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100 Asexual Books Rec List

For this list the goal is fiction books with a main character or significant secondary character that is on the Asexual spectrum, or non-fiction books about being Aspec.

Junior Novels

1. Rick by Alex Gino An eleven year old boy starting middle school begins discovering his asexuality admist the school's rainbow spectrum club. Also features transgender and crossdressing side characters, as well as a LGBTQIAP+ supporting cast.

2. Sal & Gabi Break the Universe by Carlos Alberto Pablo Hernandez In order to heal after his mother's death, Sal learned how to meditate. But no one expected him to be able to take it further and 'relax' things into existence. Turns out he can reach into time and space to retrieve things from other universes. Asexual Sal.

3. Hazel's Theory of Evolution by Lisa Jenn Bigelow Hazel knows a lot about the world. But even Hazel doesn't have answers for the questions awaiting her as she enters eighth grade. What if no one at her new school gets her, and she doesn't make any friends? What's going to happen to one of her moms, who's pregnant again after having two miscarriages? Why does everything have to change when life was already perfectly fine? Hazel (main character) is asexual and aromantic (it isn't said in the book, but it is specified in the author's note at the back of the book).

4. The Trouble with Robots by Michelle Mohrweis Evelyn strives for excellence. Allie couldn't care less. Together, these polar opposites must work together if they have any hope of saving their school's robotics program. Allie is asexual and/or aromantic. Junior graphic novel.

5. This is Our Rainbow by Editors Katherine Locke and Nicole Melleby Featuring contributions from Eric Bell, Katherine Locke and A.J. Sass, this first LGBTQA+ anthology for middle-grade readers presents stories of queer fantasy, historical and contemporary stories for every letter of the acronym.

6. Every Bird a Prince by Jenn Reese After she saves the life of a bird prince and becomes their champion, seventh grader Eren Evers must defend a forest kingdom, save her mom, and keep the friendships she holds dear--if she is brave enough to embrace her inner truths. Eren is aromantic (and I'm guessing asexual, though that isn't discussed).

YA Fiction

7. When Villains Rise by Rebecca Schaeffer With her best friend, Kovit's, life in danger, Nita is determined to take down the black market once and for all. Latina asexual and aromantic main character (Nita).

8. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee Henry "Monty" Montague was bred to be a gentleman. His passions for gambling halls, late nights spent with a bottle of spirits, or waking up in the arms of women or men, have earned the disapproval of his father. His quest for pleasures and vices have led to one last hedonistic hurrah as Monty, his best friend and crush Percy, and Monty's sister Felicity begin a Grand Tour of Europe. When a reckless decision turns their trip abroad into a harrowing manhunt, it calls into question everything Monty knows, including his relationship with the boy he adores. Aro/ace secondary character (prequel to a Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy).

9. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee A year after an accidentally whirlwind grand tour with her brother Monty, Felicity Montague has returned to England with two goals in mind—avoid the marriage proposal of a lovestruck suitor from Edinburgh and enroll in medical school. A highly loved book in regards to asexual portrayal, Felicity’s journey does a fantastic job of exploring the struggle of navigating a world where marriage is expected of women in order to function in society. Even more refreshing is Felicity isn’t just avoiding getting married out of a sole rebellion against the patriarchy (though those themes are also present), but simply because she doesn’t have an interest in sexual or romantic relationships at all.

10. Silver in the Mist by Emily Victoria Asexual Devlin has grown up in the shadow of her mother’s impressive spy network—and the shadow of the kingdom, too. A magical mist is eating away at their borders, weakening their magic and making them vulnerable to attacks. Devlin is tasked with infiltrating the royal court of the wealthier neighboring kingdom, but when she befriends their most powerful magic wielder, she discovers an ancient mystery that may hold the key to defeating the mists for good. Victoria prioritizes strong friendships between queer characters and an examination of wealth disparity in this fantasy full of twists and turns.

11. Not Good for Maidens by Tori Bovalino Beneath the streets of York, the goblin market calls to the Wickett women-the family of witches that tends to its victims. For generations, they have defended the old cobblestone streets with their magic. Knowing the dangers, they never entered the market-until May Wickett fell for a goblin girl, accepted her invitation, and became inextricably tied to the world her family tried to protect her from. Told through dual narratives in different timelines, the book essentially has two protagonists: Lou and May. Between these two characters, we have some great queer representation for both asexuality and bisexuality.

12. A Snake Falls to Earth by Darcie Little Badger Themes of magic, family, asexuality, and traditional storytelling dominate in Lipan Apache author Darcie Little Badger's delightful and uplifting second YA novel. A Lipan girl named Nina collides with Oli who is from the land of spirits and monsters. But some people will do anything to keep them apart. This is a wholesome, elegantly written read guaranteed to warm your heart!

13. Arden Grey by Ray Stoeve Arden Grey is a novel about different kinds of abusive relationships, as well as the strength of family and friendships. Following her parents' separation, Arden is depressed and coming to accept herself as being on the asexual spectrum.

14. It Sounds Like This by Anna Meriano Yasm Trevi didn't have much of a freshman year thanks to Hurricane Humphrey, but she's ready to take sophomore year by storm. That means mastering the marching side of marching band--fast!--so she can outshine her BFF Sofia as top of the flute section, earn first chair, and impress both her future college admission boards and her comfortably unattainable drum major crush Gilberto Reyes. But Yasm steps off on the wrong foot when she reports an anonymous gossip Instagram account harassing new band members and accidentally gets the entire low brass section suspended from extracurriculars. Rep: Biracial Latina fat asexual-questioning cis female MC, Jewish gray-aromantic gray-asexual male side character with ADHD and APD.

15. One for All by Lillie Lainoff In 1655 sixteen-year-old Tania is the daughter of a retired musketeer, but she is afflicted with extreme vertigo and subject to frequent falls; when her father is murdered she finds that he has arranged for her to attend Madame de Treville's newly formed Acadaemie des Mariées in Paris, which, it turns out, is less a school for would-be wives, than a fencing academy for girls--and so Tania begins her training to be a new kind of musketeer, and to get revenge for her father. Rep: disability, asexuality, sapphic side characters, POTS and PTSD.

16. The State of Us by Shaun David Hutchinson When Dean Arnault’s mother decided to run for president, it wasn’t a surprise to anyone, least of all her son. But still that doesn’t mean Dean wants to be part of the public spectacle that is the race for the White House—at least not until he meets Dre. The only problem is that Dre Rosario’s on the opposition; he’s the son of the Democratic nominee. In a moment of solidarity and high emotions, Dean tells Dre that he has been questioning his sexual orientation. He isn’t sure if he’s asexual or demisexual. Dre puts a messaging app on Dean’s phone so they can stay in touch.

17. Scavenge the Stars by Tara Sim When Amaya rescues a mysterious stranger from drowning, she fears her rash actions have earned her a longer sentence on the debtor ship where she’s been held captive for years. Instead, the man she saved offers her unimaginable riches and a new identity, setting Amaya on a perilous course through the coastal city-state of Moray, where old-world opulence and desperate gamblers collide. Amaya wants one thing: revenge against the man who ruined her family and stole the life she once had. Desi, demisexual female protagonist.

18. Camp by Lev AC Rosen It’s Randy’s fifth year at Camp Outland, a camp where queer teens get a chance to be themselves. Hoping to win over Hudson’s heart—who’s masc and straight passing and only seems to date other guys like himself—Randy has spent the past year reinventing himself: workout regimen, new haircut, new carefully curated wardrobe. His friends and camp counsellor all think it’s a terrible idea, but what can they do but support him anyways?

19. Little Thieves by Margaret Owen Once upon a time, the daughter of death and fortune was a teenage girl and she was the worst. Little Thieves is, as the dedication says, for the gremlin girls, never has there been a more gremlin girl than Vanja Schmidt. A brilliant and brazen swindler, Vanja could give Kaz Brekker a run for his money. But Vanja has bigger fish to fry. As her body rapidly turns into the gemstones she craves, Vanja must put things right and face her greed head on all while juggling her engagement to a terrible margrave, an investigator with his own magic, and the princess whose face she stole. Vanja’s relationship with junior prefect Emeric could not be more demisexual if it tried, with both sides of the romance experiencing asexual spectrum existence in different and complimentary ways. One part Germanic fairytale, one part ensemble heist, Little Thieves is an unhinged romp of a book.

20. Everyone Hates Kelsie Miller by Meredith Ireland Rom-coms and the asexuality spectrum...two great things that go great together. Kelsie and Eric have been competing against each other their whole lives. But desperation forces them to work together. Kelsie’s best friend stopped talking to her and Eric wants to rekindle his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, and since both will be at UPenn at the same time, Eric and Kelsie decide to go on a road trip together. Sparks fly.

21. You Don't Have a Shot by Racquel Marie Valentina "Vale" Castillo-Green's life revolves around soccer. Her friends, her future, and her father's intense expectations are all wrapped up in the beautiful game. But after she incites a fight during playoffs with her long-time rival, Leticia Ortiz, everything she's been working toward seems to disappear. Queer asexual biracial (Colombian, Irish) protagonist.

22. Foul Lady Fortune by Chloe Gong In 1931 Shanghai, two Nationalist spies pose as a married couple to investigate a series of brutal murders causing unrest in the city. Rep: demisexual Chinese protagonist, bisexual Chinese protagonist, bisexual Chinese main character, Chinese trans woman main character, aromantic asexual side character; (Chinese-Kiwi author).

23. The Spy with the Red Ballon by Katherine Locke Siblings Ilse and Wolf hide a deep secret in their blood: with it, they can work magic. And the government just found out. Blackmailed into service during World War II, Ilse lends her magic to America’s newest weapon, the atom bomb, while Wolf goes behind enemy lines to sabotage Germany’s nuclear program. It’s a dangerous mission, but if Hitler were to create the bomb first, the results would be catastrophic. Gay demisexual Jewish protagonist.

24. Beneath the Citadel by Destiny Soria Cassa, the orphaned daughter of rebels, and friends Alys, Evander, and Newt, fight back against the high council of Eldra, which has ruled for centuries based solely on ancient prophesies. Alys, an apothecary-in-training and the level-headed one of the crew. She identifies as asexual.

25. Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia Eighteen-year-old Eliza Mirk is the anonymous creator of the wildly popular webcomic Monstrous Sea, but when a new boy at school tempts her to live a life offline, everything she's worked for begins to crumble. Asexual main character, not explicitly stated in the book.

26. Technically, You Started It by Lana Wood Johnson When a guy named Martin Nathaniel Munroe II texts you, it should be obvious who you're talking to. Except there's two of them (it's a long story), and Haley thinks she's talking to the one she doesn't hate. Demisexual main character.

27. Now Entering Addamsville by Francesca Zappia Zora Novak is framed for a crime she didn't commit--in a town obsessed with ghosts, will she be able to find the culprit and clear her name before it's too late? It's a brief mention, but Zora is ace.

28. Fully Disclosure by Camryn Garrett In a community that isn’t always understanding, an HIV-positive teen must navigate fear, disclosure, and radical self-acceptance when she falls in love–and lust–for the first time. One of Simone’s best friends in the book, Claudia, is an asexual lesbian. The unwavering support she gives to Simone is heartwarming, and she is also openly sex-positive—which flips the script on its head regarding what most people would assume of asexual people.

30. The Art of Saving the World by Corinne Duyvis When Hazel Stanczak was born, an interdimensional rift tore open near her family’s home, which prompted immediate government attention. They soon learned that if Hazel strayed too far, the rift would become volatile and fling things from other dimensions onto their front lawn—or it could swallow up their whole town. Hazel Stanczak identifies as asexual, though she spends time in the book questioning it. The book presents a unique way to show that there is not one single way to be asexual—that it exists on a spectrum and can look different for each person.

31. Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann Alice had her whole summer planned. Non-stop all-you-can-eat buffets while marathoning her favorite TV shows (best friends totally included) with the smallest dash of adulting–working at the library to pay her share of the rent. The only thing missing from her perfect plan? Her girlfriend (who ended things when Alice confessed she’s asexual). Alice is done with dating–no thank you, do not pass go, stick a fork in her, done. Alice is a biromantic and asexual black woman who starts off very confident in her identity as asexual, yet has experiences that have her questioning her orientation and how to talk about it.

32. In the Ravenous Dark by AdriAnne Strickland A pansexual blood mage reluctantly teams up with an undead spirit to start a rebellion among the living and the dead. This book features Japha, an asexual nonbinary character who serves as the best friend to the MC.

33. Seven Ways We Lie by Riley Redgate Life at Paloma High School is much like any other high school, with petty drama, judgmental assholes, and mind-numbing schoolwork. Until it isn’t. A scandal emerges: a student and teacher had an illicit affair. At the center of the scandal are seven teenagers, each with their own secrets, whose lives are transformed as a result of this scandal. One of the characters can be read as asexual (and possibly neurodiverse). He never explicitly labels himself as such, but the way he describes his experiences of [non-]attraction strongly point to him being on the ace spectrum.

34. Quicksilver by R. J. Anderson Tori thought she had left her past behind when she and her family started a new life in a new city. But then Sebastian Faraday reappears in her life to tell her that she’s not quite as safe as she thinks: the relay is still operating and a genetics lab is trying to track her down to figure out the secret behind her unusual biology. Tori is going to have to use all of her considerable technical expertise to escape her past and live the normal human life she’s always wanted to have. Asexual main character.

35. Hullmetal Girls by Emily Skrutskie Aisha Un-Haad, seventeen, and Key Tanaka, eighteen, have risked everything for new lives as mechanically enhanced soldiers, and when an insurrection forces dark secrets to surface, the fate of humanity is in their hands. In Hullmetal Girls, Aisha is not only ace/aro but she is also happy with her identity. Crucially, so is everyone else.

36. Not Even Bones by Rebecca Schaeffer Nita's mother hunts monsters and, after Nita dissects and packages them, sells them online, but when Nita follows her conscience to help a live monster escape, she is sold on the black market in his place. Aro/Ace main character

37. Before I Let Go by Marieke Nijkamp When Corey moves away from Lost Creek, Alaska, she makes her friend Kyra promise to stay strong during the long, dark winter, and wait for her return. Just days before Corey is to return home to visit, Kyra dies. The entire Lost community speaks in hushed tones, saying her death was meant to be. And they push Corey away like she's a stranger. With every hour, Corey's suspicion grows. Lost is keeping secrets-- but piecing together the truth about what happened to her best friend may prove as difficult as lighting the sky in an Alaskan winter. Aro/Ace main character.

38. If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann Winnie is living her best fat girl life and is on her way to the best place on earth. No, not Disneyland–her Granny’s diner, Goldeen’s, in the small town of Misty Haven. While there, she works in her fabulous 50’s inspired uniform, twirling around the diner floor and earning an obscene amount of tips. With her family and ungirlfriend at her side, she has everything she needs for one last perfect summer before starting college in the fall. …until she becomes Misty Haven’s Summer Queen in a highly anticipated matchmaking tradition that she wants absolutely nothing to do with. Aro/ace secondary character.

39. Dread Nation by Justina Ireland An alternate history where the Civil War was put on hold when zombies started to rise. Almost finished with her education at Miss Preston's School of Combat in Baltimore, Jane is set on returning to her Kentucky home and doesn't pay much mind to the politics of the eastern cities, with their talk of returning America to the glory of its days before the dead rose.But when families around Baltimore County begin to go missing, Jane is caught in the middle of a conspiracy, one that finds her in a desperate fight for her life against some powerful enemies. And the restless dead, it would seem, are the least of her problems. The word asexual is not used, but that fits with the setting, and the explanation goes into a fair amount of detail, also ruling out that she likes women instead.

40. Vespertine by Margaret Rogerson When her convent is attacked by possessed soldiers, Artemisia defends the Gray Sisters by awakening the revenant bound to a saint's relic, even though she runs the risk of being possessed permanently by the powerful ancient spirit. Non-explicit romantic asexual main character. Fantasy.

41. Archivist Wasp by Nicole Kornher-Stace A postapocalyptic ghosthunter escapes her dire fate by joining the ghost of a supersoldier on his quest to the underworld Aromantic asexual main character. Dark fantasy/dystopian.

42. Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno While anyone would love to have a bit of magic, what happens when magic turns dark? Georgina Fernweh will come into her magic someday soon. Before she does, Georgina faces a tragedy that tests the islanders' trust. In this book, Georgina’s best friend Vira is aroace, and it’s addressed somewhat in the story at different points. There is a sweet strength between Georgina and Vira, full of loyalty and support that is lovely to see.

43. The Summer of Bitter and Sweet by Jen Ferguson In this moving and complex narrative, Lou learns to draw boundaries, stand up for herself, all while coming to terms with her demisexuality.

44. The Sound of Stars by Alechia Dow One-third of the human population has died and now the world is about to end. Ellie, a fat, Black, disabled, demisexual girl with access to an illegal library teams up with a music-loving alien to risk their lives to save the world.

45. The Grimrose Girls by Laura Pohl Pohl serves up a veritable smorgasbord of queer fairytale goodies in Grimrose Girls. This tale as old as time follows four students at the prestigious boarding school Grimrose Academy—Ella, Yuki, Rory, and newcomer Nani. When the former three’s best friend dies, all four girls are swept up in a dark and twisted mystery full of old fairytale magic. They must work together to unravel the secrets between them and break an ancient curse that dooms them to a fairytale ending (and not the fun kind). Yuki’s aromantic asexual identity is explored in her relationship to expectations, beauty, and friendship throughout the novel.

46. Radio Silence by Alice Oseman Frances has been a study machine with one goal. Nothing will stand in her way; not friends, not a guilty secret – not even the person she is on the inside. Then Frances meets Aled, and for the first time, she’s unafraid to be herself. So when the fragile trust between them is broken, Frances is caught between who she was and who she longs to be. In this book, Aled identifies as demisexual while Frances identifies as bisexual. The story really pays homage to the importance of friendship, and romantic storylines move to the background in a way we don’t often get in YA literature.

47. This Golden Flame by Emily Victoria Forced to serve her country’s ruling group, Karis wants nothing more than to find her brother. But family bonds don’t matter to the sole focus of unlocking the magic of an ancient automaton army. Karis is ace and other LGBTQ+ characters are introduced throughout.

48. Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand A horror novel centered around three girls facing off against an unseen monster that preys upon the young women of the island of Sawkill Rock. Features a black asexual girl fresh out of a romantic relationship, as well as a f/f relationship.

49. Love Letters for Joy by Melissa See Less than a year away from graduation, seventeen-year-old Joy is too busy overachieving to be worried about relationships. She’s determined to be Caldwell Prep’s first disabled valedictorian. And she only has one person to beat, her academic rival Nathaniel. But it’s senior year and everyone seems to be obsessed with pairing up. One of her best friends may be developing feelings for her and the other uses Caldwell’s anonymous love-letter writer to snag the girl of her dreams. Joy starts to wonder if she has missed out on a quintessential high school experience. She is asexual, but that’s no reason she can’t experience first love, right?

50. Not Your Backup by C. B. Lee Part 3 in the Sidekick Squad series by C.B. Lee. Follows a questioning aromantic asexual latinx superhero sidekick fighting to prove her worth on the team despite her lack of superpowers, all admist the team's battle against the corrupt League of Heroes.

51. Belle Révolte by Linsey Miller Noble-born Emilie des Marais, 16, wants to become a physician, a role usually forbidden women of her class because of the corruptive toll the magical "noonday arts" exact. Common-born Annette Boucher wants to escape her domineering parents and master the less physically costly "midnight arts" of illusions, divination, and scrying, normally reserved for those who can afford the expensive education. At Emilie's urging, each girl takes the other's place. Miller (Ruin of Stars) writes in lush, dense prose that can require a careful read, but her protagonists' awareness of privilege and desire to challenge the status quo shines through. LGBTQ representation--including gay, trans, and nonbinary characters (Annette identifies as asexual biromantic)--further widens this tale's appeal.

52. Tarnished Are the Stars by Rosiee Thor A secret beats inside Anna Thatcher's chest: an illegal clockwork heart. Anna works cog by cog -- donning the moniker Technician -- to supply black market medical technology to the sick and injured, against the Commissioner's tyrannical laws. Determined to earn his father's respect, Nathaniel sets out to capture the Technician. But the more he learns about the outlaw, the more he questions whether his father's elusive affection is worth chasing at all. This YA novel features an aroace character gradually coming to accept his orientation in the midst of everything else that is happening in his life. Perfect for older teens who also enjoy WLW representation and dark themes.

53. Aces Wild: A Heist by Amanda DeWitt An all-asexual online friend group attempts to break into a high-stakes gambling club and commit a heist together. Includes a male asexual character navigating what love looks like for him, an aromantic asexual Latinx gender-nonconforming boy, a Vietnamese American and German asexual nonbinary teen, and a black asexual girl.

54. Planning Perfect by Haley Neil Summer vacation quickly becomes complicated for Felicity Becker as she tries to plan a perfect wedding for her mom, figure out her feelings for her friend Nancy, and wonder what dating will look like for her as an asexual person.

55. Ace of Hearts by Myriad Augustine Everyone around Alvin seems to be obsessed with one thing-- sex. Alvin finds it uncomfortable to think and talk about it and he knows he isn't ready and may never be. His friends, however, think that all Alvin needs is to hook up with the right guy. But the closer Alvin gets to being physical with someone, the more he's uncertain that this is for him and he begins to wonder if he's asexual. Can Alvin find the love that's right for him?

56. Beyond the Black Door by AdriAnne Strickland Everyone has a soul. Some are beautiful gardens, others are frightening dungeons. Kamia comes to know more about her identity as she decides to battle the forces of evil, no matter the cost... Asexual and demi-romantic main characters. Dark fantasy. Kamai is asexual, but isn’t aromantic—she has an interest in relationships that isn’t always depicted for those who are ace.

57. Loveless by Alice Oseman A queer coming of age story featuring a romance obsessed aromantic asexual main character discovering her sexuality and coming to terms with what that means, and a variety of other queer characters that support her on her journey.

58. Summer Bird Blue by Akemi Dawn Bowman Rumi Seto spends a lot of time worrying she doesn’t have the answers to everything. What to eat, where to go, whom to love. But there is one thing she is absolutely sure of—she wants to spend the rest of her life writing music with her younger sister, Lea. Then Lea dies in a car accident, and her mother sends her away to live with her aunt in Hawaii while she deals with her own grief. While not the main focal point of the book, Rumi does grapple throughout the story about where exactly she lands on the ace and aro spectrum—and whether she has to label herself at all.

59. Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee In this queer rom-com, a transgender teen must decide if he's dedicated to romantic formulas or open to unpredictable love after an internet troll attack on his blog compels him and a fan to start fake-dating. Through an unlikely friendship with sweet, grounded Devin, who is Cuban American, asexual, and experimenting with pronouns, Noah--initially self-centered and standoffish--learns to value communication and empathy.

60. The Reckless Kind by Carly Heath In 1904 Norway, Asta runs away from her horrible fiancé to live with her two best friends. The three misfits set out to win the annual Christmas sleigh race to prove that they belong together. Queer asexual hard of hearing protagonist with heterochromia of Norwegian descent.

61. Forward March by Skye Quinlan How can band geek Harper have the chance of becoming the First Daughter with a fake dating profile? However, Harper does know that the drumline leader swiped right. Come along with Harper as she explores her truth during her last year of high school. Asexual-questioning cis female MC with anxiety and asthma.

62. Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger What if America had monsters, magic, and interdimensional beings? For Elatsoe, this is real, and she has to uncover her cousin's murder! She can do this with the help of her ghost dog, Kirby, but has to remember not to wake human ghosts. Aromantic ace main character. Paranormal mystery. Casual representation which extends to Ellie’s identity as Lipan Apache. This identity is asserted more often and firmly than her asexuality, and Little Badger drops in nuggets of education for us settlers about what Indigenous people, and the Lipan Apache in particular, suffered at the hands of settlers.

63. All Out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages by Editor Robin Talley A collection of short fantasy stories, featuring a variety of queer characters across multiple sexualities and genders. Features an asexual roller-skating girl from the 70s struggling to explain her identity to her crush.

64. Black Wings Beating by Alex London Twins Brysen and Kylee live in a world that revers the power of the falconers, but in a world where war approaches, they aren’t safe. Hunted for their power, they work together to trap the Ghost Eagle. Kylee is an ace character, focused on protecting her brother.

Graphic Novels

65. A-okay by Jarad Greene Eight grade can be tough, especially if you have acne and bullies, and lose friends. But our relatable asexual and aromantic protagonist, Jay, pulls through. This is a relatable memoir with colorful artwork.

66. How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess A comic memoir detailing the author Rebecca Burgess's experience with growing up asexual in a world obsessed with sex. Also talks about her experiences with her own mental health and OCD.

67. Jughead, Volume 1 by Chip Zdarsky A comic book reboot of the Archie comics centered around Jughead Jones. Follows an aromantic asexual main character in typical Archie-style shenanigans. Part 1 of a 3 part series.

68. A Quick & Easy Guide to Asexuality by Molly Muldoon A charming introduction to asexuality, created to shed light on the misconceptions surrounding sex and being asexual. Told by writer Molly Muldoon and cartoonist Will Hernandez, both on the asexual spectrum.

69. Is Love the Answer? by Isaki Uta A poignant coming-of-age story about a young woman coming into her own as she discovers her identity as aromantic asexual. A complete story in a single volume, from the creator of "Mine-kun is Asexual."

Domestic Fiction

70. Have You Seen Luis Velez by Catherine Ryan Hyde Raymond Jaffe feels like he doesn't belong. Not with his mother's new family. Not as a weekend guest with his father and his father's wife. Not at school, where he's an outcast. After his best friend moves away, Raymond has only two real connections: to the feral cat he's tamed and to a blind ninety-two-year-old woman in his building who's introduced herself with a curious question: Have you seen Luis Velez? Mildred Gutermann, a German Jew who narrowly escaped the Holocaust, has been alone since her caretaker disappeared. She turns to Raymond for help, and as he tries to track Luis down, a deep and unexpected friendship blossoms between the two. Raymond is asexual (to be precise, he is aroace) And he is depicted as kind, loving, sensitive and realistic.

Fantasy

71. In the Lives of the Puppets by TJ Klune In a strange little home built into the branches of a grove of trees, live three robots--fatherly inventor android Giovanni Lawson, a pleasantly sadistic nurse machine, and a small vacuum desperate for love and attention. Victor Lawson, a human, lives there too. They're a family, hidden and safe. Protagonist: Vic, A curious, loving, & asexual human.

72. The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon In the mid-21st century major world cities are controlled by a formidable security force and clairvoyant underworld cell member Paige commits acts of psychic treason before being captured by an otherworldly race that would make her a part of their supernatural army. Demisexual main character.

73. The Perfect Assassin by K.A. Doore Divine justice is written in blood. Or so Amastan has been taught. As a new assassin in the Basbowen family, he's already having second thoughts about taking a life. A scarcity of contracts ends up being just what he needs. Until, unexpectedly, Amastan finds the body of a very important drum chief. Until, inevitably, Amastan is ordered to solve these murders, before the family gets blamed. Amastan is asexual and, as it turns out, homoromantic.

74. The Bruising of Quilwa by Naseem Jamnia Firuz-e Jafari was able to escape the slaughter of traditional blood magic practitioners by immigrating to the city-state of Qilwa. But now a terrible disease is spreading through the city, and Firuz believes it comes from ineptly performed blood magic. Now they must find a way to break a cycle of prejudice in order to survive. From the author: it's about an aroace nonbinary refugee healer who is trying to cure a magical plague in their new home while hiding their blood magic.

75. The Midnight Bargain by C. L. Polk The Midnight Bargain is a story "set in a world reminiscent of Regency England, where women's magic is taken from them when they marry. A sorceress must balance her desire to become the first great female magician against her duty to her family. Ysbeta has a clear goal for her life: to discover and share magic. Besides loving learning for its own sake, Ysbeta is asexual, and wealthy in her own right, so the bargaining season offers her literally nothing.

76. Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire Set in a world where a group of children have the ability to find and enter doorways into magical worlds, and now must find who's targetting them for this ability. Lead by an female asexual main character, with a trans love interest. First book in a series of novellas.

Science Fiction

77. The First Sister by Linden A. Lewis She's a priestess of the Sisterhood, traveling the stars alongside the soldiers of Earth who own the rights to her body and soul. When her former captain abandons her, First Sister's hopes for freedom are dashed and she is forced to stay on her ship with no friends, no status, and a new captain she knows nothing about. When the Mother, leader of her order, asks her to spy on Captain Saito Ren, First Sister discovers that sacrificing for the war effort is so much harder to do when your loyalties are split. He climbed his way out of the slums to become an elite soldier of Venus, but now he's haunted by his failures and the loss of his partner Hiro. But when Lito learns that Hiro is alive, but a traitor, and he's assigned to hunt Hiro down, and kill them, Lito must decide what he is actually fighting for - the society that raised him, or himself. As the battle to control Ceres reaches a head, Lito and First Sister must decide what - and whom - they are willing to sacrifice in the name of duty, or for love. Hispanic panromantic asexual protagonist (Lito).

78. Firebreak by Nicole Kornher-Stace Mal is one of many war survivors in the old town working multiple jobs to scrimp by, one of which is her team's streaming video game play. The team lives with several other roommates in a converted hotel room run by Stellaxis, the company that owns half of town, and is the only legal provider of drinkable water. When Mal catches sight of an elusive SecOps character, special non-player characters (NPCs) modeled after Stellaxis' twelve bioengineered operatives, the team pursues her inside the game to catch her on video for two seconds before their power curfew kicks in. By the time Mal heads down for her daily ration of water, they've secured a lucrative contract, involving an in-person meeting and a conspiracy theory, paying them to capture images of the three living SecOps characters. When Mal returns to find out why the next payment failed, she becomes involved in a fracas that will endanger everyone she knows. Aroace main character.

79. To be Taught, If Fortunate by Becky Chambers Four astronauts set out to explore the galaxy. This journey spans centuries and many worlds. A thought provoking read that explores the themes of loneliness and sense of purpose. Excellent cast of diverse characters and vivid world building. Chikondi is asexual and the text is careful to note that his relationship to the protagonist is no less emotional or vital than those she shares with people she is sexually involved with.

80. The Circus Infinite by Khan Wong What better person to take down a crime boss than a mixed-species fugitive! Join Jes on this exciting tale of espionage, torture, demolition. Sex-averse panromantic asexual lead character

Historical Fiction

81. Kaikeyi by Vasihnavi Patel The only daughter of the kingdom of Kekaya, she is raised on grand stories about the might and benevolence of the gods. Yet she watches as her father unceremoniously banishes her mother, her own worth measured by how great a marriage alliance she can secure. And when she calls upon the gods for help, they never seem to hear. Desperate for some measure of independence, she turns to the ancient texts she once read with her mother and discovers a magic that is hers alone. Kaikeyi is asexual and aromantic. Although the words "asexual" and "aromantic" aren't used in the book.

Western

82. The Complete Lady Ruth Constance Chapelstone Chronicles by L. C. Mawson If you’re looking for steampunk magic, the Lady Ruth Constance Chapelstone novellas are the place for you. Read them individually or all together in this compendium. Chapelstone is interested in her inventions, not love and romance.

Paranormal

83. The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Homes by Joseph Fink Told in a series of eerie flashbacks, the story of The Faceless Old Woman goes back centuries to reveal an initially blissful and then tragic childhood on a Mediterranean Estate in the early nineteenth century, her rise in the criminal underworld of Europe, a nautical adventure with a mysterious organization of smugglers, her plot for revenge on the ones who betrayed her, and ultimately her death and its aftermath, as her spirit travels the world for decades until settling in modern-day Night Vale. Asexual secondary character.

Romance

84. All the Wrong Places by Ann Gallagher After his three ex-girlfriends in a row leave Brennan because he's not fulfilling their sexual needs, he seeks out advice from Zafir, the owner of a sex shop. Zafir introduces Brennan to the concept of asexuality and slowly something more blossoms between them.

85. That Kind of Guy by Talia Hibbert Rae needs a fake date to take to her ex's wedding and convinces Zach, a close friend who has recently discovered that he is demisexual, to play along.

86. The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood In an attempt to convince her best friend that she really is over her ex-boyfriend, grad-student Olive panic kisses stern associate professor Adam in the hallway. (Olive is coded as demisexual/graysexual, but that label is never used in the book).

87. Far From Home by Lorelie Brown The oddest of odd couples finds unexpected joy in Brown’s warm, sweet contemporary romance. American citizen Rachel, a not-quite-asexual assistant film producer struggling to make a living in L.A., is drowning in student debt; Indian immigrant Pari Sadashiv, a lesbian logistics manager, needs a U.S. green card to advance her career. When Rachel offers to marry Pari in exchange for funds, it’s just party banter at first—but what’s to stop them from crafting a friendship with legal and financial benefits? Their platonic plans quickly go awry as Pari’s mother moves in to help plan the wedding, forcing them to live their lie. As Rachel feels herself awakening to an attraction she didn’t even know was possible, Pari has to decide whether she can live with the possible fallout of Rachel’s tentative first foray into same-sex love.

88. Kiss Her Once for Me by Alison Cochrun Last Christmas, Ellie met Jack in Powell’s when they both went for a copy of Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home, and over a cute argument over “shared custody”, and Jack poking gentle fun at Ellie (who had been crying alone and talking to a footstool as if it were her friend) they start to bond. Jack asks Ellie for coffee, and then they end up spending the whole day together. This is a big deal for Ellie, who is demisexual, and rarely develops attractions to anyone. And then Jack breaks her heart. Fast-forward to this Christmas when Andrew, the landlord who owns the building she works in, asks her to fake-marry him so he can access his inheritance, and shenanigans lead to her agreeing to this and to going home with him for Christmas, and surprise! Jack is Andrew’s sister.

89. The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun Tech wunderkind Charlie has never really been interested in dating, but agrees to join the cast of reality show 'Ever After.' While there he finds himself charmed by his producer, Dev, and questioning his sexuality. The Charm Offensive includes a conversation discussing asexuality and its spectrum.

90. Never Been Kissed by Timothy Janovsky Wren Roland has never been kissed, but he wants that movie-perfect ending more than anything. Thanks to Mateo’s boyfriend, he learns about demisexuality and realizes that when he came out as gay, he had not finished realizing truths about himself and intimate relationships.

91. How to be a Normal Person by TJ Klune Before The House on the Cerulean Sea blew up, Klune wrote this quirky and delightful story of two asexual people finding each other and their happily ever after.

92. Soft on Soft by Mina Waheed This super sweet, low-angst romance centers on two fat, queer women of colour (one Black and one Persian-Arab) who fall in love and find their happy ending with hardly any drama. There’s also anxiety representation. It’s just pure fluffy romance goodness. Demisexual protagonist.

Non-Fiction

93. Ace and Aro Journeys: A Guide to Embracing your Asexual or Aromantic Identity by The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project What does it mean to be ace or aro? How should I approach the challenges that come with being ace or aro? How can I best support the ace and aro people in my life? Join the The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP) for a deep dive into the process of discovering and embracing your ace and aro identities. Empower yourself to explore the nuances of your identity, find and develop support networks, explore different kinds of partnership, come out to your communities and find real joy within. Combining a rigorous exploration of identity and sexuality models with hundreds of candid and poignant testimonials -- this companion vouches for your personal truth, wherever you lie on the aspec spectrum. You are not invisible! You are among friends.

94. Being Ace: An Anthology of Queer, Trans, Femme, and Disabled Stories of Asexual Love and Connection by Editor Madeline Dyer Discover the infinite realms of asexual love across sci-fi, fantasy, and contemporary stories From a wheelchair user racing to save her kidnapped girlfriend and a little mermaid who loves her sisters more than suitors, to a slayer whose virgin blood keeps attracting monsters, the stories of this anthology are anything but conventional. Whether adventuring through space, outsmarting a vengeful water spirit, or surviving haunted cemeteries, no two aces are the same in these 14 unique works that highlight asexual romance, aromantic love, and identities across the asexual spectrum

95. Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen A non-fiction research book about the asexual perspective on society's facinations with love and sex, and the misconceptions about what being asexual really is and what it means to a person.

96. The Invisible Orientation: an Introduction to Asexuality by Julia Sondra Decker An introduction to what asexuality is, both for people who don't know what that means and for people that may be questioning their own sexuality. It aims to puts asexual people's experiences in context, as they move through a very sexualized world.

97. Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kobabe A graphic memoir about author Kobabe's growing from adolescence to adulthood, as e explores eir gender identity and sexuality. Features a gender queer and asexual main character that uses e/eir pronouns.

98. Ace Voices What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace by Eris Young This is the ace community in their own words. Drawing upon interviews with a wide range of people across the asexual spectrum, Eris Young is here to take you on an empowering, enriching journey through the rich multitudes of asexual life.

99. I Am Ace: Adice on Living Your Best Asexual Life by Cody Daigle-Orians Tackling everything from what asexuality is, the asexual spectrum and tips on coming out, to intimacy, relationships, acephobia and finding joy, this guide will help you better understand your asexual identity alongside deeply relatable anecdotes drawn from Cody's personal experience.

100. Sounds Fake But Okay: An Asexual and Aromantic Perspective on Love, Relationships, Sex, and Pretty Much Anything Else by Sarah Costello and Kayla Kaszyca Drawing on their personal stories, and those of aspec friends all over the world, prepare to explore your microlabels, investigate different models of partnership, delve into the intersection of gender norms and compulsory sexuality and reconsider the meaning of sex - when allosexual attraction is out of the equation.

I haven't read all of these books, so I can't guarantee all of them. But I did my best researching all of them. I was making this list on my own and I was amazed that I could find over 100 books with asexual characters and I wanted to share it!

The Aromantic Book List is now out!

Tagging some people who were excited about this list: @sweetspiderstew @majorgenerally @shayberri789 @53rdcenturyhero @knightoflodis @neonghost39 @rosaazulina

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faeriemarie · 20 days ago

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i want to be alone in my waiting room, i want to restart high school, i want to kiss my improved cr boyfriend, i want to go back to junior year, i want to spend christmas with a family that loves me, i want to have my first kiss, i want to be mindbogglingly famous, i want to restart college, i want to play cherry in the outsiders on broadway, i want to be dakota warren, i want my homoerotic female friendship back, i want someone to oil paint my body, i want to lose my virginity, i want to go to art museums abroad, i want to be baptized, i want to join a hippie commune, i want to be 8 years old, i want a significantly older brother, i want to party with the dare, i want to have never met my ex, i want to sleep for 100 years, i want to be held

guidance? please i'm begging for it

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writingsonsaturn · 26 days ago

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all of the girls you've loved before

{ masterlist } { the 'taylor swift' series }

🪐: the ending is a little rushed, and this is so not proofread but NEW SERIESSS, love you enjoy

wc - 2.7k

content warning: fem!reader, cheating (not from tim), fluff, talk of blood (reader is a blood analyst)

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

You and Tim have known each other since you moved into the neighborhood when you were twelve, you had moved right across the street. He saw you one day outside helping your mother bring in boxes from a moving truck, he noticed the way your hands shook with the heaviness of the box but instead of dropping it, you fought through and continued carrying it inside. When you had walked back outside you ended up noticing him too, the way his hair lightened in the sunlight, his thin body shaking with nerves as the pretty girl he was staring at for far too long walked up to him and asked him a question.

“Do you know how to fix a pipe?” your voice flowed through his ears like honey soothing a sore throat, “oh um, no i don’t but i could ask my dad” he responded with a shake in his tone, although he hated interacting with his father he would at least try his best and ask for you. “Thanks!” you smiled and then asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime, explaining you just moved here from a couple states away and needed a friend, “yeah, that would be really cool” he agreed quickly, very quickly.

In no time the two of you became inseparable, spending endless days together with no regard for anyone else who wasn’t inside the little bubble the two of you had made.

During the high school years, the crush you developed for Tim only grew stronger and stronger, during the classes you two had together he would always insist on sitting next to you and nearly every time he would never take no for an answer. The teachers found it easier to just succumb to his demands then argue with him over it, he would say a very polite ‘thank you’ and trot his way over to the desk or seat right next to you. You would always roll your eyes and say “it wouldn’t kill you to not sit next to me you know, it only makes their lives harder” and he would snap back with a “i work better next to you” and with that you would smile and turn your head back to the teacher with a warm feeling in your face.

Although one day, Tim came to you in a panic freaking out about not knowing what to wear.

“Wear to what?” you questioned, confused why Tim of all people was freaking out about what to wear.

“Cindy agreed to go on a date, now hurry up, which shirt looks better” he rushed, holding both

shirts out in front of him with an impatient look.

You chose the shirt on the left, it was black with a blue vertical stripe on it. Biting back the sheer shock and hurt you felt in your chest and mustered up enough faux happiness, “now get out of here, and go get the girl” you said with a tight-lipped smile.

From there on out you tried your best to shove the feelings for Tim deep, deep, deep down into the deepest pit you possibly had in your body. You eventually also found yourself a boyfriend, you loved him deeply, and enjoyed his company. Cindy, Tim, you, and drake had double dates every week or so. Drake and Tim would talk about football while you and Cindy would groan about the upcoming physics test and how the homework was just absolutely destroying your social life.

Cindy and Tim broke up after junior year, they both wanted different things and felt neither of them wanted to take a chance at a long distance relationship. Tim would be heading into the military after graduation and Cindy was going to study abroad in Germany for a journalism degree. However, you and Drake were going decently strong, he had football scouts watching him at a couple of games and you were getting a full ride scholarship to an ivy league college.

That was until Drake cheated, the cliche of a football boyfriend cheating on his not so popular girlfriend had prophesied. You were completely and utterly distraught to say the least, Tim came over after you hadn't shown up at school that day and wouldn't pick up any of his calls. Your mom answered the door with a saddened look, “Hey sweetheart” you mom whispered “she’s not doing too well.”

Tim internally freaked out, considering any and all possibilities, the worst one being that you’re dying, obviously. Your mom must have seen the way his heart practically fell out of his jeans because she quickly explained what happened, “oh my, she didn't tell you?’ with a scoff she continued “Drake cheated on her, he was, i assume at a house party, and someone snapped a photo of him kissing another girl” her tone was sad, with a hint of anger, that someone had the audacity to hurt her little girl.

Tim nodded and stepped inside, taking off his shoes and walking upstairs to your bedroom. He pressed his ear against the door trying to get a sense of what he might be walking into, but heard nothing so with a light knock he entered your bedroom, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting to walk into but you sitting on the ground with a small blanket covering you and your knees tucked into your chest wasn't it.

“Oh, Y/n” he sighed and sat right beside you on the ground, you sniffled in acknowledgement and looked at Tim with red, wet eyes.

“How can someone just do that?” you croaked.

“I don’t know, honey” Tim replied, wishing on every star that he could take your pain away and punch it into Drake’s skull.

You leaned into Tim’s chest, silently sobbing and asking questions you knew Tim wouldn’t be able to answer. Every time he would just hold you tighter and tighter, almost morphing your body into his until you cried yourself to sleep.

He stayed there for a generous amount of time before carrying you to your bed and tucking you in, and wishing you sweet dreams before leaving and going back into his own bed.

After a couple weeks of consoling you and getting you back into your groove he went and talked to Drake, confronting him in the school parking lot after football practice. He wanted nothing more than to beat his face in with a baseball bat but he figured you wouldn’t be very happy bailing him out of jail, so he opted for a stern scolding instead.

“What’s up, Drake?” Tim huffed out, walking over to Drake's car. “Oh, hey Tim” Drake said with a tone way to cheery for this situation, “Listen, what happened at the party was nothing but a drunken mistake, and besides, Y/n wasn’t giving anything up anyways” he explained “you know how us men are, we need intimacy” Drake ended with a small smile, assuming Tim would understand and bro hug him.

Tim however only became more heated, looking at Drake with red in his eyes, “so what you’re saying is, Y/n was just someone for you to get your rocks off with, and she wouldn’t give it to you so you decided to cheat on her?” Tim tried to put together Drake’s motives but couldn’t for the life of him understand the shallowness of that concept.

“Exactly, bro” Drake sighed in relief, thinking he got through to Tim, “you’re a real piece of shit, you know that Drake?” Tim growled. “Y/n did nothing but care and love you, and you drop the moment she doesn’t fuck you?” Drake’s face dropped, quickly realizing the predicament he was in.

Tim walked up to him, nose inches away from Drake’s, “If I ever see you even breathe near her ever again, you will be on the floor faster than you can even registar what is happening, do you understand me?” Tim ended his sentence with a push and walked back to his car feeling somewhat better.

Tim sat in the driver's seat for a while, contemplating what to do next. He decided it would be nice to take you out to your favorite restaurant and go over college majors with you as you had been needing help figuring out what you should do for the field you were wanting to step into.

As senior year came to an end Tim and you parted ways but always kept in touch, it was hard sometimes but the two of you did your best.

He would send you letters asking how college was, and you would send letters back asking if he was still a little twig or if he had finally built up muscle. Worry was always something you carried everytime a letter would be late or you wouldn’t hear from him for a while, but thankfully all was always okay.

When he got out he decided his next course of action would be to go into the police force, telling you it was the closest thing to the military a civilian could get and you supported him through the training academy. You had gotten your degree in forensics and now work in the lab as a blood spatter analyst, and he was a rookie.

You and Tim were absolutely stoked to be able to work in the same precinct, even opting for carpooling every now and then when you were too tired to drive. You also figured out way before Tim did how big of a crush Isabel had on him, she smiled so wide when he walked in and would constantly talk to him and invite him to get drinks after work.

“You know she likes you right?” you teased, looking at Tim with a smirk as you ran tests in the lab. “Who? Isabel?” he asked obliviously, not quite catching onto what you caught onto months ago, “God Tim, yes!” you whisper-yelled “she makes googily eyes at you every time she’s looking at you.”

“You really think she likes me?”

“Oh my god, you are such a dude, of course she likes you!”

“Should I ask her on a date?”

“Yes Tim. Ask the poor girl on a date, she’s been waiting”

After you lit a fire under his ass, he quickly asked Isabel on a date and their relationship flourished from there. You on the other hand only had a couple of boyfriends off and on, none of them could make you very happy, and you would feel bad for leading them on. Never knowing why you weren't ever satisfied by good men.

One day Tim came up to you in the lab, very secretly and locked the door while looking at you. “Hey, i need womanly advice” Tim said, almost scared even the wind would pick up on his voice.

“Alright, hit me” you smiled finishing up your email, “which ring do you think Isabel would like best?” your eyes flashed to the screen Tim was pulling up. The images showed two sets of princess cut diamond rings, one wearing a silver band while the other wore a gold band. Tim was smiling ear to ear waiting for you to react, you studied the rings hard before deciding Isabel would most likely prefer the silver band over the gold band.

“Thank you, Y/n” Tim looked at you before hugging you tightly, “I mean it, thank you” he finished by giving you a last squeeze before leaving. Your heart felt oddly heavy, holding emotion you weren't quite able to explain away, the world was dimmer.

Tim’s wedding came and went, you attended and gave a very long, tearful speech. Telling Tim how proud of him you were and how glad you were that he had found Isabel. It still stung, although you weren't entirely sure why, Tim’s heart has never been yours to hold and keep safe.

Then, Isabel started to delve into drugs, Tim would come to your house nearly in tears every other night thinking Isabel was cheating on him. You would comfort him, trying to reassure him that she wasn’t cheating on him and her job was just hard. She just needed extra support, you thought.

Your heart ached for Tim when the two of you found out Isable was using, you also hurt for Isabel, occupational hazard completely turned her life upside down. You did your best to be there for Tim and stayed up to date with any possible sightings of Isabel, but you never caught wind of her whereabouts.

Fortunately, one day when Tim was riding with his new rookie, Lucy Chen, he ran into Isabel, who was inside a convenience store. He came by your lab after it had happened.

“She looked bad, Y/n” Tim’s voice cracked, looking more sorrowful than he’s ever looked before.

“I'm so sorry, Tim, that’s so awful” you hugged his slumped frame, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “We’ll find her again, I know it” you pulled away smiling at him lightly.

He gave you a forced smile, telling you he would take you to lunch after your labs came back, you wished you could give him more but there was really nothing else you could do for him.

After a couple of months and a really sloppy secret op, Isabel was finally able to get the help she needed and was willing to go into rehab. Tim was ecstatic to see her looking so much like her old self again, and he understood when she said she no longer wanted to be with him, that she felt she couldn’t move on with him still in her life.

Tim was just happy to see someone he loved for so long doing so good.

He lived the single life for a while, getting back on his feet and his mental health back into a good position.

Rachel was a short fling, but you were sure Tim loved her.

You strongly disliked Ashley but that's neither here nor there.

Then he finally opened his eyes and saw you.

You were who he’s been waiting for his whole life, the one who saw him at his most vulnerable, while also seeing him at his most fulfilled. It took him too long to notice but he finally did, every long night chat that he always came to you for, all the times he needed to cry on someone's shoulder he would go to you. He was finally going to tell you that, and he hoped to the highest of powers you would feel the same.

After his shift he walked over to your lab, knowing you, you would be working later than you should be. He let out a nervous breath, and opened your lab door.

“Y/n? You in here?” Tim’s voice echoed off the plain walls.

“Over here!” you called from the back of the room.

Heavy footsteps made their way towards your voice, they were fast paced, almost nervous. “Hey!” you exclaimed with a big smile stretching from ear to ear, you were sitting on the floor with files spread out around you, looking like your office had been paper bombed.

“Hi, Y/n” there was a quiver to Tim’s voice, one that made your stomach drop, you didn’t know what Tim was about to tell you but whatever it was, it’s causing your anxiety to mix with his.

“Are you okay?”

“Perfect.”

“Then why do you look like you’re about to throw up?” you laughed nervously.

“I'm in love with you” Tim finally spit out, swallowing his fear and looking into your now wide open eyes.

“What?” your mouth was agape as you asked, your heart nearly exploded with eagerness and relief.

“I'm in love with you, and i want to take you on a date” Tim repeated, with more confidence this time. “Okay” you stated simply.

“Okay?” His voice was laced with a bit of confusion and happiness.

“Tim, i’ve been in love with you since we were in middle school and instead of hitting me with a dodgeball you took a hit for yourself because you just couldn’t bring yourself to tag me out” You laughed out, getting up from your paper tornado you've made around your office.

Tim pulled you into him with one hasty movement, “I wish i’d noticed sooner” Tim had a slight frown adorning his face.

“Every dead end street, led you straight to me, You noticed when it was the right time” you said quietly, wanting this moment to last forever.

“So, where are you taking me on our first date?”

#reader insert #the rookie #tim bradford x reader #tim bradford #tim bradford fluff #x reader #tim bradford x fem!reader #fluff #the 'taylor swift' series

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servantofthefates · 2 months ago

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I have always felt The Fates' work.

Way before my initiation into the craft. As early as when I was in Catholic school. And even during my skeptic period.

Windfalls? Miracles? Surprises? That's not them. That's Jupiter. Or Jesus, if he's who you believe in.

The Fates' movements always feel like a disappointment at first, before they reveal their blessing — a blessing in disguise.

In college, I was so upset that I didn't get into the freshman dorm at my university. It was quite prestigious. Instead, I'd been assigned to the all-girls dorm, which was a lot older and quite dilapidated.

But then... I found out that getting a dorm room at my university is a near-impossible thing in the first place. And that as you get older (in your sophomore, junior, senior years), it gets even harder because the slots are extremely limited, and freshmen are always the priority. However... getting into the all-girls dorm in my freshman year meant I was guaranteed a spot in the building until I graduate!

The Fates are like that. They don't give you the shiny thing. They give you the stable thing.

Same as when I started working. I'd graduated magna cum laude at the #1 university in my country. So I wondered why all my job offers came from boutique agencies and not from multinationals. I was so hurt and confused by this. I was the best, so why the fuck were the big players not interested in me?!

And then out of the blue, I got an opportunity to work abroad. My first job offer was SEVEN times the amount I was making back then. But had I been working for a prestigious multinational company, I never would've grabbed the chance to move. I would've stayed home, because I would've felt happy already. Which means I wouldn't have been able to afford all my luxury travel, my weekly salon visits, the Sephoras in my vanity, the Louis Vuittons in my closet.

That's the Fates. They deny you silver, so they can give you gold.

I did eventually get to work for a multinational. I loooved it. My boss and I were soul kin. One mind. One heart. Our work together was phenomenal, unparalleled, award-winning. We were the dream team.

And then he got fired.

I felt like a little girl whose lollipop got violently dragged out of her mouth.

My world came crashing down. I started questioning my faith, my ability to manifest, my power as a lineage witch. I thought I was protected by the divine. What the fuck was this tragedy then?

But... because my beloved boss was out of the picture, that meant I had to do his job for a while. That's when I started presenting to managing directors, to decision makers, to the CEO himself. That's when I earned a name for myself.

That's the Fates. They take away your comfort to give you the spotlight.

Even now, I have a lot of agnostic and atheist friends. I resonate with their critical thinking... their rejection of the status quo... their rebelliousness against authority. I share all of those values very strongly.

But I am not one of them. How can I be, when I have always felt the Fates writing my destiny?

#Paganism #Pagan #The Fates #Witchblr #servantofthefates #All About Me

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feelbokkie · 1 month ago

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L♡VE IN F♡CUS | Chapter 14

PAIRING: idol!Changbin x fem reader

WARNINGS: swearing, mention of food

GENRE: smau, crack, angst, fluff

P♡V: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

SUMMARY: Amateur concert photographer Y/n has recently been promoted to junior music journalist. Her first assignment? An exposé on the popular Kpop boy group, Stray Kids. Spending an entire tour doing in depth interviews with eight men seems simple enough, but one member isn't exactly open to the idea. Will Y/n be able to break down the walls around his heart, or will her big break turn into a big disaster?

TAGLIST: closed

W♡RD C♡UNT: 5,066

SCREENSH♡T C♡UNT: 2

A/N: Christmas in November??

PREVIOUS | MASTERLIST | NEXT

"Y/n! You're home! Come in, come in!" Wonseok's mom shouts from the hallway once she hears the front door open.

"Hi, mom," You greet warmly as you pull your bags in, Wonseok pushes the door shut to keep the cold air out.

You neatly put your shoes to the side and drop your bag down to greet her with a hug. Her hair is in a messy low bun held together by a gold-colored clip you bought her for her birthday this year.

"Goodness," She pulls away from you and cups your face, examining it from every angle. "Look at you! Have you not been eating well on your trip? Have they been working you too hard?"

You can't help but laugh as you gently place your hands on her wrist. "I ate well, I promise. I'll even show you pictures."

"I'll make you something to eat right now. Wonseok, go put Y/n's stuff in her room." Her hands drop from your face to your hands, ready to drag you off to the kitchen with her.

Wonseok’s mom has been like your surrogate mother ever since your first trip to South Korea. You were a university, studying abroad for your last year in the city that you’d hopefully move to once you graduated. You worked hard, during those first few years of university, to save money to even be able to afford the plane ticket alone. You took on as many jobs as your body would allow you, and you worked hard to maintain a high grade point average so you had no excuse not to go.

You met Wonseok during your first class. The journalism department was small, but still, the class was full nonetheless. You had gotten to class early so you could get a good seat and get some reading done. Wonseok, less studious compared to you, got to class later and took the only remaining spot that just happened to be next to you. He was quiet, either exhausted from the early class or general shyness from sitting next to a complete stranger. He was two years older than you, which you realized was the norm. Wonseok completed his military service right after high school rather than start university and pause halfway through like many men in your department did. He also didn’t want to wait until after he graduated because he wanted to start his career right away.

You found out later that he really didn’t have much interest in befriending you, not that you had any either. But your professor walked in and announced that everyone would be partnered with their current deskmate for the entire semester so you had no choice. After that, you two became quick friends. It didn’t hurt that you were in most of each other’s classes.

It wasn’t until your second semester when Chuseok rolled around and he realized that you had nowhere else to go. So he invited you to go home with him, despite your protests. His mother was more than happy, especially at the fact that her 24-year-old son was bringing a woman home for such a big family holiday. Even after explaining that ‘it wasn’t like that,’ she kept watching the two of you with a hopeful eye sharing anecdotes about how it also ‘wasn’t like that,’ with her and her first boyfriend but they ended up married with two sons. You were worried at first about meeting her. You’ve watched more than enough dramas to know the archetype of the overbearing, protective mother who would scrutinize and ridicule every woman in their son’s life. And you weren’t even dating him. So you were cautious at first when she welcomed you with open arms and a warm smile. It wasn’t until a few months later you realized that she was just like that.

Christmas in South Korea is celebrated more like Valentine's Day in respects to it being more of a couple's holiday than a family one. Which is why you were more than willing to stay in the country and not fly back home the first year that you were there. You wouldn’t have to fly home and deal with unnecessary family drama, not that you were welcomed after “abandoning your family,” as your mother had so kindly put it when you told her that you were studying abroad. And you wouldn’t have felt as lonely if you watched families celebrating around you. When Wonseok mentioned to his mother in passing that you were staying for Christmas and that you were just going to stay at the dorm, she insisted that you come over. Baited by the free food, you went expecting a small, simple Christmas holiday. Only, when you got there, she had insisted on celebrating in a “Western way” so that you would feel at home. It was the first Christmas in your entire 22 years of living where Christmas felt like how you were led to believe it would feel like in Christmas movies. And for the past 6 years, that’s what Christmas has been.

“Mom, let me help Wonnie. My stuff is too heavy.” You laugh as you pat her hand.

“Ah, that boy—It wouldn’t be too heavy for him if he kept up with his military training. He was in the Navy, you know.” She waves you off, gently tugging you away from the entrance.

“I know,” you laugh again. “I kind of miss when he was all buff. Sitting behind a desk most of the day has made him soft. He even gets winded climbing the stairs to get to my apartment.”

“You two do realize that I’m right here, right?” Wonseok rolls his eyes as he sets his own bags down.

“Just leave the stuff by the door, I’ll ask Wonjae to take it up when he gets back from the store.” She returns the eye roll before dragging you off to the kitchen.

You get a glimpse of the living room on your way to the kitchen. It looks like a Hallmark Christmas movie bomb went off. A 6-foot-tall tree stands in the corner of the room undecorated, a task she leaves for when you and Wonseok arrive so that you can do it together.

"Hurry, hurry, you don't want the food to get cold." She pulls you along faster. "Wonseok, quickly put your things away and come eat!"

You stifle a laugh as you hear a string of swears come from Wonseok's direction. His mom either doesn't hear him or is choosing to ignore it for your sake. You've heard about Wonseok's mom used to be when he and his older brother were younger, but that's almost a completely different from the woman you know now. "She's gone soft with her two youngest kids," as Wonseok and Wonjae like to remind you and Frankie.

She ushers you to sit at the small table in the corner of the kitchen. It's too small to be a regular use table to eat family meals at. There's only enough space to barely fit three people in it. It's mostly used for meal prep like cutting vegetables, marinating meat, and sifting through beans. Wonseok once told you that it was the table where he and Wonjae would sit and do homework while their mother cooked dinner. If they were done with their homework or if they didn't have anything to do, they'd sit there and help their mother by doing all of the prep work for her. The first few times you went over to visit, you'd sit there and help her too while you two got to know each other before she let you work alongside her directly.

"What did you make, mom?" You ask as you spread out the utensils she left on the center of the table.

She walks over to the table slowly, carefully holding a hot bowl in hers with only a thin cloth protecting her skin. “I made kimchi-jigae because the two of you have been out in the snow.”

“Wow,” You look at her with an open mouth smile and a twinkle in your eye. “How do you always manage to know what I want?”

“A mother just knows,” she says simply as she turns around to get a bowl of rice and side dishes for you.

“I smell Kimchi-jigae,” Wonseok announces as he makes his appearance in the room. He quickly tosses something in the trash and joins you at the table. “I’ve been craving this for ages!”

“See?” Wonseok’s mom gives you a simple wink as she gets Wonseok some food.

After a few more minutes, Wonseok’s mother comes back to the table with his food. She sets it down in front of him before scurrying off to the stove once more. The two of you wait silently for her to return to the table, both out of politeness and fear of burning your mouths.

She slowly walks back to the table, careful to not spill a drop of whatever is in the mug in her hand. Finally, she takes a seat in the vacant chair at the table.

“Oh look at both of you, so well-mannered waiting for me. You can go ahead and eat,” She cheers as she gestures at both of you.

You watch as Wonseok resists the urge to make a wisecrack remark and instead takes a careful sip of the stew from his spoon.

“Thank you for the meal.” You say quickly before taking your own sip.

Wonseok's mom nonchalantly sips from her mug and watches fondly as both of you eat your food. The heat from the soup and the spice from the kimchi work quickly to thaw out your body from being outside in the snow.

You've been back in Seoul for a few days, but it's barely now setting in that you're on vacation mode. Your flight landed a little earlier than planned and after some convincing, Wonseok drove you to the company building so you could pick up some of the packages and mail that Wonseok and Frankie weren't allowed to pick up for you. Mostly signed "thank you" albums from the groups you wrote album reviews for over the past couple of months.

Wonseok's mom takes another sip of her drink, which you can only assume is tea and lets out a satisfied sigh. “How’s my other daughter? Did she get home safely?”

“She did, she sent us a text when she landed. Knowing Frankie, she’s probably asleep right now. It’s almost 9pm over there and her trip was almost 17 hours long.” Wonseok relays and he searches through his phone. You’d check yours but Wonseok confiscated both your phone and your laptop the second he picked you up from your apartment.

It's all a part of his "make Y/n take a break" initiative. For the next couple of weeks, everyone is going to be allowed to work from home to give the staff members who want to travel for the holidays to do so. The only days that you actually have off are Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Year’s Day. Wonseok, knowing you very well, made you hand over your phone and laptop and told you that you’d get them back on the 26th.

“She’ll be here for Seollal, right?” Another sip, another question.

“Um,” You watch as Wonseok goes to his calendar app. Different color bars fill in the dates. “She will be back. She’s only staying until her mom’s birthday.”

“Y/n? Are you going to be here for Seollal or are you going back on the road?” She shifts her attention back to you.

You blink for a moment, trying to remember your schedule for the first half of the year. Korean Lunar New Year changes its date every year. This year it was at the beginning of February. Next year it’s… “When is it?”

“January 29th—a Wednesday! This year it was on a Saturday.” Wonseok grumbles as he slides his phone back into his pocket.

“Oh, I’ll be back home then. There are two more shows in Hong Kong but they’re on the 18th and 19th so we’re not going to rush back. After that, I’m home until the second leg of the tour starts in March.” You nod quietly to yourself. There’s not much in your head at the moment other than Stray Kids’ tour schedule.

“Oh good!” She sets her cup down on the counter and claps her hands together. “That means the three of you can come here.”

“Mom, I love you but I’m not spending Seollal at home with my parents.” Wonseok whines.

“Ah, cover your mouth before you talk.” His mom nags as she gets a napkin and places it in his hand. “And you wouldn’t have to spend holidays with your parents if you had a girlfriend.”

“Y/n is single too. So is Frankie! And Wonjae hyung too.”

“I'm not worried about Y/n. She’s almost there since she’s traveling with all those handsome and pretty men. There's eight of them, right? You're still young, you don't have to settle down with one of them. Just have fun and--"

"Mom!" Wonseok groans, burying his head in his hands.

“What?" She asks innocently. "I was young once. How do you think you got here?”

“Adoption,” Wonseok answers quickly.

“That would have been easier than what actually happened. I was in labor with you for 12 hours. You had a big head." She pats Wonseok's normally shaped head.

Wonseok stares into space for a moment thinking, or maybe dissociating, before letting out a deep sigh and setting down his spoon. “…Suddenly, I’ve lost my appetite,”

You clear your throat both to stifle a laugh at Wonseok's expense and to redirect the conversation. Fortunately, the redirection worked. Unfortunately, the attention is brought back to you.

"Speaking of which, Y/n, has anything sparked between you and any of those boys? What's their name? Lost Boys or something like that?" Wonseok's mom eagerly turns to you. You know she doesn't get these kinds of interactions with either of her sons. You and Frankie are the only ones who'll even talk to her about this sort of thing.

"Stray Kids," You correct politely. "And no, it's not exactly professional. I'm there just to take photos of them and interview them for the company."

"That's true, and I admire your professionalism. But your heart and your brain aren't always in agreement. Your brain might be focused on the business aspect of things, but your heart has no true understanding of those boundaries. Nobody is going to fault you for having feelings for one of them. And you're a very intelligent, loving, and capable woman who is also very beautiful, I wouldn't be surprised if all of them fell for you."

"Mom," Wonseok quickly grabs a napkin and wipes the corners of his mouth. "The heart may want what it wants but you don't understand the field Y/n works in. Even if the idols are allowed to date, many of their fans will cause an uproar so it's just better not to. Plus, even if it were easy, she would do all of them all of the time or work in her hotel room. She doesn't have the time."

Wonseok isn't completely incorrect. He's right about how difficult and troublesome dating an idol would be. The amount they work alone is taxing and you're not sure how any of them would have time for a personal and dating life on top of that. But some members of their fanbase don't understand the meaning of the word "boundaries" and would make the life of whoever is dating an idol, hell. But he is wrong about the fact that you're with all of them all of the time. In your free time, you are with some of them as they continue to visit you while you work in cafes. But more recently, Changbin has made more of an appearance in your daily life, without any of the other members.

You know for a fact that he hates the idea of being pent up in a hotel room when he's on tour so he tries to do something every day so he's not stuck inside. But after the two of you officially reconciled, he's been making his way down to the cafe where you're often emailing your team members back and forth or working on your parts of the project. Most of the time, he sits there quietly, doing his own work while you do yours. And then after a while, he'll invite you to go and eat with him somewhere to take a break. Somehow, you've found yourself around the person you disliked the most at first. It’s not like you’ve imagined crossing the boundary between artist and journalist into…romantic partners (?) with Changbin. But you somehow found yourself being the closest to him out of all of the members and you two are alone in public a lot. So if there were ever an opportunity for a dating scandal, it would be with him.

"Love knows no bounds. Trust me, I hated your father at first and he hated me. Once we reconciled our differences, we started to become friendly, but my parents weren't the biggest fans of it. And his mother absolutely hated me. Still, we got married, had you and Wonjae, and eventually your grandparents got nicer. It was tough but we survived it."

“I think having your in-laws hate you is different than having basically the whole world hate you. What’s that phrase you always say, Y/n? ‘Hell hath no fury like a sasaeng scorned?’” Wonseok turns his attention to you, an amused smile creeping up on his face.

“That’s one part. The company will always make matters worse too. Plus, I’m meant to be behind the camera. Not in front of it. That's where I'm most comfortable.” You shrug him off, gently kicking him under the table to tell him to change the subject.

"Alright, alright, enough about Y/n's nonexistent love life," Wonseok laughs, turning back to his mother. "When are dad and Jae hyung coming back?"

"Maybe they ran away," She shrugs nonchalantly before taking one more large sip from her cup.

Both you and Wonseok can't help but laugh at her unbothered nature. The three of you continue to eat your food, making light conversation as you catch up. Both Wonseok's dad and brother returned home by the time you finished eating and began sorting through the ornaments in the box beside the Christmas tree.

The rest of the day was pretty much similar. The five of you stayed in the living room, setting up the tree while a drama played in the background. You, Wonseok, and Wonjae decorated the tree while their mother went back and forth between cooking and directing where to put what. Their dad mostly sat on the couch, micromanaging where the ornaments should go and commenting on the drama. As stressful as it was--decorating for holidays always comes with its own stressors--it was the most relaxed you've been in a while.

***

"It's bulletproof, mother fucker," You, Wonseok, and Wonjae quote in unison.

"Goodness," Wonseok's mother yells from the kitchen. "Can't the three of you watch something more festive? It's Christmas!"

You and Wonseok chuckle quietly to yourselves as Wonjae grabs the remote and raises the volume. You watch as he sets the remote back down on the coffee table, next to a few opened boxes from earlier.

Much to your annoyance, both Wonseok and Wonjae had woken you up around 8 in the morning, despite the fact that the three of you were up late drinking and talking outside until late. While you were still waking up, they went to wake their parents up and then all 5 of you went downstairs to open gifts and eat breakfast together. After a couple of hours of opening gifts and eating, the three of you decided to just sit around and watch movies while their dad went on a walk and their mom disappeared off into the kitchen.

"Ah, it's a duplicate. Wonnie, do want either of these?" Wonjae nudges his younger brought with the bottom of his foot. Wonseok looks up and sees that his older brother is holding up two Pokemon cards, part of the Christmas gifts you brought both of them from Tokyo.

"Munchlax and Snorelax? I already pulled those," Wonseok shakes his head and goes back to going through his cards and watching the movie.

"Can I have them?" You sit up on your elbows and turn your attention away from the movie.

"Yeah, sure," Wonjae reaches over Wonseok and hands you the cards. You take the cards from him and go back into your original position, examining the foiled cards in your hands.

"When did you start collecting cards?" Wonseok peers over his shoulder at you as you set the cards down in your pile of gifts.

"It's not for me. I know someone who loves Munchlax and Snorelax. Might as well give them to someone who'll appreciate them." You hum as you try to focus on the movie again.

Ring ding dong, ring ding dong

Ring diggy ding diggy ding ding ding

Both you and Wonjae look around the room for the sudden music. A few seconds later Wonseok jumps up and digs his phone up from the pile of Pokemon card wrappers.

"When the fuck did you change your ring tone to Ring Ding Dong by SHINee?" You scoff as you sit up.

"When my K-pop-obsessed best friend stopped being here to harass me with music every day," He mutters under his breath, his ears quickly turning red as he answers the call. "What do you want?"

You settle back down on the couch, making sure to throw your legs over Wonseok's lap before trying, once again, to watch the movie.

"Huh? Y/n? She's right here...Why are you calling me if you want to talk to her?"

"Because you took away my phone, you dumbass," You kick Wonseok as you pull yourself up again.

"Oh, that's right," He says sheepishly. You grab the remote and pause the movie. "I'm going to put you on speaker."

"I'm going to go, I have a date later. Thank you, Y/n," Wonjae smacks the back of Wonseok's neck and pats you on the head as he gets up before retreating upstairs to his room.

"Thank God Wonnie picked up the phone or else I would have thought something absolutely diabolical was going on," Frankie whines on the phone.

You quickly grab the phone from Wonseok's hands. He pulls a face at you, almost like the mere idea of dating you can make him throw up. You try your best to keep your own breakfast down. "Never say that again, Franks." You whine back.

"Well, you're the one who didn't pick up their phone!" You hear some rustling on the other side. "Merry Christmas, by the way."

"Merry Christmas, Francesca!" Both you and Wonseok cheer in unison.

"I'm only calling now because I've had a day today and I'm planning on getting shit-faced and sleeping in tomorrow." She mutters, the exhaustion heavy in her voice. "What did you guys do? What did you get?"

"Not much," You grab some of the wrappers that fell on the floor and hand them to Wonseok. "Got some clothes, books, and self-care stuff. We've been watching movies all day though. Which is why my phone has been held hostage."

"I'm craving hotteok so I'm going to see if I can convince you to go out with me to get some later." Wonseok pips up. He tries to get his phone back from you but you pull it just out of his reach.

"I'd kill for hotteok right now. Seriously, I'd trade my sister for a bite." She groans on the other end of the phone.

"How's Cape Elizabeth?" You ask softly. You know how stressed she gets around her family. And if she's calling you close to midnight her time, she's probably losing it.

"Small," More rustling plays through the speaker. "Speaking of which, Wonseok op--Wonnie, I need to ask you something."

There's a slight pause both on the phone and in the room. If you didn't know any better, you'd think you accidentally hit the pause button on the room. Maybe even yourself. Like you're somehow interrupting something. Wonseok doesn't look at you and instead focuses on the phone in your hands.

"It's fine, you can talk. I'm going to go and take a shower since someone wants me to leave the house in below-freezing weather on my last day off for a while." You hand the phone back to Wonseok and collect your things.

"Are you sure? I did call to talk to you."

"Yeah, just call me after if you aren't too drunk by then." You make a kiss noise over the intercom and then organize your bags of gifts.

Ready to go, you stand right in front of Wonseok and stick out your hand, palm facing up. He looks at you for a moment before digging into his pocket and gently placing your phone in your hands. You let out a satisfied hum before running upstairs, going right past the first articles you, Frankie, and Wonseok ever wrote printed and framed on the wall right next to pictures of all three of you.

You quietly scroll through your phone as you walk up.

You still aren't used to your lock screen or the contact names on your phone. Seungmin changed them for you while you were at the airport. Originally, you thought he was only going to change the lock screen. Before, you had a picture that you had taken at a concert you covered earlier in the year.

But then Seungmin went on a longwinded rant about how unprofessional it was for you to have another group on your phone while you were temporarily on the staff for them. You gave him your phone and told him to "go ape shit" thinking that he'd just change the photo. You didn't expect him to change the contact names and photos of all of the members while he was at it.

You set your phone down on the bed and dig through your suitcase for something you can wear when you go out with Wonseok. It's only to get hotteok but knowing Wonseok, the two of you are going to get sidetracked and be out later than you planned.

Oink, oink!

You look around on the floor, confused about where the noise came from. Your eyes finally land on your phone with the screen lighting up brightly. Another thing you didn't realize. Seungmin gave everyone custom ringtones. You laugh to yourself as you pick up your phone and answer.

"Hello?" You continue digging around your bag, tossing possible contenders onto your bed to look at later.

You hear some movement on the other end of the line before someone clears their throat.

"Good morning, noona! Merry Christmas," Changbin's familiar soft, warm voice rings in your ear.

"Good morning and Merry Christmas to you too." You find a sweater that you like at the bottom of the bag and set it on top of everything else. "You didn't have to call by the way."

"What? I can't call and greet my elders properly?" He jokingly scoffs.

"I'm barely 3 years older! Don't act like I'm on my deathbed!"

"Three years is a lot at your age. Be careful, noona!" He teases further.

"Did you call me just to bully me, Changbin-ssi?" You press your phone between your shoulder and cheek while you get up from the floor.

"I called to wish you a 'Merry Christmas!'" You can hear him click his touch over the speaker. "And to make sure you're not working on stuff right now."

"It's Christmas Day,"

"You never know with you!"

"This is coming from the man whose group announced a comeback two days after a Japanese release, during a world tour." You backflop down onto the bed, staring at the smooth white ceiling. Part of you wonders if Changbin is also lying in a similar position.

It's weird, how normal this conversation is. If someone were to tell you that you'd be sitting on the phone talking to one of the idols you followed and admired on Christmas Day and that he had hated you for a few months, you're almost certain that you'd have a stroke.

"Touché," A loud laughter rings through the phone. "No, but seriously, I'd rather call and wish everyone a merry Christmas."

"All of your group members texted me,"

"They're boys," You can almost picture the creeping up on Changbin's face as he tries not to laugh. How his neck and ears might be slowly turning red. "And incredibly shy. Even the extroverted ones"

"Oh trust me, I know. I've been around all eight of you long enough to know."

There's a pause. You can hear a low hum coming from Changbin's end of the line. Other than that, you can only hear your own breathing and the buzzing from the heater above. It's still awkward between you and Changbin, even more so over the phone. At least when you were on tour, it made sense to have conversations like this with him. But now--

"If I'm being completely honest, I'm kind of bored. My noona has plans with her boyfriend and my parents are taking naps before going out to dinner." He admits softly.

"Then it's a real shame that I'm going to have to leave you soon."You flip over to your stomach and start to pull at the fabric of your comforter.

"Oh, you have plans? I didn't realize that you had a b--"

Knock, knock, knock

"Y/n! I'm going to take a shower real quick and then we can go!" Wonseok calls from the other side of the door.

"Okay!" You call back, You scramble to your feet and grab clothes at the top of the pile. "Sorry, Changbin, I have to get ready or else there's going to be a hangry situation. I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah, I'll call again around the New Year's. Goodbye, noona!"

"Merry Christmas, Changbin!" You hum one more time before hanging up the call and getting your things ready.

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

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crow2222 · 28 days ago

Text

Darry x Paul headcanons

They're in my head and I'm gonna make everyone aware of this. Mostly fluff, warning for an eating disorder.

Darry's ticklish. Paul knows exactly where, and would tickle him out of nowhere which pisses Darry off. PAUL on the other hand, isn't at all and Darry hates this fact.

When Darry had custody of his brothers, he'd always be up and early first, but once they grew up and Darry had time to finally slow down, Paul would wake up first and make him breakfast and lunch if he had enough time. Darry is bashful about it everytime.

They have two rings each, one lavish bought by Paul, which are rarely worn, and one bought by each other in the early stages of their relationship, holding much more sentimental value and worn almost daily.

I don't think they'd be in lavender relationships. Darry wouldn't want to marry a woman he doesn't love that way, and Paul simply doesn't bother. Maybe they try to go on dates here and there but oh boy they never work out.

Paul likes leaving his clothes or straight up buying new clothes for Darry (cough purple madras shirt) (cough lettermans jacket like in white knight) Darry felt guilty about it at first but once Paul realised he needed more working shirts than fancy dress shirts, he started being much more glad to find new shirts without holes to work in.

Olive theory but with tomatos. "You like ketchup but not tomatoes?" "Darry I'm not explaining myself again."

Darry likes when Paul runs his fingers through his hair, and when he rests his chin on his head too. #darrywouldloveweightedblankets but it's okay he has Paul for that.

Once Soda and Pony caught onto what they are, they were mostly confused as to why it was Paul.

They extensively plan holidays abroad but only manage to carry out their plan of a roadtrip across America. Paul swears he'll bring Darry to Europe one day.

Paul got really worried when he noticed Darry's small eating habits, which he'd developed when he was really low on money back when he was taking care of his brothers. Paul tried his best to help, but eventually Darry did gain more an appetite in his own time. (He didn't want to tell Paul he was being the opposite of helpful)

Absolutely love looking back on football team photos, and laughing about how young they really were when they first got together and fell out.

Oh yeah they fell out at some point. Years later, both better and healthier to be in a relationship, they got together again.

When asleep in the same bed, they're moving constantly to find more comfortable positions, but when they're cuddling, dead still.

Back when they were in school, Darry would write about Paul, and Paul would draw Darry. I'm talking sketchbook filled to the brim of drawings of Darry, some from memory, some quick sketches 'in the moment' and the occasional rare painting of when Darry would model for him. Darry mostly wrote poems, but sometimes he'd just write memories with great detail so he'd never forget. Years later they also look back at these, too embarrassed to show each other (They both know where their sketchbook/notebook and have looked through them.)

Absolutely love parties, no matter how boring they might be - like a cousins baby shower that's just cake. If it's called a party, they're showing up to catch up with old friends and cause general havoc together.

Ponyboy gets them those Christmas decorations with two male cardinals (he's a bit of a bird nerd) and they don't understand whenever he buys them yet another bird decoration. One Christmas he tells them, and they become much more cherished.

Darry's handwriting is HORRIBLE and Paul writes in any cards they send out.

Paul got Darry a dog once he started talking about adopting a kid, jealous of fathers he'd see in town with kids attached to their hips. He thought he'd never want kids after taking care of his brothers, but he sure enough, he grew up and wanted a junior of his own!

#these ARE ship hcs but you are free to think of them as platonic if you want :)#not sure if many can LMFAO #the outsiders #darry curtis #darrel curtis #paul holden #the outsiders headcanons #parry #darry x paul #darry curtis x paul holden #the way i KNOW i have more hcs but cant think of them #ignoring that theyre doomed here #yes i know they are

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volturiprincess · 7 months ago

Note

Hello can you write about getting into a relationship with volturi guard? How is that process would be like? Thank you💗

Getting into a relationship with them (HC)

A/N: Sorry it took a while to get out 😅. Hope you like it 💙 (I noticed a certain familiar name for the GIF of Alec😁)

Felix:

You know that phrase “Right time, right place”?

Well you were in the middle of your Junior abroad trip in Barcelona, when you decided instead of going to the beach like your peers were you headed to the library called “Biblioteca Publica Arus”

You were skimming through the bookcases not really paying attention to anything but the books when you bumped into something, well more like someone

About to apologize you were caught off guard by how tall he was, mouth was hanging slightly open and eyes widen kind of deal

How the fuck can he be so tall….and so handsome!? Wait? Red Eyes???

“Ay perdón, no estaba prestando atención a lo que me rodeaba.” (Omg sorry, I was not paying attention to my surroundings)

Not expecting him to have such an irresistible deep voice with an accent that left you feeling weak in the knees he answer “No te preocupes hermosa, debería ser yo quien te diga lo siento, claramente estás en tu área de interés y te interrumpí.” (“Don't worry beautiful, I should be the one saying sorry to you, your clearly in your area of interest and I disrupted you”) and he finished that off with a wink

That wink had your mind going in an overload of emotions

You guys introduce yourselves and he took you out for Crema Catalana

He didn't eat any which you found odd but none of that mattered when you were with him

There was just something about him that made you feel so attracted to him, it's an indescribable feeling but all you knew is you wanted to be with him forever

He was absolutely a sweetheart with you, held the doors open for you, would listen to you when you would ramble about your studies and your hometown, he also shared about his life and said he was just passing through

It was like that for a couple of week when you have time off from your studies until you had to go back to your university, you feel for him hard

He offered you to come with him back to Italy and you could go to a school that is nearby, all expenses paid and you would get to live with him

You would be crazy not to take the offer so you did

Now skip to a year, obviously you know about him being a Vampire and have meet the other guards, but you have never felt so happy

He told you about the mate bond (which made so much sense now), and your changed date was set after you graduate

If you never went to that library who knew if you would of ever meet your hunk of a mate

Demetri:

It was feeding time for the Volturi, and you happened to be one of the unfortunate souls so be part of the group

You can't be blamed with this, you got convinced to take this tour by a beautiful goddess who could probably convince you to do anything if she wanted

So here you were admiring the interior design on this ancient castle, you were a sucker for this type of architecture

The tour ‘ended’ in a throne-like room, it was gorgeous in there, but wait…is that a drain? Or two? Why are we surrounded by what you can describe as beautiful beings who are too beautiful to be humans?

Oh shit! Am I going to die? This is what I get for following my love for women and exquisite architecture mindlessly

As if on cue the beautiful beings around the room come at the group and you witness so much blood and screams

Vampires!? Soon after that realization you spot one stalking towards you like a predator does to a prey, he’s beautiful with his brown locks and burgundy eyes maintaining his eyes on you

Before he even gets to you, you feel someone grab you and pull against their chest with covering your mouth, you try to fight but you hear a husky seductive voice whisper into your ear “Relax gorgeous face, i'm not going to let you get hurt, trust me”

He took you to a room and said he will be back later

He came back and oh dear gosh he is beautiful

He revealed his identity and why he saved you

From that day your destiny was to live with Demetri and one day become a Vampire like him

Of course it took you a while to get used to be with everyone else but with time you grew close to them

You later found out the one who was about to drain you dry that fateful day was Alec (he of course apologize, but you always kept an eye on him)

With Demetri it took you a solid 2 weeks when you gave him a kiss, he was patient with you and he wanted you to make the moves or waited for you to give him permission to do other things

He was easy to be around, you guys would talk about anything, and he would take you out to the most romantic or cutest dates, there was no inbetween

The relationship just happened to become so natural, almost like you knew each other since forever

Alec:

Boy oh boy are you for a ride

You happen to meet to be a witness for the Cullens for the whole ‘immortal child’ fiasco, you knew Carlisle since he was turned so you were really good friends

When the Volturi arrived, you got a weird feeling, your initial thought was a bit of fear and panic when you saw the whole coven but then it quickly turned to “Mate!?”

You looked at each member trying to identify who it was until you saw him

Oh gosh, of course it had to be one of the infamous intimidating twins

He is breathtaking, and those eyes, they were your favorite color, burgundy

Just the thought makes you want to run your hands through his dark locks, wtf are these thoughts, well you did just find your mate so it's not your fault

As if he knew someone was looking at him, his gaze snapped to you

The eye contact was filled with tension and what you can tell as yearning

He quickly looked away and you also

When the whole drama was finished and Marcus confirmed the bond, you ended up going with the Volturi back to Italy

But this is the interesting part, he avoided you for a while

Like you tried to approach him but he would vanish, Jane would just give you the death glare, and frankly you do not want to feel her wrath

Marcus was the one who basically ‘locked’ you guys in a room and that is where hell broke loose

Harsh words were said, venom in eyes, but then he said “I do not mind you, I think I can get used to having you as a mate, but friends first “ which you agreed with

And soon a beautiful friendship was created

Took almost a year of building up his trust and Jane’s

He was the who showed affection first, he held your hand one time in a meeting with the kings

And then you guys had your first kiss on your first date in the gardens

Then the rest is history

Jane:

She’s a tough cookie

She meet you when you were brought in by Felix and Demetri to the Kings

You were brought in for the reason of your ability, you were able use an invisible hand that can hold your victim in place, you could even crush them if you wanted to (You could imagine the excitement in Aro’s eyes when he heard about your ability)

A bit like the Alec’s encounter, you two made eye contact and the intensity was so strong

But even if Marcus confirmed your mate bond, she wanted no sort of relationship with you, heck the looks she would give you left you scared for your life

Obviously you do not fear her, but what she can do left you always on high alert

You gave her space, not wanting to force this bond, and not wanting to anger her either

She didn't speak a word to you for 5 months, when she did it was simply “I was reading that book” (it was about flowers)

You responded with a simple “oh i'm sorry my little death flower”

The look she gave you was unexpected, her eyes widened slightly and her mouth opened slightly basically this was her reaction: 👁️👄👁️

Same with Alec, it took a year from that day for her to be with you

You were the one to make a move, when you were both reading her hand was in reach and you held it, her head snap to you but you focused on the book, you only squeezed her hand but she did not pull away or anything on the contrary she scooted slightly closer to you

There was another time she laid her head on your shoulder suddenly but you didn't say anything

Until when you asked her out to a date and well that was the best decision you ever made

You took her out on ‘picnic date’, which only involved blood with wine

The sun was already setting and you both turned to each other and leaned in and shared a kiss, the bond from there only got stronger since then

#the volturi #felix volturi #alec volturi #demetri volturi #jane volturi #volturi headcanons #twilight renaissance #twilight headcanons #twilight saga #twilight headcanon #felix volturi x reader #alec volturi x reader #demetri volturi x reader #jane volturi x reader

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thinkingaboutfilm11 · 2 months ago

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in your compalints about the senna series post, you mentioned how his family is very meddling and controlling. what makes them this way, what have they done? i'm not that aware of the the significance of his family and what they may have said and done, in the past and now, cause i'm a newer fan. can you please explain?

heya Anon!

apologies I spent a while sitting on this, ive been so tired lmao and spent all yesterday on animal crossing in bed.

ANYWAY (I will say a TW here for underaged sex)

Yes it is true (i will include sources below) that Ayrton's family have been very meddling in Ayrton's life, and even now, after being dead for thirty years, they still try and exercise control over his media presence and the way he is shown to the world.

The most significant way they meddeled in his life was primarly though who he dated and his romantic life.

It began at 13 years old when Ayrton first had sex with a prostitute who was very much older than himself, he was pushed into it by his older family members, and even Ayrton himself said in a playboy interview that 13 was considered 'late' in his society to loose his virginity, and it was 'difficult at his age'.

Then, later in life Ayrton was 'encouraged' into multiple relationships, primaraly his one and only wife- a senna family friend, Lilian de Vasconcelos. Although it has never officially been reported as an arranged marriage, myself and other people believe so. I think the main giveaway was that Ayrton refused to marry her in a church, under God's witness. With Ayrton being the extreamley religious man that he was, I find it hard to believe he wouldn't have wanted God involved in such an important undertaking in his life. The marriage lasted 8 months and Ayrton always did his best to sweep it under the rug, saying in later interviews he was 'too young' and there wasn't 'much love between them'.

Ayrton's rather famous engagement with Adriane Yamin was much the same. Their fathers had been friends for many years, they both worked the factory buisness together. Adriane was often accompanied by her enthusiastic family chaperoning whenever her and Ayrton met. (let it be known that although I do believe ayrton was pushed into this relationship by his family, I still very much believe he also had alot of wrong doing on his part for allowing this to go on, and do not support him at all in it.)

Ayrton finally met adriane Galistou, whome he multiple times said was 'the love of his life' (prosenna aside- I do think he liked her alot because she put up with alot of his BS and was good for him). Ayrton's family very much did NOT like adriane, they recorded all his phonecalls with her, refused to interact with her, and also refused to invite her to his funeral, instead inviting Ayrton's ex from 3 years ago. (absolutley disgusting behaviour if you ask me). I think the way the senna family interacted with Adriane Galistou says alot about Ayrton's past relationships, they felt out of control and paniced that Ayrton was doing something off his own violition, and not their own ideals.

Even back in the 80's people rumoured about Ayrton's homosexuality. Many of his relationships seemed fake on the surface, and many believed that they were 'press' relationships, set up by the family to hide the truth. Most prominantly, Ayrton's friend, assistant and helicopter pilot Americo Jacoto Junior accompanied Ayrton wherever he went abroad until 1985, when Ayrton's father forced Ayrton to fire him as the rumours about their homosexual relationship got too strong.

Ayrtons family as I mentioned are also very very picky about his public image. They refuse to aknowledge many aspects of his life, such as his appuling behaviour towards others on track ect, and will sue any media that they believe does not portray the 'correct' image of Ayrton. Any media discussing Ayrton's homosexuality rumours (that have been ongoing since '85) will recieve a cease and dissist from the Senna family, and any media discussing Galistou's relationship with Ayrton recieves the same treatment. The senna family refuse to even say she exists, going as far as banning filmaker Asif Kapidia from using her in the Senna (2010) documentary, and also the upcoming senna series in Netflix. The biggest critiques of the senna (2010) documentary is how one sided it is, and what a poor job it did at giving a fair overview of the whole situation. Kapidia had ten hours worth of interview with Alain for instance, which he never even touched. Again, I believe this is due to the family. They gave over many hours of home movie footage to the filmakers in return for image control over Ayrton, and to this day it is the only documentary they have willingly helped and given their blessing to.

I dont know what it is that motivates their strange behaviour. An unwillingless to let go perhaps, grief is still very strong amongst them all, I dp believe that it can be hard to grieve when the whole world is watching but still- its not acceptable. Perhaps their religious beliefs also clouds their visions, they are scared about Ayrton's image being ruined and he can't be seen as anything other than 'saintly'. They are meddling and wrong.

If Ayrton was homosexual (which I am not sure if I believe- I do think he was bisexual), if he was planning to marry Galistou, ect, nothing can be done about it now. Ayrton is dead, and has been for thirty years, and I think their constant meddling in his image is sad. I think they should just leave it all be, and let him rest. Continue his filanthropy yes, continue his good work and his charity, but leave his personal life at least out of the public's eye, and move on.

(daft coming from me- I know.)

SOURCES:

https://f1i.com/news/367169-ten-years-on-prost-hits-back-at-fake-senna-film.html

http://www.v-brazil.com/culture/Brazilian-celebrities/ayrton-biography.html

https://forums.autosport.com/topic/108051-senna-interview-from-1990/

(I do have another source about Ayrton's arranged marriages but I am struggling to find it. Ill add it here once I have found it.)

If anyone has anything else to add here please do!! i may have made some mistakes! Please remember I am not a researcher I am just a girl with a hyperfocus special subject lmao

#ayrton senna #asks

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starlightkun · 10 months ago

Text

➠ word count: 4.5k ➠ warnings: cursing, suggestive (no smut but they’re in love and horny lol) ➠ genre: fluff, established relationship, former hockey captain sungchan, chronically ill reader (chronic migraines), shortfic in the buzzer beater series (comes after saltwater smiles), some minor angst again but it’s about like growing up and being a human and finding your place and purpose as an adult, not between our couple or anything ➠ extra info: the reader in this has chronic migraines, which i have. when the reader’s migraines, experiences as a chronically ill person, and thoughts about being chronically ill are described, that is me writing directly from my own life. i am not generalizing the lives of all people with chronic migraines/chronic illnesses, but i am sending all my love to any readers out there living with a chronic illness, and here’s a reminder to go take your meds! ➠ series masterlist

“It feels like I can’t ever move on from this. From being Sungchan the hockey captain. I know you were just joking when you said it but—I don’t want to actually be that guy that peaked in college.”

“Yo, tell them about the championships against the Sharks, Sungchan!” Your colleague, Seunghan, insisted, pushing on your fiancé’s shoulder with his hand that held a drink.

Sungchan looked down at his feet for a moment, and you caught a quick flash of hesitation on his features before he looked back up at the group of enthralled people and gave a lighthearted chuckle and charismatic smile. “I’ve already told that story tonight, I’m sure everyone here doesn’t want to hear it again. Besides, don’t you all want to hear about Y/N’s paper?”

You two were at a rather ritzy gathering being thrown by your department celebrating that one of your articles had been chosen for publication in a huge literary theory journal.

“Anton wasn’t here when you told it earlier!” Seunghan shook a grad student instructor in your department. “And we’ve all read her paper like a hundred times before it got published.”

You reached up to squeeze Sungchan’s arm through his suit jacket. “It’s okay, Channie. I want to hear about it. That was championships your junior year, right? I wasn’t there, remember?”

He focused his gaze down on you for another second as if making extra sure, and you nodded and gave him a smile for good measure. He sighed, wrapped his arm around your shoulders, and began the story, much to all your colleagues’ delight.

A little later in the night found you by the drinks table with Ten. When you had moved back to your old college town to accept a position with the Literature department, you hadn’t expected to walk in on your first day and see a familiar face. Sure, you knew you’d be seeing Dr. Son, who was the department head now and had conducted your interview, and several of your old professors, but you’d been keeping up with most of your old schoolmates and as far as you knew, Ten had moved away after you two finished your two-year master’s program and remained there.

Ten swirled his cocktail around his glass before taking a sip, his eyes trained on your fiancé, who was still surrounded. “Why do I never get that treatment?”

“Maybe you should’ve been captain,” you snickered, taking another sip of your soda.

“Too much work.” Your friend wrinkled his nose. “So what is your man doing these days anyway? He get that PhD in molecular biology about fish or whatever?”

“Yep, he’s a whole doctor,” you told your coworker, looking over at your guy with pride. “Defended his thesis last spring, we did a short stint abroad for about a year for him to study some rare fish in the tropics to cure a rare blood disease. I enjoyed all the food and the sun, really. He probably got skin cancer. And now we’re back here. He’s actually doing his post-doc research here, too.”

“He’s curing blood diseases in tropical fish?”

“No, sorry, in people,” you covered your mouth as you laughed. “Somehow, the fish could help cure a human blood disease, I’m not sure about anything past that.”

“And you’ve got a fat rock on your finger,” he teased, grabbing your hand to inspect your engagement ring. “What a power couple.”

You giggled, letting him look over the ring. “Yeah, something like that. He proposed when we were abroad. God, it was the most gorgeous sunset. Just us, nice and quiet.”

“I’m invited to the wedding, right?”

“Duh. We just haven’t sent invites yet, bitch.” You pushed him with your foot, rolling your eyes. “It’s going to be a certified frat party, I’m afraid.”

“Kegger?” Ten grinned.

“I’m enlisting Taeyong and Kun to keep all you menaces in check for me.”

“Well yeah, you can’t trust your Chenle-of-Honor to do that, he’ll be the first up to do a kegstand.”

You laughed heartily at that. “A few years ago, probably. But I’m happy to report my man-shaped best friend has grown into a real adult.”

“Really? What’s the little monster doing?”

“Middle management in advertising at a designer company. He’s got his eye on a promotion soon, though. Oh, and he’s got the cutest little dog.”

“Speaking of little monsters…” Ten trailed off, eyeing your drink, then your abdomen. “No alcohol?”

“I can’t drink on my medication, remember?” You shook the ice around in your glass smugly.

“Damn!”

As you rode home with Sungchan, your hands entwined over the console, you looked out the passenger window with contentment in your chest.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he sighed, stroking a thumb over the backs of your fingers.

“For what?” You turned to look at him curiously.

His features were pensive and regretful as he focused on the road in front of him, one hand on the steering wheel. “For being a distraction all night. Everybody was asking me about hockey the whole time when all the focus should’ve been on you and your awesome article. I’m sorry, I'll completely understand if you just leave me at home next time.”

“Channie, why the hell would I do that?” You asked through incredulous chuckles, turning to hold his hand with two hands. “Celebrating my accomplishments would mean nothing if I didn’t have you there with me.”

“But I just—”

“Admittedly, I didn’t expect there to be so many puckheads in the Lang department,” you shrugged. “But I know where we work, and you are a bit of a hometown celebrity around here, baby.”

“That sounds like something you’d call somebody who peaked in high school.”

“Right, my bad. You peaked in college.”

“Rude.” He knocked your elbow with his, making you laugh.

“I’m kidding, handsome. But I am proud of you. I snagged a good guy, and I am not going to hide you away when I go to these events just because people are going to ask about your hockey career.”

“It’s not fair to you.”

“I appreciate you trying to put the focus back on me tonight, I really do.” You squeezed his hand. “But when Seunghan said everybody in the department had read my article hundreds of times, he meant it. They all helped proof and revise it dozens of times each. I was tired of reading it by the time it was accepted if I’m being honest with you. Hearing about your hockey game was a welcome reprieve from thinking about the body as a critical site for sex, gender, and political ideology in M. Butterfly.”

“Do you mean that or are you trying to make me feel less like a dick?”

“I mean it, baby boy.” You pinched his cheek.

He squirmed in his seat as he slowed to a stop at a red light. “You never call me that anymore…”

“Seems like you needed it.”

“Hey,” he said softly, turning his head to look at you. “I love you.”

“I know.” You cupped his cheek, stroking his cheekbone fondly. “I never doubted that for a second, baby.”

Sungchan leaned across the console to press his lips to yours, cradling the back of your head. You hummed delightedly into the kiss, moving your mouth against his sweetly.

When you felt the car suddenly roll forward, you jerked back, gripping his arm with a yelp. “Channie!”

He was already grabbing the steering wheel with two hands and slamming on the brakes again. “Fuck! Sorry!”

The car had moved forward less than half a meter and you were the only car at the intersection, but it was enough to get your heart racing.

“Are you okay, baby?” Sungchan checked on you with wide eyes, keeping one hand on the wheel as he reached his other hand over to grab your knee.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” You put your hand over his to reassure both of you. The light turned green then. “Let’s just uh, get home in one piece, hm?”

“Sounds like a plan.” He patted your thigh, leaving his hand there as he slowly started the car forward again.

“Channie?” You called out into the house, shrugging off your coat. You’d stayed a bit late to grade papers, and while Sungchan would’ve usually stayed to walk home with you, he had wanted to get a head start on cooking dinner.

“Pantry!” He yelled back, voice distant as he was presumably deep in the walk-in pantry.

You continued shuffling through the mail you’d grabbed on your way in as you walked further into your house, tossing the junk mail in the trash as you fished out the one packet that had caught your attention. Stopping at the doorway to the pantry, you tore open the thick packet. Skimming the letter and investigating the two lanyards inside, you informed your fiancé, “Donghyuck’s team is having a preseason scrimmage at the university, and he sent us VIP passes.”

Sungchan stuck his head back out of the pantry. “So that’s why he asked for our address the other day.”

“When did you talk to Hyuck?” You asked as he gently took the letter and lanyards from your hands.

“He called me out of the blue a couple weeks ago. I was at the gym before work and completely forgot by the time I got home, sorry, baby.” He flipped over the passes hanging from the lanyards, bright green and dark black, the colors of the professional hockey team that Donghyuck had gone on to play for after college. “I thought he was going to crash on our couch or something, not this.”

“He’s a pro hockey player making like millions a year and you thought he was going to ask to couch surf?”

“You think he wouldn’t?”

“Good point,” you chuckled. “So how was he? Sound like he was doing well?”

“You said it yourself, he’s a pro hockey player making millions a year. I’m sure he’s doing great.”

You frowned up at him. “You didn’t ask?”

“It was a quick conversation, he’s busy,” Sungchan shrugged and handed everything back to you, disappearing into the pantry again. “We barely had time to say hello.”

“We should go,” you declared, setting the lanyards down in a spot so you two wouldn’t lose them.

“Baby, it’s a Friday. That’s our date night.”

“We can miss one date night for this, Channie,” you scoffed. “Besides, I’ve never heard of Jung Sungchan not wanting to go see a hockey game. Are you sure you’re my Sungchannie? Were you replaced by an alien or something?”

Sungchan kept his back to you as he started chopping vegetables. “Never mind, you’re right. We should go.”

You narrowed your eyes suspiciously, but didn’t push the issue further. “Alright...”

Sat back down in familiar bleachers, you hugged Sungchan’s arm tightly, buzzing with excitement. As much as you had loved watching Sungchan play hockey when you were younger, there was something special about watching it with him, having him explain plays, tell you if a player made the right call, or how he would have done it if he had been captain. Being able to see the sparkle in his eye up close as he watched one of his favorite things. You’d seen it plenty of times in the years that you stayed local while he got his PhD. Which is how you knew that something was wrong now, even as he tried to flash a smile at you every so often, ones that never reached his eyes. He didn’t join in the cheers very enthusiastically, and never engaged when the other guys around him tried to debate calls that the refs made.

You found out that the whole team from your senior year had been invited as well, though some of them couldn’t make it. So it was you, Sungchan, Mark, Ten, Jeno, and Chenle in the VIP section. Yangyang was staying abroad with his parents, while Sicheng was at a seminar for work. Chenle was of course invited as an honorary member of the team, fresh off a plane from Paris with that promotion in his pocket.

Donghyuck was Good. He had been great when he was on the Raptors, obviously, which was how he had gotten scouted to go pro, but now he was great. And this was just a preseason scrimmage, just him messing around. You were sure he was scary good when he was actually trying at their real games. He’d kept his old number from college, 66, and seemed to have his own legion of fans with posters and signs.

When the game was finally over—and Donghyuck’s team won—a representative from the team corralled everyone with the VIP lanyards and directed you towards a different area while the rest of the stands filtered out. You kept your hold on Sungchan’s hand as you waited in what you were pretty sure was the women’s locker room for your old friend.

Finally, Donghyuck ran in, and everyone immediately swarmed him, hooting and hollering, slapping him on the back, ruffling his hair, and making teasing remarks about being a big shot now.

“Mark!” Donghyuck threw his arms around his old Big’s neck, nearly knocking his friend over.

“Christ, dude,” Mark wheezed, stumbling back a couple steps. “Are you still wearing your gear or something?”

“Did you not keep up with our lifting regiment?” Donghyuck shamelessly felt up Mark’s arms, then gasped dramatically. “Am I the Big now?”

Mark swatted his hands away. “If you want to pay for all my beer and drive me around in your Lamborghini or whatever, sure.”

“Deal!” The pro player grinned, then turned to the next person, who happened to be you. “Y/N!”

“Hyuck!” You beamed, opening your arms wide for him to throw himself at you as well, only staying up since Sungchan was right behind you to catch you. “Hey, there! God, I can’t believe it! You killed it out there!”

“Thanks!” He let go of you with one arm to wrap it around Sungchan’s neck, pulling him into the hug with both of you. “Oh, it makes me so happy that you two are still together! Are you engaged? Married? Kids? I didn’t have time to ask Sungchan when I called the other week, I was heading into an interview.”

You leaned back as much as he would let you, just enough to show off your ring. “He proposed last year. We’re— eugh!”

You were cut off by Donghyuck tugging you two against him into a tight embrace again. You gave him a pat on the back as you continued, slightly choked with your throat pressed against his shoulder. “We’re looking at a spring wedding…”

“I love you guys so much…” Donghyuck sighed. “All of you. I hope you know that hasn’t changed.”

“We know that, Hyuck.” You coughed, rubbing his back. “Make sure we have your address so we can send you an invite, okay?”

“What did I tell you, Y/N? In undergrad?”

“You told me a lot.” You laughed as he finally let you and Sungchan go. “Some stuff you probably don’t want me to repeat right now.”

“I said you guys were soulmates. I knew you were gonna get married. I knew it.”

“Oh yeah, you did.” You squeezed his hand that he still had a grip on. “Hey, when you retire from pro hockey, you can be a fortune teller.”

“Don’t joke about that, I’m the star player, haven’t you heard?” Donghyuck was practically puffing out his chest. “I’m years off from retirement!”

Sungchan grabbed him by the scruff then, teasingly mussing up his hair. “What did we always tell you about bragging?”

Ten, Jeno, and Mark eagerly joined in on giving him a killer noogie, the four of them managing to keep him in place despite Hyuck being the only one who had remained a professional athlete.

“Ack!” Donghyuck complained as he was surrounded. “Y/N! Chenle! Somebody, help!”

“Promise you’ll buy us dinner with your star player money,” Chenle crossed his arms over his chest as he watched on, “and maybe Y/N and I will convince them to leave you alone.”

“Yeah!” Jeno agreed. “Dinner and drinks and we’ll consider!”

“This is extortion!” Donghyuck yelped.

“Glad to see some things don’t change…” You sighed, shaking your head. “You guys still pick on him.”

“He needs an ego check,” Jeno snorted, his arm now around Donghyuck’s neck.

“I was going to take you all out to dinner anyway!” Donghyuck pleaded. “Didn’t you people read the letters?”

“It was in the letter, guys,” you confirmed loudly.

The guys all looked at each other, slowly releasing their holds on the youngest. With sweet, proud smiles, they fixed his hair and straightened his branded hoodie back up, smacking his shoulder and patting his cheek between compliments of how well he played and specific moves he did, giving feedback on certain things he could improve on still. Donghyuck rolled his eyes at the constructive criticism, but you could see him struggling to suppress the fond curl of his lip at being surrounded by his old teammates again.

When you finally got home that night, you felt about ready to collapse into bed. You had a tired, happy smile on your face from seeing all your old friends again, and haphazardly tossed your go bag to the side before stepping out of your shoes. Sungchan didn’t follow you into the bedroom, as you had expected. You heard him detour to the kitchen, and your ears perked up with interest as you changed into your pajamas.

Sungchan didn’t just get a glass of water, though. You heard him rooting around in the snacks, and that’s when you got concerned. You had just eaten dinner and had drinks, and he had plenty of bar snacks as you all hung around and caught up after finishing dinner. He shouldn’t be scrounging for a midnight snack already.

After tossing your dirty clothes in the hamper, you ventured out to the kitchen determinedly. Sungchan hadn’t yet found something to eat, a frustrated pout on his face as he pulled out box after box, but didn’t open any.

“Hungry?” You asked curiously, leaning against the fridge.

“No,” he sighed, setting the container of crackers down loudly then rubbing his face harshly.

You held your hand out towards him, and he took it immediately. You led him back through your house by the hand, into your bathroom and let go there. Walking back out through the house, you grabbed his desk chair from your joint home office, and pulled it into the bathroom. He was standing exactly where you left him, and let you wordlessly push him down by the shoulders to sit in the chair. Washing and drying your hands, you then readjusted the chair, making sure he was exactly where you needed him. Then you climbed onto his lap facing him, the two of you perpendicular to your bathroom vanity. You grabbed a fuzzy character headband from one of your drawers and put it on him, pushing his hair back from his face.

“I—”

“Shh.” You stopped him as soon as he opened his mouth, putting your own headband on.

Next, you grabbed your cleanser.

“What—”

“Shh,” you repeated with more emphasis, holding his eye contact firmly, until he gave up and closed his mouth, letting his head fall back against the head rest.

You meticulously went through your whole extended skincare routine, doing each step first on Sungchan, then on yourself. He finally gave up on trying to talk, then finally relaxed, then really relaxed, his eyes fluttering shut and a pleased hum rising in the back of his throat.

“All done, handsome,” you announced at the end, giving his cheeks a final squish between your hands, then pulling off his headband and fluffing up his hair.

Sungchan slowly opened his eyes, reaching up to take your headband off as well.

You smiled down at him. “How are you feeling, Channie?”

“Better, thank you, baby,” he replied quietly.

“You want to talk about it?”

He couldn’t look you in the eye. “About what?”

“Whatever’s been getting you bummed lately. You weren’t all there tonight, I could tell. And the day we got the passes, you didn’t even want to come in the first place. That’s not like you.” You put both your headbands aside on the counter, then stood up off him. “You get changed into your pajamas, I’ll tidy up in here. We’ll talk in a few minutes, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” He nodded, getting up and grabbing the chair to drag back with him.

You wiped down the bathroom counter and tidied up all your bottles and containers, listening to the sounds of Sungchan getting ready in the next room over. When you walked back into your bedroom, you were thrown for a loop as you couldn’t see your fiancé for a moment. You found him in your living room, sitting on your couch and holding a picture frame that usually lived on one of the end tables.

Sitting down beside him, you looked at the picture with him. It was of you two at his last collegiate hockey game, him still in his uniform as he picked you up and spun you around, bright smiles on both your faces. His face now was brooding, jaw clenched and eyes hard as he continued staring at it.

“You got me that for our first anniversary,” you commented softly. “I love that picture.”

“I do too,” he sighed, though his tone was much more bitter than his words.

“Talk to me, Channie,” you murmured. “What’s going on?”

“It feels like I can’t ever move on from this.” He shook the frame. “From being Sungchan the hockey captain. I know you were just joking when you said it but—I don’t want to actually be that guy that peaked in college.”

“Oh, Channie...” you breathed out, draping an arm across his back and leaning your cheek against his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize...”

“It’s not you, baby,” he assured you, squeezing your knee. “It’s everything else. Like I try to do anything else, be anything else, but I’m just dragged back into that stupid jock box again.”

“Well, what do you want to be?” You asked as you sat back up, rubbing up and down the center of his chest soothingly. “Not what you think other people want you to be, or what you think you should be. What do you actually like? What do you want to do? Do you still like hockey? Outside of everybody’s opinions about you liking hockey? It’s okay either way, for you to still like it or not. It was the biggest thing in your life for like twenty years, baby. It’d be ridiculous to expect you to just suddenly not like it as soon as you graduated.”

“Do you really want a husband that just talks about sports all the time while you’re talking about smart stuff?” He sighed, letting his eyes close as he leaned all of his weight against you, his hands dropping to rest the frame in his lap.

“I want a husband that’s you. That’s why I accepted your proposal and not like, Dr. Yoon’s or something.”

“I’m going to assume you’re being hyperbolic to make a point and that my research head didn’t actually propose to you. Because if not, then I’m going to stop pouting and write my letter of resignation right now.”

“I’m trying to make a point here.”

“Which is?”

“You’re really underselling yourself, Channie.” You encouraged him to lay his head in the crook of your neck, not letting up your movements on his sternum. “You’re plenty smart. We’ve been together for almost seven years and I still couldn’t keep track of a hockey game if a gun was to my head. Meanwhile you were a whole captain. You had to make decisions on your feet—or, your skates. Not to mention, hm, oh yeah, you have a PhD in molecular biology. Did you forget about that? Doctor Jung?”

“Oh yeah,” he mumbled into your collarbone.

“Oh yeah,” you mimicked him lovingly. “I nearly flunked my bio for non-majors course my freshman year, you know.”

“What?” He squinted up at you. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“You knew I was a Bio major, you should’ve asked me for help.”

“I kick myself every day for it,” you replied melodramatically, and finally saw a smile tug at the corner of his lips. “So? Do you think you still like hockey or not?”

He let out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I do. I really do.”

“Good. I’m glad.” You kissed the top of his head. “I want you to do stuff that makes you happy.”

“Coach came and found me at the lab last week... the day we got the VIP passes from Donghyuck. He’s looking for a part-time assistant coach, said I was his first pick,” Sungchan admitted quietly.

“That’s why you were so... off that day, huh?”

“Yeah. It felt like I was handed a pamphlet for a retirement home.”

You chuckled as he reached forward to set the picture down on the coffee table, then grabbed your hand that was on his chest. He looked up at you with heartachingly familiar, big, round doe eyes, ones that hadn’t changed in the ten years since you’d first met.

“I told him no but... I’m thinking maybe I should ask if he’s found someone else yet?”

“I think that’s a great idea, baby.” You pecked his forehead. “Coach Jung… I think I like the sound of that.”

“Yeah?” He grinned, a much different look in his eye as he sat up to his full height, towering over you.

“I don’t know, let me try it again.”

“Go ahead.”

“Coach Jung.” You reached for the back of his neck as he laid you down on your couch, hovering over you. “Yeah, it’s got a nice ring to it, huh? Powerful, sexy. I love a man with a whistle.”

“You’re so dorky,” he snickered, letting you pull his lips down to yours. “I love you so much.”

“I love you more, my Sungchannie.” You cradled his face with both of your hands.

“Lies.” He kissed your lips. “Impossible.” He kissed your neck.

“Says who?”

“Who has the whistle here?”

“You don’t have one yet,” you teased, holding your arms up for him to pull your shirt off. “Assistant Coach Jung.”

Sungchan kissed a trail down your front, stopping above your waistband. “You’re forgetting something, baby.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m a scientist, with a degree and everything, and I say it’s scientifically impossible for anybody to love anybody more than I love my girl.”

You made grabby hands at him, and he rose up from where he had settled between your legs, entirely blocking out the lights above you. You connected your mouths together again, wrapping your arms and legs around him so tightly he had no choice but to lay his entire weight on top of you.

“No fair,” you complained into his mouth. “I just told you I almost flunked Gen Ed bio.”

“You should’ve let me be your sexy tutor, then.” He didn’t sound sympathetic at all.

“Yeah, freshman you all sweaty and nervous in your hockey team hoodie.” You broke apart to giggle. “Real hot stuff, Channie. Literally.”

“You’re lucky you’re the love of my life, or I’d be really hurt at some of the stuff you say to me, you know.”

“You’re right.” You gave him a peck. “I am lucky that I’m the love of your life.”

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