#jokes and now it just doesnt mean anything. now it is just my band and my t shirts. like we arent 14 anymore im scared if we ever talked
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geffenrecords · 2 years ago
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i think i truly did not enjoy the mcr tour as much asi couldve because like we stopped being friends aorund that time which is so. wow haha. 
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my-mt-heart · 2 years ago
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Hi MT,
Im french and i needed to vent about something. I watched the finale when it aired in english. I cried and screamed with joy when he said i love you.
But i rewatched in yesterday, and for the first time, in french. I could not wait to hear "je t aime", also because i love the french voice actor who is quite famous here in the "dubbing" world. But i disgress.
So i watched it in french, with my popcorn, ready to hear "je t aime" . Guess what?
They translated it in... "i care about you, you know" and she answered the same.
I am fucking mad.
What were they afraid of?? That we dont consider it platonic enough?? Im curious to know how it went in other languages, if anyone can help....
I mean if in the original language they were not afraid to use i love you, platonicwise or not, why would they change it in french?? Its bad enough that all the other carylers hates us now because of te spin off 🤣 (joking... hopefully)
That said, Caryl is not the only one who suffered from it.
Rosita's "i'm glad it was you in the end" became "im proud of what you became" which litteraly doesnt mean... the same at all
The guy in the helicopter said to Rick something like "its like HE told you", dont remember the exact words but it definitely was a HE, and it became "I told you". In one case, you hear abt a mysterious character that viewers will probably meet in the spin off, in the other case it means nothing special. Please correct me if im wrong now i have doubts. It was a HE right?? In english
Anyway, i can tell u that it definitely wasnt i love you in french and im pissed beyond mesure.
Im sorry that i cant bring anything positive, i just needed to talk abt it with someone. My friends watch twd but they dont care abt shipping ...🤷‍♀️ lol
Also, now i know that even when i love the french actors that beautifully dubbs my favorite characters's voice, its still better to watch it in the original language... so much is lost in translation, or worse
Some languages translated “I love you” in a romantic context, others didn’t. It’s a really tedious task going through scripts and making notes to avoid miscommunication, and some things unfortunately get overlooked. I don’t think that’s the case here though. The real issue has nothing to do with the dubbing at all, it was the insistence on keeping Caryl’s relationship ambiguous. We can talk about body language and micro expressions all day, but the bottom line is Caryl fans shouldn’t have been expected to connect the dots for themselves after waiting years for the payoff. It was an obvious marketing ploy, a way to put a band-aid on the spinoff fiasco while making it safe enough to reinvent Daryl in the spinoff 🤦‍♀️
The thing is, Caryl fans still cherish that milestone in their relationship. Daryl spoke with conviction. It was a promise, not a goodbye as some have put it, so how the hell are we supposed to buy that he’s feeling uncertain again in the spinoff? How is that “tension” going to make us feel anything other than irritated? Carol is riding Daryl’s bike, crossing a damn ocean, and probably retracing his steps to find him. What’s Daryl doing to get back to her, specifically her, not just “people.” Not just “them.” 🤨 I don’t want to waste my time looking for subtle clues here and there. If the payoff starts with Carol, that’s whose story I want to follow to get there.
Sorry, I had some venting to do myself. I have no clue about the helicopter scene lol
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chilidogloverr · 2 years ago
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“I just came from r/196” ask game
Saw another post. I think I should invite y'all to one of our longstanding traditions. Answer the questions then tag 10 (or more) people. I'll go first.
Name? Jarrod
Pronouns and gender? they/he, guy???
Sexuality? Pansecual
Country? USA MERICA FUCK YEAH🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅
Top 5 fandoms? hazbin/helluva, fnaf, team four trees two, i forgor the rest
What is your Most forbidden snack? fabuloso also chapstick
Would you pet a bug? scared scared scared of bugs. dont like them. scary scary.
Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. i love fixing things, no matter what it is. my silly little brain just latches onto it like a puzzle, which it kinda is. i can already fix most electronic devices, or alteast know how to (FUCK apple and their stupid fucking anti repair policy. thats actual fucking bullshit. i dont want to have to pay for a 200 dollar course and license to fix your shitty god damn phones. mac books and ipads are aight. but FUCK apple as a company. all this does is protect their silly little fucking income from their stupid ass fucking phones breaking all the fucking time. all it does is make it so that people who do fix phones for a living fucking cant, and no devices to fix means no food on the fucking table for them or their families. they're toying with peoples livelihoods for a bit of fucking profit.) if i dont know how to fix it (cars, microwaves, tvs, literally anything that could break) i want to learn
What does the color blue taste like? mmm yumby
What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? the ocean. it goes on forever. it doesnt stop. i didnt realize that until i saw it in person. it stopped me dead in my tracks.
What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? ive got this protein bar. in 2020 (my second year of marching band, freshman year) i was eating a box of them on the way to marching band camp. i lost one. this was in july. i found it on the ground still sealed in january of the following year. i still have it. im going to eat it my senior year at the end of the year band dinner. i have not done it yet. im going into my senior year. im going to do it. it will kill me. i will not regret it.
Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? a pastor for a church i used to attend (unfortunately hes my uncle) blamed crime and evil on transgender people
Hyperfixation song? long list. Starman David Bowie, banana man tally hall, mr white keys cherry poppin daddies, play that funky music wild cherry, cant take my eyes off you frankie valli, sh-boom the ink spots, the devil went down to georgia the charlie daniels band
Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? I've been asked several times where "Chapstick Man!" comes from. It comes from TF2. I named a rocket launcher "chapstick gun" with the description "ngl chapstick taste kinda good" and then i thought the joke was funny and it stuck. my name is now Chapstick Man on like everything. i have not been sued yet. Im too cool to be sued.
Dream career as a child? also electronics repair technician (i am answering these out of order)
Dream career as an adult? still kinda a child ig. but i want to be an electronics repair technician, running my own little computer/electronics repair shop. i already know how to do it, i just need a building and to be 18 (i turn 18 in december) and people to come and give me their stuff to fix. i love fixing things.
Thoughts on cilantro? its aight ig
Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? I havent. but i plan to be. i am going to be silly and they cannot prevent it.
What is your cursed food combination? I did my burgers in ketchup if i want ketchup, i did my biscuits in gravy for biscuits and gravy
Trans rights? are epic!!!!!!
@everyone im lazy
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graph100 · 2 years ago
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list of slang that i have personally came up with
joe mamba - its like joe mama. can also refer to snakes.
perfectissimo - i dont think this is an actual italian word but it looks and sounds nice
gett diew - really weird way to say goddamn. pronounced like [gəʔ dʰi:ju]
whats [word]ing. ex: "whats fucking" "whats balling" alternatively with que (ex: "que [es] balling") it just means whats up but with different verb
pronous - funny misspelling of pronouns. i only ever use the correct spelling in serious situations now
al-chemy - pronounced like as if it was a german word. it doesnt really mean anything its just that our school band had a song called alchemy and i was trying to do the jan misali joke of "[word that starts with al] is actually just arabic for the [word that starts with al but without the al]" (ex: "alchemy is just arabic for "the chemy"") but nobody i know knows about definitive articles in arabic so it was only funny to me
bitchmal - it just means bitch but idk why but i just added mal to the end it sounds cool
certified - its like saying "real" or "true" for something but cooler because i made it
silly~ge (or silly~ games (or just silly~)) - describing games that are just a little silly quirky in some ways. like that one sailor moon fighting game is like silly~ like that.
forgör - this one i made up from forgor and gör because in caramelldansen lyrics they use the word gör and its weird because it sounds like pronounced like "your" so i fused them and it just means forgot
cyberpunkcore - i dont know anymore (not a definition just tired)
lorentz - bad future heisenburg from hit 2009 amc show breaking bad
jan sewi mi a - its like oh my god in toki pona but im like the only person ever to say this
thats it for now folx chatch me (holy fuck how did i spell that) catch me later for more definitons becase ik im forgetting smth
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pwblogarchive · 7 months ago
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November 2005
November 1, 2005
halloween in orange county was amazing. we had some tricks up our sleeve, so did you. thank you for making it into a fun night for us. if you’re serious too much it means you believe your own hype. if you joke too much it means you don’t take anything seriously. if you’re too quiet it means that you are arrogant. if you talk too much it means you crave attention. if you aren’t smiling it means you’re not happy.
sarcasm doesn’t read well over the internet. but trust me, if you don’t get it. then we’re/they’re probably making fun of you.
new things are coming to light. i am happy. if you are coming to the sacremento show you may have heard that motion city has had to cancel. but we have found a band to take their place for that show. come early because they play first- one of our favorite new bands.
dont give up on us just yet. its about to get good. i swear.
young hearts be free tonight.
November 11, 2005
"A beautiful girl can make you feel dizzy, like you've been drinking jack and coke all morning...." Nothing has felt truer. My mind is swirling. Even with the tour coming to an end. The black around your eyes running and not in a crying way more like sunset hitting a school blacktop. I can't wait to go home at the same time I can't wait to come back to every city. I love seeing old friends, still up front. Trying to remember every night is like trying to catch my breath. And the years took their toll but we're still right there. We're bullets in the chamber waiting for the powder and the hammer to kiss. I love the way fall feels in my nose. Oranges and yellows burning leaves and us always trying to make our way upstream. The world has a funny way of playing tricks on us. One day I've got it all figured out and the next it's a mess. Last year we were in the same town but it's all different now, but still the same. we're the local boys from everywhere. It's all about "the catch" versus "the one that got away". We're all trying to write them back into our lives and the hearts that we decorate and send cards out about on the holidays. We're just writing nets and barbs. Something to hold you until we've circled around to make sure no one is watching. It's been awhile but I think your baby boy has still got it. These words are poor substitute for my moods and emotions. I spend nights awake on single words, agonizing cos I don't want to let you down. And I feel like I have anyway. That's why I go away at times. Be alone together. Let's be stolen not borrowed. Forgiven not forgotten. Baby, the best ones are crazy. So cut it loose.
Listen to purevolume.com/thehushsound - the hush sound - so sudden...
11/11/05 Q&A
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just to but in, patrick seems shy off stage like in an interview or if us fans talk to him and hes not shy on stage or if hes w the band
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patrick is shy or maybe quiet in general- notice how he doesnt talk on stage alot? thats not cos he thinks i am really cool. its because he is just a softspoken guy. its both on stage and off. not to butt in but hes my best buddy and i hoep you love him the way he is.
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i try to come up with all these cool questions for you to answer but you dont answer any. peter, i think that you should have 2 Q&A boards so that patrick can answer some questions and you could answer some questions. because i dont think you like me. i like you.
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patrick doesnt like the internet. but he likes me.
question
What is ruckus juice?
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its what i gave old boy at the party so he’d get nekid.
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Hey, You just edited that last question. They asked about if it freaked you out..blah blah blah, and then you put something like if anyone takes picture of me. And now its if anyone takes notice of anyhintg i do.and the time changed. So are you on here right now answering question looking at the message boards? *Destiny*
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i didnt edit anything. i was on the bus without internet service. if it was editted it was not by me.
11/12/05
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pete, please take the time to read this. im not one for drama or causing it, im not into bashing bands or anything of that sort. i want you to read this and take everything i say into consideration. a few nights ago i went to your show in salt lake. it was a great night, i had my friends with me and i got the chance to see you guys perform. it was truly an exciting experience. i know that when bands are on the road, the only place that feels like home for them is their bus. so after performing it would be natural to get in the bus and rest, or sleep, or simply just chill out. when it all comes down to it, i know you guys are just as human as anyone else. you have just been put in a different situation where people find it exciting to meet with you. i personally would have just liked to meet you because as a songwriter, i think you have a way with words thats different from a lot of other songwriters. that means something to me.
my friend and i and a couple of other people waited for you guys outside where all the buses and trailers were. the four of us, and only us waited for more than two hours. we were there so long that security had left and the buses and trailers were getting ready to leave. andy was in a small building next to the venue eating and talking with your manager and roadies, etc. eventually, a girl that was with us poked her head in the room and got up the nerve to ask andy if he would come outside really quickly and just sign some things for the four of us, keep in mind it was just four kids, no one else was in sight except for roadies packing equipment. he came out and was really nice, shook our hands, signed a few papers and that was it, less than 30 seconds of his time. he told us it was fine and that he did not mind coming outside for a few seconds. throughout these few hours that we were waiting in the freezing cold to see you guys we asked roadies, some merch people, anyone basically, if they knew where you guys, patrick, joe, and pete were, and every single one of them either avoided us or just told us to leave and that you guys were not going to show up. some also said that buses feel like home and sometimes after a show you just want to go, in a sense, home. i understand that, but it wasnt like there were more than a hundred people waiting, or even fifty, just four. i also understand that as regular human beings, you guys have days when you feel down and days when things are going just right. pete, i love your words, and i enjoy the music that fall out boy makes. i still feel that way, but i have lost respect for you as people. it would have taken less than two minutes to meet with us and sign some things. we would have even been fine with you guys waving from your bus. my point is that you, patrick, and joe did nothing. ask andy if he was bothered by us, that it took more than a minute of his time, that he actually minded to meet with us, he will say no. please dont reply to me and tell me none of this was of your knowledge, we were there for a very long time, im confident someone would have said something to you or patrick or joe. when it all comes down to it, you guys are just four friends from chicago that got lucky and are now experiencing success you never dreamed of, success you yourself has said you never expected. you are where you are now because of your fans. you have a bus to sleep in with luxury items you know you dont really need because of your fans. you have a major label deal because of the support from your fans. you have money in your bank account because of every single kid that saw you play and took an interest in you. it is less likely that you will ever have to work a nine to five office job because of your fans. you have a music career solely because of your fans. your fans mean the world to you, but last night taught me a lesson and should open your eyes as well. you would be nothing if it were not for your fans, yes, even four kids from salt lake city and from around the world in general. i have learned not to trust someone even in your guys position. remember what i have said, let it resound in your head when there are fans outside some venue and you just wanna be left alone and go straight to your bus, your fans have paved the way for fall out boys success. i enjoy your music, but last night you lost my respect. it would be incredibly easy to just write me off, to write this message off, but you and i both know these words will be and are true whether you acknowledge them or not. thank you for your time. and no, i didnt mind taking time out of my day to write this. sincerely, marcos alvin words are to hide from, words are to hide behind
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i am sorry you missed the chance to see us. but i had the chance to meet many fans before the salt lake show in line. honestly i left nearly immediatly after the show to take my friends wife to the airport. i am sorry for the situation but hopefully next time we will have a better experience. i cant speak for joe or patrick but it is possible that they had valid reasons for not meeting people. also, at many of these venues we aren;t sure where people will be waiting. or security doesnt let us go outside of our buses do to curfew. over the period of three days when we were in salt lake i met over 50 kids probably and definitely appreciated meeting each one. anyway, accept my apology and hopefully you won’t let one interaction change your perception of our band, like it was said, we are only human as well- even if we are on a stage. take care.
11/13/05
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hey! i was just wondering, how good are you friends with mikey way??
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me and mikey are not in just one gang together, we are in two: the sweet little dudes and the fraternal order of the handsome boy. i call him the duke of handsomeness.
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Pete, If you were on a deserted island and had to choose between an Ipod full of your favorite songs or Patrick, what would you pick?
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trick question. patrick is an ipod full of my favorite songs.
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Pete, Why dont you sing? Im not saying Patrick cant sing, cause hes like the best. But I know you write a lot of the music but you dont really sing.. you just scream… which is cool too…and fun
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cos patrick is a better singer than me, and pretty much everyone on the planet. i am content to sit here and get a tan and bask in the heat of his awesomeness.
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My friends say i am conceeded cause i wear this shirt that is bright yellow with blue lettering. it says quarter on the front… the on the back it says “no woman can top me, yet all the dimes try, its gotta be a crime, to be this damn fly. I am i conceeded for wearing this shirt? XO ANGEL
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i think that shirt is insane. i dont really understand it. its awesome that you wear a shirt that says “damn fly” on it. it reminds me of the fresh prince when he was just a rapper not some shitty kids movie actor.
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I am so flipping mad at you. Those Marauder hoodies were, frankly, my favorite piece of clothing on the Clan line. And now its gone. At least you could have said it was limited. That way I could have bought it earlier. The new hoodies are ugly. Sorry, but they are. Maybe next time, you can give us some warning.
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i am sorry you missed out the chance to get the hoody. it was listed as limited on many areas where it was advertised. hopefully we’ll make some more “non- ugly” hoodies in the future.
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are those secret shows for OCK people? or is that confidential?
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he secret shows are for whoever can figure them out.
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you know how people always send you really long things about how they have lost respect in you, and they think that you have become just more famous people.dont worry there are still the fans out there that love you with a passion and have some understanding.
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we always appreciate hearing that. though all opinions are welcome and heard.
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hey petah… why do you where a hoodie onstage when your just going to take it off anyway??? i was pondering that while i was making cupcakes.
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why are you making cupcakes when you’re just gonna poop them out?
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since forever ago, my friends & i have been thinking of having guy cosmetics… guyliner & the like. i noticed you said something about guyliner in an earlier answer… would you sponsor?
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i think i am just gonna make some guyliner.
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what is release the bats about? i never heard of the movie
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its a movie me and my friends made. you can get it at the fueledbyramen webstore. www.fueledbyramen.com  
November 16, 2005 
winter is here again. it gets dark before i even wrap my head around the day. went home and saw my mom, the hushsound, and kanye west. my mom was definitely the coolest. but hush sound is amazing and butch walker is really nice (not in the "im nice cause you're in fall out boy" just a genuinely nice guy, which is refreshing). tour is winding down. its kind of a bumout. but another one will start soon. ive been hearing about you sneaking around my house trying to see who's going in and out- don't waste your time thinking about what i'm doing cause im not wasting my time thinking about you. you'll remember where you were at the exact moment that i stopped thinking of you forever.
don't believe the hype. girls with brains are sexy.
11/16/05
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Pete, if the secret shows get announced on trl theyre not really secret anymore are they?why?why did you tell them?
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they didnt announce when or where they’d be.
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I was at the cleveland nintendo fusion and i was wondering who the fat guy who came out screaming “mother f***ing FOB” was.
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thats dirty. you can meet on the release the bats dvd- you can get that over at www.fueledbyramen.com he says “im not fat, my mom says im big boned”
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what is a sell out to you? b/c some of my friends say that you guys sold out. i dont believe it but they just tell me to shut up. its getting annoying. i just wanted your input on it
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when you compromise your ideals for monetary gains, when you do something you would not otherwise do simply because it is lucrative. we do not do that. you never get a chance to hear about the things and ideas that we turn down.
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Patrick is jus the loveable kinda guy, isnt he?
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yes
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If you personally wrote a book about the band, what did it be called?
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fall out boy: how no one ever understood this band except the four people in it
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I know that pete likes to get yellow flowers… but what do the other members of FOB like to get?
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patrick: vinyl, records - motown stuff joe: star wars stuff andy: comic books, vegan treats
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my mom thinks your an attractive male…and the most attractive in fall out boy. What do you have to say for yourself?
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im never happy with the person in the mirror.
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how come patrick looks so gay in some pics on mtv.com? but he normally looks Hot???
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news flash gay is not a synonym for ugly. i know this may come as a shock.
November 17, 2005 
Swoon.
The only band that ever really mattered to me is back together.
I heart lifetime.
And the new harry potter movie is coming out.
November 18, 2005 
fall out boy friend appreciation day:
andy: ive known andy the longest of anyone in fall out boy. i can set my clock by this kid. he comes off as the quietest member but when he's around people he knows he is the loudest- many nights i have been woken up by him screaming in the front lounge. he is one of the few kids i know who is still vegan sxe- he lives and dies by his beliefs. he also looks like animal when he plays drums. id trust any secret ive ever had with him forever. ladies watch out when hes around. hehe.
joe: joe is actually the kid who started fob. it was his brilliant idea to get all of us maniacs together and he introduced me and patrick. he tends to be the glue that holds it all together. he is also pretty much the most interesting part of a fall out boy live show. i, with everyone in the crowd often find myself watching this kid spin around and kick holes in walls. ive also been in way too many sketchy situations with this kid, where we can only look at eachother and laugh. including the time we got in a huge fight at a party at his apartment which resulted in some asshole getting a bottle broken over his head. i plead the fifth on anymore knowledge. but i know i could come to joe with any problem ive ever had.
patrick: probably my best friend in the whole world. we can finish eachothers sentences. its strange cause ive never had a relationship like the one we have with a friend, ever. people try to make a big deal of him and my interactions and relationship. but honestly at the end of the day when the spotlights and flashes go away this kid is still gonna be here, and we'll still be friends. i could give a fuck what you say, this is one of the only people in the world that i would take a bullet for. and he has more talent in his little finger than i have in my entire body.
that is all.
new harry potter movie is amazing.
back to the depressing "magic-less" world.
November 18, 2005 
The real me is the giant squid. It’s the planet just past Pluto. Its time travel. Its all these theoretical ideas that cant be proven. How I feel is “what killed the dinosaurs” and “how the pyramids were built”. Just guesses that maybe hit their marks and maybe are miles off. Im a Saturday soul on a Monday night. Everything I know about girls I learned from watching my sister talk on the phone, fuck Im sorry, blame her if I got it all wrong. Everything I know about sex I learned from watching dirty movies, fuck im sorry, blame traci lords cause I know I got it all wrong. The saddest songs sing themselves.makeup caked on my face, not for the show but because im tired of being me. It aint a pretty face, its just the hull of the ship. And were burning up in the atmosphere. We crashed hard at the learning curve. The poets come to life in hotel rooms and bathroom stalls.
Look in the mirror and repeat: “hes losing his touch”- "why is this so cryptic" “we don’t want to be the next fall out boy”- and pretend your alive, handsome. its all the difference between: feeling exposed and feeling overexposed. read between the lines- Treat yourself like a video cassette rewind endlessly to catch only the best parts, skip over the rest and eject. You aint anything new, youre just the latest in a long line of people who have been you and will be you. and you aren’t even the best at it. but you might have the biggest mouth. massage this ego, cause its feeling kind of sore. But youre a sprinter and this one is a long distance race. They say you cant run the whole way but fuck what they say. Fuck you for giving up. Take this to press. You’ve only got four stories to tell and theyre getting old. Dig up some new dirt. Ill air some more dirty laundry. Cause that’s all this is. a laundry room without any washing machines (nobodys coming clean). Just because we’re not responding doesn’t mean what you say is true- or that it doesn’t hurt. The fair-weather friends are keeping score in journals and in whispered voices. That’s okay. Im never gonna pretend to be more than I am- just a kid trying to figure myself out, and how dare I? The glue isn’t even dry on my pity party invitations and im already bored with feeling sorry for myself. Pause. Keep clawing my way out of this, mr. Mess I have become. Its okay in the end for everybody no matter how this turns out. the simplest words seem to be the truest. Humming them out of key and in a voice so hoarse it hurts. Single light in the bunk glowing late night messages. My mom said Ive got to start smiling in mirrors or else im gonna always feel weird about the person looking back. Put the buzzing phone to my headached head. “I’ll be home soon”…you know its a lie but it makes us both feel ok. I know this probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but it just feels better to get it out to you. 
Scientists in japan just photographed the first live giant squid on record. Ive never seen anything so terrifying or beautiful. Goodnight, pretty.
- petey
November 20, 2005 
1:36 pm 
sometimes its like never started sometimes it like its never gonna end
November 22, 2005 
12:59 am 
sometimes my own words dont suffice. "i hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us i hope we come up witha fail-safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us i hope the fences we mended fall down beneath their own weight and i hope we hang on past the last exit, i hope its already too late and i hope that the junkyard a few blocks from here someday burns down and i hope the rising black smoke carries me far away and i never come back to this town again. in my life i hope i lie and tell everyone you were a good wife and i hope you die. i hope we both die" 
November 23, 2005
I realize I have been a bit out of touch lately. I’m sorry. I’ve kinda been letting things get to me way too much. A black cloud I’ve always been counting on to be there. I’m sorry I’ve seemed kind of distant at signing and stuff. I’m sorry. I feel way better. I promise you good things in jersey. The providence show was amazing. I got an owl perched on some books tattoed on me. Just cause I’m a book nerd. He’s looks smart and dapper. I love bill haverchuck and you. You know the guy who plays the gym teacher in the dance, dance video? Well he’s our manager and we convinced him to get his old band the step kings back together to play new jersey. Its gonna be a riot.
I’m thankful that you all put up with me.
November 23, 2005
I wrote you a letter a few hours ago that I never intended to give you in the first place and then ripped it up and threw it away because it’s much too personal to say on paper. even over a phone. the words i said in it i need to say to you in person. i guess it felt better to write it all out. It's easier to say “I only need 5 seconds with you than a lifetime with someone else” than it is to live it. to be honest, i’m dying from it. “kiss me electric” vs “kiss me at all.” and when you do it’s just a kiss off. i’m really not ready for what you want from me, but with how you’re never around it makes me wonder what you really do want from me. honestly, it sure doesn’t feel like much. i said i’d be fine if you gave me a little note or a call once and a while, once a day even, just something to keep hanging onto, but you can’t even do that so yeah… i don’t know. Am I being ridiculous? it’s just hard for me to keep going like this… my heart is lots easier to fool than me. i think that’s what makes this so hard. 
November 30, 2005
you are my lobster.
- petey
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schizopositivity · 2 years ago
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how to advocate for schizophrenics and psychotics in every day life:
correct people when they misuse the word "psychotic" (as in if they use it in any other way but a serious disconnect from reality, delusions or hallucinations)
correct people when they use the word "schizophrenic" as an adjective (its not!!! its a severe and persistant mental disorder)
correct people when they call people "crazy" aka "shes been acting crazy lately" (they likely dont actually mean it and this word is thrown around a lot, but as a schizophrenic im asking you to not use this word to describe people since this has been tied to me and my fellow psychotics for ages)
do not assume that a psychotic person is dangerous in any way (psychotic people are more likely to be the victims of abuse than be the abusers)
when talking about mental illness or the mental illness community as a whole consider, does this apply to psychotic and schizophrenic people as well? (if not, youre not talking about the whole community! its that simple)
do not purposley trigger someones paranoia aka telling people that theres someone after them (this is always harmful and potentially life threatening, its not a joke and never was)
dont assume schizophrenia is "just hallucinations and delusions" (its much more than that, it has negative and cognitive symptoms as well, which for some people is much worse than the positive symptoms of hallucinations and delusions)
dont make lobotomy jokes aka "lobotomize me" jokes (these procedures were used to turn schizophrenics into "pets" so that other people could better deal with us, its not a joke)
dont act "crazy" for shock value aka wide eyes, rocking back and fourth, shaking (our mannerisms arent for you to pretend to be crazy with, this is who we actually are, im looking at you rock bands)
dont fear the people on the street talking to themselves aka calling the cops on them (these people are suffering, these people need help, them being psychotic doesnt make them any more dangerous than anybody else)
dont use the word delusional for every idea you dont agree with aka "that conservative politician is delusional!" (delusions specifically describe strongly held beliefs outside of reality, not just beliefs outside youre specific world view)
dont expect people to express emotions the same way you do aka "why arent you reacting?" (many schizophrenics stuggle with flat affect and cant change it, it doesnt mean we dont feel things, just that we dont express them the same way)
dont expect us to be able to do the same amount of, or intensity of work you do aka "i work 5 days a week, you have it easy!" (executive disfunction is very common in schizophrenia, it doesnt make us lazy, we are just disabled)
dont post derealization without tagging it or TWing it as such aka that post with a fake european country saying that americans dont even know what country this is (we already struggle enough with figuring out whats real and whats not we dont need "pranks" or "jokes" trying to fool us without any TW)
dont assume schizophrenic and psychotic people cant see your post or view your media or anything else (we are real people interacting with the world just like everybody else, we can see your jokes about us, or your media portraying us as dangerous, we arent fictional characters)
dont assume youre superior to, or smarter than us (once again we are real people, we deserve the same respect as anyone else on the planet)
dont call someones delusion stupid aka "obviously youre not the reincarnation of kurt cobain thats stupid" (you have no idea how real these are for us, they dont always make sense to you but they do to us, please respect that)
dont ask if were hallucinating right now (its none of youre business! and if we say yes youll likely ask where it is, and if we show you youll likely look in the direction of the hallucination which is dangerous, it blends the real world with the hallucination and its already hard enough for us to tell the difference)
dont stop trusting us and what we say just because were psychotic (we still deserve to be listened to and trusted just like everybody else)
learn about less talked about symotoms like catatonia, avolition and word salad (these are just as common as the talked about ones, but just less talked about cause i guess it doesnt make for an intresting horror movie)
learn more about schizophrenia and psychosis from actual schizophrenics and psychotics (a great example is the podcast Inside Schizophrenia, scrolling through this blog, looking up students with psychosis)
TLDR: no go back and read it, its the least you could do
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quodekash · 2 years ago
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OKAY, WHAT THE FLIP WAS THAT?? 
SERIOUSLY, WHAT W A S THAT?? 
we got one (1) soundwin scene and a lot of crumbs 
it honestly felt like we got more tiwpor than we did soundwin, which is awesome bc tiwpor deserve their time to shine, but also soundwin are killing me and ive been waiting for the flirting all week and all we got was a cheek-pinch and that’s about it 
and the 3/4 part of the episode had basically ZERO SOUNDWIN?? which never happens????? 
AND GUN’S FREAKING MOTHER HAS A FREAKING TUMOUR AND POOR TRAUMATISED GUN SPENDS THIS EPISODE FREAKING OUT AND HIDING BEHIND TRAUMA WALLS AND I SWEAR IF THEY MAKE HIM AN ORPHAN IM GONNA GO TO THAILAND JUST TO SLAP WHOEVER DECIDED THAT 
but ‘a tale of thousand scores’ was freaking hilarious, i love all these references they make to their other shows 
AND THE BAND DECIDED TIW LIKES ONE OF THEM, AND SOUND GOT VERY DEFENSIVE AND ANGRY WHEN PAT SUGGESTED IT MIGHT BE WIN, BUT THEN THEY THOUGHT POR AND THEY ALL SEEM TO AGREE IT MUST BE POR AND POR SEEMED TO BE TOO STUNNED TO SAY ANYTHING, SO EITHER HE IS SECRETLY DATING (or at least likes) TIW AT THIS POINT AND HE WAS TOO SHOCKED TO THINK OF SOME KIND OF WITTY RESPONSE, OR HE’S GENUINELY CONFUSED ABOUT THAT, BUT EITHER WAY THEYRE GOING DOWN THE FREAKING TIWPOR ROUTE AND IVE NEVER SEEN THEM FOCUS SO MUCH ON, NOT ONE, BUT TWO SIDE COUPLES 
oh and also yo saying that the song made him think of nook and that he’s gonna call her was so pure and sweet and i love them 
we’ve also been lacking in the tiw-tinn friendship department for a few episodes so it was nice to see that a little bit more in this episode 
AND FREAKING GUN IS TERRIFIED OF BECOMING AN ORPHAN AND LOSING BOTH HIS PARENTS AND HE DOESNT WANT HER TO LEAVE HIM AS WELL AND KEPT ASKING HER TO PROMISE HIM BUT SHE NEVER DID BC SHE DOESNT KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS SO SHE DOESNT WANT TO PROMISE ANYTHING JUST IN CASE IT GOES BADLY, COS THEN GUN WILL PROBABLY NEVER TRUST A PROMISE EVER AGAIN 
and tinn telling gim about everything he’s done for gun over the years is so freaking sweet 
also the song from the end of episode 5 was playing in the background a bit throughout this episode so im hoping that means we’ll eventually get it on spotify cos i need it 
also only one sponsorship scene and it was with the soundwin drink (theyre literally copying everything to do with soundwin. first the medal kiss, now the Sprinkle water, what’s next?) 
AND WHAT HAPPENED WITH PHOTJANEE AFTER SHE SAW THE CALL FROM GUN??? WHAT ARE HER THOUGHTS?? WHAT ARE HER FEELINGS??? WHY ARE WE GONNA THAT SHOT OF HER CRYING IN TINN’S DAD’S ARMS?? WHY DOES SHE CRY?????? 
also THE GROUP T-SHIRTS OMG I WANT ONE 
and sound being friendly with tinn???????? when did THAT happen??? are we ever gonna get an explanation for this “rivalry” or are they gonna leave us in the dark forever?? 
THE WAY GUN POINTED TO ALL THE CHINZHILLA MEMBERS ON “no stopping because ive got youuuuuu” WAS SO SWEET AND IM CRYING 
AND THEN, NATURALLY, THEY LEAVE IT ON A FREAKING CLIFFHANGER SO NOW I HAVE TO HAVE THIS ANTICIPATION (that i described to my friend by saying “i swear my heart is beating as fast as sound’s when he’s around win, which is pretty bloody fast) FOR ANOTHER FREAKING WEEK???? it’s not even a joke at this point, i might actually go into cardiac arrest 
and then that freaking PREVIEW??? 
THEY MADE IT INTENTIONALLY AMBIGUOUS SO WE HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE WHAT’S GONNA BLOODY HAPPEN 
however i do see tiwpor standing alone in a stairwell and por tripping down the stairs and tiw being super worried so TIWPOR NEXT EPISODE??? but also 'im being punished because i forgot to redeem my wish' WHAT DOES THAT MEAN i mean i know it's probably referring to when they made wishes to the buddha statue in episode 9, but what does he mean 'redeem my wish'? and what was his wish? did he wish for what everyone thought they were each wishing for (to win hot wave)? or did he wish for something to do with tiw? and does ‘redeem my wish’ mean his wish didnt come true, and he needs to apologise for some reason (it’s 1:30 in the morning i cant think of a reason rn man), or does it mean his wish did come true and he forgot to thank the buddha/make sure the wish continued by going back to the buddha? (also i very much hope im using the right word for the statue they wished/prayed to in episode 9, i know next to nothing about buddhism so someone pls correct me if im using the wrong terms and stuff) 
and i think they're trekking back up to the buddha statue, cos it looks like the same place, but on the way there por gets really thirsty but they cant drink them cos those are their offerings? and also if you look closely on the trekk up there's win and por and yo travelling together to support yo, but win is using the crutches, and behind them you can see pat walking with his arm around sound for support???? 
and then an argument arises in the group (more specifically: between win and pat, which is very not predictable at all???? like win id expect but why pat??)
and gun didnt wish for them to win hot wave, he just wanted them to not be disappointed for being in the club. and then they have a group hug.
and then tinn says "so that means you and i..." and seems to be leaning in for a kiss and then the preview ends?????
im getting mixed messages, i have so many freaking questions, HOW DO WE WAIT A WEEK FOR THIS???? 
also im feeling like not all my questions will be answered, cos there’s literally two episodes left (how did it go by so fast???) 
anyway, those are my thoughts. uh. yeah. idk how to feel about this ep. it made me cry a lot. yeah. 
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salt-up-to-your-ankles · 3 years ago
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fuck it im gonna list my favourite los campesinos songs because right now theyre my 2nd favourite band behind crywank and above franz ferdinand and i want to talk about them all the time LMAO and no these arent in a specific order or anything
• the sea is a good place to think of the future - this one isnt really a suprise since its what my usernames based off but i love the song and all the little details like the lyrics and how "perfect symmetry" is said in the exact middle of the song and its mmm i love depressing sad music and some of the themes really hit hard its the perfect mix of crywank-y lyrics but los camp! type songs
• alls well that ends in medias res - i love the original song too but this version specifically i love a bit more mostly because of the acousticness and the extra little lyrics its mgmmgm yeah
• we are beautiful we are doomed - this was one of the first lc! songs i listened to and its the song that got me into the band really and i love it so much dhhshs the intro bit kinda reminds me of video game soundtracks like undertale kinda and the lyrics are really good especially "i cannot emphasise enough that my body is a badly designed poorly put together vessel - i hope my heart goes first" and "you kiss my neck i whisper in your ear: this is my downfall" actually all the lyrics of this song are good
• avocado, baby - very good bassline(?) and the lyrics are great too and good to read into and i love the music video for it theres so much happening and the sound effects and the suit gareths wearing mfhdhshs and also A HEART OF STONE, RIND SO TOUGH ITS CRAZY, THATS WHY THEY CALL ME THE AVOCADO, BABY !!!!!
• miserabilia - oh my god the 2 different voices singing work so well and "shout at the world because the world doesnt love you, lower yourself because you know that youll have to" has to be one of my favourite lyrics ever, if i could learn and perform any song with my friends id definitely wanna do this one because its just so good, its one of my top songs
• my year in lists - funny horny lyrics 😁👍 im joking i love how upbeat the song is then the more calm parts at "i cherish the fondness the day (before) i met you" and also the 2 different singers again make it so good also also the repition of winters coat in this song and knee deep at atp is just hfhdusj 👍👍
• allez les blues - i havent listened to many songs from whole damn body yet but i love this song so much its just so happy and upbeat and the chorus is so catchy dhshss it would make such a good ringtone if i wasnt scared to have lyric songs as my ringtone fhshjss
• c is the heavenly option - okay i know this is a cover BUT i really like how for the "my boyfriend" parts theres a male singer and for the "my girlfriend" parts theres a female singer its really cool dhshshs also the "c c c c c c c is the heavenly option" part at the ends really nice with all the layers of vocals
• this is a flag. there is no wind - firstly the first line is amazing i mean who doesnt wanna start a song with CAN WE ALL PLEASE JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN secondly the lyrics are really good and theyre good to overthink and read into thirdly the chorus is great fhjdjs
okay i could go on forever and in a lot more detail about more songs but ill end it here i hope you enjoyed LMAO
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tmabutlesbian · 3 years ago
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also thinking abt my tma band au, ive been thinking abt it so much, jsut cause i love making martin deranged?? i love it, so imagine. they start the band around 2010, like the covers, just testing things out, introductions whatever.
it is clear, from the start, that jon does not like martin. ppl dont know why, but it did inspire some fans to do the same. they'd notice how he never posts any covers on his own while the others do, jon with his vocals, tim with his guitar, sasha with the bass, etc. so the natural conclusion was either 1) hes lazy to do so or 2) hes shit at playing the drums. ppl also hate him for more prejudiced reasons
the reason why jon isnt martins biggest fan is because he wasnt supposed to be on the band, gerry was!! but at the time of the auditions n stuff, he got his cancer diagnosis n obviously decided to heal n maybe do his own thing. jon n gerry were close friends at the time, so this saddened jon greatly. he alludes to this too much whenever he talks abt martin that ppl start to hate on martin for that too, especially when ppl find out how gerry looks like and, again, hate him for more... superficial reasons
so martin is not having a good time! he doesnt have a lot of music experience n kinda went in on the audition as a joke, thinking his shit playing would not lend him anywhere, but elias picked him, n since elias is basically the boss n gives the funds for the band, what he says, goes. (if youre wondering, yes, elias only hired martin so they could have more drama right at the beginning, knowing it would drive jon MAD to see such a noob right there on the drums.)
tim n sasha n this au have their own thing going on, sasha is figuring out her aro identity while also feeling great affection for tim n not knowing what to do abt it or what it means, n tim is very much in love with sasha but that scares him, big emotions like that scary him, especially when hes not even sure she likes him at all, n now his friend jon is being an asshole, n his brother danny was supposed to be on the band to manage sound n shit, but right now he cant, n its a mess, n hes stressed!!
but tim is also the only one who believes martin can n will learn how to play drums so, he n sasha put their issues aside n teach him as much as he can.
meanwhile, they decide a great way for fans to learn more abt them, not just through concerts or interviews, which might take a while, especially at the start, they start doing lives! they all have their own accounts n have decided that each of their live streams r their own, in other words, thats how they want the fans to see them; to know each other, they'll do it the old fashioned way. so, they dont watch each others livestreams at all.
so. martin starts his own lives. gets basically no views n a lot of hate comments n is 2 seconds away from killing somebody in his pain, but doesnt, cuz he doesnt want the attention on him. the live streams, per the band's request, r also not to be talked abt at length in interviews, its more between the members n the fans. martin, already feeling like a burden, is relieved that they dont have to say anything abt their streams if they dont want to, cause fuck hes not doing so hot there.
until one day, on their first concert, afterwards where they get to talk to the fans, on fan comes up n (half-jokingly) begs martin to just start being mean. just block ppl n be mean on his streams cuz its terrible in there!! martin is delighted n This Will Be Remembered but his bandmates r horrified, even jon. they didnt know martin was getting harassed like this, n jon feels kinda guilty abt it, which results in him just. avoiding martin for a while. mentions of him turn neutral n profissional cuz hes embarassed.
but now??? martin's true power is UNLEASHED!! he does not give a shit!! u say shit? u get blocked!! fuck u!! he starts just doing whatever on his lives, asks for challenges, for videos to react, and further down the line, starts playing games, which just means he's only getting recommended horror games, the poor guy
he treats the fans like his friends n the fans are DELIGHTED they love martin. hes just a freak!! just a weirdo!! also hes kinda hot!! also hes getting so much better at drums, omg!! look!!!!
thankfully, they do have a mostly chill fanbase, n they just interact with each other pretty comfortably as the years go by; if there is idolazation happening, it is minimal, or they just dont see it.
also the other three OF COURSE also get weirder as the years go by, but martin is the one that shocked everyone, since hes always on the shadows, never appears much, keeps to himself, n then u go watch a stream from him n its just him screaming at fnaf or reacting to smut fanfics of them (horribly written, requested by him n tim specifically, n they dont read it out loud, they just react. yes tim is there, n its a delight, halfway they get drunk n suddenly everybody's meme folder got 10x larger)
anyways, band shenanigans. love them. also love that i get to listen to audios n imagine what ppl would edit of them n im just staring off into space thinking abt hot band ppl, im living the dream
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x3kristax3 · 3 years ago
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Part 17
Its morning and I have to get ready for work. After last night last person i want to see is Phil.
I crawl out of bed Jake is still passed out. I go downstairs to the kitchen and make a pot of coffee. First person to wake up is Dan to the smell then everyone else besides Jake starts to wake up.
I hear a text message come through its from Phil it reads I'm sorry for last night with Ashley. Also most of the roads to the bar are closed so don't worry about coming in today
I respond i can't accept your apology after i told you not too. Also thank you for letting me know ill make a post on our social medias
I make the announcement across all social media and put my phone down. 
"Well looks like your stuck with me unless you want to try and head home" i say to Dan, Richy, and Jessy
"I guess we can see if the roads clear up" says Dan.
"I'll start making us some breakfast" i say
"I'll take over. Go find out why Jake is still sleeping" says Jessy
I head upstairs and he's sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Everything okay?" I ask
"Just thinking about last night. You know weve been in a relationship for 6 months and still havent" he says
"I know and if Dan and Jessy didnt come out to check on us. It would of happen last night. Something about you going into protective mode with Ashley and then seeing you hitting that punching bag just wow" i say with a smile as i sit down next to him
I see him reach in his pocket of his jeans and play with something in his fingers. "Part of me wants to give you this early but part of me doesnt" he says
"I can wait but look lets go get some coffee and waffles and bacon" i say as i kiss him and go to stand up.
He grabs my right hand and slides a ring on my finger. I look down at it and i look at him
"This is gorgeous" i say
"Its a new band but the stones were on my moms ring. It's not an engagement ring but a promise ring. I promise you Krista as long as Im in your life I'll protect you and love you" 
I wrap my arms around his neck "you have no idea how much this means…. It means more then that car"
Jessy at the bottom of the stairs "you guys coming for breakfast?"
"Yeah we're coming down"
I walk down the stairs first and ashley notices the ring. "Woah!!! Dude you didnt ask if you can have her hand" 
Jake laughs "its just a promise ring don't worry you'll be asked first" he says
We sit down for breakfast and coffee and just talk and laugh.
As we're cleaning up i hear my phone goes off. Not expecting it to be important. Since Jake is closer "hey can you answer that" i ask
He picks it up but whoever is there doesnt say anything. He hands me the phone.
"Hello?" I say confused
"Krista?" A males voice says
"Who wants to know" i ask
"This is your father" he says
"Not funny whoever you are. He did 8 years ago today" i say as i hang up
"Who was that?" Ask dan
"Some dude that said he was my dad"
My phone goes off again same number
I answer it again "look i don't know what game your playing but its not funny"
"Krista this isnt a game or joke" a woman voice says that i recognize
"Mom?" I say as tears start falling
"We came by the city to find you but found you moved across the country to a small town"
I wipe the tears as everyone is watching me. I walk upstairs to my bedroom. "Yeah its complicated to tell but i have the most amazing friends and boyfriend in my life" i say
"Can we come visit?" She asks
"Tell me something about me growing up only you and dad would know please" i say
"Growing up you had it in your mind you could talk to animals even the bull, fudge, on the ranch. You were the only one he would let sit on his back and not buck you off" 
I start crying my eyes out "its really you guys. I never told that too… let alone his name. Im in Duskwood but we got hit with a bad storm right now"
Jake comes walking up seeing the tears in my eyes.
"Okay dad and I will come see you, Honey pot" she says
"Love you missed you guys" i say as we hang up.
"Was it really them?" He asks me
"Yeah they knew my nickname that was only said between the 3 of us and a story that said on the ranch and noone else knew." I say wiping away the tears
Ashley comes up "are you serious? Are they coming out?"
"They are gonna try?" I say
"Wait you knew them?" Says Jake
"Yeah she had just become my partner right before the accident and I had met them" she says sitting on the other side of me both holding me
"guys i think i need some time up here." I say as i get up and head to the small closet up here and grab a box thats up away but it starts to fall.
Jake grabs it and i fall to my knees and just cry. He puts the box down but doesn't open it and sits on the floor and pulls me into his arms.
I just start bawling my eyes. "There was a fire. I had grabbed a few things and ran. My parents were behind me" i say into Jake. Ashley goes downstairs and sit at the bottom so noone else comes up. 
"It's okay Krista. You don't have too" he says
I look up at him. "There was a beam that fell and they were trapped… or so i though" he hugs me tight. "How could they i was barely 20"
'They must have a reason but you don't have to see them if you don't want too. I know i wouldn't" he says just holding me.
I hear Ashley, Jessy, and Dan at the bottom of the stairs. 
'Just let us up there" says Jessy
"No this isn't something that can be fixed. This is lots of late night tears and heartbreaks. This is loves one just leaving and never coming back until years later. She needs to just cry it out by herself but I'm not taking Jake away from her cause this is something in all my years of knowing  her I have never seen her like this" says ashley
"You obviously don't know the full story of how we met her" says dan as he pushes past Ashley and jessy follows.
Ashley runs up behind them "krista im sorry i tried to stop them"
"Its okay" says jake as i squeeze him tight. Dan and jessy sit around me at well just rubbing my back.
"Do you wanna go through this box?" Asks Jessy as she puts it on her lap
The tears finally subside "be prepared for the waterworks again" i say
"Thats what friends are for" says dan
I look at Jessy "I'm okay with it" she says 
I look at jake and he takes my right hand and touches the ring he put there just this morning " though the good, bad, and ugly" he says.
I turn and see ashley "ill go grab the blanket and have Richy make you a tea"
I stand up for the first time im forever and grab the box. Dan instantly takes it from me and Jake throws me over his shoulder. "Really guys? I can walk downstairs. Put me down jake" i say
"Nope I'm carrying you" he says as he walks down the stairs and puts me on the couch
"You know every other guy has always put her down" says Ashley 
"Jake isn't your normal guy" says Richy as he brings me a vanilla tea
Jessy puts the box in front of me. It's nothing special just an old shoebox. I haven't opened in years.
Just as im about to open it my phone rings again and it's Phil. Jessy declines it "he can wait" she says
I peel off the top and inside is a bunch of old pictures 
"Wow there has to be a ton of pictures in here" says Dan
"100 to be exact but theres something else that should be in here" i say pulling out the photos one by one
I pull one out and lay it down. Jake picks one up and looks at me and looks at the women in this photo. "Wow you look just like her" he says
"Yeah when she was younger she had done pageants and stuff and actually won some big ones" i say as i freeze. I pull out a small bag and open it. There is 2 wedding rings inside it
"You know i never understood how they managed to savage those" says Ashley
" they were in the fireproof box. Why i have no idea but i think i want to find out" i say as i grab my phone and dial the number they called me from
My dad answers. "Dad?" I say
"I knew you'd call us back. Let me put you on speakerphone" he says
"I need to know something before you come visit me." Jake grabs the phone and puts if on speaker as well.
I freeze "its okay" he says as he hugs me
"If thats the guy you mentioned before he seems to really care about you" my mom says
"I do. I also have you on speakerphone cause i knew she would freeze up" he says
"Well thank you" my mom says
All of a sudden i blurt out "why? Why did you fake your own death? Why did you put your rings in the firepropf box? Why did it take you till now to reach out to me?"
"Hunny we need to tell her" my mom says
"I agree" says my dad
"We had gotten ourselves into so much debt with the farm we couldn't keep it up. We figure if we burn the house down they would replace the damage and we could sell. We had a bad feeling something was going to go wrong which is why we made sure you were ahead of us. At night we always put the rings in that box for safety so you would always have them. However, why it took us so long we have no idea why it took us to reach out besides trying to find you."
"Why didn't you tell me? I had just become a detective I could of helped?" i ask
"I didn't want you to have that burden" says dad
I lean into Jake and he can tell Im upset
"Krista, were sorry" says my mom
"Im gonna let you guys go. Krista isn't feeling well" says Jake
"Does she still want us to come visit?" My dad says
"I'm not sure ill have her reach put when she's feeling better" he says and hangs up
"Hey ashley i think we should go for a drive" says Dan
"But what about the roads?" Ashley says
"We'll be fine. Right Jessy and richy?" He says looking at them like they better agree
"Yeah" they both say
"Okay… jake you going to come?" She asks
"No I'm gonna stay here with Krista" he says as my head is in his lap since Dan stood up i laid down
"Okay just be gentle with her" she says knowing im not in a good place.
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Note
my brain is particularly gripped by somsak IDK why but i love him so much and his keytar we need to bring those back. but if you have any brainthoughts about him i'd love to hear them!! also ik the relationship section on his toyhouse page is a wip and idk if that's for like any reason but if you have anything to say about that it'd be cool. smash mouth
SOMSIIIIII honestly he exists in such a weird state because i built him up to be a pretty important character really early on and then my brain got distracted by all the other guys i made up.... i need to think about him more and maybe actually working on his page would help LOL
right now he's kind of just sitting in the story as a weird 'absence' character which i do find fun but yknow it means he doesnt really do much. in my minds eye hes just like cool skater kid from a prog ska band who says swear words all the time. theres more to him but i havent been able to put it into words yet....
rest got long so
honestly the relationships part is probably the most interesting. at least so far. the person he's technically closest to is ulises because she's the one who basically revived him and yknow. she feels this kind of responsibility for him and checks in with him to make sure he's ok. somsak thinks he's too cool to ever confront his emotions and likes to stay aloof but deep down he REALLY appreciates ulises' concern.... i think soms is kind of aware that nobody on the train really likes or respects him and though he knows he kind of does it to himself hes at least glad Someone cares about his existence at all. also thinking about it theyd both bond over music they like the same kind of tunes :+) ulises is like his cool prog rock uncle
he also has this with beatrix. having been the person to save him from falling into fornax. but its to a lesser extent just because beatrix is way sharper and untrusting themself so their relationship basically amounts to like. theyre both walking around the train and see one another. silently walk up to one another maintaining full eye contact. beatrix asks in a jovial yet stilted tone "have you fallen into any more dimensional holes as of late" as like the worlds funniest joke. somsak answers "at least 12" plays a haunting riff on his keytar and runs away. they dont talk for another month
uhhhh next thing doesnt really count as a 'relationship' i just think its an interesting character thing i wanna bring up real quick. demeter doesnt like him because he stirs up memories of míra most unpleasantly. obviously they dont say it aloud and its less of a "why do you get to live when she didnt" thing and more of a "wow every time i look at this guy i wonder how my whole life would've changed if míra had survived too" so its just like. wah. they're cold to him :+(
notably hes friends with freya kind of. they both like to cause mischief and will like. very quickly catch on and support one anothers jokes its like epitome of doing a bit with some stranger and just getting the yes/and in sync completely somehow. sometimes freya finds him very annoying and gets kind of rude but that shit flies over soms head completely and he doesnt care
i think his connection with dalisay also works in a similar manner but unlike freya dalisay speaks far more earnestly and its more of like. bouncing off of a straight man sort of improv between them. somsak just finds hir monotony brilliant honestly
somsak kind of admires olzhas and isel and like. has a weird respect for the both of them LOL he tones himself down around them which baffles olja especially. hes just like hey these guys came to the train and found a better life aboard just like i did!!!! fuck yes!!!!!!! theyre cool im also cool!!!!!! he also thinks theyre both just cool looking. transmasc swag forever
what else. have some quotes about him from like typed up relationship charts i made a few months back. theyre the funniest ones
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notquiteaghost · 4 years ago
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obviously deancas roudhouse wedding very very good & what deeply closeted for decades gay doesnt want a Wedding™ with everyone they know present but. also. one morning like two weeks after they get together they’re led in bed, only mostly awake, dean making constellations out of the scant freckles that have appeared on cas' arms since he started spending so much time in the garden, & cas asks what he’s thinking about & he says, easily, "you ever think about getting married?"
and cas hums thoughtfully and says, "well i did have a very elaborate daydream, after daphne, about getting a house with you. and i did revisit it after i fell. and jack, i thought about us raising jack together in a lot of depth. both before and after he was born. why, do you want to?"
and dean clears his throat and says, "you– after you fell? you still wanted–?"
cas huffs, and lifts dean's chin up with a finger to make deliberate eye contact as he says, soft and sincere, "in the entire time i’ve known you i have never wanted to part from you". dean swallows. cas says, "you’ve never mentioned it, though. marriage."
dean looks away, says, "wasn’t exactly in the cards." cas hums again, and doesn’t reply, just shifts to lace his fingers together with dean's, content to lie there and look at him. until dean makes a huffy sound of his own and says, "gonna make me say it, huh?"
"i don’t know what you mean," cas says, innocently.
dean rolls his eyes and shifts closer, so it’s not just their hands and legs tangled together, so his head is rested on cas' chest, so cas' collarbone muffles his words when he says, "yeah, shithead, obviously i wanna marry you."
"i think you’re legally dead again," cas says, contemplatively, and dean shoves at him.
"can you say yes before you start the logistics talk, you asshole—"
"did i not say yes? i'm sorry, as i was the one who has already made a speech, i thought perhaps this would be your turn—"
"nope, never mind, changed my mind, i hate you."
dean’s still holding cas' hand. cas raises it, pointedly. dean shoves him again.
"you motherfucker," he grumbles, but now cas is led on his back and dean is leant over him, and the look on his face says something quite different. "so what if i’m dead, you don’t even exist but you still gotta be the one paying for groceries. like it’s so hard, forging IDs. city hall don’t give a shit."
"you want to go to city hall?"
"what, you wanna rent a church and a dress? invite everyone we know? a band and gift bags and a cake?"
cas, of course, knows dean too well to be fooled by the derisive tone. "if it would make you happy, yes."
that makes dean avert his eyes again for a moment, before he says, "well. i mean, it'd be a lot of planning. couple months, at least."
"i’m fine with that," cas says, and watches as dean doesn’t say anything, still looking off at nothing in particular, his jaw clenched. "but you’re not."
"waited too long already," dean admits, and then he has to look at cas again because cas is kissing him.
"we can go tomorrow," cas says, a while later. "and then we can see about booking a venue."
dean raises his eyebrows. "what, do it twice?"
"as many times as you want," cas promises. "but yes, twice for now. jack will want to come to city hall, i'm sure — a witness is required, yes? and rings, we'll get rings on the way. and we can let sam plan the second, to make it up to him. it'll be good practice for him & eileen."
"you want to elope. without telling sam."
"you want to elope without telling sam," cas corrects, with a fond smile. "i want to swear to love you for all eternity, in whatever setting will make you most likely to believe it. and cake, i want cake."
"right," dean says. "that’s— yeah, okay. we'll go to city hall. tomorrow." he stares at cas a moment, like he’s the most perfect thing he’s ever seen, then says, "as many times as i want?"
he’s expecting cas to make a joke, something about needing time for his plants, but cas just says, completely sincere, "as many times as you want." and dean has to kiss him again. has to kiss him a lot.
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mistymorningdewdr0p · 4 years ago
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The Little Things You Keep Hidden From Me
~~~(this is a long one so bear with me! using she/they pronouns for namaari btw!)~~~
namaari likes things—she really really does! she just, well, never really knows where to put their stuff, just shoving it into a basket to get it out of sight...they had never really thought of it as a problem, just something that was obvious since she was so busy with all of her royal duties, but the longer she’s around raya the more they realize something might be up.
when raya and her start dating, they naturally begin to spend more time at each other’s homes, more specifically in each other’s rooms. the third time raya spends the night in fang since they’ve become official, she finally asks namaari just why her room is so incredibly bare, claiming it looks more like a spare room in a random inn rather than a living space. namaari is actually stumped by this question, answering that “she’s just too busy to put any posters up or little figurines out.” raya doesnt believe it though, she can tell there’s something else by the quirk in namaari’s brow that the fang princess does often without even realizing. nevertheless, raya let’s it go and cuddles deeper into her girlfriends neck, taking a mental note to bring it up when they’re both more awake.
the next time raya brings it up, however, is when the girls are sparring together to blow off some steam. namaari had already been slightly agitated from an argument with her mother so it probably wasn’t the best for raya to bring up right then. despite that, the princess of heart had tried to play it off in a joking manner, snickering a bit as she told the other princess that they should travel to talon sometime to pick up decorations so namaari can stop having such a “bare ass room”. the kick to the gut raya received immediately notified her that it was definitely a bad time, especially as she moaned on the ground in pain as namaari stormed off. despite it only taking them two days to reconcile after that, raya promised she wouldn’t bring it up again, even though namaari still hadn’t told her why the question bothered them so bad.
even though raya had said she wouldn’t bring up the issue again, she began to rethink after a short talk with sisu about the matter. the dragon had brought up a very good point: “why not just add things here and there and see how namaari reacts? that way nothing is permanent and namaari wouldn’t have to try and put her feelings into words, just remove what they didn’t want.”raya didn’t have the best feeling about this but she sensed that this issue was more than it seemed and that it needed to be explored so she took sisu up on her offer and put the plan into effect on her following trips to fang. she’d place a poster by namaari’s bed or a small dragon carved of trees from spine on the desk one day and place a plant or a book by the door the next. the first two items disappeared within the hour of them being up and the second two held out for a day. raya tried this again two more times and the same pattern followed. she was now missing a poster, the wood carving, the book, a throw pillow, a small teddy bear, and a plant—this only concerned her more as namaari hadn’t brought any of it up. just as raya was starting to give up on this experiment, a breakthrough moment happened.
it had been a exhaustingly long day of meetings and diplomatic hearings and all the two princesses wanted to do was sleep. they hung out on namaari’s bed, cuddling as they chatted with sisu who was perched on the windowsill before namaari decided she was going to shower. sisu said goodbye and raya started gathering her own belongings from her bag for bed. normally she’d join her girlfriend in the shower but they were both feeling much too sluggish for that kind of shower at the moment.
as raya was taking off her jewelry, one of her arm bands rolled off the edge of the bed and under the closet door on the other side of the room. she sighed in exasperation but got up to retrieve it nonetheless. when she opened the closet door and reached in to grab her jewelry, she was surprised to see a large basket placed in the middle of the chamber among her girlfriend’s clothes. she knew she should probably ask namaari if it was ok to open it but something in her gut was screaming at her to peak inside, so she looked behind her to make sure no one had entered the room without her knowing and moved to open the basket, face contorting in confusion when she saw what was in it.
in front of her sat all of the objects that she had placed in the room, all situated in such a way so that nothing was broken or squashed. raya also noticed some other objects like books and pages of artwork hidden under the materials she had lost. it took her only a moment to sigh sadly and put the lid back onto the basket. she made her way back to the bed and sat on it, head in her hands as she waited for namaari to return.
“i can’t believe how much dirt can stick to you when you sweat, it’s absolutely disgust-“ namaari said as she walked back into the room, now in her night clothes.
“raya? what’s wrong, why do you look so sad?” The fang princess said, closing the door behind them with a worried expression.
raya was silent for a moment before exhaling and standing up from the bed, walking over to her girlfriend and taking both of their hands in her own.
“when i was getting my stuff together for my shower, one of my arm bands fell off the bed and rolled under the closet door. i saw the basket, maari.” raya said, looking down at their conjoined hands.
“you didn’t open it, did you?” namaari said, voice clearly wavering as her eyebrows creased together.
“you know i had to. it didn’t feel right...” raya replied sadly.
“well it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a stupid basket.” namaari huffed, pulling her hands away from raya and walking away from her and towards the window, back to their girlfriend.
“that’s not true namaari. you and i both know what that basket is for.” raya could tell namaari was getting upset, their shoulders were tensing and her fists were squeezed into balls.
“i said it was nothing. drop it raya.” namaari warned, chest heaving as she started to get worked up.
“i will not drop it! why didn’t you tell me that you don’t keep any of your personal items out because you’re afraid you’ll have to flee fang one day and don’t want to risk leaving them behind?!” raya shouted, temper fully exploding.
to anyone else, that may seem like a ridiculous stretch, but raya knew better. she knew this is what namaari had done because she had done the same thing all her years of searching for sisu. since she had no time to gather her belongings the day the dragon gem broke, the only mementos from home she had left were the clothes and accessories on her body, tuktuk, and her father’s sword. for years as she traveled she never once took them out of her bag, in fear that she’d be ambushed and would have to outrun bandits or druun. she longed to be able to take out her clothes she was wearing that day and hold them close to her chest, focusing on how beautiful that morning had been with her father still in her life, but she was more terrified of losing them in the event she had to run for her life.
the basket was large but also made out of a very light material that was abundant in fang. the handles were designed to not pinch or strain the hands and the bottom was weaved in such a way that running with it would not be too much of a hinderance. raya immediately knew that this basket was bought for a specific purpose and the person who bought it hadn’t even realized how heartbreaking the situation was.
“so what?! i just want to be prepared, get off my case about it!” namaari shouted back, turning to face raya with a deep scowl on her face.
“namaari, being prepared is packing a bag with the essentials for survival! maybe even some extra clothes that mean a lot to you, this is not prepared! this is paranoid!” raya shouted, gesturing around the bare room with flailing arms.
“i am not fucking paranoid! who knows what could happen tomorrow?! who knows who i could lose at any moment in my life! just because i want to keep my things at the ready does not mean i am paranoid, it means i’m smart, don’t be jealous because you were too dumb to think of it!” namaari all but roared at their girlfriend.
they both froze for a moment, just looking at each other in a huff as they took in namaari’s words.
“i’m smart enough to know when someone is going through something and i’m smart enough to know that i need to step in to help. but yeah, guess i’m the fucking idiot for trying to check on you, my own girlfriend. my bad, though, i’ll try to be less dumb next time, yeah?” raya said, face stone cold as she grabbed her coat and left the room, leaving namaari with tears streaming down her face behind her.
~~~
namaari absolutely hates crying. not because they feel like they don’t have the right to do it, but because once she starts, she can rarely ever stop. she bottles up so much and when that bottle explodes every negative emotion she’s had just comes gushing out. they cried and cried, head feeling like it was going to split as she sobbed into her hands. they hadn’t meant to hurt raya’s feelings, they were just so incredibly ashamed their fears had gotten to them so badly. it took her an hour for the tears to stop falling from her eyes and one hour after that to fully compose herself enough to stand up from where she had sunk to the ground. they walked over on shaky legs to their closet and opened it, pulling out the basket and dumping the contents out onto the bed. she looked over the objects, finally understanding it had been raya who had placed them all in her room out of care and not her mother to spite her, the thought only making her want to cry again. she shoved it down and kept looking, eyes finally landing on the bear plushy that had rolled farther down her bed. she picked it up and sighed, holding it close to her chest as she bit back more tears.
“i hate it when you two fight.” sisu said solemly from the windowsill, voice soft but still startling namaari on accident.
“you and me both.” namaari responded, voice weak from their sobbing.
“she’s ready for you, you know.” the dragon said, making her way into the room to stand beside the fang princess.
“i know. it just, continues to shock me just how much she trusts i’ll always come back to her. i don’t think anyone but my mother has fought for me that hard.” namaari said, toying with the plush in her hands.
“i don’t think she’s ever wanted to fight for anyone as much as she fights for you, other than her father.” sisu replied, placing a hand on the human’s shoulder.
“i really messed up, sisu. i feel awful.” namaari said, leaning into the touch.
“nows your chance to make it right then, come on, she’s waiting.” sisu said, waiting for the princess’ consent before grabbing her by the waist and flying them out the window.
~~~
raya absolutely hated being angry. the feeling burned like thousands of fire ants under her skin that were crawling through her nerves and stinging at her body to get out. she just wanted to help namaari! that’s all. she had been exactly where the fang princesses had and it was eating her alive that she felt like namaari wasn’t trusting her.
after leaving namaari’s room she had managed to make it to the water front uninterrupted in an angry haze before sisu stopped her.
“woah, woah, woah, hold it right there, grumpy!” sisu said, stopping right in front of the heart princess.
“what’s with the frown?! did namaari kick you out again because you snore?” sisu said, completely oblivious to the fact raya was deeply upset by this.
“no sisu and i don’t want to fucking talk about it right now, move.” raya said harshly, pushing passed the dragon and continuing her stomping.
sisu was back in front of her in seconds, face now contorted in a scowl as she towered over the princess from heart. they had talked about how much sisu hated when people cursed at her, even if it was all light hearted, and it seemed like raya had forgotten and needed to be reminded.
“don’t talk to me like that. it’s disrespectful, princess.” the dragon all but spat at the human.
rayas eyes went wide, weak inhale filling her lungs as she understood what the dragon was saying. after a moment of them staring at each other, raya sighed, hands pressing onto her eyes as she started to tear up.
“you’re right. i’m sorry. i just—god i’m just so angry!” raya said, tears falling freely from her eyes at this point as she sunk to the ground. they were at the water front now, sitting on the edge of where the boats would dock.
“what happened?” sisu asked, gently wrapping her arms around her friend.
“namaari and i got into a fight about all of the missing stuff. i don’t know why i hadn’t put two and two together but she was hiding it in a basket in her closet because they were afraid they’d have to run from fang.” raya said, leaning into the dragon’s touch.
“why would they still be afraid? the druun are gone now.” sisu asked, face pulled into a worried expression.
“i would’ve asked them but they got defensive when i told them about the basket and you know when she gets defensive she starts acting like a jerk.” raya said, wiping her tears as they fell.
“sounds like someone else i know...”sisu said, smile clearly present in her voice.
raya laughed softly, sisu’s comment cheering her up slightly. she sighed and pulled away from the dragon, pushing her hair out of her face.
“i don’t want her to be afraid that they’ll come back. we’ve only talked about them a little bit i know she also has nightmares about it and it keeps her awake when i’m not with her. i just didn’t expect them to be so fearful that they refuse to keep anything permanent up in their room because they don’t think they’ll be able to take their belongings with them in case they have to flee.” raya said, now looking down at her hands.
“i know you just want to help but getting over stuff like that isn’t always easy, especially when you think you’re moving forward and it seems like ten things push you back. i know i’m not the best at relationship advice but maybe try letting her talk at you rather than with you.” sisu said.
“like how?” raya asked.
“let her get everything out: the nightmares, the objects and what they mean to them, all that stuff. no arguing and little to no commentary. just free talk. through that you might understand the underlying cause of all of this paranoia. which i’m also guessing you made her feel bad for so you should apologize for that asap.” sisu replied.
“you’re right, i know you are, it’s just—hard. i’ve never felt like this before, so in love with someone who has their own stuff to work through too, and i don’t want to mess it up because she deserves happiness.” raya said, looking up from her hands and at the dragon by her side, who she was surprised to see was wearing an expression of absolute surprise at what she had said.
“what? why are you so surprised? was it something i said?” Raya began—in that very moment realizing it was something she said. she covered her mouth with both hands and matched sisu’s wide eyes.
“raya, you said the L word.” sisu whispered.
“oh my god i said the L word.” raya echoed.
“sisu—i...” raya tried to speak but the words were caught in her throat. she had really said it out loud that she was in love with namaari, like fully and deeply in love with her and it was so overwhelming she began to cry again.
“i’m so proud of you, girl! admitting your in love is a big step. i’m so happy for you.” sisu said, pulling raya into a hug that was beating the edge of way too tight for a human and not tight enough for raya.
“thank you, sisu, you’re an incredible friend.” raya smiled.
“yeah, i know. i rock!” sisu chuckled, pulling away and getting up from where she had been sitting.
“now, i’m going to go get that other grumpy princess and you two are going to talk some things out, ok?” sisu said.
“ok, tell her i’m ready for her.” raya said, smiling as sisu sprang into the sky and glided to the palace.
~~~
even though it would seem like namaari would be afraid of heights, it was actually quite the opposite. they loved being in high places and looking out at the world around them. soaring through the air with a dragon, let alone the sisudatu, was not something she ever thought she’d do in her life—now? they wouldn’t have it any other way.
“this is your stop, your majesty. oh! and be on your best behavior or i’ll drop you in the ocean when i come back.” Sisu said, placing namaari on the ground next to raya.
“and that goes for both of you! best. behavior.” sisu added before flying off and leaving them alone.
both princesses sat in silence for a moment, both not entirely sure where to start.
“look, maari, i’m—“ raya began.
“No!” namaari countered, effectively cutting Raya off.
“you always take the first step. i don’t want you to think that i won’t meet you there. if it’s ok, i’d like to go first.” namaari said, sitting down next to the heart princess.
“ok, go for it, i’m here to listen.” raya replied.
“i’m really sorry for how i reacted. I didnt mean to hurt your feelings or imply you’re not intelligent. I was so ashamed that i let my fears get the best of me that i started acting like a...” Namaari began.
“A jerk?” Raya asked, mouth slightly quirked up at the corner
“A bitch.” Namaari smiled softly.
“I should’ve listened to what you were trying to tell me. I was being paranoid when i should’ve just toughened up.” Namaari finished.
Raya sighed and took her girlfriend’s hand that wasn’t holding onto the little bear.
“Don’t say that. You are not a bad person for being paranoid and it’s not so easy to just “toughen up” when it comes to trauma. I’m so sorry I made you feel that way, i was so wrong for that, maari. And i’m also sorry for opening the basket without your permission.” Raya confessed, making good on her agreement with sisu to apologize for making Namaari feel less than because of her fear.
“thank you, that means a lot to me, raya. I just dont want to start thinking that the druun will never return only to be proven wrong if they do, it makes me feel stupid and like i should’ve known better than to expect better. the nightmares and the second guessing and the stress of being alone on a lot of open land with no water source...it’s all so hard to deal with sometimes. but i think i’m realizing the more i push it down the worse it gets.” Namaari confessed.
“as much as i wish i knew what i could do to make it hurt you less, I don’t think i’ll ever fully understand how you’re feeling, even if our situations used to be similar—so i’m gonna work really hard to prove to you that you can always come to me and get comfort, even if i don’t always know what it’s like. i guess i was just feeding my own fear that you didn’t trust me instead of realizing you were so afraid because you do trust me.” raya explained, squeezing her girlfriend’s hand tighter.
“i dont want to lose you, not like i did before.” namaari said, unshed tears making their eyes gloss over as they squeezed raya’s hand tightly.
they both knew they were talking about when raya turned to stone, since namaari was uncertain if putting the pieces back together was going to work at all—if they hadn’t that would mean raya would be gone forever.
“i promise you i’m not going anywhere. i love you far too much to not fight for you.” the heart princess said, placing her hand softly on namaari’s cheek to use her thumb and brush away a stray tear.
“please never stop loving me.” namaari pleaded, tears rolling down her cheeks now.
“i wouldnt dream of it, dep la.” raya said, pulling the fang princess in for a long overdue make up kiss. she firmly pressed her lips to namaari’s as she pulled the princess’s face towards her, love confession making her needy. though she wanted to savor namaari (thanks to her newfound energy of course), she knew that this kiss was all they needed right now.
“if you want, we can start taking one thing out from the basket at a time,” Raya said as she broke the kiss, “i think we should start with the plant since it hasn’t had water since i got it and is probably dead.”
namaari chucked at this, “of course you’d get me a thirsty, half-dead plant to slip into my room. you’re a menace.”
“maybe,” raya began, breaking her sentence up by pressing another kiss to namaari’s soft lips with a smile, “but i’m your menace so you can’t get mad.”
“i love you, dep la.” namaari said, leaning over with the bear still clutched in their hands to rest their head on raya’s shoulder.
“and i love you, princess.” raya echoed, placing an arm around her girlfriend to pull her closer as they looked out at the water as the moonlight glistened on it.
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kittensyoonie · 5 years ago
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Ateez Reaction
Ateezs reaction to their boyfriend being the leader of a well known mafia. 
Ateez X Male Reader
Requested?: Yes, by @atinylandtostay​, request found here
Note: I’m still learning Ateezs’ personality, so if I make any mistakes or anything I’m very sorry. Thank you for requesting! I hope you like it love!
Warning: this post contains gun violence and well- one contains murder. Read at your own risk.
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Kim Hongjoong
Hongjoong didn't know what to say when y/n told him who exactly he was. He was shocked, scared, and most of all, confused and hurt.
He trusted y/n, he trusted him with his heart, and was hurt that y/n would keep this a secret for such a long time.
He was also scared for his band mates. If something went bad and they found out he was y/ns bf, they could target him, the company, and the boys. And the boys were his family.
Hongjoong took a deep breath and squeezed y/ns hands, looking him in the eyes. He still trusted him, and still loved him to death, he couldn't bring himself to be mad at the latter.
He connected their foreheads and didn't let go, and held onto him tightly. As if he would disappear if he let go.
"You better not do anything to get yourself, me, or my band members hurt l/n f/n."
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Park Seonghwa
Just like Hongjoong, he found out from y/n telling him. It was their four month anniversary, and both of them had just gotten back to y/ns from their date, when y/n sat him down and told him.
Seonghwa sighed softly and looked at y/n who looked nervous. His eyes still showing the same fondness, but also fear.
For a second he thought y/n was joking, he was so soft and cute, even now. Y/n bit his lip out of nervousness, fear his boyfriend would reject him, and Seonghwa couldn't believe he was their leader.
"I uh, already knew, I figured it out."
Y/n was shocked and looked at Seonghwa, standing up. Seonghwa stood up too and hugged him tightly, buring his face into his boyfriends neck.
"Please y/n, please stay safe, I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."
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Jeong Yunho
Puppy Yunho, this boy is so soft, but he could also be very serious too. He went to y/ns house to surprise him after a show. What he didn't expect was y/n was having a meeting with his gang, at his house.
He walked in and was shocked to see a bunch of men standing around y/n as he told their new plans, all those men armed. He figured it out pretty fast, his face going pale.
"Yunho? Baby what are you doing here?"
Yunho ran off and y/n quickly followed suit. Y/n pulled Yunho into his arms and kissed his head.
"I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry I didnt tell you, I wanted to keep you safe" "keep me safe? How is this keeping me safe?!"
Yunho cried into y/ns chest trying to figure out what to say and do next.
"Why couldn't you just tell me..."
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Kang Yeosang
Just like Yunho, he came to surprise you. A lot like Yunho, he was shocked at what he saw.
Y/n in the bathroom, blood covering him and the ground, a bullet wound in his stomach that he was tending to.
"Y/n?! What happened?!"
Y/n sighed to himself, knowing he couldn't keep it a secret any longer, and told Yeosang the truth of who he was.
Yesang blinked and processed everything, standing still in his spot. He finally understood why y/n was so protective and cautious, and he feels kind of stupid not figuring it out sooner.
He walked over and grabbed the medical supplies, glaring softly at you, a pout on his lips.
"Let me do it, before you hurt yourself more."
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Choi San
Y/n and San were out on a date, everything was going pretty well until one of y/ns exes walked in, a grin on his face. He introduced himself to San, explaining who he was, before flirting with y/n.
At an attempt to make San jealous, and scare him off, he started talking about y/n being the leader of the mafia that runs the part of the city they were in.
San however didn't seem to care, which seemed to tick the ex off. But before he could say anything, the hammer of a gun could be heard, y/n having it in his hand under the table pointed at the ex, ready to use it, before he gave up in left.
San gave a soft smile to y/n, saying they'll talk later, before pretending it never happened, shocking y/n.
"How did I never notice you had a gun?"
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Song Mingi
He didn't mean to invade your privacy, but after what he found, he felt he had the right to do so. He found wads of cash, along with a gun, the infamous name of the mafias leader carved into it.
He was a smart boy, he knew exactly what that meant. When y/n came home he'd yell at him, anger and fear in his voice.
"Why didn't you tell me?!" "I wasn't ready!" "Wasn't ready or didn't trust me?!" "Wasn't ready! I was scared you'd leave me!"
When Mingi realized you were telling the truth, he took a deep breath and calmed down, going over and pulling his boyfriend into a hug.
Y/n was angry but at the same time scared. He was a badass, but around Mingi he showed his vulnerable side, and trusted him with himself.
"I still love you y/n, but please, this is too dangerous."
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Jung Wooyoung
You killed a man right in front of him. Simple but at the same time not so much. All Wooyoung knows was this guy came to kill his boyfriend, but that's really all. He had no idea y/n owned a gun, or had the mentality to murder someone like its his job.
Oh. Then it hit him, the look in your eyes, why the man wanted to kill him, he slowly started to figure it out.
Y/n walked over and placed his hands on Wooyoungs cheeks, checking to make sure he was ok.
"Who... Are you?" "Im me Youngie, just a side I haven't showed you yet."
Y/n explained it to him, as he let out a shaky sigh, looking over to the body. He looked over at his boyfriend, seeing fear in his eyes, and he knew what he was scared of.
"Let me help you get rid of him, then we can talk..."
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Choi Jongho
"Y/n, I know you're hiding something from me, please just tell me."
Y/n sighed and gave up on hiding, telling Jongho everything, looking him in the eyes the entire time.
"So that's why you carry a gun, and are picky where he go? Not because of who I am, but who you are?" "I do it for both of us, not just me Jongho."
He doesnt really look impressed, and was pretty angry. At the same time though, he couldn't figure out how you managed to fall down this path so hard.
Then he remembered your past, and figured it out, joining the mafia is what kept you alive, and being the leader is what's keeping you alive now.
"There's no way I can convince you out of this is there?"
Angsty time, im so bad at angst though vgulfkyd. I hope you guys liked it!!
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whenloveand-deathembrace · 4 years ago
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important stuff ig
so this is kinda gonna b like a dni, the exact list of ppl i dont want on my blog will be at the bottom and the rest is pretty much just general rules i wish 4 ppl to follow when intracting with me. this post will expand over time so dont forget to check it every now and then! also my other social medias will be in the tags!
NOTES/RULES FOR MY BLOG:
honestly theres so much fandom drama (not just in fandoms im in but in general) that i dont know abt or get overwhelmed trying to look into so whatever side of an arguement ur on as long as u dont drag me into it u can interact with my blog. but please dont start fights with people on my posts or anything. btw, this isnt abt anyone in particular im just putting this out there. also, im a minor, so dont flirt with me or anything especially if ur an adult. this doesnt mean you cant interact with me but if i get bad vibes from you im going to block you. most of me making fun of ppl is jokes, unless theyre a nazi or a pedo or something.
DNI LIST:
homophobes, transphobes, racists, pedos, all that usual stuff. also if you support marilyn manson, mindless self indulgence, most black metal musicians tbh but especially varg vikernes or any problematic musician/band like that (you can listen to the music and still interact as long as you do your best to not support the ppl behind it.) if you try to force your religious/political beliefs on people, block me. dont even hesitate. also if your "opinions" are that certain people shouldnt have human rights because they arent like you then leave, i shouldnt have to say this because of a lot of the other things ive written here but i will anyway. and kindly get the fuck away from me if you call trans people "uwu smol beans" or refer to nonbinary as "none beany" or however u spell it. doesnt matter if ur cis or not. its not quirky or cute its annoying.
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rangergranger11 · 4 years ago
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Headcanons (I promise these won’t make you cry)
Ok so on @eatyourdamnpears post there were a lot of headcanons, and I decided to put them all in one post, but just bear in mind, half of this is credit to @thedarkestcrew cuz she did some amazing HCs, and I’m by no means stealing hers, just putting it all in a better place.
- Liam sends packages to Ruby because he can't make a fool out of himself in person so it's the next best thing. 
-These packages include things like hand writing notes, stuffed animals, any ruby jewellery he finds, pictures of them on dates that he printed (he has matching pictures and keeps them under his bed)( Cole and Harry find them but it's too cute to tease him), and finally, videos to make her laugh
- He also keeps a menu from Ruby Tuesday, and LOADS of old CDs and rock band t shirts
-Cole and him borrow each others jackets all the time and it's not a problem because they live in the same house and they can just go over to the room next door, 
-But when ruby starts stealing Liam’s jackets that he stole from Cole? well now the Stewart house is missing 10 leather jackets and you can't just get them form the girl who lives a state away. So she has to send them back in the mail,
-keeps a few that smell like Liam because she can
-sometimes people are confused which Stewart brother Ruby is really dating. And the fact that they look like twins it adds to the confusion, and the Ruby and Cole literally love to watch people get so mixed up
-oh absolutely, they’ll walk in on ruby and Liam making out, but two second later see Cole smoothing Down her hair and calling her Gem, AND seeing her he friendly with Chubs and cleaning his glasses because her skirt has better fabric for it, AND seeing her joke around with Nico
-it becomes a bet to see who she's with
-Liam will give Ruby his jacket, but than Cole comes and notices it's his jacket and makes a joke about them dating, she just gives him the jacket because she'd rather wear lee'. bystanders are distraught
-  And then Clancy comes along and brags about how he kissed Ruby and then the people who bet are just like 'where. the. hell. did. clancy. frickin. gray. come. from???
-Ruby thinks most of the rumours are funny and will be really vague about who her boyfriend is. most of the time just seeing Ruby and Liam together will be enough for people to figure it out by how the are relaxed around each other and look lovingly at the other.
-But when she hears the Clancy rumour she shuts that down faster than Charles scarfs Down a pancake
- Also, Liam's mum and Harry have an ongoing bet about who Ruby is actually dating because it's just so confusing at this point. Grace is like 'are you blind???' and Harry Is like 'there's something with Cole, I swear!!' But eventually realised its Liam and gives in
- Grace thinks she’s dating Cole, because when she visited she hugged Cole first and than a minute later hugged Liam. Yes, she went out to the park with Liam but grace doesn't know that, also she spend 20 minutes in Coles room chatting. She thinks Liam just has a crush on her or something 
- Ruby's parents can't tell them apart for anything and made a rule of " announce who you are before talking" after Liam kissed Ruby on the cheek and her mom thought that was the same person who told someone to go-F themselves ten minutes ago and nearly faints. It takes them a while the even figure out there are two blond southern men that flirt with their daughter
 -Grace is always giving Liam encouraging mom advice like, 'there are always others' and 'you'll get there someday' and Liam is just like 'thanks, mom'
-Ruby's dad is just so tired of confusing Liam and Cole, he's like 'Stewart sr' and 'Stewart jr.' He tried to call them 'Ruby's boyfriend' and Ruby's friend, but Cole answered to both just for the fun of it
-Chubs does not think it's funny at all and spits out what he's drinking when he sees Cole look when her dad says ' Ruby's boyfriend'. almost strangles Ruby until he hears about it. 
-Vida thinks it's really funny but event breaks and tells everyone it's a joke the day after. she doesn't know how many more times she can see Liam pouting
-After the Cole fiasco is over. his parents wait about a week and try to get Liam with Ruby. it's a bunch of prep talks, buying new clothes, telling him how to not mess up. when the big date comes her kisses her as a hello and they feel betrayed
-When ruby’s dad says the jr, sr thing he has Harry looking too and now he just needs to have ruby in the room with him, whoever’s face gets softer Is Liam, the one who stands up to tease her about something is Cole
-One day they talk about it and their 70 percent sure it’s Cole because they think he’s more her type while Liam would be good for her. Anyways they see her making out with Liam and are shocked and think she’s cheating on Cole.
-Harry had to sit Cole down and explain that Ruby isn’t faithful and Cole is absolutely loving it. He’s eating it all up, goes along with it, calls ruby in-front of him and ‘breaks up with her’, she also thinks it’s hilarious because for crying out loud it’s been a few month into the new program and why not see how long they can keep going. I swear they have a whole plot on how they met, what line made them fall in love the, whole 9 yards. 
-Grams knows of course because she pulled her aside and threatened her to date Liam because he’s the poster ’ nice southern boy��. Liam does not enjoy his girl friend pretending to date his brother but she throws enough Liam flirting into the mix to make it even.
- when Cole ‘breaks up’ with her, they have a fully fledged fake argument, like ‘remember that time when we got ice cream and you told me you told me you loved me’ and ‘you never loved me!!’ And for Ruby this is easy, because let’s face it Ruby is a grade A liar (in a good way) and Cole should be a 5 star actor because he is so damn dramatic. 
-Harry is totally buying this, and in the end they confess to their parents that Ruby + Cole was never a thing, and Liam is just looking at his mum like ‘SEE, I TOLD YOU I WASN’T A TOTAL LOSER’ and poor Grace just bakes a bunch of things just to make it up to him, and they all have a laugh about it. 
-But it was getting to the point where Ruby’s parents asked Zu which one she was dating and she was like ‘I am not getting involves in this.’ and Cole is just giving her a discreet thumbs up for playing her part while she just rolls her eyes.
-Oh absolutely they get into it, everyone who knows their lying get popcorn and treat it like its a movie. Cole says something absolutely ridiculous like “ you can take my heart, and my dignity, but I’m taking back the popcorn I gave you that one time” and Ruby has to use all of her enegery to not burst out laughing. 
-Ruby can also fake cry quickly so she’s sobbing, and by the end schools her face within a second and wipes away to tears Cooly. Ruby’s mom can’t trust her after that. also still kinda doesnt belive she’s dating anyone because of the Cole thing. Liam comes over 5 times before she’s convinced that this isn’t another prank. Ruby tells her she’s going on a date Saturday and says “ ha ya alright I’m not falling for that again” and than on saturday spends 6 minutes looking around the house for her before calling her and realizing that she wasent kidding
-Vida definitely films the whole thing like it's some telenovela, while Chubs is rolling her eyes at her but Zu secretly loves the drama and her stupid family. And Rubiam parents mention this at their wedding as well like, Ruby's dad would be doing a speech 'today we are gathered for the union of my daughter and Cole- Liam, i meant Liam. Its definitely Liam. Right Ruby??'
-Cole shows up to Haven for a visit about to yell at Liam and Ruby for not inviting him sooner after Harry and Grace let the location slip
( I know cole being dead is one of the things that sparked haven being made on liams part, but let's just say the spark for haven was Ruby getting harassed and Liam not being able to see her like that and asking her to run away with him to the middle of no where. Good? Great)
-Cole is about to walk through the door before a kid puts a frog in his hand and another kid asks if he can beat the level on his game boy.
-he thinks it's really adorable and the kids start calling him Liam for a Few minutes so why not,
-anyways he sneezes in a lone hallway and lights something small on fire before quickly putting it out.
-Owen is coming out of his room but sees the panic in Coles eyes and says ' hey, I'm not one to judge' and walks back into his room.
-When Ruby gets home she stops and stares at him for a full minute like " that's..... not Liam????"
-he calls her gem and she can't decide between jumping a hug onto him or punching him.
-Liam gets home and the kids all do a double take like ' you changed shirts??? can got a hair cut????' before doing a double take between the two
-Loads of the kids gather around and start making daisy chains for Cole’s hair, and he freaking loves it.
-He’s surprisingly good with kids as they all hover around him asking questions, holding his hand and showing him random things and it warms Ruby’s heart so much
Again, credit to @thedarkestcrew for thinking all of this, and this post has been fun 
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