#joined bc a friend told me to
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making a collection
making another collection with a threatening aura
#davy back fightbpart 3 letsgo#HOW do the three big guns get wasted on the eating contest... horrible plan.... luffy is fine bc well... but not sanji and zoro like damn.#luffy DOESNT WANNA EAT??? CALL THE NAVY!!!!#what was i saying.... bad idea putting the three beasts there#FRANKY FRANKY FRANKY!!!! they captured the two princesses :(#one sided beef squashed between luffy and foxy. friendship ended with random ex marine guy. now luffy is my best friend#usopp and franky bonding time hell yeah. throw usopp by the head once more pelase#nami with zoros swords just like holding them looks so cool like she should get a few swords too... nami three sword style oda drawing pls#i think this man underestimates nami and luffys power together he doesnt know about shiki#luffy saying he knows its a trap and sorry for being late.... lets go on an adventure all nine of us.... usopp yes anding his lie..... omg#cant believe nami isnt there yet. she could take this guy. oh there she is!!!!! she does look cool with the swords and jumping to get luffy#zoro screaming in agony from luffy getting shot omg THIS FUCKING GUY OF COURSE!!! this looks like its so over#zoro and sanji must feel so useless rn. they didnt even get the chance to fight like damn#komei-kakka??? more like come caca. boom#luffy face down dead on the floor akdjkaa chopper have you tried looking at the wound to see if it harmed him idk#it hit the face akdjskn usopp that was coom also#was robin flirting with the other guy and zoro caught her and she told hum to shut up???#'your friends got the best of me but you are still in my arms an-' 'HEAT EGG!! ALSO YOU'RE ON FIRE!'#flare maneauver that was so slay also luffy and nami in the same frame so twins of them. my children. birthed them one right after the othe#zoro and sanji fighting back to back. back to back to back to you i dont wanna fall right back to us maybe you should run right back to her#that is such a bop song. also post wano zosan. and post wci. see the recurrent theme#fighting in water.... being on top of the sword that was a slay... red hawk ace i will never forget you it seems#foxy liking his jolly roger omg nami fooled him ahdhsjs i think they should have pirate game event every year they yearn for contests#now since this experience foxy should make monthly multitudinary pirate games olympics hoping the strawhats join them a la gatsby#the faces at the mushroom akdhaksjs#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies#kinda loved how robin betted on franky against usopp.... i will take the crumbs
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POV: you found a cool server to hang out with and you just got kicked out all bc you were an adult who simply wanted to join to rp and have make friends with
#liz.txt#.#i joined an outsiders rp server bc i wanted someone to rp with#and even though I’m and adult I respect everyone no matter what#and I’m not weird like that I’m actually kind once you get to know me#and I told them my age and they all freaked out like it’s the end of the world and kicked me out of it#*sigh* i just want to have a good day for once#it’s bad enough I’m stressed about college and this election#I don’t need that atop of it#and I did meet some cool people on there#now I feel lonely again#this is partially why I don’t like servers#but then again I was feeling lonely#mental health problems#anxiety#election anxiety#rp server#discord rp#rant#lonliness#looking for friends#the outsiders
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btw not to be a disabled poor piss baby but the way ppl (SPECIALLY americans) treat struggling to recall things deemed common sense that you learned in school/straight up not knowing them as some personal moral failure is fucking weird lmao.every education system has a problem w failing disabled kids that cant follow along typical learning by just letting them fall behind w zero ways to catch up n my country has an issue w teenagers dropping out to support their families so they dont starve to death so it just rlyyy doesnt sit right w me when ppl claim if you cant remember some random fuck middle school class fact youre an idiot that doesnt remember bc you dont want to.i dont know how to explain to you all if a CHILD is being failed by adults to be taught smth its literally not their fault specially when in nearly all cases its bc of outside factors (i mentioned disability n poverty here but lets not forget stuff like abused kids being unable to focus due to stress or bc they lack a safe environment to study at home, for example)
idk ig my point is not everyone had a great home life w a stable financial situation n zero genetic conditions that let them get head pats from adults for being good at memorizing books, n its weird af to want to be superior than ppl who didnt have those bc its literally not our fault that as CHILDREN we were failed by adults n nowadays only managed (at BEST scenario, remember lots of ppl nowadays still cant even read bc they didnt even get the chance to do elementary) to remember actual essential basics that let us get by n not high school physics trivia.also if all those things r suuuuch big common sense idk why yall want to feel better than us for knowing them, by your own reasoning theyre completely worthless knowledge everyone has, no point in showing off you know smth like that, but ig at the end of the day its all abt feeling special for having success handed to you in a silver plate compared to the losers not born as lucky
#analiceoriginal.txt#sorry this kind of attitude pisses me off so bad at such a deep level#not just bc i failed so much school stuff bc i was being neglected of having disabilities acknowledged#but bc ever since we were little we were always told abt the issue w kids not managing to finish school due to financial issues#i had friends whose parents had to teach themselves how to read to work.i had friends whose parents joined#a special adult class my elementary school hosted so they could at least graduate that#n to see ppl like them? like me? getting shamed bc we didnt get the opportunity to learn worthless fucking trivia?#its filth.i hate being open i genuinely am upset by smth but i have no respect whatsoever for the kind of ppl this post is abt.#n again abused kids!!! how the fuck is it their fault? the system ENABLES ABUSE to the point some kids die bc of it#kids who run away from home too! how the fuck is it their moral failure they cant remember a fucking high school class they might not even#have had?#n this applies to this godamn website bc you ppl shame others who struggle w your deemed intellectual subjects all the fucking time#its embarrassing jesus christ#sorry just.absolutely no fucking respect for ppl who struggled to even make it alive past 18.bc we cant remember your little facts.
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Here have a snippet of the next chapter for HTRAJ y'all :D I'm mid write and I'm vibin' with what I have so far
“He’s long gone, Eds. Can we go back inside now? It’s fucking freezing out here,” Gareth asked, rubbing at his bare arms and shivering as the frigid winter wind raced past them. Eddie could barely feel his own body, but he ignored both the cold and Gareth’s words, walking towards his van.
Steve was there. He had to be. He had to be, or else Eddie was going to lose his mind worrying over what was probably nothing, and he might say something incredibly stupid when they actually found Steve, and that would ruin everything they had worked so hard to build.
Luckily for Eddie’s increasingly fragile heart and mind, he spotted a familiar pair of beat up old converse poking out, attached to dark wash jeans that he instantly recognized. Eddie practically melted in relief, jogging around to the other side, needing to see Steve’s face.
He opened his mouth to spout off some stupid quip about dining and dashing, but he stopped short the second he saw Steve’s state. All of the relief instantly vanished, replaced by a bone deep dread that overtook Eddie’s entire being.
Steve was sitting on the ground, his knees pulled close to his chest and his eyes staring firmly at the pavement. He was as still as a statue and just as silent, barely even blinking as he took shallow uneven breaths. Eddie could see him shaking from where he stood, trembling like a leaf in the wind as he continued to just stare at nothing.
Something was wrong.
#tw anxiety#tw panic attack#htraj#Steve joins hellfire au#just feeling like sharing a lil bit#lmao I told myself I wouldn't and I'll probably end up deleting these tags so like#feel free not to read these I'm being a little petty#if I had a nickle#For every time someone clearly took 'inspiration' from an idea of mine and basically blatantly just did their own version#And then pretended like they had never even seen my thing or barely even knew about it#I would have two nickles#and that's not a lot#but its WILD that it happened twice#the worst part is if they had just been honest and been like hey you inspired me w x y z so I decided I wanted to write my own!#I would LOVE it#I would reblog it chat with htem be friends#Instead I feel like someone took something I worked on and cared about and tried to steal it and pretend they didn't#y'all I adore hearing when people wrote something bc I wrote a fic that inspired them it's such a compliment#This just feels#uncomfortable#ANYWAYS that's Liam's lil rant in the tags today#Again if you have a problem pls just ignore this it's literally just me needing to verbalize how not okay about this I am
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got a sortof interview for a research assistant job tomorrow and sooooooooo scareds :D
#delete later#sortof bc its basically already mine since my mom works there and said the current assistant sucks so bad theyll take Anyone with a degree#and theyre desperate#and its super casual and low intensity but still stressed tf out#bc i havent done anything non routine since december and my anxiety has gotten soooo bad and im soooo bad at talking to people#and ik the antidote is doing things again which is why am i doing this but. scary#and time is moving too fast and im so lost and i hate my stupid fuckass grocery store job and idk what to dew w my life rn#cannot stop reminiscing abt the life unlived and the time lost and while i do that i am not living anf losing time#😃😃😃😃😃😃#cannot stop thinking abt how my school life is simply over and i missed it i wasted it its Over 😀 no more chances#didnt make ONE friend in 5 years of university didnt join anything didnt do anything except mentally deteriorate#uni is supposed to be the source of so much life and experience. and yooo i missed it 😂yooooo omg its too late for me 😂😂😂#i rememebr before crossing the stage at high school graduation i was like. rn im in the part of my life before graduation#and in a minute suddenly im gonna be in the after#and then i realized recently. im in The After of university. the moment passed and i missed it#there is no more chances theres no more ‘next semester ill make friends’ theres no more Anything it is Over#time keeps going so fast and yallll i cant go back lol 😂😂😂 brooo wtf nobody told me u can never go back 😂#dawg i havent felt alive even once since leaving high school 😂 yo i peaked at age 17 😂 yo jm about to turn 23 and my last memory is being 19#yooooo whered the time go 😂😂😂😂 brooo where does it keep going lol come back wait up im runnin out of time 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂#x
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so one of my good friends (a year younger than me) just told me she used to be in love with me when she was a hs freshman because i was quote "the prettiest fucking idiot" she'd ever met. is life even real. huh. people actually like me without me realizing it? like wow im gonna go die now thats adorable
#hilarious context to all of our prior interactions because i fr felt like such a cool dude adopting the local freshmen and inviting them#to my club just to find out she only joined bc she wanted to hang out with me#which is cool ig that was ages ago so whatever#but like how did i not realize. damn.#her boyfriend found all of this hilarious bc we were all in the same call. im never living this down.#told them im telling tumblr and she went “lol are you sure you want to do that”#i need to let the gang know all of my fumbles. for my reputation.#boyfriend and i are childhood friends so if he tries to hold this over me im gonna remind him how he was like trying to ask her out#disaster of a man right there we share half a braincell that we lost over the years i swear#also telling him that hes been reduced to just her boyfriend in this post bc i like bullying him. keeps the world turning.#malt rants
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People love to say they support neurodivergent people - but I've found that this is lip service, more often or not, because it requires a lot of patience - and the ability not to assume the worst about a person (especially in a digital space). Every ND person is unique, and has their quirks! But in an online space, I've found that people just tend to assume the worst about you, and kick you/block you/ghost you for your behavior or words, instead of taking the time to have an emotionally mature talk about what happened, and explain why this thing that happened/thing that was said was upsetting or problematic - you're never given the opportunity to explain that you meant no harm. Many of these people, in my case, I've spoken to at length when I was getting to know them about how important communication is - if I've said or done something upsetting, I can't read your mind! I have to know, before I can amend things, and adjust my behavior.
Sometimes I'm oblivious to what I've said/done, because my 'normal' is different. For instance, I love to debate - not argue - but debate. It's interesting to see others' POV! Variety is the spice of life after all, and if we all had the same beliefs and outlooks, that would be boring! But for some reason, most people seem to see a debate as an emotional argument? It's as though you can't disagree - not even respectfully - without people assuming you're angry or mad or attacking them. I don't understand people who get intensely emotionally invested in these debates (when they're not about typical hot button topics, as I don't do religious/political debates) - to me it's like a football player claiming someone on the opposing team was legitimately attacking them, not tackling them as a normal part of the game.
But I also don't engage in 'sub-text' as many neurotypicals do, either - to me, it's not only a waste of time, but a quick way to end up tangled in miscommunication. I say what I mean, and I tell people this... and they'll still apply some hidden meaning to it that is entirely fabricated... then get angry at me for sub-text that isn't really there. (When I was reprimanded in an online space earlier this year, I kept asking what I did wrong... and got told that I was arguing by asking what I was being scolded for/why I was being condescended to.)
ADHD people are regularly called 'passionate' - so much so that I almost want to roll my eyes when I hear it, now... but it remains a decent word to explain, for neurotypical people, our seemingly 'over the top' behaviors - be they positive or negative. And I've had people online assume I'm mad, or attacking them... when I'm just excited... or "passionate." Emotional dysregulation can be hell - some compare it to a car with no brakes. Normal people apply the brakes before the words come out - ADHDers lack those brakes. It means I try to be hyper aware, instead, and apply the Fred Flinstone brakes. I don't always catch myself, either - and in-person/on voice chat, this can result in things that seem rude - like interrupting others; but this isn't meant to be rude, and I don't realize I've done it! I'm excitable, and with the way ADHD works, I feel as though I have to get this comment out before I forget it! If I have to hold onto this thought, I'll either forget it, or spend the entire time the other person is talking trying to hold onto that thought, and miss what's said. But other people just tend to assume I'm being rude by interrupting - so I told a friend I upset this way that he's allowed to notify me in some manner when I've done this - because I don't want to be rude! I don't want to steamroll a conversation - and sometimes I need a gentle reminder that I've done so. I often jokingly compare myself to a jumpy golden retriever - I love people! But no one really wants a big dog jumping all over them, even if the dog means well - sometimes you have to say 'down', and the dog will stop jumping! They just forgot not to do this unwanted behavior because they were so excited!
Emotional dysregulation to me is like my emotions are a volume dial on a radio that was cranked way too high, and the dial broke off. The volume is permanently too loud - which is great when I'm happy, and devastating when I'm sad. But I don't get to turn them down, either way - the volume is stuck at max.
So yeah, sometimes people online need a little grace - a little patience, and for others not to jump to the worst possible assumption. Your normal isn't the same as everyone else's normal, and you might have to take extra time to understand where someone is coming from, and what they meant. Sometimes you might need to explain something that seems obvious to you, but it isn't to someone else. Sometimes that 'rude' thing that happened wasn't at all intended to be upsetting/rude, and talking to the person who said/did that thing can clear the air, and they can apologize and note that this is something they should not do or say, or that they should be more aware of.
Sometimes, the dog is just jumpy and excitable - not aggressive.
#adhd#actually adhd#adhd problems#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#it's incredibly triggering for me to be accused of something... and not be told what I've done#I don't like hurting people - and I can't fix things or apologize or be more aware of my behavior/words if I don't know what I did#it's devastating when people just assume the worst#anyways maybe other ND people struggle with similar things - especially online#I've just retreated and stopped joining or talking in any servers bc this kind of thing is so prevalent#ppl just assume the worst and it's like... I'm just... trying to make friends?#maybe I just need to find more ND people to hang out with who understand#I might be a big softie who is still a bit of a people pleaser -#but I've at least learned to stand up for myself when ppl are needlessly cruel or accuse me of things or put me down or mock me
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starting to become a struggle not rly having any system friends esp wrt our little bc they don't have any friends that relate to their age but we're so protective of our system at this point. hnnnnnggg dilemmas why are they endless
#mine#we've tried joining like. system servers on discord but we inevitably didn't rly have great experiences on them#& esp w our little like. basically being told off for talking in an 'inaccessible way' bc they talk. like a child. that's. The Point.#the only good thing we got was being introduced to pk bc it does help a lot sometimes but. otherwise. hnnnnnngggggg#idk man we're all outta sorts & wack. we have to be strict though esp when it comes to our little#after all the shit we've been through but it makes making friends & maintaining friendships sm harder#esp for the shit we vented abt before we're. Tired 🙃#ig we'll still put this in tags just in case any systems wanna send us an ask or smth.#even though ig this isn't the best first impression but it's being written by Me the primary protector sooo#anyway read our carrd if u do hit us up but yeah.#osdd tag#system tag#plural tag#osddid
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seeing all of these worst mutuals tags and wow . either my memory is a lot worse than i thought or i’ve been having a pretty solid internet experience
#ok well there was the tankie who joined a tiny meat gang gay fans server im in (that basically became a friend group chat)#and told me i wasn’t a leftist bc i a) voted b) didn’t think north korea was good and c) wasn’t willing to die for the cause#which was a crazy experience to have in a. to repeat. TINY MEAT GANG SERVER#also the straight person who joined knowing it was lgbtq only who like didn’t tell anyone for two months and then was homophobic#but i Started Out not liking either of those ppl lol#i just ended up validated#honestly prior to this the only ppl i’ve really been mega internet friends with for longer than .#idk 6 months? has been that tiny meat gang server and i’ve had them since 2019 <3#all of the like ‘expected me to be their therapist’ type stuff happened to me irl instead lmao#i think my constant switching up of interests kept me from making any other serious friends online#blessing! and a curse
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aaaa. i wish my friends would actually act like friends. and. invite me to play games with them sometimes instead of excluding me or making the game harder for me to play (i have really bad tech anxiety and they like forcing mods on ppl)..
i js.. wanna play vidy game.. and hang out.. but all they play are mmos im too scared to/just cannot join in on (shitty laptop) or modded games that scare the shit out of me!!! why cant i hang out with my friends and why do they never think to invite me. i dont even try making it hard all ive told them is that downloading mods gives me panic attacks
#💔 needs recharging#n like. ive told them id love to just join them with casual games#no modding or anything. just vanilla#or even for them to try being gentle w/ me#abt mods!!#but no!!!! they just push it or exclude me altogether#it feels so targeted and unfair sometimes#bcs its usually only me (or my bf)#that they leave out#its never eachother!! and when it is they always apologize and move shit around to change that#but why not? for... us?#idk. feels bad man#theyre good friends and r very fun to chat with its just so hard#to do anything with them sometimes#(looks at that time they chose a game that was clearly putting me in sensory overload and didnt even care when i melted down and left)#im very frustrated. sorry.
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man knowing that there are parents out there controlling what their kids watch and read is. wild to me. like as soon as i was able to read subtitles i was sitting in the living room with my family watching whatever the fuck my parents wanted to watch. the first tv series i watched was sopranos i think, to the point its been long enough that i dont remember a lot of it. like. i feel im at the opposite side of the spectrum there
#my posts#like im not saying that was a good thing exactly but like i am the age that you could see fucked up shit online easier than now anyways#but like. i saw a post about parents controlling what their kids read and it made me think of this#also a friend told me when dexter was airing his mom didnt want him watching it and he kinda did it in secret#im a year younger than him. i was asked if i wanted to join and watch#“hey we are gonna watch (movie that clearly isnt for kids) wanna watch with us?” “i dont want to be alone in my room. yes”#worst case scenario sometimes movies got paused and i got asked if i understood what was going on in there#like maybe that did something positive to my comprehension skills? but still#im not complaining i just. it confuses me so much#i wont lie i really dont remember a lot of those movies or shows tho#i remember the very basic plot of 24. i remember more about lost and dexter and house even if the way we watched it was#weird bc it was pirated dvds lmao. im completely lost at sopranos and i think i watched t hat shit twice. the whole thing#but like movies?? i really dont remember them a lot. unless ive seen them more than once and some of them were more like teenage years then#its kind of a huge blank and movies blending together. i also think this is kinda why i dont watch stuff a lot currently dsiugh#anyways yes back out of the rant. i genuinely dont get it. i mean i get it bc its a controlling thing but. man
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#putting this in the tags bc I need to get this out but also feel kinda guilty about it so I don’t wanna scream it in a post#but I feel soo irrationally pissed at my friend#bc she’s one of my best friends and I love her but I haven’t heard from her all summer except for the like four times she answered my#messages only to immediately ask me something in return#it took her two weeks to reply to a meme I send her only to immediately follow up with ‘het remember how you said your parents wanted to#hire my band’#‘ahaha summer is so busy I’ve read all my books anyway you told me I could borrow this one book?’#last was ‘heyy sorry for not replying haha anyway im bored next week wanna go on a trip’#to which I replied ‘yeah I would love to but I have my internship starting next week remember’#and its like I don’t mind that she doesn’t answer my texts like god knows I hate texting#but its really starting to feel like our relationship is fully based on her needing me for something#which I have felt before but I kinda dismissed it as me thinking it was always me who had to take initiative which was disproved when she#asked me to meet up a few times but thinking back it was always like ‘hey let’s meet up for coffee’ and then when I arrive having literally#left the library where I’d been studying for only ten minutes bc otherwise i wouldn’t see her.#she’s like ‘oh I don’t want coffee anymore but I need to go to the supermarket wanna join me?’#which I always did bc I wanna spend time together and it’s cheaper for me than getting overpriced coffee but!!!!#anyway I’m feeling this now bc while she hadn’t answered my ‘sorry can’t go on a trip’ text I did just see that she’s currently in portugal#with another friend#which is like??? so she just found someone else to relieve her of her boredom and so she didn’t need me anymore so why answer me right??#anyway it’s probably not that bad and I will talk to her about it when I see her again which will probably be in a month I guess but for now#I don’t wanna ruin her trip
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Imposter syndrome is truly baffling sometimes,, yesterday I got added to a discord server with some of my friends from class and my immediate thought was ‘oh no, I’ve tricked and scammed my way into gaining their trust and being invited onto their server. They’re gonna be so mad when they find out :(‘
Oh yeah sure, they’re gonna be soooooo mad when they figure out the nefarious real reason I wanted to join the server was that I think they’re cool and enjoy spending time with them…
#it’s not like I even asked to join. they legit thought I was already on there bc we’re friends#in class one of them told me to check the uni channel bc they posted the detailed list of assessment criteria in there#and was stunned and baffled that the reason I hadn’t seen it was bc I wasn’t on the server#pinky’s personal journal
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fucking love how it went from “yeah sorry we don’t have room for you in the schedule” to “sorry there’s no one available to cover for you when you cannot work a shift” in a month
#in the trenches trying to get my scheduled saturday evening shift changed#bc i’m not missing 02x05#and after that i’ve got plans with friends#literally claiming to my boss that my plans are not able to be changed and therefore whether they find cover or not#i won’t be there#why’d they randomly decide to change me from saturday mornings to saturday evenings this doesn’t work#sorry for all my bitching about work i don’t get paid enough to deal with my boss’s bullshit#so i gotta complain somewhere#i think someone got fired recently but for a stupid reason (using her phone too much on the clock even tho all the work was getting done)#but like that is not my problem#also they’re opening a second location and are taking people from the current location rather than hiring new people#so it’s a problem of my boss’s own making and therefore i don’t feel bad#honestly at this point if i can’t get my shift change i’m just joining the watch party from work i’m only there for another 3 weeks idgaf#and at least now i’ve told my boss i can’t do saturday evenings so if it happens again i can justify getting reallypissed at him
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i don't get people who just insert themselves into others' plans....
#like i'm so baffled rn..#for context: my friend & i are going on a weekend trip to another city next week#she just texted me asking if a friend of hers who i don't know can come with us#apparently she told her about the trip & now she wants to come with us even though she doesn't know me???#at first my friend asked if she can stay in our hotel room & i said absolutely not like wtf????#then she asked if it's okay if she books her own hotel room & just hangs out with us...#i reluctantly said yes bc i don't want to be a bitch but like i can't be the only one who thinks this behavior is super weird??#like when someone tells me about smth they have planned my first thought isn't to ask if i can join??? idk this is so strange to me#idk if she's gonna be in the same train as us as well bc we booked everything weeks ago#i was really looking forward to this trip but now i'm kind of disappointed already..#my friend clearly thinks it's not a big deal but plan your own trip with her maybe???#idk am i overreacting?? this is an introvert's nightmare tbh 😭😭😭#like what if i don't get along with her?? and i end up like a third wheel bc maybe they're closer friends???#my first impression of her already isn't the best bc in all honesty who just inserts themselves into others' plans like that???#asking to stay in our hotel room??? like the audacity??? idk i could never#girl i was really looking forward to this trip but now i'm just worried i should've just said no but as always i have to be too nice 🙄#☁️
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actually dreading roc bc it’s at 4am for me and my mortal enemy is watching sports alone especially early in the morning
#sitting in my room all alone in the dark doing something that’s supposed to be a social thing :(#I hate hate hate watching sports alone#just makes me sad#I know how to enjoy other things by myself#but not sports#my deep rooted childhood trauma of being told to join a sport bc i’ll make friends and then never making any friends#>:(
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