#john said NOT TODAY SATAN!

[johnsbleu]

Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 170

warnings: dual pov, nsfw hmh masterlist

I can tell something is off. There’s a shift in the atmosphere or something. Maybe a natural disaster is on the horizon. There is a static in the air, an electricity. I can feel it as I sit on the patio and read a book to Ronan. The sun is shining. No clouds in the sky. It’s not even supposed to rain until this weekend, but something is…off.

Looking to my left, I see Y/N as she pulls into the driveway. She doesn’t pull into the garage though. She just gets out, tilts her head back and lets out the loudest groan before stomping her way over to me.

I figured out what is so different: my wife is absolutely pissed.

Y/N throws her bag on the chair across from me and Ronan, then she stomps her foot and groans again. I get up and bring Ronan over to the blanket I’ve put out, set a few toys around her, then I walk over to Y/N and rest my hands on her shoulders. I rub my hands down her arms a few times and breathe deep with her, and she looks up at me before she pouts and closes her eyes.

“What’s going on?” I ask, and she tilts her head back and pouts with her whole body. “Are you hurt?”

She shakes her head, “No.”

“Did someone say something to you? Was someone rude? Who upset you?” I ask, and she looks at me. “Who did this?”

“Calm down, babe, I don’t need you to fight anyone.”

I furrow my brow, “Someone upset you. I’ll do what I have to do.”

She laughs a little and looks down at her hands.

“Talk to me,” I say, pulling her over to sit on the love seat.

Y/N pulls her knees close to her chest and frowns, “My mom is too nice.”

“She is very nice,” I say, then I furrow my brow quickly, “Why is that a problem?”

“Because…” she sighs loudly and looks at me, “She invited my aunt to come here.”

I slowly nod my head as I hold her gaze, “I see.”

“Guess where she’s going to want to stay.” she whispers, raising her brows, “Here. Why can’t she stay with my parents? You’re probably wondering. She won’t say it but it’s because their house isn’t as nice as ours, even though their house is gorgeous!”

“I know you’re not the biggest fan of her.” I say, and Y/N gives me a dirty look. I laugh, “Okay, you’re not a fan at all, but it’s just the weekend, right? It’ll go by fast, and if you want, I can handle it all. I’ll take care of it.”

Y/N scoffs before she laughs loudly, “Oh, then I’ll have to hear about how I don’t do anything around here, how my husband--my gorgeous and sexy husband--bends over backwards for me while I sit around and get fat, or how I don’t deserve you. Yeah, absolutely not.”

“If she’s so horrible, why does your mom invite her out?”

“Because she’s too nice!” she says, and I laugh. “Tonya is coming here for some Broadway show with her friends. And even though Tonya loves to brag about how much money she has, she also loves a good deal. Or even better, she loves something free as long as no one else can know that it was free. That’s how the whole staying with my mom thing came about. But again, my mom’s house is just sooo beneath Tonya.”

I laugh as I wrap my arm around her shoulder, “That 1.3 million dollar home we bought your parents. Yes, I agree.”

“Ugh!” she groans, sighing loudly as she leans against me, “So, I guess she’s staying with us. She’ll be here next Friday, but she’s leaving Sunday.”

“I can always put my foot down and say no,” I say, and Y/N looks up at me and starts to laugh, which makes me laugh, “You needed a good laugh.”

Y/N leans up and cups my face as we kiss, then she smiles at me, “I need my partner in crime now more than ever.”

“I got you.” I whisper, then we both look down when Ronan walks over to see her mom.

“My beautiful little girl! Hello!” she reaches for Ronan and puts her in her lap as she kisses her cheek, “Have you been hanging out with daddy?”

I tuck Ronan’s brown hair behind her ear, “We’ve been learning our colors today.”

“Ooh,” Y/N beams, “How are we doing?”

“Really well.” I pick up the book and open to a random page, “Bug, where is the yellow ball?”

Ronan looks at me and Y/N, then she looks at the book before pointing her sticky little finger towards the yellow ball. Y/N and I both cheer, which makes Ronan grin and giggle, and I lean over to kiss her cheek.

“Good job. Where is the blue hat?” I ask, and Ronan looks around before pointing at Bleu laying under the table. I look over at Y/N and laugh, “Yeah, we’re still working on that.”

“Maybe you should have thought about this before you named him.”

I laugh, “Because I knew all those years ago that I would meet you and have a baby who would struggle with the color blue.”

Y/N smirks as she shrugs, then she scoots over to lean her head on my shoulder, “Please have my back this weekend.”

“I always will, mouse. You don’t even need to ask.” I whisper against her forehead, then I tilt her chin up to look into her eyes, “We’re a team.”

__

Not only is this weekend not a good weekend because Tonya is coming, but with Logan being here, it’s also a bad time. We’ve been trying to make this transition for Logan as smooth as possible and Tonya coming definitely isn’t going to help. And if that wasn’t enough, Ronan is currently having a really hard time sleeping lately. She’ll go down to bed just fine, but she wakes up at about 1 in the morning and is up for an hour or so. We don’t like having her sleep in bed with us, but sometimes we’re just so tired that we don’t want to bring her back to her room. Anytime she’s in our bed, I’m a light sleeper. All of those years I spent always having to sleep with one eye open really has come in handy with a baby.

Since I know she’s just having a hard time with her aunt coming, I told Y/N that I would handle Ronan tonight. I should have known better when I got up to settle Ronan down that Y/N wouldn’t be far behind me.

I turn to look at her as she walks in Ronan’s room behind me, “Go to bed.”

“It’s okay.”

“Baby,” I rest my hands on her shoulders and lean down to meet her gaze, “Go. To. Bed. I got this.”

She looks up at me and bites her cheek, “I’ll grab her bottle. Bring her to our room?”

“Yeah.” I press a kiss to her forehead, then I get Ronan, who is crying and reaching out for me.

As soon as Ronan gets into my arms, her cries turn to soft little whimpers. I grab her blanket and her favorite stuffed bunny, affectionately named Coco, then I bring her into our bedroom. I get Ronan situated in my arms, then look up at Y/N as she comes in. She hands the bottle to me and scoots onto the bed until she’s leaning against my arm.

Ronan is looking around with her big brown eyes as she drinks her bottle, then she points up with her finger and touches the tip of my nose, which causes her to laugh. I make a funny noise when she does it again, and she laughs a little harder this time, the bottle slipping from her mouth. Y/N chuckles as she watches us, and Ronan reaches over to do the same thing to Y/N but she’s too far. I hold Ronan up so she can touch her nose.

“What is that all about?” Y/N asks as Ronan giggles. “You’re such a goober.”

“She gets it from you, you know?” I say, and Y/N rolls her eyes and laughs.  

I know that Y/N wasn’t sleeping when I got up to get Ronan. I know she’s just nervous about her aunt coming, and I don’t blame her. Tonya is incredibly critical of Y/N--she is of everyone, which is probably why Bev invited her to stay. Bev didn’t want to be at the receiving end of her wrath and she probably had no idea that Tonya would want to stay with us. Tess is obviously off limits since Tess, well, Tess can’t always keep her mouth shut. In my opinion, it would do Tonya some good to have someone like Tess tell her off.

“I love you.” I whisper to Y/N, and she smiles softly as she looks up at me, “Why don’t you get some rest?”

Y/N chews on her lip for a few seconds before she nods and scoots down in bed. I set Ronan’s bottle aside and lay her down next to Y/N, then I lay down with them, wrapping my arm over both of them. I lightly rub my hand over Y/N’s shoulder and hold her gaze when she looks over at me.

“A team.” I whisper, and she smiles again before closing her eyes.

__

Despite me getting up at 7, Y/N was already up. She showered and got to work on cleaning the house, which didn’t even need cleaning. We like to keep our place pretty nice, but obviously with having a baby, that doesn’t always last long. We try to keep Ronan’s toys contained to one area, but since she’s walking, she tends to bring them with her wherever she goes. We always clean up her toys at the end of the day though so we don’t trip over them in the night or something.

With me living here for years alone, I never really made much of a mess and I was always quick to clean up after myself. I still am that way, and Y/N has gotten that way as well since Ronan likes to get into things. I won’t lie and say Y/N was the neatest person to live with--she left shit everywhere--but she’s gotten much better now.

I never complained before though because I liked it. I liked walking into the kitchen and seeing her lipstick on mugs. I liked finding her socks on the bathroom floor, or her sweater tucked into the cushions on the couch. My house actually looked lived in once she moved in. My house looked like a home. Because it was. Because she was here. I loved it. I still love it.

I hear the door close and look up to see Logan. He abruptly stops and widens his eyes when he sees all the cleaning supplies around.

“What have I walked into?”

I smile as I stand up from wiping off the coffee table, “We have some family--”

“Ew, don’t call her that!” Y/N says with her face scrunched up.

Looking over at Y/N, I laugh, “Okay, not family,” I look back at Logan, “Y/N’s aunt is coming today.”

“Oh,” he nods, then he glances over my shoulder towards his room.

“We’re not kicking you out,” I laugh, watching his shoulders relax, “You can stay as long as you want.”

“Did you really think we’d just kick you out? You’re stuck here, bud.” Y/N says, and Logan shrugs bashfully. “Your room is your room. She can stay in there.”

I look over when Y/N lazily gestures to the other guest bedroom, then I nod when I look back at him.

“Well, I mean, if you guys need me to leave…”

“Nope!” she smiles, shaking her head, “You’re more than welcome to say, in fact, we insist.”

Logan has only been here about two weeks, but he’s already been doing much better. His attitude is much more positive too, and I can see so much more confidence. Y/N and him talked a few days after he moved in about going to therapy and he had his first session the other day; he said it went really well. We really enjoy having him here and despite me thinking it might have been a big change, it really hasn’t been. He’s fit in perfectly. We love having him here.

“Do you need me to like, stay away or anything?”

“Between you and me,” Y/N walks to him and puts her hand on his shoulder, “I would.”

I laugh, “Don’t listen to her. She doesn’t like her aunt, which admittedly, she’s not great.”

“At our wedding she asked if you were single. At our wedding!”

“I think that was a joke,” I say, and she rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “But yes, she is…”

Y/N huffs, “Rude! She’s a bitch!”

“Why don’t you go get something to eat?” I suggest, and she nods her head and walks off to the kitchen. I look over at Logan and walk closer, “Her aunt is, yeah, a bitch. She’s very critical of her, and she’s made several inappropriate comments about me.”

“So, why is she staying here?”

I shake my head and sigh, “It’s complicated. All you need to know is that Tonya might make some off handed comments, but don’t take anything she says personally. If you don’t feel comfortable being around here, then definitely stay in your room. I’m gonna try to keep as much focus as I can on myself, so that she isn’t too hard on Y/N.”

“Sounds brave,” Logan jokes.

“I just don’t want her to be upset. I’ll take the brunt of Tonya if it means that Y/N will be fine.”

“And this is why he’s too good for this world,” Y/N says behind me, then she wraps her arms around my waist, “I can handle her too, but Logan, you don’t need to be around her.”

Logan nods as Y/N tells him about Tonya, then he laughs, “Sounds like my mom.”

“Whoa,” she lets go and blinks before she looks up at me, “You know what, yeah, she is a bit like Laura.”

“Well, in that case, I will make myself scarce this weekend, which won’t be too hard.” Logan says as he leans down to untie his shoes, “I’m picking up extra work at the shop.”

Logan pops into the kitchen quick to grab himself something to eat before he retreats to his bedroom. I look over at Y/N as she stares blankly out the window, and she jumps a little when I touch her elbow.

“Everything will be just fine,” I say, and she turns around and leans against my chest. “Logan will be busy all weekend, so he won’t have to even meet her.”

“If she’s mean to him,” she says, shaking her head, “I’ll…fucking freak out. If she’s mean to any of you.”

I laugh, “She won’t be mean to me. She loves me.”

Y/N groans as she rolls her eyes, “Pretty sure she wants to fuck you.”

“Nah, I’m good.” I say, smiling when she looks up at me. I reach for her and pull her into my arms again, “I will be by your side all weekend and I’ll protect you with my life. No one is going to put you down while I’m around.”

She starts to laugh, “You better by chained to my side then.”

“Gladly.”

__

It’s kind of comedic that with Tonya’s arrival, it started to storm. The moment we heard that she arrived in New York, it’s like the whole state was under a big thick cloud of thunder and rain. It’s fitting, it really is. Y/N thought it was pretty funny. There’s a break in the storm right now, but surely it’ll start raining again.

I volunteered to get Tonya from Bev’s house by myself, but Y/N wanted to come with since she wanted to drop off some pictures of Ronan that Tess took the other day. We packed into the car and drove to Oyster Bay. Y/N clung to the door handle the whole time with her right hand, and her left hand was gripping mine tight. I know that she’s nervous and anxious for this weekend. I just hope she knows that I have her back through this whole thing.

Ronan is beyond excited to get inside and see Grandma and Grandpa, but I’m wondering how she’s going to react to seeing Tonya--someone that she hasn’t met yet. Of course Ronan is happy to meet pretty much anyone, but she also is very intuitive and wary. She gets it from me.

Opening the door, I hold it to allow Y/N and Ronan in first, and I smile when Ronan takes off looking for Bev and Dan. She runs off, then she turns around and runs back to Y/N with her arms out and her big brown eyes are wide and scared. Y/N looks at me and smirks a little as she bends down to pick Ronan up.

“She’s in there,” she whispers, and I inhale deeply. She looks over at me with such sad eyes, “We got this, right?”

“We absolutely do, baby.” I lean over and kiss her.

Walking into the living room, I stand next to Y/N and place my hand on her lower back. Bev turns around and smiles when she sees Ronan, then she smiles at Y/N, almost apologizing with her eyes. She knows how awful Tonya can be to her. Tonya is sitting on the couch, looking up at us with a small smile on her face. She hasn’t said anything to us yet.

“Hey, mom.” Y/N sets Ronan down and walks over to hug Bev, then she gives Tonya a small wave, “Hi, Tonya.”

“Hello.” she finally says, then she looks at me, “I see he’s still married to you.”

Y/N scoffs as she nods, “Yup. Lucky me.”

“I’m the lucky one.” I chime in, and Tonya nods her head as she smiles.

“And this must be Rowan.”

Y/N exhales quietly and glances at me, “It’s Ronan. R-O-N-A-N. Ronan.”

This pisses off Bev, I can tell. Bev loves to boast about her grandkids like any grandparent, so Tonya has to know Ronan’s name.

“Ronan, right. My apologies.” she leans up and smiles at Ronan, but Ro just tucks herself into Y/N’s leg.

I look over my shoulder when I hear the back door sliding open and Dan stepping in, and he bends down and laughs when Ronan runs over to see him.

**

You watch Ronan and your dad as he lifts her up and hugs her, kissing her cheek a few times before setting her back down.

“Want to see what I got for you?” he asks, and Ronan just looks up at him for a moment before nodding her head. He looks up at you and John, “Hey, mom and dad.”

John reaches out to shake his hand, “Hey.”

“Hi, dad.” you walk over and hug him, “What did you get?”

“Come with me.”

You’ll take any excuse to get out of the house and away from Tonya and her evil gaze. You don’t even care if all it is is some new yard tool he got. You just want out of this damn house.

Dan holds tight to Ronan’s hand as you all walk back outside, but you get a glimpse of Tonya tagging along. You laugh when you see the brightly colored playset that Dan has set up near the back of the yard far away from your mom’s most prized possession, her garden.

“Wow, baby, look at that.” you kneel down and look at Ronan, “That’s so cool!”

The playset has a slide, swing, basketball net, and a soccer net. Finn and Ronan are going to absolutely love it.

Dan smiles as he walks over to it, “And look, on hot days, we can hook the hose up to it and it sprinkles water down the slide and it comes out the top too.”

“Oh, god, dad, she’s never gonna want to leave. Half the time, we can’t get her to leave here anyway.” you say as you look up at him, “This is amazing.”

“I know you have a pool and some playsets at your house, but…” he shrugs and looks at you, “Figured it wouldn’t hurt to have one here too.”

John shakes his head, “Absolutely not. This is awesome.”

Tonya clears her throat, “I had a friend who got one of these. She wasn’t paying attention and her son broke his arm.”

“Well, we do pay attention.” John looks at you, “We are always with Ro when she’s playing on it. She only gets to play on it when we’re with her, so we don’t have to worry about that.”

You look at John when he reaches for your hand, “We allow Ronan plenty of time to play by herself, but we don’t let her get on any of her playsets unless we’re there.”

John smiles softly and leans over to kiss the top of your head before he lets go and walks over to help Ronan up the stairs so she can go down the slide. He looks up at you and gives you a wink, and you smile before walking over to them.

God, it feels so good to be a team.

__

Tonya was just so desperately hungry and needed to eat as soon as possible! So, naturally, the best restaurant in New York City (she wouldn’t eat anywhere else) was called and you all got ready and headed out. You were pretty quiet in the car, so was John, but he held your hand the entire time.

It’ll be a little better tonight since Tess will be there. Not only do you have John to have your back, but you have Tess. Tonya and Tess can go head to head. You’ll sit out this round.

You’re just waiting for everyone else to get to the restaurant but you’ve already finished one glass of wine and had a few bread sticks to get something in your stomach. You certainly don’t want to be tipsy and say something you’ll regret.

John rubs your back and leans over to press a kiss to your shoulder, “How are you feeling?”

“She’s not so bad right now, so I’m okay. She has her Broadway show tomorrow, so she’ll be gone all day. I can get through this.” you say, and John nods his head. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” he asks, tucking your hair behind your ear, “You don’t need to apologize.”

You sigh, shaking your head, “She’s just a lot. And that comment she made to you earlier when we were about to leave. It’s just…it’s not right that she’s so rude.”

Tonya made some vaguely sexual comment about John, and it pissed you off. It pissed him off too.

“Well, no, but you can’t control her. She’s a grown woman. You’re not responsible for her behavior.” he says, and you reach for your wine to take another sip, “You’re stressing yourself out for what? Don’t worry about her. She’s not worth it.”

You set your drink down and look at him, “She’s gonna say something that will make you second guess everything.”

John laughs like you’ve just told him a joke, “No, she is not. I think she’s an idiot.”

You start to smile when John looks at you, “Really?”

“Absolutely. Look,” he turns to face you more, “You know me, you know I don’t use this word a lot, but she’s a bitch.”

You laugh loudly as you lean over to kiss him a few times, “She is.”

“She couldn’t say anything that would make me second guess us or you, because her opinion does not matter in the slightest.” he gently touches your chin, “She’s an idiot.”

“She is.”

John looks over the top of your head and smiles when everyone makes their way to the table. Tess searches for you and smiles, then she deposits Finn into the booster seat next to Ronan. She smiles at John for a few moments before he laughs and gets up so she can sit next to you. He presses a kiss to the top of your head and moves to sit across the table from you instead. As soon as he sits down, you both move your legs closer so they’re touching under the table.

It’s all about physical touch with that man.

“Was Tonya a nightmare?”

Tess looks at you and rolls her eyes before hiding behind her menu, “She was berating Jimmy! I was this fucking close to knocking her out.”

“Why?” you ask, closing your eyes and shaking your head, “I mean why was she berating him?”

“He’s too rough with Finn, he shouldn’t play with him on the hardwood floors, we shouldn’t allow him to have a binky still.” she rolls her eyes, “She says all this as if parenting is fucking easy. Our hardwood floors are fine. Jimmy is not rough with Finn at all. They play wrestle. If anything, Finn beats up Jimmy! You know how many times that kid has kicked poor James in the balls? And the binky thing, we’re working on it. It’s not her business though.”

You nod your head, “Yeah, I get that.”

“She been hard on John?”

“More like she has a hard on for John.” you roll your eyes, “She doesn’t like me but she certainly likes my husband.”

You look across the table at John as he holds up the menu and looks at it with Ronan. A smile tugs at your lips when he leans over and kisses the top of her head before looking at the menu with her again. He’s the best dad.

“Children are allowed here?” Tonya asks, and everyone looks at her. “I mean, this is a very nice place--”

“Well, we have very nice children, so…” Tess looks at her and shrugs before she looks at you and rolls her eyes again.

Everyone but Tonya knows that no one is going to come over and kick out John Wick and his family, of course. Yes, this is a nice restaurant that usually kids aren’t in, but Finn and Ronan are fine. And yes, the restaurant made an exception for you--well, for John Wick.

Tonya sits up straight and looks at your mom, surely boasting about something. You feel John tap your leg with his under the table, and you look up at him. He smiles softly before he looks down at his phone and glances at you. You let out a small laugh as you grab your phone.

You okay?

Yeah, she’s just annoying me. You good?

I have the most beautiful woman sitting across from me, of course I’m good.

Kiss-ass.

I love you, mouse. Don’t let her bother you.

I love you too.

You look up at John as he puts his phone back in his pocket, then you text him again.

Thought you were going to send me something dirty.

John gets his phone back out and puts his hand over his mouth causally as he chuckles, his cheeks begin to turn red. He taps away on his phone and glances at you again.

You want me to?

I’m just saying it would be nice.

Well, you look absolutely beautiful in that dress, but I can’t wait to see it on the floor of our room tonight.

Oh, really?

John glances around before looking back down at his phone.

Can’t stop thinking about you riding me and I can’t wait to get my hands on you tonight.

I can’t wait for that either. Can’t wait to feel you inside of me.

I’m gonna put my phone away before I get too carried away and whisk you off to the bathroom.

You laugh as you put your phone away, then you tap his leg with your foot before he reaches across the table for your hand. He squeezes it a few times and holds your palm up so he can press a kiss to it, then he turns to talk to Jimmy while you talk to Tess but he doesn’t let go of your hand.

__

You have your arms wrapped around John’s waist as he gently cups your face in his hands and kisses you repeatedly. He’s doing a good job at showering you with love (he always does, let’s be real) but he’s doing it to keep your mind off of Tonya, which you appreciate. He’s actually been cracking really random jokes for the past 15 minutes and you’ve been laughing your ass off. Why is he so damn funny?

“What state has the most streets?”

“Um,” you hum as you look up at him, “I dunno.”

John begins to smirk, “Rhode Island.”

“That’s so stupid,” you laugh, hugging him tighter as he smiles proudly.

You’re all standing outside the restaurant waiting for the valet to bring your cars around. John presses a kiss to your lips so gently that it causes you to close your eyes and lean in for more, and you laugh when he makes a little noise.

“God,” you tilt your head back and laugh loudly, “You’re so in love.”

“I am. You have no clue, Mrs. Wick.” he buries his face in the crook of your neck and tickles you with his beard as you laugh.

You turn your head to the side to get away from John but you open your eyes and see Tonya watching you. It immediately stops the laughter and causes John to look at you.

“Certainly a lot of PDA in front of your child.” she says, looking at Ronan in Jimmy’s arms.

“I think it’s adorable.” your mom says, and you smile at her for coming to your defense. “Ronan gets to see how much her parents love one another. They’re setting such a good example as to what love looks like.”

Tonya raises her brows, “Well, it’s not very appropriate.”

“Oh, please,” your mom scoffs, “They’re hugging and kissing, not having sex on the kitchen table in front of her. Stop being so hard on them. Stop being so hard on her.”

You look at your mom in surprise when she blatantly sticks up for you. Your mom isn’t a confrontational person, so this means a lot to you. She walks over to you and kisses your cheek as she hugs you tight.

“Don’t listen to her. I’ve had enough of her tonight.” she whispers, then she cups your face and tears up, “I am so sorry that she’s so hard on you.”

“I just take it too personally. I need to stop.”

Your mom shakes her head, “No, she needs to stop. I’m sorry that she’s staying with you. I tried to convince her during dinner to come to our place.”

“I know. I heard it. It’s fine.” you shrug a little, “I’ll just keep to myself.”

It pains your mom, you can tell. Obviously it’s not her fault that Tonya is so damn pushy. Tonya is hard on your mom too. She talked down to her all night.

Jimmy brings Ronan to your car when it pulls up, and he puts her in her car seat and kisses the top of her head before he walks over and shakes hands with John, quietly wishing him luck. Since Tonya is staying with you, she’ll be riding home with you too. You’re not looking forward to that.

“We all set?” John asks, and you nod your head. He walks over and opens the back door for you, then he kisses you when you get in and buckled. “Just ignore her.”

“I will.” you nod, then you turn to look at Ronan as she holds up a toy to show you. Thankfully she’s entertaining.

John, being the gentleman that he is, helps Tonya into the front seat and makes his way over to the driver’s side. You see him look at you through the rearview mirror, and you smile when he gives a wink and reaches his right hand back to touch your knee.

“Ready?” he asks, and you nod your head. He exhales softly and puts the car in drive, and you grin when he keeps looking back at you in the mirror.

__

Logan’s car was in the driveway when you got home, so you knew you’d have to introduce him and Tonya--she’d throw a fit if she woke up and just saw some random kid in the house, which admittedly, would be a little worrisome.

Lightly knocking on Logan’s door, you wait there for a few moments before he opens it. He must have just gotten home from work since his hair is wet like he’d taken a shower.

“I’m sorry,” you grimace, “But I have to introduce you two. She’d be very confused as to why there’s just a kid in our house.”

Logan laughs, “Yeah, makes sense.”

“I promise you don’t have to stay long,” you say, escorting him to the living room. “Hey Tonya, I wanted to introduce you to Logan.”

Tonya turns around and looks at him, then she looks at you like she’s waiting for an explanation. Obviously you have no plans on filling her in on the car accident that led to you meeting Logan. You and John both decided to leave that in the past.

“He’s staying here with us for a little while,” John says, jumping in to help you.

Tonya just stares at Logan when he reaches out to shake her hand, but Logan just laughs.

“Okay then.” he says, then he looks at you, “I won’t be a bother. I’m going to just grab something to eat and crash for the night. I have to be at work kind of early tomorrow.”

You smile at him as he walks into the kitchen, then you look over at Tonya as she watches him.

“Who is he?” she says loud enough for Logan to hear.

“He’s a family friend,” you say, and John nods. “He’s just staying here with us for a bit. Goodnight, Logan.”

Logan smiles as he walks past with a sandwich and a small bag of chips, “Goodnight everyone.”

You look back at Tonya, “He’s a family friend and he’s staying here. Don’t make him uncomfortable.”

“How old is he?”

“He’s 18,” John says, “He’s just a kid.”

Tonya furrows her brow, “Does your mother know about this?”

“Yes, actually, she does. She thinks it’s very nice of us to let him stay here, and she also really likes Logan.” you say as you walk over to turn off a lamp, “He’s part of this family now, so I would appreciate it if you’d treat him as such.”

You regret saying that because she treats her family like shit, but hopefully she gets the point. Logan isn’t going anywhere, this is his home, and you won’t allow her to make him feel uncomfortable in his home.

“Is he your…son?”

John laughs, “Does the blue eyed blonde kid look like he could be my son? Have you seen my daughter?”

You smile at him. Ronan looks exactly like John.

Tonya waves it all off with an exhale, “I’m tired, so I’ll be going to bed now.”

“Goodnight,” you and John both say at the same time since you’re definitely in a hurry to just go to bed.

After Tonya shuts her door, you and John check on Logan. He’s fine and is just now heading to bed after eating. You make your way up to check on Ronan too and see she’s fast asleep with Bleu laying by her bed.

“Well,” John closes the bedroom door and laughs, “Never thought someone would think Logan is my kid.”

You roll your eyes, “She knew he wasn’t, she was just trying to upset me with the thought of you having kids with someone else.”

“That’s…crazy.”

“That’s Aunt Tonya.” you exhale, and John wraps his arms around you while you take off your jewelry. You tilt your head back against his shoulder and smile at him, “I love you.”

John smiles, “I love you too.”

You move out of his arms and turn to him, “But I’ll fucking cry if you have kids with someone else.”

“Well, I don’t plan on it.” he says, pulling you back to him, “Just more kids with you.”

You smirk as you wrap your arms around his neck, “Do you want to take a shower with me and…practice making more kids?”

“I would love that.”

__

**

Today has been absolutely perfect--Tonya has been gone all day. I got a car to come pick her up since there was no way in hell that I was spending all day in NYC just so I could drive her around. She suggested that I do just that, but I had plans for today. I told her that I wasn’t a chauffeur and that I had ordered a car to drive her around instead. I wanted to spend the day with my girls and I wasn’t going to let them down after we had already made plans.

Y/N and I packed a lunch, got Ronan and Bleu, then we headed out and had a picnic at a park in Oyster Bay. It was perfect. We ate, then we decided to play on the jungle gym until Ronan started to get tired. We came back home and got her cleaned up before we put her down for a nap. Now Y/N and I are just lounging on the couch finishing up a movie.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, looking down at her in my arms.

“Fine,” she shrugs, then she sits up to get a drink of water. “Happy that she hasn’t been here all day and that she’s leaving early tomorrow morning.”

I chuckle, “Yeah, I think I’m going to hire a car again. I don’t want to drive her to the airport, and your parents shouldn’t have to either.”

“Yeah,” she inhales deeply and sighs.

“Are you…” I stop and sit up, “Are you upset with your mom?”

She looks at me in confusion, “Why would I be?”

“Well, I just mean that Tonya stayed with us instead of your mom.”

“Oh,” she sits back and shakes her head, “No, I’m not upset with her. Tonya has always been like this, so we’re all used to it. I just…take it a little more personally than everyone else, which is probably why she’s even harder on me.”

I nod my head and look at her, “Well, I think she’s an idiot, so definitely don’t listen to anything she says.”

Y/N laughs as she looks at me, “I know.”

We both look at the TV when the credits start to roll, and I reach for the remote and turn it off. We sit in silence for a few moments and look out the window when we hear the distant thunder. We planned on swimming for a little bit after Ronan woke up since there was a break in the storm, but we won’t be doing that now.

“Serious question.” I clear my throat, “Why doesn’t your mom just cut off contact with Tonya?”

“I know that you don’t quite understand family dynamics because you didn’t grow up around this type of stuff,” she says with no judgement in her voice, “But I don’t know, sometimes you just have to kind of live with them. Obviously if she was this terrible person, we’d cut her off, but…”

I reach out to cup her face, “But she is a terrible person.”

Y/N swallows as she nods and looks down, “I know. I guess, for me anyway, I’m here. I’m in New York now, so I don’t have to worry about it. She’s not my problem. Not that she ever was, but seeing her is so rare now.”

“Yeah, I get that. It’s kind of just putting up with her when you have to.” I say, and she nods, looking into my eyes. “Well, you have me, so it’s never going to be just you alone dealing with her.”

“Thanks,” she smiles wide and leans over to kiss me.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her over to straddle my waist as we kiss, and she sinks down until she’s sitting in my lap. I slide my hand up her thigh and underneath her shirt, and she melts into my touch as I move my hand up higher to rest on her breast, gently fiddling with the silver piercing hidden under her shirt.

Y/N kisses me and sits back, tucking her hair behind her ear, “Ro is down for a little longer and Tonya won’t be home for a few more hours…”

“Yeah.” I smile since I know exactly where she’s going; I know she can feel me hard underneath her. I sit up and kiss her neck as I hold her tight in my arms, and she wraps her legs around me and giggles. “What?”

“Can’t believe you can still pick me up.”

I laugh as I lean back to look at her, “Of course I can.”

“Oh, yeah, I forget. You work out now.” she says, playfully rolling her eyes.

“I haven’t seen you complaining about it.” I say, and she laughs as her cheeks turn red. “I see you watching me when I’m downstairs.”

Y/N laughs as I carry her up to our room, “And I’ve seen you watching me.”

“Well, I can’t help it.” I say, then I plop her down on the bed, “Look at you.”

“Look at me? Look at you! Most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen in my life. And I’m not even exaggerating.” she says, pulling me on top of her. She lifts the sleeve of my t-shirt and bites my bicep, “You’re so hot, John.”

I smooth her hair back and gently kiss her lips, “You are too.”

Y/N slowly closes her eyes as I kiss down her chest and lift her shirt up, kissing and licking over her stomach and down to the waistband of her jean shorts. She giggles when I nip at the skin there, then I unbutton and zip them down. I hum when I see the underwear she’s wearing, and she puts her hand over her face and laughs.

“What? I like these.”

“I know. I knew I’d get a reaction as soon as I picked them this morning. They’re not even special. They’re just black.”

I shrug as I pull her shorts off, “Black looks good on you. Looks good off of you too.”

Y/N laughs again when I toss her underwear aside. She props herself up on her elbows and looks at me between her legs, and I reach up and slide my middle finger into her mouth before moving it back down between her legs. She bites her bottom lip and tilts her head back as I slowly insert my finger, and I suck on her thigh for a few seconds before I bury my face between her legs, listening to her moan my name.

“You sound so pretty when you moan for me,” I whisper, and she lets out a little gasp when I pump my finger in and out, “Let me hear it again.”

Y/N runs her hand through my hair, then she arches her back and moans my name loudly, causing me to grow harder in my pants. I kiss my way up her stomach to her lips, and she hums and pulls me closer to her, feeling my weight on top of her.

“I need you to fuck me right now,” she whispers, and I laugh quietly as I brush my lips over her jaw, “Right now. Please. Don’t make me beg.”

I hold her gaze for a moment and smirk, “I would never.”

Hearing her beg for me would probably send shock waves through my body right now.

I move her up the bed and kneel as I unbutton my jeans, then I stand up and pull them off along with my boxers before I crawl back in bed. I pull my shirt off while she takes hers off too, then I lean down and kiss her neck.

“John,” she whispers, moaning softly, “Please. Stop teasing me.”

“I just like hearing you beg for me,” I whisper, and she starts to laugh. I look into her eyes and smile at her, “I like hearing how much you want me.”

Y/N smooths my hair back and tugs it a little, “I want you so bad, you know that. I want to feel you inside of me right now. I want you to blow my back out.”

“Blow your back out?” I laugh incredulously, “That’s a lot of pressure.”

“Oh, something tells me you’ll do just fine.” she brushes her lips against mine and wraps her legs around me, pulling me closer to her.

I slot myself between her legs and hold her gaze as I slowly slide in deeper, warmth and wetness wrapping around every inch of me. Y/N closes her eyes and clenches her jaw as she stretches around my cock, and I smile when she whimpers a little before moaning. I jerk my hips hard to bury myself to the hilt, and she gasps loudly, fingernails digging into my back.

“Fuck…” I groan as I sit up a little, then I move her right leg so it’s over my shoulder and I get such a better angle that we both moan in unison. “Oh, shit…”

Y/N laughs quietly as I look at her, “You’re gonna do just fine with my request.”

“Good,” I smirk as I lean down, kissing her as we both hold tight to one another.

__

I’ll take a little bit of the credit, but Y/N is fast asleep in bed. After we messed around, we got up, cleaned ourselves, got Ronan and had dinner. We all snuggled on the couch and watched an episode of Ronan’s current favorite cartoon, then we took her to her room, read a book, and put her down for the night. Y/N was tired the whole time. Naturally, I teased her about it, and she just blushed and laughed. She got into bed while I took Bleu for a quick walk around the block, but I’m on my way back home now.

The rain has started to fall a little harder as I get inside with Bleu, and I let him off his leash before he quickly runs into the kitchen where I know he’s already waiting for his food. After I feed him and turn off the lights, I head up to the bedroom and find Y/N curled up and watching TV.

“You were supposed to be asleep.”

“I don’t like to go to sleep when you’re still out.” she says as I crawl onto the bed and lay next to her, “I always worry.”

I chuckle, “I know. That’s very sweet of you.”

A smile spreads on her face as she leans over to kiss me, “I know Tonya isn’t home yet, so I figured we’d watch a movie.”

“You mean I watch a movie while you fall asleep,” I laugh, getting off the bed to change into my pajamas. “Sounds like a plan.”

Y/N watches as I move around the bedroom, then she lifts the blanket and smiles when I lift my arm so she can snuggle in next to me. I stroke her hair a few times and lean down to kiss her forehead, and she lets out a content sigh.

I will never take this easy comfort for granted. It’s something I absolutely look forward to.

You whispers softly, “Besides Tonya being here, this has been a really good weekend.”

“It has been. Ro is sleeping well too.”

Y/N scoffs, “Just jinxed it.”

“Probably. If she does wake up in the night, I got her, okay? Don’t get up with me. I mean it, peach. You’ve been so restless this weekend. I want you getting some rest.” I whisper against her forehead and feel her nod her head, “Hey, look at me.”

She looks up at me with a smile on her face, “Yes, Mr. Wick?”

“I love you, and you’re an amazing mother and wife, and on top of all of that, you’re an amazing woman. No one could ever change my mind on that. You make me so proud every day. I’m so lucky to be yours.” I say, and she tears up a little as she nods, “I know it’s hard having her here and thinking about all the things she’s said to you, but I can promise you that none of that is true, okay? You’re an amazing, intelligent, funny, kind, and caring woman. You’re the best person I’ve ever known.”

“Stop!” she laughs, putting her hand over her face, “Why do you do this to me, Jonathan? God!”

I laugh as I hug her tight to me, “Because I like to make you blush.”

“You do make me blush a lot.” she smiles, tilting her head back to look at me, “I like it too.”

__

Unfortunately a big clap of thunder woke up Ronan, so I have to get up and get her. Y/N is still completely knocked out, which is great though. I carefully get up from the bed and reach over to smooth Y/N’s hair back, then I tuck her in before heading down the hall to Ronan’s room. It’s a little after 1 in the morning, so hopefully I can just get Ronan a bottle and soothe her so she’ll go back to bed. If she doesn’t, I can just bring her into our room until she’s asleep.

Pushing the door open, I look at Ronan and frown as she bawls her head off and reaches out for me. I turn on the lamp and get her out of the sleep sack she’s in, then I tuck her in my arms.

“I know,” I whisper, bouncing on my knees, “I got you. I got you, bug.”

Ronan’s cries turn to hiccups before long, but I know she’s not ready to go back to bed yet. Another loud clap of thunder startles her, and she starts crying again and calling out for Y/N. I grab her blanket and wrap it around her as I head downstairs.

I notice the light in the kitchen is on and I expect Y/N to be there already making a bottle for Ronan, but I stop short when I see Tonya sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea.

“Can’t sleep?”

Tonya looks at me and gestures outside, “Not with the storm--never could.”

“Y/N is sleeping like a rock upstairs. She loves the storms.” I say as I get a bottle started.

Tonya smiles briefly, “Her uncle was like that too.”

I don’t know much about Y/N’s uncle, her mom’s brother, they never really mention him. Most likely because it’s hard for Bev to talk about her deceased brother, and Y/N didn’t really know him that well since he married Tonya and stopped talking to a lot of the family.

“She doesn’t like them either?” she gestures to Ronan crying in my arms.

I look down at Ronan and fix the blanket, rubbing her back to soothe her, “She usually can sleep pretty well through them; she’s just like her mom in that way. She’s just having some trouble sleeping lately. I usually just get up, give her a bottle, and she’s back to bed shortly after.”

“Hmm,” Tonya nods her head and looks back out the window, “So, you kind of do everything around here.”

“I beg your pardon.”

“I said--”

I cut her off, “No, I heard you.”

Tonya looks at me, “Well, you cooked dinner the other night. I saw you doing laundry and cleaning up. Now here you are with the baby at one in the morning while your wife sleeps. I see how you look at her and make sure she’s okay, but she never does that for you. She never really checks on you, and here you are doing everything that your wife should be doing. Now, if you were dating my daughter…”

I don’t like the way she says ‘your wife’. It immediately strikes a nerve and I grow beyond angry. This is exactly what Y/N was worried about, and a weaker man would maybe fall for this, but I’m not that man.

I keep my voice quiet but firm since it’s one in the morning and I’m holding Ronan in my arms, “Y/N has been completely overwhelmed lately because Ronan hasn’t been sleeping very well. She cooks, she cleans, she does laundry. Same as I do. Because that’s how our marriage works. We both put in the work to make this household function.”

Without missing a beat, I reach back and grab Ronan’s bottle, shake it a little, and begin to feed her, all while Tonya just stares at me.

“I have to beg her to stay in bed half the time because she always feels like she isn’t doing enough for Ronan and me when that couldn’t be further from the truth. This house--this family--would fall apart without her. I would fall apart without her. She takes care of me, just like I take care of her. And we always check in with one another. You’re seeing just a glimpse at our life this weekend.” I narrow my eyes a little as I look at her, “I have never appreciated the way you talk down to her, but the fact that you continue to do it when you know that it hurts her, and the fact that you do that in front of me and our daughter is inexcusable. I don’t know what it is that you have against her, but the way you speak to her will not longer be tolerated, especially when I’m around.”

Tonya takes a sip to her tea like she’s unfazed, then she stands up from the table, “I’m heading to bed.”

She walks over to put her cup into the sink, then she walks past me and keeps her gaze down as she heads down the hall to her room. I finally let out a big breath and look down at Ronan as she gazes up at me. The bottle slips from her lips as she starts to smile at me, and I chuckle a little before kissing her forehead.

I am always going to stick up for the woman who completely changed my life.

I smile when I see Y/N curled up in bed, then I place Ronan in the middle of the bed and lay down with them. Y/N starts to move a little when Ronan accidentally swats her in the face.

“Ow…” she laughs quietly, then she peeks her eyes open, “There’s a baby in our bed, Wick.”

I lean over to kiss her, “Figured she’d be less fussy in bed with us.”

“Remember how we used to say we’d never sleep with her in our bed?”

“Well,” I laugh as I get the blankets adjusted, “You know I can’t say no to her.”

Y/N chuckles sleepily, “Me neither.”

I wrap my arm around both of them and rub my thumb over Y/N’s arm, then I lean up to kiss her a few times before laying back down. Ronan is kicking her legs a little and babbling to herself, so I rub her tummy to calm her down. Y/N reaches up and lightly trails her finger around Ronan’s face and smiles when she stops moving and starts to fall asleep.

“My mom used to do this to me when I was little. I would pass out in her lap.”

I laugh, “I remember I did it to you once and you just passed out five minutes later.”

Rain is pattering against the window and lulling us all to sleep, and I open my eyes to see Y/N is already asleep again. I reach over and lightly rub her arm before pulling her a little closer so I can hold the two most important things to me.

__

Not long after Ronan fell asleep, I got up and brought her back into her room. We really don’t like to sleep with her in our bed since we don’t want her to get attached to it and we don’t want to roll over and hurt her in our sleep. I went back to bed and held onto Y/N, and she sighed against my chest before snuggling closer to me. The rest of the night went by way too fast after that. It was like I closed my eyes, then opened them 20 seconds later and it was morning. I wanted to sleep for longer just holding onto my love, but unfortunately that didn’t happen.

This morning we got up and made some breakfast, and then Y/N took Ronan for a little walk around the block with Bleu while I mowed the lawn. Tonya did whatever inside until we were all finished. She must have showered and gotten her stuff packed since when I came back in, her suitcase was already by the door.

Y/N came in and put a sleepy Ronan to bed, then she came downstairs and immediately started cleaning the living room, which didn’t need it. I finally was able to pull her away before she started reorganizing the books on the coffee table for the fourth time. I wrap my right arm around her shoulder and tuck her into my side, but she doesn’t stay there for long.

“Oh,” she perks up, “Mom is here.”

Before I can, she gets up and rushes to the door to let Bev in. She hugs her and shrugs, whispering something to her that makes Bev cup her cheek. I get up and wave at her as she walks in.

“I’m here to take her to the airport.” Bev says, and I nod and look over my shoulder to the guest room, “I’m so sorry--”

“It’s fine. We survived.” I say, and Y/N smiles softly at me. “No big deal.”

Y/N tenses up when the guest room door opens and Tonya comes out with her carry on. I reach for Y/N’s hand and pull her closer to my side, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

“Hello, Beverly.” Tonya says, and Y/N rolls her eyes when I look at her. “I’m ready when you are.”

Bev smiles, “Let’s get going then. I’ll see you two later.”

“Bye, mom.”

I let go of Y/N to get Tonya’s suitcase and carry it out to the car, and I put it in the trunk. I don’t want to leave Y/N with Tonya for too long so I quickly shut the trunk and walk back over to her.

Tonya looks at Y/N and smiles, “Thank you letting me stay here. You have such a beautiful home. And Ronan is such a sweet and precious little girl. You two should be very proud of what you have, not just Ronan. I see what you two have. It’s wonderful. So, thank you again.”

“Uh, yeah, you’re welcome.” Y/N stutters a little, clearly shocked by Tonya’s change in attitude, but I know why she’s changed her tune.

“I look forward to seeing you three again soon. Maybe even Logan if he’s still around.” she says, and I nod my head before she turns and walks down to the car.

Bev looks just as confused as Y/N, and I chuckle a little when Y/N looks at me with widened eyes, mouthing ‘what the fuck?’ as she walks down to the car. She says goodbye to her mom, then she walks back up to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and closing her eyes.

“And peace has been restored to the land.” she says, wiggling her fingers, “Our kingdom has defeated the evil.”

I laugh, “Oh, look at that. The sun is shining again.”

Y/N lets go of me and holds my hand as we head inside. I open the door to allow her in first, then I turn around to close it. When I turn back, I see her with her arms crossed and a big smile on her face.

“Thank you.”

I furrow my brow, “For?”

She reaches for my hands and steps closer, “Your voice carries. Especially at one in the morning.”

“Oh.” I look into her eyes and shrug a little, a little unsure if she’s upset or not.

“So, thank you.” she looks down at our hands and inhales deeply, “No one has ever stuck up for me like that before. I mean, I know you have, but not to her. It really meant a lot. I heard what you said, and this family would fall apart without you too. I would fall apart.”

I cup her face and rub my thumb over the apple of her cheek, “Well, good thing you’ll never be without me.”

“Yeah, good thing.” she says, and I lean down to kiss her, “And thank you for…not being interested in her daughter.”

I let out a small laugh when she rolls her eyes, “Definitely not interested.”

“She already dated one of my ex’s, she does not need my husband too.” she slides her hands up my chest and wraps her arms around my neck, “She’ll have to pry you from my cold dead hands anyway because I am not letting go of you.”

I put my hands in the back pockets of her jeans and smile, “Good.”

“There was one thing in particular that bothered me though…”

“Oh?”

Y/N sighs, “Do I really never check on you and make sure you’re okay? Am I really selfish?”

“Not at all,” I shake my head and look into her sad eyes that are quickly growing wet with tears. “We check in with each other every night. You check in on me during the day. Remember the other day I was getting upset about something and you came over and gently told me that you’d handle it? And you did! That’s you checking in on me and making sure I’m okay.”

“I feel like I’m selfish.”

I cup her face in both my hands, “You are not selfish. Every night before we go to bed, what do we do?”

“We talk.”

“We talk,” I repeat as she looks at me, “We talk about our days. If there’s anything bothering us, we air it out and talk to each other. Do I ever have a lot to complain about? Other than little shit, like someone pissing me off while driving or someone being rude.”

She smiles when I raise my brows, “No.”

“Because I’m okay.” I whisper, pressing a soft kiss to her lips, “Because I have a wonderful wife who knows when I’m at my limit, just like I know when she’s at hers.”

“So, I’m a good wife?”

I let out a small laugh, “A great wife and a great mom.”

“Thank you,” she leans up to kiss me, “You’re a really great husband and a great dad too.”

“You know why else I’m okay?” I ask, and she looks up at me, “Because you’re okay. Because you and Ronan are okay.”

Y/N scoffs as she backs away, “There is absolutely no fucking way you’re real and that you’re married to me. No fucking way! How?”

“Because I fell in love with you! Get back here,” I pull her back into my arms and kiss her, “Because we fell in love with each other, and I’m fucking glad we did.”

“Me too.”

I cup her face as we share a few sweet kisses, then I kiss her forehead and hold her tight to my chest, standing there in the middle of the living room.

“Now…” she tilts her head back a little, “Didn’t we have plans before they were so rudely interrupted by my evil aunt?”

“Did we?”

Y/N starts to smile, “I’m pretty sure we did.”

I rack my brain to think if we had plans or not, but I’m coming up empty handed. I look at her and grimace since I can’t remember. I’m fairly certain we were just going to hang out at home this weekend.

“I’ll give you a hint,” she says, and I nod. She slides one hand down my chest to the crotch of my pants, and I immediately start to laugh. “Does that help?”

“It certainly does.”

Y/N cocks up a brow and smirks, and I push her up against the wall as we kiss. I lift her up and wrap her legs around my waist, then I carry her up to our room, kicking the door shut behind us.

__

taglist: @lilithlinen @multifandombliss @ruby-octo @tnu-ree @sakurachan-9 @beingnerdyissupercool @scream-queen-25 @ladyren33

[drmaddict]

The Lovers

Summary: Jason accuses (Y/n) the town witch that she has cast a spell on him. Neither of them would have expected, what was really behind it.

Wordcount: 7.370

"Ah!" I cried out in surprise, when I heard the crack and the dull bang behind me and whirled around. I had expected to see a heavy branch lying on the ground and not... Jason Carver?

"What are you doing here?" I shouted, still slightly tense.

He got to his feet and knocked the leaves off his jacket. "I could ask you that? What are you doing?", he asked angrily, pointing at the basket I was holding.

I looked at him in irritation.

"What kind of voodoo are you going to do, huh?"

I raised an eyebrow. "They're daisies, you moron." I demonstratively held up one of the small flowers. "You can use them to make an ointment for sunburn." I rolled my eyes. "You followed me all the way through this forest to play witch hunting? How long have you been following me?" He was absolutely crazy.

He came up to me. "Long enough to see that these aren't daisies.", he bit out, holding up the second plant in my basket.

"Yes, this is St. John's wort. My cousin has neurodermatitis. The creams from the pharmacy are all too expensive and they don't want anyone else to pay for them, so I make her one from this. It soothes chapped skin." I grabbed the little plant and threw it back into the basket. "And before you ask.", I continued, reaching into the basket. "Mint. For my satanic tea against bloating."

Jason looked at me dully, then shook his head. "Why should I trust you?"

"Because I'm just here collecting some herbs and you're the stalker, who's been following me through the forest for at least fourty minutes.", I hissed.

Jason took a step back. "I know you're one of those weird wiccans."

"Witch."

"You admit it!"

"I'm correcting you.", I said simply.

He furrowed his eyebrows in irritation.

"Wicca is a religion. Most wiccans are witches. Not all witches are wiccans. It's like quadrates and squares." I teased him. "If you're going to hate me, you should at least use the right terms."

He looked at my basket. "Just because you're not doing anything wrong today, doesn't mean you're otherwise innocent."

I sighed. I just wanted my peace and quiet. "Yes, I'm usually sin itself. Can I have my peace now, please?"

"No."

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "You know what? Do what you want." With that, I turned around and tried to concentrate on the plants. "At least don't trample everything.", I snapped at him and kept walking.

"What is this stuff really for?"

"I just told you."

"You're lying."

"I could pass a lie detector test Carver."

I bent down to grab a small wild garlic plant.

"What's that?" Jason asked, almost angrily.

"Wild garlic.", I explained. "It's simply delicious in food." I threw the plant into the basket. "You're welcome to keep stalking me Jason, but try to be less angry."

"Why?"

"Because I want this", I pointed to my basket, "to have positive energies."

"It's a plant."

"Do you pray for other people's misfortune?"

"No! I'm not."

"Then don't spoil my work, wanting to do something good for the people in my life... Even if it's just to help them with sunburn."

Jason stopped short and looked at me insistently. "How do I know you're not lying?"

I looked at him as calmly as you can look at someone who calls you Satan's bitch. It was his upbringing or the media. How was he supposed to know any better? "Look for Hildegard von Bingen's herbal bible in the library. I know everything about medicinal herbs from her."

"I'm not reading the book of some devil worshipper."

"Hildegard von Bingen was a nun.", I corrected him.

Jason faltered.

"If you don't trust me, maybe you trust one of your people."

He walked slowly backwards. "I'll keep an eye on you.", he said emotionlessly.

"I'll see you at school."

"I'm just saying. Be prepared for something to come up today.", I grumbled to Eddie, poking at my salad.

Eddie shook his head, upset. "He's been stalking you?"

"Yes.", I laughed. "If he hadn't been alone, I would have been really worried."

"He's out of his mind."

"Is that news?"

I didn't know what to expect today. That got me down. Ever since my former friend Melody unintentionally outed me as a witch, I never knew what to expect the next day. She had snooped through my things and found the little pentagram pendant. After the whole school knew about it, even the head teacher called me in and told my parents.

My dad thought I had a chip on my shoulder, but otherwise wasn't interested and my mom... Well, before I explained what I was doing and that the newspapers had no idea, it took a good three hours. Three hours with a lot of tears.

I never spoke to Melody again. Eddie had taken me in with the outsiders and Jason and his gang wanted to see me at the stake.

"We'll keep watch.", Eddie said, looking down the hall.

"My heroes.", I sighed dramatically.

He grinned and bowed exaggeratedly.

I was sitting at one of the tables at the edge of the forest, scribbling listlessly on my piece of paper, when a book banged on the table next to me.

I literally jumped up and stumbled backwards, so frightened, that I toppled over the bench and fell onto my back.

I saw blonde hair and a green and white jacket.

I picked myself up stiffly. "What the hell are you?" I grumbled. "Are you making any noise at all?"

I knocked the grass off my butt and gave Jason a dirty look. He looked back just as crossly.

I looked at the book on the table. Hildegard von Bingen. "You've read it.", I said in surprise.

"Skimmed it."

I looked at his angry face and sighed. "What's wrong now?"

"The herbs might be good, but you're doing something."

I ran a hand over my face. "Jason.", I began humbly. "I'll leave you alone. Can't you do me a favor and do the same to me?"

"No!"

"Why not?" I whined.

He was breathing heavily and turned away in a huff. "Because you did something. You did something to ME. ADMIT IT!"

I faltered. "Jason what are you talking about?"

"Why do I feel this way if you haven't done some witchcraft to me?" he hissed, coming closer and closer to me. I backed up until I bumped into a tree. Jason encircled me with his arms.

"I don't know what you're talking about.", I said almost fearfully. "I don't know what you mean Jason."

"Stop saying that!"

"Say what?"

"MY NAME!"

"Jas-" I bit my lips.

He was breathing heavily. "Undo it."

"I didn't do anything. You're scaring me."

"Undo it!", he growled. He looked at me almost frantically.

"You have to tell me what's wrong or I can't help you, but I didn't do anything."

"Then why do I feel like this?", he whispered angrily.

"How do you feel?", I asked, almost pleadingly. Hoping that he would stay calm.

"How do you feel Jason?"

No sooner had his name crossed my lips than he pressed his mouth to mine. Hard and unyielding. His hands held my head in place and his body pressed against mine. I was so caught off guard, that I just stood there, like a pillar of salt, waiting. Not quite grasping what was happening.

He abruptly disengaged and stumbled back. Tears streamed down his cheeks. "Undo it.", he whispered.

I looked at him in disbelief. Not a word escaped my lips. Not a sound escaped my throat. Until a fuse in my brain clicked into place and I ran away. I ran away as fast as I could, not wasting a single thought on my stuff, which were still lying on the table.

"He's did WHAT?", shouted Eddie angrily.

I sat at the kitchen table of the trailer and looked at the tabletop in disbelief.

"I think I'm going to be sick.", I whimpered. No. I really felt sick. I was sick to my stomach. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I made it just in time to take the contents of my stomach to the toilet.

Eddie stumbled after me and held my hair out of my face. He stroked my back reassuringly.

When I was sure nothing more was coming, I dropped onto my butt and felt the tears on my cheeks. I wrap my arms around my legs. Eddie held out a bottle of water to me.

"Take a deep breath.", he mumbled.

"They're going to kill me Eds."

"They won't. We'll keep you safe." He pulled me into his arms. "Nothing's going to happen."

My backpack was gone, of course. What had I expected?

I sat in the library and waited impatiently for Gareth to come. I hid behind my book and tried to stay calm. One of the boys had been keeping an eye on me all day. Just in case.

Jason had been like a madman. He'd gotten it into his head that I'd cast a spell on him. He had kissed me. Jason Carver. The poster boy Jason Carver somehow had... had a crush on me and now thought I'd made him. Jason Carver had a crush on me and he hated himself for it. I was startled when I heard a backpack fall onto the table, but before I even looked up, I saw Jason's back disappearing quickly and my backpack in front of me. I reached for it hesitantly. Slowly pulled open the zipper. Carefully peeked inside. Nothing happened.

"Your backpack is back?"

I winced.

"Since when are you so jumpy?" Gareth grinned.

"Since I'm waiting for the Inquisition.", I grumbled.

POV Jason

How had I let myself get so carried away? How could I have been so stupid? Why hadn't I stayed away from her? I had given her far too much power over me.

My head was buzzing with thoughts as I walked into the theater room as Luke's note told me to.

That little witch. Why had she run away, when this was exactly what she had wanted? That had been her goal. To cast a spell on me. Had she realized that this couldn't be love? Had she perhaps really done nothing - I interrupted the thought immediately. Of course she had done something. I would never think like that about someone, who went against everything I stood for.

The door of the theater room slammed shut loudly. I turned around with a jolt and caught sight of Eddie Munson.

"Ball boy. Glad you got my message."

I looked at the note in my hand. How could I have been so stupid?

"I heard about your little meeting with (Y/n) in the woods.", he continued, walking slowly towards me.

I shouldered my backpack and moved towards the door, but Munson grabbed me firmly by the shoulders and stopped me.

"Not so fast. Where are you going?"

"Let me go!"

"Why is that? I guess it's not so much fun being hassled yourself?"

I pulled my shoulders out of his grip and pushed him away. "That's what she wanted! She started this voodoo.", I hissed. "So tell her to undo it or leave me alone!"

Munson laughed. First in disbelief, then louder, harder, until he seemed almost unable to breathe. "Oh God!", he struggled to breathe. "You really believe that."

"What's so funny?", I shouted angrily.

Munson held his stomach and sat down on one of the folding chairs. "You have a crush and you don't realize it." He wiped a tear from his face.

"I don't-"

"You think you're pretty important, don't you?", he interrupted me, still slightly breathless. "Don't you think she'd have better targets, than some bore with a twist in his panties?"

I turned away angrily and left.

"Bother her again and you can find out how to throw your balls with crutches.", he shouted after me.

I pushed the door open hard and stormed through the corridors.

I don't have a crush on that witch. I don't want anything from her. No matter how many dreams I had in which she lay with me and in which she seduced me with her smile and her scent... Those dreams weren't real. They weren't my dreams. They couldn't be mine.

"Jason." my name fell from her lips like a prayer. She clawed at my back. I kissed her neck, marking it as my own, as I thrust into her again and again. Sometimes faster, sometimes slower. I let her dance on the threshold of pleasure. Never quite gave her what she wanted. I devoured her and she gave herself to me. (Y/n's) eyes were glassy and yet warm. Looked up at me with affection and admiration. Her hands caressed my back. Her legs wrapped around my hips. She moved towards me. We were united. Two bodies and two souls in harmony.

She twitched around me. Her body tensed. She collapsed in waves of excitement. She took me with her and caught me.

The fabric under my cheek was damp. I sat up with a jerk. I was alone. Alone in my room. Just me in my bed. Sweat was sticking to my body. I wiped the saliva from the corner of my mouth in disgust. My shorts were sticking to my crotch. I pulled a face.

Why in God's name did I have to be the target of this witchcraft? Why did these dreams have to feel so good? Why did I feel so safe in them? She was a witch! She was evil. She was not gentle and sweet. I had to remind myself that she had cast a spell on me. I couldn't love her!

Where did that word come from? Why did it want to creep into my head?

I felt tears running down my cheeks. I don't want to have these thoughts!

(Y/n)s POV

The last week I had gotten away with it. None of the jocks had hit on me or hinted at anything. It just made me even more paranoid.

I was waiting for a prank. Some kind of humiliation. I was almost longing for it so I could finally get it over with.

I was walking home when a sadly too familiar car drove up slowly beside me. I didn't look up, stubbornly continued straight ahead.

I heard the side window being rolled down.

"Get in!" Jason said stubbornly.

I walked on silently.

"Get in the car now!"

"No!" I replied stubbornly.

The car came to a halt. A door opened. I quickened my steps.

A hand clutched my upper arm. "I told you to get in.", he hissed.

"But I don't want to.", I spat back.

His grip on my arm became painfully tight. "And I don't want to have these thoughts, so get in."

I tried to pull away, but it didn't help. His hands were on my arms like vices.

"What are you going to do?"

"We're going to church."

I looked at him, perplexed. "Is the pyre ready or what? For fuck's sake, Carver! I don't want anything from you except to be left alone! Even if I could do what you accuse me of, which I can't by the way, why would I want the guy who's been spitting on me for months?"

He looked at me blankly. "We'll go to the church now and talk to the priest."

I realized tears were welling up in my eyes. It was all so absurd. It... It was humiliating. Someone had a crush on me and it was so absurd that it was really happening that he suspected I had bewitched him.

"Now come on!" he ordered, pulling me roughly towards his car.

I stumbled after him.

The drive was silent and tense. I had tried to jump out at a red light, but Jason had immediately had grabbed hold of me.

When we arrived at the church, Jason dragged me up the steps of the building and through the door into the large main room.

I had never been in a church before. My parents weren't believers, so there was never any reason to attend one.

He looked at me insistently.

I remained stubborn. "What? Did you expect me to burst into flames?"

His jaw tightened. "Come on." he growled.

Roughly, he dragged me to a small room and knocked.

Priest Mitchel opened it for us. "Jason. Hello... And you must be (Y/n)."

I nodded hesitantly.

"Can you give us a moment alone Jason?" the priest asked, stepping aside to clear the way into his office.

Jason reluctantly let go of me.

I cautiously stepped into the priest's office. I only knew him by sight, but he always seemed nice and friendly.

"Why don't you sit down for a minute? Would you like some tea?"

"Uh... No. Thanks."

He just nodded and sat down on an exercise ball opposite me. "They don't look particularly professional, but they're good for your back.", he smiled.

I just nodded. "My mom has one too."

He grinned. "Very well." He became more serious. "Jason told me about his situation." I stiffened. "Don't worry. I won't drag you to the torture chamber. But whether you've done anything or not... Jason... Got stuck on that idea and knowing the boy, he's not going to let it go."

I sighed. "So you're not getting out the pitchforks?"

He smiled. "No. Believe it or not. My wife went through a phase like you once."

"And if it's not a phase?"

"Then I pray you stay true to the right path anyway."

I looked thoughtfully at the table in front of me. "And how do I get rid of that witch hunter out there now?" I muttered. "You know him better than I do."

Father Mitchel looked thoughtfully at my bag. "You don't happen to have any herbs with you?"

I looked up irritated. "What? No. I was at school. What do I want with herbs there?" 

"Hm... Well, the tea will have to do then."

He reached into the drawer of his desk and pulled out a packet of fruit tea. Relaxed, he cut open a good six bags and tipped them into a small decorative bowl.

"What are you up to?"

He grinned. "We're breaking a spell for Jason's sake. Under my supervision, of course, so he'll feel more comfortable and confident about it."

I raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Don't you always say you shouldn't lie?"

"Special situations call for special measures."

"You're a strange priest."

"And I'm very proud of that."

Less than five minutes later, I was sitting behind the church in front of a small bowl of fruit tea, trying to remain serious. Jason and Father Mitchel watched me from a safe distance, how I lit a small piece of paper on which my and Jason's names were crossed out.

Normally, you would use two candels with a connected wick to break a love spell, but Jason didn't know that.

I threw the note into the bowl and watched it burn. The tea left a sickeningly sweet smell, but the light breeze made it disappear quickly.

I waited patiently for the flames to recede and then grabbed the ashes to let them blow away with the breeze for show.

Jason watched everything with eagle eyes, but actually seemed a little calmer with Father Mitchel at his side.

I got up from my cross-legged position and lifted the bowl. A pretty little thing.

I put it in Father Mitchel's hand. He nodded at me with a smile. "If you ever think about it, the church is always open to you."

"That... That's very nice. Thank you."

"Well then. Accounting is waiting." He sighed and walked back around the building.

Jason looked at me appraisingly. I let him.

"Can you at least take me home now? I don't have any money for the bus."

He struggled with himself, but then motioned for me to follow him.

The journey was calm. Tense, but calm.

I quickly squeezed out of the car when we arrived at my house. "Thank you. Bye.", I mumbled and disappeared into the house as quickly as I could.

Hopefully, this haunting was finally over.

POV Jason

She kissed me so tenderly. Her arms were wrapped around my neck. Her body was warm as it pressed against mine. I could feel her breasts through both our shirts. I enjoyed her hands in my hair. I stroked her ribs. She giggled slightly. Bit my lower lip playfully. I laughed. I felt bliss. I felt light. Here in this meadow, lying on a scratchy picnic blanket, with her in my arms. She kissed the tip of my nose. She ran her thumb over my cheeks.

"I love you.", I murmured and gently kissed the diamond ring on her ring finger. 

I woke up suddenly. Annoyed, I hit the alarm clock and buried myself under the thick comforter again. Still slightly foggy, I tried to fall back asleep and continue dreaming where I had left off. I wanted to go back to the meadow and (Y/n)-

I stiffened up. No. No. No!

Why another dream like this? I curled up under the blanket and pressed my hands against my forehead. I tried to push these wishes out of my brain.

But she had dissolved the spell. Father Mitchel was there. That couldn't be. It couldn't be.

I wanted to be normal again.

POV (Y/n)

I sat on my favorite table in the woods and looked thoughtfully at my tarot cards. The lovers had been extremely persistent in my last readings. I threw all the cards back on the pile and shuffled them vigorously. That didn't make any sense. I haven't really felt it anyway.

I shuffled and suddenly one of the cards flew out of the pile. I turned it over and sighed in surrender. The fool glared at me maliciously. "All right. I get it.", I growled annoyed and put the cards on the table.

I heard it crack behind me. I quickly jumped up and looked around.

God no.

"Jason?"

He didn't say anything, just sat down at the table. He looked tired. Listlessly, he threw his backpack in front of him and lay down on it. But he kept his eyes on me. His eyes wandered to the cards on the table. Strangely, he didn't react.

I didn't say anything. I didn't move.

"What do you want here?"

He was still looking at the cards and reached for one that had clearly slipped out of the deck. When he threw it back down, annoyed, I saw the lovers again.

"I give up.", he mumbled. His voice was low and raspy.

I hesitantly sat down next to him. "What are you giving up on?"

"It didn't work... The voodoo from yesterday."

How could it? It was just for show. I sighed anyway. I had somehow hoped that maybe it would influence him enough to finally put his mind at rest.

"Go on, then. Do what you want.", he grumbled.

I furrowed my eyebrows in irritation. "What?"

"You wanted me. Go on."

I breathed in and out in a controlled manner to control my anger. "Jason.", I groaned, annoyed.

He looked at me devotedly. I rubbed my hands over my face. "Okay. How about you pray?"

He sat up. "You want me to beg you too?"

I rolled my eyes. "To your god, you idiot."

He faltered. "Why?"

"Can't you ask him what's right and what's not? Ask him for the truth."

He faltered. His eyes screamed with confusion.

"Come on," I groaned and put my cards away. "I'll even clean up."

He sat up straighter. Watched me. "All right.", he murmured. His hands pushed together almost cautiously. He rested his elbows on the tabletop and gave me another quick glance. "No games.", he ordered.

I held my hands up in the air defensively.

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on his hands. It seemed so... antiquated. The way he sat there mumbling to himself. The way he held his hands. It all looked so ancient.

I went about my own thoughts until I suddenly heard him sobbing.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts. Jason was still in his prayer position but I heard him turn up his nose.

His hands separated and immediately ran over his face. I quickly looked in my backpack and grabbed the small pack of tissues.

"Here." I held them out to him.

He grabbed it without a word and wiped his tears away, blew his nose loudly and then threw it on the table.

"Jason." I was practically whispering. As if every loud noise would destroy the world.

He just shook his head. "You're not supposed to say my name.", he replied just as quietly.

"Then what am I supposed to call you?"

He wiped away another tear. Silently, he looked at the tabletop.

"Why do you hate me so much?" I asked.

He grimaced. "I think we both know that the opposite is the problem."

I shook my head. "No, you're conflicted. You hate the... Interest in me."

He sighed and reached for another tissue. "Why do you have to be a witch?"

I smirked. "That's it?"

"You go against everything I believe in.", he pressed out.

I sighed. "How about you pay your debt?"

He looked at me, confused. "What kind of debt?"

"You dragged me to your priest and now you're meeting one of my friends. Don't worry. She's a Christian... And a witch."

He laughed dismissively. "No such thing."

I held out my hand to him. "Let's make a bet, then."

He hesitated. "What bet?"

I thought about it for a moment. "If I win, you stop putting the basketballtaining on the Hellfire meetings."

Jason's jaw tightened. He reached for my hand. "If I win, you come to the service with me. For a month."

"Deal.", I grinned.

"Deal.", he bit back.

"Here?" Jason asked incredulously as he brought the car to a halt.

My friend's house was a simple terraced house. A small front garden with flower beds and a bright yellow façade.

I just nodded. "Yup. This is where she lives." I got out and waited for him to do the same. We walked down the small driveway and Jason eyed the cross on the thermometer next to the door.

It opened and my friend Jannice emerged. She was in her mid-thirties and, as always, a bit over the top.

"(Y/n)!", she shouted happily.

"Hey Jan.", I laughed and let myself be pulled into a hug.

"You haven't been around for far too long. You really need to make me some of that lavender oil again. I've just dried some. You can take it with you right away. Uh! Who have we got here? Let me look at you!" She hugged Jason, who was completely taken by surprise and just stood there.

"I can't believe you're fishing for such a tasty treat. I would have bet on the curly head with the puppy eyes..."

"Jan, we're not a couple.", I quickly interrupted her.

"Oh... Oh well." She brushed one of her wild curls out of her face. "Well, come in."

We entered the house and went into the kitchen, which, as always, smelled wonderfully of all kinds of flowers and herbs.

Jason stopped in the doorway and looked at a small table with a cross and a candle on it. He looked at them closely. The candle was bright pink. Definitely not a candle that was available at the service.

He turned back to us. "(Y/n) says you are a Christian.", he said clumsily, but Jannice just smiled again.

"Yes, that's right."

"And she says you're a... witch."

She put a tin of cookies on the table. "Yes. That's true, too."

Jason looked at her suspiciously. "But that can't work."

Jabnice laughed. "Oh boy. Have a seat. Eat a cookie and then I'll explain everything you want."

Jason still sat stiffly on a chair. "What's in the candle?", he began and Jannice started.

"But there are rules!" Jason huffed.

Jannice nibbled on a cookie. "I live by the rule of being a good person. How many more rules do you need? Treat your fellow human beings with love and helpfulness."

Jason put his coffee cup down firmly on the table. "But then everyone can do what they want!"

"If the law was repealed tomorrow that killing someone was illegal, would you do it?"

"Of course not!"

"And yet there are people who do it despite the law." She poked Jason's chest with her finger. "Because our ethics aren't always governed by rules."

She leaned back in her chair. "Why do you want to understand it, if you're so sure of your religious interpretation?"

Jason faltered.

They were a mismatched pair. So different and yet so similar.

"Jason wants to broaden his horizons a little.", I interjected.

Jannice eyed him. "To broaden your horizons, your heart has to be open."

Jason sighed. "Open heart. I just don't get it!", he huffed.

Jannice put a hand on his shoulder. "Your head doesn't understand or your heart?"

Jason gave her a pained look. "What's the difference?"

She smiled gently at him, but there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Because your head only tells you what you've learned. Your heart tells you what you've always known."

Jason's eyes sparkled treacherously wet again, but he blinked bravely.

Jannice's gaze showed understanding. "You were never really allowed to ask questions."

Jason shook his head. "There were rules."

She nodded. "Well. I listen to every question. My door is always open."

Jason didn't respond. Just grabbed another lavender cookie.

He stayed silent for a long time on the drive back. "I really want to understand this," he whispered.

Even though I didn't know what had happened to him, I had seen that something inside him had been shaken awake. Something that he had put to sleep was stretching and trying to understand why it hadn't been allowed to go through all those years.

"These things take time," I replied calmly.

Jason nodded. "Should I apologize?"

I grinned. "What does your gut say?"

He shook his head, annoyed. "I thought we were focusing on the heart."

I laughed lightly. "Everyone gets their knowledge from somewhere else."

He was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry." His eyes shot to me very briefly.

I bit my lip. "It's okay."

"And now what?" Eddie asked me as we lay on the roof of the trailer and looked up at the sky.

I shrugged my shoulders, even though he couldn't see that. "I don't know."

He sighed. "Do you think he'll shut up now?"

I had to smile. "I think it's more likely that things are just starting now. You should have seen them." I let the thought slip away and the confusion of the last few days settled over me. "This is all so absurd.", I muttered.

Eddie laughed. "I still can't believe he thought you put a spell on him."

I sighed. "Why wouldn't he? I'm not exactly his typ."

Eddie nudged me. "Of course you're not. They're completely hollow."

I shook my head. A sad smile spread across my face. "Can you play my best girl-friend for a minute?"

"Shall I get the nail polish?"

I punched him lightly.

"Sure.", he grinned.

I closed my eyes in surrender to make it easier. "It was so far-fetched, that he could really have a crush on me, that he thought I'd jinxed him Eddie.... That's... Why is it so far-fetched to have a crush on me?"

He patted my shoulder. "I'm sticking to the fact, that they're hollow."

I continued to gaze at the stars and fell silent. How could you treat someone you had a crush on with such disgust?

"What's going to happen with him now?" Eddie had turned his head towards me and was looking at me questioningly.

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Well, he understood that he thinks you're hot and now what?" He twirled his rings. "Are you going out? Are we still seeing each other? Do I have to find another club witch because you're hanging out with the cool kids now?"

I looked at him, confused. "We're not going out.", I blurted out. "We're just... I don't know. There's a truce?"

Eddie furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "He fancies you (Y/n).", he said forcefully. "We know that now. How do you feel about him?"

I looked at him dully. "I've never thought about it.", I confessed. "Don't look at me like that! I was waiting for the funeral pyre."

Eddie shook his head in amusement. "I don't believe I'm saying this, but you two seem to be perfect for each other."

I nudged him roughly. "That's not funny!"

"Yes it is."

I pouted.

"So. How do you feel about him? Tell your best friend."

I rubbed my face. "I don't know. He... I mean he hasn't exactly been nice over the last few months." I listened to the rustling of leaves around us. "Can you like someone you're supposed to hate?"

"If we asked Jason, he'd say yes. Come on. What do you think of the Bible boy, non-judgmentally."

I sighed. "It's not that simple.... I mean... I don't know... He seems ambitious?"

"Very romantic." Eddie nodded, playing serious.

I groaned in annoyance. "He's probably quite good looking."

A grin appeared on his face.

"But I don't understand how he can dress like that.", I grumbled

Eddie continued to grin. "I knew you had a thing for Andrew!"

"Andrew?"

"Breakfast Club... Jock Andrew."

I blushed. "Shut up."

Eddie chuckled. "Would the basketball shorts on Jason be more your thing?"

"I told you to shut up."

"Oh, no. I'm going to enjoy this. Besides, he's definitely dreaming about banging you. So you can let it all out."

"He doesn't." I blurted out immediately.

Eddie couldn't stop laughing. "He has a cock and he likes you. He definitely dreams about you two fucking."

I gave him a petulant look. "You really are a catty best friend."

"And I love you very much."

"But... You could curse someone?", Jason asked me hesitantly.

We were sitting at the table in the woods again. As usual, Jason had come to me like a ghost and then started asking questions.

"I could probably try it. No idea if it would even work. Anyway. It's not my thing."

Jason looked very thoughtful as usual. "Why are you so insistent on only doing good?"

His blue eyes looked confused. "You could and you don't think anyone will punish you for it. Why don't you?"

"I never said I wouldn't be punished for it.", I objected.

He played with the zipper on his backpack. "And who's punishing you?"

"Karma.", I said simply. "Everything you send out comes back to you threefold."

"Hm."

He was silent for a moment. Let it sink in. "Okay."

Meanwhile, I sat in my seat and couldn't get the conversation with Eddie out of my head. Somehow the fact that Jason had admitted to having a crush on me had made it real. Did he really dream about me? Did I want him to dream about me? My ego wanted it, but did I want it?

I sighed without realizing it.

Jason looked at me questioningly. I waved him off. He looked thoughtfully at the table again. "Is there a spell to get rid of feelings?", he asked quietly.

I looked at him, irritated. "What?"

He rubbed his forehead. "I don't know which synapse has locked onto you, but we both know that there's no future in this. Apart from the fact that I very much doubt by now that you want anything from me." He stood up angrily. "So please. Do something and set me free."

I felt the anger boiling up inside me. First mixed with shame, then all the clearer and stronger.

"Set you free? I'm sorry that your limbic system isn't playing along with your image planning. I'm sorry that it's so disgusting to have a crush on me that you even have to assume you've been cursed. I'm sorry, Carver", I bit out his name, "that I'm not good enough."

I could feel the heat in my cheeks. "But you could at least have the decency not to throw that in my face every time you see me!"

I grabbed my backpack gruffly, which unfortunately only caused my tarot cards to fall out and scatter across the forest floor.

Jason just looked at me dully. A gust of wind hit me in the back and blew the last card away.

Jason bent down for it and held it out to me unseen.

I tryed hard not to crumple it up. The damn lovers. I breathed in and out in a controlled manner.

"I'm sorry-"

"Save it." I interrupted him immediately. I held my hands in front of me defensively. "Just let it go." I put the card with the others and zipped up the backpack.

The wind picked up, but I paid it no mind. I just kept going, no matter how hard the wind tore at me. How could the weather change so quickly?

"Now wait!" Jason called after me. "You can't walk through the forest in a storm like this. Let me drive you."

"No!"

I felt a hand around my upper arm, yanking me backwards. I heard a loud crack. A rumble of thunder rolled through the forest. The ground vibrated.

Jason had held me protectively against him. It was only when I managed to free myself that I saw his shocked face. When I turned around, I saw it.

A not exactly delicate branch was lying right where I was about to go. That thing would have easily broken every bone in my body.

As soon as I'd gotten over the situation, the wind died down, but only a little.

"Come on," Jason said and pulled me along with him. His hands were firmly on my shoulders and he swiftly escorted me to his car.

I stayed still for the rest of the journey. Jason had thrown his jacket on me because he had decided I would definitely be cold. The radio was switched off because it had started raining halfway and the signal was gone.

I hated that Jason's jacket smelled good. He wasn't supposed to smell good. He wasn't supposed to look good. His stupid upper arms shouldn't be so attractive.

Pouting, I averted my eyes.

"I can't see anything.", Jason grumbled loud enough to drown out the pattering of the rain. I didn't look at him. But then I felt the car stop.

"What are you doing?"

"I can't see five feet far. We have to wait for the rain to stop.", he explained defensively. I groaned in annoyance and rolled my eyes. Great. Still sulking, I crossed my arms and sank further into the seat.

He did the same. His upper arms stretched his shirt. I shook my head to get rid of the thought.

"I'm sorry, but you have to admit that I don't really fit into your life either.", he grumbled at me from the side.

I grit my teeth. "You know what? Maybe things would have been different, if you hadn't spent the last few months making my life a living hell.", I spat at him.

He looked back just as angrily. "And I'm sorry! God knows I'm trying to understand, but I can't change the past!"

"Where did your sudden interest in me come from anyway? Heh? How can you be so divided in your desires?"

His hands were clenched into fists. "Because not everyone can be who they want to be!", he shouted. "Because I can't like everyone! Because I can't just feel the way I want to!", he continued to shout, looking at me angrily. "Do you think I care what you do with your herbs? Do you think I want to be like that? I don't want to! I want to be normal, but I can't!" He breathed heavily and narrowed his eyes. "There were always rules. I was NEVER allowed to question them. I wasn't allowed to play with everyone. I wasn't allowed to be friends with everyone.... And I wasn't allowed to fall in love with everyone." He took a deep breath. "And people look... They talk when you don't do what they expect you to do." He looked stubbornly at the steering wheel. He continued to speak so quietly that I almost didn't hear him over the rain. "I'm not supposed to like you. I do... I do, but I'm not allowed to... Not until I... Before I... Before I've moved away and have a life for myself. Before I can... can be new."

And that's when a light went on. The fool. New. "Those were your cards!", I blurted out before I could hold it back.

"Wh-what?" He looked at me, snapped out of his emotions.

I rummaged for my little notebook. "I've been drawing the same four cards over and over again for weeks.", I explained. "The ten of wands. You suppress your feelings and desires and thus prevent yourself from being happy. The lovers. I probably don't need to explain. Then the tower. Tower moments bring down all walls... And the fool. New beginnings... Those were your cards!"

He looked at me, perplexed. "Okay?"

I looked at him insistently. "You... You can't spend your whole life pretending to be someone else!"

He sighed. "Not my whole... Just until... after college... Until I get a job." He closed his eyes. "That's a long time, but... Not forever."

"And then what? Do you just get up one day and become a different person? Ignore all the connections you've made up to that point?", I asked.

I saw the turmoil on his face. "What else am I supposed to do? If it gets out that I have a crush on someone like you, my father will call an exorcist."

I laughed in disbelief.

"I'm not joking! My father... is strict.", he concluded choppily.

I faltered. "How strict?"

He shook his head. I put a hand on his. He exhaled shakily. A tear rolled down his cheek. He didn't wipe it away. The rain continued to pelt down. Shielding us from the outside world.

"I can only really be me in my dreams.", he said more calmly now. "And now you've just snuck in there." He took a deep breath. Seemed to want to calm himself down.

"What am I doing in your dreams?" I asked cautiously.

"You just make me happy," he confessed. "You're there and give me so much affection. I can let myself go. I can laugh and... and... and I know I've ruined any chance of it really being like that." He roughly wiped the next tear from his face. "It drives me insane to wake up every morning and all of this is gone. I have to put that possibility of happiness behind me every morning and pretend that desire doesn't exist."

So that was him. Jason Carver. Behind the speeches and the facade. Behind the perfection and bravado. Broken. Unhappy. Alone.

"Jason.", I whispered.

He shook his head.

"Jason... I understand." I just said. "And... I think I can forgive you... With a little time."

He wiped more tears from his face. I squeezed his hand. "When you're ready, I'd like to meet the real Jason."

"I don't know when that will be.", he confessed.

"I can be very patient. But do me a favor."

He looked at me questioningly.

"No matter when you show the world, please figure out who you want to be by then."

His breath was shaky. "I'll try."

POV Jason

Seven years later

I sat exhilarated at the table of the small café, looking at my watch for the fifth time in two minutes. She probably wasn't coming. God it had been seven years. Seven years since we graduated. Since we only met rarely and secretly in the woods. Seven years since she had kissed me the last time we met. Seven years that I had thought about that kiss again and again, dreamt about it, longed for it. Seven years in which we had only exchanged letters and I had kept them all.

Seven long years in which so much could happen.

Seven years and now she was suddenly standing in front of me again. Grown up and as radiant as ever.

"Hi." She smiled gently at me.

"Hi." I whispered back in awe.

8 years later

She was lying in my bed. She cuddled up to me. It wasn't a dream. It was real. I smelled the scent of her hair. I felt her body against mine. I felt the warmth of her skin. I heard her steady breathing.

I pulled my arms tighter around her naked body and closed my eyes. It was real. We were both real.

9 years later

"Yes. Yes I do!", she smiled at me and euphorically wrapped her arms around me.

I felt a weight fall from my shoulders. She had said yes.

With nervous hands, I put the ring on her finger.

I immediately pulled her into a kiss, unwilling to let her get away again in the near future.

10 years later

I was lying with her in a meadow. The weather was warm but pleasant. The sun danced through the leaves above us.

We kissed lazily. I ran a hand under her shirt and over her ribs. She giggled. Ticklish as she was. She playfully bit my lip. Then kissed me on the tip of my nose. Stroked my cheek. I kissed the ring on her ring finger. "I love you.", I murmured.

She smiled warmly at me. "I love you.", she replied.

I smiled. "I've dreamt about this before.", I whispered.

"And is it as good as your dreams?"

I felt the warmth and bliss inside me and shook my head. "It's better." I kissed her lips softly. "It's real."

[creature-wizard]

hi!! i saw ur take on DID programming being a conspiracy theory, and i'd like a further elaboration if that's fine with you. i'm just curious and a bit confused, since i've met numerous systems claiming to be victims of programming

Sure! It's kind of a long story, but I'll try and summarize things as best as I can.

So, back in the early 20th century, mystical types were looking at hypnosis, trancework, and even drugs as a way to retrieve memories of past lives. The idea that you could retrieve lost memories made it way into ufology communities, where people tried to remember alien abductions. It also got into actual psychology, with therapists attempting to help patients retrieve lost early life memories. There was never any real evidence that these practices actually worked the way these people thought they did, and today we know that you can get people to confabulate memories of just about anything under the right circumstances. (If you need evidence, I can show you some very obvious examples here and here.)

Edit to add: In 1952, the book The Manchurian Candidate came out. It was basically a political thriller about a guy who'd been captured by Russians and brainwashed into being their secret assassin, complete with special triggers to activate his programming and everything. This had everything to do with the US painting communism as something subversive that people were sinisterly brainwashed into. In 1962, a film adaptation was released to theaters.

In the 1950s, Dr. Cornelia Wilbur started treating her patient Shirley Mason for seeming DID. (Which, Mason did not actually have.) Dr. Wilbur was extremely irresponsible and unprofessional in general, and very notably gave Mason sodium pentothal to help her remember. (Yikes!) Dr. Wilbur would push the baseless myth that DID could only be caused by severe childhood abuse (such as SA), and push drugs and hypnosis as methods for finding said abuse if the patients didn't seem to remember it. The 1973 book Sybil was based on Wilbur and Mason.

In the 1970s, radio host, notorious prankster, and platformer of weird fringe content Long John Nebel apparently started using hypnosis on his wife, Candy Jones to try and figure out the reason for her mental health issues. Supposedly, he helped her "remember" being a CIA agent, whose alter Arlene had been trained as a spy. The 1976 book The Control of Candy Jones describes what they supposedly uncovered. Also, here's an article that talks about some of their claims, and the context around what happened.

Also in the 1970s, Dr. Lawrence Pazder (who was inspired by Sybil) attempted to find the source of his patient Michelle Smith's issues by helping her remember supposedly lost memories. Under his coaching, Smith "remembered" being abused by a Satanic cult. They didn't use hypnosis as most of us know it, but Smith was putting herself into a kind of trance. Now like, this whole book is extremely discredited. They made a lot of claims that were very easy to check, and each time somebody checked said claims, it turned out they were full of shit. Like just for one example, her school yearbook picture from the year she was supposedly being tortured by the cult doesn't show any sign of the abuses she claims she was suffering, which would have been very, very obvious.

Then in 1988, Mark Philips used hypnosis on Cathy O'Brien to help her "remember" being a mind-controlled slave for the New World Order under the CIA program Project Monarch. They published what O'Brien supposedly remembered in the 1995 book Trance-Formation of America. O'Brien claimed that she and her daughter were tortured to induce DID, with the alters being programmed to carry out specific tasks for the CIA/NWO. The whole thing was an extremely racist crock of pure conspiracy theory bullshit; it claimed, for example, that the NWO was letting Mexicans ruin America and shipping white women off to Saudi Arabia as sex slaves.

In 1994, Fritz Springmeier used hypnosis on Cisco Wheeler to supposedly uncover her memories as a member of the NWO/Illuminati. In their three books published across the mid to late 90's, Springmeier and Wheeler gave an incredibly elaborate narrative around alter programming, incorporating elements from just about every other conspiracy theory you can name. They claimed alter programming was an ancient practice developed by pagan priests, and used in modern times by a global cult that intended to enthrone the Antichrist in the year 2000. The pair of them made so many claims that are absolutely beyond ludicrous, and I posted a sample of them over here.

Basically everyone who claims that alter programming is a real thing these days is downstream of Springmeier and Wheeler, whether they realize it or not. One reason we know this is that a lot of them cite a blogger who calls herself Svali, or cite people who cite Svali (such as Dr. Alison Miller and Dr. Ellen Lacter). Svali first popped up in the early 2000s claiming to be a former Illuminati/NWO programmer. She described the same kind of Illuminati and the same kind of practices as Springmeier and Wheeler. If you need examples, here she is claiming that color, metal, and jewel programming are things. And here she is claiming Disney moves are made for Illuminati programming.

Unwelcome Ozian is another clear case of someone who's getting their material from Springmeier and Wheeler; for example, their book Chainless Slaves not only describes the same methods and styles of alter programming; it even reproduces complete paragraphs from Springmeier and Wheeler's work. Edit to add: Unwelcome Ozian's other book, Rules of Programming, reproduces material not only from Springmeier and Wheeler's work, but also from a lot of literature on topics such as abuse, cults, and self-help in general. I have a post exposing this over here.

Basically, the whole idea of alter programming/trauma-based mind control has a long, long history of medical malpractice, pseudoscience, fraud, and conspiracy theory behind it. It just doesn't take very long to start finding it once you actually start digging. Meanwhile, real evidence just never turns up, and what we do find often just flat-out contradicts these claims. Like, many people who claim to have undergone brutal tortures or major surgeries at the hands of programmers don't have the scars to show for it. The sites, tools, and costumes for the elaborate rituals described by a lot of these people are just never found.

What's very notably missing are technical manuals for the actual programming process. I'm talking about literature that fully describes the actual procedures in full, step-by-step detail, rather than the vague, suggestive descriptions you find in conspiracist literature. The fact that nothing of the sort has ever turned up anywhere you might expect it to in over seventy years is pretty damning, because this isn't the kind of thing that a bunch of random, unconnected people would just independently invent on their own.

Meanwhile, what very demonstrably does exist are therapists who still believe the in the pseudoscience and misinformation pushed by Dr. Wilbur, Dr. Pazder, etc, who will push people both with and without actual DID to try and uncover repressed memories. There are websites and articles that suggest guided imagery and hypnosis for retrieving memories you think you might have suppressed. There are hypnosis videos on YouTube that will supposedly help you recover repressed memories. We have clear cases of memory confabulation within the New Age movement, where people vividly "remember" traumatic events that very obviously never happened because they take place in non-existent places such as Lemuria and incorporate narratives from the pseudoscientific and racist ancient astronaut hypothesis.

So, hopefully this should answer things. I tried to keep this post as short as possible, but there's just a lot of history and context here. The very, very short version of this is that there are a lot of misled people who've unknowingly run afoul of 20th century conspiracy theories and psychiatric quackery.

[gatekeeper-watchman]

Good morning, USA and the World Daily Devotionals for November 6, 2024

Proverbs: God's Wisdom for Daily Living

Devotional Scripture:

Proverbs 27:20 (KJV): 20 Hell and destruction are never full; so, the eyes of man are never satisfied. Proverbs 27:20 (AMP): 20 Sheol (the place of the dead) and Abaddon (the place of destruction) are never satisfied; so (the lust of) the eyes of man is never satisfied.

Thought for the Day

Worldly lusts, idolatry and power oppose God's will. Look around you and see what’s going on. Those who yield to them are never satisfied, just as hell is always hungry for more inhabitants. Lust can never be satisfied. Our Heavenly Father gave us elections as a motorization of our wickedness. He allows us to see the evil and distaste in others for a reason. "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth forever" (1 John 2:16-17).

Satan tempts us in three areas of lust, idolatry and power; by using the same lie he told Adam and Eve. We can benefit from studying how this hostile fallen angel struck at God through the man and woman He had created and loved: "...And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat" (Genesis 3:4-6).

Notice Satan's method of tempting Adam and Eve. First, he challenged God's Word and cast doubt upon His judgment and goodness. Next, he placed three temptations before her through the lust of the flesh (Eve saw that "the tree was good for food"), the lust of the eyes (it was "pleasant to the eyes"), and the pride of life (it was "a tree to be desired to make one wise"). Our desires for the things of the world tempt us today as stated in James 1:14: "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed." The "world" consists of the systems of fallen human society without God: education, science, arts, religious systems, politics, etc. This "world" is controlled by Satan. Many of us do not realize that when we touch the things that make up fallen society, we touch the power of Satan. Therefore, we become independent in the way that we use them, if we do not put them under the power and direction of God. God does not want to deny us these things, but if we do not allow Him to rule over us as we partake of them, they become like forbidden fruit to us.

I do not believe that God intended to forever deny man access to the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, but He had a plan that would have opened his eyes to good and evil in time; when human beings had matured enough to be able to live with that knowledge. By eating prematurely from that tree, it brought death instead of wisdom, just as God warned. Physical death did not come immediately, but spiritual death did, as man could no longer face God. Fear and shame are the fruit of sin. If we fellowship with God on a daily basis, we find that there is simply no guilt that troubles us. However, when we sin and do not repent, we run from the presence of God just as Adam and Eve did.

Prayer Devotional for the Day

Dear heavenly Father, we thank you for all the wonderful things You created in this world for us to enjoy. Lord, I know when You restrict anything from us, it is for our good, and because You love us. Help us to understand but not yield to the temptations to go beyond the boundaries that You have set for mankind in Your Word. Deliver us from all lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and the pride within its greed of this life that may set our eyes on eternal things and hold loosely the things of this world and use them for Your glory. We ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen. Wednesday, November 6, 2024, Jacksonville, Florida USA From: Steven P. Miller, @ParkermillerQ,gatekeeperwatchman.org , TM ‎Founder and Administrator of Gatekeeper-Watchman International Groups. #GWIG, #GWIN, #GWINGO. www.facebook.com/gatekeeperwatchnan www.facebook.com/ Instagram: steven_parker_miller_1956

[pyxes]

BUCKLE UP FEW FOLLOWERS/MUTUALS WHO INTERACT WITH MY POST... because right now is a good time for me to tell you all the tale of Idaho’s cannibalism law and the still very much relevant christian-fascist fear of anything that goes outside their bubble.

Idaho House code 18-5003 is perhaps my favorite part of history because it’s one of the most unknown but most jarring example of moral panic and is comparable to what we see today with Q-Anon, MAGA, and even general republican politics. I am going to try to keep this as short as possible but that might be a hard for me (post writing warning this is like...super long but also super cool and interesting). Like I said, I am completely entrenched in this part of history so I may go off rail a couple times.

To preface, Idaho is the only state in the union that explicitly has a law outlawing cannibalism. There is nothing like it in any other state which, when hearing this, people are generally shocked. The law states:

18-5003.  CANNIBALISM DEFINED — PUNISHMENT. (1) Any person who wilfully [sic] ingests the flesh or blood of a human being is guilty of cannibalism. 

(2)  It shall be an affirmative defense to a violation of the provisions of this section that the action was taken under extreme life-threatening conditions as the only apparent means of survival. 

(3)  Cannibalism is punishable by imprisonment in the state prison not exceeding fourteen (14) years.

One would expect this to be cause by some crazed cannibalistic maniac but no. In 1990, it was caused by an orchestrated nationwide fear that “satanist” (use context clues on who was labeled as such) would kidnap children-specifically white, Protestant, blue eyed, blonde hair, girls-who would then be sacrificed. We know this now as a product of the Satanic Panic of the 80's-90's. But where does the Satanic Panic and fear for our little Suzy’s life come from????

Well with all terrible things in contemporary American history the vast majority of this goes back to gross, disgusting, turkey-neck Reagan. I know. Yuck. Don’t have to tell me twice. But to understand more we have to go back a little further to the Vietnam Era and the Jesus Freak Movement.

The fundamental idea of the Jesus Freak Movement was to break away from the period typical charismatic Protestantism. The "Freaks" were generally peaceful but a few bad seeds lit the fuse for what would become the early aughts of the Satanic Panic. Two of the most notable are The Manson Family and Jim Jones' Jonestown, both of which used New-Age Christianity to further their dark self-fulfilling prophecies. Because of this, anti-cult organizations began to form and would label anyone with differing opinions from, again, charismatic-fundi Protestantism, as "devil worshippers". These organizations really did nothing to help victims, nor did they care, they only served a purpose to yap and uphold Christian Morality.

Okay, so with that out of the way, it's time to talk about the man who unfortunately survived a gunshot, Ronald Reagan. Even with the recent assassination attempt, Reagan was dropping in the 1882 mid-term polls. He was not a good man but he was a good grifter, like what we have currently been witnessing with Donald Trump. Seeing that he needed to align with something he sought refuge in the growing Religious Right movement, even though he was the first president to not attend church while in the whitehouse. His “griftey-ness” seemed genuine to some, especially Protestant Evangelical America. This is because of three calculated speeches at the National Religious Broadcast, the National Prayer Breakfast, and the National Association of American Evangelicals. These speeches would regain confidence in Reagan and would give way to a new political group to rise, the Moral Majority.  

After this alignment with the Religious Right, Reagan was to the average American W.A.S.P (White, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant) as John F. Kenndey was to the average Irish American Catholic. And if you have ever met and old Irish Catholic lady, you know they SALIVATED at the meer image of sexy John EVEN before he was president. Before Reagan, the Moral Majority was a right-wing movement whose relevance could be compared to a child putting their fingers in their ears and going “la-la-la”. The movement was founded by known anti-semite, Teletubby hating, sexual abuse defending, televangelist, Jerry Laymon Falwell Sr in the late 1970's. The Moral Majority was a loud but ignored group until Falwell’s association with Ronald Reagan. 

Falwell saw how moldable Reagan was and would personally invite him to speak at the National Religious Broadcaster Conference of 1982 previously discussed. He would use Ronald Reagan as a tool to further legislation that made his world more comfortable for him. SOUND FAMILIAR???? The moral majority had one mission and that was to create a ginormous red voting block that upheld conservative Christian ideals. These ideals really have not changed much from today with them focusing on a “traditional”, nuclear, bible abiding family. Traditional meaning strict heterosexual gender roles with males at the helm that we all know and are disturbed by.

One aspect of the Falwell’s Protestant Christianity, also referred to as charismatic Protestantism, is the idea of eschatology. While yes, all Abrahamic religions believe in eschatology, Falwell’s version was much more extreme. Instead of pondering of what happens with one's soul after they die, Charismatic Christianity cranks an imaginary biblical dial up to its max setting. Anyone who did not follow their beliefs were sinners and were bound to go to hell. It was, and still is, quite easy to be persuaded by the Devil, some examples include being gay, trans, Jewish, Muslim, a democrat, not want children, not tithing, playing Dungeons and Dragons, wearing pants if you are a woman, listen to secular music, breathe wrong... the list goes on. All things that deviated from the views of the growing Moral Majority turned into a calculated tabloid sensation that created a real time imaginary world that only served to push their political agenda.

Many of the tabloids were orchestrated in a way that disrupted the white suburban lifestyle institutionalized by the “White flight” of the 1960’s. A good chunk of these rumors was formulated via fear to persuade blue collar workers of the growing divide between them and those who wish to push a liberal agenda. The component of Protestant blue collar workers is important because it is distortional composed of economically stressed people who still held on to traditional American cultural values which affirmed the theology of the Moral Majority. This is still relevant today, I mean look at the voting stats in this years election. Or I don't know listen to you weird uncle who gets his checks garnished talk about how he voted for trump because of "taxes".

There are more blue-collar workers in the nation than televangelist, but the televangelist still persuaded the working class with the teachings of the prosperity gospel because that is the goal of their game. Fear provokes rumors and that was the plan to control the general population at the time. Rumors are created to both satisfy the need to reduce uncertainty and provoke more anxiety. It did not help that at the core of these rumors all held shared beliefs between thousands of people who share the stress of demoralization fronted by Satan.

Besides the views held by the religious right, a book would come out in 1980 that would confirm all the mass rumors surrounding satanic ritual abuse. Now discredited and laughed at, Michelle Remembers is the book that conservative America needed in terms of mass satanic cult confirmation bias. The book was written by “recovered-memory” therapist Lawrence Pazder and details the not-so-true story of his patient and later wife, Michelle Smith. Although the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act was not around at the time the book is straight HIPAA violation after violation. The book is filled with Smith’s accounts of being tortured, sexually abused, and witnessing human sacrifices that she was sometimes forced to be a part of. One of the books many covers plays into the fear of the kidnapped blond-hair blue-eyed child previously discussed, the child is holding a doll surrounded by candles with the eyes of an evil satanist looking down at her ready to sacrifice and consumer her at any given moment. 

Smith’s story set shockwaves and inspired another “victim” of satanic ritual abuse to come forward named Laurel Rose Wilson with her book Satan’s Underground. The two would go on and appear on the Oprah Winfrey show and speak their “truth” and have it confirmed on nationally syndicated television furthering the fears of many. Although both books have been disproven and scrutinized by investigators both books sent a shockwave throughout the globe, with Michelle Remembers being known as the “whistle-blower” book. One of my favorite reviews regarding the book is “Five Baphomet pentagrams for originality and five more for hilarity.” Looking through the lens of today it is easy to call out the embellishments and laugh at Smith and Pazder’s elaborate trolling, but back then this book was truly groundbreaking and instilled more fears in Christian America. DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR ARE WE MAKING CONNECTIONS YET! I mean think of all the brain dead idiots on youtube still claiming to be a victim of satanic ritual abuse.

At this point the Satanic panic has surpassed cult rumors and became a real threat to once secure neighborhoods. Parents began to fear for their children's safety when sending them to school, nowhere was safe from the evil grasp of Satanist. One event regarding this would be a product of the rumors and be the catalyst that ceased the Satanic Panic of the 80’s and 90’s. This event is known as the McMartin Preschool Trials which would later become the longest and most expensive series of criminal trials in American history. The story of the trail starts with Judy Johnson claiming her son was sexually molested by McMartin Preschool employee Ray Buckey. Ray Buckey was soon arrested, and a letter was sent out to the about 200 parents who sent their children to the preschool detailing the alleged acts perpetrated by Buckey.

Quickly receiving this letter, the number of children abused by Buckey reached 360. During the investigation claims were getting muddy with Buckey having an array of costumes, branding children, creating child sexual abuse material and dispersing it to others, slaughtering animals, and any other satanic ritual abuse activity. Buckey was not the only one charged in the case, his mother, sister, as well as several other employees were charged with the same counts as well. All together they had 208 counts of abuse that were a product of cult practices. There were even claims of underground tunnels made to traffic children. Eventually it would come out the children were being coached by investigators to make false claims in regard to what happened at the preschool. In the end all charges but 12 were dropped and the preschool was demolished which can serve as a metaphor for the panic in general. Something created out of falsehoods only to be destroyed by factual evidence based. 

Do I believe the Buckey and others involved were abusing children in the name of Satanic Ritual Abuse? No. But I do believe that something must have happened for a child to recount what happened, persuaded by investigators or not. What could have happened to spark such controversy could take the form of many types of abuse, it does not always need to be sexual abuse is abuse. One thing about children is that while yes, they have very active imaginations they also lack awareness of what being abused is like unless they suffered. It is not a concept they are born with so it should be a red flag to an adult when a child says something relating to being abused. Instead of focusing on the real issue of the claims being made, the parents of McMartin Preschool could not face the reality of abuse being perpetrated by a non-Satanic cult affiliated person with bad intentions. I think the idea of parents automatically blaming Satanic ritual abuse is, well to be frank, disgusting. It takes away from the reality of the situation and gives backswords credence to abuse happening inside their bubble. 

That is where the crux of this super mega long text post lies. People have always refused to acknowledge reality outside of their safety nets. When the reality of their constructed world is broken there is no other way to explain it other than fiction with the intent to blame everyone but themselves. Reading this you can not help but make comparisons to today, most notably with that of Q-Anon and Charismatic Fundamentalist. It feels like every week Q-Anon comes up with a new child-trafficking conspiracy like Pizza-gate/Wayfair-gate, turning Jill Biden's panda costume into some symbol of child abuse, thinking a trans predator is awaiting in every women's bathroom, creating child victims with drag queen story time, etc, all while turning a man (Donald Trump) into a god who has been charged numerous times with abuse of a minor along with his sex-trafficker friend (Jeffery Epstein) who certainly did not kill himself.

These hypocrites all preach the same ideas as Falwell and his Moral Majority constituents: that all those who do not follow their path are monsters out to abuse children, when in reality they do not care about the abuse of children. The state of Idaho does not care about children and is actively pushing legislation to make the lives of women and children more difficult every day. Long before the overturning of Roe v Wade, Idaho governor, chud Brad Little supported sentencing women to death for getting an abortion. Shortly after Roe v Wade was overturned, Idaho immediately put an abortion ban in place, making sure to sign “abortion trafficking” laws that would prosecute anyone who crosses state lines and then followed that by eliminating Idaho’s committee dedicated maternal deaths. Eliminating a committee who’s sole purpose was to understand maternal deaths all while OBGYN’s flee the state the to follow that up by cutting $38 million in state funds dedicated to preventing child abuse while also repeatedly killing bills that would put an end to child marriages in a state with one of the highest rates proves the Brad Little and his cronies do not give a single shit about kids. This obviously is not just an Idaho thing but this is a growing trend across the nation. They only care about ownership. They only care about furthering an agenda to keep their world theirs. Thus, they orchestrate lies to control the masses while they themselves turn them into truth. 

For the few who read this I hope you are now informed and also enjoyed this little history lesson that is doomed to repeat itself. We are all aware of the signs of what is to come but stay strong and do not fall into it. They want you to. Be vigilant and be informed.

[multifunctionalnitroglycerin]

The locked Tomb Series Names and Symbolism #2

Apparently I am going to do more of these... So, today's subject; Anastasia and Samael. Bear with me, for this is going to be a long one.

I will admit that Anastasia and Samel are two of the characters that have most piqued my interest, alongside Cassiopeia, so it's needless to say that I am looking forward to seeing more of them in Alecto, as well as getting some answers. For now, however I would like to comment a bit on my own take for the symbolism Muir might or might not be trying to bring forth with these characters.

We are going to start with Samael first in this post, mostly cause I don't have a lot to say about him. There are only few things I know off the top of my head and they do not really seem relevant but let's do out best, shall we?

We are going to turn to Hebrew lore for this one, and I admit I am not the most well-versed when it comes to this, so feel free to correct me if I have gotten sth wrong. The gist of it is that Samael (meaning Venom of God - thanks wikipedia) is an archangel considered the accuser or adversary, seducer and destroyer. One of his most prominent roles in Jewish lore is that of the Angel of Death, meant to take the soul of Moses, and head of satans. He condones the sin of man, while remaining still a servant of God. In the Greek Apocalypse of Baruch, he is said to have planted the tree of knowledge, thus leading to his banishment. It is also mentioned that he is responsible for tempting Adam and Eve with a snake.

There is probably a lot more going on, but please bear with me. From what we can get from this one however, alongside the scant mentions of Samael in the books (as Anastasia's cavalier, whom John had to kill because sth went wrong, and someone Alecto carries some grief/guilt over "I am so sorry about Samael") I think we can assume that to some degree at least, Samael opposed what John stood for, with or without actively standing against him. A safe assumption to make considering that he risked partaking in Anastasia's new formula of ascension (which also speaks of the immense amount of trust he placed in his necromancer). I do think however, that he was a bit more vocal about his distaste in John's Method of achieving Lyctorhood, possibly even campaigning in favor of Anastasia and Cassiopeia's research. Or he would have supported it, seducing more people into it, had he lived. I would also like to address the "planted the tree of knowledge" bit, here. Because it would be awfully fitting, if said tree of knowledge was the fruits of Anastasia and Cassiopeia's labor. If said tree of knowledge was that necromancers didn't have to kill and consume their cavaliers in order to ascend, or proof that John's way was not the only way. That of course plays into the narrative that John is in fact a pathetic little man that is spectacular at manipulating events and rewriting history the way he wants it to be written, while still being a pathetic little man. (I swear he is so good at making you forget just how much grief he has caused, just how vindictive he can be.) So much like God banishing Samael, John kills Anastasia's cavalier during the haze of ascension claiming that something went wrong and he had to at least save Anastasia. (I am not entirely convinced that all of this is a lie, and I have a theory that Alecto could have played a role in something actually going wrong, unknowingly aiding John's goal)

One more thing I want to say about Samael that perhaps contradicts what I have so far written, is that note in the lore that he condones the sin of Man while remaining a servant of God. And I think that if we translate this in our case, TLT Samael, probably loved and respected John as his God, while campaigning and promoting the sin of man, which in this case, is lyctorhood without sacrifice. And that makes his death, if he was ignorant of what happened during it, all the more tragic and all the more beautiful.

Now to the Angel of death and leader of the satans thing. We all remember those demons that appeared in the end of NtN right? Now, this might be ridiculously far-fetched because to our knowledge Samael is dead right? (Who tells us this I wonder, and how do they learn of it?How accurate of a narrator are they? How reliable their source?) BUT what if, in John's killing Samael while within the eight fold world something went wrong? Something no one could anticipate? And Samael is not quite as dead as we think he is? Could he be the leader of these Demons in Antioch, sworn to destroy God for what he forced upon him and his necromancer and so many others before and after them? Does he retain cognition of who he once was? Does he not? Is he altered to really resemble a demon as we know them in lore? Or is he really dead and the echo of that disruption of the Eight- Fold word spawns those demons?

I don't know about you people but I am looking forward to unearthing some truths in Alecto.

Anastasia will be in a separate post, because this would end up being huge otherwise. Have a merry little Christmas people and take care of yourselves!

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

Who is the Greatest?

24 An argument broke out among the disciples as to which one of them should be thought of as the greatest. 25 Jesus said to them, "The kings of the pagans have power over their people, and the rulers claim the title "Friends of the People.' 26 But this is not the way it is with you; rather, the greatest one among you must be like the youngest, and the leader must be like the servant. 27 Who is greater, the one who sits down to eat or the one who serves? The one who sits down, of course. But I am among you as one who serves. 28 "You have stayed with me all through my trials; 29 and just as my Father has given me the right to rule, so I will give you the same right. 30 You will eat and drink at my table in my Kingdom, and you will sit on thrones to rule over the twelve tribes of Israel. 31 "Simon, Simon! Listen! Satan has received permission to test all of you, to separate the good from the bad, as a farmer separates the wheat from the chaff. 32 But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith will not fail. And when you turn back to me, you must strengthen your brothers." 33 Peter answered, "Lord, I am ready to go to prison with you and to die with you!" 34 "I tell you, Peter," Jesus said, "the rooster will not crow tonight until you have said three times that you do not know me." — Luke 22:24-34 | Good News Translation (GNT) Good News Translation® (Today’s English Version, Second Edition) © 1992 American Bible Society. All rights reserved. Cross References: Job 1:6; Job 2:1; Matthew 5:3; Matthew 5:10; Matthew 18:1; Matthew 19:28; Matthew 20:25-26; Matthew 20:28; Matthew 23:11; Matthew 26:33-34; Mark 9:34; Mark 10:41-42; Mark 14:29; Luke 12:37; Luke 22:16; Luke 22:35; Luke 22:61; John 17:9; John 17:15; Hebrews 2:18; Hebrews 4:15

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Notes: This portion of Scripture teaches that true greatness is found in humility and serving others, and not in power or status. Jesus demonstrated this by washing the feet of his disciples, including Judas his betrayer.

[frmartinshomiliesandreflections]

15th September >> Fr. Martin's Homilies/Reflections on Today's Mass Readings for The Twenty Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time (B) (Inc. John 8:27-35): ‘Who do you say I am?’

Twenty Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time (B)

Gospel (Except USA) Mark 8:27-35 The Son of Man is destined to suffer grievously.

Jesus and his disciples left for the villages round Caesarea Philippi. On the way he put this question to his disciples, ‘Who do people say I am?’ And they told him. ‘John the Baptist,’ they said ‘others Elijah; others again, one of the prophets.’ ‘But you,’ he asked ‘who do you say I am?’ Peter spoke up and said to him, ‘You are the Christ.’ And he gave them strict orders not to tell anyone about him. And he began to teach them that the Son of Man was destined to suffer grievously, to be rejected by the elders and the chief priests and the scribes, and to be put to death, and after three days to rise again; and he said all this quite openly. Then, taking him aside, Peter started to remonstrate with him. But, turning and seeing his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said to him, ‘Get behind me, Satan! Because the way you think is not God’s way but man’s.’ He called the people and his disciples to him and said, ‘If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross and follow me. For anyone who wants to save his life will lose it; but anyone who loses his life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.’

Gospel (USA) Mark 8:27–35 You are the Christ.…the Son of Man must suffer greatly.

Jesus and his disciples set out for the villages of Caesarea Philippi. Along the way he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that I am?” They said in reply, “John the Baptist, others Elijah, still others one of the prophets.” And he asked them, “But who do you say that I am?” Peter said to him in reply, “You are the Christ.” Then he warned them not to tell anyone about him. He began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer greatly and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and rise after three days. He spoke this openly. Then Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. At this he turned around and, looking at his disciples, rebuked Peter and said, “Get behind me, Satan. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.” He summoned the crowd with his disciples and said to them, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and that of the gospel will save it.”

Homilies (6)

(i) Twenty Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time

We have all had to answer questions in the course of our lives. Some questions can be answered easily and quickly, without too much consideration. Other questions require us to reflect carefully before we give an answer. Then, there are other questions that people have kept returning to over the centuries, without getting a full answer. These questions continue to call out to us and move us to keep reflecting.

The first question that Jesus asked his disciples in today’s gospel reading was easy to answer. ‘Who do people say I am?’ The disciples knew what people were saying about Jesus; he was John the Baptist, Elijah or one of the prophets. The second question Jesus asked required more thought, ‘But you, who do you say I am?’ Peter answered Jesus’ question on behalf of the other disciples, ‘You are the Christ’, the long-awaited Jewish Messiah. Jesus did not dispute this title, but it was an ambiguous title that had different meanings for different people. When Jesus went on to speak of himself as the Son of Man who was destined to suffer grievously and who would soon be put to death. Peter’s very negative reaction to what Jesus said showed that this wasn’t the kind of Messiah he had in mind. Peter was thinking of a glorious, triumphant, Messiah. Jesus’ subsequent rebuke of Peter, ‘Get behind me, Satan!’, must have shaken Peter to the core. Peter wanted Jesus to be spared suffering and Jesus probably wanted to be spared suffering too, which is why he experienced Peter’s negative reaction as a strong temptation that he had to firmly reject. Jesus knew that if was to be true to his mission to reveal God’s love for all, he would have to travel the way of the cross. Peter had a lot to learn about who Jesus really was.

The question Jesus put to his disciples is addressed to us all, ‘Who do you say I am?’ It is one of those questions we never answer fully in this life. When it comes to Jesus we always have more to learn, more to see, and that will be so until that eternal moment beyond this earthly life when we will see him face to face, and we will know him as fully as he now knows us. It is clear from Jesus’ rebuke to Peter that if we are to really know who Jesus is we have to look upon the suffering Son of Man. When we look upon Jesus on the cross, what do we see? We see someone whose loving commitment to God and to all humanity was so complete that he was prepared to lose everything for it. We see someone who stood ready to lose his life for our sake and for the sake of the gospel that he preached. Some years ago, there was a book written by an Irish Benedictine monk called, ‘This Tremendous Lover’. It is above all on the cross that Jesus reveals himself to be a tremendous lover, someone who loves us with a love that is faithful even when we fail him, a love that endures to the end and beyond into eternity. As Jesus hung from the cross there was an explosion of God’s love for all humanity, for each one of us. We can each say with Saint Paul in his letter to the Galatians, ‘I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me’. When Peter rebuked Jesus for suggesting that he would be a suffering Messiah, he hadn’t yet understood the depth of Jesus’ love for him and for all. Genuine human love has the power to draw us in. Jesus once said, ‘When I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw all people to myself’. We are drawn to Jesus on the cross not because we are fascinated by suffering but because we sense the power of God’s love drawing us. Saint Paul once wrote of Christ crucified as ‘the power of God and the wisdom of God’.

In the gospel reading, Jesus goes on to say, ‘If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let them renounce themselves, take up their cross and follow me’. Jesus wasn’t talking about passively accepting the sufferings and losses that come our way in life. He was calling on us to commit ourselves in love to him and to each other, just as he has committed himself in love to us, and to be true to that loving commitment even though it may mean the way of the cross, a dying to ourselves. It is a call to be his faithful disciple just as he has shown himself to be our faithful Shepherd. He is calling on us to keep choosing to serve him in love by our loving service of others, especially those in greatest need, as James in the second reading reminds us. This will often mean denying ourselves and taking up the cross, in the sense of saying ‘no’ to our natural love of ease, comfort and convenience. Yet, this is the way of Jesus and he promises us that if we follow in his way we will save our lives. We will be fully alive in the here and now and we will inherit the fullness of life beyond death.

And/Or

(ii) Twenty Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time

We are familiar with the saying that ‘actions speak louder than words’. What people do is more revealing of who they are than what they say. If people say one thing and do another, it is what they do that ultimately shapes our perception of them. St James in the second reading expresses his conviction that our relationship with God is revealed much more by how we behave than by what we say. He is rather dismissive of those who say ‘I have faith’ and yet, as he puts it, have ‘never done a single good act’. James implies that if our relationship with the Lord, our faith, is worth anything, it has to find expression in the ways we relate to others, especially to those who are in greater need than ourselves.

Jesus would not have disagreed with James in this regard. He was critical of those who say ‘Lord, Lord’ and, yet, do not do the will of his heavenly Father. He once spoke a parable in which the son who told his father that he would not go into the vineyard to work, but subsequently changed his mind and went, is to be preferred to the son who told his father that he would go into the vineyard, but subsequently did not do so. When it comes to our relationship with the Lord, actions do speak louder than words.

Yet, today’s gospel reading suggests that for Jesus, words and what we mean by them are important in assessing the quality of our relationship with God. When Jesus asked his disciples ‘Who do you say that I am?’ Peter spoke up on behalf of them all and declared, ‘You are the Messiah’. At one level, these words of Peter were perfectly acceptable. Jesus was the long-awaited Jewish Messiah. Yet, at another level, what Peter meant by these words, how Peter was thinking, was completely at odds with how Jesus was thinking. When Jesus went on to reveal that as Messiah he would also be the suffering and rejected Son of Man, Peter rebuked him. This was not the kind of Messiah Peter had in mind at all. He clearly did not see himself as the follower of a crucified Messiah. Peter’s rebuke of Jesus earned Peter an even stronger rebuke from Jesus, ‘Get behind me, Satan! Because the way you think is not God’s way but man’s’. Jesus was very critical of the way Peter was thinking, Peter’s mindset – a mindset that revealed itself in what Peter said and would subsequently reveal itself in what Peter and the other disciples did, when they took flight at the time of Jesus’ passion.

Today’s gospel reading suggests that Jesus was very interested in the mindset that was at the root of how people both spoke and acted. He wanted his followers to have God’s mindset on things, God’s perspective. That is why Jesus invested a lot of time and energy in teaching his disciples. In his teaching he was trying to communicate his own mindset and perspective to his disciples, so that his mindset would become theirs as well. In today’s gospel reading Jesus teaches that remaining true to God’s calling and getting involved in God’s work will often mean travelling the way of the cross. He was teaching his followers that they must be ready to choose that way, if remaining faithful to God’s values, as Jesus reveals them, requires it. Faced with such teaching, Jesus’ disciples showed themselves to be reluctant learners. They resisted his teaching; Jesus struggled to shift their very human way of thinking.

If today’s second reading declares that how we act is more significant than how we speak, in revealing our relationship with God, the gospel reading suggests that more important than both is how we think. Our way of thinking about God, our understanding of God, will invariably influence what we say and what we do. A distorted understanding of God can do great damage, as we know.

Thinking correctly about God has always been a value within Christianity from the beginning. We are encouraged to bring our minds to bear on who God is, who Jesus is, on what it means to be a follower of Jesus. Our faith must always be a faith that seeks understanding. When it comes to God and God’s Son all of us remain learners, including those who have the ministry of teaching within the church. This kind of learning is not just a human endeavour; it has to be a graced endeavour. Paul says in his first letter to the Corinthians: ‘No one comprehends what is truly God’s except the Spirit of God… we have received the Spirit that is from God, so that we may understand the gifts bestowed on us by God’. We need the light of the Holy Spirit if we are to think in God’s way and, out of that, to speak and act in God’s way.

In today’s gospel reading, Jesus calls on Peter and the other disciples to change their way of thinking. That change Jesus called for was a long time in coming, according to Mark’s gospel. Jesus’ efforts to teach his disciples continued to meet with resistance. Yet, he persevered with them. We too can be slow learners when it comes to the things of God. Yet, the Lord perseveres with us; he remains our teacher; he continues to give us the Spirit of Truth who will lead us into the complete truth. What he looks for from us is the openness to being led.

And/Or

(iii) Twenty Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time

We are aware from our own experience just how difficult it is to really know someone. Even those who have been sharing each other’s lives for many years don’t necessarily know each other fully. We can struggle to know ourselves fully, never mind knowing someone else. Even when we know ourselves well, revealing ourselves to others, does not always come easy to us.  It can be a struggle to reveal ourselves even to those who are closest to us. There is a lot of talk today about transparency. However, no human being will ever be fully transparent to another human being.

When Jesus asked his disciples the question, ‘Who do people say I am?’ he was checking to see how well people had come to know him. The answers that he received suggested that people had some insight into who he was, although a rather limited one. Jesus was neither Elijah, nor John the Baptist nor one of the prophets, although he had something in common with all of them. Jesus then went on to ask a more probing question of his disciples, ‘Who do you say that I am?’ Jesus would have expected that his own disciples would have had a fuller insight into his identity. Jesus had chosen them to be with him; they had seen and heard a lot of him. Jesus’ expectations were, initially, not disappointed. Peter gave a more satisfactory answer to the question of Jesus’ identity than people at large were giving, ‘You are the Christ, the Messiah’. Peter was right. Jesus was the long awaited Jewish Messiah.

However, it soon became clear that Peter did not in fact know Jesus very well. If we struggle to know those closest to us and, even, to know ourselves, it is not surprising that people struggled, and continue to struggle, to know Jesus. If there is more to each of us than meets the eye or ear, there was certainly more to Jesus than met the eye or ear. The question that Jesus addressed to his disciples, ‘Who do you say I am?’ is addressed to all of us. We would probably all give somewhat different answers to that question, but one thing is certain, none of the answers would be completely adequate. If coming to know someone close to us is an adventure, a journey with many twists and turns, coming to know the Lord is an even greater adventure and an even longer journey. It is an adventure worth heading into, a journey worth taking on. An important part of our baptismal calling is to come to know the Lord with our head and with our heart. Jesus has revealed himself to us, and continues to reveal himself to us in and through the Holy Spirit. Of course, we will only know the Lord fully when we see him face to face. He will always remain something of a mystery to us on this side of eternity.

This morning’s gospel reading shows that, even though Peter showed some insight into Jesus at Caesarea Philippi, Jesus remained a mystery to Peter. Yes, Peter knew that Jesus was the Christ, the Messiah, but he had no idea about the kind of Messiah that Jesus would become. Immediately after Peter’s moment of insight into Jesus, Jesus went on to reveal a little more about himself. He spoke of himself as the Son of Man who was destined to suffer grievously, to be rejected by the religious leaders of the time, and to be put to death. This was not the kind of Messiah Peter had in mind, and so he took Jesus aside and began to rebuke him. Peter had his own image of Jesus and what Jesus was saying did not fit that image. Peter’s reaction to Jesus is not unlike how we react to each other. We can have a certain image of people, and we expect them to fit that image. When they show themselves to be more mysterious, more complex, than our image of them, we can be slow to accept them. Peter struggled to accept a Messiah who had to travel the way of the cross. Perhaps he understood that following such a Messiah would mean that he himself would have to travel that same way of the cross. However, Jesus cannot be fully understood apart from the cross. His death reveals who he is more fully even that his life. His death reveals Jesus to be someone who was totally faithful to God and to all God’s people; it is above all his death that reveals the quality of Jesus’ love for God and for all of us. It is not surprising then that the cross has become the dominant symbol of Christianity.

Because Jesus had to travel the way of the cross, he calls on us, his followers, to take up our cross after him. Taking up our cross is not passively accepting every misfortune that comes our way. The language of ‘taking up our cross’ suggests freely choosing the cross. Following Jesus, remaining faithful to him and to his values, will always mean freely choosing the more loving path for his sake. The more loving path will often be the more difficult path, the way of the cross, but it will also be the path of life, both for us and for others.

And/Or

(iv) Twenty Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time

I think we would all agree that it is never easy to get to know someone really well. A husband and wife who have lived together for many years probably know each other really well. They have come to know each other’s qualities and limitations and have learnt to accept one another. Likewise, two people who have been friends for years will have come to know one another really well. They will have come to some measure of mutual acceptance and appreciation. The number of people we could claim to know really well in life is probably quite small. Even those we know well can continue to surprise us. We can discover a side to them that we never noticed before. We can suddenly be reminded of the extraordinary mystery of the other person, struck by the otherness of the person whom we have come to know and love. We realize more clearly that the other person is different to me and will always remain a mystery to me, even though I know them as well as I know anyone.

If we were to ask someone who really knew us, ‘Who do you say that I am?’ and then asked that person to write a couple of paragraphs answering that question, we would certainly recognize ourselves in what they would write. Yet, it is likely that we would also recognize that there are sides to us that are not present in the description. There is always so much more to us than someone’s account of us, even the account of someone who knows us deeply. In the gospel reading this morning Jesus asks his disciples two questions. The first was, ‘Who do people say that I am?’ The answers the disciples gave were fine in so far as they went, ‘John the Baptist, Elijah, one of the prophets’. Jesus was a prophetic figure who proclaimed God’s word. Yet, to say that Jesus was a great prophet, which is what Moslems say of Jesus, does not go far enough. Jesus then asked his disciples the more probing question, ‘Who do you say that I am?’ Peter’s answer went beyond the answers that other people had given, ‘You are the Christ, the Messiah’. Peter was saying to Jesus, ‘you are the Jewish Messiah, the one we have been waiting for, the one whose coming the prophets foretold’.  Yet, in spite of the very good answer that Peter gave to Jesus’ question, he really did not know Jesus at all. The term ‘Messiah’ meant different things to different people. Probably Peter thought of a Messiah in the tradition of king David who had established a kingdom, having defeated all Israel’s enemies. Jesus would do the same, driving the Roman occupying power from the land. This was not the kind of Messiah Jesus understood himself to be. At this point in this ministry he understood that far from leading a movement to drive out the Romans, he would end up on a Roman cross, crucified like a common criminal. Faithfulness to his mission would cost him his life. When Jesus began to articulate this reality Peter rebuked Jesus. This was not Peter’s idea of a Messiah. Peter could not accept the otherness of Jesus, the mystery of Jesus’ identity. Peter was comfortable telling Jesus who he was, but when Jesus began to reveal who he really was and what that entailed Peter became distinctly uncomfortable.

We probably all find it easier telling people who they are than listening to people tell us who they really are. In particular, we can struggle to hear the story of someone’s brokenness, especially if our picture of them has been one that doesn’t allow for that. Peter wasn’t able to hear Jesus talking about himself as a broken, failed, rejected Messiah. It was really only after the resurrection that Peter and the disciples were able to come to terms with such brokenness, such failure. It can be a struggle for us to accept failure and brokenness in others and also to accept our own brokenness. Jesus could accept his own failure, his own brokenness, because he trusted in God as one who would make him whole. Because he could accept his own failure, his own brokenness, he was at home with the failure and brokenness of others. The broken, the failures of this world, flocked to him, and in his presence they came alive. We will more easily accept our own brokenness and failures if we know in our heart of hearts that we too can approach the Lord as one who can make us whole. The Eucharist has been described as bread broken for a broken people. The Lord who was broken on the cross for us is present in the Eucharist as our Life-Giver. We approach the Lord in the Eucharist in our own brokenness asking to be made whole, and asking also for the grace to be able to sit with others in their brokenness.

And/Or

(v) Twenty Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time

It is central to our nature as human beings to ask questions. We ask questions about our world, about others, about ourselves, about God. A great deal of our lives is driven by the search to have our questions answered. It is often the case that the answer to a question generates a host of other questions, and so the search goes on. Some of our questions, those relating to the big mysteries of life, are not easily answered. We discover that we have to live with a lot of unanswered questions. We hope that in the glorious light of eternity all our questions will be finally answered. As Paul says in his first letter to the Corinthians, ‘Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known’.

Jesus asks many questions of others during his public ministry. Some of his questions are very probing, such as his opening question in the gospel of John, addressed to the disciples of John the Baptist, ‘What are you looking for?’ In today’s gospel reading, Jesus asks two questions of his disciples. The first question, ‘Who do people say I am?’ concerns other people’s views of him, which the disciples answer relatively easily. However, the second question is much more probing, ‘Who do you say that I am?’ It is one of those questions of Jesus that hangs in the air for all of us. Each one of us is asked to answer that question for ourselves. It is not just a question that is looking for information. It addresses our heart as well as our head. In asking, ‘Who do you say I am?’ Jesus is asking ‘Who am I for you?’ ‘What place do I have in your life?’ The answer Peter gave to Jesus’ question was factually correct, ‘you are the Christ’. However, Peter’s answer left open the further question of what kind of Christ Jesus would be. Jesus immediately began to give his own answer to that further, underlying, question. He went on to speak of himself as the Son of Man who would suffer grievously, who would be rejected by the religious authorities and be put to death by the Roman authorities, before rising to new life on the third day. This was Jesus’ own answer to the question he put to his disciples. It was an answer that was too painful for Peter to live with. He was much more comfortable telling Jesus who he thought he was, ‘You are the Christ’, than listening to Jesus telling him who he really was, a Christ who would be rejected and be put to death.

We can all find it easier telling people who we think they are than listening to them trying to tell us who they really are. In particular, we can struggle to hear the story of someone’s brokenness, especially when the person speaking matters a great deal to us and has become very significant for us. No one wants to see a friend or a loved one suffer. Peter had left everything to follow Jesus. He wasn’t able to hear Jesus talking about himself as a broken, failed, rejected Christ or Messiah. It was really only after the resurrection that Peter and the disciples were able to come to terms with Jesus’ ignominious death as a rebel king on a Roman cross. It can be a struggle for us to accept failure and brokenness in others. That may be because to struggle at times to accept our own brokenness and failures. Jesus could accept his own pending experience of rejection, failure and brokenness and he could talk about it to those closest to him, because he trusted that God his Father would make him whole again. He believed that out of his suffering and death God would bring new life for himself and for others. Because he could accept the painful reality of his own brokenness and suffering, he was at home with the suffering and brokenness of others. The broken, the rejected, the failures of this world, flocked to him, and, in his presence, they began to become whole again.

We will more easily accept our own brokenness and failures if we know in our heart of hearts that we too can approach the Lord as one who can make us whole, who can bring new life out of our various experiences of suffering and death. The Lord who was broken on the cross for us is present in the Eucharist as our healer and Life-Giver. The Eucharist has been described as bread broken for a broken people. We can approach the Lord in the Eucharist in our own brokenness asking to be made whole again. Strengthened by that encounter with the Lord of life, we are then sent from the Eucharist to bring something of his healing and life-giving presence to those who are broken in body, mind or spirit. This is the kind of active faith that James calls for in today’s second reading, a faith that expresses itself in loving deeds. When, at the end of the gospel reading, Jesus calls on his followers to renounce themselves, to lose their lives for his sake, he is asking us to enter into the spirit of his own self-emptying love which places the well-being of others before our own desires.

And/Or

(vi) Twenty Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time

At least 33 Christians were killed in one week last July during attacks on Atyap villages in Northern Nigeria; four church buildings and 215 homes were burned. The Atyap people are a predominantly-Christian ethnic group. Local sources said Islamic Fulani militants attacked the villages unimpeded over several days. Observers have referred to it as a genocide on Christians. This is just one of many examples of the persecution of Christians throughout the world today.

We are reading from the gospel of Mark these Sundays. Those for whom the evangelist, Mark, was writing, were a persecuted minority living in a pagan society that considered the Christian movement a dangerous superstition. Mark’s gospel was probably written to the church in Rome around the year 70 AD. Many members of that church would have recently taken up their cross to follow Jesus. We know from Roman historians that the Emperor Nero had many Christians crucified after the great fire of Rome in the year 66 AD, because he blamed the fire on them. The first readers of Mark’s gospel knew from experience the truth of Jesus’ saying in today’s gospel reading, ‘If anyone wants to be a follower of mind, let him renounce himself and take up his cross and follow me’. In the past we may have tended to hear those words of Jesus about taking up our cross and following him as a call to accept the crosses life sends us as the will of God. I was reading recently of a teacher who was giving a course on Mark’s gospel. When she came to these words of Jesus, one of her students said that she thought this was one of the most dangerous verses in the Bible. She described how a majority of the women with whom she worked in a shelter for battered women and children thought that by enduring every kind of suffering, including physical and verbal abuse, they were faithfully carrying their cross with Jesus. The teacher was appalled by this misunderstanding of ‘taking up the cross’, but came to realize it wasn’t  uncommon.

The life and message of Jesus calls on us to hunger and thirst for God’s justice, the coming of God’s kingdom, where everyone is treated with profound dignity and respect as beloved sons and daughters of God. We are to mourn with Jesus when those values of God’s kingdom are absent and the vulnerable suffer as a result. In the language of James in today’s second reading, our faith is to express itself in good works, works that transform unjust structures and broken lives for the better. Jesus calls on us to work together, in the power of his Spirit, to alleviate unjust and unnecessary suffering. He assures us that in working to improve the lives of the most vulnerable, we are serving him directly, ‘as long as you did it to the least of these my brothers and sisters, you did to me’. In the parable of the unjust judge, the hero of the story is a widow who has suffered a great injustice but who tenaciously works away until she gets the justice that is due to her. She symbolizes those who hunger and thirst for what is right; she is the person we are all called to be.

The widow didn’t accept the suffering that was unjustly imposed on her but worked with great determination to be rid of it. In the gospel reading, Jesus doesn’t say, ‘if anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let them… accept their cross’. He says, rather, ‘let them take up their cross and follow me’. The language of ‘taking up’ suggests a very active and conscious decision to follow Jesus, even if that means having to travel the way of the cross. He knew that our faithfulness to him, to his values, will sometimes have negative consequences for us. Being his faithful disciple in the world will often be costly. In today’s gospel reading, Peter was very uncomfortable with Jesus speaking about himself as the Son of Man who would have to suffer grievously and be put to death; he took Jesus aside and rebuked him. When Peter’s following of Jesus proved costly to him, he publicly renounced Jesus to protect himself. In the gospel reading, Jesus calls on us to renounce ourselves rather than renounce him, ‘if anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let them renounce themselves…’ Jesus is asking us to voluntarily place our own faithfulness to him above everything else in life.  He is calling on us to be as faithful to him as he has been to us. He was faithful to us unto death. He remained faithful to his mission of revealing God’s unconditional love for all, even though he knew it would put him on a Roman cross. Our faithfulness to the Lord won’t normally have such negative consequences for us. Yet, the living out of our faith can prove costly in various ways. It will often mean saying ‘no’ to what seems to bring us immediate gain. However, Jesus promises us that if we remain faithful to him at such testing moments, we will save our lives, we will become more alive with his own risen life.

Fr. Martin Hogan.

[theprinceofpeacesposts]

There is a reason why believers go through Sufferings

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Rom 8:18

Jesus Christ told us, "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33). In our journey of faith, going through suffering is inevitable. We will indeed go through suffering. Just as Christ suffered, so shall we.

The suffering I'm referring to here is not the suffering humans endure due to sin. There are sufferings people endure as punishment and consequences of their sins and wickedness.

The sufferings of believers and of an unbelievers are different. Job suffered not because he sinned; the Word of God says, "Then the LORD asked Satan, 'Have you considered my servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil.'" (Job 1:8) Job didn't go through suffering because he committed some sin or was cursed. Job's sufferings came for a specific reason.

Jesus Christ also suffered. All the sufferings He endured were for our redemption. I can categorize these sufferings into two types: the sufferings He endured during His crucifixion and the sufferings He experienced because He took on human nature. This sinful nature afflicted our Saviour.

I want us to learn the main reason God allows suffering for His saints on earth. The Word of God says this about Jesus Christ, "Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered." (Hebrews 5:8)

"Obedience" is one of the main reasons God allows suffering. When Satan tempted Job, he said to God, "But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face." (Job 1:11) Job's suffering was brought forth to test his faithfulness and obedience to God. God allowed Job's sufferings to see if he would continue to obey His commandments or sin.

What do you do when you go through suffering and difficult times? What do you say? Do you continue to obey God's commandments? Or do you curse him as how the devil wanted Job to do?

Some Christians can not endure sufferings. There are Christians who, every time they go through difficult situations, must offend God, thinking they will repent later. They lack patience. They fail to follow and obey God's commandments.

Today, I want you to know one thing: Sufferings prepare you for the glory that God has prepared for you. God uses them to build you, and what God desires most is obedience. Let not the sufferings and hardships you go through cause you to offend God. Endure because God has prepared good things for you.

Prayer: Jesus Christ, you endured all sufferings without sinning. I ask you to empower me through the Holy Spirit within me to be obedient to God even in the difficult times of my life. So that I may enter in the glory you have prepared. Amen.

[angeltreasure]

In what way do Guardian angels live among us and what do they do? (I mean I know they’re guardian angels so clue is in the name!) but I mean yeah I’ve never actually thought about this much before so I’m hoping you could educate me a little!!! 🙏🙏💕

Before the concept of time began, all of the angels were created at one moment. God gave them a glimpse of the beatific vision of Heaven, what their exact role would be, and then the vision of what would happen if they said no.

God’s most beautiful and smartest angel called Lucifer (who was likely in the Cherubim choir) became very angry when seeing the beatific vision: that God the Father out of great love would send His only begotten Son Jesus Christ to be fully man AND fully God (John 3:16)… Lucifer was even more furious actually of Jesus’s mother, Mary, who is just human, would be SO full of grace from God that she would be conceived and born without ever having original sin. Her womb had to be pure for the Son of God. The graces from God were so great that all the angels combined and all the saints combined would not much up to even as much as a sigh, in her holiness. Although not God, Mary would be queen of the angels. Lucifer did not like the fact that his own queen would be a woman, a woman that had not only one chance to offer herself as sacrifice but over and over and over, compared to himself. Lucifer wanted all the purity and power to himself that Mary had, he wanted to even take the place of God.

St. Michael the archangel, from the choir of Archangels (the second lowest angel choir) was given the gift from God to cast Satan and other bad angels out of Heaven. St. Michael rose up against Lucifer and said “Who is like God?!”, casting Lucifer and the bad angels out of Heaven, forever, down to earth and eventually hell. Lucifer is then known as Satan. 1/3 of angels fell from the sky that day.

Our guardian angels are in the 9th choir of angels, this choir is called Angels, the lowest choir. The choir called Angels are angels who are ones most around humans. The exact number is unknown. Your own guardian angel said yes to the beatific vision. When your guardian angel said yes, God told them their role would be your guardian, told them who you are, told them to wait until the exact moment you were born to go by your side, and that their one goal is to get you to Heaven.

Once you were born, your guardian angel never left you for a second. He guards your soul. Your guardian angel is purely spirit, he has no body. To most humans, he remains unseen. He protects you from spiritual attacks that you can’t see from the enemy. Your guardian angel can’t take over your free will but, since his one job is to get you to Heaven, he will prompt your mind with inspiration to think and do good and holy things: be a Good Samaritan, pray, go to Mass, go to Confession, find your true vocation, to to Eucharistic Adoration, inspire you to read spiritual books and watch videos of sermons, to have you act out works of mercy, to have you follow the Ten Commandments, to be kind to others, to have pure joy, etc. He waits for you to ask him for help. You can ask him to help you in just about anything. Never leaving your side, he waits for you to speak to him as a friend, for friendship. Since time together in Heaven is a long time, it’s best we get to know our guardian angel. You cannot name your guardian angel because naming him means you have ownership over him, plus God already have him a name which is to be respected. You may call him my guardian angel, or simply, my angel. Start a relationship with your guardian angel today!

I highly recommend you read the book called Send Me Your Guardian Angel.

I also highly recommend Angels and the Supernatural.

[scribeforchrist-blog]

Sheep’s  Amongst Wolves 

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK
=========================

+ Jeremiah 17:7: “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord.
=========================
VERSE OF THE DAY 
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+ Romans 16:17-18   I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. 18 For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites
=========================
SUBJECT: Sheep’s  Amongst Wolves 
=========================
** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **
I AM A SHEEP
I AM WISE
I AM RIGHTEOUS 
I AM FULL OF WISDOM 
********************************
THOUGHTS:
=======================
     We will meet people who are not out to serve Christ. They will seem to have the agenda of serving God, or that they are a Christian, but truly they were placed there to destroy your destiny. Many people are working for the enemy, and they can see what God has placed in you and they are ready to block it. Today's verse says I urge you; he said, “I strongly desired; I encourage you to watch out for people that can cause problems contrary to what you know the word says; these people aren’t serving god, but their plans.”
 Paul warns us that everyone will not want to see us succeed in our walk with God. There are folks out there, that are from the demonic, and they want to cause you to separate from God, and they will do everything they can to give you the wrong word from God. They will even give you information that isn’t true because they are out to stop you from walking in the light and using the anointing that was given to you by God; they want to stop the call you have. Look at this prophet in the bible
 1 King 13:18 The old prophet answered, “I too am a prophet, as you are. And an angel said to me by the word of the LORD: ‘Bring him back with you to your house so that he may eat bread and drink water.’” (But he was lying to him.)
 This prophet didn’t mean this other prophet any good; he lied to him, and the other prophet refused to heed the instructions of God. He already knew what God was telling him to do, and instead of listening to God, he listened to this prophet and he told him wrong. Just because someone carries a title doesn’t mean they know what suits your life. That’s why we must “believe not every spirit but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.” 
    We must pray about new and old people who come and has been in our lives because they are out to destroy what we have with God, and they will do it and move on to the next person. If we aren’t wise to the snares and traps of the devil, that’s why we pray every day and connect with the true vine; the word even tells us that John 15:4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”
    It says we can't bear any fruit without him; we can't do anything without him, so we must remain in Him. To remain in God, we must feed our spirit man daily with the word. We can't destroy Satan by shouting , or with tears and emotion. We can only defeat the spirits he sends our way by speaking the word of God; that’s why we must learn the word of God so that we can grow in discernment, in seeing, and in hearing because if we are ignoring God and ignoring our relationship with him my friends, we will become spiritually dry. We will lose our destiny or calling by doing things that are not of God because we allowed our relationship to die.
   2 Corinthians 11:13-15 For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So, it is no surprise that his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds.
 

It’s people out here right now who are not out to see you succeed in your growth with God; they will deceive you and tell you that your gift of tongues isn’t tongues; they will try to silence you to make you stop praying, and this is what the enemy wants for us all to stop praying in tongues because when we do he then understand what we are speaking to God about but otherwise he can’t understand it, nor can he block so he plants doubts in our heads about it to silence us the Christian walk is real and the things we come against is real but as long as we think that a devil is a small man with a pitchfork and a hat and not see him as what he is , the Bible calls the devil a roaring lion , If we don’t stop and take under consideration of who we are entertain we will forever dwell in a season of non-growth and disbelief. 
   ***Today, we learned about false teachers, false prophets, and destiny stealers; we learned that this is real, and we must pray about the people that are in our lives and are heading our way; the word says Jesus said unto us I send you out as sheep amongst wolves, that the world is dangerous and people will do whatever they can to pressure you from your path look at Peter, Peter said “ Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”
  Jesus immediately rebuked him, and that’s what we must do: rebuke the enemy and stay away from what is false; the enemy wants us not to get to our calling because he knows that once we start walking in the peace of God , in his love ,in his grace ,in his mercy and it’s no way he can stand against the power and the anointing that’s going to be upon our life by God. Children of God, we must be mindful of what we do and who we are around, the enemy will use anyone to place thoughts and bridges between us and God! ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee
========================
PRAYER
========================
Heavenly Father, we thank you for everything; we ask you to help us get through the day, give us wisdom and knowledge so we may understand your word, and remove anyone in our life we shouldn’t be around or listen to. God gives us eyes to see and ears to hear. Lord, protect us from the things of this word. Lord, we are your sheep and we hear your voice , We ask you to direct our steps, and we will heed your voice ,forgive us of the sins we have done; in Jesus Name, Amen 
========================
REFERENCES 
========================
+ Matthew 16:23 Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God but merely human concerns.”

+ Genesis 3:1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field that the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden?'"

+ Acts 20:29 For I know this, that after my departing shall grievous wolves enter in among you, not sparing the flock
========================
FURTHER READINGS 
=========================
Proverbs 5 
1 Chronicles 8
Leviticus 13
2 Chronicles 12
=========================

[ljblueteak]

Paul McCartney on Sgt. Pepper. Photos by Michael Cooper

(transcribed below)

I came up with the title and went to Robert with some drawings for the idea of the cover. I had come to the conclusion that The Beatles were getting a little bit safe, and we were a little intimidated by the idea of making 'the new Beatles album.' It was quite a big thing: "Wow, follow that!" So to relieve the pressure I got the idea, maybe from some from friends or something I'd read, that we shouldn't record it as The Beatles.

Mentally we should approach it as another group of people and totally give ourselves alter egos. So I came up with the idea of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and the song 'It was Twenty Years Ago Today', and I started mentioning this to Robert in our late-night talks.

The original concept was actually a little bit different from how it turned out. I'd always liked those floral clocks that they have at seaside towns; they have a little green bank and put flowers in the shape of a clock. The original idea was that it was going to be a presentation from the Mayor of Middlesbrough or somewhere. There'd be this floral bank and there'd be us there and then at other parts of the cover we were going to have all the band's heroes--they were going to be on a photo, maybe behind the wall or something.

So there were these two ideas that eventually got pushed into one and then I said to everyone, 'OK, who are your favourites?" Marlon Brando was one of the first choices, and James Dean, Monroe--all those obvious ones and then other suggestions started to come in. George came up with all the Hindus, Babaji was his, and then there were things like footballers from our youth, you know, we had little joke things--Albert Stubbins--he's a footballer and so he was in and then it kind of snowballed.

I took all these ideas, the floral clock, the kind of presentation by a mayor, these heroes of ours, and Robert and I went with them to Peter Blake. Peter had all these sculptures of little people around, because he was married to Jann Haworth at the time and Jann was doing all those surfers and things like John Betjeman as a teddy bear and all that, so they crept in there.

The famous flowers that started off as the floral clock then became a guitar and the word 'Beatles'--they weren't marijuana leaves, they just looked like them--and so the Americans thought "Wow, well, this is it, it's all happening." We started shooting the cover and people would say, "Oh, can I come, can I come?" and we let more or less everyone come along, but eventually it got to the point where we had to say, "That's enough!"

So Robert would get all this and he'd show all the Indian stuff to George; and there'd be H.G. Wells and Johnny Weissmuller, Issy Bonn and all those people, and Burroughs would have been a suggestion probably from Robert, and there were a few kind of LA guys that Robert had slipped in. He'd slip in people that we didn't even know but we didn't mind, it was the spirit of the thing.

I don't know how many nights Michael spent on it but we were only there for that one night, the last night. They did all this without us. It was very nice when we turned up and it was all done, but not as impressive as when I saw the cover; just actually looking at the set wasn't as impressive as seeing the finished cover.

Jesus and Hitler were on John's favourites list but they had to be taken off. John was that kind of guy but you couldn't very well have Hitler and so he had to go. Gandhi also had to go because the head of EMI, Sir Joe Lockwood, said that in India they wouldn't allow the record to be printed. We said "You're kidding, they'll love it," but he said no, so that was something the lawyers made us take off. There were a few people who just went by the wayside.

We went to Burman's, the theatrical costumiers, to have all our outfits made up and the Stones did the same for the Satanic Majesties album.

It was great. The main centrefold was originally going to be a drawing by The Fool--Simon Posthuma and Marijke Koger, Dutch artists who'd produced some surrealistic work. They depicted us all up in the clouds and it was all very very acid, everything everywhere, lots of colours--but Robert didn't like it as art and so he vetoed it. We said "No man, it's really good. We love it, we love it."

The shoes were made by Anello and David, which was the first place we came into contact with, and we got our lovely handmade Beatle boots there.

Robert and I went down to Peter's house and Peter developed it all from there. The lists were his idea, and all the cut-outs instead of using real people, and then the floral clock got changed around; but basically it was the original theme.

The 'Welcome The Rolling Stones' was something they put in. They sort of asked us if we minded and we said, "No, no, not at all." Peter organized a fairground painter to paint the drum as that was someone that he used to hang out with.

From Blinds & Shutters

[burning-lampstand]

The Miraculous Medal

In November of 1830, Mary again appeared to St. Catherine at the Rue de Bac Chapel. This time, our Blessed Mother was standing on a globe, with dazzling rays of light streaming from her outstretched hands. Framing the apparition was an inscription: “O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.” When Mary spoke to St. Catherine, she said “Have a medal struck upon this model. Those who wear it will receive great graces, especially if they wear it around the neck. Those who repeat this prayer with devotion will be, in a special manner, under the protection of the Mother of God. Graces will be abundantly bestowed upon those who have confidence.”

The Miraculous Medal was originally called the Medal of the Immaculate Conception, but, because of the numerous accounts of miracles by those who wore it, people began to call it the Miraculous Medal, and the name stuck. The Medal is a visual reminder of our salvation through Jesus Christ.

The Front Side

The front side of the Miraculous Medal depicts Mary Immaculate, her hands open, full of light. St. Catherine Labouré saw Our Lady appear like this and heard her say, “Have a medal made according to this model. Everyone who wears it around their neck will receive great graces.” Mary stands upon the globe as the Queen of Heaven and Earth. Her feet crush the serpent to proclaim that Satan and all his followers are helpless before her (Gn. 3:15). The year 1830 on the Miraculous Medal is the year the Blessed Mother gave the design of the Miraculous Medal to St. Catherine. The reference to “Mary conceived without sin” supports the dogma of the Immaculate Conception of Mary — referring to Mary being sinless, “full of grace,” and “blessed among women” (Lk. 1:28). The dogma of the Immaculate Conception was proclaimed 24 years later in 1854, and then confirmed when Mary appeared to St. Bernadette Soubirous in Lourdes, France, in 1858.

• Mary stands on a globe, crushing a serpent beneath her feet. Describing the original vision, Catherine said the Blessed Mother appeared radiant as a sunrise, "in all her perfect beauty."

• Rays shoot out from Mary's hands, which she told Catherine, "... symbolize the graces I shed upon those who ask for them."

• Words from the vision form an oval frame around Mary: "O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee."

Seen as a matrix, the elements of the front design encapsulate major Marian tenets:

Quality of Our Lady As Illustrated by the Medal

• Mother - Her open arms, the "recourse" we have in her.

• Immaculate - The words, "conceived without sin."

• Assumed into Heaven - She stands on the globe.

• Mediatrix - Rays from her hands symbolizing "graces."

• Our Protection - Crushes the serpent (Gn 3:15).

The Reverse Side

On the reverse side, the Cross and the letter M symbolize the close relationship of Mary to the suffering, passion, and death of her Son. The cross can symbolize Christ and our redemption, with the bar under the cross a sign of the earth and the Altar, for it is on the Altar at Mass that the Sacrifice of Calvary continues to be present in the world today. The M signifies “Mary” and “Mother.” The interweaving of Mary’s initial and the cross shows Mary’s close involvement with Jesus and our world. In this, we see Mary’s part in our salvation and her role as Mother of the Church.

Beneath the Cross, bar, and the M are two hearts side‐by‐side: the Sacred Heart of Jesus crowned with thorns and the Immaculate Heart of Mary pierced by a sword. The two hearts represent the love of Jesus and Mary for us.

The twelve stars signify the twelve tribes of Israel and the twelve apostles, who represent the entire Church as it surrounds Mary. They also recall the vision of Saint John, writer of the Book of Revelation (12:1), in which “a great sign appeared in heaven, a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of 12 stars.”

• A cross-and-bar surmounts a large, bold "M."

• 12 stars disperse around the perimeter.

• Two hearts are depicted underneath the "M," the left lapped with a crown of thorns, the right skewed by a sword. From each, a flame emanates from the top. Again, employing a grid analysis, we can see how the reverse-side design contains great symbolism reflecting major tenets of the Catholic faith.

Design Element and its Catholic Meaning

• The large letter "M" - Mary as Mother, Mediatrix.

• Cross and bar - Jesus' Cross of Redemption.

• 12 stars - 12 Apostles, who formed the first Church.

• Left Heart - The Sacred Heart, who died for our sins.

• Right Heart - The Immaculate Heart, who intercedes for us.

• Flames - The burning love Jesus and Mary have for us.

(Sources: 1 + 2)

[fr-martin-gospel-reflections]

15th September - ‘Who do you say I am?�� Reflection on the readings for Twenty Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time (John 8:27-35)

Twenty Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time

We have all had to answer questions in the course of our lives. Some questions can be answered easily and quickly, without too much consideration. Other questions require us to reflect carefully before we give an answer. Then, there are other questions that people have kept returning to over the centuries, without getting a full answer. These questions continue to call out to us and move us to keep reflecting.

The first question that Jesus asked his disciples in today’s gospel reading was easy to answer. ‘Who do people say I am?’ The disciples knew what people were saying about Jesus; he was John the Baptist, Elijah or one of the prophets. The second question Jesus asked required more thought, ‘But you, who do you say I am?’ Peter answered Jesus’ question on behalf of the other disciples, ‘You are the Christ’, the long-awaited Jewish Messiah. Jesus did not dispute this title, but it was an ambiguous title that had different meanings for different people. When Jesus went on to speak of himself as the Son of Man who was destined to suffer grievously and who would soon be put to death. Peter’s very negative reaction to what Jesus said showed that this wasn’t the kind of Messiah he had in mind. Peter was thinking of a glorious, triumphant, Messiah. Jesus’ subsequent rebuke of Peter, ‘Get behind me, Satan!’, must have shaken Peter to the core. Peter wanted Jesus to be spared suffering and Jesus probably wanted to be spared suffering too, which is why he experienced Peter’s negative reaction as a strong temptation that he had to firmly reject. Jesus knew that if was to be true to his mission to reveal God’s love for all, he would have to travel the way of the cross. Peter had a lot to learn about who Jesus really was.

The question Jesus put to his disciples is addressed to us all, ‘Who do you say I am?’ It is one of those questions we never answer fully in this life. When it comes to Jesus we always have more to learn, more to see, and that will be so until that eternal moment beyond this earthly life when we will see him face to face, and we will know him as fully as he now knows us. It is clear from Jesus’ rebuke to Peter that if we are to really know who Jesus is we have to look upon the suffering Son of Man. When we look upon Jesus on the cross, what do we see? We see someone whose loving commitment to God and to all humanity was so complete that he was prepared to lose everything for it. We see someone who stood ready to lose his life for our sake and for the sake of the gospel that he preached. Some years ago, there was a book written by an Irish Benedictine monk called, ‘This Tremendous Lover’. It is above all on the cross that Jesus reveals himself to be a tremendous lover, someone who loves us with a love that is faithful even when we fail him, a love that endures to the end and beyond into eternity. As Jesus hung from the cross there was an explosion of God’s love for all humanity, for each one of us. We can each say with Saint Paul in his letter to the Galatians, ‘I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me’. When Peter rebuked Jesus for suggesting that he would be a suffering Messiah, he hadn’t yet understood the depth of Jesus’ love for him and for all. Genuine human love has the power to draw us in. Jesus once said, ‘When I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw all people to myself’. We are drawn to Jesus on the cross not because we are fascinated by suffering but because we sense the power of God’s love drawing us. Saint Paul once wrote of Christ crucified as ‘the power of God and the wisdom of God’.

In the gospel reading, Jesus goes on to say, ‘If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let them renounce themselves, take up their cross and follow me’. Jesus wasn’t talking about passively accepting the sufferings and losses that come our way in life. He was calling on us to commit ourselves in love to him and to each other, just as he has committed himself in love to us, and to be true to that loving commitment even though it may mean the way of the cross, a dying to ourselves. It is a call to be his faithful disciple just as he has shown himself to be our faithful Shepherd. He is calling on us to keep choosing to serve him in love by our loving service of others, especially those in greatest need, as James in the second reading reminds us. This will often mean denying ourselves and taking up the cross, in the sense of saying ‘no’ to our natural love of ease, comfort and convenience. Yet, this is the way of Jesus and he promises us that if we follow in his way we will save our lives. We will be fully alive in the here and now and we will inherit the fullness of life beyond death.

[gatekeeper-watchman]

Good Morning World Does the Bible speak of a special “place of safety” for Christians during the Great Tribulation and the Day of the Lord? If so, where is it?

In what is called the Olivet Prophecy, Jesus said, “For then there will be great tribulation, such as has not been since the beginning of the world until this time, no, nor ever shall be. And unless those days were shortened, no flesh would be saved [meaning, alive]; but for the elect’s sake those days will be shortened” (Matthew 24:21-22).

What will happen to Christians during the Great Tribulation? The popular teaching today is that they will be raptured to heaven before the Great Tribulation begins and return with Christ at His second coming to end the Great Tribulation and to put Satan away.

What is the correct biblical teaching on what will happen to Christians during the Great Tribulation?

In Jesus’ prophecy to the seven churches, which was given to John for him to write in the book of Revelation, Jesus said, “Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world, to test those who dwell on the earth” (Revelation 3:10). The hour of trial that will come on the whole world is the Great Tribulation.

These Christians will be protected from the Great Tribulation because they kept Christ’s “command to persevere” and they also kept the commandments of God (Revelation 14:12). But how and where will they be kept from that “hour of trial”?

A woman flies into the wilderness

In chapter 12 of the book of Revelation John writes of a war in heaven between Satan and the archangel Michael. But Satan will lose and be cast back down to the earth. Satan will then have great wrath because he knows he has but a short time left. He will bring about great tribulation (war) and persecute the woman, which at the end of the chapter is symbolic of Christ’s Church (verses 12-13).

Verse 14 says, “But the woman was given two wings of a great eagle, that she might fly into the wilderness to her place, where she is nourished for a time and times and half a time, from the presence of the serpent [Satan].”

Notice that the woman, here meaning the Church, will “fly into the wilderness to her place.” The word “place” is singular. This verse also says the Church is nourished for 3½ years (time = 1 year, times = 2 years, half a time = half a year) in the wilderness (see also Revelation 13:5).

Does the Bible indicate any possible location for this wilderness or “place of safety”?

Some have speculated about where a place of safety would be, such as Petra in Jordan, or the USA but the Bible does not clearly indicate a specific location. I do know that part of the Church will be taken into a “wilderness to her place” (Revelation 12:14) where it will be “nourished”—protected and cared for. The wording implies there is one location that will be prepared at which the Church will be protected, but Scripture does not clearly identify that place.

Are all protected in a place of safety?

But will all Christians be included? Although some Christians will be nourished and protected, it seems others will suffer persecution and martyrdom during the time of the Great Tribulation (Revelation 6:9-11; Revelation 12:17).

Speaking of the time of His second coming, Jesus said, “And He will send His angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they will gather together His elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven [atmosphere] to the other” (Matthew 24:31). When Christ returns, He will resurrect faithful saints from their graves and the saints who are alive will be changed into spirit. The saints who are alive will have lived through the Great Tribulation. Will they have been protected in a particular location or “place of safety”?

Revelation 7 describes a group of people numbering 144,000 (verses 3-4) and also “a great multitude which no one could number” (verse 9) that is said to have “come out of the great tribulation” (verse 14). The Bible does not say whether these people will be in a wilderness location during the last part of the Great Tribulation or whether they will be taken to such a location after they are “sealed” for protection. Exactly how and where they are protected is not revealed.

God protects His people

The book of Psalms contains numerous scriptures that speak of God protecting His faithful people. In these passages, the focus is on trusting God, as opposed to being in a specific location in order to be protected.

Psalm 18:2: “The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

Psalm 27:5: “For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; in the secret place of His tabernacle, He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock.”

Psalm 31:20: “You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence from the plots of man; You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion [“shelter,” Revised Standard Version] from the strife of tongues.”

Psalm 32:7: “You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from trouble.”

Psalm 91:7, 9-10: “A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; but it shall not come near you. … Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge, even the Highest, your dwelling place, no evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling.”

Psalm 121:7: “The LORD shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul.”

These promises of protection will be fulfilled for the woman who flies into the wilderness, for those who come out of the Great Tribulation, and for those gathered alive at Christ’s return from “the four winds” of the earth. The one common thread in all of these scriptural examples is that God will protect those who faithfully seek to serve, obey and trust in Him.

Place of safety summary

What can we conclude from these scriptures in reference to a “place of safety”?

The Bible says some Christians will go into the wilderness to be protected from Satan and his wrath (Revelation 12:14).

The Bible also says some Christians will not go into this wilderness “place of safety” and Satan will go to make war with them (Revelation 12:17).

The Bible also shows that many other servants of God will be “sealed” for protection (Revelation 7:3-8).

Several Psalms speak of the Lord’s protection of His faithful saints.

Jesus’ instructions to Christians today

The place of safety may be an intriguing subject to study, but it is not what Jesus wanted Christians to be constantly dwelling on. It is true He instructed us to “watch therefore, and pray always that you may be counted worthy to escape all these things that will come to pass, and to stand before the Son of Man” (Luke 21:36). But worrying about one’s personal safety to the exclusion of other important spiritual responsibilities is not what Christ had in mind.

In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus instructed us to “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). If Christians are seeking first God’s Kingdom and His righteousness, then they will be watching and praying and Jesus will be with them always, “even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). 11/18/2024 7:01:22 AM Jacksonville, Florida USA From: Steven P. Miller, @ParkermillerQ,   gatekeeperwatchman.org  TM ‎Founder and Administrator of Gatekeeper-Watchman International Groups. #GWIG, #GWIN, #GWINGO. www.facebook.com/gatekeeperwatchnan www.facebook.com/ Instagram: steven_parker_miller_1956

[direwombat]

they just keep makin' more wednesdays don't they?

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Looking like the current chapter of katc I'm working on is gonna be split in two so here's a snippet from ch3 (or, ch2 part2) of syb making a bad decision while snooping around seed ranch while waiting for the resistance to show up:

Drawing her lower lip between her teeth, she picks up the receiver. Dutch had said that the phone lines were cut sometime last night and the call from Joseph is timestamped about an hour after the helicopter crashed. Either he called before the lines went down, or he and John have a direct line that’s remained intact. Both are likely, but as she presses it to her ear, there’s no high-pitched beeping of a disconnected landline. Just the expectant drone of the dial tone.

And then she does something profoundly stupid. 

It's a morbid curiosity that compels her. The same kind that drives a child to play Bloody Mary in the bathroom mirror or pushes a man to pray to Satan. It isn’t the desire for a response, but rather to get the answer to a question she’s not really sure she wants the answer to. Or maybe just to confirm what she already knows.

Will the Devil answer if she calls?

Her heart hammers in her chest and she hits redial. 

The warbling sound of the phone’s outgoing rings fills her ear. She flexes her grip on the receiver, shifting her weight back and forth as it continues to ring. Trilling note after trilling note, it goes on for what feels like an eternity. Her eyes fall shut and she sucks in a deep breath, desperately hoping that it’ll go to voicemail. But just when she thinks it will, there’s a click and —

“John?” comes the voice of Joseph Seed and she immediately goes tense. He’s so quiet, speaking in something barely more than a whisper. Calm and even, just how he sounded in the voicemail he left for John. Just how he sounded in the hush of his Church as he held his wrists out for her to cuff.

“God will not let you take me.”

Her breath catches in her lungs and her grip around the receiver grows so tight that the plastic creaks. Every muscle in her body locks and she can’t fucking breathe. 

“John?” he repeats, this time a little louder and with more concern when he doesn’t get a response. “John, is everything alright? Is something wro—” He cuts himself off and falls silent. 

Sybille sinks her teeth into her lower lip so hard that she draws blood, but she's listening so hard to the rasping breath on the other end of the line that she doesn't feel it.

And then Joseph’s voice drops so dangerously low that it’s barely audible over the crackle of the phone. “Deputy,” he breathes. 

A violent shudder crawls down her spine. She hears what she thinks might be the beginning of a question, but doesn’t quite catch it as she’s slamming the phone’s receiver down like it’s caught fire. Her hands tremble with adrenaline and she releases the breath trapped inside her lungs, sucking in a new one. Her mouth is dry and she struggles to swallow, but she doesn’t take her eyes off the phone. 

Please don’t call back, she thinks as her ragged breaths struggle to even out. Please, please, please don’t call back. 

She stands there for far longer than she should have, waiting for him to return her call. It isn’t until she hears the sounds of modern rock blaring in the distance that she’s able to pull herself from her stupor. In an expulsion of the pent up, frantic energy, she rips out the cable and throws the machine onto the ground with as much force as she can muster. It shatters, pieces of plastic flying out all over the hardwood floors. 

Finally, her heartbeat begins to slow, returning to normal, along with her breath. With a shake of her head, she pulls herself from where she’s rooted, tearing her gaze from the smashed remains of the telephone and directing her focus back towards her objective. 

Right, Nick’s plane.