#john calvert

[gatutor]

Ben Welden-John Calvert-Myrna Dell "Search for danger" 1949, de Jack Bernhard.

[lizzygrantarchives]

The Quietus, October 4, 2011

Even though her song ‘Video Games’ emerged a couple of months back, Lana Del Rey has already experienced equal parts adulation and suspicion. Here, John Calvert speaks to her about David Lynch, New York and the ghosts that hide behind her ‘white picket-fenced cheer’.

She talks like a dairy queen, like Britney Spears, like a cheerleader. 24 years old and exuding the hardy effervescence unique to healthy American girls, there is nothing in Del Rey’s manner that connects the voice at the end of the line to ‘Video Games’, the YouTube smash hit carried by a purring vocal performance so rich you can feel almost feel David Lynch’s velvet carpeting under your fingers.

That is until I hit playback on my telephone’s dictaphone. Slowly all the years of a weary, haunted youth spent in backwoods New York State unravel from under her bubbly facade, like furtive murmurings on the other side of a door. As per the many doomed chanteuses and dead movie idols she invokes in her cinematic music, it seems Del Rey is a good actress. In true Lynch fashion, beneath her white picket-fenced cheer hide the writhing earthworms that plague her heavy heart.

With increasing frequency, naysayers are testing the walls of Del Ray’s persona, in particular questioning exactly who should be credited for her perfectly realised Valley of the Dolls aesthetic. Amidst universal praise for ‘Video Games’, she’s nevertheless faced the incredulity of everyone from high profile bloggers to broadsheet columnists to disgruntled indie stars (Amy Klein of Titus Andronicus threw her oar in), some of whom are convinced she’s a kohl-eyed marketing ploy and as fake as those eyelash extensions. So in a delicious twist of dramatic irony, it’s precisely Del Rey’s persona – the artifice – that forms her only barrier of defence against the media’s worst advances.

Its a lie, however, to tell the truth. Because it seems her story up to now, if largely less glamorous, isn’t so different to that of the Marilyn Monroes or the Judy Garlands, or indeed Lynch’s own tragic starlet in Mulholland Drive. The story goes: smalltown girl moves to the big city, falls into dark waters, becomes forever imprisoned in the house of mirrors that is the media’s oppressive gaze.

Enter frame the Quietus, at hand to shoot the close-up she may or may not be ready for.

Have you always had a dark side, Lana?

When I was younger I felt lonely… In terms of my thought processes. I had the constant feeling that I thought differently to everyone around me. So, I suppose I felt lonely for a home. I didn’t know where I wanted to be, but I knew I wasn’t there yet. I think that this loneliness set a dark undertone for things to come.

Are you a David Lynch fan?

Yeah. When I was a kid playing in bars in Lake Placid, after every show somebody would come up to me and be like ‘You must be a David Lynch fan!’. At the time I wasn’t up on ‘all things cool’, but I looked into Lynch and quickly became a fan. Although I think the themes he explores are a step further into the extreme than I’m prepared to go.

If you can put it down to one scene, which Lynch moment do you return to most for inspiration when writing? I envisage something like the Mulholland Drive theatre sequence, crossed with the home video of a dead Laura Palmer dancing with Donna on the hill.

Have you ever seen Fire Walk With Me and the scenes where Laura Palmer is in the bar with the lumberjacks, sort of dancing and getting crazy? Well, it’s that frightening sensation of being out of control that really sticks in my mind.

Some of the music in your chosen field of expertise suggests love has more to do with obsession than companionship. For example ‘The End Of The World’ by Skeeter Davis has a creepy What Ever Happened To Baby Jane quality about it. And then there’s your line from ‘Video Games’: ‘It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you / Everything I do’. Does this idea resonate with you?

I really love that [Davis] song, actually. And yeah, that idea resonates with me. Growing up I was always prone to obsession, partly because of the way I am, but partly because after feeling so lonely for such a long time, when I found someone or something that I liked, I felt helplessly drawn to it. I suppose that accounts for some of the creepiness in my music.

Like a fatal attraction?

Yeah. After I was sent away to school when I was 15, I had to start life on my own. So I began looking for that ‘someone’ to hang on to. And if it so happened that I found him, then there have been occasions in the past where I’ve been overtaken by my feelings. But with some of the bad things that come with love, there’s also a lot of good… For example that connection… which I struggle to have with most people. So although there’s a dark side to love, there’s also something really hopeful.

You moved to New York City at age 18. Were you at all inspired by New York’s noirish undertones?

Yeah. The way I experienced New York, for a long time after I moved, was alone and at night, walking the streets. I mean, there are thousands of streets in New York and I know them all. I’d go down to the tip of Manhattan, or even down to Coney Island, then travel all the way back up. Because I come from a place that, geographically, isn’t that stimulating. But New York’s architecture alone is enough to inspire a whole album. In fact, that’s what happened at first – my early stuff was mostly just interpretations of landscapes.

Do you feel yourself change when ‘in character’?

‘Lana’ and ‘Lizzy’ are the same person. I wish I could escape into some alter-ego, just so I could feel more comfortable onstage, but I feel the same as Lana as I do Lizzy.

How was it working with David Kahne [The Strokes, Regina Spector, Paul McCartney] on your debut? He has a background in replicating bygone eras.

It was validating when David asked to work with me, only a day after he got my demo. He has known as a producer with a lot integrity and who had an interest in making music that wasn’t just pop.

In terms of instruction, what was Kahne’s input?

He had a lot of things he wanted done. For example, he was interested in a more traditional vocal style and I wasn’t. He’s also a real scientist, so he had a very particular plan. The album ended up somewhere in between what he wanted and what I wanted.

There’s a theory that the archetype you portray plays to male sexual fantasies?

In the video for ‘Video Games’, I was trying to look smart and well turned-out, rather than ‘sexy’. Of course I wanted to look good, but ‘smart’ was the primary focus.

What inspired ‘Video Games’?

A boy. I think we came together because we were both outsiders. It was perfect. But I think with that contentment also comes sadness. There was something heavenly about that life – we’d go to work and he’d play his video games – but also it was maybe too regular. At the time I was becoming disillusioned with being a singer and was very happy to settle with a boyfriend who I loved, but in the end we both lost sight of our dreams. Maybe there’s something not-so-special about domestic life.

A popular American blog recently published a supposed exposé on you, with accusations of inauthenticity. Do you feel like you’ve had your eyes opened? [At the beginning of the interview tQ apologises in advance for ‘going on a bit’. Lizzy/Lana’s telling response is ‘Better a bore than an assassin…’]

I dunno. If I say anything they’ll just publish something like [speaks like an anchorman reading the headlines] ‘Lana Del Ray Gets Her Feelings Hurt!’. It just seemed that with that one article, they were particularly cruel. Not in a playground/indie/mean way, but in a personal vendetta sort of way. They really made it their mission to destroy me. I’m not a confrontational person, so if that’s going to be my life from here on, I’d honestly rather not sing or have a career.

In an interview with Pitchfork you said that people have offered you opportunities in exchange for sleeping with them. Is this true? At the corporate level?

[Laughs, then becomes tongue-tied]

I mean… uh… uh… I mean things get a little crazy, I guess.

Um… There are some situations when you kind of know.

… I mean, it’s sort of a loaded question.

It’s common knowledge that The Pretenders’ Chrissie Hynde was, by her own admittance, hopelessly drawn to the bad boys – damaged and dark men. Would that be the case with Lizzy?

Yeah, in the past that has been the case. I think with so-called ‘creative’ people, their particular strain of genius can cause the pendulum to swing too far – into self-destruction and what you could call ‘madness’, which is something I can relate to. So, yes, I was once attracted to that. But that was then. Now I’m looking for something more simple.

You also told Pitchfork that God has saved your life a million times, which strikes me as in opposition to your music. Because, in films based in small town America, religion is frequently a patriarchal, repressive and evil presence, with the archetype you portray acting as a force in subverting it.

I think there’s a division of organised religion similar to what you’ve described. But where I’m concerned, my understanding of God has come from my own personal experiences… because I was in trouble so many times in New York that if you were me, you would believe in God too. When things get bad enough, your only resort is to lie in bed and start praying. I dunno about congregating once a week in a church and all that, but when I heard there is a divine power you can call on, I did. I suppose my approach to religion is like my approach to music – I take what I want and leave the rest.

What kind of ‘trouble’?

Any and all. When I was in New York I had nowhere to live, and I was trying to find a way to be a musician… Just trying to survive, which is fucking hard by the way. So I got myself into a lot of situations I didn’t plan on. [Pauses] I think what I was going for was something beautiful, but I kinda got myself into trouble along the way. Sorry, that’s pretty vague.

But you live in London now?

No, not yet. I’ve been in London for most of the last two years, but I’ll book three months there then go home to New York for three weeks. However, when I’m not working I go see my friends in Glasgow, so I spend my time there when I want to have fun. I’m in Glasgow right now.

Any encounters with [notorious angry drink enjoyed especially in Celtic territories] Buckfast? I like the image of you stabbing someone in a car park.

[Laughs] No, I’m a good girl. I leave the drinking to the boys these days.

Do you feel that the ‘Femme Fatale’ archetype still has the power to tap into ‘male sexual anxieties’ or challenge a patriarchal society?

If I’m honest, no. Not as much as it used to. In the 50s it was a new premise, a new form of female power. I think that these days, plain old intellectualism is a more powerful force than the idea of the femme fatale.

Why is it, do you feel, that so much of ‘Golden Age’ pop placed love, and laterally eroticism, in such close proximity with notions of death? In particular the music of Roy Orbison.

I suppose because, sometimes, love feels like a life or death situation. I mean, losing true love is pretty much as bad as it gets, other than actually dying or losing good health. Most people know that. Most people can relate. As Davis says, it’s like the end of the world.

Originally published on thequietus.com with the headline Original Sin: An Interview With Lana Del Rey.

[letterboxd-loggd]

The Mark of the Whistler (The Marked Man) (1944) William Castle

September 5th 2023

[wetsocksinbed]

season 1: two boys hunt ghosts while looking for their dad. A classic tale of brotherly bonding with a splash of whimsy

season 15: a bisexual angel confesses his love for the worlds most straight white man in order to send the physical embodiment of death to super hell because the son of lucifer needs to find a way to kill god

[spn-fan-letter]

Hello, Hi, and Welcome!

What is this Tumblr for?

This tumblr blog is dedicated to keeping supernatural fans posted about what is happening in the realms outside the show. Missed the latest convention? We got you covered! Don't know what the hottest TikTok trend or best edits? Got you there! Or if you've just gotten back on tumblr and have no idea where things have gone, we're here for that too.

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By reblogging this post!!! And commenting your ideas, thoughts and questions!! Or message directly about becoming a part of our team to create this!

[dumb-zombie-girl]

If you think of different characters and actors/ actresses that I miss let me know and I'll make a part 2 or reblog the post and put it in the tags

[swallowedabug]

"This three-tier communications base proudly offers you the best in cutting-edge Mili-tainment?" Is this a base or a goddamn theme park? Both.

KILLJOYS 5.07 (2019)

[kamisobsessed]

Those of you who have been to an SPN convention, how much did you spend in total and what all did you get/do? I sooo want to go next year, and at least meet Jensen and Jared, but I know it can get pricey and I don't know if I'll have enough🥺

[avenirdelight]

A False Accusation

Anyone You Like

They have a heated argument where she drops an accusation on him. He claims that it’s a false accusation.

⚠️ Curse words

“You don't love me.”

She voiced the words to the room, clearly and firmly. Strangely enough, saying it out loud didn’t make her chest feel lighter like she’d thought it would. It still felt as suffocating as it had been.

“Wow,” he scoffed, his shoulders shook when he did. “That’s a terrible accusation, that.”

She glanced at him, but she quickly dropped her gaze again after she noticed the hurt plastered all over his face. He couldn’t believe that she had the audacity to say such cruel words.

“And also,” he continued, leaning forward on the sofa, propping his body with his elbows on his knees. “It’s a false accusation. That’s terrible from you.”

She was sitting on the other sofa across from him, leaning back and folding her arms in front of her chest. She could feel his eyes boring into her and she couldn’t resist the temptation to stare back at him. So she did.

She gritted her teeth. Those eyes were angry, those eyes had used to look at her in the most special way. She refused to believe that it was just in her head, that she was just making it up, because she had used to easily fall in love all over again every time she looked at those eyes but at some point, she started to feel that they’d changed.

“Really?” She challenged him, giving him a sharp look that matched his.

He scoffed again, pinching the bridge of his nose in stress. He shook his head. He couldn’t quite believe that she truly believed that he didn’t love her. Where did it even come from?

“Are you telling me that I lie every time I tell you I love you? Mind you, I say that every single day,” he said. But she was silent, so he continued. “Don’t I always give you everything? Make sure that you have everything you need, that you’re safe?” He asked. If she forgot about that, he was ready to remind her of all the things he did for her. Everything that he needed to sacrifice. “I give you my world.”

“You give me your money.” Her voice was firm and certain. And it stabbed him right in his heart. 

It wasn’t that she was ungrateful for everything he’d given her. Moving her into his big house, constantly buying her expensive gifts, taking her to travel the world on holidays, giving her a luxury life—but that wasn’t the reason she’d fallen in love with him. She was never in it for the dime.

She had fallen in love with him for who he was. Or at least who he had used to be.

“I’m thankful that you gave me this wonderful life but I really don’t need the latest Prada release or to be on a yacht every holiday. I don’t need new jewellery every time you feel sorry, I don’t need you to surprise me with flowers in the morning just for you to go missing for the rest of the day.” 

“I thought you liked them. Have you been lying, then?”

“I do appreciate them but that’s not the point! The point is I need you!” She sounded so desperate. She honestly had been feeling this way for a while and she hoped that this time he was really listening to her. “I just need a little bit of your time, for you to be with me, and not just physically. You’re with me but your head is somewhere else. I need you to just look at me, I–”

“Well, I’m sorry, okay?!” He cut her off, the tone of his voice rising up. “I’m sorry that my work demands so much of my time, it asks so much from me, I’ve always told you that from the beginning. My career is my life and there would be rough bumps along the way. Things get hard, things–”

“Yeah, that’s the problem, don’t you see??” Her tone was as high now, it was only adding to the tension. “You run away from me when things get hard for you. You don’t even want to share anything with me. You give me gifts and temporary attention to ‘make up’ for it. Every time!” She stood up from the sofa. She frustratingly pointed a finger against her chest, giving him a piercing gaze. “Am I so untrustworthy or unreliable? Am I that insufferable to deal with so you don’t want to open up to me?”

“Don’t.” He shook his head, clenching his fists. “Don’t start making up things now. I never for a second think about you that way.”

“Well, you always make me wonder. Wonder why you shut me out.” She shrugged. “It’s the truth, you can’t deny it. You always leave me out of things.”

“I’m just protecting you!” He abruptly stood up. “I can’t– I’m sorry if it’s hard for me to share things that I know would just hurt you and stress you out!” He moved his hands animatedly and quite angrily. “Don’t you understand?! I am saving you the troubles and the pain!”

“I want the f*cking pain!!” 

Her voice pierced through his ears and he froze in his place, feeling shivers down his spine. He clenched his jaw and gulped. The anger, the desperation, the pain that she had been holding in, she’d just let it all out. She’d gotten so upset at this point, the tears quickly pooled in her eyes and threatened to fall. It pained him even more. He had never seen her like this.

“I’d rather feel the pain, suffer with you.” Her voice was small and timid this time, but there were so many emotions in it. “I’d choose that, rather than feeling left out and not appreciated. I promise you that’s the worst thing to feel. I hate it. I absolutely f*cking hate it.”

He sat back down, burying his face into his hands, trying to compose himself and find the right words to say. He felt her anger, her sadness, but he also needed her to understand that he did everything for a reason.

He let out a little sigh as he looked up to her. Her tears were already streaming down her cheeks. 

“I don't live a normal life and all I’m trying to do is to keep you out of the abnormalities and all the absurd things. The sh*t people say out there, it gets scary sometimes. People are actually willing to do foolish and crazy things to bring me down.” He spoke with a more gentle tone, trying to reason with her. “And if you’re hurt, if something bad happens to you, I won’t be able to forgive myself.”

She wiped her tears away with her shaky hands, before she hugged herself with arms, trying to provide herself some comfort. He didn’t only sound serious, he also sounded sorry.

“What do you want me to do, then?” He stared at her with tired eyes. The anger in his eyes had worn off, it even looked like he was going to cry. “I’m sorry. I really am.” His voice was a bit shaky. “I’ll do whatever makes you happy. Please. I can’t lose you. What am I going to be if I lose you?”

Her heart clenched painfully. She couldn’t deny that it was heartbreaking to see himself asking the question—like he was really scared to lose her, like his world would crumble down in an instant if he lost her. She had never seen him like this before. He’d always appeared strong in front of her, like nothing could ever bring him down, like no one could ever catch him looking weak.

“Every single thing that I’ve ever done is to protect you and to make you happy, to earn your love. Most of the time I don’t think I deserve you, you know. Because you deserve more than this f*cking fool,” he said pointing at himself. “Who apparently doesn’t know how to love. I’m sorry if I’ve done it the wrong way and made you feel the opposite way.”

Without her even realising it, what she’d been wishing to see was happening right in front of her—for him to open up to her and show his vulnerable side. Her tears fell again, but for a different reason this time. She felt his confusion, his sorrow, and she was hurting with him.

After a moment of deafening silence, he suddenly stood up. He approached her, who was just standing with her head down. He grabbed her by her waist and turned her to look at him. He fixed her dishevelled hair, tucking stray strands of hair to the back of her ears. He lifted her head up by her chin, before he continued to wipe her tears again. Every touch was so gentle, every touch felt gave her warmth and comfort that she’d been longing.

“Look at me, please,” he said. She finally shifted her gaze up and stared back at him. His eyes were looking at her fondly. “I love you so much. Please believe me.” He choked up, trying his best to convey his feelings through his voice. “I took you home to my mum and told her you’re the most special person in my life, I try to treat you like a queen, I see you and talk about you like you’re my prized possession, because you are.”

She listened to him. She tried to really listen to him. And honestly, this time it wasn’t so hard to believe him. She appreciated that he was finally opening up, even though it had taken them quite a long time to get there, not to mention all the struggle they had had to go through. But he finally found his courage to be fragile.

“Do you know what? You don’t have to be strong all the time,” she said as his hands fell to her waists and safely rested there. Her voice was almost a whisper. “I’m your girlfriend. You have a responsibility to protect me, but I also have a responsibility to be your partner. So let me do my part.” She held his face and stroked a thumb on his cheek. “We do this together. We’re supposed to go through happiness and sadness together, we go through all the troubles together. You hear me?”

“Yeah, I hear you.” He nodded. “I’m really sorry, okay? I love you,” he said again, before she pulled him into a hug.

“I love you too. I love you,” she mumbled against his shoulder. She heard him letting out a sob as his chest and shoulders shook. He held her tight, and it had been a while since it felt like this. She felt heard and seen. She felt loved. It was all she ever wanted.

And he couldn’t describe the wave of relief that washed over him. He really thought that his biggest fear, losing her, was really going to happen. He realised that he’d actually failed her. All this time he had loved her his own way which he thought was the best and the safest way but apparently, it didn’t give her the safety he wanted for her. She was right—they had to do this together, and it meant that he had to listen to her, count her thoughts and feelings.

He would try. He promised he would try his best to see her how she wanted to be seen, and love her how she wanted to be loved. Because she was the most important person in his life, and he’d do anything to make himself deserve her.

—

i had this sitting on my draft and i almost forgot about it! i kept switching between john and hendo when i wrote it. tell me who you imagined this! i hope you enjoyed it<3

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My Masterlist🤍

[zendasian]

My honest reaction after watching a group of furries gets eternally & brutally tormented by the devil

[ Day 9 No Instagram ]

[hitchell-mope]

Good movie. It should’ve been at least 95 minutes shorter. But still. Good movie.

[phociian]

another lil history thing:

The Washingtons were well known for spoiling the children under their care. People in that time noted that. Their kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, etc. All the kids that lived with them were spoiled by them. Patsy and Jacky Parke Custis (Martha's children from her first marriage) were extremely loved, especially since George and Martha never had children of their own. George bought Jack a violin, and Patsy a spinnet (which was kinda like a predecessor to the harpsichord), and would buy Patsy a doll from London once a year that was updated with the latest fashions from Europe. He also bought Jack horses and Patsy a parrot (I think it was a parrot, it might have been another bird). One of his and Martha's granddaughters (I can't remember which) also had a spaniel named Frisky. Also George tended to spoil the girls and was stricter with the boys, and Martha tended to spoil the boys and was stricter with the girls (probably because she was the woman of the house from a very young age).

But they were strict too. George was strict about education (since he didn't have a chance to be formally educated like his older brothers). He was very strict about where he would send Wash Parke Custis to college (and I think someone recommended he ask Hamilton where he was sending Philip, since Philip was a few months younger). He was super strict with Jack, Wash's father, but both boys were lazy about schooling and just overall uninterested, and in the end deferred to Martha (in Jack's case) and Nelly Calvert and David Stuart (since they were Wash's mother and stepfather). Neither of them ended up finishing school. The girls were also tutored really well in dance (I think), music, embroidery, etc. They were well read and were able to read and write proficiently. Martha was more lax about the boys' education (I don't think she actually had a formal education and would often use secretaries to write her letters and then she'd copy them and sign them), but she was known to be pretty strict with the girl's education (since all that jazz was vital to them finding a husband and all that).

[mariocki]

All Passion Spent: Episode 3 (1.3, BBC, 1986)

"I realise that he wanted me to enjoy all his beautiful things, but what did he imagine I could do with so much money? I can't believe, Mr. Bucktrout, that he knew what he was doing when he left all this to me."

"In the eyes of the world he has conferred a great benefit on you, Lady Slane."

"I know. I know, but I never wanted anything but to stand aside. Something, it seems, that this world of ours won't allow even at the age of eighty-five."

"Well, even the smallest planet is compelled to circle round the sun."

"Yes, but does that mean that we must all, willy-nilly, circle round wealth, position, possessions? I thought that I had escaped from all those things, Mr. Bucktrout, and now Mr. Fitz... of all people... he pushes me back into the middle of them. What am I to do? What am I to do? I always preferred the works of God to the works of man, because they're given - freely - to anyone who can appreciate them, pauper or millionaire. Does that make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense."

[annawincestfan]

[prettylittletrent]

Currently taking requests ✨️😉