#joe was so mean sometimes

[halfwayt0sanity]

Jello Biafra in an interview with Westword (2013)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

has happened plenty around iconis goings on but what an all-timer

[toxiccaves]

Opinion on power joe 🎤

I think Power Joe is STUPID and SMELLY and is definitely the more annoying one. Not fun to combine with either! And he doesn't even wash his hands after he has his oil changed-

[pharawee]

Okay. Phew. Usually I try to find at least one nice thing about a character because it's only fair that I try and see things from their perspective, right?

But the nicest thing I can possibly say about Ming is that I wish he'd ordain for a year or twenty so he can gain some metta. 🙏

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

my biggest dissonance is how robert de niro in once upon a time in america actually looks like young carlo (but more handsome than carlo) but noodles character is nothing like him like max is a certifed carlo core. he would do everything max did

[i-find-the-beauty-in-chaos]

me whenever there's updates of You s5

[cementcornfield]

I could have been better on how I've been handling my business in my preseason. You know, I could lock in more on my details and, like I said, the things that I did wrong. But it's all about how you handle it you know, it's all about what it means to you. And I feel like I need to do a better job of showing how much this means to me.

[puterposting]

geez i was really going through it in 2022....

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also "textless" versions of these, wahooo

[frenchtwistresistance]

Match Game Syndicated Episode 262

Fannie, in a warbly, tear-streaked voice, to Pretty Girl Betty Kennedy:

I was just sitting here thinking: When I was young and pretty, I used to sit in that seat. I used to wear red dresses, get attention. Now I’m pushed down here. Pretty soon I’ll be in the audience.

Me, playing along at home: Girl, quit lying 😂. Number one, when you were in the Pretty Girl seat (for like three weeks before you were promoted to Weird Girl), never did you ever wear anything remotely sexy. Number two, thirty seconds ago the cameraman decided to shoot you just sitting there doing nothing so America could appreciate your perfect jawline and cheekbones. Number three, you are absolutely Match Game’s Mae West and not only do you very well know it but also nobody’s trying to make you forget it. 😂

[asexualjedi]

Hiding some to lay about some without my mask on. Before I must return to my family and wear a mask. Also fuck you WHO for that fucking dogshit “it’s not an emergency anymore it’s a crisis and you shouldn’t change any of your behavior” announcement bc now everyone’s like COVID’s over they said it’s not an emergency why are you wearing a mask.

[l-na]

foodstamps themselves are BASED, especially if you live in california. pls update your misconceptions about them, theyre not limited like they used to be! almost any grocery store outside of specialty stores uses EBT including fancyass places like wholefoods. some specialty stores do, but you have to ask before you go. i found out hmart takes EBT and its great, i get specialty korean groceries for free.

theres very few things you cant get. alcohol and hot food, but the hot food one is kinda fuzzy, sometimes things count and other times they dont. you kinda have to find out by buying it and seeing if it takes your card.

you CAN get snacks and chips and junk food, ice cream, desserts, ive gotten a whole ham, tri tip, a wholeass prime rib, etc.

if youre unemployed and disabled GET ON EBT NOW especially if youre in a richer state because you will have so much ebt that you will have extra and no idea what to do with it except treat yourself. i eat at trader joes and whole foods and hmart every month without running out of money most of the time. i am by no means living in luxury otherwise, but my food situation is GREAT and i live a little in excess ngl im grocery spoiled. theres a chance you too could get this.

dont delay. get on food stamps. NOW!

[prlssprfctn]

AU, where Bruce accidentally gets de-aged (physically and mentally), and the first person he bumps in is... Red Hood.

To Jason's defence, he didn't connect the dots at first. He was just patrolling around his usual turf, thinking of nothing in particular, when he saw a small child in a ridiculously serious suit, sulking around Crime Alley. He looks distraught, and considering that he looks rich, it is no surprise - that is not a place for him. So, he is either lost or something happened, right?

He takes the helmet off, as he usually does when he is dealing with kids (they got scared easily) and carefully approaches a brooding baby.

'Hey, shrimp. Where are your parents at?'

That said shrimp turns around, his big blue eyes looking confused and lost, and Jason thinks he looks awfully familiar.

'I am not shrimp,' he protests instantly, pouting at him. 'And they are somewhere... here. We just left the movie theatre together!'

Jason glances at the abandoned movie theatre, back at the little rich boy with a familiar frown, and it clicks. This is his fucking dad. Suddenly, a kid - but it is fucking Bruce Wayne, for sure.

'Was watching Zorro by any chance?' Jason still asks, just to be sure that he is not going insane.

Bruce - and it must be him - beams at him.

'Yes! This is a great movie, by the way.'

Oh, hell. At least, he didn't witness his parents' death just yet. Jason wasn't sure he would be able to deal with his father being so small, and mourning his mom and dad. He would probably cry himself at some point.

'Hey,' Jason calls out for him slowly, squatting down; God, who would've thought that this little shrimp would become so tall and big in the future. 'Aren't you... You must be Thomas's kid, right?'

Okay, yeah, Jason is going to lie to this kid. Because there is no way he manages just to steal Bruce as a stranger to bring him back home; it is still a kid, even if it is his father. Right?

'You know my dad?' Bruce tilts his head, little fingers tugging on the hem of his jacket; suspicious.

'You could say that,' Jason nods. 'Alfie... I mean, Alfred called me. Asked me to pick up a kid, since Thomas and Martha got an urgent call.'

Fuck his life and stupid life choices. What the hell he was even doing? He looked like a mugger; or like a psycho. But Alfred was his best bet - he could call him, after all; ask, well, support his idiotic made-up story.

'No one calls Alfred Alfie but my dad,' Bruce pouts in a very, very spoiled manner.

'Well... I do. We served together in the army,' he blurts out.

His armour, apparently, is enough a proof for the kid to nod slowly.

'Okay. But you gotta take off your strange mask first,' Bruce folds arms on his chest.

...???

Did this kid just agree for an unknown man to take him home? Like this? Who could've thought that this pouty child would become the most paranoid man alive in the future?

'Uh, why?'

'So I can remember your face and do an identikit, if you turn out to be a bad guy,' Bruce smirks stupidly. 'Duh.'

Jason is going to cry. This kid is so cute.

'Yeah, duh,' Jason huffs, but despite his better judgment takes the domino mask off as well. 'Go on, take your time. My identikit should be the prettiest, shrimp.'

Bruce... gawks at him. His eyes are comically wide now, mouth open, and then, he jumps a little closer to him - oh, God, he is jumping when excited? - putting his hellishly cold hands on Jason's cheeks.

'Woah. You look like dad.'

'Uh,' Jason nods awkwardly, and because he is an idiot, adds a joke: 'We are brothers, actually. Just don't talk much.'

...Apparently, little Bruce can't take jokes. Because he lets out an adorable gasp, and throws himself on Jason as if they knew each other for ages now.

'Uncle? That's so cool. You look like Zorro!'

Damn this little kid, and this stupid family. Damn Joe Chill and the night he killed this kid's parents. Damn it all. Bruce might be an asshole sometimes, but he was so... cute and innocent.

'Thanks, shrimp,' Jason slides a domino mask back on, picks up little Bruce with one arm, and grips a helmet with another. 'Come on, let's go home. Alfred will make your favourite tiramisu.'

'You know my favourites?!'

Jason sniffles.

'Yeah. Yeah, I do, kid.'

If he gets so emotional over this kid, he has no idea how worse Dick is going to be once he finds out.

Oh, this is going to be one hell of a night.

[apollo-zero-one]

By the power of testosterone injections and marijuana microdosing I managed to have a whole ethics debate with my older coworker and not cry the whole time. My voice only shook once even. I think it was a tie which is better than usual (I tend to lose debates bcos I get too emotional)

[caffeinewitchcraft]

AITA for being proud of my job as a regional Nightmare?

My sister told me she’s making her own post and that if I was so sure I wasn’t TA then I should make my own so here I am.

I’m a regional Nightmare. I’m very proud of how hard I worked to get here. Not many terrors in their 20s get this high up and it’s because I do the work. I get up at 8pm and I’m out in the woods grinding out those quotas until dawn. Sometimes I sleep out there in my uniform just so I can be the first on scene for the multi-part jobs. I’m efficient, I’m punctual, and I’m committed. My goal is to be a Cyptid by the time I’m 30 and, to do that, I have to stay on at all times.

As a result, I work a lot. I’m often not home for days at a time. I have a very strict training regimen and my time for friends and family is virtually nonexistent. That’s why when I do get the time to hang out, I prefer to spend my time intentionally. What I mean by that is that I don’t want to sit on a couch when I could be lifting weights. I don’t want to chill in the pool when I could be volunteering for new scares. I especially don’t want to gossip over tea when I could be getting overtime.

Last Saturday, my sister invited a bunch of family over to her house. My job in the Virginia woods fell through, so I decided to go. Silly (her childhood nickname) said she had something important to tell the family so I thought it wouldn’t be a waste of my time.

Key word: thought.

When I got to Silly’s house, I was surprised to see so many cars out front. Our parents were there and our older brother. The house was packed. There were cousins, aunts, uncles and a ton of people I didn’t know.

At first the event was fine. Silly’s always been a good cook (see, I know you’re reading this, Silly, and see? I do compliment you when do something actually good) and everyone was really enjoying the flank steak (though I did have to save it before she cooked it medium well). But as the day wore on, I could tell people were getting bored. Silly and Mom were focused on cleaning up and said that dessert would have to wait until her fiance got home. Which was kind of rude to be late and I felt really bad for Silly. It seems like my soon to be brother-in-law (BIL for short) is never around when she needs him.

In an effort to help, I engaged some of the people I didn’t know in conversation because the party was getting a little dead and I didn’t want one of my sister’s parties to fail. I was trying hard not to think about the time I was wasting waiting for my future BIL so it also served as a distraction.

It turns out one of the guys was a fellow terror. He worked a corporate job and we talked for a while about the pros of being freelance like me. He asked me a lot of questions and I was happy to mentor another terror.  Corporate can suck the art out of what we do. My clients only care if the quota for their mission is met and don’t enforce such strict timelines. They come to me for quality. Poor guy barely had time to mend his uniform between scares (his cloak was tattered and his hook hand was rusty) so I recommended my tailor and blacksmith.

The guy and I exchanged information. I gave him my business card and he looked for one of his. While he looked, I felt nature calling so I headed upstairs to use my sister’s bathroom (like hell I was going to use the same one as my Uncle Joe). From up there, I saw my future BIL pull into the driveway.

 Being a regional Nightmare is a tough job. Like I said, I have to train a lot to keep my certification. So I thought it’d be a good idea to get a scare on my BIL both to punish him for being late and to make up for all the time I’d already wasted at the party.

So I waited for him to come upstairs to change and, when he did, I pulled out the works. I darkened the room and fell back into the shadows. Then, while he groped for the light switch, I stretched out my leg (I have an extra joint in them) and tried to nudge him. I honestly didn’t expect for him to trip and I DEFINITELY didn’t expect for him to fall backwards. I’ve been practicing this skill on my family since I was sixteen and got the leg extension mod and none of them ever fell like that.

My future BIL fell down the stairs. I panicked and raced over to look over the banister. He was fine! He wasn’t bleeding or anything and, when I saw that, I started to laugh.

Everyone freaked out though. They all said I was being immature and bullying my BIL. I told them it wasn’t bullying, it was my actual job. I said that I was just joking and didn’t know my BIL, a former “Cryptid”, would take it so hard.

My mom jumped in and backed me up, but my sister has always been the Queen of the castle. Silly and Dad kicked me out ( I mean, I let them, I’ve got enhanced strength and I didn’t want to hurt them). Dad called me a disgrace and to not come back home.

I asked him if he was really kicking me out just because I wanted to show off my skills a little? And he said yes. And Silly said I had it coming to me for a long time.

I don’t even know what went wrong.

 So AITA for taking pride in my work?

---.

SillyCreeper says: Oh my god, you actually made this post? You’re an actual idiot. For anyone who believes this story, read mine before you vote. My brother left out a few details like how the party was my GENDER REVEAL PARTY and that he’s not a regional Nightmare, he’s a  Slasher for hire.

OP replies: I am TRAINED to operate as a regional Nightmare. That makes me an independent regional Nightmare.

SillyCreeper replies: Regional Nightmares don’t steal failed missions from corporate Slashers

OP replies: Get your own post, Silly

SillyCreeper: Oh, I already did. Have fun being torn apart on yours, dumbass.

-----

Thanks for reading! If you'd like to read Silly's AITA post a week early, please consider becoming a patron (X)!

Aita for going no contact with my brother after he pulled a Scare on my husband?

I'm working on this anthology during November and I'm having a blast with this story in particular! The family drama keeps going on and on

[cementcornfield]

I think reporters love to ask Ja’Marr about Joe not just because they’re supposedly close, but also because Ja’Marr 1. feeds into their leading questions (“are you Joe’s biggest fan”) and 2. he says the most absolutely batshit insane shit and writes it off as nbd. I’m sure it also helps that Joe is so avoidant and Ja’Marr is all too eager to please.

ja'marr is definitely a gift to reporters who want to go viral lmao. i love how candid he is in his interviews. i hope the PR team never trains it out of him 😤