#job searches are a fucking joke rn

[serendipitous-mage]

Commissions~

*Hello! I'm currently between jobs and actively looking, but no luck yet. The household is pretty hard up on funds right now and any additional income would be so very very helpful, especially with student loan repayments kicking in this month ;w;

*Regardless of the type of commission, I will gladly work with you throughout it and give updates/the opportunity to make adjustments if you would like! 

Drawn

*The examples below range from about $4-$40 USD, ordered most to least expensive, all are based on complexity and time to complete. Prices are open to negotiate prior commitment, and can be made in multiple payments if needed! (some examples are a bit old)

*Anything that’s a meme or I highly enjoy the concept of doing is up for a potential discount :3

*If you’re interested, feel free to message me here or send me an email at serenmage87@gmail.com (anon asks are also enabled)

*Trigger Warning: One example has light gore/blood

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TRADITIONAL

~approx $35-$40 USD

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~approx $15-20 USD

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~approx $5-10 USD

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DIGITAL

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~approx $20-30 USD

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*approx $15-20 USD

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*approx $4-10 USD

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*NOTES -

*I can do lineless digital, but I’m not as practiced with it

*Traditional commissions will be scanned(or potentially sent in actual mail) for optimal quality. More colours/subjects will cost more

*Digital drawing is all around easier for me, and in general will be cheaper than an ‘identical’ traditional version would be

*As mentioned above, anything that’s a meme or I highly enjoy the concept of doing is up for a potential discount, more fun means its less taxing which means i can drop the price a little <3

*Will Draw:

    -OCs

    -AU characters

    -Animals/fursonas/anthro

    -Mecha

    -NSFW

    -Rough/simple animations and gifs (we can talk..)

*Won’t Draw anything:

    -Explicit underage

    -Discriminatory

    -Taking place in hospitals/based around illness

*You can view more of my drawings at my DA Gallery or, for less polished but more religiously updated posts, here

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Written

*I always read a lot in school, and over the years that turned into writing stories. I have a few fanfics running currently, but any commissions would be given priority

*Thinking $5 per 500 words? May adjust depending on complexity/any needed research/longer pieces

*I’ve found I write best with fantasy genres, but you can absolutely commission something else! Some things you may want to consider:

    -Is it original or fandom based?

    -What point of view do you want? First, second(reader inserts), or third person?

    -Past or present tense?

    -Old timey speech or modern feel?

    -Fluff, feels, something in between?

    -Where are you in the spectrum of “can you relay enough information about what you want that I won’t need to overly interpret/fill in gaps myself” and “do you have an end goal or outline, and want me to make the rest happen” ? In other words, how much of this do you already know you want, and what if anything are you willing to let me interpret as the writer?

*Some excerpts:

First person

    The brambles and lower branches suddenly appeared much denser than when we’d come from the other direction, and I kept as much distance from the two of them as I could. Their incessant arguing was still discernible, but not overly so.

    We took our new torches–which seemed a little brighter than they should have been–and set off continuing our search for tracks, holding the fire as close as we dared to any brush and leaves that were near the forest floor. The quiet pulsing of the place at night was almost unnerving, and much different from our campout the evening before. Unseen critters chirped to a rhythm we outsiders weren’t aware of, falling silent if we at any point passed too close to them.

  The eerie limbo was broken when I suddenly noticed a light coming toward us, followed quickly by Dagger who swooped low and squawked into my ear.

    I batted him away and asked Dex if the light was Sara, but felt I already knew the answer.

    “No,” he confirmed, squinting at it in suspicion.

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    “Clariiisaaaaaa!” Sara shouted again, her voice tumbling across the vague grassy mounds that just barely made the classification of ‘hills’. “Clarissa!“

   “Quiet down,” I finally warned her. “There’s more on the prowl after nightfall.”

    She spun around to glare at me. “You say that like I don’t know. It doesn’t matter we have to find them.”

    “We’re not going to find anyone if we’re dead.” I countered.

    “Well what if they’re dead!?” she shouted.

    I was a little taken aback at the sudden outburst, almost snapping at her in turn but pausing at what looked like a faint shimmer in her eye.

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    It began to rain soon after we entered the wood. Drops fell in a constant, distant thrum on the leaves above, and it wasn’t long before a chill settled in around the trees. Heavy dampness filled the air as the rain increased, making its way below the canopy to turn patches of the ground to a sticky mush. I’d hastened my pace twice already, and the rain still continued to thicken. Mini waterfalls poured down here and there where the foliage had positioned itself just so, and the aftermath was sent streaming between roots and stone along my path. I gave up trying to keep my boots dry and went as quickly as I dared, careful with my step to avoid sprawling in the dirt.

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Reader Insert

   There’s a soft *ping* and your body is suddenly overwhelmingly heavy, but luckily something else is holding your weight. You feel yourself rise a little into the air before being pulled forward, through the screen, through the words, through the space between, through the Barrier…

   Into the Underground.

   You notice you’re staring the ceiling. But not just any ceiling, New Home’s. And there are two faces looking down at you.

   "ARE THEY OKAY??”

   "they’ll be fine. just–“

   "SANS,” he warns.

   "a little down.“

   "NNNNGH!! SANS YO–! HUH?” Papyrus turns to look back at you, as you’re practically dying of laughter on the floor. 

 You’re here! Actually here! They are talking and joking and breathing right in front of you…the skelebros, in the flesh heheh.

   You tilt your head so you can Sans, tears in your eyes as you have a little difficulty breathing. He raises an eyeridge and grins a bit more than usual.

 "it wasn’t that good of a joke…i like ‘em.“ he says lastly to Papyrus.

   The younger brother mumbles something and reaches down to help you to your feet. Though they always seemed small, especially when younger, the monsters are around the same height as you. You wonder aloud how tall the king and queen must be.

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   You freeze at the deep, rumbling voice approaching. Solid footfalls sound closer and closer still, and you find your gaze drawn to the large figure coming down the hall. You’re overwhelmed with the details. The apparent thick softness of fur, curved smooth horns threatening to reach the ceiling, and impossibly violet robe that drifted behind his gait.

   "Oh, Howdy! Boys you should have told us you had, a…guest,” he stops, sudden distress plainly visible in his expression.

   Your blood runs cold as you realize, you must remind him of them. He thinks you’re–

  Chara?“ he falls heavily to his knees, tears streaming around his muzzle. His eyes search you over, filled with guilt, hope, disbelief, so many different emotions almost simultaneously. Papyrus runs up and tries to comfort him. 

   You lower your eyes and faintly shake your head, saying you’re sorry but, you’re not them.

   The haze that you and the skeletons hadn’t noticed before returns to his expression. He squeezes his eyes closed and inhales deeply before looking back at you again. 

   "I, forgive me … what is your name?”

   You find it a little difficult to speak, but manage to give him your name.

   He smiles. “It is very nice to meet you.“ 

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 Third Person

    “Oh, oh dear.” Alphys was staring at the base of the chalkboard with a frown. “Has anyone seen the chalk?” She held up the stub end of one. It had an odd jaggedness on one side. “This is all that’s here…I’m certain there was still have a box left,”

    No one answered, and Frisk certainly didn’t know, so they kept quiet as well. 

    The class crawled by about how one would expect it to. No one seemed particular enthralled by Alphys’ teaching, except for the girl in the front row. The bird Frisk was behind was ‘too smart’ to pay much attention, unless there was a point he wanted to argue. MK had a bit of a short attention span, and Temmie as well, but she seemed to be trying very hard. Probably wanted to get into a good college.

    At some point in the lecture, Frisk stopped taking notes and looked through the pad of paper that had been in their desk. It had haphazard quotes and diagrams, some dated and some not, with some days considerably more organized and thoughtful than others. Frisk turned to the back and flipped the book around, making a new beginning to it. They started penning all their observations. Differences and similarities, people that they’d recognized, and every explanation they could think of that might be true of whatever had happened to them. 

    There wasn’t much in that column. 

  Before long a semi distant bell sounded, and Alphys released everyone for lunch. 

    “Is ours broken?” Frisk wondered aloud.

   "Yo, you don’t remember?“ MK asked. “Susie totally busted the speakers last week! They still haven’t been able to fix it yet.” MK cocked their head. “Yo, Kris, you okay dude?”

    “Fine,” Frisk answered briskly. “I um, I gotta talk to Alphy.”

    MK raised an eyebrow and gave a tiny nod. “Uh, OK, sure…see ya.” They trotted off after the others to what Frisk assumed would be the cafeteria somewhere. 

    Frisk stayed in their seat a moment, wondering if this was really the best idea. Alphys didn’t seem to recognize Frisk as themselves either. And if they told her everything…they carefully closed the notebook and flipped it back the other way, then made their way to Alphys’ desk. 

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        The boy’s dark, messy hair completely shrouded his face from view at his stance. He stood behind one of the chairs, his head slightly bowed, gripping the back of the furniture as though it were his only lifeline to reality. The elder prince closed the gap between them with a few strides and put a hand on the boy’s shoulder.

       “I…“ he trailed off, suddenly realizing he had no idea how he could begin to comfort him. “I am not sure, what to say–”

       “There is nothing to be said.” the boy interrupted, his words strained. He didn’t look up. “If I had not been born, you would all have rest now, to live normally upon the morn. Mother would really smile again. No one wou–”

        “It is not your fault, brother.” The eldest countered firmly. “You know the rules…If not you, then someone else, it has naught to do with you yourself. We all were chanced to be a part of it as equally as any other. This was none of your doing.”

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    A certain heavy, comforting quiet hung in the air. Stillness that was enhanced by the soft hum and crackle of the flames. Sans and Papyrus had both fallen asleep before the fireplace amid the excitement, much like the first day they had arrived. Toriel had woken early, along with her husband, and was now reading in her armchair.

     There was a knock at the door.

    Papyrus sat up quickly, eyesockets half closed. “WH-HUH..?” he looked up at Tori, who’s eyes were crinkled in quiet laughter, and suddenly realized who the knock must be. A tiny gasp escaped him and vaulted off Sans, to mild protest, running down the hall toward the door. He tried stopping but had too much speed and slid past his mark, scrambling to get back to where he’d tried for. Papy gave a little jump and pulled the handle down, staring up in awe. 

    “Ho ho howdy little one!” Santa laughed heartily, fully dressed in his red and white outfit and with an old sturdy sack over one shoulder.

    Papyrus’ eyesockets were practically sparkling. “S-SANTA! SANS!! SANTA HERE!!” he ran forward and grabbed Santa’s large leg, hugging him tight.

   “wow. sure has a presents.” Sans offered, coming around the corner. He gave a stretch popped a few bones. “snow real surprise, though.”

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Thank you for considering and looking over the page this far! Feel free to contact with any questions, and stay determined <3

[minhosimthings]

Backstage Notoriety

Synopsis: Chan trying to shush you, as you try not to alert the rest of the boys about what you're doing backstage

Pairings: Bang Chan × Soloist!fem!reader

Warnings: SMUT MINORS DNI, fingering, overstimulation, Degradation (like only a little), praise, gagging kink, necklace is used as a gag, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), pregnancy joke, angry sex, rough sex

A/N: ITS YO GIRL MONA BACK WITH ANOTHER SMUT YALL WOOOHOOOOO I really like this for some reason I had fun writing it. Also Chan has got me in a chokehold rn I NEED THIS MAN TO BREED ME. And yes this is me procrastinating on my ongoing wip.

Dating a fellow idol was something you never thought you'd do in your entire life but here you were. Staring at your boyfriend dancing with the rest of his kids members and watching all his Stays with bedroom eyes. To say you were jealous was an understatement. A very great understatement, that is.

Being a soloist was a lonely job, with the one exception being that you didn't need to follow a packed schedule like other groups did. You could just sit back after your stage, and stare at everyone's outfits backstage, as you wait for your boyfriend to take you home and fuck you into oblivion. Yet as you watched your boyfriend show off his waist in a crop top your favourite colour, you couldn't help but want him to notice you. Stupid horny teenager coded feelings right?

"Haneul how much time till they finish?" You asked your manager who was packing up your things. She looked over at you and smiled. "Just another minute or so Y/N be patient you'll see him soon enough." She bent down and kissed your head "I'm going home alright? Tell Minho where I went or he'll go crazy. You'll come with Chan or should I tell a car to wait?" You shook your head at her. "I'll come with him don't worry. You should worry about Minho though he's gonna go mental when he finds out you left without him." Haneul let out a laugh and patted your shoulder before quickly walking out the door, leaving you all alone.

The sound of thunderous applause startled you, as you saw your boyfriend quickly walking down the stage, seven kids following him like penguins. The first one to enter the room was your boyfriend, suprisingly not covered in sweat and fashioning a towel round his neck. His face was not without happiness as he caught his eye on you and strode over, making adorable grabby hands.

"Baby!" he hugged you tightly, as you did everything in your power to stay mad at him, "Next time I'll make sure they arrange our shows right after one another. I can't stand not being with you for so long." "hmm" you hummed in response, not reciprocating the hug as you usually did. The rest of the members had entered the room by then and you spotted Minho frantically searching for his phone. "Haneul went home Minho." you cried at him, successfully catching his attention as he looked at you with widened eyes, "Don't worry, she's probably waiting for you."

"Oh alright." Minho said, plopping down onto the sofa, "Thanks for the message." You smiled gently at him, and turned to pick up your phone, when warm arms wrapped around your waist, making you freeze in your spot. The offer to sink into Chan's embrace was a tempting one, one that would effectively ruin your plan. "Did I do something wrong baby?" you heard Chan's voice whisper in your ear, tone akin to one he'd use for a child. You were being childish after all.

"Just tired Chan. I need to get home alright?", you briefly responded, wiggling away from his embrace. "I'll drop you off to the car." Chan responded, wrapping an arm around your waist so tightly that you couldn't protest, "I left something in my dressing room anyway so we can just get that on the way hm?" His tone worried you slightly. It was unlike the lovey-dovey one he usually used with you. Lovey? yes. Dovey? Definitely not.

The silence between you and Chan was too loud as both of you walked to Chan's dressing room, which was relatively near the exit point. His stare remained in front of him, not even a glance at you. You, on the other head, were trapped in his hold on your waist. It was tight. Too tight. The Pain kink comes in handy though right?.

"You really thought ignoring me would do anything baby?" Chan suddenly spoke up, when you reached the door to his dressing room. You shuddered as he pushed you against the door, one hand on the doorknob, the other holding your chin to him. "Chan-" "Nuh uh baby." He glared, "You're gonna pay for this."

Chan bombarded your lips with his and kissed you with every inch of pain in him. You would have melted into the kiss had it not been for Chan opening the doorknob and pushing you in.

"Wearing this cute little outfit and ignoring me." Chan mumbled in between the messy kiss, "Stupid little girl aren't you?" You gasped for air as Chan slid his fingers down your panties. You decided to give your stylist a bag of chocolates the next day, for giving you such an accessible dress.

"Ah Chan!" You shout out as Chan moves his fingers around your pussy, touching you exactly at all the spots he knew you adored. Chan slowly pulled off your underwear and threw it on the floor before pulling you into another kiss, fingers still racing across your cunt. His other hand reached up almost automatically to your hair, gripping it hard. You moaned into the kiss at his touch on your scalp as your hands quickly undid his trousers.

He’s rough. Good god, he’s fucking rough. His cock stretches you open deliciously, slamming into the deepest parts of you. The slick sounds of your dripping arousal fill the room with every violent thrust. You were sure your already short dress was about to get shorter as Chan kept such a firm grip on them, feeling the fabric twisting in between his fingers. With Chan continuing to fuck you, It’s almost impossible to keep yourself quiet at a time like this.

“J-Jesus,” you gasp, “holy fuck, Channie, y-you, fuck, you feel so fucking hot.” Your voice wavers in pitch and volume. Chan maintains a brutal pace, which you could swear he does on purpose. He lets out a gruff chuckle.

"It's Channie now is it baby?" He mocks you, "Fucking you so good you can't even speak can you?"

You let out a loud yelp when you feel his hand give your ass a hard slap. You jerk forward, shuddering on his cock. You can feel his towering frame lean over you, pulling you up by the shoulders, gathering you to his chest. He puts his fingers in your mouth, silencing your cries of lust.

You suck on his fingers, moans bubbling in your throat as Chan pistons his hips. It’s almost embarrassing how much you like the feeling of Chan using you like his personal doll.

“Babe,” Chan slows down. “As much as I love hearing what I do to you…” he gently maneuvers you, flipping you to look into your eyes. His hand tucks a piece of hair the fell onto your face behind your ear. His hand cups your cheek, the sweetness of his actions causes your mind to run wild with what kind of degenerate, devious plans he has in store for you. He reaches over to his neck and slowly unclasped the metal chain decorating it ever so wonderfully. "You're way too loud darling.”

"Open your mouth for me darling." He cooes at you as he shoves the necklace into your mouth. You wince in pain as the cold metal hits your tongue. Chan stares at you with an amused look on his face. "That's my good girl." He praises, giving a sudden thrust, which makes you widen your eyes.

You make a muffled cry for more, your soft and loud moans were music to his ears. He breathed heavily along with you as held onto your hips tightly. Skin smacking echoed in the room and you heard his soft groan which sent you coming. He groans louder as you clench around him.

Thankfully, Chan didn’t argue or get you to beg for his cock any more as he jolted his hips into you. “Always so loud aren't you darling?”, he scolded light-heartedly under his breath.

“Cha- Channie no more,” you plead with the necklace muffling your tone, tossing your head back onto the wall, hips bucking up into his despite your words. Chan growls, pushing you down by your stomach and blanketing your body with his own and pressing your knees almost up to your tits.

“You can take it, my dove, I promise,” the words come out choked, hoarse, but you wither under them nonetheless. The necklace had been laying down on the floor, having been detached from your mouth a long time ago. You can feel his cock pulsing deep inside your walls, seed almost spilling out from your entrance from his last two orgasms. You’re sure he’s overstimulated beyond belief, just like you, but he just can’t seem to stop.

“Wait, don’t cum yet; I’m so close, don’t cum”, you begged , not entirely wanting it to end just yet. Chan gasped, his mouth opening wide as his eyes did the opposite as they clenched shut as he concentrated on fucking you and not having another orgasm.

It doesn’t take long to feel the first flutterings of that eye-wateringly beautiful sensation between your legs as you quickly stammer, “I’m cumming! Fuck!”. Chan’s legs nearly gave out underneath him, hearing your sweet words.

As your pussy contracted in wet bursts around him, Chan released every drop of cum inside of his body, deep into your walls so that you could feel yourself becoming full and it beginning to drip out as it became too much. His thrusts slowed to a stop as you both slumped against the wall, bodies covered in a thin line of sweat.

"You alright honey?" He mumbled into your neck as he holds you tightly in his arms. "I'm good." You simply respond, cradling in Chan's warm muscles. Chan quickly deposits your weak figure on the divan before rushing off to find a towel and a change of clothes.

"I'm sorry Channie." You mumble, feeling your face turn red as Chan puts your shoes back on. He looks up at you with an amused expression and hums. "It's alright darling." He chuckles, "My jealous little baby." You slap his arm playfully as he gets you up slowly and walks you to the door, this time the grip on your waist being a comforting one.

"I wonder if your cum took or not." You blurt out. Chan looks at you with widened eyes before giggling. "You wouldn't really have to get used to being called mom do you? What with your seven adopted kids." "Our seven adopted kids." You correct him as he blushes and kisses you on the forehead.

"Seven kids who are probably wondering what their mom and dad have been doing backstage."

[joydoesathing]

heres a challenge say everything you love about every single tnmn characters

BET ( but only some doppels will count and the rest don't)

Neighbors

Roman - I like me some serious no-nonsense/ i-am-done-with-life looking guy in accounting :). But he seems to also be actually someone with a soft spot for some things and is actually a really nice and chill dude

Lois - She's so pink and plump and has a beauty mark/mole (people with moles will always have a bonus in my book)

Albertsky - He gives grumpy uncle vibes. Looks like would probably throw hands without hesitation if the situation calls for it

Robertsky - He silly. Love the little quirks in his dialogue where he just greets the doorman "Hi." and says "I look as handsome as ever". Also, I love his outfit. Bro may have no eyebrows and neck visible, but his clothes slay so hard . Like there is no reason why his fit should have a fancy little blue scarf, but yet it does .11/10 XD

Angus - He's a devious looking little shit >:))). And he wears purple and is Italian.

Elenois and Selenne - They pretty women and have a mole

Arnold - His design is just SO CUTE. He reminds me of Jake from Adventure Time with his mustache. But mostly it's the eyes for me. I like to imagine that his eyes would kind of work like this

Gloria - Gives literal ✨Q U E E N ✨ (she could slap me up to the stratosphere and I wouldn't be that mad). Purple and has a mole. Her golden eyes are mesmerizing too

Izaack - His name's cool and he has the stare-into-your-soul blue anime ahh looking eyes

Margarette - Gives nice little auntie vibes and she knows how to make clothes. I would legit ask her for dressmaking tips just so that I could make historical clothes (I love fashion history)

Nacha - Honestly, when I first played the game, she scared the shit out of me because of the Stitchface doppel and I haven't seen her the same for a bit. But after I figured out she's a mom, she didn't seem that bad and I grew quite fond of her. And she cooks too (If you can see a pattern here, I like people who give of parental/familial vibes)

Anastacha - Girl literally gives the doorman attitude like she owns the place XD

Mia - Again, pretty woman. Love the style of her red dress with the pearls.

Dr. W. - Fucking nerd (affectionate)

Francis- The milkman fit looks nice with his face (but I still get war flashbacks from the plethora of thrists arts and the "save the cow, milk the milkman" line being done to death)

Steven - Here's me being a basic bitch rn, but I really, REALLY love them real rugged guy guys (military soldiers, firemen etc.) That, and also he's a tan boi.

Mclooy - Same reason why I like Steven + He's a DILF/GILF. Also I love to point out a little observation of how him and Steven are one of the most American and typically masculine people I can think of (it's quite endearing for me). A military guy and cowboy in one family? They've probably asked what a kilometer is at one point in their adult life.

Alf - He's so tiny and looks so polite. Posh looking lawyer. I love sweet old grandpas.

Rafttellyn - She gives marites energy (it's a Filipino term, you can go search it up) with her dress and style. No joke, she would low-key fit in with these people.

Even her name sounds Filipino to me with the -lynn at the end of her. I even jokingly pronounce her name as rap-ti-lin.

Others + VIPs

Henry: Looks like he really never signed up for the doorman job frfr XD

D.D.D : Amongus???????

Clown Mask: Silly face behind mask

Nightmare Clown: I like how the guy just gets so MAD and in denial when he loses the game in Unlikely, he phases out of the astral plane XD.

Keppler: He may not have a face or proper lore yet, but all I know is that he messed up big time and I wanna know how he's handling that.

42: Reminds me of that one time in science class when we were observing fingerprint patterns

Peach Peach: Probably one peach seed is his only brain cell that's floating around his brain space

Ghost Mask and The Flesh Nurse: Cool looking designs. Do they have lore???

Nightmares

Xezbet - Gargamel looking aah

Drugia - Arabian NIIIIIIGHTS ~~~~~ like Arabian DAAAYS~~~~~~. She looks like a genie :)

Barbatos- Chonky and spiky

Excel - Chonky and spiky, Christmas ham looking ahhh

Abducius - Well, he still has the little devious smile

Anazareth and Lilith - Pretty witchy ladies. Though I like Anazareth a lot more.

Chaugnar - *Siri, please play Ganesha by MASA Works Design". Also elephant <3

Nyogtha- Nice little details with her eyes

Zoth - I like his red robe (?)

Shub - Thick Medusa and she has a little heart shaped tattoo on her forehead

Yog - The fact that he was probably intentionally made to be a Great Value Edward Cullen by Nacho sama as an inside joke about Francis' simps

Quachil - Cute biblically accurate angel. And she floats

Yan - Ooh Chinese mythology reference.

Orcus - "Thirty years since all this happened, thirty years it took to rise. Blood on the floor and in their eyes, they took a bite and left it to die-". I had a FNAF phase before so this was a funny throwback

Ishtar - Goofy ass smile (affectionate)

Teutates - So, does he play in a band ??? XD

Ah Puch - Cutie pie that looks like a slasher villain. Also the surname tho? Gives me The Book of Life flashbacks

Dagda - Bug eyed scarecrow. He does have cool looking mouth stitches

Izanami - Ooooh Japanese mythology reference

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Hi! Idk if you're taking requests like this rn, so no worries whichever way! I love your stuff so much, I tend to search a tag on your blog and then read through a bunch of fics in one big chunk lol.

What do you think of 24hr bodega owner Jason? And reader who has insomnia and goes at like 2am to get random snacks lol. Idk I thought it might be cute, plus potential of him randomly closing to beat up crime etc lol

"Hey, baby!"

Jason looks up from where he's filling a fountain cup of soda to see a woman, smaller than Romi, the cashier, but not by much.

"Hey Romi," you yawn, "Can I get a pack of pods and-"

"You quit that shit," she said sternly, scolding you.

"I know- listen. I'm working on it. Work is ass though. If I gotta train one more guy that thinks he can do my job better than me I'm gonna snap."

Romi chuckled and reached up to get you your pack of pods and then picked up the pack of gum and the energy drink you snagged out of the case, "Cut me in if you ever rob a bank?"

"Hell yeah," you snort, "You'll be the first person I call."

"I'd call your lawyer first," Jason said, grinning as he held his helmet under one arm and his drink cup in his hand. Bruce hated when they ate and drank on patrol- said it looked tacky. But... as long as Jason could remember it had never stopped any of them.

"Point," you allow, pocketing the gum and the pods as you hand over the money. "Ring me out for his too, Romi?"

"You don't-"

"An .89 cent drink is hardly gonna bankrupt me," you snort, giving her another dollar as you crack your can open.

"Thanks," Jason called after you as you leave, giving Romi a cheerful wave. "Who-"

"One of my other regulars," Romi said smiling at him. "Comes in every night like clockwork between 1:30 and 2. Gets her snacks and fucks off. Dunno where she lives or anythin-"

"No, it's fine," he said, smiling, dropping the handful of change he was holding for his drink into a charity jar next to the register. "Just figure anyone that can openly joke about bank robbery with me standing behind them would be fun at parties." And with a cheerful wave of his own, he walked back out into the night. It was quiet, no one was really out. But- you were already gone. Melted into the shadows and disappeared like any Gothamite worth their salt. And he chuckled. Looked like he'd have to come back.

[solidaritygaming-fanblog]

I consumed too much Jimmy and doc content 😭... I'm cooking an au now. Yapping beneath the cut

THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS POST HAS RESET AND NOT SAVED. ANYWAY I SHOULD BE DOING A VERY IMPORTANT PROJECT RN LMAOOO. Thegoddamn "you're triggering my parental insticts" clip has ruined me...

Anyway um. Jimmy is an Intern at a big company, and kinda sucks at his job (it's not his fault...) while Doc is The experienced employee who's had every job title except ceo.

People also prolly joke like "oh Docs next in line for ceo!!!" Sadly he is not But also the ceos an asshole and Doc would actually make a great ceo so it's extra funny. However Jimmy assumes this is Literal.

Sooooo Jimmy is very awkward around Doc and stuff. Doc just seems outward scary and assumes Jimmy is autistic (probably not wrong) so their interactions are just greeting each other in passing using each other's last names (which are "Solid" and "Monstrato" because I do what I like. Monstrato is Latin btw and means monstrous or remarkable)

Now is a good time to mention I know nothing about the criminal justice system.

Anyway Skizz (or someone else idk) was meant to take Jimmy on errands and stuff to show him how to do stuff under company pretense. But oh no!!! Skizz or however wasn't there and the only person with time to spare (for both intern training and errands) is Doc!

Anyway they end up at the bank or sm. (THERE ARE REFRENCES OF VIOLENCE AFTER THIS BTW) and their just doing banking things when people come in to rob the bank!!! And one of them knifes Jimmy in the face before Doc grabs his arm and fucking sprint drags him away. They end up holed up under a desk or sm, and long story shot Doc is very protective and a guy gets shot less than five feet away from them. Jimmy makes direct eye contact with the gunman for a good ten seconds, and the gunmans mask had been pulled down.

When the robbers leave, Jimmy starts falling apart because. Yknow. He saw a guy get murdered, got knifed in the face, and has basically memorized the face of a murder while making eye contact with them. Doc manages to keep Jimmy relatively together though, and this is the first time Jimmy uses Docs first name!!! <3✨️!!!

Anyway idk what else... um Jimmy and Doc only get two days of work because the C.E.O is a bitch, and it's like two weeks until Jimmy starts receiving weird emails... and then an actual peice of mail to his apartment reading "We found you"

anyway yadda yadda yadda you probably know where this is going I'm very tired.

Thx for reading ig. Obligatory screenshot of a Google search I made while typing this post. I am so sleep deprived

Idk what this is I just need art of Jimmy and Doc covered in blood except doc looks angry and is packing MAJOR HEAT (gun). What the fuck am I saying

[boasamishipper]

Hi, I’m intrigued by the Night Court content I’m seeing from you. How did you start up with this show from 40 years ago? Which episodes give you Harry/Dan vibes? (Truly curious! I’m watching the show rn on FreeVee because of you.)

how did i begin watching night court, you ask?

okay so the story ACTUALLY begins several months earlier. i'd been seeing ads for new night court on tv, and i was like hey!! that's the guy from richie rich!! and so i looked up old night court on tvtropes and ao3, found some fics for the show, skimmed them, and moved on with my life.

THEN in november 2023 i got laid off (corporate reorgs my detested) (dw i have since found a new job) and started looking for non-indeed.com ways to fill my hours. cue another commercial for new night court, which was returning to nbc in january. huh, thought i, jokingly. wonder if anybody on here watches this.

one quick tumblr search informed me that there were, in fact, other people who watched this show. specifically the original show. and then i saw this post, thought 'boy that judge and that prosecutor sure have Something going on' and proceeded to devour all nine seasons over the course of two months. (then i caught up with the reboot and watched s2 as it aired.) i posted my first fic, Zeitnot, nine days after i started watching the show, and told my bestie caroline that now that it was up, i had gotten all of my night court thoughts and feelings out of my system and would shortly go back to finishing my other wips.

(narrator voice) she did not, in fact, get all her night court thoughts and feelings out of her system.

anyway so 90k+ words of night court fic later here i Still Am and here i Still Plan To Be for a good long while.

so why night court?

well, to begin, it's the wildest show i have ever seen in my life. it's set in - you guessed it - the night shift of a manhattan arraignment court during the 1980s. the judge (harry stone, played by harry anderson) is a gangly goofy cutie pie dork who loves magic and mel torme and sees the best in people and has the saddest backstory of any of the cast. the prosecutor (dan fielding, played by john larroquette, who won four emmy awards in a row for this role and would have won more if he hadn't taken himself out of consideration to give someone else a chance to win) is a womanizing lecherous pervert with a heart of gold, a sharp tongue, thick hair, and an ass you can bounce a quarter off of. harry shoots plastic snakes in dan's face in their very first meeting and by the end of the show the two are partners in shenanigans and platonic soulmates and perv4perv best friends. (another anon asked me my top harry/dan episodes; i'll answer that in their ask.) other characters include Tall As Fuck Intimidating Ditzy Bailiff Bull Shannon (richard moll), Spunky Naive Morally Upright Prude Public Defender Christine Sullivan (markie post), Hot Court Clerk Who Is Done With Everyone's Shit But Will Nonetheless Participate In The Shenanigans Mac Robinson (charlie robinson), and a collection of short, snarky, tough as nails bailiffs (selma diamond in s1-2, florence halop in s3, and marsha warfield in s4-s9).

the show is incredibly funny. if you don't like one joke wait five seconds and there will be another, even funnier one. physical comedy galore. hijinks and shenanigans everywhere. logic and realism? don't know her. wile e coyote once showed up as a defendant. dan once got so horny he locked himself in a closet and shoved a firehose down his pants. in another episode bull twisted dan into a human pretzel. it has to be seen to be believed.

but what i love most about night court is its heart (something that the sequel series has not found yet, but that's a rant for another day). the characters (at least as long as reinhold weege was involved with the show - again, a rant for another day) feel like real people. they have real flaws. they make hard decisions. they love with all their hearts, and we love them for it. they hurt, and we hurt with them. and the show - especially in the earlier seasons - balances the heart with the humor incredibly well. in 4.01, harry tries to reach out to his mother, who abandoned him when he was five, only to find out that she died, and the show does not shy away from his pain and conflicted emotions. that's the a-plot of the episode. in the b-plot, a ventriloquist's dummy commits suicide. not the ventriloquist. the dummy. and it's one of the best episodes of a start to finish stellar season.

and if you are still not convinced to give the show a try, watch this compilation of the best dan fielding moments. then watch all nine seasons of night court (available for free on freevee!) for more.

[kilosch]

Journal Entry: 10/10/2024

Early Morning Call-Out for a Stranded Hiker: I got a call-out at 3 a.m. for a stranded hiker. It was a straightforward case—the hiker had found his way down, and I met him on the trail. We chatted during the walk back, mostly about his experience getting lost and how he plans to be more prepared next time. I ensured he was alright, and we helped him return to his car safely. Afterward, I headed home and tried to settle back into my routine.

HIIT Workout & Starting Work Early: After returning, I squeezed in a HIIT workout to wake myself up. Then, I started my DHS work early and submitted some referrals by 6 a.m. It was pretty light work, and even though I was working way before my official start time, it didn’t bother me since I’d still get paid for the 8-5 schedule. I tried to nap afterward but ended up being awake when the 8 a.m. A Teamlet 3 meeting invite popped up.

Frustrations During the 8 a.m. Teamlet 3 Meeting: The 8 a.m. meeting started to get on my nerves. Teamlet 3 is my least favorite to work with because the vibes are off, and the approach doesn’t feel right. One of the MCWs shared that she had done outreach with a client and wanted DHS RNs to follow up with another visit. I found myself saying out loud, “Why the fuck would you do that?”—thankfully, I was on mute to maintain some professionalism. Danel, the DHS RN, stepped in and explained that the MCW needed to submit a referral and that the client had to be in the IHOP program (Interim Housing Outreach Program) to qualify. When the MCW admitted the client wasn’t in IHOP, I hit my head on the table three times and facepalmed. It felt like the whole situation could’ve been avoided with a bit more coordination.

Brunch at Panera & Catching Up with Nessa: Later, I grabbed brunch at Panera—a strong cold brew and a BLT. It wasn’t anything special, but it did the job. I debated driving further for Vietnamese coffee but decided against it. I caught up with Nessa and asked why she was online at 1 a.m. She said she was just checking her schedule and couldn’t believe how little I sleep. I told her it’s because of my other job with LASD Search and Rescue, and she joked that she’d malfunction with such little rest.

Preparing for the 1 p.m. Transportation Presentation: I joined a call with Vanessa (NP) to prepare for the 1 p.m. presentation about Transportation. I helped her fine-tune some points and fixed her PowerPoint, making it a bit more polished. By the time we were ready, it was already noon, so I quickly cooked some rice for dinner later.

1 p.m. Presentation & Screen Sharing Duty: During the presentation, I was the one sharing the screen since my gaming computer is ridiculously fast and smooth compared to Vanessa’s. The session went well, and I tried to make it engaging by zooming in on certain points and using annotations to highlight key details. It seemed to keep everyone’s attention, and the feedback was positive.

Afternoon Productivity & Gunsmithing: After the presentation, I got productive around the house—cleaning up and marinating meat for dinner. I also spent some time on gunsmithing, making upgrades to my AR-15 22lr. I replaced the old red dot with a Sig Sauer Romeo and added a Unity riser, along with a PEQ-15. The setup looked “military-like” even though it’s just a .22lr, but it felt good to do something hands-on.

3:45 p.m. Teamlet 2 Meeting & Gas Woes: The 3:45 p.m. Teamlet 2 meeting was smooth until the DMH partners suggested holding our weekly meetings in person going forward. I thought, What the fuck? I’m trying to save on gas. I vented to Nessa about it, and she was lucky enough to leave early today, avoiding the whole discussion.

Filipino Dinner & Gaming: After clocking out at 4 p.m., I cooked a Filipino dinner—Crispy Pata and Dinuguan. My little brother loved it, and I saved some leftovers for my sister. It felt good to cook a proper meal, and the house smelled amazing.

Later, I played Dota 2, and surprisingly, my skills and muscle memory were coming back. It was a good way to unwind, reminding me of my college days when I played competitively.

FaceTime with Nate & Dodgers Chat: In the evening, I had a FaceTime call with Nate, my best friend from Alaska. We caught up on life, talked about how hot it’s been in California despite it being October, and discussed baseball. The Yankees are heading to the ALCS, which Nate wasn’t thrilled about. We also chatted about the Dodgers’ upcoming Game 5 against the Padres in the NLDS. I told him I wasn’t feeling too confident since Yamamoto would be pitching, but Nate encouraged me to have faith. We even made a bet—if the Dodgers make it to the World Series, I’ll buy a ticket for us to watch a game together.

Closing Thoughts: As I’m writing this, I’m lying in bed, ready to finally get some sleep. Today had its ups and downs, but it wasn’t bad overall. Here’s hoping tomorrow brings a little more light.

[anarchistbitch]

IIIIIIIIIIIII bloody hate tumblr, Ive been trying to get all the songs we've reced each other into a playlist but it is not showing me all our asks and the ones it does show me are not in order and i wanted it to be in order ugggghhh im stabbing the screen right now mentally,

anyway at work my team is making a playlist so we can listen to everyone's music taste and here's the link to it, add some in my name please and thankyou<333 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4KeIWHO0lqkpDjXFPxWB7v?si=MToywKdbQM2JdiQWq1se6Q&pt=5d863cd3287ba2fae6b8184d7edce597

xhjdsflsdkf it's so always so funny and embarrassing remembering how this all started, all because i was too shy to take off the anon, but hey, here we are <3

and god yes, monaco is perfect for a roadtrip, it is also perfect for this one fic that i read back around 2019 or 2018, just yesterday i was talking about it with a friend bc it was HUGE fic in the fandom, to the point that there was discourse about the fic which is just fucking ridiculous but anyway, you see, idk if you heard about vld but that shit was huge here on tumblr and i was motherfucking obsessed and then the fandom grew very very large and it just kind of imploded but that's not important, the fic was a current time au where the characters were fake dating for a family reunion and the post breakup-bc-we-caught-feelings-but-we-think-the-other-didnt scene would be SO good with Monaco on the background, tasty 👌🏻

re:the job, yeap, ive been working since february bc i needed a break from uni and this way i justified it to myself and actually work has been so good for me for real, ive met a bunch of people that have become close friends, work has allowed me so much rest compared to mfucking architecture, it's also allowing me to pay for a psychologist which is great and yeah, overall a positive experience, the only problem is that now i dont wanna quit working but i know that i cant both work and continue with architecture, and it is making me question how much of my life i am willing to give to this career, bc i feel so much better now mentally, even my friends have told me how different i seem and how much better i seem to be doing right now that im not at uni and just *slowly slips down from the chair into the floor dramatically*

and you're right in both accounts lmao, it's hot as hell outside, especially since i just went home for the weekend and jesus christ the heat and humidity there are no fucking joke i tell you, on the plus side i came back by plane and that was so nice, right before take off i was SO nervous but after we did i really enjoyed it, it helps that it turned 8 hours in a cramped seat into half an hour in a slightly less cramped seat lol, some of the pics i took bc i couldnt help myself will follow this paragraph that just ran away from me literally but anyways, it's horribly hot outside but at work they always have the bloody aircon either too high or too low, no in between with those people

the edit also had me on sliding dramatically to the floor holy shit, the song fits Miles so well and im just 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 it's so easy to have that part get stuck in your head btw, i halfway think about it and i have it stuck in my head for at least the next hour

song rec of the ask: heaven iowa by fall out boy, i fucking love fall out boy, they're my band for real

-M, aka Denisse, aka blue iconed mutual who wanted you to know bc they had a major crush on you but didnt want you to know bc she is shy as fuck aka just a silly goofy person who covers her eyes and groans when she thinks too much about the anon asking bc they get embarrassed easily jsfhjds byyye love you, take care, sending you tons of hugsssss

back to old traditions-> me answering every ask 3 weeks late😔

oooooh lemme search them up and make a playlist later :)) i mostly have them in my liked akshually

what if i added oli london huh. what if i added peppa pig🤨oink wsbdfjkerkjh idk if i had good song recs rn but ill try to add smth later :3

. . . . .

do i . a person whos been on tumblr for almost 8 ish years know about Voltron:Legendary Defenders - the ships from which top the tumblr ecosystem almost every year- the fandom from which i have trauma(not actually but i did cry at shiro's implied death and subsequent clonign lmaooo😭😭😭)

dm me the link bby🤙🏽🤙🏽[i stated on the side of. ahem . omegaverse/werewolves plus soulmate aus]

im glad that youre happy with ur job!!! im entirely unqualified to give any career advice [seriously though -my chosen career is like. its good but its also like 7 years of studying and idek know if i should pursue it rnnn] so honestly🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

honestly im just real glad that ur doing good <3 being in college/uni is both good and bad but hey its not like you cant go back to it at anytime yk? you'd be doing incredible things anyway, it'll just have different terms

ahh the weather here is so shit it's always on the edge of raining and then its like nah😜

i actually like love airplane pics on insta , also the mountains!!!! my old flat used to be near a mountain and i miss it so much😭

i couldnt see atsv in theatres cause of so many things but i finally saw it and it was. like actually life changing . and also i have to fuck miguel o hara btw

OH MAN. i need to confess smth. me and my friends had , a file. like a plastic file with paper with lyrics to FOB songs that we used to write in our free periods and sing in the back of the class😭😭 i miss it so much [it being time. place, ppl. yk how it is]

so much for stardust ended up being one of my fav albums of their forever- after mania and save rock and roll

[but seriously the words 'scar-crossed lovers' brought back the 14yr old geek obsessed with fantasy books in me out again]

😳😳😳

omg well heres to my blue iconned mutual who i wouldve been dming a lot sooner had i been a lit bit more brave but am ultimately glad to have known even after a little longer

much love and many hugs 😚😚😚

[mercur1e]

Saw your Father’s Day post and I knew I had to ask for it:

Dilf!Jean x Teacher!Black reader fic

I’ll let you pick whether it’s sfw or nsfw, I just need some Jean content rn😌

YES OML

Contains: Modern AU, female anatomy but no pronouns

Jean has had his eye on you for a while now. You're his kid's teacher, he know he shouldn't be feeling this way. But he can't help it. You're so kind and beautiful. You're great with the kids, and always patient with them. And god, your smile. That pretty, pretty smile. When he dropped Julia off at the first day of school, you had smiled and introduced yourself. Nothing unusual, it's just common courtesy. So why was he acting like a teenager in love all over again? He brushed it off thinking it was just because he hasn't dated in a while. Ever since his divorce he hasn't really been interested in dating.

Everytime Jean would pick up his child he made small talk with you. About his daughter, about your jobs, anything that would get you to talk to him. Jean would subtly compliment you, telling you that you look pretty or that a color looks good on you. Hell, he pointed out when you changed your hair up for a day, even if it wasnt anything major. Every once in a while he would lightly flirt with you, questioning how you're single and asking if you have a s/o. You'd always reply that you haven't been interested in anyone around here.

And it wasn't one sided, no. You'd glance at him when (you thought) he wasn't looking, looking as handsome as ever. His slicked back hair and style would make anyone swoon. A million dollar smile, great personality, and he was a good father? You wanted to be with him, you really did. But as a teacher you know you shouldn't. But the school year is almost out, you wish he would make a move.

Today was just like any other day, Jean came to pick up his kid and he was making small talk with you. Talking to you about your plans for the summer, and where you would like to go. Meanwhile Jean was was worrying about how to ask you out. "Do I just say it? Do I slip it in? Shit. Fuck it I'll just say it."

As you were talking about your summer plans, Jean interrupted you. "I..I was wondering if I can take you out on a date? If not I'm sorry that-"

"I've been waiting for you to say that." A smile forms on your lips. "I thought I'd become a corspe before you asked me out!" You poke in a joking manner.

Jean chuckled at you. "Well how about as an apology for making you wait so long, I take you out to dinner tonight?" He says while smiling at you. God, he's got a nice smile.

"I would love that. Is 7 o'clock good for you?" You ask Jean while writing your number on a slip of paper and handing it to him.

"Works for me. It won't be hard finding a babysitter for Julia for the night. I'll see you then sweetheart."

The rest of the school day went by fast. Happy to be home, you search through you closet to find something to wear. After digging in your closet you found your perfect outfit. Putting it on and standing infront the mirror you looked damn good in it. Going into the bathroom to finish up your hair and getting the look you wanted, you were almost done. Now you just had to find the right fragrance and any other additions. And with that, you were ready for your date. Hearing a knock on your door, you go to answer it.

You're met with Jean, looking as handsome as ever. He has on a dress shirt with some slacks, paired with a nice watch and shoes. Eyeing you up and down, he shoots you a smirk.

"You look amazing."

"And you look handsome, which is a shocker for you." You play, he knows he looks even on his worst days.

Jean guffawed at your comment. "Uh huh, like I don't notice you checking me out almost everyday at school."

Locking your door behind you, you two begin walking towards his car. "Guess I'm not as sneaky as I thought."

"Nope, you're shit and trying to be sneaky."

"Oh shut up!" You giggled as you slapped his arm lightly. He opens the car door for you and you get in.

"So, where are we going?" You ask once he gets in the car.

"It's a surprise, but I think you'll like it when we get there."

As he was driving, you two talked and joked together. It wasn't a very long ride, maybe about 15-20 minutes until you arrived to the destination. It was a popular steakhouse that had recently opened up, and it wasn't cheap either.

"I've always wanted to go here, I've heard good things about this place." Looking around the parking lot, you could tell it wasn't a super busy night but they had business, that's good.

"Me too. I've heard good things about the place and its owned by a local chef." Holding out his hand to you, you take it as you're getting out of the car. To his pleasant surprise, you hold on to his hand until you two are seated at the table he reserved. The rest of the date went wonderfully, you both thoroughly enjoyed dinner and had fun getting to know each other more. And of course taking playful jabs at each other and eating dessert.

Pulling up in front of your house, Jean helps you out the car and walks you to your front door.

"I really enjoyed tonight, I loved every bit of it. Thank you for treating me to dinner."

"Of course." Jean replies, secretly hoping you'd you'd kiss him.

You two sat in silence for a few minutes until you looked him in the eye. His eyes were shining, hoping that you'd make a move. Finally, you broke the silence.

"Can I kiss you-" You didn't even finish your sentence before his lips landed on yours. He pulled back though, the kiss ending as quick as it started. You kissed him again. And again, until it turned into a full blown makeout session. "Do you want to go inside?" You asked once you finally caught your breath. Jean nodded at you, eyes now clouded with need. Opening your door, you barely have time to register what happened. Jean's got you pressed against your door, lips back on yours. Running your hands through his hair you let his tongue roam your mouth. He sucks on your tongue while trying to take your clothes off. "Mm, not here, my bedroom." While hurrying towards your bedroom, articles of clothing litter your hallway as you both rush to take off your clothes. After you get into the bedroom Jean motions for you to lay on the bed.

Laying between your legs, he leaves kisses on your navel and thighs, avoiding where you need him the most. Taking a long finger and swiping up your slit, he feels just how wet you are for him.

"Fuck, I've been waiting to do this for so long."

You hum in agreement. "Me too, I've wanted you for so long"

Licking a stripe up your pussy, you shiver under him. He kitten licks your clit before sticking a long finger into you. Your vagina clenches around the digit, adjusting to it after a minute.

"Another" you mewl, wanting more of him. He listens, putting his index finger in. He moves his fingers in a scissoring motion, loving the way you feel around him. His fingers are coated with your juices, creating a wet sound every time he thrusted them into you. Sucking on your clit, you moan and twitch under him. He speeds his fingers up, and starts sucking at your clit more harshly.

"Ah! Ah! M' gonna cum!"

"That's right, come for me baby. Cum all over my fingers."

Your body shivers from your orgasm as your hole convulses around Jean's fingers, creaming around him. He takes his fingers out of you, and you whine at the loss. He takes his fingers up to his mouth and sucks on them.

"You tatse so good baby. So good for me. Can't wait to have you screaming for me."

He looks so hot like this. Hair disheveled and out of place, lust filled eyes just waiting to devour you. He takes his dick and strokes it a few times before pushing your legs against your chest. He lines himself up at your entrance, and slowly pushes in. It stings at first, he's so big. You already feel full, before you look down and see that you've only taken half of him. Jean slowly eases the rest of himself into you, before he's finally buried to the hilt. You swear you can feel him in your throat.

"Y-you can move baby, I can take it."

Jean smirks at you. "You sure?"

"Mhm..keep going."

Once Jean knew you were okay he started roughly thrusting into you. Leaning down to suck at your nipples, your hand grabbed at his hair. Tugging lightly at it, you wrangled a low groan out of the man above you. He can tell you're close because your moans are getting louder and he can feel you tightening around his dick.

"You gonna cum for me baby? Want me to fill you up?"

"Mm Mhm!"

"Say it."

"Cum in my Jean, please!"

He smirked. "Anything you want baby."

Slamming his hips into you, Jean's abusing your poor g-spot at this point. He flips you over so you're face down ass up and you can tell he's close too by the way his dick is twitching inside of you.

"Fuck! Fuck! I'm cummimg, I'm cumming-"

"That's it baby, come all over me."

Jean doesn't let up even after you've come. Your overstimulated pussy fills the room with sloppy noises. Jean gives a few more rough thrusts before coming inside of you. You both simultaneously groan out, you feel even fuller than before. He pulls out of you, feeling a sense of pride as he watches some of his cum drip out of your pussy.

Rolling over onto your back, you gaze up at Jean. A fucked out grin makes its way onto your face. Jean smiles back down at you before he lays down onto your chest.

"Is it selfish if I say I don't want this to end?" He mumbles in between the valley of your breats.

"Mm no. Because I don't want it to end either. I really like you Jean, I mean it." Your hand runs through his hair, its original style long gone.

"I really like you too, you think we could make something outta this? Maybe even a relationship?"

You giggle. "Is this your way of asking me to be your s/o?"

"Yeah...pretty shitty way huh?" Jean let's out a small laugh.

"Hmm yes, but I accept. I'll be your s/o."

"Guess it's not stupid if it works hm?" Jean leans up to plant a kiss against your lips.

"Oh shut up you!"

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THIS DONE YESTERDAY BUT I FEEL ASLEEP! Anyways I hoped you liked it! Thank you for requesting and feedback is appreciated!! Have a good day! <33

This is my original work. Do not steal, repost, or copy my works. All works on this belong to @c00chi

[liyawritesss]

ahh so ik you’re writing that thing for midoriya rn👀 but i’m too lazy to write this for myself and i just KNOWWW you’ve got great taste in food based on the bourbon chicken so could you write like cooking with them hcs for whoever you wanted 🥺👉👈

MHA Boys & Cooking Soul Food w/ Their S/O

Now you KNOW I was tripping that night why'd you bring up the bourbon chicken again 😭😭😭😭

Okay but cooking Soul Food with the boys could either end cutely or as a horrible disaster, and we all know the chaos they bring with them.

For this I'll be writing for Bakugo, Midoriya, Todoroki, Hawks, and Shinsou. If requested I can do more! And for the sake of time they're gonna be a bit short.

Warnings: fem!black/poc!reader, cursing, aizawa feature, angry cooking oil, domestic fluff

Bakugo Katsuki

He knows his way around the kitchen so he'll prove helpful when cooking

You have to tell him that cooking Japanese food is different from American soul food

He watches you pull out a small book of recipes and he's like "wtf why do you need that" cuz in most Asian countries they don't measure ingredients, they just dump the shit In and hope for the best

You tell him that soul food is a hit or miss kind of thing, kind of like how ppl cook in Asian countries, but if you wanna hit it on the dot, you need to be precise with the ingredients of your dish.

Plus, not everyone makes soul food the same way, so the way your parents made it could be different from the way your aunt made it, or your grandma. You add your own flare to it down the generations.

You start with some simple dishes like baked macaroni, cried chicken, etc

At first he gets frustrated bc it's his first time cooking something not Japanese so its all new to him

But after you encourage him to keep trying he gets the hand of it.

After a few times of cooking with you, he'll be close to a pro at it.

Still doesn't like to follow the recipes directions bc they don't make much sense for him, but will do it anyway for your sake

Almost always gets popped by the cooking oil when frying chicken

"Shitfuckdamnitwhy'dthathavetohurtlikethat!!!" He says through gritted teeth

You now have an inside joke about how fried chicken doesn't like him

Midoriya Izuku

Broccoli boy loves watching you cook, especially when its something you love

He hears you jamming in the kitchen and knows that you're making soul food

He once went with you to the market and remembered searching for smoked meat for like an hour

Lowkey feels bad sometimes that you can't always cook the food that reminds you of your roots

Won't pester you about helping unless you offer, he knows that it's a pretty meticulous process

However if you want him to cook with you, expect lots of questions

"How come there's so many eggs that go in the macorni?"

"Its macaroni, babe."

"Is the egg batter for the chicken needed?"

"Yeah, it makes the chicken crisper."

Does he have a secret notebook of soul food recipes that he studies so that he can one day make you a soul food meal?

Abso-fucking-lutely.

He does such a good job every time so you give him kisses as a reward

Todoroki Shouto

Is a bit too hesitant to step into the kitchen when you're cooking

1) for obvious reasons

2) he figures that its something sacred so he doesn't want to bother

Is completely content with watching you cook and letting his mouth water from the amazing smell

If you ask him to cook with you, he's going to wait for you to give him directions on what to do

He doesn't wanna mess anything up

Out of consideration you keep him away from the stove, have him on the counter cutting, slicing, dicing ingredients or layering the macaroni or lasagna

Finds it oddly therapeutic and will sometimes stare as his way of asking can he help.

"I've never really cooked before, but with you it's very calming and therapeutic. I enjoy it a lot."

There are times where in the middle of cooking you'll just share long hugs and hold eachother because memories 🥺

Hawks (Takami Keigo)

Omg you made fried chicken ONCE and this mf damn near stops ordering takeout

Like mans falls in LOVE with that friend chicken.

Begs to be in the kitchen while you cook, saying that he can be of use

But babies big wings makes him take up so much space

But he still insists so you have to oblige

You try to teach him how to cook it

And it goes well at first until its time to take it out

You couldn't find the tongs or the cooking chopsticks so you went to grab a fork you conveniently keep in your room

And he tries to use his feathers to take the chicken out of the hot cooking oil

So you came back to see some of his feathers half burnt on the ground, and Hawks nervously scratching the back of his neck

"So I may have tried to Improvise...hehe."

"What in the world made you think that was a good idea, Kei?"

"I can normally do a lot of things with them though!"

You just shake your head and send him to the living room with a kiss

Maybe next time Kei

Shinsou Hitoshi

He actually comes home/back to the dorms from training with Aizawa to see you cooking in the kitchen

He generously asks if you need any help, and you say sure why not

Probably the most attentive, and makes no mistakes.

Follows the directions you give him and the measurements from the recipes, even though they are kind of weird to him as well.

And everything's so specific, he has to ask you for clarification

"Is this the right measurement? I feel like I'm off..."

Will 100% laugh if you start making jokes in the kitchen

Will also probably only want to eat your soulfood cooking now.

Both of you will show up to Aizawa's door with a plate

"We made you dinner since you haven't eaten all day."

Aizawa is SOFT you can't convince me otherwise

"Oh, thank you. You should head to bed now."

Shinsou and Aizawa now have regular talks about your cooking and its adorable

My heart lowkey combusted with so many cute ideas with them like pls 🥺🥺 the way I simp for these men

I hope you enjoyed this @todorkihoe

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don't be shy to send a request!

[nowoyas]

As Long As You’re Here (I Will Live Like This)

A/N: day 14 of @birds-have-teeth​‘s Izumonth collab. little incoherent rn last editing pass probably missed something pls be nice to me. title references the song Twelve Feet Deep by The Front Bottoms.

Summary: Your boyfriend comes to your house one day bleeding profusely. You pick up the pieces and chat about the future. (vigilante!Izuku x reader)

Warnings: some blood/wounds, a non-explicit level of injury + the ensuing first aid

Word count: 2700+

Logically speaking, you know Izuku is up to something when he's not with you. He's accident prone beyond the limits of accident prone. You honestly can't recall the last time you saw him where you didn't notice a new bruise or cut on him. The bruises can be explained easily—he's told you before he takes martial arts classes, he's taught you plenty a thing about self-defense so that's easy to believe, but the cuts?

You have to wonder whether his martial arts classes involve disarming each other with real knives.

The first time you noticed how deep his propensity to injury really went, he had a poorly-bandaged cut over his eyebrow that, sure, scarred up prettily (you'd be lying if you said it didn't make him ten times hotter), but was deep enough that you know it should've gotten stitches, even if he insisted on having just your help in the matter.

That was somewhere in the realm of eighteen months ago.

Tonight, he comes to see you after one of his classes and promptly almost collapses in your doorway, which is infinitely less concerning in light of the fact that he's bleeding all over your fucking carpet. Honestly, at first you don't recognize him. He's got on a hoodie you've never seen him wear before, a cheap mask tied around his eyes, and you almost call the cops before you recognize the tufts of green hair poking out of his hood and then the hoodie itself.

"Holy shit, Izuku" leaves your mouth somewhat before your brain catches up to the fact that you're not just looking at your boyfriend of looking at the vigilante Jackrabbit that's been giving both cops and local pro heroes hell for ages, not to mention the villains. No one could ever seem to figure out his quirk, either, so they couldn't track down the vigilante via the quirk registry, which makes a hell of a lot of sense when compared with that fact that your boyfriend is quirkless.

"S-sorry," he coughs, flashing you a brilliant smile as you pull his hands away from his abdomen. "My base was a bit too far. Didn't mean for you to find out like this. C-can I ask you for some first aid?"

"Okay, okay, okay, just... come on, let me get you to my bathroom so you don't bleed on absolutely everything. Can you walk a bit further for me?"

He nods, biting his lip, and you loop his arm over your shoulder to support him on his way, kicking your door shut behind him.

"Take your hoodie and shirt off and hold this to the wound while I get ready," you order, sitting him down on your toilet and shoving a random towel at him. You rifle through your cabinets for your first aid kit, muttering mostly to yourself. "Honestly, you're lucky I've got a healing quirk and I love you."

"I love you too," he groans, shifting in his seat.

"Stop talking. We can talk about your 'martial arts classes' when I'm done saving your life."

He pointedly shuts his mouth, peeling his hoodie and shirt off in one go in a way that might be sexy if not for the way his blood is smeared across his side.

"What happened?" you ask quickly, kneeling in front of him and pressing the towel back against the wound.

He winces. "Thought you didn't want me talking, angel."

You roll your eyes. "Oh my god, can you stop joking around when you're literally bleeding all over my bathroom?"

"Sorry, sorry. I got, uh, I got shot." He admits this meekly, as if it's not something horrifically concerning. He's got one hand over his face the way he does when he's trying to hide his blush from you after you've teased him and he’s too embarrassed to look at you. 

"Shot," you repeat calmly, gingerly pulling the towel away and preparing to properly clean the wound. "So there's a bullet and-or shrapnel in here, and I can't go straight to disinfecting or using my quirk."

"Probably."

You release a heavy sigh, forcing yourself to stay as calm as possible. "Alright. This is probably going to hurt. I'm sorry I can't hold your hand while I do this, baby."

He nods, biting his lip as you set about cleaning out his wound. When everything's good and clean, you take a few deep breaths and focus your quirk, not letting up until you're sure the wound is completely closed. You're still gentle as you wipe the blood away, though whatever pain he's still in is probably nothing compared to the way he felt before. The spot where he'd been shot is completely healed over, the only signs that it ever happened being the slightest scarring.

When you're certain that he's not losing any more blood and that everything is okay, you finally release a proper breath, dropping your head forward to rest on his lap. "You did a good job," you breathe against his thigh. "You should–you should get cleaned up. Take a s-shower."

"Are you okay?" he asks, like he didn't get shot tonight. Like your adoring boyfriend hasn't been moonlighting as a vigilante for god only knows how long. Like he couldn't have died if you hadn't had a healing quirk, like he couldn't get arrested and go to jail like his life isn't in danger–

"I will be," you say clearly, except it's too fast and shaky and not clear at all.

"Hey. Love. Look at me?" His hand rests on your head, grounding you, and you shift to rest your chin on his leg. He frowns at the sight, tugging you up and leaning over so he can bring you into a hug. "I'm okay," he whispers. "You don't need to cry."

"When were you going to tell me?"

"I... [Name], I'm sorry. I never meant to keep this from you." He's slow, careful in his words and the way his hands attempt to soothe you. "There wasn't... When we first started out, I didn't know if I should, and then I wanted to, but it was never the right time, so I..."

You sniffle, desperately trying to rein in your tears. "Izuku, you could have died."

"I saved someone's life today, though. I-I can't say I regret it."

You pull away to look him in the eye. "Please be careful. I don't want people I love getting hurt."

He nods, pressing his forehead against yours. "I'll try."

You peck his nose, intertwining your fingers with his. "We need to wash the rest of the blood off you. How are you feeling? Dizzy?"

"No, I feel fine. Got a bit of a stomachache, though."

You roll your eyes. "Huh, I wonder what could have caused that. Strip and get in the bath, idiot."

He lets out a bark of laughter. "Will you join me?"

You pause. You were going to go soak his clothes to get the blood out and maybe order some Chinese, but... "Give me five minutes and I will. I'm going to make sure the blood comes out of your shirt and your hoodie first."

He mock-salutes as you stand, and you leave the room on unsteady feet, Izuku's top and jacket in hand.

You soak them in the kitchen sink, the red of the water making you cringe. That's Izuku's blood. Izuku. Your Izuku. You plug the sink, shut off the water, and return to where Izuku is splashing water over the spots of blood he can find.

He doesn't notice your return just yet. Carefully, you slip out of your clothes, kneeling next to the bath to dip a hand in the water and run it across his back soothingly.

His back muscles jump beneath your touch, his head turning just slightly to look at you. "Everything settled?"

"For now," you hum, eyes trained on his back and the various scars and bruises there. Panic bubbles in your chest at the sight–how many near death experiences has he had that he's been shaking off? "I was gonna order Chinese, but I don't wanna be away from you right now."

"Want me to spend the night?"

"Please," you answer too quickly. "I just... I'll worry if I can't see you." You stand, carefully slipping into the water with him to help him rinse away the blood.

He presses a kiss to your forehead, resting his lips there as he murmurs. "Guess I should just move in so I don't have to worry you, huh?"

"Guess you should," you retort. Your hands roam his body, partially under the pretense of helping him clean off what little blood remains, but mostly because you're searching. "It's a shame, too. Must be a real hassle for you." A bruise under his rib cage. You heal it right away.

Izuku smiles against you. "As if I could ever complain about waking up with you every morning."

"As if you will," you snort. "Move in with me so I can make you sleep on the couch for a week for scaring me like you did."

"Surely there's some other way I could apologize," he declares with a dramatic gasp, one hand clapping over his bare chest.

"Start by laying back and not moving around so much, you'll splash water everywhere and I already have to get your blood out of my carpet."

He reaches for a shampoo bottle as he complies. You lightly slap his hand away with a playful glare. "No, you just got shot. You're not doing anything. Let me take care of you, Izu honey."

"But [name]–"

You cut him off with a soft kiss, capping the shampoo and beginning to massage his scalp. Now that you're at this stage, you're sure he has no willpower left to object. You snuggle up against him, shampooing his hair one-handed as you rest your head on his chest.

"I was serious, you know."

"About?" he borderline purrs, pressing his head into your touch.

"A lot of things, but mostly the scaring the shit out of me and the moving in with me parts. You don't have to, but I'd feel a lot better if you at least came back here after any patrols you do or fights you get into so I can heal you up."

"Won't that tire you out?" he protests. Everything sounds weaker when you're playing with his hair, but he does have a solid point.

"Using my quirk a lot will make me tired, but I get better rest when I'm sleeping in your arms anyway. More importantly, if I can keep you alive and well, I want to do it."

"I'm surprised you haven't said anything about me stopping the whole vigilante thing yet."

Your fingers still in his hair. Sure, you'd love it if he stopped. Nothing makes you feel worse than the thought that Izuku could be risking his life, but... "As much as I love you and want you to be safe, I want you to be happy, too," you admit. "If... If being Jackrabbit and giving all the local heroes and villains hell makes you happy, then I want to support that. Even if I'm really scared for you."

"Oh my god, marry me," he breathes, so fast and so faint you scarcely catch it.

"I'll marry you, but only if you buy me steak first," you hum. 

"Deal. A steak dinner, and a ring. I'll try to swing that."

"You better, idiot. I want to spend my life with you."

It's his turn to go still now, freezing as you tactically drip water on his head to rinse his hair. "I-if you're serious, then..."

Cheeks heat up in tandem. "Of course I'm serious. I love you. I never want to lose you. The days I wake up with you are the best days of my life. I'd adore being married to you."

Strong arms wrap around you and pull you tight. "I-I don't really think I'm good enough to marry you just yet," he says. Firm kisses pepper the top of your head, mixed with a few hot tears, before he continues. "But someday, when I can... When I can be confident enough to not worry you, I swear we'll get married, if you'll still have me then."

You frown. "Izuku baby, it'll be a cold day in hell before I stop worrying about your cute, reckless ass."

"Hell freezes over every year, actually. It's a little town in the United States. Gets ice a lot."

"You would know that, nerd."

"I thought I was an idiot?" 

"You can be both," you say with a pout. He chuckles and plants a few more kisses on top of your head.

The water is lukewarm when you both decide to get out of the bath. Standing before Izuku, you grab the fluffy towel before he can and begin patting him dry, pressing soft kisses against every scar and bruise that litters his skin. Soon, you move to kissing his freckles, too, and before long, you're kissing him indiscriminately as he laughs and tries to towel you off.

You're maybe halfway through kissing every inch of him when he uses the towel to pull you up and meet his lips. His arms are back around you in an instant. "I love you," he huffs. "I love you so much."

"Mm, love you more."

"No," he pouts. "You don't get to make that decision."

"What are you gonna do, stop me?" You punctuate your sentence with another quick peck to his lips, attempting to wriggle out of his vice grip. "Lemme go, cutie, I've gotta order dinner."

"Not until you admit that I love you more."

"Noooo," you protest, “I can’t make myself lie to youuu.”

Several loud knocks sound from your front door, causing both you and Izuku to freeze up. You glance at him with a worried look. "You wait in here, just in case."

"One moment, please!" you shout, scurrying into your bathroom. You quickly yank yourself into a pair of Izuku's sweatpants and a loose top, not bothering with underwear for the time being. Your worst fears are confirmed when you open your front door to find a pair of cops standing on your doorstep.

"Oh! Good evening, officers." You're suddenly very glad for your acting classes when you were still in school. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"We've received reports of the vigilante Jackrabbit being spotted running around this apartment complex," the taller man answers, producing a picture of your boyfriend from above, his face obscured by his hood. "We're asking if you know anything about his whereabouts."

You frown, putting on your best worried expression. "Isn't that dangerous? I can't say I know anything about it, though, officer."

The shorter man peers at your floor, then back to you with a worried look. "Do you mind telling us why your carpet's covered in blood?"

Oh shit. "Oh, that?" Your face goes blank as you try to think of an explanation. "Nothing serious, no need to worry. I cut myself super badly while playing with a pocketknife earlier, but I've got a healing quirk, so it's not an issue! I was more interested in cleaning the wound and getting into not-bloody clothes, so I haven't gotten around to dealing with my carpet yet!"

"Well, glad to hear you're alright, then. Be safe, and be more careful with knives goin' forward."

You nod, forcing a grateful smile. "Right! Thank you, officers. Sorry I couldn't be of any real help."

"You know, I hear that Coca-Cola's great for gettin' out bloodstains. Might help with your carpet, there."

"Oh! Great! I'll look into that."

"Give the station a call if you find any information about that vigilante, alright?"

You nod enthusiastically. "Of course! Anything to keep the peace. You both have yourselves a lovely evening while I try to get all this blood out of my carpet."

You wave the officers a good night, and slowly close your door, listening as their footsteps trail away to the next door in your building. 

You find Izuku standing nervously in your bedroom, anxious eyes searching your face as if he didn't listen in to the whole conversation. Slowly, you press the top of your head to his chest. "We need to set some ground rules for your Jackrabbit hoodie if you're gonna live here."

He nods. "Talk about it over Chinese food? I ordered while you spoke with the cops."

"Yeah. We'll talk about it over dinner."

Tags: @tooloudarts​ @sapid-rose​ @xxangelpridexx​ @birds-have-teeth​ @icythotsenpai​ @warmchoccymilk​ @wesparklebitch​ @izoodles​ @fujimoribaby​ @my-bnha-things​ @denise-the-death-goddess​ @themerpenguin​ @sincerebubbles​ @themmmelissa @fudobaby​

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 5x04- And the clerk had a firm...

You can tell I’m enjoying this season when episodes air on Thursdays and I’ve written a recap by Friday night. More under the cut, as always. 

I woke up very early on Thursday morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I decided to just watch this episode on my phone (I write these on rewatch). I’m sure the show was hoping that the upside-down clips of fake!Love Island would be disorienting, but wow, did this work on me. Between the lack of sleep and how plausible it would’ve been for me to accidentally have my phone upside-down with rotation lock on... I truly thought it was an ad for Love Island and also had to pause the episode to check my phone settings. Good job, show!

It turns out, however, that Carmen is doing a headstand and watching reality TV on her laptop. Very happy to see Carmen at home. It would be easy for the show to have her just be a mysterious presence at the firm, so even seeing her do perfectly normal things is a good reminder that she is a whole person and not just Associate Who Will Defend Anyone.  

(I wouldn’t have expected Carmen to enjoy reality tv, but then again, I love Big Brother so...)

Carmen lives in a studio that doesn’t look like it is brand new!!! I’m ridiculously excited to see an apartment that actually looks like a place someone fresh out of law school might live. I’d believe it if Carmen lived in a studio in a luxury building or a one-bed on the salary she’s surely making at RL, but it’s very refreshing to see a character who isn’t super-wealthy on this show that tends to be about, well, very wealthy people.  

Carmen is smarter than every other character on this show and on most TV shows: instead of opening the door without taking any precautions, she puts the chain on first. Remember how people used to just show up at Alicia’s door when she was the governor’s wife, and she’d always just open the door and look surprised?  

Charles Lester is at Carmen’s door even though it’s nearly midnight. She tries to get him to leave, but he insists on staying. She closes the door to undo the chain, and uses the privacy of the closed door to grab a makeshift weapon, just in case.

Carmen explains her apartment by saying, “student loans.” So she doesn’t come from (excessive) money. (Or she was cut off by her family, but I feel like the early character description of Carmen said something about her family not having money.)  

Lester has something very important to tell Carmen, but all his notes are on different scraps of paper and, even though he says his information is time sensitive, he takes his time looking for the right piece of paper.

He says Carmen can’t say she heard the info from him, blah blah. He’s there to share that in ten minutes, someone at the firm is going to be searched by the FBI. This info comes, of course, from Rivi.  

Do we think Lester has to reference his notes to remember that the FBI is searching a name partner of Carmen’s firm? Or do we think he’s fucking with her? I think the latter.

Carmen was doing exercises to help with migraines, btw.  

Carmen calls Diane to tip her off. Diane and Kurt are already asleep, but luckily, Diane has her phone on full volume and takes the call. She’s not happy about it and asks if it can wait until tomorrow. Asks is the wrong word—she instructs the caller to hang up if it can wait.  

Even though Carmen can’t say where she got the information, Diane knows it must be from Rivi. Seems obvious enough.

Kurt gets out of bed and starts locking up guns and getting to work; Diane calls Liz. Liz is in bed with a guy we’ve never seen before and she does not really want to talk.  

Liz notes that the info also could’ve come from Wolfe-Coleman, since Carmen is “tangled up with some rough characters.”  

I’m sorry, fake Netflix CEO man... WHY ARE YOU STILL TRYING TO KISS AND PLAY WITH LIZ WHEN SHE IS ON THE PHONE TALKING ABOUT PURGING FILES AND THE FBI????  

I don’t even hold this against the character. This is one of those things the writers of this show LOVE doing to heighten tension. They think people behave like this in real life and that it’s funny to have a million competing priorities at once, so they insist on doing things like this. In reality, I would be concerned about any person who did not hear “FBI” and go, “um, what the hell is happening? I should stop trying to fuck rn.”  

Kurt starts burning papers. Is no one going to point out that maybe being on the phone (after you KNOW you’ve had NSA issues) talking about tips from powerful criminals and asking questions that are pretty clearly about document destruction... is a bad strategy?  

Dude, why are you STILL GOING after Liz clearly tells you to stop!? Do you want me to hate you?!  

Liz adds Jay to the call. He is asleep and also his hallucination from the premiere is (sadly) back. I still don’t get what they’re going for with this, so I’ll just be happy that (1) there is only one hallucination this time and (2) it’s only on screen for a minute.  

This dude is really chanting “Let me see ‘em!” at Liz while she is on a frantic work call! This is how we are introduced to him! This is not funny! If this weren’t being played for laughs/to raise the stakes by having a lot going on I would be calling this man misogynistic!

Liz remembers that Diane has full boxes of files! They spill onto the floor as she tries to hide them! Drama!  

And then the FBI arrives, so Diane asks Liz to take her 9 am with Wackner

The FBI enters, accompanied by... Nancy Crozier! Nancy is now an AUSA for some reason!

Nancy has graduated from “just a girl from Michigan” to using her pregnancy for dramatic effect. I guess she’s aged into being Patti Nyholm, or something. (I would LOVE to see Patti Nyholm show up on TGF.)  

I know the client files are top of mind for Diane, but isn’t it kind of obvious that the FBI would be there about Kurt, given that the FBI was talking to Kurt days earlier?  

9 mins in is early for credits!! (This first act flies, too—did not feel like 9 minutes.)  

I say this once an episode, but isn’t it so fun to see all the characters from season one of TGW pop up in season five of TGF?  

Liz sees her new man, Del Cooper, in reception. He’s a client. They try to be professional with each other. Liz remembers Diane’s 9 am with Wackner and asks the receptionist to tell her when he arrives. She dismissively says it’s “Some judge guy.” Wackner is, of course, already there and watching the interaction with interest. He uses this as an opportunity to “look for the restroom,” observe Liz meeting with someone else, and walk down to the associate floor.

He asks associate Leah (we’ve definitely seen her several times before) where he’s supposed to go for the staff meeting. She asks if he means the partner meeting or the associate one—he wants whichever is more interesting. She says she only knows about the associate meeting, and so he tags along.

Leah and Lucy (the associate from last week; Michael Boatman’s daughter) talk and assume that Wackner is from STR Laurie and thus in charge of the fate of their careers.  

The associate meeting is fairly small—Leah refers to it as their “daily” so I wonder if it’s more like a team meeting than a meeting of all the associates.  

The COTW is about a comedian who isn’t always PC. FakeNetflix is getting a lot of Twitter pushback.  

“Ah, so you’re worried about being cancelled,” Liz notes. “Don’t say the ‘C’ word,” Del jokes. Then he asks the firm to do a sensitivity read of the comedian’s act.

Liz asks why them. David doesn’t get why she’s asking, though obviously Liz knows he won’t be offended by her question since they have a relationship outside of work. Del thinks that RL is the right firm for this task because they are a black firm, and also because this can be an audition for the rest of their legal business.  

This seems like it is better for a PR firm or image consultant? Not a law firm? But sure.  

Diane explains the whole January 6th situation to Liz. Liz immediately understands that if Kurt is in trouble, Diane is the one representing him. Because Kurt is Kurt, I’m willing to accept the “spouses-representing-each-other" trope here. But let the record reflect that, as always on this show, it is a TERRIBLE idea to have your spouse represent you! Just pick someone outside of the firm! JUST PICK ELSBETH, KURT.

Diane asks how her 9 am went; David Lee interrupts to ask Liz why she is being so casual with Del. “David, I am on the phone,” Liz responds. I love that she doesn’t really answer him.  

Leah and Lucy try to turn the associate meeting into a showcase of how great they are; the other associates catch on quickly and all are happy to answer Wackner’s questions. He wants to understand jury trials.

Nancy’s pregnancy act does not work on Judge Farley, yet she keeps it up anyway. Court doesn’t go well for Diane, but it also doesn’t go well for Nancy.

Some of these interactions remind me a little too much of Peter’s trial at the end of TGW, like this one where Nancy goes to Diane with information about Kurt.

Leah gets off the elevator as Diane and Nancy talk, and to Diane’s surprise, Wackner is shadowing Leah! She takes a moment to look surprised before we return to the scene with Nancy.

I like all the little interactions within this Wackner plot. Diane asking Liz to meet with Wackner both connects Wackner to Liz AND shows that Diane would turn to Liz for back-up, and having Wackner/Leah run into Diane in court is a good reminder that even though Diane is dealing with a pressing issue, Wackner hasn’t just disappeared.  

Diane encourages Kurt to talk. She wants to know if he’s not telling her something because she’s his wife or because she’s his lawyer. This is maybe why you don’t hire your wife as your lawyer.  

Kurt says it’s because of politics—Diane doesn’t like that, since this is one issue where their politics should be shared.  

“Diane, this works between us because we don’t let our political judgements overwhelm our respect for each other,” Kurt explains. But... is that relevant to this particular issue?  

Diane asks the same question, essentially, noting that January 6th changed “everything” for her and she can’t treat this like a “chess game” anymore. Kurt wants to know what she’s calling a chess game. She says their marriage is the one thing that’s not a game.  

On one level I understand exactly what Diane is saying and on another level I have no clue what this dialogue actually means. She can’t treat things like a game anymore, but also their marriage is the only thing that isn’t a game? So does that mean she can treat everything else like a game, then? I think what she’s trying to say is that the time for seeing political disagreements as a calm and rational game of strategy is over, and that she values her marriage and won’t play around with it.  

Kurt tells her what he burned—a list of people in his little group. He says he’d protect them just like he’d protect Diane’s book group friends. Oh, wow, I was not EVER expecting to hear about that arc again! This is a pretty perfect time to mention it, though, since Kurt DID protect book group for the exact same reason he’s protecting the members of his club.  

Other than “winning over a new client is important,” I have no idea why Liz and David Lee would gather together a group of partners to do the sensitivity read. I don’t know who IS the appropriate person to do the sensitivity read, given that this is a law firm, but I know this is a bad call.

Oh, they are going to go through line by line dissecting each joke in a group. They get through one joke before Madeline notes that the comedian is “objectifying black men.” A black male partner says he doesn’t mind. Madeline says that doesn’t matter because the joke is racially insensitive.  

Overlapping chatter ensues, and the partners try to make changes to the comedian’s jokes, like substituting Norwegian for Nigerian. This... is not what law firms do. The joke isn’t funny with the substitution, but it also wasn’t funny before. It was low hanging fruit and the correct answer is to just cut it entirely. (Also, if you’re a comedian and all your jokes are about common stereotypes of groups to which you do not belong, you are probably not a very funny comedian!)

Diane has Jay do some more investigating. Jay looks up when Diane says, “ringleader of the insurrectionists,” and Diane is just like, “I know.” Then Carmen walks in.

Diane congratulates Carmen on “hitting the ground running” and then asks again how she knew about the warrant. Diane says she’s covered by the same attorney-client privilege, so Carmen should be able to share. Carmen notes the warrant was actually about Kurt, which does not answer Diane’s question. “So this came from Rivi?” Diane asks. Carmen says she can’t confirm.

“Carmen. You have been here three weeks. You have two clients: Wolfe-Coleman and Oscar Rivi. It’s one or the other!” Diane notes. Yep. I love that they didn’t forget that this isn’t much of a mystery. It’s more about principle than anything. If Diane knows it’s one of two sources and needs more information, I’m sure Jay can figure it out.  

Carmen knows she’s stuck, so she asks if she can make a phone call. “I think that would be smart,” Diane says.  

I’ve noticed that Liz and Diane are both being quite firm with others this season—and I like it. They're spending more time with lower-level characters, and both Diane and Liz have reasons to be more curt this year. Diane is under a lot of stress and it’s showing in all of her interactions; Liz is making a point of seeming in control to establish herself as the leader of the firm.  

Then Marissa walks in. “What is going on with your crazy court judge?” Diane asks. “My?” Marissa asks. “Marissa, I am in no mood for defensiveness,” Diane insists. She mentions Wackner missing his meeting and shadowing Leah. That’s news to Marissa.  

Marissa heads to Wackner’s court to figure out what’s going on.

Wackner is now experimenting with juries. This is interesting to me—I'd wondered before how smart it was to just have Wackner make all the rulings, so exploring the idea of having a jury shows he’s thinking about that, too. Also, it’s another sign that Wackner wants his court to have many of the same structures as a real courtroom. There are still judges, juries, witnesses, trials—he's starting something new, but it feels more like he’s testing out improvements for an imperfect system. I wonder if his end goal would be to set up separate courts, or if he’s more interested in shaping laws/reforming the system? Surely Wackner has ambitions of scaling up whatever conclusions he comes to. So what are they?  

The reason for the juries is that the associates told him that juries are racially biased, so he’s trying to correct it. He also explains how he ended up shadowing Leah, and advises Marissa to go exploring whenever she’s kept waiting. (I have a feeling Marissa doesn’t need to be told this, but then, that’s why she’s Wackner’s “muse.”)  

Marissa notes that Wackner’s court is looking nicer—there must be money coming in from somewhere new. Wackner confirms there’s been a sympathetic donor.

Wackner is dealing with a case about NFT fraud. Marissa says she doesn’t know what that is. I’m going to assume that Marissa is using Wackner’s strategies against him (she had just accused him of playing dumb to get others to talk) because I cannot believe that Marissa, who always knows random facts, ESPECIALLY ones that involve weird corners of the internet, would not know what an NFT is.  

Marissa hears the case is about $4 million, and she’s shocked because this raises the stakes a little more than even she is comfortable with. Wackner has a signed and notarized document saying that both sides will honor the verdict. It is, as Marissa points out, notarized in 9 ¾ court by Wackner about a fictional case. “About a fictional crime,” Wackner adds on.  

I’m a little surprised this is all these writers had to say about NFTs! Maybe they knew that by the time this aired, the actual topic would feel dated.  

Mandy Patinkin is just SO GOOD as Wackner! I’m watching a fictional show about a fictional crime in a fictional court and even I am starting to believe in his ludicrous court!  

Wackner’s jury selection process involves catching potential jurors in traps, like pretending to know the national anthem when they don’t. Smart. Probably super problematic if you think about it too hard and put it in the wrong people’s hands and people start to know the system. But smart, for now.  

Diane is now in the sensitivity read meeting, for reasons passing understanding. They are still talking about the first joke. Jay calls Liz out of the meeting and notes that everyone in the room is old and no one is funny. “I’m funny!” Liz argues. Diane tries to leave the meeting, and Liz tells Diane Jay’s idea about needing younger people. “Oh god yes,” Diane agrees. I’m glad she sees it and a little alarmed that Liz doesn’t! I feel like they should’ve sent the tape to everyone interested in participating, then asked them to write up (separately) anything they found questionable or offensive, and gone from there, ending with a close review of anything that wasn’t previously flagged. If you debate every single line for hours you’re going to get nowhere.

I don’t know why Liz is so concerned that Jay thinks she’s not funny? But she is.

Diane asks Liz to join her meeting with Carmen and Lester. This is a scene I’ve been waiting for! Diane and Liz are both there and so the scene FEELS important. The plot advances. And, most importantly, they address why Carmen is staying at RL!

Lester reiterates that Carmen is super important to Rivi, so if Carmen says she can’t share info, then she can’t share info. Liz and Diane do not accept this. “I am a name partner. Carmen is a first-year associate,” Liz says. “Now, Carmen is free to resign and hang her shingle wherever she’d like. She can even go and work for you. That is up to her. But while she is here, she is subject to the rules and the mentoring of this firm.”

Lester tries to take Carmen out of the meeting. Liz and Diane won’t let him: They need to know if Carmen is staying with the firm, now.  

“You have a lot to learn, Carmen. And you can only do that here,” Diane pitches. I don’t think that’s exactly true, but it’s not untrue.

Here is a question I have about Carmen: she is WILLING to represent drug dealers and rapists. Does she WANT to? She chooses RL, so I’m guessing her interests lie in big law and not in aiding criminals.  

Lester leaves, but not before saying Kurt is about to get a grand jury summons. Diane gets one too. It’s not the usual guy! Too bad.

A bigger group is now deciding on if jokes are offensive or not, and they’re doing so with paddles that are red on one side (offensive) and green on the other (funny). I’m sure this is going to go well.

The group sees the replacement jokes and they are confused. Marissa wants to see the original joke. Julius shows the room, and everyone laughs. The joke is funny—and offensive. Someone from the mail room notes that he would be the butt of this joke, but he finds it funny, so he thinks the comedian should be able to continue with her set.  

Here is where I think I fall on this: Get sensitivity reads to get ahead of any huge issues (like, don’t be Pepsi with the ad with whichever Jenner it was who solved racism). Be aware of the potential issues. Let viewers decide what is and isn’t offensive, and make informed decisions rather than arbitrary rules about what content to show. You’ll KNOW if you are indulging the tendencies of someone with a history of making the same type of problematic jokes (for example, maybe if you are reviewing something by Tina Fey and she tries to write another edgy plot where racial stereotypes are the punchline, you advise her to not do that because, I mean, why WERE there so many episodes of 30 Rock that involved blackface??). You’ll KNOW if you are giving a platform to someone who is actively trying to spread misinformation and be cruel to others. Someone’s going to be offended by everything, and it may be a huge deal and it may not be. IMO, it doesn’t really matter that I can’t make an exact set of rules about what is/isn’t smart to air. I don’t think anyone—not networks, not creators, and not audiences—would benefit from that. Lawyers might, though, for all the billable hours...

“You can’t tell a joke without offending someone,” Jay notes. I do not think this is true! Puns don’t offend anyone!  

David Lee’s counter-example to Jay’s point is Gilbert & Sullivan. Of course it is.

As always, the argument devolves into overlapping chatter. These episodes exhaust me. At least this episode has some fun with the topic of the week and seems to have more of a point of view than some of the past episodes where the only conclusion is, “Wow! Controversy is controversial!”

Marissa ends up in the mail room with Jay and one of the mailroom guys (captions say his name is Jimmy). They are mocking the partner’s ideas of comedy. Jay and Jimmy agree that the best comedy is mean. But, Jay says, now it feels like you need “a permission slip to tell a joke.” Is... this true? This feels like one of those things people who would never actually get “cancelled” worry about because their fear overtakes their ability to understand what really gets someone cancelled.  

Then again, this episode was written by professional writers who would absolutely know better than I am if people are really hesitant to tell jokes.  

Jimmy has started making literal permission slips to allow people to tell jokes about specific groups. Jay and Marissa are down.  

Jay asks Jimmy to make a card for something so inappropriate he wouldn’t joke about it... and Jimmy prints a card that says Greta Thunberg. No one wants to joke about that.

And you know why this joke lands well for me? Part of it is that the vibe of this scene is very fun and laid back. But mostly it’s because Younger tried to make a Greta Thunberg joke this season, and it was quite possibly the worst, most embarrassing thing I’ve seen a TV show do in ages. It wasn’t funny, just mean, over the top, lazy, and never-ending. (Poor Younger. That show had an awful final season.)  

Liz is still worried she’s not funny. She asks Del if she’s funny and mentions Jay’s comment. He says she’s funny, but she’s not convinced he’s being honest. He points out this is a discussion no one will win. Del ends up accidentally saying “I love you” to Liz, which is a big deal for a relationship we’ve seen for all of two seconds. Liz says they don’t have to talk about it, but Del insists on explaining that he meant “affection,” not love. I’m glad they’re talking about this.

“Then maybe we should get married,” Liz says as seriously as possible. She stares at Del and smiles. He laughs and admits that was funny. It was VERY funny!  

Grand jury time! Yet Another Ham Sandwich: The Sequel: The Musical: The Series. (Am I funny? Pls tell me I’m funny and hip with the teens!)  

It’s Diane’s turn first. She does well, but there’s not much to say when Nancy plays the recording of Diane phoning the FBI with the rioter’s name. I did not need the clip from last episode in here. Diane is calm in court, but rushes to tell Kurt immediately. Nancy predicted Diane would do that, so she calls in Kurt before Diane has a chance to warn him.

So, wait, Kurt thought all of this was just a COINCIDENCE? Diane didn’t tell him earlier?! I don’t love this choice, but okay.  

Liz finds a joke permission slip on her desk. Julius has one too. “Did you use it?” Liz asks. Julius doesn’t understand what that even means. Then they trade clothes, because Liz does want to tell a joke about white girl clothes.

Julius suspects the cards are a way to make fun of the partners for being unfunny. The associates are also chatting about the cards, having lots of fun, so it’s clearly not about the partners.

I think now is an appropriate time to mention that TGW and TGF have both been consistently hilarious shows and have been on the air for a combined twelve years. Neither rely on the types of jokes that these cards permit. This is a kind of interesting thought experiment, but... doesn’t it say something that the shows never use these jokes as crutches and still manage to be funny? This is what I meant earlier about people being afraid of cancel culture when they’re not actually really at risk of coming under fire. These writers know how to write things that are funny. They know how to make comedy out of absurdity and subverting expectations. And yet they’re worried about how to have jokes that aren’t mean? Really?

The first laugh out loud funny TGW moment that comes to mind right now is the episode that ends with that obnoxious talk show guy trying to out Diane as a lesbian. That joke deals with identity. But it still holds up 12 years later, because the joke isn’t that Diane could be gay... the joke is that Diane DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT what this pest is saying about her on TV, and so she laughs. And because the tension of the talk show guy’s BIG DRAMATIC REVEAL is cut with Diane’s dynamic, loud laugh, we laugh with her! I’m not really sure what I'm trying to illustrate with this example. I’m just noting that you can be topical, funny, and entirely appropriate at the same time... and these writers are great at finding that balance.

HR starts, like, texting (they TEXT Marissa!!!) employees about the joke permission slips? It’s so bizarrely done that I thought this was going to be a prank.  

Jay decides they won’t go to HR, and Jimmy decides they’ll delay. Why wouldn’t HR just come down and take away the cards?

For this week’s dose of Wackner Wackiness, witnesses will be fully costumed, and it goes without saying that the costumes will be as over the top as possible.

David Cord is the mysterious donor. Marissa spots him and instantly puts the pieces together. Cord explains he met Wackner on the elevator. I can’t say enough how much I like that this season has a lot of moving pieces that feel like part of a whole. Cord showed up as part of a case that caused internal debate at the firm and had a thematic parallel to an ongoing plot, then crossed over into Wackner’s plot once he was established as a character!  

Cord says he’s interested in “disrupting things” so he’s interested in Wackner. I did not need the still photo of where they founded HP that’s used to illustrate humble beginnings, I guess.

Nancy mentions Kurt’s unfortunate last name—she so would. Kurt takes the fifth. Was this thing about needing a reason to take the fifth true in the earlier seasons and just not mentioned? Didn’t Kalinda and Will use this strategy?

Nancy, obviously, plays the recording of Diane reporting the rioter. Kurt conceals his reaction for the grand jury, but he’s pissed.  

Diane tries to apologize and Kurt asks for another lawyer. This is the right move. I can’t be all that sad.

The partners have collected all the cards and are trying to do damage control with HR. (Interestingly, there are certain topics the cards we see don’t touch on. Like, where’s the rape joke card? Aren’t rape jokes what we usually talk about when we talk about comedians getting cancelled? And where are the jokes about minority groups (aside from little people, referred to using the PC name instead of the names that would probably be used in most offensive jokes about little people) not represented in the TGF cast? I find this little bit of self-censorship quite notable, especially given that the writers seem to be arguing in favor of not regulating humor. These omissions, which MUST be intentional, tell me the writers do have their own lines they won’t cross...)  

(My larger point there, and where this funny-but-unnecessary subplot fails for me, is that this whole episode feels like a bit of a panic over cancel culture and winds up being a strawman argument. I don’t disagree with the conclusions the writers come to and I do find some of these scenes funny. But at the same time, I don’t think Cancel Culture is actually about coming after every single joke that makes fun of any person or group (if we must do a cancel culture plot, why not do one about someone who is an odious person and yet still has a following even after they’ve been “cancelled”). And I don’t think that showing HR as a very stern, strict, humorless body is helpful. I’m getting ahead of myself, but all that accomplishes is having Liz win on a point that pretty much everyone can agree on, because no one is actually as humorless as STRL’s HR department! Humor has so many gray areas and if you try to make it black and white, obviously the side that’s saying YOU CANNOT MAKE JOKES ABOUT ANYTHING is going to be the one that is wrong.  

I did just remember that all of these writers have probably dealt with unfun and strict standards & practices departments, and I like the way HR is portrayed more if I try to imagine them as Standards & Practices.

Liz decides she is going to see HR so she’s seen as an authority figure, not someone subversive. But first, Liz has to meet with Del and the comedian.

Wackner and Cord are in Diane’s office. Diane’s skeptical of their alliance. She also points out that it is corrupt for Wackner to be financed by Cord and decide on Cord’s cases. This is true. Cord says he has no vested interest in any of the cases. And Wackner says he’s the “most untouchable man on earth” and quotes a song again. Yet another example of how this court only works if Wackner is in charge.

The comedy meeting does not go well. David Lee is already trying to pitch their other servicces. The comedian finds the censored version hilarious in how terrible it is, and then she starts making fun of it, loudly, and for way too long.  

David thinks it went poorly; Liz isn’t concerned. David is all, “you failed” and Liz asks him to cool it and notes that David isn’t the highest-ranking person at STRL, so he should “stop the shit” and work with her. She’s already sounding more like a boss.  

Julius complements her on being “Boseman-like,” which is true (though I wish she didn’t need to be compared to her ex-husband). “I know,” Liz says quietly, likely because she hates that Adrian is still influencing her this much.  

Del joins Wackner and Cord in the elevator, and this isn’t the end of the episode but I’m going to pretend it is so all the episodes can end on elevators this year. It’s close enough.

Kurt’s new lawyer is Julius. Ah, yes, choose the corrupt judge Trump pardoned who works at your wife’s firm to represent you. Seems smart.  

Liz walks past Diane’s office and the camera follows her up to HR. She tries to get HR to understand humor. They do not. And that’s the episode.

So, a few thoughts to conclude. First, I went into this recap thinking I’d have a lot more to say about cancel culture and the way this episode handled the debate. But I ended up liking this plot—and this episode-- more the second time around. I still don’t think this episode said anything groundbreaking about cancel culture, because I don’t think it actually engaged with the topic beyond the surface. As I noted earlier, coming to the conclusion that jokes should be allowed because we’re all human isn’t really a resolution the real topic. What about accountability? What about allowing for some jokes to be too far without taking the teeth out of every joke? What about the way people panic over cancel culture when they’re not being canceled (this episode felt a little bit like a panic over cancel culture, which is why I reacted negatively to it the first time through) or about how cancellation doesn’t always stick or have meaning? There is SOMETHING to explore here, but I don’t think this episode found that something.  

Second, because I didn’t find a way to work it in above... is it me, or is it actually HELPING the show to not have Adrian or Lucca around!? This season feels so much more focused than the past several, and I think it might be because the writers (who are, as always, very good at adapting to curveballs) had to restructure the show. Lucca always had her own subplots that were separate from everything else, and Adrian’s charisma tended to overpower others’ presence (especially Liz’s) whenever he was in the room. It didn’t help that the writers seemed to LOVE writing Adrian plots, even if it meant neglecting others.  

Don’t get me wrong—I love Adrian and Lucca both. But there’s something to be said for a tighter show with three main interconnected pieces (Liz/firm drama, Diane/FBI and Kurt, Marissa/Wackner’s court) that carry over from episode to episode. Like the titles of the season, these episodes build on each other.  

Also, there’s the right amount of every character this season. David Lee is used sparingly; Jay and Julius are supporting players who sometimes get the spotlight; Wackner is a huge presence but his plot feels like part of the show; Carmen feels important but isn’t being given screentime for the sake of screentime; Liz is finally the type of lead she should’ve been from the start; Marissa has nicely grown into a role closer to leading than supporting; Diane remains a clear lead.  

5x05 next week!!! I am expecting some Hitting the Fan level quality and at least one fan-service-y reference. (Not really, but wouldn’t it be fun?)  

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

i know that i go on about it literally at the same time EVERY month….. but like….. i am SO SICK OF my internet just deciding to randomly drop out for literally like a week or two every fucking month while the bill period rolls over.

like imagine if i was working from home???? how the FUCK am i meant to do that when for a week or 2 every month when my internet/wifi connection drops out completely and i can’t work from my laptops bc they don’t connect to the 4G network???? like what am i supposed to do for that span of time??? just y’know take time off for that week/two weeks while my internet just refuses to rectify itself and run on normal speeds and not literally (i’m using this joke all the time now) like early to mid 2000s dial up speeds???? like obvs yeah i could make my phone a hotspot….. but for two weeks that takes up a lot of data????

and it’s even worse rn bc im job searching and since literally EVERYTHING makes you apply online, the job app websites like seek/jora etc literally take like 5 minutes to load just one page of jobs or a job description….. but it won’t even load the ACTUAL application????

and then social media barely loads at all (although i’m so used to this happening on here tbh lmao)….. like imagine if i had a job in social media where i’d be monitoring the 20+ social media platforms that businesses need to run and obtain customers etc these days???? what the FUCK am i supposed to do??? or imagine if i was bothered to run my own online business???? and for a week/2 weeks i just can’t reach customers because my internet/wifi just won’t load their complaints/issues/questions/sales data etc etc etc???? like what the ACTUAL FUCK telstra???

it’s also the main reason why i dropped out of my online uni library course too…. bc i got so sick of my internet dropping out halfway through 3hr lectures and forum boards and all the other stuff i had to do for it. or dropping out exactly when i had assignments due???? and that’s not even considered a good excuse not to turn assignments in late, even when you’re doing a course that’s 100% online??? like what an absolute fucking joke????

[evansfm]

𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 –– 𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 .

every  morning  evan  woke  up  to  a  london  sky  that  refused  to  let  the  sun  in  ;  summer  was  drier  than  spring  ,  but  the  clouds  seemed  to  linger  year  round  .  .  .  not  that  she  minded  .  she  had  ,  after  all  ,  grown  up  in  county  dublin  ,  where  things  were  always  a  bit  damp  .  still  ,  the  lack  of  COLOR  could  be  draining  .  .  .  so  she  searched  for  it  in  unexpected  places  ,  creating  little  pockets  of  color  for  herself  in  a  rather  grayscale  world  .  golden  lights  strung  on  her  balcony  ,  isla’s  bright  red  hair  and  matching  smile  ,  an  array  of  bright  letters  boasting  NME  lining  a  wall  ––  covers  from  past  decades  ,  a  rainbow  rubik’s  cube  next  to  her  keyboard  ,  two  framed  photographs  perched  on  her  desk  .  the  first  seemed  like  forever  ago  ,  a  beaming  eloise  with  a  twin  on  either  side  ;  beck  on  the  left  ,  evan  on  the  right  ,  both  planting  kisses  on  her  cheek  one  valentine’s  day  years  and  years  ago  .  the  second  was  more  recent  ,  backstage  at  a  show  in  galway  ;  kieran  sat  in  his  chair  with  his  fingers  intertwined  with  evan’s  as  she  draped  her  arms  over  his  shoulders  from  behind  ,  chin  resting  on  top  of  his  curls  and  a  smile  that  looked  SOFT  compared  to  the  goofy  one  ruairi  wore  ,  looming  behind  her  with  his  chin  on  her  head  .  she  felt  warmth  every  t​​ime  she  looked  at  them  ,  but  there  was  always  a  tug  in  her  stomach  .  .  .  the  undeniable  feeling  of  something  missing  .  she  found  her  little  pockets  of  color  ,  but  they  still  seemed  muted  w​​ithout  the  people  she  loved  ––  the  PERSON  she  loved  .

their  schedules  had  begun  to  clash  ––  and  evan  hated  the  way  she  was  beginning  to  get  used  to  the  dull  ache  of  his  absence  .  distance  had  been  a  part  of  their  relationship  for  months  ,  but  the  time  zones  were  killing  her  .  they  couldn’t  always  make  time  for  hours  wasted  away  on  facetime  ;  she  couldn’t  always  fall  asleep  to  the  sound  of  his  voice  on  the  other  end  of  the  line  .  they  were  both  where  they  were  supposed  to  be  ,  chasing  their  dreams  together  ,  separately  .  .  .  but  evan  was  beginning  to  wonder  if  the  path  she  was  on  ––  the  desk  ,  the  deadlines  ,  the  distance  ––  was  actually  what  she  WANTED  .  there  was  a  lack  of  creative  control  at  nme  ;  she  was  a  part  of  a  greater  whole  ,  confined  to  a  desk  when  she  wasn’t  out  in  the  field  .  she  felt  restless  .  .  .  bored  ,  almost  .  and  with  her  most  recent  deadline  met  and  a  job  of  her  own  ––  evan  connely  ,  sans  nme  ––  waiting  at  the  end  of  the  week  ,  she  was  distracted  .  

“  WHAT  are  you  doing  ?  ”  isla  popped  up  behind  her  ,  coming  out  of  nowhere  to  look  over  her  shoulder  .

“  jesus  ,  ”  evan  startled  ,  nearly  dropping  the  plastic  puzzle  in  her  hand  ,  “  where  t’e  fuck  did  you  come  from  ?  ”

“  charlotte’s  office  .  answer  my  question  .  ”

“  playing  wit’  a  toy  ,  ”  she  held  up  the  half  solved  rubik’s  cube  ,  then  let  out  an  audible  sigh  as  isla  looked  unimpressed  ,  then  jutted  her  chin  towards  the  computer  screen  ,  “  trying  to  put  together  a  mood  board  for  t’is  gig  i’ve  got  wit’  saint  valentine  on  friday  .  ”

perfectly  shaped  auburn  brows  raised  ,  “  we  got  saint  valentine  ?  ”

“  no  ,  ”  evan’s  lips  lifted  into  the  faintest  smirk  ,  “  i  got  saint  valentine  .  ”

“  you’re  bloody  joking  .  shut  UP  ,  ”  isla  gasped  ,  rounding  to  her  side  of  the  table  desk  ,  just  to  roll  her  chair  around  ,  “  and  you  didn’t  fucking  tell  me  ?  ”

“  no  ,  because  you  couldn’t  keep  a  secret  if  you  tried  .”

“  well  that’s  because  it  shouldn’t  be  a  fucking  secret  ,  ev  .  this  is  fantastic  ,  ”  hazel  eyes  widened  with  excitement  ,  “  so  you’re  shooting  them  for  ––  .  .  .  ”

“  t’ey  weren’t  too  explicit  about  it  .  i  know  for  certain  i’m  covering  bot’  shows  at  t’e  o2  ,  documenting  t’e  whole  thing  from  t’e  moment  they  get  there  ,  ”  evan  huffed  a  curl  away  from  her  face  ,  nodding  to  the  screen  ,  “  and  t’en  a  shoot  on  site  at  t’e  venue  .  so  i’ve  got  to  work  wit’  what  i’ve  got  .  i’ve  got  ONE  chance  here  ,  and  nicky  haven  scares  t’e  absolute  fuck  out’a  me  ,  so  i  can’t  blow  it  .  ”

“  nicky  haven  scares  EVERYONE  .  it’s  part  of  h​​is  charm  ,  ”  isla  leaned  in  ,  ma​​king  herself  perfectly  comfortable  in  evan’s  space  as  she  took  the  mouse  and  began  clicking  through  different  ideas  opened  on  photoshop  ,  “  let’s  see  what  you’ve  got  so  far  ––  .  .  .  ”

“  isla  ,  it’s  not  a  big  deal  .  really  i  shouldn’t  even  be  working  on  t’is  HERE  ,  right  now  .  it’s  not  exactly  nme  related  stuff  ,  you  kn––  ”

“  i  TOLD  you  she  was  here  today  ,  ”  a  girl  called  sophie  ,  who  manned  nme’s  front  desk  in  the  mornings  ,  materialized  on  the  other  side  of  evan’s  desk  .  a  junior  writer  ,  andrew  ,  was  hot  on  her  heels  .

“  soph  ,  now  really  probably  isn’t  the  best  time  and  it  really  isn’t  your  busi––  ”

“  someone’s  got  to  show  her  ,  ”  sophie  was  ,  admittedly  ,  obnoxious  .  and  coming  from  EVAN  ,  that  was  a  feat  .

“  show  WHAT  to  WHO  ?  ”  isla’s  voice  changed  in  tone  ,  taking  on  a  hint  of  authority  as  she  looked  at  andrew  ,  “  aren’t  you  meant  to  be  doing  some  social  media  research  right  now  ?  ”

“  i  WAS  ,  but  ––  ”

“  but  we’ve  found  something  that  evan  HAS  to  see  ,  ”  sophie  .  again  .

“  we  ?  ”

“  ME  ?  ”  evan  said  in  tandem  with  isla  ,  brows  lifting  as  she  clicked  the  final  piece  into  place  on  the  cube  .  she  glanced  over  at  isla  and  felt  a  strange  twist  in  her  stomach  when  she  saw  the  redhead  had  gone  rigid  .

“  is  this  about  ––  ”

“  rebecca  stringer  ,  ”  andrew  nodded  solemnly  ,  as  though  evan  was  supposed  to  know  who  the  hell  THAT  was  .

“  better  known  as  BEX  ,  ”  sophie  added  .

it  was  evan’s  turn  to  go  rigid  .  her  back  straightened  ,  and  it  felt  like  ice  had  just  been  shot  through  her  veins  .  truth  be  told  ,  she  was  more  worried  about  conflicting  schedules  lately  .  .  .  not  the  way  bex  sing-songed  a  shortened  version  of  kieran’s  name  .  .  .  or  the  way  she  answered  his  phone  and  simply  couldn’t  remember  who  evan  was  .  .  .  or  the  way  she’d  made  sure  evan  could  hear  her  promise  to  personally  deliver  kieran  to  his  hotel  room  that  first  night  in  los  angeles  .  it  wasn’t  exactly  PLEASANT  being  reminded  of  the  instinct  that  she’d  shut  down  ,  intuition  telling  her  something  wasn’t  quite  right  there  .  her  brows  pinched  together  as  the  rubik’s  cube  slid  from  one  hand  to  the  other  and  back  .  she  glanced  over  at  isla  with  a  prompting  look  .

“  we’re  .  .  .  doing  a  piece  about  nepotism  babies  in  the  industry  ,  and  she’s  a  PERFECT  example  of  one  so  i  was  having  andrew  look  into  the  way  she  interacts  with  fans  and  her  socials  and  what  not  .  she’s  one  of  like  TEN  people  we’re  look​​ing  into  ,  ”  she  explained  with  an  apologetic  look  .  it  was  then  that  she  turned  a  sharp  eye  to  andrew  and  sophie  ,  “  don’t  know  what  THAT  has  to  do  with  evan  ,  though  .  ”

“  see  for  yourself  .  ”

“  SOPHIE  .  ”

“  what  ?  it  probably  isn’t  even  new  information  for  her  ,  ”  she  shrugged  ,  reaching  over  two  monitors  to  hand  evan  a  phone  .  twitter  was  opened  to  a  profile  with  bex’s  beaming  face  in  the  icon  ,  but  the  handle  wasn’t  hers  .  she  gave  the  pair  of  them  a  skeptical  look  before  glancing  over  at  isla  who  only  offered  a  half  -  hearted  shrug  .  it  didn’t  take  long  to  see  what  ,  exactly  ,  sophie  had  been  talking  about  ,  a  slew  of  tweets  and  retweets  .

bexupdates  :  bex  &  kieran  pulled  up  to  the  venue  together  .  .  .  and  then  left  at  the  same  time  .  why  are  they  lowkey  so  cute  annathefound  :  not  bex  wearing  a  baby  tee  version  of  the  found’s  merch  .  .  .  stanning  her  boyfriend  just  like  the  rest  of  us  

ruairidailyposts  :  ok  wait  are  evan  &  kieran  even  dating  anymore  bc  i  could  be  down  with  a  bex  &  kieran  moment  cheerupbailey  :  @ruairidailyposts  you  know  two  people  can  have  a  relationship  without  posting  about  it  right  ???  they’re  in  separate  countries  rn  lol

babybexxx  :  i  just  think  that  bex  &  kieran  walsh  as  a  power  couple  .

bxhq  :  no  offense  but  bex  is  simply  so  much  better  for  him  than  some  rando  from  ireland  like  what thefoundupdates  :  @bxhq  babes  they  LITERALLY  grew  up  together  ????

totallyconan  :  be  honest  do  u  guys  think  the  reason  evan  isn’t  on  tour  with  them  is  bc  they’re  not  together  anymore  like  she  literally  never  misses  shows

adamfitzupdates :  why  are  y’all  so  obsessed  with  a  relationship  that  doesn’t  concern  you  ???  chill bexlevitates  :  @adamfitzupdates  bc  it’s  weird  that  evan  knew  him  for  so  long  and  only  started  dating  him  AFTER  the  found  started  to  get  big  like  that’s  shady

bexupdates  :  find  someone  who  looks  at  u  the  way  bex  looks  at  kieran  on  stage  wtf  did  y’all  see  that

newruleshq  :  no  waaaay  this  man  has  a  gf  when  he  and  bex  look  so  good  next  to  each  other  LMAO  

thefoundupdates  :  according  to  the  girl  who  wrote  the  article  kieran  literally  WALKED  OUT  on  the  interview  ???  rockstar  behavior  but  also  hope  he’s  ok

evan  could’ve  kept  scrolling  for  hours  as  her  heart  rate  began  to  rise  and  rise  .  the  crease  between  her  brows  deepened  ,  and  she  reminded  herself  of  everything  she  knew  to  be  true  .  kieran  LOVED  her  .  twitter  was  a  BRUTAL  place  .  it  was  as  though  the  worst  parts  of  her  subconscious  had  come  to  life  in  280  characters  or  less  .  her  head  began  to  swim  as  her  heart  sank  into  her  stomach  .

“  what  does  t’is  ––  .  .  .  ”  her  voice  cracked  ,  and  she  cleared  her  throat  ,  finally  looking  up  from  the  phone  screen  ,  “  why  ,  exactly  ,  are  you  showing  me  this  ?  ”  

sophie  looked  as  though  she  was  shocked  by  evan’s  question  ,  “  because  i’ve  dated  musicians  .  .  .  and  like  HALF  of  those  are  in  bex’s  likes  .  which  are  public  ,  by  the  way  .  just  doesn’t  seem  subtle  to  me  .  ”

“  are  you  trying  to  insinuate  something  here  ,  sophie  ?  ”  her  tone  shifted  ,  irritated  as  she  handed  the  phone  back  .

“  like  i  said  ,  i’ve  dated  guys  in  bands  ,  too  ,  and  ––  ”

“  enough  ,  ”  isla  snapped  ,  “  you’re  sticking  your  nose  where  it  doesn’t  belong  .  BOTH  of  you  should  be  off  doing  your  jobs  right  now  ,  so  ,  run  along  .  ”

both  of  them  scurried  off  without  a  word  .  

evan  was  still  for  a  moment  ,  but  her  fingertips  were  itching  for  the  keyboard  .  she  was  no  stranger  to  things  like  this  ,  unkind  words  from  strangers  who  didn’t  LOVE  the  idea  of  her  ––  despite  not  knowing  her  .  the  good  outweighed  the  bad  on  the  internet  ,  but  the  voices  who  didn’t  like  her  were  always  the  loudest  .  even  BEFORE  she  and  kieran  had  gone  public  with  their  relationship  .  .  .  even  before  they  were  ever  in  a  relationship  at  all  .  over  time  ,  she’d  learned  to  tune  it  out  and  focus  on  the  kindness  that  flooded  her  comment  sections  and  mentions  .  .  .  but  every  now  and  again  something  slipped  through  the  cracks  .  .  .  and  when  they  did  ,  she  absorbed  them  like  a  blow  to  the  abdomen  .  they  settled  into  her  memory  and  cemented  themselves  there  ,  tucked  away  until  they  found  the  perfect  moment  to  make  her  self  conscious  .  like  the  fan  who  had  commented  on  the  shape  of  her  body  before  and  after  going  to  uni  .  .  .  and  another  from  galway  who  made  it  their  business  to  let  everyone  know  she’d  slept  around  while  living  there  .  .  .  and  every  time  someone  said  she  wasn’t  good  enough  for  kieran  or  any  of  them  .  that  she  had  bad  intentions  ,  leeching  onto  the  boys  for  fame  .  that  her  career  was  based  SOLELY  on  the  four  of  them  .  

if  she  caved  and  kept  scrolling  ,  she’d  commit  it  all  to  memory  .  .  .  everything  that  made  her  intuition  about  bex  STRONGER  .  

instead  ,  she  launched  forward  and  snatched  the  rubik’s  cube  back  up  ,  immediately  distorting  its  perfect  faces  and  mixing  it  up  again  .  it  was  good  to  keep  your  hands  busy  ,  she  knew  ,  when  your  mind  began  to  run  away  .  

the  worst  of  it  wasn’t  even  TRULY  comments  about  their  relationship  .  .  .  those  hurt  ,  but  they  didn’t  sting  quite  as  bad  as  real  -  time  updates  about  kieran  and  bex  showing  up  or  leaving  venues  together  .  she  dulled  the  pain  by  reminding  herself  that  THREE  other  boys  were  never  too  far  behind  .  that  kieran  would  never  .  .  .  COULD  never  .  .  .  

but  then  again  ,  there  was  the  tweet  that  weighed  heaviest  in  her  mind  .  kieran  walked  out  in  the  middle  of  an  interview  ,  and  he  hadn’t  told  her  .  something  rattled  him  to  the  point  of  his  version  of  an  outburst  ,  and  he  hadn’t  told  her  .  that  seemed  like  something  he  would  have  told  her  .  .  .  it  seemed  important  enough  ,  she  thought  to  herself  ,  right  ?  RIGHT  ?

her  throat  felt  tight  ,  and  she  kept  running  the  tweets  she’d  read  over  in  her  mind  .  there  was  a  deep  furrow  in  her  brow  as  she  looked  down  at  her  hands  ,  still  vehemently  mixing  up  the  toy  .  something  felt  off  kilter  .  .  .  but  she  couldn’t  pin  down  which  hurt  more  :  the  slew  of  tweets  from  people  pretending  to  know  what  went  on  in  her  relationship  .  .  .  or  the  thought  of  kieran  doing  something  as  rash  as  storming  out  of  an  interview  ––  and  then  not  telling  her  .  

“  i  didn’t  know  about  t’e  interv​​iew  bit  ,  ”  she  said  quietly  ,  eyes  still  trained  on  the  colorful  cube  .  she  was  certain  her  face  was  the  opposite  ,  color  drained  .  

“  evan  ––  .  .  .  ”

“  it’s  fine  ,  ”  she  said  firmly  ,  “  it’s  probably  not  true  .  just  like  t’e  rest  of  it  isn’t  true  .  ”

her  voice  sounded  distant  .  .  .  and  she  wasn’t  sure  if  she  was  trying  to  convince  isla  or  HERSELF  .  clearing  her  throat  again  ,  she  set  the  toy  back  down  on  her  desk  and  scooted  towards  the  computer  .  

“  i’ve  got  work  to  do  ,  ”  she  said  quietly  ,  getting  back  to  the  monitor  .  though  all  she  wanted  to  do  was  go  home  .  how  many  more  people  thought  that  she  wasn’t  GOOD  ENOUGH  for  kieran  ?  how  many  people  thought  someone  like  bex  was  a  better  fit  ?  how  long  would  it  take  for  the  suggestion  to  become  potent  enough  to  make  the  people  who  KNEW  them  question  it  as  well  ?  and  if  kieran  had  walked  out  of  an  interv​​iew  ,  WHY  hadn’t  he  told  her  ?  

she  glanced  down  at  her  own  phone  screen  ,  hoping  that  maybe  she’d  missed  a  text  or  a  call  .  .  .  but  all  she  got  was  nothing  .  nothing  but  the  words  she’d  seen  written  down  ,  now  cemented  in  her  mind  :  bex  is  simply  so  much  better  for  him  .  .  .  because  SHE  was  there  ,  wrapped  up  in  the  same  world  he  was  in  .  she  was  accessible  .  immediate  .  beautiful  .  

and  evan  was  stuck  in  london  with  nothing  but  time  to  wonder  .

[punkscowardschampions]

Amber & Cosmo

Amber: [Okay so I’m just gonna write my diabolical idea here so we know how it’s kicking off, basically whenever Dash and Amber hooked up- which was long ago enough that he should but hasn’t given her the stash back but literally never long enough ago that it won’t be gross to Cosmo that this happened, soz boy- she thought they were doing so in Dash’s bedroom but it’s actually his brother’s so when she comes back looking for her stash/anything she can replace it with, she’s actually ransacking Cosmo’s room and we know it’s blatantly because he lied that he didn’t have any drugs when he in fact did so he’s an all around lovely boy]

Amber: [picture the scene of him walking into his own room like wtf and then she has to hurriedly explain all of the above and then I figure I can start this convo when she’s for real in Dash’s room searching the right one lol]

Amber: I’m so so so sorry

Amber: I can’t find the words…

Cosmo: [The levels we would’ve been like GET OUT without terrifying her into fully leaving, in our room fuming rn]

Cosmo: Did you take any of my shit?

Amber: I’m not here for anything that isn’t mine, I told you

Cosmo: You said a lot

Cosmo: and fast

Cosmo: You’ll excuse me if I was more distracted by the more pressing issues like the stranger in my fucking room

Amber: Because you were saying the same thing again and again

Amber: and loud

Amber: my pressing issue was, and is, me not getting arrested

Cosmo: That’s your life choices

Cosmo: maybe don’t break and enter if you don’t wanna be worrying about that, there you go, pro-tip

Amber: Passive aggression towards me is understandable but please don’t threaten a real act of, you know I’m no burglar

Cosmo: I don’t know that, I don’t know who the hell you are

Amber: If you need to empty out my pockets to be sure, I’ve not left

Amber: yet

Cosmo: I can’t see anything missing

Amber: I feel stupid for not realising it couldn’t be his room

Amber: stupider

Cosmo: It’s an unpleasant way to find out he’s a piece of shit for you but you’ll be better off for knowing

Amber: Typically unfair of the universe not to let me have the information before we had sex

Cosmo: I might be more willing to extend sympathy if it weren’t in my fucking bed

Amber: Take mine because it was

Amber: but believe me that I didn’t know

Cosmo: Doesn’t change the fact

Cosmo: He’s fucking dead

Amber: I can’t change it now, but I’ll bring you some new sheets to show you the sorry was meant

Amber: and knock before I come through your window

Cosmo: Or you could just not, on both counts

Amber: if you want

Cosmo: Funny when someone breaks in you don’t really get much say

Amber: It’s your choice from here on though, I was being pushy when I thought it was your lying brother’s window

Cosmo: Generous

Cosmo: What are you even looking for?

Amber: 🌿 I borrowed my dad’s stash

Amber: borrowed is the important part

Cosmo: How does that work

Cosmo: except for not, clearly

Cosmo: You may as well go, ‘cos that will be long gone

Amber: Empty handed!? I can’t do that

Cosmo: Help yourself to any crap he’s got in there

Cosmo: doesn’t bother me

Amber: I don’t think there’s anything in here my father would accept as a 🕊

Cosmo: No shit

Cosmo: Unless he’s also got the taste of a wannabe hippie

Amber: Their wardrobes are unsurprisingly similar but he’d kill me if I brought home new items to replace the handful of old clothes he already owns

Cosmo: You’re one of them

Cosmo: Figures, only people who’ll associate with him at this point

Amber: Them?

Cosmo: You live in the compound

Amber: oh right 👽

Amber: yes, I’ve lived there for a few months

Cosmo: My sympathies on that one

Amber: 😂 Thanks, but even going back empty handed wouldn’t result in a RIP 🥤 ending, it’s okay

Cosmo: There’s hardly a shortage where that came from

Amber: or of worse places I could or have lived

Amber: Have you always lived here?

Cosmo: I’d phone social for you but the case is well-established already, I reckon

Cosmo: Dublin? Always

Cosmo: Better postcode for a bit but now just on the weekends

Amber: better because…?

Cosmo: All the reasons they put on the listings

Cosmo: price, location, near to whatever amenities you might want, idk, you know what better means

Amber: You forgot no strange girls climbing in your bedroom window, it was the perfect opportunity to stay angry at me

Amber: but this is better, agreed 🙃

Cosmo: I’m still angry, don’t worry

Cosmo: you’d not get anywhere near my dad’s windows

Amber: so you get the weekends off from me

Cosmo: I’m definitely not doing his dirty work for him, he doesn’t deserve that but neither do you so

Cosmo: If stealing your stash and not letting you in his room wasn’t hint enough, he’s not gonna make you his girlfriend, okay

Amber: I’m not THAT stupid, I don’t know what you got from first glance or this on going impression but it sounds like I don’t want to know

Cosmo: You aren’t going to be here every weekday then, that’s what I mean

Amber: I could be, I found a lot of spare rooms on the way to his, they’re not as nice as yours but they don’t have horrific memories attached

Amber: yet

Cosmo: We’re not looking for lodgers and you just moved

Amber: over half a year ago isn’t a just

Amber: Why don’t you want to live with me?

Cosmo: 😂

Cosmo: You’ve got jokes, at least, if not your stash

Amber: if you had manners you’d help me

Cosmo: You and my brother desecrated my bed

Cosmo: Why’d I owe you anything, like

Amber: You’re 🤬 at him, he’s owed us both getting our own back and I can’t do a good enough job at it on my own

Cosmo: You’ve got a point, alright

Cosmo: [Come in]

Amber: [picture her buried in this carnage because she’s so smol and his room was such a mess before she even got there, just looking at him as she’s trying unsuccessfully to like throw this mattress out of the window like hello]

Cosmo: [just walking over and taking that off her with ease because you’re tall, lean it against the wall like not gonna happen babe, because as much as we’d like to throw your mattress in the stinky pond, we don’t want to cause hassle for Ali or Billie because we’re a good boy unlike someone, rifle through the mess of clothes and put aside any that might be worth something, indicate as much by doing the money thing with your hands like kaching]

Amber: [at least she’ll be too busy being shamelessly impressed by how tall and strong you are to pout about it, so you’re welcome but also lowkey not because like I said shameless haha]

Cosmo: [at least you can maintain eye contact and look at her right back as you’re like ‘what?’ ‘cos you don’t not know what you look like lol]

Amber: [sitting down on a skateboard that’s on the floor because the bed would be off limits even if the mattress wasn’t on the lean ‘what are we doing?’ like we need do more than raid his clothes if we wanna really annoy him but also the saucy undertone is obvious especially because eye contact hasn’t been broken remotely]

Cosmo: [shrugs ‘he doesn’t care about anything’ but not as offhand as that sounds because we are constantly and entirely at a loss with him ‘take what will make it worth it for you’ break that eye contact to look around like hmm]

Amber: [rolls the skateboard at him but obvs in a playful not aggressive manner cos we’re getting up as if to leave like ‘it was nice to meet you’ because not at all unspoken vibe of that makes it worth it for me]

Cosmo: [pick it up as we raise a brow half like was it and half yeah it was ‘cos duh ‘these are pricey-’ gesture to all the skateboards lying about with the one you’re now holding ‘and easier to get out the window’]

Amber: [sitting on said window ledge rn because even if it’s a tiny one so is she and we were gonna climb out before he made that suggestion DUH ‘maybe but what’ll I do with them’ looks down at self and her aesthetic because we’re nothing if not self aware baby ‘other than string one of the wheels onto a necklace’]

Cosmo: [a small lol but in a yeah that’s true look at you way without being THE RUDEST ‘put ‘em in a sock and you’ve got a weapon’ does the thing where you pick something up with your toes on some laundry ‘I’d supply your own sock though’ like ew]

Amber: [a lol of her own at his monkey footed antics and opening the window like that sock is THE GROSSIEST and it stinks in here which lbr isn't that much of an exaggeration 'the creativity doesn't sweeten the deal enough that part of it would be allowing me to use violence for conflict resolution, sadly' a pout 'but admitting you want me to stay here instead of trying to get me kicked out of there remains an option, thankfully' a grin like 😁]

Cosmo: [at least you can throw some of his clothes out the window without affecting your mother and grandmother so doing that without touching anything truly DISGUSTANG but giving her a look as if that suggestion is, but with a 😏 ‘cos don’t need to go that hard with the rudeness rn ‘we’d charge more rent’]

Amber: [looks around at the stuff he has already said is worth money before hopping down from the window to pick up a guitar Dash has obvs left lying around 'how much?']

Cosmo: [shrugs because not our bag ‘aren’t all instruments kinda expensive?’ ‘cos true unless it’s like a play guitar lmao]

Amber: ['instruments in this condition are, sure' because we're blatantly holding a flashy electric guitar rn not a beat up acoustic like she's used to seeing all the hippies play 'but it can't have any sentimental value' like there's no point taking it if he's not even gonna notice]

Cosmo: [‘good luck with that’ like he don’t care about anything ‘cos that’s how it seems hen]

Amber: [such a face on because even though he's proved they weren't friends and he's a dick she at least thought his hippie vibe wasn't total bollocks but all this expensive shit hard-core goes against that so with a sigh and a shrug she's going back to the window like well I might as well leave then 'thanks anyway, and sorry, again']

Cosmo: [a noise like that’s simplifying things a bit, a psh if you will, ‘guess he fucked you over first’ but a sincere face to show we know he did ‘just don’t do this again’ gestures vaguely like what bit do you mean sir]

Amber: ['it's my dad's stash, not mine' as if that's the only thing Dash did wrong because we're not gonna get into the fact you've known him for months you thought and likewise thought you were friends as everyone just thinks you're a slutty hippie stereotype so you have no reason to believe it's not the same assumption here 'I'll find a different way to replace it']

Cosmo: [reach in your pocket like how much even though you are a bit 😒 because essentially paying for your dickhead brother’s habit rn]

Amber: ['no!' such a fierce shake of her head and such a fiercely angry face because it's not his debt or problem even if it was actually about the money/ drugs instead of the lies and Dash's shitty behaviour which turns into a sad face/head in hands moment when she says 'I was beginning to think I couldn't feel any worse about how I've treated you' and just really quietly basically under her breath adding 'stupid' because @ herself for everything including thinking this was a good idea and still being here]

Cosmo: [‘hey’ and moving forward but then moving back awkwardly just as fast ‘cos we don’t really know what to think about you rn, as is this weird situation you find yourselves in ‘forget about it, I’m fine’ add ‘and the bit that ain’t fine is on him so don’t feel bad, honestly’]

Amber: [at least you can't see that awkward move back and feel worse for that gal because even though he's right and it's not really your fault you feel bad 'it's my fault he used your room, plenty of other girls from the commune wouldn't and haven't insisted on going anywhere else, and mine too that I'm at your house again today...I should've let it go' because we're never gonna be the peace and love cliche soz parents but we know that's what you want]

Cosmo: [‘he’s owed worse’ like I get why you didn’t let it go, even if your method is dubious babe]

Amber: [a smile that’s genuine relief because who else gets it in your life remotely but then you remember that so you’re like ‘retribution delivered karmically not by me’ but we still haven’t left and we obviously don’t mean it and aren’t trying to pretend we do with our tone because we’re not at the commune now bitches fight us]

Cosmo: [‘good luck with that’ ‘cos same energy of that’s bullshit]

Amber: [a little lol because he literally typed exactly that earlier like okay boy I get it ‘I’m owed worse’ than bad luck or being called out on bullshit that isn’t even hers but he thinks is, both definitely]

Cosmo: [‘undoubtedly’ and a shrug like soz, life’s shit]

Amber: ['where did you get it?' Meaning the money he just tried to give her obvs because she's thinking she might have to get a job to pay her dad back and even though she's clearly worked out from what he said about a better postcode at the weekend and how much stuff Dash has and how he treats it that it's likely from his dad but we hate when people make assumptions about us so we're not trying to do that]

Cosmo: [‘I go to a football academy’ not in the braggy way that sounds just stating the fact, she’s probably not aware that means you get paid boy but go off ‘if you need the cash, you should just take it’ like seriously gal, looking at her like]

Amber: ['What's that like?' SO surprised and intrigued in all the ways not like you could NEVER boy but she's obviously never met anyone else who does anything like that and even more importantly just really driving the point home that we don't know a thing about you and how wild it is we are here having this convo not to mention you're literally offering us money again which we are gonna shake our head to again as we make yet more eye contact 'when I need the money, I'll figure it out for myself' not angry tone this time just stating a fact]

Cosmo: [When you don’t really know how to answer that ‘cos the assumption always is that it’s a dream come true obvs because it is a big opportunity but it’s still a job at the end of the day, one you start much younger than most kids even get a part-time so we’re kinda like what do you mean lmao ‘yeah, it’s great, better than wasting my time at normal school, like’ asking a question back ‘cos not rude ‘you go to school?’ ‘cos undoubtedly aware loads of the commune lot don’t]

Amber: [‘I'm picturing the hunger games with a football' cos we are and that's what we mean lol because normal school is savage enough never mind something so focused on talent and competitiveness like 'are you a scorer?' Bringing back her adorably not knowing football terms and it's like it makes sense you would thrive there if you are and that type haha, nodding our answer to his question 'my dad teaches the kids who don't go' as if that's the only reason we go to school]

Cosmo: [little lol ‘maybe when you’re younger’ ‘cos obviously not all of you make it ‘but we all have pro contracts now, the deadweight is gone’ pop off with the basic explanation of your position on the team for her, we know the vibe hun, nods back ‘better than nothing, I guess’ but we clearly don’t really think so ‘you’re in his year?’ part sympathy part disgust lmao]

Amber: [obviously gonna ask him who his contract is with and if she can see him play but I won't commit you to picking a real team if you don't want to it's just to show that she's genuinely interested because likewise asking him other relevant questions when he's explaining the position he plays etc 'I don't mind school, being in the year above him definitely helps’ because my vibe is she would like school for lots of reasons but she's also Lowkey struggling a lot with it hence she doesn't really have time for a job rn very past me energy of having to do schoolwork until you literally go to bed]

Cosmo: [‘I don’t think it’ll be your scene’ and such a look of confusion that she asked like what do you want, suspish lol, smile though ‘that’s something’ ‘cos no one should have to suffer Dash in our opinion lmao]

Amber: ['Why not?' Such a genuine question but we aren't mad yet because we've clearly never been to a football match before so he might have a valid reason for thinking that and gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and obviously gonna throw something vaguely school related out of the window but nothing that would inconvenience your poor mother or nan though like yeah it's gonna be very important to me that we don't have to cross paths at school as well cos livid lol]

Cosmo: [‘Come on, you don’t think it’s all meat pies and

misogynists, like?’ with a 😏 energy ‘people like you are more likely to run onto the pitch with a sign than sit in the stands’ shakes head ‘sure he skives loads anyway, as the rest of this house actually has places to be and can’t keep a constant eye on him like the kid he is’ like you’ll barely have to see him, don’t worry, probs true]

Amber: [a lol ' are you saying it is or just that you don't want someone like me waving a sign with your name on from the stands?' Ignoring the Dash stuff entirely because now we know what a knob he is we are so over him]

Cosmo: [who can possibly say energy because that’s amused us lowkey]

Amber: ['I wanna see you play' because we do]

Cosmo: [‘why?’ because the levels we’re like WHAT DO YOU WANT cannot be overstated lmao]

Amber: [' Because I think it sounds fun, why don't you want me to?']

Cosmo: [‘if you want to go to a football match, you can’ like you don’t need to come to mine, which sounds ruder than we mean it, just pointing this out]

Amber: [the poutiest because rude and also we aren't stupid we're aware of that thank you boy 'and hold up a sign saying what, for who?' Because duh the fun is cheering you on sir]

Cosmo: [‘We don’t do cheerleaders’ but looking at her slightly less suspish and more curious]

Amber: ['okay, I won't wear the outfit, your loss' accidentally very saucy mental image soz not soz]

Cosmo: [we’re getting such slag vibes ‘cos of how this has all gone down so we’re like steady on gal ‘cos we’re not trying to put out that we’ll get on you ‘cos we know you’ve got previous, not that kinda boy, very #awks on your behalf ‘funny’]

Amber: [Ngl love that because she’s really not but he’s gonna keep thinking this for ages if she hooks up with a random at the clerb again this time and when she dates this old ass dude despite the fact it’s the first time she’s done either haha ‘Pom poms are usually plastic’ spoken like plastic is a swear word lol ‘and tissue paper isn’t recyclable either, environmentally responsible arts and crafts are the limit’]

Cosmo: [rolls eyes but not in the sarky energy of the emoji ‘what the fuck would you wave, some broccoli?’]

Amber: ['I can cut the cardboard into any shape’ so amused genuinely ‘so yes, if you like’]

Cosmo: [‘sure I wouldn’t wanna hinder your creativity, express yourself’ in a faux hippie energy]

Amber: ['I wouldn’t want everyone to think I was there protesting the pies and misogyny’🤔 ‘What number are you?’]

Cosmo: [‘hopefully I don’t mess up or you’ll have to add the racism to the list’ but tell her your number obvs]

Amber: [do a tick on the palm on her hand with her finger like noted ‘Does that mean I’m invited?’]

Cosmo: [‘it’s not an invite event’ shrugs ‘cos we still do not get this lmao ‘can’t stop you’]

Amber: [‘Unfriendly’ because I’m bringing that pun back thank you]

Cosmo: [my boo says I can and I will, ‘so weird’ kinda under our breath but not in a snide way so she could hear]

Amber: [‘it being weird to be interested in getting to know you says more about you than me’ like 😏 energy of what you’re so unlikeable are you as if the weirdness doesn’t come from the fact you hooked up with his brother and then broke into his house but okay babe]

Cosmo: [‘we’re not going to be friends’ like that’s a fact, bit rude but also I understand]

Amber: [‘We could be’ again so genuine as if there’s not reasons why you wouldn’t]

Cosmo: [‘no’ very simply even if we’re a bit #conflicted ‘cos don’t want to be a dick to you]

Amber: [‘okay’ because you literally can’t and wouldn’t argue with that so just actually go to leave for real this time gal]

Cosmo: [gonna have to let her go for now but let some time pass but like 15 mins ish not like a long time, enough that she’s gone though]

Cosmo: I didn’t mean to offend you

Amber: You didn’t, it would have offended me if you’d said no after your first 👀

Cosmo: Good

Cosmo: because it’s not about you

Cosmo: it isn’t a problem with you personally, I mean

Amber: it’s about your brother, I know, I’m not a real 👽 I understand why

Cosmo: Amongst other things, yeah

Amber: other things you don’t have to explain to me, it’s okay, I meant and mean it

Cosmo: alright

Amber: Thanks for trying to help me

Cosmo: There’s other ways to screw him over, if you want to

Amber: are there?

Cosmo: ‘course

Cosmo: there are things he cares about, even if not his things

Amber: like…?

Cosmo: think about it, he made it obvious

Cosmo: access to drugs and hippie girls

Amber: I don’t have a way to take either of those from him

Cosmo: Yeah you do

Cosmo: you live there, they’re your ‘family’ or whatever nonsense

Amber: not the girls he goes for, they’re always new

Cosmo: you can’t put it in the welcome pack

Amber: I’m not going to draw more attention to him, there’s already too much, and some of these girls would be more attracted to any negatives I pointed out, for reasons I don’t need to explain

Cosmo: drugs then, the new girls won’t be the source of those

Amber: Neither am I

Cosmo: it’ll be blokes

Cosmo: or at least adults

Cosmo: braindead or otherwise, they can’t all be fooled by him and his bullshit

Cosmo: get him cut off

Amber: I’m flattered you think my word is worth more than money to a dealer, but I’m not sure it is

Cosmo: I thought it was nature’s bounty with you lot only

Cosmo: and you pretended to have morals about it all

Amber: pretended being the key word, but I’ll try and get him blacklisted

Cosmo: I’m just saying, fuck up his spot there, that’s the only thing that would bother him

Cosmo: If you can’t then you can’t, sorry

Amber: I just don’t want him to think I care about his behaviour because of the bad sex we had, which he probably will

Cosmo: Yeah, probably

Cosmo: he loves himself enough to believe everyone else does

Amber: If they were my sisters this would be a lot easier

Cosmo: It’s a big enough place to avoid him, yeah?

Amber: But letting him get away with this is giving him free passes for as long as he wants to lie and treat other people the same, I shouldn’t allow it when the only reason is because I don’t really have time for a full blown vendetta, who am I if I do that?

Amber: …sorry for the vent, this isn’t your responsibility

Cosmo: You’re clearly a decent person

Cosmo: You can’t be responsible for all the ones that aren’t

Cosmo: I should do something because he’s my brother, right

Cosmo: but I can’t

Amber: I’m taking the compliment, after that we can stop talking about him

Cosmo: You wanted help with it

Amber: And the dealer angle is helpful ⭐️

Cosmo: Alright, I didn’t have to like but I felt bad for you

Amber: You could’ve stopped there and not made me feel bad about myself

Cosmo: I was trying to do the opposite

Cosmo: you got sarky with your ⭐️s

Cosmo: I didn’t fuck you over

Amber: It was genuine, for a genuinely good idea! I also said thank you and sorry, like, multiple times

Cosmo: Who uses gold stars genuinely

Amber: My dad has sheets of them he never uses sarcastically if you wanna start being someone

Cosmo: Alright, teacher jokes

Cosmo: You understand that it looks sarcastic though

Cosmo: To standard people

Amber: To people who don’t think it was a good idea, you mean, but who are they? It makes sense and will probably work

Amber: and I understand why it’s easier for you to take this stance with me, sure, we’ve been through that

Cosmo: What stance?

Amber: close to argumentative without crossing over the line, defensive

Cosmo: You broke into my house, I dunno how you aren’t getting that

Cosmo: unless you’re purposefully pretending not to, which is your dick move, not mine

Amber: I know I did, but you have no reason to feel unsafe because of me, which we’ve also been through

Cosmo: I don’t, feel unsafe

Cosmo: I don’t think that means we need to talk or get to know each other

Amber: It’s not going to happen again which means you don’t have to see me again, and we can stop talking any time too

Cosmo: You’re acting like I’m being rude

Amber: No, I said it was fine when you asked me if I was offended

Cosmo: What were you trying to do, asking about me

Amber: get the answers

Cosmo: 🙄

Cosmo: Yeah but why

Amber: Why wouldn’t I want to leave you with an impression which isn’t me as some BIG BAD coming through your window? Because I’m not and you wouldn’t think so if we bumped into each other in town anywhere ‘normal’

Cosmo: So you was trying to get yourself out of trouble

Cosmo: Yeah, okay, that makes sense

Cosmo: I just wanted to know why, that’s all

Amber: I don’t wanna be in trouble but it wasn’t that calculating

Amber: isn’t

Amber: meeting new people, striking up conversation in situations that other people often don’t think are natural, kinda are to me

Cosmo: It’s not a bad thing, I could’ve called the police on you

Cosmo: obviously you don’t want that

Cosmo: you don’t need to worry, I won’t, even if it is a bit late now anyway

Cosmo: Sure, but even so

Cosmo: you can’t say you’re doing that on the regs

Amber: You don’t have my name and the description you could give wouldn’t narrow it down very much once you directed them here

Amber: but I’d still prefer you didn’t, I’m not gonna lie

Amber: I don’t get pushed to those extremes regularly, no, because most people who say they’re my friends are and don’t treat me how Dash did

Amber: if you’re waiting for me to say sorry for making the best out of the unexpected, you being there, I’m not going to

Cosmo: I’ve seen plenty of them, they don’t look like you

Cosmo: Well I’m glad to hear you aren’t regularly breaking and entering

Cosmo: I don’t need an apology

Amber: What do you need, besides the ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️?

Cosmo: Ha ha

Cosmo: like I said, I just didn’t get it

Cosmo: and who says I want to leave a bad impression either

Amber: I haven’t met a ⚽️🏆⭐️ before, if I asked too many questions, that’s why, but if I made you feel uncomfortable, that’s a worse impression and you’ll get an apology anyway

Amber: Not you, or you wouldn’t have helped and I’d be talking to the police instead

Cosmo: I’m used to that

Cosmo: Usually from lads though

Cosmo: or girls but it’s more obviously fake

Cosmo: I’m no ⭐️ yet anyway

Cosmo: I’m not being compared to him, even if that means doing shit it isn’t my job to, I’d rather

Amber: I’m not comparing you, in spite of it turning out I only know Dash as well as I know you

Amber: you could’ve told me you didn’t want me coming to watch you play because of the other girls that do, I’m used to plenty at school being jealous of the way I look

Cosmo: And I intend to keep it that way, the lack of comparison

Cosmo: If I say that’s not what I meant will you accuse me of trying to make you feel bad again?

Amber: What did you mean? If you’re not trying to make me feel bad, I won’t accuse you of anything you haven’t done

Cosmo: It’d be weird if you came because my dad will be there

Amber: I’m even more used to that, all my ‘normal friends’ parents are judgmental about my piercings and the tattoos they can see, it’s okay, I don’t have to come

Cosmo: He wouldn’t judge you, but games are about winning, focus, all that

Cosmo: not inviting random strangers

Amber: He’d still be judging me for how he thinks I’ll behave, as a distraction, either way I’m a bad influence 😈

Cosmo: He’d just be pissed off with me, honestly

Amber: I’ll have to wait to watch you on tv one day, keeping it a secret from my parents who’d be 😠 at me

Amber: and if I get too impatient I can always break into the bedroom of one of your teammates, befriend them and cut their number out of cardboard…

Cosmo: You reckon, do ya

Amber: That you’ll be a 📺⭐️ or someone else on the team will be happy to have me appear in their bedroom? Because yes, I do

Cosmo: 😂 Can’t knock the confidence

Amber: Negging hasn’t been considered flirting since approximately the 90s, so no

Cosmo: Reckoning I’m flirting with you borders on delusional

Amber: which borders on what, ableism? Keep going if you have nothing to do but dig to Australia

Cosmo: Entertaining your fantasies isn’t a requirement for being a good person, whatever politically correct label you wanna throw on it

Amber: If my fantasies were that instantaneous I wouldn’t need entertainment from anywhere else

Cosmo: Good luck with that

Amber: Thanks, I am bored enough to attempt construction of a fully make believe world

Cosmo: You have time to get bored?

Amber: it’s not a forced labour camp

Cosmo: you wouldn’t keep around useless stoners if it was

Amber: And as someone who fits that mould, thank god 🙌🏽

Cosmo: it’s usually more exploitation in the name of free love anyway

Cosmo: and that doesn’t sound familiar at all

Amber: Because you’ve never been in any way exploited

Cosmo: I haven’t, actually, but that’s not really the point

Amber: Of course you have

Cosmo: How have I?

Cosmo: You’re chatting shit which won’t detract from the fact that place attracts nothing but predators of one kind or the other

Amber: Your parents sacrificed you to ⚽️🏆⭐️ the same as mine did to me with ✌🏽☮️💙 we’re both indoctrinated, yours just has a definite job prospect attached to it

Cosmo: You don’t know a single thing about me or my parents, you asked a few questions

Cosmo: you confirmed my brother picks off new girls like a opportunist abuser, and I know he ain’t the only one who treats that place like that

Cosmo: I didn’t say fuck all about you or your parents

Amber: Sport attracts predators too, nobody’s condemning it because of how a large number of people in positions of power treat the ones they have power over

Cosmo: Sport is regulated

Cosmo: for fuck’s sake

Amber: We open our doors to vulnerable people, there are always going to be other people who try and take advantage of that, and maybe at the next place they do there won’t also be as many people around who care

Cosmo: Yeah, you’ve identified the problem there

Cosmo: vulnerable people need protection and actual help

Cosmo: not care from a bunch of people who are entirely unqualified to do shit

Amber: They get help from qualified adults, not every person living there is a clueless teenager and you are actually allowed to leave

Cosmo: Yeah, that’s the point, anyone getting enough real help would leave

Cosmo: it’s a half-way house at best and for every ‘success’ and person that gets the fuck out, you have just as many that get sucked into bullshit they otherwise wouldn’t if you weren’t there

Amber: You’ve never even been there

Cosmo: Don’t need to

Cosmo: if the evidence weren’t out my window, it’s in my house and all so

Amber: Dash based evidence would make anyone cynical

Cosmo: You wish he was your only problem

Cosmo: just because he’s a dick, don’t mean he’s not got it from somewhere, or he wouldn’t get away with it

Amber: Nowhere’s perfect or fucked irreparably, you wish it was that cut and dry

Cosmo: I’m not the one who thinks I’m creating a utopian society

Cosmo: no one needs perfect, just not batshit harmful bullshit

Amber: Neither am I

Cosmo: Not you personally

Amber: So stop attacking me personally, get a 📢 and point it out of your window towards someone who really believes all the things you think are harmful bullshit

Cosmo: I’m not attacking you

Amber: You’re saying things I either have to agree or disagree with about my home and way of life that I’ve already had to spend a really long time defending or denouncing in exactly the same way

Cosmo: You don’t like it because it’s true

Cosmo: I can’t help that

Cosmo: but it’s exactly why there’s no point talking again

Amber: I can’t help that my parents like it there and really believe in things I don’t

Cosmo: Don’t they care what you want?

Amber: I go to school, we’ve stayed long enough for me to make friends, as far as they are concerned, I’m getting what I want

Cosmo: Is that all you want though?

Amber: it’s getting my own way more than a lot of my friends do, what 17 year old gets everything they want?

Cosmo: Parents should give a shit about their kid’s happiness

Cosmo: it’s not being a brat about wanting more money and a later curfew

Amber: I care about their happiness too

Cosmo: they aren’t meant to make that your problem

Amber: Putting me first and their own lives to the side would cause problems for all of us, if they’re miserable I’m not gonna be happy, and not expressing it wouldn’t mean it wasn’t still obvious

Cosmo: Are they happy?

Amber: Happier than they’ve been for years, my dad left his girlfriend and my mama has a new boyfriend, they’re both loving their jobs and the people they’ve met here who they aren’t dating too… I’d say they are

Cosmo: You’re scared they’ll want to leave again

Cosmo: or that place will get shut down and they’ll be no choice in it

Amber: They will or it will, what I’m afraid of is when it does I’ll make the choice to stay and they won’t

Cosmo: If they’d rather be helping other people than their own kid that’s fucked

Amber: I’m their 👶🏽 forever but not a child, they’d rather treat me like an adult

Cosmo: Whether you’re ready for that or not?

Amber: Some things you don’t ever feel ready for, but they have to happen anyway and when they do you’re almost always 😁 or at least slightly relieved it’s done

Cosmo: You aren’t old enough to be left anyway, whatever they’d rather do

Amber: An irrational fear for a while longer

Amber: I’m not bored enough for crystal healing

Cosmo: That’s not a thing

Cosmo: you’re taking the piss now

Amber: it’s not something that works, but it’s something that happens

Amber: often

Cosmo: I suppose I don’t even wanna know what that entails

Cosmo: if it’s not good enough for max boredom even

Amber: What are you doing? Now that you’re done making me question my entire life

Cosmo: I really weren’t

Cosmo: I know there’s fuck all you can do but there’s plenty actual adults there could and haven’t long before you showed

Cosmo: I need to go do my run

Cosmo: I’m behind schedule now

Amber: You haven’t really, don’t feel bad, it’s my turn again for putting you behind schedule

Cosmo: Inexcusable, really

Cosmo: If we’d have found a way for you to get back at him and/or get your money back we’d be further behind so win some lose some

Amber: I’m sorry x 9

Cosmo: I get it, I don’t deserve the sincerity of actually bothering to type it out

Cosmo: Call it even then?

Amber: I’d prefer to call us odd but okay

Cosmo: ‘course, got to keep it 👽 I know

Amber: Tempting fate slightly, unless you want to get abducted on your run

Cosmo: I was clearly after an invitation, yeah

Cosmo: I’m alright, tah, only one dickhead who looks like me will be showing

Amber: Is that my invite to a race? Because I don’t think I’d be able to beat you

Cosmo: Is that humility? Doesn’t seem like you

Cosmo: you’ve already been abducted yourself, obvs

Amber: Or shameless untrue flattery

Cosmo: Hmm

Cosmo: Possible, yeah

Cosmo: but you never would beat me so we’re at real delusion again

Amber: Distance or speed?

Cosmo: I have unfair advantages for both

Cosmo: I run up and down a field for 90 minutes a time, and I have about double the leg length you do

Amber: It’s really cute you think I’d let anything happen fairly when I could just cheat

Cosmo: There’s no point having any kind of competition if you don’t follow the rules

Cosmo: take your hollow victory then, see if it feels good

Amber: You’ve made me not want it now! 🥺

Cosmo: N’awh

Cosmo: right buzzkill, I know

Amber: Besides leg measuring, what do you do for fun? And don’t say run up and down a field for 90 minutes

Cosmo: Just what us footie lads are like, good clean fun, unlike rugby

Cosmo: what do you actually do, when you’re avoiding crystal healings?

Amber: The big 🚿 at the end can’t be what makes you happiest either, I don’t believe that’s true of anyone

Amber: other than shopping, I’m sure I do mostly the same as the rest of the girls you know

Cosmo: IDK I’m sure it makes the predatory coaches buzzing when we’re all lathered up 🧼

Cosmo: but shopping is all the girls I know do 😜

Cosmo: I’m the same, is your actual answer, what every 17 year old lad with some disposable income does

Amber: Great, I’ll need the healing to erase that visual…

Amber: It can’t be, because then I’ll have to feel sorry for you AND the girls you know, they’ll have other interests they’re avoiding telling you about, like I am

Amber: the boys I know our age definitely don’t seem like they do much of anything, besides get drunk and high, so there must be A LOT of other hobbies they’re keeping secret from me too

Cosmo: Maybe you’ve uncovered the truth there

Cosmo: Girls and boys don’t tell each other everything, or anything

Cosmo: Or we both know poor examples

Cosmo: Who’s to ever be sure

Amber: But now it’s been uncovered, either way, we can change it

Amber: I’ll go first, the childish faves I was keeping from you are swimming and dancing, because they make me sound about 9 years old

Cosmo: I don’t think so

Cosmo: depends on how you frame it, swimming is great cardio and underwater is a great place to think or not think as much as you need

Cosmo: dancing, likewise great cardio, and good for the soul, sure your lot would put it, mood-boosting for the rest of us

Cosmo: you sound very well-⚪️ed, if anything, not 👶

Amber: It’s your turn

Cosmo: alright, bossy

Cosmo: you already know I like football and I like to run

Cosmo: I like the gym too, swimming as well, actually

Cosmo: going out for meals, drinks, all that stuff

Amber: Nobody likes the gym, the effects and ego boost maybe

Cosmo: I do

Cosmo: it’s a building with workout equipment in, not a torture chamber

Cosmo: and the one at the academy is really good

Amber: you like how much you can 🏋🏽‍♂️ and having your friends to compete against

Cosmo: is that a question or an assumption

Amber: I’m changing it to a question because you caught me in an assumption, which I hate, so ?

Cosmo: 😏

Cosmo: competition is a good motivator, so is seeing progress in your abilities, sure

Cosmo: exercise makes you feel better, whatever form you like doing it in, it’s that simple

Amber: I’m not gonna lie and pretend I do yoga for any other reason than how flexible I am as a result, I guess we finally agree on something, even if it is something shallow

Cosmo: It’s not shallow

Cosmo: giving a shit about your body and your health isn’t just because looking good is nice, it also feels better

Amber: but if I cared about my health there are vices I’ve picked up that I wouldn’t have and things I wouldn’t put into my body which I do, you’re on a journey and I’m doing the occasional day trip

Cosmo: Very hippie-approved

Cosmo: songs about it and everything, right

Cosmo: I do drink, I just try not to get wasted

Cosmo: it’d be unsociable not to at all

Amber: You’d look like a 👽 and you’d have to move somewhere that isn’t Dublin

Cosmo: And change my occupation

Amber: drastic avoidance tactic to stop me from meeting your dad or watching you play

Cosmo: 😂 Not all about you, hippie

Amber: That’s the rudest thing you’ve said to me so far!

Cosmo: And WAGs are meant to be high-maintenance…

Amber: meaning they put time and effort into their appearance, which you just applauded as a virtue in yourself

Cosmo: No, meaning you have to put a lot of effort in to maintain the relationship

Cosmo: but it was a joke before you get all soapbox about it

Amber: a joke I’m not gonna let you get away with making, boy

Amber: but if we need to talk about anything it’s that you don’t think all relationships require a lot of time and effort

Cosmo: I didn’t, it’s a joke that’s made, by people in general

Cosmo: it’s more 🤑🤩 maintenance people are implying, not 🥰😘

Amber: You repeated it, like it’s funny or true, or both

Amber: after I told you I hate assumptions, and stereotypes aren’t any different

Cosmo: They’re inevitable and you’ve made loads about me, my friends and my family so

Cosmo: that sounds like your problem

Amber: The difference is, I’m trying to not and I apologised when I did, you’re doubling down

Cosmo: I’m not doubling down because it’s a joke, which means I didn’t mean it in the first place

Cosmo: You did and that’s why you’re mad

Amber: Why are you like this?

Cosmo: Like what?

Amber: 2 seconds away from an argument at ALL times

Cosmo: You’ve started every one

Cosmo: People like you reckon you can say whatever bullshit you want like you’re so knowing and zen and then I’m the arsehole for not just letting you chat shit on me

Amber: You keep saying people like me, when I’m obviously not like that

Amber: zen or all knowing

Cosmo: I said it was bullshit

Cosmo: It’s what you wanna project

Cosmo: that you’ve got it figured out, which is why you live such a mental way of life, because it’s actually the RIGHT way of life and we’re all stupid and brainwashed, not yous

Cosmo: ⭐️

Amber: I told you why I live there and that I don’t believe in it

Amber: using ⭐️ against me is bullshit

Cosmo: Maybe you can’t help it

Cosmo: you don’t even know you’re doing it

Amber: Do you know you’re being a fucking asshole?

Cosmo: Yeah

Cosmo: do you?

Amber: now I do

Amber: It’s not an intention, but you’re right, sometimes I open my mouth to speak and either of my parents come out

Cosmo: I know the feeling

Cosmo: maybe that’s inevitable too

Cosmo: how individual are any of us really, we’re all just a mess of the people we know

Amber: Better not be! Or I’ve really wasted years fighting to think for myself, carving out compromises to end up not even wanting them

Cosmo: Won’t say good luck with that but

Cosmo: it’s a nice thought, anyway

Amber: A nicer thought than becoming them, living like this forever and being happy with that

Cosmo: What do you want to do?

Amber: It’s stupid

Amber: but I wanna eat 🍕 and buy a new 👗 to wear out somewhere and come home and sleep in a 🛏 on my own or with the same fucking person

Cosmo: That isn’t stupid

Cosmo: I think that’s what a lot of people want

Cosmo: Some variation of, when it comes down to it

Amber: It’s what my school friends already have, that’s why it’s stupid, because I shouldn’t have to fight for it, it’s stupid because they think I have the type of freedom they daydream about

Cosmo: Maybe you do have things they don’t have but want

Cosmo: maybe they’re not as close to their parents, or they’re an only-child who would kill for all the people around

Cosmo: or maybe some people are lucky from the start and some have to make their own

Amber: maybe x 9

Cosmo: If you’re keeping count

Cosmo: You’ll be able to get all those things

Amber: Not for a while, but one day, maybe

Amber: because if I’m keeping count that’s only 4

Cosmo: There’s time for a few more

Amber: If you introduce me to the girls you know who do nothing but shop, I could get a new 👗 in no time, right?

Cosmo: Or you could go with your own friends

Cosmo: the non-commune ones, that won’t cry at a plastic bag

Amber: Maybe… if I hadn’t had the fast fashion rant at them all, I don’t even know I’m doing it, I told you you’d got that right

Cosmo: Ah

Cosmo: I see

Cosmo: I could take you if you want

Cosmo: you’ll have to take cover in the rails if you see one of them coming

Amber: I don’t wanna mess up your schedule again, you’ll have to fit me in when it suits you, not when I’m pouting

Cosmo: Right, so when are you not pouting? 🤔

Amber: When you stop being mean to me

Amber: maybe

Cosmo: Good use of a maybe

Cosmo: How about Saturday lunchtime

Cosmo: I have to eat, after-all

Amber: Teeth off me and my 👗

Cosmo: Not a cannibal

Cosmo: or a moth?

Cosmo: I’m just saying, that’s a free hour, if you’re worried about my schedule

Amber: okay, 1 shop, I promise

Amber: less than an hour

Cosmo: I’ll take that as a maybe

Cosmo: I’m not going to put you on a timer, like

Cosmo: Saturdays are pretty flexible and you’re going to wanna take time to enjoy yourself and all

Amber: You don’t wanna race me, I know

Cosmo: You don’t wanna cheat no more

Cosmo: maybe

Amber: I won’t

Cosmo: Alright

Cosmo: I still don’t wanna make you sad

Amber: I’m not gonna cry because you take 🥇

Cosmo: As long as that’s a promise

Amber: it is, maybe I didn’t know anything about ⚽️ before today but I understand sportsmanship`

Cosmo: What shops do you want to go to?

Amber: I was kinda hoping you’d know the answer

Cosmo: I do, I’ve got you covered then

Cosmo: Pick you up [time]

Amber: from where?

Cosmo: There’s a phonebox outside there, right? Go there

Amber: 🦸🏽

Cosmo: I’ll look for the 🤓 then

Amber: When you asked me what I wanted to do, my first thought was my homework

Cosmo: Serious?

Amber: I have a LOT and it’s really hard to concentrate here

Cosmo: You remember what window is actually his?

Cosmo: ‘cos he’s never in so

Cosmo: You could

Cosmo: as long as you don’t come in the rest of the house, my room included

Amber: Are you serious?

Cosmo: It isn’t my room

Cosmo: just keep to sociable hours, why not

Cosmo: you said homework, not wild party

Amber: thanks

Amber: I’m almost as speechless as I was when you were telling me to leave

Cosmo: I know

Cosmo: I’m not saying I didn’t say some harsh things

Cosmo: It’s been weird but there’s no reason you can’t have somewhere quiet

Cosmo: and apart from me and him, no one really comes up to the first floor much

Amber: weirder than my usual daily life deserves every ⭐️ my dad has

Amber: and so do you, for this and everything else you’ve helped me with

Cosmo: Nah, it’s nothing

Cosmo: not my finest hour, actually

Cosmo: but it’s alright

Amber: it’s not nothing, it’s definitely something

Cosmo: We’re even

Cosmo: it wasn’t all ⭐️s so

Amber: plenty of it was

Cosmo: That don’t make it alright

Cosmo: I don’t make it a habit of being a fucking asshole, believe it or not

Amber: Neither do I

Amber: we’re even

Cosmo: 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

Amber: that’s a weird visual, thanks for it

Cosmo: You’re welcome for the artistic inspiration, like

Amber: if your idea is that your teammate bans me from matches too, there are gonna be easier ways than encouraging me to show up with 9 thumb shaped cardboard signs…

Cosmo: My theoretical teammate

Cosmo: That you ain’t gonna meet

Amber: Yes, him

Cosmo: 😏

Amber: The entire squad can’t all have pushy parents and intense girlfriends

Amber: ⚽⭐🏆🥂🤵

Cosmo: You’re doubling down on the whole stalker thing then, yeah

Amber: The positives speak for themselves

Cosmo: Maybe you’ll be offered a better place to do your homework

Amber: for when you’re spending your weekends in a better postcode and Dash’s room’ll have to be off-limits unless I make no noise and write my essays in the dark

Cosmo: Of course

Cosmo: unless you really wanna explain wtf you’re doing to my nan

Amber: Is the 🍊 thing real? To win over your friends, not your grandma, necessarily

Amber: I’d go for a different fruit in that case

Cosmo: It’s more of a thing when you’re a kid but it’s not not a thing

Cosmo: And fruit baskets too, very retro

Amber: okay, there’s my in

Amber: using the wonky ones would help my cause if we’re pretending to your nan I’m in that dire need of sanctuary, but find out her favourites, if she’s not gonna fall for the SOS

Cosmo: Would you rather not be incognito

Cosmo: She might think you’re Dash’s girlfriend or something

Amber: It wouldn’t take long to correct the assumption, but I only would if I had to, like, if she’s suddenly scared she’s living somewhere haunted

Cosmo: Wonky veg at the ready 👍

Amber: Always

Amber: but I’m actually excellent at hiding, which makes me sound how old? 3 maybe

Cosmo: It makes you sound deluded, definitely

Cosmo: I found you well easy

Amber: Because I wanted you to

Cosmo: Not me

Amber: yes you, Dash enters a room very differently, I knew it wasn’t him

Cosmo: You didn’t know me, you couldn’t want me to

Amber: You’ve heard of curiosity, right? I didn’t have to know you to want to find out who you were

Cosmo: I’ve not got 9 lives 🐈

Amber: that you know of

Cosmo: You think that’s a theory to test?

Amber: I’m not dangerous, remember

Cosmo: Allegedly

Amber: You can allegedly run away at the speed of light and even though you haven’t bragged about it, could probably also pick me up and throw me out 💪🏽⭐️

Cosmo: I’m not going to do that

Amber: I’m not a test

Cosmo: Debatable

Amber: Today’s events, maybe, but that isn’t what you should define me by

Cosmo: It’s okay, I won’t

Cosmo: we said we were even, I meant it

Amber: make your mind up on Saturday when I test your patience by trying on every dress I like and ask you what you think

Cosmo: That’s your prerogative

Cosmo: delegated to the bench with the other men

Amber: 🥼👖👟👓 I know you have the money to get a new outfit too because you were willing to give it to me twice

Cosmo: I might

Amber: I won’t tell you what I think if that’s what’s putting you off 😶

Cosmo: I think I can handle your fashion critiques 🤣

Amber: Because I don’t have any fashion sense or because yours is ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ and above criticism?

Cosmo: We have different styles

Cosmo: I’m not going to dress like a stoner, you’re not gonna dress like a WAG

Amber: Like a stoner? Really?

Cosmo: I went for the male and female equivalents

Cosmo: so you can’t pout

Amber: Yes I can, you’ve seen me in 1 outfit, which I wore to climb through a window

Cosmo: And I ain’t said nothing bad about it

Amber: there’s nothing complimentary in the tone of us having different styles when you follow it up with I’m not gonna dress like you

Cosmo: Are you going to get your own footie strip? No

Cosmo: It wasn’t an insult, not towards you

Amber: If they weren’t ridiculously expensive, I would, if only because it would annoy you now

Cosmo: Now that sounds 👶

Amber: it’d be worth it to see your face

Cosmo: 🙄😏

Amber: Besides, we’re the same age, I don’t have anything to prove

Cosmo: Am I a test?

Amber: you’re a boy I wanna know, it’d put me to the test if you hadn’t said no already

Cosmo: Somehow I doubt that’s ever been a challenge for you

Amber: I don’t see it as a challenge, no means no, and if you change your own mind, it means you’re open to it and there’s no obstacles to get over

Cosmo: A PC response but a fair one

Amber: I can’t complain when boys take my no for a maybe if I do the same, and I don’t like it, so keeping my mouth shut would be hard

Cosmo: Your mind just jumps to some weird places

Cosmo: I just said we’d make no sense as friends

Amber: That’s your mind leapfrogging to the strangest possible place

Amber: thinking all your friends have to be like you

Cosmo: It’s easier

Cosmo: like you and your school friends, you already put your foot in it

Cosmo: that doesn’t happen when you’re the same

Amber: Nothing happens when you’re the same, nothing ever changes

Cosmo: You want things to change for you, it makes sense for you

Amber: why don’t you?

Cosmo: Why would I?

Cosmo: I’m set up in ways people would kill for

Amber: Why wouldn’t you, even if you love everything that’s happening in your life right now, change can still be good

Cosmo: I’m not anti change

Cosmo: as long as it’s in the right direction

Amber: and I’m the wrong direction?

Cosmo: No, you’re like

Cosmo: a completely different path

Cosmo: we run parallel

Amber: I’m not gonna force you down any paths

Cosmo: I know

Cosmo: and I know it’s rude

Cosmo: but it’d be ruder to waste your time, I think

Cosmo: and I don’t want to do that

Amber: What do you wanna do?

Cosmo: I don’t know

Amber: I can go by myself on Saturday, to make things easier

Cosmo: There’s no need

Cosmo: It’s not like we need to be besties to do that

Amber: besties

Amber: maybe if we were 👶🏽

Cosmo: Well exactly, you get my point

Cosmo: we can just

Cosmo: be aware of each other

Amber: Thanks for not asking me to become unaware of you

Cosmo: Be unfair of me to ask when I won’t

Amber: and when you hate when I pout

Cosmo: That too

Amber: you’d especially hate being at school with me, pouting’s all I do

Cosmo: I thought you liked it? 🤓

Amber: I like learning new things, but not how many new things there are that I have to, what feels like all the time

Amber: progress doesn’t just apply to fitness, I wanna see some with this

Cosmo: That’s understandable

Cosmo: It’s a lot, leavers cert

Cosmo: Do you get any help or whatever?

Amber: Extra work whenever I ask for it, but none of the teachers are expecting me to still be here by the time we take exams, which means I’m another school’s problem or success story, and that could be a different country, so they aren’t gonna work hard to get me through leavers cert, are they?

Cosmo: No, I guess not

Cosmo: They should but you’re right they probably won’t

Cosmo: Do you think you’ll be here?

Amber: No, we’ve been here for months already

Cosmo: If you was leaving you’d be gone already, like

Cosmo: Maybe get another student to tutor you

Cosmo: they’re better than teachers ‘cos they’ll let you know what you actually need to know to do well on the tests

Amber: We’re not leaving while my parents are happy and feel needed but nobody at the commune wants summer schooling and my dad will get restless

Amber: but that’s a good idea while I am, I’ll find someone

Cosmo: I’m not smart enough or I would

Cosmo: I just did what I had to to coast by but it’s not the focus

Amber: You don’t have the time, boy

Cosmo: True

Cosmo: Speaking of

Amber: Oh sorry! 🤓 rant over

Cosmo: You’re alright, I need to actually get a decent workout in now though or it doesn’t really count

Cosmo: Saturday though, yeah

Amber: I’ll be at the phonebox at [just before whatever time he said]

Cosmo: 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

Cosmo: You’ll remember what I look like and not get in a random car, right?

Amber: I’m not a goldfish

Amber: and if I did forget I’d stalk your 🏋🏽📷

Cosmo: Oh right, I forgot you were a dedicated creeper

Amber: I wouldn’t be 😠 if you did

Cosmo: Too bad 😏

Amber: goodbye x 9

Cosmo: 👋

[haliajververs]

i might as well write my 2020 recap now bc my mood is kinda stable rn

some days i think 2020 was a fuck-fest. some days i am smart enough to see that only some of it was in fact a fuck-fast but that only makes it much more difficult and painful y a y

the first few months were lovely. birthdays, a very soft winter, being in love, corona coming but i had a bf who distracted me and kept me busy, travelled to amsterdam, a nice spring. it was awonderful time in my life and it feels suckish that those great months feel worthless in retrospect bc of the breaak-up. i hope soon i’ll be able to see them for the wonderful experiences they were rather than only mourn those good times.

then i changed jobs. for the better. and decided to move into my ex-bf’s flat. annnnd that was when things went downhill. or probably i started to see our differences so much more clearly. i was happy but never quite felt at home and had trouble communicating what was wrong.

from june til end of september i had highs and super lows. the wedding, a few of our hikes, date night at a concert, a theatre outing, nights with friends but in between those i was just miserable and felt very suffocated by my feelings. i was wanted this to work, i wanted to be happy SO BAD. i blamed everything on my brain. i searched for a good therapy to help me be happy in my relationship. bc i thought it was self-sabotage. now i see that it wasn’t that. i DID make mistakes but i was never too broken to be part of our love story. it just didn’t work for and bc i did love him it was sth i did not want to accept.

our break-up left me numb. and still feel myself missing our good days, our jokes, our vibing, but i couldnt trust him in the end bc i never drew my boundaries. i’m wiser now in terms of what i need and what i should give and what being a couple means. i still mourn us every fucking day and i hope i can come to more peace with it soon.

and yet the tough time brought me good things: sooo much support from friends, my nice new therapist, my great flat, my rekindled love with reading, a bond with a friends mom, time to find myself again, amazing collegues who i care about sooo much

corona is just raging in the background and making me nauseous with fear and exhaustion from time to time but i’m SO thankful nobody i know closely went ill yet

i wish for 2021 to bring me a better mindspace towards myself and what i want and what i need and that i deserve love even after breaking our hearts, i wish to get to go out again to dance and explore, i wish for haelth and stability, good food, good music, new people, peace, maybe becoming friends with my ex, just a year that makes me feel less war-torn bc i went to heaven and hell and back again

i want to write more, read more, shape myself as a person, i want to be more me than i ever was

thankfully i will spent nye with one or two good friends who also went through a break-up 2020 and we will just drink and play games and start a new more hopeful 2021

p.s. my biggest wish for 2021 is me getting that vaccine tbh