#jesus i hate I HATE this feelings so so much

[novashelby]

"Keep Still"-Michael Gray x Reader Smut

Pairing: Michael Gray x Reader

Rating: MDNI. 18+

Warnings: shaving kink, dirty language, humiliation, degradation, dubcon

Word Count: 1.2k

Summary: Michael enjoys playing with his prey before eating it. He decides to give his plaything a little touch up and inspection.

He had made her sit across from him for the better half of an hour; back resting against the headboard, legs spread, and her hands between her thighs, exposing herself to him. Her fingers shape a peace sign, widening her pussy lips. To her dismay, he teased her lightly, “so wet it’s glistening. Can see it from here.” Comfortable and arrogant, he sat on the pin cushioned chair at the foot of the bed. She didn’t have to say a thing, her face said it all as she bashfully looked the other way. He said, unprompted, “I know….” Unfolding his legs, he slid from the chair, lazily dabbing out his cigarette. Taking smooth, slow, teasing strides over, he loosened his shirt, exposing his toned chest. Michael Gray knew he was attractive, and that made him absolutely insufferable and arrogant, and regrettably, that made him irresistible to her. 

He reached the edge of the bed. Just off to the side was a razor and a circular jar of shaving cream. On the nightstand was a slightly warm bowl of water and a towel. He tapped her fingers for her to remove them before he grabbed the towel and bowl of water to cleanse her. Intrigued, she watched as he dunked the cloth in, the sounds of the splashes sending tingles up her spine and over her scalp. Goosebumps soon joined over her skin as the wet cloth, cooled by the air, touched over her most intimate parts. In sudden response, a little gasp of surprise slipped from her lips and her thighs tried to close, but by the casual tap of his hand, she opened them back up. 

“Good girl,” he whispered, in a trance, studying the temptation of what was before him. How she’d clench every time he’d wipe it over her; slow, teasing, torturous, and all on purpose. It was the look of enjoyment on his face every time it ran over her painfully swollen clit and she’d have to hold back her needy whimpers. “I wish you wouldn’t hold back,” he commented, eyes fluttering up at her as he did it again. Her rose tinted lips parting, a song of gasps and moans trailing out as her hips arched and pushed forward with a mind of their own. But he dropped the rag and grabbed the cream and brush. “Have to make you smooth for me.”

His hand pushed down on her stomach. “You move too much.” That’s when he laughed to himself as he stirred the brush in the cream and lathered some over her pubic area. “Hate for you to move and cut you-”

“You wouldn’t!” she asked, eyes widening.

Without looking at her, focusing on lathering her until her whole pubic area was covered in white cream, he grinned wider. “Hmmm, that’d be a whole other kink, now wouldn’t it?”  That’s when her eyes watched the razor carefully. “But I wouldn’t cut you here…so sensitive and soft. Maybe on your thighs-I’m joking!” He smacked her thigh as she tried to close her legs and her body tensed. “Jesus fuck! You’re going to make a mess. It’s too soon to be making messes.” 

When she finally forced herself to ease, he trusted himself enough to glide the razor down and soft, easy strokes. “See? Wasn’t so bad…and look, pretty smooth skin.” His finger glided over the patch before grabbing the razor again. After every stroke of the blade, he’d comment how pretty she was going to look for him. How she was going to look like a good girl. He was so careful, so meticulous in his technique, careful not to knick or hurt her. “And you are being so good, so well behaved for me,” he said in a whisper, hot breath tickling her desperate folds. It was humiliating how close he was down there, observing and studying every little bit as he worked his razor. In a slow, low voice in thought, he said, “and it will feel so good when I’m done and my tongue is tasting my pretty artwork.” 

He spread her lips, shaving the inner most part and working outwards until he got every single hair he could before taking the rag. It was completely cold at that point, sending chills through her body. Michael wiped away the remaining residue of the shaving cream and took a different rag to clean her properly. The air felt so much cooler down there as her bare cunt lay exposed for him. After cleaning the surrounding area, he got comfortable, kneeling before. His middle finger lightly felt down the folds of her pussy, enjoying her little mewed whimper that she so desperately attempted to hide. Her wetness glistened off his finger, and looked at her with a taunting expression. “You’re very excited, aren’t you?”

She swallowed, trying to sink deeper into the mattress.

“Hmm? Maybe I should give you a little expectation…see how much of a good girl you really are.” At that, he spread her cunt with his ring and index finger as his middle finger pressed down on her clit. As she cried out in a long whine, he laughed at her, giving her an obnoxious-fake shock expression; mouth gaped, eyes wide. “Oh, no, no, no, what’s wrong? Hm? Don’t like when I show you how much of a little slut you are? It’s alright, sweetheart, all good girls like this.” The end of his word trail turned into a whisper of thought as he rubbed circles. “So swollen and puffy, I bet it’s throbbing right now…maybe hurts a little, pulsing and tingling.” He mocked her with a trail of ooooh and aaahs, laughing at her pure agony at his teasing. 

“M-michael,” she stuttered out, thighs straining as she kept her arch, signaling all she wasn’t was him to stop the torture. Her fingers tangled in the sheets and she closed her eyes, trying to get the most she could of his touches because they weren’t going to last nearly as long as they needed for her to cum.

He gave her pathetic sympathy, whispering, “shhh, I know, I know, baby girl. It’ll be okay, though. You’ll survive. You may look like a dumb little bimbo slut by the end, but you’ll live.” He snorted to himself as he watched her pussy twitch at his verbal degradation. “Pathetic…let me check if you've been a good girl in here…See if you’re still tight for me.” With that, his fingers dragged down her lips and he poked his middle finger through, awarding himself a little mmmm. The corner of his lip pulled up, and he shook his head. “Ease up.” She pushed forward, feeling his finger curl up in her, inspecting her walls. He hummed, “been a good girl, huh? Good girl.” He slowly pumped in and out, mumbling to himself how she was only allowed two things buried in her cunt; his cock and his fingers. But this wasn’t a finger fuck, it was a good girl inspection. Michael pinched at her lips. “Swollen and puffy just like your clit, and your cunt clenches so perfectly. I wonder how it’d take my cock-no, no. It’s too early to squirm like that, love.” He removed his finger, and while looking at her, he sucked off the wetness.

[zaineviu]

❛𝘔𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘴❜ - B.C (SKZ)

synopsis. Bang Chan likes to keep his girlfriend satisfied. You like to keep your boyfriend satisfied.

pairings. bangchan x fem!reader.

content. nsfw!, established relationship, chan is very vocal in this, you are very vocal, rough handling, hair pulling, oral sex (f receiving), spanking, rough sex, unprotected sex, overstimulation.

wc. 2,562

a/n. Nothing to say, enjoy! ໒꒰ྀི⸝⸝•᷅ࡇ•᷄⸝⸝꒱ྀི১ 

Don't forget to comment, so I know you like what I write and encourage me to keep writing.

Chris was the first person Y/N called when you returned home to Australia. You hadn't been there often, hadn't stayed more than a couple of days at a time, but you had to get away. You sat in the garage for a few minutes, taking deep breaths as you waited for Chris to answer the phone. Predictably, he didn't, not that you was surprised, except, well, you was, because as much as Chris hated talking on his mobile phone, he always answered for you.

You pouted, shoving your mobile phone in your pocket before getting out of your car and going inside. You didn't bother bringing your bag, you didn't need it for anything anyway; you just wanted to get under the covers, find a way to talk yourself out of crying and sleep for about four days. You kicked off your shoes when you walked into his room, turned on the light and....

“Jesus, baby, turn that damn thing off.”

You turned off the light without a second thought, but then hesitated, “Chris?”

Chris groaned as you turned the light back on and forced himself to sit up, the soft cotton sheets falling from his bare shoulders. 

“What time is it?”

“It's half past one,” you said quietly, pulling your hat off your head and placing it on the dresser to your left. “I thought you were in Korea-”

“I'm back early,” Chris shrugged. “Turn off the light, will you? And get into bed.”

Wordlessly, you nodded and turned off the light again; you took off your sweatshirt and the long sleeved blouse you were wearing, staying in your jeans, before crawling into his bed next to a very naked Chris. 

He snuggled against you automatically, letting out a shaky little sigh as his arms wrapped around you.

Chris pushed his nose against the side of your neck, pulling you closer to his side until he was half-crossed over your chest. “How was the airport?” you asked softly, feeling Chris tense under your arm, though you knew what the answer would be before the words left his lips.

Chris shook his head, trying to roll onto his stomach and bury himself against you, the man wanted to disappear from the world, just for a moment. But he couldn't find the words to tell you how bad it was, how his heart rate still hadn't returned to normal, how he still felt like he was struggling to breathe.

His fingertips danced along your spine, resting on your lower back and rubbing in soft, soothing circles. You could feel the hesitant rise and fall of Chris's chest, you could almost feel his heart beating beneath your skin, you pressed your lips to Chris's temple. “Baby-”

“Horrible, it was horrible,” Chris was quick to whisper, putting an arm across your chest, almost crawling over you.

The corners of Chris's lips tilted upwards and he used his knee to push your legs apart, fitting your bodies together a little more comfortably. He ran his hands around your waist, squeezing your hips.

“I still feel like I can't breathe,” he admitted, pressing his lips to the centre of your chest.

Chris slid his fingers into your hair, twisting them in his long fingers, and gently pulled your head back, noticing the pout on your lips. He scratched your scalp for a moment, saw the way your eyes closed, how your lips curved upward just a little. “Do you want to take your trousers off for me?”

You nodded slowly, but made no effort to move.

With a quiet laugh, Chris rolled you both over until he was snuggled between your legs, and sat up, reaching for the hem of your trousers. Your hips lifted easily off the mattress, allowing Chris to pull the fabric down your legs, tossing it carelessly aside. Chris ran his hands up the inside of your thighs, massaging your skin, and watched as your body slowly relaxed, sinking back into the mattress, your lips parted. “Yes?”

“Chris,” you whispered, moving closer to him.

Chris leaned over you, resting his forearms against the mattress and pressed his lips to your lips, licking your mouth until your body arched over the mattress, your thighs hugging his hips. Chris leaned back with a smile, bending down and tenderly kissing your wet pussy, your folds moistening rapidly, Chris left his place reaching for you again, moving his hand up your thigh until his fingers touched the dampness of your underwear, pressing his index finger into the edge.

You groaned noisily, sliding your hands down Chris's shoulders to grab onto him, trying to pull him in. “Come on, I-”

“Patience,” Chris said softly, smiling before pressing his lips against Y/N's quickly.

“You know I'm not patient,” you pouted, leaning down to brush your lips along Chris's chest, licking and sucking as the older man reached for the bedside table, pulling out a strip of condoms in case of emergency.You moaned against his chest, biting into the skin before Chris leaned back, red spots turning a dark purple after a while.

“Do you feel like you can breathe now?” you asked, your voice soft, because your number one priority had always been, and always would be, Chris. 

Chris had been the priority, and Y/N could relate. Chris had always been able to relate to the way Y/N had to escape the crowds at parties sometimes, had to take time out and shut down, because Chris was just like you. And making sure Chris was calm, comfortable and content was the most important thing, no matter what.

Chris took a deep breath, still feeling like he couldn't breathe, but for a completely different and better reason. It was always a little hard to breathe around you; Chris was completely in love, even years later. And he knew what was coming, he could read your mind and he couldn't wait, because it had been so long since you had time alone, it had been so long since you had time to spend together without the other guys and without restrictions and obligations.

Chris knew Y/N better than he knew himself, always had, and he leaned in to kiss you again, quickly, before sliding his lips down the centre of your chest. You took a deep breath, your hands sliding through Chris's hair, twisting the strands and just resting there, not trying to guide or move it in any way, knowing Chris wouldn't let you anyway. Chris brushed over your sensitive nipples with a smile before pressing a hot kiss on top of your damp folds “Well?”

You nodded, your hair falling over your eyes, and not so subtly thrust your hips upwards.

Chris ran his tongue up and down gently, letting his tongue taste your flavour in his mouth, making you moan noisily at the sensation before reaching for your hands, pulling them out of his hair. “Grab your thighs for me, baby,” he told you.

You moaned and let Chris guide his hands to the back of your thighs, lifting your legs, and you let Chris position them however he wanted, your knees bent back, close to your ears, and Chris's warm breath right against your hole. “Chris, I-I need-”

“I know, baby, I'm going to take care of you,” Chris whispered, a promise against your skin. He watched your knuckles turn white, holding your thighs apart as Chris leaned in, pressing his lips against your rim, playing with the tip of his tongue. He could hear your sharp inhale morph into a loud moan as Chris pointed his tongue, licking him in earnest, fingers resting on the back of Y/N's quivering thighs.

His hands burying themselves in your skin, his veins marking his arms, his fingers turning white.

You could feel your hips trying to rock down, slowly at first, just a little, and then more as you felt Chris's fingers against your rim, thrusting inside you. You gasped as you felt the tickle of Chris's jaw on the back of your thighs, you knew you would be sore for days from the way Chris dragged his lower lip all over your pussy sucking and biting at the sensitive skin. Your hands slid from your thighs to your boyfriend's hair, tugging at his loose locks, and Chris pulled away, licking his lips and shaking his head, all your juices sliding down his chin, not something you could see; your eyes were shut tight, your lips bitten and red, and your cheeks flushed.

Chris reached out and touched your wrist, causing you to immediately reach for your thighs again. ‘Good girl,’ your boyfriend said with a smile before he leaned down to lick your pussy before he started to move his fingers around your clit.

“Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, please,” you pleaded, not caring much about how loud you were being, arching your back.

Chris pulled off with a wet sound and reached for the strip of condoms, opening one and putting it on in a matter of seconds. “Come on, get on top, baby,” he said, rolling onto his back and pulling you on top of him.

You moaned helplessly, pouting prettily as you adjusted your limbs until you were sitting astride Chris's slim waist. You rested your hands on your boyfriend's chest as you felt his fingers press against your sensitive nipples, moulding your breasts in his hands. You stifled a gasp as Chris pushed that little bundle of nerves relentlessly against his cock, thrusting his hips against you, your hair falling over your face. “I'm-”

“Not yet, you're not,” Chris told him with a little laugh, sliding his fingers down and reaching for Y/N's hips.

Your body was so docile and pliable, letting Chris do whatever he wanted, and you snorted as the head of Chris's cock slid against your hole, between your cheeks, and pushed his hips back, trying to take more. “Chris, I-”

“Come on, sit on it, baby,” he instructed, his voice a little rougher than normal.

You bit your bottom lip as you reached behind, grabbing Chris's cock and pressing it against your hole. 

He moaned as you teased him for a minute, the head sliding in and then out, staining the backs of his thighs with cum, before slowly sinking down over his length. “Fuck.”

Chris exhaled slowly, pressing his fingertips against your thighs, bruising the skin right next to the bruises that were just forming. He registered your small gasp as he rocked his hips down, planting a hand on Chris's chest for balance. Chris slid his fingers down your thighs and across your hips, his thumb pressing between the sharp line of your hips.

You jerked your hips, rocking a little, feeling Chris slide a little deeper, felt him push against that little bundle of nerves, and let out a shuddering sigh. You felt your boyfriend's fingers press against your hips again, and you rocked down again, desperate to make Chris feel as undone as you felt.  You forced your eyes open, watching Chris as he wiggled his hips downwards, and pouted as the older man looked up at you with a grin and rosy cheeks, and it wasn't fair that Chris seemed so calm when you felt like crying from so much stimulation. You were going to explode. “Chris,” you moaned, pressing your hands on his shoulders, “I'm going to-”

Chris shook his head, planted his feet on the mattress and thrust his hips up once, fucking you and cutting off whatever you were going to say. “You're not going to cum until I do, okay?”

“I-”

“Ride me, baby, come on,” Chris urged, fucking you again.

You nodded blankly and lifted your hips, letting out a moan of frustration as you felt Chris slip out, and reached up to line him up again, sinking back in with a small sigh of bliss. You paused for a minute, eyes closed as you wiggled your hips, just enjoying the feeling of Chris being so deep inside you, and you were jolted by a hard slap on your ass, which made you moan. “I- Fuck.”

Chris smiled down at you, his fingers rubbing your ass tenderly, feeling your skin heat up. “Like that?” he asked, cheeky, not waiting for you to nod vigorously and gasp a silent yes. Chris did it again, the other cheek, and watched you cry out, closing your eyes tightly, rocking against him a little faster, a little more desperately. 

He had a thought in the back of his head that he should have taken the rings off earlier, he couldn't imagine it felt good with the metal around his fingers, but you didn't seem to mind, torn between pushing back into Chris's hand on your ass. Chris ran his hand over your soft skin, this time advancing to your clitoris, moving his fingers without putting pressure, just stroking, and you cum with a gasp.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” you rushed out, gasping as your body shook with your orgasm.

Chris grabbed your hips and easily flipped you over, pinning you to the mattress and fucking you like a fucking animal. He grabbed the back of your thighs and pushed them up, thrusting deeper, bruising your already bruised pale skin, he couldn't take his eyes off you, the way your hair spread across the pillow and your pretty pink cheeks.

You moaned, sliding a hand down your body, pinching your own nipples. You moaned at the overstimulation, and tried to spread your legs a little wider. “Come on, come inside me,” you gasped.

Chris moaned, feeling his stomach clench, and fucked you faster, chasing his orgasm.

Y/N moaned with Chris, you let him use your body, and he reached up to pull you in, feeling more than a little overwhelmed. “Come on, I want to feel you, I want to feel you cum,” you whispered, knowing Chris was close, you could tell by the way his hips stuttered a little. “I want to feel you inside me for days. Make a mess of me, okay?”

Chris pulled away from you, pulling his cock out of your pussy and tugging at the condom, tossing it somewhere in the room, thrusting inside you just as quickly, moaning noisily as he felt you fully.

“Fuck,” Chris cursed, fucking you and stopping as he cum inside you. He pulled out slowly a minute later, using the pad of his thumb to rub your pussy, catching some of his cum and pushing it back in; he was always amazed at the way you let him do anything to your body, especially after a powerful orgasm when he had no energy to even try to stop it.

Your fingers ran along Chris's wrist before sliding a finger inside yourself, next to Chris's thumb. “Fuck,” you whispered, touching yourself for a minute with a sleepy, satisfied smile, before pulling Chris closer to kiss him. “Let's go to sleep, shall we? Then you can fuck me again when we wake up.”

Chris chuckled, smoothing your hair back and away from your sweaty forehead. “Are you okay?” you asked softly, brushing your knuckles over the soft skin of your boyfriend's cheek.

He nodded, wrapping his arms around your waist, snuggling you against him “Yes,” he said softly. “I'm better now because of you.”

[rhiannonsknife]

something something adult shauna taking care of reader with the flu… yes i am projecting.

maybe she comes over for a spontaneous hookup while jeff is staying late at work, then finds reader shuddering and curled up on the couch. and she can’t help herself and immediately jumps into action to take care of us. making warm tea, getting us settled under a cozy blanket, wiping away tears when the emotions get too much.

i am just very very sick right now and feeling sorry for myself. i need her to come here and make me feel better. :(

- 🦔

nooo i hope you feel better soon 🦔 anon!! <3

the plan to meet up had been made earlier: jeff’s staying late, and she wanted to spend her night with you. yet when shauna shows up at your door, she can immediately tell something is going on.

instead of pulling her inside like you normally would, you’re barely holding yourself up against the doorframe, your face pale, hair a mess, and your oversized hoodie doing nothing to hide the shivers racking through your body.

“you’re sick,” shauna states, her gentle smile instantly replaced with a furrowed brow. she steps inside without waiting for an invitation, her hand on your forehead before you can even protest. “jesus, you’re burning up!”

“i’m fine,” you croak weakly, even though you’re clearly not. you’ve been curled up on the couch all day, too weak to do much of anything, and the sight of her -so put together- in your hallway just makes the tears sting a little harder in your already watery eyes.

“yeah, no. not happening.” shauna’s voice is firm but surprisingly gentle as she shrugs off her jacket and tosses it over a chair. “where’s your tea? medicine? anything?” she doesn’t wait for you to answer. instead, she heads to the kitchen, rummaging through cabinets.

not long and she’s back, handing you a steaming mug of tea, her hands brushing yours as she helps you steady it. “drink,” shauna commands softly.

as you drink, she sits beside you on the couch.

“you don’t have to do all this,” you whisper, your voice breaking as you finally let yourself lean into her.

“shh,” she hushes, wrapping a blanket around you. “you’re sick. let me take care of you,”

shauna doesn’t stop moving as she speaks. once you’re settled on the couch, she’s back on her feet, fluffing the pillows behind you. she’s in full caretaker mode now, one you didn’t think she was capable of. she isn’t exactly known for her warmth. and still, she’s here, taking care of you in a way no one else has in a long time.

“i’m not leaving you like this,” she mutters, more to herself than to you, as she disappears into the kitchen again. you hear the clink of dishes, the rush of water running, and before you know it, she’s back with a damp washcloth, crouching in front of you.

“here,” she murmurs, gently pressing the cloth to your forehead. her touch is cool, careful, and you can’t help the way your eyes flutter shut at the relief it brings. “better?”

you nod weakly, and she gives you a small, almost-smile. her eyes linger on your face as she shifts, brushing stray strands of hair away from your damp forehead. the gesture is so tender, so unlike the shauna you’re used to, that it sends a fresh wave of tears spilling over.

“hey, hey,” she says softly, abandoning the washcloth to cup your face in her hands. “what’s this for, huh? you don’t have to cry!”

“i just-“ your voice cracks, and you shake your head. “i hate feeling like this. and you’re being so…nice!”

shauna huffs a quiet laugh. “you’re allowed to feel like shit, you know?” her thumb brushes your cheek, wiping away the tears. “just rest,” she says, her voice low, soothing. “i’ll be here!”

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hello.

My mother had a lover. They decided on a baby. and during the first month of pregnancy they had fights. My biological father didn't like how my mother looked during pregnancy. Then some shitty things and my mother wanted a divorce. He beat her up. The baby (me) was still healthy, surprisingly. Mother decided he didn't want a boy. Because it would remind her of him. And she kinda developed slight fear towards men.

It's about 18-19 weeks of pregnancy, she learned she was having a baby girl. So she kept it. It was a girl or abortion, in her eyes. Because of trauma, I guess.

Then me. I born. I grew up. About 14-15 years later, I learned this story. Realized I was trans at age 17. Wanted to be a boy.

My mother didn't say anything.

But the look in her eyes. I felt hatred, disgust, fear, and disappointment.

She didn't say anything. Continued like nothing happened. I was expecting her to yell or throw me out. She didn't. She drop me to doctor and such, but she didn't comment on anything. She speaks less to me. She still does whatever she used to do, but she doesn't hug. Doesn't touch as much as before. She acts like I am gonna hurt her unintentionally. She still does her best as a mother. Still takes care of me. But not like we used to.

I am just a person that should have been aborted. But been kept for my gender. Now I am not a girl, I feel guilty.

I feel so bad.

I wish I was aborted, or I wish I loved being a girl. Like I was supposed to.

I hate that I can't find it in myself to fault her because she tries.

Jesus...

Okay please know that none of this is on you. You deserve to live as your authentic self.

This is on your mom.

I'm not trying to blame her at ALL for what happened. Domestic violence is awful. I have experienced it firsthand, and it leaves so many scars. But your mother as an adult, and she has a responsibility to you, her child, to not allow her past to affect her relationship with you. She should (1) be going to therapy and (2) NOT be telling you she was considering aborting you (what the FUCK?).

Sure, your mom tries, but you deserve more than halfhearted interest. You deserve love. And if your mom cannot love you like she should, she needs to do something to change that. SHE is the parent. And, as she so callously told you, she chose that.

Also please NEVER feel guilty for being who you are. Again, this is NOT your fault.

Naming you narwhal anon!

[wololo-01]

.

[thelaurenshippen]

911 really is such a good reminder of the particularly kind of joy that is weekly, seasons-long shows with many episodes per season. every character gets a moment to shine even in a truncated season. the satisfaction of seeing characters grapple with stuff that happened YEARS ago. having multi-episode arcs and one-off arcs that are equally enjoyable. beach episodes (metaphorical). I know we're all saying this all the time but why can't more tv be like this

[bitchslapblastoids]

It was more than just romantic. It was more than just romantic. It was more than just romantic.

This is someone that genuinely liked me. This is someone that genuinely liked me. This is someone that genuinely liked me.

I trusted them.

And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe.

[skrunksthatwunk]

actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.

he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.

a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).

but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.

and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.

he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.

and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal

[sunshine-and-her-ikevil-stuff]

Looks like I have to wait a bit longer for Alfons, but that's okay because

IT'S LIAM!!!

And this event is right up my alley!

[ahalliance]

i think the qsmp is very impressive for speedrunning the same love-hate relationship i have with the dsmp in under a year as opposed to the three it took for the other one

[momentomori24]

Long-ass fandom rant because I need to scream into the void to find a reason to live let's gooooo

[For context I wrote most of this last friday which I thought was good to mention so the timeline makes a bit more sense. I really held off on this one XD Welp, let's start this trainwreck.]

Ok, I know I have other long posts I should be paying attention to (*cough* Keiji's shady shenanigans rant *cough*) among other probably more important things, but quickly wanna get this off my chest because it's kinda started to bug me and add even more concerns about the yttd fandom than I already have. This is specifically going to be about soushin-- yeah, yeah, I know-- but also bleed into something more... broad. Or broader. Idk, I'm a Tumblr user not a grammar teacher.

While browsing through Twitter I've been noticing a little spike in popularity for yttd with more fans and soushin shippers emerging as well. Which is cool, the game deserves all the praise and popularity it can get. And as someone whose been here for years, I'm glad that the fandom is slowly and steadily grown more accepting of soushin compared to the attitude around it way back when. There's been some genuinely really cool stuff that really does the ship justice from a lot of talented artist and writers that I absolutely love (will link some later), but something I've also been seeing a lot of from fans is what I can only describe as a "sanitisation resurgence" (but not really. kinda). A week or two ago on Twitter I stumbled across some soushin discourse where some people were sharing the sentiment that "if soushin end up being related and/or have a big age gap the ship is ruined". That they can only be two years apart max or else Nankidai has "fumbled them".

And the only response to that I had is "what". Like, how is that a deal breaker to you lot? How did you even get into the ship without accepting that those things could very likely end up being canon? How are you here and not ready to ship them no matter what's revealed about them after everything we've learned about them? Midori and Shin possibly being related was always on the table, and Midori potentially having already been an adult when Shin was in high school was always a very real possibility ever since we learned that he was never actually a student at his school. This is literally what soushin shippers got harassed by antis for years ago. Soushin is "problematic", and that's why people who shipped them where treated so badly in the fandom or just excluded all together. I can't count how many timed I've come across a "soushin shippers dni" or "soushiners are freaks and I hope you all have a bad day" or soushin fanfics/art with "I DON'T ACTUALLY SHIP IT BTW" and "not a ship" and "actual soushin shippers dni" attached to it. I can't recall how many times I had to explain myself with the "I ship but I don't condone it irl" or explain why I shipped them to not be labelled as a freak as if you need an excuse to ship anything fictional to begin with. I still remember soushin artist @uououoon and how they ended up deleting their Twitter account years ago because of the harassment and slanderous comments they were receiving for ships the fandom deemed problematic. When a person was saying their goodbyes to them on reddit and made some goodbye art (which is now deleted), some assholes in the comments were calling them weirdos and pedophiles for how they explored fiction and "glorified abuse" (which are the usual comments to uououoon's art posted on reddit unfortunately). I only caught wind of this one because back when they were still active in the fandom they were my favourite soushin artist and I went through their stuff almost every day and was tipped off when I randomly couldn't find their account anymore. They were such a nice and incredibly talented person too so the fact they essentially got bullied by a flock of stupid western fans seriously irritates me thinking about it again. This is why we cannot have nice things.

Soushin is "problematic". It's toxic and subtly abusive and important to the characters in question, but that didn't stop people from going after people who wanted to explore a dark, canon relationship (romantic, platonic or otherwise). How the actual hell did we go from "soushin has very toxic and problematic elements and you shouldn't be shipping it, you fucking freaks" to "you can ship it but don't make it actually problematic, you fucking freaks" like what is happening right now???? The worst part is that this is coming from other soushin shippers. The fact that there's actually soushiners with "proshippers dni" or "soushin is not for proship" genuinely makes me want to bite someone. Like, you horrible summer child-- not only are you demonstrating that you don't even know what "proship" actually means, but you're also spitting in the face of the people in our community that have CARRIED this ship for us for years. Why throw them under the bus to be one of the “good ones” in the eyes of antis when they hate us all anyway?

This brings us back to the sanitisation point: I feel like soushin is slowly being "sanitised" to fit the sensitive palette of antis by trying to make them as "morally acceptable" as possible. It's a worry I’ve had for a long time that once the fandom grows more accepting of the ship we'll be seeing more people basically scrubbing soushin of everything that made, well, soushin, to justify enjoying it. I've seen a bit of it already with a few people trying to say it's "not abusive" or just erase Shin's very obvious trauma by Midori all together for quite some time. Guess it's starting to happen on a bigger scale sooner rather than later. Maybe. Personally I don't think soushin having a big age gap or being related would ruin the ship. It just adds another layer of fucked up to their already fucked up relationship (I already hc Midori to be significantly older anyway so maybe I'm just biased). It doesn't really matter. I came here for toxic yaoi. I want nuclear waste level toxicity, not nuclear waste level toxicity presented in the most conventional and moral way possible. What would the point even be? It’s like packaging poison in a grape juice box. Like, it might be harmless to look at and more justifiable to think of as delicious, but it’s still poison. You making it look all cute and innocent isn’t going to change that. It's kinda funny and by that I mean not really that people will talk about wanting more "toxic yaoi" but when the yaoi is actually toxic and messy and horrific they will cry about it being "bad" or "ruined". You don't actually want dark dynamics, you want dark dynamics stripped of everything that makes them uncomfortable and dark so it's digestible to your tastes that don't even align with said dynamics in the first place. The worst part of this whole "soushin isn't proship so it's fine" bullshit is that it relies on trying to make the ship more "morally acceptable" or "legal" than other ships. Dawg, we are talking about abuse. You shouldn't be minimising that to say "well it's not [insert other terrible thing] so it's fine!!" That's not the "gotcha" you think it is. It’s one of the reasons why antis being into soushin made me feel weird cuz like you can’t ship it and then turn around to insult someone else, man (I’ve seen so many soushin defenders bash other “proships” to justify theirs like what are you doing--).

Realistically, the simplest and smartest thing to do when I see someone mischaracterise or butcher my faves is to either block or ignore and pretend to not care so I don't act on my sixth sense telling me to off them and myself. Realistically, this shouldn't be a big deal or anything that important, but this attitude is usually weaponized to harm and harass people who don't conform to their purity crisis over fiction. I'm in the unfortunate position of being not only a Your Turn to Die fandom dweller, but a Hazbin Hotel and The Coffin of Andy and Leyley one too. I'm used to being labelled a rapist and incest apologist irl who's delusional and deserves to be harassed and insulted by virtue of the media or ships I like (probably not a good thing). But people who are more active in these fandoms than me have it much worse as they get this shit directly waaaay more often while I mostly get called these things indirectly, which is what motivated me more to make this post.

So a couple days ago someone made some art of Monika from ddlc, Nikole (don't know the game sorry) and Ashley from Tcoaal. A lot of people on Twitter, unsurprisingly, bashed it for including Ashley to the point where some felt the need to clarify that they like her as a character but her actions (for some reason I do not understand like Monika has also done some seriously evil shit why are you not applying that logic to her too?). What struck me the most is that a yttd fan-- a self proclaimed "Midori enthusiast"-- ALSO quoted it to bash having Ashley in it. A freaking Midori fan. I told them to mind their business and start separating fiction and reality and to stop being a hypocrite, and thus ensued the most hilarious and stupidest convo I've had in a while:

You can literally count the seconds it takes for these guys to start throwing predator accusations and slurs at people. So "not exploring fiction correctly" makes me weird, but harming or putting real people on blast for nothing is free game, apparently. They're not the worst, both in this instance and in general, but it just stuck with me. Which is impressive, cuz I normally don't have much emotions to spare aside from general mild irritation for things like this. Maybe it's the Sonic feet.

But it ties into my issue. Midori's an absolute piece of garbage, yet some people will convince themselves that his actions are in some way justifiable to justify their hatred of something else (that is a lot less severe in this case) rather than love and let love. Tcoaal is not an "incest game" and if you describe it like that unironically you are not ready to be on the internet. No, it doesn't condone or glorify incest-- it literally does the opposite. If you need the characters to look into the camera and say "what we're doing is wrong and immoral" before doing something bad, I think you're the problem at that point. For the same reason you liking Midori (probably) doesn't mean you support human experimentation and torture, someone liking Tcoaal doesn't mean they support incest and someone shipping soushin doesn't mean they support abuse. These things are dark and shouldn't be condoned irl, but this is fiction. We can do whatever the hell we want. Being into darker themes and media doesn't have to reflect your real world views, but the inability to grasp that sentiment leads people to make their interests as moral and sanitised as possible and, feeling morally superior, will go after people who don't do that. This person deadass said that "incest is not morally grey and absolutely unjustifiable" (didn't even say that it wasn't btw) as if their blorbo hasn't committed so many atrocities for kicks that I personally find more unjustifiable. That line implies that they think that everything else Ashley has done and everything Midori has done can be justified because it wasn't incest specifically, which I find is a WILD thing to insinuate XD But it really does encapsulate the hoops antis will jump through to defend their likes while attacking yours despite the fact that it's literally the exact same as theirs. Rule of thumb: if someone accuses you of condoning something immoral because you like it in fiction, apply that logic to them, look at what they like and if their wet little meow meow is the Joker, Eren, Killua, Makima, Midori or whatever other morally bankrupt character you can come up with, take that as a confession and run. Cuz half the time these guys are actually nuts. While quote tweeting someone to shit on their art isn't the worst thing, considering how twitter has treated tcoaal artists the fact that they'd potentially open them up to harassment pissed me off, which is probably evident from my tone.

[Hi hi, this is me from the present right now cuz a more recent development came up so I’m using it as an example here too.]

While most of the things listed here have all been happening online, this attitude can come up in the real world as well.

As OP states, a bunch of hellaverse cosplayers were targetted at a french convention by haters of the show trying to ruin their cosplay. This is already completely unacceptable but the thing I can’t for the life of me get over is torching their costume while they’re still wearing it. Literally attempting to set someone on fire. All over a fucking show. It’s baffling how people can justify actions like this because they think your taste in fiction is so disgusting it’s Ok for them to hurt you. Not just online, but outside as well. It’s not the first time a hellaverse cosplayer has been harassed (last time it was a Valentino cosplayer but then again Val fans get shit from all sides all the time), and while I’m pretty sure these will remain as isolated cases it’s still scary to think about. What’s even more scary to think about how people think that their opinion on hazbin hotel has any relevance to the situation. So many of the comments in that post are just “I hate Hazbin Hotel, but—” or “I hate the fandom, but--” or “I hate Vivzie, but—” and I’m literally here ready to start pouncing like SHUT UP. No buts. That is not in any way important here. You not liking the show or the creator should not be important to the situation of cosplayers being actively harmed. You don’t have to signal your allegiances before showing basic human empathy, goddamnit. And what’s even worse is that some people have just turned this into a “b-but the hazbin fandom!!” issue, which is insulting. For example:

The “Hazbin fans do blackface and disrespect black people daily” is a reference to ONE Alastor cosplayer that nobody had defended. Not even fans. At least no one I can find. Yet they are using this one bad apple to generalise the whole fandom as "bad" and down play the amount of bullshit the hatedom does to fans on a regular. It kinda makes me feel sick that someone would look at a situation like this and spin this into a “fandom thing” rather than focusing on the victims. That they don’t deserve to be taken as seriously just because of the fandom their in. Some lunatic in the comments was literally completely minimising this whole thing saying “some red paint (fake blood capsules) isn’t nearly as bad as lynching and what black people have gone through in America” before calling anyone who called out that that’s completely irrelevant racist for liking Hazbin Hotel like are you kidding me. My homies in Christ, someone almost got lit on fire can everyone please stay on the goddamn topic. This is one of the rare moments where I was kinda proud of twitter as the majority of the comments and quotes where calling out their bullshit, but the amount of likes and some of the comments are still disappointing.

So what points am I trying to make here? This was very spontaneous and rushed so apologies if it feels messy cuz it very much is messy. But my main points boil down to this: Purification, sanitation and the “fiction equals reality” and "your fictional tastes reflect on you morality irl" arguments need to die. They just have to. While petting Shin on a daily basis gives me enough serotonin to find the will to live, the only true solace I will find is when people start being normal. People shouldn’t be getting harassed or labelled as freaks for fiction you don’t like both online and real life. People are not less worthy of basic human decency and empathy solely based on their fictional interests. People should be able to explore fiction however the hell they want without worrying about there being made a call out post on them somewhere. I search Tcoaal on twitter and there’ll always be a bunch of posts with over 10k likes calling all fans annoying weirdos or say it’s an “incest game” even tho it literally isn’t. I will try looking for some Valangel art on tumblr and see some loser use the tag to basically shit on everyone who ships it and lying about the treatment these shippers get while defending Charlastor or just shit on the ship in general. I just exist on the twitter side of the HH fandom chilling with other Val fans and literally every single one of them has either received death/rape threats or told to kill themselves, got ratio’d by a bunch of haters, had a call out post saying not to follow dedicated to them, had their art reposted and Val scribbled out, repeatedly accused of ““romantising a rapist””, or all of the fucking above. Valentino’s VA gets asked if he’s actually like the character he plays in real life or a fan being “relieved that he didn’t abuse them like Valentino” when they met (kudos to Joel for being chill about it btw I would be fuming this fandom does not deserve this man). I type in a certain controversial yttd ship to search and most of the latest posts are just people being rude, saying that if Nankidai makes them canon they’ll drop the game, calling the man himself a freak, calling other shippers freaks, shitting on soushin as well and then having soushiners defend their ship while also shitting on said controversial ship. It genuinely feels like fanbases are circuses and we are the clowns 💀

I could list other examples people being weirdos but I can't do that without breaking the momentum of this post even more than I already have. I guess what I wanted to vent about is how these attitudes regarding fiction and the way people police how others engage with it and how people think of you based on what you like can go from just annoying to downright dangerous more often than you’d think. That belief that you are morally superior to someone else based on the fact that you ship or like things the “legal” and “pure” and “healthy” way (which is never actually the case btw) can lead to you being really disrespectful or a complete asshole and not feeling bad about it at all, which does more harm than good. Which is why I thought it was important to bring up more extreme cases to empathise how this obsessive gatekeeping of fiction can and does hurt real people, who should be more important to you than fictional characters.

All of this is very likely going to sound very aggressive in tone and I want to quickly clarify that this is not meant to be an attack towards anyone in particular. I'm just tired and recalling all this stuff is making my mood sink like a stone lmao. Who knows, maybe I'm just overexaggerating and things won't get worse when the game gets more popular. This is just what I've been witnessing both in and out of my side of the moon. The amount of yttd fans I've seen act like this are a lot tho. No fandom is perfect obviously, and this one is the farthest from it, but with new people coming in and this weird attitude and need to sanitise not only towards soushin, but other "problematic" ships and media as well growing more prominent (mostly on Twitter and Tiktok) my biggest worry is that the hostility in this fandom will just... increase? Roulettefeel made pretty good posts about it-- my favourites being this one, also this one and this one's pretty short and sweet, summarising most of my soushin points a lot better and shorter than my trainwreck of a post so I recommend checking them out. If you like soushin, go check them out. If you don't like soushin, go check them out anyway. They make stuff outside of soushin too. They're pretty cool.

[I also want to add that the whole sanitisation thing in the yttd fandom is nothing new. It’s been a thing for longer than I have been here. I’ve just been seeing it again with soushin, which is was what made me want to do this in the first place. There’s another dynamic the fandom obviously does this for, but uttering it would not only get me flamed but straight up burned at the stake of bad takes so I’m saving that for a rainy day.]

Aaaaannd, I'm done, I think. I didn't have a good conclusion for this in mind. Idk, just be nice? You don't have to like "proships" (or what the fandom has defined as proship cuz that's not the actual definition), but that's what the block buttons for. Don't like, don't read, I say. Fandoms are for everyone and as long as what the person is doing is harmless, let them feel safe being themselves without having to worry about someone coming after them. Real life cops already suck. Let's not bring them into our collective escapism. And something you personally don't like ending up canon doesn't mean the game or ship is "ruined". That doesn't just go for soushin. That goes for other things too. To tie up loose ends, soushin having an age gap or being related has always been on the table and fits with other themes in the narrative. That does not count as "bad" if it makes sense. Soushin is not "Ok to ship" because it's "not an illegal ship" (whatever tf that means) and it's not "bad to ship" because it's "romanticising abuse". It's fine to ship because it's fictional. You don't need a moral justification to ship anything. That goes for all ships. That's why NOTPs exist. And "proship" doesn't and has never meant "shipping problematic pairings". It's a stance on shipping. It means being pro people being allowed to ship whatever they want. That includes being cool with problematic pairings, but is not limited to those. It means not being a fandom cop. Please stop saying otherwise, I cannot keep living this way--

Soooouuu, to end off on a more positive note and finally put this whole thing to bed I'll link some of my fav newer soushin accounts for anyone who's interested:

Hyo (orewagahai on ao3 check that out too): They are an amazing, amazing writer. If you're into dark, abusive co-dependent, complicated soushin with beautiful characterisation I would highly recommend. They just posted another soushin drabble on twitter and it's great.

jinn: They've been putting out banger after banger ever since getting into the game. Their art is absolutely stunning and they upload frequently, so go check 'em out if you can! It's actual medicine for the soul, I promise. They also draw for dead plate, so if you're into that go ahead too.

angel: Also cool. They're soushin art is hilarious and cute. As much of a sucker as I am for toxic, abusive sludge, they give thses two idiots a silliness that I enjoy. Also if you like trans!Shin content they're pretty good.

欣武 (my dumbass forgot to add them the first time sorry): They are INCREDIBLE. Extremely incredible artist. Their art is so, so freaking good. Not checking them out is absolutely your loss, ngl.

Be nice to them. If I catch anyone attempting to annoy them I'm coming after you and your entire family. Let's be better and not chase new comers off this time :3 Thanks for listening to my incoherent venting. This is mostly for me to feel a bit better, but anyone is free to read. If anyone's got an opinion or observation, feel free to offer it. I need coffee. Coffee sounds good.

[alexjcrowley]

The Hobbit or Bilbo Baggins's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Not At All Fun Steppe Vacation

[pardonmydelays]

ok look, i don't normally do that because i just don't ship real people but since everyone is talking about this lately... i just read the forest fic for the first time ever.

[dirtytransmasc]

Alicent, exhausted, being forced to present her son to Viserys, panic in her eyes, hoping he is good enough for her husband:

[paperfen]

Spoilers for BNHA chapter 423; you know where this is going.

SHIGARAKI KINNIES HOW WE FEELING TONIGHT???? CAUSE I AM NOT FEELING GOOD!!!! in all seriousness, I could barely finish this sketch because I was crying so hard. Horikoshi when I catch you istg. I'm not even gonna entertain the idea that he's still alive somehow until that's confirmed because I refuse to give myself false hope. But this is not how I wanted this to end. Shigaraki deserves to have the life that was literally stolen away from him from day fucking 1. Yes, killing AFO was cathartic as HELL, and seeing kurogiri/shirakumo reach out to save his son absolutely broke me, but what happens to all of the build-up with Shigaraki's story? the rest of the league's trauma, the issues they genuinely faced within this hero society? where is all that going? down the drain ig. seems like such a fuckin waste of a story but alright. this could have been about deku becoming the greatest hero by saving and reforming the villains who were abused and tortured but ALRIGHT. also, a two page send off? be fr what the fuck. Rest easy, king. You deserved so much better. Or come back to us because that'll turn this car around so fast we might hit mach speed.

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍