#jesus christ on a motorbike

[or-we-could-take-a-walk-together]

remus: fuck pure bloods!

sirius: please do.

[laismoura-art]

GUYS NOOOOO!

[ourtubahero-blog]

I’m having some feelings right now.

[bigtop-skies]

Homicide is a such top tier word

[moonlit-trolls]

I fucking hate playing baldurs gate with this person

[nootqueen404]

𝐧𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐛𝐨𝐫!𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐧 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

(𝐫.𝐛. 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

neighbor!robin x fem!reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: living next to robin buckley...heaven on earth

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1673

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 18+ mature content! (MDNI), implied age gap (reader is 18+!!) , fingering, oral, strap on, pet names, praise kink, fingering, oral, use of petnames, very brief mention of mommy kink, no beta read (let me know if i missed anything <3)

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: this is heavily inspired by @lightvixxen ‘s concept! definitely check out their page for more neighbor!robin x reader content! <3 the ending is a bit rushed so i’m extremely tempted to write a part 2…

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

you thought you had it all figured out: great job, nice house…a good life.

that is until your new neighbor moves in next door: robin buckley.

the first time you ever see her is when she’s carrying heavy boxes into her new house.

she’s wearing a muscle shirt and loose pants.

you can see the muscles on her arm flexing as she’s picking up multiple heavy-looking boxes at once.

she lets out somewhat of a grunt as she lifts them up.

that catches your attention. you can’t help but watch from your lawn, biting your lip as your eyes wander over her athletic figure.

you didn’t even think it was possible to feel this kind of attraction towards women. you aren’t supposed to feel this way. not for women and especially not for your new, older neighbor.

of course it doesn’t take long until robin notices you too.

you sure are an eye-catcher; wearing short dresses as you’re reading books in your garden, spreading your legs wider when you feel robin’s gaze upon you.

it does take some time for you to fully understand what you’re doing or why you’re doing it…

....why you like the way she eyes your body, why you like to have her attention on you.

but there’s definitely something between the two of you…a cat and mouse game if you will.

your clothes get shorter, the looks linger for longer, robin spends more and more time in her garden to do god knows what.

all you know is that she looks good doing it.

doing work in her garden, mowing her lawn in nothing but a pair of shorts in a sports bra, her skin glistening sweaty under the hot sun.

in return for all the hard work she’s doing all day, you leave the curtains open when you change at night.

allowing her to see you getting undressed.

and you don’t stop there.

because that night is also the first night you and robin take it further than just longing stares across the fence…

your eyes never leave hers as you drop onto the bed and spread your legs for her, arching your back at the very first contact your fingers make with your throbbing entrance.

and that night is just the beginning.

because when you get back from grocery shopping the next day, robin is already waiting for you.

"that looks heavy. let me help you"

just like that, she's inside of your house, carrying your groceries for you.

you don't even have enough time to put them in their place, before robin has you pressed up against your kitchen counter...

kicking your legs apart as she's kissing your neck harshly

"you love teasing me don't you? think you can just fuck yourself with your curtains open? and you enjoyed every second of it too didn`t you? such a dirty girl...such a fucking slut"

you don't understand how her words could have such an impact on you.

but your legs shake and you feel yourself clenching around nothing

and, oh her raspy voice is making this so much worse

"you want me this bad, don't you? so desperate for me..." and she fucking chuckles right at your face.

and before you can help it, her touch is gone and she's stepping out of your space.

"maybe another time pretty girl"

and with that she's gone, leaving you dripping wet and needy for her.

after that first little incident, there is nothing holding you back anymore.

you would walk through your room topless, knowing robin is watching you from her window. you would go out without panties underneath, bending over for robin to see while she's outside. moaning her name through the night, knowing damn well your window is open only for her to hear.

one night you're being particularly loud when you see a shadow outside your window.

you immediately stop when you notice robin's presence.

you are all naked, spread out on your bed with your neighbor towering over you.

"w-what are you- you can't be here" you stutter.

"oh, but you were calling for me weren't you...?"

but all robin is really here for is to finally break that damn circle of constant teasing.

she would never admit it but she wants you just as bad

"now don't stop just because I'm here...you wanted this, didn't you?"

she sits down on the edge of your bed, the mattress bouncing under the extra weight of hers.

and when you can't help but nod, a desperate whine coming from your lips, she gestures for you to continue.

oh but it doesn't end when your first orgasm rushes through you.

"i don't remember telling you to stop"

and just like that, robin coaxes some of the best orgasms out of you, without even touching you herself.

but when she finally, finally touches you...it's literal heaven on earth.

it happens at one of your parents' annual bbq gatherings. they tend to invite the whole neighborhood and so -obviously- robin is gonna be there.

so of course you pick out a tiny little dress to wear.

when robin first see you approaching, she really can't help it but stare at the way the material looks on you, tightly clinging to your body in all the right ways.

but when you lean it close and whisper into her ear, that is when she loses it.

"i'm not wearing any panties. i thought you would like to know"

you knew you would get a reaction out of her, but little did you know what kind of reaction...

not even 2 minutes later, you're laying on your bed and robin is straddling your hips and pushing that pretty little dress up your legs

you don't miss the way her eyes go just a tiny bit wider when she feels the wetness that has pooled between your legs.

"this really turns you on huh? acting all innocent out there while you aren't wearing anything underneath that pretty dress of yours..."

before you have the chance to tell her how this is exactly what you've wanted ever since she moved in, robin flicks her fingers over your clit and your mind goes blank.

shortly after that, two of her fingers are buried knuckle-deep inside of you and she's fucking you exactly the way you've always imagined

neighbor!robin definitely has a mommy kink, like 100%!!

her fingers have the ability to make you see stars already but her mouth...

(besides the fact that she can easily multitask and whisper the filthiest things in your ear, all while fingering you through multiple orgasms)

she is a pro when it comes to going down on you

she could literally eat you out for hours, praising your pussy as she does so.

"oh, you taste so good. all for me"

robin is so fucking possessive over you and you love it

she will use every opportunity she can get to remind you that she's the only one who could ever make you feel this good

"all of this just for me doll? yeah? all mine, only mine"

robin loves to tease you, to remind you that you're practically her little fuck toy.

so it doesn't even surprise you to feel her palm on your thigh when she's visiting your place to have dinner with you.

but when dinner is over and robin explains that she's gonna need you to show her where the bathroom is, it's even worse.

suddenly you're shoved against the wall and robin's fingers are pounding into you while she's standing behind you, holding you against the door by your hair.

"be quiet or they might hear what a slut they've raised"

you love it when robin takes you with her strap.

the first time it happens, you're at her place and she makes you ride it for her while she's holding back your hair in somewhat of a makeshift ponytail.

but she's such a tease and won't move her hips the way you want her to, leaving you without any other choice but to grind down on it.

her hand on your hipbone keeps you still, restricting any further movement.

and she wouldn’t stop, not until you’re a squirming, begging mess for her.

begging her to finally fuck you the way you need her to.

“what do you want pretty girl? want me to fuck you? then say it baby. use your manners…”

you’re far too desperate to be embarrassed about the obscene noises that come from your lips.

however, it’s all worth it when robin begins rolling her hips up to meet your skin.

oh, how robin loves to watch your face whenever she hits that spot that makes you whimper im pleasure.

if she could, she would watch you cum on her strap for hours.

speaking of fucking you with her strap; neither of you will ever forget the time she took you in front of her full length mirror

her hand is yanking you back by the hair, while she’s pounding into you from behind.

“open your eyes doll, look at yourself. oh you can’t? am i fucking you this good?”

robin loves your tits. she’s literally obsessed. she will use any chance she can get to put them in her mouth. any other time she will just stare at them, especially at inconvenient times.

you are about to go out with friends and guess what? robin is watching from her window, eyes focused on your chest.

you are having dinner together? her gaze keeps wandering lower and lower until she’s just shamelessly gaping at your breasts.

robin loves to mock you while she’s inside you.

she knows damn well she has the ability to make you forget your own name with how good she fucks you.

so whenever you start babbling sweet nothings, she will make fun of you.

“oh you liked that…? when i touch you there?”

and as if that’s not enough, she chuckles in your ear.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

comments & reblogs are always appreciated 🫶🏼

[milesdahmed]

[marauderingpaige]

Okay, but if I don’t see Jesus Christ on a motorbike in season three I think I might cry.

[rpfofficial]

the one day i go out without my headphones and suddenly everyone wants to run me over!!!!!!!!! this is why you should never leave your house without phil ochs

[littlekidsteve]

JESUS PEACE WHY IS HE SO FREAKING FIT FOR THERE LITERALLY NO NEED FOR IT 😍😍😍😍😍

DILF Peter is the best version of Peter.

Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #10

[junespriince]

Wally, fresh out of the speed force: you know what I can't wait to see Damian, he's in his teens now?

Dick: yep, dami, come here.

Damian 'mfing 6'7' Grayson: yes dad?

Wally: Jesus Christ Almighty, the hell you feeding this future goalie for the Gotham City devils!? He was so tiny, 5'2, 4 apples tall little ankle bitter now he's a giant, out here about to be tall as an Amazonians women.

Dick: he's just a my little man, my sweet lil baby!

Wally: Dick, I say this kindly, that is a whole ass brick wall you made sentient, how old is he.

Dick: almost 18.

Wally: Jesus Christ on a motorbike, he has one more growth spurt, he's gonna BE as tall as an Amazonian woman. I'm going to go lay down now...

[catiuskaa]

had to make sure you’d catch it.

SUMMARY: no one expected jeongin to be the first to marry in the group, but furthermore, no one expected minho to be the one to ask you first, and certainly not like that.

REQUESTED! by a pookie anonnie right here. fluff!!! minho!!! yess!!! we love to see it. tysm for this, hope you like it as much as I did! <3

CW: use of sarcasm (because yes?), use of very stupid humour (because it makes everything better), one (1) mention if hyunlix (just for funsies) the one and only beyoncé is mentioned once (yes this is a warning because it’s a silly joke but it’ll make sense i promise) and welp, WEDDINGS MENTIONED 🗣️🗣️🗣️ WTF IS A COMMITMENT 👹👹👹/jkjk

WC: 2.1k

A/N: can someone tell jypapi that now I need more of Lee Know in suit and tie? thanks ^^

[☆◽️💐◽️☆]

Weddings.

Ah, yes.

That motherfucker.

It’s not like you had anything against the people that were marrying each other —God, no! Good for them!—, but rather how seeing husband and wife looking flawless and so in love made you feel.

Lonely.

As fuck.

But it all changed when you went to a wedding with a plus one for the first time. Well, he had been invited to a wedding, and you happened to be around and free.

It had been not too soon before you two started dating, but a small part of your brain knew that if you hadn’t seen Lee Minho in that gorgeous tuxedo that evening, or maybe before, when he blushed as he asked if you were free, then perhaps your choices would’ve been different —which was a blatant lie, because you were and still are head over heels for him, but we’ll keep it for comedian purposes—, because damn did that man look good in a suit.

It was when you entered the venue with him by your side, the flutters of going with your friend and crush to a wedding, of all places… the flowers, the setting, and, oh, the couple.

Everything was beautiful. It almost made you feel like you were the main character, the bride, despite the obvious knowledge that it could only be that gorgeous woman dressed in white, unlike you, in a short and fitted dress in a dark blue hue, matching your companion’s tie.

“I never would’ve thought you liked weddings so much.” Minho whispered in a soft snicker, as teasing as always, eyes fixated in the way you seemed to glow.

But you two were sat next to each other as the officiant spoke, and he was leaning close to you, his lips right by the shell of your ear, and Jesus Christ in motorbike, because he looked outstanding, and oh my god, because his hand was resting on your leg, warming up your body, that was also covered by his suit jacket because poor you had underestimated how cold a church could be, even in the end of summer.

‘Liked’ weddings? You would have cackled loudly if the setting had been more appropriate. If it meant that Minho would treat you like that every single day, you’d fucking marry one.

But instead, you chuckled softly, laying your hand on his, the one that still rested right above your knee, and you leaned too, silently reeling in the smell of his cologne.

“Never thought you’d take me to one.”

And it was not like you were going to know too soon, but to Minho, in that moment, time seemed to freeze as he stared at your features.

You smiled at him, and it had been like always, but to him, it was the most gorgeous smile he had ever had the pleasure to see, let alone cause, and it made his heart feel tight on his chest, a blush that ran to his cheeks and ears, as red-tinted as your lips, so sweet-looking that Minho had to hold back not to kiss you, keeping him from checking if they’d taste just like how they looked.

He didn’t just want to take you to weddings.

And with that thought in mind, months later, after several dates going coffe shop to coffe shop, falling in love with you, with the soft and soothing tone you spoke to his pets and how beautiful you looked like in his house, happily petting Soonie, he knew then and there that his house wasn’t his home anymore.

You were.

And he kissed you tenderly that night, struggling to find a way to express these feelings with words.

So it made both of you feel very giddy when years later, another wedding showed up.

“You’ve gotta be fucking with me.” He had mumbled, reading the mail as he entered back home. “Jagi, I’m home!” He stated loudly, the cats meowing him welcome.

You came from your study room, leaving an email half written to welcome him back for the day. He handed you the mail, but not before pecking your forehead.

“What’s going on?” You smiled softly in slight confussion, to which he grinned at you, head tilted to the first letter in the bunch.

You stared at it, your eyes turning wide, and read the sentence a couple times.

“There’s no way.” You covered your mouth, laughing in disbelief. “Our little Innie is getting married?”

“I think I lost a bet to Hyunjin.” Minho chuckled.

“Have you called him?” You smiled, excited, cheerfully going back to your study to pick your phone.

“I just saw that idiot back in JYP, he didn’t even tell us!”

Two months. Yang Jeongin, little baby bread, was marrying his now fiancé in two fucking months.

Minho couldn’t believe it, nor could you.

And then, as soon as autumn started to arrive, the first leaves turning different tones of red and yellow, falling to the ground.

Then, the wedding date came by.

[☆◽️💐◽️☆]

You embraced Jeongin’s wife in a tight hug.

“How does it feel?” You mumbled giddily, feeling Minho’s arm go back to your waist as soon as you let go of the beautiful woman dressed in white.

He’d been extra clingy the whole venue, and you had loved and cherished every moment of it. You both knew what that first wedding had meant for the other, all those years ago. It made your tummy fill with butterflies, ones that had been there ever since Minho swooshed your way.

The bride grinned happily, trying hard not to cry so she wouldn’t ruin her makeup.

“It’s like a dream I’m about to wake up from.” She snickered, cheeks covered in a pink hue that couldn’t be hidden with the light foundation she was wearing. “But you’ll get it quite soon, right?” She muttered with a smile, as if in confidence, like sharing a secret you were supposed to know.

“Ah?” But you were clueless.

Before realizing she could’ve fucked up a major canon event, his husband called her from affar, busy dealing with all the guests and the photographer, a tall man with little to no patience and lots of angry italian gestures.

“C’mon, quick.” Minho grinned next to you. “Let’s get to the chocolate fountain before someone eats all the strawberries.”

You two chuckled, sprinting towards the large set of tables and the main table, filled with different types of fruits and cheeses.

“Mmhhm!” You hummed, the warm chocolate melting on your mouth, mixing with the sweetness of the strawberry. “We really need one of these back at home.”

You two giggled and ate a couple more strawberries.

“You have chocolate in your mouth.” Minho mumbled.

You turned to face him, and he snickered, his hand traveling to your face and kissing the corner of your lip, cleaning it.

The chocolate tasted better like that anyways.

You felt your face flush, and you tutted at him playfully.

“You can look, not touch,” you mumbled with a toothy grin. “I spent so much time pissing off the makeup artists back at their place, I can’t have you ruin my lipstick, sir.” You chuckled teasingly.

“I can’t?” Minho raised his eyebrows, and you felt small under his stare, like a little prey. “Really?”

You blushed, pouting. “Minho, not fair.”

He laughed loudly at you, and then back hugged you.

“We should move before they realize we ate half of the strawberries.” He mumbled next to your ear, and cheekily nibbled on it for a second.

You giggled at his antics, and went back to where everyone was settled, joining and taking a couple of pictures with the group.

Your smile widened looking at them, groom and bride, who casually rambled about something you couldn’t hear.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Your boyfriend grinned curiously next to you.

You looked at him, your heart fluttered.

Weddings didn’t feel lonely anymore.

“They look so cute together.” You sighed. “So beautiful.”

Minho sighed too, his arm swiftly going back to your shoulders.

“Very.” He muttered softly. He wasn’t talking about the couple.

Laughter and conversations filled the air as guests, dressed in their finest, mingled beneath the gentle glow of twinkling lights.

“It’s time for the bouquet throw!” A loud voice announced.

You looked at Minho and winked teasingly.

“Hold my purse.” You smirked in between giggles. “This one’s mine.” He blushed at your determination.

It wasn’t that you had forgotten what catching the bouquet meant, rather just casually left that thought at the back of your mind.

Minho almost shivered, barely cathing your bag.

Marrying you?

Something felt heavier on the pocket of his jacket.

You settled in the group of women that stood a couple of feet away from the bride, who was laughing and pointing at someone in the midst of the girls.

“Good luck, ladies!” A low voice made you cackle loudly.

“Good luck, Felix!” You chuckled. “Good one, Hyune!” You sent a thumbs up to Hyunjin, and he laughed, blushing.

With excitement bubbling in the air, the moment arrived slowly, almost painfully so. A hush fell over the gathered guests, their eager eyes fixed on the radiant bride. She held the bouquet, a bundle of beautiful daisies, like a symbol of wishes waiting to be granted. With a grin, she turned around, and a playful spark lit up her eyes.

Full of anticipation, she raised the bouquet high above her head. Time seemed to pause for an instant, and then, with a joyful toss, she…

She… stopped?

You didn’t have time to frown in confusion when she turned around again.

The guests that had been crowded around you moved away, and the bride giddily walked towards you.

She squealed. “This is so cute. Here, girl. It’s yours.”

And she handed you the bouquet.

You blabered confused sounds of vowels, not quite understanding what was happening yet.

Gasps and other surprised reactions filled the venue, and you looked around, wondering what was all the fuss about.

“Sorry to ruin the fun, jagi.” A known voice sounded tenderly behind you, and then he giggled. “I had to make sure you’d catch it.”

With your eyes wide and your features displaying a soft grin of surprise, you turned around to face him.

“I fell in love with you in a wedding.” He started. “Not really, considering I had been pinning for you long before, which Felix never hesitated to say how down bad I was for you and how blind I was for not addmitting it.”

Your eyes swelled with tears, your hands covering your mouth. “M-Minho…”

He sniffed, holding back his own, a blush deep on his face.

“I fell in love with you over and over again, in every date we went to and every time you came by my appartment to say hi to the cats, claiming that you felt like they missed you, when it was most likely me who did.” He stared at his hands, fidgeting with them, his palms feeling sweaty.

He raised his head then, and stared deeply into your eyes. He chuckled, falling in love with you once more.

“I have a feeling that, over the course of our lives together, I will fall in love with you as many times as there are stars in the sky.” Minho smiled tearfully, a lump on his throat. “Over and over again.”

You started laughing as tears fell down your cheeks. He bent down on one knee, and your pulse faltered for a moment.

“Will you marry me?”

Because in your first wedding together, he did’t just want to take you to weddings and see other people getting married.

He wanted to marry you.

“Minho, I-” you sobbed, smiling. “Yes! Please!” You chuckled.

He hugged you tightly, and of course, just to make sure you knew who you were getting married to, he teased you.

“Like the one and only godess, Beyoncé, said once,” he mumbled in your ear, “if you like it and you’re sure, put a ring on it.”

“Minho!” You squirmed in between chuckles. “That’s not how the lyrics go!”

He shrugged. “English is hard,” he giggled. You laughed too, pulling him into a kiss.

You sure loved an idiot. But it was your idiot fiancé, soon to be your idiot husband.

Yours only.

[☆◽️💐◽️☆]

~Kats, who hasn’t been in a wedding since 2018, and i think it kinda shows lol

[dreamescapeswriting]

Under the Starlit City ~ SCB

⤜ WORD COUNT: 2.9K

⤜PAIRING: Changbin x Fem!Reader

⤜ GENRE: established relationships, a comforting fic, reader having a stressful time so Changbin takes her for a nighttime drive, soft, fluffy, cute! Romantic, kisses and “love you’s”

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - July 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

It'd been a long ass week for Changbin and he'd been desperate to see you when it was finally over. So desperate in fact that as soon as he left work that night he rushed home to his place to grab everything he knew he was going to need that night. Life had been kicking you both down as of late and he knew just the thing that was going to put a smile on both of your faces if he could find your helmet that was. 

The two of you used to go on motorbike rides all of the time before life got in the way and you were both too busy to even so much as glance at one another from your spots on the sofa but tonight was different.

Tonight, Changbin was going to make you feel relaxed and unwind from everything that had been stressing you out as of late. You worked two jobs and barely got to see him but he knew you had tomorrow off which meant tonight was his only shot of wooing you before you were once again off your feet busy.

"Where the fuck is it?" He grumbled, shuffling through the many boxes in his garage that he'd yet to unpack from the move he'd made to his much bigger home. As he reached up onto one of the taller shelves he kicked one on the floor, knocking over and spilling the contents onto the ground. His heart practically lept into his throat as he spotted the leather jacket and helmet that belonged to you inside and he ripped it up from the floor.

God, it had been so long since either of you had gone out that the box everything was in was collecting dust, it might have even had dust bunnies on it to but Changbin wasn't going to let it deter him from his mission of the night, and he grabbed everything before making his way back into the home.

Standing beneath a lampost in front of your house might have made Changbin look like a stalker to someone. He was dressed in all leather with a blacked-out helmet covering his head, if it wasn't for the bright pink helmet he was holding in his hands he might have worried he looked too intimidating. Changbin pulled his jacket around him tightly, glancing down at his phone and up again for any sign of you. Normally you were home long before now, it was almost 6 and he worried something might have happened to you.

Just before he was about to phone you he saw you coming, your head buried deep in your phone with a frown embedded between your eyebrows which made his stomach drop. Maybe he'd messed up the days you were supposed to be working.

"Hey hot stuff," He called out, unable to contain his excitement anymore. The thrill of going out on a ride with you again excited him more than he could ever put into words. You jumped slightly, your eyes widening as your phone slipped from your hands and you raced to catch it.

"Jesus Christ!" You panted heavily, hand holding over your chest as you took in who it was standing there. You hadn't expected anyone to be lingering around outside your apartment building this late in the night, you figured Changbin would be home in bed already after the week he'd been having.

"Didn't mean to scare you, darling." Changbin winked putting on an extra flirting persona as you shook your head at him, your eyes taking in the bike as your mouth dropped a little. You hadn't seen this thing in almost two years, you were almost sure he'd sold it long before now and you smiled a little.

"Sorry, I have a boyfriend." You smirked playing along with the role he had in his head, glancing up at him as he pushed himself off the lampost and made his way over to you holding out the helmet for you to take.

"How about you leave the boring one behind and join me?" He wriggled his eyebrows at you as you laughed softly to yourself, you couldn't even remember the last time you'd been on the back of that thing.

"Boring? I think he's rather sweet and mature." Changbin grunted, holding his chest and stumbling a little at the mention of the word "Mature." His younger self would have cringed at the thought of him growing up.

Now he was older and drove a car more than he ever drove his bike and it hurt him inside. He'd always wanted to keep his rebellious years with him.

"You wound me, fair lady!" He cried out dramatically before you laughed through your nose, taking the helmet from his grasp and staring down at it. You could still remember the day he'd got this custom-made for you, you'd been having a bad day in University and when you came out to meet him he was standing there with the painted pink helmet and a leather jacket to boot-

"Remember this too?" As though he'd been reading your mind he produced the pink leather jacket from the trunk box with your name and his stitched into the back of it. It was something he'd had done since the two of you were constantly out on the bike, it didn't matter where you were going, you just headed in any direction the bike took you. Sometimes ending up at a beach or even just a wooded area, going for a walk together and enjoying the silence.

"I thought you threw it all out," You admitted through a whisper, stepping closer to him as he helped you slide back into the jacket with ease, his heart practically skipping a beat as he saw you dressed in it again. 

"Never, baby. Never." He breathed out, pressing his lips to your forehead as he slipped the helmet from your hands and you stared up at him. For a fleeting moment, it all of a sudden felt as though you were back to your old times together, with no stress and nothing there to cloud your mind. Just the two of you on his bike.

"Where did you have planned?" You questioned slowly but a smirk had begun to tug on the corners of your boyfriend's slips as he slipped the helmet onto you, his eyes finding yours through the open visor.

"It's a surprise." He offered you the only response, shaking your head at him you nodded.

"I can't wait," You said softly, your heart racing as you thought about escaping from everything, even if just for a little while.

Changbin helped you onto the bike, making sure you were perfectly comfortable before he twisted the key making the engine roar to life. Instantly you wrapped your arms around his waist, smiling at the sensation of finally doing this again.

"Do you remember the rules of being my backpack?" He asked, his voice muffled through his own helmet and you nodded, tightly squeezing his sides in a trusting manner. Feeling you like this set a warmth through him that made his heart race.

"Always," You giggled a little before he took off into the night. Leaving your worries and stress behind you. 

Changbin was always an excellent driver when it came to being on the bike but he was even better when he had you on the back of his bike. He put it down to the fact that he wanted to be careful - more so than usual - since he was carrying precious cargo with him. Your head rested on his back slightly as you looked around while you drove, your head already trying to come up with where he was taking you for the night.

The road leading up to the mountains that Changbin had planned on taking you was winding and narrow, he'd not realised that when he'd looked it up earlier in the night but he navigated it with complete ease. The air was cool as it passed you both, carrying the scent of the pine trees in the forest around the mountains surrounding you. You leaned into Changbin, the cheek of your helmet resting against his back as you listened to the steady rhythm of the bike and his breathing.

As you climbed higher through the mountain on the back, the city lights below began to twinkle like a scattered necklace of stars, the view expanding into a breathtaking view for you both and you already loved where he'd bought you. You reached a lookout point near the summit, and he slowed the bike to a stop, cutting the engine. The sudden silence was deafening, broken only by the soft rustle of leaves and the distant call of whatever wildlife was surrounding you.

This was exactly why he'd bought you here, it was too quiet you wouldn't have to listen to car and house alarms, or neighbours that yelled all of the time. Here the two of you could be in silence and sit in complete and utter peace.

He helped you off the bike, your hands practically shaking with excitement as you took off the helmet and got to have a proper look around.

As you walked to the edge of the lookout, Changbin stayed behind to grab the blanket he'd packed into the trunk box and watched you carefully. He could barely tear his eyes away from you as he watched your body completely relax, your shoulders were no longer bunched and tensed and he could see you physically chill out. 

Slowly he made his way toward you, the city below you both a seat of lights that made it look as though there was another set of stars down there. 

"It's so beautiful," You whispered, your voice filled with awe as you continued to take in the scenery that was around you, barely able to take your eyes away from it. 

"Yeah," He said softly, looking only at you as his heart swelled with a mixture of pride and love for you,

"It really is," He breathed out, laying the blanket down just behind you before he made his way over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and laying his head between your neck. Your body tensed for a fraction of a second before completely melting against his, your head rolling back against him as you both stared out into the city.

It was then that you'd only just realised that the whole time you'd ridden up here you hadn't once thought about work or the bills you had waiting for you back home.

"You always know just what I need," You breathed out to him, your fingers finding his as you threaded your fingers through his and squeezed softly. Changbin had always been that way, if you needed him he was there no matter what, even if you didn't know you needed him he was always there.

"You'd been stressed lately and you needed a break so I helped," He chuckled, even though the break had been mostly for you he couldn't deny the fact that this had been really relaxing for him also. The whole ride he'd felt you close to him and he felt the most relaxed he'd been in a very long time and he owed it to you. 

"We need to keep doing this...to drive and get away from everything," You almost sounded as though you were begging for it and Changbin smiled to himself, his heart picking up as he thought of all the possible places the two of you could go.

"I'll put a bucket list together for us," He promised, his lips kissing your shoulder softly as your body shuddered a little and you felt your body heating up at the sudden attention.

"Are you hungry yet? I have some food in the trunk box and I made sure to grab some sugary sweets too," You practically melted into him and groaned.

"You own me, heart, body, stomach and soul, Binnieeeee!" You cried out, turning around in his arms and throwing your arms around the back of his neck, kissing his lips softly as a blush settled onto your boyfriend's arms completely.

"Let's go eat and stargaze," He chuckles, pressing a soft and gentle kiss to your lips before taking you by the hand and leading you back over to the blanket.

After the two of you had eaten you laid down together, your head resting against his chest as you stared up into the clear sky of the night. His jacket was laid across you for extra warmth and he kept you close to him the whole time as you pointed out different constellations and told him the stories of what each of them were.

"There's Orion," You said, pointing towards the southeast and smiling, your eyes lighting up as you stared over at them. Changbin's heart was already singing as he stared at wherever you were pointing. Even though he didn't see it all clearly he was still happy to listen to something that clearly made you very happy to talk about. You stared at the hunter with his belt of three stars before your eyes scanned over the sky again. "The big dipper!" You cried out, excitement evident in your voice.

Changbin stretched out his arm, and you nestled closer, resting your head on his shoulder as you felt your eyes getting heavier the longer you stayed there, but you didn't want the night to end yet. The warmth of his body and the steady beat of his heart were comforting to you as you fought yourself not to sleep.

"We can head back if you're tired." You tensed against him, your hands clutching at his shirt as you shook your head at him,

"Please, no. Going back means going back to the stress of it all..." Changbin nodded, running his hand up and down your arm in a soothing motion, if it meant keeping you longer then he didn't care if you wanted to stay all night long.

"What if we could lessen your stress load?" He approached the topic gently, he'd been meaning to ask you for a while but with everything going on he hadn't known where to begin with anything. Moving in together would fix a lot of the bills issues for you both, everything split between you would be easier than normal. 

"Hmm?" You titled your head a little, resting your head on his chest and looking up at him. His cheeks were now as dark as they could get and you could have sworn you saw a little bit of sweat beginning to form on his head.

"Binnie..." You breathed out, worrying a little that he was starting to get sick out here but he sat up a little, leaning back on his arms as he stared at you.

"Move in together...We could move in and save on a bunch of bills..." It was why he'd moved into a home in the first place, when he'd been shopping around you'd helped him of course and he'd chosen somewhere you loved and he'd planned on asking you sooner or later.

"Really?" It would be a lie to say you hadn't thought about it already, but you'd been too worried to suggest anything to him. 

"My lease is up in a month..." Your voice trailed off slowly before you looked back at him, his eyes already boring into yours as he waited for you to give him an answer.

"Yes! God, a million times yes!" You yelled before throwing yourself at him, giggling as you kissed him all over his face. 

A year later since your night under the stars and many times of coming back to the same mountain at least once a month, you were back once again, only under different circumstances this time. Everything in your life was still stressful only a little less now that you had someone to share your hardships with, the two of you fought through everything together to make sure you had everything under control. You were stood looking out at the same lookout while Changbin nervously waited on one knee behind you.

Everything had been planned to perfection, you'd had a wonderful picnic under the stars, all of your favourite snacks and unbeknownst to you, a bottle of champagne was waiting in the space of his bike. 

"Binnie, you have to come and see this-" Your breath hitched in your throat as you saw the ring box in his hand.

"Yn," He started, the box opening to reveal the ring inside, a diamond that caught in the sunlight.

"I have spent every single day of our time together loving you, every time we're away I feel my heart reaching out for yours, crying when we're not near," Tears began to gather in your eyes as you stared down at him.

"Every day with you has been the best day of my life, from every moment we've ever shared to every moment we're going to share, I know you're the only one for me..." He smiled a little, doing his best not to cry.

"Will you marry me?" You barely let him finish as you threw yourself around him, kissing him deeply and whimpering a little as tears streamed down your cheeks.

"Yes, Binnie, Yes." You cried as you continued to kiss him, your bodies moulding together perfectly under the starlight.

@chiisaiblog @sw33tnight @kaitieskidmore97 @laylasbunbunny @stayconnecteed @saymyspringrain @toplinehyunjin @katnisspeetaprim @acciocriativity @just-aelia @choisoorin @straykids5star @midnightfrog625 @beccaskz @scarletemeterio @halesandy @junhannies @gothic4under4lord @lixie-phoria @soulphoenix1618 @aerastus @jin-from-the-block @lensfilm @elizaschuyler18 @piratequeen-impact @kpopsstuffs @chaeyoungs @delulu18 @xyahrinx @katsukis1wife @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @blairscott @4-chan-inpadella @niktwazny303 @moonlight-the-writer @armystay89 @hadassahchan @yxngbxkkie @myyouthdonut @extrhotjne @ca11me3mily @elissasimp @piercedddriver

[fiddleleafedfig]

@wolfstarmicrofic | April 23:rd Teacher AU | Also inspired by this incredible post | 971 words

“It’s because I’m gay.”

Dora’s words had echoed in his head for the better duration of two years.

Two years.

Jesus Christ.

It sounds more clear now that there isn’t an ever pressing haze of alcohol clouding his brain. But alas, he frankly can’t afford to be an alcoholic anymore. He wasn’t even that good at it. A bottle of wine every evening and Remus just turned into a weepier version of his otherwise quite bleak self and watched old rom-coms on tv until he fell asleep on the couch.

But an English teacher’s salary isn’t hefty enough to really support a proper addiction and Remus hadn’t ever been the type of person to steal a car or break into someone’s house just to fuel his habit. With his luck he’d get caught right away anyway.

“This can’t come as a surprise, Rem, we never even had an active sexlife.”

Sure, fine, maybe they hadn’t. But they had been married for years; university best friends turned adult lovers and confidants turned married at twenty five and divorced at thirty three.

The divorce had at least been simple, easy, just like anything else about their relationship. One second she was there, dying her hair in the tub and staining it all bubblegum pink — the next she was moving out and downloading lesbian dating apps.

Remus munches salad from his little packed lunch. He should be planning his classes whilst having lunch — he refuses to, he’d rather sit here all bent-backed and pretend that the salad actually tastes better, that he isn’t regretting moving across the country to get away from it all. That his new life isn’t sinking his mood just like the old one did.

There’s a knock on his classroom door.

Remus looks up from his sad salad. “Come in?”

The door, covered in prints of Shakespeare plays and old illustrations of Of Mice and Men and other English class classics, opens to reveal the knocker.

Sirius has his hair in a bun today, black strands tied back and into a scrunchy that could rival the cheekiest of cheerleaders’. Other than that he is in his usual all black attire, all except his rainbow colored lanyard which holds his keys and the miniature periodic table keyring.

Sirius smiles. It’s all gray eyes that look like they’re sparkling under the hideous fluorescents and can make even the toughest lunch lady blush.

“Hi Remus, is this a bad time?”

Remus tries to swallow the tightness in his throat.

He can’t really deal with Sirius popping by like this, he’s done it quite frequently since Remus’ first week.

“No, not really,” he says, trying to keep his hands from fiddling and his eyes from darting around the room. “What can I help you with?”

Sirius shrugs, careless and relaxed. “I was just wondering if I could borrow your stapler. Seems like mine’s wandered off.”

Sirius drives a motorbike to school.

Remus saw him get off it in the parking lot not too long ago. It felt like the world stood still or maybe moved in slow motion when Sirius removed his helmet and shook his hair out, kitted out in leather. Then his neck got all hot, for some god forsaken reason, and he had to go splash cold water on his face before facing his students in the first period.

So many of Sirius’ supplies have gone missing in the short time where they have worked together.

“Erhm… Yeah, sure— absolutely,” Remus stumbles through sentences as he stands to go fetch the stapler in the supply closet. He turns the little key and quickly looks over the closet, a bit too aware that Sirius is coming closer; if he isn’t misinterpreting the scuff of boots on the floor.

He grabs the stapler, turns around. “Here.”

Sirius is right behind him, right in front of him now. Looking up at Remus with his easy smile and rows of lovely black lashes and… and… and pink lips.

“Thanks, I’ll give it back as soon as I’m done, okay?”

“Yeah…”

Sirius leaves. Remus has to go sit down, he’s feeling dizzy.

“Are you even attracted to me, Rem? I mean— it’s fine if you aren’t. Maybe I’m not your type or something.”

There was always something hidden in Dora’s words, at least in those words. Remus hadn’t come any closer to figuring them out, not even two years later.

He just sits in his darkening apartment, playing those words over and over whilst watching-but-not-really-watching tv. He should really go over to Sirius’ classroom tomorrow. You know, just to make sure he remembers to give the stapler back. And it has absolutely nothing to do with what Dora said those years ago, nothing at all.

In the following morning, Remus dresses in his good shirt and wrestles with his hair for a touch longer than usual. Why? Don’t worry about it.

He goes into work with a determination and anxiety churning in his belly.

He walks up to Sirius’ classroom, a print of Neil deGrasse Tyson on the door, and knocks.

Deep breath.

Sirius opens the door. Light eyes and smiling lips and an overall undeniably beautiful face.

Stapler, that’s what he’s there for.

“Will you go out with me?”

What?! No!

Remus was supposed to ask about the stapler!

Fuck!

Sirius just looks back up at him, glittering eyes and widening smile. He doesn’t say anything.

Remus tries to backpedal. “The stapler — I really need my stapler, that’s what I meant.”

Sirius just smiles. “So I just missed the point two second window of going out with you?”

There’s cotton in Remus’ ears, ringing in his brain. “No— I mean… Wait— Did you want to go out with me?”

Sirius’ smile looks like it’s almost too big for his face. “I thought you’d never ask.”

[autisticlancemcclain]

Lance flicks on the lights and his soul damn near leaves his body.

“Jesus H. Christ one a one-wheeled motorbike, Pidge,” he gasps, hand pressed to his galloping heart. She doesn’t laugh — Pidge doesn’t laugh often — but Lance has learned to read her, in the year or so they’ve been in space. He recognises the twitch of her mouth, the flash in her eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Your lock code is embarrassingly easy to guess,” she says in lieu of an answer. Lance smiles reflexively at the matter-of-fact, half chiding tone. He pulls finally away from the wall, having caught his breath, and starts rifling through his cabinet.

“Yeah?”

He hears the shuffle of blankets, the muffled hits on a pillow being shoved into a lap. When he glances out of the corner of his eyes, he finds her sat comfortably in the dead centre of his bed, criss-cross-applesauce, nails picking at the threads of his pillowcase and eyes blinking owlishly behind her glasses.

“Yes. Fifty eighth most common four letter password.” She pauses a moment. “Spelling F-A-R-T with numbers is very immature.”

Lance snickers. He’d forgotten what his password spelt, he’s used the same combo so long. “Is that right?”

“Yes. You should come up with something more secure. It was my second guess.”

“What was the first?”

Pidge doesn’t seem to notice his curious look. Her eyes are focused on the items in his hands, watching diligently as he sits on the floor next to a dish of water, squeezing some soap into his hands and rubbing it all over his bare legs. Her head is tilted with a similar look of inquiry.

“Your birthday. What are you doing?”

Instead of answering, Lance removes the cap from his razor and starts to carefully drag it down his calfs, rinsing it every two strokes in the water. Pidge watches with rapt attention.

Weirdo, Lance thinks, fondly and hypocritically.

It doesn’t take long for the questions to start firing off.

“What’s the point of shaving your legs?”

“Gets rid of the hair.”

“Why do you want to get rid of the hair?”

Lance takes a moment to gather his thoughts, answering truthfully. “Lots of reasons. Not all of them I’m proud of. I started mostly ‘cause Veronica did it and I used to do everything she did.” He pauses. A sad smile pulls on his lips, and he swallows around the comfortingly familiar lump in his throat. “Well. ‘Used to’. If she was here I’d probably still be puttering around after her.” He finds Pidge’s eyes and smiles at her, winking. “Older siblings are easy to hang off of, huh?”

Her mouth twitches. She breaks eye contact, resting her chin on her knees and moving the pillow under her legs. “No. Older siblings are annoying. And ridiculous. I once followed Matt around all day and wrote down every single time he said ‘ow’. He said in on average twenty-three times an hour.” She meets his eyes again, mouth pinched and eyebrows raised. “Your average is twenty-four.”

“I see.”

“You should tie your shoes.”

“Nah.” He taps the razor on the side of the dish, gently sliding it to the other side of him and switching his razor to his left hand. “Anyways. When I was your age I mostly did it ‘cause Ronnie did it. Helped with swimming, too. But as I got older…” He frowns. “As I got older, I started feeling like I had to, I guess. Like I was ugly if I didn’t.”

A pinprick of pain makes his hand still, lifting the blade from around his ankle. A tiny drop of blood swells at the base of it. He sets the razor down, quickly grabbing a towel and dabbing at the nick. Ankle wounds always bleed so much — it doesn’t even hurt anymore, but he can’t pull the towel away or he’ll stain the floor.

“…Do you feel that way now?”

Lance doesn’t answer for a long moment. He hears Pidge fidget, clicking her nails together. The blood finally slows enough for him to pull away the towel, and he resumes shaving the last half of his leg — much more slowly, this time.

“Not exactly,” he says carefully. “I recognize why I feel that way. I know where that pressure comes from, why it’s harmful. But it’s still…there. I still catch myself thinking cruel things; I have to spend a few minutes talking myself out of them. I tried stopping for about a year. I didn’t like it.”

He finally finishes swiping up the last line of soap, rinsing off his razor and then gently running a cold, wet cloth over his legs to get rid of any lingering suds.

“Do you think you’ll try to stop again?”

“Hm. I don’t think so. I like the feeling of smooth skin more than hairy skin, I’ve found. It’s nice on fresh sheets, plus sometimes hair tickles me and makes me jumpy. Plus, it’s easier to moisturize.”

“Ohhh,” Pidge says, and when Lance looks up there’s a real look of understanding on her face — not the practiced one she puts on when she doesn’t actually get something but doesn’t want to look dumb. “Like — it’s the same as why you don’t like jeans and socks.”

Lance smiles. “Exactly. I’d walk around in nothing but shorts and a big t-shirt, if I had the choice.” Legs clean and clean-shaven, he picks up his tube of lotion and starts dabbing dollops all over the skin. “That’s all I ever wore back home.”

“Arizona is freezing half the time!”

“Cuba,” Lance reminds her.

“Oh yeah,” she says again. “But what about when it rained?”

Lance shrugs. “Better to wear flip flops and get wet feet than wet socks. Wet socks are the worst.”

“Yeah.” She shudders. “Like prickly sweaters.”

He hums. The lotion smells like juniberries, which kind of smells like pineapple and hibiscus mixed with a strange, almost spicy scent. Not quite home, but close enough to be nice.

He doesn’t ask Pidge why she broke into his room while he was in the showers and sat in the dark waiting for him to get back. The same way he doesn’t press when she follows him down the halls, disappearing behind corners when he turns to look, or sits by his feet during movie night. He lets her be prickly with affection and learns to hear the undercurrent in her constant comments and rambles, learns to read her questions about every thing he does as curious rather than judgemental.

She would ice him out for weeks if he said it out loud, but there was this stray cat that lived near his house, when he was young. It hissed and spit and clawed if you came halfway near it; Mamá had forbidden him from trying in case it was sick. But he used to leave out water for it at night and sometimes even sneak Abuelo’s heating pad, and every once in a while it would let Lance sit near it without clawing him. Once it even attacked one of the older kids who used to chase him after school.

It’s no coincidence that Pidge always happens to be in the same room as him 90% of the time. Or that she can guess his passcode easily.

“Hey, Pidgeon,” he says, unwrapping the towel from his hair and starting to work in the leave in conditioner. “The lockcode on my snack drawer is the same as the room code. Just so you know.”

She stares at him for several minutes.

Her mouth twitches.

“I could have figured that out myself.”

“I know.”

“You’re weird.”

He smiles. “You too, nerd.”

[euripidestrousers]

The Bridget Jones Wolfstar AU that No One Asked For

Dear Diary, 

Even writing those words makes me physically ill so I’d like to start this off by disclosing that getting a diary was not my idea. 

You see, my best friend, James - excellent, wonderful best friend who has recently become a family man by choice, and has therefore become one of the most insufferable people on earth - gave me this diary and said it’s either this or he’s buying me therapy because one more rubbish one-week relationship of mine is going to kill him.

And I don’t need a fucking therapist, so here you are, and here I am. I feel better already.

(haha)

Dear Diary, 

James might be onto something. Today I found myself smoking my third morning cigarette while drinking my coffee and muttering that the drive to work is going to be hell because of the rain. 

I’ve become my father. 

Of course, I asked James if he ever looks in the mirror and sees Monty staring back and if it makes him want to buy a motorbike and he replied, ‘Uh, I’m literally his son, we look alike. Are you okay?’

My thirty third birthday is coming up. 

Please don’t let this be a mid-life crisis. I’m not in a relationship because I don’t want one, and haven’t had one in over ten years because the men in London either want to meet you in the park or meet your parents. It’s the last hour of the buffet and all that’s left is the salad. And I don’t need a relationship either. James and Lily are a match made in heaven since the first time he told her ugly friend he was ugly (rightfully so, the man is still hideous and a complete prick), and she told him to watch his fucking mouth. Made for each other.

But the last time I met a guy that made me laugh and was any sort of attractive and not a complete knob about being attractive, was over three years ago. 

Ie, it’s not for me. End of story.

I bought a motorbike

Dear Diary, 

I’m going to do away with the whole ‘dear diary’ thing, it makes me feel like a schoolgirl and if James ever finds you when we’re drunk he’s going to read out at least one embarrassing entry at me. They’re all embarrassing. 

I went on a blind date today.

“Long black for… Sirish?”

What? Oh. That vague jumble of mush must have been his name. Sirius grabs the takeaway cup and makes for the door briskly. He has the Binkley case to catch up on and write a piece on by the end of the week and he’s still not clear who the man is. A football star perhaps? He’s still being sidelined into the sports area of the paper because he did football for a year. Nevermind that he has an interest in politics and would very much like to report on where the country will be in ten years if it keeps going-

J: You busy after work?

Sirius grins, flopping his jacket over one arm to type back to James Potter, best friend and inarguably lesser half of Lily Potter. 

S: drinks?

J: I have a one year old

S: too early for him to start?

S: kidding. Don’t tell Lily. She’s already started making him take his helmet every time I take him for a day. 

J: It’s not for drinks. Lily has a friend who’s just come to town. I thought maybe you could show him around.

S: Worst lie ever. 

J: I haven’t had coffee yet.

J: It’s actually true though. He just came to town and doesn’t know anyone other than Lily, and Harry has a cold so we’re both staying home.

J: He’s quite attractive I’m told. Lily told me to say ‘tall Martin Freeman’, and that you’d know what it means

S: Potter, if I was so desperate that I would open to a blind date, I definitely wouldn’t start with any of Lily’s friends, they’re all college professors and about 50 years old. 

J: He’s 37

S: He has elbow patches. Guaranteed. Bet he says ‘but the Torries are actually not as conservative as they’re made out to be.’

S: Bet he has a mahogany desk and wanks to Aristotle

J: Jesus christ

J: Photo sent

Sirius glances down uninterestedly and sees a photo of a man. But instead of the expected stuffy looking balding man with a sour face, as most of Lily’s fellow professors are to be fair, instead he’s looking at a tall, brown haired man with flecks of grey at the temples and smiling softly at the camera, and he’s well, he’s not not handsome. Tall Martin Freeman is actually quite right. Hello.

He brings the phone closer to examine the photo as he blindly barges into the office building with the large Get Up, Britain sign gaudy and bright above him. 

The man is younger on second glance, although he is wearing a suit jacket with elbow patches (told you, Jamie), and standing a little awkwardly, like he’s not used to photos being taken of him, and it’s entirely likely that he’s more accustomed to being nose deep in a book ninety percent of the time. 

He’s shagged worse. 

S: I was right about the elbow patches

J: I really tried to find one without them too

J: But he sounds nice. Funny. Lily likes him, she talks about him all the time. They were prefects together in school and used to bunk off and smoke behind the bins

One the one hand: prefect. Disgusting. Hall monitors. Pigs-to-be, snooty, law-abiding to the most irritating degree (Lily being the exception, of course). On the other hand: smoking behind the bins is more his style. Speaking of, he’d love one right now-

J: I really think you’d like him. Even just friends. Moving cities is lonely and he sounds alright. He likes Manchester U?

S: Fine, I’m free after 6

S: Don’t yell at me if I shag him, work has been shit.

So that’s how Sirius finds himself, half past six, swearing up a storm and running with his tote bag over his head in the pouring rain, late for his blind date (or something).

He slams into the restaurant door, shaking himself off like a wet dog, his casual Friday jeans and black t-shirt soaking wet, his shoulder length, black hair is dripping around his face, hoping his laptop has survived, and shivering like a chihuahua at a children’s party. 

“Uh, I’m here for uh-” he consults his phone again and reads the name to the maitre d, “Reh-mus?”

“It’s Remus, actually”, comes a soft voice from his left. 

Sirius turns quickly and immediately drenches the man standing at his elbow in droplets of water from his hair and coat. Tall Martin Freeman indeed - he has one of those faces that’s even better in person, where the way he stoops his shoulders and holds himself makes him look soft and welcoming, and the warm lighting gives him that attractive, cozy professor look, rather than an uptight old man.

“Oh”, Sirius grins quickly, hoping his dazzling smile will make up for their flimsy introduction, “Right, Sirius. Are you still waiting for a table-?”

“I er, well, I was about to leave actually”, Remus says, glancing at the maitre d awkwardly, “You’re quite late.”

Sirius’ smile freezes. Well, then. 

“Got caught up at work”, he replies stiffly, brushing his hair back and letting his eyes go cold, “If you’d prefer we don’t-”

“No, no, of course not”, Remus appears to snap back, as if remembering his manners and seeming oddly distracted, “Please, let’s sit. You look like you could use a drink.”

Sirius runs his tongue along his bottom lip as he follows Remus to the table and wonders if that was a slight about him looking like a drowned rat. He notices the man has worn an absolutely hideous brown jumper that wouldn’t be out of place in an aged care home, so he doesn’t really have the right to judge Sirius’ appearance. 

“Wine?” The waiter offers politely. It’s a nice place - James said Lily had picked it because she thought Remus would like it. It is a little stuffy, honestly. Something his parents might have stopped by and deemed adequate, which is to say, the beer is fucking overpriced, Jesus-

“I’ll have the Stout again, please”, Remus answers briskly, nodding at Sirius to order his.

“Uh, yeah, Stout. Cheers”, Sirius adds, dumping his bag beneath the table and trying to surreptitiously dry his hair in the napkin. Remus looks away as if embarrassed by him. Swot.

“So, you know Lily through school?” Sirius starts, unable to keep the boredom completely out of his voice. 

“Yes. I take it you know James through yours”, Remus answers, very politely but also sounding just as bored. 

“Yeah, grew up together”, Sirius nods. 

Remus doesn’t say anything to that, just hums and sips some water. 

It’s fucking awkward. Normally, Sirius would give him an ultimatum - ‘look, do you want to liven it up a bit and turn this into a fun one-night thing? Because otherwise, I’m not feeling it and I’ve got work to do.’

But Lily knows this guy, they have mutual friends, and if this isn’t what makes blind dates the most excruciating, hellish thing on earth, worse than job interviews, worse than-

“I don’t really do blind dates”, Remus says suddenly, and then blinks as if he hadn’t meant to say anything at all.

“Right”, Sirius says, bewildered. 

“I, er, the dating scene. Not really my thing”, he says quietly, still not looking Sirius in the eye, “But I just moved here from Wales and I don’t know anyone, so this doesn’t have to be… anything. Just-”

“Oh- oh yeah. Fine with me”, Sirius finds himself swallowing down a touch of regret, offended really, because he’s not used to someone not immediately being ready to come home with him. “I’m not really looking for anything and blind dates are, well - eugh, you know? Like, thanks, my friends think I can’t get laid on my own or something so they set me up with whoever they think isn’t a serial killer, like any gay dude will do-”

“Yes, well”, Remus says tightly, taking another sip, “I rather thought Lily knew me better than that.”

His tone is rather pointed and Sirius realises he’s let his mouth run. Well… to be fair, the guy is kind of a snob. What was Lily thinking anyway?

“Yeah”, he agrees through his teeth, crossing his arms and legs and sitting back in his chair to wait for his beer. Maybe he can make an excuse after one drink. He can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t have a sense of humour and if this bloke doesn’t want to be a one-night stand, then he’d much rather be home. Alone.

“Is there anything around here you’d recommend?” Remus tries, voice clipped and still sounding slightly offended, “Restaurants? More importantly, ones you don’t recommend?”

“There’s a place that does turkey curry. It’s awful.”

“What? What curry?” The tightness in Remus’ face slips momentarily and he looks genuinely bewildered. He’s actually not a bad looker when he’s not frowning. 

“Turkey. It’s as bad as it sounds. Actually it’s worse, like eating a lamb burrito, it’s just not right. Shittest fucking curry and it’s as bad going in as it is bad going ou-”

“Two Stouts.”

The waiter delivers their beers and they fade off into silence as they drink. 

Remus sips delicately, in a way that’s completely inappropriate for a beer, and says awkwardly, “Yes well, thank you for the tip. I’ll rest easy never knowing what turkey curry tastes like.”

“Yeah, I mean, if you can avoid it then I guess this date wasn’t a waste after all.”

Remus blinks, expression dropping. 

Oh. Oh fuck. Double fuck. He hadn’t meant to say that.

“I’ve got to go to the bathroom”, Remus says abruptly and stands. He stalks away quickly and leaves Sirius gnawing at his lip and furious at both himself and this infuriating man who seems to loathe him, minutes after meeting him and who Lily apparently thinks is nice. 

He’s got other shit to be getting on with, he decides. And this bloke probably shags like a limp fish anyway, an Oxford type that thinks poetry is foreplay and once a month sex is scandalously frequent.

He drains his beer and half of Remus’ for good measure, and heads to the bathroom so he can catch Remus on his way out, only to hear his own name hissed furiously. He sees Remus standing out the front of the restaurant, shoulders raised against the cold and holding the phone to his ear. He steps closer and half opens the door to tell him he’s going to head off when he hears the conversation.

“... how did you think someone like Sirius would be good for me? After the hell I’ve had in the last year? Going on a date with someone like him? He showed up thirty minutes late, dressed like he’s going to a bar playing exclusively Metallica, and insulted me immediately. I told you, I don’t mind being alone for a while, especially after the divorce. I certainly don’t want to be shown around London by a rude, arrogant berk who dresses like a teenager and doesn’t seem to have a filter between his brain and his mouth. He probably thinks the bar scene is-oh”

Remus catches sight of him out of the corner of his eye and he spins. They stare at each other for a few excruciation moments, Remus still holding the phone to his ear. 

Sirius breaks the tension with a forced laugh, “Right. I’m definitely going home.”

“Wait, shit, I’ll call you back”, Remus mutters into the phone and hangs up, stepping forward but Sirius pushes past him, temper steadily rising into a roaring bonfire within his chest.

“Sirius, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“You’re absolutely right, I wouldn’t know the first thing about showing a bloke like you around London”, he turns and says loudly so it carries over the sounds of the cars driving by on the busy street, “You’d be more comfortable in a fucking graveyard, honestly. There’s one ten minutes that way-” he turns his back and points over to the left, calling back over his shoulder, “You’ll find someone much more your speed there, Remus.”

Blind date disastrous as expected. 

Remus fucking Lupin, a professor extraordinaire who wouldn’t be able to find his funny bone if it conked him on the fucking head, is not an exception to the blind date rule, even though he’s easy on the eyes at first glance. At second glance, he is a miserable, dried up academic whose own self-importance has completely consumed him despite dressing like his grandfather for Halloween. 

If this is what my friends think of me, I need to sort my fucking shit out. 

I should have asked him to shag before he opened his stupid fucking mouth.