#jesper being the first crow (besides kaz) means a lot to me

[jccatstudios]

I'm attempting to weave a backstory timeline in my mind for the characters, and I'm just now realizing that Kaz broke his leg and met Jesper all in the same year. Then, a few months later probably, Inej arrives in Ketterdam.

Obvious stuff if I just took more time to think about it, but I think it's really neat how their storylines all converge like that

[lady-ashfade]

The Song Behind Bars.

Six of crows x Fem!reader.

(Reader being…Well, you’ll see.)

Notes: honestly had a very small idea and it turned into this. I’ve been editing this for a while, it’s 5:45 am here…So sorry for the mistakes.

The readers appearance: Purple eyes, purple spots. Other then that you look as you do.

Warnings: Blood, killing, and I mean a lot of killing, gory, kinda bad writing but I was trying sometimes new, the crows being hurt, the reading being held hostage, the reader being powerful as hell. Spelling mistakes.

“Do you remember where the door is?” Kaz asked the smaller boy beside him, his voice hushed a quiet. “Hmm, the one on the left of the bar.” Wylan played with the collor of his shirt, it was itchy and tighter then he had wanted.

But he had to look the part, they all did. Kaz was wasn’t that much different then what he usually dresses like. In fact all of the clothes he had on were in his dresser beside his bed, but he rarely touched them. His vest black and silver, his coat black but the sleeves wived with red silk, matching his button up shirt underneath. And normal black pants, his favorite pair actually.

“What do you think is going to be showed?” Wylan asked curiously. “I don’t care as long as we get the necklace.” Kaz was quick to reply and end the conversation. But wylan wasn’t satisfied but he stay quiet and let his own mind wonder.

Soon they spit up, wylan going straight and into the workers room and kaz to the entrance with all the other visitors. He had been giving a marker to say what number he was. It was a auction, a hard one to get into but their place was already payed for. A man needed this necklace stole, not payed for.

Nina was standing behind the bar, cleaning the cups that were going to be used. The place was packed with the wealthiest people and the killers, a perfect match. But she was there to get them all out, since she had access to the back door, the only way out.

“I must say I look devilishly handsome.” Jesper popped his collor and sat down at the table with kaz. Kaz just rolled his eyes and looked around at room.

He looked up at the railing and saw Inej carefully hiding in the dark, he smirked and looks down before anyone caught him. “This suit fits me so well, the violent feeling- Oh, thank Nina for picking it out.” Jesper went on about himself.

Soon began the showing. Small items of value were first to get the audiences wanting more, some old paintings and weapons. Kaz was keeping his eye out for the necklace but it was never shown. Wylan come over with a tray of drinks in his hands and set glasses down, he smiled at them like he did all the other people and walked off to the next. Kaz looked down at the glass and saw a small note under, smirking he had a peek at it.

“The workers say the showcase is almost over, they are acting suspiciously. We were told to all leave when the sword of bran comes out, I think this whole thing might be a trap. -Nina.”

Glancing back at the bar Nina stared at him with worry in her eyes. She looked over at the door to hint at him to leave, kaz shook his head and looked back at the stage. Jesper asked what was wrong and he was givin the note. He thought it could also be a trap but also wanted to stay, he did love the food.

“Next up, The sword of bran.” The man shouted as he was given a covered blank and set it on the showcase. “The great black sword of Bran Helster himself, he used to kill the golden king.” The speaker man pulled the cover to reveal the big sword. Kaz noticed the men that guarded the stage lean over to talk to one another.

Next was the workers who left their place and the crowd to head in the back, nina and a man behind the bar stayed in place. The man with a black beard beside Nina whispered something to her and placed something in her hand. Nina’s face drop and went into a slight panic, she looked at kaz with worry. “We need to leave.” She mouthed at him.

He was never one to like a failed plan, the price for this job was high. Whatever was going to happen his crew could take it, all they need was that damn necklace. “It’s seeming like a trap.” Jesper keep his voice low and he earned a glare from kaz.

Wylan was no longer where he needed to be, but he couldn’t go back because it would look suspicious. Nina didn’t know what was about to happen or why she needed earplugs. But it wasn’t going to be good.

Once the bidding for the sword was done the man went off to the side and talk to someone. He smiled and walked back as the lights dimmed, and a sound of something being moved was slightly heard. “Now ladies and gentlemen, we come to a close for the night with a big ending.” He clapped his hands together.

“For hundreds of years we have wondered if saints were real, until the sun summoner appeared. What I have today was only a tale in story books, but what we have here is real.” He flashed one last smile before the lights came back on and something big hid under a cover. Kaz leaned up and so did jesper, this was very strange and to big to be what they wanted.

“The Seducer of the sea.” The cover was pulled off to reveal a big cage, one that would hold a bird but it was too big. At it was not a bird who was trapped in it. A woman with a short dress stood in the cage. Gasp throughout the crowd as they looked at her skin, purple spots over her legs. The people in the first row could see the color of her eyes, the same color as the spots.

“She could make sweet music with her voice, one that draws you in and could make anyone fall into her trap.” But that was ironic as she was the one in the trap. Kaz should have known what was coming but he was to focus on the shiny thing wrapped around her neck. She was wearing what they had come for.

“Is that?..” Jesper trailed off and kaz only gave a slight nod. “How are we going to get that?” But Kaz didn’t have a answer. This was not planned for and but he could work around it, he just needed a moment.

“And you might be wondering if I’m telling the truth. How could you tell if she is what we say?” He spoke and moved to the end of the stage. “She is has a song, we have train her well.” And with the he hopped out of sight. The men below put their hands up to their ears. Nina hated it but she did as she was told and put in the earplugs before the girl could sing. She had to stay out of it so she could get out the others.

The girl opened her mouth and a beautiful voice came out, it was so intoxicating. Kaz tried to cover his ears but it didn’t work because he already wanted more. Jesper was count up in her voice and stared at her, eyes going blank until kaz was too. That’s when something else was heard, screams like torture souls tried to break them. It was to loud for everyone.

Whatever was happening was having more of a affected on them. Blood started to leak out of the crowds ears and eyes, it was crushing everything from the inside. “Shit.” Lucky it wasn’t as bad for kaz and Jesper yet, since they sat in the back but Nina had to acted fast. She looked over to the man beside her and hit him in the face as hard as she could. He fall into the floor and she apologized and took off his plugs and ran to her friends. She place on in each ear, but she only had two.

She heard shouting behind her and looked back as the guards jump on the stage. The crowd of people fell from the seats from blood lose and the eyes in their heads popping. Blood started to leak from Jesper eyes and kazs ears bled more. “Saints, I’m sorry.” She said and stuck her finger into their uncover ears to try block out the noise.

On stage they pointed their guns at the girl who turned to them, her voice stopped and she looked at them. She smirked at them as if they had no real power over her. A roaring scream came out of her lungs and pointed her powers at them, only them and enough to get passed the earplugs. Within seconds they had dropped to the floor with bursts eyes.

Nina shook her friends and tried to wake them up, she looked to to see if Inej was still alive but she saw no one. She prayed she wasn’t dead and on the floor. Huffing she raised her hands up to kazs cheeks and strike it, hoping to wake him up. “Wake up!” She shouted. Kaz slowly opened his eyes and took a second to realize what had happen. Wylan poked his head out of the door and saw the people on the floor and a unconscious Jesper, he ran quickly over. Not caring for anything else.

“Jesper.” Wylan grabbed ahold of his boyfriends arm and shook him as tears picked up in his eyes. “Jesper! Wake up.” He wiped off the blood off his cheeks and eyes. He was still alive, his chest falling and his heartbeat still beating for Nina to hear. Kaz groaned when he sat up, his head hurt like something was crushing his skull. And his ears were ringing and wouldn’t stop.

“Hands up!” The group turned to the sound of men. They stared down the barrels of guns that were pointed at them, more guards have shown up. “Look, we have no clue what’s happening.” Nina push towards them back but backed up as they shouted at her. There was no way to get out, no where to run. If they tried to make a run for it they would be shot, kaz knew that. Jesper was out and it would be hard to carry him back.

Humming caught all of their ears and guns were no longer pointed at them but behind them. They a looked at the girl how had a sharp look, her hips swaying as she stared at the armed men. She looked mad. She sang again and the men tried to fight it but couldn’t move their fingers to pull the triggers. The crows covered their ears to keep her out of their heads but they soon realized it wasn’t affecting them. Nina threw jespers arm over her shoulder and wylan followed her.

Kaz looked at the necklace the mystery woman had on. “Kaz, let’s go.” Nina broke him out of his his trance. “We need that necklaces.” Even as he almost died, he still had his eyes on the price. Nina huffed at him and went to yell at him but the sounds of bones cracking stopped her. The guards necks twisted and fell on the ground, the woman hands up and smirked at the lifeless bodies below her. The crows hearts stop when she looked over at the team.

“Where am I?” She asked calmly, no aggression in her voice like she didn’t just slaughter many. “Ketterdam.” Kaz replied because he was not afraid as the others, but he was wary. The woman hummed in response and looked at the unconscious man. “He’ll live.” They wanted to smack her, they already knew that. Wylan wanted to yell at her because this was her fault but he stood no chance.

She looked away from them and walked away not interested in them anymore. They were no threat to her and she considered them innocent. Her mind started to run and her stomach began to turn. Killer. Killer. Killer. Her inner voice scream as she tries not to look at the blood on the ground. She did what she had to do to get away. She opened the door to leave, as soon as it was open and before she could react, she was hit with something and her mind blacked out.

Her body feel back onto the floor and Inej steps over her body, nose having a small bleed but that was it. “Hope I wasn’t to late.” She looked over at her friends and their face washed with relief that she was still alive. “You’re okay.” Nina shouted. Inej nodded and then she saw Jesper. Inej rushed over and looked concerned, “He’ll live.” Wylan said. Kaz walked over with a tight grip on his cane to keep himself up.

He looked down at the girl below him. He remembered the stories of the women who lived out in the waters, killing the men on bouts. Their looks just as beautiful as their songs, but a ugliness inside. She was clearly beautiful, and he had seen the darkest and witness her song. She was a siren but she had no tail, and gills. He leaned down despite the pain and grabbed ahold of the necklace.

“Fuck.” He shouted as a pain shot through him, it was shocking and felt horrible. He let go of the necklace as soon as he grabbed ahold of it. Kaz tried picking it up with his cane but just it traveled through it.

“We need to leave.” Inej came beside him. Kaz looked at her and to the others who carried Jesper, already heading to the door.

“She comes with us.”



[ephemeralgalaxies]

Shadow and Bone s2 spoilers

also some Six of Crows spoilers, so if you've watched s2 but still don't wanna know anything more yet about the crows than what the show has already given us, beware cause this will involve (probable) future spoilers

(once again, Wylan edition (and a lil jesper. but mostly wylan). but this time it's about the soundtrack that plays during a certain scene in episode 4 iykyk) (most of my meta posts will probably be about him. he's a cool character. and he's me but that's beside the point) (me as in ND with tics, sass, and way to much random fact info than is for his own good but sometimes actually proves very useful but not in the way you'd expect. usually in a quite disturbing and confuzzling way)

last warning for spoilers under the cut bc I am absolutely picking apart as many frames as I can

OK OK YES THIS IS ABOUT THE KISS SCENE BUT SPECIFICALLY THE MUSIC THAT PLAYS BEFORE/DURING. Bear with me here, this is gonna be quite the trainwreck as I am running on adrenaline from sleep deprivation and also like two oreos.

To start off, the song for this scene is The Night We Met composed by Joseph Trapanese (spotify link).

Alright, first, the way this song just blends so nicely from the scene with Pekka Rollins in the cemetery to this one just *chef's kiss* (ofc we get quite the gap in soundtrack between the end of that scene and once this song starts playing, but they still arch together pretty well) In fact, I almost thought they were the same, or at least same motif (it tries to be a major key song with lots of accidentals/minor-falls/glissandos to make it more angsty dramatic). Which, shouldn't mean that much from a distance... but oh boi does it make my mind stir.

That song (labeled by Netflix CC as "dramatic music" lmao) surfaces when Pekka Rollins and his crew are scouring the Black Veil Cemetery in search of his son, Alby Rollins. Ofc, he finds him safe and well just as the police(?) take Rollins under arrest for the murders he's just admitted to (holy shit, Kaz works fast). Like, with the beginning of The Night We Met, these are the same songs in different fonts. Which,,, may not be on purpose but is absolutely brilliant anyways bc of how much Alby and his father mirror Wylan and his father (if that mirror had shattered into a web design and had been left to collect dust and mold for decades).

(summary context just in case we do have some ppl reading this that don't know about Wylan's family and want to: his father is Jan Van Eck, a very wealthy merchant from Ketterdam. Like, Pekka Rollins "rules" the Barrel, but Van Eck (and capitalist co) run the country. But he's a shit person and an even more shit father, disowning Wylan on the basis of him not being able to read and therefore "useless as an heir" so,,, Wylan ran away ofc)

So right before this very emotional scene for Wylan, we get Pekka Rollins, absolute dumpster fire trash of a man, be a good father. aND EVEN HAVING THE MUSIC DO A HARSH FADE FROM WHEN ROLLINS NON LONGER CAN SEE HIS SON TO WYLAN ASKING JESPER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE FREE?

im screaming so much it was perfect

So with that in context, we lead into the scene in Wylan's workshop. It's quiet now, hopeful even. You're already forgetting about abandoned sons and desperate fathers. The world is "full of possibilities." There's no music anymore, just the fizzling and clanging (Wylan, wtf do u have clanging in your workshop???). And the silence stays as Jesper talks about what he'd like to do now that he can roam the Barrel free again. How he'd like to do that... with Wylan.

But Wylan's acting weird. He should be in his element here; laid out, an open book. But he's hiding. No literally, he ducks under the table. And even after he's explained that he's feeling strange bc he was so sure Jesper wouldn't want anything more with him, there's silence. It's only when Jesper starts to back away, when he seems hurt by the idea that Wylan doesn't think Jesper would like him, that the music picks up. And I love this so much because throughout this entire scene, Wylan is interacting with the music. As if he can hear it. Jesper floats along it, fitting everything so perfect within pauses, but Wylan actually feels it. Like each little violin arco pull or harp chord is another thought in his head.

So here: the music starts. Just gentle harp for now (I think that's a harp. Or something of the variety. I'm gonna be so embarrased if it's just like an acoustic guitar or smth). And Jesper backs up, hurt, and Wylan realizes oh shit wait this actually means something to him, I've just hurt him, I have to fix this. I need to clarify. Let him know it's not like I wanted to leave, but "better to cut my losses." (and my god I love Jack Wolfe's little "I... huuuuuh" that he gives like I love it so much it's so awkward and accurate like Wylan has so much he wants to say but can't figure out how to actually get it out right).

And we keep with this pattern, just gentle (almost melancholic) harp chords of one two three four pause... one two three four pause... BUT IT'S A SORT OF ARPEGIO. BC once Jesper says "my reputation isn't entirely unfounded," the camera pans back to Wylan for the next set of notes that reach a little higher, a little different, little more noticeable. And with this frame, we get a nod and a small smile (not reaching his eyes, ofc, Wylan seems to smile as a signal a lot more than in genuine) -- this feels like confirmation to him. He's correct, his assumptions from that night are valid. Someone like Jesper wouldn't want anything more (from someone like him).

Then we stay on Jesper again, how he likes "the gamble of Barrel life" (sobbing for Wylan thinking that Jesper won't like him anymore when he finds out that Wylan isn't "Barrel life" (not really, he thinks. Not like the rest of them). We even get the more overt and dramatic lil "yeah there you go, ofc, I get that" hand motion with another nod and smile before he avoids Jesper's gaze (and the camera) again by walking off to the end of the table. He's put more distance despite being more accessible now; they're not looking across from each other anymore. Jesper has to move to keep engaging.

And he doesn't at first. He lets his eyes follow Wylan, but then drops them again shortly as he thinks on it all. He's losing Wylan here, he knows it. He needs to change this pattern up before Wylan disappears into that quite chord progression entirely. "I may very well have left you first..." Wylan looks up again, smiles and nods, still tinkering away. He's trying to engage the conversation but only as little as possible. He wants this over with, he's got his confirmation. It's all up to Jesper now.

AND OH BOI DOES JESPER TAKE THAT CHANCE.

He starts walking towards him. "But that..."

Wylan stills, looks back at him, shakes his head and looks back down. Like for a moment it was maybe maybe maybe then pushing that hope back down bc that can't be what this is.

"...was before I got to know you." THE "what wtf hold on" ON WYLAN'S FACE IM SCREAMING. THE HARP IS STILL ALONE, HE'S STILL NOT TRUSTING IT. HE'S LISTENING BUT WON'T DARE ENGAGE YET. HE NEEDS MORE.

"I can't make you any promises." VIOLIN!!!!

"Or predict what might happen between us" VIOLINNNN!!!

"But I can tell you that..." quieter violin as Jesper hesitates

Wylan realizing oh shit oh shit oh shit right along with that muddled lower violin arco note mixed with the harp chord. It's not clean like the others. The harp is catching up to the violin.

"I'd like to find out." Another weird chord (forgive me im tired and can't tell if it's an accidental or just a deviation entirely into another key but it sounds like a different key for a sec) with the harp and a beat of silence. Then the violin follows it...

AND WYLAN SMIRKS. LIKE I SWEAR TO GOD THIS WHOLE POST STARTED BC WHEN I FIRST WATCHED THIS SCENE ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS HOW IT LOOKED LIKE WYLAN REACTS TO THAT VIOLIN NOTE AFTER JESPER SAYS HE WANTS TO TRY SOMETHING MORE WITH HIM. He hides his face from Jesper, and it hits him with the arco note. The guy he likes actually likes him back. This incredible, cool, gunslinger that has his back and doesn't care or judge him for his quirks also actually likes him. more than friendship, more than sex, there's another shared thing here. Wylan can be more. But the harp here slows down, a ritardando only it actually feels the effects of bc the violin has already done its job. Jesper is worried now, he's said what he said and all he can do is hand control over to Wylan.

and then ofc my favorite "hey bro pls respond" like after that arco note that seems to be just for Wylan, like it's his own lil secret realization music, Jesper sits in silence (literally, there's only ambient background, no more actual notes) and when Wylan realizes he hasn't actually responded, that Jesper also needs confirmation, dear god he's gonna give it to him.

But the music doesn't start up again once Wylan begins to walk (run. Like he's sprinting into this kiss) to Jesper, it starts again when Jesper realizes what Wylan's doing. That he's responding. And he's responding very positively.

Now the violin is confident, steady, forceful. There's no more of that careful sliding on the bow, this is borderline staccato. And it's joining the harp. THEY'RE PLAYING TOGETHER NOW!!! THEY'VE CAUGHT UP!!!!!!! Like they've literally caught up, the two characters and instruments melting together in a new melody of the same key but with energy and passion and giddy joy. IT'S LIKE FIREWORKS, LIKE A GUNSHOT.

Then the roaring ocean, violin switching from a long-short combo to straight 16th notes fast and ready and dear god I love it. There's still that whisper of the more hesitant violin in the background, but the faster one is taking control of the piece now. It knows what it wants, has a clear direction. And saints, if that doesn't perfectly mirror Wylan in this scene. This music piece is a beautiful conversation not just between the two characters (and respective separate instruments) but also with that haunting past Wylan carries with his confidence. He knows his worth, knows he's useful. He just can't think that others would recognize this as well. A violin is not a gentle instrument (I'm sorry, but there's a reason I chose the cello). It's higher pitches are harsher, sharper. It can be beautiful, yes, but it can never have that subtlety of a cello or viola (at least lower strings of a viola). The violin is the 1st chair, the main melody carrier, the gem of the orchestra. Sure you need the others, but everyone knows the violin. Wylan knows his worth to a sharp, unsubtle point. But he hangs back like a 2nd violin position -- letting someone else take the reigns until he finally has the space (the safety) of exploding (hehe) into sound. He trusts Jesper now. Wylan's gonna play with the force of his bombs now.

At least until Jesper learns about his history. Which, I think might be another reason why we still have that 2nd violin position sound even at the end. He's encouraged, but he knows there's something he's still gotta hide. And it won't be pretty when it all spills out.

TLDR: the music nerd obsesses over the fictional music nerd way more than anyone asked for (which is at all. no one asked for this. why do I keep doing music-based metas. because I love them and can't sleep until I do them that's why). Wylan is a violin apparently but he can't decide whether he's playing along with the cellos/violas or if he's taking the reigns and filling that conductor's right-hand man spot (is it the right side? hold on. wait shit no it's the conductor's left side. whatever. that 1st chair violin thing that's really special but idc bc Im a cellist and my director switches our section arrangements all the time to play with sound). Also apparently Jesper is a harp which does kinda make sense considering it's a pizzicato sound and Jesper is very ticky ticky like most of the soundtrack songs he's in the scenes of have some kind of ticking. so,,,,,,,

[saint-ambrosef]

Hi! I sent the Shadow and Bones anon to @that-catholic-shinobi and saw your replies! So now I'm curious and I love when people rant about things, in the show what do you think they got right? And what did you feel was done wrong? Was there scenes that they did from the books that were close to the source material, but felt different in tone/ect or were just wrong? Was the Matthias and Nina romance in the main trilogy or the Six of Crows section of books? (I watched the show, I felt weird with how hot/cold they would be in such a short amount of screen time, like being on a roller coaster, I think it made the romance feel extra sudden and strange to me)

Anyways, I hope all these questions don't bug you, I'd love to hear your thoughts cause you seem like you really enjoyed the books and know your stuff. I do think I will give the books a try cause you and that-catholic-shinobi made them sound pretty interesting! Thanks!

Oh hello! I love sharing my thoughts on stuff like this. :)

The first thing to know is that the duology and trilogy occur in the same world, but the stories are relatively unrelated. SOC is also set several years after the end of the trilogy. So none of the duology characters (Kaz, Inej, Jesper, Nina, Matthias) existed in Alina's story.

By combining these two distinctly separate stories, the plot felt disconnected and bloated. Cramming eight protagonists into one TV show spread the screen time too thin. The only reason they shoehorned in the SOC characters that otherwise have nothing to do with Alina's story is because they're fan favorites who will draw views - but then each character gets a fraction of their book counterpart's development. (Not to mention major side characters like Genya who barely show up at all).

The consequence is bad pacing. Stuffing the show with so many plot lines necessarily speeds up each. E.g: In the book, Alina is at the Little Palace for months, accounting for half the novel. So much happens: her friendship with Genya, the breakdown between her and Mal, dicey Grisha politics, the delicate balance with the Grand Palace, the lavishness between training and Small Army assignments, propaganda, in-depth exploration of Grisha magic system (!!!), tensions between the First Army and Second Army, etc. The show had to cut all of that to make room for the other story lines. It makes her story feel so shallow.

I mean, Kaz, Jesper, and Inej show up and look cool and do cool stuff but you don’t really find out much about them besides vague suggestions that Kaz wants revenge, Jesper is gay and gambles, and Inej is religious. It's such a disservice to their characters.

Most of Alina's story in the show is pretty similar to the book plot. There's just lots of little changes that don't make sense to me, portrayals of specific characters or scenes.

Was the Matthias and Nina romance in the main trilogy or the Six of Crows section of books?

It was in SOC. Even then, it's told as a series of flashbacks. Where they left off at the end of S1 (Nina pressing charges against Matthias to save him) is where they start off in the books. So they start off with a complicated, bitter relationship that is only gradually explained through Nina's flashbacks as the duology progresses.

Was there scenes that they did from the books that were close to the source material, but felt different in tone/ect or were just wrong?

Many lol. The main one that jumps to mind is the scene where the Darkling and Alina kiss. In the books, the Darkling's motivations are described as rough, wild, possessive, desperate without passion; he even says she's just a sexual distraction, and it's later revealed to be a manipulation tactic. It's disturbing and contributes to the theme of predatory authority. But the show depicts it as sweet, romantic, and motivated by affection. It made me gag.

The reason they did that was again for fan service. Book!Darkling is characterized as a cruel, possessive, power hungry man who would manipulate anyone and everyone for more power (literal or political). But of course many fans popularly decided he was a sexyboi with a secret heart and shipped him with Alina. So the show re-characterizes him as more sympathetic, emphasized his loneliness, downplayed his self-preservation and trumped up his "All I want to do his help Grisha" motivation.

The show additionally added in a sympathetic backstory to explain his creation of the Shadow Fold – that his pregnant wife (girlfriend?) was murdered in cold blood by muggles for no reason!! He just wanted revenge and justice!! This never happened in the book; he was just power hungry and wanted to terrify his enemies and Ravka by tapping into a power he couldn’t ultimately control

There's also the fact that they totally glossed over Genya's tragedy. She's a tailor grisha, which is rare. In the book, the Darkling "gives her talents" as a gift (aka enslaves her) to the Queen (who abuses her), and she becomes the very unwilling mistress to the King (which the Darkling relishes because now she can spy for him). Her life is miserable and she's considered an outsider even amongst Grisha. This is why she bonds with Alina. And that's why Genya's betrayal at the end of Book 1 hits so hard - she feels compelled to side with her ultimate abuser, the Darkling, because of his terrifying power. In the show we only have like three scenes of her and Alina interacting, yet they still act like Genya siding with him was some major betrayal.

But we don't have time for that subplot because the show-runners needed to shoehorn in all of Nina and Matthias' completely irrelevant scenes and focus on fucking Fyodor for some reason.

Characterization aside, the overall choice regarding which scenes to focus on was odd, too. The entire last episode was only like a 15 page scene in the book. They invented scenes of her and the Darkling yet breezed over the history of amplifiers and Morozova’s three legendary beasts. The first episode spends so much time embellishing how Mal and Alina end up going into the Unsea. Or the whole story the show concocted about West Ravka seeking independence (which is not a bad plot idea, but this show was already so bloated, why!!).

Then there were the details they changed for seemingly no reason. E.g. Book!Alina is an orphan born at Dva Stolba on the Shu Han border, which would seamlessly explain why show!Alina is half-Shu. But they changed it so her parents were destroyed by the Shadow Fold?? Why? And in the show, the court is suspicious of Alina because she’s Shu. But in the books, non-Ravkan Grisha (Shu, Fjerdan, Suli, etc) were quite common in the Second Army, as Ravka was known as the one place Grisha weren’t persecuted. So a half-Shu Sun Summoner wouldn’t have been that big of a deal. These are subtle changes that don’t really affect the show, but they are nonetheless unnecessary and/or slightly change the tone of a given scene.

Oh, also, they fucked up Zoya's characterization. They made her so cringy!!! She’s supposed to be this gorgeous, hot-headed, effortlessly smooth but sorta bratty squaller. Look how they massacred my girl...

There were definitely some casting wins. Ben Barnes as the Darkling was perfect. Kit Young portrayed Jesper perfectly and I cannot express enough how well he nailed the character. I thought the actors for Nina and Matthias did a good job too.

My most controversial opinion is that Freddy Carter as Kaz was a miscast. He's a good actor, he's just way too delicate and aristocratic looking to play a convincing street rat/bastard of the barrel.

Anyways. As a stand-alone television show, Shadow and Bone is quite good. The production value is impressive compared to most Netflix shows, with great cinematography, scene direction, and decent effects. It felt comparable to the big screen. Some of the actors were perfectly cast and the acting overall was positive. But ultimately, this show is a book adaptation. So of course there will be comparison to the original novel. To me, it's not a particularly faithful adaptation - everything felt pretty similar and yet slightly to the left, if that makes sense.

I really wish they made S&B and SOC separate shows. Or have their original stories run parallel to each other without interacting (sorta like the first few seasons of GOT with its different story lines).

Read the books!!!

[rcksmith]

Desire — Kaz Brekker

(Photo not mine)

Requests: “Hello there! I've been around this blog for a bit now and you are an amazing writer! I was wondering if you would be ok with doing something with 21 28 & 29 from the smut prompts and kaz brekker? If you are uncomfortable please just ignore this!”

“Kaz brekker Smut prompts 28 66?? Love you💖!!”

“I can request Kaz smut prompts 29?❤️”

Smut prompts:

21. “Look at you, I’ve only started using my fingers and you’re already shaking.”

28. “Such a needy little thing, aren’t you?”

29. “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

66. “You know I don’t like to be teased.”

Couple: Kaz Brekker/ Fem!Reader

Warnings: swearing, mention of shot, mention of desire, desire, mention of smut, explicit smut, NSFW.

Word count: 3k

A/N: All smut requests for Kaz must follow these rules.

I hope you like💕 English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

— — — —

There was something about you. Something impossible to decipher, with a glow hovering around you like a electrical energy. Wrapping your whole body in a cloak of magnetism. There was something about the way you spoke, walked, laugh. Something about what it was like to be you, in your beauty and mysteries like a sphinx.

Something that made Kaz Brekker completely furious.

You couldn't be more distorted from the image, in Kaz's mind, than what was to be a peaceful woman. Calm, controled, with steel emotions and wit in eyes. Someone who, like him, knew how to dance the waltz of negotiation, manipulation, who could blend in with the shadows and know the best time to listen more than speak.

You were not like Inej, you were not like Jesper. Hell, you were like nobody Kaz has known in all of his 28 years.

Nothing reminiscent of calm and control would be used to describe what it meant to be you.

Your soul are stormy, loud, obstinate, too stubborn and too talkative. You needed to speak loudly, laugh, move, expose your opinions to the seven winds and to whoever listened the most. You needed to question, inquire, doubt and test the limits of any situation. A direct order for you would be an affront to your free and independent spirit. A command that would curtail your freedom or tame your strong genius was almost like an invitation for you to do exactly the opposite of what they had ordered you to do.

So, for a man of trained reasoning, subtly balanced world, and who was used to his every command being followed vehemently and promptly in blind obedience, such a personality like you was like introducing a disturbing factor capable of shaking all his judgments. Sand in a watch, or stone in a shoe, would be no more a nuisance than a strong nature like your.

The extraordinary stubbornness and mania to counter his orders - when, in your words, they were unreasonable - had made you different from all the women Brekker had ever met. Kaz liked challenges and responsibilities, a good puzzle, but you were on a level far beyond that.

You were a danger to his peace of mind. And you knew that. All his aversion to your indomitable spirit only served as fuel for your own mission in to piss him off. Few men were like Kaz Brekker, you knew that, with a strength of character too powerful to be ignored. He was not just comfortable in his position of authority as he was obviously unable to act in any other way than as a leader. His stoic figure and always so contained in a wall of indifference made you want to ruffle his hair to see if you could remove any emotion. And being a girl who hasn't always liked leaders, Kaz Brekker was a huge temptation. Few moments had been better than those that you managed to piss him off beyond what he could handle.

However, all the reasons why the two of you were so exasperating for each other, did not explain why the air crackled in ambiguity when your eyes met. The hemisphere was adorned in a thought-provoking, poignant veil, like a warm honey flowing down its throat, and there was something else in the way blood flowed like flames of fire through veins of you two.

Jesper said that the sexual tension between you was so tangible that it could be cut by one of Inej's knives, but you refused to think of Kaz that way. At least until that moment.

Not pure images of what the infamous Brekker could do to you between four walls swept you like the strong Arabian wind. Making you be surprisingly breathless. Kaz was not a man whose private life was exposed, nor was he involved with many women, but you have heard two or three of them when they were drunk saying that Kaz Brekker in the room could be incendiary.

Everyone knew that his touch reserve didn't limit him to anything, but that his job was at the top of the priority list and that sexual encounters were almost never on that list.

"It was not my fault!” Jesper defended himself one night, slightly drunk, sitting at the club's round table next to the other crows “I didn't know he was married to another man! That damn pretty face seduced me!”

"Did he seduce you?" You asked, skeptical and playful.

"I swear to God! And it had been a long time since I had sex with anyone, and I went… ”

“But you did sex last week." Inej laughed, chocked.

"Exactly!" Jesper said, as if he were obvious.

You laughed with your beer glass in your hand, taking another sip.

“Is a week a long time to not sleep with anyone?" Matthias retorted, trying not to laugh.

“Are you going to tell me that is not?” Jesper and Nina spoke at the same time.

“If a man has time for sex more than once a week, he clearly doesn't have much to do. And I'm sure I gave Jesper a lot of tasks that would keep him busy.” Kaz narrowed his eyes at his friend, and Jesper hid his guilt behind the rim of his beer glass, looking to the side.

"So you are saying that you are a very busy man?" You teased, trying not to laugh at the scathing look Kaz sent you.

"I disagree. The values ​​of hard work and discipline cannot match the hot body of a woman in bed.” Matthias said, exchanging a brief conspiratorial look with Nina, who winked at him.

"There are more important things." Said Kaz.

"Like what?" You rested your chin on the back of the hand whose elbow was on the table, the playful look of a rebellious student.

"Progress." Kaz held your gaze.

He wasn't going to take your bait. But you didn't give up easy.

"Tell me, if God gave you a deal: all the hunger in the world would be extinguished in exchange for you never being able to have sex again, what would you choose?" your eyes had a teasing feline glow.

At that moment, Kaz felt a shiver up the back of his neck, like a warm breath of autumn. Something crawled, like a snake, across his rib cage and down to his groin, pumping blood like fire through his veins.

He held your gaze, but the feline glow in your eyes promised to contain the most ardent sins. Suddenly, Kaz's mind was flooded by the wave of obscene images of you, on his bed; moaning, squirming, shouting his name and being very obedient with every order he gave you.

He would make you such a good girl...

"I don't believe in God." He replied succinctly, the predator's eyes still in your eyes audacious feline's.

A big, satisfied smile spread across your face, and you said: "As I thought. Bad luck for hungry people.”

Realizing that he had fallen right into your cunning trap, Kaz got rid of your diabolical magnetism and cursed.

“I didn't say…” he stopped, impatient “It doesn't matter. I have more important things to do than waste time here.”

But the smile you hid behind the glass was noticeable to Kaz.

After that night, the crackling, gasping flame that circled the two of you intensified to alarming levels. Kaz could feel you holding your breath when he was too close, and you could see him squeezing his cane harder when you sweetened your voice for him.

However, regardless of Kaz's wanted to fold you at a table and put an end to your brat girl pose, enjoying the groans he was sure you would let out, the two of you still fought like dog and cat.

Just as it was now.

“What do you mean, I'm not going?!” You looked at Kaz, amazed, when he told you that you would not participate in the robbery that week “I know that security system like the back of my hand!”

It was true, what you had of stubbornness, you had of technological intelligence. There was no computer that you would not hack, a program that you would not hack, and a system that you would not unlock. Your genius with technology made up for all your lack of obedience.

But Kaz ignored. “I've already told you. It's a more dangerous mission than you're used to and we don't have time for the plans you come up with right away.” He needled you.

“Are you referring to Switzerland?” You were never anything short of direct and inquiring. It was logical that you would question every orden. “But I already told you that when the alarm went off your plan didn't work anymore! I was more useful inside to deactivate the alarm than waiting outside.”

And stubborn. Holy God, how stubborn you were!

"And it cost you to get shot."

"But it was just a shot!"

Kaz looked at you, puzzled. “Just?! And wasn't it enough ?! You put the whole team at risk!”

“But if I hadn't deactivated the alarm, we would all be arrested! And only I knew how to do that!”

"My fucking God, isn't there a speck of common sense in you?!"

But you answered boldly: "Not when you impose clueless plans on me."

Mortified would be an understatement to describe how he was now. What an unbearable creature! Kaz felt the anger spread from his neck to his face, igniting his breath and squinting his eyes in annoyance.

Why was it so difficult for you to follow a simple goddamn rule?!

“Besides, your initial plan was flawed and there was no reason for me to be out when it was necessary inside and...” And you kept talking!

If you had noticed Kaz's completely enraged state in front of you, you would have been scared, shut up and ran. But, truth be told, Kaz suspected that even if you knew how to read the murderous humor in his eyes, you wouldn't have left that office. Much less be afraid. You could argue with the demon. And you would probably beat him out of tiredness.

However, regardless of the desire to shake you up, to see if that put any good sense in you, in that second, watching you gesture with your hands, defending your point of view as if it were the england queen's crown, something swept Kaz's body from the top of his head with dark hair to the tips of his illustrated boots.

The sound of the world was drowned out by the flow of blood itself in his veins. His heart hammered hard in his chest and, in that instant, a sharp sting in his groin and the pit of his stomach set him on fire.

His gaze went down to your mouth, which kept moving. And when it came up to your eyes, your stubborn and defiant gaze sent Kaz's rationality into space. He dropped the cane abruptly, which toppled to the floor with a hollow crack, and advanced towards you in firm and determined steps.

Gluing his gloved hands to your face, Kaz silenced all your protests with a strong kiss. Hot, fiery, domineering. The kind of kiss that held years of camouflaged desire, years of irritability, years of an unnerving desire to make you shut up with all the perverse forms that existed.

You weren't afraid of him. But you should. You should if you knew everything he wanted to do with you.

However, as if you have been burning in the same desire for years, you responded to that kiss with the same urgency. The same hunger. Kaz slipped his hands into your hair, closing his fingers there and deepening the kiss with ferocity. He felt beside himself, like a hungry wild animal that had been denied food for years and that only now had its teeth set on its prey. You moaned against his lips, bringing your hands to his lean, strong biceps, squeezing your fingers there.

You both needed air, but neither seemed to give a damn about that. Misted of desire that burned like a fire in their bodies, Kaz pushed the two of you backwards, slamming your back against the wall and swinging a frame beside. You gasped, and the gesture made it possible for Kaz to invade your mouth with his tongue, hunting every piece of hot meat. You two fought the same battle in that kiss: invade, dominate, conquer.

They both wanted to take the waltz, but Kaz would never let you conduct the show.

He pulled your wrists up, pinning them with one hand against the wall, leaving you immobile while sinking his mouth further into yours. Kaz felt you try to get rid of his tight grip, but he was stronger than you. And much more when he have a objective.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He murmured against your mouth, the tip of his tongue playing with your bottom lip. “You know I don’t like to be teased.”

Was impossible for you to control the loud moan that escaped. Your body trembling with desire, your legs wobbly, your wet core vibrating with his words. Kaz Brekker was a fallen angel. With a beauty and charm you've never been immune to.

How can you think you'd win the dominance game with him?

And, like the fallen angel he was, his smug and arrogant smile painted the corner of his lips when he saw what his lines did to you.

“I didn’t know you were so sensitive.” Kaz mocked “If I knew it was only necessary to do this for you to shut up...” he brought his lips closer, his voice hitting yours “I would have fucked you like the naughty brat you have been a long time.”

If his caustic and maddening kisses hadn't been enough to break you in half, that statement would have done all the work.

In that second, you hoisted your white flag, biting your lip in a needy moan and closing your eyes for a second by the overwhelming vibration of your core. God, you needed more. Whatever he gave you. Anything he wanted to give you. You just needed more.

"Are you going to be good?" He played with the dough you were in his hands, his devilish mouth going down your neck, leaving a trail of fire and debris wherever he went.

You agreed, desperately. “Yes, Sir."

That title seemed to do things with Kaz. Because in the next second, his mouth was back on your. More urgent, more needy, more dominating. You shifted your hips for more friction with his, and Kaz rewarded your obedience by pulling one of your thighs forward, making your skirt go up, aligning your thigh on his hips and giving access for his member to fit perfectly against your pulsating core.

You moaned louder this time. Fingers clenching, heart pumping frantically. Kaz pulled his lips away from you for a second, taking his hand off your thigh and bringing it to your mouth.

“Pull.” He ordered, referring to the glove.

You murmured a low, excited moan, bringing your mouth to the glove and clenching your teeth on the cloth at the top of his middle finger. Satisfied, Kaz pulled his hand back, watching the alabaster skin peel away from the leather fabric. As soon as he was free, he removed the glove from your mouth, replacing it with his own and stealing all your breath in that fiery kiss.

His free hand wandered over your thigh, touching you for the first time with a touch that promised to show you all the most delicious and secret sins in the world. His tongue wrapped around your again, and the moan you let out was even greater when his long fingers brushed against your wet, throbbing core.

"S-sir!" You sobbed, your hips rocking against his hand, desperate for more.

"Look at you." His fire voice beat against your lips, the tightness against your wrists getting stronger, more possessive "I’ ve only started using my fingers and you ’re already shaking"

Your body cried out in unbridled desire, sobs mingling with loud moans and heavy sighs as Kaz tormented you with his fingers. He touched you, slid, opened and sank, increasing the volume of your pleas.

“P-please" You begged, the body in need, the urge too urgent.

Kaz looked you in the eye, a dark, malicious gleam burning in his Egyptian blue irises. "Such a needy little thing, aren't you?" He teased you.

But you no longer cared about his teasing. With your lips swollen and red, your heart racing and the core pulsing in despair on his experienced fingers, you were already surrendered.

"Please. I n-need." You mumbled submissively, rummaging your hips in his hand.

"I bet if I wanted to fuck you against my desk, here and now, you would be very happy to do it, wouldn't you?"

He was foisting all of his dominance on you, bending you to your knees for him. And you knew that. You knew he was taking years of anger out on you. But you couldn't care less. You wanted him. Ardently. Desperately. And if it was a good girl Kaz wanted, damn it, you would be a good girl for him.

You readily agreed, your eyes shining in supplication.

“Good.” Kaz pulled you brutally off the wall, turning you over to the table and pushing your chest against the icy wood, pulling your hips at him. “Because that's exactly what is going to happen.”

Suddenly, desire and hunger roared like a wild beast. Kaz watched you, bent over his desk, obedient, surrendered, offering every inch of your body to him.

His breath was burning in his throat and it was no longer possible to order his thoughts, contain his euphoria. He would fuck you so hard that it would make that memory the only thought when you remembered him. When you dare to rebut his orders.

Kaz pulled you skirt up and your panties down, letting out a groan that sounded more like a growl as he saw your wet core. Pulsing and desperate for him. For anything he wanted to give you. It sparked a fervent desire that Brekker had never felt in his life, devastating any possibility of thinking about anything other than fucking you.

Playing with your fingers in your slick, wet folds, you whimpered again, the core pulsing whenever he teased you inside, pressing his fingertips there but never entering.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" His voice came over the top of your shoulder, hoarse, animalistic, full of profane desires.

"Please." You were quick to beg “I do what you want! But just...please, please… ”

You already felt your eyes watering from over-stimulation, your heart burning so hard it was beating, your core aching from emptiness.

You sealed the end of the game between you. Kaz had won. In a triumphant checkmate.

And you didn't have to beg again. Barely seeing when he unbuttoned his pants, you just reasoned his hard, hot, pulsating member by opening your from the inside. Claiming everything that was yours as his in a strong, desperate, hungry lunge.

"S-sir!" You screamed, your nails scraping the wood from the table, the core pulsing overwhelmingly around his rigid member.

In a more badly lunge, Kaz sank completely into you, moaning loudly as he hit rock bottom. The gloved hand slid over your shoulder, propelled you to him while the bare hand tightened on your waist, hitting you at a steady, raw, animalistic rhythm.

The sounds were pornographic, dirty and loud, echoing off the walls. The air was hot like molten lava, pungent and muffled, driving you two lost breath. Their bodies clashed as if the world was going to end tomorrow, in aggressive, rough thrusts. These were thrusts that made half of his things on the table fall to the floor, mixing in a mess that would serve as a reminder later about the sinful activities you two did.

You screamed when Kaz took on more force, his fingers squeezing you so hard that they would leave you with marks on your shoulder and waist the next day.

"Fucking hell!" Kaz snarled between his teeth, feeling your flesh throb around him, squeezing he with such desperation that he knew you were close.

You sobbed, tears streaming down the corners of your eyes as you pushed your ass towards him, trying to bring him as deep as possible, as deep inside you as possible. But every time his pelvis smashed into your ass, a loud moan and the feeling of being completely full drowned you.

You begged, pleaded, for something you didn't know. But Kaz seemed to know. Taking both hands to your hips, your pace became even more unperturbed, pushing you to the limit until you cum in a scream in his name, your lungs on fire. Kaz came close behind, sinking as deep as possible and pouring all the hot liquid into you. Almost like a brand.

The air was filled with sex, lust and desire, filled only by the sound of their ragged breaths that struggled to stabilize.

You were still panting when Kaz's voice came after you: "Whatever I want, don't I?"

A deal with the devil.

[tacticaldiary]

Wounded

Pairing: Reader x Kaz Brekker

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

He would fight his revulsion a thousand times over if it mean she kept living. Besides, he doesn’t think she’d appreciate bleeding out in a warehouse as the cause of her death.

A/N: My first work for the Six Of Crows fandom! Enjoy!

Masterlist

The sounds of the door clanging shut makes her wince, as does the deadbolt Kaz drags to secure it. Startled by the sudden silence, Y/N takes a moment to survey the dimly lit room, squinting to get rid of the contrast form just being outside. 

Kaz seems to have brought them both of a linen warehouse, seemingly abandoned. While he secures the door, Y/N leans against the nearest adjacent wall, finally allowing herself a small, quiet groan. 

She can feel the blood seeping into her undershirt, cleverly hidden by her jacket wrapped high around her waist. She could not, would not let Kaz know. She wouldn’t be the reason they delayed this job any further. 

It was supposed to be a simple job, in and out of a new merch’s house, valuable in tow. Unfortunately for them, the Stadwatch soldiers had made some sudden adjustments to their patrol courses and they’d been spotted.

Handing off their spoils to Jesper and Inej, the group of four split up, ducking into a nearby alley. She recalls the shouts of the soldiers, the gunshots pinging off the dingy alley walls, and the hot, searing pain against her side as one of the bullets grazed her. 

To her credit, she’s hid it well so far. Injuries are nothing new in the Barrel, not with their choice of activities, but now that the adrenaline is wearing off, the pain in her side is slowly becoming more and more prominent.

“We’ll be safe here for a while.” Kaz’s voice makes her jump a little, and she’s thankful his back is still to her, giving her the time to truly straighten up and collect herself. “We’ll wait until they make their next round and slip by them.”

She nods, watching him finally turn around. Her breath hitches a little when his eyes meet hers, as dark as usual. She keeps his gaze for a while, the silence between them not heavy, but still. 

“They...make their rounds every 15 minutes.” She finally says, breaking the silence and the eyes contact. She lets her eyes drift over to the piles of folded, dust covered linen stacked in the corner. 

If it had been anyone else, they wouldn’t have noticed, but alas, Kaz isn’t ‘no one’. His eyes never leave her. Ignoring her statement for the new revelation he’s just discovered, he lets his gaze trail over her body, from her head to her toes, stopping at various points. 

Y/N shiver under his gaze, feeling warm. The thunk of his cane as he places it against the saem wall she’s standing prompts her to look at him again. 

His eyes are hard and firm when he speaks. 

“Take it off.”

“Excuse me?” Her face goes hot at how blunt he is. Kaz tilts his head and steps closer, glancing down to her side. Her right side. “There’s no need.” She knows it’s useless to deny it. She was an idiot for thinking she could sneak this past Kaz Brekker. He was too observant for his own good.

“you’re hurt. I’m not having one of my crew members drop because she was stupid enough to bleed out in a linen warehouse.” His voice is hard, but she can sense something else, a hint of worry. 

“Take it off, or I’ll do it for you.”

She struggles with herself for a second, before shaking her head with a sigh. Gingerly, she unwinds the jacket from her waist and lets it drop to the ground.

Kaz’s expression changes. It’s a slight change, but she can see the new tension in his jaw, the way his frown sets. It hurts to turn her body, so she opts to glance down instead. 

“I...I didn’t realise it was that bad.” She admits. There’s a lot more blood than she thought there would be. 

“I can tell.” He replies dryly.

She slowly lifts the bottom of her shirt about a quarter way up until the wound is visible. The bullet clearly came out the other side, but that still doesn’t make it any less gruesome. Suddenly overcome by a wave of dizziness, she slumps back against the wall further. She sighs and makes herself sit down, back against the wall

Kaz’s eyes widen slightly in something akin to alarm and she watches as his gaze shifts around the room, taking inventory. He walks over to one of the linen piles, shaking loose one of the folded sheets. The loud rip of fabric does little to distract her from her pain.

“Your Saints must be on your side.” Kaz says, holding a long piece of cloth. She sees him approach her, then stop until he’s standing in front of her. She notes the way he blinks, fighting off some sort of hesitance. Before he can make a decision, Y/N nods and leans forward with a wince, grabbing the cloth from him with a wince. 

She makes sure their hands, hers bare and his gloved, don’t brush. She does not know the reasons, but she’s aware he doesn’t like to be touched. She wouldn't make him.

Kaz stays where he is, watching as she shuffles forward grabbing one end of the cloth. He watches as she takes a deep breath and aligns the fabric to her wound. He watches as she turns to press down on the cloth, attempting to wrap it around her side behind her.

He watches as she bows her head and pauses, stifling a small noise of pain. It hurts to move and she has to stop for a second to steady herself, to steel her mind. 

He can watch this no longer. 

She doesn’t hear him kneel down, doesn’t here the hitch in his breath, but startles when she feel his gloved hand brush against her own, taking the fabric from her shaking hands. 

Her eyes fly open and when she looks up, she sees him looking at her bare side, at the wound. He’s so close to her. Y/N takes a breath and finds her voice.

“Kaz, I can do it. Just-...”

“You’ll pass out before you manage to finish.” He cuts her off, and there’s a barely recognisable edge to his voice. She recognises it as uncertainty. She would try to dissect it further, but right at that moment, Kaz presses the cloth against her wound. 

Hard.

She throws her head back in surprise and sudden pain, her head banging against the wall behind her. Kaz doesn’t move aside from straightening out the cloth. He glances up once to make sure she hasn’t cracked her skull open, before moving back down. 

“Saints, could’ve...warned me, Kaz.” She breathes. 

“You’ve got to put pressure on it. The dread would’ve made it hurt more.” He responds. Now recovered, Y/N can focus on his voice again and it seems more breathy than she’s ever heard it. The pain against her side is throbbing and sharp, but there’s also something else she feels. 

With a start, she realises that Kaz’s hand in trembling. His face is as impassive as ever, maybe his eyes are slightly too wide, but his hand against her side is trembling. His breathing is a tad bit too fast too. 

Before she can open her mouth to ask, Kaz glances up to meet her eyes. She holds his gaze for a second, before nodding. 

Kaz winds the cloth around his hand and wraps it around her side, over and over again.

He has to lean forward when he’s passing the cloth behind her, his chin hovering above her shoulder, their chests almost touching. She can feel his breath on the crook of her neck, goosebumps breaking out onto her skin. 

The blood on her hands isn’t the only thing that’s red. 

While he’s bandaging her, she notices how each time his hand passes over her waist, it brushes closer, lingers a second longer. It’s like he’s gaining more confidence as the movements continue. 

With a last pass around her, he ties a tight knot, securing it in place. 

She doesn’t mention how it takes a few tries to get the knot right, thanks to the way his hands are still shaking. 

He finishes his work...but he doesn’t move away. There’s something on his mind, and his eyes are fixed on the knot he’s tied, on the small sliver of bare skin still visible through the white makeshift bandage. 

“Kaz?” She speaks, low and quiet, and it’s enough to bring him back. “Thanks.” 

“Better alive than dead.” He says after clearing his throat. 

There’s something there between them. The two of them are sitting in front of each other and there’s something almost tangible between them. It’s a sort of pull that they have to work hard not to fall for. 

Y/N knows if she tried to touch him abruptly, things wouldn’t end well for either of them. Kaz finds himself wondering how she would feel under his hands, his hands as bare as her side was. He’s itching to reach out and find out, but the pleasant thought of running his hands over her waist again, with more meaning than tending to a wound clashes with the faint nausea rolling through his stomach. It’s not awkward, but the silence is charged with something neither of them can act up to. 

Fortunately, neither of them have to face the complex problem just yet. The sounds of footsteps and chatter brings them back to their current situation with a snap. 

Guards. Merch house. Jesper and Inej. 15 minutes. 

Right. 

Y/N sits up, testing her bindings by moving her arms, while Kaz hauls himself to his feet and grab his cane. It collides with the ground with a soft thunk.

Once she’s satisfied with the knowledge of how far she can move and twist her body, a gloved hand comes into view. 

She smiles and takes his hand, and he pulls her to her feet. When she stumbles, he steadies her by tightening his grip on her hand. 

His touch lingers a little while after she’s steady, something desperate and selfish and almost longing. Together, they slip out of the back exit. She pretends not to notice the way his eyes snap back to her more often than usual as they melt into the darkness of another alley together.  

Requests Are Open!

(04/02/2022)

[in-my-feels-probably]

Bet On It - Kaz Brekker

Kaz Brekker x Reader

Bet On It

Request - Can I request a Kaz Brekker imagine where the reader is a Crow and she and Kaz love each other but she isn’t certain of his feelings until the night she comes back to the Slat after a mission for Kaz to find that Kaz took care to protect and look after a merchant’s preteen son when the merchant’s son came to the Crow Club looking for her after he was attacked because Kaz knows she's like a big sister to the merchant’s son since his parents neglect him? Thank you in advance!

Hey! I hope this is what you were looking for, I really liked this idea, thank you for the request.

@ofrosesandteacups

---

You were headed back towards the Slat after finishing a job Kaz had sent you on. You complained, but begrudgingly accepted. Kaz had been acting weird around you recently, he seemed to be distancing himself, and you hated it. You’d never admit it to anyone else, but you really cared about him. Apparently it was pretty obvious, considering Jesper would nonstop tease you about it and try to embarrass you around Kaz.

He’d say something like, “What? I’m just increasing your odds with him. I’d even bet on it that he likes you too.”

You weren’t so sure, though. Kaz had never been an affectionate person, but you’d catch him staring sometimes, or you’d suddenly have something lying on your bed you complained to Inej about needing to get. You knew it was Kaz, and you knew it was his way of showing that he cared about his Crows. Still though, you were unsure about how he really felt about you.

Shaking it off, you headed into the Slat, making your way towards your room, when Jesper stopped you.

“That kid is here again, he came in here pretty banged up, I sent him to your room because I thought you were here.”

He was talking about a merchant’s son, who had never told you his name. You deemed him Bub, something you called Wylan a lot sarcastically when he first joined. He reminded you a lot of Wylan, actually. Young, with a shitty father, always seeming to get himself in some sort of trouble. It would be annoying if he wasn’t a nice kid to be around. He couldn’t have been older than 13 or so, and you couldn’t imagine why his father would let him walk around the Barrel in nice clothes like that, he’s bound to get jumped.

“Oh, shit, ok, can you tell Kaz I’m back and that it went fine? I gotta go check on the kid.” You began making your way up the stairs, when Jesper caught your wrist.

“Actually, Kaz is up there right now. I saw him slip into your office, he said something about not letting the kid bleed all over his floors. Go on, go see your boyfriend, check on your kid. Also, I told you I was betting on it.”

“Shut up, Jesper,” you had said, but you were grinning to yourself, making your way up the stairs. You walked into your room to see Kaz on the edge of your bed, bad leg resting up on it, and the kid sitting in the chair across from him, ice pressed to his temple, random unused bandages on the table next to him. You would have to put those on for him, knowing Kaz wouldn’t have been able to. You glanced thankfully at Kaz, before making your way to the kid.

“Hey Bub, what happened? I’m sorry I wasn’t here, I had to go do a few things.” You did your best to sound comforting and inviting, a tone Kaz wasn’t used to hearing from you. You missed how Kaz’s eyes softened watching you with the kid, a look of uncomfortableness being replaced with adoration.

“Got jumped...tried to fight back, got my ass handed to me.” He said sheepishly as you began wiping away some of the blood and grime, cleaning him up. Kaz darkly chuckled at that.

“That’s the spirit, kid. I assume you’ve got this from here, Y/N?” You nodded, and Kaz stood, heading out the door to his room. Your eyes lingered towards the door, when the kid spoke up.

“He likes you, you know. He didn’t say much, but he told me about where you were, why you were gone. I don’t think he realized it, but he would get this look in his eye every time he said your name. Like he was picturing you for the first time, remembering your face. It was cute, but I won’t lie, I was very weirded out. I didn’t think he could feel any other emotion besides rage and annoyance.”

Your face heated up, a smile making its way onto your face. “Stop it. Let’s get you cleaned up, and I’ll make up a room for you, ok? You’re not going back home tonight, not without one of us taking you, and I don’t think any of us are up to walking through Dime Lion turf this late at night.

You cleaned up his face, bandaged what you could, scanning his body for any visible injury, and then brought him to the spare room. “Go ahead and wash up, relax, I’ll bring up some of Jesper’s old clothes and some food later.”

You closed the door behind you, now standing in the middle of the hallway. Taking a deep breath, you knocked on Kaz’s door.

“Come in.” Sighing, you stepped inside, shutting the door behind you. He hadn’t glanced up from his papers yet.

“You took him in. You’ve never even acknowledged his presence, and you actually took the time to make sure he was ok? Jesper’s here, he could have taken over, he likes the kid. Why did you? Not that I’m complaining, I really appreciate it, but why?”

He had glanced up now, staring at your position in front of his desk, twiddling with your thumbs. He stared a minute, trying to find the right thing to say. It was now or never.

“I know how much he means to you...and that means something to me.” He finally spit out.

A small smile made its way to your lips. Kaz’s eyes lit up, and you knew in that moment exactly why he took the kid in, why he was acting the way he was recently around you. You reached over and grabbed his cane, watching his eyes widen with uncertainty. You tapped the end to his ankle, something he often did to you as a sign of appreciation. A small blush appeared on his cheeks, his eyes no longer meeting yours. You seemed to be the only one that could bring out such a boyish reaction in him.

“Thank you, Kaz.” He only nodded, a light sparkle in his eye.

You grinned again, and made your way out of his room to check up on the kid. Jesper was in the hallway, a smirk on his face.

“I told you so. I even bet on it.”

---

Thank you so much for the request, I really liked this one. Feel free to leave any requests for any other characters or scenarios, and thank you for the support! Also, a new chapter of Ineffable will be up soon, and both of these will be on my masterlist as well as my Wattpad.

[persephones-wren]

heyy! Could I request a Kaz brekker and reader fic where shes really sensitive and kind and the opposite of him and they're dating but he seems to be spending more time with inej planning a heist and reader gets jealous and during the heist she saved inej from a bullet, getting hurt in the process and tells Kaz,in a delirious state, that shes happy she saved inej for him and everyone helps him plan a picnic for her while shes healing and suprises her? Its quite a long request but it would be wonderful if you wrote it!! thanks💕

Ends of the Earth (Kaz Brekker x Reader)

Hope you enjoy reading! I had a lot of fun writing it :)

Warnings: reader gets shot, that's about it?

Genre: Angst to (minimal) Fluff

Word Count: 2126

You’re not sure how you could have ever expected him to return what you felt for him.

You and Kaz were essentially opposites- he was a hardened criminal, you were more of a person who just ran with the wrong people. He was mean and commanding, you were sweet and endearing. Where he’d kill people with no hesitation, you’d probably be torn over it for the rest of your life.

Though the Barrel seemed to have no room for someone as kind as you, you had found yourself to fit fine along with rest as someone to watch over the rest. Your skill of memorization was appreciated when Kaz needed to reflect back on a certain part of the plan, and besides, having someone counteract his cruelty was appreciated by the others.

Sometimes, like now, it was hard to be a part of the Crows. Watching Inej stand by his side, watching them work together like well-oiled parts of the same machine, it was bittersweet. You couldn’t help the jealousy that overtook you, but kindness was ingrained in you. You couldn’t hate him. You couldn’t hate Inej.

“So we’ll take them out there. Inej, I’m going to need your backup here.” His voice snaps you back into the moment.

“Got it.” She nods.

“Before then, though, You’ll be stationed here. Y/N, I’m going to want you to stick close to her. She can fight for the both of you in case anything goes wrong.”

You’re useless, you berate yourself. You’re going to need Inej to save you. Maybe if you could defend yourself the way she could, he’d like you more.

“Understood.”

“That should wrap everything up. We’ll meet at the usual spot tonight. We’ll take transport there and sneak in. From there, everything should go according to plan.”

…

Night quickly falls, and you’re all gathered.

“To reiterate, I’m going to go grab the paintings. Inej and Y/N, stick together and communicate when it’s safe. Jesper, you’re going to shoot out the lights when signaled, and make sure that carriages are ready when it’s time. Wylan, wait it out here with him. If all goes to shit, blow this place. Clear?”

Echoes of agreement echo from around you, and you nod. This should be an easy heist.

“Y/N, c’mon. Let’s head over this way.”

Inej takes your wrist and leads you to the edge of the building. Her stare is intimidating as she surveys the building, before turning back to you.

“I’ll scale the walls, and then I’ll use the rope to pull you up. We can wait on the top of the building for a bit, before slipping in through a window. That okay?”

Damn her for even being considerate to you. And you still have the nerve to be jealous over her. Her and Kaz are so similar- they’d be perfect for each other.

You still can’t find it in your heart to be completely happy about that.

“Y/N? You alright?”

“Huh?” you snap out of your reverie, and give a bashful smile. “Yeah, that’s good. I’ll spot you. Hopefully I’ll be able to get up there…”

Inej throws you a reassuring smile back. “You’ll be okay.”

You watch with awe as she scales the building with no issue, truly living up to the nickname she had been given. She’s nearly invisible as she reaches the top, you note. She’s incredible.

You wait on the ground patiently as Inej lowers the rope, before you hear voices.

You stare up at her, wide-eyed, before running and diving behind a tree.

“The wine good tonight?”

It’s a guard. Your heart rate quickens, and bring a hand over your mouth. Quiet your breathing. If they catch you, you’re dead, and you’ll be the dead weight of this mission.

“I don’t know, haven’t had a drink yet. Maybe once everyone’s gone. Ha! The Stadwatch won't penalize me if there’s no guests to guard!”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit! All we have to make sure is no scum tries to steal the painting.”

“Like anybody would dare show their face here.”

The other guard laughs, and you wait with baited breath as they finally round the corner.

You check both directions, before you quietly slip out.

“Inej?” you’re quiet and slightly shaken. Death and capture was always palpable on these missions, but it had come swinging at you quicker than you had expected. “You still there?”

“Yeah,” her voice comes from above. “I’m here. You’re fast on your feet. Good thinking.”

“Thank you, and thank you for waiting.”

The rope drops down for the second time, and you take a hold of it, pulling yourself up with a bit of her help. Your hands finally grasp the ledge of the building, and Inej extends one of her hands to help pull you up. You’re hauled onto the rooftop, and though it’s a bit ungraceful, you’re okay.

“Thanks,” you whisper.

“No problem.”

Your eyes are both directed on the walkways below.

“You scout out for guards down there, and I’ll check for guards in the windows? We should signal to Kaz soon.”

“Sure.”

You keep a careful eye down below, hearing Inej scurry to different window points. You watch as she slips to one of them, peering through.

“Just our luck,” she mutters cheerfully. “This window’s fine. Let’s open it. I’ll go first, but send a flare for Kaz. I’m going to need that window open as soon as that flare goes up.”

“Alright.” You take a deep breath, before shooting the flare off. Inej thrusts open the window and pulls you in behind her.

You watch a figure walk past the doorway. That should be Kaz, and now, he should be slipping past you to go to the next doorway to take the painting-

“To the roof again, now-” Inej says, and starts to step out behind the boxes, and the figure turns back.

That’s not Kaz.

A click.

She’s going to be shot.

You’re acting on pure impulse and nerves when you shove her aside, and the bullet pierces through your shoulder. You crumble, and Inej tries to keep you from completely collapsing.

You grit your teeth. You’re trying not to let tears stream down your face, but everything hurts and Inej is over you and she’s saying something but you can’t hear her-

You try to force yourself to sit up, and you see a cane poised to hit the guard over the head. You turn away, and thank your murky hearing that you can’t hear the scream that emits from the guard.

Kaz.

“What happened?” His voice is losing it’s cool quickly.

“She was shot by the guard, I don’t think she’s quite registering it-” Inej’s voice is more panicked, but she forces herself to be analytical. “She’s going to need treatment, and quickly.”

“Okay,” he breathes in sharply. “Okay. Go down the hall, grab the paintings, and meet Jesper by the transportation. I’ll get her out.”

“Okay.”

Inej dashes down the hall, and he takes in your state. Your pupils are blown wide, and you’re trying not to cry, but it hurts.

“Kaz,” you breathe out. “Thank the Saints. Is Inej okay?”

He frowns at that. What about Inej? Inej was fine, you’d been shot. Did you have no self-preservation instincts?

“Inej is fine,” he mutters.

“That’s good,” you sigh out. “That’s good. I don’t quite think I’m going to make it out here alive, so just in case I don’t, I love you. Though I’m glad she’s okay, for your sake.”

His frown deepens. “I’m sorry? For my sake?”

“You’re in love with her. She with you. You guys can live your happy ending. As happy as the Barrel can get, anyway.” Your smile is slightly delirious, and he knows you’re not thinking rationally.

“Stop talking.”

“I’m sorry, are you mad at me? Please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t-” you cough, “think I’d die, but if it’s for you and Inej, then I think it’s worth it.”

“Nobody is worth your life,” he nearly yells. “You’re not going to die, Y/N. I won’t allow it.”

“Please, just let me stay here. They’re going to find you if you don’t.” “I don’t care.”

He’s pulling off his jacket and carefully using it as a tourniquet for your shoulder.

“Can you walk?”

“Kaz, please-”

“Can you walk.” It’s a statement, maybe a threat.

“Maybe- maybe with a bit of support,” your words are weak. You’re running out of time. “The world looks sideways, though- face it, Kaz, I’m not going to make it. I don’t want to be dead weight, your touch aver-”

“I’m not going to combust into fucking flames if you lean on me! Goddamnit, let me help you!”

His anger startles you. You hold back more tears as he pulls you up. At least he took the care to pull you up by the other arm. “Okay.”

The world is spinning and his face isn’t clear, and time seems to speed up as both of you go through the hallways, finally meeting Jesper and Inej in the courtyard.

“Bloody hell,” Jesper mutters.

“Go. To the White Rose. Nina should be able to do something.” Kaz leaves no room for argument. You’re passed out now, and he’s almost thankful you can’t feel anything as the carriage rushes through harsh weather and bumpy roads.

I don’t quite think I’m going to make it out here alive, so just in case I don’t, I love you.

Were you that oblivious? Did you think he was in love with Inej? How could you be so blind?

How could you sacrifice yourself so he could live what you thought to be a “happy ending”?

You didn’t plan it, did you?

He carefully takes off one of his gloves, hovering his hand over your forehead.

You’re still warm.

He doesn’t believe in Saints, but now, he’s almost praying to them that you’ll be okay.

Please be okay.

...

Inej glances at Kaz, standing over her in the White Rose.

She’s been out for days at this point. Nina could only do so much, with whatever corpse-like power she’d gained. The rest had to be natural healing.

Inej clears her throat. “She’d go to the ends of the world for you. For your happiness.” Kaz remains still.

“Don’t make her do so again.”

..

Your eyes flutter open, the brightness of the room nearly rendering you blind.

Your shoulder hurts like a bitch, but besides that, you’re alive.

Happiness and heaviness fill your heart at once. You’re alive, you’re okay. What had you said to Kaz in your state?

Hopefully nothing stupid.

“You’re awake. I’m glad.”

Kaz’s voice comes from the edge of the room. He’s leaning on the wall, cane in hand. When was Kaz upfront with his emotions?

“Yeah. How long was I out for?”

“A couple of days.”

“Days?” Your voice cracks. “I didn’t think it was that bad.”

That’s a lie. You thought you were dead, for sure. He doesn’t have to know that.

“...Right.” He’s skeptical, but pushes himself off the wall and makes his way over to you. “This may be a bit early, but would you want to go for a walk?”

“Sure.” Is he kicking you out of the Crows? Why would he want to go on a walk just after you’ve woken up? You’re screwed.

He waits for you to stand, and then you’re both walking side by side, into the gardens of the courtyard. He doesn’t say anything, just leads you to a small place under an apple tree. A picnic blanket is spread out, with a small basket laying on top of it.

Your eyes widen in surprise, and a brief smile flashes across his face. “Nice, isn’t it?”

“Kaz- what is all of this?”

“You said you loved me.”

Horror paints across your face, and you lower your head in shame. “I’m sorry, I didn’t, I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry, I know you love Inej, that- was a bit unprompted of me, I’m sorry-”

He blinks at your rushed words. “Y/N. I’m not in love with Inej. She’s part of the Crows, as are you. Though- if you mean it,” he clears his throat, “that you love me- then take this as a surprise first date.”

Your expression morphs into a shy smile. He’s probably not ready to say it back. It doesn’t matter. He feels the same way.

“Happy first date, then.”

You’re both talking and eating, small smiles on both of your faces, a stark contrast to the harsh atmosphere of Ketterdam. It doesn’t matter to him. You’re alive, you’re safe, and you’re with him. You’d go to the end of the world for him. He’d do the same for you.

He loves you.

[hamliet]

The Crows Summon the Sun

Or, Hamliet’s review of Shadow & Bone, which gets a 4.5/5 for enjoyment and a 3.5/5 in terms of writing.

The true heroes of this story and the saviors of the show are the Crows. However, the problem is that the show then has an uneven feel, because the strength of the Crows plotline highlights the weaknesses of the trilogy storyline. But imo, overall, the strengths overshadow (#punintended) the weaknesses. 

I’ll divide the review into the narrative and the technical (show stuff, social commentary), starting with narrative.

Narrative: The Good 

It’s What The Crows Deserve

I went into the show watching it for the Crows; however, knowing that their storyline was intended to be a prequel, I wasn’t terribly optimistic. And while it is a prequel, the characters have complete and full arcs that perfectly set them up for the further development they will have in the books (which I think should be the next season?). Instead of retreading the arcs they’d have in the books, which is how prequels usually go, they had perfect set up for these arcs. It’s really excellent. 

Jesper, Inej, and Kaz are all allowed to be flawed, to have serious conflicts with one another, and yet to love each other. They feel like a found family in the best of ways. Kaz is the perfect selfish rogue; he’s a much more successfully executed Byronic hero than the Darkling, actually. Inej is heroic and her faith is not mocked, yet she too is flawed and her choices are not always entirely justified, but instead left to the audience to ponder (like killing the girl), which is a more mature writing choice that I appreciated. 

Jesper is charming, has a heart of gold despite being a murderer and on the surface fairly greedy, and MILO THE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT GOAT WAS THE BEST THING EVER. I also liked Jesper’s fling with Dima but I felt it could be better used rather than merely establishing his sexuality, like if Jesper and Dima had seen each other one more time or something had come of their tryst for the plot/themes/development of Jesper. 

Nina and Matthias’s backstory being in the first season, instead of in flashbacks, really works because it automatically erases any discomfort of the implications of Nina having falsely accused Matthias that the books start with. We know Nina, we know Matthias, we know their motivations, backgrounds, and why they feel the way we do. It’ll be easy for the audience to root for them without a lot of unnecessary hate springing from misunderstanding Nina (since she’s my favorite). Matthias’s arc was also really strongly executed and satisfyingly tragic. Their plotline was a bit unfortunately disconnected from the rest of the story, but Danielle Gallagan and Callahan Skogman have absolutely sizzling chemistry so I found myself looking forward to their scenes instead of feeling distracted. Also? It’s nice seeing a woman with Nina’s body type as a romantic and powerful character. 

Hamliet Likes Malina Now

Insofar as the trilogy storyline goes, the best change the show made was Mal. He still is the same character from the books, but much more likable. The pining was... a lot (too much in episode 4, I felt) but Malina is a ship I actually enjoyed in the show while I NOTP’d it in the books. Mal has complexity and layers to his motivations (somewhat) and a likable if awkward charm. Archie Renaux was fantastic. 

Ben Barnes is the perfect Aleksandr Kirigan, and 15 year old me, who had the biggest of big crushes on Ben Barnes (first celebrity crush over a decade ago lol), was pretty damn happy lol. He’s magnificantly acted--sympathetic and terrifying, sincerely caring and yet villainous in moments. Story-wise, I think it was smart to reveal his name earlier on than in the books, because it helps with the humanization especially in a visual medium like film. Luda was a fitting (if heartbreaking) backstory, but it is also hard for me to stomach knowing what the endgame of his character is. Like... I get the X-men fallacy thing, but I hope the show gives more kindness to his character than the books did, yet I’m afraid to hold my breath. Just saying that if you employ save the cat, if you directly say you added this part (Luda) to make the character more likable (as the director did) please do not punish the audience for feeling what you intended. 

I also liked the change that made Alina half-Shu. It adds well to her arc and fits with her character, actually giving her motivations (she kinda just wants to be ordinary in a lot of ways) a much more interesting foundation than in the books. Also it’s nice not to have another knock-off Daenerys (looking to you Celaena and book!Alina). Jessie Mei Li does a good job playing Alina’s insecurities and emotions, but... 

Narrative: The Ehhhhhhh

Alina the Lamp

Sigh. Here we go. Alina has little consistent characterization. She’s almost always passive when we see her, yet she apparently punches an officer for calling her a name and this seems to be normal for her, but it doesn’t fit at all with what we know about her thus far. Contradictions are a part of humanity, but it’s never given any focus, so it comes across as inconsistent instead of a flaw or repression. 

I have no idea what Alina wants, beside that she wants to be with Mal, which is fine except I have no idea what the basis of their bond is. Even with like, other childhood friends to lovers like Ren/Nora in RWBY or Eren/Mikasa in SnK, there’s an inciting moment, a reason, that we learn very early on in their story to show us what draws them together. Alina and Mal just don’t have that. There’s the meadow/running away thing, but they were already so close, and why?  Why, exactly? What brought them together? The term “bullies” is thrown around but it isn’t ever explored and it needed to be this season. If I have to deal with intense pining for so many episodes at least give me a foundation for their devotion. You need to put this in the beginning, in the first season. You just do.

A “lamp” character is a common metaphor to describe a bad character: essentially, you could replace the character with a lamp and nothing changes. Considering Alina’s gift is light, it’s a funnily apt metaphor, but it really does apply. Her choices just don’t... matter. She could be a special lamp everyone is fighting over and almost nothing would change. The ironic thing is that everyone treating her like a fancy lamp is exactly the conflict, but it’s never delved into. We’re never shown that Alina is more than a lamp. She never has to struggle because her choices are made for her and information is gifted to her when she needs it. Not making choices protects Alina from consequences and the story gives her little incentive to change that; in fact, things tend to turn out better when she doesn’t make choices (magic stags will arrive). 

Like... let’s look at a few occasions when Alina almost or does make choices. For example, she chooses to (it seems) sleep with Kirigan, but then there’s a convenient knock at the door and Bhagra arrives with key information that changes Alina’s mind instantly despite the fact that Bhagra’s been pretty terrible to her. If you want to write a woman realizing she’s been duped by a cruel man, show her discovering it instead of having the man’s abusive mother tell her when she had absolutely no such suspicions beforehand. There’s no emotional weight there because Alina doesn’t struggle. 

When she is actually allowed to carry out a bad choice, the consequences are handwaved away instead of built into a challenge for her. Like... Alina got her friends killed. More than once. I’m not saying she’s entirely to blame for these but could we show her reacting to it? Feeling any sort of grief? She never mentions Raisa or Alexei after they’re gone, just Mal, and I’m... okay. They were there because of you. Aren’t you feeling anything? Aren’t you sad? The only time Alina brings up her friends’ deaths is to tell Kirigan he killed her friends when they were only there because she burned the maps. She yells at Kirigan for “never” giving her a choice, but she almost never makes any, so why would he? Alina has the gall to lecture Genya about choices, but she herself almost never has to make any. 

Which brings me to another complaint in general: Alina’s lack of care for everyone around her when they’re not Mal, even if they care for her. Marie dies because of her (absolutely not her fault of course) but as far as we know she never even learns about Marie. She certainly doesn’t ever ask about her or Nadia. Alina seems apathetic at best to people, certainly not compassionate or kind. 

The frustrating thing is that there is potential here. Like, it actually makes a lot of psychological sense for an orphan who has grown up losing to be reluctant to care for people outside of her orbit and that she would struggle to believe she can have any say in her destiny (ie make choices). It’s also interesting that a girl who feels like an outsider views others outside her. But the show never offers examines Alina’s psychology with any depth; it simply tells us she’s compassionate when she is demonstrably not, it tells us she makes decisions when it takes magical intervention to do so. It’s a missed opportunity. This does not change between episodes 1 and 8, despite the episodes’ parallel structures and scenes, which unintentionally reinforces that Alina had little real development. 

Inej and ironically Jesper and Kaz embody the concept of “mercy” far better and with far more complexity than Alina does. The Crows have reactions to the loss of people who even betray them (Arken, etc), learn, and course-correct (or don’t) when they are even loosely involved in having strangers die. They’re good characters because they change and learn and have their choices matter. When they kill we see them wrestle with it and what this means even if they are accustomed to doing so. Jesper can’t kill in front of a child. Kaz wonders what his killings do to Inej’s idea of him.

Narrative: The Mixed Bag

Tropes, Themes, Telling vs. Showing

So the show’s themes in the Alina storyline are a mess, as they are in the trilogy too. Tropes are a very valuable way to show your audience what you’re trying to say. They’re utilized worldwide because they resonate with people and we know what to expect from them. The Crows' storyline shows us what it wants us to learn.

Preaching tells, and unfortunately, the trilogy relies on telling/preaching against fornicationBad Boys. It’s your right to write any trope or trample any trope you want--your story--but you should at least understand what/why you are doing so. The author clearly knows enough about Jungian shadows and dark/light yin/yang symbolism to use it in the story, but then just handwaves it away as “I don’t like this” but never does so in a narratively effective way: addressing the appeal in the first place. If you really wanna deconstruct a trope, you gotta empathize with the core of the reason these tropes appeal to people (it allays deep fears that we are ourselves unlovable, through loving another person despite how beastly they can be), and address this instead of ignoring it. Show us a better way through the Fold of your story. Don’t just go around it and ignore the issue.

The trilogy offers highly simplistic themes at best--bad boy bad and good boy good, which is fine-ish for kid lit but less fine for adult complexity, which the show (more so than the books) seems to try to push despite not actually having much of it.

Alina and Mal are intended to be good, we’re told they are, but I’m not sure why beyond just that we’re told so. Alina claims the stag chose her, but in the show it’s never explained why at all. Unlike with Kaz, Inej, Jesper, and hell even Matthias and Nina, we don’t see Alina or Mal’s complex choices and internal wrestling. 

Like, Inej’s half-episode where she almost killed the guy they needed was far more character exploration than Alina has the entire show, to say nothing of Inej’s later killing which not only makes her leaps and bounds more interesting, but ironically cements her as a far more compelling and yes, likable, heroine than Alina. We see Inej’s emotional and moral conflict. We can relate to her. We see Kaz struggling with his selfishness and regrets, with his understanding of himself through his interactions with and observations of Inej, Alina, the Darkling, Arken, and Jesper.

We don’t explore what makes Mal or Alina good and what makes them bad. We don’t know what Alina discovers about herself, what her power means for her. We are told they are good, we are told she knows her power is hers, but never shown what this means or what this costs them/her. Their opportunities to be good are handed to them (the stag, Bhagra) instead of given to them as a challenge in which they risk things, in which doing good or making a merciful choice costs them. Alina gets to preach about choices without ever making any; Inej risks going back to the Menagerie to trust Kaz. Her choices risk. They cost. They matter and direct her storyline and her arc, and those of the people around her.

Production Stuff:

The Good: 

The production overall is quite excellent. The costumes, pacing, acting, and cinematography (for example, one of the earliest scenes between the Darkling and Alina has Alina with her back to the light, face covered in his shadow, while the Darkling’s face is light up by her light even if he stands in the shadows) are top-notch. The soundtrack as well is incredible and emphasizes the scenes playing. The actors have great chemistry together, friend chemistry and romantic when necessary (Mal and Alina, the Darkling and Alina, Kaz and Inej, Nina and Matthias, David and Genya, etc.) All are perfectly cast. 

The Uncomfortable Technicalities Hamliet Wants to Bitch About:

The only characters from fantasy!Europe having any trace of an accent reminiscent of said fantasy country's real-world equivalent are antagonists like Druskelle (Scandinavia) and Pekka (Ireland). When the heroes mostly have British accents despite being from fantasy Russia and Holland, it is certainly A Choice to have the Irish accent emphasized. The actor is British by the way, so I presume he purposely put on an Irish accent. I'm sure no one even considered the potential implications of this but it is A Look nonetheless.

The Anachronisms Hamliet Has a Pet Peeve About: 

The worldbuilding is compelling, but the only blight on the worldbuilding within the story itself (ignoring context) was that there are some anachronisms that took me out of the story, particularly in the first episode where “would you like to share with the class” and “saved by the horn” are both used. Both are modern-day idioms in English that just don’t fit, especially the latter. The last episode uses “the friends we made along the way.” There are other modern idioms as well.

IT’S STARKOVA and Other Pet Peeves Around the Russian Portrayal 

Russian names are not hard, and Russian naming systems are very, very easy to learn. I could have waved “Starkov” not being “Starkova,” “Nazyalensky” not being “Nazyalenskaya,”  and “Safin” not being “Safina” as an American interpretation (since in America, the names do not femininize). However, “Mozorova” as a man is unfathomable and suggests to me the author just doesn’t understand how names work, which is a bit... uh okay considering a simple google search gets you to understand Russian names. They aren’t hard. I cannot understand why the show did not fix this. It is so simple to fix and would be a major way to help the story’s overall... caricature of Russia. 

Speaking of that... Ravka is supposedly Russian-based, but it is more accurately based on the stereotypes of what Americans think of Russia. Amerussia? Russica? Not great. 

The royals are exactly what Americans think of the Romanovs, right down to the “greasy” “spiritual advisor” who is clearly Rasputin and which ignores the Romanov history, very real tragedy, and the reason Rasputin was present in the court. The religion with all its saints is a vapid reflection of Russian Orthodoxy. The military portrayal with its lotteries and brutality and war is how the US views the Russian military. The emphasis on orphans, constant starvation, classification, and children being ripped from their homes to serve the government is a classic US understanding of USSR communism right down to the USSR having weapons of destruction the rest of the world fears (Grisha). Not trying to defend the Soviet Union here at all, but it is simplistic and reductive and probably done unconsciously but still ehhhh. 

However, I’m not Russian. I just studied Russian literature. I’ve seen very little by way of discussion of this topic online, but what I do see from Russian people has been mixed--some mind, some don’t. The reality is that I actually don’t really mind this because it’s fantasy, though I see why some do. I'm not like CANCEL THIS. So why am I talking about this beyond just having a pet peeve?

Well, because it is a valid critique, and because it doesn’t occur in a vacuum. The Grishaverse is heralded as an almost paragon for woke Young Adult literature, which underlines itself what so frustrates me about how literary circles discuss issues of diversity and culture. Such praise, while ignoring its quasi-caricature of Russia, reflects a very ethnocentric (specifically American) understanding of culture, appropriation, and representation. All stories are products of their culture to various extents, but it bothers me on principle what the lit community reacts (and overreacts sometimes?) to and what people give a pass to. The answer to what the community reacts to and what it gives a pass always pivots on how palatable the appropriation is to American understandings and sensibilities. There’s nuance here as well, though. 

I'm not cancelling the story or thinking it should be harshly attacked for this, but it is something that can be discussed and imo should be far more often--but with the nuance it begs, instead of black/white. But that’s a tall ask. 

[light-yaers]

Fools in the Darkness: Chapter Nine

Darkling x Reader

Warnings: Death, violence, drugs (Parem), NSFW and sexual content. This content is explicit and 18+ at some points.

A/N: OHOHOHHOHOHOHHO. That’s all I can say about this chapter. Hope you enjoy it. All of you need to go to horny jail. 

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Fic Masterpost

Word Count - 3.7k

Chapter Nine

“I have a feeling I know how this story ends,” Jesper said sadly. You found yourself scoffing at him.

“No, you don’t,” You said lightly. “I still don’t know how it ends,”

“What do you mean?” Kaz spoke up, interested suddenly. You let out a sigh, sending a glance over to Inej who was watching you so closely; so worriedly.

“He’s still looking for me, still trying to find me. He doesn’t know I crossed the Fold—,”

“You crossed the Fold?” Kaz interrupted, standing abruptly. “Why? How?”

“You—you should be dead,” Inej said timidly. She was right, they were both right to react in such a way. It was almost impossible really, to cross the Fold on your own. No skiff, no secure route, no way of knowing what would happen when the dark swallowed you whole.

You thought then about telling them how—telling them how you did it and came out of the dark with nothing more than a few scratches on your body; but a lot of scratches in your mind. But you chose not to; that was the end of the story.

If it ended, then maybe... they’d throw you out. Cast you aside. Be done with their interest in your sad little life. You were scared that they’d leave you, even though you hardly knew these criminals. You were scared that you’d be alone again, when the weight of realisation that you’d been alone all along at the Little Palace had hit you so hard before.

All you wanted was security, stability, a home, a family.

“I know,” You finally replied, forcing yourself to smile. “You’re getting too far ahead, though,” Kaz slowly descended into his seat once more, fingers curled tightly around his crow-headed cane. You wondered then, what it felt like to constantly have something on your person.

Inej with her knives. Kaz with his cane. Jesper with his pistols.

You had no such thing, unless you counted the raggedy old Kefta on your shoulders, but you didn’t particularly want to. You’d hated it from the beginning; you’d only worn it because of him.

You could still remember the first time you’d ever donned it.

The Little Palace, Six Months Ago

“Hey! Hey!” Genya’s yells cut through the forest easily, as if the trees allowed her voice to penetrate through them to hit your ears. You stopped training as she approached, breathing heavily, her face blotched with red.

“Genya,” You said, amused, jogging over to where she was hunched over, catching her breath. “Did you run here?”

“No... horses... left...” She heaved out, waving a hand in front of her face in place of a fan. “Saints—that woke me up,” You placed a supportive hand on her shoulder, on the brink of laughing at her flushed face.

“What’re you doing?” You questioned, as she started to calm down. She sucked a breath deep into her lungs, regarding your amused expression.

“It’s the General,” She said. Your face immediately dropped as your heart catapulted into your throat. “He’s back,”

You waved Genya off as she rode your horse back to the stables. There was more than enough space for both of you on the steed, but you needed time to calm your trembling limbs. The walk back would be able to offer you that.

It’d been four months since Aleksander had left the Little Palace. Time had gone fast, but also agonisingly slowly at the same time; which still confused you as to how that was even possible. His face had been forever etched in your mind since that night—his timid knocks, his abrupt and unapologetic kiss, the way his fingers roamed your bare skin like an extension of your own body.

Your heart had been aching ever since, but you’d tried to replace that void with training. You worked hard, mercilessly, tirelessly, so that Aleksander would be able to marvel at your improvement after his return.

He’d sent letters, but rarely. You had three in total, scrawled down in rushed handwriting by a man who you imagined to be busy beyond belief. But he’d still sent them; he’d still checked in with you, sent his words of affirmation, adoration—

Craving. Words of craving and longing and the obviousness that he was missing you.

You kept those letters in the locked drawer of the desk in your chambers, keeping the key secure in the cabinet at your bedside. Maybe it was supposed to be secretive, maybe it was supposed to be kept in the dark—or maybe you were overanalysing it all—but you didn’t want people prying. You didn’t want the extra pressure or scowls or attention that would no doubt come from having this kind of relationship with the General.

If it even was a relationship. You opted not to call it as such, not fully understanding what Aleksander even saw in you, wanted from you—liked about you.

As much as these four moths had been incredibly lonely, you couldn’t stop the uncomfortable wave of anxiety that beat through your entire body as you walked back over the fields to the palace. Beyond those cream walls and gold trim and décor, Aleksander would be back inside.

Waiting for you.

You’d improved; there was no doubt about that. There was a small thought then, when you got ever closer to the palace, that perhaps you should show off. You could already see the hub of carriages and Grisha in the distance, surrounding the General upon his return—

And Saints, maybe it was jealously, or excitement, or fear—

But there was something urging you to summon the air and glide to him. Show him what you’d learned, what you were capable of, what you’d taught yourself in his absence.

You took in a deep breath, bringing your hands together quickly. The air surrounded you almost instantly, circling your body and ruffling your hair and blouse as it descended to your feet. Within seconds, you were hovering atop the mound of air at the ground, and as you directed your hands forward, the air followed your commands.

You were propelled forward quickly, gliding effortlessly up the remaining fields until you were back on the palace grounds. You kept going, rounding the stables and slaloming between plant pots and other garden décor, until you approached the courtyard in a flash.

A few Grisha squealed at your arrival, parting the crowds around Aleksander’s carriage and making way for your storm. You lowered your hands then, jumping to the floor as the air at your feet dissipated into nothingness. You took one step forward, and all of a sudden his eyes were on yours—

His stare unwavering, his shoulders broad and brooding, his eyes as dark and deep as the time he’d left; but the smile on his face was one that you’d never seen before. Some mixture of longing and nostalgia and awe. He was impressed, as his eyes roamed down your body until they hit your feet, where your summoned pocket of air had been just moments before.

He trailed his gaze back up your body, landing upon all of the places that he’d touched before. You skin buzzed beneath your clothes, set alight by his stare that you hadn’t realised just how much you’d missed him, until he was stood before you once more.

Aleksander turned, fully, to you then, approaching you slowly, step by agonising step.

“General,” You spoke first, trying to bat away the huge grin on your face into something more subdued. “You’re back,” You added, with a lack of what to say, other than I missed you, Aleksander. Saints, you wouldn’t say that here, not around the other Grisha.

“I see you’ve... improved,” He said softly, trickling his rough voice over you warmly. Saints—you’d missed that fucking voice.

“I suppose that’s up to you, Sir,” You replied, ignoring the tension that floated between the two of you like a storm cloud, just waiting for thunder to crack and lightning to flash.

“Let’s discuss your improvements later. This evening, in my office,” He stated. You tried to keep your expression flat; professional.

“I’ll see you then, General,” He shot you a smile before moving away. The crowd of Grisha and officers dissipated as Aleksander made his way to the palace, and all too soon the black of his uniform was hidden behind the closed doors.

Genya came up beside you then, crossing her arms as an amused smile littered her face. “Someone’s happy to see you,” She said slyly. You shoved your elbow into her rib softly, giving her a light push.

“Shut it,” You said, but there was no denying it. You were happy, the happiest you’d been in months, seeing the stubble that dotted his chin and the pensive look he reserved solely for you. You didn’t care about the murmurs surrounding your abrupt entrance or the obvious secretive nature that you and Aleksander conversed in from the other Grisha—you only cared that he was back.

He was back with you, after what felt like years.

You couldn’t shake the smile from your face when you walked through the upper corridors of the Little Palace, headed back to your chambers that evening. You couldn’t shake the excited energy that coursed through your veins or the anxious buzz that you got from imagining being alone with Aleksander again, after so long.

“He’ll get bored, you know,” Her voice was the only reason the smile drained from your face then, as you stopped in the corridor and turned back.

Zoya stood in the middle of the hallway, silhouetted by the dwindling evening light. You’d recognise her defensive stance and tense shoulders anywhere. “He always does,”

You’d almost forgotten what it was like to be face-to-face with her, after so long avoiding her presence. But all too soon that uncomfortable feeling hit your gut whenever she was around; fear of the unknown.

“What are you talking about?” You replied, but you knew she was talking about Aleksander. She took a few confident steps forward, brooding and almost frightening in this isolated part of the palace. You kept your guard up strongly.

“Kirigan loves girls that he can mould to his own perception. You’re just another in a long line of Grisha that he’s taken an interest in,” Zoya said, her voice coarse and unforgiving. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. You didn’t know what to say.

“Let me guess, he called you special. He called you powerful and strong. He’s littered your mind with ego-building drivel and promised you what you desire the most,”

You were stunned by her words, as your mind started fretting the last six months under this roof. But—this was also Zoya. Zoya, who hated your fucking guts. Zoya, who was endlessly jealous of any woman that stood by Kirigan’s side. Zoya, who evidently had qualms with the General himself that had been long forgotten by him.

You refused to acknowledge any words that fell from her lips as fact. She was untrustworthy and always would be in your eyes. She continued to approach you, and you started to lose your nerve. You balled your fists instinctively, and she stopped when she saw your shoulders drop defensively. The grin that curled onto her lips was akin to the Devil—devious and all-knowing.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, when he decides you’re of no worth. What happens when he finds the Sun Summoner, hm? You really think he’ll stay by your side?”

“You’re hurt over something that has long since passed, Zoya. Kirigan saw through your childish behaviour. You need to grow up,” You finally replied, but the words felt muddied leaving your mouth. You hated confrontation at the best of times, but this conversation had curdled your blood faster than you’d expected.

Zoya let out a disgusted chuckle. “See? You’re already too far gone,”

“And you’re a snake who can’t get over the fact that Kirigan may prefer the company of others. Others who don’t hoard past relationships over his head like a curse and constantly beg for affection that he doesn’t want to give,” You watched as her face dropped, and then all too soon she was storming towards you. She swiftly shoved you into the wall of the corridor, shoving her arm beneath your neck and pushing down just enough to keep you stuck. You refused to fight back.

“Your days are numbered. He will soon come to realise that you are nothing but a lost soul, just like the Volcra in the Fold that he wishes to destroy,”

She left as soon as she’d appeared, rounding the corridor and leaving you to place a soft hand against your neck, sucking in air as you caught back your breath. You shut the door of your chambers quietly, flexing your fingers in an attempt to make them stop trembling.

You washed and freshened yourself up, your mind racing. That’s when the wardrobe caught your eye; something within it was burning to get out.

You stomped to it, opening the doors swiftly and laying your eyes over the long forgotten Kefta that Aleksander had commissioned for you so long ago. You draped it over your arm, tracing your fingers over the intricate and beautiful patterns of white and grey, next to the backdrop of such a deep black—his colour—

The colour of the Darkling.

“Enter,” His voice said lowly, and you entered his chambers confidently. Aleksander stood with his back turned to you, placing down two tumblers and that oh so familiar bottle of Ravkan rum on the dark wood table.

When he turned, he stopped immediately. Time slowed, the air stilled, and Aleksander was but a marble statue in a world of concrete creatures.

You stood by the centre table, tall, chin out, Kefta donned for the first time. The fabric draped over you snuggly, the belt showing off the waist that you had underneath such bulky clothing. In this light, the embroidery glistened like Fjerdan snow; bright, light, powerful. After six months, the Kefta that Aleksander had so desperately and patiently waited for you to wear was now on your frame.

You were a Grisha. And perhaps, you were his.

The smile that curled onto his lips hit you—that’s what you’d been waiting for in response. The subtle curve of his smile, the gleam of his dark eyes as they traversed every crevice and curve of your body before him, the subtle flex of his fingers as if eagerly awaiting when he’d be able to touch you again.

The Aleksander you had so dearly missed, after months without his presence. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

“Just as I expected,” He said finally, as he began to walk towards you slowly. “Radiant,”

You blushed at his words, allowing yourself to don a small smile as he approached ever closer. “You picked the right colour,” You replied, prompting a small scoff to fall from his lips.

He reached you then, standing face-to-face comfortably. You peered up at him, noting the way his Adam’s apple bobbed with every gulp he made. Tension surrounded you both once more, but it was much stronger than you’d been expecting.

Aleksander reached out and grabbed the belt of your Kefta, tugging you forward abruptly. You refrained from squealing as you were pulled into his chest, laying your palms flat against him and feeling the unmistakeable pitter patter of his heart, thumping mercilessly beneath his skin.

“It’s such a shame that the first time I see you in your Kefta, I also want to rip it off of you,” He whispered lowly, cascading his voice over your face until you were mere putty in his hands. His hands snaked around your waist then, keeping you flush against his chest. You raised your hands to his neck, eyes flicking to his lips involuntarily as a warmth gushed through your gut.

“That doesn’t sound like a shame to me,” You whispered back, drawing circles over his skin with your fingers. He shivered at your touch, and a small growl sounded from the back of his throat. Abruptly, he hoisted you onto the table, treading quickly so he stood between your legs snuggly. You let out a gasp at his forwardness, but there was no denying it—

Both of you wanted this, wanted each other.

It’d been months in the making, and the absence of one another had only increased these feelings tenfold. You wanted Aleksander to rip the Kefta from your body and kiss you everywhere. You wanted to run your fingers over ever section of bare skin that the Darkling possessed; intentionally, lingering your touch wherever you could, so he’d always feel the warmth of your fingertips even when you weren’t there.

“Do you know how much I thought of you while I was away?” He questioned, and you swallowed down your incessant heartbeat.

“I imagine it was close to how much I thought of you,” You replied, inching your lips closer to his own.

“I poured over your letters,” He admitted. “I imagined your voice reading them to me. I imagined us in the forest, alone together, when my body refused to sleep,”

“Aleksander,” You said abruptly, when the feeling in your gut became far too intense. “Just kiss me,” You begged. He obliged.

His lips pressed into yours with a ferocity that you’d been waiting for since he’d left. It was more than the kiss you’d stolen before he left; more meaningful, less hasty, as if he was taking his time to navigate the intricacies of your body and mouth, now that he was able to.

You gripped onto him as if you’d never let go, feeling the curve of his spine, the tension in his jaw, the soft but trusting way his eyes were closed as his lips were flush against your own. Without parting, his hands pried off the belt of your Kefta, exposing your bare chest beneath. You’d opted against wearing your blouse, almost knowing that this would happen.

When his hands lay upon your warm, bare skin, Aleksander parted from you. His eyes skimmed your chest, landing upon your clavicle and your exposed breasts. There was a hunger in his eyes that you’d never seen before, but one that only made you want him more.

He smiled boyishly. “This was quite presumptuous of you,” He let out roughly, referring to your bare chest.

“I know you, Aleksander,” You replied, as you allowed the thick Kefta to fall from your shoulders until your torso was utterly exposed.

“Yes, you do,” He said, before plunging his lips onto yours once more. You noticed the difference now, as if he was craving so much more, and didn’t know how to grab as much of you as he could. His fingers swiped down to your trousers before long, toying with your waistband.

But this time, you pulled away quickly. You looked at him with a smug expression, flicking your eyes over his clothed body. “I don’t think that’s fair,” You said playfully, as your fingers moved to the buckles of his uniform.

You’d seen Aleksander bare just once, when you’d both jumped into the lake those months ago. You’d been thinking of that day ever since, imagining the time you’d get to be the reason for him undressing in front of you.

He mimicked your smile, but instead of helping, he simply raised his arms. Like the body of Christ on the cross, he smiled and waited for you to undress him. You let out a scoff, jumping off of the table to kiss him playfully, as your fingers pried apart all of the buckles on his jacket and dropped it to the floor.

Aleksander toyed with you when you got to his shirt, nipping at your earlobe and neck while you tried desperately to undo the buttons.

“You’re terrible at this,” He whispered in your ear.

“You’re terrible at standing still,” You replied, giving him another peck while you tried to avoid his playful teasing. You undid another button and moved onto the next.

“I don’t want to stand still,” He said. “I want to carry you to my room and lay you down,” His words made your entire body shiver. Arousal crept up through your gut to your chest, causing your heart to almost explode beneath your ribs.

“You can do that after I’ve touched every inch of you,” You said, amused, but Aleksander let out a guttural moan. He stopped playing suddenly, as he abruptly wrapped his arms around your waist and hoisted you from the floor. You wrapped your legs around his hips instinctively.

“I’ve run out of patience,” He muttered, as he carried you to the adjoining room of his chambers. You’d never been in Aleksander’s bedroom before, but it was just as you expected. A dark wood, four poster-bed in the centre of the large room, dotted with matching furniture.

He dropped you to the bed and wasted no time as he went for your waistband once more. You protested playfully, scrambling to keep undoing the buttons of his shirt.

“No fair!” You yelled, but it was obvious you weren’t really complaining. Aleksander tugged down your trousers, pulling you abruptly as he loomed over you. His arms were by each side of your head, your body encased in his shadow as he towered above you, boxing you in from all angles.

He stopped then, as his eyes ate you up. All bare skin and soft curves and subtle goosebumps—his. He looked at you like he’d imagined this moment often, like it littered his mind when he tried to focus and only left him frustrated by his own desires.

“I didn’t think it was possible for you to get more beautiful,” He whispered. You swiped your fingers over the last button, undoing it finally and tugging the shirt off of his shoulders. Your fingers skimmed over his chest softly, until you reached his heart. You placed your palm flat against his skin, keeping your eyes fixed on him.

“Your heart is racing,” You said, feeling his incessant beat. It only made your own speed up even faster, mimicking his own pulse.

“You know why,” He replied, and as he did, he dipped his head down, pressing his lips against yours strongly. You inhaled him fully, wrapping your legs around his hips and bringing him down on top of you.

He pulled away, coiling his arm around your head until his fingers were combing through your hair.

“It’s because of you,” He breathed out. “I’m only focused on you,”

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Thanks for reading! See you next time!

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Kaz Brekker x male! Reader - Terribly Wrong

A/n: So this was really hard to write in a way for me but I hope you guys like it! Also, I do have a request so I should be finishing that up soon!

Warnings: homophobia, mentions of conversion therapy, abuse the reader doesn't think very good about himself, trauma, language, I think that's it? You have been warned!

Summary: Idk how to summarize but it ends in fluff so?...

(Not my image/art)

He was a goner.

Y/n L/n was a sweet man who was always happy, always cheerful, always trying to see the good in everything.

That was anything but the truth.

That was the mask he let everyone see, and no one had ever seen past it. They always wondered how he, someone who must have been a literal ray of sunlight had gotten himself thrown into the barrel. Now, they didn't think he wasn't capable at his job it was more the fact that he was always so happy and everything around seemed to glow when he was there.

They just didn't understand how he could be so... Good.

He wore the mask well, being very careful to never even give a hint that he might not be okay, that he might not be as perfect as they think. And he always stayed through everything for the Crows and their ruthless leader.

But the cord had been cut and he was at his end.

He always felt so wrong in this world. It was like there was everyone else then there was him and he just felt out of place.

He grew up in a very religious household his parents weren't very great either. He was told that homosexuality was a sin beyond anything and that it was the worse thing that you could do.

After his parent's death, he was set off into an orphanage where it wasn't any better. It was worse. They reinforced their beliefs by beating the kids, starving them, and even using mental tricks. On kids.

But at least most of the children (that he knew of) didn't have anything wrong with them.

He was- He was gay.

There was no easy way to say how he felt. When he had finally gotten out and got swiped up by Dirtyhands because of his skills for fighting and his skills with a bow and arrow he had felt... Relief.

But it didn't last long.

He started developing something for Kaz. Something wrong and gross, it disgusted him when he would feel butterflies for a guy. Especially if it was Kaz. It nauseated him to think that he hadn't gotten rid of it. The sin, the homosexuality.

And slowly the Crows were formed and he watched them all come together (including him) and that feeling didn't go away but he felt like had finally belonged somewhere.

It was fucking amazing.

But it came with a price.

Slowly Kaz and he had gotten closer and they were beyond the point where Kaz would try and push him away. Y/n, he tried but it was useless. Tell him straight to his face that you would look away from those deep brown eyes that could look cold but then had glimpses of gold in them.

His mind was in peril, it was in constant combat with itself. Swords would clash together, the sound ringing in his head. He just couldn't get it out of his thoughts. One part of him would remember the way Kaz had first brushed his hand against his and how it felt right. But the other side of him would be repulsed that he even thought that, that was okay.

He was a mess.

That's what got him so lost while he was looking over Ketterdam on the rooftop of the Slat. Looking over Ketterdam and its darkness. pondering what the fuck he should be doing, because damn it, he had no idea. He was going through his head trying to decide what part to listen to, and how Kaz had broken his mask and seen the real him. How he loved how his lips had brushed against his knuckles, how he felt like he should be burned at the stake after he had left.

Don't get him wrong though, he supported when Wylan and Jesper got together. Never flinching or cringing when they kissed or did something sensual with each other (although sometimes he would fake gag). It was just the fact that when he was the one feeling that way, his trauma would hold a leash on him. He felt like an abused dog that's always been tied up and now that he's been let free he didn't know how to live without the leash.

While he was so lost in thought he didn't even hear Kaz come up. He felt a bare hand on his shoulder and he flinches in surprise, but he doesn't have to look up to know who it is.

It's him.

"You should go inside. We have a job tomorrow."

If Y/n had not been so lost in thought if he hadn't been so pent up about the feeling of Kaz's bare hand on his shoulder. How he couldn't breathe, how he could swear he could smell Kaz's sent and it was driving him crazy. He might have realized the deeper meaning of Kaz's words, the blunt words that any normal person would have brushed off or even felt hurt by. If he had not been so pent up with everything then a small smile might have been brought to his face knowing that this was Kaz's way of caring for him.

But it didn't. And that's when Kaz must have known something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

"I don't know." He blurts out. Really L/n? That's what you say 'I don't know!'

Kaz raises his eyebrow and shifts his body so he's facing the boy.

"Care to elaborate?"

Y/n is internally screaming at himself. Why the fuck did he have to say anything? He can't just deflect or walk away from this one, time to face the music he guessed. Or he would find a way out of this one like he did all those other times. Like he always would be doing for the rest of his life. Deflect and run. It was the mantra he played in his head to keep going and it had never failed him. But there's a first time for everything.

"I don't know how-" He cut himself off. How could he explain how he felt so wrong? How could he tell Kaz it was like he was in an alternate reality every time he was with him but when he left he did something unbelievably wrong there?

"I don't know how I-I love you."

Kaz's eyes flash with something unrecognizable but he doesn't tell him to stop so Y/n takes that as a vote of confidence and keeps on talking.

"I was always taught that loving the opposite sex was a horrible thing, a sin even and I just never thought that this- whatever we have, would happen. Or last..."

The man squeeze's his eyes shut pushing back all of the memories that had hurt him, broken him even. But then a new spark ignited in his eyes, they may have broken him but they just had made this, whatever he had with Kaz stronger. They had burned the flames of hell so high that he absorbed a portion of its power. He was more powerful because of it and using what they had used to burn him he let it fuel him. And he made a choice.

"But I realize I now that they're all wrong."

Y/n turns so he's looking directly into those dark eyes that look like beautiful black breathtaking suns. And he Y/n L/n was orbiting them and he realized he always would be.

Besides, maybe Kaz would never fully understand what he had to go through, what he had to overcome. Though no one else could steal his heart the way Brekker had and he was bubbling with real happiness for once and about what the future could hold.

"They should have warned me that a certain Demjin would steal my heart. Unfortunately for them, they did not."

Kaz leans forward a bit and a small smile grace's his lips and Y/n wants to see that smile again and again and he never wants it to stop.

"Good it made my job a lot more easier."

Their noses are brushing now and he sees Kaz stare at his lips and he blushes at the thought. The thought of kissing Kaz or the thought of Kaz wanting to kiss him.

"Likewise."

And their lips slowly come together.

Words 1390

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien

[heliads]

Heartbeats (Part Two)

Based on this request: “Jesper x reader where she was in the first army and grew up with mal and Alina, but then when stuff goes down in the fold she ends up in ketterdam (maybe she’s grisha too) and teams up with the crows but her and Jesper end up falling for each other?”

part one / masterlist

As much as you’d like to avoid it, though, the battle on the sand skiff rages on. In the end, despite all of your complaints about Kerch sharpshooters and their unusually quick wits, there’s nothing you can do about the present situation except fight your way out of it. You’ve been a soldier for a long time now, a tracker and a fighter through the First Army. This isn’t your first brawl, and it likely won’t be your last.

It is, however, your first one where you’re actively attacking the grotesque flying monsters known affectionately as volcra. There are also several Grisha on board, and despite your silent protests, you can hear your power almost calling out to them, as if it can recognize those of its own kind. You try to reel it back in, collect it and calm it and force it away, but in a life and death situation like this, your control is weak. If you used it now, you could probably save yourself. The only issue is that by revealing yourself, you might damn yourself to a worse fate than a quick death at the claws of a volcra.

So, you ignore the thrum of heartbeats echoing out around you, electing instead to fire your pistols again and again. You’re not the only shooter here- Jesper Fahey is at your back, the two of you surrounded by a cloud of smoke issuing from the barrels of your respective guns. You could almost fool yourself into thinking that you might make a good team. Clearly, the stress of the battle is getting to you.

Then, just when you’re sure that you’re going to make it out of here alive, you slip up. You took too long in taking down a volcra and forgot about the Darkling’s oprichniki guards still on board the ship. You sense them before you see them, and whip around to see one seconds away from shooting you full of bullets. Your own arm rises involuntarily, as if pulling the string of a marionette. The oprichnik’s body rises in turn, his face turning ashy as his heart is yanked apart under your watch.

The moment is over almost as quickly as it happens. The guard’s body slams to the ground beneath him, head lolling. He’s dead, no question of that. What have you done now? You quickly force your hand back to your side, pretending as if you’d shot the guard and nothing more. Alina and Mal are still busy with the Darkling on the other side of the skiff, so you think you’ve managed to keep your secret intact for a little longer. Saints, you’d sworn to yourself that you wouldn’t let this happen. Grisha are constantly on the run for their lives, and you can only imagine that it will get worse now that word of the Darkling’s treachery has come out. You can’t afford for this to happen.

When you look up, though, you’re met with a pair of eyes. Jesper Fahey watches you from his place a few paces away from you. There’s no doubt in your mind that he’s seen everything, that he knows exactly what you are. Strangely enough, though, he doesn’t seem angry or surprised or even afraid. Instead, he just looks understanding, like he knows exactly what you’re going through. He nods his head once, a sharp motion, then moves away again.

You try to redirect your attention back to the fight at hand, but your thoughts keep straying to that one moment over and over again. What will Jesper do with this information? He’s used to being a canal rat running the streets of the Barrel, where any piece of knowledge should be taken and sold to the highest bidder. There’s no doubt in your mind that he’ll tell somebody- why would he ever keep your secret? 

However, he gives you no suspicious looks, and when you and your friends finally make it out of the Shadow Fold and into the dim gray sunlight of the ruins of Novokribirsk, he simply walks over to stand with his own group once again. He doesn’t say a word to Alina or Mal or anyone else. 

Your stomach is still in knots over the potential of your secret being revealed, and you find that you can’t sit quietly, even when you’re exhausted from the fight on board the sand skiff. Instead, there’s a strange buzzing in your chest, as if you could run a hundred miles and never tire. It occurs to you that this might be because you finally used your Grisha abilities and didn’t keep them tied up for once. Regardless, you can’t be content with a place by Alina and Mal in the long and broken grass, so you stand up, walking to pace back and forth overlooking the ruins of the city.

To your surprise, you’re soon joined by Jesper. He walks with you for a few yards, then turns back to you. “Why do you keep the fact that you’re a Grisha a secret?” Your feet stall in place, and you quickly check around you to make sure that no one can hear the conversation. Alina and Mal are a ways away, so they probably won’t be able to tell what you’re saying, but you can never be too sure.

“It means I can stay with them. It means that my friends don’t look at me like I’m an enemy, one of the Darkling’s men. They don’t trust Heartrenders that well. I cannot have them think that of me.” Jesper nods, but doesn’t speak. You glance over at him. “Aren’t you going to do something? Make a joke about how I’m too afraid of my friends?” He shrugs. “You’re not the only one with secrets to keep.”

Before you can think more on this and what the seemingly open Jesper Fahey could possibly have to hide, he’s turning his attention back towards the ruins of Novokribirsk below you. At the sight of it, the wind drifting through clouds of smoke and dust, he whistles softly, the low note hanging in the silent air. “Are you looking for anyone down there?” You shake your head. “I have no one anywhere.” Jesper regards you for a moment longer, a strange look in his eyes, then turns and walks back to his Kerch friends without another word.

As you watch, he speaks to them in low voices. Although you cannot make out a single word, you swear that their gazes lock on you several times. Later, after everyone has had time to recover and start to think about moving forward, Jesper’s friend Kaz steps forward. “We’ll be heading back to Ketterdam soon. You should either run or find a place to hide. They’ll be looking for you soon enough.” Alina nods, giving Mal’s hand a comforting squeeze. “We plan on going to Novyi Zem.”

It hurts you a little, this quiet intimacy. They’ve clearly discussed this, although you weren’t in on their plans. You’ve known that it would be like this for a while, that the two of them would always need each other a little more than you. Truth be told, you’re largely alright with it, although it does sting a little to know that you will forever be on the outside of their happy pairing.

Kaz now turns to you. “If they’re going to Novyi Zem, where does that leave you? We have a position in our ranks, if you’re interested in taking it. You appear to have a skill set that we could use, and it would probably be best for your Sun Summoner if you split up into smaller groups.” You look between him and Jesper, who appears to be doing his best to remain nonchalant. Was this what they had been talking about- offering you a job?

Before you can talk yourself out of it, you step forward. “I’ll go with you to Ketterdam.” Alina stares at you. “Really?” You nod, clasping her hands. “I’ll miss you, Alina. You too, Mal. But he’s right- you too need your best chance at staying hidden from him if he comes looking. It’ll be safest if we split up. Besides,” you try for a laugh, “I’d probably get really bored in Novyi Zem anyways.” You might just be kidding yourself, but you swear that Jesper’s looking at you with an honest smile now.

This is how you end up boarding a ship to Kerch, how you end up saying goodbye to Alina and Mal with tearful hugs and farewell waves, how you end up staring with a smile at the cobblestoned streets and grimy alleys of Ketterdam. Jesper laughs at your awestruck expression. “It’s just the Barrel, darling, not the Grand Palace. No need to drop your jaw quite so low.” He dodges out of the way when you try to hit him, unfortunately. “Compared to the endless hills in Ravka, I’d say it’s pretty good.” If you didn’t know better, you’d swear that Jesper’s smile looks almost proud now.

Ketterdam is surprisingly good. Sure, you’re on the run for your life practically all of the time, whether it’s because of Kaz’s mad schemes or because some gang boss or another has decided that they’ve got it out for you, but you’d be lying to say that you didn’t do it all with a smile on your face. You might be risking your life all of the time, but at least you feel like you actually have a life to risk now, instead of just another place as just another tracker in the First Army.

You also spend a lot more time with Jesper. At first, you had rolled your eyes and questioned your Saints as to why they seemed determined to damn you with one of the most insufferable sharpshooters known to man, but in all honesty, he’s starting to grow on you. It’s just the way that the two of you get to have neverending competitions to see who can shoot the farthest and the best and the quickest, who can come up with the wittiest retort or steal the best object from a store in the least amount of time possible. It’s just that he seems to click with you in every way. Maybe a life as his rival was something you’ve been waiting on for a long time.

You keep waiting for the shoe to drop, for him to reveal to Kaz or Inej or any one of the numerous information seekers in the Barrel that you’re a Grisha. He never does, though. Instead, he waits for you late at night, when everyone else is asleep, and lets you practice your gifts on him. At first, you’re just monitoring his heart rate and trying to sense where he is in the room with your eyes closed, then you’re carefully adjusting his consciousness and the flow of his blood through his veins. It’s nothing major, certainly not enough to hurt him, but it’s practice nonetheless, and you always walk out of each session with a smile, skin practically glowing with exertion and the thrill of using your powers.

The first time he’d dropped by your room, offering such a thing, you’d practically laughed in his face. “Sure, you want me to Heartrend you. Aren’t you worried that I’m going to mess something up and kill you?” He’d just given you one of his textbook smirks. “If I was worried about you stopping my heart, love, it happened the first time I saw you. Plus, ‘Heartrend’ isn’t a verb.” You’d had no troubles with helping him into unconsciousness after that.

Now, when you sit across from him, both of you cross-legged on your bed with your hands on his wrist to sense his pulse, you can’t help but wonder why he’s there. Jesper, as if sensing that there’s some deliberation going on in the head of someone also trying their best not to kill him, tilts his head to the side questioningly. “What’s wrong?” You shrug. “Nothing. I just don’t know why you’re doing all of this. I mean, you could have turned me in at any point, but instead you’re here, letting me mess around with your heartbeat. Why go all this way?”

Jesper leans back against the wall, considering this. “You’re not the only one who wants to hide their Grisha heritage, Y/N. If one of us can have at least a little time to use their gifts, I’d want you to have it.” You can sense that there’s something in his words when he mentions his Grisha heritage, that even if he’s brought it up he doesn’t quite want to talk about it. So, you focus instead on the second part of what he’d said, the part about his attention to you.

“Why, though? What’s worth it about some orphan from Ravka?” He chuckles now. “Y/N, if I thought for a second you were just an orphan from Ravka, I’d pawn off my revolvers to the next person to walk through the door. Not everything has to be for an angle. Maybe I just wanted to spend time with you.” For a second, you almost think that your focus lessened, that you messed something up with your gifts. There’s no reason why his pulse would seem to jump as he said that, why his heart rate always seems to increase whenever he looks at you as he looks at you now.

You decide to take a chance. “I want to spend time with you too, Jesper. Even if I didn’t have Grisha abilities to hone.” His smile is genuine this time. “I’m glad to hear it.” Jesper’s hand slips slightly in yours, moving your fingers away from his wrist so he can link them around his. When he looks back at you, his eyes hold an unspoken question. You nod. An instant later, he’s kissing you, hand slipping from yours to guide you closer to him. You can’t seem to sense anything except an overwhelming rush that might be his heartbeat or yours or everyone in this entire Saintsforsaken city. To be honest, you’re fairly sure that you’d be fine with questioning it until the day your own pulse runs out.

grishaverse tag list: <3 @underc0vercryptid​, @darlinggbrekker, @cameronsails​, @aleksanderwh0r3​, @story-scribbler​

[spencstan]

Six of Crows re-read

(i also did this for the shadow and bone trilogy so read that if you want to)

spoiler alert obiously

i'm SO EXCITED FOR THIS this is my comfort book (with crooked kingdom of course)

JOOST HI

oo fun fact this was my first grishaverse book and i read it with no context whatsoever except that the mc is an emo boy and morally grey

so IMAGINE my pure confusion when JOOST appeared

i was like ?????? weird take on morally grey character but ok

joost trying to figure out how to flirt with a girl is a mood

anyone wanna teach us how to???

i kinda wanna skip this part so i can see the crows..

but i won't don't worry

(won't I?

"I think Yuri may be quarantined"

aaaand?

so are we you are not special

i feel like it's very important for me to mention that i read this book in spanish first

and then i got into the fandom and i was like who the fuck is the wraith? i only know El Espectro

Heartender who??? ooo you mean Cardio

Tidemakers? nope, i only know Maremotores

for real i was so confused i had to re-read it in english (not that i mind tho)

say whatever you want about the spanish version but we have to agree that this design is pretty af

another one yay: "Retvenko was a Squaller" vs. "Retvenk era un Impulsor"

(should i also say that in my pfd english version the book is 294 pages long and in my pdf spanish version its 532????) (i think it's because in the english one the speces are way less like the lines are so close together wtf

i've decided that i'm bored so i'll be skiping this chapter

anya is super badass tho

skdgfalsdgfliaysvfascvhjl yesssssss inej

Kaz Brekker didn't need a reason.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

KAZ

INEJ

I MISSED THEM

omg now i can picture amita and freddy SDJGKASKGLASG THIS IS AMAZING

we interrupt our regularly scheduled program to watch the shadow and bone trailer once again to hear freddy's beautiful voice

ok moving on!

now hear me out i'm giving you all permission to make fun of kaz for this one: Dirtyhands = Manos Sucias

hello i am Kaz Manos Sucias. nice to meet you!

AAAAA

AAAAAAAAAA

JESPER FAHEY

JESPER LOVE HI

SJDGHFKAHSGDLAJSDFSJ,AHFLHDSGF

I MISSED HIM OMG

OMG NOW I CAN PICTURE HIM AS KIT

can you tell jesper is one of my favourite characters?

i really love the fact that kaz is pissed about the murder of that ambassador ONLY because he can´t figure out how it happen

he´s such a nerd

i can't believe one of the firts things we hear jesper say is threathen to kill someone by writing "forgive me" with bullets

AND HE CALLS HIS GUNS "BABIES" OMG

picture saying hi baby and wylan thinkin he's talking to him but actually jesper's talking to one of his guns

Jesper rolled his eyes. "It's about sending a message. What's the point of a dead guy with forg written on his chest?."

"Compromise," Kaz said. "I'm sorry does the trick and uses fewer bullets."

ooo thank god we have kaz to come up with creative solutions /j /s

honestly i love how they talk about kaz's cane like it's the scariest weapon ever (which it kind of is)

nothing will ever disappoint me more than finding out that in english their gang name is "the Dregs". like i don't even know for sure what that means

in spanish is "Los Indeseables" (the undesirables?) which sounds a lot more badass

no hate tho i like the dregs

but i was confused af bc i expected it to be sometihng like "the undesirables" or"the unwanted" or whatever

and it said "the dregs"

which in the translator means something like shit or something

anways moving on:

If he'd (kaz) ever been a little boy

i love how lowkey all the crows think he was just born exactly like he is now

imagine a baby kaz all dressed in black and threatening people

cute

"No mourners," Jesper said as he tossed his rifle to Rotty

"No funerals," the rest of the Dregs murmured in reply. Among them, it passed for "good luck".

YES

YESSS

i wonder what wylan's doing right now :))

i can't wait for the next book where he has a pov

the first time i read this book i literally looked at the title of every chapter to see if he ever got one (i was disappointed to say the least :((((

Besides, she was the Wraith - the only law that applied to her was gravity, and some days she defied that, too.

ma'am

marry me please

i'm gonna cry so hard once the show is out and we get to see inej omg

me simp

That Kaz had chosen Jesper to be one of his seconds was no surprise. Twitchy as Jepser was, with or without his revolvers, he was at his best in a fight, and she knew he'd do anything for Kaz.

idk why but i just love it every time kaz implies or shows that he cares or trusts jesper

it makes me soft

But every one of Inej's senses told her that was not how this was going to play out. Her father would have said the shadows were about their business tonight. Something bad was going to happen here.

underrated saying from Inej's father right there

"I'm a business man," he told her."No more, no less"

"You're a thief, Kaz."

"Isn't that what I just said?"

i-

i see no lies here

not to be annoying but i hc jesper as adhd (i mean is pretty much as canon as wylan's dyslexia) so i'm gonna write here every time i see evidence :)

jesper with adhd part 1: impulsivity

Jesper snorted. "Stomach, spine. What's next, spleen?"

"Shut it" Oomen snarled. The rules of parley dictated that only the lieutenants could speak once negotiations had begun. Jesper mouthed "sorry" and elaboratedly pantomimed locking his lips shut.

he know he couldn't speak but couldn't stop himself from making a comment (i relate way too much to that lmao)

hoestly poor jesper he had to watch hid friend get shot and kaz do nothing about it

i would've been mad too

"I like it when men beg," she said. "But this isn't the time for it"

KAHGFAHLGSFGASFLGSAFS

this is one of the best quotes in the book by far

YASSS KAZ POV

Kaz could have tol Jesper that he knew he wasn't dirty, reminded him that he'd trusted him eough to make him his only real second in a fight that could have gone badly wrong tonight.

cute

but kaz is petty af

he didn't even have a reason not to tell jesper that!

i love that kaz knows inej is following him but doesn't say anything because he wants to wait until she's ready

i LOVE the scene where kaz in in the van eck mantion /srs

idk why but it's so good

And, of course, there was the mystery of Van Eck's son.

wonder what that could be!!! /s

He grinned at her (...)

"Hmm." she said noncommittally, pretending to examine one of her knives, determined to ignore that grin.

KANEJ YESS

HE'S BASICALLY SHOWERING IN FRONT OF HER OMG

this is so funny poor inej is getting flustered

"And I'll need Wylan waiting at the Crow Club tomorrow night."

YES WYLAN OMG

One minute he made her blush and the next he made her want to commit murder

happens to the best of us :/

"Please, my darling Inej. treasure of my heart won't you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?"

if kaz doesn't say this on the show we riot

agreed?

it's so amazing how nina found a way to use her powers to get money instead of having to like steal and murder like the rest in the gang

NINA'S POV YESSS HIII

nina and inej omg

their friendship is just perfect

POOR MATTHIAS HE HAS TO FIGHT THE WOLVES

i would straight up cry

Matthias was dreaming again. Dreaming of her

i'm gonna cry damn it

this is the enemies-to-lovers we all needed

jesper has adhd part 2:

"Jesper was supposed to wait until three bells." said the pale boy

"It is three bells, Kaz." replied a small girl (...)

"Since when is Jesper punctual?" the boy complained with a glance at his watch

the time blindness come one

(btw i love the fact that kaz plans around jesper's time blindness instead of like threatening him to be on time)

i really love how every one feels the need to take the time to say/think that the masks are ugly

its so unnecessary lmao

yessss inej is a badass that kills monster we stan

and matthias is lowkey impressed lmao

as he should

"Thank you, Jesper," said Nina

"You're very welcome, gorgeous. See, Kaz? That's how the civilised folk do"

THESE TWO OMG

JESPER IS THE LOML

INEJ OMG LOOK:

She stepped aside as if she's known he was coming, languidly hooking her heel behind his ankle. Matthias let out a loud grunt as he landed on the stones

(...) "Clumsy, this one," the bronze girl said impassively.

i-

that's what happen when you underestimate her bitch

AAAAAAA

PEOPLE

PEOPLE

TIME TO FREAK OUT

WYLAN IS HERE

AND HE'S DOODLING STOP IT'S SO CUTE

ok jesper has adhd part 3 i think:

"Just how crazy is he?" asked Jesper, fingers drumming on the pearl handles of his revolvers.

ok first of all: stimming

second of all: hyperactivity

i rest my case

ok 2 or 3 things here

"I believe you know Nina," Brekker continued. "The lovely girl freeing you is Inej. (...) and this is Wylan, the best demolitions expert in the Barrel"

"Raske is better," Inej said

The boy looked up, ruddy gold hair flopping in his eyes, and spoke for the first time. "He's not better. He's reckless"

"He knows his trade"

"So do I"

ok 1: kaz calling inej lovely omg kanej

2: YES WYLAN STANDING UP FOR HIMSELF

2.5: kaz calling him the best cute af

3: honestly why do people think wylan is like an innocent soft boy or whatever. he's in a room full of murderers and thieves and the first thing he does is correct them and stand up for himself

like i wish i could do that

i would be crying like a bitch

AAAAAAAA

"Meet Wylan Van Eck"

KHDSGFALSGFIASGFAL

HI WYLAN BABY

YESSS JESPER'S POV NOW

I'M SO HAPPY also look at this it's the first thing in his pov

Jesper stared at Wylan

do i sense some wesper?????

ok everyone is being so mean to him right now

they are aclling him useless and an idiot and other shit

poor boy honestly he had to deal with this + taking part of a heist he is definetly not ready for + he has to hide the fact that he can't write or read

it so distrubing that kaz is literally the nicest one to wylan right now

"See that? Hidden depths." (...)"He's good enough at demo, and he's got a fine hand for sketching, thanks to all those pricey tutors."

(...)

"There you have it," Kaz said to Jesper. "Marketable skills. Wylan is watching you, Helvar"

GET READY

ARE Y'ALL READY?

OK THEN:

"Scheming face," Jesper whispered to Inej.

She nodded. "Definetly."

THEIR FRIENDSHIP OMG

AND THIS QUOTE

I NEED IT ON THE SHOW THEY BETTER GIVE IT TO US

"Who's Mark" damn wylan (but pretty good comeback to jesper tho)

"What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?

"Knife to the throat?" asked Inej.

"Gun to the back?" said Jesper.

"Poison in his cup?" suggested Nina.

"You're all horrible," said Matthias.

tag yourself i'm jesper

KJSFGAL kaz just told wylan to tell him everything he know about his dad's company

and he said he doesn't know and kaz was like "and you never looked trough his documents????

AND THEN HE GOT SAD AND SAID HE HADN'T (and kaz believed him this is sad)

AND NOW JESPER CALLED HIIM USELESS

ok you know i love you jes but if you keep this up

idk i can't do anything you're a sharpshooter

but stiiiiiil

LMAO MATTHIAS ACTUALLY THOUGHT HE COULD BEAT KAZ

nice try

demjin

*insert spongebob voice* demjin

WE'RE GONNA TAKE A MOMENT NOW TO APPRECIATE INEJ GAHFA

BECAUSE KAZ DOESN'T

The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true.

*ugly crying*

Many boys will bring you flowers. But some day you'll meet a boy who will learn your favourite flower, your favourite song, your favourite sweet. And even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won't matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. Only that boy earns your heart.

*uglier crying*

TANTE HELLEN IF YOU DON'T GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

SOMEONE PLEASE STAB HER FOR ME

jesper has adhd part ?? (i have dyscalculia you can't expect me to remember the number):

That sound - the swift, shocking report of gunfire - called the scattered, irascible, permanently seeking part of his mind into focus like nothing else.

do i really need to explain this?

ok just in case.. an adhd brain doesn't actually have a deficit of attention(the name just sucks) it's problem with controling that attention. the brain is always looking for new sources of dopamine which is why it shifts its focus so much

i love that jes thinks of matthias as "tha giant"

like sir

have you seen yourself?

you're tall af

HE GOT SHOT

WHY DID I FORGET JESPER GETS SHOT IN THE LEG HERE

"Close your eyes!"

"You can't kiss me from down there, Wylan"

"Just do it!"

i love the energy BUT NOW IT'S NOT THE TIME JES

YESS WYLAN SHOW THEM THEY WERE WRONG CALLING YOU USELESS

inej just stabed some guy int the d

good for her!

KAZ YESSSS HI

AWWW SHE'S WORRIED HE DOESN'T HAVE HIS CANE

KANEJ FOR LIFE

oh no wylan got shot too???? (just barely but stilllll por baby)

my Wraith omggg

ok 3 things about this:

Without another word, he tipped Oomen into the sea.

"No!" Wylan shouted, leaning over the railing, his face pale, stunned eyes tracking Oomen in the waves. (...)

Jesper set his hand on Wylan's shoulder. "Let it go."

"It's not right-"

"Wylan," Jesper said, giving him a little shake."Maybe your tutors didn't cover this lesson, but you do not argue with a man covered in blook and a knife up his sleeve"

1. wesper yasssss

2. wylan just argued with a mant hat had just tacken the eye out of someone. he literally called him out for being an asshole. like damn wylan is brave af i love him

3. do you think seeing kaz trow the guy out of the boat reminded wylan of when the same thing happened to him???? this makes me sad

he's brave and a good person and i just-

"Man with a knife, remember?" he said over his shoulder.

"Man with a gun!" Jesper called after him

this had no right being so funny

AND THEN KAZ GAVE HIM THE MIDDLE FINGER STOP I CAN'T

nina is the biggest kanej shiper no one can tell me i'm wrong

unrelated but if jesper had gone to the Little Palace and had studied there with nina they 100% would've had a crush on Zoya and bonded over it

like you can't tell me those two bisexual disaster wouldn't be absolutely in love with Zoya

jesper has adhd part ??:

Jesper scrubbed the back of his neck, touched his hands to his gunds, returned to his neck. He always seemed to be in motions

hyperactivity right there

and restlessness

"Do you know the best way to find Grisha who don't want to be found?" (...)

"Seems to be if they don't want to be found, you should just let them be" (jesper says this)

this conversation must be so stressful to him omg

LMAO JESPER CUT MATTHIAS HAIR THIS IS SO FUNNY

AND HE SHAVED HIM

ok you all know i love all of them but they can be sooo stupid

like wylan wrote no names on the drawing and he's excuse is that he doesn't know fjerdan?

AND THAT'S NOT EVEN TRUE he literally said he learned school fjerdan which means he should know how to write it too (we know why he can't but the tohers don't)

and even then like the excuse doesn't make any sense. why would having the original name be usefull if no one can fucking read it????

the worst part tho? NO ONE QUESTIONED HIM

THEY WERE LIKE "yup makes sense" AND WENT ON WITH THEIR DAY

i wondered how they didn't figure wylan's secret sooner but now i now

it's because theya re idiots

"I'm just doing my job. Stop glaring at me"

wylan baby let's not make the gigant mad

Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. "Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I'm going to get Wylan's ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost."

Brekker's lips quirked. "I'll just hire Matthias ghost to kick your ghost's ass."

"My ghost won't associate with your ghost," Matthias said primply, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.

i had to put this here i don't want to get murdered by the fandom

jesper, inej and nina have the BEST friendship

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE JES AND INEJ TOGETHER ON NETFLIX

"I know some people don't understand, but Kaz told me ... he said it was my choice, that he wouldn't be the one to mark me again."

i love this because it happen when they had just met

he did it because he understands her trauma and he respects her not because he loves her (i doubt he did at the time)

Kaz had been impressed with the sketches. (...)

"Just learn to take a compliment. Kaz doesn't hand them out often."

I'M SO PROUD OF WYLAN

and yess kaz only compliments wylan (and inej but that's sarcastic so it doesn't count) because he's a proud dad

"And you don't belong here, either."

"I beg your pardon, merchiling?"

"We don't need a sharpshooter for Kaz's plan, so what's your job - other than stalking around making everyone angsty?"

He shrugged. "Kaz trusts me."

Wylan snorted and picked up his pen. "Sure about that?"

DAMN WYLAN DESTROYED HIM

also

"If you aren't born with every advantage, you learn to take your chances."

"I wasn't-" Wylan left off and set down his pen. (...)

aww cute neurodivergent boyfriends bonding

Wylan had turned back to his work, his disappointment obvious. For some reason, Jesper felt disappointed, too.

ajgflasjgfjagslfiuusgflgdfsgdflasdgfsd

wesper

aww jes checks on inej every morning and every night i love him

"Thank you for keeping me in this world when fate seemed determined to drag me to the next. I owe you a life debt."

Nina blushed deeply. "I was teasing, Inej"

LJFGALKGFALGA another cute friendship right there

(and i can see why people ship them romantically)

STOP INEJ AND JES ARE BONDING SO MUCH (page 127 so i can go back and read it lmao)

Van Eck writes to Wylan every week, and Wylan doesn't even open the letters

"They just said the same thing again and again: If you're reading this, the you know how much I wish to have you home. Or I pray that you read these words and think of all you've left behind."

should i kill him? anyone want to join me?

Inej bumped her shoulder against his."Then at least we're both the same kind of stupid." (...)

"You're too good for him, you know?"

"I know. So are you"

jes and her bonding over their stupid crush on a white boy

Because I've been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days.

jfsfdajdhmgkfutdjrgsg ok i can't blame them for having a crush on him anymore

this chapter is full of kanej i love it

"What do you want, then"

You, Inej. You forever.

jksdgfoagsdfgsdgfklasgdflaghsldfgksdgfkahgsdfghjlkf

kaz's backstory makes me sad

"When we get our money, you can burn kruge to keep you warm," said Kaz. (...)

"I´m gonna pay someone to burn my kruge for me."

Kaz fell into step beside him. "Why don't you pay someone else to pay someone to burn your kruge for you? That's what big players do."

"You know what the really big bosses do? They pay someone to pay someone ...". Their voices trailed off as they tomped ahead, and Matthias and the others followed.

JES AND KAZ HAVE THE BEST CONVERSATIONS

i can't believe we get to see nina and matthias meet and their whole backstory in less than a month omg

"It's not natural for women to fight."

"It's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand."

QUEEN

YOU TELL HIM

oh no the dead grisha

this part breaks my heart every time

"Do you have a different name for killing when you wear a uniform to do it?"

.....i'm just gonna leave this quote right here

anyways acab

stop nina tried to kill the survivor so they wouldn't suffer but she couldn't do it

and jesper did it for her without hesitation i wanna cry

and inej didn't want to do it either i want to hug them

"Because our crime is existing. Our crime is what we are"

..........

i'm gonna leave this here again

do with it what you will

"Don't mock what you don't understand."

"My mockery offends you? My people would welcome you laughter in place of this barbarity"

i- this conversation is so important

AAAAA JES AND WY ARE A GREAT TEAM I LOVE THEM

WYLAN TROWS BOMBS TOGIVE JESPER TIME TO GET READY TO SHOOT

INEJ AND KAZ ARE A GREAT TEAM TOO

THEY LITERALLY DID THE SCENE LIKE IN THE AVENGERS (but without the shield WHICH MAKES IT BETTER)

Jesper shouldered his rifle. "Wylan earned his keep."

Wylan gave a little jump at the sound of his name. "I did?"

YES BABY YOU DID GREAT

kaz getting self-conscious for his hair is pure comedy

but nina how can you say that have you see his hair on the show???? it's perfect

"Remeber our friend Mark?"

HELP I CAN'T

"Any other impossible feats you'd like us to accomplish?"

The bearest smile flikered over Kaz's lips. "I'll make you a list."

once again jesper and kaz being besties

unrelated but nikolai and jesper would love each other

the amount of sass they have between them it's unparalleled

"Mmm," Inej murmured, taking a sip from her mug. "Maybe you're just not enough."

DAMN

ma'am marry me please

kaz fainted damn poor boy

unrelated unce again but this is so much betetr than shadow and bone

like you can tell leigh improved so much

her characters are better and their arcs are better developed

the writing itself it's better

or maybe i'm just biased because i love soc so much but i think she definetly improved

INEJ IS TRYING TO GIVE HIM SPACE EVEN WHEN SHE'S TRAPPED AND LOCKED ON THE WAGON

I JUST - THEY KNOW EACH OTHER SO MUCH

Though he'd trusted her with his life countless times, it felt much more frightening to trust her with his shame.

Inej had once offered to teach him how to fall. "The trick is not getting knocked down," he'd told her with a laugh. "No, Kaz," she's said, "the trick is in getting back up"

inej is smart af

Kaz was usually unshakeable during a job, but now he was on edge, and Jesper didn't know why. Part of him wanted to ask, though he knew that was the stupid part, the hopeful farmboy who picked the worst possible person to care about, who searched for signs in things that he knew deep down meant nothing - when kaz chose him for a job, when Kaz played along with one of his jokes. He could have kicked himself. He's finally seen the infamous Kaz Brekker without a stich of clothing, and he'd been too worried about ending up on a pike to pay proper attention.

ok i got a couple of things to say about this part

first of all it makes me so sad that jes cares so much for someone who dosn't deserve him. because no hate to kaz but they would never work as a couple and kaz already treats him like shit most of the time

i think this part shows who a lot about who jesper really is. a boy that grew up having to hide parts of himself, who thinks he's worth nothing but it's smart and capable, who's loyal and brave and caring but doesn't even know it himself. he's someone who feels he doesn't deserve good things and thinks he's not good enough, and that's why he unds up in all the wrong places with the wrong people. he left uni bc he fell in with the gangs, because he didn't think he was smart enough or even prepared to be in studying in the university. jesper is constantly hiding behind a mask or running from things because he's scared of not being enough

an kaz is everything jes in a way wishes he could be. kaz is secure in himself (at least on the outside), he's stable, he's smart, he's "unshakeable". and most of all, he doesn't care about others (we know that's not true but that's how he presents himself)

and that's the thing that causes jesper all his problems. because he's insecure because he thinks he's not good enough for the poeple or things he cares about. and he's always trying to do what's best for his loved ones: he went to the ice court to pay his debt for his father, he follows kaz everywhere beacause he cares about him, he offered to read to wylan (knowing it wouldn't be easy for him to be still that long).

and yeah it often doesn't work out becuase he's messy and he has problems but he tries. and he hates that. he hates that he cares so much about people because at the end of the day, that's what makes him feel like he's not good enough

one more thing and i'm done i promise

unpopular opinion but i love that leigh made jesper have a crush on kaz. 1 beacuse it's refreshing to see someone not get otgether with his first crush. and 2 because i love that it shows that we sometimes get attached to people that are not good for us, but that we can learn to move on. jesper ended with wylan who respects him and values him, unlike kaz

ok i'm sorry that was probably all bs

oo one more thing, jesper definetly has rsd (rejection sensitive disphoria), which is something most poeple with adhd have

"My father used to take me everywhere with him"

this is so sad. bc they probably had a good relationship when he was little. and then they figured he coudln't read and now his father treats him like shit

it's even worse than if he haf been horrible from the beginning because wylan knows he can be a good father. and so he thinks it's his fault and he deserves to be treated like that. i hate van eck

"You're cuter when you're smart"

(...)

"Definitely cuter when you're smart"

wesper yesssss

i love them so much

ok but why do people think jesper is stupid. like the boy just made a bunch of criminals pass out by mixing some chemicals

and he was going to the university at like 15

AAAAND NOW THEY KNOW HE'S A FABRIKATOR

amazing plot twist

also:

Wylan coughed. Flirting with him might actually be more fun that annoying him, but it was a close call.

oooo come on jesper we all know you just love getitng him to blush

and you love him

who said that? definitely not me, nope

awwww jesper misses being around animals that's cute

imagine him coming home to wylan one day with a puppy because he just couldn't resist

cute

Better terrible truths than kind lies

just leaving here more of inej's wisdom

ok this may be a reach but jesper has adhd part ???

Yellow Protocol? Red Protocol? He couldn't remember which was which. (...)

"The alarm was Yellow Protocol, a sector disturbance."

Jesper pushed at his temples. "I don't remember what that means"

a bad working memory? sounds familiar

kaz loves puzzles

it's canon

"I love puzzles. Trickery is just my native tongue."

this part where wylan and jesper see the banner made with grisha's kefta kills me every time

I would have worn purple, Jesper thought, if I'd joined the Second Army. (...) He'd beenwilling, even eager to risk capture and execution as a thief and hired gun. Why was it worse to think about being hunted as a Grisha?

this makes me want to cry so much

another thing super sad: the fact that since his father is Kaelish and had some supersititons towards grisha, jesper grew up wondering if his own father was scared of him. he had to hide his powers and he was almost taught to be afraid of them

"Is it safe to leave them, you know-"

"Alive? I'm not big on killing unconscious men."

"We could wake them up"

WYLAN

NO

damn the boy needs therapy

it's amazing how nothing went like they planned

not a single thing

PEOPLE GET READY

ARE YOU READY?

NEITHER AM I BUT WHO CARES

"What do you like?"

"Music. Numbers. Equations. They are not like words. They...they don't get mixed up."

ok dude the clues are right there he's basically saying it

"If only you could talk to girls in equations."

There was a long silence, and then, eyes trained on the notch they'd created in the link, Wylan said, "Just girls?"

Jesper restrained a grin. "No. Not just girls." It really was a shame they were all probably going to die tonight.

wylan really said a straight man?? couldn't be me

this is the definition of bi panic "jesper restrained a grin" bitch we saw that

btw i love the slow burn

like they hint something here but they don't actually start liking each other until much later and they don't get together until almost the end of ck

i also love that the fact that they both like guys is like out in the open now. bc i'm not a fan of when queer characters have a crush and there's the whole thing of "are they queer too or not?"

like they both know htey are queer. but they don't get together right away bc they have to start liking each other before. they don't get together bc they are the only queer mlm characters

matthias fake betrayal killed me

i tought it was real

I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept fom this oath.

this is just-

also foreshadowing?

YAYY KUWEI HI

There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong, and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.

She's laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and got drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him.

if i ever have a s/o and they don't tell me this at least once i don't want it

He needed to tell her... what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn't pull himslef together into some smeblance of a man for her

THIS

THIS IS LOVE RIGHT THERE

they are the only straight couple that matters

everyone else go home

Wylan had scratches all over his cheeks and neck. He was beaming. Inej grabbed his hands and sqeezed.

so cute omg

"You can explain why our illustrious Shu scientist looks like one of Wylan's school pals along the way"

KAZ

i mean it's true but you didn't have to say it

KAZ IS SMILING OMG

EVERYONE FREAK OUT WITH ME

HE'S "grinning like and idiot" STOP I LOVE HIM

"We are all someone's mosnter, Nina"

"I will have you without armour, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all"

this part breaks my heart and i love it

"Stay," she oanted. Tears leaked from her eyes. "Stay till the end"

"And after," he said. "And always."

i just- helnik is perfect

AWWW JESPER MISSES WYLAN

my daily dosis of wesper :)

ok but in like 2 pages jesper tought of wylan like 10 times bc he's sad wy isn't with him

Jesper scanned the empty deck. He's assumed Wylan would come up to see them off. (...)

Jesper knew he was being selfish and stupid, but some petty part of him wondered if Wylan had deliberately kept away from him on the journey back. Maybe now that the job was complete and he was on his way to his share of the haul, Wylan was done slumming with criminals.

*charles boyle's insinuating voice* and why do you care so much???

btw YOU ARE WRONG. HE'S LITERALLY GOING OUT OF HIS WAY TO BE WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH HE CAN'T SPEAK

this scene where we find out the truth about wylan hurts so much but it's one of my favourites idk why

I LOVE THAT EVERYONE IS AS MAD AS I AM ABOUT THE LETTERS NOW

"Your're a fool," Jesper snarled. "He smarter than most of us put together, and he deserves a better father than you."

YES TELL HIM

the fact that wylan just heard him say that omg

"Deserved" amended Van Eck. He blew the whislte twice.

SOMEONE BETTER GRAB ME BEFORE I KILL HIM MYSLEF

THAT IDIOT

I HATE HIM SO MUCH

I'M GONNA CRY CAN SOMEONE KILL HIM FOR ME

Jesper screamed in rage and raised his guns.

YES EXACLTY WHAT I MEANT

JUST KILL HIM RIGHT NOW

"I'm not big on bludding, am I Inej?"

"Not as a rule"

Van Eck's lip curled. "And why is that?"

"Because he'd rather cheat," said the boy who was not Kuwei Yul-Bo in perfect, unaccented Kerch.

THIS WAS PERFECT

THE BEST WAY TO REVEAL THAT

(...), and Jesper flinched

baby he recognized wylan's voice

The Shu boy held out a hand. "Pay up, Kaz"

BITCH THIS IS AMAZING

THIS BOY MADE A BET WITH A CRIMINAL THAT HIS OWN FATHER WAS GOING TO TRY TO KILL HIM

AND HE WON THE BET

A nearly perfect replica of Kuwei Yul-Bo stood before them, but he had Wylan's voice, his mannerisms, and - though Kaz could see the fear and hurt in his golden eyes - Wylan's surprising courage, too.

i love it when they compliment him

my boy deserves all the compliments ever

AND KAZ IS PROUD OF HIS SON WE ALL KNOW THIS

Wylan cuold draw a perfectt elevation. He's made a drill that could cut throu Grisha glass from parts of a gate and scavenged bits of jewellery. So what if he couldn't read

this is taking me to some real places

i may cry you've been warned

WYLAN DIDN'T CARE THAT HE MAY BE STUCKED LOOKING LIKE KUWEI

this is making me cry

"A fool would have been waiting to be smashed to bits on that ship. And as for "traitor", you've called me worse in the last few minutes alone."

EXACTLY

YOU TELL HIM WYLAN

Instead, in that moment of threat, when he should have thought only of the fight, he looked at Inej.

BABY

i would've done the same tho she's pretty

amita is sooo pretty i'm gonna die when the show comes out

Jesper was staring at Wylan, his eyes roving over the black hair, the golden eyes. "Why?" he said at last. "Why would you do this?"

nothing to say here except: wesper

You... how many times was it you standing beside me on the deck at night when I tought it was Kuwei?"

"Every time."

i want to cry so bad

"Why does it matter?"

"I don't know!" Jesper said angrily. "Maybe I liked your stupid face."

a very staright and platonic thing to say of course

i know jes we all liked his stupid face

"Jesper made a mistake," said Wylan. "A stupid mistake, but he didn't set out to betray anyone."

YES WYLAN DEFEND YOUR BOYFRIEND

And maybe he'd kept him in the dark about Wyllan because he wanted to punish him a little

even kaz know they like each other come on

Jesper sat with elbows on knees, head in hands. Wylan deside him wearing th face of a stranger.

wylan give him a hug fro me please

he needs it

"Scheming face," murmured Jesper.

"Definitely," agreed Wylan.

i miss inej already

And I'm going to get my girl. Inej could never be his, not really, but he would find a way to give her the freedom he´d promised her so long ago.

i'm ugly crying and so what?

and now we're done....

i want to read this book again omg this is unhealthy

[lunaajade]

Everything You Need to Know about “Shadow and Bone” on Netflix (*UPDATED: POSSIBLE LANGUAGE OF THORNS ADAPTATION INFO)

 Since it’s recently been confirmed that we’d be getting S&B content in a few days (finally!), I thought I’d compile and summarize as much info as I could to refresh everyone’s memories! Please spread the word/share this post to those who aren’t up to date! (I’ve seen some people online who are worried about how it’s going to turn out, and I’d like to be able to hopefully reassure those people)

Now, there’s a LOT of stuff, so there’s always the chance I missed/forgot something. This post will be split up into categories based on type of info, so here we go! I went back and listened to/watched both of the big live streams (NYCC and the S&B Charity Competition), went on the Grishaverse Reddit, etc. to find as much (extra/bonus) stuff as I could. (If I missed anything/got something wrong, please feel free to leave a comment!)

Update: A lot of people have been asking where it was confirmed we were getting content soon. I found out from one of the update accounts I follow.

Thanks for reading, everyone!

General/Key Info About the Show

-This first season will be adapting both “Shadow and Bone” and what has been dubbed a “Book 0″ (most likely meaning prequel/backstory/set-up) for “Six of Crows” -In relation to the above point, the timelines are being brought together for the show. (Normally in the books, the two series are set two years apart)(We don’t know how exactly or what this means for the story, but I have a really interesting theory that I thought up in relation to this, message me if you’d like to hear it.) -Leigh acknowledges and understands that some of us have doubts and are worried about the show, but she has publicly assured us (numerous times) of how much she loves the show and cast, how well she thinks the crew/writers did in bringing the Grishaverse to life, etc. See a later point below in the Facts/Tidbits section -The first season will have 8, one-hour long episodes -Alina has been made half Shu (half Asian) for the show! Leigh stated that was decided on after she and Eric had a lengthy discussion on Alina’s character. -The main cast (as in confirmed to be in all episodes) is comprised of Jessie Mei Li (as Alina), Archie Renaux (as Mal), Ben Barnes (as the Darkling), Freddy Carter (as Kaz), Amita Suman (as Inej), and Kit Young (as Jesper) -Wylan and Nikolai are NOT in the first season. (Nikolai didn’t appear until the second book, and Leigh confirmed that at this point in the story, the Crows had not met Wylan yet.) -Other cast members include Danielle Galligan (as Nina), Calahan Skogman (as Matthias), Daisy Head (as Genya), Sujaya Dasgupta (as Zoya), Luke Pasqualino (as David), Julian Kostov (as Fedyor), Simon Sears (as Ivan), Zoe Wanamaker (as Baghra), and more! -The Darkling will also be called “General Kirigan” in the show. From what we know, The Darkling will be the “enemy” to Ravka (so in essence, General Kirigan is his alias/fake persona (what he’ll most likely be referred to for most of the show), and no one knows that he’s actually their enemy. (Meaning it’ll most likely a super big moment when they learn their general was actually the Darkling in disguise)). -The show was shot on location in Budapest, Hungary. (And additional filming took place this past fall in Vancouver) -In order, the 8 episodes are titled the following: “A Searing Burst of Light”, “We’re All Someone’s Monster”, “The Making at the Heart of the World”, “Otkazat’sya”, “Show Me Who You Are”, “The Heart is An Arrow”, “The Unsea”, & “No Mourners”.

Other (Fun) Facts/Tidbits About the Show

-Upon seeing Jessie’s audition, Leigh loved her audition/portrayal of Alina so much that she apparently stated that she wanted her to play Alina or she’d be out of the project. She was sent five auditions to watch, Jessie’s was the third, and she said she didn’t bother watching the rest of them. -Leigh stated that she and Eric Heisserer (the creator of the show) said they were on the same page from the first meeting. All other past meetings with producers and companies about possible adaptations had left her with a bad feeling, but she said they’d had the same ideas about inclusion, story, staff, etc. She said she’s loved the respect he’s shown towards the work (and, in a way, to us the fans) -Netflix apparently also has the rights to adapt “The Language of Thorns” , though we’ve gotten no info on that adaptation yet. (UPDATE: I just watched a Leigh Bardugo event from Feb 2019 (a few weeks after the show was first announced, I think): As of  that day, she said that she thought that they were going to use LoT more for "texture” (IMO that might mean worldbuilding?) in the show. And I don’t know if she was talking about LoT specifically because she was very vague, but she said that there were certain things in the show that she thinks readers will be really excited about. Again, this was over a year ago, back when they were still in pre-production and stuff, so don’t take my word for it. Besides this, I couldn’t find anything else relating to a possible LoT adaptation. Maybe they’ll have the stories from LoT appear as actual folk tales told in the show, and that’s the “adaptation”? IDK. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpHnw8Ygw5c&t=1906s)) -Leigh is an exec. producer on the show! I’m no expert, so I don’t know how much say/power she had in the process, but she definitely had some. -There is a RAVKAN edition of the “Shadow and Bone” book that Leigh says makes a cameo in the show! -Jesper’s guns had custom etchings done on them by a Hungarian antique gunsmith! (And they were so good that Leigh and Eric said that it looked like it belonged in a museum--they were also described to be quite heavy!) -Eric Heisserer is the creator of the show, he is an award-winning writer, well known for “Arrival”, “Bird Box”, and more. (If I remember correctly, Leigh said that he’d reached out to her about making the show!) -A DeKappel painting (maybe the one owned by Van Eck?) was confirmed to be in the pilot episode. -Pekka Rollins and Tante Heleen have been confirmed to be in the first season, but their casting has (up to this point) not yet been revealed. -Bo Yul-Bayur is confirmed to be in the show! (Though Kuwei has not) -Leigh will have  a cameo in (I think) Episode 5! She will be wearing a Materialki kefta and will be opening a door, if I remember correctly. -A lot of the crew was also extremely passionate about the project and fans of the books -The “Lives of Saints” book that was published in October is an actual book/prop that is appearing in the show! -I’m personally fine with Mal, but Leigh says that Archie is going to change everyone’s minds with his portrayal! -The costume designer for the show is Wendy Partridge, known for her work on “Thor: The Dark World”, “Pompeii”, and more!  -The composer for the show is Joe Trapanese, known for composing for “The Greatest Showman”, “Straight Outta Compton”, “Lady and the Tramp”, and more! At the NYCC Grishaverse panel, they revealed a little bit of the score (”Grisha Theme”): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFxIEbsHKJA 

Fun Cast/On Set Stories/Facts

-The cast all loves each other, and are all extremely passionate about this show, which is great! (Leigh said that on her second visit to the set, she heard them singing together) -Leigh says that Ben Barnes once snuck up behind her on her first day on set and scared her by whispering “Fine, make me your villain” -Freddy’s favorite Grishaverse book is “Six of Crows”, but most specifically the first line of chapter 2 (”Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason.”) -Jessie would apparently come to set on some of her days off to support the cast and crew! -Sujaya has stated that her favorite Grishaverse character is Nikolai! (#Zoyalai) -Freddy has become famous/popular with the fandom, one of the reasons being because he often comments on posts/live streams asking something along the lines of “What was it like working with Freddy Carter? xoxo” -Danielle loves Nina and her journey in “King of Scars” -According to a Tweet, Freddy and Leigh said that there had been a scene with “a very pesky gate”--Freddy said that it “wouldn’t be proper to tweet the expletives [he] used that day” and that he thinks he “scarred” Amita and Eric. -Amita’s favorite thing about Inej is her silence, and her favorite Grishaverse book is “Six of Crows” (as of May, where we learned this during a live-stream, she said she’s read it three times and listened to the audiobook twice.) -There was a waffle truck on set on the last day of shooting! -Calahan says that if he could play any other Grishaverse character, he’d want to play Nikolai! -While she did work with the trainer to get more physically fit, Amita learned most of her knife techniques by herself! -Leigh said she cried a lot while on set! (She said there was one scene they were shooting that she has a very clear, vivid memory of writing many years back--based on the context of which she was talking about it, if I had to guess, I’d guess she’s describing the Winter Fete.) -Leigh also said that on one of her first days on set, it was funny/weird to see all the extras in First Army uniforms chilling on their phones, drinking coffee, etc. -One of Calahan’s favorite character dynamics in the books is the dynamic between Kaz and Matthias -There was a moment where Amita was fully in costume and doing amazing, graceful knife work, only to trip and fall when she’d finished. -Amita and Jessie and Sujaya were best friends on set. -Sujaya loved everything about playing Zoya. (Especially her confidence) -Leigh says one of her favorite props was Kaz’s cane, especially because of what it meant to her and the story. -If he could be any Grisha order, Calahan says he’d want to be a Corporalki -Calahan loves Matthias’s journey/arc. -Kit’s favorite Grishaverse book is “Crooked Kingdom”!

Links

-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X65iI1YXrbU (NYCC Grishaverse Panel) -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHou5rVs6o0 (S&B Talent Show Charity Live Stream ft. the S&B Cast!--the IG video got taken down because Archie deleted his IG account and switched to a new one) -https://www.netflix.com/title/80236319 (”Shadow and Bone” on Netflix!) -https://twitter.com/shadowandbone_ (Official “Shadow and Bone” Twitter!) -https://www.instagram.com/shadowandbone/?hl=en (Official “Shadow and Bone” Instagram!) -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRh-Pmbynww (Annoucement made by cast when filming wrapped! (can be found on the social media accounts, but here’s a link to YT)) -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bpY8uLtyB4 (A S&B Cast Crack video by HeartPhantom--it highlights a lot of the inside jokes and memes that we’ve gotten to witness among the cast, and also just generally shows off how hilariously chaotic everyone is (this cast is the definition of chaotic good, lol))

[wondereads]

Personal Review (09/19/21)

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Why am I reviewing this book?

I first read this book in freshman year when it was the only book my entire book club liked. Now, it's really grown in popularity and a TV show has come out, so it seemed like a great time to reread it (because I didn't remember a thing) and finally finish the duology.

Plot 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Six criminal teenagers pull off a heist to break someone out of the most secure prison in the world for a prize that could solve all their problems. They are lead by Kaz Brekker, a thief so ruthless he verges on urban legend, and consist of Inej, an acrobat-turned-spy paying off her indenture, Jesper, a sharpshooter with a gambling addiction, Nina, a heartrender who'll flirt with anything with a pulse, Matthias, a disgraced witch hunter in it for a pardon, and Wylan, a demolitions expert with no field experience.

The plot is so incredibly fast-paced. Even at the beginning, when the scene is being set and they're just preparing for the trip, gang stand-offs and long-standing grudges keep the story moving. The heist itself is one of the most ingenious, chaotic things I've ever read, and then it ends with a horrible cliffhanger that will make you instantly pick up the next book. In case you can't wrap your mind around it, the Ice Court Heist is so clever it takes me a moment to understand how the characters get from Point A to Point B, and yet I never once stopped in confusion because things were explained as they went.

My only complaint is that it relies a little heavily on the worldbuilding established in Shadow and Bone. For example, Nina's powers, while exemplified throughout the book, are never really explained. I remember when I read it for the first time that I had no idea what a Grisha was, and I kind of just had to pick up context clues because there is no definition given.

Characters 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

The character development in this book is impeccable. Each of the six gets their own arc (complete with a tragic backstory), and their development is worked into the plot, which forces them to face their troubles straight on. Buckle in, this is a long section.

Kaz, everyone's favorite, heartless, teenage mob boss, who starts off so unemotional at the beginning, gradually begins to allow himself to feel again. It's only for Inej, not everyone, but it's a start. His backstory is absolutely horrific, and, even though he is the self-titled Bastard of the Barrel, you find yourself rooting for him.

Inej's revelation in the incinerator shaft (yes, that is an actual part of the book) made me want to cheer. After so many aimless years, I was so proud of her to have established a clear goal for herself, and such a badass one too. I also appreciated that she set some clear boundaries with Kaz since a lot of YA romances tend to just throw away those sorts of reasonable concerns in favor of ~true love~.

Jesper makes me hurt. I really feel for him; he's the prime example of a kid in too deep, and I think if any of them got their money I would want it to be him so he can fix his past mistakes and start again. Besides that, he's a funny character that isn't reduced to comic relief, and I like action best from his perspective.

Nina is a walking easter egg for fans of Shadow and Bone. I didn't realize it my first go because I hadn't read the original trilogy, but the number of times she name-drops a character or event from there...I loved it. She's a levelheaded, badass woman who's comfortable in sexuality but not oversexualized. I do wish she'd gotten some more attention here, but I do know that the bulk of her arc is in Crooked Kingdom.

Matthias grew on me. I didn't like him much, but he presented an interesting dilemma–loyalty to love or loyalty to home. I liked watching the struggle between his beliefs and what he's been taught and the new friends he's made and their contrasting lifestyles. I also appreciate that he is the #1 simp for the girls in the group.

Finally, Wylan is a bit tough. There are no chapters from his perspective in the first book, which makes sense because he's got some information that would spoil everything. Still, he was absolutely hilarious in my opinion and his gradual corruption through his time spent with the crows was great. I mean, this fifteen-year-old kid wanted to wake up guards so Jesper could kill them guilt-free.

Writing Style 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

The writing is really good. It shifts nicely between the more serious and humorous scenes. I think the romance is written very well. There's quite a bit of it and yet it never overpowers the plot. I never had a moment of "please dear god we get it you're in love let's move on now", which is something that plagues YA.

As for the humor, it was really good in this book. There were points I had to hold back a snort because I was in class, and each of the characters, even Kaz and Matthias, got a chance for a fun one-liner or sarcastic quip. "My ghost won't associate with your ghost."

Meaning 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 N/A

Be gay do crime. I'd say I'm just kidding but this book pretty much says breaking into a prison for a bounty is okay if you and your friends really need the money.

Overall 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

This book was great the first time and amazing the second time. It was well written, it was fast-paced, it was funny, it made me feel, it was all the things a good book should be. It's probably one of the best YA adventure books out there, and any adult would probably be able to read this and enjoy it. There's a reason it's so popular! I would recommend this book to people who enjoy heists, three-dimensional characters, and morbid humor.

The Author

Leigh Bardugo: 46, Israeli-American, Jewish, also wrote Shadow and Bone and Ninth House

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose; I try to post a review every two weeks, and I take recommendations. Check out my about me post for more!

[trulivin]

On the Job

Golden Eyes Part 2 | Part 1

A/N: SURPRISE SURPRISE. Here it is! (Finally). One down, seven more to go. Sorry it’s taken so long, but I hope you enjoy this! As always, send feedback! Enjoy! I figured you guys would like this better than another update. I got a lot of this done last night so I did my finishing touches tonight. Hopefully I caught all of my mistakes! 

Also I’m thinking about doing a tag list for whenever I post imagines? Lemme know what you think.

P.S Let me know if the link works for Part 1. My computer is being janky right now. 

Kaz Brekker x Reader, Six of Crows

Warnings: Slight abuse, cursing 

*Hopefully my gif works this time*

Y/N went straight to Jesper after she left Kaz’s room. “Well hello there Ms. Sharpshooter,” Jesper bowed, jokingly as she approached. Y/N shot him a grin before asking, “So Kaz says you have a job to do and I was wondering if I could tag along?” Jesper thought for a moment, but the mischievous look on his face told her she was already allowed. 

“Hmm? Let’s see you could take anyone’s eyes out in a moment or shoot them in the head. I think you can,” Jesper replied. “Besides, we need someone to draw our target out anyways. And with those golden eyes of yours I think you can do it.” 

Y/N’s face faltered a bit, but she nodded refusing to let the idea of playing the seductress ruin this. “Great so I’ll come get you tomorrow and fill you in before we go,” Jesper smiled before heading off to the Crow Club. “Awesome,” Y/N muttered, sulking again. Of course it had to be this type of job, she thought to herself. 

“There’s the girl I was looking for!” Inej exclaimed, dancing gracefully over to Y/N, snapping her out of her thoughts. Y/N gave her a small smile and Inej’s face dropped. “What now?” she asked. “Nothing,” Y/N said as innocently as she could. “Bullshit,” Inej pursed her lips. “Nothing I swear! Kaz finally let me go on my first job with Jesper,” Y/N said. 

Inej narrowed her eyes and prompted, “But.” 

“But,” Y/N huffed, “Jesper said they needed someone as bait. And I’m said bait.” 

A look of sympathy flashed across Inej’s face, before she grabbed Y/N’s hands, leading her to her room so they could talk in private. 

Once the girls were settled, Inej said, “You don’t have to go you know. Kaz wouldn’t think anything of it.” But Y/N shook her head. “I have to go. I just got everyone to shut up,” Y/N said. “But Y/N, we both know you got the worst of it at the Menagerie,” Inej said quietly. Y/N sighed recalling all of the horrible memories. 

“Look,” Inej started, “I’m just saying, you don’t have to do this type of thing.” 

“I’ll have to at some point. Might as well be now. Besides I’ve practically been begging Kaz to let me go, and I told him I’d be fine. Do you know how embarrassing it would be if I went to him now and said ‘oh wait I can’t do this cause I’m afraid a guy is going to try and feel me up’?” Y/N mumbled. Inej gave her a funny look but said, “Kaz wouldn’t blame you. He’s not one of the nasty men. I mean he doesn’t have a conscience I swear, but he still has some respect for women.” 

Y/N snorted, “It still makes me look weak.” 

“You aren’t.” 

“I know. It’s just time. I can do this Inej. I’ll be okay.”

Inej sighed and eventually nodded in agreement. “Okay, try and get some sleep. Jesper is a hyper one to work with so you should be fully prepared,” Inej smiled, standing up. “I wouldn’t doubt it,” Y/N laughed. “Goodnight!” Inej called before floating out of her room. 

Y/N laid awake for a few more hours telling herself she was going to be fine. “It’s been over a month and you’ve been doing great,” she muttered to herself in the dark. At last, after a long while the restless girl eventually fell into a deep slumber. 

The following morning, Y/N was immediately met by Jesper. Big Bolliger was lingering in the hall behind him and Y/N assumed this was the other guy on the job. Great, she thought to herself. The guy that absolutely hates me now for almost shooting his manhood off. 

“So, you ready?” Jesper asked with wide eyes. Y/N noticed how his leg seemed to be shaking and one hand rested on his pistol, tapping on the side of it. “Uh, sure,” Y/N said. Jesper’s face split into a grin and he rushed by her. “I’ll fill you in when we get to the spot!” he called over his shoulder. 

Big Bolliger shoved past her, obviously still unhappy over the previous day, following Jesper out. Y/N felt a pair of eyes on her and turned to see Kaz making his way down the steps towards Per Haskell’s office. His impassive expression was back, but his eyes were burning with something else. Anxiousness? Concern? Anger? 

No not anger. He’s always mad at something, Y/N told herself. Catching his eye for a moment, she silently told him she was going to be okay before hurrying after Jesper and Big Bolliger. 

Kaz stopped on the landing in front of Per Haskell’s office, finding Y/N’s eyes. Quickly, he found the girl staring at the entrance where the two boys just went through. He could tell she had doubts about going, but he knew she wouldn’t back out much to his dismay. As if she could sense his presence, Kaz saw her turn around and her golden eyes met his. He sucked in a breath and silently wished she would come up to him and say she wasn’t ready and that she changed her mind. 

Unfortunately, the look in her eyes told him the opposite. He saw her eyes soften at the sight of him, but just as quickly as they found his, they pulled away, and Y/N flitted out the door and into the sunlight. 

Unbeknownst to Kaz, Inej saw the whole exchange and grinned at the thought of Y/N and Kaz. 

Y/N eventually caught up with Jesper, having to walk at a very brisk pace. “Saints! Slow down Jesper,” she exclaimed, finally reaching him. “Keep up golden-eyes. I’m in charge today and I set the pace,” Jesper snickered. Y/N glanced around nervously. She felt too exposed weaving in and out of the hustle and bustle of Ketterdam. 

“What exactly is the plan?” She asked. “Wait no, what exactly is it we’re doing?”

“We need to get this slummy little Ravkan trader to cough up some coins he owes Kaz,” Jesper said, “But he is smart enough not to travel by himself because he knows how Ketterdam is. A real con artist if you ask me. Not a very loyal Ravkan considering he hoards most of the kruge for himself instead of actually giving it to his boss.” 

Y/N nodded, trying to dodge more bodies. It was already hot enough with the sun beating down on them. How in the world does Kaz wear a tie everyday? Y/N thought to herself. 

“So,” Jesper continued, “Your job is to get the guy away from his little friend.” Y/N looked around as her, Jesper, and Big Bolliger made their way to a table in front of a little bakery across the street from some club. Y/N was tense. It felt ten times hotter already, and she was very unnerved at how quiet Big Bolliger had been this entire time. 

“There’s an alleyway, just over there,” Jesper pointed diagonally across the street to the left, a few buildings down from the club. “You need to get him over there where I’ll be covering the backside. Big Bolliger will cover where you enter the alley and we’ll handle it from there. Easy peasy,” Jesper concluded. 

Y/N didn’t say a word thinking about how she would have to lure him away from his friend. Tante Haleen’s voice rang out in her head, “Be a serpent girl. Draw them in with those eyes and then strike. The men love it.” 

“You know,” Jesper’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts, “If you aren’t comfortable with this you don’t have to do it. We can find another way.” Y/N glanced at Big Bolliger and he was eagerly waiting for her response. She would not give him the satisfaction. 

Y/N shook her head, “No, I can do this. I’ll be fine. Easy peasy, like you said.” Jesper gave her a wary look but nodded his head. Big Bolliger, however, had a look on his face that ran shivers up Y/N’s spine. He was betting on her to fail so he could chew her out and get her back for yesterday. Y/N gulped and sunk in her seat watching the crowd roll by and trying not to vomit all over the table. 

After about thirty minutes of waiting, Jesper nudged her arm, “There he is.” He pointed to two fairly pale, slimy looking school-boys. The target was the taller of the two, but almost sickly like. The boy had absolutely no muscle on his body, but had a slight gut popping out from his stained shirt. 

“That’s the con artist?” Y/N asked in complete shock. She stifled a laugh as Jesper rolled his eyes. “Yes he doesn’t look like much, but that guy is pretty good at what he does. His friend on the other hand is just along for the ride,” he said. 

“Jesper, this guy is like our age,” Y/N burst out laughing. “Yes yes I know. But Kaz needed him to run something to another guy. Then the other guy made the mistake of telling him to take money back to Kaz and well you get the idea,” Jesper said. 

“Let’s go,” Big Bolliger snapped, interrupting their conversation and standing up, walking away before the two could say anything. Jesper and Y/N then stood up and he turned to Y/N one last time. “Look it’ll be ok. We’ll be just around the corner and will be on the guy as soon as you get him in the alley,” Jesper smiled at her before disappearing in the crowd. 

Y/N took in a nervous breath before making her way towards the two guys in front of the club. Putting up her best facade, she waltzed up to them, eyes on the taller one. “Win good, boys?” Y/N smirked, batting her eyes. Everything inside of her was screaming to run. 

The two Ravkans eyed her curiously, but the target took the bait. “No not today, sadly,” he said with a thick accent. “Oh that’s too bad,” Y/N pouted, resting a hand on his shoulder. The guy reeked. 

“I’m sure there are other ways to make up for it though,” she whispered, biting her lip. Gag. The man liked where this was heading, and allowed his hand to slip over her back, grabbing her waist and pulling her close. Y/N stiffened as his hand slid dangerously low. 

She pushed aside her fear and said, “Why don’t we go somewhere a little more private? I’m sure your friend won’t mind.” The guy smirked and turned to his friend, speaking something in their native language. She only understood bits of Ravkan, but this was surely something she didn’t want to hear. The two guys shared a disgusting look and high-fived before he said, “All set.” 

“Wonderful,” Y/N muttered as she turned her back to him, pulling him towards the alley. The guy stayed very close behind her. Y/N felt the weight of his hand on her lower back, slipping ever so slightly lower. She suppressed her shutter and kept telling herself, just a few more feet. Memories of slimy men flipped through her mind like a movie, and Y/N felt as if the walls were closing in around her. 

Every step she took, Y/N heard the comments about how such a little girl was so beautiful, but along with that Tante Haleen’s words echoed through her mind as well. Every beating, every client who made her cry, everything terrible. 

But one voice kept her walking, ignoring the man’s hand, ignoring his breath on her neck. I don’t want to see you get hurt like that again. You don’t deserve it. Kaz’s voice was the loudest of them all. She didn’t know why, but she didn’t care. He kept her from drowning, and his voice gave her that sense of hope that she could make it through this. 

Y/N felt a wave of relief rush through her as she could see the alley maybe six feet in front of her now. She turned towards the Ravkan and gave him a mischievous grin. He took the bait yet again, grabbing her waist and pulling her close. His head found the crook of her neck and started placing wet, nasty kisses. Y/N had to physically hold back her puke. 

Just as they were about to stumble into the shadows, a very familiar voice rang out, “Is that my serpent?” Y/N froze. Tante Haleen was staring directly at her with an ice cold glare. “You bitch!” she shrieked. The Ravkan pulled away from her and gave her a confused look. “You know this girl?” he asked the Peacock as she was approaching them. “Oh I know this one all right,” Tante snapped. “She wanted out of my house for the longest time. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s playing you right now! She doesn’t like when men touch her,” she sneered.

The Ravkan glanced around nervously. Y/N couldn’t move or speak. “If you’re going to act like this then I’ll just bring you back to where you belong!” Tante Haleen screeched pushing through the crowd. The Ravkan took one more glance at Y/N before bolting. Before Y/N had known what happened though, Big Bolliger’s body slammed into the Ravkan and dragged him into the alleyway, not before shoving Y/N onto the ground. Tante Haleen reached the girl on the ground and yanked her up by her hair. Memories of the night Y/N took the beating in public resurfaced. 

“I told you I’d take you back in chains,” the woman snarled in Y/N’s face. Tante’s hand ran across her cheek and Y/N could feel the tears burning in her eyes. She slapped her repeatedly and threw the girl back on the ground. You don’t deserve it. 

Y/N’s head cleared as soon as she heard Kaz’s words echo through her mind. They were as clear as day. “No,” Y/N mumbled, finally able to form words. 

“Excuse me?” 

“No,” Y/N said more firmly, meeting the woman’s gaze. “I will not!” 

Instinctively, Y/N kneed the woman in the stomach and sent her crumbling to the ground. She knew how to fight back. “I’m not scared of you anymore,” Y/N hissed, kicking Tante square in the face. The woman was knocked out cold. Y/N shook herself out and ran into the alley.

Big Bolliger had the Ravkan pinned up against the wall as he was struggling to get something from his pockets. “Thank you, thank you,” Jesper said as the guy handed him two pouches. “Alright I think we got it all,” Jesper said after counting. Y/N let out a sigh of relief as Big Bolliger let the man drop. The Ravkan immediately took off in the opposite direction and disappeared around the corner. 

However, Big Bolliger then rounded on her. He came storming at her, shoving her against the wall. She felt his hands close around her throat. Everything was starting to cave in on her again and her mind went back to awful times when men pulled stuff on her like this. “Whoa whoa!” Jesper exclaimed trying to pull him off, but he just shoved him out of the way. “What the hell was that?” Big Bolliger snarled in Y/N’s face. Y/N found herself at a loss for words again, partially from being strangled at the moment.

“You try an act all tough, but I see right through you. And you just proved it! You could’ve ruined the whole job, bitch,” his words cut through her like a knife. “All you’ll ever be is some whore that Brekker decided to pull off the streets for himself.” Ouch. 

“Dude, let her go, she did fine,” Jesper interjected. Big Bolliger glared at Y/N for a moment longer before releasing her. Y/N collapsed, coughing and gasping for air. Jesper knelt down beside her placing a hand on her back, but she flinched away from him. 

Big Bolliger snorted, “I guess I was wrong. Can’t even take a man’s touch. Looks like you can’t even be a whore right.” Y/N felt tears start to fall. Why did Kaz pick her? She thought miserably. 

“That’s enough!” Jesper snarled at Big Bolliger. “Let’s go.”

“Whatever. It’s your funeral when Brekker finds out what happened,” Big Bolliger shoved past Jesper and disappeared back in the crowd. “C’mon,” he said gently, but did not touch the shaking girl. Y/N slowly stood, feeling the throbbing in her neck from his fingers. She still felt like she couldn’t breathe. There were probably marks left too. 

Jesper and Y/N made their way back to the Slat slowly. Big Bolliger was already back by the time the pair came in. Kaz’s jaw locked as soon as he caught sight of Y/N’s face. He was not happy. Inej was by her side in an instant, “What happened?” Y/N just shook her head and made her way over to where Kaz and Big Bolliger were sitting. Jesper laid the bags down in front of Kaz as Big Bolliger said, “We were lucky I got there in time. What were you thinking sending her on a job?” 

He felt pretty confident with Kaz. “I mean, she froze and almost lost the guy cause what?” Big Bolliger faced Y/N again. Kaz noticed how she physically shrunk away from his gaze, her golden eyes wide with terror again. Kaz also saw light bruising around her neck and her face stained with tears and red marks. 

“Cause the woman from the Menagerie came to talk to her,” Big Bolliger answered before Y/N could. If she could even speak. Kaz got the sneaking suspicion that the bruises around her neck were not from the Peacock though. His hard gaze turned back to Big Bolliger. 

“What happened to her neck?” he growled. Big Bolliger’s face went pale, but he didn’t answer. “What happened to her neck?” Kaz repeated, his anger rising. When no one answered, Jesper stepped in, “This lunatic grabbed her and threw her up against the damn wall! We got the job done didn’t we?” He exclaimed. 

Y/N had never seen it before, and she was sure no one else had either. Kaz completely lost it. The table was flipped in front of him and Kaz’s cane collided with Big Bolliger’s face. “What the hell!” He cried in pain. “I stepped in when she froze up! She needed to be put in place.”

Kaz kicked Big Bolliger in the stomach causing him to hunch over in pain. “You know damn well the job got done and was successful. She got the guy over to you. I don’t care if you’re the strongest, the biggest, the whatever, you do not lay your hands on her again if you want to keep them. Suck up your pride and get over what happened yesterday,” Kaz hissed, leaning over the quivering boy, with a fistful of hair in his hand. “And get the fuck out.”  

No one dared utter a word as Kaz lifted himself up from his squatting position. Big Bolliger’s face was swollen and his eyes were now swimming with fear. Y/N had never seen Kaz so angry, and the worst part was that his eyes burned with fury much like Tante Haleen’s did whenever she disobeyed. 

“Don’t you all have other stuff to do?” Kaz snapped. The crowd broke apart as everyone scurried away like mice. Inej clung to Y/N’s arm as Kaz turned to the two girls. “Go, Inej,” he said through gritted teeth, obviously not trying to yell at his Wraith. They stared at each other for a hard moment as if she was challenging him. Eventually, his eyes narrowed and he huffed, “I’m not going to hurt her.” 

Inej still didn’t budge. 

“It’s okay,” Y/N said quietly to her as Kaz glared back. After a moment, Inej dropped her gaze and muttered, “You have a real bad habit of saying everything is okay when it isn’t.” “I know, but this time it is,” Y/N managed a strained smile before removing her arm from Inej’s and moving silently over to Kaz. For the first time in the entire day, Y/N finally felt safe. 

Too many of the wrong hands had been on her and she didn’t want to feel suffocated anymore, and with Kaz, that’s exactly what she could get. He glanced at Y/N before heading back up the steps. 

Soon enough, he and Y/N found themselves back in his room just as they were the previous day. This time Y/N finally broke down as soon as the door was closed. The horrible memories of every beating came back to her, and the stench of the Ravkan filled her nose again. Before she could stop it, she finally spilled the contents in her stomach. 

When it was all out, she felt sufficiently better and stared at the nasty puddle of puke on the floor and realized what she had just done. “I am so sorry,” Y/N looked up at Kaz who seemed to be grimacing a bit, refusing to look at the floor. “I--” Y/N’s voice died in her mouth. 

“No, no, it’s uh fine. I’ll make someone else clean it up. I’m honestly surprised you lasted this long anyways,” Kaz groaned a bit motioning her to move away from the puke. He moved her to the window sill and pushed the window open to let some fresh air in. Y/N sat down as Kaz rested a hand on the frame of the building above his head. 

The fury in his eyes were gone as he studied her tired looking features. There was a prominent bruise forming on her face and a little cut under her eye. His jaw locked again as his eyes wandered down to her neck, where an outline of Big Bolliger’s fingers bruised her neck. 

Y/N squirmed under his gaze as she felt her face heat up. But he still said nothing. He honestly didn’t know what to say. 

Finally, Y/N locked eyes with him, and she saw him take in a sharp breath. It was her eyes, gold as ever. 

“Look, I know what you’re thinking. I’m fine now. Yes I almost lost the guy, but I mean that damn woman,” Y/N started. “I don’t blame you,” Kaz interrupted. “You don’t have to do that,” Y/N hissed. Kaz seemed a bit taken aback at her outburst, but let her continue.

“You don’t need to baby me. I know I screwed up, but you babying me isn’t going to fix anything. We got the job done, I froze. That’s what happens to people like me. I’m broken, Kaz. I still don’t get why you picked me!” Y/N declared, standing up. “I’m broken. It’ll always be like this for me! Maybe I’ll get better but that pain will still be with me. I haven’t seen my family in years, I’ve been beaten, raped, tortured by the hands of disgusting men. I am completely and utterly--”

“Your eyes,” Kaz said softly, interrupting. 

“Wh-what?” Y/N asked, caught off guard at his response. 

“It was your eyes. That’s why I picked you. There was something about you that night. It,” he paused for a moment, taking a hesitant step closer to her. Y/N could feel her heart pounding out of her chest. 

“It reminded me of myself when I was younger,” Kaz admitted. They were chest to chest right now, and he was looking down at her with dark eyes. He closed his eyes for a moment and said, “It reminded me of when my brother died and who the person I was then. I--I used his body as a float. His dead body. All the way back to the mainland,” Kaz took a shaky breath, but continued, “But you. You were me. You were the little boy fighting to survive under the worst conditions. You were that person who didn’t deserve what the world threw at you. The person who didn’t have anyone to protect him. The person who had absolutely no one.” 

“Kaz…” Y/N whispered. He opened his eyes and saw tears running down her face again. Kaz brought a hand up, pausing. Taking a deep breath, he pulled his glove off revealing his slender hands. Y/N had always seen them from far away whenever it was just them, but never this close. She noticed the little scars that decorated his fingers and palm. Just like mine she thought. 

Kaz brought his hand back up to her face and she noticed he was slightly trembling. Y/N wanted to move because she knew he was uncomfortable. She didn’t want to put him in this position. But another part of her wanted to see what he’d do next. Her skin began to itch where his fingers hovered. 

Kaz wanted to do this. He knew what he did and that sick feeling began rising in his stomach without his gloves. Images of Jordie’s corpse flashed through his mind, but he stared into those liquid gold eyes. They were filled with warmth, not the cold water that nearly killed him. His mind screamed, begged him to put his safety net back on, but he wanted to feel her. And he wanted her to feel him. Not the mask of cool and rough material that could have easily reminded her of the rough hands in her past. 

Y/N didn’t dare move. She just let Kaz do what he needed. The next thing she knew, his fingertips were tracing the little scar next to her eye and down her face. For a moment, he allowed her cheek to rest in the palm of his hand while his thumb wiped away a stray tear. His hand was warm on her face and surprisingly soft. She had seen what those hands could do to a person, but  with her, they were gentle. He wasn’t the Bastard of the Barrel right now. He was Kaz Brekker. 

Kaz Brekker. The boy, Y/N had fallen hopelessly and completely in love with. 

And she was the girl with the golden eyes who he had, and would never admit to anyone, fallen head over heels for. 

He was pleased that she didn’t flinch under his touch, but as easily as those eyes melted away that drowning feeling, they still weren’t enough. He let his hand trail down to the bruises on her neck before letting it fall to his side. 

Y/N felt cold air rush around her and she longed for that feeling of warmth. But, she didn’t want to push it. 

“It’ll take time,” Kaz said quietly. She knew what he meant. And he knew she would. “Me too,” she whispered, a small smile on her face. 

Kaz’s mouth quirked up a bit as he saw the brightness in her eyes return. 

And for that moment, they were content in each other’s presence, neither asking for anything more than what they could give in that exact moment. 

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I hope you all enjoyed this! That last scene with them I was listening to ‘A Thousand Years’ by Christina Perry when I was writing to it, and that LITERALLY made it ten times better so I recommend going back and reading it while listening to that song lol.