#jeffrey hatcher

[do-you-know-this-play]

[moorheadthanyoucanhandle]

REDIALING

Check out my review, online at Phoenix Magazine, of Arizona Theatre Company's production of Dial M for Murder...

...which plays through November 3 at Tempe Center for the Arts. I was fascinated to see ATC's production, which is revised for a contemporary audience by playwright Jeffrey Hatcher.

I've always had a soft spot for this show, having played Inspector Hubbard in it back in the '80s at the Peak'n Peek Dinner Theatre in Clymer, New York, directed by the late lamented Ben Agresti. It wasn't necessarily the best show I ever did, but it was certainly one of the most fun.

[adaptations-polls]

Which version of this do you prefer?

[movie-pirate]

[kristipetersenschoonover]

Theatreworks NM earns a white star with SCOTLAND ROAD

review by Kristi Petersen Schoonover Robert Ballard’s 1985 discovery of the Titanic wreck promised answers to many questions about that horrific night in April of 1912. What it failed to remind us is that sometimes, when we get those answers, they may not be the ones we want. This is the crux of Jeffrey Hatcher’s 1992 play Scotland Road—originally produced in Cincinnati and New York City—running…

[ultraericthered]

Favorite Takes - DC

Where I cite my personal favorite non-source material (so film, TV, and video games only) adaptations of some comic book characters.

Clark Kent/Superman

Superman The Movie & Sequels (Christopher Reeve)

All Star Superman (James Denton)

DC Animated Universe (Tim Daly, George Newbern)

My Adventures With Superman (Jack Quaid)

CW DC Universe (Tyler Hoechlin, Brandon Routh)

NOTE: I was never the biggest fan of Dean Cain from Lois & Clark so he couldn't get on here, Tom Welling from Smallville might've been a contender had his character and story not got so bastardized, and the less said of poor Henry Cavill from the DCEU, the better.

Lois Lane

DC Animated Universe (Dana Delany)

All Star Superman (Christina Hendricks)

Superman The Movie & Sequels (Margot Kidder)

TV Versions (Terri Hatcher, Erica Durance, and Elizabeth Tulloch)

My Adventures With Superman (Alice Lee)

Lex Luthor

DC Animated Universe (Clancy Brown)

All Star Superman (Anthony LePaglia)

Smallville (Michael Rosenbaum)

CW DC Universe (Jon Cryer, Michael Cudlitz)

DC DTV Universe(s) (James Marsters, Jason Isaacs)

JLA (James Woods) & Young Justice (Mark Rolston)

NOTE: The last two get a split spot since one of them's got the voice of an evil political fascist while the other got his character mangled in later seasons to be a bad parallel to an evil political fascist. I also like the Gene Hackman, Kevin Spacey, Stan Jones, Travis Willingham, Fred Tatasciore, Steve Blum, Ranin Wilson, Giancarlo Esposito, Zachary Quinto, Darin De Paul, Lance Reddick, Marc Maron, and Max Mittelman versions of Lex, and await to see Nicholas Hoult's.

Jimmy Olsen

Batman: The Brave & The Bold (Alexander Polinsky)

DC Animated Universe (David Kaufman)

My Adventures With Superman (Ishmael Sahid)

Superman Returns (Sam Huntington)

All Star Superman (Matthew Gray Gubler)

Supergirl

DC Animated Universe (Nicolle Tom)

DC Superhero Girls (Anais Fairweather)

My Adventures With Superman (Kiana Madeira)

CW DC Universe (Melissa Benoist)

Supergirl '84 Film (Helen Slater)

Brainiac

DC Animated Universe (Corey Burton)

My Adventures With Superman (Michael Emerson)

Injustice Series (Jeffrey Combs)

Superman Unbound (John Noble)

TV Versions (James Marsters and Blake Ritson)

Bruce Wayne/Batman

DC Animated Universe (Kevin Conroy)

Under The Red Hood & Young Justice (Bruce Greenwood)

The Batman Trilogy (Robert Pattinson)

The Dark Knight Trilogy (Christian Bale)

Batman: The Brave & The Bold (Diedrich Bader)

Batman '66 (Adam West)

NOTE: I really wanted David Mazouz from Gotham on here, but he had to compete with these other Bruces who were actually full time Batmen, so consider him an honorable mention. I also like Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, and Ben Affleck as Batman, but there were some problems with their particular iterations. Other runner ups include the other Kevin Conroy Batmen (particularly Arkham and Injustice), Rino Romano, Jeremy Sisto, Daran Norris, Anthony Ruivivar, Ben McKenzie, Jason O'Mara, Troy Baker, Peter Weller, Jensen Anckles, Keanu Reeves, Ethan Hawke, and of course the LEGO Batman(s).

Alfred Pennyworth

Burton-Shumacher Films (Michael Gough)

The Dark Knight Trilogy (Michael Caine)

DC Animated Universe (Clive Revill, Efrem Zimbalist Jr.)

The Batman (Alastair Duncan)

Arkham Series (Martin Jarvis)

Gotham (Sean Pertwee) and The Batman Trilogy (Andy Serkis)

NOTE: Other great Alfreds include James Garrett, Brian George, JB Blanc, David McCallum, Enn Reitel, Anthony Head, Ralph Fiennes, Nolan North, Tom Hollander, Jason Watkins, and Jeremy Irons.

James Gordon

DC Animated Universe (Bob Hastings)

Batman Year One (Bryan Cranston)

The Dark Knight Trilogy (Gary Oldman)

The Batman Trilogy (Jeffrey Wright)

Beware The Batman (Kurtwood Smith)

Batman '66 (Neil Hamilton, Jim Ward)

Barbara Gordon

DC Animated Universe (Melissa Gilbert, Mary Kay Bergman, Tara Strong)

Arkham Series & Injustice Series (Kimberly Brooks)

The Batman (Danielle Judovits)

Young Justice (Alyson Stoner)

Batman: The Brave & The Bold (Mae Whitman)

Batman: Caped Crusader (Krystal Joy Brown)

Dick Grayson/Robin

Teen Titans (Scott Menville)

Young Justice (Jesse McCartney)

Batman '66 (Burt Ward)

The Batman (Evan Sabara)

Batman: The Brave & The Bold (Crawford Wilson, Jeremy Shada)

Arkham Series (Josh Keaton)

Dick Grayson/Nightwing

Teen Titans (Scott Menville)

Young Justice (Jesse McCartney)

DC Animated Universe (Loren Lester)

Under The Red Hood (Neil Patrick Harris)

Arkham Series and Injustice Series (Troy Baker)

DC DTV Universe (Sean Maher)

The Joker

DC Animated Universe (Mark Hamill)

The Dark Knight Trilogy (Heath Ledger)

Burton-Shumacher Films (Jack Nicholson)

Joker 2019 (Joaquin Phoenix)

Under The Red Hood (John DiMaggio)

Gotham (Cameron Monaghan)

NOTE: Other great Jokers include Mark Hamill and Troy Baker as Arkham series Joker, Mark Hamill in JLA, Troy Baker in Batman Unlimited and some of the newer DTVs, Caesar Romero in Batman '66, Michael Emerson in The Dark Knight Returns, Kevin Michael Richardson in The Batman, Jeff Bennett in Batman: The Brave & The Bold, Richard Epcar in Mortal Kombat and Injustice, John Kassir in Superfriends 2010, Alan Tudyk in Harley Quinn, Tony Hale in Batman Ninja, Barry Keogan in The Batman Trilogy, and the LEGO Joker(s).

The Penguin

Batman '66 (Burgess Meredith, William Salyers)

Gotham (Robin Lord Taylor)

The Batman Trilogy (Colin Farrell)

Arkham Series (Nolan North, Ian Redford)

DC Animated Universe (Paul Williams, David Odgen Stiers)

The Batman (Tom Kenny)

NOTE: I like the Stephen Root, David Jennison, Dana Snyder, and Wayne Knight Penguins as well, but they're not quite good enough to crack this. Mad respect to Danny DeVito too, but his Penguin sucks.

The Riddler

Batman '66 (Frank Gorshin*, Wally Wingert)

Gotham (Cory Michael Smith)

The Batman Trilogy (Paul Dano)

The Batman (Robert Englund)

DC Animated Universe (John Glover)

Arkham Series (Wally Wingert, Matthew Gray Gubler)

NOTE: Sorry Jim Carrey, you couldn't quite make the cut! Also in the running: Shannon McCormick, John Michael Higgins, Rob Paulsen, Weird Al Yankovic, Jim Rash, Brent Spiner, and Geoffrey Arrend.

*I refuse to credit John Astin's one appearance. That didn't happen!

Selina Kyle/Catwoman

Arkham Series (Grey Griffin, Chantelle Barry)

The Dark Knight Trilogy (Anne Hathaway)

Burton-Shumacher Films (Michele Pteifer)

Gotham (Camren Bicondova)

Batman: The Brave & The Bold (Nika Futterman)

The Batman (Gina Gershon)

NOTE: Wish DCAU Selina could've made it since Adrienne Barbeau has easily the best voice for the character, but the writing and artwork let her down too often. Other good Catwomen include Julie Newmar, Ertha Kitt, Patty Matson, Jaynse Jaud, Eliza Dushku, Stephanie Sheh, Laura Bailey, Cree Summer, Jennifer Morrison, Naya Rivera, Liz Gilles, Gina Rodriguez, Christina Ricci, and Zoe Kravitz.

Two-Face

DC Animated Universe (Richard Moll)

Arkham Series (Troy Baker)

The Dark Knight Trilogy (Aaron Eckhard)

Batman '66 (William Shatner)

Batman: Caped Crusader (Diedrich Bader)

Batman: The Brave & The Bold (James Remar)

NOTE: Apologies to Billy Dee Williams, who would've done great, and Tommy Lee Jones, who could've done great (but definitely didn't). Also in the running but their coins landed on tails: Travis Willingham, Matthew Mercer, Robert Picardo, Petter Jessop, Dave Boat, Keith Ferguson, Gary Cole, Andrew Daly, and Josh Duhamel.

Mr. Freeze

DC Animated Universe (Michael Ansara)

Arkham Series (Maurice LeMarche)

Young Justice (Keith Szarabajka)

Batman '66 (George Sanders, Otto Preminger, Eli Wallach)

Gotham (Nathan Darrow)

Burton-Shumacher Films (Arnold Schwarzenegger)

NOTE: Other noteworthy Freezes who got frozen out of making it include Clancy Brown, Eric Bauza, Robert Kraft, Oded Fehr, Peter Stromare, Jim Pirri, and Matthew Mercer.

Poison Ivy

Arkham Series (Taisa Valenza, Amy J. Carle, Darcy Rose Byrnes)

DC Animated Universe (Dianne Pershing)

The Batman (Pierra Coppola)

Harley Quinn (Lake Bell)

Batman: The Brave & The Bold (Vanessa Marshall)

Gotham (Peyton List, Clare Foley, Maggie Geha)

NOTE: Uma Thurman, Laure Bailey, Fryda Wolff, Natasha Leggero, Paget Brewster, Peyton List II, Cristina Milizia, and Katee Sackhoff are all fun Poison Ivys as well.

Harley Quinn

DC Animated Universe (Arleen Sorkin)

Harley Quinn (Kaley Cuoco)

The Batman (Hynden Walch)

DCEU (Margot Robbie) and Suicide Squad ISEKAI (Karlii Hoch)

Arkham Series (Arleen Sorkin, Tara Strong)

Batman: Caped Crusader (Jamie Chung)

NOTE: Meghan Strange in Batman: The Brave & The Bold, Jenny Slate in The LEGO Batman Movie, Laura Post in the Telltale games, and Melissa Rauch in Batman and Harley Quinn are also great, and I've no doubt Lady Gaga could've really rocked it too but....yeah.

Ra's Al Ghul

DC Animated Universe (David Warner)

Gotham (Alexander Sidigg)

The Dark Knight Trilogy (Liam Neeson)

Batman: The Brave & The Bold (Peter Woodward)

Young Justice (Oded Fehr)

Arkham Series (Dee Bradley Baker)

NOTE: Also among the great Ra's Al Ghuls are Jason Isaacs, Lance Reddick, Giancarlo Esposito & TC Carson, JB Blanc, and Cas Anvar.

Bane

The Dark Knight Trilogy (Tom Hardy)

Arkham Series (JB Blanc, Fred Tatasciore)

Young Justice (Danny Trejo, Eric Lopez)

DC Animated Universe (Henry Silva, Hector Elizondo)

The Batman (Joaquim de Almelda, Ron Perlman)

Harley Quinn (James Adomian)

Scarecrow

Arkham Series (Dino Andrade, John Noble)

DC Animated Universe (Henry Polic II, Jeffrey Combs)

The Dark Knight Trilogy (Cillian Murphy)

Injustice Series (Robert Englund)

Batman: The Brave & The Bold (Dee Bradley Baker)

Batman Unlimited (Brian T. Delaney)

Killer Croc

Arkham Series (Steve Blum, Khary Payton)

The Batman (Ron Perlman)

Beware The Batman (Wade Williams)

DC Animated Universe (Aaron Kincaid, Brooks Gardner)

Batman: The Brave & The Bold (Stephin Root)

Batman Unlimited (John DiMaggio)

Clayface

The Batman (Steve Harris, Wallace Langham)

Arkham Series (Rick D. Wasserman)

Batman: Caped Crusader (Dan Donohue)

DC Animated Universe (Ron Perlman)

Harley Quinn (Alan Tudyck)

Batman Unlimited (Dave B. Mitchell)

Professor Hugo Strange

Arkham Series (Corey Burton)

Gotham (BD Wong)

The Batman (Frank Gorshin, Richard Green)

Strange Days Short (Brian George)

Batman '66 (Jim Ward)

DC Animated Universe (Ray Buktenica)

NOTE: William Salyers in Gotham By Gaslight is fine as well but his part is too secondary. Young Justice Strange is the only one I dislike.

Diana Prince/Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman DTV (Keri Russell)

Wonder Woman '76 (Lynda Carter)

DCEU (Gal Gadot)

Young Justice (Maggie Q)

Batman: The Brave & The Bold (Vicki Lewis)

DTV Universe (Grey Griffin, Michelle Monaghan, Rosario Dawson)

JLA (Rachel Kimsey)

NOTE: Really wish a Susan Eisenberg Wonder Woman could've landed here, but both of her most major iterations had some issues.

Slade Wilson/Deathstroke

Teen Titans (Ron Perlman)

CW DC Universe (Manu Bennett, Michael Chiklis, Esai Morales)

DTV Universe (Thomas Gibson, Miguel Ferrer)

Injustice Series (JG Hertzler)

Arkham Series (Mark Rolston)

Tara "Terra" Markov

Teen Titans (Ashley Johnson)

Teen Titans GO! (Ashley Johnson)

DTV Universe (Cristina Ricci)

LEGO DC (Laura Bailey)

Young Justice (Tara Strong)

Darkseid

DC Animated Universe (Michael Ironside, Kevin Michael Richardson)

Justice League Heroes (David Sobolov)

Batman: The Brave & The Bold (Michael Leon Wooley)

Injustice Series (Michael Leon Wooley)

DTV Universe(s) (Andre Baugher, Bruce Thomas, Tony Todd)

JLA (Johnathan Adams)

NOTE: I discount Steve Blum from the DTV Universe(s) 'cause what the fuck was that, and Ray Porter in the DCEU was tragically ill-fated.

[byneddiedingo]

Claire Danes and Billy Crudup in Stage Beauty (Richard Eyre, 2004)

Cast: Billy Crudup, Claire Danes, Tom Wilkinson, Rupert Everett, Zoë Tapper, Richard Griffiths, Hugh Bonneville, Ben Chaplin, Edward Fox. Screenplay: Jeffrey Hatcher, based on his play. Cinematography: Andrew Dunn. Production design: Jim Clay. Film editing: Tariq Anwar. Music: George Fenton. 

It's a measure of how the discourse on sexual identity has changed since 2004 that Stage Beauty, in which it is a central theme, seems now to have missed the mark completely. Billy Crudup plays Edward Kynaston, an actor in Restoration London who was noted for his work in female roles at a time when such parts were usually still played by boys and men. Kynaston, as the film tells us, was praised by the diarist Samuel Pepys as "the loveliest lady that ever I saw in my life." As the film begins, he is performing as Desdemona in a production of Othello, and is aided by a dresser, Maria (Claire Danes), who longs to act. After his performance ends, she borrows his wig, clothes, and props, and performs in a local tavern as "Margaret Hughes." When King Charles II (Rupert Everett) lifts the ban on women appearing on stage, Kynaston finds his career threatened, and when the king's mistress, Nell Gwynn (Zoë Tapper), overhears him fulminating about the inadequacy of actresses, she persuades the king to forbid men from playing women's roles: The king gives as his reason that it encourages "sodomy." Meanwhile, Maria has taken advantage of the ban to rise in her career, and calls upon Kynaston to coach her in his most famous role, Desdemona, while teaching him how to act like a man on stage. The premise allows for some insight into the nature of gender, but the film never approaches it satisfactorily. Instead, we have a conventional ending which suggests that Kynaston and Maria fell in love. Earlier in the film, Kynaston is shown in a same-sex relationship with George Villiers, the Duke of Buckingham (Ben Chaplin), who leaves him to get married. The film never quite deals with whether Kynaston is gay, bi, sexually fluid, or simply somehow confused by having been celebrated as a beautiful woman. While it's risky to apply 21st-century psychology to 17th-century sexual mores, Stage Beauty's general indifference to historical accuracy seems to demand that it do so. As unsatisfactory as it is, Stage Beauty has a fine performance by Crudup and he and Danes have good chemistry together. 

[thepiercedone20]

Originally posted 5.18.2016

[frontmezzjunkies]

"Tuesdays With Morrie" Unpacks a Relationship Regained with Subtle Ease

#frontmezzjunkies posts a review by #Dennis W. of #SeaDogTheater's #TuesdaysWithMorrie written by #JeffreyHatcher & #MitchAlbom directed by #ErwinMaas w/ #ChristopherJDomig #LenCariou Currently playing at #SaintGeorgesEpiscopalChurch #NewYork #OffBroadway

Christopher J. Domig and Len Cariou in Sea Dog Theater’s Tuesdays with Morrie. Photo by Jeremy Varner. The Off-Broadway Theatre Review: Sea Dog Theater‘s Tuesdays With Morrie By Dennis W. There is no villain, no dramatic climax, or any high comedy in Sea Dog Theater’s production of Tuesdays With Morrie written by Jeffrey Hatcher and Mitch Albom, but what you do get is a relationship regained…

[ropetick]

LESGATE: Have you written anything I would recognize?

TONY: Not unless you had a job rejecting manuscripts.

Jeffrey Hatcher

[hollywoodgothique]

Sierre Madre Playhouse will turn the screw this month

Sierra Madre Playhouse will stage a production of Turn of the Screw, playwright Jeffrey Hatcher’s adaptation of Henry James’ Victorian ghost story, starting this weekend. The 70-minute drama depicts the struggles of a young governess who comes to believe that her two young charges are haunted by – and perhaps in league with – a pair of ghosts. Viewed as a straightforward haunted house tale when…

[genevieveetguy]

- You don't have to please others all the time. - It's what I've been brought up to do. Difficult lesson to unlearn.

The Duchess, Saul Dibb (2008)

[nitrateglow]

The Jeffrey Hatcher rewrite really makes Susy more hardboiled

I mean, Susy’s always tough-fibered, but here, she’s cussing and openly bitter about her disability. She even calls Gloria a “bitch.” Her cutting dialogue had me imagining Barbara Stanwyck in the role the whole time.

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Good Liar (2019)

Sticking your landing counts for a lot. If you’re going to show weakness, make it at the beginning of your movie and then recover so people leave with a good feeling. The Good Liar loses confidence during its last act and pulls some cheap, borderline contrived moves that leave a bad taste in your mouth. Everything else about it is so engaging and intriguing it overcomes this flaw but a new cut with a couple of differently-written lines would do wonders for this crime thriller.

Roy Courtnay (Ian McKellen) is a professional con artist. He and his partner, Vincent (Jim Carter), decide to target Betty McLeish (Helen Mirren), a widow with a fortune to her name. Despite the suspicions of her grandson (Russell Tovey), Roy worms his way into Betty’s home.

I hope 80-year-old Ian McKellen never retires. He’s excellent in this role. Roy is a terrible person. He's stealing Betty’s money purely out of greed. He’s good at conning others out of their money so you respect and in a way like him but he’s taking it too far this time. You’re ready to write him off despite his charismatic nature but then, something happens. Bit by bit, we get tiny glimpses into his past and he slowly becomes more sympathetic. You think he may actually be falling for Betty. Perhaps this is actually a drama rather than a thriller? You want him to forget his old ways and settle down before he makes an unforgivable mistake.

While that's happening, there are hints of something amiss going on. You figure it’s got something to do with Betty but you’re unsure. It could simply be a previous con returning to haunt him - I had the feeling it was something else. Either way, it makes for excellent thrills.

Frequent McKellen collaborator Bill Condon keeps us unsure whether we should sympathize with Roy or not… until the last act of the film. The uncertainty we felt before evaporates with a couple of reveals. It feels cheap and more than a bit lazy. Not to mention it basically comes out of nowhere. Is it enough to take the entire movie down with it? Ultimately, no. Everything you liked beforehand remains intact. You just wish it was handled with more confidence and subtlety. We're adults. We can take moral dilemmas.

The first two-thirds are solidly directed and the whole thing features a terrific performance from Ian McKellen. Helen Mirren has a much smaller role and doesn’t get as much of a chance to shine but she’s pulling her weight too. They’re at the mercy of a screenplay that lets them down… but only at the very end. Since most of this is robust, I’m going to say you should check it out. Perhaps with lowered expectations, you’ll leave from The Good Liar delighted. (Theatrical version on the big screen, September 20, 2019)

[drinkwithhyde]

Instead of an all-good Jekyll and an all-bad Hyde, it is not always clear which character is more empathetic. Instead of seeing Jekyll and Hyde as a battle between good and evil, I see a little bit of bad in Jekyll and a little bit of good in Hyde.

Jeffrey Hatcher ( the playwright of 'Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,' presented by Theatre Three in Dallas Jan. 18-Feb. 11, 2018 in Dallas.)

[loptrcoptr]

Storytime, kids!

So uh. I’ve become a caricature of myself. 

I’m not great at movie names. I have trouble remembering, for the most part, all the directors/producers/writers involved in a film, and usually I can only manage to remember one of the bunch. Only one. idk what it is about the major execs, I don’t have room for many in my brain or something.

I realized this when rewatching Return of The Jedi last year, one of my fave Wars with Stars, and noticing that Lawrence Kasdan co-wrote the film. I was shocked that I hadn’t noticed this before because Kasdan directed and wrote my all-time favorite Western, Silverado. And lo, he wrote for Raiders of the Lost Ark, and for The Empire Strikes Back, and my all time favorite Star Wars movie, The Force Awakens. Realizing this blew my mind, y’all. Now, I don’t like everything he’s done (and Idk if I can ever watch Raiders again after that Marian age issue reveal) but obviously... I have a certain type of taste and, apparently, it’s predictable to the -nth degree.

^^ (me @ myself)^^

Fast-forward to this week. On my birthday (Thursday) I wasn’t tired when I went to bed, so I watched this movie, Stage Beauty, which I had never seen before. It’s a romantic period drama with a screenplay by a man named Jeffrey Hatcher. And for some reason, mid-screening, the accurséd hyperfixation-fairy screamed THIS IS MY FUCKING JAM in my ear, and now I’m obsessed with it? Shit happens. I watched the movie two nights in a row, watched a shitty recording of a shitty community theater production of the original play, ordered the original play so I can read it (not that I don’t have the whole damn thing memorized at this point).... you get the picture. Jeffrey Hatcher adapted the screenplay from his own play, Compleat Female Stage Beauty, and neither movie nor play is without its flaws, so... I just can’t quite grasp what exactly the fuck I like so much about it. 

Well, tonight was my night to choose a movie for my family (my parents, we are still trapped in a house together, ain’t pandemic life fun) to watch, so I picked a few options and my dad grumpily said the only one that he’d watch was Casanova. Now, Casanova is one of my favorite movies. It hasn’t held up quite as well as I’d have thought it would, but it’s still a lot of fun and has a perfect soundtrack. Stage Beauty and Casnova have a lot in common, thematically, so I’ve been feeling some Casanova nostalgia over the last few days as a result of my shiny new Stage beauty hyperfixation. I know the names of every actor in Casanova, and I know Lasse Hallström directed it. You can see where this is going, right?

The opening credits are rolling, I’m thinking “ah, it’ll be nice to see Casanova since I’m on such a quirky-romantic-period-drama kick, apparently”. And here come the writing credits, and guess who wrote Casanova? Guess? Mr. Jeffrey Hatcher.

I think the sound that left me was kind of like a dying mouse, muffled by the stupid hand I clasped over my stupid mouth right after I muttered “oh no”. And my dad’s like “What? What is it?” and my dumbass just says “nothing, nothing. I know this writer. And... I am embarrassed.”

I’m trying to watch this movie while my whole brain is... crashing around in my skull having about seven tacky identity crises at once. I’m just?? A caricature of myself? goddamn, it used to be like yeah. Yeah, I joke that my personality is the color orange, some norse mythology, a few fuzzy animals and someone yelling “star wars” down a distant hallway, but APPARENTLY that was too kind. Apparently my personality is binary. Apparently, my tastes are so predictable that even when my brain is not consciously aware that something might be Right In My Stupid Wheelhouse, my heart can still pinpoint that it is... on a frighteningly consistent level.

So now I’m just a caricature of myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯