#jeff kinney

[creepst-crypt]

Pure Brain rot. I don’t know why I made this. Maybe it’s bc I haven’t taken my meds or the summer heats just getting to me.

[mozzarella-stickz]

Lovers Rock: Rodrick Heffley x F! Reader

Author’s Note: Special thanks to @celootaku1 for telling me I should write this :) Hope you enjoy! Sorry it’s like months late though…

Summary: A panic attack in the school cafeteria leads to a chance encounter with none other than Rodrick Heffley.

Warnings: anxiety, panic attacks, probably OOC Rodrick don’t hate me. Otherwise lots of fluff <3

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You were certain this was the worst day of your life.

As soon as you woke up, the impending doom of the day seemed to loom over your head, your brain repeating over and over how bad today was. Your head felt fuzzy and confused, your body shaky and riddled with random jolts of anxiety.

It all came to a climax during lunch time, when the smells, sounds, and godawful fluorescent lights of the cafeteria all become to much for you, and you bolted. You grabbed your lunchbox, excusing yourself from your table, and bolting out to your car in the parking lot. The school was well aware of your condition, and all you had to do was nod and they let you out.

You slammed your door shut, the panic setting in. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Your breathing cycled over and over, rounds of seconds of holding and exhaling.

Unbeknownst to you, was the guy sitting in the van parked right next to you. Rodrick Heffley had decided he did not want to go so Spanish that day, instead choosing to take a nap in the back of the van. He was rudely awakened however, by slamming doors and the loud beeping of the car’s lock system.

“Jesus Christ,” he groaned, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

Rodrick climbed to the front of the van, looking at his window at the commotion. He noticed you sitting in your front seat, breathing in and out as tears flowed down your cheeks, smearing your mascara down your face. He felt a little bad now, panic attacks were something he’d dealt with a lot in middle school. He took a deep breath, opening his van door, and knocking on your window gently. You jolted up, and he winced. You took another deep breath in, before rolling your window down.

“H-hi?” you said, voice weak and shaky. You were absolutely confused as to why Rodrick Heffley was knocking on your window, much less doing so in a nice way.

“You okay?” he asked, shuffling a little as he leaned down to your window.

“Not really,” you sniffled, wiping your eyes.

“Do you want to talk?”

“There’s really nothing. I had a panic attack over nothing.”

Awkward silence between you both. Rodrick because he wasn’t quite sure what to say, and you because while you appreciated his concern, you really did not feel like talking at that moment.

“I can go if you want…”

“No!”

Rodrick looked at you, slightly puzzled. It didn’t seem like you wanted him to be there, but your outburst was strange.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to yell, I just…”

“Nah, I get it.”

“You can get in if you want.”

Rodrick opened your car door, sliding into the passenger seat. You leaned your head back into your seat, continuing your breathing slowly and gently.

Rodrick sat, watching you. You were always such a fun-loving person, caring and kind, smiling like nothing was ever wrong.

Your heart started to settle down and your head cleared slightly. You checked your phone, seeing a few texts from your friends asking if you were alright. You smiled, but set it down. You would reply later.

“Thanks for sitting here,” you said, turning towards Rodrick. “I really appreciate the concern.”

“Yeah, anytime. You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just sometimes I wake up with the worst feelings of anxiety for no reason. Today was one of those days. Cafeteria was just too much today.”

“I get it. In middle school, I used to get super anxious all the time. But my way of coping was just to not care, I guess.”

“I wish it was that easy.”

“It was hard, but that’s when I started to drum too. Helped me with the nerves and shit.”

You giggled a little, wiping your eyes. You pulled down your mirror, groaning at the raccoon eyes look you were pulling off right now.

“I’m a mess!”

“Hey, no worries, I have an idea.”

Rodrick bolted, rushing into the front seat of his van for something. After a few minutes of sifting through not done homework and fast food bags, he grabbed a small bag. Sitting back down in the seat, he opened it and pulled out an eyeliner pencil. You cocked your head, looking at him with a “what the fuck” look.

“I wear it for gigs sometimes. I carry it around just in case any pretty girls need it.”

Your heart fluttered at that comment.

“Close your eyes,” he said. You obliged, tilting towards him. He lined it around the top of your eyes, smudging it a little with his fingers.

“Okay, open.”

You did, and then he drew a small line underneath the bottom of the rim of your eye. Taking his pinky, he smudged it, wiping away the flakes of mascara along with it.

“Alright, done.”

You flicked your mirror down, examining his work. You smiled in astonishment, you looked wicked cool and totally smudged on purpose.

“I love it!” You squealed. “I look awesome! Thank you so much!”

“Anytime.”

You sat in silence, examining it. You looked so…not you, and it was so sick. You checked your phone again, seeing it was almost time for lunch to end.

“Crap, I gotta go,” you said, sighing. Instead of pocketing your phone, you handed it to Rodrick in a bold move.

“Can I get your number?” you asked, “Just in case?”

“Huh…oh OH yeah, um of course!”

You giggled again at his shock, handing him your phone as he put his number in. Rodrick handed your phone back, his hands so shaky it was endearing.

“Thanks again, Rodrick. See you soon.”

You exited your car, bolting back inside. Rodrick shut your car, staring at you walking inside. See you soon. His heart fluttered a little, something that hadn’t happened since Heather Hills sat next to him in class several years ago.

Later that evening, Rodrick felt his phone ping in his pocket, picking it up he read a text from your presumed number.

Attachment: 1 image.

He opened it to see a picture of you holding an eyeliner pencil in the makeup section with a smile on your face.

Another text from you that said:

had to get my own since i looked so cool! thanks again <3

His heart fluttered again, this time at an alarming rate. He typed out a response, palms sweaty and hands once again shaking like a leaf in the wind.

of course, pretty girl <3

From the other end of the phone, you felt faint. You set your phone down, letting your brain formulate a response. You typed it down, breathing in and out before sending:

do you want to hang out this weekend?

[diary-of-a-wimpy-kid]

[multi-cam95]

[haveyoureadthisbook-poll]

[the-lumpfish-king]

[littleittyburger]

congratulations reddit user Inspector_Krotch! you are now hired as the new illustrator for the diary of a wimpy kid books! your salary will be $2.70 per week! :D

[ieatadoptmepets]

I 100% headcanon because it's 100% true but ever since Greg's play in the first doawk, Rodrick somehow caught wind of his audition and how he was the best by far and teases him with it.

any time he pisses Rodrick off, he'll respond with like "yeah okay bright eyes"

he'll randomly say lyrics in the middle of conversations with his friends just to get him upset in front of them knowing it's something only they know and there's no way Greg would explain it

years and years later, it's still an iconic thing between them and it ends up bonding them.

every party they have, that song plays. any road trip they have, that song is always first no matter where to or what the vibe is.

one of their bachelor parties you ask? they go ham on karaoke to this song. they've done it so many times that they're better than bonnie tyler herself

when Greg reached freshman year and Rodrick was a senior (im not sure if that's their canon age difference but it is now) there was yet another talent show, it went so well with the help of löded diaper and became an annual thing. Greg and Rodrick sang Total Eclipse of the Heart as a duet and got a standing ovation and were half bullied as nerd, half peer pressured to join every theater production and Rodrick pretends it totally ruined his reputation but he loves being known as Greg Heffley's Brother and the same with Greg

[enlightenedrobot]

The author of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books has a creepypasta roleplay blog.

In other words, he's a Jeff Kinney.

[pokotho]

a bit absurd and worrying to me that there hasnt been a diary of a wimpy kid broadway musical yet

[i-am-trans-gwender]

Part of growing up is realizing that Greg Heffley was an asshole that you're not supposed to root for.

[animentality]

*double take

WAIT. No WAY.

[safer-02]

Doodles of my childhood book series.

[multi-cam95]

That time Jeff took the guys to Disney land.

[neonbug2]

We know that Jeff Kinney made poptropica, and this might be a false memory of mine, but does anyone remember when he used an alias for poptropica? Like, when crediting himself for its creation on the website it said another name instead of Jeff Kinney. If anyone remembers this pls say something

poptropica seal for attention