#jcb x y/n

[sea040561]

Any recommendations for the following fics:

Joseph Quinn/Jamie Campbell Bower

JQ/reader

JCB/reader

JCB/JQ/reader

[themoonsbride]

She's Mine, You Stay Away From Her .

pairing; Peter Ballard x Fem!Reader

summary; Reader is basically in Elevens spot like in the episodes leading up to 7; The Massacre at Hawkins Lab in season 4

warnings; swearing, descriptions of - Murder, insanity, hatred, being shocked, anxiety, isolation. Peter himself is considered a warning for this fic.

a/n; I've spent forever working on this agh!!! it's been taking up my time of working on other requests </3 but I got the inspiration of this fic based of an edit I saw of Peter to this song! I also just really wanted to write him to a Pierce The Veil song because they're my favorite band :) (HOPING THIS DOESNT FLOP HHJ)

word count; 5.1k

--×♥︎×--

The lingering quietness was always off putting inside of Hawkins Labrotory. It always made you feel uneasy. The fact that you were forced to live and work here everyday for most likely the rest of your life was uneasy.

But there was nothing that could be done, Martin Brenner was a dangerously powerful man who ruled over everybody that was within the walls of his facility.

And it was clear to you that he had not a single silver of an amount for care for the humans inside of his building either. If he did, he wouldn't be scientifically experimenting on children to give them different forms of physiological powers. It was inhuman to do this to undeveloped brains of practically toddlers.

And you having to watch and document it happen every single day was picking away at your sanity piece by piece. What you would do if you could've had the power the children withheld.

You would take matters into your own hands and put an end to all of this insanity that went on, put an end to the man behind the madness.

You weren't sure if you were losing your sanity, or if it was already lost. But you would do anything to break free of this hell, Martin seemed to be Satan himself when someone did something he didn't like, if they even breathed the wrong way, his wrath would come their way and would last for longer than you'd prefer to admit.

But you weren't the only one who seemed to grow this type of hatred for a place like this, no. There was another, And though you'd never been directly told you weren't the only one, you could tell. It was obvious in your eyes.

He seemed to be Brenners favorite, and also his most hated worker, And his name is Peter Ballard. A man with the facial features made of pure beauty like a God.

He isolated from others, as they were uninterested in him and often spat shit at him, infront of him and behind his back and you'd heard it all. Some of the pesky rumors that went around about that gorgeous man seemed so ridiculous a fucking 4th grader could've came up with better.

You were both just looking at eachother, the tension wasn't awkward between the two of you, she was nervous to be standing before you, you towered over her.

She probably would have started to sweat thick bullets if it weren't constantly fucking cold. Which surprisingly didn't constantly get the children sick, maybe them having humanly impossible powers strengthened their immune system to the point they don't get sick anymore.

It wouldn't suprise you if that were true, nothing was surprising anymore unless Brenner left you off with a warning and not 3 hours of you getting shocked to the point your nerves went numb and you felt like you were about to take your last fucking breathe.

"play." Eleven mumbled out and lightly tugged on the hem of your skirt. you raised a brow at her, your face felt blank, and numb, you felt numb inside too.

"play what." your voice was clear and ferm, your remember how your mother used to tell you when you were a teenager that she loved the femininity in your voice, it made you sound more professional.

The image of your mother's face in your head made you feel a certain way, a feeling that had felt lost for a long time, like it was hidden deep and burrowed inside you.

"puzzle." Eleven spoke, bringing you back to the reality you lived in today. the dreadful reality you lived in.

"okay." her small fingers wrapped around your index one, guiding you towards a small table, leaving you next to one of the chairs, you sat down feeling somewhat hesitant. You didn't understand, why now? why would Eleven now be talking to you?

Maybe it was something under the control of Peter, or Brenner, maybe either of them convinced her to talk to you, to get you to like her and use her as a weakness towards you. You didn't trust anyone anymore, the first look you took inside this building, you knew you were fucked.

Eleven sat across from you and placed a tiger children's puzzle onto the table, opening the box carefully. Everything felt off, You'd never spoken to Peter before, but you didn't need too, you already knew he hated this facility as much if not more than you did.

But you did supervise the rainbow room together, You were never a fan of the room, infact you seemed to have a weird sense of hatred for it, the way the room was displayed.

Maybe it was those muted rainbows on the wall and flooring. Or all the toys that surrounded them to make it seem like they were cared for, when in reality it was most likely to keep them distracted from the mortifying reality around them.

The somewhat nice part about that room was the children mostly placed nicely with one another, the youngest would play with wooden building blocks or solve animal puzzles. There were only around 4 of the children that were in their tweens..

It was 002 and his gang, God you fucking hated 002 and his devious little followers. All they did was bother one of the subjects, and specifically one, her name was Eleven.

She never caused trouble, because she was too afraid. She feared everybody, and she was only a little bit older than the youngest ones. She was 8 years old, the younger ones were more around 5-6.

She was especially scared of the workers, but she liked to play around with the puzzles and challenge herself to see if she could solve them, she also seemed to be observant.

She seemed to take interest in you, often you would catch her looking over at you, but you'd never thought anything of it, mainly because you couldn't care enough.

But today was different, because this time instead of the small girl just eagerly staring at you, she ended up walking her walk over towards you. You tried not to show the suprise on your face, you saw Peter watching her as if he were a hawk and she was a meek prey from the corner of your eye.

Her shaved head looked up at your eyes, You assumed she wanted to talk to you, but since she was 8, and no one cared to teach these beings anything else other than how to enhance their powers, they most likely didn't understand how to form full sentences from what you've seen and heard.

You looked around the room carefully without trying to move your head much, you started inspecting the rest of the ominously quiet room. The children were usual to minding their business.

You brought your gaze to the blonde man who kept to himself, and noticed he couldn't seem to keep his own gaze off of you.

'..Weird.'

You looked back over at Eleven and found her struggling to fit a puzzle piece to connect with another, though it was the wrong piece. You carefully took the small cardboard photo from her tiny fingers and placed it in the spot, she just stared at you, like she were embarrassed.

You weren't really sure what you were supposed to do or say now, you sort of just awkwardly smiled, it was too quiet for you to speak, your sanity didn't want you to crack somehow by simply speaking to an 8 year old.

She sort of just awkwardly looked away from you like she felt shy or wanted to speak, but obviously as noted before, she doesn't really understand how. Which is expected.

She instead just went back to figuring out how to member the tiger into a normal photo once more. You observed her movements closely, usually when she would think very critically of her next move she'd place her small index finger onto her chin or lower lip.

Every now and again she had to look up in your direction, as her way of saying "help" or "can't figure it out" and you wordlessly helped her and pieced the correct parts together. She'd finished her puzzle just as Brenner had entered the room.

"Goodmorning Children." And there she was to get quick on her feet and in her spot where she always stood in union with the rest of her "siblings."

You were meant to stand as well and did so, you watched all of them follow out behind Brenner and were fast to break the puzzle and place it back inside its box and onto the shelf where it was kept.

When you turned again, Peter was still stood in that spot next to the door, you knew he was watching you, and as much as it would've put anyone else on edge, it didn't for you. You were constantly being watched by your every move in your life now, so it seemed like nothing new.

--×♥︎×--

It was now your break, taking your time into the breakroom, it was like any other room. Only with a fridge and a counter top inside of it with a coffee machine. The coffee was rancid, tasted horrid.

The taste of the dirt water reminded you of when your father forced you into summer camp, when he first told you he had signed you up, you were extremely pissed.

"I'm am not going daddy! I do not want to go to summer camp! I'd rather be home!"

You would whine and complain to him, but there was nothing to be done, he already signed the paperwork and handed over the cash.

And when you had gone, it was more fun than you had expected. You went inside of a swamp and a creek, and went fishing, did tie die and collected rocks and small insects. You'd even found a snapping turtle once.

Remembering the times of your early teenage years and how you'd been happy made you feel a sense of grief, and also anger. With yourself and the world around you.

You pushed through the double doors of the breakroom, grabbing water from the half broken refrigerator and sat down by yourself, alone.

You were always alone, even when there were others around you, you were alone. No one seemed to take interest in you, not like you'd wanted them to anymore at this point.

Even if you could see through that perfectly physical man with those deep blue eyes, you were still alone. you always were since birth. Barely ever had many friends, always the targeted girl when it came to kids who had troubles in their own lives and had the shit audacity to take it out on you.

What you would've given to get your revenge on those little fucks at the time you were dealing with them.

What you would give to get your revenge on Brenner and all the shit he's dumped onto you and the rest of the people who were imprisoned here.

Your train of thought about you getting your pay back was interrupted by the sound of the doors opening again. You didn't want to make it noticeable that you were checking who was entering, But you weren't too shocked to see it was Peter.

You stared at the bottle of water that was held in your hands, small beads of sweat forming on the plastic and making your hands moist.

The sound of coffee pouring from the dispenser of the machine filled the room, no matter how similar you could tell you were to others, you never understood the trouble they would put themselves through of drinking the mud water that was labeled as "coffee" in this building.

what's something that was a shock to you about the man was that he'd sat across from you, he never interacted with you before and now he's suddenly across from you, you could feel him staring again.

It was like Lazer beams burning through metal. You'd felt that same feeling with Brenner multiple times before, it was an anxiety inducing feeling.

It reminded you of how he'd lecture and yell at you for the littlest of actions, like giving one of the children candy or something else that doesn't even matter.

And then when you would refuse to look at him because you didn't want to see that familiar cold glare that would send shrieks of fear throughout your entire being he'd send you to the punishment room.

Your skin began to form goosebumps at the memory of your entire body going numb and not being able to feel anything and your throat constantly hoarse and sore from that fucking collar he'd put on you like you were some dog.

Your skin felt itself getting warmer like your blood was boiling with rage from all your mistreatment and how you could do absolutely nothing about what you've gone through.

You shook your thoughts away, not wanting to physically remember what it felt like to wear that collar or feel those metal rods connect with your skin.

"Eleven seemed to take an interest in you today." His voice broke the imagery of your memories and your eyes automatically looked into his, they weren't cold like Brenners, they were light, and reminded you of clear skies during the summer that you used to take in while you'd make castles at the beach when you were a child, or would learn to ride your bike as your mother helped guide you in the spring, how you'd ride around your neighborhood as a teenager and would embrace the warm air and beautiful sky.

"Yeah, I suppose she did." Your voice was flat, but it wasn't cold, or mean, but it also didn't sound normal, but what would he know anyway? he's never even spoken to you before.

"She usually doesn't do that with the orderly." He clearly wanted to talk to you about something and it wasn't Eleven, but you weren't sure if you should just go along with it, or tell him to get on with the point already.

"She usually isn't like that with anyone." you remarked, there was a slight snark in your tone, you didn't really want to come off as snarky, but who wouldn't after all the shit that goes on in this place?

"So I've noticed" He didn't sound mad, and he still hadn't taken his eyes off you the entire time, it was a little uncomfortable how good he was at holding eye contact, but maybe that's what the point of making it so strong, was to make the other uncomfortable.

Or maybe it could've been unintentional, it was clear why it was one of the reasons your coworkers commented it on it and called him 'weird' or 'creepy.'

It didn't make you as uncomfortable as it would've others, it was normal to feel that way in Hawkins Labrotory. But when it was Peter who was making this strong of eye contact, it didn't seem that uncomfortable anymore. His eyes were so angelic and his hair seemed perfect in the horrible light, almost like there was a halo around his head.

It felt almost like you were losing yourself in him, like the way you'd lose yourself in the pages of a book, or a masterpiece of a drawing that someone would spend day and night on.

Maybe because in your eyes, he was like a masterpiece drawing, he was beautiful.

The both of you were just glaring at eachother now. It wasn't awkward, it only would've been if you told yourself it was. You learned a long time ago about how it worked that way, your mother had told you.

"That was so awkward.." You spoke quietly, walking out of the doctors office with your mother.

"It was only awkward because you had told yourself it was." She replied, walking to the car that your father was waiting in.

"What do you mean?" You looked up at her as she suddenly stopped in her movements and looked down at your 13 year old self.

"It was only awkward, because you told yourself the tension and the interaction was awkward." You were still confused.

"If you don't tell yourself when something is awkward, you won't feel so anxious or uncomfortable anymore." And then she continued back in her tracks.

you were only 13, so you still didn't understand what the hell she was talking about, and even now you didn't really understand. She'd worded it in a way were it sounded like she thought awkwardness was just an illusion of the human mind.

Sometimes your mother would be very smart with her words or explanations, and others it seemed like she just didn't care enough to hear you talk about how you felt, or she just wasn't sure how to explain something to you.

It was now that you realized that you still didn't respond, assuming that's what he was waiting for, there weren't any words that were forming out of your throat, and lunch was about to end anyways so you just stood to your feet.

"Lunch is about to end, maybe I'll see you tomorrow." You spoke quickly before exiting, he was watching you the entire time, of course.

--×♥︎×--

It was now Training of the next day, the children were lined up against the wall whilst they waited for their turn to use their powers on a ring a bulbs that was implanted in the floor infront of a metal chair.

It was currently 002's turn to attempt to light the glass bulbs, You walked up and placed the headset onto his buzzed scalp.

You felt your skin grow warm with how close in contact you were with him as a visous anger grew deeper in you for him. And for a split second, you were thinking of what it would've looked like if you killed him right then infront of everyone.

When you finished placing the wiring on his head you quickly walked away back in your spot at the corner of the room, clamping your hands behind yourself as usual.

You glanced over at Peter, and he was quick to look back over at you, but it wasn't like he darted his head over at you, it was slow and calm. Maybe that's what was off-putting about him that people didn't seem to like.

It was sort of assuring to see him be slow and calm, almost like he was tired, or maybe just burnt out, whether it was mentally or physically you didn't know, but it was sticking out to you.

He was good at masking how tense he was and how much he hated everyone here, as were you. Maybe he could see through you too and that's why he had spoken to you yesterday.

He seemed to take a liking in Eleven though, he was sitting next to her and talking to her a few days before she'd spoken to you, which is why you were curious as to whether if it were his doing or not.

Brenner had forced Eleven to go next by brainwashing her with a piece of fucking candy. A piece of candy she clearly could've cares less for, she was so obviously scared and uncomfortable. Her powers weren't as strong as the rest of her siblings.

Peter had went up and placed a headset on her stubble hair, unnecessarily fixing the front of her headset. He'd whispered something to her, why would he have done so right infront of everyone in the room? infront of Brenner? He was practically asking for the punishment room, but why would you care? it wasn't you who would be tortured later on.

It was her who had you do that stupid puzzle with her, you weren't the one who came up to her asking to solve a puzzle, she just up and decided randomly to ask you to solve one with her. after almost 2 weeks of her just eye-balling you.

--×♥︎×--

It was now a week later, and todays training was different from anything else they've done before, Peter's been interacting with Eleven more, and it's quite strange.

Regardless of all the rumors of how strange he is, this was one of things you did find weird, why has he started randomly started interacting with her? What was he telling her?

Brenner proceeded to draw 2 circles with white chalk onto the lominum floor as he spoke.

"For today's lesson, we are going to play a game." His voice was mutated to sound kind with a plastic smile on his face. It was a relief that these children didn't understand how powerful and cruel he truly was, but it was also so fucked in the head that he would do this to any of them and act like some big teddy bear and like this was okay.

It wasn't, obviously. But it just pissed you off so much, and it only made things worse when you'd remind yourself there was nothing you could do about it. It started to feel like every passing day it felt more and more like you were living in an insane asylum.

You used to think about escaping from time to time, but now you full on fucking fantazied it. you truly were starting to go insane, who wouldn't though.

002 was beating all of his opponents, and then it was Elevens turn, and when Peter finished tying on her blindfold, he wasn't very quiet to whisper "Good Luck" in her ear.

This started to seem tedious to you, what the fuck is he telling her? what if he's attempting to brainwash her just like Brenner? Though you told yourself multiple times you could've given less of a shit about these kids, there was a part of you that felt protective over Eleven.

Almost maybe like a motherly kind of protection? Though it wouldn't matter, there's nothing you can protect her from because both of you live in danger. She just isn't aware of it.

To your suprise, Eleven beat 2, she had slammed his body against the mirror behind him, leaving it cracked, he was shaking and looked at her with fear But he'd get his revenge soon, and you were sure of it, whether or not he'd be successful in getting away with it was yet a mystery. Because he's gotten away with it before, you've seen it yourself.

You could still remember it like it were yesterday, when you had to monitor the cameras.

"You're weak, and useless. You don't deserve to have the place as papa's favorite.." His voice was hushed and filled with rage.

"I-im sorry.." Eleven was so young at the time, her lip was trembling and tears were forming in her waterline.

"I'm gonna hurt you, for having what I dont.."

"please d-don-" But before she could even beg him further to spare her, she was already being pushed around the room, into tables and on the floor.

And then they left her there, crying.

Why they were all in there? was never answered, but she shouldn't have been in there by herself with 002 in the same building as her.

But the small amount of guilt you felt for her on that day still lingers. 002 stumbled to his feet and sat with the other children.

"It looks like we have a new winner." Brenner spoke, Eleven seemed shocked and nervous at the same time, but at this point it seemed like nervous was just a normal feeling and vibe to get from her.

--×♥︎×--

You were back inside the breakroom now. Holding a bottle of water you most likely weren't going to drink. And Peter entered the room too, but this time was different.

"Miss L/n, may I speak to you, alone?" His tone sounded pleadful and curious.

"We are alone." You answered firmly, but he didn't respond he just continued to stare at you, and then that's when you glared at the camera in the corner of the room and sighed to yourself.

Standing to your feet and walking over to him, you didn't trust him or his motives regardless of seeing his feelings. it was how everyone felt about this place.

He took you inside of a small broom closet that seemed like it was never entered anymore, he closed the door behind himself and you just stood there.

He faced you and smiled lightly at you, but you were careful go examine him.

Your grandmother always told you to keep your head up and seem serious, men would take you seriously, especially if you'd show you didn't have a care for them.

And throughout your life, it mostly worked, but Peter was already here when you came here 2 years ago, so he probably would be smarter than that.

"How would you like to escape with Eleven and i?" His tone was excited but quiet.

"What?" You were in pure shock and weren't even sure if you heard him correctly, but you did your best to keep a straight face.

"I've been speaking with Eleven"

"I've noticed that." You kept your voice ferm and serious, you didn't want to agree with him, maybe if you kept this conversation with him, you'd be able to seek through his true intentions.

"And I've told her about how she deserves to escape this horrible place."

"Are you fucking insane?" You blurted out, you didn't mean too, it was just the first thing that came to mind.

Was he fucking insane? what the hell was he doing tell an 8 year old to escape the place she's lived in and only knows as good? what else has he told her?

He completely disregarded the question, which was appreciated on your end.

"I've got a plan set out for her and I, and I know you hate it here, Y/n."

"You don't know shit." So maybe he could see through you too, but this couldve still be a trap regardless, a trap to get you into trouble or become his little minion and do whatever he wants you too.

"Don't I? I've seen the way you've glared at Brenner and 002."

"You look at them the same way, It's not just them either, don't think I didn't know you couldn't keep your eyes off me either Ballard." You felt someone outraged that he would just randomly propose this to you, he didn't even know you. Maybe he didn't have too, though.

"The same goes for you, are you going to join us, or no." His voice sounded serious now, and after a few moments of just staring at him, you could sense this man was infact serious.

"..When is this happening exactly?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" You looked at him like he had actually lost his mind, and maybe he did, but whats so wrong with that?

It's not like you had your sanity in tact with you anymore either, so if he's crazy then you can be crazy together surely.

"Are you joining us, yes. or no?"

"..Yes."

Part of you was mentally cursing yourself out for agreeing, you still didn't trust him, fuck no. But at least you just got a free get out of jail ticket so.

--×♥︎×--

You felt anxious in the rainbow room, Peter was nowhere to be seen all day, and you felt hazy, your vision felt blurry and eyes sore, but from crying.

Your breathing was shaking and so where your hands, you hadn't gotten anxiety since your freshmen year of collage.

You remembered the uncontrollable fear that was tensing throughout your veins, you used to get that same feeling when Brenner would have his gaurds shock you until he felt as though you'd had enough.

When you were barely breathing and laying on the floor like an injured kitten inside of a box that no one cared for.

Eleven was at a coloring station, she checked the clock and then stood to her feet, making her way towards an orderly and leaving with him.

You soon exited the room aswell, going down into the basement where Peter had instructed you to meet him.

'I'm going to be free, I'm going to be free. I want to get revenge, I want my revenge. I want Brenner to feel the pain he caused me.' Your mind raced as you walked down those steps and soon saw Peter waiting for you.

'I want him dead.'

"Hey." You spoke, walking up to him

"Hello, Eleven will be here soon." You didn't respond after that, instead just leaned against the wall next to him, picking at your fingers.

Soon Elevens small body was heading down the stairs, you stood up straight as she looked for the both of you, bumping into Peter.

"Shh, follow me." And then the both of you were following after him as he took the both of you over to a small drain, atleast, that's what it had looked like anyways.

He was able to convince the small girl to escape through the pipes, explaining how they worked.

"They lead out into the woods, when you get out of here you need to run, do you understand me?" She seemed extremely scared and shook her head no.

"What about you.. and Miss L/n?" Her voice was shakey, like she didn't want to leave him, gosh what kind of things did they have going on? what was he telling her before?

"Well be following you shortly after you escape, I promise. we promise."

Eleven looked over at you to confirm his promise, and you simply nodded your head, and she was quick to squeeze herself into that tunnel.

The both of you rose to your normal height, and he smiled at you.

"How are we getting out of here now?" You asked him. there was boredom in your voice, but that was just natural now, when in reality your anxiety was bolting throughout you.

"I'll show you, it'll be fun." He smirked and grabbed your hand, running out of the basement with you, and once you two exited, the alarms were already blarring, they must've discovered that Eleven was gone by now.

Everything was happening so quickly your brain didn't have much time to process what was going on, but the next thing you knew, Peter was slaughtering everyone in sight.

There was blood splattered all over the walls and floors, this answered your question.

"Are you fucking insane?"

Yes. this is his way of saying yes, Part of you felt absolutely terrified of him and wanted to run away, but there was another, stronger half of you that felt raged and viewed this as the both of you getting your revenge.

You didn't freak out, or runaway, or feel scared of him, because he let you do the honors of killing 002, and you made sure it was agonizingly slow and painful.

And then off you two went, escaping, running as fast as possible, feeling relief, and free. Feeling a smile that was stretched on your lips as you ran, feeling the wind all around your bodies and fresh air in your nostrils.

You were finally free at last.

[jennay]

Play Pretend 3

Play pretend 3

A/n: do you guys want to see the relationship flourish and fixed? I was thinking about ending it here unless you want to see that side of things. 💜

When you roll onto your back, you instantly regret it. Not only do you feel nauseous, but you feel blinded by the sun leaking through your bedroom blinds.

"I can't." You whisper as you put your hands over your eyes. Your mouth feels dry, and your throat burns from all the cigarettes. You swore you'd never smoke again, but one too many drinks and that went out the door.

Your body was paying for your awful choices, and you were still in denial of your drinking problem. If you pushed it away and didn't think about it, then the anxiety of life would fade from existence.

At this very moment, you wished you could call Joseph and have him ease your anxiety, but you'd ignored him for days and weren't sure if it would be fitting to contact him now. Weeks had passed, and you didn't respond, but now that you needed something, you'd call? No. You weren't going to do it. You'd swallow the pain and erase the memories of Jamie and Joseph from your mind.

"1...2...3..." You sit up and push the blankets off your body. Slowly, swing your legs over the side of your bed; resting your face in your hands, you stare at the ground and pray the headache disappears. It won't, but the least you could do was hope.

You stand to your feet; you notice your bedroom door is open. You think it's odd, considering you sleep with the door closed, drunk or not, that door is closed.

You blink your eyes slowly, trying to regain your vision. The tiredness soon fades, and eyes become clear. Your breath gets caught when you see a body on your couch wrapped in your favorite quilt.

"Fuck..." You mutter to yourself. You don't remember having anyone over last night. What did you do?

Quietly you creep across the wooden floors and lean over just enough to catch a glimpse of the side of the person's face...Jamie?

You roughly pull the blanket off him, ready to scream at him. You knew he had a key to your apartment, but he had no right to use it whenever he wanted to. That's not what it was for.

He groans a few times before opening his eyes. "It's too early, darling. Go back to bed." He shoves his face back into the pillow; bending his knees, he turns to his other side.

Anxiety flushes through you. "Jamie..." You whimper his name, and he can't ignore your tone.

He stretches his back out and gently brings himself to a seated position. He rubs his eyes and brushes his hair behind his ears, giving you his full attention. "If you're going to call me at 1 am, you should at least let me sleep 8 hours before waking me up." He teases you, but when your eyes start to water, and the look of fear plasters your face, he pats the spot next to him. "Come talk with me."

"I don't remember calling you." You whisper. "I'm sorry." Your face falls to your hands again, and you sob gently. You weren't crying because Jamie was sitting on your couch. You were crying because the last few months of your life had passed quickly, and you treated them poorly during it. Even in your drunken haze, you tried reaching out to him.

Jamie rubs your back as he tilts his chin and sadly watches your body tremble. He isn't sure what you want to hear or if he should tell you everything you said to him last night. "You know." His hand stops at the small of your back, "I wanted to tell you before this, but I was wrong."

Eyebrows raise with curiosity. In your clouded mind, you couldn't put the pieces together. "Wrong about what?"

"I lied." He takes a deep breath, "I had feelings for you; well, I have feelings for you."

You laugh, disbelieving, "You lying isn't making me feel better."

Jamie scoots closer to you and wraps his arm around your shoulder, bringing you back. Your head falls to his chest, and his hand runs down your bicep. "I was ready to end that man's life for you." He exhales loudly. "If that's not love, I don't know what is."

Confused, you ask, "What, man?"

"Alex," He sighs, not wanting to explain any further.

"Alex?"

Jamie runs his fingers through your hair. "You really don't remember? He told you it was time for your relationship to go further and wouldn't leave your house until he got what he wanted?"

Your body tightens as your memories fade in and out. "Jesus Christ. You were right about him."

Jamie squeezes you tighter. Upset that you had to have that memory imprinted in your brain. "You text that he was scaring you."

"I'm so sorry." Your eyes water when you think of what could've happened if Jamie couldn't come at that moment.

"I do love you, (y/n)." He pauses as he tries to think of what to say. "But we're in different spots in our lives, love. You still want to be wild and crazy. I want stability and calm. It's something I won't get from you, and that's OK, darling. I want you to be happy, and you won't be happy with boring old me."

Your shoulders drop, and a small calm fills your body. Why didn't he give you that explanation before? It would have been a whole hell of a lot nicer than him spouting that none of it was real. You tilt your head and stare at the ceiling attempting to process. "I don't think your boring. I had fun snuggling on the couch and being tucked into bed with someone who loved and cared for me." You admit. "You hurt me. Like you didn't care about me and lied about everything to get in my pants. You became just another guy; I never saw that coming. I felt like you got what you wanted and left than expected me to still be OK with being your friend."

"I never wanted to make you feel that way." He says, kissing the top of your head. "How do we fix this?"

You push your face to the crook of his neck and softly say. "I don't know. I just want my friend back."

Tag List: @cat-loves-music @sunshinecallie @arminsgfloll @lma1986

[maladaptive-jcb]

Chapter 1: Icebreaker

Jamie x female!reader fanfic

(fluff, safe for under 18)

Summary: Reader is an independent artist who lives on her own in a small town and meets Jamie, a musician, in an art studio where their budding relationship formed through shared interests of different forms of art.

Warning: There will be talks about trauma and PTSD from domestic abuse and dissociative episodes throughout the story.

A quiet groan. I can hear it from two seats away from where I’m sitting. It’s almost been a month since I started this painting class where I saw it opened two blocks away from my apartment a month ago. I thought it was a perfect way to ignite my old artistic passion again. Lucky for me, it's a budget studio class, which means I don't have to break my savings just to fill up some of my free time. I work at a local bookstore and currently renting a small apartment. I'm doing good, but not amazing while living as an independent girl in this town.

I hear another sigh coming from him. Jamie first came into class around the second week I started here. I remember it was a slow day in class. I was wondering if I should even be here in the first place until I heard footsteps coming in. The way he walked in with his tussled blonde hair and iridescent eyes captured my attention immediately. Ever since then, he never missed a class. I decided to stick around after all.

“Jamie…Jamie… What did I say?” Mr. Hayes, our art teacher stops behind him as Jamie is struggling with his work. “Always check the proportions. Sorry,” he says in a low tone voice. Subtle English accent. Disgruntled look is forming on his face as he tries fixing his painting with more acrylic. Mr. Hayes pats on his back with approval and goes along to check his other students.

He's not really the worst in class. I’ve seen his work, he did a lot of good paintings except that he hates small details and proportional work.

Should I help him more? I mean, we barely talk in class aside from the occasional “Hey,” from time to time. In fact, he barely talks to anyone in here.

He shoots up a look to me.

Shit.

I didn’t realize that I’ve been staring at him for a while.

“Y/n, you’re doing great just don’t forget to clean up your finishing touches this time,” Mr. Hayes distracted my train of thoughts. “I will. Thank you, Mr. Hayes,” I give him a quick nod. I've had such a great experience so far with Mr. Hayes. He'll find a way to make one-on-one teaching lessons feel so personal to you. He's also very patient with all of us considering most of his students came in with zero prior art knowledge. I think that’s why Jamie has improved so much in just a short period of time.

____

The morning is still early when the class ended and I'm now on a hunt for some caffeine to keep my day going. The café is just a five minutes walk down the road. It's called the Aroma Mocha. Since it's an hour away until my shift starts at the bookstore, I decide to have a brisk walk under the cool weather, taking it all in.

As I walk in, there are already five people in line ahead of me at the counter. I wait in line as I soak in the café’s inviting atmosphere. I see a few people inside with their quiet talks to each other. Another middle aged woman reading her book while sipping on a hot coffee. A dark haired teenage girl in the slightly hidden corner with headphones on while sipping on her cold drink in hand. I can't tell what it is but it makes me crave for an iced latte. In another corner, there's a tired college student staring straight into his laptop screen with the fast click-clacking sound of his hands on the keyboard. Just the right amount of calm and busy here, topped off with the aroma of freshly grinded up coffee beans filling up the air. It’s just such a nice morning to start. I've been observing everyone that I haven't noticed anyone getting in line behind me until…

“Y/n, right?”

I turn around and met with a tall lanky figure, silver rings on his fingers, blonde hair framing his cheekbones perfectly in the dim lights of the café.

“Oh yes. And you’re Jamie!”

He smiles. “Yep. Fancy meeting you outside the class.”

“I hope that’s not a bad thing.”

“Not at all. Pleased, really,” his eyes twinkles.

I don’t see the disgruntled, contorted face he always makes when painting in frustrations. He seems… sweet.

“Next!” The barista calls out to me.

“One iced latte, please…” I turn to Jamie. “…and whatever he’s having.”

“Coffee. Black,” he leans forward to respond. His subtle breath warm on my neck. “Thank you."

“You’re welcome,” I return his smile.

I’ve wanted to approach him so many times in class and chickened out. Crazy to think that this is the longest conversation we’ve ever had.

Our drinks were done at the counter after a few minutes. I grab both and hands his coffee. He takes it, fingers brush against mine.

“I’ll see you again, soon?”

“Yeah. See you again, y/n.”

He smiles and raises the cup of coffee thanking me again. I nod and quickly turns my face towards the floor hiding the warmth that's rising to my cheeks. With one last wave, I walk towards the door to leave.

“Wait!”

A surge of relief going through my body. Somehow I was hoping it wouldn't just end there.

“Do you have time to sit with me?” he asks.

I hold my wrist up and check the time on my watch. My shift is not starting until 40 minutes anyways. How long can it be to sit and talk with Jamie?

“If that’s okay,” a little hint of pleading in his voice.

“Yes, of course."

____

We sit across each other at a table near the big window. His long legs brush against mine from time to time. Now that I'm actually closer to him than before, I can see his blue eyes sparkling even brighter under the sunlight streaming through the window pane. He's a little quiet at first. His fingers knotted with each other around his warm cup of coffee. It's almost as if he's wondering what to talk about. Eventually, he tries to ask me more about myself. Trying to set aside the sudden surprise of actually sitting with a new person on my day, I let myself cool down and let the conversations flow on their own. His eyes wide, yet soft as he looks at me attentively every time I tell him little things about myself. I just thought it was just out of politeness but I notice that he's actually listening to me when he chuckles and nods along to my stories. It's like every word that came out of my mouth hung around the air and he's just absorbing them all in.

"You know it's very interesting to finally hear all about the teacher's favourite in class," a teasing tone in his voice.

“Oh, stop. But you know, I've wanted to talk to you in class for a while as well."

“Is that why you’ve been staring at me?” he smirks and takes a sip of his coffee.

My heart does a somersault. He noticed that?

“Oh… I uh,” my cheeks starting to feel a little warm.

He winks.

“So what brings you to the class anyway,” my attempt at changing the subject.

“Oh, umm…” Jamie purses his lips as if he's thinking about the question itself.

"I wanted to try something new in this town. I just moved here and happened to walk by the studio and… well here I am."

“I see. I’m guessing you came all the way here from…”

“London. Yes. The accent, I know,” he laughs. Hand brushing through his beautiful locks.

“I just needed a change. What about you?”

“Oh I’ve lived here for a while. Two years now. Trying to prove to my parents that I can be independent, you know?” I tell him, quickly brushing the question off.

He nods. “You’re working?”

“Yeah. Do you know Bookworm Shack? It’s a block away from here. In fact, I should be getting into my shift in like 15 minutes now.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve seen it. Come on, I’ll drive you,” drinking the last bit of his coffee before he gets up.

I didn’t have time to process it. I haven’t sat in a car alone with a man for so long. Not since-

“You’re coming?” his head tilts towards me and scanning my eyes, hoping for a hint of agreement to his plan.

“I guess, there's no harm in that. Thank you."

“The least I could do for that coffee,” he gives a friendly punch to my upper arm and grinning ear to ear. Every bit of his face lights up when he does it. It feels nice to see him in a more cheerful mood than usual.

I'm not one to know much about cars. Truthfully, all cars look the same to me. If anyone would name a model of a car, no image would pop in my head at all. However, I am able to tell when a car is luxurious and expensive. Jamie's car is exactly that. At least better than the one I drove back in my hometown. It was an old car that my dad gave me after he finally saved up enough for a new one for his own. It was a little beat up but I loved it just the same. It didn't have the leg rooms as I have right now sitting in Jamie's car though. I know it wasn't the best car but it took me where I needed to and it was comfortable enough for me. Looking up at Jamie from the passenger's seat makes me feel a little shy. What do you do when someone told you to make yourself comfortable? Do they actually mean it or do they just want to be polite? Maybe I'll just play it safe and tuck my feet together and not mess with anything in here.

"Relax. The leather seat is not gonna bite you," he snickers after noticing me shifting carefully in my seat.

"Yeah, but you might," quickly giving him the same retort energy.

"Wow. Hurtful. Although, you'll never know. Hope you already got your rabid shot."

His face stays on the road but his eyes peering sideways towards me while smirking at his own joke. A giggle start escaping from my mouth and he finally lets out a big heartful laugh I've ever heard from him.

I feel myself being a lot more relaxed in my seat after that. We continue our conversations along the ride but it was cut short when Jamie pulls over in front of the bookstore. A little disappointment in my heart when I realized that I have to say goodbye to him now.

As I’m getting out of the car, he asks, “What time your shift ends?”

“6 pm. Why?” I respond back through the passenger’s seat window.

“Sounds like a good time for dinner. I’ll pick you up,” he winks again and drives away.

“Wait, I-“ Oh there’s no use. He’s gone.

_____

Chapter 2

Note: Hi! I'm new on here and I'm sharing my writing for the first time on the internet and thought that it'd be nice to start on here. I don't know if this will take off or not but I'm excited for everyone to read it. Do let me know your thoughts and reblog if you like it. If it starts picking up then I will continue posting the next chapter :)

[comfort-person]

Request: hi!! This is probably super weird but can you do more Jamie/ Henry/ Vecna/ Jamie characters.. like Jace too as well maybe? Idk if that’s your vibe but I’d adore it if you wrote more Jamie stuff pls! Tysm lovieee, have a good day!

A/N: thank you for the request!! Not weird at all lovely! I fucking love writing Jamie characters like AH so I’ll totally try doing some more, although I can’t promise that the characterisation will be great but hey ho. I hope this is okay! I’m attempting to not recycle ideas over and over so here’s a better version of something I’ve tried to write before… but shorter? Sorry LMAO, I’ve had like no motivation to write lately so that’s why it’s died down a lot… but… I hope this works? Much love, Amber xx

Trigger warnings: mention of blood, bodies, kinda fucked up things… it’s the laboratory we’re talking about so I’m sure you know how fucked up that place it… but still- just a warning- read at your own discretion!

“Come,”

The man’s voice echoed through the tunnels, slender fingers wrapped around your wrist as he practically dragged you with him. How did you get into this situation? Well… it was a lot to process. A massacre had occurred in Hawkins Laboratory. The few remaining doctors, and some orderlies, dressed in white scurried around- yelling at each other, whereas armed guards were searching the premise for the two escapees: Henry creel and Y/n Y/l/n or as everyone else knew you: 001 and 002. Two very dangerous individuals who were capable of mass murder. “One… we’re in danger.” Your shaky voice whispered out to him and his eyes flicked down to you, eyes dangerous pools of blue. The eyes that held so much trauma- hurt… absolute agony. Both of you had known such pain and it wasn’t fair. On either of you. Brenner had inflicted an impossibly cruel amount of pain onto you both… and to think he promised to take care of you. What a lie.

“Where are we supposed to-“ the man abruptly stopped, turning to look at you, you nearly plummeting straight into his chest but his large hands resting upon your shoulders forced you to come to an abrupt stop “two, do you trust me?” He stared deeply into your eyes his brows slightly furrowed but in the subtlest of ways the crease between both brows proving his concern for the situation but he wasn’t scared. He wasn’t worried. He was determined to get you both out of there… Brenner had stolen your lives away from you… ripping it away in such a cruel manner. Brainwashing you all. But that came to a stop now… Brenner wouldn’t be able to do that ever again. Or so henry hoped. You gawked at him unable to quite process his words “two I need an answer. Verbal. Do. You. Trust… me?” His eyes were intimidating, like a wild animal awaiting to pounce on its prey… but he just wanted to make sure he had made the right decision on you. Slowly your head began to nod, before a soft “yes.” Left your lips and the smallest and most subtlest of smiles tugged at his lips, the corners of his mouth quirking up, before he nodded “good.”

And then the both of your were off, once again, sprinting down the similar corridors. Over and over again. They were never ending… his long legs practically made it impossible for you to keep up, his grip on you tight so much so it stung slightly but it had nothing but good intentions: he wasn’t letting you fall behind. “We’re nearly there y/n. Nearly there.” The blonde assured and you nodded not uttering a word for your lungs were trying to focus on breathing all until that fear that once remained hidden started to creep up little by little, voices shouting, you made a split decision that you certainly regretted- you took a glance over your shoulder seeing about six guards, flashlights flicking up and down from how they were running and your eyes instantly widened in fear, your breath catching in your throat “come! We need to leave! Come!” Henry’s voice wavered slightly as he raised his voice at you, and you began sprinting, the guards yelling your names… or well- names was a joke- more like numbers. Because to them you were both nothing more than stupid numbers… how pathetically stupid. His breathing was heavy as he ran with you, his hand now on the middle of your back, forcing you to run faster- run in front of him so nothing could happen to you. It wasn’t something he showed often but it was care. Some type of care.

You both ran for your lives, running and running until eventually you both tumbled out of two double doors that lead to the darkness outside. The air was cold and winter-y, smelling of freshly fallen rain. “C’mon. We can’t stop.” He urged and you nodded immediately rushing in the direction of the woods that surrounded the laboratory. You wanted to try and take everything in but you physically couldn’t… it was all so much… your eyes were wide. Like a deer caught in headlights, you didn’t know how the hell to react. But then your eyes scanned along the grass and to multiple body bags that held one or more children… your stomach churned… they were already clearing out the bodies? Tears gleamed in your eyes and your breath hitched. Why did you care for them still? After all this time? You wished you knew… but you didn’t… it was uselessly pathetic. Your fearful eyes stared at the bodies of the lifeless children “two, we need to go.” His voice growled out clearly trying to stay quiet but you were stuck in a trance… they were only kids… they didn’t deserve it… Henry was desperate to leave but he also attempted to see why you were so effected. Sure it was traumatic… but they shouldn’t of mattered to you. He saw how they corrupted you. How they hurt you…. Why did you even give a damn? None of your tears should’ve been shed over them. You didn’t care for them, no, the care was simply all in your head. Nothing more nothing less. “They’re dead….” Your voice was strained, full of agony, “I know. Don’t look. They don’t matter.” His tone disregarded your emotions, there wasn’t any point in getting emotionally attached to dead people… they were gone. Time couldn’t be rewound. “Two,” his voice for your attention and you looked at him “you trust me… right?” There was that question again, even if he didn’t realise it, he was manipulating you. Manipulating you into going with him… into not caring. It was cruel. But he was saving you. He had saved you. He wasn’t letting you screw this up…

“I-“ “I know you do, 002. That’s why we’re leaving. Now. Come on.” He demanded guards shouting becoming clear and he nudged you forward as the two of you began rushing into the woods “where are we going to go?” You asked quietly but he didn’t respond, he just stayed quiet as you both tore through the woods attempting to find safety but safety didn’t exist. Safety was within the laboratory but Henry and you knew that wasn’t the truth… sure it had been beaten into your weary minds each and every day, suffering dark torture daily, but you both knew better than to trust the cruel man. Was this the beginning of the end? Was this finally when the pain would stop? You hoped so… and so the two fugitives walked for miles. Walking for minutes. Minutes that slowly turned into hours… and soon enough the darkness began to fade, the hue of the sunlight gleaming in the empty lifeless sky…. No birds flew… no nothing… it was simply a blue sky which reflected Henry’s eyes perfectly, his eyes were no longer a raging storm no…. His eyes were calm, empty, numb, peaceful… maybe his pain would stop now? But he knew that not to be true… they could pray and hope that everything would work out in the end but realistically it wouldn’t… because of one simple factor: two broken people couldn’t fix each other. If anything they made each other bleed further and that wasn’t good… but he had chosen to take you. To allow you to have freedom. Why he had spared your life he wasn’t sure… maybe it was for his own needs. Maybe he was greedy. Power hungry. Maybe he did want that power he never had. But now he had all the power in the world. He saw the courage in you. How capable you were. He wanted to use that… maybe it was ill intention but strength of two “freaks” so to speak was unmatchable. He wanted Brenner dead as much as you wanted him dead… and you both would kill him. Maybe not today… or tomorrow… or next week… but whenever it would happen it would be worth it.

—

Soon enough your legs were burning, your chest too, your lungs practically grasping on for dear life. “We’ve got to be careful. Cautious. Understood?” You nodded, following after him, as the both of you entered a rundown motel. It didn’t seem to be occupied at all. In fact it was completely empty. No one on the front desk… he had hit the jackpot but all at the same time that doubt haunted you both. What if it was nothing but a trap? You watched him grab a random key “second floor.” He muttered, and you nodded, you didn’t know why he had chosen the second floor but he did. He was being tactical. Clever… if they came searching they’d searching bottom to top. It would give you and Henry time to form an escape plan.

You wandered silently with him, until eventually coming to the room, watching him open the door- holding it open for you. There were two separate beds, small and tiny, but you didn’t care. You situated yourself on one of the beds before you laid down knowing you had to be rested… no words were spoken for a while. There wasn’t much to talk about. Sure you were overthinking and so was he but neither of you saw a reason to share that… “henry?” You muttered out… you didn’t hear any response yet you felt his piercing gaze on you, he was awaiting your next words, watching you “why didn’t you kill me?” The man was slightly taken aback by your words but his face barely flinched as he soon answered calmly “because you have potential.” Those words although good made your heart sink as you began to overthink his words… he hadn’t killed you simply because of your potential… your potential in killing. He knew what you could do… he wanted to see how much stronger you could get… but it left a bad taste in your mouth… was he using you? Was that it? He only made you leave with him just so he could use you? You stared at him eyes full of questions yet no question left your lips, instead a simple “okay” fell from your mouth before you turned over, back facing him and he found himself just staring at your back… the silence was comfortable yet a tension lingered in the air, like a thick thunder cloud… but you saw your worth. You were a number… simple… you were only still breathing just so you could be used… how dehumanising…

Part two coming soon x

Excuse how lame that ending was, it’s 2:26 in the morning and I need to be up at 5 so just take this… I hope it’s okay ahhaha, thank you for the request! Love you all x

[postsofbabel]

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[oskea93]

Can I ask for a request Jamie Bower x reader where the reader finds out that she is pregnant and wants to surprise Jamie when he gets home from being away during filming? Thanks 💗

Maybe baby - JCB x Reader

Warning: Pure fluff Requested by @ima1986 (It wouldn't let me tag you but I hope you enjoy ♥️)

It was always talked about, but the subject was always dropped after a while.

With Jamie’s busy filming scheduled and your dedication to your work, a baby was just not in the cards at the moment. However, after a night spent in a ritzy hotel on the coast of Italy, the universe had other plans. You had gone out there to surprise him, missing his touch and just hearing the sound of his voice. Your thoughts of protection flew out the window the moment his hands met your body. As the days and weeks passed, the mundane thought of your period passed as well. You never truly thought about it, just reacting when it showed up. The nausea and vomiting was what made you stop and think.

After buying several different tests, each saying the same, and the actual words coming from your doctor’s mouth, you were indeed pregnant. You were shocked, scared, but a happiness shined as well. You were shocked because you didn’t think it would ever happen. Fear presented itself in the form of what Jamie would think. Would he be happy, mad, indifferent? You two weren’t planning for this. Your busy careers were the main focus. You would hate for him to feel like he needed to drop everything just because you’re pregnant.

He was due to come home tonight – the filming finally over for now. You knew his flight would arrive a little after eight, the 20-minute car ride home giving you added time to prepare. The meal you had spent most of the afternoon making, neatly sitting in the kitchen, awaiting the arrival of your husband. You made sure to make his favorite meal, adding in little things such as baby carrots and baby spinach. You didn’t want to just come out and say you were pregnant. You had seen videos online of different ways women have told their husband the big news, thinking it would be a cute idea as well. The big surprise lied inside the brown box next to the door.

“Y/n-“Jamie’s voice floated through the house. “Darling.”

You let out a deep breath before emerging from the kitchen, a wide smile forming on your face. Without saying a word, you both embraced one another – your arms wrapping tightly around his neck.

“Welcome home.” You whispered in his growing hair.

Shivers worked down your spine as you felt his warm breath on your neck, his lips lightly on your skin. You slowly pulled away, stepping up on your toes to connect your lips with his. He was a bit taller, always laughing as you stood on your tiptoes to reach his tall stature. “I’ve missed you.” He smiled against your kiss.

You quickly pulled away, knowing that if you didn’t, the thought of dinner would be nonexistent. The two of you ending up in the bedroom instead of breaking the awaiting news.

“I made your favorite.” You lead him into the kitchen.

He looked at the spread, that smirk you loved present on his face. “Looks delicious.” He popped a baby carrot into his mouth. “I’m starving.”

You directed him to have a seat, walking back to the kitchen to start plating his food. During the meal, the two of you made small talk. Jamie talking about the last days of filming, bringing up the thought of going on vacation. You would’ve been more talkative, but the looming news was weighing heavily on you. You picked at your food; your stomach nauseous from the anxiety.

“You feel okay?” Jamie asked concerned.

Your eyes locked, nodding your head quickly. “Just tired.” You weren’t lying. You did feel more tired. “Oh-“You shot up, Jamie looking at your strangely. “A package arrived for you.”

You couldn’t wait any longer, jogging into the living room. You picked up the feather-light box, your heart racing. “I don’t remember ordering anything.” Jamie muttered.

“There’s not return address – Maybe it’s a script or something.” You already knew scripts didn’t come in boxes.

He took the box from, pulling back the packing tape. You took a seat, your hands shaking as he reached in, pulling out a yellow baby blanket. The blanket was bound by a white ribbon – the sonogram picture attached. You watched as his eyes scanned the picture, his face confused at first then softening. “Are you-“

“Yeah.” Tears welled in your eyes. “We’re going to have a baby.”

His arms wrapped around your frame, lifting you up as he spun you around. He gently released you, his arms still around your waist. “When did you find out?”

You wiped a tear away, “A week ago. I’m pretty sure I bought every test the store had and then just to make sure, I went to the doctor to get a firm conformation.” You looked deep into his eyes. “You’re not mad, are you?”

“Why would you think that darling?” His deep voice soothing you.

“We haven’t really talked about having a baby and with our busy schedules, I didn’t think you would be happy.”

He took your hand in his, leading you back to your seat. You watched as he knelt in front of you, clasping both of your hands in his. “Y/n, just because out schedules are hectic doesn’t mean that I would be upset about the news of our baby. This is the best news I’ve ever received and I’m seriously the luckiest man on earth right now.” His words causing your hormones to go haywire. “You’re the mother of my child- how could I not be happy about that?

“You’re going to be a great dad, Jamie.” Your hand brushing against his cheek.

“This might be my biggest role yet-“He paused, growing serious. “I think I’m gonna have to brush up on my TV dad logic.”

Your laughter filled the dining room, “Just no Frank Gallagher, okay?”

“You got it, little mama.”

[jamesgraybooksellerworld]

To see the web page which goes with this choose the link [in blue] below.

Seven Emblem books and two others!

Two sort of emblematic books (A&B) and Seven(1-7) emblem books in contemporary or original bindings!

1)   Andres Alciati 1492 – 1550

V.C. Emblemata (Viri Clarissimi) Emblemata. Cum Claudij Minois ad eadam Commentariis & Notis Posterioribus. Quibus Emblematum omnium aperta origine, mens auctoris explicatur, & obscura omnia dubiáque illustrantur.

Lugduni (Lyon), Hæred. Gvlielmi Rovilii, 1600. 1600. Bound in coeval vellum with author and title on the spine in an early hand. Octavo ã8, e4, i8 A-Eee8, Eee*2 Fff8 Ggg4.

The ultimate reference for this book is Daly’ Andres Alciatus Index Emblematicsus 1985; ; Landwehr, J. Romanic emblem books; 89 ; Adams, A. French emblem books; F.063; Emblem books at the Univ. of Illinois; A32; Green, H. Andrea Alciati and his books of emblems,; 127; Baudrier, 1895-1921, v. 9, p. 464-65;. Item #738G

The emblem book, which attained enormous popularity in continental Europe and Great Britain, while it is possible to trace it back before was certantly made most popular by Alciati. . Alciato’s emblems were first published in Augsburg in Germany (two editions in 1531 and one in 1534); from 1534 onwards publishing shifted to France and remained there for the next thirty years. Wechel, who printed the Paris editions (from 1534), are like those in Augsburg. He can be said to have set the standard for clear presentation of emblems, with each emblem beginning on a fresh page, featuring the motto or title, the pictura below that, and then the subscription/epigram or verse text the main focus of publication for emblems shifted more firmly to Lyons from the mid 1540s, The 1550 Latin edition by Rouille is the first to have 211 emblems (the whole corpus, apart from the so-called obscene emblem ‘Adversus naturam peccantes’) illustrated. This edition includes biography of Andrea Alciati (leaves i1-i8). These emblems depict Alciati’s concern for the eternal nature of man and its contradictions, the attentive ear to the popular speech, the unfolding of the personality, madness, the reflection on human existence, the relationship between man and the woman, the struggle between reason and passion, and to the satire of society and its rules and rulers.

      A) CARTARI 343J  Vincenso Cartari.   1531–1569

Seconda novissima editione delle Imagini de gli dei delli antichi di Vicenzo Cartari …Ridotte da capo a piedi alle loro reali, & non più per l’adietro osseruate simiglianze. cauate da’marmi, bronzi, medaglie, gioie, & altre memorie antiche; con esquisito studio, & particolare dligenza da Lorenzo Pignoria … Aggionteui le annotationi del medismo sopra tutta l’opera, & vn discorso intorno le deità dell’Indie orientali, & occidentali, con le loro figure tratte da gl’originali, che si conseruano nelle Galleri de’principi, & ne’musei delle persone priuate. Con le allegorie sopra le imagini di Cesare Malfatti … Et vn catalogo di cento più famosi dei della gentilità. Con l’aggiunta d’vn’altro catalogo de gl’autori antichi, & moderni, che hanno trattato questa materia, ordinato & raccolto dal medesimo Pignoria che ha accresciute le annotationi & aggiunte molte imagini.

In Padova, Nella stamparia di Pietro Paolo Tozzi. 1626. Quarto, 9 1/4 x 6 1/2 in 224×162 mm.  Signatures:   ‡8 ≠≠1,a6, ‡‡4 [∏2 FOLDOUTS] A-Z8 ,AA-OO8  (38 pages, 589 pages illustrations, two  folded plates) [[38] pages, 589 pages illustrations, two  folded plates 24 cm]. 2 double-page woodcuts and 227 full-page and in-text woodcuts of the ancient gods by Cesare Malfatti.          *   *.   *

  #1 Vincenzo Cartari, Images of the Gods of the Ancients: The First Italian Mythography, translated and annotated by John Mulryan. Medieval and Renaissance Texts and Studies vol. 396. Tempe, AZ: Arizona Center for Medieval and Renaissance Studies, 2012.

Praz 36; Cicognara 4686; Graesse II.56; Nagler XXII.15, ; Harvard 156.108; JCB Library catalogue; 2:198; Sabin 11104.;  BM. STC.(Ital.) 152.; ‘Choix 4280. See Also: Mortimer, Italian, 108 note. Caillet 2047 (French trans.) Brunet I,1601. Graesse II,56.Univ. Cat of Art, 287. Arntzen & Rainwater H35.Dekesel 16th, C11.                                                                                     And :

1)Sonia Maffei, ‘Le imagini de i Dei degli antichi di Vincenzo Cartari: Dalla poesia all’archeologia’ http://dinamico2.unibg.it/cartari/leimaginideiDei.html

2) Marco Urdapilleta Muñoz, ‘El bestiario medieval en las crónicas de Indias (siglos XV y XVI)’, Latino América, Revista de Estudios Latinoamericanos, 58 (2014), 237-70. 5160.235500

3) Miguel A. Rojas Mix, América imaginaria (Barcelona, 1992) LB.31.b.10858

4) Rosa López Torrijos, La mitología en la pintura española del Siglo de Oro (Madrid, 1985). YV.1988.b.1010 María Jesús Lacarra, Juan Manuel Cacho Blecua, Lo imaginario en la conquista de América (Zaragoza, 1990). YA.1997.a.7376

5) Mercedes Aguirre at 11:59:11 in Americas , Collections , Latin America , Medieval history , Mexico , Rare books. BL.

6) Mexican Codex Vaticanus 3738. Item #743

This is the First Edition in which the antiquarian and egyptologist who was also  interested in the sciences, and a friend of Galileo. Lorenzo Pignoria added  his appendix Seconda Parte delle Imagini de gli Dei Indiani displays detailed illustrations of some archeological remains portraying Mexican, Egyptian, Indian and Japanese gods, seeking ‘a sort of unique visual language in pre-Christian religions.  It is bound in.

Price: $4,500.00

    B).  Cuper, Gisbert Cuper. 1644-1716

Gisb. Cuperi Harpocrates, Sive Explicatio imaguncluæ argenteæ perantiquæ; quæ in figuram Harpocratis formata representat Solem. Ejusdem Monumenta Antiqua Inedita. Multi Auctorum loci, multæ Inscriptiones, Marmora, Nummi, Gemmæ, varii ritus, & Antiquitates in utroque Opusculo emendantur & illustrantur. Accedit Stephani Le Moine Epistola de Melanophoris.

Utrecht: (Trajecti ad Rhenum) Apud Franciscum Halma, Acad. Typogr., 1687, Quarto. This copy is bound in 20th century quarter calf. .

  ¶Harpocrates was adapted by the Greeks from the Egyptian child God Horus, who represented the newborn sun, rising each day at dawn. Harpocrates’s name was a Hellenization of the Egyptian Har-pa-khered or Heru-pa-khered, meaning “Horus the Child”. In the second century B.C., Egyptians connected Harpocrates with the mystic cult of the Egyptian goddess Isis. Harpocrates holds a finger to its lip for the Egyptians a symbolic gesture representing childhood.

¶Yet the Greeks mistook for a hush for silence., misinterpreting Harpocrates as the personification of silence, and this particular work is a study of statues and other art from classical antiquity that depict these later figures of silence. And again, the Roman interpretation added strength to the Mystery of silence.

The frontispiece signed and dated in the plate: Joh. van der Avele invention and fecit. Title page in red and black. This edition is enhanced with a letter of Etienne Le Moyne; this text has a half-title and the second text: Monumenta Antiqua. Cuper’s research is a precursor to art history and Winckelmann.

Brunet 6, no. 22603; Cicognara 3212; Ebert 5512; Graesse 2,308 , Item #388J

Price: $1,800.00

  2). David, Jan David. 1545?-1613

Veridicus christianus: auctore P. Joanne David … Editio altera, auctior.

Antverpiæ ex officina Plantiniana, M. DCVI. Second edition. This copy is bound in full contemporary blind stamped calf over wooden boards with two working clasps. Quarto ‡4, ‡‡4, A-Z4, a-z4, Aa-Ee4.+ 100 Numbered Plates. With a special engraved t.p. with allegorical depiction of Christ carrying the cross, surrounded by ten artists at easels painting scenes from his life (as well as a few questionable profane subjects). The vovelle : The centers of the engraving and the volvelle (through which a string passes) are reinforced with small paper roundels printed with the monograms of Christ. The numbers are keyed to an “Indiculus orbitae” that follows (Bb1r-Bb2r). There a number, having been selected, is provided with a phrase from various Latin authors (listed on Bb2v), and a reference to one of the hundred sections that comprise the main text. It is suggested in Bibliotheca Belgica that this game may have been intended as a pious alternative to such superstitious books as Thuys der fortvnen.

Veridicus Christianus emphasizes the Society of Jesus’ investment in thinking in, though, and about visual images that exemplify the supreme mystery of God. Published as a tool of devotion and meditations, it features one hundred chapters that encompass a wide

range of topics for reflection. Each chapter incorporates an extensive commentary that interprets the emblematic image David too follows the order in which we apprehend things with our senses, beginning with a visual representation at the head of each chapter. Then comes the explication. The symboli explicatio was considered necessary because cultivated readers would be more susceptible to a reasoned argument than a

picture. The text is divided into 100 chapters, each with an allegorical engraving incorporating letters keyed to the explanatory text and with marginal references. Each of the 100 numbered plates has a single line of Latin at the head giving the subject, with two-line explanatory verses below the allegorical engraving in Latin (roman letter), Dutch (civilité) and French (italic) First plate (following [2 daggers]4) is added title leaf for the ill., which were also published separately; see Bibliotheca Belgica. The added title reads: Icones ad Veridicvm Christianvm P. Ioannis David e Societate Iesv At the end is Device with compasses and the motto “constantia et labore” on Ee4r . This book is notoriously found defective in one way or another, this copy is perfect and complete. . Item #382J

De Backer-Sommervogel Vol.II col 1845 N. 5; Funck 302; Praz 313: EBIU D 17; Landwehr EFBLC 138; Landwehr FISP 253. Daly & Dimler CLE Jesuit Series Part one p160 #J.153.

Price: $5,500.00

    3) David, Joannes David 1546-1613.

Duodecim specula deum aliquando videre desideranti concinnata.

Antwerp: Antverpiae: Ex officina Plantiniana, apud Ioannem Moretum, 1610, 1610. Theodor. Galle fecit. First Edition? This copy is bound in a contemporary soft vellum, (recovery vellum with writing. Faded and on the the inside. ) Ex libris ms.

First edition of this wonderfully illustrated work about 12 mirrors mankind uses to try and see God. David was born at Courtrai and entered the society of Jesuits in 1581. He was distinguished for his zealous fight against heresy. “Emblem number with caption,pictura with motifs flagged, then subscriptio,prose identification flagged motifs,facing page with number followed by a prose conversation between Anima and Desiderus.

Youth edition with engravings only, without text. Each plate bears, at the top, a serial number and an inscription indicating the subject represented in the bottom part a Latin couplet with a summary explanation. RRef. Landwehr 188, Funck p. 303, BCNI 5556, Bibl. Belg. D 157, Praz p. 313 “scarce”

DeBacker-Sommervogel vol. II col.1851 no.20 ; McGeary & Nash. Emblem books at the Unviersity of Illinois,; G2; Daly & Dimler corpus Librorun eblematun(CLE) J141; Praz, M. Studies in 17th century imagery,; vol. I p.192 vol.. II, p. 46; Landwehr, J. Dutch emblem books,; Funck p. 303, BCNI 5556, Bibl. Belg. D 157; see also The Jesuits and the Emblem Tradition: Selected Papers of the Leuven International Emblem Conference, 18-23 August, 1996.

. Item #409J

Price: $1,900.00

    4)  Izquierdo, Sebastian Izquierdo, Saint Ignatius of Loyola

Praxis exercitiorum spiritualium P.N.S. Ignatti. Auctore P. Sebastiano Izquierdo Alcarazense Societatis Jesu.

Rome: Romae : Typis Joannis Francisci Buagni, 1695, 1695. Octavo 7 X 4.75 inches A-G8,H4 This copy is very clean and bound in full contemporary vellum. Landwehr, Romanic, 412.Sommervogel, IV, 70 1#4 ; Palau 291230; Landwehr:Romantic 412.; Praz,p.382. Item #716

The Jesuit Sebastián Izquierdo in his Práctica de los ejercicios espirituales, written in (Spanish in )1665 translated in to Italian the same year then in 1678 translated as here into Latin and later published in several translations and versions offers an illustrated guide to the Ignatian spiritual exercises. The illustrations, 12 of them, are the subject of image meditation which was a favorite method of the Jesuits who, beginning with the monumental Evangelicae Historiae Imagines (1593) of Jerónimo Nadal, actively took hold of religious iconography and adjusted and concentrated it for the teaching of the Societies ( and Ignatius’ ) vision. The images are not just simple depiction’s instead they are mnemonic devices. These images are points of departures and give the current 21st century reader a precious examples of images that inspire meditation, direct the reception of the teachings and anchor them in the memory. Particularly memorable is the Image of Hell on page 72, The lay-out shows the pedagogical intentions and possibilities of this little book: there are 12 parts consisting of 12 separate quires, numbered from ‘A’ to ‘M’ and paginated each from 1-12, each with its own full-page illustration , these could have been meant to be distributed separately – according to match the educational needs or level of the students. The Images are in high contrast, with plenty of Bloody and memorable images. The Puteus Abyssi depicts a poor man who is naked and sitting in a chair in some sort of oubliette. He has sevenswords, each with animal head handles, in him and each is strategically stuck in various parts of the body. The swords are labeled for the passions. Most interesting of these might be the sword marked ‘Vengeance’ it is hanging offer the mans head, the Idleness sword is stuck between his legs, Gluttony in his stomach, Lust … Envy in his back, Avarice between his Shoulders and Pride in his heart.Izquierdo was also the author of Pharus scientiarum, a treatise on a methodology to access knowledge,

conceived as a single science. In this work, he assimilated Aristotelian and Baconian logic, and he expressed some original ideas on mathematics and logic that have earned their author a reputation as an outstanding mathematician. Not just like his Spanish contemporaries John Caramuel or Tomás Vicente Tosca , but also significant foreign mathematicians as Athanasius Kircher , Gaspar Knittel or Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz , the latter, in particular, cited with, his Disputatio of Combinatione, in Combinatorial Art (1666).

Price: $1,800.00

  5) SCARLATINI, Ottavio Scarlatini

Homo et eius partes figuratus & symbolicus, anatomicus, rationalis, moralis, mysticus, politicus, & legalis, collectus et explicatus cum figuris

Augsburg & Dillingen, Johann Caspar Bencard, 1695. First and only Latin edition. Bound in a beautiful contemporary pig skin over wooden boards. Caillet 9948 (“unique in its genre”); Landwehr, German emblem books 530; Praz 490 note; R. Raybould, Emblemata 29. Item #734

With 42 engraved emblems revolving around the human body and body parts. It describes and depicts the human body in its details and in its entirety in every aspect conceivable. The book also discusses magic, in the strict sense of the word, revealing many marvellous secrets, such as the occult properties of saliva, urine, sperm, etc.”The erudition demonstrated by the author is really quite extraordinary” (Raybould) including metoposcopy (the interpretation of facial wrinkles for divination!). . Book One studies individual organs: heart, etc. And Book Two the overall dignity of the whole and aspects of human life.An appendix adds short accounts of several subjects, including “hieroglyphia” and “androgyni”, along with short works by other authors: Lactantius Firmianus’s “De opificio Dei”, Coelius Rhodiginus on humanity, and a long “Ode” to humanity: “Considerationes patheticae de creatione, & dignitate hominis” based on Trismegistus, Plato, Coelius and other ancient sources.With a faint marginal water stain and a couple small rust spots in the paper, but

otherwise in fine condition. The binding shows a few scratches, cuts and stains, small cracks at the head and foot of the hinges and 1 sewing support broken at the hinge, but is still in good condition. A fascinating emblem book for both text and imagery (some of it now also humorous), and an impressive piece of book production.

Price: $5,500.00

    6). Sucquet, Anton Sucquet

Piæ considerationes ad declinandum à malo et faciendum bonum : cum iconibus Viae vitae aeternae R.P. Antonij Sucquet è Societate Iesu.

Viennæ Austriæ : Wien : [s.n.], 1672, 1672. Boetius a Bolswert and title by “I.M. Lerch sc. Viennae. Quarto,4 ¾ X 7 inches . ( no printed signatures) π 4 A-T4 V2. This copy is bound in original vellum. There is a really interesting modern bookplate on the pastedown. ¶ Praz, M. Studies in 17th cent. imagery (2nd ed.),; p. 506; Corpus librorum emblematum. Jesuit series,; J.1414; Landwehr, J. German emblem books,; 564; De Backer-Sommervogel,; VI, column 892, no. 2. Item #715

There is an engraved emblematic title page signed “I.M. Lerch sc. Viennae;” The other 32 illustrations (numbered 1-32) are full-page emblems engraved by Boetius a Bolswert–See Landwehr. ¶The Illustrations are printed on the verso of leaf, recto is blank; accompanied by explanatory text on facing leaf. The text and illustrations are printed within ruled border. This popular emblematical work is arranged as a series of meditations, by the Jesuit Antoine Sucquet. Many religious emblem books were published during the 17th and 18th centuries, and of these, Sucquet’s work was one of the most popular. Because of its engravings by Boëtius a Bolswert , it was especially important for the development of the 17th-century Christian iconography. The counter-reformation produced a great number of emblematic meditation-books where text and illustrations are interwoven. Emblem books were therefore much favoured by the Jesuits for the purposes of teaching, as religious propaganda, and to provide subjects for meditation. The 17th-century Jesuit curriculum prescribed that emblems were composed in the schools. Members of the highest classes in the Flemish Jesuit colleges each composed an emblem, and the production of the entire class was collected in commemorative albums painted by professional artists and calligraphers. The meditation on the soul’s relation to Christ was precisely guided by provision of references in the engravings. The first religious catholic emblem book was published in 1571 and composed by Arias Montanus. In 1601 Jan David composed the first Jesuit emblem book, the “Veridicus Christianus”. Sucquet’s work is composed around the widely spread concept of the “homo viator in bivio”, the creature who during his life again and again arrives at the cross and has to make the good choice for the narrow and difficult path to his eternal destination. Sucquet made clear that vision is the most important sense of a human being. It had foundational importance for the Christian iconography of the seventeenth century. According to Brunet the work was very much searched after by the pious for its texts, by the curious minds for the 32 engravings by Boetius a Bolswert

Price: $1,900.00

  7) Venius, Otto van Veen

Theater moral de la vida humana, en cien emblemas; con el Enchiridion de Epicteto, y La tabla de Cebes, philosofo platonico.

Antwerp: Amberes,{Antwerp} Por Enrico y Cornelio Verdussen 1701, 1701. The Rubens master. third Edition.This large folio is bound in full contemporary vellum with gilt tooling. Snags repaired in the blank of the title page and on the folding Engraving , without damaging the text. Scattered freckles. Good copy. Landwehr, Dutch 240; Landwehr, Low Countries 678. (cfr. PRAZ, Studies in seventeenth-century imagery I pp.523-524 & Peeters Fontainas Bibliographie des impr. espagn. des Pays-Bas mérid. 1275;. Folio. 14 x 9 inches * 6, ** 4, *** 2, A-Z4, 2A-2C4 / a4, a-f4, g2. Item #97

This Emblem book is made up of three Stoic works, beginning with Text from Horace in latin with 103 copper plates of engravings, That is a full page engraving of Vaenius by his daughter Gertrude van Veen engraved by Pontius.

These emblems also appeared in “Emblems from Horace, but not directly, these engravings represent both allegoric and general passages from Horace, these are in Spanish. The Horace is followed by

The Table of Cebes which has a large folding plate (16 x 13 inches) Cebes’ Tablet is an Ekphrastic work interpreting a probably mythical Tablet which symbolically represents “the whole Truth of Human life” Cebes is one of the characters in The Phædo of Plato. Xenophon tells us that Cebe was in the inner circle of Socrates’ friends. This is followed by The ENCHRIDION of Epictetus, in spanish. This manual is a ‘hands-on’philosophical collection of epigrams which promises to free the mind from Fear and enslavement to false Ideas.

Price: $3,500.00

Seven Emblem Books and Two others To see the web page which goes with this choose the link below. Seven Emblem books and two others!

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[sea040561]

Ok, who is taking Jamie Campbell Bower requests?

[themoonsbride]

Protective Peter is just something else.. 🥵 Andd because of him I was thinking about requesting one shot with him - where reader is scared, sitting in the chair with the scientists around her, listening their talking about another experiments they want to do on her, and when she's almost crying, Peter enters the room and with just one move of his hand all the scientists are dead 🤭 I just know that he would be the most protective boyfriend ever 🤤

I had fun writing this !! thank you so much for your request beautiful ♡

Give Me Your Heart And Your Hand And We Can Run .

pairing; Protective!boyfriend!Peter Ballard x Fem!Reader

summary; In the request! readers scared whilst listening to the scientists talk about tests to run on her, and when she finds herself on the edge of tears, Peter comes in and takes her away. <3

warnings; mentions of murder, crying, extreme fear

a/n; I'm trying so hard to think of something to write for Anthony Hope oh my god it's not even funny

--×♥︎×--

The sound of printing and machinery filled the room, but the fear was the only thing blanking everything out. Your skin prickled with goosebumps.

Scientists were inside of the testing room, where you'd been forced into. You didn't want to do this, you missed the outside world.

People must've thought you were dead, or just went missing, maybe even moved. You hated to think about it, you weren't dead, you were kidnapped.

You tried to focus on reality, fear was consuming you, bound to swallow you whole at some point.

Suddenly there was a headset being forced onto your head, thankfully they wouldn't be buzzing you to your scalp since you were 28.

At least they allowed you some sort of freedom, but only because you knew the fucked intentions or Hawkins Labrotory.

You'd read the newspapers, the articles, hell you've seen the building for yourself before you became trapped inside if that place like someone trapped a hamster inside a cage.

And the facility making you play along in their tests and mess of genetics to give you physiological powers was like the hamster running on the wheel.

You focused your attention on the white walls, then the tiled flooring, the feeling of the headset thats wrapped around your head, and suddenly reality had pulled you back to itself.

"Is Brenner going to allow us to put her inside of the Nina project?" One of the female scientists asked, your ears were suddenly one of the most active senses you had.

You glanced up at the camera in the corner, the red blinking light was the most color there could've been inside the room.

You looked down at the floor, it had a shine to it from the nauseating white lights in the ceiling slabs. it reminded you of the classroom ceiling from high school.

"Brenner hasn't had any of the others test out the Nina project, it could be dangerous."

"But he needs a test subject, we could use her instead of risking one of the children subjects."

Your breathe caught inside of your throat. Children subjects? what the fuck? this rancid place tested on children?

"No, Brenner strictly informed us to not interfere her with anything else until we've studied her brain enough to estimate what she can and cannot do."

"It's still worth a chance to confrence with him and discuss having use her as a test run for Nina."

Your heart rate felt like it was beginning to speed as your fear began to swallow and digest you.

"Fine, we will conference with Brenner and discuss it then, but as of now we are focusing on seeing if her mind can handle the challenge of the test examples we have in place."

You weren't sure if you'd ever make it out if this building alive, or what it would've mattered even if you did, how would you cover it up to the outside world? where people didn't know the containments of Hawkins Labrotory.

You didn't want to be here, or anywhere else in the building, you weren't sure where you wanted to be, you just wanted to get away.

Your throat began to feel sore, like there was a wire wrapping itself in your nerves of your neck, and your eyes became soggy.

This was not what you would've expected your adult-life to have turned into, a lab rat. Your life has been now officially thrown away, and all you could do is live in fear.

Except that's not whats happening. And you knew that everything was now changing for you and your future when you saw the man you'd fallen in love with opened the door those scientists forced you behind.

He seemed normal, except he looked at you, for a split second, but it didn't feel like a normal glance he'd spare you, he was telling you something.

You couldn't piece together what though, what was he telling you?

"Is there something in need for you Mr. Ballard?"

"Yes, actually, I'm in need of Ms. L/n." His voice seemed firm

"Did Brenner ask you to escourt her to him?"

"Not quite."

"We're going to have to ask you to leave-"

"Gladly." And with the quick turn of his head, they all dropped dead.

You gasped quickly, as he walked over to you whilst the alarms throughout entire facility blarred.

"What did.. What did you just do?!" You asked him as he grabbed your hand, the both of you running out of the room.

"I took care of them so we can leave, like they asked us too." He looked over at you whilst the two of you ran, hand in hand and undoubtedly in love, smiling cheekily.

[jennay]

Misery

Request: reader struggles with depression and Jamie wants to help.

Master List

No one noticed you were falling apart until the pieces fell before them and caught fire. How were they supposed to see when the warning signs came with excuses and white lies?

You weren't proud that it took them this long to start catching on. You were disappointed that you'd become such a good liar.

The guilt ate at you every day, making you want to hide your aching heart from everyone. You could band-aid the pain with a smile and continue to laugh through the dread and worry.

You found yourself isolated and ignoring texts or phone calls. Every time Jamie tried to get ahold of you, you sent it to voicemail or blatantly ignored his text message, leaving the word read under his texts.

Jamie noticed the change in your behavior almost immediately. He sadly watched as his girlfriend lost her bright glow, and that spark he loved began to fade.

He received a call from your coworker and dear friend that you'd called off three days in a row, and both of them knew you rarely called off of work, even when you were sick.

The big red flag floated in his eyes. What were you doing? All that Jamie knew was that he needed to check on you even if you yelled through the door and told him to go home again.

Before Jamie decided to go to your house, he called your mom and met her for lunch. He expressed his worries, claiming he could help if you opened the door.

When your mom heard this, she became concerned; something was wrong if you weren't speaking to Jamie. Growing up, he was the only person you trusted. While Jamie was traveling, your mom would joke that you didn't talk for a month. She weakly smiles at Jamie and hands him her spare key to your apartment. "Let me know if I can help." She tells him.

Jamie pulls into the parking lot of your apartment. He feels excitement as he runs up the first flight of stairs.

Jamie saw you nearly every day until you slipped into this funk. You wouldn't explain to him what caused this mood because you weren't sure what caused it either.

Jamie knocks on the door, and though you hear the knock, you don't move from the nest you've made in your bed. You turn on your fan as loud as it will go and pull the blankets over your head. The blackout curtains on your windows made it nearly impossible for you to guess the time.

You snuggle into your comforter and pray whoever is at the door will leave. You weren't in any mood to socialize.

When he gets the door unlocked, he wants to race straight to you; but when he enters, he stands in shock. All of your belongings are packed in boxes.

Pictures that filled Your shelves were taken down, and floor rugs rolled up.

Jamie fears what kind of thoughts you're having; he's never seen you pull away quite like this, and if you did, you went to him for comfort, or you figured a solution.

Jamie quietly opens your bedroom door. He frowns, catching a glimpse of you under your blankets hidden in the dark, the same place he left you over a week ago.

"Oh, Love." He whispers.

He pulls out his cell phone and uses the light to guide him through the darkness. He sits on the side of your bed next to where you lay.

"Love." He rests his hand on your shoulder, and gently shakes you. “Baby wake up.”

Your eyes flutter open, and though it's impossible to see through the blackened room, you can sense that it's Jamie.

Sighing you sit up. "Jamie?"

He holds your hand, "Can I open the blinds?"

"How did you get in here? I locked the door.”

He leans over your body and pushes the drapes back, allowing a small amount of light to leak into the room. You squint your eyes; you can't remember the last time you opened them.

"Your mom gave me her key." His eyes scan your face; you look ill, tired, and unhappy.

"You talked to my mom? What is it that you think your doing?" You watch his eyebrow raise.

"I'm checking on my girlfriend. You haven't answered my calls or texts and ignore me whenever I ring the doorbell." His shoulders slump, and he stares at the ground. "What's going on with you? Why is everything packed up like your leaving?" He bites his lip, feeling confused and not fully knowing what to say. "Did I do something to upset you?"

You nervously chew the inside of your cheek. You didn't know how to explain what you were feeling. You only know it hurts a lot, and you don't want to be here anymore.

You hate the look on his face. The one that looks like he's been overthinking and beating himself up. "I need to know if I did something wrong so I can fix it."

You shake your head, "You didn't do anything."

"Then why are you avoiding me?" He cautiously asks.

"I don't know." You sit against the backboard of your bed. Your hands weakly fall into your lap when you shrug. "I feel bad, that's all I know, and I can't do this anymore."

He holds one of your hands and rubs his thumb up and down your wrist. "How can I help?"

"You can't." Your lips press together; you don't want to say anything else. You didn't want to tell him that you would sell your stuff and maybe disappear. "I don't want help." You quietly say.

Jamie stands, and you wonder what he's doing until he gestures for you to scoot over. He squeezes next to you and wraps his arm around your shoulder to pull you close to him. "You can't keep pushing me away. I won't let you." He moves your legs over his lap with his free arm and holds you like a small child. "I'll stay with you until we can figure this out." He leans to the side and grabs the remote for your TV.

You try to get angry and tell him to get out of your apartment, but you give in the moment your head falls to his chest. "I don't want to feel this way." Your eyes fill with salty tears, and you take a shaky breath. "It's not fun anymore. I don't want to do this." You admit.

Jamie feels his heart shatter into pieces. "Love," He wraps his arms tighter around you, almost afraid you will be gone if he lets go. "It's okay." He tries, "We need to get you to a doctor."

"No."

"Darling, your sick..." He kisses your temple. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'll be with you every second of it. Please." He begs.

"I'm scared." You pull your legs off his lap and turn on your side. "I, I don't...Jamie, I'm sorry. I feel awful, and I don't recognize myself. It would be better if I disappeared. I didn't want to hurt you. I tried to kill the pain."

"I know, Love."

He takes this opportunity to snuggle up to you, taking his place as the big spoon. He kisses your neck, "It's going to get better. I promise." He runs his fingertips up and down your arm in a gentle manner. "This world needs you; I need you... I want to grow old with you and take care of you." He quietly tells you.

Jamie would not lose you to depression; he'd almost lost himself to the battle and would not allow depression to take you. Not now, not ever.

Turning on your other side to face him, you curl into Jamie's body and bury your face in his chest. Eyes are slowly closing while Jamie plays with your hair. You feel safe and calm for the first time in months. Who knew the one you tried to push away greatly was the one you needed the most?

[maladaptive-jcb]

Chapter 3: A Taste of Intrigue

Jamie x female!reader fanfic

(fluff, safe for under 18)

Click here for chapter 2 if you missed it.

Summary: Reader is an independent artist who lives on her own in a small town and meets Jamie, a musician, in an art studio where their budding relationship formed through shared interests of different forms of art.

Warning: There will be talks about trauma and PTSD from domestic abuse and dissociative episodes throughout the story.

“Shit, Jamie. This is a fancy place I thought it was just a small restaurant! I am not dressed for this!” I nervously adjust my denim jacket covering my casual white dress that has a little paint stain on it.

There's no way he actually brought me here. I've heard people talk amazing things about this place. Heck, celebrities were seen dining in this very restaurant. Even with the place blasted with air-conditioner, I still feel beads of sweat forming on my back and my palms where I'm discreetly trying to wipe off on my dress. I'm sure no one is looking at me but I can't help but to telepathically apologize to everyone for the way I look. I promise I can look better than this. I'm so sorry everyone, please give me a chance. Yet, everyone just keeps eating and talking to each other mindlessly.

“Stop it. You’re beautiful,” he touches my shoulder to reassure me. His fingers graze on my hand as he lowers his and sends my feet frozen in place. “You always are.”

Before I could say anything, he's already making his way to talk to the hostess. “Jamie Bower reservation, table for two?”

“Yes, sir. Right this way,” the beautiful hostess ushers us to the table, admiring the man in front of her. He really has a certain allure that draws people's attention. Whether it's the way he's dressed, his charisma or confidence, I can't quite figure it out. Either way, the hostess' admiration is evident to them and it only draws my interest of the man behind that dazzling smile.

As we settle into our seats at the table, my mind buzzes with curiosity. Lots of questions are running through my head. He has a fancy car, great fashion sense, and now he's interested in a small town and a simple painting class. Why would someone like him even bothered to join something like that?

“Jamie, can I… can I ask you something?” I lean in to whisper.

His face turns serious, “What is it?”

“Are you… are you… rich?” I whisper in a hushed tone.

He starts laughing and clutching his chest. “No, darling I’m not. My parents are though. I'm just lucky enough to get to treat a friend tonight.”

I laugh in ease. “Well, how sweet of you. Alright, next time you’re paying for my coffee instead.”

“No, I’m paying for dinner,” as he grabs his menu to his chest and gives that sickeningly sweet grin again.

"Well, if you insist," I return the smile to him.

Everything feels so much more at ease with our playful banter. Jamie really has a way of lightening up the mood. However, a sudden realization dawns upon me.

That cliché notion of a man paying for dinner makes me wonder if there's a romantic interest behind it. Although, Adrian did pay for our dinner one time after closing the bookstore and it was definitely not a date. I find myself overanalyzing the situation and questioning Jamie's intention behind this. Should I assume it's a date? What if I'm misinterpreting everything? I mean, would it be so bad if it is?

Before letting the excitement bubbling up to my chest, I shut it down immediately. I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

I face towards him again. He's tapping his fingers on his chin now, scanning the menu and still trying to decide what to get. He doesn't seem to notice my train of thoughts.

“Thanks for bringing me here. I didn’t expect our random café meet up would bring me to this place. It’s nice," breaking our moment of silence. I'm still finding myself looking around the beautiful restaurant once again. It has an overlooking view of the radiant sunset in the ocean.

“My pleasure,” his hand closer to mine on the table. His long slender fingers brush against mine. Every little touch from him sends an electric shock down my spine.

“You know, you were about to leave immediately. I was trying to find a way to make you stay,” he slowly sips on the wine poured for us. “I could really use a friend and I'd love to get to know you more," he adds on.

Friend. The word flutters in my chest as I wonder if it's just a friendly gesture or there's more to it beneath the surface. I quickly shake the thoughts away and casually pulls my hand to fix my hair and hoping he doesn't notice my nervous gesture.

The waiter finally comes to take our orders. My appetite goes for the ravioli while Jamie goes for the Chicken Parmigiana. Jamie raises his eyebrows excitingly at me while his hand rubbing on his stomach. I let out a small giggle.

"You know, I've heard so much about this restaurant. I've always wanted to try this place," I say, feeling more at ease as we continue our lighthearted banter.

"Oh, you're in for a treat," Jamie replies, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

____

“Okay, come here you need to try this,” he gets some of his chicken to his fork and lifts it up towards me.

“No, Jamie. Don’t be silly,” I shake my head and laughs at his demeanor.

“Ah, ah- I’m not gonna stop until you try it. Come on.” He’s still trying to get me to open my mouth.

“Jamie, I don’t think-“

“Oh come on, y/n. Come on, come on, come on-“ he pleads, lips pouting now.

“Alright! Alright! You silly bean,” I take a bite immediately. He smiles in triumph and waits for a reaction.

My eyes widen. He's right. It is good.

“Uh huh. What did I tell you??” his hand gesturing himself knowing he’s right.

“Woah, what did they put in this food??” I swallow after the burst of different flavors in my taste buds.

“I’m telling you! You need to trust me more a little, y/n.” His fork now playfully swinging at me.

The playful banter continues, but beneath the surface, curiosity still creeps into my head. Can I trust him? It's true that we spend time together in class and have shared some connections, but there's a part of him that remains a mystery.

In class, Jamie is often quiet and reserved. Yet, in our interactions outside of class, he's charming, attentive, and full of life. I can't help but wonder which version of him is the real one.

“What, you’re not gonna let me taste yours too?”

I jump a little.

“My…” and I notice his glances shifted from my eyes and towards my plate.

“MY FOOD,” I exclaim a little too loud. “Here if you want it soooo bad,” I tease him and pushes my plate a little closer to him. Jamie’s eyebrows furrow and squints at me.

“Not like that, darling.” He closes his eyes and opens his mouth.

I can feel my cheeks are getting warm again. A little grateful that his eyes are closed as my blood are rushing quickly towards my face. I pick up some of my ravioli on the fork on one hand and another under his chin to avoid making a mess.

“Oh yes, that’s amazing." His face making an exaggerated satisfied look. "Tastes about the same as the first five times I’ve had it here,” he adds, trying to contain his laughter this time.

“For goodness sake, Jamie!!!” my hand on my forehead now, covering myself in embarrassment.

He finally lets out a laugh. “Aw come on, y/n. You know I can’t help myself," he pulls my arm away from my face gently. His fingers feel warm on my bare skin under the cold air of the restaurant.

We spend the rest of the dinner sharing more stuff about each other. Jamie eventually opens up about the passion that he has in music. He looks so animated and full of joy from talking about songwriting, singing, playing the guitar to playing the piano. He even talks about a few music he puts out with his old band which was basically his younger brother, Sam and a few other friends.

"I'd love for you to listen to my stuff whenever you get the chance to," still talking in excitement. I nod in agreement.

He reels me in even deeper into who he is. Jamie's artistic heart runs deep, and it's not limited to just painting. His passion for music is evident in the way his face lights up and his whole demeanor changes when he describes it. It's like a different side of him emerges, in a good way. As much as he likes painting, he still feels like he has to constantly work to be good whereas with music, Jamie seems to have a natural talent that comes effortlessly.

He's not just a quiet guy that I thought I knew. He's so multifaceted with depths that I'm only starting to discover and I'm excited for it.

After we continue the night with more funny stories from class, we finally realize how late it is. Time really does fly when you're having a good time.

_____

Chapter 4

Woo! You're finally getting to know Jamie a little better after wondering about him for a while. How will the dinner end for you guys? Can this friendship turn into something more or is one of you guys still aren't ready for that? What do you think? Let me know :)

[postsofbabel]

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[ijprspharmajobs-blog]

Heat Shock Proteins, a short review

INTRODUCTION Stressful conditions trigger certain defence mechanisms, including those at molecular levels. This was first seen in Drosophilia and was reported in 1974.1 Heat Shock Proteins (HSPs), also known as Stress-induced Proteins or Stress Proteins, are one such class of proteins that are produced in the body in response to stress, under the control of Heat Shock Factors (HSFs), although some are constitutively expressed. The stress may be heat, cold, UV radiation, infections, inflammation, heavy metal exposure or else. HSPs are produced by all organisms and are ubiquitously present. The primary involvement of these proteins is in the folding and stabilization of other proteins, and thus they play an intimate role in the aggregation of various other proteins.2 Besides action on protein folding, these HSPs also possess pro- and anti-apoptotic properties, making them suitable targets for drug development. The HSP families are classified according to their molecular weight.3 Table 1 describes in brief the classification as well as a few functions of these proteins. In the recent past, various drug have been developed which act in line or against the HSPs but a still in their infancy. Besides drugs, the HSPs are also employed as diagnostic tools in various cancers. These are referenced in Table 2. The flip side is the new set of adverse effects which are seen with these class of drugs. In patients with H.pylori infection which is implicated in the development of gastric carcinoma, it was observed that HSPs contributed to the progression of H. pylori-associated gastric carcinogenesis as well as led to the aggravation of gastric inflammation.33 Table 1: Functions of Heat Shock Proteins Family Function HSP90 (constitutive, induced)4 - 8 -          Regulatory interactions with signalling proteins -          Protein synthesis, folding and degradation -          Stabilization of misfolded proteins -          Binding of estrogen, progesterone, androgen, and aldosterone 5 -          Delivery of antigens to APCs 6 -          Cancer cells: enhances growth, supresses senescence, provides resistance to stress induced apoptosis. 7   -          Cardioprotective: binds to NO synthase and Guanylate cyclase, cause vascular relaxation  8 HSP70 (constitutive) 6, 9 - 12 -          Protein folding, membrane transport of proteins 9 -          Anti-apoptotic 10 -          Delivery of antigens to APCs 6 -          In sympathetic neurons: 11 •      HSP 72 – inhibits degradation of Tau protein, heat shock inducible •      HSC 70 - promotes degradation of Tau protein Low levels – associated with insulin resistance 12 HSP60 (constitutive) -          In the mitochondria, replication and transcription of DNA, pro-survival. 13 -          In the cytosol, complexes and inhibits maturation and activation of Caspase 3 – Anti apoptotic 14 -          At the surface and extracellularly, stimulates immune response 15 HSP40 -          Protein folding, co-chaperon for HSP70 16 -          HSP40-70 complex – modulate accumulation of polyglutamine proteins 17 HSP27 (β1) (induced) -          Anti-apoptotic, prevents proteolysis by inhibiting liberation of cytochrome c from mitochondria18 Small HSPs -          Stabilization of misfolded proteins19 Table 2: Drugs acting via HSPs Family Drug Disease Against HSP90 Geldanamycin (derivative, 17-allylamine,17-demethoxigeldanamycin) Malaria20 Huntington’s disease21 Cacncers22,23 Efungumab Invasive Candidiasis24 Against HSP70 Triptolide Pancreatic cancer25 Mesothelioma26 Methylene blue (inhibits ATPase activity of HSP72) Alzheimer’s disease27 Pro-HSP60 Bortezomib28 Malignancies, increases expression of HSP60 on malignant cells and thus enhances immune response against tumour cells Against HSP40 Quercetin (inhibits HSP 40 and 27) Parkinson’s disease29 Cancer30 Against HSP27 Apatorsen (antisense oligonucleotide) Cancer31 Diagnostic tool32 Increased levels - Renal injury and fibrosis, Cancers of breast, lung, liver, prostate, rectal, osteosarcoma, leukaemia, cerebral and cardiac ischemia Reduced levels – oesophageal cancer Anti-HSP27 IgA – Gynaecological malignancies Against HSP70 Triptolide Pancreatic cancer25 Mesothelioma26 Methylene blue (inhibits ATPase activity of HSP72) Alzheimer’s disease27 Pro-HSP60 Bortezomib28 Malignancies, increases expression of HSP60 on malignant cells and thus enhances immune response against tumour cells Against HSP40 Quercetin (inhibits HSP 40 and 27) Parkinson’s disease29 Cancer30 Against HSP27 Apatorsen (antisense oligonucleotide) Cancer31 Diagnostic tool32 Increased levels - Renal injury and fibrosis, Cancers of breast, lung, liver, prostate, rectal, osteosarcoma, leukaemia, cerebral and cardiac ischemia Reduced levels – oesophageal cancer Anti-HSP27 IgA – Gynaecological malignancies   Autoimmune disease: Since these are highly conserved in nature, they are the initiators as well as the targets of autoimmune attack. Molecular mimicry and cross presentation of antigens are the phenomena of their involvement in autoimmunity. Their roles have been implicated in atherosclerosis, uveitis, lupus and Behcet’s disease. 34 Atherosclerosis: Risk factors for atherosclerosis including infection, oxidative stress, biomechanical stress, all lead to the overproduction of HSPs through the activation of heat shock transcription factor 1 which may lead to worsening of atherosclerosis.35 The anti-apoptotic property may lead to a poor prognosis and resistance to therapy in cancer which the anti-apoptotic activity may be therapeutically advantageous.36 Insomnia or sleep deprivation can lead to an increased level of HSPs acting as a neuroprotective response, emphasizing on the role of adequate sleep in disease prevention.37 CONCLUSION Harms and benefits are two sides of the same coin, as is the case with heat shock proteins. Despite their presence ubiquitously, a small rise or fall in their levels can have a different specific new set of adverse implications. However, despite the availability of information, further research in needed in order to develop newer drugs which may prove beneficial in the treatment of difficult, incurable diseases. REFERENCES Schlesinger, M. J. (1990). Heat shock proteins. The Journal of Biological Chemistry, 265(21), 12111–12114. PMid:2197269 Lindquist, S., & Craig, E. A. (1988). The heat-shock proteins. Annual review of genetics, 22(1), 631-677. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.ge.22.120188.003215, PMid:2853609 Wirth, D., Gustin, P., Drion, P., Dessy-Doize, C., & Christians, E. S. (2002). Heat shock proteins. I: Classification and roles in pathological processes. In Annales de Médecine Vétérinaire (Vol. 146, No. 4, pp. 201-216). Annales Medecine Veterinaire. Jackson, S. E. (2012). Hsp90: structure and function. In Molecular chaperones(pp. 155-240). Springer, Berlin, Heidelberg. https://doi.org/10.1007/128_2012_356, PMid:22955504 Joab, I., Radanyi, C., Renoir, M., Buchou, T., Catelli, M. G., Binart, N., ... & Baulieu, E. E. (1984). Common non-hormone binding component in non-transformed chick oviduct receptors of four steroid hormones. Nature, 308(5962), 850. https://doi.org/10.1038/308850a0, PMid:6201744 Gaston, J. S. H. (2002). Heat Shock Proteins and Innate immunity. Clin Exp Immunol, 127(1), 1–3. https://doi.org/10.1046/j.1365-2249.2002.01759.x, https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2249.1990.tb05394.x, PMid:11882025, PMCid:PMC1906278 Workman, P., Burrows, F., Neckers, L., & Rosen, N. (2007). Drugging the cancer chaperone HSP90: combinatorial therapeutic exploitation of oncogene addiction and tumor stress. Ann N Y Acad Sci, 1113, 202–216. https://doi.org/10.1196/annals.1391.012, PMid:17513464 Antonova, G., Lichtenbeld, H., Xia, T., Chatterjee, A., Dimitropoulou, C., & Catravas J. D. (2007). Functional significance of hsp90 complexes with NOS and sGC in endothelial cells. Clin Hemorheol Microcirc, 37(1-2), 19-35. Hartl, F.U. (1996). Molecular chaperones in cellular protein folding. Nature, 381, 571-579. https://doi.org/10.1038/381571a0, PMid:8637592 Gehrmann, M., Radons, J., Molls, M., & Multhoff, G. (2008). The therapeutic implications of clinically applied modifiers of heat shock protein 70 (Hsp70) expression by tumor cells. Cell Stress Chaperones, 13(1), 1-10. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12192-007-0006-0, PMid:18347936, PMCid:PMC2666213 Jinwal, U. K., Akoury, E., Abisambra, J. F., O'Leary, J. C., Thompson, A.D., Blair, L. J., et al. (2013). Imbalance of Hsp70 family variants fosters tau accumulation. FASEB J, 27(4), 1450-1459. https://doi.org/10.1096/fj.12-220889, PMid:23271055, PMCid:PMC3606536 Chichester, L., Wylie, A. T., Craft, S., & Kavanagh, K. (2015). Muscle heat shock protein 70 predicts insulin resistance with aging. 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[oskea93]

Hello! Your writing is amazing❤️

I’d love to put in a request please, ike a first date with jamie bower? Ends with a kiss and maybe smut😈

First Date - JCB x Reader

Warning: Sexual content, cursing

(Requested by Anonymous) 

I took a deep breath as the dark SUV pulled up in front of the house.

“You can do this.” I spoke to myself, taking one last look in the full-length mirror. I hadn’t been on a “first date” since freshman year of college – the date ending in complete disaster. I told myself that maybe I wasn’t the dating type. It never seemed to work out and I was tired of wasting my time.

My heels clicked against the concrete walkway as I approached the car. I watched as the driver quickly opened the door, giving me a small greeting as he helped me into the vehicle. This was defiantly a first. I never had a suiter send a car for me, let alone a fancy SUV. Most of the time, I had to drive myself and wait for the guy to show up – which sometimes that wasn’t the case. I guess my friends were tired of me being the only single one in the group. They all had significant others, some even had children. Yet, here was little ol’ me, on my way to being the spinster that imposed on everyone’s dates. I received a text from a random number one day at work, telling me that the sender had received my number from a mutual friend of ours. At first, I ignored it. I wasn’t interested in going on a date, especially with a guy that my friends had picked out. The didn’t exactly have the best track record when it came to dates. He ended up texting me a couple more times throughout the day, finally asking if I wanted him to stop.

His name was Jamie, and he was an actor. I know it's taboo to do but I was curious, and the internet is so handy. He was in some pretty big franchises, even dabbling into the musician roll. He was handsome. His blonde hair and blue eyes being the first things I noticed. I had dated a few guys that were considered actors before, always leaving early due to their extreme egos. When I agreed to go on a date with him, I had already thought of an exit strategy.

The car soon pulled up in front of a small restaurant on the outskirts of town. It looked to be a mom-and-pop type place, only really known to those that were locals. I thanked the driver as he helped me out of the car, directly me to where Jamie would be located. I learned that I was way over dressed for the place, my romper and heels not matching up with the jeans and t-shirts worn by the other patrons. My eyes quickly landed on the man of the hour – his all-black ensemble sticking out from those around him. His blonde hair was pulled back in a tight bun as his shirt showed off the various tattoos on his arms.

“Y/n?” His accent reaching my ears, my internal organs melting in a pile of goo.

“Yes, and you must be Jamie.” I smiled.

“That indeed I am.” His smile bright. “Do you mind if I give you a hug?”

I nodded my head, my heart racing as his arms wrapped around my body. His scent was intoxicating. I was never a fan of dating anyone that smoked but the way the sent mixed in with his cologne drove me close to the cliff. We slowly pulled apart; his smile still present. “Here-“He quickly moved to pull the chair out. “Please, have a seat.”

I followed his lead, thanking him as he walked towards his chair. You could tell he was nervous, but it was a cute nervous. “You look absolutely stunning.” He complemented.

“Oh, thank you.” I gushed. “You look very handsome yourself.”

He made a gesture with is hand, “These old duds-“He laughed. “I wasn’t aware that this was a honky-tonk type of place or else I could have told you that there was a secret dress code.”

I let out a laugh, looking around at all the other people. “It’s okay. Sometimes it’s better not to blend in with everyone else.”

“Indeed.” He smirked.

We spent the next two hours just talking, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company. He talked about his upbringing and how he got into acting. He spoke highly of his parents and his brother, who you could tell he was very fond of. He was an open book, speaking candidly about his battle with addiction and his road to recovery. I found it very honorable of him to speak to a complete stranger about his past struggles. He could have kept everything hidden or lied completely.

When we talked, it was like we had known each other for years. The conversation flowed like a smooth river, no rocks or ridges insight. I was never one to fully open up to someone about my family life but there was something about Jamie that I trusted. The way he looked at you the whole time you spoke, showing that he was invested in what you were saying. He made me feel safe, comfortable.

“Would you like to dance?” The slow country song bringing the other couples onto the floor.

“Sure.” I smiled.

His hand gently held mine as he walked us onto the dance floor, those around us lost in the music as they moved around. Our fingers laced together, bodies flush against one another as we moved to the song. My head rested under his chin as I listened to his heartbeat, my own fluttering with passion. The last time I had danced with someone so intimately was at my senior prom, never really in the mood to do so afterwards. There was just something about Jamie. He possessed something in me that I never felt. I barely knew the guy, but I was smitten.

I lifted my head from his chest, our eyes meeting. “Is it alright if I kiss you?” His voice low.

Without hesitation, I placed my lips on his, our lips moving in a heated synchrony. I had long forgotten about my rule of kissing like this on the first date or having any type of intimacy period. His hands traveled down my hips, resting right above my ass. “You wanna get out of here?” I asked between kisses.

He looked at me, “You sure?”

I nodded my head, “Never been surer about anything else…”

I tiptoed around the room, gathering my things, careful not to wake him as I moved. I was due into the office earlier than normal this morning, not knowing at the time I scheduled myself that I would be hooking up with Jamie the night before. I guess you could say that I could have ended things before they got to this point, but the moment his lips met mine, I was fucking done.

I kept looking towards the darkened partition, worried that the driver could move it down any second. My moans filled the backseat, fingers wrapped in his unkept hair as his tongue caused my demise. “Fuck sake.”

As soon as we entered the car, we couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves. Teeth pulling at skin, leaving marks – our lips swollen from the force. I watched with lust as he slowly unbuttoned my romper, pulling the fabric all the way down, my bare chest on display. My nails dug into the leather seat as his lips trailed down my body, stopping right above the band of my underwear. I wasn’t expecting to have sex tonight, choosing a pair of boy shorts instead of something sexier. His eyes locked with mine, asking for permission before pulling the garment down. With a quick nod, he slowly pulled down the clothing, his lips trailing back up my left leg, my right leg hooking onto his shoulder. With just a flick of the tongue, I was in fucking heaven. I never felt such pleasure in my entire life.

I barely had time to redress by the time the car pulled up to his building. He stuffed my panties into his pants pocket before ushering me out of the vehicle and into the structure. We didn’t even make it his apartment, pressing the emergency stop button on the elevator panel. My bare back slammed against the cool metal, our reflections staring back at me as he drilled into my body. After the first round, he resumed elevator operations, pressing his floor number. From the time the elevator stopped to the time we arrived at his door, I was able to catch my breath and prepare for what was to come (literally). Every inch of his apartment was used – kitchen table, couch, staircase. We finally reached the bedroom, the sex more sensual and not as rushed as before.

Before leaving, I wrote him a little note, thanking him for the wonderful night. I made sure to put it near his phone, knowing he would see it as soon as he woke up. My lips softly touched his cheek, lingering for a moment before pulling away.

The first date that I dreaded the most ended up being the best one of my life.