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livingdeadmlm · 4 months ago

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Back in February you mentioned you are interested in writing a Moder office au for rdr (if I am not mistaken) Could you share some of how you Invision the gang in 2010's?

I did! I love office romances so much I don’t know where the love came from but is it there and has been since I was a kid.

BUT I ABSOLUTELY CAN TALK ABOJT HOW ID INVISOM THEM IN 2010’s I am at work rn so sorry for any formatting issues or if I forget anyone/anything

Okay so

Arthur I imagine would be about the same, johns older brother who goes around doing odd jobs for people in town.

I absolutely believe Arthur would be very late to technology and he still has a whole shelf full of CDs and DVDs and a box with all his and John’s favorite movies on VHS. At most he has a ps3 MAYBE a ps4 in his room that he only uses to watch movies and like YouTube videos.

But Arthur surprised everyone when he made an instagram account on his own with no profile photo but posted anything he found on the road on his story. Think one day it’s a nice sunset and the next one is a photo of a wild bunny resting on his lap taken at such an awkward angle.

The only actual posts he has is ones Mary-Beth and Tilly posted for him of him on his birthday and other holidays

John though is much more on the internet but has somehow avoided any of the right wing pipelines that were so prevalent at the time. He thought pewdiepie was stupid from the jump and each year that passes he’s only proven right

I think John would be into the alternative music scene. But knows no actual band names even though his closet is mostly band tee shirts and denim jackets

“Oh wow cool paramore shirt! What’s you fav song?”

“What’s a paramore?”

“…”

But I’ll get self indulgent here I think both John and Javier love getting into arguments on the internet with other people.

When either of them start loosing they’ll tag the other and just shit on the one person in the replies.

And on a few occasions is Sean who they’re fighting with without knowing because he has like 10 accounts on every platform and keeps forgetting his password.

John loves random ass games he’d find at the local GameStop.

He played all the Dead rising games with Hosea Dutch and Arthur watching after dinner for a few weeks.

Javier has a Facebook account he got logged out of and it has photos of when he was one of the OG emo kids from the 2000’s

Occasionally one of the gang members sends a screenshot of his old Facebook statues updates and he wants to explode them with his mind.

Karen will text him ‘rawr XD’ sometimes just to make him mad

Javier also has a big physical media collection and sometimes he and Arthur will trade CDs or DVDs

Charles isn’t as behind as Arthur but will he is the one Arthur will text asking about acronyms and what they mean.

Charles thinks it’s really funny when he’s out fishing to take photos like those white guys on dating apps holding their fish.

Charles has a Xbox 360 and a Wii set up in his living room even though both consoles are very well loved they work great!

Lenny has a PS4 and played OG Fortnite on his beat up school laptop

Lenny also likes to write down song lyrics in a notebook and write what he thinks it means vers what it means in context.

Lenny can’t drive so occasionally it’s Arthur or Hosea that offer to take him to class

Arthur and Lenny have a shared YouTube playlist of music that’s an absolute mess of genres but they made one after Arthur’s CD bag was too full to carry all their music.

Hosea and Dutch’s text messages are funny to read because Dutch needs reading glasses but refusing to wear them so all his messages are in all caps and Hosea responds very politely because he knows Dutch isn’t upset

“BRING MY MY BOTTLE FROM THE ROOM PLEASE I FORGOT IT”

“Okay dear”

Or even worse Dutch will send voice messages to everyone and at MINIMUM they are a minuet and thirty seconds long.

Hosea figured out how to connect his phone to his car speaker and listening them while out running errands

Sean streams every Sunday night and gets pretty regular views but he gets timed out on twitch often for cursing so much

Lenny usually is his duo on streaming nights

He had Charles on once but hasn’t had him back because the chat was dying over Charles sounding so attractive and it bruised his ego.

Karen absolutely is a Basic White Girl on Instagram in the best way ever. When those Starbucks secret menu drinks started she’d go in when Mary-Beth was working with Tilly by her side and they’d ask for a drink Mary-Beth had never heard of before to fuck with her.

Mary-Beth has posted to her insta story begging people to stop asking for whatever unicorn frap bullshit they found on Pinterest cause she’s just throwing whatever in a blender and praying for the best

Speaking of Mary-Beth has both Tumblr and Pinterest and it’s all photos of cute bookshelves in old houses or whatever current fandom she’s in

Mary-Beth has a YouTube channel where she talks about the books she’s reading and rating them

Karen has a vlog channel where she’s really popular for being relatable and real but she posts like once a month

Tilly would absolutely become a cosmetology student with Abigail and as support most of the men in the gang go to their school so they can practice on their hair.

Except Dutch. He likes his hair too much and while he knows both Abigail and Tilly are talented he’s nervous cause his hair is already so hard to maintain.

BUT (because at least where I live in the 2010’s you had to do waxing, hair, nails and makeup classes) Dutch does have them fix up his nails once a week and leaves a huge top to make up for the lack of haircuts

Arthur watches Karen’s and Mary-Beth’s videos to support them. He will comment and like each video

“Well said 👍”

“Karen when did you record me.”

Hosea has FarmVille on the family computer in their home and a Facebook account to be nosy on other peoples lives

Mary-Beth and Tilly unironically love twilight and each year fall came around they’d rewatch the movies together as a girls night.

Abigail joined them now and then cause she thinks the movies are fun to laugh at

#headcannons #red dead redemption 2

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halfmoth-halfman · 2 years ago

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we're starting to get into the spooky months now, so what better way to close out the summer vibes than with a fic rec list!!

unfortunately, the original of this post got messed up through my queue and it left me discouraged and not really with the energy to go all out like i usually do so i apologize if the reviews are a little lackluster this time around, but i did love and adore every single one of these fics 💜

if you wanna see more more of my fic recs and favs, i have em all on my recs blog, here!! please note the navi page is still under construction!!

and of course, if you have any fic recs of your own, feel free to send em my way here or on my sideblog - i love finding new fics and writers!! 💜

Javier Peña

birthday bash || a pile of cards - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ what else can i say? cute. adorable. perfect. made me feel like it was my birthday, because this was fic was such a gift. i don't know how jo is able to write the cutest and most fun relationship dynamics, but it makes my heart soar every time.

late night texts || iv. before the gold and glimmer | bonus scene: phone sex | v. you make me feel wild | vi. the place where i want to be | bonus scene: wicked games you play | vii. oh the sweetest thing - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i will never not be in love with the way jo writes javi, and the absolute beauty of her writing. the way this relationship builds and feels so real with equals parts teasing and the shyness of the first time meeting someone you kinda sorta know always leaves me stunned.

John "Soap" MacTavish

run away to me || i. - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i'm warning y'all now, hal has spoiled me this month and a lot of the fics on this list are gonna be hers. but to start we're talking about this fantastic fic. blacksmith!soap was not something i knew i needed and i am foaming at the mouth to see where this goes.

soap comforting reader - @nrdmssgs

✧ coming from someone who's had very similar anxieties around meeting a significant other's family, this hit very close to home and was so. damn. sweet. i love this so much and soap being an absolute sweetheart here was just icing on the cake.

John Price

glitter and gold || snippet - @writeforfandoms

✧ i could talk about this fic for hours. not only have i read it about a hundred times, but this fic helped inspire me to start drawing again. one of my top favorite comfort fics, everything about it is perfect. dragon!price being so in love with his wife, princess!reader finding joy and love and freedom with her new husband, the little appearances from the rest of the 141. it's all just perfect.

cardigan || part 1. it starts in a bar - @as-is-above-so-below

✧ price x teacher!reader was a lovely idea that i have been waiting for with baited breath and it did not disappoint. esp this part:

“Believe me. I get it. My career makes it difficult to find time for much of anything.”

“Yeah, well, I have sixteen kids.”

i love sassy teacher!reader.

songs that sound like sea-foam || (ii) | (iii) - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ this fic destroyed me. i had to call my mom and talk to her about it because i loved it so much. idk how to describe it, this filled me with a beautiful sense of longing and nostalgia of the classic fairytales my parents used to read me before bed

all, most, some, none - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ mmkay just one second while i-

lions and ibexes - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i love husband!price, don't get me wrong, but i think farah was the real star of this fic. her characterization is wonderful, and the talk she and reader have is so sad (for lack of a better word) but also hopeful and real. i want to have a love the way hal writes it in her fics.

late night cookies - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ perfect dad!price fic right here. really hit me right in the unresolved daddy issues. good job.

where did you sleep last night - @captainfern

✧ i might just be a sucker for pet names like my love and darling, but this was so unbelievably sweet. reader missing price so much that they light one of his cigars just for the familiar smell of him?? i'm aldkasjl i love this so much.

glory to the reaper - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ the ability of hal to just present us with pure poetry like it's no big deal is just ugh chef's kiss. like all of this here:

How can life go on when such things are uttered to light? When they’re buried deep into your marrow like the dirt on top of a grave?

How can the Reaper knock at your doorways when love exists in such quantity…in the fractures of his eyes? Only when his lips brush yours do you understand.

absolutely stunning.

ducky socks - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ dad!price strikes again by breaking my heart in the best possible way and gluing it back together with pure sweetness and a wholesome father-daughter relationship.

Keegan P. Russ

for the weak and weary - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i am of a simple mind. i see hal has written a keegan fic, i drop everything and read the keegan fic, i sob uncontrollably and struggle to read through my tears, i scroll back up to the top and read again.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

some nights are like that - @deadbranch

✧ insert ohmygod they were roommates meme here. i love gaz, i love friends to lovers, i love roommates to lovers, i love everything about this fic. it's cute, it's sweet, it made me giggle. 10/10 will read again.

cult of vagabonds || chapter six: storm-flying petrels - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i crave this series like something else let me tell you, and each chapter completely delivers. reader is somehow so frustrating and so relatable at the same time, no regard for her own life but also...same.

to be in love - @lethalchiralium

✧ am i biased because i requested this? yes. but also because this is cute and wholesome and perfect and the idea of gaz buying flowers for his crush makes me smile like an idiot and keri did a perfect job with this.

paper rings - @lethalchiralium

✧ this is me staring at keri after she's written one of the most perfect gaz prompts i've ever read and giving me the cutest, sweetest, most wholesome treat.

get behind me - @writeforfandoms

✧ i love fall fair stuff. corn mazes, haunted houses, bobbing for apples, all of it. and it's even better with the addition of gaz. soap being a little shit had me laughing, but gaz being such a sweetheart (and a little bit of a tease) just had my smiling and giggling to myself.

there’s no need to panic, i’m right here now, aren’t i? you’re safe - @writeforfandoms

✧ gaz is the best boi and even more so when jen writes him. i love the way she portrays him being so soft and comforting, but also not afraid to take care of problems for his significant other. and, as someone who's had loud neighbors, i wish i had gaz there to take care of them for me too 😭

Miguel O'Hara

glass houses - @lethal-chiralium

✧ actual picture of me pretending to be okay after reading this and having my heart shATTERED INTO A MILLION PIECES HOW DARE YOU KERI

welcome to new york || 3 | 4 - @writeforfandoms

✧ i consume these chapters as if they're a decadent slice of cake made just for me and they're so fucking delicious every time. i love lyla and jess in this fic (i love everyone in this fic tbh, but i gotta support the girlies) and this part right here:

(Note to self: bring a sweater.)

literally me. i love this so much and can't wait see where it goes.

hammock by the sea - @wyvernest

✧ the way this fic made me want to enjoy a sunny july afternoon on my honeymoon with miguel in a hammock soooo bad. idk if feel-good can be used to describe a fic, but that's how i feel about this one. it's a feel-good fic, makes me soft and happy and wistful.

spider-girl!reader|| you haven't kissed me all day | jealous miguel | saying i love you for the first time - @luveline

✧ luveline never misses with the miguel fics. every single one is A+ 10/10 chef's kiss. the domesticity while also keeping miguel his grumpy self is just lakdjaksl i'm so weak for luveline's fics and her portrayal of miguel.

Multi

dead disco || chapter 6 - @peachesofteal

✧ i really gotta read this series in small doses, because the way it makes my heart ache cannot be healthy. i just want everything to work out, for them to be happy but goddamn does peach want me to suffer (and i happily thank her for it)

how do they cuddle - @homicidal-slvt

✧ this has any and everyone in it, but more importantly it has my boys, gaz and roach and that's all that matters to me. gaz being the type to do a little kiss attack is so cute and something i can see him doing and roach tracing little shapes and letters i'm screaming. also graves being an absolute menace, you're so right for that.

Nikto

ravishing allure || prologue | cake for a dead man (i) -@halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ do i know who nikto is? not in the slightest. did that stop me from dropping everything to read this series? not in the slightest. will i ever be normal about one of hal's amazing fics? not in the slightest :)

Phillip Graves

close your eyes for me, love - @writeforfandoms

✧ protective graves just does something for me. like, of course, he's a little shit and all that, but, as we've seen in canon, that man is loyal to a fault so it makes sense that loyalty would extend to his significant other. and also the way jen writes him just makes me blush and giggle so that's a plus 🤭

Rodolfo Parra

pressing their foreheads together - @writeforfandoms

✧ i read Warnings: soft domestic fluff and kissing. and knew this fic was gonna be made for me. and i was right. this fic made me sigh longingly. i am so astronomically weak for the way jen writes this man and the way she writes soft domesticity.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

the safe house has seen better days - @ghostaholics

✧ how does it feel to have such a perfect understanding of a character and then create such a gorgeous fic on top of that??

Always staying awake, always assigning himself to the graveyard shift for watch while everyone else squeezes in a few hours of rest before the sun comes up.

i am in awe of ms. ghostaholics and her beautiful ability to turn characterization into pure poetry.

hired as a live-in house cleaner - @ceilidho

✧ i👏🏼love👏🏼this👏🏼fic👏🏼 this turned me into a big ol' soft pile of hearts and mush ugghh just the perfect amount of fluff. very cute but subtle too and y'know i think that fits ghost pretty well.

the team is invited to a wedding - @rileyslibrary

✧ one thing about me: i love a wedding. and this fic right here? absolutely delivered. it's got everything: ghost, gaz cameo, a wedding, macarons. not to mention the A+ banter between ghost and reader, i love them and this fic so much.

happiness || white carnations - @lethal-chiralium

✧ happiness hurts in a way that leaves me somehow longing for more and i can't describe it any other way. i think keri is determined to figure out how many different ways she can break my heart with angst and fluff and i couldn't be more thankful.

circles and squares - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i know i gushed about this fic already, but i'm gonna do it again. the best way to describe my feelings about this is that i would dedicate an entire section of my bookshelf just for jo's writing. the way she perfectly balances the differences between ghost and simon. the way he's stern and struggles, but doesn't lose his snark. the way he and reader support each other while still respecting each other and they're need for space. i'm so weak for this fic.

on the edge of the universe - @kil-g

✧ it's the world-building for me. it's the captivating atmosphere for me. there's just something so beautifully haunting here, and i am desperately clinging to every little piece of it. like i'm already feral for everything isa writes, and this is another excellent addition to the collection.

civ!reader kills someone out of self defense for the first time - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ had me hooked from the opening line and man was i on edge the rest of the time. i was panicking right there alongside reader, and the portrayal of her confusion and fear and anxiety was so well done. and ghost coming in to comfort her?? i was crying. so unbelievably good.

badly wrapped secrets - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i just-

"Thank you, for all of this.

He nods—short, and full of understanding, as well as signalling: you’re welcome."

i love them so much 😭

blood was its avatar - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i was fighting for my life trying to read this without blushing like a sinner in church and ended up looking something like this-

and i damn near cackled like a witch at that ending LMAO

the roommate series || lover boy - @a-small-writer-in-a-big-world

✧ i knew nothing about this series going on and when i tell you i read through it with a swiftness. my skin is clear, my knees are weak, my livestock is fed. this fic (this whole series tbh) has reached in and wrapped around my heart in the best possible way.

illicit indulgences || the ghost of you - @floralpascal

✧ i am screaming. this is so...i don't know the right word. beautiful? stunning? gorgeous? all of the above? the captivating description of loneliness, the way ella manages to capture the stubbornness of ghost missing someone but refusing to admit to himself that he does. they're so perfect and in love and i'm just alskdaj

can you imagine someone threatening you - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ you ever hear that phrase, so nice you reblog it twice? well i have, cause that's exactly what i did with this fic. it's the least i could do for the pure artistry of this fic. i love reader here, being so confident and capable and ghost being completely infatuated by her ability and so ready to kill anyone who disrespects her.

Valeria Garza

10 years too late on that, love - @writeforfandoms

✧ hello???? this was incredible???? i am??? slightly intimidated???? and in love??? with both valeria because she's mommy and with jen because she's such a wonderful writer and i am in awe of her talent.

#moth fic recs #fave fics #monthly fic recs

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metaphoricgibberish · 1 year ago

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Hi, it’s the annoying Bay Area anon again.

I come with a question more in tune with your blog this time. I’m kind of new to the fandom and was wondering if you could link me to some fic recs. Trying to go through ao3 and tumblr is overwhelming af and I really enjoyed your fics so I’m trusting your judgement lol

if you don't stop calling yourself terrible, undeserving names i will drive out to berkeley right now!

absolutely, of course, i would love to! first and foremost i must mention though, i am a very busy lady and i don't read half the amount of fics i would like to, so this list is just going to be off the top of my head, fics that have stuck with me and/or absolutely wrecked me, but i try to reblog stuff as i read it as well so keep an eye out for that.

Literally anything by @netherfeildren - Vic is an actual genius wordsmith and i worship the ground she walks on probably to a degree that freaks her out. you can't go wrong with any of her fics. Pink and Fear of God are my person favs tho.

Your Summer Dream by @swiftispunk - absolutely incredible, vacation!joel AU that i'm so obsessed with that i check daily like a madwoman for updates.

Lavender and Halcyon by @justagalwhowrites - Lavender is completed and probably thee quintessential Joel fic. Halcyon is a no breakout AU that i just started reading and also check for updates like a woman starved.

everything written by @the-ginger-hedge-witch - her series (which she's turning into a book because she's brilliant) Crush, is what made me start writing my first Javier Peña fic. Highly recommend her Joel boxer AU fic called Breakout.

Rough Day by @no-droids - obviously. this is probably the most famous fanfic the entire pedro fandom has. incredible work, everyone knows that.

Of Constellations & Creeds on AO3 - idk if this author has a tumblr, i read this ages ago and i don't think it was ever finished, but it is so fucking good, Mando a/b/o dynamics. i think about this fic more than i should.

forever is the sweetest con on AO3 - also unsure if this author has a tumblr (please if anyone sees this and knows any of the authors for the fics i've left untagged let me know) but i think i've read this fic like 20 times. reader is the daughter of a prepper, Joel and Tommy stubble into town and he's immediately smitten by her. takes place over several years. angst is so fucking good, and a wonderful payoff.

okay that's all off the top of my head, but there's thousands more that are incredible and amazing. i try to reblog things as i read, so just scroll through my blog for more recs!

hope you're doing well! i know it's quite a dreary week in the bay right now, hoping to see some sun soon!

#fic recs

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nereidprinc3ss · 1 year ago

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If ur gonna continue only writing for CM I wouldn't mind. I mostly like to see BAU!Spencer x nonBAU!reader, but I also like Professor!Spence. I may be the outlier here but prof!Spencer x TA/Student!reader is pretty boring for me lol. Now don't get me wrong I can DEVOUR an age gap fic from time to time, but those seem a bit over-written imo. Are you apart of any other fandoms and would you write for those on this blog? (totally not asking bc I'm in love with Peter Parker and have been craving stark!reader fics for months 👀)

ok unpopular opinion i'm not super into professor!spence x student reader either... i just think that man is way too ethical to even consider getting involved w one of his own students so its just not super believable for me

but omfg random uni student x spencer i could read/write FOREVER.... it just makes so much sense to me. he was a late bloomer and when ur as smart as he is age becomes so arbitrary, but i don't think he'd ever pursue someone BECAUSE they were younger than him yk? like he's not one of those 'get em while theyre young and easily manipulated' weirdos. in my vision for my fics he doesn't really think about the fact that he's older than his s/o, its just not that important to him and its not why he's attracted to them--so i don't really consider my uni!reader fics as "age gap" fics because even tho they technically are, bc its not really the focal point for me. but its my go-to bc im in university lol

as for other potential fandoms i'd write for, i tend to hyperfixate on one character at a time and get complete tunnel vision. for a while it was javier from narcos lmaoo and yes peter parker but spencer reid is by FAR my longest running fictional crush. maybe one day i'll diversify but for now this will likely remain a strictly criminal minds blog (but iron man is my fav superhero movie in case anyone wanted to know) (you didn't)

#ramblings #asks #headcanons

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maskedteaser · 1 year ago

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hii i just saw the rdr2 matchups you did and i love them AND HOLY SHIT APEX FAN‼️‼️ i love how detailed you are!! love your writing!! so if ur not too overwhelmed with requests id like to make one :3 and honestly if ur doing matchups for apex id love that too there's so little apex ffs, especially x reader </3 no pressure tho!!

anyways as for me. uhh. i don't use labels (aside from being asexual) but am pretty masculine in gender, and my love is for any gender. my pronouns are he/him :3

more about me,, im vegetarian, my favorite animal is the octopus, im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep (literally writing this at 10 am after not being able to sleep all night) but despite that i have a weird paradox where i am kinda strong? like i can pick ppl up. but can't have much activity for a long time lest i cast spell 200 bpm on myself. but for the sake of the ff i could totally bench press arthur morgans 180lb of pure muscle. its true <3

in apex i main wattson and bloodhound! but i also like crypto, octane ofc (who doesn't), loba, and... im sorry.. wraith 😭 i got wattsons heirloom after. a very long time of opening packs AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH no regrets!! french girl with giant nessie plush!!!!! tho i haven't played in forever (and honestly may keep it that way with how much they're nerfing bloodhound.. like.. c'mon man.. not my main.. they've already been nerfed so much 😭)

i recently started playing rdr2 cause im visiting family that has it (theres actually been a lot of funny stories being on an unfamiliar console, like playing 22+ hours and reaching chap 2 without knowing how to save.. and i didnt know how to tell arthurs weight so i kept him underweight for so long my poor starving man </3) after playing rdr1 quite a bit. i also vibed with john hard in 1 but i lowkey thought he was an angsty young adult in rdr2 and not a FATHER. my favs are arthur and javier tho i can barely see the latter cause where tf is he on the map?? same with charles where IS HE??? but anyways i also vibe so hard with kieran.

tho i could talk forever about my interests, other than that for personality: id describe myself as actually kinda confident around strangers, i love to compliment ppl i come across. for friends, much of the same, i like using improv as humor if that makes sense, ive been told im easy to talk to, i consider myself intuitive (also contributed to me being a tarot reader i believe), but i am the type to have a veeerryy hard time expressing negative feelings im having, and never crying in front of people, so no shortage of bottling emotions. im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. i really, really care about people (i would want to be a paramedic!! if my body could allow it..) and i so want to make peoples lives better!! but also can rather easily stop people from walking over me, should they try. i care about kids a lot, and get very peeved when other ppl dont know how kids brains work and mistreat them because of such, and cause they just have no respect for children. honestly with thinking like.. about formulating matchmaking requests i never really seem to think about what id want out of a person. honestly, just when someone cares (wow, such high standards) but should the time come, mmmost times im not afraid to make a selfish ask. most. maybe. sometimes. and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue.

for hobbies, i like to play video games as you may have guessed, i also like to read (non fiction, classic lit and danmeis especially), make art of all kinds but mainly physical sketches, and im always looking to add more shows/movies to my watched list.

i love to visit restaurants and cafes and interesting places surrounding food!!! my idea of a good time is eating with people, even if its in a crappy chuck e cheese. i love to try new foods (but it's a bit hard since becoming vegetarian), and i love matcha! i also love visiting just interesting places in general. why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? but other than that, i love my dedicated space 💗

i dont like rude people. mean people. people mean to kids and animals. bigots. assholes. any synonym for that. but honestly, not much else. there are other things that sure tick me off but can be pretty easily taken care of or compromised for.

i hope i didnt write a damn essay. half of it was geeking out over interests but. im guessing the brainrot is shared. but thank you so much for even reading my request this far!! (*˘︶˘*)

hii! sure thing! i love doing matchups especially when you guys give me lots of details :) let's get to it :) THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD!!! I'M REALLY SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES!!!

okay, first things first - let me tell you why I didn't choose other characters :)

❝ im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep ❞

Well, I need to be honest with you, I believe that despite your strenght, REVENANT would just make fun of your disability, he would NOT care at all, he'd probably pick on you and be REALLY rude. I hope it's not offensive (i'm sorry if i'm insensitive, it's not my intention), but I know he'd want to offend you. You could actually have a good hate-ship (if you know what i mean), where the only thing you guys do is fight with each other but I don't think that's what you want.

❝ im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. ❞

I'm sorry, have you seen OCTANE'S room? Let me remind you of that...

Can you see what is happening on his floor? This guy would probably drive you insane with how messy he is and I know he wouldn't care if you tried to ask him to clean it up... It would probably lead to many arguments and fights between you :(

❝and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue. ❞

I have this feeling that Loba would see you as an easy target to manipulate, she'd think that she could use you after seeing that you feel really bad when someone feels bad, so she'd probably talk about her past a lot around you - trying to make you feel like you need to help her with everything. I doubt that it could work out :( I hope you see my vision and I'm not weirdly delusional with my ideas.

BUT NOW FOR A RESULT... (NGL I HAD A BIG PROBLEM WITH THIS ONE SINCE YOU SEEM TO BE A GOOD MATCH FOR AT LEAST 2 LEGENDS, BUT I DECIDED TO PICK...)

VANTAGE

I feel like you and Vantage could have a really good relationship! You both seem to aim high with your ideals and I just think that you both are really empathetic, a little bit emotional even... You share the love for animals. She has her Echo and she'd probably die for him. Vantage would never let any animal be mistreated when she's watching.

" why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? " - I think she thinks exactly the same! She seems to be a big fan of nature and she is an explorer. Born on a cold planet where everything wanted to kill her, she knows that nature can both be beautiful and deadly. She is also really nice, and I think that when she gets closer to someone, she actually CARES, like...A LOT. You'd probably be treated really well. I think that Vantage would be really patient when it comes to you and expressing your feelings, she'd never let you just walk away if she saw that you were upset, I think that communication and trust is a priority in every relationship.

She'd listen to you when you tell her that you have chronic pain and she'd do exactly the things you ask her to do, always trying her best to help you and she'd make sure you're not pushing yourself too hard.

Thank you for reading 👽👽👽

#apex legends x reader #apex legends fic #vantage x reader #vantage apex legends #teaser.matchups #teaser.writing.apex.legends

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beefrobeefcal · 2 years ago

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fic author self rec

rules: when you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 🤍

thank you @iamasaddie & @sydneyinacoma for the tag! 💜🥩💜

it's hard as hell for me to choose but i will do my darndiddily arndest! None of these will be surprising... 👌🥩💜

so here it is in no particular order:

The Catfish & The Mouse - Chubby!Frankie Morales & F!Reader

The thing that started it all! I have a soft spot for this bc it's what thrust me from being a spectator to an active participant in the fic writing world. Even though I have my wish list for changes I would make to this, I don't think I will touch it (at least for the foreseeable future) bc it's so dear to me.

Baby's Got a Temper - Chubby!Frankie Morales & F!Reader One Shot

This def takes the top spot for my fav C!FxM one shots. This one was the first one I had a lot of fun writing. I loved the prompt, I loved the way it fell out of me, I loved the reception. I feel like I hit a good groove with this piece.

The Way to a Man's Heart - Chubby!Joel Miller & F!Reader

I have said this before, but I was so nervous about this one. Joel already has a heavy duty, ironclad canon with a fairly solid reputation in the fic world for being a dom!daddy big meanie pants (sometimes with a heart of gold) that can leave little to find new grounds in. While I don't think that I broke new ground with a softer Jackson-era Joel, I was pleased with how Chubby!Joel rolled out. Credit to Hozier’s newest album that I played on repeat while writing this for the softy Joel vibes.

An HR Nightmare - Chubby!Javier Peña x F!Reader

What else is there to say about the Bistro's gumpy done-with-this-shit narco buster? i loved writing this. And being a Peña girlie, when the prompts rolled in, I couldn't deny the call. Even though I wasn't 100% sure the fic would fly, the response warmed my cold beef heart and made me feel more confident in my choices. Also, the request fom @toxicanonymity for an In Between the Scenes made it even more fun for me.

On the Waterfront - Dark!Frankie Morales x F!Reader (ongoing)

Truthfully, if you put me in a room with all my children fics and said to choose one, I'd choose OTWF. Couple of reasons: 1. I'm super proud of it. I felt like all the confidence and skill I had building up came to fruition in this one. While I would happily read all my fics if someone else wrote them, this is the one that I would be keeping calendar on for the updates (apologies to those keeping calendar for the updates). 2. (and arguably the more important one) @neverwheremoonchild -I have such admiration for them & feel so delighted for the brainstorming sessions we have had conjuring the plot. From the we-need-jesus all caps chats to the feral livedocs with endless notes & cry-laugh inducing comments... let's just say that OTWF is not about the journey, it's about the friends we make along the way.

NO PRESSURE TAGLIST: @theywhowriteandknowthings @neverwheremoonchild @rebel-held @xdaddysprincessxx @albertasunrise @avastrasposts @ghosmooth-operator ... and anyone else who wants to get in on it!

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal tummy #frankie morales #triple frontier #francisco catfish morales #frankie morales fanfiction #chubby frankie rights !!!!!#tag game #joel miller fanfic #chubby!joel miller #chubby joel rights !!!#javier peña fanfiction #chubby!peña #chubby peña rights !!!#🥩#friends of beefro

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creedslove · 2 years ago

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Do you think he shaves his pubes? Or trims? Also, what do you think each character fav position is?

You mean Javi? I'm assuming it's Javi because of the last ask and well, we've already had an answer to both of these questions in certain episodes, also, praise the entire team narcos team behind cameras such as the director, the producers, the camera guys, the stylist because they were all as in love with pedro/javier as we are

Also, I'm not gonna add the gifs because I'm scared of my blog being flagged, but you know what I'm talking about hehehe

Joel Miller: I don't see Joel shaving or trimming his pubes, he's the kind of guy who doesn't get a haircut unless someone like his wife or Sarah tells him to because his curls have gone too wild, so if his partner aka you don't complain about it, he'll leave his pubes the way they are

As for position, I'm sure he likes the good old missionary and also for morning lazy sex he fucks you on your side

Agent Whiskey: Whiskey is the one I can't really make up my mind, I mean, on one hand, I believe he would shave it off, on the other hand, I believe he would have it perfectly trimmed, like his mustache, but if he trims is well, isn't it easier just to shave it? Idk I can't make up my mind

Also for position, we've already been given this gift by Kingsman, but when we talk about riding the cowboy, it's not only about riding his cock, it's his whole face, riding that mustache, his nose, his mouth and he also definitely likes reverse cowgirl too!!

Sorry anon, I don't have time to write more about the other Pedro characters now, so maybe later you can tell me which other you'd like to know ❤️

#javier peña #joel miller #agent whiskey

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thesummerpetrichor · 8 months ago

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What made you love Javi this much? I mean, same. Out of all characters Pedro played he is my fav <33

Thank you so much for your question- I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond.

I honestly couldn’t tell you! He’s obviously a very well written character- I think Pedro did a really good job mediating between the writers and audience, and you really get a sense that Javi is a fully fleshed out, well thought through character and I really appreciate that. There’s a lot of aspects of his personality that I enjoy- generally and for writing fic. I think there’s a lot to play with concerning his emotional unavailability, the intimate nature of his work relationships and just what a grumpy old man he is. Also he is just so aesthetically appealing. I love his style and his vibe. I think a rather inarticulate answer to this question is that I love Javiers whole vibe. He’s my dream fantasy man (as horrid as that sounds, and of course sans the whole narc/cop thing lmao)

He’s my perfect, slutty old man.

Thanks so much for this lovely, thoughtful question. I hope this answer was even a little bit satisfactory lmao!! Thanks so much for reading and engaging with my work 💗🐝.

#summer answers #pedro pascal #javier peña x reader #Javier pena

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daryldixonsjizzrag · 2 years ago

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Random modern John Marston hcs and also things I think he'd like (might add more tmmr) some Javier x John stuff (fluff) is mentioned so just keep scrolling if u don't like that - He LOVES canned cheese. Like the American whipped cream bullshit. Javier would constantly be screaming at him wondering where there's 5+ cans of cheese in the fridge. - Septum piercings. Javier gave him one. He cried a little but refused to admit it. When it healed the kissed once and somehow got their piercings stuck and had to figure out how to get them unstuck. - DRUM KITS!!!! That mf would be so loud on them. He got multiple noise complaints from the neighbours but seriously didn't give a shit (he also watched hop as a kid and that's partially what got him his interest in drums and rock and stuff). - Alternative rock. The amount of times Javier hasn't been able to sleep because he could hear "I WATCHED A CHAAAAAAANGE IN YOUUUUUUU" Being screamed by John is just way too many to count. His fav band would definitely be Deftones. He usually entirely ignores the lyrics and only pays attention to them when he's blasting the music in public, realising how fucked they can be and changes the song to the cocomelon theme or smth idk. More under the cut

- Weed. It's self explanatory. - His childhood comfort character was probably Scooby-Doo. He also really liked Shaggy and as he got older grew a theory that Shaggy was hiding a bong somewhere in that van (It's so canon don't lie). - HE WAS A MYSPACE EMO EVERYONE!!!!! - Looked up porn on a school library laptop once because he was dared to. Deeply regretted it. But he didn't????? Idk I'm very sleep deprived. - He either wears amazingly tight skinny jeans like the shit all male teachers wear or the baggiest pants to ever exist in the history of clothing. No in between. - Javier took him to a emo/goth shop once. Probably ALT CVLT was the first goth shop John ever went to. He got some pants, one of those weird chain harness things and a rat skull. I'm absolutely losing it rn and I think at some point I just started writing shit ab myself but 😜 OH WELL /hj. Below are just some random thoughts I have about him from time to time he looks like a wet kitten. it's very cute. Even though his hair is greasy af. woah I just blinked and had this vision of John with like really skinny legs that was enlightening. I think about him alot. like alot alot. I cried whilst looking at pixel him earlier this morning. I was simply just riding to armadillo and started crying because he makes me IMPLODE with serotonin. I subconsciously changed my sleeping schedule to match his pls help. I could put all this in the tags but NO. My brain doesn't want that. I'm only getting 6 hours of sleep per night and I feel like I'm going to die.

#im very tired #javier escuella x john marston #john marston #john marston is very silly just like me ahhhh !!!!!#why am i like this #john marston headcanons

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lloydfrontera · 2 years ago

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at first I lovedddd the webcomic, it's my favourite webcomic of all time. Sometimes I felt like things were rushed (cough cough.. bone dragon arc...) And just seemed off in the story, like it wasn't even meant to be in it but I didn't mind it bc I liked the silliness and lightheartedness of the story until I read the q&a. I was so thrown off by how "rude" the artist seemed and when it got to the point where someone asked about all the changes that's when I was like "changes? You mean they changed a few things about the story from the original novel?". I then started digging around and that's when I found ur blogs and wow, the whole story changed perspectives for me. After reading more and more I found out exactly how complex Lloyds character is and his relationship with other characters and the whole "Javiers hair is mint green cuz silver is hard to draw" as a just beginner artist I thought was very stupid. I tried reading the novel after finding out how much was actually changed and how the novel is more complex and filled out than the novel but I'm too small brained and trying to read something with mostly words makes my head actually spin and lose interest (which is why I only read the adaptations of stuff a d never the novels) . I find it quite sad actually bc at first when we got introduced to og Lloyd in the newest chapter I instantly fell in love with him because I like his type of character and I find him very relatable, always blaming others (even tho I know I'm wrong), making excuses, violent behaviour, actually somewhat caring about things but mostly not really and using alcohol (for me it's daydreaming) as a way to escape. Or at least that's how I see him in the webcomic and yeah that's why I find him very relatable. I love him so much even more than Kim (y'all don't attack me for this T^T) but after reading ur blog about him and realising he's completely different and much more whiny and shitty in the novel I'm just like "aw man, my fav character that most people hate is actually supposed to be a absolute bitch with no good or relatable thing about him(I still love webcomic him tho)" . I'm very disappointed with the webcomic now honestly and would love to read the novel but again I just literally can't read only words (if u have any suggestions on how to make it easier and more interesting to read novels wiithout literally having to bang my head on my table because of all the words and no pictures that would be really great!! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

Wait now that I'm reading this I realised I went completely off course and just saying stuff about myself , I understand if ya don't reply or have anything to say cuz honestly neither would I T^T

sorry it took me so long to reply!

you are so valid nonnie i appreciate you took me along your journey <3

as for ways to read novels more easily! mmhh personally i've never really struggled with binge reading, so take my words with a grain of salt, but i've heard doing it in small chunks helps! you don't have to rush through a novel, you can do it at your pace. maybe you can liveblog it, point out stuff you like or made you laugh or just notice while you read. tged specifically has a lot of chapters but most of them hover around the 2.5-2.7k word count, so you can read one chapter at a time without getting to overwhelmed. the writing style is very simple, has constant breaks and also it does have illustrations for every chapter! if that helps!

if you can do it, maybe also changing the font or the spacing can help. personally i like clear fonts without too much embellishments and 1.15 spacing, but you can experiment until you find a font that you can read easily.

i hope some of this is useful, like i said, not really my area of expertise but i really hope you can enjoy the novel! it's really good and i think you'll have a lot of fun reading it if you enjoyed the webcomic as it is!

#hey i got an ask #Anonymous

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hausofmamadas · 2 years ago

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OKAYOKAYOKAY firstoff, we gotta get this out the way. So iiiiiii have a *coughs* complicated? relationship with Steve Murphy sksk I don't hate him, but he frustrates me and it's no secret that I love to roast him prob more than anyone else in the Narcos/Nmx universe. He's just sooooo... such a.... he's just so- god how do I get this out.... fuck I'll just come right out: this man is Beyond White. And it's not even just White, it's a specific brand of American White, I can't help but not take him seriouslyskdfjsls. Like, Steve Murphy is Wonderbread White. And I know that Steve isn't the focus of this fic, but I have to say this now bc it's one of my favorite aspects of fanfic, specifically reading multiple fics by the same writer.

There's this thing I've noticed as a reader where a writer has clearly given serious thought to, and put a lot of care into writing a character that's not my? fav? but one theyhold dear. And bc it's a fav of theirs I use fav loosely bc my fav is a fuckinskdffj assassin the character is so well-crafted that it actually manages to convert me into kinda? A Believer? When I say well-crafted, I don't mean likeable or idealistic to the point of being ooc but there are qualities that writers pick up on that are there but I don't notice bc I haven't reaaaally been paying attention, right. Imean idek this makes sense but what tf I'm trying to say is you know Steve Murphy. You know this man.Andthis fic is one such example of that exact thing. Bc that was my first immediate thought upon reading:

"Yeah well, things are- " Javier paused his sentence to think about what to say, how to describe what you were getting into.

"A shitshow." Steve interrupted him to finish the thought.

Mentally, you noted that Steve was the more honest one, not to get flustered by the presence of a woman ... you respected it.

Like a) it's true, and b) I also respect it ngl something I never thought I'd be caught dead saying about Steve tbh sksk he has always been the more honest of the two. Less likely to couch bad news in some political doublespeak, unlike Javi.

Ditto for, "Now we should give you a heads up ... Colonel Carrillo can be ... He can be a bit of a dick." But lest I get carried away enjoying Steve too much skfjlsk Reader corrects the record, ... you now realized that what Murphy meant in the car was, Carrillo was a dick to him. And I was back to my usual howwwlingslkdj at his expense so hard I tipped my own chair back. Also, Reader's multiple Thought-Roasts of Javi are too many to quote and as much as I would love to do a full reblog scream like I normally do, I don't have timeslkdjflk but I was grinning like a loon and nodding vigorously bc correct. Javi is an absurd little man SKSKJ

Okay, onto the subject of the actual fuckin fic sldfkjslkdjf;a another reason that first exchange jumped out is bc I was also celebrating the fact that these were details Reader paid attention to bc you know I"m a sucker for competence porn lbr bc something I realized about myself as a non-capital-R, reader, is I love when I get more invested in the Reader character than the characters I started reading teh fic for in the first place??????? And you did that so fucking just masterfully here. And you consistently do taht it's truly got me marveling at the skill just full *takes out tiny detective notepad and impossible microscopic reading glasses* scribbling notes furiously, laerning so much TECHNIQUE BABYYYYYYYYY

And I've just babbled on about all of that and havne't even gotten to, the expectedly but I still resent it, devastating the Carrillo Of It Allskskskskskskks particularly when you slapped me with this, You spoke his name with such pleading, not just because you knew it'd get him to answer but because you truly missed saying his name in that way. I MEAAAANNNNSDLKFJA;LSDKJF;ALSJKDF; YOU REAL TRYNA KILL ME WIT THIS??????? THE WAY READER JUST KNOWS HIM, KNOWS THAT'LL GET AN HONEST ANSWER BC THE MAN IS LEGIT A JELLY FILLED DONUT WHEN IT COMES TO ANY OBJECT OF AFFECTION/LOVE INTEREST, WEJUST KNOW HE IS, ugh and the "If I had to lose you to someone I'm glad it was her" to seal my fate as fresh, worm-chow for the earth bc you've driven me to an early grave even though I did exactlyfuckingnothing to desrve this but love too much whatever, I'm fine, I feel fine actually y'know can you be fine, if you've never..? been fine before? like in your mind? asking for a friend ofc

For Old Time's Sake

Horacio Carrillo x F!Reader Steve Murphy & Javier Peña & F!Reader For the @narcosfandomdiscord October Prompts. Day 1 - Day of Firsts: Create a fanwork about a canon character you’ve never written about/used before. Summary: Your first day in Colombia on the Escobar case and you end up running into an old flame. A little reimagined moment of Steve's first day in Colombia if you will! Word Count: 3.5k Warnings: All my fics are 18+, regardless of content. Angsty. Javi being kinda lowkey jerky. A/N: Okay so this is my first time writing Carrillo and I feel like its wildly out of character/his voice/etc but we're out here TRYING okay. So excited for these prompts and hope to write for a good chunk on this list!

Taglist: @drabbles-mc @justreblogginfics @narcolini

Your plane landed in the early morning hours, it was still dark out as you exited. Luckily there was no waiting on baggage or making your way through the crowd. When the DEA sent you out, they pulled out all the stops. It helped that you were top of your game at work, putting in the extra hours, sacrificing your social life. It basically meant you were eating, sleeping, and dreaming of work 24/7 but it brought you up as the highest agent in your division and because of that, it earned you the Escobar case. That and well, you had pretty well knowledge of Colombia since you spent your college years abroad there.

This was the last of the luxury you’d experience from the DEA office in the states, however, and you knew that so you soaked up every ounce of it before you were now exiting the private plane, making your way down to the Ford that was waiting to take you to your accommodations.

“Hola, senorita.” Someone in a suit greeted you and held the backdoor open for you.

You smiled and placed your bags in the back, you knew that wasn’t what they were holding the door for, but you weren’t going to continue the special treatment. Quickly after dropping your bags, you moved to the passenger seat and waited for the driver to join you. After a few beats of silence they mentioned they would be taking you to your apartment so you could get settled but you disagreed and made them take you to the embassy.

There it was, the habit that got you in this position, all work, no play.

As you rolled into the embassy, you flashed your badge and quickly made your way in, stepping out as the car was still moving.

“Muchas gracias.” You nodded to your driver who was panicking to brake.

Two men in tan suits waited for you as you approached with your bags.

“Peña and Murphy?” You stood staring at the two of them as they sized you up.

“Yep.” Javier extended his hand out to shake yours. “Javier–Javi.”

That was followed by the same gesture from Steve.

“They were supposed to bring you to drop your bags off first.” Javi started to complain as he began walking inside the building.

“I told them to bring me here, I can drop my bags off whenever I go home. Wanted to meet the team and get briefed as soon as possible.” You spoke up, quick to keep up with both of the men who were holding the door open for you.

As you entered the building you took in everything, making mental notes of every detail you thought would be important. The sign that listed each floor, where the bathrooms were, where each emergency exit was located. It almost made you miss the look Steve and Javi gave each other after you explained your eagerness to work.

“I got myself familiar with all the notes on the plane but, I figured first hand accounts would be better. I know better than to believe everything that’s in the paperwork.” You spoke as you entered the elevator.

“Yea well, things are–” Javier paused his sentence to think about what to say, how to describe what you were getting into.

“A shitshow.” Steve interrupted him to finish the thought.

Mentally you noted that Steve was the more honest one, not one to get flustered by the presence of a woman. He was likely married, or in some serious commitment, and whether that was with a woman or his job you respected it. You nodded with a smile, answering him briefly with a some response about how it isn't always with the DEA or something of that nature before your eyes moved back over to Javier to get a read on him.

Before you could nail down a thought, the elevator doors were opening and the group of you were moving fast.

“Weaver and Wisnicki, meet our new DEA special agent.” Javier introduced you by name.

You were quick to let go of your bags and reach over to shake hands and correct the title he gave you. “Supervising Special Agent.”

Steve let out a chuckle before continuing the greeting. “Javi what is it you called these guys? R.I.P? Retired in place?”

You let out a chuckle, you weren’t going to shit on what these two did, you weren’t here for that and with the amount of time you spent at work, you needed to make friends where possible.

“Hey, we all earn it.” You lifted your hands up in an act of innocence. “It was nice meeting you two.”

As the group of you moved through the different sections of the floor you got introduced to other agents, the Mil group, and the ambassador. Each group introduction went well. By the end of your journey, Javier was suggesting you leave your bags at his desk before they drove you in to meet the Search Bloc, seeing as you were about to go on an intel mission with them in the next 5 hours.

“Now we should give you a heads up.” Steve spoke up as the car you were in pulled into Carlos Holguin School. “Colonel Carrillo can be–”

“Walking up right now.” Javier interrupted as he put the car in park and exited the vehicle.

Steve was quick to look up and see that the Colonel wasn’t walking up, it was just his men approaching to escort the lot of you in.

“No he’s not!” Murphy yelled before turning to you in the back seat. “He can be a bit of dick. Apparently a common trait around here.” His eyes went back to Peña before he was exiting the passenger door himself.

You smiled to yourself at that. It was enjoyable to you to see the back and forth between the two men.

The silence overcame the group of you as you were brought to an office door, the plaque on the outside reading Colonel Carrillo was a little outdated in style, meant he had a few years on his belt.

As the door was opened by one of the search bloc soldiers, Javi began speaking.

“Buenos días, Colonel.”

The minute a voice responded, you felt your gut flinch, if that was even possible, before it sunk. Your head was whipping up to look at the major, taking in his green uniform, the badge on his chest, and finally, his face.

Javier and him were mumbling to each other as they shook hands, leaving you to take in who it was in front of you right now.

It wasn’t so much nerves you were feeling, you would have described it more as shock. Which, shock felt a lot similar to a panic attack. The noise in your ears got fuzzy, there was a slight buzzing in the background and your face went blank.

“You alright?” Steve cut through the fuzziness in your ears, luckily and brought you back to reality.

“Yea sorry, just fucked up from the time difference and the flight.” You shook your head and masked the shock you were feeling.

“I want you to meet our new DEA supervising special agent.” Javi spoke up, calling the attention to you now.

His eyes met yours, and the smile that slightly curved on his face tipped you off that he recognized you immediately. You saw his mouth move slightly open and before Javi or him could say your name you were quick to cut them both off by speaking it outloud and move towards them, extending your arm to greet the man.

If that wasn’t enough to get the point across to the Colonel, your next words would have been.

“Mucho gusto.” You smiled and prayed he didn’t say or do anything that would give away your connection.

“Mucho gusto.” He spoke back to you with a frown.

“We’re gonna move out and get intel in about an hour.” Steve spoke up from the back.

“Murphy.” Carrillo spoke up, his face hardening as he stared at the man.

With the context you had just gotten from Steve, you now realized that what Murphy meant in the car was, Carrillo was a dick to him. If you weren’t in the middle of this clusterfuck of a situation, you would have smiled, maybe even chuckled a bit but your mind was still trying to wrap itself around what was happening.

“We’ll get out of your hair, just wanted to introduce you to the fresh meat.” Javi smiled at you.

“Wait.” Carrillo spoke up and your gut did that flinching thing again. “I’d love to know more about what this means for your team, Peña.”

You heard Javi start to make a noise, it was something adjacent to stuttering. His way of not wanting to devalue himself or shit on you while you were in the room.

“My title doesn’t really pull weight, it’s just for the paperwork. I’m basically going to be working closely with Peña and Murphy on intel and raids. Only difference is my signature gets added to the documents.” You spoke up, looking back at the men behind you as you spoke.

“Have you gotten a tour of Medellin yet, special agent?”

He was teasing you. When you met him in Colombia all those years ago, that was exactly what he did. Give you a tour. He showed you the plaza, the museums, the best restaurants you never would have found otherwise. And again, in any other circumstance you would have been amused, but mortified was more the right word to describe your emotions at the moment. The comment was more obvious to you than anyone else in the room. It helped that Steve and Javi were oblivious to everything that wasn’t Escobar related so they weren’t exactly picking up on what was happening.

“She flew in this morning, her bags are back at the embassy at my desk, she didn’t even get settled before jumping on the case.” Javi spoke up.

“I’ll have it arranged that your bags are picked up and brought here.” Carrillo wasn’t even looking at any of you anymore. He was rummaging through paperwork at his desk.

When no one responded he looked up to be met with confused looks. His eyes jumped from Steve to Javi to you. “Paperwork, after the intel trip. Going to need your signatures.”

“Right.” You said it was obvious the entire time.

“Alright, I’ll make the arrangements and meet you all at 1300.” He went back to looking at his paperwork, ignoring all 3 of you.

It took you a couple seconds to make your feet move but eventually you were able to and out of his office. Steve was now leading the way to where you would meet a few more of the Search Bloc crew and gather up gear for the trip you were about to take.

Luckily, the intel mission wasn’t awkward at all. Carrillo put his professional foot forward, as did you and as you all waited in the room for all the Narcos to show up there was no more tense or nervousness in the air. He clearly picked up on you not wanting to out any of your past personal life to Steve and Javier and quite honestly, he understood that. Having more time to think on it and not being thrown for a loop in the moment, he felt relieved about it too. These were not exactly the typical running into your ex conditions, this was work, this was catching a drug cartel and their leaders, this needed to be as far away from personal as possible.

That was what both of you told yourselves. It was what you told yourself on the way back, while you sat next to each other in the car, when Javi leaned forward to tell you that the restaurant coming up had the best arepas de choclo. You knew that, because that was where you and Horacio would go when you were craving late night foods. And it was what you told yourself now, as you all pulled back up to the Carlos Holguin School and the awkwardness came back over you.

“I had one of my men take your bags to where you’re staying.” Carrillo said as the group of you gathered together on the dirt lot.

“We would have taken them back, her place is on the first level where me and Steve stay.” Javi spoke up, his hands resting on his hips.

“One last thing we gotta lug back home from the embassy.” Steve shrugged as he leaned over to shake Carrillo’s hand in an effort to say goodbye.

“Wasn’t a big deal, I have a few men working at the embassy, keeps communication smooth.” Carrillo wasn’t in the mood to argue with Javi on this so he was quick to turn to you. “You ready to get started on this paperwork?”

“Yea, I’ll meet you in your office, let me just debrief with my guys.” You spoke confidently, anything to throw both of them off.

All Carrillo did was nod and make his way back to his office. You turned to Steve and Javi, your face solid and serious.

“We’ll take care of following up on the intel.” Javi spoke up now, like he was in charge.

“I’ll give you a call on what the next move is.” Steve was cutting Javi off, staring at him with a frown before moving his eyes on to you.

You nodded once, then turned to Javi. “Call me fresh meat one more time and I’ll be sure you’re riding desk for the rest of this case and you’ll be the one staying late to run through paperwork.”

It was harsh, but true. You were new, but you weren’t stupid. Regardless of anything, you pulled rank over these two, whether it truly mattered or not. There was no room for disrespect.

“See you two in the morning.” You offered them a goodbye and made your way over to the main entrance. Steve’s laugh could have been heard from even inside the building, it was obvious he was making fun of Javi, of what you just said. It was good, set the tone amongst them.

The walk down the hallway was long, your head was filling with tons of thoughts, of memories, your heart was beating so fast it was a surprise it wasn’t coming out of your chest. As your hand rested on the doorknob of Carrillo’s office, you took a beat, a moment to take a deep breath and exhale it out as the door opened.

Carrillo was sitting at his desk, his green button up shirt that houses his name patch and badge was hung on a coat rack in the corner, he was at his desk with just his tan t shirt on, the only light illuminating the room was the outdoor lights from the windows behind him and the desk lamp that was showing the frown on his face as he shuffled through things on his desk.

“Thanks for going along with it.” You spoke up, alerting him of your presence. The immediate thought you had was why you were starting the conversation with that. There were a million other things you could have said.

His head shot up, he clearly had not heard you open the door or your heart practically thumping out of your chest.

“It’s no problem.” He answered you. “I hope you set Peña straight.” He was standing up now, moving his hand to the chair across his desk offering for you to sit.

“Set straight?” You were confused, as you made your way to sit down.

“Fresh meat.” He said as he sat back down himself.

“Oh, yea. That won’t be happening again.” You let out a chuckle, still fidgeting around in the seat trying to get comfortable.

“It’s probably good you thought quick, what happened with us… it’s just more fuel to the fire for him.” Carrillo was leaning on his desk, elbows resting on the stacks of documents.

“What did happen with us?” The question came out so blunt it even shocked you.

“You went back.” It was said like it was so obvious. Like those 3 words were the answer to it all.

“I sent you letters.” The vibe had definitely changed from just mere minutes ago.

Carrillo didn’t say anything, he sat there silent, his face neutral like that would be enough of an answer for you.

“It’s crazy how you can know someone for just short of a year, spend pretty much everyday with them, learn the most intimate things about them, and truly know absolutely nothing about them.”

“What are you talking about?” He was annoyed, and because of the time you spent with him, you knew it was deflection, a way to get out of the conversation, but you weren’t going to let it go that easily.

“You never told me you were an aspiring police officer.” You pointed to the badged shirt on the rack. “In fact, I’m pretty sure you told me you wanted to come to the states, study, learn about architecture, the details of the buildings that people are so quick to dismiss.” It was a pretty direct quote from a young Horacio’s mouth.

“I joined 4 months after you left. Things got bad here. After that incident where– where you got hurt. I couldn’t shake it.” He explained thinking back to one of the last memories of you here with him. It wasn’t one either of you liked to remember, you had a permanent scar on you to remind you of it more frequently, but in Carrillo’s case it looked like he had a career profession to keep the memory alive.

“Why did you ignore my letters?” Your voice softened now as you came to the realization that maybe you could actually come to some closure tonight.

“We should probably start on this paperwork, make everything ready for your team to move forward tomorrow.” He was taking a stack of blank documents and handing it over to you.

“Why did you ignore my letters, Horacio.” You spoke his name with such pleading, not just because you knew it’d get him to answer but because you truly missed saying his name in that way.

“It was too much.” He couldn’t bear to look at you as he spoke. “Loving you and giving my all to training, to the big picture, to Colombia.”

There it was. The most truthful thing he might have ever said to you. You knew he loved you but deep down, you always knew he loved his country. The two of you fell in love as he showed you the sights, it was written in your story for it to come down to this.

“If I had to lose you to someone I’m glad it was to her.” You managed to make a joke, just being happy that he had been honest with you.

He smiled at that too. Now that things were a little more settled, a little less awkward, you began rummaging through the papers, filling out reports and findings, signing pre-typed notes for approvals and compliance. About 20 minutes went by when Carrillo was clearing his throat to get your attention.

“I’m glad you’re here to fight this fight with me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The firmness in your voice came back over you, your eyes glaring at him.

He got flustered a bit, neither of you having been in a situation where flirting, romance and charm weren’t the leading tones of your conversations.

“I just came here for the best arepas de choclo in Colombia.” A smile grew on your face and his was soon to follow.

He was quick to stand up and grab his jacket, which was hanging next to his badged work shirt and place it on.

“Well I guess I better not disappoint.” He was nodding towards the door. “For old times sake? I believe that’s what they say back where you’re from.”

You stood up and grabbed your own jacket from the back of the chair and made your way to stand in front of him, dangerously close to him, you could feel the slight breeze of his breath on you as he waited for some verbal response from you. For old time’s sake, if that was the excuse he needed to justify going to get food with you, you’d take it. To be honest if that was the excuse he needed to do anything with you, you’d allow it. Little to your knowledge, but those 4 words would end up being all the invitation either of you needed to revisit old times in the next five months, whether it was your favorite restaurant, your apartment, his house, even a couple times in his office.

So you stared up at him, at the eyes of the man you had fallen in love with all those years ago, and despite them looking a little more dark and unruly now, you smiled and opened your mouth to speak.

“For old time’s sake.”

#screamblog #the way i spent 30 mins writing a master's thesis on Steve Fucking Murphy even tho the fic wasn't even about him aslkdfjslkdjf #there's more where that's coming from tho bc most of your narcoctober fics feature him #so you can expect more confusion on my part for liking and sympathizing with someone I tend to find to be A Ridiculous Person #also is it weird if I say Reader reminded me a lot of Messina #like would not be surprised in the slightest if Messina's internal dialogue went something like this #minus the Carrillo feels .... unless someone were to write that KEKW #I mean idk if I'm the one to do it but I'm sayin'#your skill trulyskdjskdj #narcoctober #carrillo x reader #day 1 #day of firsts #narcosfandomdiscord #horacio carrillo #narcos #narcos fanfic

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ravensmadreads · 2 years ago

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Youre giving me life rn the tags are so funny. Thank you!

Shut up your fic has me in a chokehold???? It's so funny and soft and hot and amazing and I can totally see future heartbreak but I'm still gonna finish it and okay im gonna shut up now

IT'S KILLING ME

P.S Anita Moreno is a badass and I love her.

#gonna be suing you for damages cause that fic is ruining me #i speed read all those chapters in one sitting #and they're chonky bois so you KNOW i put my time in #marcus moreno got me into the pedro fandom ok #(it was him and javier pena they dragged me in kicking and screaming and then max phillips just swallowed the damn key)#anyway i have adhd so imma be doing random attacks on your masterlist while i avoid real life #also i make no apologies for the tags they're chaotic and unhinged and that's just who i am as a person #think of the pandas has been bouncing in my head for 24 hours i hope you're happy #and the current thing?! do not EVEN-#it's my niece's fav movie when she comes over i can't watch it with her ever again ARE YOU HAPPY #you better be cause that fic caused serious mental damage #(iloveit)#raven is a 🤡#shut up raven #raven answers #raven makes.... a friend?#raven rambles #p.p.s y'all gotta stop thanking me fr #you're the one writing such amazing stuff and sharing it thank YOU #thank YOU op that fic is giving me LIFE #my life is shit rn (all due to myself) and this is the only comfort i have so thank you thank you thank you #lemme kiss your face

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amhrosina · 2 years ago

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Feelings are Fatal (Javier Peña x f!Reader)

MASTERLIST // JOIN MY TAGLIST

A/N: omg whatttttt amhrosina writing a fic about someone not in a marvel show/movie???? whatttt???? the people who know me in person (& one of my fav mutuals) knew this was coming. what can I say? it’s pedro fucking pascal and i've been in love with him since GOT lol enjoy this angst fest!

request: rosi i noticed that you added pedro pascal to your writing list so im requesting a fic with javi comforting dea reader after a family member/friend dies. soft javi, maybe reader is drinking and theres an established but secret relationship. feel free not to write it if you dont like it but i saw your authors note about pedro and figured i would ask

Summary: Javi comforts reader after she gets terrible news and is forced to confront the depth of his feelings for her. Steve confronts Javi about his secret relationship.

(Warnings: angst, mentions of death, grief, minor injuries, alcohol, Javi is a grump but is a soft!boy w reader, cursing, lots of cigarettes lol, feelings are hard for javi)

The second you heard the receiver click on the other end of the line, the bulky phone slipped from your hand and tumbled to the floor. The booming crack of the plastic smacking the tile, followed by the trinkle of the pieces cascading across the floor, were the only sounds you could hear in the bullpen. You tried to find something to focus on, eyes glazing over as your heartbeat pounded in your ears. You scanned the area around you, skipping over Murphy’s concerned gaze and landing on Javi’s empty chair.

Mierda. (Shit.) He was still chasing a lead in Cali, and he wasn’t supposed to be home until early tomorrow morning. It’s not like he would be able to do anything for you right now anyways, considering you were surrounded by people who would out your relationship in half a second if it meant their career might be boosted because of it, but his reassuring presence was something you sorely needed at the moment.

Your chest tightened as you processed what your dad had just murmured through the phone. You had been sitting when you answered the phone, but at some point, you must’ve stood, because you were currently white knuckling the back of your chair.

Murphy rolled his chair into your eyeline, waving his hands in the air. Everything around you sounded muffled, almost like you were under water, and you couldn’t focus on anything for longer than a few seconds. You ran through the tricks you knew off the top of your head to stave off a panic attack. You tried to take a deep breath, you counted the tiles on the floor, hell, you even tried to find five things you could see, but the rapidly rising pace of your heartbeat, and the shallow breaths you could barely manage told you your panic attack was in full swing already.

A gentle presence on your wrist sent a shock through you so prevalent that you snapped to attention and the world suddenly got very loud. Murphy was standing in front of you with wide eyes, murmuring your name, while the lucky few agents that happened to be in the bullpen when your phone rang stood a few feet back, observing you with keen interest. You weren’t stupid enough to believe they cared about your wellbeing. Nosy fuckers.

Your hands clenched into fists, shaking slightly. The indent of your nails pressing into your palm was a steady ache, one that you absolutely needed if you were going to walk out of the office without incident. And you knew that was where you needed to go. Away from here, away from the DEA’s bullshit bureaucracy, away from Pablo Escobar and his sicarios. You stumbled away from Murphy, turning on your heels when you reached the lip of the bottom stair. You would explain everything to everyone later, when you could think again. ‘If you still have a job later, pendeja (asshole/idiot),’ you thought miserably.

You barely remember jumping into your front seat, nor starting the car, nor pulling out of the police headquarters lot. You had a vague awareness that you arrived home when you unlocked your front door, but you were stuck in autopilot, and couldn’t bear to think about why you were stuck in autopilot.

You eyed the bottle of liquor Javi had left in your kitchen the last time he was here and sighed. Yes, you thought, that’s perfect.

Javi was driving like a maniac, and he didn’t give two shits about it. When Steve had called earlier, he hadn’t been able to give any details about their partner’s bizarre behavior, other than her hasty departure from DEA headquarters after a strange phone call. Steve was puzzled, but otherwise not too concerned about her. Javi, on the other hand, had carefully untangled himself from his business in Cali and hopped on the next available and inconspicuous flight home he could manage.

He could feel in his gut that something was wrong, and he couldn’t leave his girl hanging, job or no job. He wasn’t any closer to capturing Escobar anyways and had already determined that his trip to Cali was a colossal waste of time and resources before Steve had called him.

He’d been pulled away from DEA headquarters for long enough, and this was the perfect excuse for him to high tail it out of Cali and come home. He was tired, and he missed his conejita (bunny – term of endearment), and even though he’d never admit it, he missed Murphy’s early morning grumblings too.

He peeled into the nearest parking spot he could find to the apartment building and hurdled himself out of the driver’s seat. When he entered the building, he eyed the door at the top of the stairs. Dark – either Murphy was still at the office, asleep, or sitting in his apartment in complete darkness. His apartment was also dark, but a soft glow emitted from under his conejita’s door, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

He considered using the key she had given him for emergencies. Did this count as an emergency? He sure thought so, but he didn’t want to startle her, so he knocked on the door with anxious trepidation. He waited, straining to listen through the door for any sign of life inside the apartment. There was nothing, and then there was the loud crash of something glass hitting the floor, and Javi was through the door before she could let out a yelp.

She was on her hands and knees, hunched on the floor by her couch. Broken glass was all over the floor around her, though Javi couldn’t tell what she’d broken. He was more concerned for her palms and kneecaps, all of which were being pushed into the broken glass shards with little resistance on her end. He rushed to her side, lifting her off of the glass and into his arms.

“Javi?” She slurred, raising her chin in a defiant gesture.

“Cariño (honey), what happened?” He noted the way she slurred her words and the fact that her cheeks were tinted pink. “Have you been drinking?”

“Have you been drinking, Agent Grumpy?” She pouted, trying to mimic the way Javi’s lips would poke out when he was upset about something.

Clearly, she’d been drinking, but Javi couldn’t figure out what might’ve spurred this behavior. Out of him, Murphy, and her, she was the most levelheaded of the trio, and the least likely to drown her sorrows in a bottle of liquor. Dread coiled in his gut. Something awful must’ve gone down while he was gone, and he couldn’t help but feel like the idiot that couldn’t keep up.

“Baby,” he murmured, carefully navigating through the millions of tiny glass shards all over her living room floor, “¿Que paso (what happened)?”

“I dropped the bottle.” She breathed, clutching onto his shirt with her bloody hands. He didn’t care. He’d use a hundred of his shirts to stop her bleeding. He carefully set her down in a kitchen chair, untangling his limbs from hers. She seemed more alert now, more awake than when he’d busted through the door moments before. The cuts on her hands and knees were probably to blame for that, but Javi couldn’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. First, he had to find a first aid kit.

Every agent was trained in basic first aid, and if they felt like being kiss-asses, they could take classes to get certified in trauma response. Javi hadn’t felt like being a kiss-ass, but he knew he way around a first aid kit. As he poked around her kitchen and bathroom cabinets, he stuck his head in the hallway every few seconds, checking on her. She was waiting patiently at the kitchen table where he’d left her, but she’d adopted a look that could only be described as “far away”, and his concern was growing by the minute.

Javi couldn’t figure it out. When they’d talked on the phone this morning, she was fine, chipper even. She was excited that he’d be home soon, and he had promised that he’d make up for the nights they’d lost while he was working in Cali. When her voice had dropped to a whisper, and she revealed that Murphy had just walked into the bullpen thirty minutes early, his breath had hitched in his throat as he almost let the words “I love you” slip from between his lips.

Javi wasn’t inexperienced with women, but he was sure that she was the only woman in the world that could get him that tongue tied. When the receiver clicked, indicating that she'd hung up, Javi had spent entirely too long staring at the phone in his hands, listening to the dial tone drone on and on as he searched his brain for wherever the hell that had come from.

But that couldn’t be what was bothering her. Steve had mentioned a phone call, but she’d hung up the phone with him before 8am, and she didn’t start acting weird until almost ten hours later. There had to be someone, something bothering her, and Javi’s chest ached with rage about it. The only person allowed to bother her was him, and he took that job very seriously.

“Bebé (Baby),” he sighed, propping the medical kit open on the kitchen table, “Will you tell me what’s going on?”

She swallowed thickly, sighing as he pulled up a chair in front of her. He gently lifted her hands to the light so he could see the cuts. They were shallow, but hands always bled a lot, so both of her palms were stained a deep crimson. She watched him as he began to remove pieces of glass from the cuts, and he waited patiently for her to explain herself. He’d wait for as long as she needed him to.

The stinging sensation hadn’t left your trembling hands, but you wanted to be tough in front of Javi, so you watched quietly as he wrapped your hands in thick gauze. He’d lit a cigarette two minutes ago, puffing smoke in the air at regular intervals as he worked. When he finally moved on to your knees, which had stopped bleeding ten minutes ago, you tried to figure out exactly what to say to him.

It wasn’t every day that your significant other’s mom suddenly and inexplicably dies during an evening nap, leaving everyone, especially your significant other, baffled and choked by her loss. His mom had quietly passed away earlier the year before, and he was only gone for two days before returning to Colombia. He hadn’t broached the topic since then, and you weren’t as comfortable with him then as you were now. You could confidently say that you had no idea how this was going to go.

You took a breath, and before you could talk yourself out of it, mumbled the same words your dad had spoken hours before, causing your world to crumble around you.

“Mi mamá está muerta. (My mom is dead.)”

Javi sucked in a breath, lifting his gaze towards yours with a pitiful expression. Tears welled in your eyes, and for the first time since you’d heard the horrible news, you allowed yourself to cry. Javi dropped the gauze on the table and wrapped his muscular arms around your neck, pulling you into his chest.

“Oh, Cariño,” he cooed, kissing your hair as you sobbed into his shirt, “Lo siento, bebé. (I’m sorry, baby.)”

His shirt was sure to be irreparably stained now that your blood and tears were soaked into it, but he didn’t seem to mind. He stroked your back, kissed your head, and held you close while you cried and cried into his chest. He’d never seen you so vulnerable before, and a rush of fear shot through you at the thought of him scaring away because of that, but every time you tried to push away from him, he’d tighten his hold on you and urge you to let it out.

When you finally got a handle on your sobs, Javi pulled back, searching your expression for any further breakage. He’d weather it, this awful storm, for as long as you needed him to. You knew that, and even still, when he began to put the pieces of you back together again, your heart melted at the thought of him.

Javier Peña was not the guy that women came crying to in the middle of the night. He was the guy you picked up for the one-night stand, the one you’d talk about for years afterwards, the one you’d think about as ‘the one that got away’ until you were too old to remember his name and where he came from. That was Javier Peña, and yet, he was in your kitchen, cleaning up your wounds, healing the part of you that was inexplicably broken. If only Murphy could see you guys now.

“Cuando es el funeral? (When is the funeral?)” He asked, blotting at the scabs on your knees.

“Next weekend.” You murmured, wincing as he taped gauze over a particularly deep cut.

“When mi mamá died,” he started, and you stopped breathing, unwilling to be the one to fuck this conversation up before it even started, “I didn’t let myself mourn the way I should have. I tried to sweep it under the rug, ‘ya know?”

You nodded, remembering the weeks after his return from Texas. He had thrown himself into his work, which made yours and Murphy’s lives a little easier for a while, though neither of you preferred it that way.

“Let yourself mourn, Cariño. It’s my biggest regret.”

“Okay.” You nodded, though you weren’t sure exactly what he meant by that. You spoke before you could stop yourself. “You can still mourn her. There’s not a time limit on grief.”

It sort of felt like the air was sucked out of the room. You’d never said something so bold to Javi, especially not about his personal life. You were five seconds away from blaming your brashness on the alcohol you’d consumed, even though you’d sobered up fairly quickly once he’d arrived, when he nodded.

“That’s true, Cariño.”

You blinked. You must really look like shit if Javi wasn’t actively building walls around himself. Sure, he’d opened up a little throughout the relationship, but he was still working on being vulnerable with you, and he had a lot of work left to do. You knew he was plagued by nightmares – you were too, and who, working this job, wouldn’t be? – but he wouldn’t talk about them with anyone. Instead, he’d pull you closer, kiss you harder, and make you forget why he’d woken in the first place. It was a coping mechanism that both of you recognized as ‘not actually coping’ but neither of you had the resources or the energy to work through that trauma. At least, not yet.

He lit another cigarette, and you watched him breathe in the smoke deeply. He lifted it toward you, and you eagerly parted your lips, taking a much needed drag. Before Colombia, before Javi, you hadn’t touched a cigarette in your life. After being assigned to team Murphy-Peña, you felt like you had a perpetual cloud of smoke hovering over you at all times.

Javi brushed his hands together and threw the remaining unused gauze back in the first aid kit. He gently pulled you from your seat, and the slight movement sent a sting through your legs. You were already regretting the alcohol and your hangover hadn’t even started yet.

“Let’s sleep at my place tonight, Cariño. We’ll clean this up tomorrow.”

You nodded, teary eyed again. You didn’t want to think about tomorrow, or next week, or any time in the future that didn’t include your mom. If Javi noticed your tears, he didn’t say anything about them, and you were grateful for his wherewithal. He always knew exactly how to handle you, and that was part of the reason you’d fallen in love with him.

Love. You blanched. Nope. Not thinking about that right now.

You shrugged the thought away as Javi lifted you bridal style in his arms. Javier Peña didn’t fall in love, and you certainly weren’t going to be the woman to challenge that.

Bonus Scene: Steve confronting Javi about his secret relationship with you.

“Are you fucking stupid? You’ve got to be, to pull this bullshit.”

Javi watched Steve pace across his living room. Again. He’d been walking a hole in the rug for half an hour, and Javi wasn’t sure Steve would be stopping his rant anytime soon.

Technically, Javi deserved this. Everything Steve was saying was true. He was jeopardizing not only his career, but hers too. The integrity of the investigation against Escobar would be questioned if word got out that two of the three agents assigned to his case were fucking each other. Not to mention how quickly procedure would be thrown out the window if either of them were in danger. There’s a reason why those rules existed.

But like most things, it wasn’t that simple. Javi hadn’t been able to offer an excuse for when Steve caught him carrying her into his apartment, taped to high hell with gauze and tipsy as all get out. He’d simply shrugged, unlocked the door, and carried her through the frame without a second glance.

Now, Steve wasn’t stupid, but he chalked up that incident to her being overwhelmed with grief. What friend wouldn’t offer their couch up to their drunk, mourning partner when she needed it? What he didn’t know was how often she slept at Javi’s already. She even had a toothbrush in his bathroom and a stack of books piled on one of the nightstands in his bedroom.

Steve’s suspicions might’ve grown a little the weekend that she went home to Oceanside for her mother’s funeral. Weekends meant little to the DEA agents working Escobar’s case – every day was another day they could possibly learn information that may or may not give them someone who might know something about Escobar, or not – but Javi was especially fidgety the two days she was off on leave.

Steve finally demanded to know what the hell was bothering Javi when he caught him staring at her empty seat for the third time in an hour. Javi brushed it off, claiming he hadn’t been sleeping well, but Steve wasn’t so easily persuaded to look the other way again.

The final straw, the one that prompted the yelling and the insults and the pacing, made Javi’s relationship with her so obvious that there wasn’t a chance in hell he could talk his way out of it. Steve, being the hero best buddy that he was, had heard an alarming thump from Javi’s apartment, and taken it upon himself to investigate. What he hadn’t been expecting to find was his two partners, tangled in each other’s limbs, going at it on the kitchen counter like rabbits.

Hence, the yelling.

“I mean, seriously Javi? You could fuck any woman in the world, and you chose the one woman that’s off limits!”

“Listen, man. I-”

Javi tried again to interrupt Steve’s rant, to explain himself and what he felt for her. Steve was missing the bigger picture. Javi wasn’t just fucking her, he loved her. He couldn’t figure out if that would make Steve more or less angry about it.

“You what, man? You what?!” Steve threw his hands in the air, beckoning an excuse that might help him understand why his partners would be such idiots.

Javi struggled to translate his feelings into words. He hadn’t even told her yet exactly how he felt and saying it now felt weirdly similar to a trial run. He searched his head for the right words to describe what she was to him.

“I’ve been sleeping.” Javi rested his hands on his hips and sighed, eyes flickering across the ceiling as he realized how incredibly stupid that sounded outside of his brain. “I know I love her, because I can sleep after I’ve talked to her.”

Steve studied Javi, searching for any signs of deception. He narrowed his eyes when he couldn’t find any.

“What do you mean you ‘love’ her?”

“I mean, I fucking love her, man. I don’t know what you want me to say.” Javi was growing restless, tugging at the neckline of his button-down shirt. Conversations like these always made him antsy, and he could feel the temperature in his cheeks rising.

“You.” Steve cocked a grin, “Javier Peña. In love? I’m not buying it man.”

“Well, I’m not going to try and convince you.” It was Javi’s turn to throw his hands in the air in distress. He lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply.

“You actually care about her?” Steve’s expression morphed from disbelief to genuine shock. Javi wished he could take a picture to savor the moment.

“Are you going to say anything to anyone?”

Javi would normally never be so obvious about his fears, but he was thinking about her, back in her apartment, probably walking a hole into her rug as she waited for Steve and Javi to hash their shit out. The look on her face when Steve started yelling was enough to make Javi panic, and he was not above begging if it meant keeping her out of trouble.

“Nah, man.” Steve shook his head, plopping down on Javi’s couch. Javi sagged with relief. “Just don’t make it so obvious. I was suspicious before I walked in on you two.”

“Yeah, man.” Javi took another drag of his cigarette.

“Have you told her?”

“Told her what?” Javi couldn’t keep the bite from his tone.

“That you love her.”

Javi envied the ease that Steve managed when he talked about love. Before she’d been transferred to Colombia, Javi had never, in his life, been able to understand why anyone would choose to fall in love. He recognized the signs of it from the years of watching his parents interact, but he’d never experienced it before. When Steve talked about Connie, whether it was a complaint or not, there was always an underlying tone of love in his words. When she showed up, everything Javi had ever thought about love was scrambled, and it terrified him.

“No.” He blew out a slow trail of smoke.

Steve nodded slowly in understanding. If anyone in the world could comprehend Javi’s mindset right now, it was the guy he’d spent hours and hours with every day for years.

“Maybe you should.”

“Yeah, maybe I should.”

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