#javier is my fav to write i think

[whoyacallinyellow]

Could you do an alternative version of borrowed time but it's a happy ending? Like they meet again maybe a couple of months or years later and idk it's super fluffy (idk I loved ur Javier fic it made me cry so hard)

Borrowed Time II (.5)

Javier Escuella x F! reader

Spoilers: RDR1-2 events Content: 18+ mdni, high honor Javier, fluff, loyalty, canon typical events & violence, possible spelling mistakes, some google translated Spanish, (slight angst? sry couldn't help myself) Type: second pov (wc - 3195) / pc: my PS5 a/n: here's my mediocre yapping, anon! I believe someone suggested this to me before, so here we are :) (btw I took some writing inspo from my spotify playlist.)

Summary: Javier is left with nothing after the gang's demise. Enticed with returning to Mexico, he finds redemption within his loyalty to you.   

After being chased out of Beaver Hollow by the law, Javier found himself alone with Williamson. Somewhere in the sticks of northern Ambarino, where the risk of a grizzly finding them was higher than any lawman. 

Laying low and listening to Bill squaller on about Dutch for a month was about all he could stomach, Javier reckoned he liked Bill a lot more when he didn’t talk. 

As each day came to a close, one could guess where Javier’s mind wandered too. His bitter thoughts permeated on losing everything. Money, the gang, and you— Hell, the man didn’t know what to do with himself, considering you an extension of himself at this point. 

Where were you? Did you make it out okay? Were you hurt?

These were a couple of the many questions that swam in the sea of Javier’s head. 

“Are you still thinkin’ ‘bout that woman?” 

Bill’s words of disgust were often displaced through his racing thoughts, but he wouldn’t be wrong. You were all Javier had upon entering these foreign lands, now he possessed nothing but the rocks in his boots. 

The days would merge and turn into weeks, it didn’t take long for the plan of fleeing south to form in Bill’s lackluster head. Keen on the protection Javier could potentially bargain in Nuevo Paraiso. 

Javier knew he was a dead man returning south, under no circumstances was that a can of worms he wanted to open with—Bill Williamson, out of all folk. 

Besides, there was no man’s bidding Javier would consider doing to get the leverage Bill desired. But Bill’s ideas soon evolved into frustrated persuasion. 

“How do’ya know that woman wasn’t the rat, anyhow?”

Bill would rant about you, the delusions Dutch fed him would resurface, but soon be swallowed back down with the same loyalty Javier once held so close.

“My chica wouldn’t, I’m telling you, cabrón. She’d save your neck just as much mine.”

Perhaps not completely true, Javier’s apathetic statements held no power over Bill, but at least it stopped his ear from being chewed off. 

For all Bill was concerned, you were a coward just as much as the rest who left. Especially for plaguing Javier’s mind. 

Bill would resort to not just questioning your loyalty to the gang, but your loyalty to Javier all together. The bold claims would make Javier think back to Clemons Point. 

After a particularly nasty fight with Dutch, Molly sat on a nearby log as he sharpened his knife. He never knew what to say in situations like that, it was probably best he stayed out of it. 

“The way she looks at you…”

The timid words escaped her. Realizing there was no one else around she could have been talking too, he met her stricken gaze which glistened off the moonlight. 

“Huh?” 

He wondered, caught off guard by the illusive topic. Molly wiped her rosy cheeks before she tenderly spoke. 

“I wish I could look at Dutch the same.” 

Javier just stared at the tear-stained woman in pity, unsure what to make of her unanticipated words. 

That night's shift would give him plenty of time to think about it. Before eventually settling on giving you some extra attention. If it wasn’t obvious enough, he soon learnt that what you two shared was irreplaceable. 

There was no doubt to Javier that you loved him, every lead he went on, you’d listen for the horses. Ready to greet him by his hitching post for a kiss, or with small talk that was exclusive to you both.  

Javier would often get teased for the love you shared, perhaps some of it branched into jealousy. Not that he minded, the others knew you were off limits. 

So it was safe to say that Bill’s claims was one thing Javier didn’t take lightly. With curses spat, and threats thrown, Bill had no other choice but to eat his words. 

“Me ‘nd her go way further back than you and I.” 

Javier’s irate words would soon remind Bill where he stood— below you. 

That was Bill Williamson’s final straw for him to realize their parting was long overdue. 

“If you wasn’t a fool, you’d be comin’ with.”

Was the last thing he spat to Javier one cloudy morning, bedroll and guns thrown on his unkempt steed. 

You won't be seeing me again. 

Javier thought in vain. Watching Bill’s departure in silence, just as he watched yours— except their time was up. 

A cruel nightly cycle would leave Javier somewhere beneath the stars. The same night sky you’d lay him down gently in; he wondered if you were looking up at them too— or maybe you don’t think of him much anymore, just to get by. 

Dozing off provided no sort of relief, the same thoughts that ate him alive during the day showed no mercy for a night's rest. 

The dreams began after Guarma, and have stuck since. Most nights he would wake up confused, drenched in sweat, and frantically reaching for his gun belt only worn hours prior. 

Your sweet voice would unknowingly soothe his hurt, all while he dismissed your attempts of rebuilding the bond you once shared. Javier regrets the distance, but he’s not sure if he would ever be ready to talk about Guarma. 

Nonetheless, the terrible dreams always persisted, but managed to worsen after you left. They were so convoluted, Javier wasn���t sure which was a worse way to die; a watery grave, or succumbing to torture in a cage. 

Other nights, Javier would dream about the day he returned to you at Beaver Hollow, god only knew how long they were gone for. 

It was a rather gloomy day, at the end of the camp path was where he found you by your lonesome, as if you’ve been waiting for any sign of the missing men. Javier had seen better days, unshaven, wounded leg, and tattered garments that barely resembled the botched heist clothing he once wore. Javier approached you with a conflicted feeling of dread and relief, unsure of what to expect of you. But to the man’s horror, you crumbled before him. 

You were just as much of a mess as he was. A terrible feeling arose from within his ribcage and drifted up, he momentarily thought he was going to black out from the knot building in his throat. An unmanageable feeling in his legs had already begun to brew throughout the day, vibrating and distorting his ears, blocking out your sobs he created. A near breaking point was threatening to consume him— he didn’t even know what day it was, how could he not know?  

“You stupid bastard,” 

Fallen at his feet, he cradled you soon after his initial shock dissipated. 

“I know, I’m here now.” 

Javier could barely recognize the hoarseness of his own voice, the words felt foreign to say after being gone for so long. Hopelessness overflowed from within him, and seeped into your frame that he held. All he could do was shield you from the cruel world he created for you both on that barren dirt path. 

Your frantic pleas to leave would go unacknowledged, only to be substituted with soft hushes that were swept away in the trees. He couldn’t have just left, he had already sacrificed too much to quit now. Javier always swore Dutch would change your lives for the better. 

—

In the recent nights of Macfarlane’s Ranch, life was still. 

Javier’s dreams would evolve into a vessel of his old possession. Through bittersweet nostalgia, a buck would galavant by a stream, only to eventually stop and stand in triumph before fleeing into the distance. Those dreams offered Javier both temporary comfort and the humbling desolate nights he needed to return to you. 

While staring off into the plains, Bill’s idea would occasionally infatuate him. The uncut ties of Mexico were beckoning, it was only a day's worth of digging in. Javier wasn’t sure he was built out for the vaquero life anymore, but those old chains around his feet would pull him back down. 

Javier would eventually decide he wouldn’t watch the west die out, with false hopes of one last score followed by a life of freedom— he figured he already lost what made life rich. 

At the ranch, Javier would chat up the yokels, describing you to the best of his abilities. Which usually stumped him— you... well, you were just you. He’s never been apart from you to have to worry about your description— Javier was always there. 

Days passed without trace of you, it was probably best he left before the law caught wind of his excessive presence. 

It was hopeless, yet he prayed on the North wind that it would him to you. 

You could run the fool around in circles looking for your whereabouts. Hell, you could be in Timbuktu by now. Just like the day you left, the same hopelessness would creep upon Javier in those rare moments of disparity. 

Those moments would eat him from the inside out, that discomforting pit forming in his stomach was always enough to empty it on the ground. 

—

The aimless paths of New Austin was a place where the souls of saddle tramps go. 

Into the horizon of the blazing sun was where you sat, under the only tree seen in miles. Your shire grazed in between you and the lonely road, like a black flag it stood in the orange dirt. Not even it could escape the mourning which life embraced.  

You are not sure how much time passed you there, perched up under the tree, you’d watch the road. Studying the little silhouettes of cowpokes slowly growing as they approached periodically, all you thought of was Javier.  Hope overturned your grudge until they were near. 

Some of these men would simply tip their hat as they passed, others would offer you a ride to town, and a few just stared at you; their forlorn eyes scratched at the walls of your soul. As if they were trying to tell you something. 

Just as unfortunate as yourself, the nameless victims would soon be swallowed and spit back out by the blazing desert that awaited them. 

It wasn’t until a clear morning for Javier to stumble upon that fork in the road, leading to the tree where you sat; seeking the same retreat you did days ago. 

Sickeningly poetic; with no such weight on your shoulders, you seemed to have found the freedom Javier had been chasing all these years. Right front of him this entire time in the devoid lands of New Austin.

Usually well groomed, the man showed a five o'clock shadow, earning a more rugged demeanor his months away from the luxuries of camp. 

Lost puppy-dog eyes stared your way, being shielded by his bowler cap. The hair you used to run your fingers through was neatly tied back, and draping over his poncho. 

“Javier,” 

You greeted solemnly, your tranquil gaze greeting the man from where you sat. The thumping began in his ears as he staggered off Boaz, stiffly trying to shake the sudden feeling that your voice gave him. 

“hola amor.” 

He uttered awkwardly, approaching your newfound paradise underneath the old shady tree. 

“I reckoned you’d be in Tahiti by now.” 

You remarked bitterly, eyeing your lover from under the brim of your hat. He gripped the front of his gun belt, knuckles turning white and misshapen after all the years of abuse, the same hands that would be placed around your hips as he guided you through a busy town. 

Javier let out a rueful huff as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. It flustered him to be antagonized in such a low moment of his life, especially by you. 

But he simply did not possess the words and feelings begging to be shared with you— there were just too many. 

Expecting you to continue, there was a deafening silence. 

It was more than just the silence that plagued these western lands, but a sadness that often followed Javier everywhere he roamed, you could see it in his smile. 

The lands gave Javier a place to duck under his doubts and troubles for a time, like a buck stuck beneath the bottom wire. 

“It’s over,”

Javier’s voice came out as a whisper, thumb and finger caressing over the stubble on his chin. 

A conclusion which needed no further words, you understood. 

He never imagined it not meaning anything, but yet his brothers were reduced to the barrel he pointed. 

Small shines of orange bathed through the wilting leaves which provided your gracious shade. As you contemplated his words, a soft breeze accompanied the both of you. 

Finally arising to meet his frame, he towered over you slightly— lost along the way but finally found, 

you were no longer his partner in crime, nor a part of the Van der Linde gang— but just his chica he met all those years ago in Old Mexico, before the world was big.  

Javier knew he couldn’t make up for your lost time together, but for now, being with you would do. 

Without a word his arms wrapped around you and trailed down to the small of your back, the smell of rolled tobacco leeched off his poncho, a smell you’ve grown fond of over the years. As his cheek rested on the crown of your head, a different kind of silence was shared. 

“Oh Javi,” 

Your voice now both sorrowful and tender, it was impossible to hold a grudge against the warm honeypot eyes that yearned for you. 

“lo sé,” 

Javier murmured softly, giving into the relief that a calmer life brought. 

Behind where you rested revealed a testament the tree possessed. A bald spot in the maple-colored wood had bark torn away, faded letters with sap-filled groves were carved by previous visitors of the solitude tree: 

‘blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy’

Javier united your lips with a long awaited kiss, your cheeks softly being caressed by his thumbs. To him, it was like falling for you all over again. But this time, he wanted to do everything right. 

“Figured the law got you.” 

You mumbled one of your many worries after the man pulled away. Javier scrunched up his nose, cringing at your doubts. 

“Course not, nunca.” 

Eventually bidding your farewell to the tree, you joined Javier at Boaz’s saddlebags for what seemed to be a celebratory smoke. 

“They were hangin’ around that ranch, it’s not safe.”

You proclaimed, even the west had reminded you that a quiet cabin life was unrealistic. He hummed against the tobacco in between his lips, considering your words. 

“Where does that leave us?” 

Javier asked through an exhale. His sharp eyes squinted under the sun, staring at you in devotion. 

For the first time in a year, you made that choice together. 

With possessions on your shire and the both of you on Boaz, was where Javier liked you best. Feeling your heartbeat on his back always reminded him of Mexico, yet you were his home.

While riding, your hands would instinctively grasp Javier’s gun belt. Marking both the leather and his heart throughout the years you spent together. 

Later that day Javier’s buck would graze upon the open fields you crossed, only to scamper off once your horses made way. Its coat bright and shining off the sinking sun, he swore it’s the biggest one he’s ever seen. 

Expecting a comment, Javier thought maybe you dozed off, or perhaps he accidentally sipped his flask instead of his canteen. 

Aways up north yielded reassurance and prosperity, the man decided that tonight he would sleep instead of keeping watch, an unusual gesture he knew you both needed. 

Far away from the lands you once both resided, a comfortable wilderness separated you and any dangers— Maybe tomorrow night he would keep watch, but tonight, he just needed you. 

Javier’s shaking hands prepped a small flame, and smoothed out the creases of your bedroll that night. The same hands that would work a revolver effortlessly, and confidently beat in the faces of men in a moment's notice. 

but for you? they trembled. 

Fingers that had been busted more times than you could count were now fumbling through every button of your shirt, leaving a trail of his lips where his hands once touched. 

Nonetheless satisfied with these tasks, the crinkles beside his eyes would reflect off the flame as he flashed you a content smile. 

The fire crackled within your cozy makeshift camp, its orange flame lighting up Javier’s torso just enough to highlight the tones and scars on his chest. 

Javier was used to catching you staring, never failing to tease you about it. A mere husky chuckle and verbal warning would remind you of his diminutive willpower when it came to you.  

Joining you beneath the blankets, his body radiated with the warmth you craved. With a protective arm easing you towards him, your skin colliding with his was enough to wash all his hardships away. 

Your lips ghosted down his neck, causing a loose sigh to escape his lips. Javier cooed words of endearment, unsure if he deserved your regained affection. 

You felt him tense around you as your lips traveled down to his adam’s apple and the large horizontal scar that covered it. 

“lo siento,”

He muttered softly, finally getting the long awaited words out— It was for a lot of things, that scar was just one of them. 

His breath hitched and ran down your bare skin, your torso being consumed by his restless large hands. Only you reminded Javier of his scars, usually in a way of gratification, having earned them throughout your time together. 

But that healed slit along his throat brought the man waves of embarrassment, Javier was thankful for your love nonetheless, and you for his loyalty. 

With belated love and words begging to be said, Javier knew his lips had a lot of catching up to do. But tonight you both needed rest. 

As if it was tradition, he ensured you found your peace first, maybe it solaced the man knowing you were safe within his arms. 

Gusts of winds whistled through the trees, causing them to sing a song made just for the two of you. His coarse hands ran down your sides before settling at your waist, once again basking in what he could have lost. 

Up yonder was where the starry night sky shined just for him to see you. The constellations washed away his most honorable sins, and extended the borrowed time you both had been lent years ago. 

The blanket you shared was pulled over your shoulder, ensuring your undisturbed rest. Javier’s gentle lips ghosted over your cheek for just one more kiss goodnight. 

You were long asleep, closely tucked within the arms of the man you called home. Yearning to chase the relief your shared nights provided, Javier’s eyes grew heavy. Through a gentle state of somnolent, his prideful buck accompanied him in the meadow it frolicked. 

Whispered words slipped into the night and greeted his slumber. 

“te amo.” 

~

[ravensmadreads]

Youre giving me life rn the tags are so funny. Thank you!

Shut up your fic has me in a chokehold???? It's so funny and soft and hot and amazing and I can totally see future heartbreak but I'm still gonna finish it and okay im gonna shut up now

IT'S KILLING ME

P.S Anita Moreno is a badass and I love her.

[pursuedbyamemoryy]

HIIII i saw requests were open… can you perhaps write some general relationship hc’s with arthur, john, and javier?? feel free to do anyone you like i just love them😊😊 thank you so much!!

☆ thank you for requesting, i got a little carried away with some of them hehe. i decided to add charles into the mix because he’s my fav and i couldn’t resist ;) i hope you enjoy reading <3 !!

🌾 arthur morgan

- he admitted his feelings to you by giving you a drawing he did of you that had a little note attached

- he draws you. all the time. before you got together, and while you’re together. he’ll draw you doing chores, sitting by the camp fire, sitting under a tree reading. he just admires you so much and can’t help but draw you

- he shows you everything he draws of you

- if you ask he’d try his best to teach you how to draw. he might not be the best teacher but he’d try his best

- he’s protective but not overprotective. he knows you can handle yourself but is always nearby just in case you need him

- once you’ve been together for a while he opens up to you about eliza and isaac. it’s a difficult thing for him to talk about but he trusts you enough to tell you

- he lets you wear his hat. you’re the only one besides himself who gets to wear it. he thinks it looks cute on you, plus he gets to use the cowboy hat rule excuse ;)

- he likes to get out of camp every so often just for some air and time alone. he used to go out by himself but after you got together he’d take you with him. sometimes it’ll be short rides and other times it’ll be staying out for a couple of days

- he can be a bit distant sometimes when he’s tired or stressed, and he prefers to be alone when he’s overwhelmed in any way. the only exception is you. he’ll reluctantly open up to you at first, but gets more comfortable over time, trusting you with how he’s feeling.

- he likes to joke around with you, and he really lets his playful side show when he’s with you.

- not a fan of PDA but loves cuddling with you in private. he prefers to be the big spoon, having you lay your head on his chest. he also really likes when you lay completely on top of him.

- his hands tend to wander while he holds you. he’ll idly trace patterns in your skin, running his hands up your spine or your arms.

- his love languages are words of affirmation and quality time

- he definitely calls you “my girl/boy”, or dear. not huge on pet names but will occasionally use them

🌾 john marston

- he’s a little oblivious to his feelings for you, which means you most likely confessed first

- i feel like he first started to really fall for you after the wolf attack, but just never spoke up about his feelings for you until you said something

- he’s also pretty protective of you, he comes off a little more harsh than arthur does but it’s all in good reason

- if there’s ever a situation where someone’s bothering you or even threatening you, john will step in immediately, doing anything and everything he can to scare off whoever’s causing problems

- is not afraid to get into a fight in order to protect you, which has resulted in lots of scolding and a couple more scars for him. he doesn’t mean to scare or worry you, he just cares about you too much to let someone talk bad about you or threaten you in any way

- he’s very touch starved and doesn’t realize it until you get together

- the first time you hug him is when he realizes. it was an awkward hug on his part, but he loved feeling you in his arms

- a lot of his touches are awkward at first, not because he doesn’t like it but because it’s something new to him. he’s unsure about where to put his hands, where he should look, etc

- he starts to get more comfortable with touch as you spend more time with him. eventually he’ll touch you out of habit. a hand resting on the small of your back, or on your thigh while you sit in front of the campfire together. small, innocent touches.

- he loves cuddling at night, and often prefers to be the one being held

- overall he really loves you and cares about you, he wants to be the best he can be for you

- you’ve caught him staring at you from across camp sometimes, a small, affectionate smile on his face

- his love language is words of affirmation.

- he likes pet names and uses them often, his favorite being babe or baby

🌾 javier escuella

- javier is one of the most romantic camp members in my opinion

- he definitely confessed first

- you both liked each other and were quite obvious about it, constantly flirting with one another, but he’s the one who asked you out first

- i like to think he asked you out through a song somehow

- either that or he came up to you, all flirty and asked you out to a night in the town (whichever was nearest to your current camp) , offering you a flower he found while he was out of camp

- plays his guitar for you ofc

- he also totally writes songs and dedicates them to you

- is more than willing to teach you how to play if you ask

- very touchy if you’re okay with it. he always has his hand on you or his arm wrapped around you

- he is very into PDA. he has no problem cuddling and holding you in front of the gang and he definitely does once he knows you’re okay with it

- you two will cuddle up near the campfire together, you sitting in his lap whenever he’s not playing his guitar

- he also loves cuddling before you fall asleep

- after you’ve been together for a bit he’ll invite you to sleep under his tent with him. he feels safe and comfortable with you, quickly falling asleep in your arms

- tells you stories about mexico and his family and life there. he has so many stories and will tell you each and every one

- you’re the one person he trusts to tell more personal stuff, he definitely opens up to you more after a while of being together. not only about his life in mexico but the harder parts of it, the stuff he doesn’t really tell anyone

- likes getting dressed up with you every one in a while and going out to saint denis or other cities, spending nights dancing and drinking together. he loves little dates away from camp

- takes you fishing with him. even if you don’t fish you’re going with him at least once, per his request

- if you like fishing then he’ll take you out on fishing trips often. just the two of you camping out by a lake for a day or two, fishing and spending time with one another

- overall he really loves when you ask him to teach you things because he can see that you take genuine interest in the things he likes. anything from guitar, fishing, to even spanish, he’s always willing to teach if you want to learn.

- uses spanish nicknames for you. hermosa, querida, mi vida, mi amor, cariño, etc. any and every pet name in the book, except in spanish

- he always flirts with you. even after you’ve been together for a while, his flirting never dies down. he’s always complimenting you, no matter what. even if you’re exhausted and dirty from being out on a job he still has a compliment for you.

- gets you a knife similar to his own. he wants you to be able to protect yourself, and he likes having something matching between the two of you <3

- shares his poncho with you if you get cold

- he lets you play with his hair and he’ll let you put it up for him

- he loves kissing you and he’s not shy about it. he’ll kiss you anywhere, anytime, he doesn’t care who sees.

- his love languages are touch and quality time. he just loves being near you

🌾 charles smith

- it took a while for charles to realize his feelings for you and you definitely had to approach him first.

- he’s quiet at first, but will open up to you as you get closer and spend more time with him.

- he’ll tell you everything he knows about his family and the stuff he went through as a kid once he feels comfortable with you

- a great listener. he could listen to you talk for hours, and often does. whether you talk about a job you went on, the chores you did that day, a clothing item or piece of jewelry you saw, or stories from your life, he’ll listen.

- not only will he listen, he’ll remember. he’ll remember every little detail, and often surprises you with the things he remembers.

- there’s lots of comfortable silence between the two of you. you’ll often work side by side without speaking a word but enjoying each other’s company. he could be making some arrows or sharpening the camp axe while you read or finish up a small chore like sewing up a hole in someone’s clothes.

- his love languages are definitely quality time and acts of service.

- he’ll do little things to help you out. he’ll do his own laundry so it doesn’t add to the laundry you already have. he’ll clean your guns and sharpen your knives for you. he’ll brush your horse and braid its mane when you’re busy and haven’t had time to. small things that make a difference.

- definitely teaches you how to hunt and track. you’ll go out with him each time the gang needs food, getting time away from camp which you both enjoy. takes you to all his best hunting spots, teaching you all his little tips and tricks to getting a clean kill.

- he’s not big on PDA and often gets embarrassed if someone sees you kissing or anything.

- he definitely gets used to it the longer you’ve been together, but he prefers to save all that stuff for behind closed doors.

- it’s not like he won’t kiss or hug you in front of anyone else, he just gets a bit flustered

- eventually you’ll move into his tent with him, and once you’re alone he’ll be a lot more physically affectionate

- he also enjoys cuddling. he’s spent a lot of time alone, sleeping in the wilderness by himself before he joined the gang, so sleeping next to you if very comforting to him.

- he doesn’t use a lot of pet names, but his favorite is “my love”.

- although he knows very little about his mother’s culture, he’ll share what he knows with you. he’ll tell you old stories that she told him growing up, and the significance of bison. you showing interest in his culture means a lot to him.

[amhrosina]

Feelings are Fatal (Javier Peña x f!Reader)

MASTERLIST // JOIN MY TAGLIST

A/N: omg whatttttt amhrosina writing a fic about someone not in a marvel show/movie???? whatttt???? the people who know me in person (& one of my fav mutuals) knew this was coming. what can I say? it’s pedro fucking pascal and i've been in love with him since GOT lol enjoy this angst fest!  

request: rosi i noticed that you added pedro pascal to your writing list so im requesting a fic with javi comforting dea reader after a family member/friend dies. soft javi, maybe reader is drinking and theres an established but secret relationship. feel free not to write it if you dont like it but i saw your authors note about pedro and figured i would ask

Summary: Javi comforts reader after she gets terrible news and is forced to confront the depth of his feelings for her. Steve confronts Javi about his secret relationship.

(Warnings: angst, mentions of death, grief, minor injuries, alcohol, Javi is a grump but is a soft!boy w reader, cursing, lots of cigarettes lol, feelings are hard for javi)

The second you heard the receiver click on the other end of the line, the bulky phone slipped from your hand and tumbled to the floor. The booming crack of the plastic smacking the tile, followed by the trinkle of the pieces cascading across the floor, were the only sounds you could hear in the bullpen. You tried to find something to focus on, eyes glazing over as your heartbeat pounded in your ears. You scanned the area around you, skipping over Murphy’s concerned gaze and landing on Javi’s empty chair.  

Mierda. (Shit.) He was still chasing a lead in Cali, and he wasn’t supposed to be home until early tomorrow morning. It’s not like he would be able to do anything for you right now anyways, considering you were surrounded by people who would out your relationship in half a second if it meant their career might be boosted because of it, but his reassuring presence was something you sorely needed at the moment.  

Your chest tightened as you processed what your dad had just murmured through the phone. You had been sitting when you answered the phone, but at some point, you must’ve stood, because you were currently white knuckling the back of your chair.  

Murphy rolled his chair into your eyeline, waving his hands in the air. Everything around you sounded muffled, almost like you were under water, and you couldn’t focus on anything for longer than a few seconds. You ran through the tricks you knew off the top of your head to stave off a panic attack. You tried to take a deep breath, you counted the tiles on the floor, hell, you even tried to find five things you could see, but the rapidly rising pace of your heartbeat, and the shallow breaths you could barely manage told you your panic attack was in full swing already. 

A gentle presence on your wrist sent a shock through you so prevalent that you snapped to attention and the world suddenly got very loud. Murphy was standing in front of you with wide eyes, murmuring your name, while the lucky few agents that happened to be in the bullpen when your phone rang stood a few feet back, observing you with keen interest. You weren’t stupid enough to believe they cared about your wellbeing. Nosy fuckers.  

Your hands clenched into fists, shaking slightly. The indent of your nails pressing into your palm was a steady ache, one that you absolutely needed if you were going to walk out of the office without incident. And you knew that was where you needed to go. Away from here, away from the DEA’s bullshit bureaucracy, away from Pablo Escobar and his sicarios. You stumbled away from Murphy, turning on your heels when you reached the lip of the bottom stair. You would explain everything to everyone later, when you could think again. ‘If you still have a job later, pendeja (asshole/idiot),’ you thought miserably. 

You barely remember jumping into your front seat, nor starting the car, nor pulling out of the police headquarters lot. You had a vague awareness that you arrived home when you unlocked your front door, but you were stuck in autopilot, and couldn’t bear to think about why you were stuck in autopilot.  

You eyed the bottle of liquor Javi had left in your kitchen the last time he was here and sighed. Yes, you thought, that’s perfect. 

- 

Javi was driving like a maniac, and he didn’t give two shits about it. When Steve had called earlier, he hadn’t been able to give any details about their partner’s bizarre behavior, other than her hasty departure from DEA headquarters after a strange phone call. Steve was puzzled, but otherwise not too concerned about her. Javi, on the other hand, had carefully untangled himself from his business in Cali and hopped on the next available and inconspicuous flight home he could manage.  

He could feel in his gut that something was wrong, and he couldn’t leave his girl hanging, job or no job. He wasn’t any closer to capturing Escobar anyways and had already determined that his trip to Cali was a colossal waste of time and resources before Steve had called him.  

He’d been pulled away from DEA headquarters for long enough, and this was the perfect excuse for him to high tail it out of Cali and come home. He was tired, and he missed his conejita (bunny – term of endearment), and even though he’d never admit it, he missed Murphy’s early morning grumblings too.  

He peeled into the nearest parking spot he could find to the apartment building and hurdled himself out of the driver’s seat. When he entered the building, he eyed the door at the top of the stairs. Dark – either Murphy was still at the office, asleep, or sitting in his apartment in complete darkness. His apartment was also dark, but a soft glow emitted from under his conejita’s door, and he breathed a sigh of relief.  

He considered using the key she had given him for emergencies. Did this count as an emergency? He sure thought so, but he didn’t want to startle her, so he knocked on the door with anxious trepidation. He waited, straining to listen through the door for any sign of life inside the apartment. There was nothing, and then there was the loud crash of something glass hitting the floor, and Javi was through the door before she could let out a yelp.  

She was on her hands and knees, hunched on the floor by her couch. Broken glass was all over the floor around her, though Javi couldn’t tell what she’d broken. He was more concerned for her palms and kneecaps, all of which were being pushed into the broken glass shards with little resistance on her end. He rushed to her side, lifting her off of the glass and into his arms.  

“Javi?” She slurred, raising her chin in a defiant gesture.  

“Cariño (honey), what happened?” He noted the way she slurred her words and the fact that her cheeks were tinted pink. “Have you been drinking?”  

“Have you been drinking, Agent Grumpy?” She pouted, trying to mimic the way Javi’s lips would poke out when he was upset about something.  

Clearly, she’d been drinking, but Javi couldn’t figure out what might’ve spurred this behavior. Out of him, Murphy, and her, she was the most levelheaded of the trio, and the least likely to drown her sorrows in a bottle of liquor. Dread coiled in his gut. Something awful must’ve gone down while he was gone, and he couldn’t help but feel like the idiot that couldn’t keep up. 

“Baby,” he murmured, carefully navigating through the millions of tiny glass shards all over her living room floor, “¿Que paso (what happened)?”  

“I dropped the bottle.” She breathed, clutching onto his shirt with her bloody hands. He didn’t care. He’d use a hundred of his shirts to stop her bleeding. He carefully set her down in a kitchen chair, untangling his limbs from hers. She seemed more alert now, more awake than when he’d busted through the door moments before. The cuts on her hands and knees were probably to blame for that, but Javi couldn’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. First, he had to find a first aid kit.  

Every agent was trained in basic first aid, and if they felt like being kiss-asses, they could take classes to get certified in trauma response. Javi hadn’t felt like being a kiss-ass, but he knew he way around a first aid kit. As he poked around her kitchen and bathroom cabinets, he stuck his head in the hallway every few seconds, checking on her. She was waiting patiently at the kitchen table where he’d left her, but she’d adopted a look that could only be described as “far away”, and his concern was growing by the minute.  

Javi couldn’t figure it out. When they’d talked on the phone this morning, she was fine, chipper even. She was excited that he’d be home soon, and he had promised that he’d make up for the nights they’d lost while he was working in Cali. When her voice had dropped to a whisper, and she revealed that Murphy had just walked into the bullpen thirty minutes early, his breath had hitched in his throat as he almost let the words “I love you” slip from between his lips.  

Javi wasn’t inexperienced with women, but he was sure that she was the only woman in the world that could get him that tongue tied. When the receiver clicked, indicating that she'd hung up, Javi had spent entirely too long staring at the phone in his hands, listening to the dial tone drone on and on as he searched his brain for wherever the hell that had come from.  

But that couldn’t be what was bothering her. Steve had mentioned a phone call, but she’d hung up the phone with him before 8am, and she didn’t start acting weird until almost ten hours later. There had to be someone, something bothering her, and Javi’s chest ached with rage about it. The only person allowed to bother her was him, and he took that job very seriously. 

“Bebé (Baby),” he sighed, propping the medical kit open on the kitchen table, “Will you tell me what’s going on?” 

She swallowed thickly, sighing as he pulled up a chair in front of her. He gently lifted her hands to the light so he could see the cuts. They were shallow, but hands always bled a lot, so both of her palms were stained a deep crimson. She watched him as he began to remove pieces of glass from the cuts, and he waited patiently for her to explain herself. He’d wait for as long as she needed him to. 

- 

The stinging sensation hadn’t left your trembling hands, but you wanted to be tough in front of Javi, so you watched quietly as he wrapped your hands in thick gauze. He’d lit a cigarette two minutes ago, puffing smoke in the air at regular intervals as he worked. When he finally moved on to your knees, which had stopped bleeding ten minutes ago, you tried to figure out exactly what to say to him.  

It wasn’t every day that your significant other’s mom suddenly and inexplicably dies during an evening nap, leaving everyone, especially your significant other, baffled and choked by her loss. His mom had quietly passed away earlier the year before, and he was only gone for two days before returning to Colombia. He hadn’t broached the topic since then, and you weren’t as comfortable with him then as you were now. You could confidently say that you had no idea how this was going to go. 

You took a breath, and before you could talk yourself out of it, mumbled the same words your dad had spoken hours before, causing your world to crumble around you. 

“Mi mamá está muerta. (My mom is dead.)” 

Javi sucked in a breath, lifting his gaze towards yours with a pitiful expression. Tears welled in your eyes, and for the first time since you’d heard the horrible news, you allowed yourself to cry. Javi dropped the gauze on the table and wrapped his muscular arms around your neck, pulling you into his chest.  

“Oh, Cariño,” he cooed, kissing your hair as you sobbed into his shirt, “Lo siento, bebé. (I’m sorry, baby.)” 

His shirt was sure to be irreparably stained now that your blood and tears were soaked into it, but he didn’t seem to mind. He stroked your back, kissed your head, and held you close while you cried and cried into his chest. He’d never seen you so vulnerable before, and a rush of fear shot through you at the thought of him scaring away because of that, but every time you tried to push away from him, he’d tighten his hold on you and urge you to let it out. 

When you finally got a handle on your sobs, Javi pulled back, searching your expression for any further breakage. He’d weather it, this awful storm, for as long as you needed him to. You knew that, and even still, when he began to put the pieces of you back together again, your heart melted at the thought of him.  

Javier Peña was not the guy that women came crying to in the middle of the night. He was the guy you picked up for the one-night stand, the one you’d talk about for years afterwards, the one you’d think about as ‘the one that got away’ until you were too old to remember his name and where he came from. That was Javier Peña, and yet, he was in your kitchen, cleaning up your wounds, healing the part of you that was inexplicably broken. If only Murphy could see you guys now. 

“Cuando es el funeral? (When is the funeral?)” He asked, blotting at the scabs on your knees.  

“Next weekend.” You murmured, wincing as he taped gauze over a particularly deep cut. 

“When mi mamá died,” he started, and you stopped breathing, unwilling to be the one to fuck this conversation up before it even started, “I didn’t let myself mourn the way I should have. I tried to sweep it under the rug, ‘ya know?” 

You nodded, remembering the weeks after his return from Texas. He had thrown himself into his work, which made yours and Murphy’s lives a little easier for a while, though neither of you preferred it that way.  

“Let yourself mourn, Cariño. It’s my biggest regret.” 

“Okay.” You nodded, though you weren’t sure exactly what he meant by that. You spoke before you could stop yourself. “You can still mourn her. There’s not a time limit on grief.”  

It sort of felt like the air was sucked out of the room. You’d never said something so bold to Javi, especially not about his personal life. You were five seconds away from blaming your brashness on the alcohol you’d consumed, even though you’d sobered up fairly quickly once he’d arrived, when he nodded. 

“That’s true, Cariño.” 

You blinked. You must really look like shit if Javi wasn’t actively building walls around himself. Sure, he’d opened up a little throughout the relationship, but he was still working on being vulnerable with you, and he had a lot of work left to do. You knew he was plagued by nightmares – you were too, and who, working this job, wouldn’t be? – but he wouldn’t talk about them with anyone. Instead, he’d pull you closer, kiss you harder, and make you forget why he’d woken in the first place. It was a coping mechanism that both of you recognized as ‘not actually coping’ but neither of you had the resources or the energy to work through that trauma. At least, not yet. 

He lit another cigarette, and you watched him breathe in the smoke deeply. He lifted it toward you, and you eagerly parted your lips, taking a much needed drag. Before Colombia, before Javi, you hadn’t touched a cigarette in your life. After being assigned to team Murphy-Peña, you felt like you had a perpetual cloud of smoke hovering over you at all times.  

Javi brushed his hands together and threw the remaining unused gauze back in the first aid kit. He gently pulled you from your seat, and the slight movement sent a sting through your legs. You were already regretting the alcohol and your hangover hadn’t even started yet. 

“Let’s sleep at my place tonight, Cariño. We’ll clean this up tomorrow.” 

You nodded, teary eyed again. You didn’t want to think about tomorrow, or next week, or any time in the future that didn’t include your mom. If Javi noticed your tears, he didn’t say anything about them, and you were grateful for his wherewithal. He always knew exactly how to handle you, and that was part of the reason you’d fallen in love with him.  

Love. You blanched. Nope. Not thinking about that right now. 

You shrugged the thought away as Javi lifted you bridal style in his arms. Javier Peña didn’t fall in love, and you certainly weren’t going to be the woman to challenge that. 

- 

Bonus Scene: Steve confronting Javi about his secret relationship with you. 

“Are you fucking stupid? You’ve got to be, to pull this bullshit.” 

Javi watched Steve pace across his living room. Again. He’d been walking a hole in the rug for half an hour, and Javi wasn’t sure Steve would be stopping his rant anytime soon.  

Technically, Javi deserved this. Everything Steve was saying was true. He was jeopardizing not only his career, but hers too. The integrity of the investigation against Escobar would be questioned if word got out that two of the three agents assigned to his case were fucking each other. Not to mention how quickly procedure would be thrown out the window if either of them were in danger. There’s a reason why those rules existed. 

But like most things, it wasn’t that simple. Javi hadn’t been able to offer an excuse for when Steve caught him carrying her into his apartment, taped to high hell with gauze and tipsy as all get out. He’d simply shrugged, unlocked the door, and carried her through the frame without a second glance. 

Now, Steve wasn’t stupid, but he chalked up that incident to her being overwhelmed with grief. What friend wouldn’t offer their couch up to their drunk, mourning partner when she needed it? What he didn’t know was how often she slept at Javi’s already. She even had a toothbrush in his bathroom and a stack of books piled on one of the nightstands in his bedroom.  

Steve’s suspicions might’ve grown a little the weekend that she went home to Oceanside for her mother’s funeral. Weekends meant little to the DEA agents working Escobar’s case – every day was another day they could possibly learn information that may or may not give them someone who might know something about Escobar, or not – but Javi was especially fidgety the two days she was off on leave. 

Steve finally demanded to know what the hell was bothering Javi when he caught him staring at her empty seat for the third time in an hour. Javi brushed it off, claiming he hadn’t been sleeping well, but Steve wasn’t so easily persuaded to look the other way again.  

The final straw, the one that prompted the yelling and the insults and the pacing, made Javi’s relationship with her so obvious that there wasn’t a chance in hell he could talk his way out of it. Steve, being the hero best buddy that he was, had heard an alarming thump from Javi’s apartment, and taken it upon himself to investigate. What he hadn’t been expecting to find was his two partners, tangled in each other’s limbs, going at it on the kitchen counter like rabbits.  

Hence, the yelling. 

“I mean, seriously Javi? You could fuck any woman in the world, and you chose the one woman that’s off limits!” 

“Listen, man. I-” 

Javi tried again to interrupt Steve’s rant, to explain himself and what he felt for her. Steve was missing the bigger picture. Javi wasn’t just fucking her, he loved her. He couldn’t figure out if that would make Steve more or less angry about it. 

“You what, man? You what?!” Steve threw his hands in the air, beckoning an excuse that might help him understand why his partners would be such idiots. 

Javi struggled to translate his feelings into words. He hadn’t even told her yet exactly how he felt and saying it now felt weirdly similar to a trial run. He searched his head for the right words to describe what she was to him. 

“I’ve been sleeping.” Javi rested his hands on his hips and sighed, eyes flickering across the ceiling as he realized how incredibly stupid that sounded outside of his brain. “I know I love her, because I can sleep after I’ve talked to her.” 

Steve studied Javi, searching for any signs of deception. He narrowed his eyes when he couldn’t find any. 

“What do you mean you ‘love’ her?” 

“I mean, I fucking love her, man. I don’t know what you want me to say.” Javi was growing restless, tugging at the neckline of his button-down shirt. Conversations like these always made him antsy, and he could feel the temperature in his cheeks rising. 

“You.” Steve cocked a grin, “Javier Peña. In love? I’m not buying it man.” 

“Well, I’m not going to try and convince you.” It was Javi’s turn to throw his hands in the air in distress. He lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. 

“You actually care about her?” Steve’s expression morphed from disbelief to genuine shock. Javi wished he could take a picture to savor the moment. 

“Are you going to say anything to anyone?”  

Javi would normally never be so obvious about his fears, but he was thinking about her, back in her apartment, probably walking a hole into her rug as she waited for Steve and Javi to hash their shit out. The look on her face when Steve started yelling was enough to make Javi panic, and he was not above begging if it meant keeping her out of trouble. 

“Nah, man.” Steve shook his head, plopping down on Javi’s couch. Javi sagged with relief. “Just don’t make it so obvious. I was suspicious before I walked in on you two.” 

“Yeah, man.” Javi took another drag of his cigarette.  

“Have you told her?” 

“Told her what?” Javi couldn’t keep the bite from his tone. 

“That you love her.” 

Javi envied the ease that Steve managed when he talked about love. Before she’d been transferred to Colombia, Javi had never, in his life, been able to understand why anyone would choose to fall in love. He recognized the signs of it from the years of watching his parents interact, but he’d never experienced it before. When Steve talked about Connie, whether it was a complaint or not, there was always an underlying tone of love in his words. When she showed up, everything Javi had ever thought about love was scrambled, and it terrified him. 

“No.” He blew out a slow trail of smoke. 

Steve nodded slowly in understanding. If anyone in the world could comprehend Javi’s mindset right now, it was the guy he’d spent hours and hours with every day for years. 

“Maybe you should.” 

“Yeah, maybe I should.” 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[pedroshotwifey]

A Real Man Frankie Morales x plus size!fem!reader - Frankie has you sit on his face. (1.2k)

Fucking Mine Dave York x fem!reader - You help Dave get out some frustrations. (839)

One Condition Marcus Pike x fem!reader x Ezra (Prospect) - You and your partner, Marcus Pike, get stranded on an inhabited planet and run into problem after problem. You find yourselves in a compromising position that requires help from a strange man, who comes to you with one condition. (4.9k)

Cramped Innocent!Din Djarin x GN!reader - As you tried to explain, the two of you really don't fit in the cockpit. (927)

Bargian Javier Peña x male!reader - You and Javi play through one of your scandalous fantasies (2.1k)

Salty Sweet Javier Peña x fem!reader - Javi eats you out on your birthday---with a deliciously kinky twist (1.3k)

Better Ezra x f!reader - You join Ezra on his unscheduled break, not knowing you're in for the ride of your lifetime. (2k)

Good 'n' Deep Fat!Frankie Morales x f!reader - Fat Frankie can't be sated. (2.6k)

What Matters Older Joel Miller x f!reader - Your and Joel's first time together turns into so much more. (1.9k)

Needy Sub!Frankie Morales x dom!f!reader - Frankie gives you control for the night and you make sure he gets the most out of it. (1.6k)

Tease Sub!Dieter Bravo x sub!GN!reader x dom!Dave York - You and Dieter think it's fun to tease Dave, and Dave thinks he should teach you both a lesson for it. (2.4k)

Toeing the Line fwb!Marcus Pike x f!reader - Can you really just be "friends"? (740)

Stress Relief Pre-outbreak Joel Miller jacking off to some porn

Mini Skirt Javier Peña x fem!coworker!reader - You start thinking down on yourself---luckily, Javi's there to lift you back up. Nothing some praise and a good fuck in his office can't fix. (2.7k)

The Right Guy X-Men!Logan x f!reader - Logan tries too hard on a first date (mostly cute fluff with a smudge of angst kind of) (1.1k)

Song fic requests:

Haunted QZ!Joel Miller x afab!reader - Haunted by Beyonce

Taste Ex!Javi x reader - Taste by Sabrina Carpenter

Requested Drabbles

Want some help on what to request? Try one of these links! (Make sure to specify which prompt list you’re using or I will assume it’s prompt list 1 :)

Prompt list 1

Prompt list 2

Prompt list 3

Prompt list 4

I am also willing to write for JDM characters (love me some Negan 🤭) , Oscar Isaac characters, Cassian Andor, Hugh Jackman characters (Logan is my fav) and Rick Grimes! Feel free to suggest a different character and I’ll see what I can do! ❤️

Small letter about the requests (basically saying that this is a safe space for all of you to request whatever you'd like!)

[halfmoth-halfman]

we're starting to get into the spooky months now, so what better way to close out the summer vibes than with a fic rec list!!

unfortunately, the original of this post got messed up through my queue and it left me discouraged and not really with the energy to go all out like i usually do so i apologize if the reviews are a little lackluster this time around, but i did love and adore every single one of these fics 💜

if you wanna see more more of my fic recs and favs, i have em all on my recs blog, here!! please note the navi page is still under construction!!

and of course, if you have any fic recs of your own, feel free to send em my way here or on my sideblog - i love finding new fics and writers!! 💜

Javier Peña

birthday bash || a pile of cards - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ what else can i say? cute. adorable. perfect. made me feel like it was my birthday, because this was fic was such a gift. i don't know how jo is able to write the cutest and most fun relationship dynamics, but it makes my heart soar every time.

late night texts || iv. before the gold and glimmer | bonus scene: phone sex | v. you make me feel wild | vi. the place where i want to be | bonus scene: wicked games you play | vii. oh the sweetest thing - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i will never not be in love with the way jo writes javi, and the absolute beauty of her writing. the way this relationship builds and feels so real with equals parts teasing and the shyness of the first time meeting someone you kinda sorta know always leaves me stunned.

John "Soap" MacTavish

run away to me || i. - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i'm warning y'all now, hal has spoiled me this month and a lot of the fics on this list are gonna be hers. but to start we're talking about this fantastic fic. blacksmith!soap was not something i knew i needed and i am foaming at the mouth to see where this goes.

soap comforting reader - @nrdmssgs

✧ coming from someone who's had very similar anxieties around meeting a significant other's family, this hit very close to home and was so. damn. sweet. i love this so much and soap being an absolute sweetheart here was just icing on the cake.

John Price

glitter and gold || snippet - @writeforfandoms

✧ i could talk about this fic for hours. not only have i read it about a hundred times, but this fic helped inspire me to start drawing again. one of my top favorite comfort fics, everything about it is perfect. dragon!price being so in love with his wife, princess!reader finding joy and love and freedom with her new husband, the little appearances from the rest of the 141. it's all just perfect.

cardigan || part 1. it starts in a bar - @as-is-above-so-below

✧ price x teacher!reader was a lovely idea that i have been waiting for with baited breath and it did not disappoint. esp this part:

“Believe me. I get it. My career makes it difficult to find time for much of anything.”

“Yeah, well, I have sixteen kids.”

i love sassy teacher!reader.

songs that sound like sea-foam || (ii) | (iii) - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ this fic destroyed me. i had to call my mom and talk to her about it because i loved it so much. idk how to describe it, this filled me with a beautiful sense of longing and nostalgia of the classic fairytales my parents used to read me before bed

all, most, some, none - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ mmkay just one second while i-

lions and ibexes - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i love husband!price, don't get me wrong, but i think farah was the real star of this fic. her characterization is wonderful, and the talk she and reader have is so sad (for lack of a better word) but also hopeful and real. i want to have a love the way hal writes it in her fics.

late night cookies - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ perfect dad!price fic right here. really hit me right in the unresolved daddy issues. good job.

where did you sleep last night - @captainfern

✧ i might just be a sucker for pet names like my love and darling, but this was so unbelievably sweet. reader missing price so much that they light one of his cigars just for the familiar smell of him?? i'm aldkasjl i love this so much.

glory to the reaper - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ the ability of hal to just present us with pure poetry like it's no big deal is just ugh chef's kiss. like all of this here:

How can life go on when such things are uttered to light? When they’re buried deep into your marrow like the dirt on top of a grave? 

How can the Reaper knock at your doorways when love exists in such quantity…in the fractures of his eyes? Only when his lips brush yours do you understand.

absolutely stunning.

ducky socks - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ dad!price strikes again by breaking my heart in the best possible way and gluing it back together with pure sweetness and a wholesome father-daughter relationship.

Keegan P. Russ

for the weak and weary - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i am of a simple mind. i see hal has written a keegan fic, i drop everything and read the keegan fic, i sob uncontrollably and struggle to read through my tears, i scroll back up to the top and read again.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

some nights are like that - @deadbranch

✧ insert ohmygod they were roommates meme here. i love gaz, i love friends to lovers, i love roommates to lovers, i love everything about this fic. it's cute, it's sweet, it made me giggle. 10/10 will read again.

cult of vagabonds || chapter six: storm-flying petrels - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i crave this series like something else let me tell you, and each chapter completely delivers. reader is somehow so frustrating and so relatable at the same time, no regard for her own life but also...same.

to be in love - @lethalchiralium

✧ am i biased because i requested this? yes. but also because this is cute and wholesome and perfect and the idea of gaz buying flowers for his crush makes me smile like an idiot and keri did a perfect job with this.

paper rings - @lethalchiralium

✧ this is me staring at keri after she's written one of the most perfect gaz prompts i've ever read and giving me the cutest, sweetest, most wholesome treat.

get behind me - @writeforfandoms

✧ i love fall fair stuff. corn mazes, haunted houses, bobbing for apples, all of it. and it's even better with the addition of gaz. soap being a little shit had me laughing, but gaz being such a sweetheart (and a little bit of a tease) just had my smiling and giggling to myself.

there’s no need to panic, i’m right here now, aren’t i? you’re safe - @writeforfandoms

✧ gaz is the best boi and even more so when jen writes him. i love the way she portrays him being so soft and comforting, but also not afraid to take care of problems for his significant other. and, as someone who's had loud neighbors, i wish i had gaz there to take care of them for me too 😭

Miguel O'Hara

glass houses - @lethal-chiralium

✧ actual picture of me pretending to be okay after reading this and having my heart shATTERED INTO A MILLION PIECES HOW DARE YOU KERI

welcome to new york || 3 | 4 - @writeforfandoms

✧ i consume these chapters as if they're a decadent slice of cake made just for me and they're so fucking delicious every time. i love lyla and jess in this fic (i love everyone in this fic tbh, but i gotta support the girlies) and this part right here:

(Note to self: bring a sweater.)

literally me. i love this so much and can't wait see where it goes.

hammock by the sea - @wyvernest

✧ the way this fic made me want to enjoy a sunny july afternoon on my honeymoon with miguel in a hammock soooo bad. idk if feel-good can be used to describe a fic, but that's how i feel about this one. it's a feel-good fic, makes me soft and happy and wistful.

spider-girl!reader|| you haven't kissed me all day | jealous miguel | saying i love you for the first time - @luveline

✧ luveline never misses with the miguel fics. every single one is A+ 10/10 chef's kiss. the domesticity while also keeping miguel his grumpy self is just lakdjaksl i'm so weak for luveline's fics and her portrayal of miguel.

Multi

dead disco || chapter 6 - @peachesofteal

✧ i really gotta read this series in small doses, because the way it makes my heart ache cannot be healthy. i just want everything to work out, for them to be happy but goddamn does peach want me to suffer (and i happily thank her for it)

how do they cuddle - @homicidal-slvt

✧ this has any and everyone in it, but more importantly it has my boys, gaz and roach and that's all that matters to me. gaz being the type to do a little kiss attack is so cute and something i can see him doing and roach tracing little shapes and letters i'm screaming. also graves being an absolute menace, you're so right for that.

Nikto

ravishing allure || prologue | cake for a dead man (i) -@halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ do i know who nikto is? not in the slightest. did that stop me from dropping everything to read this series? not in the slightest. will i ever be normal about one of hal's amazing fics? not in the slightest :)

Phillip Graves

close your eyes for me, love - @writeforfandoms

✧ protective graves just does something for me. like, of course, he's a little shit and all that, but, as we've seen in canon, that man is loyal to a fault so it makes sense that loyalty would extend to his significant other. and also the way jen writes him just makes me blush and giggle so that's a plus 🤭

Rodolfo Parra

pressing their foreheads together - @writeforfandoms

✧ i read Warnings: soft domestic fluff and kissing. and knew this fic was gonna be made for me. and i was right. this fic made me sigh longingly. i am so astronomically weak for the way jen writes this man and the way she writes soft domesticity.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

the safe house has seen better days - @ghostaholics

✧ how does it feel to have such a perfect understanding of a character and then create such a gorgeous fic on top of that??

Always staying awake, always assigning himself to the graveyard shift for watch while everyone else squeezes in a few hours of rest before the sun comes up.

i am in awe of ms. ghostaholics and her beautiful ability to turn characterization into pure poetry.

hired as a live-in house cleaner - @ceilidho

✧ i👏🏼love👏🏼this👏🏼fic👏🏼 this turned me into a big ol' soft pile of hearts and mush ugghh just the perfect amount of fluff. very cute but subtle too and y'know i think that fits ghost pretty well.

the team is invited to a wedding - @rileyslibrary

✧ one thing about me: i love a wedding. and this fic right here? absolutely delivered. it's got everything: ghost, gaz cameo, a wedding, macarons. not to mention the A+ banter between ghost and reader, i love them and this fic so much.

happiness || white carnations - @lethal-chiralium

✧ happiness hurts in a way that leaves me somehow longing for more and i can't describe it any other way. i think keri is determined to figure out how many different ways she can break my heart with angst and fluff and i couldn't be more thankful.

circles and squares - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i know i gushed about this fic already, but i'm gonna do it again. the best way to describe my feelings about this is that i would dedicate an entire section of my bookshelf just for jo's writing. the way she perfectly balances the differences between ghost and simon. the way he's stern and struggles, but doesn't lose his snark. the way he and reader support each other while still respecting each other and they're need for space. i'm so weak for this fic.

on the edge of the universe - @kil-g

✧ it's the world-building for me. it's the captivating atmosphere for me. there's just something so beautifully haunting here, and i am desperately clinging to every little piece of it. like i'm already feral for everything isa writes, and this is another excellent addition to the collection.

civ!reader kills someone out of self defense for the first time - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ had me hooked from the opening line and man was i on edge the rest of the time. i was panicking right there alongside reader, and the portrayal of her confusion and fear and anxiety was so well done. and ghost coming in to comfort her?? i was crying. so unbelievably good.

badly wrapped secrets - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i just-

"Thank you, for all of this.

He nods—short, and full of understanding, as well as signalling: you’re welcome."

i love them so much 😭

blood was its avatar - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i was fighting for my life trying to read this without blushing like a sinner in church and ended up looking something like this-

and i damn near cackled like a witch at that ending LMAO

the roommate series || lover boy - @a-small-writer-in-a-big-world

✧ i knew nothing about this series going on and when i tell you i read through it with a swiftness. my skin is clear, my knees are weak, my livestock is fed. this fic (this whole series tbh) has reached in and wrapped around my heart in the best possible way.

illicit indulgences || the ghost of you - @floralpascal

✧ i am screaming. this is so...i don't know the right word. beautiful? stunning? gorgeous? all of the above? the captivating description of loneliness, the way ella manages to capture the stubbornness of ghost missing someone but refusing to admit to himself that he does. they're so perfect and in love and i'm just alskdaj

can you imagine someone threatening you - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ you ever hear that phrase, so nice you reblog it twice? well i have, cause that's exactly what i did with this fic. it's the least i could do for the pure artistry of this fic. i love reader here, being so confident and capable and ghost being completely infatuated by her ability and so ready to kill anyone who disrespects her.

Valeria Garza

10 years too late on that, love - @writeforfandoms

✧ hello???? this was incredible???? i am??? slightly intimidated???? and in love??? with both valeria because she's mommy and with jen because she's such a wonderful writer and i am in awe of her talent.

[azures-bazar]

Hiiiiii ! ❤️ I love your soft!Arthur one shots and was wondering if you could eventually write about female!reader comforting Arthur after a meltdown or something ! Like he had a very bad day or he just feels bad and cries and all but is too ashamed to show he's sad ! thx !!

Angel’s Tears 

Hey there anon, thank you for your request ! It means a lot &lt;3 I love writing sad stuff (don't ask why, it's my cup of tea), and soft/sad Arthur is a part of my fav subjects lol

I'm sorry if it took me so long, I got really busy with my job and my free time is mostly consisting in me resting while playing Cyberpunk 2077 lol. Having a new graphic card helps a lot.

I hope you'll like it despite these awful mistakes I've made !

Arthur Morgan x Female!Reader 

Word count : 2.6k

Short summary : Arthur has been gone for three days and just came back after a dramatic set of events. You don’t want to leave him alone, so you’re taking him out for more privacy.

Warnings : mentions of torture and death

Tags : Chapter 3, Arthur is broken, angel tears, mentions of Isaac Morgan, you are Arthur’s treasure, soft boah, tears and kisses, some fluff, cute

It had been three days. Arthur had been gone for three days. This felt common for almost everyone around camp, but you genuinely thought he had been gone for weeks. You were used to have him wait for you by your tent every morning, sometimes passing his head between its flaps with a large smile. You loved being close to him when he was around camp, or when he was taking you to town. It was no secret for anyone that you had a little something for him, especially not to Mary-Beth. She had been quick to talk about this to Tilly, who told Karen, who then told Sean… who shouted about it all day long. That day, you wanted to dig a hole in the ground and never come out of it. 

As far as you could recall, Arthur had spent his entire day blushing anytime your eyes would meet his. What a sweet thing you were, right here, probably loving him as much as he loved you ! Arthur was not good as talking about what he felt, but something you were sure about was the reciprocity of your feelings. You could easily tell he was sweet on you by the very beautiful look he was giving you, by his bright smile whenever he was seeing you after being gone for some time, by his overall attitude. What made him fall for you was the night you fell asleep with your head on his shoulder while listening to Javier’s ballads. He had carried you to your tent and did not let go all night long, appreciating the way you clung onto him, still leaving by the morning before anyone would spot him. 

His absence was noticeable, days felt rather dull whenever he was not waiting by your tent in the morning like he usually did. While you were on guard duty, you did your best to focus on the surroundings rather than think about him and feel this void surrounding you. You missed his embrace, his overall presence around camp. Even if Sean wanted to fill this emptiness by… forcing you into hugs you did not like, you counted each hour separating you from Arthur’s return, notting them on a paper in order to be more prepared for the next time. You knew he would most likely bring you something from his travels, or maybe not. You did not care, you just wanted him back at this point. 

"Guess who’s back !" Karen shouted from the camp’s entrance 

You were cleaning your riffle with Charles as you spotted Arthur coming back to camp. You calmly placed your riffle aside and approached him, noticing how pale Arthur was, how shocked he seemed to be, how much blood covered his shirt. He barely smiled at you, giving you a soft kiss on the forehead before taking a wad of cash from his satchel and moving straight to Dutch’s tent to give it to him before quickly heading to the water to wash himself before Ms. Grimshaw would force him to do so. As you watched him pass by Javier without saying a word, you understood he did not want to be bothered, leading you to swallow your desire for an embrace and head back to your riffle-cleaning. You knew Arthur did not like being bothered and wanted to give some space. 

"Looks like he's not alright." Charles noted, glancing at Arthur who was cleaning his shirt 

"I’ll let him cool down a bit." you answered, nervously rubbing your riffle’s trigger. "You know how he is when he’s not in the mood."

"Yes, but I guess you should do something anyway. Leaving Arthur like this ain’t a good idea, that’s for sure." 

You nodded at Charles' advice, taking a few more minutes to finish your chore before carefully walking to Arthur who was now sitting on his cot in a brand new shirt and a pair of clean trousers, staring into space without noticing you were actually standing right before him. You cleared your throat a little, not daring to touch him just yet. You knew how unpredictable Arthur’s reactions could be whenever he was lost in his thoughts and dragged back to reality, you had seen him slap Bill one day as he was just trying to catch his attention. 

"Excuse me, Arthur." you said 

Morgan gently turned his head to you, a sweet smile bloomed on his pale and haggard face. You felt something was wrong with him by the way his eyes spoke to you, filled with emptiness and melancholy. You had no idea about what Arthur had been up to, but the blood that was covering his him when he came back to camp made you supposed he got into a brawl, or maybe worse. Much worse. Arthur was a tough man, believing brawls were actually quite enjoyable when you had the advantage over the situation. You strongly believed something bad had happened. 

"I’m heading to town." you restarted, crossing your hands behind your back. "Would you like to join me ?" 

"I just came back to camp, Y/N." Arthur smirked. "I don’t think Dutch would allow that." 

"Don’t worry, he will allow you to spend some time with me at the saloon. C’mon, let’s go !"

"Errr… Fine."

Arthur rolled eyes and grumbled as he stood up. Since the day you got inducted into the gang, anyone could notice he could hardly say no to you. Your mesmerising eyes and adorable face never helped him. He would have brought you the moon on a silver plate if he could. He always found himself scrambling to make you happy, and could obviously not refuse leaving camp with you. Even if he had just come back from a three days long journey, he genuinely believed a moment with you could make him feel better instead of hiding his frustration, sadness and overall exhaustion behind his tent flaps. 

You quickly headed to Dutch to tell him you were taking his boy out to town. Surprisingly enough, Van der Linde agreed and even gave you enough money to spend on a room and a bath at the saloon. Dutch had seen Arthur’s overall mood when he gave him the money he had collected and had felt quite worried about him. Arthur’s empty eyes and tense expression had reminded him of the one he had years ago, following his return from Eliza’s house after finding out that she and his son Isaac were dead. He knew his boy would probably feel better with you as he was aware of your natural ease to work him. Dutch gave you some food as well, believing Arthur should be hungry after his travels. 

"Sure, sweet girl." Dutch told you. "Make sure not to get into trouble."

Unexpectedly, Arthur insisted on riding your horse, believing his one needed some rest as much as he himself did. He left them to Kieran’s care as he climbed on your silver Turkoman, helping you up and placing you before him. One of his hands rested on your waist as the other one carefully held onto the bridle, he led you out of the hideout.

"Let's go, m'lady." he told you

Your short journey to Rhodes was rather quiet as Arthur did not speak at all, making you feel awkward, if not even uncomfortable. At the saloon, you quickly ordered some food at the counter while renting a room and a bath before heading straight to the bedroom, locking the door behind you. 

"What happened, Arthur ?" you asked 

"Some shit." Morgan responded without meeting your eyes, taking his boots off. "Nothing to worry ‘bout." 

"You were covered in blood, Arthur. I know you’re tough, but that look on your face… what happened ?" 

Arthur looked up and bit his lower lip, calmly breathing before sitting down. You approached him and sat beside him, placing your hand on his back. It made him shiver, any time you touched him felt like a treasure for Arthur. He sighed, understanding he could not get away with it, believing talking to you would make things better. 

"While I was ridin’ in Roanoke, spotted some Murfrees torturing a couple of hostages." he whispered. "Poor feller had his four limbs broken, I guess. His wife died before me. I tried stopping them, and then I spotted a lil’ boy nearby… heard his pa’ saying « Alexander », I guess that was his name."

Tears started streaming down his cheeks as soon as he mentioned the presence of the child. You kept listening to him, being somewhat aware that the worst had happened to this poor family. Judging by Arthur’s attitude and sudden sadness, you could easily guess about their demise. You had known about Arthur’s son during a random talk you had with him, you could only imagine how terrible it must have been for him to witness the Murfree’s torture on a family. 

"As I tried killin’ these damn Murfrees, one of them got out and took the child as the feller died beggin' me to find his son." Arthur hiccuped. "I tried runnin’ after them… looked for the kid for hours. Found his body at the bottom of a hill." 

Arthur quickly rubbed his eyes while bitting his lower lip. His hands clung onto his legs as you ran your fingers across his back. Witnessing the body of a child deeply broke him as he transposed the image of Isaac on him. On a boy who would have been about his son’s age by his death. 

"I could have done somethin’, Y/N…" he grumbled, turning his head to you. "I could've done somethin’… if only I had been here earlier… m-maybe…"

"You couldn’t have done anything." 

"I… I could have…"

"It’s alright, Arthur. It’s alright." 

You were heartbroken after hearing his distraught, his pain. There were no words to describe how bad you felt when you met his devastated gaze, tears streaming on his reddish cheeks, his wobbling lower lip. Your hand made its way through his hair, you played with it as Arthur buried his head against your shoulder. You passed your hand on his cheek, causing him to catch it while crying. It made you shiver a little, but you did not mind. In fact, you appreciated his complete trust, knowing he would have never spoken this way to anyone else but you. 

"I'm sorry, darlin'." Arthur sobbed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

He wanted to feel your touch, he needed it. He needed you more than anything at this moment, and no words came out of his mouth to express his pain. He firmly held your hand on his cheek, letting out a few sobs as you carefully kissed the top of his head. Your other hand made its way to his shoulder, you left your thumbs rub it without bothering about what was surrounding you. Nothing else mattered but Arthur, nothing else. 

Poor man sobbed for long minutes while you kissed his temple at times, watching the sun go down through your window. You did not dare saying a word, believing it would break Arthur into pieces. Just a word and your favourite cowboy would probably collapse into your embrace, so you remained silent and allowed him to cry on your shoulder, rocking him back and forth at some point before he slowly moved away from, looking into your eyes with a soft smile. 

"Thank you, sweetheart." he whispered 

"Don’t thank me." you smiled. "I couldn’t leave you like that." 

"You’re a real treasure, you know that ?" 

You shrugged a little, your smile got wider. Arthur had told you a few times that your sole existence was one of his biggest treasures. He could not describe how safe he felt with you, how much your smile could make all the troubles go away in a mere second. You were one of the last pillars of his life, and he was quick to show it whenever you were with him. From embraces to two or three quick kisses on your lips, Arthur knew how to make you feel special.

As you were about to kiss his forehead one more time, Arthur quickly rose to change your target. Your lips landed on his instead, causing you to blush as he gently opened his mouth to make it last longer. You calmly took his face between your hands, keeping his head close to yours for a short while until moving back a little. Your bright smile made him blush, despite his darker shade was hard to notice due to the overall lightning in the room. 

"Yeah, you’re a treasure." Arthur said. "My beautiful treasure." 

"You’re going to make me blush." you chuckled 

"I’d love to, girl. I’d love to." 

The two of you talked for a long while up until a prostitute brought you some food on a plate, carefully placing it on your bedside table. Instead of allowing Arthur to take care of you as he usually did, you believed Morgan needed some rest and that you had to pay him back. You ate with him, listened to him talk about his discoveries, about these wild animals he had the opportunity to draw, about the overall strange ambiance he felt while travelling around Roanoke Ridge, being thankful the gang didn't settle there. He had brought you a beautiful emerald he had found somewhere near an old house, hidden in a crate. 

"It ain’t much, but I really thought you’d like it." he smiled. "I wanted to go to a jeweller and make a ring out of it, but ain’t got no time."

"It’s amazing, Arthur !" you praised him. "It’s a god damn emerald ! Of course I love it !"

"Just… don’t tell Dutch I gave you an emerald, right ? He'll get mad."

"I won’t tell anyone."

You watched Arthur eat his whole plate of fried fish so fast that you barely had time to start eating yours. You felt lucky Dutch had given you some more food, Arthur was hungry. He ate some bread, some of your vegetables and the two apples you had brought with you. Then, you dragged him to the bathroom, carefully undressing him as he looked at you with wide opened eyes. You had never seen him naked before, but did not care at all. In fact, it was even pleasant to see !

"Get in there so I can wash you." you said, placing your hands on your hips

"I ain’t a child, Y/N." Arthur said as he sat down in the bathtub 

"You sure ain’t. Just relax and lemme help you." 

Arthur shrugged as you started massaging his broad shoulders. He loudly moaned as you reached his neck, he absolutely adored having you press your hands on it. As far as he could remember, Arthur had always loved taking care of you. He loved staying by your bed when something was wrong or when you felt bad, he had helped you bathe following Blackwater’s botched heist to which you had participated and were traumatised for days. Arthur loved having you under his watch, having you doing the same for him was unusual, but worth it. He could breathe, he could forget.

It took him a few minutes to doze off. His soft snore made you smile as you dried your hands, sitting by the bathtub to look at him. What a handsome feller you had here ! His long eyelashes were quick to make many women jealous of him, it gave him a rather angelic look. Who would have thought that this tall and brawny man, his face wet with all these angel’s tears which had streamed on his cheeks, was an outlaw ? A man who had killed people, who had beaten some of them up ? Who would have thought that a man with such puppy eyes had blood on his hands ? 

"Ain’t you a handsome man…" you smiled 

The lack of response from Arthur’s part was no surprise. You watched him sleep, surrounded with this faint steam and soap bubbles, his eyes moving beneath his eyelids. You could not help but smile at this beautiful sight, you adored it. It was worth it, having Arthur rest like this was worth it. You knew he deserved it, you genuinely wanted him to be alright. And, that night, your presence healed his poor soul. You were everything for him, a reason to keep going.

You were his treasure. 

[metaphoricgibberish]

Hi, it’s the annoying Bay Area anon again.

I come with a question more in tune with your blog this time. I’m kind of new to the fandom and was wondering if you could link me to some fic recs. Trying to go through ao3 and tumblr is overwhelming af and I really enjoyed your fics so I’m trusting your judgement lol

if you don't stop calling yourself terrible, undeserving names i will drive out to berkeley right now!

absolutely, of course, i would love to! first and foremost i must mention though, i am a very busy lady and i don't read half the amount of fics i would like to, so this list is just going to be off the top of my head, fics that have stuck with me and/or absolutely wrecked me, but i try to reblog stuff as i read it as well so keep an eye out for that.

Literally anything by @netherfeildren - Vic is an actual genius wordsmith and i worship the ground she walks on probably to a degree that freaks her out. you can't go wrong with any of her fics. Pink and Fear of God are my person favs tho.

Your Summer Dream by @swiftispunk - absolutely incredible, vacation!joel AU that i'm so obsessed with that i check daily like a madwoman for updates.

Lavender and Halcyon by @justagalwhowrites - Lavender is completed and probably thee quintessential Joel fic. Halcyon is a no breakout AU that i just started reading and also check for updates like a woman starved.

everything written by @the-ginger-hedge-witch - her series (which she's turning into a book because she's brilliant) Crush, is what made me start writing my first Javier Peña fic. Highly recommend her Joel boxer AU fic called Breakout.

Rough Day by @no-droids - obviously. this is probably the most famous fanfic the entire pedro fandom has. incredible work, everyone knows that.

Of Constellations & Creeds on AO3 - idk if this author has a tumblr, i read this ages ago and i don't think it was ever finished, but it is so fucking good, Mando a/b/o dynamics. i think about this fic more than i should.

forever is the sweetest con on AO3 - also unsure if this author has a tumblr (please if anyone sees this and knows any of the authors for the fics i've left untagged let me know) but i think i've read this fic like 20 times. reader is the daughter of a prepper, Joel and Tommy stubble into town and he's immediately smitten by her. takes place over several years. angst is so fucking good, and a wonderful payoff.

okay that's all off the top of my head, but there's thousands more that are incredible and amazing. i try to reblog things as i read, so just scroll through my blog for more recs!

hope you're doing well! i know it's quite a dreary week in the bay right now, hoping to see some sun soon!

[beefrobeefcal]

fic author self rec

rules: when you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 🤍

thank you @iamasaddie & @sydneyinacoma for the tag! 💜🥩💜

it's hard as hell for me to choose but i will do my darndiddily arndest! None of these will be surprising... 👌🥩💜

so here it is in no particular order:

The Catfish & The Mouse - Chubby!Frankie Morales & F!Reader

The thing that started it all! I have a soft spot for this bc it's what thrust me from being a spectator to an active participant in the fic writing world. Even though I have my wish list for changes I would make to this, I don't think I will touch it (at least for the foreseeable future) bc it's so dear to me.

Baby's Got a Temper - Chubby!Frankie Morales & F!Reader One Shot

This def takes the top spot for my fav C!FxM one shots. This one was the first one I had a lot of fun writing. I loved the prompt, I loved the way it fell out of me, I loved the reception. I feel like I hit a good groove with this piece.

The Way to a Man's Heart - Chubby!Joel Miller & F!Reader

I have said this before, but I was so nervous about this one. Joel already has a heavy duty, ironclad canon with a fairly solid reputation in the fic world for being a dom!daddy big meanie pants (sometimes with a heart of gold) that can leave little to find new grounds in. While I don't think that I broke new ground with a softer Jackson-era Joel, I was pleased with how Chubby!Joel rolled out. Credit to Hozier’s newest album that I played on repeat while writing this for the softy Joel vibes.

An HR Nightmare - Chubby!Javier Peña x F!Reader

What else is there to say about the Bistro's gumpy done-with-this-shit narco buster? i loved writing this. And being a Peña girlie, when the prompts rolled in, I couldn't deny the call. Even though I wasn't 100% sure the fic would fly, the response warmed my cold beef heart and made me feel more confident in my choices. Also, the request fom @toxicanonymity for an In Between the Scenes made it even more fun for me.

On the Waterfront - Dark!Frankie Morales x F!Reader (ongoing)

Truthfully, if you put me in a room with all my children fics and said to choose one, I'd choose OTWF. Couple of reasons: 1. I'm super proud of it. I felt like all the confidence and skill I had building up came to fruition in this one. While I would happily read all my fics if someone else wrote them, this is the one that I would be keeping calendar on for the updates (apologies to those keeping calendar for the updates). 2. (and arguably the more important one) @neverwheremoonchild -I have such admiration for them & feel so delighted for the brainstorming sessions we have had conjuring the plot. From the we-need-jesus all caps chats to the feral livedocs with endless notes & cry-laugh inducing comments... let's just say that OTWF is not about the journey, it's about the friends we make along the way.

NO PRESSURE TAGLIST: @theywhowriteandknowthings @neverwheremoonchild @rebel-held @xdaddysprincessxx @albertasunrise @avastrasposts @ghosmooth-operator ... and anyone else who wants to get in on it!

[nereidprinc3ss]

If ur gonna continue only writing for CM I wouldn't mind. I mostly like to see BAU!Spencer x nonBAU!reader, but I also like Professor!Spence. I may be the outlier here but prof!Spencer x TA/Student!reader is pretty boring for me lol. Now don't get me wrong I can DEVOUR an age gap fic from time to time, but those seem a bit over-written imo. Are you apart of any other fandoms and would you write for those on this blog? (totally not asking bc I'm in love with Peter Parker and have been craving stark!reader fics for months 👀)

ok unpopular opinion i'm not super into professor!spence x student reader either... i just think that man is way too ethical to even consider getting involved w one of his own students so its just not super believable for me

but omfg random uni student x spencer i could read/write FOREVER.... it just makes so much sense to me. he was a late bloomer and when ur as smart as he is age becomes so arbitrary, but i don't think he'd ever pursue someone BECAUSE they were younger than him yk? like he's not one of those 'get em while theyre young and easily manipulated' weirdos. in my vision for my fics he doesn't really think about the fact that he's older than his s/o, its just not that important to him and its not why he's attracted to them--so i don't really consider my uni!reader fics as "age gap" fics because even tho they technically are, bc its not really the focal point for me. but its my go-to bc im in university lol

as for other potential fandoms i'd write for, i tend to hyperfixate on one character at a time and get complete tunnel vision. for a while it was javier from narcos lmaoo and yes peter parker but spencer reid is by FAR my longest running fictional crush. maybe one day i'll diversify but for now this will likely remain a strictly criminal minds blog (but iron man is my fav superhero movie in case anyone wanted to know) (you didn't)

[creedslove]

Do you think he shaves his pubes? Or trims? Also, what do you think each character fav position is?

You mean Javi? I'm assuming it's Javi because of the last ask and well, we've already had an answer to both of these questions in certain episodes, also, praise the entire team narcos team behind cameras such as the director, the producers, the camera guys, the stylist because they were all as in love with pedro/javier as we are

Also, I'm not gonna add the gifs because I'm scared of my blog being flagged, but you know what I'm talking about hehehe

Joel Miller: I don't see Joel shaving or trimming his pubes, he's the kind of guy who doesn't get a haircut unless someone like his wife or Sarah tells him to because his curls have gone too wild, so if his partner aka you don't complain about it, he'll leave his pubes the way they are

As for position, I'm sure he likes the good old missionary and also for morning lazy sex he fucks you on your side

Agent Whiskey: Whiskey is the one I can't really make up my mind, I mean, on one hand, I believe he would shave it off, on the other hand, I believe he would have it perfectly trimmed, like his mustache, but if he trims is well, isn't it easier just to shave it? Idk I can't make up my mind

Also for position, we've already been given this gift by Kingsman, but when we talk about riding the cowboy, it's not only about riding his cock, it's his whole face, riding that mustache, his nose, his mouth and he also definitely likes reverse cowgirl too!!

Sorry anon, I don't have time to write more about the other Pedro characters now, so maybe later you can tell me which other you'd like to know ❤️

[maskedteaser]

hii i just saw the rdr2 matchups you did and i love them AND HOLY SHIT APEX FAN‼️‼️ i love how detailed you are!! love your writing!! so if ur not too overwhelmed with requests id like to make one :3 and honestly if ur doing matchups for apex id love that too there's so little apex ffs, especially x reader </3 no pressure tho!!

anyways as for me. uhh. i don't use labels (aside from being asexual) but am pretty masculine in gender, and my love is for any gender. my pronouns are he/him :3

more about me,, im vegetarian, my favorite animal is the octopus, im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep (literally writing this at 10 am after not being able to sleep all night) but despite that i have a weird paradox where i am kinda strong? like i can pick ppl up. but can't have much activity for a long time lest i cast spell 200 bpm on myself. but for the sake of the ff i could totally bench press arthur morgans 180lb of pure muscle. its true <3

in apex i main wattson and bloodhound! but i also like crypto, octane ofc (who doesn't), loba, and... im sorry.. wraith 😭 i got wattsons heirloom after. a very long time of opening packs AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH no regrets!! french girl with giant nessie plush!!!!! tho i haven't played in forever (and honestly may keep it that way with how much they're nerfing bloodhound.. like.. c'mon man.. not my main.. they've already been nerfed so much 😭)

i recently started playing rdr2 cause im visiting family that has it (theres actually been a lot of funny stories being on an unfamiliar console, like playing 22+ hours and reaching chap 2 without knowing how to save.. and i didnt know how to tell arthurs weight so i kept him underweight for so long my poor starving man </3) after playing rdr1 quite a bit. i also vibed with john hard in 1 but i lowkey thought he was an angsty young adult in rdr2 and not a FATHER. my favs are arthur and javier tho i can barely see the latter cause where tf is he on the map?? same with charles where IS HE??? but anyways i also vibe so hard with kieran.

tho i could talk forever about my interests, other than that for personality: id describe myself as actually kinda confident around strangers, i love to compliment ppl i come across. for friends, much of the same, i like using improv as humor if that makes sense, ive been told im easy to talk to, i consider myself intuitive (also contributed to me being a tarot reader i believe), but i am the type to have a veeerryy hard time expressing negative feelings im having, and never crying in front of people, so no shortage of bottling emotions. im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. i really, really care about people (i would want to be a paramedic!! if my body could allow it..) and i so want to make peoples lives better!! but also can rather easily stop people from walking over me, should they try. i care about kids a lot, and get very peeved when other ppl dont know how kids brains work and mistreat them because of such, and cause they just have no respect for children. honestly with thinking like.. about formulating matchmaking requests i never really seem to think about what id want out of a person. honestly, just when someone cares (wow, such high standards) but should the time come, mmmost times im not afraid to make a selfish ask. most. maybe. sometimes. and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue.

for hobbies, i like to play video games as you may have guessed, i also like to read (non fiction, classic lit and danmeis especially), make art of all kinds but mainly physical sketches, and im always looking to add more shows/movies to my watched list.

i love to visit restaurants and cafes and interesting places surrounding food!!! my idea of a good time is eating with people, even if its in a crappy chuck e cheese. i love to try new foods (but it's a bit hard since becoming vegetarian), and i love matcha! i also love visiting just interesting places in general. why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? but other than that, i love my dedicated space 💗

i dont like rude people. mean people. people mean to kids and animals. bigots. assholes. any synonym for that. but honestly, not much else. there are other things that sure tick me off but can be pretty easily taken care of or compromised for.

i hope i didnt write a damn essay. half of it was geeking out over interests but. im guessing the brainrot is shared. but thank you so much for even reading my request this far!! (*˘︶˘*)

hii! sure thing! i love doing matchups especially when you guys give me lots of details :) let's get to it :) THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD!!! I'M REALLY SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES!!!

okay, first things first - let me tell you why I didn't choose other characters :)

❝ im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep ❞

Well, I need to be honest with you, I believe that despite your strenght, REVENANT would just make fun of your disability, he would NOT care at all, he'd probably pick on you and be REALLY rude. I hope it's not offensive (i'm sorry if i'm insensitive, it's not my intention), but I know he'd want to offend you. You could actually have a good hate-ship (if you know what i mean), where the only thing you guys do is fight with each other but I don't think that's what you want.

❝ im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. ❞

I'm sorry, have you seen OCTANE'S room? Let me remind you of that...

Can you see what is happening on his floor? This guy would probably drive you insane with how messy he is and I know he wouldn't care if you tried to ask him to clean it up... It would probably lead to many arguments and fights between you :(

❝and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue. ❞

I have this feeling that Loba would see you as an easy target to manipulate, she'd think that she could use you after seeing that you feel really bad when someone feels bad, so she'd probably talk about her past a lot around you - trying to make you feel like you need to help her with everything. I doubt that it could work out :( I hope you see my vision and I'm not weirdly delusional with my ideas.

BUT NOW FOR A RESULT... (NGL I HAD A BIG PROBLEM WITH THIS ONE SINCE YOU SEEM TO BE A GOOD MATCH FOR AT LEAST 2 LEGENDS, BUT I DECIDED TO PICK...)

VANTAGE

I feel like you and Vantage could have a really good relationship! You both seem to aim high with your ideals and I just think that you both are really empathetic, a little bit emotional even... You share the love for animals. She has her Echo and she'd probably die for him. Vantage would never let any animal be mistreated when she's watching.

" why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? " - I think she thinks exactly the same! She seems to be a big fan of nature and she is an explorer. Born on a cold planet where everything wanted to kill her, she knows that nature can both be beautiful and deadly. She is also really nice, and I think that when she gets closer to someone, she actually CARES, like...A LOT. You'd probably be treated really well. I think that Vantage would be really patient when it comes to you and expressing your feelings, she'd never let you just walk away if she saw that you were upset, I think that communication and trust is a priority in every relationship.

She'd listen to you when you tell her that you have chronic pain and she'd do exactly the things you ask her to do, always trying her best to help you and she'd make sure you're not pushing yourself too hard.

Thank you for reading 👽👽👽

[thesummerpetrichor]

What made you love Javi this much? I mean, same. Out of all characters Pedro played he is my fav <33

Thank you so much for your question- I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond.

I honestly couldn’t tell you! He’s obviously a very well written character- I think Pedro did a really good job mediating between the writers and audience, and you really get a sense that Javi is a fully fleshed out, well thought through character and I really appreciate that. There’s a lot of aspects of his personality that I enjoy- generally and for writing fic. I think there’s a lot to play with concerning his emotional unavailability, the intimate nature of his work relationships and just what a grumpy old man he is. Also he is just so aesthetically appealing. I love his style and his vibe. I think a rather inarticulate answer to this question is that I love Javiers whole vibe. He’s my dream fantasy man (as horrid as that sounds, and of course sans the whole narc/cop thing lmao)

He’s my perfect, slutty old man.

Thanks so much for this lovely, thoughtful question. I hope this answer was even a little bit satisfactory lmao!! Thanks so much for reading and engaging with my work 💗🐝.

[daryldixonsjizzrag]

Random modern John Marston hcs and also things I think he'd like (might add more tmmr) some Javier x John stuff (fluff) is mentioned so just keep scrolling if u don't like that - He LOVES canned cheese. Like the American whipped cream bullshit. Javier would constantly be screaming at him wondering where there's 5+ cans of cheese in the fridge. - Septum piercings. Javier gave him one. He cried a little but refused to admit it. When it healed the kissed once and somehow got their piercings stuck and had to figure out how to get them unstuck. - DRUM KITS!!!! That mf would be so loud on them. He got multiple noise complaints from the neighbours but seriously didn't give a shit (he also watched hop as a kid and that's partially what got him his interest in drums and rock and stuff). - Alternative rock. The amount of times Javier hasn't been able to sleep because he could hear "I WATCHED A CHAAAAAAANGE IN YOUUUUUUU" Being screamed by John is just way too many to count. His fav band would definitely be Deftones. He usually entirely ignores the lyrics and only pays attention to them when he's blasting the music in public, realising how fucked they can be and changes the song to the cocomelon theme or smth idk. More under the cut

- Weed. It's self explanatory. - His childhood comfort character was probably Scooby-Doo. He also really liked Shaggy and as he got older grew a theory that Shaggy was hiding a bong somewhere in that van (It's so canon don't lie). - HE WAS A MYSPACE EMO EVERYONE!!!!! - Looked up porn on a school library laptop once because he was dared to. Deeply regretted it. But he didn't????? Idk I'm very sleep deprived. - He either wears amazingly tight skinny jeans like the shit all male teachers wear or the baggiest pants to ever exist in the history of clothing. No in between. - Javier took him to a emo/goth shop once. Probably ALT CVLT was the first goth shop John ever went to. He got some pants, one of those weird chain harness things and a rat skull. I'm absolutely losing it rn and I think at some point I just started writing shit ab myself but 😜 OH WELL /hj. Below are just some random thoughts I have about him from time to time he looks like a wet kitten. it's very cute. Even though his hair is greasy af. woah I just blinked and had this vision of John with like really skinny legs that was enlightening. I think about him alot. like alot alot. I cried whilst looking at pixel him earlier this morning. I was simply just riding to armadillo and started crying because he makes me IMPLODE with serotonin. I subconsciously changed my sleeping schedule to match his pls help. I could put all this in the tags but NO. My brain doesn't want that. I'm only getting 6 hours of sleep per night and I feel like I'm going to die.

[lloydfrontera]

at first I lovedddd the webcomic, it's my favourite webcomic of all time. Sometimes I felt like things were rushed (cough cough.. bone dragon arc...) And just seemed off in the story, like it wasn't even meant to be in it but I didn't mind it bc I liked the silliness and lightheartedness of the story until I read the q&a. I was so thrown off by how "rude" the artist seemed and when it got to the point where someone asked about all the changes that's when I was like "changes? You mean they changed a few things about the story from the original novel?". I then started digging around and that's when I found ur blogs and wow, the whole story changed perspectives for me. After reading more and more I found out exactly how complex Lloyds character is and his relationship with other characters and the whole "Javiers hair is mint green cuz silver is hard to draw" as a just beginner artist I thought was very stupid. I tried reading the novel after finding out how much was actually changed and how the novel is more complex and filled out than the novel but I'm too small brained and trying to read something with mostly words makes my head actually spin and lose interest (which is why I only read the adaptations of stuff a d never the novels) . I find it quite sad actually bc at first when we got introduced to og Lloyd in the newest chapter I instantly fell in love with him because I like his type of character and I find him very relatable, always blaming others (even tho I know I'm wrong), making excuses, violent behaviour, actually somewhat caring about things but mostly not really and using alcohol (for me it's daydreaming) as a way to escape. Or at least that's how I see him in the webcomic and yeah that's why I find him very relatable. I love him so much even more than Kim (y'all don't attack me for this T^T) but after reading ur blog about him and realising he's completely different and much more whiny and shitty in the novel I'm just like "aw man, my fav character that most people hate is actually supposed to be a absolute bitch with no good or relatable thing about him(I still love webcomic him tho)" . I'm very disappointed with the webcomic now honestly and would love to read the novel but again I just literally can't read only words (if u have any suggestions on how to make it easier and more interesting to read novels wiithout literally having to bang my head on my table because of all the words and no pictures that would be really great!! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

Wait now that I'm reading this I realised I went completely off course and just saying stuff about myself , I understand if ya don't reply or have anything to say cuz honestly neither would I T^T

sorry it took me so long to reply!

you are so valid nonnie i appreciate you took me along your journey <3

as for ways to read novels more easily! mmhh personally i've never really struggled with binge reading, so take my words with a grain of salt, but i've heard doing it in small chunks helps! you don't have to rush through a novel, you can do it at your pace. maybe you can liveblog it, point out stuff you like or made you laugh or just notice while you read. tged specifically has a lot of chapters but most of them hover around the 2.5-2.7k word count, so you can read one chapter at a time without getting to overwhelmed. the writing style is very simple, has constant breaks and also it does have illustrations for every chapter! if that helps!

if you can do it, maybe also changing the font or the spacing can help. personally i like clear fonts without too much embellishments and 1.15 spacing, but you can experiment until you find a font that you can read easily.

i hope some of this is useful, like i said, not really my area of expertise but i really hope you can enjoy the novel! it's really good and i think you'll have a lot of fun reading it if you enjoyed the webcomic as it is!

[bullet-prooflove]

Ok tough question but life is full of tough choices!! If you had to cut 5 people from your writing list who would it be??

Omg this is so incredibly hard!!! I love them all but I know I so play favs!

Ok so the reason I picked these guys is because I don't get a lot of requests for them so havent had the opportunity to flesh out my version of the chars hence why there aren't many fics to their name from me.

Sweet, sweet Josh Folsom from CSI Vegas. I want to develop him so much but no prompts.

Grace Muncy - I love her so much in the series but I dont think I am a particularly strong writer for her.

Javier Peña - Narcos - I see so many excellent fics for him, done by amazing writers I don't feel like I have much to add

Bucky Barnes - I dont get any requests for him and I just feel like maybe were not compatible writing wise.

Tim Speedle - my OG fan fic man! I just feel that I havent had the prompts to explore him as much as I would have wanted to.