#jason and suicidal ideation

[disniq]

Oh dang these Talon Labyrinth hallucinations are getting real personal real fast

I don't know which is worse; that this is what GK Jason thinks Bruce thinks of him, or that comics Bruce *has* said this to comics Jason (rhato #25 I'm looking at you)

I'm fine, this is fine

Fuck, no, it's not fine

+ bonus screenshot for my own personal Jason and suicide ideation agenda:

[sunlitlemonade]

so. uh. surprising thing about jason, who might be one of the most inconsistently written characters ever, is the fact that one trait about him has remained constant throughout different eras, reboots and even an elseworld. no, it's not his thighs tho that would be a very good guess.

it's his suicidal ideation. yeah.

[here's me screaming about the fact that he feels like a phantom that has outlived its purpose of haunting in detail if you're interested]

[arrowheadedbitch]

Jason: Hey, Tim, your the only one here who hasn't died before, fuckin' loser

Tim: Not for a lack of trying..

Jason:

Jason: what

[creekfiend]

one of those days

[batfam-fanfics]

straight on 'til morning by mindshelter

2/4 Chapters - 18664 words

Kon whistles at his first glimpse into Tim’s living room, grinning with teeth when Tim reflexively rolls his eyes. “Sweet digs, dude,” he singsongs. “Love what you’ve done to the place.”

“I said,” Tim hisses, even as he slides the balcony door open to let Kon inside, “what are you doing here—”

Kon shrugs, peeling his jacket off. If I left it up to you, buddy, he doesn’t say, I’d see you once in a blue moon. “Couldn’t sleep. Gotta say, the empty Gatorade bottles really give this place personality.”

“Like you’re one to talk. I’ve seen your room,” Tim snipes back. “And I actually need the electrolytes. What’s your excuse?”

or;

on a whim, kon pays tim's gotham apartment a late night visit. and then he visits again.

and again, and again.

[jankwritten]

Jasico Bingo Challenge: love letter

A sheet of paper, folded into thirds, dotted in places with what must be water and grass stains. The handwriting is legible in some places, and shaky in others. In the margins are small doodles of birds, clouds, trees, and other miscellaneous, abstract shapes, as if the writer’s mind kept wandering. 

TO: Nico di Angelo 

FROM: Jason Grace 

Hey, Nico. If you’re reading this, something probably happened to me. Maybe I hit my head again and lost my memories, or something, and you went through my stuff to try and find things to remind me of who I was. Maybe this fell out while we were hanging out, one day, and you saw it was addressed to you and you picked it up. Maybe I died—

However you found this, I guess, surprise! :) 

First thing’s first: I’m sorry for leaving. I know I begged you to stay, and then turned around and left, and I really hope you understand - I didn’t leave because of you. I needed to find Leo, and leaving with Piper was the easiest way to do that. I had to try and get him back. 

I wanted you to come with, but you were still healing and things were going really well with you and Will. I hope things still are, in fact. Wherever I am, I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come, and how much I’m sure you continued to grow even after I left. 

I really love you, man. I never got to tell you that, but you’re one of my best, closest friends. You mean so much to me. You showed me a side of the world that I never would’ve seen otherwise, and gave me a space to be myself, and I will never, ever know how I deserved that. How I deserve you. 

Is that out of left field? Haha it definitely is. Sorry. 

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Nico. I didn’t want to leave. I’m so sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry I had to go and I’m sorry it had to be me, but it couldn’t be her, Nico, it can’t be her, it can’t be. It has to be me. 

It has to be. 

Here, some of the words are smeared from the water marks. Lines cross through some words that have then been re-written, as if in after-thought the author realized they were too important to delete. 

If you really are reading this, after the worst case scenario, I understand if you’re angry. I understand if you never want to think about me again, after what I’ve done. I’ll understand if you storm to your father’s palace and demand I be placed in the worst of the worst punishments for being so stupid. 

Gods. Gods, Nico, I’m never going to get to tell you how I really feel. About all of this, about everything I’m going through, I’m never going to be able to tell you and that hurts. It hurts more than knowing I’m going to die, it hurts more than getting stabbed and poisoned. I’m going to die loving you and you won’t even know until it’s too late. 

Maybe this is a stupid bad idea. Maybe I should let it die with me. Is it cruel, to tell you how I feel if I’m gone? Does this make me an awful person? 

Shit. I think I’m an awful person, Nico. I’m awful and I’m selfish and I can never choose things for myself, it always has to be for the greater good, so this is it. This is as selfish as I can be. This is all I can be for you. 

I want to see you on the other side. I want you to punch me for getting myself killed and hate me for being a hero and I want you to know that I didn’t want this but it needed to be me. It has to be me. 

I’m still wrapping my head around it, but it has to be me, okay? So if I’m really gone when you’re reading this, okay, you have to let me stay gone. Please. If you get hurt, if you die, and it’s my fault, I could never— 

Here, the letter abruptly stops. Then, it continues: 

That’s all I wanted to say, anyway. That I love you. I love you in any way I can, and even if I’ve done it silently, and stupidly, from a distance, just know that it was there, the whole time. It’s still there, wherever I am. Dead, or lost, or whatever. I love you, Nico. I’m sorry.

-- Jason Grace :)

[blackbatcass]

this is me and greta @mysterycitrus rn

[chriscrosswallflower-blog]

In this chapter, we get the backstory of why Jason chose to die.

Buckle in everyone, this one's rough. TW for strong suicidal ideation. Check out the end notes for a brief summary of this is triggering or if you want more info before reading.

I will probably follow up with a more in depth explanation of this head canon soon but my ask box is open if you have questions!

[disniq]

Thinking about this panel

in relation to this one

[zoi-no-miko]

Jason Flemyng in George Romero's Bruiser

(Pls. excuse my ginger thirst)

[sunlitlemonade]

hold me before it gets too cold by sunlitlemonade

where i talk abt jason's suicidal ideation and trust issues

snippet:-

[“Does it hurt?”

Jason’s eyes snap open and he realises what he must look like with eyes squeezed shut and hands gripping the sink hard enough to make veins stand out. He relaxes his hands and snarls, “I’m not fucking fragile.”

But of course it hurts, the fact that this is temporary. Temporary because Jason always fucks up. Temporary because a sun and a black hole cannot co-exist side to side.

Dick frowns lightly, splays a rough, warm [always so fucking warm] palm over his back and stays silent for a moment. The pause stretches on, the heaviness in it making Jason itch. Finally, he says, completely oblivious to the turmoil inside his head, “Doesn’t mean I should be rough with you.”

And something about that feels like a gut-punch. His father saw a kid, small and trusting, and did not hesitate to grab his hair and use his belt. Bru– his tutors saw a young, malleable person and never saw young hands, uncalloused, unfamiliar with the weapons of war.

Dick sees a murderer, the void of a person and wants to be gentle.]

[batstorm93672]

Let It Be Over Already

Word of warning other than just tagging it.

This story contains heavy amount of depression, ptsd, panic attack and attempting suicide is explicitly stated. If this triggers you, then I beg that you do not read it for your mental wellbeing is worth more than a story.

.

.

.

.

.

It's been months since anyone has seen Damian Wayne. No one knows where he has gone, the last person he visited was Dick and Kory. Titus was left with the two adults as well. Titus had been less excited about things without Damian.

Alfred's death took a hard toll on Damian's life. He often did disappear from his siblings for awhile, but never this long and without Titus as well...

~

Siblings Group Chat

Dick: Has anyone received any news on Damian or Robin sightings?

Jason: No. I haven't heard or seen a thing on him

Stephanie: Where could he have gone?

Tim: It's like he disappeared

Barbara: I've been trying to trace his phone, nothing

Dick: What worries me is that he also didn't take Titus... then that night he was with me when I found him in the guest room. He tore it up, pillows were literally ripped apart and everything was a mess. Then I found these drawings

[Three pictures of Alfred sitting on a chair tied up as Robin, Bane or merely a shadow is behind him. Alfred's neck is snapped and he's clearly dead]

Cassandra: :(

Tim: Holy shit

Stephanie: I feel like I might be sick

Dick: He was sobbing horribly... then he spoke of how he just wants to give up at times. His mental health is dropping and the fact that he's missing is worse

~

Jason clicked off his phone, walking down the streets of Gotham, the sun was still shining down. "...where are you kid?"

By the time night rolled around, Jason made it to his apartment and took off his hoodie. The window... was slightly ajar. He locked it last he left, maybe he left it open a bit? Or... a hopeful twinge of a possibility that the one person who would enter through there and probably insult him for how easy it was to unlock it.

"Damian? Are you here?"

It was silent.

Jason sighed and lied on his bed "No... no you aren't"

.

"No..!"

He had struggled in vain, crying as his grandfather's neck snapped. Failing to save him. Failing to be good enough.

Failing to save a man he loved with all his heart.

.

Damian leaped up from the small makeshift bed. Looking around for his Great Dane to help, only to be met with the darkness. That's right... he left Titus with Richard and Kory. He can't let his canine see what he's done to himself, what he's been having weighed on his mind. Sometimes he really does want it to be over. Knowing that he can't do it anymore... it hurts so bad, but he can't really bring himself to have this dealt with. A coward. He wouldn't even be here, had he just stay put and not endanger Pennyworth then everything would be okay! Then he would be back and everything would be perfect! But it's not... and it won't be for a long time.

Damian got up off the floor this safehouse was completely abandoned. He had to make due with old blankets. Damian grabbed his uniform and put it on...

Robin swung until he overlooked the city, the sky was dark. Landing at the very top to see it all, it could end here and it would be okay... he'd go back to Hell, but he deserves it doesn't he. To go back to where he belongs, back where his sins torment every waking moment he lingers.

The very top of the building, falling would be a horrible plummet down to meet the ground. It doesn't seem so bad... does it?

Why is his heart racing like this?

Why is he scared?

Why can't he move forward?

Pennyworth is gone.

There's nothing else here, no one else.

Just go!

Go!

GO!

JUST GO AND GET IT OVER WITH IT WILL ALL BE OVER IF YOU DO IT! THE PAIN! THE SUFFERING WILL END!

IT WILL END!

FINALLY IT WILL BE OVER!

LET IT BE OVER!

END THIS!

HE'S GONE AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!

YOU FAILURE!

GO!

DO WHAT MUST BE DONE!

"NO!"

Robin moved away from the edge, panicking as he covered his mouth. "No no no no no I'm scared I can't do it! I can't! Why am I so scared..? What is wrong with me?!" Robin's hands shook as he grabbed his phone. Clicking onto a contact he could barely see through his tears. Putting it up to his ear when he heard ringing.

"Holy shit, Damian is that you!? Where have you been, we've been looking all over for you!"

"A-a-a-- a-akhi... akhi... I can't do it, I'm scared..!"

"Damian, slow down. Tell me where you are"

"G-Grand... Grand Avenue Station at the top..."

"Hang tight. Do you want me to st--"

Robin hung up, it was already bad that he called. Now he had to be rescued like a child in distress, he can't do this.

"Stop it stop it stop it, let it end already. Let me go! Let it be over already! Please let it be over! I-I can't do this... I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be with anyone either. I want it to be over, let it be over for once"

"Damian"

Robin looked up, Red Hood stood above him only his mask was on and he was sweating. "Damian! Hey, hey, hey. It's me, it's okay. What happened, you can tell me" "I-I want it to be over... but I don't want to die, I just want it to be done for once" "What do you mean? What did you try to do?"

"I wanted to go... I wanted to go I thought it would be over if I just go. I tried, but I'm a coward I can't even take my life. I can't do it. It's my fault, I want the suffering to end I'm scared. I'm so scared"

Red Hood looked absolutely destroyed, he didn't say a word and honestly he couldn't bring himself to speak. Damian's mental state was dropping, but to think so quickly he would turn to... to... fuck.

Red Hood hugged him tight, Robin sobbed making no attempt to move or hug Hood back.

"I'm scared, I want it to be over! Please let it be over... let it be over already. Let this not be real I can't do this without him. I miss my grandfather, I miss Alfred. I want to die, I want to die already. Don't bring me back from the dead, don't let me stay dead. Don't stay, don't go" Robin was rambling random things, most of his words contradicted the other.

"Ssshhhhh easy now. I'm here. I'm here for you. Let's go"

~

Jason: I found him

Dick: Where?

Tim: Is he okay?

Jason: Shit this is gonna be hard to say and even worse to hear

Stephanie: Just say it

Cassandra: ?

Duke: Is he at least safe?

Jason: He tried to kill himself. He called me saying that he can't do it and that he's scared. Then I found him on Grand Avenue Station

Barbara: Oh my god

Duke: Did you stop him?

Jason: Yeah, he seemed to be in shock and stopped himself

Tim: Where are you?

Jason: Home, I brought him with me, he's sleeping rn

Cassandra: Dick?

Duke: Hey man you okay? You haven't texted

Jason: Dick he's okay now, I got him

Stephanie: We can go visit him

Barbara: Dick please say something?

~

Dick was wheezing with every breath, he dropped his phone and couldn't keep himself from trembling.

Damian almost...

Oh God!

Why?!

Why didn't I stop him from leaving?!

Should I have forced him to stay with us?

Why didn't I see this before?

"Dick, you must remain calm. Tell me what is happening my love"

"K-Kory?"

"Yes. It's me"

"Damian, he tried to kill himself. Jason found him"

"Okay, okay. Look at me, focus on what you just said after. Jason found Damian, Damian is okay, Damian is safe. Can you repeat those three things?"

"Jason found Damian, Damian is okay, Damian is safe"

"Yes, say it as many times as you must"

"Jason found Damian, Damian is okay, Damian is safe. Jason found Damian, Damian is okay, Damian is safe. Jason found Damian, Damian is okay, Damian is safe"

Dick's breathing lessened in volume, he closed his eyes then opened them to look at Kory. "Yeah... I get it, thank you Kor. I just started to drive myself crazy there, thinking on what I could've done better to protect him. But it's not just me. Damian has more than one person by his side"

"Exactly, so let's go to sleep. Tomorrow you can go see him and bring Titus along"

.

.

.

It was silent when Damian woke up, he could feel where the tears once were. He had messed up.

Did he mess up by calling Jason? Or did he mess up by not doing what he told himself to do? Damian doesn't know which part he messed up.

Regardless, Damian looked around, Jason was still sleeping by him. Damian hated himself, Jason wouldn't be taking care of him had he just fell off. No one would be worried if he just did that.

Coward, can't even do a single thing.

You've taken many lives, what's stopping you from taking your own?

Damian held himself, it just felt so awful, everything was a mess and it was his fault. Everytime Damian closes his eyes he can see how the thunder and lighting cast shadows over the people. The person who took his life always changed while the one person in that chair took his last breath and stayed the same. Same story. Same ending.

The snap of a neck.

The screaming and crying.

Then the Butler with his head limp to the side.

It all ended and began the same way.

He had snapped his neck. Bane had snapped his neck. The darkness had snapped his neck. Regardless of who was behind it, it's the result of who fell at the hands that hurts Damian the most.

"Hey, it's okay. It's akhi, I'm here for you"

When did Damian start crying again? When did Jason wake up to see this mess? More importantly, how long has Jason been hugging Damian?

"It won't end... i-it won't stop... make it stop. The nightmares, the thunder, the lightning, the bones, the screams. Make it stop... please make it stop I can't handle it"

"I know, I know. It hurts I know it does, but it will pass. You can't let it consume you"

"Why did you answer? If I hadn't been so cowardly then I could've done it and let you been in peace. Why didn't you hang up? Why did you let me talk?"

"Cause I care too much habibi, I couldn't let you go. I love you"

"...don't leave me"

"I won't"

"Don't go... don't leave me alone again"

"I won't let you be alone"

"Stay... please stay longer"

"Heh well this is my house, jokes aside, I'm staying Dami"

Then a knock brought the two back from their hug. Jason stood up while smiling at Damian "I'm not leaving, I promise. I'm just going to answer the door" "Tt. I know that" Even though he says that, a huge part of him was glad to hear that Jason wasn't going to leave.

Jason opened the door after looking through the peephole.

Damian was knocked to the floor and was slobbery.

"Titus?" The Dane barked and his tail wagged "I'm so sorry Titus, I love you so much I'm sorry I left you! I was scared. Please forgive me!" Titus sat down as Damian hugged his pet. Inhaling the warmth and smell of Titus's fur.

Damian smiled a bit as he moved Titus away, seeing who brought him... Dick was standing at the doorway, he looked at a loss. Damian's smile fell and he looked guilty.

"Richard... I'm... I didn't-"

Dick tackled Damian in a hug and Dick's sobs came out like exhales of relief and laughter. Damian somehow had a river of tears hiding even after losing so many tears before.

"I-- I'm sorry Richard, I'm so sorry I left. I'm sorry I tried to- I don't know what happened to me! Nothing felt good anymore, I'm a mess. I couldn't handle it, I'm sorry"

"Damian! I was so worried! I-I was so scared!"

"You... you aren't mad?"

"No, why would I be mad? I'm overjoyed to see you here and I love you so much I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I noticed the changes but didn't do a thing"

"Don't blame yourself... you tried to get me to stay. I'm the one who left"

"I'm so glad to see you"

"Me too"

[1dragon-mustard1]

Honestly I like that everyone victim blames Jason for his death

It adds so much tragedy to his character that people not only refuse to acknowledge he's alive again and are mourning his past self, but also that the victim blaming has caused it so they aren't even mourning Jason from when he was a kid

Because what they warped him into in their memory is not who Jason was

But even still Jason is so desperate for love and acceptance he bought into it

His revenge turned from for himself to for that dead kid, that he's someone else, that he came back wrong

That he shouldn't have come back at all

[fatheriimaginedyoutaller]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Batman (Comics), Batman and Robin (Comics), Robin (Comics), Robin: Son of Batman (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Talia al Ghul & Damian Wayne, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Damian Wayne/Colin Wilkes, Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne Characters: Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne, Talia al Ghul, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd Additional Tags: Drug Use, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Bittersweet Ending, Damian Wayne-centric, Damian Wayne Feels, Adult Damian Wayne, Other Additional Tags to Be Added Summary:

[Trigger Warning for: Suicidal Ideation, Drug Abuse and Self-loathing]

"If Damian was honest with himself for once, out of some kind of Hanukkah miracle, he would drop this charade and drag himself to his father. Beg for the help he so clearly needed. He would break down all of the invisible walls built out of both pride and self loathing and cry on his knees until it hurt (rather similar to the sorry sight he became after Alfred’s death), but he is going to keep playing chicken as much as he could stomach until it became too late to do anything. "

A raw yet honest hearfelt tale about Damian Wayne-Head's sturggles with suicidal ideation and drug addiction. @theultimatesagavan

[kaleuh]

oh my god i want to go home. i want to stare out at the blue sky above my house forever, even if it's sick, even if it's pale. i want to smell lilacs and listen to the trees and look at the leaves in the wind forever and ever i want to die on my front lawn i want to die on my front lawn i want to die on my front lawn i would cry i would be so so happy if i got to make sure i could stay there forever

[amarachno]

Every time Bruce pisses one of his kids off, they dramatically proclaim something along the lines of, “I hate you! Im going to stay with mom!!!” and then run off.

The first time it happens, Bruce nearly pisses himself because he takes it as some sort of suicidal ideation thing. He tries to go after whichever kid started this, probably Dick, but is unable to find them for whatever reason. He decides to look as Batman. Bruce absolutely sick with worry.

Selina Kyle put his kid in a catsuit.

As time goes on, more of his kids pull this little stunt and Bruce is a little less concerned. Every so often Catwoman is seen with her sidekick ‘Stray’ but every time Stray is makes an appearance they have a wildly different gender, height, and body type. It always the same costume design but in different sizes

Even Cass participated once! Bruce just sighed deeply and looked vaguely regretful. The only one who hadnt made an appearance as Stray had been Damian. Bruce really couldnt imagine Damian running off to be Stray. The kid still had his birth mother so there was no reason to.. become… stray…

Damian shows up as Stray. Instead of his sibling’s preferred stolen objects as a trophy? Selina let him keep a cat. The worst part? The cat’s name is Selina.

Jason as stray