#somebody give jason a hug pls

[chriscrosswallflower-blog]

In this chapter, we get the backstory of why Jason chose to die.

Buckle in everyone, this one's rough. TW for strong suicidal ideation. Check out the end notes for a brief summary of this is triggering or if you want more info before reading.

I will probably follow up with a more in depth explanation of this head canon soon but my ask box is open if you have questions!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #452

“what i’ve felt, what i’ve known, never shined doing what i’ve shown  /  never free, never me, so i dub thee unforgiven”

Are you a part of the LGBTQ+ community? I am. Do you have Tiktok? Are you addicted? I don't. Do you enjoy being outside? IF it's cool outside, yes. Do you like being around kids? No, not really. Have you ever gotten Covid-19? No. What's your ethnicity? Caucasian. If you were president, what's the first change you would make? I'd probably put in place free healthcare first. What is an animal that you'd like to have as a pet but it's not allowed? If an animal shouldn't be a pet, there's a reason. So none. What was your favorite meal as as kid? Has it changed now? It was spaghetti. I still love it, but it's not my favorite now. Which doctor is your least favorite? Primary, eye, dentist, gynecologist, etc. Potential TMI answer follows. So, the VERY easy answer is gynecologist. Like, I've never even BEEN to one because I'm too scared. Not because I think they'll find anything wrong, but because I'm just very self-conscious about stuff like that and I do fucking not want some random stranger laying a goddamn finger on me like that. My doctor is really pushing me to go by now though as a safety precaution, but I just really, really don't want to. Do you feel that you'd be any good at solving a murder? No. I'm so clueless. You own a dragon, but it doesn't breathe fire; what comes out instead? Water, I guess? That could be beneficial in a lot of ways. Have you ever been sprayed by a giant rain puddle when a car passed by? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT with Girt. What color is your iPod? Hot pink. Do you think baby clothes are adorable? Ha ha yeah, I just tend to like miniature things in general, and babies are just... miniature humans lmao. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. If you could adopt 3 unique pets, what would you get? A plains hognose morph (probably a lavender, or snow?), a Brazilian black tarantula, andddd... an African fat-tailed gecko morph. What grade are you in, if you’re still in school? I'm not in school. Do you get a lot of tourists in the area where you live? Hell no, there's not shit here. Do you enjoy watching vlogs? Only occasionally by certain people I like. What was the last new video game you were excited about? It really sucks I don't have the appropriate console to play it myself, but I was SUPER stoked for Resident Evil 8: Village to be released and literally watched like four different playthroughs at the same time, ha ha. Have you ever talked about your period with a guy? Were they okay with it, or grossed out? In a three-and-a-half years intimate relationship, it obviously came up before. He didn't care, because he wasn't 12. Have you ever been to small church/bible group/study? Forced to or wanted to? I was forced to go to Sunday school, as well as church. Have you ever been to an Asian (any type) market? If so, what is the closest one to you? I've never seen one here, even. How would you feel if your significant other had tattoos? That'd be a bonus to how physically attracted I was to them, probably, lol. I just love tattoos. Where was the last place on your body that you felt physical pain? My uterus is screaming. :') What are you listening to right now? I am fucking unhealthily obsessed with Violet Orlandi & Skar's cover of "The Unforgiven" by Metallica lkasdjkflawjerwr like I will not stop listening to it lol. Last person you texted? My mom. Have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy? Yes. Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe? My mom. Have you ever used a chainsaw? Nooo, and I don't want to. Do you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa? crihmuh Ever been so stunned, no words came out? Oh yes. Ever written that you were going to end your life? I have. I was fucking stupid and made a suicide note on Facebook. I genuinely wanted everyone on there to know what they meant to me, so like it seriously wasn't for attention, which I still worry people think that. Ever put fake bugs around your house to scare someone? Not to scare people, no. I have two faux tarantulas in my room as decor, though. Is there a reason you have the name you do? Not particularly. My parents just liked it, ig. Choose: the best song by Green Day? Aw, that's way too hard! I love Green Day. I guess if I absolutely had to pick, maybe "21 Guns." It's just a truly beautiful song. Have you ever tried to “save”, or “fix” someone, before? No. I don't believe that works and only damages you. Were ethics discovered or invented? That's a good question. I really can't say I know. Do you put effort into getting tan during the summer? Nah. Are you a fairly self-motivated person? NO. I need external motivation pretty badly. Be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you? Or are they actually not worthy of your affections? I don't deserve him. List 5 things that have been on your mind most recently. 1.) wtf I feel about Girt and wtf to do about it; 2.) my weight; 3.) what job I'm going to search for once I make progress at the gym; 4.) whether or not to quit photography and focus my efforts elsewhere; and 5.), as always, Jason. What is better, history or science? Science is way more interesting. Do you flinch at the sight of blood? No. Do you enjoy swimming? Yeah. When you swear, is it usually in general or directed at someone? In general. I don't generally swear at people. Are any of your friends hoping to be famous one day? Yeah; I've got a couple of musician friends. Who would you kiss right now if you could kiss anyone? GO AWAY Ever slapped a guy in the face? No. I don't hit people. Do you think you’re a good friend? I sure try to be. Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger? When? I have on only one occasion when I Jason and I were texting and he pissed me off. I don't remember what we were even talking about now. My phone was fine btw, ha ha, I didn't like, chuck it. What color of hair do you find the sexiest on the opposite gender? Out of the natural hair colors, black. But I really like hair that's dyed exotic colors on like... anyone. Have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed? Yeah. When you lost your virginity, were you sober? Yeah. Have you ever given your phone number to somebody you met online? Quite a few people, actually. Most of my friendships are online. On average, how much does gas cost where you live? When I was out today, it was $2.99. Why are you happy? Who said I was? I'm not happy. What is in your pocket? Nothing. What was the worst feeling you last felt? Severe indecision. Worthlessness. Yesterday had some grim periods. What would you name your future son? I always answer with the first name, "Damien," so let's see about a middle name... uhhhh... maybe Damien James? I'm not really sure about a middle name, but that sounds nice. What are you waiting for? Girt to message me back. He barely touches Facebook, so I can't blame him, but I wanna plan a day for him to visit and we can hang and I can decide what the fuck it is I feel towards him. What takes your breath away? Big waterfalls, to name a major one. What fact of life would you rather not know about? That the world doesn't give a fuck about you. It sounds super pessimistic, I know, but it doesn't. There is no sentience to it, no will to keep you safe and happy, it just... exists, and we're thrown onto it to figure it out. Unfair things happen. That's life. ... Damn, this answer was dark lol. What’re a few things that automatically make you go, “Awww?” Meerkat pups doing so much as blinking, guys being really cute with kids, seeing elderly couples holding hands and just generally being precious, proposals (especially gay ones just because of how hard that was fought for), seeing literally any picture in existence of Mark and Amy together, veterans coming home and their dogs freaking out... Man, a lot of things. This question brightened my mood to think about. :') Are you easily scared by horror movies? Nah. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Illinois to visit Sara. :') I really wanna hang. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No, but a former best friend had her bday a day before mine. Are you wearing a ring? I always wear two. Do you hate to hug people? No, I love hugs. How many rooms does your house consist of? Seven. If you could be on any TV show, which would it be and why? Can I be a Pokemon trainer, pls???? What would you want to be famous for? Most ideally, a great wildlife photographer. The kind photography students would see and be inspired by. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? No, I sleep with a real animal, ha ha. What is your favorite brand of hairspray? I don’t have one. What is in your backyard? Not very much... I'm barely ever even out there, so I barely know. There's one shed, a small tree, and uh... idk. Who is/was your favorite teacher? I have a few. Mrs. Whitley, Mr. Proctor, Coach Collie, and Miss Tobey are some. What’s your favorite non-sexual thing to do with a girl/boy? Play video games together. Do you cheer for the bad guy? Ha, I have a tendency to do that... Would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? Career. I want one so very badly. Something on the human body that grossest you out the most: So even though I am sexually attracted to any gender, nevertheless, genitalia gross me the fuck out. Either kind. Penises especially though like what the fuck- Do you think it’s easier to raise a boy a girl? Why? From most parents, I've heard boys are much easier because girls (supposedly) tend to have more of an attitude. What is your favorite strawberry flavored food? Strawberry is generally my favorite flavor for like, everything, so this is just about impossible. Maybe uhhh slushies? What is the oldest video game system you’ve played? An Atari.

[supernaturalmistress]

Lost Soul Series_Pt 1.- Found

Summary: You went missing for four years under Sam and Dean’s watch. Once they get a surprising call from a friend saying that you’re in Kansas, they find you, take you under their wing, but something seems off about you. Like something is missing, and once Dean believes he should confess his love to you, he finds out just what you lost, your soul. His only mission is to retrieve your soul from Crowley and all the while wanting to tell you just how he feels…but knowing he can’t.

Pairings: Dean x Reader, Sam x Reader (barely)

Future Warnings: SMUT, Fluff, hella angst, heartbreak (but will be fixed, I swear)

Word Count: 1,611 words (chapters will get longer as we get into it)

Author’s notes: I kinda just came up with this series idea, and since I only write once in a blue moon I figured why not go out? My b-day is in like 4 days so its kinda a gift to me!(conceited much ikr) but yeah, pls leave feedback, if you have any ideas pls send them in cuz I like need more ideas lmao. Love y’all so much, I’ll be writing this series every two days (so each chapter will come out one day then I’ll have a day to write and edit then I’ll post between 9 and 10 P.M.) so yeah thank you so much. Please ask for anything you need. Tags are open!!! (btw I’ll be posting a masterlist later on tonight). Enjoy!

ring ring.

Dean’s POV

I answered the phone only to be greeted by Jasper’s gruff voice. He had news that I couldn’t believe until he gave me his word that it was true.

Jasper, are you sure?

Yeah man. I just got the call from one of my most trusted, she’s in Kansas, Dean. Near Lebanon. Said she was staying at the White Palm. Room 17.

My heart sunk in my chest at the thought of how in the hell she got back. We thought we’d lost her all those years ago.

Four years ago

It’d had been a hard week. Alpha vamp, killing off innocents in New York, no way in hell we could capture him. We’d gotten him to come to terms to stop killing, but he only wanted one thing, J.J. I couldn’t just give her up that easily, she was the love of my life and I sure as hell wasn’t using her as bait, but she insisted and pleaded that she would keep safe as long as we caught the son of a bitch. But like always, we were dumb and stupid enough to actually think we could get him on our own, leading to her getting captured. Ever since that day, I’ve been missing her, wondering and hoping she would come back to me.

Present

“All this time we thought she’s been being tortured, or worse. Now that I know she’s alive, I ain’t ever letting her go” I said to myself as I gripped the steering wheel tight on Baby. I pushed the gas hard, trying to get there as quick as I could before you were gone, knowing I couldn’t waste another minute away from you. 

I’ve missed you as long as i could imagine and every since that day I’ve felt guilty for what happened. Now, it was the time to set things straight once and for all.

We arrived at the White Palm, my hands filled with sweat as we walked to Room 17. I was shaking because I had no idea what to do when I saw you. Didn’t know if I should hug you, apologize for all the shit we put you through, or hell I even thought about kissing you. 

Sam looked at me with reassurance while knocking. Whatever happened, we both knew you were still our J.J. and you meant the world to us, to me.

The door opened swiftly as a well built, tall, shirtless black haired man stood in the doorway. I looked him up and down.

“Yeah?” he asked with a deep voice.

Sam and I looked at each other, and I was having doubts you were actually here.

Sam asked “Um, we’re looking for J.J., is she here?”

“Sorry bro, no one here by that name.”

My face fell but as soon as I heard movement inside I looked behind him only to see your beautiful figure moving to pack some clothes. 

“J.J.?”

You turned and as soon as we locked eyes, a smile grew on my face and a smirk on yours.

“Well, I’ll be damned. Sam and Dean Winchester. Been awhile since I’ve seen them pretty faces.” your smooth voice ran through me as your beautiful Y/E/C burned throughout me. Just then every shitty thing in my life gone to dust, fixed by your lovely face.

Your POV

You were shocked at the fact they actually found you, thought they’d left you behind in their memories long ago. 

“Well uh,” you said as you started to give the black haired man his belongings, pushing him towards the door, “Thanks uh Jacob for, last night. It was fun.” Poor thing seemed confused and corrected you,

“Jason.”

“Right, well Jason, bye,” you said as you closed the door in his face. Sam and Dean looked very surprised at this new version of you, for one night stands used to be a big no-no for you. 

“Little harsh there, don’t you think J.J.?” Sam asked with a laugh.

You chuckled.

“Well boys, it’s good to see you too.” You hugged them. They took awhile to hug you back before looking at your face. Dean carried out the hug a little longer.

“So, no call, no text, no smoke signals, no nothing?” Dean asked, getting serious.

“Sorry, I’ve just been busy with things. Hunting.”

“Yeah well, I figured as close as we are, you’d check up. Thought we were family. Figured if you came back, we’d be the first people you’d call.”

You scoffed. “Right mom, sorry I didn’t call you to check in, last time I checked I was an adult who makes her own decisions.”

They both asked the same question in their mind: What in the hell had happened to you? Cause this sure as hell wasn’t you.

Sam tried to quickly change the subject, for he could already feel the tension rising between you two.

“So J.J.--”

“Y/N/N.”

“Hmm?”

“I just go by Y/N/N now, haven’t been called J.J. in years.”

Just then it hit Sam the crossed Dean. Years? What’d you mean by years?

“Wait, wait. Years? Y/N/N, how long have you been out ever since…” Sam began to ask.

“After the incident, things happened and let’s just say I got lucky.”

Dean got heated and began to get impatient.

“Answer the question J.J. How long have you been out?”

You sighed, looked at the ceiling in annoyance, trying to calculate exactly, “Umm, about four-ish years? Yeah, I’d say four.”

They both looked at each other with disappointment and disbelief.

“You’ve been here all this time and never even called to let us know you were ok, or alive at least?!” Dean had finally snapped. He thought he’d lost you all those years ago, all the while you’ve been running around the country going on hunts, sleeping in cheap motels and having shitty one night stands. The love of his life, alive, this entire time.

“Oh calm your tits grandma, I’m sorry that as soon as I got out I didn’t want to call the only to people who I completely trusted only to get me kidnapped, tortured, sliced and diced each and every way,” you said, finally tired of their bullshit. 

They once again looked at each other, faces and minds full of guilt. You were right. It was their fault you were taken and they had no room to argue. Dean couldn’t bear the thought of what you went through so all he did was move swiftly across the room and hugged you. He kissed the temple of your forehead and whispered ‘sorry’ one too many times.

“Ok Mother Theresa, it’s all good, I forgive you, both of you.” You gave them a small smile which was all they needed.

Sam was more than curious to find out how in the hell you escaped an alpha vamps nest. 

“So, J--Y/N/N, I have only one question...how in the world did you escape and alpha?” Sam asked with caution.

There was a long pause until a deep British voice interrupted your conversation.

“Why me of course moose, that poor girl wouldn’t have stood a chance against those blood-sucking parasites.”

Dean jumped from the bed and raised his gun to Crowley.

“Oh calm down squirrel, I was just coming to check up on the girl,” he said as he helped himself to the mini bar in your motel room.

“What do you want you son of a bitch?!” Dean asked.

“Oh, darling I see you haven’t filled them in on our little dilemma. You want to tell them or should I?”

You looked at the boys then Crowley. 

“Dean, please,” you asked officially annoyed.

“Not until someone explains what this snot-nosed asshole is doing here!” Dean yelled.

“Oh squirrel, always putting violence before knowledge. Might wanna let your girl explain herself and put that thing down before you hurt somebody.” Dean hesitated before looking to you for reassurance and you nodded to him. He put the gun down, while he and Sam waited for you to begin.

Dean began “J.J., please don’t tell me you made a deal with this shithead?!” Dean snapped.

“Hurtful.”

“J, what the hell is going on?” Sam asked after a moment of silence.

“Ok, yes Crowley did save me and yes it came at a price but I know more than to make a deal with a demon--”

Dean interrupted you while crossing his arms, “Ok well please explain what this “price” is, please.” 

“Well, that’s my cue.” and with a snap, Crowley was gone and left you to explain the rest.

You sighed knowing your ass is toast after this, which is why you never called them in the first place, because if they knew they would lose their shit. You began to pack up for leave while you told the story.

“Ok, well after about three months with the vamps, some would come and go, feed then leave. Some would come to taunt, cut, bleed, or do whatever to me and I was just about on the brink of death...before Crowley had somehow found me and told me he could free me, heal me and help me, for something that I had--that he needed,”

You looked behind you to see the boys worried about what you were going to say.

“--he said it was something that was special, innocent, and pure. Something he could use to get himself off the ground in hell and could use to get around and get himself back where he needs to be.”

“And what exactly was it he needed--oh excuse me, what he got from you?” Dean asked.

You sighed, with a shrug of your shoulders.

“My soul.”

Tags for this series are open, just ask ;-)

[definitelynotwaving]

Thinks that I thunk whilst watching Riverdale

stream of consciousness stylez

Kevin finds murder scene whilst at an illicit rendezvous. check

Oh look how diverse we are. Did you know the Lodges speak Spanish? ¿Sabias?

 Does Jugheqd go to Riverdale or not. Why is he there? Oh wait there he goes. Bye honey! 

 I am mad about Kevin cruising the woods. This is not the gay representation we need Cheryl I see you behind K & B

 Awwww Moose is glad he’s big enough to save Midge. Cute SHE BROUGHT HIM A MOOSIE TOY I LOVE IT

Peer mentor at SSH v. different than at Riverdale. I love the heavy handedness of this show.  The JJ. Still doesn’t make Jingle Jangle sound cool. Goolies! They have fences in their “cafetorium” that’s how you know it’s the high school from Lean on Me. 

“Archie going Travis Bickle is my favorite Archie.” Jughead. So pithy.

 Veronica is so scared of her dad. inside voices

Hiram Consuelos you are evil

(commercial break) Why isn’t Grant Gustin the flash in the Justice League movie? Heeeeeeeeey Jason Momoa. Heyyyyyy

 Oh em gee Hermione just told V not to be thirsty. I have died.

 Oh shit A PACKAGE™

 Motivational speech by Archie. Um Reg I wonder if being the neighborhood watch whilst dealing the JJ is a conflict of interest. Dilton Doily MOS DEF has a murder list. Dude! Watchdogs is a way better name than Red Circle

Jugs pretend you don’t know book stuff. Teacher is low key cute

I can has newspaper pls? You can’t say no to him

Kev laying it OUT. He’s right tho. I mean, Betty is right too, Kevin is being a dumbass. But he don’t need her permission.

Cheryl Eleanor Blossom! (I’ve decided that’s her middle name) You wasted a perfectly good opportunity to do a creepy chair turn. I’m disappointed in you.   Cheryl dropping truth bombs

Hahahahahah V gives Archie homework for the dinner. “Learn Spanish and don’t talk about Dumbledore’s Army.”

Oh shit A LETTER™ oh shit oh shit oh shit the heart glasses. Man Grundy was slime

Fred is the adulterer. Reaching. This is Riverdale. There was probably a juicier example of adultery than Fred kissing Hermione when his wife has been gone for a while and Hermione’s man is in jail. Weatherbee probably gets it on with the librarian or something.

Ok he’s THE WOLF. Bloodletting. Jeez.

Alice don’t care about your public safety

Hey don’t write about the Jingle Jangle Juggle

Weatherbee is sticking up for Archie. This gives me uh oh feeling

Sweet Pea is right. But do Popeye and Olive Oyl know he’s in a gang?jajajajajajajajajajajajajajaja “he’s just not that into you”

The farm! Wait this is like, a real thing? They weren’t just going to wander of to A farm, there’s a farm waiting for them?

“I am an unwed mother carrying my cousin’s babies. I am the poster child for sin, Betty.” I just laughed so loud I scared the dog and she fell off the couch

 I like Alice’s casual at home look. She is so gorgeous. I need more info about the farm

Oh Kevin is opening up to Moose. Why is Moose so nice and considerate? This is not the Moose I expected when I started watching this show. I was not prepared for Good Guy Moose. He deserves ALL the Moosie toys. “Guys like us” Well that is horrible advice but also good advice except not when there’s a murderer wolf about

Moose has heart eyes for Kevin

So Hiram Consuelos is deffo evil. Look how scared Hermione is

Betty brought coffee. She’s adorable.

Jingle Jangle

Reckless! I swoon.

DAMMIT TONI Hhahahahahahahah I like her tho Betty isn’t sure tho

Well nobody better talk shit about Hermione to me ever again

Cheryl whatcha doin?

Ethel you dumb. Call a uber. What would Ethel’s sin be?

Why did Betts go home? Stay and get up on your man, girl. does Jug live at school now?

Dam Reg you tryna be in the next Fast & Furious? Fastly and Furiously?

Oh Kevin don’t follow those people we don’t know!

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK ethel! oh good she’s ok. Is reg still on the chase?

Oh Kev :( Oh hey cheryl

Betty! She wants you to respect yourself Kevin!

Oh my poor sweet son Kevin, I want to hold you. Come let me take care of you.

SCHOOL OF LIES. Oh shit Juggie. OH SHIT WTF

meh Fred

Jugs is a lying liarface telling lies out his lying liehole

Toni with that ~subtle~ message. Betty/Toni friendship should happen. Um I hope y’all are paying attention to this message about the cycle of crime in low income areas and how gangs thrive. Y’all might learn something

Ugh Hiram. 

Palomita. I wish he weren’t such a dick because that’s sweet

Hermione you and V need to be sticking together. Don’t do that

Yo Polly is smart dude

Creepy Veronica portrait is creepy. I hope we get to see it’s eyes move.

Hiram knows from evil. 

Hiram knows from terror and fear.

Betty you shouldn’t be wandering around either. Take a fucking uber.

Oh Kev! No! Hey is that Chic? Pls let that be Chic OH MY FUCKING CHEESUS

Oh they got me. Fuck. Lemme catch my breath. Oh this dude sucks. Kevin doesn’t have to do the sex with you, creeper in the dumb hat. Maybe that’s one of Clifford Blossom’s hats. Fuck this douche. Well, don’t. But fuck him.

Hi Dad. Betty had a thing. Well Kev and Betty are over. Gahhhh he’s such a good dad. I wish he weren’t an awful cop.

I hope my son doesn’t feel like his only option is cruising the woods. 

FUCKING PERFECT SONG CHOICE. Whoever scores this show is fantastic. Imma look up who that is. They deserve recognition. You go person!

I love this song

I just want to hug Kevin.

Dilton has a murder list. he carries it with him

Um. Archibald. I don’t think the murderwolf is gonna be scared of your little leather club. jajajajajajajajajajajahahahah Archie honey stop watching Liam Neeson movies. Fuck off with that smirk Hiram. Somebody throw some holy water at him. 

Creepy portrait. 

Next week....

HOLY MURDER NOTE BATMAN he’s doing this for Betty? And he wrote in heiroglyphics to tell her. Is it possible we’ve just mistranslated? 

Archie. No. Put that down. NO. Somebody spray him with the squirt bottle. NO.