#janus is like “this is for your own good” he cares about thomas because it’s his duty not for any personal reasons

[let-roman-bite-someone]

see, both logan and janus wants to be listened to and respected by thomas. but while janus’s reasoning is just “you’re gonna end up unhealthy and unhappy and lonely if you don’t listen to what i say, you fool”, logan’s is more “the only purpose i have ever known is to serve thomas and keep him healthy and alive. if thomas doesn’t acknowledge me, that’s a failure on my part. if something happens to thomas because he didn’t listen to me, i will never forgive myself for the rest of my life.”

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Cause and Effect

ok this is overdone i feel but i love your writing. something abkut the effects the sides have on themselves? virgil being super anxious and logan overwhelmed and similar things? something w janus? with a good portion of hurt comofrt? love your fics!! – anon

Hi! I love your writing so so so much. I do have a request for you, if you want it: Headcanon that Remus, being responsible for intrusive thoughts, is also responsible for any earworms Thomas gets. Which, he mostly uses to his advantage. Except. He unironically likes Taylor Swift and is terrified of that information getting out because it will ruin his image/he won’t be taken seriously. – anon

I hope you’re having a good week! I was wondering if I could request a hurt/comfort fic with one of the Sides being really bad about announcing/enforcing boundaries, because “it probably means more to them than it does to me” “it’s not that bad” “I can deal with it”. Thank you for considering!! – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: self-esteem issues, panic attacks, anxiety attacks

Pairings: dlampr, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 2954

Patton doesn't always remember that he has feelings, too. Logan works…a lot. Virgil lives his life looking over his shoulder. Janus has gotten so good at lying to everyone that it's a wonder he even knows what the truth is himself. Remus wears shame like a badge of honor and the sweater he just can't manage to make himself throw away. Roman is tired. The Sides struggle. The Sides help each other.

Patton doesn't always remember that he has feelings, too.

He's at the center of Thomas's feelings, of course, and that means he's feeling a lot of things that aren't necessarily his all the time. Thomas is happy, he's happy. Thomas is sad, the entire world might be ending. Thomas is angry, he has to hide everything that looks even vaguely orange because something might explode. Thomas is depressed, he finds it hard to even get out of bed.

That extends to the Sides somewhat too; all of them experience heightened emotions, a wonderful by-product of being metaphysical and in the Mindscape. So that means that anything that might happen to them will happen in greater intensity than it would in the 'real world.' But sometimes that can be a little hard to handle, especially if they aren't used to it. For Roman, it looks like being stuck at the worst part of a tragic monologue for hours, for Logan, it looks like that one question on a test that you just can't answer, for Virgil, it's the quiet and unsettling feeling of having something just over your shoulder all the time, for Janus, it's the itch that you just can't scratch, for Remus, it's the noise that's just at the wrong frequency.

It's hard, it's hard for all of them, and so Patton takes it upon himself to help them through it. He takes Roman's hands and just holds them, trying to make him see that he doesn't have to perform, not now, not with him. He sits with Logan and they just talk, about nothing, about everything, until Logan can smile just a little and everything feels better. He puts a pair of headphones on Virgil and wraps him up in a weighted blanket, leaned against his chest. He spoils Janus with a spa day until their favorite snake is too tired to do anything but sleep. And he sings with Remus, as loud and off key as they can, until that's all they can hear.

It's good. It's fun. It's worth it to take care of his kiddos. But sometimes things we say when we're hurting can make other people hurt, and it's important to take care of that too.

Sometimes Patton forgets that. Sometimes he mumbles it's okay, they didn't mean it, through his own tears. Sometimes he has to go and be by himself for a while before he can come back and face them again. Sometimes he has to just…remind himself that they're hurting, and that's what's important.

That isn't true, of course, and when the rest of them find out, it's easy to see that they love him too. They play games until their sides hurt from laughing so much, they crowd around the kitchen to bake cookies and brownies and all manner of sweet treats, they watch movies and cuddle on the couch until they all fall asleep. And when he's upset, because he gets upset too, they all come into his room and tell him how much he means to them until the curtains turn blue again.

***

Logan works…a lot.

There is something to be said for how subtle yet pervasive the concept of Logic is. On first glance, one would associate it primarily with academics, math in particular, or some such thing that is so purely intellectual that it might seem limited in its application. When in reality, when you examine it further, there is some hint of Logic in just about everything that you do, and so there is no escape from the things that you must use it for in order to do it correctly.

Logan has a lot of work. Logan has a lot of work. He has so much work, in fact, that if he stopped to think about how much work he has, he would become so daunted by the prospect of staring at such a tall hill that he would never be able to conquer it. Best to deal with things one problem at a time, take them step by step, and make sure that he doesn't stop to consider the sheer magnitude of what he's doing.

Perhaps this isn't the healthiest way to go about it. Perhaps he would be better suited to breaking down things into more manageable hills, getting over them one step at a time, that sort of thing, but he has no time for that. In the time it would take to do that, the first of the manageable hills would already have become unmanageable by the time he got back to them. So this is how it must be, working and working and working until there is a big enough pause for him to catch his breath.

The others…are not fond of this. Surely, he accounts for enough time to spend with them, but it isn't easily won. It's fraught with the thoughts of what else he could be doing, a passing worry that he's missing something egregious, that he would be better suited to getting all of his work done before allowing himself a break. But that is not the nature of resting, that is the nature of rotting, even if Logan cannot actually give himself a break.

When they find out, they drag him away from his work and into the Imagination, into a library so full of wonder and curiosity that he has no choice but to stop thinking about his work and instead, chase the things he's actually interested in. He darts from bookshelf to bookshelf, peppering the others with did you know, did you know, did you know, and nothing they could say back will be as rewarding as seeing his eyes light up with excitement for the first time in…they can't remember how long it's been.

***

Virgil lives his life looking over his shoulder.

His existence is a constant struggle of did we remember to do this, did we forget this, what if this happens, this is going to go wrong, everything's going to explode in our faces. Every time they so much as leave the house, it's a war of keeping himself together just long enough to make it back so they don't have an embarrassing meltdown in the middle of…wherever they happen to be. The grocery store, the gym, even the fucking sidewalk. It's like walking through the world where there are big flashing neon signs everywhere he turns, each warning about something else awful and terrible, and yet somehow everyone else is able to completely ignore them.

It's terrifying.

And what's worse is that he knows if he so much as breathed a word of this to any of them, they wouldn't believe him. They'd do something like laugh and say he's just freaking out over nothing—which he knows, that's not doing anything to stop it from happening in the first place—or try and rationalize it out of him. Which won't work either, because he knows he's being irrational, that's why he's so mad about it in the first place, but realizing what's happening and being able to do something about it are two different things.

Being able to get himself grounded becomes more of a necessity than anything else. This big hoodie that lets him become an amorphous blob, the heavy things in his pockets he can squeeze when the temptation to break something gets too much, the headphones and earbuds he keeps stashed everywhere with the phone charger clipped to his belt because if he can't listen to music at a moment's notice, he might actually break down in tears. He has to keep himself alert, because if something's going to go wrong, he's going to need to notice it quickly so he can get everyone else on board and safe before it wrecks the rest of their lives.

And when he manages to shove that out of his mouth in an absolute mess of words, he's greeting not with laughs and teases, but with open arms and kind words. He's bundled into Remus's arms and Roman lies on top of them as Janus chuckles, hands carding through his hair to help silence the worst of the mumblings that something's going to go wrong. Logan takes his hand and squeezes it in the rhythm for breathing exercises as Patton sings something soft under his breath.

They're all in the same room. They're all safe. They're all going to be okay.

He can do this. He can do this.

He can do this.

***

Janus has gotten so good at lying to everyone that it's a wonder he even knows what the truth is himself.

Stories need antagonists. A narrative needs something to help it wind its way around all the twists and turns to make it into something worth following. If that means that the truth needs to be a little harder to find, that something needs to go a little wrong before it can be set to rights, well, he's happy to play the part. He's happy to thrill at the surprised looks he gets from the naive little heroes, the shock and betrayal on their faces when they realize he's tricked them, to cackle as they scramble to figure out what to do next.

He's equally thrilled to watch them squirm as he pokes and prods at their comfort zones. Challenging anyone who appears to be steadfast is endlessly entertaining, after all, and he can hardly blame himself when he's rewarded with such passionate monologues or fiery outbursts that end in grudging admittance that maybe he had a point all along. He's never been one to refrain from being smug, after all, and it would be a crime to deprive people of the right to see him in all his victorious glory.

Sometimes, though, that victory feels a little hollow. When it stops being a surprise and more of a resignation, when it's no longer something that they rise to meet but hunker down to grin and bear…when he wins, trouncing them soundly, and they take it on the chin and keep moving…that's not what this is for. He's here to make all of them feel a little something, even if it starts out badly, they should be proud of themselves when they outsmart him, out-think him, even when they don't win but they come close. He's a thorn in their side, not the sword that guts them before they have so much as a chance to say anything. And there's only so much fun that can be had toying with them before it feels like he's kicking a puppy for no reason.

He makes Roman cry once. He just stands there, staring at Janus, waiting for it to be over with tears streaming down his face. And when Janus stammers that yes, he's…he's done, Roman just leaves.

He doesn't want to just be the bad guy. He doesn't want them to think he doesn't care for them. He doesn't want them to be hurt, not…not in any way that actually matters.

He takes it on the chin, as he's seen them do, but it gets harder. Walking the line between fulfilling the role he's made for himself and actually being cruel is difficult, and tensions stretch further and further until one day, he can't do it and he has to retreat to his room and spend the rest of the day puzzling about how to fix this. He's never been the one to actually offer words of comfort. He's been there to lance infections from open wounds, not stitch them back together. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to believe anymore.

Roman comes to him first. Wraps him up in a hug and ignores all his babbling in favor of dragging him to their favorite picnic spot in the imagination. Everyone takes on a different role, just for that day, where Patton is the gardener that helps the baker, Logan, Roman and Remus are the woodcutters that build the cabins, Virgil is the blacksmith and Janus—Janus is the innkeeper. They spin a new story together, one where everyone gets a happy ending.

Stories end, after all, and new ones begin.

***

Remus wears shame like a badge of honor and the sweater he just can't manage to make himself throw away.

He delights in the uncomfortable, luxuriates in the madness, and happily dances along to the songs of the worst things you could ever imagine. His side of the Imagination is chaos and ruin, twisted undergrowth giving way to dark city scapes filled with ne'er-do-wells and the filth from stories that finally get their chance to steal the spotlight. He lovingly tends to his creatures that would send fainter hearts into shock, none more so than his beloved Kraken, Oliver. Shipwrecks litter the bottom of the Imagination's oceans and he couldn't be prouder.

For Remus, chaos is a way of life. He takes the things that normal people would scoff at—just as enthusiastically as he would scoff at them for being so boring—and makes it into art. He builds machines that are needlessly complicated and endlessly horrible. He turns perfect order into perfect disorder with a gleeful squeal. He's the bane of Logan and Roman's existences—one is affectionate, the other decidedly less so—and he steps into his bear traps with a grin on his face.

There are, of course, downsides. He's alone, a lot of the time. No one else really appreciates everything he does, all the hard work that goes into turning his world into the best it can be for him. Sure, they get close sometimes, like when there's an experiment and he and Logan get to go full mad-scientist, or when he and Janus are gleefully stirring all manner of shit up for everyone else, or when he and Roman throw literally everything they can at every sort of wall just to see what might stick. But when those times are over, and he's back to being the same old, messy Remus, he gets…lonely.

Especially when there's something that would make them think he's something else.

He's got a reputation. He's supposed to be dark, twisted, messy, chaotic, that sort of thing. He's annoying, the voices in your head that you just can't get to go away, the song that won't stop playing in your head at 2 in the morning when all you want to do is go to sleep.

He can't exactly expect them to believe him when he says the songs he wants to keep playing are something like…Taylor Swift.

He's got an image to maintain! And that image doesn't go well with, y'know…something like that. He's no stranger to other people's shame, but his own…well, he might get why people hate feeling it so much.

Roman, though, is his brother, and as such gets full rights to both tease him about things and find out whatever he wants to know. And Roman is his brother, which means that he loves him unconditionally. So maybe the two of them can sing along to Taylor Swift at 3 in the morning and if Roman takes the fall for being the one obsessed with her stuff, well, that's for them to know and Janus to find out when he figures out what Roman's lying about this time.

It's fine, they'll just make him listen to 'no body, no crime.' That song's right up his alley.

***

Roman is tired.

He's just…really tired.

Being the prince, being Thomas's Hopes and Dreams, his Creativity—well, half of it—trying to keep everything afloat…it's tiring.

The others don't know this—well, Remus might—but he's the main anchor point between Thomas and the Mindscape. They're all products of Thomas's imagination, which he uses his Creativity to make and interact with, which means that…them, the Mindscape, the Imagination, it's…well, he has to spend a lot of energy to keep it the way it is.

It's tiring.

So sometimes, he doesn't have it in him to play the role. Sometimes he can't focus on staying away long enough to do all the work they want him to do on top of all the stuff they don't know he's doing. And sometimes…sometimes it's just a little bit too much.

They find him on the floor of his room one night, just watching the moon. They gather blankets and pillows and stuffed animals and build a little nest, right there around him. Remus opens the door to the Imagination to lighten a little bit of the load and Logan helps Patton coax Thomas the rest of the way to sleep, letting them shift to the dreaming mind instead.

He's so tired. Surrounded by the others, with his mind at peace, he finally gets some rest.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs@el-does-photography@princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl@raven1508

[dotemakesthings]

forgotten but not gone

(please be gentle, y’all, this is the first public fic I’ve posted since basically… ever)

inspired by/remix of the cursed light by datfearlessfangirl

okay, so.

the first Split was relatively harmless, believe it or not. it separated out Remus and Roman, sure, but the sides all still lived together and cared about each other.

as a teen/young adult, the sides were in cutesy little pairs.

Janus and Roman, the theater gays.

Virgil and Logan, the couple that considers sitting silently in a room together with headphones on a romantic activity.

and Remus and Patton, the chaotic powerhouses who love nothing more than making messes in the kitchen and screaming I-love-you’s from across the house.

but then

the second split.

it was a crisis of morality and identity on Thomas’s part

so intense that it ripped the mindscape in two

the “acceptable” sides simply got their memories wiped, starting from scratch

while the dark sides were locked away and hurt.

now, neither side knew about the others and the effect it had on them

so when the light sides saw a closet oozing with Bad Feelings, they felt it best to investigate for the good of Thomas

and they were greeted with monsters.

Remus, screaming out horrific imagery and banging his head raw and bloody against the wall

Virgil, spiraling into such a bad panic attack that the shadows around him were lashing out without him realizing

and Janus, fangs and all six arms out, who uncontrollably lied about how they were useless here, how they weren’t wanted, they needed to get out, ssssstupid little sides

the lights screamed

and ran out

the darks chased them

because, here’s the thing

imagine you have known someone all your life. you know their tics, what makes them happy

and you’re not afraid of what they’re like when they’re in distress, because you know what to expect. and you know you’re safe with them.

now. imagine meeting someone for the first time on your absolute worst day.

that’s what happened to the darks.

the Patton of before would have rushed to Remus, gently guiding him away from the wall and crooning soothing nonsense to drown out his babble about death and gore and being alone alone alone

the Roman of before would have nodded and taken none of what Janus was saying at face value, cradling Janus’s hands in his own and humming a quiet tune 

and the Logan of before would have tapped out a slow, calm rhythm next to Virgil until he could breathe and handle touch again

but they didn’t know any of that anymore.

all they saw were monsters.

and all the dark sides saw were their friends, family, lovers there when they needed help. 

the light sides fled back to the upper mindscape 

and the darks slammed into the barrier

screaming and clawing at the invisible wall

for someone to help

for their family to look at them

for someone to explain what was going on

and the light sides closed and locked the door with a sigh of shaky relief.

now, the light sides develop something of an ingrained bad reaction to the darks due to this colossally bad first impression.

Patton: disgust, fear, thin veneer of trying to be polite while getting them to leave the vicinity as soon as possible

Logan: coldness, indifference. not cruelty but no warmth or allowances

Roman: fear masked by anger and intense protectiveness.

and the dark sides all deal with the upheaval, betrayal, and pain in different ways.

Virgil: depressed, afraid, tends to lash out at the slightest provocation. goes from snarky to mean.

Janus: gives up and pretends everything is fine. sees no point in hurting himself to get something back that can't be replaced or repaired. covers heartbreak with snark. can't quite stop himself from flirting with Roman but pretends it's just manipulation. focuses just on Thomas and what's best for him, ignoring all else.

Remus: wears his rotting heart on his sleeve. tries the hardest to get Patton back and is the least equipped to do so. isn't exactly trying to keep the others' spirits up, but more just doesn't lose hope that they can somehow fix this. 

the dark sides can only come to the main mindscape at all at night at first.

the barrier stops them any other time

it’s Remus who finds out first, mindlessly banging his head against the barrier to pass the time only to fall flat on his face when it fizzles out

and they all slowly start sneaking in at night to see the home that they were thrown out of

and slowly, the lights start having odd little incidents

nothing in person, at first.

Roman: he finds something in progress and abandoned at the border between the imagination halves that he and Remus both worked on. he can't figure out why it looks so recent even though he can’t remember ever getting along with his brother this well.

Patton: he's having a Sad Night. he thinks he's hiding it well, but someone (Virgil) notices and leaves him cookies that are one of his favorites. not a secret recipe, just ones he likes. there's a little note saying that sometimes it's okay to have a second cookie. Patton can't figure out who would know him this well.

Logan: he’s dealing with an absolute menace of a meeting. he gets back to his room, seething all the way, to see a plain porcelain plate with an unsigned note saying “break me all you want, nerd! I’ll put myself back together!”. he experimentally drops it from a few feet up. it shatters with a very satisfying crack and then, a few seconds later, reassembles itself in his hand. he has a grand old time shattering the plate against the wall again and again until his rage has subsided to a manageable level. he can’t figure out who would come up with an idea like this.

and then there start being little middle-of-the-night interactions. because for some reason, the light sides have a much harder time falling asleep nowadays.

Virgil looks over Roman’s shoulder as he watches a Disney movie in the living room at three AM to try and fall asleep. Anxiety offers a teasing insult to the protagonist. Roman jumps out of his skin, at first threatening to stab him, but then lets him tentatively settle in on the counter behind him. they roast the movie together, gradually picking up steam until Roman actually laughs at something Anxiety says. they both freeze and stare at each other for a heartbeat until Roman sinks out without a word.

Patton finds himself tucked into bed after a too-long day sorting through Thomas' emotional responses. when he wakes up, there's a somehow still steaming cup of sweet herbal tea that tastes like a snickerdoodle. he vaguely remembers a soft voice hissing at him that he needs to pay more attention to his own needs.

Logan is reading philosophy textbooks and muttering to himself out loud. Janus offers a quiet critique. they have a heartbeat of wonderful discussion before Logan "remembers" himself and shuts it down.

eventually, through all this, their memories start coming back. it’s triggered slowly through their platonic interactions with their friends, and then all at once by their romantic partners.

(because the love of friends is just as impactful and important as the love of a partner)

Patton: 

Patton is sad and frustrated, muttering to himself and pacing in the kitchen.

someone walks in and he immediately stops and snaps into happy pappy Patton mode. “Oh hey, kiddo-“

it's Remus, who just cocks his head and says "you know you don't have to do that with me, right?"

and after some protesting on Morality’s part

he ends up goading Patton into a very cathartic expression of anger, fear, and frustration, and helps him sort it out. 

at some point, Remus has shifted to holding Patton in a loose embrace as Patton waves his hands and rants and sobs.

Patton doesn’t realize that he burrows deeper into Remus’ arms every time he wiggles.

to the point that he’s turned sideways in Remus’ lap, with one arm curled around him and the other one free to gesture.

and then when it’s all over, they’re talked out, and it’s almost sunrise, Remus reluctantly starts to tear himself away. 

and Patton, who quite suddenly cannot bear the thought of Remus letting him go, holds on

Logan: 

panic attacks? Logan? certainly not. he doesn’t get those.

so when he finds himself gasping for air, feeling like his chest is on fire, and locked into his worst thoughts, he doesn’t know what to do

because he knows how to treat panic attacks

but this isn’t one. definitely

and even if it was, for some reason all his knowledge on how to treat them is slipping from his mind no matter how hard he tries to reach from it

you have to breathe? somehow? but he can’t breathe, can’t think

and somehow through it, he hears a raspy voice

counting steadily and quietly

and he realizes that there’s a stim toy placed in his hands that he’s wringing.

and it looks familiar, but he knows he’s never seen it before

and there’s soft, flowy music playing from a Bluetooth speaker next to him

and that feels familiar too

and without quite knowing why, only having a bone-deep certainty that it’ll help, he slumps over into the person sitting next to him

smells lavender and laundry detergent

feels soft fabric under his cheek

and suddenly everything snaps into place

oh

of course

why does he feel so safe? because he’s with the safest person in the world.

Roman: 

okay so

Roman alternates between being scared of Deceit and feeling extremely attracted to him

this, naturally, freaks Roman out

and he expresses this by getting more and more aggressive towards Janus

at some point, he panics and attacks Deceit

Deceit freezes with Roman’s sword to his throat. they stare at each other

before Janus sinks out

a day or so later, he comes back

all six hands up, ungloved, and open to show that he means no harm

“You win.”

“… What?” says Roman.

“You. Win. I’m tired of fighting you. Grant me one last request and you’ll never have to see me again.”

some buried part of Roman is conflicted. but his conscious self jumps at the opportunity. “What do you want, snake?”

“Dance with me.”

“… What.”

“Grant me the honor of one dance, my prince, and I’ll leave. You’ll never have to deal with my presence again.”

And Roman, wary of some trap but eager to be rid of the beautiful confusing disgusting snake, agrees.

They rise up in an elegantly decorated ballroom

dressed in a fancy suit (Roman) and an elegant ballgown (Deceit)

and they dance

at first, stilted and formal

keeping to the steps and no more

but then Janus seems to come to some internal conclusion

and folds himself in close to Roman

before spinning outwards, skirt swirling, and coming back in

and somehow, without Roman quite knowing why, they’re dancing.

flourishes, leaning into each other, Roman even lifting Deceit into the air at one point

and his heart keeps pinging strangely

aching

(familiar, this is familiar, you’ve done this before)

but eventually, the dance has to end

and they both come to a stop as the song finishes, panting heavily

Janus is smiling through his heavy breaths

and Roman finds he is too

but Janus’ smile cracks and falls and he steps back.

“Well,” he says. “That was the deal.”

and he lifts Roman’s hand, which somehow has his sword in it although it didn’t a second before, so that the blade is at his throat

just like the night before

“One quick cut ought to do it.”

Self Preservation exposes his throat to his beloved. 

because he doesn't want to hurt Roman. 

because this dance was his last selfish act before he gives up

one last moment to remember his prince by

and Roman pauses with his sword at Janus’ throat.

because Roman can't figure out why Janus, the evil self serving snake, wouldn't take an opportunity to hurt him to save himself

why he asked for this dance at all

why his arms around him felt like home

and all of a sudden

the memories he’s been denying all this time hit him like a truck

and he remembers

(after all that, Roman congratulates Janus on his idea to bring his memories back by dancing together)

(Janus smiles at him and changes the subject)

the barrier weakens the more that the lights feel comfortable around the darks.

the more that Thomas feels comfortable around them.

by the time everyone’s memory is back, it’s like it was never there at all.

[clydesavage-thefox147]

CW//Suggestive Content?

I don't think we realize just how dirty Janus' Spotify Playlist is. We've overlooked it so much. In this little analysis post, I wanna point out the handful of songs that show the sluttiness behind the Snake-Man because damn this playlist shows he can't keep it in his pants. You thought Remus is dirty..you haven't seen Janus...

First is "I put a spell on you" By Nina Simone. This song is believed to be about the poisonous and hypnotic throws of love. The dedication and devotion of love. Specifically a jealous love. Of wanting someone who doesn't want you. I'm not exactly sure who this could be directed to. It could be directed at Roman but I think there's another song that hints to that. Could be Virgil but again, there's another song that could be that as well. Overall a sexy song regardless, come on, it has the word Daddy in it ffs.

Second is "Evil Night Together" by Jill Tracy. This song is believed to be about seduction in the darkness of life. The art of manipulation through allure and enticement. Feeling of intimacy beyond ordinary and the unknowns of seduction. Embracing darker parts of yourself instead of holding back. This song to me seems directed at Roman and what Janus did during SvS. Enticing him with the happiness of the callback and the positive praise he's always wanted. Keeping Roman on a leash of temptation for the betterment and self-desire of Thomas achieving his goals and dreams. With lines like "Who's gonna make you a hero?" It only just further shows that.

Third is "Cabaret: Don't Tell Mama" from Cabaret, which features Liza Minnelli. This song is about a young women who has an active nightlife working as a nightclub erotic dancer and performer. She doesn't want her conservative mother finding out about her exploits so she pleads for no one to snitch. It's interesting here because Liza Minnelli is in this and Roman wanted Liza as a wedding performer..and Liza wears an outfit very similar to something Janus would wear...I think you see what I'm going for here.

Fourth is "You're a Cad" by The Bird and the Bee. This song is believed to be about a woman falling for a man, knowing he has a bad reputation. She knows this man wants to be better but she doesn't see a point in him doing so since it's never enough. Even hinting that she could be worse than him, making them perfect for one another and partners in their chaos. She taunts and teases him "Tug at your line" , "Wait by the phone", "You're reckless with my heart" all lines alluding to the fact of attraction. She could and would waste her life on someone she knows is bad for her, she doesn't care. This song is 100% directed at Virgil. With lines like "So now you want the whole world to notice that you've come around, now you expect we'll see how you're really so much better now" and "What's the point pretending that you could be a better man? Just give in since you always end up right back where you began" all hint to Janus being aware of Virgil's departure from the Dark Sides and his attempts to be better and change but he knows Virgil will always fail. Virgil in response with "Ignorance" on his own playlist shows that he thinks Janus is blind to his change. But yeah, very "loving" song towards Virge dontcha think?

And fifth and finally is "Criminal" by Fiona Apple. This song is believed to be about a woman who used her sexuality to exploit and manipulate a man. She feels regret for doing so even if it's what she had to do. This song is basically the musical equivalent of saying "I've been a naughty boy, punish me". Another song seemingly directed Roman. Showing Janus does feel bad for doing what he did to Roman despite it being for the greater good. He knew Roman was sensitive and insecure but that's how he knew to get to him for a betterment. Yes, he knew it was shitty but it had to be done. It also hints to still lingering feelings. Like "oh I'm so bad to you, a villain you say, well why don't you punish me since you like that" You could say it's also directed at Patton with a line like "I've been careless with a delicate man" but that could be Roman or Patton honestly.

So with all of that said, it seems Janus is quite the whore. I mean 2 songs directed Roman in a provocative manner. And 1 song directed Virgil. And just the overall seduction and temptation of these songs shows his slutty nature. Snakes are even common symbols for sexuality. This snake man knows how to play his deck and dick right...or dicks if you believe that lol

[fandombead]

Misconception About Patton (SvS)

I think I've seen a lot of takeaways from this episode be that Patton pushed for what he wanted regardless of how the others felt. However, I believe this is ignoring first that he's a facet of c!Thomas and represents his core values and thus what Thomas ultimately believed was right as well, even if he wasn't happy about it.

Interesting quotes that I think get forgotten or removed from context about how SVS went down:

I find it interesting that people claim Patton manipulated the others, namely Roman. I dispute this because of the intent required for something to be manipulation vs misguiding someone and the word is thrown around carelessly. Janus, however, was the one to actually "manipulate" Roman to his advantage in the situation, and while you can justify it, I am simply pointing out that people do not get on his case as harshly for this thing they claim Patton did.

Patton is the product of c!Thomas's inner learned morality + his feelings, which makes the host as guilty as any of them for that representation of trying to break out of a learned mindset, which Patton is. He's changing as c!Thomas learns, and making mistakes such as not listening to the other parts of Thomas that may suggest he is not a perfect, "good" person by their original standards. Categorizing yourself as a "good" or "bad" person based on some scoring system is not something you want to do: people DO good and bad (and neutral) things, they aren't good or bad themselves.

Labeling yourself as "good" may just help you justify everything you do even when it's objectively bad because "well I'm a good person so this is good too". And labeling yourself (or others labeling you) as "bad" might just make you feel stuck and like you can never be anything more, and so you just become it with all your decisions. These are not the human experience. Nuance aside, everything is relative and you'll be picking apart every aspect of yourself trying to figure out "which you are".

Thomas is essentially trying to convince part of himself that it'd be okay to go against his morals for a beneficial reason. There was no right answer (going to the wedding or not) that would make everyone happy; Patton was doing what they asked and giving Thomas the moral answer based on c!Thomas's sincere priorities (like his friendships and being trustworthy).

(Pat's the emotional center AND the moral center of Thomas, which conflict more often than not, and are part of the reason this guy really struggled with separating the two while making his case-- he's unfortunately the holder of both.)

Where Patton was wrong was putting others first 100% of the time. Now, to be fair to Patton, he did agree that there are times when you should put yourself first, but they were circumstantial and in service to helping others more. This isn't healthy and is on the extreme end close to self harmful because you're prioritizing others even when you don't have the means to give, which can lead to burnout and neglect of yourself. The "opposite" end of this is only caring about your own means and using others as a means to an end. Both of these can lead to ruining your social and emotional connections to others.

And again, these are manifestations of the inner turmoil c!Thomas is having. These are his beliefs (read as "moral code") vs his wants battling it out and no matter what he settled on given the options, he'd have been unhappy. (note though: Roman did bring up simply asking Lee and Mary Lee about this directly and sometimes open communication is the best solution-- a lot of the time, actually)

At the end of the day in this part, Patton was defending c!Thomas ' character and relationships (which are important to them) while Janus wanted c!Thomas to not feel obligated to put his own goals behind the wants of others, especially with minimum benefit in both regards (Thomas's presence at the wedding was less impactful for them than the callback would have potentially been for Thomas, and it was a high Opportunity Cost).

Patton is essentially a representation of a religious upbringing sticking certain ideals in your core beliefs that even once you separate yourself from it, still for better or worse guide a lot about you. He's changing and evolving from that, and I do get why a character like this puts a bad taste in people's mouths and they associate him with that. That's entirely valid and I get it. This isn't about that-- I'm not over here arguing he did nothing wrong or that you can't hate him for whatever reason you want, that's not what I'm saying nor what I care about here-- I'm just clearing up what I've seen in canon versus how a majority neurodivergent fandom with certain life experiences might have warped the view of him in hindsight. This is not a malicious jerk trying to get his way and at the other extreme, he's not an innocent bean who wasn't ever in the wrong.

There ARE other examples of him pushing points associated with his roles and having to change throughout the series to this point. He just is the one looked at the hardest out of the sides (who all do this at some point in the series) because he's supposed to have all the answers when morality is one of the most difficult things you have to figure out in life. He didn't claim to have all the answers, but c!Thomas needs them from him to be the best person he can, and that will ultimately conflict and be more complicated than the black-and-white morality kids get taught and then have to alter as they grow up and see a complex world.

We all have to deal with that and it's uncomfortable to confront it. It manifesting in one character separate from yourself is easier than consolidating that that's a part of everyone, and one that isn't fun to examine all the time. I just really like how the show brings philosophies I studied into the next episode, but do think that a chunk of the audience did misunderstand / block out what Patton was actually saying/trying to do...I'm gonna rewatch the Redux episode and also keep an eye out for what people might be talking about when they specifically talk about his actions being problematic there, but I definitely believe the intent of this character (and how Thomas has presented him) does not get to the conclusion of him being willfully any more pushy or mistaken than the others at one point or another.

[jackalopes-pen]

Dumb Brain Child

Gadies and lentlemen of the internet, when we got a Janus video did anyone except me to not make a post about my favorite side? I think most of most followers did. So, go watch the newest video, come back, and strap in.

(before anything, I'm aware I'm four days late. SHUT.)

So, the first thing that caught my eye was that, in theory, the GRWM is working from a c!Thomas disguise, which apparently he has, to his look. This could be good to know for the finale in case c!Thomas is acting off/ argumentative.

Janus appears to have some degree of pride about his appearance being replicated right (?). It could be an internal thing (ex: they don't pay enough attention to me ot get it right) or (look at me more, please). Either one, his ego is the size of Canada.

Next thing! Janus doesn't have both eyebrows. He has to cover C!Thomas' up with colour correction, glue, and foundation. So he definitely possesses only one eyebrow which is weird when you think too long about it. While doing this section, he mentions that he enjoys reality television because none of it is real and it's purely underhanded deception... which tracks. It also tells us that he does enjoy seeing other liars at work when it's done well and in a non-self-deprecating way. This probably part of the reason he calls out Patton & Roman for their lies. Their lies hurt themselves.

S/N: Remus eating Janus' glue sticks is so canon and I adore it.

The thing that made me make this whole post in the first place was when we got to the eye section. His smile dropped. You can see, as soon as he says "eye" his mouth muscles relax showing that he isn't happy anymore. Clearly, his eye is a sensitive subject and this is even when the fan questions are introduced as a distraction from the eye section.

Could this actually be a scar like Joan said? A scar that Janus is very insecure about. He doesn't talk at all about the actual makeup during this, he just answers fan questions and mentions colour mixing. He also says during this section that he has dark circles, perhaps implying that he isn't taking as much care of himself as he wants the rest to believe. Dark circles are a sign of loss of sleep and stress. After all, he states "The only opinion that matters in your own" but what if your own opinion is negative? It could also just be a case of Remus is a bad roommate.

We see during the mouth section, that Janus apparently has "snake telepathy" which may contribute to Ye Olde "Roman was not Roman during Moving On 1 & 2" theory. Janus could;ve been using telepathy to guide Roman's decisions.

Finally, we get to the scales which Janus is clearly very proud of. He adores his scales. He talks about how they're pretty, and highlights them with his hands. It is fun to see that something he gets a lot of insults for is something he really likes and won't take shit about.

Final Conclusion:

This was an in-character cosplay tutorial that I looked into way too much.

[beauty-and-passion]

FSS3: Season 2 finale - Part 1

Welcome, everyone, to the unofficial season 2 finale.

First I will post the four parts of my take on the season 2 finale of Sanders Sides, then all the episodes of season 3.

Updates every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

HERE is the explanation of the project

HERE is the introductory post

HERE the AO3 link to read this part (every part will be available both here and on AO3)

As said in the introductory post, Fanders Sides Season 3 (season 2 finale included) could have triggering themes/scenes. Please keep that in mind before reading.

And now, finally, let's start.

_______________________________

This episode serves as a recap of the situation until now.

Thomas and Nico are on a date and we get to know Nico a little more: he studied art and literature. He wants to be a songwriter and a few singers already commissioned him some songs, but he’s still not gaining enough money to leave his current job. So, he keeps working as a bartender and he usually picks the night shifts, because the salary is better. Also, he’s kind of a night owl, so he doesn’t mind staying up late.

Thomas comes back home, still giggly and excited about the date. Everything was perfect, everything was amazing, Nico is amazing.

Roman approves and revels in the beautiful feeling of love. He looks completely satisfied and relaxed, even if his expression still shows an underlying tension.

Logan is happy too. Nico seems nice, but they are still wasting too much time in basic discussions about themselves: they should talk more about art and literature, since Nico is an expert in this field. They can compare their favorite writers, talk about their favorite singers and discuss the different musical genres.

Roman doesn’t care about the topic of their conversations: they can talk about everything they want, they can even talk about grocery lists and it would still be wonderful and perfect.

Patton is happy for Roman and admits that yes, Nico really seems like a nice guy. It’s good Thomas found love, he makes his old dad proud!

Virgil gives a sarcastic remark: jeez, thanks Patton for giving your approval, now we can keep seeing him. But we’ll do it anyway, because Nico seems a very cool guy.

Thomas agrees: Nico is great, isn’t he?

All Sides give their approval, except for Janus, who just stays in a corner, minding his own business. Thomas notices it and asks him what he thinks about Nico.

Janus replies that he’s not interested in Thomas’ mushy, romantic feelings. They are not his area of expertise.

(Both Roman and Virgil give him a dirty look.)

However, adds Janus, since it looks like this guy makes Thomas happy, he is happy as well.

Thomas confirms he’s very happy indeed and tells his Sides there will be another date tomorrow. He is over the moon, he can’t believe Nico enjoys his company so much, to ask him for another date!

At the same time, he’s a bit worried: is it okay? Are they truly ready for this? He doesn’t feel… ready. Is he going too fast, maybe?

Roman laughs: too fast? If anything, they’re going too slow! Thomas should’ve already confessed his love and called Nico his boyfriend! But they’re still stuck in the “friends/a little more than friends” stage! Thomas should make his move asap and get Nico before someone else does it.

Yes, Remus confirms, by suddenly appearing and scaring the shit out of everyone (except for Logan, who just rolls his eyes). You better get a move on, Thomas. Just tear his pants apart, then go straight for the d…

You can’t hurry these things, Logan interrupts Remus. Relationships take time to grow, hurrying them would lead to regret and disappointing expectations.

Patton agrees: Thomas needs more time to get to know Nico better. Right now, he cares for Nico, sure… but he doesn’t love him yet.

Janus confirms that yes, of course Thomas needs more time. He cannot pretend to fully know a guy he met twice.

Roman dismisses their protests: they don’t know what they’re saying and they’re all stupid anyway. They just talked about how cool Nico is and how great this relationship is for Thomas! Of course they should make the next move as soon as possible! But Virgil knows better and he will side with Roman, right?

Virgil takes a moment to look around and bite his nails. Then, under Roman’s expecting gaze, he finally admits that Thomas needs more time.

Roman is shocked: what? Why? Weren’t they both on board with this?

Sure they are, Virgil confirms. But they also need more time.

Roman raises his voice: they did it together, Virgil was the one who pushed Thomas to start this relationship and now he wants Thomas to slow down?! Doesn’t he care about Thomas? Doesn’t he see how happy he is and how happy they both are? Thomas and Nico should be a couple asap! They should be boyfriends now!

Every word makes Virgil feel more and more uneasy. The others notice it and, in the end, it’s Janus who snaps first by asking Roman a simple question: do they really know who Nico is?

Sure they know, Roman replies. He’s the cute guy they met in the mall, he’s a poet, a songwriter, an artist and a beautiful soul.

And what does this “beautiful soul” really want? Janus asks. Are they really sure Nico wants Thomas for who he is? What if he wants to exploit Thomas’ fame for himself? What if his kindness is just a façade and all Nico wants is to use Thomas to pursue his career? He admitted he’s not making enough money with his songs: but if he finds a guy with a stable fanbase and enough money, he can drop the job he doesn’t like and let Thomas pay everything for him.

Roman protests: Nico is not like that! He didn’t even know Thomas was an influencer! Heck, he had absolutely no idea of who he was, before Thomas himself told him today! It’s pretty clear he doesn’t like him for his fame!

Janus crosses his arms: so you think it’s pretty normal that a normal guy accepts a date from the weirdo who admitted he spent hours spying on him and his backpack?

It was to check if he was gay as well!, Roman protests. Thomas wasn’t “spying” on him!

So it wasn’t weird? Janus retorts. A guy approaches you, tells you he was checking if you’re gay and you think he’s good enough for a date? Would Thomas have done the same? Of course not. But what if it was a famous influencer who stalked him and asked for a date? Now that guy doesn’t seem such a weirdo as before, right?

Not good in both cases, Logan replies. You cannot trust random people, whether they are strangers or influencers.

So, Janus continues with a thankful nod towards Logan, since this is common knowledge and Nico looks clever enough to know that, then there should be another reason why he thought it was okay to accept Thomas’ request: he knew who Thomas was and wanted to exploit the situation.

Roman protests again: Nico accepted Thomas because he was touched by his purity and honesty. By openly admitting what he was doing, Thomas proved he was good and kind. And since Nico is good and kind too, he agreed to go on a date with him. His honesty attracted Nico, not his money or fame. And Janus would know too, if he had any idea of what honesty is.

Patton intervenes because he notices the rising tension and admits that, hey, they both have a point. Sure, Nico seems trustworthy and kind and nice… but they also do not know him well enough to be sure. And even if he feels it’s okay to trust Nico, he wants everyone to feel the same. And Thomas should think about it too.

Thomas agrees with Patton: he should take his time, until every part of him feels more at ease with the idea of pushing things further with Nico. He should learn more about him, to know where his heart is. And Nico should prove to him that he likes Thomas for who he is and not for his fame or money.

Patton nods: he’s very proud of Thomas’ decision. He’s really growing up and becoming a mature boy!

Janus agrees too: Thomas should keep his guard up and not blindly trust everyone.

Logan agrees: a longer relationship will only strengthen their bond.

Virgil approves too: spending more time developing their relationship will make Virgil feel more at ease and ready for when it will be time to push things further.

Remus shrugs and leaves, without a single care.

Roman, on the other hand, doesn’t say anything. He just balls his hands into fists, before sinking with a furious expression.

_______________________________

END CARD

Virgil and Roman are discussing and Roman accuses Virgil of not siding up with him. Three Sides were against him, but if Virgil sided up with him and his stupid brother, they would’ve reached a tie. But he chose to take these traitors’ side instead!

Virgil justifies himself: it’s not that he doesn’t want to push things further with Nico, but all things need time and he’s the first who needs more time. He still is 100% on Roman’s side, he just asks for a little more time. That’s all.

Roman is still angry and leaves, to sink into his room. We see a study, part of a table filled with documents/scripts/books.

Roman hides his face between his hands. For a moment, it looks like he will start to cry: the moment after, he stands up angrier than before and, with a frustrated scream, throws everything that is on his desk on the floor. He even picks up a book and angrily throws it against a mirror.

The broken mirror echoes in his ears, his reflection shows an orange hue in his eyes. Roman snaps out of his fury: he looks around, while a disembodied voice softly snickers in his ears.

Roman yells to “go away” and “leave him alone”, until the snickering stops and he’s alone again, in his trashed studio.

_______________________________

AUTHOR’S NOTE

As said in the beginning, this episode serves as a recap, because it’s been YEARS since the last canonical episode and people have all the reasons to forget what the fuck happened. So we will reintroduce Nico and raise the conflict between the Sides once again. Too many useless things happened in the meantime, we need them to rebuild the tension.

In addition to that, I wanted to reintroduce the trademark element of Sanders Sides, which is Thomas standing in his living room and talking about an issue with his Sides. Not all episodes have to be huge and complicated after all, especially this one which is just part 1 of 4.

However, along with the trademark element, I also added a new element, which is the private conversations between Sides, in which we can expand on them, their conflicts and their ideas.

And yes, I added one first little orangey hint, because it was time to give something more than just orange eyes. Consider this an additional element of tension. This is a finale, after all.

( Support me on Ko-fi )

_______________________________

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[orbmanson7]

Going to expand a little further on some thoughts from this post, but with more focus on Logan and what we can learn from WTIT.

In WTIT, Logan specifically said to Thomas, "You are fixating on a situation that is making you feel especially insecure. And that situation is out of your control. Dealing with this messy apartment would make you feel more secure, but it's also stressing you out because there's a lot to do, and you don't want to do it. All of that is a perfect recipe for intrusive thoughts, which you are not particularly well-equipped to handle right now given your low self-esteem."

So, in essence, what Logan is saying here is that Remus is thriving because Roman is not. Logan has recognized both the problem and its causes, and knows (part of) the solution. However, Logan is attempting to resolve the whole thing on his own, when that simply won't work.

As he mentioned, Thomas can't handle Remus because of his low self-esteem, which is indicative of Roman being down in the dumps and unmotivated. Without lifting Roman's self-esteem, Remus will continue to bother Thomas and push him to stress. And the more stress Thomas endures, the more anxiety he has, indicating that Virgil may be out of control or having an immense effect on Thomas. This, too, cannot be resolved without confronting and trying to help Virgil, likely by listening and caring about what he has to say (his issue is currently more directed at Thomas than it is the other sides, though). Beyond that, Patton has been adding to Thomas' stress, as well, in a myriad of ways, and Janus has stepped in to get Thomas to care for himself, but Patton is likely to still make Thomas feel guilty about it, continuing to add to his stress and preventing him from properly resting or getting the help he may need at this time… Which, in turn, adds back to the stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem he's experiencing.

And then there's Logan. Like I've said before, Logan is attempting to fix all this on his own. He recognizes the others' contributions that can help Thomas and even utilizes them on their behalf to help Thomas, he uses his knowledge and research to help Thomas stabilize and keep calm, and he takes on the task of getting Thomas motivated and adhering to a schedule to get him back on track, knowing it is likely to increase his security, lower his stress, and help motivate him further. It is not an end-all be-all solution to what Thomas is experiencing, but it's a very good step in the right direction… if he could get it to work. The problem here is, Thomas doesn't want to do it, and this is likely a culmination of every other problem he's had up to this point.

Logan is dealing with the final boss before bothering to defeat any of the other mini-bosses that come before it, so, of course, he's bound to fail.

Unfortunately for Logan, failure isn't something he accepts easily, and he will only continue to find the resolution to all of Thomas' problems in similar ways, and continue to receive this same result because he's fighting this thing all on his own and not bothering to consult the others and bring a team, all equipped to help each other and defeat this thing properly.

We can infer this from Remus' little lyric change during WTIT, when he taunts Logan with his dunce cap, singing "can't fix this guy all by yourself."

Something that's been obvious for a while now is Logan's passion project of trying to keep Thomas punctual and to take on preventative care measures so Thomas can be more productive, more healthy, more available, and overall happier. But any time Logan has worked on scheduling with Thomas, he brings it up to Thomas and only Thomas. He doesn't gather input from the others, he just offers to help them schedule their time, too, which they likely feel hindered by and thus don't appreciate. But when it comes to later episodes like DWIT and WTIT? Logan is taking it upon himself to resolve Thomas' dilemma, with no consultation from the others, it's just him trying to keep Thomas calm, caring for him, debating cognitive distortions, and reminding him how to handle Remus…all while hoping to get Thomas on track enough to complete some overdue tasks that will continue to benefit Thomas in the future.

Now, he seems to be doing this because he is deeming it necessary as part of his function as one of Thomas' sides, filling a role that he believes is going unfulfilled, but why the hell is he taking on so much of this responsibility when clearly his own ideal scenario involves following his schedule and helping Thomas that way instead?

To be fair, even if he just went and asked for the other sides' help now, they wouldn't listen, and they would be unlikely to see why what he's doing would help Thomas, and they'd also be very unmotivated to do anything about it at this current stage anyway. Logan needs to work with the other sides to help resolve their issues first, then they can all work together. Doesn't seem efficient, but it's the only thing that will work. But he hasn't repaired the foundation that's been shifted and broken and he hasn't laid the groundwork to maintain or improve his relationships to the other sides, and that prevents him from improving anyone's situation, including his own. Logan sees that social requisite as inefficient, but fails to realize that he'll never succeed in convincing Thomas (and the other sides) to listen to him without it.

Logan will either continue to endure failure after failure, believing he is at fault for not utilizing better methods after each one, until he finally stops having the motivation to keep trying, or he will fully break, having already endured so much up to this point, and it will be ultimately dismissed as none of the other sides or Thomas have been made privy to Logan's personal struggles as he hasn't bothered to share them with anyone, effectively preventing him from earning that compassion and understanding from the others.

To truly defeat this final boss, Logan will need to reach out to the other sides, not only to help them with their problems but to explain and hopefully ask for assistance with his own. And that will probably end up being harder to do than fighting all these mini-bosses will have ever been. But it's the only way to get the sides and Thomas to work together as a team and finally help Thomas improve his way of life and relieve his stress.

[anxiousgaypanicking]

Handjobs

!a series of me uploading the kinktober fics/drabbles i made years ago because i didnt back in 2020 for some fuckin reason. if these are bad/poor quality its because theyre old, and ive improved since then :)!

Dukemile (Remus x Emile) Day 1: Handjob Warnings: handjobs, obviously

"Ya know, when Jan said he was sending me to therapy, I pictured more of like... conversion therapy," Remus admits, falling onto the couch in Emile's office.

Emile let out a short laugh. "No, of course not. That'd be inhumane. Besides, I'm gay, so it'd be kind of hypocritical for me to run one of those, wouldn't it?"

Remus grunts in response, as he kicks one of his feet up onto the back of the sofa, the other one dangling off of the couch entirely, as he rests his hands behind his head. He tilts his head slightly, cracking open one of his eyes so he could look at Emile's annoyed face.

Because who wouldn't be annoyed with Remus rubbing his extremely dirty boots on their furniture?

Janus and Logan constantly told him to get his feet off the table, or off the couch, or off of the ceiling, so why wouldn't Emile do the same?

So, he was pretty surprised, when he saw Emile just sitting there, holding his notepad in hand. He simply smiled and cocked his head slightly when Remus looked at him.

"I see you've made yourself comfortable," Emile states, in a rather playful tone.

Remus's cocky smile falters. Huh.

He quickly shakes his head, a smile reappearing on his face. "Indeed I have; I see you have eyes. Well, four eyes, considering the glasses." Remus cackled at his own dumb joke, while Emile just continued smiling.

When Remus saw that he was still just peppy, he couldn't help the huff that escaped him.

"Janus tells me you haven't been your usual self lately," Emile suddenly begins, Remus's eyes snapping over to him. "Care to tell me what that's all about?"

Remus rolls his eyes, his smile falling into a bored frown. "Janus is a liar. Don't know why I even let him send me here anyway. He probably got the idea from Mr. Innocent. That bitch..." Remus didn't notice he was fiddling with his sash as he spoke, his eyebrows furrowed.

Emile let out a hum, his smile finally disappearing, and a considering look appearing on his face. "Do you have an issue with Janus right now? Or with... Mr. Innocent?"

"Yes! I do, actually!" Remus immediately pushed himself into a sitting position, criss-crossed on the couch, although this time he wasn't keeping his boots up there on purpose.

"I just wake up one day, and Janus is gone! No note, no goodbye, and I head over to the light sides to see if Thomas became a nun or something so that he couldn't lie, and Janus is over there, laughing and smiling with Patton, as if all is well and good!" Remus was letting out all that had been built up.

He'd always tended to ramble, but now that Janus was gone, he's had no one to ramble to. And now the intrusive thoughts have been swarming his head due to the loneliness, which was heavily impacting Thomas and his mental health.

That's the only reason Janus sent him here. He came back to the dark sides just to tell Remus that he'd scheduled him an appointment with Emile.

And he originally didn't plan on showing up, but his loneliness got the better of him.

Remus let out another huff as he crossed his arms over his chest. "The only reason I actually showed up was because I'm lonely. And maybe a bit sexually frustrated. Janus and I used to be fuck buddies! And now that he's gone, I'm left to get off on my own. Do you know how much more boring that is?"

Emile was clearly caught off guard by the change of subject, although that was to be expected when it came to Remus. He opened his mouth to respond, but Remus kept going.

"Sometimes, I get so upset that I just wanna chop my dick off! I tried that, once, with my morning star, but I ended up just puncturing my stomach."

"Oh," was all Emile managed to say, a slight pink tint over his cheeks.

He was doodling in his notepad as an attempt to calm himself down before Remus noticed he was blushing, but it was too late.

"Oooo, Doctor, did hearing about my sexual frustration fluster you?"

"I'm just... not used to my patients being so open about their sex lives."

"Well, I'm open about everything," Remus responds, with a shrug, leaning back and spreading his legs. He grins as he lets his hand slide down his torso and down to his thighs, before it comes to rest over his crotch.

Nasty man.

"I'm also opened up down here, if you-"

"Nope! Remus, we should really get back on topic-"

"But the topic we were on was about sex," Remus buts in, closing his legs and scooting to edge of the sofa. He leans closer to Emile. "You said, and I quote, 'Janus tells me you haven't been your usual self lately, care to tell me what that's all about?' And I'm telling you what it's about. It's because I'm constantly horny and I have nobody to relieve myself with."

Emile's unresponsive, so Remus throws himself back onto the couch with a groan.

"I'm actually being good for once and now I've probably weirded you out!" he whines. "Is this why Janus left me? Am I just gross? Well, I mean, of course I'm gross. It's one of my charms. But-"

"Remus, please," Emile suddenly pipes up, causing Remus to look over at him. His cheeks are still pink, albeit a darker shade, and he looks almost... nervous. "I assure you, I'm not weirded out. Some people have... higher sex drives than others, and I understand that not satisfying yourself in a satisfactory way can have some negative impacts on your mental and physical well-being-"

"Is this a long winded way of you telling me I need to have sex with someone, because I already know that-"

"No, listen," Emile interrupts, standing up and setting his notepad down. Remus raises an eyebrow, before his eyes widen and he sits up straight. What was Emile doing? Something kinky?

"I... gosh, I can't figure out a way to word this without it sounding weird."

"Then let me word it for you," Remus says, with a grin, as he grabs Emile's hand and tugs him down onto the couch. Emile falls onto it and into Remus's arms. "You want to help me relieve some of my pent-up frustration, yeah?"

Emile's face was burning at Remus's explanation, but he nodded.

It was the only thing he could think of in order to help him. He would have maybe suggested asking someone else for help, but who else could he ask?

Janus left him, and he and Patton clearly seemed to be one of the main sources of his stress, Virgil and Remus didn't get along, Logan didn't want really anything to do with sex, and he couldn't ask Roman for obvious reasons.

Remus's grin widened, before it completely disappeared.

"I know you're technically offerin', but I don't want to force you to do anything you're uncomfortable with," Remus says, and Emile looks a little surprised at the words.

He then smiles softly, and shakes his head. "You're not forcing me into anything, Re," Emile assures him. "I'm not uncomfortable." Maybe a little embarrassed, but not uncomfortable.

Remus's smile returns, and he mumbles out a "good," before he pulls Emile in for a kiss. Emile squeaks as he's suddenly pulled forward, but closes his eyes and leans into the kiss as he realizes what's happening.

Before he could even register what was happening, he felt Remus's hands trail under his sweater-vest and shirt, and run over his sides, before they went down and squeezed his ass.

Emile pulled away from the kiss with a red face, as he whimpered out a "Remus."

Remus just chuckled, before he sat both of them up. His hands went back under Emile's shirt, and he went to go pull it up, when Emile suddenly grabbed both of his wrists, stopping him.

Remus looked at him, his hands pausing where they were.

"We're not having sex in my office," he rushes out, quickly. Remus groans.

"Lame."

"Call me what you want, but I would rather not have sex in here."

"Then what can we do!? You said you'd help!"

"And I will," Emile states, running a hand through his hair, as he peeled Remus's hands off of him, and instead used his own hands to quickly tug down Remus's pants.

"Oooo, a blowjob?"

"A handjob," Emile corrects, and he hears Remus mumble something about blowjobs being better, but he just smile when Emile looks at him, honestly looking relieved to just get any form of stimulation.

Emile isn't that surprised when Remus's cock springs out, just simply glancing up at the man.

"No boxers?"

"They make my dick itch."

Emile let out a small laugh, hesitantly reaching his hand to Remus's cock. He wraps his hand around the base, before giving it a few small strokes. Remus's breath hitches, and he leans back on his elbows.

And Emile would be lying if he said Remus didn't look kind of cute right now. Light pink cheeks, eyes half lidded, as they watched Emile's hand slowly work his cock.

Emile continues to move his hand slowly, as he's distracted by Remus's expression, but a whine from the man quickly snaps him out of it.

"Faster, Em," Remus begs, sounding surprisingly desperate. How long had it been since he's been touched, for God's sake?

Emile obliges, and starts moving his hand faster, Remus letting out a quiet moan at the action. He bucks his hips, and Emile moves even faster. His other hand goes to fondle Remus's balls, as his thumb comes up to run over the slit. Remus throws his head back and let's out a loud moan. Emile's face heats up at the noise.

"Fuck, Em- Em you're doing so good," Remus praises him, and that does something to Emile.

He moves his hand faster, subtly grinding against the couch to appease his own boner, and he lets out a shaky breath as he does so, squeezing his hand around Remus's cock. Remus moans again, bucking his hips as Emile focuses on making Remus come.

"Emi, I'm so close," Remus moans, continuing to buck up into Emile's hand as Emile stroked him, running his thumb over the slit one last time, before Remus arches his back and lets out a whine, coming with Emile's name falling past his lips.

Emile strokes a few more times, working Remus through his climax, before he pulls away.

Remus is panting as he comes back down from his high, and he sits himself back up, reaching out and grabbing Emile's wrist. He pulls the therapist into his lap, before sticking the man's hand into his mouth, eagerly licking his own come off of it.

Emile's torn between disgust and arousal, because Remus didn't even hesitate when going to suck on his fingers, even if it was to get the come off.

He then shifts his leg a bit, moving so that Emile is straddling his bare thigh.

He grins at Emile, a mischievous glint in his eye. "C'mon, Emi. You deserve to be able to get off too." Emile's face heated up, his hands moved to Remus's shoulders, as he slowly began to grind against Remus's thigh.

[logically-asexual]

One more time with feeling

summary:

Part one of this series is 'I can tell I've rotted in your brain', about Logan being slowly pushed away over the years until one day he is kicked out of Thomas's conscious mind and becomes the orange side.

This is part two, about Logan finally coming back.

Read on AO3

Chapter 3

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words: 2124

Virgil opened his eyes slowly. He felt a shiver run down his spine. He hated it here. 

He was in the dark side of Thomas’ mind, his previous home. It looked pretty much the same, still dim, still a mess of cobwebs, weapons and filth. It seemed less chaotic now, though. The weapons were still on the floor but now they were classified on piles in the corner, for example. The tower of dirty dishes in the sink was organized with the biggest, heaviest pots at the bottom and the lightest utensils at the top, making it unlikely for it to fall over. 

He took a deep breath, preparing himself mentally to face the other Dark Sides. 

Even with the progress he had made before with Logan about his fears of Remus, the anxious Side wasn’t ready to face the Duke yet, not where he was the most powerful. Luckily, he didn’t need him right now. He braced himself and called out loud: “Logan! Janus!”

Only Janus showed up, with a bored expression. 

“Where’s Logan?” Virgil asked. 

“Right, because of course you should be able to summon him whenever you want without care for his opinion.” Janus replied with his usual sarcastic tone, studying his nails under his gloves. “You’re on the other side now, remember? I’m surprised that you can even be here without Thomas’ permission.” Janus looked him down, making Virgil shift in his place, uncomfortable. 

The urge to apologize was strong, but Virgil had to stand his ground. He was here for a mission. “Can you call him?”

“I can.” 

Virgil waited a moment, but soon it became clear that Janus wasn’t going to do anything, so he corrected himself. “Will you call him?”

Janus lifted an eyebrow at him, but wouldn’t hold eye contact. “Why should I?”

“I need to talk to him.”

“And how does that benefit me?” Janus tilted his head. 

Virgil was beginning to lose his patience. He had forgotten how difficult Janus could be, and how much that exasperated him. “Please, it’s for Thomas. He needs Logan.”

“Oh, really? He seems perfectly fine to me.”

Virgil inhaled deeply. “Look, I know you’re upset with me but can’t you be helpful for once in your damn life?”

“Upset? Me? Oh, Virgil, I am devastated,” he dramatically lifted a hand to his forehead, “I still can’t sleep thinking what could have been of my dear good friend Anxiety, oh, brother, how I miss him…” Deceit’s sarcasm was getting old too quickly. 

“Oh, I know you do, that’s why you replaced him with Logic as soon as you could.”

“Excuse me?” 

“This is all your fault!” Virgil pointed a finger at him. “You dragged him away from Thomas for your stupid power play or whatever that motivates your scaley brains.”

“I am sorry, that’s right, I forgot my own role for a second,” he laughed humorlessly. “I am solely in charge of dragging Sides in and out of the dark side against their will whenever I feel like it, clearly like how my opinion mattered so much when you decided to move out.”

Virgil narrowed his eyes. “I was looking out for Thomas’ wellbeing! Just like I am doing right now, but it seems I am the only one who still gives a shit about him.”

“Well, congratulations. You certainly are doing a great job at keeping his life from spiraling into disaster.”

“Why don’t you do something then?”

“Oh, Virgil, I would love to, but to think of showing up unannounced when nobody really wants me there I’d have to be incredibly dull and naïve…”

“That’s it, you little bitch—!” Virgil charged towards Janus, but his physical assault was prevented by a hand firmly holding his wrist. 

Stunned, Virgil looked up to see the Side who had appeared next to him. His mouth opened and closed a couple times as he took the other in. The dark blue color of the jacket and the square glasses were all he could recognize about him. 

“Logan?”

“Hello Virgil.”

The three of them were now sitting at the table, using it mostly as an obstacle to keep Janus and Virgil from jumping at each other again. Logan sat with his usual perfect posture, appearing unbothered. 

“What happened to you?” Virgil asked Logan. 

“Well, there have been many occurrences in my personal life recently, but I assume you’re inquiring about my appearance.”

“Uh… sure.”

“That is none of your business.” Logan simply stated. 

Virgil blinked, lost for words. “Oh. Okay… Sorry.”

He stayed quiet for a moment, after which Logan began standing up. 

“If there’s nothing else to discuss–”

“Wait, Logan.”

He sat back down.

“We need you.”  

“For what?” Logan raised an eyebrow at him the same way Janus had done earlier.

“For Thomas.”

“Hm. I don’t think so. As far as I am concerned, Roman is leading the lifestyle Thomas always wanted to have.”

“Things aren’t going well and you know it. He needs your help.”

“Does he want it, though?” Before Virgil had a chance to say something Logan continued. “That was a rhetorical question. I wouldn’t be here if he did.”

“But he does! I even made him say it out loud! He wants his responsibility and organization, his Logic back.”

Logan and Janus looked at each other, communicating with furrowed brows and movements of their eyes. Logan didn’t want to talk about what happened, but he knew he would have to do it eventually. 

“I am afraid it’s too late for that.” Janus finally said. 

“What do you know, you slippery—“

“Janus is right, Virgil,” Logan interrupted. “Logic as you knew it no longer exists.”

Virgil once again paused in bewildered silence. “What?”

Logan rubbed his nose between his eyes. “You know, maybe I could answer your questions if you could formulate them as complete sentences sometimes.”

Virgil stuttered for a moment. “I’m sorry. Uh… Why does Logic no longer exist?”

“As you know, we grow and evolve along with Thomas, and our roles and appearances often change according to the way he perceives us as parts of his personality. If that outlook changes, then we change, too.”

“Uh huh?” Virgil prompted him to continue. 

“In addition to punctuality, rationality, and organization, Thomas seems to have associated the logical Side of his personality with behaviors and emotions such as assertiveness, anger, irateness, and hostility.”

“Logan wasn’t exactly Thomas’s favorite Side already,” Janus continued the explanation, “but now every issue with anger that he had was projected onto Logan until it practically took over Thomas’s perception of him, which, you might guess, made him very happy.”

Virgil nodded. “Patton hates it when Thomas is angry.” Then, he turned to Logan. “So that’s how you ended up here?”

“I guess it was a matter of time.” Logan shrugged, but his tension was apparent on his shoulders and his clenched fists. “But this way, if he wants the traits you mentioned to return as a Side, then he’ll have to accept the anger and similar characteristics that I now represent, as well.” 

Virgil nodded again. “I’m sorry, L. I should have known what was happening and maybe I could have done something.”

Logan inhaled deeply, his eyebrows furrowing, then he shook his head. “In the time I have been here I have gone over the events dozens of times, looking for something that could have been done differently. There’s nothing. This was inevitable from the moment Thomas chose the lifestyle he did for his adulthood.” 

“But you did always like this dumpster, didn’t you?” Virgil looked around the constantly decaying living room.

The corner of Logan’s mouth twitched. “‘Like’ is a strong word. Despite that, I appreciate it that here I don’t have to be concerned about whether I said the right thing to convince Thomas about doing something good for himself, or to not hurt him at least.” 

“Don’t you get frustrated with all that’s wrong currently that wouldn’t be if you were there?”

Logan thought for a second. “Focusing on impossible scenarios isn’t productive, and I normally would avoid the practice.”

Janus shot an accusatory glance at him. 

“However, some… emotions,” he grimaced, “aren’t as benumbed in me as they used to be, so I would lie if I said I don’t get fixated on ideas about what I would do if I were given the opportunity.” 

Virgil was comforted by the fact that Logan hadn’t really changed. It was still him. Maybe more irritable, but that shift had started years before, and now he seemed to have accepted to deal with it. Now just Thomas had to do the same. 

“So why don’t you just go back?” 

“That would be nice, wouldn’t it?” Logan scowled. “Everything gets back to normal and then I’d just have to wait a few minutes until they get tired of me again and end back here more humiliated than before, how exciting.” 

The sarcasm was a new addition.

Virgil looked down at his hands, thinking of a response that wouldn’t make things worse than they were. He settled on just speaking his thoughts out loud.

“On one hand I know what that’s like and I don’t want you to go through it. It turned out kinda alright in the end for me but I don’t know if it will happen a second time. On the other, I told you before that I just know how to point out the problems, but not how to solve them, and Thomas got plenty right now and I am so sick of just standing there knowing things are wrong and being incapable of doing anything about it.”

Virgil finished the rant flopping his head down on the table. 

“I’m sorry that it is so complex, Virge.” Logan sighed. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t show up and get a single word in. Not if Thomas and, more specifically, the other Sides aren’t at least somewhat open to what I’d have to say.”

“But they’re in denial and insisting everything is fine.” Virgil looked up to glare at Janus. “Because of you!” 

Janus didn’t change his calm demeanor except for narrowing his eyes. “Hey, I’m doing what is needed to protect us. If they don’t want to see us then why should I force them?” 

“Ugh you’re always like this, you don’t care about Thomas, just about yourself!”

“Caring about myself is caring about Thomas because we’re the same person you idiotic—“

Their bickering was interrupted by the sound of a chair sliding against the floor, caused by Logan suddenly standing up. 

“Shut up!” He shouted. He was breathing heavily and not looking up from the table. After a second, more calm, he said, “I should leave. This is leading us nowhere.”

Virgil stood up after him. “No, Logan, wait.”

“If I participate during a discussion it will keep devolving into this and I want no part in that.” 

“No, it doesn’t–”

“Yes! God damn it, don’t you listen? – I’m sorry!” Logan stopped his own outburst, covering his face in his hands. 

“See!” Virgil gestured at him. “This is not healthy.” 

Logan just shook his head. 

“Like,” Virgil kept trying, “you remember when we were in my room, right? And you spoke about that curve thing for experiencing anxiety. There’s gotta be something similar with anger, like, Thomas being a pushover too scared of conflict means he can’t get anything done.”

Logan rolled his eyes, communicating that this seemed obvious to him. 

“But aren’t you in the complete other extreme? With Thomas pushing all his repressed anger onto you for you to bottle it all up, it just can’t be… good. I’m sure that if you talked and let some of it out then you could both meet in the middle, and that would be good for both of you, all of us, actually.”

Logan’s tense expression faltered at that, not knowing how to feel about Virgil schooling him with his own previous lecture. 

“… Come on, dude… Just give it a chance. Please.”

It wasn’t like Virgil to try so hard to get something. His uncharacteristic insistence convinced Logan that what he asked for really was important to him. Reluctantly, he lifted his chin up and finally said, “Fine. If you somehow make it so the others are open to seeing me then… I’ll be there.”

Virgil visibly relaxed, a figurative weight lifting off his shoulders. “Thanks, L.” He took a step backwards and began to sink out. “I’ll see you soon, then.”

After he left, Logan slumped back down on the chair, leaning his elbows on the table and his face in his hands. 

“This is going to be a disaster.”

“Yup,” Janus answered before drinking from a wine glass he had just manifested.

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[tscritical]

Hello there 👋🏻

I left the sanders sides fandom and blocked every tag just short of four years ago, just after the release of DWIT. Now, there is no obligation for you to answer this ask, but if you feel up to it, think you could fill me in on everything that’s gone down? Has there really not been another ‘proper’ episode since then? Like I said, you aren’t obligated to answer. It just, seems like there’s been a lot. Thought it would be easier to ask someone. Thanks for your time.

im putting this under a read more cos. shit gets extensive

ok so here’s the shitty rundown:

if you remember, at the end of dwit virgil confessed to having been a “dark side” in the past, and thomas didn’t seem to take it well

the next episode was a sanders asides, which is basically,, shorter videos that were promised to give us more content (lie)

in this asides, thomas found out his friend was like. an ex homophobe. and somehow that’s a parallel to virgil having been a dark side??? ok

basically thomas realized he needed to accept virgil for everything he was, including his past. but they couldn’t come up with a better allegory. so it’s apparently canon that thomas thinks of dark sides as being the same as. ex bigots. idfk

about a year later, the svs redux came out. oh boy

thomas got back from the wedding, sang a song with patton and roman about how it sucked because lee and mary lee didn’t drop everything to spend time with him instead of. celebrating their fucking wedding. thomas basically said “wahhh why won’t lee and mary lee talk to me instead of focusing on themselves at their own wedding 😡😡😡😡” which like. whatever i guess

they debated on whether it would’ve been better to discuss the wedding vs callback decision with lee and mary lee beforehand and patton was like “but they may have been sad if you picked the wedding, and they would’ve been sad if you picked the callback” blah blah

logan came in as a pixelated pop up (called “logans lowdowns”) and was like “im gonna give helpful information via text box” and no one bothered to read them cos they’re jerks (I DID. MY REACT VIDEO PROVES IT. real logan stans read the text and then had to rewind the video to hear the other dorks jshdjdjfjf)

ultimately patton ended up suggesting that thomas should sacrifice himself for others. and also he should only take care of himself in emergency situations. and he turned into a frog

oh yeah and then deceit popped in and was like “patton you’re being a little extra” and explained that if you only take care of yourself in emergency situations, you won’t be nearly as equipped to handle it as you would be if you. you know. utilized self care a more reasonable amount

then roman was like “shut up deceit” and deceit was like “my name is janus” and roman was like “shut up janus, also that name is stupid” and janus was like “well you’re the evil twin so suck on that”

im doing a bad job of explaining the tension but holy SHIT this video…

anyway, after the redux was flirting with social anxiety, which is another asides. it’s an animatic because covid prevented thomas from actually going to the mall but anyway

thomas went to the mall having one mini moral crisis after another, until he saw a cute guy he wanted to talk to. but virgil was like “hell no” and roman was like “hell yes” and they basically spent the entire video arguing over whether it was a good idea to approach a stranger (regardless of how cute said stranger was)

ultimately, thomas and the stranger, nico flores, managed to get to talking, and they really seemed to hit it off! thus followed a really cute end credit scene back at the apartment, i really recommend watching that part on its own i fucking love it

the next episode was the third and final (so far) asides, in which thomas has sought help from logan in basically getting his life together, starting with cleaning his apartment

throughout the endeavor, thomas tries to follow the plan logan helped him get together in order to get it done, but remus has plans of his own. with every step thomas takes, remus puts a bear trap in his path. you know. metaphorically

oh yeah and the subplot is that thomas texted nico something stupid and he hasn’t responded and thomas is like “pls god why” probably because he’s worried he scared nico off (i can’t remember what the text said but i think it was cringe? idk hsjdhdj)

logan is trying to help thomas work through his intrusive thoughts… hence the title of the video jsjdjfkfk but remus is pretty relentless. finally, logan approaches remus and is like “what the fuck dude” and remus is like. well y’all know what remus is like akdjkdjfkf

remus starts ignoring logan and logans eyes glow orange and he’s like “STOP IGNORING ME” and remus is turned on or something and he’s like “but who do you really wanna scream that at?”

nico calls thomas and is like “wanna look at art?” and thomas is like “hell yeah” and leaves in the middle of cleaning which makes logan sad and ill kill thomas for making logan sad /j (there was also ominous vague foreshadowing from janus eating an apple in a tree or some shit idk)

then there’s the five year anniversary shit. which is like. pointless skhddkjf it’s basically thomas asking the sides shit about the series and it’s mostly fluff until you look into it. pretty much on the surface level kahdjdfjfk

i don’t remember it well i only watched it a couple times so

im not gonna talk about can plushies improve our health it makes me too mad

then the last video in the sanders sides playlist is the over the garden wall cover which i recommend simply because thomas/janus’s voice is so good and the vibes are so soft i cant

and there ya have it. you’re caught up now. now i have a question for you; what the FUCK do you mean, “four years ago, just after the release of dwit”. that was two years ago you are lying to me /j

[touchtranscendslanguage]

hello!! i’m a newcomer but i just wanted to say that your series is so friggen amazing <3 i fancy myself some self-care snakebois and anxiety-ridden driderbois. though roman might actually kill me and i’m terrified of him having the ability to make people fall out of love. what a horrifying thought kxjsjdheh??? anyway!!! i have some questions regarding magic because magic yay worldbuilding <3 my bad if some of these have been asked! as i said, i’m a newcomer aha;;

so if taking away a witches magic makes them no longer a witch, can an old enough witch just die on the spot, or are they biologically however old they were physically (like how the royal fam stopped at around 30) and begin aging at a rate normal for their species? if taking away a witches magic makes them no longer a witch, does giving someone magic make them a witch? and if so, are they then immortal or age slower than previously? are any species (that we know of so far) unable to naturally be witches, and what happens if they’re *given* magic without biologically being able to have it? can a person have TOO much magic? what species do we know of so far and are any of them/will any of them be relevant? i want virgil to be besties with the waitstaff again :((( (not a question but it needed to be said). was sleep messing with virgil’s circadian rhythm? probably not but i just wanted to confirm because he’s a vindictive little shit who totally would 👀

will sleep and virge be spider besties now?,,,,pls i need little weave-and-relieve sessions between the two where they just chill and rant n maybe do each others nails or share weaving tips :))) can virgil croquet or sew or knit or something? because he’d love, probably. it’s great for anxiety (probably, i’m so bad at it i wouldn’t know LOL)

i. am going to cut myself off here before it gets too long. have a good day! <3

- OnlyRoomForHope (would be unanon but i can’t be bothered logging in on right account lmaoo)

@onlyroomforhope

Thank you and welcome! I'm so happy to have you here in my own tiny corner of the fandom! Yeah, we love our self-care snake and anxious spider here. Also, wow, ya'll really latched onto that fact about Roman. As long as Virgil and Janus keep their protections up around him they'll be fine :)

A lot of good questions here and for the most part it looks like they haven't been answered before! This is exciting! *crackles knuckles* Let's dive in, shall we?

So if a witch loses their magic and therefore their immortality they don't just drop dead. Their body is still physically the age it was when they stopped aging, they just begin to age again. This applies to humans, fae are already immortal on their own their immortality just works a bit differently.

Giving someone magic does make them a witch. I think I've mentioned it before, but Remy wasn't born a witch, he got his magic from King Thomas. Gaining his own magic made him a witch and came with all of the perks of being one including immortality. Remy is indistinguishable from any other witch.

Thus far I've only put a lot of thought into humans and fae being witches, but I'd say most highly intelligent sentient species can have witches. Especially the humanoid or partially humanoid ones. So most monsters such as naga, driders, merepeople, centaurs, and vampires can all be witches. Dragons, kelpies, harpies, and sirens cannot.

it's also important to note that I said highly intelligent sentient species. That means beasts are not included. So there are no pheonix, unicorn, bear of bears, or bassilisk witches.

Could someone give a beast or non-witch monster witch magic? Yes. Chaos would happen.

No, a person couldn't have too much magic. Exibit A: Thomas. King Thomas has a ridiculous amount of magic. Should he have that much magic? Absolutely not. That shouldn't be allowed. But, hey, I didn't make the rules (yes I did) and it is what it is.

Now, if you're asking if a lot magic can have negative side effects then yes, it can potentially be overwhelming. If King Thomas got all of his magic at once it would have taken a serious toll on him and at one point he did aquire too much at once and it did take a toll. That was a the very beginning of Thomas's reign and he depended on Nico a lot to hide it. After an adjustment period he was fine, though. After that he learned to take magic gradually, one or two witches at a time with breaks in between.

Okay, so so far in the series we know of humans (obviously), fae, driders, and naga. We also know that fae are split into seelie and unseelie. Only humans and seelie are going to play major rolls in the series. As tempted as I am to play around with the many subcatagories of fae and the other species, I'm trying to keep this as simple as I can. We may see them play minor roles as in individual characters but that's it.

That being said, I am planning the brief appearance of a third major species.

Now, there are many minor species of monsters but those all defer to either the seelie or unseelie making fae a major species. Humans are also a major species. The third major species that is indepented of and can stand toe-to-toe with fae and humans is spirits. Spirits will barely appear in the series so I don't plan on doing a lot of wolrd building for them.

So all in all, only humans and fae will really be relevant.

I want Virgil to be friends with the staff again, too ;_;

Remy totally would mess with Virgil's sleep, however he was on Earth up until the day he was introduced to Virgil, so no, he didn't have anything to do with Virgil's sleeping problems.

Remy are Virgil are going to be besties! I am firmly team Those Two Getting Along. They are my babies and I love them, they must at least be friends. There will be classic sleep overs and they will get up to shananagins, so stay tuned for that.

Virgil can weave and sew. He's okay at it. he does it more for stress relief than to be good.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Language Barriers

same anon as like 5 minutes ago, I remembered the fluffy prompt! Could you write a Sanders Sides DLAMPR fic (before they get together) where all of the Sides have different love languages? And they’re all trying to flirt in their own way, but the others keep misinterpreting it? A lot of TSS fic features the Sides having different love languages (and I’d like to think they do, in canon), but I’ve yet to see a fic that specifically focuses on that fact and describes the differences between love languages. Feel free to ignore, and remember to take care of yourself! – anon

hey I love love love love LOVE your writing! If you’re open to prompts rn, I’ve just reread your story "Idiots, Idiots, Everywhere" and it’s awesome, thanks very much, BUT. Are you willing to write a Sanders Sides fic where it focuses more specifically on all the Sides having different love languages? Bonus points if it’s DLAMPR (but platonic PR, this is an incest-free household) and all the Sides are like “…but he’s like this with everyone”. No pressure at ALL, but it’d be cool to see how you approach that. – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: none

Pairings: dlampr

Word Count: 3431

Or, five times the Sides misunderstood each other's love languages, and one time Thomas got fed up with it and decided to just...explain it to them with the efficiency they have when they're trying to explain something to him. Which is to say: it takes them a second to get it. The Imagination helps.

Physical Touch

If you were to ask anyone, they would tell you that Patton loves giving people hugs.

It’s the bane of some of their existences, they’d try to claim, and the others might just shrug and say that’s Patton for you. He knows his kiddos love it, at least a little bit. But he won’t lie, he does love a good hug. There’s just something so magical about how, out of all the shapes humans could have possibly been, they’re just perfectly designed to hold one another. Isn’t that just perfect?

Logan would probably say something about evolution and adaptation to the needs of their environment, or something, but he’s not gonna rain on Patton’s parade. Humans are hug-shaped, so they’re gonna hug. Besides, he’s not complaining when he’s working downstairs in the winter and he’s gotten too absorbed in his work and then a Patton-shaped heating pad just comes along and hugs him.

Patton loves hugging all of the Sides. Logan because he’s always so surprised by it, in a good way! He gets this soft little look that is almost on the edge of a smile, like he wasn’t expecting it but it’s the best possible outcome he never could have predicted. Or when he’s trying to comfort Patton and he hugs with undeniable certainty.

Virgil is also fun to hug, because he’s such a pouty-face about it. He snuggles up as much as any of them but he has to put on his mopey show first, just in case anyone’s watching. Virgil also gives the mopey hugs too, but then he makes himself just a bit bigger so he can wrap all the way around Patton. Which is the best.

Speaking of wrapping all the way around, Janus has six arms and he uses every single one of them. They get into competitions sometimes—not serious! It’s all for fun!—about who can surprise-hug each other the worst. Or best. Janus is currently winning from the time he managed to make himself look like the chair in the living room with a blanket over it; Patton sat down and boo!

Remus isn’t allowed to do surprise hugs, not after he accidentally tackled Patton into his Kraken’s pond and they had to spend the rest of the afternoon trying to get out of the pond. But Remus’s hugs are the kind that squish his soul right back into his body and ugh, there’s nothing better than that after a long day. Besides, it’s not like expecting Remus’s hugs takes anything away, he’s still going to squeeze him so hard he might not be able to breathe for a few seconds, but that’s Remus!

And then with Roman—Roman hugs the way every single knight from a fairytale should hug. He just makes you feel safe and precious and like nothing in the world could hurt you. It’s why Patton always sits next to Roman during scary movie nights, after all, even if he gets teased about it a little. Roman doesn’t mind.

So yes, Patton does love hugging all of them. But it doesn’t have to be hugging! It can be holding hands, or just leaning against each other, just as long as he can feel them and tell himself yes, they’re okay, they’re right here, I love them.

Because he does. He loves them terribly. Even if they think he’s just a big fan of hugs.

***

2. Quality Time

Virgil has the reputation of being the cat of the Mindscape for good reason. Not because he hisses at things that don’t cooperate—the other Sides are not excluded from this—and not because he spits up hairballs—it was one time, Remus, and it was entirely your fault—but because he has a habit of just appearing in the same room and hanging out for a while.

…alright, it’s not a habit, he does it on purpose.

Companionable silence really is the best way to go about things. You’re both close enough to talk if you want to, but each of them is allowed to do their own thing and hey, there’s another person doing their own thing too. Which is why it’s his favorite way of hanging out with Logan, especially when he needs to make sure that something gets done. He’s always down to affectionately bully Logan into whatever he asks him to make sure he does.

He does that with Remus too, but it’s not exactly the same: Remus needs someone to make sure he doesn’t actually destroy anything, and he’s more than happy to oblige. Especially since he likes to get a bit of a heads-up before a rampaging beast goes barreling through the kitchen at some ungodly hour of the morning.

If he’s never beating the cat allegations, Janus sure as hell isn’t helping. There’s a big window in the Dark Sides’ half of the Mindscape that is perfect for lying in for, oh, a few hours on end. Remus has many—too many, if you ask Virgil—pictures of the two of them just basking in the sun, dozing like they haven’t got a care in the world.

Virgil’s actual favorite place to sleep is with his head in Patton’s lap. Especially after he’s just finished baking, when he’s all warm from the oven and he smells like sugar and spice…Virgil will sit on the counter or the floor and listen to Patton talk about whatever he wants and then while the oven bakes, he’ll fall asleep right in Patton’s lap. He even gets first dibs on whatever just got made.

Roman makes a game of it. He’s the Prince, every good Prince needs a rogue to work with. They trek all over the Imagination, having adventures, defeating monsters, it’s the perfect mix of Roman’s quests and Virgil’s need to be a creepy little shit in every dark corner he can find. Being with Roman even makes boring council meetings fun, because he gets to terrify the idiots that they’re just gonna fight later anyway and he gets to spend time with Roman.

He doesn’t care what he’s doing, not really, just as long as he can spend time with them. He just…wishes they would understand that sometimes.

***

3. Words of Affirmation

Logan is no stranger to impostor syndrome, but that doesn’t mean he has to allow it to plague those he cares for. Understanding something to be true on an intellectual level and feeling the validation that comes from hearing someone else voice it are two very different things. The other Sides are each remarkable in their own right. They deserve to hear it.

Patton is kind. He does not say that lightly: kind people who choose to be kind because they know how difficult it is are not individuals to be trifled with. Patton makes the conscious choice to try and be better every single day. He is earnest and sincere, sometimes painfully so, but he does not allow himself to be dissuaded by obstacles. How could Logan not want to express his admiration?

And Roman…oh, Roman is a wonder. There is so much that goes into his work that often goes unnoticed, or underappreciated, and it is a crime that Logan too often finds himself on the wrong side of that line. Roman is clever and funny and has a work ethic that, truly, rivals Logan’s own. For every slight he makes, however unintentional, he tries his best to make up for it by telling Roman in no uncertain terms how honored Logan is to be part of his creative process.

Remus is an entirely different story, no pun intended. Remus is unabashedly and unapologetically himself, and as such is a marvel to behold. He cares not for the sanitization or reduction of anything in his work, and so Logan does his best to follow suit. Remus is who he is, and it is beautiful.

He tells Janus he’s beautiful too. And not once is he lying. The first time he did it, Janus laughed in his face, at least until he realized Logan was telling the truth. He then didn’t see Janus for an entire week. It ended when a little snake plushie appeared outside of his door in the middle of the night with a tiny note that just said thank you. He tells Janus he’s beautiful every chance he gets now.

Virgil is his little alley cat. Perfectly fine to approach on his terms, but will let him know with no uncertainties when he’s getting a little too close. It doesn’t help that Virgil is quite fun to tease, even if all he’s doing is giving him compliments—true compliments, mind you—and watching in amusement as Virgil curls up into a ball with his hood pulled down over his ears as if that could hide how red they are. He’s not cruel about it, of course; he stops the moment Virgil appears genuinely uncomfortable and there are certain topics he doesn’t go near. But Virgil can’t always hide his little grin and so on it goes.

He’s quite happy to shower them with his words, he just…doesn’t know if they’d believe him if he said I love you.

***

4. Acts of Service

Words are difficult. There is so much ambiguity to be found in even the most basic of sentences, and when it comes to matters like this, Janus prefers to take as few chances as possible. Whoever coined the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words,’ Janus definitely owes a drink for how spot-on it is.

Whenever Patton needs a hand in the kitchen, he’s always the first to volunteer. He can do up to three things in the time it would take another Side to do just one, after all, and he’s had enough experience cooking for the troublemakers (Virgil and Remus) to know how to get around most of their pranks. And how to get them back.

Logan, bless him, has a tendency to overwork himself at the best of times. And in doing so, he gets these terrible knots and cramps in his neck and shoulders from hunching over his desk for hours on end. It might not be the most polite of things to practically blackmail his way into giving Logan a massage, but the poor dear always falls right to sleep so he mustn’t mind too much.

Remus and his delightful menagerie of creatures often need more than their fair share of attention. He had to pester Remus into getting him a raincoat and muck boots that could withstand the acidic slime, but weekend mornings found them strolling cheerfully through pens and cages and paddocks, tending to the bizarre flock. Anything to make the chore more of a fun activity and less of, well, a chore, when Remus really doesn’t suit stressed-out frowns as well as manic grins.

Virgil has a terrible habit of not asking for reassurance when he needs it. Janus regrets the part he played in making it that way. So, no matter how small and stupid Virgil may think it is, whenever he asks for help, Janus gives it. A tug on his cloak or a soft please will have him do anything from turn the light in the hallway on to checking the poor thing over for wounds after a brutal nightmare. It took long enough for Janus to re-earn that trust, he’s not going to lose it if he can damn well help it.

Out of everyone in the Mindscape, only Roman truly appreciates his love of theater. Sure, the others are game to help out here and there, but when it comes to the art of make-believe, Roman is the proud owner of Janus’s ‘yes-and’ partnership. The two of them make all sorts of stories together, from villains and heroes to morally grey adventurers, to simple fairytales and old plays. Roman needs someone else to help him play the roles and Janus is more than happy to play with him.

Perhaps one day, he might be able to reveal that everything he does for them, he does because it’s them, but for now, he’ll happily play the role they expect of him.

***

5. Gifts

Roman and Remus do not, in fact, fight over who gets to give the most presents to the other Sides.

Instead, they fight over whose idea they work on first.

For Logan, Remus’s self-writing pen narrowly won out over Roman’s proposal for a never-ending notebook, if only because said pen squirted ink into Roman’s mouth before he could finish his argument. They ended up giving both to Logan at the same time, but the pen was decidedly on top and did its own little celebratory wriggle when Logan used it for the first time.

Remus nearly challenged Roman to a formal duel when it came to designing a heat lamp for Janus that wouldn’t run the same risk of burning out the electricity in their section of the Mindscape. They managed to agree on everything up to the design on the lampshade. Roman said it should be a yellow snake, curled up and sleeping, and Remus wanted it to be a big leaf that Janus could lay under like he was actually outside. The compromise was eventually reached over many hours of almost bloodshed and now the sleeping snake under a leaf is a staple in the corner of Janus’s room.

Roman cleverly proposed Virgil’s weighted blanket while Remus was being crushed under said blanket, leaving not a lot of wiggle room until he had to agree. Of course, he promptly fell asleep and cuddled Roman into a pile of goo, so technically they made both the blanket and the plushie at around the same time. Virgil still brings the little skeleton to movie nights.

Patton gets their presents one after the other, because you need one to understand the other’s context. A rebreather designed to slip on over the person’s face just like any other face mask, to filter out particulates and allergens. Something that could be worn for up to two consecutive hours before it needed to be recharged.

The other present was a box full of kittens.

”Ro?”

“Yeah?”

Remus pushes his goggles to the top of his head and looks over the desk. “Do you think they’ll ever get it?”

Roman sighs, closing his notebook and leaning back to stretch. “I don’t know, Re. I love them, really, they just…”

”Don’t realize.”

“Yeah. It’s okay, though. We’ll get there eventually.”

“Of course we will. Hand me that wrench, would you?”

“The one that’s covered in guts, or the one that’s made out of foam?”

“The foam one. I need to whack this thing but I don’t wanna hit it too hard.”

“I’m not gonna ask any more questions.”

***

+1: I Love You

”Hey!” Patton rises up first, clapping his hands. “Oh. I’m the only one here.”

“Only by a moment,” Logan says as he joins him. “Is Thomas here?”

“No, I just got summoned by—well, I thought it was Thomas but he’s not here.”

“Whoa, hey!” Virgil appears on the staircase. “What’s going on? I was in the middle of watching someone.”

“Don’t you mean ‘something?’” Remus appears, covered in slime and cackling. “Ah. I see.”

“I’ve got it,” Roman says, rising up and spraying his brother with something that somehow manages to dissolve all the goo without staining or spraying anything else. “There. Now maybe you’ll think twice about surprising Uma when she’s feeding?”

“Oh, I’m gonna do this so many more times!”

”I felt the exasperation from my room,” Janus sighs, appearing, “what’s Remus done now?”

“Why did you assume it was Remus?” Janus just looks at Logan. “Fair enough.”

”Now that we’re all here, what is this about?” He looks around, frowning. “Where’s Thomas?”

“That’s weird, is he not the one who called for a meeting?”

“What’s that?” Virgil reaches out and picks up a piece of paper from the coffee table. “‘Each one of you needs a card, find the matches.’ What cards?”

“Here.” Logan picks up something that fell when Virgil picked up the paper. “There are only five of them, though, and six of us.”

“What do they say?”

“Let me see…one says ‘Physical Touch,’ one says ‘Acts of Service,’ one says…oh, I see.”

“I don’t,” Patton says, “can you share with the class?”

“Wait, wait, I think I know what this is, is one of them ‘Quality Company’ or something?”

“‘Quality Time,’ yes.”

Roman nods. “It’s the Five Love Languages.”

“Thomas doesn’t even speak Spanish!”

“No, no, Padre, not literal languages, it’s…it’s the ways you express your affection for someone. How you tell them you love them. There’s five: physical touch, acts of service, quality time…”

“‘Words of Affirmation,’” Logan continues, reading off the other cards, “and ‘Gifts.’”

Virgil hunches his shoulders. “So what, are we supposed to pick one?”

“I believe the intention of the exercise is to…select which one is our love language.”

Janus huffs. “Why? What does Thomas have to gain from doing something like this? And where is he?”

“Maybe he’s not the one who summoned us.”

“Well then who did?”

“Maybe if we do the thing we can find out.”

Janus sighs, peering over Logan’s shoulder and squinting. “I guess this one’s mine, then.”

“‘Acts of Service?’ Very well. I suppose I’ll take ‘Words of Affirmation.’”

“Can I have the touch one?”

“Certainly.”

“Twins get ‘Gifts,’ obviously,” Virgil mutters, “which means I get the…time one, or whatever.”

Logan hands out the last two cards and they stand there for a moment, waiting for something to happen.

Nothing does.

Patton looks back down at his card. “Wait, did you say these are how we tell people we love them?”

“That is a simple definition of this, why?”

“Because you guys do these with everyone!”

There’s a pause. Logan adjusts his glasses. “Well, I can’t speak for everyone, but…yes, I do indeed give you all words of affirmation, because, well…”

“Aww,” Virgil says, “do you love us, Logan?”

Logan coughs, blushes, and adjusts his tie. “I believe that is a logical conclusion, yes.”

“Aww!” Patton squeals. “I love you guys too!”

”So whoever set this up knew that we were all trying to tell each other that—“ Roman starts.

“—and needed to hammer it into our heads what was happening,” Remus finishes.

“Well,” Janus sniffs, even as a smile threatens the corners of his mouth, “how dramatic.”

Virgil tugs on the strings of his hoodie. “Yeah. How dramatic.”

There’s another pause.

Roman coughs. “Uh, this seems like a good a time as any, um…Remus and I put together a festival thing in the Imagination for everyone, if you want to…if you want to come and see it.”

“It has everyone’s favorite state fair stuff,” Remus sands, “and there’s supposed to be a northern-lights kind of thing after it gets dark.”

“Can we cuddle?”

“Of course.”

“Will there be food?”

“Your favorite, shadow-ling.”

“You two are so thoughtful,” Logan says softly, “I would love to come.”

“I can get the good blankets from the closet,” Janus offers, and everyone grins, “should we meet there in ten?”

“Oh, this is going to be so much fun!”

The Imagination is just happy they finally sorted it out. Now, to give the six of them a group date they’ll never forget…

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[eyeexe]

I think the reason people who try to classify the sides as simply good or evil based on their actions piss me off so much is because in order to think like that you have to completely ignore the message the show is trying to convey, which is that a black and white mentality is overall harmful.

I know right now the show is focusing on Janus pushing Thomas to practice self care, but he wouldn’t have to actively hammer that notion into his head if not for his own morality (note I am not talking about the personification of his morality, but rather his own morals and beliefs that have an influence on that personification, so don’t even try to use this to push that stupid Patton-is-canonically-a-horrible-and-evil-person agenda).

He’s so hesitant to take care of himself because the act of doing so is technically classified as selfish, which by his own beliefs would automatically make him a bad person, but that’s not how it works. You can not live your life with a black and white mentality without running into some problems simply because that’s not how the world works. It’s like Patton said, some things can immediately be clocked as good or bad like murder or theft, but even those can be justified in some cases, so that only further shows that the real world is full of gray areas.

So to even suggest that any of the characters are only good or bad without definitive proof completely undermines the whole point of the show.

[candied-peach]

ao3: “to take flight” rating: T genre: hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending warnings: platonic analogical, logan has wings, self worth issues, food mention description: Logan has wings. He’s not supposed to.

There are many things that are not quite logical about Logan. He has an inordinate fondness for Crofters jam. He secretly uses pastel highlighters to color his work and even occasionally, when done with a particularly useful schedule, will paste a cute sticker to the corner of the page, like a celebration, like a re-enactment of telling himself good job. He likes to wear a unicorn onesie to relax. He drinks too much coffee. For someone who's so focused on Thomas's sleep schedule, his own is terrible.

There is one thing about Logan that even he cannot reconcile.

Logan has wings.

They are small wings. Usually dirty, because he can't reach them properly by himself and he refuses to involve the others in this private display of illogical bullshit. Sure it hurts when he knocks them about, or when he has to stuff them under his shirt, but illogic works to his favor on that point, and his shirt somehow conceals them completely. Logan pretends that's a good thing. He's great at pretend. He could give Roman a "run for his money," as they said. He's not sure where money comes into it. They are both constructs of Thomas's mind, after all. Neither of them has money and even if they did, it would be as imaginary as he wishes his wings were.

It happens by surprise one day. It's no one's fault, really. Logan has always implemented an open door policy when his door is actually open and by some ill fated chance, the latch failed to catch, leaving his door open a fateful inch. Just one inch, but it's an important inch when he has his shirt half off, tending to a twisted feather and Virgil raps on the door and peeks in, his eye shadow streaked down both cheeks like tears.

"Logan?!" Virgil nearly bleats in surprise, like a startled sheep. It would be funny, if Logan wasn't terrified. He immediately drops his shirt, his hands shaking.

"Virgil," he says as calmly as he can manage. His hands are still shaking. He looks at the tremor in his fingers in wonder, even as Virgil, his own plight completely forgotten, edges his way into the room and guides Logan to his desk chair.

"Sit, Lo," Virgil says softly, and Logan does, perching on the edge of the chair because sitting too far back always feels like he's crushing his wings. His wings. His face crumples as he realizes what Virgil has seen, and he doesn't recognize his own voice when it asks, choked and small, "Could you keep this from the others?"

"I can," Virgil agrees readily enough, and something un-knots within Logan on that statement, because Virgil doesn't agree to things unless he means them. "That's your secret to tell, Lo, not mine. But-" And now Virgil hesitates, twisting the hem of his hoodie. "Can I help you take care of them?" He blurts out. "No offense, Logan, but they look like maybe you could use some help."

"Okay," Logan says in a tiny voice. He still can barely recognize it as coming from himself. "I- That would be- be helpful. Virgil." He takes a deep, wavering breath. "What- what did you need?"

"Doesn't matter," Virgil says, with a little shake of his head. "I'm fine now, anyway," he says. Logan frowns and wishes that he had Janus's ability to tell whether or not someone is lying. If Virgil is, then he has a feeling that he will be paid a visit as soon as he is alone.

"So why have you been keeping them a secret?" Virgil asks softly. "Please help me understand. If- if that's okay."

"They aren't logical," he says, and to his eternal shame, tears fill his eyes. Virgil pulls him into a hug, lets him sit with it for a few minutes.

"Why do they have to be logical?" is Virgil's next question. Logan sputters.

'I'm Logic," he points out. "I-"

"You, of all people, know that we're more than our stated functions," Virgil says, his voice quiet. "Am I just Anxiety?"

"Of course not," Logan denies. "You-"

"Then why are you just Logic?" Virgil asks. "If you were just Logic, you wouldn't be crying right now. If you were just Logic, you wouldn't have emotions at all. I don't think you'd wear a unicorn onesie and pretend that you don't, because you want to appear serious in front of Thomas. You wouldn't start arranging a fist fight with Roman in the back over the last jar of Crofters until Patton steps in. You'd- you'd fix Thomas's schedule and be perfectly rational and- and I don't think you'd want friends. But you aren't just Logic. You're Logan." He squeezes Logan tighter.

"And Logan has wings," Virgil whispers in his ear. "If you want, I can help you take care of them, and then we can have movie night. Roman and Patton don't need to know why."

"Thank you," Logan says, with a watery sniff. "But I- I think maybe I can tell them." He takes a deep breath. "If- if you're there?"

"Of course," Virgil says immediately. "Whatever you need, Lo." He hugs him tighter, and Logan sinks into his embrace. He can worry about everything later, he dimly decides. He can fret over Roman's and Patton's reactions, can struggle with the desire to straighten out his wings fighting his desire to hide, all of that. Later.

For now, he can focus on the softness of Virgil's hoodie and the smell of lavender.

It is surprisingly calming.

[beauty-and-passion]

FSS3 Episode 5: Just a simple story

Nothing than a simple confrontation in the night to have a good sleep.

Updates every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

What is FFS3 - Introduction - Season 2 finale - previous episode - next episode

AO3 link for this episode

DISCLAIMER: As said in the introductory post, Fanders Sides Season 3 (season 2 finale included) could have triggering themes/scenes. Please keep that in mind before reading.

_______________________________

It’s the middle of the night, when Thomas suddenly wakes up. He glances at the window: the white light of the moon fills the room. Considering how high and bright it is, it’s probably very late.

He turns to the right and picks up his phone: three in the morning. It’s very late indeed.

When he lowers the phone, he sees Virgil staring at him one inch away from his face.

He jerks back with a strangled scream and asks Virgil what the heck is he doing, appearing just like this. He almost gave Thomas a heart attack!

Virgil doesn’t reply, but sits on the edge of the bed. He still glares at him.

Thomas asks what’s wrong and Virgil says it’s Thomas’ fault. He didn’t listen to Virgil’s advice. He promised to never let Janus or any of his friends stick around and then, not only he accepted Janus, but Remus too!

Virgil notices he raised his voice too much, so he puts both hands on his mouth and looks around. His eyes are huge, his movements quick and nervous. He tells himself everything is okay, no need to worry, everyone is asleep and he won’t call “him”.

Thomas asks what’s wrong and tries to calm Virgil down, but Virgil interrupts him. He thought that opening up to Thomas and telling him he was one of the Others would’ve made him feel better but nope, he doesn’t feel better in the slightest: his stomach is in knots, his mouth is dry and he can just blame himself, because everything has been a huge mistake from his side. He lowered his guard and not only Janus wriggled his way into Thomas’ life, but Remus too and now even Anger is out…

Thomas tries to calm him down again. He says he’s okay and things between them are okay too. In the past, knowing Virgil was one of the “dark Sides” would’ve upset him. But now, he’s starting to think that divisions between them have no real sense. Virgil was one of them? That’s fine. He trusts Virgil. He knows Virgil works with him now and not against him. He knows Remus cares in his own, weird ways and he knows that, when Remus is controlled and his ideas are filtered through Roman, he can even trust them. And he knows he can trust Janus too.

Virgil’s expression slowly shifts from hopeful, when Thomas talks about him, to skeptical when he talks about Remus, to scared when he talks about Janus. He immediately tells Thomas that no, he cannot trust Janus. He should never trust him. Janus is a manipulator, he knows things he purposely hid from Thomas. He did things he’s still hiding from him.

Thomas asks Virgil what is he talking about, but Virgil can’t tell him: some things are a secret and, when Janus wants, he can keep everyone’s mouth shut. His included.

Well, Thomas replies, but if I want to know something I can know it, right? So, he orders Virgil to tell him.

Before Virgil can talk, Janus appears near the bottom left corner of Thomas’ bed. He tells Thomas he should sleep and not ask for answers in the middle of the night. Thomas insists: he wants to know and he wants to know now. What did Janus do behind his back?

Janus gives a blaming look at Virgil and says he did nothing, but Thomas keeps looking at him, waiting for the truth.

Janus sighs, then he starts with a convoluted explanation about how everything gets much smaller and much more complicated, every time you look at the details. That’s why “the devil is in the details”: because it’s the perfect place where the smallest threads and rules can be bent and distorted. And if you look too much into it, you start to question your whole life. Has everything happened by chance or was it the result of reasoning? Was the change random or wanted? And what’s best for you? To know that or to live in blissful ignorance? Maybe, sometimes, the solution is ambivalent and denial is what connects them. Because the line between denial and knowledge is very thin and denial in itself can be considered a form of knowledge.

Thomas doesn’t understand a single thing, so he asks Janus to stop and just tell him what he did.

Janus takes another long breath and starts again. By now, Thomas knows that he’s not just Deceit.

Thomas nods.

And he knows Janus hides things, information and even Sides from his conscious mind.

Thomas nods again.

However, these hidden Sides are not unknown from the entirety of Thomas’ mind. Deep down, he has always been aware of their existence and he knows who they are. Just look at what happened today: you recognized a Side, despite never meeting him in person.

“Anger”, Thomas murmurs.

So, even though your conscious mind is not aware, you still know who your Sides are. However, they do not have permission to show up to you. And Janus, as their guardian, does not have permission to show them either. The only permission he got from the mind was to hide these Sides: that’s what the mind wanted and that’s what he did.

Okay…, Thomas replies, a bit worried. What went wrong, then?

Nothing went wrong, Janus answers. The system was perfect. It would’ve stayed the same forever, if I didn’t do anything.

Thomas’ worry becomes fear.

What did you do?, he asks.

Janus sighs again. Long ago, he realized that Thomas would never become an adult, if he didn’t acknowledge and accept all of his Sides. He needed to meet them, understand them and realize how useful they are.

But Thomas kept hiding them. He still didn’t want to deal with them. And so, Janus used a loophole.

Thomas is confused: what loophole? Wasn’t the system perfect?

Janus explains that, as guardian of the hidden Sides, he didn’t have any permission to show himself as well. He was a hidden Side too. So, when he tried to talk to Thomas face to face, he had to do it by using another Side’s appearance. Patton’s appearance.

So what happened when Thomas realized this guy wasn’t Patton and asked what was going on? What did the other Sides tell him?

Thomas reminds Roman’s words from CLGB: “You have to give us permission first”. His expression changes, as he starts to realize.

You gave me permission to show myself, Janus explains. And, since I was the guardian of the hidden Sides and a hidden Side myself, I used that permission as a pass and gave it to the Sides beneath me.

This is why Remus was free to introduce himself without permission. And this is why Anger did it too.

But that’s not all, Virgil adds immediately. Once they took the chance and showed themselves, they both strengthened their position, by making Thomas acknowledge their roles and existence. Remus even gave his name, so Thomas accepted his existence as a whole and now he’s free to do anything he wants.

And now that Thomas acknowledged Anger’s role, he gave him permission to do the same: now Anger can appear whenever he wants and do whatever he wants. He’s not bound to permission anymore.

And if Virgil was okay with Remus because, at the end of the day, he’s just a very gross Side, Anger is another thing entirely. He’s dangerous, impulsive and out of control. And Thomas just acknowledged his existence - and he did it without knowing what he was doing, because Janus let Anger introduce himself without Thomas’ approval!

Thomas is shocked. He looks at Janus and asks him why. Why doing this to him? This doesn’t help him at all! It just makes everything worse!

Janus leans forward, his voice gets softer while he asks Thomas to trust him. He knows what he’s doing and he knows it will be painful for Thomas. But he also knows this is all necessary, for Thomas’ growth, for his happiness and for his future.

But Virgil doesn’t buy it. He crosses his arms and tells Thomas to not trust his words. He should not make the same mistake Virgil did.

Janus’ gaze moves to Virgil. After all these years, the devil is still in the details, isn’t it? But Virgil cannot stop changes. Changes happen and will always happen. This is why Janus exists: to guide Thomas through them and protect him.

Protect him?, Virgil replies. How? By constantly lying and deceiving?

Janus snaps and accuses him to stop pretending he doesn’t know the importance of lies. They are not just false information, but means of protection. Lies are a way to save a conversation, spare other people’s feelings, keep good relationships. Sometimes, the truth is just too harsh and it needs to be softened with the help of a little lie. And Virgil knows that very well, considering he let Janus use lies for years.

It’s because he was desperate back then, Virgil admits. He thought he would’ve always been just a villain. He thought Thomas would never accept him like he accepted the Core Sides. He thought he had to work in the shadows forever, with Thomas’ scorn and hate as his only reward. And so, since Thomas would’ve never seen him as a good guy, he would’ve kept acting like a bad guy.

You weren’t a bad guy, Janus replies. You were a fighter, you were strong and you were honest. Now you’re the liar and you pretend to be better than you are.

That’s not what you said, when I told you I wanted to work with the Core Sides, Virgil says.

That’s not what you said either, Janus replies.

A silence falls between them, but it’s heavy and full of unspoken things. Thomas shifts his gaze from Virgil to Janus, but neither of them resumes talking.

In the end, Virgil gets up and just says he’s on his own side now. He works alone and, if necessary, he will protect Thomas from them all by himself.

But before he gets up and leaves, Thomas grabs him by his arm: he cannot leave, not like that! They clearly have something going on and he wants them to solve it now.

However, Virgil refuses. He says Thomas cannot order him to do this, because it doesn’t involve him at all.

Janus, on the other hand, says that it’s just a very simple story: Virgil asked him to leave and, once he did, he cut ties with them. All of them.

Thomas is very curious and opens his mouth to ask a question: Virgil takes advantage of that small distraction and leaves before Thomas can stop him. Thomas tries to call him back, but Virgil does not appear.

He turns to Janus, who is still sitting at the edge of his bed. He notices he’s quite stiff and his hands are balled into fists. He’s hiding some emotions and it’s clear the whole issue is not just “a simple story” as he said. But, before Thomas can console him somehow, Janus gets up, tucks him back into bed, tells him it’s late and that he should sleep.

The last thing Thomas sees is Janus getting up in the penumbra, wishing him goodnight and disappearing. Thomas is left alone, tired and confused.

_______________________________

END CARD

Janus is standing in front of a closed door: the spiderwebs identify it as the door of Virgil’s bedroom, so we know he is in Virgil’s room.

Janus says this is what growth leads to: no one can reach full knowledge of themselves, without going through some pain. That’s how life works, that’s how it has always been and will always be. Denying or opposing changes would just lead to more harm and pain.

He waits, but the door is still closed. He says he hopes Virgil will at least understand this. Then, he leaves.

Once he leaves, the camera shows us Virgil on the other side. His back is against the closed door, his arms are crossed and his expression shows anger and frustration: it’s clear he listened to everything Janus said.

However, once Janus leaves and silence falls on the other side of the door, Virgil’s expression shifts from anger to pain and he lets himself slide down. The last scene is him sitting on the ground, silently sobbing with his head hidden behind his hoodie.

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AUTHOR’S NOTE

Soooo…

First of all, we had to talk about the moment Virgil revealed to Thomas he was “one of them”, because in canon they never addressed that anymore. It was time to close it.

Then, we have the first crumbs of information about the story between Virgil and Janus. This is something the fandom craves to see, so it needs time to be built. And I didn’t want to shove it in full into one episode only: it would be boring and bad, so here are the first bits of information and more will come along the way.

Also, references about Virgil’s past: yep, they will appear too. After all, Virgil’s drastic change from sarcastic bitch to his post-acceptance self is just too drastic to not require someone to address it. And now all dark Sides are here, so it’s unavoidable that Virgil’s past comes back to face him.

About the permission thing: if you read my analyses, you know that the whole idea is something I got from CLBG. But, honestly, that connects so many things and explains so many others… I couldn’t help but use it. It’s perfect to justify what Janus did, why and how. And it works in Virgil’s favor, because he said to not trust him and see?, he shouldn’t be trusted. It adds a bit of an additional obstacle - which is always necessary and fun ;)

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