#james March x Fem reader
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darkkissx · 1 year ago
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Not made for one another.
jpm x fem!reader
warnings; adultery, mentions of murder, angst, toxic relationships, mentions of sex.
a/n: this is kinda short; but I was in an angsty mood lmaoo
now playing: drunk walk home -mitski
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It wasn’t always this way. He used to show you off, buy you fancy gifts and dresses; declare his un-denying love to you whenever you were sad. But you blinked and it was all gone. In a quick breath, a small flicker of light; he was no longer yours.
He used to make sweet, passionate, sometimes rough; depending on his mood, love to you almost each night; until he stopped. He was gone every night, leaving you alone in the quiet room that echoed of your sobs and sniffles. He would return, reeking of another woman’s expensive perfume, that often times matched the scent of the countess during the rare times you would see her.
It made you go crazy, the feeling of sadness quickly replaced by the bitter feelings of hatred and disgust. You wanted to slap him, tie him down and stab him repeatedly until you could no longer feel your arms. But you couldn’t; you still loved him. And a small, tiny part of you knew that. No matter how much you tried to ignore it. You loved James, and you always would.
You sat in bed, the pale moonlight shining down on you; enhancing your features mildly and giving your skin a ghostly hue.
A familiar voice that you had grown to despise, ripped the thoughts from your head. They were pushed to the back of your mind as you raised a brow.
“James? What are you doing here? You usually fraternize with Elizabeth for a lot longer.” You spoke viciously, your eyes that once held love and adoration replaced with despise and untrust.
“Whatever are you talking about, dearest?” The old-timey man in front of you with a thick accent raised an amused brow. His dead, cold eyes now holding amusement and cruelty.
“Did you think I wouldn’t figure it out?” You spoke, a slight shake in your voice as you stood up from the bed in which James once held you affectionately.
“Figure out what?” His face was unreadable, yet he faked cluelessness as he talked with you.
“Your little love affair with the countess!” You breathed out, crossing your arms and sending a glare towards the man.
He raised a brow once more, as he stared down at you. You wanted to shrink away, to hide. His strong gaze made your knees buckle, feeling vulnerable; but you stood your ground, staring back into his unloving eyes.
“Tell me now, do you love me; or her.” You spoke finally, awaiting his response as anxiety creeped up your spine.
He didn’t respond, keeping a tight hold on his cane; normally used as a weapon, which gave you just the answer you were suspecting. With a huff, you whipped around, reaching under the bed and grabbing your long ago discarded suitcase.
“What are you doing?” He asked in amusement, as if this were a game to him.
“I can no longer share a roof with a man whose heart belongs to another.” You spoke, throwing all of your belongings into the black suitcase; only tossing in a few things James had gifted to you.
He didn’t respond, he just watched as you ran around; collecting all of your things.
You zipped your suitcase closed, grabbing it and offering him a glare; before storming out of the hotel room.
You stomped down the hallway, tears building in your eyes, each emotion you were feeling playing a part.
You walked up to Liz sadly. “Hey Liz..” you mumbled, you voice breaking sadly. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable in front of her; since she was one of the only nice people in this hell hole trapped with unloving souls.
“Hey honey, what happened?” She asked, concerned grazing her features as she glanced between you and your suitcase.
“I’m leaving. For good, this time.” You spoke, your voice raspy and dry; from the cries you had choked out earlier. “James no longer loves me, and I refuse to sit by and watch him be head over heels for another woman.” You admitted, a sorrow filled expression lying atop of your features.
Liz nodded slowly, taking your hand in hers. “I’m proud of you, honey. And you can always stop by and come see me; I’ll keep James and Elizabeth away.” She furrowed her brows, the ghost of a comforting smile representing itself in her face.
“Thank you Liz, goodbye.” You offered a heart broken smile, as you turned and walked out of the large hotel.
You felt the eyes of your past lover burn a hole into the back of your head through the window, as you abandoned the sinister place you had once called home.
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nobitchs-world · 6 months ago
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Me: I love horror movie slashers
My scary ass if I ever saw them:
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r4fe-cam3ron · 1 month ago
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𓍯 ִֶָ dear reader,
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𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY 1ST | someone new - hozier (zach maclaren) | ceilings - lizzy mcalpine (sergei kravinoff)
𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY 2ND | for you - rita ora, ft. liam payne (spencer reid) | it’s been awhile - staind (rockstar!eddie munson)
𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY 3RD | love - lana del rey (josh lambert) | decode - paramore (charlie walker)
𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY 4TH | about you - the 1975 (dave lizewski) | once more to see you - mitski (james patrick march)
𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY 5TH | cinnamon girl - lana del rey (tangerine) | nothing can change this love - sam cooke (divorced dad!eddie munson)
𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY 6TH | coming back for you - maroon 5 (sergei kravinoff) | homesick - noah kahan (rafe cameron)
𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY 7TH | fear of water - noah kahan (colin zabel) | again - noah cyrus ft. xxxtentacion (tangerine)
𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY 8TH | the man who can’t be moved - the script (ex-boyfriend!steve harrington) | sorry - halsey (friedrich harding)
𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY 9TH | cheater - the vamps (eddie munson) | secret love song - little mix (rafe cameron)
𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY 10TH | last first kiss - one direction (steve harrington) | what’s left of me - grace vanderwaal (roman godfrey)
𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY 14TH | unchained melody - the righteous brothers (eric - aqpdo)
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༉‧₊˚. an; here is the list of songs on the ‘mixtape’! two one-shots will be posted in a day, starting on the first of february and ending the fourteenth!
if you’d like to be tagged in specific ones, please feel free to message, inbox, or even comment below!
(also want to say theres a couple of characters im adding into here that im not entirely to sure if ill add to my character list! but if theres more requests for them, ill gladly do them!)
border; @/sstoruux
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luv4divineruler · 2 years ago
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kai anderson x fem!reader headcannons
MOVED TO @spectr3inl0ve
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authors note: this is my first time writing headcannons so naturally it wont be top tier quality! i will try to write for gender neutral readers but atm im still trying to figure out my writing style and get comfortable with it :)
please remember that these are my headcannons i have for kai and may be out of character. i do however try to keep them as realistic to his character as possible as i prefer it that way!
contains ⚠️: kai anderson, slight fluff, kai being cold ig
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kai anderson is not fond of pda, unless he initiates it. this would be when hes trying to make himself look like a good partner so the public perceives him as "an average man" (i will bring up the average man again)
his staged pda may look like: hand holding, swift kisses on the cheek, arm around ur shoulder and maybe around ur waist. he would be more likely to allow u to initiate it as well. he doesnt want to be viewed as clingy or touchy
in private he is tolerant of ur kisses (on his cheek, nose, wherever), hand holding, hugging, clinging to his arm, cuddling, resting ur head on his shoulder, etc. he probably likes it, but he would never let u know that
kai has invested in stocks and a few small properties. that, combined with his job as an app developer and his parents retirement funds allows him to live comfortably. and be able to spoil u.
that being said, his love language is more likely to be gift giving.
when u wake up with kai not being by ur side, sometimes a wad of cash ranging from hundreds to thousands of dollars (lucky u ;)) will be left in his place
kai may even be gravious enough to leave a simple note reading,
"*reader*, buy yourself something nice. K.A"
though sometimes he leaves the cash not for ur shopping but for u to buy groceries, household items and things that he needs such as clothes, razors, hair dye, etc. u dont complain as u live in his house for free and he makes sure ur health is at peak condition
dates arent common, but they arent rare either so sometimes he will plan take u on a date on the days he leaves cash for u to spend on urself. on these days, the money would be accompanied by a note reading,
"I'm taking u out to dinner tonight at *place* at *time*. Dress accordingly. If you would like you may buy me something to wear to dinner. K.A"
or something along those lines. If he doesn't leave a note he'll send a text and either way he'll sign with his initials. (will def write more about this so stay tuned)
he would never let u know that he likes (not to be confused with loves) when you buy outfits for him to wear.
he probably had poor hygiene before dating u. u would've had to convince him to take showers everyday and to wash his hair more. he would shower more, but would neglect his hair. when u wash his hair, u notice how he's slightly more vulnerable with u, less hostile.
when kai needs to re-dye his hair, he asks u if u want to do it, otherwise he'd do it himself or get winter (b4 her death) to do it
this isn't original (i read it in an amazing smut but i dont remember the @ 😭) but he doesn't pay attention to conversations or u talking to him while he eats. he's focused on the food in front of him. u use this to ur advantage, getting him to buy u lavish gifts he wouldntve said yes to buying if he wasn't eating.
doesn't really give compliments of assurance, only when ure literally sobbing in his arms or in a dark corner of a room.
"I've tought you to be stronger Angel. You should be secure with who you are. It makes you impenetrable. Untouchable."
he would tell u, as he presses a hard kiss to the top of your head
would definitely have pet names for u. probably animal related like Bunny, Little Lamb (a popular one associated with kai). he would also call u Angel, maybe babe or baby. I don't see him calling u kitten or queen. sorry
when u sleep u have ur back facing him, depending on his mood u could be holding hands or he could have his arms snaked around ur waist. if hes exhausted he may let u cuddle into his chest (idk y but i feel like he'd normally have a problem with that). either way, u always kiss him goodnight, whether that'd be on his lips, cheek, head, nose, or somewhere in between. he usually wouldnt reciprocate it, but if he's feeling generous he will
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soo thats finished, i am definitely going to write some oneshots based on a headcannon or 2
taglist (dm or comment to be added): omg it looks so lonely rn
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yes-divine-ruler · 2 years ago
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james march
one-shots
smut
For Eternity
rory monahan
one-shots
smut
My Little Pornstar
‎‏‏‎‎‏kai anderson
one-shots
smut
Make Love to Me
Ultraviolence
The Death of Peace of Mind
Bottoms Up x pre-cult!kai
Your Personal Trainer ------- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Get it Up
Vengeance
Worst In Me
Cake
Razor Sharp
Humiliated Man
Sexting the Councilman
All Part of My Plan
So Easy
Doll x bimbo!fem!reader
Obey by my Rules
Benefactor x virgin!fem!reader
Sweet Dreams
Mr Anderson x student!fem!reader
Off Limits x warren lipka
Cam Girl
angst
Love The Way You Lie
Protected
headcanons
Falling Pregnant with Kai Anderson’s Messiah
Reader loves crotchet and gardening
drabbles/blurbs
bratting out in public
overstimulation
overstimulation 2
“first one to cum is a loser”
series
“Rivals” Masterlist
All Parts (5/? posted)
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saintlucretia · 7 months ago
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𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉
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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝐿𝒶𝒹𝓎 𝐼𝓃 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒲𝒶𝓁𝓁
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤaka Saint Lucretia
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ㅤㅤㅤㅤAmerican Horror Story
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James Patrick March
Last Breath
A Lethiferous Date With an Art Deco Man
Melancholy Of A Sinner
Wrong Company For A Teenage Girl
Wrong Company For A Teenage Girl, part Ⅱ (coming soon)
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Austin Sommers
Whiskey & Blood
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Michael Langdon
Devil Wears A Suit, part Ⅰ
Devil Wears A Suit, part Ⅱ
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REQUESTS ARE OPEN
(Feel free to request other fandoms as well!!)
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marchsfreakshow · 1 year ago
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Poems - The Speck [James Patrick March]
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Drabble //fluffy to all hells
Part 4 to add to the Poems collection. Find the other parts in my masterlist. <3
Yet another poem to add to your collection, and your confidence is through the roof with this poem. You just hoped James felt the same.
Your perspective!
⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷
I was vigorously typing when James appeared back in our room, blood still dripping down his face and clothes. "Darling!" He smiled. It made me jump a little as I looked away from the bright screen.
"Hello." My head cocked to the side slightly as I stared at him. "Not had time to clean up yet mister?" I giggle, putting my laptop down and walking towards the man. He shook his head as he pulled me close. Occasionally, i felt the small drips of blood on my own clothes while we hugged. Not like I cared, I was writing a poem, finally, to get published in a poem competition in the newspaper. Maybe some recognition to the garbles of words I call poems.
"Not yet my dear. Sally told me your news before I could do anything else." A small grin appeared on his face.
"I'm working on the poem right now."
"Can I read it darling?" I nodded in response. "I'll read it out loud yes?"
He started to read the words on the screen outloud as I watched him.
"The speck. It appears again. The white little cloud, floating in my eye. I itch for it. My eye burns. My brain is in love. My heart hurts." Hearing him say the poem outloud made me feel slightly embarrassed, but I just gulped and kept re-reading the poem while James spoke it.
"Oh why must I be so divided? This speck. Why is it important? This piece of dust, that is still in my vision, has no reason to leave. But I blink. And you disappear again. Maybe you'll disappear again. Maybe my brain will fall. Fall to my heart. Bye bye speck. You're nothing special. You're a white cloud."
The meaning of the poem never hit me, until James read it. Thinking about people before James, and how they didn't mean much. He smiled once he finished the poem, and looked from the laptop to my own eyes. The dead stare. Was it a good or bad stare? Whelp "Yeah..?" I asked quietly.
As soon as i spoke, he held me again, bringing me as close as he possibly could be. I took this as a guess that it was a good poem. "You're going to win. And change the world." He whispered to me. It felt like I was frozen as we hugged. Affirmations were never my strong-suit, past and present. Constantly getting put down for what i wrote all the time shattered me.
Despite the negativity that lived in my head, i smiled and kissed James' bloody face. "Thank you James. I really appreciate the positivity."
"You're perfectly wonderous my sweet bird, i have full confidence you will win this competition." He kissed my hand, what a gentleman, and let me go so i headed back to my laptop.
Sighing, i typed, refined and re-read the poem about a million times before it was sent off. A breath of relief let itself out of my mouth, and i shut the laptop, laying down. "Im so proud of you my dear."
⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷
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lvxybby · 2 years ago
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His Forever (james patrick march x reader)
I checked into a hotel after my night out drinking with my band mates. "Y/N are you sure you dont want us to drive you home?" My band mate eric asked me. "no...i've gotta check out the studio tomorrow...ill just uber there its closer than wasting my gas" I say walking to the check-in desk. "ok then...see you soon...love ya" eric said walking away. "bye Y/N" my other band mate brandon said following eric. i sigh and begin to talk to the front desk lady. "hi can i have a room for one?" i ask politely "sure that'll be $74 dollars" she replied. she turned around and gave me a key "room 64 sweetheart." she spoke with a smile. "thank you have a great night" i say walking off to my room. i see my room and begin to unlock it but i hear a voice...a very fancy voice from behind me "hello dear, enjoying your stay?" the male voice said as i turned around. i looked him up and down...he looked familiar but i couldn't put my finger on it. maybe the alcohol is messing with me. "oh well...i just got here" i reply nicely. the male was dressed very nice. he had a 1920's style. his pencil mustache and slicked back hair made him look so much more attractive. "oh..i see well im james march, the owner of this fine hotel" he stuck his hand out to me. then it snapped. james march was the owner of hotel cortez...he built the hotel and killed its residents. i shook my head thinking its just alcohol. i shook his hand. "well dear you shall get some rest...you seem a bit tipsy" he said bowing a bit. "o-ok have a good night" i say unlocking my door and heading into my room. i set down my things i came in with such as my guitar and small purse with my essentials in it. i look at the room. its very fancy and nice. its large and has a huge bed. i admire the room. it has rather a very sweet smell to it. like caramel. i go over to the window and open it. i pull out my carton of cigarettes and lighter. i light the cancer stick and begin to fill my lungs with the deadly smoke. tonights show was rough. so many people were there and my stage fright almost got the best of me. there was a fist fight at the bar and my guitar string broke while i was playing. it was so rough. me and brandon got into it cause he said he doesnt like the guitar solos i add to the songs, and he wants me to pay for a new bass for him, which i denied. he should pay for his own things. hes a adult who is capable to pay for his own bass. he makes enough money and im not gonna baby him. i realize i burnt all of my cigarette. i sigh before throwing it out the window. i close it and lay on the bed. i end up dozing off. i wake up to the sun light peeking through the window. i sit up and decide its best to get ready since i have to record in the studio today. i reach for my purse and look around for my phone. once i find it i call the taxi company. but no service. i dial again but no service again. i sigh before going to the studios number and dialing it. no answer. straight to voicemail. i sigh and throw my phone on the bed "fuck what am i gonna do?" i ask myself. i grab my pack of cigarettes and take one out before starting to smoke. i inhale the cancerous smoke into my lungs as i try to relieve my stress. before i knew it i ended up smoking the whole pack. the room was filled with the smoke. i threw the carton at the wall. "its ok i can make the appointment another time." i reassure myself. i think to myself before noticing the bedside phone. i pick it up but it was dead silent. not even the soft hum to let you know it was working. i look at the cord and notice it looks like its been chewed through. i slam the phone down. i sigh before going over to the door. my head is pounding from the night before. and that made me remember "the real james march" i sigh before exiting the room i walk down the long hallways but the familiar voice stops me again. "hello dear are you feeling better?" i snap around and see the same male. "james" stood there. it couldnt be him. he died in the 20's i learned about him in history class. now i knew it wasnt the alcohol.
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imtryingbuck · 10 months ago
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His Flower.
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~ gif not mine credit to owner ~
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader
Summary: Bucky and Y/n have known each other since they were babies, they love each other but don’t say anything until Bucky goes to war.
Word count: 11,963
Warnings: angst. fluff. mentions of cheating (not Bucky) mentions of domestic abuse. Swearing. Steve never visits Peggy when she’s old. Bucky knew about Steve getting the serum. Pregnancy. Sad Bucky (that’s a warning in itself) Bucky was accused of the bombing in Vienna in 2015 in this. Blip happens but none of the avengers get blipped nor do any of them die. There’s a lot…so if I’ve missed anything please let me know
Masterlist
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May 21st 1922
“Y/n stop running!”
“No”
“Why?”
“You have the lurgy”
Winnie and Y/m/n was standing in the shared courtyard laughing at the two five year olds as James ran after Y/n, the latter running as fast as her little legs could move.
The two women became friends rather quickly after Y/n, her mom and dad moved in next door just when Y/n was a year old. Baby James and Y/n spent everyday since they were introduced to each other, together.
“Those two…” Winnie laughed with a shake of her head as James finally grabs ahold of Y/n, her screams of laughter makes both mothers laugh along.
That was until the screams of laughter turns in to screams of pain.
James tripped over a loose concrete slab, in turn knocking into Y/n causing her to fall face first on the ground. Smacking her face and cracking her tooth.
“I-I-I’m sor-sorry Y/n I’m sorry” James cried backing up as their mothers came rushing over. His tiny hands shook as tears streamed down his puffy cheeks, he could see the blood flowing from her lips when her mom picked her up.
“Mo-momma it wa-was acciden-t I promise”
“I know sweetie, it’s okay” Winnie said after she helped her friend. Seeing her son shaking and crying as he backs up to the wall furthest away from them broke her heart, she and Y/m/n knew it was an accident and they both knew that James would never hurt his friend.
“I-it was accident” he hiccuped.
“Wan’ Jamie, mama wan’ Jamie”
Hearing her teary voice he pushed himself off the wall and ran around his ma going straight to Y/n. “I got you” whispering in to her hair as he wraps his arms around her.
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December 24th 1922
As the fire crackled next to James and Y/n as they played with his toy trains and cars Y/n’s parents argued in the kitchen, from what Y/n could tell from this latest argument was that her dad had been fucking another woman. Again.
“Jamie what fucking mean?”
“I don’t know. I think it makes you cry”
“Mama always cries when dada fucking other women”
James shrugs, honestly feeling a little bit scared because of the raised voices and things being slammed down on the counters though he was just five years old he was trying to be brave in front of his friend.
The voices got louder as Y/n’s mom was pushing her dad into the hallway, screaming at him that this was the last time and for him to never come back. A photo frame that hung up on the wall falls and smashes loudly on the floor causing James to flinch, Y/n notices and takes his hand in hers smiling - she’s grown accustomed to the bangs, screaming matches and things being broken that it doesn’t bother her anymore.
James flinched once again when the front door opens and slams shut with a deafening bang. His scared wide eyes looked at Y/n’s, she gets up and moves to sit next to him as her mom screams once more and stomps up the stairs no doubt to chuck all of her fathers clothes out of the window.
“I got you”
She promised as she wraps her small arms around his body.
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March 10th 1923
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMIE”
Y/n screamed as she ran over to him, she was so excited for his birthday she had made him a card and got him a new wooden train.
“Ahhh who are you little monster?” He screamed when she jumped on his back.
“‘M not a monster”
“You are”
“Not”
“Are”
“Kids stop arguing, you’re both monsters” Winnie laughed hugging Y/m/n.
“It’s my birthday Flower”
“No it’s my birthday”
“No it isn’t”
Both moms roll their eyes as the kids continue to argue, heading into the kitchen leaving both of them to stand in the hallway arguing.
Y/m/n was sipping the coffee that Winnie had made her, Winnie expressed how happy she was for her friend for not taking back her husband, though finding it sad that he hadn’t been around to see Y/n. Luckily George stepped up and had even brought the five year old a present for Christmas.
“Mama where is present?” Y/n asked running up to her mom.
“Here sweetie and here’s the card you made” handing over the present and card, Y/n smiled and thanked her.
“Here you go Jamie. I made the card all by myself!”
“Thank you Flower” opening the card he smiles at her messy handwriting and the drawing of him and her that she drew. James gave her a kiss on her cheek before handing the card over to Winnie, then he opened the brown paper wrapping. “Flower…”
“It’s a train Jamie”
“I-thank you so much!” James had his other one stolen from Jimmy who lived across the street, mean kid who loved to bully younger kids.
“It’s okay. Do you like it?”
“I love it Flower”
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June 2nd 1930
James and Y/n were walking down the street talking about how school went when James grabbed her hand causing her to pull it away and blush, giggling when he tried to grab her again.
“Flower stop, listen do you hear that?”
“No-wait now I do, what is it? Do you think it’s an animal? Can we keep it?”
“Yeah because animals can speak” he rolls his eyes, moving towards the entrance of the alleyway where the noise was coming from he turned to Y/n “stay here-“
“No I’m coming with you!”
“No you’re not. Just stay here”
Nodding in defeat Y/n watched him walk down the alleyway, a few minutes later she sees Jimmy and his goons running out and down the street. Running in the direction that James went she came to a halt when she saw him picking up a guy who was a lot smaller than him.
“Jamie who’s that?”
“Flower I told you stay where I told you to”
“Who is that?”
“M-my names Steve” the blonde said fixing his shirt.
“Hello Steve my names Y/n and this is James” moving closer to them she held her hand out to the blonde, turning to James “can we keep him?”
“Y/n he’s not an animal”
“But can we? We can be best friends forever and ever and ever and-“
“I’m sorry about her, she gets a bit excited sometimes” James said to Steve both watching Y/n go bright red as she continued to say ‘and ever’. “Flower breath”
“And ever and ever, please Jamie can we keep him I’ll be good forever and ever and ever-“
“Do you want to be our friend? Please say yes just to shut this one up”
Steve looked at both of them debating whether or not this was a prank, he’d gotten so use to being alone that the prospect of having two new friends scared him. But he could see the hopeful look in Y/n’s and James’s eyes, maybe just maybe this wasn’t a prank and maybe they genuinely want to be his friend.
“So…” Y/n asked getting impatient.
“O-ok, yes I’ll be your friend”
“Amazing! Come on we’re going to Mollys to get a burger-“
“And a milkshake! Have you ever been to Mollys? They make the best milkshake ever don’t they Jamie, they do so Stevie I swear”
“I apologise for her” James started.
Steve just smiled and shook his head “it’s okay bu-but I don’t have any money so I can’t come with you”
“Don’t worry about it Stevie I’ll pay for you. My father’s dead so we got money” Steve’s eyes went wide at how nonchalantly Y/n said that her father was dead.
“I-I’m sorry-“
“Don’t be I didn’t like him, so what milkshake do you want? They have vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. My favourite is strawberry and chocolate and Jamies is chocolate”
“Oh I-I’ve never had-“
James rolled his eyes as he knew what was coming. Steve looked at him wondering what he had said wrong when Y/n loudly gasped and threw herself on the ground.
“Flower-“
“He. Has. Never. Had. Milkshake. Before. Jamie”
“I know-“
“I-how, how does this even happen?”
“You going to get off the floor?”
“I can’t”
James leans over to take her hand in his and helped her stand. “Next time don’t throw yourself on the ground, your ma will get mad at you for ruining your skirt again”
“Come on Steve I’m going to blow your mind with the best milkshake in the world” ignoring James’s words she grabbed Steve’s hand and started to drag him to Mollys.
“Flower stop dragging him and be careful!”
To be truthful Steve didn’t honestly mind that she was dragging him along the pavement, he was quite excited about trying something new.
“Sooo whatcha think?” Y/n asked as soon as the glass was put in front of him.
“Flower he hasn’t even tried it yet” James laughed though he did have to admit that he was also wondering what his new friend was going to think of the drink.
Taking the straw in his mouth he took slow sips, liking the way it tasted straight away. “It’s good, I like it”
“Yes!” Y/n screamed causing some of the customers to look at her, not like she cared.
Luanne came over to serve them, she was an older lady who had grown use to the antics that James and Y/n liked to cause. As soon as she saw the two coming down the street she always had their milkshakes at the ready, knowing that on Monday, Tuesday and Friday Y/n had strawberry and the other days chocolate.
“Your usual darlings?”
“Yes please, Stevie what do you want?”
“I-I don’t have mo-“
“It’s on me I told you. We get burger and fries and they are the best”
“I-are you sure?”
“The best ever I promise”
“N-no about buying me food…you’ve already brought me a drink”
“Don’t be silly, do you want the same at us?”
“Okay, thank you”
Luanne smiled and walked away back to behind the counter. Steve watched as James or Bucky as he told him to call him, put his arm around Y/n’s shoulder and point at someone walking down the street. He couldn’t help but smile when Y/n laughed at whatever Bucky had said.
The food had come and true to her word it was amazing, Luanne came back over to hand them new drinks winking at Y/n who winked back, he found out that the second milkshakes were free. For the first time in Steve’s life he laughed and smiled genuinely, he had no idea that being beat up in some dingy alleyway would lead him to be making two new friends who actually seemed like they cared about him already.
Steve knew he had made two friends for life.
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14th February 1931
“Hey Stevie” Y/n sang as she skipped up to him.
“Hey Y/n/n you still doing that?” Referring to her skipping, it was a new phase she was going through. Every where she went she skipped.
“Of course” she giggled.
“Where’s Bucky?”
“With his girlfriend” she grumbled. Poor James thought his best friend liked his girlfriend but Steve observant as always knew that this was indeed not the case.
“Yo-you still don’t like her I guess?”
“No. Are you okay? Is your eczema play-“
“Asthma, Y/n I have asthma”
“Oh yeah ah, is it playing up today?” Receiving a nod she nods too. “How about we walk super slow so you can catch your breath”
“I-I need to g-get back to home, n-need to help ma cle-clean up”
“That’s okay I’ll help you and your mom I don’t mind”
“A-ar-are you sure?”
“Of course, plus I’ve missed your mom”
Arriving at the Rogers’s residence Sarah greeted Y/n with a tight hug and a kiss to her cheek happy to see the young girl again. Ten minutes into cleaning Y/n told Steve to sit down as his asthma was getting worse, Sarah tried to help out but Y/n just shook her head and told her that it was fine.
She truly didn’t mind helping in cleaning up, she had grown use to having to do it at home since her mom was always working and her step father was too lazy and drunk most of the time to do it.
A year after kicking her father out of the house for the last time her mom got divorced from him as he was wanting to marry the woman he had been cheating on her with. Unfortunately her mom married another lazy man who only thought of himself.
But her mom was happy so Y/n was happy for her.
When her father died for some reason her mom received all his money. Which it had annoyed his new wife tremendously.
“It’s getting late darling, you should head home-oh just before you go here’s some mon-“
“No need to Mrs Sarah, I’ll see you tomorrow Stevie”
Waving goodbye and leaving the house before Sarah could argue about giving her money, skipping down the street she didn’t realise how dark it was when she was in the warm home that belonged to the Rogers.
As she got closer to home she came to a stop when she heard strange noises come from an alleyway, choosing to inspect the sounds she crept down the dark path, furrowing her eyebrows at hearing two different voices she was about to pop her head around before freezing.
“Oh Bucky” a girl moaned.
Slapping her hand across her mouth she started to stumble back. Of course she knew that James was going to be having sex, he was handsome and every girl wanted him, and of course she knew what they was doing she wasn’t stupid but hearing what followed after the girl moaned broke her heart.
He called his girlfriend Flower.
The name that he had always called her he was now calling someone else it. It was her nickname that he gave her since they was four and now he was calling some girl he had been dating for two months her name.
It broke her heart.
For three weeks she had managed to successfully avoid James she knew it was silly for not talking to her best friend over a nickname that he had every right to call someone else but she just couldn’t help but feel down knowing that she wasn’t his flower anymore.
“Y/n, Bucky and Steve’s here for you” her mom shouted from the door, she could hear her talking to them from where she was stood at from the top of the stairs.
Her heart dropped when her mom told both boys just to head up to her room. Scrambling and knocking over her little brother she ran into her room, shutting the door quietly before jumping on the springy mattress causing the metal bed frame to squeak loudly.
“Knock knock little monster” she could hear the smile in his voice.
“Come in” and she also knew that he would be frowning at her response, it wasn’t the usual one she gave him.
“Hi Flower” if he noticed her tensing he didn’t say anything about it.
“Hi Y/n/n”
“Hi boys. What are you doing here?”
“Missed you, you haven’t been around much” James said watching her reaction.
“I’ve been busy” she shrugged. It wasn’t a total lie but wasn’t the whole truth either.
“Doing?” James knew that she was lying, whenever she did she could never look him in the eyes.
“Things”
“What kind of things?”
“Things James! I do not understand why you are so nosey”
“Because I miss my Flower” stating it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He frowned when she flinched at his nickname for her. “W-what was that for? Why did you flinch”
“I-I don’t know what your talking about”
“You flinched when I called you Flower”
“You did Y/n” Steve interrupted, he did hate having to come in between his best friends but he knew that if he didn’t it would probably go on and on.
“I-“ sighing with a huff she shrugged her shoulders. She knew James better than anyone she knew he wasn’t going to give up any time soon. “I heard you”
“Heard me? What are you talking about?”
“Calling your girlfriend Flower”
“I-I’ve never-”
“In the alleyway when you were having sex”
Steve shifted awkwardly on his feet whilst James stood still like a statue. He couldn’t understand what the problem was, so what he was having sex at least it was with his girlfriend, why would his best friend be upset about that?
“You called her Flower James.”
Oh. Oh shit.
“I-you-it-“
“Whatever it’s just a nickname right? I’m sorry that I haven’t spoken to you in weeks but it hurt Jamie, but she’s your girlfriend-“
“I broke up with her”
“Right…so can we be friends again?”
“Aren’t you going to ask me why I broke up with her?”
“No. I just want to be your flower again”
“You’ve always have been Y/n, nobody will take that away from you”
Sliding off the bed she jumped on James, wrapping her arms and legs around him hugging him like she had never done before.
Yes it hurt because he had called someone else the name he had given her but she realised she was being silly for not talking to him over it, he was her best friend as well as Steve and that’s all that mattered.
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December 10th 1941
The Second World War had been going on for three years and now America was getting involved after the attack on Pearl Harbour, it’s all everyone spoke about, before there was young men leaving their homes and families to go over to Britain to help fight, a fight they had no reason to be apart off other than to help beat the bad guys, now no one had a choice but to fight.
When James told Y/n that he too enlisted in the army it crushed her heart, she knew he was doing it to help defend his country but that didn’t stop her from being scared. Scared of losing him.
“I can do this all day” Steve panted as the guy tried to get closer to him and Y/n. Y/n couldn’t help but roll her eyes at Steve’s confidence, she knew that he could not in fact do this all day. His asthma was getting the better of him.
Just as Steve was about to leap forward to defend himself and Y/n the guy was pulled away by the scruff of his jacket.
“Pick on someone your own size” James kicked the guy away, watching as the bully scramble away.
Y/n and Steve stood there frozen on the spot at seeing James dressed in his uniform.
It was really happening. She was going to lose her best friend.
“Why are you wearing that?”
“Because I’m a pirate. I’ve been recruited Flower, I ship out tomorrow” though James had a smile on his face his stomach churned at reminding himself of when he was going to fight, churned at not knowing when he was going to see his Flower or Steve again or if he ever would.
“Tomorrow? T-that’s not enough time-no Jamie you can’t-“
“I have to Y/n-“
“Tell them no.”
“You want me to tell the US Army no?”
“Yes”
“Flower”
“Or I’ll do it if your to chicken”
“Chicken? Really?”
“Guys stop arguing.” Steve tried to intervene but it was too late. He watched as his two best friends argued back and forth, feeling annoyed at the fact that he had been rejected once again no matter what name he used or what area he said he was from. And yet his best friend had been accepted by the Army and was allowed to go and fight against the bad guys.
“Anyway come on, we’re going to the Stark Expo”
What James failed to mention to the pair that he had a date with Connie or was it Bonnie? He couldn’t actually remember but whoever he was going on a date with the other girl was for Steve, he felt slightly bad that Y/n would have to be fifth wheeling even if he knew that she would end up leaving under the arm of some guy.
“-so I told him that he had to look after his own children you know? And guess what he said to me-Stevie? Ste-not again” Y/n muttered when she realised that not only had she been talking to herself for god knows how long, but when she turned around she saw the small frame of her best friend going into a recruiting tent that was set up at the Expo.
Following after him she watched as he went into a small makeshift room, entering she laughed when Steve tried to cover his naked chest.
“Steve seriously? You can’t keep doing this-“
“Why not? I can fight, just because I’m smaller then everyone including you doesn’t mean that I can’t help“
“You’d be killed straight away Steven!”
“So what?”
“So what? Steve-“
“I’ve agreed to be part of a science project for a doctor-“
“A science project? Steve what the hell are you talking about?”
“I-it doesn’t matter what does matter is that I’ve been accepted and I’m going to war”
“No. I forbid you from going”
“Forbid me?” Steve scoffed finding her behaviour stupid. He wanted to do that right thing and she was forbidding it. Ridiculous. “You can’t stop me Y/n”
“I-I don’t want to lose you too”
“What are you talking about? Buck will be fine”
“He might not Steve you don’t know this. I can’t-don’t want to lose my best friends please just stay with me here an-and wait for Ja-“
“No Y/n I’m doing this! Stop being selfish”
Being called selfish had whatever response she was going to reply back with to die on her tongue. Y/n was called selfish time and time again by her step father when she wouldn’t look after her siblings, his children. She had grown to detest that word, hated to be called it which James and Steve knew.
Steve instantly knew that he had messed up but before he could apologise he watched his best friend nod, spin on her heels and walked out.
James looked around with a smile on his lips when the flying car got higher off the ground frowning when he didn’t see Flower or Steve, his eyes darted around to find them, his left eye twitched slightly when he saw Y/n coming out of the recruiting tent he knew she had probably tried to talk to Steve out of signing up. 
Ever since the war was declared Steve had become slightly obsessed with going on the front lines along with the rest of the hero’s and fight. James and Y/n took it in turns to get Steve away from the recruiting centres, took it in turns comforting him when he got turned down because of his health problems.
Leaving the girls where they were he went to find Steve to see what had happened. “Steve seriously man just give up”
“Don’t start Buck I’ve had enough of Y/n trying to stop me.” Steve told Bucky how Dr Erskine had given him the opportunity of joining the war to the whole conversation between him and Y/n, he quietly told his best friend that he had called their friend selfish.
“You called her selfish? Steve!”
“I know okay I know I messed up but-“
“Did she say where she was going?”
“No, I thought she was going to find you”
Bucky goes to reply when he gets interrupted by the two girls that he and Steve were meant to be on a date with, asking if they were still going dancing, James sighed before telling them no he had other plans. The girls wasn’t happy but James didn’t care, he needed to find his Flower.
Saying his goodbyes to Steve he turned on his heels to go to Y/n’s house.
Knocking on the door he waited patiently for someone to open, Y/n’s little sister opened and smiled instantly showing Bucky her missing front teeth. “Y/ns in her room”
“Thanks little one”
“‘M not little anymore!” She pouted, the same pout that reminded him of Y/n’s when she was younger.
“No, no you’re not” ruffling her hair he laughed when she tried to hit him, he’s always had a habit of winding up their younger siblings.
Bounding up the stairs nearly tripping over the toy train that belonged to her younger brother he turned the corner and knocked on Y/n’s bedroom door.
“Go away”
“Wow that’s rude Flower”
“Jamie?”
“Who else is calling you flower?”
“No one”
“Are you going let me in or we going to keep talking with a door in between us?”
“You may enter”
Entering her bedroom his heart clenched in his chest at seeing her eyes and cheeks red, tear strained track marks on her puffy cheeks. Ever since they were young he’s always hated seeing her cry.
His stomach dropping when he sees the photograph in her hands, knowing exactly which one it was. James had dragged Y/n and Steve to Coney Island for the day, James made Steve go on the Cyclone which was absolutely terrifying yet amazing at the same time. Steve didn’t quite enjoy it like Bucky or Y/n as he vomited pretty much everywhere.
Winnie, had taken the photo that morning they were standing outside the home James grew up in, smiling at the camera. Y/n in the middle of the two guys, Bucky had his arm around her shoulder and she had hers around Steve.
It was the only photo she had of the three of them.
“Flower…”
“He’s leaving me too, a doctor-a scientist has told him that he can join if he takes part in an experiment James. I-I don’t want to lose you both Jamie”
“Hey-hey your not losing either one of us doll-“
“But I am. This war is dangerous and if I lose either one of you I-I-“
“I promise you that I’ll come back-“
“You can’t promise me that Buck”
“I’m with you ‘til the end of the line, you know this. And I’ll always come back to you Y/n, always. Especially if you let me make an honest woman out of you” his voice went quieter, serious, hopeful that she would hear the genuine words that he spoke.
“You…want to-after going on a date with someone else on your last night of freedom-want to make an honest woman out of me?”
“I, yes. Y/n flower it’s always been you”
“I should be the one making an honest woman out of you-wait-what?”
He couldn’t help but chuckle at her facial expression when she finally registers his words “I’ve been in love with you for so long Y/n”
“And you’re telling me this the night before you ship off to god knows where?”
“You know me Flower, I’ve always been good with timing”
“You really aren’t” she laughed.
“Am too. But what do you say? When I get back I’ll marry you, get us a nice house maybe on a farm? We can have all the animals you want-yes even a dinosaur even though they don’t exist-and we’ll have children, and we can be happy forever”
“Y-you really want that with me?”
“There’s no one else in this world that I want that life with Flower”
Instead of verbally answering she threw herself into him, wrapping her arms around his neck and nodding so fast Bucky thought her head might fall off. Bucky held her face in between his hands just staring at her, he knew that she would never see herself in the same way he has always seen her, he lent in pressing his lips to hers hopefully being able to show her how much he loved her without saying those words out loud.
That night they slept arm in arm with one another both equally dreading for the sun to come up.
When the sun finally made an appearance, he left with the promise that he would be back in an hour so that their families could walk him to the docks, and not without stealing another kiss from her.
Hand in hand an hour later with Winnie, Rebecca, Y/m/n, Y/n’s stepdad and siblings met up with Steve who was waiting outside Mollys with three milkshakes. Everyone walked ahead whilst the three best friends walked slowly behind them, wanting to try and delay the inevitable.
“My promise still stands Flower, I’ll come home and we’ll have the perfect life together. I promise”
“You best come home to me then Jamie or I’ll beat you up”
“Wouldn’t doubt that for a second” he chuckled, everyone else joins in. “I promise to be safe and come home to you Flower. And I’ll write to you when I can okay?”
“I’ll write back to you I promise.”
When the last signal called for all soldiers to get on the ship, Bucky swallowed the sob that tried to make its way out of his plumb lips. Hugging his ma and sister one last time, and his best friends mom and siblings before making his way to Steve, hugging Steve he asked the blonde to look after Y/n which Steve promised he would. Standing in front of Y/n he smiled sadly and wiped her tears away before kissing her one last time, he’d already grown addicted to the way she tasted and the way her lips fit perfectly against his.
He couldn’t wait until he got back so he could spend the rest of his life kissing her.
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March 15th 1942
“Y/n there’s a letter here for you!” Her little sister shouted from the bottom of the stairs, there was only one person that would be writing to her, hearing her sister she fell out of the bed with how fast she was trying to get out of it, running down the stairs she grabbed the letter out of her sisters hand.
“Y/n slow down” her mom tried to warn her but it was no use she was already running back upstairs. The excitement getting the better of her. Ripping open the envelope she settled back on her bed.
***
Dear Flower,
It’s been three months since I last saw you and I’m missing you more and more everyday, how are you? Have you been missing me? How’s Steve been? I’ve wrote to him too but I know you’ll tell me the truth.
I’m still holding on to my promise I made so don’t be finding any other man, please.
I’m sorry it’s not the longest letter but I don’t have much time, I’m sorry.
I love you Flower, I should have told you that the last time I saw you but just know I do with all my heart, I’ll see you soon.
All my love
Your Jamie.
***
“So…what did he say?” Y/n was so engrossed in the letter she didn’t hear her bedroom door squeak open or see her mom and sister standing in the doorway.
“H-he said he loves me, momma he loves me”
“Have you only just noticed?”
“What?”
“That boy has been in love with you for as long as I can recall” her mom said as matter of factly.
“I-I need paper a-an-and a pen I need to tell him that I love him too”
Her mom smiled before handing her a piece of paper and a pen that she hid behind her back, she even gave her money so she could get a stamp to put on the letter.
***
Dear Jamie,
I love you.
I’ve been doing good, helping down at the factory with the rest of the women it’s good, I’ve made a friend her names Dot her husband is also fighting, she’s got two kids and Jamie they are the cutest little kids I’ve seen! Of course I have been missing you Jamie! Steve’s doing okay, he’s got a crush on a British woman names Peggy (but don’t tell him I told you that) she’s pretty, smart and really nice. I think she likes him too!
No other man will take me away from you Jamie I promise, I can’t wait to marry you and be able to wind you up for the rest of our lives together, I’m joking. Or am I?
Don’t apologise for your letter being short, anything is better than not having any from you, as long as you are okay and safe that’s all that matters to me.
I love you with all my heart to Jamie, honestly and truly.
Be safe and come home to me.
All my love
Your Flower.
***
Folding the letter and sliding it in an envelope her mom had given her when she was writing, she slipped her letter into the envelope sealing it off she ran downstairs slipping her shoes on she ran out of the house and down the street to the post office.
“A-a s-stamp pl-please” she panted at the worker.
The second the stamp was sealed securely on her envelope she posted it. Her heart raising rapidly, the temptation to just stand there and wait for the mailman to collect all the letters was there until someone cleared their throat from behind her.
“Sorry, I’m sorry” she muttered before leaving, now she just had to wait now until Bucky wrote her back. Shouldn’t be too long. Hopefully.
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June 21st 1943
She last received a letter from James three months ago, he told her where he was and how he was doing, told her all about his comrades, told her that he’d come back to her. Ended that letter like the rest, with him telling her how much he loved her. Writing back as quickly as possible she told him how things were going, telling him about her news friends from the factory, and like all the others she ended it with telling him how much she loved him.
Everyday for three months she waited patiently for a letter to come, sighing deeply when she never received one. She was starting to get nervous at the prospect of something bad happening to him, but she kept pushing that thought away as she saw Rebecca everyday at the factory and she hadn’t said anything to her.
Six months after James left for war Y/n moved to a small apartment above the post office, it was small but enough for just her. One night after finishing her shift at the factory, Mary who worked at the post office came running out to her handing her a letter, Y/n ran up the stairs struggled to open her front door like always before she managed to get it to open, quickly closing and locking the door - keeping her promise to James who had made her promise to keep her front door locked at all times.
***
Dear Flower,
I’ve missed you terribly. How are you? I hope you’re okay and safe.
How’s Steve doing? He’s not been really responding to my letters. I’m a bit worried about him.
I’m sorry my letters are getting shorter, it’s just things have been hectic lately.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers every day and night, I’ll come home soon and I’m all yours forever I promise.
I love you more than anything Y/n.
All my love
Your Jamie.
***
Wiping her tears she moved to get her paper and pen, settling on her couch she started to write.
***
Dear Jamie,
I’m missing you more and more every day, I’m doing okay and I’m safe, you do not need to worry about me just as long as you are safe and sound that’s all that matters to me.
Steve will be getting the serum tomorrow (22nd June) I’m scared for him but Peggy has told me that everything will be okay. She’s even said I can come along too, Rebecca has said she will cover my shift because she’s an angel. Steve’s been busy but he’s okay I promise, oh…he jumped on a grenade BUT don’t worry it wasn’t a real one! I screamed and cried when Peggy told me, then I smacked Steve…he deserved it.
I’ve already told you not to worry about the shortness of your letters, I reread every single one of them over and over again.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers day in and day out.
I love you more and more than you’ll ever know. 
All my love
Your Flower.
***
Sealing the letter in the envelope she unlocked the door and skipped downstairs where Mary unlocked the door and handed her a stamp, Mary knew the routine that Y/n had every time she got a letter that she waited long after closing so her new friend could post it that same day.
“Thanks Mary”
“Don’t need to thank me, how is he?”
“He didn’t say…but he said he misses me, it’s hectic over there so”
“It’s understandable, are you meeting Steve and that Brit tomorrow?”
“Peggy-“ Y/n laughed “-and yes, it’s a very big day tomorrow”
“What’s happened again?”
“H-he has a special operation and I’m just going for emotional support” she smiled, Peggy told her not to say anything to anyone but Mary had overheard Y/n talking to Steve about it. So she told her Mary that it was an operation he was having.
“Well I hope it goes well. I’ll see you tomorrow, goodnight darling”
The next morning Y/n waited outside for Steve and Peggy to show up, nearly ten minutes later a sleek black car pulled up and Peggy got out greeting her. Instantly regretting sitting in the middle of two people who were flirting, made worse by Steve as he didn’t realise that Peggy was in fact flirting.
Just like the car ride Y/n blanked out most of what Dr Erskine was waffling on about, her eyes kept going to the bed where Steve lay strapped in to Howard Stark, still slightly star struck.
Everything happened next was lost on her. Her heart raced when she heard Steve screaming in the chamber, a beast of a man was released from said chamber it looked like Steve, her best friend Stevie but this guy was huge. Strong. Muscly. Taller.
Before Steve had to look up to her and now it was the other way around. He said her name and smiled, he pulled her into his arms as she gaped at her best friend’s transformation. Steve released her to look at Peggy as she moved closer.
The unmistakable bang of a gun firing sounded in the room, Steve wasted no time in knocking Y/n on the ground covering her body with his. Dr Erskine had been shot, Steve took off barefoot after the gunman, Y/n’s hands were drenched in blood as she tried to put pressure on the wound, Howard Stark helping her by covering his hands over hers.
It all happened in a blur.
It all happened to fast.
She didn’t like it, she was scared.
She wanted Jamie.
She was always safe with her Jamie.
“Y/n? Y/n look at me love, it’s Peggy. I need you to concentrate”
But she couldn’t. There was too much blood. There was chaos in the background and the only thing she could focus on was the shaking of her hands covered in someone else’s blood.
“Y/n please darling snap out of it” that sounded a lot like Howard she thought to herself.
She could hear them talking then she saw Howard standing and moving away slowly. Then everything came into focus. The look of distress in Peggy’s eyes, the destruction of the room, the white sheet covering a body.
“S-Steve?”
“He’s, he’s okay. We need to go love”
“I-I-I want Jamie”
“I know but he isn’t here right now an-and he will be rather mad at me if I don’t get you out of here, so please follow me”
Despite the blood on Y/n’s hands Peggy still took them in hers and helped her stand, although Peggy didn’t really know Y/n all that well she knew that Steve cared deeply for her, making her care about the woman. Her main focus was getting Y/n to safety and then she could worry about everything else.
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December 10th 1944
It’s been well over a year since Y/n watched Dr Erskine get shot and killed, in that year she went back to work in the factory. Nothing really changed for her in that year that had gone by, months would go by without a letter from Bucky she knew that he was still alive as his family wasn’t informed to state that he was dead.
It brought her some relief. But that didn’t stop the sadness from sinking in when she didn’t get a letter.
Steve had become a circus monkey for America, gaining himself the name Captain America. When she saw one of his shows for the very first time she couldn’t stop laughing. The outfit. The way he looked so unsure and uncomfortable. The music. The acting. It was laughable.
“Stop laughing Y/n” Steve said walking into the tent as she followed behind him.
“I-god you look ridiculous Stevie”
“Stop laughing!” He tried to act mad but her laugh had his lips turning upwards. For Steve it had been a long time since he heard her laugh like that. He missed it.
In October of 1943 Steve showed up at her apartment acting different, he was quieter, avoided talking about Bucky. Y/n had asked him if there was something wrong but all he did was give her a tight lipped smile and shook his head.
He wanted to tell her that he was told that Bucky and his unit had been captured as POWs, he wanted to reassure her that he was going to do everything in his power to get him back, to bring him home to her so they could get the life he’s knows they’ve always wanted with each other. 
But he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bring himself to say them words and see her smile fade, tears gather in her eyes so he remained silent and listened to her rambling about something one of the girls said at work.
He couldn’t fail her, he was going to bring Bucky back no matter what it took.
Unbeknownst to Y/n not only was Bucky captured and then saved by their once scrawny little friend but that in ten minutes there was going to be a knock at the door and she’d be taken by two soldiers to go somewhere.
“It’s like I’m invisible” Bucky mutters when Peggy doesn’t even give him a second glance, he found it funny that Peggy had to practically spell it out for the blonde to understand what she was trying to hint. He knew that if Y/n was here and saw the exchange she would have been smiling so wide with her hands clasped together against her heart.
A small smile made its way to his lips as he thought about Y/n, his Flower. As soon as he got back to camp from being saved by Steve he went straight to his tent and wrote a letter to her, sealing it up in an envelope he got from one of the soldiers, giving it to the person he needed to for it to be sent off. Already excited for her letter. He missed her more than anything.
“You thinking about her Buck?” Steve’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.
“Of course, she’s always on my mind-what?”
“Who’s always on your mind?”
“Ms Potts from down the street-“ he rolled his eyes “-Y/n, you’re an idiot sometimes Steve I swear”
“I’m always on your mind Jamie?”
Bucky’s eyes went wide looking Steve in the eyes, the blonde just smiled at him. Slowly turning around, his heart thumped loudly in his chest, blood rushing in his ears he turned to find the source of the voice he has missed hearing.
Well aware that his unit, his team, strangers that became friends were standing around, he didn’t care if they saw their Sergeant with tears gathering in his eyes.
He didn’t care about anything other than Y/n who was currently standing in front of him. Her flower print dress fit perfectly, lightly moving as she stands there. Her eyes focused on him as he took her in, god she was so beautiful.
“F-Flower?”
“Hi Jamie”
“Wha-how-your really here? I’m not dreaming again am I?”
“No” she giggled, the sound making his heart tingle.
“If you don’t kiss her I will” Dum Dum shouted making everyone laugh. But not Bucky. No it made him move quicker than he’d ever moved before, cupping her face in his hands he smiled before placing his lips to hers. Steve joined in with everyone else as they cheered and clapped. 
“You’re really here” Bucky whispered against her lips, resting his forehead against hers breathing in her scent.
“I’m really here”
That night he took her to his hotel room that they had been allowed to stay at, and made love to her for the first time. Three times that night. One more time before they had to say goodbye to each other again.
Just as she was about to get into the car Bucky kissed her one last time, and got down on one knee, proposing to her with a metal nut - that he had found in the room they shared - asking her to marry him before she could answer he promised that once he was back he’d buy her a ring.
Kissing him she held out her hand for him to slid the nut onto her finger.
“I’m getting married to my Flower” he said as the car that carried his love away. Steve smiled at his best friend’s happiness.
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January 28th 1945
“Are you sure you’re alright?” Dot asked Y/n as she threw up for the second time that day.
“I’m okay. Must have been something I ate”
“You sure? Didn’t you say you saw James last month?”
“Yes…why?”
“Did you two…you know”
“Wha-oh, yes, a few times” she admitted, her cheeks going bright red.
“Do you think? Maybe? Right?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You might be pregnant” Dot whispered.
Her head spun as the words from her friend settled in. She hadn’t had her period she realised. No. Surely not, right?
“Go and see the doctor after your shift and check” Dot continued.
“I have half an hour off before I start back up again”
“I’ll cover you”
“You’ve got kids you need to-“
“My mom’s here to help me, I’ll be fine”
“But-“
“No buts missy, you need to find out if you are.”
After twenty minutes of arguing back and forth with Dot, Y/n finally caved. Going to the hospital she waited patiently for her bloods to be taken. Completely unaware that across town two families were receiving the worst news.
Getting her keys out of her bag she froze when she saw Steve standing outside her apartment dressed in civilian clothing as Bucky called it now.
“Steve? Hey! What are you doing here?”
“Y/n, I need to talk to you”
“Is it Jamie? Steve? Where’s Bucky?”
But Steve didn’t answer instead he took her keys from her shaking hands and unlocked the door, pushing it open he turned to grasp her arm and guided her in to her apartment. His heart sinking further into his stomach than it already was before coming to her apartment, when he saw the metal nut still sitting on her finger.
“Steve…”
“I failed you Y/n/n I-I’m so sorry”
“He’s okay. He is. I know it”
Shaking his head the scene replying over and over in his head like it had for the past week since he watched his best friend fall to his death “H-he-he’s gone Y/n, I’m so-sorry” He jumps up just in time to catch her as she falls to her knees, a painful sob leaving her lips.
Sadly Steve wasn’t done.
“Y/n…there’s something else, Michael…he’s been killed”
Michael was her half brother. She was close with him, closer to him than she was with her younger siblings. Michael never failed to make her laugh, he always acted like he was the oldest one of the two though there was eight years between them. Y/n was the first person he told when he got his orders from the Army, she hugged him as he cried. It’s not that he didn’t want to fight and help it was that he was terrified.
“No! No you’re lying.”
Helping her stand he took her home where her mom’s screams and cries could be heard from outside the home. Watching as mom and daughter cling together from the doorway Steve let a few tears fall.
Two days after finding out that her best friend turned fiancé and her sweet younger brother were killed Y/n found out she was pregnant. A few weeks later they buried Michael.
On the second of March 1945 Peggy arrived at Y/n’s apartment, eyes red and swollen. They held each other as they cried. Y/n gathered that Steve never got his letter to let him know he was going to be an uncle.
When Peggy noticed the small prodding bump her heart ached. She knew she had to keep the promise that she gave Steve, that she would look after Y/n. Steve had told Peggy that just before Bucky fell he told the blonde to look after his fiancée, the two best friend’s last thoughts were on their best friend and fiancée. Neither one knowing that she pregnant.
A month later Y/n and her family, Winnie and Rebecca were at the cemetery, she smiled sadly when she felt her baby kick for the first time when the preacher said James Buchanan Barnes, they watched as two empty coffins were put into the ground.
She knew that the baby she was growing inside of her would have been so loved and spoiled by its father and uncle Stevie, it broke her heart knowing that her unborn baby would never meet the two greatest men she had ever known.
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Five years passed after she lost three men closest to her. After she gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby girl that she named Hope Jamie Barnes, she moved out of the tiny little apartment she had and moved into a farm house that had acres of land.
Just because her Jamie wasn’t with her anymore didn’t mean she was going to give up on the life that he had planned for them. She still wore that metal nut, everyone thought it was strange but luckily for her they never asked about it. However it no longer sat on her finger but around her neck on a silver chain.
A wedding ring sat there now instead.
Two years after Hope was born her mom made her get married. “You’re twenty nine now Y/n you need a husband” her mom told her, reluctantly she agreed and married a man named Frank. At first Frank was okay, nice even but things changed only after a few months of marriage. It started with small things such as telling her what to wear, how to act. Then it turned nasty, the abuse was mental, verbal and physical.
Three years into their marriage she had become numb and use to it all. Became use to the women talking and giggling like school girls when they saw her in the store or on the streets, the same women who were sleeping with her husband. It didn’t bother her anymore that her husband was cheating on her, the more women he had to satisfy him the more he was away from her home, the less she got beaten and berated.
It didn’t even bother her that he had gotten one of his mistresses pregnant or when the mistress’s husband found out and beat Frank to within an inch of his life. In fact she smiled.
Y/n and Peggy’s friendship became non existent after Y/n got married and Peggy married Daniel Sousa, when Peggy and Daniel started dating Peggy had asked Y/n if she was wrong for it but Y/n told her that she deserved to be happy and if he gave that to her then she should have that happiness.
Peggy worried if Steve would have been mad, Y/n had to remind her that he wouldn’t have wanted her to live a life of loneliness.
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When Hope was five she was wise for her age, she knew Frank wasn’t her father, she knew her daddy had passed away when he protected the country from the bad guys. Hope enjoyed her nighttime stories where her mama would tell her all about her father, hearing about how funny, kind and loving her father was always made the little girl smile. One night Y/n showed Hope the few photographs she had of James, Hope giggled and pointed at her eyes and then at James’s “same mommy same”. It was true, Hope had the same colour eyes as Bucky and like Bucky’s eyes they changed lighter when she was happy or giggling, turned darker when she was sad or when she was poorly.
Every Sunday Y/n and Hope had a routine, they would go to the cemetery to put flowers down on the graves of James and Steve. They would sit on a blanket and eat the sandwiches that Y/n would take with them, they would sit, eat and talk for hours - depending on the weather. Hope would show the headstones all her drawings and tell them all about her schooling and friends, told them her favourite colour - the rainbow that’s her favourite colour.
Y/n knew that there was no bodies in the coffins but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t sit there with her daughter in her lap and tell the two empty graves that she loved and missed them. Every time.
It was still a tradition that they both did even as Y/n got older and weaker.
In 1970 her husband was killed, Franks brother Robert was arrested and charged with his murder. Robert found out that his wife was having an affair with his brother. Y/n went to see him in prison after Robert sent her a letter begging her to see him, he swore that he didn’t do it. That it was a man with a silver arm. Y/n believed him when he said he didn’t do it, he was with his sister, her husband and their children, along with Robert’s children. But she didn’t believe him about a man with a silver arm, that was a bit far fetched.
At Franks funeral Y/n stood there with Hope on her left side and the nine children he had with nine different women. She tried to comfort the children he had with the women he had cheated on her with, they allowed it until everyone left and it was just them standing at the grave. His oldest started laughing causing the others to join in, Hope looked at her mom with a raised eyebrow that reminded her so much of Bucky, she just shrugged.
They told Y/n that they were happy he was finally gone. Told her that they hated him and was glad he was dead.
It surprised her but they were at the age where they realised that their parents marriages broke up when their mom cheated on their dad, or when they saw Frank hit their mom. It was nine teenagers/young adults who knew that what the preacher was saying as the coffin was lowered in the ground that it was all lies, he wasn’t a good man, he wasn’t a good husband or father, he was everything they hated. He was everything the five boys had promised that they would never turn in to. He was everything the four girls promised that they would never end up with.
They all kept in touch throughout the years, it was nice. And through them years all nine of his offspring kept their promises.
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As the years went on Y/n became more and more proud of Hope and the woman she had become. Hope got married and had children, her first born son was named James, her second son was named Steve.
“M-mom there’s someone here to see you” Hope stuttered from the doorway.
“W-who i-is it darling?”
“I-he-hold on”
Hope appeared at the door with a nervous smile on her face, her fingers twisting together as a man walked slowly towards her. His eyes going to the woman and then to the man behind him, he was scared.
“Hope?”
“Mom-“
Y/n slowly turned to face the doorway, her eyes widening as she sees the ghost of her best friend towering over her daughter.
“S-Stevie? You’ve come to take me to Jamie?”
Steve frowned looking at the woman who was the last person on his mind before the plane crashed in to the water, his best friend who had aged yet her eyes remained the same. Then he looked at Hope confusion written on his face, she looked up at him and smiled sadly.
“Mom I’m just going to get you a drink.” Nodding her head to Steve and Sam to follow her she went into the kitchen. “She thinks your taking her to heaven to see my dad”
“Dad?”
“James? He’s my father”
Steve’s heart thumped painfully in his chest. When Hope answered the door telling him that she was Y/n’s daughter he assumed that she had married and had children, he did not expect the woman in front of him to be the daughter of his best friend who he watched fall to his death.
“What?”
“Bucky Barnes is my father…you’re my uncle, well that’s what my mom always called you.”
“Oh. Now I see it, it’s your eyes”
“Mom always said I had the same eyes as him” she laughed.
Steve goes to open his mouth when there’s a sound of a cane hitting the floor, all three turn to face the doorway where Y/n stood.
“Are you re-really alive and not just m-my imagination?”
“I’m really here Y/n/n”
“H-how?”
“When I crashed the plane-ow stop hitting me” he cries out when she hits him with her walking cane, Sam and Hope laugh.
“Still mad at you for crashing that plane”
“I’m sorry. I was frozen and they found me a few years ago” Steve finished his explanation. Y/n nodded and sat down, being ninety five years old her legs weren’t as strong as they once were.
“This is my daughter, she’s beautiful isn’t she?”
“She is, she’s got Bucky’s eyes”
“Yes she has. Who’s your friend?”
“This is Sam, he’s the one that helped me track you down”
“I-it’s nice to meet you Sam.” When Y/n reached out to shake Sam’s hand Steve noticed a glint of a necklace. He watched as her free hand went to the necklace and started lightly tugging on it, he wasn’t the only one.
“Mom? Mom your alright, your safe don’t worry” Hope says softly, moving closer slowly. Sam looked at Steve worriedly.
“I-I don’t-don’t let him hurt me anymore”
“Mom he’s dead, he can’t hurt you anymore I promise” Hope helped pull the necklace out, handing her the thing she knew her mom was trying to hold.
Steve’s breath get caught in his throat at seeing the metal nut Bucky gave her all those years ago.
“S-Steve? Your dead. Hope wh-who is he? I-it’s not Stevie, he’s dead”
“It’s okay mom, he’s a friend. Let’s get you back to bed okay?” Turning to Steve and Sam telling them she’d be back in a few, they both nod.
Waiting patiently in the kitchen Steve can hear Hope calm Y/n down, his heart breaking when Y/n asks for Jamie. When Hope comes downstairs she offers the two a drink, both declines politely.
“Mom keeps forgetting things, she’s been like this for a while now.”
“The thing on her necklace, what is it?” Though he knew he just couldn’t see it lasting this long or that she even kept it.
“My dad proposed to her with it, it’s a nut. She’s kept it on her chain ever since-well, she’s wore it since he gave it her”
“Did she ever marry? Have other kids?”
“Yes, he died in 1970 and no I’m her only child”
“I’m sor-“
“Don’t apologise, bastard deserved it”
After an hour or so the men take their leave, the blonde asking if he was able to come back and see Y/n again, Hope said yes.
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The year was now 2016, Y/n’s health declining as she was nearing one hundred. The doctors told Hope that it would be better to keep her in hospital for the rest of her time on earth, Hope told them that, that wasn’t going to happen. Y/n had told Hope that when she was going to die that she wanted to go when she was at home. No matter what.
Steve had showed up one day to talk to Hope, to tell her that her father was alive after all this time. Hope begged him not to tell Y/n. Y/n struggled to understand and come to terms with the fact that Steve was alive, she had grown so confused that she started to tug on her necklace. Hope didn’t want to imagine how her mom would react to the news that the love of her life was alive, not when she spent so long mourning him.
At first Steve was confused but understood at the same time. He told Hope that he and Bucky fought and the only way he could get him to snap out of whatever Hydra had done to him was by saying Y/ns name, Hope smiled at that. Hope asked Steve if he had told James all about her and how her mom was still alive, Steve said no but with her permission he would. And he did.
After seventy years of going without a father it was strange when she met Bucky for the first time, a man who didn’t look a day over thirty was her father when she looked like his mother, it was strange.
Bucky cried. Cried for never knowing Y/n was pregnant in the first place. Cried for never being there throughout Hope growing in her mother’s stomach. Cried for never being there for either one of them for nearly seventy years. Hugging his daughter for the first time ever Bucky crumbled.
Hope was very honest about hers and Y/n’s life, told Bucky how Y/n’s husband was a cheating abusive arsehole. Both Bucky and Steve clenched their fists at hearing that. Shocked when Hope told them that apparently a man with a silver arm had killed Frank, and because Bucky had his arm covered and gloves on Hope didn’t realise that it was her father that did it.
Bucky was open and honest about what had happened to him, expecting his daughter to look at him differently so when she threw her arms around him and cried he was shocked.
It took Bucky exactly twenty three minutes and fourteen seconds for him to ask when he could see Y/n. Having to think it over she agreed but on the condition that she was the one that would tell Y/n the truth.
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Telling her mom that the man she had still been in love with after all those years since she had lost him, that he was still alive was the hardest conversation she had to have with her mom. Y/n didn’t believe her, of course she didn’t she’s spent seventy years mourning him. Seventy years wishing she saw him again, hoping and praying that he would still love her the way she still loved him.
Hope told Y/n that she had met him, hugged him, laughed with him but she still didn’t believe her.
A week after telling Y/n that Bucky was still alive her health deteriorated. Hope had to tell Bucky and Steve that Y/n didn’t have long left. Bucky was determined to see his love for the last time.
James stood in front of the house that Y/n had made a home since she left Brooklyn, the two floored farm house stood proudly in front of acres of land, due to his enhanced senses he could smell the lingering smell of animal food and waste. Hope had told him all about the animals Y/n rescued over the years, told him that when she was seven they had three horses, cows and goats, that in recent years Y/n had been rescuing cats and dogs from the streets or abusive homes rehoming them to those she trusted. Bucky smiled at hearing that she had lived the life he wanted for the both of them, smiled at hearing that Y/n’s kindness and love for animals never stopped.
Checking his hair was fine for the umpteenth time in the two hours it took them to get there he turned to face Steve.
“You ready Buck?”
“Y-yeah” Steve knocks on the door and they both wait patiently for Hope to answer. 
“Hi, come on in-oh”
“T-they wanted to come, hope that’s okay” Bucky explained. Behind him and Steve stood the rest of the Avengers.
“We’ve heard all about your mom ever since blondie came out of ice, wanted to meet her” Tony spoke leaning in between the two super soldiers to hold his hand out.
“Oh right, come in.” Leading them all upstairs where Y/n was, Bucky’s nerves sky rocketed the closer he got to the bedroom. “You ready?” Hope asked.
“Yeah. She knows I’m here right?”
“She does, if it helps she’s nervous too”
Nodding his head he watched with a steady breath as his daughter - which he still found weird saying - twisted the door knob and opened the door.
Though older and frail Bucky thought she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. His eyes stayed on her face as he moved closer, with every step he took his heart started to beat slower.
“J-Jamie?”
Wetting his lips and gulping he nodded “hi Flower”
“Took you long enough to come and get me”
“I know my love b-but I’m here now”
“Are we going to see Stevie?”
“Stevie’s right here darling”
“Is my mama going to be there too?”
Frowning he looked back to Hope as she stands at the doorway with everyone behind her. Hope shook her head and mouthed “she thinks you’re taking her to heaven”.  His frown deepened, looking back at Y/n whose eyes didn’t move away from him.
“I’ve missed you Flower”
“I’ve missed you too Jamie. Ha-have you met Hope? She’s your daughter Jamie”
“I have met her, beautiful isn’t she?”
“She is. The best thing I’ve ever done”
“I’m so proud of you, you’ve raised our daughter amazingly”
“Sit down silly” sitting on bed next to her he took his gloves off and held both her hands when she reached for him. Y/n didn’t flinch when his silver hand touched her. “Don’t let Frank hurt Hope okay? Y-you have to promise me Jamie th-that you’ll lo-look after her”
“Doll he’s-I promise that no one will ever hurt her”
“Good. He’s mean. He hurts me Jamie”
“I know doll I know, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you from him”
“Not your fa-wh-who are they Jamie?”
“They’re Stevies friends Flower”
Hope nudged Steve further into the room and nods to the others letting them know it’s okay for them to go in too. Steve says hello and introduces the team to her, each giving her a smile.
For three hours Steve and Y/n talked about growing up together and all the things they use to get up to, everyone laughed and asked Y/n questions about the two super soldiers, she answered them as best as she could sometimes she repeated herself or looked panicked when she saw strangers standing in her room.
Bucky though held her hand with the both of his, his eyes on her the whole time. Tracing over each line with his eyes, his heart clenching when he saw the unmistakable sight of a scar that ran down the side of her face.
His breath got caught in his throat when she took out the metal nut around the necklace. “Y-you kept it?” He asked interrupting when Sam was talking about.
“My Jamie gave it me during the war, he proposed to me” she smiled “you look like him”
“Do I?”
“Yes, but my Jamie was more handsome”
“Was he now?”
“Oh yes-“ a yawn cuts her off. Hope tells everyone that it was best if they left now so she could get some rest, and they do. Each say their goodbyes and waits for Steve and Bucky downstairs.
“We’ll come and see you tomorrow okay?” Steve says after he pulls away from giving her a hug and a kiss to her forehead. Y/n nods and smiles. “I’ll wait for downstairs Buck”
Bucky nods, then looks at Hope who understands without being verbally told that Bucky wanted a few minutes alone, she follows behind Steve.
“I have always loved you, you know? I still love you. I’m sorry that I didn’t come home to you when I promised you over and over that I would, I’m sorry I let you down Flower”
“Y-you didn’t let me down Jamie, never.”
Bucky smiles softly at her, watching as her eyes start to droop. “I’ll let you get some rest my love. I’ll see you tomorrow, I promise”
“O-okay Jamie. S-see you tom-tomorrow” Giving her a kiss to her forehead he stands and moves to the door, taking one last look at his first and only love.
“Thank you for the best years of my life”
He says before shutting the door and heads slowly down the stairs.
After Hope says her goodbyes and gives her dad a hug she busies herself cleaning the kitchen, she smiles happily to herself seeing her parents together something she had always wanted to experience.
She doesn’t know that her mom is in her bed with her hand wrapped around the piece of metal that she had wore and cherished from the moment James gave it her, she doesn’t know her mom is thinking about meeting her Jamie again.
She doesn’t know that her mom takes her last breath with a small smile on her lips.
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A year after loosing the love of his life Bucky had to bury his only daughter, heart attack took her. In 2023 Tony had perfected his father’s Time Machine with the help from Bruce. Steve was going to be returning the stones, they all gathered together in the empty space and watched as Steve vanished.
“4…3…2…1” Bruce counted down for Steve’s arrival.
Once the smoke cleared Bucky had his eyes down as he knew that Steve wasn’t going to be coming back, he knew he was going to go back to live a life with Peggy. His head snapped up when he heard the voice that he always heard in his sleep.
There stood on the platform was Steve, Y/n and a two year old Hope.
“Fl-Flower”
“You died Jamie. You promised me you would be safe but-“
Bucky cuts her off by pressing his lips against hers, holding both of his flowers tightly.
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One month after Steve brought Y/n and Hope to the future, Bucky and Y/n got married. A month after that she finds out that baby Barnes number two would be arriving.
“I love you Flower”
“I love you Jamie”
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Tags: @imcinnamoons | @pigeonmama | @capsbestgirl77
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darkkissx · 1 year ago
Text
The soft kiss of death
🤍🗡️jpm x fem!reader
warnings; suicide, brief mention of mental illness & past suicide attempts.
a/n: I hope you understand some of the things I’m tryna say in this 😭😭💗
now playing;
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The shiny blade glistened, staring back at you from the palm of your hand. James was somewhere around the hotel; participating in his little “hobby” that he enjoyed dearly.
You had tried to kill yourself more than once; before you met him. You had planned on going to the Hotel Cortez, just to slit your wrists in the bathtub. That was long before James had saved you; and uncovered the truth of the eerie hotel. He had managed to convince you to stay for a while, to see if you would enjoy the quiet whispers, the blood reeking halls, and the nightly visits from lost souls. In the end, you had grown to accept the hotels signature side affects, just so you could stay by James’ side.
He gave you love, a warm feeling that blossomed in your stomach every time you saw him, or simply by the faint mention of his name; and a roof over your head to protect you from others who wished you harm. James had declared you under his protection, so none of the wandering spirits could touch you; including the living such as the countess and her boyfriend of the week.
You shook your head, riding it of the thoughts that had invaded you like a parasite. You placed the freshly sharpened blade against your left wrist, the cold metal sending shivers up your spine. In a quick motion, you sliced through the vein; in a sickly easy way, as if your flesh was soft butter.
Blood gushed out, staining your white gown a crimson red. You turned to the other wrist, repeating the motion as your vision became blackened. Tears welled in your eyes as you slid down the wall, quite easily due to the slippery red that assisted you with your gentle fall. You would finally join the man you loved with your whole heart. The man you would love for the rest of eternity; even if he stopped loving you.
Your vision faded into black, as you welcomed the soft kiss of death, that feathered lightly upon your now pale cheek.
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Your eyes fluttered open, and you were dead. Blood that had now dried a bit, pooled around you and clumped together slightly. You were two skin tones paler than before, and your wrists were no longer in pain.
You got up hesitantly, checking the time. It was 30 minutes after your death. You stumbled to the door, opening it and walking down the hall. You spotted Ms. Evers scrubbing a bloodied sheet and mumbling to herself quietly and passive aggressively. “Hey.” You croaked, your voice a bit scratchy.
Ms. Evers turned around quickly, her eyes widened as they laid upon you. “Oh dear.” She clicked her tongue. “What did you do? You’re all bloody.” She shook her head, seemingly not noticing the deep gashes on your wrists, that now dried blood had trailed down.
You put your wrists in front of her, with a slightly proud smile. “I joined James. But I made a mess. Could you help me clean it?” Her eyes widened once more as she scanned your pale figure.
She clicked her tongue once more, disregarding the bloodied sheets behind her. “Where did you do it?” She asked with her brows knitted together.
“In James’ bathroom.” You offered a small embarrassed smile.
She shook her head. “Oh what a mess.” You heard her sigh, before she walked her way into the hotel room you shared with James. You walked into the room as well, throwing away your bloody gown and slipping on a long sleeved shirt, paired with expensive; yet comfortable pants.
An hour later, Ms. Evers left; the bathroom now spotless and not even a drop of blood remained.
The moon now shined down on you brightly, wrapping your now dead body in a cold hug.
I loud voice had teared your gaze away from the bright moon.
“Hello, darling.” James spoke softly; yet his voice was loud.
“Hi James.” You said, a slight smile tugging the corners of your lips upwards.
He raised a brow as he sniffed the air. “Is that… blood? And bleach?” He asked curiously, before his eyes landed upon your face. “Are you quite alright, dearest? You’re very pale.” He commented, walking up to you and placing his hand on your forehead. “You’re freezing cold, dear.”
“Have you truly not figured it out yet, my love?” You asked, your eyes, which no longer had the shine a living person owns, locking with his.
He raised a brow as you lifted up your sleeves, showing the deep gashes, followed with blood that had crusted around it, and down your arm. A small gasp tore itself from James’ parted lips as he stared down at you. He rushed to you, wrapping your cold body in a tight hug. It was enough to bring tears to your cold eyes, as you wrapped your arms around his neck; attempting to be as close to him as possible.
“But why, my dear?” He whispered softly, pulling from the hug to look you in your eyes.
“I’m getting older, not younger. And my love for you is growing. I couldn’t handle knowing one day I could walk out of this hotel, and get killed. And never see you again. This world is a dangerous place, and the only place I truly feel safe is in your arms, my love.” I admitted, placing a soft kiss to the pale skin of his cheek. He picked you up and brought you to bed. He lied next to you, wrapping his arms around your waist; bringing your body closer to his own.
“There’s nowhere I’d rather be, than with you. Simply standing in the same room as you is enough to bring butterflies to my stomach.” You breathed out, placing a soft kiss to his lips.
He smiled, rubbing comforting circles into your side.
“I’ve never met a woman, as ravishing as you are. You make my dead heart pulsate with love. I’ve never felt this way before; not even with the woman I thought I loved. You are the woman that I want to watch the world burn with.” He smiled, tucking hair behind your ear softly.
You lied there for the rest of the night, a comforting silence engulfing the both of you as your limbs tangled with one another passionately.
Who knew that death could save your life.
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nobitchs-world · 7 months ago
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If I was y/n a nigga could never do me wrong without me doing them worse
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r4fe-cam3ron · 15 days ago
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𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY FOURTH; side b — once more to see you - mitski | j. patrick march x r
w; well … if he needs one — james patrick march, mentions of death, this is actually probably really short an; guys </3333 this sucks and i’m so so sorry :((( i tried my best, truly.
mixtape here!
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The lights from the chandelier sparkle almost like glitter, the soft glow of lights that would, more than likely, not be enjoyed — but you found the warm dim hue of the lights beautiful. 
James had the ground from underneath the pretty object polished so well, you could see your reflection if need be. Your lips pull into a tired smile, eyes glancing over at the man whose eyes had yet to stray far from your face. 
“It’s beautiful, James,” Your hand reaches up, your knuckles brushing against his cheek. “Thank you.” 
“I would do anything for you, darling,” His hand grabs yours, pressing his lips against your knuckles, allowing his lips to linger against your skin. You smile as your eyes linger on him, slipping your hand from his lips to cup his cheek softly. 
“I know, March. That’s why I married you, of course — I have yet to ever question your love and loyalty.” 
“And you’ll never have to. As long as we both are alive.” 
The smile that remains on your lips suddenly wavers into something sad, your eyes beginning to water from his words as you nod quickly. You glance away and take a deep breath as best as you could, brows pinching together slightly. 
He stares at you with worry evident in his voice, yet allows you to remain silent. 
“I am…I’m sorry I am not dressed properly.” You breathe out. He smiles softly, shaking his head as his eyes take in the silk nightgown and robe. Your hair had been curled a day ago, yet, he believes he prefers the loose waves that they had flattened too. 
“You look beautiful. It’s as if it is the first time I have laid my eyes on you,” His hand cups your cheek softly, his thumb brushing a tear that had rolled down your cheek. Your eyes close, head tilting closer to his palm. “I would never change a thing.” 
Your lips press into his gentle palm before pulling away and looking at him. “Could we dance together?” 
Without speaking, he leads you towards the floor underneath the glittering lights as he playfully bows. Laughing softly, you curtsy before grabbing the hand he has outstretched. 
He didn’t mind the quietness, you didn’t either. It was just the two of you, in your small world.
Yet, it would soon shatter for James. 
He stops when he feels the pressure from your nails against the back of his neck and how your feet suddenly stumble over themselves. 
Pulling his head away to study you, he finds your eyes fluttering slightly as your brows pinch together. In a panic, he says your name loudly, hearing his voice echoing off the walls. His hand grips your side while the other remains on the back of your head, lowering you towards the ground. 
You're still holding onto him, yet your grip isn’t as tight as it was a moment ago and your head is slightly dropping towards the side. He lifts his hand and pushes the hair from your face that covers it, before cradling your jaw. 
“James?” It’s weak. James feels the tears burn at his eyes when he notices how you’re seemingly struggling for breath. He calls out for help, not knowing if anyone is close enough to hear him scream out. “No…No, shhh,” You shake your head. 
“I-I need to get you some help.” 
“It’s okay,” You smile up at him weakly. Your eyes are barely open and he hates feeling as if he’s already forgetting the color of your eyes. “It’s okay. Just…you can just hold me.” 
James looks fearful. Yet he’s never been a fearful man until now. 
“Please.” 
James lets out a choked sob, nodding as he pulls you closer to his chest. His fingers wrap around your wrist and gently pull your arm around his shoulder before wrapping his own arm around your side once again. 
He rocks with you from side to side, feeling the soft, small puffs of air against his cheek. 
“I love you, James,” You whisper softly into his ear. “‘Til death.” 
Squeezing his eyes tighter and gripping onto your body tighter, he’s hoping that will help teather you to him. To this earth and remain with him. 
He doesn’t want to say it. He doesn’t want to accept it. Yet, you have to know he feels the same way about you — as if he had yet to make it clear. 
“I love you. ‘Til death.” 
Your lips pull into one final small smile, your arm slowly sliding away from his shoulder. Pulling away hesitantly, he stops rocking side to side slowly when he notices you’re finally gone. 
His chin quivers as he drags the tip of his fingers along the contours of your face, engraving it in his mind as if he could ever forget. Face crumbling, his forehead slowly lowers and pressing into your chest as he tries to pull you closer. 
‘Til death. 
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𓍯 ִֶָ tags; @ali-r3n — @marchsfreakshow — @bohnerrific69 — @sstar-ggirl
𓍯 ִֶָ thank you for reading! comments, reblogs, & feedback are welcome & greatly appreciated!
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pretty-little-mind33 · 10 months ago
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James Potter x fem!girlfriend!reader
Summary: When your long-term boyfriend is slipped a love potion—he loses his memory of you.
Genre: Angsty Fluff (happy ending)
Warnings: intense swearing, violence, being drugged/spiking someone's drink, mentions of blood, vomiting, crying, a suggestive joke, James kinda has light trauma
~ again—to the kind anon that had this idea—thank you! ~
JAMES POTTER MASTERLIST
Everyone knew it was you and James. It has always been you and James. Ever since the third term of your second year when he'd stolen you an absurd amount of chocolates and candies from Honeydukes because you had failed an exam and were sobbing in your dorm, you knew he had you hooked around his pinky. Luckily, you had him wrapped around yours just as well.
He was yours as you were his. 
It didn't worry you that you hadn't seen your boyfriend all day because N.E.W.T's were coming up and as much as he pretends not to study or care, you've never met someone more desperate for success.
James had even left you a little note signed "only yours" telling you he'd be in the library today, so you used this time to spent the day with the girls instead. 
However, you didn't expect to see what you did when you walked into the Great Hall that evening.
Remus, Sirius, and Peter look just as dumbfounded as you when James stands from his usual seat, his arms outstretching towards another girl.
Your smile falters and you freeze up, your stomach sinking as his hands find the girl's waist and he spins her around.
"What the fuck?" Marlene mutters from next to you, her arms crossed. 
"Who is that?" Mary asks, unhooking her arm from Lily's as she sympathetically touches your shoulder. You blink, unable to look away from whatever nightmare is happening.
James would never cheat on you—especially in public like this.
Never.
"Amerie something, she's in my Potions class," Marlene whispers but her gaze is hard.
James's grin is wide and the girl—Amerie apparently—holds him closer. She's beaming as her manicured hands finds his cheeks and your entire world shatters when she presses her lips to his. James leans into her kiss, one hand at her waist while the other runs in her dark curls. 
Marlene breaks at the same time as Sirius does and they march up to the couple. You're stunned, your eyes watering as you replay how your beloved boyfriend kissed another girl in front of everyone. Including you. 
James would never cheat on you—right?
Lily takes your hand and guides you towards where everyone had gathered. Marlene is being held back by Mary, but she's furious as she screams at James and Amerie. Sirius stands next to James, his arms crossed as he stares at his best friend.
When his gaze flickers to you all calm crumbles. "James," Sirius says, interrupting Marlene's shrieks, as he sounds unusually serious, "This is wrong. What the bloody hell is wrong with you?"
James has never looked this confused in his life. "What are you talking about, Pads?" he asks innocently, his eyes scanning all his friends and their upset expressions.
They skim over you as if you were nothing to him— as if he hadn't held you close to his heart just yesterday and whispered how much he loved you into your hair. 
Amerie leans into James, her hand on his chest, and even Remus scoffs.
"You can't be serious, James?" Remus says. He stands and puts his hand on your other shoulder as Lily holds your other arm. He stands tall and looks stern, clearly unamused by whatever sick joke he thinks his best friend is playing. 
James's eyes widen but even Peter squeaks, "You have a girlfriend," as if to remind James.
"I know!!" James exclaims and turns to Amerie as he smiles like a love-sick fool. You feel like you're going to vomit all over your uniform. "Aren't I allowed to kiss my lovely girlfriend?" 
 Chaos ensues as Amerie holds James closer, her icy-blue eyes staring into yours with venom and malice as Marlene lunges for the two of them.
Marlene is pulled away by Mary and Lily and Sirius and Remus speak up with confusion as they jumble out accusations and disbelief.
You stand there, frozen, as your boyfriend looks right through you.
"She is your girlfriend, you dimwit!" Lily shouts and points to you. "Not this minger," Marlene adds with a hiss at Amerie, eyes dark. 
James finally looks at you and your breath hitches when you see the look in his eyes. There is no remorse or shame, just a blank expression as he looks you over.
"Who?" he asks as he turns to his friends with a genuine look of confusion on his face. His question brings silence to the group and you feel warm tears brim in your eyes.
Some part of you screams at you that the confusion is real. You know James and you know how he lies. But his voice rings in your ears as pain caves in your chest and you turn, breaking into an embarrassing jog as you run away. 
James would never cheat on you—right?
Lies. 
* * *
A few hours later, when Lily comes into the dorm with news that James is in the Hospital Wing, you don't want to care but you do. Just the mention of James in pain hurts you and Lily doesn't even have to convince you to come see him. 
You walk into the room and your eyes instantly widen. Dumbledore and Amerie stand in one corner. Amerie's eyes are bloodshot and she's pleading with Dumbledore—who looks absolutely furious.
Lily pulls you to the main dilemma and you see James sitting up in a bed, a bowl in his lap as he's encouraged to vomit. He's surrounded by Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Madame Pomfrey. 
Remus sees you and Lily and he walks up to you. 
"Is he okay?" you ask, your voice small and hoarse from your crying.
"Love potion," Remus doesn't waste time as he glances at Amerie in the corner, his jaw clenched, "she slipped it in his drink when we went to lunch. I lost him this afternoon after that but I thought he'd gone to find you. It's strong, well made, but Madame Pomfrey is convinced she can reverse the spell it has on him."
You let out a shaky breath, shoulders relaxing as you take in his words. A love potion? It had all been fake.
You turn to look at Amerie and anger swims through you. She'd drugged your boyfriend and taken him from you. You clench your fist.
If she wasn't with Dumbledore, you'd punch her. 
"But Y/n," Remus interrupts your violent fantasies and Lily takes your hand. Lily clearly knows the news Remus is about to break and it doesn't sound good. "The reason he didn't remember you is that the potions—well he was already in love with you so the potion messed up that chemistry and it was so strong it reversed all those emotions to Amerie. Erased any memory of you completely."
You feel like you can't breathe. 
"Madame Pomfrey doesn't think she can fully reverse his memory loss," Lily whispers and tightens her grip on your hand, "Obviously, he won't be in love with Amerie anymore but—we don't think he'll remember you either." 
You can barely hear her. Your eyes water as your eyes glaze over and you look behind Remus at James. Your James, who is puking his guts out and who doesn't have a clue who you are. He has no more memories of you. No more midnight secrets or scandalous touches. No more sweet confessions or fleeting arguments. Nothing.
And it's all her fault. 
You storm up to Amerie, ignoring the Headmaster's presence, as you see red. You grab her by the shoulder and punch her in the nose.
The sound resounds around the room as she falls back, a broken cry leaving her mouth as she holds her nose. Blood runs down her mouth and chin, her tears mixing with the crimson liquid as nurses rush to her. 
Your voice is unemotional when you snarl, "Stay away from him, you psycho cunt."
* * *
You sit in the common room, bandaging your bruised knuckles, as you let your tears fall freely. Your heart feels broken and crushed into absolutely nothing.
You don't even care about the detention Dumbledore was basically forced to assign you. "Violence, no matter how deserved, is never the answer," he had said and perhaps he had a point because breaking Amerie's nose didn't really make you feel any better.
She'd still taken your heart away from you. 
All you want is to reverse time and prevent James from leaving so early in the morning and slipping through your fingers. You hate yourself for not finding him in the library that afternoon. You should have studied with him—maybe then you could have prevented this. 
You unclench your fist and stare at James's crumbled note from a few hours earlier. 
Early morning for Quidditch then I'll be in the library studying. You can always join me, lovie, or go to Hogsmeade with the girls, I know they miss you. I can't always be selfish and have you all to myself, can I? 
I love you, my darling. 
Only yours,  
J
You choke on another sob and you resist the need to scream. 
"Hi," a familiar voice suddenly whispers from above you and you look up. Color has returned to James's cheeks and he's standing in front of you. He's so familiar and so different.
He doesn't look at you the same and you want to cry harder. He looks down at the note in your hand and holds out his hand when he sees a glimpse of his own chicken scratch. 
You hand it to him without a word, leaning back on the couch as you wipe your tears with your palms. You shut your eyes, feeling the cushions dip as James sits next to you and you can feel the tension in the air. You peek at him as he shakes the note and says, "So, this is real, hm? It's not some messed up nightmare? I- I don't even remember writing this. I remember this morning but—you aren't in the memory," his voice sounds shaky. 
"It's okay," you whisper, unable to say much more or you'll cry. 
James turns to you and shakes his head. "No. It isn't okay. I want to remember you," he whispers and takes your hand.
Your head snaps up, eyes widening at the sudden warmth of his touch. James puts the paper in your palm and closes it, squeezing your hand, "I obviously loved you a lot, and I think you loved me too—"
"Love," you whisper, looking him in the eyes, "I haven't stopped."
James makes a pained grimace and his hand loosens around yours. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could remember. I wish this never happened. I know I don't know you anymore or well, my brain doesn't know you but I still can't stand you being hurt because of this," he sighs, "Sirius told me everything. I have so many pictures of us in my room—my sheets smell like your perfume—I– I wish I could remember," he sounds so lost and your heart breaks.
You can't help yourself. You cup his cheek and lean your forehead onto his like you'd done a thousand times over the last years. James doesn't pull away. Instead he leans into you, as if your touch sparked a distant muscle memory.
"It's okay. It's not your fault. I-" you pause and then say, "I can help you remember, if you want?"
James doesn't hesitate and he nods, his breath unsteady, "I do. I don't understand why but my heart, well it misses you. I want to understand why." 
Your heart flutters at his words and you smile. You pull away and smile at him. His smile is weak and you know him all too well to let that slide. "What's wrong, James?" you ask and when his eyes shift, you can tell he's feeling guilty. 
"I'm sorry you lost your boyfriend. You didn't deserve that."
You sigh, "It's not your fault, okay?" you look him in the eyes and wait until he nods solemnly. "If we're meant to be, we'll figure this out, yeah?"
"Yeah," James whispers in agreement. 
* * * Six Months Later * * *
The snow falls around you as you and your friend return from The Three Broomsticks one Sunday evening. Sirius and Remus walk much faster than you and James as Sirius rambles wildly about this new muggle band Remus helped him discover, and Peter loiters behind you all as he hurries to finish reading his Transfiguration book due Monday morning—he seems quite discouraged considering the snow keeps ruining his pages. 
You are snuggled up against James, his arm wrapped around your shoulder as he adjusts your scarf and presses a kiss to your head. You sigh, continuing your conversation about how very clearly chocolate is the superior ice cream flavor, and James just listens even though he has no clue why you're talking about ice cream in the dead of winter. 
Suddenly, your voice dies down and you tense when you see who's walking towards you. She's with three of her best friends—snotty Ravenclaws with egos larger than their brains—and you feel sick as all those horrible feelings come bubbling up again.
Amerie had been suspended for six months after what she had done to James and while you and your friends insisted she be expelled, your outburst of violence had inevitably lightened her sentence.
Dumbledore didn't want a scandal on his hands and Amerie's parents were well off—surprisingly more so than the Potters. 
James senses your tension and he looks up too, his stomach sinking. Amerie is staring at you both and her friends are whispering. You look between her and James, sensing how uncomfortable he is with her presence and anger boils inside you. 
Six months. Six months of peace and time you had to rebuild your relationship with him. Six months you spent taking him to all your favorite places, reminding him of all those secrets he had already earned, and telling him stories he should remember.
Six months to catch up on six years, all because of her. 
You feel James's gloved hand find yours and he squeezes it, pressing his lips into your hair near your ear and he murmurs, "Ignore her, my love." His voice sounds a little strained and you look at him, the warmth of his hazel eyes calming you. 
You nod and press a kiss to his lips. You can feel Amerie's eyes on you as you pass but you just walk faster. Once she and her friends are behind you, you squeeze James's hand too. "Are you okay?" you whisper. 
James had been very open with you about how much what had happened scared him and still does. There were times he remembered snippets of you from before, but mostly nothing, and that scares him. I never want to lose you again, he had said three months into the six and you knew he meant it. 
When James Potter loved, he loved hard, and it became very obvious his feelings for you had returned even stronger than they had been. 
"Yeah," he whispers, his voice small. 
You pause, turning around and taking his cheeks in your hands, encouraging him to look at you. "Baby, it's okay if it made you feel uncomfortable to see her. It's normal," you say, kissing his forehead and leaning against it. 
James holds you close and kisses the crook of your neck, which causes you to giggle. 
"I love you," he mumbles and you grin.
"I love you," you say and kiss his lips again.
James runs a hand in your hair and sighs, lifting his head and watching Amerie and her friends disappear down the road. "As much as I hate her for what she did, I am sort of grateful," he whispers. 
"Oh?" I ask, caressing his cheek lovingly. 
"Mmhm—it was an absolute pleasure falling in love with you all over again," James says sincerely and your heart flutters at his words. 
You laugh and ruffle his messy hair. "You're such a dork," you chuckle. 
James laughs now too, "It's true!" 
Suddenly, you shriek lightly when you feel cold snow glide down your neck from inside your scarf. You and James spin around at the same time, catching Sirius as he makes another snowball and barks out a laugh, "Ooops."
Sirius smirks and as if on cue, James bends over and pats down his own snowball to throw at Sirius in your defense. 
"Keep your grubby snowballs away from my girl, Pads," James shouts in between his laughter as he runs after his best friend. You hear Sirius mumble something that sounds like, "Ooh, kinky," before James shoves snow into his mouth. 
You just smile, your heart feeling completely full.
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livinginshambles · 1 year ago
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You're unbelievable (derogatory) | James Potter
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Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 5.3k
Summary: You're best friends with James, but since his new relationship with Lily, you find yourself standing on the side more often than not.
Your friendship with James breaks when he has to choose between you or Lily, and it's only after the damage is done that he realizes the consequences of his actions.
Note: Lily's kind of a not cool in this fic. Not proofread, mistakes (grammar and maybe continuity because I rewrote the middle from memory) Time lines are wrong, howarts is endless.
_______________________
“James Potter, you’re unbelievable!” You exclaimed, and if not for the widest grin ever plastered on you face, those words could hold an entirely different meaning. You gave James a tight side hug while you clutched your precious gift to your chest.
“Well, you better believe it darling,” Sirius appeared on your left. “Prongs made us stand in line for that signed copy for eight hours. EIGHT HOURS,” he complained and shook James back and forth by his shirt collar.
“And not to mention, he woke us up at 2 o’clock in the morning for that,” Peter happily reminded him, and Sirius wailed at the memory and dramatically dropped to his knees. You stumbled back and James was quick to hold you steadily.
“Oh, quit it with the theatrics,” Remus mused, and he pulled Sirius up from the floor where he had slouched his entire weight against your legs. “It wasn’t that bad.”
Sirius huffed. “For you maybe. Because you secretly wanted to get your book signed too,” he accused Remus. Remus sheepishly shrugged.
James pressed a kiss to your temple, and you melted inside. “Happy birthday, love,” he whispered with a fond smile, and you bashfully looked away.
“Thanks,” you muttered awkwardly. Godric, you despised the attention that birthdays bring along.
“On that note, I’m heading towards the library,” you excused yourself. “But thank you guys so much for getting that book for me, I love you guys so much,” you said and blew them a kiss as you stepped backwards to the door.
“Hold on,” James frowned. “We’re not celebrating?”
“Uh, no I have to work on our Potions assignment.”
“Oh. Well, let me walk you to the library, yeah?” James offered, but you had an inkling feeling that it wasn’t really a question.
You laughed and pulled a face at him. “I can’t stop you anyways, can I? You’re an absolute menace, Potter.”
“I’m just trying to spend the day together.” James wrapped an arm around you and guided you towards the door. 
“You know, the day on which the world has been blessed with your birth. And just as it was always meant to be, might I add, because look at where this led, such a perfectly beautiful day to celebrate.” He winked.
“Today is a wonderful day,” you hummed in agreement. “But you know I was supposed to be born late April, not March. So not really ‘as it was always meant to be’ at all,” you pointed out.
James rolled his eyes. “Uh, yes it was. Otherwise, we would’ve never met at the hospital and become bestest friends.”
“That’s not even correct gramm-”
“Besides, didn’t see you much today,” James unbotherdly continued.
You shook your head in amusement. “Come along then,” you pretended to relent in a joking manner. James was already pulling you along anyway.
You looked back at the rest of the marauders. “You guys also coming?”
You got an unenthusiastic hum from Peter and nothing from Remus, who was too deep in his book to have heard you. You looked at Sirius.
“Darling, I love you, but that’s six flights of stairs,” Sirius laughed, and he settled in on the sofa.
You gasped in fake horror. “So, is that the limit of your love for me?” You sniffed and pretended to wipe away a tear. “I guess-, I guess that’s it then. We’re just not meant to be,” you sighed.
“I know, darling. And I’m sorry. Just know, it’s not you, it’s me,” Sirius solemnly agreed.
You opened your mouth to continue your devastating-sad-ending-love-story when James, who had felt strangely annoyed at Sirius, impatiently grabbed your hand and pulled you out the door.
You enjoyed the feeling of walking hand in hand with James, even though it was short-lived. He let go of your hand as soon as he realized he was still holding it, and you two walked next to each other in a comfortable silence. Again, short-lived.
“I swear, one of these days, Lily might give me a chance. She smiled at me yesterday after supper, you know.” James happily bragged, eyes in a dreamy haze, no doubt imagining Lily.
You peered up at him and quietly admired his blissed look. It may never be directed towards you but seeing him so happy really made you glad and all warm inside.
Not that you’d ever let him know that.
Instead, you snorted at his words, tiptoed, and slung an arm across his broad shoulders. “In your dreams, maybe,” you sassed at him. James wanted to huff at your reply, but at your struggle to reach his other shoulder, he couldn’t help but laugh wholeheartedly, and he wrapped his arms around your shoulder instead.
“You’ve got to stop growing, James,” you protested and ducked out from under his arm.
“Quite the opposite actually, perhaps you should start,” he mocked you and you reached out to shove him but he put a step back out of the way fluently and then smoothly pulled back his shoulder just in time when you tried to shove him again. “So predictable,” he tsked. You opted to stick out your tongue instead.
“So,” James started. You hummed in reply. “Mum’s asking if you’re spending Easter with us again,” he casually mentioned.
“Oh really, Euphemia is asking me huh,” you teased him.
James looked away embarrassedly.
“Hm, not sure,” you shrugged nonchalantly. “Think I’m gonna be sort of preoccupied with my cousins from Ireland,” you looked at him through the corner of your eyes and caught his disappointed expression. A grin grew on your face like that of a Cheshire cat and you nudged him again.
“Oh, come on James, I’m kidding, you know. I’ve literally never not spent Easter with you. Besides, I live right across the street, James. I can literally come over any time, even if my cousins visit.”
“Yeah, but I meant like stay over at my house for the whole holiday,” James pouted. You glanced at him and smiled fondly. “Well, again; I live right across the street. So I guess I can also just go and visit my cousins at my house any time.”
You finally reached the bottom of the staircases and stopped mid-step. “Bloody hell, I forgot my books.”
You shot James a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I just have to go back up real quick, but it won’t be long at all-.”
“I’m right behind you, love.”
“You can’t be serious,” you gaped at him.
James was beaming. Sirius and Remus’ jaws were slacked on the floor and Peter frowned as if he was trying to comprehend James’ statement.
“She agreed to a date!?” Sirius shrieked out. “But-,” Sirius stammered and he let his eyes fall onto you for a split second. It was very quiet for a moment while all of you processed this news.
“Well, I’ll be damned, Prongs,” you grinned up at him. “Not such a far-fetched idea after all.” You smiled encouragingly at him and he shot you a grateful look.
“Congrats,” you nudged him, and that seemed to break the rest of the marauders out of it, all congratulating and offering date ideas.
You zoned out for a moment. A bitter-sweet taste in your mouth. You we’re thrilled for James. You knew how much she meant to him. But that little piece of hope that you had unconsciously clung onto, made the news tough to take.
Regardless, you were just happy to have James in your life. He was your best friend, and you would support him, no matter what. Because you knew he’d do the same for you.
“When’s the date?” you curiously asked.
James scratched his head. “Uh, next week, Friday night.”
“Wait, Friday when you were going to take me to see the blue crescent moon?” you deadpanned.
“I’ll take you to the next one, I promise,” James solemnly swore and he put his hand on his heart.
You huffed in disappointment but quickly turned around to face Remus with a sweet smile. “Remus, my best friend,” you started, and instantly got pulled back by James who wore a pout on his face.
“Wait, it was supposed to be a you and me thing,” he whined while he tugged you back into his side. You stuck your tongue out and ruffled his hair.
“You’re busy, and the next blue moon is going to be a full moon, so we’ll be with Remus,” you pointed out. “And after that, it’ll be another two years until the next.” Then you skipped back over to Remus.
James hummed in thought. He knew you were right. “Fine,” he reluctantly said. “But I’m taking you to watch the passing comet next month,” he bargained.
You stuck out your hand with a laugh. “Deal,” you grinned.
“It’s a promise,” James confirmed.
It became clear to you that you might have overestimated your own importance to James after he and Lily officially started dating.
Your eyes were searching for James, and you decided to confront him when you spotted him.
“James!” You ran to catch up to him. You smiled at Lily with a small wave. “Lily,” you acknowledged her. “Can I borrow him for a moment?” You asked her. She shrugged and waved her hand in a discarding manner, “of course.”
“Hey uh, you didn’t show up yesterday, just checking in?” you asked James in concern when Lily was out of reach.
James mind blanked for a moment. He was racking his brain about ‘yesterday’ and his eyes grew wide when realization hit him. “Bloody hell, I completely forgot!” He exclaimed.
“Yeah,” you laughed, relieved that he was alright and had just forgotten about it.
“Well you didn’t show up in the astronomy tower so I tried looking for you, but I couldn’t find you. I asked Sirius for the map, but can you believe it? He said he’d lost it.”
You chuckled when you recalled his apologetic expression and completely missed the way James shut his eyes and pinched his nose in guilt.
“I’m so sorry,” James said. He pulled you into a hug.
“Eh, don’t worry about it, Sirius joined me to watch the comet pass by. Wasn’t that impressive, but it did look like a falling star so I guess I made a wish, and-”
“Can have him back now?” Lily’s voice came from behind him, and he quickly released you. “Yeah, of course,” you rushed to say, but she had already grabbed him by the arm and led him away.
James looked back at you and mouthed a ‘sorry’ at you. You shook your head dismissively and raised your thumbs up.
It was only during the next missed hangout, two weeks later, that you found out he forgot because he’d been with Lily instead.
Peter had seen you off to find James, and had watched you return three hours later, a sad look on your face.
“Not again,” he’d groaned and slipped up. You couldn’t be angry at James because you realized that he was just putting effort into his new relationship. Peter had hugged you and you two had spent the evening sneaking into the art room to paint each other.
Peter was surprisingly a splendid artist and you had put the painting that he painted of yourself against the wall on the floor next to your bed, and gave Peter the one you painted of him.
“Damn, Peter,” James nodded at the canvas. “You painted that?”
“Huh? Oh,” Peter was getting dressed and pulled his sweater over his head. He looked from the painting to James. “Uh, Y/N did,” he beamed. “It looks good right?”
“You guys painted..?”
“Yeah, cause you didn’t show up again yesterday,” Peter casually mentioned. “You know, she was-“ He didn’t get to finish his sentence, because James had already sprinted out of the room to find you to apologize.
But as usual, James thought it had to be a grand gesture.
Flowers! Lily liked flowers. Girls like flowers, perfect. The idea popped up in his head, and he went to work to cover your entire dorm and bed with flowers.
It seemed like a perfect idea.
Until it evidently wasn’t. 
“Shit, I’m so sorry, it slipped my mind,” James apologized for the thousandth time as he sat by at the side of the hospital bed with the rest of the marauders. They shared a look with each other.
“Well, I bet you’ll never forget about my severe flower allergy ever again now,” you joked in attempt to console him. Your face was swollen and your eyes were bloodshot.
You smiled at James and tried to push back the hurt you felt at the fact that he forgot about something as important as that.
“I’ll make it up to you,” James quickly promised with a grimace.
“Do you get that same sense of déjà vu or is it just me,” Sirius remarked from the other side of the bed.
“No, I get it too,” Peter agreed almost too quickly.
James frowned at his friends for the little jab. They knew he didn’t do it on purpose right? He looked at Remus for support.
“Better be one hell of an idea,” was all he said.
“Oh come on,” you attempted to kick Sirius weakly with your leg but failed because your legs were still half paralyzed.
“Stop giving him such a hard time,” you started. James shot you a relieved look.
“He’s already feeling shit for almost killing me,” you grinned and James groaned and dropped his head on the side of your bed. You moved your arm with some effort and let your fingers stroke through his hair.
“I’ll be the best best-friend there is, starting from right now. I’ve got so many ideas for Easter holiday and it includes your favorite chocolate,” he promised in a muffled voice.
 
Whatever you imagined his ideas for activities during the Easter holiday included, it wasn’t with Lily in the picture. Yet here you were, sitting across of her at the dinner table.
They were both deeply engrossed in each other and you and Fleamont shared a look.
“How’s your year been, sweetheart?” Fleamont asked and he looked at you over his glasses. You smiled at him, relieved.
“It was great so far, I mean, despite being bedridden for two weeks, but the guys have been great,” you jumped to talk about your adventures.
“I went to watch the blue crescent moon with Remus, and the comet with Sirius. And I’ve painted with Peter! I’ve got to say, he’s painted me in a flattering light,” you rambled on passionately.
“Oh, and we’ve started a study group thing together, it’s basically just Remus and I trying to help Sirius and Peter though,” you lightheartedly joked.
“We’ve played some harmless pranks too, like turning every toad into a cat and every cat into a toad, it was utter chaos!” You shared and at his disapproving look and focus on James, you quickly intervened. “Don’t worry, James didn’t do anything, he’s been good,” you joked.
You missed Fleamont’s raised eyebrows.
“I’ve been swimming in the lake with the boys and pranked Remus and Peter with Sirius and pretended to be merpeople, you should’ve heard their screams!”
Your eyes were gleaming at this point as you relived your happiest moments so far. “Well, until Remus cast a spell on Sirius that turned him into a slug of course.”
“So when the four of us went to Hogsmeade…” You continued to ramble on and failed to notice how James’ eyes subconsciously trailed over to you every now and then, listening in on the conversation and realizing his name never fell once.
Lily noticed his divided attention and was unsurprisingly and rather justifiably annoyed at James.
She voiced out her concerns to James that very night during which you had excused yourself and gone home across the street.
You didn’t want to third wheel and Godric forbid should you share a room with Lily.  She hated your guts as it was and you didn’t feel like being smothered in your sleep.
When you had offered to go back home, you had sort of hoped he would say something along the lines of “No, please stay” and instead were met with a “Yeah, that’s probably for the best”.
And now, all he could wish for was chilling on his bed with you next to him while he was being chastised by Lily. His eyes glanced up and he stared at the enchanted bedroom ceiling full of stars, Lily’s voice long gone from his mind.
“Are you even listening to me?” She waved her hand in front of his face and he fought the urge to pull an annoyed face at her.
At his lack of response though, she repeated herself. “I’m your girlfriend. I thought you wanted this?”
James let her words sink in for a moment. She was all he ever wanted. And it was so so different from what he’d imagined it would be like.
Of course, he wasn’t planning on breaking up or anything, he didn’t want to be that douchebag that was only in it for the chase after all. And he hoped somehow that those feelings would return sometime.
She was everything he wanted. He just wished she’d be more interested in his friends, less disapproving of his pranks, or more proud of his achievements at Quidditch.
He would appreciate it if she were just a little bit more patient with him, and shared a little bit of his humour.
He just wanted her to be more open and enthusiastic about their relationship and himself.
He wanted her to be a little more like you-
He reeled back from that revelation. Oh.
Oh no. That would ruin his friendship.
“-and you know what, you can’t have both, James,” Lily continued and he snapped out of his thoughts.
“I can’t be your girlfriend if she’s in the picture. So choose. It’s me or her.”
James stared at her in surprise and then walked out of his room without another word to her.
He looked out the window at the real starry night sky. It seemed to him that he’d lose you regardless. But maybe, he’d be happy with Lily. She was all that matters, he convinced himself.
“Don’t you see how wrong it is that she’s making you choose,” you asked him incredulously, but your eyes looked at him pleadingly. James forced himself to look back at you and shook his head.
“No, she’s-, she’s right,” he mumbled, and you staggered back at that. “I mean, you’re a girl, you know?” You raised your eyebrows in an unimpressed manner. “Astute observation.” You dryly remarked.
“And everyone assumes things about us, so please, you have to understand that this isn’t fun for Lily either,” James tried. “I just can’t be friends with you and be in a relationship with Lily at the same time.”
You opened your mouth to protest, but he cut you off.
“I can’t,” he urged. “And between you or her, I choose her. She’s my girlfriend,” he reasoned.
“And I’m your best friend since we were born,” you stubbornly retorted.
James looked at you beggingly, hoping that you’ll understand his predicament and that you’d make it easy on him. At the squint of your eyes and the deepening frown on your face, he gulped. “Please. I’m really sorry, but I have to choose her,” he finished weakly, doubling down on his decision.
Realizing that he wasn’t joking, it felt like he might as well have punched you in the gut. Your stubborn look flickered to hurt and then morphed into an ice-cold front of indifference.
You took a deep breath and collected yourself. You stared at him up and down, not recognizing your best friend in him anymore.
“You’re unbelievable,” you shook your head at him, and your voice was devoid of any emotion. With no other words to address the situation, you pushed past him roughly.
Months passed by and the summer vacation started. Then it ended and Hogwarts began again. All without a word from James. He had stopped spending much time with the marauders, mostly busy with walking after Lily.
Sometimes he would glance at you when she wasn’t watching, and he’d feel so lonely.
He waited for you during the vacation, but you never went to yourr house across his. Instead you spent your time with your cousins in Ireland.
When he made his way towards the platform on September 1st,  he felt weird. First of all, he was slightly reluctant to go. He realized that he had thoroughly enjoyed his holiday without Lily.
But secondly, and perhaps most importantly; This was the first time ever that he went to the Hogwarts Express by himself, without you by his side, and an epiphany cleared his mind. Everything was so wrong.
 
You eyed him up and down. With lack of better words, he looked terrible. So terrible, that you might’ve pitied him any other time, because how could you ever be angry at James, when he looked so sad.
When his eyes are glassy and red. When his hair is disheveled as a result of an undoubtedly rough night. When his voice cracked at his sloppy apology. Or when his lips trembled almost unnoticeably when you said no.
But all of that wouldn’t magically clear away your own misery of the past months.
“I was supposed to be your best friend,” you enunciated slowly. “It’s always been you and me. Merlin, we’ve known each other since we were born and they ran out of baby cribs at St. Mungo’s, so they put us together in one!” you exclaimed.
You bitterly scoffed to yourself at the reminder of your literal lifelong friendship.
“But you cut me off for a relationship with Lily? Lily who rejected you for years and when she finally did agree to date you, never even gave you the time of the day?”
You stared at him incredulously and had to remind yourself to tone down your voice a little. You had unconsciously been raising it and didn’t want to attract unwanted attention.
“You followed her around like a lost puppy and cast me aside because she didn’t trust you for being friends with a girl and you were so easy to discard me,” you laughed humorlessly, trying to mask your hurt feelings. “I guess I must’ve really not meant all that much to you.”
To James’ credit, he at least had the decency of looking remorseful. His own words were replaying on a loop in his head. Of course he regretted it all.
“You can’t come back after that and expect me to just open my arms for you,” you firmly stated.
James looked at you helplessly, and you let out another laugh in disbelief. “Oh, Godric, you did,” you stared at him with wide eyes in surprise.
James could feel himself getting flustered and spoke up again. “I just thought that maybe-,”
“No, no, no. Like I said, I’m not doing this again.”
“Please, lov-, Y/N please, if you would just let me prove to you that you do mean so much to me,” His voice was getting increasingly more desperate. “I just want-, I need you to give me a second chanc-”
“A second chance? James, you are way past that. You’ve already had a second chance,” you bitterly told him. “Merlin, I’ve given you a second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth chance. I would’ve given you a thousand chances, but even that, you threw away.”
You tiredly rubbed your face. “I have nothing left to give you.”
Your words hit him in the face and his chest tightened.
“Oh… No, I-, I definitely understand.” His voice came out quietly.
James wanted to hide away. He felt utterly pathetic and ashamed at his own actions.
“I’ll uh, I’ll leave you alone, then.” He turned around but stopped mid step.
“But Y/N? If you ever change your mind, or if you ever need me, I’ll be there for you this time. Always right behind you.” James let his eyes linger on your face for a moment, taking you in. Merlin, he really missed you.
Your mind struggled to find the words to properly articulate all that you’ve felt these past months.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. For not trying to fight for you more,” you sympathetically offered.
“Oh, what? No, that’s-, it really was all my own fault. I chose her over you, and it was stupid. I was stupid, not you.”
“I don’t know. I feel like I should’ve tried harder to find a solution. I regret it too, you know, that we lost us.”
James frowned at your words.
“You-, I don’t even-,” you sighed. “I thought we would be in it for life, you know,” you eventually confessed, and James eyes widened. He wasn’t sure if he understood that completely, but his heart had made a small jump at your confession. Surely you didn’t actually mean…?
“Maybe not side by side as lovers or anything,” you quickly tried to cover yourself, but instead confirmed James’ thoughts. “But I was so sure we’d be partners nonetheless.” James watched you smile fondly, but sadly at the thought.
“I tried so hard not to be jealous of the fact that I was no longer the first person you’d go to for everything.” You chewed on your lower lip and James forced himself to pry his eyes away from it.
“You could be again,” James whispered to himself. But it was loud enough for you to hear it. You chose to ignore it and the way your heart tugged.
“But it was never an issue of jealousy when you actively forgot me on so many different occasions and then just kicked me out for her.”
“I'm sorry, I don’t know why I… how I even…”
“Look, I have to go,” you settled on, and nodded awkwardly at him. “But thanks for apologizing,” you added before you left.
You’d gone about your life according to the same routine of the past few months and paid James little to no mind. Though he was spending all of his time with the marauders again, you somehow found a way of disappearing right when he would arrive.
Days passed and James watched you laugh at the punchline of the joke that a ghost had told you. So close and yet so far.
James knew that you told him no when he had asked if things could go back to the way they were, but he couldn’t give up on you. It was as if something was physically stopping him from doing so.
He wanted you to see him again, but would never cross your boundaries, which left him in a difficult position.
The first opportunity presented itself when he overheard some guy talk shit about you. Except he only saw red instead of an opportunity. Because how dare they.
“She’ll give in someday. I’ll show her how to have a good time. Godric knows she’s too prudish, wouldn’t even let me-“
James surged forward before he could even think and grabbed the guy by the collar, his wand was pointed at the boy’s throat in a matter of seconds, a piercing glare on his face as he gritted through his teeth.
“Don’t.” It was a warning and the boy heeded it and scrambled away when James released him.
“What are you looking at,” he called out to the students that had stopped to watch what was happening. They too, quickly scrambled away, pretending they hadn’t seen a thing.
But by supper, everyone had heard about it, including you. You looked at him from further down the table and nodded at him with a appreciated smile.
James heart skipped a beat and he dreamed of you that night.
So what else could he do for you that would make you happy, he wondered while he wandered around the castle. The marauders were hanging out with you right now, leaving James to his own devices.
“Books!” He yelled out loud and it startled a cat. “Signed books had been successful, right? But what books, and how to…” He muttered to himself.
You stared at the pile of books that started to form next to you while owls flew in and back out again, only to return with more books. When you opened the one on the pile to your left, you saw that it was signed by one of your favorite authors.
Your eyes grew wide and you quickly inspected the signature from up close. Your hands stroked the beautiful hard back cover of the book. First copy.
People all over the great hall were looking at the spectacle  but you just laughed and blew a kiss at the last owl.
You glanced at James because you knew it was him who orchestrated all of this. Only he would know all your favorite authors and books.
James simply offered you a smile and continued eating his food, but he was absolutely beaming inside at the gleeful look on your face.
You visited him in his dorms that night. “James,” you whispered. You held your finger to your lips as a sign not to wake the others.
“James, thank you for the books, they’re amazing,” you told him. “But James, you’ve got to stop. Don’t fight on my behalf. Don’t spend so much money on me. Please “ you begged him.
James’ smile fell. “I made you uncomfortable,“ he noted. You sighed and sat down on his bed. “I used to give you gifts all the time,” he weakly defended himself.
“I don’t want to forgive you,” you started. James looked down.
“You hurt me. Do you get that? You hurt me and broke our friendship and I don’t know when I’ll want to be friends again, but it’ll never the same when I do. So you have to stop doing all of this. You can’t try to buy it with gifts and heroic deeds.”
“I don’t want it to be the same either,” James sighed out in a defeated tone. “I just need you with me. One way or another. I’m not trying to buy anything, I just want to make you happy.”
You understood his words and the implied confession behind them. After all, you had felt the exact same way months ago.
You sadly smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. James closed his eyes at the contact and tried to savor the moment. You really were his greatest regret.
“I don’t want to forgive you,” you stubbornly repeated.
“You don’t have to. I just want to be there.”
“Right behind me, right? No matter what pace?”
“Of course,” he replied.
It took time. Months and months actually, where he respected your boundaries and slowly inserted himself back into your life, with your permission of course.
At first simply joining you with the marauders again. Then thoughtful actions such as giving you his spare quill. Later on even sitting next to you during Transfiguration and building up to study nights and eventually back to star gazing.
However slow it was, everything was worth it, James thought to himself as he opened the door to invite you in for the Easter holiday.
“Hi, thank you for coming over,” he widely smiled.
“Ah you know, I live right across the street, love.”
 
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munsster · 7 months ago
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road trip (trope bingo)
A/N: thought i might try this format out. also introducing a new face to my tumblr repertoire. i’ve written marvel before, just never on this site. enjoy!! (gif creds: @bubbarnes)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader
Summary: You think Bucky is shallow for rejecting a pretty stranger in North Dakota. Little do you know. 1.6k words
Warnings: fluff, dummies not talking about their feelings, pet names (doll), slight angst but resolved, perhaps mutual pinging, a really good hug, playful bullying, cursing
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"Ooh, she's cute."
You've been doing this for over an hour. He's downed at least four coffees by now. And the worst part is you call it finding a suitable mate. But he's just not interested in the women you're scouting for him at a rest stop a few miles out from Fargo, North Dakota. He would've just left, gone and sat in the truck, but he'd feel bad leaving you rambling to yourself when you're the one paying for this meal.
"Come on, Buck, you're no fun," you huff, dropping your spoon into the thick mug now emptied of hot cocoa.
"You're right. Can we go now?" He starts to slide out of his seat when you scoff. He goes still like a deer in headlights. This should be fun.
"James Buchanan, you're telling me none of the lovely ladies in this diner tickle your fancy? Not even third barstool? She's tall, Buck, like... model tall," you suggest with your brows raised.
"I'm not... we're in North Dakota, you think that's what I'm lookin' for?"
"Just one date! You wouldn't take her on one, single date? The little bar across the street seems sensible, why not?"
"Um—"
"Tell meee," you whine, leaning over the sticky, vinyl tablecloth with a pout.
He shrugs. "Not my type."
"Bullshit. She's everybody's type. She's my type, Bucky. Are you blind or just plain stupid?"
"I'm not interested."
You pull a face like you're offended on her behalf. Bucky rolls his eyes and wishes you'd drop it.
"Oh, I get it," you say. Leaned back, arms stretched across the length of the seat, you huff and glare at him. "You think you're too good for her, huh? Just 'cause she's a North Dakota ten, and you're a Brooklyn eight, you think that makes you better, don't you?"
"What? An eight?" he mumbles, shaking his head.
"Ugh, you men gross me out sometimes. Massive egos, teensy little brains," you say, slapping a twenty on the table and standing with a vicious squint. "Well, let me learn you something, James"—you loom over him and poke your pointer finger at his chest—"you're shallow, and you're no better than her. You prob'ly couldn't take her out if you wanted to. Goodnight."
You huff and walk away, but he chuckles and calls after you: "It's noon, doll." Flipping him off, you march out into the parking lot. He considers the woman for a moment. You called him a Brooklyn eight. She's pretty, he'll admit, but he wasn't lying when he said he wasn't interested. Bucky's seen the far stretches of the Earth, which means he's seen women of all forms. Accountants and soldiers from all over, all professions, all languages. All beautiful. But nothing intrigues him quite as much as you do.
...
"Did you ask her out, or are you choosing to remain a coward?" You've got your boots propped on the dashboard, the truck bumbling eighty down the highway. An emery board swipes back and forth at your middle fingernail as you snap your bubblegum.
"Come on, doll, play nice. We're leavin' anyway, didn't want to hurt her feelings," he grumbles.
"Tough. Doesn't make you any less of a pussy, Barnes."
You flick the nail file at his cheek and drop your feet heavily on the hot car mat. You called him a Brooklyn eight. You cringe at the remembrance while Bucky revels in it. He even grinned stupid all the way back to the parking lot. To himself, but still. He hates how deep under his skin you are. He hates how he likes the itch.
His tongue twists with all the things he could have said. He should have said. But he grips the steering wheel tight and drives till you cross the border into Minnesota.
"Wanna go anywhere before Wisconsin? They've got... lakes here," he shyly suggests, voice soft, hoping you'll just ignore him and turn up the radio. He doesn't think you'll ever ignore him, even if he did prefer it.
"Only if I could push you into one of them."
"Listen, kid—"
"Kid? That's great, Bucky. It's getting dark, why don't we just find a motel." You cross your arms. The cold is getting to you. Even in a down jacket and two pairs of pants. It gets like that up north.
He does what you tell him because the last thing he needs is for you to hold another grudge against him. This one's quaint, so he gets the last double available, chuckling nervously when the older woman at the front desk mistakes you for a married couple.
"Sure you don't want a single, honey? Not gettin' any kids outta separate beds—"
"Nope—thanks, miss—that's—double is fine, double's perfect, thanks," he huffs. You chuckle.
She gives a rolling, belly laugh, head tossed back as she croaks, "Won't file any noise complaints against youse! Have a fun night."
"Geez, she was great," you sigh, still smiling from the ridiculous interaction. You flop face down onto the bed closest to the window, rattling the ice from the crevices in your boots. It crunches to the floor and you wriggle out of your coat as Bucky locks himself into the pale yellow bathroom.
He starts mumbling from the other side of the door, so you sit up and toe your boots onto the floor with a thud. Digging your fingertips into the edge of the hastily tucked sheets, you stare at a wine stain in the middle of the beige carpet. At least it smells nice in here. Even if half the lights are out, and cable doesn't come through clear enough to watch.
You find yourself, cheek pressed to the door, eyes wide as you listen through the flimsy wood.
"I don't think so, Steve. No, listen, it's like... beyond repair. She wouldn't take an apology even if I knew what i was sorry for—no—she's way too good for me, I can't do that to her."
Still moping over women found in North Dakota's lowest rated diners? That's highly unlike him. But even Bucky's a wildcard six-thousand miles into a roadtrip. You press closer, chewing your lip and closing your eyes.
"No, no, everything—this stuff's easier for you, pal, you don't get it, 'kay? I'm just saying... I mean, even a stranger thought we were married"—What—"has to mean something, right? Even strangers are realizing... there's something... there. I just don't want to accidentally—no, I know, not like that, I mean...well, I like her a lot and I don't want it to scare her—"
You back up slightly, hands held in front of you like surrender. Not out of fear, but realization. That's why he didn't ask her out. Or even fish for her number. Because—
You hit the floor with a thump.
"Steve. I gotta go."
The door whips open and floods the room with warm light. You scramble to your feet.
"Were you... I was just talking to... Did you hear any of that?"
You shake your head. He shoves his hands into the shallow pockets of his jeans.
"Okay," he says with a nod, "good." He blows hot air out of his mouth and runs a swift hand through his hair. But he doesn't meet your eyes. Like a little kid so terrified of fibbing that he'd rather swim deeper into the abyss than float to the surface. Can't catch his damn breath around here.
"So..."
"Goodnight, Bucky!" you chirp, turning on your heel with a whoosh of air. And he stops you in your tracks, hand on your bicep. You don't turn back around, stuck staring at the foot of your bed.
"Doll," he whispers, roped up by fear and a pinch of self-pity. Attending his own funeral with a sick smile on his face. "Just how much did you hear."
You spin on the balls of your feet, going hot in the face, fueled by the electricity at his fingertips. "A lot."
"Oh."
You nod and try your best non-psychotic smile. "Sorry."
"No, no... don't be," he says, trying his own. So you're just a couple of smirking idiots at a stalemate in a stale motel room. A couple of idiots with feelings for each other. Unresolved feelings. Unspoken, too.
"I actually—could I?" You point behind him into the cramped bathroom, and he lets go of you like it's his last move before you put him in check. Before he has to hand you the game. Though, he'd do that in a heartbeat. Every game of his is yours. "Thanks."
"No problem." He shuts his eyes when you close the door with a calculated tenderness. Like you don't want to frazzle his poor heart.
But then why would you open the door again? Why would you wrap your arms around his waist and nuzzle into his back? Why would you make it all so much worse and spread your fingers over his abdomen, taking a deep breath when he runs his hand down your forearm and turns to face you. Then you melt with his strong arms holding you thisclose.
"Like you a lot, too, Barnes. You're just a big dunce a lot of the time. But that's like... half the draw or whatever," you mumble into his shoulder. And you've never been this close, and he thinks he could pass out. Become a chalk outline in a dusty motel in Minnesota. But if it happened like this, he'd be okay with that statistic.
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fairytaleendingss · 2 months ago
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Room for One More?
Chapter 6
Summary: You aren't sure what gift to get for your Secret Santa.
CW: Swearing.
Pairing: Poly!Marauders x fem!reader
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5
Here's a bit of a long one for you guys! Enjoy!
--
"Fuck!"
You were laying in bed, nestled under your softest duvet, looking in horror at your laptop screen.
It was just after 7am and you weren't sure how many of the boys would be up at this time, especially on a weekend. You knew Sirius had a gig the previous night and he liked a sleep in, but this was kind of an emergency.
Since living with the boys and becoming friends with Mary, you were slowly being integrated into their friend group. You didn't mind of course. In fact, you liked having people to hang out with since moving to the city. Everyone was so lovely and inclusive and you really liked being part of a group. However, that meant that not only were the four of you hosting their annual Christmas party, but you were roped into participating in their Secret Santa as well.
Upon waking up that morning, you'd received a message from Mary, letting you know that the Secret Santa assignments had been sent out the night prior. You'd checked your emails, only to realize you were severely fucked.
The name of your draw was none other than Dorcas.
Now, it wasn't her in particular you had a problem with. In fact, quite the contrary. You liked Dorcas. She was cool and funny and had amazing style.
Your problem resided in the fact that you'd only met her maybe four times over the month you'd been living with the boys and she wasn't a particularly open person. You had no clue what kind of gift she would like.
"No. You know what? This is fine," you told yourself, throwing your blanket off and marching out of your room.
You weren't surprised to see that the living room was empty. You did notice that James' running shoes were not in the stand by the door, which meant he was probably out for a morning jog (in the freezing cold like a crazy person).
With a huff you wandered down the hall. You bypassed Remus' room, during which you were sure you could hear the clicking of a keyboard. You came to a halt in front of Sirius' door, preparing yourself for an onslaught as you hesitantly reached out to knock.
"What?" a sleep-garbled voice muttered lowly from beyond the door.
Gently you pushed it open, a sheepish smile painting your lips as you peered into the room.
Sirius was laying on his stomach in bed, blanket splayed lazily over his hip bone and an arm squashed beneath his pillow. He was shirtless and you couldn't help but let your eyes trace the contours of his bare back. His face was pressed against the pillow, eyes closed, lashes fluttering against his cheeks and long, dark hair splayed across his face.
Even in the early hours of the morning, still riddled with the remnants of sleep, he looked like a work of art.
"Hey!" you muttered softly, feeling slightly guilty now for disturbing him.
He sighed thickly, rolling over to squint at your through half lidded eyes. "Is everything okay?"
His voice was deep and croaky like it always was after he woke up but it never failed to send a shiver down your spine.
"I need your help with something."
He frowned slightly, blinking as if still trying to regain awareness. "Sure. Come in."
He patted the bed beside him and your eyes widened. You approached cautiously and sat down tentatively on the edge. You looked around the room. It was encased in darkness with the blinds half drawn shut. You hadn't been in her all that often. Come to think of it, you'd never really made it past the doorway before.
The bedsheets were dark grey to match with the black furniture that was placed around. There was a guitar on a stand in the corner and the walls were adorned with band posters and what were clearly centerfolds torn from various bikini magazines.
You cleared your throat as you perched yourself awkwardly, not wanting to encroach on his space.
He chuckled softly. "Come on, doll. I don't bite."
"Somehow, I find that hard to believe," you teased softly as you moved to position yourself back against the pillow beside him.
He let out a throaty laugh and rolled over to face you, leaning up on an elbow.
"So, what was so important that you had to wake me up at the crack of dawn for?"
"Yeah, sorry about that," you chuckled nervously. Sirius always seemed to have that effect on you. "I, um, don't suppose you've had a chance to look at your Secret Santa draw yet?"
He raised a brow. "No I can't say that I have."
"Well, I looked at mine this morning and I need your help picking out a present. I got-"
"Hey! No!" he cut you off. "You're not supposed to tell me! That's the rules."
You gave him a pleading look. "I know but I really don't know this person that well and I thought you could help me pick a gift for them."
"No! Nope!" He shook his head firmly. "If I know who you got, and I know who I got, it won't be hard to figure out the rest and I definitely don't want to know who got me!"
"Come on Sirius! Please??" You pleaded with him.
"No. Sorry, I can't help you."
"Please! it was just-"
"Lalalalalalala."
You raised a brow as he put his fingers in his ears, interrupting you the way a child would.
"Wow, Sirius. Very mature," you deadpanned.
"Sorry! Can't hear you," he shrugged.
You rolled your eyes, getting up of the bed.
"Ugh, you're no help," you groaned. You exited his room and wandered back out towards the kitchen, plopping yourself down at a bar stool.
If by some magical miracle of timing, it was right then that the door swung open and James entered the apartment. He was sweaty and wearing a long-sleeved, skin tight, running shirt that clung to his skin, giving you a very direct view of his abs. You couldn't help but admire him for a moment as he took off his joggers.
"Hey love! You're up early for a Saturday."
"Well, at least I'm not a maniac that goes for a morning jog when it's snowing outside!" you rebutted.
He chuckled deeply. "Gotta keep myself in shape somehow."
You just smiled as he grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.
"So what are you doing up so early?" He questioned, leaning back against the counter and taking a long sip.
"Well, I've found myself in a bit of a... situation."
He quirked a brow. "Do tell."
"I checked my Secret Santa assignment this morning and I kind of got someone I have no idea what to buy for."
"That does seem like a bit of an issue," he noted playfully.
"Do you think you'd be able to help me? Sirius said no," you asked bashfully.
He smirked. "Of course, love. Although I am a bit offended, you didn't come to me first!"
You rolled your eyes affectionately. " I would've if you were actually here and not out trying to give yourself hypothermia."
He chuckled once more. "Touché."
--
The mall was crowded with it only being a few days out from Christmas. You had hoped that Mary would've left a little more than a day for you to purchase your gift before the party tomorrow, but in true Mary fashion, she'd gotten distracted with a final project at work and had forgotten to do the draw earlier.
You looked up at James who stood beside you. "So what kind of stuff do you think Dorcas would like?"
He furrowed his brows thinking for a moment. "She likes painting. And I know she works out a lot."
You sighed. "Okay, I can work with that. Come on."
You grabbed him by the arm and dragged him through the masses of people.
--
You were walking around an expensive homewares shop and hour later, still yet to find the perfect gift for Dorcas. You picked up a ceramic elephant and examined it. You swiftly placed it back down when you noticed the price.
"Hey? Do you think Mary would like this?" James called from across the store.
He was holding up a pretty crystal vase.
You turned away from what you were looking at. "Didn't you already buy her a coffee mug and an eyeshadow palette?"
"Yeah but this is so pretty! I think she'd really like it."
You shook your head. "James, you are aware that there's a £30 spending limit, right?"
He sighed dramatically. "I know but I there's just so much good stuff here!"
You chuckled. You knew he was already way over the limit anyway, money clearly not being an issue for James. You felt the need to intervene before he bought her the whole store.
"I love the enthusiasm but sometimes smaller is better, okay? You don't want to upstage everyone else."
He huffed and placed the vase back on the shelf. "Okay, fine."
"Good. Now, you're supposed to be helping me find my gift," you reminded him.
"Yeah, right. Okay."
He was pouting like a little kid and you reached a hand up to ruffle his hair affectionately. "I'm sure you'll be fine with what you have, James. Mary is going to love it. Now come on, lets try somewhere else."
You left that store and continued wandering through the mall. You looked up at the Christmas decorations that lined the rows of shops, and the people running too and frow, trying to finish their last minute Christmas shopping. You always loved the atmosphere at this time of year, when the festive spirit was running high, and you knew for a fact that James felt the same. Your gaze drifted over to the man walking beside you as his eyes scanned the rows of shops, He had number of bags in hand, all containing gifts for his loved ones. The thought made you feel giddy and a soft smile graced your face. You didn't think you'd ever met someone as generous and thoughtful as James was.
"What about over there?" He pulled you from your thoughts as he pointed to an art shop that was a few metres away.
"It's worth a try," you replied.
The shop was rather large, you realised upon entry, filled with various paintings, canvases and art supplies, ranging from reasonably priced to vastly expensive.
You felt a little overwhelmed, looking around at all the items.
"Is there anything I can help you with?" a voice emerged from behind you. You turned to see a young woman, probably a few years older than the two of you. She was smiling kindly, her long blonde hair pulled into a neat ponytail.
"Yes actually," you stated. "I'm looking for a Christmas present for a friend. I know she likes to paint but you have so many things in here, I'm not sure where to start."
"Not to worry," she said kindly. "Lets see if it can point you in the right direction."
You followed the lady through the shop, assessing various items and trying to find something that both jumped out at you, but was also within your assigned budget.
"What about this?" She asked eventually. "It's very popular with people who come in. In fact, I think this might be our last one."
It was a set of paintbrushes in a wooden case, each with a different coloured handle and varied in size.
"I'm sure your friend already has her own set of brushes but these ones come with portable case. Great for someone who likes to paint in different locations."
"it's perfect," you told her. You looked at the price. It was £30 exactly.
You snatched up the item and headed towards the counter to pay. It was then that you realised James was missing.
You paid for the item and once you had it secured in your possession, you looked around the shop in search of him.
"Sorry, have you seen my friend?" You asked the lady that was serving you.
"No, I haven't. Sorry," she shook her head.
"That's alright. He seems to have wandered off."
You took your bag and walked back through the aisles, searching. You wondered how such a tall, burly man was able to disappear so easily.
It was the Christmas section of the shop that you found him in. You couldn't help the laugh that escaped you when you saw him.
"James! What on earth?"
He smiled at you sheepishly. He was wrapped up in tinsel like a Christmas tree.
"I'm sorry. It's just so pretty. I didn't have enough hands! I slung it over my arm to carry it to the counter but then it got all tangled. I think I might be stuck."
"Can't take you anywhere!" you told him, playfully. "Here let me help."
Slowly you managed to uncoil the ribbon from around his biceps and place it back on the shelf it came from.
"I think we should probably stay away from tinsel for now."
"You're probably right," he chuckled. "So did you find something for Dorcas in the end?"
You looked up at him, staring into his big hazel eyes.
"Yeah, I did."
He smiled that ridiculously charming smile of his.
"Good. Now lets get out of here before I accidentally destroy the place."
You giggled as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, guiding you out of the shop.
--
You were on your way out of the mall when you stopped dead in your tracks.
"Oh my god," you sighed whistfully.
In a shop window, on display as part of a Christmas themed clothing line, was probably the most beautiful dress you'd ever seen. It was thigh-length with a square neckline and adorned with gold glitter that twinkled in the light. It was breathtaking.
"That's beautiful," James stated, coming to stand beside you.
"It really is," you responded.
"You should try it on!"
"Oh no. I don't think they'd have it in my size."
"I'm sure they do!" James encouraged. "Come on, lets go in."
Before you had time to respond, James had taken you by the hand and was pulling you through the doorway into the shop.
"Excuse me," he called to the assistant that stood behind the counter. "My friend would like to try on the gold dress in the window. Do you think you'd have it in her size?"
"Certainly," the lady replied with a smile. "Right this way."
--
You stood in the change-room, staring at yourself in the mirror. You had to admit, the dress looked amazing on you. It hugged all your curves perfectly.
"Can I see it?" you heard James call from outside the closed curtain.
"Okay," you responded.
You took a deep breath. Why were you suddenly so nervous?
With a shaky hand you drew back the curtain and James' jaw all but dropped to the floor.
"Oh my god," he muttered, eyes wide behind his glasses.
"Do you like it?" you asked shyly.
"You look incredible, y/n! Give me a spin."
You couldn't help but chuckle as you spun around awkwardly. You weren't used to this kind of attention. Especially not from a man as utterly gorgeous as James.
"You should get it!"
You smiled but shook your head. "It's beautiful but it's unfortunately wayyy out of my budget."
"Okay, no problem. I'll get it for you!"
Your head snapped up to look at him. "What? No. I can't ask you to do that, James."
He just smiled. "You're not asking. I'm offering. And it would be a tragedy not to buy it! Not when you look like that."
"Are you sure?" you muttered. You could feel your cheeks growing hot.
"Absolutely."
He stood up abruptly, walking over and placing a kiss on your cheek. You felt your breath leave your body at the gesture.
"Now go get changed while I pay," he instructed.
You looked up at him, feeling electricity buzz against your skin where his hand sat on your waist. You nodded, sure that if you tried to speak in that moment, nothing would come out. He had literally left you speechless.
Then he pulled away, venturing across the shop to pay for your new dress. You let out a heavy sigh as you watched him. It's official, you realised.
You were doomed.
--
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