#jacopo the troubadour x prince chlodwig

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Jacopo: Please know how deeply I hate you. Chlodwig: I'm so flattered.

thank you @dwightinshiningarmorfan for the submission!

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Chlodwig: What am I to you? Jacopo: An unavoidable irritazione.

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Chlodwig: Okay I’m ready, how do I look? Jacopo: Fine, now let us go. Chlodwig: Fine?! I need gorgeous, I’m changing. Dwight: NO! He meant gorgeous! Why didn’t you say gorgeous, why why why?!

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Chlodwig: Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone. Jacopo: How can I? You are taking all of the stupid with you.

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Jacopo: Chlodwig is my annoyance, and if I love him, it is the way I would love a cousin. Gretta: Chlodwig is my cousin and if he looked at me the way you look at him, I would call the police.

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Jacopo: Your existence, it is confusing. Chlodwig: Why? Jacopo: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to you I find very upsetting.

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Chlodwig: Should I die, donate my body to science. Chlodwig: Except my middle finger. Present my middle finger to that insufferable bard. Jacopo: For the last time, I am a troubadour! Jacopo the Troubadour! I am no bard you somaro reale!

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Jacopo: *slaps Chlodwig* Chlodwig: I needed that. Jacopo: *slaps Chlodwig again* Chlodwig: I needed that, too. Jacopo: *punches Chlodwig in the face* Chlodwig: YOU’RE PUSHING YOUR LUCK, LUTE BOY!

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Jacopo: Are there not other people you can choose to torture with your existences? Chlodwig, grinning hugely: Yes, but I choose you because I hate you!

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Chlodwig: So what is the plan? Jacopo: I thought you were the one with the plan. Chlodwig: No, I am the one with enthusiasm! Baldric: Thank heaven for small mercies.

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Chlodwig, very pompous: Do you have anything to declare, Troubadour? Jacopo: Yes, I declare you are un imbecille!

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Jacopo: Why can you not just be honest, principe idiota? The reason why you do not want me going to the tavern alone is because you are terrified that I will meet someone. You are always sabotaging my dates! Chlodwig: That is ridiculous! Every one of your dates I’ve been on, I behaved like a perfect gentleman!

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Dwight: You guys don't do anything halfway, do you? Jacopo: Of course not! Chlodwig: Why would anyone do something only halfway? Baldric: They are two halves of a whole idiot.