#jack london lake

[maureen2musings]

Vladimir Ryabkov

[scrapblring]

by Maxim Evdokimov

[s-awturn]

For As Long As It Takes || TW

summary: Y/N had always known what it was like to live with transient people in her life, so since she became a single mother, her main goal was to prevent her daughter from having to deal with people coming in and out of her life frequently. Dealing with a divorce is never easy, especially after sharing over a decade with someone, so the last thing Toto wanted, it was dealing with a new relationship, but life had new plans, both for him and Y/N.

Or where Toto waits five years for Y/N to accept him into her life.

cw: superficiality, a little anguish, a lot of cuteness, Toto completely surrendered, cute kid, media persecution, mention of hoax.

a/n: I know I owe Toto content 😩 and you can blame Carlos Sainz for that, but we finally have something here to soothe your needy hearts. There will be nothing suggestive here, but I know you'll like it (you better like it, understand?)

‘Darling, you're the one I want / And paper rings, and picture frames, and dirty dreams / Oh, you're the one I want’

Five years before...

When they met, Toto was going through a difficult divorce and her daughter had just turned one year old, and even though Toto was not inclined to enter into a new relationship. But there was no room for him to make a choice, when he saw her in the garden of Lewis's large summer house, playing with her daughter and the pilot's nephews, Toto saw his convictions fall to the ground. He spent a few seconds looking at you, who was smiling and playing with the children with great familiarity.

He asked Lewis who she was, and the pilot laughed, because Toto couldn't take his eyes off where she were.

"She's Y/N, she's my parents' neighbor, we've been friends for years" the Brit said, hiding his face behind a glass of peach tea "are you interested in her?"

"What are you talking about? I was just curious... I've never seen her at your parties or anything like that" he quickly dodged. There was no room in his life for anything other than his children or his job, he definitely didn't need another relationship. Lewis agreed, even if he didn't believe his friend's words, it was obvious that Toto was interested in Y/N; the pilot knew that Toto's marriage to Susie had been in crisis for over a year, so much so that Toto spent much more time at the factory or in a London apartment than at home with his wife. Toto had been living just for work for a long time.

Later that day, Y/N was sitting in a rocking chair by the lake, humming a lullaby while her baby napped on her lap, her daughter slowly fell asleep, enjoying every second of her mother's sweet voice, and Toto watched this from the balcony of the house, taken by the tenderness that the vision conveyed. As much as he wanted to deny it, something strange was emerging within him.

Y/N got up carefully so as not to wake the sleeping baby in her arms and gave a little jump when she found Toto there, she didn't expect to have an audience.

"Sorry for scaring you, I didn't mean to" he whispered so as not to wake the baby, he hadn't handled babies this small since Jack, and it had been a long time since then.

"It's okay, I just didn't expect anyone to be here, everyone is busy with the karaoke championship inside..." She replied, climbing the steps of the porch staircase.

"Better to go through the kitchen, there's less noise there and you won't wake your daughter," he suggested, indicating the place, the Austrian's perceptive eyes never leaving her face.

"Really? I should have known Sebastian and Fernando would make a show of it," she snaps, heading for the back entrance of the house and Toto, who had been following her at a polite distance, opened the door for her. S/N realized that Toto was right, there was less noise in the kitchen and living room, Sebastian was ruining another ABBA song "That's a shame, I won't be hearing Dancing Queen for a while now," she said, making Toto laugh behind her.

Toto remained in the kitchen, trying to understand what he was doing, he had no intention of getting involved with anyone, he really didn't need to get into another relationship while dealing with the end of the previous one. Toto was lost in thought when S/N approached, with a baby monitor in hand, he offered her a large glass of orange juice and the two listened to the horror show that Fernando and Sebastian were putting on in the living room of the house.

"Since when have you known Lewis? This is the first time I've seen you at one of his meetings," Toto inquired, trying not to sound too curious.

"We've been friends since I was a kid, he's a few years older than me, but that didn't stop me from being friends with him, especially because my dad was his go-kart mechanic" she replied, swirling the glass of juice to melt the ice cubes. "We became friends organically and spent a lot of time at each other's houses, I spent a few months with them when my parents had to return to America when I was a teenager."

Toto nodded, looking at her from the corner of his eye, Y/N stared at the baby monitor, even though she was present in the conversation, her senses were focused on the device, monitoring her daughter's sleep. Little by little, the conversation between them gained new topics, Toto really appreciated how S/N could move from one conversation to another very naturally. She was an intelligent and witty woman, making acidic and humorous comments whenever she could.

"And what is the name of the sleeping ladybug?"

He appreciated the genuine, loving smile that appeared on Y/N's face, letting her know how much she loved the baby.

"Agnes, I know it's silly and I'm not even religious, but my daughter was born at midnight, exactly when the day dedicated to Saint Agnes began. I interpreted it as a sign and named her that..."

"It's a beautiful name, the symbolism behind it is strong... Saint Agnes is the patron saint of what?" He questioned, it was obvious how much S/N loved talking about her daughter.

"of chastity, gardeners, young women, grooms, rape victims and virgins" she replied and finally took her eyes off the baby monitor. The tenderness with which she spoke of her daughter made Toto's heart twist in a strange way, Y/N was stirring Toto's already very compromised interior in ways he didn't know.

"You chose well"

"Isn't it? I think so too."

The two talked a lot more for the next couple of hours, Y/N did her best to dissect Toto until he was transparent to her eyes and he allowed it. There was something about her that made Toto spill everything that was on his mind, it was as if she had made him drink truth serum and wanted to know everything.

"Separations are not easy, how is your child coping?"

"Jack's doing well, as much as he can, I guess..." Toto murmured, running his index finger along the pattern of the granite counter. "Susie and I were honest with him, and Jack took it well, he himself said that he would rather Susie and I remain friends than fight like mortal enemies"

"That's good, it makes it less painful for him and God knows it sucks to see our children suffer," Y/N said thoughtfully. "And how are you with all this?"

"Honestly? At first I was a mess, I loved Susie a lot and but that love turned into friendship and we didn't know how to deal with it" he confessed "I'm still processing it, but it still sucks"

"The worst advice you'll hear today, you'll get over it, you'll survive, think that you were mature and dealt with it the right way" she said, there was bitterness in Y/N's voice and This took Toto by surprise "you could come out more hurt, Jack could come out destroyed"

"You're right, again," he replied and they both laughed, listening to Lewis try to stop Felipe, Sebastian and Fernando from singing as a trio.

Three years before...

“Torger, I told you I didn’t need it.” She looked at the huge dollhouse Agnes was playing with, the girl used the incredibly pink rooms as hiding places in a general headquarters. She created scenarios full of emotion and adventure with the Barbies, instructing Jack how he should move the dolls, making Y/N smile.

“It was no big deal, schatzi, I thought she would love a new hiding place for her spy Barbies,” he said, crossing his arms as he watched the little girl playing with Jack. “and I was right, apparently.”

“You spoil her too much, that’s not right,” she scolded him, making Toto raise his hands in surrender. “So much spoiling is detrimental to her education, and you know that, after all you have three children!”

“This is the last time, I promise”

“You said that the last two times, why should I believe you now, Wolff?” she arched her eyebrow, giving him the famous ‘mother look’, eliciting a spontaneous laugh from him, but Toto raised his little finger as he placed his left hand over his heart.

“I’m serious, schatzi, I won’t give Agnes any more gifts without any special occasion, I promise.” he said solemnly, making the woman roll her eyes before link your little finger with his.

“This is your last chance, Wolff, or I'll make you eat that pumpkin puree you hate” she threatened him and Toto grimaced, he really hated pumpkin puree.

“Urgh, no need to tell me twice,” he assured, “and how are things at work after your promotion?” he asked, keeping his eyes on Jack and Agnes playing. It was a pleasant surprise to discover that the two children loved each other at first sight, even though the age difference between them was very large, Jack and Agnes became friends the first moment they saw each other and played together whenever Toto took the boy to visit Y/N and Agnes.

“Obviously I have twice as much work now, but I can work from home and spend more time with my little bee, so I don't mind the extra work if it gives me more time with her," she said, smiling. "I've been waiting for this for three years, so obviously I'm happy.”

“That’s great, schatzi, I know how important it is for you to follow the growth of the sleeping ladybug.” He noted. “If you’re working from home right now, maybe you could join me for a run or two, the team appreciates and misses you both.”

“Toto... “I’m still paying off the apartment and I can’t get into debt like that right now,” she said, rubbing her hands on her jeans. “And don’t even think about offering to pay for it all, I wouldn’t accept.”

“What’s the point of having so much money if you can’t spend it on friends?” he said softly, “money that will stay here after I’m dead, so that I can enjoy it to the best of my ability while I am alive.”

“Anyway, I can’t accept it,” she insisted, not wanting to give in.

“Don't be stubborn, Y/N, you know that the money I spend doesn't make me miss it, nor will it make me poor tomorrow, you deserve some rest time sometimes, you are an exceptional mother, a splendid professional. And it will be good for Agnes too.”

She bit her lip, hating how Toto could hit sore points with well-articulated arguments. She hated it when he was the team boss. For better or worse, Agnes had come to love Formula One and loved watching the races with her. Y/N had set a goal that she would take the girl to see a race at the racetrack as soon as she could, but the apartment payments didn't seem to be decreasing, she hadn't received her pay yet after the promotion, so thinking about any other kind of expense was almost absurd.Toto never seemed willing to pay for things for her and Y/N was aware of his feelings for her, and for this reason she always felt reluctant to accept anything from him, she didn't want Toto to think that she was using his feelings for her own benefit.

"Please, you are important to me, I want to share with you and Agnes one of the best things I have, which is working with Formula One, and you love racing... Come on Y/N, accept my invitation" He cried out, holding her hands. “Try it once, if it’s uncomfortable for you or Agnes, I’ll send the jet to bring them right away,” he whispered the promise, watching her slowly soften.

“Torger...”

“Come on, honey, I know you’ll like it, trust me”

“Sure, we will, but we won’t go to races far from here, Toto.”

“What do you think of Spielberg and Spa?”

“I can’t believe you managed to get her, I’ve been trying since my time at McLaren, but she’s always said no,” Lewis said, teaching Agnes how to play with Roscoe, the bulldog lay on his back to receive petting from the girl.

“I almost begged for the intercession of some saint, you have no idea how hard it was,” Toto replied, placing the cap on Jack’s head. “You told me she was stubborn, but I hadn't imagined it was so much”

“She is, I thought I told you”

“Do I need to let you know that I’m still here?” she asked Jack, the boy shrugged in confusion.

The little boy approached Y/N and asked, "There's a box of Legos in my dad's office, can I take Agnes with me?"

Y/N smiled “sure, if she wants, but do you promise you’ll take care of her while you’re there?”

“Yep, I can! I’ll ask Jess to stay with us there.” He smiled, the same way Toto did that made her heart soften. Jack nudged Agnes gently, asking if she wanted to play with Legos. The girl's eyes lit up at the mention of the toy, she gave Roscoe one last pat before skipping after Jack, who was holding her little hand.

“I’ll appreciate it if you stop talking about me in the third person, you idiots,” she scolded, slapping both of their shoulders. Lewis muttered a curse and Toto laughed. “Now, I want to know if anyone is willing to show me the pitlane, I always saw it on TV and now that I'm here in person, I want to see everything”

“Sure, I'll take you schatzi, Lewis will have a debriefing with his mechanics and engineers to align the strategy for the last free practice session” Toto said, seeing the Briton snort before agree with a reluctant nod. “We'll be back in forty minutes, let Jess know if anything changes.”

“Sure, sure, as long as you two don’t hide in a dark alley and end up losing track of time...” he suggested, entering the small meeting room, where the team was already waiting for him, without hearing Toto and Y/N's insults.

Toto made a point of walking with Y/N throughout the pitlane, introducing her to whoever she wanted to meet, the Austrian contained his jealousy when he saw her acting like a groupie with Charles Leclerc and Carlos Sainz. But it was worth it, she was happy and that's what mattered.

“I didn’t know you were a Ferrari girl...” he tried to sound nonchalant, but Y/N laughed, noticing the jealousy bubbling beneath his polite disguise. Toto was not as discreet as he thought.

“I like Formula One because of my father, and he’s been obsessed with Ferrari since the Alain Prost era, I ended up inheriting his love for the Tifosi team,” she explained, crossing her hands behind her back. unable to hide her smile.

“Any chance you could become a Mercedes girl?”

“If Lewis tried to take me to the German side of Formula One and couldn't, you're not the one who's going to succeed.” Y/N gave a playful smile, seeing Toto close his eyes, but smile.

He made sure to take her to the paddock shop and get her and Agnes some souvenirs — all Ferrari, even though he really wanted to replace the prancing horse with the three-pointed star.

“I hate to admit it, but you look great in red. Damn,” he said, placing the cap on her, admiring her wide smile. Although to Toto, she was beautiful anyway.

“Listen up Toto, I’m beautiful no matter what. I mean, is that any way to compliment me?” she said, laughing all the while letting her ego grow a little.

Toto wanted so much to kiss her there, Y/N was radiant under the mild sun of Spielberg. Without the worry lines, the frown, she seemed even more stunning in his eyes. Only God and himself knew how hard he was trying not to kiss her, but Toto would respect her limits, he would make Y/N want to kiss him too, Toto hoped, fervently hoped that she would reciprocate his feelings, so he would wait.

He would wait for her however long it took.

One year before...

“You shouldn’t have given in to Agnes’ blackmail, I know you’ve been very busy with your work and Red Bull has been a thorn in your side… Really Toto, you didn’t have to come… And you even brought his kids along! They certainly had better things to do...”

Toto clicked his tongue, dismissing her concern. He pointed to Rosa, Benedict, Jack, and Agnes gathered in a corner of the school theater.

“I would never miss Agnes’ first play, Y/N, and that’s not up for discussion, and as for the kids, they insisted so much on coming, they love Agnes as much as I do, I didn't even insist, they themselves said they would come”

Her heart gave a huge jump inside her chest, Y/N could bet that if there wasn't a sternum there, Toto could see how much her heart was racing. For some time now she had noticed that her feelings towards Toto were changing, the way he was always around, the way Toto made a point of being her support in difficult times, she could no longer ignore that imagining life without Toto was almost absurd, the idea of moving away from him was ridiculous. Not that that would happen, Y/N did not intend to be away from him.

“Thank you for coming, Torcer, it’s important for both of us to have you all here”

It wasn't long before Agnes waved at you and ran backstage, then Rosa, Benedict and Jack returned to their seats, she didn't expect to get along so well with Toto's children, but to her — pleasant — surprise, Toto's heirs adored her, came to her house whenever they could, and included Agnes in whatever activities they were doing in London.

“She looks so cute! I can’t wait to see her in the bee costume!” Rosa said, clapping her hands, eager for the play to begin.

Benedict agreed with a murmur, “I thought she would be nervous, but the ladybug is quite calm.”

Y/N smiled, she felt so happy to know that her daughter was loved, cared for by people who, in theory, shouldn't even know of her existence.

She clutched Toto's hand tightly, anxious as the lights dimmed and the curtains parted, revealing the carefully painted stage, Agnes and her classmates in their places. The girl was not the protagonist, but he stood out, drawing laughter from the audience when he made some clearly improvised jokes. Y/N couldn't hold back the tears of pure pride, Agnes didn't show any nervousness, the stages seemed to be her natural habitat and she moved elegantly in front of the audience.

Toto slid his thumb across the back of Y/N's hand, without taking his eyes off the stage, he wasn't even paying attention to the other children, the businessman's eyes were fixed on Y/N's daughter. It was clear how much Toto loved Agnes and how much he cared for her.

“She's perfect, isn't she?” he said softly to Y/N, watching her nod as she cried silently, unable to stop smiling. Toto finally understood what had made him fall madly in love with Y/N since the first time he saw her: Y/N was overflowing with love, unconditionally and sincerely and ever since, he wished he could be enveloped, blessed by the love she emanated so strongly without realizing it.

“Yes, she is”

The rest of the play was filled with tears, laughter, and pride intertwined with genuine love. Y/N understood that there was no way to push Toto away, Wolff loved Agnes as if she were his blood, Toto loved her, he could no longer deny that Toto had become so deeply embedded in their lives that there was no way to pull him out.

“Toto!!” Agnes came running to them, she had already taken off her costume, but she still had makeup on, simply the cutest thing in the world. Y/N's heart pounded as she saw Toto pick up Agnes and throw her into the air, making the little girl laugh out loud "You really came to see me!!"

“I would never miss your first piece, little bee,” he said, leading her to the middle of the circle where Y/N, Jack, Rosa, Benedict and the Hamiltons were. “You were perfect up there, weren’t you scared?”

“Nope, I knew you would be here with mommy, so I looked to you guys whenever I felt scared” she confessed, blushing under the bee makeup. Y/N picked up the girl and kissed her non-stop, until Agnes laughed out loud, nestled in her mother's embrace. “My makeup, mommy!”

“You’re still beautiful, little bee! I’m so proud of you, you were the most beautiful in the play!”

It wasn't long before Agnes jumped off Y/N's lap and went to receive congratulations from Lewis and his relatives, and Y/N was wrapped in Toto's arms, feeling his soft kiss on her hair. .

“When are you two going to start dating?” Rosa asked, seeing them both blush.

Despite the blush on his cheeks, Toto was undeterred. “Whenever Y/N wants, and no matter how long it takes, I will wait.”

Y/N lost the rhythm of her heartbeat, her eyes wide and her mouth open, she didn't expect Toto to confess — if that wasn't a confession of feelings, then she was going crazy — in front of her children. Jack clapped excitedly, Rosa and Benedict smiled knowingly. Everyone who really mattered seemed to support their union, she just had to agree.

She stammered, not knowing exactly what to say and Toto smiled, sliding his thumb along the curve of her cheek “Take your time, Y/N, I’ve waited my whole life to find you, waiting for the rest of my life for you is a privilege”

Without thinking much, she wrapped her fingers in his shirt and kissed him, taking Toto by surprise, the children made a sound of disgust and moved away.

“You don’t have to wait, Toto. We’re on time,” she murmured as she pulled away, watching him smile before kissing her again.

Weeks after the play...

Y/N was surprised by Jack coming to tell her that Susie wanted to talk to her. The boy said that his mother was trying to contact Y/N, but her phone was listed as unreachable. Since the beginning of her official relationship with Toto, Y/N had been persecuted by the media, being labeled as a lover and home wrecker, several gossip tabloids, aggressive fans and other news sources claiming that she had been the pivot in the end of the relationship of one of the most beloved couples in the paddock. Since then she had blocked all calls from unknown numbers and avoided talking to strangers about her relationship with Toto. Not that she cared about other people's opinions, those who really mattered agreed and that was enough.

She entered the café that Susie had suggested and found the blonde at a table in the distance, Toto's ex-wife was absorbed in a book and didn't see her arrive.

“Sorry I’m late, the traffic was crazy,” he explained, putting his coat on the chair before sitting down. Susie gave a knowing smile and called the waiter over.

“Don’t worry, I should have suggested a quieter time...” she said and the two ordered, making small talk to break the awkward atmosphere. The waiter took their orders, They both ate in uncomfortable silence and Susie finally introduced the subject. “I was one of the first people to know about Toto’s interest in you.”

“I figured so, you and Toto spent a lot of time together... It was only natural that you ended up friends after the breakup...”

“I'm grateful that you understand and even if you do, I want to emphasize that I don't have any romantic feelings for him, and that brings me to the reason that brought us here” the blonde placed the cup on the table and looked at Y/N. “I don’t intend to get in the way of your relationship, I’m happy that Toto has finally found what he’s always been looking for and for you too, obviously.”

Y/N was not surprised by Susie's behavior, Toto had said several times that his ex-wife was noble and fair. She expected Susie to behave that way, like a true lady.

“I should say you’re lucky to have him in your life, but I suspect Toto is the luckiest one in the whole thing,” she said with a half smile. “I wish we could get along, our children adore each other and I don't want to take Jack away from Agnes, I suppose you feel the same way”

“Yes, you’re right, they really like each other and I love Jack, he’s a sweet boy and I would be devastated if I couldn’t have him around, so of course Susie, I think it’s great if we can get along.”

“Excellent! Jack talks so much about you and Agnes that I’ve been curious for years, and I understand, at least in part, why he seems to like you so much...” Susie said, causing Y/N to blush and widen her eyes.

“Uh, well, he also said amazing things about you and also made me very curious to meet you, it’s easy to see where his sympathy came from.” She said, as if telling a secret and they both laughed.

They spent hours talking and ordering more coffee, finding more common ground than they expected, neither of them considered the idea of ending up forming a bond, but at the end of that meeting, Susie and Y/N could expect that a friendship was blossoming.

When he arrived home, he found Agnes, Jack, Rosa and Benedict playing Twister in the middle of the living room while Toto worked at the kitchen table. In all the time she lived in that apartment, she never found the space small, after all it was just her and Agnes almost always, alone, however with Toto and the children staying with them — Y/N would never allow them to stay in a hotel, claiming she would be offended if they didn't —, The apartment seemed really small, but she didn't mind. She loved bumping into the kids or Toto. They made her house feel even more like home.

“Mommy!” Agnes broke free from the knot they had formed in the game, knocking the other three over without noticing and ran into Y/N’s arms “Do you want to play Twister with us?”

“Agnes?!” Jack yelled seconds before he was buried by Rosa and Benedict, making the older brothers laugh at him. The three of them stood up, rubbing their arms and legs that were sore from the game and Jack went with Agnes, curious to know what had happened at the meeting with Susie.

“I doubt I can play Twister as well as you guys, so next time, little bee,” Y/N replied, patting Agnes’ cheeks before ruffling Jack’s blond hair. “Susie is great, I hope she can have lunch with us sometime,” she said, feeling Toto’s searching gaze on her.

“How about you guys go take a shower so we can go out to dinner?” Toto suggested, joining the group in the middle of the room, he heard the excited screams of the children, fighting over who would enter the bathroom first, only when the doors closed did Toto turn to Y/N “how it was?"

“Susie is amazing, I didn’t lie about that, we get along well, I know she’s important to you and of course, to Jack... I can say that she and I are friends”

Toto breathed a sigh of relief, he didn't expect the two to end up fighting, but he was afraid that their personalities would end up clashing, both Susie and Y/N were temperamental...

“I’m glad you understood each other, family gatherings are going to be busy from now on,” he commented, wrapping his arms around the woman’s waist and he made a point of kissing every inch of her face, making Y/N laugh. It didn't take long for Y/N to lift her face and allow Toto to kiss her however he wanted, calm that there was someone who wouldn't leave her, who wouldn't be temporary. Toto had earned his place in her and Agnes' hearts with patience, he persevered until he finally managed to stay.

“Thank you for staying, Toto...” she tried to continue, but Toto kissed her again.

“It’s not something that needs thanking, schatzi,” he murmured, cupping her cheeks, “I’ve already made it clear that I’ll wait for you for as long as it takes, no matter what.”

Y/N felt her heart expand with all the feeling Toto poured over her, the certainty of his words digging deep into her soul, intertwining the calm and hope of finally having someone in your life, someone to hold on to when things weren't firm under your feet. Someone to take care of your heart.

[bluejayblueskies]

Red, White & Royal Blue Rebind

[ID: Eight pictures of a hand-bound rebind of the book "Red, White & Royal Blue." The first shows the cover, which has been bound in light gray bookcloth and is decorated to look like a suit with a union jack tie. There are two cardstock buttons, one that says "Vote Claremont" and the other that says "History, huh?" On the right side, the title "Red, White and Royal Blue" is painted on in red, white, and blue paint respectively. On the left side, the author name "Casey McQuiston" is painted on in white paint. The second shows the spine, covered also in gray bookcloth. It has the title "Red, White and Royal Blue" painted on in red, white, and blue paint respectively and the author name "Casey McQuiston" painted on in white paint. The third shows the book from the top so the headbands, sewn with red, white, and blue thread, can be seen. The fourth shows the title page of the book, which has the title "Red, White and Royal Blue" in red, white, and blue ink respectively, as well as the author name "Casey McQuiston" beneath it. The fifth shows the colophon page (left) and dedication page (right). The colophon has details about the book, as well as the binder logo for Blue Skies Books (a bluejay) and the logo for Renegade Publishing (a bookpress). The dedication page says, "For the weirdos and the dreamers" in a sans serif font above a black and white drawing of a reflective lake with pine trees around it. The sixth shows a chapter header page, which has a gray skyline that merges the skylines of DC and London across the top of it. The word "One" is in all caps in white on the lefthand side of the skyline, and body text is beneath it in a serif font. The seventh shows the inside of the book, drawing attention to the formatting of the emails throughout the book. The emails include icons for both Henry and Alex, email addresses, timestamps, and subjects. The eighth shows the inside of the book, drawing attention to the red, white, and blue heart page divider and the handwriting fonts used within the regular body text for certain words. /End ID]

When the Red, White and Royal Blue movie came out last year, I rediscovered my love for this book and these characters and just had to do a rebind of it! This is a full rebind, so I've done the typeset myself as well as the cover. I had a delightful time coming up with the cover design (I imagine this is modeled after a theoretical Alex suit, though it could be Henry's as well!), and I had an especially fun time doing the typeset. There are so many fun formatting elements in this story, and it was great getting to put my own spin on them.

Logistics-wise, this bind uses Lumeiere fabric paint and a Silhouette-cut stencil for the words, Silhouette-cut cardstock for the decorative elements, handmade cotton bookcloth for the cover, cotton embroidery thread for the endbands, and regular Hammermill cream paper for the textblock. (Once I've saved up for it, I'm looking forward to getting some short-grain textblock paper! This is still long grain.) The body font is Cochin and the title font is Montserrat.

And finally: my bind versus my trade paperback copy!

[ID: A picture of the hand-bound version of "Red, White and Royal Blue" from above held next to the mass-produced paperback version of the same book. They are made in different styles with different color schemes, but both have a fun and slightly whimsical appearance to them. /End ID]

[lifeofpriya]

So Long, London - Jack Draper

[gif credit goes to @pyotrkochetkov]

a/n: this fic was heavily inspired by @pyotrkochetkov's post a few days ago about a jack angst fic idea she wanted someone to write 🤭 this is probably the longest fic i've ever written, so sit down, grab a drink and some snacks, and buckle down for the ride, y'all!

summary: what once was a vibrant relationship begins to fade, leaving both of you to drift apart and question your future together...

You woke up to the soft patter of rain outside the window, the sound barely audible over the steady hum of the city below. Stretching, you felt the stiffness in your body from the long hours spent at the office, the tension that had become a second skin to you. Your apartment in the heart of London was a sanctuary from the outside world, a place where you could shed the mask of the day and just be.

Jack's side of the bed was empty, the sheets cold to the touch. You knew his schedule by heart now: early morning training sessions, a quick breakfast, and then off to the courts. You had met him at a charity event a few months ago, and it had been love at first serve. His hazel eyes had pierced through the bustle of the crowd, his smile a warm embrace even in the chilly London air. He was everything you had ever wanted: successful, charming, and attentive.

But lately, something had changed. The texts grew shorter, and the phone calls less frequent. His dedication to tennis seemed to have swallowed him whole, leaving you with the crumbs of his attention. You tried not to let it show and pretended everything was fine, but the cracks in your relationship had started to widen like a fissure in a frozen lake. The apartment that once echoed with laughter and shared dreams now felt more like a museum of memories, each room a silent exhibit of what used to be.

As his career was reaching new heights, your world was slowly shrinking. The thrill of watching him play had become a distant memory, replaced by the cold reality of his absence. His victories no longer filled you with joy, but instead, a sinking feeling of loneliness. You had become an afterthought in his life, a box to check off his to-do list. You missed the way his eyes used to light up when you talked about your day, the gentle way his hand would brush against yours, the way his laughter could fill a room.

The effort you put into maintaining the façade of happiness grew tiresome, like a dance you had learned by heart but no longer enjoyed performing. You'd stay up late into the night, scrolling through social media, watching as his life played out in highlight reels and sponsored posts. The more successful he became, the more invisible you felt. You tried talking to him, but he'd always dismiss it as work stress, promising things would get better once the season was over. Yet, the seasons changed, and so did nothing else.

One evening, you decided to surprise him at his match. The stadium was packed, the air thick with anticipation as he took to the court. You watched him from the stands, his muscles flexing with each powerful serve, his eyes focused solely on the prize. He didn't see you there, not even when you cheered louder than anyone else. After his victory, you waited for him by the exit, clutching the bouquet of flowers you had bought. He walked by, surrounded by an entourage of fans and colleagues, and for a moment, his eyes met yours. But they didn't linger. They slid away as if you were just another face in the crowd.

The ache in your chest grew sharper with each passing day. You found yourself questioning every little thing: every unanswered text, every late-night training session, every time he chose the courts over you. The silence between you had become deafening, a void that swallowed up the love that once thrived. You knew you couldn't go on like this, living in the shadow of his career, but you were afraid to let go. The thought of ending it all was like contemplating the destruction of your own heart.

The rain had stopped, but the gray sky remained a gloomy backdrop to your mood. You decided to take a walk, hoping the fresh air would clear your thoughts. The cobblestone streets were slick under your shoes, and the scent of wet earth and the distant waft of a bakery mingled in the damp air. Each step took you further from the apartment, away from the reminders of the life you had built together, and closer to the realization that it was all falling apart.

As you strolled through the quiet, tree-lined streets, you passed by a small café. Through the steamy window, you saw a couple holding hands over a cup of coffee, their smiles a stark contrast to the sadness you felt. You thought about the times you and Jack had sat in places like this, sipping hot drinks and sharing your hopes and fears. It seemed like a lifetime ago. Your eyes stung with unshed tears, and you quickened your pace, not wanting to be caught in a moment of weakness.

You found yourself in the park, the same one where you had shared your first kiss. The leaves were turning gold, a poignant reminder of the autumn of your relationship. You sat on a bench, watching as children played nearby, their laughter a bittersweet symphony that taunted the silence in your soul.

You had enough. You knew you deserved better, more than the fleeting moments of affection and the empty promises of quality time. So, you gathered your courage and decided to confront Jack. You waited for him to come home, your heart racing with every tick of the clock. When he finally walked through the door, sweat-soaked and exhausted, you couldn't hide the sadness in your eyes anymore.

"Jack, we need to talk," you said, your voice steady despite the turmoil inside.

He looked up from his gym bag, surprise etched on his weary face. "What's up?"

You took a deep breath, the words you had rehearsed so many times now poised on the edge of your tongue. "This isn't working anymore, is it?"

Jack paused, his hand hovering over the doorknob as he processed your words. The weight of the unspoken hung heavily in the air, a silent testament to the distance that had grown between you. He sighed, a heavy sound that seemed to carry the weight of the world, and dropped his bag to the floor. "What do you mean?"

You could see the exhaustion in his eyes, the lines around his mouth that had deepened since you last had a real conversation. But there was something else, too. A flicker of guilt that confirmed what you already knew. "I mean," you began, your voice wavering slightly, "that we're drifting apart. That your tennis is consuming everything, and I'm just… I'm just here, waiting for you to come up for air."

Jack leaned against the door, his posture deflating as he took in your words. He rubbed the back of his neck, a habit he had when he was stressed or confused. "I know I've been busy," he started, his voice low and sincere, "but I thought we were okay."

You felt a knot in your throat, the years of pent-up frustration and love tangled together in a mess that was difficult to unravel. "Okay isn't enough," you said firmly. "I need more than okay."

Jack's eyes searched yours, looking for a hint of the spark that had brought you two together. He took a step closer, his hands reaching out tentatively, as if to bridge the gap that had grown between you. "What do you want from me?"

You hesitated, the question echoing in your mind. What did you want? You wanted the love you had felt in those early days, the excitement of discovery, and the comfort of shared experiences. But that seemed like a distant dream now. "I want you," you said finally, the words coming out more as a plea than a demand. "I want the person I fell in love with."

Jack's expression softened, and for a moment, you thought he might understand. But then his eyes clouded over again, and he took a step back. "You know I can't just quit tennis," he said, his voice a mix of frustration and resentment. "This is my life. This is what I've worked for."

You felt the sting of his words, but you didn't flinch. "I'm not asking you to quit," you replied calmly. I'm just asking for balance—for us to be a priority again."

Jack looked at you, his eyes searching yours for understanding. He ran a hand through his damp hair, leaving it in disarray. "You know how much this means to me," he said, his voice strained. "But I'll try."

You nodded, hope flickering in your chest. Maybe there was a chance, a glimmer of the love you had lost. But the doubt remained, a persistent whisper in the back of your mind. The next few days were filled with tentative gestures and half-hearted attempts at connection. He'd stay up later to watch a movie with you, or surprise you with breakfast in bed, but the underlying tension remained. You could feel it, a tightrope you both danced upon, afraid to misstep and send everything plummeting into the abyss.

One evening, Jack came home earlier than expected. He had lost a match, his first in months. The defeat etched on his face was raw, unfiltered. You wanted to comfort him, to tell him it was okay, that you were there for him no matter what. But when he saw you, his eyes darkened, the weight of his failure crushing the fragile peace you had constructed.

"What are you doing here?" he snapped, his voice laced with frustration. "I need to be alone."

You felt the rejection like a punch to the gut, but you remained steadfast. "Jack, it's okay to lose," you said softly, reaching out to touch his arm. "It doesn't change who you are."

He shrugged you off, his eyes burning with anger and disappointment. "You don't get it," he said, his voice tight. "This isn't just a game to me. It's everything."

You took a step back, the coldness of his words sending a shiver down your spine. You had never seen this side of him before, the side that was consumed by the sport, the side that didn't have room for you. "I do get it," you said, trying to keep the hurt from your voice. "But you can't let it be everything. You can't let it eat away at us."

Jack didn't respond, instead, he turned away and headed to the shower, the door slamming shut behind him. You stood there, unsure of what to do next. The apartment felt smaller, the air thick with the unspoken. You knew you had to give him space, but the walls seemed to be closing in on you, suffocating you with the weight of his pain and your own fear.

You wandered into the living room, the silence deafening. You picked up a book from the coffee table, trying to find solace in the pages, but the words blurred together, indistinct and unimportant. Your thoughts kept drifting back to the conversation, to the coldness in his eyes when he pushed you away.

The sound of the shower finally stopped, and you could hear Jack moving around in the bedroom. You set the book down and took a deep breath, steeling yourself for what was to come.

When he emerged, his face was scrubbed clean, but the sadness in his eyes remained. He saw you sitting there, and for a moment, the anger was gone, replaced by a look of regret. He sat down next to you, his elbows on his knees, and leaned his head in his hands. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice cracking. "I didn't mean to push you away."

You put the book aside and turned to face him. "Jack, we can't go on like this," you said gently, taking his hand in yours. "I can't keep pretending everything's fine when it's not."

He looked up at you, the regret in his eyes deepening. "I know," he murmured. "I've been so focused on tennis that I've neglected us. I've taken you for granted."

You shook your head, "I can't live my life fueled with empty promises anymore." The words hung in the air, a stark reminder of the chasm that had formed between you.

Jack's gaze dropped to the floor, his grip on your hand tightening. "I know I haven't been the best partner," he admitted, his voice a hoarse whisper. "But I want to change. I want to make it work."

You studied his face, searching for the truth in his words. You knew he meant it, but the doubt remained, a stubborn shadow that had taken root in your heart. "I've given you so many chances," you whispered, your voice trembling. "I'm done fighting for a relationship that feels one-sided."

Jack took a deep breath, his eyes meeting yours with a newfound vulnerability. "I know," he said, his voice thick with regret. "And I've let you down. But if you give me one more chance, I'll prove to you that I can change. That we can find that balance."

You felt your heart ache, torn between the love you still had for him and the pain of his neglect. "Jack," you began, your voice barely above a whisper, "I don't know if I can do this anymore."

He looked at you, the reality of your words sinking in. He leaned over and took your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away the tears that had started to fall. "Please," he begged, "just one more chance. I'll do whatever it takes to make it right."

You stared into his eyes, the green of the leaves outside the window casting a mottled light over his features. The love you had for him was still there, a dull throb that wouldn't go away, no matter how much you wished it would. You wanted to believe him, you really did. But the doubt was a heavy burden that you had been carrying for too long.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, pulling away from his grasp. "But I can't keep doing this." Your voice was shaky, but your resolve was unwavering.

Jack's eyes searched yours, desperation pooling in their depths. "What do you mean?"

You took a deep breath, the words sticking in your throat like a mouthful of dry toast. "I mean, I can't keep holding onto something that isn't working," you said, your voice firm despite the tears threatening to spill over. "I've given you all of me, and I need more than just the leftovers of your time and attention."

Jack's expression fell, the realization of his actions settling on him like a heavy fog. He opened his mouth to protest, but no words came out. Instead, he dropped his hands to his sides, his shoulders slumping in defeat. The silence that followed was a physical presence in the room, a thick and heavy blanket that suffocated any semblance of comfort.

You stood up, the tremble in your legs betraying your inner turmoil. "I need some time to think," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. You turned and walked to the bedroom, each step feeling like you were walking away from a piece of yourself. You shut the door gently, leaving him sitting on the couch, alone with his thoughts.

In the bedroom, you leaned against the closed door, your chest heaving with the effort to hold back sobs. You took a moment to compose yourself, to breathe in the air that was now thick with the scent of their cologne, a smell that was once comforting but now a stark reminder of the empty promises and unfulfilled dreams. You looked around the room, at the photos of happy moments together, the trophies that gleamed in the soft light, and the empty space on the nightstand where your picture used to be.

You grabbed your phone and dialed your best friend's number, the one person who knew every detail of your relationship, every high and low. You needed her calm voice, her unwavering support. She picked up on the first ring, and without saying a word, you could feel the empathy radiating through the line. She knew something was wrong.

"He's not changing, is he?" she asked gently.

You took a deep breath, the truth of her words a heavy stone in your chest. "I don't know," you managed to choke out. "I want to believe he will, but I can't ignore the feeling that it's just going to be more of the same."

Your friend's voice was a soothing balm, offering comfort without judgment. "You've done everything you can," she said. "It's time to think about what you need."

You nodded, even though she couldn't see you. You knew she was right. You needed more than just a promise of change. You needed action, a commitment to the relationship that matched the one you had been giving all along. You sat down on the bed, the mattress squeaking under your weight, and took a deep breath. The rain had started again, the droplets tapping a solemn rhythm on the window.

Jack's side of the closet was a testament to his life on the road, a chaotic mess of suitcases and rumpled clothes. You stared at his tennis shoes, the ones he had worn when you had watched him win his first major tournament. They were pristine white, now scuffed and worn from his relentless pursuit of greatness. You felt a pang of sadness, wondering if his dedication to the sport had cost him more than just your happiness.

With a heavy heart, you began to pack a bag of your own. You didn't know where you'd go, but you knew you couldn't stay here anymore. Each item you placed in the bag was a symbol of your own strength, a declaration of independence from the shadow of his success. The sound of your zipper closing was the final act in a play that had gone on for too long.

You walked out to the living room, your bag slung over your shoulder, and found Jack still sitting on the couch. He looked up at you, his eyes red and puffy, the weight of his own regret etched into his features. "I'm sorry," he murmured again, but the words felt hollow in the face of your resolve. "I guess this is it," he said, standing up.

You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. The words you wanted to say, the anger and hurt you had bottled up for so long, threatened to spill out in a flood of accusations and recriminations. But you knew that wouldn't change anything. You had made your decision, and it was time to move on. "I need to go," you said, your voice calm despite the storm raging within.

Jack stepped aside, allowing you to pass. As you moved through the apartment, each room whispered memories that now felt like ghosts. You paused in the kitchen, the sight of the mug tree bringing a lump to your throat. So many mornings you had made him tea, hoping the simple act would be enough to keep him grounded, to remind him of what he had waiting for him at home. It was a futile hope, one that had been shattered by the relentless pull of the courts.

You took one last look around, the walls now echoing with the silence of your unanswered calls and the emptiness of his promises. The door clicked shut behind you, a finality that resonated through your bones. The cool air outside was a stark contrast to the stifling atmosphere you had left behind.

You wandered the streets, the rain now a gentle patter that matched the rhythm of your thoughts. Each step took you further from the apartment, from the life you had built with him, and closer to the unknown. The city lights reflected off the wet pavement, casting a shimmering glow that seemed to mock the darkness of your heart.

You called a taxi, the neon lights of the car blinking through the mist like a beacon of escape. The driver looked at you in the rearview mirror, his expression a mix of curiosity and concern. You gave him the address of a hotel you had found online, one that offered a quiet refuge from the tumultuous storm of your emotions.

As the city passed by in a blur of lights and rain-slicked streets, you stared out the window, the cold glass pressing against your forehead. Your thoughts swirled like the wind outside, a chaotic mix of doubt, anger, and sorrow. You wondered if you were making a mistake, if you were giving up too quickly. But the weight of the decision settled in your stomach like a lead ball, a sure sign that you were doing what needed to be done.

When the taxi pulled up to the hotel, the doorman rushed to open the door, offering you a sympathetic smile as you stepped out into the damp night. The lobby was a welcome respite from the storm, warm and quiet, with a faint scent of vanilla and fresh flowers. The receptionist offered her condolences for the weather as she checked you in, her eyes flicking to the bag slung over your shoulder, but she said nothing about the tears that had streaked your cheeks.

You took the elevator to the top floor, the ride up feeling like an ascension to a new chapter of your life. The room was small but cozy, with a plush bed that beckoned you to rest and a view of the city that reminded you of the vast expanse of possibilities ahead. You set your bag down, and for a moment, you just stood there, listening to the rain tap against the window, feeling the weight of the silence that was now yours alone.

You called your friend back, her voice a lifeline in the sea of your doubt. She talked you through the pain, her words of encouragement and understanding a salve to your bruised heart. She reminded you of who you were before Jack, of the dreams you had put on hold, of the life that was still waiting for you outside the shadow of his ambition.

You took a long, hot shower, letting the water wash away the tension and the tears. You felt the warmth seep into your skin, rekindling a spark of life that had been all but snuffed out. When you emerged, you wrapped yourself in a soft towel and looked in the mirror. The person staring back at you was tired but determined.

You pulled on a pair of comfortable pajamas and climbed into the bed, feeling the cool sheets against your flushed skin. You lay there for a while, listening to the rain outside, feeling the sadness wash over you in waves. But as the night grew darker, something shifted. The weight of your decision began to feel lighter, replaced by a quiet sense of relief. You had stood up for yourself, and that was something to be proud of.

As you drifted off to sleep, your mind played back moments of your relationship—the laughter, the tears, the passion. You felt the ache of loss, but also the flicker of hope. Maybe this was the end, or perhaps it was just the end of a chapter. Either way, you knew you had made the right choice.

The next morning, you woke up to the sound of the city waking up. The rain had stopped, and the sun peeked through the curtains, casting a soft glow over the room. You felt a strange mix of emotions—sadness, relief, fear, and a hint of excitement for the unknown. You knew you couldn't stay in this hotel forever, but for now, it was your sanctuary, a place to heal and decide your next steps.

You ordered room service, and the comforting taste of tea and toast was a gentle reminder of the life you once knew. You spent the day in a daze, watching movies and scrolling through social media, trying to distract yourself from the reality of your situation. But every notification, every article about Jack's latest match, brought the pain back in full force.

In the quiet solitude of the hotel room, you allowed yourself to grieve the relationship you had lost. The highs and the lows, the love and the neglect, all culminating in this moment of solitude. You cried until there were no more tears left, until your eyes were puffy and your throat raw.

As the days passed, you began to feel the tentative beginnings of strength. Each time you checked your phone and saw a message from Jack, you resisted the urge to respond immediately. Instead, you took a deep breath and waited, letting the words sit unanswered, giving yourself the space to think and feel.

You started to explore the city again, the same streets that had once been the backdrop to your shared life now a canvas for new adventures. You visited museums and parks, wandered through markets and cafes, rediscovering the joy of doing things on your own terms. The world didn't revolve around his schedule anymore, and the freedom was both exhilarating and terrifying.

Meanwhile, Jack's life continued on the tennis tour, but the sting of your departure remained. He found it difficult to focus, his mind often drifting to the emptiness of the apartment and the echo of your voice. His performances on the court suffered, and the whispers of doubt grew louder in his ears. He knew he had lost more than just a partner in you; he had lost a piece of himself.

"Game, set, match, Alcaraz," the announcer's voice boomed through the stadium, and Jack's shoulders dropped in defeat. His eyes searched the stands, but there was no sign of you. It had been weeks since you had last spoken, and the void in his life was a constant reminder of his failure.

The applause from the crowd seemed muted as he made his way to the locker room, the weight of his loss heavy on his shoulders. His coach tried to offer words of encouragement, but Jack knew that nothing could fill the emptiness that your absence had left. He had pushed you away with his obsession, and now he faced the stark reality of a life without your warmth and support.

In the quiet of his hotel room, Jack stared at his phone, the screen lighting up with messages from his agent, his coach, and his friends. But the one message he craved was from you. He knew he had to make a change, to prove to you and himself that he could balance his career with the love you both deserved.

The weeks passed in a blur of matches and press conferences, but Jack couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that had settled in his chest. His game suffered, his focus scattered. His entourage noticed the shift, their worried glances and hushed conversations a constant reminder of his personal turmoil.

One evening, after a particularly crushing loss, Jack found himself unable to face the empty hotel suite. Instead, he wandered the streets, seeking solace in the anonymity of the city.

He ended up at a small, dimly lit pub, the kind of place where the locals gathered to drown their sorrows and share their stories. The warm, woody scent of beer and the comforting murmur of conversation wrapped around him like a blanket. He took a seat at the bar, the polished wood cool against his palms.

The bartender, a middle-aged woman with a kind face and a knowing smile, approached him. "Rough day?" she asked, her voice a gentle rumble.

Jack nodded, his eyes downcast. "Rough few weeks, actually," he murmured, the weight of his words heavier than the silence that followed.

The bartender leaned closer, a hint of concern in her gaze. "Love troubles?" she ventured.

Jack sighed, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. "Something like that," he replied, staring into the amber depths of his whiskey.

The woman nodded, her eyes filled with understanding. "It's tough when you lose someone important, especially when you know you're the one who messed up." She wiped the counter with a cloth that had seen better days. "But you're young, and you're talented. You've got time to make it right."

Jack took a sip of his drink, the burn in his throat mirroring the ache in his heart. "I just don't know if I can," he said, his voice thick with regret. "I've lost so much already."

The bartender's expression softened. "You can't change the past, love," she said, her voice a soothing balm. "But you can learn from it. Sometimes, you have to hit rock bottom before you realize what you truly want."

Jack nodded, the whiskey warming him from the inside out. He knew she was right. The pain of losing you had brought a clarity to his life that he hadn't felt in a long time. Tennis was his love, his passion, but it couldn't be his everything.

The next day, Jack took a deep breath as he walked into the gym, his eyes scanning the familiar space for any signs of change. His coach noticed the determination in his stride and nodded approvingly. They began to work on a new strategy, one that didn't just focus on his serve and volley but also on his mental fortitude. Between sets, Jack's thoughts drifted to you, to the way your eyes would light up when he talked about his matches, the way you'd listen intently and offer insights that often proved invaluable. He missed that connection, the way you understood him in a way no one else did.

As he swiped the sweat from his brow, Jack made a silent vow to become the person you deserved, to find the balance between his love for tennis and his love for you. It wasn't going to be easy, and he knew that he couldn't expect you to come running back with open arms. But he had to try, for both of your sakes.

One day, while he was in line at the coffee shop, Jack heard a familiar laugh. His heart skipped a beat, and he spun around, only to see you with an unfamiliar man, smiling and chatting away. The sight of you with someone else was like a knife to the chest. He quickly averted his gaze, pretending not to notice, but the pain was acute. He realized he hadn't seen you in person since that rainy night you left.

Jack's hand trembled as he took the coffee the barista handed him. He stepped aside, watching you from a distance, feeling like an outsider in a scene that used to be so intimately his. The stranger put his arm around your shoulders, and Jack felt a surge of jealousy that surprised him. He had known you needed more, but seeing it with his own eyes was a different story.

But you didn't miss the way Jack's eyes lingered on you, the desperation in his gaze. You felt a pang of guilt, but you steeled yourself. You had moved on, hadn't you?

You couldn't deny it, your heart skipped a beat when you saw him. You wanted to run into his arms and tell him you'd made a mistake, that you could work it out.

"You still have feelings for him, don't you?" You heard Alex whisper, a sad smile playing on his lips. You nodded, sipping your hot beverage.

"It's hard not to, but…I've moved on," you replied, trying to convince yourself more than anyone else.

"Have you though? Really moved on?" Alex's question lingered in the air, his gaze holding yours as you took another sip of your beverage. You swallowed hard, the warm liquid doing little to soothe the sudden tightness in your throat. "It's okay if you do," he added gently, "but maybe it's time to talk to him."

Jack watched you from across the street, his heart hammering in his chest. He had hoped that with time and distance, the pain would lessen, but seeing you with someone else brought it all rushing back. The months of training, the endless matches, none of it had filled the void you left behind. He knew he needed to make a change, to find a way to balance his love for the game with the love he had for you.

With a newfound resolve, Jack approached you, his sneakers squeaking on the damp pavement. You turned, surprise flickering in your eyes before they clouded over with caution. Alex stepped aside, giving you space. "Can we talk?" Jack asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

You nodded, leading the way to a nearby park bench. The rain had stopped, leaving the air fresh and clean, the scent of wet earth and leaves filling the space between you. You sat down, leaving a respectful distance, your eyes avoiding his. "What is there to say?" you began, your voice tight with unshed tears.

Jack took a deep breath, his eyes searching yours. "I've been thinking about us," he said, his voice raw with emotion. "I know I've hurt you, and I'm sorry. I never meant to make you feel like you weren't a priority."

You remained silent, watching the children playing in the distance, the sound of their laughter a stark contrast to the heaviness of the conversation. "It's more than that, Jack," you said finally, your voice steady. "It's about feeling seen, heard, and valued. It's about being a team, not just having someone to come home to when you're done with your day."

Jack nodded, his eyes never leaving yours. "I get it," he said, his voice low and earnest. "I've been so focused on my career, I lost sight of what's truly important. I want to change that. I want to be better for you."

You studied him, looking for the truth in his words. The old Jack, the one who used to make you feel like the center of his world, seemed to be peeking out from behind the tired, burdened exterior. "What does that mean, exactly?" you asked, your voice laced with skepticism.

Jack took a deep breath, bracing himself for the hardest conversation of his life. "It means that I'll make time for us, really make time," he began. "I'll schedule breaks in my training, show up for dinner without my phone, and actually listen when you talk about your day." His voice grew stronger as he spoke, the conviction in his eyes growing brighter. "I'll do whatever it takes to fix this."

You felt a flicker of hope, but it was quickly doused by the memory of his past promises. "Words are easy, Jack," you said, your tone measured. "It's the actions that count."

Jack's expression grew serious, the lines around his eyes deepening as he nodded. "You're right. I know I've said a lot of things I didn't follow through on, but I'm different now." He paused, searching for the right words. "I've missed you. I've missed us. I can't stand the thought of losing you for good."

You bit your lip, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over. "Jack, I want to believe you," you said, your voice wavering. "But I've been here before. How do I know this isn't just another fleeting moment of clarity before you're off to the next match?"

Jack reached out and took your hand, his grip firm but gentle. "Because I'm going to prove it to you," he said, his eyes never leaving yours. "I'm going to show you that you're not just a part of my life, you're the most important part. And if that means taking a step back from tennis, then that's what I'll do."

You searched his eyes, looking for any sign of deceit or doubt. But all you saw was sincerity and pain. "I don't want you to give up your dreams," you whispered. "But I need to know you're willing to make me a part of them."

Jack nodded solemnly. "I understand," he said. "And I'm not asking you to come back right now. I just… I want you to know that I'm willing to make changes. To make us work."

You felt the warmth of his hand, the familiarity of his touch sending a shiver down your spine. You had missed this connection, but the fear of history repeating itself was stronger.

"Jack," you began, your voice shaky, "I want to believe you. I really do. But I've been hurt too many times. I can't just jump back in without knowing it's for real."

Jack's grip on your hand tightened slightly, his thumb stroking the back of your hand in a comforting gesture. "I know," he said, his eyes never leaving yours. "And I don't expect you to. I just need you to know that I'm ready to fight for us. To make this right."

You sighed, the weight of your decision pressing down on your chest like a boulder. "Okay," you finally said, your voice barely audible. "Let's take it slow. No promises, just…see where it goes."

Jack's face lit up with hope, a small smile playing on his lips. "I can do that," he said, squeezing your hand. "We'll take it one day at a time."

The days turned into weeks, and Jack kept his promise. He made an effort to be present, to listen, to be there for you without the distraction of his phone or his thoughts of the next match. He started to include you in his training sessions, even asking for your advice on his game. It was a tentative dance, both of you testing the waters, feeling for the old rhythm that had been lost.

You found yourself slowly letting your guard down, the warmth of his attention thawing the icy walls around your heart. But the fear remained, a persistent shadow that followed you, whispering doubt into your ear every time he had to leave for a tournament.

One evening, as you watched him pack his bag, the memories of the past filled the room—his hasty goodbyes, the forgotten anniversaries, the missed phone calls. You took a deep breath, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach. "Jack," you said, your voice wavering, "are you sure this is what you want? That you can handle it?"

Jack looked up from his suitcase, his eyes meeting yours with a fierce determination. "I've never been more sure of anything," he replied, crossing the room to stand in front of you. "I love you, and I'm going to prove it every single day." He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close, and for a moment, you allowed yourself to believe him.

The next few weeks were a whirlwind of improvement. Jack's dedication to the relationship was evident, and his performance on the court reflected the newfound balance in his life. The press took notice, praising his renewed focus and maturity. His wins started piling up, and the whispers of a potential comeback grew louder.

But it wasn't just his game that had changed; it was Jack himself. He had become more thoughtful, more attentive. He'd surprise you with flowers, leave sweet notes around the apartment, and ask about your day with genuine interest. He was the partner you had always wanted him to be, and you felt yourself falling back in love with him.

Yet, the doubt remained, a quiet thief in the night that stole moments of happiness. You would catch yourself waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the day when he'd slip back into his old ways. Each time he picked up his phone to check his schedule, you'd hold your breath, waiting for the apology that usually followed.

But the apologies didn't come. Instead, Jack made plans with you, around you. He talked about the future with a warmth that had been absent for so long, his eyes lighting up when he spoke of trips you could take together, the life you could build outside of tennis. It was as if he had finally realized that there was more to life than the scoreboard.

One rainy afternoon, you found yourself nestled in his arms, watching a movie you'd both seen a hundred times before. His fingers traced idle patterns on your skin, and you felt a sense of peace that had been elusive for months. As the credits rolled, Jack leaned in and kissed you softly, his eyes searching yours for reassurance.

"I'm going to miss you," you whispered, as the reality of his upcoming tournament loomed.

Jack pulled you closer, his arms a warm cocoon. "I'll miss you too," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "But I promise, I'll make it up to you when I get back."

The days leading up to the tournament were filled with sweet gestures and stolen moments of intimacy. Jack took you on surprise dates, showered you with affection, and even cooked for you, a rarity in your usually hectic lives. His dedication to making amends was palpable, and you found yourself feeling hopeful for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

[thatsdemko]

MASTERLIST(pt.2)

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I reached link limit on the mobile app and I don’t use my MacBook often enough with this app to keep adding links so this is part 2!

here is part one!

HOCKEY

jack hughes

fuck valentine part two

with feeling

auston matthews

four more years

Matthew knies

the other Matthews

NFL/NBA

more to come! check the first masterlist for more!

SOCCER/FOOTBALL

joão felix

in the sand

Christian pulisic

a blue London

Mason mount

a blue london

they want us to be

pablo gavi

fuck it, it’s fine

fake it — mini series

half past twelve

ruben dias

cookies

Jude Bellingham

the culer

FORMULA 1

pierre gasly

untitled drabble

the art of attraction (it’s always been you)

tale as old as time

charles leclerc

pains

the ways in which Charles shows you he loves you

drought

he’s just ken

feeling better

don’t go

flights to Tokyo

Lewis Hamilton

you belong with me

Carlos sainz

smooth operator

the devils on my shoulders

max verstappen

just an incident

the story of us good riddance

maybe I’m crazy

unknown

Lance stroll

like he would

room 305

the lakes

the archer

something blue

birthday bae

something new

Daniel ricciardo

Monaco lover

the ways in which Daniel shows you he loves you

to live, to learn, and to love

distraction

more of you

Oscar piastri

summer love in flicks

Silverstone

a shoey

wag

under the mistletoe

inexperienced?

nyck de vries

Japan is calling

lando norris

ruin that friendship

chef y/n

without you there’s nothing to live for

the devils on my shoulders

making the bed

orange theory

the eras

without me?

yuki tsunoda

all mine… and his too

toto wolff

love thy neighbor

Liam Lawson

you’re on your own, kid

George Russell

junipers dad

Fernando Alonso

it is a glorious sunrise

jack doohan

so what did I miss?

Logan sargeant

he’s so American

INDY CAR

pato o’ward

woodward avenue

the ways in which pato shows you he loves you

payback

something bout you

[its-time-to-write]

this is 100% self indulgent. no one asked for this except me and I have zero excuse for how it turned out. i have no defense, no witty rebuttal, no nothing. i wrote this because i wanted to, and at the very least i hope this inspires someone to write their borderline-self-insert fic and post it publicly.

this fic is set after season 3. enjoy😂

(oh now might also be a good time to mention how much I love Man City. bc it’s a lot.)

can’t hear my thoughts (i cannot hear my thoughts)

Calling Lake Como beautiful is like saying space is big. It’s true for sure, but it feels like an understatement. It’s June and the weather is absolutely gorgeous, perfect for the wedding you’re attending. It’s for two good friends of yours, and it’s going to be a party full of football royalty. You’re mostly excited to see friends who are WAGs from other teams who you’ve connected with over the past year and a half.

Oh, and you suppose it will be a nice vacation with Jamie, too.

You’re staying at a beautiful hotel that’s been open since 1910, and you swear you’ll never stay somewhere as beautiful again.

“Getting ideas for the house?” Jamie teases, and it sends a thrill down your spine with the way he refers to his house as your collective home. 

You grin as he spins you around the Suite Greta. Everything is golden, from the drapes to the pillows to the sun catching on his face.

“No,” you reply, “but maybe for a vacation home?”

Jamie laughs as he catches you up in his arms. “I could see us here in the next off-season. Not sure we’d get out much,” he muses and you wrap your arms around him as tight as they can go.

You’re here for a full week but Isaac’s wedding is only one day. You and Jamie have plans to see everyone who’s in town, as well as have some time to yourself.

“Sasha wants to go out for dinner tonight,” you tell Jamie as he unpacks his suitcase.

“Girls only, or will Jack be there?”

“Let’s see,” you hum as you scan the group chat. “Isabel said she and Erling will be there, so looks like it’s a couple’s thing. That’ll be fun, right?” you ask with just a hint of anxiety. Jamie and Jack are friends, they’ve run in the same circles for years, but you’re not sure how he’s going to feel about being outnumbered two to one, City to Richmond, at dinner.

“As long as Rodri ain’t there, I’m fucking chuffed,” he says as he lays out his suit on the bed.

“Chuffed? Is that a thing you say now?” you ask, flat on your back on the bed.

“Yep,” he replies. “I’m posh now, babe. Sorry you Americans can’t do it as well as we Brits.”

“I have it on good authority that we do it very well,” you smirk. “But I don’t think that’s something you’ll get to experience tonight. I haven’t seen Sash or Isa in ages, so we’ll probably talk for a long time and then I’ll be tired when we get back to the room.”

Jamie groans. “You’re sadistic, woman. The shit you put me through.”

You smile and remind him, “You’re the one who picked me, remember?”

—

Jamie is technically the one who picked you. You had just moved from America to London, got a temp job at a Richmond FC, and the rest is history. You don’t work at Richmond anymore, haven’t for a while, as you’ve been able to start your own thing in between attending matches and events and whatever else Jamie’s invited to. Being Jamie’s girlfriend is a full-time job on its own, and he definitely spoils you beyond what you’re used to. He’s the one who bought your dress for the wedding and it freaked you out just a little bit until you called Sasha (an angel, by the way) who laughed and talked you off the ledge. 

“Comes with the territory, babe. They’re just boys with more money than they know what to do with. Jack’d buy me the moon if he could figure out how. Enjoy it. It’s been a while since anyone’s seen Tartt this happy.”

So you do. You had been living together for almost a year now so you’d think that a dress wouldn’t push you over the edge, but there you go. You’re trying to be calmer about it. It’s better ever since you met Sasha and Isabel. 

You had been stuck in a room while Jamie talked to his old manager, and they had noticed your deer-in-the-headlights expression. You’re right in the middle of the two, age-wise, and from similar enough backgrounds.

“Here’s my number. Come over to my flat tomorrow for brunch. We’ll get you settled, babes,” Sasha had said. You went and it had been amazing to finally make real friends, even if they were technically on the opposing team. 

You’re excited to see them, excited for Isaac to finally get married, and excited to spend a full seven days with Jamie by your side. It’s going to be the best.

—

You enter the venue arm-in-arm with Jamie, practically dancing across the grass. The sun’s shining and there are all sorts of people you know and love. It feels a little surreal to be here. 

Earlier, back in the room, you had slipped into your dress carefully to avoid getting makeup stains on the front. The skirt fell just at your knees and puffed out ever so slightly, with thick straps instead of regular sleeves so you could fully enjoy the warm weather. 

“Do a spin,” he had said, voice full of glee. You’d acquiesced, twirling around to let the blue tile print billow out before he caught you, kissing your shoulder so as not to ruin your makeup. 

Now, you’re holding onto him and trying not to wrinkle his linen suit when you hear someone shout your name. 

“Sasha!” you screech, running toward her as best you can with your shoes on the grass. You squeeze each other into a tight hug, uncaring about about the state of her hot pink dress. 

“Hey man,” Jack says to Jamie, who grins and shakes his hand. “You’d think they haven’t seen each other in fucking ages.”

“It’s been twelve hours,” you say. “And before that it’s been like two months. Anyway, don’t you two have some football to discuss or something? Or headbands? Or-”

“Really short socks,” Sasha helpfully supplies. 

Jamie shakes his head. “Fuck off, Attwood.”

“Fuck you, Tartt,” she replies. 

“Oi, you two wouldn’t even be friends if it weren’t for me. You could be a little nicer,” Jamie says. 

“Oh is that Hughes?” Jack asks before either Sasha or Jamie can escalate. Their entire friendship is based off sniping one another and neither you nor Jack are particularly in the mood for it today. 

Jamie turns to look. “Oh mint, looks like things are starting. You saved us seats?”

“Yeah, with Haaland and Isabel,” Sasha returns, linking her arm through yours. “C’mon, did you get yourself a parasol?”

—

It’s the most beautiful wedding you’ve ever been to. Stella looks stunning in her gown, Isaac stoically sobs his eyes out while Colin surreptitiously hands him a tissue. Even Roy seems to be having a good time, but then again Keeley once told you that he “really fucking loves weddings.” You hadn’t believed her, but his lips are in a straight line instead of a frown so maybe she was right. 

There’s a group of City and Richmond players together, and it’s a little strange to see how friendly they are off the pitch. Dani is explaining something with lots of hand gestures to Phil while the rest of the group jokes around. 

Sasha sneaked you and Isabel away to get drinks for yourselves and you were about to get away unnoticed when Erling caught Isabel’s arm and asked for a drink too, so now you’re ordering for your boyfriends as well as yourselves. 

You don’t really care, there’s a part of you that’s reveling in the sheer joy of being young and hot. Sue you. 

“Cosmo, please,” you say while the girls order drinks of their own. Sasha raises an eyebrow so you shrug and say, “Jamie likes what he likes.”

She rolls her eyes and scoffs “Tartt,” but it’s with the affection of an older sister so you elbow her and ask, “What did Jack want?”

She makes a face. “Heineken. He also likes what he fuckin’ likes.” 

You wheeze out a laugh as Isabel comes to join you. She smiles as she sips from something lavender colored in a martini glass. She cuts an elegant figure in her yellow, billowy dress. You smooth your dress and open your mouth to say something when a voice calls your name. You look to see your ex walking up, hand-in-hand with his wife. You know, the one he left you for. 

“Jake,” you say in surprise. God, you need your brain to form coherent thoughts right now. “What are you doing here?”

He grins, far too wide and goofy to be real. Not like Jamie, you think. 

“Oh, you know, Emma’s loosely related to the bride on her dad’s side. She asked for an invite, so here we are. Who are you here for? Bride or groom?”

“Both, actually,” you reply automatically. Jake’s words are grating, not so much in content as they are in tone. He always had a way of saying things condescendingly, like everyone else was a stupid little kid. 

“Oh,” he says in what you think is supposed to be surprise, “that’s funny. I didn’t know you knew anyone out here. You’ve been living in England all alone, right?”

Emma just hovers by Jake’s shoulder. She’s not contributing anything to this conversation except a snooty little smirk. 

“No,” you say. “I’m not alone. This is Isabel, by the way.” You look around for Sasha, but she’s disappeared. Smart girl. 

Isa doesn’t extend her hand. “Nice to meet you,” she says and Jake takes her at her word. He puffs up his chest a little bit as he asks, “Where are you from? You don’t sound British.”

“We’re from Norway,” a voice behind her says. “I’m Erling.”

Sasha has reappeared with Jack, Erling, and Jamie in tow. You mentally congratulate her with a well done, Sash as you feel Jamie’s arm loop around your waist. 

He feels like a solid wall against your back, a glimmer in an otherwise garbage moment. 

Jake takes stock of the three men who are looking at him with less-than friendly stares. You’re not sure what Sasha told them, but you’re absolutely positive Jamie recognizes Jake. You can practically feel the hairs on his arm bristling. 

Jake finishes his assessment and deems it appropriate to talk. “So, how do you all know each other?”

Jamie scoffs and looks away, while Jack stares at Jake like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. 

You wonder what it is with your affinity for J-names. 

“We’re footballers,” Erling says before anyone can take more offense. 

“Premier League footballers,” Jamie adds, as if it means anything to Jake. 

Jake’s American, like you, and he’s never been much for sports anyway. He wouldn’t even recognize David Beckham if the man were standing under a poster of himself. 

Jake says, “Right. Hey, weren’t you on one of those trashy dating shows?” and Jamie stiffens. 

Sasha mutters, “Fuck’s sake,” under her breath as Erling and Isabel take pointed interest in something in the distance.  

“No,” Jamie replies shortly. “The fuck were you talking to my girl?”

Jake looks to you in surprise. “Oh! You two are together? That’s… well, that’s… I guess I just didn’t expect her to be whoring around like that. But hey, move to another country and all morals go out the window, right?”

That’s the thing about Jake. He never speaks as if he’s actually trying to be offensive. He just says what’s on his mind. And you’re a little concerned that what’s on his mind is going to land Jamie (and quite possible Jack) in jail. Neither of them are especially known for backing down from a squabble. “Cut from the same cloth,” Pep was rumored to say. 

“Fuck off, mate,” Jack interjects. “Just fuck off. Everyone here loves her, and you can’t talk about her like that.”

Your ex reevaluates the situation at hand and decides the best thing to do would be to take Emma’s hand and walk away. 

“Strange that his wife does not speak,” Erling remarks. 

You grimace. “You could’ve stopped at ‘strange.’ No idea what I ever saw in him.”

Jamie has a crushing grip on your waist so you wiggle a bit to get him to loosen up. 

“Prick,” he mutters. “How the fuck did he even get here, anyway? He’s in fucking America.”

“His wife’s loosely related to Stella. They asked for an invite,” Isabel volunteers. 

Jamie rolls his eyes. “Oi, if he tries to talk to you again, I’ll grab Roy and we’ll fucking kill him.”

“Yeah, ‘cause McAdoo’s never been above a little violence at a party,” Jack grins. 

You return his smile and say, “Thanks, but I’m pretty sure his mother-in-law would kill you.”

Erling huffs out a laugh. “Never a dull moment in the Premier League, is there?”

Isabel grins and loops her arm through his. “I’m tired of all this,” she says.  “Let’s go dancing. There’s a band and we don’t have to think about anything other than celebrating, yes?”

“God yes,” says Sasha.

Jamie still looks murderous, but you squeeze his hand once and whisper, “I’m fine, babe. It’s fine.”

He looks like he wants to argue, but he lets you pull him along to the dance floor with the group.

— 

There are so many people that you don’t even catch a glimpse of Jake and Emma. You’re not sure what they’re up to, and fairly certain they don’t know anyone else here. You on the other hand, are living your best life as Jamie sings along to “Ain’t No Mountain.” He’s swinging your arms around as he sways in time to the music. You just let him lead you however he wants. The song ends and he presses his lips to your ear so you can hear him over the sheer volume of everyone talking. “D’you want a drink? I can go get you something.”

You nod and mouth my usual, please, so he salutes and begins weaving his way through the crowd. You watch him as long as you can before spinning back around with a smile.

A smile that quickly fades when you realize Emma is right in front of you.

She says, “Cute dress,” and for a moment, you believe she’s being sincere but then she follows it up with, “Did you borrow it from your grandma’s closet? I’ve seen people do that.” 

Right, because grandmas are known for wearing dresses like this. 

“What? No, Jamie got it for me,” you say. 

“Oh cute, is it from Walmart? I think I saw something like it there last week.”

Emma is trying to draw blood. You suppose she’s taking her shot now as opposed to back then because she thinks there’s no one around to call her out. No one who knows her. 

You say, “They don’t have Walmart here,” instead of “It’s Dolce & Gabbana,” because the second phrase would make you sound like a prick. There’s a part of you that wants to be a prick, though, wants to channel that part of Jamie that’s ruthless, vicious and cruel, messing with the opposition before he cuts them down. 

The first time you saw it, it was hard to believe the Jamie on the pitch was the same Jamie who played with your hair while you cooked, or put a sticky note on his fridge titled “Babe,” detailing everything you’d ever said you liked. 

Emma sees she’s not getting to you, so she changes tactics. “Must be hard being here without any friends,” she remarks. “All alone. And you’ve never been especially extraverted. Are those people the only ones here you know?”

God, Jamie, where are you?

You open your mouth to respond but are cut off by someone with a distinctly midwestern twang say, “I heard one of my favorite countrywomen was here.”

You turn to see Ted Lasso grinning at you in a black suit. It’s the same smile you remember, albeit his eyes are a little sharp. You’d bet anything he knows exactly what’s going on between you and Emma. 

“Ted!” you smile as a rush of relief floods your system. You step into his arms for a hug as he says, “Hey, sweetheart. How’ve you been?”

“Oh, you know,” you say. “Kind of great, actually. I wondered if you were going to be here! Have you seen Jamie yet?”

Ted shakes his head. “Y’know, I haven’t. Why don’t we find him together?” He offers you an arm and you take it gratefully, choosing not to spare Emma a glance.

“She seems like a real bucket of laughs,” Ted remarks.

“You have no idea. That’s my ex’s wife.”

Whatever Ted thought you were going to say, he certainly wasn’t prepared for that. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before settling on a short, “Well I’ll be danged.”

You laugh and stand on tiptoes to try to see Jamie. You don’t see him, but you catch a glimpse of an especially tall, blond head.

“This way,” you tell Ted. You brush past Phil who smiles at you, past Colin and Michael, and past someone you’re pretty sure is a Beckham.

You make your way to Erling and Isabel as they dance to the music in their own corner.

You frown. “Have you seen Jamie?” you shout. 

Isabel shakes her head. “He was looking for you,” she calls back.

“Oh,” you say, “Ted, this is Isabel and-”

“Erling Haaland,” Ted says, hand outstretched. “Pleasure to meet you, son. Big fan of the way you play the game.”

You miss Erling’s response, startled by a hand on your shoulder. You turn to see Sam standing behind you.

“Sam!” you exclaim with a grin, “You look so handsome!”

Sam returns your grin and strikes a pose. “I’ve been sent on a very important mission. I am to retrieve you and bring you to Jamie and I am under no circumstances allowed to let a small rat man named Jake speak to you.”

You raise an eyebrow. 

“Jamie’s words, not mine,” Sam clarifies. “Although I must admit, I have seen this rat man. I do not like him very much.”

“You and me both,” you agree. You wave to Isabel and pat Ted on the arm before following Sam.

He leads you away from the crowd of people to a stone path illuminated by small lights. This can’t be right, you think but Sam points down the path and says, “This is where I leave you.”

He turns to leave then changes his mind and spins back around. “It was lovely seeing you today, albeit for a short amount of time. I hope I will be seeing more of you while we are here. It is not often I meet someone who makes Jamie more tolerable.”

He speaks with a touch of humor and it’s just enough to dispel any apprehensions about what’s waiting for you in the dark. 

You say, “Thanks Sam. Love ya,” which he returns before he disappears back to the main party.

You take a breath and head down the steps.

It’s dark, the light barely shining enough for each step, but as you get farther you see a shadowy figure sitting on a bench under a tree. You smile. You can tell exactly who it is by his silhouette.

Jamie stands as you get closer and pulls you into his arms.

“Thought we’d sneak away to make out a bit,” he says. “And maybe to you wouldn’t yell at me in front of all our friends.”

You groan. “What did you do? Please tell me it has nothing to do with Roy. Or Jack. Oh my god, did you two start convincing people you were separated at birth again? Because it’s really only funny one time.”

“Well…” Jamie hedges.

You pinch his back. It’s the only part of him you can reach at the moment. “Jamie Tartt, you’d better tell me what you did right now or so help me you are going to be sleeping on the couch for the rest of our lives.”

“Oi, don’t fucking do that!”

He reaches back to grab your hands and holds them flat on his chest. “We- Roy, Grealish, and me, might have gotten your prick ex kicked out.”

“You what?” you gasp.

Jamie starts speaking in a rush before you can say anything else. “Look, y’know how protective Grealish gets, especially because Sasha fucking loves you, and then Roy heard that your prick ex was here (not the twat ex) and he said it’s easier for him to get in and out of fights on account of him being a fucking manager but then Grealish said that it’s pretty much expected that fights happen so might as well and anyway, no one’s gonna fuckin’ snitch on any of us because (hate to break it to you babe), but you’re, like, everyone’s kid sister. They’d fucking kill for you so it’s possible that we channeled that into threatening to break all of his bones if he ever ended up in the same country as you again.”

You’re processing all of the things Jamie said plus the incredible speed at which he said them, so all you can manage is a single “Okay,” before he’s talking again.

“Ehm, it’s also slightly-fucking-possible that someone did break his foot.”

“What?” you all but shout.

“Coordinated effort between Isa and Haaland,” Jamie says. “Lad’s a fucking wall, don’t know if you’ve noticed.”

“Jesus, Jamie,” you groan. “I don’t know if I should kiss you or pinch you again.”

“You can do both,” he suggests.

You sigh. “I’m going to kiss you. Like, a lot. And I’m not going to worry about getting caught and after we’ve snogged like a pair of kids in high school- sorry, secondary school, then we’re going to eat a bunch more food and dance with our friends. And if you want to get sloshed, I promise I will only take funny videos for myself, and I will not send them to your mum this time.”

Jamie says, “Liar,” as he kisses the tip of your nose.

“Fine,” you concede, “I will most definitely send them to your mum. And Simon. We’re on a group chat.”

“Not even gonna fucking ask,” Jamie says as he threads a hand through your hair so he can get at a better angle to kiss you.

—

You wake up the next morning (ahem, afternoon) to Jamie’s foot in your face.

“Excuse me, sir,” you say.

He hiccups himself awake. “Yeah?” he rumbles. “What fucking time..?”

“Late, I assume,” you say.

He groans and flips himself around so your heads are on the same side of the bed. He wastes no time in tangling your limbs together.

“Oi, koala boy. Some of us have morning breath.”

“No y’don’t babe,” he mumbles.

You scratch his head and a shudder runs through his body. “I know,” you say, “my breath is perfect. I meant you. I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“Cruel woman,” he returns before lapsing into silence. The sun slips through the curtains, and you’re sure it’s going to be another gorgeous day

“Jamie,” you begin then stop.

He says, “Yeah, love?” while looking up at you with his gorgeous blue eyes and you take a moment to freeze this image in your head. 

Jamie Tartt, in bed, hair tousled from sleep. Pillowy white duvet, golden freckled skin, warm body pressed to yours.

He kisses your shoulder, rousing you from your thoughts. 

“Jamie,” you say again, “I wanted to say-”

“Don’t,” he interjects. “You’re not fucking allowed to say thank you for the bare fucking minimum.”

“But it’s not,” you reply, opting to skate over the fact that he apparently can read your mind. “Bare minimum is like, making sure I’m not alone with him, not getting your friends together to scare him off and break his foot.”

Jamie’s been kissing your skin wherever he can reach as you speak, so his words are interspersed with pecks. “Technically, the foot was an accident. Ask any one of our witnesses. And besides, they’re your friends too. You’re the one who got ‘em all to like ya despite the fact we’re mortal enemies on the pitch.”

“You’re the one who goes tanning with Jack,” you remind him.

“Lies told by the press,” Jamie grumbles. “This is my natural sexy glow.”

You say, “Okay little British boy,” as Jamie decides that his current position is not enough and he wants to lay on top of you.

He says something but his face is buried in the crook of your neck, so all you can feel is vibrations.

You ask, “Hm?” so he lifts his head.

“What if it were us next year?”

“Tanning or breaking feet?”

“Getting married.”

Jamie goes back to having his mouth on your neck as if the air weren’t just punched from your lungs.

You’re quiet long enough that he lifts his head again to ask, “Is that good quiet or bad quiet?”

“Good!” you hastily confirm. “Good, but, babe- you haven’t even asked me yet.”

He says, “I’m going to,” as if you should have known already. 

“Okay,” you breathe, “can you give me like a little heads up or something so my nails are done?”

“Uh-huh,” he says, “At the end of the week. Been planning it. Ring’s in my bag, even asked Stella if she’d be pissed that it’s the same week she took on the most un-sexy last name in history. She said she don’t give a shit as long as it’s not at her actual wedding. So.”

“I love you,” you tell him. “Not just because of yesterday or right now. I just think you’re great.”

“I am great, babe,” he says like it’s obvious. “Picked you, didn’t I?”

You crack a smile. “Alright, that’s enough out of you. Do you want to get out of bed or go back to sleep?”

“Sleep,” he replies immediately. 

“Thank God,” you groan, “I didn’t want to move. You’re like a weighted blanket.”

“It’s me sexy muscles,” Jamie says. You wiggle under him to get more comfortable.

“Uh huh,” you agree, but the words are hardly out of your mouth before you’re both back to sleep.

[marleneoftheopera]

Holiday Audio/Video Gifts!

For the holiday season, here are some audio gifts from various shows and one Phantom video! The link to them is here and the info is below the cut:

Happy holidays and I hope you are all having time for some rest!

Audios

POTO

Jon Robyns, Paige Blankson, Joe Griffiths-Brown, Kelly Glyptis, Matt Harrop, Adam Linstead, Francesca Ellis, David Kristopher Brown, Maiya Hikasa August 22, 2023; London

Tim Howar, Harriet Jones, Nadim Naaman, Lara Martins, Nicholas Garrett, Arvid Larsen, John Ellis, Valerie Cutko, Kelsi Boyden March 19, 2023; Greece

Josh Piterman, Corinne Cowling (u/s), Danny Whitehead, Katy Hanna (u/s), Ross Dawes, Kris Manuel (u/s), Sophie Caton (u/s), Paul Ettore Tabone, Georgia Ware October 17, 2019; London ​Matinee.

Jeremy Stolle (u/s), Samantha Hill, Greg Mills (u/s), Michele McConnell, Richard Poole (u/s), Tim Jerome, Ellen Harvey, Christian Sebek, Kara Klein, Scott Mikita (u/s) March 9, 2013; Broadway Matinee performance.

John Owen-Jones, Deborah Dutcher, Matthew Cammelle, Bruce Montague, Charles Shirvell, Margaret Mary Kane (u/s), Janet Murphy, Jeremy Secomb, Lucy Middleton January 5, 2002; London

Love Never Dies

Tam Mutu, Celia Graham, David Thaxton, Daniel Dowling August 25, 2011; London Tam Mutu's last performance.

Les Miserables

Christopher Jacobsen (u/s Jean Valjean), Stewart Clarke (Javert), Katie Hall (Fantine), Will Callan (Marius), Lulu-Mae Pears (Cosette), Amena El-Kindy (Eponine), Luke Kempner (Thenardier), Claire Machin (Madame Thenardier), Dejan Van der Flyert (Enjolras), Alex Shaw (Gavroche), Clohe Sullivan (Little Cosette), Tom Hext (Grantaire/Majordomo), Adam Pearce (Bishop/Claquesous), Ellie Ann Lowe (Factory Girl), Jordan Simon Pollard (u/s Foreman/Bujon), Matt Dempsey (Bamatabopis/Lesgles), Annabelle Aquino, Hazel Baldwin, Emily Olive Boyd, Ben Culleton, Matt Hayden, Sam Kipling, Anouk Van Lake, Harry Lake, Ben Oatley, Jonathan Stevens, Phoebe Williams, Ollie Wray September 28, 2023; London 15,000th show in London and the 5th show for the new company.

Sunset Boulevard

Nicole Scherzinger (Norma), Tom Francis (Joe Gillis), David Thaxton (Max von Mayerling), Grace Hodgett Young (Betty Shaefer), Ahmed Hamaad (Artie), Tyler Davis (Sheldrake), Charlotte Jaconelli (Johanna), Jon Tsouras (Cecil B. de Mille) September 28, 2023; London

Rebecca

Laureen Jones (I), Richard Carson (Maxim de Winter), Kara Lane (Mrs Danvers), Sara Harlington (Beatrice), Neil Moor (Giles), Piers Bate (Frank Crewley), David Breeds (Ben), Alex James Ward (Jack Favell), Shrley Jameson (Mrs Van Hopper), Nicholas Lumley (Colonel Julian) September 27, 2023; Off-West End

POTO Video

Ian Jon Bourg, Olivia Safe (u/s), Kyle Gonyea 2001; Hamburg, Germany VOB files. One of the most legendary Phantom's opposite one of the youngest Christine's!

[9w1ft]

hey so i was looking at some of your old posts and saw that you mentioned that karlie and taylor were actually neighbours/lived close during quarantine, could you break down the timeline a bit for me? i wasn't a kaylor then so now i'm interested how/where did they spend time in 2020/2021

thanks for the question, anon!

i’m going to try to keep this as a summary and i won’t be getting too technical with my language or submitting anything that can’t be figured out by watching interviews, googling stuff, and scrolling instagram. people can add stuff in the comments if they’d like.

okay so, basically, at the start of quarantine in the US, march 2020, karlie documented herself being in upstate new york (bedford area, specifically) along with josh, mikey, and misha at this rental property they have often been seen at over the years. so the basic concept is that this was her quarantine pod.

it is worth noting that after folklore was released in july 2020 and we got the visuals and subsequent interviews for the album, that we learned that taylor shot the photoshoot and video content in upstate new york, spending time at blake and ryan’s place, shooting stuff at a place located in lewisboro (not blake and ryan’s place iirc), which is located right by bedford. adjacent towns. connected by the same lakes ponds and forests (pound ridge). so she would have been there in upstate new york where karlie was sometime before album release in july, and it would have had to have been early enough so as to be able to send the artwork for the folklore physicals to print.

but deduction aside, taylor did not really document herself being anywhere until may, where she did her “biiig isolation” instagram post from goldwyn mansion in beverly hills california. however in a subsequent rolling stone interview taylor says that she and william bowery were “stuck in LA” at the beginning of the pandemic. and we also have been told that she reached out to aaron dessner in april about recording music, and in the long pond studio sessions movie, it is implied in the conversation she has with jack and aaron that she stayed in california until around august before meeting up with them at long pond. folklore was still finished when she was in LA. when taylor was in upstate new york remains a mystery iirc but we can say between april and july.

back to karlie… in mid june, karlie posted to instagram from the puck building apartment, saying she was on her way out west to be close to family. then she starts putting out klossy vlog content from a rental property located in california, and around july her and josh are papped around santa monica. iirc misha was seen at the same house seen in the klossy vlogs? she posts a lot from california, she attends and documents going to a protest in LA as well. so we have a general idea of when she was there.

at the end of 2020, we get articles saying karlie and josh have been revealed as the buyers of the many arched, echoey miami mansion, and articles say that the property was sold “over the summer” so at some point karlie moves out of the california rental. in the back half of the year karlie is sort of obscuring where she is and what she posts so it’s hard to be certain exactly when she was where, but we later get an explanation for this because soon enough we learn that she has been hiding the fact that she’s carrying. but we do know from some of her adidas photo shoots that she did spend some amount of time back in nyc. once she makes the announcement, the focus of karlie’s posting shifts to the florida(!!), which becomes positioned as her main location for the duration of the year, through levi being born in march 2021, and the newborn haze period of it all.

taylor is less consistent with showing off her locations during late 2020 and 2021 but the general swiftie lore is that she spent time in london and nyc? she didn’t make many appearances (covid was still very much running the world) but there were the grammys, she was doing stuff for red tv, announcing red tv at the end of september and releasing it in november, filming and then promoting the all too well short film, the i bet you think about me mv was shot in la iirc, and such.

as the pandemic became a part of everyday life and the world adjusted to the new normal, both taylor and karlie began varying their locations again, and it’s been a mix of things again ever since. but this 2020 period is so interesting to me, given how things played out, how they were in similar locations at noteworthy times, and in locations that taylor went on to feature visually and lyrically in her work— folkevermore and red tv, ttpd and arguably the eras tour visuals for the opening and closing lover and midnights segments, if you are inclined to see the parallels in the arches as seen in the miami property etc.

anyway lmfao and i still consider this to be a summary!!

[hockeyandhrsepwr]

Always You

Quinn Hughes x reader

** I had a bunch of ideas for this but didnt want it to be too long. Enjoy:) **

-> gif from Pinterest

You and Quinn had been close friends since childhood, with his family moving a street over from yours in Toronto. Being in the grade between Jack & Quinn, you ended up around them lots, walking to school together & playing outside whenever the boys weren’t playing hockey.

Hell, Jack was your first kiss during a party when you were 13, egged up by your mutual friends and a game of truth or dare. But it was always Quinn.

From as early as you can remember, you’d crushed on the older boy. There was something about him that had always drawn you to him. Brushing it off as nothing more than a childhood crush, you didn’t do anything, until it was too late. One day you’re chilling in their basement, trying to figure out how to tell one of your best friends that you really like him, next thing you know, Quinn’s telling you he’s going to Michigan for the National Development program for the next two years.

It was tough seeing him go, and you cried hard when you said goodbye, but keeping in touch wasn’t a problem. You still had Jack and Luke who were basically your brothers by that point, & Quinn came back to Toronto when he had breaks, the few that there were. After your 16th birthday rolled around the March after he left, and you got your licence, you took your shitty, beat up old car (and Jack) and made the trip down to surprise Quinn one weekend.

Two years flew by, & despite his hectic schedule and all his new friends and experiences, your friendship stayed strong and you talked almost every day. You even went to his prom with him, where some prodding from Brady led him to tell you that he was in love with you. A long conversation later, he finally kissed you and asked if you would be his girlfriend.

The two of you knew it would be hard, with him heading to Michigan in the fall and then on to the NHL while you still had another year of high school and then University. But you were determined to make it work. and honestly, nothing much changed. You already talked everyday & hung out when he was back in Toronto, dating just meant that the two of you snuck off more to spend time without Jack or Luke, and you made a trip out to the lake house that summer.

That summer brought another bittersweet goodbye, as the Hughes family made the move down to Michigan when Jack started in the program. On one hand, you were losing your second family, on the other now you would always have someone to stay with if you wanted to visit Quinn. And visit you did.

Your grade 12 year was hard academically, but you worked your butt off to be able to have one weekend a month where you would hop in your car & jam out for a few hours while making the drive down to see Quinn. Your family had moved closer to London because of your Dads new job, so your drive was only 3 hours instead of the 5ish from Toronto. Your parents didnt love you driving cross border, but they were glad that Ellen & Jim were around when you were there.

The visits were timed for home game weekends and you finished classes at noon, so you’d drive down Friday afternoon & be there when jack & the boys got out of school so you could hang out with them for a bit, drive in to Ann Arbour to watch the game & then spend the rest of your evening with Quinn in his dorm. Friday nights weren’t too crazy because the boys had another game Saturday.

Saturdays were spent catching up with the rest of the Hughes and exploring with Quinn before another game and parties afterwards. Sundays brought goodbyes and promises of see you soon before you’d head home in the afternoon. It was difficult but you wouldn’t change it for anything.

At the same time, you were applying to universities & waiting anxiously to hear back. You applied all over the country, but your heart was set on one. UBC had been your dream school for as long as you could remember. It was where your parents studied, where they fell in love, and had some of the best programs in the world. You had worked your ass off for the last three years to be able to apply early decision to their Commerce program, and if you get in, there’s was no question of where you were going.

Quinn was declaring for the draft that year, which brought more concern from friends and family. “What will you do if he ends up…” was a phrase you heard often over the course of the year, but your response was always “we’ll figure it out” because you knew you would.

The weekend you visited in January (2018) you finally had that conversation with Quinn. After his game Friday, you were in his room when you got the notification. UBC release early application decision. Terrified, you couldn’t bring yourself to check. As much as you wanted it you were afraid of what moving clear across the country would do for you & Quinn. You told him your fears, that the distance, time difference & uncertainty of where he’d be after he joined the league, coupled with you being there for four years would be too hard for the two of you.

“I’d wait my whole life for you if I had to” he told you and you believed him without a shadow of a doubt because you’d do the same. His reassurances made you feel better, and you opened the portal. Accepted. All those years of working had paid off, and you cried. You & Quinn would figure things out, but you were headed to your dream school and he was headed for his dream.

Within a week you had solidified your decision and were bound for Vancouver come September.

That June, you accompany him to Dallas for the draft. As things get underway you sit there, squeezing his hand. The first few picks happen and you can’t help but be relieved that he’s not headed clear across the country. He’s projected to go top ten so when Vancouver come to pick seventh, you hold your breath. Surely you wouldn’t be that lucky.

Quinn Hughes.

You don’t think you’ll ever forget the feeling that hearing his name called by the Canucks brought. He wraps you in a hug & whispers in your ear “told you it’d all work out” before hugging his brother & parents & heading down to the stage. You’re so proud of him, but more than that you’re excited for what the future holds, especially with the two of you in the same city. There’s always the possibility of him being traded before he ever get to Vancouver, but you’re hopeful.

Two weeks later you’re officially a high school graduate & it’s time for summer. You split your time between your home in London & visiting the Hughes lake house, spending as much time with all your friends and family as you can before heading off to Vancouver. Quinn heads back to Michigan for his sophomore year & you head west.

That year was hard, really hard. Being away from your family for the first time, you and Quinn struggling to find time to talk to each other and the time difference meaning accidental calls in the middle of the night, all balanced with your classes and trying to get involved on campus, late nights in the library, pressure from your new friends to go out with them, missing everyone and an overwhelming amount of assignments leads you to a breakdown first semester.

It hurts Quinn that he can’t be there to hold you as you sob on the phone, but the five hour flight between Detroit & Vancouver is just too much. He knows that your relationship is putting extra strain on you, but he can’t even fathom breaking up or taking a break because that would break him. Slowly you’re able to sort your head out, and as your first semester draws to a close you’re doing much better and have a handle on things.

Excited to see your family and Quinn, you jump on the first flight you can after finishing your finals, bound for Toronto. You were heading home to London and Quinn planned on coming up for a bit since he saw his family pretty often, but then he was chosen for the World Juniors squad. Thankfully it was in Buffalo, so you celebrate christmas, and on the 26th make the drive down. Youre able to spend a week there, cheering Quinn on & hanging out with Ellen & Luke.

It’s during this week that Quinn tells you that he’s signing with the Canucks at the end of the Michigan season.

You needed the break & went into your second semester feeling strong and more confident in your ability to manage everything. Winter in Vancouver is fairly mild and soon enough, Reading Week arrives in February. Many of your friends are heading south for a bit of sun, but you head to Detroit. Michigan have back to back home weekends and Jack’ll be around too.

During the week you spend time with Quinn, working on assignments while he’s in class & just enjoying time together, also visiting the Hughes household and hanging out with Jack & his friends there. Sunday you fly back to Vancouver, ready to finish out your semester.

A few weeks later you get the call. It’s official, Quinn’s coming to Vancouver. You borrow a friends car & are waiting for him at the airport. You’d think it’d been months if you’d seen your reunion in the arrivals area of the airport, not mere weeks.

Quinns thrown right into the Canucks and the adjustment to the pros is hard, but knowing you’re only 20 minutes away makes it easier for him. You spend as much time together as you can, with you acting as tour guide & showing him around your favourite spots in the city.

Your friends don’t understand how you don’t miss him too much when the team goes on road trips, but two years into your relationship & you’re finally in the same city for an extended period of time & can see him mostly whenever you want so a week or two apart doesn’t phase you.

You get close to the team, always Quinns date to functions & occasionally spotted around the arena. Petey becomes a good friends of yours since he’s rooming with Quinn & you spend enough time in their apartment.

Many of the fans & people online come to know you as “Quinn’s girl”. Any home game you’re right behind the bench, cheering your heart out for the Canucks and chirping the opposing team (especially if its Ottawa. Brady & Josh hate playing in Vancouver because of you.) Once Jack gets to the NHL ooh boy. That man knows no peace when the Devils play Vancouver. It’s one of the only away games you ever go to (if they play in Jersey) mainly because you get to see the rest of the fam.

I mean you grew up in Toronto & around these boys. You couldn’t not take an interest in hockey. At that point you know someone on every team through Quinn & spend your time terrorizing them when they’re at Rogers. The fans absolutely love it though. Hell, half of your friends are hockey fans now, forced to watch games when the Canucks are away or Jack and Luke play.

The two of you spend summers back east, between working, visiting family & days at the lake. You’re able to get internships that are remote so you could still work on your career plans but enjoy your summers , and by the end of your third summer you have a job offer from a firm in Vancouver. Fourth year brings lots of fun & final memories with your college friends before you all split off to different parts of the country.

The end of Quinns third year in the league comes at the same time as your graduation. His family & yours come out and Quinn drags a bunch of the team with him too. When your name gets called out, that section is by far the loudest of the day.

Your friends are convinced that he’s going to propose that weekend. In fact, many of them are surprised that you aren’t already engaged, you’ve been together for 5 years at this point, but both of you are still young. You have had the conversation, but you know that you’re going to be together forever so the timeline isn’t that important.

What he does ask you that weekend, is to move in with him. You’ve spent the last 3 years living with your friends close to campus while Quinn’s been living downtown near the arena. It’s an obvious yes, especially since you spend almost every night there when he’s home anyway. You spend the week with your families and move into a new apartment, excited for what’s coming next.

Living together isn’t seamless, but you & Quinn make it work. The beginning is difficult, not having your own space but soon you fit into each others lives easily. You work during the week & go to games if they’re at home, you spend time exploring new areas around the city & nearby & you fall more in love with Quinn every day.

He brings you coffee in bed each morning because he’s up for workouts, date nights at home cooking dinner and lots of fun over the summers with family & friends. Winter trips to the mountains when you can and fall in the city, you usually separate in the heart of summer since you can’t take that long off & he’ll head to Michigan but it doesn’t phase you.

Which brings you to today. It’s late April & its been two years since you moved in together. Quinns killing it for the Canucks, breaking records & their season has just ended, you’ve just been promoted and life is going well.

The city is coming more alive as winter’s on its way out, you're getting ready to take a few weeks break & head east to see both of your families. Luke has made his NHL debut & the Devils have made the playoffs so you’re going to cheer your boys on.

You’re making dinner when you hear the front door open & Quinn comes through the door after final team meetings for this season.

“Hey babe” he comes up behind you and gives you a kiss before heading into your bedroom to shower & change. You pour another glass of wine as you stir the pot, your go to playlist on with a mix of soft pop, indie and chill country coming through the speaker. Ten minutes later Quinn comes back out & you hold up a spoon for him to taste the sauce.

“Few more minutes” you say as he tastes it & he nods. “Delicious”

The two of you stand there at the stove, his arms around your waist as he sings along with the music softly & you sway. A few minutes later, the song Never seen anything quite like you starts & Quinn reaches over & turns off the stove.

He pulls you towards your living room and you laugh as he pulls you into a high school style dance where you just sway & shuffle in a circle.

The song plays in the the background as you stare up into Quinns eyes and he sings along, more grateful than ever that you found him. The love you have for this man knows no bounds and he’s still giving you butterflies & making you feel giddy with just a look after seven years.

He sings along with the song and you feel every word in your soul.

I think I want you more than want

I know I need you more than need

I want to hold you more than hold

When you stood in front of me

I think you know me more than know

And you see me more than see

I could die now more than die

Every time you look at me

Well I've seen you in jeans with no make-up on

And I've stood there in awe as your date for the prom

But then he switches it up

“I’d be blessed as a man to see you in white”

Wait what?

he pulls away and sinks to one knee in front of you, and your hand comes up to your mouth. Reaching into his pocket, he takes out a gorgeous simple ring

“When I first came to Vancouver, everyone kept asking what my first big purchase was going to be. The day I signed my contract I bought this. I’ve known since I was 16 that I was in love with you. That love has only continued to grow & I want nothing more than to spend every day for the rest of my life loving you. You’re my light in the dark, the one I look for in a crowd, the only person I always want around. It’s always been you.

It’s a privilege to call you mine, but it would be an honour to call you my wife. So y/n my love, will you marry me?”

You hiccup out a yes, tears streaming down your face & you sink to your knees beside him

“I love you so much” you pull him into a kiss. He slips the ring onto your finger & pulls you to him, pressing kiss after kiss to your face. You giggle & say

“A thousand times yes, in every universe”

Xxx

Note: if you were wondering the actual lyrics are

"I'm blessed as a man to have seen you in white But I've never seen anything quite like you tonight"

[infiniteetcetera]

ACOTAR COUPLES X TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS

Bc I feel like there is much overlap in these fan bases and bc I can🤧 I tried to include most ships to be inclusive but I fear the ones I don’t like suffered (Nessians beware) ANYWAY:

Feyre X Rhysand

✨High Infidelity

[🎶Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes? Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life🎶]

✨You Are In Love

[🎶One night he wakes, strange look on his face. Pauses then says, “you’re my best friend,” and you knew what it was, he is in love.”🎶]

✨Invisible String (no one is surprised)

[🎶Time curious time cutting me open then healing me fine. Were there clues I didn’t see? And isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me🎶]

✨The Tortured Poets Department (a song about such a pretentious man can’t not be dedicated to Rhys)

[🎶Sometimes I wonder if you’re gonna screw this up with me, but you told Lucy you’d kill yourself if I ever leave, and I had said that to Jack about you so I felt seen. Everyone who knows us knows why it’s meant to be, because we’re crazy🎶]

Feyre X Tamlin

✨Loml (goes both ways tbh)

[🎶Talking rings and talking cradles, I wish I could unrecall how we almost had it all. Dancing phantoms on the terrace are they second hand embarrassed that I can’t get out of bed cause something counterfeits dead🎶]

✨You’re Losing Me

[🎶And I wouldn’t marry me either, a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her, and i’m fading thinking “Do something baby, say something”🎶]

✨Getaway Car

[🎶We were flying but we’d never get far. Don’t pretend it’s such a mystery think about the place where you first met me🎶]

✨Exile

[🎶We always walked a very thin line. You didn’t even hear me out. You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)🎶]

Nesta X Cassian

✨So it goes…

[🎶Cut me to pieces, gold cage hostage to my feelings. Back against the wall, tripping when you’re gone. Cause we break down a little but when you get me alone it’s so simple. 🎶]

✨Mr. Perfectly Fine

[🎶Mr. Every single day until the end I will be by your side, but that was when I got to know Mr. change of heart. Mr. leaves me all alone, I fall apart. It takes everything in me just to get up each day but it’s wonderful to see that you’re okay🎶]

✨Say Don’t Go

[🎶Whyd you have to make me want you? Why’d you have to give me nothing back? Why’d you have to make me love you? I said “I love you” you say nothing back 👀👀👀 🎶]

✨So Long, London

[🎶 you say I abandoned the ship, but I was going down with it, my white knuckled dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment. and my friends said it isn’t right to be scared every day of a love affair. Every breath feels like the rarest air when you’re not sure if he wants to be there🎶]

Elain X Lucien

✨Cowboy Like Me

[🎶Hustling for the good life, never thought I’d meet you here, and it could be love. We could be the way forward and I know I’ll pay for it🎶]

✨The Lakes

[🎶Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die, I don’t belong and my beloved neither do you. Those Windermere peaks look like the perfect place to cry. I’m setting off but not without my muse, not without you🎶]

✨Afterglow

[🎶I lived like an island, punished you with silence. Went off like sirens just crying. Why’d I have to break what I loved so much? It’s on your face, don’t walk away🎶]

✨ The Very First Night

[🎶I never go alone, and I don’t seem broken hearted, and my friends all say they know everything i’m going through. I drive down different roads, but they all lead back to you🎶]

Elain X Azriel

✨Guilty as Sin? (obviously, you’re not slick Sarah)

[🎶Crashing into him tonight, he’s a paradox. I’m seeing visions, am I bad? or mad? or wise? What if he’s written “mine” on my upper thigh only in my mind. One slip and falling back into the hedge maze. Oh what a way to die🎶]

✨Ivy

[🎶My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand, taking mine but it’s been promised to another. Oh, I can’t stop you putting roots in my dream land. My house of stone, your ivy grows, now i’m covered in you🎶]

✨Cardigan

[🎶You drew stars around my scars but now i’m bleeding. Cause I knew you, stepping on the last train marked me like a bloodstain. I knew you, tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy🎶]

✨Wildest Dreams

[🎶I said “no one has to know what we do” his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room. And his voice is a familiar sound. Nothing lasts forever, but this is getting good now. He’s so tall and handsome as hell. He’s so bad but he does it so well . and when we’ve had our very last kiss, my last request it is…🎶]

Gwyn X Azriel

✨So High School (i FEEL this one)

[🎶 Cheeks pink in the twinkling light, tell me about the first time you saw me. I’ll drink what you think and i’m high from smoking your jokes all damn night. The brink of a wrinkle in time, bittersweet sixteen suddenly🎶]

✨ Delicate

[🎶Sometimes when I look into your eyes, I pretend you’re mine all the damn time. Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you’re in my head? Cause I know that it’s delicate🎶]

✨Sweet Nothing

[🎶They say the end is coming. Everyone is up to something. I found myself running home to your sweet nothing. Outside they’re push and shoving, you’re in the kitchen humming. All that you’ve ever wanted from me was nothing🎶]

✨All of the Girls you’ve Loved Before

[🎶Your mother brought you up loyal and kind. Teenage love taught you there’s good in goodbye. Every woman that you knew brought you here, I want to teach you how forever feels🎶]

Nesta X Eris

✨The 1 (like, please😔)

[🎶If my wishes came true, it would have been you. In my defense I have none for never leaving well enough alone. But it would have been fun if you would have been the one🎶]

✨Peace

[🎶I never had the courage of my convictions as long as danger is near. And it’s just around the corner darling, cause it lives in me. No, I could never give you peace. But i’m a fire, and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm, if your cascade ocean wave blues come🎶]

✨Dancing with Our Hands Tied

[🎶You said there was nothing in the world that could stop us, I had a bad feeling. I knew there was no one in the world who could take it, I had a bad feeling. But we were dancing, dancing with our hands tied. Dancing like it was the first time🎶]

✨Enchanted

[🎶Your eyes whispered have we met. Across the room your silhouette starts to make its way to me. The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy, and it was enchanting to meet you🎶]

Nesta X Azriel (let me have this🙄)

✨Slut!

[🎶Everyone wants him that was my crime, the wrong place at the right time, and I break down and he’s pulling me in. In a world of boys he’s a gentleman🎶]

✨Gorgeous

[🎶You should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong. And I got a boyfriend, he’s older than us. He’s in the club doing I don’t know what. You’re so cool, it makes me hate you so much🎶]

✨Seven

[🎶Ive been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted. Your dad is always mad and that must be why. I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates, then you won’t have to cry🎶]

✨Begin Again

[🎶You pull my chair out and help me in. You don’t know how nice that is, but I do. And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid. I think it’s strange you think i’m funny cause he never did🎶]

Kallias and Viviane (i love them🤧)

✨Mary’s Song

[🎶I was seven and you were nine. I looked at you like the stars that shines in the sky, the pretty lights. And our daddies used to joke about the two of us, growing up and falling in love. and our mamas smiled and rolled their eyes🎶]

✨Timeless

[🎶And somehow I know that you and I would have found each other, in another life you still would have turned my head. Even if we’d met on a crowded street in 1944 and you were headed off to fight in the war, you still would have been mine we would have been timeless🎶]

✨The Alchemy

[🎶Cheers chanting cause they said there was no chance trying to be the greatest in the league. where’s the trophy? He just comes running over to me🎶]

✨Lover

[🎶Theres a dazzling haze a mysterious way about you dear. Have I know you twenty seconds or twenty years? Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close? Forever and ever🎶]

[dreamofstarlight]

Okay, can you determine a Taylor Swift song for each of the 9 individual Kennedy children. This is for scientific purposes. (Also it can be more than one of it’s hard to narrow it down to just one.)

Joe Jr

Epiphany

Nothing New

Jack

The Lucky One

Clara Bow

Change

Long Live

Rosemary

Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve

Mad Woman

Kick

The Lakes

The Prophecy

London Boy

But Daddy I Love Him

“Slut”

Eunice

Sweet Nothings

The Man

Pat

Champagne problems

Bobby

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me

Starlight

My Tears Ricochet

Tolerate It

Ted

Castles Crumbling

You’re Losing Me (more Joan and Ted later in their marriage)

Jean

Evermore

Bonus: Seven for all of them bc I kept going back to it and thinking of where to put it but I think it could fit for all of them in some way. Esp for the bridge

[adventure-showdown]

What is your favourite Doctor Who story?

ROUND 4 MASTERPOST

synopses and propaganda under the cut

The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances

Synopsis

Chasing a metallic object through the Time Vortex, the Ninth Doctor and his companion, Rose Tyler, arrive in London during the Blitz. While Rose meets "Captain Jack Harkness", the dashing Time Agent responsible for bringing the object, the Doctor finds a group of homeless children terrorised by Jamie, an "empty" child wearing a gas mask.

Propaganda no propaganda submitted  

Under the Lake/Before the Flood

Synopsis

Arriving on an underwater base under attack, it's up to the Twelfth Doctor and Clara to save the frightened crew. But also onboard is an alien spaceship, and the base is being haunted by the most impossible of things.

The Doctor's deepest beliefs are challenged when he encounters something he cannot explain. Can it really be possible? Can ghosts be real?

Propaganda no propaganda submitted

[tvmigraine]

Random Doctor Who RPG Facts about the Paternoster era

A possible Time Lord is still alive in Victorian England. Running the Diogenes Club is Dame Regina Smythe. The club itself is able to change size, miraculously gain rooms and have its interiors change on a whim, making it appear as a TARDIS. The game suggests they could be a Time Lord who's been chameleon arch'd, but I like the idea that it's an incarnation of the Doctor.

The Artful Dodger was a real person - specifically, they were Sam Swift the Quick (The Woman Who Lived). He isn't immortal but he ages at an incredibly slow pace (basically making him Jack Harkness). He looks after street urchins called "The Raggedy Children" while continuing to do crimes.

There is a giant Labyrinth underneath London. One suggested theory is that it's a dying TARDIS, due to its ability to traverse through history when travelling through it.

Madame Vastra and the Doctor both stopped a Krynoid Pod from hatching in London.

Ada Gillyflower (The Crimson Horror) has her own K-9. Their K-9 is an actual dog that's telepathic.

The political history of Who is further complicated by a wholly new Prime Minister for London - his name is Nathan Fairfield.

There is a female splinter of Scaroth. Her name is Scarlett Valentin and she is both an actress and opera singer hailing from Paris. The book states that she stole her skin from a prostitute in order to specifically appear young and healthy.

A splinter of Clara works for Torchwood - her name is Rhona Austen. It is suggested that she was only recruited as bait for the Doctor, but she is said to be a capable Torchwood member.

Jackson Lake's TARDIS (Tethered Aerial Release, Developed In Style) is available for aerial rides above London. It is now a business run by a brother-sister duo called Henry and Charlotte.

The Silence are a threat in London - specifically there is one called The Revenant Reverand, who uses his position hiding in a church to place suggestions into people's minds.

One of the main plotline hooks they offer is continuing the adventures of Victoria Waterfield, exploring what she did after leaving the TARDIS. It is not what I expected in this book.

Saving my favourite pint for last... there is a Dalek hiding in the criminal underworld called "The Napoleon of Crime". He was pulled out of the Time War following the events of The Evil of the Daleks and is trying to return to the TIme War. After acquiring Cyberman technology (The Next Doctor), he uses it to try and build a Time Corridor and get back into the Time War.

He has two lieutenants - the first is Mister Steele, a partially converted Cyberman who's fighting against his programming. Because of that programming, he is still planning to build a new Cyber-King and convert London, but fights against this so he can remain loyal to Napoleon. The second lieutenant is Miss Lovelace, a clockwork robot that is almost fully human that is entirely devised to be a rival to Steele, all for Napoleon's continued entertainment.

Napoleon also has an alien army thanks to his collected alien wares. On top of Cybershades, he now has Chessmen - pawns in his games that are controlled through Cyberman, Clockwork Robot and other alien technology. He has recruited The Revenant Reverand and Scarlett Valentin before, along with the Borad who is still alive!

Notably Napoleon commissioned the Borad to create a Dalek clone as a form of company - he eventually managed to create Josephine. She has a scrapped, bulky shell made from leftover pieces, being dubbed a "Steelclad". She was originally a woman named Lyssa Marden who the Borad "saved" from a fatal accident, although she does not realise what she's been turned into.

I love this character - he enjoys being a leader of the criminal underworld, especially being a nemesis for the Paternoster Gang (the book suggests Napoleon unconsciously sabotages his own plans because he would enjoy remaining in Victorian London).

Cubicle 7 beat Big Finish, this is way more fun.

[companion-showdown]

Almost/Could have been Companion: Nominations

It's nomination time: Who is the Best Almost Companion

Who would you like to have seen become a companion?

Rules:

Must have met the Doctor

I know Jago and Litefoot are popular but I am not including anyone from Talons as a matter of principle

Not someone you could already call a companion (some exceptions may be made on a case by case basis) (if they are TV characters who are companions only in the EU that will be allowed)

Not necessary, but ideally someone who would have said yes in the right circumstances

There's no other restrictions on the kinds of characters to include, just anyone you wanted to come on further adventures in the TARDIS

Nominations will close in 24 hours (17:15 BST (UTC+1), 13/10)

Current list under the cut because it is already very long and only going to get longer

60s

Cameca (The Aztecs)

Jenny (The Dalek Invasion of Earth)

Bret Vyon (The Daleks Master Plan)

Anne (The Massacre)

Sam Briggs (The Faceless Ones)

Isobel (The Invasion)

Fariah (Enemy of the World)

Astrid Ferrier (Enemy of the World)

Ping-Cho (Marco Polo)

70s

Miss Hawthorne (The Daemons)

Bellal (Death to the Daleks)

Lish Toos (The Robots of Death)

D84 (Robots of Death)

Rodan (The Invasion of Time)

Duggan (City of Death)

80s

Todd (Kinda)

Richard Mace (The Visitation)

Will Chandler (The Awakening)

Chela (Snakedance)

Norna (Frontis)

Janet (Terror of the Vervoids)

The DJ (Revelation of the Daleks)

Ray (Delta and the Bannermen)

Mags (The Greatest Show in the Galaxy)

Shou Yuing (Battlefield)

Sabalom Glitz (Various)

Rachel (Remembrance of the Daleks)

Allison (Remembrance of the Daleks)

Gustave Lytton (Resurrection of the Daleks, Attack of the Cybermen)

EU

Ruby Duvall

Cousin Justine (Met the Doctor in Alien Bodies)

The Duke of Wellington (multiple encounters)

Irving Braxiatel (the Doctor’s Brother, and a Jerk)

Koschie (Academy era Master)

Millennia and Rallon

Narvin

Alan Turing

Hal Bishop

Abslom Dakk

Carolyn McConnell (Vampire Science)

Alex Campbell (the dead one not the alternate version who travels with the doctor)

Bounce (Year of Intelligent Tigers)

Karl Sadeghi (Year if Intelligent Tigers)

Scarlette (Adventures of Henrietta Street)

Leonardo da Vinci (Various)

Jason Kane

Jack Springheel

Peter Summerfield

RTD

Jabe (The End of the World)

Harriet Jones (Aliens of London / World War Three

Lynda (Bad Wolf / The Parting of the Ways)

Mrs Moore (Rise of the Cybermen / The Age of Steel)

Jake (Rise of the Cybermen / The Age of Steel & Army of Ghosts / Doomsday)

Sally Sparrow (Blink)

Timothy (Human Nature / The Family of Blood (could have his name wrong))

Joan Redfern (Human Nature / The Family of Blood)

Professor Yana (Utopia)

Chan Tho (Utopia)

Tom (The Last of the Time Lords / The Sound of Drums)

Astrid Peth (Voyage of the Damned)

Alonzo (Voyage of the Damned)

Ross (The Sontaran Stratagem / The Poison Sky)

Jenny (The Doctor’s Daughter)

Hath Peck (The Doctor’s Daughter)

Rosita (The Next Doctor)

Lady Christina de Souza (Planet of the Dead)

Adelaide Brooke (The Waters of Mars)

Elton Pope (Love and Monsters)

Simm!Master

Agatha Christie (The Unicorn and the Wasp)

Jethro (Midnight)

Jacobi!Master

Dee Dee (Midnight)

Moffat

Nasreen Chaudry (The Hungry Earth / Cold Blood)

Craig Owens (The Lodger & Closing Time)

Kazran (A Christmas Carol)

Abigail (A Christmas Carol)

Canton Everette Deleware III (Day of the Moon)

Rita (The God Complex)

Lorna (A Good Man Goes to War)

Madge Arwell (The Doctor the Widow and the Wardrobe)

Brian Williams (Dinosaurs on a Spaceship)

John Riddell (Dinosaurs on a Spaceship)

Nefertiti

Petronella Osgood (Various)

Kate Stewart (Various)

Madame Vastra (Various – The Paternoster Gang)

Jenny (Various – The Paternoster Gang)

Strax (Various – The Paternoster Gang)

Journey Blue (Into the Dalek)

Psi (Time Heist)

Saibra (Time Heist)

Perkins (Mummy on the Orient Express)

Courtney Woods (Kill the Moon)

Rigsy (Flatline & Face the Raven)

Maebh (In the Forest of the Night)

Shona (Last Christmas)

Cass (Under the Lake / Before the Flood)

Me (The Girl Who Died / The Woman Who Lived & various)

Missy (Various)

Heather (Pilot & The Doctor Falls)

Erica (Pyramid at the End of the World)

Danny Pink

Ada Gillyflower (The Crimson Horror)

Shona (Last Christmas)

Chibnall

Bel (Flux)

Vinder (Flux)

Claire (Flux)

Jericho (Flux)

Ada Lovelace (Spyfall)

Ronan (The Tsuranga Conundrum)

Nikola Tesla (Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror)

Spinoffs

Luke Smith (The Sarah-Jane Adventures)

Clyde Langer (The Sarah-Jane Adventures)

Rani Chandra (The Sarah-Jane Adventures)

Gwen Cooper (Torchwood)

Ianto Jones (Torchwood)

Tosh Sato (Torchwood)

[mattnben-bennmatt]

Matt Damon (& Co.)'s interview w/ GQ (18 July 2016)

The Encyclopedia of Matt Damon

As Matt Damon returns to the Bourne franchise, we decided to assemble this handy guide to the habits, quirks, and inner life of an honest-to-God screen legend, as told by George Clooney, Martin Scorsese, Ben Affleck, and the other titans who know him best

By The Editors of GQ | Photography by Sebastian Kim | Illustration by Joe Mckendry

Matt Damon is, scientifically, the most liked man in Hollywood. He is serious, and he is funny. He is approachable-seeming and often jacked. He has been in six of your ten favorite movies in the past 20 years, and he's met a bunch of people along the way who like him a whole lot. But for all his familiarity, he's still elusive (which is how he likes it). So instead of asking Matt Damon dumb questions about the new Jason Bourne movie (out this month!), we got Damon and those people who like him a lot*—George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Tina Fey, Ben Affleck, Martin Scorsese, and Co.—to tell all the stories about him that you haven't heard.

-

Accent, Boston

Matt Damon: I was sitting at George Clooney's pool in Lake Como, and Brad Pitt walked in, sat down next to me, and said, “Do you want to do a Martin Scorsese movie in Boston?” [Brad] was a producer on The Departed, and he felt like he had gotten too old for those roles. It's one of the most absurd things that's ever happened in my life.

[Marty] said to me early on [in production], “I don't know Boston. This is your town.” So I would show up with stuff that I'd write and give it to Bill [Monahan, the screenwriter]. and say, "Do you like any of this?" The first time I rehearsed with Jack Nicholson, he went over to get some coffee, and he turned around [and said], “You know, I never would have made it this long if I wasn’t a great fucking writer.”

Martin Scorsese (director, ‘The Departed’): He comes from Boston; he's familiar with that world. When we were cutting The Departed, my editor, Thelma Schoonmaker, used a term to describe Matt's presence on-screen that's stayed with me: He's seated as an actor. He enters a movie grounded and at ease in his character and in the world of the story.

Bill Simmons (Bostonian; host, ‘Any Given Wednesday’): [Jimmy Kimmel] had this Super Bowl party, and Damon was there. He was like, “I'm readin' ya book! It's fahckin' ahsome.” [Matt's Good Will Hunting accent] is the greatest Boston accent that's ever been captured in a movie by an actual actor. The Departed is a catastrophe of bad Boston accents. Leo just gives up halfway through.

Sarah Silverman (co-star, “I'm Fucking Matt Damon”): We are all Boston-area people. I don't know how Matt talks so pretty.

-

Artist, The

Julia Stiles (co-star, ‘Bourne’ films): After The Bourne Ultimatum came out, there was a premiere in London. Prince actually came to it, then got tickets for the cast to come see him [perform]. We were summoned into a room to meet him [after the show]. Matt said, “So you live in Minnesota? I hear you live in Minnesota.”

Damon: Prince said, “I live inside my own heart, Matt Damon.”

-

Career Precedent

Damon: I always thought the goal was William Holden. To just be in a lot of good movies.

Harvey Weinstein (producer, ‘Good Will Hunting,’ ‘Dogma,’ ‘All the Pretty Horses,’ ‘The Talented Mr. Ripley,’ ‘Rounders,’ ‘Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back,’ ‘Project Greenlight,’ ‘The Brothers Grimm’): Matt Damon is the closest thing we have to James Stewart. Matt can be funny, Matt can be charming, but there's an idealism in Matt, like Mr. Smith Goes to Washington or It's a Wonderful Life. But Jimmy Stewart also did those very tough Westerns. He wasn't Bourne, but you get the idea he flew 40 missions over Germany as an Air Force commander. [He's] that kind of great man with tremendous integrity.

Michael Douglas (co-star, ‘Behind the Candelabra’): [Matt] reminds me of me a lot, in terms of the kind of range of parts and things that he does. He always looks to what's the best script, what's going to make the best movie, and what isn't. He has a real sense of what it takes to make a good movie. Having the best part in a bad movie doesn't help you.

-

Face, Matt's

Scarlett Johansson (co-star, ‘We Bought a Zoo’): The most amazing gift about Matt's physical appearance is that he can walk into the hair-and-makeup trailer looking like someone who slept directly on his face for seven hours and emerge a bona fide movie star. He has a great makeup artist.

George Clooney (co-star, ‘Ocean’s Eleven,’ ‘Twelve,’ and ‘Thirteen’; director, ‘Syriana,’ ‘Confessions of a Dangerous Mind,’ ‘The Monuments Men’): He looks swell in a Speedo.

-

Face, Pitt's

Damon: I don't look like Marlon Brando. I remember Ben and I having a realization early on. Like, we were watching Brad [Pitt] in a movie, and one of us turned to the other and said, “I haven't heard a thing that guy said in five minutes. I'm just looking at him.” And we realized there's a good and a bad [that comes with that]. It'll mask one of your lesser performances, but it also detracts from your best performances. Because Brad has been legitimately brilliant in some of the things he's done, and he doesn't get the credit as an actor that I think he deserves. I never had to carry that water.

-

Friend, Best

Tina Fey (creator, ‘30 Rock’): People would be like, “[Matt and Ben] are so cute!” And I'd be like, “They're J.Crew sweaters. When you see all the colors next to each other, they look cute, but when you get one home, you're like, ‘Damn, I just got an orange sweater.’ ” But now that is withdrawn. In person, Matt holds up.

Damon: Ben is the orange sweater.

Ben Affleck (co-writer, ‘Good Will Hunting’; best friend): The quality that has allowed Matt to maintain the illusion that he is Mr. Nice Guy is that he found a young TV actor who was just a pretty face and made friends with him so he would always look good by comparison. Matt is very media-savvy and manipulative in that way. He's like a mix of [O. J. Simpson defense-team members] Bob Shapiro and Alan Dershowitz.

Kevin Smith (writer and director, ‘Dogma,’ ‘Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back’; co-executive producer, ‘Good Will Hunting’): Matt made pretty thoughtful choices about what roles he wanted to play and the directors he wanted to work with after Good Will Hunting, which made Ben's more commercial choices easier to put down for some folks. The assignation was that Matt chose to be a serious actor in films, while Ben chose to star in movies. That script flipped when Matt was Bourne and Ben became a filmmaker.

-

Friend, Brother of Best

Damon: Casey moved in with us [when he was 19]. He would walk in the room, and I'm like, “Is that my shirt?” It got so bad with the Affleck brothers that I was at the point where I wanted to label all of my stuff, 'cause it would just fucking show up in Casey's drawer. And if it's there long enough, then it's like some version of squatters' rights, where suddenly he's like, “No, dude, this is mine. You saw me. I've been wearing this since December.” Like, that doesn't mean it's yours! Just because you washed it doesn't mean it's yours.

-

Good Will

Billy Bob Thornton (director, ‘All the Pretty Horses’): I did Armageddon with Ben, and I knew 'em before they made Good Will Hunting. They talked to me about it: “Hey, we got this script.” And I'm like, “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Wish I hadn't have said that.

Steven Soderbergh (director, ‘The Informant!’; ‘Ocean's Eleven,’ ‘Twelve,’ and ‘Thirteen’; ‘Contagion’; ‘Behind the Candelabra’): I was looking for rewrite work, and one of the open assignments was for Good Will Hunting. I said, “What's it about?” And they said, “Math.” And I said, “Well, I'm terrible at math, so I'm the wrong guy.” Let's put it this way: Word was out on Reservoir Dogs at the script stage—I remember hearing, “There's this fucking great script out there written by this guy.” There wasn't that kind of thing about [Good Will Hunting].

Damon: Harvey [Weinstein] hadn't seen it—somebody lower down the ladder [at Miramax] had passed. And we were fucked. We had made a deal with Castle Rock where we had to sell it for a million dollars and whoever we sold it to had to allow us to star in it. If we didn't, it was gonna go back to Castle Rock and we were out of the movie. We asked [Kevin Smith] to direct it, and Kevin wouldn't. He goes, “I'm not a good enough director.”

Smith: I asked Ben to FedEx a copy of the script and hit it in the bathroom, intending to read a few pages while on the bowl. Two hours later, I came out of the bathroom crying [because] it was so good. [Co-executive producer] Scott Mosier said, “You were in the bathroom for two hours, and now you're crying. Should I call an ambulance?” I said, “No. We gotta call Harvey.” And we gave it to Harvey and said, “Remember when you picked up the Pulp Fiction script from TriStar in turnaround? This is like that. Especially the Oscars part.”

Weinstein: Kevin Smith gave it to Jon Gordon in my office. Jon Gordon gave it to me. I loved it.

Damon: Every Oscar weekend, the three big agencies host parties. In 1998, [the year we won an Oscar for Good Will Hunting], the CAA party was given in our name. Like, “Ben Affleck and Matt Damon invite you to the CAA party.” We called it “our party.” It was incredible. I talked to Tom Cruise. Even a movie like Cocktail, which the critics didn't particularly dig, was a hit. An agent said to me, “There's no career that's ever been like this. Everyone has ups and downs. This guy's never had a down.” He was the movie star's movie star. And I remember the way he talked about the business: He was not owed anything or could count on anything. And I was like, “Oh, my God. It's an insecure business for Tom Cruise!”

Simmons: I was dating this girl who moved to Chicago, and I was living in Boston. I was making, like, $200 a week writing a column and bartending, and it cost somewhere between $300 and $450 to fly to Chicago. So I went to see Good Will Hunting in Cambridge by myself. And at the end, he goes to see about a girl, and I was like, “You know what? I like her, but I don't know if I'd go to see about a girl.” We broke up within 12 hours. And my next girlfriend was my wife. That's why I always defend Matt Damon.

-

Grimm, Brothers

Brian Koppelman (co-writer, ‘Rounders,’ ‘Ocean's Thirteen’): The nose [in Ocean's Thirteen] originated because we had heard this rumor that Matt had wanted to wear a weird nose in Brothers Grimm. He wasn't able to, so we decided we were going to give him an even bigger, uglier nose.

Terry Gilliam (director, ‘The Brothers Grimm,’ ‘The Zero Theorem’): He's got that cute little retroussé nose and a big bony head, and I thought his head needed something stronger. So we put the bump on, and he suddenly became like Marlon Brando—he was sexy, he walked different. And then we had a huge fight with the Weinsteins and they threatened to close the movie down if I put that bump on his nose.

Weinstein: Oh, my God. Matt and Heath Ledger, may he rest in peace, just on bended knees said, “Can you finance this movie?” And my brother said, “It's Terry Gilliam—let's just do it.”

Damon: I remember the night that Terry shattered a wineglass in his hand because he was in an argument with one of the producers. He said, “I'm not gonna fucking…,” and snapped the wineglass in his hand, and then went storming out. And Heath [Ledger] and I just immediately got up to follow our fearless leader. Terry goes, “I think that went well! Where are we going for dinner?”

He was deciding whether to refuse to shoot over the nose issue. And he came into the makeup room at five in the morning and said, “They gave me the money that I need to make the movie, but we have to not do the nose. What do you think?” And Chrissie Beveridge, who still does my makeup, pulled out the nose and put it on the table. And we literally looked at it and just started laughing.

Chrissie Beveridge (makeup artist): Terry [said], “Would you talk to Bob Weinstein?” I didn't.

Damon: It was a $3 million nose.

Weinstein: Ironically, it's Terry Gilliam's highest-grossing movie he ever had in the United States. [Editors' note: Actually, ‘12 Monkeys’ is.]

Soderbergh: So on [Ocean's Thirteen], I was like, “Dude, we can do it. Like, we can give you the nose.”

Damon: And in Invictus, I ended up wearing the actual [Brothers Grimm] nose.

Beveridge: It was a slightly different nose.

-

Ledger, Heath

Gilliam: Matt is mathematical at times, and that's both a strength and sometimes… I think that's what it maybe was between him and Heath. Because [Heath's] heart was on his sleeve, and that opened up a lot in Matt.

Damon: He was too bright for this world. Coming off [The Brothers Grimm, I was] telling everybody that I just worked with the best actor I've ever seen. And people were like, “What are you talking about? The guy from A Knight's Tale?” And I was like, “You just wait. And wait until you see what kind of a director he's gonna be.”

There were things that he did where I couldn't have got there in three lifetimes. And there were ways in which he was like a puppy dog. You wanted to protect him.

[His death was] just fucking pointless. I called Terry when I found out, and he was like, “I'm sitting here in Vancouver. I'm looking out the window, and it's a beautiful sunny day, and the lights are turning red, and the lights are turning green, and cars are stopping, and cars are driving. I am surrounded by mediocrity. And he's gone.”

-

Maaaaaatt Daaaaamon

Damon: The most common head shot that I'm asked to sign is pictures of that fucking puppet [from Team America: World Police]. And they always say, “Will you write ‘Maaaaaatt Daaaaamon’?” I'm like, “Okay. Matt, with, like, 16 *a'*s in it.” [Trey Parker and Matt Stone] are legitimate geniuses. But when that came out, I thought, Wow, is that what people think of me? That I'm really dumb? So I remember asking friends of mine, and they all told me that it didn't really make sense that I was dumb. I was like, “Are you just saying that?” And then [my wife] Lucy heard an interview with [Matt and Trey] where they said the puppet showed up the day before they were supposed to shoot with it, and it looked like it had special needs, and they didn't have time to change it with the budget. I don't know if they made that up subsequently.

-

“Matt Damon, I'm F#©%ing”

In 2008, Sarah Silverman and Damon starred in a music video called “I'm Fucking Matt Damon” to “inform” Silverman's then boyfriend, Jimmy Kimmel, that she was “sleeping with” Damon.

Jimmy Kimmel (host, ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’; nemesis): [The video “I'm Fucking Matt Damon”] was supposed to be a present for my 40th birthday. Just to make sure the punch in the stomach hit a kidney.

Silverman: [When the show premiered,] Jimmy was literally getting guests like the man with the longest arm hair. So as a joke, he would say at the end of the night, “Sorry, Matt Damon. We ran out of time,” because Matt Damon was the biggest movie star he could think of.

Damon: We had done The Bourne Ultimatum [spoof] with [Kimmel sidekick] Guillermo [as Jason Bourne]. Like, now Jimmy's kicking me out of my own movies? And we all were just like, “How do we keep this thing alive?” And the guy who directed that called with this idea that Sarah had given him.

Silverman: Matt came in, learned the song in a closet of the hotel we had, and then we had three hours with him to shoot because he had his daughter's Halloween pageant at noon.

Damon: It happened really fast, and then suddenly I was in the car. I was like, “Holy fuck, I'm going to a parent-teacher conference. I can't do shit like this anymore.”

Ben Affleck: As soon as I saw “I'm Fucking Matt Damon,” I knew I would be doing “I'm Fucking Ben Affleck.” So I called Jimmy, and they were already putting it together. Having Josh Groban yelling out, “I'm fucking Beeeeen. I'm fucking Ben Affleck!” remains a high point of my career and life.

-

Mojo

Soderbergh: When [Matt] hit us on the Ocean's set, he said, “I really feel like I've kind of lost my mojo.” He'd just come off a couple movies that didn't work commercially [All the Pretty Horses and The Legend of Bagger Vance], and they were not finished with Bourne—they were gonna go back and reshoot more after we wrapped. And I remember George [Clooney] and I saying, “We can do that with this. You're going to have a blast.”

Damon: I showed up like a drowned rat and just stumbled into the room [with Steven] and George. Steven says, “This is the movie where you're gonna get your mojo back.” And they had a big party because it was the “We have arrived in Chicago” party. They rented out a bar with the whole crew. And then we shot the next day, and then they rented out a bar and had a huge “We're leaving Chicago” party. And I'm like, “Wow, maybe I am gonna get my mojo back on this shoot.”

-

Parenting, Matt's

Fey: Some people are lying when they say they want to go be with their families, but I think Matt actually really does like his family—his lovely wife and his 26 daughters.

-

Parenting, Matt's Mother's

Soderbergh: One of the first thoughts I had when I met Matt was, Okay. This guy was very well raised. I don't mean that in a pejorative sense. I was just like, “He's a good kid.” Like, “They raised a good kid.” Which is what you would want anybody to say about your child.

Julia Roberts (co-star, ‘Ocean's Eleven’ and ‘Twelve’): Matty's a good boy.

-

Pilot, Carol the

In 2010, Damon began a four-episode guest arc on the NBC sitcom ‘30 Rock’ as Liz Lemon's boyfriend, pilot Carol Burnett.

Damon: Lucy and I started watching on the first episode and were like, “This is our favorite thing.” I literally went up to [Tina Fey] at the SAG Awards and said, “Look, your show is so great, and if you ever have anything on it, I would love to do a guest spot.”

Fey: [Matt] was like, “I wanna be on the show! I wanna be on the show!” We immediately flew back the next day and called WME, and the agent was like, “He's not doing this!” And we're like, “No, no, he told us he wanted to do it.” And you could tell his agent was like, “Faaaaaaahhhhhhck. He's too good for this!”

Damon: Yeah, that was one that Patrick was like, “What the fuck? What are you doing?”

Patrick Whitesell (Matt's agent): I wasn't opposed to Matt doing it. I thought it would be a fun thing. The only thing was I wanted it limited in the number of episodes.

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Scheduling Conflict

Douglas: [When I first heard about Behind the Candelabra,] I was recovering from a Stage IV cancer bout and was so unbelievably fortunate to look at this Richard LaGravenese script and go, “My God.” And Soderbergh's involved, and then Matt, who wanted to do the other part. And then when we were getting ready to go do it, both of them—both Steven and Matt individually—said, “You know, we've got conflicting schedules right now. So let's put this off for a year.” And my heart sunk. I thought, Oh shit, it ain't ever going to happen. The truth be told, I was so happy to be alive that I didn't recognize the fact of just how underweight I was. And I think both of them looked at me and said, “He's not ready to do Liberace.” And rather than in any way make me feel like it was a problem, they simply lied and said, “We have other projects,” and waited a year, until I got back on my feet and my strength was there.

Damon: I'll take it, but I did have a scheduling conflict. I think that Steven certainly knew that more time on the mend would not hurt at all. They replaced Michael from the neck down with a concert pianist, but Michael's arms had to be at the right place at all times or it didn't work. The amount of hours [that took], I don't even know. It was this virtuoso performance. And he said to me the last night [of shooting], “I couldn't have done this last year.”

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Sweating

Koppelman: We write [Rounders] on spec, and Harvey Weinstein buys it. Then we get a call that he wants to show us ten minutes of this film [Good Will Hunting] with this guy Matt Damon, who [they thought] should star in [our movie]. We immediately love the idea.

So we happened to be down at [the L.A. casino] Hollywood Park, and we started talking to these guys and mentioned that we'd written this poker movie. They go, “Matt Damon's our best friend.” And I said, “Oh, really? Matt Damon's your best friend?” Twenty-five minutes later, Matt and Ben come storming in. Neither guy had played casino poker. Matt was immediately like, “Tell me stuff I need to know.” So we got a table and [co-writer] David [Levien] showed Matt how to riffle chips. Within 10, 15 minutes, he's sitting at the table riffling like he's an old pro.

David Levien (co-writer, ‘Rounders,’ ‘Ocean's Thirteen’): He took poker very, very seriously then, and obviously Ben got bit by the bug. We said, “If you really want to learn about this, come to New York.”

Damon: I started getting in and sweating the games, which means sitting behind a player who agrees to show you their hole cards so you can watch how they play the hand. And these were rounders, the people who were making basically ten bucks an hour sitting there with no health benefits, just hoping that somebody new would come in so they could chop him up.

Edward Norton (co-star, ‘Rounders’): Matt and I got coaching from top poker pros, but also from some guys in the underground poker scene who were experts in working a game as partners with coded signals, because that was something our characters did in the film. We decided we'd see if we could actually pull it off in a game, and we cut it apart. Then we walked down Sixth Avenue a few blocks and chopped up our collective winnings. We agreed that our commitment to the craft of acting justifiably forced our ethical standards into the backseat. And most of the money we clipped came off Harvey and Bob Weinstein, so we agreed that was good for humanity.

Alicia Vikander (co-star, ‘Jason Bourne’): We were shooting [Jason Bourne] in Vegas, and I learned to play craps [the night we wrapped]. I asked Matt [for advice] because of course he and Ben are kind of known for that. I said that I was going to bed, and then I said that I was just going to have one drink. It happened to be quite a few.

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Sweating (More)

Damon: I've sweat some great directors for the last 20 years. When Ben was doing Gone Girl, I went over and visited the set and sat behind David [Fincher] while he was directing. There was a scene where Ben and Rosamund [Pike] walk into a bookstore and end up coming towards the camera through one of the aisles and kissing each other. So before the door opens and they come in, an extra walks by at the end of the line of books. David instantly starts monologuing: “Who fucking walks like that? Are you fucking… Am I wrong? Like, who fucking walks like that? It's ridiculous. I mean, he fucking looks like an extra in a movie. What the fuck?” Meanwhile, Ben and Rosamund are acting their hearts out, and I know they're gonna go again, no matter what they do, because this person fucking blew it. So David goes over and gives them notes, and they get ready to do it again, and Rosamund's makeup artist comes walking in to touch her up. David's looking at his monitor, and he goes, “Now, that's how you walk.”

Joshua Donen (David Fincher's manager): David denies that this ever took place, but out of respect for the talents of Mr. Damon, he has decided not to take legal action.

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Teeth

Roberts: He does have nice teeth.

Kimmel: I mean, they can't be real, right? They're so perfect. They're obviously something that some Hollywood witch doctor put into his head somewhere along the line, possibly on one of his jaunts to China where he disappears for six months and suddenly has a whole new look. One day he's Jason Bourne. The next day he's Liberace's fiancé.

Damon: True.

Larry Rosenthal, D.D.S., declined to respond to multiple requests for comment.

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Thing, Best I've Ever Been a Part Of

Damon: [The 2000 Cormac McCarthy novel adaptation All the Pretty Horses] failed the critics and failed to find the audience. I'm not over it 18 years later or whatever it is, so I'm just clearly never gonna get over it. It really fucking depresses me. I only saw Billy [Bob Thornton]'s cut once, and I just remember feeling like, “Oh, my God, this is the best thing I've ever been a part of.” It was Daniel Lanois's music that did it—it was all Daniel on this old guitar.

Thornton: The studio made us take Dan's score out.

Weinstein: It's great, but there were studio executives who fell asleep during the screening. The movie cost $48 million. You [ask], “Am I going to put a four-hour movie out?”

Damon: I was in Paris working on The Bourne Identity, and every night after work, I'd come home and I'd have a conference call with Harvey and Billy Bob. I would pace in this living room in this apartment I'd rented as I was talking to them. Billy's heart was fucking breaking. [When] he relented, he said, “Harvey, I have a chance to do four, maybe five great things before I die. And what I'm hearing you say to me is this isn't gonna be one of them.” And my knees literally buckled.

Thornton: You live with it. They did offer us the opportunity to put [my cut] out on DVD with the original music. But Dan felt like, “If my music wasn't good enough for them to put in the movie, then I don't know if I wanna put it in there on the DVD,” so I stood by him. I'm not gonna ever go side against an artist.

Weinstein: I've said to Matt, “I'll put up a million dollars any day of the week to restore it. I don't even care if I get the money back.” And I'm happy to sit down with Matt and Billy and do that. We've tried to resurrect that on a number of occasions, but the composer didn't want to let us do it, and he has strong rights. I understand. But time softens everyone. It's time to re-approach him.

Thornton: I think maybe one of these days I'm gonna just have a party over at my house to show it to 20 or 30 people.

Damon: I would love it if he did.

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Wife, Krasinski's

John Krasinski (co-writer, ‘Promised Land’): The day I met him was the scene in The Adjustment Bureau where he kisses my wife [Emily Blunt] in a very big way. And so when I went up to him, he turned to me, and the first thing he ever said to me was, “Hey, man. I was just totally tonguing your girl.” And I went, “Oh, okay. Cool.” And he saw my face and he just cratered. He said, “Oh, my God. I am so sorry. I am so sorry.”

Damon: A reason to do that movie was to meet those two. They're just the best.

Emily Blunt : I have never played a board game with the Damons. The four of us hang out constantly and drink way too much together. Red wine for the three of us, and John's allergic to red wine, so he has to take down the bottle of white by himself. Which is not an issue.

Damon: That allergy is recent. He used to not be allergic to red wine, so we were perfect dinner companions. Now everything is off.

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Worship

Chris Hemsworth (friend; Norse god): [I was going to be on the cover of GQ, and] I was like, “Shit, what do we do [for the story]?” Matt goes, “You should go bike riding! You can use mine.” So the next morning, I didn't want to bring the writer [into Matt's home because] I didn't want Matt to be uncomfortable. And Matt was like, “No, bring him in!” Matt's cooking pancakes and telling all kinds of interesting stories and quoting all sorts of interesting people. And I was sitting there going, “I just lost myself the cover. I can just see the cover turning into Matt's cover. This is the worst thing I could have done with this thing, introduce the writer to Matt.” I felt like I had a new girlfriend and I had introduced her to my cooler friend or something.

Blunt: It's almost sickening, actually. He's like the most universally loved person I've ever met.

Jessica Chastain (co-star, ‘Interstellar,’ ‘The Martian’): When I was going to go work on The Martian, everyone was going on and on about what a great person he was. You always wonder, like, “Okay, is the reputation accurate?” And with him, it was.

Jeff Schaffer (executive producer, ‘Seinfeld,’ ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’; co-creator, ‘The League’; Harvard classmate): “Great” gets thrown around a lot. Like, if you hate a movie, you go, “It was great!” In L.A., “great” means it's shit. So I have to drop down one to “good.” He's a good man.

Matthew McConaughey (co-star, ‘Interstellar’): I remember a late night in Laurel Canyon after A Time to Kill came out. Matt shared a genuine excitement for the success the film and I were having. He's always been like that, as far as I know—confident and self-assured enough to appreciate a peer's success while still paving his own path.

Krasinski: You look at him and think, Wow. You've maintained staying grounded with a career like this. For people who don't have even half the career of you, if we're not as grounded as you, we're just jackasses.

Paul Greengrass (director, ‘The Bourne Supremacy,’ ‘The Bourne Ultimatum’; director and co-writer, ‘Jason Bourne’): He is a really superb, aggressive, fast driver. Somewhere deep in that soul there must be a Jason Bourne lurking.

Simmons: If you're at a party and somebody's like, “You know who I fucking hate? Matt Damon,” people would be like, “What? Why do you hate Matt Damon? Did he fuck your girlfriend?”

Kimmel: He had sex with my girlfriend and then made a song about it. I think he's more devious than [his character in The Talented Mr. Ripley]. More diabolical. Matt Damon in real life is more of a pure evil.

Soderbergh: You could walk around town with a checkbook offering to pay people a million dollars to say something bad about Matt, feeling secure you'd never have to write a check.

Reported by Zach Baron, Lauren Larson, Anna Peele, Clay Skipper, and Caity Weaver.