#ive yet to cry at work but today fucking broke me

[synchlora]

hoooly fuck man

[blonkk]

feeling healthy. classic friday night crying unexpectedly because it just occurred to me that im almost 30 and ive spent the last 3 days alone with no one to talk to. im just in bed watching the simpsons wishing i had someone with me just to fucking watch the simpsons or stupid youtube comps. i’ve been seething because my roommate left days ago without telling me and he hasn’t cleaned a thing since i moved in so i’ve spent the past 2 days scrubbing the place clean which makes me resentful. he also left his aging dog here and she drives me insane and i didn’t sign up to be a dog owner but here we are. should i let her starve and shit in the house or do i just do the right thing and make sure shes fed. let her out when she screams at the door at all hours of the day night and morning. its been raining but stopped today so i left the house and spent 50$ on nothing and i still dont have a job and i just have to come up with new ways to spend my time with nothing to do no money no one to talk do on this shithole hill

like when you’re young and optimistic and idealistic you never think that sad loser is gonna be you. like no way i’m gonna be a sad friendless lonely freak of nature. no way im gonna be broke and jobless near 30.

and it just creeps up and like i’d do anything to get out of this but i just fail and fail and fail and i can’t find a way out. everything is just closing in on me rn. and if i go home to my parents i wont need to worry as much about money for the time being but what kind of back peddling is that….i spent my entire 20s working up the courage to move out completely and again im failing. i can’t go home anyways because believe it or not my situation is every worse there

and my parents are so scared for me…like they won’t say it but they’re ashamed and disappointed and they pity me which is honestly worse than anything else….i don’t want them to help me out of pity it feels like no one believes in me at all

which makes sense lol i don’t believe in myself either….i don’t excel at anything…..i can’t even get an entry level job in my field where i have experience…i can’t monetize anything else i do because im just not a very skilled person and its not self pity, or maybe it is, but like no one cares about art or whatever it is i like to do.

like i’ve felt like i’ve been fading away for a few years now as friends and family moved onto bigger and better and it’s just getting worse as time goes on…i don’t know what i want i’ve never known and it doesn’t even matter because i’ve never gotten anything i’ve wanted anyways. i just want to not be lonely. it’s so simple

i just want to disconnect from everyone and everything because i’m so beaten down by rejection and failure and isolation and despite good things these bad things compound and im so exhausted i don’t even care about what happens to me anymore

it’s so weird being this person you know people pity…that the worst part

i’m tying….i go outside…i exercise…i engage with my hobbies….i haven’t shut out my friends….i keep applying for work even though i feel this feeling of dread and know it wont go anywhere …i haven’t given up yet but im not really under any illusions that things will “get better” anymore

anyways i’m sorry for the boo hoo wah woe is me wahhhh moment im just so sick and tired of this relentless shit

[yutaslaugh]

.

[blxetsi]

I was curious if you’d be up for headcanon of adopting Gabi Braun, or what it’s like being her older sibling?

If not maybe just Pieck relationship headcanons

Please and thank you

im so sorry im getting to this so late 😭🤚 ty for requesting ‼️

‼️CONTENT WARNING: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 AND CHAPTER 139‼️

adopting gabi braun headcanons (canonverse)

characters: gf!sasha braus x gn!reader, platonic!gabi braun x gn!reader, fatherly!levi ackerman x gn!reader, platonic!falco grice x gn!reader

warnings: death, angst, hatred for kids (fuck them kids‼️), peepaw levi 😁👍

- uhhhhhh,, your relationship w gabi had a very rocky start. Lol !

- it all started when your friend eren jaeger decided to run away to infiltrate marley causing the survey corps to go get him just as a war was declared between your countries, and then two kids snuck onto the airship you were using to escape and shot your girlfriend. and she died. Lol !

- you had a lot of hatred for gabi in the beginning, and it was understandable

- you blamed her for shooting sasha, but you also blamed yourself for not being able to save her.

- you were a trained medic, you were supposed to save people, and yet you couldnt even save the woman you loved. it was like a slap in the face, like god was playing some cruel joke on you

- you remember sitting against the wall with sasha's blood staining your hands. you could barely process what happened at the time, and then levi came

- he sat next to you, taking a handkerchief out of nowhere seemingly, and just wordlessly wiped your hands down.

- your relationship with the older man was never defined, even today, but you both cared for each other

- the next time you saw gabi, was in that restaurant, niccolo had attacked gabi and falco, injuring them both, and said she killed sasha

- your blood went cold, you felt so many things, the grief you had pushed down in favour of your job, anger, fear, among other things

- niccolo had said there needed to be justice, he said that gabi should die for what she did, he tried to get sasha's father to kill her, and all you did was stand there.

- your body went on autopilot, barely listening to mr. braus' speech, you watched as kaya pointed a knife at gabi, and you listened to her wails of agony as you blindly led mikasa, armin, and gabi to a different room

- you were scared of yourself, for what you were thinking. did you really want a kid to die ? she did kill your girlfriend, the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, the woman that shared her food with you, the woman that held you when you got scared at night, the woman that promised you that after the war you two would live on a farm together, and have a family of your own.

- but she was still a child. she didnt know any better. you were conflicted in your feelings, especially after hearing what niccolo had said, but it all just emphasized what was already known to you. she was a child

- your blood was pounding in your ears, and you could faintly hear gabi asking your comrades if they wanted to kill her. when armin reassured her they didnt, she looked to you and asked "what about them ?"

- you didnt answer her, and continued to lead them down where eren would be meeting you all. you were supposed to drop them off, but eren made you stay, and then a fight broke out

- you dont remember when you did it, but you held gabi in your arms, shielding her from the fight. you think you needed to be held more than she did

- things got more complicated after that, and slowly the hatred you had for sasha's killer went away, until all you had left was a hole in your chest from guilt and sadness.

- at fort salta, you thought you were going to die there, next to your friends. you thought you'd become a mindless titan, like connie's family

- but you didnt, well you did, but only for a short time, and when you turned back, you reunited with your friends

- looking around for gabi, you saw her tackle falco into a hug, which made you smile

- "y/n !" jean called, you remember looking behind you in confusion, he sounded distressed, but you understood why when you saw sasha saluting the three of you

- you felt your legs move on your own, and you ran closer to her, before stopping about a meter away. she was dead, you knew she was dead, but she was there, wearing that goofy smile on her face and looking at you as if you'd hung the stars in the sky

- she looked at you. "you did good." hearing her voice felt like a dream. your mouth felt dry, and your jaw opened and closed like a fish before you felt tears sting your eyes. "i love you."

- she nodded, before looking at the sky. "i know." she replied. sasha looked back at you before giving you a soft smile. "you know what to do now." before she disappeared in the debris

- you knew what to do, so you did it

- you found levi sitting against a rock, and when you leaned down next to him he muttered something. "i saw erwin again. and hange. all of them." you nodded. "i saw sasha." he looked at you, and gave you the closest thing to a smile. "i guess we're both at peace now."

*****

- three years later, you've become a school teacher in paradis, teaching young children how to read, to write, and basic math. you teach them about art and music, and nature. its nice being surrounded by children all day, kids are lovely.

- you live with gabi, falco and levi, in a small house inside wall sina. levi's legs have gotten weaker with time, causing him to use a wheelchair and crutches. he's given up on his dream of a tea shop, but is content with the life he has now.

- gabi and falco have gotten more rowdy with age, but they've both matured quite a bit. they make you proud

- you send letters to sasha's family. kaya is growing up, and has taken over archery just like her sister. niccolo is living with them now.

- you'll never be able to let go of sasha, or what happened to her, but the pain in your chest has dulled immensely. you think about her sometimes, when youre in bed alone, wanting to feel the warmth of her body in your arms, you know you should move on, you get teased about not having a new girlfriend, even levi has made comments about there being "plenty of fish in the sea"

it was a late night, on a friday. you were grading spelling tests at the dining room table, one lone candle being your source of light. your pen moves swiftly across the different pieces of paper, adding check marks or x marks when needed, adding a note at the bottom of each test, before adding a smiley face on all of your students' hard work. it was tedious, but it needed to be done, and you had to remember to bring them in on monday, you couldn't forget like last time.

you heard footsteps coming down the stairs. they were soft, and slow, and at first you thought it was levi but realized it couldn't be since you couldn't hear the soft tapping of his crutches on the stairs. they came down to the bottom and stood there, it was gabi, dressed in a light pink nightgown that came down to her knees, and her disheveled hair in the braid you did for her before bed.

you pushed your reading glasses to the top of your head. "what are you doing up ? it's late."

she shrugged, and walked over to sit across from you at the table. gabi grabbed the stack of papers that you already graded and shuffled through them, giggling when she found a misspelling.

you rolled her eyes. "don't laugh, they're six."

she shook her head. "i was spelling ten times better than this when i was their age."

"uh huh."

"are you calling my bluff ?"

you chuckled. "maybe. you should be in bed though."

"why ? it's not like we have school tomorrow."

you shrugged. "i was thinking we could go on a picnic outside the walls. it gets stuffy in here."

she nodded. "that would be fun."

the silence came back for a while, until you finished grading and set your papers aside.

"you know, i hear you sometimes." she whispered.

you looked at the brunette in confusion. "how do you mean ?"

"when your in bed, sometimes you cry."

you scoffed, and leaned back in your chair. "yeah well, i try to muffle it."

"i don't think ive ever apologized to you," she started. her eyes welled up with tears and her hands shook on the table. her cheeks and nose became pink as she held herself back from crying. "i know i feel bad, and i regret killing her but, i've never actually apologized to you for-"

"don't." you said. you kept your eyes on your lap, you felt your throat growing tight. "please gabi, don't say anything."

"i need to apologize-"

"you don't. you killed her. she's dead, the war is over. it's done. just let it go." you said, your voice wavering.

"have you let it go ?"

your head shot up to her. "i lost the woman i was going to spend the rest of my life with. she promised me a safe home, a farm, and a family. and she promised we'd grow old together. and that didn't happen. i grew up with her, i've known her since i was twelve, we started dating when i was sixteen. of course i haven't let it go, gabi."

gabi looked shocked by your outburst, but nodded. she understood how you felt, and she felt so guilty. "you don't forgive me do you ? i get it, i really do. i'm sorry."

you shook your head. "gabi no, i do. i do forgive you. i just, i can't forget it." you whimpered, tears started streaming down your face and you choked back a sob. "i loved her with all of my heart, i still do, but i don't hate you-"

gabi rolled her eyes, tears coming out uncontrollably now. "you should. i killed her, i ruined your chance of a happy life ! she was your family and i-"

"gabi no !" you exclaimed, cutting her off. at this point you both looked like a mess, and you were worried you woke up the boys. you grabbed her shaking hands in your own and held them to you. "you are my family. you are. so is falco, and so is levi. i forgive you, and i love you with all of my heart." you said, a sad smile on your face. her eyes widened at your words, before she started sobbing.

you got up from the table to come to her side, and held her in your arms as she cried. her arms wrapped around your shoulders while she dug her head into your neck, tickling you with her hair.

you rubbed her back and cradled her head while shushing her. she sobbed out a muffled "i love you so much y/n." that you chuckled at.

"i love you too so much." you whispered back.

it took a long time for gabi to calm down, but when she did you still held her, rocking her and yourself back and forth slightly. you two moved from the chairs down to the floor, funny enough.

you kissed the top of her head before talking, the only noise in the room being your whispers, her sniffles and the living room clock. "you know reiner's coming home soon. are you excited ?" she nodded against your skin and sniffled again, clearing her throat too.

"i hope he brings me a gift or something." she whispered back, her voice hoarse. it made you laugh, and you had to cover your mouth to keep quiet.

"they're going to shiganshina district for a couple of days, to visit mikasa and eren, and then mikasa will come with them to the capital."

"do you miss her ?" she asked.

"so much. i miss all of them, but mikasa is a close friend of mine, she holds a special place in my heart."

"do you think you and levi will go to the meetings between the marley ambassadors and the jaegerists ?" she asked.

"maybe, if they feel as though they really need us."

you sighed through your nose, which was a bit stuffy from crying. "after we turned back into humans, i saw sasha again."

gabi lifted her head up from where it was resting on your shoulder. "what ?"

"yeah, i saw her ghost i think." you looked down on her with a smile on your face. "she told me i knew what i needed to do, and then i went and got levi and you and falco." you paused for a moment, thinking about how you would word what you were thinking. "i did what i needed to do, i got my family together." gabi's eyes widened. "sasha promised me a family, and although this wasn't the family i had envisioned, it's still a family nonetheless. i believe her last gift to me was you, falco, and levi. and i am so grateful to have you all in my life."

gabi smiled before hugging you. she opened her mouth to say something-

"oi !" a deep voice came from the top of the stairs. "you two woke me up with all of your crying. go to bed." before your heard the creaking of the floorboards and the closing of a door.

you chuckled before standing up, pulling gabi with you. you walked her to her room, and even tucked her in, you both exchanged 'i love yous' and 'goodnights' before you retreated from her bedroom, closing the door behind you.

across the hall, levi stood leaned on his doorway with his arms crossed together. "that family speech, that was cute." he commented. you rolled your eyes at the older man. "were you listening in on a private conversation ?" you teased.

the ex-captain scoffed and looked away. "go to bed y/n. we have a picnic to go on tomorrow." before closing his door.

you chuckled to yourself, remembering how you brought up the idea to him that morning, and he only replied with a curt "we'll see" before sipping on his morning tea.

you went back to your own room, and got into your bed. you turned on your side, and looked at the space you always left open for sasha, and brushed your hand against the pillow.

"goodnight love."

uhhhhh doesnt feel like my best work but whatevs 😁👍 enjoy my comeback to tumblr 🤩🙏

requests open mfs ‼️

[jpegjade]

Boundaries - Spencer

this one is a random fic ive been working on. i was talking to my therapist about love and heartbreak and relationships and she told me to write about it. so i did. 

summary: reader gets their heart broken and your best friend, spencer, is there to talk it out.

warnings: none. just sad fluff

_________________________

Knocking on Spencer’s apartment door, tears threatening to stream down your face, you only hoped that he actually had today off like he was supposed to. You really needed your best friend right now, the only person you could really confide in without feeling like you were ruining their lives by saying anything on your mind. 

You listened as the locks moved into his door before it swung open. He greeted you with a smile on his face and open arms before he saw what you looked like. You were wearing sweats and carrying a bowl full of starburst, popcorn bags, and a bunch of sports drinks along with a very full backpack. 

“What happened?” Spencer said as you stepped into his apartment, squeezing past him and the doorframe. 

“They broke up with me.” You breathed out a heavy sigh. It didn’t feel real but at the same time, it felt entirely too real. 

“Oh.” Was all Spencer could tell you. 

Spencer knew you really liked the person you were dating, despite being their significant other for a month. You were really into them in a way that was new for you and Spencer knew you loved the feeling. 

“Thanks, Spence.” You said, sarcastically. 

The fact that Spencer wasn’t able to come up with anything to say made everything hurt more. There was a silence in the room that was only filled by your shaky breathing. It was a wonder that you were able to hold back from crying for this long. 

“Did they explain why?” Spencer finally asked. He moved towards the couch, motioning for you to sit next to him. 

“No. They called me, wanting to talk, and everything was going perfectly fine until they just went off on me.” You said, sitting down with a little space between you and Spencer. 

Spencer nodded, patting his lap. He wasn’t entirely sure how to continue the conversation yet but he was determined to at least let you talk this out. 

“What else did they say?” Spencer asked as you laid down on the couch, putting your head in his lap. 

“They said they regret everything. The snapchats, the late night conversations, the sex. They regret all of it.” You started sobbing uncontrollably. 

“Breathe through it. Keep letting it out.” Spencer rubbed your back and let you cry for a while. 

“How do you make someone feel so intensely and then decide you don’t want them? That you don’t want to talk to them? That you don’t want anything to do with them so suddenly?” You continued, nearly hyperventilating. 

“It’s never sudden.” Spencer said, “There’s never a switch that happens to make it a sudden change. It’s a gradual change when they start to put up a wall, even if you don’t notice it. 

“What did I do wrong? I keep replaying everything in my head and I don’t know where I went wrong. I can’t seem to understand what’s so bad about me.” You sniffled a few times. 

“You love everyone too much.” Spencer said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Gee, thanks Spence.” You said, feeling tears welling up again. 

“You’re a patient on the operating table, asking an intern who just arrived at the hospital to put scrubs on and perform open heart surgery. You expect them to be able to help you perform the operation while simultaneously fixing the last intern’s mistakes. You and your ex weren’t together for long, especially not as long as the last one, so they really did think that they were up to the task until they saw that the damage to your heart was deeper than they thought. They didn’t pay attention to the real you, your heart that you shared. They only focused on what they wanted to see and imagine about you in relation to them. They thought they could be what you needed, or even the other way around, but it didn’t work. You were just too much.” Spencer finished, continuing to rub your back. 

“If this is supposed to help, it’s not fucking working.” You said, letting a fresh set of tears start to fall. 

“I’m just presenting you with my observations based on the situation and what I know about you.” Spencer said, slowly. 

“Just say you were profiling me and move forward.” You chuckled sadly. 

“I don’t need to be a profiler to know my best friend.” Spencer said softly. 

“How does this keep happening to me? What am I doing wrong?” You sighed, letting more tears fall. 

“I can’t tell you what you’re doing wrong but you love with all of your heart, unconditionally, from the beginning. It’s one of the many things I love about you. You’re so selfless with your love and you don’t discriminate based on looks. Everyone is deserving of love to you and you don’t mind giving all of what you have. You get attached to everyone you meet from the outset and you just want to make them happy. You’re clingy in the best way.” Spencer said, smiling softly. 

“All those things sound great in theory. But what does anyone expect me to do about that? I literally can’t stop my heart from beating… And you basically just told me that I’m alot.” You said, sitting up. 

Spencer’s eyes were like a puppy: big, sparkling, and beautiful. You could see why girls liked him and, as your best friend, you could also see why he was so oblivious to all of it. He said he only had eyes for you but you never really saw him like that. Well… You thought you never saw him like that until the past few months. 

“You are a lot to handle. But you’re manageable. It just takes a certain type of person to be able to adjust to the type of love you give as quickly as you give it. You open your heart to everyone and not everyone is ready to see that. That doesn’t mean it’s bad or good and it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. It just means that it might not fit if they aren’t that type of person.” Spencer looked at your eyes, the ones he fell in love with so long ago. 

There was a smooth silence that fell between the two of you. 

“Spence, why can’t people be as good to me as you are?” You asked, sighing. You were trying so hard not to cry again but Spencer was always so sweet to you. No wonder your feelings had changed for him a little while back. 

“They don’t love you like I do.” Spencer said, unable to look at you. 

“Spence, can you just hold me? It hurts and I don’t know what to do.” You were getting sad again and just wanted affection. 

“Always, y/n.” Spencer opened his arms so you could climb into his lap and curl up just enough to feel comfortable.

[brief-enc0unters]

i haven’t used this account in 4/5 years now but i needed somewhere to go that i could just literally let everything out knowing that no one will see it and no one will ever know and this is gonna be such a jumble of everything but i’m just gonna write.

i really really hope that there is another lockdown soon so that i don’t have to pretend to be absolutely fine in front of everyone and no one will worry about me and i don’t have to talk to or burden anyone because i just know that’s what i’m doing right now. i walk around every single day feeling like dying and i don’t know what’s got me into this headspace or how to get out of it but i’m going into a spiral that i’ve seen before but worse because i feel like i can’t talk to anyone about it because i can’t fucking burden people anymore because they will just LEAVE. it’s like tia said, just fake it.

what she said to me really did hurt me. i understand that people are trying to help me and don’t know what to say but saying that she isn’t gonna help me until i’ve done something about it (which i HAVE) makes me feel like everyone is just gonna walk away. and i asked amelia to call me today and she hasn’t and i’m scared she’s mad at me and i’m scared all of them are talking about me behind my back and i’m scared i’m surrounded by bunch of foxes that simply just fucking hate me and you know what i wouldn’t blame them because i am a MESS i am not a good person. i rang tia crying on sunday and she just said ‘your brain is convincing you things aren’t fine when things are actually on the up for you’ and that broke me because i’ve only been acting bubbly for everyone else around me because they’re all going through a hard time and i need to be there for them and make them happy but oh my god it’s getting too hard now.

everything has just. happened. at once. i quit uni. i feel like i’ve failed myself, my parents, my friends. my dad was really fucking horrible to me. i don’t know what i want to do with my life anymore. i fell out with one of the closest people to me. my job is going to fucking tatters. and now my brain is going to the worst possible fucking thing and telling me that maybe i shouldn’t do anything with my life because actually, i’d be better off dead. i’m fighting SO SO hard to not relapse into doing something stupid.

my brain keeps going back to that horrible night from 4 years ago. it replays back in my head. but my brains convinced myself that i’ve made it all up. but it won’t go away. maybe i deserved it. maybe i literally just deserve everything bad and maybe people don’t need me putting my mess into their lives anymore. i’m on more medication, ive been put on a year long waiting list for the mental health team. i’m not gonna do anything bad tonight but i don’t know how much longer i can hold on. i’m in a constant battle of asking someone for help yet not wanting to bother a soul. maybe it’d be easier for others if i just went by alone.

i punched a wall earlier. and screamed. it felt good in that moment. if i feel like this tomorrow i might do it again. and then i have to go to work, put my happy mask on, and get through it.

i still haven’t forgiven * for the things he said to me. i’m just pretending i have because it’s better for everyone. everyone loves him and i don’t think anyone understands why he hurt me and what he said to hurt me. he’s spoken to everyone about me. i know everyone sees me as the bad person anyway. there’s no point. fake it till you make it, that’s what they say. if i have to pretend to love him to make everyone’s life easier, then i will.

i’m so so so fucked right now.

[lukneetoonz]

Ghost of You Part III

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Summary: You were the greatest thing in Katsuki’s life…. now you’re gone.

Pairing: Bakugou x Reader

Warnings: Angst, graphic descriptions, mentions of death, cursing, hospital stuff mentioned(?), also kirishima crying 🥺

Word Count: 1,881

A/N: I am not a clown, I’m the whole circus. I really thought about making a long long chapter but it just didn’t feel right? Anyways, I’m so sorry for the long wait and thank you for sticking around, it means a lot. Here’s to 200 followers!!

NO ARTWORK POSTED IS MY OWN AND IS FOUND ON PINTEREST

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The world around you was black, but you could hear everything- feel everything. Muffled sounds of sirens, people crying, the echoes of commanding bellows, all of it surrounded you… suffocated you. Even if you wanted to open your eyes, you couldn’t. It was like your whole body was a thousand pounds, and you had no strength to even lift a finger. Was this how you die? Alone and scared?

Katsuki couldn’t breathe. If he hadn’t- only if he could of- fuck. Snapping out of his thoughts, he ran to you and picked your limp body up like it was nothing, making sure you were pressed against his chest. “Please… please please please don’t give up. You deserved better, you still deserve better. Please don’t die Y/N…. please baby I love you- I would rather have you alive and hating me then dead…” The ash blonde hero’s voice was weak and shaky, tears welling in his eyes.

Why was it when you were dying, that you could hear Katsuki’s words, but you couldn’t say your own? Not even your final ones. Even after everything, you hated that you loved him so much. Hearing his voice was so soothing to you, when he picked you up it was like the pain numbed slightly… Bakugou Katsuki always did say he would come to your rescue for the rest of his life, and he was a man that kept his word. You wished you could tell him- tell him that you loved him too, but you couldn’t.

The feeling of your body growing heavier made you panic as you began thinking of how Katsuki will think you died hating him, but that’s not the truth. You just hated that you loved him- especially after what he did. You hated yourself for letting him make you feel this way. You hated a lot of things, but you didn’t hate him. Honestly, you don’t think you had it in you to ever hate him. Trying to divert your bad thoughts, you started thinking of the last time Katsuki held you- the last time he kissed you. Would that be the last time either of those things happened, and you didn’t cherish it more…

As red eyes stared at you, running towards an ambulance he started rambling, placing you on the stretcher. Looking on, He saw the paramedics run to your side, putting a mask on your face and an IV in your hand, how could he not have saved you…. Bakugou looked around to find kirishima talking to the police, a grim look on the red haired man's face as he explained in detail what had happened. Suddenly anger started rising in Katsuki, crackles heard as he looked like he could kill the next person to get into his way, unfortunately the anger was directed at his friend.

*•*

As Kirishima saw the chaos, he knew he needed to tell Bakugou what he knew, no matter the consequences. Running up, Kirishima blocked a hit from a villain and looked at Bakugou with a guilt ridden face, “Ground Zero! She works here- 5th floor… she wasn’t off today. Go!” The explosive hero felt his heart stop beating when he heard his friends' words. You were here. Not only that, but you were still inside the half destroyed building with villains.

He couldn’t even tell his feet were moving, the ground soon not under his feet as he used his quirk to fly up to the fifth floor. What Katsuki saw- he will always remember; a scream ripped through him when his eyes followed your falling body. Breaking the glass, he tackled the villain who hurt you and dealt way more damage than necessary, half her face unrecognisable. A hand came and pulled Bakugou off the villain, Kaminari had came to help and he knew he needed to stop his friend before doing something he truly regretted.

“Bakugou! Stop-! I’ll handle the clean up, just go make sure Y/N is okay.” Red eyes burned into the electric hero before huffing, and jogging towards your body. As he saw your limp body, black veins spreading under your skin, he felt as if his heart was ripped straight out of his chest. Bakugou didn’t hesitate to first make sure you still had a pulse, and then when he was reassured that you’re alive, he picked you up and started running, a determined yet worried look on his face.

This was his fault. If he hadn’t been a complete douche, you wouldn’t have even been working there in the first place. Katsuki knew he wouldn’t be able to silence his thoughts, because as soon as they started, he couldn’t hear anything else. If you died, it would be on him. Your death would have been because of him. There was nothing in this world that he regretted more than allowing cami into your bed, but now that regret had a whole new meaning.

*•*

Arriving at the hospital, you were carried out and rushed inside, yelling and orders being tossed around. Still, you were paralyzed, the venom first attacked your motor skills, but now- it was attacking your organs. You could feel your heart slowing down, lungs taking shorter breaths, and your brain tuning everything out. Oh how badly did you want to scream out and tell them what you were feeling, tell them the way the venom was affecting you, but you couldn’t.

A giant poke was delivered to your arm, a warm, but stinging sensation traveling up your arm. Slowly you started falling asleep, one voice very distinct called out right before everything went blank. “Don’t you fucking die Y/N! I need you!!” Bakugou…. he came. A small smile graced your lips, a sign of you having control of the small feature, but before you could test out your other body functions, your whole mind went numb and the world around you went mute.

Tears rolled down Bakugou's face as he watched the medical team wheel you off, he felt helpless. For the first time in his life, Mr Pro Hero didn’t know what to do or how to help. How could he not know how to help you, the love of his life? If he couldn’t help you, how was he going to help anyone else? If you left him, Bakugou Katsuki didn’t know if he’d be able to survive. Rubbing his wet face, vermillion eyes looked around, before settling on chairs he can sit in, so he did. Even if the chairs were uncomfortable, the hero planned on staying there until he got news about you.

Uraraka came running in, a panicked face as she looked around, wanting to know where her friend was. As soon as she saw bakugou’s exhausted and miserable looking figure, she couldn’t help her own tears break through and stream down her rosy cheeks. “What happened?” The shakey female voice pulled Katsuki out of his thoughts as his eyes met uraraka’s. Motioning for her to sit down, he looked away with a sniffle, “Villain attack… a-and she was attacked by one with a spider mutation quirk.”

Uraraka knew that there was always going to be civilians that got hurt during a villain attack, but never did she think you would be one of them. Sure, there were casualties during the bigger attacks, but- that’s normally because they are in the danger zone of the fight, not deliberately attacked. “H-wh- she's gonna be fine… right?” As innocent as the question was, it made Katsuki angry. It made him angry because he didn’t know the answer to that, and he always knows the answer to everything. “Bakugou…” the soft whisper accompanied by eyes filled with sadness and pity, made the ash blonde want to explode, So he did.

“I don’t fucking know!! Okay?! Stop asking me things that I don’t know the answer to! I don’t know how she’s gonna survive this, It was like looking at a corpse already. You’re her emergency contact- so why don’t you go and ask the nurses and stop asking me!” Even if he was yelling, he wasn’t angry, he was worried. The strain in his voice gave him away, and if you looked closely you could see he was tearing up.

“She’s gonna be okay Bakugou…. you know how strong she is, there's no way she would just leave us without saying goodbye.” Uraraka’s voice was shy but full of determination. Before the conversation could continue, a doctor came out, his words muted to Bakugou, vision going blurry while he heard uraraka’s cries, as she hugged the doctor.

*•*

5 days. 120 hours. Yet, Bakugou didn’t care, nor did he care how uncomfortable the hospital chair was. He stayed by your bedside, even if you were unresponsive. Your friends came by, not only to check on you but to also check on Bakugou, they were worried for both their friends. One was in a coma, and the other started to look like a living corpse. Katsuki didn’t eat, didn't sleep, and barely drank anything, it was like he’d given up.

“Bakugou… she wouldn’t like that you’re doing this to yourself.” A hand was placed on the ash blondes shoulder, Kirishima frowning behind him. “Fuck off… you don’t know what she wants. None of us do. She’s basically fucking dead!” Standing up suddenly, Bakugou panted, lips twitching into a frown. Forcing himself to look away from you, he walked towards the door. “I-I need to get some air. Stay or leave, I don’t care.”

Walking out the door, he slammed it behind him, leaving the red haired man in your room, eyes filled with sadness. Kirishima took a seat next to you, patting your arm he sighed, “He didn’t mean it…. he’s just a mess because he loves you- and because he blames himself. I thought he was bad when you broke up, but this- Y/N you would scream at him for not taking care of himself. Please wake up, if not for yourself, please do it for Bakugou. I don’t think he would live if you die.”

As the red haired hero rested his head on your bed, your heart rate spiked, making an alarm go off on your floor, nurses and doctors rushing in suddenly. Kirishima was pushed out of the room, a panicked look on his face as he tried calling Bakugou, only to be sent to voicemail. Kiri didn’t even realize he was crying until the tears fell onto his lips, making him taste the salty liquid. You were his friend, and he knew that losing you meant losing Bakugou too, and he couldn’t bare losing two friends at once.

——————————————————————————-

Taglist; @katsukiswhore @leeeah-loooser @do-not-talk-to-me-i-am-awkward @desia2 @katsukiwonu @xxlushika @lov4kbg @aj-1154 @six-piece-chicken-mcnobody @nekee-lilac02

[intricate-oeuvre]

On how to be deadly || Geralt of Rivia || part VII

Word count: 3.5k+ a thiccc one

Summary: Axelia is Witcher experiment herself and has gone through same harsh Trials as Geralt, but she wasn’t so lucky with the outcome. Her vision didn’t become better. Therefore, she was rendered blind in the end. And because of that, she solely uses her Witcher senses to make her ways. Only potions can give her false sense of sight for limited time.Somewhere along the way she meets the Rivian. Who’s interested to know how she’s been killing monsters and hasn’t been killed herself yet.

Warnings: heavy angst, fighting.

A/N: I HAVE HEARD YOUR VOICE, DEAR READERS, SO THE JASKIER ANGST CAN START IN NEXT CHAPTER!!!

part I || part II || part III || part IV || part V || part VI || part VII || part VIII || part IX || part X || part XI || part XII || part XIII | Epilogue

A wolf is a wolf. Even in a cage. Even dressed in silk.

Both of them still were on the ground, fighting each other, when Axelia had landed a gut wrenching kick right between Geralt’s legs. Thus, sending him down on one knee.

“Oh, sweet Lord!” Jaskier winced at that, his own hands flying to cover himself.

“Should I help him?” Ciri asked as she did too wince at the unfair kick from Axelia.

“Who is she, Jaskier?” Yennefer asked before the bard could answer the first question. Yen’s eyes glued to girl’s precise movements.

“I…um… I have sworn to keep my mouth shut.” He glanced at the sorceress. Yennefer didn’t question anything else, for now, and just continued to watch.

That kick at Geralt had given Axelia window of time to recollect herself. Staying few steps in front of him, she leaned down and rested her hands on her knees. She felt angry, adrenaline pumping through her veins. She was angry at everything, more so at the witcher in front of her. She was angry at whole fucking Continent. She was done fighting with grace, ready to get hands on dirty.

“You want to go again?!” she screamed at him, flailing her hands at her sides up.

“What are you trying to prove?” Geralt grunted as he spat out some blood to his side. With a slight wince he stood up, smearing the blood off of his lips onto the back of his hand.

“That I don’t need you!” Axelia continued to scream, as she started to round him helical. The sweat that had gathered on the back of her neck, made her feel cold every time when gust of wind caught on her skin.

“Yet, here you are.” Geralt stated as he regained his fighting stance and started the rounding too.

How could he say such things? Did he not know that she couldn’t do anything about it? That whatever she chose to do, she’ll always end up wherever he is? Has he forgotten that they are soulmates? Had all these years with Yennefer, really made him forget about such things?

Axelia’s eyes turned feral and with animalistic snarl she charged at him once again. This time he had expected her action. They had trained together, after all. With step to the side in very last second, Geralt got out of her way, making her miss him entirely. But with instantaneous turn Geralt reached for her high ponytail that seemed half messy now. And with a yank back and irritated scream that was almost on boarder of painful, she was wrenched back. Her body completely thrown out of balance as her head was yanked too far back, making her land on her back on the ground with a heavy thud. Jolting all breath out of her lungs. More tears gathering in her eyes. She was sure Geralt could break her, and he will if she won’t ask him to stop. He walked closer to her, leaning over.

“Are you done?” He spat with tilt of his head, same irritation on his face as on hers. Axelia bared her bloody teeth at his upside-down form.

“Why did you follow me?!” she seethed, her nails digging in the dirt besides her.

“It works both ways, you know.” Geralt said, resting his elbow on his knee, thus leaning closer down at her. He was breathing heavily while Axelia was still trying to regain her breath which had been knocked out of her just seconds ago.

“That is: why you were drawn here is the explanation why I followed you.” He said, as his eyes glanced at his own hand that Axelia had sunk her teeth into. With painful gulp she continued staring daggers at him. Which reminded her of the knife she kept in her right boots. Planting both of her feet on the ground and bending her legs at knees she seemed done with the fight.

“I assumed that you-” Geralt caught movement with corner of his eyes. Axelia’s hand was slowly creeping along the dirt towards her boot. Geralt moved swiftly and with a stomp, firmly planted his foot on her wrist. The sudden application of force and pressure making her hand crack. Axelia hissed at him, not sure if he had broken her wrist or not.

Geralt sent her a glare and then reached for her boot to pull out the dagger hiding in there. With that ‘are you for real’ look he raised eyebrow at her.

“What? You always told to have some contingency plan.” She rolled her eyes at him. Throwing the dagger to the side, he continued on whatever he wanted to tell her before:

“As I said, before you interrupted me so vulgarly,” he applied a little bit more pressure on her wrist, making his point clear: “I believed that you knew how that soulmate banter went.” He sighed.

“I don’t know two shits about soulmates!” Axelia spat, blood flying out of her mouth as she raised head higher. Geralt narrowed his eyes at her and stepped off of her hand. With huff she cradled her hand to her chest and sat up. Her face smeared with dirt and blood, only two lines seemed clear on her face- where the tears had streamed down her cheeks from frustration. Her hair in similar state with dirt and grass in her white strands. Geralt looked matching, his hair messy with dirt and stems of grass. His face sporting similar look with all the dirt and his bloody nose.

“You’re like a savage beast.” Geralt grunted out as he looked at his bitten hand again, turning it one way and then another.

“Yeah, and you almost broke my wrist.” She grumbled and moved her hand.

“Hm.” Geralt hummed gravely.

“You’re always running. Why?” witcher asked her after brief moment of silence.

“We have spectators.” Axelia said, turning to look over her shoulder, and letting out a small hiss of pain. Her ribs most likely were bruised. For a second Geralt turned to look on their audience, but didn’t heed any more attention than that.

“Axelia.” Geralt stated her name, still waiting for her answer.

“What? What do you want me to say? Why wouldn’t I run from something that I can’t really have? From something that could have been mine, but now it isn’t? The… The… All this, whatever.” She said looking at her dirty hands.

“It’s easier to run away from you, than to be reminded of all the what ifs.” She sighed looking up at him.

“I really am a failed experiment.” She groaned laying back on the ground and staring in the grey clouds, still holding her wrist to her chest.

“Stop that.” Geralt advised. Her eyes briefly flickered to him, questioning burning in her eyes.

“You’re doubting yourself again, stop that.” Geralt explained to her. She just let out half-amused chuckled at that, seeing no true humour in it. Truth be told, Geralt was and still is the only one who ever believed in her, in all the things she did, all the things she pursued. Maybe the only thing he didn’t believe, was her pursuit in soulmates.

“Aren’t you in the position to talk.” Axelia started cynically. “You have love of your life, and she has you… Odd triangle, if you ask me.” She rolled her eyes and finally pulled herself up.

“I must leave, Geralt.” She said turning to him, her eyes momentarily jumping behind him, where one in the distance could see those three on-watchers.

“That’s her. With the dark hair, isn’t it?” she asked, slightly distracted.

“Yes.”

“And that’s… law of surprise child, Ciri…” she trailed off in her observations.

“Yes, and the third is the bard.” Geralt said with slight annoyance in his voice. Axelia’s eyes flickered back to Geralt’s face, her eyebrows furrowing. Without any other words, she turned and started to walk away. Feeling that she should finally give up on her love life. Even if it meant to lie to her own heart every time, she’ll ever stumble upon the witcher. It’s taking toll on her, nor her body, nor her mind and nor her heart could take any more damage.

“To whom are you trying to prove that?” Geralt asked in reminiscence on previous talk, when he didn’t find anything else to say to her to stop her from leaving. Axelia stopped and turned around to look at him.

“Myself.” She said determined about her answer, but it soon that feling disappeared: “I thought that I will prove it today. But then you decided to follow me. And ruin my self-restrain.”

“You have no idea how hard it is to stay away from you, whenever I learn that you are near. It’s like you have this magnetic pull that I can’t resist. My body is ready to go through such dreadful lengths just to bask in your presence. Does that make me clingy or weak? It does, but in that moment, I do not give a single flying fuck. Because that’s how soulmates work, Geralt. You asked me if I know. And I do. I have visited too many mages and sorcerers, just to get rid of all these connections and feelings. Even tried to find a fucking djinn, can you believe?” Axelia started her monologue. Back in Kaer Morhen she always was the one who felt most emotions.

“I want to start o'er so much.” She said quietly to herself, tears of desperation gathering in her eyes. Looking up at the sky, she tried to will them away.

“See? You always have my emotions fucked up.” She smiled at him through tears in her eyes. She was so deep in woods of emotions, and right now, all she wanted was to get into the clear and get rid of everything.

Geralt stood up straighter, about to take a step closer to her. But at the moment she seemed like scared animal, and with shake of her head, she took a step back. Geralt hated to see her cry. She was such of strong woman, such a fierce warrior that could be broken and beaten to the pulp, but she still would stand up and fight, and when she was crying, it meant that she was truly and utterly broken. Not only physically but also mentally.

“Axelia.” Geralt said quietly, cautiously stretching one hand in front of him, showing that he didn’t mean harm.

“Geralt.” Axelia chocked out in same manner. How did she turn from blood spitting fighter into this soft, trembling creature, was beyond Geralt’s apprehension? Did all these years, so far and yet so close to each other, left her in this state of half breaking? This reminded him when they both went through Trials of Dreams where they were going through mutations to improve their vision. He remembered all the screams, grunts and moans of pain as mutations took effect. And when the pain had ended came the clairvoyance. This epiphany type of feeling when one could see in the clearest way, catching every single dust particle in air. He had smelled that velvet rose and sandalwood in the air, signifying that he was still alive. But the utmost silence coming from besides him, where on the other table was supposedly Axelia, made dread settle deep in his gut

“Axelia?” he had questioned her silence as his eyes fell upon her face, the first thing he had the chance to see when he reopened his eyes after all that agonizing pain. And her face had looked like it did now. Full with cruel hurt, tears streaming down her face, as her mouth was half-open in silent scream.

“Geralt?” she had asked, voice trembling, her whole being shaking. The first thing he saw with his new eyes that he had gained through pain, was even more pain. On the face of a girl that was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen; on a person he loves and cares for.

“Geralt? Is everything alright?” Both of them could hear Yennefer’s voice closer. Geralt looked over his shoulder and Axelia looked past him, both of them noticing that all three of them had advanced closer. Yennefer and Ciri quite bravely walking closer, while Jaskier walked behind them – latter knowing better than to interfere.

“I’m dying a little every time I see you with her.” Axelia dried her nose in her sleeve as her eyes turned back to him. But she couldn’t stop them from flicking back to Yennefer and Ciri who still came closer, wanting to know what was going on.

“Hey, is everything alright?” Ciri looked from Geralt to the girl that was in front of them- crying, trembling and holding her injured wrist in her hand close to her heart.

Axelia’s eyes were skipping from one person to another. Too many eyes looking at her, while she was crying and being weak. She was witcher, Geralt never was like that. Her eyes stopped at the sword and dagger that were now in Ciri’s hands. Fuck that, she’ll live without that silver sword for some time. It was very expensive, but she’ll manage. Then her eyes flickered to Yennefer, who was looking at her with confusion. Then to Geralt who’s expression she couldn’t read. Back to Ciri who looked upon the crying girl with sympathy and concern. And in the end her eyes caught on her cloak that Jaskier was holding and her blindfold that was wrapped around his other arm in nonchalant way. It was such contrast, the black fabric with his dark blueish outfit. Axelia’s teary eyes flashed up to meet his. Only apologetic look gracing his features. She-witcher felt so bad and useless at the moment. She awkwardly looked down at the ground and with sob looked up. At no one in particular, somewhere above everybody’s heads. With her tongue running along the front of her teeth, Axelia turned around and went into the forest. Her only escape.

And she run.

And run. The only thing that she knew how to do.

No one followed her, but their eyes collectively turned to Geralt, who was still staring at the forest trees.

“Really, Geralt?” Jaskier questioned, his brows furrowing.

“What did you do?” Ciri asked, her eyes flickering to the woods for a second until returning to Geralt.

“Which time is it? The fourth or something, that you just let her leave like that?” Jaskier continued.

Witcher didn’t answer. And Yennefer didn’t seem happy either.

“I do hope someone will explain all of this.” She said tad annoyed. With slight anger bubbling in her eyes she looked at Jaskier then at Ciri and finally at Geralt. With a grunt witcher turned around and went back to the city, Yennefer hot on his heels and not shutting up about this whole ordeal.

“Dandelion, are you coming?” Ciri asked as she was already walking towards the forest. Jaskier looked at the cloak and tulle fabric in his hands and then looked up at Ciri.

“Are you sure, you can find her?” Jaskier furrowed his brows while catching up with Ciri.

“Geralt thought me, of course I can.” Ciri rolled her eyes playfully and walked along the road that led into the forest.

They had been walking for some time.

“So, who is she?” Ciri asked.

“To me or to Geralt?” Jaskier asked, rearranging his grip on the dark cloak.

“Oh, so she is something to you too?!” Ciri stopped for a second. Geralt once or twice had mentioned something about soulmates and the fact the he had one too. And Ciri today had made a bet with herself that the girl from earlier must have some connections to Geralt, mostly likely this all soulmates thing.

“She is his soulmate, right?” Ciri guessed, glancing down at the sword in her hands.

“Yep.” Jaskier popped the p. Then he explained everything that Geralt had let him know about Axelia, but keeping the details that she herself had told him, to himself.

Meanwhile Axelia was running on the road, hair already fallen out of that messed up ponytail. Her ears catching the sound of stream somewhere on her right. Deep in the woods, off the road. Everything was closing in and she needed to escape. Taking a sharp turn, she dodged into the woods, not following road anymore. She was running, trees scratching her face, her feet stumbling on the fallen tree branches. Her lungs were burning, and her hands started to claw at her corset. With scream of anger she pulled open the string that laced it together at the front. With half-revealed hiss, she threw corset away, her hands latching onto her forearm braces and ridding herself from them too. Unbuttoning first four buttons from the top of her shirt, she leaned against nearby tree. Tears choking her and not letting her take a deep breath of air. She sunk to the ground. Letting out a silent scream as her hands clawed at ground, her nails digging through dead leaves and dirt. She was drowning in her own tears. Breathes just coming out in broken sobs as she tried to pull in new air with choked wheezes. Everything hurt so much, that she couldn’t even stand up anymore. Her mind was worsening her, playing sweet and cherished memories before her blind eyes. She didn’t want to remember anything! She just wanted to be swallowed up by the sound of the stream that was couple feet in front of her.

“No! Stop!” she screamed at herself, her dirty nails now digging in her long hair, and pulling at the tress with such force that her face was pulled up in even more agony. Her thoughts were running circles with unwanted memories. At times, at such quantity that she was ready to run in a tree head first, and just bash her head against it until she won’t feel a thing anymore. She broke, bruised and completely alone.

***

“Why aren’t we staying on the road?” Jaskier asked, as he and Ciri were now in middle of woods and not on a trusty path anymore.

“Because she went this way.” Ciri noted as she looked at all the freshly broken branches and footprints left from Axelia’s stumbles.

“Is this hers?” Ciri asked picking up Axelia’s corset.

“And those are her vambraces...?” Jaskier nodded towards the dark forearm braces that were thrown on the ground further ahead. One further than the other. Beckoning towards Axelia’s whereabouts.

“She mostly likely is at the river.” Ciri concluded.

“Let’s hope she’s not trying to drown herself.” Jaskier mumbled walking onward.

Axelia heard them before anything else. Silent whispers flowing in the wind. And part of her told her to get up and run. But all she could manage to do was sit up against the big tree.

“Oh, please, no…” She mumbled as her tears now were silent. Occasional sob escaping her. She clumped her mouth shut, to shut herself up. Her legs were drawn to her torso, and her chin tilted down towards her chest. With fear she was waiting for the scent to finally reach her. And when she felt it, more panic settled in. At first, she felt rich fragrance, something akin to wild berries, very refined. But her panic subsided a little, when a familiar scent hit her senses. Her head immediately snapped up, her eyes welling up even more. It was familiar, but not familiar in a way that could make her run away again. It was scent that reminded her of the times when she needed someone to resort in, someone she could rely on and talk freely to. Not hiding her emotions, not keeping up the perfect witcher image. She had needed trusty ears, who would listen and not judge her. Someone who could give her false shelter from outside world and her own emotions. Even if it was for a little moment.

Then she heard the sound of two pairs of feet stepping through the dry leaves. The sound of crunching making her feel like scared animal, who is waiting for the predator to finally strike. The gentle breeze of wind, made the two scents more prominent. The second scent making her risk all of it and glance around the big tree trunk. She carefully putted her hand on the ground and with one eye she peered behind the tree. Her eyes scanned over the trees, firstly catching on the white-haired girl, that was saying something, her eyes glued on the ground in front of her feet. Then her eyes zeroed onto the second person.

Jaskier was the first of two who noticed Axelia hiding behind a tree. With small gasp he slowed his steps. Trying to show to the hurt girl, that he meant no harm. At that Ciri noticed her too, and stopped all together, not wanting to make the girl feel threatened.

“Axelia?” Jaskier questioned her, still slowly approaching her. Axelia’s eyes locked with his at the call of her name.

“Jaskier…” Axelia choked as she quickly pushed herself up. Pushing off of a tree she run to him, crushing in his chest as tears stared falling down her cheeks again, staining his shirt. Praying that she could just wish all this away.

“I’m here.” He mumbled in her hair, his eyes briefly flicking to Ciri, who only held all the sympathy for the girl in Jaskier’s arms.

~~~~

part I || part II || part III || part IV || part V || part VI || part VII || part VIII || part IX || part X || part XI || part XII || part XIII | Epilogue

tags:

@boiled-onionrings​ @fandomwithnolifesblog​ @901seconds​ @kingniazx​ @shesakillerkween @your-dreams-are-strong​ @stitchattacks​ @ayamenimthiriel​ @stormfire6​ @mr-illegal-king​ @stretchkingblog97​ @mikariell95​ @geralt-of-motherfucking-rivia​ @martian-m​ @republicansithlord​ @notso-fetch​ @lizliz3107​ @godlydolans​ @arsaky-lou​ @eternallyvenus​ @le-reina-asesina @alwayshave-faith​ @writingmi​ @staringmoony​ @kenai731 @holychic​ @dramaticturnaway​ @ihopeyousteponarosepetal​ @seouldesire​ @runs-with-sciss0rs @yes-captainstark​​ @fandomhell97​​ @newtdisneywho​​

[kzzzo]

chapter 5 - don't let it bring you down

"but don't let it bring you down and turn your face into a frown"

series masterlist - here

previous | next

a/n: wrote this right after i posted chap 4 and it's already 4 am 😃 im still not sleepy rip. so as i said, ive been writing the whole night so i don't know if this chapter makes sense sksksks

-

Kuroo had a volleyball game coming up in two weeks which made him busy after school. He hadn’t been able to pick up the triplets from daycare and look after them. As for you, he only saw you in the mornings and briefly during classes as they had volleyball practice even during class hours. To say he misses you is an understatement. He even went as far as setting the picture he secretly took of you as his lock screen wallpaper so that you were the first thing he sees when he turns on his phone. He made sure to be careful as to not let a stranger who doesn’t know of your circumstances see it.

Akaashi approached Kuroo who was sitting on the floor with his head tilted back. The curly haired male handed him a bottle of water before sitting down next to the bed haired one.

“Bokuto and I could feel how much you miss (Y/N) from a mile away.” Akaashi bluntly stated.

“Really, now.” Kuroo replied, too tired and (Y/N)-deprived to think of a snarky reply. He chugged down the water Akaashi gave him and stood up to leave. “Well, I’m going first.”

“We’ll be going, too.”

With that, all three of them went back to their respective homes. Upon arriving home, Kuroo went straight into the bathroom to shower in able to go straight to bed. Stepping out of the shower topless while drying his hair off with a towel, he fishes his gym bag for his phone only to be met with anything other than the said device. He felt his heart race. Just when he had something to hide in there, he just had to lose his phone. He poured out the contents of his bag into his bed and he felt the fatigue in his body leave him.

Meanwhile back in the university, a student who had business in the gym saw a phone light up. She picks up the phone and turn it on to try to identify the owner. The lock screen was a photo of a woman carrying what seems like a two-year old baby. She takes a closer look and was finally able to identify that it was you.

Back home you were doing your homework when you hear a series of knocks on your door. Opening it, you were met with Kuroo looking quite jittery and pale. You furrow your brows before asking him what was wrong.

“I, uh. Can you do me a favor? My phone’s missing and I’m pretty sure the location’s on.”

“Oh, sure, sure. Come in. Do you want some water?”

“I’m fine but thanks anyway.”

The two of you work together to locate his phone and he was so relieved to find out that it was just in the university, most likely in the gym. Then he remembered what he had set as his lock screen a few days ago. He quickly thanked you then rushed to pick his phone up, silently praying that no one saw his wallpaper. He didn’t think that you’d be ashamed of your sons, but then you didn’t really seem like you intended to tell people you’re not close to seeing as people usually don’t have anything nice to say. He wanted to respect that decision of yours but because of him losing his phone you might have a hard time. When he got to the university his phone was at the lost and found which only means that someone had seen his lock screen. Fuck.

The next day rolled around and you were in Kuroo’s backseat with the triplets as usual. The two of you drop them off at the daycare and when you went back to his car, he seemed paler than before. He was also tapping the stirring wheel repeatedly, something he does when something is bothering him.

“Tetsu,” the way he flinched at the sound of your voice had you even more worried. “Are you okay?”

He debated whether he should tell you what he’d done. If by chance someone did see it and the news had spread, it’d be his fault and there was a big chance that this would be the last time you’d talk to him. However, he didn’t want to keep it from you and wait before you find out yourself. He sighed, here goes.

“Listen, (Y/N). I just want to say that I’m sorry in advance,” your brows furrowed, heart beating faster. “Why don’t you go grab my phone then turn it on.”

You do as he says, eyes widening at the candid photo of you and Masao. It was surprising, but you didn’t get what was making him so troubled.

“Remember when I left that behind at uni last night?” He glanced at you to check your reaction. Your expression remained confused. “I got it from the lost and found. So, that being said… it’s highly likely that someone saw that lock screen.”

It took you a few more seconds to get what he was saying and then, oh. Oh. You got it. There’s a big chance that at this very second, people would be talking about you and your sons. You didn’t know whether to laugh or what. It was like high school all over again. You were sure of one thing, though. You were scared. Scared of having to walk through the hallways with all eyes on you, hearing their whispers. The disgust and disappointment evident in the way they looked at you.

Your silence made Kuroo even more tense. He couldn’t read your expression from the little glances he’s taking as he drives. You carefully place his phone back where it was before speaking.

“Oh.” You reply shortly. Tears were starting to pool around your eyes and you were sure your voice would break if you speak. You didn’t want Kuroo to see you being weak and worry so you turn your head away from him. He took this as a sign that you were indeed mad at him, his heart broke thinking about how he ruined everything between the two of you.

When you arrived you quickly stepped out of the car and walked ahead. Usually, Kuroo would open the door for you then you’d walk together, but of course, today would be different. Maybe even the following days, weeks, months, years. Who knows? All Kuroo knew was that he fucked up and he’d driven you away from him.

You wiped away your tears before entering the building. Just as you’d suspected, almost everyone was looking at you weird and whispering amongst themselves. You were even able to hear one of the few things they said.

“I heard that the child looked like it was already at least two, that means…”

You clenched your fists and carried on. When you entered the classroom, you were surprised to see people sitting down in their respective seats quietly. Too quietly. You expected the classroom to be the place where there’d be more people talking about you. It still didn’t change the fact, however, that some others have their eyes on you.

“Mornin’, (Y/N)!” Bokuto greeted. You smiled back at him curtly. Akaashi was looking at you with worry but you didn’t notice as you immediately sink into your seat.

Classes dragged on longer than it used to and lunch became unbearable as you decided not to join your three friends. Instead, you lock yourself in a bathroom stall, head tilted back as you try to stop your tears from falling. You thought you’d be safe there but you were proved to be wrong when at least four girls entered, gossiping about ‘that freshie who already has a child.’

‘Please, let this day end already.’ You thought.

When the classes were finally over, you went straight home instead of at work, wanting nothing else but to wrap yourself in your blanket and cry yourself to sleep. You didn’t even realize that you haven’t picked up the triplets from the daycare when you’d fallen asleep.

Kuroo was staring at your number on his phone, debating whether to call you or give you space. When he was about to turn his phone off and shove it into his gym bag, he felt it vibrate. However, instead of your name popping up like he hoped, it was an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Ah, Sir Kuroo! I’m the triplets’ teacher. Ms. (Y/N) hasn’t come to pick the boys up. I know it’s only been twenty minutes but Ms. (Y/N) is never late unless she calls to say so. She wouldn’t answer her phone either. I was hoping you could check up on her.”

He felt his heart beating faster. “O-okay. I’ll pick the boys up on the way as well. Thank you for calling me.”

“Okay, I’ll have the boys ready. Have a safe drive, sir.”

The call ended and Kuroo slung his gym bag on his shoulder. He turned to Bokuto and Akaashi who were also taking a break from practice.

“Guys, I’m going ahead. The triplets’ teacher called, apparently they haven’t been picked up yet and (Y/N)’s not answering her phone. Cover for me.” He didn’t even wait for their response when he practically sprinted to his car.

When he picked up the boys, they were staring at him with a curious look on their faces. Kuroo wasn’t able to pay mind to it as he couldn’t stop thinking about you. After the three were safely seated in their car seats, they drove to where you worked but alas, you weren’t there. Your boss explained that you didn’t come in that day and that usually you’d call when you weren’t coming in. This didn’t make Kuroo feel any better at all. The only place he knows to check was your apartment.

Back at your apartment you’d just woken up, panicking when you saw that it’s already dark out. You tried to recall if you even picked up the boys. When you remembered that you didn’t, you sprung up. Muttering a string of ‘oh shit’s, you run out of your room. You were about to open the door when someone from the other side beat you to it. Kuroo was standing in front of you, hands on the triplets’ shared stroller. Without a word, you grab the stroller from him and slammed the door on him. You were 100% sure that there were clear traces of the breakdown you had earlier so in fear of having Kuroo see you in that state, you had no choice but to cold heartedly slam the door on him.

Once again, Kuroo Tetsurou’s heart broke.

[steebharringt0n]

snapshots of our lives | b.h x you

fears and worries disappear as you and billy hold your baby boy for the first time.

warnings: like one curse word? IT’S JUST PURE FLUFF GUYS.

words: 4k

a/n: ya gurl is baaaack with some extra fluff for the holidays. a certain drawing inspired this one ;) enjoy!

--- The low humming of the heart rate monitor machine quietly echoed in the small hospital room. It was 4 in the morning, three occupants currently sleeping as dawn began to break on the California coast. One was sleeping in a tiny bassinet, wrapped up tightly in a hospital blanket and a small blue cap on his head. 

The other person was resting blissfully on the large hospital bed, their body tired and achy from the past couple of hours, and the final person was curled up on the couch, his blonde curls splayed messily as dark stubble decorated his face. He was aching to sleep in a bed, the couch was too hard for his body, but yet with all the commotion happening within the last couple of hours, sleep was just an afterthought.

Until he finally passed out from exhaustion.

He had been too excited to sleep, too nervous. His life had just done a 180 on him about several hours ago and he didn’t want to miss a single moment of his newborn son’s life.

The epidural had already kicked in, your body was numb from the waist down. Your eyes were anxiously attached to the clock, waiting, counting down the hours till baby boy Hargrove would arrive.

“You’re doing it again” his voice brought you out of the reverie you were in.

You turned your head to face him, a slight smile on his lips as his eyes met yours. He was currently sprawled out on the couch, his legs outstretched. Your hand went to rub your swollen belly, it felt as if it was going to burst if you were pregnant any longer.

“Hmm, I have no idea what you’re talking about” you played it coy, but Billy could read your face from miles away. The perks of being together for almost 4 years.

“You’re watching the clock again”

“Can you blame me? I’m almost 10 centimeters and he’s been moving around like crazy” you grunted as you shifted around in the bed, trying to find a more comfortable position. You heard Billy move around on the couch, you then watched as he grabbed the chair in the corner and pulled it over to your bedside.

He rubbed his large hand over his face, he’d been awake for almost 24 hours, those long shifts at the auto shop were starting to get to him. Your water had broken just as you two were settling down for breakfast, Billy was about ready to head off to work when you felt warm liquid trickle down your legs. 

Your body instantly froze. You dropped your fork on the table, then proceeded to clutch your stomach, your eyes shut in pain as a contraction hit you.

Billy jumped out of the chair, racing over to your side. As soon as he saw the wet stains on your dress he instantly knew.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit. I thought he wasn’t supposed to come till next week?!” he shouted as he ran across the apartment, grabbing your overnight bag and the car seat which had yet to be properly placed in the Camaro.

You breathed heavily through your nose as you waited for another contraction to hit, “He’s a baby Billy not a package! He comes when he - fuck!”

You clenched your teeth together, your nails digging imprints on your palm as a contraction sharply hit you. Billy stopped his movements and jumped over to you, crouching down and taking your hands into his.

“Hey, hey, remember what the doc said, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth”

You swallowed thickly, nodding your head at his instructions and giving him a watery smile in return. You felt like crying, the overwhelming feeling of the situation suddenly made you feel breathless. There were no instructions when it came to babies, and after today you and Billy were on your own with this tiny person.

You inhaled sharply, you could feel your hands trembling and before you knew it there were tears streaming down your face. Billy reached up, letting go of your hands and gently cupping your face, his thumbs wiping away the tears that were staining your cheeks.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay” he gently consoled. If truth be told, he was just as terrified as you were, but he had to be the strong one in this situation, hell you’re about to have a baby and all he did was cum inside of you.

You shook your head, full on sobbing at this point, “No, no, it’s not okay. We’re barely 20 years old and we’re about to have a baby, and we have no idea what we’re doing and what if we suck at this? What if we're terrible parents and - “

Billy did what he does best to shut you up - he lifted his head up and pressed his lips against yours, kissing you with so much fervor that for a second you almost forgot that your water had just broke. When he pulled away, the look in his eyes was so intense that the fear of having this baby with him suddenly melted away.

“I love you Y/N, and this baby okay?”

He pressed his hand against your stomach, he could feel his son kicking around like crazy. He was more than ready to come out into the world.

“I’m fucking terrified too okay? Ever since the day you told me you were pregnant I - I keep thinking that I’m going to turn out like Neil, or that I’m going to fuck this kid up royally in some way or form.”

“Billy - “

“And I know what you’re going to say, that I’m not going to be like Neil. But when I have those thoughts, I - I just think about what an amazing mother you’re going to be, and how I know you’re going to help keep my ass in line. All my fears about being a dad disappear when I know you’re going to be by my side”

Billy’s emotional confession had you bawling, tears cascading down your face. Billy isn’t good with words, and his emotional outbursts were still a work in progress, but you needed him to be your lifeline right now as you were with him when he was struggling. He grabbed your hand and placed a soft kiss on your knuckles,

“We’re in this together okay?”

You sniffled, bobbing your head up and down, “Okay”

“And no matter what happens I’m going to be here okay?”

“Okay”

“And we need to get you to the hospital, like, now”

Another contraction knocked the wind out of you, your face twisted in agony as shock waves of pain coursed through your body. “Yeah, lets go”

9 hours later you were still sitting at 8 centimeters dilated. The nurses would come and go every 15 minutes to check up on you but with no change all you had to do at this point was play a waiting game. You had even gotten up and walked around the hospital hoping to speed things along, but your effort was fruitless.

Billy took your hand into his, he frowned at all the IVs attached to your wrist, but they were helping keep track of your vitals, and the baby’s. He gently laced his fingers with yours.

“Do you remember our first date?”

You giggled at the memory as your mind wandered back to junior year, “How could I forget? Your Camaro broke down on the way to Benny’s and we ended up making out in your car to Whitesnake’s ‘Is this Love’ until Hopper caught us and ended up towing your car. I’d say that’s a pretty unforgettable first date”

Billy laughed alongside you. Albeit at the time he was feeling embarrassed that he wasn’t able to treat out this cute girl who had been lending him pencils the whole year.

“Do you know what I realized that night?”

Your eyebrow quirked up, “What?”

“That whether I stayed in Hawkins, or moved back to California, that there was never going to be another girl like you”

You stayed quiet as he continued to speak. You could feel his palms get sweaty as he rubbed soft circles over your hand, “You are the only girl I know that could make light of out of my car breaking down. While I was getting angry, you were just laughing. You were happy.” he paused for a second, his blue eyes met yours, warm and inviting. “You didn’t care about fancy dinners or movies or my car breaking down, you just wanted to be with me”

You squeezed his hand, raising it up to your lips and pressing a soft kiss on his fingers. “And four years later, here we are” you smirked, gesturing to your pregnant belly.

A grin spread across his cheeks, “And here we are”

You continued to pepper kisses all over his hand as his eyes never left yours, “I love you Billy.”

He stood quiet as he tried to gather his thoughts. His emotions were at an all time high. You were his girl and you were about to give him the greatest gift he could ask for - a son. The love he felt for you at this moment was insurmountable. He clenched his jaw, trying his hardest not to cry in front of you, but as soon as he blinked, tears welded up. He inhaled shakily, a tiny smile on his face, “And I love you Y/N”

There was a sudden knock at your door. Billy quickly wiped away his tears, as your doctor walked into the room.

“Ms. Y/L/N, let’s hope this baby is ready to come out”

He reached down below to check how many centimeters you were coming along. 

“Is he ready doctor?” you questioned.

“Yep. I’d say you’re about fully effaced. This baby is ready to come out” 

You let out a sigh of relief, squeezing Billy’s hand. You could feel your heart hammering loudly in your chest. The both of you exchanged looks, Billy nodding at you as you held on tight to his hand.

“You may want to go easy on his hand, you may need that for later” The doctor added as he began to call in his nurses.

As soon as the nurses began to gather around your bed, everything started to move quickly.

“Alright Y/N, you’re going to feel a lot of pressure, but when I say push, I want you to push as hard as you can” The doctor ordered. You swallowed heavily, feeling scared and nervous all at once. 

You glanced up at Billy who was standing above you. Sensing all your nerves you placed a chaste kiss on your head, “You got this princess”

He gave your hand a gentle squeeze, and you began to push.

Everything in the world suddenly went mute, and all you could focus on was pushing this baby out of you. You clenched your eyes shut, your jaw locked in tight and you swore that you were bound to break Billy’s hand with how hard you were squeezing it. You let out a loud gasp as you stopped your pushing,

“Good job Y/N! His legs are out! Just one last giant push and you’ll finally be able to meet your baby boy” the doctor kept encouraging. 

Sweat began to drench your body, you looked absolutely exhausted, but to Billy you could have never looked any more beautiful. He leaned down into your ear, “You’re so close baby, he’s almost here”

“B-Billy, it hurts ... I’m so tired ... “ you whimpered to him.

“I know princess, but our baby is almost here. We finally get to meet him” he continued, pressing kisses on the side of your face. You nodded at his words of encouragement, feeling a newfound sense of energy. You clenched his hand once more and you pushed like you’ve never pushed before. You were wailing at the top of your lungs, Billy still chanting supportive words into your ear until you heard the most beautiful scream in the world.

“Here he is! Baby Hargrove!”

The doctor held him up to the light, his little arms flailing around, searching desperately for some warmth. You opened your eyes and a sob escaped your mouth as you watched the nurses quickly whisk him away to the weighing table behind them.

“Baby Hargrove is 7 pounds and 6 ounces. He has all 10 fingers and 10 toes!” the nurse happily exclaimed through his loud cries.

You released Billy’s hand, he leaned down towards you and slammed his lips onto yours - one that was filled with love and passion. As he pulled away, his eyes began to water with tears.

“You did so good, so so good, I’m so proud of you Y/N” he croaked, brushing away your hair from your face. You nodded at him, being unable to find any words to convey this moment.

The nurse then walked over with your baby boy, all bundled up in his blanket. She gently passed him over to you, “Congratulations, he’s a beautiful baby”

Your Y/E/C eyes were wide with wonderment as you stared down at this tiny person. Billy had an incredulous look on his face, he blinked back tears at the sight in front of him. The love of his life with his son. Your fingers gently wiped away his tiny blonde wisps of hair that you sure were going to match Billy’s curls.

“H-Hi little guy ... I’m your mom ...” you whispered to him. “this guy up here is your dad, he’s a little rough around the edges but he’s secretly a big softy” 

Billy choked out a laugh at your words, wiping away his tears as his gaze never left his son.

Your baby boy was still wailing when the nurse handed him over to you, but the instant he heard your voice, he began to settle down. His cries then turned into soft whimpers, you watched as he slowly opened his eyes, taking in his new surroundings. You let a soft chuckle,

“I was right” you commented out loud to Billy.

He raised an eyebrow, “About what?”

“His eyes. They’re just like yours”

You shifted soundlessly in your sleep, turning over so that you were facing the bassinet. With one eye cracked open, you propped yourself up on your arm, careening your neck towards the sleeping baby. You were desperate to hold him, to feel him in your arms. Feeling much more awake you reached in the bassinet and gently, carefully pulled him into your arms. For weighing about 7 pounds he was a heavy little baby. As you positioned him into your arms, you hissed quietly, forgetting that your body was still sore and tired.

Luckily by the time he was comfortably resting in your arms, he was still knocked out. You chuckled to yourself, a heavy sleeper like his father.

You stared at your son in complete awe, still not being able to believe that this little human was half you and half Billy. You had so much love for this tiny little being that you felt like your heart was going to explode.

Your finger traced the outline of his little face, starting with his wrinkly little forehead. Your finger then trailed down to his nose, which you weren’t sure if he had your nose or Billy’s, but one thing you knew for sure, is that he had Billy’s ocean blue eyes. 

Your finger finally stopped at his cheeks, which were adorably chubby and you wished for a second that he would stay this little forever. 

“Hey mama, you’re up”

You twisted your head to face a sleepy Billy, sitting up and stretching his arms. With a soft smile, you patted the empty space on the bed, “Come sit with us, daddy” You wiggled your eyebrows at the innuendo.

Billy laughed, “Ooh, that may need to stop”

He kicked off his shoes and climbed into the bed, wrapping his arm around you as you snuggled into his side. The morning was beginning to creep in, letting in sunlight into the hospital room. You glanced up and met Billy’s warm gaze, you swear in all of your years that the two of you had been together, you had never seen such a look of love, and adoration in his face. 

A soft coo suddenly broke your attention off of Billy. You glanced down into your arms and saw the baby shifting, his little face twisting into a frown.

“S-should we call a nurse?” Billy asked, there was hesitation laced in his tone.

“No, no, I got this”

You slipped down your hospital gown, just enough to expose your breast. Instinctively, the baby began to root towards you, his mouth found his way towards your nipple and he instantly latched. You winced in pain as you shifted around, resting your body onto Billy’s as the baby began to feed.

“Are you okay? I can go get a nurse” Billy quickly began to speak. Seeing you still in pain was concerning to him.

“No, Billy, I’m okay I promise. Everything is just really sore” you paused, brushing your finger down his cheek, “But look, he latched”

A warm smile spread onto Billy’s lips as he watched his son eagerly eat. “He has my appetite that’s for sure”

“We still need to give him a name” you remarked.

Billy studied his son, trying to think of a good name that would match him, “Jacob?” he offered.

You scrunched up your nose, “Nah. What about … Thomas?”

“No way, Tom Hargrove? Sounds like a used car salesman”

You laughed, “Fair enough”

The both of you then became quiet, gazes locked upon the hungry baby, your minds trying to come up with a good name. Then Billy quipped, “What about Adam?”

“Adam” you tried out the name for yourself, testing to see how it sounded like. “Adam William Hargrove?”

As soon as the name came out of your mouth, Adam pulled away from you, letting out a big yawn from his mouth, milk dribbling out of the corners of his mouth. His eyes carefully opened, curious blues shifting from you to Billy.

“I think he likes it” Billy quietly said.

“We’ll let the nurse know when she comes back in, she can add it to his birth certificate”

Billy hummed in agreement, his eyes still not leaving Adam’s as the fussy baby began to shift in your arms.

“Do you want to hold him? I think you may need to burp him” you noted, as you began to unwrap him from his blanket. He was dressed in a white onesie, his little legs and arms began to move around at the drastic temperature change. Billy gently took the crying baby from your arms,

“Shh, it’s okay Adam, dad’s got ya”

Billy carefully balanced Adam’s head in his one hand, and his small body with his other hand. Adam began to quiet down when he realized that he was in Billy’s arms.

With a wide smile on his lips, Billy looked over at you. His blue eyes shined with excitement, “Hey ... he stopped crying”

You rested your chin on Billy’s shoulder, watching as Billy cradled him close to his chest. “Hmm, he knows who his dad is. You did give that big speech to him on how Mötley Crüe is ten times better than Journey”

“And now he has superior music taste, just like his old man” he grinned, winking at you.

Throughout your pregnancy you encouraged Billy to speak to him. He at first thought it was stupid, speaking to a stomach sounded silly. But when you casually mentioned that the baby would start kicking whenever Billy’s voice was heard, he made it his mission to speak to him at least once a week. His head would rest on your belly, his hand splayed out, feeling the soft pitter-patters of his kicks against his palm. You would watch amusingly, brushing his long blonde curls out of his face as he spoke to his son.

You grabbed the white cloth from the small table, placing it on Billy’s shoulder. Billy then adjusted Adam, placing his head onto his shoulder,

“... Do I just pat his back?” he questioned.

You nodded, “Gently”

Billy’s large hand was about the size of Adam’s entire body, which intimated him. He felt so fragile in his arms, he was scared that a single pat on his back would hurt him. But as gentle as he could, his hand found a steady rhythm of pats against his back.

You grinned at Billy, “Look at you, you’re a natural”

The door to your hospital room swung open, and walked in Angela, the nurse who had helped you through your delivery. With a smirk on her face and her arms crossed, she watched as you and Billy figured out how to burp Adam.

“Well I see I’m not needed here much. Did he latch on okay?”

With a swift nod of the head you turned to face Angela, “He’s been doing great. We finally figured out on a name”

“Oh yeah?”

“Adam William Hargrove” you announced to her proudly.

Angela walked over to the white board where the nurses were keeping track of all your vitals. She took a dry erase marker and in large letters she wrote ‘WELCOME ADAM WILLIAM HARGROVE’

“There, now every one will know his name. I’ll be sure to add it to his birth certificate” she closed up the marker cap and walked out of your room.

You turned your attention back to Billy who was still gently patting Adam’s back. After a couple more pats, a small burp escaped out of Adam’s mouth who then proceeded to spit up milk all over the white washcloth. Billy stood frozen, waiting to feel his spit up dribble down his back but you swiftly grabbed the clean end of the washcloth and cleaned up the mess around his mouth,

“He puked didn’t he?” Billy asked uncertainly.  

You giggled, taking away the dirty washcloth from Billy’s shoulder and tossing it on the table. You watched as Adam then proceeded to snuggle onto Billy’s shoulder, nestling his tiny head in between the crook of his neck. Adam let out a whimper, followed by a soft coo as Billy rested his hand on his body. The warmth that radiated off of his hand helped keep Adam warm.

“He’s fine, he just had to show his big ol’ dad who’s running things round here”

You placed a kiss on Adam’s forehead as he settled in Billy’s arms. His little blue eyes started to slowly close as sleep started to take him back in.

“Is he back asleep?”

You hummed out a yes. Billy then carefully shifted his body, laying all the way down so that Adam was laying on his chest. He read that skin-to-skin contact is good for newborns, and he was lucky enough that his shirt was always half-way buttoned, so he took the opportunity to move him just to where his head was resting right above his heart.

You laid back down with your boys, watching them with pure affection. With Billy’s hand still placed on Adam’s back, you interlaced your fingers with Billy, so that the both of you had your hands on Adam’s back, feeling the steady beat of his chest rise and fall with each breath he took.

Within minutes both Billy and Adam were passed out. Your eyes were tired, your body was sore, and your mind was begging you to sleep, but you couldn’t tear your eyes off away from your two favorite boys. 

If heaven was a place on earth, you were sure that this was it. No other moment in your life could ever top this.

Any fears that you had about Adam were gone, had disappeared into thin air. You wanted to laugh at how nervous you were several hours ago at his arrival, but you knew that with Billy by your side that he wouldn’t let you face this alone.

It would be the three of you, now and forever, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[sero-sphere]

PT 3! Crimson Hearts

Summary: You just moved next door to Red Riot…but you can hear everything through the paper thin walls. You open your mouth and uncover something scandalous. Lets see what happens next…

Quirk: You can feel everyones emotional aura, and can secret phermones to alter them. Only side affect is their emotions rub off on you as well, both good and bad.

Warning: angst, implied sex, alcohol use, swearing.

Taglist: @silentw-lkr​

Part 1 , Part 2

Sooo, this one is a bit longer. also, sorry it took awhile…i was making stickers!!! im probabally going to write a bonus for this tomorrow!!!( ‘ㅅ’ )

You spent your off day relaxing, taking a bath, reading some books you’ve been meaning to get to, and catching up with your favorite series. You were just about to make yourself dinner, a nice thick steak with some veggies and rice, when you heard a knock on your door. You opened it to find Red Riot.

No seriously, there Kirishima was, staring at you in nothing but his hero attire. Sure you had seen him dressed as a hero..but that was on TV. This was the first time seeing him in the flesh and you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander. Your eyes went over every ripple of every muscle, and every bruise….every scar. Those only seemed to make him more sexy.

“Hey uh, sorry to come and bother you like this. I got called into a closer district today and didn’t feel like heading back to the agency to shower…” He was blushing…hard. You wondered if he noticed that your eyes were wandering his body instead of looking at his face. You quickly corrected yourself and noticed he was holding something behind his back.

“Oh, no it’s ok…I was just a bit….distracted.” You couldn’t help the blush that came across your cheeks now as well.

“I wanted to thank you for yesterday. If you hadn’t come to apologize I don’t know what I would have done. You really made me feel better….and I don’t want you to feel bad for telling me. I’m really glad actually, I know it sucks, but it’s better now that I’m not wasting my time on her.”

“It’s what I do, making people feel better I mean. I’m glad I could help, I really am. Trust me when I say I know EXACTLY how you feel.” You flashed him an apologetic smile.

“I got you this as a little thank you, I heard you crying last night. I wanna help you too if I can.” He brought his hands around the front of him, revealing what he had hidden. He reached out to hand you an adorable red teddy bear.

“I saw this today in a store I was passing by on patrol! It reminded me of you…well not OF you, but I thought of you. It’s a Red Riot ™ teddy bear. You said you were good at hugs, so I figured you could hug this whenever you get sad.” He was nervously scratching at the back of his neck. It only showcased his abs more and you couldn’t help it, as you thought about what it would feel like to hug him everynight…and not the teddy bear.

“Thanks! It will definitely help.” You pulled him into a big hug, forgetting he was shirtless and sweaty. You didn’t mind though, you could feel his mood start to shift a bit and smiled. He wasn’t lying, you really were making him feel a bit better.

“Uh, I should probably shower, I came straight here after work. I wanted to talk to you ASAP to make sure you were ok.” He pulled away from you and pointed towards his apartment.

“Kirishima, after everything that’s happened, it’s nice you thought about me. Go take your shower! I still have your whiskey so come over whenever you want! My doors always open… well not really, knock first, but you know what I mean.”

After saying goodbye, and locking your door, you put the teddy bear on the couch next to your set up for the night and returned to cooking your meal. You had made enough that way you could have left overs tomorrow for lunch. Before you could sit down to eat it you were interrupted by another knock. It was Kirishima again, but this time he was a little bit more covered. He was wearing a black tank top, grey sweats and a bandana.

“You said anytime so I figured I’d take you up on that…normally I’d go hang with Bakugou, but he’s had a rough night too…. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not….I hope you’re hungry, I just made steak and it just so happens there’s just enough for you.” His mouth was already watering.

After showering, Kirishima realized he didn’t want to spend time alone. He wasn’t entirely lying by saying Bakugou had a rough night…he always had a rough night. He was competing for the title of “Number 1 hero” after all. Even after only knowing you for a short while, he felt comfortable around you. If he hung out with Bakugou, he would only tell him to get over it, and by get over it he would probably suggest having sex with someone else. Kirishima wasn’t quite ready for that yet, so he made his way over to your place, where he knew he could relax.

The two of you bonded over dinner, and shared the rest of his whiskey. He watched as you cuddled up with a blanket on the couch beside him and clutched the Red Riot teddy bear he had gifted you. He’s glad you really liked it, and didn’t find it weird at all. He thought of the latter after he bought it, but decided to go with it anyway.

He came over more and more after that night. Some nights you two drank, sometimes you too didn’t. Mostly you talked, you explained how your quirk worked and how you used it to help people. He told you about his ex-girlfriend, and his best friends. All about his job as a hero! Every day you felt, as he returned to his old angelic self. Just being around him made you feel so much better, and you were glad he was finally beginning to feel ok.

That’s how you ended up in this predicament. Sitting in your living room, drinking too much sake with him. You let him persuade you with his notions “ oh, hey guess what! Ive got the day off tomorrow, and it just so happens Fat Gum gave me this big bottle of sake as a thank-you.”

“I thought being a hero was about saving people…not the free shit?”

“I mean it is, but it does have its perks.”

You both drank way too much and were giggling back and forth. You felt your face heat up. You were both reminiscing about the day you two met.

“OMG I am such an idiot sometimes, I can’t believe I said that to you.” You cringed as you tried to burry your face deep into your sweatshirt.

Kirishima was laughing, falling against the backside of the couch. “I can’t believe you heard everything! I should be more embarrassed than you! I went inside and cursed thinking about how you probably would never talk to me again.”

“And here I was thinking ‘ who the fuck lasts that long…omg.’ And then when It was Red fuucking Riot, and your quirk is hardening. It made perfect fucking sense!”

He blushed. He leaned his head back against the couch, but to the side so he could maintain eye contact, as you gave you the sultriest toothiest smile. You wanted to kiss him so bad, but you stopped yourself.

“You know, I think you can take all this back to your house now?” You motioned to all the alcohol you both had on the table. One bottle had turned into 2, into 3, and so on.

“Right, but then what excuse would I have to come to see you. I am feeling better now ya know?”

“Hmmm, you think you need a reason to come and see me? I could think of a reason or two?” You raised your index finger to your bottom lip and pouted slightly. You shifted a bit in your seat and leaned a little closer towards him. Just to the point you could feel the heat radiating off of him.

“Yeah, and what would that be?”

He met you the rest of the distance, and felt as your lips brushed against his.

You had enveloped him in a kiss he wasted no time in returning. It heated up rather quickly and you felt as his hands ran up and down your back. You moved yours towards his thighs, circling your thumbs in little motions against his muscles.You both were involved in a heavy makeout session. At some point you both broke away for some air. It was pretty late and while Kirishima might not have had patrol, he did have to go in for an early morning meeting.

“You should go, I know you have a meeting in the morning. Being a Hero comes first.” You moved away from him a bit, but still made sure your fingers were intertwined with his.

“But, that wouldn’t be very manly of me to leave you like this…”

“I’ll be fine. I promise, I have an amazing hero who lives right next door. He’ll be the first one I call if I find myself needing help in the middle of the night. He’s convinced he needs reason to come and see me!”

Kirishima leaned in and gave you another kiss on the cheek. He pulled back to look into your eyes. He gave you one last kiss on the lips and left. Both of you wished you had done that sooner, it was too late to get left hanging like that. You were tired. You made sure to clean up before you tucked yourself in at least. You had a previous arrangement with your brother and he was going to be staying over for the weekend.

The night came and went, and you were headed back to your apartment with a hand full of groceries. You had met your brother at the train station, and stopped at the store on your way home. He was behind you helping with some of the load. He made some joke about how he was surprised you walked up all these stairs every day. You were giggling as you made your way to the door.

Kirishima looked out from his window and watched as you passed by laughing…with some….guy? You were with a guy? What? He assumed it was probably family, and you would explain after they were gone, and he came over to visit. But that time never came. The male that had followed you into the apartment had stayed the night with you. He felt just a tinge of jealousy. He got ready for work and wondered if he would still run into you on his way out the door, or if you would be staying in late.

His questions were answered when you called out to him from the stairs.

“Oh, hey Kirishima! Hope you got a good nights rest! Good luck at work today!”

“Hey you too right? You have a big day? Hope the takedown goes as planned.” You were scheduled to help take down a really well known gang, and it was going to be one of the more tiring work days you’ve endured. It started off fine, but quickly turned sour and you were forced into staying well into the night to make sure things went according to plan. 5 am came and went. It was now 7 when you finally made your way back home. You hoped your brother would be awake by now, to say bye before he left. You didn’t know how long you would be able to stay up for. You made it to your door before you realized you had forgotten the key in the car. By the time you made it all the way back up, Kirishima was just heading to work for the day.

“Trouble sleeping, huh?” He looked at you and laughed. It sounded a bit forced and you wondered if he was trying to avoid.    

“Yeah I guess you could say that. Things just never seemed to end last night, it just kept coming and coming.” You looked at him exhausted.

“Those walls really are paper thin, I see what you meant before, when you said you couldn’t sleep.” He wouldn’t make eye contact with you. Instead he was staring at his feet which is something you hadn’t seen him do since he was upset about his breakup.

“What do you mean?” You were utterly confused at this point. You two were the only ones whose apartments shared walls on this floor. He shouldn’t have been able to hear anyone else’s, the noise would have to come from yours.

“Uhm, I mean I wasn’t trying to listen in, but like you said it’s kinda hard not too.”

You turned towards him, and the look you gave him was enough to make him scared. You looked pretty fucking mad. “I’m going to fucking kill him!! Figures the one time I’m out for the night!!!”

“Wait what, don’t tell me..” He was starting to panic. He hoped he didn’t just catch you in the same situation he was in a few weeks earlier.

“Oh! NO, no! I’m sorry, he’s my fucking brother! I should have told you that earlier. He came to stay for a few nights for work. Better not have been on my bed I swear to God.”

Kirishima was relieved, he couldn’t stop thinking about continuing what the two of you had started the last time you were together. He had really developed feelings for you during the time the two of you spent together. He was hoping you would return them, and had gotten worried when he heard all those sinful noises during the night. Before he could answer you, you had leaned over and placed a kiss on this cheek.

“Come over tonight? Depending on how my next conversation goes, I might need someone to help break in my new mattress! That is after I’m done burning my other one of course. I might find myself in need of a Hero”

[doc-pickles]

it’s nothing funny just to talk (p. 1)

What happens when you text that random number graffitied on a bathroom stall in your favorite bar? Jo Wilson is about to find out. - In which Bar Princess and Doctor Evil Spawn meet via text.

More Jolex on your timeline because y’all seemed to love what I posted before! Also I’ve posted this whole piece on AO3 as well so it might look familiar.  

this idea came to me in a fever dream and i am not sorry that y'all have to deal with it. 99% of this fic will be in "texting" format, so be prepared for that. 

Jo is regular Alex is italics

Saturday 11:04 PM

heeeeey is thiss doctor evil?

I gotta say ur phone sex namee needs sum weerk

u soud like a comic book village 

fuck

village

VILLAIN

Who the hell is this? And how did you get my number? 

i’m just a girl at thee bar!!!! 

Joe’s Bar?

noooooo

i’m at enerlad city bar

You didn’t answer my question. 

u asked a quesitoon?

whata was it?

i’m goos at takifjg tests 

How’d you get my number?

it qas in the bathrooom!!!

it said “for a good tiem txt dr evil spawne” 

so I did

I am ready to havee fun

You’re drunk, obviously, and I’m going to have to kill Cristina for putting my number up. 

ooooooh is thatt ur girleifnd?

hirlefiend 

girlfriend**

Wow you’re really gone. And hell no, she’s my roommate. One of them. 

ooooh how many do u hav

roomees not girlfriends 

Three. Two girls and a dude. 

intereeesting...

well it’s tome for fireball shoots

steph is yeeling at me 4 txting too much

goodbey doctor eviel apawn!!

Oh lord. Tell Steph you need water. Or an IV. 

I’ve got her. she’s throwing up on her shoes. thanks doctor. - steph

  Sunday 10:11 AM

You know you’re pretty funny, Bar Girl. 

jesus christ what fucking time is it?! 

10 AM

I’m assuming you have a massive hangover. 

hold on I can’t hear you over the sound of me vomiting

TMI as the kids say these days. 

what’re you a grandpa or something?? 

No I just don’t know how to use text lingo. Except WTF. I know that one very well. 

quick question

who the fuck are you?

Dr. Evil Spawn. You found my name graffitied in the bathroom of Emerald City Bar. 

holy shit

I thought I dreamed that... WHAT THE FUCK

Nope. I’m real. 

holy shit i’m so sorry

my texts were so annoying

Who hurt you? I mean you were shitfaced, I’m assuming someone broke your heart into tiny pieces. 

the opposite actually, I was at a bachelorette party

not mine, i’m so single it hurts

Ahhh that makes sense. So you got shitfaced in solidarity? 

exactly you get it

you seem like you’d be the DD at a bachelorette party

Well seeing as I’m a dude I don’t do Bachelorette parties. 

Well I did go to one, but that’s a different story.  

hmmm you seem like a very interesting man doctor evil spawn 

going to bachelorette parties, living with women who aren’t your girlfriend 

OMG ARE YOU DATING THE GUY YOU LIVE WITH?!

George? No absolutely not. And before you ask, my other girl roommate is gay. 

so you’re single?

i’m only asking so when you murder me the police have as much information as possible

Haha very funny. I would be a terrible murderer. 

you didn’t answer my question

Fine. Yes I’m single. 

i’ll note that in the “serial killer file” i’m building 

gotta go, I have to do work :/

Have fun, don’t die. 

  Sunday 8:38 PM

Arizona is trying to set me up on a blind date. 

who’s arizona?

My gay roommate. She wants me to meet this “bubbly blonde” she knows from her pilates class. 

ahhhh. why don’t you go?

Bubbly blonde is not my type. Sounds like she’ll spend the whole date talking about how much she loves dogs or her knitting hobby. 

Plus she does pilates, that tells me more than enough. 

you’re making some good points. I don’t pity you. 

You better not. How was work?

the longest day of my life

it was just paperwork, I don’t actually work on the weekends

What do you do?

hmmmm that’s exactly what a serial killer would say

i’m an elementary school teacher

Oh so you sing and dance and paint pictures all day?

what school did you go to?

were working on multiplication tables and basic photosynthesis tomorrow

Wow that sounds like a lot.

it’s may, ive got three weeks of school left so I have to cram all the crap we didn’t cover into these last few weeks 

Ahhh that sounds more accurate.

and what do you do? 

besides text strangers that you don’t know

I’m a pediatrician. 

oh so you make kids cry and wipe snotty noses all day? two can play at that game

Well we both have to deal with snotty noses sooo...

I GET IT!! Doctor Evil Spawn!! 

why evil spawn though? 

I wasn’t this nice when I started med school. My personality is an acquired taste. 

ha! that’s a funny joke. 

so if you’re a fancy schmancy doctor why do you live with three other people?

I’m only a resident, not making the big bucks yet. Everyone else is a doctor too. 

are they all pediatricians?

No. Arizona is too but Cristina is a cardiologist and George is a trauma specialist. 

interesting!! I too live with my coworkers. it’s not fun. 

the table is always covered in craft supplies. 

Well I can never read the grocery list on the fridge. Stupid doctors script...

oh that’s a classic. you’re pretty funny Dr. Evil Spawn

Thanks Bar Girl. 

I gotta go. monday tomorrow and you know how fourth graders can be. night!! 

Night . 

  Monday 9:47 AM

there’s not enough coffee in the world for monday mornings. 

  Monday 10:52 AM 

Sorry I was yelling at the interns. We have a decent coffee cart here. Keeps me alive. Are you texting in class?

no it was recess

now they’re at spanish class

i’m not totally irresponsible 

Oh good to know the future of America is in good hands. Teacher Princess is “not totally irresponsible”

teacher princess?

Well, Cinderella lost her shoe, you puked on yours. Same thing. 

wooooooooow

that was so uncalled for...

I thought it was funny. Gotta go set a broken arm. 

broken arm vs. adverbs... can we switch? have fun lol

  Monday 3:26 PM

I don’t even think I know what an adverb is. 

how did you become a doctor??

Don’t need to know adverbs to fix a couple broken bones and snuffy noses. 

oh darn I should’ve gone to school for seven more years then

Haha. How were the adverbs?

better than expected, grading papers while I wait for my roomies to be done

we carpool, saving the environment and shit

Okay Eco Warrior.

you text like a 60 year old man

you’re not a 60 year old man are you?

No I’m a 28 year old man though

28 a doctor and you’re single? your personality must be worse than you described 

I’m a busy man, I don’t have time to settle down. And I have no desire to. 

yet you have time to text a complete stranger? 

hmmmm interesting...

Ouch, that one hurt Princess. 

steph is making me socialize with the other teachers

if I don’t respond, they killed me or dragged me to an essential oil party

Hahahaha

  Monday 5:18 PM

Did you get roped into a pyramid scheme?

nooo but therew as wine

I should sotp drunk texting you so often 

It makes your presence that much more entertaining. And bearable. 

woah woah dude

i’m a gem 

I can tell. Elementary school teacher with a heart of gold. 

awwww your too sweet tome

It’s a Monday. Who the hell gets drunk on a Monday?

teachers

we deserve it

You’re a teacher and you’re single and still going to Bachelorette parties. You’re what, 23? 

i’m 25 and i’m doing greta thanks you very nuch 

cnat believe that i’m supplying my perosnal info to a serial killer

What makes you so sure that I’m a mass murderer? 

ur weird nickname and ur intimate knowledge of the himan body

Mmm yes well a good amount of women do find themselves screaming around me often. Or under me. On top of me...

omg are you sending me dirty jokes

you’re crazy 

What can I say. 

Gotta go, I’m on call tonight. Get to bed safe, Bar Princess. 

mmmkay thanks Doc

  Wednesday 11:29 AM

What do you think is worse: School lunch or hospital food?

hospital food, no doubt

thursday is mac and cheese day here... I could bathe in that stuff

We have Spaghetti Wednesday but that’s the only good thing here. 

mmm how depressing

the teachers do a pot luck once a month and that’s always good

the art teacher next door to me makes the BEST blueberry muffins. 

Lucky. All I get here is vending machine cookies. Anything interesting happening in the elementary world? 

a first grader got lice last week so naturally we all have it now

I had to chop off six inches of my hair

Holy crap. Lice can be vicious, be thankful you didn’t have to shave your head. 

it feels like I did, my hair hasn’t been above my shoulders since the backstreet boys were still touring

Wow. I’m glad to know you’re well cultured. 

of course I am

gotta go, kids are back from music class

Don’t be too hard on them, they deserve a break every once in awhile. 

  Thursday 3:06 PM

Incoming Voice Call

“Jenna you forgot your lunch pail. Have a good day!”

“Hello?”

“Hi Mrs. Peters. I didn’t grade Henry’s test yet, I’ll have it tomorrow. Thanks bye!”

“Helloooo?”

“Steph I gotta grab my things, I’ll be there in a seco- oh shit. Hello?”

“Bar Princess?”

“Doctor Evil Spawn? I must’ve butt dialed you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay I... I don’t mind the interruption. Are you leaving work?”

“Just about, we’re wrapping up the solar system and I have to bring home the diorama.”

“I was never good at the models, I prefer working with the real thing.”

“Oh ho, a man that works with his hands. I can appreciate that.”

“You know now we’re officially talking and we still don’t know each other’s names.”

“Well around here I’m Miss Wilson, but you can call me Jo.”

“Jo. Hmm I like chicks with dudes names. I’m Dr. Karev but you can call me Alex.”

“Well nice to kinda meet you Alex. I’ll talk to you soon, I gotta get out of here.”

“Talk to you later.”  

  Thursday 4:34 PM

I wouldn’t mind if you were my teacher.

how did I know you’d send me something along those lines

I’m predictable. I’m still calling you Bar Princess. 

as you wish doctor evil spawn

I get to assist on a surgery today. Tonsillectomy. 

like removing tonsils? that’s awesome

for you, not for the kid

Oh she’ll be fine, she gets ice cream and jello for a week.  

okay yeah I might be jealous of her now

id love to be off work for a week and have you waiting on me hand and foot

the ice cream is a nice bonus

You think that’s my job?

well you said you aren’t making the big bucks yet so.... yeah 

Keep dreaming. I’ll talk to you later, gotta scrub in. 

have fun!!!!

[oh-shit-a-baby]

BLACK FRIDAY THOUGHTS PART TWO

A complete compilation of my thoughts throughout the musicals second half,,, this bois going to be real long bc I have a lot of thoughts lol

Now without @drawinglinesinarbitraryplaces :(

Yep dumbledore can still sing

Omg his voice

This song is going to make me cry aaaaa

Becky: you don’t look at all the same as I remember

Me: yeah no shit dumbledore grew a beard

Jesus,,,,, theyre just going to go for it right there,,,,,, ookay

Wtaf is this movie they’re watching

HOLY SHIT HER VOICE IS /PRETTY/ HER RANGE IS HUGE!!!

Idk if this is an unpopular opinion bc no one has an opinion yet but Becky and toms song is the cutest one ever and a bop and I love it

Jesus they payed for a balcony and they’re going to fucking use it aren’t they

WELCOME TO PEIP HQ IM SO DOWN FOR THAT

OH THERE ARE MANY DIMENSIONS????? U GONNA EXPLAIN THAT MR GENERAL MACNAMARA????

The black and white isn’t that what lexs sister was on about

Wiggly is the king u wot m8

President kurt knows nothing about anything and that’s a mood

So if the next movie isn’t about ‘13 years ago’ imma freak

U WANNA SEND ME INTO THE FUCKIN TWILIGHT ZONE AND HAVE DINNER WITH THE DEVIL??????!?!!

NO!!! FUCK THAT!!!!! FUCK THAT!!!!! FUCK THAT!!!!!

^^^president kurt quotes

In short, mr president, we are trying to stop the birth

*dramatic piano*

Of a god.

*dRAMATIC PIANO*

It’s good score tho 10/10

Sherman young

Nuff said

After today’s great battle???

Faith in the one true god!! All hail wiggly!!!

My new religion lol

LET LAKESIDE MALL BE A NEW JERUSALEM!!!!

*cue joey and Robert just screaming wiggly for like 5 mins straight*

NO THEY FOUND LEX

OH YEAH FUCKIN KILL THEM!!!

Who????????

FUCK YEAH LINDA

CULT??? NO! ITS A NEW EXCITING RELIGION THAT I STARTED!!!!

Yeah Gerald

She pronounces Cinnabon as see-nah-bohn what’s up with that lol

I NEED A WIGGLY DOLL...... IDEALLY FOUR OF THEM!!!

IVE MET GOD. HE HAD NOTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT YOU.

*cue people dying and their mics stopping working*

Holy fuck they all wanna kill Hannah now (lexs sister gets a name now apparently)

LAUREN I LOVE YOU AS A VILLAIN

I would kneel before villain Lauren any day

I will deestroy everything, and then I will deestroy everything, and then I will deestroy everything and then I will oh shit it’s Gerald.

While I don’t want you to think for yourselves I do want you to understand what I mean when I say my evil shit

I’m sorry that choreo is a yike

ETHAN DARLING COME BACK I MISS YOU <<<333333

IM CRYING NOW

He’s in the black and white now we’ll that sounds like shit

NOT ETHAN

Hannah is the unsung hero of this musical so far

*said in wiggly voice* well, webby (Hannah’s spider imaginary friend who I think is gonna be the deus ex machina of this thing) is a stupid bitch!

Rotten little banana. I’m going to peel you. I’m going to split you in two. I’m going to eat you Hannah. I’m going to eat you right now. *all said in dramatic wiggly voice*

Aaand their mics broke again

We don’t get tricked! We’re grown ups!

And Becky and Tom are immediately evil the second they see the wiggly bc of course they are

Jesus beckys the villain???????

Welcome to the musical where everyone gets a villain song AND a hero song??????

Her voice is still beautiful

*Prancing around* DO YOU WANT SOME CANDYYYYY??????

She’s still wearing ethans hat my heart is going to go oh my god

And he just,,,,, leaves Becky to die?????

President Kurt in a space suit oh my god

And America is great again is playing in the background

MACNAMARA SAID ‘GODSPEED’ AND IS THAT A CATCHPHRASE I SENSE THERE

Yeah no president kurt can’t do foreign policy

His name is like howie or something but imma call him president kurt just like Tom was dumbledore for like the first half of this mess

Oh fuck joeys character is here and he’s gonna FUCK PREZ KURT UP

He’s eating an apple that means he’s a asshole

Holy fuck joeys character is like the ultimate capitalist

And also terrifying holy shit

NO MACNAMARA DONT GO IN THERE

Joeys character: Do you think that in the Netherlands they’d care about some toy??? Nah!!! They’re too busy with their free vacations and FREE healthcare!!

(When I refer to joeys character I mean the evil one he just doesn’t have a name yet so idk what to call him)

And joey can still sing I love him

His voice is so good and this whole villain is giving me spies are forever flashbacks

I have absolutely no fuckin clue what’s going on rn

Holy fuck joeys voice is so beautiful and his range is killing me

I take back what I said earlier this song is the best one bc joey

Holy fuck someone just hit like a high d and I have no clue who it was bc the video quality is not the greatest

JESUS THATS TERRIFYING

THE FUCK YOU MEAN DONT BE FRIGHTENED THATS MY SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON

LOOK AT THIS FUCKER JESUS CHRIST

Wiggly is so scary because he speaks like a child and those are scary

MACNAMARA EX MACHINA

Mac: BEGONE

Prez kurt: SORRY JOHN I FUCKED IT UP

THATS THE HOOK FROM NOT YOUR SEED ISNT IT HOLY SHIT

Joeys voice and acting is gonna kill me

Yeah made in America is the shit

MAC NO U CANT DIE U DIE IN TGWDLM

Also the black and white is a dumb as shit name for an alternate reality

Prez kurt: MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

*wiggly voice* Uh-oh mr prezzy-wez. It seems you’ve misplaced your bomby-womb.

Well shits about to go down

I’m calling it the bomb bombed the White House

Oop no they’ve only gone and lost Moscow

Well fuck here comes ww3 I guess

And prez kurt is definitely insane in the brain

ITS THE HOOK AGAIN THE ‘ALIENS INVADING MINDS’ BIT OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE A MUSICAL GENIUS

Jesus Sherman is a weird fuck and lex is kinda clever I guess it’s a shame we haven’t seen her for most of the musical

Lex: I THREW EM IN THE FUCKIN TRASH

LEX BABY NO DONT DIE

Lex: Is this what I live for? To be choked in a toy store?

Lexs beautiful song is this musicals version of not your seed but depression

And her voice is /pretty/

MAC?????????????

WHAT??????????????

OH MY GOD HE IS AUTHORISING HER TO USE HIS FIREARM YES QUEEN

I’m sorry lex and Hannah can do what

Jeffs voice kills me him and joey need a duet and that would be the end of me

What did lex just do in so confused

MAC DID THE SALUTE IMMA CRY YALL

And we’re back with Tom

Oh fuck lex is gonna shoot tom

Hold up Tom names his son Tim

Wiggly is playing mind tricks now yikes

Lex: KIDS DONT WANT THAT PEICE OF SHIT!!!

Tom: wat

Lex: THEYRE ALL INTO FORTNITE DUDE!!!!!

So the doll can only fuck with adults not kids???

Jesus Christ this is depressing

U wot lex

Lex: YOURE LIKE 40!!!!! YOU PROBABLY THINK YOURE LIFE IS OVER!!!!

Holy fuck this shit is deep

Wait lex still doesn’t know about Ethan oh my god

And Dylan gets another hero song holy fuck just give Robert a song already everyone else has one

At the same time though this is S a d

I’m not crying you’re crying

YES DUMBLEDORE U HIT THAT HIGH NOTE

Tom: in fact you’re real fuckin ugly

Me: yeah no shit

Lex: FUCK YEAH!!!! Should i move these boxes first?

*cue very clever scene change*

Yeah Gerald no one wants to talk to u

Oh my god Linda leave Hannah and ethans hat alone my heart is breaking for Hannah

Linda: is this some kind of a jooooke?????

They’re gonna set one of their dolls on fire ok ok ok this is fine

More villain songs ookay

If someone could tell me what the fuck is going on in this scene I’d be very impressed

Evil yoga

YES LAUREN U QUEEN

HOLY FUCK IS THAT CHARLOTTE??????

OH MY GOD ITS JAIME IN THE CHARLOTTE COSTUME IT IS CHARLOTTE HOLY SHIT

ITS CHARLOTTE AND THE HOMELESS DUDE HOLY SHIT

The choreo is...... interesting

Cue Robert not-Corey and Lauren being the only good dancers and getting special choreo

FUCK YEAH BECKY WITH THE GUN

LINDA NO

Ookay so everyone’s on fire this is fine

Emma and Paul ex machina

SOMEBODY NUKED MOSCOW!

paul is family third wheeling

YOU KNOW, SHE HAS THIS KOOKY RECLUSIVE BIOLOGY PROFESSOR

*audience fucking looses their shit*

WHO LIVES ON THE EDGE OF TOWN

Paul is having an existential crisi because he sHOULD HAVE WORN A WATCH

Someone’s gonna fall of that staircase by the end of this performance

HOLY FUCK ITS THE HOT CHOCOLATE KID

IT IS THE HOT CHOCOLATE KID OH NY GODDDDD

LOOK AT HIM

It’s the what if tomorrow comes bit!!!!!!!

Okay again this choreo is interesting but the vocals are all S t u n n i n g

They’re literally counting down until the end of the show imma loose my shit that’s the least subtle they’ve been during the entire show

Hang on hang on hang on hang on haaaaang on right there

Did lex just never find out that her boyfriend died we were deprived of a heart wrenching moment when she found out about Ethan

Like jeez I cried and I barely knew him she was dating the guy and just... didn’t ask about him????

ITS THE HOOK AGAIN

That’s it!!!!! Those were my thoughts the first time I watched this through!!!!!!!

Scream at me in the notes with any questions and I’ll try answer them :)

[thewritingstar]

Ah well were all at home better ask all 200 questions g, don't really know much about u

200 QUESTIONS???? ALRIGHT HERE YA GO. 

hope you enjoy me spending an hour answering all of these :) 

200: My crush’s name is: N/A 199: I was born in: 2000 198: I am really: nice 197: My cellphone company is: idk 196: My eye color is: Hazel, can turn dark brown or light green sometimes 195: My shoe size is: 8 194: My ring size is: 7 I think 193: My height is: 5′3 192: I am allergic to: penicillin  191: My 1st car was: Toyota  190: My 1st job was: Baskin Robbins  189: Last book you read: Suicide Notes (highly recommend)  188: My bed is: galaxy bedding and is currently on the floor in my bed fram cause my friends broke it... 187: My pet: Black cockapoo and a white cockapoo named Abby and Molly 186: My best friend: is a hoe 185: My favorite shampoo is: herbal essence color me happy  184: Xbox or ps3: I perfer Wii, Wii U or Nintendo switch  183: Piggy banks are: cute, Mine is a ducktales cup  182: In my pockets: nothing rn 181: On my calendar: nothing rn 180: Marriage is: a good thing but not a necessity for a happy life 179: Spongebob can: get it  178: My mom: is a queen  177: The last three songs I bought were? i only buy cds for my car so: Lover, Hozier, Blink 182 176: Last YouTube video watched: The Office deleted scenes 175: How many cousins do you have? 8 but I only see four of them and two of them are adults with kids so i consider them more of aunt and uncle figures 174: Do you have any siblings? One older sister  173: Are your parents divorced? Nope  172: Are you taller than your mom? Nope 171: Do you play an instrument? Nope 170: What did you do yesterday? Sat on ass and watched youtube 

[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: ye why not 168: Luck: yes  167: Fate: yes 166: Yourself: kinda 165: Aliens: yes 164: Heaven: mmmm yes i guess 163: Hell: yes 162: God: uhhhhh yes and no, kinda indifferent 161: Horoscopes: yep 160: Soul mates: yesss 159: Ghosts: ye 158: Gay Marriage: WHO THE FUCK DOESNT BELIEVE IN THISS?? ITS REAL  157: War: think it does more harm than good 156: Orbs: ye 155: Magic: ye i wanna be a wizard 

[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs 153: Drunk or High: drunk, i dont do drugs and i dont drink yet but ill prob get drunk  152: Phone or Online: oo i use both but Online i guess 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black hair 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 149: Hot or cold: HOT 148: Summer or winter: Summer 147: Autumn or Spring: Both 146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla  145: Night or Day: Day 144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: I have straight hair but curly hair is also beautiful 142: McDonalds or Burger King: BURGER KING..I HATE MCDONALDS 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK 140: Mac or PC: Pc 139: Flip flops or high heals:...High heels prob 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR, IM ALREADY UGLY 137: Coke or Pepsi: NEITHER 136: Hillary or Obama: obama  135: Burried or cremated: cremated 134: Singing or Dancing: love both but maybe dancing rn 133: Coach or Chanel: Coach  132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: idk who they are 131: Small town or Big city: Big city, i grew up in a small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas  125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: DISNEY  123: Yankees or Red Sox: eww sports 

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War:....does more harm than good  121: George Bush:....dont know enough to say but im pretty sure he was an awful human  120: Gay Marriage: It should just be called marriage, just because you’re gay doesnt make it any less or any more, its equal to other marriages  119: The presidential election: 118: Abortion: Pro Choice, no one has the right to tell someone what to do with their body 117: MySpace: i never used it cause i was too young but i bet it was lit 116: Reality TV: its funny af  115: Parents: are nice if they care about their child but if they are abusive or horrible then they dont deserve respect  114: Back stabbers: should be stabbed  113: Ebay: its nice  112: Facebook: full of idiots and boomers  111: Work: a scam  110: My Neighbors: they fine 109: Gas Prices: A SCAM 108: Designer Clothes: a nice but really $200 for socks, no mama 107: College: SHOULD BE FREE 106: Sports: fun but no one needs to make that much money for throwing a ball 105: My family: i like them 104: The future: is wild and idk at this point 

[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: my mom like a few days ago 102: Last time you ate: at 11 today! 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile:  100: Cried in front of someone: my mom after i yelled at her 99: Went to a movie theater: i saw Onward when we were allowed outside 98: Took a vacation: went to disneyland last October  97: Swam in a pool: like almost two years sadly  96: Changed a diaper: when i was like 8  95: Got my nails done: never got them done because my mom wouldnt take me cause i was a ‘tom boy’  94: Went to a wedding: never  93: Broke a bone: when i was three, my big toe 92: Got a piercing: my nose in January  91: Broke the law: i guess i sped the other day  90: Texted: literally as im doing this 

[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: my friend 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: the silence of being alone 87: The last movie I saw: Princess and the Frog 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Moving for college 85: The thing im not looking forward to:  84: People call me: Deanna (real name), Dean, Star (what yall call me) ton of others 83: The most difficult thing to do is: idk  82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never 81: My zodiac sign is: Aries 80: The first person i talked to today was:  79: First time you had a crush: Ive had  78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my best friends 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: my friends over ft  76: Right now I am talking to: no one 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully being an animator  74: I have/will get a job: at disney  73: Tomorrow: doing nothing 72: Today: doing nothing  71: Next Summer: hopefully not on quarantine  70: Next Weekend: nothing special  69: I have these pets: 2 doggos 68: The worst sound in the world: ICE SCRAPING OR MOUTH BREATHING 67: The person that makes me cry the most is:  66: People that make you happy: my friends 65: Last time I cried: few days ago  64: My friends are: my world 63: My computer is: a Dell  62: My School: is a community college  61: My Car: it goes 60: I lose all respect for people who: are bigots, dehumanize people, republicans  59: The movie I cried at was: Onward had me sobbing  58: Your hair color is: Brown rn 57: TV shows you watch: theres too many 56: Favorite web site: tumblr or youtube 55: Your dream vacation: every disney park  54: The worst pain I was ever in was: i think when i cut my finger or when i went to the hospital for my chest  53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium rare  52: My room is: disney themed and my safe zone 51: My favorite celebrity is: Tara Strong  50: Where would you like to be: Disneyland 49: Do you want children: ehh maybe  48: Ever been in love: nope 47: Who’s your best friend: my neighbor that ive known since i was 4 46: More guy friends or girl friends: more girl 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: making cake  44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my cousin 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: not really  42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: ye 41: Have you pre-named your children: kinda 40: Last person I got mad at: my mom 39: I would like to move to: La 38: I wish I was a professional: animator

[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Kitkat 36: Vehicle: Cars 35: President: 34: State visited: California, Nevada, Texas, Hawaii,  33: Cellphone provider: 32: Athlete: n/a 31: Actor: Colin O'Donoghue 30: Actress: Lana Parrilla 29: Singer: Joe Jonas, Taylor Swift  28: Band: Big Time Rush 27: Clothing store: Hot topic, Ross,  26: Grocery store: Safeway  25: TV show: Once Upon A Time or PPG  24: Movie: Princess and the Frog and Ratatouille  23: Website: tumblr  22: Animal: elephant  21: Theme park: disneyland  20: Holiday: Halloween  19: Sport to watch: hockey  18: Sport to play:..i do not play  17: Magazine: i dont read mags  16: Book: Kingdom Keepers  15: Day of the week: Friday  14: Beach: one i went to in Hawaii  13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers  12: Thing to cook: chowmein and strawberry shortcake  11: Food: Chowmein  10: Restaurant: my fav Chinese restaurant  9: Radio station: I don’t listen to the radio  8: Yankee candle scent: Vanilla  7: Perfume: Vanilla  6: Flower: Rose or Larkspur  5: Color: Black or blue  4: Talk show host: umm i dont watch many but i guess Jimmy Fallon  3: Comedian: Jaboukie Young-White or John Mulaney  2: Dog breed: Pomeranian  1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ye 

[crystalinn]

I haven’t posted about this here yet, but boy howdy has my life been A Mess™️ of late.

TW: medical talk, high stress situations, mentions of blood under the cut

This is a very long post, so a mild TL;DR: ma’s sick and this is me for eternity now (loud noises in video): 

Picture it. November 10th (ish. Time is hard.). The motherbeast came down with a case of viral bronchitis. She got a few days off work to recover. 

A couple days pass. She went back to work. Her manager sent her in the cooler for two hours. 

An immediate downturn ft. a fall out of bed that took 45 minutes to fix, heavy panting, confusion, the whole lot. She went to the Express ER. They said “oh hey, your viral bronchitis has become full blown pneumonia. You’re goin’ to the Real Hospital™️ for two days. See if you respond well.” Turns out, she did, at first. 

About a week or two of what seemed like solid improvement all came crashing back down when her return to work arrived. She went back to work... or tried to. She went to step onto the curb and gravity said no. She faceplanted the pavement, and the ambulance was called. A thorough concussion check later, and her manager drove her and her truck home. The next day, she went back to the Express ER, and they said “oh shit, your lung xray is worse than last time. Back to the Hospital for you.” 

That stay was nine days long. She was tested for tuberculosis (which came back negative, thankfully), and had a PICC line installed. During said stay, she did get rather confused and agitated, as it was near the end of the month and the rent needed paid. She called me in the middle of the night, asking me to move her IV... despite me being at home. So that was a thing.

After she came home on the 4th of this month (December), I had to start administering her PICC line antibiotics, every 8 hours. Did y’all know that cefepime (a bigboi antibiotic) smells like someone doing unholy things to eggs? Sulfuric smelling bullshit, that. Had some hiccups there, what with massive air bubbles in the line and getting the infusion orb stuck on the line. We were supposed to be done the 25th. Then she went to her new primary care doctor, and it was extended to the 6th of January, which h.

Anyway, fast forward to the 23rd. Mum was out with a pal, getting some groceries, and some Miralax ‘cause... y’know, and she fell on her ass. At this point, falling down is like a glowing neon red flag. She came home, was a bit wobbly, but was generally okay. Her primary care doctor called after the home health nurses stole some blood to tell her that her potassium levels are critical. A friend/my ‘adopted’ brotherbeast, Frank, brought her a fuckton of bananas that night. 

Now this is where it gets real fuckin’ spicy. The morning of the 24th, after we get done with the 7am orb, I gave her a dose of Miralax. She was fine, until the 3pm orb, when severe gut cramps showed up. Those lasted until about midnight when things... moved along. After that, shit went downhill fast. I put her to bed after orb times at 11 pm, and she kept waking up. As time went on, she got more and more confused. Like, she knew general things, in a kinda slow way, but she could not follow directions. On the morning of the 25th (fucking Christmas.), things had reached its boiling point. She was very confused, unable to focus, slurring words. I rang up a friend, Sandy (who has been a massive help this whole time of Fuckery), to get her to the ER. This triggered a complete meltdown. It took both of us to get her out of her chair, not to mention the sudden burst of confused crying and begging not to go. 

We finally managed to get her there, and the ER’s like “yo this looks like a stroke, so we’re gonna keep her, do an MRI or three, and get back to you.” Turns out she was very dehydrated, currently has a UTI, and is still a bit... shall we say, fucked up. But, the MRI came out clean, but there was some issue with the PICC with like, a blood clot, but they cleaned it out, so they let her go on the 26th. 

But just wait for it... I put her to bed pretty much as soon as she got home, ‘cause she doesn’t sleep in the hospital. Makes sense, right? I went to check on her at about 8, and she was unable to really comply with requests/commands/questions. I’d ask “what’s your name?”, I’d get her name (most of the time), but when I’d ask “when’s your birthday?”, I’d get her name again. Or the fact she lost her PICC line cap, and I’d ask her to hold the newly sterilized port so it wouldn’t touch anything, she’d say okay, take it, and immediately drop it. Repeatedly. 

I broke down whilst on the phone with my dad because everything has been too much of late, and eventually put her back to bed to wait for the 11pm orb. 

11pm rolled around... and well. I couldn’t get her to wake up. She’d react to me poking and prodding her by making noise and moving away, but she would not wake up. Not properly. So, I called the on call home health nurse to see if she could help, and she pretty much told me to just call an ambulance. Not wanting the expense because I live in Hell the US, I called my dad. He helped me try to wake her up over the phone, but she flat refused. I was left with no choice. So, I called the ambulance, and just before they knocked on the door, she sat up like “huh?” but extra confused. She almost didn’t go to the hospital because she said “nah, I don’t want to go” but one of the EMTs was like “nah, you gotta go.”

So, she spent about 8 hours in the ER, and they told me that they can’t keep her since she was mostly lucid, but they did float an Idea (a skilled nursing facility, at least until she got her ducks in a row) to her that was immediately denied, but with some prodding from me, she finally agreed. So they moved her upstairs from the ER to keep her until they can find a facility in the Blue Cross/Blue Shield network that’s reasonably local. The one that came to visit yesterday turned out to not be, and I’m pretty sure the dude kicked it back to the Case Supervisor to see if they can find another. But, after they moved her into her room, she’s cleared up quite a bit. 

She’s still a bit slow on the uptake sometimes, a bit unfocused, and can get caught out in the grapes mentally, but she has improved a lot. 

Oh, and another thing she’s been doing is fighting me re: eating since the first go around. Bread’s a texture issue, rice is hard to eat without teeth, and everything else “smells bad” (which, since she’s quit smoking as of that second hospital stay... I understand, but you gotta sometimes push past that.) I did manage bananas though. Thank fuck for those. 

But, back to the plot: today (the 28th) was a decent day. Much clearer, less starts and stops in her speech. A bit more focused. She didn’t manage to sleep last night, so she was kinda tired. Had another MRI, but we won’t know about that until probably tomorrow (the 29th). Maybe. Had some PICC issues, though. The nurse got the cefepime running just fine, then mum had to use the bathroom, and when she came out, the machine started screaming bloody murder. After that, the nurse came back and tried to flush the line, since the cefepime was unable to run, and when she took the syringe off, the saline shot right back out... which ain’t supposed to happen. Hit me, the nurse, mum, the bed... probably got the windows too. So they’re working on that, and hopefully they figure it out.

Had my own woes at the hospital today, too. The sole of my boot fell off, so my ride/friend/adopted sister?, Sandy, went to walmart and got me some Heavy Duty Superglue, which I got it about half way stuck before we had to leave... then when we were pulling into the parking lot at home, the nurse in charge called to ask some questions about the PICC, the antibiotic, how long it’d been there, how long she was supposed to be on it, the pharmacy’s number, all that. So I went to get out of the car, my coke bottle fell out of my pocket, started rolling under the car, and I overextended. Fell right on my knees. They are not happy. Took a hot minute to get my dumb ass off the ground, without hurting Sandy, who is like 5′2″ and v smol. I am 5′6″ and... decidedly not. Plus the bonus rain.

UPDATE 12/29/2019: the diverticulitis has made a reappearance. It’s like everything is just It’s free real estate.

UPDATE 12/31/2019: Around 2 am this morning, she managed to roll out of bed and whack her head pretty good on something. They did a CT scan, and it came out clean. No concussion. However, now she has a sitter/keeper/minder to make sure she doesn’t do it again. It’s a good thing the nurses heard her fall, ‘cause despite being armed, the bed alarm didn’t go off. I know of all of this, ‘cause the hospital called me at 3 this morning, and boy howdy that’s a gut drop, let me tell you. But, better a CT ride and a bump on her noggin vs. the alternative. Sure is one thing after a-fucking-nother, ain’t it though.

UPDATE 1/1/2020: 2019 keep your problems challenge: she's had a major mental shift again, and now she's really groggy, really confused... So the hospital moved her to the ICU and called me for consent on a spinal tap, just to make sure they're not missing anything. Other than that, they've done x-rays and another CT, I think to check her spine, hips, the one leg she's been having issues with. The doctors also think that it may be the cefepime causing this altered mental state, and after doing some digging, boy howdy I sure believe it. Cephalosporins are some nasty fuckers.

So! That’s been my month and a half! I’d like to take a break now, please!

EDIT: Further updates found here.

[ilovemygaydad]

Friends in Dark Places [remastered; ch 3]

pairing: moxiety and logince (later on) with the addition of others if i feel like it

WARNINGS: mentions of self harm, mentions of suicide, mentions of scars, mentions of throwing up, food mentions, mentions of pain, hospitals, ivs, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, swearing, a knife, blood, insensitive language regarding mental illness, possibly something else

tag list: @hufflepuffgirl01 @cocobearthe4th @cas-is-a-hunter @band-be-boss-blog

a/n: idk why linebreaks don’t wanna work so we’re just gonna pretend they’re there okay thanks bye

chapter 1 - chapter 2 - chapter 4 - chapter 5 - chapter 6 - chapter 7 - chapter 8 - chapter 9 - chapter 10 - chapter 11 - chapter 12 

companion fics: exes and ‘oh’s

-

The first thought that popped into Virgil’s mind when he woke up was that it was far too bright. He squinted, trying to make out something. A dull, throbbing pain coursed through his wrists, and he groaned at the memories. Patton was going to give him so much shit.

It didn’t take too long for Virgil’s eyes to get adjusted to the bright lights. He was in a hospital room, and everything except for his blue smock was bright, clinical white. There wasn’t anyone else in the room with him--for the time being, at least--but a light blue backpack had been discarded on one of the chairs in the corner. Patton must have quickly thrown it together before they’d left.

The door slowly creaked open, and Virgil’s eyes snapped to the movement. Patton creeped through, only standing up straight once he’d realized that Virgil had woken up. A frown spread across his face as he moved to sit in the chair at Virgil’s right side.

“Virgil, you’re lucky that Logan and Roman had a free period today and were able to come get us to the hospital. What you did was very dangerous, though I’m sure that was your intention.

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, but obviously I did, and I’m so sorry about that. Still, we need to talk about your situation because you aren’t fit to be left on your own. I’m not going to force you into any situation you aren’t comfortable with, but I want to keep you safe.” Patton was speaking at a million miles an hour, barely comprehensible due to worry. Virgil shrugged and turned toward the only window in the room, watching the cars pass by on the road many stories below. In the back of his mind, he dreaded having to leave. He’d been in this hospital before on the rare occasion that a family member was dying, and from his memory, the local hospital only had elevators and emergency-only stairwells. Of course, Virgil was wildly afraid of elevators.

Patton was still talking when he tuned himself back in. “I know you didn’t want anyone to find out about your situation, so I cleared it with my parents, and we checked you in under my name and made sure that there would be complete confidentiality. You’ll be covered under my parent’s insurance, so you won’t have to pay for anything. They want to make sure you’re okay and are perfectly fine with this.” He knew that Patton was trying to be comforting, but it just made Virgil feel more guilty. He was taking so much from this family. They were committing fucking insurance fraud for him.

Hot pinpricks formed in Virgil’s eyes. He tried his damnedest to will them away, but they began to slip down his face regardless.

“Hey! Virge, it’s okay. What’s wrong, kiddo?” Patton placed a light hand on top of Virgil’s arm, avoiding the tender spots where the bandages had been wrapped around him. Virgil forced himself to look at his companion. He hadn’t noticed before, but Patton had intense bags under his eyes, suggesting that he hadn’t slept at all during the night. His guilt only grew.

“I’m sorry,” Virgil whispered. “I’m so, so sorry that you have to deal with my depressed emo garbage. You don’t deserve this.”  He was a burden to everyone he met--merely bringing them down with him. There was no escape the sinking ship that was Virgil Thomas. Once you got on, it was hell on earth.

“Y’know,” Patton began. It was obvious that he was trying to pick his words out very carefully. “I’ve been in situations similar to yours. Although they weren’t nearly as intense, I’ve had great doubts about my self-worth. You really are a good person who deserves a good life, Virgil. I can just feel it. I really do want to help you, and I don’t care what I have to sacrifice to get you back on your feet.

“All of that aside, we need to talk about your living situation. Do you have anybody at home who will be worrying your whereabouts?”  Patton laid expectant eyes on Virgil.

“Um, not really. My dad is almost always out of town, and my mom hasn’t been around for years.”

Patton nodded thoughtfully. “Alrighty then. Would you be okay with staying at my house for the foreseeable future? We would obviously have to grab your things from your house, but I’d feel better if you stayed with me. And I’m sure that you’ve seen that we have more than plenty of room for one other person.”

“I guess that’ll be okay.” Virgil’s voice was shaking slightly. He didn’t know whether he should be sad or happy. He was receiving so much kindness, yet he didn’t feel like he deserved it. His thoughts were interrupted when a nurse came into the room.

“Mr. Thomas? I need to ask Mr. Shea some questions. I’d ask that you leave the room… unless Mr. Shea is okay with you staying.” The nurse had a large smile on her face, but it didn’t reach her eyes like Patton’s did.

“Um, I’d rather Pat--uh, Virgil stay in the room, if that’s all right.” Virgil gave her the best smile he could scrounge up, and she gave a curt nod, her brown hair swishing around her face. She took the seat on the opposite side of the bed from Patton.

“Mr. Shea, my name is Nurse Lucy. Do you remember what happened before you were admitted into the hospital?” Nurse Lucy pulled a pen from her pocket and began to write on the clipboard she’d had on the table next to her.

Truthfully, the events of the day had become fuzzy in Virgil’s mind. He could remember with clarity yelling at Patton and running to the bathroom. And then he punched the mirror and cut his knuckles, but after that? He had nothing.

“I don’t really remember anything…” Virgil’s face scrunched up just slightly in thought.

“Well, Mr. Shea, your friend with the tie told us you had a ‘severe panic attack,’ and Mr. Thomas followed up by saying you hurt yourself with ‘broken glass from a mirror’ and then passed out due to a mixture of blood loss and anxiety. Do you remember any of that happening?”

“I remember the panic attack and the mirror part; although, I remember the latter only vaguely.” The teen didn’t really like the direction that these questions were going. They were getting far too close to striking a nerve. As if he’d been reading the other’s thoughts, Patton piped up.

“Nurse Lucy, Vir-- Patton has been through a lot today. How long do you think these questions will take?” Virgil sent a silent thanks to whatever deity that was watching over him.

“Just a few more minutes, Mr. Thomas,” the nurse replied with a saccharine smile. “Mr. Shea, have you had any bouts of depression within the past four months?”

“Yes,” Virgil answered.

“And how long did the depression last?”

“It started when I was fourteen and has been on and off for the past three years.” His hands began to shake.

“Have you had suicidal ideations or attempted suicide in the past four months?” The clinical tone of the nurse’s voice caused Virgil’s breath to hitch. Patton gave a small squeeze, reminding Virgil that he was still there.

“Yes. To both.”

“How long have you been having suicidal thoughts?”

“Since I turned sixteen.” He raised his left hand and ran it through his hair. He already knew the next question she was going to ask before she even opened her mouth.

“When was the last time you attempted to commit suicide?” Time seemed to freeze in the room. Virgil glanced over at Patton, who had a pained expression on his face. Lines of worry were etched across his fair skin, and his normal smile was pressed into a harsh frown.

“Today,” Virgil whispered. It was the truth, and he was sure Patton knew it regardless of if he wanted to believe it or not. He looked at his feet, refusing to let his gaze shift to either of the people at his sides.

“I see,” Nurse Lucy said with sterile crispness. “Since you were admitted due to injuries from a mental illness and have admitted to other mental instabilities, you will need to stay in the hospital for at least three days for further mental examination.” She stood up and smoothed out her pants.

“Um, Nurse, will I be allowed to stay during the exams?” Patton’s soft voice broke through the unrelenting silence.

“That depends on the doctor’s specifications. If you have any questions, I can leave his phone number here so you can discuss with him. Now, if you two will excuse me, I have another patient that I need to check up on.” Virgil could hear her clicking footsteps leave the room and the hollow thunk of the door closing.

“Virge, will you please look at me?” Patton asked with genuine sweetness in his voice, not the fake sugary bullshit that the nurse had given him. Virgil turned his head slowly. His breathing was becoming shallow, and he could feel a panic attack coming on.

“I need you to listen to me, okay? You are going to be okay. I’m going to stay with you through all of it, even if the doctor wants me to leave.” A whole new wave of tears began to stream down Virgil’s face. This time, however, Patton climbed into the hospital bed, bringing his new friend into his arms, not caring about the tears that would end up staining his shirt. They stayed in that position, Virgil crying into Patton’s shoulder, until the former fell asleep.

---

“I don’t understand why we have to run errands for some kid that we barely even know!” Roman complained, crossing his arms with a huff. He and Logan had received a text from Patton that, as soon as school let out, they needed to go to the house of the kid they’d drove to the hospital and pick up anything they thought he’d need, whether it be clothes or electronics or whatever.

“Technically, Roman, we’re not running errands for Virgil. We’re running errands for Patton, who happens to be working to help a stranger. This is for our friend.” Logan turned off the engine of his disgustingly old Dodge Intrepid. He shoved open the squeaky door and walked up to the porch of the large white house.

“Yes, but--” Roman argued as he’d exited from the passenger seat-- “Why do we have to do this? Why can’t he do it?”

“Did you see how Patton was acting when we were checking Virgil into the hospital? He was an emotional wreck. I doubt he’d even leave Virgil’s side if we threatened to murder a puppy right in front of his face. He obviously has some sort of emotional attachment to the kid.” Logan punched in the code to unlock the door. The way that Patton had gotten the code was a mystery that Logan would probably never be able to solve. Shaking the thought from his mind, he pushed open the door and led Roman inside.

The inside of the house was just as plain as the outside. Light grey linoleum tiles lined the floor, and every surface was painted white. Even the doors were white. It was the biggest disgrace to the profession of interior design that either of the teenagers had ever seen.

“The bedroom is upstairs, correct?” Logan asked, looking around for any semblance of a clue that indicated someone actually lived in this house. The whole thing was oddly bare; there were just a few pieces of furniture in each room that he could see.

“Yeah, second door on the right.” Roman had already made it halfway up the stairs by the time he’d finished his sentence. Logan sighed and followed his dramatic friend.

It would have been easy to find out which room was the correct one even if they hadn’t had the directions. The door to Virgil’s room had been painted black and stuck out like a sore thumb against the blaring white of everything else. Roman swung the door open and walked inside with a flourish that only he would add.

“What a dreary nightmare this place is.” Roman grabbed a vinyl sleeve that had been discarded on the floor. American Beauty / American Psycho by Fall Out Boy. With a slight eye roll, he shucked the sleeve onto the desk to his left. He looked to Logan and saw that he’d had already gathered a pile of assorted black clothes onto the black duvet. Shocking.

Roman let out a long sigh and gathered things from the desk. He took a few notebooks that were labeled with school subjects and their corresponding binders, a pencil case, a pair of over-ear headphones and attached cell phone, a well used black eyeshadow single, and a weird little cube with a bunch of buttons on it. He placed them on the bed and grabbed a backpack from the floor, stuffing his finds into it. Logan had pulled a suitcase from somewhere-- probably the closet--and had begun to neatly fold clothes and pack them up.

“I’m going to search for the bathroom to grab Mr. Black Sky’s toiletries.” All Roman got in response was a nod. With a slight eye roll, he left the room and began to peek into each room in the hallway. The one third on the right turned out to be another bedroom, as was the fourth, the one across the hall from that one was a linen closet, and the two down the hall were completely empty. Last, he checked the first door on the right. He opened the door and found a pristinely clean bathroom, minus the spread of toiletries across the counter.

Roman grabbed the toothbrush, toothpaste, and hairbrush that was laying on the ground near the edge of the counter. He picked up a small rectangular metal thing that was hidden behind a stack of washcloths. It suddenly snapped open to reveal a small knife that had little flecks of blood on it. His stomach dropped, and he quickly closed the blade, nearly throwing it back onto the counter.

His mind strayed back to the time when Pat had been having a rough time. He and Logan had stayed up until ungodly hours researching things to help. Roman remembered when he’d clicked on a link and was brought to a website about cutting with graphic images of scars and cuts. Although he was not normally squeamish around blood, the thought of his friend hurting himself had nearly made him throw up.

He’d seen similar scars on Virgil when he’d helped Logan patch up his cuts. A shiver ran through his body. He didn’t want to think about that.

“Roman? Have you acquired everything that you need?” Logan’s voice called from the room over. Roman shook his shoulders and stood up straighter.

“Yeah, Lo. I’ll be there in just a moment.” After throwing one last glance at the knife on the counter, he made his way back to Virgil’s bedroom. Logan grabbed the toiletries from his hands and shoved them into the backpack before slipping it onto his shoulder. The two brought the bags out to the car and stowed them in the back seat. Roman’s memories from the bathroom were soon forgotten when he received another text from Patton.

Patton Delivered at 3:30 pm Virge has to stay in the hospital for the next few days for mental examination. They’re worried about him attempting suicide again. If you guys could pick up a stuffed animal from the gift shop, I’d really appreciate it! <333

Roman Read at 3:31 pm Of course, Pat! We’re just leaving the house now, so we’ll be at the hospital soon. Do you need anything?

Patton Delivered at 3:31 pm Just a water bottle. See you guys when you get here! <33333

Patton Delivered at 3:47 pm I just realized I haven’t had anything to eat since breakfast. Can you grab me something to eat in the cafeteria?

Roman Read at 3:50 pm I’ll add it to the list of things we need to do that Logan’s forcing me to write. Be there in 15.

Patton Delivered at 3:50 pm Awesome! <3

Patton Delivered at 3:54 pm Roman?

Roman Read at 3:54 pm Yes, Patton?

Patton Delivered at 3:55 pm Thank you both. I really appreciate what you’re doing for Virge and I.

Roman Read at 3:56 pm It’s no problem Patton. You’ve had a rough day and deserve some rest.

Patton Delivered at 3:56 pm You and Logan are fam ILY.

chapter 4