#ive yet to cry at work but today fucking broke me

[synchlora]

hoooly fuck man

[blonkk]

feeling healthy. classic friday night crying unexpectedly because it just occurred to me that im almost 30 and ive spent the last 3 days alone with no one to talk to. im just in bed watching the simpsons wishing i had someone with me just to fucking watch the simpsons or stupid youtube comps. i’ve been seething because my roommate left days ago without telling me and he hasn’t cleaned a thing since i moved in so i’ve spent the past 2 days scrubbing the place clean which makes me resentful. he also left his aging dog here and she drives me insane and i didn’t sign up to be a dog owner but here we are. should i let her starve and shit in the house or do i just do the right thing and make sure shes fed. let her out when she screams at the door at all hours of the day night and morning. its been raining but stopped today so i left the house and spent 50$ on nothing and i still dont have a job and i just have to come up with new ways to spend my time with nothing to do no money no one to talk do on this shithole hill

like when you’re young and optimistic and idealistic you never think that sad loser is gonna be you. like no way i’m gonna be a sad friendless lonely freak of nature. no way im gonna be broke and jobless near 30.

and it just creeps up and like i’d do anything to get out of this but i just fail and fail and fail and i can’t find a way out. everything is just closing in on me rn. and if i go home to my parents i wont need to worry as much about money for the time being but what kind of back peddling is that….i spent my entire 20s working up the courage to move out completely and again im failing. i can’t go home anyways because believe it or not my situation is every worse there

and my parents are so scared for me…like they won’t say it but they’re ashamed and disappointed and they pity me which is honestly worse than anything else….i don’t want them to help me out of pity it feels like no one believes in me at all

which makes sense lol i don’t believe in myself either….i don’t excel at anything…..i can’t even get an entry level job in my field where i have experience…i can’t monetize anything else i do because im just not a very skilled person and its not self pity, or maybe it is, but like no one cares about art or whatever it is i like to do.

like i’ve felt like i’ve been fading away for a few years now as friends and family moved onto bigger and better and it’s just getting worse as time goes on…i don’t know what i want i’ve never known and it doesn’t even matter because i’ve never gotten anything i’ve wanted anyways. i just want to not be lonely. it’s so simple

i just want to disconnect from everyone and everything because i’m so beaten down by rejection and failure and isolation and despite good things these bad things compound and im so exhausted i don’t even care about what happens to me anymore

it’s so weird being this person you know people pity…that the worst part

i’m tying….i go outside…i exercise…i engage with my hobbies….i haven’t shut out my friends….i keep applying for work even though i feel this feeling of dread and know it wont go anywhere …i haven’t given up yet but im not really under any illusions that things will “get better” anymore

anyways i’m sorry for the boo hoo wah woe is me wahhhh moment im just so sick and tired of this relentless shit

[traumagenica]

crying all day today because i am yet again in trouble at work for taking too many unscheduled absences and may not be eligible for the yearly bonus for a second year in a row despite that bonus being something i could buy more fucking treatment with so now they're making me apply for all the fucking leave and accommodations again even though THEY DENIED ME last time and i'll probably be on corrective action again which means i won't be able to take any time off and im so sick but i cant not work or my husband and cat and i won't survive and i feel useless and pathetic and tired. im so fucking tired. im so tired of being tired, and im sick of being sick. im a burden and everybody knows it but nobody who has the ability to actually help me has any desire to do so. i can't get in touch with my doctor. the portal to send in my fucking claim for the goddamn leave and accommodations broke as soon as i submitted the completed application. ive done nothing but cry today. i cant deal with this shit anymore but its not like i'm not gonna get on federal disability if i can't even get approved for the shit my job and state offer and if i quit im not eligible for unemployment so my options are endure the continual humiliation of being punished for daring to be fucking sick or die i fucking guess and its like. i would! i would die. but unfortunately my husband and cat need me to not die for at least a few more months, and my parents would cry at my funeral anyway and i dont wanna make them cry, and my brother would probably kill himself next and i can't let my baby brother die. so all i can do is just keep taking it and taking it and taking it and eventually someday maybe giving up wont be an option anymore because my body and mind will simply be too degraded to do anything but stop. like what do i have to do, take myself to the psych ward? hurt myself badly enough for a long inpatient hospital stay? not like getting sick enough to warrant a short hospital stay was enough for them, cause that already happened. why are my only ways out always institutionalization- which i am rightfully scared to death of- and dying- which i cant do without other people suffering for it. im so tired. im so tired. someone please help me. or at least just make it stop for a while.

[yutaslaugh]

.

[blxetsi]

I was curious if you’d be up for headcanon of adopting Gabi Braun, or what it’s like being her older sibling?

If not maybe just Pieck relationship headcanons

Please and thank you

im so sorry im getting to this so late 😭🤚 ty for requesting ‼️

‼️CONTENT WARNING: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 AND CHAPTER 139‼️

adopting gabi braun headcanons (canonverse)

characters: gf!sasha braus x gn!reader, platonic!gabi braun x gn!reader, fatherly!levi ackerman x gn!reader, platonic!falco grice x gn!reader

warnings: death, angst, hatred for kids (fuck them kids‼️), peepaw levi 😁👍

- uhhhhhh,, your relationship w gabi had a very rocky start. Lol !

- it all started when your friend eren jaeger decided to run away to infiltrate marley causing the survey corps to go get him just as a war was declared between your countries, and then two kids snuck onto the airship you were using to escape and shot your girlfriend. and she died. Lol !

- you had a lot of hatred for gabi in the beginning, and it was understandable

- you blamed her for shooting sasha, but you also blamed yourself for not being able to save her.

- you were a trained medic, you were supposed to save people, and yet you couldnt even save the woman you loved. it was like a slap in the face, like god was playing some cruel joke on you

- you remember sitting against the wall with sasha's blood staining your hands. you could barely process what happened at the time, and then levi came

- he sat next to you, taking a handkerchief out of nowhere seemingly, and just wordlessly wiped your hands down.

- your relationship with the older man was never defined, even today, but you both cared for each other

- the next time you saw gabi, was in that restaurant, niccolo had attacked gabi and falco, injuring them both, and said she killed sasha

- your blood went cold, you felt so many things, the grief you had pushed down in favour of your job, anger, fear, among other things

- niccolo had said there needed to be justice, he said that gabi should die for what she did, he tried to get sasha's father to kill her, and all you did was stand there.

- your body went on autopilot, barely listening to mr. braus' speech, you watched as kaya pointed a knife at gabi, and you listened to her wails of agony as you blindly led mikasa, armin, and gabi to a different room

- you were scared of yourself, for what you were thinking. did you really want a kid to die ? she did kill your girlfriend, the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, the woman that shared her food with you, the woman that held you when you got scared at night, the woman that promised you that after the war you two would live on a farm together, and have a family of your own.

- but she was still a child. she didnt know any better. you were conflicted in your feelings, especially after hearing what niccolo had said, but it all just emphasized what was already known to you. she was a child

- your blood was pounding in your ears, and you could faintly hear gabi asking your comrades if they wanted to kill her. when armin reassured her they didnt, she looked to you and asked "what about them ?"

- you didnt answer her, and continued to lead them down where eren would be meeting you all. you were supposed to drop them off, but eren made you stay, and then a fight broke out

- you dont remember when you did it, but you held gabi in your arms, shielding her from the fight. you think you needed to be held more than she did

- things got more complicated after that, and slowly the hatred you had for sasha's killer went away, until all you had left was a hole in your chest from guilt and sadness.

- at fort salta, you thought you were going to die there, next to your friends. you thought you'd become a mindless titan, like connie's family

- but you didnt, well you did, but only for a short time, and when you turned back, you reunited with your friends

- looking around for gabi, you saw her tackle falco into a hug, which made you smile

- "y/n !" jean called, you remember looking behind you in confusion, he sounded distressed, but you understood why when you saw sasha saluting the three of you

- you felt your legs move on your own, and you ran closer to her, before stopping about a meter away. she was dead, you knew she was dead, but she was there, wearing that goofy smile on her face and looking at you as if you'd hung the stars in the sky

- she looked at you. "you did good." hearing her voice felt like a dream. your mouth felt dry, and your jaw opened and closed like a fish before you felt tears sting your eyes. "i love you."

- she nodded, before looking at the sky. "i know." she replied. sasha looked back at you before giving you a soft smile. "you know what to do now." before she disappeared in the debris

- you knew what to do, so you did it

- you found levi sitting against a rock, and when you leaned down next to him he muttered something. "i saw erwin again. and hange. all of them." you nodded. "i saw sasha." he looked at you, and gave you the closest thing to a smile. "i guess we're both at peace now."

*****

- three years later, you've become a school teacher in paradis, teaching young children how to read, to write, and basic math. you teach them about art and music, and nature. its nice being surrounded by children all day, kids are lovely.

- you live with gabi, falco and levi, in a small house inside wall sina. levi's legs have gotten weaker with time, causing him to use a wheelchair and crutches. he's given up on his dream of a tea shop, but is content with the life he has now.

- gabi and falco have gotten more rowdy with age, but they've both matured quite a bit. they make you proud

- you send letters to sasha's family. kaya is growing up, and has taken over archery just like her sister. niccolo is living with them now.

- you'll never be able to let go of sasha, or what happened to her, but the pain in your chest has dulled immensely. you think about her sometimes, when youre in bed alone, wanting to feel the warmth of her body in your arms, you know you should move on, you get teased about not having a new girlfriend, even levi has made comments about there being "plenty of fish in the sea"

it was a late night, on a friday. you were grading spelling tests at the dining room table, one lone candle being your source of light. your pen moves swiftly across the different pieces of paper, adding check marks or x marks when needed, adding a note at the bottom of each test, before adding a smiley face on all of your students' hard work. it was tedious, but it needed to be done, and you had to remember to bring them in on monday, you couldn't forget like last time.

you heard footsteps coming down the stairs. they were soft, and slow, and at first you thought it was levi but realized it couldn't be since you couldn't hear the soft tapping of his crutches on the stairs. they came down to the bottom and stood there, it was gabi, dressed in a light pink nightgown that came down to her knees, and her disheveled hair in the braid you did for her before bed.

you pushed your reading glasses to the top of your head. "what are you doing up ? it's late."

she shrugged, and walked over to sit across from you at the table. gabi grabbed the stack of papers that you already graded and shuffled through them, giggling when she found a misspelling.

you rolled her eyes. "don't laugh, they're six."

she shook her head. "i was spelling ten times better than this when i was their age."

"uh huh."

"are you calling my bluff ?"

you chuckled. "maybe. you should be in bed though."

"why ? it's not like we have school tomorrow."

you shrugged. "i was thinking we could go on a picnic outside the walls. it gets stuffy in here."

she nodded. "that would be fun."

the silence came back for a while, until you finished grading and set your papers aside.

"you know, i hear you sometimes." she whispered.

you looked at the brunette in confusion. "how do you mean ?"

"when your in bed, sometimes you cry."

you scoffed, and leaned back in your chair. "yeah well, i try to muffle it."

"i don't think ive ever apologized to you," she started. her eyes welled up with tears and her hands shook on the table. her cheeks and nose became pink as she held herself back from crying. "i know i feel bad, and i regret killing her but, i've never actually apologized to you for-"

"don't." you said. you kept your eyes on your lap, you felt your throat growing tight. "please gabi, don't say anything."

"i need to apologize-"

"you don't. you killed her. she's dead, the war is over. it's done. just let it go." you said, your voice wavering.

"have you let it go ?"

your head shot up to her. "i lost the woman i was going to spend the rest of my life with. she promised me a safe home, a farm, and a family. and she promised we'd grow old together. and that didn't happen. i grew up with her, i've known her since i was twelve, we started dating when i was sixteen. of course i haven't let it go, gabi."

gabi looked shocked by your outburst, but nodded. she understood how you felt, and she felt so guilty. "you don't forgive me do you ? i get it, i really do. i'm sorry."

you shook your head. "gabi no, i do. i do forgive you. i just, i can't forget it." you whimpered, tears started streaming down your face and you choked back a sob. "i loved her with all of my heart, i still do, but i don't hate you-"

gabi rolled her eyes, tears coming out uncontrollably now. "you should. i killed her, i ruined your chance of a happy life ! she was your family and i-"

"gabi no !" you exclaimed, cutting her off. at this point you both looked like a mess, and you were worried you woke up the boys. you grabbed her shaking hands in your own and held them to you. "you are my family. you are. so is falco, and so is levi. i forgive you, and i love you with all of my heart." you said, a sad smile on your face. her eyes widened at your words, before she started sobbing.

you got up from the table to come to her side, and held her in your arms as she cried. her arms wrapped around your shoulders while she dug her head into your neck, tickling you with her hair.

you rubbed her back and cradled her head while shushing her. she sobbed out a muffled "i love you so much y/n." that you chuckled at.

"i love you too so much." you whispered back.

it took a long time for gabi to calm down, but when she did you still held her, rocking her and yourself back and forth slightly. you two moved from the chairs down to the floor, funny enough.

you kissed the top of her head before talking, the only noise in the room being your whispers, her sniffles and the living room clock. "you know reiner's coming home soon. are you excited ?" she nodded against your skin and sniffled again, clearing her throat too.

"i hope he brings me a gift or something." she whispered back, her voice hoarse. it made you laugh, and you had to cover your mouth to keep quiet.

"they're going to shiganshina district for a couple of days, to visit mikasa and eren, and then mikasa will come with them to the capital."

"do you miss her ?" she asked.

"so much. i miss all of them, but mikasa is a close friend of mine, she holds a special place in my heart."

"do you think you and levi will go to the meetings between the marley ambassadors and the jaegerists ?" she asked.

"maybe, if they feel as though they really need us."

you sighed through your nose, which was a bit stuffy from crying. "after we turned back into humans, i saw sasha again."

gabi lifted her head up from where it was resting on your shoulder. "what ?"

"yeah, i saw her ghost i think." you looked down on her with a smile on your face. "she told me i knew what i needed to do, and then i went and got levi and you and falco." you paused for a moment, thinking about how you would word what you were thinking. "i did what i needed to do, i got my family together." gabi's eyes widened. "sasha promised me a family, and although this wasn't the family i had envisioned, it's still a family nonetheless. i believe her last gift to me was you, falco, and levi. and i am so grateful to have you all in my life."

gabi smiled before hugging you. she opened her mouth to say something-

"oi !" a deep voice came from the top of the stairs. "you two woke me up with all of your crying. go to bed." before your heard the creaking of the floorboards and the closing of a door.

you chuckled before standing up, pulling gabi with you. you walked her to her room, and even tucked her in, you both exchanged 'i love yous' and 'goodnights' before you retreated from her bedroom, closing the door behind you.

across the hall, levi stood leaned on his doorway with his arms crossed together. "that family speech, that was cute." he commented. you rolled your eyes at the older man. "were you listening in on a private conversation ?" you teased.

the ex-captain scoffed and looked away. "go to bed y/n. we have a picnic to go on tomorrow." before closing his door.

you chuckled to yourself, remembering how you brought up the idea to him that morning, and he only replied with a curt "we'll see" before sipping on his morning tea.

you went back to your own room, and got into your bed. you turned on your side, and looked at the space you always left open for sasha, and brushed your hand against the pillow.

"goodnight love."

uhhhhh doesnt feel like my best work but whatevs 😁👍 enjoy my comeback to tumblr 🤩🙏

requests open mfs ‼️

[katahnisharma]

gone (4) | t.h.

Summary: tom is back from shooting cherry, but he’s not okay.

Warnings: this started as my entry to the lovely b’s writing challenge @worldoftom, but you guys were so amazing and wanted a second part. this is a very emotional chapter and there are mentions of anxiety, depression, and overall intense emotions so please be careful loveys ♡

A/N: hey guys it’s been a while but life has been really really difficult so i'm sorry for the wait! i'm not entirely sure if anyone still cares about this series so here’s hoping :) for this chapter i listened to light of love by florence + the machine and all good things come to an end by the og queen nelly furtado lol. also Tumblr apparently won’t let me link certain things so if you’re looking for my masterlist or playlist it’s in my bio ♡

IF YOU’RE STILL INTERESTED IN BEING ON MY TAGLIST PLEASE FILL OUT THE NEW FORM IN MY BIO BC I WILL BE REVAMPING IT!

gif by @hllands

“Hey, did I leave my notebook in the living room?” You asked, letting your tea bag soak in the mug Tom always saved for you. It was an unspoken rule, that dark blue cup with the constellations on it from his mother was yours only. You mentioned how beautiful it was once, and Tom remembered.

It went on the list with the others.

“You mean the one with the polaroid on the cover? No, it’s not in here.” Tom called back, scrolling through Netflix to find a movie for the both of you. He’d just come back from the junket for Spies in Disguise, and he immediately called his best friend over to spend the day with him.

Well, it was supposed to be more than just another day.

Because today he was going to tell you he loved you.

“Hmm, maybe I left it in my bag upstairs. I’ll get it when I’m done with the tea.” You said, setting your mug down on the counter. It looked like it needed sugar, so you rootled around for the little jar Tom kept in one of his cabinets.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go get it!” Tom said from the couch, his nerves beginning to make him jittery. He thought that while you were in the kitchen, picking a movie would help him calm down. But he couldn’t focus on any of the descriptions, and Tom could feel his heart beat faster and faster.

He needed to get up for a few minutes.

“Are you sure? Do you want me to pick the movie then?” You teased, knowing very well Tom hadn’t found a movie yet. It was a bit of a running gag, him never being able to pick a movie. You would bite your lip to stop from laughing when he eventually got frustrated and handed you the remote.

And even in his nervous state, Tom still grinned because of you.

“Yeah, yeah, like you’re any better. We’ve seen The Avengers twice!” He shot back, a smirk on his lips when he heard you scoff in the kitchen. Apart from your smile, making you jokingly annoyed was Tom’s favorite thing. He liked how cute you were when he teased you.

“Shut up and get my notebook, Tommy!” You laughed, and Tom felt his cheeks warm at the sound.

God you were so fucking perfect.

When Harrison woke up, he almost forgot where he was. But then his vision cleared and there you were, lying in the hospital bed. Harrison’s heart clenched at the sight, remembering the events of last night that landed you here with an IV in your arm. He sat up and stretched, the old wooden chair squeaking against the floor.

The sound was what made you stir, your mind waking up from the dream.

“Harrison?” You whispered, your eyes adjusting to the dim lights in the room. The hospital bed you’d fallen asleep in the night before seemed to glow next to you, but you realized it was just an IV hooked up in your arm. Harrison smiled softly, getting up and coming to stand by your side.

“Hey, you were out like a light.” He said, handing you the glass of water a nurse had brought. You gratefully brought it to your lips, feeling a little dehydrated from whatever fluids were in the IV bag. Harrison gave your free hand a squeeze before crossing to the windows, playing with the blinds to let some sun in.

“How long have you been here?” You asked, playing with the sheets mindlessly. Harrison thought about lying, telling you he’d only arrived a few minutes ago. Because he knew you’d feel bad about it, but you could always tell when he lied.

“Since last night. I stayed here, didn’t want you to be alone.” Harrison replied, and you frowned almost immediately. You felt bad enough that he’d driven you to the hospital on his day off, but knowing that he’d also spent the night sleeping in an uncomfortable, crappy chair didn’t help with the guilt.

“And before you say ‘you shouldn’t have’, just remember you would have done the same for me. So stop beating yourself up about it.” He said, going back to his chair. You winced when it made the same creaking sound, like it was about to break. Harrison noticed, and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

“But this chair was really unbearable.” He chuckled, and you finally smiled again.

“Shut up, you idiot.” You giggled, chucking a pillow at Harrison right as the nurse peeked in. You felt your face burn as she smiled at the two of you, Harrison picking up the pillow sheepishly and biting back a laugh.

“Glad to see the patient is feeling better. Can I get you anything, love?” She asked kindly, picking up the now empty class beside you. You smiled at her, shaking your head. You really just wanted to be discharged so you could leave, hospitals always made you nervous. The smell of disinfectant and the general sense of uncertainty were not your favorite sense overloads.

“No, but thank you for everything. Do you know if I’ll be able to leave today?” You asked, and the nurse nodded her head.

“You should be all set to be discharged in an hour. The doctor will check in on you in thirty minutes and then you’re all free to go.” She said, taking the pillow from an embarassed Harrison. You giggled a little when she fluffed the pillow, and returned it to your bed.

“Great, thank you again!” She gave you one last smile before leaving the room, and Harrison breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank god, I’m really hungry.”

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For Harry, last night would probably be one of the worst and strangest of his life.

After Tom broke down and sobbed into his shirt for two hours straight, he became so frenetic that Harry was afraid he would end up accidentally hurting himself. Tom tried to pack a suitcase to go after you, but he almost slipped in the shower and was so disoriented that he ran into the bedroom wall. Then he tried to cook something on the stove for Harry, but left the fire on while he got distracted trying to find your favorite cereal. Tom wasn’t completely all there, and it was pretty obvious to Harry that he was having some sort of episode.

So once Tom was focused enough to eat the banana his brother opened for him, Harry called his mother.

“Mom, I need you to tell me the name of that anxiety medicine. The one that sometimes works as a sedative.” Harry cast a glance at Tom on the couch, watching him slowly chew the banana with glossy eyes. He had been silently crying at odd times this morning, and it was definitely making Harry nervous.

“Why? Harry, what’s happened?” Nikki immediately sounded worried, running over to the medicine cabinet. She kept the anxiety medicine mainly for Harry, who used to have pretty severe bouts himself. The episodes became few and far between, until they stopped altogether.

But now Nicki was concerned Harry was having them again.

“It’s not for me, Mum. It’s for Tom. I think he’s having some sort of breakdown, and I’m afraid he might accidentally do something stupid and hurt himself.” Harry said, looking over his shoulder to see Tom staring at the banana, almost lifelessly.

“For Tom? Harry, please tell me what’s going on.” Nikki said, clutching the bottle in her hand nervously.  

“I think Tom and Y/N might be over.” Harry said, and the words had more weight than he thought they would. Like it was finally a possible reality, one where you and Tom weren’t together anymore.

“Okay, I’m on my way.”

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“Can you get in the car alright? Need any help?” Harrison asked, hovering over you as the two of you walked to the hospital parking lot. You rolled your eyes, smiling at his protective behavior. He’d been like this during your dischargement too, and it was sweet but definitely unnecessary.

“Haz, I told you. I’m perfectly fine, I swear. It really doesn’t hurt that much, and I can absolutely get into the car on my own.” You said, patting his shoulder reassuringly. Harrison sighed, biting his lip a little worriedly.

“Okay, okay, just making sure. I just don’t want you to aggravate the injury or anything. At least not until we get you home and set up.” He replied, and you couldn’t help it. You leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, watching Harrison’s mouth immediately drop open in shock.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“To thank you for being the world’s greatest div. I love you, idiot.” You said, laughing when Harrison slung an arm around your shoulder. He rolled his eyes at you, smiling playfully.

“You know I love you too, but you really didn’t need to give me that weirdass kiss.” Harrison chuckled, immediately ducking into the car before you decided to throw your purse at him. Scoffing, you got into the passenger seat and punched him in the arm.

“Ow! That hurt!”

“I’ll have you know my kisses are wonderful!” You giggled, clapping a hand over your mouth when Harrison started to fake cry and clutch his arm.

“If I agree, will you leave me alone?” Harrison laughed, starting the car and reversing out of the parking lot. You smiled wickedly, reaching up to ruffle his precious hair. Harrison recoiled instantly, whining at your little stunt.

“I take it back, I actually hate you.”

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“Where is he?” Nikki asked, rushing into the living room. Harry jumped up and led her to the bedroom, where Tom was curled up in a ball. Under the covers, he was crying softly and clutching what looked like a sweater. It seemed too small to be his, and Harry immediately realized it was your favorite sweater. The one Tom loved on you because it was what you were wearing when both of you met for the first time.

“Tom? Love, look at me please.” Nikki whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked over at Harry and mimed a glass of water, which he left to get from the kitchen. Once they were alone, Nikki gently pulled the covers back. Tom lay there, tears streaming down his face and the front of your sweater soaked.

“She’s gone...” Tom whimpered, trying to pull the covers back over his head. He was completely spent, the possibility that you were really gone hitting him like a train. Tom had pictured the rest of his life with you, and now nothing seemed worthwhile anymore if you weren’t there beside him.

“Y/N? Tell me what happened, Tom.” Nikki said, running a gentle hand through his hair. Tom relaxed under her touch, reminded of all the times in his childhood that he lay in bed upset. Breakups, rejections, failures, his mother had seen them all. And she'd always been there for him.

“We got into a fight...a big fight….and I threw my phone….”

“At her? Tom, how could you do that?” Nikki gasped softly, and Tom’s eyes widened. He found the strength to sit up, looking his mother right in the eyes.

“No...no! I would never hurt her! I threw it at the wall and I locked myself in the bathroom. But….when I came out….she was gone and there was b-blood on the f-floor and...I think-I think I-” Tom couldn’t get the rest of his words out, and Nikki knew enough to envelop her son in a hug.

“It’s okay...it’s okay, Tom.” She sighed, holding her eldest son close. The whole thing was confusing, but if Nikki knew anything about your relationship with Tom it was that it had been the best one he’d ever had. You were kind, intelligent, and strong, exactly what she had always wanted Tom to have in a partner. But hearing Tom cry and work himself up meant she knew what she needed to say. Tom had to stop living in his head.

“Tom? I want you to listen to me, it’ll be okay.”

“But….she’s gone and I hurt her….I can’t ever forgive myself…” Tom sobbed, but Nikki was adamant she would speak and get through to him.

“Look, the past is the past, it’s not in our hands.  You have the chance to ask for her forgiveness, and explain what you’re feeling right now. Don’t let your past actions dictate the future, love. That would be a mistake, because I know Y/N. She loves you and she wants to be there for you. She’ll understand what you’re going through because she cares, that’s what a real partner does. They want the best for you because it’s you. You need to forgive yourself so that she can help you heal.”

“But what if she doesn’t w-want me anymore? I know I scared her….I never wanted to do that b-but she’s been hurt and left because of me….I’m afraid Y/N won’t love me anymore!” Tom cried, his body shaking a little. Nikki rubbed his back and took the water glass from Harry, who’d reappeared in the room.

“Darling, you have to try. You have to fight for the love you want. You don’t think your father and I have gotten angry with each other? We fight and that’s normal, but at the end of it all we come back to each other. I put my feelings aside and listen to him, and he does the same. That’s how it works, we love each other so much that I’ll forgive him and he’ll forgive me.”

Nikki took Harry’s hand and held it, and Tom was finally still. There was no more crying, no more shaking. It was just a moment frozen in time, the three of them together in a little room. Harry hugged Tom and Nikki kissed his forehead, and for the first time in 36 hours Tom wasn’t afraid anymore. The fight wasn’t plaguing him anymore, and neither was the aftertaste of filming that had been slowly poisoning his mind. All he could see was you, like a vision before him wiping his tears away. With that same smile that he had fallen in love with so easily, because it was purely yours.

And that was enough for Tom to be at peace with himself.

“Thank you.” Tom whispered, and Nikki was able to smile again. Harry ruffled his hair, making Tom punch him softly in the arm. He reached for the water glass and the pills in Nikki’s hand, knowing that he needed to take them.

“Take these two and it’ll help a little with the anxiety. It’ll also make you a little drowsy, but it might be good to sleep it all off properly. I’ll stay here with Harry until you wake up, okay?” Nikki said, and Tom let him expend enough energy to nod and smile.

“Just...just please make sure Y/N is okay? Make sure that nothing’s wrong?” Tom said, and Nikki squeezed his right hand. Harry had his left.

“Always. Now get some real sleep, you’re going to need it...”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Can we please listen to something other than your terrible daily mix?” You laughed, Harrison clutching his chest to feign offence. He reluctantly handed you the aux cord and you smiled, knowing exactly what you wanted to play. Taking a couple seconds to sift through your own playlists, you found the song you were looking for and pressed play. Harrison smirked at your choice, rolling his eyes at the songs you played over and over again. He attempted to steal the aux back from you, but you dodged him quickly.

“Hey, focus mister! I’m not about to get into an accident right out of the hospital!” You said, giggling as he started to belt out the lyrics and dance. He laughed, rolling his eyes as he focused on the road again.

“I’m a great driver! I’m just trying to save myself from your shit music taste.” He said with a smirk and now it was your turn to roll your eyes. Harrison wasn’t a bad driver, but he definitely wasn’t a great one. The first time you had gotten into the car with him had been to get groceries and it was a disaster. He forgot to turn around before reversing and nearly hit a little old lady with her cart, and almost got hit merging onto the highway. After that, you were careful to look out for him even if it meant you became a backseat driver.

“Sure, Haz. Whatever you want to believe. Just please get us home in one piece!” You laughed, leaning your head back and letting the sunlight warm your face. If not for the events of the previous day, you would have basked in the glory of such a beautiful day.

But your mind turned to Tom, as it always seemed to.

“Hey, is my bag in the back?” You asked, suddenly desperate to check its contents. Harrison turned down the music, furrowing his eyebrows at your change in mood. You turned to look at him, a slight fear in your eyes. Harrison nodded, gesturing to the backseat.

“Yeah, it’s there. Why? What’s wrong?”

“I just...I just need to make sure something is in there…” You trailed off, swiveling in your seat to grab at your handbag. Harrison watched from the corner of his eye as you set it on your lap, rootling through it quickly.

“Whoa, whoa. What are you looking for?” Harrison asked, a little concerned by how frantic you seemed to be. With a sigh of relief, you feel your hands grasp what you’re looking for and you pull it out slowly. Harrison’s eyes automatically soften, seeing your eyes water with your most prized possession in your hand.

“Is that the notebook Tom bought you? The one he bought you when he found out you wanted to be a writer?”

“Y-yeah...it is. I just wanted to make sure it was still there, you know? That’s dumb, isn’t it? I mean...he probably doesn’t even want to be with me a-anymore. So...so why am I….why am I holding on like this?” You felt the dam break finally, the tears streaming down your face. Harrison bit his lip, pulling the car over and unbuckling his seatbelt.

“Hey...hey...look at me.” Your tears were staining the cover, the little drops of water creating little streams on the surface. It felt like someone had pulled the rug from underneath you, and that you’d discovered there was no floor. What would you do without Tom? You loved him more than anything, but you were no fool. His anger couldn’t have come from out of the blue, it was something repressed that Tom had been feeling for a long time. Without warning, your insecurities began to mount.

Maybe he was bored of you.

Maybe you annoyed him.

Maybe he’d found someone else.

Maybe you weren’t good enough and he’d realized it.

And then the worst of them all.

Maybe the rest of the world was right.

“I’m losing him.” You whispered, and Harrison’s heart clenched at your words. He knew you were always insecure about dating Tom, but you’d never vocalized anything like this before.

“No, no you’re…”

“I’m not an idiot, Haz! I’ve seen the signs! H-he’s done with me….I’m just d-delaying the inevitable. I should have….I should have known I wasn’t good enough for him. He’s him and I’m j-just me, who the hell was I fooling? E-even the fans knew it!”

“Y/N...come on...that’s not-”

“He hasn’t wanted to spend any real time with me since he came back from Cherry. It’s like I don’t even exist to him, I’m invisible until he has to talk to me. I’ve tried five times to get him to have dinner with me and he rejected me every time, Haz. All I’ve heard for two months is ‘I’m going out with the boys, sorry’ or ‘Just going to sleep, don’t feel like eating’. And I tried to understand, I really did. It must have been so hard shooting a movie like that, it would be emotionally draining for anyone. Hell, even the book is emotionally draining-”

“I don’t think...”

“Let me finish, please? Haz, I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired, I’m so tired. I can’t fight for this relationship anymore when I’m not even sure if he wants it. He pushes me away all the time and it hurts me to see him like that. Tom isn’t happy, and I think it’s because of me. So I won’t hold him back anymore, I’ll just quietly disappear. No drama, no fighting, nothing. I can’t bear knowing I’m the reason he’s unhappy, it would kill me to think that.”

You broke again, the tears burning your eyes as you clutched the notebook tighter to your chest. It brought you a little comfort, knowing what you would have to do next. You needed to leave Tom, to let him live his life and be happy. You clearly couldn’t make him happy anymore and though that was something you’d struggled to accept in the last few hours, it was the right thing to do. You had no delusions about the way you looked, you always felt rather plain and boring compared to the beautiful women Tom was used to being around. He would be better off with someone else, someone as amazing as him.

Someone who isn’t you.

Harrison’s throat went dry as you slowly raised a hand to wipe at your tears, your eyes glossing over as you stared lifelessly out the window. He had a horrible feeling that you were serious about what you had just said, and he wasn’t sure how all this had happened. How could he have let you feel like this?

How could they not have noticed?

“Please, please don’t say-”

“Harrison, I have to. I can’t do this anymore.” You whispered, and Harrison stopped mid sentence. You never called him by his full name, it was always just Haz. He squeezed your hand as you cried, sobs wracking your body that made him cry too. You barely got the words out, but Harrison knew them before you said it.

“I have to leave because I love him.”

IF YOU’RE STILL INTERESTED IN BEING ON MY TAGLIST PLEASE FILL OUT THE NEW FORM IN MY BIO BC I WILL BE REVAMPING IT!

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[jpegjade]

Boundaries - Spencer

this one is a random fic ive been working on. i was talking to my therapist about love and heartbreak and relationships and she told me to write about it. so i did. 

summary: reader gets their heart broken and your best friend, spencer, is there to talk it out.

warnings: none. just sad fluff

_________________________

Knocking on Spencer’s apartment door, tears threatening to stream down your face, you only hoped that he actually had today off like he was supposed to. You really needed your best friend right now, the only person you could really confide in without feeling like you were ruining their lives by saying anything on your mind. 

You listened as the locks moved into his door before it swung open. He greeted you with a smile on his face and open arms before he saw what you looked like. You were wearing sweats and carrying a bowl full of starburst, popcorn bags, and a bunch of sports drinks along with a very full backpack. 

“What happened?” Spencer said as you stepped into his apartment, squeezing past him and the doorframe. 

“They broke up with me.” You breathed out a heavy sigh. It didn’t feel real but at the same time, it felt entirely too real. 

“Oh.” Was all Spencer could tell you. 

Spencer knew you really liked the person you were dating, despite being their significant other for a month. You were really into them in a way that was new for you and Spencer knew you loved the feeling. 

“Thanks, Spence.” You said, sarcastically. 

The fact that Spencer wasn’t able to come up with anything to say made everything hurt more. There was a silence in the room that was only filled by your shaky breathing. It was a wonder that you were able to hold back from crying for this long. 

“Did they explain why?” Spencer finally asked. He moved towards the couch, motioning for you to sit next to him. 

“No. They called me, wanting to talk, and everything was going perfectly fine until they just went off on me.” You said, sitting down with a little space between you and Spencer. 

Spencer nodded, patting his lap. He wasn’t entirely sure how to continue the conversation yet but he was determined to at least let you talk this out. 

“What else did they say?” Spencer asked as you laid down on the couch, putting your head in his lap. 

“They said they regret everything. The snapchats, the late night conversations, the sex. They regret all of it.” You started sobbing uncontrollably. 

“Breathe through it. Keep letting it out.” Spencer rubbed your back and let you cry for a while. 

“How do you make someone feel so intensely and then decide you don’t want them? That you don’t want to talk to them? That you don’t want anything to do with them so suddenly?” You continued, nearly hyperventilating. 

“It’s never sudden.” Spencer said, “There’s never a switch that happens to make it a sudden change. It’s a gradual change when they start to put up a wall, even if you don’t notice it. 

“What did I do wrong? I keep replaying everything in my head and I don’t know where I went wrong. I can’t seem to understand what’s so bad about me.” You sniffled a few times. 

“You love everyone too much.” Spencer said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Gee, thanks Spence.” You said, feeling tears welling up again. 

“You’re a patient on the operating table, asking an intern who just arrived at the hospital to put scrubs on and perform open heart surgery. You expect them to be able to help you perform the operation while simultaneously fixing the last intern’s mistakes. You and your ex weren’t together for long, especially not as long as the last one, so they really did think that they were up to the task until they saw that the damage to your heart was deeper than they thought. They didn’t pay attention to the real you, your heart that you shared. They only focused on what they wanted to see and imagine about you in relation to them. They thought they could be what you needed, or even the other way around, but it didn’t work. You were just too much.” Spencer finished, continuing to rub your back. 

“If this is supposed to help, it’s not fucking working.” You said, letting a fresh set of tears start to fall. 

“I’m just presenting you with my observations based on the situation and what I know about you.” Spencer said, slowly. 

“Just say you were profiling me and move forward.” You chuckled sadly. 

“I don’t need to be a profiler to know my best friend.” Spencer said softly. 

“How does this keep happening to me? What am I doing wrong?” You sighed, letting more tears fall. 

“I can’t tell you what you’re doing wrong but you love with all of your heart, unconditionally, from the beginning. It’s one of the many things I love about you. You’re so selfless with your love and you don’t discriminate based on looks. Everyone is deserving of love to you and you don’t mind giving all of what you have. You get attached to everyone you meet from the outset and you just want to make them happy. You’re clingy in the best way.” Spencer said, smiling softly. 

“All those things sound great in theory. But what does anyone expect me to do about that? I literally can’t stop my heart from beating… And you basically just told me that I’m alot.” You said, sitting up. 

Spencer’s eyes were like a puppy: big, sparkling, and beautiful. You could see why girls liked him and, as your best friend, you could also see why he was so oblivious to all of it. He said he only had eyes for you but you never really saw him like that. Well… You thought you never saw him like that until the past few months. 

“You are a lot to handle. But you’re manageable. It just takes a certain type of person to be able to adjust to the type of love you give as quickly as you give it. You open your heart to everyone and not everyone is ready to see that. That doesn’t mean it’s bad or good and it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. It just means that it might not fit if they aren’t that type of person.” Spencer looked at your eyes, the ones he fell in love with so long ago. 

There was a smooth silence that fell between the two of you. 

“Spence, why can’t people be as good to me as you are?” You asked, sighing. You were trying so hard not to cry again but Spencer was always so sweet to you. No wonder your feelings had changed for him a little while back. 

“They don’t love you like I do.” Spencer said, unable to look at you. 

“Spence, can you just hold me? It hurts and I don’t know what to do.” You were getting sad again and just wanted affection. 

“Always, y/n.” Spencer opened his arms so you could climb into his lap and curl up just enough to feel comfortable.

[brief-enc0unters]

i haven’t used this account in 4/5 years now but i needed somewhere to go that i could just literally let everything out knowing that no one will see it and no one will ever know and this is gonna be such a jumble of everything but i’m just gonna write.

i really really hope that there is another lockdown soon so that i don’t have to pretend to be absolutely fine in front of everyone and no one will worry about me and i don’t have to talk to or burden anyone because i just know that’s what i’m doing right now. i walk around every single day feeling like dying and i don’t know what’s got me into this headspace or how to get out of it but i’m going into a spiral that i’ve seen before but worse because i feel like i can’t talk to anyone about it because i can’t fucking burden people anymore because they will just LEAVE. it’s like tia said, just fake it.

what she said to me really did hurt me. i understand that people are trying to help me and don’t know what to say but saying that she isn’t gonna help me until i’ve done something about it (which i HAVE) makes me feel like everyone is just gonna walk away. and i asked amelia to call me today and she hasn’t and i’m scared she’s mad at me and i’m scared all of them are talking about me behind my back and i’m scared i’m surrounded by bunch of foxes that simply just fucking hate me and you know what i wouldn’t blame them because i am a MESS i am not a good person. i rang tia crying on sunday and she just said ‘your brain is convincing you things aren’t fine when things are actually on the up for you’ and that broke me because i’ve only been acting bubbly for everyone else around me because they’re all going through a hard time and i need to be there for them and make them happy but oh my god it’s getting too hard now.

everything has just. happened. at once. i quit uni. i feel like i’ve failed myself, my parents, my friends. my dad was really fucking horrible to me. i don’t know what i want to do with my life anymore. i fell out with one of the closest people to me. my job is going to fucking tatters. and now my brain is going to the worst possible fucking thing and telling me that maybe i shouldn’t do anything with my life because actually, i’d be better off dead. i’m fighting SO SO hard to not relapse into doing something stupid.

my brain keeps going back to that horrible night from 4 years ago. it replays back in my head. but my brains convinced myself that i’ve made it all up. but it won’t go away. maybe i deserved it. maybe i literally just deserve everything bad and maybe people don’t need me putting my mess into their lives anymore. i’m on more medication, ive been put on a year long waiting list for the mental health team. i’m not gonna do anything bad tonight but i don’t know how much longer i can hold on. i’m in a constant battle of asking someone for help yet not wanting to bother a soul. maybe it’d be easier for others if i just went by alone.

i punched a wall earlier. and screamed. it felt good in that moment. if i feel like this tomorrow i might do it again. and then i have to go to work, put my happy mask on, and get through it.

i still haven’t forgiven * for the things he said to me. i’m just pretending i have because it’s better for everyone. everyone loves him and i don’t think anyone understands why he hurt me and what he said to hurt me. he’s spoken to everyone about me. i know everyone sees me as the bad person anyway. there’s no point. fake it till you make it, that’s what they say. if i have to pretend to love him to make everyone’s life easier, then i will.

i’m so so so fucked right now.

[du0tine]

well, fuck.

this isn’t great. frankly its horrible.

it’s never fun being suspended so high in the air with the harsh winds blowing roughly in your direction forcing you to seek shelter against the icy and snowy mixture of rock that sits atop the towering mountain.

to be honest, had it been any other day this would’ve been thrilling. being up here in harsh conditions, struggling to hold on and testing my mental and physical capabilities would’ve been so much fucking fun.

but there are days where you just imagine the rope that holds you up so high, snapping and slicing against a sharp piece of rock as you plummet to your death. the sky is the last thing you see, the butterflies in your stomach going mad from the sudden drop and you can’t help but think, “im going to die.”

most people, in this case: climbers that is, don’t want to die. they understand the risks, they know that given what they do things are bound to happen and im someone who understands that concept very well. but some of us are just so desensitized to the point that death feels like nothing, we’re used to losing team mates, friends and lovers. i just didn’t understand why i wanted for it to happen to me so much.

climbing is a large part of my life amongst other things; friends, family and other significant factors. all pieces both large and small that factor into what i call my life, something that i can’t help but be grateful for. but sometimes i realize life is fleeting. i realize just how short it is and sometimes i realize that, you know what? im okay with dying. whether it be today, tomorrow or the day after, i understand that death is inevitable and sometimes i just yearn for it to happen a little faster.

it often comes and goes, starting with tears and ending with cold, blank and rather monotone eyes gazing into the emptiness. i don’t know what it feels like exactly, the physicality is easy to understand but when i have to put into words its too hard. but it feel freezing cold, isolation hurts, solitude is pain. im all alone with nothing and no one and in fact, i do think im alone despite everything.

i just know im alone.

i have so many people in my life but it’s hard for me to understand why they’re here, it becomes difficult for me to keep them in my life. i find it hard to continue to speak with lifelong friends, keep in touch with cousins and other family. my parents and siblings (my brothers only being 3 & 5) being the only people i can speak to without feeling so choked up.

i speak to people ive met here (tumblr) but it never goes past a few conversations that occur from time to time and to those i do talk consistently with i can’t help but feel like i annoy. sometimes people reach out to me for advice, for guidance and of course, i aid them. it only pains me a little to never be asked if im okay in return but whatever right? as long as the people are happy, then im happy.

here in nepal, it’s been nice. people are nice. the way of life is one that no one takes for granted and it makes me feel out of place, like a spoiled brat who just yearns so much to escape but i try my best to just take a deep breath and indulge. the buddhist culture here makes me understand the ways of life, living alongside other climbers and watching sherpas dance to the tune of death, twisting around and just barely sneaking past almost every time.

despite how beautiful it is with the towering peaks, glaciers and fields of luscious green grass. death holds a strong presence here, one that’s covered by the tourism and clusters of climbers. but one that’s never ignored, everything being worshipped. pooja ceremonies being held for safe journeys and honouring the beautiful land, the mother of it all with offerings. mother nature is honoured and yet, she still plucks us one by one.

last year on my winter expedition i met a boy, well a man. someone who was 12 years older than me, someone i grew to have feelings for that in fact were reciprocated. despite seeming inappropriate, it was all consensual, it was positive and perfect. there was no dirty intention behind it and despite the large age gap it quickly flourished into a sweet, relationship but i found myself growing distant.

we were both sponsored by the same company which is how we met, the both of us being skiers and climbers. people who understood the dangers of venturing out into the wild, knowing what it meant to leave it all behind and pursue your wildest dreams.

he was perfect for me and yet, i broke up with him while living in nepal. i didn’t know why i did at first and it took me a lot of thinking. a lot of time being alone and realizing that throughout my whole life id been accustomed to supporting myself, knowing that there was no one else for me but me. perhaps it was the mixture of dreadful trauma id faced when i was younger, things i never told anyone, things that i only now realize just how bad they were.

regardless, the past is the past and i know i can’t let it hold me down and yet it’s just so hard to keep living when you know just how gravely you’ve been damaged. but i always tell myself that there’s someone out there who’s got it worse, someone who hasn’t stopped suffering from the day they’ve been brought into this world and until this very day.

like them i also wander the earth and yet i have an advantage, one that i should never take for granted and that being that everything that had happened, is over. i shouldn’t let it bring me down and ruin all the good things i have now.

so anyways, what lead to me ultimately breaking down was when i found myself like i mentioned before climbing upwards, fifteen pitches ahead in the air with my team around me. belayed upwards as i find myself freezing momentarily when the snow from above comes falling down, raining down on me as the wind whips me in the face.

it felt so cold, i couldn’t help but press my forehead against the wall and look downwards at my dangling feet. my hands were numb, my ice pick wedged into the snow and ice, my toes just barely warm. i just found myself observing how far away the ground was from where i hung. the distance from where i spiralled about to the ground was like how disconnected i felt from the earth. physically i am here but mentally im lost. where am i? i don’t know, maybe ill know someday? but what if i just don’t try anymore and let it all go, the place im in isn’t a bad place to die in fact, it’s beautiful.

but i can’t let myself plummet to the ground in front of people i know, i can’t traumatize them. i can’t be selfish and hurt others, id already done it once and that was to the man i loved.

pushing forwards we finished climbing, taking in the air at the top and looking down at everything. feeling like we were in fact on top of the world when really this was only one of the peaks we decided to acclimatize to in preparation for the everest/lhotse push that would happen in the next two months.

the feeling was the same as always, a feeling of satisfaction. you feel unstoppable at the top of the mountain, like there’s nothing and no one in your path and yet for the first time i felt anxious.

i felt like i was going to throw up. it didn’t feel great to be up here, i didn’t know why at that moment but when we began rappelling downwards i couldn’t help but think about how cold hearted i was for breaking up with him. there was no reason for me to do so and yet, i just did. it wasn’t right and it took me sometime to realize why. i needed to make sure i could at least put in the effort to do something.

the trek back to base camp was agonizing. i felt like i couldn’t breath properly, falling out of tune with my surroundings and just marching forwards. my team looking like blobs of colourful parkas. silently i felt myself weeping and just feeling like shit. i hated this.

it was embarrassing, i always made sure to peel myself apart and cry when there was no one around and yet here i was crying with people i knew and got to know around me. one of my leaders, who was a single mom that was a total badass in the mountains and one of the best ski mountaineer ive met (she’s also my team lead) spotted me falling apart and staggered behind to talk things out with me and i began to find comfort in consolidating in someone.

this was something i never even did with my own mother. this was the first time i looked for guidance in someone who’d lived longer than me and understood how grief, sadness and just a clusterfuck of emotions works.

with every step i took i slowly pieced the answers i needed for my puzzle piece and now here i am sitting inside my tent typing this foolish rant. my fingers lingering over the call button of the contact id for my ex boyfriend.

i think ill call him and apologize.

it’ll be a good first step.

update: things have been solved (relationship wise) but i don’t feel too good mentally nor physically. unfortunately, i received heartbreaking news that my bestfriend passed away and i feel lost. i don’t know what’s going on, what’s going to happen and i just feel guilty and pathetic. despite that comment, the less people see this the better, it’s not good energy and it’s just negatively going to affect others but i can’t dip without an explanation.

things are on a queue.

[lukneetoonz]

Ghost of You Part III

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Summary: You were the greatest thing in Katsuki’s life…. now you’re gone.

Pairing: Bakugou x Reader

Warnings: Angst, graphic descriptions, mentions of death, cursing, hospital stuff mentioned(?), also kirishima crying 🥺

Word Count: 1,881

A/N: I am not a clown, I’m the whole circus. I really thought about making a long long chapter but it just didn’t feel right? Anyways, I’m so sorry for the long wait and thank you for sticking around, it means a lot. Here’s to 200 followers!!

NO ARTWORK POSTED IS MY OWN AND IS FOUND ON PINTEREST

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The world around you was black, but you could hear everything- feel everything. Muffled sounds of sirens, people crying, the echoes of commanding bellows, all of it surrounded you… suffocated you. Even if you wanted to open your eyes, you couldn’t. It was like your whole body was a thousand pounds, and you had no strength to even lift a finger. Was this how you die? Alone and scared?

Katsuki couldn’t breathe. If he hadn’t- only if he could of- fuck. Snapping out of his thoughts, he ran to you and picked your limp body up like it was nothing, making sure you were pressed against his chest. “Please… please please please don’t give up. You deserved better, you still deserve better. Please don’t die Y/N…. please baby I love you- I would rather have you alive and hating me then dead…” The ash blonde hero’s voice was weak and shaky, tears welling in his eyes.

Why was it when you were dying, that you could hear Katsuki’s words, but you couldn’t say your own? Not even your final ones. Even after everything, you hated that you loved him so much. Hearing his voice was so soothing to you, when he picked you up it was like the pain numbed slightly… Bakugou Katsuki always did say he would come to your rescue for the rest of his life, and he was a man that kept his word. You wished you could tell him- tell him that you loved him too, but you couldn’t.

The feeling of your body growing heavier made you panic as you began thinking of how Katsuki will think you died hating him, but that’s not the truth. You just hated that you loved him- especially after what he did. You hated yourself for letting him make you feel this way. You hated a lot of things, but you didn’t hate him. Honestly, you don’t think you had it in you to ever hate him. Trying to divert your bad thoughts, you started thinking of the last time Katsuki held you- the last time he kissed you. Would that be the last time either of those things happened, and you didn’t cherish it more…

As red eyes stared at you, running towards an ambulance he started rambling, placing you on the stretcher. Looking on, He saw the paramedics run to your side, putting a mask on your face and an IV in your hand, how could he not have saved you…. Bakugou looked around to find kirishima talking to the police, a grim look on the red haired man's face as he explained in detail what had happened. Suddenly anger started rising in Katsuki, crackles heard as he looked like he could kill the next person to get into his way, unfortunately the anger was directed at his friend.

*•*

As Kirishima saw the chaos, he knew he needed to tell Bakugou what he knew, no matter the consequences. Running up, Kirishima blocked a hit from a villain and looked at Bakugou with a guilt ridden face, “Ground Zero! She works here- 5th floor… she wasn’t off today. Go!” The explosive hero felt his heart stop beating when he heard his friends' words. You were here. Not only that, but you were still inside the half destroyed building with villains.

He couldn’t even tell his feet were moving, the ground soon not under his feet as he used his quirk to fly up to the fifth floor. What Katsuki saw- he will always remember; a scream ripped through him when his eyes followed your falling body. Breaking the glass, he tackled the villain who hurt you and dealt way more damage than necessary, half her face unrecognisable. A hand came and pulled Bakugou off the villain, Kaminari had came to help and he knew he needed to stop his friend before doing something he truly regretted.

“Bakugou! Stop-! I’ll handle the clean up, just go make sure Y/N is okay.” Red eyes burned into the electric hero before huffing, and jogging towards your body. As he saw your limp body, black veins spreading under your skin, he felt as if his heart was ripped straight out of his chest. Bakugou didn’t hesitate to first make sure you still had a pulse, and then when he was reassured that you’re alive, he picked you up and started running, a determined yet worried look on his face.

This was his fault. If he hadn’t been a complete douche, you wouldn’t have even been working there in the first place. Katsuki knew he wouldn’t be able to silence his thoughts, because as soon as they started, he couldn’t hear anything else. If you died, it would be on him. Your death would have been because of him. There was nothing in this world that he regretted more than allowing cami into your bed, but now that regret had a whole new meaning.

*•*

Arriving at the hospital, you were carried out and rushed inside, yelling and orders being tossed around. Still, you were paralyzed, the venom first attacked your motor skills, but now- it was attacking your organs. You could feel your heart slowing down, lungs taking shorter breaths, and your brain tuning everything out. Oh how badly did you want to scream out and tell them what you were feeling, tell them the way the venom was affecting you, but you couldn’t.

A giant poke was delivered to your arm, a warm, but stinging sensation traveling up your arm. Slowly you started falling asleep, one voice very distinct called out right before everything went blank. “Don’t you fucking die Y/N! I need you!!” Bakugou…. he came. A small smile graced your lips, a sign of you having control of the small feature, but before you could test out your other body functions, your whole mind went numb and the world around you went mute.

Tears rolled down Bakugou's face as he watched the medical team wheel you off, he felt helpless. For the first time in his life, Mr Pro Hero didn’t know what to do or how to help. How could he not know how to help you, the love of his life? If he couldn’t help you, how was he going to help anyone else? If you left him, Bakugou Katsuki didn’t know if he’d be able to survive. Rubbing his wet face, vermillion eyes looked around, before settling on chairs he can sit in, so he did. Even if the chairs were uncomfortable, the hero planned on staying there until he got news about you.

Uraraka came running in, a panicked face as she looked around, wanting to know where her friend was. As soon as she saw bakugou’s exhausted and miserable looking figure, she couldn’t help her own tears break through and stream down her rosy cheeks. “What happened?” The shakey female voice pulled Katsuki out of his thoughts as his eyes met uraraka’s. Motioning for her to sit down, he looked away with a sniffle, “Villain attack… a-and she was attacked by one with a spider mutation quirk.”

Uraraka knew that there was always going to be civilians that got hurt during a villain attack, but never did she think you would be one of them. Sure, there were casualties during the bigger attacks, but- that’s normally because they are in the danger zone of the fight, not deliberately attacked. “H-wh- she's gonna be fine… right?” As innocent as the question was, it made Katsuki angry. It made him angry because he didn’t know the answer to that, and he always knows the answer to everything. “Bakugou…” the soft whisper accompanied by eyes filled with sadness and pity, made the ash blonde want to explode, So he did.

“I don’t fucking know!! Okay?! Stop asking me things that I don’t know the answer to! I don’t know how she’s gonna survive this, It was like looking at a corpse already. You’re her emergency contact- so why don’t you go and ask the nurses and stop asking me!” Even if he was yelling, he wasn’t angry, he was worried. The strain in his voice gave him away, and if you looked closely you could see he was tearing up.

“She’s gonna be okay Bakugou…. you know how strong she is, there's no way she would just leave us without saying goodbye.” Uraraka’s voice was shy but full of determination. Before the conversation could continue, a doctor came out, his words muted to Bakugou, vision going blurry while he heard uraraka’s cries, as she hugged the doctor.

*•*

5 days. 120 hours. Yet, Bakugou didn’t care, nor did he care how uncomfortable the hospital chair was. He stayed by your bedside, even if you were unresponsive. Your friends came by, not only to check on you but to also check on Bakugou, they were worried for both their friends. One was in a coma, and the other started to look like a living corpse. Katsuki didn’t eat, didn't sleep, and barely drank anything, it was like he’d given up.

“Bakugou… she wouldn’t like that you’re doing this to yourself.” A hand was placed on the ash blondes shoulder, Kirishima frowning behind him. “Fuck off… you don’t know what she wants. None of us do. She’s basically fucking dead!” Standing up suddenly, Bakugou panted, lips twitching into a frown. Forcing himself to look away from you, he walked towards the door. “I-I need to get some air. Stay or leave, I don’t care.”

Walking out the door, he slammed it behind him, leaving the red haired man in your room, eyes filled with sadness. Kirishima took a seat next to you, patting your arm he sighed, “He didn’t mean it…. he’s just a mess because he loves you- and because he blames himself. I thought he was bad when you broke up, but this- Y/N you would scream at him for not taking care of himself. Please wake up, if not for yourself, please do it for Bakugou. I don’t think he would live if you die.”

As the red haired hero rested his head on your bed, your heart rate spiked, making an alarm go off on your floor, nurses and doctors rushing in suddenly. Kirishima was pushed out of the room, a panicked look on his face as he tried calling Bakugou, only to be sent to voicemail. Kiri didn’t even realize he was crying until the tears fell onto his lips, making him taste the salty liquid. You were his friend, and he knew that losing you meant losing Bakugou too, and he couldn’t bare losing two friends at once.

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Taglist; @katsukiswhore @leeeah-loooser @do-not-talk-to-me-i-am-awkward @desia2 @katsukiwonu @xxlushika @lov4kbg @aj-1154 @six-piece-chicken-mcnobody @nekee-lilac02

[intricate-oeuvre]

On how to be deadly || Geralt of Rivia || part VII

Word count: 3.5k+ a thiccc one

Summary: Axelia is Witcher experiment herself and has gone through same harsh Trials as Geralt, but she wasn’t so lucky with the outcome. Her vision didn’t become better. Therefore, she was rendered blind in the end. And because of that, she solely uses her Witcher senses to make her ways. Only potions can give her false sense of sight for limited time.Somewhere along the way she meets the Rivian. Who’s interested to know how she’s been killing monsters and hasn’t been killed herself yet.

Warnings: heavy angst, fighting.

A/N: I HAVE HEARD YOUR VOICE, DEAR READERS, SO THE JASKIER ANGST CAN START IN NEXT CHAPTER!!!

part I || part II || part III || part IV || part V || part VI || part VII || part VIII || part IX || part X || part XI || part XII || part XIII | Epilogue

A wolf is a wolf. Even in a cage. Even dressed in silk.

Both of them still were on the ground, fighting each other, when Axelia had landed a gut wrenching kick right between Geralt’s legs. Thus, sending him down on one knee.

“Oh, sweet Lord!” Jaskier winced at that, his own hands flying to cover himself.

“Should I help him?” Ciri asked as she did too wince at the unfair kick from Axelia.

“Who is she, Jaskier?” Yennefer asked before the bard could answer the first question. Yen’s eyes glued to girl’s precise movements.

“I…um… I have sworn to keep my mouth shut.” He glanced at the sorceress. Yennefer didn’t question anything else, for now, and just continued to watch.

That kick at Geralt had given Axelia window of time to recollect herself. Staying few steps in front of him, she leaned down and rested her hands on her knees. She felt angry, adrenaline pumping through her veins. She was angry at everything, more so at the witcher in front of her. She was angry at whole fucking Continent. She was done fighting with grace, ready to get hands on dirty.

“You want to go again?!” she screamed at him, flailing her hands at her sides up.

“What are you trying to prove?” Geralt grunted as he spat out some blood to his side. With a slight wince he stood up, smearing the blood off of his lips onto the back of his hand.

“That I don’t need you!” Axelia continued to scream, as she started to round him helical. The sweat that had gathered on the back of her neck, made her feel cold every time when gust of wind caught on her skin.

“Yet, here you are.” Geralt stated as he regained his fighting stance and started the rounding too.

How could he say such things? Did he not know that she couldn’t do anything about it? That whatever she chose to do, she’ll always end up wherever he is? Has he forgotten that they are soulmates? Had all these years with Yennefer, really made him forget about such things?

Axelia’s eyes turned feral and with animalistic snarl she charged at him once again. This time he had expected her action. They had trained together, after all. With step to the side in very last second, Geralt got out of her way, making her miss him entirely. But with instantaneous turn Geralt reached for her high ponytail that seemed half messy now. And with a yank back and irritated scream that was almost on boarder of painful, she was wrenched back. Her body completely thrown out of balance as her head was yanked too far back, making her land on her back on the ground with a heavy thud. Jolting all breath out of her lungs. More tears gathering in her eyes. She was sure Geralt could break her, and he will if she won’t ask him to stop. He walked closer to her, leaning over.

“Are you done?” He spat with tilt of his head, same irritation on his face as on hers. Axelia bared her bloody teeth at his upside-down form.

“Why did you follow me?!” she seethed, her nails digging in the dirt besides her.

“It works both ways, you know.” Geralt said, resting his elbow on his knee, thus leaning closer down at her. He was breathing heavily while Axelia was still trying to regain her breath which had been knocked out of her just seconds ago.

“That is: why you were drawn here is the explanation why I followed you.” He said, as his eyes glanced at his own hand that Axelia had sunk her teeth into. With painful gulp she continued staring daggers at him. Which reminded her of the knife she kept in her right boots. Planting both of her feet on the ground and bending her legs at knees she seemed done with the fight.

“I assumed that you-” Geralt caught movement with corner of his eyes. Axelia’s hand was slowly creeping along the dirt towards her boot. Geralt moved swiftly and with a stomp, firmly planted his foot on her wrist. The sudden application of force and pressure making her hand crack. Axelia hissed at him, not sure if he had broken her wrist or not.

Geralt sent her a glare and then reached for her boot to pull out the dagger hiding in there. With that ‘are you for real’ look he raised eyebrow at her.

“What? You always told to have some contingency plan.” She rolled her eyes at him. Throwing the dagger to the side, he continued on whatever he wanted to tell her before:

“As I said, before you interrupted me so vulgarly,” he applied a little bit more pressure on her wrist, making his point clear: “I believed that you knew how that soulmate banter went.” He sighed.

“I don’t know two shits about soulmates!” Axelia spat, blood flying out of her mouth as she raised head higher. Geralt narrowed his eyes at her and stepped off of her hand. With huff she cradled her hand to her chest and sat up. Her face smeared with dirt and blood, only two lines seemed clear on her face- where the tears had streamed down her cheeks from frustration. Her hair in similar state with dirt and grass in her white strands. Geralt looked matching, his hair messy with dirt and stems of grass. His face sporting similar look with all the dirt and his bloody nose.

“You’re like a savage beast.” Geralt grunted out as he looked at his bitten hand again, turning it one way and then another.

“Yeah, and you almost broke my wrist.” She grumbled and moved her hand.

“Hm.” Geralt hummed gravely.

“You’re always running. Why?” witcher asked her after brief moment of silence.

“We have spectators.” Axelia said, turning to look over her shoulder, and letting out a small hiss of pain. Her ribs most likely were bruised. For a second Geralt turned to look on their audience, but didn’t heed any more attention than that.

“Axelia.” Geralt stated her name, still waiting for her answer.

“What? What do you want me to say? Why wouldn’t I run from something that I can’t really have? From something that could have been mine, but now it isn’t? The… The… All this, whatever.” She said looking at her dirty hands.

“It’s easier to run away from you, than to be reminded of all the what ifs.” She sighed looking up at him.

“I really am a failed experiment.” She groaned laying back on the ground and staring in the grey clouds, still holding her wrist to her chest.

“Stop that.” Geralt advised. Her eyes briefly flickered to him, questioning burning in her eyes.

“You’re doubting yourself again, stop that.” Geralt explained to her. She just let out half-amused chuckled at that, seeing no true humour in it. Truth be told, Geralt was and still is the only one who ever believed in her, in all the things she did, all the things she pursued. Maybe the only thing he didn’t believe, was her pursuit in soulmates.

“Aren’t you in the position to talk.” Axelia started cynically. “You have love of your life, and she has you… Odd triangle, if you ask me.” She rolled her eyes and finally pulled herself up.

“I must leave, Geralt.” She said turning to him, her eyes momentarily jumping behind him, where one in the distance could see those three on-watchers.

“That’s her. With the dark hair, isn’t it?” she asked, slightly distracted.

“Yes.”

“And that’s… law of surprise child, Ciri…” she trailed off in her observations.

“Yes, and the third is the bard.” Geralt said with slight annoyance in his voice. Axelia’s eyes flickered back to Geralt’s face, her eyebrows furrowing. Without any other words, she turned and started to walk away. Feeling that she should finally give up on her love life. Even if it meant to lie to her own heart every time, she’ll ever stumble upon the witcher. It’s taking toll on her, nor her body, nor her mind and nor her heart could take any more damage.

“To whom are you trying to prove that?” Geralt asked in reminiscence on previous talk, when he didn’t find anything else to say to her to stop her from leaving. Axelia stopped and turned around to look at him.

“Myself.” She said determined about her answer, but it soon that feling disappeared: “I thought that I will prove it today. But then you decided to follow me. And ruin my self-restrain.”

“You have no idea how hard it is to stay away from you, whenever I learn that you are near. It’s like you have this magnetic pull that I can’t resist. My body is ready to go through such dreadful lengths just to bask in your presence. Does that make me clingy or weak? It does, but in that moment, I do not give a single flying fuck. Because that’s how soulmates work, Geralt. You asked me if I know. And I do. I have visited too many mages and sorcerers, just to get rid of all these connections and feelings. Even tried to find a fucking djinn, can you believe?” Axelia started her monologue. Back in Kaer Morhen she always was the one who felt most emotions.

“I want to start o'er so much.” She said quietly to herself, tears of desperation gathering in her eyes. Looking up at the sky, she tried to will them away.

“See? You always have my emotions fucked up.” She smiled at him through tears in her eyes. She was so deep in woods of emotions, and right now, all she wanted was to get into the clear and get rid of everything.

Geralt stood up straighter, about to take a step closer to her. But at the moment she seemed like scared animal, and with shake of her head, she took a step back. Geralt hated to see her cry. She was such of strong woman, such a fierce warrior that could be broken and beaten to the pulp, but she still would stand up and fight, and when she was crying, it meant that she was truly and utterly broken. Not only physically but also mentally.

“Axelia.” Geralt said quietly, cautiously stretching one hand in front of him, showing that he didn’t mean harm.

“Geralt.” Axelia chocked out in same manner. How did she turn from blood spitting fighter into this soft, trembling creature, was beyond Geralt’s apprehension? Did all these years, so far and yet so close to each other, left her in this state of half breaking? This reminded him when they both went through Trials of Dreams where they were going through mutations to improve their vision. He remembered all the screams, grunts and moans of pain as mutations took effect. And when the pain had ended came the clairvoyance. This epiphany type of feeling when one could see in the clearest way, catching every single dust particle in air. He had smelled that velvet rose and sandalwood in the air, signifying that he was still alive. But the utmost silence coming from besides him, where on the other table was supposedly Axelia, made dread settle deep in his gut

“Axelia?” he had questioned her silence as his eyes fell upon her face, the first thing he had the chance to see when he reopened his eyes after all that agonizing pain. And her face had looked like it did now. Full with cruel hurt, tears streaming down her face, as her mouth was half-open in silent scream.

“Geralt?” she had asked, voice trembling, her whole being shaking. The first thing he saw with his new eyes that he had gained through pain, was even more pain. On the face of a girl that was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen; on a person he loves and cares for.

“Geralt? Is everything alright?” Both of them could hear Yennefer’s voice closer. Geralt looked over his shoulder and Axelia looked past him, both of them noticing that all three of them had advanced closer. Yennefer and Ciri quite bravely walking closer, while Jaskier walked behind them – latter knowing better than to interfere.

“I’m dying a little every time I see you with her.” Axelia dried her nose in her sleeve as her eyes turned back to him. But she couldn’t stop them from flicking back to Yennefer and Ciri who still came closer, wanting to know what was going on.

“Hey, is everything alright?” Ciri looked from Geralt to the girl that was in front of them- crying, trembling and holding her injured wrist in her hand close to her heart.

Axelia’s eyes were skipping from one person to another. Too many eyes looking at her, while she was crying and being weak. She was witcher, Geralt never was like that. Her eyes stopped at the sword and dagger that were now in Ciri’s hands. Fuck that, she’ll live without that silver sword for some time. It was very expensive, but she’ll manage. Then her eyes flickered to Yennefer, who was looking at her with confusion. Then to Geralt who’s expression she couldn’t read. Back to Ciri who looked upon the crying girl with sympathy and concern. And in the end her eyes caught on her cloak that Jaskier was holding and her blindfold that was wrapped around his other arm in nonchalant way. It was such contrast, the black fabric with his dark blueish outfit. Axelia’s teary eyes flashed up to meet his. Only apologetic look gracing his features. She-witcher felt so bad and useless at the moment. She awkwardly looked down at the ground and with sob looked up. At no one in particular, somewhere above everybody’s heads. With her tongue running along the front of her teeth, Axelia turned around and went into the forest. Her only escape.

And she run.

And run. The only thing that she knew how to do.

No one followed her, but their eyes collectively turned to Geralt, who was still staring at the forest trees.

“Really, Geralt?” Jaskier questioned, his brows furrowing.

“What did you do?” Ciri asked, her eyes flickering to the woods for a second until returning to Geralt.

“Which time is it? The fourth or something, that you just let her leave like that?” Jaskier continued.

Witcher didn’t answer. And Yennefer didn’t seem happy either.

“I do hope someone will explain all of this.” She said tad annoyed. With slight anger bubbling in her eyes she looked at Jaskier then at Ciri and finally at Geralt. With a grunt witcher turned around and went back to the city, Yennefer hot on his heels and not shutting up about this whole ordeal.

“Dandelion, are you coming?” Ciri asked as she was already walking towards the forest. Jaskier looked at the cloak and tulle fabric in his hands and then looked up at Ciri.

“Are you sure, you can find her?” Jaskier furrowed his brows while catching up with Ciri.

“Geralt thought me, of course I can.” Ciri rolled her eyes playfully and walked along the road that led into the forest.

They had been walking for some time.

“So, who is she?” Ciri asked.

“To me or to Geralt?” Jaskier asked, rearranging his grip on the dark cloak.

“Oh, so she is something to you too?!” Ciri stopped for a second. Geralt once or twice had mentioned something about soulmates and the fact the he had one too. And Ciri today had made a bet with herself that the girl from earlier must have some connections to Geralt, mostly likely this all soulmates thing.

“She is his soulmate, right?” Ciri guessed, glancing down at the sword in her hands.

“Yep.” Jaskier popped the p. Then he explained everything that Geralt had let him know about Axelia, but keeping the details that she herself had told him, to himself.

Meanwhile Axelia was running on the road, hair already fallen out of that messed up ponytail. Her ears catching the sound of stream somewhere on her right. Deep in the woods, off the road. Everything was closing in and she needed to escape. Taking a sharp turn, she dodged into the woods, not following road anymore. She was running, trees scratching her face, her feet stumbling on the fallen tree branches. Her lungs were burning, and her hands started to claw at her corset. With scream of anger she pulled open the string that laced it together at the front. With half-revealed hiss, she threw corset away, her hands latching onto her forearm braces and ridding herself from them too. Unbuttoning first four buttons from the top of her shirt, she leaned against nearby tree. Tears choking her and not letting her take a deep breath of air. She sunk to the ground. Letting out a silent scream as her hands clawed at ground, her nails digging through dead leaves and dirt. She was drowning in her own tears. Breathes just coming out in broken sobs as she tried to pull in new air with choked wheezes. Everything hurt so much, that she couldn’t even stand up anymore. Her mind was worsening her, playing sweet and cherished memories before her blind eyes. She didn’t want to remember anything! She just wanted to be swallowed up by the sound of the stream that was couple feet in front of her.

“No! Stop!” she screamed at herself, her dirty nails now digging in her long hair, and pulling at the tress with such force that her face was pulled up in even more agony. Her thoughts were running circles with unwanted memories. At times, at such quantity that she was ready to run in a tree head first, and just bash her head against it until she won’t feel a thing anymore. She broke, bruised and completely alone.

***

“Why aren’t we staying on the road?” Jaskier asked, as he and Ciri were now in middle of woods and not on a trusty path anymore.

“Because she went this way.” Ciri noted as she looked at all the freshly broken branches and footprints left from Axelia’s stumbles.

“Is this hers?” Ciri asked picking up Axelia’s corset.

“And those are her vambraces...?” Jaskier nodded towards the dark forearm braces that were thrown on the ground further ahead. One further than the other. Beckoning towards Axelia’s whereabouts.

“She mostly likely is at the river.” Ciri concluded.

“Let’s hope she’s not trying to drown herself.” Jaskier mumbled walking onward.

Axelia heard them before anything else. Silent whispers flowing in the wind. And part of her told her to get up and run. But all she could manage to do was sit up against the big tree.

“Oh, please, no…” She mumbled as her tears now were silent. Occasional sob escaping her. She clumped her mouth shut, to shut herself up. Her legs were drawn to her torso, and her chin tilted down towards her chest. With fear she was waiting for the scent to finally reach her. And when she felt it, more panic settled in. At first, she felt rich fragrance, something akin to wild berries, very refined. But her panic subsided a little, when a familiar scent hit her senses. Her head immediately snapped up, her eyes welling up even more. It was familiar, but not familiar in a way that could make her run away again. It was scent that reminded her of the times when she needed someone to resort in, someone she could rely on and talk freely to. Not hiding her emotions, not keeping up the perfect witcher image. She had needed trusty ears, who would listen and not judge her. Someone who could give her false shelter from outside world and her own emotions. Even if it was for a little moment.

Then she heard the sound of two pairs of feet stepping through the dry leaves. The sound of crunching making her feel like scared animal, who is waiting for the predator to finally strike. The gentle breeze of wind, made the two scents more prominent. The second scent making her risk all of it and glance around the big tree trunk. She carefully putted her hand on the ground and with one eye she peered behind the tree. Her eyes scanned over the trees, firstly catching on the white-haired girl, that was saying something, her eyes glued on the ground in front of her feet. Then her eyes zeroed onto the second person.

Jaskier was the first of two who noticed Axelia hiding behind a tree. With small gasp he slowed his steps. Trying to show to the hurt girl, that he meant no harm. At that Ciri noticed her too, and stopped all together, not wanting to make the girl feel threatened.

“Axelia?” Jaskier questioned her, still slowly approaching her. Axelia’s eyes locked with his at the call of her name.

“Jaskier…” Axelia choked as she quickly pushed herself up. Pushing off of a tree she run to him, crushing in his chest as tears stared falling down her cheeks again, staining his shirt. Praying that she could just wish all this away.

“I’m here.” He mumbled in her hair, his eyes briefly flicking to Ciri, who only held all the sympathy for the girl in Jaskier’s arms.

~~~~

part I || part II || part III || part IV || part V || part VI || part VII || part VIII || part IX || part X || part XI || part XII || part XIII | Epilogue

tags:

@boiled-onionrings​ @fandomwithnolifesblog​ @901seconds​ @kingniazx​ @shesakillerkween @your-dreams-are-strong​ @stitchattacks​ @ayamenimthiriel​ @stormfire6​ @mr-illegal-king​ @stretchkingblog97​ @mikariell95​ @geralt-of-motherfucking-rivia​ @martian-m​ @republicansithlord​ @notso-fetch​ @lizliz3107​ @godlydolans​ @arsaky-lou​ @eternallyvenus​ @le-reina-asesina @alwayshave-faith​ @writingmi​ @staringmoony​ @kenai731 @holychic​ @dramaticturnaway​ @ihopeyousteponarosepetal​ @seouldesire​ @runs-with-sciss0rs @yes-captainstark​​ @fandomhell97​​ @newtdisneywho​​

[its-ya-boi-autumn]

Omg omg omg its me AGAIN. Idk how its possible but im in love all over again. I was thinking, like idk ive got so many ideas but like what if one day adeline is like 15 and she kills someone out of instinct, rage etc. And shes rlly guilty and chrollo happens to be in the same city/area n sees n hes gives her the talk??? Like "it is what it is". Maybe even helps her hide the body n evidence so his ex s/o doesn't flip? Totally understand if u dont wanna do 2 requests in a row, love ya xx.

I'm totally fine with doing two in a row baby~ I'm just a little slow is all 🤣 I've had a lot of social interaction going on today and then I came home and now I gotta fix my room so if this doesn't come out the same day I apologize 😅 (probably won't, I'm just super tired) Warning: abuse and violence

Adeline’s chest was heaving, her throat feeling as if she were breathing fire instead of air. Her chest and cheeks were colored an angry red and her legs were beginning to go numb. She couldn’t fall now, not when he was quick on her heels. Tears stained her cheeks, still falling from her eyes. The adrenaline continued to push her forward. To keep her running as fast as she could. The ponytail that held her hair up finally gave way, allowing her long black hair to block some of her vision when she turned around for a split second.

Danny was still too close for her to even begin to slow, his stamina almost inhuman.

A sob wracked her entire body at the sight and she nearly tripped. Her eyes frantically darted everywhere. Where could she run that would slow him down? Could she hide anywhere? Was there anyone else around? She had to find something to at least slow him down. Was there anything at all? Running straight through the pathway in the woods had proven to be a bad idea after she came out into a vast meadow of nothing but grass and dirt patches. 

“Adeline-”

“Leave me alone!” her voice screeched into the evening air, tearing at the tissue in her throat. She prayed her voice would be heard by someone. Anyone. Danny’s pace picked up, his arms quickly enveloping her, crushing her ribs.

“Adeline Lucilfer-”

“LET GO OF ME!” her fist reached up, coming into contact with his jaw and forcing his head up roughly. Danny released her, his hands covering his mouth at the throbbing pain he was probably experiencing. Adeline wasted no time to be proud of herself and began to run again, but her legs weren’t having it. The short time she had been stopped caused her muscles to relax and they wouldn’t cooperate anymore. Instantly, she fell forward, trying to force herself up again and keep going. She heard the deep groan of pain resonating in Danny’s chest. Her heart raced. What could she do? Her legs were rendered completely useless right now and there was nothing she could defend herself with other than her own two fists.

All the running she had done was starting to catch up to her too, her lungs having a hard time allowing her to breathe and her throat burning. Her body wouldn’t help her this time. She was sure she was done for. Adeline flipped onto her back, trying to almost crab walk away while Danny was still getting his bearings. When his eyes met hers, they were swirling with nothing but pure malice. He’d had enough.

“Adeline...” his voice was soft despite his hard face. Her own eyes grew wide, tears once again blurring her vision. The only thing she could actually see was Danny’s broad shape standing to his full height, strolling towards her slowly.

“No... no, no, no, no- Danny please, just leave me alone!” she opted to beg for him, hoping that some slimmer of his good side would show through, showing him what he was actually doing. What he was about to do. Danny didn’t seem to notice her begging or at the very least he didn’t seem to care. Adeline pushed herself up to run but she wasn’t fast enough. A harsh blow was received directly between her shoulder blades, forcing any air in her lungs out within a matter of seconds. She choked, falling onto her chest again. Coughing, she made another attempt to steady herself, but another hit was taken on her lower back. It didn’t hurt as bad as the first one, but the initial shock caused her to hesitate for just a moment too long. A rough hand snatched up her arm and suddenly her body was flipped onto its back. Danny dropped to his knees on top of her and she watched his fist slam into her chest.

Another hit.

Another.

And another.

Her face.

Her chest.

Her stomach.

Adeline was limp on the ground, her breathing becoming more and more labored as the sun set behind her. Her vision had gone completely blurry and she could feel the large bruises forming on her skin. He was brutal. Adeline was only 15, this shouldn’t of been happening. She should have listened to you. She should have listened when you told her to find Chrollo and bring him to her. She should have listened when you said to have Chrollo handle ‘daddy’. But she didn’t. Adeline thought she could protect you from Danny. She wanted to be the hero.

“Are you done running, Adeline?” his voice broke her thoughts. She couldn’t even bring herself to make eye contact with him, still watching the sun fall below the horizon, stars beginning to twinkle in the distance.

“Answer me.” the command shook her.

“Yes...” she tried to form the word properly but her tongue was too big for her mouth all of a sudden.

“Yes what?”

“Yes... daddy...” his sexualization of the word sickened her, but she couldn’t bear to be hit again. She might go unconscious if he struck another blow. He stood, taking her by the shirt collar and making her stand. She stumbled, coming across something in her jacket pocket as her hand fell in while she stabilized herself on her knees.

Her house key.

Hope pushed through her misery. She could put an end to this. An end to him.

“Hurry up, your mother can’t be alone for too long, not with that Chrollo guy running around still. Fucking scumbag..” Danny scoffed, turning to face her again. It hurt her to hear him call Chrollo such a thing. Chrollo had been nothing but sweet you her and you when he came over to see you. She wasn’t sure of why it was her specifically that he wanted to see, but that was probably what you meant to talk to her about today.

“Let’s go!” he ordered, waiting impatiently. Adeline didn’t move, thinking her plan out of how to end this man. This horrible, sick man. Her hand stayed within her pocket, fingering the key in thought. Danny’s teeth ground together, his feet stomping up to the young girl.

“Was I not clear enough? I said let’s go-” when he raised his hand to hit her again, he left himself open. Adeline slid the key out of her pocket and dug it across his throat. At first, she thought she failed as no blood even shown. What gave it away was Danny’s mere expression of surprise. An uneven white slit on his neck turned dark red as it spotted with blood. Then, it poured. The red liquid ran down his chest, leaving the man choking on himself. Adeline slowly backed away, hoping he wouldn’t charge at her in a spur of the moment. Danny did no such thing, solely focused on the fact that his throat had been slit. The fact that he was going to die. Adeline didn’t know what else to do other than watch him struggle to breathe. His hands covered his throat for a moment and wiped at the blood, pulling them away again to see the bright red on his fingers.

“You... you cut me...” his voice was weak and shaky. Adeline didn’t reply. She backed away more, falling onto the ground as her legs fell numb from running. She kept backing away from him, trying to keep her distance.

“Adeline...” he was trying to make her feel like shit, and it was working. What had she done? She just killed the man she called her father and for what? Her mother? Herself? She didn’t even know the answer as he crawled forward. She moved backwards, keeping her distance from him. Danny fell to his knees before her, hand outstretched.

“Why would you... why would you do this?” he kept going as if he didn’t know. As if he hadn’t been the cause of so many sleepless night for both Adeline and yourself. How was he not dead yet? He had to die soon, this was too painful for her to watch. Danny balanced himself on his free hand while the other tried to hold his neck closed, stopping himself from bleeding out. Faster, he scrambled towards her. Adeline held no mercy in her leg as it surged outward, kicking him in the nose. He recoiled on the dirt. Crying. Danny had never cried before, in fact, it was always Adeline and you who cried because of him. Nonetheless, listening to the man sob, helpless and dying in the dust made Adeline nauseous. She couldn’t take this, she couldn’t just sit her and watch him bleed out. But she felt like she couldn’t leave him alone here either. Dying alone was her worst fear. The knowledge of murdering somebody and leaving them to nature made her wretch up her dinner. Doubling over, she puked to the sound of Danny’s final sobs.

Her hands trembled as she held the key in her hand. Why hadn’t he continued to fight her? He still had a chance and he just laid there, surprised by her courage to go so far as to slit his throat. Again, her stomach shoved food up and out of her esophagus, a horrid stench clouding her senses. Her shoulders shook as she lay there on the ground. She didn’t even hear the footsteps come up from behind her.

“Adeline?” a gentle male voice startled her, making her gag on her own vomit. She turned, her eyes meeting Chrollo’s. His brows we’re furrowed, worry obvious in his features.

“What happened?” he kneeled down to her, ignoring her mess underneath her and behind her, curled up in the dirt. Dead.

“I... I can’t-” and she threw up again. Chrollo’s hands worked themselves into her hair, pulling it back for her to keep it out of her face.

“You’re okay, I’m right here.” he shushed her gently, his free hand rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her shaking form. Another vile pool retched out of her mouth, hacking and dry heaving following suit.

Eventually, she managed to calm down. Adeline sat up and wiped her mouth with her jacket sleeve, quickly becoming disgusted with the action and discarding of the attire altogether. She wheezed against her sore throat, the tops of her lungs burning again like when she was running.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Chrollo didn’t even seem affected by the dead man right next to him, even taking a chance to glance at him. His eyes didn’t linger too long on Danny, obviously more worried about Adeline herself than anything. When his eyes met hers again, she couldn’t help but let those tears from before slip out and onto her bruised cheeks and chest. Chrollo didn’t push her any further, instead moving closer to her and embracing her. Every instinct told her to push him away, that she was a monster and that she didn’t deserve this kind of treatment, not after killing somebody. But her weakness didn’t allow her to fight back and she simply melted against Chrollo’s chest, sobbing and quaking. You always told Adeline that Chrollo was a sweet-tempered man, that he was always patient with you and with his friends. It seemed you had been right. He didn’t force Adeline to tell him anything, he didn’t shove her away or treat her unkindly. He knew she wasn’t a bad person and that she was in a state of distress. He had to of known that Adeline wouldn’t kill someone without having a reason. A good one at that.

“Now, Adeline,” he started, lifting her head up to look at him in the eyes. The same eyes as her own. Almost like staring back at her own reflection. It was strange, “I do want to hear about this, however we don’t have much time. We need to dispose of this immediately.” she could hear the urgency edging in his voice, but he still held a level of stability. Adeline nodded, pressing her hands into the dirt to push her body back upright. He followed her over to Danny and thought for a moment, hand on his chin.

“Okay, I’ll have someone take care of this here in a second. I’ll call him.” Chrollo was speaking more to himself than to Adeline, pulling out his phone and dialing a number before letting it ring. She didn’t hear the other end pick up, but it was apparently instant, as Chrollo began speaking to the other man. He gave him their location and the situation at hand, even mentioning his daughter.

At first, this confused Adeline. She wasn’t his daughter. She was Danny’s daughter... her brows furrowed and her arms crossed over her chest. What was he talking about? Sure they had the same eyes and the same hair, and even the same nose now that she really looked at him. You had never told her anything about Chrollo being your father.

“Alright, he’ll be here shortly-” he started after hanging up.

“You called me your daughter..?” she knew it was rude to cut him off, but she couldn’t help it. She felt like she needed to know, felt as if she had the right to know. Chrollo turned his attention her, setting his phone back into his pocket.

“Yes. I did. Y/n never told you?” even through the monotone sound Adeline swore she could hear the hint of pain there. You told her Chrollo didn’t feel much, but when he did they were pretty strong emotions.

“No...” it was the only word she could think of to respond with. At first, she didn’t know how to feel. She didn’t blame you or anything, understanding that she was young and you must not have wanted to confuse her. You may have even planned to tell her now. Then the reason behind Danny’s outrage hit her like a train.

She gasped out loud, her facial expression giving her away. Chrollo’s own features formed into a visual of worry.

“What? What’s wrong?” almost as if it was his instinct. That gave her even more evidence that he was truly her father. Danny never worried about her, but any slight movement drove Chrollo to panic.

“How long until that guy gets here?”

“Already behind you baby~” a deep voice sounded from behind her. Adeline turned around but was met with a stomach instead of a head. Craning her neck up, she found an exceptionally tall man with tan skin and fluffy grey hair. He smiled down at her.

“So this is Adeline boss?” he was addressing Chrollo, who nodded in response.

“Yes, she’s just finding this out as well. Adeline, meet Uvogin.” he explained. Uvogin made a face down at the both of them.

“Wait, you’re saying y/n never told you Chrollo was your daddy?” he kneeled down to her level, she could see his level of confusion even better now. She shook her head.

“Honestly, I suspected considering that my appearance is much like that of his own. Especially in the eyes and the nose,” she turned to face Chrollo who was also watching her, “and I looked nothing like Dan either.” she explained, finding herself being rather analytical. It wasn’t unlike her, as she grew she came to terms with the fact that she enjoyed learning and finding out new things. You always told her that she was intelligent. Uvogin laughed though, standing back up all the way.

“Damn boss she even sounds like you. It’s adorable. Anyway, where do you want me to put this thing? I assume this is Danny?” Uvogin wrapped his hand around the corpse’s waist, throwing it over his shoulder. The sight made Adeline sick and she doubled over again, nearly throwing up. Chrollo was at her side in an instant, holding on to her to make sure she didn’t fall.

“Sorry babe, I forgot you’re not used to that.” Uvogin turned his head away in apology. Adeline raised her hand to signal that he was fine but didn’t turn around for another minute or so, Chrollo soothing her the whole time. She felt dizzy when she met Uvogin’s eyes. The little names her called her were of some comfort, considering this must have been Chrollo’s–her father’s–friend. 

“Well, I’ll just take it with me so you two can have your moment or whatever. Tell her everything.” Uvogin sent a finger gun Chrollo’s way and sprinted off, leaving the Chrollo and Adeline alone. She was felt slightly perturbed by Uvogin’s absences, it was so quick.

And tell her everything is just what Chrollo did.

Chrollo told her about how he made you leave in an effort to keep you safe. He told her about his background, about the troupe, about you. About how much he missed you. About how badly he wanted to see Adeline born but he couldn’t because he was too far out. Adeline didn’t interrupt with anything, though she still had so many questions, but he kept going. He must have wanted to enforce as much trust in her as he could. It was working.

“I’m sorry for not being there and I’m even more apologetic for driving your mother away, it was for her safety...” his eyes never left hers.

“I understand, and mom does too. She was just upset.” Adeline accepted this apology even though she felt like he shouldn’t even be apologizing. It wasn’t his fault. He was just trying to protect you the best way he could think of. Chrollo let out a breath she didn’t know he was holding.

“Now, please, explain to me why you killed Danny?” there was no filter. It made Adeline’s stomach churn at the thought, the feeling of the house key tearing through his skin. She took a deep breath.

“I think mom was going to explain everything to me,” her voice had become shaky. She sat on the ground and curled into herself to gain some comfort as Chrollo followed, an arm draping over her shoulders and keeping her close, “and I think Danny somehow found out... and got upset about it. He liked when I called him ‘daddy’ almost in a like sexual way...” she tried to explain without crying but the word was almost triggering. She hated the way he’d make her use it. He become irrationally upset with her if she called him dad instead of daddy. It was disgusting...

“And I don’t know why... I think he... he just...” she was desperately trying to think of her next words. What could she say next? How should this all go? Chrollo was patient with her the whole time, never getting upset with her or scoffing. He just listened. She was so confused on everything that had just happened and the fact that it all happened so quickly.

“I don’t know, all I remember was that mom said she was going to talk to me and then I went in my room for like 5 minutes and then I heard her screaming,” she sniffled, not able to hold back her tears again. Her head fell into her knees for a few minutes before coming back up to take a deep breath, “and a loud bang against the-the counter. Dan was yelling at her about something, I can’t remember. So I went down to see her and make sure he didn’t hit her like I thought he did, but he did. Chrollo he hurt her...” Adeline was full on sobbing again, feeling another round of bile ease it’s way into her mouth. Chrollo’s grip on her tightened and he rocked her, letting one of his hands rub her arm. She laid her head on his shoulder and he rested his chin on her temple.

“Is she okay now?”

“I don’t know. She told me to just go and get help but instead I got upset and threw the pan she was cooking with at him. Obviously he got mad and started chasing me, so I tried to defend myself as best I could and-”

“It’s okay, I understand. It’s alright...” he continued his motions, keeping her at bay from breaking.

“Do you think you can take me to y/n?” Chrollo asked after Adeline had calmed down. She nodded, standing again.

“Yeah, I wanna make sure she’s okay after all of that. He didn’t get to hurt her too bad that I knew of.” she wiped the tears away with her hand, searching for her jacket somewhere. She found it next to a bush along with her bloody house key. Picking both items up she led Chrollo home, hoping to find you there, okay and at the very least, resting.

[wthzoe]

chapter 5 - don't let it bring you down

"but don't let it bring you down and turn your face into a frown"

series masterlist - here

previous | next

a/n: wrote this right after i posted chap 4 and it's already 4 am 😃 im still not sleepy rip. so as i said, ive been writing the whole night so i don't know if this chapter makes sense sksksks

-

Kuroo had a volleyball game coming up in two weeks which made him busy after school. He hadn’t been able to pick up the triplets from daycare and look after them. As for you, he only saw you in the mornings and briefly during classes as they had volleyball practice even during class hours. To say he misses you is an understatement. He even went as far as setting the picture he secretly took of you as his lock screen wallpaper so that you were the first thing he sees when he turns on his phone. He made sure to be careful as to not let a stranger who doesn’t know of your circumstances see it.

Akaashi approached Kuroo who was sitting on the floor with his head tilted back. The curly haired male handed him a bottle of water before sitting down next to the bed haired one.

“Bokuto and I could feel how much you miss (Y/N) from a mile away.” Akaashi bluntly stated.

“Really, now.” Kuroo replied, too tired and (Y/N)-deprived to think of a snarky reply. He chugged down the water Akaashi gave him and stood up to leave. “Well, I’m going first.”

“We’ll be going, too.”

With that, all three of them went back to their respective homes. Upon arriving home, Kuroo went straight into the bathroom to shower in able to go straight to bed. Stepping out of the shower topless while drying his hair off with a towel, he fishes his gym bag for his phone only to be met with anything other than the said device. He felt his heart race. Just when he had something to hide in there, he just had to lose his phone. He poured out the contents of his bag into his bed and he felt the fatigue in his body leave him.

Meanwhile back in the university, a student who had business in the gym saw a phone light up. She picks up the phone and turn it on to try to identify the owner. The lock screen was a photo of a woman carrying what seems like a two-year old baby. She takes a closer look and was finally able to identify that it was you.

Back home you were doing your homework when you hear a series of knocks on your door. Opening it, you were met with Kuroo looking quite jittery and pale. You furrow your brows before asking him what was wrong.

“I, uh. Can you do me a favor? My phone’s missing and I’m pretty sure the location’s on.”

“Oh, sure, sure. Come in. Do you want some water?”

“I’m fine but thanks anyway.”

The two of you work together to locate his phone and he was so relieved to find out that it was just in the university, most likely in the gym. Then he remembered what he had set as his lock screen a few days ago. He quickly thanked you then rushed to pick his phone up, silently praying that no one saw his wallpaper. He didn’t think that you’d be ashamed of your sons, but then you didn’t really seem like you intended to tell people you’re not close to seeing as people usually don’t have anything nice to say. He wanted to respect that decision of yours but because of him losing his phone you might have a hard time. When he got to the university his phone was at the lost and found which only means that someone had seen his lock screen. Fuck.

The next day rolled around and you were in Kuroo’s backseat with the triplets as usual. The two of you drop them off at the daycare and when you went back to his car, he seemed paler than before. He was also tapping the stirring wheel repeatedly, something he does when something is bothering him.

“Tetsu,” the way he flinched at the sound of your voice had you even more worried. “Are you okay?”

He debated whether he should tell you what he’d done. If by chance someone did see it and the news had spread, it’d be his fault and there was a big chance that this would be the last time you’d talk to him. However, he didn’t want to keep it from you and wait before you find out yourself. He sighed, here goes.

“Listen, (Y/N). I just want to say that I’m sorry in advance,” your brows furrowed, heart beating faster. “Why don’t you go grab my phone then turn it on.”

You do as he says, eyes widening at the candid photo of you and Masao. It was surprising, but you didn’t get what was making him so troubled.

“Remember when I left that behind at uni last night?” He glanced at you to check your reaction. Your expression remained confused. “I got it from the lost and found. So, that being said… it’s highly likely that someone saw that lock screen.”

It took you a few more seconds to get what he was saying and then, oh. Oh. You got it. There’s a big chance that at this very second, people would be talking about you and your sons. You didn’t know whether to laugh or what. It was like high school all over again. You were sure of one thing, though. You were scared. Scared of having to walk through the hallways with all eyes on you, hearing their whispers. The disgust and disappointment evident in the way they looked at you.

Your silence made Kuroo even more tense. He couldn’t read your expression from the little glances he’s taking as he drives. You carefully place his phone back where it was before speaking.

“Oh.” You reply shortly. Tears were starting to pool around your eyes and you were sure your voice would break if you speak. You didn’t want Kuroo to see you being weak and worry so you turn your head away from him. He took this as a sign that you were indeed mad at him, his heart broke thinking about how he ruined everything between the two of you.

When you arrived you quickly stepped out of the car and walked ahead. Usually, Kuroo would open the door for you then you’d walk together, but of course, today would be different. Maybe even the following days, weeks, months, years. Who knows? All Kuroo knew was that he fucked up and he’d driven you away from him.

You wiped away your tears before entering the building. Just as you’d suspected, almost everyone was looking at you weird and whispering amongst themselves. You were even able to hear one of the few things they said.

“I heard that the child looked like it was already at least two, that means…”

You clenched your fists and carried on. When you entered the classroom, you were surprised to see people sitting down in their respective seats quietly. Too quietly. You expected the classroom to be the place where there’d be more people talking about you. It still didn’t change the fact, however, that some others have their eyes on you.

“Mornin’, (Y/N)!” Bokuto greeted. You smiled back at him curtly. Akaashi was looking at you with worry but you didn’t notice as you immediately sink into your seat.

Classes dragged on longer than it used to and lunch became unbearable as you decided not to join your three friends. Instead, you lock yourself in a bathroom stall, head tilted back as you try to stop your tears from falling. You thought you’d be safe there but you were proved to be wrong when at least four girls entered, gossiping about ‘that freshie who already has a child.’

‘Please, let this day end already.’ You thought.

When the classes were finally over, you went straight home instead of at work, wanting nothing else but to wrap yourself in your blanket and cry yourself to sleep. You didn’t even realize that you haven’t picked up the triplets from the daycare when you’d fallen asleep.

Kuroo was staring at your number on his phone, debating whether to call you or give you space. When he was about to turn his phone off and shove it into his gym bag, he felt it vibrate. However, instead of your name popping up like he hoped, it was an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Ah, Sir Kuroo! I’m the triplets’ teacher. Ms. (Y/N) hasn’t come to pick the boys up. I know it’s only been twenty minutes but Ms. (Y/N) is never late unless she calls to say so. She wouldn’t answer her phone either. I was hoping you could check up on her.”

He felt his heart beating faster. “O-okay. I’ll pick the boys up on the way as well. Thank you for calling me.”

“Okay, I’ll have the boys ready. Have a safe drive, sir.”

The call ended and Kuroo slung his gym bag on his shoulder. He turned to Bokuto and Akaashi who were also taking a break from practice.

“Guys, I’m going ahead. The triplets’ teacher called, apparently they haven’t been picked up yet and (Y/N)’s not answering her phone. Cover for me.” He didn’t even wait for their response when he practically sprinted to his car.

When he picked up the boys, they were staring at him with a curious look on their faces. Kuroo wasn’t able to pay mind to it as he couldn’t stop thinking about you. After the three were safely seated in their car seats, they drove to where you worked but alas, you weren’t there. Your boss explained that you didn’t come in that day and that usually you’d call when you weren’t coming in. This didn’t make Kuroo feel any better at all. The only place he knows to check was your apartment.

Back at your apartment you’d just woken up, panicking when you saw that it’s already dark out. You tried to recall if you even picked up the boys. When you remembered that you didn’t, you sprung up. Muttering a string of ‘oh shit’s, you run out of your room. You were about to open the door when someone from the other side beat you to it. Kuroo was standing in front of you, hands on the triplets’ shared stroller. Without a word, you grab the stroller from him and slammed the door on him. You were 100% sure that there were clear traces of the breakdown you had earlier so in fear of having Kuroo see you in that state, you had no choice but to cold heartedly slam the door on him.

Once again, Kuroo Tetsurou’s heart broke.

[melancholy-journal]

Trigger warning ⚠️ death, death of pet, loss, gore ⚠️

TLDR; my cat died. I found her body. I cleaned up the blood. It hurts to think about— a lot. But I can’t talk to any one about it.

So three years ago today is a really difficult day for me and yet I feel almost numb. Three years ago today my wife (at the time fiancé) was really sick. In and out of hospitals and had actually just started living with her mom who has a masters in nursing because I couldn’t take care of her well enough myself, work full time, take care of the cats & take care of myself too. It was all too much.

So she went to go live with her mom.

Our cat Bella was sick too. We’d taken her to the Vet ER 5 or more times, she needed oxygen, multiple X-rays, medicines, IVs etc all very expensive. We spent thousands of dollars on her. I racked up thousands of dollars of debt because of it.

One night I went to see my fiancé, drove 3 hours to see her and spent a few days with her. I drove 3 hours back home. Usually the cats would be waiting at the door for me when I’d open it but that night I came home and only one of our cats greeted me and it hit me immediately, I fucking knew it in my gut. So I rounded the corner and there laid our cat Bella. Blood on her mouth. Blood on the carpet. Shit on the carpet too. I’d never dealt with something like this before. I called my fiancé and I blurted out the horrible news and she scream cried, I heard her sobbing and it broke my heart even more not being able to be there for her to help her. The next think I know her mom is on the phone with me asking me what had happened and I told her and she told me to take her body to the Vet ER and they’ll cremate her for us. I hung up. I picked up her body. Mostly stiff, some warmth still in her stomach so I think she’d only been there a few hours. She died on my way back to her. I laid her on a towel and covered her. Our other cat knew something was wrong she just stared at me the whole time. She tried to comfort me a little but I had no time for that. I had to clean up the blood and stuff. I scrubbed the carpet and I remember the soapy blood mixture clouding the cup I used. I took her to the ER they took her from me and took care of everything from there on out. My heart was shattered and it was agreed upon by my soon to be mother in law and I that I should come up immediately after. Bring our other cat and come back up. So I did. I packed a bunch of stuff because being in that apartment was just too hard, I packed up our other cat and drove 3 hours back to my fiancé. After hours of crying and talking we fell asleep on the floor together just holding each other. I never talk about that night. I don’t want to upset my wife going into detail about it but I think about how I found her a lot and it hurts me so much and I’ve just sat with this hurt for years because I don’t want to hurt her the way I’m hurting. Guys I miss my cat so fucking much. I can’t get the way I found her out of my head to this day and it breaks my heart. She deserved so much better and fuck those vets who said she was fine. Fuck the vets who didn’t do tests. Who said it was asthma. Who didn’t take it seriously. Fuck the vets who took my money but did NOTHING for my dying cat. We should’ve been told there was nothing else to do. We should’ve had the right information so we could’ve put her down PEACEFULLY. She shouldn’t of choked on her own blood as polyps burst in her lungs. I wish them all the worst. They didn’t care about her they cared about the money so I fucking hope they rot. She deserved better and they didn’t give us the opportunity to give her the best way out. I’m so angry and sad and I don’t know what else to do anymore other then to throw this out here into the void where I know no one will fucking read this. I just don’t know anymore guys. I’m just so fucking sad and angry. She deserved better. She deserved better. She shouldn’t have died that way. She deserved better.

04.15.21

[steebharringt0n]

snapshots of our lives | b.h x you

fears and worries disappear as you and billy hold your baby boy for the first time.

warnings: like one curse word? IT’S JUST PURE FLUFF GUYS.

words: 4k

a/n: ya gurl is baaaack with some extra fluff for the holidays. a certain drawing inspired this one ;) enjoy!

--- The low humming of the heart rate monitor machine quietly echoed in the small hospital room. It was 4 in the morning, three occupants currently sleeping as dawn began to break on the California coast. One was sleeping in a tiny bassinet, wrapped up tightly in a hospital blanket and a small blue cap on his head. 

The other person was resting blissfully on the large hospital bed, their body tired and achy from the past couple of hours, and the final person was curled up on the couch, his blonde curls splayed messily as dark stubble decorated his face. He was aching to sleep in a bed, the couch was too hard for his body, but yet with all the commotion happening within the last couple of hours, sleep was just an afterthought.

Until he finally passed out from exhaustion.

He had been too excited to sleep, too nervous. His life had just done a 180 on him about several hours ago and he didn’t want to miss a single moment of his newborn son’s life.

The epidural had already kicked in, your body was numb from the waist down. Your eyes were anxiously attached to the clock, waiting, counting down the hours till baby boy Hargrove would arrive.

“You’re doing it again” his voice brought you out of the reverie you were in.

You turned your head to face him, a slight smile on his lips as his eyes met yours. He was currently sprawled out on the couch, his legs outstretched. Your hand went to rub your swollen belly, it felt as if it was going to burst if you were pregnant any longer.

“Hmm, I have no idea what you’re talking about” you played it coy, but Billy could read your face from miles away. The perks of being together for almost 4 years.

“You’re watching the clock again”

“Can you blame me? I’m almost 10 centimeters and he’s been moving around like crazy” you grunted as you shifted around in the bed, trying to find a more comfortable position. You heard Billy move around on the couch, you then watched as he grabbed the chair in the corner and pulled it over to your bedside.

He rubbed his large hand over his face, he’d been awake for almost 24 hours, those long shifts at the auto shop were starting to get to him. Your water had broken just as you two were settling down for breakfast, Billy was about ready to head off to work when you felt warm liquid trickle down your legs. 

Your body instantly froze. You dropped your fork on the table, then proceeded to clutch your stomach, your eyes shut in pain as a contraction hit you.

Billy jumped out of the chair, racing over to your side. As soon as he saw the wet stains on your dress he instantly knew.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit. I thought he wasn’t supposed to come till next week?!” he shouted as he ran across the apartment, grabbing your overnight bag and the car seat which had yet to be properly placed in the Camaro.

You breathed heavily through your nose as you waited for another contraction to hit, “He’s a baby Billy not a package! He comes when he - fuck!”

You clenched your teeth together, your nails digging imprints on your palm as a contraction sharply hit you. Billy stopped his movements and jumped over to you, crouching down and taking your hands into his.

“Hey, hey, remember what the doc said, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth”

You swallowed thickly, nodding your head at his instructions and giving him a watery smile in return. You felt like crying, the overwhelming feeling of the situation suddenly made you feel breathless. There were no instructions when it came to babies, and after today you and Billy were on your own with this tiny person.

You inhaled sharply, you could feel your hands trembling and before you knew it there were tears streaming down your face. Billy reached up, letting go of your hands and gently cupping your face, his thumbs wiping away the tears that were staining your cheeks.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay” he gently consoled. If truth be told, he was just as terrified as you were, but he had to be the strong one in this situation, hell you’re about to have a baby and all he did was cum inside of you.

You shook your head, full on sobbing at this point, “No, no, it’s not okay. We’re barely 20 years old and we’re about to have a baby, and we have no idea what we’re doing and what if we suck at this? What if we're terrible parents and - “

Billy did what he does best to shut you up - he lifted his head up and pressed his lips against yours, kissing you with so much fervor that for a second you almost forgot that your water had just broke. When he pulled away, the look in his eyes was so intense that the fear of having this baby with him suddenly melted away.

“I love you Y/N, and this baby okay?”

He pressed his hand against your stomach, he could feel his son kicking around like crazy. He was more than ready to come out into the world.

“I’m fucking terrified too okay? Ever since the day you told me you were pregnant I - I keep thinking that I’m going to turn out like Neil, or that I’m going to fuck this kid up royally in some way or form.”

“Billy - “

“And I know what you’re going to say, that I’m not going to be like Neil. But when I have those thoughts, I - I just think about what an amazing mother you’re going to be, and how I know you’re going to help keep my ass in line. All my fears about being a dad disappear when I know you’re going to be by my side”

Billy’s emotional confession had you bawling, tears cascading down your face. Billy isn’t good with words, and his emotional outbursts were still a work in progress, but you needed him to be your lifeline right now as you were with him when he was struggling. He grabbed your hand and placed a soft kiss on your knuckles,

“We’re in this together okay?”

You sniffled, bobbing your head up and down, “Okay”

“And no matter what happens I’m going to be here okay?”

“Okay”

“And we need to get you to the hospital, like, now”

Another contraction knocked the wind out of you, your face twisted in agony as shock waves of pain coursed through your body. “Yeah, lets go”

9 hours later you were still sitting at 8 centimeters dilated. The nurses would come and go every 15 minutes to check up on you but with no change all you had to do at this point was play a waiting game. You had even gotten up and walked around the hospital hoping to speed things along, but your effort was fruitless.

Billy took your hand into his, he frowned at all the IVs attached to your wrist, but they were helping keep track of your vitals, and the baby’s. He gently laced his fingers with yours.

“Do you remember our first date?”

You giggled at the memory as your mind wandered back to junior year, “How could I forget? Your Camaro broke down on the way to Benny’s and we ended up making out in your car to Whitesnake’s ‘Is this Love’ until Hopper caught us and ended up towing your car. I’d say that’s a pretty unforgettable first date”

Billy laughed alongside you. Albeit at the time he was feeling embarrassed that he wasn’t able to treat out this cute girl who had been lending him pencils the whole year.

“Do you know what I realized that night?”

Your eyebrow quirked up, “What?”

“That whether I stayed in Hawkins, or moved back to California, that there was never going to be another girl like you”

You stayed quiet as he continued to speak. You could feel his palms get sweaty as he rubbed soft circles over your hand, “You are the only girl I know that could make light of out of my car breaking down. While I was getting angry, you were just laughing. You were happy.” he paused for a second, his blue eyes met yours, warm and inviting. “You didn’t care about fancy dinners or movies or my car breaking down, you just wanted to be with me”

You squeezed his hand, raising it up to your lips and pressing a soft kiss on his fingers. “And four years later, here we are” you smirked, gesturing to your pregnant belly.

A grin spread across his cheeks, “And here we are”

You continued to pepper kisses all over his hand as his eyes never left yours, “I love you Billy.”

He stood quiet as he tried to gather his thoughts. His emotions were at an all time high. You were his girl and you were about to give him the greatest gift he could ask for - a son. The love he felt for you at this moment was insurmountable. He clenched his jaw, trying his hardest not to cry in front of you, but as soon as he blinked, tears welded up. He inhaled shakily, a tiny smile on his face, “And I love you Y/N”

There was a sudden knock at your door. Billy quickly wiped away his tears, as your doctor walked into the room.

“Ms. Y/L/N, let’s hope this baby is ready to come out”

He reached down below to check how many centimeters you were coming along. 

“Is he ready doctor?” you questioned.

“Yep. I’d say you’re about fully effaced. This baby is ready to come out” 

You let out a sigh of relief, squeezing Billy’s hand. You could feel your heart hammering loudly in your chest. The both of you exchanged looks, Billy nodding at you as you held on tight to his hand.

“You may want to go easy on his hand, you may need that for later” The doctor added as he began to call in his nurses.

As soon as the nurses began to gather around your bed, everything started to move quickly.

“Alright Y/N, you’re going to feel a lot of pressure, but when I say push, I want you to push as hard as you can” The doctor ordered. You swallowed heavily, feeling scared and nervous all at once. 

You glanced up at Billy who was standing above you. Sensing all your nerves you placed a chaste kiss on your head, “You got this princess”

He gave your hand a gentle squeeze, and you began to push.

Everything in the world suddenly went mute, and all you could focus on was pushing this baby out of you. You clenched your eyes shut, your jaw locked in tight and you swore that you were bound to break Billy’s hand with how hard you were squeezing it. You let out a loud gasp as you stopped your pushing,

“Good job Y/N! His legs are out! Just one last giant push and you’ll finally be able to meet your baby boy” the doctor kept encouraging. 

Sweat began to drench your body, you looked absolutely exhausted, but to Billy you could have never looked any more beautiful. He leaned down into your ear, “You’re so close baby, he’s almost here”

“B-Billy, it hurts ... I’m so tired ... “ you whimpered to him.

“I know princess, but our baby is almost here. We finally get to meet him” he continued, pressing kisses on the side of your face. You nodded at his words of encouragement, feeling a newfound sense of energy. You clenched his hand once more and you pushed like you’ve never pushed before. You were wailing at the top of your lungs, Billy still chanting supportive words into your ear until you heard the most beautiful scream in the world.

“Here he is! Baby Hargrove!”

The doctor held him up to the light, his little arms flailing around, searching desperately for some warmth. You opened your eyes and a sob escaped your mouth as you watched the nurses quickly whisk him away to the weighing table behind them.

“Baby Hargrove is 7 pounds and 6 ounces. He has all 10 fingers and 10 toes!” the nurse happily exclaimed through his loud cries.

You released Billy’s hand, he leaned down towards you and slammed his lips onto yours - one that was filled with love and passion. As he pulled away, his eyes began to water with tears.

“You did so good, so so good, I’m so proud of you Y/N” he croaked, brushing away your hair from your face. You nodded at him, being unable to find any words to convey this moment.

The nurse then walked over with your baby boy, all bundled up in his blanket. She gently passed him over to you, “Congratulations, he’s a beautiful baby”

Your Y/E/C eyes were wide with wonderment as you stared down at this tiny person. Billy had an incredulous look on his face, he blinked back tears at the sight in front of him. The love of his life with his son. Your fingers gently wiped away his tiny blonde wisps of hair that you sure were going to match Billy’s curls.

“H-Hi little guy ... I’m your mom ...” you whispered to him. “this guy up here is your dad, he’s a little rough around the edges but he’s secretly a big softy” 

Billy choked out a laugh at your words, wiping away his tears as his gaze never left his son.

Your baby boy was still wailing when the nurse handed him over to you, but the instant he heard your voice, he began to settle down. His cries then turned into soft whimpers, you watched as he slowly opened his eyes, taking in his new surroundings. You let a soft chuckle,

“I was right” you commented out loud to Billy.

He raised an eyebrow, “About what?”

“His eyes. They’re just like yours”

You shifted soundlessly in your sleep, turning over so that you were facing the bassinet. With one eye cracked open, you propped yourself up on your arm, careening your neck towards the sleeping baby. You were desperate to hold him, to feel him in your arms. Feeling much more awake you reached in the bassinet and gently, carefully pulled him into your arms. For weighing about 7 pounds he was a heavy little baby. As you positioned him into your arms, you hissed quietly, forgetting that your body was still sore and tired.

Luckily by the time he was comfortably resting in your arms, he was still knocked out. You chuckled to yourself, a heavy sleeper like his father.

You stared at your son in complete awe, still not being able to believe that this little human was half you and half Billy. You had so much love for this tiny little being that you felt like your heart was going to explode.

Your finger traced the outline of his little face, starting with his wrinkly little forehead. Your finger then trailed down to his nose, which you weren’t sure if he had your nose or Billy’s, but one thing you knew for sure, is that he had Billy’s ocean blue eyes. 

Your finger finally stopped at his cheeks, which were adorably chubby and you wished for a second that he would stay this little forever. 

“Hey mama, you’re up”

You twisted your head to face a sleepy Billy, sitting up and stretching his arms. With a soft smile, you patted the empty space on the bed, “Come sit with us, daddy” You wiggled your eyebrows at the innuendo.

Billy laughed, “Ooh, that may need to stop”

He kicked off his shoes and climbed into the bed, wrapping his arm around you as you snuggled into his side. The morning was beginning to creep in, letting in sunlight into the hospital room. You glanced up and met Billy’s warm gaze, you swear in all of your years that the two of you had been together, you had never seen such a look of love, and adoration in his face. 

A soft coo suddenly broke your attention off of Billy. You glanced down into your arms and saw the baby shifting, his little face twisting into a frown.

“S-should we call a nurse?” Billy asked, there was hesitation laced in his tone.

“No, no, I got this”

You slipped down your hospital gown, just enough to expose your breast. Instinctively, the baby began to root towards you, his mouth found his way towards your nipple and he instantly latched. You winced in pain as you shifted around, resting your body onto Billy’s as the baby began to feed.

“Are you okay? I can go get a nurse” Billy quickly began to speak. Seeing you still in pain was concerning to him.

“No, Billy, I’m okay I promise. Everything is just really sore” you paused, brushing your finger down his cheek, “But look, he latched”

A warm smile spread onto Billy’s lips as he watched his son eagerly eat. “He has my appetite that’s for sure”

“We still need to give him a name” you remarked.

Billy studied his son, trying to think of a good name that would match him, “Jacob?” he offered.

You scrunched up your nose, “Nah. What about … Thomas?”

“No way, Tom Hargrove? Sounds like a used car salesman”

You laughed, “Fair enough”

The both of you then became quiet, gazes locked upon the hungry baby, your minds trying to come up with a good name. Then Billy quipped, “What about Adam?”

“Adam” you tried out the name for yourself, testing to see how it sounded like. “Adam William Hargrove?”

As soon as the name came out of your mouth, Adam pulled away from you, letting out a big yawn from his mouth, milk dribbling out of the corners of his mouth. His eyes carefully opened, curious blues shifting from you to Billy.

“I think he likes it” Billy quietly said.

“We’ll let the nurse know when she comes back in, she can add it to his birth certificate”

Billy hummed in agreement, his eyes still not leaving Adam’s as the fussy baby began to shift in your arms.

“Do you want to hold him? I think you may need to burp him” you noted, as you began to unwrap him from his blanket. He was dressed in a white onesie, his little legs and arms began to move around at the drastic temperature change. Billy gently took the crying baby from your arms,

“Shh, it’s okay Adam, dad’s got ya”

Billy carefully balanced Adam’s head in his one hand, and his small body with his other hand. Adam began to quiet down when he realized that he was in Billy’s arms.

With a wide smile on his lips, Billy looked over at you. His blue eyes shined with excitement, “Hey ... he stopped crying”

You rested your chin on Billy’s shoulder, watching as Billy cradled him close to his chest. “Hmm, he knows who his dad is. You did give that big speech to him on how Mötley Crüe is ten times better than Journey”

“And now he has superior music taste, just like his old man” he grinned, winking at you.

Throughout your pregnancy you encouraged Billy to speak to him. He at first thought it was stupid, speaking to a stomach sounded silly. But when you casually mentioned that the baby would start kicking whenever Billy’s voice was heard, he made it his mission to speak to him at least once a week. His head would rest on your belly, his hand splayed out, feeling the soft pitter-patters of his kicks against his palm. You would watch amusingly, brushing his long blonde curls out of his face as he spoke to his son.

You grabbed the white cloth from the small table, placing it on Billy’s shoulder. Billy then adjusted Adam, placing his head onto his shoulder,

“... Do I just pat his back?” he questioned.

You nodded, “Gently”

Billy’s large hand was about the size of Adam’s entire body, which intimated him. He felt so fragile in his arms, he was scared that a single pat on his back would hurt him. But as gentle as he could, his hand found a steady rhythm of pats against his back.

You grinned at Billy, “Look at you, you’re a natural”

The door to your hospital room swung open, and walked in Angela, the nurse who had helped you through your delivery. With a smirk on her face and her arms crossed, she watched as you and Billy figured out how to burp Adam.

“Well I see I’m not needed here much. Did he latch on okay?”

With a swift nod of the head you turned to face Angela, “He’s been doing great. We finally figured out on a name”

“Oh yeah?”

“Adam William Hargrove” you announced to her proudly.

Angela walked over to the white board where the nurses were keeping track of all your vitals. She took a dry erase marker and in large letters she wrote ‘WELCOME ADAM WILLIAM HARGROVE’

“There, now every one will know his name. I’ll be sure to add it to his birth certificate” she closed up the marker cap and walked out of your room.

You turned your attention back to Billy who was still gently patting Adam’s back. After a couple more pats, a small burp escaped out of Adam’s mouth who then proceeded to spit up milk all over the white washcloth. Billy stood frozen, waiting to feel his spit up dribble down his back but you swiftly grabbed the clean end of the washcloth and cleaned up the mess around his mouth,

“He puked didn’t he?” Billy asked uncertainly.  

You giggled, taking away the dirty washcloth from Billy’s shoulder and tossing it on the table. You watched as Adam then proceeded to snuggle onto Billy’s shoulder, nestling his tiny head in between the crook of his neck. Adam let out a whimper, followed by a soft coo as Billy rested his hand on his body. The warmth that radiated off of his hand helped keep Adam warm.

“He’s fine, he just had to show his big ol’ dad who’s running things round here”

You placed a kiss on Adam’s forehead as he settled in Billy’s arms. His little blue eyes started to slowly close as sleep started to take him back in.

“Is he back asleep?”

You hummed out a yes. Billy then carefully shifted his body, laying all the way down so that Adam was laying on his chest. He read that skin-to-skin contact is good for newborns, and he was lucky enough that his shirt was always half-way buttoned, so he took the opportunity to move him just to where his head was resting right above his heart.

You laid back down with your boys, watching them with pure affection. With Billy’s hand still placed on Adam’s back, you interlaced your fingers with Billy, so that the both of you had your hands on Adam’s back, feeling the steady beat of his chest rise and fall with each breath he took.

Within minutes both Billy and Adam were passed out. Your eyes were tired, your body was sore, and your mind was begging you to sleep, but you couldn’t tear your eyes off away from your two favorite boys. 

If heaven was a place on earth, you were sure that this was it. No other moment in your life could ever top this.

Any fears that you had about Adam were gone, had disappeared into thin air. You wanted to laugh at how nervous you were several hours ago at his arrival, but you knew that with Billy by your side that he wouldn’t let you face this alone.

It would be the three of you, now and forever, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[jj-lynn21]

Cozy Cove: Emotional Turmoil

Saved by an Angel , A side of tits with your pancakes ,Fires Burn Hot , spending the nights , Learning and Loving , The end is not always the end,   Axel Grease, Big Decisions, Sex and Jet Skis, Late night fun , Old Wounds , Storms pass, Dangerous Waters  Nursing the patient , Making it Work , Never Have I Ever   , The Masquerade ,  The Proposal, Emotional Turmoil, sneaking

tag: @dragsraksllib @super-pink-a-palouza @loomiz @waywardtigersandwich @shkaboodle​ @theskarsgardcult @babyboy-cody @bskarsgardlove92​ @bill-skarsgard-owns-my-ass @shenevertricks1831 @hornyhetero @taintedglass  @grandpa-sweaters​ @bskarsgardlove92​

Warnings: the title says it all, dash of fluff and angst

Axel shivered wrapping his arms around himself as he got off the plane in Ohio. He had not even thought of the temperature difference when he got on the plane in jeans in a thin black t-shirt. He bought  a I LOVE OHIO sweatshirt on his way to the rental car area. They had his car ready as soon as he showed his ID, insurance card and signed the paperwork.  

He was glad the black Infinity QX80 SUV had a GPS and the heater warmed the vehicle up quickly. It was 3am by the time he got to the hospital. Axel did not think they would let him see her this late so stopped for a quick restroom break before heading to the ICU. Her parents were in the waiting room.  

“Axel.” Her Mother whispered to him as he came around the corner. “She is just getting settled. The receptionist said we could see her for a few minutes, tonight. I can’t believe you flew all the way here tonight.”

“I love your Daughter so of course I did.” Axel muttered.  

Her Father smiled. “Good man. Do you have a place to stay tonight?”

“I was just going to crash here until they let me see her again in the morning.” He covered his mouth as he yawned.  

“None sense.” Mr. Quinby told him. “You are staying with us tonight. You could use some sleep, so Susie doesn’t reprimand us for treating you poorly.”

Axel chuckled. The night clerk looked at him sternly and pointed to the quiet sign. He mouthed he was sorry. A nurse came out. She walked over to Susie’s parents motioning for them to follow her. Axel went along. Susie was hooked up to an automatic blood pressure cuff, heart monitor and had IV fluids hanging.  

“You can only stay a few minutes.” The nurse glared at Axel. “Who is he?”

“I’m her boyfriend.” Axel didn’t move his eyes from looking at his sleeping angel hooked up to all her medical needs.

“You should wait outside.” She said gently as not to provoke the obvious, to her, hoodlum

“No, he should be here for her.” Her Mother reprimanded softly. “Is she doing alright now?”

“Your daughter will be taken to a regular room in the morning.” The nurse informed them. “She will be released in the afternoon. Her toxicology report showed a blood alcohol level well below the legal limit. There was Fentanyl in her system that could have caused her to pass out. Somebody,” she looked to Axel. “must have slipped it in her drink. The police will be asking her about it tomorrow.”

“I think I talked to the guy who did it.” Axel smirked. “This really creepy blond guy was trying to get her back in the party while she was video chatting me. I scared him off. I would definitely recognize him if I saw him.”

“I see.” The nurse smirked. “So, you were not with her all night?”

“I was in California.” Axel was trying to keep his composure even though this nurse seemed to be trying to blame him for drugging Susie.  

Susie’s Mother put her hand on his should. Her Father told the nurse to let their family have the room for the few minutes they were allowed.  

“I’m sorry that nurse was rude to you Axel.” Mr. Quinnby shook his head. “People can’t see beyond their own fears sometimes.”

“I would never hurt her.” Axel gritted his teeth as he sat by the bed to hold her hand.

“You take a minute alone with her.” Mrs. Quinnby suggested. “We will be right outside the door.”

“And I will talk to that nurse’s boss.” Mr. Quinnby opened the door to lead his wife out.

Axel kissed Susie’s knuckles as she laid there sleeping. Susie’s lips were dry and flaky. He kissed them anyway before he got up to leave. A good night's sleep would be a good idea. He was starting to crash from the adrenaline that pushed through his system just a few hours ago.  

“Axel?” Her eyes fluttered focusing on the unbelievable sight. “Is it really you?”

Axel rushed back to her side. “Yeah, I’m here for you, Babygirl. Your Mother and Father are right outside. They are making us leave soon.”

“drink.” She murmured hoarsely.

He poured her a glass of water and held the straw to her lips. “Here, just little sips. I’m not sure how you will handle it since they pumped your stomach.”

She took a small sip and her stomach retched. “Maybe ice on my lips. I’m tired.”

Axel lightly brush ice over her lips. “Go to sleep. We will be back as soon as they let us in in the morning.”

The nurse opened the door and more politely said, “I’m sorry Sir...”

Axel stood. “I’m leaving peacefully Nurse Rachet.  She woke for a minute for a drink. I think a sip made her feel sick.”

“That is to be expected.” The nurse replied. “She just needs some rest. And I am sorry I insinuated you had anything to do with this. It was unprofessional and wrong.”

Axel just nodded. He was used to people thinking he was the bad guy because of his tattoos. His neck tattoo only showed the first two words in the sweatshirt, but it was enough to get subjected to instant criticism. Susie’s parent put their arms around him when he came out. Maybe it was his exhaustion or worry for Susie, but he just broke down crying there.  

Susie’s Father drives Axel’s rental while her Mother cared for him as she drove home. “Susie will be fine now Axel. I think you just need some rest.”

“Yeah,” is all Axel managed embarrassed by his emotional outburst. He was still sniffling and holding a tissue to dab his eyes as he looked out into the early morning before the sun was even ready to rise.

They set Axel up in the guest bedroom. Her Mother made him some calming tea. He was laid out cold before he finished it.

The Quinnby’s didn’t wake Axel when they started their day. Mr. Quinnby went for a morning walk as his wife got to work on a huge stake of pancakes, sausage and hash browns. A large pot of coffee was brewing also. As soon as Axel smelled all the goodness he sat up. He was a little disoriented for a moment. Then remembered it all and jumped out of the bed to shower and get back to his girl’s bedside.  

Mrs. Quinnby heard his feet on the wooden surface that only had a runner rug to pad his steps. She waited a few moments for him to get in the shower before knocking. She inched the door a hair open so he could hear her. “I hope you slept well Axel. Breakfast will be ready shortly. Fresh cloths are on top of the dresser. They should get you by for today.”

“Thank you, Sandra.” Axel mumble as he was letting the water beat down on his neck. “I’ll just take coffee to go. I want to be there when Susie wakes.”

“We all do, but first a hearty breakfast.” Her voice was insistent. “We can’t get in to see her for another two hours. You can eat with us.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Axel sighed.  

She closed the door. Axel was tense. He felt bad about flaking on his brother and leaving his workplace to someone for at least two days without much notice. But he would have been going nuts not seeing Susie was okay himself.  

Axel is surprised yet grateful for the huge meal Mrs. Quinnby had ready when he walked out to the kitchen. He sat and she slid a cup of coffee his way. “We have several different flavors of creamer and sugar if you need it Axel.”  

She smiled kindly like he always thought a Mother should. She was so different than the Mother he had for a time in his life. The maid always made him cereal or sometimes eggs. Nothing like the feast that was laid out in front of him.  “I just take sugar. You didn’t have to go to all this trouble to make a huge breakfast just because I am here.”

“Don’t be silly.” She chuckled. “This is normal for us. I just usually make slightly less. It was no big deal. The pancakes are not even as good as you are used to, I am sorry to say.”

He poured syrup over them and took a bite. They were missing a little something, but they were light and fluffy. “Good, thanks.”

Mr. Quinnby came in and kissed his wife on the cheek squeezing her around the waste as he whispered something that made her laugh. He sat across from Axel. “Good morning young man. How did you sleep.”

“I slept good enough, Richard.” Axel cut a piece of sausage with his fork and stabbed at the hash browns to. “Thanks for the hospitality.”

“You’re welcome.” He took a sip of the coffee his wife put down for him. “Thank you for breakfast sweetheart. So as soon as we eat, and I shower we will go check on Susie. Sound like a plan?”

“Yes, Sir.” Axel continued to devour his food. Susie’s Mother filled his plate again as her Father went to shower. “Thank you. I hope I am not eating more than my share.”

“don’t be silly.” She was smiling at him like nothing made her happier than to make sure he was full. “It would just go to waste if you didn’t eat it Axel.”

Axel’s mind was blown. This was a different world. With a Mother that seemed to care. Even care for him when he was not her kin at all. He thought this was the way it should be. The way a Mother should act. The way Susie was going to treat their children someday.

It fucking blew his mind even more something like that even crossed his mind. Even though he loved her, there was no guarantee she would want to come back to him when her education was over. He pushed that out of his mind as he finished a second cup of coffee and second plate of breakfast.  

They arrived at the hospital minutes before visiting hours. The desk clerk in the waiting area was just sitting down when Axel went up for the group to ask if they could see Susie. The clerk got up and went to check with the nurse.  

“Miss Quinnby is just getting ready to move to Eight East.” The clerk told the family. “If you take the elevator up to the eighth floor, take a right, she will be in room 805 shortly. I would check with the desk to make sure. Sometimes room assignments change.”

“Thank you.” They said in unison. They walked to catch the elevator.

“She must be doing well this morning to movie to a regular floor.” Her Mother felt some relief.

“Yeah.” Axel mumbled in the elevator.  

“That is a really good sign.” He patted Axel on the back. “No worries, Axel. She is alright.”  

Susie was being rolled in a wheelchair into her room as they made their way down the hall of Eight East. They stood outside a moment for her to get settled in the bed. Axel let her parents go in first.  

Susie looked up with a smile. “Hi guys, sorry I worried you. I...” She saw Axel when he stood up straight behind her parents. “Axel? I thought I dreamed you were here last night.”

“It’s no dream Susie Q.” Axel smiled with relief.  

“We are glad you are feeling better Susie.” Her Dad stood behind his wife who sat in the chair beside her bed.

Her Mother took a deep breath, “What were you doing at a party like that anyone? Not one of your friends had each other’s back. Those are not good friends. I don’t think...”

“Please, Mom stop.” Susie looked away from everyone. “I get it. I fucked up. I made the decision to go out. The decisions leading up to this moment were on me not on my friends. Of course, I could have stayed home but I chose not to. The bad decisions are done now. Don't blame my friends.”  

“I’m just glad you got on the phone with someone that helped you.” Her Dad added. “It could have been much worse. Do you need anything?”

“I think I will be going back to the dorm this afternoon.” Susie sighed as she looked back at her parents. “Thanks Dad.”  

“Let’s leave the kids to talk sweetheart.” He squeezed his wife’s shoulders.

She got up. “Just be more careful Susie. That is all we ask.”

Susie just nodded.  

Her parents left and Axel sat beside the bed. “I would have come without the hospital stay. You just had to ask, Babygirl.”

Susie smirked. “And here I thought getting myself into a dangerous situation was the only thing that would get your attention.”

They stared at each other for a minute. Then broke out into laughter.