#ive seen a little bit of the process of making these before and its fascinating

[corvidsofthedeep]

No Context Crow #234: Rubber Stamp Crow

From Dragonflybuzz on Etsy!

[dex-xe]

Ghosts S03E01 - The Bone Plot

(I watched the entire series 3 in one night so here’s a running commentary of my thoughts. Likes/dislikes, bits I screamed/laughed/cried, details I noticed. Basically just a thought train from yours truly :P not that anyone’s interested - mostly just for my own analysis this

BUT Please come hit up my inbox with responses to episodes etc, I’ve had a few already that I’m in the process of answering so yeah lets chat :D)

Opening with Humphrey backstory is a bold move especially if people are just catching it and haven’t seen the show before

Oooohhhhhh documentary!!

Ahhhhhh, soooooo Humphrey wasn’t assassinated, he planned an assassination fascinating

Why does Robin not remember?? Just cause it was a long time ago??

The Captain has laughed before, right?? I’m sure I’ve seen him laugh before??

Thomas it’s not you XD

BOOOOONNNNNEEEEEE

How did they not know it was Humphrey?? She’s dressed like a fucking Tudor - absolutely no critical thinking skills at Button House. They share one braincell and the ghost pigeon has flown away with it again…

All this before the opening titles, this is gonna be a long post!!

I like that Alison starts stuttering simply at the thought of being on camera, nice set up for her anxiety about it

Robin senses the moon?? Oooohhhhh - and a Macbeth reference!!

Of course he senses Barclay arriving!!

The others calling Humphrey like a dog is so funny

Omg are we gonna get Cap/Fanny solidarity this season??? I just want them to be like a sibling relationship!!

(Pronoun correction - well done Kitty)

Did Humphrey used to paint?? Cause why else would he assume he was famous for being a painter if he wasn’t an artist in life????

Mary is a death gatekeeper, I adore that!!

Can we talk about how similar this scene is to one I wrote literally ages ago in the Ghosts Christmas story on AO3???? Like Humphrey trying to speak broken French like just how I wrote it and his wife hating English, it’s literally over dinner (well breakfast) as well?? I have the foresight of a medium apparently but only in very specific fan fiction scenarios!!

Omg live Humphrey is so cute wtf?? Why do I have a crush on him, or is it gender envy?????? Gender envy from a headless Tudor????

Poor Humphrey, all he wants is a nice wife!!

Pat stop ruining the moment!!

Oh God no?? If Barclay dies at Button House will he be stuck there???? Ah thanks for confirming that for me, Julian. Get that bitch off the property!!

Obi content, Obi content, Obi content!! My guy.

Okay but why does Fanny calling Pat out on his racist joke feel so rewarding to me??

A nun, a gorilla, and a WHAT, Patrick???? Pat making a pedo joke, did not have that on my season 3 bingo card????

Humphrey is so good to his wife, he’s making such an effort even though she’s really not making much effort back. It must have been so difficult for them both though seriously

She speaks English???

What’s happening?? OOOOhhhh they’re gonna kill Queen Elizabeth and put I’m assuming Mary Queen of Scots on the throne?? Cause they’re Catholics right so Mary QoS would make sense like the Babington Plot right??

Sophie defending her husband you love to see it.

Did Julian have a heart attack?? He says he knows the sign and that squash will do it.

It must be so weird for Charlotte and obviously especially Kiell as well to just talk to the air??

"LIKE POSH BATMAN" XD XD

"Bonne see you all!!" Humphrey I adore you so much!!

No don’t discover the plot?? Is he killed cause he found out about it??

“Arms at our sides, we’re not a seagull.”

Did Kitty die of a disease of some kind?? She really didn’t like the idea of laughter being contagious??

Ah so that’s why they were all laughing apart from Cap and Fanny.

Oh God Humphrey no??

“This isn’t the life you signed up for - go have another one” Catch me CRYING??? Humphrey you are so sweet wtf??? Don’t sacrifice yourself though, it ain’t worth it??

THE SALUTE

Humphrey and Robin solidarity

Wait?? He wasn’t executed right there?? So the documentary is wrong?? Does he die in a sword fight?? Nope he can’t get the swords down. What’s happening??

(I love the arguing between the guards thats so good XD)

The chimney - genius move!! (his legs O.O nice legs)

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH BITCH I SCREAMED, THE FUCKING SWORDS THATS SO FUNNY HOLY SHIT???? I LOVE THAT SO MUCH OMG, THATS SUCH A GOOD TWIST!! OMG

The body?? Holy shit thats so good omg

ROBIN TUDOR ERA ROBIN finding Humphrey awwwwwww

“Ummmm - they’re all at it” the sass Thomas I love it!!

Ngl I kinda want the Button House jumper?? It looks so comfy!!

Ooooooohhhh Julian thinks Barclay’s dead that’s so clever - bitch is on the verge of death though

Ahhhhh its the shirt, so bitch isn’t gonna die what a prick.

Alison don’t kiss the tag it’s been on the sweaty chest of a land owning Tory all day - you’ll catch every disease under the sun from that.

Thomas leave her alone

Yesssss Alison standing up to him finally!!

*whispers* “Damn your eyes” that is literally the sweetest thing O.o

I want this scene tattooed on me forever, Thomas’ little smile when she stands up to him!!

ALISON PARENTAL BACKSTORY THIS IS ALL IVE WANTED!! We got it right though, lost both parents.

“Like having family all around me” <3 <3 <3 Oh fuck leave her alone

FAMILY PHOTO O.O O.O That’s so sweet

BUTT HO BUTT HO BUTT HO BUTT HO (Cap… calm yourself)

Julian’s cameo XD XD XD That’s brilliant!!! And Pat asking for an autograph

THAT WAS SO GOOOODDDDDDD

AS YOU CAN SEE MY USE OF CAPS HAS INCREASED THOUGH THE EPISODE CAUSE HOLY SHIT AMAZING

BRO I LOVED THAT SO MUCH???? THIS SEASON IS GONNA BE INCREDIBLE OMG

100/10 PRIMARILY FOR HUMPHREY CONTENT AND ALSO ALISON BACKSTORY

[marigoldsandbuttercups]

Sup! I have an ask! :3

So, I'm currently going to go into a minor surgery soon, and I was wondering how the Skele's would react to a S/O who has a history of surgeries? Some minor and some major ones for most of their life. They're used to them, but it's always nerve wracking, especially when it comes to IVs and being put under to sleep XD

Sup, I've got ur answer gsshjsjsks (and good luck for your surgery!! ❤✨) (I also decided to add in some things with surgery scars so yeah, hope you don't mind)

An S/O That Has A History Of Surgeries

Sans: He isn't going to lie, he finds the human body to be rather fascinating to withhold so many things. He doesn't say much as he traces his fingers across your surgery scars, his touch as light as a feather. But he does admire you for all that you've had to go through, knowing that the pain of it is something he could never handle. Though, he gets why you are still freaked out about being put under sleep and IVs, he would make sure to keep you calm the entire time if you were to go for surgery again.

Papyrus: He thinks it shows just how strong you are! He makes sure to never press down on any of your scars as he doesn't quite get the human body, but he does know that they are rather fragile... Well, in some way, at least. This doesn't really show you that you're are fragile, not in the least bit, and he does tell you that. He's aware that surgeries are quite painful and to hear what an extensive background you have on it makes him respect you even more, makes sure to be an absolute distraction when it comes to the part of being put under sleep again.

Blue: He thinks it shows just how strong you truly are. He knows for a fact that he could never handle such things, hell, he's terrified of hospitals. It is such an interesting concept to him, as he has never really seen scars that formed like that (besides Swap Alphys). He asks if they hurt, knowing that they most like do, but to what extent exactly? Pain varies and he does think it's admirable that you've gone through so much. You thought it was scary? He's absolutely spooked now.

Stretch: He isn't going to lie, he gets worried for you. His face may look casual as he looks over your past surgery scars and the more recent ones. How they form so differently and the colours that they appear in, it's all so new to him and while he wants to know more, he is concerned for you, wondering if it's taking a toll on your health. He learns that some scars don't hurt but some do. He whispers that he thinks you're really strong, you could give Alphys a run for her money, all with a dumb grin on his face.

Red: Scars aren't foreign to him, he knows what they're like. I mean, his brother has it, too. But he's never really seen it on humans before. He's silent as he looks over your scars, unable to really form words when he sees how different they are from the scars he's seen on monsters. But that doesn't make him think any less or anything, oh no, he thinks it's super fucking badass and will tell you so.

Edge: Oh he knows the pain of it, the healing process and whatnot, as he has scars himself. But the difference between you guys is that he's never had a surgery before, he was healed with magic. He gets rather unnerved when he hears about the concept of surgeries for the first time, the fact that they would have to actually cut your skin and so on. It freaks him out for a good moment but you have to remember, he has never known of such things. But after a while, he respects you greatly for going through such an ordeal, knowing its anything but easy. Then hearing about the sleeping part with the IVs... Yeah.. Good luck getting him out of the doctors room when that happens.

Black: He too, has scars, but like Edge, he has never had surgeries. Surprisingly, he's not as freaked out as Edge was. No, he's rather calm when it comes to talking about it, as he views the difference in your scars and his. He will say it straight up, that while the process of surgeries is a little unnerving, he has found new respect for what you've gone through, knowing that not many people can handle such things.

Rus: He seems calm, and he is. But a part of him is just full of anxiousness and the need to look over you to make sure that you're fine, especially when he hears about how surgeries are done. But after a while of reassuring him that you're calm, he does gain his senses back and low-key kicks himself for freaking out about it. He does think it's super badass that you are still going about it like nothing, owning your scars. He'll be your biggest cheerleader.

Wine: Again, he too, has scars. But unlike the other two, instead of being freaked out, he's rather fascinated by it. He compares the difference between your scars with his, a tender smile on his face as he compliments you, saying that no one else can be like you. Like Rus, he thinks that those scars signifies that you've survived even the hardest challenges and he makes sure you know that no matter what.

Coffee: Considering where he's from, he's not really unnerved by it. His incredibly calm as he looks at your scars, finding it admirable that you've gone through hell and back and you're still going strong. He knows how painful those scars can be at first, how even moving is just the hardest thing, he's had to help his brother through it when he lost sight in his right socket.

Thistle: Now, when he first saw those scars, he got incredibly worried, thinking that someone had hurt you. They've had to deal with humans in their underground, but they've never seen scars like that, and most of the time they never survive. But after learning about surgeries and what they do, he understands now. And although he's concerned, he does think you're very strong to go through such things, knowing its anything but easy.

Chestnut: Like Thistle, he gets incredibly worried but he does wait to listen to you. When he hears about surgery, it does scare him, the thought of seeing such things does bring up a bit of a sour taste. He sees how all your scars are so different, varying in shapes and colours. It does scare him a bit, causing him to treat you as though you're glass for a few days until you tell him that's it's perfectly fine and that you're okay. Like everyone else, he finds it very respectable that you've dealt with so much pain for so long but look at you, you're still here, strong as ever.

[madisonrooney]

hi it's your secret santa! first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i hope you have a wonderful day! how are you celebrating, if you are at all? safely, i hope! either way i hope you manage to find a way to have a great day full of love!! consider my christmas gift a belated birthday gift as well lol. anyway i loved reading your last answer, it was so thoughtful and sweet. i realized after reading that i barely know anything about dove lol so follow up q: what about dove makes you love her so much?

sorry for the late response! the last couple days have been v busy and ive been super tired and dissociative on top of it so i made a point to save this bc i wanted to give it my full attention!

first of all thank you!! i was going to do a virtual meet and greet with one of my favs from jersey boys but he got confused about timezones so we rescheduled but were doing it next week! then i went to a virtual walt disney family museum panel, had pizza for dinner and watched some liv and maddie, my mom made a cookie cake that we ate while watching the grinch musical, and then some friends and i watched the jersey boys movie together over skype!

im so glad you enjoyed reading my last answer! and oof thats another loaded question (i love it tho)

- like i said when first talking about what drew me to her and liv and maddie, a big thing is just how much passion and love she puts into her characters. ofc she puts passion into every character she plays, but its the passion she puts into characters like liv, maddie, and mal that means the most to me. that goes back to the fact that ive dealt with a lot of negativity directed towards me for enjoying disney channel, and then you have dove out here saying “yah im a teenager/twenty-something who not only respects what theyre doing on disney channel, but puts my all into it” not to mention she even won an emmy for playing liv and maddie in season 4! i hope that passion and talent has started to change the conversation about disney channel, and tbh i think it has at least a bit.  ofc, none of this is to say other people her age acting on disney channel arent talented and passionate, but idk, something about her has always stood out to me. i find her to be more animated and expressive than most. it can be hard for me to read emotions in live action movies and shows, so thats been really important for me. not to mention she was not only playing the lead but TWO lead characters on a four season show with distinct personalities but also subtle similarities. AND the main character in the biggest DCOM franchise in years for 5 years running now. PLUS the fact that there was a period where those were both happening at the same time. she was only 16 when she started all this and hadnt even had any big roles prior to it!! she had a lot of responsibility so it was amazing to see her not only pull it off, but excel at it.

- i just love like....her aesthetic?? shes always seemed to be a very old soul to me, into old jazz music and poetry and stuff like that. its just very charming. and for her to have that aesthetic on top of being a disney channel actress is a fascinating juxtaposition.

- this is kind of sappy and it gets tiring to hear it said over and over again but that doesnt mean it isnt true: i love how transparent she is about her struggles with mental health issues, trauma, and such. she has been for a long time but even more so over the last year or two. no shade to anyone else, but a lot of actors dont really give you a look into their personal lives, they just share and promote their product. im not saying theres anything wrong with that, its good to know what youre comfortable sharing, ive just felt all the more close to her with her being as open as she is, especially as someone who has gone through trauma myself, albeit different from hers.

- kind of connected to that, i love how important spreading kindness, positivity, and love is to her. thats another thing thats been said a million times but still, its very important to me.

for example. she’ll randomly tweet things like “i love you” a lot. im one to always think of the thought process that goes on behind whatever someone posts, texts, etc., bc personally i put a lot of a thought into pretty much anything i say or do before i put it out there publicly, probably bc of my social anxiety. even tho its a simple statement and takes her a couple seconds to post, she still had to have the thought “i want to remind my fans that theyre loved” or something along those lines. and she has this thought FREQUENTLY. to just randomly get a notification every few days or weeks or so of her saying something like that is just very heartwarming to me.

the reason i connected with miley so much when she helped me through my initial trauma was bc it felt like even if no one loved me, she loves her fans, thus she loves me. thus the person i love and admire the most loves me. even if its only one person, it can be enough. it was for me at the time. i feel that same way with dove. when she came into my life, i didn’t feel as unloved, but her love was still helpful to me.

- of course i need to specifically talk about her kindness in person too. dont get me wrong (ive been saying that a lot havent i lol), i totally and completely loved her long before i met her, but naturally, i love her 10x more after the experiences ive had getting to know her in person.

i could go ONNNNNNN about the experiences ive had with her, and i have lol, and if you already heard me ramble about this in the server i apologize, but the most important thing ive taken away from every encounter ive had with her is this: she always goes the extra mile. she always goes out of her way to make people feel special. what i mean by that is she could say/do HALF as much as she has when meeting me and i would still leave over the moon feeling loved. you can tell she does this in excess bc she really truly means it and cares about people like me, she doesnt have any kind of ulterior motive and isnt just going through the motions doing whats asked of her, she simply cares about me and the rest of her fans. some examples - the first time we met, i was sobbing (lol) and she hugged me for a really long time, rocking me back and forth, brushing my hair with her thumb, calling me sweetheart and honey. she even started to tear up a bit herself. - a couple months later, i went to my first liv and maddie taping. i was preparing to reintroduce myself (i looked a little different bc id been cosplaying as maddie the first time i met her) and ofc when preparing myself, i fantasized pretty heavily as i usually do and pictured myself showing her the pic of us on my phone, her gasping, jumping out of her chair screaming, and hugging me, thinking that was probably way more than i was gonna get. that is EXACTLY what happened. then she went on to tell me how my costume made her whole weekend. things like this would continue to happen where i would set the bar impossibly high and not only would she meet it but she’d exceed it. - our usual interaction from there on would start with her face lighting up when she saw me, her calling me some kind of cute name like love or baby, and then hugging me without me even having to initiate it. - when i saw her in mamma mia, i didnt know when id be seeing her again afterwards after pretty consistently getting to see her for 2 years, so i wanted to make sure we got some kind of closure. at the stage door, i reminded her how much she meant to me and just expected like an “aww i love you too” or something back, but she said “you are an angel in my life” and i will never forget that. obvs, i havent told her ALL the details about what she and her characters mean to me but like...she can tell. she can tell if im in a homemade maddie costume sobbing into her arms that theres something there, and shes VERY appreciative of that. - i thankfully got to see her at a meet and greet a few months later and every time i thought i should get going cuz i didnt want to hold the line up, she would just open her arms for another hug. speaking of being appreciative, she even said “thank you for being such a supportive fan.” as i left, i turned around to say one last goodbye. i made sure she wasnt with the next fan yet and yelled out “bye!” and she yelled back “I LOVE YOU!!” and blew me a kiss. again, its the little things. - i saw her at a small panel in new york a few months after that. she walked in the room when the lights were down as they were playing a clip, she quietly waved hi to everyone, then saw me and loudly whispered HI BABY!!! and stopped on her way to the stage to give me a hug. (then she looked at me from the stage and asked which way i thought she should cross her legs for the interview lol) - sometimes when she sees im next in line, shell give me a knowing smile or whisper “hi baby!!” or something like that. she saw me in the crowd after clueless and seemed to make a point to come to me last bc she knew wed be talking for a while, which we did. she even told me she’d seen me in the audience, asking if i was in the front on the left, which i was.

even all that is still just scratching the surface. weve “known” each other for 5 years now and every time i think she’s done the most she can do, she outdoes herself again. not to mention when im at these events, i see her treat all the fans she meets with all of that kindness too. naturally all of this has made me love her all the more.

- finally, lets just be honest here..........................shes REALLY fucking hot.

[gffa]

You have great taste, so I was wondering if you have any fic recs for the OT trilogy? Specifically with Vader? Your recs are the reason that I no longer eat or sleep and exist entirely of off Ao3.

Thank you, that’s very sweet of you!  I’m glad to help with the “I should be sleeping but who am I if I’m not staying up way too late to read just twenty more chapters before finally collapsing into unconsciousness, like, WHO AM I AS A PERSON if I’m not doing that?” because I don’t want to be the only one!So, here, HAVE SOME VADER FEELINGS.  And some occasional post-Vader feelings, but that were meant to take place near the end of the OT.  This is specifically for Vader fics, but if you want other OT-era stuff, like with Luke and Leia, just let me know.  ♥VADER & LEIA FIC:✦ Just a Little Bit of History Repeating by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & leia, 3.7k    “I’m in charge of security, Your Highness,” Vader said, haughty and automatic, and had to shove away a sudden onslaught of memories. It was this building, he thought, and the presence of a small brunette senator with a smart mouth. That was all.✦ Father’s Heart by FernWithy, anakin & leia & ocs, 38.8k   During Princess Leia’s teenage years, she discovers a friend in an unlikely – and disturbing – person: Lord Vader. ✦ Leave Me, Oh Love by AceQueenKing, han/leia + anakin & leia, 3.2k    “No offense,” she said, “but I’m not in the mood to deal with you right now.” “Leia-” Vader said, but she held up her hand. “Of all the dead people in my life, you really are the one I least want to see right now.” ✦ The Tyranny of Kinship by amarielah, anakin & leia & luke & han & obi-wan & rex & ahsoka & cast, 23.6k wip    The presence of an Alliance mole aboard the Death Star leads to Bail Organa learning quickly of his daughter’s capture. With the dissolution of the Senate, only one option remains for him to save her life: telling Vader the truth of her parentage.✦ on the day… by victoria_p, anakin & leia & obi-wan & bail/breha & cast, 6.4k    Darth Vader eavesdrops on a very interesting conversation.✦ which grows higher than soul can hope by victoria_p, anakin & leia & luke & han & cast, 8.6k    “If Vader captures you, if he threatens to torture or kill you, you tell him you’re Padmé Amidala’s daughter.”✦ Everything That Rises Must Converge by victoria_p (musesfool), obi-wan & anakin & luke & leia, 5.1k   In which Leia makes it to Tatooine’s surface after the Tantive IV is boarded, and nobody is prepared for this particular family reunion.✦ I Won’t Disturb the Slumber of Feelings That Have Died by Darkmagyk, anakin & leia, 1.6k   Leia Organa is no angel. ✦ Clarity by Orange_Clown, anakin & leia, 1k   By the time that the Imperial Forces landed on Hoth, Leia was the only one left on the base. ✦ Flesh of My Flesh by igrockspock, anakin & leia, 3.6k   Leia was not adopted. She was stolen in the middle of the night and registered to House Organa with forged papers. This was kidnapping, a class one felony, and her parents could be executed – unless she returned voluntarily to her rightful father. Immediately. A man called Grand Moff Tarkin explained this to Leia when she was eleven years old.✦ Carmine by AceQueenKing, anakin & leia, 2.7k   The Princess stirs, waking; her eyes catch him at her door and her face darkens, ready for a fight. ✦ The Trick is to Keep Breathing by AceQueenKing, anakin & leia, 3.3k    She’s older now, and so is he. Far older now. She wonders: will he have lost any power with his age? Will he be shorter, weaker? An old man on a ventilator?It’s hard to imagine that he won’t still be dangerous. But then, that’s exactly what she’s counting on.✦ Hear Me by crowleyshouseplant, anakin & leia & luke & cast, 3.2k   Leia struggles to reconcile Luke’s experience with his father and hers with Darth Vader.✦ In Which Vader Discovers He is a Father by glompcat, anakin & luke & leia & cast, 27.7k   A collection of (mostly self-contained) AUs where Vader learns about his kids earlier than he did in the canon timeline. Exploring both that moment of initial discovery, and the way the story unfolds after Vader finds Leia and/or Luke. ✦ deep as a secret nobody knows by victoria_p (musesfool), leia & anakin & obi-wan & luke & han & bail & cast, 6.3k   “If Vader captures you, if he threatens to torture or kill you, you tell him you’re Padmé Amidala’s daughter.”✦ daughter of mountains (the flesh and bone remix) by darlingargents, anakin & leia, 1.4k   Vader was Leia’s father, too. To die by his side would be the greatest honour.✦ The Gifted Child by AceQueenKing, anakin & leia & bail, 2.3k    Bail Organa watches his daughter navigate Coruscant society.  So does Darth Vader.✦ Siren Song by madame_alexandra, anakin & leia, 1.8k    Lord Vader has a crippling headache, and the source of it fascinates him.✦ The War at Home by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & leia, 1.4k   He’s been there for all her other losses, so it feels right for him to be here for this one, too.VADER & LUKE FIC:✦ Sibling Revelry by frodogenic, anakin & luke & leia & cast & ocs, 25.5k   After Bespin and before Endor, Darth Vader is shocked to discover that Luke and Leia are twins. He’s even more shocked when Imperial Intelligence reports that Organa and Skywalker are, erm, a tad closer than previously suspected. ✦ Limpet AU byfrodogenic, anakin & luke & mara & piett & cast, 69.8k   AU. Darth Vader, having survived the Battle of Endor, proceeds to get himself and his ship lost in the Unknown Regions for twenty-five years. When he returns, he finds the Empire has fallen, the New Republic is in force, and he himself has a new role to play…Grandpa. If you have ever wanted to see Vader vs. toddler, this is your story. Fluffily humorous.✦ a walk on part in the war by victoria_p, anakin & luke & leia & ahsoka & cast, 10.3k    Luke considers this family reunion far more successful than the one in Cloud City. At least this time, no one loses a hand.✦ In Loco Pirates by izzythehutt, anakin & luke & cast, 34.9k   A down-on-his-luck Hondo Ohnaka manages to capture the unicorn of all bounties–Luke Skywalker, which sends Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, on a painfully familiar trip to the planet Florrum to collect his prize. The failed negotiations leave Vader in the awkward position of being stuck in a besieged pirate bunker, trying to balance keeping his wayward child safe (and in his custody) with controlling the tongue of a loose-lipped pirate who–to the surprise of no one–has a bad habit of telling ‘amusing’ anecdotes from the Clone Wars.✦ Deja Vu by SkippingSteppingStones, obi-wan & anakin & luke, 2k   When Darth Vader is roused from sleep by a sob he feels strangely connected to, he is compelled to find its source.✦ Two and a Half Men (with a baby) by jerseydevious, obi-wan & anakin & luke & piett, 5.5k wip   After a long day of bargaining with Hutts and attempting to ignore his past, Darth Vader is nearing the end of his rope. When he discovers his two-year-old son, it’s the straw that breaks the semi-rational Sith Lord’s back; in a rash act worthy of the Skywalker name, he scoops his son into his arms, steals a shuttle from his own fleet, and punches in random hyperspace coordinates to a destination on the other side of the galaxy. Unfortunately, father and son are not the only ones on the ship.✦ The Family Tree by frodogenic, vader & luke, 12k   In which Luke Skywalker is stranded in a tree waiting for a flash flood to recede. Too bad he’s got company… Post-ESB oneshot, can be read as canon-compliant.✦ Out of the Darkness and Into the Sun by Spongyllama, anakin & luke & leia, 2.7k   Luke is desperate to keep his father alive after Endor, but he’s the only one who thinks Vader should be allowed to live.VADER & AHSOKA FIC:✦ trade your heroes for ghosts by victoria_p (musesfool), vader & ahsoka, 1.5k    Vader presents Ahsoka with an ultimatum. ✦ memories like ashes at our feet by ambiguously, anakin & ahsoka, 4.2k   Darth Vader was gravely injured in the explosion of the Sith Temple. Now Anakin Skywalker has no memory of what he’s doing here with Ahsoka.✦  the stillness of remembering by darlingargents, anakin & ahsoka, 2.3k   A few years after the rise of the Empire, Ahsoka starts to have a recurring dream ✦ Balance Point by Vinyarie, anakin & ahsoka, 34.3k   Ahsoka wakes up trapped beneath the rubble of the Sith temple on Malachor with the man currently known as Darth Vader. He’s a Sith lord who has done some truly awful things, but she’s certain that some part of him is still Anakin Skywalker, and she’s going to convince him of that. No matter how many times he tries to kill her for it.✦all the words i once believed by darlingargents, anakin & ahsoka, 6.8k    Anakin Skywalker wakes up after fifteen years with a body that isn’t his.✦ Precious Illusions by amarielah, anakin & ahsoka, 2.4k    In the aftermath of their confrontation on Malachor, Ahsoka pays Vader a visit. From a certain point of view.OTHER OT/VADER FIC:✦ Not Placid Stars But Singularities by iceplanet, anakin & cast (obi-wan & luminara & ahsoka & darth plagueis), 6.2k    In the weeks after Mustafar, Vader must come to terms with his new body and the remnants of his past. In the process, he has a few conversations that he does not expect. ✦ Salvage by SharpestRose, obi-wan & anakin & luke & padme & shmi & qui-gon, 4.6k    Obi-Wan thought he’d seen the worst of what Anakin was capable of. Obi-Wan’s not entirely right about that.✦ Wrong Number by Siamesa, obi-wan & anakin & luke & yoda & owen/beru, 3.4k   In hiding on Dagobah, the Lars family aquires a holocom. Things go horribly wrong.✦ Surrender to the Light by Raven_Knight, obi-wan & anakin & luke & qui-gon, 1.1k   Ben Kenobi knew exactly what he was doing when he saw Luke watching his duel with Darth Vader.✦ Domo Arigato, Mr Roboto by amarielah, anakin & sam & dean & cast, crossover, 16k wip   When Sam and Dean investigate a spate of Vader sightings in a remote Wyoming town, they discover that – this time – they’re hunting the real deal. Vader, meanwhile, has to adjust to a world that seems designed to piss him off. All while trying his best not to strangle the Winchesters.OBI-WAN & VADER FIC:✦ Cold by Yesac, obi-wan & anakin, 5.4k    Luke wasn’t the only one that Obi-Wan visited after he died. ✦ Betrayal: A Love Story by Shiny_n_new, obi-wan/anakin, 2.7k wip    A week after he kills Obi-wan Kenobi, Vader realizes he is being haunted. ✦ untitled by phosphorescent-naidheachd, obi-wan & anakin, ~1k    All you really need to know is that Obi-Wan’s ghost is in the slow process of haunting Vaderkin back into the Light during the original trilogy. ✦ Until Their Dying Breath by Down the Rabbit Hole, obi-wan & anakin, 1.1k    Vader’s ghosts are complicated. Set between The Empire Strikes Back and The Return of the Jedi. ✦ You Can’t Front on That by victoria_p (musesfool), obi-wan & anakin, 3.9k    When he hears Kenobi’s voice again months after killing him, Vader wonders if perhaps he’s begun to go mad.✦ Replaceable by amarielah, obi-wan/anakin, mildly nsfw, ~1k    He buries hands of flesh in thick, auburn-colored hair. He knows this is a dream. ✦ World Come Undone by crazyundeadfairy, obi-wan/anakin & luke + background anakin/padme, 68.3k wip    Unexpected things happen when ObiWan takes Luke to Tatooine. ✦ Second Chances by Driverpicksthemooseic (Ratkinzluver33), obi-wan/anakin & han/luke & leia + cast, de-aged fic, 106.3k wip    Leia wasn’t convinced inviting evil incarnate to join them in fighting the Empire was exactly one of Obi-Wan’s brightest ideas. ✦ Everything You Wanted by obaona, obi-wan & anakin + background anakin/padme, 11.3k    A RotS AU. Anakin is now Emperor and has captured ObiWan. But things are never that simple …✦ Back Drifting by puts foot in mouth, obi-wan & anakin, de-aged!obi-wan, 20.4k wip    After falling on Mustafar, Obi-Wan awakens to the dubious reality of being trapped in the cloned body of his child self, and now has to cope with the reversed father/son relationship fostered upon him by the new Sith Lord.Darth Vader redemption story. ✦ Disjointed by Ha_neul, obi-wan/anakin & luke, 2.1k    Returning to Tatooine to erase his past, Vader reunites with his old lover and their son. ✦ closing in by SpaceTimeSkywalker, obi-wan/anakin, 1k   Anakin and Obi-Wan were already long gone at that point, as their souls had perished together in the lava and amidst the acrid smoke; and all there was left was their shells, empty, remembering fragments of happier times that had long since passed. ✦ Obikin Drabble by fn_6969, obi-wan/anakin, ~1k   Anonymous prompt: “fic idea- darth vader thinking about obi-wan oh no”✦ we were born for better days by FireflysLove, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 3.6k wip   Obi-Wan attempts to save Vader from the Dark Side, but the Rebellion, especially Bail Organa and Ahsoka Tano, are not going to believe that after a decade of terrorizing the galaxy, Anakin Skywalker can possibly be saved.✦ Sear me pale sun by liv_k, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, bittersweet themes, 9.8k   “So here we are, a failed Jedi, a Sith, and our imminent deaths. I leave it to you to choose how we will meet our demise, whether fighting or doing something else entirely.”✦ my heart is an echo chamber by Burning_Nightingale, obi-wan/anakin, 3.4k   Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader don’t meet again until their final confrontation on the Death Star. Not in person, at least.✦ They rhyme by liv_k, obi-wan & anakin, 5.2k   Past and future, darkness and light, despair and hope meet one last time.FORCE GHOST ANAKIN FIC:✦ can’t carry it with you by irnan, obi-wan & anakin, 2.2k    So oneness with the Force is found in a field now? ✦ The Moment You Know by tricksterity, obi-wan/anakin & luke & leia, ~1k    A short, alternative ending to Return of the Jedi and the appearance of certain Force ghosts on Endor. ✦ The Last Temptation of Anakin Skywalker by theascetic, obi-wan/anakin, 4.9k wip    Obi Wan gives, and Anakin takes. ✦ Ghosts Can Become One by Lilly_Thoo, obi-wan/anakin, 1.3k    Anakin and Obi-Wan bicker a little bit. ✦ Complexities of Love by agentjedi, obi-wan/anakin, nsfw, 7.5k    Anakin comes to terms with his new existence, and learns new lessons in the Force in a most unusual way. ✦ Salvation by Spongyllama, obi-wan & anakin & cast, 6.8k    Following his death, Anakin isn’t quite sure if he’s in heaven or hell. Not that he’s ever really believed in either. ✦ i wake up more awake than i’ve ever been before by ShakyHades, obi-wan/anakin, 1.1k    He missed their bond and camaraderie, the times they trusted each other with their lives. It hurt, seeing Obi-Wan and remembering how Anakin was the one to destroy everything the other had held dear, including himself. ✦ Dig the Grave and Let Me Lie by de_corporis, obi-wan & anakin, 1k    “Anakin,” says Obi-Wan again, and slides one hand up to cradle Anakin’s cheek. “I am so very proud of you.” Obi-Wan welcomes Anakin home. ✦ Died last night in my dreams by SquaresAreNotCircles, obi-wan/anakin & qui-gon & yoda, force ghosts, 2.2k    Obi-Wan sipped his tea and stared morosely out into nothing. “Become a force ghost, he said. It’ll be for the good of the universe, he said.” ✦ Strange Meetings by gilestel, luke & ahsoka & anakin, 2.9k    Luke almost didn’t notice the figure cloaked in white who stood before the charred remnants of the pyre in which he had cremated his father’s empty armor.✦I Never Knew You by Ibelin, anakin & kylo ren, 3.8k   After the defeat at Starkiller, Kylo Ren is on his way to Snoke to complete his training and, during meditation, he gets a visit from someone he’d always wanted to meet. It doesn’t go as well as he’d hoped. Be careful what you wish for - especially when what you wish for involves Darth Vader.✦ I Never Knew You by Ibelin, anakin & kylo, 3.8k   After the defeat at Starkiller, Kylo Ren gets a visit from someone he’d always wanted to meet. It doesn’t go as well as he’d hoped. Be careful what you wish for - especially when what you wish for involves Darth Vader. ✦ Let the Past Die by Ibelin, anakin & leia, 2k   Anakin’s Force ghost has scared Kylo Ren. When he visits Leia next, it’s his turn to be scared.✦ we are here and it is now by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & rey & luke, 3.5k   “So either you’re not here or you’re not living,” she says. “I’m definitely here,” he replies, and there’s amusement in his voice.✦ And There Shall I Find by ambiguously, anakin & leia, 5.6k    After her shuttle crashes on a desolate world, Leia has only one person to keep her company. ✦ Drowned in Moonlight by scarletjedi, anakin & leia & cast, 3k    Leia Dies. What, like that was going to stop her?✦ learn to live with what you can’t rise above by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & leia, 1.9k     Leia doesn’t have time for the ghost of her dead father, except when she does.

[midnigtartist]

6. The super long kiss that wasn’t intended

He knows he should be watching the treeline. Sat beside Nott at the front of the cart, Molly knows that he ought to be scanning the tree line for any potential threats to their merry band as they weave their way through the valley. But he just can’t seem to get himself to focus on the slow passing trees as Nein marches southward. His gaze keeps slipping from the road, as he glanced over his shoulder at the wizard curled up in the back of the cart.

As to be expected, he’s got a book propped up in his lap. One of the spellbook he keeps strapped to his side, Molly notes, as he carefully and meticulously sifts through their recent spoils. The faint hum of arcane energy hangs in the air around him. It pricks at the back of Molly’s neck, making the hair there stand on edge and that’s why he’s been so distracted, and certainly not because Caleb looks so darling and content with his task, a small smile curling at the corner of his lips.

No, Molly thinks wryly to himself, it’s certainly nothing to do with that. Not at all.

He swings his legs over the side of the cart bench, earning and disgruntled yelp from Nott as she’s jostled by the movement. Molly ignores this, instead watching Caleb’s, dare he says, giddy smile as the pearl clasped tight in his hand dulls, and he picks up the bracelet he’s been inspecting. Sliding off the bench, Mollymauk seats himself cross legged at the perimeter of Caleb’s pile of spoils, resting his cheek to his fist.

“Anything interesting?”

Caleb starters, but only a little, his head jolting up and eyes blinking as he takes in the new addition to his ring of shiny things. Molly offers him a curling, close mouth smile in lue of a proper greeting.

Caleb nods, pulling at his beard. “Ja, this-” he gestured vaguely over the lot of stuff, a crooked grin on his face. “This ist gut. There is a lot a usefully things here.”

“Almost finished then?” Molly asks.

“Oh yah, I just have to look over these rings for Jester, you know, and then that will be all of it but ahhhh- you have come over here? Is- is there something you need?” the thrill the magic gives him, seems to bear wearing off and Molly can see Caleb slowly receding back into his shell. And that simply won’t do.

He shrugs “Not particularly. This is fascinating, by the way.”

Caleb lowers his gaze to his spellbook. He twiddles and twists the pearl between his fingers and Molly tracks the movement because that’s fascinating too. Caleb’s long fingers rolling the small bead between them is truly something and he can feel the slight flush crawling up his neck.

“You have seen me identify objects before,,,” Caleb mutters.

“And I find it thrilling every time!” he says. He leans forward so his elbows are pressed into his knees. “I think it’s just wonderful, that. How you can learn all of that stuff just from looking at it for a few minutes. It’s very impressive!”

Caleb shrugs, but Molly spies a phantom of a smile touching the corner of his mouth and he finds himself beaming all the wider for it.

“Well you know, there is a bit more to it then that but it is ahhh,, nerd shit.”

“What I’ve learned from traveling with the lot of you terrible people is that nerd shit tends to be the shit that keeps us alive. It’s very useful shit. Don’t sell your shit short Caleb, it’s very good shit! Quality, even.” he says. Somewhere to the right of him, he can hear Jester cackling. He keeps his eyes and his smile trained on Caleb, who’s actually turned a bit to face him.

“Ha ha.” it’s not a laugh, not really. It more just the noise, but it’s so endearing that Molly’s insides squirm with delight at the sound. “I suppose you are right- about that at least.”

“You’d be surprised by how much I’m right about, actually.” Molly says.

This time Caleb does laugh, even if all it is a huff of air. “Mister Mollymauk.”

“Mister Caleb”

The pearl rolls between his thumb and forefinger. “Would you like learn a magic trick? I, you know, I have tried teaching Jester before, and umm, Beauregard but, they don’t, well, they really do not have the patience for this sort of thing.”

He cocks his head to the side. “And you think I do?”

“I have seen you mend your coat.” Caleb says, actually leveling his clear blue gaze on Molly, effectively pinning him in place. “That embroidery is your handy work, hmm? Something like that takes a lot of time.”

Molly draws back so that he’s sitting up straight. “Well as flattering as it is to know you keep eye on me.” Caleb flushes. “-I don’t think I’m quite clever enough to do what it is you do dear.”

Magic, at least, the magic Caleb does, seems to require a lot of reading, and reading has never really agreed with Mollymauk Tealeaf. It makes his eyes hurt and his whole brain revolt against him, can even give him a terrible headache if he forces himself to work at it for too long.

Caleb’s brows draw together, forming deep creases between his eyes. “It is not that hard.” he says.

Molly flashes him a tight smile. “Yes, but I’m not that smart.”

The wizard shuts his spellbook with a forceful snap that makes Molly’s tail jump and curl up behind him. “Come here, Mollymauk.” Caleb says, commands really, Molly thinks with a shiver. “I will not force you, if you do not wish, but do not withhold just because you think that you might not be clever enough. I will be the judge of that.”

“Well when you put it so nicely,,,” Molly says, praying to the Weaver that he sound relatively unaffected by whatever that was. He slides over so that he’s sitting next to Caleb, instead of across from him. “So, what will I be learning then?”

Caleb hesitates, but only for a moment before he opens his book back up, and shuffles over so that Molly can see the pages, balancing it on his knee.

“Something simple, I think.”

“Oh goody.”

Even the creak of the branches in the wind sounds ominous, which Molly thinks is rather ridiculous and painfully cliche. His blade, glowing with a warm, white light, is wrapped up in the tails of his coat to dull it’s radiance as Molly creeps along low in the brush. The Nein had decided, against Molly’s better judgement, decided to travel a few hours past sunset.

“The next town isn’t that far, guys.” Jester had told them, brandishing the map with the same ferocity with which she handles her sickle. “We’ve been on the road for daaaaaaaaaaays and my feet are getting all tired and gross from walking so much and I just want to sleep in a bed and not in the grass and wake up with like, bugs in my hair and stuff.”

So they’d marched on, and now they’re paying the price because not only is it a good couple of hour past sunset, but they’d been assaulted by some ruffians. Taking advantage of the exhausted state of the party, they’d managed to stop them, rob them, and make off with Jester’s haversack of holding. With so much of their valuable shit in that bag, they’d decided to give chase, and had gotten spread pretty thin in the processes. Which, isn’t such a bad thing, Molly’d been able to pick off a few of the bandits, spread thin themselves, quickly and quietly. But he’s worried about everyone else. If they were unlucky enough to run into more of the bastards then they could handle alone, with Jester possible very, very far away. That could make things a bit more sticky.

Of course, they’re all pretty capable, decently strong. And yet,,, Molly’s worried about some, specifically squishy members of their party.

He’ll- they’ll be fine.

He marches on deeper into the woods.

A bit of time later, the sound of muffled voices hit Molly’s ears. Not long after does he spy the flicker of firelight through the leaves, painting speckled shadows along forest floor.

Molly pauses a moment, tucking himself against a rotting old tree trunk. Peeking over the top of it he can just barely make out a group of darkened figured, hooting and hollering like idiots around a makeshift camp. Why do petty thieves always do that? Make a whole fucking ton of noise that gives away their position. Every single band of thieves he’s ever run into does it. It’s just not smart. Though, if they were smart enough to understand that they probably wouldn’t be out here robbing well seasoned mercenary groups, he thinks. He counts the shadows, or at least he tries to. The back lighting from the fire is fucking up his night vision but he thinks he sees four or five distinct individuals. Too many to take out alone.

Reaching into his pocket with his free hand, he pulls out a little piece of wire. Its difficult, harder with only one hand, but he manages to wrap the bit of copper around his finger and brings it up to his lips. He points out into the woods in the general direction he thinks he saw people running. “Found a group of them. Looks like five maybe? North. Just past that one rock that looks remarkably like a penis. Oh ! and you can reply to this message” he whispers into his fist.

Molly does this eight more time, hoping that if he casts a wide enough net he’ll be able to get in touch with at least some of the Nein. Between not knowing exactly where everyone is and the, frankly concerning, fizzle of the spell against his lips he not sure how many of them got the message. On the fourth time, he hears Jester’s cackling rattling around in his skull. It’s a horrible bizarre feeling that makes his skin tingle,and not even in the fun way.  On the sixth one he hears Beau’s exasperated “real fucking mature, man” and has to stifle a chuckle. On the last one, it’s Caleb’s voice ringing around in his skull.

“I see the rock you are talking about. oh- ja it does look like a dick.” He says. “I am making my way over to you now.”

Molly waits, one eye on the trees around him, one on the group of bandits, watching for any strange movement. Maybe one of them will come over here to take a piss. He could take them out nice and quite, and that would be one less shit head to deal with.

The bushes to his right rustle and Molly tightens his grip on his sword. Caleb comes sprinting out of the underbrush towards him, crouched low to the ground to avoid being spotted. Molly can’t even even get a word of greeting out before Caleb is suddenly upon him, hands reaching to curl around the lapel of his coat.

The wizard is positively beaming at him, his face cracked with a wide smile Molly has only ever seen him give Nott. His eyes are practically glowing, wide and excited and full of pride. He’s on Molly in an instant huddled against the rotten log alongside him and Molly is stunned.

“You cast message!” Caleb says, barely able to keep his voice to a stage whisper for the excitement. His hands come up, cupping Molly’s face between them and immediately the teifling feels himself start to color. Thumbs rub over his cheeks, Caleb squishing his face between his calloused palms “You cast the spell, you did the thing that I showed you! Oh! I am so proud! I am so proud of you! You are brilliant Mollymauk. I could kiss you!”

Well, that makes Molly’s heart do all sorts of ill advised and complicated gymnastics in his chest.

He puts a shaking hand on Caleb’s knee. ��Don’t say thing you don’t intent to follow through on, Mister Caleb.”

Brain seeming to have caught up with his mouth, Caleb pales, then flushes a deep scarlet. His hand stay cupped around Molly’s cheeks, though they do lessen they’re squeezing a bit. His gaze falls past Molly’s right shoulder. “I ahh- right. I was- well I got a little excited I suppose,,,”

“Happens to the best of us.” he gives Caleb leg a friendly jiggle “Your secret’s safe with me”

Caleb chuckles.

They don’t move. They’re still dreadfully, painfully close. Annoyingly, not close enough. He watches as Caleb’s gaze flickers back over to his face. Watches the way his sharp, ever curious blue eyes trace the curve of his palm where it’s pressed into Molly cheek, all the way down to the corner of his mouth. He leans in.

The center of gravity suddenly shifts and Mollymauk Tealeaf finds himself crashing against Caleb’s warm mouth. Its quick, but it’s everything.

Caleb presses his lips firmly to Mollymauk’s for a brief moment, pulling him in with the fingers still curved around his jaw. Molly gasps, fingers tightening around the fabric of Caleb’s pant leg. He lets his eyes flutter shut. And then the warmth is gone and Molly opens his eyes to see the wizard staring at him, wide eyed and flushed. Still his hands don’t move from Molly’s face.

“I should not have done that. I-”

Molly brings his other hand up to the back of Caleb’s neck and pulls him forward. Their lips meet again and Molly can taste the crackle of arcane power that lingers on them. It shoots a thrill down his spine. The hand on Caleb’s knee tangles into the coarse fur lining of his coat and Molly sigh, deep and wanting against the other man’s mouth.

To his glorious surprise, Caleb responds in kind. His hands begin to move, one sliding down his face to rest at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, those long, scholarly fingers spanning across his throat, making Molly shiver. The other tangles into the short curls at the back of his neck, drawing Molly even closer.

Molly breaths through the kiss, eyes shut tight as he focuses on the feeling. Of dry and ragged ruined lips against his own. On the slight scratch of stubble against his chin and the rough pads of Caleb’s fingers on his skin. He feels exactly like he looks, coarse and rough around the edges. Nothing like the soft, sweet smelling hired company that Molly’s used to. He finds he likes this much better. The earthy smell that clings to weather battered skin, mixed in with faint hints of whatever spell components line Caleb’s pockets. Licorice and molasses.

Caleb sighs against him, tilting his head for a better angle.  Molly puts all other thoughts out of his head. Forgets about the bandits at his back, and his friends stomping through the underbrush. Even forgets about their stole bag of good. He put his facilities to better use, memorizing the shape and heat of Caleb’s lips against his own

Molly parts his lips and prods at Caleb’s lower lip with the twin prongs of his forked tongue, makes a soft sound of pleasure as Caleb’s fingers tighten in his hair. Caleb jumps under his hands, pulling away. He desperately wants to follow, but Molly let him go, keeping fingers folded against the lapels of his coat, half  to keep himself grounded, half to keep Caleb from bolting before he can find his voice again.

“Don’t you dare apologize for that.” He crooks out after a moment.

Caleb stares at him with blown out blue eyes. He swallows, runs a hand across his jaw. His fingers linger against his lips. “Ja- okay,,, That was ahhh-”

“That was good.” Molly assures him, stroking fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Caleb nods, looking a little unsure. “Gut, ja. You know, uhh maybe we should- should, you know- maybe we could do that again, sometime. But I think we should probably take care of those bandits first.”

A smile splits Molly’s face. “Think we can take them, just the two of us?

“No.” Caleb hands come back around to cup his cheeks, then slip down, coming  to rest against the front of Molly’s coat “We are pretty tough, but you said that there were at least five of them. I do not want us taking any unnecessary risks.” he starts fidgeting with Molly’s coat, adjusting it on his shoulder and smoothing out the silk with his hands. “Clever boy.” Molly says, fondness laced into his words.

Caleb doesn’t meet his gaze, but he does smile.

The sound of twigs snapping catch their attention and moments later Beau comes slinking out of the bushes, a new bruise swelling up over her eye. Caleb hands fall away. Molly keeps fingers pressed lightly against the side of his knee.

“That’s a good look on you.” he says, once Beau is close enough.

“Thanks asshole.” Beau wedges her way between the two of them, elbowing Molly in the stomach as she does.  

He whizzes out a pained laugh.

[littlebitoffanfic]

Insanity

Fandom: Texas Chainsaw Massacre Characters: Nubbins, Drayton, Bubba Relationship: Nubbins/reader Request: Hi could you do another Nubbinsxreader ? Maybe about him falling in love with one of the victims and the victim likes him back? Thanks When your cousins friend pulled over for the hitchhiker, you couldn’t help but be totally mesmerised by this strange person who had clambered into the back of the van. He saw next to you while the others squeezed up towards the front of the van. The only reason you had came on this stupid road trip with your cousin and her 3 friends was because you were going to jump off somewhere and start fresh. You hated them with a passion. Stuck up adult children with little sense of what others might go through in their life’s when their mommy and daddy aren’t footing the bill. Like this man, he was obviously having a hard time and you had done your best to pull over and let him in. He was very smiley, chuckling every now and again as the van kept silent. Suddenly, he started to ruffle through his bag and turn to you. “Look, look here.” He pulled out a camera and raised it up, taking two quick succession snap shots of you. you blinked, but unable to stop yourself from laughing at the strange action. the prints came out and he quickly grabbed them, placing them to the side. “Why did you take her picture?” Mark, your cousins boyfriend pipped up. “Pretty girl, pretty, picture.” He held up the photo which was actually rather nice. The shock hadn’t fully hit you so you just looked a little quizzical. It certainly wasn’t the worse picture of you in the world. “Good picture, see.” He held it up to Mark who quickly reached out to snatch it out of the mans hand but he was quicker. “Not yours, hers.” He growled, sounding rather aggressive before holding the picture out to you. You smiled and took it. “but didn’t he take two?” Your cousin asked and you could tell the line of questioning along with the disgusted looks were getting on the mans nerves. “No, he just took one. It’s a double flash camera.” You lie through your teeth, knowing there was no such think but the group let out a collective ‘ahh’ as if they knew. You send the man a knowing smirk as you turned back to him and he seemed to be beaming at you. “Do you do a lot of photography?” you ask, moving a little closer to him. “Yeah, yeah!” Back into his bag he went and pulled out a bundle of photos. “use to work at the slaughter house.” He presented the photos to you and you took them. The photos were of various cattle in the different stages of being processed. “Really? How long were you there for?” you ask, flipping through the photos in fascination. It always interested you in some morbid way. “Since a child, since I was young. My brother worked there, and my pap. Family worked there.” He spouted off, seemingly enjoying talking about it. “Whats that?” you ask, holding a photo up to him. It was of a dead cow with a strange machine in the back ground. He shuffled closer to you and you pointed to what you were asking about. “Grinder. Grind up the meat real good. Make mince, and burgers. No bones can go in though. Not bones.” He tapped the photo a few times to emphasise the point. “Ive never seen one that big before. Must have been dangerous to work with.” You comment. Someone could easily lose an entire arm in there. “Can we stop talking about dead things and meat.” Your cousin started to moan as she grimaced. The man frowned at her but dropped his gaze and looked back at you. You rolled your eyes and offered him the pictures back. “sorry.” You said in a low voice so the others would hear. he took the photos and stuffed them back in his bag. You noticed him take the spare photo of you and put it in a little sack that hung around his neck. “Do you know where theres a gas station?” Simon, who had been driving the entire time, called back. “yeah, yeah, up ahead. Keep following the road. About a mile.” The man points forward, so eager to give directions. “And where are you needing dropped off?” your cousin snapped at the man. “[c/n]!” You snapped back, angry at her for being so rude. “I can get out there.” The man smiles, looking at you. He was playing about with something in his bag. Suddenly, he grabbed your hand and hauled you towards him, holding your palm face up. From his bag, he drew a blade and bought it across your palm. It wasn’t deep but it was terrifying. You heard everyone scream and Mark jumped forward, pulling the guy off you. in turn, the guy sliced his own palm as if he intended to make some blood brother promise. Simon slammed on the breaks and Mark opened the door, pushing the man and his belongings out onto the side of the road. But, for some reason, you couldn’t scream. Your hand was pulsing with pain and you couldn’t believe what just happened to you. Simon stepped on the gas and the van flew off. The man ran along side it, slamming into the side and smearing his bloodied hand over the side. But soon the van picked up enough speed. “Are you happy we picked him up now?!” Mark snapped at you, none of them really caring that you were bleeding badly. You wrapped your hand in a clean hand towel you had bought just in case. And yet, you couldn’t pull your mind away from the man. You didn’t even know his name. The others were debating about stopping at all to get gas but Simon said they had to. maybe you could ask the attendants there if they knew about the mysterious man. Soon enough, you pulled into a gas station. There were two men stepped out. Simon told the man to fill it up but the man told him the gas truck was running later and would hopefully be here within the day. You were the last to get out the van, and your hand caught the guys attention as the others debated about what to do. “what happened to your hand there?” He asked, coming up to you. “We picked up a hitchhiker. I think he took a liking to me.” You tried to shrug it off as a job. “Seems so.” The man hummed himself as his eyes fell on the blood on the side of the van. “You wouldn’t happen to know his name? he said hes from around here, and his family worked at the slaughter house.” You asked, keeping your voice low which he obviously noticed. “Don’t want your friends hearing?” he asked, dropping his voice. “There not my friends. I only came along so I can hop out somewhere and start a new life. I cant stand them.” You roll your eyes, especially when you heard the two girls squabbling once again. “Aint nothing like them, are you?” The man asked again, an eye brow raised. “No, they think im strange and weird.” You confess. “Aint nothing wrong with being weird. Most of the folks out here are weird.” The man looks around the area although there was nothing but the station. “thanks.” You smile. “I’d hug you, but im guessing you don’t want blood all over your shirt.” This got a chuckle from the man. “Nah, better not. Damn near impossible to get out of white.” He looks down at the white shirt he wore in distant. “Ive heard vinegar is good for getting blood out.” You muse, looking back to the group. “Really?” The man replies after a long pause. “listen, could you do me a favour?” “I can try.” You look back to him. “get yer friends, er, acquaintance , to stay around here for a bit. But you stay inside the station.” The man ducks down, nearly whispering to you. “Why?” you ask, frowning in confusion. “You want a new start? I can offer you one, if yer willing to work for it.” The man raised an eye brow at you. “What sort of work?” You cocked your head, very aware of the sort of work some pervs might ask you for. “Helping my brothers keep out of trouble. Maybe staying here now and then as well as some light house work.” He nodded to the station when necessary before looking back to you. “But there might be some… unsavoury things you had to see.” You paused, weighing your options. It would certainly get you out of the pickle you were in with the others, and spending a few months in the Texas heat did sound kinda nice. Plus, that curious part of you, the one that found the hitchhiker to be absolutely fascinating, wanted to know more. “Okay.” You agreed. “good. Im Drayton. You get in any sort of trouble at all, you tell ‘em my name.” he held out his hand and you took it with your not bloodied one. “[y/n].” You introduced yourself with a smile. -------time skip ------------- As requested, you persuaded the others to stay close by. They wanted to sunbath and you said you were feeling a bit queasy and went inside with Drayton and his assistant. The occasionally checked in with you but more to see if the gas truck was on its way. And then, after a few hours, it stopped. You looked out the window and you couldn’t see them. Frowning, you ducked your head a little to see if it was just the angle you were at. “Time to shut up shop.” Drayton walked in. it was nearly nightfall and his assistant had went home long ago. “What about the gas truck?” you asked, turning to him. Drayton dropped your gaze, busing himself with gather his coat. ���There is no gas truck.” You stated, rather than ask as you walked up to him. “Now, now, listen-“ he seemed to get himself riled up, like he expected you to freak out and run. But you were intrigued. “Are we still going? Should I grab my things from the van?” You asked, keeping your voice sweet and calm. When he heard you, it certainly calmed him down. “yeah, come on.” The two of you walked out to his truck. He got into the driver and you jumped up into the passenger. “now, if you see that hitchhiker again, duck. Don’t need him running after my truck again.” Drayton told you as he started up the engine. “You do know him?” you asked, growing more and more curious. “yeah, don’t worry. You’ll be seeing him again.” Drayton seemed to smirk at you. he obviously knew a lot more than he was letting on. He drove out and down a side road which lead to a long path to a white house in the center. And walked down that path was the very man who had totally taken over your thoughts since you first met him. You slid down in your seat as you had been told to do. But it seems you being in the truck wasn’t what stated him running alongside. You couldn’t help but laugh. “Does he do that with every car?” You ask Drayton. “Just my damn truck. Thinks its funny.” Drayton said through gritted teeth as you sat further up once the van was past him. But when you pulled up outside the house, the man was at Draytons door. “Did, did yah keep the girl?! The one-“ He started to stutter over himself, seeming as excited as a child at Christmas. “yeah, yeah, shes in the truck.” Drayton pushed him away as he got out of the truck. In a flash, the man appeared at your side, opening the door. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you out, carrying you while he kicked the door closed. He let you down but kept a hold of your hand as he pulled you towards the house. “Hang on a damn minute!” Drayton called out but it apparently landed on deaf ears as he continued to pull you inside the house. “BUBBA!” He screams into the house, and you heard movement within the house. Someone came out of a side room and you felt fear flood your body. The man, Bubba, was massive with a bloodied apron and a mask. He let out a scared whine and seemed to panic. “No, no, no. Shes staying.” He put himself between you both as he calmed down Bubba. You couldnt speak as you watched the stranger interaction. In fact, you were in a daze until Drayton came in behind you. “He’s right. She’s gonna stay and help with the business.” Drayton walked past you all into the kitchen. “If she can stomach it.” You felt the eeriness of the house take over you as you looked around. It was old and unkept but could be beautiful. There were bones and feather scattered around the place. You totally missed what happened between bubba and the guy, whos name you still didn’t know. “I don’t know.” He said in a confused voice, as if it was stupid not to. He turned to you. “What’s your name?” “[y/n].” You told him, amused. “nice, that’s a nice name.” He nodded frantically before trying to pull you into the house, but you dug your heels into the ground. “Wait, I don’t even know your name.” You laugh at his eagerness. “Oh, its Nubbins.” He called over his shoulder, still trying to pull you forward as Bubba was called by Drayton. “Nubbins?” You laughed a little at the strange name. “Wait, wait two seconds.” He kind of reminded you of an excited child in the way he moved sometimes. “wait, can you at least tell me why you cut my hand.” You pulled back, managing to free your hand from his. Your cut hand had been seen to by Drayton, who had wrapped it up nicely in clean bandages for you. “Oh, didn’t hurt you too badly. Tried not to.” He turned to you, taking your bandaged hand in his own as he looked it over and seemed genuinely concerned. “No, its okay now. Stings a little.” You comfort him a little. “That’ll stop. Always does.” He shows you his own hand which was unseen to and still bloodied but dry. You gasped, pulling his hand closer to you as you tried to see if he had cut himself deep. “Had to mark yah so cook knew not to harm you. so, you can stay here.” This time, his voice wasn’t filled with the same level of energy as before. He spoke more mature, and with genuine worry. “Do you choose a lot of girls?” You ask as you don’t dare look up at him. “No, aint ever met one like you before.” His words draw your attention back up to meet his gaze. “Well, it would seem I owe you a great debt, considering what I think might have happened to the others.” You couldnt help but smile a little as you looked at him. It was totally insane. Everything was. Any rational, sane person wouldn’t leave her friends for dead to run off with some hitchhiker she just met. But you weren’t like any other girl. You were willing to fall into this strange world he pulled you to, ready to embrace the good and the bad parts. “Hmmm.” He raised his unhurt hand to head, scratching his scalp in fake thought. “A kiss would certainly clear your debt.” you saw the small twinkle in his eyes as well as the smile on his lips. You couldn’t say no. “Sounds a fair trade.” You smirk before leaning forward and pressing your lips to his. He jumped, obviously not expecting you to accept so quickly. In fact, he stood there for a moment seemed lost in your lips before finally kissing you back. His arms twisted around your waist and he pulled you against his body. “Bubba, you idiot, yer gonna burn it.” You heard shouted from the kitchen by Drayton, but it was enough to make you jump and pull away. “Don’t worry ‘bout him. Leaves all the dirty work up to me and Bubba.” Nubbins laughed slightly, refusing to let you go, not that you minded. “Oh, well I better keep on your good side.” You smirk, cuddling against his and resting your head on his shoulder. Whatever crazed world you had stepped into, you didn’t know and didn’t really care. Maybe you were just as insane as Nubbins on some level, not that that really mattered in the end. It was complete insanity and you loved it. Beside sanity was always such a fleeting thing.

[daddycardan]

WE NEED A VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL FOR JURDAN!!!!!!!❤️

okay first of all i’m dumb as fuck and i’ve been single for what, like 3 years now and i’ve never been a particularly romantic soul anyways so pls overlook my lack of romanticness but here’s a Jurdan “whoops i got pregnant on valentines day” HC

neither Jude nor Cardan were aware of the fact

that Jude indeed can

get

pregnant

but you can’t even actually blame them

Cardan’s never been with a mortal before, and he already got used to fucking everything and everyone without a second thought

faeries get pregnant so very rarely that they are often don’t even aware of the fact that pregnancy...

exists ? 

and Jude, well, she’s never been with anyone at all

and Madoc wasn’t a very informative resource on this subject

so all her knowledge about sex and pregnancy comes from Vivi

Vivi, who is famous for not giving a shit

when Cardan and Jude started hooking up, neither of them realized that accidents might happen sooner or later

and considering the fact that they were fucking like bunnies, twice a day on average

accidents did happen

miraculously

it was actually Valentine’s Day, which is just a lame mortal term for the Heart Hunter’s Day in Faerie

Jude and Cardan were having a last-minute audience just before the Heart Hunter revel, where horny faeries can shoot at each other with blunt arrows

the petitioner was no other than Mother Marrow, looking up at the royal couple in the same ragged, smoky outfit they met her in for the first time

“I needed to see you, Your Majesty,” she said, seemingly talking to Cardan

but her gaze constantly went to Jude

“I have felt, and I have heard and I have seen.”

“What do you mean?” Cardan sighed, his fingers impatiently drumming on the armrest

“I have seen a prophecy, kingling,” the hag replied with her chin held high. “Of your son.”

Cardan choked on his wine and coughed until the drink was spilling out of his nose

Jude, though, didn’t seem to be affected in any way

she sat on her own throne, like a majestic marble statue, like the Queen she was, raising an eyebrow at the hag

“Yet another prophecy. Wonderful. What does it say?”

Mother Marrow trembled and bowed to the ground before her Queen

“It says... that your son is going to be the king who wakes the beast, the one who hatches its eggs, and traps it, and tames it and sees its heart. And he will see the world's heart in it, the boy whom you are carrying.”

there was a long silence, and it just didn’t seem to stop stretching out

Cardan was the one who finally broke it

“Excuse me?”

the hag didn’t reply, she just stared at them with a strange, ancient gleam in her eyes

Jude cleared her throat

“Are you implying that you believe I’m pregnant?”

“Oh, no,” she shook her head “I don’t believe it, not a single bit. In fact, I know it for certain. You are carrying a child, Your Majesty. Stars and guts never lie.”

Cardan made a little, awkward laugh, and started getting up

Jude could see the panic in his dark eyes

“This was a very fascinating audience, but I feel quite sick, and I shall retire with my Queen now.”

when they were finally back in their chambers they both lost the remainings of their composure

Jude threw herself onto the bed and screamed into her pillow for three minutes straight

Cardan was walking back and forth, shifting between weird peals of laughter and observing Jude’s flat stomach with childish curiosity

“She is lying. She is wrong. Her stupid guts and stars are lying and are wrong,” Jude muttered to herself while blankly staring at the ceiling

“Our son is like a little egg, and you are like a hen and he lives inside of you,” Cardan whispered excitedly and gently put his hand on her belly. “HE IS MOVING! JUDE, I JUST FELT HIM MOVING!”

“No, for fuck’s sake, that was just—”

“HE TRIES TO TALK TO ME!”

“Cardan, that was just my stomach gurgling because I’m hungry and stressed out, and I’m just about to pass out for the next nine months, so don’t make it any harder, thanks.”

“What could he be saying...?” Cardan murmured under his breath, pressing his ear against Jude’s stomach

Jude sighed, buried her face into a pillow and let him do it

she started slowly drifting off into a restless, superficial sleep

she was exhausted

Cardan snuggled closer to her, one hand still caressing her belly

they laid there for hours, finding comfort in each other’s touch

they both were to still process the thought that their Valentine’s Day gift

is a new little Prince

[hopeymchope]

Random thoughts about bad/dumb/good things that happen in the back nine episodes of ‘Darling in the Franxx’

This post is long, and it’s mostly me griping about how Darling in the Franxx failed to stick its landing. I’ve got a lot of bullet points about what annoyed me, as well as some points about what I still liked in the back half, and eventually I’m just like “yeah, fuck this.”

That’s the short version: You had a lot going for you but ultimately blew it really bad for me, so like... fuck this.

Damn right Mitsu-WAIT, I forgot when Mitsuru had this much emotion! WHO DIS?!

The long version is more complicated, though, and I feel like rambling/ranting on, so here it goes.

There is no way to stress enough that Zero-Two literally transforms into a giant part-human part-mech creature that Hiro literally rides inside of. She becomes a skyscraper-sized girl that you can climb inside the skull of, and EVERYBODY IS OKAY WITH THIS AND DELIGHTED BY IT. There is NOT a moment where Zorome cries “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUUUUUUUUCK?!?” when she appears, flying in space, at a mass so large she could easily swallow the whole team in one gulp. Nothing like that.

This is not adequately set up, but it IS understandable with some thought: I mean, we are told in a previous ep that the franxx are essentially just recreated, retrofitted klaxosaurs. We also have seen how klaxosaurs are part-organic, part-mechanical beings, and we are told by the Klaxo Princess they are, in fact, the new version of the organic klaxosapiens, now retrofitted for war. In addition, we know that Zero-Two is part Klaxosaur - a clone of the last klaxosapien. So you see how the idea that Zero-Two could somehow “retrofit” or “transition” into a giant cybernetic war mode similar to how the klaxosapiens somehow did the same thing... you could justify that! Once I thought it all through, it kinda worked. But none of this is laid out for you, and it comes off as laugh-out-loud ridiculous in the moment that it happens. Only later, when my brain was piecing the evidence together, did I get somewhere that made sense out of it.

The Nines remained bitterly loyal to Papa when we last see them in Episode 20, snapping at Squad 13 for not showing due respect. When they return in Episode 23, Nine Alpha is suddenly on the side of Squad 13. Because Papa turned out to be an alien, you see. But like... you’ve been fighting klaxosaurs and feeling extreme loyalty to Papa your entire lives up until like, yesterday, so seeing you suddenly join the pro-klaxo side of the war is perhaps too hard a turn. Granted, a lot of time passes off-screen during this period, but still it’s sort of “Hey it’s me, Alpha. Remember how I was never anything but a total asshole to you guys? Remember how I hated emotions and shit? Yeah I wanna help Hiro reunite with Zero Two now.” Um. Okay?

Mitsuru’s speech to Kokoro about how “I want to be with you not because I love you, but because I believe that I did love you once, and I don’t remember that feeling anymore, but I still believe it existed, and I want to respect it!” is literally the worst, least-romantic declaration of non-love I’ve ever heard in my life. The music swells romantically and Kokoro seemingly weeps out of joy over it. I prefer to think she’s crying because it’s so fucking awful. It is actively offensive to real emotions and logic

Remember when Mitsuru talked about he always wished he and Hiro could co-pilot a franxx together? Remember his debilitating rage at Hiro for forgetting their promise to become soldiers together? It really feels like we had a gay or bi character here, and that maybe we were setting something up for his character. but the entire fixation on Hiro is utterly ignored once he gets reduced to “Kokoro’s sperm donor.” I mean, jeez, “my homosexual fixation on Hiro has filled me with an incoherent rage” just gave me flashbacks to Juzo from Danganronpa 3, and that’s not good, but at least it was more personality than he ultimately got.

WHY are we left with the strong sense that Ikuno is dying of the accelerated aging (she is the only one who loses ALL color in her hair and the only one we last see in a hospital bed on an IV drip, so it’s pretty blatant) even though literally no one else in the squad is suffering from it anymore, supposedly thanks to HER research?!... I assume because she’s gay. After all, the extremely gay Nines were all killed off by a mysterious ailment due to a lack of “maintenance” so we might as well kill off Ikuno too, right?! BURY YOUR GAYS. And FUCK YOU.

Goro somehow gets together with Ichigo. We do not get to see how/whether he won he over. Given that the final episode includes multiple scenes of her really missing Hiro along with a scene of her not caring much that Goro is going to travel the world without her (repeatedly), it comes off as though Itchy settled for Goro because he was the best available penis. I AM NOT ENDEARED.

We are also told that Goro has “really changed’ since the beginning of the series. There is no evidence to back this statement up. In fact, he is acting exactly the same in this scene as he always has. Granted, he had a moment in the previous episode where he got pissed and punched Hiro, and that was a big change... but he apologized and it’s not discussed again, so um. Huh. The thing that seems to be a sign of his “change” is his desire to go out alone into the world in an act of self-sacrifice for the good of everyone. Which is LITERALLY THE GORO WE’VE ALWAYS KNOWN. File his change under “informed attributes.”

By the end of the series, Hiro is full-on turning more into a Klaxosapien than a human because... honestly, I’m not sure. It’s possible it’s because he’s been “plugged into” Zero-Two, but it seems like the process is mostly done by then, because he’s immediately able to live without food or water or sleep once he plugs in, and he already had his horns glow with rage in the ep previous to this. So I think he transformed due to the fact that one time, as a kid, he licked Zero-Two’s blood, and as a teen, he’s kissed her a bunch of times. Which is... pretty goddamn extreme. I mean, I know fluid transfer can be a powerful experience — just ask Sandra Bullock — but this is some real next-level shit.

We waited all series for shit to “get real” and someone in Squad 13 to die. It takes until the very last episode for it to happen, and — in a desperate bid to make us care about what’s happening — it’s the two characters who got the most development and who most people care about. The two leads. Which comes off as too little, too late for me to even feel it, seeing as how they’re only vaguely human or relatable by this point. But I AM weirdly bitter that they kept alive everyone else, even the many people we didn’t give much of a shit about (Zorome? Miku?), so that none of the battles in the series EVER had to have real consequences for our heroes. I hate to sound bloodthirsty, and yet....

Hey, speaking of Zorome, remember how him being exposed to the “adult” in the first half of the show made her get sick? Remember how she was also immediately fascinated by and kind to him and it made you wonder how that would affect the other adults? None of this goes anywhere, because the adults all get spirited away as souls to be part of the VIRM hive-mind, so whatever, they’re gone now.

Why are these people all standing around a statue and screaming at the sky and praying? Most of them don’t even know who this girl was. This doesn’t come off as “moving” so much as a terrifying parable about religious fanaticism in cult groups. You see a group of people screaming and praying at idols you don’t understand, and gradually, more and more people just copy the behavior without understanding it. *shiver*

Was there EVER a hint that the adults watching over the squad were friggin’ IMMORTAL?! Because I don’t think there was. I’d need to go way back into earlier episodes to be sure, though.

It’s not that the ENTIRE back half of the show is awful, really. There are some legitimately excellent moments.

Good Stuff

Right when we first come back after episode 15′s big midway point in the story, the subtle way that Zero-Two discovering the gray hair on Miku’s head was handled - during a warm, lighthearted scene to boot - really made it hit home.

The overt anger and defiance of Hiro in the face of “Papa” and APE really made me like him even more. He had some great moments there, including possibly the greatest episode-ending dialogue when he declared just how fucking DONE they all are with their so-called “Papa.”

Zorome’s inability to fully embrace the idea that “Papa” could be so wrong and bad was another good touch.

The big “backstory” episode served to make me really care for Dr. Franxx in a surprise late-game twist. He goes from being a shadowy sinister presence to becoming one of the more sympathetic characters... right before getting killed shortly thereafter.

The big promise scene between Zero-Two and Hiro, where they swear to always come for each other... that one really pulled at my heart.

Also, Hiro’s dedication to caring for the ailing, zombie-like Zero-Two was both devastating and touching. It’s one of the final bits that actually hits any kind of emotion for me in the series.

I actually didn’t mind the alien twist with the VIRM very much like so damn many people did. APE was long portrayed as this unknowable higher power that was clearly hiding something while simultaneously enforcing a 1984-esque obedience and loyalty... and there’s only so many places to go with such a setup, honestly. Much more shocking, to me, is how little is done to build up to/justify the true origin of the klaxosaurs.

But, well, yeah. Like most, I wound up feeling like DitF had a couple of really excellent characters in the lead, and then proceeded to go nowhere worthwhile once it got them to finally be together. Ultimately, they didn’t even get to grow up or have real sex or face the new world. They just get shuffled off into weirdness and death so we can have a bigger cycle of disappointment.

This one has a lot of themes that feel unexplored, and maybe further analysis would make it all gel together more comprehensibly. There is definitely a lot of effort put into thematic hints and worldbuilding in the first half, some of it done in a subtle background way that recalls my favorite aspects of The Future Diary — a favorite anime of mine that ALSO admittedly fails to adequately explain some parts of the world it builds, but it keeps most of its logic intact and is so emotionally engaging that I ultimately went along for the ride and was willing to explore the background justifications and themes later in order to fully grasp that world.

In comparison, I don’t really want to put in the effort to glean the underlying details of DitF. It didn’t leave me feeling like the writers put in the work to keep me invested, so why would I?

[mulechurchyard-blog]

What I mean when I say Ex-Gay

“Because you see we boys are like that. We are more afraid of the medicine than of the illness”

                                                                                   Pinocchio,Carlo Collodi

Over the 2015/16 festive period I had two epiphanies: (i) I wasn’t gay and (ii) there is a God.

There was a gap of around a month between the two. During that month, I unpicked my former identity, and I realised that I had been had: the concept of homosexual identity is lie, and the way that the lie is maintained is incredibly complex and damaging. At first, I wondered how I could become a secular voice who could help people see what I had seen, but God had other plans. In a few short weeks he had saved me for Himself, and now I knew that my message would be so outrageous there was no chance of being listened to. I knew what I was like before, and there was no way I would have listened… or maybe I would have listened a little bit, secretly. I might therefore have read on, if just to be outraged.

Having crossed the boundaries between the two worlds, I realised there is a problem to which there are four parts:

(i)            LGBT people do not understand Christianity

(ii)           Christians do not understand LGBT people

(iii)         LGBT people do not understand themselves

(iv)          Christians do not understand Christianity

So, as far debate and dialogue between LGBT people and Christians are concerned, things were never going to go well. As someone who has now experienced both, this blog sets out to address that a bit.

First, to state what I do not support. A couple of weeks back, there was an episode ofRupaul’s Drag Race (which I find fascinating) where one of the competitors broke down crying as he described his Christian parents subjecting him to an exorcism to rid him of a gay demon. That is spiritual abuse. No one can change for the sake of someone else. We each have a cross to bear, and it is our choice in how to bear it. It must be acknowledged that once a child is an adult, then they are on their own journey. Whilst love and guidance remain essential, that guidance must not be authoritarian (in fact authoritarian parenting may have been part of the problem in the first place). It goes without saying that verbal, physical, spiritual and emotional abuse (including shunning) play no part at all. I will write about parenting fully, later on.

However, there are a number of videos doing the rounds on YouTube, where people speak of amazing hole-on-one spiritual experiences where some charismatic preacher lays their hands on them, and they receive the holy spirit and “over-come” their sexuality all the same moment. If that is true, that’s great for them, I suppose, but it lies well beyond the bounds of realism for most. Maybe there is a leap of faith so profound that these people do just change their sexuality through belief, but as Rosario Champagne Butterfield, a Christian writer who also came through homosexuality, says, expecting it to happen is really prosperity gospel territory (the heretical and blatantly untrue belief that becoming a Christian is going to make you well, and bring financial prosperity because God knows you deserve it). What if these individuals discover that still struggle with same-sex desire? Who will they talk to about it? What if they don’t talk about it, and then act on it secretly? Either way, I am afraid to say that the euphoria of discovering God wears off overtime. You discover that you still do get ill, you still make terrible mistakes, your loved ones still die unsaved and you do still experience same-sex desire after all. Relying on Him and trusting Him can become harder. God doesn’t remove us from Earthly reality, he shows us what it truly is and if we understand what He is seeking in us, rather than us just expecting things of Him, He will help us to bear its challenges. That is why the prosperity gospel is absolute pap. There needs to be more credible and accessible explanations and courses of action, for the sake of everybody including charismatics.

It seems to be me, that most LGBT people who come to faith in Jesus, certainly within the UK evangelical culture in which I exist, still talk about experiencing same-sex attraction and choose to be celibate (Those who say that they are following Jesus and actively pursuing an LGBT lifestyle at that same time, aren’t Christians and I am not going to discuss that particular issue here). So, we have the two basic Christian views that seem to float around in culture and imagination:

I)              Over-the-top, all encompassing, instantaneous, spiritual theatrics/histrionics

II)            Celibacy

Celibacy is problematic though as it just says, “This is me and don’t ask question.” Although the way of dealing with it is different, this is basically the same thing as that that mainstream LGBT community says, often with extreme defensiveness, and there is a big reason for that. The thing that LGBT people fear above all other things is self-knowledge.

Self-knowledge is terrifying, because through self-knowledge an LGBT person will see that the person who is hurting them, the person who is humiliating them, who is filling their body with drink and drugs at the weekend (if they are that way inclined), who is causing their mental anxiety, who is generating these feelings of exclusion and who is preventing them from taking their role in God’s created order, is themselves. The sinful world has told them a lie about themselves, and they have believed it. They have not only believed it, they have run with it and through forging community with other LGBT people they have created a self-perpetuating social force that tells them that change is impossible, and any attempt to change is extremely damaging or laughable.

As these communities have sucked men and women in to them, grown ever larger and gained influence, they have taken it upon themselves to proclaim all science and psychology that suggest that homosexual or trans identity is even remotely changeable, linked to other mental health/personality disorders or liable to damage the individual further, have been irrefutably debunked. But they haven’t. My own lived experience show there is profound truths in much of the psychological writings of the pre-“liberation” era that have been excluded from contemporary discourse with such vehemence, it is almost impossible to access them, let alone hear them be discussed with any seriousness. There has been such a force of will and pressure from the LGBT community that they have managed to suppress the thought that these theories could have any truth in them at all. That is because discovering the truth in them is terrifying as it shows them that they are far less in control of their own bodies and minds than they think they are. This terror is as real for Christian LGBT people and those within the mainstream.

We can see this process happening just now with the gender-neutral debate. Previously, no one believed this thing existed as anything other than attention seeking linked in with certain pathologies, but slowly the debate is being crushed. Maintaining the idea that there even is a debate to be had, is portrayed as morally abhorrent. People become afraid to speak out. This is “not even up for debate” stance inevitably seeps in and affects the Christian world just as much as mainstream culture. Hence, I am not satisfied with the celibacy answer, because I think those who pursue it remain within the lie when greater and deeper recognition of your God-created reality is possible. And if full change proves elusive, at least there can come a greater ability to understand same-sex desire/LGBT-identity better and struggle with it less. To all intents and purposes, I am still celibate, and I don’t see that changing in the near future. But it’s not because I am resisting same-sex attraction, but because I am still beset with emotional issues from the past and I don’t feel able to cope with a relationship with a woman (again I will discuss this further later on). But more importantly I am saved, and I am not living within a lie that places a barrier between me and the true nature of reality anymore. In some ways, it is exactly like The Matrix. The world Neo wakes up can seem one hell of a lot harder to deal with than existing within the Matrix, but it is real, and that is profoundly more meaningful that living within the safe confines of a lie. And in reality, the lie is not safe at all. It cleverly disguises it dangers. Addiction issues, mental health issues, suicide, domestic violence, loneliness, anxiety, sexual promiscuity and narcissism are all far more prevalent in LGBT people than they are in the non-LGBT population. Their unacknowledged realties are screaming out against the lie that is being forced on to them, and this is without even going into the more metaphysical realms of damnation and exclusion from God’s Eternal Kingdom that lie will breed in time.

Christian celibacy is better, but it is not yet forceful enough to bring about the culture change that needs to happen. Ed Shaw has written a book called The Plausibility Problem, in which he discusses the problem of presenting celibacy as a plausible lifestyle choice for LGBT people as they seek Jesus. I think it is a huge problem, and it will always remain a minority choice. I think there is a more radical solution that even the church is now too afraid of. God create man and woman to be together. LGBT-identity is a lie, and we need to stop contributing to that lie. We need to undo it. Same-sex attraction is an issue deeply related to LGBT-identity, but it is also separate as it can exist independent of the LGBT-identity. Likewise, same-sex attraction is a lie. It is not part of God’s created order.  We need to undo that too, rather than preach repression. The solution to both lie in language and how people and feelings are described. This process of re-description is deeply disturbing, often very upsetting and above all, terrifying. The road down which I have travelled in the few years has often been hard to bare; and I have found myself gasping with desperation “but who am I then?” To endure such mental turmoil and chaos, the individual must have security in something larger than themselves. Therefore, whilst I believe that coming to faith and overcoming LGBT-identity/same-sex desire are separate things that require separate processes, I doubt that the latter transformation is possible without a total reliance and trust in the peace, love and purpose that God has provided for us.

God and the goodness of his created order are the medicine, but Pinocchio is right, they do seem more terrifying than the illness, even when the illness promises death. That is especially the case when that illness is sin of our own making. So, my last word is this; do not be afraid of the medicine. Although it may seem bitter thing to swallow at first, it is very good indeed.

[lilthreadsclothes]

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[sarah-wants-to-write]

I Dare You to Love; Part Two (Star Trek AOS)

Shari has settled into her role on the Enterprise, and her friendship with Jim continues to grow. Days settle into routine, though it's thrown for a loop when she finds her friend in need of help. Help Jim didn't even know he needed and in the end, a truth comes to light that could change everything.

(A/N: feel free to ignore the subtitle in the gif. It’s the look he’s giving that matters~)

        It had been a few months since the Enterprise left Yorktown, and Shari wasn’t at all surprised to find herself busy. Day in and out, studying the records of previous planetary surveys that the Enterprise had done, along with her work with Asha, and the occasional away mission. Being the only high-ranking zoologist, she had been on plenty of missions. It didn’t hurt that most were with her new friend, Jim Kirk.

        Being friends with the captain definitely had its positives, both personally and professionally. Professionally, it meant that he trusted her judgment and actions even more than if he’d just based it off her work. Personally, it meant that she’d been introduced to and became friends with many people on the bridge. Spock found her work with Asha rather fascinating, discussing his old childhood pet I-Chaya with her in confidence. Shari gladly honored his request to not speak publicly, and expressed her sympathy at the loss of a beloved pet. Uhura was a perfect friend for fun talk, along with Sulu, and Chekov was like a little brother to her. Constant conversations in Russian, with Shari switching to Ukrainian or Polish when he was getting too…enthusiastic about something, just to get the kid re-focused.

        Of course, the rare occasion happened where someone found their soul mate, and shifted.

        It was the strangest part of human physiology, according to Spock, and Shari couldn’t help agreeing. Every human, and potentially half-human, had either an animal sleeping within their soul, or a song in their heart for their fated one’s animal. When someone was trying to find their soul mate, those with the animal within would hear from them, telling them yes or no. Some were more cooperative than others, from what she had heard.

        When a pair finally met, and the shifter’s fated one was in danger, the shifter would turn into that animal. Mostly predators, though some were larger prey animals that were scary when angry. Size also depended on the age at which it happened. When the shift happened, though, the shifter wouldn’t be able to change back without the help of their mate. For that person, they had to sing or hum the song in their heart, which usually ended up being a song that both in the pair knew, which fit the two perfectly. After that, the shifter would be able to change back and forth at will, to protect their mate.

        When Spock asked what determined which in the pair would be the shifter, Shari could only shrug. It was honestly something humans had speculated on for years. Sometimes only one person was the shifter, sometimes both were, and there were many theories about it.

        Each time a person shifted, Shari was immediately called in, just in case the person was injured and wasn’t changing back any time soon. Her gentle nature and firm hand had earned the lieutenant a reputation as one of the better medics on the ship, and most crew who were able to shift came to her for help on how to take care of themselves in animal form.

        The process of shifting what something that Shari talked about with Jim quite a bit whenever he came by her lab and office. They spent so much time together that he insisted she could call him Jim when they weren't on official business. Stuck there with her work most of the time, her dear friend came by to talk quite a bit when he could. Though mostly, he came by to say hello to Asha and spoil the levytsya with attention. Shari often teased that he only liked her for her lioness.

        “Well, not only.” Jim would shoot back, smiling as they both laughed. Most of the time, they did reports together, especially those concerning away missions they’d both been on. It was nice, having company, and always good for a laugh when one of her Ensigns came by with paperwork and jumped upon seeing their Captain on the floor with Asha’s head in his lap, just tapping away at his PADD like it was the most normal thing in the universe.

        However, today was somehow…different. Normally, Shari would have seen Jim at lunch, or just around in the halls, but she hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the man. Working in her lab, her back to the door, she smiled when she heard the tell-tale jingle and whoosh of the door opening.

        “It’s about time you showed up, sir.” She teased, keeping her back to the door.

        “Didn’t know you were expecting me.” Okay, that southern accent distinctly wasn’t Jim.

        Turning around, Shari was surprised to see Doctor McCoy standing there, with a slight smirk on his face.

        “Sorry, commander,” she smiled sheepishly “thought you were the Captain.”

        “Then I take it you haven’t seen him,” McCoy responded, more of a statement than a question “everywhere I’ve looked on this damn ship, I can’t seem to find the man. He’s either not been there or had just left.”

        “Is everything okay, sir?” she asked, concerned that their CMO was looking for the captain so thoroughly.

        “Our fearless leader’s dodging his annual physical again,” McCoy sighed “his usual antics, which he drags most of his friends into. If you see him, please try and send him my way.”

         “I’ll shoot you a message if he stops by here,” Shari agreed “and try to keep him here so you can actually find him.”

        “Even better,” the doctor nodded “thank you, Lieutenant. I’ll see you around.”

        “Of course,” Shari smiled, nodding back as he left “happy hunting, Doctor.”

        She could hear McCoy laugh a bit as the door closed, and chuckled a bit herself, before going back to her work. Though she couldn’t help her worry now. Jim seemed fit, so why would he avoid his physical? Sure, medical anxiety wasn’t uncommon-she dealt with it herself-but he seemed like the type who would do something he didn’t like right away just to get it over with.

        Not too long later, her door opened again, and this time it indeed was Jim.

        “Afternoon, Captain,” she greeted, smiling “busy day?”

        “Just making my rounds,” Jim replied, smiling back “how’s your work going?”

        “As interesting as ever, since it’s survey study day,” Shari declared, holding up her PADD to show the report “haven’t had many visitors, so it’s been quiet.”

        Watching as Jim greeted Asha, before settling into his usual spot so she could rest her head on his lap, Shari was even more worried. Jim may have been smiling and upbeat, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. Was it just a long day?

        “Doctor McCoy came by earlier,” she spoke up, watching Jim’s head shoot up to look at her with guarded curiosity “asked if I had seen you, said you had an appointment and he’d been looking for you.”

        “What did you tell him?”

        “The truth; I hadn’t seen you yet today. Wished him happy hunting.”

        Jim chuckled a small bit at the snark, though his shoulders were almost as heavy as the near-silence in the room. The only sound was the occasional computer beep or chirp as both of them returned to their work.

        “Not curious about why?” Jim asked, not looking from his PADD. Shari glanced at him, and saw that Asha was watching him too, with a twitchier tail.

        “I am,” she replied, looking back down at her own PADD “but your reasons are your own, Jim. I’m curious, but I won’t pry.”

        Jim hummed in response, and it was quite for a good while. Shari had decided not to message McCoy, deciding that her friend needed time to sit and relax. The question of why he was avoiding the doctor had almost slipped her mind, if she was being honest.

        “It started with doctor’s exams. Said that it was to make sure people were okay during the famine.”

        Shari looked up at Jim’s sudden, quiet declaration. He was looking down at Asha, petting her head, and pointedly not looking anywhere else.

        “Most think it was sudden,” he continued “a jump from coup to…but it wasn’t. That’s why he could get as far as he did.”

        As he spoke, Shari got up from her seat to sit on the floor near Jim, heart breaking as she put two and two together. She knew that Jim was a survivor of Tarsus IV, but she hadn’t expected to ever hear about it from him.

        “And after, I was in and out of hospitals for a long time,” he concluded, shoulders tense as he finally looked up at her “so….”

        “You’ve got more reason than most, then.” Was all Shari said, hesitating before reaching and putting her hand on his.

        “You don’t seem surprised,” Jim declared, eyebrows furrowing “I’ve never talked about it, so how did you…”

        “I did my homework, when I found out about my assignment here,” Shari admitted, smiling sheepishly when his eyebrows shot up towards his hairline “I’d always admired and looked up to you, and wanted to know more. When I read about what happened on…well, my heart broke, and I now really understand why you don’t like appointments or physicals.”

        The look in Jim’s eyes was strange, but Shari didn’t squirm under his stare. It was more that she felt…seen. Like he was seeing the real her.

        “Though you should probably go and get it over with,” she suggested, watching his eyes lose a small bit of the twinkle that had come back “the Enterprise needs her Captain in top form. Would it help if Asha was there?”

        “I honestly don’t know.” Jim replied, looking down at the lioness, who seemed to have the same concerned look as Shari.

        “Would it hurt?” Shari continued, watching him think it over.

        “No.” he declared.

        “Then I don’t see why she shouldn’t go with you,” she replied, shrugging a bit “I’ll go as well, say I have to talk to M’Benga, so Doctor McCoy doesn’t question it too much. Could say it’s part of my work with Asha, as a potential comfort animal in the Med Bay.”

        Seeing she was offering him the choice, and a good-not to mention truthful-cover story for the situation, Jim was surprised to find himself agreeing.

“Okay, let’s go.”

~

        To say that Bones looked surprised when Jim walked into the Med Bay was an understatement. Shari walked in right behind him, and Jim watched as she went straight to M’Benga to talk. Asha stayed right by his side, though, clearly as dedicated to helping him as Shari was.

        “Alright, Bones, let’s get this over with,” he told his friend, nodding over to a bio bed “want me over there?”

        Bones could only nod, getting his PADD and equipment together as Jim went over to the bed, Asha sitting on the floor right next to his knee.

        “Lieutenant Neilson’s work?” Bones asked, nodding down to Asha as he got set up.

        “You could say that.” Jim nodded, hand going to Asha’s head to help ground his mind. This was one of his closest friends, nothing bad was going to happen. Asha was here, too, as was Shari.

       Nothing bad was going to happen.

       That became Jim’s mantra, helped by the rhythmic scratching and petting of Asha’s head during the whole appointment. Once things were done, and Bones stepped away to log everything, Shari approached with a smile on her face.

        “How did she do?” she asked quietly, gesturing to Asha, who had plopped her head on Jim’s lap in contentment from all the scritches and pets.

        “She helped,” Jim admitted, just as quiet as he gave a small smile that finally reached his eyes “draft up the paperwork, and I’ll make sure Bones gives the green light on this part of your experiment.”

        “I’ll head to my office and get started,” she nodded, smiling for him “I’m glad she could help. I hope you don’t hesitate to talk to me about things, if you need to. I promise I’ll listen. It’s what friends do, isn’t it?”

        Jim’s smile grew, putting his hand on her shoulder and giving it a squeeze as he nodded, before Shari woke Asha up. She bid Jim and Bones farewell before she left the Med Bay, Asha by her side. Jim watched as she left, heart feeling lighter than it had all day.

        Shari was a good and loyal friend, a highly intelligent scientist, and an incredibly beautiful woman in Jim’s eyes. She’d won his loyalty and fierce friendship, especially with what happened that day. Jim would rain hell on anyone who tried to hurt her.

        Deep inside, the wolf in his soul had fully woken up, and couldn’t agree more. 

[nathanielwharton]

My 2019 in Pop Culture

Same plan here as usual. I discovered this as a draft from back in January that I hadn’t found images for yet. Posting it now, without edits.

Top Forty Things From 2019

45. A Town Called Panic: Agricultural Fair I made a last minute dash into the city to see this at the New York International Children's Film Festival screening (I ducked in, huffing and puffing, as the lights went down), but I was so glad I did. I love these shorts, and this one was an absolutely bonkers, madcap wonder.

44. "Gotham City Guys" from The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part I enjoyed the second Lego Movie pretty well, but I loved this song.

43. Finding Drago This is an Australian podcast about the search for the author of Drago: On Mountains We Stand, a book about Ivan Drago from Rocky IV. It was a delight.

42. Crawl I had a pretty good time with a bunch of horror movies this year. Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark made some good use of 3D realizations of Stephen Gammell's potent artwork. Ready or Not was a good cat-and-mouse with a fun ending to see with an audience. Happy Death Day 2U kept the comic frisson of the original, pushing it further into nutty science fiction, while slipping in some real emotion. But the one that probably gave me the most thrills was Crawl. An expertly nasty little piece of work, it efficiently keeps turning the screws up the the very end. Jesse and I remarked afterward that we basically alternated leaning forward with our hands on our faces and leaning back, bracing on the armrest, throughout the entire movie.

41. When They See Us Urgent and harrowing.

40. Mindhunter (Season 2) The rhythms of this show are so distinctive and engrossing. It's not exactly Zodiac: The Series, but it is fascinating in some similar ways and I hope they come back and make more of it.

39. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Season 4, Part 2) I might (okay, definitely) be underrating this final batch of one of my favorite shows on TV. Blame it on Netflix’s half-season strategy, and not on these episodes that were as overstuffed as ever with a breathtaking array of jokes delivered by a note perfect cast. I’ll miss if, but I'm grateful for those final moments. (The line "Your books make me feel safe” definitely made me tear up.)

38. They Shall Not Grow Old in 3D This documentary was fascinating as a look at the less-covered (at least in my lifetime) First World War, and it was AMAZING as a visual experience, watching 100 year-old documentary footage in such an immersive way. And the short documentary that followed my screening showing the process of making the film was worth the price of admission on its own.

37. Glass at the Shyamalanathon Few things can top the weird thrill of seeing the ending of Split before hearing even a hint about the ending (Jesse and I were audibly shocked and delighted, and then spent part of the credits explaining the reveal to the kids in front of us after they asked us about it). So I was pretty psyched for this one. I caught Glass at the end of a Shyamalanathon at the Alamo Drafthouse, where they showed Unbreakable, Split, and a preview screening of Glass, with a Q&A with Shyamalan himself. I had a GREAT time.

36. Amazing Grace I saw it with about 8-10 people in the theater, and folks were still witnessing with Amens and hallelujahs from the back of the auditorium. They were well warranted.

35. The Twilight Zone Revival I definitely preferred this to the last revival, and the hit-to-miss ratio felt pretty standard for an anthology show. Highlights for me were "Nightmare at 30,000 Feet," "Replay," and "A Traveler." Looking forward to the next batch of them.

34. One Cut of the Dead A twisty, surprising one-shot zombie thriller that reveals itself to be something much different (and much more charming) than you'd expect.

33. Star Trek: Discovery - Pike sees his future This season of Discovery had a number of really strong elements (and I'm super intrigued to see what they do with that setup for the third season), but the part that probably most moved me was in episodes 12, "Through the Valley of Shadows." Captain Pike (a wonderful performance all season by Anson Mount; definitely looking forward to that spin-off) is given a vision of his eventual fate, which we know from the original series, in which he is severely disabled in an accident. He is told that if he takes the time crystal from the Klingon temple to help save the day in the season's storyline that he cannot change this fate and is essentially dooming himself. And he gives the most moving, Starfleety performance in choosing the greater good over himself.

32. Genndy Tartakovsky's Primal This was a visceral, thrilling surprise. I caught the first four episodes as a screening at the Alamo and it knocked my socks off. The final episode of this initial run was also really rad. Pure animation.

31. Under the Silver Lake Seeing this one at a late night screening felt just right, as it creates such a bewitching, hallucinatory spell. As someone who enjoyed reading about conspiracy as a youth and recognizes but (hopefully!) avoided indulging the kind of solipsism on display in Garfield's character, I was pretty into this movie.

30. Missing Link This Laika joint was an easy lay-up for me (an adventurer helping Bigfoot to find a lost civilization of yeti? sold.) and it did the trick.

29. Frozen II It's not as clean a narrative as the original, and Kristoff's storyline is too sitcommy, but this still packed a lot of emotional punch for me, and I love that it's a huge Disney animated movie that interrogates colonialism and the way that our history can obscure misdeeds and trauma.

28. The Righteous Gemstones Another acridly funny and tonally daring series from the McBride/Hill/Green team. Loved this first season, and certainly excited to see where they want to take it next.

27. A Series of Unfortunate Events (Season 3) This show continued to be a really marvelous adaptation of the books and the adaptation of the final story (and the elements they included from the ancillary Snicket books) really landed wonderfully. I really wish Netflix had already announced the same team was doing an adaptation series of the All the Wrong Questions books (with Warburton somehow still involved as Lemony Snicket).

26. Klaus & Noelle Two streaming services served up two new Christmas movies this year, and I dug them both. Noelle doesn't quite pull of the same magic trick as Elf, but I found it charming and the cast (and the fact that it is set, in part, in Arizona) went a long way to endearing it to me. And Klaus was a gorgeously animated, very enjoyable surprise. Odds are decent that I pop both of them on again at some point next holiday season.

25. Deadwood: The Movie A bit of bittersweet nostalgia, a post-script, and an elegy. Just the right balance of warm and melancholy. And while the movie definitely didn't give us the Al Swearengen I expected, I was so moved by his story (and McShane's performance).

24. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Season 3) The obvious surface pleasures of this show (the costumes and set design, the snaky sinuous camera work, the charming and charismatic performances, the rat-a-tat dialogue) continued apace, while the storytelling continued to strike a really enjoyable balance between joyful wish-fulfillment and (semi-)realistic period exploration.

23. Adam Sandler & Eddie Murphy on SNL and in the movies The two biggest SNL alumni that had not been back to host (ever, in Sandler's case, or since he was still a cast member, in Murphy's) Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy both returned too the show that had given them their start and pretty much lived up to decades of expectations. Sandler came back at the end of the 2018-2019 season and it was such a warm, funny homecoming that was really funny without just spending the time revisiting his old characters (the travel agent commercial he was in was one of the best sketches of the season and benefited hugely from his performance), and a genuinely touching tribute to Chris Farley. (And he capped his year with a fantastic, nerve-jangling performance in Uncut Gems, which was a Safdie special, exhausting and exhilarating in equal measure.) Then, following his really galvanizing lead performance in Dolemite is My Name, showing how hilarious and wonderful in a dramatic role he can still be, in the last episode before Christmas in the 2019-2020 season, Eddie Murphy returned to host, coming in with the enormous expectations that would accompany his return to the show at any time with the recent example of having seen it done so right. And they crushed it. His episode understandably featured more of the play-the-hits style of character reprisals, but they generally had clever ideas for using the characters (Mr. Robinson returned to a gentrified neighborhood, Buckwheat was a Masked Singer, and Gumby gave a hilarious Update rant) and, best of all, Murphy brought the necessary energy to make it all work. On top of that, he elevated the non-recurring stuff like a great Baking Championship sketch that he underplayed to perfection, or a North Pole newscast that he knocked out of the park. Both episodes were a joy.

22. Doctor Sleep I liked a lot of stuff in the book, but I think the movie improved on it! I love Mike Flanagan's style of horror story anyway, and it was a really good fit for Doctor Sleep. And the movie does a remarkable job of squaring itself with the Stephen King and Stanley Kubrick versions of The Shining, including a really moving appropriation of elements from the original book and potent movie imagery into a surprisingly touching combination.

21. Stranger Things 3 The run-up to this season was so much fun (special ice creams and store decorations at Baskin-Robbins, a whole Fun Fair set up at Coney Island), and then the season itself was a big summer blockbuster blast that Katie and I spent a whole day on.

20. The Lighthouse This one lingered! Two great performances, a beautiful visual scheme, and a bracing spiral into madness for a story.

19. Parasite Bong Joon-Ho with another what-genre-is-this masterpiece.

18. Watchmen on HBO This was so much richer and provocative than I expected. A compelling and mostly satisfying sequel to a book I didn't much demand a sequel to, it was one of the best shows I watched all year and honored the original by actually being about something.

17. The Farewell A warm and delicate story that really moved me, with a terrific performance by Awkwafina.

16. Jojo Rabbit I've been on Taika Waititi's wavelength since Boy, and this one worked for me as designed, which meant that I was delighted and then devastated.

15. Apollo 11 Like They Shall Never Grow Old, there was such power to seeing a new, vivid angle on major 20th century history.

14. GLOW (Season 3) This season, with it's Las Vegas setting and it stage-show status quo, created a bunch of new dynamics and fun developments (the Christmas Carol version of their show was a delight) while continuing to deepen the characters. Love this show.

13. Dumbo I am generally a Tim Burton guy, but I was surprised by how much I loved this movie. And every moment Michael Keaton was on screen was a great one.

12. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker This was a weird year for Star Wars, with Star Wars: Resistance coming to a satisfactory (but disappointing compared to the previous two animated series) ending and publishing having a handful of fun tie-ins to Galaxy's Edge and Rise of Skywalker, without anything particularly standing out. And all of it was capped off with The Rise of Skywalker, a film that definitely suffers from a bunch of competing storytelling interests. But the big moments that need to hit all pretty much hit for me and the final moments on Tatooine especially got to me.

11. The Irishman We went to see this movie during it's special engagement in a Broadway theater, which felt like an appropriate experience for such an epic. Surprisingly funny and, in the end, almost breathtakingly melancholy, this was a really special movie.

10. Lethal White Another cozy, gripping read. The mystery was less nasty/scary than the last one, but it was still pretty involving, and I certainly want to see what happens next for Strike and Robin.

9. Toy Story 4 This felt truly unnecessary (and even kind of unwelcome) when it was announced, but it turned out to be a genuinely worthy entry. It hits or improves on the expected Toy Story elements (the jokes hit and the characters are lots of fun, and it may be the most beautiful Toy Story, with stunning widescreen animation), and Woody's story builds to a surprising and very emotional climax. Once again, I'd be happy if this was where we left the characters, which is no small feat for a movie that has to push beyond the ending of Toy Story 3.

8. Disney+ (The Mandalorian, The Imagineering Story, Forky Asks a Question, etc) I was still working full time at school and working on my master's degree this fall, so it's not like I really needed a new streaming service to spend time on. But this was such a fun thing to explore. The Mandalorian immediately became appointment television for us (if that whole first episode hadn’t have done it, the final scene would have). But so was The Imagineering Story (one of the best showbiz documentaries I've seen) and Forky Asks a Question ("What? No!" definitely entered our daily lexicon).

7. Once Upon a Time...In Hollywood I loved it for the hang out (I want to watch Cliff Booth and Rick Dalton watch episodes of TV shows together!). I loved it for the incredible tension of the Spahn Ranch sequence. I loved it for the wry wistfulness of the neon sign sequence. I loved it.

6. Knives Out Such a thoroughly great time. I love Rian Johnson's movies in general, but this might be my favorite since Brick.

5. Us I'm reasonably receptive to the "bigger and more rococo" sophomore film, so I was ready to respond to this movie. But it still really knocked me out. I love it for all of the great surface pleasures (scary "monster" design, tense scare sequences, incredible dual performances by Lupita Nyong'o) and I loved it for the chewy thematic ideas it teases at. Peele is two-for-two, in my book.

4. Little Women I was only familiar with this story in a vague sense (like, I am sure I knew one of the sisters died in the book, but I didn't know which one going in). But I LOVED this movie.

3. Avengers: Endgame For this big, climactic year of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I had made note to include the Skrull reaction shots in Captain Marvel (Talos and the milkshake being the top of the heap), and Spider-Man: Far From Home was as consistently delightful as it's Spidey predecessor, but it's hard to think of a collective audience experience that was more fun than Avengers: Endgame. It basically played out as a series of huge payoffs and shocking moments for about three hours, and between the laughs and cheers and audible sobs, it really ran the full audience-reaction gamut. Hard to imagine another movie building up this kind of steam for a big finale again, and it was pretty special to see on opening night.

2. The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance I was pretty excited for this show. The original movie is dear to me, I'd heard really cool, encouraging stuff about the show, and the trailers were pretty gorgeous. And the show exceeded all of my hopes for it. It was funny and exciting. It developed the mythology of Thra in cool, intriguing ways. It was absolutely dazzling to look at. It jockeyed for position with the number 1 spot on this list. I adored it.

1. Godzilla: King of the Monsters I loved this. I wrote about it at SportsAlcohol.com. I saw it five or six times in theaters. A full meal for my imagination.

Top Twenty-Five Things I'm Excited About in 2020

Godzilla vs Kong No question, I'm spectacularly excited to see this one. I loved all three of the previous films leading up to it, and the status quo hinted at in the credits of King of the Monsters suggests some directions that I really hope to see explored further.

Animaniacs revival & Looney Tunes Cartoons Here's hoping that this is finally the year we get to see the new Looney Tunes they've been cooking up (seems like HBO Max will be a good place to put them...) and while it feels like a while since there's been new word on the Animaniacs revival that's due on Hulu, maybe that'll show up this year too. Looking forward to whatever Warner Bros. animation we can get.

Bill & Ted Face the Music One of the few decades-later sequels that I've actively been wanting to happen. I'm so glad this finally happened, and I can't wait to see what it will look like. I love the title. I love the details they've shared so far. And I'm glad to have an excuse to watch the previous two movies in the run-up to this one.

West Side Story Spielberg finally doing his movie musical! And it's a great musical! With a script adapted by Tony Kushner, no less. Sign me up.

Muppets Now I don't know enough about the format of this show to know how excited to be yet (they're generally good at improvising, but the notion of ad-libbed shorts doesn't sound quite like the Muppet Show revival I'd really like to see on Disney+). Still, new Muppets!

The French Dispatch Seems like this one should hit his year after a festival run. Really looking forward to getting a look at what he's cooked up this time.

Death on the Nile #thirtyBranaghPoirotmovies

Onward & Soul Two original Pixar movies in one year! Super excited about this. (Also pretty psyched for another original film from Disney Animation Studios in Raya and the Last Dragon.)

MCU at the Movies I glad to finally get that Black Widow movie this year, and I'm certainly interested to see The Eternals, which has a great cast and sounds like another new avenue to explore in the Marvel movie world.

MCU on Disney+ As excited as I am for the two theatrical Marvel movies this year, I'm also pretty into The Falcon & The Winter Soldier and WandaVision. Now that my beloved Captain America has effectively retired, I'm pretty excited to see what happens to his best friends as Sam Wilson becomes the new Cap. And the word on WandaVision (that it's going to be pretty weird), coupled with the hints that they are taking inspiration from Tom King's run on the Vision comic book, makes this one sound pretty special. The Mandalorian set a high bar for how exciting these Disney+ shows could be, so I'm looking forward to seeing what Marvel comes up with.

In the Heights Hamilton melted my brain five years ago, and the trailer for this movie adaptation of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s first Broadway musical is so wonderful. Can’t wait.

Jungle Cruise Mulan looks super cool, but I've got pretty high hopes for Jungle Cruise. Jaume Collet-Serra is responsible for some wild genre excellence and I'm hoping he was able to bring some of that cracked vision to a big Disney adventure movie with the Rock and Emily Blunt. Sounds good to me.

Tenet Certainly looking forward to seeing Nolan return with another big, original genre picture with a great cast.

Dune Denis Villeneuve's last two science fiction films were aces and he's assembled a great cast here, so I'm hoping he'll do something special with this book.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife For as bad a taste as the ghost-bros left me with in their furor over the pretty fun 2016 remake, I'm loath to admit that I'm really looking forward to this. I liked the trailer, I'm excited to see the original characters return, I really like the new cast members, and I'm looking forward to a story with a different setting and everything.

Last Night in SoHo I like all of Edgar Wright's movies, and this sounds like an interesting change-up for him.

Star Trek on CBS All Access First up this year we know we’re getting Star Trek: Picard, and I’m particularly excited because this is a Star Trek that will be reaching past everything we’ve already seen and showing us a story set in the galaxy after the destruction of Romulus and Spock’s trip back in time. It looks really cool, and it’s pretty exciting to see Patrick Stewart playing the role again. Beyond that, we should have Star Trek: Lower Decks, which sounds like it should be a lot of fun, and the third season of Star Trek: Discovery which, based on the ending of the last season, promises to also explore previously unseen corners of the Star Trek universe/timeline.

Penny Dreadful: City of Angels I loved the original Penny Dreadful, and I'm pretty into the milieu they've set this...sequel? revival? spiritual successor? Pretty cool cast, too.

F9 Still really enjoying these big, wild, nutty movies. And I know my #family will be excited to roll out and see this one together.

Cosmos: Possible Worlds I loved the last Cosmos revival, so I'm really looking forward to seeing what they've come up with for this one.

Over the Moon Netflix is supposed to have a new animated film directed by Glen Keane this year, so I'm looking forward to watching it.

The Witches I love the book (and the original film version, for the most part) and I'm always rooting for Robert Zemeckis to make another stellar entertainment. Hoping this is one!

My Favorite Thing is Monsters Volume 2 Maybe this year!

Halloween Kills I loved the 2018 Halloween sequel, so I'm fully down to see the next two installments, starting with this one.

No Time to Die Daniel Craig’s swan song as Bond, this one has had some pretty rad trailers and a very cool director. Hope he gets to go out on a great one!

[claiternaitertw]

The Preserve (Prologue)

By International Decree, all newly presented omegas must be sent to the facility where they will be kept safe from the dangers of the outside world. The facility raises and educates the omegas in a safe and comforting environment. Then when they are old enough, their names are entered into the lottery. It's the dream of every omega at the facility to win the lottery. Winning allows them to leave the facility where they have spent most of their lives and to have a family again-one that will be able to keep them safe on the outside. But when a new omega is rescued from the outside and brought to the facility, the omegas will learn that nothing is ever as is it seems. *****************************************

“Oh my God! Danny, are you okay?” Isaac ran onto the sparring mat where his friend was starting to stand back up and thrusted an ice-pack into his face. Danny merely straightened, running a sweaty hand through his dark hair, and flashed Isaac his 1000-watt smile. He took the ice pack out of his friend’s hands and carefully applied it to the purpling bruise on his cheek.

“Don’t worry Isaac, I’m fine. I should have known better than to let my guard down around Lydia.” He winked down at his short sparring partner. Both Isaac and Danny knew better than to underestimate Lydia, as she was the smartest and most resourceful omega in their class—but Isaac wasn’t sure how she even managed to kick Danny in the face as Danny was almost a foot taller than her.

Lydia merely rolled her eyes as she walked out of the sparring room and headed to lunch. Isaac and Danny trailed after her, Isaac still fussing over Danny’s injury. “Isaac, relax. The bruise won’t even be there in an hour.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just hard not to worry sometimes. I mean, what if something like an injury or a face deformity effected our chances in the lottery? I just don’t want any of us to miss a chance at having a family again.”

Danny who was about to smack Isaac for insinuating that his face was now somehow deformed, softened and gripped his friend’s shoulder. “Hey, listen to me. A bruise is hardly a disfigurement. And the lottery is just that—a lottery.” He smiled reassuringly and ruffled his friend’s curly hair. “Besides, I heard a rumor that there’s going to be another group lottery soon. Lots of omegas are gonna get picked for families. And now that we’re eligible, I bet all of us are gonna get picked soon! Hell, I bet Lydia could tell you the exact probability of us all getting chosen in the group lottery.”

The tension started to leave Isaac and his face grew hopeful. “Yeah, you’re right. The timing may be up to chance, but everyone wins sooner or later, right?”

“Exactly. Now let’s get in line. I’m starving.”

The two boys entered the vast lunchroom and stood in line with Lydia. Once they reached the front, they placed their wristlets under the scanner and then waited at their usual table for their meals to be prepared. They always sat next to the east wall of the lunch room where floor to ceiling windows gave the omegas a breathtaking view of the preserve. Isaac loved looking out over the forest while he ate. Sometimes he would even see dear, and once what he thought might be a bear, flitting through the trees.

“Are you guys ready for the camp-out this week?” Lydia asked as a facility worker placed her meal in front of her. Even though all the omegas were taught how to cook as part of the curriculum, the facility always provided and served the omegas’ meals for them.

Danny’s face fell as he answered, “Nah, I can’t go. They’ve been having me take extra hours of that new language class every night this week”

“Oh, that made-up language you were telling us about?” Isaac teased. “Geeze Danny, if you didn’t want to hang out with Lydia and I, you could just tell us.”

“It’s not made-up! There’s plenty of textbooks that discuss it.” Danny argued indignantly.

“Oh yeah? I seriously doubt that there’s an actual language called ‘Pidgeon.’ I mean, who names an entire language after the lamest bird of all time? Come on, what are they really teaching you every night? Is it some top-secret way to catch an Alpha mate?”

Lydia just rolled her eyes at Isaac. “Please Isaac, leave the Alpha-baiting techniques to Cosmo. And it’s not ‘Pidgeon,’ like the bird. It’s P-I-D-G-I-N. It’s a language that is apparently only spoken on one island in America and actually has a pretty fascinating history.”

“Yeah,” Danny piped up, “and the facility says I have a really good knack for it. Supposedly my originals can be traced back to the island where its spoken.”

That shut Isaac up. He couldn’t even remember what his parents looked like, much less where his family originated from. Ever since he came to the facility, his omega classmates were his only family, and they would remain his only family until his name was drawn in the lottery—if that ever even happened. So Isaac could understand wanting to feel closer to his original family through any means possible.

Isaac gave Danny an apologetic look and then a sincere smile. “That’s really cool man. Maybe when you win the lottery, your new family will take you to America and you can find your originals.”

Danny smiled back. “Yeah man. That would be—”

Everyone’s heads jerked suddenly towards the lunchroom doors as the sound of vicious screaming spilled in from the hallway. The trio quickly ran over with everyone else to see what was going on. Isaac, being the tallest of the group, was able to peer over the heads of all the other curious omega who had ran out into the hallway, but what he saw there disturbed him.

Four facility workers were bickering as they pushed a gurney down the wide corridor in the direction of the medical wing. Strapped down on the gurney was a boy he had never seen before. He looked about Isaac’s age, but wore strange clothing that looked nothing like white linens that the omegas wore, nor the facility worker’s light blue uniforms. The boy was struggling to get out of the restraints that kept him bound to the gurney and was hysterically screaming at the top of his lungs.

“LET ME GO YOU BASTARDS! YOU CAN’T KEEP ME HERE! LET ME GO!”

“Smith, hold his shoulders down so he doesn’t hurt himself. Avery! Quick, switch out that IV! The anesthetic must have worn off!”

“What do you mean it must have worn off? He had the normal dose amount! I think if we give him any more—”

“Ow! The little shi—uh guy—just bit me! I don’t care what you think right now! Just put a new IV in dammit!”

“YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO KEEP ME HERE! I HAVE A LIFE! THIS ISN’T RIGHT! LET ME OUT OF HERE! LET ME OUT! LET ME—”

Suddenly the boy made eye contact with Isaac.

“Hey you! You’ve gotta help me! Please, you’ve gotta get me out of here man! You can’t possibly want to be here either!”

Isaac just stood there is shock as the boy continued to look around desperately at the omegas as he was wheeled by.

“All of you need to get out of here! You don’t know what they’re doing to omegas! You have to escape! Get out of here! We all have to…have to…get…out—”

The boy’s head thumped back onto the gurney as the anesthetic began to take effect.

Isaac backed into the lunchroom shaking as the boy was wheeled away to the medical wing. He had never seen anything like that before in his life. Isaac couldn’t process why the boy was screaming like that. Was there something wrong with him? And who was he? Isaac had been at the facility for most of his life, and while he didn’t know every omega and facility worker personally, he thought he at least knew every face.

He startled when Danny put his hand on his shoulder. He and Lydia looked concerned, but before they could say anything, a familiar voice boomed over the lunchroom.

“EVERYONE PLEASE CALM DOWN AND TAKE A SEAT.”

Isaac looked up to the see the Director standing at the doors of the lunchroom. She was the top beta who ran the facility and only ever appeared in person to make important announcements. So naturally everyone quickly found a seat and quieted down to listen.

“I am deeply sorry you all had to witness that.” The Director began. “I know that must have been upsetting, but I assure you, the boy will be just fine. His name is Stiles and he is an unmated omega, same as all of you. He was recently found living on the outside but we were able to rescue him and relocate him to the safety of the facility.”

The room filled with gasps and murmurs. The boy was an omega living outside the facility?! Not only was it illegal to keep unmated omegas on the outside, but it was extremely dangerous for them. Isaac was amazed the boy—Stiles—was still in one piece and unmated.

The Director cleared her throat for attention and continued. “As you saw, this has been a frightening and stressful experience for Stiles. I can only imagine the manipulation and fear he’s been subjected to while living on the outside, and it may take a while for him to feel comfortable around so many new people in his new home. Therefore, I want all of you to make him feel welcome and help make his transition into life here at the facility as easy as possible.

“Now, on to more happy news. I was going announce this at the end of the week, but there’s no reason to wait now. The system has recently informed us that an Indiv Lotto winner has been selected. It is my honor to announce that the lucky winner is…Mr. Danny M of Class 23!”

“Oh my God, Danny! That’s you!” Isaac scrambled to give his best friend a hug.

“Congratulations Danny!” Lydia cried as she shook Danny’s hand.

Everyone around them was cheering and clapping as they celebrated Danny’s fortune. He would be leaving the facility. He would finally have a family again.

Danny smiled at everyone and Isaac realized he may never see that smile again. Who knew where Danny’s new family was going to live, or if Isaac was ever even going to win the lottery. He may end up living in the facility for the rest of his life.

Isaac thought of Stiles and how desperate he was to get away from the facility. What was it actually like on the outside? Going by how desperate the new omega was to get away from the facility, Isaac figured the people keeping him on the outside must have lied and manipulated him so he wouldn’t want to escape. Why else would an unmated omega want to leave the comfort and safety of the facility just to go back to the dangers of the outside. Isaac shuddered at the thought. Maybe it would be better if he never won the lottery.

But then he looked at how happy Danny was. Danny was going to the outside, but he wouldn’t be alone. He would have a real family again. That’s what the lottery is all about after all.

Making up his mind, Isaac pulled his friend back into a tight hug and whispered “I’m so happy for you, but I’m going to miss you so much. As soon as I win the lottery I will find you again. No matter what.”

Danny flashed his 1000-watt smile and winked. “I’m counting on it. See you on the other side.”

[thecreativeseries]

Interview With Wildlife Photographer Kristin Campbell

Californian Wildlife Photographer @kristincampbell

Firstly, can you start with a little bit about yourself and when you started your photography career?

My name is Kristin, I am 33 years old and currently living in Orange County, California with my husband. While he is busy building rockets for the next generation of space flight, I spend my days buzzing around the Pacific Ocean looking for whales. I currently work as a guide and wildlife photographer for an ecotourism company called Newport Coastal Adventure.

For me, photography began as a research tool and has quickly grown into a passion. With my degree in marine science, I have been fortunate to work on several scientific projects including joining NOAA’s Marine Mammal Laboratory in the Aleutian Islands of Alaska to conduct fieldwork. In the field, I use cameras to document orca behaviour in and around Steller sea lion rookeries to better understand predation pressures. The objective was simple: point, shoot, and catalogue. Only after I became a guide two years ago did I start to use photography as more than just a research tool. By photographing marine wildlife while guiding out on the water each day, I was able to quickly learn professional camera systems and start getting creative with my images.

What equipment do you use to create your images and why did you select it?

I use a Canon 5D Mark IV and Canon 100-400mm lens. I also use a DJI Phantom 4 Pro v2.0 drone. Almost all of my photography involves freezing motion. Canon’s professional cameras and lenses have a long history of being ideal for wildlife photographers. I have put my Canon system to the test and am continually happy with its performance. Drones are a powerful tool in viewing whales from a new perspective. There have been many times where I have been observing a whale at the surface only to see its methodical breathing. After launching my drone I was shocked to see it swirling with dolphins, a behaviour I could not have seen without an aerial view. This aerial perspective also allows me to view the entire whale, rather than just segments of it as it surfaces.

How do you prepare before going for a shoot?

I am very lucky to be able to work on the ocean daily and all of my shooting occurs during our whale watching tours. My primary duties are to educate our passengers about the wildlife they are seeing, so I keep my camera close by and shoot when I can. I spend 8 to 10 hours a day exposed to the ocean’s many moods and shoot in all weather conditions. My gear is contained in one pelican case that has withstood 20-knot winds, surging ocean swell, and waves of saltwater.

The best way for me to prepare each day is to stay aware of my surroundings and an animal’s behaviour. Whales and dolphins only surface for a brief moment and they can do interesting behaviours in a split second. Being able to read an animal’s behaviour and react fast when they are about to do something interesting is imperative to capture those fleeting moments. You never know what is going to happen out in the big blue so you best pay attention!

You have a huge passion for whales, what is it about these majestic creatures that light you up?

During college, I worked in a Natural History Museum. While there I spent a lot of time cataloguing and looking at the bones of wild animals in the mammalogy collection. I conducted research on the cranial morphology (skull shape) of sea otters and how it affects their dietary ecology. I have always been fascinated by the skeletal adaptations marine mammals have to their extreme environment. For example, their elongated hand bones are formed into flippers and their fusiform body shape allows them to swiftly move through the water. Their form and shape is a unique design for aquatic life.

I distinctly remember walking through the museum’s whale warehouse filled with the skulls, ribs, and bones of these massive leviathans. So much of these animals lives are a complete mystery to us. They live in another world where eyesight, a sense humans completely depend on, is obsolete. Whales and dolphins rely more on sound to find food, communicate, and even navigate. I love the mystery of their lives and spend my days observing them. Each time I see them I hope to unlock a few more of their secrets.

How would you describe your current photographic style?

I would describe my style as artistic wildlife photography. My interest in form and anatomy has definitely influenced my artistic view of animals. I prefer minimal backgrounds to focus on the shape and physical features of my subject. I try to maintain continuity in my editing style so multiple species can be compared to one another and their uniqueness brought to light. An example of this is the top-down headshot of Blue, Fin, Sei, and Bryde’s whales often seen in my imagery. These whales are easily confused for one another out on the ocean, but an aerial perspective reveals the characteristics that make them unique.

My dark tones may contradict the sunny Southern California sunshine, however, they reflect the world in which whales live and the mystery that surrounds their lives. Light struggles to penetrate the depths of the ocean and thus whales live a majority of their lives in a darker world.

Which photographers have inspired your journey and why?

I view photography as a lifelong pursuit and one I hope to never master. No matter what level of photographer you are, there is always more to learn. My photography career is in its infancy and I have relied heavily on my peers to learn and grow. So many fellow marine wildlife photographers I work with daily have helped me learn the technical aspects of my camera and editing software. Even though we all photograph the same subjects, we each have our own unique point of view.

I have a deep appreciation for many wildlife photographers and enjoy a lot of wildlife imagery, however, there is something special about underwater photography and the photographer’s ability to connect with their subject. Photographers who choose sharks as their subjects, in particular, have an incredible knowledge of shark behaviour and appreciation for them as apex predators. James Ferrara’s images show that interaction between free diver and shark (@jferraragallery). Darren Jew (@darrenjew) and Jasmine Carey (@pxlexplorer) both capture incredibly stunning underwater images of whales that I find myself endlessly scrolling through. I imagine myself looking into the image as if beside them, sharing that moment with a swirling humpback whale or powerful orca. I love the minimalism in their underwater imagery and try to emulate that in my own images as well. I have incredible respect for the education, preparation, and time invested in their craft. A single image likely took hours of preparation and a team of support. It is easy for people to overlook that aspect of their photography when quickly consuming it on social media. I have a great appreciation for the process of photography. The image you are left with is simply a memento from an incredible encounter.

What has been your proudest body of work to date?

My photography career is quite young, however it is pleasing to know my images can contribute to our understanding of whales through the scientific community. This may include identifying an entangled whale in need of rescue or documenting a unique species or behavior rarely seen. Photography has been and will continue to be an incredibly powerful, non-invasive tool to help us understand whales and dolphins. I also hope my images inspire people to seek the ocean and to see these beautiful animals for themselves.

As a wildlife photographer what has been your greatest challenge and how have you overcome these?

Wildlife photography is built upon a foundation of patience. Wild animals are unpredictable and quite frankly sometimes just not around. I have invested hours on the water to be in the right place at the right time to capture some of my images. It is a fallacy to think at any given time whales are just breaching out of the water all over the ocean. 95% of the surface behaviours whales do is simply breathing. I challenge myself daily to transform a simple moment into a memorable image. That being said, all of this time invested is wasted if you aren’t prepared. That uncharged battery or forgotten memory card is a day wrecker out on the ocean. And I have learned that lesson the hard way.

Finally, do you have any advice for someone interested in a career in wildlife photography and working on boats?

In a way, I kind of fell into photography. I have always been open to trying new things and learning new skills. My best advice would be to focus on learning skills rather than being dead set on your dream job (especially if you want to work on boats). Be a student of life. Ask questions, volunteer your time to learn new skills if needed, and apply yourself during your free time. Stay humble and develop strong relationships with your peers.

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The perfect is the enemy of the good

Im home! Over the past two weeks, I drove 1625 miles across across seven southeastern states. I had a blast hanging out with readers, friends, and colleagues. Plus, it was fun to explore some parts of the country that Kim and I skipped during our RV trip a few years ago. Most fun of all, though, was talking to dozens of different people about money. After two weeks of money talk, I have a lot to think about. I was struck, for instance, by how many people are paralyzed by the need to make perfect decisions. Theyre afraid of making mistakes with their money, so instead of moving forward, they freeze like a deer in headlights. It might seem strange to claim that the pursuit of perfection prevents people from achieving their financial aims, but its true. Long-time readers know that this is a key part of my financial philosophy: The perfect is the enemy of the good. Here, for instance, is a typical reader email: Thirty-plus years ago I was making much less money than when I retired so my tax rate was lower. I sometimes wonder now if it would have been better to pay the taxes at the time I earned the money and invest and pay taxes all along rather than deferring the taxes. You can make yourself crazy thinking about stuff like that! Yes, you can make yourself crazy thinking about stuff like that. This reader retired early and has zero debt. Theyre in great financial shape. Yet theyre fretting over the fact that tax-deferred investments might not have been the optimal choice back in 1986. Regret is one of the perils of perfectionism. There are others. Lets look at why so many smart people find themselves fighting the urge to be perfect. Maximizers and Satisficers For a long time, I was a perfectionist. When I had to make a decision, I only wanted to choose the best. At the same time, I was a deeply unhappy man who never got anything done. Although I didnt realize it at the time, the pursuit of perfection was the root of my problems. In 2005, I read The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz. This fascinating book explores how a culture of abundance actually robs us of satisfaction. We believe more options will make us happier, but the increased choice actually has the opposite effect. Especially for perfectionists. [embedded content] Schwartz divides the world into two types of people: maximizers and satisficers. Heres how he describes the difference: Choosing wisely begins with developing a clear understanding of your goals. And the first choice you must make is between the goal of choosing the absolute best and choosing something that is good enough. If you seek and accept only the best, you are a maximizerMaximizers need to be assured that every purchase or decision was the best that could be made. In other words, maximizers are perfectionists. The alternative to maximizing is to be a satisficer, writes Schwartz. To satisfice is to settle for something that is good enough and not worry about the possibility that there might be something better. To maximizers, this sounds like heresy. Settle for good enough? Good enough seldom is! proclaims the perfectionist. To her, the satisficer seems to lack standards. But thats not true. A satisficer does have standards, and theyre often clearly defined. The difference is that a satisficer is content with excellent while a maximizer is on a quest for perfect. And heres the interesting thing: All of this maximizing in pursuit of perfection actually leads to less satisfaction and happiness, not more. Heres what Schwartz says about his research: People with high maximization [tendencies] experienced less satisfaction with life, were less optimistic, and were more depressed than people with low maximization [tendencies]Maximizers are much more susceptible than satisficers to all forms of regret. Schwartz is careful to note that being a maximizer is correlated with unhappiness; theres no evidence of a causal relationship. Still, it seems safe to assume that there is a connection. Ive seen it in my own life. Maximizing in Real Life

For a long, long time, I was a maximizer. When I had to make any sort of decision, I researched the hell out of it. I wanted to buy and do and have only the best. But you know what? No matter how much time I put into picking the perfect product, it always fell short of my expectations. Thats because theres no such thing as a perfect product. In the olden days, for instance, if I needed to buy a dishwasher, I would make an elaborate spreadsheet to collate all of my options. Id then consult the latest Consumer Reports buying guide, check Amazon reviews, and search for other resources to help guide my decision. Id enter all of the data into my spreadsheet, then try to find the best option. The trouble? There was rarely one best option for any choice I was trying to make. One dishwasher might use less energy while another produced cleaner dishes. This dishwasher might have special wine holders while that had the highest reliability scores. How was I supposed to find the perfect machine? Why couldnt one manufacturer combine everything into one Super Dishwasher? It was an impossible quest, and I know that now. Nowadays, Im mostly able to ignore my maximizing tendencies. Ive taught myself to be a satisficer. When I had to replace my dead dishwasher three years ago, I didnt aim for perfection. Instead, I made a plan and stuck to it. First, I set a budget. Because it would cost about $700 to repair our old dishwasher, I allowed myself that much for a new appliance.Next, I picked one store and shopped from its universe of available dishwashers.After that, I limited myself to only a handful of brands, the ones whose quality I trusted most.Finally, I gave myself a time limit. Instead of spending days trying to find the Best Dishwasher Ever, I allocated a couple of hours on a weekend afternoon to find an acceptable model. Armed with my Consumer Reports buying guide (and my phone so that I could look stuff up online), I marched into the local Sears outlet center. In less than an hour, I had narrowed my options from thirty dishwashers to three. With Kims help, I picked a winner. The process was quick and easy. The dishwasher has served us well for the past three years, and Ive had zero buyers remorse. A Trivial Example At Camp FI in January, one of the attendees explained that hes found freedom through letting go of trivial decisions. For things that wont have a lasting impact on his life, he doesnt belabor his options. Instead, he makes a quick decision and moves on. In restaurants, for instance, he doesnt look at every item on the menu. He doesnt try to optimize his order. Instead, he makes a quick pass through the list, then picks the first thing that catches his eye. It sounds silly, he told me, but doing this makes a huge difference to my happiness. For the past four months, Ive been trying this technique. You know what? It works! I now make menu choices in seconds rather than minutes, and my dining experience is better because of it. This is a trivial example, I know, but its also illustrative of the point Im trying to make. Perfect Procrastinators Studies have shown that perfectionists are more likely to have physical and mental problems than those who are open-minded and flexible. Theres another drawback to the pursuit of perfect: It costs time and lots of it. To find the best option, whether its the top dishwasher or the ideal index fund, can take days or weeks or months. (And sometimes its an impossible mission.) The pursuit of perfection is an exercise in diminishing returns: A bit of initial research is usually enough to glean the basics needed to make a smart decision.A little additional research is enough to help you separate the wheat from the chaff.A moderate amount of time brings you to the point where you can make an informed decision and obtain quality results.Theoretically, if you had unlimited time, you might find the perfect option. The more time you spend on research, the better your results are likely to be. But each unit of time you spend in search of higher quality offers less reward than the unit of time before.

Quality is important. You should absolutely take time to research your investment and buying decisions. But remember that perfect is a moving target, one thats almost impossible to hit. Its usually better to shoot for good enough today than to aim for a perfect decision next week. Procrastination is one common consequence of pursuing perfection: You can come up with all sorts of reasons to put off establishing an emergency fund, to put off cutting up your credit cards, to put off starting a retirement account. But most of the time, your best choice is to start now. Who cares if you dont find the best interest rate? Who cares if you dont find the best mutual fund? Youve found some good ones, right? Pick one. Get in the game. Just start. Starting plays a greater role in your success than any other factor. There will always be time to optimize in the future. When you spend so much time looking for the best choice that you never actually do anything, youre sabotaging yourself. The perfect is the enemy of the good. Final Thoughts If your quest for the best is making you unhappy, then its hurting rather than helping. If your desire to get things exactly right is preventing you from taking any sort of positive action, then youre better off settling for good enough. If you experience regret because you didnt make an optimal choice in the past, force yourself to look at the sunny side of your decision. Train yourself to be a satisficer. Ask yourself what good enough would mean each time youre faced with a decision. What would it mean to accept that instead of perfection?If you must pursue perfection, focus on the big stuff first. I get a lot of email from readers who fall into the optimization trap. They spend too much time and energy perfecting small, unimportant things newspaper subscriptions, online savings accounts, etc. instead of the things that matter most, such as housing and transportation costs. Fix the broken things first, then optimize the big stuff. After all of that is done, then it makes sense to get the small things perfect.Practice refinement. Start with good enough, then make incremental improvements over time. Say youre looking for a new credit card. Instead of spending hours searching for the best option, find a good option and go with it. Then, in the months and years ahead, keep an eye out for better cards. When you find one you like, make the switch. Make perfection a long-term project.Dont dwell on the past. If youve made mistakes, learn from them and move on. If youve made good but imperfect decisions such as the Money Boss reader who wishes they hadnt saved so much in tax-deferred accounts celebrate what you did right instead of dwelling on the minor flaws in the results.Embrace the imperfection. Everyone makes mistakes even billionaires like Warren Buffett. Dont let one slip-up drag you down. One key difference between those who succeed and those who dont is the ability to recover from a setback and keep marching toward a goal. Use failures to learn what not to do next time. I dont think perfection is a bad thing. Its a noble goal. Its not wrong to want the best for yourself and your family. But I think its important to recognize when the pursuit of perfection stands in your way rather than helps you build a better life. https://www.getrichslowly.org/perfect-is-the-enemy-of-the-good/