#ive said it so much but. there will ALWAYS be something compelling about guys at the very top of their game

[3416]

me when i say i love mcdrai and also will ALWAYS root for the oilers downfall... don't get it confused 👆

[cherienymphe]

Teenage Dirtbag IV (JJ Maybank x Reader x Rafe Cameron)

Warnings: NON-CON, DUB-CON, abusive relationship, domestic violence, violence (+ gun violence), gun kink, dacryphilia, attempted murder, mentions of blood, public sex, jealousy, manipulation, infidelity, underage drinking, drug use, canon ages, kook!reader

➥ banner by @vase-of-lilies | ➥ divider by @firefly-graphics

➥ series masterlist

summary: You’re charmingly spoiled. You’re too kind for your own good. You’re the princess of Figure 8 …and you’re way out of JJ Maybank’s league, but when he realizes that Rafe Cameron’s pride and joy is actually a bruised and battered damsel, he’s determined to save you.

Your rescue just comes with a price.

🎄 ༺𝓜𝓮𝓻𝓻𝔂༻༺𝓒𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓶𝓪𝓼༻🎄

~

“Oh! Well, aren’t those pretty?”

Your mother’s voice pulled your attention away from the flowers in front of you, throwing her a small smile as she neared you to admire them. You gave her the card when she eyed it, and you watched her smile grow, a fond chuckle escaping her.

“That’s sweet,” she praised. “Is Rafe coming by later?”

It seemed like such a silly question because you and Rafe saw each other almost every day, and your mother knew it.

“Yeah,” you sighed, sitting at the island and fingering a red petal. “He’s doing something for Ward, but he’s coming straight over when he’s done.”

She hummed, and you heard her fussing around in the drawers looking for something. Your gaze was glued to a rose, noting that Rafe got you red this time—your favorite—and you swallowed. It was always the same. Rafe would hurt you so bad that he felt compelled to make it up to you, the flowers would be delivered to your doorstep, your parents would gush, and you’d forgive him with a smile…and then the cycle would repeat.

You plucked a petal, rolling and squashing it between your fingers.

“It’s about time he starts getting prepped on all the family business, isn’t it?”

You glanced up as she took out a pan, her gaze briefly meeting yours.

“Yeah, I guess so. Ward has been asking him to do more things lately, and I know it’s usually work related, so…” you shrugged. “Only a matter of time.”

She seemed satisfied with that answer.

“Good,” she firmly said with a nod. “He can’t provide for you on daddy’s money forever.”

She chuckled to herself, but you could only swallow down bile.

“Rafe is upstanding and all of those things we want for you, but he needs to learn to make money on his own. We’ll never give him our blessing otherwise.”

Again, you said nothing, only looking at the stains on your fingers. Your entire volatile future being mapped out for you should’ve scared you beyond reason, and it sometimes it did, but in this moment, you only felt a numbness that was all too familiar. It all just felt so inevitable, so you didn’t see any sense in fighting it. With a sigh, you stood.

“I’m going to take these up to my room.”

“Put them on the table by your window, so they can get good sunlight,” she threw over her shoulder.

After doing what your mother advised, you turned to your mirror, intently staring at the face in the reflection. The fading bruise on your cheek was nowhere to be found under your makeup, and you were relieved that the same could be said for your neck. A deep inhale had your stomach aching only a tad, and you told yourself that Epsom salt baths could only do so much.

You rolled your eyes, lips pursing at the thought of JJ Maybank.

Naturally, you knew that this wasn’t really his fault. If Rafe were a normal boyfriend, you wouldn’t be covering up bruises with makeup and long-sleeved shirts in the house you’d rather not wear. You knew that Rafe didn’t actually need a reason and that no one could push him to do anything he didn’t want to do. Rafe was never the kind of guy to do anything he didn’t want to do. However, with all of that being said…

You really didn’t like JJ Maybank.

Some part of you knew that Rafe must have provoked him. You knew your boyfriend well, so you knew that without a doubt, but none of that changed the fact that you still had ugly discoloration from where Rafe had pushed you into his dresser. None of that changed the fact that JJ was the catalyst. Yeah, you probably shouldn’t have talked to him anyway, but you’d only been trying to be nice.

Trying to do the right thing.

You were pulled from your thoughts by the sound of the doorbell, and knowing that Rafe never rang it, you didn’t give it much thought. At least until you heard your mother calling your name moments later, and you were forced to descend the stairs in confusion. That confusion wasn’t eased in the slightest when you came face to face with Sarah.

She looked sheepish while your mother only smiled.

“Sarah’s here for you. I offered her something to eat, but she’s insistent that she isn’t staying long,” your mother said, briefly touching the other girl’s arm. “You tell Rose to call me. I have a bone to pick with her.”

They both chuckled—obvious that your mother was teasing—and you watched her disappear into the kitchen before resting your gaze on the blonde before you.

“I’m going to get something to eat at The Wreck. You want to come with me?”

You swallowed a sigh, glancing away and folding your arms over your chest. You didn’t know where this desire for a budding friendship came from, and you didn’t know how to feel about it. You and Sarah had only ever been friendly, and considering the company she kept, you’d had no desire for anything more. Being friends with Sarah just felt like a recipe for disaster.

“Sarah…”

She spoke up before you could, huffing and stepping towards you.

“I think Rafe treats you like shit,” she admitted, making sure her voice didn’t carry. “I know you love him and see something in him the rest of us don’t, but everything about you just seems wrapped up in him and…he seems very happy to keep things that way.”

You pressed your lips together, eyeing her.

“I don’t like it, and considering I don’t have much say, I figure the best I can do is be your friend. It’ll just make me feel better to know you have someone other than Rafe.”

Her lips turned up as she said his name, crossing her own arms over her chest.

“I’ve thought this for a while, by the way, and I just…” she shifted her feet, shrugging. “I don’t know. I just can’t take it anymore.”

With a sigh, you dropped your arms, and you knew that Sarah could tell what you were going to say.

“Come on! It’s lunch at The Wreck. We won’t be going all the way to Charlotte—Rafe will know where you are. He’s caught up with our dad, anyway, and they’re probably not going to be done until this evening,” she practically pleaded.

It was tempting, you had to admit, even if it did make you feel a little pathetic.

“I don’t know. I’d have to call Rafe and-.”

“You’d have to call Rafe, are you serious?” she scoffed before reaching for her own phone, and you reached for her. “I’m calling him.”

Your eyes widened.

“Sarah…”

Rafe’s tone could be heard even through the phone when he answered, and you felt your heart race.

“I wanna go to lunch with your girlfriend, and since you’re so uptight about knowing where she is at all times and who she’s with…”

The other girl trailed off as he spoke.

“Rafe, you’re stuck with dad for most of the day! I want to go eat, and I want her to come with me… Yes, just me,” she threw you a look at that to which you only looked away. “God, you’re so crazy, you literally treat her like a damn puppy.”

She shoved the phone at you, and understanding what was happening, you sighed.

“Hey,” you softly said once her phone was to your ear. “She just showed up here, Rafe and…”

“She said it’s going to be the two of you.”

You could tell by his tone that he wasn’t thrilled, right now, but you also knew it wasn’t just from Sarah and her antics. Rafe felt cornered. It wouldn’t look good for him to forbid you from going, and if he convinced you to give Sarah some piss poor excuse, she’d likely just ignore it. There wasn’t much you and Rafe agreed on, but you did admit that Sarah Cameron often got her way.

You heard Rafe mutter under his breath, and you didn’t doubt he was cursing Sarah’s name.

“I don’t see why she’s hellbent on butting into your life all of a sudden…”

His tone didn’t make you enthusiastic, and when your eyes met Sarah’s, they looked hopeful. You didn’t really understand why Sarah was taking so much interest in befriending you. You heard her reasoning, of course, but this was new territory, and you didn’t know how to handle it. However, you decided that it didn’t matter. Your boyfriend’s sister wanted to have lunch with you, and if it would satisfy her then so be it.

Pulling your lip between your teeth, you told Rafe something you knew he’d like to hear.

“While I have you, I wanted to thank you for the flowers.”

You heard him exhale, and you didn’t need to be with him to know the look on his face. It was the look he often wore whenever he brought you flowers—a mix of smugness and triumph with that small smirk dancing along his lips. Rafe cared about being seen as the perfect boyfriend, but he also cared about your complicity just as much. If he could placate you after a really bad fight, then he could prevent the rare backlash.

The last time you’d threatened to leave Rafe after one of the worser fights was half a year ago. The bouquet he’d given you then hadn’t meant all that much to you when you threw them on the floor. It hadn’t ended the way you wanted to but instead in tears and Rafe convincing you that you were just upset and needed to cool down. He liked to avoid that if he could.

“I wasn’t expecting red, and I was just really happy to see that. It made me feel a lot better,” you told him.

Rafe was silent for a few moments before sighing, albeit with an annoyed lilt. Your gaze met Sarah’s again just as he spoke.

“Just for a little bit. Not too long because I could finish up early with my dad, so…”

“No, yeah, we won’t be long,” you assured him. “It’s just going to be me and Sarah.”

“Yeah, that’s what she said. Let’s hope it stays that way,” he told you.

His tone was clipped, and although he didn’t say it, you knew that there was a silent addition to that statement.

For your sake.

With a nod and a soft goodbye, you gave Sarah her phone back. Her face was expectant, and when you told her you needed to get your jacket, she beamed.

Sarah had a pout on her face as she played with one of her fries, shaking her head.

“I just don’t get it,” she mumbled. “What do you see in him?”

The drive to The Wreck was far from long and had mostly been filled with awkward small talk. You couldn’t recall a time you’d ever been alone with Sarah for this long, let alone long enough to have several conversations. It was such an odd thought considering you’d been dating Rafe for two years. The more the minutes went by though, the easier the conversation seemed to flow.

However, you now found yourself in the middle of lunch and on a topic you felt was inevitable, to be honest.

Sarah’s gaze was questioning, and you struggled to come up with an acceptable answer. You couldn’t very well tell her that her brother was actually an abusive rapist who terrified you beyond belief. You couldn’t tell her that he’d threatened to kill you on several occasions. It wasn’t possible to tell her that, in truth, you saw nothing worthwhile in Rafe, and you’d merely accepted your future with him.

Instead, you managed to think back to the very beginning of your relationship when you actually loved him.

“He knows what he wants, and I like that…”

It was a trait you’d admired in him once, feeling flattered by how boldly he’d asked you out. Those were the days when you looked forward to seeing Rafe and whatever gift he had for you and whatever date he had planned. That was a time when you’d literally fall asleep on the phone with him, and these days you would be relieved if you could go several hours without even hearing his voice.

“He’s also very generous, and he looks out for me, and he loves being around me. He’s just…so happy when we’re together.”

Everything that came out of your mouth was no longer applicable to your boyfriend, but at one point in time it had been. Without realizing it, your face fell, and you picked at your food. Sarah had a thoughtful look on her face as she mulled over your words before taking a sip of her lemonade.

“Looks out for you,” she repeated. “I guess that’s one way of putting it.”

You threw her a look, and she merely shrugged, throwing her hands up.

“I’m just saying! He treats you like he doesn’t want anybody to come near you,” she said, disgusted. “His own sister wants to hang out with you, and you needed to call him for that? That doesn’t sound crazy to you?”

The frown on her face was deep, and you only shrugged.

“You know what he’s like Sarah. You know how…paranoid he can get.”

“Yeah, paranoid that you might actually prefer being in someone else’s company instead,” she scoffed.

You merely sent her a small smile, thinking that she had no idea of the half of it. Before the conversation could continue, two familiar faces walked into the restaurant, and you felt your heart sink. Sarah seemed excited to see her friends, of course, while you, on the other hand, only had an aching desire to leave.

When your eyes met a slowly increasingly familiar blue pair, you couldn’t stop your frown.

You glanced away, and when Pope greeted you, you only sent him a smile in return. Telling yourself that you had the worst luck, you leaned over to reach for your purse. Sarah was talking to the two of them, but when she heard the sound of your keys, the conversation paused.

“I think I should go,” you answered the silent question on her face.

You hated the way it fell.

“We haven’t even been here an hour. Do…?” she trailed off glancing at Pope and JJ. “I know that it’s supposed to be just the two of us, but Rafe won’t know.”

“Sarah,” your tone said it all, and she stood up with you when you went to pay for your food.

“Stay,” she practically begged. “Rafe isn’t here to be his normal asshole self, and you know I won’t tell.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about,” you mumbled, craning your neck for either Mr. or Mrs. Carrera.

By the sound of her sigh, you had a feeling she’d witnessed JJ’s conversation with Rafe that day in their house.

“JJ didn’t mean much by that. He was just stooping to Rafe’s level, wanted to piss him off.”

“Well, you can tell him it worked,” you said, throwing her a tight smile.

Her brows drew together, and she ran her eyes over you, concerned.

“What, was Rafe mad at you for that?”

“What do you think, Sarah?” you slowly wondered, fully facing her.

You could see on her face that she hadn’t considered that possibility, and her shoulders sagged.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I’m sure JJ wouldn’t have said anything if he’d known it was going to come back on you. I’ll talk to him, just please stay.”

You touched your forehead, glancing over her shoulder and quickly looking away when your eyes met the man in question’s.

“They’re your friends, not mine. I really should go…”

She perked up.

“Well, they don’t have to just be my friends-.”

“No, Sarah. I can’t be friends with them-.”

“Why, because of Rafe?” she incredulously wondered. “Do you hear how crazy that sounds?”

You ignored her when the familiar woman came from the back, quickly paying for your meals. When you were done, you only gave Sarah an even look, grabbing your purse.

“You know what your brother is like. Pope can take you home, right?”

You could see on her face that she wanted to argue this some more, a deep frown on her face, but you witnessed the decision to save it for another time. You weren’t stupid enough to think she was going to let this go. She eyed you.

“We’re probably going to John B.’s later, so yeah. I can leave with them.”

Preferring to ignore her mood, you smiled and thanked her for the invite. You said goodbye to Pope and JJ on your way out, thinking of just how shitty your luck was. You’d never put it past Rafe to drop in on you, and you didn’t want to imagine how things would be if he witnessed you having lunch with anyone other than Sarah…but especially Pope and JJ. You were just at your car when you heard hurried footsteps behind you, and you tensed at the sound of your name.

Unfortunately, the face matched the voice when you turned around.

JJ wasn’t close to you, but he was close enough to where you leaned against your car in an effort to put space between you. If he noticed, he said nothing, and you watched him run his hand through his blond locks. You didn’t know what he wanted and considering the last result of a conversation with him, you warily eyed him.

“Look, Sarah told me that Rafe was mad at you about what I said,” he sounded apologetic. “I didn’t know that.”

“Why? You knew it would piss him off. That’s why you said it.”

He frowned, glancing away.

“Yeah, but I didn’t think…”

“At the very best you knew it would cause conflict between us. Again…that’s why you said it,” you told him.

JJ stared at you, and you watched him blink, tilting his head.

“Do you ever wonder why you have a boyfriend who loses his shit anytime you even so much as look at another man?”

You scoffed.

“Don’t try to turn this around-!”

“I mean, it’s the truth. You felt bad, you apologized, and call me crazy, but I don’t think that’s something he should get mad at you for,” he casually said with a shrug.

“Well, it’s a good thing you don’t get paid to think.”

You watched his brows raise in shock at your words, a budding smile on his lips. JJ crossed his arms over his chest, eyeing you from head to toe, and you felt something twist in your gut at his perusal.

“Are you always this feisty or is that privilege just reserved for me?”

Rolling your eyes, you turned to open your door when he spoke again.

“Look, I’m sorry, alright? I mean that…”

You hesitated, your gaze focused on your window. You stared at his reflection in it.

“I won’t say anything next time. Ever again, actually.”

With a resigned sigh, you accepted his apology, opening your door.

“There won’t be a next time,” you told him, glancing at him as you slid inside. “We’re not friends, JJ, and we’ll never be. Stop talking to me, I mean it.”

Your words held conviction, but you felt like JJ didn’t take them seriously. He only eyed you, slowly nodding as you closed your door. Resisting the urge to glance at him again, you drove off, only feeling relief the closer you got to your house.

It was the middle of the night when you found yourself in the Camerons’ kitchen, getting something to drink because sleep was evading you. You knew that you couldn’t be gone for long, no telling when Rafe would notice the lack of body heat next to him. The rest of the house was asleep, and Sarah was with John B.

…and so that was why you were startled by the front door opening.

You could tell they were trying to be quiet, but hushed tones and the shuffle of feet was loud to anyone who was awake—you. Blinking, and filled with a mix of curiosity and concern, you made your way to the kitchen entrance. It was dark, but not dark enough to make the three figures hard to make out. When you turned on the light, Sarah actually jumped in shock.

You could tell that she hadn’t expected anyone to be up, but even as she approached you, it wasn’t her nor John B. you were focused on. The blond with them looked almost unrecognizable to you, and you sharply inhaled at the sight of him. He was barely able to stand—no matter how much he tried to—and you could only pull your eyes away when Sarah whispered your name.

“I’m just here to use our first aid kit,” she told you, trying to explain. “John B. doesn’t have shit at his house, and Kie’s parents are so anal about JJ—any of her friends besides me, really.”

Once you gathered your thoughts, you blinked at her, shaking your head.

“It’s your house, Sarah. You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” you assured her.

“I know, but I’d just really rather not wake anyone up…and it’s also not something I feel like explaining to anyone.”

She glanced over her shoulder, giving John B. a nod, and you watched him pull JJ towards the downstairs guest bathroom. Your lips parted, and you looked at Sarah again.

“Is he going to be okay?”

Sarah pressed her lips together, and when she rolled her eyes, you could see the irritation and anger on her features.

“He always is,” she snidely replied.

At your concerned and questioning look, her face fell some.

“It’s nothing he hasn’t dealt with before,” she finally admitted. “His dad…”

Sarah trailed off with a shrug, and you swallowed.

“Oh,” was all you said, your heart sinking. “I’d heard things, but…I didn’t know it was that bad.”

“I just don’t get why he doesn’t go live with John B. or something,” she mumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. “Just because Luke is family…”

She sneered the man’s name, and you felt your frown deepen.

“It’s probably not that simple.”

At the look she gave you, you hurried to continue.

“I just mean it’s probably not that black and white for JJ. No one likes staying anywhere that’s bad for them, but maybe there’s a sense of loyalty he can’t shake yet,” you explained. “If he left his house for good, he just might end up feeling guilty.”

Sarah thought that over, eyeing you in the process.

“Maybe. That doesn’t make it any easier to witness this time and time again,” she sighed.

You didn’t say anything to that, unsure of what to say. When she left to join John B. in assisting their friend, you weren’t keen on retreating to Rafe’s bedroom just yet. You weren’t some professional psychologist, but you didn’t need to be to know why the sight of JJ and the confirmation of his volatile home life affected you so much.

The sight of his bloody and bruised face was unfortunately reminiscent for you.

Your feet made the decision for you, grabbing another glass of water before rummaging in your purse for some painkillers. Sarah was in the hall when you walked around the corner, and she straightened at the sight of you. The bathroom door was cracked, but John B.’s voice carried as he talked to JJ.

“Here, give him these.”

She took the pills and water with a small smile, thanking you. The moment was interrupted by JJ’s tone.

“I can stand just fine,” he sighed. “Just give me a minute…”

John B.’s protest was clear, but you surmised that JJ waved him off, getting his way when the door swung open. The brunette was briefly thrown by the sight of you before acknowledging you, making his way outside. The sound of your name in the air got JJ’s attention, and you wondered just how out of it he’d been to only just now realize you were up.

“Here. Y/N brought these for you,” Sarah told him, voice stern as she demanded he take them.

Getting the hint that he wanted a moment to himself, Sarah took a step back.

“Make sure he takes those,” she told you before going to join her boyfriend.

Truthfully, Rafe was the last thing on your mind as you looked at JJ. Now that his face was clean, he didn’t look as bad, but the bruising and cut on his lip still made you frown. You and he were so far from friends, so standing in the hallway while he leaned one hand on the sink started to feel awkward. You were just about to remind him of the pills and leave when he spoke.

“It’s the middle of the night.”

The observation wasn’t the most astute, and you frowned in confusion. When he swung his head to face you, straightening with difficulty, you didn’t miss the way his blue eyes ran along your face.

“It’s the middle of the night,” he repeated. “…and your face is caked in makeup. Is that one of Rafe’s conditions? Remain perfect at all times?”

You pressed your lips together as he popped the painkillers, swallowing them down with the entire glass of water. You couldn’t very well tell him that you’d spent fifteen minutes covering the bruises on your cheek and neck before coming down on the off chance that you ran into a Cameron that wasn’t Rafe.

“I forgot to wash my face,” was your simple answer.

Your tone was light, unconvincing, and you could tell that JJ didn’t believe you. You didn’t know how, but something about the glint in his eye told you so.

“I’m sorry,” you finally said. “About your dad.”

The blond moved to lean against the doorjamb, staring at you.

“Don’t be. I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t be,” you argued.

“Yeah, well, we’re both used to a lot of things we shouldn’t be,” he said, making you bristle. “I should’ve known better. After all…I know what he’s like.”

You didn’t appreciate having your own words thrown back in your face, doubly so because JJ didn’t realize just how much it messed with you. It was funny. When you told him that about Rafe, it made sense to you. That was how you maneuvered around Rafe and so you just wanted JJ to learn to maneuver around him the same way if he wanted to avoid his temper.

Now, however, hearing him repeat that about his own father just made you feel…nauseated.

“That’s not an excuse-.”

“Isn’t it?” JJ wondered, moving closer.

He held your gaze, and the look in his eyes had you biting the inside of your cheek. You couldn’t stop your frown, nostrils flaring at the words he silently threw at you. He didn’t say them, but he didn’t need to.

“That’s different,” you argued.

JJ frowned, head tilted in confusion.

“How so? My dad’s an asshole, Rafe’s an asshole,” he drawled. “Now, Rafe may not be a physically abusive asshole, but walking on tippy toes around him just to navigate his shitty personality isn’t exactly healthy.”

You stumbled back when JJ took another step towards you, lips parting when he cut you off.

“You can’t even have lunch with his sister without the fear of some guy that isn’t Rafe crashing the date…because you know he would just fly off the handle.”

You swallowed down your anger and annoyance at how right he was, glancing away with a huff.

“You don’t know anything about my relationship.”

“I know enough,” he fired back with a smirk.

When your back grazed the wall, it was then that you realized just how close he was. The bruising on his face looked so much scarier this close, and your eyes traced the blood on his lip. Your heartbeat was uneven at his close proximity, and you pressed yourself further into the wall. JJ’s eyes flitted between your own, and when you swallowed, they zeroed in on the action, gaze lingering on your throat.

“I know that if I kissed you, right now…” you sharply inhaled at that. “You wouldn’t tell Rafe…and not because you don’t want to hurt him…”

You slapped his hand way when it reached for your chin.

“…but because you’re fucking terrified of him.”

You furiously blinked, struggling to respond to that.

“You’re an asshole,” was all you could muster up with a frown, voice trembling.

JJ only softly chuckled to himself, nodding.

“Assholes are your type, so that doesn’t sting the same coming from you.”

Pushing your way out from in between him and the wall, you stomped away. You refused to look at him when he thanked you for the drugs, fighting to ignore the goosebumps along your arms underneath Rafe’s shirt.

[thefutureiswhat]

My (brutally honest) thoughts on Fargo 5.10

I was gonna wait awhile to write up my thoughts, but my mind is racing and I've had too much caffeine, so here goes nothing...

Gonna be real here, my reaction on first watch was major disappointment. Going into the finale, this season was neck and neck with 3 as my overall favorite, and I felt like this episode ruined that.

Basically as soon as Witt died I checked out. I don't usually say this about fictional characters because I feel like it often misses the point, but he deserved better. And that death was so ridiculously preventable. Roy refuses to drop the knife, is basically telling Witt he's gonna kill him, Witt has a gun... JUST SHOOT HIM!

The moment with Gator and Dot just didn't feel earned to me. This guy breaks into your house, threatens your family, refuses to help you when you're being held hostage, says he hopes you die... and you're gonna bring him cookies in jail?

Nothing after the scene with Dot in the back of the car is real life, and I'm shocked that more people don't realize this.

The FBI drives Dot to her burned-down house that doesn't even look that damaged despite firefighters still "extinguishing the embers" the next morning, instead of... I don't know... a hospital? Lorraine's house? That woman needs an IV!

After the time jump... it's the height of the pandemic (the era Hawley said he wanted to avoid) but no one's wearing masks or distancing; Scotty is wearing pink; lactose-intolerant Wayne is eating sour cream, cheddar, and buttermilk; Dot is wearing clothes (yellow cardigan, plaid coat) that shouldn't have survived the fire.

Also the title is "Bisquik" (not "Bisquick") for a reason.

That entire cemetery scene was the cringiest thing I've ever seen. It was like something out of a Lifetime movie. It was the most un-Fargo scene in the entire series.

Dot doesn't seem to know even the most basic details about Witt despite it being a year since he died and her being so distraught over his death? Did she not go to the funeral? Read his obituary? Talk to Indira in the past year?

Indira is taking care of Witt's cat? They barely knew each other, and he has six sisters! Wouldn't one of them get the cat?

Munch coming back for his "pound of flesh" in real life after his last encounter with Dot just... doesn't make any sense? Does he want to kill her? Why didn't he do it when he had the chance? Why isn't he doing it now? What is he waiting for?

That whole scene with Munch was just... too long.

Okay, I'll stop being quite so negative...

I'm still on the fence about the execution, but after looking at the episode according to @tdciago's "Gaear is the author" theory, there's A LOT to unpack here. I need to watch the finale (and the entire season) again to really solidify it.

Basically, I think 5x09 was about wrapping up the "justice for Jean Lundegaard" aspect of the story (which I absolutely loved -- that last scene with Dot and Munch was one of my favorites of the entire series), and 5x10 was about wrapping up the "forgiveness for Gaear" aspect.

What I love about this show is that it always strikes such a wonderful balance between compelling storytelling/character work and deeper thematic/symbolic meaning. I think this episode lacked the former and had a heck of a lot of the latter (deceptively so). So I'm pretty much split down the middle on it... like a car cut in half with a chainsaw. Kind of perfect, actually.

More thoughts/analysis surely to come.

[ckret2]

Ive only read one fic that dives deeply into bill being from flatland (flat dreams, though its popular enough, you probably heard about it from someone). And while i love it, im realy intrigued by your ideas cause its taking things in a widly opposite direction

Not only have I heard about it—multiple times!—I've also already had a couple of folks comment on my posts in a way that makes it clear they're assuming my headcanons are inspired by/based on Flat Dreams, rather than simply based on Flatland.

This is the first time someone's said they're intrigued because it's different from Flat Dreams. I feel like there's probably gonna be a lot of people measuring up my headcanons against the other fic they all know and there's not much I can do about that, so I appreciate hearing something positive!

At the moment I haven't read past chapter 2—through absolutely no fault of the author's own, it's pretty irritating to have credit for one's own writing & ideas be given to somebody else who had nothing to do with it, and it's put me off from reading the fic for now—but I have gone out of my way to get as thoroughly spoiled for the fic as I can just to make sure I'm not, y'know, accidentally retreading the exact same plot as the most well-known backstory fic in the fandom.

And yeah, by the sound of it, I just decided to veer off in a completely different direction from Flat Dreams right from the outset.

Between Bill's monologue during Weirdmageddon and "EDWIN ABBOT ABBOT HAS A DECENT IDEA" it makes perfectly logical sense to go "Flatland exactly as it is can be treated as 100% canon to Gravity Falls -> Bill is an extremely weird guy from an extremely repressive & controlling world -> Bill was trying to undo his society's oppression, went way too far, and became the villain," and get a narratively compelling backstory that fits perfectly with canon and does exactly what everyone kinda expects Bill to have done based on what we know.

However, it also happens to be a narrative that personally rubs me the wrong way. I don't think it's bad, and I still enjoy stories that use it—but it bothers me enough that I don't want to write it myself.

Conversational detour time! I've been in Transformers fandom for about 20 years, and—to oversimplify a complicated and protracted series of narrative reboots—over time, the writers of the franchise decided to give the evil villainous Decepticon army more narrative depth by stating that their home planet used to be extremely corrupt, oppressive, and controlling (you can safely compare it to 1984, Flatland, and a whole bevy of other dystopias), and the Decepticons rose up as a rebellion against the oppressive government—but then went too far, turned evil, devastated their planet, started conquering and slaughtering the rest of the galaxy, etc. etc.

The problem with this is the Decepticons are the antagonists' faction, which means the heroes are usually the surviving legacy of the corrupt oppressive government—and so for a long while you got stories with unintentional implications like "are the oppressive government and the underprivileged minorities fighting back against the government actually equally bad?" or "maybe if we let the most painfully oppressed people in society exercise any political power, their first instinct will be to oppress other people" or "sure, cops are bad and nobody wants a police state, but maybe the best solution is to find the nicest cops and put them in charge."

I say this as somebody who loves Transformers dearly, and Transformers does take some stabs at grappling with these moral issues. I don't even necessarily think it's always a bad idea to write a "faction fighting for a Good Cause goes too far and becomes worse than the thing they're fighting" story.

But several years of grimacing at the same bunch of Unfortunate Implications made me personally lean away from writing any story ideas that could be summed up as "—and attempting to fight systematic oppression made him evil."

So right from the get-go I was always going to avoid the most straightforward "Bill became a villain over the course of fighting Flatland's oppression" backstory—and trying to come up with something entirely different that still fits his claim that he "liberated" his "flat-minded" world pretty much guaranteed I wouldn't write a backstory that had much in common with Flat Dreams.

And from everything else I currently know about Flat Dreams, it seems like on most big plot points, I just sorta decided before I knew anything about the fic besides "it's Bill in Flatland" that I would do something different. "Bill gives me hella only child vibes, and that might make a good contrast to how the main cast all have siblings to help emotionally balance them." "I think I'd rather characterize his home world as less like a dystopian Victorian England and more like vaguely-modern vaguely-Western society—something that's easier for the audience see echoes of our world in than a satire a century removed from its context." "Bill doesn't strike me as someone who's good at making or maintaining friends, so with the possible exception of the Flatlander-looking guys I bet his Henchmaniacs are an ever-shifting gang of shallow brief friendships, so he's probably only known most of them a few years." "In the main fic and in Bill's backstory, as much as possible I want to introduce and play with new ideas rather than have major plot points depend upon plot devices we've already seen used in canon (for instance, ruling out Globnar as the source of Bill's power)."

I dunno what this says, except that two writers can take the exact same source materials and decide to construct a narrative with the exact same overall arc about the exact same character guided by the exact same canon quotes/details, and still come up with two wildly different stories depending upon the writers' individual tastes, priorities, and interests.

so uh tl;dr: yep I've heard of Flat Dreams; I respect its position in the fandom but haven't read it yet; based on what I know about it, I think I'm just interested in telling another story than Flat Dreams' author, and that's neither better nor worse but it is different. (And I really appreciate hearing "I'm interested in seeing something different"!)

[intertexts-moving]

ROSWEEEELLLLLL. ur p5 posting has captured me finally. ugh. i dont think i will play it myself (<< guy who is going thru a transitional period (AGAIN 🙄) and does not have time 2 get fully fully invested in a game) BUT. IM LIKE 80% SURE one of the streamers i watch has done a p5 playthrough. do u think this is worth it or is p5 the kind of game u have to play urself to fully experience..... gove me ur propaganda pitch i love ur taste in media and u have become the p5 guy 2 me

HIIII MAC BOUNCING AROUND AT U. holy shit im the p5 guy now.. this is also so exciting i would combust if u also got into it.

ok ok ok. i personally am a Terrible person to ask that bc i don't like rpgs at all unless im actively playing them (immersion thing feeling of agency within the game thing sorry ive been reading a bunch of game theory lately) BUT. p5 is very much a narrative-driven rpg, not one where like. actively participating in game mechanics & such is very important. i think that like. personally, controlling the protagonist-- deciding where to go on the subway, who to hang out with, what to say in conversations-- adds another layer of emotional interest but i don't think its Absolutely Necessary by any means!!! (it might b harder to get into just watching it though -- it was easy for me to get, like, 40 hours in so far bc i got immersed in it, u might prefer putting a letsplay on in the background during another task) i think i described it once as like. something like an interactive anime series/a game for if always really really wanted to go through the screen into cartoon or show worlds.

& i think it is DEFINITELY worth it to experience in any way!!!!! it's a really good game with a really fun & exciting & emotionally compelling narrative!!! there r so many really good characters!!!! i think ive said before but it draws on that very very powerful story hook: hey, remember when you were in high school & almost every authority figure in your life was a piece of shit & everyone hated u & u wished u could do literally anything about it? well what if u COULD. & does it really well imo-- all the main characters are mostly. teens in varying degree of stupid or smart & r really well written as such, with real consequences & weight to their actions. (also i think there r some characters u would LOVE.)also it makes my brain feel like pop rocks in a way nothing since snowchester has!!!!!!!!

[twipsai]

6 & 3 HAT TIME (bonus points if its something i said)

6 - which ship fans are the most annoying? flowercrown sorry. its just really not a compelling ship to me and i feel like people hype it up way too much. also ppl make Flor boring and human like no make her a weird thing ok. if youre not gonna make them both weird then why bother

3 - screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr worst thing ive personally seen is that snatcher hasnt moved on from vanessa. not from his trauma (bc like moving on from trauma is a very subjective and difficult thing) but SPECIFICALLY vanessa. like no he doesnt care about her anymore and loveeessss making people uncomfortable by acting like he does. hes joking and having fun why arent you having fun with him

also i always see people say that Alpine is the worst level and like??? did we play the same game????? the alps are literally beautiful, the best modeled area in the entire base game (AND it was crunched!!! and it looks beautiful!!!) and the platforming is so calming and it generally has my favorite story out of all of them bc of how much worldbuilding it gives and shit, but it also has such big unanswered questions that i feel like only i care about. like wtf is the lava cake!!! are we just not gonna talk about that!!!! you guys just dont like alpine bc it doesnt have any characters to make angst hurt/comfort fics about

[pesterloglog]

John Egbert, Jade Harley, Jaspersprite

Act 6, page 5283-5307

JOHN: jade...

JADE: hm?

JOHN: i think i just realized something.

JADE: what?

JOHN: THIS MOVIE FUCKING SUCKS!!!

JADE: whaaat

JADE: but you love this movie!

JOHN: yeah, i know.

JOHN: i mean... i thought i did.

JOHN: it's been kind of a long time since i last saw it. i really remember it being a lot better than this!

JOHN: but now everything just seems so cheesy and stupid.

JADE: but you were making such a big deal about finally getting me to watch it with you on your birthday!

JADE: you were going on and on about how i wouldnt be disappointed... but now youre saying you dont like it?

JOHN: i don't know. i'm trying to like it. i WANT to like it.

JOHN: i want to feel the same magic that was there all the other times i watched it.

JOHN: but i can't, because...

JOHN: it's just...

JOHN: not...

JOHN: good. :(

JADE: really?

JADE: i was actually kind of enjoying it!

JADE: its very silly

JADE: i really dont think its the kind of movie youre supposed to take all that seriously john

JOHN: but i DID take it seriously!!!

JOHN: i guess maybe that's kind of the point.

JOHN: i always thought all this hokey bullshit was legitimately awesome and compelling.

JOHN: what was i even thinking!

JADE: i dunno....

JADE: but people can change their minds about things

JADE: i think youre allowed to change your mind about a silly movie

JADE: i used to LOVE the squiddles show when i was really young

JADE: but as i got older i started to realize it wasnt as great as i thought it was

JADE: i was just too young to see how it was actually a flagrant vehicle for selling merchandise

JADE: and if you believed the conspiracy theorists it might have even been pushing some other dark hidden agendas.....

JADE: so i stopped liking the show itself as much but that didnt change the fact that i had a lot of fond memories about it

JADE: i still loved all the cute characters and could enjoy it on a nostalgic level

JOHN: well, maybe later i'll be able to rekindle some nostalgic feelings about it.

JOHN: but right now, i just feel like a dope for talking this up so hard.

JADE: what is even the problem with it?

JADE: ive just been watching this and thinking, yup, i can see why john was so obsessed with this movie...

JADE: its funny!

JOHN: it's just non stop terrible action movie cliches!

JOHN: look.

JOHN: i love nic cage. he is basically my hero, ok?

JOHN: but i'm kind of just realizing now that he is EMBARRASSINGLY BAD in this movie!

JOHN: he is just doing this corny parody of a southern guy who is down on his luck, and acts "charming" with his goofy accent and stuff.

JOHN: some things i used to think were so badass are just coming off as ridiculous now.

JOHN: can you believe that one time we were watching this movie, when he said "put the bunny back in the box" i actually high fived my dad?

JOHN: this time that line just made me roll my eyes.

JOHN: there's so much crappy dialogue!

JOHN: "cyrus, this is your barbecue, and it tastes good..." arrgh!

JADE: but he was trying to sound like a hardened criminal to win the trust of john malkovich!

JOHN: jade, please. it was a cheesy line, don't be so naive.

JADE: what!!

JADE: you spent your whole life worshiping this dumb movie and now youre calling ME naive????

JOHN: ok, i'm sorry. i guess in fairness to you, you have only just begun to climb the steep learning curve of this vexing and hypnotic film.

JOHN: but i am no longer bound by its spell, jade.

JADE: oh god

JADE: vexing and hypnotic??

JADE: its a movie full of explosions about a guy with a mullet

JADE: what is with you lately? you seem to be in such a crappy mood these days

JOHN: i am fine. this MOVIE is what's crappy these days.

JADE: oh bluh bluh

JADE: can we just finish the rest of the movie?

JADE: look you made us miss a whole bunch of stuff!

JADE: hang on im going to rewind it...

JOHN: who even cares what we missed.

JOHN: just cameron stupid poe in his idiot wife beater babbling some more southern home spun heroic nonsense.

JOHN: heart of gold my ass!!!!!

JOHN: everything dave ever said about this movie was right! i can't believe i used to think he was just trolling me.

JOHN: the stupid junkyard scene where cyrus makes a little model out of rocks and stuff, just so he could tell the criminals to surround some army guys and shoot them... that was pointless!

JOHN: and all this heavy handed scoring. oh my god. the music makes every little thing into such a federal issue!

JOHN: like... oh man, SOME MINOR CHARACTERS BEING INTRODUCED IN SLOW MOTION! dun-dun dun-dun DUN DUN DUN!!!

JOHN: there. now you officially know they are all badasses.

JOHN: also, i somehow didn't even remember dave chappelle being in this movie. he was pointless too.

JADE: whos dave chappelle?

JOHN: and you know the malloy guy, the dick head cop who we're supposed to hate, because of how he gives john cusack a hard time and makes asshole decisions with a helicopter?

JOHN: well screw that! he wasn't so bad. so what if he was a little grumpy? he was just trying to do his job. he had one of the best lines in the movie actually, which was another thing we were supposed to hate him for.

JOHN: what was it? about how cusack was probably out saving a tree and recycling his sandals or some shit? HAHAHA! now that i think about it, i fucking LOVE malloy.

JOHN: i'm going to rewind it to watch that scene again...

JADE: no!!!

JADE: dont touch the remote

JOHN: oh, and we're supposed to be like "YEAH" when cusack wrecks malloy's awesome sports car.

JOHN: but that was a nice car! john cusack shouldn't have ruined it like that for laughs.

JOHN: i know *I* wasn't laughing, were you?

JADE: YES :p

JOHN: john cusack was such a terrible character in this movie now that i think about it. i don't really get what he added to it?

JOHN: he was like the second hero... but dorkier? what did he even really do? he scampered around the junkyard for a while goofing off, and then when it was his time to shine...

JOHN: HE DEMONSTRATED HIS MASTERY OVER HEAVY MACHINERY! wow, he can operate a crane! i am thrilled by the exploits of this pedantic weenie.

JOHN: i guess he's actually like cage's estranged sidekick? almost like the robin that batman never realized he had.

JOHN: now that i think about it, this movie was always an oddly poignant tale of bromance between cage and cusack. just two bros separated by destiny, waiting to be united.

JOHN: when they finally come together to kick some ass, it is arguably more moving than when he reunites with his wife and daughter!

JOHN: i wonder if i'll think that scene sucks now too? it used to move me to tears, but now i'll probably think it's so lame, i'm almost afraid to watch it. maybe i should try to leave at least SOME memories untainted.

JADE: john you are kind of sounding like a crazy person here

JOHN: yeah right! crazy like a fOWWW!

JADE: what???

JOHN: oh...

JOHN: i guess there was a stray feather clinging to my pajamas and it just poked me in the ass.

JOHN: god damn dave sprite.

JOHN: that guy molts like it's going out of style.

JADE: oh...

JADE: heh

JADE: yeah

JOHN: where is he anyway?

JOHN: i specifically told dave sprite several times when my party would start, because i knew he would do this.

JOHN: he's already missed half the movie!

JADE: why do you always call him dave sprite?

JOHN: um... because that's his name?

JOHN: dave sprite.

JADE: no, i mean why do you always say it like that? with the space between words?

JADE: its not dave sprite, its just davesprite

JOHN: what ever.

JOHN: i can't believe he's standing me up on my birthday.

JOHN: maybe he doesn't want to hang out with jaspers?

JOHN: jaspers, i hope you're not going to start chasing him around again when he gets here.

JASPERSPRITE: Hisssss!

JOHN: dude, shut up.

JADE: yeah.... john

JADE: i dont think davesprite is coming tonight

JOHN: aw, man. really?

JOHN: i knew we shouldn't have invited both him and jaspers.

JOHN: that's just party planning BASICS.

JADE: no...

JADE: it has nothing to do with jaspers

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: then why?

JADE: he uh...

JADE: kind of broke up with me

JOHN: what!!!

JOHN: when did that happen?

JADE: a couple days ago

JOHN: no. no way.

JOHN: i cannot accept this!

JADE: john its ok you dont have t...

JOHN: you and dave sprite were like the glue holding everything together on this miserable road trip!

JADE: we were?

JOHN: yes, jade.

JOHN: you were our rock.

JADE: your rock??

JADE: what are you talking about?

JOHN: come on, jade.

JOHN: you and dave sprite were like... an INSTITUTION on this stupid golden battleship.

JADE: we were not an institution!

JADE: you are just saying meaningless things now

JOHN: why did he break up with you?!

JADE: um...

JADE: its complicated

JADE: basically hes just going through a lot of stuff right now

JOHN: stuff??

JOHN: what stuff.

JOHN: jade, we are all going through stuff. you don't see me flying off the handle and breaking up with MY girlfriend.

JADE: do uh...

JADE: you have a girlfriend?

JOHN: that is not the point.

JOHN: the point is that dave sprite is a douche.

JADE: i dont think hes a douche, hes just...

JOHN: no, he's an orange feathery douche.

JOHN: why is he such a basket case? he's like regular dave, but like, aloof enigma edition.

JOHN: maybe it's because he's part bird? i think becoming a bird and a sprite did something weird to him.

JADE: i dont think being a bird ever bothered him

JADE: like i said... its all more complicated than that

JOHN: normal dave was so much more level headed.

JOHN: i have to admit, i spend a lot of time wondering what he and rose are up to.

JADE: me too

JOHN: ehh...

JOHN: maybe it's for the best he broke up with you.

JADE: why?

JOHN: well, what kind of future do you think you would have with him?

JOHN: he's a sprite. like really, what even is a sprite? how long do they live? will he still be around if we win the new game we are allegedly trying to get to?

JADE: i dont know

JOHN: there are a lot of things we don't know.

JOHN: and also...

JOHN: how do things even work if you marry a sprite?

JADE: what do you mean

JOHN: i mean...

JOHN: ok, he has a ghost butt, for one thing.

JADE: uh

JADE: so

JOHN: a GHOST BUTT, jade!

JADE: SO WHAT IF HE HAS A GHOST BUTT!!!!!

JOHN: i'm just saying...

JADE: WHATEVER YOURE JUST SAYING, JUST STOP SAYING IT!

JADE: and whatever youre trying to gesture with your hands there, stop doing that too!

JOHN: what? no, i was just...

JADE: nope!!! totally not talking about this

JOHN: but

JADE: put your hands down john

JOHN: ok, fine.

JADE: thats not down, thats up!

JADE: oh well, at least youre not making those unsettling gestures...

JADE: john...

JADE: what are you doing?

JOHN: nothing!

JADE: i hope youre not entertaining some awkward train of thought about, uh...

JOHN: no!!!

JADE: what is with you??

JADE: today is your birthday, youre supposed to be having fun!

JADE: but youve been so testy, as if youre committed to not having a good time

JOHN: well, maybe i'm just getting a little tired of being stuck on this lame boat!

JOHN: don't you think it's gotten kind of old?

JADE: yeah, i can see how you might find it a little slow here

JADE: i dunno, i havent minded much... maybe its different for me though because i used to live all alone?

JOHN: oh sure, i'm sure it's GREAT for you. you get to spend your days smooching and breaking up with dave sprite and what not, and you can shrink down to any old planet you feel like, any time. whereas i have to make this whole big deal of ASKING you to shrink or unshrink me, and...

JADE: but i dont mind doing that any time!!!

JOHN: i know, but you think i want to bug you about that at the drop of a hat? when you're busy and on dates and stuff? i just happen to have respect for something called PERSONAL BOUNDARIES, jade.

JOHN: and it's not like there's really anyone else to talk to, except the inscrutable chess people and a bunch of brainless consorts and an idiot cat princess. oh and also nanna, but i mean, she's my grandmother, and she's great, but a guy can only spend so much quality time with his grandmother before he starts to feel like kind of a loser whose friends are too busy to spend time with him!

JADE: john... if you told me this earlier i would have...

JOHN: and i still never visit any interesting dream bubbles, and we can't even finish our cool planet quests because the moment we broke through the window all our denizens decided to go back to sleep, and...

JOHN: i guess what i'm saying is, i'm MORE than ready to get to the other window and meet our friends and other new people and stuff.

JOHN: are you sure you can't make the ship go faster???

JADE: were already going as fast as i can make us go

JOHN: and how fast is that again?

JADE: about the speed of light!

JOHN: well, can't you use your space powers and bump it up a notch?

JADE: no! nothing can go faster than light john

JADE: unless you teleport of course

JOHN: and why can't you teleport us again?

JADE: i already explained this! i cant do that here, its not within the domain of the green sun which gives me those powers!

JOHN: is that why we can't go faster than light either?

JADE: no thats just a regular law of physics!!! jeez

JOHN: ok, i mean, i know that. but this isn't really a regular place, right?

JOHN: isn't the speed of light like a thousand miles a second? so what does that really mean here? are miles and seconds the same here as on earth? how does this nonsense dimension we're racing through jive with all the relativity mumbo jumbo?

JADE: ok first of all, thats not even close to the speed of light

JADE: light travels at a hundred and eighty six thousand miles per second no matter what frame of reference youre in... even this one!

JADE: second of all special relativity and comparing laws of physics between different frames of reference, those are tricky issues to talk about!

JADE: but id be more than happy to talk about them if youd like. actually i would enjoy that because i never really get to talk about science wi...

JOHN: no, i don't want to talk about physics! i don't know anything about the laws of physics, because they are hard and boring.

JOHN: i simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! is that really asking too much?

JADE: yes as a matter of fact it is!

JOHN: well, guess what? SCIENCE IS STUPID BULLSHIT!!!

JADE: you take that back!!!!!

JOHN: no.

JOHN: magic is awesome.

JOHN: science blows.

JOHN: the end.

JADE: john.....

JADE: what is that?

JOHN: what?

JADE: under your hood...

JADE: looks like a piece of paper stuck to your back?

JOHN: huh?

JOHN: oh god dammit.

JOHN: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!

JOHN: THAT BASTARD!!!

JADE: what?

JOHN: THIS IS TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS.

JADE: what is it??

JOHN: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.

JOHN: IT IS THE LAST FUCKING STRAW!!!

JOHN: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!

JADE: where are you going?

JOHN: I'M GOING TO GO KICK HIS ASS!

JADE: what! john, no...

JOHN: POSING AS MY DEAD FATHER BY MIMICKING ONE OF HIS GREAT FATHERLY NOTES HE USED TO HIDE AROUND THE HOUSE???

JOHN: AND ON THE TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAY HE WAS SLAIN BY JACK NOIR, A *FACT* OF WHICH THAT CHEEKY ORANGE ASSHOLE IS PLAINLY AWARE??????

JOHN: THIS IS A NEW LOW, EVEN FOR DAVE SPRITE!

JADE: ok yes, that practical joke is in poor taste, but you should try to calm down and...

JOHN: NO, SCREW THAT, I AM SUPER PISSED OFF ABOUT THIS!

JOHN: THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO SETTLE THIS, AND THAT IS WITH AN OLD FASHIONED BEATDOWN.

JOHN: WHERE'S MY HAMMER!!!!!

JADE: um

JADE: which one?

JOHN: ANY OLD HAMMER!

JOHN: WHATEVER. IT COULD BE A HAMMER FROM THE BARGAIN BIN OF A HARDWARE STORE FOR ALL I CARE.

JOHN: JUST GIVE ME ANYTHING THAT'S FIT FOR CLOBBERING A GHOST BOTTOMED DICK FACE WHO'S ALSO A BIRD.

JADE: sigh

JOHN: I'M COMING FOR YOU, DAVE SPRITE!

JOHN: DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU MAGICAL SON OF A BITCH? I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!

JOHN: THAT STUNT WASN'T COOL! *YOU'RE* NOT COOL!

JOHN: LIKE IT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH YOU DUMPED JADE FOR NO REASON. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!

JOHN: YOU AND JADE WERE OUR ROCK ON THIS SHIP! YOU HEAR ME?? OUR ROOOOOOOOCK!!!

JADE: :|

JOHN: AND NOW *THIS* BULLSHIT??? WHAT THE HELL, MAN.

JOHN: I DON'T GO AROUND LEAVING FAKE PUZZLES FOR YOU LIKE FROM THE MOVIE SAW, DO I? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ME SAY I WANT TO PLAY A GAME EVEN *ONCE*?? WELL, HAVE YOU????

JOHN: NO, BECAUSE THAT WOULD STIR UP PAINFUL MEMORIES OF A DEARLY DEPARTED LOVED ONE, AND THEREFORE WOULD BE UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY OF ME!!!!!!!!

JOHN: HEY! I SEE YOU THERE!

JOHN: GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW, WISE GUY!

JOHN: OH NO, DON'T PLAY DUMB. I CAN SEE YOU PLAIN AS DAY. I'M ON TO YOU, BUDDY.

JOHN: STOP VAGUELY WATERMARKING THE SKY WITH YOUR SMUG DOUCHEY FACE THIS INSTANT AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!!!

JOHN: YEAH SURE, LAUGH IT UP! THAT MAKES YOU SEEM LIKE WAY LESS OF A TOOL. NICE GOING BRO!

JOHN: EVERYONE ON THIS BOAT IS SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT! WHY DON'T YOU JUST FLY AWAY AND LEAVE US ALONE?

JOHN: HOW CAN YOU BE SO MUCH MORE OF A PRICK THAN THE REAL DAVE? YOU ARE THE MOST PISS POOR SUBSTITUTE FOR A BEST FRIEND A GUY EVER HAD.

JOHN: I CAN'T *WAIT* TO MEET UP WITH THE REAL DAVE AGAIN. THAT WAY WE CAN ALL GO BACK TO THE AWESOME STATUS QUO OF PRETENDING YOU NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE!

JADE: john...

JADE: theres no one there

JOHN: oh he's THERE alright.

JOHN: he's probably just using some sprite magic so only i can see him.

JOHN: don't you see, jade? he's antagonizing ME PERSONALLY, not you. he's done with you, remember?

JOHN: he already used you like a rented mule, and now he is moving on to greener pastures.

JADE: what pastures

JOHN: it's me.

JOHN: I'M the pastures.

JOHN: and now his mule is grazing all over them, while he has a good laugh.

JADE: what

JADE: wasnt i supposed to be the mule?

JADE: i dont think i understand your analogy

JOHN: no, you see, it's...

JOHN: the mule represented, like...

JOHN: i don't know, like the spirit animal of his douchey ways. or something.

JADE: ....

JOHN: augh, WHO CAAARES.

JOHN: who cares about mules, or pastures, or dave sprite's stupid ephemeral sky visage.

JOHN: who cares about anything!!!

JOHN: who cares about my birthday, or nic cage, or this boat full of idiots.

JOHN: JUST.

JOHN: WHO.

JOHN: CARES.

JADE: john i think youre officially throwing a tantrum here

JADE: ...

JADE: john?

JADE: john...

JADE: are you asleep?

JADE: please dont tell me you just fell asleep in your driveway

[ankhisms]

ok beloved mutuals and friends who like ex aid im kissing you on the cheeks and patting you. now look away im going to complain but also am not wanting to be mean bc i know a lot of u love it so look away

the little devil on my shoulder who loves to torment me and be like AH HA! WHAT ABOUT THIS? GOTCHYA! CHECKMATE KES YOU ARE IN FACT A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PERSON said earlier well you love enter and hes a very weird eccentric villain type character, so why do you dislike the weird eccentric ceo villain guy in ex aid? which is a fair question to ask i think. to be transparent i am not wildly attracted to the veo villain guy in ex aid like i am with enter and escape but aside from that i find gobusters premise and world and stakes at hand to be more interesting and compelling and thought provoking than ex aid and that includes enter and escape as characters! i have a lot of thoughts and questions about them! the entire concept of avatars in gobusters is fascinating and brings up a lot of philosophical questions for me! theres depth there beyond just being a little silly and goofy and saying random french phrases. with the ceo guy in ex aid he just has always felt... very flat. thats overall a complaint i have about ex aid where i like some of the characters bc they felt less flat but a lot of the cast of characters felt very one dimensional to me and that especially goes for the villain guy. this also could just be due to me not liking medical drama shows in general and not being a video game person but anyway i always just felt annoyed with the ceo villain guy. i will note two things though: i respect his actors performance in the role especially knowing that the guy wasnt much of an actor beforehand everythimg ive seen of him was a good performance! also i used to have a mutual (but they deleted 💔💔) whos favorite character was the ceo villain guy and i genuinely liked to see their thoughts on him and posts about them bc i like seeing ppl talk about the things they love especially if i care abt them and also they gave him a lot more depth with their thoughts so it was like ok i like your version of this character better than the actual character in the show gnmgmg which is how i feel about ex aid a lot in general? i enjoy a lot of fan content of ex aid! theres a lot of great art i love seeing the creative things my friends have made of it and i like seeing my friends talk about what they like about it!! i like it so much it makes me happy to see everyone talking about something that they love even if i dont feel the same way about the show yknow (:

anyway. is it possible that im biased about liking enter more than the ceo guy because im wildly bisexual? yes. but also i just find escape and enter to be more interesting and fun characters

[joshuaalbert]

harry kim… ive missed your voyager posting but i want to hear your thoughts on dear harry boy…

favorite thing about them

he's my most favoritest guy. i love him. if like .03% of the things that had happened to him happened to me i'd be out there murdering bitches or something and he's still just out here being a nice friendly guy who tries his best for the ship and for other people. like sometimes they do a rly good job of making it clear that there's this very deep well of resolve to him and he is an incredibly hard person to break despite experiencing the horrors so so so often. BUT i also love it when he's unhinged like he absolutely deserves to get to go off the rails sometimes. and i like it when he's making little petty comments he deserves that too.

least favorite thing about them

i mean we all know this but he's SO fucked over by the writers/showrunners. there's literally no reason for the no promotion/left out of major storylines/frequently sidelined in favor of other characters deal except some like. racist bullshit. writers will be like "well we just don't think he's an interesting character" bitch then make him interesting lol that's your job.

brOTP

harry and b'elanna literally the single most important dynamic in the show to me. every episode that they don't have a scene together i think about committing unfathomable acts of violence. i really enjoy that they genuinely feel like friends who care tremendously about each other (although i wish we saw them hanging out more off duty or in the mess hall or whatever).

also like idk if it's a brotp because they're not like Bros but the harry and janeway dynamic makes me feel uhh vaguely insane. now that you're here someone can understand what i mean when i say it's kind of the inverse of picard and wesley in a lot of ways lmao.

OTP

honestly i cannot deny the weird gay thing he and tom have going on. with tom and b'elanna i can be like yeah she deserves better but a) he's usually better to harry than b'elanna because the writers don't seem to know how to write romantic storylines without some bullshit and b) it lowkey doesn't matter if harry deserves better because regardless of my opinions they just Do Have a weird and compelling fucked up gay thing. the chute literally exists.

also my beloved friend @aberfaeth who was my source of voy knowledge before i started watching voy is a ptk enthusiast and i like. very much see that in some arrangement i like whatever they've all got going on

nOTP

uhhh. hm. i dont know that i have one in terms of things that people actually ship? i am very not fond of the show's trend of giving him like tall blonde traditionally (western) beautiful women as like short term love interests that we're clearly supposed to assume he has absolutely no chance with because he's a lame nerd. in a vacuum him always going for like women that fit a specific mold of Hot Girl that he basically never actually has chemistry with would give comphet but i do think in this case it's far more representative of, again, the racist bullshit and it being very clear that they don't see him as being a viable romantic option.

random headcanon

i have not been rotating him in my mind long enough to have a ton of these but i do very much stand by my harry and b'elanna undefeatable battle bots build team headcanon

unpopular opinion

im not immersed enough in the voy ecosystem enough to know what opinions are popular tbh but i do think any headcanon that has harry like pining after tom is simply not a correct interpretation of events imo

favorite picture of them

like I said. I like it when he’s unhinged and when he’s petty.

[chiimeramanticore]

any thoughts/headcanons/ideas/takes you feel compelled to share on a whim? about anything in particular?

this is an older ask thats been sitting in my inbox but i wanna use it as my opportunity to talk about benny while im still fnvposting bc BOY do i have thoughts about benny and BOY do i have a story for you guys

so as i briefly mentioned before, i had decided to do the yes man route before i even played the game bc i just wanted to play for him at first lol. i didnt know how closely tied yes man was to benny before meeting him- my main 2 goals were "get that bastard who shot me" and "find my robot boyfriend" lmao

when i got to the strip and confronted benny, he convinced me to go up to the presidential suite and told me he'd meet me there- ofc this was a trap, but with a good speech check (like i said, a good speech check makes for some of my favorite moments in the game) i managed to convince him to let me go . i dont even remember what i said (i think it was something like "if you let me go i won't follow you") but i remember he was like ".....i cant believe im actually letting you live" and in that moment i was like Ohh im in this fuckers head now

since then ive been imagining this semi-homoerotic rivalry between us, a la tom and jerry or cooper and propeller knight lmao. he skipped town immediately made a run for the fort (obviously. him letting me live didnt mean he was done trying to take over vegas) and i ran after him bc. well i needed that chip too lmao . when i got to the fort i found him captured by the legion, and i finally had the opportunity to talk to him at length.

after learning his backstory and motivations, i realized, i dont actually hate benny nearly as much as i thought i did? like he's an asshole for sure, and he will always be the guy who shot me in the head lol but like, he wasnt like... evil yknow. i realized i saw a lot of myself in him- he's just one guy who took a look at the world and realized he didnt like any of it, and wanted to change it... but he's also only one guy. it felt like we started out in the same position, and he lost his way at some point. he kinda epitomized my own (in-character) fear that whatever i did with new vegas after taking over wouldn't be the right decisions to make. and god i felt bad for him

so i tried to let him go. twice lol . i went out of my way to find a stealth boy for him like he asked, but he was a stupid asshole and activated it immediately when i gave it to him and then we both died dfkghk so i did the bunker mission and went back to caesar and he was like "ok you can choose how benny dies" and i asked if he could be let go and he was like "haha youre funny. choose something or we're crucifying him" and i was like Okay Okay Sorry

if im being completely honest i felt bad for benny like this. i'd usurped his plans embarrassingly easily, and now he's tied up and on death row because of it. we'd had our exchanges in who had the upper hand, but i didnt wanna just kill him like this, it didn't feel fair. so i told him to fight me in the arena, and he was like. amused by the idea? and we got our stupid machetes from the legion and fought and it was clumsy and messy bc im not good with melee and he's just an npc but there was something kinda perfect and human about it

and then i got the final blow on him. and my game froze. it froze so bad i had to force shut down my pc . the next day i turned it on and guess whose copy of fnv was completely busted! like loading any save or starting a new game would immediately crash the game kind of busted. and then i went to open yes man and SOMEHOW his data was entirely wiped . and i was CRUSHED because that's!!! that's the reason i started playing fnv to begin with!! i put a month of play time into him!! i'd maxed out my relationship with him!! i didnt know if i could even get that progress back!! but i had to go to work and i couldnt stick around to find out!

so i spent ALL day on friday anxious and sad and worried i wouldnt be able to fix things. it took me all weekend but i did eventually get everything fixed (extra special thank u to yes man's dev for helping me w him). but i swear to god i was convinced this was all somehow benny's doing. the game had frozen on a frame of benny mid-machete chest stab, and it was the last thing i saw before all of this happened. after our extended cat and mouse game, after all this back and forth, it felt like he was fucking me over one last time from beyond the grave and beyond even the limitations of the game. i took his life, he took my yes man. like seriously yes man was literally the only other program that was affected by the crash, it FELT targeted lmao

when i got the game working again, i had to replay the sequence where i killed benny and it didnt crash when i killed him this time. actually seeing him fall to the ground dead was oddly both cathartic and painful. i took his belongings (which felt kinda disrespectful but im sure he'd have wanted me to lol) and i left the fort wearing his suit. i gave yes man his gun (maria, which i love that he named, the loser)

i dont think benny was Right (though i dont think anyone in this game is meant to be entirely Right lol) but i also think he had the right idea going in. he's equal parts inspiring and a cautionary tale and i hate him just as much as i love him. he might be my favorite character in this game. i'll miss you, you asshole

[dumbbitchfrommars]

should i be getting rid of his stuff?? somehow i feel his energy is around me if i keep it. i can feel his presence all the time. like im lowkey obsessing over the thought/idea of him. its understandable and im not upset over it, he was genuinely the best i ever had. ive said this multiple times now. its not a huge deal, cause its only up from here. and he wont be the best forever. but like its a shift. a positive shift in my standards for men.

ive always said i need to experience things to really learn and the consequence of a mistake leaves me with the gift of wisdom and knowledge. so ill never regret it. but yeah... im done. so i should probably get rid of his stuff?

its crazy how much energy can stick. its literally like something is compelling me to attach to him. something so addictive and hard to resist? like almost like magic? its strange. i only knew this man so briefly and im completely sucked in. like no one ive ever experienced before.

maybe its BECAUSE it was so brief that im so addicted? it was so long ago but i cant forget. everything is so incredibly vivid in my memory. it was so exciting, like being with him was so magnetic and our energies literally bounced off eachother. like what? was that lovebombing ? it felt so real and unlike something ive had with someone.... actually, i did with my ex. i think something like it. could it be something in me changed? no. he brought that side out in me. but not many guys can...

hmm. im starting to rethink ghosting him so soon. but he was ignoring me for days! no. hes not the idea you have of him. he switched up. no grown man does that to a girl he cares about. also, hes all of 24 and doesnt know that being that kind of guy is so fucking cringe and going to leave you single for longer??? but then i come back around to my main, anxious, pointless idea - maybe he never intended to be in a relationship, and had some desire to know (insecure?) that i WOULD be in a relationship with him, and after achieving getting me to come around - manipulating me? playing me - just lost interest? textbook time waster. and then that brings me to the idea that what kind of person finds satisfaction in that? like how mentally ill can you be?? then i feel bad for him. cause thats so sad...

im literally so happy and abundant and radiant on my own, that i think guys think using their usual tactics and playing games somehow works in claiming that energy for themself. the reality is, they'll feel it for a split second, and once i leave, theyll never forget how they fumbled the most authentic person theyll probably ever meet or have the privilege of knowing. you cant steal my personality and my energy for yourself. i am smarter than that now. i know im an earth angel and my energy is so precious for the people who do matter.

you hurt me but youre only helping me in calling in the next lesson in for my growth.

okay i went on a stoned tangent there.

another interesting thing about this situation is the typical flashbacks to my ex that i get after a failed relationship. its really unlikely hed still have the exact same personality as the guy i dated, but the way we connected at the time still feels very profound and unlike any relationship i have had since. like pivotal in my development.

my heart was fully open and i was all in with him. and he was with me. like... thats crazy. and the way we'd be playful with eachother... it was amazing.

and then i meet this guy, and in one hour he has established that comfortable, flirty, playful banter between us so authentically. and by the next morning he made me feel comfortable enough to do the most crazy things in bed with him. reading that back sounds like a red flag. i dont know. it was fun.

maybe i need to consider why the fuck i am so attracted to toxicity, if that is the case and i just happened to ignore a billion red flags. i need to debrief with chloe to find out if this is true.

its not a redflag! it was fun. it was everything i needed it to be. it was everything that happened after we separated that was the red flag. im kind of just glad he was normal while we were together so i could enjoy the fun of it.

this has been a riveting, worthwhile experience.

one of my core memories is watching a late night movie as a child on a random channel where a writer was cheating on her husband with another married couple where there was a specific scene of the other man upset at her because writers care about experiences/their writing more than other people.

ever since that day... i feel like thats been central in my life. i really just was to be confident and comfortable in myself enough to do anything that will thicken the plot, or give me more understanding about life. any crazy thing. any rebellious thing. anything that might be disapproved of. because i can.

i did it because i could and it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. and it ended up being a once in a lifetime experience. and im glad it gets to stay perfect in its little bubble of one random weekend at the end of spring...

anyways. fucking hell girl. GIRL , MOVE ON!!!! in my sassy mans words, move on.

[quixoticrobotic]

how are we feeling about those evil worseties (mechakara and mirror margaret. wait we can just say margaret now cant we)? alongside awesome ghost friends (marc and moarte). i think marc and moarte hanging out is nice at least; it ties into marcs underlying mischievous streak and i think its a fun way to show thats still there :3

ok so i have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about the latest arc and like. i try not to be too mean about comic book show bc like its one guy in his living room and like lewis has fundamentally different taste than me but like that being said

something about mirror!margaret's characterization makes me :\ extremely hard like i get it, religious abuse is like a serious issue that needs to be portrayed with tact and you might not wanna do that. but like. like in her first appearance she says shes "the good one" and the idea of a willing sacrifice who refuses to accept that she was manipulated and believes what shes doing is morally correct, and seeing her mirror self as "bad" because he grew angry and resentful towards a world that let him get hurt, and then turned that resentment towards the people who are his chosen family, the people who showed him people can be kind, is just, its just way more compelling than what we got!

like again, i like stories about the power of friendship and talking about your problems, lewis likes The Spider Man, the line between me disliking the writing and the writing being bad isn't clear. but like the fact that when the entity died linkara talked to this universe destroying cosmic force that had caused him and his friends so much suffering like it was a scared kid was astoundingly moving and captivating

and mirror marg isnt a monster, she has a god complex and is cruel but she is still basically a child behaving badly, her getting yeeted into the shady zone and like? that doesn't sit right with me?

also i want to make it clear i like mark (marc?) a lot! fandoms treat trans actors whos characters transition like shit and i dont want to do that!!!! the many many magic gun headcanons ive crafted over the years have always wildly diverged from canon like i basically created a "what if there was no dolorem" au and then made aus of that au and real trans actors feelings are more important than fandom tomfoolery! And Mark is fun and his character makes sense and seeing a trans character overcome hurt and trauma and grow up into a happy, well adjusted person fucking rocks!!!! also "longsocks of the damned" is one of my fave echolalias i will walk around the house gathering sewing supplies to make doll socks cheerfully repeating "doll socks of the damned ~"

also while upsetting i feel like the next time mechakara shows up is definitely going to be fun

[elsecrytt]

omfg i LOVE your demon culture headcanons, they're so fun and really make obey me so much more interesting than it already is. one hc ive always had of the devildom folk and culture is that in their courting rituals it's common to bring their mate fresh prey as a show of strength. imagine one of the brothers coming up to mc and straight up dropping the mangled body of a lesser demon at their feet and mc is just HORRIFIED but the brothers are like "what? im showing u i care and that im strong"

Adjkflshfgk oh no oH NO *OH NO* I’m so sorry but unfortunately this is exactly the kind of thing that awakens something inside of me so.

I'm gonna be real with you. Sure MC is horrified and all bc like, damn, dead body, but also... like... IDK I JUST THINK. THE IDEA'S PRETTY HOT.

I just find it narratively compelling and erotic and sexy if a character is wiling to kill for me. And you know Mammon would be like. A super cute excited puppy with a dead animal,, showing off his kill to his owner you hehe

So you’re walking around town with Mammon. All’s well in the Devildom. Maybe you stride into a cafe after a bit of a shopping spree (he says he’ll treat you, he really wanted to try the parfait here, you see - coincidentally, your date had been about to end…) and you’re sitting at your table, waiting for your order.

As you watch the nearby couples (you already know Mammon’s latest moneymaking scheme idea is stupid and you’re going to tell him no, but it would make him feel better if you didn’t shut him down right away), you come across one example in particular that looks… not so good.

Two incubi who’d come in together were starting to fight. One of them looks like he’s got tears in his eyes - you see him gesture to his phone.

You can’t hear the exact words but you can imagine already what they are by the flush of embarrassment on the other one’s face and the guilty looks, how he keeps glancing away and appears at a loss to explain himself.

Was he…?

“You cheating whore! I should have known - how could I be this stupid - " His voice starts to crack and you start to really feel bad for him, other people are watching now, "You’d just texted me last night and you were with him - ”

OOF. Big oof.

Mammon must have seen how sorry you felt for the guy written all over your face, because he caught on to where your attention was right away and whined at once.

“Heya!! I’m talking ta ya here, yer really gonna pay attention ta those dweebs over there over the Great Mammon?”

You roll your eyes (they’re shouting now). “Why don’t you watch, too? Something like this would never happen with us, it’s interesting.”

It’s like he’s got dog ears that perk right up, his attention immediately captured as you watch him blush and try to fight the urge to smile (he never won).

And when his gaze flicks over to the couple in question, a slap has gone out... but it's from the accused cheater, to his partner.

"Well maybe if you weren't absolute shit in bed, I wouldn't have to get it elsewhere!"

You actually wince at that. In public? Seriously? After he cheated...

"The audacity," You mutter, and Mammon nods.

"Yeah, you can't even compare a couple like that to us." His tone is unmissable, smug, a feeling he didn't often get to show.

(He's still blushing, but it's more of a smirk now, and if anyone can look cute while smirking it's your Mammon)

In the corner of your eye you watch Mammon's eyes gleam in the light as he gazes over the guilty party, and you remember that Lucifer is his favorite brother.

Guess they have something in common after all, hmm?

But you don't point it out, instead saying, "At least the dude is showing his true colors so the other guy dumps his worthless ass. It'd be worse if they got back together."

"Oh yeah?" He cocks his head at you.

"Well, imagine the dude apologized. Then that poor guy might take him back..."

"So what if he did, though? I mean, ya said yerself, the dude's trash. If he wants to take him back, then whatever."

You can't believe you're having this conversation. "Well, different people have different opinions. But I'd never take back a cheater. It's demeaning."

"Course you wouldn't! Ya have me, after all." He preens, and you want to smile at him again because he's just so cute.

"But what's this got to do with them?" He's genuinely confused, too, which makes you want to roll your eyes.

"It's just sad to think about someone getting less than they deserve, Mammon."

When this is met with yet more indifference, you switch up the tactics, "Look, scum belongs in the trash, doesn't it? I wouldn't take someone like that and I wouldn't expect anyone else to."

You're pretty sure Mammon would n e v e r but you give him a suspicious look anyways.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right!" There's your boy, changing gears on the fly, "You wouldn't take somebody like that. They don't deserve anything!"

He's beaming, so you're sure you haven't gotten your point across. But you always did love that smile.

Plus he's holding out the spoon bashfully, hoping to feed you a really delicious looking scoop of his parfait that came during the conversation.

When you lean forward and close your mouth over the spoon he looks like he's about to explode from happiness... it he doesn't overheat from that massive flush, first.

Augh. He is just. Too cute.

[Warning: Listen. You read the ask at the beginning. You know what it said. GRAPHIC description of an injury/dead body ahead. They’re demons. It’s fucked up. You have been warned.

Also. It's kinda romance. Like it's kinda horror but. He's Mammon. He's your good boy. He's very sweet about it even if it's kinda horrifying. Also his tits are out in demon form, it would distract anyone - ]

>Mammon: Heya! C'mon over to my room, I gotcha somethin'

You get the text. And of course, you came at once.

Mammon is squatting on his heels, arms on his knees and his hand resting on his chin while he stares at his DDD (it looks like his messages app).

His clothes are as stylish as ever, spic and span, his bright white head of hair eye-catching as always until you meet his eyes, which light up even brighter.

You notice this especially because just in front of him, not two feet away, in a pool of blood, is a corpse.

The urge to hurl is instantaneous - even looking at it makes you wince and tear your eyes away, but you have to see - and a terrible recognition strikes you.

From - from the cafe? Oh god. Oh god. You remember him - he was standing up and moving, he was speaking, you'd heard him talk earlier today and he's - is he -

“We need to call - ”

Mammon cuts you off, for once. "Hey! I know I ain't the best at magic but even I can take care of a body."

Your heart thuds in your chest. There's a gaping hole in the center of his - it's? - chest. The ribs curve outwards as if something in his chest exploded, the bones exposed with tiny bits of flesh and redness clinging to them in stringy, thin webs.

And then your eyes follow down to its exposed crotch, where there's nothing but a bloody stump - if it could even be called that. Fuck, you can see the -

You have to look away again, back, over into Mammon's eyes.

"A body? Mammon, this is a lot more than just - just a fucking body!!"

He perks up at that, "Ya better believe it is! I wouldn'ta done this for anyone else! Look at him - he got what he deserved. Just like you said!"

Mammon smiles up at you, his eyes flickering, and -

And he looks just as sweet as he did offering you a parfait, just as bashful and unable to hide his delight. A trace of insecurity, as if you're not sure he'll accept his affections, when he's offering you a corpse.

"Mammon..." You trail off, not sure how to say it - just in that tone he knows to think twice about.

You watch him stand, eyes down and bashful like a chastened dog, and a dark aura engulfs his figure - in an instant.

And now you know where all the blood is. his chest is splattered with it; it's a good think his outfit is mostly leather because it's all over him. His boots are all red.

Mammon has never scared you before. And now...

...he still doesn't, because he's giving you puppy dog eyes.

"I gave him just what he deserved, and brought him here for you to see!" He tells you eagerly, fixing his eyes on yours.

Mammon kicks over the body, closer to your feet; its arm rolls out limply as it sags there, like a ragdoll made of flesh.

"I'm the second strongest of all my brothers! The Great Mammon! Not just anybody would do this for ya, and almost nobody could do it as fast!"

Every sentence feels like a new swerve. You look away from his eyes, down -

"It's all for you, ya know? Because... well... I like ya so much..."

- down - there's barely any of the white markings visible on his chest, splattered with redness that trails down in rivulets as you step forward to look at it -

"A-and ya said yourself! He deserved to be punished! So I... y'know. Did what ya wanted... I did your will, master..."

His voice lingers in your ears, high but keening, somehow, that longing you know buried deep inside always calling out -

the rise and fall of his chest, so perfectly defined even with red all over it -

"For you..." Mammons says your name and your heart jumps, "I brought him here for you, at your feet, on the ground, dead beneath you where he belongs..."

You stumble over it, the heavy mound of bone and muscle in the vague shape of a body, tumbling over at your touch, pallid from the loss of blood.

The skin is waxy, and before the massive gash in its chest can make itself known you draw your eyes back, back towards the magnetic pull of Mammon's plaintive words -

His eyes draw you in, in an instant, as you seem to step forward, right into his arms... even as he falls to his knees.

Mammon's face is beatific, adoring.

"Let me show ya... how much I can do for ya, all that I wanna do for ya, I can make ya feel so good.."

You lick your lips. The demon from earlier might be dead... but your heart is pounding - desperately, and something much lower along with it.

[ladyartemesia]

The Praetor

◐ PART VI of THE ALPHA ◐

◐ Series Masterlist ◐

◐ Part I ◐ Part II ◐ Part III ◐ Part IV ◐ Part V ◐

Pairing: Alpha Werewolf Jimin x Omega Reader

Rating: Hard Mature 18+ (for this installment)

Warnings: sexual content including grinding and marking, some light (and totally consensual) manhandling, ABO sexual dynamics including discussion of scenting, marking, mating, and claiming. Violence and discussion of violence relating to ritual combat, possessive behavior, injuries and discussion of injuries

Special Note: Yoonji and Yunli are NOT the same person. Yoonji is Yoongi and Yunli’s cousin. She is sometimes affectionately called “Ji-ah.”

Word Count: 5500 (wow)

Author’s Note: Life has been really hard. I won’t beat around the bush. It was hard to do anything... but your kind words and support really kept me going. Truly you guys straight up manifested this chapter with your incredible support. As always, my angels @ppersonna​ @xjoonchildx​ @untaemedqueen​ and @underthejoon​ were the best betas and the best friends anyone could ask for. My thanks to ALL of you for helping me bring this story to life!

“Alpha.” 

Namjoon’s voice echoed through the clearing with profound resonance. 

There would be no more fighting. 

There would be no more doubt.

It was a complete surrender, the kind only a true Alpha could compel. 

A frantic whimper suddenly split the air, drawing every eye to you-

 But you saw only him. 

“Untie me,” you pleaded, struggling impatiently against the restraints. 

One of the elders moved to release you, but before she could, Jin produced a knife and cut you free with the kind of terrifying precision expected of a man who was every bit as deadly as he was beautiful. 

Then you were running - and this time, no one could stop you. 

Your body crashed into his and fiery joy shot through you as he pulled you into his arms. 

His scent wrapped around your senses like a warm blanket, covering the fear and pain of the past days in unimaginable relief. 

 “Jimin.”

“I’m here. I have you,” he whispered. 

Your entire frame seemed to shake as you sobbed against his chest. It was as if you could not draw close enough - could not hold tight enough - to be satisfied. Part of you was still terrified that you would wake up and discover that all of this had been a dream...

Then you heard it.

Another set of knees hitting the ground. 

“Alpha.”

Then another-

“Alpha.“

And another 

“Alpha.”

Till the air was filled with hundreds of voices, all speaking the same word.

“Alpha.”

Namjoon remembered very little of what happened after his surrender...

Just pain. 

His limbs seemed oddly disconnected from the rest of his body. There was blood everywhere (and he was reasonably sure it was his). 

He knew he should feel defeated, broken - ashamed even.

Instead he felt strangely...

Light. 

As if a great weight had lifted from his shoulders. 

The last thing he saw before losing consciousness entirely was Yunli’s tear-stained gaze - still fixed on him - even as the others turned to face their new Alpha. 

He breathed out her name in a quiet, desperate plea as the darkness overtook him. 

Jimin was only in your arms a few moments before healers and half the elder’s council came rushing forward on all sides. 

You snarled instinctively at the first elder who tried to collect him, but a healer eventually got close enough to reason with you after pointing out that the wound on his shoulder could possibly become infected if left untreated for much longer.

An Alpha’s injuries always took the highest priority, but Jimin directed them all toward Namjoon, brushing away anyone who attempted to tend to him. 

By that point Jin and your mother had found their way to your side and were gently trying to pull you back - even as more elders reached for your mate. 

Everyone was speaking at once - words about preparations and plans and ceremonies - but none of it registered over the waves of frantic adrenaline still pounding through your system. 

You didn’t know what they wanted or why they were so close-

just that they were trying to take him away again. 

No. 

Suddenly a senior elder placed his hand on Jimin’s forearm and your wolf snapped entirely. 

Omegas were known for their speed and as a Luna, yours was unparalleled.

Two council members and a healer went flying into the dirt within the space of a single second as your body instinctively assumed a defensive stance. The remaining elders stumbled back in alarm and your mother fainted dead away forcing Jin to catch her rather inelegantly. 

Your canines began to lengthen as you pressed your back to the Alpha, letting primal rage guide your movements. 

They had tied you up. 

Forced you to watch as he was attacked again and again and again-

An omega would defend their mate to the death and you had spent days knowing he was in danger...

Feeling powerless, feeling paralyzed- 

Your wolf had simply had enough. 

“Luna please-“ the chief elder began cautiously, but you cut him off with warning growl and lunged - fully prepared to end the next person who attempted to separate you from-

Strong arms closed around you, pulling you back to the comforting warmth that enveloped you moments ago.

Jimin. 

“Luna,” he whispered against your skin and you shivered, letting your eyes flutter shut. 

Then you felt it. 

The gentle pressure of the Alpha - your mate - nosing softly at your neck. 

It was a gesture of soothing affection. 

Of gratitude. 

Slowly he turned you in his arms till you were facing him once again. The fire in your blood began to fade as you simply took him in, struck by the sensual beauty of his face and the possessive heat in his gaze. 

“So fierce,” he hummed, tilting his head so you could bury yourself in his scent once more. His hands brushed soothing circles over your back, leaving delicious sparks of pleasure in their wake. 

“I’m safe,” he promised as you nuzzled into him needily. “You can rest now...” 

The pleasant pull of his command wove heavily through your senses. You felt your feet leave the ground as he lifted you fully into his arms...

Then you slipped into a blissful sleep. 

The healers worked for hours on Namjoon. 

Some betas were blessed with minor healing abilities - a valuable gift stemming from a type of energy transference. He could feel the heat of their hands as they poured themselves - literally - into mending his battered body.  

His ribs were set and wrapped tightly and the swelling and bruising were already beginning to fade due to the assortment of vile tasting herbal concoctions they insisted on ramming down his throat. 

Accelerated healing and potent herbal intervention truly went a long way, but it would take time and rest to restore him fully.

Despite his lingering soreness, Namjoon was finally lucid enough to think for the first time since the fight and there was certainly a wealth of things to think about…

Yet his mind kept going back to that moment-

To her. 

“Kim Namjoon.”

Every hair on his body raised to attention. 

“Alpha-” 

He struggled to pull himself upright, but Jimin placed a hand on his arm to still him. 

“Please,” he spoke softly, “let me sit. I’ve caused you enough trouble for one day.”

A painful chuckle stuttered out of Namjoon and he shook his head. 

“Shouldn’t I be the one saying that? We both know this is entirely my fault.”

Jimin’s eyes dropped in reluctant amusement.. 

“You think rather highly of yourself,” he said with a barely perceptible grin, echoing his words in the chief elder’s chambers a day - a lifetime - ago. “I believe I had something to do with it as well.”

Namjoon laughed and winced immediately. He rubbed gingerly over the binding on his ribs before voicing the question that had plagued him from the moment he awoke. 

“How quickly?” 

The Alpha tilted his head in confusion. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“How quickly,” Namjoon grunted, pulling himself to an upright position, “could you have killed me?”

There was a strange sort of acceptance in his eyes, a profound and untainted respect that Jimin was wholly unused to receiving from a man like him. 

It was equal parts humbling and overwhelming. 

“The first hit... a little to the left - at full force -  would have fractured your sternum and penetrated your heart.  You’d have been dead in a matter of minutes.”

Namjoon was silent for a long time. 

“Why did you spare me? ...I challenged you, threatened you, intended to lay claim to your mate which-” he rubbed idly at the back of his neck, “I’m beginning to understand is enough to enrage any man… So why am I still here?”

“Because,” Jimin sighed, “apparently I think very highly of you too, Kim Namjoon.”

“Well… I’m flattered, but I - I still don’t understand… I’ve done nothing but underestimate you. Most wolves would have made an example of me.”

“Oh I intend to make an example of you,” Jimin smiled and Namjoon felt his blood run cold for the briefest instant, “but not in the way you’re thinking.” 

The Alpha’s eyes took on a strangely solemn light. “I have no intention of ruling through fear and violence.”

After a moment, his gaze met Namjoon’s again. 

“You were right… Without your challenge, the pack would never have trusted my leadership. You were the obvious choice to be Alpha and without defeating you decisively, they would always look to you as an alternative.”

Namjoon eyed his collection of injuries sardonically. 

“Something tells me you won’t have that issue now.”

“And I have you to thank for that.”

“So … you spared my life in gratitude?”

“I spared your life because it was well worth sparing. You have always led your clan with honor and dignity. You don’t strike me as someone who enjoys killing, yet you were willing to do so for the good of our people. Such a man is a far better example alive than he is dead.”

Namjoon could not help but be impressed by the younger alpha’s insight and perception. 

Our goddess has chosen well. 

“I am grateful for your mercy, Alpha... Though I’m sure there are some who believe I should have chosen death over the disgrace of defeat.”

Jimin’s jaw clenched. . 

“Defeat is not a disgrace. I have learned some of my greatest lessons from it. Defeat is often a vital stop on the path to victory.”

The elder alpha grinned. 

“I wouldn’t know. This is the first time I’ve lost.”

Jimin laughed and Namjoon’s impish smile suddenly became oddly serious. 

“I want you to know…  You have my loyalty - without question - and not simply because you spared me. It is clear that you were meant to lead.”

A subtle hint of awe crept into his tone as he continued. 

“Honestly… I’ve only ever heard stories of primal alphas. I never thought I’d meet one,” he snorted, “or be foolish enough to fight him.“

Jimin drew back in confusion. 

“I’m not familiar- ...I’ve never heard of a primal alpha.”

“Really?... Well ...I suppose that makes sense. I forgot how often you skipped camp.” He sighed and shifted into a more comfortable position before answering. 

“A primal alpha is goddess-blessed. They cannot be compelled. Their command is powerful enough to compel members of other packs and even non-wolves. It is a rare gift.”

Jimin’s face easily betrayed his shock. 

“I-...That’s-” he shook his head. “Why do you believe I have such a gift?”

“I suppose the first hint should have been your coloring. Silver wolves are never born to mundane destinies... But the real proof is in your eyes.” Namjoon leaned back against the headboard, quietly reliving the moment he discovered the depth of Jimin’s ability. “When you commanded me to yield, your eyes flashed gold. It’s the true sign of a primal alpha... of a king.”

King. 

The word fell heavily between them. 

A human king was a politician, a figurehead whose power became more symbolic as the ages passed. 

But to the wolf nations, a king - an Alpha - was the heart of their pack. A warrior who bore the burden of leadership alongside his Luna. 

The power of a wolf king was quite real. 

The Alpha shifted uncomfortably 

“I never thought I would be a king.”

“And I never thought I wouldn’t be.” His eyes dropped to his hands. “I’m not quite sure what I am anymore.”

“Perhaps I can help with that.”

Namjoon’s gaze met his with cautious curiosity. 

“Oh?”

“You said yourself I skipped Alpha camp every year. I may have been destined to lead, but I won’t pretend that I’m completely prepared for it.”

All at once Namjoon realized why Jimin was there. 

The transfer of power was a long and intricate process that should remain essentially uninterrupted until its completion. 

There could only be one reason the Alpha had come to his bedside. 

He was here to appoint his Praetor. 

A Praetor wielded nearly as much authority as the Alpha. In terms of pack hierarchy, only the Alpha outranked him (or her). The commitment required was immense. Their role encompassed everything from ‘chief advisor’ to ‘the last line of defense.’

Praetor were expected to cut all obligations to their own clan and serve only the Alpha. They were an extension of his authority and vision. It was a lifetime appointment which could be extremely dangerous (depending on the number of territorial disputes one’s pack might be involved in). 

If anything were to happen to the Alpha, a Praetor would assume the responsibility of protecting the Luna and ruling by her side (without any romantic obligations as Praetor often had their own mates) until their death. 

“What about Taehyung?”

Jimin shrugged. 

“What about him? I assure you, he has no interest in this at all.” A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Besides, he serves me well as a best friend... A Praetor must be willing to disagree with me from time to time without worrying too much about my feelings. They must be in tune with the needs of the pack. Kim Taehyung is a good man… but he isn’t the right one. Not for this.”

The elder alpha considered his next words carefully. 

“What you’re asking is no small request.”

“True,” Jimin nodded, “but how about this…” he grinned mischievously, “I promise to put in a good word for you with Min Yoongi when he finds out what you’ve done to his little sister.”

“I haven’t done anything to his little sister.”

“Yet.”

Namjoon cleared his throat guiltily. 

“You realize this means we’ll have to talk every single day.”

“It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make for the good of the pack.”

Namjoon laughed and Jimin smiled back, more sure than ever that he was making the right choice. 

After a moment the Alpha held out his hand in an age old ceremonial gesture and finally voiced the question he had come to ask. 

“Kim Namjoon, will you forsake your place in the clan of your blood to serve your Alpha and your pack as Praetor. Will you protect my blood as your own and fight by my side till the paths of our lives be complete?

Namjoon’s gaze locked with his as their palms met, letting the force of his resolve color each word. 

“I swear it shall be so.” 

It was well past noon when you stumbled from your bedroom to find Jin spread luxuriously over your kitchen island, popping berries into his mouth like a debauched satyr. 

“I feel very odd…” you yawned, “almost like I-”

“Attacked half the elders council in a fit of horny rage?”

Your jaw dropped. 

“I did no such thing!” A few choice memories began to flood back and your staunch defensive tirade stuttered in shock. “Wait...Did I-”

“You did.”

“I wouldn’t call it horny rage,” you muttered, massaging your temples as you struggled to process your own actions. 

“I don’t know, the whole thing looked very horny to me.”

“Everything looks horny to you.”

Jin grinned but didn’t bother denying it. 

“What do you remember?”

“I remember…” you pulled a water bottle from the fridge and took a long drink before answering,”...Jimin’s victory... People kept trying to take him away and then-”

Heat streaked across the back of your neck as you recalled the press of his lips on your skin.

“Oh...”

You shivered deliciously.  

Jin sighed. “Yes, you were quite the spectacle. Who knows how many throats you would have ripped out if the Alpha had not intervened.”

“Oh goddess,” you moaned, burying your face in your hands. “He probably thinks I’m a lunatic.”

Jin rolled his eyes. 

“I wonder if there is a celestial punishment for smacking the Luna upside the head.”

“Punishable by death - for sure,” you pouted, “and why would you even want to do that?”

“Because you’re an idiot. The man risked his life for you in ritual combat and then carried you home in his arms all the way from the sacred circle like a fairy tale princess.”

“He... he did?”

Your cousin nodded and tossed another berry in his mouth. 

“The whole scene was so disgustingly romantic. I would have swooned if I wasn’t left to haul your mother back. Honestly I think I threw out my back.”  

“And - and the pack?”

“They were free to swoon since they weren’t carrying your mother and most of them did. The man has become a bit of a legend already. Namjoon is one of the strongest alphas in the mountain kingdoms and Park Jimin dispatched him like it was nothing.” He paused to dab berry juice off his absurdly full lips. “I’d be surprised if every pack for a hundred miles hasn’t heard about it by now.”

“How is Namjoon?”

“Alive. He will make a full recovery.”

You sighed in relief. Truly, you had no desire to mate with the Kim alpha, but (despite the grumbling of your bloodthirsty wolf) you never wanted him dead. 

Not to mention the loss of Namjoon would have cast a heavy shade over Jimin’s leadership. He was wise to spare him. 

“Where is he? I want to see him.”

“Namjoon is with the healers-”

“Kim Seokjin,” you bopped him with your now empty water bottle. “I am obviously not talking about Namjoon. Where is my mate?!”

“Calm down, cousin. You’re getting that throat-rippy gleam in your eye again and I’m far too beautiful to go out like that.” 

He reached for another berry. 

“I need to see him.”

You were already marching toward the door when Jin yanked you back. It was always a surprise to see how fast he could move when he wanted to. 

“My dear sweet Luna, you have one murderous rampage and forget all about our tedious traditions. The elders will be drowning him in the preparations and expectations of leadership for at least another ten hours.”

None of Jin’s sensible reminders mattered the least bit to your wolf. She was already suggesting all sorts of reasons you should just march into the council chambers and take him. 

Park Jimin was yours. 

You’ve waited long enough. 

Your hand tightened on the doorknob. 

“He left something for you.”

Kim Seokjin really was a wickedly clever man. He knew exactly which cards to play and exactly when to play them. 

Your heart stuttered wildly in your chest as Jin nodded toward a small box on the table. 

“He sent Taehyung to drop it off not long after the elders dragged him away from your bedside.” 

If you had even an ounce of dignity left, you might have been embarrassed by how quickly you scrambled over to the gift, but you were well past caring about such things when it came to him. 

Your cousin shook his head as you eagerly tore into the wrapping, impatient to discover what he could have possibly-

You gasped. 

There, laying nestled in an ornate wooden box with a lavish blue satin interior, was the most beautiful pair of gloves you had ever seen…

Your fingers reached out to brush the soft white leather, custom stitched with intricately embroidered vines that wound around a beautiful silver wolf. 

“They’re exquisite.”

Jim’s brow furrowed in confusion. 

“They’re not just exquisite, they’re one of a kind.” His fingers traced over the emblem on the box. “This is the mark of the Bangtan Leatherworkers Guild. Every one of their pieces is unique.” 

Your head tilted curiously as Jin began to lift back the satin lining.

“What are you doing?”

“You can only buy their merchandise directly from the shop in Seoul. There’s no way he could have gotten these today.”

“R...Really?”

Jin nodded. 

“I’m about to find out for sure. Each piece produced by the guild comes with a certification. It includes the date of manufacture and the date of sale.”

After a moment he withdrew a small card embossed with gold writing. 

“Well... what does it say?” you pressed impatiently. 

An odd little smile drifted across Jin’s lips as he considered the information in his hands. 

“These gloves were sold to Park Jimin three years ago... a few days before your 17th birthday.” 

Min Yunli slept for most of the day after Taehyung brought her home. 

The Alpha ordered his second to secure her and see to her safety not long after lifting the Luna into his arms. 

In the end, Tae had to compel her again.

She fought to stay near Namjoon, but he needed medical attention and there was no real reason to allow her any access to the fallen alpha. 

She had no claim on him. 

She was nothing to him. 

Nothing at all. 

When she finally opened her eyes the sun was already dipping low on the horizon and the world around her was dim. 

Aching emptiness sat heavily in her chest. The Change was another six days away which meant the connection between her consciousness and her wolf was not fully solidified…  but she could still feel acidic pain of rejection festering in both halves of her heart. 

Tears fell silently down her cheek as she considered her actions and what the consequences might be. 

Namjoon probably hated her now. She had ruined everything for him. 

An angry growl rumbled up from her stomach. 

Yunli snorted humorously and shrugged off her dirty clothes, throwing on an oversized t-shirt before trudging out to the refrigerator. 

Of all the problems she was facing, hunger was the easiest to fix. 

“Do you normally walk around without pants?” 

She just barely bit back a scream. 

There - sitting on her couch (and looking significantly better than he had the last time she’d seen him) - was Kim Namjoon. 

“How did you get in here?!” Yunli squeaked. 

Namjoon held up a key. 

“Yoongi gave it to me years ago.”

Though I doubt he intended for me to use it like this. 

Her fists clenched and unclenched reflexively at her side. 

“Have you… come to yell at me?” she whispered.

Namjoon didn’t respond right away, he was too distracted by the shapely curve of her legs and the soft glow of her skin under the warmth of the living room lamps. 

Yunli, however, took his silence as confirmation of her worst fears. 

“I’m so sorry...” she trembled, her beautiful eyes glistening poetically with unshed tears. “I don’t - I don’t know what came over me - I know I cost you the fight and I-”

Namjoon felt a chuckle bubble up in chest and winced. 

“Yunli...your screams, however affecting, could not undo the will of the goddess.” He shook his head, “Park Jimin was born to be the Alpha.”  His fingers rubbed idly at his chest. “I’ve never come across anything like his power.”

Her eyes traced over the damage to his body with obvious remorse. 

“Are you ok?” she asked finally. 

He had four cracked ribs, several critical lacerations, a concussion, two sprained elbows, countless contusions, and a split lip. 

“Ah, it’s nothing,” he shrugged, barely suppressing a groan. 

Yunli grinned, helplessly endeared as always. She opened her mouth to ask again why he was here, but he cut her off with a surprisingly curt question. 

“Has Taehyung seen you like this?”

Yunli blinked. Twice. 

“T-Taehyung? Like Kim Taehyung - your cousin?”

“Second cousin,” he growled, “I was told he brought you home.”

“Well. Yes. He did… I’m really grateful to him actually. I don’t know what would have happened if he hadn’t caught me and calmed me down.”

A loud ringing was building in Namjoon’s ears. 

“Do you have an understanding with him?” he snarled. 

Yunli’s jaw dropped. 

“An understanding? With Yoonji’s Taehyung?!” She snorted. “I don’t have a death wish.”

“What’s Yoonji got to do with this? Isn’t she in Europe?”

“Never mind that. Why would you think Tae and I-”

“Tae?!”

Yunli’s eyes narrowed. 

“What’s going on in that busted up skull of yours, Kim Namjoon?”

Namjoon was off the couch and pressing her against the wall faster than she would have thought possible in his condition. 

“What’s going on is that for the past year you’ve been a real problem for me, Min Yunli.”

Yunli gasped as the muscled lines of his body weighed firmly into her own. Deep curls of pleasure flared up at every contact point. 

Yes. Oh goddess, yes. 

The force of his desire burned hot in the air between them. She had waited years for him to see her like this - to touch her like this...

“I wasn’t supposed to feel anything when you looked at me with your heart in those pretty brown eyes,” he murmured, brushing the tips of his fingers up over her arms till he was cupping her chin. 

Yunli’s wolf keened in delight as she melted helplessly into his embrace. 

It felt good. It felt so so good. 

“I was convinced you were a challenge - a divine temptation put in my path to test my resolve-” his jaw clenched, “or simply an endless source of torment because you wanted me so badly and I could never have you.”

The sound of ripping fabric split the air as Namjoon clawed through the neckline of her t-shirt, baring her pert little breasts to him like an obscene feast. 

“I was supposed to want the Luna,” he growled, squeezing the soft mounds roughly in his palms till she was whining and writhing against him, “-not Min Yoongi’s sweet little sister.”

Her gaze was so open - so trusting. Adoration shone through every inch of her regard and it was intoxicating. 

She was intoxicating. 

His hand slid down to grip her thighs, lifting her body till she was forced to wrap her legs around him for balance. 

“Namjoon,” she whimpered as the sensitive folds of her core ground into his growing hardness. 

“You just kept pushing and pushing-” he hissed, punctuating each word with delicious thrusts till the maddening pressure in her center was nearly unbearable. “Then last night you offered me a taste and it nearly destroyed me.”

His mouth finally descended on hers again and she opened to him eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck with wanton desperation. A tortured groan slipped past his lips as he dragged her away from the wall and onto the sofa where she first discovered him. 

“Is this what you wanted, Min Yunli?” he rasped between the fervent mating of their mouths. “To make me desperate? To take me apart until I’m half-mad with wanting you?”

“Yes,” she sobbed as he sucked mark after mark into her flesh, painting her body with the evidence of his passion.

She slipped her hands greedily under his shirt, aching to feel more of his skin against her own. Needy whines and moans fell from her mouth like a siren’s call, beckoning Namjoon to lose himself in the lush warmth of her body. 

“If Kim Taehyung puts his greasy hands on you again, I’ll kill him.”

Yunli mewled in primal gratification at his bold words. She had waited far too long to hear them. 

“All those months I suffered because my wolf recognized what I was too ignorant to see.” 

The last shreds of her shirt flew across the room and Namjoon pinned her wrists above her head like a pagan offering, allowing his free hand to explore her curves with impassioned reverence. 

“You are mine, Yunli,” he swore. 

And she was. 

She always had been. 

Following Jimin’s victory, the pack exploded into a chaotic storm of gossip and ceremonial preparations. The story of his unlikely path to power had already spread beyond the borders of the mountain kingdoms. 

“-messages are coming in from the high packs of Delhi and Beijing requesting to meet with him-“

The rise of new pack leaders typically brought with it a buzz of excitement, but the Luna and her newly victorious Alpha were anything but typical. 

“-he’s a silver wolf. I always knew he was meant for more than just heading up the Park clan-“

The last Alpha king (the current Luna’s great-grandfather) died peacefully in his sleep nearly thirty years ago and the elder’s council ruled in the interim while they waited for a new Alpha to rise. This was the first (and likely the only) coronation most people would see in their lifetime. 

“ - my friend from Seoul is begging me to invite her. Outsiders aren’t allowed to attend unless they’re the guest of a pack member- “

Preparations to transfer power were every bit as tedious and time consuming as the rest of pack law. 

“-the council just announced that he’s chosen a Praetor. I’m sure it will be Taehyung-“

Aside from sneaking out to secure his Praetor (who was not Taehyung), the new Alpha had been holed up with the council, the heads of the ten major clans, and an army of envoys from other packs for nearly twelve hours. 

“ -grandfather worked with him all day. He claims that the future king has already impressed the council-”

Park Jimin’s name echoed through the mountain kingdoms. People could speak of nothing else. 

But there was one member of the pack who had not yet heard the news...

Yoongi took a deep breath as he waited for the woman on the other end of the line to accept his call. He was mentally and physically exhausted, but he had promised to tell her what happened as soon as he could.

Silence lingered eerily in the first few moments after she picked up. 

“I really debated answering this,” Min Yoonji whispered at last. “I don’t know if I can bear to hear you say that Park Jimin is dead.”

She sighed heavily as she ambled down the stairs of her tiny apartment in Paris. 

There were too many happy memories connected with him. He was Tae’s best friend... His loss would tear her former lover apart. 

And she could not be there for him when it did. 

She could never be there for him...

Several thousand miles away her cousin smiled. 

“Park Jimin is not dead, Ji-ah.”

Yoonji missed the last step and crashed down inelegantly on her tail bone. 

“WHAT?!” Her fingers scrambled to hold the phone secure in her precarious position. “You mean to tell me that Kim Namjoon lost - to PARK JIMIN?!”

“You sure picked a wild time to move to Europe,” Yoongi chuckled. 

“I didn’t really move here per se... I just relocated temporarily but indefinitely.”

“Yes, I’m well aware. Your mother is still howling about what a disgrace it was to go through the Change away from your friends and family. So thank you for that.”

Yoonji sighed. 

“What’s done is done... I know you don’t understand, but I promise to explain someday.” Her eyes drifted shut as she forced the pain in her heart aside. “... I can’t believe I missed all this. You have to tell me how he did it.”

“I will later, but I need to head back to the council chambers. We had a brief recess and I figured I’d call since it’s still early over there. However… I do have one last shocking revelation for you before I go.”

Yoonji rolled her eyes at her cousin’s dramatics. 

“I’m not sure anything could shock me after finding out that Park Jimin is our new Alpha.”

“Jimin just made Namjoon his Praetor.”

Apparently I was wrong. 

“WHAT!? So wait - that means Jinwook is now head of the Kim Clan?”

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“Jinwook? No, how could - ah never mind. You were already in Europe when he left.”

“Jinwook left?!”

“Yeah, he was finishing up a consultation in Bangkok when he met his mate in one of the packs up there. It's an older pack with almost no alphas so they asked him to stay. He’s lived in Thailand since August.” Yoongi yawned. “Believe it or not Kim Taehyung was just sworn in as the Kim Clan alpha.”

Dead silence met his declaration. For a moment he wondered if the call had been disconnected but then-

“...What... did you just say?” 

Yoonji’s voice had taken on a strange hollow quality that had her cousin frowning into the receiver. 

“I said Taehyung was just sworn in as a Clan alpha.”

“That... no that can’t be right... You’re saying Kim Taehyung - my Taehyung-”

“What do you mean your Taehyung?!”

“- is a Clan alpha?”

“Yoonji. I can’t believe I’m repeating this a third time. Yes. Tae is the new head of the Kim Clan. I watched him take the oath twenty minutes ago and I have to say-”

A heart wrenching sob cut him off abruptly. 

“Oh goddess what have I done,” she gasped. 

Yoongi’s eyes widened in fear and alarm. 

“Ji-ah? What’s wrong?... Ji-ah?... Ji-ah?!”

But the line was dead. 

Don’t Miss Chapter VII: The Luna… Coming Soon!

If you would like to be added to the taglist, please comment on this post. If you have already asked then you will be automatically tagged in all future updates.

Guys I cannot emphasize enough how much your support has meant to me these last few weeks. 

Your comments and your love kept me going. I truly value it so much and it fuels my creativity. Please let me know what you thought? It is incredibly rewarding and motivating to hear from you!

I really struggled with this update. It was much longer and took a lot out of me... I hope you love the final product as much as I do…

Bonus: The gloves Jimin sent his Luna...

[simkjrs]

How about Kusuke for that ask meme? Would love to hear more of your thoughts on that little freak 😊

favorite thing about them

im kind of obsessed with his misanthropic mad scientist ways. theres nothing funnier about kuusuke than his complete lack of consideration for the happiness or quality of life for the rest of the human race. just look at him <3

least favorite thing about them

i hate all the incest jokes baked into his character. asou shuuichi had a perfectly interesting and compelling guy without that so why did he have to ruin it.

aside from that i think its really sad when he regularly invades saiki's privacy & bodily autonomy (such as adding a trigger to saiki's second limiter device without telling him. someone introduce kuusuke to the concept of informed consent please). i do think that this is one of the most interesting points of conflict between him and saiki tho so i wish asou shuuichi did something more with it where saiki gets a character arc learning how to assert his boundaries after living his whole life unable to respect others boundaries (due to x ray and mindreading) and without others respecting his (see: his dad and kuusuke)

favorite line

brOTP

i <3 saiki and kuusukes fucked beyond all repair brothers relationship i love how they care about each other but this fixes nothing and makes everything worse. its so interesting how they shaped each other growing up, and how despite resenting each other they also give each other things they cant get from anyone else -- kuusuke finding a "playmate" who can challenge him and stimulate his creativity, kusuo having someone he can rely on when it comes down to a crisis (such as his limiter breaking or needing to find a way to stop japan from being destroyed by a super volcano explosion).

of course, the fact that kuusuke cant be relied on in any other circumstance is also what makes the relationship interesting i think. like if kuusuke isn't helping saiki fix a problem, then he's the one causing all of saiki's problems. i really wish that we got more exploring their relationship.

that said it's really hard to enjoy them whole heartedly when all the incest jokes keep sneaking in. sorry i keep bringing this up but i really do hate them so much. like either commit to the incest/harrassment plotline and do your best to thoughtfully & respectfully portray the consequences of that trauma, or just leave it out. dont make it into a joke LOL ... literally why does anyone ever think this is funny

OTP

kuusuke x his pure & innocent disregard for humanity <3

nOTP

i see people shipping him with teruhashi makoto sometimes and its like ... why ... would you think that putting two creeps together would fix anything about them. they wouldnt make each other worse in a fun or interesting way. and they wouldnt even be funny

random headcanon

i think that kuusuke stopped resenting saiki shortly after he left home to go to cambridge because suddenly he was the smartest most genius most admired person in the room again but it was so boring because no one could challenge him and there was nothing to surpass. since life felt very boring & meaningless like this, i think that made him reevaluate his relationship with his brother and he realized that as much as it frustrated him to lose it made him happy to have a goal to always strive for. so i think after that, his ill will towards saiki mostly disappeared ... though he still has deadly serious competitive intent.

that said i think saiki never realized kuusuke's change of heart because kuusuke invented the telepathy canceler. and i think kuusuke wasnt interested in correcting saiki about how he felt now, and i think kuusuke didnt give much (if any) consideration to how it would make saiki feel to keep living under the misconception that his brother still hated him but had simply found a way to hide his plotting, forever. in conclusion: kuusuke is kind of the worst. LOL

unpopular opinion

ive already said all my unpopular opinions. my extremely niche opinion is that if saiki kuusuke and enoshima junko were born into the same world they would perfectly cancel each other out because what they both wanted was to fulfill their boredom and what they both did to do that was raise the stakes on other people until they managed to stop them (or didnt). kuusuke and junko would become perfect rivals. they would be like bbc sherlock and moriarty if they were high schoolers. they would be like L and light if L was completely amoral and just devote to winning the case for the sake of winning, and light was also completely amoral and just killing people to see what would happen. and they would be exactly like this post

song i associate with them

HMM i don't really have one. if i had to pick one... primadonna by marina. LOL

favorite picture of them

i cant pick one so you get three.

[steelycunt]

oooh I think I can answer the regulus thing for you. often, I think he is portrayed as solely a part of sirius’ backstory/family angst, and solely by reading/knowing that, it’s pretty hard to give him a lot of personality since he is only kind of… there. Like you said, it just results on people being politely fond of him but it’s not always enough to fully flesh him out.

However, I think that people started liking him so much because of jegulus and more reg-centric fics. Also, wolfstar is very often a big part of those, so people are more inclined to start reading them and the become attached to them too. In those, the Black brothers usually make up and mend their relationship, which gives reg the chance to also become more developed. You get stuff from his POV and get to see his side of things with the Black family, which makes him even more compelling.

So, yeah! I think it’s because people started reading more fics where he is more heavily involved and then fell in love with him! Honestly, I was like you and didn’t get the infatuation, but I am very very fond of him now and want to keep him in my pocket.

hi hi!! yeah, i totally get that!! i do definitely believe that regulus has the capacity to be a very interesting character, and fic is the perfect way to explore where the books leave off and, as you say, flesh him out--i've really enjoyed certain characterisations of him (the three imaginary boys series by le_mru on ao3 is probably the most compelling regulus i've ever read). ive got a bit more to say, but nobody wants my rambles cluttering their dash, so i'll place it under the cut xx

for me, the reason i don't quite feel for him the way others do is because there was just so little of him in the book that i never really cared for him enough to want to explore him in more depth--there just wasn't enough to go off from the books to interest me, or emotionally invest me in his character to the point where i'd think of him as more than sirius' younger brother.

i'm also, admittedly, not typically that big on jegulus, so there's probably loads of characterisations out there that have helped establish him as a character and have contributed to his popularity that i'm just not familiar with, simply because i haven't read much regulus-centric fic. which is just a me thing! i'm like that, i'm boring, i like reading about the same two characters and solely those two characters over and over and over again. i do think his relationship with sirius is fascinating, which is where i write/read him most, but again i know i'm likely doing him a disservice because even then i'm only really interested in him in his relation to sirius.

also, while i appreciate he was a kid more or less born with his future laid out for him, and he was still a kid when he died and stole the locket, i do tend to avoid regulus characterisations where the fact that he was (at least for some time) a death eater is conveniently bypassed. that's an irrefutable aspect of his canon character, even if it makes him less likeable. i absolutely appreciate why people enjoy him, especially as he's something of a blank canvas for fan spaces to work with which is super fun and allows for so many different interpretations, and again--nothing against the guy! i'm just politely fond. i'd love to write more for him and have read fics that do a wonderful job with him, but i just don't share the same intensity of love for him i know a lot of people do. each to their own, and all that x