#ive never taken an energy drink For the energy before today

[liuisi]

honestly i dont think ive ever felt more like a stereotypical uni student than i have this weekend

[transthadymacdermot]

CHARACTER INTRO: JOHN THOMPSONS

John Thompsons is notorious among the population of the Commonwealth for two things: his contributions to society's understanding of nuclear physics, and the fact that he shoved his way to the front of the line to be the first to sign the king's death warrant after the republican military coup which started the Civil War. Today he lives under house arrest in the palace, imprisoned by the monarchy which took over again after the war ended, unable to leave without permission, kept alive mostly for his intimate knowledge of the complex ancient technology which keeps the palace running. But of course he schemes for more. Wouldn't you?

Country of origin: Conriston, a northern member of the Commonwealth loosely based on a combination of eighteenth century Scotland and Puritan Massachusetts

Religion: Hugoist, meaning an adherent of a semi-illegal religious sect started in the year 650 AH by a man called Oliver Hugo. While the Commonwealth's official religion, called Puritanism, argues that the prophet recognised as a god by the powerful Marian Church (which dominates many of the Commonwealth's rivals) was not divine but merely a great human teacher, Hugoism goes a step further and identifies this prophet as an antichrist-like figure of evil who one must constantly guard against the doctrines of with constant prayer, tight-knit communities, persecuting Marians and Puritans, starting decades long civil wars with the aim of killing every heretic within the Commonwealth for good, and so on.

Occupation: pamphleteer, engineer, regicide

Location: unwillingly, the royal court of His Most Godly Majesty King Charles James IV of the Commonwealth of Harnsey and Conriston, Lord of Hieburne, and Defender of the Faith

Personality: notably deeply unpleasant and argumentative. Thompsons never let someone being his nominal friend get in the way of ruining their entire week just because he was in a bad mood when they drank the last energy drink and as a result of spending his entire life since the end of the Civil War (~5 years before the story starts) with the threat of execution hanging over his head he fears neither death nor man, with disastrous results for nearly every single other member of the royal court. At least he seems ruthlessly devoted to his beliefs -- but of course, given their nature, this too could have similarly negative effects for the aristocracy everywhere.

Some info on how Real History influenced his character under the cut

Obviously most prominently he's this universe's equivalent of one of the regicides of Charles I. His role in the Civil War was closer however to that of the Levellers -- he's like a cross between John Lilburne in that he got his foot in the door of politics when he intentionally got himself arrested for distributing outlawed pamphlets + Richard Overton in that his favourite thing ever in the world is writing mean pamphlets AND ALSO not a chance in hell did he ever get anywhere near a battlefield. He wasn't close friends with the Cromwell/Fairfax/Ireton/any other people like that equivalents but he looooves to pretend like he was and who's going to contradict him?

Secondly his role in the story is kind of like... a slightly mangled combination of Titus Oates and Israel Tonge. Like both of them he's kind of disturbingly anti-Catholic Church equivalent but he didn't get ordained as a priest to infiltrate the jesuits like Oates did in real life and, tbh, he's quite a bit more clever with his scheming than Oates was. Additionally, he kickstarts the plot when he accuses Talbott of murdering the king's advisor Lord Ewan for the Marian church (Lord Ewan having really taken an unfortunate but ultimately accidental tumble down the stairs while both of them were drunk) much like Oates and Tonge fabricated the Popish Plot in real life, but in FFAS 1. it's just him; 2. he directly accuses the rough Tyrconnell equivalent + sends him to prison for a month rather than accusing just a bunch of random people and indirectly kind of harming Tyrconnell as in real life; & 3. due to the compression of events in the story this directly leads to everything else that happens within a few months, when the Popish Plot happened nearly a decade before William III was even asked to come over to England. Additionally, no matter what other courtiers may think, he's 100% mentally sound, if unpredictable, and fully understands the implications of what he's doing. Whether or not this is true of Oates and Tonge is... disputed. Also Oates and Tonge were not, that I know of, Levellers who were personal acquaintances of Oliver Cromwell. They weren't threatening enough so I gave them an upgrade etc

[transitioningpirate]

today - 03/11 - dates exactly one month since i've started t!!!!! i'm so happy and honestly so pleased with everything. i had a bit of a bad month (got sick, had a bit of a falling out with someone and then i got sick again) but seeing the effects it's had on me already makes me honestly so happy. and thinking about what's to come makes me so much happier!! it's been a while since i realized i actually was feeling excited for the long term future. it's amazing.

here's some of the changes i noticed:

same as the last list - hunger and thirst have increased a lot. the doctor says it's because of my metabolism, it's much faster now. this is good but also bad because i keep forgetting to drink water. this is something that i've always struggled with. before this week, i've already ended up in a hospital because of dehydration like three times. anyways, i used to live in an island, very used to humidity, and this year, for college, i moved to a town that's, like, over an hour away from the nearest beach. it's very very dry. and like i said before, in november we were hit by a terrible heat wave, and it all piled up: fast metabolism, heat wave, dry place, me forgetting to drink water frequently, and you guessed it: i ended up at the hospital yesterday :(. had to take some pain meds and some saline, but im totally fine now, and ill make sure it doesn't happen again!

so much more energy. i know i said this already, but it's crazy, seriously, i have so much more energy just in general, for everything. it's amazing. ive been sleeping better, eating better, working harder, studying more, it's crazy. my mood has increased a lot, too, actually, especially after my second t shot.

irritability, but i think this has more to do with my personal life. a bit of tmi here: i was seeing someone until not long ago but some not-very-nice stuff happened, and i asked for a break (with no intention of returning, mind you, despite what he so confidently claimed) and immediately after realized i very likely had an sdt for the first time in my whole life. for the record, this is the only person ive slept with this whole year, basically. so. yeah, i was stressed, you can say that. spent a bit of money on meds, and im already feeling much much better, but it definitely took me down for a couple days, emotionally and physically, and i honestly think my irritability came from that, but maybe t had a hand on it too? who knows

two friends of mine claimed im growing a moustache, but i dont think so yet. i already had a very thin very small moustache before, and maybe it's getting a bit thicker? i haven't noticed it personally except in one (01) picture i took with a weird lightning. im not sure... but i like to think so! maybe it's just starting to get thicker and it'll actually grow eventually!

acne. i bought a soap for my face specifically, and i use it everyday, sometimes twice a day, so it's not as bad as it could be, but it's definitely present. mostly in my forehead and my chin. it's easily taken care of, though, and doesn't hurt and barely shows, so it's whatever

my voice has definitely gotten deeper! not significantly so, but it definitely has, it's noticeable, and i love it so much. i love listening my own voice. i love listening to myself talk. i love it, love it love it love it so much. i record so much more audios on wpp now, i like hearing them back, i like hearing myself!!!!! it's the best. ive never felt this way about my voice before. im so happyyyy <3<3

it's so hooooot god i feel hot almost all of the time, everywhere it's warm and i sweat sooooo much. doubled my deodorant use and i have no regrets. it's not a bad thing, but it is mildly inconvenient sometimes, ngl. living in this hot as all hell town definitely doesn't help. ive wore more light and freeing clothes and it actually helps a lot, though. plus, my baby cousin's birthday this month will be a pool party, so im hella excited for that!!!!!!

if i can think of anything else, ill add onto this. thank you so much :3

[mizufae]

This is Korben from this morning at the internist specialist. It was just a consultation today. Tomorrow, however, they are doing all SORTS of invasive things. He is gonna get a full endoscopy and colonoscopy, a liver biopsy, samples taken from his gallbladder and bile duct, and he’s gonna have a feeding tube put in!!! Our beautiful handsome boy is going to get all kinds of terrible bandages.

What’s wrong with him, you may ask? Well, after throwing up every day for over a week a couple weeks back, we did urgent care vet and then multiple ultrasounds and rounds of blood work, all showing an increase in his billirubin and inflammation of his pancreas, gallbladder, and liver. He stopped throwing up but then got a respiratory infection and was sneezing boogers for a week. Coupled with all of this he had lost over a pound in the past three months and had already been underweight. And then he stopped eating. He has only eaten tiny amounts in the past two weeks and is continuing to lose even more weight.

So, what could be going on? That’s what all the procedures are for tomorrow! They are going to take all the samples from his various bits and culture them so we know the exact kind of medicine to give him. And meanwhile, we will do steroids to help the inflammation, and be able to get food into his stomach and put all his medications in him through his feeding tube, instead of forcing pills and goop down his throat and traumatizing him multiple times a day. It could just be a worsening of his preexisting IBD. It could be an obstruction in his common bile duct or small intestine or gallbladder. It could be small cell lymphoma! All of these are treatable, though IBD is progressive and lymphoma would mean different kinds of cancer treatment and palliative care.

This is all costing an arm and a leg, but Korben has a very rich grandmother who would be downright offended if she didn’t pay for it, thank goodness. The less expensive diagnostic option was just more fuck around wait and see ultrasound bloodwork bullshit which would lead to months and months of trial and error. There are of course risks to all of this, but Korben has been under anesthesia before and done just fine, and other than his complete unwillingness to eat and his elevated liver values, his blood work looks good, his energy and personality is still there, he completely got over his runny nose, and he hasn’t thrown up except for once a week ago which was before we stopped the antibiotics that obviously upset him so much he stopped eating or drinking and all he would do is drool and try to spit them out. Sigh. Poor guy. Fingers crossed though, because although we have now interacted with four separate very competent vets and numerous techs, nobody has ever given us an indication that Korben is unlikely to recover.

Other good things: I’ve now learned how to give IV fluids and injections! It really is super simple, as long as your cat is mellow like Korben and you have a second person to be another pair of hands. The needles are like the least troubling part. I love the immediate relief and comfort Korben exhibits when he gets fluids. I know myself how it feels to be terribly dehydrated and in pain and then get an IV, so it’s a great feeling being able to do that for my cat. Yesterday I gave him his third vitamin b12 injection (he is getting them weekly for now), and he didn’t care for it one bit but it was fine. So now, I’m confident that if anyone else I care for needs injection meds, I can give it to them! I am honestly shocked I’ve never helped a trans friend with their hrt or anything before this, but now if it ever comes up can be like “let me help! Just act like a cat!”

So. I am currently in the “ignore it until shit happens” phase where I’m trying to just project calming normal energy at Korben, who is currently sleeping in a sunbeam by an open window. Tomorrow morning he is going to be going through it, so keep him in your hearts and all that. And then afterwards will be the notable experience of gooshing puréed food in through a tube in his neck! Eeeek! Then it will be some time to get the cultures done, and then it will probably be over a month of antibiotics and other supportive meds. Egad! Fingers and toes and eyes all crossed.

Thanks @penaltykeks and a few other people who have checked in and asked how me and Korben are doing. I’ve just been sort of trying my best to engage with pleasant things online and not write out my worries because I’ve learned it doubles down on my rumination. BIG UPS to Zoloft, which REALLY FUCKING WORKS for me, I would basically be a pile of quivering useless bones and fat without it. As it is I am a quivering pile of bones and fat that can give IV fluids to my cat and call my mom and do the dishes. 😽🤞

[k-dokja]

SOFT THORNS — “i don’t want you to be in love with someone else” | IV OUT OF IV

Summary: Collection of writing based on lines taken from Bridgett Devoue’s Soft Thorns.

Daniel thought about it.

Concealing the truth is not a good place to be in. Pretending he is not hiding a life-changing secret from you affects him more than he expected. Yes, you are happy these days. Warmer than how you were before with him, but maybe it's his own delusion clouding his vision. Like if he convinces his own mind that you're happy enough times, then it wouldn't be a big deal when you find out about the truth.

Yes, he has another body. But his physical form has no business changing his feelings because he'd be enamoured with you either way. Even if you've grown a bit more distant with his original body since you begin to date his new form, he understands. You're taken now, it's normal to be distant from another boy your age.

He only wishes that he can be honest about his feeling for you no matter which shape he's in. It feels strange to want to reach out and touch you, only to remember that this version of him has no business being this close to you.

It disheartens him, but what else can he do? He made his bed and now he's going to sleep in it. Not for long, hopefully. He wants to be honest with you one of these days. All he can take now is the infrequent encounter the two of you have in this body, which becomes even rarer after he stops working at the convenience store.

Only by chance, does he see you again. Out on a night walk, like he was. However, what stands out to him is the location where he runs into you. In front of the convenience store, he would've laughed at the irony of it if he was able to explain how he feels.

After the continuous absence in each other's lives, the two of you decide to catch up over cool energy drinks at the front of the convenience store. Between the two of you, somehow, he has always been the more talkative one. Maybe it's how he always feels comfortable with sharing with you, never facing the fear of your judgment.

Yet, today, he cannot find anything to say beyond the small talk. Because whatever else going on with your life, he knows thanks to the other body of his. It leaves him in stagnation, not knowing if he can filter his own knowledge before he says something suspicious.

Finally, an idea comes to mind. The only one which would bode well as a common ground.

"I heard you're dating big Daniel now... congratulations," he broaches the topic on his own and immediately sees how foolish it is, "I hope he makes you happy."

"We're... fine," you smile with pressed lips, he feels nauseous, "he's really sweet and he treats me well, I think we can make a nice couple, yeah."

Hesitantly, he asks, "You don't sound confident."

At that, you wince. It takes you a moment to sigh and then figure out what to say. He waits patiently, hoping to figure out what to fix before everything goes wrong. Maybe you have suspected something is amiss with him. He knows he should take the initiative in admitting to the truth, but something keeps holding him back.

His fear. He's afraid of so much, especially when it comes to you.

"Well," you begin, "promise me you will keep this a secret from him?"

Quietly, he nods. You smile, a bit more relaxed now but nowhere near at ease. "I might or might not have been liking somebody else when he asked me out," you confess with those words alone are enough to shake his world upside down, but whether you notice or not, you don't tell, "I agreed to go out with him in hope to get over the other person but..."

You sigh again, kicking back on the park bench, "It's strange, you know," you continue, "I thought I would move on better if I'm with somebody else, but being with him reminds me of..."

When you turn to meet his eyes, Daniel knows not what to think. But you have that look on your face again, always on the verge of admission yet never crossing the line. "It always strikes me as weird how similar the Daniel and him are, but... that makes me even more confused. I don't know if I like Daniel for who he is or because he reminds me of someone I like."

His heart throbs once more. He never knows the truth can hurt, but maybe it is for the best that he knows now. Even if you like somebody else, you've given him a chance to find out. He knows it's no good to pry this out of you when you're telling him in confidence. Yet, however wrong it is, at least, he's not swimming in the dark. "May... May I ask who it is that you like? Maybe, I can help, somehow."

You laugh. It's a touch hollow, enough for him to flinch. After everything that happened to him the past few months, the last two years even, he continues to flounder when it comes to you. He has much room to grow yet.

"Can you?"

"I'll try," he nods, resolutely. It's not simply for you. If he says that, he'd be more of a liar than he is. It's for him, too, maybe he can make this work somehow, as an outsider.

"What if I said it's you who I like?" You put on a sardonic grin and for once, Daniel knows that paralysis from fear can come from something which gives him so much joy. "Would you try to help me then?"

"Wait... what?" He blinks, a bit taken aback. "Are you serious? You shouldn't mess around about these things, you know. I'm only trying to—"

You shrug, "I'm not messing around. If I was, I wouldn't have told you the truth. You can ask Zack about it, if you want, he knows I like you way before I started going out with Daniel."

He opens his mouth, then closes it. Hesitation leaves him wondering what he can say here without digging a grave of his own. So much of your time could've been saved if he knows about this before, it leaves him baffled and confused. "Why didn't you say anything?" He asks, quieter than expected. "I... I didn't know at all."

With a quiet chuckle, you shrug again, "Of course, you didn't, I keep it concealed for a reason, wouldn't want to make it weird for you and—" you gesture at nothing at all "—you know, Zoe, I didn't want the two of you to feel weird because of me. Figured it would be for the best that I move on before I make anything awkward."

"What does Zoe have to do with this?" He frowns, before adding. "Yes, I know she has feelings for me but... it's never like that for me. I will always cherish her as a friend, but I have somebody else I like, too."

You stare at him for a moment. Whatever you're trying to find on his face, he suspects you give up before seeing it because it might complicate everything even further. You let out a huff of breath, turning away and kicking at the dust underfoot. "Well, it doesn't change anything for me, you like someone else anyway and I'm with Daniel, now. I want to try and make it work with him"

"But you can be honest to yourself and make it work with him," Daniel answers, "I think he would've understood."

Even with the smile on your face, you narrow your eyes, "That's a big assumption," you point it, "did he tell you that? I can't imagine why he would."

"No, he didn't," he says, "but I know anyway, because..."

Before it can come out, he swallows back. Daniel breathes out in the hope to regain his courage. "I know it's late, but can you do me a favour?"

"Wild change of topic, but okay, depends on what it is," you meet his eyes, half-amused and half-confused.

He doesn't miss the concern in your eyes, but he knows this would be it. If there's any time for honesty, then it would be this moment. "Come with me then, I have something to show you."

When he waves for you to follow him, you do. However, it is not without question. "Where are we going?"

"My place," he draws in a breath, "there's something, I... The other Daniel and I would like to show you, please. I promise it won't take long."

It's early in the evening but he cannot help but worry that you might take this the wrong way. After all, he cannot deny that it's dangerous for a girl to be out at this hour. All of these nerves make him even quieter once the two of you are on your way. You, however, continue to crack jokes like it's nothing. Maybe it's how you cope. "So what is going on here? Are the two of you secretly in a polygamist cult?"

"Uh, no, nothing like that," Daniel scratches the back of his neck, "the truth might be weirder, though, depends on how you see it."

"Is it weird that I'm both intrigued and terrified for my life?" You muse. "I would like to think I know both of you enough to have nothing to fear from you, but this is weird, I hope you realize that."

He tries to smile, "I know it's weird," but it will get weirder, he doesn't know how to say that without you running for the hill, "but trust me on this one, I... I think it's necessary to say."

"Ha, are you going to drag me to him and make me fess up the truth now that you've heard it from me?" You jest. "Very insidious, Daniel Park. Very insidious, indeed."

He laughs a little if only to calm his nerves. "I don't think that's necessary at all," by then, the two of you reach his front door, "because Daniel already knows."

You frown, a touch confused. Yet, you make no comment while he unlocks his door and turns on the light. "Come in," he gestures for you once he enters the house.

Upon closing the door, you begin to scan around in mild curiosity, however, it is when your eyes are set on the taller Daniel that you speak once more. "Did you drag me here to reveal that he sleeps naked? Because I already got some vibes from him that he might be a freak deep down."

"What—No! No, nothing like that." Daniel laughs nervously. How does he even exude that vibe? Maybe he comes across as too eager for you... it's a subconscious thing, he can't help it. But that is not what matters at this very moment. "Let me show you."

He squats down next to his taller body, finding a nice angle to fall on. It takes him a moment before he summons his courage again, if only because it's the one time he ever shows the truth to anyone. Then, with another lungful of breath, he slaps at his taller body's head and finds his own eyes blacking out.

Immediately, light returns to his eyes again. He finds the vision in front of him is of none other than his own ceiling. Daniel springs up in his taller body like an automated toy. He immediately searches for you, hoping you haven't fled in the time he has taken to change. It's nowhere near enough to break for the door, but you haven't strayed far away from it since you entered.

He understands your apprehension. He does. But this is necessary. "Ta...da?"

"Uh..." You frown again. "What?"

"I..." He tries to find the word and struggles to narrow it down. In the end, he opts for the straightforward truth. "I have two bodies."

You edge back further towards the door. "...Interesting," you say, not showing an ounce of belief, "I think I'm going to leave now."

"No, wait!" Daniel scrambles for you and belatedly remembers that he is naked from the waist down, too. He pulls back, keeping firm of his modesty while hoping for the best that he can convince you from where he sits. "I really have two bodies, I know it's hard to believe but is it any easier to believe than two dudes having the same name living in the same house?"

"Statistically, it's more plausible than—" you air quote "—having two bodies."

He groans, a bit befuddled by your response, but he wouldn't back down there. Not after he already gets this far. "Listen, I know it's not easy to believe, but it's truth," he says, "see, whenever I'm awake, he isn't, and vice versa, look."

With a slap on his original body, his vision blackens out again. He never stays unconscious for long, however, his original body props up, turning to face you. "It's the truth," Daniel readjusts his glasses which has gone askew when he falls unconscious, "the two of us are one, him and I, all this time."

Slowly, you lower yourself down on the floor, trying to make sense of things. He can see your legs wobble. The struggle between leaving and staying because you want to understand as much as you want to wash your hands off this all together is apparent on your face. Daniel swallows, hoping that just this once, fates will be kind to him.

"That's a big claim you're making," you level your gaze with him, and he meets you evenly, even if his nerves are fraying at the edges, "even if that's the truth... you've concealing this the whole time?"

"...Only after I enrolled in Jaewon High," he admits, "the taller body came to be a day before I came to school. Since then... we've been one and the same, living under two identities while sharing the same mind."

"I don't get it," you frown, "scientifically, this is impossible."

He nods, "I know. I've been trying to make sense of it, too. There's so much more at play in this, I don't even know where to begin."

"So make it simple," you glare at him, "either you make it simple or I'll leave."

Again, he swallows. It'd be a struggle to find where to begin, but he finds it eventually. For once, he unloads the weight on his chest to somebody else. Your original scepticism eventually morphs to attentiveness. You emote little in the time he tells his story, everything from how he comes to accommodate this life to his involvement with the Four Crews.

It's a lengthy story, he has to admit. He fumbles a bit when it comes to his time with the homeless people. It's mortifying, to say the least, but he soldiers on because of you. Then comes everything afterwards, and finally, there he is, sitting in front of you and speaking the honest truth for the first time in days.

"There you have it..." He says. "I know it's not easy to believe but... it's everything which has been happening to me up until this point, I understand that you don't want to associate with us... with me, after this, but all of it is the truth, but I... I hope you understand why I wanted to keep this a secret."

By now, you have pulled your knees up against your chest while listening to him talk. You look a bit distracted by the end of it. Probably, you need the time to sort it out. He decides to be patient once more and wait until you put your words together.

It's a quiet type of agony to experience. Like waiting for the blade to hover above his neck, not knowing whether it will land down or he will live to see another day.

Finally, you speak, "Thank you for telling me. I'm trying to wrap my head around it but... I think I get some of it."

He nods, "O-Of course, thank you for listening. I... You deserve the truth, especially now that we're, uh," Daniel tugs at his collar, "dating, I should be honest with you about it... about all of it."

You press your lips together, again. "Can you... Can you do that thing again? The switch?"

"Of course! Of course," he turns to his other body once more, "let me..."

With a smack, the switch happens again. It's not often that he switches this rapidly in the same time frame, but the adjustment isn't so bad. He clambers to sit up again and immediately searches for you. Of course, rationally, he knows you wouldn't disappear in the split second he takes to change.

Yet, he worries anyway. The vulnerability scares him, but he loves you. What else he can do for the one he loves except baring the gentlest part of his soul? Even if it might hurt.

You sit there, still, much to his relief. Your gaze on him is apprehensive but you didn't leave and it's enough for him to feel hope. "Let's say I believe you," you say, "I'm not saying I do, but, even if I believe you... where does this leave us? Like, obviously, this is your secret, I'm not going to tell anyone but if you are him and he is you, does that mean I'm dating the both of you? How do we act now?"

"I mean," yeah, he hasn't thought that far, "I think it'd be prudent that we continue to stay like normal, but I do understand if you feel weird about this and want some distance. Even if we aren't going to be with each other anymore, you're a good friend of mine and I don't want to lose that."

Slowly, you nod. He knows not of what is going on in your mind, but you've heard the truth from him and had yet to kick up a fuss. It's better than the worst scenario he has drawn up in his mind, he doesn't know what to expect from there on.

"...I think I need to sleep on this," you get up on your feet, and a sigh slips past your lips, "I don't know what to think of yet but... I've never known you for bad intentions, Daniel. Let's hope I haven't perceived you wrong."

"I understand," he says, "let... let me walk you home, it's the least I can do."

Conflict passes your face at his offer, but in the end, you only give him a brief nod, "Okay," before unlocking the door and stepping outside.

He rushes into getting clothed afterwards. A spare t-shirt is thrown on with a pair of sweats. He looks dishevelled, but like always, this visage helps him get away with anything. Except for maybe, this new hole he has fallen in. However, he wastes no time dwelling on that and rushes outside. The fear of you leaving without him keeps creeping up at the back of his mind, but it vanishes when he sees you standing at his front door, your face is illuminated by the screen of your phone.

"Sorry for keeping you waiting," he apologizes, a bit sheepish.

"It's cool," you nod, "let's go."

Daniel has memorized the way from his home to yours because of his walk there every morning. Yet, while he always dashes there every other occasion, his current walk with you is torturously slow. You're distracted, he can see that, and on his side, he doesn't want to end his time with you either.

God knows it might be the last time you spend time willingly with him.

All good things come to an end. His good thing with you comes with a squeeze of his heart and an indescribable blue when he looks at you. He swallows on nothing again, wanting to reach out for you, but once again, finding that he cannot. You deserve your boundary and he gets it, but all he wants before this parting moment is to hold you in his arms and never let you go.

It's never that easy, however. "Good night, Daniel," you nod at him and he tries to not let the distance bother him.

It does anyway, he changes to ignore it instead. "Good night," his hand almost moves towards you, but he clenches his fist before he does something foolish, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"...Sure," you say, turning to look at him one last time before heading in, "see you tomorrow."

He doesn't leave immediately after your door closes. Normally, he'd blame it on his own unwillingness to be apart from you, but he knows it's more than that. All he can hope from there on is that you would one day understand.

Please.

[sarcasmandships]

how to save a life part 2︱spencer reid

word count: 8.7k

spencer reid x slight oc

spencer and veronica argue over him keeping their relationship from the team, but when spencer sustains a life-threatening gun shot wound it puts everything into perspective

angst + hurt/comfort with a n eventual happy ending 

this is not an x reader because i hate writing y/n in place of a character name and it often forces you into writing in second person which i also hate - however I have avoided giving specific descriptions of hair/eye/skin colour, height and body shape so feel free to imagine it like an x reader

this is also heavily inspired by greys anatomy and ive taken characters from the show to be side characters, however you do not need to have watched a single episode of greys to follow the story

warnings: spencer being shot, descriptions of blood, descriptions of surgery

read part one here! 

Veronica readjusted her dress for what felt like the 100th time that evening. The green, silk bodice was too restrictive; her feet ached from the stiletto heels April had picked out for her. She grabbed another glass of champagne from a passing waiter.

"That is for the guests!" April hissed, smacking her arm with her tiny clutch bag.

"And the hostages," Veronica said, raising her glass to an imaginary toast.

"Amen to that," Cristina agreed, taking a long sip of champagne from her own glass.

"You two are hopeless," April said, shaking her head before storming off.

"I like angry Kepner," Cristina chuckled.

"God, I can't breathe in this thing," Veronica gasped, pulling at the top of her dress again, "I think I've got a tension pneumothorax."

"Unfortunately, if I had a needle big enough to help you, I'd have stabbed myself in the eye hours ago," Cristina said, deadpan.

Veronica gave her a shaky laugh.

"Ooo, is that Kevin Gibbs?" Cristina said, suddenly filled with a burst of newfound energy as she spied a man at the next table, "oh, he is rich rich, I'm so getting a donation from him," she grinned before dashing off to take Kevin Gibbs' arm.

Veronica rolled her eyes as she watched Cristina twirl her hair and flutter her eyelashes; she was far too good at this. Veronica was left alone at the table, tired of pretending she was interested in anything these rich, old men had to say; she pulled her phone out to scroll through Twitter.

However, as she unlocked it, Spencer's name popped up on her screen, and her shrill ringtone cut through the low-level chatter and ambient music in the room. She hastily switched the phone to silent after receiving a few pointed glares but continued to stare blankly at the screen as it rang.

She did not want to speak to him.

But she had told him to keep in touch.

Via text, not a phone call.

But what if something was wrong.

Eventually, she clicked 'accept'.

"Spencer, I told you-"

"Hi, Veronica," the voice on the other end cracked, "it's Derek Morgan. We met earlier today..."

Veronica's blood ran cold as Derek spoke to her through the phone. She could hear the piercing wail of the sirens; it harmonised with Cristina's shrill laughter as she flirted with Kevin at the next table.

Blood was pounding in her ears. Her entire body was in free fall like she was being hurled down the drop of a rollercoaster that seemed to never end.

"... they're taking him to Stafford Grace Mercy West Hospital, meet us there when you can - I gotta go."

Derek hung up the phone.

Veronica stood frozen, her body trembling and mind spinning.

"Veronica!" Jackson snapped as he strutted towards her, "you're supposed to be getting donations, not standing in a corner drinking all the champagne…."

Veronica was staring straight at Jackson's face as he ranted, but she couldn't focus her eyes enough to see his furrowed brows or flared nostrils. Her mind was spinning at hyper speed, but everything around her moved in slow motion; she gripped onto the edge of the table.

"…are you even listening to me?" he snapped his fingers in front of Veronica's glazed eyes.

"Spencer was shot. In the chest, he's on the way to the hospital now," she said in a monotone, "I have to...I have to go...I..." Veronica clutched her head in her hands; the room would not stop spinning.

"Oh my god," Jackson gulped, "of course, go, go. Do you want me to come?"

Veronica stumbled away from him and towards the door. Why was the floor moving like that?

"No," she called back to him, "this is your event you can't leave, I just- I need to go," she turned on her heel and dashed out of the door.

The hospital was just up the street. Jackson had picked a venue close by so the doctors who didn't have the day off could get there quickly after work. Veronica pushed people out of the way as she staggered up the street; her feet didn't hurt anymore. Her whole body was just pins and needles.

She burst through the doors of the ER, in her floor-length, green dress and dazzling emerald necklace, with tears streaming down her face. Sections of her neatly pinned hair had broken free; she clutched her chest as she gasped for air. It was only a matter of time before someone called for a psychiatric consult.

With most of the other attendings at the gala, the interns and residents had swarmed like locusts to get their hands on a surgical case. Veronica pushed through the sea people, looking for someone she knew – why did all the residents look the same?

Veronica scanned the trauma rooms, hoping to catch sight of his messy hair. They were full of bloodied and beaten-up people, but none of them were Spencer. She had just stumbled through the double doors to the waiting area when she heard someone call her name.

"Veronica?"

She whipped her head around to see Derek Morgan standing in front of her. Several steps behind him, she noticed Penelope Garcia, who she recognised from this morning, and several other anxious FBI agents.

"Derek," she gasped, gripping onto his outreached hands, allowing herself to stabilise slightly, "w-what happened?"

"We were chasing down the unsub and Reid...he fell and just when he was getting back up, he got hit. It was bad luck. It caught him just above his vest."

"And he's in surgery now? I didn't see him in any of the trauma rooms?"

"They just took him up; come with us. You need to sit down," he said kindly, and Veronica allowed him to guide her over to the seats.

"Hi again," Garcia squeaked, but Veronica stared straight ahead and didn't answer her.

The others tried to introduce themselves, Aaron Hotchner, Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau, David Rossi. They were names she knew well from Spencer's last night rants about work, but she couldn't bring herself to look at any of them long enough to put a face to the name. Derek was trying to reassure her when Veronica caught sight of a familiar resident walking past with a tablet in her hand.

"Murphy!" she barked, "get over here."

Murphy's head snapped up, and she looked around rapidly to see where the voice had come from; when her eyes finally landed on Veronica, she looked at her quizzically but shuffled over.

"Dr Grey, I thought you were at the gala-"

"I need you to look up a patient for me, Spencer Reid - came in with a GSW to the chest and should be in surgery now."

"Dr Grey, what's going on?" Murphy said slowly, her eyes darting between Veronica and the team of agents behind her.

"Just do it, Murphy!" she ordered, and Spencer's teammates looked slightly taken aback.

"Okay, okay!" she said, typing rapidly on her tablet, "he's in surgery with Dr Hunt and Dr Altman for an exploratory thoracotomy...chest x-ray showed a GSW to the chest with the bullet lodged near the thoracic aorta...he was tachycardic and hypotensive when he came in, with substantial blood loss-"

Bile bubbled up in her throat, "what OR are they in?"

"Dr Grey, I can't-"

"What O.R, Murphy?" she snapped; she gripped the edge of the plastic chair to prevent herself from strangling the resident.

"OR one!"

"Okay... OR one. OR one has a gallery," Veronica mumbled to herself, she tapped her foot against the floor and her stiletto clacked against the linoleum.

"Dr Grey, you know you can't go up there when you aren't working-"

"Murphy, do you want a medical career?"

"Y-yes," she stammered.

"Then you'll get out of my way before I have the AMA strip your medical license," Veronica snapped; she stood up and gathered up the skirt of her dress as she began to power walk towards the elevator.

"Wait, where are you going?" Derek called after her.

"Spencer's in OR one, that OR has a viewing gallery... I'm going to watch his surgery," she said flatly before turning away and continuing along the hallway.

It wasn't until she was in the elevator and ready to push the OR floor button that she realised that Spencer's team was directly behind her.

"What are you guys doing?" she sighed as they piled into the elevator after her.

"He's one of us. We aren't gonna hang around a waiting room if we can be there with him," the blonde woman that Veronica thought was called Jennifer, retorted.

She was ready to argue. To protest that they weren't allowed in the gallery, that surgery wasn't for the faint-hearted. But then she looked at all their faces, desperate and distressed; they looked how she felt.

So, she closed her mouth and jabbed the button for the fifth floor.

The elevator seemed to take forever to reach the fifth floor. It stopped on three, and a huddle of surgical interns tried to cram in, but Veronica snapped at them before they had the chance.

"No. You get the next one," she glowered at them, and they could only give her nervous stammers and shaky head nods in response.

Veronica rolled her eyes at them as the doors crept shut again, with her arms folded tightly across her chest and tapped her foot against the floor.

"You seem to have a lot of authority here," Hotch commented.

"I'm an attending," she said bluntly, "they're interns - bottom of the surgical food chain, their only job is to stay out of our way and try not to kill anyone."

"That seems...harsh," Garcia whispered to Derek.

Veronica whipped her head around, "a hospital like this doesn't work without a hierarchy; it's how we learn. If we don't treat them that way, then they get too confident. Would you rather have an intern perform Spencer's exploratory thoracotomy or two surgeons with years of experience who are chiefs of their respective departments?"

Garcia gaped at her, but the elevator doors creaked open, saving her from trying to respond to Veronica's scathing comment.

"The gallery is this way," Veronica grunted under her breath as she exited the elevator and crept up a short flight of stairs.

"That wasn't very nice; Garcia was only making an observation," JJ whispered to Emily as they followed Veronica.

"Who is this woman?" Emily responded, equally as confused as to why they were following this random woman around a hospital.

Derek turned round to face them, "she's Spencer's girlfriend-"

"Girlfriend!" Emily gasped, "did he ever mention a girlfriend to any of you?" she asked, looking between JJ and Derek.

"No, not once…." JJ frowned.

"He didn't tell me as much as he was forced to, that's why he's been acting so off recently, but I couldn't really get many details from him about her, so don't ask me anything - she's just worried about him like we are, she's on edge too."

Veronica burst into the gallery, which was thankfully empty. She pressed her forehead up against the viewing window and saw Spencer lying on the table. The glass was cool against her forehead, which seemed to somewhat soothe her pounding headache.

Spencer's face was draped, she couldn't see his eyes, but she could see his half of his rib cage. That unsettled her; she wasn't supposed to be able to see into her boyfriend's chest cavity. Veronica clung to the glass as she staggered to the intercom on the wall; she pushed the button that allowed them to hear what was being said in the OR.

"... there's a lot of bleeding here, more suction!" Dr Altman demanded.

"Right away, doctor."

Veronica flicked the switch that allowed her to be heard in the OR, "Owen," she said slowly, and he looked up at her in shock, "I need you to save him."

"Veronica, you're supposed to be at the fundraiser. What are you doing here?"

"Owen, listen to me," she pleaded, her voice cracking, "I need you to save him."

"Well, of course, I'm gonna try and save him, Veronica I don't understand-"

"Oh god," Dr Altman said as she suddenly realised what was happening, "Spencer Reid... he's your Spencer. I met him at Owen and Cristina's wedding; we talked so much about the Mechanical Complications of Acute Myocardial Infarction I thought he was a surgeon too…."

Veronica nodded silently.

Her Spencer.

She couldn't control the sob that wracked her body. She was vaguely aware of Garcia placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah, so I need you to save him," she sniffed, "because if he dies, I will literally go out of my fucking mind, and I won't be much of a neurosurgeon from the psych floor."

"Veronica, you should be up here," Owen said as he forced another clamp into Spencer's chest, "how did you even know where he was?"

"Murphy told me," she said, "but it wasn't her fault, so don't go and yell at her; I told her I'd have her medical licence taken away."

Owen paused, "you can't do that, though."

"She doesn't know that! Please just save him. I need you to save him."

"I-" Dr Altman hesitated, "we'll do everything we can, V, I promise you."

"Thank you, Teddy," she whispered through her tears; she flicked the button off again so they wouldn't be distracted by her sobs.

Veronica collapsed into a chair in the middle of the front row and kicked her heels off. Spencer's team had shuffled into the rows behind her and sat, whispering quietly among themselves and clutching onto each other.

"V-veronica," Garcia finally spoke after around an hour of near silence, "I know you're a different kind of doctor, but what are they doing? I don't understand any of these medical terms. Can you explain it?"

Veronica twisted slowly in her seat to face her, revealing her mascara coated cheeks and puffy eyes. She nodded slowly.

"They're doing a surgery called an exploratory thoracotomy; they're trying to remove all the bullet fragments from his chest cavity. Their main concern is that the bullet hit very close to the thoracic aorta, which is a major vessel that carries blood from the heart to the rest of the body."

"B-but it didn't hit his aorta, so that's good, right?"

"Right, cos' if it had, then he'd have bled out seconds after he was hit," Veronica paused to swallow the vomit creeping up her throat as she imagined Spencer's bloodless body lying in the morgue, "but the impact of the bullet creates shock waves when it enters the body. Considering the proximity to the thoracic aorta, it could weaken it and cause an aortic dissection."

"And that's bad?"

Veronica nodded gravely, "they're almost always fatal, the blood loss becomes too uncontrollable, and even the best surgeons, like Dr Altman and Dr Hunt, can't do anything," she turned back around to face the OR as a fresh set of tears threatened to spill over.

"Oh," was all Garcia could muster up.

"Those doctors, are they really the best?" Emily asked.

Veronica nodded, "Owen, Dr Hunt is head of trauma surgery, and Teddy, Dr Altman, is head of cardiothoracic surgery. They served together in Iraq; they've put soldiers half blown apart by bombs back together, if anyone can save Spencer - it's them," she reassured.

"Good to know..." Emily said in uncertainty, wrapping a comforting arm around JJ, who was silently sobbing into a tissue.

"What you need to understand is that every GSW is different, which is what makes them so difficult to fix, and when a bullet enters the body, it not only tears through structures, but the transfer of kinetic energy can cause damage to nearby tissues, like what I was saying about his thoracic aorta," she explained slowly, "that's why GSWs are so dangerous because the damaged area can ripple out around the entry wound."

"But you think he'll be okay, right?" JJ sniffed.

Veronica hesitated; she glanced back at Spencer's motionless body on the table. Her eyes scanning the monitors he was hooked up to, the constant stream of O neg he was being replenished with, the rip spreaders and clamps in his chest…

She felt sick again and had to turn away.

"I don't know. He hasn't been in surgery very long… it's just too early to say."

"There isn't anything more we can do for him now," Hotch spoke gravely, "he's in the hands of the people who are best trained to help him; we just need to trust that they are doing everything they can to save him."

Hotch's words had a sense of finality, and the room fell close to silent again with only Veronica, Garcia and JJ's sniffles and sobs echoing around the dimly lit room. Derek help Garcia's hand tightly in his own, JJ rested her head on Emily's shoulder, Hotch and Rossi sat next to each other, their faces stoic and stony. Veronica sat alone, tugging at the restrictive bodice of her dress every few seconds.

They sat like that for at least another two hours.

Suddenly, the monitors attached to Spencer began beeping rapidly, Veronica's heart seized, and she jumped to her feet to get a better view.

"What's happening to him?" Garcia whimpered; she clung onto Derek's arm as he also stood up and strained his neck to see.

"He's in DIC!" Teddy's voice echoed through the intercom, "push heparin," she ordered.

"Veronica, what's going on?" Derek asked; he tried to keep his voice steady, but it wavered slightly.

"He's in DIC, disseminated intravascular coagulation - it means that proteins in the blood that cause clotting go into overdrive, which actually causes excessive bleeding. If they don't control the blood loss, it's fatal."

"Lap pads! And more suction! I can't see a thing," Owen demanded as he packed Spencer's chest cavity to absorb the excess blood.

"And hang another unit of O neg, he's losing too much blood," Teddy added, "there was nothing in his medical history that indicated he was at risk of DIC...Veronica! Is he on blood thinners?"

Veronica dragged herself over to the intercom and pushed in on the button, "n-no, nothing like that, he takes zolpidem sometimes, but that wouldn't cause DIC..." she muttered.

Something clicked in her brain, and she spun round to face Derek, "you said he fell before he got shot."

Derek nodded, "that's right, the woman the unsub had abducted pushed past him to escape, and he fell down the full flight of stairs. That distracted me long enough for the unsub to get a shot in at him...."

"Teddy! He fell before he was shot, he fell down a flight of stairs, he could have a splenic injury or a laceration on the portal vein or hepatic artery- it wouldn't have been picked up on a chest x-ray. You have to do an ex-lap!"

"Veronica, we've already cracked his chest-" Owen began to protest.

"Pressures dropping, doctor!"

Veronica banged on the glass, "he'd rather be alive with two incisions than dead with one."

"Dr Hunt, you're the trauma surgeon this your call," Teddy said calmly, "but we need to do something and fast."

"We don't even know if he has a splenic injury! We can't take medical suggestions from our patient's hysterical girlfriend; that isn't how it works-"

"He's dying," Veronica wailed, "and he's going to die if you don't do something. If it were Cristina on my table, you would be begging me to do whatever it takes to save her. Teddy – you promised me you would do everything you could, and you're not doing anything! He's bleeding to death, and you aren't helping him," she sobbed against the glass.

Teddy and Owen exchanged a look.

"10 blade," Owen grimaced, and Veronica breathed a sigh of relief, "you better be right about this Grey – convert drapes for an ex-lap!"

"Oh God, I can't watch this," JJ said; she flopped back into her seat as Owen made a deep incision into Spencer's abdomen.

Despite dealing with horrific crime scenes daily, everyone else in the team had to follow JJ's lead as floods of blood gushed from the incision site. Garcia, who had screwed her eyes shut the minute the monitors started beeping, was rocking herself back and forth and mumbling under her breath.

"Okay, I need more suction! I'm seeing some damage to the hepatic artery," Teddy said, "can you ligate it from your side?"

"Yeah, I think so, clamp!"

Veronica wished she could be like Spencer's team. She wished she didn't have a medical degree; she wished she didn't know every possible thing that could go wrong from this point forward. She wished she could close her eyes or at least tear them away from the scene that would plague her nightmares for years to come.

She could hardly believe it when his pressure finally stabilised; she embraced the smile that crept onto her face as she watched the readings on the monitor slowly begin to climb up.

"You can open your eyes now; they ligated the artery and stopped the bleeding, combined with the heparin that should be enough to keep him stable for now."

"For now?" JJ questioned.

"He's doing well; that injury could've been fatal, but he pulled through, and that's good; it's just that I don't want to tell you he's out of the woods when he's far from it."

"It's been hours," JJ said, "how much longer before we know if he'll be okay?"

Veronica shrugged, "probably a couple more hours; they need to make sure the wall of the thoracic aorta is strong enough before they close and remove all the bullet fragments; they need to take their time."

"You'll have to forgive us, Dr Grey," Hotch spoke quietly, "we don't have the patience for this kind of thing like you do."

"It's okay, and you can call me Veronica," she smiled nervously and picked at her nails.

This was what she'd wanted all along, to meet Spencer's team. But now, she was standing in front of them and couldn't think of a single thing to say. She had imagined this moment every night for months, but never in her wildest dreams did it go like this.

"Veronica then," he said stiffly, "so you said you're a neurosurgeon?"

"Yeah," she said, tearing her eyes away from the surgery in front of her to face him, "that's how Spencer and I met; he came to a lecture I gave on the Endoscopic Fenestration of Arachnoid Cysts Through Lateral Pontomesencephalic Membranotomy, cos' that's just the kind of things he does for fun," she snorted.

"Sounds like him," Hotch said, smiling fondly.

"I just can't believe he never told us about you," Emily commented, "and I can't believe we never figured it out; I mean, come on, guys, we're meant to be profilers."

Veronica gritted her teeth, "Yeah, me neither..."

"Veronica!" Jackson said, bursting through the door to the gallery, "I just got away from the gala; how's he doing?" he asked, rushing over to embrace her in a tight hug.

"He's stable for now; his temp has come up a lot since he got here, but he did go into DIC, and they had to convert to an ex-lap..."

"Owen and Teddy will be doing everything they can; he'll be okay."

She nodded, "I know...I just want it to be over; even if he was in the CCU, I could handle it, but he's lying open on an operating table, and I can't help him."

He rubbed circles on her back soothingly, "it'll be over soon. Can I get you anything?"

"Something to change into. I don't think I have any clothes in my locker, but just grab me some scrubs... I'd take a patient gown if it meant I could get out of this dress," she said, tugging again at the restrictive top.

"You got it," he said, breaking away from their hug, "April wanted to come and be with you, but Harriett's with the sitter and she had to-"

"Don't worry about it, just get me something to wear. I can't breathe in this thing."

"Yeah, I'm on it," he said, giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead, "Cristina's on her way; she'll be here soon."

Jackson shuffled out of the gallery, giving a nod and a tight-lipped smile to the others as he passed them. Veronica retook a seat.

"That was Jackson," Veronica explained, noting the confused faces of the BAU team members, "Dr Jackson Avery, he works here too, but he was stuck at the gala - we were having this fundraiser for this hospital...stupid...."

"V! I just heard; why didn't you tell me?" Cristina burst into the gallery in a similar fashion to Jackson, "I had to hear from freaking Avery that your sexy FBI boyfriend got shot?" she berated as she sat down next to Veronica.

Veronica shrugged, "Jackson was there when I got the call. You were busy turning up the charm for that rich old sleaze."

Cristina shoved her lightly, "I'll have you know that rich old sleaze donated 1.5 million dollars to this hospital," she said smugly.

"Show off," Veronica grunted, folding her arms over her chest.

Cristina stood up to peer through the glass, "supervisory sexy agent, has Owen and Teddy working on him? You need to calm down and stop chewing your nails; he'll be fine."

Veronica rolled her eyes, "you need to stop calling my boyfriend supervisory sexy agent, or you'll be the one on the table."

"Aw, come on, I'm kidding! My husband is right down there...oh my god, my husband saves your boyfriend from a GSW? That'll be such a good story for me to tell your kids."

"Can we wait to see if he makes it off the table before we start discussing our hypothetical children?"

"Boring."

Jackson returned at that moment, "sorry, I didn't know your scrub size, so I just guessed. And you didn't have any shoes in your locker, so I stole some sneakers from April, you're the same size, and she won't mind - I also brought you some of her makeup wipes," he rambled, handing her the pile of clothes.

"Stealing shoes from your ex-wife now?" Cristina teased as Jackson sat down on the other side of Veronica, "I thought pretty boy Avery was rich enough to buy his own," she cooed.

Veronica stood up and slid the scrub pants on under her dress, and pulled the scrub top over the top. Cristina unzipped her dress, and she let out a deep breath as the pressure on her rib cage was released; she shimmied the dress off and threw it over an empty chair.

"Shut up, Yang," Jackson grunted.

"Children, behave," Veronica said warningly as she slipped on the socks and shoes she was borrowing from April.

Veronica sat back down and finished wiping off the makeup that hadn't been flushed away by her tears. Jackson gripped her hand tight in his, and she smiled appreciatively at him; Cristina gave her a pat on the shoulder.

"Guys, what if he dies?" she whispered as they watched Teddy and Owen work away on Spencer.

"He won't," Jackson protested, "he didn't code in the field, and the majority of GSW victims without penetrating vascular injuries survive if they get to a hospital on time."

"There is a bullet in his chest cavity! That is a penetrating injury," she blubbered.

"But it didn't directly damage his heart or any major arteries; yes, they could be weakened by force, but he's been in surgery for hours, and nothing has ruptured – plus after they close him up, we'll monitor him closely, and he will be okay," he said with a squeeze of her hand.

"Avery's right. It's far more likely he'll be a vegetable or something," Cristina shrugged.

"Yang! His best friends are right behind you," Jackson hissed.

"They are?" Cristina said, whipping her head around, "oh, hi."

Cristina gave them a wave, and they stared back dumbfounded.

"Who the hell are these people?" Emily hissed.

"I don't know, but they seem to think that Spence is gonna be okay, and that's all that matters to me," JJ answered.

"He could still die; people die from GSWs all the time. There could be complications, he could get an infection-"

"Look, Veronica, if the worst happens, then we can cross that bridge when we come to it, okay? And you know we'll all be here for you, no matter what," Jackson said, and Veronica smiled appreciatively at him.

"Thank you," she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Y'know, you should've married him when you had the chance - cos' if he dies and you were his wife, you'd get that life insurance. If he dies now, you'll just be poor and sad."

"Cristina!"

"No, it's okay," Veronica said with a slight smile, "it helps."

"God, talk about a dark sense of humour...."

"I think I'm just still drunk," Cristina shrugged.

"I think I'm hungover already; my head is killing me," Veronica groaned, massaging her temples.

"Want me to get you a banana bag?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah, why not."

Jackson stood up and made his way across the gallery and to the door; he turned back to face the BAU team members, "can I get anything for you guys? Coffee, water…I wouldn't recommend the food, but we got vending machines."

"No, thank you," Hotch answered politely, "anyone else?"

The rest of the team shook their heads or mumbled no thank-yous in response. Jackson gave them a sympathetic smile before leaving; JJ's stare was still firmly fixed on Veronica.

"What did she mean? You should've married him when you had the chance?" she asked.

"It means that supervisory sexy agent-"

"Cristina!"

"Fine, Spencer, asked V to marry him, and she said no cos' she can't let herself be happy."

"That isn't why I said no, and you know it."

"Well, no. But your real reason is stupid, so I'm gonna say it's your self-destructive tendencies instead. Do you know what I've give to never have to interact with Owen's dumb work friends? You're getting the best of both worlds here."

"You work in the same hospital! Owen's dumb work friends are your colleagues."

"Ugh, whatever."

"You turned Reid down because of us?" Rossi questioned, speaking for the first time since they had entered the gallery.

"It's a bit more complicated than that-"

"What's wrong with us? You didn't even meet us until today?" JJ snapped.

Veronica sighed and picked at her nails; her first interaction with Spencer's friends already wasn't going very well, and now she had to tread lightly as to not offend anyone.

"That's the problem; it took Spencer getting shot in the chest for us to meet because he refused to tell you about me; how could I marry someone when I'd never even met his friends? It's what we argue about more than anything else. We argued about it this morning actually...."

The blood drained away from Veronica's face as the events of the day flashed through her mind.

She turned to face Cristina, "oh God, we were arguing this morning about it, and again when I dropped his phone off at work - the last conversation we ever had was about that stupid argument. What if he dies thinking that I'm pissed off at him? I didn't even tell him I loved him before I stormed off," she said, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Well, he's a profiler, right? Even if you didn't say it, he would be able to tell...."

"He's a genius, not a psychic, Cristina."

"She's right," Derek interjected, "before he lost consciousness, he told me to call you and tried to say something else; he kept saying tell her... he never got to finish, but I'm sure it was just that he loved you."

"He really said that?"

 Derek nodded, and a weight was lifted from Veronica's shoulders, although she quickly felt uneasy again when Jackson returned, IV kit and banana bag in hand.

 "Okay, I know you don't like needles, but it'll make you feel better, so give me your arm," he demanded.

 Veronica huffed and begrudgingly gave him her arm; she winced as he pushed the needle through her skin, "ow! I thought plastic surgeons were supposed to have a gentle touch."

 "Plastics is barely even a real speciality; Avery gives boob jobs on the daily – we do real surgeries and save lives."

 "Hey! I'm also a qualified ENT, and I practically run the burn unit-"

 "Guys," Veronica groaned, "can you have your little dick-measuring-contest another time? Maybe like when my boyfriend isn't lying open on an operating table?" she said, gently massaging the tender skin around her IV.

 "You said you liked my dark humour!"

 "Only when it's funny," she sat down again and massaged her temples "hey, I think they're nearly done," Veronica cheered.

 She dashed over to the intercom, "Are you guys closing him up?"

 Teddy nodded, "yeah, and then we'll be taking him up to the CCU. You should get some rest before he wakes up," she advised.

 "He's going to be okay, Veronica," Owen said; she couldn't see his face under his mask, but she could tell he was smiling.

 Veronica couldn't fight the grin spreading across her own face; Spencer was going to live. He was going to make it off the table. Now all she had to do was pray that he woke up because Veronica didn't know how she would cope if she never saw his eyes again.

 "He's really going to be okay?" JJ whispered; she held her hands up to her lips in a prayer formation as fresh tears spilt over onto her cheeks.

 Emily pulled her into a tight embrace and stroked her hair, "Hey, don't cry. The doctor said he's going to be okay."

 She nodded against Emily's chest, "I know, these are happy tears – it's just I've been sitting here for the past four hours wondering what I would tell Henry if his Uncle Spence died and now, he's going to be okay, and I'm crying more than when I thought he was going to die…stupid," she mumbled.

 "It's not stupid," Veronica offered kindly, "your body has been in panic mode and how that you're finally able to relax a bit, you get an emotional outburst that makes you cry – it's totally normal," she said, tentatively reaching out her hand to take JJ's.

 She nodded and gave Veronica's hand a squeeze, smiling at her for the first time since they had met. The mood in the room had shifted as the BAU members slowly began to accept that their teammate was going to live, and the nervous tension began to dissipate.

 "Teddy's going to close him up and then wheel him up to the CCU, Cristina are you staying or coming home?" Owen's voice echoed through the intercom.

"I'm staying obviously!" she said indignantly.

Veronica shook her head, "no, it's okay, you go home."

"V, I can't leave you here-"

"It's fine, Cristina. You're working in the morning, and you'll need to be here for rounds at 6am, and you won't be any use to anyone if you're sleep-deprived. So, go home. Besides, I've got Avery to keep me company."

Cristina gave her an appreciative smile and squeezed her hand one last time before she left the room. A wave of jealousy surged in Veronica's chest as Cristina disappeared from her line of sight; it wasn't her fault that she was going home with her husband whilst Spencer was being stitched back together. But that didn't make it hurt any less.

 "I'm so sorry, V," Jackson said, holding up his phone, "it's one of my burn patients, she's got an infection, and I think I'm the only sober attending after the gala…I can send a resident-"

 "No, no, it's okay," she smiled sadly, "go and help your patient; she needs you more than I do."

 "Page me if you need anything," he said, kissing her forehead gently before leaving her alone with the BAU team.

 She was in a room with seven other people, but she had never felt more alone. They were clutching onto each other, whispering amongst themselves and smiling; Veronica didn't have anyone.

She shuffled away from the displays of affection and picked up her dress and shoes, "I'm going to put this stuff in the attending's lounge, there's coffee in there if you want anything – and on-call room seven is always empty if any of you need to sleep. He won't be awake for a while; you should get some rest," she said, giving them a tight-lipped smile.

 "Thank you, Veronica," Derek said; he nodded over Garcia's head as he held her in his arms, "I don't think any of us will get much sleep until pretty boy wakes up, though."

 Veronica laughed, "pretty boy, I always thought he was exaggerating when he said you called him that. If you don't want to sleep, that's fine, but you can't stay in here – the interns like to hang out in here before pre-rounds, and they'll be here soon," she said before gripping onto her IV pole and swiftly exiting the gallery.

 Tears burned in her eyes as she made her way to the attending's lounge, grabbing a replacement banana bag from the nurse's station on her way; Spencer was going to be okay. He was going to wake up and have his team to comfort him, fetch him jello, keep him company through the recovery and bring homemade meals to his apartment. What else could she do for him that they couldn't?

 She burst into the attending's lounge and slammed the door shut behind her. She let out a heart-wrenching sob as she shoved the dress into her locker, growing frustrated and kicking it when the poufy, underlayers of the skirt wouldn't fit.

Maybe that's why he had never introduced her to the team because he already had seven people who loved him unconditionally and could give him all the love he needed. And Spencer didn't want her to know that; what could she do for him that they couldn't?

Veronica darted into the bathroom and held her own hair bag as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl. Maybe she was just a fuck to Spencer, an outlet to release his frustrations after a hard day. Assuming he wasn't fucking any of his teammates, that was the only thing she was good for that they couldn't give.

 Derek said that his last words before he passed out were about her; he asked him to call her. He tried to give her a message – why did Veronica not share Derek's confidence that the message was I love you?

She flushed the toilet and washed her mouth out with water from the tap. Her headache was beginning to subside, but she still switched out her banana bag before she limped out of the bathroom, using the IV pole as a support.

Veronica threw herself onto the couch. She wanted to scream, or kick something else or rip her own hair out, but she simply didn't have the energy to do anything except shut her eyes and drift off to sleep. The image of Spencer's open chest cavity and the knowledge that his team were everything she was and more burned into her brain.

 ***

Spencer's brain was awake before his body was. He was acutely aware of people moving around his room, but their voices were muffled, and he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes to see who they were.

 There was a tight sensation in his throat, and suddenly, Spencer started gagging violently.

 "He's fighting the intubation!" a voice called out, "page Dr Altman."

 Dr Altman. He knew that name, he thought to himself. But his brain was still too hazy from the anaesthesia to think straight. Dr Altman…something to do with cardiothoracic surgery – probably one of his doctors. But where had they met before?

 He felt hands all over him, grabbing at his neck and face; there was a horrible scraping sensation in his throat, and then he could breathe freely again. He's fighting the intubation, the voice had said. That was good; that meant he was breathing on his own.

 However, he couldn't appreciate the joy of knowing he wouldn't be hooked to a ventilator for the rest of his life whilst his throat ached like that. The tube had been removed, but he still felt his gag reflex at the threshold of triggering.

 He really needed to get Veronica more credit for that.

 His limbs were heavy, he tried to at least wriggle his fingers, but they wouldn't move. The muffled voices which echoed around him were beginning to become clearer; he could make out what sounded to be JJ's voice by his head.

 Finally, his brain allowed his eyes to flicker open. But he immediately wanted to screw them shut again when the blinding fluorescent glare of the ceiling lights shone down on him.

"Oh my god," JJ gasped, "he's awake!"

 He couldn't move his head to see her, but her worried face quickly appeared in front of his, "Spencer? Spencer, can you hear me?" she asked frantically.

"Ow," he mumbled in response.

 "Thank God you're okay," she said, stroking his hair as tears streamed down her cheeks.

 "You gave us a scare, pretty boy."

 Spencer strained his eyes enough to see Derek standing in the corner; he leant against the wall with his arms folded tight across his chest, but Spencer could clearly see the grin he was fighting.

 "What happened?" he groaned, trying to readjust his body into a more comfortable position.

 "Hey, don't try and move," JJ scolded lightly, "the nurse said that you'll be groggy from the anaesthesia for a while," she took his hand in hers and squeezed it gently.

 "Did we get him? The unsub?"

 "Yeah, don't you worry about him, kid, he's going away for a long time," Derek reassured, "he got a shot in at you before we could take him down… I'm so sorry, kid, you fell, and it distracted me long enough for him to shot you before I could shoot him."

 "Hey, it's not your fault," JJ said, "it could've happened to any of us."

Spencer nodded in agreement but didn't try and speak again; his head was throbbing, and he closed her eyes again, the darkness providing some brief relief from the brilliant light above his head. But with every passing second, Spencer became increasingly aware of the dull aches in his chest and abdomen, the pain growing sharper with each intake of breath.

 "How many times did I get shot?" he groaned, "I can't remember anything…but my whole body hurts."

 JJ bit her lip as she continued to stroke his hair, "just once, Spence, but you fell down the stairs just before you got him and it injured…something, I don't know what – I can't remember what she said," JJ looked over to Derek for a prompt, but he shook his head in response.

 "Hey, don't look at me; I didn't understand a single word any of those doctors said," Derek shrugged, "Dr Altman is coming to check on you, though, kid. I'm sure she'll explain it all to you."

 Dr Teddy Altman!

They met at Cristina and Owen's wedding; Spencer could tell she was in love with the groom and distracted her with a rant on Mechanical Complications of Acute Myocardial Infarction. She was Veronica's friend.

 Oh god, Veronica. She must be so worried – if Derek had even called her that was, she might be oblivious to his condition. Spencer was ready to open his mouth to as about her, but JJ was already speaking again before he had the chance.

 "…and our resident genius will definitely be able to understand better than us," she said, pressing a gentle kiss against his forehead, "I've never been so nervous as when we were sitting in that gallery, thank god those doctors fixed you up."

 "Wait, what gallery?" Spencer asked, opening his eyes to squint at her, her words distracting him long enough to forget to ask about Veronica.

 JJ paused and exchanged a look with Derek, "we hoped you wouldn't mind – we were in the OR gallery during your surgery, but we didn't actually see anything," she reassured, "none of us could actually bring ourselves to watch, but we just wanted to be there, in case anything happened to you."

 "Not that we'd have been much help," Derek chuckled, "but I got you to the hospital in one piece. I wasn't about to let you out of my sight until you were stable."

 Spencer nodded slowly, "how did you even get in there?" he mumbled.

"Veronica," Derek said, "you asked me to call her, and she came straight over, but she wasn't about to sit around in any waiting room, so she found out where you were…we just followed her up there."

 Spencer tugged on his blanket, "so…you met her then?"

 JJ nodded stiffly, "we did."

 "Oh. Suppose I did ask you to call her, I don't know what I expected…."

 "We didn't get a chance to talk much," Derek said carefully, "you were touch-and-go a bit in surgery, so it was a bit too tense for small talk."

 JJ moved away from him and sat back in the chair next to his bed; she picked at her nails, "I don't get why you never told us about her, Spence?"

Spencer didn't answer her. This was not how he wanted this conversation to go; in fact, he was hoping he'd never have to have this conversation at all. The rational part of his brain knew that was unrealistic, but the rational part of his brain didn't seem to exist when it came to protecting Veronica.

 He shrugged, "I didn't think you guys needed to know."

 Derek unfolded his arms and moved out of the corner, coming to rest at the end of Spencer's bed, "didn't need to know? You've been making excuses about this to me all day, kid. And I'm not buying the - you wanted to have something to yourself - bullshit anymore-"

 "You asked her to marry you," JJ said, her voice cracking slightly, "you wanted her to be your wife, but you didn't even tell us about her? Were you just going to get married without any of us there?"

 "She told you that?"

 Spencer had the strength to ball one of his fists; this was going horribly. The tension he had created in his hand spread up his arm and along to his chest. He grimaced as another sharp stab of pain rippled across his body.

 JJ shook her head, "no, her friend mentioned it, and we overheard. I don't get it, Spence, we're supposed to be like family, and she…we didn't get to talk, but she seems nice. And she's a doctor – she's smart like you, and she obviously loves you. Did you think we wouldn't like her?"

 "No, and she said no to me anyway, so it doesn't matter…."

 "She only said no because you wouldn't introduce her to us," Derek stated bluntly, "that's what she said when we asked her about it and considering I didn't even know she existed till this morning, I can't say that I blame her."

 "Guys, I will explain later, I promise," Spencer began as he tried to sit up in the bed, "but I need to talk to Veronica. Right now – where is she?"

 "She is in a patient room down the hall," Dr Altman said as she waltzed into the room and picked up Spencer's chart from the end of his bed, "nice to see you awake, Dr Reid."

 "A patient room – i-is she okay?" Spencer stammered.

 Teddy peered over the chart to look at his concerned face, "she'll be fine, she's just dehydrated and a bit hungover – we've got her on an IV. Besides, the couch in the attending's lounge is not the place you want to sleep unless you want to give yourself scoliosis."

 Spencer tried to move one of his legs, "I need to go see her, I need to explain everything, I-"

 "You need to lay back down," Teddy said as she moved over to his bedside and pressed her stethoscope against his chest, "I need to listen to your chest, take a deep breath for me-"

Spencer begrudgingly breathed in.

"-breath sounds are clear and equal, that's a good sign," Teddy said, hanging the stethoscope back around her neck, "and your latest round of labs are all within normal limits. Dr Hunt and I were able to remove all the bullet fragments during surgery, we were concerned that the impact could've weakened the wall of your thoracic aorta, but it seems unaffected."

 Spencer nodded, "okay."

“We had to convert to an exploratory laparotomy mid-surgery; you had some bleeding in your abdomen which we needed to repair; that's why you have two incision sites. They will likely leave scars, I'm afraid, but the abdominal bleeding triggered a condition called DIC and would have been fatal had we not caught the bleeders."

 Spencer's brain was spinning. He knew he had been in bad shape, but he really nearly died. He needed to talk to Veronica, and fast.

 "…it was actually Veronica who made the connection between your fall and the bleeding. She wasn't even operating, and she saved your life," Teddy smiled at him, "I just need to take a peek at your incision sites, and then I'll be out of your hair."

 Spencer winced as she lifted up his bandages to take a closer look.

 "Okay, they look all good and no signs of infection. You will need at least another day for observation; I'll get the nurse to administer your post-op antibiotics, so let her know if there's anything else you need."

 "He won't admit it, but he's in pain. Can he get any more morphine or something?" JJ asked, biting her nail.

 "What? No, I'm fine. I don't need any more painkillers; I'm all good!"

Teddy raised an eyebrow at him, "you just had major surgery, but you don't want more pain meds?" she asked sceptically, "you aren't maxed out on anything; I can order more-"

 "No," Spencer snapped, "I mean…no thank you, Dr Altman. They make me too disoriented, and I need to be clear-headed when I talk to Veronica," he said, adjusting his tone.

 Teddy gave him one last suspicious look before she moved back towards the door, "okay, no more pain meds. I'll let Veronica know you're awake," she said before exiting the room, closing the sliding glass door behind her.

 Spencer let out a deep sigh of relief and relaxed back into his pillows slightly. Even the brief conversation with Dr Altman had left him exhausted, so he wasn't sure how he would manage when the rest of the team flocked to his bedside to question him about his condition and Veronica.

 Veronica.

That was going to be a long conversation.

JJ and Derek stayed by his side as the nurse came in to administer his antibiotics, just as Dr Altman had said.

 "Hotch and Rossi had to go sort some things out with the arrest," Derek had informed him, "they said they'll stop by later when they can."

 "And Emily and Garcia are in the cafeteria, we've let them know you're awake, but we didn't want to overwhelm you with too many visitors at once," JJ explained, "and Garcia really needed some sugar. She's been freaking out, Emily's trying to get her to eat something," she chuckled.

 "I feel bad I caused all this stress…." Spencer mumbled.

 "Course we're worried about you, Spence; we're a family. But you didn't cause us stress; it's not your fault," JJ reassured; she leaned closer to Spencer to grip his hand in hers.

"Exactly, it's the unsub's fault. You didn't choose to get shot," Derek added; he shuffled over to the bed from his corner and took hold of Spencer's other hand.

 The three of them sat in comfortable and heartfelt silence for a few moments with their hands intertwined until they were interrupted by a hesitant voice in the doorway.

"Uh, sorry, I did mean to interrupt. I'll come back later…."

part 3 coming soon

sorry there’s not too much spencer in this part, i promise there will be more in part 3 when veronica and spencer have their confrontation 

if you enjoyed this please consider leaving a comment as it really keeps me motivated, and reblogging! i really appreciate likes but on the tumblr reblogs are the only way to get my work out there x

tagging anyone who commented on part 1, message me/ comment if you want to be tagged for part 3:

@dilaurantisbitch

masterlist

i also take imagine requests!

[fatcowboys]

i expected this new years to be just average bc covid means i wasnt w anyone and also long distance relationship meant i was just planning on playing games and doing like. animal crossing countdown bc thats cute but! in a plot twist i didnt do that and it was very good

[[MORE]]

my dad always likes to do zoom calls w his family and they all do a shot for new years bc its tradition or something and i never do it bc i dont drink much esp not shots bc they dont taste good. and that was meh But! afterwards me and my sisters and their boyfriends did our own zoom hangout and the vibes were very good and abby couldnt stay long bc she had to drive home so me and sam and jb hung out til 230

and we talked about games and ttrpgs and people we like to criticize and talked shit about my dad and talked abt queerness and i told them the name ive been using and it all just felt very natural and casual. like i dont put the energy into coming out a lot to people who already know me as a previous name because often it just ends up being Heavy but it felt very natural and Easy. which was so nice. and by the time we ended the call they both had used my name and slipped into it so easily like no hesitation no slipping like they had always known me as Blue.

and it was just. such a good evening. before sam went to college i wasnt a big fan of her partly bc my own anxiety was at its worse and she could be Very overstimulating and i didnt know how to deal with that at the time. and also we both were miserable in hometown and just hard lmao. but today was good and easy to talk with her bc we both have grown so much in very good ways. its just very nice that we both have taken very different paths of getting out of bad hometown shit and hard family stuff but have each figured stuff out and are so much better for it.

and ive always vibed so well with JB like we have so many good overlaps of hobbies that hes so fun to talk to we talked about so many games we both love and so many good things and the vibes were good and laughter was good man if i lived in LA id be his friend bc hes very cool and good.

idk. i have a hard time just like. talking with people and not overthinking everything i say or constantly stumbling on words and theres a short list of folks i can hang out with and just feel very natural and not caught up in overthinking and tonight was just a good night

[wing-ed-thing]

Cabaret (Might Guy x Reader, Chapter VII)

Synopsis: You can't stand Might Guy. Honestly, how could anyone be so boisterously unaware and sickeningly positive? Your heart sinks as the both of you are teamed up to infiltrate and collect information from the Hidden Sound's gritty nightlife. Maybe losing yourselves in the dark of the underground will help you both come to an understanding.

Word Count: 1,737

Warnings: Alcohol, Foul Language

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIIIChapter IX Chapter X Chapter XI 

Notes: Y’all it’s my man MIGHT GUY’s BIRTHDAY TODAY! Damn you know I gotta do some celebratory squats.

Guy woke up in the middle of the night to find himself still on your couch. The lights still lit up the room. Guy squinted at the glare of the side lamps. A weight weighed on his chest and after a few blinks, he realized that it was you. He craned his neck and gazed upon your softened features. The tension of your day had since vacated your face. Your hand bunched up in his shirt. Sparks of chakra pulsed from your hands with every breath you took. Guy watched your chest rise.  A burst of chakra came when it fell.

He felt his energy being pulled from his network and swiftly replaced by fragile warmth. Every exhale felt like a slow heartbeat. From your fingertips came a puff of fiery spirit energy. It traveled up Guy’s chest, resolving itself in front of his nose.

Guy slowly pushed himself from the couch and weaved a finger through your balled up fist. Placing your hand in your lap, he maneuvered his forearm under your knees. He picked you up with ease. Guy unconsciously held his breath, careful not to wake you as he made his way to your bed. He placed you in the unmade nest of blankets, turning the nightstand lamp off as the covers enveloped you.

Guy made his exit swift, turning off all of your lights before allowing that partitioning door to softly close.

***

When you woke the next afternoon, you felt more rested than usual. Suspiciously so, but you hardly paid any mind. After all, you had a date.

You looked at the clock. It’s blinking neon slots showed 2:47pm. You groaned and stretched, silently cursing what hostessing did to your sleep schedule. The covers were thrown aside with laziness. You might as well get used to staying up and sleeping in late if this mission was going to last as long as you assumed it was going to.

You studied your wardrobe with disinterest before plucking out a few articles of clothing that you guessed that your date would like. You frowned at your reflection in the mirror as you considered that this would be the first time you went out of your way to dress for a man. The feeling lessened at the prospect of not having to wear an evening gown for a few hours of the work day, but it did not lessen by much.

Making your way to the subtle door, you gave it a light knock before letting yourself in. As you figured, Guy had been up for quite some time. You made your way over to the kitchen where he leaned over the sink. He donned workout gear. Guy gripped a water bottle in his hand as he panted. Red overtook his face. Small beads of sweat he wiped away with a small rag.

“I didn’t get a chance to brief you last night.” You told him as you leaned on the other side of the counter. “I should probably fill you in before I go.”

Guy took a breath and another swig of water.

“You’re not going.” He exhaled. You rolled your eyes.

“Guy, just let me brief you.”

“There’s no shame in taking something you can’t handle off of your plate.” Guy placed down his water bottle. Both hands gripped the counter firmly. You almost laughed. He was kidding, right?

“I can handle myself just fine. Just let me-”

“That’s not what I got from last night.” He looked into your eyes. You kept waiting for a signature Might Guy smile or for him to break and tell you that he was just joking, but it never came. You faltered, unsure of how to answer.

“Well fuck, I’m not going to confide in you just so you can throw it back in my face.” You snapped, more disappointment in your voice than you wanted. “Let me tell you what kind of information I got yesterday-”

“It’s not safe. I can’t spot you. I can’t make sure that you’re safe the whole time.” You crossed your arms, heat rising hotter and hotter to your ears.

“I don’t know why you won’t listen to me right now. Yesterday-”

“It doesn’t matter.” You blinked, a smile of disbelief fighting onto your lips.

“Guy, what the hell?” He came around the kitchen island. You recoiled at the hand that Guy tried to place on your clothed shoulder.

“There will be other opportunities. We don’t even know if this one will help us.” You slapped his hand away. A momentary shock rippled through the two of you.

“It’s not a big deal. I don’t understand why you’re making it a big deal.”

“If it’s not a big deal, then you don’t have to go.”

“What the fuck happened to ‘We are on a mission together’?” You stepped closer. “‘Whether you like it or not, that was Lady Tsunade’s call’? Or does that just apply when I’m the one throwing the fucking tantrum.” Guy stayed silent as you challenged him. You puffed your chest out, face in close proximity to his as you glared. “I’m the point of contact so I get to call the shots.”

He spoke your name with a sigh. But you were out of the room before another word fell out of his mouth.

***

Your date rented out a whole private room for your date which made you wonder just how much more the ninja of the Sound were paid. He had taken you to a relatively nice restaurant too: a traditional place where he spoiled you with half the menu. Surely you were sore about being bought as nothing but an expensive ornament, but you couldn’t muster up the rage to be angry at free food (at least for the moment).

It was at that chabudai where you learned that his name was Shou, a Jonin-level ninja.

“Wow, that must mean you’re pretty strong, then.” You sighed, gazing with wonder into his eyes. Chiasa taught you that one. Shou looked to the side with a bashfully prideful smile.

“Well, I mean yeah, kinda.” He feigned modesty. “I mean, I’m kinda gonna be a big deal.” Your date shoved a piece of teriyaki into his mouth.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You crooned. “You gotta tell me everything! All this ninja stuff is so fascinating.” The ninja chuckled, diving into his rice.

“Top secret, missy, I can’t tell you everything.”

“Oh who’s a girl like me gonna tell?” You giggled, leaning with your elbows propping you against the table. The Sound ninja hesitated.

“Maybe later, beautiful.”

You frowned inwardly despite the coy expression plastered to your lips. You weren’t about to push it right now.

***

It became abundantly clear that perhaps Tsunade put you in the right position as a host girl after all. You stared at the empty glasses on the table, then back at your date. The Sound ninja roared with laughter, once again, in a private booth at the club. You laughed along with him, showering him with flattery as you fed him drink after drink.

“The three L’s,” You remembered Yuzuki telling you. The memory reeked of cigarettes. “Liquor Loosens Lips.”

You snuggled into your target’s side, his arm loosely around your shoulders. The rim of your glass met your lips. A gaze lingered on your skin. Your eyes narrowed and your attention immediately snapped towards the bar.

Guy stared your direction, a cup in his hand and cloth in the other. His leer raked across you and you nearly shuttered under the intensity. Guy put the clean glass with the other. You kept waiting for a look of reassurance or a subtle wink to remind you that he was there for you, but he tore himself from your connection. His diverted eyes hit you like a door slamming in your face. A pang of hurt erupted in your chest. You scoffed. Your date didn’t notice.

You grasped the bottle of scotch by the neck and refilled the ninja’s drink.

“So, Mr. “Big Deal”, how did you manage that?” You shifted in your seat, laying a hand on Shou’s chest.

“It’s not exactly legal, sweetheart.” You toyed with his robes as you pouted.

“Clients tell me these sorts of things all the time.” You glanced back to the bar. Guy was already looking your way. “I doubt that anything you could say could surprise me.”

Your hand came over his as you grasped his drink. Your breath hitched as you trained your focus on your kekkei genkai. You let a spark pass which transformed into a trickle of controlled energy. The scotch met your lips. The drunken Sound ninja studied you, tongue wetting his lips as your head came to rest on his shoulder.

“I don’t know much about it,” He began, persuaded by nothing but your touch, “But some opportunities have come up among the ninja. Some serious cash is involved I know that.”

“How cryptic of you.” You glanced down, then back up. “Cash for what?”

“Information of course.” The ninja tapped his drink and you reached for the bottle, but someone grasped it before you did.

“Having a good time, Shou?” The unfamiliar ninja in front of you mused, reading the label on the side. Your date lifted his cup with a silent nod. Wasted. You focused on the chakra flow, making the information exchange as small and undetectable as possible.

A group of them stood in front of you. Two went around to help their comrade from his seat next to you. They tipped handsomely. You recognized them from your first night of work. The rest of the group patted Shou on his back and rustled his hair, helping him as he floundered to the back room. A woman trailed behind the main group. From your recollection, she usually stayed behind. You watched as they went, disappearing behind the curtained doors to the left of the bar.

You frowned at the table. They took the bottle of scotch with them. You began to neatly gather the empty liquor glasses onto the tray, but were interrupted once more. The unsettling feeling of a man standing to close sent a shiver down your spine.

“Excuse me, Yakushi-san. Let me clear this booth and I’ll be right with you.” You attempted a pleasant exterior. The uneasy presence lingered closely behind you. A hand made its way to your waist.

“Of course.”

Thank you to everyone who liked, reblogged, and followed. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

[letsbeskinnytwins]

mmm water

ok so I heard drinking a lot of water benefits you a lot. it gives you clear skin, hydrates you, gives you more energy and so forth but for me the main take away is that it helps with weight loss so guess what id did today I drank 104oz of water 😁 yea thats a real change ive never really dranken much water or fluids for that fact. PS: watch the little prince before its taken off Netflix 😪

[shhh-no-ones-home]

saving graces marcus moreno x reader

+++++++++

Prompt: “You dont strike me as a professional criminal.” “thats what makes me so good at it.”

song: knife under my pillow by maggie lindemann

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

"im starting to get worried about her. she just sits in her room all day, shutting everyone out. and before you ask, yes i have invited her to all of our outings but she always tells me no... i dont know what to do at this point. shes gonna have to leave for work eventually; im not paying rent by myself."

i heard my roommate say from her room. i stood with my back against my bedroom door and sighed. i didnt need to read her mind to know what she thought of me, it was pretty apparent. not that i could control it anyway. it kind of came and went.

"Bradly its a problem!"

she said loudly and i closed my eyes, shoving my hands deep in my hoodie pockets. 'maybe shes depressed again.' i heard him say and i snapped my eyes back open. nope i definitely didnt want to be in his head right now. i just shook it off, pulling my bedroom door open and crossing the hall. i knocked on her doorframe lightly and she paused, staring at me with wide eyes.

"im going out, i probably wont be back for a while."

i said in a soft voice and she nodded, mouth hung slightly open. i didnt wait for her to say anything back, i just made my way through the apartment and to the front door. when i swung it open the cool breeze hit me in the face immediately. it was late autumn but it was only just beginning to feel like it; we did live in a pretty warm city after all. i hummed at the thought as i pressed my way down the stairs and onto the sidewalk. town was only a ten minute walk and usually i could make it without running into anyone.

i guess that wasnt going to happen today though. as i saw a woman about my age walk towards me i ducked my head down, lifting the hood of my jacket over my head. 'oh thats cute, i should get one, wonder where she got it.' i heard and i shook my head. 'maybe i could google the motif, what was it again? oh well.' she thought and i rolled my eyes, quickening my pace to get away from her.

as i came to the stop light at the end of the street i was met with a few other people waiting to cross like me. 'did i put my grocery list back in my bag?' came from the old woman. 'i wonder what would happen if i crossed the street before the light turned green.' came from the the teen in the blue hoodie, standing away from his mom. i just looked to him and drew my brows. 'i really need to stop wearing my good heels to work, theyre starting to scuff and i dont have money to get them fixed.' came from his mom. i just rolled my eyes at her and looked back to the stop light.

as soon as it turned white i walked across the street with the group, nodding to a man walking his dog in the opposite direction. he nodded back but didnt think anything, or not that i could hear. that was a relief. i bit my tongue as i got closer to the corner store. usually i could get away with stealing a few things here and there, tucking them into my hoodie. it was usually small but pricey stuff i knew i could sell online. lord knows i need the money, i haven't told my roommate that i got laid off about a month ago and this was my only source of income currently. the only good thing about it was that i could sometimes read the minds of the people around me to know if they suspected anything. but i always made sure to buy something just in case.

i stepped inside of the store and smiled at the clerk as she waved at me. i had been coming in long enough that they all kind of knew me by now, something to keep me on their positive side and not think anything bad about me. they knew i liked to walk around for a little bit before checking out, a new energy drink flavor and snack chip bag in hand.

i made my way down a few aisles, picking a few things up and looking over them before putting them back. i knew the store like the back of my hand and knew just where the security camera blind spots where. i looked up to one and stepped around the shelf to be in front of the endcap. in front of me was a new shipment set of headphones, each twenty five dollars a piece. jackpot. i picked two off the shelf, closing my eyes to see if anyone was around. nothing. i looked too before slipping them into my pocket.

when i rounded the corner again to the next aisle i froze. there was a man standing there but he didnt look away from the product he was reading the back of. i just stepped slowly down the aisle, looking at a few items, pushing them around the shelf. when i felt his eyes on me i tensed. 'interesting choice of attire.' i heard and i rolled my eyes. i turned and faced him to walk further down the aisle but he looked away quickly. 'oh shes cute though.' i heard and i could feel my heartbeat quicken. then a few others thoughts made their way into my brain.

"shut up."

i whispered to myself, rubbing the side of my head and closing my eyes tightly.

'thats a lot of shit.' 'maybe i could get this with my next paycheck.' 'damn i needed that but theyre all gone.' All the patrons thoughts flooded into my brain at once and i couldn't focus anymore. i moved my other hand up and held my head in place, swaying back and forth. 'damn, is she alright? maybe i should help.' i heard him again, singled out as the others moved around. it was like i could pluck them out of the air with my bare hands. i just shook my head, falling into the shelf to my right and knocking a few things off of it.

"excuse me, are you alright?"

he asked and i snapped my eyes open. he was stood in front of me with a concerned look on his face but leaned back when i looked at him. 'she did not have purple eyes a minute ago.' he thought and i drew my brows, shaking my head and sliding to the ground. then i felt his hand on my shoulder.

"do you need some help? can i call someone?"

he asked but it was hard to hear. everyone was so loud all of a sudden. i just dug my nails into my hood.

"make it stop."

i cried out.

"make what stop?"

"the voices."

i said, looking back to him. he tried to study my face for a moment and i couldn't pick his voice out of the crowd anymore.

"do you have powers?"

he asked quietly as a tear slipped down my cheek. i swallowed hard, looking over his face.

"i dont know."

i said, my lip trembling. he sent me a soft smile.

"im marcus, im the leader of the heroics. and ive seen enough new powers to know when someone has them. you said you heard voices... are you a telepath?"

he asked and i shrugged.

"i think so but i cant control it. i hear them sometimes but not always, and i can never tell when im just gonna invade someone's brain."

i confessed and the voices stopped.

"let me help you."

he said, taking my arm and helping me to my feet. i wiped the tears away and tucked my hands into my pocket. my eyes got wide when i felt it was empty.

"shit."

i mumbled under my breath, looking to the floor and seeing both sets of headphones on the floor amongst a few of the items that had fallen when i did.

"oh, was some of that yours?"

he asked innocently and i shook my head no, squatting down and picking up my wallet.

"nope, just missing this."

i said, stuffing it back in my pocket and placing the stuff back on the shelf, holding the headphones up for him to see.

"i dont think these go here, ill go put them back."

he nodded and i turned my back to him, rounding the corner and shoving them back in my pocket. i grumbled to myself as i stepped forward towards the food part of the store.

"going so soon?"

i heard him say behind me and i slowly turned to face him.

"uh i came for something, i might as well get it."

i said and he nodded, walking to me.

"mind if i join? i really did mean i wanted to help. i know someone you could talk to."

i scoffed at him as he followed me down the chip aisle.

"yeah and by help you mean people who will experiment on me to figure out how my powers work."

"thats not it at all."

he said a little hurt, holding the basket he had loosely in his hand as i plucked some hot chips off the shelf.

"yeah, sure."

i said and he sighed, following me to the other end of the aisle and raising his brow at me as i plucked an energy drink off the shelf too.

"if you come with me we can figure out how they work, together, and we can train you-"

"to be a heroic? i dont think so."

i said with a short laugh, walking quickly to the register.

"why not?"

he asked and i snorted, paying for my goods and taking the bag from the woman with a small thank you. he just placed the basket he was holding on the counter and followed me out of the store, abandoning it.

"look, i dont want to be a superhero. i can barely handle life as it is and know i wouldnt be able to save anyone, now will you please just leave me alone."

i said and i heard him stop following me.

“when i first saw you You didnt strike me as a professional criminal.”

he said and i froze in my tracks. i was almost on the other side of the parking lot already. i should just keep going. but damnit i cant. i looked down and shook my head before turning around. i pulled the headphones out of my pocket and waved them in the air.

“thats what makes me so good at it.”

i said snarkily before moving to walk away from him, tucking them back in my pocket and keeping on my way. i continued back on the path i had taken to get to the store, stopping at the light as it turned red. when a car pulled up beside me on the wrong side of the road i looked to him like he was crazy.

"what the hell are you doing?!"

i asked and he nodded towards the passenger side.

"please, at least let me drive you home, we can talk."

he said and i shook my head in disbelief.

"why would i get in a car with you? you drive on the wrong side of the road."

i acknowledged, walking when the light turned white. he just pulled his car in front of me and parked it, getting out and standing tall over me.

"please."

he said and i rolled my eyes.

"look, marcus, i think youre cute too but this is not how to get a date."

i said, side stepping him but he caught my arm.

"why did you steal that stuff?"

he asked and i looked from his arm to his face.

"i dont owe you my life story."

"and i dont need to be a telepath to know you need this."

he said, letting me go. i just looked over his face before he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a business card.

"please, just think about it. i do want to help you. just think about it."

i took the card and scanned it, shoving it into my pocket after.

"fine."

[romanovanoff]

bio says black widow stories but i do like to dabble with other characters too. ill have a full list on another post.

YOU & I

A Bellatrix & Tom Riddle story

part one

characters:

bellatrix black

tom riddle

narcissa black

andromeda black

druella black

rodolphus lestrange

rabastan lestrange

(tba)

relationships:

bella/tom

narcissa/lucius

andromeda/ted

(tba)

summary: tom is the new kid in school and is already popular amongst his peers. his goal is to have bellatrix black by his side when he conquers the wizarding world, and his only problem? bella is already in an arranged marriage and also wants nothing to do with him.

disclaimer: i have never read the books, and ive seen all the movies only like twice. im not a crazy fanatic potterhead, i just have an unhealthy obsession for bellatrix/helena bonham carter 😌. so apologies in advance if i make any mistakes, regarding whats canon in the harry potter universe and so on. the little things, the big things, my bad. i hope the fact that its mostly au makes up for what it lacks in accuracy.

word count: 3497

——————————

"I overheard earlier today that Hogwarts received a new student," Druella spoke as she took a sip of tea, delicately patting a napkin across her lips before gazing over at her three daughters. Bellatrix, who didn't seem interested at all in the conversation, Andromeda, who was busy scribbling something in her diary, and little Narcissa who was following along to her mother's words.

"Yes, it's true," The blonde girl, thirteen years old, responded. "I thought it strange at first but apparently he and his family were living somewhere in Europe. Tom Riddle, I think his name is. He'd been taught at home and his father had gotten a job at the ministry so they transferred him to Hogwarts."

Ever the gossip, it didn't surprise Bellatrix in the slightest that Cissy knew so much about the new student. She rolled her eyes, wondering why the hell they were even discussing this in the first place. It was just a new student, who cares? She voiced this several times out loud but had received the usual disapproving glances from the two blondes. It creeped the raven-haired witch sometimes at how much Cissy resembled their mother.

Letting out a sigh Bella swirled her spoon around in her teacup, not finding the appetite to drink nor eat the sweets that accompanied her tea. The three of them were currently in Rosa Lee's teashop, a place they often went to every other week, with permission to leave the school of course- though she didn’t ask for it most times. Usually Bellatrix would devour the treats but today she was feeling too anxious to do anything but. At seventeen years old she had stretched out her days of freedom and was now forced into a marriage that should have taken place two years ago.

The thought of marriage wasn't all that bad, if she was being honest. Sometimes when her thoughts and actions weren't clouded with hate and rage she'd daydream a not so near future of a perfect wedding. A wedding where she would be marrying someone she truly loved and could cherish, to honor their vows to the fullest extent. So the wedding itself wasn't the problem, it was who she was supposed to be wed to that was. Her long time childhood friend, Rodolphus Lestrange. And one of the very few in the sacred 28 that wasn't related to the Blacks by blood. At least that she was aware of… The thought still made her cringe, even after checking every family tapestry available and an exhausting amount of research.

Everyone wanted her to be happy about the fact she'd get to marry someone she's known for years, something most pure-bloods didn't have the honor of having, but it was the fact she knew him so well that she hated. He was like a brother to her, albeit at times an annoying and even sexist brother. He wasn't husband material and she was most certainly not wife material for him. And add to the fact that they'd be pressured to have children immediately after becoming man and wife, the thought of having sex with him made her want to gag. You'd think they'd notice that such a practice was incredibly outdated. She hated to wonder if the marriage had taken place two years ago, would they really pressure two 15 year olds to consumate? Fuck this life.

She felt like the world and everyone in it was against her. All her complaints had been shot down, leaving her inwardly seething with rage before being left totally subdued. Oh, how she hated being so… powerless, left without a voice, without a right to do what she wanted and to do so as she pleased, the ever present shadow looming over her shoulder that was the society and family she was born into.

Letting out a sigh she looked over at Andromeda who was still scribbling in that damn book. Probably instant messaging her friends, something Bellatrix didn't have the luxury of having. At least genuine ones anyway. The ones she had in school were merely vultures following around, waiting for the opportunity to eat away at the scraps she bared. They didn't hesitate to use her to their advantage, trying to play her like a fool. Idiots, they should've known she was the brightest witch of her age for a reason. And no one took advantage of Bellatrix Black.

Despite still being superior she continued feeling a bitter pang in her heart, knowing no one truly cared for her there. Well, maybe except for her sisters, Rodolphus and his brother that is.

Catching her eyes on what she was doing Andromeda quickly closed her book and narrowed her eyes at her eldest sister. But then a familiar smirk curled the girls lips and Bellatrix knew what was going to happen before her sister could even utter a word. She knew that smirk anywhere. Bella herself wore that smirk on several occasions, actually even taught it to her dear sister! If only mother knew how truly naughty Andy was, maybe then the heat wouldn't fall upon Bella so heavily when she did something that displeased her.

"Mother," Andromeda chimed in, interrupting Cissy's conversation with the older woman. "Bellatrix is right. Why not talk about something else."

"Andy…" The dark haired witch warned, fingers clenched around her spoon.

"Like… Bella's wedding perhaps? Surely there are plenty of plans to discuss. Some of which I'm sure my dear sister here is needed for?" The brunette suggested 'innocently', smiling back at Bellatrix before looking at her mother.

Druella blinked once, then twice before she brightened up. Damnit, Andy, Bella thought to herself angrily, glaring daggers at her younger sister. "You're right! We only have a short few weeks before the big day and still so much to do. How about we end this little meal early and say we go to one of the boutiques nearby, check up on your wedding dress," Druella said as she rose from her seat.

And so that's what they did. They went to the boutique, checked the incredibly old fashioned dress, with what looked like the most painfully looking corset yet stitched into the fabric. After, they stopped by a few other shops to double check things were in order for the wedding before finally apparating home. The entire time Bellatrix had trudged along reluctantly behind her sisters and mother, offering a few weak comments and opinions for this thing and that when asked of her.

She was glad to finally be back home, finding relief in the knowledge that tomorrow morning she'd be returning back to Hogwarts, having spent the weekend with her family. On one hand she was glad she managed to extend the wedding date, convincing her parents that it might be wise that she finish her last year and take her N.E.W.T.s before focusing on 'wifely duties'. Yes, that was how she phrased it. And yes, they'd taken the bait, obviously wanting their daughter to focus on her marriage once out of school, and not caring about the intelligence hidden behind her usual mask of indifference.

She made short work separating from her family's side to make her way upstairs to her room. And then made even shorter work getting ready for bed. No one ever bothered her when she was up the stairs and hidden away. It was known to all that Bellatrix Black inherited the 'mad' gene in the family, more prone to violent outbursts and destructive tantrums. Because of this her room wasn't the prettiest, constantly being repaired and sparse so there were less objects to break. The room was also constantly being placed under a silencing charm, quieting her screams so the rest of the household could sleep peacefully. How thoughtful of them, she thought to herself bitterly.

The sun was already down by the time she emerged from the bathroom, all scrubbed up and her hair wet, the many strands in ringlets falling down her back. With her wand, she casted a quick-drying spell to both her body and hair, not bothering with any sleeping robes as she climbed into bed. Once in she blew out the candles before getting comfortable under the covers. Usually, it would be too early to go to sleep, and she'd have at least a glass or two of firewhiskey to help her doze off but she felt the whole unexpected wedding planning this afternoon was enough to do her in. Not only that but she did need to wake up early to catch the train back to Hogwarts tomorrow. So without much further thought she closed her heavy eyes and fell asleep, hoping things could be much easier in the future.

THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS

"Tom Riddle is in our class."

"I heard Tom's family is incredibly wealthy and direct descendants to Salazar Slytherin."

"It's true! I overheard him talking to snakes! Snakes!"

The whispers and excited talk continued on and on the moment Bellatrix stepped onto the Hogwarts express. If she thought Cissy talking to mother about this ‘nobody’ annoyed her, she was absolutely wrong. Hearing everyone around her discuss this Riddle boy absolutely drenched her high spirits and put her in one of her dark moods.

No one needed to look twice to know to stay away from the young witch. If dark glaring eyes didn't strike fear into her peers, then the dark energy and aura surrounding her would.

Not wanting to hear the gossip anymore Bella separated from her 'friends' and found a seating compartment for herself, only able to hold two people, but thankfully no one dared claim the other spot. She sat close to the window, forehead touching the glass, and seeming to cool her ever bubbling irritation. Trees and rolling hills passed by in a blur but she wasn't particularly watching, eyes slightly glazed over as she got lost in thought.

So lost in thought she almost didn't notice the sounds of her compartment door being slid open and a person taking a seat across from her. Blinking slowly she looked over to the 'intruder' as the door slid closed once more, leaving the two individuals with some privacy she didn't necessarily want.

The person in front of her was a young man. Probably around her age with dark brown hair, curling neatly at the front. He had bright emerald eyes, warm but she got the hint of something darker underneath, something dangerous hidden beneath the surface and ready to strike unsuspecting prey. Despite that though everything else about him seemed pretty bland. Pale skin- but not as pale as hers-, average build, and put together uniform.

"Who're you?" She found herself asking, swallowing the automatic 'get out' she was originally planning on saying. Given the fact she hasn't seen him before in this school year or any year before that, she was already dreading the answer. She wasn't even sure why she disliked him so much already. Maybe it was the fact he's barely even started school here and yet everyone was already drooling over him. Maybe it was the fact he was well known for things the student body hasn't even had proof of, things he was already praised for. And on her side of things she was well known for her infamous anger and her upcoming marriage to Rodolphus. That or her status of being the firstborn Black daughter. Otherwise known as the current heir of the Black family. Well. That was until her idiot cousin, Sirius was old enough to steal the mantle from her.

So when he said, "Tom. Tom Riddle," She really couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes. Cause of course the person she had no care for was sat in, of all seats, the one in front of her. "Does that name offend you?" He then asked, wearing the same damn smirk he wore the moment she took in his appearance just seconds earlier.

"No," She said in a bored drawl, eyes once again gazing out the window as her head rested against the glass. "Unlike every other idiot out there, I care not for who you are. You're just another ordinary student attending Hogwarts. Nothing special about that," She told him, her tone consistent in telling him of how much she didn't care.

He was quiet for some time. Not too long, but enough to give her pause and wonder if she'd wandered too deep in thought and he'd slipped away. Only a glance his way revealed that, no, he was still here. "I agree," He finally spoke again. "There's nothing special about me at all. And I'm starting to despise the fact people are so interested in me. Took a look at the school Friday and suddenly everyone thinks so highly of me just because it was a private tour by the headmaster himself," He huffed.

It was clear to Bellatrix by the way he spoke, by the way he talked that he was excellent at charming people, manipulating them even if you would use the darker term. Again, she was many things but an idiot was not one of them and she wasn't falling for his 'charms' or tactics any time soon.

"Oh, poor you," She said in a mocking voice, jutting out her bottom lip as she faced him fully. "New kid in school has everyone fawning over him. Such a terrible life you must live, knowing you have everyone in the palm of your hands with just a smile." She finished the sentence off with said smile before turning it into a sneer.

"I won't repeat myself again. I care not for who you are, and I don't wish to know you or anything about you. So if you're going to sit here, then it better be in silence, or so help me merlin I will curse you. Laws be damned," She hissed. Hopefully for the last time she turned away again, feeling her mood lighten just slightly at her first threat of the day.

Usually, other students would run away by now, flee the vicinity in which she occupied, but Tom just sat there, in shock, or because he actually listened to her words. Finding herself curious about which option she chanced another glance but was surprised to see him wearing that annoying little smirk instead. "Cute," He told her, enjoying the way her eyes widened just slightly before darkening with anger. "That threat might work on others but it won't with me."

Her magic was absolutely crackling around her, like static in the air just before an oncoming storm. She was soon to make good on her threat. "Based on your looks, in how you speak, and the way I saw you walk earlier, looking down at everyone as if they were beneath you. I would safely assume you are a… Black. Bellatrix Black? Considering you look to be in the same year as me," He continued, assuming everything correctly. She didn't need to know though that he'd actually done his research prior to moving here, and that he had asked around earlier. "I don't expect you to get along with me from the start, but you will see me around often. I'll personally make sure of that. Cause I like you," He said with a shrug, smirk still in place.

Bold. Oh, so very bold and before Bellatrix could even utter a single word or even grab and raise her wand for that matter, he was already out the door. The space in front of her was once again vacant and she stared at the now unoccupied seat as the door slid closed.

LATER THAT DAY

It was almost impossible for the raven haired witch to avoid hearing or seeing Tom. It was as if everywhere she turned, someone was talking about him or he himself was staring at her from a distance. Usually she would never admit such a thing, her pride too strong, but it greatly unnerved her. Who the hell did he think he was? Claiming he would see her more often because he liked her? “Doesn’t even know me,” She scoffed to herself, annoyed as she continued on the familiar path to her dormitory.

Bellatrix was a slytherin through and through, like every other Black family member before her. There had been no question about it. Well, maybe after. She questioned it alot. The houses, the characteristics and traits. All of it. And once she's put herself in a more outside perspective about it she really couldn't help but laugh at the whole student body, almost all of them adapting and practically absorbing their houses certain traits into their own personality.

Anyway, she was a slytherin, but she couldn't help but wonder if she'd changed her mindset that first day, if her family hadn't been so adamant on which house she went to, would she have been chosen for hufflepuff, perhaps? Maybe gryffindor? Ew, no. Possibly ravenclaw. These thoughts raced past in her mind as she made her way down into the dungeons. There was a little of her in each, she supposed.

"Drommie, Cissy," Bellatrix greeted once she made it into the girls dorm, having already said the password and walked through the shared sitting room. All three Black sisters shared the same room, something Bellatrix and her mother both insisted and agreed upon to the headmaster when first starting school here. It was a protective thing. Bella knew that her sisters weren't like her, lacking in gut and courage. She was sure Andromeda could take care of herself, at times, but if worse came to worse she was more likely to break under pressure and need rescuing from her bigger sister. And little Narcissa, the spoiled brat she was, didn't have a single backbone in her body, choosing instead to flee or hide behind one's robes. Despite those certain qualities though Bellatrix still loved her sisters dearly and simply made it a priority to keep them safe, consequences to herself be damned.

Sure… maybe it was Bella's fault for them needing protection, having spent most of her years reigning terror down upon those who even glance at her, therefore her peers not liking her and taking it out on her sisters instead. But… hey! They looked at her funny, they deserved it!

"Bella why didn't you sit with us on the train," Narcissa asked, looking at her older sister as she sat on her bed.

Bellatrix rolled her eyes and walked past, towards her own bed furthest in the room and by the window. "As if I'd sit and listen to you two and your friends gossiping about the 'new boy'," She said back.

Andromeda turned to her with a quirked brow. "I don't know, by the looks of it you sat just fine with the 'new boy' before you ran him away."

Bellatrix was only able to scoff as a response before Narcissa quickly interrupted, hopping over towards Bellatrix. "You got to talk to Tom Riddle?" She asked excitedly. "How was he like? Was he charming? Did he show you parseltongue?"

"Cissy, please, calm down. He was none of those things. He was very bland… and cocky, and arrogant," Bella responded, the end getting heated with annoyance. Not towards her sister of course.

"Sounds like someone I know," Andromeda spoke up with a pointed look Bella's way.

"Shut up," The dark haired witch shot back. Because of course she couldn't deny it. She was those things sometimes… all the time. "Whatever. Let’s go. It's time for lunch anyway."

(A/N: lets be honest idk how classes work at hogwarts so lets say bellatrix and sis’s meet up w mother on the reggy, with permission or without, and this particular weekend was a break for all students to either visit their fam or relax in their dorms/explore school grounds. today (mon) is a day for them to get readjusted and classes start up again the following day. anyway continue)

All the way to the great hall Bellatrix's sisters continued teasing her about Tom. Thankfully she took the teasing easily, shoving her sisters good naturedly and joking along. That was until they reached the great hall. She didn't think her sisters noticed but as they walked past others to get to their table Bellatrix could feel a strong force on her, like something digging into the back of her head. She scanned her eyes around the room once, trying to catch the culprit of whatever was happening but all she could see were other students eating merrily, not a clue to her predicament. Thankfully by the time she'd sat down the force had vanished and she could focus back on her sisters.

Tom stood just outside the doors of the great hall, panting and trying to catch his breath. Never had he been rejected so quickly from someone's mind, not even close to breaching it in fact. Her magic was strong, untampered and just waiting to be fully unleashed just beneath the surface. A magic enough to rival his own. She may think she was strong now but oh just wait until he had her with him, by his side. Just wait until he showed her what she's truly capable of.

With these thoughts in mind he swiftly walked away from the great hall entrance, on his way back to his dorm.

[strawberrysoup]

Let’s Review || Chapter 11

Peter Parker knew that his big sister would do anything for him to be safe and happy. She’d given up everything for him twice over already and would do it again in a heartbeat. And that’s why, when the criminal mastermind Tony Stark started inextricably following him around, he didn’t say a word. Because he knew without a doubt Penny would do whatever she had to if it meant keeping Peter safe. He had to protect her, just like she always protected him. He never considered what would happen if Stark decided both Parker siblings were worth taking. Never considered who else in Stark’s inner circle would agree. He just wanted to protect her and yet somehow, they both ended up with needles in their necks.

relationship: Steve Rogers/Original Female Character/Bucky Barnes, background Peter Parker/Tony Stark rating: Explicit/18+ warnings: Dark Steve Rogers, Dark Bucky Barnes, Dark Tony Stark, Dark Avengers, kidnapping, non-con/dub-con elements, underage Peter Parker, emotional and psychological abuse, very dark 

There was a weird sense of urgency and purpose when the soldiers appeared to collect her from the kitchens. They weren’t frantic per say, but she was definitely aware of a certain energy around them. As soon as Bucky walked through the doors, he made a beeline for her and swept her up into his arms. The pair were pretty touchy feely with her as a rule, but this was different for some reason. 

Most of Penny’s irritation had dissolved with the excellent meal she’d received. Chef Cohen had prepared Shakshuka, a very traditional dish that she hadn’t eaten since her mother had died. She’d burst into tears at the first bite and thanked him profusely through the meal. He was a very kind man in his late 50’s who explained that he was at her disposal whenever she was hungry, literally at any time, and would make whatever she asked for. She didn’t even have to know what she wanted specifically, all she had to do was ask for food and he would whip something up in less than an hour. 

She wasn’t sure if he understood her circumstances. He never let on that he had any idea what the situation was and she was too afraid to tell him and potentially put him in danger. He was so nice, had told her about his family— she couldn’t do anything to jeopardize him. And if he did know, she decided she’d rather him not tell her. He felt like he could be a friend if not a confidant and she couldn’t ruin that. 

“Did you have a good breakfast precious?” Bucky’s voice was nearly a coo, burying her into his arms and nuzzling against the side of her face, “I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry we didn’t realize how hungry you were. We should’ve noticed, we should’ve taken better care of you.” 

Penny didn’t get a chance to answer before Steve came up behind her, pressing against her back and wrapping around the both of them, “we’re gonna do a better job from now on, doll, I promise.”

“We’re gonna take you to see Bruce for a check up, okay?” the brunet pressed against her brushed his lips over her temple, “Peter said you haven’t been to the doctor in a while, he’s just going to make sure you’re alright. If there’s anything you want to talk to him about, we’ll step out of the room.”

For a moment, she considered not answering. She hated that they were making her do anything, that they were telling her what was going to happen instead of asking, but she hadn’t been to a doctor in nearly 10 years. In fact, her desire to go to the doctor was outweighing her irritation. The food had helped too. 

“Yeah, okay,” she nodded in agreement, ignoring their mutual smiles as Bucky pulled back and wrapped an arm around her waist, tugging her close before beginning to walk back towards the elevators. 

It didn’t take long to get to the doctor’s office, which was actually a lab. In the back of her head she remembered Tony saying that Bruce was a scientist that Peter liked to learn from. It would’ve endeared the man to her, if he wasn’t so fucking complicit in her kidnapping. The same thing had happened with Clint; he seemed like such a decent guy, they could’ve been friends in any other situation, and yet he wasn’t doing anything to help her. 

“Hey guys, come on in, I’m just finishing this up,” Bruce called from behind a computer, gesturing towards a table that almost resembled the chair from a doctor’s office. 

Steve lifted her up, setting her on the edge and giving her what was—fuck that was winning smile. She refused to let her heart race, remembering back to once upon a time in the coffee shop when she’d thought he was incredibly attractive and so, so nice. It was almost distracting. He leaned down and brushed his nose against hers sweetly, pressing a kiss there a moment later before backing away. 

“Alright Penny, I went ahead and pulled your medical records,” Penny didn’t want to know how he’d done that, what an invasion of privacy, “but we’re going to need to go through a lot of it now since you haven’t seen a doctor in so long and you’re a lot older now. If at any time you’re uncomfortable answering questions in front of Bucky and Steve, all you have to do is let me know and I’ll send them out, okay?” 

“Okay,” nervousness was thrumming through her a bit more now- God she hadn’t been to the doctor in so long, she wasn't sure what to expect. 

An arm came around her shoulders, a metal hand settling over the top of her arm. Bucky had saddled up as close to the table as possible, trying to offer comfort through his presence. She would absolutely never admit that she leaned into his heat a little, or that the attempt was even fractionally successful. 

The appointment wasn't as nerve wracking as she'd expected; there were a lot of questions about her past medical history and family medical history, her habits regarding smoking and drinking and exercise, he looked in her eyes and ears and listened to her breathing, did she have any allergies or take any medications? It was a lot of things she remembered from going to the doctor as a kid.

There was only one time when her heart felt like it might burst out of her chest: Bruce mentioned wanting to do a blood test. It was important in part because she hadn't ever had one, but also because she was Jewish and there were dozens of diseases passed genetically through the population. She knew of them of course, Tay-sachs and Gauchers and a slew of other things, but she'd never considered she could have them— there was no time. 

Luckily, he'd decided it wasn't a good time since she had barely been eating. Escape had been on her mind almost constantly since waking up in Stark's home but never so critically as when she thought there would be needles involved. Penny's fear of needles had started as a child and overtime had become an overwhelming, if irrational, phobia. The kidnapping via injection certainly made it worse too. 

Bruce finished up, continuing to address her rather than Steve or Bucky. It seemed peculiar for some reason, that he was being sure to treat her like her own person instead of the soldiers' property. 

"Have you ever had blood drawn Penny?" 

"Uhm, no," she did her best not to shift, not wanting to show weakness, "I'm sure it's not really necessary. I feel completely fine and—"

"There are certain genetically linked diseases I can test for with a blood panel. The fact that you probably have anemia is a little worrying because of your heritage. Now we can’t do the test today, you haven’t been eating or drinking enough, but we’ll keep an eye on your recovery over the next few days and schedule one. That being said, I want to hook up an IV for a few hours, you’re very dehydrated.”

“No, thank you,” Penny stood up from the table, composing her face carefully and putting her hands on her hips, “I’d rather just drink water.” 

“Penny I can tell you haven’t been getting enough hydration for days,” Bruce stated, ignoring the semi-panicked looks the soldiers sent each other, “Whatever your reasoning was, it’s hurting you. A drip will rehydrate you relatively quickly and you can get on with your day.” 

“I’m not in any critical danger, drinking water will be enough,” usually she wouldn’t argue with a doctor but if he came near her with a needle she would throw down. 

“Doll, it’s not an option.” 

God, how many times had she heard that. It’s not an option. It’s not an option. Nothing was ever an option. She’d been kidnapped, was being held against her will— fuck, she refused to list their sins against her again.

"I'm an adult, I get to decide what medical procedures I do and don't consent to."

"Baby, did you hit your head again? I think we're a little past consent." 

How many times would she have to physically fight these motherfuckers before they gave up. 

"I hate needles," she snapped, glaring at Steve with as much rage as she could muster, "no blood draws, no IVs, no vaccines, nothing."

Bucky stepped closer to her side, an imploring look on his face, "your health is suffering right now sweetheart, if Bruce says you need an IV, you're going to get it. We're going to take of you, Penny." 

They'd done a real stand up job of taking care of her in the last several days for sure. She'd only ended up drugged, concussed twice over, half starved, dangerously sleep deprived, and enraged. The skepticism must've shown on her face because Bucky visibly winced at the implication while Bruce had to turn and pretend to cough to cover his laughter. 

"Sweetheart, I understand that it makes you uncomfortable," Steve somehow managed to manifest in front of her in the blink of an eye and she startled backwards a step. 

The blond was freakishly fast and Penny was beginning to suspect that everyone calling him and Bucky 'super soldiers' weren't just mocking their demeanors. Steve had been strong enough to snap the lock on the bathroom door like twig, could bodily lift her with just one arm, and he moved a fraction of an inch too fast to be normal. Bucky was similar in the strength department, plus he had that arm. But instead of nearly vibrating with restrained power at all times, Bucky was almost preternaturally still. Even when she moved in the middle of the night and startled him awake, the only way she knew was because his eyes would open. He was so still sometimes she wondered if he even had to breathe, was his heart even beating? 

The brunette's arms came to wrap gently around her shoulders from behind; the way he held her was more reminiscent of a loving cuddle than a restraint but it worked all the same. If they didn't want her to go anywhere, it was going to be very hard to run off. The doors to the lab swept open abruptly, as if beckoning her to escape, but no one came through. JARVIS, always looking out. 

"I'll make your lives hell," she hissed through gritted teeth, eyes locked on the blond in front of her while Bucky backed them up and sat on the exam chair, tugging her into his lap, "if you come near me with a needle I'll shove it through your eye." 

"Penny, be sweet," Bucky's tone was firm, his arms squeezing around her in what she assumed was supposed to be a comforting gesture, "it'll all be okay and you'll feel so much better after."

Penny's eyes were dragged away from Steve when she caught movement, zeroing in on Bruce. He was fiddling with something in crinkly plastic and her blood froze in her veins when she realized it was a sterilized needle. He was preparing an IV despite her protests and panic began coursing through her like poison. 

"W-wait, wait I don't need an IV, I swear I feel fine, I'll drink a ton of water, don't do this—" 

"It’s gonna be alright babydoll," Steve cooed, understanding that her anger in this case was 100% a result of sheer terror, "Buck's gonna hold you the whole time. Bruce will give you a shot to numb the pain and—" 

"No, n-no, no, no please," Penny could barely move as Bucky locked his arms in place, holding her steady while Steve moved to block her view of Bruce, who was filling a syringe with lidocaine. 

"Shhhh, just watch me, baby," the blond brought his hands up to cup her face, manipulating her head to face him dead on, "don't pay attention to Bruce, just keep your eyes on mine." 

Tears of panic and fear began falling from her eyes, overwhelming terror beginning to consume her. There was no rationalizing the phobia, no talking herself through the fear, all she could think was I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. When she could hear the doctor's footsteps shift in their direction, she opened her mouth and started to scream bloody murder. Thrashing wasn't effective in the least but she did the best she could, jerking every inch of her body as violently as possible. She couldn't hear anything any of them were saying, she couldn't even hear her own screams; all she could hear was the blood rushing through her ears and the mantra, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die over and over again in her head. 

"Dr. Banner, sir is currently on his way and asks that you wait to perform any procedures until he arrives." 

Bucky tensed under her but Penny barely noticed. The edges of her vision were going dark and Steve wasn't so much holding her face in place anymore as trying to caress her cheeks and jaw. She could see the doors to the lab, still open as if waiting for her to run.

Instead, Stark came through them. There was a tightness to his usual swagger and she wondered if she was imagining the irritation in the lines of his face. 

"You know I thought I had sound proofed all of the labs, but I can hear my poor girl screaming from three floors away," he commented casually as he swept in, easily pushing past Steve and stealing Penny from Bucky's lap,  pulling her into the cage of his arms, "now this is over an IV, correct?"

"Please, please, please—" Penny's voice choked off in a sob as she tried to tug away and make a break for the door. 

"Shhhh, angel, look at me," Tony carefully manipulated her head, making her look up at him through her panic, "you're going to drink plenty of water and relax all day, understand? You're going to eat plenty and drink so much water you have to pee every thirty minutes." 

"N-no needles—" 

"That's right baby, no needles," he pulled her into his chest and hushed her, stroking her hair gently while giving the three men behind her a careful look, "with supervision you'll be fine without an IV, but you have to be good, do everything you're told. Can you be a good girl for me, Penny?"

Steve and Bucky watched as their girl nodded against the man's shoulder, still crying. This wouldn't be strike two, not quite since she'd gotten so upset as a result of them trying to take care of her, but apprehension was setting in. Tony was their friend, but he wouldn't put their feelings before Penny's and that was a dangerous position to be in. Especially considering JARVIS had all but jumped ship on them and was firmly on Penny's side. 

"Now, is there anything else Brucie Bear? Because I think Penny here is gonna come with me to the labs and watch Peter try to make a robot." 

Somehow, despite the fact that they knew Penny hated Tony just as much if not more than she hated them, he was the one who managed to get through to her. Tony Stark was her mortal enemy, the kidnapper, the pedophile, and yet he was the one holding her while she cried in distress. Bucky and Steve watched on in amazement and disbelief. 

There was something about Tony that was just a touch unnatural. The way he could manipulate people was almost beyond comprehension. It showed in his friendships, the way that people who were sent to kill him were so easily turned to his side. People who didn’t want anyone, who didn’t want friends, found themselves enfolded in his presence. It was also apparent in the way that Peter had almost accepted his new situation, how he was so quickly coming to terms with the way his life had changed. Tony Stark was, as far as anyone knew, not enhanced in any way, but some of his companions had started to wonder. 

They watched as the older man spirited her away, talking loudly and keeping her tucked under his arm as they walked. Steve and Bucky were left in the dust, feeling dejected once again. 

“Leave it to Tony to decide he has more medical authority than me,” Bruce gave a low snort, rolling his eyes, “does he have 7 PHDs? No, he doesn't.” 

“We keep fuckin’ it up, don’t we?” Bucky groaned, watching the doctor step back towards his computer system, “We’re gonna end up dead. World War II and HYDRA couldn’t kill us but Tony fuckin’ Stark sure will.” 

“Hard to compete with a Goddamn witch,” Steve muttered, running a hand through his hair before crossing his arms over his chest. 

“You two need to be doing what Tony is with Peter,” Bruce interjected before the super soldiers could continue to lament their situation, “he panders to him just enough to keep him happy. He can give an inch and Peter thinks its a mile. You’re strategic geniuses, master interrogators, use your strengths.” 

The ‘dumbasses’ was implied at the end of the statement. In all fairness, he was right. 

Steve exhaled through his nose, a stabilizing breath, before turning to regard Bucky, “A garden, to start. She had a lot of things on her Pinterest account, we’re gonna look through there. JARVIS? Can you please make sure our kitchen is stocked with plenty of kosher foods?” 

“And is there anyway we can get the extra room in the apartment turned into a garden? Maybe a rooftop garden?” 

“Sir has given me full discretion to green light any construction projects that will aid in Ms. Parker’s adjustment. A section of the roof can easily be cleared for a garden and greenhouse. The east facing wall of the spare room can be replaced with floor to ceiling windows and UV lights can be installed. Might I also suggest a knitting area?”

"Yeah, that," Bucky nodded, "any other suggestions JARV?" 

"On her Pinterest Ms. Parker has shown interest in softball, soccer, crocheting, yoga and video games."

"Can you have everything she needs for those things sent for and brought to the apartment? And have everything set up as much as possible considering the renovations that'll be made for the garden room?"

"Yes sergeant, although I would suggest making room in your personal gym for Ms. Parker do to yoga."

“Good idea JARVIS,” Bucky felt a bit of relief that the AI was willing to help, even if it was only because it would help Penny in the long run, “I know we talked about keeping her secluded but I think we should show her the game room, introduce her to Thor and Sam so she can play video games with them.” 

Steve looked hesitant. The brunet knew why; they’d waited what felt like so long to find a girl who appealed to both of them. They were possessive by nature and having so little over time, growing up in the Great Depression followed by fighting in the war, only to suffer a hellish betrayal and go into the ice for so long, meant they were covetous. Sharing their girl so soon was uncomfortable and just the idea made both of them chafe. 

“Yeah, we should,” he choked after a moment, clearing his throat. 

“We’re gonna build a life, Stevie,” Bucky said quietly, stepping closer to the man and putting his hands on his shoulders, “we’re going to work this out with our girl and eventually, she’ll want to be with us as much as she can. But until we get to that point we have to make some concessions.” 

“But she’ll still sleep in our bed.”

“Yes Stevie, she’ll still sleep in our bed.” 

[chicgeekgirl89]

A Little Bit Broken: Chap. 10- Let the Sun Shine

Fandom: SEAL Team

Characters: Lisa Davis, Sonny Quinn, Eric Blackburn, Clay Spenser, Ray Perry, Trent Sawyer, Brock Reynolds, Jason Hayes

Summary: Lisa and Eric take an unplanned walk through the desert.

Read Chapters 1-9 Here (All one-shots)

                                      XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Totally flat,” Eric said from where he crouched, inspecting the truck tire. “D’you find the spare?”

“I found it, but you’re not going to be happy,” Lisa called from the back of the vehicle, holding up the donut which was also sporting a big hole. 

“Well that’s not great,” he said. 

Lisa smiled. Eric Blackburn had to be the most level-headed, calm person she’d ever known. If it were any one of the other guys out here with her they’d be swearing up a storm, kicking the dirt, and vowing vengeance on whatever maintenance guy had left them alone in the desert with not just one, but two flat tires.

Instead, Eric just got to his feet and reached for his radio. “I’ll call it in and have them send somebody out.”

It had been a simple errand, a quick supply run through the safe zone and back in time for a briefing in the evening. They’d both needed some time away from the base so when Eric volunteered to make the trip Lisa had jumped at the chance to go with him. “Havoc this is Blackburn, how copy?” Eric asked.

Static. Eric frowned. “Havoc Base this is Lieutenant Commander Eric Blackburn, do you copy?”

Again nothing but static. “Are you serious?” Lisa asked incredulously. A flat tire was one thing, a broken radio on top of it was verging on unbelievable. 

Eric turned the radio off and back on again with the same result. “Try yours?” he asked.

She handed it over and he tried again with the same results. “Either we’re out of range or something’s interfering,” he finally said. He put his hands on his hips and thought for a second. “Well okay then.” He grabbed his pack from the truck and handed Lisa hers. “I guess we’re going on a little walk.”

“I cannot believe this is happening,” Lisa said falling in step beside him.

“Sometimes on the battlefield you have to deal with the unexpected,” Eric said.

She spared a second to narrow her eyes at him. “We’re not on the battlefield. We’re running an errand. A simple, easy errand.”

“And sometimes when you run errands, things don’t go according to plan.” Eric clearly wasn’t going to let the fact that they were walking alone through the desert in the heat of the day get to him. “They’ll send somebody out when we don’t check in on time.” He looked at his watch. “Probably meet ‘em about halfway back.”

Halfway back. So a good, two hour walk through the blazing hot desert, and that was if they walked at a brisk pace. Delightful.

They spent the first hour chatting companionably, as much as their quick pace would allow. Both of them were sweating, the heat and uneven terrain requiring a lot of their attention. “We’re making good time. Should meet up with whoever they send out in about an hour or two, depending on when they leave,” Eric said encouragingly.

“And how long if they don’t send somebody?” She was panting a little bit, trying her best not to stumble and fall on her face in the sand.

“They’ll send somebody,” Eric assured her. “Come on Davis, we’ve been through worse than this.”

“Yeah but usually there’s air conditioning on our end of things,” she said with a smile, pulling at the neck of her uniform. 

Her body felt too warm, her throat dry, her eyes gritty with sand. “Drink,” Eric said, pulling out his own canteen.

She did. It was only half full and the water inside was tepid, but she took a couple sips. “They guys are never going to let us forget this,” she said, working hard to put one foot in front of the other.

“Oh don’t I know it,” Eric said. “Sonny’s going to be all over this. I think I’ll take a vacation until he does something stupid that I can hold over his head.”

Lisa let out a snort of laughter. Sonny would certainly be the most likely to remind them of this incident every chance he got. Clay a close second. Those two thought they were one half of the Marx brothers sometimes.

“I feel like I understand him a little better now,” she said. “He’s right, the desert does kind of suck.”

Eric shrugged. “Depends on your point of view.”

“My point of view is that we’re dragging our butts through a pile of sand at noon because of a series of crazy unfortunate events.”

“Well in that case I can see your point.”

Their conversation came to an end as they continued to trudge onward. It was too hot to talk, or even think. Lisa found her mind drifting and then sort of going empty, all her energy going to putting one foot in front of the next. 

“Don’t forget to drink,” Eric reminded her again and she opened her canteen for another sip only to find it was nearly gone. There were maybe two swallows of lukewarm liquid left inside. “I’m getting low,” she said.

“Me too,” he said a little grimly, checking his watch again.

“We should have met someone by now right?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yep.”

She knew they were both trying not to think about what that meant. Arrivals and departures at the base were carefully monitored. For them to still be on their own meant something had to have gone wrong either at the base or with the search party. “Maybe I estimated wrong,” Eric said, but he didn’t sound convinced.

They lapsed into silence once more. Lisa found she was no longer sweating and her throat felt thick and dry. Walking seemed like a huge chore and she was struggling to focus. She was just so damn hot.

Without even thinking she slowed to a stop. Her legs no longer seemed capable of moving. “Lisa?” Eric realized she wasn’t alongside him anymore and turned back. “You all right?”

Her head was swimming and she leaned over to vomit up watery bile. She wiped a shaky hand across her mouth and felt Eric come alongside her, sliding an arm under her shoulder for support. “Come on Davis. We gotta keep going.”

                                     XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Ain’t like either of ‘em to be late,” Sonny said, looking at the door for the hundredth time in the last twenty minutes.

“Maybe they’re still dealing with the outage,” Ray said, arms crossed across his chest.

A massive power outage had taken down half the base for several hours and left everyone scrambling for back-up generators and supplies. The power had only been restored thirty minutes prior and the room was still stuffy from the air conditioning’s little break. Sonny checked his watch. The whole team was assembled for a briefing on a new target package but Lisa and Eric still hadn’t shown.

“Anybody seen them today?” Clay asked.

“They were going outside the wire last I knew,” Trent said. “That was earlier this morning though.”

“Does anybody know if they came back?” Jason demanded.

There was silence in the room. Jason reached for his radio and within minutes it became clear that trouble was brewing. “Gate crew has no record of them coming back,” Jason said when he rang off. “Is it possible they slipped in while the power was out and no one recorded it?” Ray asked.

But they all knew that if that was the case, their teammates would be in the room with them right now.

Sonny was rising out of his seat, the rest of the group doing the same. Hours. They had been missing for hours and no one had known. “Ray get transpo alerted that we’re coming. We’re out of here in five,” Jason ordered.

It took less than that for them to arrive at the vehicle pool and they were loading into the trucks when there was a shout from the gate. Sonny paused as they opened and two lone figures stumbled inside. His heart lurched and he immediately broke into a run, the rest of the guys right behind him.

Sonny reached them first. “Take her,” Blackburn said hoarsely.

Sonny grabbed Lisa, whose body was almost completely limp, and lowered her to the ground. “Lisa, Lisa, hey wake up,” he urged.

She moaned, her eyelids fluttering up and down.

“Hey sit down,” Jason told Eric.

“It was a flat tire,” Eric said, his voice raspy. “The spare was bad too. And something happened with the radio.”

“Okay, we’ve got you,” Trent said, coming to Sonny’s side. “I need ice packs, wet towels, whatever we’ve got. They both need to be cooled off now.”

Clay and Brock tore away from the group at a dead run. “Sonny,” Lisa muttered, her hands fluttering aimlessly.

He caught one, his fear jolting through him when he touched her heated skin. He hadn’t known people could feel this hot. Trent began to loosen her clothing and ordered Blackburn to do the same, Jason taking over when Eric’s fingers fumbled fruitlessly with his buttons. Within thirty seconds they were both stripped down to their undergarments. 

Clay and Brock returned in an impressively short time, handing over a dozen ice packs that Trent immediately began packing into Lisa’s armpits and groin, adding another to her forehead before jumping to Eric and laying him out to do the same, despite his protests.

Base medical arrived with stretchers and other supplies, forcing the guys to pull back as their teammates were bundled off to the infirmary. “Shit,” Jason muttered, shaking his head and running a hand over his face. “God damn it. I want to know how this happened. Now!”

“I’m on it,” Ray said tersely, stalking away toward the gate.

This had been a huge fuck up and Sonny felt sick thinking about what could have happened to their teammates alone outside the wire. The reality was bad enough, but his imagination was doing so much worse. “Hey,” Clay clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Come on.”

He followed the boys to the infirmary. Lisa had been taken back behind a curtain but Eric sat on a bed near the entrance, two IV’s stuck in his arm, his face sunburnt and exhausted. “How you doing?” Jason asked, all of them a little solemn.

“I’ve been better,” he admitted. “What the hell guys?”

“There was a power outage while you were gone,” Trent said. “Nobody realized you hadn’t checked in.”

Eric let out a humorless laugh. “Well don’t that beat all. Who the hell did we piss off upstairs for all this to happen?”

“Sometimes that’s just the way it goes,” Clay said. 

“Well thank god it doesn’t happen very often,” he said. “Any word on Davis yet?”

Sonny shook his head. “Still waiting.”

Blackburn sighed. “I shoulda made her drink more water. It was just so damn hot and she’s so tiny. Damn it all to hell.”

“Hey,” Ray said. “Davis is a tough lady. She’ll be all right.”

                                       XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lisa’s head felt fuzzy and her throat hurt so much she was afraid to even try to swallow. She was vaguely aware that she was drifting in and out of full consciousness. She suspected maybe she didn’t really want to completely wake up and face reality at all because if she remembered right, she and Eric were stuck in the desert with no hope in sight. 

“I told you the fucking desert was going to kill one of us sooner or later.”

Except that was Sonny’s voice. So unless she was hallucinating, which wasn’t unlikely given the situation, maybe they weren’t in the desert after all?

She cracked one gritty eye open and recognized the ceiling of the infirmary, relief crashing over her so quickly she felt tears prick her eyes. They’d made it. Or maybe they’d been rescued? She was a little fuzzy on the details.

“She waking up?” That was Clay’s voice.

Perfect. Just what she wanted. To wake up with the whole team staring down at her. “Davis?” Sonny’s voice was closer now and she could hear worry coloring it.

Reluctantly she opened up both eyes to indeed find the entire team staring at her in clear worry. “Howdy boys. What brings you to this neck of the woods?” she rasped, wincing as the words scraped out of her raw throat.

“Just the fact that you and Blackburn decided to take a walk on the wild side,” Jason said. 

Lisa pushed herself upright, ignoring her throbbing head and stiff body. “Is Eric all right?”

“Eric’s just fine,” Blackburn said, as he joined them. He was walking a little stiffly and it was going to take time for that sunburn to fade, but other than that he looked all right. “Rehydrated and officially okay for duty. The question is, how are you?”

“Fine,” she said, ignoring the sick feeling in her stomach, the pounding in her head, and the tightness in her sunburnt skin that made it feel like old leather. “Totally good. No need for you all to stick around and watch me sit here.”

After a little more chit chat the guys left to continue their briefing with her assurances that she’d join them shortly. But it turned out that she was maybe a little less fine than she’d thought. When she was visited by the doctor he wasn’t happy at all. Her blood pressure wasn’t where he wanted it and her temperature hadn’t come down enough for his liking so it turned out that instead of rejoining the team, she was going to spend the night in the infirmary. Perfect.

But she had to admit, she did feel pretty terrible. The thought of getting off the bed made her head pound harder and her stomach turn.

It was after 10:00, the lights had been turned down low and she stared up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. The curtain was pulled aside and Sonny slipped in. “Hey,” she said in surprise. She hadn’t expected him to come back. They’d been keeping things extra professional in country, which it had been harder than she’d thought.

“How are you really?” he said, his voice low, eyes serious as he studied her. 

“I’m fine.”

“Lisa.”

She closed her eyes. “I’m hurting. But I’ll be okay.”

“Why are they keeping you in here?”

“My blood pressure and temp. And I’m still dehydrated.”

He nodded, processing the information. “You know you’re already a looker. You didn’t need to go working on your tan.”

She smiled and then winced as her swollen lips split and pulled. “I’ll remember that next time.”

“Oh there ain’t going to be a next time,” Sonny said darkly. “You and Blackburn are only allowed outside with babysitters from now on. The team agreed on that.”

“That seems fair.”

There was the soft noise of a doctor or nurse bustling around nearby. “I should let you get some rest,” Sonny said.

She squeezed his hand. “Thanks for coming back.”

He leaned over and cupped her cheek, pressing a soft kiss to her hair. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[seapandora]

Fierce (Part 1?)

Avengers x oc!Rexy, (I honestly haven´t decided on what the final ship will be if there will be one…, also kinda oc!reader)

A/N: I started writing this as a reader x Steve fic but it just works better with an OC. I tried my best to not be too descriptive. This is sorta following the Avengers movies, not the comics. Probably no mention of the guardians… or maybe of Rocket and Groot but they get a pass in my book. Lastly, Ive got no clue wether this will be a series or not. Depends on how its received. So if you wanna see more, reblog and like. I don't own Marvels characters, this is just a fic, nothing more. Enjoy reading it. Thanx <3

Warnings: Anxiety, Blood, Probably some character-distress, slow burn, probably some character death along the road.

Words: 3019

Steve, oh sorry… Captain America… The world's golden boy and everyone's favorite Avenger. Well, everyone, except the Avengers, favorite Avenger. He was always so correct and he drilled the others quite hard, to the point where they had all thought of ways to take him out. Not that that was an easy task. He was a supersoldier. He had superspeed, superstrength, and well, he was quite agile. Bucky was a good sparring match because he also had the supersoldier serum. Those weren´t the only two with it though. They had a third supersoldier on the team, Rexy. Although the serum was the same as Steve and Buckys, Rexys had been spliced with genome from different animals who possessed certain abilities. While Rexy had no real clue as too how Hydra had created the "improved" serum, she now knew what it contained. Mostly thanks to Bruce, who had taken a blood sample when she was taken to the compound. Turned out she had genomes from a cuttlefish, those genes had proven to give her the ability to blend into any kind of background. She also had genes from a pit viper, which essentially gave her the ability to detect people's heat-signatures.

In all honesty, Rexy was a genetic freak, and it was clear that the scientists had been very keen on the whole Jurassic World deal seeing as the genes they had been using had also been used to create the fictional Indominus Rex. That had essentially gotten Sam to give her the nickname Rexy, and Rexy didn't mind. She had never provided any other name and wasn't about to start now that she had stayed with the team for a few years. It would be weird. Steve had been the first one to approach Rexy when she was found, but she had shied away from him. He had thought he could understand her, but he realized how wrong he was when Bucky told him that it was very different to be injected with something out of free will, compared to being injected against your will. Bucky had started to speak Russian and while Rexy hadn´t understood a word, she knew who Bucky was. She had seen his picture millions of times and had heard how he betrayed and left Hydra. That led to Rexy trusting Bucky to keep her safe. She had never heard of Steve before, only Captain America, and she hadn´t made the connection at that point.

For a while, Rexy didn't speak to anyone, not even Bucky. Mostly because he kept speaking to her in Russian and she didn't understand a word. Eventually one day she had asked to be allowed to make a phone call. She had spoken perfect English and the Avengers had all been frozen in their spots when she spoke up. After that, she was able to bond with each and every one of them in a unique way. She had always been the most comfortable around Bucky and Sam because they never put any pressure on her. The same went with Natasha who had become like an older sister to Rexy. Rexy had also quickly bonded with Peter who had become a very close friend of hers. That lead to the Avengers finding out that she was only four years older than Peter and that she had been taken at the young age of 12. Once they realized that Tony made sure to get her into a homeschooling program that the Avengers would help her with. Bucky and Steve worked with her on history, Sam on current conflicts of the world. Natasha helped her learn computers and programs. Bruce helped Rexy with chemistry and Tony worked with her on physics. Wanda helped her with psychology and Vision provided his knowledge whenever someone lacked information. She had gone through her missed years in just under two years and had applied for college. When she knew she had a spot she talked to Tony to see if he could get her a program she could follow from the compound. She wasn't comfortable around others and just felt the safest when she could be in her own space.

Tony had taken care of it all and Rexy was reading three different programs. She was like Tony, a workaholic and she hated not having something to do, and currently, she wasn't allowed on missions. She had had a bit of a tantrum a few weeks which had resulted in a lot of destruction and Steve with a black eye when he tried to calm her down. Rexy was still extremely embarrassed by the whole ordeal and she hated that she had hurt Steve even if he was completely healed after three days. She hated just thinking about it. Back to her studies, she liked having a lot on her plate and she was studying psychology, chemical engineering, and computer science. She wasn't an overly intelligent human freak, but she was interested and that took her more than halfway to her goal, most of the time. And now that she had a lot of time on her hands she made sure to keep up with everything and not fall behind on her studies. The Avengers all tried to help her, but often Rexy would just stare at them until they shut up, and then she´d kindly say she´d ask for help if she needed it. Mostly she talked to Natasha or Tony about stuff she found hard with her computer science courses, but she often asked Peter as well. They usually did most of their homework together or just sat and studied together.

Today just so happened to be one of those study days. Summer break had just started and technically Peter didn't have to study, however, he was still doing the "Stark Internship" and for his teachers to accept it he had to write a larger report on Starks technics, and how some of them worked. Tony had given Peter some parts that didn't do much for him and that wouldn't be a security risk if it leaked. Not that Peter would ever be that stupid. Rexy would trust Peter with anything. Sure he could be a bit of a talker but he had a pure heart and could challenge Steve for being the kindest and most caring human being on the planet. Or should he be called humanoid? He was part spider after all, right? Rexy was just finishing up an essay she had to write for her chemical engineering. It wasn't that hard, just a lot of work and she had put it off for a few days in favor of spending time with Shuri when she had come to visit. Shuri was of big help as well but seeing as she rarely visited them, she and Rexy rarely had time to talk about school or help each other. Mostly when they called they talked about boys or just T´Challa, Bucky, Sam, and Steve because it was fun to gossip about the old men.

Peter repeated his question and Rexy looked up. "Sorry, I was in a weird zone, care to repeat Pete?" She asked softly and blushed slightly at her antics. She usually didn't space out when someone was talking to her. He laughed but just shook his head. "Don't worry ´bout it. How´s the essay going, need anything? I was going to get something to drink and something to eat, you want anything?" He asked as he stood up. Rexy thought for a moment before she stood up as well. "I´ll just go with you." She answered knowing Peter would most likely forget something and then he´d be mad at himself. This way they could focus on what they wanted for themselves and then help each other back. She was always keeping an extra eye on Peter knowing he did suffer from a bit of anxiety. It didn't help that he was underage and fighting crime. It was a lot of pressure on a teenager. Rexy always figured that everyone stayed strong for her that she would repay them by staying strong for someone so important to them all and be his rock instead of the opposite way around. Yes, Rexy had missed a lot of her life as a teenager, but her years in Hydras´ grip had made her appreciate the small things in life and she didn't take anything for granted. She taught Peter to enjoy life while he still had it. It wasn't something you could get back later on, once you were gone you were gone. Peter had, because of Rexy, started to date MJ and he had started saying no to nightly patrols in favor of spending time with MJ.

Rexy didn't mind Peter spending a lot of time with MJ, she knew she always had him. She also had a lot of other things she had to do rather than think of Peter. She was an Avenger. Well, sort of at least. She hadn´t signed the papers, afraid that she would end up in another organization, like Hydra. She did however work as a consultant for the government. The American, and several other governments as well. She wasn't American by birth and didn't even have American citizenship. Hence why she didn't show loyalty to only the states. She was a freelancing superhero. She snapped out of her second daze in just a short time as Peter stood up and she followed his lead. She had gotten a call earlier during the day and she was leaving for a solo mission in just a few hours but she and Peter had planned this afternoon of studying for some time. Once they were all done she would be leaving though. So far only Natasha knew as she had been around when the call came. Rexy was hesitant to telling Peter she was leaving. Peter always worried about her and he wouldn't be able to relax until she got back and she didn't want that for him. He had a date with MJ the next day and Rexy wanted Peter to enjoy it.

They walked to the kitchen and Rexy got herself a cup of coffee and a soda. She needed the energy for the rest of the afternoon. She also got herself a FlapJack bar, one with summer berries. She waited for Peter to grab what he wanted for the afternoon before they began walking back towards the library. Rexy yawned a bit and hummed. It was a slow day and it made her slow and tired. She was in some weird way looking forward to the sleep she could get on the jet. She enjoyed sleeping on the jet, something about it was soothing. Rexy and Peter sat back down at the table and quickly emerged themselves back into their studying. Rexy began to type on her essay fairly quickly and within minutes she was in a flow. Her essay was actually on nanotechnology as a means of drug delivery in the human body. While Rexy wasn't necessarily supposed to make a case for a certain technology her professor had accepted her request to be allowed to create a drug delivery system that could work, with the help of nanotechnology. It had all been a success and the essay was mostly a discussion about potential issues her mechanic could have and whether it was more effective than traditional drug delivery. She was, in all honesty, very happy with her results and the way the essay was coming along. She was just hoping it would be accepted by her professor and that the reviewers wouldn´t be too harsh, even if that was the point. Rexy didn’t intend for her research to go mainstream and she had no interest in making it a reality. The technology was expensive and few countries would get access to it and in Rexy´s mind, everyone should have the same possibility to acquire the technology or no one should have it. The current techniques were acceptable and working, rich countries didn’t need another way of distributing drugs, not yet at least.

She typed up the last few paragraphs and emailed it to Bruce, who had promised to proofread it and think whether Rexy's arguments would hold or not. She noticed Peter was still stuck on one of his problems and leaned over to get a better look at it. Their relationship was incredible. They didn’t even need to talk to be able to communicate their issues. Rexy could see he was struggling and wanted her help. “Read the problem to me, and I´ll see if I can help.” She said softly and smiled at him as she leaned her head in her hand. “Okay, so… I have to calculate the momentum of a 2000 kilo elephant who´s running at 7.5 meters per second. Compare the momentum of the elephant to that of a 0.0400-kilo dart fired at 600 meters per second. And lastly, I have to calculate the momentum of a 90-kilo human running at 7.4 meters per second.” Peter explained and sighed softly Physics wasn’t his strong suit. The truth was it wasn’t Rexy´s either, but she had taken a course in basic physics just to understand some things that Bruce and Tony would talk about now and then.

“Okay so let's break each question up. The first question was about the elephant's momentum, right? So momentum is the mass times the velocity and you have both of those factors, right?” Rexy said and smiled. Peter nodded and quickly wrote up the equation as meve and continued by adding in the values he already had. Peter used his calculator to do the multiplication of 2000 times 7.50 and got the answer 15 000. “Cool, now let´s write that as a scientific notation instead. “ Rexy said and waited as Peter instead wrote the answer as 1.50 x 104. “And don’t forget what it is you’ve calculated, kg times meter per second.” She added to let Peter know he had to write out the SI-unit. “Okay, now the second question. Let´s calculate that the same way, to begin with, now that you’ve got how to calculate the momentum.” She said and smiled as she took a sip of her drink. It didn’t take Peter very long at all and he waited for Rexy to swallow her drink before he looked at her for help. “So comparing the two momentums… momenta?... oh well. You want to divide the momentum of the elephant by the momentum of the dart. So it will be 1.50 x 104 kg x m/s divided by 24.0 kg x m/s as that was the momentum of the dart.” She explained and pointed to his two previous answers. The more Peter thought of it the less hard this became. Maybe it was just hard because he was thinking of so many other things. He had the date with MJ in his head and he had a few exams coming up in the next few weeks. Peter did the math quickly and got the result 625 as he should. “Great, so if you'd want to put that sensibly for a test or so, you could write that the momentum of the elephant is 625 times the momentum of the dart because the elephant weighs much more than the dart,” Rexy explained with a quick shrug. She didn’t mind Peter asking her for help even if the problem wasn’t that hard. He always helped her with things that turned out to not be very hard.

“So last question. This is the thing you’ve done for both previous questions so why don’t you do it while I save up my file and I´ll check it in 2 minutes?” She asked and smiled at Peter before she turned to her laptop to save her current file and to open the email she had received from Hill with some assignment details. She quickly transferred those files to her file in Friday's head and made sure Friday would lock it up with a password. The password wasn’t that hard, but it was something the others didn’t know about her. Okay maybe Natasha knew, but she knew everything. She checked back in with Peter in precisely two minutes and smiled as he had done it correctly. “You got it.” She said and patted his arm. “Now if the questions get any harder, please don’t ask me, I suck at physics.” She chuckled and closed her laptop. “I gotta go, Pete… I have some stuff to do.” She said and frowned. “Oh, okay Rex. Study sesh tomorrow?” He asked and looked over at Rexy as he too began to pack his things up. “I can´t tomorrow, I´m going out of town for a little bit.” She said and sighed. “I´ll be back by the end of the weekend.” She added and looked at Peter who looked like she had just told him someone had died. “Is it a mission or something?” He asked and frowned. He was always very protective of her even if she was technically older than him. “Yes, but I´m going to be fine Peter. It’s a simple mission.” Rexy assured him. He stood up and hugged her quickly. “Are you going off-grid? Or can you send me updates?” He asked as they hugged. This was the exact reason she hadn´t wished for Peter to know. He would be worried sick and she hated making him worried. “Look, you have a date tomorrow night, and I don’t want you to worry. Hill wants me to be off-grid but I´ll make an exception for you until tomorrow night, okay? You and Tasha are the only ones who know I´m going. You can´t tell Sam or Bucky until later tonight, or they will try to stop me. This is something I, and I alone, have to do.” She explained and kissed Peter's cheek before she let him go to collect her things. Peter sighed but knew better than to argue with Rexy. She was a capable woman who was more than used to her own missions by now.

[frmartinshomiliesandreflections]

13th November >> Fr. Martin’s Gospel Reflections / Homilies on Luke 17:26-37 for Friday, Thirty Second Week in Ordinary Time: ‘People were eating and drinking, buying and selling’.

Friday, Thirty Second Week in Ordinary Time

Gospel (Except USA)

Luke 17:26-37

When the day comes for the Son of Man to be revealed

Jesus said to the disciples:

‘As it was in Noah’s day, so will it also be in the days of the Son of Man. People were eating and drinking, marrying wives and husbands, right up to the day Noah went into the ark, and the flood came and destroyed them all. It will be the same as it was in Lot’s day: people were eating and drinking, buying and selling, planting and building, but the day Lot left Sodom, God rained fire and brimstone from heaven and it destroyed them all. It will be the same when the day comes for the Son of Man to be revealed.

‘When that day comes, anyone on the housetop, with his possessions in the house, must not come down to collect them, nor must anyone in the fields turn back either. Remember Lot’s wife. Anyone who tries to preserve his life will lose it; and anyone who loses it will keep it safe. I tell you, on that night two will be in one bed: one will be taken, the other left; two women will be grinding corn together: one will be taken, the other left.’ The disciples interrupted. ‘Where, Lord?’ they asked. He said, ‘Where the body is, there too will the vultures gather.’

Gospel (USA)

Luke 17:26-37

So it will be on the day the Son of Man is revealed.

Jesus said to his disciples: “As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be in the days of the Son of Man; they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage up to the day that Noah entered the ark, and the flood came and destroyed them all. Similarly, as it was in the days of Lot: they were eating, drinking, buying, selling, planting, building; on the day when Lot left Sodom, fire and brimstone rained from the sky to destroy them all. So it will be on the day the Son of Man is revealed. On that day, someone who is on the housetop and whose belongings are in the house must not go down to get them, and likewise one in the field must not return to what was left behind. Remember the wife of Lot. Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses it will save it. I tell you, on that night there will be two people in one bed; one will be taken, the other left. And there will be two women grinding meal together; one will be taken, the other left.” They said to him in reply, “Where, Lord?” He said to them, “Where the body is, there also the vultures will gather.”

Reflections (7)

(i) Friday, Thirty Second Week in Ordinary Time

In the gospel reading Jesus refers to the ordinary business of human living, namely, eating, drinking, buying, selling, planting, building, marrying and raising a family. We are all engaged in some or all of these activities. Along with other activities, they are all essential to human living. Yet, Jesus is saying that there is something even more important, and that is our openness to receive the coming of the Son of Man, our welcoming of his presence to us. He is inviting us to look beyond all the many worthwhile activities we are engaged in and to notice his presence at the heart of it all. We are to pay attention to the Lord present in the midst of life. We could refer to this as a contemplative attitude towards living. We remain engaged in all the activities that make up our usual day but we recognize that there is a more at the core of it all, and that more is the Lord seeking us out, calling out to us. What is his call to us at the heart of all that we do? We find the answer to that question in today’s first reading, where Saint John refers to the fundamental commandment, ‘let us love one another’. To say that the Lord is at the heart of all our living is to say that Love is at the heart of all our living, the Lord’s loving presence to us and his call to us to reflect his love for us in the way we relate to one another, to love one another as he loves us. Whenever, in the midst of all our activities, we are seeking to open ourselves more fully to the Lord ‘s loving presence to us and to pass on that love to those we meet, then we are contemplatives in action. All our activities will be shaped by the Lord’s presence.

And/Or

(ii) Friday, Thirty Second Week in Ordinary Time

Each of us in our own way is involved in the daily business of life. The ordinary day to day matters engage us. Most of our time is taken up with just living in that very ordinary sense of the word. Jesus refers to this rhythm of daily living in this morning’s gospel reading. He speaks of eating and drinking, marrying wives and husbands, buying and selling, planting and building. This is the stuff of life. Without it life could not go on. It is no surprise that it takes up so much of our time and energy. Yet, in the gospel reading, Jesus warns against becoming so absorbed by the ordinary routine of life that we never look beyond it or look at a deeper level. In that context of ordinary human activity Jesus speaks of the day of the coming of the Son of Man. That will be a day that puts everything we do, the ordinary business of life, into a totally different perspective, an eternal perspective in a sense. We need something of that eternal perspective before the arrival of that day of the Son of Man. The glorious Son of Man, the risen Lord, is already among us. There is a sense in which he is arriving in the course of our day. The gospel reading warns against becoming so immersed in our day to day affairs that we fail to take notice of him or pay attention to him. We need to be fully immersed in our world with its various comings and goings while at the same time not being so absorbed by that world that we forget about that someone greater who stands among us calling out to us, inviting us into a personal relationship with him. It is out of that relationship that we then engage with the nitty-gritty of life.

And/Or 

(iii) Friday, Thirty Second Sunday in Ordinary Time

Today’s gospel reading speaks about the activities of eating and drinking, taking wives and husbands, buying and selling, planting and building. These will always be some of the main activities of any human life. We could add to that list. Jesus reminds his listeners that in the time of Noah people were all engaged in these activities when, suddenly, disaster struck, the flood came and all these vitally important human activities seemed less important. On this basis Jesus warns his contemporaries not to become so absorbed by these very human and necessary activities that when he, the Son of Man, comes at the end of time, they will be unprepared for his coming and caught off guard. Jesus is reminding us that we need to keep a proper sense of perspective. The activities of life can be so absorbing and so wonderful in many ways that they can become an end in themselves. There is a deeper dimension to these activities which we can miss. The Lord who comes at the end of time is present to us in and through all of our daily activities. The Lord is present in all things. We need that contemplative approach to life which allows us to recognize the Lord present to us in all our activities. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. We encounter the Lord in and through the flesh of life. If we are open to his presence at the heart of life, then his coming to us at the end of time or at the end of our own earthly time will not take us by surprise.

 And/Or

(iv) Friday, Thirty Second Week in Ordinary Time

The gospel reading this morning warns against being so absorbed in the ordinary things of life that we neglect what is of ultimate importance. The reading speaks of eating and drinking, buying and selling, planting and building, marrying wives and husbands. These activities and many others are the stuff of life. They are very important. Life could not go on without them. They are so important that we may to see them as of ultimate importance; this is all there is. Yet, above and beyond all of that necessary activity there is a deeper reality, what the reading refers to as the day for the Son of Man to be revealed. The Son of Man is revealed at the end of time and at the end of our own personal lives. The Son of Man is also revealed in the here and now; the Lord calls out to us in and through the ordinary activities in which we are always engaged. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. All of life is an invitation to contemplate the Lord who is at the heart of life. He calls out to us, as we go about our daily lives, to seek him with all our being just as he seeks us with all his being.

 And/Or

(v) Friday, Thirty Second Week in Ordinary Time

The gospel describes a situation in which the normal business of life is suddenly cut short by some unexpected event. The eating, drinking, buying, selling, planting, building, marrying wives and husbands, that went on in the days of Noah and the days of Lot were suddenly brought to a stop by catastrophic events, the great flood and the destruction of a city. In our own lives we can have a similar experience. We are caught up in the ordinary day to day business of living, and suddenly something happens that renders all of that of secondary importance. What is it that keeps us going when those familiar routines no longer sustain us? For us as Christians, it can only be our faith in the Lord. We know that when all else changes, when everything else collapses around us, the Lord endures. In the words of yesterday’s gospel reading, ‘the kingdom of God is among you’. God’s reign, God’s power, is among us, in and through his Son. When all else fails, we can rely on that. Like Saint  Paul, we can discover that God’s power is made perfect in weakness. In our times of greatest weakness we can experience the Lord’s power most fully.

  And/Or

(vi)  Friday, Thirty Second Week in Ordinary Time 

The first reading from second letter of Saint John expresses our baptismal calling in a very succinct way, ‘to live a life of love’. The author assures us that all the Lord’s commandments can be reduced to this one commandment to love. It is above all Jesus who shows us what it means to love, by his life, death and resurrection. He also gives us the power to love as he loved and continues to love by pouring the Holy Spirit into our hearts. To love in this sense is to give of ourselves in the service of the Lord and his people. In the words of today’s gospel reading, it is to be prepared to lose our lives for others, rather than putting our efforts into preserving our lives at all costs. That gospel reading also speaks about the coming of the Son of Man and the suddenness of that coming. The reference is primarily to the coming of the Son of Man at the end of time, but we can apply what is said to Jesus’ coming at the end of our own earthly lives. If we live a life of love each day of our lives, then we will be found ready and waiting whenever the Son of Man comes to us. At the end of our lives and at the end of time, it is the quality of our love that will matter most in the Lord’s eyes. Have we shown to others something of the love that God has shown to us by the sending of his Son, something of the love that Jesus has displayed in his life, death and resurrection.

 And/Or

(vii)  Friday, Thirty Second Week in Ordinary Time

The activities mentioned in the gospel reading of eating and drinking, marrying wives and husbands, buying and selling, planting and building are the stuff of everyday life. Yet, Jesus suggests in that reading that all those activities can suddenly come to a stop, as at the time of Noah and the flood, and the time of Lot and the destruction of Sodom. Jesus is not suggesting that all these activities are not important, but he is implying that they are not of ultimate importance, because they will all pass away and, sometimes, quite suddenly. What then is of ultimate importance? Both of today’s readings suggest that it is not so much the activities themselves that are of ultimate importance but the fundamental attitude of heart that lies behind them. Saint John in the first reading names this attitude of heart as love. ‘To live a life of love’, he says, is to live according to God’s commandments, and this is what ultimately matters. In the gospel reading, Jesus declares that anyone who loses his life will keep it. By ‘losing one’s life’ Jesus means giving one’s life in love to others, and to God present to us in others. This is what gives meaning to all our activities, and it is this quality of heart which will endure when all else passes away. As Saint Paul says, ‘Love never ends’. Love never ends because it is of God, it is a reflection of God’s life, and God never ends.

Fr. Martin Hogan.

[fanders-sanctuary-au]

Dream's Orders

So this is my tiny for this Fanderside Au! I’m pleased to meet him, and if you wish to play with him, please feel free to ask me about doing a rp or co-story!

I hope you enjoy!!

Warnings- Mentions of abuse towards tiny’s, mentions of suffocation, mentions of starvation, mentions of plans to murder someone. Indication of past psychical and emotional abuse.

I believe that is everything, please tell me if I missed anything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You understand what you’re to do?” The man speaks gruffly. He’s dressed in fine clothing, and looking down at a tiny standing before him. The tiny has silver grey hair that reaches his shoulders and pale blue eyes. He’s dressed in ill fitting doll clothing, standing a mere 4 inches high, bruises and scars of all kinds, both old and new, cover his body. He makes no indication that they hurt, he couldn’t afford to show that weakness.

“Yes sir” the tiny says, his voice is faint, hardly a whisper in the air but the man hears it all the same. The man nods and motions for the tiny to get in a box that’s sitting on it’s side near him. He does, limping as he climbs into the box. It’s sealed and dumped in the outgoing mail. Hopefully he’d arrive before he got too bad with lack of food and water, but if he failed there were more that could be sent in his place, they were raised for these kinds of jobs after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The package arrived in the regular mail, one side had been slightly crushed and the plain box was addressed to “Sanders Sanctuary” Thomas hummed as he gathered the box with the other mail, and headed inside.

“Bill, bill, invite to an interview..” He paused looking at who was invite him and wrinkled his nose. Nope, those people had a very bad reputation for spinning anything someone said into some sort of slander. That got ripped in half and tossed in the trash.

“Lets see.. magazine, and this?” He mused looking at the plain box. No return address, and just addressed to the sanctuary? Puzzled Thomas got out a letter opener and sliced open the tape holding the box shut. He opened it and very nearly dropped the box in shock when he saw what was inside.

“Larry!!” He yelped as he bolted for the medical wing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“…though the mail…” the words floated though his head. It was too much effort to actually open his eyes, and the voice wasn’t familiar. It wasn’t his sir speaking, or any of the trainers he knew. He felt weaker the normal and his head was spinning.

“cruel… could have died!” He really wished the voices would be quiet, but they didn’t seem to want to stop. Finally he managed to pry one eye open. The room that greeted him, made both his eyes snap open. He was NOT where he was supposed to be! This was not Sir’s cage! He then remembered what happened, he’d been given orders, and put in a box. Then mailed.. .it had taken.. what a week and a half? Two weeks? He wasn’t sure.. but the heat of the summer in the enclosed box had been almost unbearable, it had been suffocating. Of course it wouldn’t be the first time he’d been suffocated, no being smothered by a pillow and trapped in a plastic bag held tightly around his body was probably worse then the stale, sweltering air inside of the box. He had no idea when he’d finally blacked out from lack of water, food and the heat.

“Woah.. it’s alright..  ” a gentle voice spoke to him. Slowly the pale blue eyes turned and looked at the blurry figure.

“I’m glad you woke up, but don’t try to push yourself. You were pretty dehydrated, and you’re pretty malnourished.” The blurry person said. He nodded, nothing new on those fronts. Being underfed kept him quiet and not with enough energy to try and escape Sir, or fight back.. or well anything. The rest, well he had spent quite a long time taped inside a box in the mail with no food or water.

He was still trying to sort out what was going on though, he hadn’t expected to wake up.. in a hospital? And weirdly enough everything seemed to be his size. Had he been sent to the wrong address? Chapped lips parted as he shifted slightly

“.. where?” his voice was a rasp, worse then when he spoke to Sir, but the person, still blurry darn it, attending him spoke.

“Sanders Sanctuary, you were.. well…” they trailed off as if unsure if they should say how he arrived.

“Mailed.. to us.. ” he said. Again there was a nod, he knew this, he’d gotten his orders and climbed into the box obediently, thank goodness he was in the right place. Still he was very confused, Sir had never mentioned they had a hospital here.

“I’m sure your throat is dry as sand, lets get you something to drink!” Suddenly the blurry figure left his sight and came back, a cool hand lifted his head slightly and something was pressed to his lips. Then the fist brush of liquid graced his chapped lips and he drank willingly. The one supporting him told him to drink slowly and he did so. The liquid felt like heaven and the pounding headache was already starting to lessen a bit. But he was feeling exhausted, not unusual, he was always tired.. sore, hurt, nothing new. But it was odd to have someone gently lay him down and smooth soft covers over him. He noted absently he was no longer in the painful doll clothes, but something softer that fit far better then anything he’d ever had on in his life.

“You get some rest, we’ll talk more later alright?” the blurry person said. He nodded once more and his eyes shut, how strange to be allowed to rest so much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was the routine for at least four days. Finally though he was sitting up on his own, and able to talk normally. He found out he had on a pair of soft pants, and a t-shirt that opened in the center. He’d had a heart monitor on him, along with an IV, both things were tiny sized, and he was more puzzled then ever. He watched the others his size come and go, and sometimes saw humans come in, and move a part of the roof to gently set tiny people in, or to put supplies into the room. They never stayed long, he honestly was more confused then ever.

“Alright, I have been told you’re clear to leave the hospital!” a nurse tiny said. He nodded his head and would get up off of the bed.

“Now you go see Patton, He will guide you to your new room and help you get settled alright?” He nodded his head in agreement, and though he was still limping, he headed out of the hospital. It didn’t take long for him to locate Paton, or more accurately for Patton to locate him.

“Kiddo! They were able to let you out today!” he said cheerfully  having been heading to to the hospital to check and see if he’d been cleared. He nodded his head again.

“Yes, You must be Patton?” he asked. His voice was still whisper quiet, but Patton nodded beaming at him.

“Yep! nobody has told me yet, so what’s your name kiddo?” He asked curiously.

“Dream” He said simply in response.

“Dream huh? Well that’s a great name! Why don’t we get you settled in alright? Virgil will want to get some measurements on you, right now we just guessed at the clothing size you needed, and he’ll want to know what kind of style you like.. ” Patton rambled on as he led Dream down the walks and halls that were all borrower sized.

None of this made sense to Dream. This Sanctuary was supposedly tied to the Shadow man, and Sir wanted the owner and the Shadow Man dead. Dream had been told to expect torture or experimentation, but to get the job done. And it wasn’t like that would be any different then just going though his daily training. Torture, pain, suffering, conditioning, all of it done to him all the time so he was the perfect little assassin. He could hold up to torture and not crack, he could pretend he had no pain, and he didn’t really care about killing a human or tiny alike. His hands were not clean in the least in that sense. He’d gotten numb to the guilt that it caused him.

Outside of Sir, nobody believed a tiny could do something as complicated as being an assassin.  Still though, this place… was nothing like he had expected. They had been weirdly kind to him, and weirdly accepting of his refusal to speak about, well much of anything, and just… weird.. in general.

“Oh that’s Thomas!! Thomas!!” Patton called out, bringing Dream back from his thoughts.

“Here’s the one who.. this is Dream! He’s finally been released from the hospital! I’m taking him to his room now!” Patton said. Dream looked at the human. He didn’t seem… he simply looked overworked, tired, and perhaps a bit stressed, but the warm smile he sent Dream’s way confused him more.

“I’m so glad you’re recovering so fast Dream. If you need anything don’t hesitate to ask alright?” he said. Dream nodded very slowly at the human. And again his expectations were being twisted, this man didn’t seem cruel, or like a mob boss, or any underground owner he’d ever met. Dream’s head was starting to spin from the confusion.

“Good, why not go get some rest. We’ll have dinner in a few hours if you’re up to meeting everyone.” Thomas added and headed down the hall. Dream’s pale blue eyes watched him. This was one of the people he was supposed to kill? That was supposedly someone in league with the Shadow Man? He didn’t look like he could hurt a mosquito. Dream looked back to Patton and frowned. Everything seemed.. complicated. But he wasn’t allowed to survive if he failed. He had been given orders from Sir. Kill them both, or die trying. Dream sighed a little bit, feeling some odd weight settling heavy in his chest.

“Everything alright kiddo?” Patton asked. Dream simply nodded a little, though Patton was sure that there was something turning behind those pale eyes.

“Alright, so here is your room, why don’t you get settled in for a bit, and I’ll see you later alright?” he offered. Dream nodded and then stepped in the room. He could use some down time, and some peace and quiet to shove these weird conflicting emotions to the side. He had a job to do, and he wouldn’t fail Sir.

Thomas Sanders, and the Shadow Man were to die. That was all there was too it. So why did he have an odd tight feeling in his chest at the thought?

Dream sat down on the edge of the bed in the room and looked at the floor.

“.. i .. have to .. right?” he muttered out loud to the empty room.

T: AAAAAAAh, So you have me HOOKED on this idea! What a cool idea, a borrower sent to infiltrate the sanctuary! And oof, I just wanna give poor Dream a hug. But I am so here for him getting his walls slowly chipped away and him finally realizing that everyone here is really good, and him wrestling between that and what he’s been ordered to do...super cool, thank you for writing this!