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sunsoothed · 3 years

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lightness

jang hanseo character study kinda fic i promised. i'm not sure if this is a character study anymore. i have no idea what this became. anyway! i wanted to explore hanseo and give him a bit of a backstory, so here it is!

*deep breath* content warnings: graphic descriptions of violence, physical abuse, blood, injury, canonical character death (not hanseo), recreational drug use, underage drug use, implied drug abuse

word count: 1866

read on ao3

hope you like it!

When Jang Hanseo is seven, he is acquainted with elder brother. Regal; nine-years-old and already hunting.

He still hides behind their father with him when he pretends to be terrified of the sound of gunfire.

Hanseo says nothing. He never brings up how his brother had thrown the bloodied rabbit and his rifle to the servant attending him, never brings up how thoroughly he washed his hands to hide the evidence of his independence from his father.

Never brings up how his brother assessed him with just a look and nothing more.

The first words Jang Hanseo’s brother says to him are as follows:

“Don’t call me hyung.”

Jang Hanseo blinks, traces his eyes over the leather of his brother’s jacket, over the blood that drips from his gloves, over the rifle he holds in his hands. He smiles.

“Okay, hyung-nim!”

A scoff, but some appraisal. Jang Hanseo doesn’t understand the half-smile he receives that autumn afternoon, but he remembers it until he beats his brother with a hockey stick, striking his head trice ‘til he’s out and his back once just for good measure, just to see the blood coming up to his mouth for him to choke on.

The first time his brother hits him, Jang Hanseo is eight. The ice rink is dark, and his brother is more geared up than he is.

Jang Hanseo misses thrice, scores once. He is rewarded with a swipe of the hockey stick on the back of his calf, and he thinks it is a game.

For that, he is rewarded with his first broken bone and a seared memory of a hand heavy on his throat. A laugh without mercy.

When Jang Hanseo is thirteen, he is offered alcohol at a party his father is hosting.

He declined, having seen first-hand what alcohol does to you, what a rage it puts his father in as he breaks porcelain, the scar he left on his mother’s cheek that lasted till the day she died.

When Jang Hanseo is fourteen, his brother kills four people. Classmates, he tells him, when he comes home with red speckled on his face. They weren’t worthy of being my classmates.

Jang Hanseo celebrates his fifteenth birthday with the diagnosis of his brother being a psychopath and accidentally tearing open the letter of a one-way ticket to the United States.

Instead of cake, he consumes his own blood, and instead of a pat on the back, he has a dislocated shoulder.

When he wakes a day later hooked to an IV, his brother is gone. The phantom of his laugh lives on, searing long into Hanseo’s conscience.

At fifteen-and-a-half, his father sends Hanseo to his grandmother’s for the summer. His father is undergoing a trial, on the charges of bribery, abetting murder, and perjury. With one son shipped off to the States and another to Jeju Island, he has no pawns he will feel ill about sacrificing. It’s not that he loves them. It’s that letting your son die because the ransom money you can very well afford would require you to take some shares out, and that’s too tedious of a process to go through.

So Jang Hanseo boards the short flight, stares out of the window for the longest one hour and fifteen minutes of his life so far. He’s never met his grandmother.

He wonders if she’s like his father, knowing she’s raised him, or if she’s worse.

She’s leagues different from anyone in his family.

Halmeoni scans him up and down when the driver drops him off at her estate. At the front door itself, she says, “We have a lot of fixing-up to do.”

It leaves an impression, that’s for sure.

The best summer of his life, Hanseo learns how to uproot weeds and catch a chicken without screaming like his life was being threatened. His halmeoni owns a farm, some 150 acres of greenery and animal and mansion.

Halmeoni teaches him first how to eat well, how to fill his plate and not feel bad about it, how to overeat and regret it. Halmeoni teaches him second that he is the most important person to himself; never his father, and not his hyung-nim.

Halmeoni teaches him third that he has no one else in the world but himself.

This, Jang Hanseo remembers the most.

(But his brother’s —)

With his brother’s absence, an anxiety sets into Hanseo’s veins so intensely that upon looking up his symptoms, he sees words like psychosis and personality disorder and promptly closes his laptop shut.

Unbidden, but not unwelcome, he remembers the rages his father fell into. He remembers the embers of gold in those small wide glasses that abeoji owned, remembers the crates of bottles that they used to have moved into the house. He also recalls the putrid smoke that used to emerge from the study. The smell of something burnt and something that made him cough so hard it alerted his father of his presence.

It’s in the boys washroom that he smells the scent again. By the open window, out curls smoke.

Jang Hanseo catches the eye of the assailant. Oh Yeonwoo will get him into this mess and then out. He will be Hanseo’s first true friend.

Jang Hanseo tries it for the first time on the terrace of the school. One joint between the two of them and nothing but heaving coughs from him until he learns how to take air after smoke and allow its natural passage back up. The joint is over by then, and Hanseo feels nothing.

Yeonwoo bumps their shoulders together, carelessly tossing the filter over the railing of the terrace. “You’ll get the hang of it,” He assures. “I didn’t even make it after a couple of joints, so you’re doing better than me already.”

Hanseo lends him a half-smile. Better than him, he thinks. When have I ever been better than anyone?

“Hanseo-yah, what’re you thinking with that scowl, hm?” Yeonwoo bumps their shoulders together again. “You’re so scary when you space out.”

“I am?”

Yeonwoo nods again. Hanseo notes something hazy in his eyes, something completely unguarded in his demeanour. He blinks cautiously.

“Hanseo-yah,” Yeonwoo whines, “Stop staring at me.”

“I’m not,” He replies. “Are —” Are you okay? Hanseo was going to ask. Stupid. Yeonwoo has settled against his shoulder now, humming some tune. He stretches his legs out in front of him and sways his feet to the rhythm. He seems better than okay.

So this is what it does, Hanseo thinks. Lightness. He wants to be light.

And so, Jang Hanseo, age sixteen, falls into something whose magnitude he cannot guess. Addiction is only the half of it. The other half had started the day Yeonwoo showed him something called shotgunning, which had taken his first kiss and his first experience with intoxication whose harm had lasted longer than its euphoria.

When he lies beside Yeonwoo, all too hot and all too cold, unable to distinguish which fingers are his when they hold hands, he finds it. The lightness. When Yeonwoo turns and exhales into his neck, prickling sweat and prickling hair to stand on edge, Hanseo smiles.

And when Hanseo wakes up, the dread in his gut is deeper than it’s ever been.

(— his brother’s —)

So it seems that boys with no family and boys with brothers who know nothing but violence and boys with a terrible, terrible blankness to them can also, by some grace of humanity, fall in love. And so it seems, as Hanseo feels the telltale thumping of his heart and lightness in his abdomen, that Yeonwoo will keep having this effect on him.

Subtlety, Yeonwoo tells him, the afternoon they sit on the roof and stare at the sky and at the smoke. Subtlety will let you get away with everything.

Subtle touches, then. Hanseo’s fingers lingering a moment too long on Yeonwoo’s arm, Hanseo’s hand firm between his shoulder blades. Subtle words, and subtle smiles, and subtle smoke between their mouths as they chase lightness.

Subtle kisses, too, when Hanseo feels he can see his own eyes in Yeonwoo’s, when Hanseo still finds the thrill of sealing his lips with Yeonwoo’s to be a minefield of his own feelings. Subtle kisses that Yeonwoo always blackens — drags them down into teeth and tongue and desire. Hanseo doesn’t know, then, that this is what differentiates them. What puts him on a curved, unshapely parabola and Yeonwoo on a straight line.

Feral, Hanseo once thinks, his gaze only slightly unclouded, as Yeonwoo bites at his lips, his neck. Feral, in the way he never kisses to coax Hanseo’s mouth open; never to cherish feeling. Only to chase after something so much deeper.

At seventeen, Jang Hanseo implodes from heartbreak.

Transfer student. Short, ebony hair, in that oh-so-timeless straight bob. He has a nice smile, even Hanseo can tell, and he has a charming walk. He’s also assigned a seat beside him. This, of all things, was the catalyst.

Yeonwoo didn’t want to kiss him anymore. Yeonwoo wanted to smoke with him, but Yeonwoo also bought a new companion along with him. Yeonwoo, it seemed, never wanted what Hanseo did. Yeonwoo, it seemed, never felt the way Hanseo did.

Hanseo knows that he knew, somewhere, beneath what his world had become, that this would not stand for long. Its foundations were, in the end, smoke.

But it does not surprise him, Hanseo thinks, seventeen and a quarter, something vile in his veins. It does not surprise him that he’s here.

His head hits, dully, the floor under him. He laughs. And he laughs some more, as the world turns from dust to sky to ocean. And he waits for the servants to find him in his father’s study.

They tell him that he’s lucky, later, in the hospital. Jang Hanseo thinks this is what death feels like, on the verge of eighteen. He states blinking at the ceiling. Hospital rooms are white on all six sides, and heaven is supposed to be white on all six sides as well. He wants to laugh, so he does.

And it hurts.

Hanseo stops laughing.

(— his brother’s laugh —)

Hanseo laughs. Ten years past, ten years perished, Hanseo laughs until his heart hurts. His brother’s heart is still beating. His blood is still warm, the three hits to his head and one to his back hadn’t kept him down. Hanseo laughs as the blood splatters on his face, sprinkled red on his chin and lips, a sprinkled red dancing in his eyes as he brings the hockey stick down, down, down.

For everything Hanseok has made him — less, more, just enough. For all these little things that had changed Hanseo more than broken bones could. For lost love. For things that weren’t, in the end, Hanseok’s fault.

Hanseo beats him till his heart stops fighting back and the blood pooled in his mouth flows quietly. Till Hanseo feels no fight left in him, and then some, till the exhaustion in him takes over.

Hanseo slumps over his brother’s dead body, and Hanseo laughs.

(But his brother’s laugh will always be louder.)

#tvn vincenzo #jang hanseo #jang hanseok #vincenzo fic #tw violence #tw abuse #tw drugs #whovie writes

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gofancyninjaworld · 4 years

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The Changing Structure of the OPM Story -- and the Challenge of Adaptation

I've been thinking a lot about the structure of OPM and how it's been changing as we get into the story. I really don't envy anyone who has the task of adapting OPM for screen, particularly as the story advances.

Something that Shingo Natsume says in his interview with AnimeLab Australia really brought it home for me. He says that it's not correct to call the characters around Saitama a 'supporting cast' as they all have their unique roles (start around 2:30). And that got me thinking.

youtube

I think we can broadly divide OPM’s story so far into four phases (the divisions are arbitrary, but I hope useful)

Phase I: INDIVIDUALS

When OPM starts, it's all about the individual characters and there's little focus on the world in which they exist in. It's natural, because we're just being introduced to them. We start out, it's just Saitama, wandering around in splendid isolation. He’s in a world that’s bizarre with giant brothers and underground civilizations, but nothing is explained to us. He exists.

Then it's Saitama and Genos, and it all gets very cosy. Then we add another character. And a few more. We see how they do, we see what some of the people of the world make of them, but we have to take everything on face value, we don’t have a lot of history or context.

Still even at the end of the first phase, we've got not that much context other than that the Hero Association exists to deal with the monsters and threats we see, we've met the Class S heroes and the wider world isn't really in focus as to what their relationship to it means.

The alien invasion really marks the end of this phase as we can’t help but hear what the world makes of the world-shaking fact of having been contacted by aliens and the tragedy of the destruction of a major city.

To adapt it, Shingo Natsume decided to frame the story as a drama first and then a superhero story only secondarily. By doing so, he really made the best of the characters as individuals. We didn’t know why they were the way they were -- in fact, we still don’t entirely know -- but we could come to understand who they were and care about them and be bothered by their relations with the world. We see a lot of it from Saitama’s place and the inhabited world looks remote, fickle, difficult to understand and even hostile. And yet, we get lots to laugh about too.

Interview with Shingo Natsume - Animation Director [Episode 3]

It’s only a couple of minutes long, you’ll want to watch it all.

Phase II: INDIVIDUALS and the world

When King gets introduced, things change. Unlike all the other characters, we don’t get to know King himself, what he says, what he does. Rather, we get what other people around King see in him. What he means to them.

This is where I start not envying people. The first phase, if you’re doing an adaptation, you can largely get by by focusing on the individual characters and their interactions with each other. The second phase is a lot more balanced between the individuals and the world.

As Garou starts cutting a swathe through the heroes and the Monster Association makes life hell for people, the world shares importance with the individuals we're following.

I think that's where season 2's adaptation really struggled. It didn't do such a good job of portraying what all that strife meant to people, the terror and confusion they were feeling, and what a threat to the reputation of the Hero Association it was. Every corner JC Staff cut in not showing the crowds of people, in not showing the extent of destruction or public consternation, every last bit hurt the impact of the story.

When the Monster Association directly challenges the Hero Association, they’re not just out to destroy a group of heroes. We started this phase understanding how people have been able to trust that even in this chaotic world, there are heroes who can end the evil threatening them, or else save them from the danger. And that faith is what is very directly under attack now.

Of course, a certain teenage jerk thinks he’s got what it takes to be the most important individual in the world.

If I were thinking of a frame for this phase, it’d be the loss of innocence and really made the linkage between Amai Mask’s yelling at the heroes at the end of the last season, the faith we saw people have in King and the growing sense of dismay and even betrayal as monsters arose and heroes were nowhere to be found. It’s an increasingly urgent background against which to set the very personal struggles of the various characters we’re following in this part of the story. One that will have a lot of relevance later.

Phase III: Individuals in the World

Whoever takes OPM forward, that problem is only going to get worse. The story moves around ever more relentlessly from scene to scene, from individual to individual and along with it, the world does too. Where to place the weight of our attention is a matter of choice and mastery. Succeed, and we have an epic conflict. Fail and it’s ‘all these things are happening and I can’t keep anything straight.’

Some of that weight needs to be put on the world. Almost from the start, the story frames the individual actions in the context of what it means for the world. We've got the Monster Worship Party, the people so scared of what's happening that they'd rather limit the damage than risk being all destroyed. Garou’s dismay when he realises that he’s not going to be the biggest thing in the world is sobering.

reality, it bites

It’s in this phase that world-building gets serious. We learn about what monsterisation is, are introduced to the concept of a limiter and how individuals may gain power. The manga also builds out more in terms of just why the conflict is happening in City Z, linking together the apparently random dreams of Saitama to the location and the history of just why that part of the city was deserted.

The stakes are clearly drawn by the manga. We literally have two towers rising out of the ruins of a city opposing one another. The Tower of Justice built out of the ashes of City A and the Tower of Despair hauled up through the ruins of City Z. It’s not just the physical struggle between hero and monster that we get, there’s also the philosophical and even spiritual strife between them. A struggle seemingly for the well-being of humanity. All with bonus Garou going through both like a wrecking ball.

and of course, set against all the titans battling, the ordinary little man who has broken past the rules of the world

Phase IV: THE WORLD and its individuals

And now, after the Monster Association, we have the WORLD and the individuals are much smaller. It's become about the movers and shakers and the organisations that influence the world and the individuals are actors going about this changing world. The Hero Association has come in for a critical re-evaluation by the media and public. A rival organisation has arisen. Other organisations start to flex their muscles with varying degrees of covertness, all looking for power and influence.

The history of the world starts to come to view. We learn about the peculiar physical and human geography of this world and a lot more about the role monsters play in the world.

Individuals aren’t forgotten. We start too, to get more background on many characters whose behaviour had hitherto been rather difficult to understand.

It’s been interesting to see Garou’s actual impact. He never became the greatest monster the whole world knew and feared. Rather, he served to potentiate the resentment and strife between the various classes of heroes.

to be fair, this has been a long time coming

We started OPM with all these weird individuals and we loved them as the slightly crazy eccentrics they were. Now one by one, we're getting the contexts they come from and it's beginning to make sense.

all those crazy individuals -- the insecure and empire-building Fubuki, the needlessly antagonistic and over-possessive Tatsumaki, the obsessive ninjas -- all of them are starting to look a lot less crazy. even the cyborg ranting and raving about a mystery cyborg who devastated his life isn’t looking quite so far-fetched any longer. Their truths look to be sadder and wilder than we’d imagined.

The world of OPM is bigger and weirder than any one person within it is able to experience or understand. ONE so far is doing an interesting exercise in telling us about the world, but showing us what it means for the individuals affected by its various aspects.

How an adaptation will keep the story interesting and human and focused while bringing in the sense of scale and context is going to be a real challenge! I do not envy the director. But it's going to be so worth taking on.

youtube

#OPM #meta #story structure #the changing emphasis on the individuals and the world in which they exist in is interesting to observe #ONE has permitted us to enjoy a lot while still keeping it human by focussing on what it means for the individual #but the world does matter -- how an adaptation keeps the balance is going to be good to see #30th #June #2020 #June 30th 2020

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iamrealbuilder · 4 years

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Bill Buchalter interview

Bill Buchalter was a level designer for Sunstorm Interactive. He’s worked on 3 official add-on of Build Engine games: Cryptic Passage for Blood, Suckin’ Grits On Route 66 for Redneck Rampage, Caribbean Life for Duke Nukem 3D. Interview, November 2020: Corentin: Can you introduce yourself?

Bill Buchalter: My name is Bill Buchalter. I’m an avid gamer of all kinds – video games, board games, and especially tabletop RPGs. I’m currently a freelance writer for AAW Games (Adventure A Week Games) writing mini adventures for Dungeons & Dragons 5E. I live outside Indianapolis, IN with my wife Jane, our three kids, and our dog Roxi. When I’m not gaming, I also enjoy music, playing guitar, hiking, and camping.

C: With Sunstorm Interactive, you're credited for level design on Cryptic Passage, Caribbean Life and Route 66. How did you start working with Sunstorm and what do you remember from that time?

BB: In the mid 90’s, maybe around 1995 or 96, I was very into playing Duke Nukem 3D. Like most PC gamers at the time, I had played Castle Wolfenstein and Doom, and Duke Nukem just blew me away. Back in those days, when we played online, we would use a 3rd party program called KALI. You dialed up on your modem, logged onto the internet, and then used KALI as a portal to chat with other gamers and find someone to play with. The KALI software would then allow you to network together over the internet and play PVP matches. It was crude, and the lag could be horrible, but we didn’t know any better at the time and we loved it!

I remember I was in a B. Dalton bookstore in the mall one day (another relic of the 90’s that is long gone!) when I found a book called the “Duke Nukem 3D Level Design Handbook”. I was intrigued, and as I flipped through the pages it talked about a program on the Duke Nukem CD called Build, which allowed you to create your own levels. I had no idea Build existed, let alone how to use it. I bought the book and spent the next couple weeks diving into learning how to use Build. I was hooked!

Making my own maps quickly became an obsession. I would share them with my friends on KALI and I quickly earned a reputation for making user maps. I remember there was a map building competition, but I don’t recall who sponsored it. A guy named Robert Travis won the competition. When I saw his maps, I was blown away! His designs were so much more advanced than mine. He was using tricks I had never thought of to get lighting effects and set moods. I had to reach out to him to pick his brain.

Robert responded and we began talking and quickly figured out that we both lived in Indianapolis. He was working for Sunstorm at the time and invited me to come to their office to discuss level design. I met him there one evening, and he showed me some of the stuff he was working on. We ended up playing Duke all night on Sunstorm’s network with some of the other guys in the office. I was in heaven!

Robert introduced me to Anthony Campiti, the lead producer on Sunstorm’s next project – Cryptic Passage, an add-on for a Build engine game called Blood. They invited me to design some levels for the game and I jumped at the chance. Robert assigned me to design an opera house level and immediately I got pictures in my head of the theater scenes from Interview with a Vampire. I went home and worked furiously on designing the level. I was still rough, but with Robert’s help I tweaked things here and there and slowly learned his techniques. In the end I was really pleased with the level I’d designed. Robert and Anthony were happy too and asked me to design a second map specifically for deathmatch.

The next project Sunstorm was working on was Suckin’ Grits on Route 66, an add-on for another Build engine game called Redneck Rampage. Robert again asked if I’d like to be a part of that team and assigned me to build a truck stop level. Using a lot of the things I’d learned on Cryptic Passage, and the campy feel of the Redneck Rampage game, I had a lot of fun designing that level.

The last project I worked on for Sunstorm was Duke Nukem Caribbean Vacation. By this time Duke’s popularity was beginning to wane, and Quake was taking over. Robert was already starting to experiment and learn how to use the Quake engine. I was a new dad at the time (my first daughter had just been born) so unfortunately, I didn’t have the spare time to devote to learning a new engine. I barely had the time to design my level for Duke Caribbean, but I did manage to finish the casino level for that project. I do recall that Robert ended up going through in the end and changing a lot of the aspects of my level to fit the theme they had in mind. I remember being a bit disappointed and not really feeling like the level was “mine” because of so many of the changes. It was the last project I worked on for Sunstorm.

I kept in touch with Robert and Anthony for a while after that. They were branching out, working on other projects, and even trying to develop their own FPS game that I don’t think ever really got off the ground. Sunstorm was having the most success with their Deer Hunter line of games that at the time were selling well in Wal-Mart. Sadly, I eventually just lost touch with those guys.

I’m sure this is WAY more information than you were wanting (I’m a writer… I can’t help but go off the deep end!) but you dusted off some fond, old memories for me, so I apologize for walking so far down memory lane!

C: I see that you're still making maps, different kind of maps! This makes me wonder if maybe you were involved with W!Zone (a pack of maps for Warcraft 2 released by Sunstorm). Can you tell us a bit about that if possible?

BB: I didn’t have any hand in the W!Zone project for Sunstorm, but I loved the Warcraft series. As was common for many video gamers like me, who had roots in fantasy games like D&D, I played a lot of Warcraft and eventually got sucked into the world of MMOs with Ultima Online, Everquest, and World of Warcraft! If only I had back the time I sunk into those games!

These days I’m exclusively writing and designing for Dungeons and Dragons. I started about ten years ago writing for D&D Organized Play in a campaign called Living Forgotten Realms. I co-authored two adventures for that with my good friend, Michael Pearman, and authored a third adventure on my own. As you know from tracking me down via AAW Games, I’ve now authored six adventures for them, five of which are already published and one that is still in the works but should be released soon.

When I do manage to find time for video games, Diablo III is my game of choice these days. I’m looking forward to Season 22 starting here shortly, and like many others, I’m really hoping for something great with Diablo IV. I’ve been a huge fan of the series since the beginning, and even wrote an entire campaign for D&D 5E that translated the story of Diablo III into Dungeons and Dragons for the players in my home game! Thanks again for the opportunity to share some of this history. It was fun putting it all down and reliving those days!

C: There are two signatures in the Truck Stop level for Route 66. Do you remember anything about that ? There also several levels with no known credit : Fun Park, House of ill Repute, Mystery Dino Cave, Bigfoot Convention.

The signature on the truck stop is Route 66 was a joke! I was the only designer on that one. I just signed it "Billy Joe Jim Bob Buchalter" as a joke for bad redneck name. I wasn't the kind of guy that had to sign my maps the EXACT same way every time. :)

Other than the truck stop, I don't recall designing any other maps for Route 66. I pretty sure none of those you listed below were mine, but I don't recall whose they were.

Finally, here are some final comments Bill made after reading through some forum posts:

Wow, I am really quite humbled that you guys looked so deeply into my work! The fact that you could recognize my build style is pretty cool - I didn't even know I had a style! LOL. The truth be told, the reason you probably had so much trouble telling my levels from Robert's is because he was a big influence on me. I learned a lot from him and incorporated a lot of that into the stuff I built.

Its funny how reading through that thread you linked brought back memories... I remember now that my biggest disappointment from Duke Caribbean was that my only level in the game ended up being a secret level - that some people wouldn't even find it or ever play it. I was actually pretty excited about that level. I was the one that suggested a casino because my folks had retired to Vegas, so I'd been in a lot of the casinos there and had some great ideas for the map. I'd forgotten all about the restaurant I worked into it, and the big fish tanks.

There seems to be some debate about Robert. From what I remember, he was a really good guy. Maybe a bit tough to work for, but only because he really strived for our designs to be the best they could be, and he demanded that of both himself and the other designers. As I said before, I learned early on to accept criticism and critique and not take it personally. It was just Robert doing his job. I'll be the first to admit that I designed better levels thanks to the stuff I learned from Robert.

Someone on the message board made a very astute comment, basically to the effect that "Bill had to have other work out there. Sunstorm wouldn't hire an unproven guy off the street." But truth be told, that's exactly what they did! I hadn't done a single thing before working there. But I think a few things played in my favor. First, I lived in Indy, just 15 minutes from their office, so it was easy for me to go in and work directly with Robert. Second, while I didn't have anything officially published, I did have a disk full of the maps I'd designed on my own, and Robert thought I showed promise. I would design at home a lot, then go into the office a couple times a week and sit with Robert while he critiqued my work and offered advice on how to improve it.

I'll be honest - I'm blown away at the number of people STILL playing these old maps we made so many years ago. I watched a couple YouTube videos of a guy playing and reviewing Duke Caribbean and Blood Cryptic Passage. His high praise of both Full House and the Opera House really made my day. It's nice to know that people enjoyed my work.

_____________________________

Thanks a lot to Bill Buchalter for taking the time to answer these questions! Thanks also for sharing... “Big City” !

A Duke Nukem 3D map he created back in the day before joining with Sunstorm Interactive which was never released before! Screenshot:

Map download:

https://msdn.duke4.net/bigcity.zip

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External link: Duke4 forum blog megathread: https://forums.duke4.net/topic/11471-blog-interviews-of-build-engine-video-games-developers/page__pid__353013#entry353013 The forum posts Bill read, mentionned above, can be found here: https://forums.duke4.net/topic/9418-duke-caribbean-multiplayer-levels/

#build #build-engine #blood #duke nukem #redneck-rampage #duke #nukem #duke nukem 3D #video games #route 66 #caribbean life #cryptic passage

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yessheissalty · 4 years

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Hey there,

Hi, my name is Ali. I was diagnosed at birth with Cystic Fibrosis, a genetic disease that affects the lungs, digestive system, reproductive system... basically your whole body. This disease causes your body to produce excessive amounts of mucous, leading to various parts of your body becoming damaged and eventually, non-functional.

My sister, Joan, who is two years older than me, was diagnosed several months after her birth after my parents fought to keep her healthy as her tiny body tried to survive the disease inside her. It was because of Joanie’s diagnosis that I was tested at birth and was able to have a healthier start at life.

Cystic Fibrosis is now one of the diseases that babies are tested for at their birth - giving more kids a stronger chance at survival.

Growing up, Joanie and I spent plenty of time with friends, our family, dogs, cats, horses, sports teams, and also far too much time in Children’s Hospital on IV. We knew all of the nurses names (and definitely had our favourites), we knew how to run our own IV medications, and we learned ways to keep ourselves entertained in a hospital for weeks on end.

I know how it felt from my point of view, but I cannot imagine the pain and struggle my Mom and Dad went through seeing their baby girls hooked up to IVs, doing hours upon hours of lung physiotherapy every day, and taking around 50 oral medications each to keep as healthy as they could.

In 2003, my family was torn apart by Cystic Fibrosis when it took my sister’s life. She was 12, and I was 10. No child should ever have their life taken from them. No child should ever have to experience their lungs deteriorating until they are unable to survive. No child should have to lose their best friend and sister. No parents should have to lose a child. I will never stop missing Joanie. I will never stop loving her. My heart will never stop hurting.

I continued to grow up fighting CF without my partner in crime. I struggled with anxiety, depression, OCD, and PTSD and I still do. Everyone in my family lost part of them that day in August in 2003.

In my grade 12 year in High School, I had to basically drop out as my health was declining so rapidly. Myself, my family, and my then boyfriend (now husband) met with many doctors and I had to make the overwhelming and terrifying decision to go forward with a double lung transplant. After a year waiting on the transplant list, being on IV therapy more often than I was off it, doing around 5 hours of physiotherapy for my lungs daily, drinking around 5 Boost plus’ a day plus 3 meals and many snacks to attempt to keep any weight on my body, having my family push the wheelchair I now needed to sit in to move around, I received the pager notification saying I was going to get a double lung transplant.

After an 8 hour long surgery where I had my sternum and 4 ribs broken to replace my deteriorated lungs with beautiful working ones, a stint in the ICU, and time recovering in hospital, I had become a transplant recipient at the age of 19.

I am now over 8 years post Lung Transplant and am living my life with my wonderful husband, and my squishy little rescue dog. I am so incredibly happy, but I am also continuing to face the struggles of having CF in the rest of my body, being a transplant recipient, feeling the loss and guilt for the family of the woman whose passing gave me another chance at life, being a high risk individual for the current pandemic, struggling with depression, anxiety, ptsd, a little bit of OCD, and the feelings of overwhelming loss that will never leave me.

I have wanted to write about my experiences for some time now. I will keep many stories to myself as they are extremely personal, but others I would like to share, to get them off my chest while hopefully helping a few CFers on the way.

This is my life, my story.

I love to joke around, I have a bit of a dark sense of humour, and I am a very emotional individual. Some of my posts will be emotional, some will be joking around, some will be somewhere in between. I have a lot of experiences that make me happy and many others that make me angry. I may swear, I may say some rude things, I know that sometimes my experiences and feelings would be different for someone else in that situation or are different for individuals who lived those times with me. This is me and my story, this is my place to vent a bit. Take my saltiness with a grain of salt when you feel you need to.

A joke amongst CFers is how ‘salty’ we are. Individuals with CF sweat so much salt that it comes out in crystals on our foreheads sometimes. Of course there is also the fact that almost all of us have gone through hell to be where we are... so yes, she is salty.

#CysticFibrosis #DoubleLungTransplant #CF #YesSheIsSalty

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apptowonder · 4 years

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On the Inherent Chaotic Queer Energy of “Cats” (No, Really)

In Which the Author Relates His Early Affinity For the Musical Cats, And Meditates in Rapt Contemplation On Its Effect On His Own Queer Coming of Age.

Ok, I’ll drop the Eliotian/Victorian pretense. But in all seriousness, this is going to be a long ramble on the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Cats, because I saw the recording of the 1998 Broadway performance again for the first time in probably 14 years and it made me Feel Feelings (tm). Plus a comrade of mine expressed similar enthusiasm and it inspired me.

I -- First Viewing

When I was 10 or 11 years old, for a brief period after seeing Cats for the first time at a local dinner theater production, I was enamored in ways I couldn’t put into words. I was not, and have not really ever been a theater queer. I did a few plays up through high school, and stopped doing theater in college when I lost interest and found out it would take time away from gospel choir. But there was something about the way these characters moved, the charisma they carried themselves with that stuck with me. Unlike some of my queer friends, I don’t have the sense that “I always knew” I liked boys as well as other genders. As a tween, I felt very aloof from romantic interest except for one long-lasting crush on a girl in 5th grade that lasted through middle school. But as I continue to look back, I do think I felt a certain stirring in my gut for certain charismatic male figures, almost like an imprinting. Early affection and crushes manifested in a desire to be like the attractive heroes I admired.

I wanted to be Mr Mistofelees, the Original Conjuring Cat. I also wanted to be Munkustrap, the unassuming but brave and suave narrator, unofficial leader of the Jellicle Tribe. Honorable mention goes to the Rum Tum Tugger, whose rock star persona definitely exudes bi energy, but he felt less approachable to me. In any case, though I didn’t realize it at the time, something was very queer about these cats.

II -- On the Naming of Cats -- Munkustrap

Why I felt drawn to this character is hard to sum up. He doesn’t have his own song, his name is only listed in the program. But he does have considerable stage time. Serving as the narrator and Master of Ceremonies for the Jellicle Ball, right-hand man to Old Deuteronomy, and the only cat willing to go toe to toe with Macavity, he had a certain gravitas that I found compelling. He is humble, as I strive to be. Caring and protective of his family, but not overly aggressive. Confident, but not overbearing. He seemed that he would be the perfect gentle lover, someone who could take you to new and unexpected places but would also make sure that you were safe and loved.

On a deeper level, perhaps my identifying with this character was a kind of rehearsal for the years to come. Munkustrap served as both the boy I wanted to meet and the boy I wanted to be. When I came out and became invested in queer community and queer Christian community especially, I found myself slowly falling into the role of psychopomp and threshold guardian for some of my gayby Christian friends who were either newly coming out or newly trying to reconcile their faith and sexuality. I would direct them to apologetics resources, but I think my greater strength was in being a kind of MC who would invite them into a new queer reality, a celebration of the richness of life and a vision of the vastness of both theology and queer vibrancy. In a sense, I invited them to a Jellicle ball.* I would invite them to dance beneath the moon of our shared experience, and show to them that far from being incomplete or broken, they had their own power and beauty, were possessed of “Terpsichorean powers” which would serve as a mysterious gift to the wider world.

The first boy I dated was a Munkustrap. Gentle, but fun-loving. Willing to meet me where I was, but also encouraging me to new heights of intimacy, feeling and adventure. Though we eventually parted ways, we remained good friends, and I will be forever grateful to him for leading me from an abstract appreciation of my queerness to a deeply embodied possession of it that I can now live out for the glory of God and the good of humanity, like a cat has a deep embodied possession of its third and secret name.

III -- On the Naming of Cats -- Mr. Mistoffelees

“Oh, well I never! Was there ever a cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees?”

Coming in at the eleventh hour to save the day, Mr. Mistoffelees employs his magical powers to rescue Old Deuteronomy when all other help fails. In the production I saw, he literally flies down onto the stage (on a wire) and proceeds to produce phantasmagorical phenomena and easily conjures up the kidnapped patriarch of the Jellicle Tribe from the place he’s been sequestered. He is flashy, elegant, flamboyant, coy, “aloof” but always fun-loving. Perhaps more importantly, in all the performances I’ve seen, he seems elegantly attuned to some deeper sixth sense. Beneath the playful surface is a deep power that manifests in impressive ways. The show relays his power through the metaphor of stage magic, but to me he also seemed to have a touch of something mystical, spiritual. I felt both awe and affection for that sensitive attunement, and how it was packaged in such a playful personality.

In my own life as queer clergy, I have sought to develop that kind of attunement. Though spirituality is a bit slower and more messy than conjuring, I have received compliments from colleagues queer and straight that I often speak the exact right prayer for the needs of a given moment. I write poems and try to breathe new life into the life-giving stories of my spiritual tradition, my life and the lives of my queer tribes. I’m always eager to come up with an impromptu liturgical service when circumstance dictates, and I draw on vocabulary from the saints and mystics as well as my own love of language and poetry. Playfulness is, to me, a spiritual virtue, and I love to offer inspiring surprises from the depths of the wisdom I have inherited from those who have gone before. When friends (especially queer Christian friends) are stuck in demoralizing binaries and limited horizons of purity culture, toxic theology, or other spiritual burdens, I will often pull a shimmering anecdote from the lives of the saints, or an ancient word of curiosity that opens up a new way of seeing the world. In a way, I’m pulling kittens out of hats.

Ironically but also fittingly, when I kept my queerness under wraps, my poetry was vivid but strained. Overwrought, often melancholy but rarely insightful. And I would pray when someone asked me to, but it generally consisted of generic requests that didn’t really mean much to me. I had to become fabulous and be willing to be in touch with the queer wonder of both my loves and my experiences before I began to really tap into that spiritual current that I am still learning how to channel for the life of the world. I’m still a beginner, and in my day to day life I’m fairly quiet and introspective. Aloof, perhaps. But I feel that my openness to queer joy, queer eros and queer vibrancy have begun to throw open a way to my own wholeness and the invigorating and revival of many of my communities. I don’t do this alone, and I am still learning from my many queer elders and forerunners. As I study and practice and bring forth vision, I continue to learn “from Mr. Mistofelees’ conjuring turn.”

At Pride a year or two ago, I met a Mr. Mistofelees of sorts. A pagan boy, playful and flashy, with a golden voice. He ended up being a bit too flighty for me, but he helped me find a bit more of my flamboyant side by getting me to do karaoke, and introducing me to the queer night life in a new city. In our own separate ways, we both helped each other I think be deeper attuned to that electric queer energy that flows into creativity, presence, wonder and resilience like lightning flows from Mistofelees’ fingertips. We pranced about our respective stages and conjured beauty for one another.

IV -- Memory (Some Thoughts on the Queerness of the Musical, and Some Final Reflections)

And what of the musical as a whole. What is it about Cats that struck such a chord with my very young queer self, and still does?

To me, it has an energy to it that resonates very deeply with queer experience. It delights in elevated pageantry, but it takes its own internal logic and way of being seriously. There is something about the mystery and spectacle of it that feels like a queer way of being. Despite the charge leveled against us by demagogues and queerphobes that we’re simply decadent, queer experience to me has always been about experiencing a heightened sense of reality, be that in adventure, sensuality, joy, beauty, celebration or pleasure. As the meme goes, before you say we’re too much, ask yourself, are you even enough?

Furthermore, the show is sensual and embodied in a way that many more conventional Broadway musicals aren’t. It delights in being just a little bit bawdy, while at the same time showcasing an excellence in the choreography and visuals that requires a good deal of skill and physical effort. In coming out and coming to know queer community, I began to listen better to my body and to be more comfortable in my own skin. To delight in the magic of touch and sensory beauty.

Finally, the sensuousness that undergirds the show also displays a very free flowing romantic and affectional subtext between different characters. Two cats may flirt or make eyes at each other, but there’s no expectation that they might not also catch the eye of a completely different cat in the next scene. They perform with a subtle erotic undertone that suggests both tenderness and hedonism, but all in the context of a tight-knit community that cares for its own. The fanfiction community for Cats presents a rainbow of different romantic pairings for various characters, and the lack of consensus as to which ones are “canon” speaks to the show’s affectational fluidity and dynamism.

In the end, the Jellicle cats all present a world within the everyday that is deeply queer and fluid, a “thin space” where personalities are larger than life and anything is possible. In this gay and mystifying romp, I was moved to a consideration in the years since I saw it of my own “secret names” as a future queer seminarian and priest (though I didn’t know it then). While it may seem bewildering to some, I continue to cherish it as a tribute to the great mysteries of queer existence, love and community. And that’s how you address us cats.

*Props to my comrade for extending on and fleshing out this metaphor in his blog post.

#cats #theology #queer theology #andrew lloyd webber #musicals #theology of media #theology of theater #biography #church #history #mister mistoffelees #munkustrap #rum tum tugger

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bijoulilou · 6 years

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After TWK part iv

Liliver is a bit frantic as she tugs on Van's sleeve. He's busy rummaging through his pockets for the wine he just nicked, completely clueless to what was unraveling just a short distance away. Their leader of the court of shadows, the human that she once worried about was turning out to be transitioning quite smoothly. Not only did Jude come to accept her exile in human world, she came to accept life with out her King. Cardan stood against a darkened lamp post watching, silent.

When Van does manage to look up, he goes into his pocket to retrieve a flask of heartier liquor than the tame wine of man. His King takes it without question and takes a draught out of it before handing it back. Then he takes the wine and drinks that too. Liliver and Van exchange looks, it seems they're going to have to carry him back. If they can manage that without drawing attention. Which ironically enough, they most certainly could. They just didn't want to.

Unbeknownst to the mortals in question who just finished going on their date, they sprang apart when a front door opened. Vivi stood on the top stair of their apartment, a triumphant curve of her lips with Oak at her hip sharing a look mirrored the disapproval of other parties hiding in the dark. They were in pajamas with mismatched mugs of ice cream in their hands. Tom blushed and Jude cleared her throat to hide her embarrassment.

"Hey, I thought you weren't going to stay out late?" Vivi surveys them with a slow sweep of her bright cat eyes. "Are we interrupting something?" She leans against the door, lazily surveying her ice cream.

Jude's eyes narrow, "I told you not to wait up. Oak, what are you doing out of bed?"

Oak doesn't hide his irritation, "You were supposed to read to me until I fall asleep. We do it every night now, why should tonight be any different? Is it because he's here?"

Tom shifts uncomfortably behind Jude as she tries to give them an answer, any answer to just make them go away. Jude sighs and apologizes for her insincerity and promises to go inside if they'd just give her a minute. Her siblings tsk and close the door, Oak sits by the window to stare at them until Vivi drags him away and closes the blinds.

They both awkwardly laugh, not knowing how else to get back where they left off. Tom traces the curve of her face with his fingers, gently drawing back her hair to get a better look at Jude. Once again, her skin feels to warm. More embarrassed then nervous at her lack of experience with mortal men. Her hand reaches up to press his closer and then she casually takes it away. She isn't used to being touched like this, to be given adoring straightforwardness attention. She admits this when Tom tries to apologize. In all of Jude's life, she can barely recall this much tenderness in such a short amount of time. Or maybe she's forgotten, she confesses.

"I find that hard to believe," Tom hears a noise but chooses to ignore it, "Were your past relationships not so caring?"

Jude doesn't know what to say, her eyes stay trained in the floor as she tries to unscramble her thoughts.

"Or, is it that you've never been in a relationship at all." He draws out slowly. When Jude doesn't respond he reacts surprised, "That I find harder to believe."

"Its complicated." Jude stays silent. The pause drawn out for things that can't be said, Tom starts regretting his choice of words. But Jude stops him. "Don't feel bad. It's an honest response." She smiles without mirth before going on, "The thing is Tom...I'm already married. Well sort of. But we're estranged at the moment, so to speak." Jude heard these words from her clients who were vaguely similar situations.

Tom doesn't say anything right way, nor does he take his hand out of hers.

"Do you think you two will work it out?" He asks, a sense of dread fills him as he stares at their intertwined fingers.

"Its not like that. I can't go back without endangering my livelihood. It's not that easy." Once again there's that humorless smile across her lips.

He straightens up at her words and puts his hands on either side of her face, "Did they hurt you?"

She shakes her head and laughs at his embolden bravery and kisses his palm to soften the sound. This beautiful person that she just met has no idea, not even an inkling of what his actions would cost him. Of the regret he would surely feel after dealing with the treacherous fae, her adopted people.

Tom leans to kiss her and their lips touch, but the excitement is gone. For her at least. There was a rush of adrenaline that sparked beneath her skin. She hoped it would warm her and it did, but for only a moment. Jude deepens the kiss, maybe if they pressed themselves closer that hunger of hers would be satiated. Right before she could get an answer, Tom is ripped away from her and she's in shock at who stands before her.

"I've had enough of this." Cardan in ill concealed glamour glares haughtily at Tom. Jude's hands tremble, out of anger and embarrassment. Tom lays on the ground wincing and she moves to help him. "NO!" He hisses. Them out of the shadows come Van and Liliver, at a loss of words to defend their King. Without taking his eyes away from Jude he commands them,"Take him home. Erase his memories of tonight."

"What?! No!" Jude moves towards Tom, whose face has already been enamoured into a daze. Cardan blocks her and she is forced to watch as the two faeries she once confided in carry him away. A sickening ache starts to break open in her chest and she cannot bear one more second in Cardan's presence unarmed. She turns away from him, her feet mechanically leading her to the door. Unable to comprehend what just took place.

"We made vows Jude." Cardan says when the silence gets the best of him. His hands are balled up into fists as Jude faces away from him. She crumbles against the door, her shoulders shake and a small cry escapes her lips. Jude presses her hand against her lips to muffle the sound. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know if she'll even let him touch her and console her over what he just did. At what he's done.

After a moment, Jude turns around, there are no tears just red eyes. Her hands still trembling as stares him down and says, "You. Are no king of mine. As soon as you placed me in exile, your vows ceased to mean anything to me."

Cardan recoiled, her words stung more then he expected. Anger rang in his voice, "Though you do not accept me as such I am still your King and therefore you are my Queen. That vow stays in place despite your flippant mortal feelings."

Jude takes a the next step off her stair, keeping her eyes fixated on Cardan. "Perhaps I should make this easier on you then, I no longer want to be the Queen of Nothing. Keep your crown and your twisted words. I don't want to be tied to you anymore than I have to be."

Cardan encloses the distance between them, his stance reminding her of the prince he was before she told Oak to give him the crown. "Its not up to you to break it." He towers over her and she can barely stand it. He smells of freshly turned earth, honeyed wine and rain. Her skin hums with anticipation and her pulse quickens in her ears. Cardan gives her a heavy lidded look.

"You're drunk." Her eyes land on the broken bottle that's behind him. Jude shakes her head in disbelief.

"When am I not? How is it that my wife has kissed another and here I stand taking accusations. Tell me Jude, was he any good at it? Is this as far as he's ever gotten?" He leans in to whisper in her ear. It sends shivers down her spine, but as far he knows she is not moved.

Jude laughs, a heartless guttural giggle escaping her lips. "What makes you think that? How are you sure I haven't brought him to my bed? " Cardan stiffens and it is her turn to taunt him, "You can't be. You'll never know if whether or not he spent the night. A mere mortal greening your queen's white gown." She leans in close and kisses him. Cardan feels his composure unraveling, bested by Jude's surprising move. He almost yields when she pulls away and whispers.

"Tell me King, how does my enamoured mortal taste?"

Cardan cannot respond. He is still reeling in from their kiss. So sweet and short it was almost like it didn't happen. His hands snap up around Jude and he kisses her. Perhaps he has finally snapped like everybody predicted he would. It could possibly be the stress of running the kingdom without counsel or maybe even the tart human wine. He doesn't care. Whatever it is has driven him mad and he runs his lips and tongue against Jude's, his hands get lost in her hair as her hands stay paralyzed against his chest he takes his fill of her, damned of the consequences before he pulls away. Jude is stunned with swollen lips as she stands at her doorstep as Cardan turns away. He calls out to her.

"Your mortal's lips have stained not only yours but my mouth as well. Surely you can understand I have only an acquired taste for your own. I'll be back Jude, to make sure you keep your vows as I've kept mine." And with that he leaves with company awaiting in the shadows.

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polyamoryus · 5 years

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Polyamory from the eye of the “unicorn” or the “third” (or.1)

When people say they are "in a relationship," they are generally referring to being one of a couple. They progress from the initial spark, to dating, to having sex, becoming exclusive, moving in together, getting married, and so on.

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy".

If you're a poly newbie or more monogamously-oriented, there are probably a few phrases in here that you will be unfamiliar with. While some polyamorous relationships are not open to newcomers; other relationships allow new partnerships to develop. Like many other subcultures, the poly community has developed its own language. We use words like “compersion,” The feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another; contrasted with jealousy. We use words like “polyfidelity” to describe an intimate relationship structure where all members are considered equal partners and agree to restrict sexual activity to only other members of the group., to distinguish them from relationships whose members are free to add new relationships. “Triad.” A polyamorous relationship between three people. Usually, this refers to a relationship where all three people are actively involved with each other (A is dating B, B is dating C, and A is dating C), also known as a "delta" or "triangle" triad or the more recently known as "throuple." The term can also refer to "vee" relationships, where two people are both dating one person (the hinge) but not each other. These relationships can be either open or closed/poly-fi.

A quad is the same as a triad, only with four people instead of three.

I couldn’t say Polyamory is either a good nor bad idea. It's a choice, just as monogamy is a choice. I'm polyamorous, so I like it.

I am polyamorous. I have a romantic relationship with multiple people at the same time.

I think I have always been polyamorous. Since I was a little kid, I have never liked the idea of having to pick sides. I remember my mom pointing out Brad Pitt and in my head, I thought Angelina Jolie looked just as nice as Brad, not one over the other, but both beautiful people. I remember fantasizing about couples in high school that were together, rather than just a cute boy or girl. I thought I was just a horny little teenager, but come to grow up and find out, it is a very normal feeling for some people. While it may not be an ideal fantasy or lifestyle for everyone, I found comfort in meeting likeminded individuals that shared the same thoughts or interests.

Having been in a triad for the past 6 years, Id say I have a great deal of experience when it comes to living the polyamorous lifestyle. Its not as complicated as it seems. Ive even met a dozen people who say they feel a sense of suffocating or being tied down in monogamous relationships. I was lucky to meet my partners at the young age of 18. Not really having much personal experience on monogamous relationships worked, other than what was displayed at home or on tv, all Ive really known is being poly. Ive always hated the idea of cheating, and even in my own family, Ive witnessed the urge to venture outside of the marriage. Ive always seen the curiosity, and in my head polyamory has always made sense.

When I met my girlfriend and boyfriend it was at a concert that I attended with a group of girls for promotional modeling. My now girlfriend was the top model. The first night I didn’t notice him a whole lot, but I knew they were together. She totally took the spotlight, I couldn’t take my eyes off her most of the evening. I remember thinking about her a lot after that night. She had my number and would text me sweet things and make me wonder about a lot. I knew she had a boyfriend, but she was totally flirting with me, and she was inviting me to come hang out with them.

Being so young, you could say i was somewhat prude to the whole thing. There was a lot of unspoken questions, that I just felt would be answered the more I came around. I was newly 18, at this age, I really wanted to be motivated in the right way. Ready to leave the nest, I was looking for a new experience. Boy , did I find it.

I never felt what I was doing was wrong, even though I can admit, it felt a little naughty. I was extremely attracted to her, and as my interest in her grew, so did my interest for him. Being the “third” I never wanted to step on her toes, or make her feel uncomfortable with me. After all, she was sharing everything with me, and I mean everything. In our type of triad, we do everything together, work together, eat together, sleep together, I think you get the point…. So my main goal and priority has always been making sure I knew my place. I have a huge amount of humility and respect for the foundation that brought us together.

I love the drive I share with my partners. Over the last 6 years, our business has grown as we have grown together. As the “third” partner entering their relationship, I feel they have done a whole lot in making sure I feel equal and comfortable.

The number one question we always get is, “how do you deal with jealousy” and I think the number one answer is always communication. As women , we feel, ALOT. So its important to talk about any and all feelings that surface. We basically lay them out on the table in our family meetings and make sure were always on the same page.

Our relationship was closed for many years due to me being uncomfortable with the idea of opening our triad. I don’t think I was ready to open my mind to the idea of having another girl, after all I was the other girl….right? Well, I still am, but I can share….. right? Well yes, this is alright. When it felt right, we went for it. After dozens of awkward questions on my part, I felt I was ready to flirt with and connect with new girls who might be interested in all of us. Again, we do everything together so dating is no different. Together we like to find people who like all of us together. We don’t separate for dates so our attraction must be completely mutual. Imagine how hard it is to find someone to connect with, now multiply that times three. Finding a fourth person to vibe with has not been easy. For a short while, we had a girl move in to our house and we were technically a “quad” for a few months. It’s a really interesting dynamic and takes a lot of strength, perseverance and consistency from all ends. It did not work out with this girl but thankfully we all shared a good time together while it lasted.

To me that’s what life is all about, making the most out of life, while it lasts. Life is so short, too short to wonder “what if ?” all the time.

I love being polyamorous. I feel I live my life to the absolute fullest and I look forward to giving more of an inside of what it’s like, the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly. I used to google search for blogs coming from someone like me, for advice on these topics, so I figured I’d just write them in case anyone else is searching for an opinion. Thank you for reading!

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survivor-halsingland · 3 years

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Ep. 1: "There's 100% going to be a Canada alliance." - Amy

Amy

Initial reaction of cast reveal: I’m toast But for real this can go a couple of ways for me, none of which have me seeing myself make merge lol. I’m either going to be a very early boot here or be nice and active enough to solidify a place for a while. Lots of familiar and unfamiliar faces. Hopefully the people familiar with me won’t want to immediately vote me out. I have already mentioned to Derrick that I played with DeNara before, so hopefully we can bond over that and it not be used against me. I have explicitly asked Jared to not exclusively lie to me this go haha but we both said we were more playing for the other half of our duos and just agreed to do it. I was excited to see Blue on my tribe and I also know Leanne, and have already had a good chat with Klied - but his name does have “lie” in it 👀. Honestly I want to do a quick portion of divide and conquer, I planned on chilling in a pool tomorrow and going to drag bingo with Ava. But no one has solidly chosen anything so they are really about to force me to be tribe leader and sort this out. Things I look forward to: vibes, chatting with cool people, meeting people, twists, and drama Things I will not be doing: sitting on hours and hours of video calls. Not my style. But I know several people in this game love it. Let the good times roll y’all

Kenneth

HERE WE GO AGAIN! i'm fresh off of ingary, but jay has magic powers and pulled me in to another season of a potential clown fiesta <3 but seriously, this already seems a lot more enticing and spicy because of the theme in itself and how the challenges and idol hunt are structured so i am very excited to play :) i learned a lot about my last game and i will improve on it (hopefully) by taking more risks and plays that WILL be appreciated by the jury, and not be overly attached to people, which would result to tunnel vision. the first challenges are already pretty great, and i cannot wait to play this game. TO WIN! hehe >:)destiny i’m super confused about a lot of stuff tbh but everyone on my tribe is so nice and welcoming and i’m sure i’ll get the hang of it all soon :) i’m excited to be playing and just hoping i don’t screw things up for my tribe :/

AmyThis tribe is exhausting. Challenges where I need to send a photo back quickly really hate me. My phone took like a minute to actually send the photo, but Waldo went well. Except I started in the bottom right looking with vertical transects and Waldo was hiding in the bottom left 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Woulda been 30 seconds had I started over there. But I’m already expecting tribal so I’m just hoping I wasn’t the worst portion of our challenges haha!

Leanne

Not very much to share so far. Some people on this tribe are much bigger talkers than others, Jared, Derrick, Klied, and Amy. It’s been harder to get Convo from Jesse and Blue, and I’ve barely heard from Josh or Aubree. I wonder if other people have had the same experience. Haven’t dared try game talk with anyone yet. Hoping I’m not behind, but it’s only day 2 right? Maybe I’ll try to put some feelers out with Amy. Maybe I’ll tell her about some things in the idol hunt and see if she’ll give me anything in return, maybe try to get a partnership going. I’m glad she’s on my tribe, but also a little bit scared because I’ve seen exactly how good she is. Aside from that, the person I feel best about right now is Derrick. We’ve had some good chats and seem to connect well. Hope he feels the same way. And Moth. I’m especially nervous about them. When we played before we didn’t exactly hit it off, but I think we’re both… trying. I hope we can have a new start this time, a new story. And from what I know of them they are a very loyal allies so, here’s hoping. Also happy to see Sarah here, and my yinzer JG. Maybe he and my dad can bond over that? And that’s all I’ve got so far. God I hope I did enough in the challenge today. *whines* I don’t wanna go to tribal first!

Jared

Don't mind me making a confessional before the game even starts, call me a game changer. https://youtu.be/JFOxzamkcH8

Jared

Not one, but two, confessionals before the game even begins. Sorry not sorry! https://youtu.be/SETx-0LoI9E

Shawn

Well, things are going good so far! I think anyway. Although I like everyone on my team, I do have to say it's odd playing with someone whose older than my father is, Frank. Usually I like to take charge in games like this, I like to be the leader. Yet, with Frank, it's difficult because he's so much older, I feel like I'm a little kid around him. I don't wanna tell him what to do, because I don't wanna be disrespectful? I'm so excited so far though, absolutely loving the challenge and how we get to pick! Im not that bright so I'm happy I can do creative stuff.

Aubree

This is my first BvW confession! Idk about the other tribe, but the Mysa Tribe is super chill. Most of the conversations yesterday consisted of everyone saying hi and that they were busy and would be active later. Day 2 and the activity level is still the same, which is kind of a relief since I am much more of an introvert. I have been trying to be the first to reach out to people since I feel that is something I have struggled with in past ORGs I’ve played in. I’m usually the reserved/silently-strategic player, but I’m going to try and be more proactive for this game. Ive talked to Klied, Jared, Amy and Leanne a decent amount and have enjoyed our conversations. I know of Amy due to the games she has played with Sarah, so I am hoping that works in my favor. Amy did say that Sarah voted her out in the first game they played in, so that could work one of two ways for my game… like if it came down to a vote between me or Sarah later on?? but maybe it is too soon to think that far ahead? Lol Even though I’m an Art Teacher I chose to steer away from the Creative part to our first challenge. Tbh I’m so burnt out irl when it comes to being creative due to my job, so I’m okay with taking a step back from the creative challenges for now. I’ve enjoyed being a part of the Scavenger Hunt, even though it was a bit harder than expected. I was so stoked to have a Starry Night print, but since it wasn’t real it didn’t count… Like who the heck has a REAL VAN GOGH?? (Or quick access to one) LOL As much as I would LOVEEE to have an original painting, that teacher salary-bracket doesn’t allow for that!! Lol I haven’t had anyone directly ask to me to be in an alliance with them… so that is - interesting? I’m used to the last two games I played where it felt like everything was very paced. Now, It’s either A) everyone is just chillin’ and not wanting to rush things or B) bonds HAVE already started to form but I’m not a part of them? I guess things will spend up more after the first challenge is over and we see where our strengths and weaknesses are in the tribe. Until then! - Aubree

Moth

Hi!! I’m back again and playing with someone I know. I actually happen to be on call with Destiny as I type this but like- were vibing And also once again I’m starting off on the wrong foot, not at home when the game starts.

Moth

I don’t trust Jared Straight up And I feel like that’s fair- Twice I’ve been voted out for my connections to Kyoshi island and it’s really fucking frustrating- Jared apologized and sounded sincere but idk I trust people too easily.. Brayden, Denara, and Leanne are also all in this game All people I’ve played with Leanne I don’t trust right off the bat. I tried that before but like- that didn’t work for me. I just want to at least make it to the merge

Frank

Having fun, learning as I get going. Truly impressed by the comraderi among people whom I've never met. Old dogs, new tricks, this is cool.

Klied

The game is going pretty well so far! Everyone has been really nice and supportive of one another. I hope this tribe dynamic continues for the next rounds of the game! :>

Moth

I fucked it up I genuinely feel really bad because everyone’s so confident in me- And I’m totally going to be a target now

Moth

Ohhhhh thank god Thank god because I was absolutely going to be on the chopping block if we lost I don’t want to be first out That being said

I don’t want Destiny to be first out either

Shawn

I'm not very happy tonight with how things went. I truly believe the other team deserved the win, the video was creative and a lot of effort was put into it! I think it was a great thing. But I disappointed that we lost so many of the challenges. I'm also getting annoyed that people are being present on the chat. I feel like it's me and another tribe member that is putting in all the work. Not impressed, but whatever. I just really hope I don't get voted off tomorrow.

Kenneth

welp i bombed the where's waldo challenge and my team lost by a hair in the riddles challenge because of an advantage so rip. i really hope i don't get voted off first because i severely underperformed in the challenge akjdnsajkndkjsnd i'd be really disappointed in myself :/

Amy

Shocked. Absolutely shocked we aren't headed to tribal lol. And here I thought my 4 minutes on Waldo was too slow but it was enough. Honestly we are lucky Blue's quit disadvantage was only what it was bc they quit after 30 minutes apparently. All these advantages at play! And I'm sitting here with a disadvantage. I think I'm clearly doing the idol hunt wrong 😆 all I have is a disadvantage from poison feast food and a chipmunk named Wadsworth in my pocket. Based on how little anyone is speaking I was certain we'd be going to tribal hands down no question. So I am very, very happy we avoided it in the end. I think it would have been between Jessie and Josh though bc they aren't active. I would have voted Jessie bc Josh did the video even after saying he didn't actually want to do the creative part so that's major props to him in my book! I am very curious as to who the other tribe is going to vote off in the end. I hope it's no one I want to make it far. Oh basically I know I'm probably not making merge so I'm trying to align things to get certain people farther and get other people out. I'm rooting for a newbie to take it. Anyway woo day off and I won't be first boot. Fingers crossed it's not Ava. I wouldn't be surprised if she was targeted for her association with me. Love this game! Love this cast! Love the idol hunt! The reward challenge was the most fun bc Ava and I were incredibly intoxicated after Drag Bingo and we did better each time! The last one we went "office" and "turnip" and literally bust out laughing and both said "Nate". I would like to personally apologize to Ellie for having to witness that nonsense. Thank you to everyone! Oh one last thing. I did not want to work with jared at all but it looks like I am going to be forced to do so. I think I have to put trust in Jared and in Leanne who has voted me out of two games prior 😆 but that's me always just bonding most with the people who are active and want to talk to me.

Amy

There's 100% going to be a Canada alliance.

Aubree

Who won the first challenge?? MYSA DID! Woot woot! Even though Jared, Jessie and I didn’t win the Scavenger Hunt portion after the advantages were added in - we did win as far as how many total objects were found, so I’m pretty proud about that! To top it off Sarah and I won the Reward Challenge!!!! We both get 3 stat points to add to our Idol Hunt… which I have yet to do… I should probably do that tomorrow O_o

Avat

hings are going well i think!!! i've had a lot of fun and i sorta vibe with everyone so far on the tribe. i'm really hyped and fingers crossed we do well. i've been sorta inactive with my challenge bc of work but i'm doing what i can for now. more to come soon

DeNara

Well this is my first confessional of the game and oh my is this going to be an interesting game. Initial impressions of my tribe...... Sarah +Jodi- frenemies because they are so good at survivor Frank- I really like him. He seems like a cool dude Kenneth- Seems cool, I may want to work with him, but he seems to be playing harder than he should so early Brayden- Didn't get the best first impression, but that could change Shawn- Super quiet, then they started chatting so that helped Ava, J.G., Destiny- Really inactive so I don't really know- potential first vote I want to work with Sarah, Frank and maybe Kenneth. Jodi would be good to work with although who knows what she is thinking. Everyone else I will stay open to working with, but really don't care too much as of yet.

DeNara

The first challenge was weird because everyone just took their roles and stopped talking. I HATE QUIET. Period. The creative challenge on my tribe wasn't super creative imo, but they tried. I didn't help in the scavenger hunt as much as I wanted too so that sucks, but at least we won that part so that looks good. I am so excited for this idol hunt! It is amazing! Props to the hosts! WE LOST, DAMMIT. At least Derrick won't be the first boot. I hope I am not either or HE WILL NOT STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT IT AND I WILL DIE.

DeNara

Well it is chaos now. Shawn has made an alliance with Sarah, Kenneth, and myself. I like the safety of that. Jodi, Sarah and myself also made a Subrosa alliance (we all knew that would happen) and I feel like this will keep me safe for a while at least. Both Sarah and Jodi want to work with Brayden and potentially Kenneth so we may make an alliance of 5 with them- but that also means Sarah and I would have to talk to Kenneth about not telling Jodi about the other alliance and that could be very risky early on.... hmmm idk about that. Also, Frank is my dude. I hope he stays. I think I am going to lean towards J.G. or Destiny.

Sarah

https://youtu.be/RzlLHyHZguQ

Kenneth

I am now in 2 alliances: one with denara, sarah, and shawn, and another one with ava and brayden! i feel good about both alliances, with the first one feeling solid and loyal (for now), and the second one for the long term! i feel very solid about sarah and denara, i feel like i can last long with them as my good allies. jodi's a tricky one, because i know she's a damn good player, but it's better to keep her on my side for now until an opportune time to make a move (and i actually really like talking to her!).

Jared

me: i'm gonna try to make this concise also me: 8 minutes on the very first episode where i'm not even going to tribal oh boy

Brayden

https://youtu.be/reALs2hizjk hey everyone I'm here

DeNara

So now I am in a bunch of alliances. I guided Kenneth to make an alliance chat with Sarah and me to tell us to keep our alliances with 1. Shawn and 2. Brayden and Jodi a secret. Insert evil laugh here lol. So all together right now I should have Sarah, Jodi, Kenneth, Brayden, Shawn and Frank backing me, so I shouldn't be first boot. It sounds like we are going for Destiny because they aren't very active, which was the name Kenneth threw out first so he is getting what he wants without upsetting me.

Ava

so so so bummed about going to tribal i thought we had it in the bag especially with our advantages but alas... i formed an alliance with brayden and kenneth which i'm super obsessed with i really like both of them - hopefully this means safety for tomorrow. i hate working two jobs and the week after next ill be working just one which is just so fucking sweet fingers crossed i can make it that long in this game. anyway that's all for now

Jodi

I'm so happy to be back. This time, I promise to play a chill Jodi game as I said in my intro, and I want to relax and enjoy this twist of a season. Jared and I are thrilled to play our second season together in the actual format of BvW, and we will be playing our own games. So far, I'm glad to have Denara, Sarah, Brayden on my tribe, as we all know each other but never played before (except Brayden). I want to keep an open mind and play fluidly. Kenneth told Brayden within 10 mins of the game starting that he was scared of me, but I hope I can gain the trust of people and not play as flashy as people remember me for. Looking forward to the connections I make!

Jodi

I promised y'all a chill Jodi game and here i am, delivering it. I think. DeNara and Sarah immediately made the "The Best of SubRosa" chat because obviously that was bound to happen, but additionally, the 3 of us are in an alliance with Brayden and Kenneth called "the clock" (because of our time zones ahahahaha). This game's dynamic is so different because even though we hate going to tribal, it also means that our loved ones are safe from tribal, which sometimes, could be better. I hope Jared is doing good on the other side. Obviously I trust Sarah and DeNara but I also know Sarah will cut my throat when it needs to happen, even if she gonna be crying while doing it, so I'll just...not be blinded by that. I trust Brayden 100%, Kenneth calling me scary is not great but I guess he rather be with me than against me, for now. Y'all Ingary kids what did you say about me??? LMAOO ♥️ I did ask him why he didn't cause ruckus at 5 and whip out the superidol and he said "tunnel vision". Hey that's two of us I guess!

Sarah

https://youtu.be/RzlLHyHZguQJessie So I’m still working on making like connections and stuff but we won the first challenge so no tribal which is a very good thing . ❤️ I’m enjoying this interactive scavenger hunt and I’m totally not trying to pull a Danni from Midsommar lol.

Brayden

hey guys im in a 5 person alliance rn with jodi sarah denara and kenneth and i feel pretty good and excited bc i think ill win this whole game but sadly destiny is prob leaving tonight <\3

Derrick

First challenge done. We rocked it! I don't really have any sort of alliance at this point but I seem to be getting along with everyone. Josh didn't seem to put too much effort into our creative set up but it still worked out OK. It was unfortunate I was on my trip at the time as I could have done so much more with. I think as long as we support eachother we can rock every challenge that comes our way!joshIM SOO HAPPY WE WON! our tribe seems to be like friendly but i havent made any alliances i think so idk if im in a good spot if we lose a challenge but we didnt this time so🙃ShawnEveryone in the tribe is messaging about Destiny, and that is who everyone is thinking of voting off. I'm still thinking of voting Frank off, and I think that's who I'm going for. He's not good at technology, and this whole game is about technology! We lost the creative challenge because all we could do with him was write! Still, everyone thinks because Destiny isn't very active she should be the one to go. I'm not sure what I want to do. JGOh hey! Here we are round one. I feel so out of it playing this game. For the first time in a while, I barely know any of the other players. Which is refreshing and tough. I also feel like my social game is kind of lacking but that is kind of my brand for round 1. I have had some great one on one conversations with DeNara, Jodi, and Sarah. I've talked to Brayden and Kenneth as well a little bit less than the first three. Shawn and Ava, barely. Frank and Destiny not at all. The vote should be Destiny since we sadly lost. Which works for me. I feel the closest with DeNara and Sarah. Really hoping I can start to get my footing. If we were to lose again, Frank would probably go but I don't wanna put myself in the line of fire again. Well here's hoping things improve. Hopefully, I'm not blindsided. Here we go.blueMy tribe seems pretty cool so far, everyone is nice and seems pretty active so thats nice. Shawns going to tribal so I hope theyre gonna be safe :(((DeNara As far as I know, the vote is going to be Destiny. I feel bad for them for not getting the chance to play, and I feel really bad for Moth, they always have the worst luck in ORGs. That being said I sure hope nothing crazy happens tonight or I will cry 100% Tribal, here I come...AubreeThere is hardly any game talk (at least from where I’m standing), so I may start trying to get a feel of where people are at by asking some game-related questions in the tribe chat. Don’t get me wrong, I love the personal chit-chats… BUT I’m also feeling a bit empty-handed as far as knowing everyone’s game motives. Maybe I’m being too bold… idk. I’m not normally the one to standout in ORGs, so hopefully my tribe doesn’t take this as me prying… even though I guess I kinda am?? 😬 “Oof look at me being all dangerous and shit!” 😤🤘🏼😂blueSO here are more detailed thoughts on my tribe. Amy of course is a queen and a legend and we've played together before and have a good rapport. Leanne is so kind and so funny, and I would be super down for working with her. Jared is SO nice I get really good vibes and really enjoy talking to him. Aubree is also very nice and seems genuinely interested in my irrelevant stories 10/10 good vibes. Moth is dope as expected and turns out we have a lot of the same interests ie. witcher and the mcelroys very fun. The rest are yet to be determined.AmyI would like to start out by saying that Brayden's video during their tribal almost made me seasick thanks buddy. So today was a DAY. It was a day off and like I had a weird day at work lol 😆 and then I remembered there was the task of talking to people who h i slacked on today whoops sorry. But for half these people idk if they even noticed bc my tribe is so quiet. Did I already say I tried asking Jessie what their favorite berry was? Like that's how exhausting conversation has been most all around. I think I'm talking to Leanne, Derrick, and Jared the most. I am begging for bygones to be bygones. But anyway I was trying to do a little of the hunt throughout the day bc after seeing

all those advantages last go I was SHOCKED. Then at the end of work I made it to thevpart where I was talking to the grumpy sad flower crown man and after falling on my weak ass on a ladder I picked the lock with a bobbypin and charisma's him to make me a flower crown which got me to the maypole which had me do a scavenger hunt and I got an idol. Writing this all out is absolutely hilarious. But yeah I have an idolllllllllllllllllllll which I don't want to use anytime soon. But I have a feeling I'm going to struggle to make merge. Anyway I got this idol like directly after the other tribe finishing tribal and I love a funny timing like that. I'm glad Ava survived weee! And wow they have some very vocal tribe members haha I'm sure Denara and Jodi are working together which tracks bc I've been closest to both of them individually in prior games early on. Curious if it will stick. So next was rock paper scissors for which I have a 10% disadvantage which apparently applies to the overall tribe score ☠️ . I won my game against Brayden who was at seemingly a raging Big Brother watch party. Sorry buddy. But we've been chatting like he asked how josh was and I said Josh is great and really stepped up to the plate for the creative challenge even though it wasn't what he wanted and also he loves tom holland so I instantly trust him. Then he said everyone likes ava bc she's just so cool and yes I get it I am personally intimidated by how cool Ava is and I have to be around that cool level every day honestly I don't know why she talks to me but she's a badass. Anyyywayyyy he doesn't seem keen on actually talking game and I need to figure out if I need to just tell my tribe I have a disadvantage rn or be like what the fuck the other tribe is so mean to give me a disadvantage 😭 Anyway excited to explore the hunt some more and this game is so fun. If we go to tribal I think Jessie is most at risk tbh. Okay that's all bye ❤️

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insomniiyac · 6 years

Photo

Finished my third (and hopefully last) BNHA baby, Anthony~. I tried to copy the whole ref thing and failed horribly. 10/10 will never do again ;__;

Sorry for the low quality, I had to use freaking Google Slides for the text ;__;

She’s totally open for friends and such, so reblog if you’re interested

██████ G E N E R A L // I N F O

“If it wasn’t illegal, I’d have my birthday suit as my hero suit.”

name : Anthony DeLosReyes (

アンソニー・デロスレイズ)

nickname(s) : “Aunt Anthony”, “The Secret Weapon” (Neito) hero name : Inka age// birthday : 18 ll February 28th gender : female height // weight : 5'7 [172.72 cm] // 168lbs blood type : undetermined

nationality: Venezuelan-American

class : 1-B (temporarily) / 3-A

██████ B A T T L E // I N F O

quirk type : Blood Ink

quirk description : Anthony’s quirk is a mutation of the illness hematidrosis. Hematidrosis, also referred to as blood sweat, is a rare condition in which a human being sweats blood. It is very rare, so it is not very understood. However, the blood sweat generally happens in times of fear and stress. With her quirk, it is the combination of her father’s excess blood quirk and her mother’s ink manipulation quirk. Her blood is a combination of red blood cells and specialized ink cells that she can control at will by drawing it out of her pores and manipulating it.

ability1: (Ink Typhoon)- Anthony wields her ink blood as a huge wave, drowning those in it. Can cause anemia.

ability2: (Bullet Bonanza)- Combining her ink blood with keratin, she hardens it and shoot at her opponents. Very painful with strong chances of tearing of the skin.

ability3: (Ink Poisoning)- Blood Ink gets released as toxic gas, poisoning those in the area (up to 25 sq feet). Only available under times of intense stress when skin is heated enough. ability4: (Magenta Magic)- She can harden her blood and wield them as weapons such as gauntlets and bats. quirk drawbacks : This is a very unstable and dangerous quirk for its user, so if Anthony isn’t careful she may end up hospitalized from severe anemia. To use this quirk effectively, she has to keep a healthy workout regime and food palette with lots of nutrients as well as staying within a certain weight class. Stats: power: [4/5] B speed [2/5] D technique[3/5] C intelligence [5/5] A cooperativeness[5/5] A

██████ P E R S O N A L // I N F O

personality : Anthony, as described by most, is a very relaxed individual. There isn’t much that she’s particularly fazed by and often keeps up an air of optimism wherever she goes. She is also very hardworking and persistent in her goals. Despite growing up with a “literal IV needle in her arm” as she would describe it, it never stopped her from traveling overseas to become a hero.

likes : >>Spicy food. Everything needs spice- even lollipops. She refuses to eat one if it isn’t covered in chili flakes. >>Hair cuts. She prefers her hair short and loves the look of a fresh cut from time to time. >>Lighters. She doesn’t smoke or anything, but she is an avid collector of antique lighters. >>Music. Any in general, really. She has no real preference. Being naked. She’s very confident in her skin and wishes the world was the same way.

dislikes : >>Injustice. Only a villain would like that. >>Lazy, entitled people. She’s had to work hard to get to where she was today and she expects others to put in that same energy. >>…That’s about it, really. She’s fairly open-minded to things.

history : Anthony grew up as an only child to a biker father and a tattoo artist mother in New Mexico, America. Her quirk manifested at the very early age of two which made it very uncontrollable for those around her. She was often dehydrated and sick, often waking up to the horror of being in a pool of her own blood. She had to walk around with an IV needle in her at all times to keep her from passing out and was home schooled up until junior high where they felt she could control her quirk a little better. There, she was able to meet friends and develop the social life she never had growing up. She often hid her quirk and pretended to be quirkless for a while as to not freak anyone out for sweating literal ink blood. However, she drew inspiration from her favorite Japanese hero, Vlad King, whose blood manipulation quirk was similar to hers. Studying her favorite hero closely- she attempted time and time again to manipulate her quirk, mostly with damning results. She’d stay out in the school gym for longer nights as she trained herself to become a hero just like her idol. When she hit eighth grade, a huge opportunity had rise for her. Her school (which was a middle to high school) had recently developed the Hero Acceleration Program (or HAP). The HAP is an international program created for other schools to learn and replicate the same practices and experiences that are offered at Yuuei. A select amount of students are handpicked all over the world to be sent to Yuuei for free through this program and report their experiences back to their home countries. The requirements are that they are to have at least 200 hours of volunteer work, fluent in Japanese speech and writing, a GPA of 3.75, and have at least passed two AP Hero Courses with an A. They tend to pick out those from freshman to sophomore year and is automatically set up with an internship of their choice. Sacrificing the perks of high school life and social interaction, she dedicated herself to meet these requirements; studying kanji and spoken formal and informal Japanese, constantly doing volunteer work after school and on weekends, and loads of studying as well as physically training her body to its limits. She was able to fulfill all of the requirements by sophomore year, though there was one problem… her parents. They didn’t trust her to go overseas without them due to fear of her quirk taking over and killing her and them not being able to do anything about it so they held her back for another two years. Anthony trained harder, hard enough to prove to her parents that she can control it and that she was responsible enough to live out there on her own. She refined her Japanese, learned her social norms, and also lived her social life she never had the ability to years ago. They finally relented and flew her out to Japan where she attends Yuuei. There she met her childhood hero and got so emotional from the fact that he had accepted her to mentor. They set her back as an extra in 1-B so she can get used to how things worked in there for a semester. She wasn’t able to participate in the Sports Festival or the School Field Trip due to her HAP status in the school, but she participates in the training exercises and regular class time. During the duration of her time in 1-B, she took on the nickname “Aunt Anthony” due to her laid-back attitude and her tendency to play a secondary mentor to the others. Recently, due to her level of intelligence and quirk control, she was placed up to 3-A.

██████ R E L A T I O N S H I P S// I N F O

Sekijiro Kan

: Her biggest idol growing up as well as her mentor. They have a very father-daughter relationship that her actual father gets jealous of- but can’t really blame him. Kan often looks out for Anthony despite her class change and will do random checks with the teacher to make sure she doesn’t get too comfortable. The fact that she even interns under him is still surreal to her.

Pony Tsunotori

: She took a huge liking to Pony Tsunotori who shared her nationality as foreigners from America. They frequently speak to each other in English, Anthony teaching her a bit of Japanese to hopefully combat Neito’s influence on the poor girl.

Neito Monoma

: Neito’s crush is pretty one-sided, though he mostly shows it through passive-aggressively making jabs at her and other genuine mischief. He’s secretly happy that 1-B has a very capable student in their class that can probably rival majority of 1-A despite it all. Anthony knows this and continuously plays along in entertaining his crush, possibly even developing one for the sap.

██████ T R I V I A L // I N F O

“Aw babes, don’t make that face. I’ll always be your Aunt Anthony, no matter what~!”

Family: DeLosReyes, Gael (41) - Alive Quirk Type Blood Overgeneration DeLosReyes, Ximena (38) - Alive Quirk Type Ink Manipulation

Friends: Pony Tsunotori, Itsuka Kendo, Neito Monoma, Ibara Shiozaki, (all of Class 1-B really, lol), Izuku Midoriya, Kirishima Ejirou

hobbies :

drawing intricate patterns and artwork.

fun facts + headcanons:

1) Anthony is actually fluent in three languages: English, Spanish, and Japanese.

2) She managed to sucker her mom into tattooing her body as a parting gift before she left to Japan.

3) She was originally supposed to be shipped with Tetsutetsu (in which I have a fic that I may or may not post >u>)

4) She’s a nudist which is mainly why her costume shows so much skin. She uses overheating mainly as an excuse.

#bnha #bnha oc #boku no hero oc #mha oc #my hero academy oc #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #character design #digital art #anime art #my art #💉 oc tag: Anthony

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blogcwgsu · 5 years

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Is abortion the only pro-life issue?

Is abortion the only pro-life issue? This isn't the first time I've written about abortion. Or about other issues that should be of concern to Christians. But it hit me during a conversation earlier today. Why is it that so many Christians make abortion the litmus test - seemingly the only pro-life issue for Christians? It makes no sense to me. None at all. Is abortion the only pro-life issue? is article #1 in the series: Abortion vs Pro-life Issues Series. Click button to view titles for entire series Is abortion a pro-life issue?

Well, yes, abortion is a pro-life issue. But is it the only pro-life issue? We'll go through the abortion part of what I believe pro-life should be about. In quite a bit of detail. Not from the medical side. Nothing gory. Also nothing on when a fetus has a so-called moment where it becomes a living person. Instead, this is strictly a Biblical viewpoint of both the woman (or girl) having the abortion. And also the Christian whose primary goal is to stop the abortion from taking place. If a woman has an abortion, obviously there will be no living baby as a result of the pregnancy. I leave it to your conscience - something between you and whatever "god" you believe in. For the Christian reader though - this is between you and Jesus. So, assuming that most Christians consider this to be killing, murder, ending a potential life, whatever you'd like to call it - you most likely do consider abortion to be a sin. But what about that sin? Will Jesus forgive a woman for having an abortion? With apologies to some Catholics who think the answer is no - sorry but the Biblical answer is yes. No, the Bible doesn't say that anywhere. You won't find the word abortion in the Bible. However, consider a couple passages. Is abortion murder First of all, if you think abortion is murder, which most Christians probably do, then what about when Jesus said: Is considering abortion the same as murder? Guess what? Remember this part of what Jesus said? 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. Sure, we remember the murder part. Most of us have never murdered anyone. But how many of us can say honestly, to God, that we've never done the other things? We'd all better hope Jesus forgives every one of those things. Also consider this passage. For the Catholic readers, I have something following the passage to more clearly define the difference between mortal and venial sins. Can someone who had an abortion be forgiven? There's a lot of good stuff in that passage, but for this topic, notice: Mt 12:31 And so I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. 32 Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come. Every sin will be forgiven, except one - blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. The Greek word for blaspheme that Matthew wrote is: 988 βλασφημία n f. From 989; TDNT 1:621; TDNTA 107; GK 1060; 19 occurrences; AV translates as “blasphemy” 16 times, “railing” twice, and “evil speaking” once. 1 slander, detraction, speech injurious, to another’s good name. 2 impious and reproachful speech injurious to divine majesty. Strong, J. (1995). Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon. Woodside Bible Fellowship. So let's remember that, and also look at something Paul wrote. Living as Children of Light Eph 4:17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. Eph 4:20 You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. 21 Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Eph 4:25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. Eph 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Eph 5:1 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. ... Are there other sins committed in the abortion / anti-abortion process? Once again, there's a lot in that passage - and I even left off the last portion since it wasn't needed for context. However, notice this paragraph: Eph 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Paul wrote: do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. In his book The Forgotten God, Francis Chan views this as refusing the promptings of the Holy Spirit too many times. Not like there's an absolute number, but when it gets to the point where the routine normal thing to do is saying no to God. I really like the book - and I agree that saying no too often would grieve the Holy Spirit. Keep in mind that we are to be disciples of Jesus, followers. And that the Holy Spirit, as Paul also writes, is the mind of Christ. Therefore, continuously saying no to the Holy Spirit amounts to essentially refusing to follow Jesus. That leads to a conclusion about the relationship between the two passages we just looked at - one by Jesus and one by Paul. But let's look at the Greek word that we read as "grieve". 3076 λυπέω v. From 3077; TDNT 4:313; TDNTA 540; GK 3382; 26 occurrences; AV translates as “be sorrowful” six times, “grieve” six times, “make sorry” six times, “be sorry” three times, “sorrow” three times, “cause grief” once, and “be in heaviness” once. 1 to make sorrowful. 2 to affect with sadness, cause grief, to throw into sorrow. 3 to grieve, offend. 4 to make one uneasy, cause him a scruple. Strong, J. (1995). Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon. Woodside Bible Fellowship. So - if we compare the two passages, and the two Greek words (not necessarily the current meaning of the English words) - it seems reasonable that grieve the Holy Spirit is at least part of blaspheming against the Holy Spirit. Frequently saying "no!" to Jesus seems to fit under evil speaking. Seems like it to me, anyway. Next, for the Catholic readers. You may think that mortal sins are not forgiven. The excerpt below is from the second edition of The Catechism of the Catholic Church. IV. THE GRAVITY OF SIN: MORTAL AND VENIAL SIN 1854 Sins are rightly evaluated according to their gravity. The distinction between mortal and venial sin, already evident in Scripture, became part of the tradition of the Church. It is corroborated by human experience. 1855 Mortal sin destroys charity in the heart of man by a grave violation of God's law; it turns man away from God, who is his ultimate end and his beatitude, by preferring an inferior good to him. Venial sin allows charity to subsist, even though it offends and wounds it. 1856 Mortal sin, by attacking the vital principle within us - that is, charity - necessitates a new initiative of God's mercy and a conversion of heart which is normally accomplished within the setting of the sacrament of reconciliation: When the will sets itself upon something that is of its nature incompatible with the charity that orients man toward his ultimate end, then the sin is mortal by its very object . . . whether it contradicts the love of God, such as blasphemy or perjury, or the love of neighbor, such as homicide or adultery. . . . But when the sinner's will is set upon something that of its nature involves a disorder, but is not opposed to the love of God and neighbor, such as thoughtless chatter or immoderate laughter and the like, such sins are venial. 1857 For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: "Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent." 1858 Grave matter is specified by the Ten Commandments, corresponding to the answer of Jesus to the rich young man: "Do not kill, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and your mother." The gravity of sins is more or less great: murder is graver than theft. One must also take into account who is wronged: violence against parents is in itself graver than violence against a stranger. 1859 Mortal sin requires full knowledge and complete consent. It presupposes knowledge of the sinful character of the act, of its opposition to God's law. It also implies a consent sufficiently deliberate to be a personal choice. Feigned ignorance and hardness of heart do not diminish, but rather increase, the voluntary character of a sin. 1860 Unintentional ignorance can diminish or even remove the imputability of a grave offense. But no one is deemed to be ignorant of the principles of the moral law, which are written in the conscience of every man. The promptings of feelings and passions can also diminish the voluntary and free character of the offense, as can external pressures or pathological disorders. Sin committed through malice, by deliberate choice of evil, is the gravest. 1861 Mortal sin is a radical possibility of human freedom, as is love itself. It results in the loss of charity and the privation of sanctifying grace, that is, of the state of grace. If it is not redeemed by repentance and God's forgiveness, it causes exclusion from Christ's kingdom and the eternal death of hell, for our freedom has the power to make choices for ever, with no turning back. However, although we can judge that an act is in itself a grave offense, we must entrust judgment of persons to the justice and mercy of God. 1862 One commits venial sin when, in a less serious matter, he does not observe the standard prescribed by the moral law, or when he disobeys the moral law in a grave matter, but without full knowledge or without complete consent. 1863 Venial sin weakens charity; it manifests a disordered affection for created goods; it impedes the soul's progress in the exercise of the virtues and the practice of the moral good; it merits temporal punishment. Deliberate and unrepented venial sin disposes us little by little to commit mortal sin. However venial sin does not break the covenant with God. With God's grace it is humanly reparable. "Venial sin does not deprive the sinner of sanctifying grace, friendship with God, charity, and consequently eternal happiness." While he is in the flesh, man cannot help but have at least some light sins. But do not despise these sins which we call "light": if you take them for light when you weigh them, tremble when you count them. A number of light objects makes a great mass; a number of drops fills a river; a number of grains makes a heap. What then is our hope? Above all, confession. 1864 "Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven." There are no limits to the mercy of God, but anyone who deliberately refuses to accept his mercy by repenting, rejects the forgiveness of his sins and the salvation offered by the Holy Spirit. Such hardness of heart can lead to final impenitence and eternal loss. Now, having said all that, notice #1864, at the end of it all. 1864 "Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven." There are no limits to the mercy of God, but anyone who deliberately refuses to accept his mercy by repenting, rejects the forgiveness of his sins and the salvation offered by the Holy Spirit. Such hardness of heart can lead to final impenitence and eternal loss. What is the real unforgivable sin in Catholicism? The Catholic Catechism uses the same verse as I did, from the passage we looked at, titled Murder in the NIV. The very same one. And if you read the intent of the Catechism, rather than getting stuck on what we might think it says, the result is exactly what I pointed out earlier. There is one - repeat one - unforgivable sin. The mortal sins talked about in the Catholic church are the ones that lead us to a point of saying "no!" to the Holy Spirit. Saying "no!" to Jesus. It's not any one, two, or any other absolute limiting number of "mortal" sins that's unforgivable. Rather, the unforgivable thing is when we start saying "no!" to the Holy Spirit without even a second thought. Finally. I also want to point out what the Catechism says about venial sins. Deliberate and unrepented venial sin disposes us little by little to commit mortal sin. However venial sin does not break the covenant with God. With God's grace it is humanly reparable. "Venial sin does not deprive the sinner of sanctifying grace, friendship with God, charity, and consequently eternal happiness." Venial sin, in and of itself, isn't something that will separate us from God. However, they can have the effect of leading us to think they're pretty much nothing to worry about. We just commit them, time after time after time ... Next thing you know, we're on to bigger and worse things. Then we end up saying "no!" more and more often. Sound familiar? It's about the condition of our hearts, not about the actual sin. Why isn't it about the sin? Simple, it's because every sin is forgivable, except blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. Period. What about the deadly sins? I have to say, this has been a good refresher for me. Having left the Catholic Church many, many years ago, it's hard to remember all the gory details of something I no longer follow. Anyway, here's the thing on those so-called deadly sins, from Christianity.com. The seven deadly sins, as identified by Pope Gregory 1 in the late sixth century, are considered categories of sin: pride, envy, wrath, gluttony, lust, sloth, and greed. Many think the deadly seven are recorded in the Bible. Surprisingly, even though each of the seven is a sin, this list is not contained in Scripture. The history of the sin categorization began in the year 400. Evargius Ponticus a fourth century monk, described eight evils to resist. Two centuries later Pope Gregory 1, refined the inventory to seven. Almost every sin can be placed in one of these seven categories. Isaiah 14:13-14 tells us pride and selfishness are related to each of the seven and are viewed as the root causes of all sin. The Christianity site also addresses the question of whether these "deadly" sins can be forgiven. Yes, God can forgive all sins. No sin is greater or more deadly than another (Romans 6:23). There are some sins that bear more earthly consequences than others. For instance, murder has larger consequences than sinful anger. No matter the sin, the eternal consequences are the same— a separation from a holy God. But no sin too big or too bad that God cannot forgive (1 John 1:9). Rather than make you look them up, here are the referenced verses, with the entire passage for context. Slaves to Righteousness Ro 6:15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16 Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18 You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. Ro 6:19 I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. 20 When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21 What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Again, the specific verse is the last one: 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. The wages of sin is death. Ultimately, my question is going to be about who is / are the sinner(s) in this whole abortion process - whether one actually happens or not. What's the difference between actually having an abortion versus considering one? In that light, let's also not forget what Jesus said about thinking something evil versus actually doing it. So adultery isn't really any different from looking at a woman the wrong way. In that light, is having an abortion any different from seriously considering having one? You may think, what's the big deal? Surely the woman who actually had an abortion is worse than the one who didn't. However, Jesus says that's not true. Both have the same impact. If anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart then it only seems reasonable that anyone who seriously considers having an abortion has already had an abortion in their heart. And if that's the case, what has been accomplished by preventing the abortion? Some Christians might feel better about themselves for having prevented one, but isn't the "heart" of the problem long before the abortion actually takes place? Hold that thought as we continue. Here's the other passage referenced in the excerpt about the deadly sins. The full passage is even longer, but I've kept enough of it go give context to what John is saying. Remember - the quoted verse is 1Jn 1:9. Walking in the Light 1Jn 1:5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 1Jn 1:8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. 1Jn 2:1 My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. 2 He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. 1Jn 2:3 We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. 4 The man who says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. 5 But if anyone obeys his word, God’s love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: 6 Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. 1Jn 2:7 Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have heard. 8 Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining. 1Jn 2:9 Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. 10 Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. 11 But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him. ... Are there unconfessed sins in the abortion / anti-abortion process? In light of what we've seen, and of what's coming next, pay attention to that verse: 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. My question will be - who has sinned in the process of having an abortion? And just as importantly, in the ways that Christians often act in the process of trying to prevent an abortion? And while we're at it - after the abortion? Or even after an abortion doesn't take place? Food for thought. Some of those will be addressed later in this series. I said at the very beginning that we'd look at two things in here. ... this is strictly a Biblical viewpoint of both the woman (or girl) having the abortion. And also the Christian whose primary goal is to stop the abortion from taking place. So after all this, what about the Christian whose primary goal is to stop the abortion? If that's you, I have a question for you. By now, you know I consider abortion to be a sin. You also know that I believe the Bible says even considering having an abortion is a sin. And that the penalties for either one - considering an abortion and actually having one - are the same? I wrote a little about that in If you stop abortion – so what? I'll be going into greater detail later in this series. Just want to get my viewpoint up front right away. Before I ask that question. Because the question is - do you think there's any sin involved in preventing an abortion and then walking away? Depending on the statistics you read, it seems that about half of the pregnancies are done by unwed mothers. About 3/4ths of the total number of abortions are for poor people. Based on the numbers, many of those unwed mothers are, therefore, also poor. Conclusion - Is abortion the only pro-life issue? Now, consider something Jesus said. I don't want you to get lost in the weeds here, but there's something about when Jesus said that you may not be aware of. It's not obvious in the English translation. You probably think it only says not to prevent the little children from coming to Jesus. In the Greek, it actually says we should help them. If we think about that for a moment - it actually makes more sense that we should help them. Of course, where it gets really messy is when we consider who is the "child". Of course, in my discussion - it's not the fetus / baby. It's the mother. The mother who wants to follow Jesus - but is in a place where she doesn't know what to do. She's not married. She's too poor to support a baby. And she can't work two or three part-time low paying jobs and still take care of her baby. She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't really want to have an abortion. But doesn't know what else to do, because the Christians are screaming at her to not have the abortion. But then if she has the baby, she also knows those many of those same Christians have, under the name of their political party, made it pretty much impossible for her to support the child. And, few of them will offer any kind of help. Tell me. Who all sinned in that scenario? We'll get into the answers to that question in the next part of this series on abortion. 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the-gateway-girl · 5 years

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Game Spotlight: Love Letter (2012) Designer: Seiji Kanai Publisher: AEG (Alderac Entertainment Group) Player Count: 2-4 players Game Length: ~20 minutes Mechanisms: Deduction, Hand Management, Player Elimination

Love Letter is a card game focused on risk and deduction. The game takes place within the fictional city-state of Tempest in Renaissance-era Italy. The Queen has just been arrested on charges of treason, and Princess Annette is so upset that she has locked herself in her room. You and your fellow players represent suitors of the Princess who are trying to get love letters into her hands in order to cheer her up and win her affections. You do this by enlisting the help of members of her family, her friends, and the castle staff to make sure your letter reaches her first.

How to Play: The game is played with only 16 cards! The cards are shuffled to create a face-down deck, and the topmost card of the deck is set aside as a burn card to prevent card-counting. (For a 2-player game, you will take three more cards from the top of the deck and place them to the side, face up). Be sure to give each player a memory aid to help them keep track of which cards are in the game and how many copies of each card exist. Each player then draws one card from the top of the deck. Whoever was most recently on a date goes first.

On your turn, you will draw the top card from the deck and add it to your hand. You will choose one of the two cards in your hand to discard face-up in front of you. You will then apply any effect it has written on it (even if that effect is bad for you!). All discarded cards are kept face-up in front of the players as open knowledge during the game; this is to help players figure out which card others might be holding and which cards are left in the game. The discards should also be overlapped so the order in which they were discarded is clear. The player on your left will then take a turn. If a player is knocked out of a round due to a card effect, that player discards the card remaining in their hand face-up (without applying its effect) and waits for the next round of play.

Play continues in this manner until there is only one person left in the round, or until the deck is empty – in this case, all players still in the round reveal their hands and the person holding the card with the highest numerical value is the winner of the round. The cards will then be set up and shuffled again, and a new round will begin. The player who won the last round goes first, because the Princess spoke kindly of them at breakfast. Each time you win a round, you will also gain a red “token of affection” (the Princess read your letter and is starting to feel affection towards you). In a 2-player game, once a player has 7 tokens, they win. For a 3-player game it takes 5 tokens to win, and it takes 4 tokens for a 4-player game.

Your goal is to have the highest value card in your hand at the end of the round. The higher value cards are considered to be people who are the closest to the Princess and these people have the best chance of safely delivering your letter to her.

The cards/characters consist of…

The Guard, Odette (5 copies in deck, card value of 1): Charged with seeing to the security of the royal family, Odette follows her orders with persistence and diligence… even though her mentor is said to have drowned while fleeing arrest for complicity in the Queen’s treason. When you discard the Guard, you will choose one other player and name a card. If that player has that card in their hand, they are knocked out of the round. If all other players are protected by the Handmaid, this card does nothing. You are NOT allowed to use the Guard to guess another Guard card – you must name a different card.

The Priest, Tomas (2 copies in deck, card value of 2): Open, honest, and uplifting, Father Tomas always seeks out the opportunity to do good. With the arrest of the Queen, he is often seen about the palace, acting as confessor, counselor, and friend. When you discard the Priest, you get to look at one other player’s hand. You must keep this knowledge secret – do not reveal that card’s identity to the other players. If all other players are protected by the Handmaid, this card does nothing.

The Baron Talus (2 copies in deck, card value of 3): The scion of an esteemed house that has long been a close ally of the royal family, Baron Talus has a quiet and gentle demeanor that conceals a man used to being obeyed. His suggestions are treated as if they came from the king himself. When you discard the Baron, you pick one other player and the two of you secretly compare hands. The player with the lower value card in hand is knocked out of the round. If there is a tie, nothing happens. If all other players are protected by the Handmaid, this card does nothing.

The Handmaid, Susannah (2 copies in deck, card value of 4): Few would trust a handmaid with a letter of importance. Fewer still understand Susannah’s cleverness, or her skilled ability at playing the foolish handmaid. That the Queen’s confidante and loyal servant escaped any attention after the Queen’s arrest is a testament to her clever mind. When you discard the Handmaid, you are immune to all card effects until the start of your next turn. If all players other than the player whose turn it is are protected by the Handmaid, that player must choose him or herself for their card effect if possible.

The Prince, Arnaud (2 copies in deck, card value of 5): As a social gadfly, Prince Arnaud was not as distressed over his mother’s arrest as one would suppose. Since many women clamor for his attention, he hopes to help his sister find some banal happiness by playing the matchmaker. When you discard the Prince, choose one player to discard their hand and draw a new card (do not apply the card effect of that discarded card unless it is the Princess). If the deck is empty, that player receives the burn card set aside at the beginning of the game. You can choose yourself to discard your hand and draw a new card as well. If all other players are protected by the Handmaid, you must choose yourself.

The King, Arnaud IV (1 copy in deck, card value of 6): The undisputed ruler of Tempest… for the moment. Because of his role in the arrest of Queen Marianna, he does not rate as highly with Princess Annette as a father should. He hopes to work himself back into her graces. When you discard the King, you pick another player and trade hands with them. You cannot trade with a player who is out of the round, and you cannot trade with someone who is protected by the Handmaid. If all other players still in the round are protected by the Handmaid, this card does nothing.

The Countess, Wilhelmina (1 copy in deck, card value of 7): Always on the prowl for a handsome man or juicy gossip, Wilhelmina’s age and noble blood make her one of Princess Annette’s friends. While she has great influence over the Princess, she makes herself scarce whenever the King or the Prince are around. The Countess has no effect when you discard her – her text applies while you have her card in hand. If at any time you have the Countess and either the King or the Prince in your hand, you MUST discard the Countess. However, she likes to play mind games, and you can also choose to discard her when you DON’T have the King or the Prince to make other players think you do…

The Princess, Annette (1 copy in deck, card value of 8): Hampered only by the naivete of youth, Princess Annette is elegant, charming, and beautiful. Obviously, you want the Princess to carry your letter. However, she is self-conscious about matters of the heart, and if confronted, will toss your letter in the fire and deny ever seeing it. If you discard the Princess – no matter how or why – she has tossed your letter into the fire and you are knocked out of the round.

Play Variants / Expansions: While the original Love Letter game is for 2-4 players, an edition called Love Letter Premium now exists that allows for up to 8 players. There are also 8 new additional character cards with all-new effects included in that edition, as well as having bigger cards and wooden hearts instead of wooden tokens. Love Letter has also been reskinned with many, many different themes: You can buy Batman Love Letter, Archer Love Letter, Star Wars Love Letter, Lord of the Rings Love Letter, and more.

Love Letter is the fourth game set in the shared-world of Tempest, and there are other Tempest games if you are interested in checking those out. In order, they are: Canalis, Courtier, Dominare, Love Letter, Mercante, and Patronize.

Who Will Like It? : I have never met a person who doesn’t like Love Letter. It is absolutely astounding how much of a GAME can be contained in only 16 cards! It is simple yet thought and strategy are still required. Non-confrontational gamers will be glad to know that this is not a hidden role game in which you lie to other players, although there is the option to bluff when holding the Countess or the Guard. The reasoning behind the creation of the cards is extremely clever as well – the Countess must hide from the Prince and the King because they feel she is a bad influence on the Princess, the King is a lower value card because the Princess is currently upset with him, etc. The game also plays extremely quickly – it is a great filler game for a refresher between longer games or just for a fun light experience.

Where to Buy: If you are interested in getting a copy of Love Letter for yourself, both the original and premium editions are available on Amazon, as well as many of the specialty theme editions. Also try searching your local game store or other online retailers (Cardhaus, Noble Knight Games, CoolStuffInc and Ebay are good sources for discount games). It usually retails for around $15 for the original edition, and around $28 for the premium edition.

Links and Resources: If you want to see more or would like other opinions, Tom Vasel of The Dice Tower has a review here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbD9-GCV-8w . Matt Lees of Shut Up & Sit Down has a hilarious review here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZCOBQFSEW4 . Although they do misrepresent the theming of the game, Wil Wheaton’s Tabletop series has a great playthrough of the game here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2YUYPDq7gQ . Board Game Geek’s “Game Night!” web series has a playthrough here as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX-Du4P_FME

Tips and Strategies:

Although there can be no perfect information with the existence of the burn card, do your best to keep track of what has been played on the table as well as how many copies of each card are in the deck. You can maximize your effectiveness with your Guards in this way.

The Guard can be used to knock other players out of the round by guessing what card they have in their hand – but you can also use the Guard as a bluff! If you hold the Princess, you can use a Guard to guess that someone else has the Princess. They sometimes then end up trying to use the Baron on you when they have the Countess – only to lose and be knocked out themselves! The downside here is that everyone will then immediately know you must have the Princess, so you’d better have a backup plan in mind!

Knowing when to keep the Princess and when to trade her away can be crucial. Getting the Princess early on is much tougher than gaining her later on near the end of the round. Using the Prince to make a player discard the Princess is great, as well as using the King to gain the Princess near the end!

Use the Handmaid wisely – there are only 2 in the deck and you may need her at a critical moment.

Using the Countess as a bluff can be fun, but it’s important to know when she may be useful as well. As long as you don’t hold the King or the Prince, she is the highest value card in the game at a 7 – excepting the Princess herself, that is – and she can be important to hold in the case of a tie-breaking end to the round.

This doesn’t work EVERY time as situations can vary, but a good rule of thumb if you’re not sure what to do is to discard the lowest value card in your hand. See what happens and go from there.

Happy playing!!

#tabletop #loveletter #boardgames #the-gateway-girl #cardgames #games #gateway #gatewaygames

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pressroom-yahoohk · 4 years

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Yahoo Hong Kong debuts the list of top pandemic-related keyword searches

Surgical masks top the list of pandemic-prevention supplies Yoga is the choice of physical & mental exercise for Hong Kongers Air Fryers & air purifiers are must-haves for home quarantine HKTVMALL gains big points for investing 200k into a mask factory Webinars takes the throne in key tools to keep learning at home Netflix & TVB streaming shows claim Top 3 in popular Home Entertainment The Dow Jones & Financial Secretary’s 10k cash handout are the working class’ most frequent searches

As the COVID-19 pandemic prevails, technology has become an essential part of life for health-conscious Hong Kongers, whose digital consumption behavior has seen a drastic change whether in searching for pandemic-prevention supplies, daily essentials or online learning tools. Large populations working from home also resulted in immense demand for streaming services and entertainment, opening up commercial opportunities for businesses big or small. Verizon Media has always prioritized COVID-19 prevention by offering a plethora of trusted online content for everyone to enjoy at home. As a media and search company that amplifies what matters to users most with trust and empathy, Verizon Media’s subsidiary brand Yahoo Hong Kong (www.yahoo.com.hk) has partnered with top-notch service providers to serve Hong Kongers’ needs. Yahoo Hong Kong has charted the list of top pandemic-related keyword searches to review the topics and entertainment that Hong Kongers are most concerned about.

Yahoo’s keyword search during COVID-19: Top-10 anti-pandemic supplies 1. Surgical masks 2. mask 3. toilet paper 4. bleach 5. hand sanitizer 6, two boxes, thanks 7. ethanol 8. rice 9. hand sanitizer formula 10. sanitizing cotton

Masks in short supply; overnight queues a common sight COVID-19 strikes panic in all of us. Hong Kongers who had experienced the painful lessons of SARS in 2003 were aware of the importance of wearing masks for health protection. Yet their single-use means consumption and demand are massive, urging citizens to spare no effort to queue overnight just to get a box of masks. Businesses are also sourcing masks from around the world and selling them on social media. As such the comment of "two boxes of masks, thanks" messages flooded the online world, crowning it second place in the list of popular pandemic-prevention supplies.

Toilet paper panic-buy due to rumours of depletion At the beginning of the COVID-19 outbreak, a rumour spread online about toilet paper manufacturers switching to producing masks, igniting a wave of panic-buys in the town. Toilet rolls, boxed tissues, kitchen paper, and even sanitary pads were wiped out. Subsequently, the supermarkets clarified that their supply is sufficient and limited purchases to stop panic buys. As such, “snapping up toilet paper” also became one of the top-10 pandemic-prevention search words.

Yahoo’s keyword search during COVID-19: Top 10 products and people for mental and physical well being

1. Yoga 2. Hiking trails 3. Elva Ni 4. Hiking shoes 5. Nintendo Switch Ring Fit 6. Fitness bike 7. Fitness equipment 8. Country Parks 9. Fitness Centres 10. Hiking Gear

Home exercises and yoga gain popularity Self-protection is important, but so is boosting our immune systems against the virus, thus giving birth to the trend of home exercises. Yoga can regulate the entire body, improve blood circulation, promote endocrine balance and release stress. It is easy to get started and can be easily practiced at home, making it the first choice of workout for Hong Kongers! Viewers can also live-stream a yoga or fitness session with KOLs to achieve results while saving big bucks. Yoga KOLs like Elva Ni, as such, have gained popularity.

Suns out and masks off: country parks and hiking trails become new stomping grounds The city is packed with people and has poor air circulation, making nature the next best thing for Hong Kongers to, literally, get a breather sans mask. Therefore, search words like “hiking trails”, “country parks”, “outlying islands” and “hiking gear” gained much traction. Taking to nature is, of course, a healthy option, but please keep the mask on if the trails are crowded.

Yahoo’s keyword search during COVID-19: Top 10 home appliances 1. Air Fryer 2. Air Purifier 3. Air Cleaner 4. Dehumidifier 5. 5G Mobile Phones 6. Washing Machine 7. PlayStation 5 8. Combination Ovens 9. Bread Maker 10. Ovens

Home-cooked meals go up, as does creativity in the kitchen Eating out is risky so Hong Kongers are inclined to stay home for meals, thus boosting the search for kitchen appliances and tools. Topping the list is the air fryer, which can achieve the same crispy results but with less oil – surely a treat for everyone in the family. Ovens and halogen ovens share the spotlight among couples who’re into making candle-lit dinners or parents wishing to surprise their kids with homemade cakes. After the pandemic, everyone's cooking skills will definitely improve a lot!

Home Appliances go head-to-head with one another & air purifiers claim top 3 Spring humidity is upon us, and dehumidifiers have long been the top-three in years prior; but due to COVID-19, air purifiers became the new winner. Aside from air purifiers for the home, wearable air purifiers are equally popular: this thumb-size device is easy to carry and blocks pollen and PM2.5 pollutants by generation ions. Yet the virus is ubiquitous: aside from air purifiers, we must still beware of personal hygiene, keep our hands clean and wear masks.

Yahoo’s keyword search during COVID-19: Top 10 online shopping platforms 1. HKTVMALL 2. Watsons 3. ParknShop 4. Bonjour 5. Wellcome 6. SaSa 7. Ztore 8. Aeon 9. Carousell 10. Yata

HKTVMALL gains brownie points for investing 200k to make masks In the beginning of month, HKTVMALL announced the establishment of its mask factory and expects to start selling month-end. Its company’s value climbed to 4.6 billion. Prior to the pandemic, HKTVMALL dispatched two teams to source masks around the world and materials for masks production around Southeast Asia. Its USD 200k investment to build a mask factory has sparked heated discussions online. As the leading online retailer, HKTVMALL has been the go-to for searching daily staples, bleach, rice, toilet paper; it even hired more delivery people when orders started piling up. There is no doubt that HKTVMALL is at first place in the most-searched online shopping platform.

Watsons sells masks online; mascot “WatsBag” rises to fame When Watsons sold masks at its brick and mortar shops, queues piled up at the door. Yet, high demand means lining up overnight may not always be met with success. Some citizens even started arguments with Watsons staff and fellow mask-seekers. As such, the pharmacy moved the reservation process online: at its peak, the system saw 1.49 million people queuing up. During the wait, mascot WatsBag (a green shopping bag) entertains those in the queue with comical expressions and dialogue that soon became inspiration to derivative work and Whatsapp stickers designed by creative netizens. Soon after, Watsons released WatsBag’s life story and other family members in a series of peripheral products for sale. Some WatsBag’s nicknames have also made it to Yahoo’s top-three searches.

ParknShop shines during Home Quarantine As the plague of COVID-19 drags on, the majority of the public remains indoors, but daily staples and foods still need to be replenished. And for that, Hong Kongers prefer heading to CK Hutchison Holdings’ ParknShop headed by tycoon Li Ka-shing. Many supermarkets’ online platforms are, too, grasping onto this business opportunity as they see overwhelming orders. While we enjoy the convenience of deliveries, we should also be thankful for the people who are braving the pandemic to bring these goods to our doorsteps.

Yahoo’s keyword search during COVID-19: Top 10 learning-at-home tools 1. Zoom 2. eClass 3. iPad 4. Kindle 5. pagamo 6. Phonics 7. eLearning 8. happypama 9. TEDEd 10. Lego Steam

Learning Online is Packed with Fun Though schools are under suspension, learning never stops but has instead shifted to online education. Online conference platforms feature screen-sharing functions so lecturers can share learning materials while teaching, offering a much more engaging experience than rote learning. Conferences are two-ways, and incidents of students accidently leaving on the microphone have caused a raucous. Zoom – a platform more common among students – topped the list of 10 most popular searches in the “learning at home” category.

Learn at home with the help of Technology For parents, school suspensions and executing classes at home are big headaches. Fortunately, a number of schools are using the eClass learning platform to share electronic learning materials. Students need only log into the eClass system to access their assignments so as to learn at their own pace and time at home even under class-suspension. As such, PaGamO, Happy PAMA, and other target-oriented, online self-learning platforms stand out from the crowd and made it to the Top 10 most popular searches in the “learning at home” category.

Yahoo’s keyword search during COVID-19: Top 10 home entertainments 1. Crash Landing on You 2. Joy of Life 3. Forensic Heroes IV 4. Three Lives, Three Worlds, The Pillow Book 5. Itaewon Class 6. The Dripping Sauce 7. Kingdom 8. Someday Or One Day 9. Parasite 10. Running Man

When it comes to binge-watching at home, Korean dramas are the go-to Until a cure is available for COVID-19, medical staff highly recommend the public to stay home, and the best way to kill time? Binge-watching shows. “Crash Landing on You” by Netflix tells of a girl from an upper-class family and her adventures in North Korea after she accidentally paraglided into the country. During her stay, she falls in love with the captain of the North Korean Special Forces in a romantic tale that has mesmerized the young generation, making it the most-searched show. Second and third places are TVB’s primetime shows, “Joy of Life” and “Forensic Heroes IV”. The binge-worthy “Joy of Life”, produced in Mainland China, illustrates a mysterious, good-looking man who makes a legend out of himself. “Forensic Heroes IV”, on the other hand, is the brainchild of esteemed producer Mui Siu-Ching and has reached new heights in viewership of 40-plus points.

Yahoo’s keyword search during COVID-19: Top 10 finance-related keywords 1. Dow Jones Industrial Average 2. Financial Secretary Budget 3. 10k cash handout 4. RMB exchange rate 5. Yen to HKD 6. Anti-epidemic Fund 7. Australian Dollar 8. Hong Kong Dollar Fixed Deposit 9. Community Care Fund 10. Pounds to HKD

US Stock market plummets, worst performance in 30 years No country is free from the wrath of COVID-19. As situations worsen in the United States, businesses and corporations have been forced to come to a halt. Three major stock indexes plummeted, of which the Dow recorded the largest quarterly decline since 1987, hovering at 15293 points, making this the headline search item.

Financial Secretary’s 10K cash handout encourage spending Financial Secretary Paul Chan Mo-Po announced in February the 2020-21 Budget composed of a number of bailout features, of which the 10k cash handout to all Hong Kong permanent citizens aged 18 or above has received the most attention. This scheme is believed to benefit more than 7 million Hong Kongers both living in the city and overseas. In such economic turmoil, the cash handout will surely lessen citizens’ financial pressure and encourage spending. Hong Kongers can apply for the 10K cash hand out scheme in July via online and paper forms and receive the money as early as August.

Co-head of APAC, Verizon Media Mr. Rico Chan says, “As a trusted media partner of Hong Kongers, Yahoo has been walking alongside people of this city for the past 20 years. Under the plague of COVID-19 and daily surges of news and updates on the pandemic, we are on an information overload. Yahoo Hong Kong continues to stand with Hong Kong with a Combating COVID-19 live log and website featuring unbiased, accurate and real-time information. Aside from trusted sources of information, Yahoo Hong Kong also lends a helping hand during these challenging times to source masks and sanitizing supplies from around the world and making them available to our members via the Yahoo App. In lieu of school closure, we also launch an all-new online learning hub (Yahoo Kids Up) that amalgamates reputable self-learning channels to offer students at home premium content and support within the confines of their homes. With faith, Yahoo will stand strong with Hong Kongers to overcome this pandemic.”

#content #yahoohk #search

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relationshipadviser-blog · 5 years

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Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

New Post has been published on https://relationshipqia.com/must-see/is-sex-the-answer-to-your-relationship-woes/

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor, explains why she thinks having sex even if you dont feel like it is the foundation of a happy relationship

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Sex

Inner life

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor, explains why she thinks having sex even if you dont feel like it is the foundation of a happy relationship

Amelia Hill

@byameliahill

Sun 21 Jan 2018 01.00EST Last modified on Sun 21 Jan 2018 09.52EST

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Just Do It. Your partner will be grateful, happier and therefore nicer, too, says Michele Weiner-Davis. Illustration: Andrea De Santis/Observer

How does it make you feel when your partner is cold and distant? Or when theyre critical and prickly? Does it make you want to rip their clothes off, order in a vat of whipped cream and install a chandelier to swing from?

No? Well theres your problem according, at least, to Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor whose Ted talk explaining her unconventional advice to warring couples has been viewed almost 3.5 million times online.

Her advice couldnt be simpler: shag. Do it even if you dont want to, do it especially if you dont want to and, most important of all, do it frequently whether you want to or not. To make it even clearer, shes borrowed one of the most famous advertising slogans of recent times: Just Do It. Your partner will be grateful, happier and therefore nicer, too, she explains from her clinic in Colorado. Its a win-win situation for both of you!

Weiner-Daviss self-confessed zealotry for marriage has its roots in the moment her mother blew her teenage world apart by announcing that her seemingly perfect marriage had been a sham for its 23-year duration. She was 16 at the time, and says she wasnt the only one who didnt recover from the bombshell: her mother never remarried and her two sons rarely speak to her.

The experience, says Weiner-Davis who states that her greatest achievement is her own 40-year marriage was transformative. She became a staunch believer in the fact that most divorces can be prevented; that the relief of a post-divorce life is temporary but the pain of divorce is permanent; and that if couples put enough work into staying together, they can fall back in love and live happily ever after.

Over the years, Weiner-Davis has honed her message. Shes now stripped it back to what she believes is the essence of a successful marriage. Gone is any therapeutic consideration of a couples history; of their emotional travails; of cause and consequence. Now she is entirely one-track minded: no matter how appalling the state of a marriage, she believes that kind, generous and frequent sex can bring it back from the teetering edge of collapse.

Her realisation was hard-won. For decades, I was in the trenches with warring couples, she says. But there were times when I was not too effective. I realised that there was a pattern to the times Id failed. There was always one spouse desperately hoping for more touch and because that was not happening, they were not investing themselves in the relationship in other ways.

Weiner-Davis stopped focussing on the couples difficulties from an emotional angle and addressed them exclusively as sexual problems. that when the so-called low-desire partner who is, she is at pains to emphasise, just as likely to be a man or a woman was encouraged to have sex they didnt particularly want, not only did they end up enjoying themselves but the high-desire partner became a much nicer person to be around.

I heard the same story from my clients so often that I did some research, she said, and found several different sex researchers who confirmed what I was finding: that for millions of people, they have to be physically stimulated before they feel desire.

Armed with this new theory, Weiner-Davis began encouraging her low-desire clients to be receptive to the sexual advances of their high-desire spouse, even if they werent feeling up for it. I found that unless there was something a lot more complicated going on, she insists, there were usually substantial relationship benefits to making love with your high-desire partner.

She rejects any suggestion that shes advocating a sexually subservient, anti-feminist, lie back and think of England approach. In fact, she says this is the embodiment of female empowerment.

Its not just telling women to spread their legs, she insists. This is not just about sex. For a high-desire spouse, sex isnt usually about the orgasm: its about someone wanting to feel that their partner desires and wants them. Im hoping that women will feel empowered that they are getting their own needs met through understanding their partner.

No still means no, she says. But it helps to not just say no. Instead, explain why you dont want to make love, suggest a later date and ask whether theres something you can do for your spouse right now instead. But heres the deal, she adds: There had better be a whole more Yess or Laters than Nos because if the Nos win, it leads to the problems I have been talking about.

Weiner-Davis points out that while its commonly accepted that couples should make all their important family decisions together, when it comes to sex, who ever has the lower sex drive makes a unilateral choice for them both. And, just to rub salt in the wound, she adds, the disenfranchised, high-desire one is expected to stay monogamous. No wonder, she says, they get cross.

I mention Weiner-Daviss theory to some female friends of mine. The overriding response is: Oh God, not another thing for my To Do list! Weiner-Davis is quick to condemn this response. Imagine if, when a woman said she wanted to have more intimate conversations or a date night, her husband said: Its just one more thing on my To Do list! For a high-desire spouse who experiences love through touch instead of quality time, its exactly the same impact. Ive had grown men crying in my office, crying about the sense of rejection they feel from their low-desire wives.

I then regale her with the experience of a friend whose husband had started his own business which quickly went catastrophically wrong. The family finances were in peril and he couldnt cope. His wife stepped in. Alongside her own job and while juggling the childcare, she worked late into the night for weeks to stabilise their security. During this time, she was scrupulous in not blaming her husband, either explicitly or implicitly.

With crisis narrowly averted, the stressed and sleep-deprived wife realised her husband was being snippy and sulky. When she asked what was wrong, he exclaimed: We havent had sex for weeks! Surely, I ask Weiner-Davis, this shows that not all demands for sex should be met with her Just Do It ethos.

Not at all, she says. This woman knew his ego needed to be protected and tried to do that by not blaming him for his mistakes. But it sounds like the bigger statement for him was: Am I still a man and do you still desire me?

But its the selfish, uncontrolled behaviour of a spoilt child, I insist. Weiner-Davis doesnt disagree. Women often say that they feel they have three children instead of two children and a husband, she admits. But the fact that this husband was telling his wife what he was feeling sad about is a really good sign: some people throw in the towel.

Is the deal explicit, I ask, does the low-desire one say: OK, well make love more often, but then you have to turn your iPhone off every once in a while so we can actually talk?

Yes and no, Weiner-Davis says. This isnt about keeping score. Relationships are not 50:50. Theyre 100:100. We have to take responsibility for doing everything that it takes to put the relationship on track even if youre not getting the response you want initially. Thats really hard.

Its about asking yourself, she says, when he or she speaks and acts badly, whether its because you have not had sex for four weeks. Is their anger actually about feeling hurt and rejected? If it is, the low-desire spouse needs to be more sexy even though they will not want to do this. And the other one needs to ask themselves when the last time the couple spent quality time together.

On the other hand, Weiner-Davis admits there is a limit. Id say that after several weeks, if nothing has changed in terms of reciprocity, then the couple do need to sit down and identify whats missing in their relationship for each of them and what they would like to have.

Michele Weiner-Daviss cure for a sex-starved marriage

If you have a low sex drive try to adopt the Nike philosophy and Just Do It!, even if you feel neutral towards having sex at that moment.

If youre the one with a high sex drive, try to discover the way your partner wants to receive love. Its typically through quality time, words of affirmation, thoughtful, practical acts of caring and material gifts.

If you dont want sex at a particular moment, explain why and suggest another specific time – and ask whether you can do something else physical at that moment for your partner instead.

If you have a higher sex drive than your partner, try to empathise with them and accept they might never want wild or creative sex, but see the increased level of intercourse as a gift showing their love.

Remember theres no daily or weekly minimum to ensure a healthy sex life. As a couple you need to work out together what works for you.

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

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polyamoryus · 6 years

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I am in a polyamorous triad

A quad is the same as a triad, only with four people instead of three.

I couldn’t say Polyamory is either a good nor bad idea. It's a choice, just as monogamy is a choice. I'm polyamorous, so I like it.

I am polyamorous. I have a romantic relationship with multiple people at the same time.

To me that’s what life is all about, making the most out of life, while it lasts. Life is so short, too short to wonder “what if ?” all the time.

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