#ive never attacked the person over it because a) its not that big of a deal and b) ive also been inspired to take on traits by other muses

[somethingoranother7]

3 and 23?

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

If one person in the generic* man fandom has a generic woman oc, it is stealing their design if you also have a generic woman oc.

ship you've unwillingly come around to

Stanley x Bucket. The Bucket is untrustworthy and hasn't really done much for Stanley. Stanley is settling in that ship and there is absolutely no chemistry whatsoever.

[stevestark]

Eddie only gets told snippets of everyone else's Upside Down experiences after Vecna, like, the sanitized version. The story told by each person but omitting the most personally traumatizing parts. Which means he doesn't know much about Steve and Robin Versus The Russians. Not in its full, gory detail.

So he doesn't think anything of it when Steve has a day off and wants to hang out, just asks if he minds coming with him to Indianapolis. Steve says yes immediately because he just doesn't want to spend another day alone in his big empty house, even if it means several hours in Eddie's deathtrap of a vehicle.

But then they get there and Eddie is parking outside a tattoo parlor and saying he got a last minute booking with his favorite artist and that he's so excited to cover some of the scars he has from the bats and Steve can barely hear him over the fuzziness that seems to be filling his entire brain.

He lets Eddie guide him into the shop, watches Eddie and the tattooist make small talk, follows Eddie to the table, sits on the stool next to him, and tries to look anywhere but at the tattoo gun.

Eddie doesn't notice at first, too jazzed about the idea he and the artist have come up with, blabbering about how he can finally take his shirt off at the lake again. It's not until the line work is done that he realizes Steve's breathing has gone shallow.

He asks the artist if they can take a smoke break before filling the tattoo in with color, and he gently takes Steve's hand and pulls him out back to ask what's wrong. Steve's too deep into a panic attack to answer, so Eddie just puts Steve on the side opposite his new work and pulls him in close, squeezing him as tight as he can and just gently shushing him, running his hand through Steve's hair.

After a few minutes, Steve's breathing easier, and Eddie asks him again if he's okay.

"I'm fine, I just... I hate needles. Ever since the Russians drugged me and Robin. Can't be around them."

Eddie frowns, realizing this must be one of the parts of the story he knows they were keeping from him. "Why did Russians drug you?"

Steve sighs, pulls out of Eddie's grasp, and sits on the ground against the back wall of the tattoo shop. "Dustin picked up a Russian transmission, summer of '85. We translated it, found their secret base under the mall, and realized they were opening the Gate back up. But then we were seen, and to buy time, Robin and I let ourselves get caught so Erica and Dustin could escape and get help."

Eddie sits next to Steve, their knees bumping. "Erica Sinclair? God, that kid really is the most badass of all of us."

"Yeah," Steve laughs. "Anyway, the Russians beat the shit out of me, asking who do you work for and shit like that. Didn't believe me when I said Scoops Ahoy. So they brought in this Doctor and he drugged me and Robin to get us to talk. Just straight up jammed a big ass needle full of mystery drugs into my neck. Ever since then, needles freak me the fuck out. They had to strap me down in the hospital just to get an IV in me when Robin insisted I get the bat bites checked out."

Eddie runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Steve. I never would've brought you here with me if I knew."

"I know," Steve says quietly. "'S'not your fault. I'm trying to get better at being open about things like this but it's just..."

"Hard. Yeah. I wake up screaming most nights, and I can tell Wayne feels bad because he doesn't know what to do. Because he doesn't know what's causing it."

"Yeah," Steve sighs.

They sit quietly out there for another ten minutes before the tattooist comes back out to see if Eddie wants to keep going, and he glances at Steve, sees the way he's gone pale and rigid, and shakes his head. "Sorry, man, think we're gonna have to pick this up another time."

Eddie stands, grabs Steve's hand and hauls him to his feet, and walks inside, never once letting go of Steve. He sets an appointment for a few weeks from now, on a day he knows Steve is working, and they leave the shop.

The second they're in the car, Eddie sees the color returning to Steve's face, and he drives aimlessly through the city, finally stopping at a combination bookstore/cafe.

"Come on then, big boy," he says with a teasing grin. "I do believe I promised to teach you about Hobbits."

[0w0tsuki]

Hey Ive seen Baeddel used in a lot of your posts but like,, other than a definition of the word I cant really find much on what it means like discourse-wise.

I know its something relating to transfems but other than that im lost x.x sorry for the bother

Basically it started out as an old timey slur for trans women. The word "bad" is rooted from it. In the early 2010s a group of trans women adopted the term and had a community for a very short time before it collapsed and not much information is left over.

Some say that had abusive dynamics. Some say they were just talking about transfeminism like they do now. My sibling swears up and down from their personal experiences with the initial group that they were a group of grifters using queer politics to fundraise for tumblers first big scam, The ARK(C?) Project.

A bunch of anti-transfeminists in their efforts to create the magical word that will allow them to terf-jacket trans women without having it called out as such happened upon the term and used the lack of concrete history/the fact that most of the subjective history isn't too charitable to this original group to fabricate a conspiracy theory that these original Beaddels were an evil cabal of bigoted trans women who never really went away and now operate and sow intracommunity discourse from the shadows for the explicit purpose of weakening the holy divinity of TransUnity.

And while some of them moved on to other terms like "TIRF" and "Neo Radfem" a good portion of TransUnity/Transandro anti-transfeminists have latched onto the term and have doubled down on their intent to use it to create a category of trans women that it's ok to exclude. Out of all of the anti-transfeminists that have come out of this new wave, the ones who build their politics around "Anti-Beaddelism" are some of the most mask-off exclusionists of the bunch. Like look at how they talk about Beadels

They will list how these groups have a bunch of ties to nearly every anti-queer group they could think of. And then they warn White™(Because everytime they attack trans women they have to pretend like it's a race thing to distract from the transmisogyny) that they mean to need to maintain a sense of hypervigilance around their transfem sisters and read into every laugh, every joke, and every word for the possibility of finding Beaddel rhetoric. This is a manipulative abusive tactic to keep the transfems within their sphere of influence to reach other to other transfems and rely on TME people to tell them what's right and provide community.

I remember on sailorportia's "Anti-Egg discoursers sound just like my conversation therapist" post I saw one of these people referring to the notes section as "full of beaddel dogwhistles" and inviting people to "take a look and educate themselves". Not specifying what the dogwhistles are or how they are dogwhistles. Just vaguely gesturing at the notes section and inviting you to regard anything a vocal trans woman as a crypto-beaddel and anything they say as "beaddel dogwhistles"

These communities cultivate a sense of paranoia. They encourage constant scrutiny regarding anything a trans woman says. Their leaders sell themselves as protectors of the community whose exclusion is a necessary evil to keep online trans communities safe. They are incentivized to keep the term Beaddel definition murky but representative of all the evils they attribute to trans women.

The term in the modern day is largely prescriptive and moreso defined by the reactionary "Anti-Beadelism" movement than it is defined by its history. Only a few trans women have reclaimed the term. When anti-transfeminists talk about Beaddelism they aren't talking about an organized group or community, they are referring to a bunch of individual trans women they have branded with the beaddel slur.

Currently I don't think reclaiming the word is a good move. Not that I disagree with it or think trans women shouldn't reclaim it. It's just that it will do more harm than good for as long as exclusionists control the narrative on its definition. I've seen mutuals have their posts on general transfeminism get completely discarded out of hand because they had Beaddel in their profile name or bio.

Because like it or not the current definition of Beaddels that gets passed around was written by current ex-terfs/transandro nothorses bro and cites TERF resources in their definition. This is the same dude who's responsible for the foundation or the current TransUnity echo chamber and used the influence from creating that community to try and redefine TERF to include trans women for the purpose of TERF-jacketing.

It's why me and some other trans women have been picking up the words trasfeminism to refer to discussions of transfem issues and anti-transfeminist to refer to these new wave of transfem exclusionist. It denies the exclusionists the ability to define our politics for us to outsiders. Also note: If the term trasfeminism picks up in use your going to see a lot of these people switch from "Beaddel" to "Radical Transfeminist" as their go-to anti-transfeminist TERF-jacketing slur

[moonsidesong]

finished UT Yellow pacifist ! i really really enjoyed it! i will definitely be going back for the other runs but i'd like to let this sit for at least a few days before i go back in.

extended thoughts below!! yaayay!!!!

ok im sorry to open with a negative thought but if i can be a little mean. ceroba's fight suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. visually its insanely cool, musically its insanely cool, the presentation overall rocks, but gameplay wise its the worst ive played so far bar none.

i think this game for the most part had pretty fun and interesting bullet patterns for the bosses and, especially in the case of Axis, El Bailador, and Guardener's fights, i really got the sense i was getting a little better each time as i memorized the attacks, which is exactly what i want from a UTDR boss fight! i heart memorization.

... but Ceroba's fight was the only one where i felt like the bullet patterns just had no rhyme or reason to them. i think using several simple attacks to make a layered complicated one is a good idea in theory but in the way they did it i kinda just felt like she was throwing random crap at me and when I did beat it (which took i think around an hour) i sorta just got the impression that i was lucky enough her RNG picked the easier ones a few extra turns in a row rather than feeling like i actually accomplished anything (anything with the gravity black hole added was just kind of a death sentence for me, maybe its a skill issue but i feel like yknow. im okaaayyy at bullet hell... wah...)

also, i dont know much about game design, but the overall momentum of the fight is set up to really only be good if you beat it the first time. which is not great. they make you watch a cutscene every time you die and although it is brief, it breaks things up just a little too long! you get really sick of hearing the first few notes of what are otherwise great songs in her fight, and it makes it harder to feel for her when watching her scream starts to become annoying. i think if it were up to me, it'd be best if when you died, there was no cutscene, and the game over screen didnt have music or text and was JUST the Retry/Continue prompts so you can jump back into the action quickly. if we wanna take it a step further, because the music opens with such intense notes, stop making it start over!!!! pick it up where it left off!!!! maybe even have the game over menu not even stop the music, just muffle it temporarily or something. i dont know. thats what id do if it were up to me but i did not make anything im just a guy writing a tumblr post

anyway hater hour over. i mentioned those three boss fights earlier because they were my favorites. i thought they were really fun. i can see how some people might think the shield mechanic during Axis's fight might suck but it was like easily my favorite actually HAHAHA idk i thought it was fuuuuun heehehe yaay i block the bullets and it makes a good sound sound makea me happy <- this is the hightest compliment you can get from a misophonic player

also the ending made me cry. this isnt saying much because literally everything makes me cry but it did in fact make me cry. u show me characters showing a moment of genuine vulnerability in a bittersweet atmosphere and uh oh

anyway.

i mentioned in my previous thought post that i was interested in seeing where the running theme of "jobs/employment" was going, and seeing it play out into meaning "forever unfinished business" was really good. Martlet quits the Royal Guard having felt like she never really did anything there, neither Chujin nor Ceroba could finish what they set out to do, and Clover never even saw the other human souls. theres probably more than that too thats just what i remeber my memorys actually kinda bad i never remember anything until i play it like three times oops. maybe i should start writing my thoughts as i go instead of making big unorganized writeups on tumblr after the fact.

also this is a really small personal nitpick that doesnt matter but i dont like ceroba's skirt. i think having such a regal traditional outfit otherwise and then just wearing a short skirt that goes above her knees makes her look more like a schoolgirl than it does someone who is like At The Minimum in her thirties. i get not wanting a long skirt to get in the way of her silhouette for her boss fight since shes all like stanced up but at that point just give her pants LOL

i don't care to comment much on the writing, on the whole i really liked it so i dont have as much to say, but i dont think martlet shouldve been there in the room with you for Chujin's tapes. i think that shouldve been a quiet moment with just Clover so it could Sit with you for a second. thats my only writing gripe in this very moment.

anyway GRAHHHH I ENDED UP WRITING A LOT OF THINGS I DIDNT LIKE AND I DONT WANT TO LEAVE WITH THE IMPRESSION I HAD A NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE SO:

MUSIC WAS REALLY GOOD!!! I LIKED ALL THE CHARACTERS!!!! I LIKED MAKING AXIS'S FUNNY ROBOT PARTNER I THOUGHT THAT WAS FUNNY!!!!!!!! ASIDE FROM THE FINAL BOSS I THOUGHT THE GAMEPLAY WAS FUN!!!!! THE MAIL MECHANIC WAS REALLY SILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I PLAYED WITH MY FRIEND AND I HAD A VERY GOOD TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAY!!! I VIDEO LOVE GAMES!!!!!!!!!!

thanks for reading! im sure ill have more thoughts to share by the time i do the other routes, but like i said at the start, id like to just sit on my thoughts and let the game simmer for now. my overall opinion is that i thought it was good! not perfect by any means, but very very good. i'm sure i will revisit it someday. and by that i mean right now im gonna draw and watch a bit of saltydkdan's video of it before bed.

if you read this far tell me your favorite hot drink :) lately ive been really obsessed with like, this basic ass cinnamon/nutmeg/coriander chai from target. i put a little honey and cream in it and its like my favorite thing ever i have some every morning. i used to think i only liked fruity teas but my eyes have been truly opened.

[aihoshiino]

ive seen interpretations of both but do you think ayumi's abuse of ai only started once the stepdad starting to uh make eyes at her or if it already was a thing before but escalated due to it?

I'm pretty certain and always have been that Ayumi was abusive to Ai the entire time she was in her care - 131 just clarified the shape of it and its point of explosive escalation.

Even prior to that, I was pretty firm in my reading that Ai did not have anything resembling a normative upbringing in her mother's household. Even before we have any of the details about that relationship presented to us, Ai says herself in chapter 1 of the manga no less that she has 'always wanted' a family because she does not have one. As 131 tells us, Ai didn't leave her mother's house until she was nine or ten years old at the very least. She was raised by Ayumi for ten years and still considers herself to be a person who never had a family.

We see this clarified in chapter 8 where Ai more explicitly talks about her abuse: Ayumi abandoned her to the care system after her arrest, which Ai frames as preferable to "getting hit", making it more or less explicit that Ayumi was, in fact, physically violent towards her outside of the incident we hear about in 45510. However, the most damning part of this scene to me comes from elsewhere:

"I don't remember ever being loved."

Even by her own mother. Ai has no memory of ever being loved by Ayumi. We get a reiteration of this idea during Ryosuke's attack on her, as Ai says over and over: she doesn't understand love. She doesn't know how to love people, no matter how desperately she tries.

This by itself is all very alarming before you ever account for Ayumi's violence. Remember that Ai cannot be any older than 11 or 12 years old here and yet this is still how she chooses to describe herself: as a person with no memory of ever being loved. As an antisocial liar, a people-hating liar. A twelve year old child should not be able to even think of herself in these terms, let alone articulate them.

There's a lot of other small hints scattered around, too— Ai is implied to have some anxieties relating to food security and she is shown to be quite short and slight even by the standards of an average Japanese woman, which possibly implies a history of not being fed enough or not having access to food as and when she needed to eat. During her big Ai research session, Akane even directly says that, with the way Ai's personality turned out, there's no way she could have come from a good home environment.

Ai's personality isn't the only red flag here, though. Ayumi herself and the way she talks about both Ai and her abuse of Ai when Aqua finally speaks to her in person paints a very clear picture of the sort of mother she likely was, even in the short amount of time that we have page time with her. I did a much longer analysis of her in a previous post but to TL;DR it, Ayumi spends the entire conversation simultaneously backpedalling at breakneck speed from any claim of agency and responsibility in her abuse of Ai while also placing the blame of that abuse on Ai herself.

Not only that, but here's something I just caught on reviewing the chapter right now — Ayumi never even actually admits to abusing her daughter. Pay attention to how she describes the series of events: She became angry at her boyfriend, jealous of her daughter and then… their family just 'fell apart'. There is a glaring hole, a missing step in this process and that missing step is her violence towards Ai. The closest she ever gets to acknowledging any sort of mistreatment is her saying that she would just "wind up hurting" Ai if they were together again, which is about the most understated nothing sentiment imaginable. Of course Ayumi can never atone for what she did. She can't even fucking admit it.

The way Ayumi disavows herself of agency while centering Ai as holding responsibility for her own victimization and abuse combined with Ai's own personality pretty much makes it explicit to me that Ayumi was emotionally abusive to Ai for all her life. Specifically, I think Ayumi was probably the sort of mother that is colloquially referred to as a "narcissistic mother" - specifically, I think she falls under the umbrella of 'covert narcissist'. While discussing this type of behavior, psychologist Craig Malkin said "Covert narcissists feel special because they believe their pain is more important than others". Covert narcissism is defined by jealousy, difficulty maintaining meaningful relationships, projection of insecurities onto others (in this case, from mother to daughter) and an inability to handle criticism or cop to their own behavior. Sound like someone we know?

Another big tell is just… honestly, looking at any list of the long term effects of this kind of abuse on children. Growing up under this kind of parenting leads to a whole host of issues, but most relevant to my point here is as follows:

Hyper-vigilance towards other peoples' feelings

Poor emotional intelligence; specifically, a lack of comprehension of your own emotions

Unhealthy desires for validation from other people and tendencies towards codependency in relationships

Perfectionism and/or self destructive tendencies, either separately or in parallel

Low self esteem, poor self image, high levels of self doubt and self criticism.

If you're reading that list and going wow! this is basically just a Greatest Hits of everything wrong with Hoshino Ai! then congratulations because you successfully completed my thought experiment for me. I've described the effects of Ayumi's abuse as running through Ai like fault lines before and this is the sort of thing I mean.

I also don't want to leave it unspoken that like… violence the likes of which Ayumi subjected Ai to does not come from nowhere. A normal, loving parent does not escalate to putting fucking glass in her daughter's food no matter what the hell else is going on in their life. It's unclear whether Ayumi's physical abuse of Ai was something that only started after the incident with her stepfather or if it was an aspect of the ongoing abuse she subjected Ai to all her life, but I simply don't think it's possible with everything the manga has laid out, explicitly and implicitly, about their relationship that Ayumi was ever a loving mother to Ai or that the two of them ever had a remotely normal relationship. In a horrible way, Ayumi's abandonment of Ai was the kindest thing she ever did for her, because it means she finally got the fuck out of her life.

[emmetofthestars]

Yes please!! A summary would be greatly appreciated!! An thanku for the helpful tag,, will be looking forward to a tag for yer blu team if you make one!

ive gone ahead and tagged (most) of my blu art under #emmetsis blu!

i also totally forgot that i have a carrd for my blu team and for two extra ocs... but because its rather empty it makes more sense i write something new. the carrd does have pronouns though.

to be more general first, blu team are my blu merc ocs and they are all clones of red team. along the way of cloning and growing they gained their unique personalities. so while they are clones, they are by now completely different people. as a result of respawn machines being a thing in my story, they all generally do not take death seriously as there are no real consequences to it, aswell as the existance of their medic. i think this is a bit of an important thing to add.

jay is the teams scout. not loud and brash at all, unlike red scout. shes not very enthusiastic about the war and she sees no use in it all. shes a close friend with crawford, and they both hang out and skip out on work. the two of them rarely go places without eachother. she likes lemon soda and sour tastes in general :3

carl is the soldier. unlike his red counterpart he is not confident or headstrong. he fears alot of things from small animals to the outside, aswell as people. he keeps his helmet on desperately as light hurts his eyes to the point of headaches. he always gets alot of scrutiny from charon. while there are sufficient bedrooms at blu base, he instead lives in a windowless storage room, in a sort of pillow-blanket fort.

gary is the pyro. bearing no lick of red pyros bloodlust and arsonist nature, gary does not fight. though they know how to fight back, they do not like seeing people in pain and will never attack first. while they arent an arsonist, they love water to almost a similar destructive degree. they would flood their bedroom to the brim with water, if they could. they like to sit at the bottom of lakes.

achilles is the demo. she does not dabble in explosives, but rather swords. he has a fascination with books in general and books about mythology of all sorts, peculiarly achilles of greek mythology, which they named themselves after. also has a particular fascination with cutting peoples heads off, but not out of malice, just out of pure love to his sword and shield, his half-zatoichi and splendid screen. she thinks shes pretty awesome.

daisy is the heavy. he has the same protective nature over people, and though he looks like a big softie he will not hesitate to strike if he recognizes a threat. but when somebody he trusts hurts him, its hard for him to let go. tries to learn how to knit and anything adjacent. when not, just likes to talk to people or take walks. he does not carry a minigun, he sticks to his shotgun and melee.

minnie is the engie. minnie is minnie. minnie builds mini sentries. sometimes teleporters. rarely dispensers. but mostly mini sentries. minnie can say four words: mini, sentry, teleporter, and dispenser. anything else? tough luck. even then, minnie does not speak enough times for anyone to remember what it sounds like.

charon is the medic. whatever inner issues red medic had manifest strangely in charon. not a very good medic- they dont respond to their teammates cries, charging into battle on their own with secondary and melee. they are extremely (hypo)critical and aggressive, and they get physical fast. however, when they are done screaming about whatever it is that their team has done wrong THIS time, they regret what they did, silently berating themselves. and the very next day, they would scream again, and regret it again. the day after that, and after that. they dont talk to anyone at length, not even achilles. they dont apologize, as they have no faith left in themself.

crawford is the sniper. (ill most often refer to him as crow.) unknowingly a drunkard- she doesnt actually know what alcohol is, just finds it tasty. he is as loving of the outdoors as his red counterpart, particularly of heights. she will climb any high building or abandoned pylon, with no regard to safety or her own life, just to feel the wind in her face. would also eat most foods if hes curious, even something such as pure raw meat- he is not aware that meat needs to be cooked. also a literal night owl. she sleeps at day and is wide awake at night.

iris is the spy. though she does her job as best she can, he is in no way as tenacious as red spy. he rarely disguises, and resorts instead to cloaking with the cloak & dagger. the pressure of their job gets to them, they are hardly energetic and often cant even find the energy to hold long conversations with people, or even say anything - the most she will do is approach people to ask them a technical question, then leave. and as a result of an "incident" with the red medic... its only worsened since then.

wow this was a long one..... i love infodumping.... :) some of this is POSSIBLY bound to change but in general their roles are pretty set in stone. i am still actively writing them though.

[gluion]

HII 24, 48, 49, 53 FOR THE ASK GAME !!

hi hi kimchi!!! thank you so much for sending in an ask <3 i apologize for how long this will be LOL but i hope enjoy hearing my silly kpop thoughts heheh

24. your favorite debuts?

hands down, i love boynextdoor's mainly because their debut at least strayed away from the trend of boycrush music that's been happening in 4th gen grps, and it felt like a good way to start the 5th gen era. i also LOVE zb1's debut because the masterpiece that is youth in the shade as an entire album. i wasn't considering to stan zb1 mainly because i've had my fair share of survival show groups but literally sooo fucking good i couldn't help it. loona's debut will always hold a special place in my heart because the whole "girl of the month" concept really was sooo good. i remember when i first heard chuu's heart attack and i was sold. i stayed with them since. txt's is also my favorite. even if im a predebut stan, the way they really had such a distinct sound from debut that followed them until minisode era.... love my txt boys special mentions to golcha's damdadi, newjeans' debut, wannaone's energetic, and nct dream's chewing gum

48. a kpop group whose concert you MUST attend in your lifetime

boynextdoor! not only just because they're my ult group but they have been the only group (aside from bts) where i was okay to watch them over a day6 concert. and that's a huge deal to me. a lot of my friends know i've given up other kpop concerts just to watch day6 regardless of how many times ive seen them, but bonedo has been the only group where i felt like i can watch them over day6. (it's never happened with past ult groups like svt, nct dream, or tbz like its sooo srs to me if i would be okay watching another group over day6... my forever ult group for life)

49. your favorite kpop songs from this year (2024)?

THE ENTIRETY OF BAND AID ALBUM. I LOVE YOU DAY6. i literally could not stop listening to it. its such a perfect album personally because i have always been a big lover of their more rock-leaning tracks. i am literally still struggling to rank these tracks like i love that album to Bits. but special mentions to monster and counter like wow. i can ramble on and on about day6 but i wont. (like. theres a reason why my user is GLUION.) happy and get the hell out by day6.... wow i just LOVE day6 im sorry but literally saved my soul. fourever saved my soul it did. come back to me by rm really did genuine emotional damage to me. like i love the whole right place, wrong person album but that track in specific has such immense impact on my soul and i think its because the mv reminds me of myself. the entirety of the TRIGGER ALBUM BY THE BOYZ. BUT ESPECIALLY slip away and re-wind by tbz is so fucking good like i am still so gagged. honestly THE WHOLE ALBUM IS SOOO GOOD. it is one of my highly rated albums from this year. ist went all out because they know tbz is leaving LMFAO. good so bad by zb1 is like textbook defintion of a day6 track filled with youth and nostalgia but more pop. like if you listen to it, you will UNDERSTAND. i cried to that song because the production of that track is so day6. i also fucking LOVE insomnia like its the perfect bside imo like i went crazy in the concert and i always go back to it killin' it by p1harmony was also sooo good. that went platinum in my household. i love piwon sooo fucking much. le sserafim's crazy honestly such a banger track. i am still listening to it. i am still at the club. i love that song and literally just been a fan of ssera's sound also love love LOVE riize's impossible, lucky, and boom boom bass. i love house music, and boom boom bass was stuck in my head for a good chunk of my life. i love riize. special mentions to yoyo by rescene, supersonic by fromis_9, crazy by le sserafim, love wins all by iu, and dash by nmixx

53. tell me your unpopular kpop opinion!

omg crazy take but people need to stop killing people over album/music preferences. like sorry but music is subjective and youre not better if you like all or none. like SORRY!

[indestinatus]

Hi, different anon, i dont know who sent the others. i want to say some things but please don't take any of this in the wrong way. ive followed you for a long time, you're well liked and well respected in the tiva fandom for good reason however, i agree with the anon that there has been a change that has nothing to do with your life commitments (which im happy for you BTW!)

You said its overwhelming on twitter because of the number of people there now but this isn't accurate, if there were a large number of people being kind on there then there wouldn't be a problem but these people are continuously unkind to anyone who isn't in their "troops".

You reference "tiva fights" on twitter but i don't remember a time before the spin-off was announced that there was drama on this constant scale like this in the fandom. you say you won't support "content stealing or random rudeness" yet the only people you now interact with on twitter are the very people doing this (i think this is an issue the anon was talking about).

You say you've made real friends here over the years and that's true! but like the anon said its like you've dropped these friends and are only focused on the people who are intent on tearing this fandom apart for their own egotistical gains.

Your "new" friends have created nothing but trouble since they appeared when the spin-off was announced. they have been rude, insulting, belittling, condescending, aggressive etc towards anyone who doesn't share their mindset. they gang up on people who say one thing they don't like and are also attacking random people not in the fandom who comment on announcement tweets. either you don't know the full extent of the damage they've caused inside this fandom to people who are friends with you (which is fine because there are many people who can explain it to you), or you know what they've done to people and you simply don't care. i think the ambiguity of this particular part is unsettling people because it seems as if you're condoning what they've done.

I think you yourself are a really nice and kind person but the friends you've now got are affecting the way people see you. i saw also you had quote retweets from hawaii fans and that's because your new friends have done nothing but attack them for months, so now you are receiving it too because you associate with them.

Overall it just seems like there is confusion to you not talking to these new people at all to suddenly they are the only ones you talk to. I know you can't control what other people do but this is more of a reflection of what your friendship with them is presenting.

hello, anon. this ask has made me immensely sad.

first of all, who am I in the grand scheme of things. for you to be monitoring my activity and debating who I should be talking to like... I admit I am a person moved by fandom. In the ncis fandom, especially the tiva fandom, there are waves of activity both here and on other socials like twitter and instagram. I've spent almost 2 years not posting on twitter and only making content for tumblr, both gifsets and fics, and talking to the fandom in here. Likewise, when it's more active there I tend to float toward where people want to talk about it. And who share fandom content and who are actually excited about what I also share.

I talked about some stuff you allude to in this ask only in my private twitter which means you're one of my closest friends in the fandom, and it makes me sad. And no, I never categorized myself in any friend group. I don't take sides in fights inside a fandom (which, idk if you know this but the ncis fandom was really big in 2010s and every big fandom has fights and wow do I even need to talk about the drama back then) and if you monitor my activity so closely I think you also know I wasn't aware of the details of this until a few days prior. Since then, I've collected myself again and I haven't shared content I know is from other people whom I respect and I don't interact with arguments about cancellations and other drama like this. I hate it. I'm here to talk about fictional characters and share stuff I'm excited about.

that said, I haven't dropped any friends. I'm not inside any "new troops". from what I remember, I tried my best not to be "rude, insulting, belittling, condescending, aggressive" against anyone. My real friends from this fandom know who they are and we talk constantly, they have my private phone number and my personal instagram. we support each other. I don't know anything other than seeing a few friends talking about having their gifs been stolen (so no, it's not like "I simply don't care") but also idk if I'm interested in fandom drama. since then, I voiced my opinion about taking someone else's content as one's own and focused on making my own content again, sharing the ones I know are from people who created them and staying silent.

since the spin-off news dropped I've been overwhelmed with the number of new people who suddenly arrived in this fandom and also with the zero amount of time I now have to create fandom content about stuff I'm so excited about. I didn't even have the time to digest this news and am constantly bombarded with new things and no time to process them like I wanted to. no time to make the gifsets, fics, or talk to people like I did before and also who aren't as active anymore anywhere. it breaks my heart to be excited about stuff in a way my life doesn't allow me to be.

anyway, after this whole ramble, I hope you realize I hate fandom drama and that is why I post my content, voice my opinion, and make myself scarce. if you want to explain what happened or simply talk to me, feel free and I'm OK with being judged. but also I don't intend to be as active anymore currently because of things like these and asks like these from anons. I'm sorry. if anyone wants to talk about tony and ziva, let me know.

[nahalism]

did you ever need to take sth like antidepressants for anxiety or panick attacks? I recall you speakin about having dealth with them in the past & been wonderin if you ever tried medicating urself for it / would consider it if your nerves were getting too much 4 u at some point down the line or did you develop ur own way around those little&big pits of hell

xX

heyyyyy <3 (this will b long but this question deserves a thorough answer so hope thats ok)

ive been strongly encouraged to take various medications over the years, particularly for anxiety/mood stabilisation, and twoish weeks ago i ended up in hospital cause literally i lost my mind, and i felt so out of it that thats the first time i ever considered not just wanting, but needing medication in order to function. however, i didnt, cause i dont like making decisions in the moment (desperation leads to desperate decisions) and because before that experience and even during it, ive never felt convinced that medication was the solution to the problems i was facing. 1) due to the physical, mental and emotional side effects. & 2) because im not convinced the people prescribing the meds even know what is 'wrong' with me.— a lot of that has to do with the nhs being a mess, (its quicker to get meds than wait thru the referral time to get diagnosed & into therapy) but also, theres a lot of comorbidity in the diagnosis ive been given, so there are multiple things to treat & in their eye's medication gives a faster result than unpacking all of that individually. the recommendation was to put me on a cocktail of drugs that can fuck up my liver kidneys and endocrine system to 'see if it will work' .. :/.

the only thing that has ever worked for me is sitting with myself and my emotions, acknowledging them, doing things at my pace in my time, and structuring my life in a way that is tailored for me and my success rather than being successful in the world or in a socially accepted way. that means having a morning routine that caters to my mental emotional and physical health, (mindful practices, yoga, gardening, sound work etcetc), and finding ways to continue that throughout the day (working creatively and limiting my exposure to people or situations that are not for me/overstimulate me).

that being said, this routine (which is still being refined and altered) works pretty well for me, but comes with sacrifices and isnt fool proof. symptoms of my mental illness still persist & without being medicated people are less lenient when helping someone they feel isnt 'helping themselves', im also still working on how to be as sociable as id like to be, and often my spirals are triggered by the very system i have in place to help me. i often face feeling like a let down, like im lazy, like im a weirdo/recluse, like im incapable of being a normal person etc etc. for example, a lot of the friends i graduated with have experienced crazy growth in their careers and have a sense of social and financial security that i dont have because they can function year round, whereas i have months at a time where i dont feel myself and have to disappear in order to keep sanity and peace in my being, lol. that, and the fact that it takes me a lot of base maintenance and effort to function as a normal person makes me feel like shit if i let it, so i constantly have to remind myself on top of the work i do daily, that whilst there are things others have/experience, that i dont, the inverse is also true, and theres beauty to me being me in my way. and .. yeah 🤷🏽‍♀️. that part is hard. but its also worth it to me and has taught me a lot

all that being said, do your own research and decide what feels right and what is best for YOU. speak to your doctors, therapists, and friends who may be medicated, or look on forums online for perspectives from both sides. [*if anyone reading this has a helpful opinion 2 offer pls comment]. the feeling of helplessness when your in the throws of whatever mental illness you suffer from can be debilitating and if taking a pill everyday or when you need it can fix that, no ones opinion should sway you from doing what you need to do to function. some of my friends who are medicated swear by medication!! (particularly when it comes to adhd meds) cause not being able to process thoughts and function is horrible and ruins lives needlessly.

so yh.. i hope this helps. as long as you do whats best for you, i have no doubt you will find your way through this and that it will be worth it. above all, know that the power of your will, your mind, and your person, is what makes you special, and so even if it takes more for you to show up than it does others, that's absolutely fine. take your time with it, and know what nothing is wasted, because you have no idea the good that can come from working out the details. most of the advice i have to offer comes from making it thru an existential crisis or bout of depression. <3

blessings 2 u love

[autocann1bal]

whoever asked for my lockwood and co playlist, you are in for it :)

so ive decided to give the link to the playlist as well as come up with scenarios for each song so this is. gonna be a big doc. (also book spoilers)

heres the link to the actual playlist (ps if anyone knows the artist please let me know!!)

luv l8r - mom jeans im going to be honest, stole this from a fic, not much to say, just a song that reminds me of them

september - sparky deathcap the instrumental just gives cozy vibes, like something theyd listen to together whilst reading in the library, possibly cuddled up on the couch who knows. maybe even a cheeky little george pops in to bring them more tea, and sees them cuddled up on the couch and smiles before leaving the tea at the door as not to disturb them (alternatively: he joins them bc romantic locklyle + qpr george is a wonderful thing)

buzzcut season - lorde LOOK IDK ITS JUST SO THEM I CANT EXPLAIN IT THEYRE JUST SO. its a song with such a nostalgic feeling and i feel like it fits them, its a sort of montage song, at least to me. its a song that reminds me that theyre kids, because they really are just kids being put in these awful situations.

stars will fall - duster yet another library song, less romantic this time id guess, more just all 3 of them reading respectively in the library. lockwood probably reading old newspapers, lucy some sort of novel, and george either reading his comics or researching for a case.

drip drip drip fall - ewy a lockwood song, do with that what thou shalt :)

main character syndrome - wilbur soot another lockwood song. hes got main character syndrome and we all know it. seems a kipps vs lockwood sort of song yk? the lines "its not a problem its his niche" and "he smiles with only half his face" feel so very lockwood to me.

evans song - flower face OMLGFHKJGFHKJFJGH. its lucys song to lockwood. we get plenty of lockwood being a pathetic simp, but what about lucy? "to think i thought ive loved before, to think i fought so many wars" feels like a lucy line. she loved norrie (romantically and platonically (personal hc)), but shes never loved someone the way shes loved lockwood. theyve saved eachother countless times. i love them <3

shadow moses - bring me the horizon my playlist is. all over the place and you can really tell with this one. im not really sure specifics for this one but its definitely an angsty song so something along the lines of lucy getting ghost locked and lockwood panicking -> "can you tell from the look in her eyes/we're going nowhere"

call me what you like - lovejoy feels very "lockwood using holly as a replacement for lucy after she leaves" sort of deal. i will go more in depth on this one if anyone would like but i fear it may make the post longer than it needs to be just please dont attack me over this dhfdfgkjg.

a pearl - mitski HMHMMHMHMH necklace. the pearl is the necklace, lockwood is the war, shes fallen so deep in love. again this is post her leaving, pre her return. shes in an inn somewhere swirling the necklace around her fingers, missing him more than anything, thinking he didnt want her there. pain :D.

long long time - linda ronstadt MWAHKAHKJDFG this ones for the tlou fans. yall know :)

under the weather - corpse like i said. very all over the place playlist. yet another lockwood angst song, probably some sort of sickfic type deal, but more lockwood needs a mental health day and lucy (+ possibly george, depending on your personal hc (i am so mentally ill for romantic locklyle + george qpr)) caring for him and just. cozy vibes but also really sad bc <33

all we ever wanted was everything - bauhaus RAHHH SHOW CANON SONG. its just so them <33

blue hair - tv girl YOU CANT TELL ME THIS ISNT A LOCKWOOD SONG ITS SO HIM CMON. minus. the. misogyny yk

chemistry - kimya dawson lucy song [everyone gasps]. 'how did we end up here?/you said happenstance' hmshdhrg lucy asking lockwood how they ended up in the Consensual Workplace Relationship and they just talk and talk and talk afterwords, probably sometime late morning yk cozy just woke up vibes.

clementine - elliott smith herrhfhf scrungly soft locklyle vibes in the morning, waking up together, getting ready for the day together, they end up dancing in the kitchen to this song smiles i love them cries wails sobs

bouquet - ichiko aoba do i know what shes saying other than the flowers? no!!! is it cozy vibes? yes!! they are falling asleep after a long day listening to it i cant explain why

empire ants - gorillaz ft little dragon i. honestly do not know. another song similar to buzzcut season, feels like a reminder that theyre just kids. very well may be a lucy breakdown song who knows :)

it will come back - hozier we got our first hozier song boys. lucy leaving, lockwood breakdown, listening to this on repeat hoping wishing praying that she'll come back.  wishing more than anything.

rule #27 - drunk on pride - fish in a bird cage lockwood is constantly drunk on pride, everyone knows it, everyone feels it. this is probably something along the lines of lucy and george being worried for him as he goes into a particularly dangerous job, fully confident and all to prideful. he comes out of it alive, but damaged.

tree hugger - kimya dawson im a bitch for kimya dawsona and fluffy ships but this also is a sort of 'they all wish they where somewhere else, but are happy with eachother too' kind of thing which proabably doesnt make much sense bUT IT MAKES SENSE TO ME OK CSHHSHSHSH

https://open.spotify.com/track/1F9f5t7GZk7aJZNGZIbfqP?si=c653de10148f4de5 <- link because youre nuts if you think im attempting to type out morse code lockwood just being a pathetic simp. probably watching her dance in the kitchen, late at night when neither of them are supposed to be awake, admiring everything about her till he eventually joins in on the dancing, they dance together into early hours of the morning before she carries him (YEA SHE CARRIES HIM WHAT ABOUT IT) up the stairs to lockwoods room, where they sleep for the rest of the day :>

locked out of heaven - bruno mars Ik the song is relatively sexual but we arent going there dw. just more lockwood being a hopeless romantic and being wildly in love with lucy, lucy is his heaven and he wishes to be nowhere else but with her at all times.

teenage dream - katy perry yk i had too. again, theyre teenagers, they act like teenagers. probably the song playing in lucys/lockwoods head constantly because shes just so giddy about their silly teenage love.

answering machine - ruby haunt to much happiness, angst now. a song lucy had on repeat walking the streets of london early in the morning to get coffee after she had left lockwood and co. maybe even walking past portland row, missing it dearly. little does she know, lockwood sees her, he hasnt slept a bit since lucy left, he usually just stares out the window into the night. but one day, he sees her walking past. he doesnt get out of bed that morning.

sleep thru ur alarms - lontalius i said we where done with happiness. more lockwood mental health issues but this time its the aftermath. lucy sitting in her room after a particularly bad fight with lockwood that had turned into him collapsing in her arms. shes just thinking about everything he said.

the first punch - pierce the veil im gonna be honest i meant to take this one out but its just there now i got nothin im low on gas and you need a jacket - pierce the veil i think lucy just like this one idk

heart-shaped box - nirvana lockwood feeling awful about asking lucy for help, sitting in his room thinking about it.

safeword - tv girl lucy telling lockwood about her time in her old town. about her old home.

fine - lemon demon me when i have like 8 million songs abt them being teenagers doing silly teenager things.

chloroform girl - polkadot cadaver UR GONAN TRY AND TELL ME THIS ISNG LOCKWOODS MUSIC TASTE BE FUCKOING QUIET he likes this song :)

swear to god the devil made me do it - the front bottoms god tfb is just so lockwoodcore. its just so him i cant explain it you understnad me maybe hopefully

flying model rockets - the front bottoms HOHOHOHOHOHOHO so lockwood dont you think. dont. dont you think. please agree with me.

blondie - current joys more cozy library/morning vibes. maybe some soft domestic little kisses as a treat.

young - vacations back to the angst. more pining and mourning after lucy leaves hee hee.

pretty boy - the neighborhood HES A PRETTY BOY SHE THINKS HES A PRETTY BOY THEY ARE PRETTY TOGETHER I LOVE HTEM CRIES CRIES CRIES

pretty boy - tv girl be quiet ik they have the same name they are so drastically differnet vibes. something something lucy thinking shes not good enough for lockwood bc she grew up poor and he was a rich little bastard /aff. but yea late night angst

it almost worked - tv girl RRUUFUFU angst they are so sad sad little people lucy is a sad little lass in her tiny little town she will never get out sobs.

space song - beach house wails cries sobs screams them. i will not elaborate.

golden hour - JVKE oh my GODD lockwood is such a hopeless fucking simp. hes such a stupid hopeless little simp. for her and her only all he looks at is her shes the best thing ever shes so beautiful all he does is take her in. they are in love.

who is she - i monster he doesnt believe she exists. shes not real. shes in his dreams. hes having a breakdown :)

always forever - the cults back to happy!! they are in love!!! always forever!! they will be together forever!!!!

gilded lily - cults SOBS SCREAMS CRIES WAILS EATS THEM THEYRE JUST KDIS THEYRE FORCED TO DO THIS HORRIBLE JOB BUT HTEY ARE JUST CHOLDREN THEYRE JSJSUT KIDS DJFGHJHA

pretty when you cry - lana del rey god theyre so sad. george lucy comfort lockwood that is all thank you.

carmen - lana del rey oh deary. oh lockwood oh my poor bbg   

paper doll - flower face this is so lucy. shes a fragile paper doll and lockwood cares for her. but she feels like shes not enough she feels unworthy. lockwood is to good for her. 

 the night we met - lord huron OH MY GODDDD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD theyre so they mean so much to me im crying you understand i dont need to explain.

paper doll - flower face this is so lucy. shes a fragile paper doll and lockwood cares for her. but she feels like shes not enough she feels unworthy. lockwood is to good for her.

angela - flower face can you tell i like flower face. remember lockwood being a hopeless simp?? lucys turn!! lucys turn!!!!!!! shes so simp shes so simp but in such a sad way shes os in love with him but shes so worried he'll leave.

spiracle - flower face hee hoo hee hoo lockwood breakdown. more lockwood breakdowns, but this time its before he and lucy where together. its just him panicking late at night about his love for lucy, afraid he'll end up killing her with his love because nothing good comes from letting people in. 

jupiter - flower face THEY FEEL SO SAFE TOGETHER THEY ARE HOME TOGETHER THEY ARE EACHOTHERS HOME. lucys home is with lockwood and george at portland row :DDDDDD

small world - jack stauber cozy coffee run vibes ykyk domesticity

death cup - mom jeans 'i think its bout time i warned you i might cry in front of you' oh come ON thats so lockwood this entire song is just lockwood opening up to lucy.

legit tattoo gun - the front bottoms lockwood tfb agenda is spreading. 

insomniac - memo boy lockwood insomniac real hes so not sleep the dark circles are so visible im. emotionally unstable.

post to long. need part 2.

[spinningbuster98]

Super Castlevania IV Part 2: Is this really a remake?

I think everyone knows that, despite its title, Super Castlevania IV is not an actual sequel but rather a remake of the original Castlevania on NES.

In fact in Japan this game is simply known as Akumajou Dracula, the same title as that game in Japan. The 4 here was most likely added by Konami of America in order to sell this as a sequel to the NES trilogy in hopes of boosting sales.

But honestly: would you really have guessed that this was a remake without knowing about this info beforehand?

What does this game have in common with the original really? There’s Simon yeah sure. But he’s been given a slight redesign, now with a more greenish looking armor and brown hair. They could have named him like Jack Belmont or something and this would no longer be a remake because really the name Simon is the only thing truly tying this game to the NES original

We have completely new levels, not just these first few located outside the castle, even once you’re inside the levels are just completely different both in theme and structure

The bosses are mostly original

Even the music is about 97% new stuff, Vampire Killer is the only track returning from the original and it only plays during the first half of the final stage!

I find this aspect of the game interesting because nowadays we live in an age where videogame remakes are a dime a dozen and they very often are radically different from the originals, mainly because they serve as excuses from big companies to make a new game without having to make everything from scratch while also cashing in on the original games’ popularity, just look at all the Resident Evil Remakes!

And for as beloved as Super Castlevania IV is...it’s really no different in its approach. You can’t say it’s paying respect to the original when there’s barely any sign of it in the first place!

Really the only reason why I think people don’t make a fuss over this is because:

1) The original had pretty much no in-game story so this version runs no risk of pissing anyone off from that POV

2) It came out during a period where videogame remakes were a much rarer phenomenon so people don’t really view it in the same vein

3) It was a lot of people’s first Castlevania game or at least they grew up with it

In fact you could even argue that it’s not very faithful to the classic formula even from a gameplay perspective: after all this game completely alters the classic controls.

Now sue I know that everyone loves the multiple whip attacks and the controllable jumps...but it baffles me that everyone would consider it an undisputed improvement, implying that the previous controls were inherently broken.

Classicvania controls were designed to be like this in tandem with the level design. You could even argue that having to master these limited controls is a big part of the series’ identity at this point and I’m sure this is what the developers at the time thought too because no other game in the series will replicate IV’s controls: Rondo and Bloodlines at most give you some very limited directional whipping and the ability to stir your jumps only slightly along with the ability to jump on and off stairs, but never the complete package

By giving the player so much more control over the character you essentially take away not only a big chunck of the challenge but also some of the gameplay depth: where once you’d have to carefully maneuver around enemies in order to win now it’s usually just a metter of whipping them from whatever angle you are. Plus there’s also the fact that the crucifix subweapon has been made disgustingly broken: wanna win in Super Castlevania IV? Find the crucifix and then find the double and triple shot power ups. Congratulations now nothing save from instakill obstacles will stop you as these things absolutely melt enemies and even bosses!

Now personally I don’t really mind this too much because there’s still usually a certain degree of precision that you have to put into your whipping even with the multidirectional attacks and the platforming can still get tricky on the occasion, so i do still believe that the overall spirit of the classic is preserved here but in a new form

But it’s important to consider that it is indeed a new form, not simply some sort of natural evolution that is guaranteed to be faithful to the original. It is perfectly valid to be unhappy with how this game changes up the classic formula and it’s the main reason why I personally wouldn’t call this “the definitive version of Castlevania 1″, even though I still really like it, certainly more than the original

[1eos]

The thing about experimental groups like shinee is that not everyone is going to like what they put out and that's okay. I love them but i also didn't like the new song from what i heard so far it's simply not for me and i don't think sm is forcing that sound on them either they're just following the trends. I don't understand why shawols pull the experimental contemporary group card to force you to like whatever they put out people have music preferences and the fact that they keep trying new things is what makes their title tracks a hit or miss with people. For a fandom with such a superiority complex they definitely can't handle criticism and they find any negative opinion to be a personal attack on the group when it's not and that's why i stopped interacting with them as well. I also hate the styling for the song i'm convinced their hair stylists have a vendetta against Taemin because they keep putting the worst extensions on his head (On a side note the bsides are actually good from what i heard so far)

you're spitting truth! and its wild bc all the other experimental groups have had musical division for a while now and its never been a big thing? like there are ppl who really think vixx cute songs are the peak of their discography 😭😭😭😭 and then you have the red vs velvet fans who disagree then move on but bc shawols are so used to being in a bubble where everyone licks shinee's boots its making them fucking deranged. and its just not fun to engage w anything shinee bc the fans just suck ass so severely.

atp shawols are literally just armys w a better discography theyre being rabid over like you can't even praise other musicians alongside or instead of shinee without these emotional stunted idiots trying to 'clap back'.................................. and actually i was typing this i got an anon taking a personal opinion as a personal attack 😭😭😭😭 that superiority complex has warped it to where if u DARE enjoy anything not from the shinee overlords then you're delusional and stupid. its just suffocating.

shinee aren't perfect 😭😭😭😭😂 their current direction doesnt fit them, looks silly, and will not have the staying power of the GOOD MUSIC they did when sm wasn't just handing out nct reject music to everyone. oh and idk what taemin did to piss off the stylists but theyve been giving him the worst tracks ive ever seen not on a member of twice like oh my god.....................oh................my god..........and they won't stop. not just ONE bad sew in its been 2? 3? enough!!!!!!!!! enough!!!!!!!!!!

[narcolini]

tempting fate

oc: ava gomez x oc: sebastian (pre-in his shadow universe) 1772 words

mentions of canon typical violence

for day 23 of whumpril: bloodstains | smoke | sharing clothes

a/n: no because i feel so deranged LMAO ive chased this rabbit so far down the pissing hole, that its barely even fic anymore, but no one can stop me!!! theyre in the mayans universe still!! it counts!!

tagging: @hausofmamadas @cositapreciosa @drabbles-mc​ 

The first time she saw violence, real club violence, it was thanks to a hunting knife. Six inches long and imbedded in Gilly’s shoulder. She doesn’t remember who had even put it there, just that it had been an unexpected attack, because Ava was never around on days when Sebastian thought shit would go down. But she was there on that day, chatting with a newly promoted Sebastian—secretary at last—and a scrawnier version of the Angel she knows now. Too young and dumb to have become intimidating yet. They were mocking him about that, actually, the size of his arms compared to Seb’s, when the door swung open, and Coco and Gilly barrelled in.

Coco had a bruised eye by the time he got to the club, already purple and swelling from the punch he’d taken, and Gilly was managing better than Ava thought anyone could with a knife in their shoulder. He was upright, conscious, in enough pain to be pumped full of adrenaline and pissed about it. Blood down his shirt, over his stomach. He was swearing like he’d stood in dog shit, not dealing with a knife wound.

‘The fuck happened to you two?’ Angel asked, slouching with his beer still.

He didn’t seem anywhere near as alarmed as Ava was, nor did Sebastian, really, until she pointed a horrified look in his direction—and then he got it. Then he reacted as most people would.

‘Shit.’ He stood, put his drink down. Went to Gilly like he’d been intending to in the first place. ‘Here, you alright, bro? Sit down.’

If she wasn’t there, Ava can’t be sure that he would’ve helped at all. He might’ve left Gilly to pull the knife out for himself, to thread the stitches in too. All four men appeared to have the same approach: it was annoying, sure, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. Not the worst they’ve dealt with.

But it was new to her. They both knew that. It followed them afterwards, in the back seat of Sebastian’s car, lurked over their shoulders all the way from the club to her parents’ house.

She was never meant to see something like that. Was never meant to hold a man still while her boyfriend pulled the knife free, only a few inches from his heart. Was never supposed to get another person’s blood on the clothes she’d bought herself for Christmas. Sebastian had tried to avoid that, the best he could, for as long as he could. It made the failure personal, his fault and his alone. She could see him lacing it into his expression.

You fucked up, you didn’t protect her.

When he put the car in park, behind her dad’s, he said nothing. Just sat, and sighed, not looking at her. Not apologising, because he knew she wouldn’t have it here, just as she wouldn’t when he’d said it at the clubhouse. Not inviting her to leave either, because he didn’t want that anymore than she did. It was quiet for long enough that the interior light clicked off again, over their heads, putting them into darkness.  

Ava considered him, a shadow against the window. Sharp nose, sharp jaw, sharp regret in the stare he was pointing through the windshield. He’d beat himself up about this for a while. He never shook the guilt of it at all, really, because after that it only got worse. Guilt on top of guilt, on top of guilt. He only managed it better later on because he’d learned to ignore it.

‘You look like you need a cigarette,’ she said, opening the glove compartment to get one for him. He kept a box in there, because he’d quit, of course, and that was the only place his Mom wouldn’t look.

‘I'm good.’

But she already had one pinched between her lips, was already flicking a lighter beneath the end of it. Once it was burning, she passed it to him, and he took it without complaint. Even thanked her for it, putting it to his mouth like he’d never wanted anything more in his life. She watched him inhale, exhale, roll the window down to pour the smoke through the crack of it.

‘We gotta stop hanging at the club like that, Ava.’ The cigarette smoked by his head as he scratched a finger across his brow. ‘That shit can’t happen again,’ he said.

‘But it will.’ That was obvious.

He snuffed a breath through his nose. Took another drag. ‘Yeah, well, not while you’re there.’

They’d already tried that. It wasn’t supposed to happen that night, while she was there, but it did. They couldn’t avoid the unpredictable. They never would.

‘I’m fine,’ she said, meaning it. ��Like, yeah, it was really fucking surprising, and insane, sort of, but I’m fine.’

It wasn’t her that had been stabbed. Or anything close to the sort. She was as safe then as she had been that morning. For the most part, she’d been stood looking over Gilly’s face, talking to him about the last movie she’d seen, just to distract him.

‘Your clothes were covered in blood, nena.’ He threw a hand toward her, over the centre console. ‘You’re sitting there in my fucking gym gear.’

She looked down, toying with the hem over her lap. It was all he’d had in his trunk, a tee with the gym’s logo printed across its chest, and a pair of his shorts, tight on her where they weren’t on him. She couldn’t have gone home in what she was wearing before that. Bloodstains down the middle of her shirt, a swipe of red on her thigh from where she’d wiped her hands clean.

He hissed in another pull of cigarette smoke, head shaking. ‘Should never be like that.’

But it was, it is, she felt like screaming it into the footwell. ‘You’re acting like it’s your fault, Seb.’

‘You’re acting like it isn’t.’

‘Yeah,’ she scoffed, ‘cause you stabbed Gilly, didn’t you?’

‘Don’t.’ He turned to blow another cloud through the window. ‘You know as well as I do what this means.’

But she didn’t. It didn’t mean anything beyond people were fucked up, and people did fucked up things. ‘Honestly, I’ve no idea,’ she confessed, ‘I don’t know what you mean, baby.’ She brought a bent knee onto the seat so she could turn toward him, waiting for an answer. ‘That people hate dudes in motorcycle clubs?’

He rubbed his hand over his jaw, his mouth, down the stubble under his chin. Fingernails scratching, up and down over his throat. Fidgety in a way he never was. He wanted to say something, she could tell that, but she hadn’t learned how to draw it out of him yet. How to make him say what he was thinking with just a look. That was a skill that came with time, sharpened the longer she was with him.

‘What is it?’ she asked, reaching to curl his hair behind the ear she was facing.

‘You really gonna make me say it?’ He laughed, humourless, flicking a sideways look at her. It was nerves over anything else, pumped up until they played as arrogance. ‘You gonna make me dump myself?’

Her brows crumpled, lips tiling downwards as soon as he said it. ‘Dump you?’

The cigarette was down to his knuckles now, spent and unfulfilling. It hadn’t stripped any of the stress from him, not that she could tell, had just given him something else to look annoyed with. He flicked it out the crack before shrugging, and shaking an answer into his mouth.

‘What? You really gonna tell me you don’t want that? After seeing all that?’

‘Yeah, what, I can’t believe you’d even…?’ She was looking at him like he was a stranger, someone else in the clothes, the height. ‘Is that what you’ve been thinking this whole time? That I was going to tell you I don’t want to be with you anymore?’

His jaw tightened. He nodded.

‘Seb.’ She said it like a sigh, looked at him like he’d broken her heart. ‘Why would I?’

He didn’t hesitate; he already had the reasons, laid out and scrutinised. ‘Cause you’re way to good for this shit, Ava. You’re too nice.’

She could read between the lines easy enough. She was too nice, too good, and he was the opposite.

‘For most people,’ he said, ‘this would be he limit, y’know?’

‘Well, I’m not most people, then.’

‘You sure?’

She stared at him. He expected her to change her mind, just from the arch of his brow. ‘It’s starting to sound like you’re the one dumping me,’ she said, only half joking.

That got his attention, full and commanding at last. He looked to her quickly, frowning, and reached across the car to hold her cheek, her neck. ‘Shit. That’s not.’ He was scared, then, just for a moment. Internally reeling back through everything he’d said. ‘I didn’t mean—’

She smiled. ‘I know, Seb.’

‘Sorry.’ He looked guiltier than he had before, sinking into himself with the implications he never meant to give. ‘Got in my own fucking head again.’

‘I know,’ she repeated, still speaking through a smile. It was easy now she knew what he’d been thinking about. What was lurking in the dark around them—how ridiculous it was, how unlikely. ‘Look, if this is what you come with, then I guess I’ll have to deal with it, won’t I?’ she said, tugging his hand down until it was sitting on her knee, entwined with her own. ‘I’m way beyond jumping ship, chulo.’

He laughed in a way that sounded more like a release of held breath. All relief, tobacco, and her boyfriend back as he should be. ‘Where did I find you?’ he asked, leaning across to kiss her. ‘Luckiest catch of my life.’

She hummed into his lips, like she had a real answer to give him.

‘But you gotta work with me,’ he said, pulling back again. ‘I don’t—can’t—have you around that shit again. Seeing you with that blood…’ His head shook. ‘We gotta make sure that doesn’t happen anymore.’

‘Okay, we’ll try,’ she told him, holding a smirk behind the words. ‘I promise to never willingly see a bleeding Mayan ever again.’

It was easy to say and impossible to keep. But that’s how it was destined to be, wasn’t it? That’s the deal she bought into. Too late to jump ship then, in the dark outside  of her parents house, and too late now, too. Standing on the edge still.

[mithliya]

This in regards to the, western radfems who don't want to stop dating men thing. Hi, I'm an European radfem so pretty privileged. And I'm also pretty sure I'm solely SSA, and even if not then I'm at least very far right on the Kinsey scale.

I remember that when I thought I was bi and I had just broken up with my then-boyfriend, I decided to stop dating altogether. Over the years I had horrible experiences with men. From rape, to just... well, you know what I mean. That last boyfriend traumatised me so much that I swore off dating *everyone.* Despite me thinking I was bi at the time. Eventually I came out as a lesbian after some soul-searching, but...

I'm sorry, but seeing this discourse and seeing OSA radfems throwing these temper tantrums gives me a goddamn headache. How can you not realise how privileged you are? Non-westwern radfems do not have the privilege to give these men the benefit of the doubt, they are going through literal hell. And the moment they dare to talk about it, there is such backlash. And what I can only describe as a temper tantrum. You can't claim you want to get rid of the patriarchy, but then turn around and do this. Being anti-porn, anti-kink, anti-beauty industry and gender critical doesn't make you a radfem if you also aren't prepared to make hard choices and put the lives of women above your desire to have a boyfriend.

I firmly believe that they are still stuck in this patriarchal idea of what a family is, and that women can't find fulfilment without a man. Even if I woke up tomorrow, or even a few years from now realised I was bi, I still wouldn't date a man because the chance that he's going to be decent is basically none. I would also swear off dating women if it meant little girls in another part of the world would never have to go through another forced marriage, rape, or FGM.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to speak over you or other non-western radfems. This is just making me emotional and so angry.

i will disagree partially that they like Need to practice separatism otherwise they're neglecting the lives of other women, however i do think that at the very least they should consider not sitting there actively discouraging other OSA women from separatism, attacking separatists, and even being racist to eastern women for practicing separatism. the bar is very low i know but like please... at the v least do that!! ive even seen some of them insult febfems and call them self-hating for not wanting to date men & for exclusively dating women (esp if theyre lke that for separatist reasons). its baffling to me.

i can understand the difficulty to personally practice separatism. i can understand it being a big ask for especially heterosexual women. but sitting there shaming other heterosexual and OSA women for being separatists and discouraging other women from pursuing separatism etc is like. antithetical to radical feminism to me

[anonymus7277272626672]

the falling part of the rollercoaster

A year ago i was miserable, completely and utterly miserable and i had planned my suicide for years i was self harming every day and i hated myself more than any other emotion, i wasnt myself anymore i was a rotting peel of what i couldve been. i was doing so bad and every day i encountered a new low. But then i found a friend, i found love and i truly truly foudn love in her, she has been a beacon of hope ever since she truly saved my life but not only that but she planted hope in my again, she quite literally saved me from my depression just from existing. Then the first tragedy struck, i was down 40 kgs (i was 140 before and after getting out of my depression i focused on that a lot), i was taking a gap semester before going to college and i was cured of my depression and was on my journey, my dog died and it felt like a punch to the stomach, like if mmike tyson went berserk and hit me with all his power. for almost a month i cried and i little by little started to realize i could deal with it i could learn from it and take it as a jumping pad to grow to be a better person. Then my dad died, november 24 2022, everything i had worked so hard to build was destroyed, at 19 and very unexperienced and with a very incomplete relationship with my dad and at the most unexpected moment and time with no warning my father died, a few months prior i had decided to keep distance from him cause i was scared of whatever ive always been afraid of, i miss him so much and even after all these months and trying so hard i always get back to step one ¨hes not proud of me and he wasnt and i have completely let him down¨ and ¨its all my fault¨ i hate how i feel about this and i hate he died and no one can understand the pain and the emotions i feel, no one not even therapists or friends whove lost parents no one understands it and i hate it so much. Then my other dog died and i just couldnt, i had one of the worst anxiety attacks ive ever had and i was with my girlfriend of 5 years at the time i was told and she didnt seem like she cared about that or anything else that was going on with me and i had never felt so alone, my two dogs had been with me for 14 years and i loved them so much and now i lost them both. Then a bit later my girlfriend of 5 years left me, plain and simple didnt love me anymore, she didnt really care for me anymore i could tell and she broke me truly, cause her goodbye kind of signified a true change in my life because now i would truly realize i was alone, she had someone else already and i was the luckiest motherfucker to have her and i never did deserve her but yeah she left me alone and i begged her to stay at first then garnered all my strength and said ¨if that is truly how you feel then i wont ask you to stay, i just hope you have the best life¨, lifes been hard all by myself. She left me on the first week or so of my first semester in university and through the first six months i was truly alone, i made no friends and lost most of them so i was genuienly deeply lonely with no one to care about me or for me so i just suffered and cried alone mostly. Then i was shot at twice (they didnt hit me but it hit me very deep cause it was clsoe to my home and i almost died right outside my house if not for a bush i hid in) and the next day i was sexually harassed and that traumatized me horribly to the point i almost panic everytime a man of similar age speaks to me or when someone wears a red jacket and some words are also pretty big triggers. Then i lost my tortoise jojo (she died because of a parasite) who had been one of my closest beings since the pandemic started and she accompanied me through everything and she died as well. It is now summer and im holding on but i feel myself falling over and over again and standing back up if anything seems harder and harder with every time. i wish i could write more in depth about eveyrhting and i might but not at this hour. if you read this thank you for it i appreciate it and i hope you have a wonderful life.

[violentviolette]

Do you have any cannibalism anime recommendations? Whether it’s cannibalism as a romance or cannibalism as monstrosity.

not really, there's not a lot of good cannibal anime content tbh

the big ones everyone recommends are attack on titan which i cant fucking stand like im sorry its a shitty bad anime and if its ur fav u have literally no taste. ive never met an aot fan i didnt hate. then tokyo ghoul, which the manga is amazing but i hear the anime is a blasphemous hot mess and not really worth the watch. and then parasite, which ive heard is good but isnt my cup of tea personally. after that there's not much else by way of like, cannibalism being a main driving plot point

honestly tho even tho it's only a footnote in the main plot one of my favorite depictions of cannibalism is Soul Eater. i think Asura's cannibalism and the implications of eating ones own weapon are absolutely insane like that shit drives me feral. spoilers for soul eater under the cut cause i gotta gush about it

the implications of a miester fearing their weapon so much they decide to become one with them juxtiposed against a miester who trusts their weapon so much they become one with them. Asura eats vajra out of paranoia, thinking if they become one asura can control vajra completely so he never hurts or turns against him, but this only leaves him more alone, driving him deeper into madness and fear and isolation, it's completely misguided and ultimately what makes him a kishin. it is the pinnacle of monstrosity, to consume ones own weapon is to tip over the point of no return and lost the last dregs of ur humanity

juxtiposed against maka and soul, their blood intertwining and them becomming one is instead now an act of pure trust, it brings them together to act as one, instead of isolating either of them via subjugation. neither is more in control than the other, maka doesnt eat soul, she doesnt have to. the enter eachother and mix themselves together as equals. it's an act of devotion. maka trusts soul with her life and soul loves maka with every ounce of his. she never becomes lost in the madness because he grounds her and keeps her tethered to their reality. they dance in sync, their blood mixes together, they fight as onw

which isnt even getting into chrona and ragnarok which frankly is its own dissertation lmfaooo

anyway yea watch soul eater its amazing LOL