#ive just got so much anger
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
12.7% of mobile users access Tumblr.
Text
and as much as id wanted, time won't make me forgive you, because it's like the minute's hand weeps over my rage, and the hour's hand infuriates my grief.
#ive just got so much anger#and it battles the sadness#dysfunctional household#hopecore#dysfunctional family#healing#love#affection#vent#dysfunctional parents#hopefully#parents#mommy issues#mommy#mother#my mother was my undoing#well get better#ill be better#youll be better#anger#sadness#furious#grief
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way
#a little creature#sometimes i look at the way i want marcille to be the closest thing hes ever had to a girlfriend but in a 100% platonic way and im like#is this what they mean by queerplatonic or have i just never had a dude best friend who wasnt like. a super fruity gay twink#anyway its gonna be as hard on him as it is for us bc he loves them both so much#the most important women in his life bar none#marcille probably slapped him when she got back tho. like she just saw his face and all the misdirected anger at him 'taking falin' just#rose up and burst again#its ok tho. you know she immediately broke down crying in his arms again blubbering incoherently bc she felt bad but also shes still mad#and she just doesnt know what to do with herself#the hardest part about this fic is that like. there are SO many juicy things going on offscreen#but. i have to breathe deep and keep calm and let them happen out of falin's POV#the ryoko kui method. what happens in the story happens and what happens outside can be explored in extras if need be#edit: also just figured out why ive been chafing a *little* bit against ppl assuming that it's the fear of falin dying that motivated#marcille's denial of her feelings so far#bc it's technically true but something just didn't sit right and i didn't wanna say anything until i figured it out#in little creature she has in part already realized that falin's passing is going to hurt no matter what she does right now#bc she's already passed the threshold of preemptive grief and sealed her own fate by how much she cares about falin#so it's not really... about that as much as it would have been during the canon story#it's just that. to acknowledge that she has romantic feelings for falin means recontextualizing their relationship in a way where#she has been the one hopelessly chasing while falin didn't realize/ignored her for the most part#and she couldnt allow that to be true both bc she couldnt bear to make falin the 'villain' in her love story#and bc she subconsciously knew the scope of pain would be too much for her to handle#so now my problem is. how do i make that clear in the fic from falin's POV without getting too heavy handed about it
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
x
#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Shoutout to all the blogs that, during the 2 year RWBY hiatus, gained followers from posting about other fandoms and are now charging up all the stored rwbyrot theyre about to nuke down like an eldritch blast once volume 9 drops
ITS ME, IM ‘BLOGS’!!!
No seriously, I gained quite a few followers during my Wenclair Era, and don’t get me wrong I still adore Wenclair to absolute pieces, but RWBY has been a special hyperfixation of mine fer YEARS. It’s been an interest that hibernates on and off during hiatuses but nothing has ever latched onto my psyche so deeply as RWBY has with all of its faults and good parts alike. Once Feb 18 drops, I swear to you I will be the most obnoxious person e v e r like I will be rwbyrotting so hard I will SCREAM and CRY and HOLLER about Bumbleby and Whiterose and my babygirl Ruby finally finally finally getting some fresh hot juicy character development but I’ve missed all of the girls in general and!!! Just about everything about V9 so like. Prepare yourself fer my true form.
#i havent been an active posters since a few months ago but yes ive been enjoying rwby tumblr fer YEARSSS now#so get ready to witness my descent into madness oh rwby how I love you so#oh rwby… how u sometimes rlly suck and yet. and yet i can never let go.#im also excited to see renora struggle with losing yet ANOTHER team jnpr member my god theyre gonna be such shambles#winter scnhee <3333 my babygirl i need need NEED more content of her gods new winter maiden now bearing so much grief and anger#in vacuo we’ll be seeing seamonkeys n team cvfy!!!#POTENTIAL CROSSHARES MOMENTS R E A L….#i need the cool new vacuo fits fer those guys ommmggg#ALSO POTENIAL SCHNEEWOOD FOREST MOMENTS#LET ROBYN N WINTER KISS YOU COWARDS#also Robyn’s n Qrow’s friendship is S O important to me please i love it so much i need more#still got my fingers crossed fer Ever After connecting u to the people youve lost#like Neo to Rowan#Jaune to Pyrrha#AND RUBY (plus Yang!) TO SUMMER PLEASEEE#EVEN IF ITS A TWO MINUTE MOMENT JUST GIVE ME MORE SUMMER CONTENT#ok ok enough tag spamming teehee#wenclair#why not u know?#bumbleby#bumbleby bumblebabes#whiterose#yang xiao long#blake bellodona#weiss schnee#ruby rose#rwby volume 9#rwby
71 notes
·
View notes
Text
"this wulf fellow has choice language"
#artluli#tf2#i dont really like how this turned out its really bad#added shading to try and make it better but it looks worse but i guess ill post it anyway i suppose#if youre wondering why im sweating its because im terrified of playing online multiplayer games#that might sound weirdly specific but dude it gives me so so so much anxiety#ive been wanting to play more but i cant bring myself to do it because im too scared#“scared of what skaluli” the people and how well i perform#i would rather play a horror game because that shit doesnt scare me as much as fearing judgement of the people i play with because im shit#i know i shouldnt care what other people think and should just try and have fun but god this shit is scary#before anyone says anything i turned off voice chat straight away when i downloaded it thank god thats an option#but even without hearing their voices i feel like i can still hear their thoughts and judgement and anger#it took hours of trying to convince myself and then someone else telling me ill be okay just to play the game for a little bit#and when i got to leave i felt like i was having a fucking anxiety attack#anyway i really like this game but im way too scared to play it! which is fucking stupid that thats even a reason
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#just me rambling#badvibe#god. i feel so let down by my friends these days#it's been a billion things piling up for many many weeks#and right now i just got told by a friend with whom I was supposed to go to a convention that she forgot I was coming#so she won't be able to pick me up cuz she's going with her mom instead#we made plans for visiting that city in the morning before going to the convention and all.#i put it down in my agenda and moved plans around to accomodate for it. but she straight up...#entirely forgot i was supposed to be there#she forgot about me#and i'm SO. FUCKING DONE. ABOUT BEING AN AFTERTHOUGHT ALL THE FUCKING TIME#this is just too fucking much. between this and my childhood friend who acts distant w me ever since there was a dumbass quiproquo#where i have to fucking work hard everytime at creating a good atmosphere whenever we see each other cuz she wont put in that effort#and another friend who's been utterly ignoring me on purpose for some fucking goddamn reason i don't know why or what i did#ignoring me or being rude other times#all of those are just examples but its been so many things#i have been. SO fucking patient with everyone. ive helped them so many times too- sometimes to my own loss#i've been so kind and understanding despite my personal struggles - keeping my feelings of anger and injustice at bay#and i get what in response? i'm fucking. forgotten i guess. pushed aside. treated like a nuisance#i feel like its at the point where the closer they are to me the less effort they put in. cuz i'm a given now. they can treat me like shit#they treat strangers better than their close friend cuz they know i'll just take it. or smth. i'm a punching ball for bad moods#i'm done being the understanding one. what about that. what if others were the ones having to come to me and be kind instead#what if i was the one people coddled and offered sympathy to for once in my fucking life#idk. just fucking explode#i feel so disrespected. and uncared for#and so deeply unloved#i'm done. i'm done#the convention thing was just the fucking hammer to break my back after everything#i'm so deeply heartbroken#do i matter to the people i care about
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
ohhhb venting...
#its getting bad again!#and i don't know how to talk about any of it#my brains main thoughts throughout the day are 'im going to fucking throw up' and 'i should kill myself'#the anxiety has been giving me legitimate chest pains lately (i think its the anxiety)#and i cant lie down to sleep without my brain going all ballistic and self deprecating#i relapsed sh again and i fucking hate it because i was almost a year clean#it got so bad my brother dmed me asking if im okay#i have to be positiveee this is a manic depressive episodeee i wont do anything permanent#i feel like im gonna throw up. and kill myself. i wont. but oh my fucking god i thought i was over this#i dont know what to tell my brother like do i admit im fucking losing my mind or do i try and keep it palatable.#like 'yeah ive been uhh convincing myself not to walk into the street on the way home wbu'#what even is there to say#i feel like im too much for what im worth#people care about me and it only makes their lives harder#people have problems and theyre all my fault#i wish i could just not exist. even if for a short period pf time#i feel like im bringing more stress and anger into this world than the good things that come of me#i feel like everyone that gives me a chance is going to end up hating me#i feel like everyone that loves me will only see who i really am and end up resenting me#i feel like i cant breathe without ruining something good for someone#im sorry#i dont think ill ever feel like im truly doing okay
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Honestly why am I fucking Like This
#speculation nation#im still overcompensating i know#i got the everliving shit scared outta me and had one of the most humiliating days of my life#and ive been working so hard on being Useful that i have been. putting in a Lot of extra hours...#i didnt Have to do all of this today. i stayed late to do it. 1.5 hours of active lifting the Entire Time#plus some work with counting and general managerial stuff#so that i stayed 2 hours and 20 mins over my 5 hour shift#and im just like. in the moment i was just so bothered by how disorganized everything was#i couldnt find where the Fucking lids were. ended up they were buried under a bunch of other stuff.#so i dug them out. reorganized. did a Ton of lifting.#like... uhmmm. 9 large boxes 7 regular boxes 4 straws 10 sippy lids and 31 dome lids#boxes. all boxes.#oh yeah and 8 paper bag boxes. plus general rearranging.#none of the lids were in one place and all the cups boxes were on top of the other boxes#so i had to pull them out to dig things out then put them back in#the good news is the lids boxes were pretty light. cup boxes not so much.#but thats still. kind of an insane number when i think about it.#i didnt NEED to do this. but i did anyways. because im a neurotic prey animal working desperately to keep the anger away from me#wahoooooo#it's... fine. it feels good to be productive. im just feeling... a bit fed up with myself.#my hip has already been bothering me today bc there always has to be Something wrong with my body#and then i went and did This. who knows what fucking unpleasant side effects this is gonna have on me.#sore muscles probably. maybe bruises. and MAYBE ill fuck my back or ankles up again. or make my hip worse. or#whatever.#it's fine. i'll be fine. im gonna go home and eat dinner and... chill. im gonna chill.#just. ugh.#but im clocked out at least. and i have tomorrow off. i'll make sure it's a good one.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
im not having a certified Misophonia Moment im just feeling a bit lonely about it rn
#theres always this nagging insecurity in me thats like. oh maybe its not real and im just faking it to be a jackass#bc i see so few people ever talk about it or how to cope with it#what actually prompted this was an ad on instagram like advertising these ear things for ppl with misophonia#and it just hit me really quickly like. i think thats the first time ive seen someone try to advertise an aid for it?#or just use the term misophonia#idk its like. validating but its also got me kinda sad#i feel like part of it is like the intrusive thoughts? idk if its appropriate to apply that term here#but like misophonia is legitimately agonizing and puts the worst kinda of thoughts in my brain i feel horrified at later#abd i get really heated actually trying to talk about it#so theres a lot of anger and desperation around the topic and i worry abt getting dismissed at best or demonized at worst#and thats not me putting the blame on us i just wonder like. how much people decide we’re not worth acknowledging over that#echoed voice
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
How do you call it when you want to sigh deeply but in a pleasant way but also scream and slam the wall at the same time but also you generally feel good but like STUFF STILL BUGS YOU and there are alot of intrusive memories and bad people you want to literally turn into paste but also you already came to terms that they’re nobodies and my life looks so much better now without their garbage presence and i’ve been super productive too??? finishing two wonderful sculptures and commission work and had a gorgeous meal with my wonderful partner AND THE DAY WAS WONDERFUL BUT IT STILL FEELS BITTERSWEET AND I STILL WANT TO AHGHFGGGHHHHHH
#being mentally ill //laughs weakly//#i think im just emotionally overwhelmed again because there has been alot of good/bad mishmash stuff#Mostly good but the bad is really...sticky and persistant#Ronkey posts#I keep thinking about the past and it pisses me off so badly that i find myself arguing with my brain for hours#getting angrier and angrier at people I literally dont want to give two shits about and then angrier at myself for not doing the right thing#to spare myself the heartache at that time#and then getting even MORE PISSED OFF realizing at what a position they put my life in that I need to now deal with in the present self and#just pointless anger loop#that literally does nothing but make my headspace volatile and worse when i try to take my time just...live my day normally and pleasantly#ive had alot of good things happen today#i dont need this noise#sucks that my brain insists on leaving the uneasiness but ill find a way to cope with it ;;#im just glad that i got to do alot of really cool stuff today and probably tomorrow too#taking things at my own time and pace did so much good and im gonna continue with the energy flow no matter what shit#tries to cloud my brain#wanted to vent out about ;_; Thank you friends
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i hate my neighbour so much#i know its bad cause she's got mental health issues but im so fucking fed up of the constant noise#and i don't want to say to her her radio is too loud at night (again) cause she has anger issues and whenever she's manic she harrasses me#even though the last time i asked her to turn her radio down was 2 years ago#and i never ask her to keep it down during the day despite her constantly playing piano/violin/radio#like im not exaggerating#every hour between 8am-11pm she's playing one of those things#and even on quiet nights sometimes she snores#ive tried ear plugs and headphones but they hurt after a while#and ive tried white noise but it has to be so loud to drown it out i never sleep well#i just want to be able to come home and have a but of peace#sometimes i consider moving but my flat is so nice and ive put so much effort into the garden#(which she threw 2 of my plant pots over the wall last time she was manic hence why i don't want to get into conflict with her)#and i know id never find a nice flat in this good a location again#ugh#vent
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#bleh. dont burn yourself out kids#everything ive been a part of for the last 4 years in this lab has to b published eventually#and i just had my 1st paper published. probably the most interesting thing i worked on and how do i feel abt this? i dont feel anything#but bitterness. every congratulations i hear i just wanna say fuck off. dont encourage this. do u kno what i did to make that data exist#as u see it? i mangled something within myself beyond repair. enjoy the information if u want but i wont#all i see is a symptom of an illness im doing nothing to treat#everything i did in this lab will be seeped in anger and pain#it has to change. i wont let it be the same in my next lab. no more fucking timed experiments#i cannot b trusted to b normal abt them#ugh. i just feel bad bc i finished my measurements for the week and i have a 2 day lul until i leave on vacation#and i kno i have to get 3 heavy instruments to fedex tomorrow bc i didnt do it today#sigh. i csnt focus. i spent so much time today tryint to remember what im supposed to b doing. then i made myself mad writing out the#hypnoses for an experiment i didnt fuckinf design and i dont care abt. like y did we do this? idk i just fucking do what u tell me#maybe ill go run again. i dont wanna do anything#my dad yesterday: ready for vacation? me: yea 😭😭😭😭😭#just gotta not crash my car on the drive to the airport bc i have to drive myself there 🙃#unrelated#i hope the instrument manufacturers appreciate the unicorn tape i got specificly for shipping those things#bc how could i not when given the option?
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
The monk is SO tired. Let him rest.
#this journey's off to a GREAT start#Tripitaka: Ive been oscillating between anger and bone deep viseral terror so much that im starting to become numb#Wukong: Ive protected my master!#Random villager: youve ruined a perfectly good monk is what you did. look at it. its got anxiety.#jttw#jttw au#journey to the west#jttw wukong#jttw tripitaka#BrokenHeadacheHat au#markers#trying to figure out how to edit these pics so the colors look good is hard#cause my markers are really bright#but when you scan something it washes it out a little#but if u just raise the brightness it get eye bleedy really fast#so with this one and the last one i went for a darker but still really saturated compromise#i think on the next one im planning to post i went the other way#brighter but less saturated than the actual markers
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#ibs flare up lets goooooooo#im in so much pain rn 🙃#kinda wanna die#not litterally#i just dont want to live through this current moment#im generally a rational person but im in so much pain that im genuinely considering hypnotherepy#only if i can get it in the form of a youtube video though#ugh why cant tums just work#i feel like i cant do anything other then curl up in a corner hoping i dont throw up#i dont even think it is from anything i ate.#ive been very careful and when i have eaten fructan foods ive made sure to take my pills#maybe i just got a little too stressed?#that doesnt make sense either though. ive been in a good mood all day#maybe stress isnt defined by fear and anger though#like i have been very hyper and energetic today so maybe that was a manifestation of my stress?#i need to do more research on that i guess
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
ohoho you have opened the gates of hell... (you dont have to reply to this btw!! im just spouting hcs at you via ask to stay anonymous heehoo)
so i think aoki realized he was a guy when he was pretty young, was very insistant on it, and the dilf arakawa was fine with it ofc he just wanted his kid to be happy (sawashiro didnt really understand it at first but was never shitty about it.) he probably started hrt pretty young (clearly didnt learn much about syringe safety though). at some point ichiban finds out and hes supportive as hell but he also doesnt know that much so he is like a little over the top but its okay because he just wants to let his brother know people support him!! not that the bitchboy really appriciates it. aoki binds, probably for unhealthy long amounts of time despite his family's protests, and eventually gets top surgery when he goes to america for his other treatments. also as a trans daigo truther, i like to believe they bonded over that :)
im taking notes in my funny little spiral notebook and im ripping the page out and sticking it to my brain because this will surely be a surprise tool to help us later
#snap chats#of COURSE arapapa's ok with his kid being trans of gender !! he just wants his son to be happy !!!!#ok but ichi 1000% would be The Ally you know what i mean. just gets out a megaphone to tell you how cool his BROTHER is#yeah that kind the Lowkey Annoying And Embarrassing kind but its ichi so we're letting it fly#bruh i know sawashiro would break into a CVS to get his boy his juice#ngl ive thought of masato not being able to bind due to his lungs and that adding fuel to his anger#but i can equally see him harming himself if it meant passing <-- speaks from experience#RAHH i could prob talk bout trans aoki all day if prompted theres just so many things that work with him#honestly this is such an ironic/funny/awkward time for me to be talkin bout the arakawa family lovin and supportin masato#since i just got kicked out because my mom Was Not supportive BUT HEY#thats probably why its fun to hc aoki as trans cause at least he can get all the love and support amirite#even if he's an asshole and doesnt appreciate it you BITCH YOU HAVE IT SO GOOD#ive spoken too much#BUT KNOW I'LL BE THINKIN ALL NIGHT. as i redo the ending to Y7 because steam HATES ME
3 notes
·
View notes