#ive had it all my life and it doesnt help with how i think ppl percieve n judge me i feel so gross all the time

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[lemongogo]

i need 2 stop drawing static stuff . white bg . front facing pose. <will do it again

[phagodyke]

aouuugh my uterus......

[path0logicalfacade]

one of the things i sort of regret is telling ppl i know that dont have ed that i do have it.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for inviting my cousin to an LGBT meet up?

Cw: mentions of suicide and transphobia

I (18M) am a trans man and my cousin N (21F) is a lesbian who is very masc presenting. We're the only queer cousins in the family (at least in our generation) so weve always been good friends and shes been one of the biggest supporters of my transition, defended me from bigoted family members and always corrected family when they used my deadname/old pronouns. I lowkey hoped she would come out as a trans man or nonbinary as well. We dress in the same style which makes it so when were hanging out together one of us is gonna get misgendered since people asume both of us are trans men or masc girls. When N is the one being misgendered she doesnt bother fighting it since its more trouble than its worth but looking back i think it really annoyed her.

Earlier this year N was severely struggling with her mental health. I apologize for the wording i may have since i dont know the proper terminology for this stuff or any specific disorder diagnosis she may have (other than autism). She was having some sort of manic or depressive episode. She was dead set on pushing people away and making them hate her so she could take her own life without regrets.

I visited N once to give her my support during a struggling time but i stupidly told her there was nothing she could say that would push me away. She told me not to test her but i kept pushing it and i admit what happened next was my fault. She told me in a very cold voice that she was a terf, though that she didnt want me dead but that "we" (im guessing she meant trans ppl) made it so much harder for her to exist(???????). I didnt let her keep talking just and left her room, said my goodbyes to her family and just cried while driving home.

Im still not sure if she meant it or if it was part of her mental episode and just a way for her to hurt me and push me away. On one hand ig it explains some of her behavior? N sometimes complained when she got asked for her pronouns or being misgendered like I mentioned before. On the other hand, I gen do not believe she has been a terf all along esp with how supportive shes been of me. If she was a terf youd think she would try to subtly talk me out of it, but that has never happened. My friends have nicknamed her schrodinger's terf lol

Anyway, i went no contact with N for a few months for my own wellbeing. During this time i heard that she tried to kill herself a few times, which got her into a mental hospital. She was given higher doses of meds and seems to be doing way better.

We had a family reunion this week and i decided to approach her. N seemed a little hesitant to talk to me but stayed polite. I tried testing her and talked about the effects T has been having on me but she acted like she always had and congratulated me and even complimented me on how deep my voice has gotten. I wasnt satisfied cause i wanted an apology for what she had said to me so i pushed it more. She did end up apologzing but it was a very surface level apology. At this point i didnt want to keep pushing in case it set her off again so i just took her apology (plus i wanted my best cousin back) and spent the rest of the day hanging out with her.

On the way home my mom said she was happy me and N had made up and that i should invite her to the lgbt club meetings Ive been going to this year. It seemed like a good idea to me, she lost a few friends during her episode and she could make more queer friends here. If N is trans and just in denial it could help her get the resources she needs to feel comfortable coning out. If N IS a terf maybe having more positive interactions with trans ppl could change her mind on it. Overall i thought it would be a win for her.

I brought it up to my friends and some of them blew up at me. Their argument was that itd be exposing the other trans ppl in the group to a terf and putting them in danger. I truly hadnt considered this angle so im kinda conflicted now. She had never felt like an unsafe person before and now that her episode is over she feels normal again. Even if she is a terf i dont think she could actually cause harm? I want N to get better but i dont want to put my trans friends at risk.

So tumblr, WIBTA for inviting N to my lgbt meet up?

What are these acronyms?

[liverpool-enjoyer]

hey yall forewarning this is easily the most embarrassing post ive ever made on here. like im not talking normal levels of tumblr cringe/oversharing, i mean youre probly gonna judge me and think somethings genuinely wrong with me. but i really need to get it off my chest so. yolo.

also tldr at the end in case you wanna spare yourself lmao.

mkay so recently i havent been online, because ive been really sad. and the reason im sad is that gavi got a girlfriend. which i realize is probly the stupidest and most juvenile thing to be sad over but hear me out (or dont lmao its a free country do whatever you want).

its not like i ever thought i had a chance with him or anything, im not stupid. but ive known for a very long time that, due to my asexuality (and other things but mostly that), i am never going to have love in my life. so for me, daydreaming and fantasizing about being gavis girlfriend was like,,, how i coped, i guess. it was a form of escapism for me. and now i cant do that anymore bc hes someones boyfriend and fantasizing abt another girls boyfriend just feels wrong. and pathetic.

it doesnt help that all my social medias have algorithmed so that hes all over all my feeds. and to be honest, looking at him just makes me think of his beautiful girlfriend who has everything i could ever want and i feel this horrible awful nauseating feeling in my stomach and i feel envious and sad and a slew of other things. it sucks that someone who once unknowingly made me so happy now does the exact opposite but hey what can you do.

i know it sounds stupid, but i dont think i'll ever feel for someone the way i feel about him. hes the most beautiful person ive ever laid eyes on and oh God i was right this does sound stupid ok lets continue

oh and let me be clear (you hafta read that in obamas voice) im aware that feeling this way toward a complete stranger (or anyone for that matter, but like especially a complete stranger) is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY. unfortunately, knowing that my feelings and thoughts are unhealthy doesnt stop me from having them.

so yeah. now that ive lost my form of escapism, all i can think about at any given moment is how lonely im going to be. its hard to enjoy much of anything these days when all im thinking about is how im never going to receive romantic love, and now i cant even daydream about dating gavi to cope with it. because all i can think about when i try to is how hard his girlfriend would laugh if she found out some pathetic worm halfway across the world was fantasizing about her man.

so yeah thats it. i know that every time i angst abt my asexuality (which is a LOT like holy shit why do ppl still follow me), my friends tell me that its ok because im going to find someone someday. and i appreciate it, i really do. it means the world. but my friends saying that i'll find love doesnt make it true. plenty of people have died alone and unloved before, and i am going to be one of them.

tldr: a guy ive never met got a girlfriend n im having a depressive episode abt it LMAOOOO

[the-pea-and-the-sun]

how did it take me so long to start calling myself aromantic/arospec. like now that ive actually started using the term for myself its so crazy to me that i wasnt using this term since the first time i heard about it. i literally remember like almost a year ago being like "i wish i could just call myself aromantic itd just be a way easier way to explain to people the sort of relationships i want since im interested in sex and really close friendships but not really interested in traditional romantic relationships right now" like my brother you CAN?? jesus fuck. like this thought came aftera series of relationships where i would tell my friends that i had a crush on someone, then the relationship progressed in someway, then i got the sense that the person i was interested in had romantic feelings for me and id get this weird horrible feeling and would run away. and i was literally like "what is this whats going on". i was like woah this must be like.... commitment issues or something. like i was going around telling people that. i was getting over commitment issues that were surely temporary. but they werent asking me to commit to anything they just had feelings for me that i couldnt reciprocate bcz i was just attracted to them and wanted to me friends with them and i thought thats what romantic attraction was. i literally remember telling someone abt someone i liked an they were like "why dont u ask them out?" an my answer was just that i was trying to find reasons not to and i couldnt. cuz i was attracted to them and liked spending time with them and liked being their friend but i was so so happy not being in a romantic relationship anymore and i couldnt shake the feeling that if i got into another one even with the perfect person it was literally gonna ruin my life and i would have to pretend to have feelings that i didnt have.

idk im frustrated that i hadnt considered it sooner but its also kinda exciting to discover something abt urself an ur sexuality. like this label brings me the same joy that other labels that ive discovered fit me do like i feel like how i felt when i came to terms w being trans an being bisexual. i feel like im 13 again finding trans and bisexual youtubers and being like "??? there are others?" like ppl dont talk abut it as much w being aro and ace bcz those are defined by the absence of a feeling rather than the presence of one but it really can be just as exciting to find out that you're aro or ace as it can be to discover that you're a lesbian or gay or transgender or something.

like not to be cheesy but discovering that i could just. have friends and also have sex made everything kinda click in my head for me. like literally i felt like a more complete person. experiencing that and realizing like. oh. this is amazing this is literally all i want like nothing is missing. i literally just dont have to do romance stuff like no ones making me do that why did i think i have to do that. like oh my god this is such a good feeling i really can do whatever i want forever.

this post doesnt rly have a point exactly i just kinda have a lot of feelings to get out. i love you aromantic ppl i love being aromantic it fucking rules actually. every aromantic person whos posted abt their experience an helped me get comfortable w the label i owe u a hundred billion dollars jesus christ i love you guys

[pumpkinsy0]

Lowk i’d love to hear more about the racial aspect of their situation in the 60s and how it could affect their relationship

IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE WOO

OK i tried writing this post 2 other times and it didnt save im so annoyed but 3RD TIMES A CHARM LETS GO

SO LET ME EXPLAIN HOW THEY R SEEING RACE

pony- ok look, ponys white, he doesnt exactly get the racial impact of things, its not like he doesnt KNOW about them, to a certain extent he does, but he doesnt understand just how every aspect of ur relationship will b impacted if ur a poc. hes not ignorant bc he doesnt care, hes ignorant bc he hasnt been exposed to it. hes not a poc and w the poc around him dont rlly talk about it either, to the curtis bros at least, cause what r they gonna do, relate to em????? amd when it comes to all the racial court decisions and politicians and what not surrounding the time of the 60s, pls remember hes barely paying attention to the world around HIM, i dont think hes paying attention to the whole world around him especially😭😭but i do think this is something he does grow out of quite a bit, id say he was ignorant till he was like 15???? maybe 16???? and THEN hanging around the shepards (especially my shepards and their gang, god bless em) it opened his eyes to it and tries doing what he can

curly- i hc curly as a black immigrant, he couldnt b ignorant to the racism and prejudice if he TRIED😭😭. but whats the downfall of curly here, is that he downplays it, like a LOT. hes living his life like whats happening isnt the case, and its sad cause like, all he wants to do is b free to b himself!!! but bc of whats going on, he cannot afford to or else he WILL get killed or locked up for good, but he just pushes that fact to like the VERY back of his brain, partially as a way to “protect his peace”. and tim and angela can only protect curly from so much, but thats gotta b the #1 thing they try protecting him from, but they can only help so much, its out of their control at the end of the day no matter what they do. what knocked curly out of this thinking, or at least got him to b more serious over it, is when bob died. i say that bc he was actually arrested as one of the suspects, part of it for being a shepard, part of it being bc they were tipped off by some random guy, and partially bc he is black, curly realized he got REALLY lucky there and that opened his eyes to what could happen to him

so when it comes to their relationship, i think a dangerous part of it that ppl tend to ignore, is that they live their lives together, like the racial tension isnt there. theyre BOTH in a way ignoring it, but its rlly only bc they just wanna b together and have their own fun, but like i said they CANT afford that, thats super dangerous, and considering ponys white and they both DO NOOOTTT think ahead that well or at all lmao, that could genuinely get curly into some deep shit. and i think thats a portion of them being together that darry and soda dont see but tim and angela do, they HAVE to see that. worst case scenario for papercut fucking up is either ponys taken away or curlys locked up or dead. dare i say this is partially y i hate when ppl hc that angela and tim r more protective over pony than curly,,,

as for the start of their relationship, the same way darry and soda were hesitant about pony being around curly, same thing for tim and angela w curly being around pony, i think generally speaking, the shepards r a lil iffy being around white ppl and the way my #shepardsloreworks, its only been a few years since the moved to the us, so theyre technically still trying to find their footing and getting used to being around em, its nothing personal against the curtis bros, it was literally just for their own safety!! theres def been some times between curly and pony where curlys admitted to the things hes had to do or was told to do by tim and angela to be safe around pony (whos rlly the only white guy who he b hangin out w) and those r the moments where ponys had to step outta his bubble and b like “hm”, yknow???

ANNDDDD FINALLY, as they grow up and grow outta that “who cares what society things, we’ll do whatever we want”, pony does grow to b more protective of curly and tries being more independent, just so curly wouldnt have to get himself into shit over pony, hell, pony even tries helping curly out if curlys in trouble. like that anon last night said, pony WILL lie for curly to the cops, and part of y the cops take his word over curlys IS bc ponys white, im not saying they treat pony like a saint, but pony sees the way they look at him vs curly, and curly would b a liar to say he doesnt see it too, maybe this isnt even just cops, but teachers as well, other students, etc etc

i could probably go deeper into this and talk about some other things but look, this is already a yap sesh, ill let yall go🙏🏽🙏🏽

[rainbowpui]

I saw "svconfession" page on Tumblr and some takes about SJ just makes my blood boil

cont.

Especially this one: "People should stop writing everyone falling in love with SJ. He’s not SY, guys! SJ is an asshole and no one can stand him, but YQY. He’s an acquired taste." Like why are they trying to dictate us on what we can write or what we can't write

omg yeah ive seen so many bad takes like that

literally they are just haters its no ones fucking business what kind of fic someone else is writing or art they are making. its really pathetic to claim to stan one character but spend all your time shitting on another.

the classist implications of saying the CHILD SLAVE who is HEAVILY implied to be a CSA survivor is inherently unlovable but the rich NEET internet troll who harasses people and manipulates others for his own gain is like "super nice actually"

tbh i think sy is a wayyyyyyyy bigger asshole than sj. hes literally introduced as an internet hater. people dont want to look at the way that he treats sqh or admit that what he did with lbh was emotional manipulation and child grooming.... like he literally love bombs him and shows a clear bias to him while ignoring all his other students. a teacher bullying a student is wrong but so is a teacher being inappropriately close to a student???? theres a reason that everyone else on the sect thought he was ALREADY fucking lbh when he was a student and lmy was writing that fic, its bc their lvl of "closeness" was not at all normal. not to mention that ppl forget he didnt save lqg out of niceness. he did bc he was trapped and couldnt run (reread the novel babes everyone somehow misses this part???) and wanted to use lqg as human shield. he needs sqh to help him take care of the plant body so he doesnt... literally die... but even after OWING HIS LIFE TO SQH he STILL treats him like shit and threatens him with violence all the time... including in the extras were he supposedly had all that ""character growth"" 🙄

but just bc i feel that way doesnt mean im going to police how anyone else writes fic and has fun. they can woobify him all they want and ignore all his flaws if thats the kind of content they want to make and its not my business bc its fucking fanfic and ppl can write any kind of fic they like. but i would really appreciate it if they would stop shitting on us for OUR fave. esp given that a lot of sj stans like him because..... they are also survivors as well and can relate to him bc of that. and then get accused of supporting child abuse irl bc we dare relate to the character that is clearly shown to have gone through the worst abuse as a child of any of the characters in the novel..... like use your brain...

[onstoryladders]

one of the things that make bylers and miIevens view of the show utterly incompatible is the way we see el and her feelings towards mike (but more specifically her feelings towards her relationship with mike)

ive seen people say that bylers only care abt mike and will and don't give a damn abt her, but that's just a misunderstanding based on the fact that they see els arc in a totally different way than we do

for example the way i see it, el reached the peak of her pain (when it comes to her love life) at the start of s4 when she and mike fought in lenora. when mike told will that it felt like a fight you can't come back from, he wasn't exaggerating at all: it was the truth. there's no coming back from that, and the "from el" written at the end of what could very possibly have been els LAST message to mike is proof of that. she left that love behind

now why do i think that?

because of the way the whole storyline has been structured:

- el spends basically the whole season away from mike because she chooses to. she focuses on something else, her priorities lie in finding herself and the truth about her own past. once again her arc points towards self discovery and independence, and with this i don't mean to say that she has to be alone in order to be independent, but that she needs to find who she is OUTSIDE of her relationships. when mike says that she's a superhero he's once again imposing a certain view on her that she doesn't want. she needs to decide for herself. she needs to find who el hopper really is

- mike works through his internal conflict with the help of the other love interest. literally wtf lmao

- when el reunites with mike and will, she has the same reaction with both. now of course shes happy to see them, but when we get to the surfer boy place, she doesn't seem mad at mike anymore. she seems tired, contemplative, sad like she reached a conclusion........

why is that important? because if mikes monologue had to be what FIXED their relationship then she would've still been mad at him at that point. there wouldve been conflict because that's how stories work – up and down and up and down. so she would've avoided him or just kept her distance in general. but she doesn't. because she's done

IMAGINE FOR A MOMENT if the surfer boy scene went differently. imagine mike just telling her "ily" and she smiling and saying "ily too 💖💖 you finally said it 💖💖💖💖" it wouldve been so fucking anticlimactic lol

- mikes monologue doesn't fix shit because we don't see them together anymore. like yeah she puts her head on his shoulder in the hospital, but if the monologue was really meant to be this grand turning point for their relationship they would've put more focus on its aftermath.... and they didn't

- mike telling her "you're my superhero" goes against the core of els character arc throughout not only this season but the whole show. mike didn't learn anything

now im not saying ppl have to agree with me on this, even though of course i think this is the interpretation that 1) makes the most sense and 2) is most significant and compelling storytelling-wise. im just saying that once you see things this way the "byler don't care about el" argument crumbles because that's literally false: we don't want el to suffer and be alone against her will, we want her to leave mike behind because we genuinely think that it's what's best for her because her storyline SUPPORTS THAT

meanwhile wills story doesnt support heartbreak at all because of the way his feelings for mike are interwoven with his feelings about his sexuality

[gayspock]

ok one moment

like something something. i feel like im doing a shit job at somehow every aspect of my life no matter what it is. no matter how big or small. and i think the only things ppl ever say is that everyone feels like that but i still cant help like at least other people have at least something to hold on to. i fucking suck at everything and ive not been happy with anything ive tried to do for years and i wish it was melodrama. ive gone out and tried new things. ive broken down every time and been too burnt out to ever continue. try to not be self-conscious and to not be jealous of how easily people can sit there and thrive but i just end up hating myself and crying. i wish i had the focus to even just do menial shit like read. invest myself into something. but i cant stay cognizant for more than 10 fucking minutes any more and then im gone. and theres flashes of energy and frenzied bullshit and sometimes it can carry me forward but then i look back on everything i did and feel sick because i was obviously just fucking withit. sloppy crap you know. something something. it just all feels like more work and effort and none of its remotely rewarding it just feels like im trying to prove to people that im trying and i dont like any of it and its all too exhausting . so in the end its like ive done nothing and maybe that doesnt matter because i dont reallyhave anyone to prove it to anyway. cause im shit at that too. and its youre not meant to meausre how fucking good you are at being friends with people like that but i cant even fucking help it any more do you know. what i am good at is staring at the wall for hours and imagining i dont exist any more like a rancid self pitying bastard. does anyone else like to stare at the wall. i think its been years and years and ive not made any progress or got anywhere and just got steadily worse and i keep waiting for it to matter but it never seems to etc. etc. i feel really pathetic that the last time i consistently talked to people irl was 5 years ago now and even then i just felt alone constantly and like i meant nothing and that everyone would forget mein a heartbeat and knowing i was always right about it sucks. something something desperate loser. god fuck me in the head im gonna go to work again on tuesday and have people ask me what i did for four days straight fuck me man wheres my pretend im not on the brink of fucking offing myself hat.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[phagodyke]

venting sorry... don't want to just delete it bc it helps to get it out just ignore this post pls 👍

haven't slept much at all and feeling so sick andstressed and in pain bc my period is due and so tired its making me dizzy but i cant sleep more or ill just feel more sick and I want a hug and to cry so hard into someones shoulder but no one cares or will even come near me it makes me feel diseased they think things about me that aren't true bc I struggle so much to communicate and thry all make assumptions insteqd and no one wants to give me space to talk to them about it so I cant undo that now and its all my fault and I'm so. exhausted :-(

[celestie0]

ellie did you hear about the solar storm thing thats been going around?

my friend gave me a detailed explanation abt what it is whats going to happen n all n honestly i am TERRIFIED.

like it genuinely seems so real that i cant even convince myself that this is another one of those silly things that go around each year

the fact that research for this solar storm has been going on since 2019 is ???? scary ????

makes it seem more believable tbh bc if it was not real it wouldn't have been going on for so long

IM SO SCARED 😭 genuinely cried when my friend was telling me ab this and she also said thwt we'll get to know ab when the solar storm is going to hit about 30 minutes before AND NOW IM PARANOID BC IT CAN HIT ANY MOMENT NOOOOO

and to top this off my mother told me that not many ppl will survive till 2027 i have no idea where she got that from but she scared me even more

this is so bad.

hii my love yess ive heard of the solar storm, i know that solar flares in general have been talked about a lot for a while now but i didn’t know that there was recent news about it!

i’m sorry you’re experiencing anxiety regarding it :””( yeahh ive heard that solar flares are near impossible to predict in advance for a lot of reasons, so that can definitely heighten the fear

hm idk if it makes you feel better but i remember nasa n other news outlets were talking about solar storms the exact same way about a year ago (i just remember telling my dad ab it cuz he works in aerospace n figured his company might’ve been discussing it) but nothing happened at all within the six month period that the news had been freaking out about LOL. i panicked a lot then too n my dad said it was just fear mongering lmfaoo 💀 (he’s kind of a cynic though haha) but yea i just bring this up because it’s not the first time this sort of news has been sensationalized

following any sort of space stuff can be scary for sure n it’s super easy to get lost in article rabbit holes that can really disrupt your quality of life in the present :( but i think there have been multiple instances of space phenomena that have been hyped up in media (even by a lot of reputable news outlets) that have not really affected daily life as much as it was thought to (like the never ending cycle of news about new asteroids, the whole aliens thing, etc)

i think it’s important to remember that the scientists that are actually behind the research are completely different entities than the people writing up articles about it online, so you always have to take the news with a grain of salt or maybe try to look into accounts from the actual researchers behind the findings (who, more often than not i’ve found, don’t even panic about their own research to the level of extent a lot of media ppl do online haha)

i’m not saying i don’t believe in the possibility of a solar storm or anything like that lol i just think there’s a lot of tendency in news these days to scare tf outta people for no reason

also correct me if im wrong but the largest danger of a solar storm would be disruption of radio & internet frequencies right? i thought they werent actually powerful enough to cause any sort of biological radiation harm ;0 loss of internet access would definitely be a weird thing to see and could put stress on more developed countries, but a lot of the world doesnt even have internet access to begin with so i’m not sure how much it will actually affect livelihood (i’m aware that it’d affect a LOT of things for sure, but i’m talking ab dangers like life or death situations, n i just cant imagine that being the case? but if you’ve looked into that more than i have n have more to share then lemme know i’m really curious)

sorry, im just bringing this all up in hopes it helps w your fears, n not to invalidate them! bc i totally get it, it’s scary stuff esp when it’s stuff you feel like you have no control over. but there’s a lot of things in life we have no control over, i think it’s best to just focus on what we can control n just try to enjoy today :)

thank u for ask bb <3

[zorasapphires]

for my first text post i wanna talk about some zeldy thoughts. these are like raw thoughts bc ive just come from writing a 10k assignment and don’t feel like sticking to proper writing structure right now lmao. major end game totk spoilers

something that i saw talked about that frustrated me was when people say that like, the zelda/ganon dragon fight at the end doesnt make sense within the lore of the game, seeing as you “lose yourself” when you swallow a secret stone. and while i get why ppl think that, i think it bothers me bc it kinda seems like a shallow interpretation of the lore.

i think on a basic level there are still very clear good/bad dynamics that play in all of LoZ (in totk there’s light/gloom, light/evil) so i don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that zelda as the light dragon can sense the evil presence of ganon as the demon dragon. i.e. while they have lost what makes zelda zelda and what makes ganon ganon, they maintain that sense of good or evil. so zelda will come to the rescue, and ganon will continue to try and destroy.

(god i have so much to say here because like. what even makes ganon, ganon? im kinda disappointed at the lack of character depth ganon got despite the opportunity in this game!! he had lots of screen time, but a real lack of motivation beyond the evil villain for the sake of it.)

BACK TO DRAGONS THOUGH, i think that this good/bad dichotomy can also explain why farosh, dinraal, and naydra WEREN’T part of this fight. in botw they are framed as an extremely neutral presence, and that is continued in totk. it would have been ooc for the dragons to come help, just like it would be ooc for zelda as the embodiment of light to NOT show up. in botw, the 3 dragons just fly around the map, not directly influencing anything good or bad. they don’t attack you, but there presence can harm you unintentionally.

i know that in botw all we had were those 3 dragons, but i think it’s shallow to assume that all dragons in the world would act like them, especially when we have no confirmation of how these dragons came to existence i.e. did they or did they not swallow a secret stone (i have thoughts about this too dw). in the confines of totk, stones amplify your power. zelda as the holder of the power of light would inherently work to repel and destroy evil. she might lose HERSELF, but she isn’t losing that power. that power and her are separate. same with ganon but with evil. at the expansion of all of LoZ lore, zelda is the reincarnation of wisdom, and i believe the light dragon to be the essence of that reincarnation i.e no zelda remains and she HAS lost herself.

that being said, i still do critisise some of the ways that totk’s story expanded, specifically the end cut scene. the “reset” felt shallow, cheap, and forced, and i definitely wanted to see some consequences to both link (losing an arm) and zelda (permanently staying a dragon or at the very least being permanently scarred by the experience and not just waking up from a deep sleep lol)

EDIT: OH YEAH AND brief dragon immortality thoughts: immortal in the sense of age, not immortal in the sense of damage and life force, which is how demon dragon can die

[rottytops]

i definitely think the adhd medication (successfully) rewired my brain and made me seek out long term goals over short term pleasure like i have been literally my entire life so now my current goals are to unfuck my credit to move away from my shitty roomies, get my new car and actually get into an ltr lmao

SUPRISINGLY ENOUGH 2 of these 3 goals are either in progress or very obtainable ive been saving a tunna cash and i can get a new car next month after i get my license renewed and ive found this cute little studio that i can maybe move into if i get help co-signing it, then ill just camp out there until my loans are paid off in 50000 years

the last one though.,,,,its so weird. the like. burning fervor to date someone long term kinda slugged me in the back of the head! ive always WANTED a nice relationship but it was never a PRIORITY to me bc i had video games or whatever. these new feelings made me realize ive been living my life like. entirely for myself which is FINE but my standards for myself (combined with how ADHD made me content with literally anything as long as it was easy) make me like. gutter trash tier as a partner, i think. essentially as i am now, unless the other person is equal parts deranged and shitty, im utterly unlovable which is like. tough tits i guess. but if im honest about it i can at least try to change it. part of me is conflicted; if i have to change myself to become more datable, is the person really dating me, or am i just creating a false persona to get conditional love. its a scary thought but at the same time im not really changing MYSELF past getting in shape and taking care of my skin, its more im giving up on being a dopamine addicted manchild and getting my own apartment. with my own car and stuff...these are actually just completely normal goals to have and i already wanted them i just kinda have new motivation for it lmao!

you cant just force a relationship and theres no way im attracting the hoes to me in my shitty room, so i think i need to??? go??? outside??? and hang out with ppl??? utterly mortifying but when i get my car next month i think i can actually do that. id like to make more irl friends as well, i had a bunch of friends in college so. i guess ill go to more smash locals or something but outside of that sigh sigh i have no idea.

these major revelations have all hit me in like the past 2 weeks, since i started my medication and the dosage was upped, i have a lot of work to do and not that much time to do it, really!!!! i hope i can become someone like. worth keeping around in a few months time...!!! the pieces are there i just need to like, put them together....



i could write a whole thing on how mad i am that it took me so long to get medicated and how fast i became a Normal Person after being on meds but like idk that line of thinking doesnt help anybody...!! i accomplished so much even with my debilitating ADHD and now i can do so much more with a mindset that can actually handle the shit neurotypical people expect me to be able to do, considering how im literally good at everything, combined with how ive managed to survive this long with almost no real help from irl people (seriously ive gotten more assistance from my online friends than literally anybody in my family both financially and emotionally) means that me WITH medication is gonna go absolutely insane. im going to be like ultra rich this time next year, probably LMAO....or at least have a boyfriend AURHUFG



anyway if u read this for some reason i love u and also give me ideas on going out and meeting people, i think i can hold a conversation just fine but where do people even GO. do you guys think ppl at bars or whatever know about disgaea. hmmm.