#ive given up on figuring it out
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my experiences with romance and romantic attraction are very odd but. 👍
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eh yeah why not
I can accept that I'm valid as an aspec
reblog if you're aspec and FUCKING VALID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#asexuality#asexual#aromantism#aromantic#aspec#im like. aspec bispec#ive given up on figuring it out#but im like#i want to date people but ive never had a crush#and im intrigued by sex in like. a scientific and curiosity way#but dont want to have sex#and im also young so idk#but women are pretty#men can also be pretty#im attracted to talent#if you are good at something i value a lot#youre gorgeous#unless youre an asshole#if im attracted to people romantically im bi#if im not im aroace#aspec bispec#bespectacled#hehe
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When i said that previous post was gonna be my last drawing of these two, turns out im a liar.
edit: i forgot the dang necklace again
#fields of mistria#fom march#fom ryis#ryis fom#march fom#maryis#ive also given up on coloring eyes for now while i focus on improving in other areas#anyway i was supposed to also add my farmer into the foreground but couldn't figure out the angle oopsie#my art
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expanding on the horns a bit. I like them lots
#reanimator#herbert west#daniel cain#Ive kind of given up trying to figure out how to draw dans hair so im getting fun with it#ive made too many doodles for reani i think i need to make an actual piece again [<- wants to use life during wartime lyrics on a post]
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To wander the continent not as King Rhoam’s headstrong daughter, but as a traveler—with Link not as her sworn guard, but a loyal friend, well, that hardly seems like a bad thing.
lil sky + grass landscape study I did tonight, based on my ganzelink fic fields of gold
#zelink#ganzelink#still insane to me how much the colors change based on what screen its on. the tablet version is a bit more orangey but on my phone its#almost got a lavender quality. its meant to be sunset but on my phone it looks like dawn#idk. still figuring out digital and ive given up on finding a style for now and focusing only on landscapes since its where im particularly#lacking#my art
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i drew (and headcanoned some of) people's courtneys. too out of it to tag the specific ppl these courtlets come from so if you see your courtlet say hi i guess? wanted to post this since i love this piece so much and i love seeing how people interpret concepts.
and a bonus featuring my own courtlet. thank you.
#pkmn#rse#oras#magma admin courtney#team magma#hiii here's the silly commentary part lol so. uh. lately ive been so out of everything lately and ive been between amazing and a mess#as i figure out my own courtney's character i've given up on a thing ive been at with for several months. ive met some good friends too.#but even as i give up that thing im still cooking up new things like me FINALLY coming up with my continuity's events and stuff YAY!!!#i really really wanna share some stuff but 1) i don't have a lot and it's hard to really discuss stuff with the way i think#2) it's been hard to draw lately. idk why. 3) im worried ppl will go after me because this story is kind of edgy to an extent and#we are far past the edgy emo dark story stuff and I'm worried ppl will chock it up to “look into my sick and twisted mind” and not#like. something i am happy with and love and like. want to do so much with!!! idk!!!! i wanna make a narrative that is so crazy. that is al#if anyone wants me to talk about my continuity and ESPECIALLY about my courtney please send asks i am realizing that#the loneliness and my disconnect from reality is starting to get to me and i need to think about other stuff. i just like talking to people#and bouncing off ideas and stuff. it would be fun. you guys have no idea how good of a writing exercise making your own pkmn continuity is#ANYWAYS. tldr. please please talk to me about these things. i love talking about headcanons and silly stuff. thank you.#too tired to tag with my tag. goodbye.
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Second installment in the spiderbit pacrim au; wherein Roier and Cellbit talk, there's a lot of flirting involved, Cellbit forgets how to speak, and a muzzle comes off.
#ive given up on properly formatting this post#took me three years to do the tagging on ao3#idc enough anymore#anyways enjoy!!! the sillies!! they return!!#figuring out who goes where was a disaster i always forget how big this universe is#:pencil:#spiderbit#qsmp fanfiction
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“i gave you a rare gift… but you didn’t want it”
#dee s 9#garashir#honeyball au#HWUH the intimacy of stabbing… why are u as a man inside another mans guts#ive given up on trying to figure out if this is like contemporary DMV area or starfleet. vis a vis costumes. don’t worry about it#dw i dont think garak is responsible for the blood in this scene. maybe julian went full shrike and hes very proud of him#his boys first murder :')
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literally figured sorcerer!kristen's freshman year design out the moment I sat down and attempted to brainstorm (rubs hands together fly style) we eatin good today boys
#not art#riz is my specialest boy whom I love dearly everything I do I do it for him but kristen is like instant kinship to me#adhd haver to adhd haver communication. adhd haver to adhd haver comprehension#and ohhh I'll have a Lot of fun with her design esp. freshman year bc shes diametrically opposite to how she looks in canon#which is to say: slightly maximalist#off the top of my head I'm already thinking pippi longstocking influence so mens size 40 shoes and mismatched socks#and matilda a little bit (at least on first day she's trying so hard to figure out business casual) so dress or blouse#and of course she's kristen so cargo shorts#if this sounds deranged to you: yeag#I think the only thing holding me up rn with her is her arcane focus#I am thinking. very hard. I dont think she'd keep the shepherd staff given its connection to the heliolic faith#but I do think it has to be 1/decently big 2/of an eye catching color 3/attached to her pretty much 24/7#Ive been thru this rodeo before babeyy if its not chained to u it will be Gone in the blink of an eye#. wait. I think I have an idea. it will be fun to harken a Little bit back to ally's other sorcerer character#it would also be like a vibe flashbang. I think we got it. stay tuned
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u know. i feel like. the way i 'cover' music (listening reaaaaally really closely note by note and transcribing it into the free program that i have) is probably not. the way most people do it. almost certainly there is a simpler way of doing things. however
#talk tag#there is no continuation <3#listen im bad at googling idk what to look up for how to cover fuckin. instrumental stuff. so i just kinda. taught myself to do it This way#which is. what ive done w most of my creative hobbies tbqh. i just fuck around until i figure out what works#or what works as well as possible given my utter lack of any actual training whatsoever#anyway. random russ lore drop tonight i guess. enjoy#also to be clear this is just for funsies. ive thought abt posting stuff somewhere but anxiety that im Doing It Wrong and Everyone Will Kno#so i havent. yet. maybe one day#+ also i frequently get frustrated and give up halfway through songs bc i cant get smth right. rip#i did finish a piano 'cover' of power of friendship though. it is the only one ive ever actually finished i think. so theres that#its good. i was listening to it on repeat when the wifi was off (its back now) bc i was bored. thats what made me think of this lmao
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sometimes you need to have life-altering realizations, cry about them, and then move on be fine and figure something else out
#my job is not sustainable with my health#which is. incredibly fucking devastating if im being real!#ive already given up every other dream I ever had because they were unattainable due to disability#and then I found this job that I love so so so much and could picture doing for the rest of my life#only to have more disability stuff pop up and nope! this isnt gonna work as a career either#and that is. devastating#in a word#but.#im gonna figure it out#im thinking of going back to uni maybe#I dont know#im thinking of either doing a hard pivot into sciences and going into wildlife biology to work with bears#or maybe going to a different college for journalism#im not planning on leaving my job anytime soon#but I need to plan for the future#I could also maybe stay working in schools and be a clerk#we'll see#lots to figure out#cried a lot about it#trying to focus on the future now and not get bogged down in my feelings
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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so for like, a decade plus, i've been searching for a youtube video i remember seeing back in 2007, and i've finally managed to make some headway:
good news: i've found it
bad news: it's lost media
#it's been bugging me for so long honestly#ive talked about it in my tags before but its basically the video that introduced me to roblox#it's probably a bit silly to have been searching for this video. but part of the reason ive been looking is to see how good my memory is#specifically memories from when i was 9 years old. and how those memories have aged given im 26 now#like id say my memory is pretty good. specifically remembering specific details from memories long ago#like that isn't to say they're perfect. like i'll get some details wrong. but i know the general idea of what i saw#but basically#it's basically some old roblox bloopers video that had their character in a baseball cap and lugia t-shirt#now for a few years i wasn't sure i was correct on this person wearing a lugia t-shirt#and so at some point i figured i had to give up looking for that specific detail#since literally no video i could find had these two details combined. id find characters with baseball caps but never with a lugia t-shirt#and by that point i was afraid i wouldn't be able to find this video. or worse. my memory was wrong and it was something i watched in 2008#but i knew it had to be uploaded before december 12th. 2007. because thats when i made my account#and the way i found it was going through 11 pages of a youtube search for ''lego videos''#i was specifically looking for new lego videos to watch. or find something that seemed more interesting than lego mario stop motion#and there was one video that stood out. which was some random roblox bloopers video. mixed in with a bunch of random lego videos#anyway. just today i was scrolling through twitters ''for you'' tab and happened upon a thread showing off lost roblox youtube thumbnails#and i was like ''well. can't hurt to see if theres anything in here that i recognize.''#and lo and behold. a roblox dude in a blue baseball cap and a lugia t-shirt. labeled as ''ROBLOX Bloopers!''#i could feel the anvil of my doubt free itself from my brain because i finally had proof of a video that lines up with my memory#thats not to say this is the exact video but 99% certain it's uploaded by the same person. like it could be roblox bloopers part 2#but anyway. the channel and the video(s) are lost and while im sad i can't watch it to confirm my memory#im happy to see that there's evidence that lines up with my memory of what i saw back then#for reference. it was uploaded by someone named 'Furzniak' at the time. and it was uploaded on July 21st. 2007
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Also i thought you were a fictive for a while HELPPPP im smart trust🙏🙏
Listen I have no idea what I am, I just know I exist-
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cum dumpster? wrong. cum recycling bin. put it in me and i'll do something fun and eco friendly with it
#i cant figure out the punchline JUST right but ive given up. it needs to be workshopped i think#nsft#but ive been giggling at it in my brain for a while so. recycling bin
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I’m doing some harddddddddddd studying up for this game
#ive made acquaintances with a very sweet experienced player who plays my main and he’s given me so many tips#and inspired me to really study up on all the stuff I’ve been avoiding learning#plus I just figured out I’ve been doing worse in the game lately due to my controller having bad stick drift#so I switched around my controls and it’s taking some muscle memory rewiring but I’m doing better!!!#I feel instantly better at the game!!#my old habits and button settings were REALLY holding me back maybe even more than refusing to learn core mechanics#but I’ve been doing hours and hours of studying now#I’m gonna come back and shine
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