#ive been.... twice before?
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watching a lot of defunctland and in a weird way I'm like... I kinda wanna visit disneyland.
#alice.txt#ive been.... twice before?#yeah. twice#but the last time i was in 8th grade so it's been a second laksdj#i was Supposed to go in like 2020... but covid happened.#Almost went to paris disneyland last year but my college didnt wanna pay for that (shocker (not really))#(it was part of a proposed extension for a graduate trip paid for by my college)#(for some research i did. the paris extension was proposed by my prof to try to extend the trip. for funzies.)#(also the 2020 trip was bc of a Different college thing i was invited to)#(regarding my undergrad thesis)#(but now im not in college so id have to plan & go to this trip entirely of my own volition.)#(but its in socal (yuck) and expensive (double yuck).)
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HI HI I saw in your tags that you take AT requests, if it's not too much trouble could you draw prismo? Lee or ler, either is good xp Also no pressure!! I rlly love your art🫶🫶
HIII thank you first of all!!!!!!!! and OFC id love to draw prismo!!!!!!!!!<33333
im a huge sucker for prisjake sorry :PPP they make me absolutely insane /pos
#tickle art#my art#i am so so so so normal :33333#also im sure anyone looking for prismo t content has already seen it but just in case EVERYONE GO LOOK AT TICKLETAILS' ART IMMEDIATELY#theyr my fave artist in the community their stuff BANGS every time#ive actually been looking for an excuse to make tk art of prismo i just never got around to it. ive been super stressed lately lol#but my boyf (who isnt even into this show) has been begging me for it because we LOVE the 'lee in a wall' trope#its happened 2 times in media we like which isnt a lot but isnt it weird that it happened twice#anyway#adventure time tickle#fionna and cake tickle#lee!prismo#ler!jake#can you guys tell ive never drawn the scarab before
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first time coloring lenore fully
#nevermore webtoon#nevermore webcomic#nevermore#lenore nevermore#lenore vandernacht#nevermore x tloz#i admit;#im a bit addictive playing totk#minimum 2 hours everyday#and ive been using the yiga armor with the snow pants#because holy fuck thats lowkey fire#ahem#anywho never colored lenore before so#did annie twice#dont expect me to color again#oh fuck i forgot to shade#lmaoooooo#can you tell i used to love tloz like a ton???#no? good#yes? good
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Time by electric light orchestra is one of my all time (no pun intended) favourite albums (like fr I've listened to it every morning since I was like 7) and the entire time traveller in a time period that's not their own is SO dakavendish so here they are looking over some kind of lake what's supposed to mimic the album cover :)
#you should fr give time a listen if you havent before its like 45 minutes and VERY good#i dont think im the first person to do some kind of time dakavendish crossover thing but its been like a year since i last saw one lol#time#mml#milo murphy's law#balthazar cavendish#vinnie dakota#dakavendish#fanart#if i had a nickel for every time recently ive drawn a bench with Cavendish and dakota id have 2 nickels#which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened twice
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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i've been very excited to post this but here are my ocs haha!! meet lune, cecilia, nox, and aster!
close ups, more info, and a more detailed relationship chart under the cut! this is gonna be a long post haha. there's also some more info about rowan!
cecilia's twin (he's the older twin) ((by two minutes. lol))
the type to go “here to here, i’ll buy it all”
he's got a temper
possessive, devoted, and jealous yandere
people think he's a tad bit insane (and he's self aware mostly,,)
gets into fights often
“want me to kill that guy for you?” (he’s serious btw)
he’s not nice lmao, but to you he is (in his own special way of course..!)
kind of like a cat who will proudly leave dead rats and leaves on your doorstep as a gift bc it thinks you can’t hunt for yourself
hates nox LMFAO
difficult to approach at first but once you get close he won’t ever let you go.
extroverted
LOUD. someone shut him up, this mf does NOT stop yapping bro
annoying as hell and he doesn’t know that lmao
if he absolutely has to, he’ll behave. but it's... odd
constantly needs to be doing something or he’ll get bored lol
has a bit of a sweet tooth (typical)
Bastard (not literally)
played the piano when he was younger with his sister, but he hated playing it
bad terms with his family except for cecilia
huge rebellious streak
shockingly will not kidnap you! everyone already knows you’re his, and he’s yours. and he won’t let anyone get in between you two. yay..!
hates it when you don’t pay attention to him (will absolutely start sulking too)
he’s impulsive but he’s not completely reckless
you probs shouldn’t trust him too much though he has good (????) intentions lol
seems silly (debatable really) but he’s dangerous.
half of the things he says sound like jokes but trust me, he means it. he’d do anything and everything for you, don’t forget!
shockingly pouty and whiny, only in front of you though
him and cecilia have matching bracelets from when they were younger which they both wear to this day
he’s oblivious as fuck, and an idiot
lune's twin (she's younger)
normal (somewhat) ((not really))
sweet and friendly
really likes giving gifts to people she cares about
jumps to conclusion and freaks out easily, but she’s subtle about it
constantly stressed (lune is her brother, so… i get it)
introverted (runs on a social battery)
says things without thinking sometimes
people pleaser
awkward as hell tbh, but it’s really not obvious because she’s good at putting on a front
kinda has the ”””””princely””””” persona (i didnt know how to describe that better lmao
has abandonment issues
girlfail tbh
hardworking
shes really protective of her loved ones
likes cute things
has issues with her family but still talks to them (lune does NOT)
on really good terms with lune, they’re very close (even though he’s a huge troublemaker that stresses the shit out of her) ((if he fucks around too much she’ll give him a good smack))
packs a good punch
SENSITIVE…
potential yandere? still not too sure if i’ll make her a fully fledged yan but she def has some of the traits lol
her and lune have matching bracelets from when they were younger! (she wears it everyday!)
she doesn’t mean to put on a front it just kinda happens automatically lmao
could kill someone... probably wouldnt tho
used to play the piano with lune, she still plays it now too (as a hobby)
cunning and annoying
def the type to kidnap you
oddly sweet (???)
but also ominous as hell
docile with the one he loves
isolating and manipulative yandere
dislikes lune
nice but you can tell he’s putting up a wall (with strangers and friends)
introverted
wouldn’t put stalking past him tbh
he’s the type that wants to know everything about you.
he has a tough time interacting with others. he feels awkward in social situations
the type to go to a party and spend the whole time petting the cat in the corner (he would not go to the party in the first place tho lmao)
he’s not misunderstood tho, he just can’t socialize and doesn’t really want to
grabs the end of your shirt in an awkward situation (its kinda cute)
takes time to open up, but when he falls for you, his love is so strong, it’s almost overwhelming. so just accept him, alright?
shittiest sleep schedule known to man, like srsly, what is bro doing
this man’s brain probs short circuits every 5 minutes LMFAO go to bed you idiot
really good with his words, very convincing
loves cats
hidden piercings
careful and patient
is really good at taking care of others (but he would only wanna take care of you) you’ll let him, won’t you?
startles easily lol
elf oc
ditzy and kind (to you)
bit of a mean streak (not to you!)
wants to appear princely in front of you
kinda stupid (a farce but not completely lol)
has a bit of a temper, but nothing too bad
clingy and cunning yandere
two faced
struggles with empathy (he tries, he’s not human, what’s he supposed to do!)
extroverted (?)
he’s really lonely
when he met you for the first time he was absolutely fascinated as he’s never interacted with a human being before!
BLUNT. he’s not used to convos… just give him some time!
at first it was simple curiosity, but that curiosity turned into something… deeper
he was completely alone before this, but now you’re here, and you’re going to stay, right?
is obsessed with the idea of you staying here with him forever, so why do you keep talking about going home? can’t you stay here?
but then you bring up the idea of him coming with you, well why didn’t you say that earlier! he's happy to come with you
It takes him some time to grasp certain concepts so please be patient with him, he’s not used to humans
he’s paranoid and hostile to other humans. it’s not fair, he wants all of your attention, so why is everyone trying to take you from him? he doesn’t like that everyone is getting in his way…
he’s terrified of bugs. will scream incredibly loudly if he sees one lol
he pulled you through a mirror, that’s how you ended up in his land
so if you wanna go back, just ask and he’ll take you!
gives you jewelry, expensive jewelry. (maybe he’s slipped on a ring before. haha. jk… unless..?)
prefers to stay inside your place because he really doesn’t like people who aren’t you lmao
don’t stray too far from him, okay? he’s always waiting for you
rowan (who i don't have a new drawing of rn </3 sorry!):
he absolutely hates not being a priority, so please don’t ignore him. please? he just wants you to love him.
clingy, devoted, and obsessive yandere
if you don’t reciprocate he might (unknowingly) try to guilt you into liking him back. will appear like a kicked puppy to really sell it (but it’s not an act lol he’s just like this)
at least his intentions are pure! (?????????) but is that better..?
if when (it will happen) you two end up together, he’ll give you the world if you’d asked for it
used to cut his own hair! :D (not great at it tho tbh)
very attentive and will work hard to keep you happy! just don’t forget that you’ll love only each other for the rest of your life. please don’t leave.
has tripped over nothing, will definitely happen again
here's the shitty relationship chart that i rushed </3 its very ugly im sorry HAHA
i really want to clarify that NONE of them will ever hurt you physically on purpose (they might have to pay up for emotional damages tho. they have your best interest in mind ig)
also i would say that they all share some traits like being clingy, devoted, possessive, obsessive, jealous, protective, and loyal. but if i specifically wrote it, it's probs just a bit more intense... just a bit,,, haha...
#num draws#oh hell yeah new tag time#lune posting#cecilia posting#nox posting#aster posting#rowan posting#technically lmao#yanderes#yandere oc#male yandere#yandere male#not tagging female yandere just yet </3#oc art#digital art#yandere#original character#i've been really excited to post this#i mean i know it might not get a huge response#but i really wanted to introduce them#and i do hope you like them!#i'm really bad at writing characters too so please be patient with me and hopefully i'll soon improve :]#if you have any questions about them at all PLEASE don't hesitate to ask#i would love to answer any questions!#i'm also nervous to be posting this haha... but its OKAY. im doing it#also i overused the SHIT out of the coloured text#ive never done it before i think i deserved to do it at least once HAHA#sorry that its super long btw </3#i might do actual profiles at some point too if anyone is interested :]#realized i accidentally added aster’s info twice 😭
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I can't wait for this to come back!!! >>> when is this coming back?
#seriously there has been such an uptick recently in people asking me about my hiatus#I KEPT GETTING SICK#FOR NO REASON#BECAUSE OF OVERWORK...#like literally without exaggeration once a month minimum knocked flat on my ass for multiple days#and mysteriously since being on hiatus hmmmm#it hasnt been happening hmmmmmm#almost like making LIKE 50 PAGES A MONTH#is a little too much work!#for anyone!#no amount of time saving texhniques makes that less work#and I'm trying to make it a satisfying conclusion#which takes more time#and I'm trying to write as much as possible before coming back#as much as webtoon will let me#because twice now ive had to write and produce episodes week to week#and it absolutely destroys the quality of the arc#in my opinion#it at least makes me less satisfied#and whats the fucking point of spending thousands of hours on something#if im being forced into a schedule that. when i get to the end. im not even satisfied with what ive done.#so seriously like please#I'm trying to be as transparent as i can possibly be without outright spoiling everything im writing#its good#it's fun#it will take time to be those things the rest of the way through#ive finished three episodes and I'm halfway through two more#i have 13 episodes thumbnailed#and i have 22 more episodes to write and thumbnail#because webtoon said i need to make it fit exactly into that space
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i went to trader joes this weekend for the first time and genuinely something came over me while i was in there. i completely blacked out and left with a massive tote full of shit like i could not even remember what i got or why i got it
#i bought things i didnt even know i wanted. things i kind of dont want tbh#i bought cornbread mix????#we get that in canada. i also have no interest in cornbread#tbf ive been to trader joes like twice before but this was my first time having driven over the border so i could get anything#talks.txt
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#I know antidepressants will still leave u with high and low days but idk even then my energy and productivity levels#havent been the same as they were last year or the year before that. before i got on them#so is it not an issue with mental health? wtf is it then 😭#im getting less comms now which is good bc i used to do 30 chibis per month#but now it takes me twice as long to do em bc my energy is so low.#so in making less money bc i dont have enough time to take More....#i dont knowwwwww. whats happened to me....#talkys#its also not even just work burn out...ive also felt the ''loss of interest in things u enjoy'' not just with drawing but with#journaling which ive done consistently for a few years now#i still make myself do it for memory keeping but it feels like a chore. i dont like that. it doesnt feel right#*also clarifying less comms is a good thing i raised prices so id get less!#im saying its bad bc youd think getting less wld leave me with more time for. more comms or literally anything else. but no.#my doctor always says med dosage is up to me like dude idk. im stupid. and scared
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The way I have not written a single word for like a month it feels like I have been busier in the last two weeks than I have been in the last four years of my life and will continue to be busy for the next two weeks I got one day between a four day family trip and a sib visit gotta sew a monkey during the trip and if monkie kid drops in that time I will simply combust
#knox rambles#ill definitely be offline for a bit WHEEZE#To be clear im having a good time overwhelmed but in a good way?#reconnected with someone i havent been able to get in contact with for like four years and hangout at their house twice before heading#straight to bake cookies after baking cinnamon rolls that morning--#my brian is scattered but this is good new experiences good folks good for the brain#sniffs i need to ahem ahem write ive been thinking about wobbly hearts nonstop and havent been able to write a single word wheezing#unsure if thats from being busy or being in a block#YEAH HI IM RAMBLING BUT IM NOT DEAD AND IMA BE OFFLINE FOR A BIT LONGER#eyeing up an ipad still for drawin#sewing and reading a book my reconnected-with cousin lent me#I FORGOT TO CUT MY HAIRJDJDJDNG#I MEANT TO DO THAT TODAY SHOOT#.#welp i am functioning sort of mostly#i swear#i made a phonecall today#i even made a sandwich#yes it was after opening every cupboard and fridge door eight times throughout the day and only made it bc my bro was making one BUT STILL#and yes i spent five hours procrastinating just putting stuff in my bag that i already had folded but its FIIIIIINNEEEEE#im functional and my best friend definitely did not call me today just to tell me to book an appointment to ask for an adhd diagnoses noooo#almost forgot to hit post cause i got distracted watching wander over yonder heyyyyyyyyyyy#ANYWAY LEAVING FIRST THING TOMOROW GN
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head in my hands screaming and crying I have to go ask for two applications in person today within the next few hours I'm going to explode and die guys
#just blahs#one of them is at a place ive checked twice before and both times shes been like ohhh check back in a bit#and last time she said check back in at the end of the month (last month)#and so i need to go back in#and im going to die#trying to hype myself up by being like ohhh after you go you can listen to the last rwd episode#bcs i forgor it last friday#but uuehshhfgg
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Is it true that Elizabeth of York birth celebrated like she was a son? I have seen some historians say this.
Hi! Yes, Edward IV did celebrate his daughter’s birth as though she was a male heir (“a prince”), iirc as per the Great Chronicle.
While we have no contemporary reports at the time of Elizabeth of York's birth, we know that Luchino Dallaghiexia reported that the birth of Edward and Elizabeth's third child, Cecily of York, "rejoiced the king and all the nobles exceedingly*, though they would have preferred a son'. Wanting a son (ie: an heir) was typical for their time period, likely enhanced by Edward and Elizabeth's unprecedentedly controversial marriage, her very unsuitable origins and his own status as a usurper. The fact that he was described as being "exceedingly" delighted at the birth of his third daughter in a row regardless does support the claim that he would have gone over-the-top to celebrate the birth of his first legitimate** child.
Hope this helps!
*Bizarrely, I have seen several historians and blogs using Dallaghiexia's letter to claim that he was bitterly disappointed at Cecily of York's birth. I don't understand how historical reading comprehension can be so poor that "rejoiced the king exceedingly" has somehow been rewritten as the...exact opposite of that. With no self-awareness whatsoever. **His illegitimate daughter Margaret (known as Elizabeth for some reason) was almost definitely born before his marriage. We don't know the birth dates of his other two illegitimate children: I think the likeliest conception date for Arthur was in early 1470, but it's unverified; and we know nothing about Grace (which was in fact her surname, not her name) other than the fact that Elizabeth Woodville seems to have been very attached to her.
#ask#elizabeth of york#edward iv#queue#speaking of which#did I mention how much I dislike historians who state that one of Elizabeth Woodville's 'advantages' was that 'she was fertile'#and just leave it at that?#or dumbfuck Anne Boleyn stans who argue Elizabeth was 'safe' because she had a son (she was literally deposed twice but okay)#That is simply incorrect and a complete erasure of her actual - presumably difficult - experiences#Elizabeth literally 'failed' (so to speak) to have a son throughout her first queenship#She had three daughters back-to-back#Her first son with Edward IV was in fact born seven years into her marriage after her husband had already been deposed and in exile#It does her an incredibly disservice to rewrite her very complicated situation according to your own whims and fancies#Particularly considering the very unusual nature of her marriage and rise to queen (+Edward's own status as an usurper)#which meant that Elizabeth - like H8's wives after her - was in a far more precarious position than sonless foreign royal queens before her#And while the lack of a son clearly didn't affect her personal marriage (her husband celebrated their eldest daughter's birth#as though she was a male heir and was described as exceedingly happy at the time of their third daughter's birth;#they decided to go on a pilgrimage - presumably to ask for a son - *together*; etc)#That doesn't change the fact that they were in a very very difficult situation that having a son could have resolved/legitimized#Worries that may have intensified even more after 1469 when George of Clarence (second York brother) rebelled against Edward#I also suspect their lack of a son affected the nature of Warwick's propaganda against them during his rebellions#but that's a whole other topic of discussion#Either way: What we should never do is erase and rewrite Elizabeth's (and Edward's) very complex situation in the 1460s#in favor of an inaccurate but more 'convenient' alternate history#It's a little odd tbh because I HAVE seen such discussions for Anne of Bohemia; MoA; and Henry VIII's wives#who all struggled to have male heirs#But for some reason Elizabeth's situation is not even acknowledged - let alone discussed#funny how that happens#anyway#ik I went VERY off track I'm sorry about that
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Angel except their halo is the star shaped braces on their teeth. Angel except their trumpet is a small keychain of a cat that meows when you press it. Do you see where I’m going with this
#it’s hard for me to believe in god but its easier to believe in Angels. idk#there’s some sort of emotion behind this but I don’t know what#not something like maybe ive met an Angel before. maybe it’s more like I see parts of angels in you#I don’t take the time to think about religion so idk#btw I’m waiting for the bus and it said it would be here in 2 min. and then suddenly it changed to 15 min#yapping#edit: the bus has been delayed twice now it’s been 30 minutes and if it happens again I am going to do unspeakable things
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I want to make like 17 posts about eastern bluebirds right now, Im smitten. This happens every time I band them, they're just... incredible birds.
Anyways-- I like their flight noise, they sound like theyre so concerned about whatever else is going on.
#eastern bluebird#personal#i also nearly got mobbed today by them- something I never would have thought EABL capable of#like theyre typically so docile and kind and when I pulled one out of the net it shouted like twice and the family was On It!#ive only been mobbed by tree swallow before so that was an experience
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i hope everyone in holland kills themselves actually. got my fucking phone nicked from some bastards & then the police couldn’t find it; i locked it bc it was turned off immediately & guess where it is now -_-
#stream#everybody die#ive been to holland twice & had crimes commited against me#twice#BOTH ASSAULTS#im never coming back here#i love global warming i cant wait for this shithole to go fucking under back where it belongs#im going to go outside somewhere light a joint & call my mother to have a breakdown before this flight#in 5 hrs
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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