#ive been... going outside... a lot
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Let's have a fresh start then
#i feel... like a completely different person tbh. i know what i want. and that its you. but so much has happened that i dont even know where#begin#life has just sat me in my own little bubble#it felt like a hand grabbed me and threw me into the inky depths of space#and i have been... learning more about the world#myself#all my plants died#im starting again#im going to plant some roses for you too#ill post pictures once they start growing#ive been getting into really good shape#mostly ive... gotten kinda ok at art. i think im going to get even better#my hair is long now#those grey sweats you gave me? they fall off of me now. but i cherish them#ive been... going outside... a lot#like. if it wasnt so cold... id be outside all day...#i want you to be you. and when you learn the new you... introduce me? please.
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Do you guys ever think about Rana? How she was only in Minecraft for about a month, and still to this day is remembered fondly in the hearts of many. How one of the very first documented fanarts for the game featured her and (Indev) Steve together. How she is such an integral part of the history of the game, and yet is still seldomly known. How she's been so wiped away by official sources, the only way we still remember her existence is through internet archival and word of mouth. How she was the frog mob in Minecraft many, many years before frogs were truly implemented. That she carried apples and roses with her, back when roses sprouted one by one out of the ground. That you would have to slay her to even know such a thing. There was once a brief point in time where we could play with her character model. She did not move the way she was supposed to, as her animations never properly displayed, but she moved anyway. She had maxed out stats that meant nothing and could not properly equip anything, but that was okay. We loved her anyway. Do you think if Steve could talk, he would tell us about his first friend in green? Of the very short lived adventures they had together in a newly forming world? Do you think he would even remember after all this time, the same way many of us don't? Do you think she remembers the short time we could play together? Do you think she remembers us too?
#minecraft#mineblr#minecraft rana#rana#minecraft indev#i have a lot of thoughts abt Rana and her existence#an abandoned character in an abandoned version#no longer even touched by the person who made her to begin with#a character we once breathed life into gone in an instant#most likely never to be seen again officially#but still to love and be loved in and outside of the game#ive been told tumblr used to go like. crazy for her back in 2018 or so#and i missed that era by a while to say the least#but i'll still continue to love her just as much
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i am losing to the demon trying to possess me (devilman. the 52 y/o media franchise)
>:]
EDIT I FORGOT THIS ONE
#IT KEEPS SCRAMBLING THE IMAGE ORDER FML SORRY GUYS#ok i got it but uh no more hiding the full page under a readmore 💀 sorry it's just gonna be tall#i havent drawn outside of of lectures since literally september but they fucking got me#the less i draw the more slowly i draw (obv) so this took So Long and involved a lot of me just staring at the page blankly#anyway i love them sorry i didn't quite capture ryo's glassy eyed mania (mecore) in this one 😔#devilman#devilman ova#devilman manga#ryokira#fudo akira#asuka ryo#devilman fanart#skrunkart#etc etc. you get the idea#anyway. i had fun now i have to go do like. the stuff for finals week i pretended didnt exist so i could draw devil guys#o7 see ya#devilman satan#HAIRY AKIRA HAIRY AKIRA. YIPPEEEE#genuinely some of the best body hair ive drawn look at that shit. scrumptious isnt the right word but it's so good to my brain#ft a cameo of myself killing ryo with my love for him#pls excuse some of the lineart flubs my tablet has been fucked for months rip
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I've been... Busy 👀
Trying to get all 4 arcs from season 1 into books!
(not available for sale, these are print proofs. I'm planning a Kickstarter early next year!)
#this is why i havent been posting much#ive been so busy between making episodes and doing Kickstarter prep#theres been a lot more for Kickstarter prep than i had anticipated#i mean. not really.#i knew it was gonna be a lot#but it's takin longer than i thought#cause i always forget how little time i have outside of making comic updates#I'm also thinking $25 a book#and then itd be $30-60 to ship them#so. if youre reading these tags its not an official announcement#but i want to give people ample warning#cause i know $150 is a lot to save up#also for legal reasons#i can not print all the books at once...#i have to go one at a time??#so I'm planning on making it like.. a box every few months#idk#I'm trying to think of thinfs that make it more worthwhile to do it that way#i want ppl to feel like they got their moneys worth idk#but! tbese two books look really good#I get proofs really early so i can go through for typos or color errors asap#so! hopefully I'll have the ghost and Victorian ones done by end kf year#so i can do the Kickstarter in like... jan/feb#i wanna add some scenes to the Victorian one#so. loads of work to do#printing#books#Kickstarter prep#time and time again
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you read one jorge luis borges story and you're like "what the heck just happened, i feel like i almost understand something but im not all the way there. maybe the next one will make it clearer" and then you read another jorge luis borges story and you go "wait wait there was a secret civilisation of immortals doing what" but he doesn't tell you more than what exists on the scant pages you were given so you read a third jorge luis borges story because after all they're really only a few pages each and they do entice you so for reasons you cant immediately put your finger on, and a fourth jorge luis borges story and a fifth and sixth and so on until you feel like the world is a labyrinth that you can only glimpse the truth at the centre of and you're twisting and twining your way through hidden corridors and half-glimpsed mythologies and histories and the world is a wondrous (oftentimes in a terrifying way) place with magic and wisdom and stories that could assail you at any moment if you just open your eyes to them.
and you still think that you almost understand something so you go back and read the first jorge luis borges story again, but also you know that you understand everything you're meant to, because after all one can never know everything that the wondrous labyrinths of the world, one can only experience them.
EDIT: also they sound like what a dream feels like
#there's also a lot of references that im sure would make me able to go one step deeper because my guy looooves cultural reference#to know everytihng you'd have to be funes the memorious and then you'd be unable to ever go outside because your senses wouldn't#be able to take it....#jorge luis borges#also... you would have been so into goncharov wouldnt you#ive been reading him deliberately slowly over the past 5ish? or so months#had a sense of a couple of the stories but not the Style of writing which is just. mind-bogglingly amazing#im reading books#i dont talk about the books im reading that often#feel like maybe this year i should
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After a solid nine days of worrying me stupid, Moo is back on form.
#he had to get an IV 3 times and I had to force feed him cat yoghurt and electrolyte drink for five days#mfer could barely climb the stairs or walk without weaving from side to side#but he'd get 20ml of meowghurt down his throat and try to climb out my window and scale down the fence to go hunt bugs in the lot next door#finally shut the window and he'd brace his front paws on the window sill and stare outside forlornly like he'd been thrown in jail#it has been A Week#i now have a colitis flare from stress#Méka Mau Moo#cat mom problems#cattos#kitties
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I need to be weirder about the scavengers and cannibalism...
#its been a long day... but im feeling better now. (thanks for the well wishes and such btw <3-)#(-sending my well wishes in return by tenfold bcs. damn. it seems stuff is really going around rn)#but yeah... just. augh. theres just smth about how the scavs sorta translate into more like. thriller-esque genres pretty well?#like. i feel somehow those themes compliment their characteristics? or could compliment their characteristics in a more rounded out way#sure. theyre generally a light hearted romp of absurdity with occasional themes of a not good not bad handling of 'mental health matters'#but they just really shine a bit in horrific circumstances. esp with the sort of absurdity they bring to the table#theyre odd people. even in the context of their generally weird and alien universe. and that right there feels like a trove of potential#its like. ok. the lost light crew? also odd. but thats a huge ship. full of people and variety and a sense of purpose and normalcy post-war#(normalcy being. whatever all those background folks were getting up too while plot happened around them. cruise ship stuff ig)#but in contrast. with the w.a.p crew. its an ark class ship with like. a handful of people. and a whole lot of junk and free time#both just cruising through space endlessly for years. one with hundreds of people. and one with like 6 people.#so both are technically isolated when theyre not making pit-stops planet or station side. but again. 100s vs 6 dudes.#think. top of the line cruise ship from hell with a small town sized populace vs a big shitty boat and 6 starving guys#both have the capacity to become case studies in madness. both could do really well thriller wise. but the scavs being a smaller group?#it only being the 6 of them emphasis the isolation perhaps. less variety. less change. same 6 people for 5(?) years#things could get weird fast. codependent mentalities. us vs them mindsets. an otherness about everyone else outside of their group#and then! then you add to the mix the fact that theyre eating/drinking from corpses?! *chefs kiss* awesome. love it.#non-stationary isolation + cannibalism. ough. perfect mix. a classic of maritime horror but in space! :D!#a big ship. small crew. living while knowing that as soon as you kick the bucket. your body is the meal. your body is the fuel.#no decorum about it. no faith. no belief. just perverse survival. bcs they might enjoy it. a bloody gluttony. with a bite. a sample. a taste#it takes seeing your buddy as a walking talking burger to another level. bcs every corpse you come across is also a burger. and a gas can#also fulcrum making candy out of corpses is so. particularly perfect when it comes to the horrifically absurd. just. smth about it. idk#but also also. the line. where was the line drawn for each of them? and when did they each cross it?#most of them dont seem like the type to jump head first into that. so how did they justify it to themselves? had they done it before?#and then. when did it become normal? a habit? smth enjoyable?#i might be running out of tags. but yeah. them being weirder. esp about each other and others.#nothing brings a group of people together like the overhanging knowledge that you sort of kinda wanna eat each other#(rlly wishing i could stomach realistic thrillers rn. but i just cant. gotta stick to written or artistic styles or risk panic attacks :/)#(ive tried a couple movies and shows now. and cant get through most of them. praise be synopses and peoples long rambles about them tho :D)#(nothing like reading someones passionate ramble about the meaning/symbolism of some gory nightmare without having to actually see it lol)
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after all these years i have a fucking Rock Job im so so hyped oh my fucking god i will have money
#nemi's vibes#truly just giving out life updates at the moment on here huh#but yeah i got hired yesterday!!!!!! i really like the company and the benefits are great#im gonna be doing structural geology consulting for building bridges and roadways which means FIELDWORK i need fieldwork#i wanna be outside so bad man#im so excited to have people to talk about geology with too like i went for a tour of the office and a lot of them have rocks on their desk#like FUCK i missed this i havent had geo buddies since college#i still like talking with randos it's fun! but it's different with people who Get It and we can talk niche stuff and whatnot yk#other news...still really addicted to stardew valley (shocker)#going to visit family out west for a week starting wednesday#telling myself i might write on the plane#ive been rereading e&t to try and get myself back into things#i will either write next chapter of e&t or another installment of castys & terror we will see what compels me#i have seen all the tags for games and shit and i WILL be doing them once i get back i appreciate them all <3#for now i need to write emails and then go back to farming game ough it grips me#but much love to all y'all!!!!!
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remembering that im gonna have to get my wisdom teeth taken out sometime next year and experiencing all 5 stages of panic
#like yknow you see so many videos of people completely out of it#or in a lot of pain after wisdom teeth removal#and i. do not wanna go through that#like. ...they will have to fully put me under dhkjsldkfjlsfs like im gonna have to be OUT#not even because of the anxiety stuff- straight up the dentist told me i'd have to go under#because idk my teeth are fucked or something#logically my parents and the dentist told me its not that painful and i wouldn't be that loopy after#and i should probably believe them buttttttttt i donttttttt#also im worried about like. getting so overstimulated from anxiety while they're trying to put me under#that i'll have a meltdown and they won't be able to do the procedure#cause ive recently realized. thats absolutely what happened the times i had to be like.#physically dragged/carried out of doctors/dentist offices as a kid cause i was ''tantruming''#and wouldn't let them do a procedure even though i knew it was necessary and wanted it to happen#it was only THIS YEAR that i realized that wasn't just panic. it was panic leading to a meltdown.#i haven't had that happen in a long time but also. i haven't been faced with a medical procedure in a long time.#(outside of needles of course but i've learned to handle needles just fine)#so idk how my body and brain will react when it comes to like. actually being there for the procedure#the fact there were multiple times i had to be physically held down by multiple people as a kid#while having a meltdown#so doctors could do things like draw blood or insert needles and stuff...#it like. obviously as previously stated now im okay with needles but like#those experiences being in my brain probably doesn't help
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OCTOBER DOODLE DUMP!!! Now more furry than ever before.
#art.jpeg#undescribed#oh boy lets get to tagging#oc.zip#guido mista#giorno giovanna#beastars louis#sheila e.#voodoo child#creeper#?#jjba#beastars#phf#minecraft#furry#¿? im not sure i ever tagged anything with furry but might as well start now.#like... it IS a fandom...#ive been drawing my fursona a lot#he's a white eared opossum... he's been mostly unchanged since i was like 13 which is insane to me#also uhh frame of reference for how i look the bottom row. YES including the minecraft creeper. SPECIALLY the minecraft creeper#id like to think im less pale but these days i feel like a vampire with how litle i go out.. i need to go outside more#also i whipped out the louis krita art in the middle specifically because i wanted to format the apuaou faggot giorno one so the text showe#- on preview. he's one of my favorite thinks to draw
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#yippee look at that its wander:33#i do not draw my boy enough#anyways ive been thinking a lot about how i wish there was someplace nearby to watch the sunset#specifically that also doesnt have a bunch of people because the entire point is to not do that#cause i like being outside but theres just nowhere to go where im not constantly surrounded by other people#and the entire point of going outside for me is to not worry about people for a little while#it is shockingly hard to be alone ever#because “other people” live in this house because “theyre my family”#and the odds of everybody going someplace but me are so very low#ugh god i hate that the only two things i want are to move out and move on and also to never have to leave#why does everything have to be some stupid fucking moral dilemma man i just wanna worry about dumb shit for once#ugh anyways yay drawing#i havent decided if i hate the background yet so we'll see#and enjoy my epic musical selection that i doubt anyone ever actually listens to but theyre still fun to add#art#drawing#digital art#furry#sfw furry#sfw furry art#furry art#digital drawing#oc#oc art#oc artwork#oc drawing#Spotify#my art
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went on a train :3
#maud pics#taffy tag#plushblr#jellycat#bashful bunny#second day in a row of going outside ..#im so tired .. ive been taking taffy out on a lot of adventures
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thank you @theehighwarlock for the tag!! (you changed your name!! i love it!!)
rules: put your repeat playlist on shuffle and let your followers choose which song they like best
tagging two friends who i know use spotify: @dottie-wan-kenobi @they-reap-what-we-sow <3 and anyone else who wants to do this!!
#theres so much niall!! tho ive been listening to his last two albums a lot recently bc i get rly sick of spotify's auto generated#playlists that only give me the same like 4 songs from the same 4 artists for every single playlist which annoys me to no end#like if youre gonna be going around calling something hot girl walk playlist then that must have different songs than sleepover playlists#and scream playlists and meditation playlists!!#the first maybe 6 months of regularly using spotify i was like ooh so much new music. and then every day after that has been like#same song by x. same song by x. same song by x. this isnt shuffle.#spotify has no idea what to do with you when you stop listening to the top 5 pop artists or when you try to go *just* outside one genre#anyway that's my spotify rant over lmao#tysm for tagging me!!! ive never checked out the on repeat playlist before so this was a fun adventure!!#tag games
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"my education is my highest priority" everything returns to vocaloid
#delete later#shitpost#vocaloid#?? idk i might keep it up. yes ik turning off rbs is a thing now technically but i always keep forgetting and also naaaah.#i might go edit proper tags in later just bc i dont this to show up in main pages but i needdddddd the organization on here#i made this a while back procrastinating on a linguistics reading and then never posted it#AND THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE BC IM POSTING IT NOW WHILE PROCRASTINATING ON ANOTHER LINGUISTICS READING LMAOO#dudeee i gotta lock in. oh my god. its so bad up in here triple assault. i cant focus on SHIT. WHY DO I ALWAYS GET IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY AHGHH#this might be revealing a bit too much info but pls this is legit what happened LMAOO 😭🥴#we're starting ipa alphabet stuff now and im like 'hey i already know you...' from phoneme fuckery ive had to do for voca shitposts#knowing linguistics is cool cause u get to dissect what makes languages work and i thought that'd be genuinely helpful for things#like i plan to do more english/spanish translation work specifically so yuh. but also I KNOW internally in my heart...#despite trying to give the professional justifications I KNOW my stupid ass is secretly just absorbing all this knowledge for voca purposes#my brand of shitposting goes against the very origin of the word since 'shitposting' originally refers to very low effort low quality memes#so there's been a semantic shift in definition even outside of mine but i still think its really funny. i put a lot of genuine hard work#into making stupid little jokes to amuse primarily myself and maybe anyone else who finds it on the internet. so yea#no but genuinely though its unironically incredible how much shit i've learned direct or indirectly for vocaloid shitposting purposes
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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Today's Daily Degurechaff is… playing with a beach ball
#theres been a lot of summer related posts lately bc ive actually been going outside what a miracle#dailydegurechaff#youjo senki#the saga of tanya the evil#tanya von degurechaff
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