#ive been watching it with our friend and like
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just had the realization that Inyuasha himself was baby-me's og gender envy
#said this out loud and the wife just 'yeah ive been waiting for you to notice this'#ive been watching it with our friend and like#how did i not realize this#how have i never known#'its the harmless shitty attitude and the long hair'#great#aesthetic#inuyasha#ftm#gender envy
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not to step where i dont belong but why do i see shippers and saiki aroace truthers beefing all the time ... guys :( .. guys PLEASE .. WE CAN HAVE BOTH. I WANTS BOTH CAKES.
#as a saiki aroace truther myself its impossible to deny his relationship with Kokomi#like theres SOMETHING there#they are CLOSE#besties or dating guys its anyones guess#saiki to me is def aroace but that doesnt mean he isnt close with people. he loves his friends. sees them as family.#i just think his perception of romance is Different#this also goes for most other ships with him too#a lot of that stuff gets lost in our traditional views of romance tbh even though that complexity makes it so so interesting#idk i think his like. apathy. is so key to him#a core trait hes trained into himself thatll take time to break down. let himself be more emotional. in his own way.#i want that to be in my damn romance !!!#PLEASEE#anyways i lost the plot a little bit#guys we can have ships and aroace people !!#two cakes !! two cakes !!#will admit tho i havent finished the show yet cus ive been Scared. ik ill be devistated when i finish watching so im putting it off#for the record i am on season 2. in the middle of it#how he uses romance as a tool actually is kinda supporting this. he just doesnt view it as the same as others. THAT IS INTERESTING TO ME MA#I LOVE IT BRO#anyways snzzzz#saiki k#saiki no psi nan
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we sang in the aeroplane over the sea tgth ☆
#27% circle line with a lovely friend of mine rail tracks screeching etc etc u know the usual. im just gonna write down memories#a few weeks ago my friend read thus spoke zarathustra by the fire to the music she was dancing it was her silhouette#against the flashlight lit up gold and royal blues and tiger's silk i tried not to fall in love with her. in bordeaux we searched#for pomegranates he sent her 300 quid by the beach she cut it open with a knife her hand covered in red we each had a taste of her work#sweet red wet the sweetest grit. too barely clothed to go into the cliffside church they painted my eyes we painted hers#8 shots of gin she screamed joyfully IT'S ALIVE! at the book she said become the child i said i feel like a monster she said i was insane#i tried to believe her. fortified wine and later a red pen crossword defiled by humidity her hair in my hands two king sized beds#pushed next to each other she took her top off she told us to watch her arms raised up the musculature on her back was precise cut from#marble we saw oceans we saw the birds take cold baths the midnight sun over a wasp-infested pool our chemicals in their bodies#gold flakes dark skin gold cross shoulders against mine drawing some form of each other on the train i didn't hesitate#to say her eyes were beautiful over and over monks at the soapshop with titanium credit cards i loved you like i loved no other#he tied his hair up and walked us into the river he held a bullet between his lips i never held his hand he said what an honour#you own too much capital your mother thinks i'm a natural i realised i haven't told my mother i loved her in years she's always been mother#never mom i'll watch you watch seaweeds this is terminal akrasia i'll feel your fingers smear perfume on my lips your girlfriend grins#bite into the straw take the shot hold my hand get it all wrong draw in the sand kiss him right stab through leather shower in chlorine#you're the determinable vicissitude is all yours we won the Game AND the Battle AND the War i'm proud of you like crazy we feed each other#saffron cliffside lovers well-fallen brothers fat cats blue windows southwest sun ALife SynBio design aXAA grow us a city in silico#we've grown to the ends of glee fire-jumper ocean-eater sure-footed lists on lists hands on eyelids не устану искать тебя#...anyway ive put my face on this blog b4 but hiii again#feel free to rb btw the rants r not personal
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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No no ikr. The ENT fandom is so quiet around here. And honestly I'm just excited to see art of my favourite dudes, because we rarely get fanart around here, and when we do it's usually Trip or T'Pol solely. Malcolm gets left in the dust quite a lot so I'm happy you drew him as well - and so well done too!
Anyway, ramble over, lol.
OMG... Well I think I can see why a lot of fanart is of Trip and/or T'pol (those two seem like they're doing some heavy lifting for the show/are just a lot of people's faves. I've got a few half baked ideas in mind for them myself.) but the rest of the crew as a whole do deserve more love I think! :]
#(I'm hijacking this ask to talk about some ENT thoughts in the tags LMAO sorry 😭🙏)#I've been watching it for the first time with some friends who are also watching it for the first time with me like 90% of the time.#When Reed was introduced we did our silly little “omg. why is he british 😰” jokes but personally-#he has grown on me a lot. Very much my type of character so far I think... :]#ive got a few sketches involving him that wont see the light of day because they require five levels of inside jokes from my watch party 😭#but god. for the most part I like all the main crew characters#the only one I'm not 100% on is archer and i dont even know how to articulate why.#like I don't HATE him. but he is also very fun to dunk on.#and i enjoy scott bakula very much. its crazy how like. not intriguing or charming I find his depiction of archer mmmmmost of the time#which sucks bc i KNOW it could be awesome. but its not really there for me yet.... oh well.#but god. i wish i could go back in time and force some improvements into the way the show was handled.....#my list of demands. quit the excessive sexualisation of t'pol and hoshi. can we PLEASE stop underutilising mayweather. and honestly-#i think a bit more dramatic visual variety between the main human cast would help a bit#now its time to end MY ramble yet again 😭 i feel like if i talk about ent for too long i'll inevitably start complaining-#despite me still having a mostly enjoyable time... all that stuff just really feels kicked up to 11 compared to previous treks tho 😔#but its only bc i care 💔 i see so much potential where the writers really borked their shit#telegraff#themurdochmemesteries#i might get around to a few more doodles or meme redraws but i can never guarantee anything when I have a whole queue of stuff-#that needs to be done before I can draw whatever I want. but by god. the ideas and concept drafts are there. 💪💪💪😤#:] <3
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if i havent made it obvious enough yet i really like friday night funkin
#this has been an interest of mine for a good couple months now i just havent been posting about it#ive actually been in and out of the friday night funkin fandom for a while now#like every now and then i revisit it to see if i can still play the songs#BUT IN JUNE#I STARTED PLAYING AGAIN#AND OH BOY#IT CAUGHT ME#i blame my good friend van#who is actually watching me type this textpost#but yeah we made it a goal of ours to get perfect on EVERY SINGLE SONG and now i have not been able to escape it since#im deep in the trenches#not to mention a new update came out a couple days ago so like perfect time to post about it#friday night funkin#cherry rambles#fnf
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me: just communicate lol its not that hard
me: I DONT WANT TO COMMUNICATE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#june speaks#MY ROOMMATE IS PISSING ME OFF SOOOOOO BAD#EVERY SINGLE DAY SHES CALLING PEOPLE IN OUR ROOM SO I NEVER GET ANY PEACE AND QUIET#LIKE SHE’S BEEN CALLING HER FRIENDS SINCE 8:30 AND IVE BEEN TRYING TO DO HOMEWORK AND JUST RELAX BEFORE BED#SHES NOT EVEN LOWERING HER VOICE LIKE GIRL MAYBE YOU HAVE ALL AFTERNOON CLASSES BUT NOT ALL OF US ARE SO LUCKY#SHE STAYS UP LATE SO LOUDLY SO OFTEN TOO LIKE SHES ALWAYS WATCHING VIDEOS AT NIGHT WITHOUT HEADPHONES. GIRL YOU HAVE AIRPODS. JUST USE THEM#AND SHES IN OUR ROOM LITERALLY ALLLLLL THE TIME LIKE I GET OUT TO GIVE HER PRIVACY BUT SHE IS ALWAYS FUCKING HERE. LIKE ALWAYS. I JUST WANT#TO BE ALONE FOR MORE THAN TEN MINUTES AT A TIME😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ITS BEEN ONLY A MONTH BUT IM GOING CRAZY SHARING A ROOM I FUCKING HATE THIS😭😭😭😭😭😭
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late night loneliness do be hitting often lately
#this time it's because i think i realised a friend of mine who ive known for 5 years really doesn't want to keep our friendship going#for past 2 years im initiating anything im always messaging first#and since august i decided to stop#and it's been silence between us ever since#only now on bigger groupchat when I mentioned that i caught up on arcane she messaged that she's watching it with a friend rn#so i guess she really moved on from old friends to new ones#i feel like im the only one who didn't gain any new friends and im just desperately clinging to those old ones#and at this point the only one left is my roommate besides her i literally don't have anyone#because when i tried to meet new people they either straight up said they're not looking for new friendships or are avoiding having any#friendly interactions outside the school setting#sigh
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#the last week ive been so down but#the last 24 hrs have been so sweet#my friend let me talk out my thoughts and comforted me then we watched a studio ghibli together even tho her footie was on#and then today#my senior apolygised that she missed my teaching yday and wanted me to send it over to her bc another senior said it was a good one#that other seniors facial expressions made me feel like i did a bad job at the time and iw as down but it was so nice to hear that!#my work friends memorised my coffee order and treated me to one#the staff on my current rotation r so lovely nearly everyones complimented me 🥹#and then one of my colleagues literally brightened my day after lunch - wasnt expecting it but he wanted a quick chat to tell me i made his#day yday#i also asked my work friend walking buddy if we can restart our after work walks and she said yes!!!
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the way i talk about the raimi movies youd think i was nostalgic for them and saw them as a kid or something i feel like i sound like one of those super diehard tobey bros. but not only did i not see them due to being months away from being born and two years old respectively, i also did not even watch them on home video until around the 2020s. i think.
#moth flies#i had watched itsv in 2023 again cos i was craving atsv#but even after that i was like 'well shit what now'#but i saw my dad had nwh loaded onto our pirate box#so i was like 'huh ive never watched this before lets see what i missed out on'#then uh. well. It Happened#because i know i had cultural knowledge of molina ock! i just dont remember how much or how i came into contact with this knowledge!#bc i remember my marvel friends getting hype for nwh and i was just like 'shoutout to doc ock' i have photographic evidence of this#i just dont remember how much i knew of him before 2023#it literally rewired my brain that impromptu watching of nwh#a switch flipped and it was like ive been a fan of spiderman all my life
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JUST SAW THE FNAF MOVIE LIFE IS AWESOME AND WORTH LIVING
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKFHSJFJDHFJJDJFHDJKFJDJFKFKJDJDJCMALDJHAKFLAHDLFKFHSKFKSHSHKSKFJSJJDKDJFKFKJDHDKDKDJJDKFJFHDJSLAKHDJFJSKFJJDKSHAGDJLGL#IM SO GLAD I WENT TO SEE IT IN THEATERS WITH MY FRIENDS WHERE WE COULD ALL FREAK OUT AT THINGS TOGETHER DJDHKGKDK#idc what anyone says this was the most fun ive ever had watching a movie#SPOILER WARNING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#WHEN GAME THEORY MATPAT CAME ON SCREEN FIDHFKKDHFKDKF#when he said 'its just a theory' WE ALL FLIPPED OUR SHIT SJFHKFKFJDHDJDK IM SO HAPPY#HE SAID IT HE SAID THE THING !!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!#all the little references and stuff RAAAAHHHH#william afton saying 'i always come back' was also like YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#so many 'HE SAID THE THING' moments KFHSKFKDKJFJDKD#im so sad markiplier wasnt in it that would have made it perfect idc#ik hes busy with iron lung but damn 💔 hes the KING of five nights at freddy's#this made the fnaf kid in me so happy HEHEJDHJDK#AND THEN THE LIVING TOMBSTONE AT THE END CREDITS#everyone shut up i loved this movie so so much#idc if its not 100% lore accurate bc the fnaf lore has been ass for years now KFHDKFKDJD
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omg the cute autistic/mutual friend at the party I was talking ab way back just moved into our building!!! I legit ran into him omw in and exchanged instas he is SO adorable and cute and I love him like I just wanna be around him so like tf I am SO HAPPY
#im not sure the post is even still up but me n my friends were just having a casual gettogether and i met him n my post was talking ab how#im glad no annoying autsitics have been introduced to me yet bc ive already met like 3 and theyre all either like#smart autistics or adorable autistics or interesting autistics and i have a crush on two of them including the cute autistic this post is ab#like im so HAPPY omg im gonna bug him so much its weird bc idk what u call the type of crush where its like im not searching for romance#but i will do anything to be in ur prescense bc i know id enjoy being friends or partners or whatever the fuck involves KNOWING YOU#idk lol#yutamayo is starting the day off right (#(its 3:47pm)#at the party we were playing Detroit Become Human anf he seems to also be a hyperfixation/skilled autistic bc he SLAYED at the game i just#enjoyed watching him speedplay at that point#and everyone was ig close enough with him to call him by a semiracist nickname bc hes indigenous n his last name wad apparently too long#so i was like NOPE and made sure to spell it out and resay it so i could say his last name properly instead of his nickname#im noy shading them bc its fine to have a close friend thing where ur able to have a joking nickname ab a characteristic like my bestie#calls me “it” sometimes and thats not something i dislike bc we KNOW each other and its the opposite of malicious intent#but yeah i wad likr nah id prefer to know how to say it#then it was like 3am anf there was only like 4ppl left n he was like yeah i gotta go bavk home to whitby apparently he was just gonna#use the electric scooters they have around town but thats like 30min away in the mf a.m#n he didnt wanna crash on our couch which isfine n everyone else was like mkay bye bc yhey wanted to sleep#n i was like NOPE and hunted down bus fare n waited with him at the bus stop for the night bus n made sure he got on it then never saw him#again#until#today#god fucking bless#*introduced to 3 autistics not 3 annoying autistics the post was ab how im gkad i havent met an annoying autistic in my buikding yet*
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need this strength at the end of this assignment
#its due tomorrow night and i am like halfway done#im so tired man its like 3am and ive been working nonstop since like thursday#i threw up the other day after a huge panic attack bc of this assignment#its a whole mess rn im just waiting for it to be over honestly#i need to get a passing grade on this assignment to pass the class bit the deadline is impossible#like the amount of work we had to do cannot physically fit into the time frame we were given#so we've been crunching for like a week which is. not having any effects on me 😁#no more stress pls i cant take it anymore i need to have fun i need to eat good food i need to laugh and be held and watch tv and play#and chase my friends around and smell fresh air and listen to good music and look at cool art and cook and dance and smile#work is over its time to play for the rest of our lives#ive been working since 9am which means ive been working for 17 hours#HEY#17 HOURS???????#fuck my prof for real wdym 17 hours of work#he tells us ''better time management'' i worked 12 hours every day on this assignment 9am to 9pm and i cant get it done. fuck you seriously
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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just cried in the shower thinking about my bf !! who have i become 😳
#love changes you!!!!!#anyways all i can think about these days is how i am restraining myself from telling him i am in love with him lol#weve been dating only like 2.5 months i feel like its a short time but at the same time i feel like ive been with him forever like it feels#like years… and we talked about it he feels the same…….. like ive had him in my life forever#the other night i brought him home and we always talk in the car for a very long time and at some point he just looked at me and said#something like ‘you know youre my best friend and my confidant.. i dont know what id be doing without you’ and i almost started crying#because i feel the same like we are best friends and then also everything else like physical attraction and all of that but we have so much#fun together 🥹#and it made me think of ‘you are in love’ by taylor swift when she says ‘one night he wakes/strange look on his face/pauses then says/#youre my best friend/and you knew what it was/he is in love’#🥺🥺🥺#sorry for being so corny i just love him so much#oh and since he works at a small cinema in our city he has the keys to the cinema… and we sometimes go there late at night when no one is#there and watch whatever movies we want in the theater lmao#the other day i wanted to start watchingthe office with him because he never watched it and i think hed love it but we ended up not being#able to watch it at my house… so that night he took his theater keys when we went out and took me to the cinema to watch the office there#🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 oof#anyways……. im so in love its embarrassing
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okay personal rant incoming i just need to get it off my chest, not expecting a reply or anything
one of my friends told me a couple of days ago that basically she feels like ive been sort of negative in the way i interact w her, and that she feels like i talk down to her. and ive thought about it so much and i feel like shit about it.
but ive also just realized that the both of us distanced a bit from each other and she did it bc of that and ive done it bc ive felt sort of the same from her? but i just sort of put it off as our vibes being different and that we just needed a bit of space from each other cause she was sort of hurting my feelings w things she said and i felt like i became the butt of every single joke?
so i think maybe we're both more sensitive than we've, like, understood each other as, and therefore the tone has become bad. and im definitely not taking away from my part of it im so sad that ive made her feel like that i hate that ive made her feel like that.
so idk if im gonna like try and talk to her again about it, cause she sort of sprung it on me and i just apologized like several times over cause ofc. but i always need like 72 hours to think about things to know what i feel and to understand, so now ik how i feel about it more i think, and understand maybe a bit why it has become like it has?
cause ik she brought it up to make it better and i feel like it won't be better if i don't speak my mind as well? but at the same time i don't want her to think im just trying to shed the blame and make her feel like im not taking responsibility for how she's felt.
it's also just so messy and awkward cause we live together and idk ive been depressed as shit lately so a part of what she said just felt like she was talking about me being negative in general as a person and it's just like, i understand but im also just doing my best and trying to put food in my body im sorry that there's been a negative vibe to me, the other stuff i feel bad about but just my energy like being low and not having it in me to joke around i feel like i shouldn't have to apologize for idk
#i hate that ive hurt her but she also brought up several examples that i would have never thought of as that serious#like one example was a couple of us tht live together watched kong x godzilla at home and i joined after like 15-20min and started joking a#bit about the movie (cause its a ridiculous fucking movie) and then the majority of us just continued joking throughout the movie like you#do w friends when youre just watching a movie for fun#and she felt it was disrespectful ig of me cause she was like excited to watch it#and i mean#i get that its in combination with other things and the general tone in our friendship#but also to me that is just so a non thing?#like i did not realize she was that sensitive#not that theres anything wrong w being sensitive#but its just been a miscommunication#and its also not like she hasnt joined when a couple of our friends and i have been watching movies that i really wanted to show them#and started commenting on like how the movie is made or things that dont make sense about it#and ive just pushed that aside cause sometimes the vibe just doesn't match and its just a movie#idk#and obviously ive not put everything shes said and everything ive felt and so on here in the post#but if anyone reads all this and had opinions/advice feel free to comment
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