#i get that its in combination with other things and the general tone in our friendship

[sistermp3old]

okay personal rant incoming i just need to get it off my chest, not expecting a reply or anything

one of my friends told me a couple of days ago that basically she feels like ive been sort of negative in the way i interact w her, and that she feels like i talk down to her. and ive thought about it so much and i feel like shit about it.

but ive also just realized that the both of us distanced a bit from each other and she did it bc of that and ive done it bc ive felt sort of the same from her? but i just sort of put it off as our vibes being different and that we just needed a bit of space from each other cause she was sort of hurting my feelings w things she said and i felt like i became the butt of every single joke?

so i think maybe we're both more sensitive than we've, like, understood each other as, and therefore the tone has become bad. and im definitely not taking away from my part of it im so sad that ive made her feel like that i hate that ive made her feel like that.

so idk if im gonna like try and talk to her again about it, cause she sort of sprung it on me and i just apologized like several times over cause ofc. but i always need like 72 hours to think about things to know what i feel and to understand, so now ik how i feel about it more i think, and understand maybe a bit why it has become like it has?

cause ik she brought it up to make it better and i feel like it won't be better if i don't speak my mind as well? but at the same time i don't want her to think im just trying to shed the blame and make her feel like im not taking responsibility for how she's felt.

it's also just so messy and awkward cause we live together and idk ive been depressed as shit lately so a part of what she said just felt like she was talking about me being negative in general as a person and it's just like, i understand but im also just doing my best and trying to put food in my body im sorry that there's been a negative vibe to me, the other stuff i feel bad about but just my energy like being low and not having it in me to joke around i feel like i shouldn't have to apologize for idk

[knoxic]

How to be a High Lady? part 2

Eris Vanserra x Mate!Reader

Summary: Reader's first meeting as a HL, Rhysand makes some comments and reader chews him out, then smut🤭

wc: 2k

warnings: Feysand slander, cursing and a shit ton of dialogue

a/n: the way there's so little of Eris here...sorry😔 but I'll make up for it if I make a part 3, with just the two of them, maybe their domestic lives and doing High Lord & Lady things in Autumn, idk maybe smut?

part 1

How they met

Their morning was slow, starting with lazy cuddles in bed followed by an easy breakfast. Her daily meditation helped gather her thoughts and feelings about the meeting ahead, when she focused on it, she could see flashes of messy handwriting and a dark room.

Dressing for the meeting took longer than she'd expected, Eris being the last one to finish so he could match her dress, it had turned into a habit now for him to combine his vest with her dresses or corsets.

After getting through her first meeting, their arrival this time was easier, not caring if people were staring at her or whispering behind her back, she knew today would be tough and her mind was set straight. They were the last ones to arrive, which was weird, she'd made sure they weren't late. The meeting started smoothly, but it didn't remain that way.

"I'm just saying, it'd be better if we cooperated..." Feyre chimed in when no one agreed with Rhysand's words. After hearing those contradictory words she couldn't not intervene.

"No offense, Feyre, but I don't think you're the best person to say that." She said, hoping that it wouldn't cause Rhysand to come for her neck yet. Feyre was stunned for a moment, clearly taken aback.

"And why is that?"

"We can't cooperate if the other part is deceitful."

"Are you calling my High Lady a liar?" Cassian roughly uttered.

"No." Her voice was steady, not showing any traces of fear, because this time she was, in fact, fearless. "I'm saying, how can we know if you're trustworthy when most of your court doesn't even trust you? How can we trust that you won't ruin our courts, like you've done before."

"Again you go speaking of my court." Rhysand growled. "You've been High Lady for a day and think you know everything. Tell me, you seem so sure of what goes beyond my wards... have you been in my court before?" Every word he spoke carried an generous amount of venom.

"No, and I have no desire to do so."

"Then how the fuck do you know so much? Are you a fucking witch or what?" His eyebrows danced showing how pissed he was, apparently not knowing everything seemed to have that effect on him.

The possibilities of what could happen depending on what she responded were running through her head, her first response would be to deny but if she did and they figured it out, which they probably would eventually, she'd be a treacherous witch and that was...

"Yes. I am a witch." The silence in the room was deafening, her ears were ringing, "And so far, my powers have only showed me objects in need of help, faes, humans... courts. I do what I can to help them–"

"I've lived in Night Court for centuries, I helped them, I made things better, I ruled them, you have no right to suddenly decide the way I rule my court is not enough, you don't know." Rhysand growled.

"But I do," her words were firm, matching his tone, "They're not my people and its not my court, but they need someone to care for them, most people in Hewn City have never seen the sky above their heads because they're trapped under a fucking mountain. Have it ever occurred to you that there may be innocent people living there? Children, like your son–"

"Watch it–" Azriel spat. She changed courses.

"Have it occurred to you that maybe they despise you because you never showed them empathy? Instead of trying to gain their approval by providing you could be a good High Lord, you locked them up." She never faltered, every word was spoken loud and clear.

Night's High Lord was fuming, if yesterday she thought his eyes promised death, now they were death. Sharp pain ran across the thick walls she built around her mind, as if claws had just taken a hold of her brain, causing her eyebrows to furrowed as a sharp gasp left her mouth. Thankfully, she spent years working on her mind and everything beyond, and with a strong spell to protect her body, it wouldn't be so easy for him to get through her mind.

"Rhysand!" Eris hissed, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder. She needed to act before Eris attacked him, it wouldn't be pretty.

"If you wanted to see it for yourself, you could've just asked." She teased, but it was true, she would've showed him if he wanted her to. She opened her walls and launched him every memories she had of his people, every small shot her gift had shown her of them.

Rhysand's mouth twitched, his frown deepening. She wasn't sure if it was from being unable to break his way through her mind or because the image she told him about was true. Feyre's expression soured and she could imagine that they were having a mind conversation right at that moment, maybe he showed her the images too.

"That's not true" She said. Was that not enough?

"But it is."

"Certainly you've been wrong before." Rhysand uttered, his voice close to a growl.

"No. If it's shown to me, it's true." If they still didn't believe, she might as well tell them how it works, "If I see something, it's because it has happened or will happen soon, I'm able to differentiate them and when I can prevent them from happening, I do. What I showed you has already happened– has been happening for centuries."

"Have you seen things from other courts?" Tarquin's voice was hesitant, "Summer?" He eyes the other High Lords, all of them silently agreeing with his question.

"Well, yes. I saw Spring's downfall but it was too late, and–" Eris' hot hand on her arm made her look at him, searching for any traces that could show he wanted to maintain secrecy, she found none. "Autumn's genocide."

"That's why you took over..." Tamlin whispered, looking at Eris who gave a simple, almost imperceptible, nod in response.

"How long have you been seeing our court in your..."

"Memories. They're memories, from other people, from now and from the future. A couple years, at first I tried to gather information about what happened there but... it was well hidden."

"Oh–"

"Why'd you never say anything? If you were oh so worried about them." Mor sarcastically spoke. For someone who knows what is like living there, she's embarrassingly hypocritical.

"Would it have changed anything? By the time I stopped looking for them, Feyre was already here. Things changed–"

"And she became High Lady, did you not think you could have talked to her, if you're so sure I wouldn't have done anything." She should be cautious, but then, she had been playing with fire for over a century now. She was almost vibrating with the need to speak what she really thought, but her neck was at risk.

"What, little witchy lost her words? Or did your gift make an appearance?" Rhysand smirked at her. Fuck it.

"Feyre was barely fae at the time and being honest... she doesn't even have that much credibility does she?" His smirk fell, the room filled with dense darkness, hands tried to grasp at her but were pushed back by the wards she'd silently set around herself and Eris, knowing they'd come for him too. It was ancient magic, not that easy to break.

"Rhysand! Stop!" A chorus of commands for him to control himself. Eris' and Helion's power lit up the spacious room, the latter using his powers to hold and push Rhysand back, extremely bright light making the room clear again, after all, he was in his home court. In the midst of darkness, Eris had pulled her to her feet to stand behind him, their hands wrapped around the other's waist.

"If you can't control yourselves I suggest you leave, go fight somewhere else!" Helion shouted.

"Helion, I think this is a matter for our meeting, if she knows things, we should hear." Kallias spoke calmly, not trying to set any of us off, he glanced in Rhysand's direction, who was being held back by Feyre with a hand on his arm. Helion seemed to ponder Kallias words, eyeing her and Rhysand and their mates.

"Fine, behave, or I'll ban all of you."

"You can't possibly think I'll just stand and whatch her talking about my mate like that!" Rhysand spat incredulous, Feyre tapped his arm to gather his attention.

"Let's listen to what she has to say." Feyre said, looking back at her friends, trying to hold them back, Mor leaned back against Feyre's chair, where she'd been since they arrived, she'd gladly stand back and watch as Cassian and Azriel ripped Eris to pieces.

"Bullshit, obviously." Their General uttered, still staring her down until Eris blocked his view of her.

"Alright, continue..." Rhysand spoke, staring her up and down before sitting back in his chair, Cassian watched him before stepping back, Azriel still glared at her as he did the same. Clearly Rhysand had just told them to back off. "Go on. What were you saying about my High Lady?" She calmly pulled back from Eris, gently grasping his hand and pulling him so they could sit back down too, taking a deep breath before signing their 'enemies' certificate.

"Your own 'Inner Circle' doesn't respect her commands, how would she change the way a whole city runs?" Rhysand banged a hand against the arm of his chair while Feyre's mouth fell open, his growl echoing through the room before he lunged forward.

"Out, now!" Helion stood up and pointed to the door, "Now, Rhysand."

Rhysand was practically foaming when he left, snatching a hand around Feyre's waist before winnowing out, the other three following quickly after giving her nasty looks, if she didn't know them, she'd think they were cursing her. The tense atmosphere in the room was rough to bear.

"Are you alright?" A soft voice asked her. Viviane.

"Yes."

"That was really brave, badass." She smiled.

"Brave indeed, I can't tell if you're lucky or just that powerful. I don't know how you're still alive..." Thesan laughed incredulous.

"She wouldn't defy him if she didn't know she could take it." Eris smirked, squeezing her hand in reassurance. While she was bragging about her, she noticed Helion with his fingers massaging his temples.

"We can leave if you want, I'm sorry if we made you uncomfortable," talking a look around the room she noticed all of them looking at her, "any of you."

"I think Rhys needed someone to throw the shit he does to his face, none of us were really able to do it, you did, and it was nice to watch." Tamlin said, amusement written all over his face.

"I agree, the Inner Circle has done and said things we don't agree, but any time we tried to mention it they'd just turn the situation over, would pretend it didn't happen that way or that it wasn't so bad. Rhysand and Feyre both need to see that they're not as good and right as they think they are, someone to humble them could be of use." Tarquin smiled lightly and gave her a wink.

"Do they really not respect her? I had seen signs of it but... they seem so close that I just brushed it off." Helion waved a hand while speaking.

"Is not that they don't respect her, I think they just don't take her seriously. I mean, compared to them she is still a child, she grew up too soon but she's still immature. I don't know why Rhysand made her a High Lady but it doesn't change the fact that, he gave her the title, she didn't know anything about being a High Lady and barely knew anything about our world. Maybe she'd make a good one if she knew what to do, but she just sits and lets her judgment be set by what Rhysand says." She seemed to have a talent to make people go quiet. After a moment of silence, everyone pondering what they just heard, Day's High Lord spoke.

"You're definitely something."

[withahappyrefrain]

I wish you would write a fic where … Venus is in the Navy and there’s where she and Jake meet each other (she doesn’t need to be a pilot but I’m dying to see how it would be if she were a fellow Navy personnel)

k bye love you

Fe the way this has been marinating in my brain! This an amazing idea I love it!

"This is so fucking stupid," Jake muttered as his squad gathered together. It was only the fourth time he had complained about it today, but fourth time’s the charm, right? 

Even if he was silent (rare but possible), the annoyance practically radiated off of him. Gone was that signature smirk and in its place his lips were drawn in a thin line, eyes narrowed as he kept his arms firmly crossed over his broad chest. 

"You realize that this has nothing to do with whether they think we're good or not, right?" Natasha asked, rolling her eyes. 

"And see, that's where you're wrong because it absolutely does. If they thought we were good enough, they wouldn't think we needed training from them," Jake explained, his voice coated in a vexing tone. 

"It's their whole job, you do realize that? Right?" Reuben asked, shaking his head. The whole squad had gathered outside the doors, wanting to come in together before the first meeting. What they didn’t think about was that it meant being forced to hear Jake. 

Most of the squad was fine with the Star Warriors coming in to help with training. Some were even excited. 

And then there was Jake. 

Jake who could only shake his head as he clenched his fists and rolled his eyes, "I don't care whether it's their job or not. It's the fact they think we seriously need training that's insulting."

"Well, I'm excited to meet them!" Bob piped in, hoping to break the tension, "I've heard great things about the Star Warriors."

"Yeah, really great things," Bradley said a bit too gleefully, ignoring the death glare from Jake, "Did you know on the Star Warriors is Venom, the only other pilot-"

"Knock it off Bradshaw,” Jake snapped, his tone sharp. 

"of this generation that has an airstrike kill? Therefore, breaking our beloved Bagman's record and making him eternally jealous?"

"I am not jealous!" Jake snapped, "Besides I read the report. It was all pure luck, not much skill, if any."

Sure, it hurt a little, truly a miniscule amount, when Jake learned he was no longer the only one who had achieved such a rare accomplishment. But after reading the report, he knew he was still the better pilot.

No jealousy at all. That would be ridiculous to hold against a person he’s never met, never even seen before. 

"So you're jealous," Phoenix smirked, "Well I'm excited because it has the highest number of women in a Navy squad and frankly this place needs more women.”

"If you tell anyone I said this, I'll deny it. But," Bradley's voice dropped to a whisper, "Mav had a fling with the Captain of the squad back in the day."

Everyone gasped, well, everyone except Jake.

"There's no way Mav was able to pull Penny Benjamin!" Natasha whispered, "Dude, I had her picture on my wall when I was a kid!"

It was purely because Captain Penny Benjamin was an idol for all girls who wanted to join the Navy. Being one of the first female pilots to fly in a combat mission will do that. Nothing to do with her looks. 

Maybe a little. 

“It was before she enlisted. But yeah, that's why he told us to all be on our best behavior,” Bradley explained, reveling in the fact he could contribute to the hot gossip for once.  

Mickey snorted, “He has been looking like he's about to shit his pants at any moment.” 

Javy looked over his shoulder just in case the short instructor was looming by, “You think he still wants her?”

“Considering he’s been trying to follow Cyclone’s orders for the last couple days? I’d say so,” Bradley smirked. 

“We should get in there before they take the front tables,” Jake said, crossing his arms. That,  combined with the small pout on his face made Jake resemble a child that had been told there was no more cake. 

At least that’s how Bob saw it. Not that he would say it out loud (yet). 

As the squad went inside, they stopped when they noticed the front four tables had a piece of paper on them, each saying ‘RESERVED’ in bold letters. 

“He reserved the front tables for them?” Jake whispered, not even bothering to hide the disgust in his voice. 

“Oh, he wants her bad,” Mickey chuckled as he took a seat next to Reuben. 

“You think?” Bob muttered as he got out his paper and pad. He didn’t mind the seating change because it gave him a better chance to observe. An act of subtlety that Jake would probably never learn. 

“Careful Seresin, there’s steam coming out of your ears,” Bradley whispered as he sat down at the table across from Jake and Javy. 

“It’s just some tables, don’t worry,” Javy assured his best friend, internally praying that Jake would be able to keep his cool for once. Today, of all days, was not the time nor place for Jake to lose his temper, or worse, push others to do so. 

Jake sneered, ignoring Bradley’s comment as he got out his notebook. Checking his watch, he already felt better- this supposedly ‘amazing’ squad was five minutes late. 

Maverick said something about issues with parking. 

“Typical,” Jake muttered. This supposedly ‘elite’ squad couldn’t figure out parking?

“Maybe they could have parked if your car didn't take up three spaces,” Bradley remarked, as if he could read Jake’s mind.

“My car is not that big,” Jake defended. Some called his Jeep Wrangler an ‘eyesore’. Jake didn’t think his colleagues had any right to judge his car, Bradshaw in particular. 

Natasha rolled her eyes, “Your parking is heinous. How many spots did you take up today, Seresin?”

“One!” Jake rolled his eyes, “And a half.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”

The sound of the door opening saved Jake from further scrutiny. There in the doorway stood Penny Benjamin and her supposedly elite crew. He saw the captain of his squad straighten up, clearly hoping to add a few inches to his height. 

There were many women, more than one usually sees in a Navy squadron. That alone was enough to turn one’s head. 

But one  in particular stood out to Jake. 

She was right behind Penny, standing tall as she walked into the room. She was striking with her amber eyes and dark hair pulled back in a sleek ponytail. There was an air of confidence about her; she had no trouble standing tall in the front of a room full of strangers. 

“Thank you for your patience. My squad and I are honored that we get to work with you,” Penny Benjamin smiled as she addressed the group, “We've heard many great things about this squad.” 

“And we've heard many wonderful things about yours,” Maverick said. Jake fought the urge to roll his eyes, not wanting to stop looking at this  mystery girl. Her plush lips had formed into a tight smile as her eyes continued to scan the room. The dark green of her flight suit was striking against her sun kissed skin. 

When they landed on Jake, he was ready with a bold wink and a dazzling smile. Laying on the Texan charm, as he always did. 

She rolled her eyes, whispering something to the blonde haired woman next to her. 

Huh. That usually did the trick. 

Jake wasn’t nervous. He liked that she remained strong. It spoke volumes of her focus. 

Oh fuck, she smiled. 

Whatever the woman next to her whispered, it made his dream girl’s eyes light up. Her cheeks rounded as a grin overtook her face. It was one, if not the, most beautiful sight Jake had ever seen. And he had seen sunsets and sunrises all over the globe. 

Shit, he was nervous. He shifted in his seat, looking down at his boots. His face felt warm, was he blushing? She didn’t even smile at him and he was blushing. 

Fuck. 

“I’ll let my team introduce themselves. This way we can all be some sort of name basis, be it callsigns or our government names,” Penny explained, earning a chuckle from Pete that Jake would normally gag at. Instead, he remained poised, eyes remaining on the beautiful woman that was standing next to Penny.  

The first woman to step forward had long blonde hair swept into a ponytail and eyes bluer than the sky. She was striking and normally what Jake would go for. But today was proving to be different. 

“Lieutenant Camellia Garcia. Callsign Cielo,” She said with a sweet smile, her eyes remaining on Mickey. 

He returned the smile, ignoring the playful nudge Reuben was giving him. 

“Wait, is that your wife?!” Javy blurted out, earning a giggle from Penny’s squad, along with Natasha, Bob, and Reuben. It was known Mickey’s wife was also in the military, though he didn’t make her area widely known. 

“No, they just have the same last name for funsies,” Natasha commented, forcing Bob to stifle a laugh. Bradley continued to look bewildered (not that Nora minded). 

“Yes, we do have a pair of lovebirds together. But after Penny and I discussed it extensively, we realized it shouldn’t be a problem,” Pete explained. 

Camellia turned her head to face the smaller Captain, “It was never a problem Captain.” 

“That’s my Cielo,” Mickey muttered under his breath, making zero attempts to hide how pleased he was. 

A woman with military issued glasses was next to step forward. Her doe eyes had been scanning the room while Penny spoke, always alert.  “Lieutenant Nora Anderson, weapon systems officer. Callsign Birdie.”

Bradley’s ears perked up upon hearing her callsign. Immediately, he straightened up, leaning forward as his eyes remained intensely on her. He might as well have cartoon hearts in his eyes. 

Birdie definitely noticed, looking away immediately after locking eyes with the mustached pilot, a red flush overtaking her face.  

Amateurs, Jake thought. After that brief moment, he regained his composure, arms crossed as he moved his toothpick around with his mouth. You never make it obvious. 

He was very obvious. 

After Birdie, a woman with curly hair stepped forward. With her shining hazel eyes and bright smile, the only word that could best describe her was adorable. 

“Lieutenant Maeve Castellanos. Callsign Athena.” 

Great, now Bob was staring. Fucking Bob, Baby on Board, of all people, with his cheeks bright red and blue eyes having turned into the living embodiment of hearts. 

They were all falling one by one. Soon Jake would be the only one standing strong. He could only shake his head at his coworkers before diverting his attention back to the Goddess that was next to Penny. 

Finally, she stepped up. She smiled confidently as her eyes scanned the room before speaking in a self assured tone, “Lieutenant Commander Danica Morales. Callsign Venom.”

Oh. 

As Penny’s crew moved to sit down, Jake’s coworkers turned to him, expecting an annoyed look plastered on his face. 

Instead, his eyes seemed to be…shining? Rather than a scowl, his lips had formed into what could best be described as Jake’s signature ‘shit eating grin’. 

“Huh.” Was all he let out. It wasn’t one of confusion, if anything it reeked of satisfaction, which was odd considering how irritated he was 15 minutes ago. 

“Do you have something you’d like to add, Lieutenant Seresin?” Penny asked, much to everyone’s dismay- Pete’s particularly. 

Jake straightened up, leaning forward over the table, resembling someone who was about to sweet talk a bartender rather than a Captain. 

“I’m just honored to be working with you all, particularly Lieutenant Commander Morales. You know, it’s not every day the best meets the best.” 

If looks could kill, Jake would already be dead. Not just from Danica, but from the eyebrow raises and baffled looks from the rest of his squad.  If it bothered Jake, hell, if he even noticed, he wasn’t letting on. He simply smirked, eyes remaining on who he once described as his rival. 

“However, I do have to say something,” He began. 

“Please don’t,” Bob muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose to prepare himself for whatever bullshit was about to flow out of his coworker’s mouth. 

“They made a mistake with your call sign. Venom doesn’t suit you,” he explained as if it was obvious. 

Maeve scoffed, “Clearly you’ve never heard her over comms.”  

Bob now owed Nat ten bucks after claiming there wasn’t a girl on Penny’s squad for him. 

Jake ignored the comment, continuing to talk much to everyone’s dismay, “It should have been Venus. After your beauty.” 

The room was so silent, you could hear a pin drop. 

Danica tilted her head to the side in an attempt to comprehend Jake’s words. Whereas the 45 degree angle tilt seemed to help her cat, Rugelach, understand things, it did not when it came to understanding Jake fucking Seresin. 

“Is he….” Nora turned to Maeve, absolutely bewildered, “....on something?”

Maeve rolled her eyes, “Unfortunately no, he had to pass a drug test to be here.”

Nora’s eyes widened, “So he’s….he just said that sober?”

“Welcome to the club, it doesn’t get better,” Bob muttered. Maeve gave him an apologetic smile, making the bespectacled WOS blush, eliciting an amused smirk from Natasha. The moment was a great reprieve from the fuckery that was their blonde teammate. 

Bradley leaned over, “If you want Nora, I can give you the rundown on Seresin after this briefing.” He could barely hide his excitement as a blushing Nora timidly nodded her head. If Danica hadn't been twitching over Jake's words, she would have given her WSO a knowing wink and nudge. 

Camellia turned to her husband in disbelief, “Does he do this often?”

Mickey shook his head, “This is new for all of us Cielo.” His words brought little comfort. 

Penny turned to Pete, lips drawn in a thin line as she contemplated filing a sexual harassment charge. If looks could kill, Jake would have died by Pete Mitchell if Danica hadn’t already killed him with her glare. 

“You….” Danica started, closing her eyes for a brief moment to prepare herself, “You’re honored to work with me?”

Jake smiled, showing off his bright veneers teeth, “Of course. How could I not be?” 

“Even though my achievement was just, in your words, pure luck?” 

The echo of his past words caused the smile to drop from Jake’s face, his brow knitting together in confusion, “I’m sorry darlin’, I don’t understand-”

“That’s what you’ve been telling everyone. That it was all pure luck, no skill,” her lips curled into a confident smirk, eyes narrowing as she continued to stare at Jake, “Word gets around Lieutenant Seresin, especially with a mouth as big as yours.”

With that, she simply turned around, ignoring the once cocky pilot who now had a gob-smacked look on his face. 

As well as a raging erection, but she didn’t need to know that. 

Jake couldn’t tell you what the rest of the briefing was about. What he did know was that Danica Seresin had a beautiful ring to it. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

@gretagerwigsmuse @blue-aconite @princessphilly @mxgyver @wildbornsiren @perfectprettypisces @percyjackson1d @cinderellasmissingshoes @imdreaminghere @idontcare-11 @rae-gar-targaryen @satans-firstborn @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer

[emoangel44]

HI RAXZ IT TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED AS IT'S BEEN A WEEK BUT!!! DURING ALL THAT I DIDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR FIC/S It's just one of those pieces of fanwork that leaves so much of an impression on someone, that it just ends up sticking and changing what you initially thought of a character, because of how well done the things most would just move aside or chalk up for simple reasons. you seem to be the only person who really does get Chara like no other, and I hope it's not strange to say you write them almost as if you know them or you are them that I'm sorta afraid nothing else will live up to how you written them and asriel in ur fan fic LOL but no matter... i will prevail. I love how you were able to portray charas self hate and self harm, i love how you didn't hold back on the ugly side of it and how far and disturbing it can be especially for someone as young as chara. There's just something so realistic about it that don't see alot anywhere else. 

I also like how you made asriel be childish, childish in a way a kid can be bratty or selfish(?) in the first half, that might not be a good descriptor but my puter is lagging from the many many words I've written for this ask so I'm making do </3 the point is you really know how to write these kids. Also enjoy that the tone of each fic is starkly different from one another, asriels pov feels grounded in comparison to charas inner thoughts

HOPEFULLY this all makes a little sort of sense, I've read both of ur fics three times so I'm praying it does, amen. ANYWAYS……. Love ur brain, would love to hear any thoughts you have on utdr in general if you ever decide to share em…. godbless. perhaps i couldve worded this better in a diffrent time but oh well, we ball. i hope u have a great day emoangel44🫡 will be looking forward for ur new utdr stuff

FIORE!!! i have been waiting for this day.. thank you so much. ive had several people say that i really get chara including like, literal veteran chara fans. its very nice to hear, theyre pretty important to me as a character. which is rather funny because the only analysis ive ever actually written on them that wasnt fanfiction was an essay on how i think theyre kind of actually a little poorly written LOL. to understand someone you have to know their weakpoints i guess... even if on a meta level.

for my asriel interpretation i try to incorporate a lot of "flowey-isms" as i say. the way i see asriel is that he was always a bit of a bratty, selfish kid that struggled with low empathy. he chooses to do what he thinks is right because he knows its right and not because it provides him with positive feelings himself... i think thats even more admirable. as opposed to this is think chara is high empathy which is part of the reason they did what they did. asriel is just way more of a people person than chara and so comes off as more understanding, charas just naturally a bit off-putting no matter how hard they try not to be.

chara and asriel are quite different people so i tried to make that clear in how i write their perspectives. chara is kind of stuck in their own head and lives in a world with walls of misery and think prose. theyre very direct but also very metaphorical. its a weird combination but it gets easier to write when taking in account their canon dialogues (one day youll get a fic from me with a more light hearted tone where chara will get to make their dog puns and nerd jokes. maybe). this is also the reason i write them with a strange mix of first and second person. it just feels natural for our narrator.

asriel on the other hand is much much more of an emotional person and is much less formal in how he thinks. he has a lot more filler words and "i-think"s and "i-feel"s and such.

i figure ill write a bit on what inspired each fic.

for my chara fic, i actually started writing it while bored in class. it was inspired a narration line in one of the fights in undertale, the one i used for the summary. the main thing i wanted to play with was metaphors and metaphors upon metaphors. mainly related to charas self hatred though the lense of soil and dirt and flowers and gardens because of course.

for my asriel fic, the main thing i wanted to play with was, quite obviously, writing from asriels perspective. i had already written 2 fics from charas perpective (the 1st one isnt as good as the other two and was mostly written as a characterization and perspective test) so i figured it was time to give him a turn, especially since it we only realy got a peak and asriels personality through charas eyes and i wanted to show it off more. the other thing that the fic ended up centering on is something my friend said to me about how they felt my chara characterization was screaming to be understood under all the hurt. basically the thesis of this fic is "asriel did not fully get chara but he was also the closest anyone ever got by a long shot which counts for something".

if youd like to see my other undertale stuff, here is some poetry ive written about chara (and asriel), here is my art tag which is full of stuff with them (alternatively, just use my undertale tag if you dont want art of anything else), here are my chara and asriel playlists that i always listen to while writing, and here is that chara essay i mentioned.

speaking of my thoughts on utdr... i actually dont post the majority of them. but id absolutely love to talk about them. so if you (or anyone else) have any questions about my thoughts on utdr or want to start a discussion about it Please do. Im actually begging you. i need more engagement guys send me asks. thank you for reading this absurdly long response

[bodyalive]

Sarah Neville: Stepping into Rita Charon’s studio, in a Jazz Age-era building in Greenwich Village, I get a quick impression of a white-walled space bathed in the sunshine from two large windows that offer a sweeping view over the Lower Manhattan skyline. Everything in the room seems considered, from the Bach playing in the background to the paintings on the walls. One of them, “The Doctor”, is an idealised Victorian depiction of a devoted medic ministering to a child while anxious parents look on. It used to hang in Charon’s father’s office.

My meeting with Charon, founder of the “narrative medicine” movement that trains health professionals to use the power of storytelling in their work, is one I’ve been contemplating for 20 years. How, I’ve wondered, can such a humane approach fit into the time- and cash-constrained world of 21st-century healthcare? And who is this woman who, sometimes unsung, has done so much to change the way we think about the doctor-patient relationship?

Then, just as we sit down, I realise I’m setting out to tell the story of a practised assimilator of other people’s stories. At the core of her work, she says, is “what happens in the actual [moment of] two humans sitting, contacting one another with language, with the embodied self”. So we begin. Charon graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1978 and began practising general medicine. In the late 1980s, she started doctoral studies at Columbia University, focusing on Henry James and the role of literature in medicine. The work of the second half of her life has been to bring these two superficially oppositional realms together. She believes the emotional and imaginative insights contained in literature, art and music can transform the way healthcare workers treat patients and each other. Around 1990, she began teaching narrative medicine at Columbia and in 2009 launched a masters degree in the subject, the first of its kind. Since then, her approach has been deployed by healthcare practitioners across the US and abroad, from Greece to China. Formal evaluations have shown it improves participants’ capacity for reflection, in one study even reducing racial bias.

Charon tells me that for decades doctors were taught to conform to a model of ‘detached concern’ Her father, a doctor in Providence, Rhode Island, was an important influence. At one point, she goes to a filing cabinet containing all his medical records, which she acquired after he died. This part of his life had always been shut off to her; the close community in which they lived meant confidentiality was especially vital. But it turned out that his files combined the usual medical notations with far more personal references. It seemed to reflect a recognition that ailments could not be divorced from the wider context of their sufferers’ lives. Inspired, Charon began making more fulsome and impressionistic notes about her own patients.

The practised narratologist, she says, can pick up a lot in a short period, even at a time when there is pressure on doctors to keep appointments as brief as possible. “As you develop your skills of attention, you will notice things about your patients. You will be listening at a much higher pitch.” As doctors, the human body is, she says, “our material . . . I’m sitting here looking at you, noticing how you sit in the chair.” Emboldened, I ask what else she has picked up about me. She has spotted that my purple outer coat tones with the pink lining of my jacket: “You have taste because you’re not just helter-skelter putting the aqua with the olive green.” She has noticed my eyes: “Mostly the expression is filled with curiosity.” My sense of her, which deepens over the next three-and-a-half hours, is of a woman with a vast well of compassion, lit by a righteous fury about the inequities of US healthcare. “In Yiddish, we call it the Shanda, which is ‘the shame’. The shame of the system,” she says. “More and more clinicians . . . feel they’re being used by their employers. They know they’re doing shoddy work . . . They get tired of saying, ‘I’m sorry, I can only listen to one complaint per session. Bring that up the next time.’”

Truly listening to patients can be transformative, she says. “Patients on the whole really know what they need.” She recalls a young woman with poorly managed diabetes who arrived in her consulting room angry and frustrated. “I did my routine, which is get away from the computer, put my hands in my lap. Don’t write. Just say, ‘I’m going to be your doctor. Tell me what you think I should know.’” The woman looked as if she was going to cry but pulled herself together and glared. “You really want to know what I need? I need a new set of teeth.”

It was only then Charon noticed she’d had her hand covering her mouth as she talked. She had no upper teeth. Instead of fussing with the woman’s insulin levels, Charon arranged for her to be seen in the university’s dental clinic. “She shows up in a couple of months, and she is dazzling. She started a [catering] business in her house. Her [blood] sugars were better than they had been in a while. And she was much more active — she’s going to parties, she’s dancing! It was such a lesson to me. Why on earth would you start anywhere else but ‘Tell me where we should start’?”

I’m intrigued by the extent to which this approach requires an inversion of the traditional power relationship between doctor and patient. She tells me that for decades doctors were taught to conform to a model of “detached concern”. In fact, “engaged concern is going to get you farther than detached concern. Detachment looks an awful lot like coldness.” Instead, Charon believes in making space for the imagination. “The more you exert your own creativity, the better your medicine will be. It’s making leaps . . . I don’t like the word intuition because it sounds like magic. But the ability to see the known from the unknown — that’s what poetry does.”

In the early 2000s, Charon tried something new. After finishing a consultation and making notes like any doctor would, “I would turn the keyboard and the monitor around and say, ‘I know what I saw. But please finish the note.’ I would leave them alone for five minutes, and they wrote the damnedest things!” A college professor wrote “that she knew that she was a good teacher and that this really gave her pride.” The sentiment astonished Charon because it had not surfaced during their conversations, which had been dominated by the woman’s health woes and difficult relationship with her daughter. An idea occurs. As I am drawing our conversation to a close, I ask her to finish this interview. Is there anything else I should know? She confides that after she quit her practice in 2015 to concentrate on running her programme at Columbia, she felt an overwhelming sense of relief that she could hand over responsibility for her patients. (“Somebody else is going to worry about Lucy.”)

It was several weeks before she identified the gap that had opened up in her life: “I was terribly missing the chance to do random acts of kindness.” As a physician, the scope for moments of generosity is “drastic”, she says, whether ringing a patient’s sister to update her, helping put someone’s socks on after an examination or rubbing the feet of a terminally ill patient. There is something heartbreaking about the disproportionate gratitude these interventions elicit, she says. “I think their expectations for us are so low.”

Narrative medicine can, she suggests, endow clinicians with the ability to see an issue from multiple perspectives, a power she likens to “the compound eye of the fly”. It can help them to understand and value those they care for in all their uniqueness and complexity. “We ought to treat every patient as the deepest mystery,” she says.

Sarah Neville is the FT’s global health editor

[jtl07]

jtl07 fics, 2023 round up(ish)

So I do an admittedly intense EOY reflection / SOY preparation every December but I’ve never really done a review of my writing for the year. Part of it is that, after over a decade of not writing fic, I didn’t start writing fic again until 2021. Crazy enough, my output this year was more than those two years combined (almost twice over!).

Tbh part of me almost felt guilty to realize that. I mean, here I am, recovering from one of the hardest times in my life, writing fic. But then a small part of me whispered, what’s wrong with that? Just because I’m healing doesn’t mean I have to suffer.

So I’m trying to take joy in what I’ve done this year and honestly, I’m proud what I’ve written. I truly cannot pick out a favorite because all of them mean so much to me. As I mentioned in the last fic review, reading and writing fic has played a huge role in how I process things and express myself; to have had this time to relearn how to write (with all its frustration and joy), to discover new things, to explore new characters, to connect with so many folks, it’s meant a lot. It’s helped me move forward, it’s helped me hold on.

So thank you - you, reading this, y’all who’ve read anything I’ve written, who’ve liked and left kudos and comments and messages - thank you, so, so much.

[some stats and random thoughts under the cut]

Because I’m me, I went into nerd-mode and used Flamebyrd’s ao3 bookmarklet to pull my fic stats earlier this month. I drew up some tables and charts and used lots of colors (what’s a spreadsheet without conditional formatting?)

(just one of the many sheets in the workbook I drew up lol)

After looking at different interactions (hits, kudos, comments, percentages of each), I came up roughly with my “top” fics and “bottom” fics (focusing on avatrice fics because that was the bulk of my writing this year).

Top 5:

Customer feedback surveys for Bar La Vasseur

past tense, future perfect

that melts the blood inside our veins

looks for you in everything (finds you there)

propose (now am found)

I’m not surprised by the surveys fic being at the top - I still giggle at that one and it gets kudos pretty regularly. It’s easy to read with a unique premise and I’m generally happy with the execution.

I am surprised, however, that propose shot up so high so quickly - the top three had been published early in the year (Feb-Mar) but propose was posted just last month. I suppose there was something about the premise - a different take on an Avatrice proposal - that must have resonated with folks.

Bottom 5: 18. so different now from what it seemed 19. we both know how this ends 20. the long, delirious, burning blue 21. late night vigil 22. can’t go back

I’m curious about the ranking of some of these fics - for example, that melts the blood inside our veins was my first amnesia fic and is in the top 5, but my second amnesia fic, so different now from what it seemed, is in the bottom 5. Perhaps it’s the difference in premise, perhaps the execution - who knows. (I’m not mad, just “huh.”)

I’m not surprised about the others though: a video game crossover, a military propaganda movie AU, an Avatrice+Cam threesome (fun fact: the doc title was simply “ABC” for a while lol), and a moody “what if” speculation - none of them fit the mold of “popular” lol

Now that I think of it, though, I did try new things with some of these fics: the tone and action of we both know how this ends is one I don’t usually do; I rarely do a retelling of other media (I know the long, delirious, burning blue doesn’t follow the Maverick movie exactly but still), not to mention having that twist at the end; I’m still very much learning how to be comfortable writing intimacy (I still don’t know where late night vigil came from lol); and can’t go back was an exercise that stretched my brain thinking of the different ways Beatrice’s life could have changed.

Slight tangent: I am, however, surprised that pocketful was so low - it’s #17 in the rankings (it’s just shy of 900 hits as of this writing) - only because I thought it got quite the heartwarming response initially. I received some of my favorite comments on that one (though to be clear, I love all the comments I receive! Such gifts, comments) That said, I can acknowledge that the premise does sound a bit odd. I mean, cmon, a fic about pockets? What even?

That said, I can’t promise that my ideas won’t be any less weird next year lol. There are some ideas that I think will carry over but I’m certain there will be plenty of new and unusual ideas that will pop into my head in the year to come.

I also can’t promise that my output will be as high as it was this year, what with some upcoming changes to my life (new job! moving, hopefully relatively soon, to a new state!) and general life-ness. I do intend to keep writing, though, at least that’s the goal.

Anyway, I think I’ll wrap this up here - if you have any questions or comments, feel free to reply here or drop an ask or DM. In any case, thanks again for hanging out with me and I hope your holidays and new year is safe and full of light <3

[woomycritiques543]

(Based on another post.)

Ok... I was looking at the designs and-

Has anyone realized how weird the racial implications of Hazbin Hotel (and Helluva Boss with the main characters) are?

I know someone else has already talked about this-

But Charlie Morningstar is clearly white coded. The “corrupt souls” she has to “save” are clearly poc coded or are directly poc. The “villains” of the show are MOSTLY poc with Velvet being confirmed as poc indirectly by Vivziepop not long ago and Valentino was confirmed to be hispanic too. It gets off “white savior” vibes along with the fact that 1. Theres a creole character who practices voodoo who’s stereotyped as a cann^bal 2. There being a hispanic poc (Valentino) who’s also shown to be highly aggressive, to a character thats Italian: a ethnicity thats considered as “white” in many places. Hell! Niffy is even Japanese, and she was drawn as yellow 100% of the time until just recently.

They also have this thing where theres something i’d like to call “Greywashing”: Where Vivziepop deliberately avoids using the color brown, and instead makes all of her poc (No, “Coco” doesnt count shes from another artist. This is only about the main designer.) a lighter shade of grey, giving the illusion of brown skin without actually making them brown. While Vivziepop gave Charlie a peach-like skin tone. So its clearly not because they're demons but something else entirely.

(Light Grey.)

(Grey, with a brownish tint mixed in.)

(LIGHT grey.)

(Not counting Valentino since he seems to be more moth based than Vaggie and isnt intended to be as humanoid unlike those that are on this list.)

While Charlie, our “main heroine” is drawn as a blonde looking girl with snow-white skin. I know some people will make the “they're demons!” excuse, but these characters in particular are clearly meant to be the closest to human looking. Especially Charlie, who’s design is just a generic looking white girl with some Halloween makeup slapped on, an eye infection, and neko teeth.

So her being the main protagonist, half of the made to be “worst” characters such as Valentino and Alastor directly being poc. Plus the fact that the show is demonizing a closed religion that was created by African slaves as a way of coping with their situation while Hazbin is showing it as “evil” or “dark magic”. Plus in Helluva Boss, the “succubitches” are all shown to be sluts who are written in a negative light, who also happen to be poc in their human forms.

... who are also shamed by the police as “degenerates.”

They also have a poc background character named “Rat”, a animal that tends to be stereotyped in cartoons as “dirty” or “disease filled.” and yet they decided to name the second darkest character (who is also from a different artist) this.

This combined with the other implications can only make me say:

What is Vivziepop’s deal with us?! Why is she outright refusing to draw us without making our skin somewhat grey- a light grey for that matter! The people at the wiki call Alastor “beige.” But I remember there being a time where they called him khaki, and earlier “grey.” Even beige is described as a “greyish tan” and is considered “the most pale” type of brown. So even the “browns” are very pale and arent the shade most of us are- aka pure, dark, brown! Even most light skin people are not grey- but brown! 

This isnt about the morality of the characters and them being demons, this is about the stereotyping from the creator. I dont give a shit if the show is meant to be “edgy”- you either choose to be borderline racist, ableist, and narcissitic with how you write your characters, or actually “progressive.” Choosing both just makes you look like most of the hypocrites over at Twitter who think that representation is a “two way” street that can be morphed into whatever benefits someone’s bias of a specific discriminated group. But back to Hazbin-

The implications with the poc are off-putting, and it makes me all the more nervous for how theyre going to present poc in the next show. Yikes! 

[bltngames]

On Quake Halloween Jam 3

I remember really liking Quake Halloween Jam 2. But with the way things in my life have been since Jam 2, plus my general forgetfulness, it did not even occur to me that there may have been a Quake Halloween Jam 3 or even a 4.

So I've spent a few hours tonight trying to cure a bad mood with a little catharsis via Halloween Jam 3. It works, too. I first figured it out over a decade ago -- I was fooling around in a Garry's Mod zombie slaughter map, just zoning out while I busted props and blew stuff up. When I was done, I realized the grouchy mood I'd been suffering for most of that day was gone and I felt a lot better. It sounds weird, but sometimes you just have pent up anger for whatever reason and video games can be a healthy outlet.

Back to the Halloween Jam, I really enjoyed Jam 2 because it was just a lot of pretty decent Quake maps, but set in places like... a spooky farm during harvest season.

Or a village sieged by neon green acid underneath a purple sky, two of Halloween's signature colors.

Or even a map set inside and around a gigantic jack-o-lantern.

Jam 3's maps are kind of just... regular Quake maps, to some degree. I guess they're sometimes a little darker than usual, but after playing over half of them, there aren't very many that evoke the feeling of Halloween specifically. That's not entirely the Jam's fault, I guess. Until Doom 3, I'd say Quake 1 was the game that felt like it bore the most of iD's horror sensibilities -- its mixture of gothic, sci-fi and cosmic horror gave it a very strange tone, which lends itself very well to spooky maps.

Ironically, one of the very first maps I picked in the Jam was something called "Hall-o-Win" which both demonstrates my point and also acts as maximum catharsis: it's mostly just a series of very long hallways with power-ups at the end and a lot of monsters along the way. A slaughter map in other words, though it does gradually start asking you for more strategy than "blast everything and never stop moving."

But a theme in a lot of these maps is less Halloween and more just, like, complex mazes. It's probably the pressure of a deadline talking, but a lot of these maps seem to orbit around a single central room that must be scaled, solved, and traversed. Take "Blackvenom Retreat," the greenish map seen at the top of the post. Most of the map is in one central lake area, with three big cubist structures sitting above the water. It plays out like climbing a construction site, as you go up ladders and leap between buildings in search of crystals to power whatever this thing does.

Or "Abbeytoir", a candle lit mansion that feels more like it fell out of Wrath: Aeon of Ruin with its endless hallways and side rooms that all confusingly loop back in on each other. It's not a very big map, but combined with how dark it is, how similar a lot of the rooms look, and how everything has at least 3-5 exits, as I opened up most of the doors near the end of the map I completely lost my ability to navigate when everything blurred into endless stairs, hallways, and switches.

And then there's "Us," a conceptually haunting map where the map creator's body has been disassembled and scattered amongst Quake's brushes. A texture for his head and hair unwrap along the skyline, you'll find nipples you can push like buttons, and floating eyes that watch your every step. "Strange" is putting it mildly, but it too is mainly one big room where the puzzle is to climb up ramps and platforms in order to reach the exit.

But there is one map I unexpectedly fell in love with -- "Approach of the Second Sun." This map is good enough it practically feels like it's own whole separate game.

The story is that a second, dark sun is approaching our reality, casting its curse on the land. This provides the map with its unique visual style, where the fog is used to invert the light. Effectively, the closer something is to you, the darker it gets. As objects get further away, they fade into the white fog, making for a game of low visibility and eerie silhouettes. The map uses this in its favor, as you spend most of it navigating a ritual site littered with statues, with the twist being that not everything you encounter is actually a statue.

There are tells, of course. Living monsters have subtle idle animations, so if you pay attention closely, you can pick out what's inanimate and what's alive. But the map also knows this, and plays with that expectation sometimes, bringing certain statues to life when you least expect it. It makes you jumpy and paranoid every time you turn a corner and see the outline of a monster and wait for a worst case scenario that doesn't always happen. It's masterclass stuff, and the map is big enough that it took me almost an hour to ultimately solve (like a lot of the other maps, it is a little easy to get lost).

I've got a few more maps left in Jam 3, and then I've got all of Jam 4 to look forward to. Hopefully there's something a little more seasonally flavorful waiting me.

[mediaevalmusereads]

Any Duke in a Storm. By Amalie Howard. Sourcebooks, 2024.

Rating: 2/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Series: Daring Dukes #4

Summary: Historical romance takes to the high seas. Famed spy Lady Lisbeth Medford is on a ship bound for the West Indies, but the only thing more dangerous than her mission is the elusive Duke she's trying to capture. Lady Lisbeth Medford, Countess of Waterstone and famed international spy, is caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. She's determined to infiltrate a notorious smuggling ring in the West Indies while on a covert mission as a ship's captain. But even when her identity is compromised and she's forced to flee, the men chasing her are still hot on her heels. The trouble in front of her, however, might be even worse. Raphael Saint, the Duc de Viel, is her ship's new aggravating and dangerously charming sailing master, who might very well be part of the smuggling ring Lisbeth must bring to justice. But when a new deadly threat on the high seas looms, the only way out of danger might be to face it… together.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: child endangerment, violence, blood, explicit sexual content

OVERVIEW: I saw this book on a list of aromantic/asexual-spectrum romance reads and was curious. I've read one other Amalie Howard book and had generally good feelings, so I decided to jump into this book despite not reading the others in the series. While I very much appreciated the wide range of skin tones and sexualities, the plot and characters as a whole left me disappointed. This book wanted to be a spy novel, pirate novel, romance, etc and didn't seem to do any of those things particularly well, so it only gets 2 stars from me.

WRITING: While Howard's prose is fine for the romance genre (as in: it's about what one might expect, which is good for reaching its intended audience), I personally found it lacking. It depended a bit too much on telling over showing, often filling in gaps or narrating things that happened off-page. As a result, I felt like I was being expected to care about things I didn't experience along with the characters.

Howard also had a tendency to repeat certain phrases and descriptions, and while it's not too distracting, it was noticeable.

The humor also just was not for me. Some of the jokes are raunchy or a little jeuvenile, which is fine given the setting. It just wasn't my jam.

And can I just point out how much I hate this line from the "sea shanty": "she'll gut you good and make you pee." What???

PLOT: The non-romance plot of this book follows Lisbeth, a countess-turned-British-spy who poses as an infamous smuggler, "Bonnie Bess," in order to take down a notorious criminal known as the Prince. Along the way, she runs into Raphael Saint, a disgraced French-Trinidadian duke who happens to be the nephew of the Prince. Saint is out for revenge after the Prince caused his family's downfall, and Lisbeth must reach her target without blowing her cover.

Personally, I found the plot to be a mess. It wasn't sure if it wanted to be a swashbuckling pirate story, a spy novel, a maritime road trip, a 19th century romance, or some combination of all. This doesn't mean I think books should only choose one genre, but it does mean that when genres are blended, I think it's important to do so well. Howard's attempt did not feel well-planned: Lisbeth was not exactly a clever spy, and the pirate vibes were a bit uneven. I also got the feeling that I was reading a story about a bunch of elites dressing up as smugglers and playing at pirates and spies, sticking it to "the man" only to come around and reclaim the privileges they shucked off in the first place. I was never sure who we were meant to root for: in a spy novel, the government is usually the "good guy," but in a pirate story, the pleasure comes from subverting the government (or, at least, companies). In this book, I had no strong feelings about the world in which our characters were operating, which made it feel more like they were just "playing" at spies and smugglers.

To be fair, perhaps more groundwork was laid in the previous installments of the series. I did jump in on book 4, so I want to acknowledge that some of my disorientation might be from that. But I also think this book could have been more intentional with its plot, creating scenes that aided in each character's personal arc as well as their arc as a couple. As it stands, everything felt a bit too random, like it was using type scenes.

CHARACTERS: I find it difficult to discuss whether or not I "liked" the characters. The heroine, for example, was fun in her fiestiness and I loved seeing a female ship's captain. I also loved the demisexual representation and the portrayal of someone with a praise kink. However, Lisbeth did not strike me as a particularly good spy; she stood out way too much, and her motivations formatting to take down the Prince were impersonal (at least in this book). Her arc is supposed to be about learning to trust people and form attachments, but there isn't much within the plot itself that supports that journey. It's all told to us while Lisbeth is busy getting into fights.

Raphael, the hero, is a little better in that his revenge quest is personal. However, I was a little confused by his strong desire to be both honored by the French emperor and be a criminal in order to disperse goods to colonized folks. Howard seems to write him as a kind of nautical Robin Hood, which is fine, but his arc is all about reclaiming social status, which kind of takes away from the feeling of freedom outside of "polite society."

Supporting characters are fine, if a little dull. The crew of Lisbeth's ship are loyal and are just kind of there - they don't really serve much purpose other than to do their jobs on the ship. Nari, an orphan who stows away, is charming but her pirate antics make her feel younger than her age. I think she could have been used more to develop Lisbeth's stance on attachments.

The Prince - Charles Dubois - is a disappointment. For all that Howard plays him up as cunning and conniving, his ploys were obvious and his plots easy to subvert. He also spends some time explaining himself, which gets tedious. As a villain, he only really seemed to be bad because he supported the slave trade - all his other actions seem to be standard pirate/smuggler fare, so I was unsure if we.were supposed to be mad at him because he's undercutting the government or because he's willing to kill his own blood to do so.

ROMANCE: There are some things about Lisbeth's and Raphael's romance that could have been great. I appreciated, for example, the interracial and queer relationship, and inserting some kinkiness to subvert more "vanilla" romances is great.

However, it took a long time for the two characters to gel. For the first 40% of the book, Raphael was less charming and more annoying, and their banter was not pleasing to read. They didn't seem to be getting on each other's nerves in a productive way - they just let their emotions get away from them.

As time went on, things got better, but I was skeptical of their attraction in part because I was told about it more than I was shown. The thing that made them click was was Raphael dives into the sea to save Lisbeth and Nari, but other than that moment, the plot doesn't do much to help the protagonists develop as a couple. Mostly, it has Lisbeth giving up some of her power and control, which could have been productive but didn't quite read so.

TL;DR: Any Duke in a Storm is a hot mess. It doesn't know what kind of book it's trying to be and tells far more than it shows, to its detriment.

[atalienart]

i actually do like those kinds of books :/ sometimes it’s just nice to escape and enjoy tropes because it’s not real and not everything has to be this groundbreaking piece of literature. it’s fun to read and i’m not really looking for something that defies genre and does what no other novel has done before i just want to enjoy a book and not look for things to hate all the time! i hope that also takes the pressure off your own writing a bit to be honest — i just wanted to say something because i think i have a slightly different opinion than the answers you got and i’m also a fan of yours and am rooting for your work to succeed

Funny thing, I do too xD If I didn't like them, I wouldn't read them. I love the combination of fantasy and romance, lighter tone of writing mixing with some dramatic or horrifying scenes. I love soft light of candles and fully functioning bathrooms (btw, why are people so weirded out by plumbing in a fantasy world, plumbing is an ancient discovery). I love faes and vampires and witches, and all the magic.

Tropes? Tropes are an integral part of any text, there's nothing wrong with them. I definitely have my favourites (I shared some of the ones I love most in romance not long ago on insta). And I get our taste differs. There are tropes people included as the ones they don't like that I love. Reading their opinions doesn't hurt me though.

Anyway, noticing flaws or critiquing a piece of writing doesn't equal condemning it? I don't look for "Ulisses" either, I look for fun. It doesn't mean entertaining books don't show human nature and all kinds of conflicts we face in the real world, but in those novels there's always hope for characters to end up in a good place and that's why they're great. I'm with you in that.

As for my own writing, I don't think I'm a great writer, and I don't aspire to be one either. I write stories to be able to see what I enjoy. If someone else enjoys my writing (eventually) then I'll be the happiest person. Generally I don't think about people reading what I write when I write it because I probably wouldn't type a sentence. But I believe everything has its audience, it's just a matter of luck to find that audience. And umm... know that one of the scenes in my story is inspired by a scene from ACOTAR series. I do love these books xD

And lastly, thank you so much for the kind words. Your support means a lot to me!

[breezybeej]

Just practicing my lyrical analysis to prepare myself for a project. Do not mind me

There are a lot of parallels between poetry and song lyrics but there are some crucial differences as well.

One is obviously the presence of music. Some poems work wonderfully when you throw a beat behind them but many do not. The deeper you go into poetry the more you start to realize that it is a visual medium as well as a verbal one. song lyrics cannot very well play with their typography to convey ideas because it is an auditory format.

Another is delivery. Some poetry is structured so that it can only be delivered with a certain meter which influences the interpretation but you are left without vocal tone to indicate anything. Some examples in songs might be Chappell Roan's vocal 'cracks' in Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl as she constantly shifts between her head voice and her chest voice to create these desperate sounding yells to convey her intense yearning. Or the way Thom Yorke opens the song 15 Step with a severe mumble and almost a whimper and at the end of the song he delivers the final line crisply and firmly. We have a sense of change in the narrator of the song, our subject becoming resolute.

Now as this relates to lyricism, let's talk about what we mean. Songs do not have a lot of time to get their meaning across so we use things like vocal tone, instrumentation, and reference to speed up the process for the listener and also provide color to your canvas. I'm going to break down two examples.

Chevelle is a hard rock band known for their cynical lyrics. One of my absolute favorite songs by them is Hats Off to the Bull. Before we even listen to the song, what does that bring to mind?

"Hats off" is a phrase typically used to signify that you are showing respect to someone, often when they had no chance but tried their best. In what situations would this apply to a bull? We have two major sports that fit: Bullfighting and Rodeos. Either one works here so I'll go with fighting.

We already have the thesis of the song. The bull can never truly win. It is trapped by the spectacle of the sport. Even if he defeats the matador, he faces more fights and ultimately slaughter (for the record, I am speaking to the common layman conception of bullfighting, there are many traditions and nuance). A "hats off" to the bull is acknowledgement that he fought as hard as he could despite having no hope for success. Winning the battles, losing the war etc etc.

And if we listen to the song, yeah that's the feeling they explore. And the delivery of the line is harsh, strained, it's *angry*. It makes you feel like the singer is watching this Injustice and cannot do anything about it aside from salute the bull for trying its best despite its hopelessness.

That is a single line as the title of the song and the first line of the chorus. it carries so much meaning and emotion while being five single syllable words. it carries that meaning by referencing an activity many are at least generally aware of and the common gesture of removing your hat in respect. it is not a difficult set of dots to connect but it is very well crafted so that you can connect those dots and also save some words for the lyricist.

Next up is the song Submarine by L'imperatrice.

If we try the same analysis, we look at the word submarine and think pressurized vessel deep underwater. Doesn't really tell us much because it's just one word. But wait, what is the album? Tako Tsubo, which is a stylizing of the term Takotsubo's cardiomyopathy or broken heart disease. Combined, maybe we are dealing with what happens when a pressurized vessel ruptures?

Pretty close. They don't talk about the actual rupture, just the idea of having this pressurized shell that the world sees without knowing what's going on inside.

So we have a song about the social pressure to not express yourself whenever you are sad (or any other non-happy emotion) and also the pressure that builds up inside you as a result of that. We are looking at a situation where people are turning themselves into pressure vessels that could erupt catastrophically. That last part is never said directly in the song but keep that submarine terminology in mind because nowhere in the song is the word submarine said.

Rather, every line of the chorus *rhymes* with submarine which primes you to think about the title in relation to the lyrics, it primes you to make that imagery yourself. The song also does not talk about the consequences of too much pressure building up, you have to know that is a risk with submarines.

Building on that, most of the verses are sung in a reserved kind of low-key tone. these are the lyrics that discuss vulnerabilities and feelings. When we get to the chorus, there is a shift to what almost sounds like the singer is straightening her back and projecting confidence as she sings about having this strong outer shell that's not revealing any emotions. The doubling of her vocals is also more prominent here which makes it sound like multiple people are expressing the same idea. After all, she says at the beginning of the song that everyone shares that same view, they only show what they want to. This projected confidence in the chorus with the vocals layered on top of themselves conveys that same idea. Everyone is saying this to themselves.

Another aspect of the submarine is that it is a lonely vessel. Once you are underwater and inside this capsule, you can't very well invite someone else in. The inherent loneliness of how society handles sadness is present here. Am I the only one who was born to be blue? it feels like that because everyone else is hiding their sadness so you feel like you are the only sad person.

My favorite part of the song plays directly into all of these feelings together when the chorus ends. That projected confidence comes through with the line "I don't need to say goodbye" and it instantly collapses when she asks the genuine heartfelt question with a waver in her voice "do I?"

Once again, we have very straightforward concepts and they are very easy to interpret because the lyricist and the musicians structured their song very well to deliver them and make them digestible to the listener. You don't have to try hard to pull these concepts out because they did a good job writing them. They are also able to impart nuance to this theme by leaning on reference and tone. not only can you grasp the song but you can also do deep readings and still pull information out. it is simple and complex.

Both of these examples could work as poetry but it is the instrumentation and delivery that gives them deeper color in the same way that many poems could not just be translated to songs specifically because you would have to come up with your own tone and instrumentation which would recolor what is on the page.

With this in mind, I'm curious to see if any of these things are explored in the tor/tur/ed po/ets depar/tme/nt. since people hail TAS as a great lyricist, I anticipate being able to tease out some of these differences in her upcoming work. I suppose we'll see. yeah, it's probably unfair to go into an album with predetermined expectations, I'm not demanding that this album work in this space but I do expect to be able to perform a similar level of analysis on it.

[serafiel-jacobs]

The Point of No Return (Fanfic)

New Chapter of my angst fic series 💜

There was a knock at the door.

Geppetto was taken aback, it was late, not too late but it was almost Twilight outside, Carlo and Romeo were in the living room with him, in a quiet voice, he told both his sons to go to their room, they did as they were told, carefully closing and opening the door so it wouldn’t be heard.

The knocking got louder, and Geppetto took a deep breath before making his way to the front door.

“Who is it?” Who could it really be? At this hour, not to mention the fact that there was no reason for someone else to come here.

“Sorry to bother you Geppetto but this is Lana from the Monad Charity House”

“How can I help you?” Geppetto knew who she was, she was one of the higher-ups at Monad, her position wasn’t too important in the grand scheme of things, and all the important people of interest in Monad turned out to be alchemists, but the administration had changed now, and from what he heard, she became the new disciplinary dean.

“Look I needed to talk about something considering your son”

“I don’t think you could possibly tell me anything of importance by now”

“Fine” Lana began to take a mocking tone, “I guess that his school record is unfortunately going to have to become public knowledge”

That bitch, Geppetto now knew what this was all about and reluctantly let her inside, leading her to the living room; Carlo and Romeo were ears-dropping.

“Wow, I guess the rumors were true, you really became paranoid a paranoid old man” Lana was cocky, she was a mean woman, and she liked to have the upper hand on others.

“What do you want?” Geppetto made her get to the point.

Lana had a big envelope in her hands, she took out its contents, it was Carlo’s school record, Monad recorded everything about their student, to the most minor of details, and his son’s record was big, it was as thick as 2 large books combined.

“You know it would be a shame if everyone were to find out how much trouble your son got away with doing because of your generous donations”

Carlo was stunned, he didn’t know about that, looking back, it was strange that he never got expelled, other students had gotten expelled over way fewer offenses than what he did, Monad was an extremely strict school.

“What do you gain from this, my son is…” Geppetto stops talking, Carlo is alive yet he can’t say that.

“I know that your brat is gone, but your reputation isn’t, even despite shutting yourself in here, people somehow still like you or at least like to work with you” There was jealousy in her voice, even if she tried to hide it.

Lana flipped through the pages and read out loud some of the notes written.

“Let’s see here, threw the superintendent into a pile of mud, set fire to the laboratory room, cheated on his tests multiple times, constantly disrupted other students with pranks, snuck out of school at least twice a week…” She read even more, all things that would have gotten everyone else expelled from the school and with that record, no other school would have taken him.

Carlo felt his heartbeat start to go faster, he remembers everything that he did, he remembers how he did most of it for attention, to gain his father’s attention.

“If I remember correctly, you and the other staff members at the time were very eager to accept my money” Geppetto couldn’t stand this woman back then, and she couldn’t stand her now.

“Well this is why I’m here in the first place, I need the money, and don’t worry my silence won’t cost you that much, I just need a few monthly payments as long as you live” She had a smug grin on her face.

“Are you serious?” The audacity of this woman made Geppetto furious.

“I am; you know, your son was a little shit, and he made everyone’s lives miserable, he and that friend of his were delinquents” Lana paused, “Speaking of, why did you also pay for his actions? I understand helping your son, not much that kid that was a nobody”

Romeo realized too that it was strange that he never got expelled either, he looked at Carlo, unfortunately, the way Lana talked about them wasn’t new, she and other staff members would belittle them every chance they got.

“They were mischievous but they are…were good boys” Even back then Geppetto really did care for both of them, not just Carlo, but he made the stupid mistake of never being present, he thought money would solve the issue, but he never bothered to reach out and have a heart to heart with Carlo about his behavior, and he couldn’t let Romeo get expelled either.

They were feeling a lot of emotions, and their father really loved them, even back then, he just… made a lot of mistakes, and he is doing what he can to fix them.

Geppetto scrolled the pages of his son’s academic record, “Who else is helping you?” He wanted to hear Lana answer but he had a feeling he knew already what she would say.

“Oh nobody, You can’t trust anyone nowadays, but I guess you would know more about that than me right? With you being a shut-in” Lana was getting even more cocky.

Carlo and Romeo clenched their fists, they didn’t like her speaking to their father like that but they had to stay quiet.

Looks like Geppetto was right, she was always so arrogant, and she knew she would never share the money she was asking him with anyone, “So, one else knows about this?”

“What can I say? I’m good at covering my tracks, no one even knows that I stopped by your house in the first place” Lana had a triumphant smile, she thought she had won the lottery.

“I see,” Geppetto said; then suddenly Carlo and Romeo heard the loud thud of a chair being thrown with great force.

“Hey what are you-“

“No, please stop it!”

They heard Lana’s cries for help, cries that fell on deaf ears, and then they heard her gasping for air, but that didn’t last long, and after a few minutes everything became quiet.

Carlo and Romeo got out of the room to inspect, in the living room was their father, his clothes were covered in blood, he was holding a fountain pen in his right hand, he had stabbed her to death with it, Lana’s dead body was lying in the floor, a pool of blood next to her, their father had stabbed her way too many times, they could tell that even after she was dead he stabbed her a few more times; Lana died with a terrified expression in her face.

“Ah Carlo, Romeo, I’m sorry that you had to see this” It was eerie how calm he was. “Please go back to your room, or to the basement if the two of you want to play, I just need to… clean up this mess”

Geppetto got closer to them, he put his blood-covered hands on their faces, gently touching their cheeks as a sign of affection.

“I’m your father, I won’t let anyone or anything harm you both”

His sons listened to him, they were good boys. It was bothersome cleaning up, but thankfully at least the chair was fine, he was sure he had broken with when she hit that disgusting woman.

What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?

Getting rid of the stains was easy, nothing that hydrogen peroxide couldn’t fix, rather the tricky part would be to dispose of her body, Geppetto had a saw in his workshop, so it would be best to utilize it in this situation. Unfortunately, things were taking more time than expected, so he told his sons that he couldn’t make them dinner tonight.

He had her body in pieces but he still went over and over again on how to properly get rid of it, in the end, he put what remained of Lana in a container he filled with cement, that would take care of it, no one would suspect a thing, no one would look inside of that for a corpse, the house had an attic that was just used as a storage room, it had way too many things so it was rather cramped, Geppetto just left it there. He was tired and decided to go to bed, not before checking on his precious boys, thankfully they were both fully asleep with no issues.

Geppetto is washing his hands, but the blood doesn't come off, he doesn't understand why it's not coming off, he keeps washing them and washing them, but the blood doesn't go away until his own hands are now covered in his blood due to the overwashing mixing her blood with his.

Geppetto lays in his bed, he was really proud of himself today, he knew that he could protect his family, in fact, he thought killing her would be harder, but it seemed like his parental instinct had come out, it was natural for him to defend his sons. Still, he felt exhausted, he closed his eyes and fell asleep with a smile, knowing that his family was safe.

The next morning Geppetto wakes up, and he can still see the blood on his hands, and he tries everything to get rid of it, even resorting to pouring bleach in his hands, but it doesn't matter how much he tries to get rid of it.

The blood in his hands will never fade away.

[twistedtummies2]

Fifteen Days of Disney Magic - Number 14

Welcome to Fifteen Days of Disney Magic! In honor of the company’s 100th Anniversary, I am counting down my Top 15 Favorite Movies from Walt Disney Animation Studios! Our newest entry is a film that gives us two fabulous characters for the price of one! Number 14 is…The Adventures of Ichabod & Mr. Toad.

This movie may or may not be a less surprising entry than my previous choice, but it’s nonetheless worthy of placement. Just like “Fun & Fancy Free,” this was one of Disney’s 1940s “package features,” which acted as anthology films featuring two or more cartoon shorts combined into one picture. Most people agree that, of all the package films Disney released during this time, “The Adventures of Ichabod & Mr. Toad” is arguably the best one. As you can probably guess, I agree wholeheartedly. “Fun & Fancy Free” I love primarily because it’s such a nostalgic movie for me; it’s just a film that influenced me a lot and which I still have a massive soft spot for. “Ichabod & Mr. Toad” has that distinction, too, but it’s also a bit different. The movie combines a short version of “Wind in the Willows” with another cartoon based on “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.” The framing device is a mysterious library, where two unseen narrators – one voiced by Basil Rathbone, and one voiced by Bing Crosby – declare they want to showcase two of their favorite “fabulous characters” from literature. One chooses Mr. Toad as his subject, while the other chooses Ichabod Crane. It’s pretty basic, but it’s effective: it ties the stories together both thematically and in terms of mood without getting in the way of the focus of each portion. It's honestly kind of bizarre how complete the film feels, because not only are Kenneth Graham’s and Washington Irving’s undisputed masterpieces INCREDIBLY different, on many levels, but the way the shorts treat them is “coincironically” quite different, too. “Sleepy Hollow” is actually REMARKABLY close to its source material. Disney doesn’t soften up the characters, nor even remove all traces of the strange ambiguity that makes this ghostly tale such a great work of art. Indeed, even the language is mostly taken straight from Irving’s pages, and very little from the story is lost. “Wind in the Willows” is the opposite: it actually changes quite a few things from the story, and – being only about a half hour in length – it also has to cut out a lot of the book. The original story was essentially a two-part piece, with the first half of the novel focused on Mole and Rat, and the second half focused on Toad. The short focuses pretty much entirely on Toad’s half of the tale…which, to be fair, is generally considered to be the best part of the book.

What manages to make this film feel more whole, in my opinion, is that for as radically different as the two stories are in a lot of ways, not to mention the ways they are handled separately…not only are both tales presented as representations of literature, which helps in terms of the framing setup, but they also do have sort of an interesting comparison in tone. Both are stories that combine darkness and light: “Wind in the Willows,” on the one hand, features talking animals and zany antics abounding, but it also features characters being thrown in the tower of London, being shot at on steam trains, nearly drowning to death…the list goes on. There’s this dark edge that runs underneath the silly surface. “Sleepy Hollow” is exactly the same: underneath Bing Crosby’s showstopping tunes and the cartoonish shenanigans Ichabod gets up to, there’s an ominous undercurrent, which foreshadows the climactic and frightening final confrontation with the fabled Headless Horseman. This movie introduced me to both these stories, and when I think of either one, I tend to think of the Disney version(s) above all the rest. “Sleepy Hollow,” in particular, has become one of my favorite stories of all time, and I still say the Disney version is one of the best interpretations of the tale, as well as one of my favorites. I’ve already written a play based on that story, and I actually do have thoughts about writing a stage adaptation of Mr. Toad’s story, too, if I can ever figure it out. That, alone, should give you an idea of how influential the movie was on me as a person, and it’s telling that I make a point of watching not just the latter half but the whole picture at least once every year…in fact, I usually watch it around this VERY time of year…

…In fact, after posting this…I think I will watch it today. I do so love this movie. The countdown continues tomorrow with my 13th Favorite Disney Movie! HINT: It Is the Source of Disney’s Anthem.

[andypartridges]

Hello! im really really sorry to bother you! i dont mean to i just love the content you put out especially your xtc content!! you are truly doing gods work thank you so much!! i was just messaging to ask if you could write out what your English settlement zine says? I'm sorry some words i cant make out its okay if you cant or rather not! again super sorry for bothering you

omg hi yes anon of course i can !!! if i can improve accessibility then it's no bother to me at all. it's probably too long to transcribe all of it in this ask so i'll transcribe part 2 here.

i apologise in advance for any grammar issues or just general clunkiness with the writing - i just wrote everything down in the zine without any preplanning and just sort of brain dumped my thoughts onto the page :-)

transcript below the cut !

no need to look back at pictures of lost From the haunting opening notes of 'Runaways', it's evident that XTC's fifth studio album was telling a story with a darker tone. Now, in 2022, we mark the 40th anniversary since the release of 1982's English Settlement, a double LP that would not only become the band's highest charting album in the UK, but the favourite album for many XTC fans around the world. It's a commentary on many things: the ideals versus the reality of Britain, Thatcherism, loss, and at times, a cry for help. It was the band's first album to break the self imposed rule that all songs must be able to be replicated live, and as such, you can hear a sense of 'vastness' - a sense of colour in the music. It's XTC like never before.

England's Glory: a musical portrait of early 80s britain Britain in the late 70s became a country under the leadership of Conservative PM Margaret Thatcher. While she irrevocably fucked up the UK in many ways, one prime example was contributing to the rampant xenophobia that was only on the rise with her comments such as being 'swamped' by (nonwhite) immigrants. Comments such as these only fuelled the activities of far right groups such as the National Front, the organisation that our main character Graham joins in 'No Thugs In Our House'. Both this song and 'Knuckle Down' are a snapshot of 80s Britain: the former depicts the insidious nature of racism and the latter, a call to end such ways of thinking. Graham is an example of how groups like the NF target the impressionable with lies and imbue them with hatred. With no parental figures to rein him in, this bigotry only festers. It's an ugly side of England, but one that still exists and is very much real. We talk about the glory of this country, but these songs point out that for some, much glory is founded in the suffering of others.

Save Us From The Ball And Chain: a musical portrait of early 80s britain (pt. 2) In addition to the negative impacts Thatcher brought upon Britain, her economic policies have also gone down in infamy, namely the millions put out of work as a result. Yet, the most infamous was the Miners' Strike of 1984-85, a bitter battle between Thatcher and trade unions. Miners and their families relied on handouts, receiving no state benefits at all. The landscape of the events, combined with Thatcher's belief that people were unemployed because they simply didn't work hard enough, is brutally reflected in the English Settlement track 'Leisure'. The economic tensions and anxieties surrounding employment reverberate through the song - most notably in Andy's cries of "leiiii-LEISURE!" and the shrieking, discordant alto sax solo at the song's climax. The other clear response to Thatcherism on this album is the record's second track, 'Ball and Chain'. A song protesting the destruction of the Swindon town centre, it was, according to Colin, a statement about "when eldermans in council chambers were getting outrageously fatter on inner city clearances". In other words, textbook Tories.

It's More A Way You Have To Give: English Settlement on Love XTC have never shied away from writing love songs; in fact, they've written some of my favourite, if not all time favourite love songs. But English Settlement isn't really an album about love in the way that, say, Wasp Star is. In my opinion, there are only 2 songs about the subject of love on English Settlement, and only one of them is really a 'love song'. That song, 'Snowman', isn't even a happy love song - it's about a loveless relationship, one where the narrator feels spurned by his girlfriend's coldness. It's a song about the painful elements of love, about rejection and hurt. In fact, it contains one of my favourite XTC lyrics: "people will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'welcome' written on it". It's just such a clever yet straightforward way of conveying the sentiment of being used, or being treated like you have no worth. Again, English Settlement isn't really an album about love at all, let alone an album that is sonically very joyful or celebratory - it is by far and away the opposite of that.

The other song I would argue is about love to an extent is 'All of a Sudden (It's Too Late)', a far more abstract composition - at least, lyrically - in comparison to 'Snowman', but a song that quite clearly touches upon the sentiment that we need love to survive and that we must realise this before there's nothing left to love and nothing left to give us love: "what can I say? why do we starve a thing that's near extinction? from day to day these weeds of fear are choking our conviction". Personally, I think it touches upon the idea that being sincere in regards to our emotions is always difficult - we're scared of making others feel uncomfortable, of being vulnerable and/or having that vulnerability exploited. So we hide our true feelings away, deep down inside of us - and then before we know it, the chance for honesty and truth is gone. The song is a reminder: tell someone you love them while you still can.

[rookie-critic]

M3GAN (2023, dir. Gerard Johnstone) - review by Rookie-Critic

What a way to start off the year. M3GAN was massively impressive from an FX angle. M3GAN, the titular android doll that serves as the film's antagonist, from what I could tell, was entirely practical. The filmmakers uses a combination of a real actress, Amie Donald, in prosthetic makeup and an animatronic puppet to bring M3GAN to life, and it's intensely effective. M3GAN feels like a real character in a way that a CG'd version could just never achieve because she actually exists in frame with the other actors. Allison Williams and Violet McGraw's performances feel so natural when interacting with M3GAN because they were actually in the space with something tangible talking back to them. I am in no way anti-digital effects, the things that people like James Cameron are doing with that craft deserve an insane amount of praise for what they're doing, and I'm sure Williams and McGraw would have still done beautifully had they needed to do this Roger Rabbit style, but there's something about the dedication and craft of practical effects that give a movie an extra quality push. Speaking of McGraw, let's take a quick aside to appreciate her performance here. Child actors in horror tend to go campy, and while M3GAN's premise is undoubtedly ridiculous (more on that in a second), McGraw does an amazing job and her performance feels very grounded. I've been a fan of hers since seeing her in Mike Flanagan's The Haunting of Hill House show on Netflix (really I've been a fan of everyone in that show since it came out), and I'm glad that she is getting major roles like this one, because she is a real talent.

Another one of the great things about M3GAN is its ability to balance tone. This is truly a horror comedy and blends both genres to amazing effect. I will always be down for a film that understands how absolutely absurd its premise is, and will lean into it hard with a self awareness that is unparalleled. It's probably the biggest reason that I loved Malignant when that came out in 2021 (an apt comparison considering James Wan, who directed Malignant, produced and co-created the story for M3GAN). Movies like this work because they're goofy and don't take themselves too seriously, but at the same time they don't sacrifice their horror moments in service of the humor, and vice versa, with both often living in conjunction with one another in the same moment. Seeing M3GAN do a TikTok dance right before chasing down Ronny Chieng's character (a scene that I'm not considering a spoiler as it is one of the more memed moments of the past couple months) is both hilarious and genuinely unnerving, and this is due in large part to the fact that the film isn't really trying to present this moment as scary at all (although, I will say that it felt a little random and out of place).

My big complaint with the film, and it's a shame because the film works on so many levels, is that its messaging, especially in the first half, comes off less like a film warning against the dangers of letting artificial intelligence get out of hand and how parental guardians can find a healthy balance between technology and real-world interaction, and more like a film that just feels afraid of technology in general. It openly mocks parents who "raise their children with technology" and frequently casts a judgmental eye on our protagonist Gemma for allowing Cady, McGraw's character, to have unlimited screen time and... *checks notes* not allowing her to play with her very expensive collectibles because... they're just toys, I guess? There were honestly so many heavy-handed "technology is bad" jokes and jabs in the beginning section of the film that I thought my eyes were gonna roll themselves right out of my skull with how much I was rolling them. Again, it's such a shame that the film presents this incredibly bad and out of touch take as moral and right because, outside of that, I thought M3GAN was a great success. Thankfully, in the film's third act it does come more around to the sentiment of not allowing children to form an unhealthy or damaging emotional or physical need for technology instead of its earlier mantra of "parents who allow their children to breath on a smart device are bad," and it brings the film back to a place where I feel comfortable and confident in recommending it as a fun and quite impressive horror comedy. 2023 has started off an a good note.

Score: 7/10

Currently only in theaters.

[thepitofjob]

Job 16: 15-17. "Now."

A Jewish Prince will not only study the Torah but become literate in the Tanakh and the Talmud as well. Each Mishnah or "bit" in these roll up to what is called a Theo, or "the meaning behind human theology."

It cannot be explained all at once because reality and the human body are constantly shifting. This is why Judaism explains its theory of being as being an inhabitant of an moving sidwalk that leads to a sheer drop at the end. We will never live long enough to know all we need to know. So the goal is to learn early in life how to be Jewish so the sudden ending happens without fear.

Once one accepts there is a trail to follow and it goes nowhere, then one is prepared for one's sackcloth, which means "to be steeled for the work ahead."

This also entails placing one's face in the dust: You have to start where you are, and you have to know what that means every second of the day.

Both explain what is called Issachar, "the hired man" and define the working relationship between God, man and the Shule and the ways of life in which we persist.

"The verb עבד ('abad) means to work, to serve or to be a serf. Since working or serving is a common activity in any culture, this verb is deployed almost 300 times in the Old Testament. Curiously enough, this verb has the power to take meaning from whatever comes next. If the story tells of "dressing" vines, the Hebrew literally reads "working" vines. When a field is tilled, the Hebrew reads that the field is "worked".

The Hebrew idea of "working" can also mean "working something," and that something determines the kind of work that's done. When Jacob "works" Laban, he's not trying to change his mind but simply serving him (Genesis 29:15). This verb can even be used to indicate putting someone to work, or even enslaving someone (Exodus 1:14).

The difference between a worker and a boss was back then the same as now: if you get to keep the money your labor generates, you're a boss or a free person. If you get some kind of compensation for your labor (now called a salary, then called your purchasing price, but really the same thing) but the actual proceeds of your labor go to someone else, you're an עבד ('ebed).

HAW Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament makes the observation that, "When service is offered to God, however, it is not bondage, but rather a joyous and liberating experience (Exodus 3:12, Psalm 22:31)".

Similarly, when YHWH himself is performing work (עבד עבדת, Isaiah 28:21), he is obviously not enslaved but rather thoroughly engaged. Likewise the 'suffering servant' described by Isaiah (Isaiah 52-53, see Matthew 20:25-28) is not simply a slave of oppressive kings and their regimes, but rather a devotee to freedom and wisdom."

Job continues:

15 “I have sewed sackcloth over my skin     and buried my brow in the dust. 16 My face is red with weeping,     dark shadows ring my eyes; 17 yet my hands have been free of violence     and my prayer is pure.

The common conception of the Prophet Job is that he is a big bitcher, who wastes our time with page after page of complaints about how difficult God has made living a Jewish life. This is not correct. Job is not a long lament, its tone was written to emulate the resistance parents and young boys will encounter within each other as both descend into the Shule and make the route through understandable.

A red faced weeper is not a complaining child, or angry woman, it is the expression on an athlete's face during the effort one must exert in order to learn how to fly, right now, not later.

Red faced and weeping= 1179, יאזט‎‎, yazt, "now."

The people of Ukraine want the Russians to leave NOW. The people of Israel want the hostages taken by the Mormons on October 7, right now, the US GOV needs to put a bullet in Donald Trump's head and end the farce, right now. The temperatures scorching this planet need to be reduced right now.

The journey through the Shule is a combination of steeling, having to work to figure life out as it is happening and other very urgent situations that cannot wait for the intelligentsia to dawn.

This brings us to the point of this frame called ritual purity. Ritual purity is a habit for ethical behavior. The above scenarios, my favorites, are examples of a human race that is struggling with ritual impurity. It takes no time at all to tell the truth and make ammends. Yet in spite of this, officials around the world have chosen to watch the planet flop around like dockside salmon rather than kill the Republicans and Donald Trump over what happened on October 7 and fess up: a decade of mismanagement in the FBI, Department of Homeland Security and the CIA allowed something very big kind of slip.

The Torah says Laban, "clouded by purity" is a communal and personal exercise we must all work at:

22 So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. 23 But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and Jacob made love to her. 24 And Laban gave his servant Zilpah [trickle, mother of Asher and Gad] to his daughter as her attendant.

=Purity brings the people together, and after the sacrifice of the food animals within, the servant and the follower become one. Happiness and fortune depend on this.

25 When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”

26 Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. 27 Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.”

28 And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. 29 Laban gave his servant Bilhah [calamity] to his daughter Rachel as her attendant. 30 Jacob made love to Rachel also, and his love for Rachel was greater than his love for Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.

Purity is the path to maturity. There must be a parent, Laban, a student, Jacob, a teacher, Leah, and Rachel, "silence, an absence of transgression."

We are being parented by transgressive governments and organizations. There is no discipline, no wisdom, no elegance in the things we do, there are lies, liars and corrupt practices all over the place. The Book of Job was written to teach us how to abide and change within societies that are not so pure.

The Values in Gematria are:

v. 15-16: Dark shadows ring my eyes. The Number is 10769, י‎ז‎ו‎ט‎, yezot, "boldness."

Boldness= the strength of the mighty.

"How do you feel?"

"Betrayed?"

v. 17: Yet my hands have been free of violence and my prayer is pure. The Number is 4373, dagzag, "don't be crazy."

"The emphasis of the verb שגה (shaga) is on sin done inadvertently. Interesting are Scriptures' instructions on how this state of unrealized sin comes about:

Through wine and strong drink (Isaiah 28:7, Proverbs 20:1).

Through seductive women as opposed to one's loving wife (Proverbs 5:23).

Through ceasing to pay heed to discipline (Proverbs 19:27).

This verb yields two derivatives:

The feminine noun שגיאה (shegia), meaning error (Psalm 19:13).

The masculine noun משגה (mishgeh), meaning mistake. This word lies at the heart of the Yiddish word mesjogge, which is used to mean mistake or being crazy. In the Bible it occurs only in Genesis 43:12."

There is a lot going wrong in this world that is not inadvertent. It is the duty of the personnel in the Shule to challenge the human race to be as pure as advertently as possible. If this were happening previously, the people that died or were lost on October 7, 2023 would still be with us.