#ive been trying to figure out a good answer for this one since you sent it and it just suddenly came to me in a flash of inspiration

[magicalgirlmascot]

KNPS Whenua probably does not have an evil slug collection hidden away somewhere like his canon counterpart did (one hopes, anyway). Is there anything in particular he does collect? ( I mean. Of course he does, it’s Whenua. You could tell me he was really into stamps or coins or folio society editions or fossils or vintage teapots or pinned insect displays or baseball cards and I’d go ‘yeah that tracks.’ But narrowing it down is hard.)

Red Rose tea figurines. He has a nearly complete set proudly displayed in a little glass cabinet he found at a yard sale and pestered Onewa into restoring for him. Nuju has offered several times to go looking for his missing figures on ebay or wherever but he refuses. He will hunt these ancient kitschy doodads down the old fashioned way or die trying. He goes to a LOT of yard sales and secondhand stores.

[sexysturn]

MAKE YOU MINE.

FWB!BSF!DRIVER!CHRIS x DRUNK!READER

warnings: SMUT. mentions of being used for your body, sex while drunk, fingering, oral f!recieving, spitting on face/in mouth (???), squirting, getting caught, creampie, unprotected p in v (dont do this), names: “good girl, baby, ma, slut, darling, love, etc”.

summary: you and chris have always felt something besides just a fling for each other, its just never been said out loud. but you, madison, and nick decide to go out for the night. you forget to tell your best friend chris where youre going, and you get a little too drunk, nick and madison cant drive, so chris has to drive you home. but theres too much tension for chris to handle himself tonight.

not proofread.

authors note: this has a VERY long intro guys sorry whoopsie i locked in

i cant focus my eyes on anything. the whole room is filled with purple and pink lights. all i hear is the muffled laughter and conversations in the bar and my friend madison screaming something at what i have to assume is nick.

“NICKKK THIS IS MY SONGGGG” madison drunkenly shouts, slurring her words almost more than mine. “NO WAYY!!” nick yells.

nick is the only sober one out of me and madison. i dont know how or why he is even dealing with us right now.

“nick!” i shout over the katy perry song thats playing for the fourth time tonight, and the large crowd of guys hitting on madison, hoping he hears me. he scans the crowd til he connects eyes with me. “is everything okay?” he says in my ear once he makes his way next to me through the group of grown men flirting with madison.

“nick fuck i think i- i forgot to tell chris where i went with you and mads” i say as i slur my words and almost fall over into nicks arms a solid three times. “shit its okay,” nick reassured me, “he probably assumed you went somewhere with me and madison when we left the house anyway its alright”

“n- no. hes gonna be mad” i say, realizing i havent even checked my phone for God knows how long to text him. shit.

all of a sudden i dart to where nick, madison and i left our bags, leaving nick confused contemplating on whether he should chase after me or not.

i text chris, hoping hes not mad. he hasnt texted me since i left, that cant be good.

me:

hi chris

chris:

what the fuck. ive been so worried about you why haven’t my texts gone through since you left!?

me:

shit im sorry i didnt twll you where i went i just assumed you knew where njck and madison were going cause you knew i was goibg with them.

shit i cant spell, hes gonna know im drunk as fuck

chris:

no i didnt fucking know you were going with them, plus none of my texts have sent to them either!! where the fuck are you do you need me to come get you??? are you drunk!?

me:

im at the bar dowb by the beacj but no i dont need you to come ger me

chris:

you didnt answer my other question, are you drunk?

me:

no

chris:

liar. im omw.

fuck.

i scan through the massive crowd with my purse clutched to my side trying to find nick or madison, preferably both.

i spot nick, talking to some random guy. i probably startled this poor guy when i ran up to nick basically bashing into his arm trying to tell him that chris is on the way to come get me and he seems mad.

nick has always known chris is protective of me. nick also looks worried for me, scanning me up and down. “you sure you want chris to see you out partying drunk as hell in that dress…”

he hands me his leather jacket and puts it on one of my arms and before i know it i feel a cold hand grab me by the forearm before i can fully put nicks jacket on.

its chris.

im getting practically dragged away by him, my visions still blurry, and my thoughts disoriented.

i get in chris’ car outside and he starts interrogating me.

“why didnt you tell me where you went!? what if something happened to you?!! why didnt you text me at all??”

im overwhelmed by all the questions, i can barely think. “im sorry, chris!” i shout “i figured you’d assume i went with nick and madison to the bar and it slipped my mind to text you.”

chris is silent after what i say, i glance over confused.

chris’ gaze is taken by the outfit i have on. a dark red sequin dress with holes at the sides exposing most of my waist, and a scarily low v neck which exposes my tits which are damn near about to fall out the dress.

“what are you thinking wearing that,” he says protectively, “are you trying to get laid by some random guy at the bar!?”

“no”

no? thats all im able to say? why am i nervous?

“hm. maybe ill knock some sense into you later then, teach you its not alright to display yourself like that to everyone” chris huffs.

what does that mean?

chris is silent the rest of the drive home, so am i.

we make it home and chris brings me to his room, giving me some of his clothes to change into.

boxers and a baggy “boston” t shirt.

i decide to change in his room because im too drunk to walk anymore and get to a bathroom. i ask chris for help unzipping my dress.

he comes and helps me, he gets dangerously close to my jawline with his fingers running up and down my back, to my collarbones, which is very unnecessary.

a shiver goes down my spine as he unzips my dress.

all of a sudden, he pulls and drops my dress to my ankles and acts like it was an accident.

“shit sorry” he turns around.

i dont say anything.

we are in his bed watching some random movie, and i feel his cold hand graze over my thigh, causing me to shiver again against my will.

“y’know, that dress was really pretty on you,” he says to me without hesitation. “t- thank you?”

i cant tell if he’s joking and messing with ms caise he is still mad, or if he’s being serious.

“ive always thought you were pretty.” he whispers. “im sorry i got mad earlier. i just dont want other people seeing you and thinking they can use you, you were so drunk”

“i know but i had it under control”

“did you? did you have it under control when you told nick earlier that me and you have hooked up before.”

what.

i did not do that. i couldnt have. was i really that drunk??

next thing i know i feel his hand trace up my thigh again and get scarily close to my core, which was growing embarrassingly wet from the memories of our last hookup now running through my mind, and all the shit chris did when he was unzipping my dress.

his hand finally reaches my core, he rubs circles around my clothed clit.

“you wanna dress like a slut at the bar, huh?” he hisses. “and you wanna get so shitface drunk that you accidentally tell my brother what me and you did?”

“i- im sorry, chris.”

“dont be.”

he stops rubbing my clit and he traces the band of the boxers on me, slowly pulling them down.

“youve always been a slut,” he throws the blanket off of us and pulls my boxers fully off, exposing my glistening pussy to the cold air of his room. “see. youre wet from me getting angry arent you, ma” he slaps my sensitive pussy, making me wince.

“y- yes” i whine, “please chris, touch me”

“whatd you say love, i didnt hear you” he teases while looking me dead in the eyes.

“touch me, please, chr-” before i can finish my sentence, with my mouth open he takes rhe opportunity to spit in my mouth.

holy fuck

“ohh, you couldve just asked.” abruptly he sticks his long middle finger into my aching hole, thrusting slowly. “faster, please.” i beg.

he listens and goes faster, causing me to let out an embarrassingly loud moan. he adds another finger and curls them right into my sweet spot.

“f- fuck!” i let out. “im close.”

“already?” he pulls his fingers out, causing me to whine again at the loss.

all of a sudden he strips completely and his nearly rock hard dick is exposed and seems larger than it ever has. he orders me to take off my shirt, and my tits are exposed.

“so sexy, ma” he grabs my tits and slowly moves his way back down to my still throbbing hole. he licks right from my hole to my clit leaving a slick trail. and he sticks his tounge into my hole causing my back to arch off the bed and i let out a borderline pornographic moan as his fingers begin rubbing circles on my clit again.

he moves his tounge around inside me going as deep as he can while his fingers still work steady circles on my clit. “shit. chris- dont s- stop.” i feel the knot in my stomach tighten, and without warning i squirt.

chris pulls his face away and starts aggressively rubbing on my clit causing me to keep squirting for what felt like forever.

“youre so fuckin sexy ma, only i can make you do that huh?” he says, “my fuckin slut”

“y- yes chris. only you, im yours” this makes him let out a sly chuckle. “i know.”

all of a sudden i feel his dick thrust into me, quickly and without warning. i let out an insane moan and so does he.

his moans are so fucking hot.

“fuck- chris!”

“hm?” he questions, his voice already shaky.

i dont even reply, he knows what i want. i just try my hardest to focus. his cock hitting my gspot perfectly every. single. thrust. his moans are bringing me to the edge so fucking fast.

“c- chris. im gonna cum” my voice is so shaky. his thrusts are gettinf sloppier by the second and i feel the knot in my stomach break. and i feel his cum fill me up.

we finished at the same time

we are both a moaning mess together and he pulls out of me, both of our cum dripping out of me.

then we hear chris’ bedroom door open… its madison and nick, they’re home.

“WHAT THE FUCK” they both shout in unison, nick slamming the door back shut immediately.

oops.

[sakasakiii]

Hi!

I love your work!! Your art is very pretty. Do you have a specific idea of how old everyone is ? Do you lean more towards canon or do you have your own dates in mind ? If don’t wanna a answer it’s ok!

Hope u have a nice day

(Remember to drink water!)

hiiii nonnie!!! thank you for checking in, and im happy u like the stuff i put out!! when it comes to ages, it's difficult to answer sometimes bc of the way professor tolkien's timeline is-- it makes gauging one singular place where most of the cast can be compared something that makes my tired brain go 😵🤧🤕 but i love the prompt youve given! and thus heres my attempt at it

with most of my tolkien stuff, i always try to stick to canon wherever possible emphasis is on try lmao and the topic of ages is one such place. i do make exceptions to the Professor's canon sometimes for a few reasons: 1) i like some of the scrapped ideas in his drafts, or 2) i just prefer other options. with ages, i think the only charas with canon-established ages i deviated from are fingolfin, finrod, turgon, and aredhel. i try to keep cases like these minimal tho, so i hope it doesn't bother anyone too much... 👉👈

anyways i figured just dropping a list of numbers would be kinda boring to look at so heres an illustrated guide to what the ~rough~ ages of the finweans are in my head whenever i write or draw. Y.T. 1495 (the year Finwe dies) is the controlled medium ive used to enable a fair comparison of the Finweans

note: "born Y.T. xxx" means this is the canon date of birth listed on Tolkien Gateway. "est. born [xxx]" means this is a noncanon estimate:

the First Age gets a lot more muddled from there due to the hullaballoo of everything going on, so ill only be including the doriathrim and a few other denizens of nargothrond:

it's mostly the older elves that are more undefined/vague with their ages (i.o.w. others like elwing, earendil, the peredhil twins, and most Men all have set dates of birth), so they're all i'll be doing for now. but it's that vagueness which makes hcing all the more enjoyable, isn't it! plus since we’re on this subject, under the cut are just a few headcanons and musings ive had that i wanted to put somewhere 😙

Finarfin and Earwen were born within months of each other! Finwe and Olwe made a Really Big Deal out of when they found out their wives were pregnant at the same time. As a result, the two were often sent on many playdates with each other to “bolster healthy relations” between the Noldor and the Teleri. It wasn’t an arranged marriage situation, but I like to think they were goofy for each other from the start… Resulting in the two eventually getting married as soon as they came of age, the fastest out of all of Finwe’s kids to do so. 

The reason the Ambarussa are significantly younger than the other Finweans (especially the Feanorians-- there’s a 100 Valian year gap between them and Curufin alone!) is because I imagine they were accidental babies that even Feanor didn’t expect to conceive. too bad morgoth said "its morgin time!" and started Messing Things Up shortly afterwards.....

Anaire was Lalwen's good friend long before she married Fingolfin; they met through Lalwen who wingmanned Fingolfin the whole time. i like think Anaire'd be the best out of all the wives at keeping good, healthy bonds with all the women of her family :DD

luthien's potential 姐姐/big sis dynamic with all the younger doriathrim elves is something i daydream about a lot 😌 but sometimes the fact that she's older than finarfin keeps me up at night

this has been really fun, so thanks again for asking-- annnd yessir, i am chugging water as i write this so you better be doing the same ❤️ have a great start to your week!

[anyalovesu]

tolerate it.

iv. lay the table with the fancy shit.

— “they told me multiple times that it shouldn’t be that hard, i’ve been with him for longer than i am not but i fear that there’s one thing that they’re overlooking. he is not the same person anymore. i was sitting in my dining table with a complete stranger. i don’t know who this person is anymore.”

If it’s what she has to do, then it’s what she’ll do. Eli has spent the rest of her life abiding by the rules that were given to her and as much as she hates it, she’s grown too used to it to unlearn it.

So here she is, cooking what she remembers to be Leon’s favorite meal in hopes that she could lure him out of his den. She stared at the pot of sinigang as she turned the stove off. It was crawling under her skin once again, the feeling of pity for herself for how desperate it is to cook for someone just to get them to talk to her. She never even cooked for herself ever since she had roommates unless it was completely necessary, but here she is… looking for bowls to plate what she just cooked for someone that’s supposed to be her best friend.

Every move she did only made her think how desperate she was in trying to do what she was told to do. Who would’ve known that at the age of 22, given her status and background, she would be setting up the table with the fanciest shit she could find with new porcelain and cutlery, even lighting up new candles,  hoping that he would show some appreciation because from the looks of it, it seemed nearly impossible to get a reaction from him.

To say that it was wishful thinking that Leon would break, was a foolish attempt to make herself think that she wasn’t the problem. If she was honest to herself, the past years since their falling out only made her think more and more of what she could have done to make him ditch her that easily. Isaac was there to distract her from that void inside of her heart that used to be filled by Leon, but now that Isaac is gone, who is there to distract her from it? Now that the answer to that void is living under the same roof as her but still refuses to break and talk about their fall out.

Eli’s phone dings from a notification that she just received. Expecting it was an email from a client that she and Ynes had taken a few days back, she scurried to unlock her phone and check who had sent her a message. As if the feeling couldn’t get any worse, disappointment washed over her when she figured that it wasn’t the client, instead it was Amina Park’s assistant, emailing her and Leon about the pre-made appointments that needed to be done for the wedding. 

In hindsight, maybe it was one of their ameliorations to manipulate them into thinking they are still in control of their lives after what they just did. As for Eli, it was already way too late for her to think this way. No one is in control but their parents. Nothing is as important as their decisions. And any attempts to go against that would only lead to them being strangled in harder situations than the ones given at first hand.

from: Chelsea Alcantara (chelsea.alcantara@gmail.com)

to: Ruby Elijah Yang (rubyelijahyang@gmail.com), Leon Abel Park (park.leonabel@gmail.com)

Good evening, Mr. Park and Ms. Yang. 

I am Chelsea Alcantara, Mrs. Amina Park’s personal assistant. I am tasked to inform you about your appointments regarding your wedding day this upcoming May. Listed below are the dates and specific appointments that you have to attend to in preparation for your special day. Mrs. Park is asking for your compliance among the following:

Amina Park’s assistant had sent them the schedules for multiple agendas regarding the preferences for the wedding. 

Months ago, Eli never even saw herself getting married this early. She and Isaac have never even talked about it before as Isaac was only stepping into medical school and it would be too much of a hassle if they wanted to get married sooner. She never visualized herself getting fitted into wedding dresses or picking out colors that would look great for her guests… even what flavor of cake she would want was never even on the table because she never loved cakes in the first place.

Elijah wanted to be obliterated at that point. In a span of a week, she was being bombarded with so much change on top of constantly being requested to understand and try to help Leon warm up to her… it was all beginning to be overwhelming. 

In an attempt to ground herself from an impending panic attack, she managed to find 5 things she could see, and unfortunately, one of them was the vintage white grandmother clock that Ynes had managed to scour over the internet to find, which told her that it was already approaching 8PM and they haven’t had dinner yet.

Shit.

Elijah, who seemed to have had her feet glued to the floor at that point, managed to pull herself together and find her way in front of the door that is supposed to lead to the master’s bedroom.

“Leon, dinner na,” she called carefully after knocking three times

No response.

“Leon?” she knock three more times. 

No response.

“Leon, I made dinner. Lumabas ka na d’yan. Kailangan pa pagusapan ‘yung in-email ng assistant ni tita,” she called one more time, voice a little louder the previously. 

“God, magintay ka! Palabas na!” He said with so much hate in his voice as if her mere presence, even behind the door annoyed him. 

The door opens harshly which reveals to him a very startled Elijah who flinched slightly when the door opened. It was so quick that if he didn’t know Eli any better, he would gaslight himself to think that it never happened. He knew that look. The same exact look when she’s about to fall apart. 

Has he been causing this?

“Oh shit- Sorry–” He tried reaching out for her, out of impulse, perhaps guilt as well that he was able to put this much distress on her on the first night, perhaps maybe even a part of him knew that he was being a complete asshole since he got there.

But as quick as she covered up for the slight flinch she did a while ago, Elijah stealthily steps back to avoid him.

She looked at him blankly, eyes starting to gloss as she tried to regain her feist. He is one mean motherfucker, that’s for sure.

“Lalamig na ang pagkain, kumain ka na,” despite how loving it must be to remind someone to eat before their food gets cold, Elijah’s tone was flat. To be fair, saying it again was against her will. Everything in this entire ordeal is against her will but at the end of the day, she’s just one of the puppets her papa plays with strings.

It did not seem to bother Leon anymore. As if he snapped back to his usual mean self after her cold response.

—

“May food tasting this coming Friday, sa Sunday Vine, 10:30AM. Doon rin natin makikilala ‘yung mga kinuha nilang organizers.” Leon felt like he was listening to a robot enumerate what the email contained. To be fair, Elijah was done being nice and trying to show feigned enthusiasm over their situation. She has reached the point where no amount of optimism could save this asshole for a person and only did what she did best, reciprocating what Leon could give her. “Then Saturday, make sure your schedule is free kasi kailangan tayo sa sarili nating engagement party apparently. That’s going to be in Batangas.”

“Dadaanan pa ba kita?” He asked, though he was lowkey hoping that she’ll say yes, his pride managed to take over and continued, “Magssite visit kami ni kuya around 9AM. Baka hindi kita madaanan.”

“I don’t need you to pick me up,” Eli replied to him, without sparing him even a glance, only looking at her untouched food in front of her. “My car would be back bukas. Wag mo na isipin.”

They sat there in complete silence for a good half an hour before Leon spoke. At this point, Elijah was already expecting it to be one more of his indiscretions, but it turned out to be related to their topic beforehand.

“May gusto ka na bang kulay?” He asked, but Eli just shrugged, still refusing to look at him. One glance and she’ll break. She’s been hyper aware of that for the past hour for her to even attempt to see if her conclusions were right. “Red would look nice on you.”

That’s what he remembers to be Eli’s favorite color. It was her name after all, Ruby. It matched the pigeon blood-colored ruby that sat daintily on her left ring finger with a gold band that had diamonds encrusted all around. He never even had to go down on one knee. It was just casually given to her to wear that night before they left the restaurant. A ring never looked more beautiful in someone’s hand, he thought. Though the thought made him guilty to think about because he used to think that way for Margot, it was something he couldn’t deny anyway.

“I don’t like red anymore,” she replied, shortly, not bothering to follow it up with anything. 

She had changed her favorite color not very long ago. It was one small thing, but it pained her to realize that she has not been friends with Leon for that long for him to miss the moment she lost her interest in her favorite color. It was so childish, but maybe Leon was right. She was childish. Never too mature. Never acted old enough for her age.

“Tapusin mo na ‘yan,” she mumbled quietly, getting up after finally taking one bite of her supposed dinner.

“Maupo ka,” Leon called, sternly. “If you want this to work, we should eat our meals together. Kung hindi mo ako kayang tiisin, at least be civil sa harap man lang ng pagkain.”

“Wala ka sa posisyon na hilingin ‘yan sa akin,” she replied bluntly, finally gaining the guts to look him dead in the eye. “Not when you treated me like shit the entire day.”

“Sit down.”

It was a stare down right then and there, waiting for someone to break and submit to the wishes of the other person. Neither wanted to break eye contact. They stayed like that for a good moment before Leon finally stood up and sighed, holding both of Elijah’s arms to get her to loosen up. She had that same expression again, and god knows what will happen if she does end up falling apart. 

“Look, sorry, okay?” Leon mutters defeatedly, realizing that he has yet another responsibility in his hands. “Maupo ka at ubusin ‘yang pagkain mo. Pagusapan na’tin yung iba pang nasa e-mail.”

So he read it. 

But he made Elijah seem like she was explaining the entire thing to someone incapable of understanding because of how cold he was being. 

Nonetheless, Leon guided her back to her seat and waited for her breathing to slow down. Eli was close to hyperventilating but she was too upset to notice the changes in her own body, which that alone is fucked up… but that needing to happen for Leon to show an ounce of concern is even more fucked up in her head.

“Okay ka na?” with much concern, Leon asked before filling up her water goblet that was daintily decorated with lilies of the valley on its short stem. It was only when he gave her the glass of water did he finally think of how much effort and time did she put into putting this house together, that even to the tiniest details of the porcelain and the water goblets matched the theme of the house.

“So kulay,” he said. “I’m not the best in colors.”

“Obviously.”

“Kaya, ikaw ang magdecide.”

“Blue.”

“Something blue?” He asked. It surprised Elijah that Leon had a clue on what that meant. He didn’t seem like the person to know things like that.

“Yes. The guests, they are my something blue.”

“One more thing out of the list, no?”

Then there’s silence again. Leon seemed to want the conversation to keep on going so he continued asking. “May idea ka na what kind of wedding dress ang gusto mo?”

“Wala,” she replied curtly. “Wala pa naman akong balak magpakasal before so I never thought of it.”

The fact applied to them both. Their parents’ plans worked so well because of that. None of them wanted to get married yet when they were forced to do this. Leon hasn't even thought of buying an engagement ring because he and Margot haven’t even reached the first year mark yet. 

“What about yung mga bridesmaids mo?”

“Sila Ynes lang din,” she replied. “Bianca too, if gusto n’ya sumama.”

“As long as hindi kayo iinom on the bachelorette, that’s okay,” Leon shrugged. “It’s her first time na pupunta ng kasal na hindi flower girl.”

Eli sighed fondly, remembering Bianca’s sweet face looking at her this afternoon. “She grew up so fast.”

“I know.”

“Ikaw? Covey na rin ang groom’s men mo?”

He nodded. “P’wede rin si Kuya Santi at Cielo kung gusto nila sumama.”

“You could ask them,” she said, before glancing at her phone that lit up with a notification. It was their family group chat, it seemed like her Papa was going to go ballistic again on asking updates, so she set her phone aside for the meantime and carried on with their finally peaceful conversation.

“Do you want to get married sa simbahan?” He asked.

Elijah slouches back to her seat which gives Leon the answer he was looking for. “Right, what for 'di ba? Magsisinungaling lang rin naman tayo sa harap ng Diyos.”

“Right.” Elijah answered.

“So saan mo gusto?”

“I don’t know, basta anywhere na hindi simbahan.”

“Noted. Anywhere na hindi simbahan,” he tries to pull a tight-lipped smile before breathing heavily. “Kumain ka na muna. Tas magpahinga ka na. Ako na ang bahala dito.”

“Wag mong basagin ang plato ha,” Elijah scoffs at him. “I know you don’t like me and all but mahal yan. Lalo na yang mga baso.”

“Oo na,” Leon jokes. 

Elijah only scoffs at him again. “Seryoso ako. Pati si Ynes hahabulin ka kapag binasag mo ‘yan.”

“Alam ko. Hindi ko nga babasagin.”

It was petty to think that he wouldn’t do what he just said. Leon had broken too many things to believe that. That included her ability to trust and to believe that he is saying the truth when he promises. Eli was never fond of trusting strangers, which made contracts a very helpful tool for her in her line of work. And the person in front of her is someone as good as a stranger to her now. 

Especially after he did what Leon had promised his entire life to protect her from.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ characters ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

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[bonesandthebees]

Weird question and also no pressure to answer this at all!! But uhh i was wondering if like u and firesnap and all those ppl youve gone to lovejoy gigs were like irls or like... hm how do i phrase this

Ig what I'm trying to say is, how did you meetup safely with someone you met online?

Because I have someone I trust with my life, like I've literally given them . Probably too much information about me shfngkfk but the thought of meeting up with them, while i absolutely want to. So so badly. It's also... really scary now that im thinking about seriously?

Ive actually met up w someone online before and we did it super safely but that was bc they were already visiting close to where i lived so their plans didnt Rely on that. But this would be me flying to where they live, solely to meetup with them. And that thought is terrifying and . Yeah sorry if this is a weird ask shfkf i just thought that since youve (possibly?) done it before that it might be a good place to ask. But if this is like weird or too heavy or anything then uh dont answer!! Shfkgk help im so awkward at this and am maybe regretting this but im also literally not sure who else to ask so 😭😭

But also i recognize that ur literally just here for fic n stuff so i dont wanna put any pressure on u!!

Im so sorry if this made you uncomfy, pls just delete this from ur inbox if it did FHFJFK

this is a really good question, I don't mind answering it at all! I'd say when you're meeting up with an online friend irl, you have to consider specific details to figure out the safest way to go about it

firstly, if you're a minor you need to be extra cautious. this isn't to say you turn 18 and you're magically safe now, but as a minor you are much more likely to be targeted by creeps wanting to meet up with you irl.

when I've met internet friends irl, I've done it in a few different ways. by far the dumbest and riskiest way I ever met a friend that turned out fine but I look back at and cringe on was when I was 19 and I straight up just drove to a friend's house (she was 27 at the time for reference) when I found out she lived an hour away from me. I'd never met her in person before but we'd been talking for several months and I'd seen pictures of her, but just straight up going to a stranger's house was really stupid on my end. I sent the address to my mom before I left along with my friend's name and number so I took some precautions, but still that was very risky. it turned out totally fine and she's still a really close friend of mine to this day, but yeah uhh don't do that unless you're REALLY confident in whoever you're meeting up with

as for my more recent meetups, I met roxy eli and meri for the first time last year when we all agreed to go to twitchcon san diego together (though actually I'd met meri a month before bc they happened to be visiting a city close to me for a few days, so I drove over and picked them up at their airbnb and we got dinner it was very fun). for me I was the least at risk with twitchcon because I'm from southern california, so if things got weird I literally could've just driven home. it was more risky on roxy, eli, and meri's ends because they all had to fly out for the trip. it helped though that we were all staying at an airbnb instead of someone's house. we'd all seen plenty of pictures of each other at that point, and we were all in our 20s so I think that's why we all felt more comfortable with it as well, but no matter what meeting up with people you meet online carries a level of risk to it

firesnap was one of the least risky meetups I've done lol. she had an extra ticket to see lovejoy in NY, I already had been planning a trip to new york to visit a childhood friend of mine who lived there, so we just met up while I was over there. I stayed at my friend's place, firesnap had her own hotel, and we just met up at the lovejoy venue and hung out in the queue all day. that was easy because I had my own place I was staying at, firesnap her own place she was staying, we weren't relying on each other for any of that so if something had been weird we both would've been able to dip. so I was far less cautious with that one and didn't even see a picture of firesnap until literally the day before we met up

overall, I think if you want to fly out solely to meet a friend, you need to take a few steps to make sure you're safe. first off, see if you can do a video call with them at one point to confirm that your friend is really who they say they are. get their real name, phone number, and address and give it to someone you know so if things go wrong someone knows where you are. and when you fly out, make sure you have a backup plan to get out if things get weird. see if you have any family or friends you've already met in person that live nearby who can get you if things aren't feeling right, and if not, find a hotel near where your friend lives and make sure you have enough money to stay at it in case of an emergency. and if your phone has a tracking ability on it (like find my iphone) make sure someone you know has access to that. keep your irls updated on where you are and what you're doing, and if you're really paranoid, establish a safeword that you can text family or friends back home to let them know something has gone wrong and you need help.

I hope that helps! just take precautions and always make sure you have a way to get out if you need. communicate with people you know back home and have a plan in place with them so they can help you get out if you need. but I'm sure you'll have a good time. I've had a great time meeting up with online friends so I'm hoping you have the same luck!

[wanderrlust0]

-.-

idk why he says nothings wrong when i ask him, when clearly something is wrong. ik how he is & when somethings up but he still denied it. i understand if he doesnt wanna get into it rn or he just wants to let it go but like in this case, i pretty much know exactly what its about that could be bothering him & the only way to put him at ease is to talk about it….again! this one specific thing triggered his mood last night & i didnt even think it would. i noticed a red scratch mark on my chest and sent him a pic saying how i think his cat made the scratch. his reply was soo serious, like i could actually feel him doubting me thru the phone. i knew he was questioning if it was really the cat bc he said how he was close to my chest the other day and didnt see anything so that is odd that theres a scratch. !! i immediately knew where his mind went & that thought didnt even occur to me when i sent that pic..like if i knew that would cause him to think of this crazy scenario then i wouldnt have sent that snap in the first place tbh bc right after that, his tone & the way he texted just shifted. hes not the best at masking his feelings like me so i can tell when the energy feels different. i also posted some pics from the hangout on my ig story & he saw it later that night. i have a feeling that added to his misery and all of today it was so prevalent, even if he denies it. idc if he says nothings wrong bc its not convincing and its not just in my head. he went from msging me all cutesy & happy to immediately being more neutral & uninterested. we always send a snap to say good morning (unless we get busy but we still send a snap with whatever we’re doing). he didnt open the app, as well as reply to my snap, until 7:15pm.. around 4 was when i asked him whats wrong (bc i already knew he was ignoring me). his response was that nothing really is wrong and how he went straight to work and his boss switched his assignment. usually id let that go but not when its already past 7 and hes firsttt opening snapchat to answer me ? and i see that hes been on instagram. also.. hes always talking to me when hes either at work already, still at home, or driving to work. the only time he goes mia like that is when something is definitely upsetting him. also!.. when that happens, he will text me after a couple hrs to let me know how hes feeling & why he was silent. he didnt always do that but i told him to bc its not fair to me by feeling like ive done something or just the feeling of purposely being ignored by my own boyfriend. but yeah.. he didnt do any of that this time BC its this whole situation again. i really dont know what more i could do to reassure him about it. i feel like ive done and am doing all that i can rn. its mostly up to him now to let himself figure it out and honestly, just trust me. like just saying.. im not gonna be making that mistake that you (both) did and be stupid with it.. and neither will snow. theyre not a “friend” its actually becoming really genuine and sweet and i wont let it get ruined bc of him doubting me. i also wont let the friendship ruin me and him. i really cant help but compare it to what he did with his friend, especially since i just found out like a month ago. i also have this suspicion that it happened earlier that yr (when we were still together) than what he told me, but i dont even wanna think about that for any longer. i was told by her Husband! that it happened when they were still in school together. that means a year before. idk if i believe that. she mightve lied, but my suspicion’s still there. like i asked him if he remembered what month and he couldnt. all he knew was that it was during our break..-.- the what.…like 1 1/2 month long break. you dont remember which month..? i sound so salty rn omg i dont mean to. im just trying to understand. ill see how he is with me tm bc we barely talked today. kind of glad i worked most of the day so i was able to keep busy and not hyper focus on him ignoring me.

[nevalizona]

[Ivy/Ellis] I: 6 & II: 2, 7 & III: 7,

[Rivera/Aldridge] II: 6, 7, 15 & IV: 13

I tried not to give too many, but ended up doing so!! Aaaaaaa sorry!!! (Also sorry I couldn't figure out how to format this 😵‍💫)

Prepare for a *very* long answer sksksksksk I LOVED this by the way so thank you for all the questions you sent in!

Ivy Nicole/Ellis:

Section I:

6). What was their "flirting stage" like?

--Ivy Nicole flirts a lot but so does Ellis. Both lay it on thick. Ivy Nicole is a touchy flirter and Ellis is a talk kinda guy. They both flirted too much all the time. They just love doting on each other. Both are flirty individuals so it only makes sense that they would have really enjoyed this stage. Ivy Nicole tends to flirt more around folks, and since she’s more hands on than Ellis that would get them in trouble. They shouldn’t be getting handsy in church! But that’s a whole other can of worms about Ivy Nicole that I don’t wanna go into right now lol. 

Section II:

2). Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

--They did and they didn’t. They had been dating ‘practically’ by the time they finally went on an official actual date. Ellis wanted to take her somewhere special, and let her get all dressed up (he did too ofc, he just knows that she likes to get gussied up and has complained about not having much reason too.) It was really fun and Ivy Nicole was flattered to be taken out like this. She has never been on a ‘real’ date before. Her first “boyfriend” was not in a place to take her on dates nor did he seem to want to. She went home and cried because she was so happy. 

7). What is their relationship with each other's families like?

--Sammy and Ivy Nicole do not always get along. Somedays, they are fine. She, Ellis and Sammy all sit around and chat, laugh, whatever, it’s a good time. Other days, they buttheads. Sammy tells Ellis that Ivy Nicole is a bad influence on him. He tells this to Ivy Nicole too, but he also asks her what she sees in Ellis, this softens Sammy up some because immediately she melts and gushes about Ellis, proving that she cares about him far more than he had thought, she genuinely loves him, she’s just not good at the whole ‘love’ and ‘dating’ thing. He tries to help out some but these two are young and they just want to have fun.

--Ivy Nicole does not want Ellis meeting her brothers. Neither him or Sammy (not even Father James). She wants them to stay this way, perfect in her eyes. If they meet her family they will not want to love her anymore (so she thinks). She hates her family and the thought of them meeting the Robinsons tears her apart. She knows that one day, they’ll all have to meet the Harris’ and the Robinsons (and Father James) but she’s trying to put it off for as long as she can. Which Sammy is not a big fan of, he would like to meet her family, since it seems like every day that passes she and Ellis get more and more serious but he respects her wishes. In fact, he is the one that she explains everything to, one late night when Ellis was finishing up something for Sammy. He had asked why she was hiding Ellis from her family, was she embarrassed? And she looked at him like he was speaking a different language. It never occurred to her that Ellis may think she was ashamed of him, in fact, she thought she was the shameful one. She told Sammy about her family, what they have done to her, what they hadn’t done to her, just kinda walked him through everything. He kindly listened, she was more or less ranting but he knew she needed to do it. When she finally finished he said that he understood. He did tell her she needed to explain that all to Ellis, or at least some of it so he didn’t think he was the problem. She tried in her own way. 

Section III:

7).Who is better at comforting the other? How do they usually comfort each other?

--Ellis is far better at comforting Ivy Nicole. She always gets too worked up about things and honestly tends to make them worse. Sometimes though, when she does a good job, it’s lovely. She knows how to say the right things and do the right stuff. But only sometimes. Ellis is just a bit more rational when it comes to his feelings and his actions. He knows that when it comes to Ivy Nicole, words are really special, they mean a lot to her, action and touch are one thing, but telling her sweet things is a whole other thing that makes her feel incredibly loved. Ivy Nicole makes an excellent ear though, if Ellis ever needs to just vent, she’s there for him, and she will not just tell him everything he needs to hear, but she can be critical and balanced. Sometimes she’s capable of that, and for him she really tries hard.

Genevieve/Aldridge:

Section II:

6). How do their personalities complement each other? How do they clash?

--They complement her in the same way that they typically clash. He brings her out of her shell, which she loves of course, and he likes doing it but sometimes that’s more of a drag. It makes them buttheads. She doesn’t want to go out, she wants to hide away in her house, he wants to go out but also doesn’t always want to have to coax her out to do it. He loves Genevieve but he would love to do things without her giving them trouble and making things difficult. Overall though, they complement each other.

7). What is their relationship with each other's families like?

--Genevieve gets along great with Connor’s parents and his brother. She enjoys talking to them and connecting. Which is great because as Connor gets older, the more he enjoys visiting his family and being around them. Though, Connor’s mother does constantly try to convince Genevieve to leave Connor. She’s worried about them being together. Genevieve never listens to her though. When it comes to Genevieve’s family… Her younger brother did not like Connor at first. He felt like Connor pushed and pulled Genevieve in directions she typically would not have gone. Thought he could be a bit… ‘toxic’ to say the least. It took a long while for him to finally come around. He mostly realized that Connor isn’t going anywhere and if he wanted to continue being as close to his sister as he wants to be, he needs to accept her and Connor. When it comes to her parents, they were hesitant about Connor. There was something about him that they did not particularly like, but they tried to look past it for Genevieve since she was so head-over-heels in love with him. Connor tries to be on his best behavior around her family.

15). What is their most common argument about?

--Definitely Genevieve’s agoraphobia but also just how Connor is and how he treats her. They can go a good chunk of time without fighting but something happens and it eats away at them until it turns into a big blowout. They are both very… passionate people and when they feel something they really feel it so their fights can be really intense but they try really hard to make it up to the other once the fight is over.

Section IV:

13). Do they have any "couple traditions", or family traditions?

--Ooo!!!! Definitely! I think when it comes to holidays, they celebrate the normal. Connor likes Christmas and Genevieve loves Valentine’s Day. They like holidays and go out moderately for them. When it comes to little couple traditions, they like to have a very nice dinner every couple of weeks. Go all out and dress up and have a nice night. They love having an excuse to have a ‘romantic’ night and everything that means to them.

[i-like-strawb]

vent

you have been warned

okay, i genuinely feel like such a shitty person because i cant keep in touch with my friends over long distance, like i will forget to anwer then 3 hours later i dont know what to say so i just respond with "ok" and it makes me feel so bad

and then theres also the fact that whenever me and my ex bf broke up it was getting toxic like REALLY toxic he has screamed at my best friend multiple times and he freaked out cuz i didnt answer my phone for 1 hour (i was at a birthday party and i was talking about it so he knew) and hes just done some shit to me and my friends that i didnt like,

but anyways we were still friends....(for like 2 days) and near the time we broke up he had discovered he liked fem clothes (a femboy, and no i dont have anything against them, you do you as long as ur not hurting anyone) and whenever we broke it off i wasnt really thinking right at the time and he sent me stuff i didnt want to see (like him in a skirt saying "first time going out today!1!1!") and i didnt want to see it

so. i told him i didnt care and a day later he said "thanks for letting me know we arent friends" and i blocked him, on EVERYTHING, capcut? blocked. pinterest? blocked. iMessages? blocked. and i feel like such a bad person for doing that...he didnt deserve it and i got discord and im in a server with him and now i feel like i want to throw up all over again but whenever i first left him i felt really happy...

i tried forcing myself into a idgaf personality but that backfired. big time and now that i dont have a boyfriend ive just been keeping all of my emotions in (i kinda was before but not as bad y'know?) and now i dont know what to do about it so i just stay up until 3am everyday on my computer to forget it all

and my parents arent quite strict but overbearing...my dad has a weird habit of picking at what i eat and it makes me feel really bad and they also expect me to be the "perfect daughter" when i have told them i am trans and that i am struggling (when i came out my dad said "i am not respecting you" to my face. ouch.) and whenever they found out abt my sh they, instead of looking into the problem, threatened to take everything from me

and they have always put the pressure on with school. i feel like i must be perfect or else i wont have freedom, and my dad is unnecissarily (?) loud, like ive asked him to tone it down and says "NOPE" every single time and it makes my head hurt (it also doesnt help that i have noise sensitivity issues) and he just denies everything and it hurts so much....

one day ill be able to get along with him just fine, the next day im looking at a pair of scissors a little too much because of him and i dont know what i can do anymore and my mom laughed in my face when i said i thought i was autistic and whenever i was at a really low point to suggest being put in a mental hospital

and what sucks is that i never realized most of my habits were weird until my ex pointed them out (ex: i have a really bad stutter). and ever since the moment i went to school im always in some kind of toxic relationship and i never realized that until a month ago

and with the staying up till 3? oh yeah real good. im tired and anxious 24/7 i feel like shit, and i dont want to say this to anybody because i dont want to bother them and i feel like they dont and wont care about it, just like some of my hyperfixations, like i will genuinely be excited about something and i tell it to someone and they couldnt give two fucks. again. ouch

and also i get yelled at because im very socially awkward and i cant really express some feelings outwardly, like i really love your present but i dont know how to express it so i need a minute to figure it out and then i get yelled at or the "you are so ungreatful" speech and nobody bothers to try and understand

and then there is how much i loathe myself, i hate that i was born like this, i hate how easy it is for me to get acne, i hate my nose and my mouth, my face shape, my body shape, my smile, my high voice, my femme looking features, i hate the fact i was born as a girl, i hate it all so much, the only thing i love is my hair color and eyes those are the only two pretty things about me

and i hate my personality so much too, i cant describe it but i hate myself a lot and the only comfort im able to get are my stuffies, the internet and a blanket fort where i can escape from everything and the terrible headaches i get, im so tired

i also have big anxiety issues, i overthink a lot even a "hi how are you" is too much for me like what if they find it weird, wait what if they dont like me, am i being too much and its a lot of thoughts to handle all at one time and i havent been able to regress lately (6 months) and that is the only way i really know how to cope

and what i mean by havent been able to is that i dont have a lot of stuff, ive been too tired to and i dont have a cg/somebody i think that actually cares enough and since im almost done with middle school im kinda scared, i dont know why but i am

bottom line, i feel like a shit person and that i have let everybody down, i desperately need sleep, and i have a shit ton of repressed feelings/emotions and they are all resurfacing and i cannot handle it, sorry for bothering you all and have a good day/night :)

[foschiamara]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤOvercoming

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ⸻

Author's Note: After a few days (WEEKS) of thinking—procrastinating (I couldn't figure out how to start the narrative), I came up with the idea of doing a vampire Jay story with the reader. I sincerely took great care in this, please give him all the love you can!

+ All history is written from the third person.

Summary: Your boyfriend was badly hurt (bitten) by a vampire, yet you never found out. Simply, the month he disappeared, his mother came to your apartment to tell you coldly that he had "died," but that he would always be "taking care" of you from somewhere else. You didn't know what she meant by that... until...

Gender: drama, fluff, love. — C/W: Arguments, blood, very explicit situations/events, etc.

Appearances: Jake, Heeseung n Sunoo (Enhypen) / Karina, Giselle (Aespa) / Wonyoung (IVE), etc.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ⸻

Just four months had passed since the unfortunate car accident that claimed the life of Jay, his romantic partner. The young man was evidently devastated. How was he supposed to carry on without his other half? He After the months he should have been mourning, he couldn't turn the page. "This is stupid. Why can't I let you go? Why are you doing this to me?" He would say those words to his phone, which was in his boyfriend's open chat.

The boy quickly turned off his phone and with a clatter placed it on the nightstand. A small shiver ran through his body at the thought that someone had his lover's phone. After almost five months, did the millions of messages begin to arrive? He would undoubtedly look for the answers, of course, completely alone, since his boyfriend's family never said a word to him again.

The question is: How would he start looking for answers? There is nothing after his death, there were no more traces of him, there was nothing of him, it is as if he had never existed, as if he had never had anything of him physically. His head began to be tormented again with negative thoughts, which made him frown and try to fall asleep once and for all.

But it being already 4 a.m. and realizing that he hasn't slept for the next 3 hours, he decided that it was a good idea to form a cave made of his sheet, his pillow and... him. He made himself as comfortable as he could and gently took his phone to enter his gallery—again—hoping that he would get some sleep if he saw a few photos/videos of his boyfriend with him.

Thus, around 20 minutes had passed since he was watching several images, mostly funny, where he let out a melancholic laugh when he saw that they were moving images, so he could know what happened seconds before.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ⸻

→ January 2024, 4:25 pm :

(J) "Baby? We should go-... shit you look so good"

"Do you think? I dressed like this to go out with you"

(J) "I can tell, you usually dress like a bum. A sexy bum."

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Suddenly, he swiped his finger to play one last video and try to fall asleep again. However, as soon as the video began to play almost automatically, the young man quickly sat up in his bed, leaving his improvised sheet-cave, placing his pillow on his bent legs and leaning his back against the wall. What was special about that 2-minute video? It was one that Jay had sent him when he had gone on a trip—for studies—and in it he told him how much he missed him.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ⸻

→ November 2023, 11:47 pm :

Hello, my love, I wanted to tell you that I am so sorry for not being able to talk to you so much today. I miss you like nothing in the world. I wish I could have you here with me so you could enjoy the beautiful views that the hotel offers me. Ah... it's hard not to cry doing this. I wish I could kiss you one last time, but you know-

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ⸻

He couldn't finish watching the video; Tears flowed quickly from his eyes and fell like a waterfall. He threw his phone somewhere on the bed after letting out all that crying he held in after his death.

Eventually, his eyes began to feel very heavy, almost as if they were burning. Likewise, he strangely felt like someone—or something—was gently laying him on the bed. That little trance didn't last long, because he felt a cold gust of wind come through the window. What a fool, he didn't close it—that's what he thought.

However, he hesitated to dry the pair of semi-dry tears that still rested on his cheekbones colored by that beautiful crimson. It was a product of the heat that ran through his body as he tried to contain the screams of pain. He couldn't afford to be so selfish and wake up his neighbors just because he felt completely alone, right?

Cautiously, he stood up, leaning on his limbs to approach what was now simply an open window. The beautiful view, the wind on his face, and most of all, the moonlight on him, gave him a sense of peace. He smiled shyly at the moon as he murmured some disjointed words, as if he were conversing with his late love. The only way to feel it close was like this, speaking to a star 384,400 kilometers from Earth.

⸻Sweetheart, my dear prince, you don't know how much I miss you. You were the only cure for my sleepless nights... This is costing me a lot. Every day without you is like I'm always without energy. I just want to lie down and dream of you, dream of the life I could have with you...⸻ Once again, the young man expressed his anguish towards the moon, while his tears flowed uncontrollably. It was an unfair situation, since he was going through this grief in complete solitude.

In order to avoid the obstruction of his nasal passages by phlegm and other elements, he proceeded to close the window immediately, finally seeking peace of mind by lying down and closing his eyes. After all, a part of his worries would have dissipated in the wind, would have remained on the bright moon.

After checking his last message, he decided to put his phone aside before slowly getting out of his bed to choose a rather loose outfit, similar to pajamas. After all, there aren't usually that many people at this time in the park near your house. It is the only benefit of living in a place with very little traffic, if anything ladies usually pass by doing their daily walk.

As he prepared to leave his room, he noticed in his dresser mirror a couple of small marks on his neck and cheek. "How did I do this to myself?" he wondered as he ran his fingertips over the wounds. He frowned in confusion, trying to remember what had happened yesterday, or rather, what he had done yesterday, but none of his last memories included getting hurt or hurt by his nails.

Without giving it much importance, since that would mean making his best friend wait longer. After all, this would also be a form of help, a fresh new breath of energy... more or less. He shrugged and then finally left his room, grabbed his keys and left his apartment.

⸻¡M/nnie!

As he descended the stairs of the building, the only thing he heard was a noise. Seconds later, he felt arms holding him tightly, almost breaking his ribs. It was Jake, who had apparently gone ahead.

He couldn't help but smile slightly as he laughed and raised his eyebrows at that emotion. He gently squeezed his friend's waist to let him know that he could let go and the stranger would respond to the "command" after feeling his pet's leash stretch a little.

"Why are you so happy?.. Why did you hug me like that? Is there something I should know?" The boy raised his voice in the last questions without even erasing his smile and his brown eyes. Although they were best friends since second year of high school, he had never seen him so affectionate, at least not with him. "I'm just-I'm happy to see you, I-I missed being able to go for a walk with you…and with Layla!"

They both laughed until Jake's hand landed on the blonde's neck, causing him to move away from him a little with a rather serious look.

—What happened? Did someone do this to you?— Jake exclaimed in a worried tone as he approached his wounds, searching and waiting for an answer.

"I think it was me, possibly while I was sleeping, I'm not sure." M/N let out a deep sigh as he gently removed the brunette's hand from his anatomy. After what happened years ago, he wanted to avoid that kind of... approach. They both seemed somewhat uncomfortable for the moment until Layla started barking in the direction of the park and made them turn around.

A slight feeling of unease came over the shorter individual as he turned in the direction where the barking was coming from. He watched two people get up quickly. He couldn't believe that one of them resembled, no, rather, was identical to his fiancé.

Without further delay, ge rushed towards those people without realizing that he was about to be hit by a car. Curiously, his feet magically got tangled and that caused him to fall before the car could hit him; Both the metal and the tires of the vehicle brushed against his face.

Fear took over his body as he smelled the smell of tires that touched his nose. He lay still on the ground, still processing what had happened and the possible consequences if his feet hadn't gotten tangled.

"Shit! Are you okay, M/N? Does anything hurt?" His colleague quickly went to where the young man's body was already located to help him get up. Meanwhile, the long-haired youth turned his gaze towards the people dressed in black. He especially focused on one who even turned to see him fall. It was then that he managed to see part of his jaw.

Again he felt his heart shrink and his eyes water. He was so close to that tall man, so close to knowing if he was just hallucinating his boyfriend or if it was him and he had just faked everything. What was he thinking? The deceased don't come back to life... or do they?

"He...he was Jay...I'm not crazy."

Poor guy, he's experiencing such a significant loss that he's starting to see things, almost like it's appearing to him in moments where he's about to be worth shit, surely his friend should do something about it.

A/N: Did you like it? I hope so, because this is just the beginning of my descent into madness.

[indigo474]

Jan 21,2024

My Mom tells this story about how when i was a little girl i was perfect- when she would take care of me by wiping my hands and face i knew how to hold my hands perfectly. When she would take care of other kids they just didn't do it the way i did. I was by all accounts the perfect little girl. I have no doubt that her story is true. I was scared of being hit for not being perfect. I was terrified of my Mom- I also loved her deeply. I'm sure it only took me not holding my hands correctly a few times for me to figure out how she wanted me to hold my hands. I hate when my Mom tells this story.. she doesnt understand what she is saying. I do. I was the perfect little girl.. seen and not heard and honesty i dont think the adults in my life really saw me. My mom started her shit with me again.. it started last weekend with the NY trip.. I sent her pictures and immediately she asks me if i went to NY with Aunt Joanne.. No,i didnt. No other questions. we text back and forth and i call her last night. As soon as she answered the phone I knew i had made a mistake. I tried to hang up with her.. I asked her to call me when it was a better time for her. We speak a little and she is in one of those moods where she asks me a question but doesnt let me respond.. so i say hey you wont let me talk.. she hangs up and i feel that familiar feeling in my heart..hurt. she sends me text messages ultimately blaming me for her actions and the cycle goes on and on. i should no better than to call her. i should no better. the good new is, the hurt is one of those real quick hurts- like a sharp stabbing pain that goes away real fast. The text messages,i glanced at them but not much time was spent even looking at them and absolutely no response was given.. i am not interested in fighting that fight.

Ive been meditating-this week- and i can feel a difference... i'm faster to recognize an intrusive thought and bring myself back to now... Here NOW.. Mads and I had a week. she got on me about not getting a loaf of bread. I don't eat it and didn't know she needed it and things spiraled from there. there is no reason she cant get her own bread. her own food. I'm over this weather. OVER the cold, snow, wind... I am trying my best to embrace where i am... where i live.. the climate.. i know it will pass.. i know Spring is so freaking close.. i know all of this.. and it took my whole life up until now to find out that there is a name for the sun rays that as a child i thought meant there were souls going up to heaven.. there is an actual name.. crepuscular rays.. and i am starting to rethink my stance on being a sunrise person.. maybe sunsets are more beautiful? Maybe i haven't seen enough of either to make a decision. I wrote another poem. I had an idea for another poem but didn't write it down. i went and got eye glasses- ive needed them since i was 6.. i'm not sure i am going to wear them now, but i do need them to drive at night in the rain.I started reading the Brittany Spears book. Along with the Gita.. balance.. I had to order checks.. I have enough to last the rest of my life. its the first time in my life i have checks in just my name.. i lifted heavy this week. the hex bar rips my hands up. I had to hold the straight bar different this week.. i could feel it rolling out of my hands. I need to run.. need some sort of cardio. I never ever thought i would be standing in a room with men talking about my weight. I told them i wanted to lose 20 lbs.. Joey tells me that's a lot.. James tells me to aim for 5lbs at a time.

[indouloureux]

how are u love? I dont know if you saw the pictures and videos of joseph and jamie in brazil (I just saw them and I'm SCREAMING) but could you write something based on that? like joseph x costar!reader?

ps: you're amazing and I LOVE that you write for Joseph sm and you do it SO WELL

HI IM GOOD YES i saw their pics from brazil and i went absolutely feral!!! tysm for reading my works ily !! 🫶 hope you enjoy this

side note: a couple of you guys sent in requests and im sorry if im unable to post it sooner. i promise i will get to them and i absolutely love your ideas!!! i also sincerely apologize if the fonts are small im writing the blurbs on my phone and ive yet to figure out how to put "read more".

brazil is really pretty, and so is the smile on his face.

his white dress shirt hangs perfectly around his frame, but his grey blazer is missing and is instead draped over your shoulders, an offer he'd done out of worry.

even so, joseph's got an arm around your waist, holding a drink in his hand that he so carelessly waves around as he talks to people though not spilling it on anyone else. his laugh is bright and a bit drunk, but it's still contagious nonetheless.

"hey," he murmurs in your ear. "i bet you twenty dollars i get at least more than fifteen questions about what my vecna song is, deal?"

you snort, gyrating your wrist to swirl your drink. "why? did the question reach brazil?"

"i can't tell you how many times i've said the words up and down by venga boys. it's a lot more than the amount of wrong theories i saw about volume two."

joseph beams at your smile, and as much as he wants to place a kiss on your temple, he's too shy to do so in a public place. "alright. and if it's not more than fifteen, i get the twenty dollars?"

"twenty dollars and a kiss," he offers. "only because i haven't kissed you since this morning and i've been taking it out on this glass."

"eugh," you turn away from him. "gross,"

"it's true," joseph removes his arm from around your waist, only to step in front of you so you'd look at him. "when you were at the toilet i've been mouthing my drink."

"jesus, joseph."

"and mary," he smiles at you, comes back to his original position where he slots himself at your side with a hand around your back in a kind possessive manner. "no one has actually asked you what your vecna song is, though,"

"i'd rather not answer than when yours sounds like a kids bop music at a child's birthday party," you playfully clink your glass with his. joseph wrinkles his nose and opens his mouth in a silent gasp, feigning offense at your joke.

"my, how rude! i've never judged you for listening to doja cat for a whole week when she tweeted about me," joseph squints his eyes at you.

"it's my way of coping. a hot girl flirts with my boyfriend and then what?" you shake your head at him. joseph smiles, and he's really fighting the urge not to kiss you. "plus her music's good. you should try listening to it instead of dancing to venga boys every morning."

"never disrespect up and down like that," he scoffs. his hand reaches out to play with the sleeves of the blazer around your shoulder, and you find yourself tracing the curve of his chain.

"yeah yeah, whatever."

"oh, here comes another one," finally, he steals a quick peck on your temple, hand sinking deeper into your waist. "prepare to lose twenty dollars, darling."

would very much appreciate feedback and reblogs!! <3

[utahlive]

im sorry utah nation. I played videos game instead of working on an episode,, orz

on an unrelated note, I wanted to ask: does anyone have any tumblr themes or ways to make posts chronological? We have roughly 150 episodes of UtahLIVE, and although most of them can be read out of order, there is a timeline (plus it would be more convenient for new readers. Ive gotten a lot of asks about topics or scenarios that have already been answered). If there are any tutorials/themes/tips let me know via DMs or ask box!

additionally:

LETS GOOOOO!!! This is insane! 4000 people... thats roughly twice the size of the student body at my school. I dont know how many of you guys are porn bots, but im still going to take this W. I feel like I should do something special? People usually do community events for milestones I think so if you have ideas let me know?? Otherwise I’ll have something fun to post in the next week.

+ some quick q&a below

avoiding potential lawsuits 🙏

I know this one is meant for Wilbur, but alas thats just how I draw eyes. Sorry my art style gave your fave character cataracts. yeah its permanent. no sorry we cant fix it. um. insurance doesnt cover the surgery so hes like that forever. yeah. sorry

(i do like to mess with how I draw eyes, but the white color is a stylistic choice)

its a psycho-competitive relationship that can be construed to be romantic (but it's not explicit). obviously

anon im holding your hand so tenderly and lovingly. it means a lot that people like my art! more than I can say, which is why ive been trying to figure out how to answer this ask for the past like... two+ weeks since you sent it in! Im probably gonna hold off on sharing my other accounts for a few reasons (there might be some people who already know my other blogs which is fine idc welcome to my twisted mind etc im just not going to advertise them here). My main blog is basically a spam blog where I dont tag anything. I dont really post original art and my fandom art is few and far between. 90% of my work just goes in discord DMs or servers 💀 I think the main reason though-and this may or may not make sense to some of you-is that I don’t want your opinion of me to change how you view the story. This is a super specific example, but for all my fic readers out there: have you ever joined an authors server, and then after meeting them you feel a bit odd about the fic since the creator isnt exactly the person you thought them to be (not necessarily in a good or bad way)? That’s exactly what I don’t want happening with this blog. Basically: Nooo what if you find out about me as a person and realize im cringeeee aaaaa [image of the werewolf transformation (you know the one)] That being said, we’ll see how things go, I guess! At the very least, I’ll probably put my socials out when I’m done here (we got a ways to go before that happens though, so dont even start to worry about that) that was a lot of text for one answer. yeesh 😬 sorry about that

[dreamwritesimagines]

Twisted 28 - Sunlight [Spencer Reid x Reader]

A.N.: Thank you so much for your wonderful support my loves! Here’s the next chapter, I hope you will like it as well, and please let me know what you think of it! ❤❤ Ily, kisses! ❤❤❤

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Murder, serial killers, violence, manipulation, mentions of sex, drinking, smoking, hospitals, medicine.

Word Count: 4400

Summary: Survival makes people stronger.

Everyone’s voices were so muffled that for a moment it felt as if you were under water. It came and went just like the warmth, just like the comfort—

One moment there, the other moment far away, and anytime you tried to reach through that haze, you were pushed back into the numbness.

You could swear at some point your father was there too. You were still at the cabin, in that dress, sitting across from him by the chessboard, and then back at the weekend house where your sister was chasing you around the piano, your mother calling out for you to stop running, then someone pushing you into the lake by the cabin before it changed again and your father handed you a knife.

If this is hell, I’d like to talk to the manager.

But eventually, it all came back to you. There was this heaviness on your hand, your chest and ribs hurt terribly and your forehead kept stinging as you tried to open your eyes to meet the bright lights of the hospital room.

Ah. You weren’t in the woods anymore.

You had made it after all.

The constant beeping of the machine caught your attention for a moment before you looked down to see Spencer’s head resting on your hand, his fingers entwined with yours. Your mother was by the couch, her eyes fixed on the ceiling with a crumpled tissue in her hand and Mina was resting her head on her shoulder.

“Mom?” you rasped out and your mother’s eyes whipped to yours, Mina sat up and Spencer’s head shot up.

“Oh thank God!” your mother jumped out of her seat to come to your beside and pressed a kiss on top of your head, making you wince. “Oh thank God you’re okay…”

“Hey,” Mina wiped at her eyes and cleared her throat, “Welcome back brat.”

You smiled and turned to Spencer who was still holding your hand tight, watching you with bloodshot eyes.

“I know,” you said, “No eyeliner right?”

A small sob mixed with laughter rose from his throat and he pressed your hand to his lips, swallowing thickly.

“Hi.”

“Hey professor,” you tried to smile but you were in too much pain to do so, “Is there like…a morphine button or-?”

“I’ll go get the doctor,” Mina rushed out of the room and closed the door behind her, and your mother pulled back.

“How do you feel honey?”

“Like I crawled out of hell,” you said, “Is- is everyone okay?”

“Everyone is fine.”

“Where’s Lily?”

“With Kenzie and Nolan, outside.”

You let out a breath and turned to Spencer.

“You figured it out?” you asked, “The note?”

“Ophelia, yeah,” he sniffled and nodded fervently, “Cabin by the lake, we were on our way there when—” he stopped talking as if remembering it was way too heavy on him and you squeezed his hand.

“How did I….” you looked between them, “Survive? Erica shot me.”

“The helicopter,” your mother said, “We sent it with a medic and a sniper just in case.”

“You sent a helicopter with a medic and a sniper?” you repeated, “Mom, that sounds like a joke.”

“Well I’m glad you find it funny,” your mother wiped at her eyes again, “Because you’re grounded for the rest of your life.”

“Okay,” you shot a look at Spencer, “Ignore this.”

“No, not even your boyfriend can help you right now.”

“They still like you, no worries,” you explained and he shook his head slightly, reaching out to touch your cheek as if trying to prove to himself that you were real.

“I thought—“ he started and blinked back the tears, gritting his teeth and you rubbed your thumb over his hand.

“I’m fine,” you said and lifted your head when the thought hit you, “Wait what happened to Lincoln?”

A shadow crossed Spencer’s eyes and your mother flexed her fingers as if she wanted to throttle someone upon hearing his name.

“That monster is currently handcuffed to a hospital bed,” she said, “But not to worry, we put ten guards in front of his door, and I will make sure to ruin his life myself.”

“He survived?”

“Barely,” Spencer said through his teeth but before he could say anything else, the door opened and a doctor stepped in. Even you could hear Lily’s very loud protests, Kenzie trying to shush her and you smiled slightly before turning to the doctor who was checking the file in her hand.

“Hello Y/N,” she said cheerfully “Nice to see you awake, for a moment you had me worried we wouldn’t get to meet. So, we have head trauma, a bullet wound, broken ribs and blood loss. Were you trying to fill out a bingo of dangerous injuries or…?”

“Go big or go home doc,” you nodded and she raised her brows.

“Should I put in a psychiatric evaluation in here as well then?”

“Yes please,” your mother pinched the bridge of her nose and you heaved a sigh, making a face.

“Pain?”

“A lot.”

“Let’s see what we can do about that,” she said and Spencer stood up.

“Can I see her chart please?” he asked and she took almost taken aback before showing him the chart.

“I’d like to change these two meds,” Spencer said and started listing off his suggestions while you watched him with a smile on your face.

“Spencer,” you said, “Please let the nice and smart lady do her job.”

The doctor grinned at you, “That’s alright. Is there anything you would like to ask me?”

“Two questions. One, when can I go home?”

“We’d like to keep you under observation for a couple of days, depending on how fast your body shows progress to heal.”

“Okay. Can I smoke here?”

“Oh Jesus Christ,” your mother threw her head back, Spencer just stared at you and the doctor blinked a couple of times.

“Since this job taught me never to take any question as hypothetical,” she said, “I’m just going to answer it. No, under absolutely no circumstances are you allowed to smoke here.”

You curled your lips, “It was worth a try.”

“We’ll give you some really good painkillers, don’t worry,” she winked, “I’ll let the rest of your family in and see you later.”  

She walked to the door and opened it, and soon enough Lily rushed inside but as soon as she leaped at you, Kenzie caught her mid-air like a troublesome cat.

“No, what did I say outside?”

“But mama—“

“It’s okay Kenz. Hi bug.”

Kenzie gave you a teary eyed smile and slowly set Lily down, and she hugged her teddy bear before taking a step towards you, nibbling on her lip.

“Does it hurt?” she pointed at the stitches on your forehead and you tilted your head.

“Just a little, sweetie.”

She carefully put the teddy bear beside your bed and grinned at you.

“Mr. Chocolate Chip Cookie will be your friend here,” she patted the teddy bear’s head and you let out a small laugh.

“I really appreciate it bug, thank you,” you said and held the teddy bear in your lap before you turned to Nolan. “Hey man, thanks for the helicopter.”

“Thanks for the almost heart attack,” he replied and fixed his bowtie, “You keep me young with all this panic and adrenaline. Honestly Y/N, never do that to us again, please.”

“I’ll try my best not to get kidnapped by a maniac again,” you stated, “Besides, mom already grounded me so…”

“Good! No jet for you for a while young lady.”

A nurse came in to inject the painkiller into your IV, and you smiled at the sight of your family fondly, then cleared your throat.

“Hey, not that I didn’t miss you guys,” you said, “But um…can I talk to Spencer for a moment?”

Kenzie and Mina exchanged looks and Kenzie lifted Lily up.

“We’ll be right outside,” she said and walked to the door. One by one they left the room and your jaw dropped when you saw Mina squeezing Spencer’s shoulder before she left as well.

“Well, something changed,” you commented and Spencer came to pull a chair next to the bed before he reached out to hold your hand.

“She was the first one to talk to me when we landed,” his voice still didn’t sound so strong and you frowned.

“What did she say?”

“Go there and bring my sister back.” Spencer said and ran a hand over his eyes, “Based on the profile, I thought he’d already—“ he couldn’t even finish that sentence before he kissed the back of your hand, “I thought I lost you.”

“Nah, cigarettes will kill me, not serial killers,” you reached out to push a curl out of his eyes, “I thought you knew that. All looks and no smarts, aren’t you?”

He scoffed a shaky laugh and you licked your lips.

“What happened there?” you asked, “I heard gunshots after Erica shot me, is she—“

“Dead,” Spencer nodded, “She was shot right there.”

You could feel the goosebumps on your skin, “And Lincoln?”

“I was going to kill him,” Spencer said, “If I got there first, I would’ve.”

“Spencer you don’t mean that.”

“I do,” he told you, a dangerous light gleaming in his eyes, “I do mean that.”

You heaved a sigh, now easier thanks to the painkillers, “Yeah well, I guess I know the feeling.”

“Um- the team is outside as well by the way,” he said, “Luke and Garcia has been here the whole night, and I’ve been instructed to tell you, word by word, no amount of pastries will excuse the worry you put them through.”

You grinned, the tired haze of sleep crashing on you, “Ouch, I’ll have to try harder I guess,” you said and yawned, making Spencer smile.

“Rest a little,” he said, “I’ll stay right here, okay?”

You nodded and leaned your head back to the pillows, then closed your eyes.

                                                 ***

You were given the permission to go home after a week because your mother insisted on keeping you there until she was convinced you wouldn’t drop dead all of a sudden. Surprisingly enough, she didn’t raise hell when you told her you would be staying at Spencer’s place for a while, and for once, Mina agreed with you.

You really needed to ask Spencer what had happened while you were gone, in detail.

It was strange, but your sleep was much less disturbed after you had returned from the hospital. When you were in hospital you had just assumed it was because of the meds they had given you, but now, sleeping with Spencer in his bed, there was still no sign of any nightmares.

With you, that was. Spencer was a completely different story.

You still had to be careful because of your ribs and the doctor had told you to be careful with how you slept, so the moment you moved a little in your sleep and felt the pain shooting through you, you made a face and reached for Spencer’s side of the bed only to meet an empty spot. You opened your eyes, and carefully sat up in bed, trying to hear whether there was any noise to signal he was coming back to bed but there was none, so you slipped out of the bed and walked to the living room.

Of course he was there. Cradling a cup with steam coming out of it in his hands, staring into the darkness as if he was lost in his own mind.

“Spencer?” you said softly and he turned his head, snapping out of his thoughts.

“Hey,” he said, trying to smile, “Why are you up?”

“I could ask you the same question,” you tilted your head before you went to sit beside him and he ran a hand through his curls.

“It’s not important.”

“Nightmares?” you asked and he nodded silently.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Maybe later,” he murmured, “How about you? Any pain? Do you need an ice bag?”

You shook your head, “Nah it’s fine,” you said, “It doesn’t hurt that terribly.”

“And your nightmares?”

You shrugged, “No nightmares. I mean—at least not like the earlier ones. Not where I’m turning into him.”

“Trauma works differently in everyone.”

“I don’t think it’s the trauma though,” you said, “I think it’s because…because I know now.”

He raised his brows, his whole attention on you, “What do you mean?”

“It’s not in me,” you said, “It’s just—it’s just not. I don’t think it ever was. My father killed people because it made him feel powerful. It wasn’t like that with me, back at the cabin. It was survival. For me and people I care about, that’s all. It doesn’t make me evil.”

That seemed to pull him out of his thoughts and he smiled.

“No it doesn’t,” he said, “You’ve never been evil. Even when he tried to turn you into that.”

Even your heart felt light, despite the pain in your ribs and your smile widened.

“I know he’s not dead but…”

“He’s locked away. Same difference from now on.”

You paused for a moment, “Speaking of,” you said, “I was thinking I could go and see him for the last time.”

He frowned, “Why?”

“I don’t know. I think it’ll help me put this whole thing behind me.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“I want to see the look on his face when he realizes his small project failed,” you said, “Trust me. There’s no way he can get to me, not anymore.”

He rubbed his thumb over your hand and you leaned back to the back of the couch, still keeping your gaze on his handsome face.

“You don’t have to come with me,” you said, “If it’s too much.”

“It’s not that,” he rasped out, “Officially, I might not be allowed in.”

“Why not?”

“I’m leaving the BAU.”

You blinked a couple of times, gawking at him, then sat up straighter.

“What?”

“I can’t anymore,” he averted his glances from you to look into space, nibbling on his lip, “Y/N, I was out of the city when they called me to tell me you were missing, that you were most probably taken by the copycat. And for the whole time until I found you…” his voice cracked, “Lincoln’s profile, before we even knew that he was Lincoln, it all suggested that he…killed his victims without spending any time with them. I thought—“ he sniffled and cleared his throat, “I can’t do that anymore. Imagining you like all those victims…”

“Spencer, I’m fine.”

“But you weren’t,” he said, barely moving his lips, “Back there.”

Ah. The woods.

“That’s what your nightmare was about?” you asked and he heaved a shaky sigh.

“I couldn’t save you,” he said, “You died there, and I couldn’t do anything, I was too late—“

“Spencer,” you reached out to touch his cheek, “Hey, look at me.”

He turned his head so that his eyes would meet yours and you dragged your fingertips over the slight stubble on his cheek.

“You weren’t too late,” you told him, “And I didn’t die. Okay? I’m right here. Don’t leave the BAU because of me, do it only if you want to. I’ll be with you either way.”

He blinked back the tears and nodded. “I want to,” he whispered, “I can’t anymore, and I want- I want to be here. I’ll just…I’ll focus on teaching, and the team can consult me whenever they need to, but I need to be here.”

“And you’re sure about that? It’s not some…heat of the moment decision?”

“It’s not,” he said, “I’m positive.”

“Alright,” you smiled at him softly, “Okay then. I guess instead of talking about gruesome murders and copycats who were after me, we can be one of those boring, cliché couples who bicker about…I don’t know, dirty dishes in the sink, or how you forgot to put down the toilet seat or-“

“Your hair in the drain.”

“I’m going to pretend like you weren’t waiting for the opportunity to bring that up.”

He let out a teary laugh and wiped at his eyes before he pulled you closer and carefully wrapped his arms around you so as not to hurt your ribs, burying his face into the crook of your neck. You brushed your fingers through his curls, as if trying to prove to him that you were there, that you were alright.

“I love you so much,” the confession left his lips in a whisper and you could feel the burning behind your eyes as you raked your nails over the nape of his neck gently.

“I love you too,” you murmured, “God, you have no idea how much.”

                                                      ***

The BAU, upon your request, fixed a meeting with your father for the next week.

And throughout that week, everyone tried to convince you to change your mind. Your mother had made a whole scene during brunch, telling you that it was as if you liked torturing yourself, but you knew deep down that you had to talk to him for the last time.

Seeing your father after what felt like a life time, especially after everything that you had been through was strange at the very least. You didn’t have any goosebumps, you didn’t have that nervousness messing with your head, you didn’t feel like you were under the threat of being attacked any time, and most of all—

You didn’t feel like he was stronger than you. At all.

You lit a cigarette in the interrogation room, then flipped the cap of the lighter and turned your head when the door opened and your father walked in, chains dangling from his handcuffs wrapped around his ankles. He stared at you for a couple of seconds as if he didn’t expect to see you there and let out a breath.

“Petal…”

“You should sit down,” you said, exhaling the smoke and a guard helped him sit down across from you.

“We’re right outside, miss.”

“Thank you,” you said and watched as he straightened his back, his gaze focused on you.

“You look…” he trailed off and you raised your brows,

“Hm?”

“What did they do to you?”

“Ah I guess your outside source ending up dead gets you a bit behind on the news,” you said, “Erica is dead, Lincoln is never gonna see the sunlight again, and your whole project to turn me into your legacy with the help of them failed terribly.”

“I’d never allow them to harm you like this.”

You rolled your eyes, exhaling the smoke.

“But you fought your way out, didn’t you?” he asked you, “Looks like my training helped you after all. Even if you refuse to see that.”

“Did you seriously think I’d become like you?” you asked back, “Did you think Lincoln would manage to turn me into you?”

“Honey, Lincoln was going to be your companion at best, your first kill at worst.” he said and you clicked your tongue.

“Oh, that was your plan all along?”

“Some part of it, at least. I knew they wouldn’t be able to handle you, but I thought you could decide what to do with them. Could you kill Erica at least?”

“Didn’t get the chance.”

“You should have,” he said, “You would see, Petal.”

You twirled the cigarette between your fingers, staring at him for a couple of seconds.

“I keep thinking,” you mused, “You know what I said to Mina and Kenzie when they first told me they wanted to have a baby?”

He tilted his head, “Hm? What?”

“I asked them if they lost their minds.”

Your father pulled back slightly and you shrugged your shoulders.

“Because I mean… Kenzie’s parents are assholes, and there’s you,” you motioned at him, “Not that anyone else could take the cake on being a messed up parent when you’re in the picture.”

“I take offense to that.”

“I don’t care,” you said, “But then it hit me, back at the hospital. I was looking at this whole mess from the wrong perspective.”

“Which is?”

“They had a point,” you said, “Back then- before all this I mean, I thought when someone decided to have kids, their first priority was to be the perfect parent. That’s stupid, it’s impossible to be the perfect parent, our own parents mess us up in one way or another. But I get it now.”

“You get what?”

“The first step is being better than your own parents, not starting out perfect,” you said, “That’s why every generation is different, we’re all trying to be better than our parents, and some of us actually succeed.”

“And you think you’d be a better parent than me, is that it?”

“Shouldn’t take that much of an effort to be honest.”

“Are you…?” he motioned at you and you scoffed.

“No,” you said, “No, but what happened back there made me think. I’ve been living my whole life so convinced that you messed me up beyond my own control, beyond saving, but that’s not completely true, is it? I mean, just because you’re in my past, doesn’t mean I’ll have to include you in my present.”

“But I am in your present Petal.”

You pursed your lips together, then gestured around you. “Debatable. Nolan is buying this whole place, did you know that?” you asked, “All your guards are on our paychecks, so it should be harder to…use them to contact outside. We control everything that’s happening here, and there’s nothing you can do about that.”

He blinked a couple of times, trying to catch up with your train of thought.

“And you think that will be enough to put me behind you?”

You shook your head, “No, I don’t think it’s that easy,” you confessed, “But it’s a start.”

He moved his hands on the table, the chain rattling.

“I raised you.” he said, “I’m inside your head, whether you like it or not. You’re my legacy—“

“I’m my own legacy, you fucking idiot,” you said with a small chuckle, “That’s who I am. Just because your expectations of me will not leave me, doesn’t mean I’ll let them haunt me.”

“And you think that will be enough.”

“I will never see you again,” you tilted your head, “Should make things easier, to be honest.”

He smiled, “But you already hurt people,” he said “You know how it feels now, don’t you? That fire? Now you know what you’re capable of.”

You thought for a moment.

“Yeah,” you said, “Yeah I do. Now I know that if it ever comes to that point, I’m capable of protecting myself and my family. It doesn’t make me a monster, it makes me a survivor. Me and mom have that in common, after the shit you’ve pulled.”

He stared at you and you took a last drag of your cigarette, then checked your wristwatch.

“Well I should go. You may have all the time in the world, but I actually have a life, so…”

You stubbed your cigarette and walked to the door but as soon as you opened it, he said your name, making you stop.

“You can’t escape from this,” he said, “Even if you never see me again, you still won’t escape, you know that, right? Why do you think I chose you and not your sister? Even when you were a child, you had…something in you. Something dark, something dangerous.”

The idea was very familiar to you. You had been saying the same thing to yourself for many years and hearing it from him for what felt like a hundredth time was supposed to make you feel bad, you knew that. If it were any other time before your kidnapping, before saving yourself in that cabin, before surviving everything your father and his followers had put you through, it would probably have more effect on you.

The last time he had done that, you had ended up in the stairs, shaking until Spencer had found you.

But it wasn’t that time.

It was as if something had clicked inside your head after everything, and your father’s words held no strength in them.

“Come on honey,” he told you, “Some people are just born twisted.”

A small smile pulled at your lips and you raised your brows, looking at him for a couple of seconds, etching the sight of him in chains into your memory.

“Maybe,” you said and took a step towards him, opening your cigarette case to pull out the small jasmine flower out of it, then put it on the table, eyes locked to his before you leaned in slightly.

“But I wasn’t.”

With that, you turned around and walked out of the interrogation room for the last time, ignoring the way he was yelling your name. Your smile widened as you made your way out of the building, your heels echoing in the halls before you stepped out, the fresh air filling your lungs.

“Hey,” Spencer greeted you, leaning back to your car and reached out so that you could step into his embrace as he pushed your hair out of your face, “How did it go?”

“As expected,” you stood on your tiptoes to press a kiss on his lips and he heaved a sigh.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you said “Yeah I feel like…he’s gone. He’s gone, I’m here and I’m free and I know myself now. I finally woke up from that nightmare, for good.”

He smiled and brushed his lips against yours, “That’s a good start,” he commented, “What do you want to do now?”

“I’m open to suggestions,” you said and he tilted his head before he held up your keys.

“What do you say we drive away and never return here?”

You let out a small giggle and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I like that idea,” you said, “Let’s drive away and never return.”

Chapter 29 

[bonesandthebees]

okokokok idk if im reading too far into this but it FEELS like what techno did was intentional?? you have a wonderful habit of giving characters motivations and agendas that come across as infinitely simpler and easy to judge until afterwards when you see what they were really trying to accomplish. and the timing, with phil and techno both approaching him within the span of a few days? that feels like something they orchestrated together, especially considering the fact that the two seem to work on the exact same wavelength in this setting at all times. i cannot see techno doing something like that without at least SOMEWHAT briefing it with phil first, and while techno did seem uncomfortable with the situation at first, all the purposeful mentions of him looking thoughtful once he saw the crimeboys dymamic made me go hmmmmm (also. no idea what about crimeboys is what caused techno to change his mind and start pushing, but im gonna think EVEN HARDER AFTER I SEND THIS)

i feel like he planned on a convo with wil on this topic, but maybe intended on it occuring in a more private setting like phils did? then kinda went 'fuck it, may as well if he's right here and i have a good opening to start an intense convo'?? emduo trying to push wil further, knowing that in the end these tough pills and forced reevaluations of himself would be helpful even if it'll hurt in the moment- something that other people wil regularly talks to avoid entirely... (part of me wants to think the others being around was planned to add pressure or prevent him from shutting it down as easily, but then why was techno so hesitant in the beginning...)

i see techno being fully genuine in those questions, though- hell, maybe the motivation is entirely different and phil and him are trying to use the very volatile state he's in to get more information out of him? or it could be both at once. idk i love this chapter a lot i just feel odd writing off technos actions as just shit disturbing for the sake of it, or just feeling anarchist-y in the moment. there's SOMETHING there. what is it? i dont know.

ive never sent an anon but hi >:) ig 🦡💥🍂 just in case any are in use and i end up writing another essay immediately after finishing a chapter LMAO

I wouldn't say techno necessarily planned out this convo, but he did have a somewhat different intent than how it came across. while he wasn't sure, he was starting to suspect that things in the palace might not have been what they seemed from the outside. the kidnapping was easy. it went off without a hitch, and that's strange because the pythia can literally see the future. why wouldn't clara warn him? why does the pythia seem to have such a fucked up mentality regarding his relationship with clara? why has nothing changed in the government since they kidnapped him? things weren't adding up, and while techno was very unsure what the full picture was, he wanted to push the pythia to see if he could force him to give them some answers, even if that meant upsetting him a bit. he didn't mean it when he implied the pythia was bad at his job. it was more like a, "this doesn't make sense, what's actually going on here?" and, well, he got his answer

I'm glad you picked up on techno's actions being a bit off though because you were right! he was kind of trying to be a dick, but not for the reasons the readers think. it wasn't out of any malice towards the pythia. it was actually out of his own sympathy for the pythia and wanting to understand what was going on better. he just figured the pythia wasn't going to talk unless he provoked a reaction out of him.

welcome to the anon club!! I don't believe any of those are in use so i'll go with the first one and call you badger anon :)

[amazingmaeve]

traitor || draco malfoy

summary // draco and y/n have known each other for years and started dating in their 5th year. she notices draco starting to spend time with astoria greengrass. She gets suspicious and eventually they break up. a couple weeks later draco and astoria start dating.

word count // 1.2k

warnings // (a bit) of fluff, angst

a/n // based on oliva rodrigos song traitor. ive been wanting to do this ever since i heard the song! also had a oneshot name the same but i changed it to outcast since i really wanted to do this!

Everything was fine with Draco and Y/N. First they started out as friends and even though Draco can be tough to deal with sometimes he was good company to her. She’s had one sided feelings for Draco ever since her 4th year of Hogwarts. That was one he took Pansy to the Yule ball.

Y/N was asked by another Slytherin boy and she accepted reluctantly.

Her feelings never flourished for him throughout the 5th year and almost considered telling him about her feelings. But she always chickened out due to not wanting her feelings to be hurt. Whenever he complimented her she would get those feelings in her stomach and some hope filled her heart.

But during the summer of her 5th year she was staying at the Malfoys since her parents said they would be okay with it. While on a walk through the huge backyard with Draco he confessed his feelings. Y/N was flabbergasted at first not knowing what to say and Draco took that as his answer.

Pulling him back by his arm she wrapped her hands around his cold pale cheek and leaned up to kiss. Luckily in her case Draco wasn’t pulling some sick prank on her and kissed her back wrapping her arms around her waist. Meanwhile Y/N did know about the upcoming war and knew that Lord Voldemort was rising and chose Draco for a special mission.

Y/N understood and comforted him when he had nightmares about you know who would come to kill him if he didn’t complete the mission. She had reassured him that he could do it, while running her thumb on the back of his palm. She understood that Draco had to prove something to his family so she didn’t question it.

While everything was going on in the wizarding world, things were happening to them like normal teenager things. Like going out to dates, helping each other with homework and the regular make out session. Things were perfect in their own little world for them.

That was until she came along.

“Draco, I thought that we were studying tonight,” Y/N asked, crossing her arms across her chest, raising an eyebrow looking at the boy. Draco sighed, frustrated and grabbing his books.

“Astoria needed help in a class,” Draco’s cold voice rang throughout her eyes. She took a deep breath and she looked at him with a sympathetic smile.

“I could help you guys. If you want,” Y/N offered with a soft smile trying to make him feel at ease.

“It’s fine love, you deserve a night off,” Draco kissed her forehead before leaving her room leaving Y/N to stand in her thoughts. She of course trusted Draco knowing that he would never cheat on her.

Deep down she knew she was lying to herself but she kept burying those thoughts with the notes Draco sent to her in class. He often sent them if they didn’t have a spot next to each other. It wasn’t often Y/N got jealous of other girls, heck she never even got jealous of Pansy.

But Astoria Greengrass was different. She wasn’t like Pansy Parkinson.

She was the perfect girl. With perfect grades, clothes, hair and even a family that was functional, unlike most Slytherin families. Y/N often looked at Astoria with envy, at how she could get any guy's attention and she didn’t even know it. And she was so nice unlike any other Slytherin Y/N had met.

Y/N wasn’t worried until Draco started trading her study sessions for Astorias. At first she was okay with it and didn’t think anything of it til she saw him flirting with her. She even shook that out making an excuse for Draco no matter what.

The first time she asked Draco about Astoria something weird happened.

“Draco is anything going on with you and Astoria,” Y/N asked, fiddling with her sleeves and her heart thumping erratically.

“No of course not why would you think that,” Draco snapped and flickered his eyes to hers. She sighed and nodded, her eyes going back to her book as she tried to keep tears from falling.

He often forgot about dates, which of course she was angry at and didn’t talk to him for a day after that. He always apologized and gave her some flowers and chocolate. Y/N of course forgave him.

Every. Single. Time.

One day while on the way to the dark arts class. She stopped by the library trying to find a book for a paper she needed to write on. Y/N was walking down the aisle trying to figure out where it was so Snape wouldn’t get her for detention. Then she heard Draco telling Astoria about one of his nightmares.

Y/N didn’t know what to think. She thought he had stopped having them since he had stopped telling her about them and thought he was getting better. But of course Draco was confiding in Astoria. She huffed quietly, quickly finding the book and stomping out of the library. She tried her hardest to not cry while in Snape's class and she knew he wouldn’t stand for that.

She had thought she had finally got Draco’s love until one day he decided to call it quits. Not him but the both of them. Draco said something about needing to pay attention to his mission Voldemort gave him and Y/N nodded agreeing with him. They ended on good terms and in her luck he didn’t break up with her over Astoria.

Over the next 2 weeks she decided to focus on her studies and not anything else and it was okay for the moment. Until the word that Draco and Astoria had started dating. Y/N had chalked that down to rumors since it was only 2 weeks since they broke up and he wouldn’t do something like that to her.

Well wrong. While in the Slytherin common room everyone was hanging out or studying. Then she saw Draco and Astoria making out in the corner of the room and it made her heart stop for the second. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Did Draco even care about her at all? Did he feel anything for her throughout everything?

Before anyone saw her staring at them she ran herself upstairs to her bed and she sat down on the comforting duvet. Y/N took a deep breath as a few tears spilled out of her eyes.

She put her hand on her mouth to quiet the sobs that were incoming. She held onto the banister as her shoulders slumped and tears kept falling out like a waterfall. Even if they weren’t dating they were friends, she thought he had the decency to wait at least a month to date anyone.

Y/N laid on her side with her head on her pillow and let the tears keep falling out. It wasn’t cheating she knew that. But how had they gotten together so fast after they parted? Now she saw the signs while in the relationship.

Now she laid on her side with tears staining her pillow and her mascara was painted around her eyes.

She now knew that Draco betrayed her.

And he was now a traitor.

[serowotonin]

falling ; bakugou k.

pairing ( bakugou katsuki x fem!reader ) wordcount ( 2.4k ) genre ( fluff & basically pining )

↷ a hc-styled narrative describing the four stages bakugou katsuki goes through as he finds himself falling for you . . .

STAGE I ( impression ) ;

the first time bakugou laid eyes on you was during the entrance exam at UA. 

back then, you were just another face in the crowd of faces he was going to have to beat to earn his spot in UA

the first time bakugou spoke to you wasn’t memorable to him either

like with everyone else, he was loud and rude and made it very clear he wasn’t interested in playing friends

after that you became a part of the class, just another extra, someone who’d just get in the way

that was all he thought you were… 

until you kicked todoroki’s ass one day during training

the teachers had paired everyone in the class and told you to practice your 1-on-1 combat skills using your quirk 

bakugou, who was paired with kirishima went first

you and todoroki were to be the last pair

despite a good effort put up by kirishima, bakugou still ended up winning that round

when it was finally yours and todoroki’s turn, bakugou paid extra attention

in his mind, he knew todoroki was powerful and someone to watch out for

but what happened was quite unexpected

you maneuvered easily through todoroki’s attacks with a combination of physical prowess and creative usage of your quirk

let’s just say his ice didn’t work on you and he was caught off guard, allowing you to snatch a win 

needless to say, most of your classmates were a bit surprised at first

bakugou included

they knew you were strong but they didn’t know you were that skilled

whatever the rest of the class thought didn’t matter to bakugou though

all he knew was that now he had to keep an eye on you

STAGE II ( perspective ) ;

after that event, bakugou did indeed keep his eye on you

it started off with him observing your moves whenever the class had to do any training exercises 

he saw you fight with todoroki a couple more times after that

those didn’t end in easy victory for you as it did before because todoroki was now more wary of you

however, the way you evaded and countered his attacks was something to be praised

in bakugou’s subconscious opinion at least

your moves were carefully thought out and bakugou could see that

he could see the effort and practice you had put into perfecting them

not only that, he could also see the natural talent that you had to be able to become this strong

and it wasn’t only your fighting capabilities

you were also smart

maybe he hadn’t noticed it before but he did now

you seemed to always know the answer when a teacher called on you and your grades were great

slowly, but surely, you gained respect in his eyes 

if he knew one thing about you, it was that you were maybe the tiniest bit better than the other extras 

for a while it stayed like this, him acknowledging you but never making it obvious and you just doing your thing

that was of course until one day in the morning before class started

mina, kirishima, and sero were talking about things as they usually were and somehow the conversation led to you

they were talking about how strong and smart you were and going on about stuff

bakugou must’ve turned his head in their direction or something but mina noticed him listening so asked him cheekily what he thought of you

“y/n? of course they’re strong. anyone could see that.”

he said that pretty loudly and didn’t seem to notice you walking into the classroom

and of course you heard

“did my ears deceive or did the bakugou katsuki just praise me?” you teased

he was pretty embarrassed, blushing and sweating a bit but trying to hide it

soon after though, class started and the ordeal was forgotten

but something about that interaction led to you and bakugou becoming closer

closer in that instead of passing the other off as another strong classmate as you usually would, you’d actually greet each other and talk 

you’d say hello to him in the mornings and goodbye after school and he’d just grunt or nod your way

but this was what it meant to be close to bakugou anyway

during the weeks that passed, bakugou found himself noticing you even more

before he only paid attention to your skills and thought about you as an enemy or rival of sorts

now it seems as if he’s just noticing the little things about you and your personality that make you who you were

he wasn’t doing it on purpose god forbid

no no it was just him being unknowingly observant

weeks turned into months and months turned into years

in a blink of an eye, you were all well in your second year

with everything that happened, you and bakugou became close

close enough for you to tease him at random times and close enough for him to ask you to fight him as training

by then it was safe to say bakugou knew you

he knew the little quirks you had 

he knew your different smiles, your different laughs

he knew your favorite foods and your not so favorite ones

he knew the many different little things that made you you

STAGE III ( contradiction ) ;

before the start of the third year, the class decided to have a little get-together party of sorts

to celebrate the start of their last year in high school and to catch up as everyone’s been busy with internships and whatnot

you spent the break away from tokyo so it’s been a while since you saw the rest of the class

naturally you were excited to be able to meet them all casually again before the intense studying and training that awaited you all 

bakugou, on the other hand, wasn’t too excited

frankly, he could do without seeing the class before school

but when he heard you were going to be there, he also agreed to go

so there you two were with the rest of the class at a cinema buying drinks and popcorn before your movie started

the neon lights and the prospect of popcorn lit up your face and bakugou couldn’t help but stare

there was just something, something he couldn’t quite figure out

it’s not that you were beautiful, it’s not that you looked cute in that outfit, it’s not that your smile was making his heart flutter

no it wasnt any of that true though they may be

you just.. you looked nice

thats why he was staring

yeah he hasn’t seen you in a while and you come back looking *nice* 

of course he would stare

anyone would

apparently you had noticed him staring though, so you sent a wink and a grin his way before turning back to the popcorn and drinks

in other words, you killed him

with ridiculously high levels of cute and nice

kirishima and sero were just watching the whole thing happen and hell was it obvious to them

their boi was falling hard

now they knew he’d never admit it and they knew you weren’t likely to do anything about his “crush” even if it was obvious to you too

so…

while bakugou was busy helping you carry your popcorn, they devised a rather devious plan

operation: jelly burst

objective? none other than to make explody boiy jealous

for what reason? no reason really it’s just fun to mess with him and this is probably the first time he’s had this big a crush

once everyone finished buying popcorn and was walking into the cinema, operation: jelly burst was put into action

“hey y/n ! come sit next to me” — sero

so you did, nothing strange bout that, sero was a good of yours anyway, nothing strange at all

bakugou moved to come sit next to you too but kiri hurried past him and sat down on your other side before he could

“oh hey bakubro didn’t see ya there sorry”

the seat kirishima stole was the last seat on the aisle

and bakugou was forced to go sit somewhere else

alone

poor guy</3

the seat he found was a few rows above yours though and all went according to the jelly burst plan

by the end of the movie, bakugou was in the foulest mood and no one, except for the 2 lads sitting on either side of y/n, knew why

operation: jelly burst didnt end there though

see they got him jelly but they haven’t gotten him to burst

the next week at school, kirishima and sero both acted really nice to you

it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary but they did talk to you just a tad bit more than usual

either way bakugou noticed big time and he did not like it

he did not like it one bit

the jelly was there alright

it was just boiling to unprecedented levels

pretty soon, the boys dumped the idea of operation: jelly burst 

mainly cos it was taking too long 

but also because bakugou had become at least 10x more hostile

except to you of course

for some reason, a reason absolutely no one could figure out(sarcasm intended), he was just

quiet around you

didnt yell but didnt really talk to you either

whenever anyone else, kiri and sero especially, tried to talk to him though, he’d shout louder and be a lot ruder to them 

he’s just agitated

and he knew why he was that way

he’s just in denial about it

he’s also in denial about the reason why

why couldn’t he just accept his feelings and act on it already?

kirishima asked him that one day in the dorms

he saw bakugou staring very intensely straight at you without blinking for a full minute

“look man, don’t even try to tell me you don’t like y/n. it’s obvious and i’m not an idiot. you aren’t either.”

“i know shitty hair. it’s just… i’m me. and she’s y/n. nothing’s ever gonna happen.”

“you don’t know that”

“but i do. cmon, she’s just so fucking perfect even with all her flaws. and i’m just the loud guy with exploding hands and no emotions.”

kiri was surprised honestly

this wouldn’t be the first time bakugou was insecure around him but the way bakugou talked about you and how he implied he wasn’t worthy

damn that hit kirishima 

“bakubro, i’m gonna help you”

STAGE IV ( intimacy ) ;

ever since he told kirishima abt what’s been bothering him about you and ever since kirishima declared he’d help, bakugou became more…

quiet

he was still loud, but he just became a soft kind of loud now(?)

it was like he got calmer and he was assured that things would be okay

of course things were not okay

why? because ever since bakugou fully accepted his feelings for you, he doesnt know how to act around you

the other day you asked him what he wanted to eat for dinner cause you were cooking tonight

his answer:

“you”

“umm..”

“-you can make anything you want. i’ll eat whatever.”

that and a lot of other little awkward incidents started occurring

also maybe it was just the weather but he always seemed red whenever you saw him

it wasn’t the weather though

it was him being shy and nervous and flustered

which made bakusquad extremely weirded out cause seeing him like that is like seeing aizawa cheerfully smiling and wearing bright color clothes

it was weird af and was just not right

anyway, mina’s advice to him was to try to get closer to you

“but we’re already close”

“no i mean closer on a personal level. ask her how her day was or ask her random stuff about her likes and dislikes or her hobbies or literally anything”

“oh… ok then”

and so he tried that

he tried getting closer to you by greeting you every morning and sometimes asking you if you slept well

you found it odd

it certainly was odd, but you didn’t mind

if you ask him why he asks about your sleep he just goes red and says he needs to make sure his opponent for his afternoon sparring session is well-rested and healthy

speaking of the sparring sessions…

he asks you to spar more often than usual and actually makes small talk during your breaks

he was also a lot nicer to you, offering to help carry stuff for you and assisting you in the little things

like getting a mug from the kitchen’s high shelves or picking up the pencil you accidentally dropped

what he did worked though and within a few weeks, the two of you got a lot closer

the next step, as mina put it, was “making sure she knew you weren’t interested in her as a friend”

now that was hard for bakugou to do

“it’s not that hard. you could just tell her.”

bakugou: ..??

“basically confess”

bakugou: wha- *shortcircuits*

CONFESSING

he never thought about that

he actually has

he knew in his mind he’d have to do it eventually if he wanted to have you

but he didn’t think it would be *this soon*

“dont think that much and just tell her you like her”

“you’re making it sound easy”

“because it is!”

he groaned internally

he’s faced tons of villains and been in quite the number of fearful situations but the fear he felt now was completely different 

“look if you’re afraid of rejection just confess like this”

*sero clears throat*

“*y/n i like you and i would like to be something more than friends. i’m not going to pressure you into anything so if yoh don’t want to we can just pretend this never happened>:)”

“...”

bakugou ended up confessing the next day though

just not like that

it was a spur of a moment thing and he wasn’t really aware he said it until you responded

the two of you were sparring as usual and you had just gotten close enough to knock him down and pin him to the ground

in that moment you were just so beautiful and amazing and everything and he just couldn’t keep it in apparently 

“i like you”

“w-what?”

“what?”

“did you just say you liked me?”

“like not liked dumbass”

“:o present tense o:”

well long story short, you like him too and you tell him that and you two just sit there grinning like idiots 

from then on things didn’t change much

you and bakugou still talked, although maybe more than usual

and still sparred with each other, although maybe less seriously and more playfully

some were surprised when it became known you were together

some weren’t 

whatever other people thought though, they couldn’t deny one thing:

bakugou looked at you as if you were the world

STAGE ∞︎ ( fallen ) .

note ; i started writing this soo long ago but then abandoned it cuz thats just me:”] bUT i decided that since its his birthday i might as well finish it up and finally post it u.u,,, also TYSM @animebsposts for helping me with this ily and ur amazing<3

taglist ; ( send ask to be added ! ) @lilikags​