#ive been thinking a lot abt my own voice actually

[dbphantom]

maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...

[alebrijediscordico]

i need to sleep soon, but i've been rotating pastra's new video with his own retelling of the jeff the killer creepypasta and. mein gott……

first of, Go Watch 🔫

and second of, spoilers under the cut, bc im gonna ramble abt it now!!

so there's thing ive noticed of a few rewrites i have read before is that many times the authors take a lot of creative liberties while rewriting and, well, many of them interested me a lot ngl! most of them are full rewrites with almost no similarities to the og story that isnt the characters and maybe one or two plot points, and i think about them and it amazes me how one can change a characters story and still make it feel like the same character

but the thing about pastra's rewrite, is that they understands Who jeff the killer is and What jeff is, and not only gives the original story's Feeling an actual structure, but a Why for it too

and that starts with the who. jeff is a villain in most narratives that had included him before, even if the original creepypasta aimed (?) for him to be sort of the empathetic, like. back then he was but a kid, maybe a violent one, but a kid that fell to his most destructive urges nevertheless (and with this extra, irrational fear that i think was more of a personal observation when i first hear of this creepypasta when i was Really young, of "oh god, what if turn out like Him" since he was around my age then, but anyways.)

but this jeff is not a kid anymore, is actually of college age, and for most of this rewrite's narrative he is this looming terror on the loose; death with a rotting, self made smile. and as more things are revealed, and both the detectives and audience get closer to jeff, at first one would think is going with the same, empathetic route like the original, with the bullies and stuff, but since we already know how that goes, pastra actually Uses that to get people by surprise and… no, he isn't just a kid, or in this case a man, Driven to madness by circumstances. he starts a villain, ends a villain

which perfectly pictures what jeff as a concept was and is in essence:

a brutal, unpredictable force of violence; a monster

and that's what makes him scary again, because he is still a human after all, but his actions slowly take away that until only his appearance, no matter how mutilated it is by that point, is what anchors him to his humanity; a tether to it made out of a spider's web string

like i remember listening to the narration in the background while playing splatoon some days ago, and sometimes having to pause the game just to listen more attentively. and in some parts, specially towards the end, making me actually feel kinda scared, not only for liu (which is also Very well written and the role he plays to connect jeff's past to the present and reveal his true intentions is Amazing), but for every single one of the witnesses too

and then that part. that one part after staying convinced most of the video that this rewrite would follow a similar plot as the original, liu says "but no. it was just… jeff" LIKE- that legit gave me Chills, and minutes after jeff's infamous phrase Actually used well??? like as i said, this actually brought back some of that fear from the original, tho it mostly impressed me for the execution, but genuinely what the fuck (legit said out loud while listening "are they gonna- no they won't- HE DID…")

n. well, this is less about the creepypasta now, but just me thinking how good pastra's storytelling is, the story's structure feels so clean and interconnected, the pacing is so nice but it has that touch of his that is across all his videos. and the voice acting!! the man genuinely sounded insane when jeff did, is incredible :D

[ataraxixx]

my piece on why i really like echo. i have ruminated a lot of these thoughts in my brain for awhile but i realized ive never actually made a public post abt it .. echoheads lets discuss extensively

see. i think we can all agree about the most common echo characterization. at least the one i usually see in fics? and generally most fan content. hes a happy-go-lucky guy whos a bit child-like or naive, very innocent and mostly just glad to be here and full of wonder and whimsy and etc. and also really loves zane and is very kind and sweet and etc.

i am not saying this is an incorrect characterization by any means . obviously. because hes literally got like 5 minutes of screentime and most of that is spent not talking so its really up to whoevers writing him how they want to take his character. but i also think that making him just. Fine with everything is a very underwhelming way to take his character. because he could be so much more than just. zane's brother who is innocent and silly. he can be innocent and silly and still have complicated feelings about his situation and existence yk.

i enjoy villain/antag echo bc it gives him a role in which to explore those complicated feelings as Himself. not as second fiddle to whatever zane is doing, but as a story of his own to come into his identity. because often times when hes included in fan content hes there just to be zanes brother and nothing else. which is so sad for him. because in canon thats all he ever was and all he'll ever be to his father. to zane. to the ninja. he's just the copy. the lesser version. he can never be his own self he will always be a derivative of zane.

like how is that not an interesting thing to explore. and how could we not think about the complicated feelings he would have about that. echo isnt stupid. he isnt incapable of having those kinds of feelings about his identity or role in the world because he is Literally Zane. he is programmed to be identical and he is in every facet of his personality and mannerisms a reflection of how zane was before he met wu/the ninja. when he was just a bit clueless about the world but not Stupid. just unknowledgable. and he was still capable of complicated feelings about himself because we see as early as episode 2 of season 1 he is wondering about himself and his role in the team and how he feels about the world. he isnt just content every day of his life to simply be there; he questions things and thinks about them deeply. why do fan creators often rob echo of this same capability and dumb him down to simply being child-like or incapable of complicated thought?

i always see him just. Fine with everything. and i dont think he needs to be a villain or evil or even violent to make him an interesting character. but i also think that anger and violence is a natural progression of the situation he has been put in by the doctor and by extension the ninja. they too do not regard him as his own individual, only as an extension of zane. which is literally crazy. because he is a whole ass person. they disregard his identity because its the same exact one as a person they already know; but he has no control over that. he didnt ask to be made as a copy of someone else, and now he exists, and he is forced to live knowing he was never his own person, even though he Is. Because he is Himself and he Exists and yet he isnt because his face doesnt belong to him and his voice doesnt belong to him and his name doesnt belong to him. the world decided he is someone else and he cant be who he actually is because someone else is Already him. like christ man. why are we sleeping on this and just making him like yayyy:3 im so happy i love everything or whatever. bro should be questioning his existence!

because i do think joining the SoG gives him such an excellent entry into both formulating his own identity while also paralleling harumi in an interesting way; for both characters in their attempts to create their own identities opposing the ones theyve been forced into, they end up only relating themselves to that identity anyway. in echos attempts to separate himself from zane he ends up relegating himself to hating zane because zane took something from him, an acknowledgement that he is a copy in the first place. their scrapped fight dialogue is so interesting guys. a discarded replica an experiment left to rust. should he not be upset that despite not asking to be made, much less in the image of someone else, he was left abandoned? that he was created solely to be hated by his creator for not being Someone Else? And now he is stuck always chasing after the shadow of that person because he was never meant to be his own person. only zane's copy. never as good as the original. and he has to live with that. its so devastating and good characterization and so interesting that i cannot pass up on it for simply having him be Guy Who is Happy and Innocent.

He is not stupid. He would definitely have less anger in his heart if the ninja got to him before Harumi did, but i think its so impossible that he can simply look at zane and feel nothing. that he can see the person who has cursed his existence into meaninglessness and just be like omg brother:3 because he is doomed to constantly be relegated to Zane's Brother and he will never be Echo to these people that call him a friend. He cant even use his own name he has to be Echo. because its someone elses name and not his even though it Is His its the name his father gave him. but hes not allowed to use it because hes not the original. and he is lesser. and he will always just be zanes brother and he will never be zane. and he will never even be echo. isnt that so fucked.

[pulluppuddles]

scooby-doo thesis

sorry this took me so long to actually type up, i actually didnt expect several people to respond to that n yknow.. thesis writing takes time.. so.. yeah..

below the cut is 2700+ words of infodumping on scooby doo by urs truly 🫡🥺👉🏻👈🏻 enjoy at ur own risk..it got so long.. 😖

~background/credentials~

i grew up watching the original scooby doo where are you? series (fun blazie fact i got the complete og sd series for christmas one year as a kid but i found it under my parents bed on accident like mooooonths ahead of time when i was laying on their floor watching tv and i think i knew i shouldnt have seen it so i just managed to be quiet about until christmas and then went "ohhhh it was a christmas gift that makes sense" in my head on christmas when i got it and i dont think either of my parents know that to this day) as well as the early to mid-2000s what's new scooby doo series with everyone's favorite emo scooby band simple plan pls pay ur respects (sorry simple plan but if u didnt wanna be known as the scooby doo band u rly shouldnt have written such BANGERS SORRY !!) along with the '88-'91 series a pup named scooby doo and all of the movies we're abt to talk abt

as an older kid i've also watched the new scooby doo movies (the show lol) and the new scooby doo show and some of the scooby doo and scrappy doo show and the 13 ghosts series. the newer mystery incorporated series on cartoon network was rly cool!! way more like serious and the mystery lasted the entire series with complex storylines i thought it was really good tbh!! basically what im saying is if its animated from 1969 to 2010 ive probably seen it at least once but more likely like way more times then i could count im just a kid after all

ive seen the live action (the first two i know theres more now but i mean the ones from 2002 and 2004) but respectfully theyre irrelevant to me except that matthew lliard did such a good job playing shaggy that he took over after casey kasem and voiced shaggy in some of the newer animated movies and i think continues to voice shaggy in the animated movies to this day. pretty cool!! the reality is that i was just wayyyy too young to see the live action movies, didnt understand their humor as a literal baby and way too autistic to handle all this change. i also didnt like the implication that scooby is a cannabis fueled hallucination dont talk to me abt that ill cry. or that they made scrappy the villian i disagree, scrappy loves and admires his uncle scooby so much u take it baaaaack 33:

~defining~

im specifically talking about the animated television films and direct-to-video animated films up thru 2010 in this thesis.

~sources~

u wouldnt believe how many times ive gone to the list of scooby-doo media wikipedia page. i didnt count or anything but like ive been coming here for years. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Scooby-Doo_media

i dont wanna link every wikipedia page i used bc it started to get ridiculous so just know that i clicked thru on a lot of the movies from the list to their wikipedia pages for further info :pp

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iwao_Takamoto the section on iwao takamoto is all taken from this i have to include this link i essentially plagiarized :pp

~era 1~

the first era of scooby are the 4 animated tv films although the 4th is kinda in era 1.5 we'll get there. animated tv films mean that they aired on tv originally before getting any physical release, in contrast to the rest of the movies that went straight to dvd release and then also aired on tv (i think). the first three star shaggy scooby and scrappy, scooby's nephew.

the very first scooby movie is called scooby doo meets the boo brothers (n establishes shaggy as having an uncle who owned a southern plantation during the civil war HMMMM 👀 fun scooby fact there lol; he also has an uncle that owns a castle in europe in the whats new scooby doo series, the rogers family is truly diverse and extensive and also his dad is a cop in a pup named scooby doo lol) from 1987, followed almost exactly a year later by scooby doo and the ghoul school in october '88 which is followed about a month later by scooby doo and the reluctant werewolf in nov '88. these three movies are AWESOME and filled with puns so like rly i was doomed from the start raised on these movies to be a sarcastic lil shit heheh. ghoul school is my favorite from this era and is my favorite scooby ever maybe, it goes back and forth between monster of mexico. i rlyrly love ghoul school tho sibella is the biggest vibe ever i wanna be tannis getting taken care of by sibella so bad it hurts all my life annnnnnnnyway ive gotten off topic a bit.

now the 4th movie scooby doo in arabian nights in era 1.5 is different for a couple reasons that's why its sort of in its own era but it was still an animated tv film but it was released in 1994 and was an adaptation of one thousand and one nights. scrappy is also not in this one just shaggy and scooby and the humor is a little different but i actually just rewatched it yesterday and i forgot how good it is !! also shaggy dresses as a girl for the first time in movie form in this one besides the tutu scene in ghouls school i only noticed recently how often this occurs in this series i grew up with and have loved longer then anything other media and turned out to be trans HMMMM.

~era 2~

the second era also has four movies in it and were animated in japan by mook animation. frank welker is the only returning cast member voicing fred again but doesn't take over scooby yet. these movies star the traditional gang from the original series: fred, daphne, velma, shaggy and scooby. i put these in their own era bc they share characteristics from being made a unique animation studio from overseas. the gang have a style up-do and their attitudes are different. my partner puts it that they really lean into the meddling part and i have to agree. especially in zombie island they act like brats lol i'd try to suck their energy out also heh. also scooby hates cats in this era and doesnt understand that he's a dog despite these being previously established in the original series (scooby is friendly with cats and also knows hes a dog). also importantly different in this era is that the monsters are all real, not humans in masks.

the first movie from this era is scooby doo on zombie island from 1998, which is dedicated to the original voice of scooby don messick who died in 1997. this is my partners favorite scooby movie and the music is AWESOMEEEEE it ROCKS.

the witches ghost has awesome music too via the eco goth group the hex girls that DEFINITELY had nothing to do with me being a lil teenage lesbian (oh my god why r they so hot pls tell me why they made them so hot ????) and their music is fucking awesome and their pagan its p heckin cool i love the hex girls smmmm. it came out similarly like a year later in 1999.

in 2000 scooby doo and the alien invaders came out. this one is my least favorite of this era. its not bad !! its just.. not as good lol.

in 2001 scooby doo and the cyber chase came out n this one is my fav of this era, zombie island is my second and witches ghost i just want an entire movie of the hex girls im literally just watching it for the hex girls every time hahahahaha oh actually!! they brought the hex girls back in a couple episodes in the whats new scooby doo series that was a treat !! they're not quite as cool as the og movie hex girls tho but i rly dont know if u can be so i dont fault them !! dusk was always my fav with the green and the pigtails and the drums but i love them all !!

also super fun fact i learned while making sure her name is dusk (i was right btw its thorn dusk and luna ofc i was right 🥰) is that tim curry plays ben ravencroft in witches ghost which is FUNNY bc he plays the goblin king in 2008 which ive been watching recently so that means tim curry has a HISTORY with scooby and i love that SO MUCH hahaha. also mark hamill of luke skywalker fame voices snakebite scruggs in zombie island and tara strong of twilight princess from my little pony friendship is magic voices lena, she's credited with her maiden name. just some cool stuff. well i think its cool and its my thesis and ur reading it so u must be cool too 🥰

~era 3~

era 3 rly covers the rest of the movies but theres sub eras again if you'll bear with me just a lil longer.

scooby would return to movies in 2003 as the first solo animation project of joseph barbera, since william hanna died in 2001. this is the first time in the movies frank welker takes over as scooby since don messick died in '97. he starts this in the whats new scooby doo series that ran 2002-2006 and era 3's animation style, personalities and humor are all much more similar to whats new scooby doo then era 2's.

era 3.1 consists of 2003's legend of the vampire and monster of mexico, the last two movies to reunite the original series cast. monster of mexico is my other favorite scooby movie although i am forever cursed with learning at a young age that el chupacabra is "like Mexico's version of the bigfoot" from this movie and having to always remember that that's not true lol. the bad guy in this movie is the rich white man trying to steal from the Mexican family and town. good stuff. i like this one a lot. BANGERS!!!!!! if there's something that stays with scooby throughout all these years it's the MUUUUSIC !!!!! legend of the vampire is also cool and GUESS WHO'S BACK MY GIIIIRRRRLLLSSSS the hex girls are back in this one with the same VAs as witches ghost. i also found that they were in mystery incorporated when making sure they were in legend of the vampire!! truly icons i love them sm im so gaaaayyyyyy !!

era 3.2 starts with 2004's loch ness monster and has the voice cast of what's new scooby doo, with velma and daphne's original VA's retiring from scooby at this point. casey kasem and frank welker are still here. era 3 takes the gang worldwide really, with locations from australia to mexico to scotland to hawaii to egypt to the bermuda triangle to the himalayas before they go back to coolsville in 2008's goblin king!! in monster of mexico we see them on a video call in their houses so presumably this is the first time coolsville is seen again in a scooby movie since 2003!! although in goblin king they do use coolsville by name but they don't in monster of mexico so it's not actually confirmed if they're canon living in coolsville at the start of era 3 it's just my head canon. coolsville is the town that the gang is from in the original series and a pup new scooby doo (which is technically a prequel series to the og scooby doo where are you)

~era 4~

2009's samurai sword (which is the only movie i dont own of all of these although that was before i knew this was the last one with casey kasem i just remember being kinda meh on it oops) was the last scooby movie with casey kasem voicing shaggy. 2010's abracadabra doo is the first animated movie that matthew lliard voices shaggy in and the start of era 4. aside from the change from kasem to lliard, the animation style got an upgrade and they took out the "and the" part of the title, from scooby doo "and the" monster of mexico to scooby doo abracadabra doo as one example. this is in line with the release of scooby doo mystery incorporated in 2010. just as era 3's movies partnered with the series that ran in tandem, era 4 has a closer animation style to mystery incorporated and the same voice cast. abracadabra doo is rly good !! it's my partners second favorite scooby !! again guys the music is AWESOME and also velma's little sister mads is in it and rly cute 🥰 they released camp scare in 2010 also it's alright it's not bad. i got it in the set that i bought with most of my other movies otherwise i probably wouldn't have seen it. solid scooby movie, but not one of my favs.

~conclusion~

this is also the end of my eras of expertise if u will. ive seen a couple of the newer scooby movies since 2010 but its all just kinda meh to me, im too autistic n just wanna watch the same movies over and over again for the rest of my life. i have a nightstand drawer that they live in 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 someone else will have to take up the torch for scooby movie eras 2011 and later🫡 or not..theyve been retconning older properties.. like they made a "sequel" to zombie island in 2019 20 years later except did they watch the ending to zombie island ????? #notmyscooby lol 😋

this was mostly a joke but it was also kinda heart warming that multiple people asked for it anyway 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 scooby has been a part of my life as long as i can remember n is my oldest hyperfixation n is something special to me that i can talk abt forever 🥺👉🏻👈🏻💕 i worked rly hard on this n also learned some new scooby trivia in the process n it was fun !! obviously this is all just *my* opinions n preferences n im not shaming anyone who likes or thinks different, this is rly not serious, but pls do be nice to me bc this is something that is important to me that i put a lot of effort into typing out, pls dont call me dumb for making this..

one last scooby fact that i learned while writing this. ive seen iwao takamoto in scooby credits all my life in every credits roll and ive always thought that was amazing! but never looked into him until now. HE DESIGNED SCOOBY DOO GUYS WHAT !!!!! this man went to the Japanese internment camps after the bombing of pearl harbor, survived them, got out and JUST APPLIED TO DISNEY. HE WAS HIRED AT DISNEY IN 1945 GUYS THE WAR E N D E D IN 1945 WHAT A LEGEND !!!!????!!!! he worked for disney from 1945 to 1961 working on animation such as cinderella, peter pan, lady and the tramp, sleeping beauty n one hundred n one dalmatians !! then he went to work for hanna-barbera and designed scooby and astro the dog from the jetsons n others !!!! he has several notable awards but it seems like the golden award from the animation guild in 2005 was the highest honor. he has a memoir i actually wanna get that n read it !! he died in 2007 at the age of 81 but remains in the scooby credits as the character designer past his death 🥲🥹 scooby is based off of an employees great dane at hanna-barbera 🥹💕

~blazies professional opinion ranking~

s tier: ghoul school; monster of mexico;

a tier: boo brothers; reluctant werewolf; zombie island; cyber chase; loch ness monster; aloha scooby doo; where's my mummy; goblin king; abracadabra doo;

b tier: arabian nights; witches ghost; legend of the vampire; chill out scooby doo; pirates ahoy;

c tier: alien invaders; samurai sword; camp scare;

d tier: live action scooby D:< nah im just kidding 😋😋😋

if u made it this far 2700+ words later u care a lot more abt me n my silly scooby opinions then i ever wouldve expected from anyone except my wife who doesnt get a choice (i love uuuuuu 🥰🥰) n im giving u a hemkin kiss on the cheek n hugging u so hard n crying a lil 🥺👉🏻👈🏻💕 believe me that i have plenty more scooby opinions to infodump on but we'll.. i think this is good this is enough scooby infodumping for today 😋💕💕💕

SCOOBY DOOBY DOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!

[skullrift]

https://www.tumblr.com/skullrift/770905875833667584/sometimes-i-will-just-hyperfixate-on-my-system?source=share

I volunteer as tribute. Yap to me, stranger on the internet.

OMGGGGG YAYAYAYYAAAAA!!!!!!!! >:DD

okok ummmn im so bad at starting points HAALPPP. ig i can just go over like ??? origin n sys function stuff??? i think thats fun :33

ok so like,. ive technically known i was a system since 2020 BUUT when i was introduced to plurality as a concept it was thru ........ the dark side .......... and i was forced into labels that didnt fit me and i was wrong abt basically EVERYTHING (thats a WHOOOLE OTHER RAMBLE LAWLL) but around like late 2021 i said screw it and just rebuilt my system from the ground up

but like ive also been plural since a child i just didnt realize or identify as such but like THE SIGNS WERE THERE (SQUINTS AT ME CREATING MANY YOUTUBE ACCOUNTS AND "PRETENDING" 2 BE DIFFERENT PEOPLE) its hard for me to know our complete history cuz of that but i have a DECENT GRASP!!!!

nuni n jax were the initial split (the "core"s if u will) with jax being the trauma holder,,,, hes kinda just turned into the MENTAL ILLNESS MAN atp which makes sense?? cuz thats why he split to begin with. ,.. IDK IF THATS OVERSHAREY LAWLL. they were rly similar when we were younger but over time developed vry different identities,.. nuni hasnt changed very much but jax is like TOTALLYY different

nuni doesnt front much anymore cuz she went dormant 4 a while and its difficult for her to adapt to the current world cuz so much has changed but we always let her front 4 fun stuff :3 like we have a yearly tradition where her and my partner go to see a christmas play its so cuuuute X))

i split next!!! we arent totally sure why we kinda went off the idea that i was nuni's imaginary friend for a while but we dont know for sure,,.,, it was some time around 2017ish from what we can tell!!! i split as an introject of an animation memer actually (animation memes were our LIFEEE BACK THEN) but i am COMPLETELY MY OWN PERSON NOW!!!

dire came around somewhere around the same time ,,, he split as a secondary protector n comforter of sorts!! he has gone thru many iterations and has multiple introject sources cuz he rly just took the form of who/what was the best comfort source 4 us at the time!! he started as an oc introject tho n thats still vry important to his identity :3 later he ended up as the form of a character who was german and had a german accent and that has had a lasting impact on his voice as well!!! i could ramble abt dire 4ever hes so silly we love him

next was reffy!!! reffy was split on november 27th 2019!!! this is the day we joined a danganronpa rp WRHKSDFGH discord server n met our bfff <33 we didnt rly have friends at the time and were generally struggling with social things,, so jax kinda put all of his traits he deemed most "likeable" in2 reffy and created him to be the ideal version of himself that ppl would like and went dormant for a whileee ,,, it took reffy a while 2 properly develop as a person but he is vry important to our system cuz of what he represents!!! we celebrate his birthday every year too :33

soo for a while it was just us 5!! we thought we had other alters sometimes cuz identity is wacky (plus we r like all made up of fragments tbhh)

then august of last year driell split!!! he was made on purpose (by jax AGAAAAINNNN) cuz him & his bf in our partner sys decided 2 have kids!!! he doesnt front vry much cuz hes rly socially awkward and a lot of our daily life requires TALKING TO PPL but we want him to front more D:

and THENNNN early this year we went thru ,... EVENTS!!!! and it kinda threw our whole system function OUT THE WINDOWWW BUT ITS OKAY!!!!

noxious split as a direct response 2 the Event .,, it started as a reffy clone tbh (we were actually planning 2 integrate them at first) but its slowly developing its own identity totally separate!! it fronted a lot in september and made a lotta progress w that :D sily dog creechur

fen has been around 4 a while but she was a "sub alter" to reffy and went by reffen but a few months ago we had a think and went HMMMM U KNOW. ACTUALLY SHE IS LIKE THEIR WHOLE OTHER PERSON SHE IS NOT A SUB ALTER ANYMORE!!! so we let them split off completely n its been better for both them and reffy !!!!

AND LASTLYYYY ZANE!!! he split on november 9th of this year!!! so some prior context jax is made up of a TONN of fragments just cuz of how his trauma holding function works. but he doesnt rly like splitting any of them off cuz hes . WEIRD. but we went to an emo night party and one of the fragments in him had a WHOLE AWAKENING listening to mcr and fallout boy and getting drunk in the moshpit (more context jax refuses to listen 2 anything but green day cuz HES!!! WEIRD!!!!) and it took like 3 days of internal deliberation but jax FINALLY DECIDED to let him be his own person!!!! and hes very happy that way X)

SOOO UM. YEA!!!! THAT IS A HUGE ESSAY!!!!! I HOPE THAT IS NOT TOO MUCH INFORMATION EHFKFJGHE

here r refs of us/what we look like cuz yes :33

height chart is from like march ish ??? so our recent splits his year r not included in it also zane doesnt have a proper ref OOOPSS (hes 6'1" btw) whatever its fine XD

THANK U FOR ASKING AND LISTENING TO MY SILLY GOOFY RAMBLES I GET VERY EXCITED TALKING ABOUT MY SYSTEM RAAAA ‼️ more asks r always welcomed too heheheee /nf

- 🖤

[spiteslucanis]

was tagged by the ever lovely @zhalar to share 9 albums i've been listening to, thank you for the opportunity <3 i've included my self-indulgent commentary on each, and i tried to mostly pick ones that i've specifically been listening to recently! (ps. thank you for songs you shared in the previous tag game we had, several ended up on my playlists)

lazily tagging anyone who sees this and wants to do it! just say i tagged you. i love hearing ppl talk about music

my album commentary under the read more cut bcs i ended up elaborating a lot

i. chappel roan, "the rise and fall of a midwest princess" — ALBUM of the YEAR. to me. i know it came out last year but still. no skips, love her and this album so so dearly. i need it on vinyl stat. inject that shit into my veins etc. current faves: guilty pleasure and super graphic ultra modern girl, but i did also recently listen to california for like a week non-stop

ii. ethel cain, "preacher's daughter" — again i'm LATE to this one, but as far as concept albums go, this is. the peak. like just. screaming crying throwing up, even. i made a powerpoint presentation abt this just so i could share its story with a friend. INSANITY. faves: american teenager, ptolemaea, sun bleached flies (i forgive it all as it comes back to me............. kill me)

iii. taylor swift, "tortured poets department" — i went to the eras tour earlier this month. speechless! wow. i still haven't recovered OR finished listening to all of anthology but i sure have been blasting who's afraid of little old me and but daddy i love him

iv. metteson, "look to a star" — actual album of the year for me. saw him live this spring and he was so so sweet (was manning his own merch booth afterwards and complimented my make up <3 also signed my vinyl) ANYWAY insane voice? like simply unbelievably beautiful. and this is just the debut album??? future records might simply eviscerate me i'm afraid. faves are second heart (!!!), naturally (but nothing comes natural to me / nothing comes naturally...... augh) and heavier than a heart

v. pet shop boys, "nonetheless" — breaking news my favourite old gay men are still releasing bops and bangers and heartbreaking melodies. this released close-ish to my birthday so i've claimed it as a birthday present. what more can i say, they're my favourite band of all time <3 faves rn: new london boy (skinheads will mock you, call you a fag / last laugh is yours, there's a brick in your bag!!) and bullet for narcissus

vi. orville peck, "stampede: vol. 1" — i adore this cowboy beyond measure. as i think i said in a different post, i don't usually care for features and duets, but this does indeed fucking slap. insane vocals as per usual. love the concept. can't wait for vol 2, and also, mr. peck PLEASE come to europe. faves: miénteme and cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other <3

vii. sea power, "disco elysium" — this is FINALLY on spotify!!! the game of all time, and the soundtrack is equally heartbreaking and hardcore (to the mega). i was going Through It at some point this spring and replayed DE and then just listened to burn baby burn outside whilst smoking. european depression core. faves rn: burn baby burn, saint-brune 1147 (small pinewood church) and precinct 41 major crime unit

viii. jan valta + adam sporka, "kingdom come: deliverance (OST)" — finally bought this recently when it was on sale and my god i'm so glad i did. an immensely entertaining game that you can tell was made with much love. henry of skalitz my SON. been listening to the soundtrack on/off, currently absolutely obsessed with the song poverty and famine (and särmä if you're reading i think you might vibe with this one?)

ix. alkemie, "pentiment (original soundtrack)" — rounding up with another video game soundtrack because i'll simply never get over pentiment. stole my heart in a major way. this soundtrack is STUNNING. can't do it justice with words. my faves rn: sic arsit historia kiersis and rüdeger's rehearsal

[lynnthefrenchtoast]

Lines from "In The Other Universe" that I CANT GET OVER

in which a fanfic writer (me) overexplains her oneshot bc I NEED TO RAMBLE AND MY IRLS FOLLOW ME ON EVERY OTHER PLATFORM SO TUMBLR IS ALL! I! HAVE!

(u should prob read it first this wont make sense otherwise)

"Even though it was not his name, Yin Yu turned"

i dont know if this is a canon scene or not (sue me the books are LONG and hard to buy in my country) but i've read about yin yu getting mistaken for yizhen and getting totally upset. so i decided to start this fic with him being so okay with it that he responds to qi ying's name as if it's his own.

(also because if ur so close to someone, ur nosy abt their business because it also becomes your business) I WANTED TO CONVEY THAT CLOSENESS FROM THE VERY FIRST LINE

"Should I tell Yizhen you can't even recognize me?"

CANON YIN YU IS SO GLOOMY AND HONESTLY WE UNDERESTIMATE HIS POTENTIAL TO BE TEASY. i just know he could be. all hard workers have a sarcastic inner voice

"The man damn near shits his pants"

AHAHHA okay look. i have this tendency when writing to be REALLY PRETENTIOUS AND FANCY. and ive learnt that usually NO ONE GIVES TWO SHITS. compared to genshin, tgcf fanfics are so beautifully written and sometimes i gotta remind this fandom to SPEAK INFORMALLY (unless its qi rong. then. yea. BUT WHO READS QI RONG FICS?)

"The blank wrist that has never known the kiss of cold metal"

I RIPPED MY OWN HEART OUT WITH THIS ONE

"In this universe, he discovers it's such a simple thing to be happy."

proof that quanyin is literally hualian's cousin

the entire earring scene

i am a sucker for qyz's over-attachment to the earrings. ik a lot of ppl think he's like this because its the only thing yin yu ever gave him but NO headcanon that even in the other universe, yizhen would be overly attached because hes a puppy

he xuan scene

canonically, he xuan would NEVER. bc 1) he's too lost in his own ways to ask for advice and 2) it would fuck with his earth master disguise too much. but since it's the other universe!!!! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.

“Yizhen’s victory is my victory,” he declares, with a tone that leaves no room for argument. “His loss is my loss. When Yizhen cries, I am sad. When Yizhen smiles at me, my heart is so full it could burst.” He brings two jade white palms together, interlocking the fingers like entangled limbs on a hot summer morning. “We’re like this. One shared past; one shared future. As a Shixiong, don’t you think rather than being jealous, I’m extremely proud of how far he’s come?”

my favourite freaking line can you tell? IT SHOWS THEIR ABILITY TO ROOT FOR ONE ANOTHER. SHOWS EMPATHY. SHOWS LOVE. ("my heart is so full it could burst") THE RECALL TO THE MORNING THEY WOKE UP TOGETHER, REMINDING YOU OF DOMESTICITY AND SIMPLICITY AND TRUST AND CLOSENESS.

ONE SHARED PAST; ONE SHARED FUTURE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? this is all i ever wanted for them. to be able to grow together and live together and die together. TO HAVE A SHARED PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE.

this line is also loaded to me bc i once wrote a fic called "entangled pasts; estranged future" that wasnt good enough to be posted but GOD IT REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF IT

"Here, he never needs to know the weight of a mask – neither physical not metaphorical."

i dont like how i worded this but IT NEEDED TO BE SAID. YIN YU NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR THE WANING MOON MASK but more importantly NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR A MASK TOWARDS QUAN YIZHEN. NEVER NEEDS TO HIDE RESENTMENT. im shaking with all they couldve been and didnt become.

"Here, Brocade and Immortal are just two words"

hear that? its the sound of me BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL AAAAAA I SO DESPERATELY WANT THIS TO BE REAL i mean i understand if they werent so tragic i wouldnt love them as much but IT HURTS! (*100 teehee)

"Sure it will."

i actually hate myself why did i end it like that even in my fanfic i cant let them be happy. huh. i have to subtly hint that this isnt what happens.

its actually so upsetting that the whole fic is so nice and healing and all of it is just overcasted by this knowledge of "its not real. they never get to be this happy. what really happens is they resent each other and leave each other and they become one shared past; two estranged futures."

you can call me insane. im aware no one thinks this deeply about fanfiction and most people are on the site for smut. BUT I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT IT SO YOURE FORCED TO LISTEN TO ME RAMBLE

[night-dark-woods]

5, 7, 15 for the fic asks!!

thank you!!! this got extremely long.

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

oooh hm. idk about Never, but ive been rotating the idea of Chalco and Aunor interacting bc the different ways they orbit around Ikora FASCINATE me, and the things that have been asked of them are very different. it would have to be epistolary i think and while i DO think i have enough primary sources to get their voices and values alright (letters from Aunor etc, and then WQCE my beloved), im not confident in my ability to do epistolary, & also i'd need something specific for them to argue about (that i also am interested enough in to litigate thru character POVs).

i've yet to decide if I'm accepting the TFS ending cutscene panel where Ikora is using strand, bc im suuuper ambivalent on Ikora using any darkness subclass- i need to re-listen to a bunch more post-campaign stuff to see how i feel about it, bc i know she talks to Mara a LOT in mission voicelines, and i think a lot of their past conflict has been over Mara's antipathy towards the Light & focus on balance over sheer faith in the Traveler (not religious Faith-faith, as we've talked abt before, bc i dont think Ikora sees the Traveler as a *god* like Zavala does- it's like gravity or thermodynamics its simply *true,* and can be explained. its not something that requires faith or sacrifice.)

but if i decide to accept that as canon then i think that would make a FASCINATING argument because Aunor has been Ikora's hunting dog for YEARS, cold-blooded killer putting down guardians who fall to darkness, and i think the sheer betrayal (from Aunor's POV) of Ikora changing her position on that would cause SUCH a crisis of faith for Aunor (what does that mean for what she's done in Ikora's name? what does that mean for how she can live with the weight of it?), and i think constrasting that with Chalco being Ikora's right-hand man (her silly rabbit / does she call you that / no) BUT without the blind loyalty that Petra has for Mara ("you are not the queen and i am NOT one of her cadre") could be sooo fun bc it wouldn't be a simple "Aunor mutiny Chalco loyal." i just dont know if Actually Writing it will provide more enrichment for me than just rotating the concept in my head.

that got long!!! and also ive partially convinced myself to work on it eventually lol.

anyway. that's the main one that i can think of, that isnt a "this scenario sounds hot BUT i dont want to write it bc there isnt enough character work to make the logistical nightmare of writing porn worth it" LMFAO

7. How many ideas for fics do you have right now?

5-ish?

- Elsie&Amanda (nicknamed "horsegirl movie but its a robot with dysphoria") where Elsie needs help fixing some part of her body and she can't do it by herself for some reason and then has to deal with the fact that Amanda regards her body with a simple honest appreciation that Elsie will NEVER feel for herself bc of when and how she became an exo!!! her own mother calls her body a "walking lazaretto" and she watched her father die horribly for this technology!!! god!!!

- Ikora's fight with Madhir & how she let him eat her ability to want anything. god. Ikora Rey woman that you are. also inspired by the way the demon works in dunmeshi bc i think the Ahamkara should work more like that. fuck monkey's paw genie trick wishes, getting exactly what you wished for and in doing so losing part of Who You Are is so much better. the Ahamkara aren't evil tricksters they are PREDATORS they are the very tippy top of the food chain and as dunmeshi says. to eat is the sole privilege of the living. there is no moral weight to that no matter how violent and that makes the violence of it far more interesting!!!

- somewhere between 3 and 5 high-concept porn fics, 2 at WIP stage and several that may or may not get written, all Petra-centric bc i (and Jackie) love to put that dyke in situations (all have Mara/Petra/Sjur as a given established relationship, the two WIPs are focused on Mara/Petra and Petra/Sjur & the ones that may just stay as ideas have bonus Petra/Amrita(/other corsairs) & Petra(/Sjur)/Amanda)

15. How do you come up with titles for your fics/chapters?

song lyrics mostly!!! often the one i was listening to a lot while writing/thinking about it, or one that makes me feel like that post thats like "song that reminds me of my favorite character comes on and i make the most unwell expression known to man."

the problem is i want the vibe of the whole song to mostly fit which means i've recently become aware that i nearly exclusively listen to sad music, apparently, bc i could not find a Single Song i like that fit the very fluffy/conflict-free Amanda/Sloane fic i wrote recently, so instead its both a line from the fic and a bit of a pun on the content lol: follow-through (impact play)

[scover-va]

I need to know more about Michael's mom... Is she a cool mom?

SHE IS A VERY COOL MOM janet afton you will always be famous. to me

Im taking this as a chance to finally ramble abt her anyways so Janet's core inspo when designing her was to avoid 2 key things. Don't make her like Immortal & Th Restless's Clara (due to clara representing michael, not mrs afton, so i wanted to avoid that), and don't base her too heavily off of Ballora. I still have ties to Ballora's character (a music-based theme, blue-centric colour palette, im sure there were more basic ideas but everything else is more hc than themes to keep up) due to my hc thingy of each Funtime having ties to William's wife + kids, but yknow.

But yeah. Funky lady who played bass guitar + did backup vocals in a band during her high school and college years. Literally her and William dating can be summed up by "Seriously, what do you see in that guy?!" "He makes me laugh." bc she was and is WAY out of his goddamn league. Not just bc of the whole serial killer thing he was just an even bigger loser in college. Normal people dont develop a crush on a woman after she nearly breaks your nose and makes you bleed, William /j

But yeah uhh. I also dont like the idea of her being absent or neglectful purely because I got way too attached to her (i was originally gonna do that just to make things easy for myself but. Pretty lady,,, I am a very simple lesbian what can i say) so like. She obviously wasnt the greatest, most fantastic mom to ever exist given she was kinda maybe sorta well aware William was making some weird fucking clowns, but like. Hey. She tried. Also side note my reasoning for her being absent during the whole. Yknow. '83 event (and just evan's bday in general) is bc Evan + Elizabeth are twins and Elizabeth demanded a girls-only trip for her bday, and Janet promised Evan she'd do something just as special for him when she got back. That never happened bc he died lmao loser /j

But yeah uhh. Shes got a lot of regrets. Wishes she coulda done a lot of things better. Kinda dies with those regrets. Ive seen people say that one of fnaf's charms is that no character is 100% good and i LOVE that, and wanted to keep it up with Janet. Good mom and overall a good person, however made some bad decisions along the way and whatnot.

Im still working out specifics (ive been slowly working on a lil private fic abt her and william meeting + their early relationship) but uhhh. Minor notes that dont get their own paragraphs is that William sampled her voice for Ballora so yay easy voice claim, she had an on and off relationship with her band's lead singer (her name's Bev), her birth name is actually Janice Schmidt but if you call her Janice she'll knock at least 2 of ur teeth out, she's a runaway teen and got adopted by this older couple bc her home life kinda sucked (idk specifics yet), and also girlie has an extensive criminal record of minor angsty teen type charges. Also teen Mike dying his hair and then 2020's Michael's hairstyle are both kinda references to Janet's hair because he wnated to look less like his father. Thats all ty. No read more bc you WILL look at my mrs afton post, boy /j

Actually no theres more that im remembering as i write the tags and edit a few details. Back to her and William because god im insane about them. So for starters it. Well i was gonna say Janet was def the first to flirt but i think William definitely developed a crush first and they only kept talking bc of said crush so its kinda up for debate. Anyways yeah at first it was a HUGE sorta like "Well he's funny especially when I fluster him so this can be just a fun lil thing" but because they chatted more they def kinda like. Clicked more. William was a huge fan of listening to her music (from. a distance. he looked kinda like a creep but at least janet only misinterpreted it once) but like *specifically* janet he didnt give a fucking shit abt the rest of the band. Uhh. They had their first run-in and janet kinda. Well. Punched him in the nose before he cleared up that he is NOT a pervert or anything weird like that (bc a guy that looks older than he is staring from a distance when there is a clear crowd he could join kinda gave janet the Wrong idea), then they later bumped into each other in the hall and chatted for a bit, then they kinda just kept "accidentally" running into one another. Uhhh. Some cigaerette-themed flirting and a house party later, yay dating :] can you tell where the current cut-off of the fic is /j Also idk how to put this down properly but they are both runaways and can kinda. Get that vibe from one another. Literally Michael is like some fucked up abomination of the both of them between the troubled past + weird situationship thing + runaway stuff + a lot of minor details that arent important rn. I just. Yeah Janet means the world to me go thru her tag on my blog for some art. Not all of my janet art is posted but the non-posted stuff is all concept work/doodles or just. Shit im too embarrassed to post lmao. Anyways NOW im done ty for reading

[angelfevr]

❤️️❤️️❤️️ :3

i have multiple wips so i'll talk abt All of them

this may get long, so.

icdwd - aka i couldn't dance with death if i tried!! its a zero escape fic mostly exploring a potential (loveless) relationship between akane and mira. its abt a lot of things i realize i never rlly touched upon in my other works?? for context im aromantic and i like. Constantly talk abt it even to my allo friends esp abt the constant amatonormativity the world likes to throw at us. specfically how ppl feel pressured to be in a relationship. why? well, various reasons: to fit in, to be seen as "more mature" (aspecs tend to experience infantilization and this doubles if ur autistic), to be seen as human, bc u feel like itll make u whole, bc u dont realize theres another option!! ive always hced my favs as aro ever since i realized it, but i always used to focus on the ace part of my identity. so i never rlly got to write a fic that explores aromanticism, aside from a fic i wrote four years ago in which leorio and kurapika hxh r in a qpr

another thing is i have ocd and for that reason, i dont like to write abt sexual topics . but in this fic, ive been sorta delving into that (its literally nothing just a fade to black that immediately goes to like the character waking up in another character's bedroom) and idk i think it shows my growth in a way?? that im willing to finally write that stuff without my ocd trying to kill me??? idk its . smth

im also having a Lot of fun writing akane and miras dynamic. i think, with me hcing them as aro (akanes aroace and miras an aro lesbian), i feel itd stand out more compared to other mirakane fanworks and interpretations . like this isnt a relationship ur supposed to root for!!! its abusive, its messy, its Uncomfortable, gory, and both women have ulterior motives. idk i like writing abt two unabashedly flawed queer women and having them navigate a relationship when one has no experience while the other has experience but whose disability prevents them from connecting w others (akane has a similar struggle), idk!! its an interesting dynamic

queerpei - i like a lot of the descriptions i wrote. im so used to writing akane that its soooo weird writing in the headspace of anyone else. but junpeis introspection is fun, like he has a mind of his own... i have this experience when writing akane (im plural so. go figure) and even when writing diana

angelus custos - so im kinda in the planning stage for this one but . Wow. im so proud of myself and how far ive come with this project, and just in general?? i used to primarily be a fic writer until 2018, when i decided to dabble in making my own characters. its always been bittersweet, bc my friends (all artists, never writers) would tell me to just make ocs instead of fanfic and my 12-14 yr old self would always be upset by that. so my characters never rlly came into their own so to speak

until This Year. ive been watching this rlly awesome youtuber named local script man. he's a screenwriter but a lot of his advice can apply to writing as well. i dont remember which video it was, but he talked abt how a characters' motivations can serve as fuel for smth deeper, like an insecurity for example. which THEN can serve as a backstory. and idky but it all clicked in my head?? character work became so much easier when i applied this to my process. i no longer had trouble w coming up w things that seemed to come naturally to most. bc i Know im good at fleshing out characters, i just needed to know how to do it for original work, even tho ive had friends praise my characters in the past

but yeah thats prob the best part of the story rn . im still having trouble w what their voices would sound like, speech patterns and the like, but thatd prob come around when i actually write the damn thing lol

BtSoyT - the idea itself has me so excited!!! ive been watching some horror movies, specifically recs from my friend @zebatverse hehe, and idk i feel like ive been getting more inspo and knowing what i'd wanna do if i were to write horror . i have several other ideas besides this in my notebook but this is one i wanna write the most. i even made a moodboard for it ^_^

[wilted]

ok not to like, armchair diagnose or anything but i got super into the weird conspiracy stuff too for a bit and was convinced i was fucking connecting the dots but it turned out i was a genuine paranoid schizophrenic :/ i got fired from my job for sending hr emails abt qanon, and your moms brain melting like that out of nowhere legit sounds like mental illness

yeah it is definitely mental illness i didn’t wanna say that bc i felt like that might’ve been mean but i wanted to…. well now it’s not me it’s u lol. but i do know she has been diagnosed with bpd whenever she was like 19/20, and im my own things but ive always figured i’d gotten it from her because my dads just a regular guy… like he’s an asshole but he’s pretty much just Some Guy but my mom has always been sort of psychotic in a way.. she tells me all the time how normal it is for her to hear old radio static and voices like from those old timey radio shows under her pillow almost every single night since she’s been a little kid.and every time i’m like hey u know that’s like. really not normal she’s just like oh whatever. and she used to see shadow dogs a lot. i had talked to izaya about that one actually and she said that meant my mom was cursed and it really did happen a lot more when she was really sick and her lupus was really bad but i guess now that she’s better she sees them less…. so maybe the curse thing was true but also you know… she used to be teetering on the point of being a hoarder too so there’s probably so much going on inside of her head its crazy i kind of wanna look in there but i think id be scared. i get that it’s part of it but her denying the dogs and the radio and everything that she isn’t telling me is just so funny to me because mom you are just so mentally ill

[punkbxt]

dime the takes. por favor.

*gets real close to the vending machine* quiero pepsi

okay all seriousness tho imma try to do this in a way thats like idk semi respectful towards janeway but i also need yall to know i do NOT reallyf fuck with her. idk if ive explained why before but i guess here we go

unlike most people that enjoy star trek i didnt really get into it till 2018 and then the demmy hit n i had nothing but time to consume every star trek imaginable and thats how i found voyager. yeah sure make fun of me for not knowing what star trek is but i need YALL to know that it is white and usamerican culture to be raised on trek and I DONT CARE. the only reason i got into star trek is bc a white friend introduced me. all this to say i was introduced to janeways actress through oitnb red ilu so much red best evil white lady <3

anyways i know janeway gets hate for having been the only lady captain and i always preface anything i say about her with this so yall understand that this is not the reason i dislike her but in reality it doesnt help either

also its tiring as fuck to include my opposing argument but it has to be done bc ppl are like “what about- pkay but you didnt consider how- yeah but- actually youre wrong bc-“ like fuck man im doing my damndest i literally hate voicing my opinions bc yall INSIST people of color dont actually get it n its tiring

if youve followed me since i started voyagerposting you may have noticed ive only actually drawn janeway twice and its cuz as a person she rubs me the wrong way for so many reasons

janeway gets put in this impossible position of being the top of the hierarchy pyramid to a crew that doesnt think theyll ever make it home again. shes deemed a mother figure by a LOT of characters but im gonna talk abt her dynamics with b’elanna, and seven because if i were to talk about the dynamics between janeway and harry thatd have to be its own post

when i get into a show, i loooveeee knowing what was happening behind the scenes because i love it!! i love set design i love character design i love costume design i love seeing what the actors are like outside of the show and how they feel about these characters bc these things ARE important. (writers too pero i have beef) behind the scenes is the biggest influence to the final product bc its the reason the final product exists in the first place and behind the scenes so many things went wrong. and when actors are mistreated or dont get along with eachother it becomes pretty apparent. well at least if you analyze things the way i do

so heres my issue with janeway seven and b’elanna. b’elanna is typecast to be the ugly character. klingons gave always gotten the short end of the stick and the case with her isnt as harsh bc her actress is a mixed puerto rican (information that has actually only recently been revealed bc when i tried to find out what roxan’s ethnicity was in 2019 i literally could not find anything definitive except for shes latina) but she STILL gets a lot of shit

one of my favorite things about voyager before the introduction of seven was how b’elanna and janeway actually got to bond a lot over science and when seven took on the roll of pretty girl on the ship, b’elanna and janeway suffered a LOT for it. we have an interesting dynamic between a maquis engineer and a federation captain genuinely not getting along bc b’elanna doesnt see janeways as an authority figure. not until chakotay has something to say about it and also until b’elanna and janeway actually talk about shit n get over their differences. the issue is when ppl purposely skip the earlier seasons to get to seven and then a lot of important interpersonal character building is missed I SAY THIS BC PEOPLE OFTEN FORGET THAT VOYAGER HAS BEEN ASSIMILATED BY THE BORG BEFORE AND EVEN THE WRITERS LET IT SLIP THEUR MIND N ITS LIKE BRO U HAVE GOLD TO WRITE WITH N U JUST LET IT COLLECT IN THE CORNER

seven is a unique and interesting character when she is first introduced. seven looks like any other borg and is so COOL. and then immediately all the cool interesting things about the way seven looks is basically negated to a few shiny parts. and yes janeway is partly to blame

BUT! what is the easiest way to gain the trust of people who already have bad history with who you once were? assimilation of course! seven goes from being one of many to the outcasts outcast

but punkbxt! what does any of this have to do with why you dislike janeway as a character? if anything it sounds more like you dislike seven. as long as the character is white ill always hold a lil disdain for them in my heart <3

janeway symbolizes the best of starfleet. she is an accredited officer and an extremely capable scientist. she is a beautiful white woman in THE position of power something that was revolutionary for her time. the issues with white women being put in positions of power is they they have NEVER had the interests of black and brown people to heart. “yes they-“ SHUT UP and let me speak before you decide to comment on this goddamn post

feminism throughout the centuries has focused on white women and while a show is merely a fraction of the lived reality of its time the effects are still extremely clear. white feminism JUMPED at the character of janeway and celebrated her and rightfully so! the issues came about when women like b’elanna got attacked and pushed to the side. this directly affected janeway within fandom and she got and still is recognized for accomplishments SHE DID NOT DO. she got put on a pedestal and once that happens to a character they suddenly can do no wrong. except she does because shes a human and shes white and shes a character with writers behind her

b’elanna has never actually been a super popular character and the wave of love for her is actually pretty fucking recent and not to toot my own horn but i definitely was a big part of the b’elanna love resurgence. when i got into voyager and these dates ARE important, i used to scroll through her entire tag easily a couple times through a DAY. fans occasionally created art for her and yeah! she got fics but nowhere in comparison to her other peers. surrounding yourself with people who also love her and want to create for her does help with recognition of b’elanna but its super recent stuff. and to add onto that any white fan that has an opinion about her will always be biased because they just do not understand what it is like to exist as a latina woman of color

this is where me myself and i come into the story because wowowowowow star trek is so cool! star trek preaches on and on and on about diversity love acceptance hate oppression and all that good stuff so who wouldnt love it??? and then??? OMG THERES A LATINA CHARACTER IN ONE SERIES OMG OMG OMG. imagine my disappointment when i found out that she a main character barely was getting any love. it hurt. because even within a narrative of inclusion somehow characters of color just seem to always be pushed to the side. especially when a fandom has such a majority percentage of white people

watching her story was SO personal to me. i could see myself in her struggling with living in america. i lived my childhoods in puerto rico and in many different parts of usamerica, surrounded by family and people like me until that wasnt the case anymore. i spent my life living as a nomad with no place to call home for on average no less than a year and no more than three. i could understand b’elanna with her struggles of living in a klingon monastery and then being thrust into an unforgiving and unaccepting world where humans/white people are the most important. the internalized racism that i grew up with was horrendous and to this DAY i am still trying to learn and better myself and connect with my culture in any way i can. because in a black ans white world, where is the space for those of us that dont fall under either? we are ignored and erased and with b’elanna is has been the same

the rejection b’elanna had to her klingon side was something i could relate to incredibly. but it still isnt enough. because even though i could connect with her through her klingon-ness, her latinidad is simply a label. throughout the show you see her change and grow and assimilate to the federation standard and it HURT. the narrative that i was directly picking up from her story was yeah you can be a part of the club but only if you do it how we want you to do it. and dont you EVER even talk about being latino unless its to shit on your deadbeat of a father. and i did. i learned how to adapt at an extremely young age. ive been told its one of the things i do best (sad isnt it?)

and okay how do seven and janeway have anything to do with this? well they are the white women who we literally have to conform to and for. thats it period

seven as a character had an amazing opportunity to challenge gender and sexuality because of her story (one that would have been better suited had she been an indigenous woman which ive spoken on before but thats for another post too) and then the people in charge decided that she just HAD to be the sexywoman instead of leaning into just how much she was no longer human and how humanity itself doesnt actually have one right way to be

this narrative is given to us by janeway time and time and time again correcting seven and telling her that seven simply is not himan enough and still has to learn. (things autistic ppl can suuuuuper relate to which is a reason i could connect with seven at all). no matter how you want to look at it (whatever canon you want to decide isnt canon anymore for the sake of a fucking ship) janeway was directly written to be a mentor and mother figure to seven. janeway is there to help her learn when in reality she can never understand what its like to be an outcast within the federation and to take it a step further be part of a eace which is treated with hostility by humans. something b’elanna CAN understand and relate to because at the time of voyager shits still om the rocks between klingons and humans. janeway pushes seven to accept and embrace humanity as if thats the only option seven has to become a better character but its just not true. the story woven between janeway and seven is one of white women and femininity and how to be the perfect white woman and how to be a good lover. by actively ignoring the help and influence b’elanna could have provided for seven to learn and adapt to a majority human world they put all that weight on janeway. something that affects ALL three of them negatively and results in a narrative of “well b’elanna could never understand and relate to seven in a way that matters” which is beyond true because they are so interwoven even unintentionally so. it simply just wasnt taken further and its a true shame

and this isnt even touching on how badly seven’s actress was treated by janeways actress for being the pretty new doll at the time of filming and how that affected how i felt about janeway/seven as a ship (similarly how castle and beckett did not get along behind scenes i could no longer enjoy that show anymore)

i simplified this IMMENSELY and this shit is already long enough as it is so im sorry about that but yeah thats it. also sorry if things got repetitive ive been told i tend to do that when i write. these are my feelings and i am a real human behind this account so keep in mind how you react to this post. i have recieved countless hate anons most of which ive deleted throughout my short lived time as a fan of this franchise. i used to be MUCH more vocal about representation within star trek and people got mad so i left. but im back because the people that love b’elanna and that love that i have things to say about her matter so much fucking more than any angry person ever will

[torchiiko]

id liek to get back to streaming either this month or next month For Sure so ive started making monthly priorities lists to help me chip away at my massive to-do list & so far its been helping! i can manage my priorities in a more digestible way & having a smaller list with specific goals is a lot nicer than having a lot of big lists & trying to pick what to do almost at random

i like being able to go "ok here are my goals for the month" rather than "ok i need to this at some point, oh & i rlly wanna do that, & next time i draw i should do this" point is; Its Working So Far

im think im also gonna delay the development of my own vtuber model to practice on a premade educational model so i can get the hang of rigging & use it to figure out what i want/need to do for my own. for now, ill either be a png or a disembodied voice depending on the stream/video

i have a lot to think abt in terms of content direction & ill try to sort that out as i go instead of wasting time deliberating instead of actually making anything xp

im a little nervous abt picking up streaming again, especially since i only made it 2 streams before stopping for a long while.... the momentum i had fizzled out Fast since there was. a whole Situation. BUT once i push myself to get back into it i should be good to go! i just have to recross that initial hurdle which is unfortunately one of the hardest parts 😔

[furymint]

2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

[duncebento]

how to become a decent writer like you

hiii well i took fiction and poetry writing classes @ columbia but looking back ive always been pretty decent at writing :> my parents read a lotttt to me (mostly a. a. milne) and i was reading magic treehouse on my own around 3 or 4, so i think that just being exposed to a lot of writing made me more adept…but that’s not very helpful. so i would recommend not just reading a lot, but (same as with any art) attempting to dismantle anything you find yourself liking in order to better emulate it. i personally am nominally influenced by the casual academic voices of ppl like terry eagleton as well as fiction writers like the brontës and nabokov, and when i’m reading them i habitually take note of what’s being done by the language. actually, my little bookshelf is beside me, so let’s have a look:

this is the opening of baldwin’s giovanni’s room. it would take a lot of words to discuss everything that’s being done, but a couple things:

“my face is…a darker past” is a pair of sentences giving us a LOT of information, and quite poetically! our main character is not only telling us that he is white, he is saying something about what whiteness has done, and a bit of how he feels about that whiteness (and, perhaps, a bit of what baldwin feels about whiteness.) this is not purple prose: there is a reason why it is not written “i have an average face. my ancestors were european.” it could have been, but that simplicity would have painted a different character without all the drama and brooding this one appears to possess! beyond that, baldwin’s phrasing compels us to think about whiteness, about privilege, and about what it means not to be marginalized— even the earlier act of watching his reflection in the “darkening gleam of the window pane” curves nicely into this talk of whiteness, because it implies the visual contrast our mc has with darkness! the nature of poetry, in fact, is “defamiliarization,” phrasing that compels the reader to see the Real in a way they don’t normally have reason to.

and this is fiction, but good argumentative writing is also based in an attempt to anticipate the reaction of its reader. as such, take note of your reactions while reading! “I stand at…morning of my life” is a lovely opening sentence, because it is contrastive: standing at the window of a great house in the south of france is surely a reason to feel grand in general— so when our mc expresses his terror, we wonder “but why??” and baldwin knew we would think “but why??” which is why he placed it at the very beginning of the book. the next sentence, seemingly unrelated, has a LOT more meaning after the first sentence, a sort of kuleshov effect…we realize that we are not just hearing about random objects in the setting (although we ARE getting info abt the setting), we assume because of the aforementioned terror that the mc may be drinking away his despair, and is hence keeping the bottle close. and so on and so on. to write well argumentatively, you must reverse-engineer the reaction you wish your audience to have, i believe. so i hope that’s helpful!

[fastasheep]

asking abt ur selfship au!!!! how does eunso feel abt minyoung + vise versa? are yoosung and seven still close? does eunso like seven (do they hang out together as a group? :3)

+ bonus space to talk abt whatever u want

OH MY GOODNESS IVE NEVER BEEN ASKED AB MY SELFSHIPS BEFORE KYAAA i don't know how to format tumblr posts so i'll try to make it make sense.. hehe...

Eunseo + Minyoung:

Eunseo is a part of the RFA and has known Yoosung and Rika since she was in high school. She's a year older than Yoosung and Rika saw her potential as an author and a journalist so Rika asked her to work with the RFA!!!

Eunseo's backstory is a whole other topic I'll touch on in the next ask LOL.

Minyoung (in this universe, which I consider their "canonical" universe if that makes sense), is Saeran/Unknown's assistant and has been working alongside him for two and a half years by the time of the main plot (which follows Seven's route).

To make a long story short, Minyoung was originally supposed to be MC from Ray's route, but it follows the Bad Ending where MC refuses to be the play tester so Ray takes her back to magenta to be his assistant.

As a result, Minyoung knows about Eunseo but Eunseo doesn't know anything about her. Two years after Secret End 2 (hence the name of the AU, Secret End: After), Eunseo is working on her Master's Thesis and decides to write about Mint Eye and its previous Believers.

She sends out an online survey asking for previous members of the cult to willingly step up and attend an interview. Minyoung is the only legitimate member of Mint Eye, so Eunseo focuses her work on Minyoung for now.

Then... through Eunseo, Minyoung and Saeran meet again <3.

Eunseo + Seven:

To be honest... Eunseo has just never liked Seven to begin with. Maybe because she just doesn't appreciate his humour but tries to suck it up because Yoosung loves Seven so much lol. But I like to think that two years later, she learns to be civil with him and enjoy his presence.

Yoosung + Seven:

Yes! These two goofballs are still very close even in this AU, probably closer than ever before. I'm a YooSeven geek, so I really can't get rid of their dynamic no matter how hard I try LOL. Yoosung has matured a lot in the time that's passed though and he's actually often the voice of reason when Seven and Saeran get into fights. Yoosung understands most out of them all what it means to let people go and let them develop, I think.

As for RFA as a group, they do still often meet up in this AU. They're still Rika's Fundraising Association and they still throw parties. Jumin and Jaehee still work closely together, but Jumin has started to see things from her perspective. Thank god he doesn't overwork her anymore. Jaehee still has plans of opening her own cafe and Jumin wouldn't mind helping her out. Zen is still single as ever, but he's become less immature about it.

But thank you so much for asking about my meepy Minyoung! She's been my self insert for about three or so years now and I was really nervous about showing her off to the world. I appreciate your interest sooo much <3