#ive been there once and now im not
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#the real question is why do they care?#why does my coach want me back on tranings? like i was never that good anyways#what he wants more money?#there are so many new people now my payment wouldn't have changed anything#so why?#why is he asking when ill be back#why is he saying that he's waiting for me?#it just doesn't make sense since he has no profit out of me being there#and that one friend who is a fucking pro?#why did he say that he can't wait for my comeback?#i was never a worthy oponent#so why? what's the poit of having me back when ill be just useless?#what does he expect that ill be back as strong as that other guy after a knee surgery?#bruh i will not#why are they saying that they miss me?#why do they say these things?#if i just left and never came back nobody would've noticed#ive been there once and now im not#im not even a skilled fighter who would be good at tournaments#im just a kid that pretends to be someone more this is all#so why do they lie?#what is the price for this attention?#am i just too stupid to know what the price is?#when will i learn how big my debt is?#they can't profit out of me so WHY DO THEY CARE?!#im sorry for this
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trigunned the hades or hadesed the trigun (id in alt)
#trigun#trigun maximum#nicholas d wolfwood#vash the stampede#meryl stryfe#milly thompson#millions knives#ruporas art#type of shit ive been on lately bc ive been playing an obsessive amount of hades 2 lmfao… ofc imstead of drawing fansrt for hades#i channel that energy into trigun?😭 SEE.. the thing is. i am ALWAYS thinking about a trigun game… like an action story game#it is rotating in my brain 24/7 and now after 7billion years i finally pick up a video game#and the inspiration sparked. obviously this is just a mere mimic of an existing media... but im thinking about the plot of max now#executed differently between mediums… webbing a new retelling of the original story as game mechanics allows you - thinking of the#new roles the characters would take. like wolfwood here is not Constantly by vash’s side but he will show up once a run to clear out an#encounter. shows up seldomly at home base to make gifting difficult... an existing companion and still journeys on his own. for more#relations options merylmilly will also have occasions where they separate so vash can speak to them individually - the gungho are not bosse#most of them get the roles of giving “boons” i think.. BUT ANYWAY thats me reimagining trigun into hades. now imagining trigun into an#ORIGINAL video game.... ough... ohhh....guhh... I WANT IT SO BAD!!!!!!!!#this was just a fun exercise... im thinking about doing more but i think i shouldactually draw some hades 2 fanart first
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the rude blacksmith has enchanted me. also feeling so normal about this game that i did pixel art for the first time ever to try and draw my farmer in the game style
#fields of mistria#fom#fom farmer#march fom#fom march#march fields of mistria#fields of mistria fanart#IT WAS SO FUN TRYING TO MIMIC THE CHARACTER STYLE#ive been following fom development since JANUARY 2022#i signed up for email updates guys#im so happy its in ea now hehe#dev team ily its so fun im eagerly awaiting full release#im quite in love with literally all the romance candidates but im so obsessed with annoying march#that i dont think i can kid myself on who my first route is gonna be LOL#gives me an excuse to replay the game a bunch once its out :3#itseart
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losing my actual mind rn
i had this interaction in the dropout discord (i am the first and third person). short. simple. i only got the first year bc of a discount + a gift card i had, so i was planning on using this person's suggestion.
then, i got this.
oh my god!! how nice!! how sweet!!! how thoughtful!! i gave them my email and they sent over a subscription, i thanked them profusely. i was very grateful, very touched.
hours and hours later i was still thinking about it and i recalled how, in the email id gotten about it, it said "tao yang sent you a subscription" and id seen that and thought "oh haha like the tao yang" and then moved on
but now, thinking back, i was like.... theres no way, so i googled tao yang.
......
TAO YANG BOUGHT ME A FUCKING ANNUAL DROPOUT SUBSCRIPTION
#tao yang#dropout#dropout.tv#dimension 20#AAAAAAAAAAA#losing my literal actual mind#i think hes so funny#i was already rly grateful and touched and now im just like flustered and starstruck#this is quite literally the most celebrity interaction ive ever had in my life#and i didnt even realize while it was happening#now i want to message him again but i feel like thatd be weird#sam responded to my question once and i still think about it now months latwr#bc THAT had been the most direct celebrity intersection id had#and this was like six levels above that#crazy world we live in#anyway. i have dropout again!!!! yippee!!!!
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survived...!!
#come sit and have a drink with mee....#its been awhilee. happy new year! first drawing of the year#ive got my tablet back now!! so i can draw again :>#and im sleeping a bit proper for once#....though its past 4 am right now thats not relevant mksfs#regardless!! ill beee#doing more this year#so!! look forward to it. and to me#hope you're all doing well yourselves. take care and thank you like always#milk#diary
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YOUR APOCALYPSE CHARLES IS SO CUTE!!!!HIS LONG HAIR AHHH IM OBSESSED
thank you so much !!!!! it's twisted irony that his hair looks the best in the movie he loses it in ......
#mcu#xmen movies#xmen#xmen apocalypse#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#ANY excuse to draw apocalypse charles HIIIIIIII#whenever i draw him all i think of is how he reminds me of a disney princess. and how he ends this movie bald#and i love him all the same ....#wow its really been a while since ive drawn movieverse tho huh <- its been like three days#three days is a long time alright. do you know how many times ive rewatched these movies in that time.#im leaving now BYE i have things to do and once those things are done i can do other things doingly
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i live here now
#911 abc#buddie#oliver stark#ryan guzman#ive always been a firm believer that buddie is happening#always#never waivered not once#and now im more convinced than ever
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BRO LITERALLY DOXXED HIMSELF TO THE CYCLOPS. he was asking to get jumped come on
#ATHENA WAS LITTERALLY BEGGING FOR BRO TO SHUT UP AND HE WAS JUST LIKE:#“HEY CYCLOPS IM THE REIGNING KING OF ITHACA AND MY NAMES ODYSSEUS BET YOU CANT FIND ME”#my art#epic the musical#epic the cyclops saga#odysseus#odysseus of ithaca#odysseus epic#athena#athena epic#eurylochus epic#out off topic but people that sent doodle request on ask im not ignoring y'all ok#it's just that my grandpa fell down on the kitchen and hit his head so now ive been a bit busy taking care of him#he's good btw nothing happened to him it was just a cut#but the gdi head always bleeds so much it was so scary#plus i felt another artblock starting so I had to doodle something silly and funny to kinda motivate myself lol#AND PLUS i started trying animating and turns out I KINDA HATE-LOVE IT#it's SO MUCH WORK TAKES SO MUCH TIME IT CAN BE SO BORING AT TIMES#but also once you kinda check how its looking overall it feels so good and fun??#anyways ill probably get to those asks around the weekend when ill have some free time :)
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accumulated enough abandoned wips to dump them in a post again
#deltarune#kris#noelle#my art#i actually really like that first one but once ive left a piece for too long i cannot bring myself to work on it again i dont know why.#maybe if im rly motivated and have the time.. which i have neither of right now#im sorry im always complaining abt how busy i am but its upsetting how much its been affecting how much i can draw..#whcih is why i thought now would be a good time for a post like this at least
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one small step for. kitties
#mine#cats#i was gna share th process vid of this but its just 90% drawing little dots not thrilling#anyway i had a Day today but we live we go forth !!#i am going to try a new journal thing bc th hobonichi hasnt been slaying ngl . i might b a filofax girlie#ive bought a 2nd hand one off ebay for 12£ which will Do For Now to see if actually like it#i need to figure out th sizing of my pages im gna make my own....brain is so so small#i was gna do mini pages for daily journaling but i think ive excepted i am not. gna journal everyday like thats not happening#n then what happens when im then using dated journals is i fall behind n then i hve such an atrocious memory i cant remember what i did#like 3 days prior to back fill so its lots of empty pages and AAAA#ironic that i am journaling to help my symptoms but my symptoms r stopping me from journaling. can i win once#anyway i think this system will be better yes yes
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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how long since the last magma dump
#this ones small compared to the others i feel n also all out of order bc formatting is a bitch#all saints street#wan sheng jie#ive been reading for once omg#jrwi riptide#fields of mistria#drawtectives#do i tag characters... question that haunts me for these kinda posts#nick hoult#wsj crystal#<- sweden win... is for me#jasmine drake#<- missing him everday all the time every second#drawtectives felix#hes trying to loaf idk how well it reads#oc#do you remember him. whatever happened with him. whered he go. (<- the one who has full control of all that)#my art#magma#robins peeking in too everyone prepare yourselves cus like i finally started his save n oh boy its gonna be bad i think but what do i know#that ones literally months old too atp. like ive been holding myself back from getting to him for so long n now im free im gonan be crazy
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Can we get more of the murder drone x rain world au?
ok
#ive been working on artfight refs and also so i can have the plot in a comprehensible fashion#as much as i love bulletpoints theyre too scattered to work#yeah the yellow lizard is just from the original sketch i really didnt feel like changing anything#and just used it for the ref#its so fanficy and cringe and whatever but we all know what a very unwise woman once said#jcj has a design but no name nor ref. do you even know how little cool words begin with j#and then theres a c inbetween. what the hell am i supposed to do with that#probably misinterpreted some rain world lore for this but i dont care its headcanon now bite me#art#murder drones#rain world#i should probably give this like a special tag if im gonna keep posting about it#will i? no#god i hate character design so much#doll and tessa also have design sketches but you'll have to find me in the right places for those until im satisfied enough to make a ref#oh my god i forgot the lower back spike things on n im gonna do nothing about it except get mad at myself
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collage poem about Loop
#skitters up and drops isat fanart on my unsuspecting followers once again#this game has been haunting me all YEAR and ive been too busy to make good fanart. but we have arrived now its happening#the lines here are cut from my partner @ capegloam's poetry book 'youre saltwater / im chlorine'#rearranged and taken wildly out of context of course#this has a digital background + touchups but the drawing and poem are traditional inks. u just cant tell anymore lol#i have many strong emotions and feelings and thots about loop. my beloved freak#isat#isat loop#in stars and time#isat spoilers#<- hella vague but being safe ig#art#dogyolk
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hey i had a wild and crazy idea, just bear with me here bro, but maybe if you're beetlebabes dni you should try not going in the tags constantly to announce that to everyone who is the exact thing you're trying not to interact with. idk just a thought! like consider that we all know you exist, no one who has shipped beetlebabes for any amount of time is unaware that there are people who find the pairing and the people who ship it disgusting. i know that this new film must have all of yall huffing massive amounts of copium to deal with it all, but you could also just, yknow, not interact with it at all. not talk about it. stay in the lane of things you actually like instead of treading on other people's fun bc your disgust with it makes you feel entitled to try to shut it down. just put it in your bio if you feel that strongly about it and move on with your life maybe? choose happiness instead of bitterness? focus on improving yourself and your life instead of trying to play fandom cop every day? just thoughts, do with them what you will!
#beetlebabes#beetlejuice x lydia#once again antis go wandering into the exact places they claim to hate#yelling at everyone to 'dni' despite literally being in the middle of the function#like what do yall think is going to happen??#if you don't like it go away???#im just so tired of these people lmao it's been like 10 years of this now#every day im blocking some new anti that's made their way into the tags yelling DNI DNI#this new movie has them FUCKEd up but that's not OUR problem ok lmao#tbh tho ive always found it kind of hilarious that people are that opiniated about it in the first place#it doesn't even really rank up there with the most problematic ships
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