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phantom-does-a-thing · 2 years

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god I kind of wanted to write tonight but I feel so unmotivated and upset about my writing and ive been playing roblox for three hours and its midnight and i'm tired and everything is going wrong.

#vent #phever dreams with phantom #rambling #delete later #i wrote four fics in one day and that has now taken me out of commission for #three days so far #I messed up with that one chief #bc the burnout is getting to my head too #im upset about my writing and I Just #it doesn't feel good enough or worthwhile n just #idk I just #everything these past three days has been a collossal waste of my time #ive been sitting here doing nothing #and just wasting time not getting anything done #and im wasting more time now #spring break is almost up and this is what im doing #sorry im just a little upset rn #my writing habits are really unhealthy but #everytime I think of trying to break them #its when im so burnt out I literally cannot write #and the moment I can I'm back up with my habits #I can't even hang out w my friends bc I stress out about writing #I need to feel like im being productive #and I need to BE productive #I need to do something I need to create something #and when I'm not I get very upset #whatver idk #just ignore me please its late #I wish I was more of a functioning human being #rather than my obsession with writing to an unhealthy degree

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luck-of-the-drawings · 4 months

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[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #jrwi riptide spoilers #JUST NOTICED A MILLION MISTAKES FUUUUUUUUCK BUT WWHATEVERRRRR IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA HHUURRRLLL #SO I REALLY LIKE FISH AND CHIPS RIGHT. IVE BEEN IN LOVE W THE SHIP EVER SINCE THAT NAT 20 KISS #BUT I THINK I SHIP IT WRONG. OR LIKE. I AM CORRECT BUT EVERYONE SHIPS THEM DIFFERENTLY #THE FISH N CHIPS I SEE EVERYWHERE ELSE IS SO FLOWERY AND SWEET AND ROMANTIC. AND THATS NICE! THAT STUFFS NEAT #but gillion and chip would NEVERRRR enter anything similar to a romantic relationship. chips too damaged and gillions too uninterested #I LIKE MY FISH N CHIPS ONE SIDED AS FUCK #bc 2 gillion chip is his best friend in the whole wide world but hes also kinduvagross little man that took him a MINUTE to really warm up2 #but to CHIP gillion is this powerful and gorgeous and heroic paragon of destiny and his best friend in the whole world who will #bring about the eschaton. 'i didnt believe in destiny until i met you' until i met a champion radiating with a light thatll alter the world #OHH REMEMBER THE FIRST ICE ARENA?he was so mad.still probably shaking from the ordeal.NEVER had he felt true divine radiance CLEAVE through #his SOUL like that.do you remember that moment in the forest w the bugs. an alien from the ocean; lacerating the land w lightning #when the realization flickered in chip for a moment.that the thing standing before him was more powerful than he could ever fathom #remember when grizz mentioned that the nat20 kiss was the 'best kiss chip ever experienced'. that has nothing to do w this. where was i.#LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. BUT HEY. I THINK at the beginning chip absolutely knew that gill was smth grand n powerful n scary #when gillion revealed what exactly the prophecy was;chip got defensive and mad.sure he was sleep deprived but OOH. HES SCARED!#he believes gillion too! he believes that his destiny is to eradicate either the sea or land and that scares him!#but then he gets past it bc ultimately he trusts his bestfriend gillion so so much. he fuckin loves this dude.#he would throw himself intothe path of fire for this dude. he would boat across the ocean for this dude.he would build arenas for this dude #even if this dude will end half the world.even if this dude wields the power and the obligation to eradicate him at any second.#even if this dude is going to throw himself into harms way for his own comrades.even if this dude is just going to sacrifice himself.#one way or another one shall die for the other.these self-sacrificial bastards click so well with eachother!!#chip believes his body is best used to pave roads and gill believes his body is destined to pave prosperity.WHATEVER!!#i really love their dynamic!! they care for eachother so much!in MY heart tho. the icing on the cake here is the fantasy that chip is #just a bit more In Love w gillion than he realizes. like this powerful fish guy is HOT and PRETTY and KIND and FUNNY and LOYAL and STRONG #but gillion would never rly feel that same sort of attraction towards chip. its just not rly his thing. aroace as fuck man.#thats how it is in MY little heart atleast. and i sit here and play w my touys in my brain n i explore my silly lil one sided fish y chips.

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b4kuch1n · 2 years

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the legends speak of it as a kind of enthrallment: the life ended by the tiger is tied to the tiger. in this way there is a line of souls following the beast, for no reason except to show that they were killed. that they could be saved - if only the beast would die [...] in the dark of the wood you see it walk, shadow to shadow, followed by loss after loss after loss, a tail trailing seemingly into the deep death of night [...]

#bakuspecial #cw: body horror #cw: nudity #ask to tag #hi. this is actually not at all the piece Ive been sitting on. I just suddenly really wanted to sketch this at 4 last night #and now. it got done before the one Ive been looking at for uhhhh four days! awesome #this legend I only know like colloquially but it is real btw. iirc #like if a tiger mauls u ur soul has to follow it around until it does #dies. I mean dies. when it does anything is kinda why ur there in the first place #this is very divorced from its full context tho lol tigers and most big animals were generally thought to be long lived and uh. magic?#like they become sapient. when they live long enough. and they start learning spells n shit #so when u become tiger thrall its assumed the tiger actually has stuff for u to do. ur not just following it doin nothing #granted the stuff its assumed it'd want u to do's probably fucking up people's lives or find more stuff for the tiger #greed is also assumed for these beasts generally. so yeah #okay holy fuck I should NOT be awake rn. my brain is not working anymore #have a good night lads. had a really fucking good beef stew tonite. here's to many more of those and for u guys to have some

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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months

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#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper #thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times #like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she #was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled #a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where #you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what #then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have #and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my #leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but #i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying #my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound #by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting #better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that #and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do #what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated

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carrionsong · 7 months

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my baby lily has been missing for 3 days now. i cant even play stardew without wanting to cry bc i made my ingame kitty gray and white and named her lily too ;_;

#.txt #ive been just. sitting here at home since wrk has given me 2 shifts a week. doing nothing but going on walks and calling for her #i need to make a missing poster. i need to go to the local animal shelter and see if shes there but im being dragged around n made to do #shit for everyone else at home (im the errand boy -_-) and ive just been like. paralyzed #i want to cry i dont want to lose her i dont know if we've already lost her im so fucking mad at myself

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dizzybevvie · 2 months

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if 1 more day passes where nothing changes im going to commit a felony

#IM SO FUCKING BOREEEEEEDDDDDDD #ive just been sitting in my room doing nothing waiting for stuff to happen for Actual Years #JUST LET ME LEAAAAAVE LET ME GO AWAY PLEASE I CANT BE HERE ANYMORE #all my friends are busy for the next month and im just UGH #im turning into an insecure jealous bitch and i hate it #beverly says stuff #everyone gets to go on holiday but not me. nope. if i go then my mum doesnt get paid and i cant eat. for fucks sake #i havent gone shopping for clothes in years but we dont have the money #UGHHH THIS SUCKS. SUMMER SUCKS.

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shmothman · 6 months

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i am so tired of being honked at by fucking undergrads who think i should be able to make my turn when i literally cannot. girl if i go right now i will block a lane of traffic Shut The Fuck Up

#i know you’re mad you have to wait a minute at this turn but it’s rush hour and there’s nothing i can do.#learn some fucking patience or get off the road.#or dudes in their giant fuckoff trucks who get mad because i *cant see over the trucks in front of me to turn* because my car sits low!!#i thought Ohio drivers were bad but nothing compares to undergrads in louisiana #you know how many times some fuckin kid has almost pulled out into me since I moved here??#i don’t know if ive ever used my horn before moving here #jesus christ #here’s my petition to raise the driving age to 21.#this has been. a vent post #sef speaks

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alaskasbignaturals · 9 months

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i need to clean my room today and i have no motivation so send requests that i cannot do until i finish cleaning my room

#ive been sitting here all day #doing nothing but cough and watch jerma videos #yeti rambles

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harvestmoth · 8 months

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