#ive been saying this for years but im glad people are taking about it now

[axolotlclown]

remember when there was that post going around challenging terfs to define a chair? i have yet to watch a gender essentialist define a woman without excluding cis black women. and i want yall to watch them do it over and over again until you understand that transphobia is just repackaged white supremacy.

[puppmeo]

Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody

[hello-there]

Communities are a new way to connect with the people on Tumblr who care about the things you care about! Browse Communities to find the perfect one for your interests or create a new one and invite your friends and mutuals!

[a-sleepy-ginger]

21/6/24

❊✺❂✺❊

Had alot of fun drawing

Yuru camp

[m0chis-cafe]

Hello! This is my first time making a request, if it's okay, can I get a reader with Lillia, Rook, Vil and Leona who has recently been suffering from insomnia and anxiety about returning home (comfort in the end) Please? 😔🎀

i absolutely love this, i get horrible insomia. i gotchu♡

(edit: i ended up focusing on one more than the other in some, but both are mentioned. hope u still like it *mwah*)

reader suffering from insomnia and anxiety about returning home.. ⋆⑅˚₊

word count: 1.5k

warnings: mentioning of anxiety, and panic attacks (there will be major comfort though), sitting in laps, kissing, joking to help, mentioning of what happens in each of the characters books (i hope yall have read em before but js in case)

characters: leona, rook, vil, and lilia

leona kingscholar🦁

you paced the botanical gardens on campus, hands tangling in your hair s you thoughts went a million miles a second..

how am i going to get home?

how is my family.. god i miss them..

if im forced to stay here.. how do i even pass these crazy magic classes?

do the people here ive come to know even want me here or are they forced to cause i cant leave..

every new thought was another anxiety that just caused your breath to quicken. your thoughts were flooded with negatives.. if you had magic this is what youd assume a magic blot would feel like.. so much negative emotions piling into you all at once.

you eventually sat below a tree, knees curled to your chest as you tried to calm yourself down. it didnt help that you hadent slept in days, insomnia only getting worse since coming to nightraven.

yet no matter what you did your breaths wouldnt calm, your hands kept shaking, and you couldnt hear or see straight. you almost jumped right out of your skin as you felt hands grab your own that covered your face. looking up you saw brown hair and ears.. leona?

his voice made its way to you eventually, "herbavore? herbavore.. seriously c'mon your worrying me. ruggie said you ran off but i didnt think itd be this bad." he mumbled to himself before his hands slipped dwon to your biceps, "hey, listen to me." he spoke firmly.

your eyes eventually meet him, your breaths calmling slightly at his presence. taking large breaths through your lips as you looked up at him, arms shaking in his hold. "dont fall out on me now, we need you." he spoke lowly as he scopped you up with ease, placing you betwen his legs, "your alright now herbivore, whatevers going on in that head of yours, its gonna be alright, yea?" he placed a kiss on your forhead allowng you time to breath normally.

when your breaths calmed and body began to calm, you sighed and leaned more into his body, "thank you.. leona". he chuckled deeply, sloching more down the tree, letting you fall into his chest. "its fine kid, just glad your fine. did something happen?". your eyes widened before spilling, explaining your thoughts to him slowly, anxious to be a burden. when you ended he rolled his eyes and strted laughing.. at you?..

huh?

"you seriously think anyone here doesnt want you here? i think at this point those first years would fall apart without you, and as for finding your way home, crawley better. or ill personally kick his ass, alright herbavore?" you simply nodded your head and leaned into him smiling, "your really not as bad as they say you are.."

vil schoenheit🧺

vi had become obsessed with training for the dance competittion, day after day everyone was practicing for hours every day. you tried to be nothin bt supportive but your insomnia had only gotten worse with the recent stress of the compettition..

what will happen if we dont win?

everyone else looks so tired..

god im so tired.. when was the last time i slept multiple hours?

i wish i could just go home already..

you guys had gotten the first brea of the day, you sat against the wall between kalim and ace as they yapped about how excited they were to preform next week. listening to them had you distracted, your eyes fluttering closed.

a hand was placed on your shoulder, looking up you saw jamil crouched in front of you, "are you alright? you look terrible prefect" you heard ace and kalim repremand him for being so blunt, but you just shook your head trying to wake up, "im fine jamil.. just tired, thank you though"

he looked skeptical but quickly turned to make sure kalim was drinking water and taking a proper break. ace mumbled something under his breath that you barley couldnt catch before he stood up and walked towards vil who was with rook and epel, who were talking across the room.

you saw vil look down at ace with his arms crossed, he glanced at you as ace pointed a finger to you. vil abandoned his conversation with epel and rook, shooing away the others around you, "why wouldnt you say that you havent been sleeping, thats not proper conditions for you to be proforming in prefect."

"im fine vil-", he rolled his eyes and cut you off, "you look anything but, stand" he reached a hand down to you, pulling you up from the ground. your head swam with spots when you rose too quickly, stumbling into vil.

he wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you up, "poision.. is somethng truley wrong?" you looked up at him, eyes wide as he read you like a book. he quickly took your hand and dragged you out of the practice room and into the lounge at pomefiore.

he sat you down in one of the chairs and crouched in fron tof you, holding your face in his hands, "speak to me.." you sighed before explaining what had been happening, the stresses and not sleeping, the thoughts of never being able to go home.

he sighed and stood, sitting beside you and tugging you into his side, "i wish you would speak up when this happens, you know that id never wish to add to your burdens." he placed a kiss to your forhead before continuing, "we will find a way for you to go home, no matter how bitter sweet itll be, i do hope we find a way for you to go back and forth.. we would all miss you terribly here.. especially me." at his words you sighed and relaxed into his side, "ill find a way back, i could never just leave you guys.. especially you.

rook hunt🪶

you thought itd be easy to hide your emotions recently, but knowing rook he proably could already see through your mind..

i hope i can go home soon..

i wonder if time has passed back home and if my family is worried about me..

i need to stop stresing, i havent slept at all recently

these magic classes are getting harder with the lack of magic

you thought you kept a pretty good mask on arround others, yet as soon as you were walking from potions alone with rook he spoke up, "mon cheri.. have you been sleeping enough? your beauty is as blinding as always, alas you seem more tired than usual."

you shouldve known better than to try to keep something from him, he finds out everything sooner rathar than latter, "im alright, just worried about getting home, i guess its been affecting my sleep.."

"well theres no use in worrying cheri! i garuntee they will find a way to send you home! with that said i think a long rest for you is in place." he spoke cherfully as he laced your hands together and dragged you to pomefiore, you smiled at his actions and followed along.. he always here to look after me

lilia vanrough🦇

after dealing with blots from every other house, you thought hanging around diasmonia would be calming. yet as you sat in the lounge with silver, sebek, lilia, and malleus your thought still didnt stop running..

whos going to over-blot next?

will the next one be more powerful.. maybe too powerful..

i didnt have these struggles at home

even my sleep scheduals gotten worse.. late nights staying up with lilia and idia playing games have become much more often an occurance

im supposed to be relaxing, just breath..

your mind spaced out as you looked at the floor in front of you while stuck in thought. your hands tangled into your blazer sleeves as your breath quickened, your vision began to see spots before you felt a hand rest on top of your own in your lap.

"prefect, is something the matter?" your head snapped up and saw lilia who was sat beside you, a concerned look for once took over his boyish grin, "your not looking too good.. are you ill?" he placed a hand on you forhead attempting to asses if you were running a fever.

"im alright.. just missing home" you mumbled, offering him a small smile as you placed your head on his shoulder. he sighed, raisng your hand to press a kiss on the back of your hand, "well find a way for you to go back, i promise it my dear."

he wrapped an arm around your waist pulling you to lean more into him, "in the mean time, you havent been sleeping and its clear, get some rest prefect" his boyish grin returned as he pecked your cheek. he was right.. everything was gonna be ok.

you finally felt comfortble enough to fall into a deep sleep against him, with grim curled up into your lap mumbling about his dreams of tuna. surronded by people you became found of over you stay at nightraven, it wouldnt be bad to stay here, but you knew that there would be a way home.

[lilisgardensblog]

~NEUVILLETTE HEADCANONS ~

(turned into neuvillette x reader)

aside from the melusines being his children, I feel like his favorite animal is an otter (he looks so much like an otter it drives me crazy it's so adorable!!)

next hc is kinda neuvillette x reader btw

because of his cold appearance most people don't approach him. you are truly the first one to get to know his warm personality, rapidly becoming best friends

but soon the friendship became something more than just friendship. the little playful laughs turned into shy giggles as both of you were unsure of the other's feelings.

he started bringing your favorite flowers every time he'd come back from a trial to visit you. you were now looking forward to every trial and you were glad Fontaine people saw these trails as entertainment. that meant more flowers for you

sometimes if the trial takes a serious turn, your "friend" will come upset as the weather outside rapidly changes. it starts to pour as soon as the trial is over, making neuvillette arrive drenched but still holding your now soaked flowers

whenever he arrives by your door like this, you know something is not right. even tho he never told you, you had your own suspicions about the true identity of the hydro dragon, you were 99%sure it was him (you left that 1% for his confirmation)

"there, there, my hydro dragon" you'd comfort him in days like these. you always did this since the moment you met, at first simply because he has a hydro vision (and is built like a dragon), by now this soothing phrase becoming a habit

he always looks forward to your warm embrace and always says the same thing when he's finally at peace

"thank you...and im sorry for crying once again in front of you" he'll whisper the last part but as always you just hug him and tell him its no problem

but not this time. this time you hugged him and acted on impulse. no risk no gain, you thought before kissing his cheek.

"stop apologizing, neuv.... you know im always here for you. ive been here all these years and yet you still feel the need to apologize. you're more than welcome in my arms whenever you need so there's no need for apologies."

he was speechless. all he could do was lock his gaze with yours as both of you waited for the other one to speak up

you spoke up first trying to move on from the increasingly awkward moment "well anyways-"

he cuts you off "excuse my interruption,but you're right...mon chéri. " he said as he leaned closer, cupping your cheek with one hand

and at that moment you both knew there was no turning back

you kissed him, no longer able to wait for neuvillette to do it. it started slow and unsure at first, but soon both of you started kissing more hungrily for more, none of you getting enough

to your displeasure, he breaks the kiss only to softly whisper in your ear "I've waited so long to do this..."

" me too mon amour...."

and with that you both resumed your kissing as the sky cleared and stars shined brightly over Fontaine as the hydro dragon was at peace in his true love's arms

OMG I LOVED WRITING THIS NEUVILLETTE BRAINROT GOES BRRRR (sorry if there are any mistakes, I've wrote this in like 5 mins)

[markatoto]

so i've been curious, feel free not to answer, but the fact you're so insistent upon people not referring to you as a kirby, but you're still a kirby fan, and knowing what your model looked like once upon a time... did you get a c&d and that's why you made a change? i hope i'm not being disrespectful, if i am i'm sorry!

no, there was never any cease and desist from nintendo, but with the way they operate now-a-days, im glad that i had the foresight to change into something that a lil more inspired and original. (well... emphasis on the inspired LOL)

actually, quick lil rant if you'll allow me: i am incredibly insistent to folks very much not referring me/my vtuber directly as a kirby for a reason. i did, at the very least, tried to take the time to make something a lil more original for the art of streaming as a vtuber, but it can certainly be frustrating when folks are constantly saying to me "OH YOURE A KIRBY". i think if people can recognize that its more inspired by the things i enjoy, then that's usually a lil more along my speed. it's, for sure, a lot less frustrating LOL

at the same time, i do have to acknowledge the shortcomings of my own design process at the time - certainly when i made my current design (which was concepted back in december 2020), i did not have the skills necessary for memorable character design. i could have done something that would have made the character a lil more visually distinctive. that's on me and i can absolutely recognize that.

i guess the funny part is that ive got a "V2" design that ive been sitting on for a couple of years now. the unfortunate reality is that, as ive said before, i am just one dude who still needs to stream 5 - 6 times a week to try and make rent. sometimes there just isnt any time to work on the redesign/making a new model/prepping for a total visual overhaul of the streams.

with that being said.... if you wanna know more about how i went about the design process for my character, you should check out this post i made a while back. i think sheds some light on how things worked and, retroactively speaking, didnt work out

and that's it! sorry about all the text. i guess it's just been weighing on my mind for a bit, especially since ive wanted to just rebrand lately no questions or prep about it. maybe one day ill have the bravery

[omamorens]

Do you have any HCs with Ivy and Ink Blade?

OH BOY IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE. ivy is a very interesting character to me (fhjy spoilers: and im glad she survived). tho people might not really like her that much, i think shes neat and could have a lot of nuances if her character could be explored enough

ivy (pre and post shatter-star) is a regina george mean girl but with pop-punk rock aesthetics.

she’s a girls girl and much like her canon, she loves fashion.

loves fashion in a sense that she loves it for Herself and not because she wants to impress anyone.

she does not give a shit about what anyone thinks of her actually, and that generally comes off as “mean”.

ivy only sees her attitude as a filter for those too weak to be acquainted with her.

though she has a hard exterior, she does have a soft spot for those who could actually stick by her.

riding off on that “loves fashion” part, i think ivy is particularly good at finding good deals and the best bargains. she doesn’t go for the most expensive stuff because that’s just wasteful.

she’s the type of friend you want to go to the flea market with because this girl drives a hard bargain.

riding off of that, ivy always takes oisin out to shop because there’s not a lot of dragonborn-proof clothes for him so when they do find stuff, its too expensive to be worth it unless ivy is the one bargaining for him.

oisin is always grateful of her for it.

in her shatter-star state, ivy’s “mean” attitude got nastier and more cruel

ivy has a hard time asking for forgiveness (oisin will tell you that she almost never says the word “i’m sorry” genuinely), but she does it in her own way.

sometimes when she passes by mazey in the halls, ivy genuinely compliments the bard on her badidas.

“nice shoes. they’re the 90’ exclusive line, right? those were the best quality shoes they released. such a shame their next series went downhill from there.”

mazey, apprehensive of ivy at first but open to having this conversation with her, “no, yeah, you’re absolutely right. these are the only pairs i can both dance and fight in. its been a year but theyre still going strong.”

and the girls continue talking about finding the best deals and the most practical clothing they could have as adventurers. fabian is not very happy about this.

mazey of course is not required to forgive ivy for things she said and done, and ivy is not at all actively seeking for verbal forgiveness anyway

but they can be courteous to each other and bond over similar interests

lucy, being a frost genasi, absolutely knows how to knit. she knits her own clothes sometimes because not much clothing items in stores have her size.

when ivy found out about this during freshman year, ivy asked lucy to teach her and they absolutely bonded over knitting.

at some point both the girls have knitted some stuff for all the members of their party.

everyone still keeps their knitted gifts, even if they’re frayed or have grown too small for them to use.

surely i will have more to write on her character but for now these are what i have on the top of my head. ivy embra they dont get you like i do (ivy hcs with inkblade i will continue in another post because this one got too long)

[velvetvexations]

i feel really selfish saying this, but i really wish there were more general trans movies with characters who aren't trans women. like, i'm really glad that they're there and there should be more, but on the other hand, its kinda all thats there? obviously there ARE movies like this, but 9 times out of 10 when there's a recommendation to go see a trans movie, its either a trans women or a character heavily implied to be a trans women there. and i'm really glad those movies are there! but i'd just wish there could be a big discussion about movie and there would be a trans man or a nonbinary person representing the community.

(this also goes for other types of media too)

i sent an ask complaining about how the majority of trans movies that the community talks mainly show trans women and i wanna take that back cause a lot of those media are shitty towards trans women. i dont think its fair to complain about that when those media are awful towards trans women. i apologize

anon of the trans ppl in media asks you can publish them! i retracted it cause im kinda emotional rn and i couldn't really remember if i was being fair or shitty

I think what you're forgetting, anon, is that while trans women are depicted badly in a lot of places - less so over the years, people mainly reference things from the previous century - there's still way more positive transfem rep than there is of anything for transmascs, and that doesn't mean transfems have it better, but as always hyper-visibility and invisibility are two sides of the same coin. It's okay for invisibility to not feel good. There should indeed be more media about transmascs.

Now I'm finally doing that. This year I made my first ever hand sewn cosplay. There are definitely mistakes, but it's pretty sturdy and I can't express the sheer sense of pride I got from wearing something I sewed myself. There are some things I wanna tweak on it, like I must have made a mistake when measuring the waistband because it's WAY too thick. But it's functional, it's accurate, and it even has a zipper! It was expensive because of course for my first ever sewing project I picked a character with a pleated skirt (you need 3x your waist in fabric and im fat which definitely adds up lmao, plus i got the fabric custom printed from a print-on-demand company) and the pleats took forever to do. But I'm so so so proud of it. I'm looking into armor crafting with EVA foam for a future cosplay, and it's intimidating but I'm really excited at the idea of working with it. I've seen so many amazing armor sets and props made with EVA foam and I can't wait to make my own. I'm thinking I'm gonna cosplay Maple from BOFURI: I Don't Want to Get Hurt, So I'll Max Out My Defense.. Then again, that might be jumping off straight into the deep end again like I did for the last cosplay since she has a GIANT shield. At least I'm sticking to her main outfit, not the one with giant angel wings lmao. I may have watched several videos on wing crafting but even I'm not brazen (or stupid) enough to try making those for only my second real cosplay lmao. Anyway this has been your regularly unscheduled cosplay info dump. Thank you for tuning in, we'll see you next time!

Ambitious! I hope it all turns out great, it sounds like a lot of big projects to have on one's plate.

My opinions are a lot more nuanced than most takes on 'shipcourse' that ive seen, but I've gathered that im generally included when people say 'proshippers dni' based on how people define it in said dnis. I'm not gonna purposefully interact with someone who obviously doesn't want me there. But that makes it frustratingly difficult to find people to follow who also believe in things like transandrophobia. It happens all too often that I find someone with great takes and go to follow them, then see that they have a dni that includes me. It especially sucks when all the other things in the dni are things like "racist" and "transphobic". I'm sorry, but I just can't see having a nuanced opinion on fiction as being on the same level as being a bigot towards others. It sucks to be put on the same level as actively hateful people because I have concerns about the normalization of censorship. I believe that when you open the doors to censoring media because of morals, you set the groundwork for things like the Hays Code. Censorship has always been disproportionately used to silence marginalized groups. I just can't get behind that, no matter how 'noble' the intentions behind it might be.

If it helps any, I'm also what one would call a pro-shipper but find the word itself beneath my dignity because I think it's ridiculous it's an argument in the first place.

[asteroidzzzn]

more than just a dream - spark, 004

pairing: college!ellie x reader

synopsis: you transfer to a new school where you only know one person; your childhood best friend. he invited you to a beginning of the year party to meet some new people, but one person, in particular, catches your eye... his other best friend.

a/n: dina bonding time!

genre: social media au, fluff

series masterlist -- previous chapter -- next chapter

bria 🧚

hey!

dina 💋

hi whats up? :)

bria 🧚

im bored and everyone else went out but i dont feel like drinking rn..

can i come over?

i know the two of us arent super close but this could be our chance to bond outside the group 🤞🤞

dina 💋

omg ofc!! i was feeling the same i just wanted to chill and stay in today 😭 but ya come over whenever

bria 🧚 ❤️ a message

we can watch mission impossible if ur into that!

only if u bring snacks...

bria 🧚

U HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IVE BEEN WANTING TO SEE THATTTT OK im omw now ill put the best i have in a bag 🙏 cya!!

dina 💋 ❤️ a message

bria 🧚

hey dina, sorry i had to leave right away

i have to study for the first unit test later today

wish i didn't, this is so boring

how are u?

dina 💋

im fine

good

im good im great actually

but i really think we should talk about it

what happened last night

bria 🧚

later, ok?

sorry

i need to go right now stepping into class

dina 💋

oh ok, bye :)

dina woodward

hi y/n im literally going insane r u free to talk

y/n

omfg 😭 whats going on

dina woodward

you'll never believe what happened last night

y/n

ughhh i wish i was there! sorry i wanted to stay in to get some sleep, i have a test next period

dina woodward

oh no worries i actually stayed in too so this isnt ab the outing

do u know who bria volentas is?

y/n

yeah i do!

shes really nice ill sit next to her in history in a few minutes actually

dina woodward

oh 😭😭😭 i wanted to talk to u ab this bc i thought u were the only one in the group that didnt really know her

can u keep a secret? just need to get this off my chest

y/n

u can trust me :)

dina woodward

sooo... ive had a crush on her since the dawn of time

y/n !! a message

and we hung out last night alone!!

y/n

!!AWEEE yall will be so cute together i can see it now

dina woodward ❤️ a message

also im so glad u said that bc i wasnt ab to be the one to com eout first 😭😭

dina woodward !! a message

dina woodward

YOUW AHT?!?!?!?!?!?

i didnt wanna assume but i secretly knew.........

y/n haha a message

y/n

🤝🤝🤝

OKOK GET ON W UR STORY

dina woodward

we were watching mission impossible bc ellie ditched me (i wont forget) and she goes 'im cold' so bc shes the actual loml i let her under my blanket

y/n

awwww

dina woodward

then our feet kinda touched then our hands kinda touched and we were getting rlly close... then we fucked

y/n

AHH????

that went from 0 to 100 sO FAST

dina woodward

I KNOW LIKE IMS TILL SO IN SHOCK RN

y/n

SO YGS ARENT TOGETHER YET THO?? HAVE U TALKED AB IT ALL??? FYB? ONE TIME THING?

dina woodward

IDKK I HAVE NO IDEA

this is the average wlw experience i say while dry heaving and crawling onto the roof and howling

y/n ❤️ a message

y/n

LMFAOOO it literally is tho we have it so difficult

dina woodward

HELPPP ME AND BRIA ARE IN CHAT RN BUT WE'RE NOT SAYING ANYTHING

SPEAK UP WOMANNN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

i said i wanted to talk ab last night and she was so avoidant so she BETTER say something rn

y/n

yall rn

lurking in chat.....

dina woodward

😭😭😭

i need to be distracted rn

eye starts twitching

tell me smth thats going on w u

y/n

ok u trusted me w ur crush so i can trust u w mine right..

dina woodward

ofc ofc

y/n

so u know her actually like really well from what i know

BLEEEH I HATE TELLING PPL I LIKE THEIR FRIENDS

is ellie williams gay..

dina woodward

take a look at her what do u think

yes she is gay! AND U LEIWFAGJEDFANJ YOU LIKE HER??

y/n ❤️ a message

y/n

angels harmonize and descend from heaven

BLESSS 🙏🙏

yes i like her... i think. its been hard to like anyone since my last relationship but im feeling rlly hopeful about us

im heavily delusional tho she was prob just being friendly when we hung out

dina woodward

she recently broke up w her ex too, and shes been kinda staying away from relationships :(

ur amazing tho youd be so good for her

if she acts like a bitch to u ONCE run

y/n

damn jesse warned me ab her too 😭 what happened with her and her ex? if u know or if ur ok with telling me

i know its not really my business

i just wanna know what lines i cant cross

dina woodward ❤️ a message

dina woodward

yeah i totally get it

i actually dont know all the details

i think she only told jesse bc theyre way closer than me and her

if u want to know everything, id ask him or get it from ellie herself

just get closer with her and she'll tell u everything, and u can decide what to do from there

y/n

ok , thats a good idea

ill just use my amazing charm and incredible beauty to captivate her in chemistry

dina woodward ❤️ a message

dina woodward

HEHEHEHE

speaking of,, she sucks at chemistry. u could get closer to her by tutoring her if youd be up for that?? shed appreciate it sooo much

y/n

#1 wingman award is presented toooooo dina woodward!

dina woodward ❤️ a message

ill def talk to her ab that ill be like heyyy u need help 💋

shit gtg now, test time!

dina woodward

good luck!! with the test and ellie🙏

y/n ❤️ a message

a/n: a lot longer than the last chapter!! but i had a lot to say in this one :D love in the future for my girl dina!!! love to see it

hope u enjoyed as always (✿◠‿◠)

taglist: @ximtiredx @gold-dustwomxn @elliesinterlude @fireflyels @trulygnomed @deluluwh-0-re @toesorhoes @elliewilliamsmissingfingerss @emluvselandabs @ariianelle @jokerpokimoon @lonelyfooryouonly @lil-elliesgf @yuaaa05 @ourautumn86

[justjensenanddean]

Jensen Ackles and Jeffrey Dean Morgan | New Jersey Convention, Main Panel (April 16, 2023)

(x)

“hey dad! times been good to ya” (x)

when jensen and danneel had crushes on each other but were tied up with other people jensen wrote her a note that said “not now. but someday” and she still has it (x)

jdm was on jensens first date with danneel bc JENSEN INVITED HIM BC HE HAD NO IDEA IT WAS A FIRST DATE (x)

jensen: jdm got off a motorcycle in slomo and i saw hilarie’s jaw on the floor. she had no idea who he was (x)

fan: fav backstage moment from cons jdm: when i told everyone i was having a daughter bc i wasnt supposed to  (x)

jensen: when we announced the end of spn and at SDCC there were 7000 people and i told jared “take this in. this is it”  (x)

*everyone arguing over an answer* jensen; glad we figured that out. great job jdm: im still confused (x)

jensen got in trouble for sharing info abt a project last con so he will not be saying ANYTHING (x)

fan; SOLDIER BOY COMING BACK? jensen: uh…….no comment  (x)

theyre talking about their daughters jdm: mine will be the death of me jensen: one will be the death of me and the other will take care of me jdm; mine will be twerking over my grave jensen: HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW DADDY  (x)

.@JDMorgan : the year I did #Supernatural and Grey's Anatomy changed my life #SPNNJ (x)

.@JensenAckles getting the part of Tony in West Side Story in high school was life changing - after his baseball coach talked him into doing it. (x)

(x)

the drama teacher at Jensen’s school wanted him to be in the spring musical and his baseball coach was like “you’ve played with me for three years. go give this a shot i promise we’ll be in the front row”  (x)  a talent scout was at the play and told jensen that he had it and he should come to LA and he went “lol take a hike” (x)  THE ROLE WAS TONY IN WEST SIDE STORY!!! and his whole baseball team was like “woah ” (x)

jensen: getting into the industry is harder now that it was back then jdm: i dont even know how to get an agent now jensen: yeah dont ask us for advice  (x)

Question: Jensen, what was your favorite thing about soldier boy? JDM: the codpiece. *crowd laughs* JDM: sorry, I thought you were asking me.  (x)

the boots soldier boy wore on the show are the same ones that dean wore on spn. they’re called carolinas  (x)

jensen: jdm texted me when i was getting fitted and he was immediately like “SHOW ME THE COD PIECE” and i was like “perfect timing i have five of them lined up which one” AND JDM SAID “PICK THE BIGGEST ONE” (x)

fan; nash was amazing. is there hope for touring in the future for radio co? jensen: thanks it took a lot of drugs jdm: he’s not lying  (x)

jensen: touring might be aggressive but anything is on the table  (x)

jdm: i watched it online and i remember texting you being like “what the fuck is going on that was amazing” (x)

jensen looked at steve and said “this is a bad idea we should leave” right before going on bc louden swain KILLED and they didnt wanna follow that  (x)

.@JensenAckles : even tho it was a vengeful mission, John set out to right a wrong. In The Winchesters we wanted to show John before that trauma.  (x)

jensen says the pilot of spn “holds up today”  (x)

fan: whats your fav format to play in (movies, tv, voice acting, etc) jdm; whatever has the best writing. we knew supernatural was going to be good by the first ep (x)

jensen turns towards tv bc he doesnt know where it’ll go and where it will end (x)

jensen: ive done soap operas and that was 20-24 pages of dialogue a day (x)

APPARENTLY ONE TIME JENSEN TAPED JEFF’S DIALOGUE TO HIS CHEST AND HE WAS LIKE “WE GOTTA GET THROUGH THE DAY LOOK AT MY TITS”  (x)

JENSEN TALKING ABOUT FRIENDS AND HE YELLS “PIVOT” (x)

jensen: i heard “anyway you want it” in the car and almost got out before the second chorus hit bc i thought i was late for stage (x)

fan: go to karaoke song? jensen: have u ever done karaoke? jdm: never in my life. i think you asked me once and i said “goodnight 👋🏻 ” jensen: right but it was more like “goodnight 🖕🏻  (x)

(x)

[so2uv]

@ so2uv's sappy time.

end of the year. ive survived and that's scary but you know what? it'll be fine. we'll all be fine and im promising that; whether it be this year, the next, or far in the future, we'll be ok :)) it's stupid how this platform, one that my friends teased me for using, left such an impact on me as a person.

AKA. MY END OF YEAR MUTUAL APPRECIATION POST. (warning: these got long and sort emotional for me to write. well, as emotional as i can get fjkdhgkjfd. sorry if my coherence gets lost later on. forgive me if you weren't mentioned specifically for something; i have more mutuals that expected. it's genuinely surprising.)

if you weren't mentioned specifically, there's still a note for you at the bottom. sorry for making you scroll for long to find it :'DD

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @tiredsleep . . . the mutual who has stuck through it all. oh tired. tired, tired, tired. i think im a little stupid for how happy i get when you like a post or send an ask or keyboard smash in my reblogs. a lot of what i said in my long ask to you a while back is what im trying to convey now. the way we met wasn't through much special; i followed you and eventually you followed back. it was slow going in the ways we interacted but the nicest things take time and im so glad we're the way we are now. we're strangers, two little guys on the internet, and i think it's beautiful how we have this. you're an amazing writer, an all around amazing creator of the worlds you build and the characters you create. i don't think you realized how envious i used to be of you; you made it seem like it was easy enough for you to connect with others, your writing was something id never achieve with mine, it was flat out jealousy. it was my fault we were distant to begin with. i soon figured out that praise was correct: you are among the most wonderful people ive had the pleasure of knowing and talking to you, even if it's just through a screen. there's so much more for me to say that i constantly struggle to put into the correct words to get the point across. just know that you have great things out there for you. have a great new year, tired. we'll make it. im so proud of you.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @aelatus . . . the last standing mutual of all my og (close) mutuals. hello atlas! im not sure if you'll ever see this on tumblr since i know you don't log on much but you've been my mutual through three blog changes now; was there for my xstar-kidx era and kozmiixs stage. we've been through shit together, had banter about grammarly together, lost certain mutuals together, have changed blogs, changed themes, switched fandoms, fell out of love with fandoms. it's been a wild couple of years, huh? im so thankful we've met and got close in the ways that we did and that we're able to call each others close. your birthday is soon so in the case that i forget to say this on discord: happy birthday, the xiao to my albedo. live a life of freedom and joy, my love /p.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @izukxnnie . . . hara :((( i don't think you'll ever come to read this message but that's alright; maybe it's for the better kdfgh. i know i sent you that long winded ask on your blog already but i miss talking and interacting with you, even with all my awkwardness. im still so regretful of that one time i sent a request to join your world but then you were busy and i didn't read your messages until later that day as in hours later bc i was at school and idk if i ever responded to them in the end. maybe i'll send you a message on discord later. maybe i won't bc i'll be too sentimental. i really hope you're doing more than well, that you're happy doing what you do.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @ay-asterisms . . . the mutual who introduced me to so many others. i really have you to thank for what i have now, ay. truly. you brought me deeper into the hq fandom and introduced me to jennie, atlas, and others. we don't talk much but i'll say what ive mentioned before, you remind me so much of the sun. but not as the bringer of life and the ball we see every morning; a sun in the sense that you're a star closer to earth but still a star, still out there where there are multiple. the difference is that you just happen to bring a warmth that others can't provide for ones nearby.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @cryo-locket / @lo-cinno . . . you. im not even sure how we became mutuals, and my memory is pretty good. we just spawned in each other's zones one day and went yeah, alright. honestly, ive never said this to anyone, but you were one of the reasons i decided to focus more heavily on chinese. our interactions reminded me of why i wanted to relearn the language for myself: for the social connections. i genuinely love talking to you and always find myself laughing at our conversations. mainly because our timezone dif is so odd so it's always late in the evening when im on. your ebg was so fun and with all the pain it brought / hj, im so happy to have been part of it. thank you for putting up with my 2 am rambles and crack, hope you found laugh or two with them.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @pr3tty-jennie . . . you intimidated me when we first met. i still remember it actually: you had that kamninari theme and the most recent post on your blog was about how you couldn't remember the word for chandelier in english but knew it in french. you've been through so much, endured so much, and i respect you so much. always have, always will. your life story and the past don't define who you show as a person and im so amazed by that part of you. have a good day, good week, good rest of your life pretty girl :DD

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @june-again . . . it's crazy, you know? crazy how far we've both drifted off from the original fandom that brought us together? but that's character development. speaking of that, ive gotten the absolute pleasure of seeing you grow as a person and go through the motions of life. it's always chill talking to you, jokes come easy hah! you're an amazing musician, june. amazing person, amazing at writing, amazing at music; you're outstanding so in the words of Freddy fazbear from security break, way to go superstar! i knew you could do it and i know you still can.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @junjiie . . . the seungmin to my minho, the other half of 2min, the self proclaimed jeno to my renjun (have yet to be a dreamzen my b :(() and the no. 1 solieber. i was serious when i said you're the reason my other blog exists; you've been the biggest hype person when it came down to me going out of my comfort zone and writing. i was so nervous going up to talk to you at first kjfdhgkj but now, you're just another silly guy in my phone screen :DD thank you for sending all your updates about life and putting up with mine even though they never get answered- seungmin to not only my minho, but hyunjin too, let's keep being #Silly, yeah?? it's already the actual new years day when you're receiving this so i hope the year is off to a good start.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @sohyuki . . . MINT im hoarding the ask that you sent me on christmas day. im always so happy when you've shown up on dash and while im sad about how you've let tumblr mainly behind, i know it's for the better since well, interactions have been shit and probably will never get back up to the standard we held them to, even with all the effort put in. you are such an amazing all around person and like i said in my christmas note to you, keep writing. hoard it, feed into it, you have something wonderful going on with it.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @kamiyatos . . . user kamiyatos!!! lee!!! HELLO!!! it's always such a pleasure to talk to you and i hope you know that i keep your ramble about malleus' character and your plot idea for him in the back of my mind constantly, even though that ask has been lost to my actions of deactivation on my old blog. you're the biggest ayato fan i know who supports my works about him vocally AND you understand my vision on his personality... it's truly touching, y'know? thank you for being there, even when we don't talk as much as we should. i hope this year has been kind on you and the next one is even kinder.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @yinyinggie . . . yingyingyingyingerkjshkjfdg ok this may come as a shock, or maybe you already knew and were just playing along, but we used to be mutuals before the summer of last year. secret identity revealed ig?? eh im sure if you dig far enough into my dark past™️ you'll find smth about it so im not going to say anything about it :P but! one thing has stayed the same for sure: you are so easy and so fun to talk to and make conversation with. you know that ramble i left on the astro twerk form about feedback for the server? yeah. im 100% truthful. you've made something so inclusive and positive, have done to much to get tumblr active, please know that your efforts aren't wasted. im sure they feel like it at times but i appreciate it so much. and im sure others have the same sentiment.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @mhiieee . . . MHIEEEEEEEE MY SCARA FAN !!!! i love and adore your works so much and not to mention your characterization of scaramouche is top tier. ive got a lot to learn from you, mhie; i don't think you realize how much there is to admire when it comes to you as a person. you find such meaning and connection in the words and the world, the sincerity that comes with it,,,,, it makes me want to sob and roll around while also simultaneously wanting to take your brain apart neuron by neuron and psychoanalyze you. not in the freudian way though. ive had the greatest honor of being able to interact with you on not just one, but two!!! servers!!! i think it's a little silly how much i smile when you reply to smth dumb ive said on disc. have a great new year :))

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @ryuryuryuyurboat . . . RYUUUUUU literally the most stunning person to walk the planet ever like. hello??? our first interactions came from that ebg funny enough. does a little ★🪽 anon ring a bell? i only ever got around to sending you one sabo during that time but i hope you did enjoy what i came up with on the spot, i never was very good when it came down to kaeya's character. you are so intelligent and such an amazing individual, please always remember that.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @snobwaffles / @2nobwaffles . . . SNOB SNOB SNOB i always think of the pokemon when your name comes up. in my head, you will always be snom, the bug-ice type pokemon <33 IT'S SO FUN TALKING TO YOU and we haven't been mutuals for long either. im always thinking of the advice you left me when it came down to my rant about an irls party and there's something about the way you're able to appreciate and take note and find beauty int he smallest of things that get brought up. i wish you the complete best that 2024 has to off you. keep calm and snob on :DD

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @itaerae & @mins-fins . . . im putting the two of you together because well, i met you both at the same time through the server. while i can't consider it and, ive never really had such an inviting time in a server, much less a network, as ive had in zumblr. really, it's you two that i owe thanks to. our silly little convos are so fun and im forever thankful that ive found people to talk to on a server for once.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @https-furina . . . the best server mother fr!!! omg it's so nice talking to you :((( i love the warmth of your words and how your emotions shine through text. it feels like i can practically envision the fond eyeball or the warm smile that you may or may not have on your face when messaging. i’ve had such a great time in the network and your pet names fjfbdjdbjdb have a great 2024 heh :DD

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @lethwal & @astrinityy . . . i don't think you guys realize how fun it was when we were all "debating" and accusing me of being a furry. honestly, i haven't had to stifle laughter like that in the middle of the night as hard as i did for a small while. not too long but long enough. it was a breath of fresh air and it was genuinely amazing to just be able to put the present on the back burner and play around like that. even though it was kind of late for me when that was happening- ignore that. it's always late for me when im online atp. i hope we can get past those baseless accusations you have both placed on me tehe. have a happy new years, you two. ALSO YIXIN!! GA-MING PROTECTION SQUAD RISEEEEE

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @/zumblr . . . there's so many of you and i can't find the proper words to express the welcome i felt when added to the server. it was nerve wracking, ive never really gotten around to talking to that many people or being that open on the internet before. it's funny how one summer can bring you out of your shell a little, eh? and all bc of some guys on screen lmao. thank you for the support and im happy to have met such wonderful people. thank you, again. @urielphix I AM. DETERMINED TO READ ADAD JUST YOU WAIT

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @ everyone else, all my mutuals as of now and past, who weren't mentioned or mutuals who want to read something again . . . hello!! im sorry to disappoint by not adding you properly and for not giving a personalized thanks; it wasn't anything against it you at all. reason 1) i probably forgot as um. goldfish brain or 2) we just became mutuals pretty recently and haven't had the chance to really talk much / have been sort of long term but haven't talked much.

either way though, thanks for sticking around! im not the most. literate person. sometimes LMAO and im far from being a proud person of skill when it comes to the right words to say to people but im always happy when people find something worth it in my silly words. i hope we get to interact more in the future, as long as you can put up with my inconsistent (to say the least) replies and brain boggling posts that come from the depths of the midnight zone, that is. get ready for the ride that is this. clusterfuck of a blog place. LMAO,,,, if you haven't already scrolled through my stuff. if you have then um ready for more??? fkdjhgkjlghf

if you've made it to the end, thank you. and why?? im not that interesting or cool as everyone makes me out to be. if you had told 2019 me on tumblr that 4 years later, id be posting my works for everyone to see and also be proud of my own poetry, i would have laughed and called you absolutely insane. some of you have sat through me going through different gender and pronoun crises on dash back in 2020, and some of you ive only met this month.

whatever our situation is, i wish all the best for everyone . i’ll support you guys until the end of the earth and then some. have the happiest of happy new years, may your futures always be brighter than you say they are, and i’ll see you later 💛

sincerely — sol / jun

[bunnakit]

last twilight e3 thoughts feelings etc

so in the past ive watched the episodes and digested them and come back and rewatched to put together my thoughts but im kinda crunched for time today and have a mountain of work to do sooo i'm just gonna do this in one sitting and i'm so sorry if it's not as good or as coherent as what i usually deliver aaa. it's also going to be a bit longer than normal probably but i'll try to cut down on stuff that seems unnecessary or maybe just too obvious to comment on.

OH ITS STILL REALLY LONG EVEN WITH EDITING I'M SO SORRY.

oh them being playful with each other is everything to me. oh my god and Mhok learned, he listened to Porjai and he learned to organize and clean and do things with Day as an active participant so he knows where everything is and is taking control of his own life. oh we're only 3 minutes in and i'm emotional, okay.

i do love that we get to see the way Day has isolated himself and that while his family haven't helped there's also a large part of it that is his doing. ive said it before but when you're newly disabled it can be so so easy to isolate yourself. hell, i've been diagnosed for almost 10 years and i still do it from time to time as my condition worsens because it's hard. there are so many questions you have to answer, there's the anxiety of not knowing if people are going to be accommodating to your needs, and sometimes it takes twice or even three times the energy it used to take before because every action is a little harder now. it can be terrifying to put yourself out there again and you will lose friends in the process. there will be people that don't understand, that find you to be an inconvenience, that won't make accommodations for you, and it will hurt every time but saying goodbye to those people is always ultimately for the better - but it doesn't make it hurt less. as much as i'd love the realism of it, i hope we don't have to see Day go through that.

Day's story about his friend is interesting, too. he says he doesn't want to be pitied by his friends but the thing is. they just did that, they accommodated their friend, and from the sound of it they did it without judgement. so why couldn't it be the same for him? it just shows more of his anxiety and his fear.

"i felt like my life was worthless. all i saw in people's eyes was insult."

screaming. crying. throwing up. i don't need to say anything about this but i thought you all should know it made me ill.

"once i'm ready you'll be the first to get my invitation card." Porjai and Mhok's friendship means so so fucking much to me.

here's the thing, my best friend and i dated in high school, we were 16 and fucking stupid and toxic and our home lives were shit and we took it out on each other and we made each other fucking miserable by the end of things. we didn't talk again for over five years. it took time to come back together, to heal and accept our own faults in what went wrong. we stumbled here and there as we came back together but now? almost 10 years later i don't know what i'd do without him. that's my platonic soulmate, that's the one person besides my husband i can share anything with. fuck, he knows more about my life than my husband does because he was there to see me at my worst, at the scariest point in my life where i almost wasn't around anymore to see tomorrow. that kind of friendship is so fucking special, i cannot even properly put it into words, and for Mhok to keep that? to have that with Porjai? i'm so fucking glad he has that. i'm so glad he got to keep his platonic soulmate.

small aside, i love that Mhok consistently announces himself to Day. it's a little action but it's so considerate. he's honestly doing such an incredible job.

Day puts his sunglasses on like armor; like they can shield him from the judging stares or looks of pity he can't see. maybe someday he won't need them, not because his heart has hardened to take the blows, but maybe because he knows Mhok is by his side. because remember - it's the way they look at us.

"i heard you wanted to take time off and focus on badminton" Night i'm going to drown you in your own toilet. this is just furthering my thoughts from episode 2 that Night is ashamed of his brother and his condition, or perhaps that the family is trying to hide his condition for some fucking stupid reason.

the bravery it took Day to come here and admit whats happening to his is huge, but i'm also in love with the admissions admin saying sure, you can have time off, but you're not allowed to quit. you're not allowed to give up on yourself.

"we must live with hope, Day" and that's it. you have to. you just have to. every day is going to be so hard and so much, you'll have good and bad days, but at least in all those days you'll have hope. and maybe someday that hope won't be for new eyes. maybe that hope will turn into acceptance, into determination, into pride at what you've accomplished in spite of it all. in my opinion, hope is an amazing fuel but it's not sustainable, it's just a vehicle to get you to where you need to be.

Mhok asking a blind man for a tour, oh fuck fuck fuckfuckufkcufk-- Mhok essentially saying show me your world exactly as you remember it, let me in. see how things have changed and how they've remained the same and do it with me by your side.

THE WAY MHOK SHIELDS HIM AT THE LIBRARY. DAY DOESN'T NEED TO WEAR HIS SUNGLASSES LIKE ARMOR BECAUSE MHOK IS BY HIS SIDE AS HIS SHIELD. chewing my own arm off brb.

"and you also have me. nothing to be afraid of" because i will always shield you, i will always protect you, i will stand by your side AAAA--

on part 3/4 now, i promise i'll shut the fuck up soon. if you've read this far pls take this as a smooch checkpoint, i'm giving you a little forehead smooch. have you had any water today? taken your meds? relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

ok back to it - Mhok continuously having Day make his own selections in these various machines. Day's fate is in his hands, he can do these things himself, but Mhok will be there with him the whole way.

"my eyes don't work well but my legs do just fine." this is such a massive leap from the man that wouldn't even leave his bedroom, from the man that was suffocating in his environment. Day is no longer a dying man, a shambling corpse. he is an active participant in his own life again.

"stay close to me, that's all i need" bitch i'm gonna throw up, you can't just hit me with that after that's all i've been saying this whole time what the fuck.

OH FUCK ME. okay. alright. hang on. so when they enter the shop Mhok describes it to Day, explains where the jeans are, where the shirts are, asks him what to do and what he wants to take a look at. this is a direct antithesis of Night in episode 1 asking where Day was going to wait for him, where he could leave him so he could get his shit done. Day isn't being asked to wait, to just sit idle while life passes him by, he's being asked what he wants to do, where he wants to go, what he wants to see. FUUUUUCK. and knowing Mhok is doing this because Day expressed that he liked dressing nicely? how the fuck am i supposed to just go to my job like a normal person after this episode.

wow the shirt buttoning scene just made me so mentally ill. right now, Mhok is doing his job. he's helping Day get dressed. but someday? someday this could be Mhok dressing Day not because he needs him to help but simply because Mhok likes doing to for Day. there's the sensuality of caring for your partner, of running your hands over the planes of their shoulders, of skimming your fingers down their chest to pluck every button. it's an exploration and a declaration of love. if we get this again in a future scene and it's something like that please remember me fondly because i will perish.

at the bookstore Mhok recognizing Day doesn't want to wait, but Day has become so accustomed to the other people in his life telling him what to do that he falls back into that behavior - but Mhok doesn't let him. he prioritizes Day's needs and desires, even if it's something as little as finding a book, without being asked.

THE LAST PAGE IS MISSING.

(because one can't see his future and the other can't see in the future, but also because they'll make their own ending, they'll face that when they get there, but they'll do it together -- what if i lost my shit completely of it?)

when Mhok leaves Day to get him a drink the camera is focused on Day and the clear warring emotions on his face but if you look in the background Mhok hesitates, he stops and turns a few times to look at day. he's reluctant to leave him and worried. Mhok worries so much but it's always so understated or in the background, covered by the emotions of others he values above himself. (or overlooked because of 'what type of person he is')

while its anxiety inducing i do enjoy this regression of behavior because adapting to a new life is hard. you will regress, you will stumble, you will fall into old habits or sometimes old fears will return. its what you do after that that is important. the one thing i hope doesn't happen is i hope this doesn't cause a rift with Porjai. i think Mhok needs her right now, maybe not forever, but definitely right now.

HE PUT ON THE FUCKING SHIRT. THE FUCKING SHIRT DAY COULD SEE FROM MARS. OH MY GOD. i know this doesn't need to be commented on, i know it's obvious, but FUUUUCK.

Day's mom trying to weaponize Mhok's past and Mhok taking the ammunition from her hands and telling Day himself. the acceptance of the past and the determination to move on and grow from it. Day's refusal to let the past repeat itself with a new caretaker. whoo boy.

and again Day wants to see Mhok, because even bruised and battered Mhok is worth seeing.

if the last episode ends with "sweet dreams/good night" i will be burying myself alive, thanks.

THE PINK SHIRT RUINING HIS BAD BOY IMAGE BECAUSE IT IS BEING RUINED. HE'S MOVING ON, HE'S GROWING, HE'S BECOMING A NEW PERSON. FUCK OFF.

i'm so so sorry this was so long, every episode makes me feel more and more things and makes me analyze shit more and more.

tagging @benkaaoi and @callipigio as requested (if you want to be added to my last twilight meta tag list just let me know!)

[itsaspectrumcomic]

this is kind of a vent and a bit of a silly rambled story (ooo story time! but feel free to ignore it if you want it wont bother me)

so i have been researching autism and adhd for roughly a year and a half now and its kinda become a special interest of mine (wild i know lmao) and its actually how i got my adhd diangosis! funnily enough the therapist who diagnosed me for adhd and evaluated me for asd was biased and had no knowledge about adhd or autism... :-] pained smile

(im afab and my sibling is amab and the comparisons between our assesments is insane. they got assesed easily but for me, the therapist was reluctant and judgemental. a great start i know /sarc)

anyway the therapist told me that i couldnt be autistic because even though i scored high, the test my PARENTS filled out for my childhood was very low. i wasnt even asked about my childhood experiences when it came back with a low score. i was just brushed off and told that it was only my adhd and that if i WAS autistic (which im not, according to her) that i would be "high functioning" and that "high functioning" people arent actually autistic. not word for word because i was half listening in shock but the general idea is still there. i have no clue how i even went to this woman tbh.

i have since made a list and included evidence for all the traits ive had since infancy but my parents 100% took the therapists word and are now completely convinced that there is zero chance that i can be on the autism spectrum. fun fact i think theyre both on the spectrum as well and ive talked to my sibling about it too. its wild lol

the thing is i keep going back and forth between denial and acceptance thinking i may be on the spectrum and ive had plenty of friends both professionally and self diagnosed tell me that i am on the spectrum but i cant help but accidentally find ways to invalidate myself and my experiences. i dont know if its worth it to get a professional diagnosis or to just exist as self diagnosed because they both have strong pros and cons. its all very confusing but i can wait 2 years until im a legal adult so i can at least try to get an assesment from a therapist who actually understands autism

i apologize for being so long winded and for any gramatical/spelling errors but i just wanted to thank you for making this blog in general. it feels very validating despite what other people and my negative thoughts try to say about my brain :-] i hope youre doing well !!

'"high functioning" people arent actually autistic'

UGH I hate that so much. I'm not really a fan of the the terms 'high functioning' and 'low functioning' anyway because it doesn't cover how autistic people can be really good at some things and struggle a lot with other things (also known as having a 'spiky profile') and just 'high' or 'low' doesn't properly take that into account, and then there's the whole questionable use of 'functioning' but that's a whole other discussion....

I'm sorry your parents aren't listening. Since autism can be genetic, it's fairly likely they are also on the spectrum and never noticed the traits when you were growing up because it all seemed normal to them.

It's a very personal decision whether or not to try for an official diagnosis, but whatever you decide is valid! The important thing is gaining self-acceptance and learning what works for you. Good luck and I'm so glad you're enjoying this blog :)

[malka-lisitsa]

its my birthday

I dont usually celebrate my birthday, im not a huge fan of it, but-

I wanted to say that (now that this blog is a year or so old now its also my blogs birthday give or take a few days) the greatest gift ive gotten has been all of you. My followers and the people who have stuck by me from the beginning and also new comers who have supported me especially in the rough patches.

You guys make me happy, and while i am known for being competitive, first and foremost my follower count has always been important to me bc its the number of people who want to see me on their dash. It means a lot to me, and there is a lot of you. So I wanted to take a second and thank every single one of my followers, even if we aren't mutuals- you mean something to me. A lot to me actually.

So thank you, for being here, sticking around, and picking me.

I am eternally grateful for your presence.

She wont say it because shes being a moody brat right now, but Katherine is also glad youre all here.

The greatest gift i have ever recived is all of you.

So if you follow me and you read this, I am definitely talking about you.

[zukosdualdao]

Im glad to read the takes of a fellow zuko stan :)

Honestly, it feels like people just hate on him way too much lately. The posts ive seen on twitter, on tik tok, on tumblr... Do people just not like him anymore? Why did everyone turn against him so suddenly? I've been hoping it's something temporary, just a trend, but. I don't know anymore. People mock his disability, spit on his trauma, wish death on him and interpret everything he says or does in the worst possible way. I saw someone crying about how entitled he was because he took aang's seat when watching the play just the other day lmao. Another person wrote about how mysoginistic he was because he didn't remember katara's name when asking about kya's death to sokka? There are those who even call him a colonizer on the same level as iroh lmao. It seems their justifications for all the salt they throw his way are along the lines of "he's been loved for too long, aang stans have suffered way more, people just watched the show again and realized how bad he actually was, he's catching strays since his fans keep setting him up, his fans paint him as perfect and erase every bad thing he's done" etc etc. I'm all for criticism and deeper character analysis, but this is just said in bad faith. I also think it has a bit to do with how different engagement has become in fandom spaces recently (things people support in fiction need to be morally correct) and well, zuko was the perfect target. He's done bad things, sides with the villains for a good portion of the series, redeems himself but there are things he still has to work on... I don't know, it's been getting to me. There are many other harsh things ive read said about him (like implying how every single member of the gaang hates even after redeeming himself), but i honestly don't have the energy to delve into each and every one. His arc was poorly executed and his development was badly written now, apparently. I kind of just ranted here, i apologize. Im very happy to read the posts of someone who genuinely likes him and doesnt throw him under the bus to defend or elevate other characters...

hi! i'm glad you're enjoying my blog <3 and no need to apologize for the rant, i'm always happy to talk about zuko!

about to theorize a bit as to why it seems like maybe zuko has become a more contentious character, but it should be noted i have not been exceptionally, actively involved in the fandom very long. i loved atla as a kid, have retained fond memories, have witnessed some discourse from the fringes over the years, but only recently has it overtaken my brain to the point of making a whole blog about it. lol. so, like, grain of salt, etc.

i think a big part of it is what you said - in the last few years of fandom in particular, it feels like there has been a huge upswing in purity culture, moralizing liking/not liking certain ships or characters, and an overall increase in very black-and-white thinking. there's also an emphasis on "holding people accountable" (good in theory), often without specifying what, exactly, that looks like (less good). the idea then becomes that if you've done harmful things, there's no way you can ever make up for them and should just, like, hate yourself for all eternity and also die, probably, which is not actually helpful to anyone.

so, i think for those who ascribe to that mindset, zuko is a prime candidate for them to criticize. and while there's nothing wrong with criticizing a character or their arc or writing if you truly have a problem with it, as you've said, a lot of the time, criticisms against zuko don't seem to be made in very good faith. after all, a big part of zuko's arc is having to unlearn some very black-and-white thinking. also, zuko is not a real person. he is a character, and therefore a narrative tool, and if we want him to be 'held accountable', we need look no further than the story itself, in which he is probably the character the narrative holds the most accountable for his actions due to his prior status as a villain.

(it reminds me a bit, actually, of another favorite character of mine: alec in the tv series shadowhunters. he starts out the story already in a heroic role, unlike zuko, but a big part of his narrative is unlearning some prejudiced cultural mindsets and challenging not only his previous ideologies, but his conception of himself and the people in his life as well. as a result, alec can look sometimes more obviously flawed than the other main cast, but the point is that the narrative asks him to examine those flaws and change and introspect and grow in a way that it doesn't always ask of other characters when they are showcasing their own flaws. which does make me thing about zuko vs. aang in the atla narrative.)

the other thing i think is contributing to zuko's more contentious status in the fandom is how long atla's been in the cultural consciousness, and how common it is for things that used to be popular to cycle through to people starting to criticize or actively hate it to people saying "no, actually, it's still pretty good, you just don't want to like a popular thing" (this is me rn), to maybe eventually getting popular again/at least in certain subsects of the audience. zuko was probably one of the most talked-about aspects of atla for a long time, and while i can understand how that could get frustrating (because there are some other really great characters and aspects of the story!), that's not, like, for no reason. people connected with and admired his story for a reason, and many still do, and (in my humble opinion) that is because it is one of the most thought-out, intentional, and nuanced character arcs of the show.

the ableism, i think, really gets to me because like... even if every criticism from the people who hate him were 100% accurate and said in good faith (they're not, but let's pretend for a minute)... that still wouldn't be an excuse for ableism against a character with a prominent facial difference (or making fun of abuse survivors for the permanent injuries they sustain from abuse.) if zuko had never redeemed himself and stayed a villain, it would still be wrong to talk about his scar and abuse the way some of his detractors do. and the show agrees with me! you know how i know? the only two characters to ever make fun of zuko's scar are villains in the narrative: zhao and azula. ("make fun of" might not be quite right for zhao, since what he said - "you have the scar to prove it" - is far more matter-of-fact than azula imitating him by covering her eye or "make sure they get your good side", but he's absolutely being a huge jerk about it.) other characters react to zuko's scar in all sorts of different ways, even when he's still in a villain/antagonist/anti-hero role: zuko's crew is horrified to learn how he got the scar, song sees a point of connection and tries to reach out to him, but, while i think well-intentioned, she breaks a major boundary by trying to touch his scar when he hasn't conveyed he's okay with that, jet makes assumptions about his background because of it, lee, the kid from zuko alone, asks with curious, childish naivete how he got it, only for his father to reprimand him for asking, aang reacts with annoyance/boredom to azula's ableist joke, and katara trips over her words to correct him when zuko thinks she's essentially calling him "scary to look at". not all of these interactions are positive, but the characters (all of whom are written as pretty sympathetic, even if also flawed) aren't outright trying to make fun of him for it, and the narrative never implies he deserves to be treated as less than because of it, even before his redemption.

anyway. if people don't believe in characters' (and, hell, irl people's) capacity for growth and change and don't want to have nuanced discussions about how trauma can impact these things, i mean... that's their prerogative, but i don't understand why they enjoy the show, because those are big parts of it (and not just wrt zuko.)

i know it can be frustrating, anon— trust me, i get very frustrated. but i promise you, there are plenty of people out there who a) still love zuko and his story and b) are capable of and willing to talk about things with nuance and in good faith. i'm happy to be part of that corner of fandom, and i bet you can manage to carve out a space where more people like that exist, too! <3

[raccoonfallsharder]

When I saw the first guardians film in middle school, my love of our favorite raccoon began. Finding a community of Rocket lovers after keeping it silently inside for so long is special (in a way I can't articulate without sounding goofy bc it's an anthropomorphic raccoon we're talking about here). I graduate from college this weekend and want to thank you for your stories getting me through hard times and motivationless days. It's given me a knew way to enjoy the movies I've watched so many times :) What was the media that got you super into Rocket and inspired your fiction writing? Much love!!

first and foremost, i want to congratulate you. school is not easy, and i swear it gets harder and feels more high-pressure/high-stakes every year. i hope that your time at college has given you more learning experiences than all-nighters, more opportunities than stressors, and more joy than hardship. and i hope that you are able to take everything you’ve earned and enjoy your freedom from university surrounded by good people, with plenty of time and resources to do the things you love. if you haven’t yet, please take time to sit and breathe and really soak up the fact that you did this. be proud of yourself. you fucken deserve it.

secondly, i read this while walking to the parking garage at 11pm after helping at an event for my college students (i work at a university) and i had to sit in my car and wait till i stopped tearing up so i could drive home. this truly made me so happy and im so glad my silly stories made things even just a little easier for you. ♡

so, my falling in love with rocket was a process. (cue me narrating this for three paragraphs like a schoolgirl with her first crush)

when we first saw rocket’s back in gotg1 i was like, oh. he’s in so much pain. between that + his fucken sarcasm, i complained afterward that the movie would’ve been so much better if he was the main character (lol). i started lazily dabbling in comics content then. i hadn’t been big into marvel comics before (more of a dc/image comics kid) but rocket and groot were becoming my faves. i loved gotg2. so much more focus on rocket, and yondu’s arc had me bawling like a baby. gotg2 made me like gotg1 more, which is part of how i judge the quality of a narrative series tbh (and why i think series are so hard to make). when the first gotg3 trailer came out and it was clear this was rocket’s story, i was obsessed. i didnt watch any additional trailers or read any more comics — rare for me. i wanted to go in completely blank. then i went back to the theatre to rewatch it three additional times (i have never before gone to see a movie more than once in the theatre). i was like… almost bursting with love for this stupid raccoon at this point.

then i got around to reading his grounded comic arc, and it was like — the dam burst. i hadn’t written fanfiction since 2017ish, and hadn’t been on tumblr since 2016, but i was like — i have to write about this fucken raccoon. i need to take care of him lol.

so when you ask what media - i guess all of it? in increments? because of course now ive watched most of his various cartoon incarnations, read probably 70% of the comics content, halfway through a stream of the 2021 game, have one of the novels (sitting on the tbr pile) and frankly the love just continues to grow.

now that ive taken up thirty-two years of your life, i just want to say im so glad you found this fandom and this community. he may be an anthropomorphic raccoon but he’s meaningful to people, in so many ways. im so very very glad that he could be that for you, and that you’re here.

congrats again, nonnie. i hope post-graduation life rewards you with supportive people who love and understand you, with joyful new experiences, good health, and everything you need to live happily and fully.