#ive been over this goal for a while but 1) i had to draw it and 2) the summoning did put me slightly behind until a day or so ago | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

forffax · 10 months ago

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returning the favor with oc asks since i always wanna hear about yours !! if you had to pick like your top 5 favorite characters who would they be and why 👀 bonus if you want to pick your favorite like settings/worlds/universes youve made for ocs too!

OOOUH thank u chase!!!

I'm gonna list out my favs then talk abt my main oc universe a bit ^_^

This got ridiculously long so it's going under a readmore <3

1. Tos Family (sorry this is going to be. the whole family bc I cannot possibly choose between them)

i. Lux Tos (he/him)

(realizing now i haven't drawn him in a hot fuckin minute)

MY DAD. guy of all time ever. everyone's favorite half-human time traveling alien war vet. it always feels weird referring 2 him as part alien even if it's technically true sdjfgs. fun lore fact: he was the Dead Older Brother in original iteration Zephyr's Sad Backstory but I liked him too much so I decided he got to live <3

Lux is one of my older ocs that I still actively draw and think abt (late middle school...) and he's changed a LOT over the years but he's so so so dear to me. my guy who has Seen the Horrors and is now happily gay married with a kid :') sdfkjsk most things abt his story is just me being So Incredibly Self Indulgent (cool powers, complicated sibling relationships, gay) but it makes me happy and I love sharing it with ppl! Someday Voided 2 will be real and ready to share with the world...

ii. Ferdinand Tos (he/him)

Dad....2!!!!!! I don't remember when exactly I thought him up but it was probably around when Lux's backstory was getting a major overhaul... He's a man out of time he's training to be a doctor and his will to live is so strong he spent the better part of nearly two decades building himself a new body! Guys who died but got better <3. I think I literally got brain blasted one day and decided he's a non-op trans man and it was the best thing ever for him actually. He's a southern californian stuck in the cold northwest (probably. either that or the northeast im not settled on that aspect yet skdjfs). He's been super fun to write from a worldbuilding perspective too bc his main goal is to pioneer a new branch of medicine using his powers! His relationship with Lux and the rest of the family (and his reconciliation with his sister) is sooooo important 2 me :]

iii. Athanasius Tos (she/her)

THANAAAAA most normal sibling (lie). She was adopted formally right after Lux "died" and had a bit of a complex about just being a "replacement" for a good while, and she THOUGHT she had worked through that when Lux suddenly re-appeared... they're on great terms now but it was Tense. She's a biochemist and probably makes the most out of the household (she shares an apartment with Zeph!) It's very important 2 me that she can let herself be vulnerable with her family and close friends after years of bottling everything up... Epic nerdy autistic butches in your area <3 Fun fact she is the only full human of the main cast!

iv. Zephyr Tos (she/him)

My fuckign auncle. Within the story she only recently realized he was bigender and is much happier for it, even if you couldn't tell by her permanent scowl skjdfgs. Zeph was the original protag (along with Thana) of the short story I wrote in middle school that turned into Voided 2! In-universe he was very clearly supposed to be the protag but missed/ignored the "call to action" phase and just got a shitton of Issues and Traumas instead <3 She's so everything 2 me he's a freelance writer/artist she's kinda cringe and he is trying only as hard as she absolutely needs to in order to get by. While his relationship with Lux is MUCH better than it was when Lux first came back, she's completely inseparable from Thana and would do anything for her (I feel like they spent equal times protecting each other from bullies as kids...) He's changed so much from her original incarnation but developing him has been SO much fun <3 Since Voided 2 runs on real-world time (in that I have specific real-world dates for most major events) she turned 50 fairly recently and that's fucked but also funny. old.

v. Alan Tos (any)

Alan! Love this kiddo. He's Lux and Ferdinand's adoptive kid! Xe doesn't learn about it for a while but she was a government secret experiment test-tube baby (they were trying to artificially fuse souls together, distantly related to the later Child Soldier School ze was placed into) (kid cannot catch a break). He's a good kid, if not a little clueless and naive... someone who would hold no ill-will if you had to cut their leg off (this is not a hypothetical GJSKDS). Somehow, despite all this, she is by far the most Normal out of xer family <3 His fashion sense is some kind of spectrum between 60s businesswoman and scene and tbh? Very fun to draw! Her friends and family are very very dear to them and at the moment xe's just kind of letting life take zem wherever.

2. Vague (it/they)

unauthorized fucking thing kill it with hammers NOW!!!!!

Vague started as I think just a proxy for myself in vent art I drew in like early high school sdhjfgds they have since become. something. my mascot I guess? (I still end up using it for vent art sometimes bc it's functionally unkillable and it's fun 2 get narsty sometimes.)

originally it was just the weird cat-shaped angel thing but a couple years ago I gave them a human design that I really love too <3 vague technically has a place in Niko and my other cat furry ocs' story but their human form exists in the real world and is just Like That i think. vague is just a little guy okay? they're sorry about crying and bleeding all over the place (not bc it sees any issue with this they just noticed you looked upsetskjdfhs)

3. Niko (he/they)

Baby's first fursona! Niko was always mostly his own character but now that I have new This is Just Me sona(s), they've been officially retired from that front <3 Niko's story is mostly planned out, I just desperately need to write it somewhere skjdbfs but the gist is that Niko works a shitty minimum wage call center job and finds meaning and love through forming a band with people he happens to meet... also there's some whistleblowing and betrayal and vague slams down out of the sky at some point <3 Niko's band doesn't have a name but they're the lead vocalist! (Niko 🤝 Blue (is blue and sings in their band)) This is a universe where everyone is cat furries simply bc I wanted to design lots of cat furries but also I haven't drawn like half of his bandmates/friends.... orz

Fun fact I found my original doodles of him in an old math notebook and apparently I seriously considered the name "chandler" for them. Help,

4. Larkspur (they/them)

Laaark my friend lark :] they're my player character for a friend's tabletop campaign! *hands you a bug* *hands you a bug* *hands-

Their design was super fun to come up with and they're fun to play as :] They were raised on a farm and have a deep love for animals (insects in particular), but they have a hard time connecting with others and understanding why people act the way they do.. They wear an eyepatch to cover their multiple other eyes bc it gives them bad sensory overload to see with them! They also spent quite a bit of time as a bounty hunter before they were blacklisted from further work bc they let a target escape on purpose... Lark is a ranger/bard and they play the hurdy-gurdy! They're dear to me and I really need to draw them more sjdfhgs

5. Chungy Fresh (she/he/they)

Chungy my belungy.... she's a mimic who spent most of his life being a chest in the temple of a forgotten goddess until they gained sentience and saw a fursuit from far away and decided yep! I'm gonna look like that Now <3 She didn't get all the details right but he's never been happier! I think Chungy spawned from me drawing a weird fox thing and simultaneously thinking "hey wouldn't it be funny if a character had a verbal text/forum signature and it was also their name" skdjfgjskdfls. Chungy is def up there with "most fun ocs of mine to draw" bc she's so Noodly and Malleable... I started playing as him in a friend group's tabletop oneshot thingy (where multiple ppl write different unrelated oneshots but we use the same characters for each session) and it has been a lot of fun!

OKAY OC UNIVERSE TIME. I call my main oc story "Voided 2" bc it takes place in the same universe as my v personal self insert oc story "Voided" that I have been working on/writing/thinking abt since late middle school... It's kinda vaguely modern fantasy/sci-fi? Main things are that there are beings born at the beginning of the universe made of pure energy called Lunoirs. There are countless universes, and each universe has Lunoirs in some capacity. They mainly exist to "keep the balance," but if you ask any specific Lunoir what that means you'll get a million different answers. Mainly they gravitate towards any life within their universe and integrate with them, observing them and protecting them from Shadows and Vacares. Shadows are the unliving souls that will eventually be reborn and reformed into a living soul inside any given universe-- they exist in the space between universes, called the Void. the Void looks different to any being that crosses into it, and it's hard to say what its "true" nature is. Vacares are Lunoirs that have had their souls corrupted and eaten, usually by other Vacares. While Shadows, being amalgamations of soul energy, are strictly neutral, Vacares seek to cause chaos and eat more Lunoir souls, increasing their numbers in a vain attempt to satisfy their endless hunger.

The Lunoir population on Earth is fairly numerous, and since Lunoirs can take on whatever form they choose, many of them live and love and have children with humans, making partial-lunoir children (physically they are nearly indistinguishable from full humans, save for longer lifespans, odd hair and eye colors, and sharper teeth. also they have semi-physical wings, but these have to be manually brought out and often ppl don't even know they have them (*cough* zephyr *cough*)

Lunoirs aren't fully immortal, but they have a different life cycle to most other forms of life. When a non-lunoir dies, their soul disintegrates and is amalgamated with the souls of others in the Void to become Shadows. When a Lunoir dies (outside of having their soul completely corrupted/destroyed), they instead go into a sort of stasis and are reborn later; they have no memories of their previous life (the ones on Earth don't, at least) and they can take on wildly different appearances.

Lunoirs and partial Lunoirs have powers in the form of energy manipulation, particularly when it comes to the energy of their own souls... They can use their souls to form weapons, mainly to fight against Vacares that tend to be immune to physical weapons. Most people have one weapon that they specialize in, but in a pinch nearly everyone can form a knife. Humans can manipulate their own soul energy in this way too, but this ability must be taught/"unlocked" by a Lunoir or a partial Lunoir first (Zephyr, at some point, did this for Thana without either of them realizing it). Lunoirs can also manipulate the energy of the very universe to create Rifts in time and space, sometimes leading between separate universes... These rifts also open of their own accord from time to time, and there's a good number of people who have been displaced from their time or even their universe by unwittingly falling into one.

Every living being has a "soul" (a collection of their life energy), and through a kind of "reaching out," one can feel/taste/smell/hear/see another's soul... every soul is a bit different, so this is an easy way to identify people even from a distance!

The Earth Lunoirs once had a country where they congregated called Saluria, which was the site of a brutal multi-year war against an army of Vacares that wanted reign over Earth... Many Lunoirs and partial Lunoirs across all of Earth's history felt drawn to Saluria, often willingly or unwillingly being rifted to the time of the war to go fight in it... Some partial Lunoirs especially believed it was their sacred duty, while others believed it was a curse leading them to inevitable death... there's even whispers that Saluria itself is alive, luring in young partial and full Lunoirs out of self-preservation.. who's to say. Ultimately, the Salurian War was a victory, but not an easy one.

Lux and Zephyr are half Lunoirs (their mom being full), and Ferdinand is 3/4ths Lunoir! Alan is a bit of a weird case but functionally he's also half Lunoir :]

This is v much simplifying Years of worldbuilding ssjhdfgjks and I can FEEL I missed a bunch of stuff but it's all very very dear 2 me :]

#THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE ASK SORRY THIS IS LIKE A MILE LONG <3 #matoitech #my ocs #long post #if u (or anyone else) has any questions abt the Voided universe worldbuilding stuff feel free to ask i love going nuts abt it <3 #my art #txt #blood #eyestrain #<- mostly for the chungy pic sjdfhgs #ask games

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windwardstar · 2 years ago

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that one t post

Since there's some of y'all who showed interested, here's the big rundown of my experiences with T. This covers being on T for 3 month at 26, stopping it for a few years, then the first 9 months of being on T at 28. Contains the changes that have happened while I’ve been on T + the interactions with my other health conditions + the process of accessing care. It’s safe for work/reading in public as far as any puberty/medical body talk is. Word count is ~8k.

T round 1 (2019 - I was 26)

If you followed me back in 2019, you might recall me getting on T at the end of that year.

I didn’t have a PCP and was in a very conservative state which made me concerned about finding a trans friendly provider, so I decided to go through Planned Parenthood knowing it was informed consent. The PP that had a gender clinic and was open on my day off was on the other side of the state/2 hour drive one way. But also, when I went to book an appointment they had one for the same week/the next day so I didn’t have to wait. I had insurance through my work that partially covered the visit, the lab work, and the prescriptions. This was out of network for my insurance so I paid more than if it was in network. My local pharmacy was the Sam’s Club which has $4 prescriptions for members- which is what I ended up paying as it was significantly cheaper than my insurance co-pay. (I did not get a prescription for a sharps container and bought one from the local store.) I got my supplies in 3 month batches and didn’t have any issues with the pharmacy.

At the appointment, I was given a big packet of “side effects” (aka the desired results) it included a handy chart of when certain changes would likely happen. My provider went over it with me to make sure I knew what to expect, and asked me a couple questions about my gender identity and transition goals to get a feel for me and make sure this was what I wanted. I was completely out at work and socially. I had very recently moved out of an abusive homelife and was catching my feet mental health wise, but I was in therapy at the time and on medications that had been as a consistent dose for about a year (aka: mental health problems were well controlled), so the doctor was comfortable prescribing me T. We decided to try weekly injections first to limit potential high/lows on a longer dose cycle.

The Labs for this provider were Initial Labs, 3 Months, 6 Months, Then Yearly. My 3 Month Labs hit right at the start of Covid Lockdown, I wasn’t able to get in for them (perpetually overlapping quarantines at work yo), the shift to telehealth hadn’t happened, and then I ran out of my psych meds (antidepressant and an antipsychotic/mood stabilizer) so my executive functioning skills went bye-bye for a while. So I couldn’t get my prescription renewed and had to stop T after like 3 months.

I took Testosterone Cypionate (0.25 ML, 0.50 MG) by Intramuscular (IM) Injections in my thigh once a week. The syringes had a twist on/off for the needles themselves (bigger one for the drawing up, smaller for the injection). They hurt a lot for me. I’d get a bruise around the injection site and the muscle would be very sore for 2-3 days after and hurt when I walked or used the muscle. It wasn’t enough to make me want to stop, but it wasn’t pleasant.

(Because of the long drive, the doctor didn’t have me come back for the first shot, just confirmed I was comfortable administering it myself and knew the process. She said if I ran into problems there were youtube videos I could look at or I could call.)

I did have issues with my needle phobia, but before getting to the part of actually seeking out access to T, I’d done a lot of work to manage it. The few years prior to starting T, I’d had to get a lot of blood drawn for lab work, several IVs, and quite a few vaccines which had helped me calm down so I was no longer having panic attacks around needles. The biggest thing that helped though was mental work and visualization. I started out just contemplating the concept of T injections in the abstract, then read posts with people talking about injections, looked at visuals of needles/syringes and people administering them. The last step was then thinking about giving myself injections and visualizing it. The whole time I tried to associate it with all the positive things I’d hoped to get from T and reminding myself the injections/ivs/blood draws of the previous years had all been perfectly fine and my anxiety was not reflecting what actually happened. (I also got a tattoo a month or so before I started T and after the initial anxiety I was mostly just fascinated by watching the tattoo gun, which was what really made me think I could do the T injections.) It took a long time to get to that point. When I started, I was only able to think about needles for a few seconds at a time. But I was able to give myself my first T shot with only a little anxiety (my hands shook a lot). And with each successful injection, the anxiety went down.

The Changes on T (1-3 Months):

Increased body hair. I noticed the hair on my thighs thickening and darkening around the injection sites, but not really much else. The peach fuzz on my face increased and I got a few dark hairs but there wasn’t really anything to shave. I think I shaved my face once because I wanted to not because there was anything to really shave…

Voice Changes: I sang quite a bit so I noticed that my lower register got fuller and the lowest end of my range got easier to access, but other than that there weren’t any vocal changes that I noticed. I didn’t get any voice breaking or cracking.

Bottom Growth: Yeah, there was some of that. Enough I noticed. Things also got very very sensitive and painful. OTC pain meds and ice packs helped. Loose clothes. Also manspreading.

Periods: They got lighter and less painful almost immediately, and I skipped one 3 months in. Then I ran out of T and got my period back the next month.

Acne: I didn’t get acne until the 3 month mark or so, but that also coincided with the start of wearing masks. It got really painful so I started using the OTC acne cream I used in high school, and it cleared up to something manageable once I was off T. (My teenage acne hit HARD at 13 and didn’t clear up until I was 24.)

Nightmares: The first month I started getting a significant increase in nightmares/remembering them upon waking up. This may have been because I had just moved into my own place and escaped an abusive environment, but my therapist at the time mentioned that nightmares were a common thing for people starting T (it is a big hormone change so y’know).

Other Changes: there may have been some, but it’s been a few years so I don’t really remember.

T round 2: 9 Months (2022 started at 28)

The goal was always to get back on T. It just took a while. Cross country move (liberal state now yo), new job, getting new insurance. Once I did, I had to figure out where to get T again. The planned parenthoods were all booked months out and none open for gender clinic stuff on my days off.

I went through my doctor’s office, found out they have a special gender health program for trans people and transferred care to them. I had to wait like a month to get an appointment, but it means my PCP/GP is versed in trans care and does all my hormones. The experience is fantastic. The whole office used my chosen name and pronouns before they got legally changed and had the ability to change the display name on my chart so everyone would use the correct one.

The initial visit was via phone. It was a lot of the same causal “tell me about yourself and your transition goals” as the last time. We skipped a lot of the “this is what t will do” since I already knew it, and folded it in with talking about my experience being on T previously, what I liked, what I hoped for, what I found difficult, etc. I was off the psych medications I had been on the last time, but since I’d been off for two-ish years and was stable, I was ok to restart T. We started me off on the same dose and frequency I had been on previously, but because the IM had been painful, we switched to SubQ.

I didn’t need any initial lab work done, but I’ve done them every 3 months after starting. I had to go in person to pick up my prescription (which I did the next morning after my initial telehealth visit, the pharmacist called the insurance to get the authorization & everyone there was super great) and meet with the nurse to administer my first shot. The doctor poked her head in to say hi in person.

My insurance covers the visits, lab work, and prescriptions. I did have to get prior authorization and have a letter from the insurance company stating my T prescription is approved for a year. I got a prescription for a sharps container this time since the stores did not have any on the shelves. (The pharmacy was out of the small ones too, so I ended up with the big gallon size. It takes up a ton of space under the sink, but it should last me several more years before I have to dispose of it.) My needles also just have a smooth pop on/off to attach to the syringe.

For the first six months, the depo was a 0.25ML/0.50 MG SubQ injection once a week. Because there were certain changes I wasn’t seeing, at 6 months my dose was increased to 0.40ML/0.80MG SubQ once a week.

The SubQ injections basically don’t hurt after I’ve injected them. A couple times I injected them too quickly (just sticking the needle in and pressing down on the plunger too hard and forcing the liquid in, then pulling the needle out immediately) and those are when I’ve noticed redness, swelling, and soreness around the injection site. So my process for minimal pain and bleeding: wait until I’ve got cool skin (not right after a shower), inject slowly, count to 10 before pulling out the needle. Warming up the vial in my hands so the T isn’t cold and making sure everything is dry from the alcohol swabs before injecting also helps with the initial injection pain.

The anxiety around needles has basically all disappeared so I have no issue giving myself injections.

(I have a problem with my T vials crystallizing. I’ve found they take ages to dissolve, so I stick them in a pocket/waistband to keep them warm against my skin for an hour or so as I go about my morning, shaking it every now and then to see how it’s doing. I do my shot on my day off when I generally have time to do that. This time it’s Fridays. Last time it was Wednesdays.)

I started T (again) in April 2022 at 28

(Idk how the math works on these changes when you start/stop/restart on T. I wasn’t able to find anything. Probably because there’s not enough data on it. Given the length of the break, the T levels in my system had definitely reset, and I hadn’t been on T very long previously. Some of my changes went faster than the expected timeline, some slower, some about the same. So know there’s a parenthetical +3 months to all of this.)

Voice Changes: I noticed a continuation of the pattern from the last time. My lower register got much fuller and easier. My upper range started getting harder to reach. Nothing cracking or breaking, but there were some notes I was struggling to reach by the time the choir concert rolled around in mid-May. I started off bordering soprano/alto and was clinging to the alto range before we broke for summer (1-2 months)

I caught COVID from work over Memorial day (~2 months in) and my voice cracked a bit. I went into COVID being able to talk, was sick for a week, and then when the Covid cleared my voice was fried. I sounded terrible talking. Singing wise, my lower range had extended and my upper had come down, but I was still easily able to slip into my head voice.

Started Summer Choir at the end of June. I spent the first few weeks feeling like the songs were a little low for my range. Then things shifted again (~3months) and my singing range shrank to about 3 notes, I could not reliably open my mouth and make a sound, my breath control disappeared. I had one volume I could sing in, no going louder or softer or the sound would disappear. I sounded like a squeaky clarinet. (I did a very good seagull impression.) It was terrible and I loved every minute of it because it was so euphoric. I didn’t sound like a girl. I was firmly in the Tenor range. I was experiencing the puberty I’d always wanted to. (It was hard to tell with the first drop since it happened while I had COVID, but the second time my voice really cracked, I also had a really dry and sore throat.)

Enter August (~4 Months) my range was starting to re-expand. The low notes/chest voice coming back first. I was also figuring out how to make noise with the new instrument, because speaking and singing is all muscle memory. Which meant everything I knew previously was basically irrelevant at best and counter productive at worst. My brain would know how to produce a note on my pre-t vocal chords, so it would try to do what it had done before and either a) nothing would come out because my vocal chords are no longer capable of producing those notes or b) it would come out but be much lower. (I’m still working on retraining this 9 months in. My mental voice and physical voice do not match. I still think I sound like my pre-t self. Like, the thinking voice in my head sounds like my pre-T voice, it hasn’t dropped yet. Which makes singing difficult because I don’t know intuitively how I sound now. I have to adjust once I start making noise.) I was able to make my way through the concert at the end of August, but there were things too high for me since I wasn’t able to access that part of my range yet.

September/October/November/December (month 5-8) my singing range continued to expand and stabilize, the lower notes got much easier, volume control came back, my breath control returned with practice, and some access to my head range. My voice fatigues easily, but that’s getting better too. The vocal fry/clarity of my voice is getting better as well. I had to stop multiple times per rehearsal over the summer, but by December I was able to make it almost the whole rehearsal before reaching my limit. I do not have a smooth transition between notes and get stuck in low gear so to speak. Pre-t my favorite things to sing were songs where I jumped around my entire range. I miss that flexibility, but there are new things to enjoy singing now. I’m also only 9 (+3) months in, and my voice is going to continue to develop. My goals right now are just to continue exploring my singing voice as things change, and to try and get my brain to match what the new pipes can do.

(January 1st, Month 9 (aka today while I was waiting to do a final round of edits on this post) I had a moment where things finally clicked into place for my singing voice. I was singing while doing the laundry, and I was just able to actually sing without feeling any strain. It felt easy and natural coming out. I had to focus on what I was singing to a degree, but not to the exclusion of doing other activities. The sound didn’t crack or disappear on me, and I didn’t run out of breath mid phrase. I was able to actually sing. It was also a moment where I was able to hear my voice and think “this is what I sound like, this is my voice” as opposed to the transitory state it’s existed in since I first started noticing changes. It’s also just a sense of feeling completed and right. I cried, and there was joy, but the predominant emotion was just feeling that things had finally aligned into where they were meant to be and an overwhelming settling peace.)

My biggest thing right now is just how much more air it takes to make sound, speaking or singing. My laugh has turned from a giggle to just blowing air out through my teeth or a bunch of kekekekeke where the sound is from my tongue stopping the air rather than my vocal chords making noise. Singing, I am having to breathe much more frequently than before. Speaking, I sometimes don’t do enough air and sound doesn’t come out. I go nonverbal A LOT more than before because the physical act of speaking has become harder. That initial start up to making noise is sometimes more than my brain can figure out in the moment.

My speaking voice has also changed a lot. The pitch has dropped, it’s gotten much rougher, but I tend to speak in a very femme manner. People have definitely noticed it’s dropped, but it sounds more “cold/laryngitis” than “guy.” People have definitely started reacting differently when they hear me speak over the phone, but I’ve yet to get any comments and it’s not been enough to keep strangers from misgendering me. I have the ability to sound like a guy, there are times when I am relaxed and can hear it come out. The bulk of how my speaking voice sounds is from how I’m using it. I sound like a girl to others because of all those aspects of speech that have nothing to do with how high or low it is. (Aka sounding like a guy at this point for me is about technique not physical ability. This is where speech therapists would be useful.) My dysphoria over my voice has essentially disappeared. I love my voice now, and I’m filled with so much excitement over seeing what else unfolds with it as I get used to it and how to use it.

Acne/Skin Stuff: First off, Puberty 1.0 gave me terrible acne. It set in at like 13. Regardless of what I did as a teenager, I was unable to really control it. I had products but they didn’t really work and my mother wouldn’t get me to a dr for it. My skin was dry and oily. It would crack and peel and bleed and had reactions to every product I put on it. It got better in my twenties and was mostly gone by the time I was 24. It came back when I started T the first time + Covid Masking at 26. But by that point I’d found an acne cream + lotion combination of products that kept things almost clear.

I expected to have acne bad again on T because that’s just what my body does with hormones. By the end of the first month the acne was back. It progressed to being painful cystic acne by 3 months. I told my doctor and got a prescription cream. I’m meant to use it twice a day, I did at first, but it made my skin too dry, so I use it mostly once a day (generally after I’ve showered). I use it + a plain lotion for moisturizing/keeping things from getting too dry. I still have pretty bad acne, my face is red and skin is perpetually breaking out. But it’s not painful, and that’s my biggest goal with controlling acne. Especially because I react very strongly to products on my skin.

My acne still gets worse around my periods, so I know a lot of it is hormonal stuff going on. There’s some slight increase in body acne, but nothing that I even have to put cream on as it’s not painful and goes away on its own. The acne usually appeared in spots where hair was growing in for like a week or so while the hair started growing in thicker/darker.

The rest of my skin also got super oily. And I got super sweaty. And smelled funky for a little while. Previously I showered and washed my hair every other day because that was the balance of keeping my scalp happy. My skin also couldn’t handle more than that as it would get too dry and crack even with lotion. 1-2 months in, I was showering every day, over the summer (~3-6 months) I was showering once in the morning and once at night (mostly because sweat, but also smell) and washing my hair every day. I did not really experience any dry skin. Somewhere around the 7 month mark, that all decreased. 9 months in, I’m showering every day (with an extra shower if I get gross) and still have no problems with dry skin on my body.

The T has affected my scalp*. I started reacting to the shampoo I’d been using for years about a month or so into starting T. I switched to a different shampoo that worked for the most part, but then started causing problems about 7-8 months in. I’m currently trying a new shampoo + washing every other day or so, and hoping it works. This is getting brought up at my next appointment either for medicated shampoo or a referral to the derm if the current shampoo doesn’t work. *I don’t know if it’s causing a reaction to the products, or if there’s some interplay of the increased oils + increased sweat + my hair being wet for longer + more washings causing more dryness and more irritation + the hair dryer causing more irritation. All I know is my scalp is hurting and I am trying to figure out why + what I can do to make it stop.

Aka: I had terrible acne during puberty 1.0. Puberty T.0 is running about the same in terms of getting acne, but I’m able to manage it so much better because I’ve a) found a lotion I can apply to my face to help with the dryness and b) got a doctor to prescribe acne cream that actually helps. I’m having worse scalp problems now though, but working to manage them.

Facial Hair/Body Hair/Head Hair:

I started getting dark hairs on my chin first. It was within the first 3 months. It also coincided with the acne. Because my skin is so sensitive and the acne was so bad, I decided to use an electric razor since it doesn’t cut as close and tends to result in fewer nicks and cuts and ingrown hairs. I would not have been able to use a razor without cutting myself at the start. I also tend to react to shaving cream so the electric razor allowed me to not have to figure that aspect out too. I started off every few days, then every other day. Somewhere around 6 months I started needing to shave every day to keep the stubble away. If I have a few days off in a row I’ll skip the shaving so I can see what it looks like, but I shave clean if I have to work.

I’m not really sure when the body hair started growing. I noticed the leg hair on my thighs started growing in a little thicker and there was a bit more hair on my belly 4-5 months in (mostly because the bandaids from my shots started hurting when I pulled them off lol.) At 9 months I’ve noticed the hair on my arms and thighs has gotten darker and a little thicker, and my belly has gotten a lot more dark and thick hair, and there’s some chest hair appearing. I want to say somewhere around 6-7 months, I really started noticing the body hair and getting euphoric and happy about getting fuzzy. (Idk about lower leg hair since I frequently shave it due to wearing compression socks and finding them sensory hell and painful with leg hair.)

(Also got more hair on the butt and the butt crack, which was making getting clean after pooping during colitis flares difficult. Solution I’ve found is shaving/trimming that area (you know how it works with long-haired cats and dogs?) and using wet wipes if needed.)

One thing I did notice for both my facial hair and body hair, is that my skin would get mildly itchy the week or so before I started noticing more hair growing, and would continue for that first week or so + there tended to be some ingrown hairs during that stage. It was rather similar in feeling to what my underarms or legs feel like when I shave them and the hair starts to regrow. The itchiness is pretty mild for me so I didn’t really do anything about it.

The spot I inject the T got darker thicker hair first. And by spots I mean like the circle immediately around the injection sites was noticeably darker and hairier than the surrounding body part. It’s evened out on my thighs since my SubQ are in my belly, and the belly is starting to even out 9 months in.

Head hair. It’s started thinning up top right around my part, and on the sides of my temple. Really only noticed it starting at the 8 month mark. I’m currently in the process of trying to figure out if this is related to the scalp issues (since they can cause hair loss) and reversible, or the permanent slow march of time kind of balding. I really like having long hair. It’s fun. I haven’t cut my hair (which would improve my chances of passing as a guy or at least not getting consistently gendered as a girl) because I like my hair. I want to keep it.

I know finasteride and minoxidil are both things that can be used to treat it. I’m hesitant to use finasteride since it blocks DHT and I want the effects of that more than I want to keep my long hair. I’m worried about minoxidil exacerbating my scalp problems and causing more hair loss.

I’m contacting family to find out more information about family history of hair loss (including the ones where there were auto-immune skin conditions that caused it) and will talk with the doctors to figure out what the best option for me is.

I was a lot more anxious about the potential balding when I first noticed, but after a couple months to process it I’m not as alarmed as I was. If I do go bald though, I like the idea of getting tattoos. It’s also something that hopefully will be slow enough that I’m not gonna lose everything right away and can still enjoy having long hair for a while. But also you know the meme, if you can’t produce your own, store bought is fine. Wigs do exist.

Muscles, Fat, and the whole Musculoskeletal Shit

My timeline on this is a little blurry. Mostly because I’ve always built muscle easily and been rather buff just through having jobs that require some level of physical labor. I’ve also got hypermobile joints + low back pain from falling down stairs in 2019 + chest, rib, & shoulder pain from binder (haven’t been able to bind since pre-pandemic) and bra. So my focus on/awareness of physical ability was less on ease of strength and more on whether or not I had pain that made breathing/movement difficult. I’m going to guess it was easier to build muscle fairly early since I did notice some other changes that would track with things being affected.

So first thing I noticed was that my hips weren’t as prone to slipping out of place as usual and the days where they were painful decreased as well as the level of pain. It got to a point where I basically wasn’t having hip pain except around my period (pre-T the pain would get worse around my period, this is a continuation of the existing pattern). I’m not sure if I noticed this by 3 months, but I did by 6 Months. My guess is that the T strengthened the connective tissues and helped build muscle to hold everything in place. When I did a lot of walking and fatigued my leg muscles, the hip pain would get worse pre-T, but now I don’t really notice that at all 9 months in. If I get sore after movement, it doesn’t knock me out for several days. I still have to be careful about how I’m sitting and sleeping as the joints can still get knocked out of place that way. But also, the threshold for pain happening is much higher and I have fewer days of it. I’ve also only had to use my cane a handful of times since starting T.

My rib/chest pain got less severe at some point… I know I’m able to tolerate wearing my bra all day without feeling pain most of the time. That shift happened some time over the summer. So 3-6 months. (This was because my body finally managed to heal from the injuries from binding and the stress injury from using the deli slicer 2-4 hours a day at work in 2018.)

My back pain has kind of been figuring out what makes it worse and better. It’s gotten better overall over the past 9 months, but idk how much I can attribute that to T and how much is just figuring out what makes it worse and not doing that.

I’ve also noticed a significant decrease in flexibility. To the point I can stretch muscles I’ve never been able to stretch before. I can stretch my muscles without hyperextending joints. I started to resume a lot of the stretching I stopped in 2018 because whatever support my joints now have is enough that I don’t risk being too bendy to hold them all in place. My hands basically don’t dislocate/sublux any more, and the pain in them is gone. My grip strength has never been better. I can open water bottles without fucking up my fingers. (Aka T has definitely helped with the hEDS.)

My skin has also gotten thicker and less prone to getting cuts. If you follow me, you probably saw the post I made about the changes on that, but basically, my skin is tougher. It doesn’t get cut up as easily and I don’t bleed as easily. My mouth doesn’t get cut up as much by rough foods like toast and cereal and brushing and flossing doesn’t cause bleeding and tearing (no gum health issues this is just hEDS stuff, although I also notice the sensitivity of my gums fluctuate with my period), I don’t get papercuts as easily, sewing is a lot less bloody. This has made it slightly harder to put the needle through my skin for the T injections, it used to go in completely painlessly but somewhere around 6 months it started pinching a bit.

I also have a little adam’s apple now! Which I wasn’t expecting since I’m nearly 30 and I figured things wouldn’t shift too much. I started noticing it grow 3 months in or so when I would touch my throat and it slowly got just a bit bigger. 9 months in there’s something visible in my throat when I talk or swallow, just a tiny visible bump but it’s more than it was before! It also tends to sit REALLY high in my throat, which I know is also part of the problem I have with my voice being high and strained. I have a couple vocal exercises that lower it and my voice and reduce strain. But also this was one of the things I wanted but was realistically not expecting to get so !!!

As far as muscle and fat (re)distribution and such, I noticed somewhere around 4-5 months that when I looked in the mirror after showering so a) i didn’t have my glasses on and things were hella blurry and b) the mirror was somewhat fogged, I had a more masculine look. When my hair covered my chest (it was waist length at that point) there was just enough shifting of things to look masc. (My boobs have gotten somewhat flatter/deflated. Around my period I definitely get a feeling that they’ve gotten bigger/swelled back up.)

Body wise, my shoulders have always been broad, and the ratio of tiny waist to huge hips has always been a source of dysphoria for me. There’s nothing T is gonna do about the underlying bones, but I have noticed my hips and thighs slimming down somewhat / my waist filling out. It’s changed my silhouette away from the hourglass and into something more masculine. It’s helped greatly with my dysphoria when I see myself in the above sink/counter level mirrors. (Full body mirrors/reflections are still hello dysphoria hips.)

My shoulders also got slightly broader, my neck thicker, and my feet got slightly larger. I know for sure around 5-6 months, as I pulled out my long-sleeves for winter and the ones that had been tight and with no stretch the previous year were too tight to wear comfortably. I also pulled out my performance clothes which I hadn’t worn since month 2 on T, and had to let out the collar on my bowtie by a solid inch and get new shoes as the previous ones were too tight (again I’m almost 30, my feet bones didn’t grow but I did have to go up a shoe size). I had thought around 4-5 months that my neck was getting thicker since it didn’t look quite as stick-like. Around that time my face also started looking a little swollen around the jawline. It may have been puffiness or just things shifting around. I’m faceblind so I don’t know if my face has changed, just around that time looking at my face made me think the jaws looked a bit like my sister’s did a week after getting her wisdom teeth removed. Whatever puffiness I saw then, I don’t notice now though.

Idk if I’ve gained or lost weight since I don’t own a scale and don’t actually pay attention to that because it’s not actually important. Shrug emoji.

Periods & Bottom Growth:

If you’ve read this far you’ve probably guessed my periods didn’t stop early this time. As I stated, the first attempt at T, they stopped three months in. My third period came two weeks early this time when I caught COVID. We increased my dose at 6 months because my periods hadn’t stopped. My 8th period happened a week late. This month for the 9th I’ve gotten some light cramping and joint pain (but another week or two will tell if it’s stopped).

I did notice by 6 months the pain/cramping and other things associated with my period were less. (The flow decreased somewhat and the cramps were less severe. I was able to still walk and function with the OTC pain meds, and I had to take fewer for a shorter time frame to get relief. My blood pressure didn’t tank as drastically, so I wasn’t at risk of passing out every time I stood up on the first few days of my cycle each month. I didn’t get chills and shaking. I still get increased acne, bloated, migraines, and my joints all get loose and painful.)

(Outside of my period, my POTS has also drastically improved. Around 7-8 months, all I really started to notice is the tachycardia. The blood pressure problems aren’t forcing me to sit down to avoid passing out, my low blood pressure migraines have mostly disappeared, and my heat intolerance has drastically decreased. The heatwave in 2018 is what ended up with me in the hospital. I made it through the heatwave this year without too much difficulty. I still get migraines when I get too hot, and get weak and exhausted, but I recover within a day rather than a week. My migraines have tons of triggers, but overall I’ve gotten fewer of them since starting T. The only trigger that’s increased in causing them is my low blood sugar.)

Bottom growth has happened!!! I was ambivalent to slightly apprehensive about this part prior to starting the last time, but discovered pretty quickly I was actually really on board with it. For a while this time I was worried starting/stopping/restarting T meant I wasn’t getting any this time around. But the past month or so (month 9) has given me indications it was just taking a while to happen (like my periods not stopping 3 months as previously). This time, I haven’t experienced much in the way of pain + too much sensitivity, but the sensitivity has really increased in the past couple weeks so that may start again as well.

Appetite & blood sugar :

The increased appetite has probably been my biggest most noticeable thing in my day to day life and the only thing that has actually caused me distress (as opposed to annoyance and irritation with the acne). I noticed pretty quickly an increase in my appetite. This brought back problems with my blood sugar just crashing (and tanking my blood pressure with it) that I’d had while growing up. I would also wake up hungry in the middle of the night. 3 Months in it was the biggest change I noticed.

6 months in I was up to eating every two hours, waking up twice at night, and if I skipped one my body would get ravenously hungry and would have headache and shaking. But I was also getting more used to the routine so I got better about keeping food on me and my blood sugar didn’t crash as often/as severely. My grocery budget effectively doubled so that was yikes to my bank account. I also couldn’t get full or stay full. I was constantly hungry. Since I had a history of food insecurity as a kid, the constant feeling of hunger was distressing and started making my anxiety and ptsd get worse.

(There is a link between testosterone levels and blood sugar. Most of the data is on cis men. But the little information packet that comes in the box of my testosterone vial includes: In diabetic patients, the metabolic effects of androgens may decrease blood glucose and therefore, insulin requirements. Presumably, the doctors know to monitor this with diabetic patients and to mention it to them. But also, a reminder to read all the paperwork you’re given because neither of my prescribers mentioned this aspect to me, even when I mentioned having problems with my blood sugar dropping.)

9 months in, my appetite has decreased to pre-T levels which also coincided with getting heart burn/acid reflux for a solid week and a half. I’d never had a problem with that before, but I was also eating/drinking and then immediately laying down (aka eating right before bed and a midnight snack) for like six solid months, which is a big clue to the cause. The biggest surprise there is that it took six months to become a problem. I’ve been mindful of staying upright after eating and after a few days the problem went away.

Dysphoria, Mental Health, Mood and Energy;

T has been fucking amazing. Like. It’s fantastic and I’m thriving and have never felt so stable and capable of handling life. I can’t attribute everything to T because I’ve done a lot of work on my own mental health and my living situation improving (moving away from abusive family, getting engaged with friends and community, fulfilling job) but its positive impact on my mental health and general mood is undeniable.

My dysphoria is so much less than it was before. I love my voice now, I am starting to remember what it feels like to be comfortable in my body. There’re still a bunch of things that are dysphoria inducing that will take more time or surgery (top, hysto, bottom) to change and relieve, (and when I am reminded about the dysphoria inducing things like boobs and people misgendering me as a girl, it feels terrible and I want to crawl out of my skin). But the entire experience of being on T has been a daily blessing of euphoria as everything happens.

I used to joke that you knew trans people were really trans because who else would willingly go through puberty a second time. Puberty 1.0 had been soul destroying terrible. I hadn’t had a single positive experience from it. Everything about puberty 1.0 had made me hate my body more and the changes just kept getting worse. I couldn’t imagine anyone willingly going through that a second time. Somehow despite knowing I wanted all the changes T would cause, my brain didn’t make the connection that I’d like the process aka puberty 2.0. I’d figured I’d suffer through puberty again and in the end I’d have a body I liked and was comfortable in, so it’d be worth all the suffering of puberty.

I was terribly wonderfully wrong. The first time I was on T, I didn’t really notice a ton of changes, but even the small ones I did I liked. It wasn’t terrible. And then, I was off T and the strength of my desire to get back on T and go through those changes was a physical ache. The past 9 months have been full of joy and excitement. Every little change I’ve noticed has made me happy and been something I loved to find. (Barring the acne, and hunger, and potential hair loss.)

Puberty 2.0 is so powerfully positive for me. I love it, and it’s letting me love my body.

My mood is a lot more stable than it was. With my dysphoria lessened, I’m not constantly feeling shitty about that which overall helped my mood. I’m not as depressed (and when I am, it’s so much more mild than before). My mood tends to be either in a stable state or hypo/manic. But there’s no irritability or violence or any of those fear mongering things. T didn’t suddenly change me into the TERF and bio essentialist’s boogey man. T doesn’t change your personality. If you have anger issues on T, you likely had them before. (Also I really want to stress this because I saw warnings about T and bipolar disorder for years: T did not make me irritable or angry or violent. It hasn’t changed the profile of my mood disorder to include symptoms that were never present.)

(As for crying. I don’t cry out of frustration or anxiety as much--which is likely because my mental health has improved and I’m not pushed into those strong negative emotions as often. But I tear up just as easily when I see heartwarming news stories or videos of puppies or see something heartbreaking on the news. I haven’t been cut off from health emotion, or healthy crying.)

Energy wise, I have so much more energy than I did before. I’ve managed to wake up easily all winter rather than take an hour to drag myself out of bed every day. I can work a 12 hour shift, and/or not take a nap and be fine with 8 hours of sleep (or less) at night. I can run around and do things on my days off. I have enough energy to function. I don’t have to have an entire day off just to sleep (although I still enjoy a good afternoon nap and sleeping in).

I don’t notice my energy level fluctuating with my shot (I do weekly injections to avoid my levels fluctuating and causing other things to do so as well), but I did notice my energy levels increased within the first month. But! There’s also a lot of other things going on that are affecting my improved energy levels. Some of this might be because I actually started taking a vitamin d supplement (and I definitely notice less energy when I forget it). The lessening of my dysphoria has freed up a lot of mental energy for other things, the lessening of my dysphoria has lessened my depression* which gives me more energy, the reduction in joint pain + other chronic pain means I’m not constantly having that low drain on my energy and resting better at night, and the reduction in POTS symptoms means I’m not having that massive daily drain on energy reserves.

(*I’ve noticed an increase in energy at my stable baseline, and an increase in the sustained energy while hypo/manic from my pre-T mood cycles without an associated increase in the severity of other symptoms. My depressive moods have reduced in length and severity because there aren’t as many things fucking triggering me during them (which can also be attributed to the better living conditions and social connections, since I noticed this prior to restarting T), but I also have an increased energy during them as well. Which all tracks with the physical conditions improving and no longer draining my energy as much.)

(I still notice when my blood sugar drops, I get my period, or I have an anxiety attack that my energy levels for the day drop accordingly. But I’m also quicker to bounce back to my new baseline. My anxiety has more or less stayed the same. Also randomly feeling tired has become a much more reliable migraine aura because now being tired tends to have an easily identifiable cause.)

As I mentioned in the appetite section, there has been some downsides to my mental health while on T. The constant hunger was triggering for me, but since I'm in a stable environment and have money for food, it’s something I’ve been able to work through. I’ve also experienced more nightmares since being on T, especially around when I first started and when my dose was increased (biggest changes in hormone levels). But the nightmares also increased in general, which I also want to attribute to having more energy while on T. Before T I had a tendency to be so utterly exhausted I didn’t dream and/or I woke up too frequently during the night due to joint pain/needing to reposition that I didn’t complete sleep cycles and wasn’t dreaming/having nightmares. (The biggest argument for this is also that I’m straight up actually having non-nightmare dreams now too. I rarely had dreams and/or remembered them before. I get them decently often now. Which is nice! Dreams can be fun! And weird. Dream logic does not make sense upon waking up.)

“Passing” / How people perceive my gender / General Reception

Gender is a party and transitioning is the grab bag. I’m basically completely on board all the physical changes T is making to my body (bar the acne and the balding). Presentation wise, I lean heavier into the men’s clothing than the women’s and would prefer to be read as a guy rather than a girl if people gotta gender me, but I’m not a guy and not actually interested in passing as a guy. So I don’t put any effort into passing as a guy. Being my authentic self and transitioning into my nonbinary genderqueer gender basically means I do what I’m comfortable with and just vibe (until someone misgenders me and then I dark side dysphoria vibe).

Basically for those keeping track: I have long hair, I shave clean (and wear a mask anyway), my boobs are still visible (can’t bind), my hips are still a thing, and my voice sounds mostly like I have a cold (lower but with girly customer service inflections). My chosen/legal name is still femme. I’m also 5ft/160cm and relatively small. I dress in men’s clothes for the most part. Strangers still assume I’m a girl. Even in trans friendly spaces I get she/her’ed by default.

(I’m out to management at work but very few others. There’s been maybe one person who might have noticed something. Most people I interact with through work--if they notice anything-- notice my voice change. But all the comments I’ve gotten indicate they think I’ve strained my voice from singing, have a cold, or it’s related to my breathing problems. (I had to wear a mask/scarf outdoors before covid due to the cold making it impossible to breathe, same with smoke. Also I caught COVID right before my voice cracked so…))

As I said, I don’t bind and my hair is long and don’t try to pass as a guy, so it makes sense I won’t. I’m sure if I had short hair and didn’t have visible boobs the default gendering by strangers would shift to a different percentage of girl vs guy vs awkward pause as they guess. So if you’re wondering how long it’ll take you to pass as a guy or confuse everyone, I’m not gonna be too helpful. But if you were concerned about being able to hide being on T/keep your transition on the DL until you’re ready to come out, you can definitely do it, just come up with some excuse for your voice because people will notice that.

Congrats I guess if you’ve read this far. Hopefully this was helpful and/or informative. The TL;DR of it is that the bulk of the changes kicked in somewhere between 3-6 months and are gonna continue for another good while. It’s having a lot of positive effects on my various health conditions (POTS, hEDS, migraines). I’m having a blast with everything that’s happening and am delighted by puberty 2.0. The drawbacks are just kind of inconveniences (and aside from potential balding, seem entirely temporary) and are nothing compared to the overwhelming joy and euphoria of slowly getting to exist more comfortably in my skin.

if you've got questions, feel free to ask. Just know depending on the question and whether or not I even know who you are will influence if I answer it or block you.

tagging myself so i can reblog if i need to @owlsofstarlight

#tag for me #also wow this post got long #and took forever to write and edit up #i apologize if it's hard to follow #but also don't complain if its too long i'm not forcing you to read it #the big t post #t timeline

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onelittlefoxen · 1 year ago

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wowzas!! coding discussion time

its been a couple months now since I started working on a silly little roguelike project and i guess im gonna talk about it?? i kinda want to make little devlogs and i guess now is a good time for that since im not too far in?

my goal for this project is a raycaster roguelike since i haven't...actually seen that done much. there's 3d roguelikes but normally if they're 3d they're pretty much assured not to be turn-based. my current system allows you to turn and look smoothly in all directions, and you move on a grid (all 8 directions) depending on where you're looking.

ive been mostly inspired by caves of qud for this, so im looking to do a hybrid of the open world/dungeon exploring like caves of qud has.

the thing that im most excited about for this has been a spell system that's been brewing in my head. im thinking that everything is turn-based, but then the spell casting is done in real time, as you draw certain symbols in order to cast spells. spells are made up of multiple symbols, and if you don't draw these fast enough, then a turn passes, leaving you vulnerable to any enemies as you continue casting spells.

currently ive got:

free-looking and movement on a grid (which is my raycaster)

sprites

......

uhh...

basic...random generation? i guess?

.....nothing really else

........oh i just looked at when i started this project and it was IN JULY!!!!!

holyy

i am....a very slow programmer. i see timelapses of people coding and they go really fast and that is not me. i am very slow. i have very long coding sessions (like 3 to 5 hours) and i get maybe 1 or 2 tasks done?

i guess i cant completely blame this long amount of time on me being slow. i think i didn't actually start dedicated work on this project until a couple weeks after i made my first couple of files. i was following a tutorial on youtube (3dsage's raycasting tutorial) and it took me a while to finish that.

but! this was where things went wrong. i did not realize that this tutorial was solely focused around 8 by 8 tile grids. i spent....quite a while getting things to work with larger grids. there's a couple of magic numbers in there that aren't quite explained either, and they work perfectly fine if you have everything the same as the tutorial. however, they don't work well if anything is different, so as i changed my rendering size i had to spend time figuring out where those numbers came from, and i spent hours trying to figure it out. I asked a couple nice people on discord for help, and they did help a lot! its just that some things they didn't know how to solve either, and so i had to figure that out myself.

and then...everything was perfect. everything was perfect with a 10 by 10 tile grid. so i added my random generation, increased the size of the map....and everything failed again.

i spent so long figuring out what was going wrong. i spent hours pouring over my code, trying to figure out what i was doing wrong. sought help again, and somebody else had a github repo similar to what i was doing, so i copied their code over and...it still didn't work.

it took me so long to realize that the raycasting algorithm i was using just wasn't suited for larger maps.

after that, i found a wonderful website that had a tutorial on making a DDA raycaster (this one) and EVERYTHING WORKED!!!!!!! (after days or weeks of following the tutorial and...you know, getting stuff to work)

so now 4 months later i am at a point where stuff looks nice, but its just a walking simulator right now. i don't think im going to be working on the rendering for a while after this.

where im planning on going next is a system for enemies and fighting them, and then hopefully items and an inventory. i am very scared for items and an inventory. but it'll be fine!

anyways here's some screenshots:

(ignore the fact that it is the backrooms i did that as a joke for my friends. to get the textures for these i just downscaled some things to 32 by 32 textures) (the wall texture is a really cool texture that i got here)

(ah, there we go. bad art and painful contrasts. this is a little more my style) (the art will get better everything is just basically example textures right now)

anyways that's everything!! sorry that this was just me rambling, i've never made a devlog before. devlog? devpost? idk.

anyways ill be back in like a week or a month or something to post more progress.

#programming #devlog #raycaster #me rambling

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fullscoreshenanigans · 1 year ago

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Not surprised by the top three at all (I was torn between 1, 5, 8, and 9, and then went with 5, figuring 9 would be the more popular Norman cover that wouldn't need any help lol. Also the juxtaposition of Emma steadfastly standing tall as she ensures the children behind her can escape on the front cover, only to reveal the one left behind waving as bravely as he can and wishing them success on their journey similar to what Isabella does, oof, it gets me.)

Slightly surprised by how well volume 3 is doing, and more surprised that volume 4 is currently tied with it.

#UM ive never seen the inner 8 cover i think i might lose my mind over this (via @trainerbea)

Part of the reason I wanted to do this poll since the inner covers aren't included in the VIZ digital copies and aren't circulated around as much, and even when they are, some are more cited than others (e.g., volume 1's and 9's).

#AWW I DON'T HAVE VOL 8 I DIDN'T KNOW YUUGO AND LUCAS WERE IN THE INNER COVER- #this one's difficult #I really like Volume 1 showing the contrast between Isabella and Emma&co. #because though it's unclear whether she tried to escape when she was a kid (from what i remember at least) #the main difference between the two was the trust they put in their family #and how everything Isabella did she did alone #it's a better parallel to vol. 8's imo #because 90% of the reason Ray and Emma escaped GP while Yuugo's family was killed #was the fact there was already a resistance in GP #not because of any individual choice #vol 5 is also a good one. I like how Norman is waving goodbye as the ceiling collapses augh :') #but I'm gonna go ahead and vote vol. 1 because I like the multiple interpretations you can draw from it (via @darklight-owl)

The way I initially interpreted Isabella ascending the wall was her wanting to sneak out to find Leslie after he never sent any letters, though the second light novel also adds that it had been a goal of Leslie's before he left the house that he wasn't able to complete:

And then after Sarah explains the reality of their world, she comes up with plans, but ultimately never acts on them.

But this also further strengthens your point about how even though the series will highlight major players in the story that we become attached to and how individuals will often be elevated above group efforts and movements in narratives for convenience and a variety of other reasons, the feats they accomplish aren't possible without collective effort and solidarity.

#the main difference between the two was the trust they put in their family #and how everything Isabella did she did alone

Though Isabella didn't also have the advantage of infantile amnesia Ray had that led to him having years to prepare. When she finds out the truth a few months before she's shipped out to headquarters, even if she confided in her siblings and one of them happened to have noticed the Minerva book plates (which don't provide any surefire direction on how to escape, only serving as proof to convince the other children the orphanage isn't what it seems), they also didn't have the luck of being provided with a pen like the Grace Field and Glory Bell escapees (which was a crapshoot even for the kids who did escape Grace Field, Smee only giving Krone the pen because she was being sent to a farm and he was banking on the woman retaining the same kindness she held in the letter she sent up into the sky over a decade prior that he happened to find on the ground one day, and Krone giving the kids the pen partially out of spite), and there was no guarantee they'd run into Sonju and Mujika or some other kind demons even if they did break out, being left to wander about the forest potentially aimlessly until pursuer demons found them.

(I know this phrasing isn't inherently condemning Isabella since we're not meant to be as critical of this decision as we are of her later actions where she has more authority and control of the situation and actively chooses to be antagonistic toward the children in her charge but it feels slightly off if framed as like, a moral failing or weakness of character.)

Volumes 11 - 20 + Kaiu Shirai x Posuka Demizu: Beyond The Promised Neverland

Like in the previous poll, top five of each poll will advance to the final round.

Curious to see how much of people's reasoning will focus solely on the inner cover by itself and how much the outer cover factors in.

Outer covers below the cut for comparison and ease of convenience:

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theo-decker · 2 years ago

Note

hi ive been following you for some time and noticed that you're studying chinese and was just wondering what resources you use and how you found your tutors? any help is appreciated!

Hi!!! This is a big question because I've used a LOT of resources!!! My first question would be, what are your goals and what kind of Chinese do you want to learn?? I had no concept of this at first and just googled like, how do I learn Chinese, and ended up learning HSK. I used HelloChinese app (I still use this because it's highly addictive and good for pronunciation and sentence structure), youtube channels like Mandarin Corner, and worked through the HSK 1 and 2 textbooks. However, ultimately this has slowed me down, because I need to learn specifically Taiwanese Chinese; although people describe this as an "accent", it is an extremely distinct dialect; not only is pronunciation different but a lot of the vocabulary, plus it uses traditional characters instead of simplified, etc. So, take this into consideration........ I found my two tutors on iTalki using Taiwan as a search term! You could use "HSK" or "Beijing" or "Business Chinese" or whatever as search terms if you wanted, too!! I definitely recommend browsing a little bit to find an ideal match. Sad to say it as a language tutor myself but there are some piss takers on there! A good tutor will chat to you about your goals, then set out a long-term programme of study. One of my tutors is working with me using Dangdai Chinese, a Taiwanese textbook series and app, which is intensive and amazing... My other tutor helps me with informal conversation practice, drawing on the course Speak Mandarin in 500 Words (but we don't stick to it strictly, it's more a free talk session). Outside of my tutors, I also use: -HelloTalk! Actually, this app is very overwhelming. It's for finding language exchange partners. I found my perfect partner on there, and we immediately switched to chatting over LINE and I deleted the app lol. Now we talk for about an hour or two once a week. I definitely recommend finding a language exchange partner somehow - if not on HelloTalk or Tandem, then search for language exchange meetups/groups in your area. - Quizlet! This helps me review the work I do with my tutors. I really like playing the matching game. - Anki! I just started using this digital flashcard app. It uses spaced repetition to help you review materials. So many people swear by it!

But honestly you don't need to use all this!!! As you can see, I'm currently taking a "throwing spaghetti at the wall" approach while trying to learn as much as I can in a short space of time. This is not actually that efficient!!! You can just pick one online tutor, or one course on coursera, and do a little bit of studying every day, and you'll be grand.......... Ok sorry for the infodump!!! GOOD LUCK!!

#emery 2k22

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johannesviii · 4 years ago

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This is a long post about Shaman King I started to write ages ago and I don’t have a good title for it

Let me tell you about Shaman King for a few minutes, okay. Because the new anime adaptation is coming in like 3 months and I’m still not ready for it. Also I started to write this post 5 years ago just because I re-read the whole thing at the time and it’s been in my drafts since then. Oops

But yeah Shaman King was the very first fandom I got into when I first had a real internet access, around 2003-2004. I was around fifteen. The manga was still going. And in retrospect, it was full of problems. Among other things:

Not enough female characters & questionable choices for most of the ones who actually have a part to play in the plot

A black character drawn with big lips (see above), and I REALLY HOPE this is gonna get fixed in the new anime ; I mean even the author stopped drawing him like that a few years ago when he did the “remix tracks” extra chapters so come on please

An imaginary native american tribe who, while pretty cool, is still imagined by a Japanese dude in 1999 soooo yeah there’s some rough corners here and there (edit: got some anon hate about that but I'm sorry, "ancient aliens" tropes always make me uncomfortable)

An art quality which gets worse and worse over time due to deadline pressures and an increasingly exhausted author

Was stopped before it could reach its natural conclusion (the author drew an actual ending years later and tbh it’s great so I’m putting this very low on the list)

So yeah. Manga from 1999. Problematic. Aged badly. It happens.

BUT.

In retrospect, most of it is such a kick in the metaphorical butt of shonen manga as a whole I can’t believe it was competing against Naruto and One Piece at some point?? Like

It’s a shonen so it plays the "dramatic and sudden power jump” game, but it uses it to reach a surprising conclusion (in the “new” ending I mean)

Most of the characters are “shamans” which means they can see ghosts and spirits, and they use them to fight, to work, or to help other people. This is a manga in which you’re gonna see a Russian shaman channeling a Vodyanoy spirit into a drum to create a torrential flood. You don’t see that in every manga

It’s stated right away that no shaman can be truely, irredeemably bad, because only good-natured people can see ghosts and spirits.

So, no matter how bad a villain may be, they must have had a good nature once even if they look like a complete bastard at the moment.

How far is the author willing to go with that concept? Pretty far

Even without talking about the main villain and how the story ends because, duh, spoilers... Like

My favorite character, who gets a full redemption arc later, cuts someone open in his first chapter

He’s one of the good guys 10 volumes later

Speaking of which the amount of gore in this manga has to be seen to be believed, Jump would never let this happen nowadays

If you’re wondering why this is in the “positive” (......?) list it’s because I was 14/15 and all kids that age crave blood and angst

The main character, Yoh, pictured above, is very laid-back, and I mean very. He listens to the in-world equivalent of Bob Marley and constantly wears big headphones. Also he wears sandals, and sometimes there’s a weed leaf drawn on his t-shirt

His parents arranged a mariage between him and a girl shaman even though they’re still teenagers, so this would have potential for High Drama - but surprisingly enough it turns out they like each other and after that he just goes around saying “this is my future wife” and she’s like “hello if you touch him I’m going to end you”

It sounds weird and it......... is, tbh, but it’s also refreshing among all the “ugh, girls, yuck” tropes that nearly all shonen mangas used to have at the time

Yoh’s main goal in life is to live with minimal effort

When his grandfather tells him he must train to participate in a shaman tournament which happens every 500 years, because the winner gets a wish granted by the Great Spirit, he decides his wish will be to make everybody’s life easy so that nobody will ever be forced to work or do shit they don’t want to do to survive anymore

Yoh Asakura is a Millenial icon don’t @ me

Speaking of which

Almost everyone in this series is broke as f█ck

Yoh owns a big house but that’s only because the price was ridiculously low since it’s the most haunted place in Tokyo and nobody else wants to live there. The house is constantly full of other characters (including enemies) who have literally nowhere else to go

The only important character who isn’t broke has money because his family is super rich but he hates all of them because they’re all bastards so it’s super awkward

Another character bought a really cool motorbike but he’s going to be in debt for the next 40 years

Also he’s a hobo

And also bi

What I’m trying to say is: relatable

Also the tournament is held by an imaginary Native American tribe. They’re also broke. All of them. The two judges who are in charge of the main characters live in a cramped appartment and often try to sell souvenirs in the street to pay the rent

I know that’s hashtag problematic but I still love them I can’t help it

Just like in most shonen mangas the hero seems to amass a big collection of Friends but since everyone is a weirdo in a way or another and comes from all over the world it looks even funnier

At some point during the tournament, the main characters have to form small groups of three in order to participate to the next part. Yoh’s team is one of the strongest teams among the ones we’ve met at this point, and is composed of 1) Yoh, a laid-back sleepy kid wearing toilet sandals 2) the aforementioned bi hobo who’s sad because his current crush is in a rival team, and 3) a thirty-something tatooed guy with no legs and an IV drip and who looks like he hasn’t slept since 1997

Oh and they all wear adds for a bath house

Because remember: everyone’s f█cking broke

Spoilers for the mid-point of the manga but I need to talk about it because it encapsulates everything I used to love in it

You’ve been warned

At some point the main character, Yoh, is asked to choose between staying in the tournament or resurrect his rival

This is framed as some kind of very heavy, very huge dilemma. Like oh no what will he do. Will he give up his dreams and hopes. Will You Push The Button(tm)

So the choice is presented to him

In a very dramatic way

And he immediately goes “there’s a way to save him?? YES PLEASE”

He doesn’t hesitate a single second and drops the tournament in a heartbeat to save the guy

This scene greatly contributed to make me a better person I’m not even joking at all

I love Yoh

So anyway I don’t have a proper conclusion for this

Shaman King is very flawed and its flaws need to be acknowledged to fully appreciate all the good things in it, and the “old” fandom from more than 15 years ago was a very good formative experience for me because the forum I was on (which was nuked from the face of the internet by a hacker “looking for training grounds” (his words not mine, he posted it on our frontpage a full week before he did it) in 2005, rip) was full of people who were really into criticising every little aspect of the manga but still loved it dearly

And I think that’s a healthy way to enjoy things and I think we should bring this back

Anyway

Shaman King extremely flawed but full of good things

I still can’t believe it’s back

Johannes out

#long post #shaman king #spoilers #mild gore in written form at some point

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frenchphobic · 4 years ago

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long fucking post on why a c!dream is a shitty person and probably should not have a redemption because it is unpog

honestly i just want to refute dream apologists thats why im making this post. i think that dream as a villain is interesting but i think that trying to make him out to be secretly a good guy is just bad ngl. also /roleplay and all

tw for abuse and mentions of suicide

dream as a villain

dream is a villain. he is chaotic evil according to wilbur, deliberately does not stream to appear less sympathetic (and yet), and is set up as an antagonist to tommy who bears the title ‘hero’. dream is not a good person, no matter how you look at it or try to justify his actions.

‘but he wants to unite everyone to be a big family :((’ the ends dont justify the means believe it or not. having a vaguely positive goal does not excuse the actions you’ve done. it also goes hand and hand with saying dream is correct for punishing tommy the way he did because he acted up. if i socked you across the face and then suddenly said ‘sorry there was a roach on ur face’ does that make it okay? probably not i still punched you, enacting an unnecessary amount of violence. thats a very simple analogy i will admit and there are more complex comparisons. another example off the top of my head is say a child just scribbled all over you walls with crayons. would hitting them be a justified answer? if u said hes thats really fucked of u go seek help u loon. violence as a punishment is very toxic, just because it gets the job done does not mean it is okay. at the end of the day, you still committed this act and the harm you caused is real, having a good motive doesnt suddenly make it okay.

‘but tommy causes all of the conflict’ the disk war wasnt even caused by tommy, it was sapnap and then tommy got involved. and the reason why tommy even caused conflict was because of the discs, because he wanted them back. and most of the time there was a level of antagonism from another party, such as schlatt exiling him, dream taking the disks in the first place, dream threatening l’manberg. and if dream wanted to end the conflict so badly, why didnt he just give tommy back his disks? tommy upfront said everything started with the disks, so he wants them back so he could end the conflict. notice how after tommy got his disks back he has been staying out of conflict, apologizing to everyone, and the only bad thing hes done is try to scam people but everyone does that. this would have been the most peaceful option, yet dream chose the path that would further antagonize tommy which then draws everyone else into conflict. why did dream need to have leverage over tommy so badly? why did he want to hold power over tommy so badly? its because of control, and that’s ultimately dreams end goal. sure he wants a big server family, but would said family have a free will?

‘but dream is sad’ the thing is dream is completely at fault for everything that happened to him. he pushed away sapnap (and george ig). he tried to take control over the server and their possessions. literally everything that happened to tommy. literally everything involving ranboo. villains can be sympathetic, i am not arguing against that. but it does not mean that they should be left off the hook. that doesnt mean u should ignore the shit theyve done because ‘oh no theyre sad’ because it doesnt make anything better. dream had this shit coming for him.

now people also skirt around calling dream an abuser. which is fair ig, its a very loaded word. its much easier to say manipulated. that being said, dream can classify as abusive. and no, tommy is not abusive. abuse is about control and a power imbalance. dream has power over tommy, but tommy does not have power over dream, at least not in the way dream does. he’s taking back power to stand up for himself, dream uses power to control.

the reasons i listed for why dream is from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project so if u want a source on that, there you go.

using coercion or threats: dream often threatened tommy, such as the pit thing and often employed violence on him. while normally this could be attributed to Normal Minecraft Player Go Smack. minecraft mechanics cannot always translate to real world since violence is pretty normal in minecraft however we also need to consider the context of the scene. dream gave an order, tommy refused, dream applies violence, tommy submitted. thats why its a threat, it has tangible effects that can correlate to real life.

using intimidation: dream blew up logsteadshire as a punishment. dream also destroyed tommys items anytime he visited. dream also hit tommy with his axe i believe. he killed mushroom henry, one of tommys pets.

Using Emotional Abuse: dream guiltripped the shit out of tommy for just hiding things and pinning the blame on tommy for just wanting his own private items. he definitely played mind games on tommy, pretending to be his friend. honestly i probably dont even need to go as in depth because it was so obvious.

Using Isolation: putting him in exile in the first place. destroying the bether portal so no one could visit tommy anymore. i really dont think i need to expand upon that.

Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming: dream in tommys stream when he got trapped said that exile wasnt that bad. he does shift the blame onto tommy for logsteadshire being blown up, even though dreams reaction was entirely unjustified for not listening and hiding.

Using Economic Abuse: see this is where i attempt to parallel minecraft mechanics to real life. obviously, there is no monetary system in place, so when i mean economic, i will use valuables such as armor, food, etc in place of currency. the idea behind economic abuse is to limit the victim’s resources so that they are dependent on the abuser and cannot escape. dream only really allowed tommy to have the armor he gave him while not giving access to armor so he does not regain a sense of power, and in the prison stream, dream holds all the potatoes which puts him in a position of power over tommy. this argument is more ambiguous i feel cause the whole minecraft mechanics thing is kinda weird so u don’t necessarily have to take this part in.

i feel like i need to emphasize this very strongly because dream is not a good person. abuse cannot and should not be a response to someone. its an awful mentality to have. i just want to prove the point that dream is not a good person, his reasons absolutely do not justify his actions.

what makes a good redemption

redemption arcs are tricky. when done right they are great. when done poorly, its a slap in the face. rn im going to establish a formula to what makes a good redemption with an example.

the most well known example of a good redemption is zuko from atla. first, its the magnitude of what theyve done and why. zuko did commit some shitty actions, since he was in a position of power in the fire nation but its because he is a child being abused and wanted to regain honor. zukos real awful acts was season 1 and the whole betrayal thing. thats not to say that zukos actions suddenly are okay, he did shitty things. but its something that can be traced to a higher entity or seem less malicious then the other villains. the thing also about the magnitude of actions is that there is a certain point of atrocities that there is no redemption. some people simply cannot be redeemed because the actions they commit are so ingrained in their character or the action itself has serious moral issues that it would just be wrong.

the next is acknowleding what they did was wrong. a genuine reflection on the self and analyzing what they did and why it was not okay. zuko realized what he did to uncle iroh was bad for example. he turned his back on his father, realizing he didnt and shouldnt seek acknowledgment from someone as heinous as him. its pointing out your actions and going ‘hey, this wasnt right i should not have done this’ and not even excusing ur actions. its also going straight for the root of the problem and figuring out to stamp it from the source. just because a character is sad does not mean they are reflecting, sometimes they are attempting to garner pity. it has to be direct and clear acknowledgement of the injustice.

and finally, an important part about redemption arcs is the actual redemption part. its when you make amends. zuko made amends with katara by trying to help her get revenge, he fought against the fire nation and tried to make things more peaceful in his rule. he apologized to iroh. an important part of the amends section is that it does have to be a genuine desire to change and become a better person, not to change a person’s perception of you. the thing is u cant expect a person youve hurt to forgive you. you cant expect people to be sympathetic towards you nor should u attempt to make urself sympathetic. u shouldnt be expecting a pat on the back or an award. redemption is about internal and character change.

why dream should not be redeemed

ive already established the key points to a good redemption (imo) but heres where dream falls short. his actions are extremely heavy so redemption may not even really be possible. abuse is not something you can wave off so it does cross to the point of fucked up. acknowledgement of what he did was wrong? all he said was that he changed, yet never explained why he changed or was too vague. he needed to label specifically what he did and bring it up. attempting to make amends? he’s been doing the exact opposite in fact he continues to manipulate tommy and ranboo. its not a genuine change. he is still repeating the cycle and has given no indication of ceasing. at the moment he does not have any signs of redemption.

and the thing is most of the attention around a dream redemption comes from either justifying his motives (which i do want to emphasize does not make anything suddenly okay) and because he is sad in prison sad face. these are not good reasons. its gonna pain me severely to bring this up but snape from harry potter does have some form of sad character ig yet he very much abused his authority to bully children as old as 11 just because he said ‘aight gonna die’ doesnt suddenly make his general bigotry and abuse suddenly okay there is a threshold. again im so sorry for using harry potter as an example none were coming to mind and i needed a popular one i do not like harry potter please dont say i do i would pass away.

and the last thing to consider is the audience. keep in mind that the audience is composed of minors and while yes there are adults, minors are the main component of the fandom. keep in mind that there are quite a few people who can relate to tommys character because they might be in the same position or have gone through his experiences. tell me what kind of message does it send to that audience that abusers can be redeemed. this is not a narrative u should push to this audience in these situations and the writers are seemingly aware of it. remember how in exile tommy spiraled into a suicidal mentality? consider how fucked of a message it would be if he just committed suicide instead of escaping abuse and attempting to recover from his experiences. tommy did an excellent job in not going that route and having a message of ‘it will not get better’. its the same thing here. victims are not obligated to care for or forgive their abuser, and portraying an abuser as sympathetic might fuck with the message a lot, even change their perception in that ‘oh, maybe my abuser was right, maybe they had a reason for treating me the way they did’. this is not to say that every victim watching this will internalize this message, but people also look up to these characters. there can be a degree of influence from the story onto oneself and thats the dangerous part.

conclusion

all in all dream is a shitbag asshole and probably shouldnt get a redemption because it would not be pog thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#dream smp #dsmp #tommyinnit #dreamwastaken

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thisisaname-whatahappyname · 2 years ago

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1) Are you named after anyone?

so i had two first names, and i was named after something in both ! but i wont talk about the second one cause it has been long dead, so now i have one first name !

and i was mostly named after the brand of milk my mom drank when she was pregnant called athena, and partly named after the goddess Athena, which is a fair summary of who i am as a person ! in parts bullshittery utter ridiculousness and silly n goofy in and out of context, and in parts actual potential:D

2) When was the last time you cried?

sometime this month

3) Do you have kids?

canonically, the same children that prev has, but it seems my dear has forgotten about ghost cat ,, (which is funny cause fae's the one who canonized ghost cat as a kid and not a pet, but seems as if she has favorites ): )

4) Do you use sarcasm? sometimes! most often when playing a character, but usually not much

5) what's the first thing you notice about people? online it's vibes, irl some random thing usually

6) What's your eye color? Dark Brown that's so dark brown it looks black unless you either look at it long enough or it hits the light

7) Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

i can enjoy happy endings if they dont feel forced, and while i love horror, scary movies are harder to get right for me than happy endings cause im more prone to having it accidentally turning a tag ridiculous because of poor cgi and or props, the monsters accidentally looking like a shitpost, or something about it reading off like an edgy wattpad fanfic, all of which i enjoy, but not in the way the author intended cause i feel no fear sadge

8) Any Special Talents? i am pretty good at art, and also better than avarage at essays and singing (not right now with the singing though, pretty sure i fucked my voice over a bit from overuse when my throat was infected)

9) Where were you born? In a city, im not gonna say which one, but just know it's in a city, is it in a city near you? well, who am i to tell?

10) What are your hobbies? is social media a hobby? also reading, drawing, and singing, i play videogames sometimes but not often enough that i can call it that (i should probably be on here less)

11) Do you have any pets? i have this street cat that acted as a pet for a bit, and my parents have two dogs that took over the old unfinished house

12) What sports have/do you play? i go on a walk at least once a week and that's as much as you're getting

13) How tall are you? an inch or two smaller than silver which means i am objectively closer to kneecap smashing ranges, which means 5'5 i think

14) Favorite subject in school? ive been enjoying mapeh (music, arts, physical education, health) and that's because the teacher is cool and poggers, english is also nice as a subject and it has been up there since most of my school years and the teacher is really nice and a good teacher

i think mapeh as especially fun and english as a especially nice subject so they both are my answer to this question >:}

15) Dream job?

youtuber/twitch streamer for numerous reasons, .

also fair warning! i know how this is easily able to come across, but, i know im not doing this with purely selfless intentions, and i also know im not doing this with perfectly selfish intentions, it's a mix on what i can get and give and that's part of the reason of why i like it so much >:D!

one the prospect of making other's smile and have that be my job is one i enjoy and twas my first goal when i decided this a bit back,

two just, i feel like id really enjoy that job, not only is the prospect of content creation fun, but just the thought that i could be myself essentially amd people would pay me for it as just, really nice,

and just, bro ive been in cc fandoms i know how much that shit can help people too, hell meeting someone through said fandom is probably the reason im alive and who i am now today (but they dont know this so shh) and just! i want to help people that way! i want to just, be able to provide comfort to people when things are wrong,

and be able to do that enough that it tips the scale over that they decide to not do it and using that via way if content creation, is just, not only is it objectively sustainable cause it means i dont need to face the emotional strain that would come with of personally playing therapist for thousands of people, but also, there's only one of me to go around, and if they just watch a video of me, that can provide comfort to a lot of people

and i just, dude not to mention the amount of money that comes from that, and just, to make a sustainable living just for being myself, to make more than enough money to be able to give away a lot of money, like! dudes, charities, fund raises like!!! dude, that's Way more money than id be able to give normally, with a ton of other jobs, and just! i want to do that

but yeah yeah! ah, tldr, i like the idea of being able to have a job where i can just, be myself and get paid, get paid more than enough where im able to give away a lot of money, where im able to raise a lot of money to give away, where im, able to help people emotionally too, even without knowing, just by being there

i just think that's cool

(also also, dont get me wrong, i know the bad stuff thay can come from it, the constant changing algorithms, and the platforms working against it's creators for said platforms own capitalist greed, but i also find studying algorithms fun, and i can probably find a way to deal with that last bit,

there's also a problem of when a fanbase gets too toxic and how to handle that, either to you personally and to other people as well, and ive been in the dsmp fandom, hell fucking shit, ive seen how dream acted and seen the consiquences if it personally, i at least have a good grasp on what not to do, hell ive seen how bbh's fanbase treated him in 2020, which means i also have a decent grasp on what not to do when people get to toxic to you as a cc

and also that whole "not putting me on a pedestal" thing ranboo did (and not doing it to avoid accountability but rather in admition that he can and will fuck up and not to act like he was this secretly bad person all along but rather to realize they are just a person and to just, tell him when they do) and admitting when he fucked up without being guilt trippy over it and explaining why he fucked up without acting like that excused his faults was also a good example on what to do)

15 tags 15 mutuals

*tips hat* @athemarina

1. Are you named after anyone?: No but there is this thing on my father's side of my family where give a name starting with the letter A to their child.

2. When was the last time you cried?: About a month ago.

3. Do you have kids?: Noh

4. Do you use sarcasm?: Why would I ever?

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?: The way they talk and I try to notice hand gestures a lot.

6. What’s your eye colour?: Dark brown

7. Scary movies or happy endings?: Either one or both

8. Any special talents?: Eh....I can do this thing with my arms, it's a bit hard to explain but one friend called it a 'bone breaker' and my other friend told me I was temporarily popping it out of it's socket.

9. Where were you born?: Earth. I assure you that I am not an alien.

10. What are your hobbies?: Writing, drawing, reading, day dreaming, plotting ways to rebel against my school.

11. Have you any pets?: Fishes.

12. What sports do you play/have played?: Speed skating, swimming

13. How tall are you?: 5'4'' (yes I am very short)

14. Favourite subject in school?: Art (I am a computer science student)

15. Dream job?: Honestly I am trying to survive through school. My dream job was crushed in 8th grade.

Tagging: @late-to-the-fandom @master-of-the-pigeon-religion @on-noon @caligraphyzev @calloumii @idreamofhamandcheese @rxd-bxttrflxss @isabellebissonrouthier @midnight-and-his-melodiverse@subuthetitan @i-eat-books-and-nutella @timetravellingkitty @avocado-frog @usernamewastaken @aohendo

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httpjeon · 5 years ago

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made of stardust: folia — seokjin (m.)

seokjin/reader | alien!au | fluff, smut

wordcount: 9.5k

contents: alien dick!seokjin (he has tentacles), intoxication, kissing under the influence, seokjin rlly cares about consent, squirting, vaginal and anal sex, light size kink, LOTS of kissing, seokjin knows he's good looking

— synopsis: stressed from work, you're sent on vacation to the beautiful, tropical planet of Liana where you meet a beautiful Folian man named Seokjin, who makes your vacation 10x better.

note: the first installment of mosd! ik it's been pretty anticipated; seokjin's version is the least convoluted and messy of the bunch so that's why he's first! taehyung is next!

blog masterlist — made of stardust masterlist

With a smile on your face, you inhaled the crisp, sweet scent that carried on the breeze. Adjusting your grip on your suitcase, you gazed out towards where you heard the soothing crashing of waves hitting the shore.

"Miss. ______?" you jumped at the sound of someone saying your name, drawing your attention away from the ocean.

"Um, yes that's me," you smiled, meeting the dazzling smile of a young woman.

"I'm Yura, I'll be your guide," she said, "I'll show you to your hotel."

"That would be lovely," you nodded, following her towards a black vehicle — a craft you had gotten used to seeing already.

She helped you load your suitcase into the trunk before opening the passenger door to let you in. You relaxed into the plush, red leather seat with a sigh and let your eyes drift towards the window. The sight of beautiful architecture and foliage passed by and you could just feel the built up stress beginning to evaporate.

At first, you hadn't wanted to go on vacation but eventually, you were urged to do so by your supervisors. As part of your job, they figured they could send you to Liana — a beautiful, tropical planet teeming with rain forests and life.

The planet was part of six in a solar system called the Vela System in the Fanet IV galaxy. It was a recently opened galaxy as part of the Interplanetary Relations Commission’s goal of making every galaxy accessible for visitation. Over a millennium ago, the Commission, started on Earth, began to expand from nearby planets to nearby solar systems and eventually nearby galaxies. While there were over 500,000 galaxies currently under the IRC’s treaty, more and more galaxies opened every month. The Fanet IV’s capital planet, Vulia, was the first to allow an IRC Embassy to be built and eventually the Commission’s reach expanded to all the planets.

Liana was the second, and most eager to open, the race of aliens known as Folia, excited to show their beautiful planet off to anyone. As a result, it quickly became somewhat of a vacation resort.

"You'll be staying in Vano's most prestigious hotel," Yura explained, making you break your gaze from the window to look at her, "You'll have direct access to private springs and you'll be right on the shore of the beach, it's really lovely."

"Wow, I can't wait," you smiled, gazing out the window once again.

It wasn't too long before you were pulling into a parking space outside a gigantic building — taller than anything you'd ever seen on Earth. You gaped at the hotel — the sign written in the native Folian script which you hadn't had the chance to learn yet.

Yura opened the trunk and pulled your suitcase from inside, extending the handle before motioning for you to follow her. You hurried your footsteps, unable to help but gape at the beautiful trees and plants that lined the hotel aesthetically.

The inside was beautiful, the walls, floor, and ceiling were made of marble-like stone that shimmered underneath the light. There was a young man at the counter, who smiled at the sight of you.

"Welcome! You're Miss. _____, I presume?" he asked, typing something on the hologram computer in front of him, "Your room is 1807 — this card will let you in."

You took the metal card from his hands, a little light blinking green on the end. You thanked him and pocketed it, following Yura towards the elevator.

She pressed several buttons on the wall, foreign words flashing across the touch screen as she tapped away on it with a well manicured finger. In the blink of an eye, the doors were opening to a beautiful hallway decorated with red and black accents. Stepping out, you felt your feet sink into the carpet slightly, making you lose your balance.

"Oh!" Yura gasped and grabbed your arm, giggling softly as you finally caught your balance, "Careful there..."

"Wasn't expecting that," you mumbled, stepping aside to let her roll your suitcase out of the elevator.

"Yeah, most people get surprised," she chuckled, "Typically you'll be barefoot out here, so wearing shoes kind of feels weird on the floor."

"The decorations here are beautiful," you mumbled, passing by a tall obsidian vase with flowers such a vibrant shade of orange that it hurt your eyes to look at.

"Yes, well, this is the most high-end resort on the planet," she said, stopping in front of a door, "You can only expect the best here."

You pulled the key card out and pressed it against the scanner, watching the light flash in a series of yellow blinks before there was a loud click. Yura turned the handle and pushed the door open.

You stepped inside and gasped at what you saw. A beautiful chandelier hung from the ceiling, casting a soft glow through the room. There were velvet, powder blue curtains drawn over the huge windows. Bypassing the canopy bed, you opened the curtains and smiled.

You were very high up on the 18th floor, allowing you to see the ocean disappear in the horizon. It was beautiful, the sun beginning to set, bathing the world in a brilliant shade of orange.

"Well, Miss. ______," you turned away from the window to see Yura leaning over the desk writing something down on a notepad, "This is my contact information. I am at your disposal, feel free to call if you have any questions or concerns. If you wish to go somewhere, please let me know and I'll be more than happy to show you around."

"Thank you so much, Yura," you smiled, walking her to the door to bid her goodbye.

Once you were alone, you let out a sigh and kicked your shoes off before pulling your socks off. Smiling, you felt your bare feet sink into warm, plush carpeting. The fibers were soft and seemed to swallow your feet.

Flopping back onto the bed, you breathed in the soft, sweet scent that wafted from the bedding. Hugging a pillow to your chest, you rolled over and gazed out the window as the sun dipped beneath the horizon. Your eyes began to feel heavy as you relaxed before you finally fell asleep— tuckered out from the trip from Earth.

You groaned as you stretched, slowly waking up. The first thing you noticed was the fact you'd fallen asleep in jeans — extremely uncomfortable. You sighed and sat up, casting a glance out the window to see the moon was sitting high in the sky.

Getting out of bed, you approached the window. The moon was brighter and closer to the planet than the moon on Earth and even the light from the city couldn't dim its reflection off the dark sea. The stars sparkled vibrantly in the sky and you smiled. Looking down, you could see the tide was hitting the shore more violently than it had been during the day. Backing away, you unzipped your suitcase and began to dig around to fetch some pajamas.

Before the trip, you had gone shopping for new clothes to wear to the alien planet. That included a new, expensive silk pajama set. It felt light and cool against your skin, felt even better as you curled up beneath the thick, soft blanket to properly sleep.

You adjusted the tie of your bathing suit behind your neck, the knot rubbing and irritating your skin. The elevator buzzed before the door opened and you stepped on, shivering as your bare feet hit the cold, tiled floor.

"What the..." you stared at the panel, flashing flights and holographic numbers confusing you. A message in the Folian language scrolled past on the screen and you sighed, deciding to just press the button beneath the "1", hoping it wouldn't take you to a basement.

The door opened immediately and you smiled proudly as you stepped into the lobby. Looking around, you adjusted your bag on your shoulder.

"Are you looking for the entrance to the beach?" you gasped, spinning around to look at the person who startled you. She smiled kindly, wearing a uniform with the name 'Lee' sewn into the fabric, "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you,” she apologized, bowing her head slightly.

"Oh it's...fine, yeah um," you cleared your throat, "I'm looking for the beach."

"If you'll go through those double doors, you'll find the access point," she said, motioning to the two glass doors across the lobby, “It's a panel on the wall at the end of the hall.”

"Thank you," you smiled before turning your back to her before making your way over to the doors.

You pushed them open and immediately got a huge whiff of sea salt. Walking down the hallway, your footsteps echoed off the tiled walls as you made your way towards the end. You stopped at the wall, a panel blinking on the wall just like the woman had told you.

It took you a moment to realize that it looked like the panel for your room so your hotel keycard may work. Mentally, you cursed yourself for not learning how to read the language before coming. Pulling the metal card out, you held it up to the panel, watching a pink light flash over it as it was scanned before the card blinked green.

Something let out a loud clunk and you stumbled away as part of the wall moved, indenting inward before beginning to ascend. You squinted as the sunlight blinded you and the sound of waves crashing against the shore and the numerous voices of beach goers met your ears. You stepped through the newly made doorway and jumped when it quickly slammed back down and vanished into a simple wall again.

As soon as your feet hit the sand, you sunk into it. Looking down, you wiggled your toes curiously.

It was sand unlike anything on Earth. It was purple — a very light shade that it was almost white and instead of being hot like you would expect from being blasted by two suns, it was cool. Crouching down, you grabbed a fistful, watching the tiny grains slip through your fingers back down to the ground.

You stood back up and looked out towards the water, the surface sparkling beneath the sun's rays.

It was a wonder to see two suns in the sky as opposed to the one on Earth. The larger of the two was similar to Earth's but a second, smaller one sat in its shadow a brilliant blood orange color. Your could also see the silhouette of a couple of the other planets as well — Vulia and Argo as the two nearest planets to Liana, you assumed.

The sound of someone scream caught your attention and you turned just in time to watch a man playfully push a woman into the water. You couldn't help but smile as she resurfaced, shouting in a language you didn't recognize.

It was true, what Yura had said; that Liana was an extremely successful vacation hub. You took a seat on the sand, enjoying the cool feel of it beneath you. Closing your eyes, you let the sunlight warm your skin and relax you.

It felt like you were there for hours before finally packing your things up. Your skin was still damp from a quick dip you had taken in the ocean — the water was startlingly warm as you had been expecting the cold shock that always came from the Earth's oceans.

You held the card in your hand as you approached the panel you had used to get out. When you scanned it, you were immediately blasted with the building's AC. It felt nice but a little chilly, causing goosebumps to rise all over your moist skin.

The door shut behind you and you sighed, looking around the tiled hallway. You were pretty tired, energy having been sucked out of you from swimming.

"Hey..." you noticed there was a glass door hidden away in a corner. There was a sign in the window that you couldn't read and approached it.

Pushing the door open, you stepped onto a warm carpet. There were sweet scents wafting from all around you, aromas that you couldn't help but inhaling more of.

Too busy looking around, you didn't notice a person heading right for you until he ran into you. You stumbled, gasping in surprise at the contact. Before you could fall, a strong hand grabbed your arm and steadied you.

"Whoa," he chuckled, "You good?"

"Ah, yeah sorry..." you bashfully cleared your throat, "Wasn't paying attention—" you stopped when you finally looked up. The man wore a confident smile on his pretty lips. His skin was soft, almost glowing without a single flaw in sight. He had broad shoulders and a sharp jawline, a beautifully proportioned body.

He was absolutely stunning.

"Let me guess...you're a tourist," he raised a perfectly manicured brow at you.

"H-How did you—"

"You all get this dreamy, astounded look on your faces when you see a Folian," he scoffed, folding his arms over his chest, “I'm Seokjin, by the way.”

"______...and um...I've met several Folians...since I've been here..." you mumbled, his voice alone making your eyes flutter.

"Nah," he shook his head, leaning closer, "Vano is actually predominantly IRC territory now, you know where all the embassies and foreign politicians come to stay and whatnot. Folians don't really hang around the resort," he grinned, meeting your gaze, "...you'll know when you see a pure-blooded Folain," he grinned, "Like myself."

"I-If...um..." his smile was so dazzling it left your brain scrambled for a second before you shook your head and continued, "If it's not common then why are you here?"

"Well," he chuckled and shrugged his shoulders, "The springs here are...insane."

"The springs?" you asked.

He nodded, "You haven't heard?"

"I mean...my travel guide told me there are some but..." you shrugged, motioning for him to continue.

"Oh, man," he smiled, "They're amazing — literally the best in the galaxy,” it was clear he was boasting, obviously feeling a strong sense of pride over the claim.

"Is that so?" you asked, allowing a small smile to come to your own face.

"Yeah," licking his lips, he shoved his hands in his pockets. Inhaling, you caught a whiff of his cologne and it smelled absolutely amazing. His eyes raked over your form and you became acutely aware that you were still wearing your bikini top, "You know, it's better...going with someone."

You crossed your arms over your chest and cocked your head to the side, "Are you asking me to go to the springs with you?"

"Yeah, I," he chuckled, nodding his head, "I guess I am."

"First, tell me what this place is," you said, motioning around the room.

"Oh, it's just a massage parlor," he responded, "People come in for a rubdown after being on the beach so they can go back to their rooms and relax. I got one before you came in."

You hummed, "I'll have to check it out..."

"So...you coming with me?" he asked, already making way for the door.

"Oh, uh yeah," you hurried after him, slipping through the door before it closed behind him.

You followed closely behind him, staring up at the back of his head. It made you realize that he was pretty tall. Too entranced in watching his hair bounce and the confident way he walked, you didn't pay attention to where you were going.

Suddenly, he stopped and you bumped into his back with a grunt.

“Hey…” you mumbled, stepping away to see him looking over his shoulder at you with a smirk on his face.

“Lost in thought?” he teased, raising a brow.

“No,” you lied, making him scoff.

“Sure, anyway, we're here,” he said, pulling a plush green curtain aside to wave you in.

Stepping past, you gasped at what you saw. Walls of shimmering rock closed in the space surrounding the spring. You could see steam rising off the surface of the water and it made your skin grow sticky from the humidity in the air.

“Come on then,” his voice was muffled as he was pulling his shirt over his head.

Your mouth went dry at the sight of his body; he was well built, and his skin was beginning to shine from the humidity. He reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, making you gasp and cover your eyes.

“Hey now,” he chuckled, “I don't know what you expected to see but…” he trailed off and you took your hands off your eyes to see he was already half submerged in the water.

“Y-You can't just do that,” you complained, pulling off the leggings you wore over your bikini bottoms.

“Do what?” he sighed, leaning back against the rocks lining the spring.

“Strip like that, are you even wearing anything?” you asked, finally making your way towards the water.

“Of course I am!” he gasped, “You’re not lucky enough to see me naked.”

“Oh the burden,” you replied sarcastically, rolling your eyes as he laughed.

You dipped your toes into the water and hissed at the heat. Your skin quickly adjusted and you were able to comfortably slip into the water and make your way over to where he was sitting.

“Does no one come here?” you asked, referring to how empty it was.

“Eh,” he shrugged, “I guess it's just not a busy time.”

You both fell into a comfortable silence, relaxing and closing your eyes as you let the heat of the spring ease all the tension your body retained. You could literally feel the stress melting off.

The peace was interrupted by boisterous laughter coming from the entrance way. You jumped as a couple of guys wandered in joking and goofing off with one another.

Your eyes were fixated on them — their good looks on par with Seokjin’s. You followed them with your gaze, unable to break away as the men shed their shirts and prepared to enter the spring.

“Hey,” you jumped when you felt Seokjin’s breath against your ear. Glancing at him, you found you were inches away from his face, “I know they're good looking, but you're here with me...shouldn't your attention be on me?”

“U-Um...I’m sorry…” you muttered, heart stuttering in your chest when you noticed how thick and pretty his lips were.

He smiled, “Good girl.”

Despite the fact you were submerged in a hot spring, you felt a shiver go down your spine.

Your trip was cut off shortly after when he let you know that he had somewhere he needed to be. You bid him goodbye and returned to your room, the memory of the beautiful Folian man lingering in your mind as you curled up to sleep that night.

You stepped out into the hallway, your flip flops dangling from your hand as you turned around and checked to make sure your door properly locked. Suddenly, a heavy hand landed on your shoulder and you swallowed down a scream as you spun around to see who it was.

“Seokjin,” you greeted with a smile, quickly relaxing, “You look nice.”

“Thanks,” he grinned, looking down at his own outfit. He was dressed nicely, black slacks and a white button down that had the sleeves rolled up with the first few buttons undone to expose his chest and collar bones. His hair was combed back to show his forehead and you could only say he looked like a model.

If he were a man on Earth he'd probably be the top male model in the industry with his good looks.

“What're you doing here?” you asked, adjusting your bag on your shoulder.

“I'm staying on this floor,” he replied, “Just happened to see you when I was heading to the elevator.”

“Oh, well that’s a coincidence,” you smiled, beginning to turn away to go to the elevator.

“Why're you going to the beach so late, it's starting to get dark?” he asked, halting you.

“The beach is really pretty at night,” you explained, “It's pretty common on Earth so I thought it might be fun here as well.”

“I see,” he hummed and shoved his hands into his pockets. He shifted on his feet almost awkwardly and you took that as your cue to let him escape the conversation.

“Well, I’ll see you later,” you offered him a small wave over your shoulder before you once again turned to make your leave.

"Hey, wait!" he called and you stopped again, turning to see him walking closer to you, "You haven't been here long right?"

"Just a couple days, why?" you asked.

"Well," he cleared his throat and shrugged his shoulders, "I was wondering if you had a chance to see...what Liana really has to offer."

"What do you mean?" your question caused a small smirk to appear on his lips and he leaned even closer so that you could see the way the lights reflected off his dark irises.

"I mean, outside of this resort," he said, "There's so much you can see and experience."

"I-Is that so?" you cursed yourself for stuttering but having him so close made you nervous — a fluttering kind of nervous.

"Yeah," he chuckled and stood up straight once again, "Why don't you get dressed up and come with me?"

He didn't really give you any room to argue, not that you wanted to, so you nodded and pulled your key card out. You could feel his eyes on you as you unlocked your door and slipped inside. Leaning back against it, you let out a sigh and looked around the room.

Scrambling to undress, you ran over to your closet and pulled it open. You mentally thanked your past self for packing a couple of more dressy clothes — just in case, you had told yourself when you hadn't known what to expect from your vacation.

Pulling out the tight black mini-dress you figured would match with Seokjin the best, you hurried to pull it on. Smoothing the fabric down, you ran to the bathroom and flicked the light on. Your makeup bag sat on the counter and you really didn't want to keep him waiting so you opted for simple eye makeup but a bold red lip.

Just as you were spraying some setting spray when there was a soft knock at your door. Sighing, you fluffed your hair a bit before racing to the door to slip your shoes on.

You yanked the door open to see Seokjin leaning against the door jamb, fist raised like he was going to knock again.

"You're so impatient," you complained, turning your back to pull your purse from your abandoned beach bag.

"What can I say?" he stepped back to let you exit the room.

Shutting the door, you let out a sigh, "Let's go then."

"You look..." he let out a low whistle, eyes scanning your entire body, "You look really good...you almost look better than me."

"Oh real flattering," you mumbled sarcastically, smiling when you heard him chuckling behind you.

When you left the hotel building, you followed him to a car garage to a craft that he opened with the press of a button. Climbing in, you looked around at all the buttons as he got on as well. He typed around on a small, holographic screen before the car started.

"Whoa," you whispered as you realized it was completely self driving.

You watched the glitz and glamor of the resort disappear into a dark, desolately populated area. The buildings were run down and there were few lights to be seen until the car pulled down a small side street with several small buildings lit up by neon signs.

The car shut off and he got out, opening the door for you as he waited for you by the sidewalk. Once out of the car, you could hear the deafening bass of music coming from the buildings surrounding you.

"We're going here," he grabbed your wrist, tugging you in the direction of a building lit up with the sign 'The Core' flickering above the blacked out door.

The floor was packed with people dancing and moving to the rhythm of the music. Cigarette smoke burned your eyes and made you cough as you let Seokjin lead you through the crowd. Reaching the end of dancefloor, he pulled you in the direction of another doorway obscured by a black curtain.

As soon as you stepped inside, you were knocked breathless in shock at what you saw. Inside there were dozens of lounge chairs and couches filled with people. Women sat on men's laps on the lounge chairs while men laid above women on the couches — all of them with wandering hands and lips locked in heated kisses.

Your mouth was dry at the shameless displays of intimacy, all of them practically having sex right there in the open. Seokjin didn't even cast a fleeting glance towards the people, instead tugging you in the direction of the empty bar counter.

Once seated, you were able to see another doorway beyond the wall with lights flashing from within. You leaned back a bit to see a woman pressed against the wall, arms wrapped around another woman's neck as they kissed. Blushing, you avert your gaze and glanced down at the shiny bar countertop.

"You got anything like this on Earth?" he asked, talking a bit louder to be heard over the muffled music coming from the other room.

"Um..." you clear your throat and shake your head, "I mean...we have nightclubs but...no one does..." you motioned towards the people and he chuckled.

"Well," he shrugged and raised his hand to wave the bartender over, "Get me some Red."

"Sure thing," the bartender nodded and turned his back to prepare the drink.

You watched his hands move to dispense some red liquid into a glass cup adorned with gold and jewel accents. He placed it in front of you both and dipped two metal straws into it.

"What's this?" you asked as he motioned for you to take a sip.

"It's a drink," he smiled, resting his cheek on his hand against the bar counter.

"Obviously," you muttered, eyeing the drink with a frown, "You drink first."

"A bit suspicious aren't you?" he chuckled to aimed the straw towards his mouth and took a couple sips, "See? I wouldn't poison you or anything."

"Is it alcoholic?" you asked, pulling the glass closer to you.

"Not in the way it is on Earth," he replied, "Though the effects vary for humans. It gives Folians a buzz and feelings of euphoria...but sometimes it doesn't even do anything for humans..."

You hummed and took the straw into your mouth and sucked. It was cold on your tongue, holding a sweet almost tangy taste you simply couldn't identify. Swallowing it down, you licked your lips to chase the remnants.

"What is it?" you asked when you finally pulled away.

"Blood," he replied, taking his straw to have another taste.

You blinked, brain slow to comprehend what he had said, "Come again?" your jaw fell open as you squinted at him.

"It's Folian blood," he said.

"You...you drink your own blood?" you asked.

He nodded, mixing it a bit with his straw, "It's a delicacy, as you tasted it's really tasty and like I said before...it causes a state of euphoria...why wouldn't we drink it?"

"Well..." you frowned and thought about his words, "I mean human blood tastes terrible so...I guess it's just a weird concept to me..."

"We're not the only ones who drink it," he explained, "It's manufactured and sold to all planets of the Vela System. It's a pretty good source of income for the planets economy."

You hummed and decided to take another sip. Once again the sweet, tangy flavor melted on your tongue and you sighed — it really did taste good. There was nothing on Earth you could even compare it to.

The two of you shared the drink until it was empty and he pushed the glass away. You felt so much more relaxed while he wore an almost dreamy smile on his face.

"So...what's up with all this?" you motioned to the dozens of people who were still latched onto one another without a care in the world.

"Hm? It's just...I dunno, you don't have sex on Earth?" you choked at the question and waved your hands quickly.

"N-No...I mean yes we do but..." you felt your cheeks heat up as you spoke, "It's sort of something more private, on Earth you'd be arrested for this."

"What? Why?" his brows were furrowed in confusion.

"Well...It's not something that's...meant to be seen by all, you know?" he shook his head and you sighed, "It's sort of an intimate act, I guess? I mean people have casual sex but it's not something that people want to share with the world...it's just private for us."

"I see..." he hummed and spun on the stool to face the people, leaning back against the counter with his elbows supporting him, "Here it's sort of hierarchical."

"What do you mean?" you asked, following his lead to turn towards the couches.

"Well, here sex is pretty important for us," he said, "It's sort of a social ranking. Really successful people who are deemed to contribute more to society are permitted to have multiple spouses. Instead of it being illegal to actually have sex in public here, it's illegal to take more partners than your social rank permits — depending on how many more you take the punishment varies."

"Whoa..." you whispered, "It's sort of an egotistical thing to have multiple partners on Earth— like a guy with the most scores has bragging rights."

"That's interesting," he hummed, "We've got egotistical assholes as well but..."

"How many are you permitted?" you asked suddenly, making him look at you in surprise.

Even you were shocked at your own question. It wasn't like you at all. Though, with every moment that passed you began to feel more of the effects of the drink. You felt so light and happy, completely worry free. It seemed like there were no consequences to anything you did or said, giving you a green light to ask him whatever you wanted with confidence.

He chuckled, "You're really feeling it aren't you?"

"Don't ignore my question," you mumbled, narrowing your eyes in what was probably a very non-threatening glare.

"Well," he slid off the stool and held his hand out to you, "I'm permitted a few."

"How many is a few?" you asked, taking his hand to let him help you down.

As soon as you were on your feet, you felt everything move beneath you and suddenly you found yourself crushed against Seokjin's chest.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice sounding a little distorted in your hazy mind.

"I...I guess," you giggled, enjoying the feeling of his arms around you as he began to carefully lead you to the exit of the club.

The entire car ride was a blur. You remember holding onto his hand and him allowing you to, keeping his eyes on you the whole ride. His gaze made your heart race more than the drink had and you felt goosebumps rising upon your skin.

No one spared you a glance as he helped you to the elevator to the floor you both shared.

"Where's your keycard?" he asked, chuckling as you leaned against the wall with a grin on your face.

"'N my bag..." you replied, letting him zip it open.

It took him a second to find it, accidentally grabbing your wallet first before finally pulling the card out from where it was buried on the bottom. His hand rested on the small of your back as you leaned into him, hugging his arm to you. The door clicked as it unlocked and he used his free hand to push it open.

Immediately, you kicked your heels off and signed in relief. You heard the door click shut behind you and turned to see him leaning against it with his arms crossed over his broad chest.

Once again, that feeling of confidence washed over you and you sauntered up to him. You felt him stiffen when you pressed yourself against him. His hands hovered in the air for a second before settling on your waist to pull you closer. Moving up on your tiptoes, you pressed your lips to his and he let out a stuttering sigh. His grip on you tightened just a bit as he kissed back, your lips moving flawlessly together.

Before you could lose your confidence, you reached up to undo a couple buttons of his shirt. He hummed against your lips, deepening the kiss before you broke away with a smile.

Biting your lip, you pulled his shirt up to untuck it from his pants, "You really are...so good looking."

"You're not so bad yourself, sweetheart," he muttered, his voice surprisingly deep. When you began to pull at the buckle of his belt, he suddenly grabbed your wrists.

"Wh-What's wrong?" you asked with a pout, biting your lip when you noticed how long and pretty his fingers were.

"I...would love to fuck you right now, seriously, I'm painfully hard right now," he whispered, making you giggle, "But you're not clear right now...and I don't want to take advantage, alright?"

"But..." he stopped you with a swift kiss to your lips.

"Get ready for bed, alright? I'll keep an eye on you for the night," he said, watching you pout as you collected your pajamas from the bed where you had left them earlier that day.

"Why?" you asked, making your way towards the bathroom.

"Because I've never heard of a human getting so messed up by Red before," his voice was muffled when you shut the door to the bathroom.

After taking off your makeup and getting changed, you wandered out of the bathroom to find Jin wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants while laying on your bed. His face was buried in a pillow but he looked up when you came out.

"Where'd you get those?" you mumbled, motioning to his attire.

"Went to my room," he replied with a brow raised, "I'm down the hall, remember?"

"Oh...right," he chuckled at the spacey look on your face before you climbed onto the bed.

It was strangely comfortable, though it was probably the drink, to sleep beside him. His hand rested on your waist as he kept his eyes on you until your breathing evened out and you fell asleep.

You were woken up by the soft sound of cursing and when you opened your eyes you saw Seokjin messing with a cart of food. He was crouched down, trying to pull the tablecloth from where it was stuck under the wheel.

"What're you doing?" you asked, voice rough from sleep.

"Huh? Oh! You're awake!" he smiled, stood up, "I got some room service, I was hungry and I figured you would be too."

"I actually am," you smiled, pushing the blankets off to climb out of bed.

"Help me with this," he mumbled, motioning to the cart, "It's stuck."

"I'll pull the cart while you get the cloth free," you said, waiting for him to kneel down and nod before executing the plan.

He gave a small 'ah-ha' of victory when it pulled free before standing up.

"Cute pajamas by the way," he said, pushing the cart over to the little table across the room.

"I..." you looked down at your matching pink pajama set and blushed, "Don't tease me."

"I'm not!" he laughed, setting the plates down on the table before motioning for you to sit.

"By the way..." you picked at your plate with a fork, "I'm sorry for last night."

"What do you mean?" he asked, taking a bite of food.

"For, you know...kissing you like that," you mumbled.

He chuckled, "I didn't mind one bit."

The tone of his voice had your cheeks heating up. Meeting his gaze, you found the almost cocky smirk on his lips and the dark glaze in his eyes. Squeezing your thighs together under the table, you remembered how it felt for him to hold you against him, how strong his grip was and how soft his lips were.

"Well...st-still..." you cleared your throat and took a bite from your fork.

"So I was thinking," he held the smirk on his lips, giving you a knowing look as he changed the subject, "We could go down to the beach since I sort of stopped you last night."

"Oh...you want to?" you asked. He nodded and you smiled, "Great! We'll get ready after this."

When you both finished eating, you excitedly got changed into your swimsuit while he went to his room to do the same. Slipping on some shorts, you opened the door to find Seokjin making his way down the hall.

He was shirtless, simply opting to wear his swim trunks with a towel thrown over his shoulder.

"Let's go then!" he smiled, taking your hand to tug you in the direction of the elevator.

It was cute, how excited he seemed, "What's got you so excited? You live here."

"Well, I've never been to the beach with a human before," he said, stepping out of the elevator, tugging you with him.

You squinted against the sudden burst of sunlight, the strange sensation of the cool sand on your feet. You noticed he was going in a different direction than the shore and asked him, "Where are we going?"

"There's a cool little cove around here," he said, "It's pretty quiet, not many people hang around it."

"Oh cool," you whispered, having to fasten your steps to keep up with his larger strides.

Finally, it came into view, large boulders and rocks with water harshly sloshing against them. He climbed up first, getting a steady stance on the rock before pulling you up. You laughed when he slipped a bit against the slickness and let out a small shriek of surprise.

You took a seat, dipping your feet in the water with a sigh. He followed your lead, leaning back on his hands with his head tilted back. Looking down, you gasped at all the colorful fish you could see swimming beneath the surface.

"Whoa, they're so bright!" you muttered, gaining Seokjin's attention.

"You don't have fish on Earth?" he asked with a raised brow.

"Of course we go but these are like neon!" you said, watching the way they circled on another, "I always imagine alien planets having terrifying wildlife."

"Ah, no there aren't too many dangerous creatures here," he said, "But Argo on the other hand, place is practically deadly."

"Ah, I've heard of Argo," you muttered in wonder before fixing him with a curious gaze, "Your galaxy is pretty new so I've only heard some stuff...rumors and the like, you know.”

"What do you do for a living on Earth?" he asked.

"I actually work for the Interplanetary Relations Commission," you said.

"But you don't know much about the planets?" he cocked his head to the side.

"No, unfortunately my job is more financial instead of scientific. I don't deal with the other planets or anything like that," you explained, "I just basically make sure the IRC doesn't like...you know...go bankrupt."

"I see," he chuckled, "Well, I think it's pretty cute how excited you got over fish."

"I...c'mon," you muttered, embarrassed by the compliment, "Do you know if it's possible to do like a sea dive or something?"

"Yeah, I think so," he said, "I can help you set something up tomorrow if you'd like?"

"Really? You'll do it with me?" you grinned and he nodded, "I'm so excited!"

You felt his eyes on you and turned to look at him, finding him smiling at you. He reached forward when he realized he had your attention. His hand was warm as he cupped your cheek, leaning forward to brush his lips against yours.

He smirked when he felt your breath stutter a bit in anticipation. Before he fully kissed you, however, he backed off and slid off the rock into the water with a splash.

"Hey!" you pouted, "That's not very nice."

"Who said I'm a nice guy?" he laughed, splashing water at you, making you gasp in surprise. Before you could recover, you felt him wrap his arms around your waist and tug you in. You cried out as your head dipped under the water.

Resurfacing, you went to yell at Seokjin only to find him swimming away in laughter.

You spent the entire day with him at the beach until the moon was rising into the sky. Wrapping a towel around your shoulders, you began to walk with him back to the hotel. You could hear the laughter of people nearby as they ran around on the beach and couldn't help but smile.

"What's up?" he asked, finally reaching the elevator.

"Nothing, it's just..." you leaned back against the wall, meeting his soft gaze, "I was sent here on vacation and I sure as hell didn't expect to be spending it with you."

The door opened and you stepped out, Seokjin following behind you. Fishing your card out, you approached your door.

"Is that a bad thing?" he asked, making you pause to turn around.

You smiled and shook your head, "No, actually you've really made it a lot better."

"Yeah?" he stepped so close that you could smell the sea salt clinging to his skin as he looked at you through damp bangs, "I can make it...even better, you know?"

"Can you?" your voice lowered and he smirked, leaning close so his nose brushed yours.

"Oh yeah," his lips met yours and you immediately wrapped your arms around his neck.

Tangling your fingers in his hair, you sighed into the kiss as you felt him wrap a strong arm around your waist. His lips were soft and warm, with just a hint of chapstick he had applied lingering on them.

You gasped when he suddenly lifted you up, taking a few quick strides before depositing you on the bed. You smiled as he crawled on top of you, resting his weight on his elbows on either side of your head so he could kiss you once more.

His hands carefully slid up your stomach, making goosebumps rise along you skin. You sighed, lashes fluttering when he cupped your breast in his hand. Pulling away, he met your gaze as he pushed the band up until both of your breasts came into view.

Thumb circling your nipple, he licked his lips at the soft whimper you let out. You reached up and cupped his jaw, pulling him down for another kiss.

Giving the bud a soft pinch, he chuckled when you gasped into his mouth. He broke the kiss to leave small pecks down your jaw and chest until he could envelop your nipple in his mouth.

The way your back arched in response had him groaning. Cupping your other breast, he rolled the bud between two fingers until he felt your hands wrapping in his hair.

He chuckled and began to leave kisses down your stomach until he reached the band of your shorts. Casting a glance up at you, he found you staring down at him with your bottom lip caught between your teeth.

Before he could do anything, you hooked your thumbs into the hem of your shorts and began to push them down. He helped, pulling them from your legs as you pulled your bikini top off so you were completely bare before him.

“Fuck,” he whispered, sitting back on his heels to get a good view of your body. Gripping your knees, he carefully spread your legs apart until your wet folds were fully in view. He licked his lips and reached forward, running his fingertips over your slit to collect the wetness there before bringing them to his mouth. His eyes fluttered at your taste on his tongue and when he licked his fingers clean, he knew he needed to taste more.

“Jin—” you gasped when he dove down to find your pussy with his tongue.

Sliding his tongue between your folds, he groaned at your sweet taste. He laid on his stomach, wrapping his arms around your thighs to hold your open for him. Finding your clit, he took the bud into his mouth and relished in the moan you let out. Gripping at his hair, you ground your hips down to meet his sinful tongue.

You grew wetter by the second, he could feel the way you were dripping. His ego swelled, knowing he was able to turn you into such a mess. He pulled back for a breath, licking his lips and looking up at your disheveled state.

Your hair was wild and splayed over the pillows. Your lips were red and swollen from how you were biting them in your pleasure. His eyes followed the movement of your hands as you cupped your own breasts to pinch and tug at your nipples.

“Please,” you whispered, arching you'd hips upwards.

He smirked, knowing exactly what you were begging for. Not wanting to leave you yearning, he spread tour folds with his thumbs until he could see your entrance clenching in anticipation. Meeting your clit once more, he flattened his tongue as he gave it a slow, long lick.

You cursed, tossing your head back into the pillow. It had been a while since you got laid, work having taken over your life. With Seokjin’s talented tongue working your cunt like it was his job, however, you realized just how much you'd missed it.

Your walls were beginning to spasm and tighten. Clutching his hair tighter, your body became tense with the oncoming orgasm. He groaned, taking your clit into his mouth once again.

Within seconds, you came. Your thighs trembled in his hold and he could feel your bud pulse in time with your high. The moans and whimpers of his name you let loose made him acutely aware of just how hard he had become.

You finally began to push him away as the stimulation inched into overstimulation. He pulled away, sitting up as his chest moved with his heavy breathing. Licking his lips, he collected whatever juices he had missed on his thumb to lick clean as well.

“You're...really good…” you mumbled, still catching your breath from the incredible orgasm he had given you.

He chuckled, “Thanks, I try my best.”

His response had you laughing and you sat up, wrapping your arm around his neck to pull him in for another kiss. Kissing him was phenomenal, he knew just how to move his lips and when to use his tongue. You could taste your own juices and you eagerly caught every lingering taste.

As you reached for his swim trunks, ready to push them down, he stopped you. You stopped and looked up at him curiously.

“Hang on…” he cleared his throat and took your wrist in his hand, pulling our fingers from the hem of them.

“What is it?” you asked, worried you had done something wrong.

“It's just…” he sighed, “My...anatomy is different from a human man’s.”

“How do you know what a human man looks like?” you asked with a brow raised.

He chuckled, “I've heard stories and seen things from visitors.”

“I see...well…” you used your free hand to run down the smooth plane of his chest, “Different how?”

His smile faded a bit as he reached down to tug the hem of his swim trunks down. Your mouth fell open a bit as his member came into view.

It was an angry red, clearly throbbing with his arousal. There was one main appendage with four smaller ones surrounding it. He wrapped his fist around himself and sighed in relief.

You reached out and let your fingers graze one of the smaller ones. He hissed and you gasped when it twitched, almost wiggling, away from your touch.

“Whoa…” you mumbled, knocking his hand away to grip the main one like he had.

It was warm, pulsing with his heartbeat. It was slick, allowing you to easily stroke him until his head fell back in a moan.

“P-Pretty different, huh?” he choked out, ears turning red the longer you stared at him.

“Very…” you whispered, “Almost like...tentacles…”

“I-I guess,” he grunted, eyes fluttering as you felt his cock leak even more, “Shit, d-do you still want to…?”

He trailed off and you paused, staring at your hand wrapped around him. Although it was something you never dreamt of seeing or touching, you felt yourself clench at the thought of having him inside you.

“Yeah…” you whispered, smiling when you saw him sign in relief.

“Good because if you said no, I would be going back to my room with the worst case of blue balls in my life,” he said and you giggled as you laid back, admiring his pretty smile as he grinned at your laughter.

Releasing your grip on his cock, you glanced at your hand. His precum lingered on your skin and you curiously brought one finger to your lips. You felt his eyes burning into you as you took your digit into your mouth.

Your eyes widened at the taste. It was sweet — indescribably so, almost like sugar. He wore a small smile, as if he understood your thinking. He didn't say anything, however, simply shifted on his knees and spread your legs apart once again.

You were still dripping and he could see your hole clenching pathetically around nothing — begging to be filled. He was more than willing to do just that.

“Flip over,” he said, holding onto your hips as you clumsily rolled over, “Hands and knees,” you did as he asked, perching your ass high in the air, “Good girl…”

You kernel under the praise and he could see you clench, making him chuckle. Rising on his knees, your breathing stuttered as you felt the almost silky texture of his cock prodding your entrance.

Despite the extra tentacles, his cock was pretty similar to a humans. The head of him was the thickest part as he began to push in. Burying your face in the pillow, you let out a groan when you felt your walls beginning to stretch open to fit him.

He panted, running his hand soothingly along your spine. You were clenching so tight, cunt struggling to accommodate the fat head of his cock. Both of you groaned in unison when it finally popped on, the rest of his length easily sliding in until you were completely filled.

He sat still, feeling you spasm and drip around his cock until you let out a whine, “Please move, Jin.”

“Fuck,” he breathed, “Alright, sweetheart.”

Your breathing stuttered as he pulled out, the shape of his cock allowing him to drag over your sweet spot in a way no human could. Your eyes rolled back and your thighs trembled at the feeling, making Jin’s cock throb against your walls.

“Oh god…” you whimpered, biting down on the pillow when he sunk back into you.

He chuckled above you, holding onto your hips for leverage so he could hammer into you. He let out another curse, head falling back when he felt the tip of his cock hit your cervix, making you clamp even harder around him.

“You feel so good,” he growled, “So tight.”

“Y-You’re gonna m-make me cu...cum,” you sobbed, clutching the pillow until the material groaned in protest, “Already…”

He scoffed, “‘Cause my cock is better than anyone's, huh?” you didn't respond, too lost in the painful heat that came whenever he bottomed out in you, “Tell me,” he snapped.

“Y-Yes, so...so fuckin—” your praise was cut off when you felt something touch your clit.

Glancing between your legs, you felt tears sting your eyes from the overwhelming pleasure as the tentacle on the underside of his cock met your clit. It moved as if it had a mind of its own, your own juices mixed with his allowed for it to swirl effortlessly around the bud.

Your high was coming faster than you could have ever expected. You knew it was going to be strong and part of you thought it could almost make you black out. Watching the tentacle move, you let out a low whine when the tip of it slipped beneath the hood of your clit to find the bare, vulnerable bud directly.

It was the final blow and before you could voice it out, you were cumming. Seokjin groaned as you trembled and moaned beneath him, a gush of juices almost forcing his cock from your cunt.

The bedding grew wet but he didn't stop fucking into you, even as you sobbed into the pillow.

“Such a messy girl,” he growled, cupping your ass cheeks to spread them apart, “Never would have guessed you'd be such a slut.”

The name made you groan and twitch around him, making him chuckle. The way he was reducing you to nothing but a spasming, drooling mess was incredible. Never before had anyone reacted so strongly to him — maybe he should fuck humans more often, he mused.

You were lost in space, your mind unable to think of the world beyond the fat cock stuffing you full. You were sure nothing would feel better than this but the feeling of another one of his tentacles had you second guessing.

“Can I fuck you here too?” Jin asked, voice low and rough as the tentacle prodded at your ass.

“I-I…” you whimpered and nodded.

“Use your words,” he snapped, slapping your ass harshly, leaving a burning sting in the impacts wake.

“Yes please!” you choked out, the words almost impossible to get out.

“Good girl,” he praised, making you whimper.

Holding your breath, you gasped as you felt the tentacle carefully begin to slide into the right hole. The lubrication on it allowed for an extremely easy entrance — it wasn't too big so there was minimal burning from the stretch. It was still there but it quickly dissipated, making you sigh.

The tentacle moved in time to his pounding hips, reaching deeper inside with every inward thrust. The sound of skin slapping together filled the space mixed with your moans and his groans.

Already sensitive from two prior orgasms, the added tentacle along with the one still playing with your clit, leaving you a drooling mess.

Seokjin was nearing his own end, grip on your hips tightening as his thrusts started to become sloppy, “Cum for me...c’mon…” he whispered, encouraging you over that edge.

As soon as you hit your high, the first spasm of your calls around him sent him over as well. His chest met your back as he groaned, his cum filling you.

There was so much, more than you could have expected. It overflowed, being forced out of your clenching cunt as he continued to rut into you to ride the high. Dripping down your thighs, it added to the mess you had made earlier.

You could even feel the tentacle stretching ass open throb in time to every pulse of cum. Slowly, you slumped down as your orgasm faded.

He pulled his cock from your cunt, groaning as he watched the rest of his cum spill from your stretched hole. The tentacles pulled free as well and you collapsed on your side with a sigh.

Your thighs were sore from being in the same position for so long but otherwise you felt euphoric. Seokjin followed your lead and laid beside you, chest heaving as he caught his breath.

“Well…” you sighed, making him look at you. His cheeks were flushed and his bangs stuck to his forehead from sweat, “You certainly did make it better…”

He laughed, “Oh yeah? How has it been so far as a vacation?”

“A few more days of this and I'm pretty sure I’ll be stress free for the rest of my life,” rolling over, you met his lips for another kiss as laughed softly.

You let yourself relax against him, relishing in the soft caresses and pecks he left along your skin. Part of your heart aches as you remembered that after your vacation, you wouldn't be able to see him again.

Disregarding the feeling, you turned your attention back to the beautiful man in front of you who was more than willing to make sure this vacation would be one that you remember for the rest of your life.

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jcfoxington · 3 years ago

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@sambambucky : “pls... Pastels, Peaches and Pain??? among us first draft??? marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts (it’s not an au!?!??!)

hi jo !!! Pastels, Peaches, and Pain is one of those sambucky wips i have mostly fully fleshed out in my head because of one (1) extreme moment of clarity after a rogue ‘what if’ tangent thought but havent written anything of yet out of restraint / knowing i need to finish at least one of my current sambucky wips before i start it or none of them will get done

this was the rogue tangent thought: “what if Sam is haunted by Figaro’s ghost and has been since he was a kid?”. i’ve changed the ghost cat to not be Figaro but that’s the premise !

i refer to the fic as the cat fic ‘cause the whole plot is based around sam’s ghost cat companion insisting he adopts nat’s cat Liho after endgame and then Figaro later and then [insert redacted because plot spoilers but just know it relates to Alpine]. no im not projecting my feelings about cats idk what youre talking about

here’s some note snippets just for you:

the cat, inexplicably, takes a liking to bucky, which is really annoying bc sam doesnt know how to explain to him that all the oddly soft gusts of wind are actually sam's dead cat insisting on getting pats

bucky getting shade thrown at him by said ghost cat during all of tfatws + them making up (and not out. yet)

starts when sam's a kid & follows him as he grows up w/ a ghost kitty as a companion only he can see & interact with + angst with an undertone of comedy + getting together

he whispers to ghost kitty, who simply mmrrs happily

for the among us first draft thing, what basically happened is i saw this tweet and this video and my brain latched onto these dynamics so hard i had to write about them.

here’s a sketch of my two main imposters, Black (left) and Cyan (right):

and here’s a snippet:

The thing having Cyan pause and stare out at the asteroid field is how the colors stretch to family. When they and Black came aboard, they had thought every crewmember was an adult working on the planet-change project. That the patch of off-white with a black something-pattern-or-shape signified status. In a way, Cyan supposes it does, but just not the way they expected. They had expected it to show what rank an individual held within the hierarchy of the crew, from deckhand to division leader to captain, not to show that you're family of the crew and not actually part of the crew itself.

There are innocents on this ship. Children. It was not something any of them had anticipated, and not something Cyan had been prepared to deal with. They and Black boarded this horrible place to eradicate a threat, believing each and single one of the humans were accomplishes and dedicated to the goal of destroying Cyan and Black's species, and their planet. But, now?

marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts... doesn’t have a wip title or seperate document for itself yet cause it’s been stuck in my ‘story ideas’ document since its creation. so ‘marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts’ is literally just me describing the vibe of an original world gjkerfkds

the world came to be for two reasons. firstly, i want to do make take on a superhero universe because the plot and complete lack of communication in both the dcu and mcu piss me the fuck off. secondly, needed a place to dump ocs with elaborate backstories or fantasy / sci-fi abilities that dont fit into any of my existing worlds

which sounds super competent but trust me, it isn’t. it didn’t gain any solidity at all until i decided to do a personal ‘how different can i make spn castiel look & still retain the same vibe?’ challenge. i have my own cas now

however, the reason i said ‘marvel meets...’ is because i’ve snagged a couple of different things from the mcu, most notably: enemies to reluctant coworkers to lovers, yes our best friend have the same name. no they’re not the same person, secret evil org is controlling the government, and the assassin that tried to kill you several times is now your best friend

warframe was added to the world because i got attached to my Volt build, gave them a name, and have some headcanons idk what to do with because i refuse to interact with that fandom. also because the friend i made through discussing warframe lore + plot dicked me over so it feels Bad to create for

the glue to this whole mess is that one “in every friend group there’s a mean bisexual, an even meaner lesbian, a she/they, a he/they, a himbo, an astrology bitch, a short king, and a token straight” tumblr post. my main group of superheroes ala the avengers consist of these people. the token straight is the only one i havent figured out who is yet

ever since i figured that out ive been throwing story / character ideas and weirdly specific aesthetics from popular tumblr posts into this world’s notes. here’s some examples:

sword grandmas

that trope where someone’s really nice and acts super well-adjusted to society but then they do something super whack and dangerous and you realize ‘oh they’re secretly a little bit insane, actually’

anti-gay group’s leader’s wife leaves him for another woman

superhero who swore to be the best hero [city / planet / solar system / continent / ????] has ever seen ever since he lost his wife. not because she’s dead but divorce just sucks & the hero-to-be is terrible at coping

dishevelled swamp witch

that one person who runs around with an amulet all the time & isn’t aware it’s cursed

an exasperated, tired superhuman assassin running after their husband and their husband's best friend. their husband and said husband's best friend both have wings. chaos ensues (yes, this one is a sambucky post)

ask me about my WIPs!

BONUS:

@sambambucky : #i want to have a coffee and listen to synopses of all of these.... #i miss the discord wow #WRITING TAG #waitttt time jumping dream movie? lmao I'VE READ THIS LIST FORTY TIMES and every time i rediscover something i wanna know about #outfit doodlesss ugh i need to go

couldnt not respond to your tags because they make me go ghrkjfnerknf but in the good way. we miss you too jo !!

the time jumping dream movie was one of the first vivid dreams i had and the whole thing was so stupidly coherent and whacky i had to write it down. it grew plot, a queer love dynamic, weird sci-fi apocalypse elements, anti-military propaganda, questionable science, and a sequel while i wasnt looking and now i just. have to make it a real movie or i’ll combust

outfit djoodlles.png is only on there because my best friend sent me a ‘draw this outfit’ meme and space kitty, my current character brainrot, stole all the outfits for himself. otherwise, that file just sits there until im feeling like designing an outfit or wanna see how a stupid thing looks on my oc patrick

here’s one of the two poses-to-doodle-outfits-on of space kitty ive made so far:

and here’s one of those stupid things on patrick (that then turned into an actual outfit of his because i have no self control):

#.jax speaks #.my art #.my writing #tysm for the interest jo !!!#if you have literally any questions or if youre serious about the synposes thing...#i love rambling abt my stupid brain people #i WILL answer all your questions #even if the answer is 'good question! ive got no clue'#.patrick mortensen #.space kitty #.pastels peaches and pain #.the among us thing #.marvels meets warframe meets tumblr posts #.time jumping dream movie

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oneboxofmatches · 3 years ago

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This is a request I did for the amazing @strawberry-caffeine -- she’s been so kind to me and it was an absolute joy to do this request!

A few things: With the length of the request, while I still included friendship matchups, I decided not to write out descriptions/explanations along with them. To (hopefully) make up for that, I put the #1 friendship choice in BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS with two other bonus characters I think you’d be good friends with in regular bold type (except for the Harry Potter: Marauders era because there aren’t many choices haha). I hope this is okay!!

Here we go!

--Supernatural--

I romantically pair you with…

JACK KLINE

You’re good at hyping your friends up? Please give this boy all the hype in the world -- he needs it.

Seriously though, one (out of many) of the reasons Jack loves you so, so much is how you’re able to talk him out of a slump. His constant doubts and insecurities regarding his identity plague him often, and the fact that you’re willing to both listen to him pour his heart out and still find a way to reassure him means the world.

Jack’s also still getting the hang of the whole “talking” thing, so you helping him along when a lull in the conversation arrives makes him feel supported.

Not only does your helpful nature benefit Jack, but it’s also one of his favorite traits of yours! He believes in a kind, just world and consistently seeing that from you never fails to bring a bright smile to his face.

Whenever you bottle up your feelings, however, Jack is admittedly at a loss at first. Though it would take patience, turning these moments into teaching opportunities will help him become more in tune with emotions over time.

During these moments, all he wants to do is help -- even before he really understands what’s going on. He’ll ask you what you need and rush to assist in any way he can. He hates seeing you hurt, it’s as simple as that.

Jack loves being around you because he learns so much, and you’re just as eager to teach him. Together, you learn to appreciate the little things in life because you both bring such different perspectives to the world.

Overall, the kindness you show Jack from the beginning is what drives your relationship, and he makes it his goal to make sure you know how loved and appreciated you are in return.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

CASTIEL, Garth Fitzgerald IV, Charlie Bradbury

--Harry Potter--

In the Golden Trio era, I romantically pair you with…

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM

Honestly, Neville’s insecurities may make him feel a little intimidated by you at first. Thoughts like, “How could someone as friendly, energetic, and spontaneous as her ever love me of all people?” are pretty common in the early stages of your relationship.

Of course, you help Neville understand fairly quickly that you aren’t going anywhere. Because you’re so good at reading and interpreting emotions, you’re able to assist him with addressing these doubts head-on. These personal conversations are what truly solidify your trust in one another and serve as the strong foundations of a powerful bond.

Also, Neville really appreciates your ability to keep a conversation going. He sometimes struggles with this himself, but he’s relieved he doesn’t have to worry about these shortcomings when it comes to you. Talking with you just comes naturally.

While his verbal communication can use some work, Neville is one of the best listeners to have on-hand when it comes to any problems that arise in your life. Someone’s pushing you to your limit? Neville has all the patience in the world to let you rant so you don’t have to bottle up your feelings. Need to talk through solutions to personal issues? He’ll give you his undivided attention while you work your way around to an answer, providing feedback if you ask for it. Feel the need to ramble? Neville will not only listen, but he’ll actually take a genuine interest in whatever it is you’re talking about.

While he otherwise second-guesses all his decisions, Neville surprisingly really enjoys venturing on unplanned, impulsive adventures with you. A favorite for the both of you is exploring areas on the grounds or in nature. You’re usually the one to charge ahead, excitedly talking while Neville hangs back a few steps. He takes in his surroundings, sure, but mostly he’s just watching you and simply feeling happy from the joy you radiate.

Speaking of things you love to do together, gardening is near the top of the list! One of Neville’s deepest passions is botany, and he doesn’t share his knowledge with just anyone. Seeing you take a true interest in your shared garden gives him all the warmest, fuzziest feelings imaginable.

Overall, you’re the one to bring Neville out of his shell, and he’s the one who takes time to listen to you. You bring out the best in each other, and your unbreakable bond makes the two of you fiercely loyal until the end.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LUNA LOVEGOOD, Nymphadora Tonks, Molly Weasley

In the Marauders era, I romantically pair you with…

REMUS LUPIN

You want to talk about one of the most understanding and patient individuals out there? It’s this one.

While Remus isn’t always keen on discussing his own emotions, he is very astute when it comes to sensing the well-being of others. Whether you’re burnt out, overwhelmed, on the verge of a breakdown or something bad just happened to happen to you that day, he knows.

Having people like James and Sirius as friends has taught him both how to tune in to the ramblings of a hyper person as well as how to utilize selective hearing. Remus realizes that he never wants to use that second skill with you. Unlike his friends (who he loves very much, mind you) he wants to take in everything you tell him.

It’s this active listening that makes Remus an excellent gift giver. A majority of the things he gives you are from offhand comments that you don’t think twice about making in the moment.

One of Remus’s absolute favorite things about you is the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you’re passionate about. He finds this trait so endearing, and it’s an easy way to make him smile.

Caring for you when your thoughts are traveling especially fast becomes second nature to Remus. Whenever he knows that he’ll see you, he always has at least one outlet (pen/paper, alcohol marker, etc.) for you. He’s also more than fine with you drawing something on his hand if you’d like -- he loves watching you work and he also gets to walk away with something that can remind him of you!

Remus also excels in history, reading, and writing, so I can definitely see many conversations between you two that revolve around these subjects. Also, after both of you complete your own essays, I believe proofreading and/or discussing each other’s work would become a habit of yours.

Overall, the shared ability to read and interpret emotions as well as the simple wish to care for one another draw you two together to form the sweetest couple around!

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LILY EVANS

--Marvel Cinematic Universe--

I romantically pair you with…

PIETRO MAXIMOFF

Pietro was first drawn to how easily you can hold a conversation. He recognized immediately how easy it was to joke around with you once you warmed up (which didn’t take long -- Pietro’s somewhat gifted with the power of easy conversation himself). You both felt comfortable around each other relatively quickly.

Yes, Pietro’s known for his impossibly quick movements, but no one stops to think that this requires impossibly quick thinking. While Pietro has had some time to grab somewhat of a hold on his abilities, he still struggles with thoughts that just move too fast for him. You show him some of your tactics for dealing with this, and it literally changes his life.

Up until that point, your interactions had been mostly fun and rather lighthearted. But helping Pietro in such a thoughtful way and relating to him on a level that no one usually can made him see you in a different life. That’s how he knew he loved you.

This can be a chaotic relationship at times to say the least.

Many of your conversations can hardly be followed because you often build off of each other’s energy. While your quick minds are often on the same page, a third person might not be able to keep up.

Pietro does NOT hesitate when it comes to standing up for you. As soon as he learned about your people-pleasing habit, he took it upon himself to be on guard for anyone who could possibly take advantage of you. While you may find it hard to say no, Pietro has no problem stepping in and telling someone to back off.

You might feel as if he goes a little overboard with this sometimes, telling him that it “wasn’t right to be mean to that person.” He’ll just glance at you, shake his head and start up a lecture (albeit not a harsh one -- he really does care about you!) about asserting personal boundaries.

Pietro and his ego LOVE compliments, so you can expect a welcome reaction to each one you give him.

He’s also a big fan of going on spontaneous trips, discovering different parts of the world side by side.

But he’ll also settle for getting to hold you while you two talk about your day.

Overall, Pietro has no problem matching your energy, and you both want nothing more than to discover the adventures life has to offer together.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

VISION, Thor, Tony Stark

--Hamilton--

I romantically pair you with…

JOHN LAURENS

John has a lot of respect for someone who manages to include everyone, so it’s no wonder you caught his eye.

First impressions already told him you were friendly and empathetic, but discovering the more energetic and spontaneous side of you? Yep, he was in love.

Both of you have always had a desire to help people, so being able to do that with someone who shares the same passion and energy feels special. You’re more than a couple; you’re a team.

Whenever John’s troubled by what’s going on in the world, it doesn’t take him long to turn to you. He’s one of the most stubborn people alive when it comes to admitting he needs help, but all he knows is that talking to you seems to relieve him of some of that load (please be patient with him!!).

Meanwhile, he knows you have your own ways of coping with racing thoughts so he feels comfortable giving you space when you need it. If what you need is a person to listen, however, he’s there in a heartbeat.

Serious topics aside, you two just know how to have fun! Between your friendly personalities that naturally draw others in and your impulsive natures that (most of the time) lead you to exciting experiences, you make so many mutual friends! Sharing a group of close friends -- surprise, surprise -- brings you and John even closer.

Overall, you and John can always be found by each other’s side when facing whatever comes your way, good or bad.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

PHILIP HAMILTON, Marquis de Lafayette, Peggy Schuyler

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mysticmilks · 4 years ago

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Kylux - Incubus/Demon hunter

Chapter 1: Hunting

[Chapter 1 (part I, part II), Chapter 2 (part I, part II, part III), Chapter 3 (part I, part II, part III), Chapter 4(part I, part II, part III, part IV), Chapter 5 (part I, part II, part III)]

Ben swallowed cheap tequila and put an empty plastic shot on the counter. The popular electronic music was busting from badly tuned speakers. Drunk students were laughing, talking loudly, and dancing around him. He paid zero attention to them. They all were just a distraction from his goal. His mission. His chance to finally prove himself.

His mentor Luke, who was also his uncle, had told him so many frustrating times that he hadn’t been ready. His mom, one of the leaders of their Order, had told him he hadn’t been ready too. Today he would show that they all were wrong.

Ben was in the middle of the party in a frat house. He had been looking for his target for the last few weeks and tracked him—Ben was pretty sure the demon was disguised as male— to the Arkanis University campus. It was one of the oldest and the most prestigious establishments in the country. It had a long and proud history full of traditions, prominent alumni, and famous professors. The smartest kids dreamed to get into Arkanis.

Ben would never guess that by looking at the drunk half-naked dancing in this place that reeked of cheap alcohol and weed.

Earlier today, the location crystal had pointed to this house. Well, thinking about it now, Ben must admit that it was a logical place for a hungry incubus to set his hunting base.

He wanted to leave. The place was charged with emotions. Viscous emotions — dull lust, drug-induced anxiety, jealousy. The music was too loud. The headache started to form at his temples.

He turned his head and felt the demon in the room. It was like tingling in his mind, and—because of the nature of the demon—a barely noticeable heat in his lower belly. Everyone was unnaturally aroused around an incubus on a hunt — a fact that Ben had learned, preparing for this mission. This type of demon was feeding sexual energy. They were, quite literally, sex vampires, draining their victims during copulation.

Ben looked around. The space was fully packed with sweating, sexy dressed students. Anyone could be an incubus. Ben’s gaze stopped on the dark-haired maiden who was dressed like an early 00’ pop-star — mini-skirt, crop-top too tight for her boobs, high-boots, and even sparkling choker. It might be her, but Ben's research had pointed to a male.

Ben turned his attention at a jock, who was showing off his muscles to a group of girls. He was radiating sexual energy and even without Ben's senses it was obvious how predatory he was looking at young drunk ladies near him. Ben stood up to get closer to him, but loud crude laughter distracted him from the potential incubus.

He turned his head and saw a handsome man who must have been in his last year or a grad student. He was stylishly dressed, had perfectly combed blond hair, and an expensive watch. The was something malicious in him, but probably not unnatural — just a rich kid, who thought that the world belonged to him, and didn't care about the rest of the commoners. The blond guy was pouring a drink to someone, while two other frat bros near him were snickering and telling jokes, gesticulating theatrically.

Ben peered over their shoulders and saw a guy whom they were getting drunk. He was cute, even too cute for this kind of party — he looked like a person who spends his time in the library instead of such places. He was dressed in a checked buttoned-up shirt and light slacks, his red hair in disarray as if someone messed with it recently. He was very young. Probably a freshman. Definitely not allowed to drink, or be here.

Ben kept watching them, knowing too well what was going on. He wasn't naive. Even though Ben hadn't gone to the regular high school or college, he'd seen enough. The guys kept pouring him drinks, and the poor boy giggled louder, while their hands were getting more frivolous.

The handsome rich man hugged ginger’s shoulder and tried to draw him upstairs. It was not Ben’s business, he reminded himself, clutching his fists. He was here for the incubus, and the incubus was somewhere nearby — Ben felt it in the air.

On the stairs, the boy, who'd be marked as a ginger twink in movies for adult, stumbled and almost fell, crashing into the chest of one of the guys, and gasping weakly. The guys were not discreetly looking at each other, clearly happy with the state of their victim.

“I think you should go outside and get some fresh air,” Ben found himself saying loudly. He came closer, staring at the ginger.

“Is that your nanny?” asked one of the jerks with nasty snickers. He put his hand on the ginger’s lower back, tugging him to himself, and glared at Ben.

“I see this man for the first time,” said the boy, sounding very drunk. “How are you?”

“Hey, fuck off,” the other jerk hissed at Ben. “He's fine. We’ll figure everything out ourselves.”

“I don’t want problems,” said Ben “But this guy is clearly not in the condition to give any kind of consent and—”

“Consent? What the fuck are you talking about?” said the handsome one, “We just showing Andy our house. Right?”

“Yeah,” agreed the ginger. Ben caught something in his green eyes, that he couldn’t explain but it disappeared almost immediately.

One of the jocks pulled ginger’s arm, making him lean to his chest and shoving the ginger up the staircase with his body.

The biggest one of them blocked the stairs, preventing Ben from moving any further.

The aura of incubus got extremely potent for the moment. That was Ben's chance. If he looked around he’d locate him, follow the guy, send him back to the depth of hell, and go back to his family proving himself worthy.

Instead, Ben kicked the huge guy in front of him in the knee, almost immediately pushing the handsome rich one in his chest. Ben had been trained his whole life, fighting human wasn't a challenge for him. It was easy for him to overpower those three tipsy jerks, without even hurting them much. Okay, he did hit the handsome a bit too hard in solar plexus, making him fold in half. Totally worth it, although if Ben's family saw it they’d lecture him about power and responsibility.

Everyone else at the party was looking at the brawl. Even the ginger seemed soberer now.

“Hey, let’s go outside,” Ben whispered.

The guy gazed around, looking conferred and upset, but nodded.

No one tried to stop them and they got to a nearby park.

“Better?” asked Ben, when he made the ginger drink from the water fountain. “Yes,” he said flatly.

“Do you need help getting home?”

“Do you want to go with me?” he sounded tipsy.

“I can order an uber for you.” Ben couldn’t babysit every cute drunk freshman, he had a job.

The guy looked at him as if Ben had the third eye, but then looked away.

“I will be fine,” and he turned around, striding in the dark.

Ben went back into the house. He expected problems but no one paid any attention to him. The guys he beat disappeared. The place reeked of the demon, but he seemed to disappear too. Ben moved upstairs. He heard lewd noises but didn’t feel the incubus anywhere.

It was disappointing. But Ben was a protector of the people, and he had done the right thing. He would catch the incubus the next time, and now he was sure that the incubus was in Arkanis.

#kylux #kylux ficlet #kylux au #my kylux #my fics

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volganic · 4 years ago

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Song of Awakening

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] || [AO3] || [discord]

i didnt mean to take two months to update but ive been playing among us and now i have ideas for an among us au that i’ll never write

“I have to go back to the woods!”

“Absolutely not.”

They spent the better half of the morning bickering with each other: Link needed to complete his mission — the sole reason for leaving the castle — and Volga wouldn’t allow it. The dragon argued he was unconvinced that Link’s grief had fully passed for his fallen comrades; a wandering mind would only land him into more trouble if he wasn’t careful. Pinks and oranges of the early dawn bled into blue, and Link was growing impatient with Volga’s stubbornness. He folded his arms and stared the dragon down.

“I’m going back.”

“I won’t allow it.”

“I’m flattered that you think I need your protection, but I really don’t,” Link huffed. “If I don’t finish my tasks in Faron Woods, even you can’t protect me from the general’s wrath.”

“I would never keep you from your duties as the hero, but you are no hero yet,” Volga snapped. He rose from his seat with his spear in hand, drawing closer to take his turn to intimidate his smaller companion. “One Manhandla sapling is of no danger to you or your army — let it sprout. You are lying. There’s nothing in those woods for you except another death wish.”

The Hylian refused to listen, bristling in his spot. “That’s where you’re wrong, Volga. There’s something else in there too, and after I kill the sapling, I’m going to find it.”

“Then I shall accompany you—”

“No!” Link put his foot down to interrupt Volga from spouting out another excuse or insult. “I can handle it alone from here. If I can’t do it, it only goes to show that maybe I’m not worth bearing the Triforce. I have to prove myself worthy.”

Their eyes fell downward to Link’s gauntlet. Where Link might have considered the outcome of his last venture into the woods as cowardice, Volga saw it as means to survive. The Triforce was a sign of status; if this was how Link wanted to prove (to nobody but his goddesses) himself as worthy, Volga could allow it.

The spear in his grip slackened. With a grumble, he spoke. “Very well. If it puts your mind at ease, I will honor your decision.”

Link’s posture relaxed as his face broke into a sheepish smile. Maybe he’d win a lot of arguments from this point on if he used this excuse. He adjusted the holster holding his blade behind his back. “I’ll hold you to it; don’t think I forgot how you managed to sneak up on me last time.”

Volga turned away and grunted in response.

“Hey now,” the Hylian approached, placing a tentative hand on Volga’s arm, “I appreciate all you’ve done for me, but I also need supplies from the village below. As much as I like suffocating against your dragon body at night, I think I can manage a night of sleep with a decent bedroll!” Volga shot him a glare. Link smiled a bit wider, but his expression softened. “In all seriousness, thank you. You’re really a great friend.”

Link gave the dragon’s limb a quick and gentle squeeze — a wordless promise to return when his mind was clear.

——

The sun had yet to reach its highest point when the Hylian managed to enter the deepest part of the grove. The environment was serene, peaceful — a little too quiet for his liking. There were dangerous creatures that lived in these woods, he knew, and to not even hear the song of a bird or the buzz of an insect’s wings through the air perturbed him. The only sounds that reached his ears were the leaves rustling against the breeze with the occasional sound of twigs and gravel being crushed under his boots.

The wooden bridge that led to an old Hyrulean outpost creaked underneath his weight, threatening to give out from the lack of use. It was useful back when he and Impa had led their small brigade when they had first encountered Lana, but the lack of upkeep since those few months had left the fortress withered and decaying, succumbing to the depths of the forest. Even if it had been months ago, the magic that lived in this place left it looking as if it hadn’t been used in centuries.

Careful to cross the bridge through the other side of the outpost and to another keep, Link found what he was looking for — sort of. A Manhandla sapling in bloom lay in the center of the clearing where sunlight could seep through the branches overhead. Upon closer inspection, Link found that the bud itself had been ripped cleanly out of the plant. He took his sword in hand and approached it even closer, leery of finding it in hiding. The tip of his blade poked and prodded and turned the leaves over to find any evidence of the carnivorous creature.

From the looks of it, either someone had done his job for him, killing the Manhandla sprout — or someone was bold enough to pluck it while in its sapling stage and grow it elsewhere.

While he was no botanist, the Hylian knew that it had to come to either of those outcomes; Manhandla in its sprouting stages weren’t mobile yet at this size. His mouth fell into a puzzled frown. Mission accomplished? As an added measure, Link staked the tip of the Magical Sword into the ground underneath where the Manhandla should have been, uprooting it from the earth. It wouldn’t hurt to make sure there's no chance of another one growing in its place, he thought, covering his nose and mouth with the folds of his scarf as his heels dug into and tore the leaves of the plant, cautious of its toxic dust.

Now it was mission accomplished.

——

The doors to the fairy fountain deep were heavy as Link pushed them to open. Clearly they haven’t been used since Farore knows when, kudzu and overgrowth nearly sealing the doors shut. If it weren’t for his sense of direction leading him astray from the forest path, fear of getting lost in these mysterious woods, and the crumbling staircase leading him there, he would’ve never found it.

The air inside the fountain was... different. It smelled wet, but held a crisp clean air about it as if unbothered by time outside of its doors, even with the scuffle with evil forces not so long ago. The Hylian tentatively stepped inside with sword in hand, half-expecting to be ambushed by something. Or someone. He couldn’t shake the feeling of someone watching him as he moved to the middle of the room, watching for any shadows that moved behind the stained glass window on the fountain’s wall. When there was no promise of a threat, Link sheathed his weapon and approached the edge of the fountain. Despite the withered and crumbling rock around the edge, numerous flowers floated across the water as if they were freshly picked.

Strange, he thought. Rumor had it that the Great Fairies often made themselves known to those of pure in mind and soul – something he would definitely argue he possessed. His ears picked up the faintest echo of a woman laughing, but paid it no mind – whoever it was, she was too far away for him to consider her an immediate threat. Delicately Link splashed his hand in the water, pulling some of the flowers toward his direction. The tips of his fingers barely grazed its petals before the water in the fountain began bubbling.

Uh oh.

Link staggered backwards as a torrential wave of water erupted from the shallow water of the fountain. An infectious and jovial laugh assaulted his ears and a large shadow obscured the streaks of sunlight that poured the window. He felt dazed for only a moment, clothing soaking wet from the eruption and the water that dripped from the ceiling before he lay witness to a rather giant woman now in front of him. She studied him with a sultry eye and hummed pleasantly.

“O, hero of Hyrule,” she cooed, beckoning him with a manicured finger, “come into my fountain! Don’t be shy.”

His face flushed in embarrassment with the sudden realization that this was the Great Fairy. He never expected her to be not only outrageously “tall”, but voluptuous and seductive; the stories he had heard from merchants who had set up shop outside of the castle walls about the fairies did her no justice. Link pushed himself up and brushed off any rubble (he had to look at least somewhat decent in front of a lady) and obeyed, stepping over the edge of the fountain into its cool waters. Immediately whatever worry that lingered in his body seemed to wash away much more effectively than the springs on Death Mountain.

“What brings you here, my hero?” The Great Fairy invited him to sit closer to her. Link inched over and brought his hands up to sign. She leaned forward and delicately pushed his hands down. “There’s no need for that,” she winked. “I know what gifts the goddesses have bestowed upon you, and your secret is safe with me.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but quickly quashed it. Inhale, exhale. “How do you know about it?”

“Oh, my love,” she laughed cheerfully, “I know many things. I might be the closest thing to Hylia herself! It’s a wonder that people pray and come to me for guidance.” The Fairy stretched out on her stomach, hovering only inches above the water and giving her undivided attention to her guest. “I know that the guardian of Eldin is the one to have awakened your divine gift, and that he is keeping a close eye on you as your mentor. I can only hope that he continues to treat you well.”

Link sighed wearily at the mention of his friend — Volga would have easily objected to coming into any fairy fountain. “He does… in his own way.” A pause. “Do you know anything more about him?”

The Great Fairy chuckled softly. “That I am not inclined to say, dear hero.” Link then decided she knew more than she was letting on if she knew that they were friends in the first place. “You’ve come to seek me for guidance, have you not?” she asked, changing the subject. “How may I be of service?”

“Do you know anything about the witch, Cia? And Lana? What are their goals? What can I expect?” The Great Fairy cupped her hand under the water to slowly pour it over his head, sensing his unease. Nervously, he rubbed the back of his neck, shivering with the feeling of the cool water trickling down his collar as it alleviated his nerves slightly to prepare him for any life-changing revelations. “Do you think I’m prepared enough to take the role of the legendary hero?”

“My love,” she began, “I offer guidance and assistance, not opinions or visions of the future. I cannot tell you exactly what you must do to fully prepare yourself for the coming battle. I will be here to assist you when you need me the most in your most dire hour. What the goddesses have intended for you is out of my control. Your fate is in their hands.”

Link feared for the worst, expression growing downcast with the answers he was given. “However,” she interrupted, “I can tell you that it is more than admirable that you have come so far in your ordeals. You make a fine hero as you are now. I have no doubt that you will do only the best for Hyrule… even if you are grounded on his mountain.” She winked, her pink lips spreading into a sincere smile. Link could only smile back feeling how infectious hers was.

“Thank you.”

“Always a pleasure,” she purred, reaching out to affectionately prod his cheek. The Great Fairy then rolled onto her back, dramatically throwing an arm over her face. “You must go now if there’s nothing more I can do to assist you, as much as I’d love to keep you here for myself. Your soul is bound to another, after all.”

Link felt his cheeks burn with the thought that the Great Fairy – the Great Fairy! – had found him appealing, but shook those thoughts out of his mind. Of course, legend always had found the hero bound to the princess. At least, it always presented itself that way. It wasn’t a destiny he would have personally chosen for himself, as he hasn’t had much interaction with Princess Zelda in the first place, but if the goddesses dictated it, so be it. As long as he served for Hyrule, he would serve for her. He stood silently and stepped out of the fountain with that in mind.

“You will find your other half in the most unlikely of times, my love — in fact, you might have found it already!” she exclaimed suddenly when Link neared the entrance. He blinked and turned to look at her to ask what she meant, but she cut him off. “Please, do not hesitate to come see me again. It gets awfully lonely here.”

The Great Fairy made her exit with a dive and a splash into the short pool of water, laughing all the while. Link turned away to save himself from getting drenched again, finding that the woman was indeed gone, nothing but freshly picked flowers and a few silent fairies fluttering over the water’s edge in her wake.

——

“Massster! Human isss back! He bringsss thingsss!”

Volga turned away from the ores he had been attending to when the sound of the younger Lizalfos scouts pattering after their chieftain echoed off the rock walls. Their arms were filled with items that definitely had no place in his caves. He grumbled at the sight; Link might have been simple at first glance, but the items he had gathered in excess proved that he was going to be a pain in Volga’s side.

“Where is he now?”

“Bottom of mountain! Climbing ssslowly!”

“He may be a friend to our clan, but he will not treat you like his dogs,” he scowled, gesturing for them to drop whatever items Link had pushed onto them to the side. The scouts obeyed without a second wasted while their chieftain apprehensively drew to Volga’s side.

“He asssk nicely. We help.”

“The boy is more capable of carrying his own rubbish up the mountain.” Volga’s frown remained. The chieftain stood patiently for any more orders. The dragon released a drawn out sigh and waved his kin away. “You have my leave to go. I will take care of the rest.”

With the clear dismissal, the chieftain scurried off further into the chambers of the caves, leaving Volga with his hoard of ores — and Link’s hoard of belongings. The dragon turned to the discarded items with a look of disgust. He left his own pile to sift through Link’s things; what on earth could he possibly need? Underneath the pile of clothes including his green tunic, there were a number of small bottles of potions, larger flasks of fragrant soups and broth, a few rupees here and there, a mirror — useless, useless things!

“What are you doing?”

Volga turned back to the entrance of the cavern. Link stood there with an incredulous expression having caught the dragon red-handed going through his things. He looked so different outside of his uniforms, clad only in a longer sleeved shirt that made him look like someone he wasn’t: someone lost; someone vulnerable; someone who shouldn’t be within his domain. Volga carelessly tossed the small mirror back into the pile. “You’re able to handle yourself, so why, I wonder, you use my kin to transport your rubbish up the mountain, I’m curious. Clearly it wasn’t worth the time.”

Link’s mouth formed a small frown. “If I’m offered help, I’m not gonna turn it down.” He pushed the sleeves up of his shirt up to his elbows and pushed through Volga to tend to the bottles. As callous as they were treated, none of them were broken. “I could have brought more, you know.”

“Essentials, I understand and commend you for. The mirror, however, is excessive.”

“Old habits die hard,” said the Hylian with a small hum in his voice. “I like mirrors. Appearances are important to keep up within the castle walls: I can’t act my part as a captain if I don’t look like one.” Carefully he picked up the round mirror and looked himself over in it. He couldn’t bring himself to look for too long; his hair was in disarray and dark circles began to form around his eyes from lack of proper sleep or rest; the exact opposite image of a hero.

“If you have the strength to uphold your title, appearances mean nothing. As battered and broken as you look now, I’m well aware of what you are capable of.” The dragon strode back over to his own belongings, taking one long glance at the ores in their respective pails. He had more than enough to trade. “It’s well into the evening. You need to rest.”

Link nodded in agreement. “I also told you I’d bring my own bedroll. The caves are a little warm for me, and it’s not too cold out—”

“Sleeping outside?” Volga asked. “To leave yourself exposed? I think not.”

“You’re free to follow if you want, but I’ve already made up my mind,” Link announced, pulling his scarf tighter around his neck and tucking his bundle underneath his arm as he made his way back outside. The rest of his belongings wouldn’t move anywhere. It took a good amount of restraint not to laugh when he heard Volga’s heavy footsteps following him a few paces away, but that didn’t stop him from smiling at his companion when he found a decent spot to settle down. “I take it you’ve never slept outside of the caves?”

“Why would I?” he bit back, crossing his arms over his chest to brave himself from the gentle breeze tickling his cheek. The temperature wasn’t at its lowest yet; Link really was a fool if he thought only a blanket and scarf were enough. “They offer all the protection you could need.”

“That’s true, but only if you’re either a dragon or have the means to survive in the heat.” Even with the fireshield earrings, the caves provided a little too much warmth. Waking up feeling uncomfortably sticky from sweat wasn’t necessarily pleasant. “I’ve never thanked you properly for the earrings before, but you nearly burned my ear off when I had the chance. So thanks for that, too.” Link’s face twisted into a pout at the memory, but it didn’t stop him from patting the grass next to him to invite the dragon closer. “At least here outside you can see the sky.”

“And that leaves you exposed to the elements, too, boy,” Volga said with a tone that clearly painted him as annoyed. Regardless, Link took satisfaction when the dragon made an effort to humor him by taking the spot next to him at least an arm’s length away. The dragon removed his helmet and held it to his chest as he laid down. It felt strange being so close to home, yet so far away, left vulnerable to the bitter cold that crept underneath every crevice of his armor. A puff of smoke left his lips to try and regulate his body temperature. The sound of Link shuffling around in his bedroll couldn’t drown out his amusement. “Is there something you find funny?”

“No.” Though the scarf around his neck concealed most of the Hylian’s face, it was obvious that he was lying. Volga held his stare, but turned away when it was clear that Link wasn’t going to budge. This was stupid. He couldn’t fathom why he continued to play in Link’s games, but he never had also expected to take him under his wing. It was like an itch he couldn’t scratch, but keeping Link so close seemed to soothe it, and, despite the immaturity he displayed more often than he should, the Hylian was slowly fitting into his hero role. That enough was satisfactory.

“Have you ever been to the village below?”

Volga’s eyes remained closed. “No. I have no interest in mingling among those beneath me.”

“Do you even have friends?” Link propped himself up on his arms. “And before you say your scouts or chieftains, they don’t count. I mean anyone outside your tribe.”

“I have you,” Volga said, “but sometimes I wonder if I’ve made a poor choice in keeping you as a friend.” He tilted his head and cracked an eye open, knowing full well that his comment would strike a nerve. In a huff, Link turned over and pulled the covers up to his ears. It was Volga’s turn to laugh quietly. “I have you, and I have ties with the Goron Patriarch. I wouldn’t have as grand of a collection without him.”

“Alright, I’ll give you that one.” Link turned onto his back. “It wouldn’t hurt to expand your horizons. I heard that merchants are supposed to stop by and trade in the village tomorrow.”

“I’d rather not. They have nothing I could possibly want.”

“Now you’re just being a killjoy, Volga.” Link chided with a yawn. “How old are you, anyway?”

“Enough.”

“Oh, come on—”

“No,” he interrupted, “I mean to say ‘I’m old enough’. I doubt you would believe me should I reveal my true age to you, which is why ‘enough’ should be a sufficient answer.” Volga let the words hang in the air for a moment for Link to absorb it, followed by, “You should be resting, boy, not spewing whatever thoughts are bouncing around in your mind with answers you can’t comprehend. With your duties to your army fulfilled, we resume ours in the morning.”

“One more question?” Before being given the chance to be shot down, the Hylian asked, “What’s your favorite color?”

The dragon remained silent. Of all things, that’s what he wanted to know? Whether it was out there to annoy him, or purely out of innocence, Volga didn’t know — and didn’t know how to answer it himself. As a dragon, instinct had told him to curb the favoritism to ward off those with prying eyes, as thieves were around every bend to steal whatever he coveted most. As for favorites, he realized then he didn’t have many — a favorite weapon? A favorite meal? A favorite song? — much less narrowed down to a specific color. He lived in a world painted in reds and oranges and yellows and greens with splashes of golds and silvers and a bioluminescent blue, but none of it appealed to him.

Volga craned his neck to look back at Link, unsure of how to answer and unsure of how Link would react, only to find that either he had taken too much time mulling over his response, or the Hylian was more exhausted than they had initially thought. Link had succumbed to the fierce grip of sleep. Under the covers of his bedroll, Volga could see Link’s chest rising and falling, his breaths light and evenly spaced; finally at peace. Without the expanse of the ocean staring back at him waiting expectantly for an answer, clarity had struck through Volga, and he knew his answer. The words poured out just above a whisper:

“I’m fond of the color blue.”

#hyrule warriors #volink #YEAAAAAA #fic

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