#ive been on a roll drawing recently idk why

[southern--downpour]

more tim cause i cannot stop drawing him

[swordmaid]

playing around with the romance scene mod and shri'iia's braid laying on her hip ............omfg............ok rapunzel...............!!!!!!!

[oyasleepy]

i have been going on a journey of self discovery recently w art & enjoyment

[eldritchmochi]

hey, what symptoms is masculinizing hrt supposed to treat for eds exactly if you don't mind? saw your ask about dwarfism that mentioned it. ive got heds and im kinda desperate for potential treatment options, wondering if this is smth i should look into?

SO: this is all anecdotal, it is not necessarily a great global treatment for many many reasons but if youre an afab edser and already considering hrt, things i and others have noticed T helping with are:

joint pain/subluxations: higher levels of t seem to help because thats the hormone that helps you build and maintain muscle, and muscle when u have shitty connective tissue helps protect and stabilize your joints, so they hurt less because they flop around less (this may also be why eds is more commonly seen in afab folks, as amab folks especially cis men have more muscle from the get go, so they often have less issues)

chronic pain in general: my theory is that, since i have fewer subluxations, im generally a smidge less globally inflamed, so generally a smidge less pain (very subjective tho, and also i started taking regular nsaids a few months into t, so ymmv)

less fatigue, particularly after physical activity: i have no theories on why for this one (and its also pretty subjective, especially cos fatigue can be related to so many things when youre multiply disabled, like many edsers are)

less cold/dizzy, presumably from better circulation: t can increase your blood volume iirc, as well as give you bigger veins and whathaveyou

easier blood draws: again, bigger veins, easier to hit with a needle. ymmv still based on hydration etc, and mine are still bouncy and tend to roll, but more often than not if i am well hydrated most phlebotomists can get me in one stick, compared to even experienced phlebotomists needing to dig around at best

and then a small handful of other benefits ive noticed relating to collagen, like i have fewer random scrapes and bruises, presumably because my skin is a little thicker now and thus a little more resistant to damage, plus my nails and hair are less likely to break (tho idk how much of that is related to eds as a whole and how much is just my family)

i am currently doing .2ml subq injections every 7-10 days and noticed substantially more positive effect when i was at a weekly .3ml subq dose, however i ran so hot that i turned into Shorts In Winter Guy, and i hated it especially since i circled around to being so sweaty i was sick from it, so i backed off a lot. during the 18ish months i was on a .3ml dose tho, i think i had <10 subluxations the entire span, compared to >10 on average in any given week for years prior. on .2ml im experiencing significantly more subluxations, but still <10 a month, and theyre less impactful (often its waking up with one ankle not quite in place, which settles after a few minutes of movement)

of note though, my experiences are as someone who was significantly impacted by heds starting at age 14-15, and im 33 now, whereas i have a friend on a much lower dose of t (not sure the amount, but theyre doing gel) with great effect still, as someone of comparable age but who was less impacted until relatively recently due to spending their youth and early 20s physically active in a variety of ways i did Not lmao

ive seen several other transmasc edsers discuss anecdotally the benefits theyve seen from being on T, and the geneticist i saw when i was finally dx'd earlier this year mentioned her familiarity with the same benefits learned thru patients, so its a thing some doctors ARE aware of, there just havent been many, if any, formal studies (because of course not (: ). if you were already kicking around hrt for The Genders, absolutely recommend going for it. if you have The Genders and maybe havent considered T before, i think its definitely worth researching and pondering. not sure i would really recommend it to someone who was cis, but there are ways to mitigate a number of masculine secondary sex characteristics spawned from T so i dont think its off the table for everyone, you would just need to find a very clever experienced doctor for it

also of note is i experienced benefits VERY quickly, within 6-8 weeks of a .25ml/week dose, and in that span most of the effects of t are not permanent or otherwise fairly negligible, so there isnt a ton of risk imo to test it to see if its worth it for you. just be aware that, because of the collagen thing and the way vocal cords work, your voice WILL drop and it will drop IMMEDIATELY (however, even if your voice drops a ton, you can still sound fully passibly feminine with a little practice and knowledge)

[v1ctor14aaa]

~ enha maknae line when u ignore them bcz they forgot ur bday ~

MASTERLIST | HYUNG LINE VER.

warning: way too long, cursing, mentions of abuse, mentions of trauma, attempted murder

genre: fluff, slight comedy

pairings: enha x y/n (fem reader)

featuring: chaewon (lesserafim), wonyoung (ive)

a/n: here we go, idk if u were waiting for this but eh🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️. im sorry if they are too long, lol i was enjoying sm. i recently just opened my asks so if u have reqs or wants to be added to my taglist hmu! english is not my first language so im sorry for the error if therew is one. lmk if i should stop making plots in these kind of posts lol. ALSO IM SO SORRY THIS WAS POSTED LATE, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO POST A DAY AFTER THE HYUNG LINE BUT THEN I JUST SAW THIS IN MY DRAFTS...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tomorrow is a special day for you, it's the day you have been anticipating the most. you couldn't sleep the whole night because of the excitement for this day to come, your birthday. you weren't excited because it was your birthday, you were excited of what your boyfriend is planning for your day. however, when a day has passed and it's finally the day, you didn't expect your boyfriend to forget it.

kim sunoo (김선우)

it was night and you were already ready to sleep but when you went in the bedroom, you see your boyfriend smiling ear-to-ear looking at his phone.

"did something good happen??" you tried to peak at his phone but he immediately closed it and hugged you.

"YES but i can't tell you yet baby, it's going to be a surprise!! i will tell it to you tomorrow morning once you wake up."

there we go, what you wanted to hear before your bday starts. you thought that everything seems to be going fine and you were pretty much just glad your boyfriend didn't forget your bday. hearing sunoo, you were unable to sleep due to excitement to what could happen tomorrow in your bday. you've been thinking and wondering what could it be as you change positions on the bed non-stop. sunoo was still smiling and seeing you not being able to sleep he playfully rolled his eyes at you (still smiling), he knew you were excited but if he's going to be that honest he wasn't actually expecting you to be that excited. he saw you excited a lot of times and you weren't really acting the same but he shrugged it off and slept.

----- time skip -----

you woke up at 4am, you thought it was still night time so you checked the clock and saw the time. you couldn't believe you woke up at that time, oh wait let me repeat: you did believe you would wake up at that time because you're so excited and you couldn't wait for sunoo to surprise you. you tried going back to sleep but you just couldn't take your mind off about the "surprise", you were so curious, you were literally moving non-stop in the bed to the point you woke sunoo up.

"y/n, i know you're excited but please let me sleep. it's so early in the morning." he whined.

"can't you just do the surprise right here, i wouldn't be able to go back to sleep." you pouted.

sunoo who is half-asleep still managed to see you pout in the dark, he could never resist it so he sat up and said...

"I GOT TICKETS!"

"TICKETS TO WHAT OR WHERE?"

"ITALY, we're in first class too. oh, our flight is actually in 4 hours."

"WAIT WHAT?!"

hearing those last sentence made you panic, you ran to the cabinets and drawings to get packing. this whole thing wasn't supposed to be a surprise, sunoo just wanted to see how you would be if something like this happen. he likes to tease you every time but when you do it to him, you will regret your whole life.

midway packing, you were thinking how can sunoo possibly afford 2 first class tickets to italy so you decided to ask him.

"love, how did you afford the tickets?"

"it's not mine's but the company's."

"company? why would the company give you money to get tickets for something like this?"

"well obviously it's for work. i will model for milan fashion week this year, and i begged my manager to get you a ticket as well. isn't that great?" he smiled.

"oh." you were in utter shock finding out that it wasn't for your birthday but for his work, you thought it was sweet for him to beg his manager to get you a ticket as well but you were somehow disappointed. as you continued packing, a lot of thoughts are swarming in your mind. and, those thoughts just kept making you feel down. sunoo noticed how your mood suddenly changed, he thought that maybe you weren't happy due to the fact that you both are going to italy. he tried to ask you what was wrong but you were so down that you couldn't bother to reply so you gave him the silent treatment. sunoo doesn't like it when you ignore him. he would usually try to argue about it but seeing you down made him think if he did something wrong or what made you suddenly change your mood.

----- time skip -----

you both arrived in italy, you had to go out in different time because you were still trying to keep the relationship private since you both doesn't want issues to happen with your career. actually, everyone already knows sunoo is dating someone but they don't know that it's you. anyway, you went out of the airplane first without telling sunoo and that made him worried. he was looking you everywhere in the airplane plus he was a bit mad because you ignored him the whole flight. knowing him, he had a lot to share but you just weren't interested. sunoo's manager told him to go and leave now, he asked the flight attendants if there was any passenger left but there was none. the manager insisted to just call you and ask your whereabouts. sunoo gave in, and since he's a popular model a lot of paparazzi and fans that are waiting for him. no matter how many people were there he only focused on looking for you but there was just too many people that they had to leave immediately.

back to you, you are already in the hotel. already lying down the bed, watching the tv seeing sunoo just went out. when you saw sunoo on the tv, you had to turn it off. you were waiting for him to mention your bday the whole time but your expectations just got turned down, i guess. a few minutes later, sunoo arrived in the hotel. he was calling you non-stop and it looked like he was about to die when he couldn't see you anywhere. the manager volunteered himself to carry the luggages to his room so that sunoo can look for you. sunoo actually ran to his room but didn't see you there which made his heart drop, he was about to cry at this point.

he was about to go down using the elevator but then you went out of a room and he sees you, he ran to you and tried hugging you of course, but you immediately shut the door. he actually jumped when you closed the door because it was so loud, now he's just standing in front of the room, confused. he knocked and knocked but no answer. you feel bad for ignoring him but you just can't seem to talk to him at all. he was even shouting out of your room but his manager stopped him.

"sunoo, don't shout. the people might find out you are here."

"i dont care, i want to be with my girlfriend and talk to her."

"you should go to your room, i think shes just tired and went to sleep. you will be modeling tomorrow morning so you need to rest too."

sunoo was still being stubborn and tried to wait for you to come out but his manager managed to get him inside his room already.

----- time skip -----

it's the day for sunoo's modeling! normally, people would get nervous and excited for something like this but for sunoo, he wasn't even feeling anything at all except being worried. he's been thinking about last night. you were also unresponsive in the morning 'till now, hes at the site and getting ready while you went out to explore some shops. you tried to forget the fact sunoo just forgot about your bday which is why you went out to try and celebrate late. to your surprise while you were walking down the street, there was a huge crowd. well, guess who you saw

it was sunoo. for a second there, you forgot that you are supposed to be disappointed and mad at him but you got distracted by his handsomeness. like how can you get mad at this boy but you pulled yourself together and kept walking straight ahead but your dear boyfriend did not fail to notice you and shouted "y/n!". you were extremely terrified at that moment, you knew there were a lot of paparazzi and fans around and he just called you that. you were worried that someone might hurt you and suddenly will follow you around to ask questions about sunoo. thank gosh you were fast enough to think of a solution which is... to ignore him. everyone looked at your way but they didn't notice that it was you that sunoo was calling.

at this point, he got irritated of you. he didn't care about his career, he ran all the way to you and held your hand. you were shocked and before you even say anything, you both were already running. he dragged you to somewhere private.

he looked at you with an angry look and said "love, please talk to me. i miss you so much, it already has been 1 day since you ignored me. i want to know if i did or said something wrong. it hurts me that you don't even want to talk to me, i hate it when you do this."

"i...." you were to stunned to speak, this was the first time sunoo raised his voice to you. the first time you guys weren't in good terms or was it just you being so over dramatic that lead to this. you started crying, your back slowly slid the wall and sat. sunoo's heart dropped, he didn't want to make you cry. he didn't know what to do so he just hugged you "baby, no. im sorry, i didn't want to make you cry." you stopped crying and then you found this situation funny, you started laughing. dude, when i tell you, sunoo was so confused. he literally froze and started asking if this was a prank or some shit because it isn't funny.

"no, honey. i just find myself funny for crying for something like this..."

"you. you finally talked to me." he hugged you again but tightly this time as if you were going to disappear sooner or later. "now, tell me. why have you been acting that way all these time?"

you went silent again so sunoo sat beside you and changed the topic because he didn't want you to keep ignoring him, he already got your attention and he didn't want to risk it. you both had small talks and laughed at each other's jokes then you finally decided to tell him, you hesitated at first because it was embarrassing to say right now.

"sunoo, i..... i'm sorry for what i did yesterday and today. i wanted you to remember what was yesterday's occasion which is my bday but it seems like you forgot about it but still i shouldn't have acted that way and could've just mentioned it sooner. i was being stubborn, aren't?" you laughed and hid you face because you were so embarrassed. your face got red while you were talking. sunoo rolled his eyes and laughed at you "well, i'm sorry too for forgetting your bday which i can't believe that i did. anyway, my manager is probably looking for me now. love, is it alright if we celebrate your bday somewhere romantic later? im sorry that you didn't get to celebrate yesterday."

"yeah, you should probably go now. bye." sunoo stood and gave his hand to you. "answer my question, love. can we celebrate your lovely bday later?"

"ok. yes. yes, love." he felt relieved and smiled, he kissed you goodbye before running back to the site while you sat again and giggled like you just talked to your crush for the first time. you were wondering, however if what could've happened if you ran away from him earlier. i can answer to that, he would've probably argued with you.

yang jungwon (양정원)

you were so excited for tomorrow because it's your bday and especially because it's also your bf's day off. you can have all his attention to yourself for today not until he received a call.

"yoi, i received a call, i have this client who just hired me. heeseung was supposed to take the case alone but there was some problems that it needed about 2 people to take the case. unfortunately, there were no lawyers available for tomorrow so i had to take the job and help him." jungwon looked sad and so were you. you understood the situation immediately though, he's the best at his job.

the next day, you woke up first. you decided to cook breakfast for the both of you and wake up jungwon. "wonieee, wake up! you will be late for your job." you were about to leave the room but then he suddenly held you hand and pulled you onto the bed. he hugged you tightly and said "i don't want to get out of bed and leave you all alone here, i want to be with you for the whole day. wait, what about you? don't you have work as well?"

"oh uh, i took the day off today because i thought you'd also have your day off." he pouted and hugged you tightly.

"baby, please you're suffocating me. now, go and get out of bed. you'll be late."

----- time skip -----

soon, you got bored staying at your house. weirdly, your phone has been silent. it's a monday so everyone is obviously busy but your bday hasn't sent a happy bday message to you. he also didn't mention it earlier in the morning which made you think if he forgot about your bday now. you shook your head and thought it would be nice to visit him at the courtroom where his case would be held. you went in your car and went there.

when you arrived, there were only a few people there. you thought you arrived late but you asked and said that it'll start in a few minutes. shortly after, people have been entering the court room one-by-one and the judges also sat on their seats. you were looking for your boyfriend everywhere but looks like he still haven't arrived, you were about to sit but you bumped with someone.

"oh, sorry."

"wait, y/n??? baby, what are you doing here?"

"oh, hi! i was just bored at home so i decided to visit you here." you kissed him. he was about to talk but then his co-worker (atty. heeseung) said that they should go at their place now.

minutes later, the discussion started. you were sitting there not listening to what everyone's saying and you were just looking at him, adoring him. you forgot how handsome your boyfriend is. anyway, you realized that you completely forgot that it was your bday and you didn't want to celebrate it by sitting and listening to someone's case. you went to the mall to go buy some clothes and you were still hoping when will jungwon greet you a happy bday. you were already getting tired so you went straight home, you didn't even care id your bday remembers or not. you were simply tired already and wanted to sleep, and so you did.

----- time skip -----

as you were sleeping soundly, you felt a light tap on your shoulder. you opened your eyes slowly and saw your sister.

"oh gosh, you scared me. how did you get inside?"

"i have a spare key, remember?"

"oh, then what are you doing here? did something bad happened to you?"

"well...." she was looking down and she suddenly hugged you. "i'm sorry for busting out here, late at night but i really need your help." she looked at you, looking like she wanted to cry. you were alarmed at what she said so you asked "what kind of help?".

"m-my boyfriend has been abusing me and i escaped from him today. i can't do this anymore, i'm scared." hearing this made you so angry and just wanted to beat him up right there and then.

"chaewon, you should've told me sooner, i didn't even know you had a boyfriend but by any chance, did he follow you here?".

"no, he did text me though."

"i made his name in my contacts that in purpose because i was keeping our relationship a secret. i'm sorry, i should've told sooner." reading the texts made you scared as well but you were mad at him for beating your sister.

"chae, go stay here and lock the door, ill try and talk to your fucking boyfriend and beat him up if things go south, if ever that happens ill ask jungwon to be your lawyer and sue him."

"sis, wait, no. h-he doesn't know what you look like and you also don't know what he looks like either. i should come but ill just hide and call the police if something happens. i-ill text him so that he'll just come to us."

----- time skip -----

you arrived at the place. you didn't expect that the place would be a fancy restaurant, you thought that he must be rich. anyway, you found it weird that at a situation like this he would invite your sister to something this fancy. wouldn't people see if he beats up your sister or he's just that dumb, you thought.

"stay there at the bush and tell him you're here and make him go outside. i'll wait for him here"

you sat at a bench while waiting for him, there was not much people outside so it's easier to know if the person is your sister's boyfriend. you saw someone coming from the main door standing st the front, looks like he is looking for someone.

"SIS! THAT'S HIM!" your sister whispered.

if i'm going to be honest, you were actually scared for your dear life and you were unsure of what to do but as her sister you'll need to defend her and talk to her bf. you walked closer at him and said "are you my sister's boyfriend?" he looked at you with a confused look but soon realized that you came instead of your sister.

"follow me inside." and you did while your sister was still at the bush hiding.

your heartbeat went faster and you were somehow shaking. you kept holding back from punching him and stayed calm. as you walked further, the light went off. oh dear, that's when you lost it. you were so scared of what might happen to you there and scared that this might be your last day. then the lights opened again.

"HAPPY BDAY!!" you were so shocked that you fainted.

hours later, you finally woke up and you were already home. you actually thought it was just a dream but then a door opened, it was jungwon. he was so relieved seeing you finally awake.

"love, don't scare me like that. i thought we went far. i'm so sorry, i should've surprised you in a different way."

"no, don't scare me like that. i fucking thought i would die there, i can't believe these was all your plan." you put your hand to your chest and tried feeling your heartbeat. "my heart is still beating fast right now, i feel like i might've got a heart attack at that point."

jungwon suddenly ran out of the room and went back holding a cake. "you didn't get to blow the candles earlier, happy bday my love!"

"i actually thought you already forgot about my bday, thank you for remembering BUT please no more surprises like this. if you do this again next time, i think i might actually die already."

"don't say that but yes, i won't surprise you like that anymore." he laughed then suddenly stopped, as you both talked he remembers how you acted in the certain situation which made him worry and get concerned for you.

"y/n... if something like this ever happens, don't act rashly and call me immediately. love, i don't want you to get hurt..."

"okay okay, i know love. i still can't believe you asked chaewon for this evil plans of yours."

"yoi wait, did you really think i forgot your bday? were you waiting for me to greet you?" he smirked.

you looked at him shyly and guilty. "uh, noO."

"you know what? ill take my day off tomorrow and let's celebrate your day properly but first let's eat the cake!!"

so you may be confused but.....

jungwon is really not the type to forget your bday, he could never

which is why the storyline here is different

even if he did forget, he would've still remembered hours later because he always think of you<33333

welp, jungwon's might be the only one who has the shortest..... he remembered your bday so...q

if you guys want more with lawyer jungwon just hmu !!

nishimura riki, ni-ki (니키)

you were talking to your boyfriend over the phone and you were reminded that it's your bday tomorrow so you somehow waited for him to mention about it over the phone but to your surprise he didn't. ni-ki is someone who gets more excited in an event than the person who is hosting it or the person who's the event made for so it was really odd of him to not say anything about it.

the next day, you woke up with a messy hair and a drool on your mouth. you checked your clock and saw that you're about to be late for school so you hurriedly went to the bathroom and went downstairs to get your shoes.

"sweetie, you made him wait for an hour now. ALSO GO EAT."

you ran to the door and said "nah, i'm good mom. i think ni-ki's going to get me something later."

you thought that ni-ki is sitting on the bench but when you opened the door running, you accidentally bumped onto him.

"oops, sorry."

"and you're the one telling me to sleep early."

actually, your school is just near your home so everyday you and your boyfriend just go on foot. you guys were having a small talk then you realized that he hasn't greeted you a 'happy birthday' at all.

"so....."

"so...?" he raised his eyebrow at you. "so what?"

"oh, nothing. so um, have you finished your assignment?"

"since when do i even do that?" you laughed at him, knowing that he'll probably fail in your exam day which is next week.

----- time skip -----

you both arrived at the gate of your school and as you went in, you both parted ways. you two have a lot of similarities but when it comes to education, you both can't even be compared. however, you and your boyfriend are pretty popular. you're the valedictorian and he's just the hot guy everyone knew about.

as you went in your classroom, you sat and wondered what surprise is ni-ki's hiding. usually, ni-ki is bad at surprising because his acting is just terrible that it immediately gives it out but seeing him today made you think that he's finally good at this. you were thinking of him so much while looking outside the window that you didn't notice your teacher already standing behind you.

"ehem, miss y/n. is there something would you like to share with the class? i suppose not."

your seatmate, also your best friend giggled at you. "y/n, i know it's your bday but what made you think it would be a good idea to zone out when the teacher's here or.... you're thinking of that gigantic emo man again? i told you we should've became together instead lol."

"normally, i would've bickered with you for saying that but since you're the first to greet me then-" wonyoung gasped loudly while the teacher looks at the both of you but the teacher let you both go for now since you are the top of the class.

"don't tell me you both literally came here in school at the same time without him greeting you?! i knew you shouldn't have dated that man. it should've been me instead, like im even taller than him." she whispered, actually nevermind the whispered part because literally everyone heard wonyoung that time.

"wish i could say the same but anyway, im pretty sure he's going to surprise me sooner or later. you know him, he can't handle surprises and he's probably so excited right now telling his friends about it."

meanwhile ni-ki......

"hey bro, a dumbass in another class just told me i suit pink. i would literally look like shit if i do anything with pink, i just hate it."

"i think it would suit you fine, don't know." heeseung chuckled.

"shall we fight and see?"

yeah they started play fighting inside the classroom, just imagine that one time where ni-ki and heeseung was play punching each other while hee was holding a dumbbell.

back to you, you decided to visit ni-ki's classroom and maybe sneak up on him to see what is he up to. you looked through the classroom's windows and you saw that ni-ki was just playing and doing some random stuff in the classroom. finally, you thought that ni-ki forgot about your bday. it all makes sense, from him not mentioning about it and he looked like his usual self (like not being excited, etc.) to him just being normal in the classroom. you went back to your classroom and didn't pay attention much to that, hate to admit this but you were upset that your own boyfriend forgot about your bday.

----- time skip -----

the school bell finally rang for break time, everyone started to go to the cafeteria and eat. you also went with wonyoung while you guys were walking in the hallway, wony noticed that you seemed a bit down.

"hey, are you okay? you look like someone just threw up on you. okay kidding aside, are you okay?"

"yeah, i just feel tired right now thinking about studying advance for the exam next week."

"it's break time now so let's eat and stop thinking about your grades for now."

you guys were already in the line to get food and you sat down. ni-ki was waiting for you since forever and when he found you, he sat beside you in the cafeteria. wonyoung was also sitting beside you, at the left side.

"baby, i missed you." he was about to kiss you but you immediately put the spoon in your mouth since you aren't really in the mood for his lovey dovey. wonyoung side eyed you because what and ni-ki on the other side was shook.

"should i go to another table? it looks like there's something the both of you need to talk about." then she whispered to you saying "oh, i can tell he still didn't greet you huh?.." she elbowed you about two times and headed to the other tables with your classmates.

"so... jake and the others plan to go to the haunted house after school. wanna come?" you didn't respond, you were still thinking hard whether if he actually forgot about it or what. it wasn't a really big deal to you so you still somehow replied to him with a low tone "sure." ni-ki thought it was weird that you talked like that, he never even heard you that way. you both are always loud, to be honest.

----- time skip -----

classes ended and it is finally time to go home but you remembered you had plans to go to the haunted house so you looked for ni-ki, you were walking down the hallway where your boyfriend and the others at. there was a crowd, there was a lot of people but not that much. you also noticed your best friend there, you were about to call her but ni-ki noticed you walking in the hallway so he ran to you.

"hey, angel. are you ready to go to the haunted house??? don't worry i won't scare you like last time hehehehe" he laughed.

you didn't really want to ignore him but you were busy thinking if he did forgot about it or no, you were to busy thinking that you didn't hear your boyfriend that started talking to you.

"hello? babe? my girl to earth! hello! huh?" he waved his hands up and down in front of you thinking you were zoning out but no, you were still busy thinking. although, you did notice him waving had hands in front of you but you didn't care.

as you reached the crowd, they were talking about going to some restaurant after the haunted house and also heeseung will be the one to drive. wonyoung saw you and she just had to say something about "it".

"y/n, are you really sure of going to the haunted house? i don't want to see you suffer there."

"i'm fine. i forgot about what happened years ago, i mean i still remember but i don't care about it anymore."

"did you tell ni-ki about it? oh, definitely not because if you did i'm sure he wouldn't invite you to go to a haunted house."

"yeah, i think i'll just make him worry but he probably doesn't care as well. look wony, i can manage myself." you knew that was a lie, going back to the haunted house is a bad idea. a lot of tragic events has happened you in there which means if you go back it will probably trigger you trauma again. as ni-ki mentioned, you guys actually went to the haunted house one time. you didn't want to go but your boyfriend was with you so you thought your trauma won't get triggered. as you went in the haunted house, memories has been flashing in your mind. you couldn't breathe properly, ni-ki knew something was off but your acting with him was just so good even though you were shaking a bit. the memories of you getting almost killed by your aunt and uncle inside the haunted house, make you think that they're still there, in every haunted house ready to try and kill you again.

----- time skip -----

all of you finally arrived at the haunted house, everyone was getting ready to go in except you. wonyoung was looking at you the whole time, worried. while ni-ki tried to make a conversation with you in the car but you were busy thinking, not because if he forgot about your bday or not but because of the haunted house. you don't know what might happen to you this time, back then, you managed to act naturally with ni-ki but this time there's a lot of people.

"y/n, okay i'll be serious. why have you been ignoring me? did i-" before he could finish talking jake and the others were calling everyone in the car to go in the haunted house now. you just saw the building but all the memories are already flashing in to your mind. you don't even know if you can go inside because you felt dizzy and scared. you still tried to act natural because you didn't want anyone to think you're crazy at that moment. as you went in, you got dizzier and images of your past is all you can see. you were scared to death and hoping someone can just save you and go somewhere else. wonyoung looked at you with a worried look and held your hand in. "y/n, are you sure you're okay? i don't want to see you get hurt..." your boyfriend heard what she said and approached the two of you.

"why? did something bad happened?? don't ignore me, y/n, please.."

you whispered to wony "yes, i'm fine." you let go of her hand and turned your back. you were not fine. you were shaking terribly and wanted to cry at that point. everyone proceeded to explore and of course, your boyfriend went with you instead of the others, it was just the two of you. you were still shaking and you couldn't handle it anymore, so when ni-ki was busy picking up something, you decided to walk away from him and went in the nearest room. when you went in, that's when it got worsen. the room looked exactly like where you were when your uncle were hurting you. you went to one of the corners and sat, breathing rapidly and covering your ears because you were somehow hearing your aunt's voice whispering to you words. you cried and cried and couldn't handle it anymore, you didn't know what to do but luckily you went to the nearest room and ni-ki just found you in time. he didn't know what to do but he just ran over to you and tried to see what was happening. he was talking to you but you didn't answer. he was panicking so hard that he just hugged you that time, you needed it. for a few minutes, you calmed down while closing your eyes. still hugging him. ni-ki is still worried as fuck and you weren't responding to him. he held your hand and said that you both should go outside now, he didn't care if he's going to leave the others behind.

----- time skip -----

you still didn't talk but ni-ki took you at his home because you begged that you didn't want to go home and there wasn't any safer places for you to be comfortable so he took you to his home. he gave you a glass of water and hugged you again.

"i don't know why that happened but you can tell me whenever you're ready. im sorry i didn't know you were going through something but please i want to talk to you at least."

your mother called, you were supposed to not pick it up because you weren't really in the mood to talk but you still did and you put her on speaker.

"sweetie, do you ever plan to go home to celebrate your bday or are you going to celebrate it with ni-ki." and when your boyfriend heard that he stood up and was like HUH. while you were talking with your mother, he was walking back-and-forth not being able to believe himself for forgetting your bday and you were also going through something that he didn't know. you hang up on you mother and he was asking questions on where do you wanna go, you told him to the movies or in a restaurant. he literally brought a bag like he was taking care of a baby but yes it was full of things that you might need in case you went crying again.

----- time skip -----

you finally told him on what happened earlier, he was feeling sorry for you and was mad at your aunt and uncle.

"i can't believe i didn't notice that that was happening to you and i even forgot about your bday. im really the worst boyfriend ever.." he pouted and hugged you again.

"maybe but you aren't really the worst, if you were you wouldn't care about me at all." he hugged you tightly and you just found comfortable and safe around him, in fact you were luck that he was there earlier of he weren't you don't know what might've happened to you in there.

oh yeah, lol you both technically forgot about everyone. they were calling the both of you but didn't answer but seeing the car disappeared, they were pretty sure you went somewhere.

MASTERLIST | HYUNG LINE VER.

please do not copy/translate this and post as your own.

[ TAGLIST: --- ]

[fgooooooo]

I haven't posted in a long while

I'm still alive but haven't had time to post here much

I did do some drawings over the month and already scheduled them for the week

Here are the themes:

Tuesday: Twisted Wonderland

Wednesday: Fate Grand Order

Thursday: Fate Grand Order

Friday: Genshin Impact

I'm also wondering if y'all would like OC or original content?

[aries-writes-shit]

Hello hi uh i hope you are doing well and are staying safe and sanitized during this whole pandemic, um I hope the matchup is still up, if not my apologies uh ig I'll get started :) (platonic or romantic is fine by me, I dont mind either or cuz I honestlydont know what I want heh...ya..) My name is Dioceline (any pronoun is fine by me but people usually go with (she/they), my nickname is Dio or Small as most of my online friends call me. I have been told that I'm very impulsive and funny but im also emotional and I stand up for what I think is right and know when to be serious. I usually take the lead of things if no one else feels comfortable enough to deal with it which has landed me into some trouble in the past but id do it again for my friends because frankly I love and appreciate them and I make sure they know it by drawing them things they love or write poems about what I love about them and what I find beautiful about them every couple of weeks. Im not very big on socializing in person but I'm very bubbly and eager to meet people online (my socialbattery does brain pretty fast so I I ti take a quick nap or go on YT for a bit before I can go back to being stupid), I'm shy at first in person but the longer you get to know me I start to get annoying and very touchy feely cuz I'm ✨touch starved✨. Im 5'7 and a half and I like to flex that I'm taller than most of my family because its known that Mexicans/Hispanics are short asf. I am a Capricorn but I don't really feel connected to my sign so I'll give you my enneagram and my mbti! I'm an Infp-T and my ennegram is 2 wing 1. My music taste is all over the place at all times and I listen to anything as long as the lyrics speak to me or the instruments sound good asf (guitars are my favorite instrument, any type of instrument with strings speak to my soul) but I have been listening to a lot of old rock singers/bands recently like Queen, AC/DC, Hombres G, ABBA, Roger Taylor, Bon Jovi, and a lot of other singers/bands. Now since I've been the middle child of 5 other siblings before my little brother was born I have developed a strange humor, it's very mixed and changes a lot but I adapt and go with the flow of anything as long as it makes people happy and laugh. I usually flirt in very awkward ways like throwing horrid pickup lines at friends or pulling the fuckboy face while saying that they look like the snack that smiles back. It's a form of breaking the ice with a people after ive concluded that I want them in my life cuz idk why but I do so ya (in a platonic way ofc). I tend to get a little overprotective and take the parenteral roll when I hear that one of my friends haven't ate or is being insulting and ir being made uncomfortable. Now for appearance, I smile with my eyes, have a cupid's bow and I have lip asymmetry on my left lip. I have a lot of beauty marks on my face and arms, I have dark brown hair and eyes. I'm on the curvier side, I have really big thighs and my chest is pretty big to so it makes it look like I have somewhat of an hourglass figure which is cool ig. I usually wear shorts and baggy sweaters that are 2 times to big for me, most of my clothes is black except for a couple of red and grey shirts/sweatshirts that I have in my closet. I love music, drawing, painting and pretty much anything to do with art. I also really like Chemistry/Science, English, and Philosophical talks, I like learning about the ocean and space but im to scared to actually go into the ocean and my family never really goes out cuz money issues and stuff but it's nice to see it on the internet. I also really enjoy the company of animals and plants :) ok I think that is all, sorry it was so long I tend to ramble and say things that aren't necessary. OH idk if this would help at all but I want to be a family therapist and will be joining the army next year after I graduate so I can get my degree without getting into terrible debt. Ok now I think that is all, hope you have an amazing day/night and stay safe!

Woah 😳, Why are yall so cool?

I think ima match you with....

C!Philza and C!Techno

Oh no, two protective anachists, what they gonna do

In all seriousness

These two are 100% very protective of you

One of them is always with you

Either making sure your safe

Or just making sure you dont do something to crazy

You play the guitar?

Expect to preform pretend concerts to Phil, Chat, Techno and all technos animals

If neither of the boys can be with you, philza's murder, Chat, as he calls them, would follow you from a distance

Phil would paint with you 100%

Techno wouldnt paint with you two, but he would watch

Philosophical talks with techno

But their like, in like the middle of the night

"Why do you think were here on earth"

"Woah, thats a good question"

Definitely would concern phil, when you two talk about the meaning of life out of nowhere.

They would definitely support your choice of becoming a therapist

And the military as well

Despite fighting for a government

[frillshark-fr]

How do you get people to always buy your dragons? Genuine question

i was gonna say something like “haha i have no fucking clue” but that would be a lie i think about this a lot actually so i might have some insights i’ve been breeding dragons as my primary activity on FR since i started playing FR (in 2014...) and people have only started actually buying dragons from me consistently like, 5-6 months ago, despite 2-3 attempts at running a genuine hatchery onsite that always died due to lack of interest & not really being worth the effort. 

so ive thought a lot about what the hell is happening now and why my dragons are suddenly consistently selling and I think ive come down to these being the main points of advice i can give: 1. make friends! be friendly! don’t be weird! be a cool and fun person to interact with! 2. post consistently. post your dragons consistently. post about other stuff consistently. just be an active member of the community 3. POST YOUR SHIT IN THE “#FLIGHT RISING” TAG. THIS IS PROBABLY THE ONLY TRUELY HELPFUL THING I SAY IN THIS POST 4. make pairs that are sexy as hell and be openly proud of them. make dragons and pairs that you like, not what you think will necessarily sell. people can tell when you like stuff and being genuinely passionate about something, whatever the fuck it is, will get other people passionate as well longer versions/explanations under the cut because man this got a mile long. i wasn’t kidding when i said i think about this a lot and i am so sorry if you wanted something concise and useful

1. to be a little glib. i am mutuals/friends with more clout in the FR community than I do kjdshfdsfdhjhkfdf shoutout to everyone who draws their dragons really good on a regular basis because i am riding on your coattails to sell my dragons. i love you this was never my intent, obviously! DO NOT BEFRIEND PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU WILL GET STUFF FROM THEM IT’S JUST A REALLY BAD THING TO DO TO PEOPLE!!! i wouldn’t be friends w/ people if i didn’t genuinely like and get along with them! no amount of pixel cash is worth putting up with people you dont like or abusing people you admire!  but i’d also somehow feel wrong to just... neglect mentioning this factor. idk it’s probably a self-esteem thing sjdkgfhdsf i just Don’t feel like my #success has been totally out of my own effort because its not like im #hustling or whatever i just posted dragons and stuff happened

-----

2. being consistent! just. posting consistently! posting Every Hatchling I Have and Talking About Them On Tumblr!  Once I had a couple nests just sell super fast likely due to aforementioned clout, i was emboldened to just post more of my nests more often and I swear this has more effect than anything else. i just needed the self-esteem boost to Start Doing That posting consistently makes ppl follow u for ur content which gets even more people to look at your dragons which gets more people to buy your dragons.

-

2a. Also just post a lot in general, even if you aren’t necessarily posting about your dragons for sale. it definitely helps! just be friendly and active and people will come

-----

3. post your shit in the tag. not in “#dragon-sales” or “#fr-dragon-sales” or anything weird like that because I don’t know if anyone actually looks at those, but people definitely browse “#flight rising”. no matter how many followers you have, more people will see your content if you post it in #flight rising than if you just chuck it into the void. 

-

3a. however! do not put links into the post if you want it to actually show up in the tag. tumblr is cool in that it doesn’t actually matter that much when you post something, the same way it really matters on twitter bc twitter has algorithms that decide for you what it thinks you want to be seeing whereas tumblr just shows you everything in chronological order. if you post something into the tag at 1am... it will still be there at 2pm when people log on and start scrolling.

the only thing tumblr seems to consistently hide from a tag (and possibly a dashboard, but idk) are posts with links in them, as a half-assed attempt to limit spam. instead of linking to your sales tab/to the dragons directly in the post, reblog it with the links instead. to reduce latency between a post going up and the links being available, i type out the links in the initial post, cut them, post the thing into the tag, then very quickly reblog, paste the links, and post the reblog jdhfsdf. i don’t know if that benefits anything really? but it can sometimes take me a while to type links, so if i posted, pressed reblog, typed up all the links, then posted, it’d be like ~15 minutes where someone may see the post, think “oh i would like to buy those dragons”, then can’t find the link, think “oh well, i will just find it later”, scroll on, and just... completely forget about it. so uh. go quick?

-

3b. the armchair sociologist in me also thinks self-reblogging has the added benefit of like... you know how people are more likely to tip a barista when a dollar is already in the tip jar? or how people are more likely to take one of those little tabs on a flyer if one of them is already missing? i think that works with notes, too. i don’t know why i think that or why it happens i just swear once a post gets 1 note, suddenly it gets Even More Notes, and if it doesn’t get any notes for a while it will sit at 0 notes until the end of time. so giving yourself 1 obligatory note makes people more likely to interact. i think

-----

4. all of these are hard to quantify but this one is especially so: have cool and unique dragons. make your pairs sexy as hell. don’t put all your eggs (hah) into the one basket of selling dragons that are technically “popular”. we have all seen triple white/triple obsidian/triple orca/triple any other popular colors and cherub/pere/stained or wasp/bee/glim pthahlos or whatever. they’re pretty! we get it! but everyone has had one and everyone has had those pairs and market for dragons like that can be super oversaturated. try to break free from that and sell dragons that people can only get from you. I can’t tell you what to do though bc that rly depends on you. make pairs that you find exciting or interesting and people will feel that. i have a very specific theme and aesthetic that i don’t feel like is especially common on FR and i am genuinely very enthusiastic about it. marine shit is my Thing:tm: both on and off FR and dragons are one of my many ways of expressing that   if you have a Thing:tm:, either some fr-centric aesthetic (like being super into plague or earth or light or something) or something more general (such as any of the -punks or -cores)... just fuckin roll with it honestly. if you’re goth? make got h dragons. like scene stuff that looks straight out of a middle school in 2010? rock that hot-topic lair. outdoorsey type? make dragons that look like you’d meet them on a hike in the woods. it really works with anything!  people can tell when you really love something and i know that seeing someone really love something, even if it’s not necessarily MY thing, makes me really excited too!! 

-

4a. never show fear. people can smell fear. never be like “well this one isn’t that good” because suddenly now you’ve planted the idea that it’s ugly in other people’s heads when they may have really liked it had you not accidentally suggested to them that it’s an ugly dragon. people are EXTREMELY suggestible to even VERY minor cues so be always a little bit bolder than you think you should be you’d be surprised at how many times ive been like “eh, this one’s kind of a dud, i’ll probably have to exalt this one when the auction expires” and then that hatchling is the first to sell. never ever ever ever decide what other people like for them. always act like your dragons are the hottest shit in all the land and Believe It. this is what people mean when they say “fake it till you make it”

- 4b. also, idk if it’s true of everyone but it’s really off-putting to see someone having serious pity-parties for themselves, on sales posts or otherwise. ive had bad experiences with people who are uncomfortably quick to self-depreciate (because they were using their genuine self-hatred to manipulate me or my friends), so i might be a little more trigger-happy about avoiding this behavior than others, but don’t weaponize your sadness to guilt people into doing what you want. it’s really not cool.

-----

okay i think that’s my entire manifesto on how i do dragon selling. anon i am so sorry im sure you were expecting like “believe in yourself :)” and here i am dissecting dragon selling like it’s a frog in a science class

edit: AFTER ALL THAT I STILL THOUGHT OF ONE MORE THING. It’s not really a Point, just a Reminder:

i don’t post about all the times i have to exalt dragons that don’t sell. you are seeing me being very selective about what i post. you dont sit and stare at my lair or click through offspring lists or check old sales posts. there are a lot of times where someone just doesn’t sell. even now when i’m selling stuff pretty consistently i will still sometimes have dragons that don’t sell for seemingly no reason. even dragons I think are sure to sell will sometimes just... not. and that’s ok! you gotta just be.. ok with that. it’s par for the course. i typically list dragons for 7 days on the AH, give them a couple more days after their auction expires (partially because i forget, partially to give them a grace period for people to pm/ask me about them), and then exalt them after that point. w/ some dragons that i don’t think got a fair shake for one reason or another (such as the sales post not showing up in the tag or something) i do a little clearance (like the halloween dragons i recently posted) but for the most part if they don’t sell, i just exalt them. 90% of the time i don’t even bother to level them up i just press the exalt button and call it a day. it’s fine

[mrsbhandari]

Artsy as Fuck - Graphite

A/N: Hello!! its been a whole ass brick since I updated this but ive been writing a lot of anime shit and just couldn’t think of anything for this but then I got an idea!! so yeah I hope you like it!!

Word Count: 

Warnings: language, NSFW for the first few paragraphs but after that its kind of angsty?? a lil bit. idk how to write angst so idk if it even counts lmao

Summary: Colt and Roze refuse to confront feelings that arose after their...eventful morning. 

Tag list: 1530

@omgjasminesimone, @edgiestwinter, @bucketofsoup, @donutsgirl36, @desireepow-1986, @lovehugsandcandy, @troublemakerinspace, @client-327

Masterlist

----------------------------------------------

The steam of the shower was only adding to the clouding of his mind as his hands ran down Roze’s sides, making her shiver despite the heat of the water. 

“To be clear--oh--This means nothing,” she said, moaning as his lips attached to her neck and added to the hickeys there. Colt felt a twinge of sadness, but he didn’t know about what. She moved her hands up to his shoulders and he forgot completely.

“Mhmm.”

“Seriously, Colt, this is just to...relieve tension.”

“Mhmm.”

“Colt, pay atten--oh, yes.” Colt cut her off with a swift bite to the junction of her shoulder and her neck as well as a finger brushing her entrance, sufficiently lubricated from a combination of her own slick and the water. He easily slid two fingers into her, letting a gasp reverberate in the shower as he pressed against her sweet spot. Instantly, her grip tightened on his biceps, tough beneath her touch. Nails embedded themselves into his skin, sure to leave crescent bruises visible when he posed for her class in 20 minutes. 

Remembering his job, Colt quickened his fingers, relishing Roze’s loud gasps against his shoulder as they pressed their chests together. This may just be for ‘tension relieving,’ but damn was it good. Her orgasm hit her and his arm snaked around her waist, holding her up and against him while she moaned in his ear. She rode out her orgasm for a few more seconds before weakly grabbing his wrist and pulling his fingers out, catching her breath as the water cascaded down her back. Pulling away, she rested her hands on Colt’s shoulders, partially to hold herself up and partially to watch him as he raised his fingers to his lips, cleaning them with a long tongue while keeping eye contact with her.

“Delicious.”

“You’re so annoying,” she breathed out, cool facade broken by hitched breaths.

“At least I’m good at fucking, though, right?”

Her mouth barely quirked to a smile before falling back into her neutral pout. She stepped out of the shower without a word. 

“Right?!”

---------------------------------------------------------

It was not the right time to wear a tank top, yet it was all she had. She had thought about asking Colt to borrow one of his shirts, but that seemed too...intimate. For their situation. That’s what she told herself. Secretly, Roze cursed the hot LA weather as well as her expectation that she wasn’t going to do anything with Colt when she met up with him at the garage. 

In all honesty, she knew that sex with Colt was a game-changer--especially sex that good. With sex, there were so many emotions swirling around, ripe for the taking, that it seemed impossible not to fall for him. That stupid smile when he caught her staring, the way his eyes roll back when he came, the dark look in his eye when she got too lippy with him; they all added up to extend the emotions of that heavenly hour into a full-blown relationship, which is not what she needed. Especially with Colt. He agreed. It had been ten minutes since they left the garage, yet she was already thinking about the possibility of next time with him. Internally, she cursed herself again for saying that it meant nothing. But he agreed. 

She ignored the pang of disappointment that found its way into her heart despite her best efforts to separate her feelings from this little...predicament she found herself in. How am I supposed to fake date a person I keep feeling things for? Especially when he’s only using me to avoid a girl.

Said girl walked into the studio, giving Roze and her mosaic of bruises a major side-eye and eye roll. Ingrid’s eyes traveled to Colt, knowing that he should have marks as well, and scoffed at the deep red of the scratches along his shoulders, revealed by his wife beater and clean overalls that were folded over at the waist, much like how it was at the garage. Ingrid couldn’t deny that he looked like he should be June’s picture in a calendar, but she wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of knowing she thought that. 

“Did you have to wear that here?” Roze playfully tugged on one of the sleeves tied around his waist. He was leaning over her easel, looking down at her from where his chin was resting on the wood. 

“Professor told me to wear something and layer it. I’m a mechanic, not a designer.” In reality, the comment about his clothes did hurt him a little, even if it wasn’t meant seriously. He didn’t look as stylish as most of the people in the class, and he definitely didn’t look cool or rich enough to be Roze’s boyfriend. She always looked fresh from an expensive magazine to him; he thought he looked like the search results for ‘mechanic’ at the Spirit Halloween website. He smiled a little at the thought and decided it was a problem to confront another day.

“Well, Kaneko, right now you’re a model.” Roze calling him by his last name only made the memories from an hour ago, already fresh, rush back into his mind. She sent him a smirk that let him know she knew what she made him think about. Their conversation was cut short by more students arriving for the class, prompting Colt to step up on the podium and strike a pose for the class, making sure to drape his clothing in a way they could draw to show the clothing. He felt a little bit more confident in himself with his girlfriend calling him a model, but he tried to keep his face neutral. 

He stood for hours on the podium, but he certainly couldn’t complain as he was standing directly in front of Roze who, in between actually drawing him, spent more of the time making silly faces to get him to laugh and break his resolve. His girlfriend was so cute. 

Except she’s not. The thought hit him like a bag of bricks. This is temporary. You fucked and she said it didn’t mean anything. And why should it? She’s a cool art student, going places. You’re stuck here with no direction. Better to get that through your head now rather than later. This is all fake. His face turned pensive as he stood there, ignoring her cross-eyes in her most recent attempt to make him break. She’s probably just acting to make this whole thing more believable, he reasoned, pushing all thoughts of a real relationship out of his head. Suddenly, all he wanted was for the class to be over. 

His wish was soon granted by the professor clapping his hands together and announcing the class’ end. Before he could leave, Roze gathered her stuff and approached him, wary of the watchful eye Ingrid was casting over them to catch any slip-ups that would indicate any reason to believe that something was amiss.

“Wanna go to lunch? My pick today.” She sent him a sweet smile that he couldn’t help but melt at the sight of. Fuck. Don’t think it means anything. He gave a curt nod and a tight smile in response, ignoring the concern that clouded her eyes. This means nothing.

---------------------------------------------------------

“I’ll pay.” Colt’s eyes flitted to hers across the fancy table as she handed a stack of bills to the waiter, telling him to keep the change as a tip. Colt didn’t want to say that he felt emasculated by Roze paying, because he was perfectly fine with that aspect of it. He did, however, feel poor. Here he was in this nice restaurant (cloth napkins and a mini chandelier for every table? Bougie.) in overalls, trying to brush off the pitying looks that kept getting sent Roze’s way as she sat with him and paid for him with cash. 

They must think it’s a gender-bent Pretty Woman situation. The demons in his head laughed at him, boiling his blood and stirring the pot of deprecating thoughts swirling around his mind. I’m not a charity case. Roze seemed to notice his sudden change in attitude but decided to say nothing about it. 

“How was your risotto?”

“Good.”

“And your chicken?”

“Fine. Little dry.”

“Oh, mine tasted great.”

“Congrats.”

“Ok, fuckwad.” She slammed her cutlery down on her plate and leaned forward, placing her elbows on the table to carry her head on her interlocked fingers. “What’s with you?”

He feigned disinterest. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You were fine this morning and through class, but then you just...shut down.”

“I don’t know why you would care. It’s not like we’re dating or anything.” Colt didn’t know what the fuck he was saying. 

“Are you always this angsty?” The comment surprised him and he looked over to find Roze with her head cocked and an amused shine in her eyes. The sight made one part of him sweat and the other scoff. 

“Why did you bring me here, Roze?”

“I like it here,” she answered without missing a beat. 

“Why?”

“Why are you asking?”

“I want to know.”

[comicteaparty]

July 4th-July 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from July 4th, 2020 to July 10th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

What was an unexpected aspect of making webcomics you didn’t realize before making one yourself?

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

How much our comic and it's story we're going to change during the years of creation was the biggest and most jarring aspect for sure. There's scripts and thumbs that were all made before we ventured out to make GJS with paths completely different from what we initially thought we would take that have completely changed how we approach not only writing but reading webcomics too. Webcomics as a medium have the biggest connection to time, whether it be production or the consumption, they have this opportunity to exist and transform in the long hours it takes to enjoy and read them. It's honestly one of the biggest advantages imho. To see a story slowly unfold, listening to ur audience reactions, peer critiques, or new inspiration can make such a drastic and intense impact on a long form work- its both jaw dropping and humbling to be apart of!(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

For me it was the community aspect of comics. I knew a community existed on the reader side of things (comments!), but I didn't expect the creator side to be how it is! I don't know why, but for some reason I kind of always thought that all of us were sort of throwing our comics out from the void... I guess that was me looking at comics from a reader's point of view! But as soon as I started making comics, I started meeting people who made them too... and it's been incredible!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@deo I never really understood what an internet community or internet friends were until I started making a webcomic

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, I had been in (and quickly decided to not be in 0_0) gaming communities, but nothing really as wonderful as what I've found through comics. Closest I had gotten other than that was comments on social media

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

Community definitely one of the big things, much like Deo pointed. I was kinda expecting to have get connections through readers, but it's much more with other creators, which is super satisfying in it's own way. Also gonna second Krispy's comment about how time affects how you see your story's past and future. A lot of things changed in the past four years that made my comic change as well and having so much time to think each individual scene allows them to be much more complex and interesting than they would when I first thought them through. Having the time really helps. This also kinda touches the topic of personal change too, which affects how I write and what feels most important to focus on and that's interesting to think about as well

eliushi [Keyspace]

How long things will take, the longer the story goes on! I started out being able to complete a page in 2h but then I found more I wanted to try on each page (colours, layout, composition etc) and even wanted to extend certain scenes. With 500 pages planned, I definitely thought I’d be farther along by now, heading into AWT’s first year anniversary in a month. That being said, I’m also enjoying the ride and it’s all thanks to the great community here and making connections with other comics folks/readers. I never expected to get comments and so each one has been a treasure to read.

Desnik

An unexpected aspect of making webcomics is how much people respond to them. I figured I'd be creating into a void but I met so many people as a result of publishing my dinosaur comic

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Ditto on the webcomic community. I didn't realize how far reaching it was to have a community that supports each other. And I've enjoyed meeting so many wonderful and creative people who raised each other up. Another thing I didn't expect, however, was how invested I got into my comic.(edited)

At first I was doing it mostly for fun. But the more I delved into it, the easier it was to get sucked into my story and want to draw it out. And as a result taking it a lot more seriously.

Desnik

yeah sometimes I miss my dinosaur comic even though I had some pretty good reasons for moving on. It was created out of desperation and evolved into something that made me feel good about myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

How much work and time it takes to keep a weekly update going with no backlog

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah same

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

eliushi [Keyspace]

Making comics became a lifestyle for me

@Haruh2 (Colony Life) When I had no backlog I was updating every two weeks with 7 pages per update; so about 14h of work. But this is with a finished script. I am also told I work fast.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

omg

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

That's soooo much, Eli!

That's at least twice as much as I do (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

I hadn't realized how much I put myself into my comic! My friends who read it have all said that it's incredibly in my voice and reflects my opinions and worldviews Before I shared it with people I hadn't thought of it in that way at all

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As an artist, I didn't expect how my comic production and mindset will change. Once I started comics, it brought out my ideas from thoughts to a physical form. I start to invest more time into it. Each project evolved through each chapter. How to balance script writing to a polished piece. I put alot of time and research in my works. It makes me glad to hear other creators do the same. I'm not the crazy artist who's wasting her time. One of the positive change was meeting other creators, how we give advice and receive praise.(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

The support has been amazing. It makes the work less lonely

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Fish, oh for sure! I didn't realize until recently how much my characters are all just facets of myself!

eliushi [Keyspace]

(I don’t work that quickly anymore and I’m making big changes to the format soon so it’s going to be a Transition)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I've been in school with art students who never made comics, so when I came to CTP discord, reading comic discussions. It was comforting and fun. I enjoy the cooperation our group has, helping each other.

eliushi [Keyspace]

I like to commiserate about the unique challenges comics have

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Hahaha, yeahhhhh

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree, it's different from illustrations. Different approach(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

I am perpetually balancing time spent on a panel vs how much time the reader will spend on it

Vs illustration: lemme make all the details

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Oh I agree, each panel takes longer than it takes to read it. Hence I dislike when readers call manga creators 'lazy'

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

how much time does it take to read one of my pages?

20 seconds?(edited)

haha

e.e

wait is that emoji supposed to be someone rolling their eyes??

i jsut looked it up

i might've been using it wrong this whole time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Pacing

It's way different than in novels, and definitely came as a shock at the start

eliushi [Keyspace]

Yeah have to play to the strength of the medium. Still imagining AWT as an animated movie written from a novel, in the format of a comic

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Haha, same kinda

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

@eliushi [Keyspace] ah haha, that makes me feel better about my update habits, but thats a good goal for me to shoot for now that im learning a new way to make long comics specifically

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

I completely underestimated the amount of effort that would have to go into formatting, website design and maintenance, etc. If I got to do it again, a little more research beforehand probably would’ve saved me a lot of time and hassle.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I really overestimated the "if you build it they will come" aspect of webcomics lol. Like, you actually have to work to advertise your comic in order for people to read it. Nobody ever got hundreds of readers just from posting their comic onto some hosting site without doing major marketing work.(edited)

dako

yeah, I feel that

I've never really been an advertising type before my comic, im learning to just get used to it

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've not really done much advertising tbh, it makes me uncomfortable

dako

it feels kinda...embarrassing? might be too harsh of a word

i dunno

Deo101 [Millennium]

its just uncomfortable idk! i feel awkward doing it

dako

yeah, same ive done it a few times on reddit but i have to force myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

it does feel, odd..hell most of the time it just feels like i open the door to my house and toss a bunch of paper to the wind hoping someone can see it

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah, I dont know if ive done anything other than posting updates on twitter and talking about it in groups like this

and twitter is mostly just me talkin to people who already read it...

idk talking about my work without being asked first makes me feel like im inserting myself where im not allowed

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Self promo got MUCH less intimidating for me when I started thinking of it like: "okay, so my comic is made for readers like me, people who share my tastes. That means I only need to answer one question: what can I say to get me to check out this comic? I don't need to impress anyone else. I just need to appeal to me." (since "me" is my target audience)

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm ^^

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

But take it with a grain of salt because I'm still not really promoing

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

exactly, thats why i find it hard to tweet about it most of the time, but i get the whole if i dont care about to talk without being asked no one else will either

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah lmao mood im like what would get me to read... hmmm... probably exactly what im doing.... I'll keep it up then :)

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea i get excited to draw out certain parts..but wouldnt want to just tweet about all the little tidbits of the story ruining it for others

Deo101 [Millennium]

sweats

dako

i made a whole side twitter for my comic cuz talking about it on my main intimidated me too much

it is my containment chamber

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

hm may do that, just to say i did it and to get my mind away from the thought

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

yeah same

Deo101 [Millennium]

My main is just whatever I want it to be idk. Its kinda for all my comics, since my comics are all I want to talk about

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

though my main is mostly just retweeting from my side twitter lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

it removes a lot of the pressure of like what if my followers dont wanna see this??

cause they wouldnt be here if they didnt wanna see it

cause its all Ive been doing the whole time

dako

thats a good point

i had my main way before my comic so most of my mutuals/followers dont follow for that

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea, it can feel abit disorienting when there is no interaction one way or another on anything you tweet (also if twitter has messed up and causes your tweets to not show up)

Deo101 [Millennium]

but yeah I dont really advertise cause it just makes me so uncomfortable >.<

dako

understandable

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm kind of somewhere in between. I advertise my comic mostly because it is all I wanna talk about, like Deo. But I also don't think it's gotten me many readers. Most of my readers came as far as I can tell because I was making something that appealed to them. (The whole "if you build it, they will come" thing.) Although, I really don't have a big audience, I do have an audience, and I am certain most of them came from me just posting.

I think it's determined a lot by luck, and also, how big your niche's audience is to begin with (and some skill tbh).

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah like I think "gay sci fi" is a p big niche so ive got a big amount of people I could potentially reach

which makes it much easier to draw people in

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm particularly lucky, I guess, that fantasy/romance has a lot of readers (also more competition, but...)

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah fantasy romance is a damn big one

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

eh i think im in an awkward void with my action/drama story (since im not doing romance drama)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just go with the mindset: "what makes my fantasy/romance different from the rest" and go from there.

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm

tbh I dont think my sci fi romance is doing anything special?

but im having fun so :) I dont rlly care about that hahahha

dako

having fun the most important thing

Deo101 [Millennium]

its not my goal to make somthing mindblowing ^^ truley im just here for a good time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I mean, LGBT+-inclusive sci-fi is pretty unique

I haven't seen a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's clear that your characters are people, and that's special, regardless of how common/uncommon

dako

think if i didnt love my comic as much as i do id have stopped a long time ago

Deo101 [Millennium]

thats true keiiii, thank you <3

also yeah its Sad that theres not more LGBT+ sci fi cause its like youve got aliennnssssssssssssssssssss you can do whatever you waaaaaant

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I knooowww

Deo101 [Millennium]

guess it shows what ppl want or something

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yup

Deo101 [Millennium]

off topic

so to make it back on topic

I underestimated how much people would like gay sci fi GJKLAGJLAJLKAGJSLAKGJKL

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One thing I learned specifically with my current comic... I did not realize how much difference the reader's cultural background would make in terms of interpreting my story.

Deo101 [Millennium]

!!!!!

I actually almost mentioned you in class once tbh keiii

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Big oversight, in retrospect

!?

Deo101 [Millennium]

saying "someone I know makes a comic which they noticed, it's interpreted completely differently just depending on cultural backgrounds" kind of a thing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like I would not have made the comic any different, but I would have approached the... presentation differently. Like, talk about it differently

Deo101 [Millennium]

cause we were talking about how narratives affect rt

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I guess another thing that was unexpected about making webcomics was... there are way more people with my exact tastes than I thought

Deo101 [Millennium]

and I was saying that I think the viewer's narrative affects art more than the artists narrative

I mean, the artists narrative obviously is what makes it so.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

In the eyes of the beholder

Deo101 [Millennium]

but interpretations and all that... yeah!!!

so. actually I might have offhandedly mentioned you I cant remember if I did or not

lemme check

I did! very like "second hand" offhandedly mentioning though ahaha

hope that doesnt make you uncomfortable GSKLGSJALGJLGK no one replied to me so e.e

in the class I mean

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I am super uncomfortable and offended !!!!!

j/k

Deo101 [Millennium]

hgjkghsjkagskajgdhsakgjhgjd

but... yeah idk starting out I truly just was making it cause I really love my characters a lot, the idea that other people would like them too is very unexpected :) in a good way

I also definitely didnt expect how important enviornments were e.e

didnt plan those well enough.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

that relatable feel

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I really desperately advertise my comic everywhere. I don't really know how to do marketing effectively though & I don't know if its working

eliushi [Keyspace]

I find what increased readership most consistently is still the feature aspect from the hosting sites. It’s really about finding the right readers/right readers finding you

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Same, I'm basically a rounding error away from being 100% reliant on the features for subs

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't think my comic has ever been featured on the hosting sites. My numbers have always been low on Tapas and maybe thast why

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, features help a lot

I've been featured on Webtoon, but not Tapas, and you can really see the difference in readership there

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ive been featured on both, uhh in a couple of diff places, if you wanted a breakdown of how many readers i got from the diff spots and stuff ever just lmk im happy to share

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've been featured on both. It certainly got people to check it out and even sub, but retaining those people (even if they've subbed!!!) is a different story. I think my story is just not the right type for the platforms, but eh, even if 99% of the platform users aren't into the kinda thing I'm making, 1% increase is still an increase.

Which is another thing I learned over the course of running this comic, specifically (since the internet has changed so much after my first two attempts). Just because the majority of your subs don't actually read the comic, doesn't mean your work sucks. Today's internet caters to casual users, and there's a bajillion factors affecting who's actually reading your stuff.

dako

i agree

my comic has never been featured on either, and webtoons doesnt have a guideline on what they pick but tapas does and my comic doesnt really meet their featuring requirements so i dont think either site ever will feature mine haha

so i gotta advertise on reddit and use twitter tags a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Don't go too crazy with twitter tags; they can make people zone out and not look at your tweet.

dako

i try to use 5 at the most, i know too many is unpleasant to look at haha

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh huh, my rule of thumb is to use 1-2 on twitter and as many as I can on Insta but I’m no expert lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, IG seems to be where you want all the tags XD

varethane

Webtoon's algorithms are like turning a hose on and off lol

The difference between views and sub growth during periods of being featured vs not is stark(edited)

carcarchu

i've never been featured by webtoons but i've seen series grow from 100 followers to 10k overnight

not an exaggeration

varethane

I put my new comic on webtoon in november 2019, and in 1 month I crawled up to.... maybe 50 subs?(granted I only put up one episode and then paused for a bit)

Then in December I started updating it weekly and got placed in the new and hot section of the app

And bam, 6k subs

It last 2 weeks and then the section updated and all growth stopped, and subs went down by 10 or so over the next week

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

(Omg featured is like the new Daily Deviation goals from DA way back in the day!)

varethane

Until it got another feature on a different part of the website and went up another 2k. It was like playing with the handle on a faucet lol

dako

I got some pretty good growth during canvas week, but beyond that not really

I get 1-2 subs after an update if I'm lucky

varethane

I feel like their algorithms are very reliant on the regular rotation of features that staff have to do manuallt

Outside of that, discoverability is quite weak

Mostly because of the volume of comics on there

boogeymadam

same boat as vare. the only thing i know about webtoons features is they have stated a couple times one of their recquirements is consistant updating, so if u skip a week that disqualifies u for a lil while i imagine

varethane

I wonder what they count as consistent. I was doing every 2 weeks for awhile, but this month I'm gonna try weekly to see if it helps me earn more $$ from ads :U

dako

I wish there was more incentive for readers to check out the new section on webtoons and tapas

carcarchu

i have found some amazing gems in the new section

i swear i've seen stuff in featured that were not at all updated consistently

dako

I have too, there's a ton of good comics that get overlooked because they're not in the front page

some featured comics havent updated in months sometimes

varethane

I definitely would not have considered myself consistent at the time of the first feature, considering there was a gap of a month between episode 1 and 2 lpl

carcarchu

the consistently updating thing is more of a recommendation than a requirement i feel?(edited)

boogeymadam

ooohh good to know!!

varethane

I'm sure it cant be a hard rule, especially for comics that have just launched

boogeymadam

im just going off their canvas qna's from last year

dako

if it's actually a hard rule for staff to feature comics that regularly update they break that rule a lot

i also heard a bot picks up comics too

carcarchu

well i at least think the staff or bots or whatever at webtoons are doing a better job with features than tapas is

tapas is always pushing their premium comics way more than their indie stuff

boogeymadam

tapas needs to bring new comics onto the frontpage more often than it does, yeah

dako

yeah I agree

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean, I get why they put premium on the front page. But I feel more variety would help them because it's more interesting for the readers?

dako

I can't tell whats premium or not with tapas sometimes

boogeymadam

i do like that they've been asking stuff like this in the forums tho

carcarchu

more distinction would be helpful to me too dako

i don't think its as clear as it could be

dako

yeah, webtoons at least it's clear what is and what isnt featured or canvas

Jib {WIP haha}

Huh, anyone remember that really popular writing podcast? I forgot the name

Or have any recommendations I guess

Moral_Gutpunch

Terrible writing advice? It's sarcastic

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

is this related to the topic?

Moral_Gutpunch

It's a podcast about writing, so I'm going to say yes.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think snuffysam meant the weekly topic for the channel

Moral_Gutpunch

Oh

Just for this channel, no. I'm too new to know that.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Please check #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Sound more like someone forgot context than the rules

That's why I'm hardly here. I don't know stuff people who've been here for a long time know like podcasts or older comics(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Basically each of the channels under "CTP Activities" on this server has its own topic of the week.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

It's not a matter of being here for a long time or not. This channel is used solely for discussing the weekly topics, and such information can be found in #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Kudos then. I came for creator babble only.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

For general webcomic creation-related advice (either seeking or giving) and such, #shop_talk usually is the place!

creator_babble is for answering the topic of the week

It's not actually for generalized "creator babble" despite the name.

dako

looks like they left

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh my bad, it’s been a while since I read the rules, I brought up the new subject

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Happens!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

No problem, we were just reminding you all :)

Jib {WIP haha}

Ty for that then haha

dako

I think one unexpected thing for me is that no one tells you how crazy the highs and lows can be

well I guess people do but you really don't know until the highs and lows happen to you if that makes sense

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Oh God, that's so true

Burnout is way more dreadful than I could ever guess prior to experiencing it

Feather J. Fern

One unexpected thing for me was how many people I would meet because of my comic. It surprised me greatly that I found so many cool people through the comic community and made the friends I have made now. Love you all

rajmews

The unexpected thing for me was just how much you have to just...predict...what the market will want to read. Like even if you research a whole lot, and you draw really well, and have been doing art professionally, you can still strike out. It's a humbling experience, but being able to just let go of poorly received pages and move on and try things differently is a lot of the battle for doing a webcomic. It teaches you how to fail gracefully because...it's all a process of learning your readers better. Even if they're few at first.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

My major unexpected thing was how much my initial ideas change as I work through a page. Everything from the expressions, dialogue, and layout can change as I look at it and 'solve' it more closely than I did in thumbnails. There are pages I look back on and realize they are ENTIRELY different than what I had first sketched. And they're better for it. Allowing myself the freedom to edit during the artwork... it's created some majorly awesome opportunities.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes!!!!! Me too!!!

It's exciting thoufh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Absolutely same

Could plan something out meticulously but then change it in the last 2 secs before uploading

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yup... I don't thumbnail much ahead of where I'm at cause of this(edited)

I thumbnail a scene at a time, and then usually I end up changing stuff halfway through ahahfjjdkskdkss

varethane

Same hat, haha. I often make changes at every stage-- even the thumbnails will often depart from the script. If anything, I wish I made even more changes-- I feel like my page layouts tend to be pretty standard, I do a lot of pages with the 3 rows of 2 panels each, and I want to break out of that more. But... well, that's a work in progress.

[chimcharstar]

1-100 TELL ME ALL

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

1. What is you middle name?

Jesse

2. How old are you?

22

3. When is your birthday?

dec 9

4. What is your zodiac sign?

sagittarius

5. What is your favorite color?

purples

6. What’s your lucky number?

9

7. Do you have any pets?

no

8. Where are you from?

bc canada. my great grandparents are from russia

9. How tall are you?

5 something

10. What shoe size are you?

7?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

3 that i actually use

12. What was your last dream about?

i dont remember my most recent one but i had a banger of a dream i described in another post

13. What talents do you have?

i think expressing myself, or music, i have some talent that needs discipline

14. Are you psychic in any way?

well i am a spiritual person, in a way. and growing up in a toxic drama filled family, i have Developed the Skill of guessing how people are feeling and what they are gonna do. and i analyze dreams. so not psychic but i am really interested and intuitive whats goin on in there

15. Favorite song?

for some reason https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oilVq8-F4_Q colours by roosevelt ive been obsessed with lately i just loop that shit. loop loop loop. blaringit into my ears and speedwalking down thestreet. the beat.!!!! i feel like I  took all the colours

16. Favorite movie?

spiderverse. i really enjoyed always be my maybe.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

someone who doesnt make me feel like im Too Much

18. Do you want children?

not RIGHT NOW

19. Do you want a church wedding?

i have no idea actually. id want a special wedding definitely.

20. Are you religious?

yes, i honestly feel like i just come like this, i dont go by any books and i dont want to be associated with christians. if i be too religious i start getting the Bad Feelings

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yes visiting sick relatives. and one in a psyche ward.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

i got a parking ticket

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

no. maybe i did and i had no idea who they were because id never heard of them

24. Baths or showers?

showers.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

alien socks that are green and black

26. Have you ever been famous?

no. what does that even mean !!!!

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

yes because money but noooooo. its hard when one person definitely doesnt like me. if im famous some people just wont like me and theres going to be more of them

28. What type of music do you like?

stuff with electric guitars in it. funk. bops. i cant get enough lately

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

no

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

one. and sometimes NONE. i dont fucking know why its just more comfortable. id lie down on a floor and pass out

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

i usually cant fall asleep unless im on my face with my arms tucked under me for warmpth and general log shape. after that though its chaos. dreamin

32. How big is your house?

BIG!!!!!! so many rooms. so many people. 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

on a Functional day, cereal. not because its my favourite thing but it doesnt require a lot of attention and its easiest to tolerate. my appetite is just. like this

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

HELL no.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

in my child days i shot my hair elastics around and pretended i was fighting aliens. this is definitely archery.

36. Favorite clean word?

i dont really think about words like that. pizza is a nice word.

37. Favorite swear word?

bitch. its really fun to say.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

not all that long. if i was up the entire night i am usually sleeping in midday no matter where i am. ive disappointed many teachers. its called not caring.

39. Do you have any scars?

yes, but theres no dramatic stories to them, just me not leaving scratches and bites alone as a kid. they look kind of cool though. and theyre so mysterious. youd think id have scars from self harm but no.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

i believe so...

41. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i am 100% like morally committed to lying.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

NO. my thought process is: its rude to assume someone is going to behave badly, and they will be offended and have hurt feelings if you anticipate that. i have to like. treat everyone with exactly the same respect unless theyre a dick. otherwise its being judgmental. and it ends up as naïveté. but im okay with that . the price of being a good person

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

i could do a british one once i guess LOL and it looks like now ive Absorbed a mexican accent but i never really try to talk in other accents

44. Do you have a strong accent?

i dont know how to answer this

45. What is your favorite accent?

idk i like new things i havent heard before. and thinking about how other languages work. theres a lot of different accents at my work and i honestly enjoy listening to them

46. What is your personality type?

that.... INFJ. see. psychic

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

one of the gay jackets

48. Can you curl your tongue?

dont think so

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right handed?

left

51. Are you scared of spiders?

depends. i had these big house spiders in my dungeon at my parents house, and id just be “hi” and set them free. but if i see one where im not expecting it i might yell a lot and tell everyone and run around and then set it free

52. Favorite food?

tacos from my old work. i was indeed. screaming, lost in the sauce. i waited until i was away from the restaurant because i knew all my dignity would vanish

53. Favorite foreign food?

idk... i need to eat more curry. i need more curryin my life. bring it on.

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

clean

55. Most used phrased?

“this slaps” i feel like ive been saying that a lot

56. Most used word?

I

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

a whole entire fucking hour (when i wake up) otherwise 5min

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i do, but i hide it. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

chomp chomp. i am not a patient man.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

yes, when i know no ones around, or when im not worried about seeming like a crazy person at work

61. Do you sing to yourself?

nah

62. Are you a good singer?

no. i can sing and it sound okay.  nice even. but good??? like beautiful?????? no.

63. Biggest Fear?

someone dying, natural disaster, new illness

64. Are you a gossip?

maybe. i feel like i have the Tendencies and then im like “am i being a bad person right now”. i want to know the deets though.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

i Simply Dont Have the Attention for Those

66. Do you like long or short hair?

BOTH . long hair is more fun to draw. short hair is hot

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

fuck no. why would i. fuck off. i dont care about your states.

68. Favorite school subject?

ART ART AR T

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

introerverte

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

no

71. What makes you nervous?

people who are not Definitely Cheerful

72. Are you scared of the dark?

no. unless i think about things to scare myself on purpose

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

no unless they need to know. because im not a fucking ANIMAL

74. Are you ticklish?

depends. i can be not ticklish if im determined.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i dont think so... i started a rumor i was from mars

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

maybe i was supposed to train some girls and then i probably didnt do a great job and they didnt listen. they say my job now is somewhat authority and im like...... ok...... 

77. Have you ever drank underage?

no

78. Have you ever done drugs?

no

79. Who was your first real crush?

someone whos OUTTA MY LIFE

80. How many piercings do you have?

two? i got them pierecd at claires lmao and i didnt get an infection because im  so salty. then i took them out because they were from claries

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

hell yes

82. How fast can you type?

so fucking fast. faster than my work finder helper. im fast im very fast

83. How fast can you run?

IM VERY FAST

84. What color is your hair?

orange

85. What color is your eyes?

green

86. What are you allergic to?

im still trying to figure that out. whatever it is gives me hives

87. Do you keep a journal?

yes. so i can get better at handwriting and just talking in general and hear what my voice sounds like. and to have a space away from other peoples needs and pressures

88. What do your parents do?

my mom is a stay at home mom and my dad shoots pop bottles into the sky

89. Do you like your age?

sure

90. What makes you angry?

everything. cabbage. i swore about cabbage for a long time the other day. i am just full of anger. 

91. Do you like your own name?

YES. i mean i chose it i better. honestly my first name ......... i feel self conscious about it sometimes. i think it was the only name for me though. it wasnt the ideal most wonderful namei could find because those didnt fit, it was MY name.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

im going to have two sons and im naming them brick and rusty.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

yeah, i want a boy a girl

94. What are you strengths?

my strengths doing all 100 questions, this is serious muscles

95. What are your weaknesses?

the exhaustion of jumping from one question to the next especially when they are vague. im not complaining this was my idea

96. How did you get your name?

i pfound it in the baby name book and i was lie  “hey yyy, i saw that name in black beauty, lets use it for my gay coded villain what the hell!”

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

no but i did have some ancestors who lives i a mansions andhad fucking SERVANTS. before you call me problematic my other part of family was like sewing things and not going to school 

98. Do you have any scars?

weve been over this. when im older im going to get a cool scar fighting a dragon

99. Color of your bedspread?

pink, white, blue

100. Color of your room?

white

[archived--hell]

1, 2, 17, honestly all of them if you’re up to it

1 - already answered 

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

L O R D T jupiter fuck man got damn id die for jupiter 

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?

i have adopted characters before, but ive never done anything with them, and i have received characters Back from people but besides that nah

4. A character you rarely talk about?

HI PLEASE I BEG OF YOU ASK ABOUT THE GODS PLE AS E IM DYING

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

fuck uh.. honestly if its only semi popular would i do this bc being Well Known would be nice, yeah, but.. it scares me? idk but uh probably leo or aero, theyre two boys i hold close to my heart

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?

:) eldur and leo kinda? idk i try not to make any of them look alike rip

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?

YES! theyre actually all part of one universe called cooking with demons! i have a whole game planned out for the man cast kinda? but all in all its all set within one universe, with multiple different stories occurring within it jhfdksg

8 - already answered

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?

unless specfifically made for them upon request, no. ive already tried that once and it lead to me losing any and all control i had over my characters. At this moment, i only “share” a few ocs with my boyfriend @coffee-burglar and even then, its taken almost a year to even be able to do that

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design?

uh, all of them are kinda complicated for me, but as of right now, that would go to leos full form. (if u want a ref hmu and ill post it, but it wont be my art)

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

like a ray of sunshine? yeah! angel and stitch would fit perfectly for that!

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

@coffee-burglar their oc chrome n koh,  or derek but thats bc im a hoe

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

aero, jhor, innis, leo are all trouble makers to some degree, leo being the most trouble some

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

uhhhh fuck what counts as tragic?

i guess id have to say leo or jupiter mostly, but eldur fits too

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?

if youd let me i would yell about these fucks for hours on end, ive done it

16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)?

the best but wouldnt enjoy it: Jupiterthe best and would absolutely enjoy it: colby

17. Any OC OTPs?

stitch/lavaaero/kohcolby/derek/inniswill/happiness aeyr/Eberictderek/Xhaztolleo/eldur

18. Any OC crackships?

jhfkdfsjghdfkjhgdkfjsgl i never talk abt it but will/aero is fucking A+

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

ah,, leo. i originally made him to project the worst in myself onto, and because of that ive made his life a living shit hole. but,, recently ive been hell bent on giving him a good ending, one where he heals, and lives his life ok, where he finally, finally has a chance to be happy and get help. its,, kind of been a tiny growing point for me? he just, means a lot to me because of that haha

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

uhhh all of their voice claims are songs n such but only a few of them actually sing in canon! heres the voice claims of the ones who do sing:

Aero - thats his voice, but hed probably more likely to sing Something Like ThisAngelStitch - this is her voice! but shed be much more likely to sing something a lot more upbeat, kind of like thisColby (its jeremy from bmc jghfdkg)

and one i dont have a voice claim for yet that does sing canonically is Sycamore! 

21. Your most artistic OC

!!!! oh thatd easily be will! hes nothing professional at all, but he does enjoy drawing and making diy type projects :0c hazels also artistic but with food :0c but what would you expect from a kitchen witch

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how?

Hi My Names Skinny Penis And No One Has Ever Even Looked At My Ocs For More Than Two Seconds

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?

lordt all of them would fit that, but the one thats changed the most? lordy thatd probably be will! he used to be a persona that was mostly only interested in dying and getting fucked, but now hes? evolved into a fully fledged character, and has even changed from being human lmao

24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?

jupiter, simply because he is The Biggest Comfort i have. hes,,, really important to me and i love him a lot

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)

:) its bold of you to assume they dont all resemble me in some way. the most though? damian. lazy motherfucker with 200 emotional issues and no motivation to fix any of them

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will?

…yeah.

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

Nope, most tend to be born from ideas spawned by me n my bf concepting about my ocs, and what would happen if this thing happened? yknow?

28. Your most dangerous OC?

He has yet to be revealed >:)c his names icarus

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

INNIS, GOD INNIS WOULD AND HED PROBABLY DIE

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?

secret: damiannot so secret: colby

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)

uHHhhHh 

damian would probably have a very shitty coded blog theme (or default) and would genuinely only reblog shitty, abstract memes, and nice food recipes for hazel to make him

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

protagonist? if youre going for the scared baby, colby. if ur going for the stoic “thats weird but ok” one, innis or aero.antagonist tho???? Leo and angelica :)

33. Your shyest OC?

uh, a oc thats genuinely shy and not just anxiety filled? angel :0c shes had a very limited interaction pool with anything thats not other angels so she tends to shy away from others bc she really, really doesnt want to get into awkward situations

34. Do you have any twin characters?

Jupiter and leo!

35. Any sibling characters?

Jupiter, leo, angelica, damian, eldur

jupiter, leo, damian, and angelica are all related via their dad, while eldur is related to damian via their mom

36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)?

uhh if im understanding this question right yeah i do! derek, koh, n a lot of others belong to @coffee-burglar ! ive just roped them into my universe dkjfhkdjgh

37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human

Op All Of My Characters Are Inhuman

38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer?

surprisingly? aero! hes got really good rhythm and can actually dance really well, its kinda scary

39. Introduce any character you want

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Ill let yall have a choice, pick one

1.) Lust2.) Greed

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!

fond?? uh,, not really. but damian does have a very important memory attached to him.

tw for suicide ment hjgkdfs

with damian, i created him after i tried to kill myself and was stuck in a mental hospital. i had just finished reaing the first shadowhunters book, and decided to try and draw the first demon(???? was that what he was?? im a dumbass and its been over 2 years) you met, which had bright blue hair and if i remember correctly, electric green eyes? but yeah. i made him to cope with all the mental stress i had while being forced to be in that hospital, and hes become very close to my heart because of that

41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)

!!!!!!!!! yeah!!! my boyfriends drawn damian and most of my characters bgjkfdhgkfdsgl but one i do hold close to my heart (bc at the time, i barely knew them) was when @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone drew aeyr! it made me really happy tbh. i still have it saved to my phone actually!!!

42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods?

uhhhh,,, provided that they found a way to get anything involving earth and their beliefs itd probably be either angel or colby. angel enjoys learning anything and everything she can, while colby enjoys hearing about the Tea™ that comes with greek shit

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

lordt ok

i really just? enjoy making demons really, or anything that doesnt quite fit “conveniently attractive” in at least one form they have. (i also favor making guys bc im Gay)

44. Something you like about your OCs in general

how well theyre coming together, for so long, their stories have been little fractures and pieces that never fit together. Fragments. but now, theyre almost fully put together and its… wonderful to see

45. A character you no longer use?

a hi have.. one. their name was angel aura, a steven universe oc. i got rid of them because of too many.. bad things.

46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?

not directly, but yes. it.. actually helped me give a lot of them a ok life, or at least a good ending

47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child?

@coffee-burglar eldur, colby, will n a few others lmao

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

ELDUR GOD ELDUR PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE THIS KID BACK TO HIS MOM

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes

damian

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want

ghjkfgkfdhgklfjhglkjdfhgslfjdgh give me a actual thing to talk about bc im dying op

[swanisms]

how close is close enough

notes: soulmates with benefits? one true lovers to one true loved? iDK this was an exercise in smut, ive been in a drought

also on ao3

There’s something to be said for the way a soulmate fucks.

The movies, the novels, the articles, the “Soulmates Are Great, Get Yours Now!” sales pitch is that love-making isn’t truly love-making until it’s your One True Love. Too optimistic, “Once Upon a Time” to consider that making love to your soulmate could be the last thing you want.

Fucking them, however, has its perks.

“You look ravishing tonight, Swan.”

Killian’s kiss is sloppy, more than the nip of teeth - blood wells up in what’s sure to leave her lips bruised. He isn’t looking for a reply, or any kind of acknowledgement of his compliment – more accurately, his declaration that this is exactly what he’s about to do: ravish her.

Still, it’s as it always is, because he loves being able to halt the cleverly worded retorts in Emma’s head, to leave her mind completely blanked and blissed out because it gives him the satisfaction that she can walk out that door and never look back, but he’d still be the one imprinted on her, the only one who can make her forget to breathe – naturally. It’s one of the little quirks of having a soulmate, that the oft used and stupidly impossible line is actually possible when everything is so hyper-focused on mine that I goes completely neglected.

Your soulmate is everything to you. He’s supposed to be to hers, but she likes to be hers first so it is as it always is -

“The stalking is getting prosecution-worthy.”

“Your company is the one that hired me to represent them. Appearing at an event that I’ve been invited to isn’t stalking.”

He presses a hard kiss to her lips before her pout becomes a protest of said “invitation.” Killian’s seriously intent on seeing them furiously red and swollen from his attentions, and fuck her if she doesn’t clench her thighs at the thought of his number of meetings tomorrow, when she still carries the well-fucked air about her, in her walk, in her talk, in the way she licks at the mark of his teeth on her bottom lip. Meetings he’ll have to sit through while knowing the remnants of pleasure are still coursing through her, another soulmate quirk where the spiking feelings travel along that invisible line from you to them and her flush of arousal intensifies with his frustration.

She’s come from that alone a few times.

“You may have some grasp on the criminal justice system, but I know the ins and outs, love, and I have more than a dozen arguments to shut you down before your petition even reaches a judge.”

She snorts, and effects a breathy voice, “Oh, that’s hot. Keep telling me just how you can manipulate the law in your favor. It’s just so sexy to know that I can’t do a damn thing to keep you away from me.”

“You can’t.”

Her breath catches at the gentle affirmation - this trace of genuine emotion that she didn’t sign up for. Emma only wants to feel the press of his hard length against her belly and not the leap her heart makes into her throat.

“We’ve had enough of that, haven’t we?” he breathes against her lips.

Emma’s eyes shut hastily. She doesn’t want to see the months of being unable to sleep, the anxiety launching even the thought of it out the window because of the sea between them. That it was only soothed when he caught the red-eye and got stuck at JFK for hours before taking a cab straight to her door. She’d opened it before Killian knocked, and he’d moved swiftly, bags falling to the floor as he tilted her chin to align their lips perfectly in a kiss of “hello, nice to meet you, be mine forever,” before stepping back to groan with utter exhaustion, “Can we go to bed?”

They’d slept for hours, entire days, waking up to shower, eat, and study each other in equal measure, until the exhaustion eased enough for them to actually work through this thing. They’d decided on Killian transferring to New York because picking up his entire life and moving it into hers was better than the reverse (she’d finally found a place that she liked enough to stay, not loved, but she’d made roots here, the first she’d ever been able to, and he’d understood that from the sparse, sanitized history in her personnel file. Probably more from the way she’d said, “I like New York,” into the bedspread, picking at the sheets instead of looking at him). She’d made a very minimal protest when he announced that he’d been offered a job by Regina in the past and he was certain the offer would still stand even ten years after she’d grudgingly, unhappily given it.

There was no protest at all when Emma walked into her bathroom to find him naked and dripping water on her floor because he’d opted to towel off his hair first. It had gone straight from her catching his eyes to Killian lifting her atop her sink to fuck away her anger at him for soaking her recently mopped floor. Her faucet left a deep imprint in the small of her back and he’d smirked as he massaged the pain away – and then massaged her lower and into quick decision: fuck soulmates, soulmate fucks, it is.

(She closed her eyes, didn’t she? So why can she still see it so crystal clear?)

“No you can’t,” he breathes hotly.

Her lips are captured again, her hair with them as he slips his fingers in and tugs at the tangled curls, grip tight just as she likes it - the way he likes it, a mirroring desire. Emma’s hand slips between them to palm him through his pants – her lips parting on a sharp breath at the weight of him, all of him straining towards her. Her fingers are soon at his belt, and the difficulty of doing this one-handed is worth it because her other hand grips his shoulder, nails carving half-moons through the layer of his shirt – the taut muscle feels so good to hold onto; she doesn’t like to let it go.

Killian hisses at the pain, and returns it in kind. Her hair pulls painfully at the roots as he throws her head back, her gasp embarrassingly audible - her moan reverberating through her whole body as he kisses the line of her jaw. His teeth scrape against her chin before he attacks her neck, beard and teeth rubbing the delicate skin raw. Clearly admiring his handiwork, he nuzzles his nose just beneath her ear while his body shakes against her in quiet, teasing laughter.

Emma’s fingers are fumbling now, but she manages to finally release the expensive buckle, tugs the zip down because his pants are far too tight for her to just slide her hand between the band and his skin.

The hard planes of his stomach jump inward as her nails tickle the dark hair trekking a downward path, and then his cock does, the hot, hard length seeking the heat of her palm. In some kind of feat of strength, she resists just grabbing him in hand like she wants to and brushes just her fingertips over him, not even a caress.

She moans at the slight sensation, though because he’s so hot and rigid and she hasn’t even felt his bare length yet, and she wants to so desperately, mouth parting at the thought of taking him in hand, in mouth, inside her. Emma wants to fuck him, overwhelmingly so, a wave of moisture turning her underwear useless, no point in keeping them on because they’re ruined, utterly ruined by him.

Killian licks the shell of her ear, and promises darkly – and oh, it’s a promise – “Keep that up and I’m going to fuck you right here against this door, and have the staff knocking it down because of your pretty screams - I’m quite tempted to take you until the door comes off the hinges…” He trails off only to bite at her earlobe, hard, and as she whimpers at the shock of pain, rolling her hips because she’s so desperate for the same focused attention, he asks, “Would you like that, hmm? To spend all week with an aching back, so well-fucked that every time you move you’re reminded of me, every small shift a lesson in why you shouldn’t tease a man so desperate for you.”

He is - he’s hungry for her, hips slamming forward, crushing her hand between their bodies. The door does echo the motion, her back hitting it hard. The air goes out of her from the blow, her legs parting instinctively to allow him between. Killian tugs her hair one more time before she’s scrambling to catch up and wrap her arms around his neck before he hoists her up by her ass and carries her to her bed. She remembers vaguely, that she’d brought work with her when she hears papers crinkling beneath her shoulders - but it doesn’t matter, nothing matters but how he follows her down, thrusting between her legs, forcing her skirt up so that they can collide, his erection dragging hotly against her soaked cunt. He groans as that wetness melts through his boxers too - but it isn’t all her, he’s so hard that she can taste the fluid coating the head of his cock, salt leaking from the tip in desire - desire too soft of a word for what they have - not true love-making but soul fucking -

If they don’t get undressed soon, she’s going to come in her underwear, and he’s going to curse her for ruining his pants.

Not that his curses are so bad, though, given the way he makes her reap the consequences, rutting against her until he’s hard as before, but she’s so far gone that the first thrust makes her come, the second, third, every meeting drawing out her pleasure into a bliss it takes hours for her to wake up from.

“Swan, I’m always impressed by how easily distracted you are when you’re beneath me.”

His words whip at her ears, all the warning Emma gets. It’s the bite of a man tired of having to repeat himself, but she can never stop herself from thinking of him in the past, present and future when they’re together, it all blends into just one thought: Killian, and he always has to fight to pull her from that.

He likes the fight, though, likes to drag her back to this moment - he thrusts hard, driving her into the mattress, the pain of their meeting, and indescribable pleasure, never given time to settle. He pulls back quickly, reaching his hand where his cock was, and tearing her underwear to the side, one finger already worked into her before she can think to whine, to beg, to plead her case in more than moans and twisting in the sheets.

Killian’s finger goes knuckle deep, would sink deeper if his ring didn’t catch on her tight entrance, if she wasn’t so taut already that he could slip it within, the drag of the cold metal on her sensitive walls - her gasps as he pulls out, bring his finger to his lips so she can see her juices making the jewels glimmer.

“If you don’t bloody stay here, lass, I’m going to -”

“Do what?” she breaks in.

Emma opens her eyes, because that’s her problem every time, when she closes her eyes, she can see every Killian there is, but when she opens them, he’s the only one before her. His face hovers close to hers, eyes narrowed in frustration, bright blue darkened black in maddening need. Dark hair clings to his damp forehead.

He’s so beautiful, and she reaches up to tell him so with her fingers, brushing them over his too-kissed and not kissed enough lips, down his neatly shaved jaw, over his neck and to the nape.

Her hand feels right there.

It feels right when he turns his head to kiss her arm, still maddened, but smiling when he pulls away, drags his finger free of her so she lets out a soft gasp - not of loss. It’s never that. He never leaves her; never. Merely directs his attention elsewhere, to the waist of his pants, forcing them down his hips with no care for his comfort, and properly pulls up her skirt so there’s no pull on her legs to keep them from spreading wide in welcome. He takes a short moment to divest her of her underwear, cool air making her thighs tremble.

Killian’s cock bobs between them and she looks and looks and looks until she looks, lifting her gaze from his fat length and back to his face. He’s watching her - no need to study because he knows her well, knows her best, but watches her because he -

He smiles at her, satisfied, but not amused enough to call it a smirk – his dimples too deep to simply place on the deep red blush spread from her cheeks to her chest and everywhere his eyes can see and everywhere where he can’t. It isn’t just the sweat on her skin, her hard nipples straining against her blouse or even the damp hair tossed recklessly about her.

It tangles Emma, the words in that smile. She wants to shut her eyes and throw herself back into that melee of simply him and none of that expression already plaguing her, its words echoing in her head: he’s happy with what she’s giving him and yet, wants more.

Killian’s gaze averts to her spread legs and she breathes relief out, breathes torment in when he licks his lips, filth in the quick motion, and says, “You have the most beautiful cunt.” He brings his hand to her, stopping just short of touching her to say, “It burns to the touch,” even though he isn’t touching her, not at all, and then adds, “It burns not to.”

He moves and Emma does, too. He presses his knees between her and drags her to him, his cock smacking against her, earning a hiss from the both of them. She reaches up to find that perfect handhold at the nape of his neck, and with the other she grabs his forearm, ready to pull him to her the moment he sinks within.

It takes Killian a moment to find her, his cock spreading lush wetness everywhere; she can believe she’s this wet but every time it happens she’s a little amazed, a little embarrassed of what he does to her. He’s too focused on watching her face to ease their ache, and it isn’t as if she can’t help him with that because just like him, she can’t look away. She could blink and she still wouldn’t miss it because he can hold that look for a lifetime. It’s the look reserved for her, born the moment she swung open her door to let him in. It’s the heavy gaze, the soft almost-smile that says he’s never left, never will.

Emma hates the whimper that leaves her mouth when he finally guides home, his rigid length always a stretch that she never adjusts to, so thick that it always burns when he fills her - always, something about soulmates setting you alight with a simple touch, but always to make you believe in love, not ascribed to them fucking into you until becoming one feels less like two hearts meeting and more unconvinced that they’ll ever be able to part when he’s nudging the very end of her, her walls grabbing him and not wanting to let go.

She pulls Killian down, not moving besides a slight shifting that makes her bite her lip when he pulls at her. He moans at that - buries his face in her neck and kisses her over and over again until her skin burns too. She pulls his head back, forcing him to rise above her, and returns his fervent kisses with her own. Her tongue plunges into his mouth greedily, their lips moving, maybe not perfectly in tune, but there’s no misstep; they follow each other’s lead.

Her hips follow his when he draws himself out.

But his hand grabs her waist, squeezing hard, and Emma’s pushed back down, allowing him to pull out of her, almost completely free so that she gets the full weight of his inward thrust. She lets out a sharp cry against his lips and pulls away to find comfort in his neck. She can’t see them like this, but she’s spent enough time committing them to memory with her lips that she can trace her tongue along the few small freckles dotting Killian’s skin.

She doesn’t fight the pace he sets, slow and deep - she’s happy with what he gives her, too, and yet she wants more, shudders beneath him with wanting him in fast, short thrusts that hit her hard. He flexes his hand on her waist, and releases her to flatten his hand on her abdomen and feel the shudder for himself.

“Good girl,” Killian says, kissing the crown of her head, continuing to take her the way he likes. She flushes at his words, caught in his sincere words, overcome by how easily he says it and how deeply she feels it, “You’re doing so good for me, love, letting me have you like this. You don’t know what it does to me - what a gift you are.” He keeps kissing her head, she feels it as his nose sinks into her hair with every mark of affection. “Want you -”

She keens quietly, her own nose brushing the coarse hair of his neck as she lifts her head from the embrace, parting them only so their heads can come flush together, resting - but not quite because her eyes are wide open as are his, fully aware of the other –

As aware as she is, Emma feels completely and utterly helpless to the thing suddenly rising within her, urging her to words she’s never even thought to voice.

“...more than anything?” she asks.

Killian nods. “Aye, more than anything.”

She keeps her eyes open up until the moment he kisses her, and then it isn’t about the joining of their lips, or the way he picks up speed, or even his hand crossing the distance between her belly and her curls, thumb finding her swollen clit and rubbing it in deliciously hard circles - Emma keeps her eyes open because this is more than anything, more than everything, more than it could and should possibly be.

She closes them because if she doesn’t, she’s afraid she’ll be lost in the impossibility of it all and lose the reality of it, of him.

(That Killian is hers.)

Emma closes them because, more than anything, if she doesn’t, the next words from her mouth might be “I love you.”

Rocking against her, Killian keeps kissing her until she can’t breathe from it, panting harshly as his fingers and his cock bring her closer and closer to orgasm - and then he’s talking to her, though she can barely make out the words because blood is rushing in her ears and his murmurs are nonsense at best, lust and affection and everything jumbled together.

She cries out when he increases the pressure on her clit, three swift swipes of his thumb and a deep drive of his hips completing her. She barely holds on - usually doesn’t because flying into that space between heavenly and heaven is all she wants - but this time, she doesn’t blank out, maybe because she’s come so close to ruination, maybe because she wants to be ruined, but she holds on and she hears her name, broken on Killian’s lips, a prayer that only she can answer, rolling her hips up to meet his so he rocks his pleasure against her very core, riding out his orgasm - their orgasm.

(Theirs.)

He collapses atop her, and he’s heavy, but she doesn’t push him off. She’s too close right now to let him go far.

“We’re not sleeping like this, are we?” he queries.

She likes the way he sounds after, always does, but like doesn’t really describe the depth of it - and neither does the soulmate thing, the feelings jumping from her to him to her to him. It’s just that ‘like’ never could come close to it.

“No, but -”

Emma swallows and feels her chest tighten, and her heart race. All this is dragging her towards the yawning jaws of panic – it’s all going to be ruined if he moves off of her, if she lets a distance grow. The distance that never bothered her, even when Killian was a continent away and she couldn’t sleep at all, is terrifying now - and now of all times, because she’s never felt this way, the sudden strike unexplainable.

“But -” she says again when he starts to move.

But, Killian parts them, pulling out of her and falling back on his knees so he can see her clearly. With the clarity of sight, he pulls her up too, drawing her close, worry wrinkling his brow, panic in his eyes.

“Emma, hey. It’s okay. It’s okay, I’m here.”

Yeah, she’s aware, and with that awareness comes the helplessness, and the words tumble from her mouth.

“I love you, I’m sorry.”

Killian cants his head, both eyebrows jumping just as she begins to cry. She thanks whatever decided that she should have someone for her always and forever, thanks them with how much she hates this. More than anything, she hates this.

…more than anything?

She should never have asked the question.

“You’re sorry?”

He sighs and she closes her eyes, willing the tears to stop but they don’t because why would they? It feels like they’ve just been waiting to fall all along.

Waiting for her to fall with them.

“Well, I don’t mean to upset you, Emma, but I’m not.”

She doesn’t open her eyes.

But he cups her face, fingers at her neck and thumb caressing her cheek, and it’s the way he caresses the wet track of tears that makes her open them. Like he wants to brush them away, but can’t.

He smiles, humored brightness to the blue of his eyes, “No, not in the slightest. I’m glad that you’ve chosen to love me. It’s good. Puts us on the same page.”

“What?”

Killian shrugs his shoulders in explanation. Somehow, the small motion is reassuring – the followed itching at the spot behind his ear drawing her smile. She’s crying and he’s nervous, and yeah, she feels like they’re on the same page.

“I decided a while back that I’d love you because you’re mine. Not in the way that we belong together, but that you make me feel like I belong.”

She can’t think how to reply to that – to give words to the emotions that rise… “What the hell?” seems pretty inappropriate right now even though it’s her go-to response to things that throw her off course, out of mind, and completely unable to fathom.

Thankfully – or knowingly – he keeps going without her words.

“I’m not particularly fond of the fluke of birth that had us awake for three horrible months before I could convince Liam that finding you was life or death -” he pauses in consideration, a fond smile at the memory “- I think it was the motorcycle accident that turned the cards in my favor. Nothing like a concussion to get a stubborn git to give you access to his special contacts.”

Liam, his brother. Special contacts…

“What the hell?”

Completely ignoring her question, he says, “I can usually work the law in my favor, but he’s a bit of a stickler for doing things the Right Way, tends to work in the written law and not the spirit of it.”

“Yikes.”

A grin takes him, and with clear pride, he says, “You two will get on swimmingly.”

Narrowing her eyes – there’s always some double meaning when he references anything having to do with the sea – Emma asks, “Jaws theme swimmingly?”

Killian laughs, loud and obnoxious, and Emma pushes at him, rolling her eyes only to feel the lingering wetness in them, to remember that she’d been crying and he’s clearly trying to help her forget, and she loves him for that.

She loves him, and she doesn’t have to be sorry.

He looks at her, obnoxious, too-satisfied smile gone to an indulgent smile, like he wants to give her whatever she wants. Killian brushes her fingers with his. Emma returns the touch, her fingertips resting on his knuckles, stroking softly.

He clears his throat, drawing her attention back to him – something needs to be said, yeah, of course. She nods at him, offering a soft reassurance that is probably more for her than him – he knows her best, but she knows herself just as well.

“I hate that this was seemingly decided for us but -”

He shrugs, and she supplies, “I don’t hate you.”

“Thanks,” he says, his sarcasm softened by her moving to place her hands on his chest, and then sweeping across to buttons of his shirt. She starts unfastening at the neck or, rather, upper-chest because even professional doesn’t warrant an aesthetic change with him – she likes that.

Her progress has taken her halfway down when his hands fall on hers, stilling her movements.

“Thank you,” he says, his grateful words weighted with the kind of emotions that are supposed to warrant an explosion in her chest, effusive declarations of true love and forever and “‘Til death do us part…if we file this quickly we can get married tonight!”

She smiles and lets him wipe at the tears still on her cheeks while she returns to unbuttoning his shirt. With a hum of affection - and maybe just a small firework show in her heart - she says, “You’re welcome.”

[geodebiome]

i got tagged by @hleclercq and @lord-seapancake thank you !!!

1: Are you named after someone?

i dont think so? i do remember there used to be this news channel called nova and when i was born they talked about me but that doesnt count i think haha

2: When was the last time you cried?  

not to be emo or anything but i am always crying about shelter. did you know theres only two shows left? what the fuck

3: Do you like your handwriting?

its......absolutely terrible.....ive been trying to change it but it just doesnt work i simply cant write

4: What is your favorite lunch meat?

i never rlly eat lunch meat?? i guess ill have to go for salami

5: Do you have kids?

no, and i dont rlly want any. maybe someday through adoption, but i dont want to give birth to a fucking gremlin yikes (im sorry but being pregnant just totally grosses me out)

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

haha that really depends on what kind of person i’d be? like idk if i could keep up with my own antics if i didnt understand what causes these antics, you know?

7: Do you use sarcasm?

never heard of it (yes)

8: Do you still have your tonsils?

hell yeah

9: Would you bungee jump? 

if i can sabotage the rope and die

10: What is your favorite kind of cereal?

the minions banana berry flavor nick ate in that vid (jk i dont eat cereal like at all)

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

yeah

12: Do you think you’re a strong person?

physically NO emotionally???? idk?? what is emotionally strong? does the fact that im dealing with mental illnesses make me weak or strong? we’ll never know

13: What is your favourite ice cream? Ever, ever?

just plain good ol milk chocolate, or maybe lemon?? but with lemon im really specific!! like theres this ice cream shop around the corner that has terrible lemon, but one time i went to one place that had the Best lemon flavor EVER. id do anything to taste that again

14: What is the first thing you notice about people?

that really depends on what their most noticable feature is haha. like when they got pretty eyes or a cool nose or nice hair thats what i notice first

15: What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself?

the fact that my hair and skin get really oily and greasy very quickly... its uglie and annoying. and maybe that im so small lol. overall im p positive about my body tbh

16: What color pants and shoes are you wearing now?

none shoes grey pants

17: What are you listening to right now?

snail’s house is the shit

18: If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

a darker shade of blueish green? like midnight green or something? thats not exactly what im looking for tho

19: Favorite smell?

yknow when it just rained after a long time without rain and you go outside

20: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

my sister i think?

21: Favorite sport to watch?

i dont rlly watch sports like at all..... i do like.... swimming,,,,and ice skating....yeah those are anime references and i am sorry

22: Hair color?

my natural color is blonde but once that started fading into this uglie gross blonde i just dyed it orange, and its been like that for a couple years now. recently i dyed it pink, but you cant rlly see that anymore

23: Eye color?

green

24: Do you wear contacts?

nope

25: Favorite food to eat?

anything pasta, nasi goreng (without the egg ew), or just plain ol fries

26: Scary movies or comedy?

that really depends on what movie it is but overall i prefer scary movies

27: Last movie you watched?

spirited away i think ;w; i cried a lot 

28: What color of shirt are you wearing?

dark gray, with a deathly hallows print lmao. once youre in the hp fandom you never get out

29: Summer or winter?

summer, but i do love winter when its actually snowing. when its just rain and grey skies i hate it

30: Hugs or kisses?

why not combine the two??

31: What book are you currently reading?

a couple days ago i started reading harry potter and the sorcerer’s stone again lmao

32: Who do you miss right now?

@void--star

33: What is on your mouse pad?

dont have one lol

34: What is the last TV program you watched?

bates motel

35: What is the best sound?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6C880_JzUTw

36: Rolling stones or The Beatles

dont rlly listen to either tbh

37: What is the furthest you have ever traveled?

to turkey was the furthest i think?

38: Do you have a special talent?

i guess i can draw?? and im p good at writing even tho i never do it

im tagging @void--star @synthettique @mlemilly @comeonandsmash @dogtracksjacks @passiphae @daniandpuffins @trashdotpng assuming you havent done this one already lol