#ive been meaning to do this for a while lol
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hi, everyone. i hope you all are doing well. i’ve been meaning and wanting to check in here for many months but i have also been too afraid to. but i want to do it now because im potentially at a turning point and i want you all (especially close friends and mutuals who i haven’t talked to in a long time) to know what’s going on because unfortunately i do not have the strength to reach out individually right now, as much as i desperately want to.
when i left this place a year ago my depression was extremely bad. i didn’t know how long i was going to be gone or whether i was leaving for good, but i knew i needed to make some changes in my life before i could be here healthily again. well… 2024 has been a year of IMMENSE change for me! a lot of it has been for the good. i made some progress in my life by moving out, and i’ve had a lot of joy and healing in (very slowly) building a home for myself and figuring out what kind of life i want to live and how i want to live it. (im learning how to drive! i have string lights and stuffed animals and a wii! i am capable of solo travel!)
but… a lot of the changes that have happened this year have been for the worse. in almost every respect 2024 has been one of the most difficult and painful years of my life (and that is saying something!). this year a couple of traumatic things have happened to me and around me, and it has been extremely hard to live my life despite and beyond them. i have been dealing with physical and mental health issues that have greatly impacted my quality of life and make it unbearably difficult for me to get through every day. i am constantly running on negative spoons. one of the most damaging outcomes of this is that i have almost completely withdrawn from society both online and off and that is not an exaggeration. ive stopped talking to all of my friends and family except for people i see every day at work. i impulsively isolate myself when im in pain / distress despite knowing both emotionally and logically that it makes literally everything worse and i don’t know how to (and often can’t muster the mental strength to) work through the shame and grief and anxiety to seek connection and support. and im struggling to take care of myself including physically and its having severe consequences in every aspect of my life and in the lives of people who care about me. i live alone and i still think that was the good and right choice for me to make, but i am profoundly and agonizingly lonely. my depression was extremely bad when i left here, but i think despite everything it might be even worse now.
all of this is to say: this week i finally decided i can’t suffer like this anymore, and i began the process of seeking a formal diagnosis for my depression and other mental health issues and exploring additional treatment beyond talk therapy (most likely meds but there may be other things too / instead; still at the very beginning stages of figuring it all out). i am extremely anxious about many dimensions of this but also hopeful that it will help me hurt less because when i tell you at this point my brain and heart physically ache from depression like 85% of every day…. lol. im really hoping that once i get my mental / emotional pain under control i’ll be able to start tending to the parts of my life that have withered while ive suffered and repair the damage of my neglect as best i can. (which is to say… if you’re my friend and you’re reading this please know i love you and i miss you terribly and i am so sorry we haven’t spoken and i am so sorry im telling you this in a tumblr post you may not even read instead of a reply or a call back. i still love you and i want you to know it is not you specifically i am ghosting, its everyone. i am trying to build the strength and im scared i can’t but i hope i can.)
that said… i have decided i am not going to be coming back to this blog. i miss this place and the community i felt connected to here, but the way i was using this website as a public diary was extremely unhealthy, and as much as i miss it and still crave the instant comfort/validation i see clearly now with months of distance how damaging it was. (i truly cannot believe i was oversharing like that lol i am so private now (yes due largely to mental illness but still!)) i am so grateful to everyone who reassured me when i was struggling and celebrated my successes. this was the first place, online or off, where i (misguidedly but it’s true!) could actually be honest and candid about things happening in my life and my reactions to them instead of communicating it all through metaphors in my art and poetry, and it truly mattered that i had that experience here so that i could seek out more spaces like it in my offline life. i know i already said thank you in a previous update but really… thank you. 💗🫂
im not planning on deleting this blog. i may come back here and share updates like this one from time to time, but otherwise i will leave it as it is. but… i do want to get back to using a few of my fandom-centered sideblogs because looking at and compiling art of things i like is a low-energy thing that makes me happy! so you may see activity there every once in a while (tbh during this hiatus i have opened tumblr from time to time to look at art and save a bunch of posts that i wanted to reblog eventually lol). but… if i notice myself slipping back into bad habits i may private the sideblogs or abandon them completely.
i don’t know how to end this post. actually wait yes i do. one of my all time favorite artists is anna-laura sullivan (@/annalaura_art on instagram) and this is one of my all time favorite drawings of hers (so much so that i made it my lock screen so i can look at it every day!). this saying has brought me a lot of comfort and i hope it (and her other art) will bring you comfort too if you’re also in a dark place.
one more thing: not to be kind of a freak but in writing this post i discovered a longer version of my goodbye post from last year in my drafts. i don’t remember why i didn’t post it and obviously it’s outdated now but i want to share the draft because i went into more detail about tumblr having been helpful for me specifically when it comes to my mutuals + info / disclaimers about how to reach me and i want you guys to hear that in my past self’s voice lol! i put it under the cut if you want to read it!
2023 tess said it best: i hope you know how much it’s meant to me to be in your company. thank you for sharing and thank you for listening. i love you. happy [almost] new year. be well. good luck. shine bright. until we meet again ☕️🐈🫂💗
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My Favorite Whump (or whump-y) Series
@pretty-face-breaker ‘s Emir’s Masterlist (1973)
@deluxewhump ‘s The Blackmuir Reign
@deluxewhump ‘s True North
@whumpwillow ‘s Hazeshift
@whump-in-the-closet ‘s Liberosis
@ashintheairlikesnow ‘s Erase to Control
@whumpering-heights ‘s Behind the Masks
@deluxewhump ‘s Frathouse Boxboy (Z2) (some NSFW)
@whumpsday ‘s Kane and Jim
@/coldresolve ‘s Moneymakers (pls do not tag as whump)
@whumblr ‘s :
Home is Where the Hurt is
Custody Series
@painsandconfusion ‘s With You
@whump-world ‘s Deal with the Devil (NSFW)
@spookyboywhump ‘s Wren/Zander/Cain
@whumpshaped ‘s Devil... h-hot... (crack whump) (SOME NSFW)
@whumpshaped ‘s 7 Minutes in Hell
@whumpzone ‘s Linden and Colton (SOME NSFW)
Tomas and Rowe
@the-bloody-sadist ‘s Dancing with Death
@hurting-fictional-people ‘s Whumpee Betrays Caretaker
@whump-tr0pes ‘s Honor Bound
@whumpers-inc ‘s Who Wants To Be A Whumpee?
@thoughtsonhurtandcomfort ‘s Arrin and Alex (SOME NSFW)
@secretwhumplair ‘s No Warrior (some implied NSFW)
@whumpacabra ‘s The Black Knight
@ shameless whumper’s Jericho series
(since this is gonna be ongoing and constantly edited pls lemme know if every time i edit it tags yall again and i’ll unlink the @‘s 😅💖)
#ive been meaning to do this for a while lol#so i can revisit them 😌#this will be an ongoing list#also in no particular order i could never rank them#im rediscovering so many series ive missed aaaaaaa
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hey hey hey new carrd :3
#ive been meaning to do this for a while lol#my first one was... not great tbh#i made it a lot more concise and easy to read!#also features mrs megurine luka#it looks better on desktop but works on mobile too!!
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Hero.
#legend of zelda#echoes of wisdom#loz eow#loz#zelda#tri#josh art tag#been meaning to do a full on stained glass drawing for like 2 years now lol#ive had ideas but none really stuck with me until this one#and the reason why is cuz this one was more of a scene! it wasnt just a normal drawing made to look like stained glass#it had what is supposed to be a literal window with someone standing before it looking up at it#also i find the timing of this drawing funny#cuz i just recently changed my shading style to resemble stained glass even more so than usual#cuz for years now ive gottem comments saying#my style reminds people of stained glass#and sometimes i see it sometimes i dont#cuz my shading style changes and sometimes it really did look glass like#but other times i dont think it did?? but i still got those comments??#maybe its like the way i do lineart or block out shapes?#idk but recently when i was growing tired of my previous coloring style i remembered those comments#and decided to lean into it#but now just a little while after that#here i am doing a legit stained glass illustration lol
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Clone^2 - Separation Strikes
"Why do I have to go?" Damian asks, surly and accent-thick, it sounds more like a demand and a whine at the same time. Sitting on the kitchen table with his arms crossed, in a green t-shirt that Danny bought him at a whim when he was at a thrift shop, and black shorts, he's never looked more like a kid. There's a little backpack leaning against the table leg, Damian begrudgingly picked it out when they went shopping.
His English has grown in leaps and bounds since Danny found him -- er, or more accurately; since Damian was spat out in front of him. -- and very little did they have to use the translator on Danny's phone these days.
Which meant one thing: Damian can start attending school comfortably now. And 'go' was the Amity Smiles Child Care Center. Danny and Jazz went as kids until they were twelve, and Mom and Dad actually managed to convince the center director to let Damian enroll for the summer.
And it was summer; Damian starts today.
"Because," Danny says, trying and failing to hide the smile pulling on his face, his heart warm and soft, and also laughing at Damian's expense; "being cooped up in the house all day isn't good for you, and you're starting school in the Fall. And, in Jazz's words: you need to have interactions with other kids your age for the benefit of your social development. And besides, it's only for the morning."
Damian's nose scrunches up, and his eyes roll so violently that for a moment, Danny thinks about joking that he'll get his eyes stuck like that. He holds his tongue; his little brother already looks like he's five seconds away from committing an act of violence.
"I don't need social interaction." Damian sneers, his cheek in his hand; a neverend pool of pride. "I am--"
"The Blood of the Demon Heir, better than everyone else." Danny cuts off, waving his hand in dismissive circles, his voice mockingly deep. Damian's brown skin darkens in embarrassment, and he scowls at Danny. "I know, bud. But Jazz is right, -- don't tell her I said that, -- you should be around kids your age."
Especially when he starts First Grade in the Fall. Honestly -- Danny was a little nervous to send him to the center. Damian's long since cut the habit of trying to kill or otherwise maim people, his palms ache-burn with gentle reminder, but his tongue was as sharp and as cutting as his sword. He still struggles with trying to quell it when he's upset. Vicious child-weapon that he once was, and will never be again.
Danny knows that it comes from a place of fear and defense, that Damian lashes out because that's what he's been taught. That at the end of the day, he doesn't really mean what he says, and he's learning to express himself better. But the other kids don't know that, and kids can be unforgiving and cruel.
Danny just...
His slow beating heart sighs, melancholy settles behind his lungs.
He doesn't want Damian to be outcasted. He doesn't want him to be alone.
Not like he was.
Damian sneers again, but says nothing, his shoulders crawling up to hide his ears like a turtle receding into his shell. Danny watches him silently, leaning against the kitchen counter with his own arms crossed. The clock hanging on the wall ticks in their ears -- it's almost time to go.
He watches Damian, careful, and so he sees it when his little brother's stone-shell pride and petulance shudders, and cracks. The darkened furrow of Damian's brows weakens, and for a moment, slants back.
Ah, Danny thinks, his own shoulders slumping. Epiphany washes over him, and his sad-heart soothes in warm understanding. So that's what it is.
His head tilts, and his hair spills over his shoulders, messy and fluffy, tickling his neck. Some of his bangs fall into his face. "Hal 'ant easabiatan ya habibi?" He asks, voice low and soft. Just as Damian's English has improved, so has Danny's Arabic. He still stumbles over himself some days, and Damian says his accent is trash, but they can have whole conversations now in Damian's mothertongue.
(Danny was incredibly proud of himself for it.)
Damian's face darkens, his blush spreading across the rest of his face, and he ducks his head down. Grown-out curls, black-brown and springy, falls over his eyes. "La!" He yells, loud and indignant, and not at all convincingly. "La 'asheur bialtawaturi!"
He was nervous. Danny can see it now, in the hunch of his shoulders and the tightness of his face, and faintly, he can feel it too. In the ecto-rich air of the Fentonworks House, it thrums, barely-there, like a hummingbird behind his lungs.
Danny can't stop the little, fond smile that forces itself across his lips and upticks the corner of his mouth. "It's okay to be nervous, little brother." He says, he sounds like Jazz when he says that. He doesn't think she'll mind him borrowing the nickname.
He pushes himself off the counter, and Damian refuses to look at him, hiding behind his hair and in his shoulders. It takes three long strides for him to reach the table, and Danny turns, plants his hands on the ledge, and hoists himself up. Right next to Damian.
Damian leans into him easily when Danny's arm wraps around his shoulders and tucks him close to his heart. He can feel his ear against his ribs. Danny hunches over him, resting his chin on Damian's head. "It's so okay to be nervous, actually. I was nervous, Jazz was nervous." He tells him, scratching the blunt edge of his nails across his scalp. "Everyone gets nervous."
"'Ana last aljumiea." Damian mumbles, as small and feeble as he was the night on the OPS Center balcony, realizing that his mom and the League weren't coming for him. Realizing that he was replaceable.
Danny's half-working heart squeezes; in grief, in rage, and his faucet eyes sting. He breathes in carefully, and presses his nose into Damian's hair in a loving faux-kiss. "You're right, you're not everyone." He says, steady and strong, because if he's not a pillar for his family, who else is he?
He can feel Damian's eyes flick up to him, and Danny smiles into his black-brown curls. Tilts his head to squish his cheek against him instead, hand dropping to thumb below Damian's lashes. "You're Damian Fenton," Because the adoption went through a few weeks ago, and he's still riding that high, "You're my baby brother. O' Artist Extraordinaire, Kickass with a Sword, Vegetarian and Wonderful Co-Ghost Hunter."
Damian tries to stifle a smile, and fails. Score! Triumph gathers in Danny's gut, his smile grows wider. He squeezes Damian tight, and only releases him so he can look him in the eyes. "And if anyone gives you a hard time at school, and I mean anyone--"
Danny has bad memories of the teachers looking the other way when the other kids were bullying him, all because he was a Fenton.
And Danny, bleeding heart, bleeding hands, loves his family more than he will ever love himself, will never let Damian experience the same injustice. Not if he can help it.
His eyes narrow, and the buzzy-film of ectoplasm covers his eyes, making them glow, "--You tell me. And as your awesome great big brother-and-technically-dad-but-only-biologically, I will handle it."
Damian, wonderfully made, full of light, his little brother Damian, giggles weakly at him. A sound that's worth it's weight in gold. The scary eyes dissipate, and Danny matches the sound with a cock-eyed, impish grin, dragging Damian into a soul-crushing, too-tight hug. The kind that only annoying older brothers can give. "Got it?"
That gets a proper, if short, laugh out of Damian. He wriggles in Danny's arms, trying to break free. But Danny does calisthenics, his arms are as big as Damian's head, so it doesn't work. "Understood, now, daeni 'adhhab ya 'akhi!"
Danny laughs, loud and bright, and loosens his hold just a smidge, only so he can adjust his grip and hop off the table with Damian still in arm.
"Never!" He crows, hoisting Damian slightly. One eye flick at the clock, and in one quick move, he secures Damian under one arm like a football, and hooks his foot under the strap of his backpack. Kicking it up, he tosses it into the air and catches it with his free hand, and slings it over his shoulder. "Now, to the car, my boy! Before we're late and Mom and Dad get charged."
Damian groans, childish and dramatic and long, but his face is all squished up with a wide grin and glee. Danny can taste his joy beneath his tongue.
"And, if my little pep talk didn't encourage you," He says, reaching the door to the garage, flipping Damian up onto his hip instead. "If you have a good day today, I'll make you bal mithai when you get back."
Like all kids at the promise of sweets, Damian's eyes widen and glitter. Danny loves seeing Damian be a kid, it's his favorite thing in the world. "I will!"
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc au#dpxdc fic#dpxdc ficlet#clone^2#clone danny fenton#MAN I LOVE THIS AU SM#clone danny#danny fenton is a clone#i lomv. them :((( SO MUCH. I'VE MISSED WRITING THEM. i had this idea since talking to purple-goo-writes abt clone danny last week#they mean everything to me. they are the brothers ever. so family coded. don't ask me about the timeline here it doesnt exist#its post-danny's hands getting permanently fucked up and thats it lol.#parent danny is great but 'big brother danny' is SO fucking fun to write. he's silly and goofy and annoying in the way only siblings are#smth about writing danny being so full of love and kindness and protective compassion. bleeding heart that he is. its like doing cocaine#chaotic danny is SO fun and silly but kIND danny is. holy shit its better than getting high. altho ive never been high so i can only guess#there's just smth addictive in writing him being affectionate and loving and caring. he's heartful and heart full.#he's sweet - not like sugar - but like caramel. fulfilling and chewy. a kindness that gets stuck in your teeth and melts on your tongue#he's such an annoying older brother. i love him#bal mithai is a type of pakistani dessert btw. since Nanda Parbat is based off the mountain nanga parbat which is in pakistan. i figured#that the food damian had in the league might've been pakistani-based. or at least heavily pakistani in orign. maybe. i just didn't wanna#look up 'arabic desserts' and pick the first one off the list. felt inauthentic that way alsdh#translations since you wont get it through google translate:#1. 'are you nervous beloved?' 2. 'no! I am not nervous!' 3. 'I'm not everyone' 4. 'let me go brother!'#while i dont usually use 'little brother' or 'brother' as terms of endearments between siblings. Jazz canonically calls Danny that and#i figured if i worded it in a way that sounded natural. it would sound less soul-crushingly cringy. look as someone wit THREE siblings.#i know exactly how siblings interact with one another. but this felt like a special exception. they don't say it often
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PRETTY CVNT
#tw eyestrain#tw: eyestrain#eyestrain#fakeman friday#oh yeah this is for fakeman friday#idk i just love drawing fakeman having mental breakdowns#ive been meaning to do this for a while but like#idk im bad at working with eyestrain lol#rayman#captain laserhawk#fanart#digital art#captain laserhawk a blood dragon remix#clhabdr#clh fanart#clh fakeman#fakeman#rayplica#rayplacement#clabdr#netflix series#netflix#pretty cvnt#ubisoft#captain laserhawk fanart#mental breakdown#lil bro is not okay
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hehoo
#snep rambles#ive been meaning to do this for a while#also i dont actually know all of these characters i just pulled some from like. clown wiki and tvtropes#i know OF some#do i even wanna tag this#uhhh ill tag smth#dd jester#jevil deltarune#su spinel#nights into dreams#clopin trouillefou#that one guy is from super paper mario i think but i forgor his name#also i dont even know if tumblr tags still work like only first 5 tags show up in searches i dont think so#not that i care lol#wheeeee#oh yea#marx kirby#fuckit#nonbinary#bc it IS. TO ME#some of those are from one of the final fantasy games but i dont fuckign know which
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JADEITE REDOLENCE ❖ favorite chenyu vale overworld tracks
#genshin#genshinedit#genshinet#genshin impact#chenyu vale#jadeite redolence#m:gifs#m:*#m:gifs:scenery#m:top#ive been wanting to do this kind of thing for a while for several albums actually but jadeite redolence is the one where i RAN to do it lol#(overworld albums i mean)#if i find the motivation i might do it for a couple other albums this was fun :> maybe once im funemployed ajfldkjads (iykyk)#originally there were only gonna be 9 but then there were 2 i absolutely couldn't bear to leave out so i added 3 more#and that includes me trying to avoid repeating leitmotifs/areas and also avoiding any non-overworld tracks#but anyways it was fun running around looking for shots to gif. chenyu vale in general is just so pretty#im so happy with the goat shot bc i wasn't trying to get the goat it just happened to walk into frame PERFECTLY#the yilong wharf one (through clouds and rivers) is the only one where the song doesn't actually play where that's recorded#but like. if your giffing yilong wharf it HAS to be that shot its literally the album cover LMAO#this coloring is also kind of out of my comfort zone but i think i like it.... i slept on it and didn't wake up regretting it so adsjklasdf
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clarazz are so strong if i was (vaguely in love with and) slightly possessive of my best friend and the whole world was obsessed with him (like i was) id crash out 😭
#m!ik#ameri chima vine shiida mephisto? whos next henri?#not to mention eiko purson and lied 😭 (who really i mention specifically bc they apparently kin him which is soo funny. also they make up#boku trio together! though if we were making a list list im not sure id add em a tier above any other misfit…)#not all romantic obsession to be perfectly clear^^ but they all wanna stand by irumas side the same 😳#ameri and chima who want to stand by iruma romantically and academically/socially/powerwise…#vine and eiko too but theyre like. gag characters ik we’re a comedy series but everything surronding these two is a bit so im#putting them in the same adjecent group of side characters who are crushing#shiida who wants to be his family#mephisto who wants to be his righthand man/royal advisor/wants to make him king#(again misfits in general but lied and purson i single out bc. boku trio / young king duo / music duo u get it#id group bachiko opera balam and maybe even kalego with these other guys but… mmm#mmm bachiko certainly loves her student and opera/balam/kalego are all protective over iruma in their own ways id argue that when u compare#operas his family. bachiko is his master#kalego and balam are his teachers and his familiar/the first person he told his secret to#theyre all (seemingly) satisfied with their closeness with iruma/comfortable with their relationship as it is. theyre secure#the list above are all sorta Longing for something more#they want to be important to iruma#theyre not satisfied! they want more! and the story specifically centers around this idea for an arc or two or many#which btw i love i think iruma deserves having so many people who want to be close to him and who admire him#omg i forgot kirio HELLO…. hes…a little differently obsessed.#lets group him by himself but near the ameri/chima and eiko/vine section if u know what i mean#(note: its been a while since ive read chapters with shiida in em but from memory i do think she sees iruma as a little brother-#which is such a specific bond to long for; i think she wants to be someone he trusts first#followed by someone who can protect him followed by someone who he can learn from)#demons are selfish; i think its really sweet that theyre all pretty respectful of how iruma chooses to spend his time esp for being demons#cuz guess what! irumas selfish too. a true demon. he wants more and more and thats kinda what its all about#tldr everyone wants to stand next to iruma; clarazz (who stand next to him as his soulmates) have feelings about it lol#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun
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I was pouring a promised libation out to Hermes, Apollo, Aphrodite, and Dionysus this afternoon (I'd asked them for help with a personal matter involving a sibling) and as I was looking up at the sky talking about the situation I saw three hawks start to circle something a little ways in the distance. Hawks aren't exactly uncommon here but it had been a while since I'd seen any, let alone three at once, so it caught my attention.
And while I was trying to figure out what type of bird they were (not an eagle, too short a neck to be a vulture, etc) one of them swooped down into a neighbor's backyard and back up along the tree in my backyard, close enough that, if a branch weren't in the way, I would have been able to see its feather markings. While hawks were somewhat usual, experiencing that certainly was not. So, of course, when I got inside I looked up if any Greek gods are associated with hawks.
And, of course, Apollo is.
I've been thinking a lot about the difference between "this is just a Thing That Happens" and a sign so it was nice to see a direct example of how something differs when it's coming from a god.
#to be clear: i confirmed both today's instance and the last one (the sun coming out from behind a cloud directly after pouring a libation)#via divination. im checking my work#i said i needed direct & outside (aka not from within my own head) communication and apollo went 'on it'#i appreciate it. he's been the most communicative so far but hermes has too#got another whopper of a tarot pull during today's check-in after asking hermes for help w/ communicating like i did last time#they've been pretty intertwined so far. ive been focusing a lot on getting my etsy up & running though so it makes sense as an intersection#of their domains#aphrodite and hestia have been a bit more subtle so far but still there#also: im not trying to do augury here. not touching that w/ a ten foot pole it's scary & im still trying to wrap my head around when to use#the alphabet oracle im not ready for that level of complicated. i just took the type of bird & the fact that it's behavior i havent#seen before. and when i say it swooped over my backyard i mean it was *directly* over my head. it was wild#i wouldnt have gone to 'hm this may be an acknowledgement/sign' if it were just the hawks circling over head#i also appreciate that hermes hasnt tried to fuck with me yet. trying to parse that while im still getting my pagan sea legs would be#a nightmare and may have just put me off paganism entirely. i was drawn to hellenic paganism *because* there wasnt a constant warning about#potential tricksters looming overhead#coriander says#hellenic pagan#helpol#hellenic polytheism#apollo#hellenic community#theoi#pagans of tumblr#paganism#hellenic gods#ill remember all the associated symbols/animals/plants eventually#lowkey thinking of making flashcards lol. could be fun
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one direction in st. louis (1/?)
#harry styles#stylesedits#stylesnews#hlcreators#1dsource#tracksintheam#ive been meaning to gif wwa for a while now soooo here you go lol#he had like 3 different shirts the whole night#thank you hannah julius for the amazing concert footage can we pls go back to like 4k concert footage which i know is easier said than done#anywaysss im going to do louis next sooo#hazza#.gifs#my edit#st.louis wwa
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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head#hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got#blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well#these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol#hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!!#its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed#u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell#hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best#if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand#I'll be normal now I prommy (lying)#well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again#eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife#hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart#have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative
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day 1186
#amphibiuary2023#amphibian#frog#blender#grease pencil#gif#moving#animated#described in alt text#i got inspired to finally pick blender back up!! ive been meaning to for a while so i can do personal 3d stuff again#first time trying grease pencil it feels really good#industry compatible hotkey settings my beloved <33 finally i dont have to reprogram my brain completely#honest to god maybe the longest animation ive ever made#2d or 3d#i am not an animator lol
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and now for something stupid
#but really i also just wanted to play around w this sort of coloring style bc its been FOREVER since ive used it#and i think i can make it look better now#AND i think i can make more sillay stuff like this and not have it take as long w cleaning up lines#anyway now you all understand the terrible dynamic between these three#phobo's infodump text is just copypasted from the wikipedia page for knives.#julliet ALSO uses knives is the thing so hes actually mansplaining < JOKE#he just wants to share. even if it gives her a headache. but he wouldnt mansplain he doesnt have it in him. hes ok with felonies tho#but julis life hasnt known peace since she was told to take care of the newbies#and shes ALSO a newbie (just slightly less so) so really this is probably just tartarus hazing her#theyd take one look at the two disorganized unserious overeager newbies and think ''you know what would be fucking hilarious''#and pass them onto the neurotic slightly-less-newbie who takes everything as seriously as possible. disaster combination.#i cannot stress enough that this is a group of bandits and murderers theyre NOT above hazing.#deimos actually is doing the best job at it since he is stealing as we speak#i mean hes not supposed to do it to his teammates but still. on the right track#as for the dynamic between deimos and phobos themselves its like. theyre just bros. theyre both pretty similar in personality#except deimos is kinda more mean and cynical while phobos can be kinda. dense and naive despite literally where hes at in life#but most of the time theyre basically beavis and butthead#i would also like to stress that juli is not being homophobic she just already cannot stand these guys and cant believe the audacity#but. complete misunderstanding. karma for stealing wallets ig#this will never be cleared up by anyone ever#but again thats not their dynamic they are just beavis and butthead. and i guess that makes juli daria LOL#finn's ocs#finn's art
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ive never talked about their dynamic but this is one of the many thoughts i have about them
#ive been having power outages all day help me#my stuff#lisa rpg#bo wyatt#lisa garth#lisa the painful#i imagine hes saying do you liiiiike it :) with a deep yet nerdy voice#ok deranged thoughts time#yes i in fact like them becuz theyre both artists#but heres the thing#theyre both STRUGGLING artists who have a very deep bond with their art which reflects who they are as people#they both also suck at it lol#yet they continue cuz their art is their life pretty much#and i like to think that having another artist buddy would feel nice for them#especially in garths case it's like dude lives pretty much under a rock feels ignored by everyone cares too much about others reactions etc#either it becomes some sorta onesided artist rivalry or he becomes obssesed with the fact that there is another guy in the team#who knows what it's like#he would be all like YOU. YOU UNDERSTAND!!! and bo is just like lol#becuz while he struggles too he doesnt make a big deal out of it doesnt care about being underappreciated#like garth who is A BIG ATTENTION SEEKER#so imagining them hanging out and having this weird artist bond is cool to me#id also include jack cuz they all make an artist team but yknow SIGHHHHH#also i have different thoughts on what does art mean for jack since hes younger#these are definitely not all of my thoughts i am insane about artist characters#and yeah it could be said gart in this post is trying to get bo's attention#through a mix of what bo likes and what garth likes and it's a funny and cute thought to me#lisa ramblings#still love this post#lisa artist team#bogarth
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metal_pipe_falling.mp4
under the cut is more doodles of arakawa in his coat(s) and sawashiro doodles cause Lol
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza series#yakuza 7#masumi arakawa#jo sawashiro#snap sketches#ive been telling myself for months to make color palette refs for these knuckleheads#and while waiting for The Time I Should Leave For Class i started doodling the arakawa sheet#and then i finished that and was like 'oh hes a bit lonely now aint he' so i went and did sawashiro#great opportunity for me to fix some colors too... ill prob revisit this thing like 90 times just to update colors down the line#its what i do with my other chara ref sheets#the art old as hell on those but i keep the colors up to date.. lol#also can i legally bully myself on this post. speaking of colors. i really forgot jo's tie is more of a pink than a red. STUPID ASS#i love makin refs like these... makea me feel like im workin on a show or somethin.. teehee..#also Dress-Up-Doll kinda vibes... teehee 2x#i prob wont post any art that actually fts sawashiro's body moles but i mean. might as well share the refs#just so its not Arakawa And His Fifty Coats And Pinkyless Hand under the cut LOL#abt arakawas coats tho im debating on mixing in which ones i draw yk.. like the scarf look will be like. early 90's#then the coat we see him with in y7 is mid-90's onward. to be cute yk. we'll see how i feel down the line we know me im fickle lol#also yeah i purposefully left the tail of sawashiro's tattoo: its just supposed to be a ref of how his tattoo is positioned#and while adjusting the tattoo i remembered an ask someone sent me bout ichis tattoo... lol..#cant believe anon didnt have to send me that reddit link we coulda just waited until this summer to see ichi's '''''full tatt''''''' HELP#STILL NOT OVER IT ok im done here. bye#an aside though for some reason arakawa's jawline feels diff compared to his 20's onward#idk if its cause of the ref image i use's lighting that makes 20's arakawa's chin more squared compared to the rounder shape he gets#mysterious.... oh well was tryin not to think too hard bout it since these arent supposed to be super detailed#just colors and whatever
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