#ive been kinda busy recently
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he's really happy / he's thrilled to be alive / his name is al yankovic in 1985 🎵
#go white boy go#i know im normally a post lasik al kinda guy but im currently in my 80s al era#been a while since i made an edit because ive been ridiculously busy#but i heard this song for the first time recently and this idea sprung into my head IMMEDIATELY#weird al#weird al yankovic#bo burnham#1985#op#video#weird al fancam#my edit
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happy (more than) 1 year to this drawing
#i owe my life to color palette websites for singlehandedly saving my love for art#was really starting to hate my current one at the time so i started thinking. i should play with colors. and go lineless maybe thatd be fun#also sorry ive been so busy lately! i recently started college and i. regret it kinda#rain world#seven red suns#rw survivor#rw rivulet#rw hunter#rw scavenger#rw artificer#rw spearmaster#digital art#artatat
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ngl because of all the warriors talk here with it inherently being activism-spirited and how the people here engage with socio-political analyses, I've been more willing to talk about my activism again both inside and outside of tumblr and actually returning to studying the theory! So that's cool! Thank God for Eisa davis!!
#i'd give you guys resources but they are all in filipino jgjdjdd#but yea because like the past months have been like. Hard. Fucking Hard.#and ive been busy with school and what not so its been a damn while#but since warriors#and of course recent political events#i kinda like feel in the spirit of things again#which is cool!#and the fact that the analyses of warriors here are actually in line with the theory i study#and that we all honor the spirit of activism and its inherently subversive amd revolutionary nature#fuck yeah!#warriors#warriors album#warriors musical#eisa davis
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color practice with the resident non sleepers <3
[id: It is two drawings of Leo and Donnie from rottmnt. In the first drawing Donnie is typing on his laptop , which has a little turtle logo on it, with one hand while Leo hugs his other arm, fast asleep against Don’s shoulder. Donnie is wearing a black hoodie, Leo is wearing a gray one and while Donnie has his mask on, Leo doesn't. The drawing has a purple background and it generally has a purple tone. The second drawing is of Donnie wearing a purple hoodie and sleeping against Leo’s shoulder with his arms crossed and head hanging low. Leo is resting his chin on Don’s forehead, looking up as if talking to someone, and one arm side hugging Donnie. He is wearing a blue pajama shirt and both of them are without their masks. This drawing has more of a blue undertone as it is drawn over a dark blue background./ end id]
#these sketches r kinda old but i wanted to color them rlly bad#i rlly like dramatic light and im nOT GOOD AR IT#practicing it is fun tho#yall ive been so busy cuz i started my first job recently#and ive just been so tired and havent had the motivation to draw#but now i do so ye!#more things soon yippee#rottmnt#rottmnt fanart#rottmnt leo#rottmnt donnie#cositos
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Having one of those weeks where I'm so busy/so consumed by so many things I'm having trouble remembering to talk to people/remembering WHEN I talked to people so posting is gonna be way way way slowed down ( other than Kid Leo update today I mean )
#like idk just#disconnected from time#like ive been so busy i look at my dms and am like ' wait did i talk to this person recently'#probably did#just#usgdhrhrh#online interactions do not feel v real rn#ngl interactions in general do not feel real#not a vent brw#not a vent#just thinking thoughts out loud cause i feel verh#oh ig also disconnecred from my body#not entirely but im kinda loke#hmmm#feeling very to the left today
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having a moment tonight made this
#any song can be vellory if you are insane enough#anyways monitoring by deco*27 and 575 by perfume are vellory songs Ill be updating my playlist shortly#i feel stupid for still caring about them so much despite them barely even interacting. like im putting myself up on display or something#like Point and laugh at this guy! he likes to play touys!#just kinda wish someone was on the same level of passionate abt them as me lol??? idk#but whatever . i got people to consider them and thats cool#sorry for posting once in a blue moon again ive been busy recently </3 BUT HEY YIIK I.V DECEMBER 2ND ILL DEF BE BACK SOON!!!!!!!#text tag
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mental illness
#i think. uhm i think and this isn’t good#but i think my recent lows are like. affecting everything including my ocs#a ‘nobody will ever be able to love me’ is also turning into a#‘nobody will ever be able to love my characters’ kinda thing#i have this thing where i just randomly decide nobody likes me out of nowhere and just disappear because i think it’s ‘for the better’#which obviously. this is not true. i know it’s not. but it’s still a thing that just happens sometimes#especially lately my emotions have been all over the place. there’s just a lot of loneliness but then i let myself be lonely because#some part of me still thinks i deserve it#not good! it’s not guys it’s not sooo good#granted ive had a busy last week so naturally i didn’t get to interact with my friends a lot#i forgor where i was going with this#anyways recent worries of me being unlovable have transferred to my ocs#i don’t think they have what it takes to be loved just like i don’t have what it takes to beloved#like father like child kinda thing#oh well it’ll get better some time i’m sure!#i’m confident that this will pass but for now i’ll just have to live through it. which is fine!#dios wisdom#vent#rant#i suppose
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i love you nature! i love you creeks! i love you little feild mice! i love you coyotes! i love you deer! i love you snakes and frogs and fish! i love you bugs! i love you bones! i love you sunsets! i love you sunrises! i love you grasses and trees and flowers!! i love you mushrooms and moss and worms!! i love you dirt!! i love you mud!! i love you sticks!!! i love you rocks!!! i love you i love you i love you!!!!!!
#i went geocaching for the first time in a while today#i got to frolick :)#this one day improved my recent mental health so much man#been in kind of a rut bc ive been so insanely busy#color guard competition season babyyy#and we had five weeks straight of competitions every weekend#today was the one sunday i had free that i havent had a competition or worked#so two of my friends picked me up and we went caching :D#we found like 7 today it was great#and it was so nice out#cuz for the past 2 days we had a sudden cold front hit where it was like 20 and snowing#and it was in the upper 50s today#my ideal weather really#and it like smelled kinda damp but like fresh#so nice#i love nature so much#i love being outside#i love existing#i love the changing of the seasons especially winter to spring#take that seasonal depression#tipytalks
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one day ill be annoying ab my selfship again . although i enjoy that ppl enjoy my writing most of this is entirely self indulgent, projection, and for me . being so real .
#wispy chatters#i will never write inbox requests ever again ( /j... but only maybe executive dysfunction hits. )#( i dont know what to rlly write or hc w steven anymore and im in that weird kind of clingy to my interp era where like.#nobody seems to characterize steven right and i feel like im the only one but i dont wanna be a dick but most of its self indulgent so#ill keep it to myself. )#also bc i think i like. already put out all of the imporant steven hcs anyways LOL#ALSO also because ive been busy writing and rping selfship stuff w my friend involving steven instead of writing proper. which#preferable. this was mostly a side hobby to explode all of my hcs onto while i was struggling mentally#and had jack shit else to do.#sorry that i ramble a lot. no im not. this is my fucking blog . But yea#ive also been kind of negative or like. able to be interpreted as negative recently. which. yea kind of#lot of things and interpretations i do not fucking like in this fandom esp ab steven i just keep it to myself.#i just dont like fandom in general esp fanon and steven is such a fanonized character. which. yea he doesnt have much to work with#but hes got enough. idk#life goes on and all . maybe ill make a selfship blog... ill probably snag the url and then never use it.#im talking like im quitting the blog . i do that a lot. im not i just always do whatever i like even if i have 500 unanswered asks.#was easier to focus on writing any char i could in my depression era#its a little sad to see writing and hc posts and im like... i could get in on that. people totally think im a dead blog.#but idk what to add all of the main steven stuff has been squoze outta me.#not entirely but i put my full 100% steven into my self indulgent embarassing thoughts.#buuut yea thats kinda whats been. going on w me ig? Not really? fuck if i know
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Im a pent-up ball of pure stress and restlessness (like chest-tight and heart pounding type of stress) and I have 0 idea what to do with myself, because anytime I want to try and go distract myself with Something my anxiety spikes and my brain goes "!!! NO!!! DANGER!!! LOOK OUT FOR DANGER!!!" so I guess I'll just spend the day pacing the house and refreshing the same 3 pages on repeat, huh...
#personal#Raksh posts#tomorrow I'll know if I got back into uni#so that's the culprit#but I also have no way of assuaging it so fuck me I guess 😩#and depending on if I do or dont get in#its either gonna be a full on depressed crying or a crazy busy next week#plus so much has been happening all around#I finished my internship last friday#we found out our doggo is sick and we're going with her to a vet cardiologist next friday#my younger cousin Ive always been quite close with came to visit with her boyfriend and announced yesterday they got engaged#my bro today said he's planning to marry next year#Im trying not to let my crippling loneliness take me over#it's kinda a lot when all put together 🙈#I thought maybe I could finish typing up what I have of my recent vegaspete AU#its a super indulgent time travel a/b/o shifterd thingy with outsider pov - Nops in this first part#and so I could maybe have something to finally post sometime soon and motivate me to write some more#but I can't focus on that#Ive also thought of maybe gaming a bit#Id actually like to check out Cyberpunk with this new 2.0 update#but again it feels like anytime I try to occupy myself with something my brain goes into alarm mode ughhh#this stressing business is so useless and unproductive why isnt there a switch to it I could just flip and turn it off??#ughhhhh anyway#Im just venting dont mind me#hoped putting it down in some way shape or form would help but will it work? prob not 😂😪#vent#rant
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okay the only thing im eternally frustrated by as far as labels go, though, is that i feel like ill absolutely never be welcomed in aro spaces bc i still experience romantic attraction and the reasons behind me being arospec are rooted in trauma which seems to be Frowned Upon
#internet communities for arospec people r so fucking mean to folks who don't fit their perfect little labels#ive been experiencing more and more romantic attraction recently and it's isolating as hell#bc i still do consider myself to be on the arospec! it's just... complicated in ways i struggle to put into words#the more i think about it the more i realized it's probably from trauma though#late 2019 to late 2022 was spent barely surviving and i completely lost my sense of self during that time#i was too busy surviving and i just. genuinely Could Not feel romantic attraction to real people. it just stopped happening for a while#it's different now bc i can feel romantic attraction again even though it's weird and complicated#but man. it's isolating. people get mad if i call myself arospec now bc it's not like an Inherent thing about myself#it's just how my attraction has changed based on the circumstances#im kinda sick of it though#as in im sick of people being shitty. ive accepted being arospec at this point so that's not an issue lol
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grinds teeth. i am alone and dismissed
#im fine tho . i just have to work on my essay due in half an hour#but ive given up on it being on time so its kinda whatever?#but yknow. as soon as possible would be nice#and i have been left by myself which is both good and bad#and then while voicing my concerns told well maybe just work on it#wow yes i think just saying that over and over even when im just trying to make myself feel better is very helpful thank you#like i know theres nothing you can do specifically like im not expecting anything from you#but thanks for just continuously ignoring me and repeating the same thing thats really fucking helping#in fact thats for ignoring me for like the past couple of weeks#whenever i try to reach out just because i miss my friends and like talking to them im just ignored#and i get it we were all stressed and busy#but would it kill anyone to try? at all?#when someone has an issue im there instantly no matter whats going on with me#like when i sat on a call for hours instead of the work i was planning on doing#but esp recently that same decency is not extended to me even if i just want to talk about something just silly or whatever#so no this isnt about your fucking sucky work ethic or whatever this is about being a goddamn friend#but its fine#ill see you this summer i guess#npc don’t look#<- not abt him#tbey.quote
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Drew a character I saw in a dream the other day, I might draw more idk. His name is Sardaka and he is cool 👍
#my art#oc art#my ocs#uhhhh yeah#ive actually been kinda busy with art but i havent posted jack shit recently lol
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i need to start going to therapy to learn how to talk to people about things and the develop better support systems for myself bc i only talk to like 2.7 ppl bc idk how to talk to anyone and this is ridiculous
#its 2.7 bc i talk to 1 friend who i mostly talk to to distract myself and to experiment differently communication styles. and uh. recently#ive been frustrated with her bc she's very narrow minded abt anything i say abt my own life and abt the feedback i give her as domeone who#has been in a similar situation and got thru it. and its not like its unsolicited. i ask if she wants advice and she will say yes and then#its like 'y does it feel like you are attacking me' like bestie I'm saying this in the least judgemental way bc ive been there. you are#assigning judgement bc u feel bad abt urself. not me! and i cant and wont take responsibility for that.#and then like. kinda my mom but then she cuts me off a lot and basically just kinda says to do whatever makes money like. i tried that and#now im stuck 5 years in at a job i hate that barely pays bc i didn't take a targeted path#and like. my a dif friend i can engage with but she's always busy (nit her fault. i get it. shes got her stuff) so we talk for a total of#15 minutes while shes at a drive thru and nit really listening. which i again. totally get. But. fuck#yea i just want to go to therapy to have adedicated amt of time to talk my shut and like. get some neutral feedback
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#personal#sent off a large portion of my thesis for review yesterday#and like im just filled with anxiety today#i hate sending work for review#it feels like giving someone permission to emotionally devistate me in 3 to 5 business days#and like ive tried very hard with this but ive never got a good grasp on evaluating the quality of my writing#which makes things hard#like i think the work is good and i know its comprehensive#but however whatever comments i get back will make my brain tell me i did a bad job yannow?#anyway all this goblin wants is to go to an lgs and get models and cardboard and hide but no can do#like ive been working a lot of late nights and weekends on this stuff recently and im just kinda exhausted#anyway please ignore me i just wanted to whine into the void
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i finished writing a 900 word eulogy for an english assignment and it was for an oc ive been fixating on the past week very superb
#i definitely exceeded the 3 paragraphs needed though i hope maam forgives me#but i need to explain the background and context of the whole thing-#it was a eulogy from the perspective of the recently departed's best friend#and there's kinda a more than friends less than lovers kind of tone but not in a bad way but like#queerplatonically#bc im aromantic and have the need to project the my feelings for you are completely platonic#but i deeply care for you and feel deep emotions but theyre not romantic in nature#that kinda feelings#then again i never experienced a qpr relationship so dafsvbfsgfbd#i had to change to oc's name to somthng else though bc it was a mouthful for me to say over and over again#and change the pronouns from he/him to she/her#bc my classmates think im a cis female and if i say he/him they're immediately gonna assume the eulogy's romantic in nature#and the thought of being teased for a boy with them thinking im a girl feels so weird and uncomfortable for me#its much more manageable if i change the ocs pronouns instead bc they can assume that its a deep friendship or that its wlw#anyway thats it#tl;dr ive been busy with school and i wrote a eulogy for an oc#bye#mis-csoi-llaneous
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