#ive always said that if i ever get really sick i would just sit down and watch GT all day

[dballzposting]

just asking for future reference so i don't spoil anything on accident- how far are you into GT? the last thing you posted was about the tail end of the Baby arc

I'm rewatching the whole thing for the 2nd time in 4 months and we're on to my favourite 4 episode stretch in the shadow dragon arc lol

also also there's a character who only shows up in 1 episode that i LOVE but again. it's shadow dragon spoilers and honestly it's something I'd rather not spoil bc of how genuinely good the arc is

I'm a little ways into the shadow dragon arch (like, 5 balls in). I think it sucks. <- waiting for Goten to come back.

I think I only have like 10 episodes left which is so fucked up becasue Vegeta hasnt gone SSJ4 yet ... they wait until the very end to show the main gimmick ... IT OKKK becasue I domt care about SSJ4 at all. But I DO care that Vegeta retains his shiny pants when in that form. Just put some pearls on him and he'd be "LoveCop" by Royal Republic (<- They do powerdisco now.)

I wouldnt worry about spoilers becasue I've been trying to watch GT for two goddamn years and if I cant get theough 64 episodes in two goddamn years then that's on me. Cant expect the world to wait forever 💖

[ohtobeleah]

Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Four: [Parental Guidance]

Summary: Jakes Mother simply cannot understand what he saw in you, your mother simply cannot comprehend why you left Jake.

Warnings: Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil. Overbearing mothers.

Word Count: 4:1k

Author Note: Mothers…Especially boy mothers can just be the worst when they’re in LOVE with their sons.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

November 1st 

Bradley Bradshaw never thought he would be the person Jake Seresin called when he was in a situation and needed help, but here he was. Sitting in his Bronco outside the house of a woman he didn't know in the early hours of the morning watching Jake stumble down the small overgrown cobblestone path. The Halloween costume Rooster had seen Jake in early that night was long forgotten as the fighter pilot wore nothing but a pair of boxer briefs with his wallet and keys in the palms of his hands. 

Immediately as soon as Jake sat in the passenger's seat of Bradleys pride and joy, he could smell the liquor trying to expel itself from Jake pores. 

“You smell like a distillery and we have a HOP at 8am.” There was a very evident disdain for Jake's current state in Roosters' tone, Jake wasn’t drunk enough to miss that. “Why are you calling me in the middle of the night to pick you up anyway? What did you do this time to warrant getting kicked out?” Jake didn't respond right away as he kept his eyes staring blankly out the window, the two had only just recently been given new orders to remain in North Island permanently. But when he did speak up, Bradley's heart ached. 

“I accidentally said my wifes name while uh–yeah.” Jake didn't think he needed to explicitly tell his wingman that, during one of the first and what Jake would consider the last one night stand he’d engaged in during your separation, he’d called out your name. “Vanessa didn't really like that.” 

“Yeah, no shit.” Bradley agreed as he drove down the street. “That's rough dude.” Bradley knew of yours and Jake's separation, Jake had told him one night at the Hard Deck after he’d asked how the family was. The two hadn’t always been on good terms but Rooster liked to think you and him were close enough to send Christmas cards to. When Jake had told him you’d left? Bradley didn’t reach out—he assumed it was for the best all things considered. 

“Yeah—but you know what’s rougher?” Jake sighed as he let his head fall back against the headrest. 

“What’s that?” 

“Knowing your wife won’t ever believe you’ll change.” Bradley knew without even looking at Jake that between the mix of alcohol and his desire to win you back that the naval aviator sitting with slumped shoulders beside him was holding back tears. “And proving her right by sleeping with some badge bunny who looked an awful lot like her.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Your home had never been so quiet with all three of your children gone. You stood in the foyer of the entryway just looking around at the mess that had been left behind. Forgotten toys yet to be put away, discarded shoes, dirty plates and cups. Pine needles that fallen from the faux Christmas tree that was essentially hanging on by its last thread. The reminisce of three young children that were allowed to be children inside the safety of their own home. 

As you wiped away the tears that you had let fall freely down from your puffy eyes, you made an effort to tidy up the house you’d be leaving in only a few short hours to leave for the hospital stay you had planned. Tiny shoes with no feet to fill, toys left unattended over the holidays simply to be replaced by newer shiner ones. 

Between now and new years while Jake had the kids in Texas your treatment plan would increase tenfold. You were scheduled for aggressive rounds of IV chemotherapy that you knew you’d have to stay in hospital for to go through, your body was barely tolerating the oral medication as it was. You were scheduled for a double mastectomy in your time at the hospital which would hopefully stop any cancerous cells from spreading to more lymph nodes and areas of your body that remained untouched. Did you have high hopes? Not particularly. But you were ready and willing to do just about anything the oncologist assigned to your particular case had recommended. 

It was going to be a rough stint, but hopefully by the time Jake returned with your children, you’d still be able to mask your diagnosis. How you were going to explain the symptoms like hair loss and suddenly having no breast tissue to Jake was something you had yet to come up with. 

But ‘New year, New me’ was looking like the best possible explanation. Maybe the new look would get him off your case a little when it came to working on your marital issues. 

As you put things back in their rightful places and tidy up, you felt your phone ringing in your back pocket. The call ID immediately made you want to cry even more than you already had been. 

“Hi mum—“ You cooed softly as you stood alone in your empty home. “I uh, I just got home.” 

“How was Jake?” Your mother asked as she drove over to yours, you could hear the difference in her voice because of the shitty ass bluetooth system she barely knew how to work properly. “Did the kids kick up a fuss?” 

“Jake was–” You would never be able to find the right words to describe your husband, well, ex-husband. “Jake was Jake mum you know how we are right now.” Your mother knew about your diagnosis. She had been the one who urged you to see a doctor after you told her you had found a rather large lump on your left breast. “And no, actually the kids were super excited to go with their dad for the holidays, I think they still don't really understand that I'm not gonna be there at all, maybe they just think I won't be there for a day or two, but uh–yeah, they were good.” 

“And how are you feeling?” It was surprisingly a rather hard question to answer as you sat down on the lounge. For the longest time you had always put your family first, made sure all their needs were met before your own. From your kids to your husband they always came first, but now? Now you had to focus on your health and put yourself first if you had any chance of getting through the next few weeks. 

“I threw up this morning–” It was your way of saying you werent travelling well at all. “After I slept with Jake–” You knew your mum would be shocked at your admission, so you closed your eyes and braced for it. The scolding, the “never sleep with an ex speech” But it never came. All that came was a sigh you couldn't tell was laced in disappointment or approval. 

“You need that man in your life darling, he's a good man, the two of you just need to work on your differences.” Your mother had always had a soft spot for Jake Seresin, for a few weeks after your initial breakup he stayed in her spare room. Jake loved your mother like his own and you knew that if you ever gave her a moment on the soap box, your mum would scream it to whoever would listen just how much you and Jake were made for one another. 

Which in your opinion was a little shitty. Jake had his own mum. You needed yours. 

“I know he's a good man mum, that's why I married him to begin with.” You sighed heavily as you laid on the lounge to ward off the dizzy spell that was threatening to throw you off balance. “But I haven't been his priority in a hell of a long time, and I owe it to myself to not go back to being a married single mother.” 

“Okay okay, well–” You knew your mum was only trying to help but it felt like the two of you had this very same conversation every time you spoke, it was like deja vu. “He won't wait around forever darling.” That fact you also knew, according to Jake himself her name was Violet or Vivian or Vanessa. Something that started with a V. Either way you knew very well that Jake wouldn’t wait around for you to take him back on his hands and knees begging. 

But at the end of the day you weren’t sure if you even wanted him to wait for you. Of course you loved Jake, with your whole heart. But right now nothing made sense to you, you were dying after all. 

“Trust me,” You rolled your eyes thinking about how Vanessa or Vicky or Veronica looked. If she looked anything like you or maybe completely different. If she had blue eyes you'd surmise that he probilby date her. “I know he won't, but he's not the priority right now, my health is.” 

“I'll be there in about an hour or two depending on traffic.” For a split second you wished it might take a little longer. Although you loved your mum dearly and appreciated everything she ever did for you, her favouritism towards your husband made your blood boil. 

“Okay, I might have a bit of a nap while I'm waiting for you, I'm feeling pretty shattered.” No word of a lie was spoken, you were exhausted to say the very least. Finally being alone and not having to be in constant caregiver mode for three young children truly had your body calling it quits. You needed sleep and so much of it. 

“I'll see you soon alright?” You mum spoke through the bluetooth that crackled and broke with the failing reception, but you heard her just barely. 

“Alright, bye mum.” You paused hesitantly as you let your eyes close “I love you.” It had been a while since you told anyone you loved them besides your kids, and for a second you wished it was Jake on the other end of the line. You did love him, probably more now than you ever had. Everything was just so messy, it wasn't fair. None of this was fair. 

“Bye Darling.” Your mum replied. “I love you too.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

“My babies!!” Janeen Seresin was in Jake's opinion, one of those women who never should have had kids, let alone four of them. Jake was the youngest of four Seresin children and the only boy. His father, Rodney, was a hard task master who no matter what Jake accomplished in his career or personal life, never seemed to be proud of the man he had become. 

“Hi Ma.” There was a pretty simple explanation for that, Jake never took a beating without getting a few punches in himself. He wasn't the kind of guy who you could beat into submission even as a teen. “Merry Christmas.” 

“Jacob oh my boy it's so good to see you.” Janeen took her youngest child in her arms in the threshold of the Sersein estate. Lavish gardens surrounded the old exposed red brick home that had been in the Seresin family for generations. Jake knew when his parents died it wasn't going to him, but to his eldest sister Julies. “Come in come in! You guys must be so tired after your flight.” 

Jake, despite being a fighter pilot who had flown some of the most suicidal missions, was a nervous flyer when he wasn’t in total control. Commercial flying wasn't something he typically enjoyed. It made him anxious at the best of times and whenever he added his children to the mix he was sure that the way his heart pounded inside his chest during takeoff was early signs of an underlying genetic heart condition he probably inherited from his father. 

“The kids are definitely a little tired, I think Sam's ears haven't really pooped either.” Jake cooed as he and his kids entered the house Jake grew up in, the overly eccentric, far too big, the annoyingly in your face house he knew you always hated. It always seemed to exemplify the two worlds you and Jake grew up in as children. 

“Grandma!” Lucy interrupted. “Mum said that Santa will know exactly where we are if we put out cookies and milk for him and carrots for his reindeer like we do at home.” Janeen chuckled at her granddaughter as Jake placed Sam on the ground to walk off with his brother to explore the mansion style home that was far bigger than the one they were used to. 

“Your mother would still have you doing those silly little things wouldn't she?” Jake bit his tongue as he watched his mother soothe a hand over his daughter's head. “Of course we can put out cookies and milk, but if I get ants you better be ready to clean them up little miss.” Lucy simply smiled and nodded in response, the dig had gone right over her six year old head. 

“God Ma you'd think you never had kids of your own before.” Jake argued in an attempt to remind his mum that his kids were only young. The magic of Christmas was important to you and him. “I'm sure Santa won't leave cookie crumbs all over the house.”  

“Santa isn't who I’m worried about making a mess–” Janeen tried to say the loud things quiet while around Jake's children, but the intent in her words was still as loud and as obnoxious as ever. “How is your mother Lulu? I’m sorry she won’t be joining us for Christmas and new years.” 

“She’s been sick the past few weeks.” Jake frowned at his mothers smile, she left little to the imagination about her opinion of you. “But she’s better now.” Jake wasn't so sure of the statement his daughter made, the way you were only on your knees this morning throwing up into the toilet bowl made him frown in response. Jake had this gut feeling he couldn’t get rid of it no matter how hard he tried not to think about it. Was something wrong with you? Like, more than just a long winded flu? Who even gets the flu for three weeks these days? 

“Oh I’m sure she is dear, right before her big trip away hey?” Ever since you and Jake separated, Janeen Seresin had been pushing for Jake to file for divorce and full custody. No one got to leave her perfect angel boy. In her eyes Jake could do no wrong, he was her angel, her precious baby boy that no woman could ever be good enough for. 

“Yeah! She’s going to the snow with a bunch of her friends Grandma.” Lucy replied, she didn’t understand her grandmother’s resentments just yet. That or it went right over the little girl's head, either way Jake was thankful for her innocence. 

“Oh I know your dads told me all about your mothers grand plans.” Janeen rolled her eyes pretty heavily at the idea you were off whoring yourself out on a ski trip out of the country while her son was tasked with looking after the three children you had with him. 

“Ma, drop it will you?” Jake urged. “She’s allowed to go away for the holidays, she’s pretty much had the kids all year.”

“And why is that?” Janeen retaliated as little Lucy walked off to find her brothers. Jake followed his mother into the dining room where festive decorations dressed the dining table. Perfectly set and prepared. A stark contrast to your old chipped four seater dining table that had soggy cheerios spilled on the top just this morning. Jake much preferred the cheerio-covered table to his mothers perfectly decorated one. 

Fuck, Jake thought to himself the more he looked around. His kids were about to mess this place up. He knew deep down that would bring you a little solace. You knew Janeen was sour on you. The idea of the kids making her life just a little more chaotic would normally make you chuckle.

“Because I live and work in North Island now, I don’t have the proper work schedule to take three kids on by myself.” That was the appropriate and only answer, but Jake knew his mother saw it differently. “I don't have to means to look after them myself–Y/n does, we both agreed on that when he split.” 

“She’s keeping those kids away from you sweetheart.” Jake couldn’t have rolled his eyes harder if he tried, he’d been home for all of what? five minutes and already his mum was disrespecting you. “You don’t see those kids nearly as much as you should and it’s her—“

“Don’t you think that’s more on me then it is on her?” Jake argued back. “Come on ma you know exactly why we separated, I wasn’t putting in what she was giving and it damn near killed her. The last thing she needs is a custody battle.” 

“What you ever saw in that woman I’ll never understand sweetheart.” Janeen cooed as she reached up to touch her son's cheek. “I always knew she was never good enough for my baby boy.” 

Jake wanted to argue, he really did, but it was Christmas and his entire family would soon be filling the Seresin estate. So Jake pressed his lips together and leaned in to press a kiss to the top of his mothers head. He didn’t want to ruin yet another family holiday. He didn’t want to be dubbed the family disappointment because of his separation. Although he knew that's exactly what he was. 

He just wanted to be loved. And at this point Jake was gonna take that love whenever the hell he could get it from. 

***~***~***~***~***~***~**

“Y/n–” At first you didn't respond, but as your mother shook you as you slept on the lounge and called your name a few more times, you finally woke up. “Y/n, babe jesus have you been asleep since we got off the phone.?” It took you a moment to come back into your body as you wiped the dry drool that had leaked from your mouth onto your cheek. The discombobulation was clearly evident to your mother as she stepped back a little to give you some space. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” You mumbled as you sat up. “I'm just really–” The all too familiar feeling of bile rising came hard and came quickly. “Oh god mum, get me a bucket!” The look of panic written in the tired lines on your face was enough for your mum to realise what was going on. 

“Oh shit hang on.” Your mother hurried into the laundry nearby and searched high and low for something you could use, but you decided soon thereafter that it was quicker if you booked it into the kitchen and puke right into the kitchen sink. “Y/n! Oh god are you alright darling?” 

For a single mother of two children, yourself and your older brother Carson, your mother did alright for the hand she was dealt. On the younger side, your mother always seemed a little ‘Childish’ in her nature and mannerisms. But she was your mum and you wouldn’t change her for anything. 

“I'm fine–I just–” You couldn't keep anything down to save your life right now, so when your body wanted to expel any form of bile it was just stomach acid and remnants of whatever you had most recently eaten. Your mother did her best to comfort you as you coughed and splatted your gagged in the kitchen sink for dear life, she could tell your body was weaker than it ever had been just from the way you trembled under her touch. 

It broke her heart to see you like this, so sick and fragile. You did well to hide it though, for what it was worth she thought you looked relatively healthy still. But it was still early on in your journey. 

“I'm so scared mum.” You cried out through gags as you stayed bent over the sink coughing and crying. This wasn’t fair, you had a family to think of, kids to watch grow, a husband to hopefully fall in love with all over again. How could whatever god was up there do this to you? Why did this happen? Why you? What had you done so wrong to deserve this untimely fate?

“It's okay I've got you baby.” Your mother cooed as she rubbed circles into your back with her open palm. “Im here, I’ve got you now, let's get you ready to go up to the hospital hey, you wanna take a shower or?” 

“Let me just brush my teeth–” You sighed as you spat into the sink to clear your throat. “I should ring Jake, make sure they got in safe.” 

“I'm sure they’re just fine, he’d call if there was a problem, let's just focus on you for once.” You didn't want to feel like you were neglecting your children but you already felt like you were. They were your entire world, putting yourself first just wasn't in your nature. But as you thought about calling, thought about just sending a text, you looked at your phone to see a missed call from Jake about twenty minutes prior and a few text to follow. 

:Lover: “Kids and I are here safe, ma’s on her fuck the ex campain already and dads nowhere to be seen.” 

:Lover: “Hope you're enjoying your kid free afternoon, safe flight tonight, text me when you get into Calgary.” 

You couldn't help but to smile as you pocketed your phone, you'd call Jake later once you were settled into your hospital room. Right now you just needed to finish packing, brush your teeth and get over to the hospital for your admission time. 

“He loves you so much.” Your mother reminded you as she followed you up to your room to help you finish packing. 

“I know he does.” You really weren't in the mood to be discussing the state of your marriage right now. “He deserves better, someone not riddled with cancer cells.” 

“Is that why you won't even consider the idea of getting back together?” Your mother was nearly flawed when you silently nodded in return. “Y/n, don't you dare–” Again, you didn't want to talk about it. Between Jake's mother not being your number one stan and your mother playing devil's advocate what seemed to be twenty four seven, you were just over everyone having an opinion. 

“Mum! He didn't care about me enough when I was healthy and happy and his wife! What makes you think he’ll care now that I’m literally dying!” You shouted as you threw a pair of extra soaks into your luggage bag. “It's not fair, none of this is, but I left him well before I got sick and me getting sick doesn't change the reason I left.” 

Your mother didn’t respond, all she did was stare at you worryingly from across your bedroom room in silence. It looked as if she was trying to figure something out, read your face, understand what was going on. Then, after a few short moments of silence she spoke. 

“Your father and I went through something very similar before he died.” Your parents had been divorced for three years before your dad died in an awfully unexpected car accident. It shattered your mum, you knew it did. “We never did get to a point where we could resolve our differences.” She explained softly as she walked over to help you pack the last few items. You let her help you fold some T-shirts, Jake's old T-shirts, as she spoke. “This past year watching you and Jake go around in circles about how much you both still love each other and how desperately he's willing to change in order to keep you is so infuriating because you, my baby girl, have already decided you're not worth loving because you’re unfortunately going through something I can't even begin to comprehend.” 

“He couldn't love me before mum.” You simply sighed in defeat, god it was like you were going around and around on a ferris wheel. “What makes you think this changes anything?” 

“That man has never stopped loving you Y/n, he just got a little lost, we all do.” 

“If you had a chance would you take dad back?” It was a question you'd never asked before purely because you were afraid the answer would be no. now? As you tried to navigate the best thing to do for yourself, you desperately hoped the answer would be yes. Perhaps then you wouldn't feel so torn about hating to love Jake Seresin and his ability to captivate your entire being. 

“Without a shadow of a doubt my dear.” You’d never seen your mother have to hold back tears so hard before in your life. She was watching her only daughter go through a battle she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy as well as trying to help you through your separation. Although sometimes unwarranted and unsolicited, she was still your mother. 

“Without a shadow of a doubt.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~**

Tags: @blindedbythelightt @starset21 @tayl0rhuynh @mamachasesmayhem @marvelogic @itsmytimetoodream @maverick-wingman @kodzukenmaaa @eternalsams @seitmai @nota-professional l @jessicab1991 91 @hardballoonlove @senawashere @lafrone @fanficfandomlove ve @withahappyrefrain @dizzybee03 @maisie-rebloging-blog @goldenseresinretriever @a-reader-and-a-writer @sunlightmurdock @shelbycillian @memoriesat30 @accioprocrastination @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer @athenabarnes

[awsugar]

And I forgot about the DRUMS!!! I think this is an album they may have been working on for years. I think they are going for a magnum opus

yea so i read this went you sent it at 6am cause ive been out of work sick for a few days now and my sleep is allll messed up. and i tinhatted EXTREMELY close to the sun on this one. but i kind of think im cooking. so let me explain.

also ill just say i think because we know somethings coming but we dont know what BUT we know there are threads throughout somehow connecting things from years prior like. all tinhatting is plausible until proven otherwise. if we want to draw a connection between two things we CAN. and i think thats why im so on board with mcr5 now when i havent been since 2019. bc ive done this before. i was in the trenches for the danger days rollout/promo and the transmissions on the website and everything and THAT was one of the most exciting times of my life and THIS reminds me of that. im glad people never gave up on mcr5 but they never gave me ENOUGH before now to really run with. and now they have and its a free for all. THIS is what being an mcr fan is about. tbh. this is what this fandom has been missing for AGES. when they dont give us teasers and lore and crpytic messages we devolve into like theorizing and arguing with each other about who they are as people. but this is the basis of mcr community to me....getting together with your pals inside your phone and inside your laptop (who now have grown ito irl friends for so many of us) and dissecting every shred of info they give us. thank god for my chemical romance.

ANYWAY sorry that. went down a path i didnt intend when i started. so yes um so what you said about them going for a magnum opus. let me tell you a little story. when i was in my first year of being a my chem fan, i was 13, i became QUICKLY obsessed, first with the black parade and then after i spent i think 2 months straight listening to nothing but the black parade on repeat all day every day (literally) i ventured into their other stuff and got like really sucked in to everything else, reading articles and interviews and watching every video of them youtube had to offer and talking about them 24/7 on the forums instead of doing homework, i would sneak the family laptop into my room at night so i could keep reading about them and talking about them instead of having to go to sleep it was THE most exhilarating and exciting time of my life. anyway. i remember (16 years later) reading a specific review of the black parade that said something like "my chemical romance will never top this album and they know it" and i STILL REMEMBER sitting on the couch and crying over it. because i had never listened to music that had made such an impact on me as the black parade IN MY LIFE. nothing had ever made me feel that way and that strongly as listening to that album. you know how we all always say we wish we could listen to my chem for the first time again just to have that feeling again. that was me. i had never experienced an album of their when it came out and i felt like the author of the article was telling me that i would basically never acheive that high again. it was devastating. i promise this is relevant. bc regardless of your PERSONAL FAVORITE my chem album, it is generally agreed upon that the black parade is their magnum opus. it just is. both in scale and musically and its impact on pop culture and its the best known to a general audience.

so you say they're going for a magnum opus. when the black parade is DEAD. they killed it. (in the new lore they were sent to the MOAT which i assume is some kind of exile and stripping of their status as the national band)

and so i started thinking about "in the face of extermination say FUCK YOU" and i think this applies here two-fold actually. MAYBE 3-fold. on one hand, in-universe. extermination being the concrete age, the dictator holding the people down and exterminating their livelihood. but also the extermination of the black parade! and then - irl - we have the extermination of mcr's chances of doing something huge again like this. music publications resigning them as soon as the album came out to never achieving something as epic and grand as that again.

and the FUCK YOU being, the opposition of the dictator from the people, the black parade being reinstated but? maybe they have plans to overthrow the dictator? IRL mcr saying fuck you, we can actually use the concept that you said was the best we would ever do, completely turn it on its head, and make something even more grandiose and epic and MAGNUM OPUS.

and also hail just reminded me obv of the UNKILLABLES drumhead in sydney. which both relates to franks personal experience there but also like. with this concept of in the face of extermination say fuck you. along with his end of tour post being a cockroach, notoriously unkillable! notoriously a target for extermination!!!!

god theres so many layers to this but i needed to get it off my chest do you still like me

[billluver0124]

"you think im gonna stop?"

synopsis: bill whos worried sick finds y/n in an alleyway, on yet another bender. bill tries to help her change her ways, but will y/n ever really stop drinking? WARNINGS: heavy alcohol use, cursing, angst themes

No one really knows how it started to bloom, but y/n had a very unhealthy drinking habit. you could always spot her with an alcoholic drink in her hand, almost as if she was a magnet for alcohol. Everytime she drank she would go on a bender that would last days, weeks, one time it was a month. she had to be hospitalized that time. but even after that, she never stopped drinking. normally after people got tired of her behavior they would leave her life, but bill was different, he always stayed and took care of her.

Y/n and bill have known each other since middle school, she defended him a lot when it came to the bullying he went through in school. he was always grateful for that. them two as a duo were inseparable, stuck together like glue. it pained him to see her like this now, especially since this was a very close friend of his. Y/n was now on yet another bender, but this time it was different. normally you would catch her at a nearby bar or outside of it if the staff kicked her out. but she wasnt there. bill drove around to every bar she was a regular at, and she was nowhere to be found. where could she possibly have gone? bill thought to himself as he was growing more worried by the second. he searched all over town, for sure knowing that she couldnt have gone that far. but its been three days, anything is possible at this point.

Just as he was about to call it a night, he finds her asleep in a nearby alleyway. her clothes torn and her shirt barely on her torso. but luckily she had a carhartt jacket to keep her warm. her skin was so pale, her eye bags were so dark and she reeked of whiskey, and conveniently enough there was an empty bottle of jack daniels in her hand. she looked terrible.

"y/n get up.." bill shakes her awake, she wakes up confused. "where am i?" bill doesnt answer her, he helps her up and takes her to his car. helping her into the passenger seat and hopping in the driver's seat, continuing the drive home. As they were driving, y/n spots a bar. "can you stop at the bar? i wanna go get a drink please" the effects of the alcohol from yesterday havent even faded yet, how could she possibly want another drink? "absolutely not." bill said, his tone serious. "awh c'mon billy.." she whined drunkenly, "youre not even sober right now" "im sober enough to want another drink" y/n rolled her eyes, digging into her pocket to find three mini shot bottles in there. she smiled as she opens one and downs the entire shot. bill looking over and noticing "are you serious y/n?" bill snatches the other two bottles, throwing them out of his car side window. "what the hell bill?! i was gonna drink those!" she yelled, slurring every word "thats exactly why i threw them" he replied.

they finally reached his house, bill gets out to go help y/n inside. they get inside, bill taking her shoes off and hanging her jacket. he takes her to his couch and sits her down, sitting on the coffee table right in front of her. "we need to talk" he says, y/n not even replying. she just glared at him as he continued speaking. "im worried about you, you cant just go on these crazy benders because you feel like it y/n" he speaks, holding her hands in his to try and get her to listen. "im a grown ass woman bill, im fucking 27 years old. if i want a drink i can drink." she said bluntly, her tone was calm but she sounded like she wanted to yell at him. "this isnt just a drink y/n, this is unhealthy!" bill snapped, getting up from where he was sitting "you can and will die from this if you keep drinking for fucks sake!" he yelled, tears prickling his eyes. y/n scoffed at him, bill takes a breath attempting to calm himself "i care about you y/n, ive been the one to take care of you everytime you go on a bender. you are my best friend, youve been with me since middle school..." bill voice begins to crack "d-dont i mean something to you..?" he asked, tears spilling out of his eyes.

"you think youre special or something?" she replied, "w-what?" he asked, clearly confused by her question. "you think im gonna stop for you? just because you chose to stay doesnt mean that im just gonna quit for you." she spoke harshly, each word felt like a shatter in bills heart.

y/n gets up from the couch "y/n-" "what? you willingly chose to stay in my life bill, you have the right to leave. i didnt beg for anyone else to stay and i wont fucking beg for you either." bill grabs her wrist "please y/n, i just want you to be okay" y/n snatches his hand from her wrist "no fuck that" she said, walking over to grab her stuff "im outta here, see you around bill" she slams the door as she left, the sound of the door triggering bills tears. he flops on the couch, face in his hands as he cried. he cared so much about y/n, he knew the words she said she didnt mean; but oh god were they so painful to hear. he didnt want to see her asleep in an alleyway again. or worse, dead in a casket. bill just wanted y/n to be like the way she used to be; smiley, bubbly, kind, beautiful. she was still beautiful but now she was also mean and vile. what happened to the y/n bill once knew? will she ever come back or is she just...gone?

authors note!! omg two stories in one night? woah crazy! anyways, i enjoyed making this one and i hope you guys enjoy it too>.< love you guys<33

[nwjn-z]

Hello~ could I request Stan knocking on reader’s window in the middle of the night sad bc Randy’s being… Randy? So they go out to Stark’s Pond and sit on the bench while he rants and they drink n stargaze n stuff?

Late night confessions — feat. Stan Marsh x reader

warning(s): yelling, drinking, swearing

author’s note: OMG ANON IM SO SORRY I DIDNT UPLOAD THIS SOONER IVE BEEN REALLY BUSY, here you go tho i know it’s late asf but i hope you like it😞

It was 2:34 am, and the quite mountain town of South Park was in a peaceful slumber, but the Marsh household was anything but quite and peaceful.

“ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS DRINK AND MOPE IN YOUR ROOM ALL DAY INSTEAD OF HELPING YOUR FAMILY!” Randy seethes to his son.

“HELPING YOU WITH YOUR STUPID FUCKING WEED FARM ISNT HELPING THE FAMILY YOU DICK!” Stan spits back.

“You know what Stan? I am so sick and tired of your shit. You don’t do jack shit all day, you never want to help out with the family business, and when you do decide to help you always fuck up. You are going to get no where in life with this kind of attitude Stanley.”

All it took to push Stan over the edge was bringing up his future. Ever since starting high school, Stan biggest anxiety was what he was going to do with his life. The fear of ending up a “waste of space” kept him up at night.

“Seriously fuck you dad.” Stan sniffles as he storms out the house, wanting to be anywhere but “home”.

Stan gets in his car and makes his way to town with only his phone and wallet. He needed comfort right now. He needed to go somewhere that was familiar, somewhere that he felt safe at.

Stark’s Pond was special to Stan. Growing up it was his favourite place to be, where he hung out with his friends, where he had his first kiss, and where he had his few good memories with his dad.

But he didn’t want to be alone right now, he wanted to be with someone he could talk to, who would understand him, who could make him forget all about his problems, who could make him feel good no matter what, he needed you.

You were up late for no particular reason. It was summer so you were off your normal schedule. You mindlessly scrolled through your phone while the rest of your family was fast asleep.

When Stan made his way to your house he began to climb up on to your balcony. When he managed to do so he couldn’t help but stare at you through the space in between your curtains.

He saw you laying on your stomach swinging your legs back and fourth and holding a pillow to rest your head on while you where preoccupied with your phone.

You where so beautiful to him. You always had been since the day you two met. He loved your hair, your eyes, the way you talked, how you were always to quite yet kind, the way you made him feel so weak. He loved it all, he couldn’t get enough of you. He wanted nothing more than to make you his.

He continued to stare, looking longingly at you with hearts in his eyes until you noticed him staring and freaked out. He saw you jump and threw your pillow at your window before you realised it was him. You cursed him under your breath while you opened the curtain to open the window for him.

“You scared the shit out of me.” You told him,

“I’m sorry I just got distracted.” he replied.

“What are you doing here, it’s almost 3 o’clock!” You said,

“I know im sorry, I just really need someone to talk to I just had a huge fight with my dad and I don’t know where else to go.” He says as his mind rushes thinking back to the fight as he tries to hold back tears.

“Hey hey it’s okay I’m sorry, we talk if you want I’m here for you.” You say sincerely.

Hearing your sweet voice speak to him so gently after being yelled at and berated makes him break his composure and hot tears stream down his face.

You immediately pull him into you and caress the back of his head as he buries his face into your neck, holding on to your waist for dear life.

After some time he reluctantly pulls away and wipes his face.

“I came over to ask if you want to go to Stark’s Pond with me.” He mutters as he tries to compose himself.

“Let me get my jacket.” Is all you say in response wasting no time getting your jacket.

“We’re gonna have to leave through my window, I don’t want to wake my parents.” You say zipping up your jacket

“Okay” he says meekly.

You both make your way out your window with Stan helping you get down. You get into Stan’s car and he begins to drive.

As you make your way to Stark’s Pond, you can’t help but stare at him while he drives. He has one hand on the bottom of the stirring wheel and the other hand on the gear shift. His hands are rough from years of sports and roughhousing outside, yet whenever you felt them they were so soft.

Your daydreaming was cut short when he came to a stop and you realised you weren’t at Stark’s Pond.

“I’m gonna grab drinks real quick, you want anything?” he asked

“I’ll just have whatever you are having, even though you shouldn’t be drinking.” you say in disapproval of his habit

“Yeah I know but I kinda need it right now.” he responds somewhat bashfully.

“I guess” you say.

As you sit in the car waiting for him you start to wonder why he came to you. I mean you guys are close friends but you thought that him and Kyle were closer, that he would go to his childhood best friend for things like this. Right?

You aren’t left with your thoughts for long as Stan quickly makes his way out the store and back into the car.

He gets back into the car and after a couple of seconds he starts to drive again.

The convenient store wasn’t far from Stark’s Pond so you arrived fairly quickly.

“We’re here” Stan announces

You simply reply with a hum in acknowledgment and make your way out the car with him.

You sit down and he hands you a drink before cracking open his. You two sit in silence drinking until your thoughts from sitting in the convenient store parking lot make their way back into your head.

“Hey, why did you want to hang out with me of all people?” you say still leaning your head back staring at stars

“What?” He asks, almost dumbfounded

“I mean like why not Kyle or Wendy even, they’ve known you longer and probably better than I do so I just thought you would go to one of them for something like this.” you tell him honestly

“Do you not want me to come to you?” He asks, worry written all his face and voice.

“WHAT!? NO! I mean i just thought that like, you would think I wouldn’t be any help you know?”

“Nah dude that’s bullshit, besides why would I go to my ex about my problems.” he chuckles lightheartedly

“I don’t know I thought she would get you I guess.” you say as he shakes his head “no”.

“Oh well what about Kyle then, surely he’d be your first responder or something.”

“Kyle doesn’t know shit about me at this point, anytime I try and talk to him about the things I go through he just doesn’t get it.” he responds truthfully

“We’re still best friends and all but, he just doesn’t understand why I can’t just “get over it” you know? It gets really fucking frustrating.”

You take a minute to process what he said but before you can say anything he begins to speak again,

“You aren’t like that though. You’re always so nice and never make me feel stupid or crazy for feeling the way that I do.”

His words flustered you. Only you made him feel comfortable and safe? You felt your heart clench at the thought. Without thinking you put your hand over his and finally look over at him,

“I’m glad I can be that person for you.” You say sincerely with a smile on your face

And just like that Stan just couldn’t take it anymore. You were truly the most amazing person he has ever known. You’re sweet, kind, and genuine soul made his heart swell and his face smile. He couldn’t hold back the words that left his mouth in that moment,

“I’m so in love with you.” He says with hearts basically in his eyes.

“What!?” You respond eyes wide and face flushed

“WHAT?!” he yelps, “OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT I MEAN I DID BUT NOT IF YOU DONT WANT ME TO AAAHH IM SORRY JUST FORGET I EVER SAID ANYTHI-“

“I like you too, well love.” you say honestly having waited for this moment for what felt like an eternity,

“Wait what?Really!?” Stan says, dumbfounded but simultaneously feeling his heart burst with joy

“Yeah dude” you respond with a lighthearted laugh, but before you could say anything else you felt the slight wetness of his lips on yours, relishing in the feeling you close your eyes and lean in, completely melting in his touch.

“You love me?” he asks smiling, wanting nothing more than to hear you say those three words over and over until he can’t hear anymore,

“I love you.” you say, more than happy to repeat that phrase till your voice gives out.

[shreddeddescent]

OKAY!!!!

okay. so. i want to share this for anyone who is like.... cool about this worst case scenario bullshit i keep talking about. i think im writing it kinda good or at least in a compelling way, and honestlyyyy i just wanna post shit to be like hey. im having fun with it, and i think its really interesting to see how it all turns out. i think its been fun every other time ive posted about it, you guys seem to like it, but this is the part that will come off the most weird. if you dont know, ive tagged all previous things in this timeline as #wcs (worst case scenario)

so i think yall get this is like. the fucked up timeline. but like that its the going to be okay timeline too.

to explain more about it if you dont know, lets just say like. shredder did the fucked up thing he wanted. i think ive made that clear in previous posts about this. shredders dead now. they had to deal with the consequences of what he did to them. if the implications of that squick you out its totally fine. if youre not sure what i mean, im sorry. you DO NOT need to read further. but theres nothing specific about it here, this is just alllll the result of that. the results will be made clear by the end.

they went to big mama's hotel to get help from her with said consequences. its been dealt with. theyre now just recovering, being normal kids, still going to therapy. they're coping. but big mama's help always comes with a cost, but they havent figured out what that cost was yet.

so like. its been fun to explore in writing. IF YOURE WILLING to hear me out about all the fucked up shit turning out okay, feel free to read further. even if it sounds weird. i hope everyone can just be like.... respectful.

this doesnt have to be canon to the rest of my au, but if youve enjoyed it when ive talked about it....this is a big reveal shit for that timeline. if you are cool about everything im implying so far.

if youre not, again, you dont have to read forward. this isnt mature rated or anything, its just the implications of what the characters have been through are dark.

but the characters are going to be okay. and this right here is the reason they will be.

okay? okay. please be fucking nice.

missing context would be: raph saw someone in their room the night before, but he thinks he made it up. donnie also saw what he thinks was a ghost.

they went out for breakfast, and raph saw a turtle yokai he couldnt help but chase to the elevator who said her name was jennika, but she really wouldnt look him in the eye. and then they all discussed whether shredder had another experiment done before they existed.

questioning their origins, donnie and mikey scout the pool for recon as leo and raph come back from their joint therapy session with big mama.

--

The elevator door opened and they stepped out into the pool area. It seemed to be a rooftop pool, but the elevator had felt like it was going down. The view was the highest they’d seen, and yet the air was warmer than it had been in their room. And there was no wind, unlike their room.

They looked around and spotted their brothers, Donnie was sitting on the edge of the pool with his feet in, looking at his phone, while Mikey was doing laps.

Leo grabbed Raph’s arm and the two of them wandered over.

“Hey guys.” He said. “How’s the mission going?”

Donnie looked up and looked around. “No other turtles spotted here.”

Mikey jumped out of the water with a splash. “Yeah, just old people really. I don’t think they liked us.”

“You were doing cannonballs, that's why.”

Raph wandered over to the edge of the roof, resting his hands on the railing and staring out at the city. It was so high. Higher than fathers tower was. In fact he could see Foot Tower in the distance, dwarfed by this view.

He was above it. He was beyond it. But god were they ever high.

He felt Leo walk up behind him. “I hate this view.”

He sighed and nodded. “I’m surprised I don’t feel sick. I hate heights.”

He felt him step beside him and press his shoulder against his. “I know what you mean… it’s like it’s not a real height. There’s none of that wind whipping in your face. Like a big realistic dome with a view.”

Raph nodded, squinting out at the view. “The feeling of the window was freezing.. like ice. And here there’s no wind at all.”

“Me and Slash got Big Mama to tell us there’s some kind of cross dimensional portals between the floors.. that there’s protection magic around the floors. I wonder if something broke the one by our window.”

Raph tapped his fingers against the railing.

“Maybe…”

“You okay..?”

He looked up at him nervously.

“I’m… scared, honestly.. and I’m not sure why.”

Leo smiled down at him. “We’re gonna be okay. We got this, partner.” He held out his fist for a bump.

Raph ignored it to give him a tight hug.

Leo rubbed his back lightly and looked back over at the twins.

“Should we get the raisins out of here? Or do you want more recon?”

Raph sighed and let go. “I think I’d like to stay out of the room for a while. Try and relax.”

“Didn’t bring a bathing suit. Mikeys got those shorts, but you’re wearing jeans.”

Raph shook his head and looked around at what other yokai were wearing. Some were in bathing suits, others looked more naked from what he could tell.

He wasn’t sure if he was comfortable being naked though, shell or not.

“Maybe I’ll just sit.” He said as he spotted a lounge chair to the side.

Leo walked past him to go talk to the twins again and he watched them. He felt like a mom again. Out with her kids. At least he didn’t look like Splinter this time. Bathrobe and all.

It was about noon and the sun was shining, so it was getting busier the longer they stayed out here. But he just sat in the warm sun and let himself feel calm, he watched Mikey try and splash Donnie to coax him in, watched Leo strip down to his sweatpants to wrestle with their baby brother in the pool.

At some point Donnie wandered over to hand him his electronics and he smiled at him.

“You wanna get in?” Raph asked him, surprised.

He shrugged. “Might as well live in the moment for once. It is a nice day, and we’re not too weird here.”

“You want me to help you with your braces?”

“Nah, I’ll need them. I don’t care if they get wet.” He pulled his hoodie off and Raph stared at him. He never went anywhere without something on his chest.

He was surprised how weird it felt to see him like that in public. Donnie was somewhat round like Raph, but had more masculine features, for a turtle. But no muscle definition. Even in the cage he’d been wearing his hoodie. But he was feeling more free right now. Maybe this place was good for them.

Donnie pointed at his phone and headphones.

“If you don’t wanna join, you can like... Read or listen to music. There’s free wifi here.”

Raph hummed and put the headphones on.

“Thanks Donnie…”

He shrugged and made his way into the pool to try doing laps. Which for him was holding the edge the whole time.

Raph eyed the phone and looked through his music. Not much he recognized. He found Queen though, and decided to play that and close his eyes. Letting himself be a turtle basking in the sunlight for about 20 minutes.

He sensed someone sit near him and opened his eyes.

A tall furry lion Yokai was in his sunlight, looking down at him.

And suddenly he felt uncomfortable.

They seemed to be talking to him so he pulled the headphones off.

“Huh?”

“I said kinda a weird look for the pool. The jeans.”

Raph looked down at himself and back up.

“Yeah. Wasn’t planning on coming to the pool.”

He gestured over to his brothers with his head.

“Those your kids?”

Raph furrowed his brows and looked over at his brothers. They seemed to be having fun splashing each other.

“Kinda, yeah?”

“Huh. That one your… husband?”

Raph felt his face flush as he looked over at Leo.

“No, that’s my brother.”

He raised his brows and smirked. “So you’re a single mom?”

‘Female female female!’

His body felt cold despite the heat from the sun.

“Sorry, bet they dragged you out here without a bathing suit. Shame, you look like you’ve got a good figure…”

‘You’re going to get assaulted again!’

His heart was pounding in his chest. He looked in Leo’s direction desperately, needing someone to help him.

“Hey kid.” A deep familiar voice behind him said as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

The lion looked over him nervously.

Raph watched as the backside of a tall muscular turtle stepped into view, shielding him from the Lion’s gaze. They were wearing flowery swim trunks.

“That’s my son you’re talking to. He’s 17. Do I need to call security?” The voice said angrily. “Or are you gonna fuck off?”

Raph tried to quiet his beating heart. He felt like he might throw up. He felt like Slash might jump out.

And yet… This turtle made him feel safe.

“U-uh no problem man! My bad!” The lion quickly rose up and left. And the turtle took the chair and sat down beside him.

Raph looked at him nervously.

Broad shouldered and maybe 30 years old, his skin was a dull light green, his plastron wide and pointier than Raph had ever seen. Thick legs and strong arms. He looked tired but smiled warmly at him with wide, kind eyes.

“Are you okay?”

Raph stared at him nervously, pressing his hand to his chest.

“I-I might be having a panic attack…” he said softly.

The turtle reached out to offer his hand.

“You want me to count for breathing?”

Raph nodded quickly, taking his hand.

“In one two three four… out one two three four...”

He closed his eyes and followed the turtle's instructions. After a few minutes he felt okay again and stared down at the hand in his.

Two fingers. Their hands were so similar, but his were much larger.

He looked up at his face. He’d seen those eyes.

In the dark.

“It’s.. it’s you.”

He grunted softly in affirmation.

“You keep trying to get into trouble.”

Raph stared at him hard. He wanted to look away but he was terrified the man would disappear.

“What.. What's your name?”

“Kirby.”

“W-why are you following me? Why were you…”

“I just said you keep getting into trouble.”

Raph felt his eyes water as he stared at him.

“I-I’m not trying to, I thought I could just… be out in public, but I guess I’m too much of a s-slut…”

Kirby winced and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and holding Raph's hand in both of his, staring at him so kindly.

“You’re not. People always want to take advantage of you. I’m sorry, it’s not fair.”

“W-why do you know that..? W-who are you..?”

He shook his head. “Just someone who cares.”

“D-do you know Jennika..?”

He laughed. A familiar laugh. “Yeah. We know each other.”

“Why… why did she cry when she looked at me?”

He shrugged. “She’s got complicated feelings. Hard to explain.”

“I-I’m not scared of you. I should be, I don’t know you…”

“You kinda know me though.” He said, a weird glint in his eye.

Raph grunted and stared at him frustrated. “Why are you so vague and annoying?”

He laughed and shook his head. “I don’t know. Ah. Leo’s noticed. You should be fine now.” He pulled away from his grasped hand.

“Hey!” They heard Leo yell from the edge of the pool.

Raph didn’t turn. He watched Kirby bolt up and give him a salute before disappearing into the crowd, he presumed to the elevator.

Raph just stared blankly at the space he’d been.

Leo sat in front of him, dripping wet and waving his hand in front of his face.

“Are you okay?! Did he hurt you?!”

Raph looked up at him and shook his head slowly. “No… h-he… uh, saved me..? There was.. a guy trying to…” he closed his eyes and winced. “He saved me.” He looked back at Leo, who looked worried.

“What did he say? Did you get anything out of him?”

Raph rolled onto his back and stared at the pool.

“His name’s Kirby. He says I keep getting into trouble. He pretended he was my dad to make a guy leave… I.. I felt really safe.”

Leo groaned and lay back on the chair. “What the hell is going on…?”

“I-I didn’t want him to leave..” he whispered and held himself. His heart hurt.

Leo looked at him sadly. “Raph..?”

“I-I knew him… h-he said I knew him…”

Leo frowned and rubbed his neck. “Maybe it’s like.. You said he pretended to be your dad. Maybe it’s not pretend. Maybe he’s our real dad. Maybe he’s our dad, and Jennika’s our mom and that’s where we really came from.”

Raph looked up at him. “Jennika wasn’t female… she.. she had a plastron like you, not me. Her tail was long. A-and dad.. dad was so clear our human stuff is his… They couldn’t have made us.”

He sighed. “Let’s just imagine we get to come from somewhere better though, yeah..?”

He looked up at him sadly and nodded.

“O-okay…”

“Do you want to go back to the room..? Cuz we can go…”

He looked over at the twins and saw they were just splashing each other. It looked fun.

“I.. I wanna join, but…” he looked down at himself. He couldn’t swim in these jeans. It was naked or nothing. And he couldn’t do naked.

Leo smiled and bumped his shoulder.

“Trade pants. These are fine.”

Raph blinked and shook his head.

“Then you’ll be in wet jeans…”

“Eh, it’ll dry.” He picked up a rolled towel from a rack nearby and held it up in front of Raph as a privacy barrier.

“C'mon, you go have fun for a minute.”

He groaned and relented, unzipping his jeans and pulling them off. Leo dropped the towel on his lap for privacy and quickly undid his wet sweatpants and passed them to him. Raph put them on, they were a little snug and too long but it was stretchier than the jeans. Leo put the jeans on and smiled.

“See? Easy. I’ll watch the stuff, you go swim.”

Raph eyed him nervously and unzipped his hoodie.

He wondered if Yokai had weird gender rules even without nipples.

He tried not to let it bother him, Leo was being nice and it would be a waste to make him do all that and then just chicken out.

He tossed the hoodie on the pile and decided to jump in.

He let himself float on his stomach for a while, feeling the refreshing water and the sun on his back. He probably looked like a corpse.

He felt someone jump on him and whipped around, seeing Mikey had decided to clamber on his back.

“Raph’s here!” He cheered and hugged him.

Raph laughed a little and shoved him off. “Careful, I’m not that strong a swimmer.”

He looked around. Leo waved at him from the lounge chair.

Someone splashed him and he turned, seeing Donnie holding on to the side of the pool.

Raph beamed. “Oh? We’re doing a splash off now?”

Donnie yelped and started swimming away.

Raph laughed and chased after him, Mikey was cheering from the center of the pool.

“You can escape Donnie! Kick those legs!”

Raph caught up and waved his arm at him, causing a big splash to hit him in the face.

“Nooooo!” He cried dramatically and pretended to sink.

Raph laughed and dove under water, grabbing him around his middle and standing up straight in the shallow end to carry him over his shoulder.

“I caught you!”

Donnie shrieked and laughed, pounding on the back of his shell. “Stoooop!”

“I’ll save you!” Mikey rammed into Raph who dramatically threw Donnie into the deep end.”

And then Donnie didn’t come back up for too long.

“Shit.” Raph dove down and saw him sinking, he grabbed his arm and swam up, dragging him back to the shallow end of the pool and stood holding him up.

He was sputtering and struggling to breathe.

Raph held him against his chest and climbed out of the pool with him and patted him on his back.

“Cough it up, you’re okay.” Raph tried. He was trying not to freak out and placed him on the ground to sit.

He was still wheezing

Someone touched his shoulder and he turned to see a sweet turtle face smiling sadly at him. “I can help.” She said as she pushed him out of the way and waved her hand in front of Donnie’s chest.

She was gaunt. Her arms and knees were wrapped in some kind of bandages, and she was wearing a strange one piece swimsuit on top that fit around her shell. The shell looked too big for her body, slightly off center.

She waved her two fingered hand from chest up to his nose, and a floating bubble of water came out of Donnie’s mouth and then dissipated on the ground.

Donnie stared at her in awe. “W-water bending?” He was panting and taking croaky breaths.

She laughed a little and smiled, confused.

“I don’t know what that means. Simple magic. Are you okay?”

Donnie was clapping himself on the plastron, trying to breathe without croaking. She rubbed his shoulder.

Raph looked between them. Their skin was the same deep blue green. She looked like she could be his older sister.

“I-I think I’m okay…” he glared up at Raph. “Why would you throw me in the deep end?!”

He kept staring at the woman.

She turned to look at him and gave him a sad smile. “His knees aren’t strong enough to keep himself afloat. Maybe with some practice.”

He kept staring at her. She was his height, and much thinner. But she had the same flat plastron and short tail.

“…how do you know that?” He asked.

She laughed sadly and looked down at her own limbs. “Experience.”

Raph looked down and realized that her feet weren’t actually on the ground. She was hovering 2 inches above it.

Donnie seemed to follow his gaze and his eyes went wide.

“Are.. you the ghost?” He asked quietly.

She turned to look down at him and rolled her eyes. “Do I look like a ghost? I’m quite corporeal.”

Donnie looked up at her frustratedly. “You know what I’m talking about.”

She tapped her chin in thought. “Do I?”

He groaned.

Raph put his hand on her arm gently.

“I.. I know you…” he said quietly.

She turned to look back at him with sad eyes.

“We’ve never met. I’m Venus.”

“I’ve… never met another female turtle…” he couldn’t help but say.

She tilted her head sadly. “No.. I guess you haven’t.”

“I-I’m sorry…” he said suddenly.

He didn’t know why he was sorry.

She laughed a little. “You don’t have to be sorry, it’s not bad to be female.” Then her eyes got sad. “But I guess that’s to be expected…”

Donnie shot up and stepped between them.

“How are you floating? Is that like something you were born with or can you learn? Does it help with weight distribution? Is that why you do it? If I could do that I bet it would help. Oh but then you wouldn’t be exercising your knees…”

She blinked and sighed playfully, placing a hand on her hip. “You are too inquisitive.”

Raph stared between them. They had the same snout. The same smug look on their faces.

“Venus…” he said softly.

She turned to look at him. She saw something in his eye and winced, looking away.

“Anyway, I’m glad you’re okay, kid. Don’t go swimming where you can’t stand up, and keep a brother with you at all times in the water!” She saluted and seemed to float away.

Raph wanted to chase her but he just… let her go.

Donnie groaned and looked at him funny. “She could have taught me magic! Bones don’t hurt magic!”

Raph looked down at him sadly, he knew there were tears in his eyes and Donnie’s expression confirmed it.

“Raph what’s wrong..?”

“Sh-she looked just like you…”

He scoffed and folded his arms. “Hardly. She was thin and agile.”

He shook his head and reached out to touch Donnie’s snout. “She had your snout.. your skin.”

Donnie was looking more nervous as Raph looked at him. He pushed Raph’s hand off him. “She can’t have been my mother. Shredder would have seen her as useless damaged goods. Maybe there’s just.. turtle yokai out there who come in such variety that she somewhat looked like me.”

Raph rubbed his arm. He was right, if she was chronically in pain like Donnie, and small and female like Raph… she would have been dead to their father.

“You’re not sure though…” Raph said. Donnie was making a face.

He sighed. “Hereditary illnesses are a thing, I suppose. But I don’t think she was old enough… unless she was… you know, younger than us when it happened.”

“Which Shredder would never have done, obviously..” Raph rolled his eyes and hugged his arms, turning away.

“Sorry…” Donnie mumbled.

He sighed and looked over. “I’m sorry I threw you in the deep end, I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking ‘don’t let him crack his head’ more than I was thinking ‘he needs to hold on to the edge to stay up’.”

Donnie shrugged and leaned against him. “I get it. We’re not used to pools and stuff. Thanks for jumping in after me.”

Raph smiled and rubbed his back. “I mean it would be shitty of me to let you drown don’t you think?”

Donnie grunted and nodded. “Extremely shitty cuz it would have been your fault yeah. Still. Thank you.”

“Are you as done with pool time as I am?”

“Yeeees..” He whined. “Need to recharge.”

Raph laughed and nodded, giving his head a kiss. “Okay.”

They wandered back over to Leo and towelled themselves off, Leo stared up at them questioningly. “How did the recon go? I hope that was what the FAKE drowning was?”

Donnie rolled his eyes as he was letting Raph rub his back dry so he could put his hoodie back on.

“Unfortunately that was a real almost drowning. I am fine, thank you for asking.”

Leo winced and stood up. “Shit, sorry. Are you okay?”

“Fine. She literally water bended the pool water out of my throat. And she was FLOATING! Did you see that?” He couldn’t contain his excitement.

Raph pat his shoulder and decided he should collect Mikey while Donnie got him up to speed.

He turned to the pool and didn’t see him.

Mama turtle went in overdrive.

“Mikey?” He called out, darting between people in the crowd.

The more he looked the more worried he got.

‘Idiot, you almost kill ONE brother and LOSE the other?’

He groaned and smacked his head. “Shut up Slash.”

That was new but he couldn’t blame him.

He did a lap around the pool and saw the backside of a turtle behind the bar to the side. He rushed over and realized this turtle was bigger than him.

“Jennika.” He breathed.

She turned in surprise and he could see Mikey behind her, smiling up at him.

“Oh, hi Raph!”

He whimpered and rushed forward, ignoring her to grab him around his shoulders.

“Where did you go! I was worried!”

He grabbed his arms and pushed him back.

“I’m fine! I made a friend, see?” He held his hand out to Jennika, who was standing awkwardly beside them. She was wearing a big white t shirt and baggy trunks.

“Sorry, you… guys were distracted and I wanted to make sure he was safe somewhere…” she barely looked at him.

That hurt for some reason.

“Thanks…” he stood back up, keeping his hand on Mikey’s shoulder to make sure he knew where he was. “I.. sorry, I shouldn’t.. assume things but. You’re… not female like me, are you..?”

She blinked and shook her head. “Uh… no. I used to be… sad. About that.”

A new emotion came over him and he gave her a look of awe.

“Are you… trans..?”

She gave him a surprised look. “Is that… okay?”

Raph could feel his eyes water but he smiled big. “I… I’ve never met a.. I mean, you’re a turtle like me, and you’re.. trans too! A-and that.. makes me happy, I-I don’t know.. sorry, I’m not… not trying to be weird.”

She smiled and shook her head, her eyes were wet too.

“No, it’s not weird, I really get it…” she rubbed her arm. “I didn’t know uh…” she coughed and shook her head. “No, I guess I’d always hoped you were. I didn’t understand myself.”

Raph was confused by her words but kept smiling at her.

“You’re beautiful.” He told her. He didn’t know why he felt the need to tell her that. It was overwhelming seeing someone like him out in the world.

She stared at him with a shocked smile. Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

“O-oh…” she sniffed and then laughed, rubbing her eyes. “F-fuck, can I hug you? Th-this is a lot but..”

Raph reached in instantly to wrap his arms around her. He just wanted to make her feel as happy as he felt seeing her. She was taller than him and thicker up top, but she was just a beautiful turtle girl to him.

She seemed to be crying above him as she held him back.

Mikey wandered over and smiled up at her. “See, she’s a friend Raph!”

The two of them parted and Jennika got down on her knee to idly punch his shoulder.

“You’re a good judge of character, but you still shouldn’t run off with people. Not here. There’s bad guys here. Only trust turtles, got that little man?”

He made a determined face and nodded. “Got it.”

Jennika then leaned in to hug Mikey. It looked like a bone crushing hug. Mikey just took it and tried to hug her back just as strongly.

Raph looked between them. They looked.. so similar. She looked like if Mikey had been well loved as a child and grown up strong.

The idea was making him cry again.

“Jennika!” They heard a voice call out.

Raph looked over and saw Kirby again. He was standing by the elevator and waving her over, he looked frustrated to see Raph again, and maybe a little sad.

Jennika looked up and wiped her eyes. “Shit. That’s my brother, he’s gonna give me a talking to…” She muttered slightly annoyed.

Raphs eyes snapped up at her. “Kirby’s your brother?”

She winced and rubbed her neck. “Uh, it’s been nice talking!”

She shuffled away.

Raph was shaking suddenly.

“W-wait!” He started to run but they both looked at him inside the elevator with a sorrowful look and then disappeared.

And he dropped to his knees.

Mikey put his hands on his shoulders. “Raph? What’s wrong? Is it the voices again?”

But his head was silent, save for a ringing in his ears. He stared at the elevator blankly. It opened again and they weren’t there anymore.

He wasn’t sure how long he was staring, he knew Donnie and Leo had wandered up holding all of their stuff, and it took the three of them to lift him off the ground.

“What happened, Raph?” Leo asked gently as they walked his body towards the elevator.

He just stared inside. He hoped to god they’d just reappear and let him ask the burning question on his mind.

He couldn’t say this out loud until he knew.

The elevator door closed and it was just him and his brothers again.

‘You’re right.’

He whipped his head around to look, but realized the voice was Slash again.

“W-what do you mean I’m right?!”

His brothers looked at him funny but he paid them no mind.

‘You know who they are. And you’re right. Big Mama told me the first time you let me out, she wasn’t gonna crush the eggs. She said we’d never see them again. She lied.’

“B-but that makes no sense Slash! Th-they’re too old! I-it’s been a week!”

‘I don’t know. But you know that’s who they are.’

Raph slammed his head against the wall and shook it hard.

“N-no!”

Leo grabbed his shoulder and looked him in the eye. “Raph. Talk to me. What happened?”

Raph looked around the elevator in a panic. Mikey and Donnie looked scared of him, scared of what was happening.

“I-I… not here… I-in the room..”

He didn’t want anyone's secret eyes on him right now. He couldn’t trust Big Mama. Leo was right. Why had they bothered to talk to her at all today? They were better off on their own!

The door opened on their floor and they quickly rushed back inside their freshly cleaned room. Raph checked every room, every cranny. The windows were closed and no one was hiding in the corners.

After his panicked rushing he sat on the freshly cleaned sofa and tried to calm his breathing.

His brothers all stood in front of him in the conversation pit. None of them wanted him out of sight.

“Raph.” Leo said sternly. He looked up and saw them all staring at him with worried eyes.

He looked between them. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “It won’t make sense. But nothing here does. There’s.. magic and portals and dimensional travel…”

“At this point no theory is too out there.” Donnie said.

He opened his eyes and looked at them all seriously.

“They’re our kids.”

[carliim]

The Fourth | Jeremiah x Fem!Reader

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summary: its the Fourth of July and Jeremiah sees you watching the fireworks with Conrad, he's loved you for as long as he can remember, how is he going to react? is he going to see the situation different than it really is? (belly basically doesn't exist and youre in place of her)

request: yes/no (that was really fast lol)

word count: 1k

warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, and that's all I can think of!

(not proofread and I wrote this late, ill fix errors later :))

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Jeremiah's pov:

it was the fourth of July night at cousins beach. we had all spent most of the day down at the beach playing drinking games and eating a bunch of food. and all I could do the whole time was watch y/n. only mom knows but I have loved her basically since I was twelve... I stayed home with her for a week while she was sick and I took care of her, and when I got sick two days later she took care of me. I've always seen her as beautiful. even way before this summer. but guess who also did. Conrad. I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up going for Conrad rather than me. I mean yeah he's older, taller, mysterious, but he would never truly care for her as much as I do. Conrad likes the idea of someone needing him and wanting him so he will take that to his advantage until he no longer needs it and then he will push them away, and im not letting that happen to y/n. I can take care of her.

y/n's pov:

I was standing down at the dock watching the fireworks out in the distance smiling to myself at how great of a day I had. I couldn't help but smile when thinking back to every time I caught Jeremiah glancing over at me. he's always been the flirtatious type but recently he's been seeming more sincere about it. that's why I think ill always pick jer. he's taken care of me since we were twelve. all the way back to when he stayed home with me when I was sick. I've loved him ever since and have always promised myself to look after him.

I noticed a figure walk up next to me.

"oh! hey Conrad" I smiled in his direction before looking back to the fireworks

"hey y/n/n" he said slightly monotone that made me look back at him

"Is everything alright?" I turned my body to face him completely and tilted my head to get a better look at him

"um, yeah yeah. I just have something ive been meaning to talk to you about."

"what's up?" I look at him slightly concerned

he looks at me for a few moments, seemingly nervous. instead of speaking he only moves closer to me, taking one of my hands in his. I shift uncomfortably, not liking where it's seeming to be going.

don't get me wrong I love Conrad. but I have and will always see him as a brother. my heart belongs to someone else.

before Conrad could get any closer, a firework flies right by the both of us causing me and Conrad to jump.

"um, I uh, I think im going to head back inside. I think im going to call it a night. goodnight Conrad." I start heading back up to the house quickly, wanting to get out of the situation.

"right, um, goodnight y/n" he clears his throat, glancing back down at the ground before turning back.

----------------------------------

once I got back inside I walked upstairs and headed to my bedroom, I walked in the door but stopped and walked towards jers room. I wanted to make sure to say goodnight to him before heading to sleep, and see if he had as good of a day as I did.

"knock knock, its me" I opened the door and peeped a head inside. the lights were off but her was sitting on his bed facing the opposite direction. "I wanted to see how your day was, I had a lot of fun hanging with all of you and I- jer? are you listening?" I walked over and sat next to him, moving his chin so he was looking at me.

"why him y/n" jer said with a tear stained face.

"woah woah jer why are you crying? what are you talking about?" I turned to face him fully and took one of his hands in mine.

"Conrad." he scoffed. "I seriously should've known that it would end up being him. I saw you both down at the dock together" he let another tear fall as he looked me dead in the eyes with so much hurt.

"no no no jer you're seeing this all wrong. I didn't know what was going down back there. I was just watching the fireworks and he came up to me like that. if im being honest I think he had one too many drinks tonight and didn't even know what he was doing himself." I gave him a sympathetic smile as I rubbed his hand softly

" so you didn't kiss him?" he asked as his gaze softened "and you didn't want to kiss him?"

I laughed and placed a hand on his cheek "jer. no I didn't want to kiss him and I definitely didn't. im honestly glad that definite accidental firework went off. "

"yeah uh that's my bad." he glanced down tugging a smile grin

"I thought so.." I smile softly "look, jer. you are honestly one of the sweetest, and most caring people I have ever met in my entire life. since day one. you have always been the one to look out for me and take care of me. no matter the situation you were the one the came to my rescue. I was drunk? you were the dd. I was sick? you took care of me. I was crying over something dumb? you were my shoulder to cry on. someones messing with me? you'd beat them up in a heartbeat. I can go on and on. jer. it's always always been you and I don't know have you haven't seen that. I wouldn't choose anyone else but you." before I could let him get a work out of his mouth I cupped his cheeks and pressed my lips onto his in a soft kiss. his eyes widened in shock before he melted into it, bringing his hands to hold my waist. i pulled away slowly after a few moments and smiled at him.

"will you stay with me tonight" he asked as he rubbed my sides softly

"of course jer." I smiled and laid down with him, my head resting on his chest and his arms wrapped around me holding me close.

"my moms gonna flip when I tell her about this."

"nah honestly I think she sees everything coming." i look up at him. "and probably this too, we both go to her about everything." we both laughed and not long after fell asleep. gosh this is going to be the best summer yet.

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pls pls like and reblog!! 🫶🏼

[soubeomies]

୨୧ "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"

⤷ PAIRING﹕ jiung x gn!reader

⤷ WARNINGS ﹕none

⤷ GENRE﹕fluff

⤷ AUTHOR'S NOTE﹕mei finally double posts?!??! anon asked when the next jiung fic was dropping, and i got motivated to finally do the idea ive had for awhile. i always thought jiung would be an overreacter bf HAHAH

⤷ SYNOPSIS ﹕you fell sick and decided to call jiung over to help you out, upon entering your bedroom, he found you limp on your bed. you were asleep, but he thought you had died and left him in this cruel world alone!

you were getting ready for bed as you were in your bathroom getting ready for bed. you were standing infront of your sink, looking at yourself as you emulsify the facial cleanser in your hands before gently rubbing it into your face, making sure you get all the nooks and crannies. the foam of the cleanser somewhat bringing you a sense of relaxation. a few minutes passed as you washed it off. your face feeling clean and fresh. after that, you continued on with your nightly routine, which was doing your skincare, then going to bed. 

you were in the middle of doing your skincare, humming a familiar melody as you felt your head spinning. you were coming with the worst headache ever! you tried brushing it off as you just continued on with your skincare. after finishing, the headache was still ringing in your head as it felt like you’ve been hit by a truck.

you went to sit in your bed as you mumbled to yourself about trying to sleep it off. you got in bed as you scrolled thru your phone as you usually do before bed. but the more you tried to brush it off, the worse the headache got. you caved in and took it as you were probably coming down with a fever of some sort. you reluctantly got out of your bed as you walked to the kitchen.

you rustled through your kitchen as you couldnt even think straight due to your headache, you opened some drawers before finally finding some medication. you took a pill out of its container before grabbing a cup and filling it with water. you put the pill in your mouth as you washed it down with the cup of water.

you finished up the water and put it in the sink before getting back to bed. you tucked yourself into bed, you were just tossing and turning, in hopes to sleep the pain off. sleep slowly came easy as the medication you took had side effects that made you sleepier over time. you slowly fell into a deep slumber.

–

morning came, you were rudely awoken with the most painful pounding in your head. you winced a little at the feeling as you even felt warm. you brought your hand up to your forehead as you felt your forehead being literally piping hot. 

you reached over to your phone on your bedside table and texted the first person that came to your head; jiung.

–

–

after sending those messages, you didnt even read jiung reply as you fell back asleep. your hand on your chest with your phone in hand, your chat with jiung open. about 20-ish minutes passed as jiung entered your apartment. he had spare keys to your apartment because you gave it to him incase of any emergency.

the door to your bedroom creaked open as he saw you asleep on your bed… one tiny thing though. your breathing was really subtle, calm and steady which made it barely noticeable that you were even breathing. he dropped everything he was holding as he ran to you. “baby?” he said as he gently shook you. “baby wake up..” he repeated as he shook you a little harder. he brought his hands to your face as he tucked a strand of your hair away from your face. tears then formed on his face as he literally thought you died. (IJBOL IM SORRY)

he started crying and burying his head into your chest as he kept mumbling for you to wake up. “angel p–please.. dont do this to me.. d–dont leave me in this cruel world alone.. please..” he mumbled in sobs as his words were choppy and sort of incomprehensible. you slowly fell into consciousness as you fluttered your eyes open, looking at jiung crying on you hysterically. “jiung..?” you muttered as you rubbed your eyes. “ANGEL?? Y/N???!! OH MY GOD THANK GOD YOURE ALIVE!!!!!” he said as he pulled you into a warm bear hug. “DONT SCARE ME LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN!!” he sobbed as he buried his head into your shoulder.

“what..? what did i do..” you muttered as you stared at him. “BABY I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!” he wailed as he continued sobbing and tightening his grasp on you, not wanting to let go any time soon. “baby i just fell asleep..” you said with a slight giggle. already feeling better since your beloved boyfriend was here for you.. even if he thought you literally died hehe.. (ᵕ— ᴗ —)

[celestialsoyeon]

Chan centric

content: high fever, seizures (not described), hospital trip, IV, throwing up

wc: 1,28k

requested by @suraandsugar! I hope you'll like it!

Seventeen’s dorms had settled in an eerie silence this morning. There was no Seokmin singing in the room or Chan and Soonyoung playing Just Dance in the living room just after waking up. 

All thirteen of them were piled up in one room, the one Chan shared with Vernon and Minghao. 

The maknae was still in bed, covers climbing to his face and curled up in his bed, unable to get up. Seokmin was sitting next to him, stroking his hair.

“My poor baby.. Do you want to drink some water?”

Chan shook off his head. He would be unable to drink or eat anything. Nothing would stay down. Minghao learnt it to his own expense after caring for him when he threw up at night. 

The whole day went back like this. Chan had a fever and kept throwing up. He might even have fainted once or twice, the members weren’t exactly sure of this. Seungcheol had called the manager and told him they were taking a day off to take care of Chan.

They all did their best to take care of him, to help him get better, but at the end of the day, things hadn’t gotten better. If anything, they had gotten worse. 

Chan’s fever had gotten so high that anything he said wasn’t making sense, when he was saying anything at all.

Seokmin suggested to get him to the emergency room, thinking Chan’s condition could be really serious, but the maknae protested, saying he would get better and that he didn’t want to go to the hospital.

They didn’t want to force anything, but now, Chan really looked sick and like he needed help. A sort of help none of them was ever taught to give. He really needed to see a doctor.

Seungcheol kept Chan’s hand in his, looking at him worriedly.

“Channie.. You’re definitely unwell. You need help.. Please, let us at least call a doctor.”

“I don’t want to see a doctor.. I don’t like that..”

“No one likes that, baby.. And we’ll be here with you. None of us is going anywhere.”

“I’m scared hyung..”

“It’s okay. You’re not alone. We’re all here. I’ll hold you hand if you need me to. We’ll stay with you. You have nothing to fear.”

Chan keep shaking his head, but when Seungcheol felt his body start shaking slightly, he understood they couldn’t delay it any longer.

Chan was having fever-induced seizures and he really needed medical care. They couldn’t wait any longer or their maknae would be in danger.

Seokmin seemed terrified to see him like that. Soonyoung and Seungkwan held him close, trying to reassure him that Chan would be alright, despite them being just as scared. 

Seungcheol called the doctor of the company, describing the situation as best as he could. Jeonghan and Wonwoo were handling Chan’s condition for now.

Jeonghan was keeping Chan laying on his side, in case he threw up, the youngest being too out of it to notice. 

It seemed to get slightly better when Wonwoo cooled him down with the ice he brought from the kitchen.

“Channie? Are you with us right now? Seungcheol hyung has called the doctor. We need to know what’s wrong with you.” he said in a soft and reassuring voice.

Wonwoo was always perceived by other as intimidating and cold, but to the members, he was the kindest and most thoughtful. He did his best to reassure their maknae, but he still looked scared and sick.

“I don’t want to see a doctor.. Hyung.. I’m scared..”

“I know you don’t want to, but we need to know what’s wrong with you and get you back to health as fast as possible. You’re in a serious situation, Channie, the fever made you have seizures and it could be dangerous. We don’t want anything happening to you.”

Chan kept whining, but Wonwoo didn’t back down, neither did the other members.

“We won’t leave you alone. You’re in good hands. But we need to know what’s wrong with you before you actually get in trouble. You need to be taken care of and none of us knows shit about medical care. We only know some basics we’d like to avoid having to do on you.”

Chan didn’t say anything more and just curled even more in bed, trying to get in Wonwoo’s arms. He needed reassurance. It was pretty unusual to see him this clingy. He was usually more like Minghao, liking to be hugged but never asking openly for it. 

But just like most of the members, he was incredibly clingy when he was sick. They all stayed by Chan’s side, trying to bring him comfort and reassurance, but when the doctor Seungcheol called arrived, the room settled in a heavy silence, only broken by Chan’s occasional whines. He was saying nonsense again, his fever climbing again. 

Everyone had worried looks on their faces, and none of them knew what to do. The doctor quickly assessed the situation and determined it was necessary for Chan to be transported to the hospital.

Chan whined and complained, not wanting to go there but it didn’t change the doctor’s mind as he called an ambulance. The dancer got scared at the idea of finding himself alone in a hospital room, having to get IVs and shots. 

Even Seungcheol promising him to stay by his side and not let go of his hand didn’t seem to do much to reassure Chan. He kept whining and had tears in his eyes. 

He curled up even more in Wonwoo’s embrace, not wanting to leave it, and not letting himself be moved when the ambulance arrived. 

The paramedics tried to assess the situation but Chan would not let them touch him, and push him away. They tried to get their hands on him as softly as possible but it didn’t work. Only his fellow members could touch him without him trying to squirm away from the touch.

Wonwoo ended up performing himselfthe basic checks, they had no choice because Chan wouldn’t let himself be examined. And the results left no doubt: he needed further treatment at the hospital.

Chan started whining and crying, despite his members reassurance. Wonwoo held him tighter and Seungkwan started humming a soft song to soothe him down. Chan stopped crying but kept clinging onto Wonwoo, not wanting to let go.

“You’re going to be okay. We can’t all come with you in the ambulance, there’s not enough space, but one of us will probably be allowed to accompany you.”

Seungcheol stepped in, holding Chan’s hand.

“I’ll accompany him.” 

Chan held his hyung’s hand as tightly as his condition would allow him to. He was way too scared to let go.

The worst was arriving at the hospital when they tried to get an IV line into Chan’s arms. He squirmed away from their touch and Seungcheol had to physically restrain him for the doctors to be finally able to treat him.

It broke his heart that he had to do that, but Chan needed to be taken care of, whether he wanted it or not. The younger cried for a few minutes, completely terrified despite Seungcheol holding him in his arms.

“It’s okay Channie.. It’s okay.. I’m here. You don’t have to be scared. The others will be here soon. You’re not alone and you’re going to get better. I know you don’t like what’s happening right now but it’s our best shot for you to heal fast.”

Seungcheol stroked his hair and kept hugging him, and Chan eventually calm down.

It was an eventful day, but it was all going to be okay.

[luvsae]

could you write headcannons with hyunsu and a reader that has social anxiety?

hello! of course i can :D

ive never really written something like this before but i hope this will be good enough :)

cha hyunsu with reader who has social anxiety | requested

- how did you and hyunsu meet exactly? well, before everything happened, hyunsu was very talkative and loved helping everyone - that's how he came across you.

- you were very shy, though, so it was hard to get you out of your shell at first.

- he was your partner for a project at school and you two needed to communicate. he started off by saying "hi" and you responded with a quiet "hi" back

- you started to warm up, though. it took a bit of time but you became close friends with hyunsu and hung out a lot

- when you two became close you told him about your social anxiety and he was very accepting. he promised to help you in times that you needed it, and would also try to encourage you and help you overcome certain moments.

- there was one time you broke out of your shell

- that was when hyunsu was being treated horribly by people in school. you told them to "piss off" - what you didn't know is that hyunsu appreciated that.

- now, since you have social anxiety, you never imagined having a partner, but hyunsu changed that when he asked you out. you were hesitant and nervous, but you said yes.

- time skip to being adults; you live with hyunsu now in an apartment. your neighbors are nice but you're still anxious about talking to them. when they say "hi" or try to make conversation, you may freeze but hyunsu is there to squeeze your hand reassuringly.

- if you have a panic attack and need to go to a quiet place, hyunsu will take you there and hold your face in his hands. "focus on your breathing", "you aren't alone, okay?" "you're doing great."

- hyunsu is very comforting. always reassuring you, hugging you, loving you.

- if you have a hard time going out, don't evennnn worry !! hyunsu would rather spend his time at home with you then go out to an expensive bar.

- though, sometimes if you have moments where you don't want to go out but you're going to do something you enjoy, hyunsu will talk you through it. always giving you the option of staying home and relaxing, or going out for a bit.

- hyunsu is definitely the best at comforting you.

- when he catches you thinking about an embarrassing situation that happened in public a few hours ago, he'll reassure you.

- "you didn't do anything wrong, baby." "no one would ever make fun of you." "i love you."

- if you feel sick in public, hyunsu will gently pull you off to the side and talk to you. he'll make sure you're okay and ask if you want to go somewhere quiet.

- if you're anxious about ordering something, hyunsu will definitely take over and order for you

- i feel like hyunsu would come to doctor appointments with you, or any appointment in general

- even if you tell him it's okay, he'll insist, even if that means just driving you

- "what if they were judging me, hyunsu?" "i promise no one would ever judge you. let's distract you, okay?"

- if you're anxious about something, hyunsu will turn on your favorite show or will order your favorite food

- hyunsu is patient with you. if you need alone time he will definitely leave you alone. if you need him near you, he'll sit beside you and hold your hand

- he'll research breathing methods for you and then will use them whenever you're feeling really anxious

- hyunsu is the best listener. he'll let you rant or vent about how you feel. if you need him to say his opinion, then he'll say it. if you just need him to listen, he will listen

- he'll teach you the "5 things you can see, etc.." method because it helps him with his anxiety, so it may help with yours

- hugs hugs hugs.

- hyunsu will hug you tight just to make sure you're safe

- dates in public may turn into dates in your backyard or a snuggle on the couch ♡

- i feel like hyunsu would get you a journal to write down your feelings and help you clear your mind

- hyunsu is the best bf ever !!

- over all, he's always there to help you and will make sure you're okay ♡

[maryannecrimsworth]

Version 1 of the sequel of Only Silence(without you), honestly super duper excited, THE SONG FOR THIS IS "Billie Eilish - Happier than Ever". Ive already talked about it in the reblog of OSWY but ill be putting it in summarized form instead of ramble form.

Wednesday x Singer!Reader

After that last concert in Jericho, you and your crew left without any problems and you started your preparation to move on from Wednesday with putting away that Crystal ball that the Addams Family gifted to you to be in contact with Wednesday, you touch the Crystal ball and reminisce all those talks between you two, you let out a breath that you didnt know you were holding and decided on contacting them to inform them of the break up between you two, anxiety and paranoia would strike you. You think that they will not take it well, you think they will hunt you for breaking up with Wednesday. You take a deep breath and took that leap of faith and called them and informed them of your situation (you decide their reaction, would they be understanding or will they cut you off from their lives), and you also inform them of you putting away the crystal ball and that if they need you, just give you a letter or text.

The fact that the concert was the last one of your tour, you were afraid that with nothing much to do, your head might get filled with thoughts of her, but surprisingly you were a lil inspired so you write and write, compose and compose until you are satisfied. You gave yourself a pat on the back, you have outdone yourself as you knew your song is gonna go big but your grin becomes a melancholic smile. You look up at the ceiling and clench ur fists while letting out a stuttering breath and you lay down and sleep for the night hoping that the night will wash your feelings away.

The next morning you ask your manager if you could do a live stream Q&A cuz you always liked to do fan interactions. After a few days of pleading, Your manager gave in and you gave a cheer also telling them ur inviting a famous friend. Past forward a week later, everything was prepared and all set up, you and ur friend are side by side answering questions about ur tour and life etc etc. By the end of the stream, you sneakily said that you have a song cooked up and grabbed ur instrument and started singing the song.

(NOW ITS UP TO YOU AUTHOR FOR THIS TO END CUZ LEGIT ive run out of things to type for this and do please have fun -love, Tundra)

After listening very carefully to all the songs you suggested, I chose one --- and this version practically wrote itself. I hope you like this pure sadness

Sequel(1) of Only Silence(Without You) / Sequel (2)

Pairing: Wednesday Addams x Singer! Gn! Reader

Warning: Memories; heart-break; moving on; sad end; reader pranks the local church(no offense directed at any religion, it's just the reader's background)

Author's note: This is the Version 1(aka angsty end). There will be an Version 2(aka hurt and comfort) soon

I am alone(In The Stars)

Reason.

That was what Wednesday kept looking for: reason. 

For what reason did she remain quiet? For what reason did she ignore your letters, your calls? For what reason did she choose Tyler, for what reason did she kiss him, knowing his lips would never taste like yours? Why did she ruin you, you two — her everything. 

The person who never cheated, lied, or used her — you were always there for her, no matter what; bad or good, criminal or legal, and now you weren’t. 

You were not by her side, and you would never be again. You were her partner, a part of her life — a part of her, and now you are missing. 

Now you are gone, far away and her day feels empty. She sits on the last seat of the empty church, and her body shivers as her mind remembers you. She itches, scratches, trembles like she’s sick, like something has been violently ripped from her — like a phantom limb lingering, hurting, aching, screaming and bawling in despair, even though it is not really there. And this is what hurts: its absence, your absence. You are missing. She misses you. 

And the church's quiet inside just made her notice how empty she felt without you. 

Sunday mornings were your favorite

I used to meet you down on Woods Creek Road

It was almost comical how you behaved. Every single week, every single Sunday, you would sneak into the church — under the priest’s nose, to your aunt’s disgrain — and watch the saints and symbols as if they were real deities. As if your father could be among them, singing with the choir, listening to the sermon, watching and praying like you were. Then someone would yawn, a teen would scoff, an old man would curse and you were shattered. The deities disappeared, being placed with pale, old statues, as you stood up and laughed. You laughed loudly, scornfully, wickedly and the whole church would look at you. The priest would grasp your arm as you shoot questions at him, your aunt would slap you in the face and take you out of the temple. It was your theater, your show, your little spectacle to make all the believers shiver and tremble in their feet. To make them regret rejecting you and your father — to make them remember what you have done on your first day in the city. On the day you first met her. 

Your posture was as straight and confident as always: you were not older than 10, but you lifted your chin and watched the people in the funeral as if they were plebs, farseers, as if they were worms. Worms crawling up to your father’s corpse, on display in the middle of the pulpit — you despised them, you despised their hypocrisy, you despised how they pretended to care after kicking your father out of town. After expelling a man in need, a man with a newborn — you — and acting as if they were right, as if they had the right to do it. 

No deity would allow this, no deity would accept believers this dissembling — no deity would allow its followers to sin like this in complete silence. 

So you broke the silence — you interrupted your aunt's speech of empty, lying words — you made the statues sing and sob while the believers turned pale. The symbols and faces you always look at sang in a motionless choir — the Saints spoke and rebuked their bad testimonies, Virgin Mary and Baby Jesus scolded all the relatives you have never talked to. Your family trembled and cried, begging the heavens to stop, begging for forgiveness, promising they would be better — the priest was in despair, and screams took over the church until your laughter arose. Sitting next to Wednesday, hidden by her side, watching the chaos with her, you were witnessing your own show from outside, feeling pleasure for the despair of your family. 

And before she could notice, Wednesday was laughing too. Your aunt got you before you could talk to her — but you saw her. You heard her low laugh and turned your head in an abrupt motion, and you saw her. You smiled at her while you were being dragged out of the church.

You did your hair up like you were famous

Even though it's only church where we were goin'

That was where she met you. That was where she always met you — at church, on the Sunday morning, and she would watch your show, your display of anger and revolt, and she would smirk back at you as you were being kicked out of the temple once again. In the beginning, you were testing her — you wanted to know if she was truly enjoying your spectacle. She was — and that’s why you kept doing it. 

At church, then at her house; after a few months meeting at the temple, changing nothing but a few glances, you followed her home — to the haunted mansion of the city — and waited for the dusk. When the silence came and the fog arose among the gravestones of the Addams' yard, you started to sing. Your voice sounded like thunder at first, shaking the whole building with a supernatural power. 

“Hello darkness, my old friend!” The singing resounded inside her room, and Wednesday jumped from her seat immediately — her eyes wandered fastly around the place, looking for the source of the song. “I've come to talk with you again.” 

She opened her window and saw you standing in the middle of the garden. 

You were smiling at her. 

You will never sing to her again.

Now, Sunday mornings, I just sleep in

It's like I buried my faith with you

She was the only one in the church now. The funeral was over — the dead had already been buried, the priest had already spoken, the widow had already cried. The sky and nature were mourning — the whole city was quiet, grieving, reminiscing. Ever since you left, silence has taken over everything. Wednesday used to enjoy it, but now it tortured her — now, while the outside was quiet and still, her mind was disrupted by you; by your singings, by your voice, by your serenades and by your letters. By every single part of you she had lost. 

I'm screamin' at a God, I don't know if I believe in

'Cause I don't know what else I can do

‘Ma noirceur’. It was how you signed all your letters: to Ma noirceur. My darkness; that was how you used to call her when you were alone. In front of other people, you called her Nessie, because she was as ‘mysterious and scary’ as the Loch Ness monster — and because it fitted her. An unknown monster, hiding in the depths of water, powerful and lonely, unreachable for the cowards and ordinary — just like her: you saw how Wednesday behaved, how her blank expression was nothing but a barrer, and you smiled at it. “Lucky me” you used to say “that I’m quirky and bold!” 

“You mean dumb and reckless.” She used to argue back. Then you used to laugh and kiss her. 

Used to.

Just like you used to leave messages in the crystal ball she was now holding. 

“My parents have no say in the matter.” Wednesday said to Thing after watching him gesticulate. “Neither do you.” She shoved him out of the bench; he fell to the ground and signed angrily to her. “Leave me alone.” She ordered, without lowering her gaze to him — without letting her watery eyes be seen. 

The air in the graveyard behind the church was even heavier than before; the oxygen was thick, cold, a warning of the coming storm. The heavens were about to cry, to tear up, to paint the whole city with their melancholy and grieve — and still, they were silent. The clouds moved fastly in the sky, but there was not a sound in the air: no wind blowing, no rain dropping, no branch cracking. There was only Wednesday and you, inside her mind. 

I'm still holdin' on to everything that's dead and gone

I don't wanna say goodbye, 'cause this one means forever

In days like this, sad, cloudy Sundays, you would take her home after church, and stay: you would smile and make her parents laugh with your awful jokes; you would teach Pugsley some of your worst prank; you would arm-wrestle Thing, and lose every time; you would nag Lurch until he played the piano while you sang for all of them; you would woke up all the spirits of the cemetery with your voice and all the Addams would watch your performance; then you would say good night, and leave the house for a few minutes. The rain would fall, the grass would turn to mud and Wednesday would look out of her window. And she would see you there, sitting under a dry tree, waiting for her.

“You will die under this rain.” She said, stepping slowly closer to you. 

“I will only die in your arms, Ma noirceur.” You reached her, and she moved like she had done so many times before: she sat by your side as your arms enfolded her tightly. “That’s better.” You whispered in her ear, your hot breath reaching her face as she turned to look at you. The water falling down on both of you froze your bodies, you were cold, trembling, soaked, and yet, somehow, your voice made her core burn; her face flamed while you smiled at her. But you were kind — you never stared at her for too long, you never laughed or talked about her blushed cheeks, you never asked her to hug you back; you simply held her as the sky collapsed above you. 

You flinched every time a lighting shone on the heavens, and your hands loosened around her ever so slightly. 

She never knew — and she would never know — if you did it on purpose. If moving away after embracing her so kindly was some kind of intentional torture. Because, for her, it was: her skin shivered as you distanced yourself, and she grasped you closer in a reflex. In an urge. In a need she would only show to you — only then, under the rain, when the sounds of the thunders and whispers of the winds sounded like the most beautiful choir around you. When, under her touch, you were hers, and hers alone; When you smiled while her lips found yours.

While her world spinned at the perfect pace, even though her heart was beating like never before. 

You tasted cold, soaked yet sweet; natural, like dew, and her head got light once you moved slightly away.

“I love you, Wednesday Addams.” You spoke between laughs before kissing her again. 

You were completely different from Tyler. 

Tyler’s lips were warm, bitter, almost dry. His kiss made her stomach churn as yours torched her whole skin. He opened her eyes while you could keep her in the dark forever. 

Now she missed it: she missed the darkness, she missed the rain, she missed you.

The storm wasn’t the same without you. The silence reigned without you by her side. It was torture, of the worst kind. 

Then she asked herself again: for what reason?

For what reason did she make you go forever?

Now you're in the stars and six-feet's never felt so far

Here I am alone between the heavens and the embers

“The dead will miss you, my dearest.” Morticia sounded sad. It was disturbing to hear such a sweet, calm voice speaking like this. Like you were dead. You felt like you were — and now, you were indeed dead for the Addams. No matter how much you loved Gomez, Morticia and Pugsley, you couldn’t handle seeing them. You couldn’t bear talking and laughing with them while every single thing made you remember Wednesday — made you remember the boy she kissed while ignoring your letters. Made you remember her betrayal. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to meet one last time?” Meet her. Gomez was still hoping for a reconciliation between you two. “You can always come here, you know that, mi cariño.” 

“I know, sir, and I appreciate it.” Gomez frowned as you spoke. You haven't called him "sir" in years. “But I don’t think Wednesday would like it.” You tried to smile, but failed. Tears were about to fall from your eyes again. “I’m really sorry but I think…I think it’s really over.” You whispered. “Please send Pugsley my goodbye.”

You lost Wednesday. Now you lost your family too. 

“We will, Y/N.”

“Adíos.”

Oh, it hurts so hard

For a million different reasons

You took the best of my heart

And left the rest in pieces

“Come on, Y/N!” Your friend held your feet and dragged you across the bedroom floor. “We didn't make your manager go through hell to back off now!”

“I hate you!” You grunted from the ground, your voice muffled by your hands. “Let me suffer.” You whined. “This is what makes a good artist!”

“Exactly! Turn this into something!” 

You took your hands off your face.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean ‘stop crying and get yourself together!’” She grabbed you by your shoulders and made you sit up. “Let’s answer the questions from the fans and then you can play your new song.” Your friend held your face, forcing you to look at her. “Please.” She pleaded. “I haven’t heard your voice in days.”

“I don’t have a new song.” You mumbled.

“You do. I know you do!” She bit her lips, shaking her head in order to not shake you. “Get. Up.”

A week. You were in your bedroom for a week now and you wrote like never before. You have already done most of your new album. There was only one song missing — the song you have been mulling inside your head over and over again, incapable of singing it. You remained in silence for days because you could not force yourself to sing it — you could not say goodbye for her, not yet. 

But you had to. 

“HELL YES!” Your friend cheered as you stood up. “I’ll grab your guitar!”

I'm still holdin' on

Holdin' on, holdin' on

Your phone vibrated inside your coat’s pocket. You saw the screen and frowned immediately: an unknown number.

The call was answered and you held the phone to your ear.

“Hi, Y/N.”

Wednesday. 

“I…I have to…” 

You closed your eyes — a tear ran down your cheek as your breath faltered. Your whole body trembled as you struggled to remain in silence. 

“Y/N?”  You put the cell phone away. “Are you there?”

You ended the call.

I'm still holdin' on to everything that's dead and gone

I don't wanna say goodbye 'cause this one means forever

Now you're in the stars and six-feet's never felt so far

Here I am alone between the heavens and the embers

Wednesday continued to sit alone, watching the rain fall over the cemetery while your friend returned with the camera and your guitar. She stayed silent as questions and likes popped up

on your cell phone screen. The rain mingled with her tears as your eyes finally dried. 

It was over. It was over.

The last question from your fans finally made you accept it. 

“Any new song?” Your friend read the question on the screen. You were already holding your guitar by the time she turned around to smile at you. “What is your answer, Y/N L/N?”

You started to sing. 

It was your goodbye.

Oh, it hurts so hard

For a million different reasons

You took the best of my heart

Left the rest in pieces

@tundra1029 @unknownvibesve @carolcunha7 @myfturn

[storiesofsvu]

happy thursday!

 Fuck me I missed the first couple of minutes, got too distracted cooking.. oop

Okay… would it not be SUPER random for the new lieu to just show up in the middle of the night in a crime scene? Ok, she doesn’t know, so maybe there is something weird going on. Still gonna miss kate though.

Howd they get that far into the crime scene and not know she was a prosector?

So brady’s already way more hands on than kate was, and part of me likes that and part of me doesn’t. cause I was always praising kate for being more of what an actual CO would be, trapped in the office with paperwork and bureaucracies rather than running through the field with their detectives. I do think I like brady so far but that could definitely change.  Not sure how the cops feel about that yet either LOL.

Ok well at least they gave us a reason Dixon left… would’ve been nice if we’d gotten that resolution on screen? Like give the actress a .5 second cameo??

Husband is ALWAYS the main suspect. Even if his alibi did check out (though Id still like a little twist…)

Ugh. Still hate price though.

“your girl’s got a bad attitude” bruh. Don’t come or sam, she’ll come for you worse.

Oh calm down Nolan, let your baby ada go a little feral. They all do it over on svu. Sam deserves it

God she’s so friggin pretty….

Shaw needs a bigger bullet proof vest that shit barely protects anything…

Okay so is sam like, going off to cry and not know how to deal with the rest of the case or is she about to go feral??

Well there’s still 20 mins left so maybe a twist is coming? (or at least more with sam which is what I want out of every ep lol)

Was that supposed to be an opening argument? Why was it happening at the end of the day? Im so confused, but hey whatever.

When are we gonna get a piece of Sam’s backstory that ISNT about her sister?

Okay, they EITHER need to show us some more mentor/mentee/sibling growth/relationship between sam & Nolan OR we need to get them both a side character to lean on in difficult moments. Cause rn it just seems weird and a little awkward. Like they work together every day but they never seem that *friendly* towards each other…

Welp. That ep was okay, it had potential to be better but I’ll let it slide lol. Mothership is never my favourite.

*

SVU time!

(man it is SO great to not have to sit through fucking Toronto anymore lol. Will miss OC though..)

Benson picking up the new girl? Oookay. Interesting, interesting, her dad’s a cop, nice background. Honestly I like her already MORE than I did based off just pictures.

Fins guns named after his ex wife or was that lazy writing?? OKAY GOOD! IT WAS A CALLBACK. Thank fuck cause im sick of shit getting forgotten about.

“why do I feel like the captain’s testing me?” said every rookie of the squad ever… like, youre new to the squad, of course she’s gonna keeping you on a leash/making sure you’re actually ready for svu.

I do lowkey like that we jumped into her time on the squad though, she’s already been there for 3 weeks rather than showing us when she originally met the squad, takes off some of the awkwardness/hostility that we usually see (hopefully lol)

Uuggggghhhh “campus security” COME ON. NO. we’ve learnt this already!  (plus I thought they were off campus? Could be wrong lol. I dunno what “off campus housing” technically means lol)

Who says shelly was the one to set it up??

“college is different these days” bruh… really??? Also there’s like 1000 reasons why she wouldn’t mention it, esp to cops lol.

“it possible teddy set up the camera” yeah bud, ive been saying this. Whoever was the first to move in was likely the person who did it.

Bruno looks great this season… just sayin

Okay so shelly really is the one who set up the camera??

Jfc that got out of control fucking fast

“UNY” gotta love how they have to shift specific things to fictional that are actually real things.

He downloaded the threesome and watched it at least six times before possibly heading over to murder them? Imma need a better timeline on all this. Okay, 1 am… the other dude came home at midnight to see the threesome starting. So… when were they killed? Cause this timeline aint timelining but I’ll let it slide due to lazy writing

Okay, I do really like the Silva is one of those true blood nyc-ers, especially being paired w Velasco that balances out really well for their jobs. The bit with the hammer was very old school svu, the whole “hey, that’s okay, we’ll bring you another one, a nicer one, even better I promise” would’ve only been made better if she’d turned to Velasco and said “give him a twenty for his time”. Lool.

Is there gonna be some last minute twist here…

Carisi looks fantastic in the blue suit

I cannot help but laugh on shows that aren’t R/NC rated when they have to show people having sex/doing things that they would obviously be naked for yet because it’s PG they’re all covered with a sheet. Like.. no one has a threesome like that LOL.

Carisi yells too much on the stand…

Glad that we got some nice benson/carisi bestie soft moments tonight. I miss those

Okay…so they’re trying out a new formula with introducing new cast members and I’m curious. Like, she’s already in the title card and has her own credit pic in the opening so she’s obvi here to stay for at least a season, but she was barely in the ep. We got little tidbits about her, got to see her interacting mainly with benson and Velasco, maybe I like that better than the way they normally throw someone new at us the same “day” they’re “meeting” the rest of the squad and going through that awkward rookie phase. It’s been almost a month now, she’s settled in at least a little bit, benson seems super friendly with her, she’s comfortable around benson, she’s cool with Velasco, not afraid to step on toes, but also doesn’t come across super cocky “I know more than you” kinda vibes when new characters pull something fancy out of their asses that no one else can think of kinda thing. I didn’t know how to feel about her from just promo pics cause she lowkey looks like a lost/kicked puppy in the stills but so far she’s giving good vibes.

Episode overall was okay. Not what I would’ve expected from a season premier, but I’ll take what I can get.

Feels weird to be done in 2 hours. Esp considering it’s only 8. I miss OC, mainly Bell. Also interesting that they’ve been filming just as long as the other two but they’re not going to air until next year?? I know streaming does shit differently than network but still. I’m stoked to see who gets the first “fuck” (it better be Ayanna but I’m sure it’s gonna be Elliot. Lol. Would absolutely die if it was Bernie though.)

Alright. Welp. That’s my tidbits on tonight.

Beth/Rita on next week’s OG and that’s both suuuuper fucking exciting and also makes me nervous at the same time. Here’s hoping it ends up well and I’d LOVE to see her and sam get some screen time together.

See ya then!

[aropride]

i have been deeply appreciating ur TGI posting and was wondering what ur fave songs off of it are !! - mare

HI MARE im free from academia for the day (FINALLY) so i can answer this yayayaayy

as of right now. and this is in album order And im about to list off like a good third of the album sorry in advance but: only girl living in la, dog years, letter to god 1974, letter to god 1983, darwinism, lonely is the muse, and life of the spider

first of all. only girl living in la is an INSANE way to start an album. Like i knew i was absolutely in for it seeing the track list and that we were Starting with a 6 minute long song i was like Oh she loves me specifically she knew id been tormented by songs that are 2 minutes long for too long. i dont think ive ever finished the first song on an album and been, like, scared to listen to the rest of it before (good thing)

dog years. i canteven say anything yet Like theres no words. probably one of my favorites out of my favorites

letter to god 1974 and letter to god 1983 are twins to me. (well triplets shoutout letter to god 1998 no disrespect to my girl its just the first two are my faves personally) Thank u halsey for addressing the "wanting to get really sick so people would pay attention to you" to "getting really sick and it turns out people kinda dont gaf if ur in ur 20s about it" pipeline

hometown- is anyone else trying so hard to escape their hometown or is it just me and halsey and gerard "i know im never getting out of belleville" way. also i love her voice on this one

darwinism- i was reading it as being about physical disability but apparently she said it was about neurodivergence either way is anybody else feeling ostracized from the rest of society or is it just me and halsey out here

lonely is the muse- INSANE FUCKING SONG vocally lyrically musically everything. when i found out there was gonna be a Whole Album and lonely is the muse was on it i realized i was going to die.and then i did. <3

life of the spider- i knew there was a tori amos song on the album and the one tori amos song im really familiar with is me and a gun so of course i was terrified .and i was right to be. love a song i cant listen to without having a panic attack one of my favorite genres. insanely haunting song i cant really listen to this one casually yet or possibly ever i have to like sit down and prepare. this morning i saw a spider in my bathroom and started crying. tomorrow more of the same. "favorite" not in the way where i listen to it a lot favorite in the way where i can barely listen to it at all

also one more thing i feel like in general the album is organized very well does that make sense. like the songs are in a specific order that is good and makes sense. only girl living in la -> ego -> dog years -> letter to god 1974 is an insane run of songs generally let alone first on the album but also it like. makes sense why theyre in that order. also darwinism -> lonely is the muse -> arsonist -> life of the spider i can say the same of. like yeah thats the exact order those songs should go in. this is really not a Shuffling Album to me at ALL theres a specific order they all go in and i really like that Bc half the time These Days it feels like everythings so focused on having 2 minute long songs with 15 second clips that blow up on tiktok that its always nice to have an album thats like. Ok thankgod they actually give a fuck about this and its not optimized for social media analytics

thank u for reading My essay ^___^<3 u sent this 5 hours ago when i was working on my school stuff and i waslike oh thank god i get to talk about music later. A little treat for meeee to rewind and such.And then immediately i wrote A lot of sentences but, like, for fun this time so it counts as Rewinding

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

January 15, 2023

Heather Cox Richardson

You hear sometimes that, now that we know the sordid details of the lives of some of our leading figures, America has no heroes left.

When I was writing a book about the Wounded Knee Massacre, where heroism was pretty thin on the ground, I gave that a lot of thought. And I came to believe that heroism is neither being perfect, nor doing something spectacular. In fact, it’s just the opposite: it’s regular, flawed human beings, choosing to put others before themselves, even at great cost, even if no one will ever know, even as they realize the walls might be closing in around them.

It means sitting down the night before D-Day and writing a letter praising the troops and taking all the blame for the next day’s failure upon yourself, in case things went wrong, as General Dwight D. Eisenhower did.

It means writing in your diary that you “still believe that people are really good at heart,” even while you are hiding in an attic from the men who are soon going to kill you, as Anne Frank did.

It means signing your name to the bottom of the Declaration of Independence in bold print, even though you know you are signing your own death warrant should the British capture you, as John Hancock did.

It means defending your people’s right to practice a religion you don’t share, even though you know you are becoming a dangerously visible target, as Sitting Bull did.

Sometimes it just means sitting down, even when you are told to stand up, as Rosa Parks did.

None of those people woke up one morning and said to themselves that they were about to do something heroic. It’s just that, when they had to, they did what was right.

On April 3, 1968, the night before the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated by a white supremacist, he gave a speech in support of sanitation workers in Memphis, Tennessee. Since 1966, King had tried to broaden the Civil Rights Movement for racial equality into a larger movement for economic justice. He joined the sanitation workers in Memphis, who were on strike after years of bad pay and such dangerous conditions that two men had been crushed to death in garbage compactors.

After his friend Ralph Abernathy introduced him to the crowd, King had something to say about heroes: “As I listened to Ralph Abernathy and his eloquent and generous introduction and then thought about myself, I wondered who he was talking about.”

Dr. King told the audience that, if God had let him choose any era in which to live, he would have chosen the one in which he had landed. “Now, that’s a strange statement to make,” King went on, “because the world is all messed up. The nation is sick. Trouble is in the land; confusion all around…. But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough, can you see the stars.” Dr. King said that he felt blessed to live in an era when people had finally woken up and were working together for freedom and economic justice.

He knew he was in danger as he worked for a racially and economically just America. “I don’t know what will happen now. We’ve got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn’t matter…because I’ve been to the mountaintop…. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life…. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And He’s allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I’ve looked over. And I’ve seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!”

People are wrong to say that we have no heroes left.

Just as they have always been, they are all around us, choosing to do the right thing, no matter what.

Wishing you all a day of peace for Martin Luther King Jr. Day, 2023.

—

Notes:

Dr. King’s final speech:

https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/martin-luther-kings-final-speech-ive-mountaintop-full/story?id=18872817

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

[arisherifeu]

Broken People PART I (James Wilson fanfic)

“Why do we ended up finding more broken people thinking we can fix them?”

Part II - Part III - Part IV - Part V - Part VI

Word count : 1.7k

Summary

Lynette the cardiologist had a trouble with drug abuse as she deals with a heavy painful migraine. She suspects that she’s going through a withdrawal after getting off the drugs. James comes to the rescue.

Authors note : I haven’t write in years guys. It’s shit but at least I tried.

WARNING: DRUG ABUSE‼️

The headache was killing Lynette on the inside. She was supposed to head on to work today but she decided to give Cuddy a call to let her know that she has a fever going on and that she would not be able to get to work on time. Cuddy gave a green light, but Lynette felt bad on the inside. Because she lied, she skipped her therapy session for a while now. She made a mistake by making an appointment at the hospital where she worked at. She could lose her credibility, people would question her. Its not a good reputation for someone with a great cardiologist reputation to uphold in the hospital. So she skipped, and it has gotten worst.

Truth be told, she cried into the night yesterday, she couldn’t stop bawling for whatever reason. Someone as so fragile as her can’t work in the hospital where she associates with death most of the time. But no she doesn’t lose any patients. All her patients that she treated most of the time are alive and well. Though some are in recovery. But there’s just one that she couldn’t save, and that was her dad. A doctor can’t treat a family. It would risk malpractice. It would risk her credibility, but it felt unfair if comparing to whatever House does with his patients but he always gets away with it. Along with Foreman, Cameron and Chase. They all got away with it.

She still blames herself every night but yesterday had been the boiling point and she can’t help but breaking down. She’s at the edge of her bed, her head in her hands while she leaning forward trying to hold herself together. “Iron deficiency with cephalalgia. Should eat probably..” she muttered to herself.

Suddenly the doorbell rang and it surprised Lynette, she didn’t expect any guests today. She walked over sloppily to the door, as she unlocked it. The first thing she saw was the soft brown eyes peering into hers. She was bright red looking at this surprise. Not to mention that she was only in her jogger pants and a crop T-shirt. She wasn’t fully prepared for this so she hides her tummy with her forearm but it doesn’t actually help.

“Hey..” Wilson started. “Heard that you got sick, I got you a little something to help..” he said while lifting a bag in his left hand. Lynette was still surprised but she managed to composed herself. Smiling softly at him, she invited him in while gesturing her hand and stepped to the side to give him room to walk in. She closed the door behind him as she go towards the toilet to composed herself for a while.

While she looks at herself in the mirror, her hair was disheveled and her face looked so dull so she washes her face and combed her hair nicely. She went outside to find Wilson on the couch, sitting and waiting for her. She tiredly head to the kitchen to make him a cup of tea. She hardly personally talks to Wilson at work unless if its all about work. She met some of his patients for a consult or a second opinion if it concerning the chests of a patient but other than that, she doesn’t always talk to him.

On the other hand, Wilson fidgets with his fingers. He was surprised at himself that he made it this far because he never thought he would ever do something like this. He has a crush on Lynette but never really wanting to say it because he knows House will get on his back and ream him on it. So he doesn’t confide or told anyone for 6 whole months and it was a personal record even for him. Lynette can be kind of reserved but he was worried because she has been taking pills every now and then just like House do. So when Cuddy told him that she’s not coming into work today, his worries intensified and he just had to come and see her.

Lynette walks towards the couch with the cup of tea in her right hand. She sat next to Wilson, putting the cup of tea infront of him while looking at his eyes, maybe for an answer. But she didn’t think of any reasons else other than a patient.

“Is this about a patient?” She composed herself. Wilson unconsciously eyes her, she was too skinny, with her pelvic bones literally exposed and too protruding. His worries needlessly intensified more.

“Um no, Cuddy told me you weren’t coming in so that she was trying to find another cardiologist to consult.” He stopped.

“I just got worried about you for a second..” he added. Lynette tiringly smiled. “Thank you.” She said.

Wilson awkwardly drinks the cup of tea. “Oh! This is nice. I like this. I think I had a similar taste of this years before..” he commented. “It’s just peach tea. Peace is my favourite scent and fruit.” Lynette commented. Then there was an awkward prolonged silence until Lynette reaches for the bag on the table that Wilson brought. It smelled delicious. It allured her.

“You hungry?” Wilson questions as her hands reached for the food container. Lynette smiled. “Yea I haven’t been able to eat these days, but its coming on to me now.” Lynette shyly says as she grabbed the chopsticks and pluck them. She helps herself to the Chinese food, she was impatient. Wilson looked at her adoringly. He was in love with her. He wanted to confessed but scared that she might run away considering she is a little reserved. Wilson watches as she chows down the food in her throat.

“You should go a little slower than that..” he commented. Lynette looked at him and slowed down with her chewing. After examining Wilson for a while. She knew that he isn’t here just to visit her. She puts down the food container and slowly wipes her mouth with the napkin.

“You’re not here just to visit me Wilson.” She started.

“Please, just call me James.” He looked at her with uncertainty plastered on his face.

Lynette just quietly looked at him waiting for some sort of answer before the unthinkable happened. She started to feel the food is lunging out of stomach. She quickly gets up to run to the toilet. She threw up all the content from her stomach. Wilson jumped up and ran after her, holding her hair up while she vomited the rest into the toilet. Wilson strokes her back gently. After she finished throwing up, she couldn’t get up. She was just too weak so Wilson carried her bridal style to her bedroom, pushing the bedsheets away, he put her gently onto the bed. He measures her pulses and found a thermometer on the bed table. He puts it in her mouth right under the tongue.

“Your hearts rates normal, temperature is also fine. Maybe a mild case of gastroenteritis. Do you have the meds for it? Or do you want me to prescribe you?” He asked gently. She looked at him and pointing to the drawer. He got her cue and took out what it seemed a bag full of medicines. He was looking for the right one to give it to her. “Loperamide..” he mutters quietly.

He passed her a cup of water to swallow the pill down which she gladly took. “You definitely need a lot of rest. You should tell Cuddy that you cant work for a few days.” He commented, looking at her with his puppy eyes. Lynette smiled tiringly.

“I can manage, thank you Wils— James. Thank you James. I felt better just a tiny bit. You should get going. Works calling. Your pagers been ringing a while and you didn’t even check.” Lynette worries.

“I did. Its that one annoying call from House..” he rolls his eyes. “Can I come back to check on you later, please?” He professed.

“You know you don’t have to..” she squirmed.

“I want to see you again. I want to be always to get to see you again.” He confessed. Lynette tilted her head in confusion but now its crystal clear. She slowly sat up, hating the headache again. She stood up, looking up at him. She gave him a warm hug. A hug that she needed for quite some time now. Wilson was surprised, but he smiled and hugged her even tighter. “I smelled like vomit though.” She professed. “Nothing I cant handle.” He smiles back. “I’ll come back to see you later..” he kissed her cheeks before leaving.

When Wilson closed the door behind him, he had the most giddy look on his face but he knew he had to control it because if House sees it, he will never hear the end of it.

The wild thoughts were running through Lynettes head.

Did he actually confessed that he likes me? That he wanted to see me everytime? Why didn’t I realise this before?

She thought a lot so the headache sneakily comes back after the euphoric moment that Lynette got really cranky. But she wanted herself to get sorted first so she hit the showers..feeling the euphoric energy flowed through her thinking about James that he is gonna come back to see her again. She closed her mouth with both her palms feeling giddy in the shower but pissed right afterwards that her headache gotten so much worse.

After showering, she was feeling the adrenaline rushing so she decided to clean up her house even though it was a drag trying to bear with the pain in her mind, but she needs to at least makes her house looked more presentable. She never expected that James would confessed. She didn’t see this before. It was a sign that she ignored every possibility for a love life at the hospital. It was supposed to be that way, for the sake of professionalism.

“I shouldn’t get my hopes up or anything. I should just let this go through the flow..” she calmed herself down after cleaning. A while later she continue to finish the food that James brought over.

A knock was heard from across the room. Lynette panicked, and that triggers the sudden migraine to come back. Its getting so bad lately that she contemplates to try taking the pills again but she promised herself that she wont be a drug user. She went to get the door with smile all over the face that slowly faded. She had another surprise guest coming in.

“House?”

[suboobia]

i realize the last four or five years have been an absolute nightmare for everyone in regards of global events, conflicts and general life. but my personal life for about a year now has felt like i am trapped in this nightmare bubble, and am not too sure how i am able to get out of that lately. i say lately because i think it's catching up to my family in the sense a lot of depression and sadness looms over us. it sucks so much. it hurts. i have the weight of the world and life sitting right on my shoulders, and it's affecting me both mentally and physically. it's been causing me sudden medical issues, and they're a little bit scary. which, obviously, leads me further down the road of stress and anxiety and i'm not sure where the end of the tunnel is right now.. this all sounds vague and scary. because it is. i don't know who i am right now or what is going on in, i just know it's been a painful time for me. for everyone around me. it's hard watching my family go through things, being a deeply empathetic person who takes everything to heard, really takes a toll on a person.

i have doctors appointments soon, and while i'm ready to get to the bottom of this sudden onslaught of medical issues, i also don't wanna know at all either. especially considering the last year has involved nothing but a lot of medical nightmares with my step dad. he's very sick right now with stage iv lung cancer, has been on treatments for months now, and we aren't sure if there's ever going to be an end to that either. as you can see, this is why life has taken an absolute toll on me and stirred up some issues within myself. because of course it did. life has a weird way of doing that... once one domino falls, the rest of the pieces keep falling with it. things always spiral all at once. i know it's apart of life, apart of being human, we go through things, but we get back up on the other side. but i'm honestly terrified. i wish the universe would stop the dominoes from toppling down endlessly.

perhaps i could just not be vague about what's happening to me. it all started about a week ago, i started my period, and then things kind of spiraled out of control from there i guess. maybe not because of my period, but i have persistent diarrhea and unable to pass a lot of gas, having bowel issues. passing mucus (maybe?) and stomach aches. not feeling well. low appetite. etc. i have fallen into so many rabbit holes at this point, and i am so fucking scared it's something scary. i have barely slept. just feel like crying. in fact, i've been crying a lot, feeling extra sensitive about everything and stressed as hell. i just am at a loss. i know some other family members have felt the same way, too, and it makes me feel even worse because like i said i have a lot of empathy.

i won't know anything until my appointment next friday, so guess i'll just be sitting here spiraling into endless pits of dispair.