#ive also never been the surface that activated it

[edenisme]

Going through my splatfest videos, this nearly gave me a heart attack when it happened in match

[toxycodone]

❥ facesitting. (laios touden x reader)

rating. nsfw.

content. facesitting (reader on laios), fingering, a little ass play. reader has a vagina but no gender specific terms are used.

word count. 1.4k

an. this is not proofread *silly anime girl pose* enjoy it nonetheless. ive been asked a TON for Laios and facesitting so. this is for all y'all out there. also im trying something new...reader has no specific dialogue (for the sake of being more immersive), so let me know how that works for your experience reading!

Laios is hungry. Starving. Absolutely famished. There’s only one food that can quell his longing, and by the grace of whatever deity favors his unworthy self, the object of his desire lays a few mere inches from his mouth.

Your knees rest on either side of Laios’s head, digging divots in the mattress. Each passing second, you can feel warm breath pass over the space between your thighs, causing you to shiver. You’ve spent enough time dry humping this lovely slab of a man, he owes you a proper orgasm after wasting himself inside his briefs. You position yourself a bit more comfortably on the man, lowering yourself onto him.

Faced with the view between your inner thighs…Laios can’t help but lick his lips. The soft flesh before him is covered in a coating of curly fur. Shiny wetness between them highlights your slit, its surface causes him to reminisce of the slimes he’s encountered in the dungeon. He reaches out to scoop a bit onto his index finger and smears it between his thumb so he can admire the way it coats his fingers and stretches between them. The sight before him never fails to make Laios’s jaw slack open. It’s gorgeous. You’re gorgeous.

For once in his life, Laios knows better than to say something out loud. But you remind him of his most favorite thing in the best way possible— a monster. And you’re his beloved specimen by far. The appearance changes to your discretion. The flavor always unalike what it was once before. He’s always itching to get a taste. The hunger inside him never dissipates when it comes to you.

He leans forward and gives a tentative lick, due to a blend of nerves and excitement. The gentle sigh you heave out makes him smile.

You always have a unique taste. Laios would describe it as tangy, but with certain undertones that make it more of an umami flavor—no, experience. He wonders what you’ve eaten today. Must’ve been something out of the ordinary. Your flavor is a bit more pervasive than usual. He’ll have to get another taste. And another. Mulling it over bit by bit seems to occupy his mind.

You feel his tongue lick a stripe up you, the tip just barely parting your slit. You whine a bit, pushing yourself further into his face. Laios doesn’t mean to tease, you’re aware of that. He always has to take his time to savor you. But you’re growing impatient. You don’t want him to wait—you want him to devour. Show your slit the same lack of discretion he does with the variety of questionable dishes he adores making.

Thankfully, he seems to get the message. Laios hoists his arms over your hips, pressing his warm lips to the expanse of your inner thighs and groin as he starts to sink your weight down onto his jaw. The apex of his broad nose rests against your clit as he takes a deep inhale of your scent, and you can see him roll his eyes back when he does. He swears it drives him mad, and in an entirely biological sense it does. (He’s given you quite the information session on the pheromones your body produces and how it activates his senses on a hormonal and physical level.)

“You smell so good…” He mumbles. He’s not lying. There’s a line a drool streaming from his lips.

Warm, moist breath coats your skin as he sighs out a pleasured exhale. Now, his tongue ventures out his mouth with purpose. It slowly trails your insides as he maps out the part of your body he’s come to love so much. Instinctively, you twitch against him, your noises cutting the silence of the room—save for Laios’s deep breaths and pounding heart.

The way his tongue feels against you is always a delightful experience. It’s soft and warm…you think if you concentrate you can feel each one of his tastebuds as he attempts so sap you of as much of your taste into his mouth. Laios isn’t shy in the slightest as he licks between your labia and up to your clit, giving the bundle of nerves a slight suck and grinding the underside against the flat of his tongue before moving back down again just to repeat the motion. He eats you like a man starved, but with enough tact to showcase he’s not doing it just for you—but for himself as well. It's almost selfish, in a way. Eating you out is an extreme turn on for him.

Tasting you is like having a bite of his favorite dish. He wants more. Needs more. Thick, calloused thumbs move to open your lips apart. He has to taste everything you have to offer. The cool feeling of Laios’s sharp exhale makes you shiver with anticipation.

Ever the experienced eater, Laios applies the same tactics he used eating the Living Armor a while ago onto your clit. As much as he loves exploring and flicking his tongue over ever part of you, he knows it’s important he focuses attention on that nub especially. He’s sure to lavish it with attention in between his ventures down to gather your slick into his mouth, swallowing it with a pleased groan as you tremble before him. One of his thumbs impales your hole, followed by another, as he stretches you out ever so slowly. The sight of you so open before him makes Laios swallow audibly.

“You taste even better than you smell.” Laios’s voice is gravelly. You’d swear he’d been hypnotized. “I just—.” There’s an audible shudder in his tone as he whines. “Love you…”

His brows furrow in concentration as he pulls you flush against him. You’ve always been a bit hesitant to put your full weight on him, which makes Laios roll his eyes internally. He’d gladly let you break his neck and then some if it means you’ll grind against his face like an animal in heat while he laps up your juices. His thumbs leave you, now being replaced by his warm tongue diving in your hole. He rocks you against his face as you’re fucked thoroughly on his appendage, your clit bumping the point of his nose every now and then. It’s a phenomenal feeling. Your walls flutter and clench around him as your orgasm starts to build.

Laios lifts you for just a moment to catch his breath, but also gather some slick onto his wet thumb and spread it along your asshole. He lowers you back down again, not before rimming the surface of your ass to spread a plethora of wetness, then lets the tip of his thumb glide over the muscle and gently penetrate you from behind as well. He’s sure not to go too deep, just enough to add a little bit more your experience. If he could eat your ass and pussy at the same time, he’d more than gladly do it. The rhythm he fucks you on his face matches the pathetic way he humps the air. Despite being spent already, he can’t help but do so.

Not much time passes before you start to feel close—that all too familiar feeling of warmth spreading from the base of your spine to your groin. Your brows furrow as you catch your lip between your teeth. As if on instinct, your thighs start to slowly begin to encase Laios’s head as your breathing starts to become labored. You’re almost there. Right on the edge. Laios can tell from your body language. He hums in delight as you shudder, now grinding yourself on his face and rubbing your clit against his nose as your orgasm starts to rear its head.

One of his hands stalls you for just enough time to allow Laios to catch your clit in between his lips. He lets the flat of his tongue stroke the underside of it before beginning to suck at at—and that’s what does it. You come undone with a cry of his name onto his face, noises of pleasure and curses spilling out your mouth as you do so. Laios happily licks at you as you do so, coaxing you through your orgasm. You have to physically remove yourself from Laios’s face as the pleasure becomes too overstimulating. If you didn’t, Laios would keep going until you’re numb.

As you flop over onto the sheets, Laios quickly moves over to kiss you. You can taste yourself on his tongue—that same distinct flavor he’s obsessed with. You’re not sure why he’s infatuated with it. But you let him have it. There’s plenty weirder things he could be tasting—or honestly, has tasted. At least you can be sure you’re definitely number one in his culinary experience.

[wizardsix]

ok... so I have finally finished veilguard after about 90 painful hours (two playthroughs). im not gonna write an actual review about all of my detailed thoughts bc it'll actually take days, this is just to at least get my general thoughts out and see if anyone else feels the same or if ive actually lost it.

overall it is the weakest dragon age game story-wise, and I'd give it a nice lukewarm 4/10.

(i wrote this post right after I finished the game on the weekend so maybe I sound a bit harsh, I tried to edit it to be more reasonable lol but I didn't really want to delete this since I do still stand by a lot of this)

I really tried to go in with an open mind, bc I always want to experience media in full before making any kind of judgement, but about a few hours in I had this horrible feeling that once again this was another soulless, rushed game, and I still don't feel any different after finishing the game.

what stuck out to me was that there's no sense of urgency despite what the plot is, serious topics are not treated with care as the writing overall is shallow, and the gods as well as any other enemy you encounter are just cartoon villains (and apparently the lore retconning, but I'm not well-versed enough to dissect that so I won't).

I can't take this plot seriously when it feels so disjointed and forced and lazy. and I see no point in caring about anything when choices literally don't matter. no say in who you recruit, no say in the relationships with them and they have almost no awareness of rook, definitely doesn't matter if you have allies or not bc they show up anyway, and only four companions are locked into unavoidable decisions where one of them bites the dust no matter what (which is strange bc why are harding and davrin forced to die no matter if they're at hero status while bellara and neve can literally survive blight if they're at hero status), so it's impossible to try to strategize for better (or worse) outcomes with all the people you've gathered when there's only one right answer that the game pretty much tells you instead of letting you think for yourself (and side note this game does an incredible amount of hand holding). the game actively tries to trick you into thinking your choices matter with the onscreen notifications, but nothing matters bc the devs clearly had only one story in mind and for some reason lied that it had "complex choices".

also rook in general wasn't interesting as a protagonist bc they were written to be perfect. they always know what to say and are so supportive of everyone. they never struggle with anything. not even with leadership beyond "man leading a team is hard :/" but it doesn't actually show how hard it is by having actual volatile conflict between the companions* or showing how their plans sometimes fail. which, if we actually had choices that mattered, would have helped develop that struggle. also? what's with everyone being so friendly? I'm not gonna get into that but everyone is so eerily nice and it's been said a lot but yeah, the world is extremely sanitized and devoid of any real conflict aside from the gods I guess.

*(like off the top of my head cassandra fighting with varric and accusing him of not being on their side or how the inquisitor can literally punch dorian and solas if approval is low enough or fenris and anders bordering on killing each other is not the same as lucanis and davrin distrusting each other or people being uncomfortable with emmrich's necromancy. it just scratches the surface of conflict and never goes anywhere)

and let me say real quick again, there's nothing wrong if they wanted to make a more rigid story about being a hero. it's been done a million times and it can be executed well, but if you do that you need to make sure you 1) don't lie to people and 2) actually flesh out your (especially main) characters and plot to give people a reason to care. look at dragon age 2. hawke is a fixed protagonist with their own life front and center. they ultimately only have two choices (siding with mages or templars), but it works bc the game took time to build up the conflict straight from act 1 so by the time chaos happens in act 2 and 3 you understand why bc it's Been brewing the whole time. it just makes sense. the villains as well have sound reasons and feel real instead of being evil just bc. the story is more grounded, yet you have choices. you decide if hawke ends up alone or not. you decide how they approach situations with force or diplomacy. there's none of that in veilguard. a game that supposedly took 10 years to make. when dragon age 2 took almost 16 months (yes I know da2 also has problems like the fact that the templars are always proven right but this isn't the place to dissect that).

I want to be fair though and I do want to restate what I enjoyed about the game. the cc (though would it kill them to have more variety in face textures like age and body types beyond average.. also no colour wheel... especially since they claimed their cc was so good), the map progression/visuals/exploration (how certain places become more blighted overtime), the factions (though I feel there should have been more content for your faction, and helping them or not should have mattered more), the combat (did not feel like a slog, pretty fun and mindless), the companions (bellara, davrin, emmrich, harding, and lucanis had solid personalities and stories despite my complaints. neve was not memorable and I just feel sad for taash's bad writing), certain parts of the story were good, the intro and the point of no return sequences were solid, and the ending didn't feel rushed or boring compared to inquisition. and yes, I do appreciate that rook can be trans, I just think a little more subtly and care would've been nice.

another thing I did like and predicted was that varric died at the beginning of veilguard, and for a second I actually enjoyed that because i thought we were finally (a bit too late tho) getting some depth to rook and their own struggles of accepting his death and carrying this weight without him. and while I do think maybe they should've taken more time to establish the mentor/mentee relationship so we really feel rooks regret, I still think it was at least the right direction where in their grief they still see him, giving advice and narrating their journey.....but then it turned out to just be solas manipulating them the whole time, immediately destroying any emotional weight this reveal had.

whenever bioware has good ideas they shoot themselves in the foot and make it about solas. it's like nothing in the world exists without solas being involved somehow, and that is just incredibly boring and uninspired to me. not to mention solas just being an insufferable ass the whole time, which is fine, but it's not even in a compelling way like he used to be. he became so ugly by the end and the fact that the devs consider redeeming him the "good ending" and not giving him what he deserves is very telling and once again shows their own bias is king over good storytelling (solas' feelings should not come into play here, whether you/your companions live or die should determine good/bad ending since solas is trapped no matter what, only difference is who is trapped with him. idk but I personally think different endings actually means different outcomes). i will not go into the bs of the secret post credit scene, bc frankly I'm fed up with bioware's shitty writing and I won't be playing their next world ending space aliens game (unless they miraculously pull a good story out of their ass but lbr).

overall the bad outweighs the good for me. it's fun to play as a game, it's a decent fantasy game, but the story just doesn't do anything for me. sometimes I wonder if dreadwolf was a completely different game and was scrapped for veilguard last minute. maybe this was yet another inevitable industry fuck up and maybe there was a good story planned at one point. idk. all I know is bioware lied. respect and credit to the poor devs and writers who actually cared and to those who were kicked from the project, but in the end bioware promised too much and delivered too little.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

I’ve been spending the past like hour looking at your page I love it sm! I have some questions :3 1. Does Rosie have a design in your au yet? I’d love to see her being actually super scary- 2. Do velvette and vox know how Val treats angel? 3. Where is angel’s brother. Just what is he doing in hell.

Just for you anon I have drawn Rosie incredibly quickly and she kind of looks like garbage but ive never drawn her before im so sorry

For any issues in this (a few I can already spot) I will be fixing when I work on her full body design 🙏 I like her original smile and hollow eyes but honestly sunken in eyes that are barely visible are a lot scarier to be so she gets that. Ive also considered making her blind but we’ll see if I go through with that (I would love to design her a really fancy white cane though… something with that umbrella it does things to me..)

As for Vox and Velvette, I don’t think Velvette is anywhere near as aware as Vox is. The majority of her knowledge is some horrible things have probably happened but she’s never seen it or explicitly gotten any confirmation her suspicions are true so she refrains from prying into it because it’s “not her problem” and finding out would make things more complicated for her image and work, though she absolutely does hat Valentino and is 100% okay with killing him and has discussed kicking him out with Vox multiple times, however they have yet to settle on this.

Vox is definitely aware of what Valentino does but doesn’t actively engage himself in it aside from very sparse talks with Angel on set that usually involves Angel becoming irritable or jittery in Vox’s presence. Vox does detest Valentino’s behaviour and treatment of Angel and will frequently roll his eyes at the mention of Angel since in his mind “its always something with him” and by now any complaints Valentino has about Angel get filtered out after so many years of hearing the most mundane things Valentino is upset about. (ie. Angel moving even though he didn’t live with Valentino to begin with) Even though he heavily disapproves of what Valentino does he still turns a blind eye to it and leaves Angel with little to no help, only ever giving him a few words of advice or a brief warning if Valentino is in a bad mood that day.

Velvette is also unaware of Vox and Valentino’s actual situation as well as basically everyone else. On the surface they come off as “friends with benefits” however Vox is in a (very loosely) similar situation to Angel. Valentino will make similar threats and statements to Vox as he does Angel and currently, Vox doesn’t realise that Valentino is exploiting him. As of now, he hasn’t processed “I don’t actually want to be doing this” or “I am uncomfortable in this situation”. He is still suffering the effects of an abusive work relationship since Valentino does still hit and yell at him, he just hasn’t processed the sexual aspect of what they do was pushed onto him unnaturally rather than him consenting to it openly. Hopefully this makes sense? If it doesn’t feel free to DM me about it or send in another ask and I can clarify more

Angel’s brother currently is still in the mafia and is mingling with crime as usual, however a decent few years ago he ended up gambling away +65% of the families earnings at Husk’s casino back when he was an overlord and ended getting himself stripped of all respect and ranking and is currently attempting to repay his family and work his way back up while trying not to get killed. He is also vaguely homophobic still but has become more tolerant of it after being around and meeting more people. He definitely doesn’t think its “natural” but he knows when to keep his mouth shut and will probably understand more about it someday. Not anytime soon though. He also hasn’t seen Angel for around 8-10 years now and by seen I really just mean yelled at him from across the street and then got a brick thrown at him probably

[hms-no-fun]

i just want you to know that i read... i think Most of godfeels and had to stop because i was not enjoying it. but i think its really good and i really respect what you do. i think it's all too easy for people to mix up "this is not my cup of tea" with "this is bad and/or problematic". they dont take the time to see the artistry in it, why it is what it is, what it might be saying beyond their surface level read and the kneejerk reaction to it.

i also wanted to note that ive always been kind of scared of sharing fanworks for fear of writing "out of character" - and ive also even been afraid of it in original works. character isn't real and concrete, so anyone can decide something's out of character. so your exploration of that concept gives me more confidence as a writer. i really appreciate that and everything else you do. :)

thank you so much for this message! i'm glad you tapped out rather than force your way through something you weren't enjoying, that's a very mature response and something i wish more folks would recognize as a perfectly valid option. in fact i think pushing through and reading long after you've given up on the material, so to speak, is a great way to wind up angry at a writer for having "forced" you to endure such a trying experience. as i've said before, an author can't force you to do anything. you can close the book any time you like.

as far as the tension of "in character/out of character" goes, i think a lot of people in fandom struggle with the fact that "character" is very much in the eye of the beholder. sub-groups form within fandoms based on identities, politics, sexual predilections, etc, and typically gather around the fire that is their particular interpretation of a character. but from within that sub-group, it's rarely considered "an interpretation" so much as the obvious intended truth of the text. it's that intoxicating mood of finding people who share a perspective you rarely see elsewhere, like oh my god, you GET it, finally someone GETS it!

in homestuck fandom, for instance, quite a lot of people hate vriska and think she sucks, with a vocal sub-group of that sub-group still actively beating the drum that everything about her arc after [S] Game Over is the worst part of homestuck. but i love vriska, and my corner of the fandom very much organized around a full-throated defense of her. some folks think homestuck did tavros and gamzee dirty and that this is a fatal flaw in the text; when i countenance these people, i am convinced we read two very different comics. who's right and who's wrong? there are degrees. i can pull out any number of quotes from andrew hussie about the importance of vriska and the weenieness of tavros, but then, authors love to say things, and there's plenty of stories i love in ways that directly oppose to the authors' stated intent. the debate can never end because we are only ever talking about the version of a character or story that exists in our heads, based on the things that stuck with us when we read the thing (however long ago that was-- which is important because i find a LOT of people adamantly defending their headcanons haven't read the source text in a number of years. as time passes, your perception of the media you've experienced in the past morphs and distorts. someone who was right five years ago can be wrong today and not even notice the difference).

something i've realized in the last year is how much godfeels emerged from a very specific milieu, not just in terms of how we interpreted certain characters but in our approach to analyzing and talking about the text altogether. i believe most of the important stuff in godfeels is "in character" in most of the ways that matter, but it's built on a very specific meta that centered vrisrezi and transness and radical leftist politics and experimental hypertext. really, it's a post-Epilogues fanwork even despite the fact that godfeels 1 predates their release by a few weeks. and i think to this day a lot of homestuck fans haven't read the epilogues but have read fandom posts about how terrible they are (quite a lot of which will have either been written by teens, by people who already didn't like homestuck very much, or by one of the regressive stalkery weirdos prominent in the homestuck reddit/discord), and that misapprehension keeps them in the dark about just how many amazing tools the epilogues introduce to the homestuck formula that exponentially expand the expressive possibilities of attentive fanworks. and it of course elides the fact that the homestuck epilogues are a story about being in your 30s. i think we'll be getting a big re-appraisal of the epilogues in 5-10 years. it'll be the "twin peaks: fire walk with me" of homestuck, just you wait.

so these readers see my version of dirk being an unhinged murderous dick to a newly-out trans woman and go "he would never do that." then if i point at the epilogues, they'll say "i didn't read them/they're not even canon/that wasn't in character either." at which point there's nothing really to say, because we have two completely different perceptions of the text. who's right and who's wrong is almost always infinitely subjective, a circumstance that humans are notable for being very good at handling in a mature and politely discursive manner.

so i've got an "author's introduction" to godfeels baking in my docs to provide some context about the meta this story is built on, the milieu it came out of, that sort of thing. it won't make much of a difference in practical terms, but it'll at least be something i can point to.

in any event, thanks for this message. all i ever want is for people to give it an honest shot. i hope you can continue harvesting confidence from wherever it can be found. it takes a lot of audacity and backbone to be an artist, especially when you have something worthwhile to say. remember that you're not writing for the haters, you're writing for the kind of person, like you, who wants to see more stories like the thing you're writing. they're the ones who'll get it, they're the ones who'll stick around long after the haters have lost interest.

[nyxi-pixie]

me when im supposed to be studying but instead im thinking abt mori and dazai again

let me go absolutely insane for a second (not a second. this is so long. i just checked mfer its over 2000 words. i need to be sedated. imprisoned. restrained. examined. smthn)

'a young man with a death wish once came to me and i wanted to rescue him but i couldnt' and like yeah. beast mori couldnt rescue him. but to a certain extent, canon mori sort of has (touch wood for long term but as it is, dazai is so much less intent on dying than he was in dark era).

and it just. i always wonder about the actual intentions of the mimic situation. because on the surface, it looks like what dazai calls it, then deeper than that, it looks like a very calculated long term strategy, and deeper than that, its just. kinda sad.

i just think its interesting that he plans the mimic thing the way he does knowing dazai will leave despite the fact that he doesnt want him to. and dazai himself reasons this as mori being afraid of him, that mori doesnt want dazai to kill him the way mori killed the old boss. but thats? not true? mori seems unbothered at worst and downright proud at best when he tells oda that dazai will probably kill him one day.

so. Why. did he do it knowing dazai would leave? it wasnt his only option; he could have set skk on mimic. like 5 second future vision isnt gonna do much when the danger is alr there (as oda says). and in the face of a massive black hole coming right at u or a building being dropped on you, five seconds really isnt gonna do much. so mimic cld have been removed without a casualty and the mafia could still have got the permit, and not lost dazai. (who is Objectively an asset to the organisation.) But thats not how it happens. Mori plans it exactly as he does knowing oda will die and dazai will leave. he also then makes it continually obvious that dazai would be welcomed back.

and ive been trying to think of other reasons for it, but across canon and insight from beast mori the only thing i can think of comes back to the fact that mori wants dazai alive. alive and aware that the pm is the best place for him, but alive more than anything else.

i think he wants dazai as his heir bc he knows dazai is enough like him to manage it, but i wonder if it also comes back to the fact that mori is trying to rescue him, and i imagine his own reason to live (and lord knows he suggests he needs a strong one in fifteen) is probably tied down to legacy and responsibility for the city. mori devotes his life to the mafia because he wants peace and appreciates that control (rather than eradication) of the worst of yokohama is the way to keep that peace. and thats enough of a reason to live for him. but it isnt for dazai.

dazai doesnt give a fuck about the mafia as a concept bc his motivations dont rest on ideals the way moris do. dazai only ever does anything because of the people he cares about. everything we see him do, EVEN in pm era where people claim he was some emotionless rockman, come back to his friends.

its why hes never at the centre of the plot. he cant be, because he never does anything for himself. fifteen, in which he is a titular character, is a plot that rests vastly on chuuyas back story. dazais original motivation prior to meeting him is just to khs, and only upon meeting chuuya and them having their whole weird Thing and dazai deciding to be an obsessive freak, does he actually have personal stakes in the job. then in stormbringer, its all abt chuuya again, and dazai is only involved bc he cares about him (whatever he actually says aside). tdipud is driven by odas storyline, and so is dark era. dazai is only active in them bc he cares abt oda.

even when he has more idealistic motivations come canon era, they come back to the fact that hes doing it for oda. anything Above And Beyond that promise is bc hes acting to save the agency, who are his Friends. his motivations are deeply personal in complete contrast to moris, and it is perhaps the only place they really differ.

now ironically, it seems to be that the only decisions mori makes influenced by personal feelings are because of dazai. which takes me to the fact that i think he let dazai leave because he recognises thats whats best for him (at least in the short term - and we'll get to That in a second). and its not really a loss for the organisation because dazais too practical to ever dismiss the mafia, and he still gut responds with their methods. so its an easy sacrifice, a justifiable one.

then theres the contrast with the kouyou&kyouka thing. kouyou doesnt want kyouka to taste the light only to have it sour on her tongue when she realises she cant actually have it because of what she is. because kouyou believes anyone tainted by darkness the way they are can never be free of it. (because she couldnt get out herself).

i wouldnt be surprised if mori thinks the same way, certainly in regards to someone like dazai who Is naturally built for the mafia in a way kyouka really isnt. mori at least believes dazais blood is mafia black and whether or not this is true is irrelevant. he Does have to actively fight his impulses in order to do the Right Thing even now. And even doing that, he still falls into their methods when its practical, or when he's paranoid or unsettled enough to need the comfort of habit, hence the way he treats aku even four years removed from the mafia. hence the way he treats atsushi immediately after Q appears (the way he so instantly latches onto his older self literally slapping the self pity he detests in himself and in his former kouhai out of his current one). hence the way the parallels to mori spring up most when dazai has just been shaken by something.

so i wonder if mori let dazai walk into the light knowing (or believing) he wouldnt fit there, and would come back with a stronger commitment to the mafia as a whole because it may be a concept of sorts, but its one that embraces him in a way the light doesnt, and while dazai does things for the people He cares about, its a mutual thing - he feels responsibility for the people that care about Him too (which probably ties in to the desire for a quiet suicide without bothering anyone, and also to the disgust he has w the sheep - because it Isnt a mutual exchange there).

i think it was always intended as a temporary thing (five years away from the mafia maybe. the 'five years' right before dazai comes to take moris place). give him a taste of the light and let him come to his own conclusion that he doesnt belong there, and eventually turn back to the mafia where he does belong.

(despite suggestions that dazai Doesnt really belong there - smthn smthn cat/dog symbolism - though people suggest this implies he belongs w the ada and i dont think thats true either esp given the way hes omitted from the group so often. i think the cat symbolism w dazai likens him more to natsume than atsushi&fukuzawa esp given the way theyre shown tgthr so often. dazai doesnt belong to any organisation or rigid group, he just fits in line w whoever he cares abt and wherever he decides hes content to stay. v much like a cat actually.).

anyway, moris idea seems to be that dazai wld realise the mafia is somewhere he is cared for, and he cares for the people within it in return. though it doesnt seem to have really turned out that way (maybe mori j underestimated the power of the ada's one specialty: forced integration into its found family. lmao)

so you could see it from a practical perspective: mori sending dazai out to show him he really belongs w the mafia and shld come back to them when the time is right, thus mori secures his legacy by leaving the pm to dazai and the mafia is led forward by someone who could handle it the way mori has.

but. hes never pushy abt dazai coming back. hes downright polite abt it (contrasting to the way he treats yosano), and he puts an awful lot of effort into saving dazais life. (kinda funny that he sends chuuya to pick dazais ass up every five seconds with no reward for either of them - chuuya post dead apple literally asks and moris just like ? uh the safety of the city?? bragging rights😁👍? - but when he sends chuuya to save the agency as a whole the price is Heavy like. exchange of a member is crazyyy.)

dazai is always very much considered One Of Their Own. his seat is still empty waiting for him to come back, he and mori post guild are Always cooperating (despite the kinda petty way dazai talks to him during the reunion - the whole 'i burnt the coat' thing - its almost childish, spiteful in a way that speaks to personal hurt that undermines any control he might have had of their kind of distant passive aggressive exchange. but. im too insane abt that interaction that my interpretation cld be entirely bs.)

they communicate through this ridiculous game of chess, and rely on each other to keep both their organisations afloat. when anyone else from the ada tries to pull the same thing, mori pulls out contracts for their damn souls but when its dazai hes just like ? oh ur bf needs to save you again? of course i can spare him to go pick you up from european prison yeah not a problem! ill even glue his vampire cosplay teeth in!!

in connection with that, even with dazais commitment to Doing The Right Thing, he does not do it in the right way. hes perfectly content to use mori-typical underhanded methods to get the ada to the right place. he sends aku To His Death Knowingly for the sake of saving atsushi and by extension the rest of the agency (and he may have known that the vampirism wld sorta bring him back?? but he still sends him to die), and its sorta similar to mori sending aku out to deal with hawthorne and mitchell while hes in rlly bad shape.

anyway dazais methods always make me think of that cunty exchange sskk have in dead apple 'thats not the way we do things in the detective agency' 'was that a bad joke😘 ur too much weretiger🌈✨💖'. but like. dazai Doesnt work the way the ada does. at least not when things get tense enough to drive him back to habit.

i think people like to interpret dazai as being a better person now, and i think in some ways he is. because hes always influenced by the people hes around most. but also, his motivations havent really changed from pm era. he still does what he does for his friends, they just happen to be on the right side now.

anyway. mori puts more work into keeping dazai alive than any other character (bar perhaps chuuya - but thats because mori saving dazai runs hand in hand with chuuya doing it given hes the one sending him) which is. aurgh.

mori and the wish to save people is just interesting in general. the fact that he became a doctor in the first place is telling on its own plus the unhinged way he deals with yosano - of course someone obsessed with saving people would want a cheat card for sending Death packing - but maybe i could believe it was just a power thing, more to his sense of control. playing with life and death so that he can play god. and i think that probably is just a little bit part of it, esp during the war.

but theres also the way he treats doctors within the pm (sb calls it respect for his former position but it may also be knowledge that the better treated they are the more people they will save). And the only reason he works w the tripartite agreement is bc he loves yokohama, wants its people, including its underground, alive and all that (honestly it probably links back to war stuff - hes really intent on peace).

so hes already someone that is intent on saving people (and beast mori makes this obvious w the way he treats atsushi) but theres a personal edge to it w dazai, possibly bc dazai is so much like him, and asgr is kind of obsessed w the saving your mirrors bc you cldnt save yourself thing (sskk. atsushi&lucy. chuuya with his clone. beast akutagawa siblings. beast atsushi&kyouka. i could continue).

im frothing at the mouth but basically, mori does everything for practical reasons in line with his ideals, his grand vision for the PM, but that doesnt mean he isnt making any emotionally charged decisions. its just that theyre always justified by their practical outcomes. (Especially where dazai is concerned). so he can pretend that theyre not driven by personal feelings but IM WATCHING U MORI U CANT HIDE FROM ME.

yk i sometimes wonder if i see him too sympathetically for a guy thats as so sucks as he is but someone has to counterbalance the 75% of the fandom that thinks hes pure evil for no reason and has no thoughts outside of Being Terrible so. here you go have this from the depths of my brain.

[russetfoxfur]

alright these are subject to change but ive been getting into headcanons abt the minecraft default skins. not just alex and steve tho im talking bout our underrepresented underappreciated newer defs. under the cut are my headcanoned backstories abt them based off mostly vibes (T-T minecraft plsss you couldve given THEM a story instead of these new fuckin characters in the minecraft movie. pls im begging you)

Efe—a piglin hybrid. They/them. Fighter/builder. They were raised in the Nether as a Brute and journeyed to the Overworld, where they were picked up by Steve and Alex after besting Steve in combat. Infatuated with the water because there’s no water in the Nether—has learned to swim and loves to relax by a lake or ocean. The best fighter of the defs, rivaling Alex in terms of combat, and enjoys learning new combat techniques—loved experimenting with the mace. Builds interiors, something the rest of the defs tend to neglect. In a relationship with Makena and Ari.

Makena—a bee hybrid. Xe/her. Farmer/builder. Xe was part of a Hive before she left to see more of the outside world. She loves gardening and farming and has a green thumb; loves to be helpful and tries her best to better nature in any way she can. Xe’s also very good with agriculture and farming. Loves mobs and the creatures of the world and tends to have five dogs and cats each at minimum. Loves landscaping and creating natural-looking builds; usually calls in Noor or Efe to help her with details. In a relationship with Efe and Ari.

Ari—a fox hybrid. She/her. Redstoner/magic-user. She grew up in a small taiga village and first discovered magic through the local brewery. She was apprenticed to a cleric, but, on an expedition to gather mushrooms for a spell, found Noor and took him in. She resigned from apprenticeship and began to travel the world with him before finding the defs and settling down. She’s very outspoken about her beliefs and hates authority figures with a passion. Very good with enchantments, brewing, and other magical activities. Can hold her own in redstoning due to her cleric apprenticeship. In a relationship with Efe and Makena.

Sunny—a cow hybrid. He/him. Crafter/blacksmith. He grew up as a leatherworker apprentice in a small, cozy village—but, after a zombie chewed off his arm, he abandoned that career to become a blacksmith. He made his own arm and got into redstone to keep his arm maintained—but left his village at the urging of Kai to explore the world. He settled down with her after finding the other defs, and enjoys a plainer life. He’s best at formulating plans and, while he's not utterly useless at it, prefers to let others do the fighting. Mostly makes simple, practical contraptions to ease his quality of life. Also loves fishing. Aroace.

Noor—a frog hybrid. Ze/zem. Culinarist and builder. Ze grew up in the sunny mangrove forests and led a relaxed, easy life, but one day ze returned to find illagers chopping down zir forest. Ze fled and ended up in Ari's village, where ze was taken in and apprenticed as a farmer. Ze and Ari left the village to get revenge on the villagers, and, though ze's settled down with the other defs, ze's never forgotten zir vengeance. Likes the methodical tasks of farming and cooking, and enjoys decorating larger builds. Gay, currently open.

Kai—a breeze hybrid. She/he. Dabbler—leans redstoner/prankster. She’s always lived a relatively mundane life, even though she accidentally spawned in a village instead of the Trial Chamber beneath it and became a villager-breeze, but, after a zombie attack put her village in peril, fled with Sunny and never looked back. He likes accomplishing the most insane achievements he can think of, and loves dragging Sunny into his shenanigans. Bi, currently open.

Zuri—a bat hybrid. He/him. Redstoner/noteblock artist. He grew up in the lush caves, living off glowberries and azalea buds, but, when Alex and Steve explored his cave, he followed them to the surface and moved in with them. He is also pretty bad at fighting, preferring to use redstone to make his life easier. He loves music and redstone, and has the largest store of music discs ever. He loves making his own music and creating cool redstone contraptions. Autistic. Gay-ace, has a crush on Noor.

Alex—a human. She/her. Fighter/builder. The second human ever, created to destroy Herobrine. She chased him away from the burgeoning Minecraft servers and settled down on one. She is undefeated in combat and is otherwise very intelligent. She is also rather friendly and casual, and wants to uphold the peace of the Overworld. Good at creating practical, lived-in builds, grounded in what she knows. Aroace.

Steve—a human. They/them. Miner/builder. The third human ever, Steve was spawned as a test to make sure that Herobrine was indeed a fluke instead of a norm—made up of much of Herobrine’s code, with a few changes to personality and power. Wants a life of peace and simplicity. Easily spooked, especially scared of screaming goats, but resourceful and good at combat. Mute. They tend to build more fantastically than their counterpart, with huge megabuilds and whimsical creations. Aroace.

[meruz]

another ask post

i mean i also read it because a friend whos rly into queer SFF fiction circles recced it but she did kinda lead with "the writer used to write hs fanfic...tasmyn..taz...?" to which i replied

of COURSE I read the locked tomb because i heard taz had written a book. of course. ill consume most any media made by a beloved homestuck bnf. thats also why i played undertale. and read like..snotgirl. and idk... watched the new dub of neon genesis evangelion.

if u made homestuck fanwork 10 years ago and havent even made it since chances are I still remember and I love you for it.

sdlkfhsg its funny you sensed that because that drawing did in fact start kinda more........ well, I'd be lying if I said my hands never wrought a drawing toeing over the pg-13 line LOL...

NOT to say i have a secret stash of porn or anything. in general im more interested in the implication of sexuality or mature themes over any explicit depiction. like everything i draw is so softcore itd almost feel silly to make a nsfw acc for anything.

but im not rly jumping to post anything on main either bc i get the sense i have a lot of kids in my social media following. it varies from site to site and fandom to fandom but the themes in my work often circle around childhood, coming of age etc and in general i like stories about kids so the fandoms i draw for have a lot of kids in them. even stuff like IT (stephen king) which is about kids but isn't necessarily for kids.. there were a lot of kids in that fandom lol.

actually thats why ive been censoring swears in comics lately because the tmnt fandom comes across to me as a little young...IDK I've had MULTIPLE people ask me what "sodomize" means because of the joke in this post and I'm like... I Cannot be the one to explain this to you. you have to look it up on your own klfsdhsdg like i wouldn't be doing this if i were doing a comic for mgs or even homestuck wherein the characters textually swear constantly LOL but sometimes u gotta change tacks depending on the faces u see in the crowd yknow.

i HAVE been thinking abt drawing nsfw of sunspot/richard rider/kobak from x-men red just because that comic seemed to be really asking for it. who knows.. if the need rly arises maybe my separate account policy will change.

its rly more a matter of the fact that i havent read/watched much of any other iterations... im sure id like most lol. I like most things related to my interests regardless of quality. i rly like the marvel ultimate alliance games for instance. sometimes seeing my fave guy is enough he doesnt have to be well written LOL. i dont exactly have a wealth of free time tho thats the real impediment.

i did watch the 2007 movie on new years eve and found it quite charming overall. and i have read about 30-40 issues between the mirage and idw comics. still feels like im barely scratching the surface but i liked em. i rly want to read all the sophie campbell stuff bc i think her work is interesting. jason aaron will be a mixed bag i think lmao. i say as the worlds biggest Wolverine and the X-Men (2011) fan.

hmm this is kinda hard bc i feel like i naturally draw very loose and the hard part for me is tightening it up. maybe some suggestions tho...

1) hand excercises. i think its easy to forget this when many artists sit in front of the computer all day but drawing is a physical activity u do with ur actual...bodys...muscles lol. if u feel urself tightening up it might help to strech (any google search for "artist hand excercises" should yield good results) or do a page of loose practice strokes like..big circles. long lines. scribbles. that kinda thing. whatever feels good for ur hand. this is also just good to do as a general warm up before u sit down for any drawing sesh.

2) draw further away from the canvas. as a general rule...when ur painting traditionally you do the big strokes with your whole arm outstreched and a long handled brush. and when you do the details its smaller wrist movements and a shorter handled brush. so it might help to take a step back or push back from ur chair a little.. or hold ur tablet a little further away. and hold your pen further away from the nib.

3) change mediums / brush types. some brushes and mediums are more suited to loose sketching and some more inclined towards detail work. so changing ur tool could help. also! i personally have this problem where sometimes if im using a brush i feel really familiar with the pressure to make a "good" "finished" "perfect" drawing is greater... if i want to force myself to loosen up ill switch to a tool i dont use as often so it feels like the pressure is off. a lot of times for me this is switching from digital to traditional. but sometimes its switching from a small pen to a big marker. or a smooth pen to a textured one. or a nice brush to a shitty dried up marker.

but also every body is different so i dont think these tips will work for everyone. u should listen to what ur body and mind tell u and how drawing feels to you

bro just sign up and set it up i dont think theres much to it... i dont rly think too much abt my itch.io store because its digital goods so u just upload the file and let it do its thing. no distribution work needed on ur part. youll notice i barely even advertise my itch unless i have smth new on there lol.. its easy. but good luck!!!

idk if im the best person to ask this im more a comic fan than i am a comic professional... a comic hobbist.

well. scott mcclouds understanding comics and making comics are good books on the craft. i think i had to buy them for a class in art school once.

other than that idk just keep at it. comics are really laborious i think for a lot of people the hardest part is sitting down and doing it.

i think a lot of people have a very instinctive understanding of how to read comics and what they look like so whatever you think seems like good way to tell the story you have in mind, its probably right. if u get stuck, study comics that have done something similar. most people in comics are relatively self taught and actually it can be problematic bc you can tell when a lot of comic artists are all copying the same like 5 old white guys LMAO. but on the flip side if you make sure to reference and study broadly your comics will almost assuredly feel unique.

sorry im responding to this anyways. this is just a really nice ask. i like when people reference my older work bc i feel like sometimes theyre subtly implying it wasnt very good LMAOOO. but its true! at least compared to the work i make now ^^ and the fact that im still making art is whats keeping me from being embarassed abt how much of my old art just floats around online lmao im never ashamed to be growing and learning. isnt that a nice thought <3

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

WeLL here we are...i want to write s/t quick to remember the year by. cus 2023 was probly one of my most significant years of life, even tho from the surface it may appear not much changed for me, 2023 laid the foundation,,,

firstly, january 2023 i began learning to make music, which is crazy like!!!! it has absolutely given me a new reason to be lieve in myself like i nvr had b4. its like unlocking a new area of my heart, and inutuion.. its so FUN, so so fun ohhh the fun i have, provides me w a brighter outlook for the future as i will always have this melodic part of me activated,going forward. ive learned so much in just a year. idk i just love it it makes me feel wise and complete i feel like an alchemist. i cld rly say a lot on the sense of security music has made me feel in my heart :'0 but i have some other things to get to;

summer 2023 i started doing yoga which has also changed things for me dramatically i think ive released a lot of built up stagnant energy from my body & aura. since i started i feel immensely more balanced n able to work thru my emotions as they come up. ngl when ppl used to recommend me to try yoga i thout it was hippie shit but its real lol.. im finding sm contentment in day to day life than i ever thought possible, easier time being present, yet another thing i will continue for the rest of my future that 2023 has given me.

these r good things but it must b said that this year has been Soooo rough for me in certain ways, mostly due to interpersonal relationships.. some ppl had to b let go from my life this year in ways i rly wasnt expecting & for a lot of the year things were just, foggy. however as things draw to a close im feeling immensely grateful like.. every1 im close to rn are all peaceful souls & we uplift each other, i see now why the ones causing drama naturally had to fall away. even if it was painful process im feeling so supported rn, & reciprocated TwwwT <3333

idk it just felt like as i was progressing w musical understanding, yoga stuff , as well as the past few months trying to use tea and herbs to get my organs in order, i feel that.. my energetic field is rly repairing itself & so a lot of old attachments just cant keep up anymore.

i have to say, well, erm, i am really in love w slimbo and its different than anything ive ever felt in my life. we've been in love for a long long time & i dont talk about it often as i am protective of this love. but god, its just, the purest bond ive ever known and our love for each other is deeper all the time. we r both life path 27/9 & the first time we met it literally felt like.. reuniting, it felt like a celebration..i had never noticed such warmth from someone. i cld never be in such a secure place rn if it wasnt for slimbo & every day im so grateful like dude i owe you my LIFE. idk how to explain it, we are just One. slimbo is my angel i cant wait to spend 2024 & forever with <3

if u read this far....ur a true PMDhead, thanks for being oomfies w me out here on the big wide web, i hope you bloom this year, & this can be a shift in the right direction for all of us <3 i believe palestine will be free. happy new year everyone, GANBATTE VIVA 2024 <333 -PMD9LL

[oraclekleo]

Jihyo (TWICE) - Kinky Tarot Reading

Disclaimer:

All celebrity readings have purely entertainment nature

I don’t know any of the celebrities personally

Don’t base life decisions purely on tarot readings

I can never guarantee any of what’s said in the reading

Feedback: Feedback is very important for content creators and for me it’s even more important. Please, let me know whether the tarot readings resonate. If there’s anything you dislike or find off about my readings (like wording, topics, focus), just tell me. I don’t want you to write 1000-word feedback, very simple comments will do for me to stay motivated. I don’t know why I have to keep repeating this but this is something I do for you, guys, and when I don’t feel motivated to do tarot readings, I have many other things to do. The more motivation I get, the more readings you will get to read. The logic is very simple but it’s two sided.

Reading Info:

Rating: 18+

Reading Type: Single - Couple

Requested: Yes - No

Requester: /

Deck(s): Tarot of Vampires

Spread: Kinky

Questions:

Position

Libido

Turn On

Kink

Dirty Secret

Celebrity Info:

Full Name: Park Ji Hyo

Stage Name: Jihyo

Group: TWICE

DOB: 01/02/1997

Blood Type: O

MBTI: ESFP

Sun Sign: Aquarius

Chinese Sign: Fire Rat

Life Path Number: 2

Masterpost: TWICE

Jihyo (TWICE) - Kinky

Spread / Question: Kinky Deck(s): Tarot of Vampires

Position - XVIII The Moon

This particular card depicts the legendary Rusalka - a beautiful maiden luring people (often men) into lakes or rivers where they drown. The connection with Jihyo might be that she’s actually pretty deceptive in a relationship. It might be caused by her being deceived and lied to many times in the past and so she learned not to show her cards to her partner right away. She might play a certain type of girlfriend role in the beginning, portraying a gorgeous woman like the Rusalka on the card but under the surface, there are the bare bones of her true personality. Her true self might actually be much more beautiful than what she shows but she is likely to be reluctant to share. Jihyo might be a bit detached and secretive in a relationship, keeping her partner in suspense. That can make them feel like stumbling in the dark and it’s probably not going to build a solid base for a mutually rewarding relationship. Jihyo might need to first renew her trust before she is able to genuinely bond with someone.

Libido - IV The Emperor

There’s no other card in a tarot deck that would signal dominance this powerfully. The Emperor card is likely to tell us that Jihyo is the dom in the bedroom. She has trust issues with her partners so it’s not surprising she wants to be in control. She is likely to keep things in order and even structured so there is no space for improvisation. Her wild nights are likely to be scheduled and she expects her lover to attend or have a really good excuse at least 24h in advance so she can schedule her backup activity for the night. Jihyo is likely to have high standards and expectations and it’s also possible that she hasn't been satisfied every time with her lovers in the past. She’s very likely to be prepared for that, too and once her lover fails, she’s pulling her toys out of the drawer to finish the job properly. The underperforming lover is likely to be asked not to show up again. Jihyo is a busy woman, she’s got tight schedules and she’s responsible and highly efficient, she’s got no time to teach her lovers how to do their job. She might instinctively pick mature looking people as lovers in hopes they have some significant experience. Jihyo might seem pretty cold or maybe analytical to others but the fact is that her libido is very strong, she can get very passionate and lustful only if she could find a lover who would match her.

Turn On - 6 of Pentacles

Jihyo is likely to feel attracted to someone who’s generous and selfless, someone who gives more than they take. She might feel instinctively pulled towards a person who could heal her trust issues, someone reliable and true. The card might suggest the person works in a medical field, maybe Jihyo feels attracted to people who can actually heal others and are even more responsible and hard working than she is. She’s likely to admire high morals and high work drive in others. Jihyo is likely to also consider the financial stability of her crush as she’s not willing to support someone’s idle lifestyle.

Kink - II The High Priestess

The High Priestess card is all about intuition and secrets and all that’s behind the veil. As an answer to a kink question in the spread it might mean that Jihyo is not willing to reveal her preferences to anyone. It’s possible she’s not still sure herself, maybe she’s still in search of her favourite thing when it comes to bedroom activities. I’m afraid the card doesn’t really reveal anything much in this case. It’s literally undecided, a secret and standing on a crossroads with countless paths ahead.

Dirty Secret - V The Hierophant

Jihyo might truly be in search of a mentor figure, someone she could trust and rely on when it comes to the most intimate sides of her life. The Emperor card could also point to a certain level of daddy issues she might have and the Hierophant card continues with the theme. It’s possible Jihyo didn’t have the type of support she needed from male father figures in the past and she might still search for someone she could truly trust with everything and who wouldn’t judge her nor belittle her. She might have spent a large portion of her growing up being self-sufficient and carrying more responsibility than a young person should and she might feel insecure about asking for help and guidance now. She is likely aware of this and craves a person she would naturally trust enough to drop her resilience and let them support her when needed.

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[ge]

sumt about chung myung having a (relatively) softer heart than tang bo makes me melt... u can see tang bo doesn't reach out to things that he feels doesn't need it, but chung myung actively takes things into his heart... man i love how they're so diff from how they're presented as. usually the smiley, touchy one would be the self sacrificial one

(idk where this is from but is tang bo actually cold to others when not in front of chung myung...? this is such a popular thing i see in works lol)

yall genuinely have no idea how often im thinking about tangchung character studies theyre so interesting to pick and prod at.. chung myung keeping his softness under so many many layers of rock hard defense and even when u get close enough to him to break those walls down, hes so unused to being unprotected that gentleness feels like something that has to be coerced, gripped, and dragged out of him, affection making his chest feel clogged and cumbersome, and love felt so heavily it feels like it could bring down the sky.. he feels with such an overwhelming excessiveness that displaying it freely in any way other than casual familiarity feels like humiliation, and asking for it in return even more shameful.. he is a empty house hungry to be lived in and yearning for a flame but he would much rather let his terse and concise and seemingly brutish actions speak louder than his softness, no matter how it may end up being interpreted....my long winded way of saying i think chung myung has an extreme hedgehog dilemma and is a tsundere about it

tang bo is a little trickier for me to get a read on maybe bc i hvnt read much about him yet and most of my knowledge of him comes from fics & twt users LOL (which im aware are mostly extremely ooc..it kinda grates on me knowing most or all of my knowledge of him is secondhand and distorted) but i must agree with you.. the tang bo in my head is predominately headcanon ive built up myself so whatever i say about him might be extremely off the mark but idgaf..i like the version of him i have in my head currently..

compared to chung myung, tang bo feels hrmmm..more sociable but impersonal.. im not sure if he can be called cold exactly, but he doesnt seem to show much care or affection to anyone he isnt particularly close with.. he seems to have an almost impassive business type relationship with most people, including his family though it should be mentioned aside from chung myung, he is also friendly towards chung mun and chung jin, having been said to drink w the three of them often.. from what ive seen he seems to treat them like a second family in a sort of way? i attribute tang bos dispassionate demeanor to his family, the way he was raised formed a sort of crust around not, not so much a wall but a poker face..and chung myung was the first person who directly challenged the monotony of his life

smth about the dichotomy of their natures is sooo interesting urhg.. tang bo, a young master of a reputable rich family given everything he could ever want for, taught to be upright and gallant since birth, wearing the seemingly permanent mask of impersonality and tranquility that was hammered into him since young, meeting someone who brought back colour into his dull world for the first time in his life and suddenly that mask starts crumbling and tang bo finds himself happy in a way he was never allowed to be under the watchful eye of his familys strict elders

compared to chung myung whos life was nearly the complete opposite, an orphan taken in and raised in a sect by people who showered him w as much uninhibited familial love as he could want for, taught him to be honourable and respectable, grows up w a penchant for keeping his true emotions hidden deep underneath his surface, not out of malice or obligation but because, unlike tang bo, it was simply how he was..meeting and befriending tang bo made him begin to WANT, for the very first time..to actually show someone how deeply he can care, to peel back the veil and show someone the desperation for intimacy he desires so profoundly that buzzes underneath his skin in a way he couldnt, wouldnt, speak of out of the sheer indignity of it all...yeah so basically what im saying again is that hes tsundere and tang bo saw that and was like i need that gay boy

[skeleton-wannabeee]

i have never shared much about my irl bio, so heres a little overview of me 💕

i am 27 and my pronouns are she/her. i got married in 2017 and live with my husband, our cat and two dogs. those babies are my LIFE. i work in sourcing for a major bank and truly love my job. i have chronic lyme disease and PANDAS, along with my bipolar II.

my eating disorder started around 15/16, but was being taught to me my whole life by my narcissistic (mean that word literally) 4n4 mother. i was working my first job, McDonalds. i ate all the time there, like walk past the nugget drawer and grab a nugget here and there. i went from 114 to 126 and lost it mentally. my light 4na turned into 6ish months of b&p. i lost the weight and lived being OMAD and could maintain my weight usually.

it got more out of control in college when i was trying different meds for my bipolar (through my physician). certain meds would make me gain weight, then i would restrict, lose weight, change med then do it all over again. at one point i was STRUGGLING to lose it. i became sooo depressed over it (still not realizing a had a problem). COVID hit and it became a lot easier to restrict and move less. i started losing weight fast, my BP therapist (who used to treat EDs) was catching on and it eventually came to the surface. i still wouldn’t eat, cried about eating and kept losing weight.

i eventually did recover, went into remission and gained 70 pounds (122-192). i ended up having mold in my air ducts and that was making it hard for me to have the usual up and back down you have after weight restoration. through treatment my depression went away and as i detoxed weight started dropping of. it felt amazing. so i ended up relapsing and im 2 lbs from my lowest.

therapy for the ED had a lot of benefits, i got rid of my body dysmorph and took care of a lot of anxiety around showing scars out in public. now that im not depressed and im confined in my body, restricting has been great. i know i look great and the challenge of losing weight is less about how i look and it is not at all about how i look to men, unless you are a man in this community but thats a different story lol

in recovery i found myself as a person and became so much more loving and accepting. that has resulted in some amazing things.

i put a lot of effort now into my activism and it is truly what i love to do. i am a clinic escort and spend hours every week helping patients into the clinic. we also defend at pride events and drag story hours, etc. we lobby for reproductive rights as well as trans, black and other marginalized groups. my org and i are constantly growing and ive become such an inclusive person.

i want everyone to know that you are safe talking to me no matter who you are or what preferences you have. and also know i am very loud about whats right and fight for change even at work. i wont stop fighting for true equity and inclusion.

if you are in the carolinas, esp charlotte, pls reach out and say hi!! we probably have a good bit in common.

[baltears]

thots on finishing my second full rewatch of crazy ex girlfriend

god if only my identity issues and lack of career goals could be miraculously resolved by just noticing an intense passion ive always had bubbling under the surface but that it just never occurred to me to pursue for some reason. sarah marshall voice MUST BE NICE.

this is an amazing and incredible show for a lot of reasons one of which is its very firm adherence to thesis but there are also times where it feels like the writing cant get out of its own way because of this. e.g. actively sabotaging nathaniel as a love interest in ways that dont totally make sense given his past characterization because its important for story reasons that he not outpace greg or josh in terms of personal growth or attachment/importance to rebecca. like as early as mid-season 3 hes clearly already undergoing a lot of the changes that would make him a more kindhearted and respectful person but then in season 4 he just kind of. forgets them temporarily so that rebecca will break up with him and make him learn a lesson that he appeared to have halfway already learned. idk it feels like a bit of a nitpicky problem because there really is no easy fix for this writing-wise but i did notice it

valencia being team greg does not make sense to me. it just does not. valencia and greg never really had a dynamic that differentiated itself from her dynamic with the rest of josh's friends, and she had no response to greg and rebecca being together when that happened because her character wasnt relevant to that plotline at the time so her rooting for them to get back together just seems to be based totally on secondhand knowledge of what their relationship was like that we don't even see her get. i understand that heather picked nathaniel because they had their little bonding moment in 4x06 and paula picked josh because she was og team josh and likewise because they also bonded a bit in the same episode but i personally feel valencia-josh heather-greg paula-nathaniel would have made more sense. valencia really cooled on josh after their breakup (to a degree i honestly found to be a bit much, she basically treats him like hector whom she actively disliked until 4x10 and its like. hello???) but she did sincerely love him at one point and tbh i think they should have had a little reconciliation arc and she should have been rooting for joshbecca, heather likewise dated greg and knows him really well and saw firsthand how much he loves rebecca, and paula is close to nathaniel because they work together and she saw his personal growth from collaborating with him on the pro bono cases. idk. i like 4x06 but i also feel like there wasnt really a need for heather to learn to like nathaniel because they werent clearly shown in the past to have a negative dynamic based on dislike or disrespect and likewise with paula and josh. it made sense kind of but it could have made more sense.

season 4 in general is a total mess and i think it just comes down to the season having way too many episodes and not enough to fill them. all the greg and rebecca stuff is good, the nathaniel dream sequence episode is great use of filler, i love the development of josh and rebecca becoming friends again and then catching feelings, and i love the denouement for paula in particular as well as heather and valencia although i think the latter two dont have as much substance and some of the conflict in them feels contrived. but in general everything is stretched out wayyyy too much, the songs feel sparser and weaker (theres like four or five that i would consider really great and would happily listen to on a regular basis but that's out of an entire season's worth of songs after three seasons of almost nonstop bangers) and multiple episodes that just feel like the show spinning its wheels. 4x09 in particular is a weak point and might actually be my least favorite episode, i cant believe they thought anyone was going to get excited about the prospect of rebecca fucking the random tinder dude from 1x04 plus the cats parody songs are such a slog. tbh most of the back half of my personal episode ranking is filled out by episodes from s4. there are some memorable high points here and there but it really takes some endurance to get through the rest of the season

skylar astin greg. what is there left to say about skylar astin greg. hes just a different guy. i already made a post about him so i wont repeat myself too much. idk. hes okay, he does produce a greg-like impression, he has good chemistry with rachel. hes like greg flavored la croix. i definitely dont hate him in the role and in a lot of ways i think he was a great choice for the show (to be honest i think santinos charisma is so intense that it would have just been a bit much to put his greg in a horse race with josh and nathaniel, plus his dynamic with rebecca would have felt completely different and would have lacked that sense of 'hello, nice to meet you' that i do think was necessary for them at that point) but ill always be wistfully wondering what could have been if santino had been able to come back to reprise the character

honestly despite all its flaws in a way almost any criticism of this show feels like nitpicking to me because it's just so fucking great

[cios-correct-opinions]

post here

DISCLAIMER BEFORE ANYONE SAYS OR ASSUMES ANYTHING ABOUT ME: i am not a proshipper. i am not an anti. i do not use any shipping discourse labels because i've been actively traumatized by both communities and have no desire to put that label on myself. i am just a person capable of critical thinking who enjoys analyzing media sometimes. i do not condone harassment over fiction, and i also do not believe any form of media is free from critical analysis or criticism, especially if it includes harmful propaganda and/or portrayals of marginalized peoples/societies which serve to perpetuate or legitimatize a pre-existing societal bias. do not call me an anti. do not call me a proshipper. do not assume things about me in bad faith. ive got no time for that and ill block you if you do this.

i actually think i kinda have a grasp on what's being said here so lemme explain this bc this is kinda how i feel? i'm gonna explain as best i can since its nearing 3 am and im a lil tired. forgive me if i dont explore every angle of nuance here btw again im tired but the adderall is in my blood so.

ahem.

my main talking point is this: there is a difference between exploration of something, which can include varying depictions and portrayals of a subject, vs propaganda for something, which has the intent of swaying you towards one side or away from one side or blah blah blah you know what propaganda wants to do i'm sure

exploration of dark and taboo subjects such as CSA/SA/abuse in general, paraphilias, mental illness, incest, so on and so forth - especially when done by survivors of those things - are almost never propaganda, no matter how they're being portrayed. someone using fictional characters within a fictional context to cope with their own trauma is, 99.9% of the time, not trying to endorse that behavior in real life. they also often assume the people reading it will understand that they the creator are not trying to endorse that behavior in real life.

example: most people who create fiction based off the mafia do not actually want to be mobsters, nor do they think others should be, nor do they endorse the real life mob, even if their portrayals can sometimes be problematic in other ways and/or contribute to certain problematic societal ideas about gang violence esp when committed by white people, but that's an entirely different issue than the one at hand and has more factors in play.

a deeper example: while a work of fiction can definitely reveal certain creator biases and/or how the creator feels about certain topics, it doesn't mean that every detail in the fiction is weighted the same way. someone may have clear biases towards, for example, women, in their work based on how they write their female characters, but not condone murder in that same work just because murder is part of the plot and/or is framed as a net positive in the storyline. you can have a work which clearly shows a creator's true feelings or thoughts or philosophies or what-have-you on one topic, but not on another, within the same work. learning which of these is true and when is a learned skill. i can't tell ya to do it myself as i am not a teacher

despite it seeming like it should be easy, on the other hand, spotting propaganda can actually be really fucking hard. i am not here to talk about how to spot propaganda, and perhaps will reblog this at a later date with links on how to do that as i am too tired to both write this and look for reliable resources on doing that, so if you want that for now, sorry, you gotta search elsewhere. however, this difficulty often leads to the main conflict i see online:

people believe that an exploration or portrayal of a dark/taboo subject or a subject which contains something that is immoral or illegal in real life, which does not outright condemn that thing, and/or appears on a surface level to be a "positive" portrayal (air quotes bc what counts as positive changes depending on who you ask) even when made by real-life survivors of the thing being explored, is the exact same as propaganda meant to push the emulation of that thing or behavior in real life, by real people, to real people/others/whatever.

this is the issue i and others keep running into online, over and over and over again. people are unable to tell the difference, they are unable to tell the target audience of a work, they are unable to understand why someone would make something a certain way, and ultimately the material upsets/triggers/disgusts/bothers/etc them, and all of this leads to them treating the first group of media like the second. because of that, they assume those creating that content are encouraging its real-world application and that the creators think these actions are okay, or that they will/want to/have perpetrated those acts in real life as well. once they've decided this, it's essentially impossible to convince them otherwise

ignoring the fact that you cannot make these assumptions about a stranger online in good faith literally ever, this is a huge problem. a nazi creating propaganda indoctrination white supremacist fantasy fiction material is nowhere near the same as a CSA & SA survivor creating works of dark fiction/art to cope with their trauma, but a lot of people consider it one and the same because they literally are incapable of seeing the difference. they can't analyze either work by either creator, and are unable to see how the nazi's fiction is different from the survivor's. even if the subjects portrayed in the works are different, too

these people will also insist that any humanization of a villain they deem "bad" or "problematic" enough - which, again, is dependent on who's making those decisions and not any kind of clear standard - means that the creator condones/believes/enjoys those things the villain does, and people who enjoy that character also condone/believe/enjoy those things the villain does. the ultimate irony of it all, of course, is that these people are consuming the exact same media with the exact same characters and exact same story and exact same plotline as the people they are attacking, and many of those people also enjoyed that media. they just seem to think because they enjoy blorbo blingus The Good Guy(tm) instead of zorbo zingle The Bad Guy(tm), that makes them morally superior instead of, yknow, just someone with a different opinion who is reading/watching with a different lens than someone else

obsession with moral purity, moral superiority, and in general an abstract concept of morality, is what has ultimately led us here. in an attempt to be seen as "acceptable" by the masses of the world - regardless of whether they participate in fandom or not - for whatever reason one has, has led some of us to turn on each other within fandom spaces

fear of predatory abusers lurking in the shadows, as well as an inability to actually identify the signs of a predatory abuser caused by a society whose goal is largely to protect those same predatory abusers, as well as a sadly large and growing number of victims of abuse growing up online and sometimes being abused and/or preyed on online (as i myself was) who thus are hypervigilant for this sort of thing due to their own trauma, has all led to a willingness to attack and destroy anyone we think might possibly maybe sorta kinda be a little suspicious without a second thought to the actual probability of that person's guilt, as well as the inability to stop and ask ourselves what we're really doing when we attack people over fictional portrayals of things as well as whether or not these fictional hypothetical transgressions are truly worth destroying someone's livelihood and life over or whether they're something we can simply block and ignore and not worry about

simply liking or disliking something in media has become a source of literal panic attacks for a lot of people because they drive themselves mad looking for a "good, moral, logical reason" to like or dislike something rather than just accepting it for what it is

our lack of understanding combined with an unwillingness to be open to the possibility of alternative interpretations for anything has driven people to commit atrocities. someone is literally dying right now because of it. actively dying. will die soon. because of antis deciding their creations meant it was okay to lie about them being a pedophile (they weren't), get them fired from their job due to these false claims, resulting in them losing their health care, which has 4 years down the road, resulted in their eventual death.

we. must. do. better.

[abrahamvanhelsings]

thank youu for tagging me @zaegreus 💙🐳

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

not really, i believe my mother happened to know someone, a colleague or something, and she liked the name so on the baby name list it went. as far as my new chosen name which ive been trying out here and there, it's just the male version of my legal documents name, but since that's dorian it always makes people go 'ooo like from oscar wilde's dorian gray?' OR they go 'oh like in dragon age' and both of these things. queer. lmao.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

hmm i don't quite remember, i think i cried about palestine a couple of weeks ago bc i was very stressed abt work and my emotions were very close to the surface so to say, and this genocide happening right in front of our eyes while the world acts like it isn't makes me feel incredibly powerless and lose my faith in humanity. to see suffering and ignore it - to refuse to see these people as people, with lives and dreams and feelings that are each worth the universe, at all. just inconceivable to me.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

no. and despite what my mother likes to think i do not want them and i never will.

WHAT SPORTS HAVE YOU PLAYED/DO YOU PLAY?

i played football for a couple of years as a teenager. i also did horse riding for a year or two as a child, but then the timing of the lessons got awkward in regards to dinner so i had to stop. i still kind of miss it every once in a while though, because i really love horses and riding is very nice. uhh i also did archery for two years or something. and when i stopped playing football when i was 15 i went on to rowing and i haven't stopped doing that since! honestly a pretty important part of my life, there's a lot of time that goes into practice alone and i also have to volunteer at the club (common courtesy as a member), but i really love it. don't think ill ever stop doing it if i can help it.

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

uh yeah all the time lmaoo which sometimes people do not catch on to and then it seems like i've just said something incredibly rude or patently insane but we roll with life's punches. which in this case is failing a 'have a normal conversation' check.

FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

hands! im very peculiar about hands and i will commit a felony for a beautiful pair of them. this goes for eyes too but looking straight into people's eyes is, like, more intimate than sex so i tend not to do that very much even if i think someone's eyes are beautiful immediately. and also, people's shoes, bc i honestly believe that if there's any piece of clothing that can tell you a lot about a person it's shoes lmao

WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR?

hazel, they kinda go from brown to green depending on the shirt im wearing and the way the light falls into them

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

kind of depends on your definition of scary? i don't like horror at all but i can enjoy a good thriller. generally i think i prefer happy endings though. still, a good tragedy every once in a while... in fact one of my favourite movies of all time (in the mood for love) has a very bittersweet ending. and also i am terror crew of course

ANY TALENTS?

i used to be decent at drawing but i haven't really done that for years bc academia sucks the life out of you. same goes for writing - i so wish to take up writing fanfic and original works again and i have so many ideas, but then whenever i have the time i do not feel the energy. oh but im very good at public speaking! has always come naturally to me which is quite a stroke of luck

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

provincial town somewhere in the north of the netherlands

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

rowing, playing the piano, and the usual stuff i.e. reading, watching things (including sports) and playing video games. idk if id classify climate activism as a hobby? im not doing it for fun but bc it's necessary, but we do try to have a good time of it bc it's not sustainable mentally/physically if you don't. i also play board games with some of the climate activism people in my city every once in a while

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

no! my parents used to have cats but when they died they didn't take new ones and im away from my own apartment more often than im there bc of work and sports and activism and friends blah blah blah so it isn't really a good idea for me to take a cat or something if we can't even be proper companions

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

ehh 169 cm or so

FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

even though i studied history i think latin and ancient greek were my favourite subjects in high school bc that's where i actually learned things. the history teacher just let me do whatever bc it was all too easy for me anyway, but latin/greek were actually challenging even though i was good at them. in fact my highest mark on the big national high school exams was for greek! also i told you about my amazing latin teacher :')

DREAM JOB?

man i don't even know anymore. for the longest time i thought i wanted to work in academia but now im doing a phd and im seeing all the uni politics up close im like... man... all of you people and your made up rules and your cronyism and toxic power dynamics and your hierarchies suck ass for real. but then idk what else id do bc even though i like museums that whole world is impossible to get into without literal nepotism so yeah. marry rich and set up something cool to popularise opera among younger generations? lmfao

tagging @garlandgerard @boogiewoogieweeb @croziers-compass @burrowingregg @tadpal @tideswept if you feel like it 💚🐢

[boundless-n-bare]

audhd confessions - my own worst enemy

being active in this community as a neurodivergent individual (audhd) can be very challenging in unexpected ways. for me the hardest thing to deal with is the rsd - rejection sensitive dysphoria. i have this BAD. this doesn't strictly pertain to real or perceived rejection from individuals in the community although that can be part of it, but more broadly its like a very intense and painful feeling of fomo. having to miss NEST this year was a huge trigger for me - no one rejected me, but i still felt rejection because i couldn't be there. my brain told me i wasn't allowed. that no-one wanted me there anyway and i wouldn't be missed.

its also very hard seeing other members of the community being active and fulfilling their desires in a way i wish i could but very deeply feel and have been telling myself for years that i can't. this one honestly kills me, like it can be super debilitating to the point that it legit keeps me away from interacting in these spaces which i hate. its a huge reason ive been so distant - it sucks majorly feeling as though you're surrounded by people who have it all figured out, or at least seem to, while you feel lowly, alienated, and incapable.

for me, rsd is this ever present voice screaming "you're not allowed." woah see this community member posting about the really awesome session they had with this other community member? you'll never have that. they flew halfway across the country for that session, you're broke and will never be able to do that. they have social skills and you're a socially inept loser who no one wants to talk to. "they" are allowed to have those experiences, "they" are normal. but you are not allowed. you can be a spectator, at best. you get to yearn

the truly fucked thing is that i have had those experiences! i have been to NEST! i have traveled long-ish distances for sessions! i have had the good fortune of having multiple tickling experiences while many in this community may struggle to cement even one. yet i still look at myself and my experiences in this completely ass-backwards light that tells me that they are nothing special, its everyone else who is out there living the absolute dream and nothing i achieve will ever live up to what they're doing - it can't, it simply isn't possible because you are not allowed!

this shit has paralyzed me for far too long. it makes me not even want to look at tumblr, or reddit, or anywhere i might come across that sort of content because what if i see another post like that and then i get sad? then i suddenly have to wrestle with these feelings of inadequacy and isolation and who needs that? its easier just to ignore it all entirely... right?

well, no, because tickling is my passion and if i ignore it completely, to the point of not even letting myself engage with the community, then im depriving myself of not only the community and any potential support network therein but literally the pursuit of the one thing in life that bares any semblance of importance to me at all! when i tell you nothing else matters to me, when i tell you there is nothing in my life that drives me forward the way tickling does i am not fucking exaggerating - if i have learned anything over the pandemic and throughout the years that followed up until now it is that i forget who the fuck i am if i sever myself from my desires for too long. i'll put it all on the back burner and then wonder why im so miserable all the time. then i'll eventually come back, start getting into the hang of being active, then the asd starts surfacing, then i experience some sort of meltdown, then isolate for a few more months, then dip my toes back in and start the cycle all over.

i honestly dont know the best way to combat this but my plan is basically to kill this ideology with persistence - from now on i won't back down and dip out when im confronted with these feelings but rather i will challenge them and keep doing what im doing anyway. i will tell myself that with patience and persistence i can do any damn thing i want, and it might not happen immediately but sooner rather than later i will prevail and i will be content with my place here.

i intend to seriously challenge any assertion by my brain that im not good enough, moneyed enough, social enough, likeable enough, etc. to participate in this community. sure, there might be very real barriers to what i can and can't do compared to others but even still there's ultimately nothing i can't do! i have even told myself for the longest time that i could never be any sort of content creator... yeah, well guess what? im challenging that shit because the very act of my brain telling me i can't do it signifies that its obviously something i want to do, therefor i should! i've deterred myself from buying toys, bondage equipment, etc. because "you're not even active! you don't even talk to people! you're so socially awkward you'd spend all the money and never use it!"

fuck you, brain! the only thing truly getting in my way is you! im not making excuses to minimize myself anymore. im going to do the thing! the fuck is even the point of living if all you're going to do is keep yourself from the shit you want? its beyond fucking stupid

i doubt its going to be easy. i doubt that i won't slip up. but persistence means getting back up and doing it anyway when even when i feel like giving up, and hiding from or not interacting with the community is a sure-fire way to get absolutely nothing from it at all