#its vague because i dont know shit
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
In Q3 of 2020, 31% of US users access the Tumblr app daily.
Text
i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans
#fair warning for. a very very long ramble and rant in the tags. apologies#westerner or russian. no other option#westerner because the only thought they ever have is 'but they had universal housing so if you oppose ussr you oppose that'#(which is stupid becuse you can believe in that WITHOUT WANTING LIKE 6 COUNTRIES TO BE FORCED TO BE RULED OVER BY RUSSIA)#(SORRY FOR WANTING TO LIVE IN MY COUNTRY WITH MY HISTORY AND MY CULTURE AND NOT RUSSIA!!) (poland was a sattelite state but GOD)#or russian because they have a victim complex and are convinced that they deserve to rule over the entire damn world#'well you had universal housing so you had it easy' right yeah. okay. forget about like. everything else that happened#to eastern europeans during that time#forget about the things that are STILL issues all these years later not only in poland but like the more eastern countries too#its not about. the fact that the houses 'didnt have 3 bedrooms and a jacuzzi' in them. you DUMB SACK OF SHIT#god sorry. sorry. i also know so very little but like god damn i fucking live here. i didnt sit thru all that modern history#for some dumbfuck to say that 'ohhh only rich and american middle class people are happy the ussr was dissolved'#'oooh the dissolving of the ussr was illegal and the countries within it actually liked being there'#im just so fucking tired man i need to. i need to start killing people#and this is all not to mention that theyll say this stupid shit and then deny eastern europeans the things they actually did that were good#FUCK french people for trying to claim maria skłodowska. fuck americans for trying to claim the witcher as their own fantasy world#fuck the way the west is allowed to claim and destroy eastern european culture without any consequence because we dont matter enough#vaguely related but ill throw this in here since anyone finding it is unlikely and im scared of having this opinion#i think one underappreciated aspect of DE (which might be underappreciated because its not actually there and im stupid)#is that its pro-communist while still also giving some criticism to how it was handled and acknowledging that its still not perfect#which makes the writers much better communists than any self-proclaimed one ive ever met in my life who just worships the idea#perhaps its because the writers of the game were not white upper middle-class americans living in the suburbs. among other things#idk de is a game for people far smarter than me and i only played it once and im sure anyone who played it well can clock me as a bad perso#horrible horrible person even which is why im scared of mentioning it. but its an interesting thing. to me#the main thing is that im just not. im not far left enough i suppose. i agree communism in theory is a great idea. as far as i know it#(which isnt very far)#but chances of implementing it correctly in a way that doesnt take away from peoples happiness in other areas is. low. very low#i wrote a short essay about how utopias are inherently contradictory ideas once it wasnt very deep or good but like#you cant have universal happiness without restricting certain freedoms. and when those freedoms are resticted not everyone#will be happy. and then theyre unhappy they will have to be somehow removed or ignored
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
unsure how to word this but there is something about having ocs with unsavory events happening in their past where it's like. talking about it, even when asked, seems almost gratuitous and inappropriate. and i'd much rather describe it through the oc themself and/or draw Them saying it. which is like. fitting for the subject matter? like of course its weird to talk about somebody else's business...!
and falls back into humanizing em/exploratory writing and development where u consider the impact of words said/words unsaid/HOW those words are said etc etc
#because not all real persons would give u every detail of their trauma obviously#which makes sense but im an overexplainer but also it feels inappropriate to overexplain when it comes to dis#i hope that makes sense#talkys#i once described what went down with al as just directly as possible and it still felt weird. ykwim?? idk why.#well i do know why! i dont want it to seem gratuitous or like That Cheap Writing Element. fine line#same with talon so he'll just keep implying it thru text + dialogue which is how it should be !#the only difference is i think with al i wrote it like he would've said it bc he has more access to that side of himself#and is aware of how it affected him#whereas characterwise talon absolutely would just speak in riddles about and around it#i don't even think he's conscious about the direct effects of it#(but i wouldnt know bc he hasn't made that known to me in my brain)#people respond differently to different things and all that#also im so sorry if half the shit ive said recently is so like. Well Duh. i havent made a new oc in a decade gimme a break LOL#also i realize the. irony? of me even vaguely talking about it in the way i did but 1. i think that's also realistic when you#dont want to do a whole deep dive on someone else's business and 2. people are becoming#curious about my oc(s) and im just thinking about well; significant events and how to handle not speaking about em#FOR them. <- weirdly#idk. they're real to me.#its just so much more interesting to leave it up to them! people can lie people can downplay
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
Realised it’s @khoc-week so even though I don’t have the energy to do it daily have this I did a while ago but never posted.
Arxeht my beloved. They came to me in a dream where I was a replica (of multiple people but looked most like Vidar) made by apprentice Nort/Xemnas, who was the fifteenth member of the organisation and also had my knowledge of hit video games Kingdom Hearts and kept getting randomly thrown through space and time.
#khocweek2024#kh oc#kh ocs#kingdom hearts oc#kingdom hearts original character#Arxeht#blue boi draws#kingdom hearts#kh#Arxeht my beloved I love them#Apprentice Nort started making them to help figure out memories and based them on people he’d get glimpses of in dreams#but he got distracted and only came back and finished them/woke them up around the beginning of Days after Xion#meaning they are theoretically younger then Xion and Roxas but with the way they act and view the others they’re older#they woke up sorta all at once unlike Roxas and Xion. they also have basic knowledge about General Like that the kiddos lack#also their knowledge of how the game plays out is from the perspective of someone who played the games.#like they’d know the ‘press triangle for Sora’ meme and the differences between CoM and ReCoM and refer to time periods by their game name#also VERY AWARE that most kh games are tragedies and desperately trying to change that despite not really having the power to do so#Arxeht is shit at fighting but is saved from getting injured by any time they’re about to get hit it triggers a jump through time/space#and the jumps can be really far and in fast succession. they start a jump in twilight town and are thrown through Daybreak Town#and like two other worlds until they settle and fef a chance to breathe. its handy because they wont die but jumps can happen#in the middle of a conversation or while they’re trying to get somewhere in particular and then suddenly they’re ten years in the past#in a whole different world. it sucks.#can you tell the dream they came from was a stress dream? 90% of what I remember from it was running around trying to get to Xion and Roxas#and keep them safe. the other 10% was the org not knowing what to think of Arx and Xemnas being weird#Arxeht is heart + x in a reflection of Xehanort being no heart + x btw. that did not come from the dream I made it awake#Xemnas was weird he had a very distant vaguely amused view on everything Arxeht was doing I don’t think he ever thought of them as a threat#unlike Xigbar who was concerned which is fair because Arxeht knew he was Luxu and about MoM and stuff#the time jumps can get really long as well but tend to avoid kh era?? days onwards and bbs and before is fair game but they dont actually#meet Sora until kh2.#their main power is information. they know who people are and what’s going on and they are constantly trying to tell people during the
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
you should get out.
#p4au#persona 4 arena ultimax#sho minazuki#kikuno saikawa#quinn moment#quinn drawings#yes this is them as kids no i dont know how accurately this actually lines up with timeline shit because its like Just vague enough that i#cant confirm it. let me live in my beautiful scary world
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry for reblogging fugly trends from 2012 it's for my enrichment
#have i ever told u guys about my early 2010s fashion and pop culture fixation#i got a gen you ine aeropostle skirt recently ive never been happier#also gonna try and get my hands on some freshtops tanks#eventually#also their shorts though ive only found one secondhand listing in my size#i need the naked1 pallet or i'll die#its funny to me because like#yes within fashionblogging and lifestyle teen youtube girls from that era#consummerism was a massive thing (it still is but its so obvious when you look at blog archives and videos from that era)#youtubers with non disclosed sponsorships#bethany mota and amanda steele vaguely saying “this brand sent me this product to give to you guys!”#it was really just watching the birth of what we know as influencers today and its really interesting to me#theres a lack of cuts theres a lack of scripting theres long tangents#people were only just then realizing you can make money via haul videos and makeup tutorials#bethany mota had a fashion line at aeropostle purely because of her status as a youtuber#there was a big rise at the time of people being against flaunting overpriced designer during that time because of the recession#but there was still a hugggeee hold with consumerism and classism#hauls with brandy and f21 and ae like i cant afford that im sure you cant afford $600 at american eagle on a weekly basis#i have lots of thoughts idk#anyways backtracked#i think its funny because here i am talking about how horribly i need b&bw and vs pink#but like its all secondhand shit for $15 online now#nobody wants this stuff!!!!!! cycles!!! capitalism!!!! i dont know you get what i mean!!!!!!!!!!!#skyler posting
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
my psychiatrist was trying to explain that a lot of my depression and anxiety probably stems from my trying to force myself into a (neurotypical/allistic) mold that i wasn't made for and that it's nothing to be ashamed of and she listed elon musk and bill gates as my fellow autists and that made me cry harder
#mia.txt#i wasnt like crying bc i was diagnosed with ASD it was more just crying cause i cry all the time now and it was a cathartic session#oh i forgot to mention it but god i cant even describe the weird feeling of being told im actually autistic (UNPROMPTED)#after like. wondering for so many years but being too scared to bring it up to any psychiatrist#so i was just like well maybe i am or maybe i just have adhd. thats ok im not too worried about it :)#and then i was just like talking about my sensory issues being exacerbated by my meds#and then she started asking me more questions abt my sensory issues and social problems and then she pointed out that i#had been rocking back and forth the entire time. which i genuinely dont even notice anymore like i was like oh shit i sure am doing that#and she basically went through the whole questionnaire and was like has no one really ever brought up the possibility that you were#on the spectrum. because you definitely are#and i was like 🤷🏻♀️ idk! im not sure#but it was probably pretty damning that the one other time i had gotten tested he literally gave up bc the questions were too vague#oh but anyway like no that doesnt help actually 😔#i really don't think its shame-based like i KNOW im Different(TM) thats not shocking to me#but i do expend an insane amount of mental and emotional energy trying to be Normal and pretend i am not autistic#the masking that is causing me so much stress is the very thing that prevented me from being diagnosed earlier lmfaooo
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
seeing ppl praise a creator, calling them lovely and shit, when you know first hand that said creator is an abhorrent POS is 🤮🤮🤮 i and multiple other people have actual ptsd from how said creator (who we considered a close friend) treated us. i know she got all ya'll fooled and it's not ya'll's fault because she presents SO differently than she really is. and if you were currently considered a friend she'd be able to convince you to believe she did nothing wrong because she is an abusive manipulator and she is good at it. She is 100% why I don't engage in the community anymore. I cant go through anything like that again.
#if you're in my discord you likely know who im talking about#i dont wanna be vague but because i have no screenshots or anything for proof i dont want to directly call her out#since i cant present proof i cant truly prove it and like any random person would be in the right not taking me at my word without proof#oh also i know for a fact she steals meshes from “friends” and claims them as her own#:)#yeah she's a MAJOR piece of shit#sorry i dont post much here anymore#i miss it but i see her mentioned EVERYWHERE and i just cant#its literally triggering#which may sound dramatic but if you knew th efull story you'd know
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
GOD. I AM OBSESSED WITH HIM.
#AUUUUGH. HE HAS INVADED MY BRAIN WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM.#YES THIS IS ABOUT BASIL#JESUS chRIST#I DONT NEED TO STUDY HIM UNDER A MICROSCOPE I NEED TO DISSECT HIM!!!!!#I NEED TO TEAR HIM TO SHREDS BUT ALSO GIVE HIM A HUG BUT ALSO#FFFUCK. so needless to say#omori spoilers#ahead#WHY DOES HE GIVE ME EMOTIONS. WHY IS HE LIKE THIS.#like jesus its always the character thats ready to sacrifice themselves for someone they barely even talk to but they meant so much to them#that every memory they had of them before things turned for worse made them protect them anyways and only stayed alive because they knew#that dying would only cause this person more pain then theyve already been given and that would defeat the purpose of their entire#will to live. god. he needs therapy#and anxiety medication holy shit#HE WAS 12!!1!!! HE WAs FUCkING 12!! FUCK#okay but Im also impressed like. you were 12. and you got away with it. like was there no autopsy?? did they hide the wounds?? ANYWAYS#IM NO FUCKING OKAY#“they're comfortable. simple modest and perfect.” AUUUGH.#bitch got decapitated in an elevator#final words “I think I'm stuck :/”#absolute legend (im sobbing on the floor)#omori only saves hs basil when he knows he can reset it all and forget again#stranger isnt as aggressive when hes facing the truth doNT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON STRANGER#“on that day when you became nothing I was split in half. which do you think was more painful?”#AAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.#AAAAAAAAAA.#tHAT IS SO FUCKING VAGUE HONEY WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#is he referring to the existence of stranger?? or sunny being a part of him?? IS IT SOMETHING ELSE???#THE FUCKING LORE YOU CAN MAKE UP ABOUT THIS GAME#STRANGER HONEY. CLARIFY. PLEASE. BUT ALSO DONT THIS IS HALF THE FUN
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
seeing people go on about how naive and foolish and blind and stupid utena is and i’m just sitting here like. she’s 14! i disagree strongly with the idea that utena is willfully or maliciously ignorant. like yes, while i think she does often fail to fully comprehend whats happening (especially in the last arc) she’s also finding herself in increasingly horrifying and new situations with no point of reference for how abnormal it all is?? she is doing her very best to make sense of things as a 14 year old child who has no parental figures or guardians, no friends who aren’t also somehow in on the manipulation happening to her, nowhere to go outside of ohtori. and that is on top of trying to navigate her experiences and identity as a queer and gnc person!!!! i feel like folks are wildly overestimating the comprehension the average closeted teenage lesbian has of systematic heteropatriarchiarcal cycles of abuse! she’s literally 14!!! save the scorn for the willfully ignorant for akio
#idk. ig it feels a little victim blamey to me?#not saying it Is that just that it Feels that way#i think the self-blame she experiences for failing to realize sooner is at least IMO internalized victim blaming#anthy and utena both blame themselves for shit that is fundamentally Not Their Faults#theyre each like wow im a horrible person for getting caught up in this cycle of violence and dragging this person i care for down with me#when like#idk yall i think the problem deserving of scorn is the teenager fight club run by a serial r*pist 💀#THIS IS just my opinion i would love to know other ppls perspectives#this isnt vagueing anyone i just see that sorta take a lot and im like#idk! its not a Wrong interpretation or anything but it just rubs me the wrong way#idk maybe i just see a Lot of my younger self in utena akhejshsjs#& ive been thru this sort of situation where bad shit is happening to u and u dont know its bad because you have zero frame of reference#utena tenjou#rgu meta#rgu spoilers#rgu#revolutionary girl utena
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
So I'm really into genealogy and have been for a few years now and I'm blessed with being really good with names and dates etc. So in conversation I can remember like a ridiculous amount of:
Jane Doe Smith Johnson
b. 1805 Tennessee d. 1879 Missouri
Married 1828 to John Patrick Johnson. Had five children. Died of TB
Etc etc
And that's cool enough apparently but I've mostly been using it for
A. Making up bullshit but real sounding names for stuff (i.e my name is Emily Stewart, Grace Kolár, etc). The point is that they're normal sounding and varied.
B. Having a bizarre frame of reference for historical events. Like "oh [small town],[state] 1942 had [random] event happen? My 1st cousin 4x removed got married there that year, small world!"
It's so dumb, like I'll read about some historical event from my area (where I've had family in the vicinity of since the 1840s) and I'll link up the time frame in my head and be like hmm... I wonder what 3rd great aunt Helen thought about that happening next door to her church.
#anyways im haunted by my ansesters and their lives#and driven actually crazy when i hit a dead end until ive solved it#like if i dont figure out credibly who my 3rd great grandfather's parents are soon im genuinely going to lose touch I'm serious.#i realized the other day that id been 'investigateing' it since Jan 2021 DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFERENT MY LIFE IS COMPARED TO THEN?!#and I'm not like casual.. I am multiple times a week searching the LoC as well as physical genealogical libraries for records#it lives in my brain like a tumor#he was born in 1857 in 'western' America this isn't fog of shit#its goddanm out there!#part of the obsession is because this particular ancestor is where my surname came from#he's my paternal paternal paternal grandfather.. yea... I'm just like curious as to specifically where my surname originated#sometimes especially on my mom's side I can track this shit down to a specific small european towns and I can find neat historical stuff#but this guy is just a fucking mystery#he appears in Oklahoma in the 1870s has like 15 children and then offs himself after losing money gambling#oh my god im actually ranting#and I guess it bugs me more than others because he has a very prominent newspaper trail#there are tons and tons of mentions of this guy#he has a long ass obituary but nobody ever fucking mentions where he came from other than like vague ass statements#his obituaries literally contradict each other too#I have searched everywhere for any misspelling of this guy's name#but his name is very easy to spell it's freaking William and the last name is very easy as well its a third person singular verb#ugh#anyways#ive cooled off#geneology#is interesting as fuck honestly
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
objectively a stupid thing to get irritated or upset by, but i really hate when people at the centre try to tell me how lucky i am for the life i live or how good i have it, esp when they tell me they had it sooooo much worse when they were my age. they do not know me. they do not know my life. they have no idea what my situation is.
they see somebody who is exceedingly polite and unerringly kind and shows up in nice clothes most of the time. they see that i draw in a sketchbook. they see that i work on the jigsaw puzzle. they see that i hold the door for people. they see that i greet people and ask people questions about themselves in a way that makes others feel seen and heard and appreciated.
now what the fuck are they getting from that that makes them think they know anything about me or my mental health or life situation!!! if anything they should be curious because I share so little about myself with people, I tend to keep things focused on others because that's safest for me. do they not question why i am at the mental health centre so often if i apparently seem like i have such a great life ????
#and perhaps this is oversharing but i have literally been keeping relapse cuts hidden under my sleeves almost all week long lmfao#which feels... fitting for this. symbolism moment lol#also i know people are self-absorbed esp if they have mental health shit going on#and i know i think about others way more than the average person. but like. cmon. do not assume all that shit about me#it was really fucking hard not to snap at this one lady today who is always telling me how lucky i am for what she assumes i have in life#maam allow me to just push up my shirt sleeve like two inches. do you see? shut up! shut up! you don't know me!!!#and i AM aware of how good i have it compared to others. i have food. i have shelter. i have the centre to spend time at during the week.#i have my old lady group once a week if i choose to attend. i have enough social awareness to function somewhat in society#i have some very nice belongings that i get to call my own. clothing that i like. public transit system. some craft supplies.#there are good things. there are privileges that i am lucky to have. i see this and i am grateful for it.#but there is also a lot that i am massively struggling without. safety for one. a family that actually cares for me. mental stability!#emotional stability too lmfao! enough energy to do more than 1-3 tasks in a day! affordable food or perhaps just a form of income!#i dont know. i'm just really tired and frustrated with people. its unfair of me to be frustrated w them bc yeah i guess i do look like-#-i have it together on the outside to people. and all these people struggle with social awareness and etiquette so... sigh.#i should not be annoyed but i am struggling to be patient with these people when they assume this shit about me#because there isn't really anything i can say to them other than nodding vaguely and smiling. like i can't argue lol#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#self harm tw
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yknow what I'm vaguing a post here instead of directly getting into discourse
Hey did you know fun fact you can go 'hey transmisogyny is a problem this site has and you all really need to examine it and make sure you're not contributing' without calling other trans people 'cis people who don't wanna call themselves cis' .
You can express grievances over the way language made by transfems for transfems gets stripped away from them without deciding to punch down on nonbinary people too did you know that wow cool fantastic whoda fucking guessed that one huh. Amazing god damn news
#behind the tent#I guess as a nonbinary person with a weird relationship to girlhood I took some replies a little personally but lmao be glad Im vaguing here#and not getting into shit with other ppl#the entire post was a good one too i wouldve reblogged it if it wasnt immediately soured by the notes </3#I mean I can readily admit Im not transfem or a trans girl and even if I wish I was Im just not . Im TME and AFAB and I do not feel rigbt-#-calling myself that . Im not gonna police other ppl but I do not want fo steal those words for myself#but just because you dont understand how someones gender works doesnt mean theyre 'cis who wants to feel special'#Policing other trans people scuks fucking in general but#hhghgh Ive been fighting both feeling ljke a Fake Tranny and at the same time realizing I think I do actively feel dysphoria and#It just got me angry to be fucking shot down after slowly accepting the former finally bloke cant feel confident abt shit for fuck anymore#im sorry I know its prob mot my place to speak on issues ljke this but im mad#turning reblogs off just in case i dont want this shit spread this is a vent post and does not need to be made mpre important than it is#neg
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
one of the things that really pisses me off about fandom (in general but it seems 10x worse in the ofmd fandom in specific) is some peoples determination to jump to the worst possible interpretation of any scene with a character they dont like in it. its suddenly not reasonable to read the silly jokey scene as it was indended, we have to assume X character is acting in bad faith because why would he not. if you substituted it with any other person you would not see these readings, but because its someone they dont like we can't possibly read it any other way. im all for reading into the text of the show and analysing and extrapolating from it, but some of the takes i have seen seem so out of left field from the actual show that it feels hard to assume the people writing them are doing it for any reason other than blind hatred of a character.
#vague bc im not trying to start shit i just. am so tired of this!!!!!!#also a rant because i have seen 3 posts with just the most godawful takes in them im tired!!!!! im not even seeking it out#like if you want to read that line as racist then i guess i cant stop you#but have you considered the half a dozen more straightforward readings i could come up with in the time it takes you to say its racist#but thats just me#nyxtalks#i feel like i should put a critical or canyon tag on this or whatever so its blacklist friendly but also i dont want it to get picked up#im not trying to get into arguments over this im just trying to let out the shit thats eating at me#im fully down to hear good breakdowns of the text. im not here to pretend izzy did 0 things wrong#and i can acknowledge i read some of his actions from a good faith leaning angle.#idk its just. an incredibly frustrating thing to see#and dont get me wrong. ive seen it in other fandoms too. i can think of one in particular with super heavy bashing fics#from both sides in a way that felt. unfair to the narrative#AND. i see it with ed too. i see so many fics that are just so mean to ed out of nowhere.#and i hate it there too#i dont know#ill probably delete this later#(maybe this is just me keeping my mind busy)
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mental illness is insane I'm just having dinner w my father eating this a little too spicy pasta enjoying the Yeowch on my throat and the silence and suddenly I'm like yeah I'd kill myself.
#luly talks#i mean it came from out of nowhere grieving but it's so bizarre#like i just got hit by this very heavy rock in my skull this overwhelming and genuine urge for a second that yeah that'd be ok#that's the correct path to take and there's no physical changes i just kept on chewing on my all too spicy bc he used the wrong condiments#pasta. like sure i was a little zoned out maybe if you paid close attention you'd have seen my eye getting lazy or something but like. thats#it. and i always in zoning out#like this wasn't even an intrusive thought those come out of nowhere and just are echoing chambers of fear and shame#this was a calm resolution like yeah. that's the way to go alright.#y'know kind of unrelated but i always wish i had someone to talk about some mental health things i cant w my therapist#more on the speculative diagnosis thing. if you dont know what i mean shame on you for not keeping up with the Luly lore /silly#it's really hard being neurodivergent and im not talking about autism rn that i can manage but gestures vaguely its hard when it's#a group project. it's hard when everything is so fuzzy#because sometimes i tell myself i only think of this bc im all day alone and thinking but like#what. am i supposed to be getting non stop stimuli 24/7 least i realize i hsve something in my skull going on?#i blame my mother for that one she always made me ashamed of being sick or whatever acting like it was my fault#like me noticing symptoms was equivalent to me making them real#as if that wasn't just absurd like. the symptoms are here you twat. I'm not placebo effecting myself w shit#even the ppl who do like. the symptoms are real.#aaahhh siiiiigh yet another common L#brain stuff
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
im sorry that i cant sit with everyone im sorry that i cant give everyone all of my time im sorry im sorry im sorry
#im going thru it!#and its not that i particularly like a lot of people i just have a hyper rational brain that tells me to give people attention#because it is both polite and good for their personal development to be supported i dont fucking know#honestly why do i do this shit. i hate that im like this#there are like 5 people in my life that i would genuinely sit down w/ because i like them and not because i pity them#these are people i find to be equally or more talented than me#not vaguing anyone by the way i just. i just hate how my brain works#yap#so im sorry if it comes off as me pitying people because thats what it is#im literally the worst person
4 notes
·
View notes