#its true reality
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Me, a person who has experienced a very traumatic death of a loved one in her life and is an atheist:
Me: Heaven better be fucking real, because the Fast and Furious cast has got to meet Brian again 🥲
#they are ruining me#maybe im projecting#they lost paul but they also lost brian and i can't explain why that hurts me#maybe its cuz movies 7 8 9 10 show the aftermath of death#its true reality#living after losing someone#having to live with missing them#fuck this#the fast and the furious#fast and furious#paul walker#brian o'conner#vin diesel#dominic toretto
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IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder
╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher
#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies#(more thoughts at the end of the tags)#shameless#shamelessnet#shamelessedit#ian gallagher#cameron monaghan#*macygifs#bipolar disorder#hello pals how are we doin#i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags#and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes)#i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation#that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day#world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder#which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life#while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life#and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines#over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful#i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended#hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles#world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder#and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized)#it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all#it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen#so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can.#we are worth it#i promise#anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder#go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives
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As much as I love fleshing out Thranduil's character and family history and I enjoy worldbuilding for Eryn Galen and the Silvan Elves, it's also often a disheartening past time because.
Upon observation of the fandom, you often get that sense that most Thranduil lovers just want writers to quit yapping about pesky details and give them the one-shot Reader Insert smut.
#this could be true for other characters#but i think its especially true for characters like Thranduil#he IS sexy so i guess it cant be helped??#check the notes on Thranduil x Reader fics if you dont believe me#it's just....i just dont... even write smut#so i must make my peace with this reality#and ive mostly come to accept it i guess#im just gonna keep going#by the way if you're one of the few who DO like the character development worldbuilding and headcanons#and engage with me#you are precious beyond words#i do this for me AND YOU#Thranduil
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spent a month mashing two of my long term hyperfixations together into an AU, bone apple teeth
I wouldn't consider this a crossover as much as an inspired AU because autism brain drew parallels between the two narratives and I think it would be fun to explore the earlier years of the apocalypse, before the world is absolutely decimated (alongside many of the resources), before the fam loses Donnie and Raph, et cetera. I have Plans™
Paying homage to this iconic panel from The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: National Anthem:
Still finalizing each of the bro's code names, but here are the initial drafts and close-ups of their designs:
Riff-Raph
Donamite
Antimatter Master-Plan
Magic Mic
#louder than god's revolver and twice as shiny#*blends Danger Days and Kraang!Timeline future in my brain* oh we cooking now#representation for early invasion mutant turtle teens my beloved#before they truly see the full extent of the Kraang conflict#I think they originally went into the bad timeline seeing this as a fight they could win#like the season 1 finale against shredder!Draxum#the grim reality is something that dawns on them later#but if the kraang hate one thing its persistent hope and authenticity#what could beings that prize power and assimilation despise more than those fighting them seemingly not taking them seriously?#we be we!! embrace the turtle baby /ref#there's this vision of the turtles speeding through the outskirts nyc jamming to loud music and blasting the hell outta Kraang hounds#fyi this AU is inspired more-so by the Danger Days album and The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: California than National Anthem#guess which killjoy each bros outfit is inspired by :) guess :)))#the fabulous mad dogs au#tfmd au#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#tmnt#rise of the tmnt the movie#explodingstar art#rise donnie#rise mikey#rise raph#rise leo#tmnt au#rottmnt kraang timeline#danger days
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Sight of a Star - Blue-ish Star Ryōshū and Don Quixote
#HERES HOW BLUE-ISH STAR BELIEVERS CAN STILL WIN I PROMISE#Rendering sucks but I do like how these look very much. I hate drawing armour. big fan of dramatic shadows however.#but! as for justifications:#B-iS is an abno regarding what one so desperately wants but cannot have - possibly connecting to Blue Star and the paradise-like place-#people wish to reach by throwing themselves into it. though what is offered by B-iS is a much less refined yet as tantalising#given the text of 'The irresistible allure is almost tearing you apart' and the less refined bit being implied by both design#[jagged edges of the actual blue shape and legs like dolls - both unlike BS' much rounder and more naturalistic design]#in short it's the manifestation of impossible dreams - for Don this is her quest for a just knighthood in the City of all places#and for Ryōshū [though idk her source] it is her final work of art - the Hell Screen#when approached one's body is 'pushed away' as if a manifestation of how it is unachievable. at least it is for them#'To be truly blue the one with the true blue must be left alone in one’s blueness.'#is what I interpret as: 'to truly dream the dreamer must be left to one's fantasies'#dreams by nature do not intersect well with reality. all their flaws will be shown and they will crack under the pressure of the real world#it is why the dream pushes them away. to preserve itself. also probably has something to do with how DQ also has void dream#and this abno gives pride boosts in its event. and I personally see pride as a sort of 'self assurance' or 'self above others' so to speak#as to chase ones dreams one must think themselves the exception. as the one that can persevere over the City#plus the HP damage and the various juxtapositions in the 'forward' option may be in reference to how dreams and reality don't mix.#harming those who chase them. though all the same the 'backwards' option shows that simply tossing them aside shall hurt in its own way#to think oneself 'impure' enough to give up on chasing it is all the same resignation on your uniqueness#as for the gift: the name is possibly to do with how lower stars seem easier to reach. and the effect of damage at minus SP....#going insane dream chasing?#but to take ones leave allows for it to be left behind without any further effects. you did not look at your dreams. acknowledge them at al#but are you better off like that? not dreaming? forgetting that brilliantly unfinished star?#but anyways I hope you liked my rambles. also this abno and everything related to Blue Star is so tastefully C flavoured that I love them#and fun fact! when I was first generally mapping sinners to unfightable/EGOless abnos I entirely forgot Ryōshū somehow. which led to this.#they don't have weapons they just kick real hard and it works well enough#limbus company#ryōshū lcb#don quixote lcb#🎠🚬
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Joyce is such a fascinating character to me cause she feels so... defeated? In a way that feels at the same time distinct and very similar to Harry. I think the reality lowdown sometimes gets written off as being manipulative, and maybe there's an element of that, but she's also self-aware and vulnerable in a way I can't imagine a woman in her position would ever be with Harry. And she seems genuinely sad about how everything turned out; she wants to be forgiven by Harry, and if you do, she doesn't feel like she deserves that forgiveness anyways. She's intelligent, and aware of history in a way that real world CEO and economic leader types rarely, if ever, openly admit. She openly regrets the way all that history played out, and it's so fascinating to me that she chose her idealogy and career while knowing and internalizing so many emotions about the revolution. She wanted them to succeed; but she's a survivor, first and foremost.
There's so many characters I wish we would ever get to see more of, but at least for me, Joyce seems like a character I'd really love to learn more about her past. Especially with how she talks about Cindy, it makes me feel like she had a revolutionary streak when she was younger; I doubt it was lost in any way that wasn't boring, life washing away her edges until all that remained was what we see in the game. Maybe it'd make her less interesting to learn more about her, but she's one of the most fascinating characters in the game to me, in a game filled with some of the most interesting and thought provoking characters I've seen in the medium.
#disco elysium#joyce messier#im replaying the game and decided to talk with her for a reality lowdown#this is the highlight of the game in act 1#along with the debrief with kim to me#i feel she's villainized so heavily by the fandom in a way that doesn't really capture whats interesting to me as a character#she's flawed#and straight up evil in some ways#her working with the mercenaries is proof enough of that#but at the same time her positive qualities add so much#to me she's a representative of the best of what a true capitalist is capable of being#and maybe its not a lot#but seeing her with that framing is so interesting to me-#mada rambles
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pairing: nanami kento x fem!reader c/w: implied smut, not canon events but it should be w/c: only 600 words today sorry <3
The way how Nanami tears off his clothes when he gets home: his tie already loosened the second he gets in the car; the dents at the back of his stiff, expensive oxford shoes because he can't be bothered to take them off properly; the trail of clothes left along the hallway as he finally reaches you. You've been waiting for so long for him to come back home, to be in your arms again. All those hours spent in a dull trance, wary and anxious that he's been badly injured from this mission.
The second that the hallway lights spill from underneath the door, you stand up giddily, knowing that he's back.
'My love...' Nanami says breathlessly, the chill from outside still burning on his cheeks. You rush into his arms, relaxing at his touch.
'Thank god you're back, Kento, I missed you so much.'
'I know, honey. I missed you too.'
You help him to unbutton his shirt, knowing how much he hates being in his work clothes. Nanami is eager to kiss you the moment it drops to the ground, hands circling your waist to bring you in closely.
'I quit today. It's all over now,' He pants between your kisses. 'You don't need to worry anymore.'
'What? What's over?" You're praying hard between each second you hold your breath, the day has finally come -
'I quit the job. No more fighting, and no more curses. Today was the last day.'
With his words, you can almost feel how each and every fibre of muscle in his body finally relaxes, how something comes back to life in his eyes again when he looks at you. Something about loving someone so deeply has imprinted on your soul, to a point where you start to think that maybe you become your other half somewhere along the way. Maybe emotions aren't all for one to bear - when one's away, you can still feel the other's suffering.
'When Nanami's happy, you're happy' is an understatement. The two of you are euphoric as you hold each other; Kento sweeps you off your feet as he's unable to contain his joy.
"I might have to burn these clothes forever. I never want to see them again," He sighs after eventually setting you down.
"I know it'd remind you of the past, but Ken," You watch as he kicks the shirt, tie and harness to the side - "I do always love seeing you in a nice suit and tie."
He raises an eyebrow in response, making you giggle. "I'll just have to find a new signature colour for you, won't I?"
"I'd love that, Kento..."
"Come, let me show you how much I love you."
With one swift motion, he's got you in the closest room possible, making sure that the surface he pins you against isn't too uncomfortable - it's a little indecent that he could barely keep his hands off of you in the hallway, but with the way how you look tonight (it's simply the radiance that happiness gives you), he can't help himself. Kento Nanami is a lost man until you give him purpose.
Just as he nips at your neck, he pulls away, blond hair falling into his eyes. "I apologise for coming on so quickly, I just-"
"No need to ask Kento, I want you right now."
He nods, pressing a fervent kiss to your lips, almost shaking when he eventually pulls away. "Mhm?"
"And I'd want you again. And again. It can all be tonight or tomorrow, whenever," You pant between kisses. "We have all the time in the world."
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Death comes to many too often, and even the life of a regular person can be cut short in an instant. Smaller threats outside of jujutsu sorcery still exist. But what's the point in thinking about that? In comparison to Nanami's previous daily life, it feels like nothing can harm him now.
Maybe, just maybe, both of you can grow old together, like this.
#nanami x reader#nanami smut#nanami kento#kento x reader#jjk x reader#jjk#jjk nanami#kento nanami#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#btw i swear i wasnt gonna make this angst and its NOT angst i swear#i just wanted to emphasise that this is my very glorified alternate ending#and there had to be a touch of reality to wake me up bc i will never willingly accept the true fate of nanami my husband#again THIS IS NOT ANGST yes u live happily together for ever in this pretty much
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i think part of why i dont like calling the way i draw myself a "sona" is because im plural. like. this body isnt me at all im just living here. im not even the host im just the marketable one who likes to stream. thats not my sona thats me and i will carve this body into the shape of it if i must
#also yknow like im a therian and all that but its mostly the plural thing tbh#my true forme is not of this reality
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greenie
#i forget to post things here sometimes lol#pokemon#headcanon post#rival blue#rival green#pokemon frlg#pokemon hgss#green oak#blue oak#trainer leaf#i like to joke that the emotional turmoil he went thru in the years leaf left him forced a growth spurt somehow haha#in reality he grew tall normally#but he emotionally matured as well. her departure certain helped put things into a better persepective. he finally comes to realize just.#how much she means to him. almost there boy!! he is so close to realizing the true nature of his feelings for her haha.#its a good thing she comes back
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i don’t know if i’m ever gonna write the fic but i’ve been thinking abt like. the eternal stockade. the implications. lup, a lich who was trapped in a dark featureless cell for a decade completely isolated with nothing to keep her sanity but her own mind. she has to put people in the eternal stockade. how many liches does she see herself in. how many liches started out just like her. how many liches are truly too far gone. and the only liches we ever see other than her and barry are edward and lydia. they’re certainly evil, but mad? they seem pretty sane. they’re not, like, tattered echoes of souls, they’re definitely still people. even as much of a grudge as lup surely has against them, wouldn’t they remind her incredibly strongly of herself? do they deserve to be trapped just like she was? for eternity? isn’t eternity what turned john to existential despair in the first place?
#mine#taz balance#taz lup#lup#like idk i think lup’s down to kick necromancer ass but when it comes to being like. WARDENS of a PRISON. would that not be uncomfortable??#but like taking the job is the only way to avoid HER being thrown in prison??#idk the raven queen being a cool & chill goddess boss is definitely fun but when you actually think abt it#i don’t think i’d agree with her. i think if i lived in that world i’d think she were sort of evil#which like also to get into the hunger vs authority its not very explored because its not at all the point#the hunger is meant to be nihilism and despair and dissatisfaction its at its core an emotional story about joy & love#but like john starts out rebelling against laws. laws of the universe; except that it turns out a being wrote those laws (jeffandrew)#so the hunger is also sort of a force of rebelling against unjust constraints in the pursuit of freedom?#and the heroes end up preserving the status quo and saying you just have to find joy within those unjust limitations#which again. like. the point is that life is unfair and you can find joy and meaning despite it. which is true to real life.#i’m not saying the hunger was right or that despair is the only way or w/e like#yk like taz balance is not a story about society its more about. philosophy i guess#the point is that life’s really hard and you find meaning anyway and that’s preferable to despair and death#thematically for the audience we understand these are standins for ways of viewing reality#and in the real world reality is what it is. its just the world. there’s no authority that writes the laws of nature#like its not a ‘man vs authority’ story its a ‘man vs nature’ story#but IN UNIVERSE nature IS an authority. jeffandrew and the gods. regardless of how much joy you can find in an unjust world#if i lived in it i’d want to make it more just! but anyway like yeah barry & lup working for the raven queen#is kinda an extension on that idea of preserving the status quo#although i guess you could say gods are just forces of nature. theyre not PEOPLE theyre just personifications of existent natural laws#and it ties in w istus and fate as well#although fate is like a comforting guiding force rather than restricting & horrifying#^ pay no attention to any of this i don’t think it really means anything i’m just like. writing thoughts as i have them#not like a hard stance i’m taking just exploring some ideas#any ways#THERES A TAG LIMIT??
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Childhood Antecedents of Multiple Personality - Richard P. Kluft
Q.10 Have you ever gotten angry at other people? I don't think I've gotten angry before. Isn't it kind of disgraceful to get angry?
#milgram#mikoto milgram#Mikoto#mikoto posting#im pretty sure i actually read a lot of this book awhile back but. well. the dissociation do be dissociating bc i dont remember 95% of it#BUT! i DO remember this one specific excerpt!!!! i remember thsi very well#and i remember when i first saw this interro answer i was immediately reminded of this excerpt#but i couldnt remember Where i had seen it so i thought maybe i was just going crazy or something and had made it up--#BUT I FINALLY FOUND IT#''however she had two alternates--'' TRIKOTO CONFIRMED!!??! 😱🤯 /j#tbh mikoto is kinda funny bc he seems fake as shit (and i mean. ig technically he is) and ppl clown on him for it#but in reality he just has DID and doesn't even know hes being fake 😭#its really funny bc its very relatable#mikoto: ive never really gotten angry i dont think :0#john beating up someone behind him with a bat in pure unfiltered rage: so true mikoto youre perfect sweetie
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autism 4 autism javey. you agree
#mummel brainworms#newsies#listen i know jacks fixation on cowboys is him coping with with trauma of being a homeless kid with no future#but with the power of my autism beam i can warp reality as i want it#jack has the type of autism where hes hypervigilant towards social cues on the street in order to survive#and the newsies mostly saying what they mean also helps a lot#but hes a fish out of water in social circles that are not his own#do you get it do you understand#i dont even have to explain davey being autistic because its just true full stop#javey
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I'm caught now, what's the comic about? I'm guessing demons from your tags but I want to know more (without spoiling anything)
I'm so glad you asked.
I wanna say so much but I don't want to spoil anything... I'll do my best.
It's about demons, yes... But also mermaids, curses, murder, and love... The sweetest mermaid in the world gets magically stuck with an asshole demon warlord.
Thrust into a world of crime, murder, lies, and secrets, Luciel is completely out of their depth... And cursed to live in the ocean for the rest of his life, Zagan is a fish out of water.
Zagan is trying to solve the mystery of his own murder, while also navigating trying to cure his new curse AND gathering souls so he doesn't get sent back to hell. While Luciel is happy to tag along, Zagan is new to cooperation and is forced to adapt... And Luciel soon discovers there might have been a BIT more danger than they signed up for.
It follows the two of them as they solve a mystery, uncover new secrets, and navigate the dangers of the world while also discovering its many wonders!
And also maybe falling in love...
This is sort of the vibe... I haven't finished any episodes yet. These aren't canon scenes. I keep drawing just a couple panels or small strips of scenes that MIGHT happen cause I'm so excited it's not even funny I want to make it so bad
I can't stop drawing them it's a problem. I have work I have to do...
#we were legion#GOD ITS SO GOOD ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY#I KEEP GETTING STRUCK WITH NEW SCENES#you guys have no idea how hard this is for me#I have to finish time and time again but it makes me so sad to work on it HAHAHA#I have to go back...#but we were legion is just SO enticing...#ughhhhhh#I have to wait#I have to commit myself to waiting or I'll never come back!!!#that's not true. but#LMAO#I just should wait it's not healthy to split myself between projects.#my goal is for this to be my main source of income#and my goal is for this to uhm. be. NOT with webtoon.#like I'll post it there#but I want to make a living without them#they're getting worse and worse to work for#it makes me need to ask for people's support#and I'm sorry about that#I wish I didn't need money so I could just make you guys comics all day#but the unfortunate reality is SOMEONE needs to give me money for it LOL#and either that's a company who has the ability to cut it short and will take some of the comic from me#or it's my readers...#so. I want it to be my readers...#I just like you guys more HAHAHA#eltrolodecadadia#asks
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Something to just consider is that Armand is a collectivist. Culturally I think this makes sense, considering he would've been raised in his foundational years in that sort of culture that values collectivism over individualism. He's also had to live in several high control environments afterwards, which demanded servitude, where putting himself first would've led to trouble, up to and including death. In the Children of Darkness, for example, the very idea of seeking pleasure at all is against the commandments, and since he is forced to lead this group (under careful surveillance), he can not therefore show if he even wishes to seek pleasure, because this would disrupt the collective thought, and further, place a level of threat upon himself for disobeying the laws he's meant to be upholding. He's at threat that he can be killed for it, because that's how such laws are handled. So he necessarily can not hold an individualistic, self serving, opinion, and hope to live, and lived in that kind of envoirment for centuries. Even the TdV carries on the same sort of traditions to less strict, more secular, degrees. Seeking pleasure in TdV is rewarded, even exhaulted, but the great laws are still imposed to the level of threat which is death, and everyone is always surveilling each other on this matter. He's a collectivist, especially in situations which impose certain, or uncertain threat of violence, for going against the group, or person, as in such a situation being individualistic is perhaps the last thing you may get to ever do. Nothing personally driven, therefore, seems that worth it provided the risk.
Whether he remembers this earliest period of childhood, or not, those sorts of values (likely positive then as things like sharing, community building, reaching mutually beneficial decisions, aid, and consideration of others feelings). Ingrained into his personality, and he doesn't have the kind of amnesia where it appears his personality was fundamentally changed by it. Rather, that since it's more of a dissociative amnesia barrier protecting him from traumas, that his personality would rather be fragmented, as opposed to altered. (Meaning such values are still there, but are now also acting alongside various further alteration to what is means to be in collective. And that if such amnesiac parts ever do surface, it is only reacting as if it is re-experiencing, and in the same context to the trauma. Depending on how complex this part is it could take on further environmental inputs while in this state, developing or simply having, essentially, its own personality... but I digress).
He does things for the group, which can at times only be one person, more-so than he serves himself. Placing what serves situation and context more highly that individual personal traits and feelings. But, by thinking he has no self, he naturally falls to self justifying everything wrongful he personally does, as for the benefit of the group. It's a cognitive distortion which doesn't recognize it's own selfishness because it sees itself as being selfless regardless of actual outcome. Further, this makes it so he takes no responsibility for others actions he may have caused, or to how a situation came about because of himself, if he doesn't then apply having any self to that situation. He'll bend to opinion even if its false, and create or even take on an entire role of falsehood, if he believes it serves a mutual benefit.
He uses this as a kind of shield against the world he must fundamentally view as threatening, and imposing, with very limited spaces of safety. But doesn't impose himself in healthy ways, therefore becomes an enabler of certain toxic behaviors getting out of hand, and creating unsafe environments. Desiring such places being controlled, and predictable, environments, but not fostering what's needed for that, and certainly not in a healthy way. Rather lending to manipulating others, or using threats, or force, to make it so he's secure in this. Again, self justifying that it's for a collectivist benefit. If he does at all recognize his own selfishness it's due to how he's able to come out of his own cognitive distortions, and dissonance, and admit faults and failings. Seeing that hiding his own faults and failings from others is something selfish, and therefore that he does indeed have a self there. In doing so, developing an understanding that he acts as a self in all things, and therefore understanding the effects of his actions are actually his. (Or else falling right back into the distortions). He has to be selfish, in a way, to ever be truly selfless. If that's really his goal.
To want something for itself, as opposed to some other means. To want good, love, and safety, for itself as opposed to what it does. He has to develop a sense of his own idea of these things, in order to form a consistent and more secure identity, not founded or attached to a group or person. And further needs whatever self that is, to be embraced, by himself, and not insecure in how others would react to it. To not be afraid of this self expression and personal desire, thought, opinion, feeling, and so on. By developing his own person he'd be able to better embrace his own bad qualities, even change them. As he then feels he has such agency, and isn't just simply reacting and serving to the world around him. I think there's something in how he changes Daniel which says he is moving in sort of this direction, there's something in how it appears he's roaming around on his own right now that suggests he is on a journey of this sort. I'm not expecting greatness out of it, but I am thinking there will be progress for present day Armand in future seasons. I think he is capable of change, and is not fundamentally as he appears. (And this would align to his narrative arc in the books anyway.)
And just also like I don’t think he knows entirely where the boundaries of anything really are or should be. Between himself and others or like where right begins and wrong ends and so forth. Not a moment in his memorable life, mortal or immortal, hasn't been without the presence of vampires, and therefore conditioned more under vampiric understandings as opposed to human ones. And because he's disconsidering of self, and hasn’t exactly been modeled what these should be, he's not able to function sanely in his environment. He's not sane I think I can say. But I do think he’s someone who learns experientially, and can do that on his own, so where those must lie he’s not in total lack of awareness either.
#armand#armand character analysis#iwtv#iwtv character analysis#character analysis#interview with the vampire#this would explain why he just never sees himself as a true leader of anything but instead a follower forced to lead#and for some people they do just genuinely like submission that's just their own expression of self#but he functions in this form of reality that is actually unreality so he can't even see he's the owner of his own submission.#even if he is doing it because he genuinely likes it and feels its a part of him he views it as someone else owning him as#opposed to himself giving over to be submitted by them#He doesn't recognize how much power he actually has in any situation because he functions on an understanding he has no power of self if no#a self at all to have such power to begin with.#Its gross really because he so obviously is seeking to replicate his relationship with Marius as opposed to a healthier version of it#one which actually honors and recognizes his own person and autonomy and doesn't exact literal master slave dynamics#and by buying into his false reality you are enabling in his own distortions. But they are actually how he views the world#which you can't necessarily just flat out deny without denying his 'person'. But can of course question and challenge.
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anyways will begging hannibal not to lie to him as he drags gideon into his house. yea
#such a brief scene but very real#the juxtaposition of knowing theyre lying and hiding the truth from you#and begging them to tell you cuz you cant stand not knowing anymore#but also praying that its not really true. that there is a reality thats softer#but that softer reality can only exist in a world in which you cant trust yourself#so what is the better outcome?#fic ref#since im clearly projecting at this point that scene lasted 4 seconds
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you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
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