#its the whole concept of being objectified to me

[thelittleprinceconfirmed]

Don't we all love her deep deep down

[dontbesoweirdkira]

howdyyy, what do u think of plat yan! dick grayson (or platonic yan father bruce wayne up to u) with a batsis who is very disinterested with him primarily bc when she was younger she idolised him a lot but now not so much. there are comics where grayson has cheated on his partners before so imagine batsis coming to realise as she aged and matured that her doting brother is a bit of a playboy…. a lot like a playboy actually—

You know, this is actually extremely realistic. There's nothing like the rose color glasses falling off and realizing just how messed up your family truly is.

I'd like to think that there was plenty of jokes and mentions about Dick being a playboy but Batsis would just be absolutely clueless. You probably just thought it was a reference to his charming appearance or the way he gets hit on at least once whenever he goes out. Not really that he was an notorious heart breaker.

Like i don't think the other batkids had serious talks about it in front of you because of your (then) age or maybe it was a request by Dick so he could keep on his perfect mask with you?

Ironically, he wouldn't want any man to treat his little sister (or any of them) the way he does to other women but he has a problem. I will say though, it makes absolute sense that Dick or even the others would have issues keeping relationships or even have sex addictions. I mean it's a real issue that many people are struggling with right now. But can you imagine your father constantly bringing home women and cheating your entire childhood? Like Bruce introduces some of these women to them, they get attached to this potential mother then it's ripped away to be discarded for the new catch. I think that definitely warped Dick's view of women and romance stems from that. *intense mommy issues* But also i mentioned before that it's hard for him to maintain relationships while taking on the fatherly role in the family. His obsession with making sure all of his siblings are cared for and protected(mixed with being nightwing), makes it all the more difficult. Maybe that leads him to just hooking up with and being sloppy in his relationships. Maybe its just a means of stress relief and that causes him to almost dehumanize/objectify the women he "romances".

I'm not saying this is justifiable, cheating is disgusting and his behaviors are something that needs to be corrected regardless of mommy issues but for headcanon sake we are entertaining the concept

I'm not sure how you'd exactly find out about it. Maybe one of the kids let it slip and didn't bother to do damage control because you're old enough now? Maybe you spoke to one of his exes that is still friendly with the batfam? Or maybe your brain started to develop and you realized he wasn't hanging out with that new super model as just friends all night...it was something more and his girlfriend definitely didn't know about it.

Regardless, I think when you finally found out about everything, your world crushed. I don't think you'd hate him but you just feel yucky about the whole thing. Now when you look at him something in your stomach just sinks. You might even wonder if you can trust him. I mean if he's got that much of a problem to be dishonest with his lovers, then why would it be so left field to suggest he lied to you too when he said he loves you or that you were his favorite? The transition from you idolizing him to being standoff-ish would be extremely noticeable to him. I mean it's hard to ignore when you were his mini me. Even as you got older you followed him around and never skipped an opportunity to be near.

He wouldn't think that it was because of the playboy thing, maybe just you needing some space as a teen. Everyone has gone through that phase before but when he notices your shift is only directed towards him, he's a little upset about it. He doesn't understand what he did wrong? One day you guys are eating ice cream together while having a sleepover in his room to you treating him like a disease.

Eventually your big brother corners you and makes you to confess whats bothering you. He apologizes if something he said rubbed you the wrong way but you couldn't keep treating him this way.

"uhm..i dunno, dick? I found out how you've been treating you partners and i think it's kinda gross. I guess i just don't really wanna be around someone who treats women like that right now..."

I think Dick's reaction would be complete shock....who tf told you?! He has no defense but he tries to muster up one before realizing this is just making him look worse when EVERYBODY knows how much of a whore he is lol. He'd back off of you and maybe even mutter an apology before walking away to go collect himself.

He's furious as well...whoever told you will be getting an earful because they just ruined something precious to him. (yeah they did. totally not his OWN actions) If it was one of his brothers, he will be throwing hands.

Dick does very much care about others perception of him, i've said this before. He knew he had a problem and his other siblings have spoken to him about it and it affected him but never enough to change. It's just a far deeper issue than wanting a quick fuck in the expense of his partners...But seeing his baby sister look at him with just so much disgust and disappointment was enough to cause him to spiral. He's not proud of his actions and knows he's hurt and discarded of many, many women for his own satisfaction. It's deplorable. I can imagine him taking maybe a few days to himself, he's just in his head while being overtaken by heavy guilt.

I'm not sure if Dick would actually change for you though? I think he is even debating it. Yeah he's a yandere for his batsis but is his obsession with you enough to kick the other one to the curb? That's up to you. A hopeful person would say, yes he would. Anything for his babybat! He's going to do whatever it takes to prove himself again, anything to make you proud. This habit isn't worth it if hes loosing you.

My opinion? No, he won't change after his guilt wears off. He'll just pretend like he's reborn. Dick would try for like a week and then go right back to doing his habits. He's a manipulative piece of work and yeah, lying to you is bad but he wants his cake and to eat it too. He's not willing to give up anything that gives him a euphoric boost. Shh...what you don't know, won't kill you.

[leon-on-the-froggy-chair]

rambling in the tags like a madman

Leon stans be like "Leon Kennedy would never🥰" "Leon Kennedy would treat me right🥰🥰" when this man's average lines are "women🙄" and "following a lady's lead just isn't my style" and "maybe you're not heartless after all" to a woman who's saved his life 27473 times

[bikenesmith]

i get the surface level appeal of onslaught to xmcu cherik shippers but i think its my duty as a comics fan to ruin the fun and tell y'all that the onslaught saga is a comic story that revived a weird, ableist, & immediately dropped "charles is in love with teen jean grey" line from 1963, all for shock value

the existence of cherik mind mpreg is objectively insane but its difficult for me to feel neutrally about it when it's at least 50% responsible for the existence of 1000 bottom of the barrel clickbait listicles about The Worst Things Professor X Has Ever Done

it also just completely taints the whole concept of their two minds merging. you're telling me the "dark thoughts" charles contributes to the cherik mind meld prominently features... being in love with his teenage student? wow that's sooo romantic /s

(personally im additionally pissed off bc jean & charles' relationship is one of my fave platonic/psuedo-familial relationships in xmen & that dumb BS is always interrupting and derailing conversations about them. not to mention the whole thing is just period typical sexist writing objectifying jean)

not trying to be no fun allowed, im obsessed with the idea of cherik fusion generally + onslaught is an interesting basis for fanworks, but please actually read the comics you talk about 😭 i don't think onslaught should be seen as a "win" for cherik when it involves such major charles character assassination

[officially-other]

hiii! :D i noticed yall liked a few of my posts so i looked at ur blog, yall seem pretty swag ^^

would you like to tell me about you as a dragon? we are also dragonkin and love to learn about fellow dragons ^^

Frog/🐸(The host and the dragon in question.)

Aaa I forgot I had this in here, whoops!

Ohohoho I apologize in advance, you've given me an opportunity to infodump about my kintype. No pressure to read this whole post of course. XD Thank you for stopping by! For some context, my draconic kintype is spiritual and it's a past life in this case. Beyond that I also believe that my "soul's truest form" is draconic so to speak, but my truest form is a different flavor of draconic that I've explored much less. I spend more lifetimes as a dragon than not; this particular draconic kintype is just.. the most useful one to remember and identify as in this life.

I'm an amphithere! We're oceanic dragons, "sea serpents" with feathered wings and fins, and even more specifically we're protectors. My appearance was sort of fluid, and not just in the sense that I could turn into water (I could do that too though) but in the sense that I was what I'd call a "mix and match" shapeshifter. Less "you can switch between forms" and more "Do I want antlers today? Hmmm I could use some for legs right about now. Do I feel like this scale color?" It's like changing clothes. What little I do know about my appearance was that my wings and scales were a sort of light sky blue (sometimes), I had silver antlers, and that my scales often rippled with the light pattern you see underwater/on walls in pools as a sort of camouflage.

Other than that, I know I was a sort of predator; even as a protector of the ocean and its inhabitants, I had my place within the ecosystem. Being in that place was part of protection, as I understand it; you need predators in an ecosystem to maintain population balance and such. I also know that I wore lots of jewelry oddly enough. Specifically long chains with dangly bits draped in my antlers, ears, wings, anywhere you could put them- it was culturally important somehow. There was also, while not always, a bit of an "eldritch horror" aspect to me. I've loved cosmic horror for a long time, but less in the sense that it's what scares me and more in the sense of... awe. Not only that, but self-recognition. I felt seen, in it.

The concept of a being so unfathomably vast and infinite that we simply cannot comprehend it, or that it could cause absolute catastrophe for our entire world simply by existing and without really realizing, etc. etc. drew me in. Turns out, it's sort of... what I was. Except instead of causing utter chaos or anything like that, I just chilled in the bottom of the ocean and considered it's inhabitants to be my own family. I would almost call the creatures in the ocean a hoard of its own in a way, but not in an objectifying sense; in the sense that they were under my protection, and I valued that "job" above all else. Which, as a side note, @friendofcrowsandcats (sorry for the ping) was the person who mentioned that in their canon (if I remember correctly) we were close to merfolk as well. Not only that, but storytellers. Both of those things pretty firmly resonated with me, although at the time I wasn't sure about merfolk but it became more solid the longer I sat with it.

Last tidbit I swear; speaking of being storytellers, I feel as though I've been a storyteller/writer/whatever title you prefer for lifetimes upon lifetimes, similar to how I'm a dragon more often than not. In this life I'm a witch, and I've started to work fiction into my practice in the sense of pop culture practices. I think that as a dragon, storytelling was also a form of magic all its own, just in a bit of a fancier sense than it is now. Weaving a story and weaving reality weren't all that different to my kind, I think.

But I think even now it's a form of magic, if you're like me and you don't mind getting all philosophical about it. Stories can be life-changing, even life-saving, and there's a value in the art of it. The way people/beings engage in fiction can change their worldviews if they let it. I think it's powerful. There's a reason I have multiple tattoos planned that are quotes/designs from fiction. Those stories changed me as a person, or are stories I found a lot of comfort in.

There's a lot of ways my kintype effects me in this life but I think if I make that post it'll be a separate post that's much more thought out.

Anyway, all that wall of text aside; I like being a dragon lol. I think about it a lot. I joke about being a silly little guy so much and then I jumpscare people by also being an eldritch horror, it's very fun.

[kingwuko]

is the concept of virginity a thing in secret? like its something u hold onto cause its special or u just do it? i wonder if wu felt any shame for not waiting until marriage or something like that

WOW. I'm genuinely fascinated that this question is being asked!! I'm cutting it because I may have gone on a small rant at the end 😅

This is such a delicious question you have asked me. Because in Secret, I made a VERY deliberate choice to never mention the concept of virginity, or describe anyone as being 'a virgin'. I wasn't sure if it was something anyone would notice or care about, but it was very intentional.

The short answer is, No. The concept of virginity is not a thing in the world I have created for Secret.

The reason it isn't is purely because it would have been just. TOO MUCH. I literally could not handle trying to add that in. Like. The story itself was already exploring the very fraught topics of internalized homophobia and the fears around coming out. Those topics were kind of the cornerstone of the central plot of Secret. It's the reason they keep their relationship a secret! Wu basically had a whole journey where he came to terms with his sexuality and exploring and experiencing sex with a very safe person, eventually leading to him feeling comfortable with coming out for a few people.

If I wanted to throw the concept of virginity in there too...? I'm just not sure how that would have impacted everything. It also probably would have been more than I have the emotional capacity to explore. Obviously the topic of homophobia is deeply personal and painful to me, and it's been a really interesting thing to explore through writing these characters. The concept of virginity is also something deeply personal and painful to me, but for reasons I'm not sure I can articulate, I don't want to explore the concept through writing. If I ever did explore it, I'm not sure this world and these characters are how I'd want to explore it anyway.

So basically, in the headcanons I have for the avatar universe and for my fic specifically, virginity is not a thing, there's no expectations to wait to have sex until marriage, and the definition of 'sex' itself is kind of nebulous anyway. There is homophobia and heteronormativity, but it varies based on the region and the demographic of people. Where homophobia does exist, the origins are based mostly out perceptions of what's 'natural', tradition, expectations around having children, and keeping up appearances so as not to shame your family/people.

But the act of having sex itself does not hold any deep significance in any of the cultures of the avatar-verse, not the way I imagine it.

I'm sure it doesn't need to be said, but I'll say it anyway because I love shouting this from the rooftops. Virginity, (as in; the concept that there is something about yourself that you can 'lose' by having sex), is not real. There is nothing different about a person before and after they have sex for the first time. The definition of sex itself is dependent on the people involved and how they themselves define having sex. Virginity has historically been nothing more than an imagined state of being unfairly burdening women and used to objectify, control and commodify them.

If someone considers themselves a virgin because they have not had sex, I would never try to disagree with that. You can label yourself however you want! But the overall concept of virginity is a construct. Nothing changes about you physically if you have sex. the only way that sex can change someone's body is if it results in a pregnancy. It's possible that having sex with someone can result in emotional changes but that's not a universal truth.

I'm sorry that was probably an unnecessary amount of detail to answer this ask 😅 No, Wu's not feeling and shame around having sex before marriage. At first he was solely struggling with being gay, and admitting his feelings for and having sex with Mako started him on his journey to shed his internalized homophobia and becoming comfortable with himself and his sexuality. But at no point did he think that he had 'lost' his virginity and feel any guilt or shame about having sex to begin with.

[comfortunit]

ALSO also this is tangential at this point but i love to write fiction with characters who are against or outside of the gender binary and i thought like, an entire series where the characters singularly and only use It for not only the protagonist but another really important character, a fictional universe written to exclude transphobia from the outset with nonbinary minor characters thrown in at random, and you still have people misgendering the fucking protagonist and finding ways to write in misgendering it into the text. at least i could pretend people would respect my character choices when i look at mainstream fandoms but seeing the like rampant transphobia in a series that is trans itself? heartbreaking. depressing. made me want to put down my pen for a whole moment (not even getting into how much "person treated like product/who had their agency invalidated learns how to direct their own life" narratives mean to me and expecting to see people who got that theme instead of. treating it like a product to force to do whatever they want. do people not see the sad irony there. its like seeing an anime girl whos character arc is "people objectify me against my will and i fight against it to reclaim my personhood" and then watching the fandom/company turn around and only sell/interact with highly sexualized shit of her. like i THOUGHT people who were fans of something showing corporate and consumer hypocrisy would be a lil smarter! ive underestimated the average persons ability to be in denial of things and themselves however) ok ok im done sending my silly little asks i hope you have a good rest of your day

right, and a MAJOR theme of mbd is, as martha wells put it (i'm paraphrasing), 'the 'ugly' parts of trauma that no one talks about'. murderbot is traumatized and it's a person but it is repulsed by the idea of being 'humanized'. it just wants to be comfortable after so much time spent being told what to do, what to be, everything. prescribing it pronouns other than what it itself has 'written' in its DIARIES (wow a concept... 🤯 first person pov. fucking mind-blowing, y'all, firsthand experience actually lets you know how someone thinks/feels/perceives things. i know. it's crazy), forcing things onto it, projecting things onto it, that it never opted in to... it's just more of the same. murderbot's ultimate goal is to feel like its own person, it wants to BE. it's literally a struggle for autonomy, and i'm sure humans in-universe and in the fandom alike, they just don't get it, they think murderbot is going about things in a counterproductive manner like "oh if it hates the company so much then why is it still so attached to being a secunit and protocols and all this bullshit?" like god do these people have any fucking idea how trauma works? have they ever understood the trauma of others? my guess is a resounding NO.

and re: my gripes about it being aplatonic and no one fucking caring enough to give it the decency of this canon fact in their fanfic re-creations of it; it GETS MAD at perihelion for trying to FORCE its emotions out. and people write this off!! because they want to believe this is like "aww it's MAD because it LIKES ART" like actually people who care about each other can be terrible to each other! and not everything is secretly cute and adorable! a big POINT of network effect is that ART DOESN'T GET IT; it DOESN'T know what murderbot wants, it DOESN'T know how murderbot feels. it DOES NOT GET IT. the fandom insists on smoothing everything over because the idea that murderbot might have genuine feelings of hate, or intrusive feelings that it both is internally upset with but also embraces... it's like they can't fucking handle this complexity. they can't. they act like they can and they can't fucking handle it, or i wouldn't see it represented so fucking atrociously in fanfic, lmfao.

it's fucking INFURIATING !!!! 🤝

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

some thoughts regarding the latest bnha ep

Okay first of all I find studio bones’ dedication to objectifying Dabi to be hilarious 

Someone really looked at that panel of him lying on the couch and went ‘make him sluttier!!’ 

Small waist, lower set pants so we can see his v-lines, they are really gunning for that fan service quota 

Okay moving on to my actual serious thoughts now: 

So this ep confirmed a long-time theory for me, one that I’ve had since probably before these og chapters were even dropped, and I’ve slowly been getting more sure about 

It seems, to me at least, that Natsuo’s conception was coerced, and that Shouto’s was the result of rape 

Like, we know that Rei consented to having Touya and Fuyumi

Whether or not she wanted Touya is up for debate, but she at least presumably consented to having a child as part of the quirk marriage agreement 

And in Fuyumi’s case it’s literally canon that Rei wanted another kid and thought it’d be good for Touya to have a sibling 

Obviously there’s massive ethical concerns and questions of consent raised by the whole arranged/paid marriage situation, but in and of themselves, those two pregnancies don’t appear to have been opposed by Rei

In the case of Natsuo, Rei initially refused to have more kids, since she knew that Touya knew that Enji was only producing babies in hopes of them having the perfect quirk to surpass All Might, and she rightfully assumed that having more kids would fuck with his metal health and make him feel even more unwanted/worthless 

But Eni basically convinced/coerced her with ‘oh but if we get a kid with the right quirk that’ll finally convince Touya to give up on being a hero and hurting himself in his attempts to become one’ 

So it's possible that she did technically give her consent in that situation, but it was given under duress and she was coerced into it with the wellbeing of one of her other children as a bargaining chip

As for Shouto’s conception,in both the manga and anime we see Enji pissed off/distraught after presumably learning about Natsuo’s quirk or lack of one, (you can pry the quirkless Natsuo hc from my cold dead hands), a shot of Rei’s face looking terrified, and then an immediate cut to her holding baby Shouto looking both relieved and exhausted 

I mean it is possible that Shouto’s conception was coerced like Natsuo’s, but the whole framing of the sequence really makes it feel like Enji got worse with each subsequent kid, his abhorrentness reaching its peak with Shouto 

Yeah so the implication there is… dark as all hell 

But also narratively fascinating to me, 

Like Shouto literally canonically barely regards his own abuse, he hates Endeavor because of what he did to his Mom (and his siblings)

There's definitely some resentment there over how he was isolated as a kid, and literally a product of selective breeding, but the bulk of Shouto’s feelings towards Endeavor, at least pre-sports festival, definitely read more as ‘I hate you for abusing Mom’ rather than ‘I hate you for abusing me’ 

(this is because Todoroki Shouto is an incredibly, incredibly kind person who puts the pain of his loved ones above his own, and who feels/hurts so much more for others that himself and augh he's such a sweetheart I love him sm but I need him to gain some self esteem right this instant) 

Like, we know canonically that he blames Endeavor (and not Rei at all) for the burn on his face, but he also seems to carry some guilt over it himself?? As if it’s somehow his fault he happens to resemble his Father a bit??

We know he at least felt bad enough about being similar to his Dad (again, something that he has no control over) to not use his fire in combat for roughly 10 years 

So the thought of Shouto, who was already well aware that his birth was both the result of a paid marriage that his Mother likely got very little say in, and a literal eugenics experiment by his Dad with the sole goal of producing and shaping a child into the perfect pawn to surpass All Might, also learning that his conception was the result of sexual assault/coercion?? 

The angst potential there is unlimited and totally fascinating 

Obviously a shounen manga aimed at, like, 12 year olds isnt gonna get into topics that deep past making some vague, dark, implications, but it's all food for thought nonetheless 

Speaking of dark as hell implications: 

I don’t know if it was already there in the manga and I just missed it like a dumbass or if Horikoshi added it in after the fact when he was consulted for this season’s production 

But the implication that Shouto awoke his quirk as a baby specifically as a result of Touya lashing out and attacking him??? 

That shit had me reeling

Like augh the fucking tragic irony of Touya, desperate to just be paid attention to by his father, being the one to inadvertently bring out Shouto’s quirk, the very thing that made his dad fully give up on him 

And of course, of course, Shoto would awaken his quirk in self defence from a family member attacking him, of course a character who’s whole theme is family and abusive/dysfunctional dynamics, and origin, would have his power awoken in that way 

It also, just, adds a whole ‘nother layer to the whole chapter 39 ‘it’s your power isn't it?!’ / chapter 352 ‘Yes, this is my power’ parallel 

(Todoroki Shouto is the character of all time I love him with every bit of myself I swear)

Okay quickfire round because I still have lots more thoughts about the Todoroki family: 

It was already upsetting enough in manga but the scene of Endeavor yelling at Rei and slapping her as Shouto screams and cries and tells him ‘not to bully Mommy’?? Literally had me physically flinching 

I will never be anything but and Endeavor hater okay I don’t give a shit about his redemption arc I need that bitch dead 

Can’t wait for the ‘Dabi is a misogynist’ discourse to once again get reignited 

Obviously his attitude towards Rei and Fuyumi isn’t okay, but Touya was a child abuse victim lacking in the maturity to see that his Mother and Fuyumi were just as much victims as he was 

And to be fair, whilst Rei certainly was also just as much a victim, and didn’t have any power in the situation of her marriage, I do feel that Touya’s resentment towards her, as a child who believes that its his Mom’s job to look after him, is a bit warranted, not necessarily right, but warranted 

Speaking of bad faith discourse regarding Touya’s actions, if I see one more ‘him attacking baby Shouto makes him just as bad as Endeavor’ type take I’m melting my fucking phone 

How are you gonna look at a 13 year old, self harming, victim of child abuse, with such a warped sense of self worth that he is literally desperate for even a hint of his abuser’s attention/approval, lashing out in jealousy at the sibling who has replaced him and made him, in his Father’s eyes, a worthless failed experiment, and go ‘oh he’s just as bad as the grown man who made the active decision to beat his wife and kids???

The lack of reading comprehension in the bnha fandom is unreal but especially regarding the Todoroki’s 

In a similar vein I literally cannot deal with people who victim blame Rei, or Fuyumi and Natsuo, for not ‘getting Shouto out of that situation’ or ‘being complacent in his abuse even as adults’ 

Like ohhhh my godddd literally all of them were victims in an extremely unbalanced power dynamic, that's the whole point

Please go back to middle school English class since obviously you all were too busy doodling eyes to pay any attention

also I hate that Hawks, of all people, has more sympathy for an abuser that his victims

‘Even if what Dabi said about the Todoroki family was true, I’m sure things are different now’

Sir literally what reason do you have to believe that??

Hero worships rots your fucking brain I guess

Ok finally I have some thoughts about that lil preview we got of the vestiges: 

I hate Shinomori’s colour pallate so fucking much I hate I hate it I hate it 

I always imagined him with white/lavender hair, and silver eyes, and a purple hero costume with purple scars on his face from quirk overuse/incompatibility like Nine from Heroes: Rising 

I hate the blonde hair I hate the green costume it's all so so ugly I hate it all

HOWEVER 

Since he was first introduced I have pictured the 2nd user with pink/coral hair, AND I WAS FUCKING RIGHT 

The wave of smug vindication I felt upon seeing that his hair colour was practically identical to what I’d imagined him with was unreal 

I’m not too sure how I feel about the 3rd user with light blue hair?? I always imagined it as light brown or dirty blonde

I think what colour his eyes are and how they animate Fa Jin is really gonna decide for me whether I like it or not 

I pictured En’s costume as dark blue denim (kinda like Jeanist) and whilst the red isn’t bad, the opposite actually, I kinda miss that mental image 

Vestige Might should be glowing and flickering like a fire, not just a collection of gold swirls, do him justice!!! 

Okay I'm done 

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Hiii i am the anon who wrote the feedback to the minsung fic. Thanks for the quick reply.

I understand all these points amd readers inexperienced role and minho only allowing it for so long cause he loves her etc buuuut thats just details in a scenario i, as a person, personally do not like.

A poly relationship (in my personal opinion) only works as a concept for me as a thrupple.

Like only if all three Parties are equally in love with each other. Two friends, guys, people (no matter if they deep down harbor feelings for each other aswell or not) or whatever literally sharing a partner without being in s relationship with each other aswell, always has the bitter aftertaste of objectifying in most cases.

'We share her'

'She is mine and yours'

Even if its treated with more Respect than they show in this fic, a person being with two seperate people in two completely seperate relationships, just... is a concept that gives me goosebumps.

I just think if i read poly fics as a thrupple, there are still many options for angst (omg hit me up if you ever wanna do that, my ideas are endless haha)

Again. It has nothing to do with your writing or story telling. I loved the writing snd i know relationships like that exists, this one is just not for me personally.

Hope i made sense haha

Have a nice day

Ps: still looking forward to a part 2 if you make one cause all your stories are so captivating

Of course of course, it was my day off, I try to respond as fast as I can to asks, especially feedback asks. <3

I completely understand, and the concept as a whole was very new to me in writing and in general. I personally couldn't be in a situation like that at all, especially the way that I wrote it in the fic. I'm too awkward for that, and I'd feel like it's inherently cheating, even if boyfriend #1 is taking me to see boyfriend #2.

I will definitely hit you up for more... healthy???angst ideas LMAO for poly asks.

It made sense though, and I really really appreciate any kind of feedback and commentary about my fics. If enough people want a part 2, I'll definitely write it. The problem with writing part twos for fics like this though is like... Do I make reader say no to both of them? And if not... Who do the readers actually want to end up with? It's hard, like... Some people might want to choose Jisung and others might want Minho and I want to give everyone what they want.

[re-strictedaccess]

The Neverending History of Discrimination

Hi! It's Teddie - let's talk discrimination.

I recently had the opportunity to read Mar Hicks’ “A Feature, Not a Bug” where Hicks discussed the explicitly ingrained role of gender discrimination and privilege in Silicon Valley and technology as a whole. One particular quote stuck out to me:

"[…] gender discrimination is baked in to the structures of high tech economies themselves, a critical part of their focus on concentrating power in the hands of those who already traditionally wield it. Gender discrimination is not a bug—it’s a feature."

What interested me the most was the way that Hicks’ article describes exactly how gender, sexuality, racial, ethnic, and other discrimination was incorporated into the evolution of modern technology, so that not only does it enforce pre-existing biases and prejudices against marginalized identities, but it also hides it behind a relatable valuation of talent. This connected deeply to a philosophical author George Yancy, who introduced the white gaze into a discussion of embodiment for racialized bodies. In his essay, “Confiscated Bodies,” Yancy literally coins the term white gaze to represent the way that in his, and quoted, experience, white people look and otherwise physically interact with “black bodies”. Interestingly, Yancy discusses the way that black bodies are singled out; objectified, sexualized, “problematized” – just for existing against a backdrop of white “normalcy”. By establishing a social norm of whiteness (this can be similarly extended to ability, beauty, gender, sexuality, and other races), the world, we, have conditioned the “abnormal” (those deviating from our previously established norms) to be something to be seen, confiscated, even owned. Then, even in situations where no one is being explicitly racist (/sexist/ableist/etc – you get it), these ingrained concepts of normalcy are still portrayed and act discriminatorily against these marginalized groups. This is exactly what Hicks is discussing, just on a larger scale; even if this scenario wasn’t intentional, it still allows these misguided norms to persist and exist despite decades of protest.

What’s more, Hicks perfectly describes another behaviour that Yancy writes about in his text: where this “metanarrative structure of whiteness” a large portion of its power is the fact that each time the white gaze acts, regardless of how intense the act might be, it continually suggests that racism (among all discrimination) is something that is historical, something natural, something not man-made. But this is false – racism is not a historical fact, it majorly came into play when colonizers stole human beings from their homes and treated them like garbage.

All those arguments that say we’re naturally trained to recognize abnormalities, that ancient civilizations were also racist, that it takes a long time to unlearn racism, are just not true. Sure, we as humans have exceptional pattern recognition, and can isolate things that don’t fit that pattern – but nowhere in that psychology does there exist a natural tendency to point out these differences and shame or discriminate against them. And unfortunately, the sentimentality that some people have for these “historical” acts of discrimination are not only unfounded, but just completely not an excuse…? Just because several generations were raised believing that the colour of your skin determines your worth, that does not mean you have any right to believe that same thing. Be better than them. (Like honestly, they also believed the sun revolved around the earth. But also, people still believe the earth is flat. So do with that what you will.)

(LMAO)

As Hicks claims, there’s not really any way we can just add more women to the field of technology, or idolize the women that make it far (because this only engenders more discriminatory behaviour by recognizing the outliers, or special cases of success). Unfortunately, we can’t demand these racist, ableist, sexist, “misguided but destructive” technologies and social constructs to collapse, as it would be impossible to undo everything that has already happened and start at the very beginning. But what we can do is see these hidden forms of misogyny, racism, discrimination, and from them learn how we can better understand one another as human beings and stop being “trapped by its negative effects”.  

[evelynpr]

With the idea of the og post, to me yandere!Ayaka just doesn't make sense because literally her main story is about being able to move on from losing the people she loves (most evidently her parents). Not only is she, you know, a sweet and loving person in general, she is Selfless.

She would never put her own needs above the traveler's because she loves how free, kind, and proactive they are in their life. For Ayaka to be the person to HOLD THEM BACK from that freedom is just a betrayal of who she is and the story she tells.

However, yandere!Ayaka CAN BE DONE WELL!!! Because a major theme for her is moving on from her past loved ones, BUT still yearning for her own freedom and happiness. She may be overly attached to the traveler, heck she almost idolizes them in her mind, so it would be interesting to see her fall back to her habit of overly attaching herself to someone in fear of losing them, and even using her political influence and "sweetness" to that effect. This is a cool and sexy concept if you do it well.

But like, you nearly never see that portrayal because the writing for most "just a nice girl" Genshin characters just flies over people's heads. Next thing you know there's a meme about how her banner might last forever, then leading to a joke of her being Overly Possessive of the traveler, then now she's a yandere because...Aether gets All the girls hahahaha sooooo funny. It's fine for memes okay, but actual characterization??? No? Can you not read?

I personally don't believe that "Aether harem" per say ruins everything (I mean I made a whole post about it), but its the "insultingly simplified characterization of female characters that align with the common harem trope" that makes Aether harem culture annoying to me. It's fitting these characters with such beautiful narratives and themes to such an objectifying and small mold, especially women.

do you ever read a take so bad you can't even be mad about it you're just like... ohhhhhh they must be stupid </3 so sad for them

[phoenixyfriend]

Vader Tries to Help

People encouraged me to share the dead dove concept! Yay! It’s a horrible concept with an undertone of comedic absurdity in the sense that you keep waiting to see what awful, incredibly stupid thing Vader is going to do next. Like it’s horrifying but it’s also very dumb.

By moving forward into the fic, you acknowledge that this is intended to be dark and liable to be upsetting, and that you are taking responsibility for your own engagement with the material.

This AU was helped along on discord by several parties but tbh I’m not sure how many of them actually want to be named.

Warnings: Mutual Extremely Dubious Consent (forced by a third party), drugging, irrational behavior (Vader), nonconsensual body modification, forced pregnancy, imprisonment, threatened torture of a child (not followed through on)

----------

Vader captures Obi-Wan a few years into the Empire. Because Vader is Anakin, but even worse on the emotional bullshit, he decides that he needs to keep Obi-Wan safe but harmless. Vader also got Luke in the whole 'capturing Kenobi' situation, so part of what Vader's thinking about all this is that Obi-Wan tried to protect The Baby and so Vader kind of owes him, obviously.

Palpatine lets him keep Obi-Wan "safe," because threatening Obi-Wan is a convenient way to make Vader shut up and do what he's told. Palpatine can kind of tell that threatening the toddler would make Vader lose his shit and attempt to kill good ol' Palps, so threatening the middle-aged depressed alcoholic being kept in Vader's guest room with Force-nullifying cuffs is pretty good. It's an additional layer of emotional torture on top of the electrocution of Vader himself!

Vader has Obi-Wan taking care of Luke, mostly, because Vader has Obligations and A Job, and Obi-Wan wouldn't hurt Luke, duh. He might try to escape with the kid, but he won't be successful, and Obi-Wan will definitely put Luke's safety first, so that probably won't happen.

This is all fairly normal for a variety of AUs, granted, and not very dark.

But see, Obi-Wan behaves. He's aware of how tenuous the situation is for him and his charge, so he plays nice. And Vader decides to reward that.

By giving him Cody.

There's an implied thought process there that Obi-Wan was fond of Cody, and Cody was fond back, and now that the Jedi aren't around, they can follow through instead of worrying about some silly Code. Vader's nullified the orders to kill all the Jedi, of course, possibly dosed their food with an aphrodisiac so they don't try to talk themselves out of What They Obviously Want.

Now, we’re going to make it a little darker, because why not make things worse by having Vader try to make things better?

Vader somehow twisted himself around to encouraging them to have a baby. This is accomplished through a combination of Sith Magic and nonconsensual surgery, and lots of questionable drugs.

Obi-Wan just wakes up in a hospital bed with a womb one morning, and is informed of the surgery then and there, after it’s already happened. The droid telling him about it is just like "in the Lord Vader's infinite kindness--" and Obi-Wan just.

Anakin.

What the fuck.

What in the actual fuck made you think this was a good idea.

(The Sith Chemicals, probably.)

I feel like Palpatine would maybe even order the pregnancy induction just to torture them by proxy because that's like eight levels of Fuck No and he barely has to do anything except tell Vader that he'd like to see what kind of children a Jedi Master like Obi-Wan has.

Luke needs friends, doesn't he?

Obi-Wan is having some very complicated emotions about all of this because Vader is, in his own absolutely insane way, trying to help.

Anakin wanted babies and Padme wanted babies so clearly, if Obi-Wan and Cody are in love, then they also want babies!

Cody and Obi-Wan very well might not be in love. Anakin definitely could have misinterpreted. It’s probably more angsty if they're just friends who ended up in this bullshit together.

(He's taking baby fever to new and somewhat horrifying heights, because... he would adore Obi's kids.)

(His family button is suprisingly large for a mass murderer.)

Vader Kindly Informs Bail That Obi-Wan Is Alive And Unharmed. Bail was a friend of Obi-Wan's, telling him this is only helpful and will keep Alderaan from getting more rebellious out of personal insult. Obviously.

Vader is almost offended when Bail implies he might hurt Obi-Wan. He kept his son safe, he owes him. Speaking of, don’t you have a child? How old is she, again? It would be Good for her to make friends, wouldn’t it? :)

Palpatine is just like... sitting back and eating evil popcorn as Vader runs around, ruining people's lives by trying to be less of The Worst than before.

Palps barely has to do anything, Anakin's fucking it up on his own!

Could have been just a sly "Kenobi is so attached to young Luke, but now that you've been reunited with your son, perhaps he'd be happier with a child of his own?" Come at it from both "make Obi-Wan happy" and "protect your relationship with Luke" angles.

Vader: I can't have babies anymore due to what you did to me on Mustafar. Obi-Wan: So you're punishing me by forcing me to have them instead? Vader: No! Children are a gift that you have been cruelly denied by the Order that held us in its chains! Obi-Wan: ...oh, right, you're insane. Forgot about that. Somehow.

Big dramatic speech about how the Jedi Order spent so long making them take lives, he’s giving Obi-Wan a chance to create it! To put something good and bright into the world!

Poor Cody is like. "General, I am very fond of you but I'm having a million panic attacks at the same time because of the mind control, and also Vader is under the impression that we're in love and I need to be your stud? I wasn't aware you could have children--" "I can't. Or at least, I couldn't, but Anakin is... creative." "...what."

I don't want to actually objectify Cody in the narrative past the point that Obi-Wan himself is, because nnnnngh racism and clone stuff, so I'm going to say Cody was in love with Obi-Wan, and would have been okay with at least discussing the whole baby schtick if not for the absolutely horrible circumstances.

Like if the war had ended normally, and Obi-Wan had expressed a desire to retire, unlikely as that was, then Cody may have suggested a dinner, and they could have gotten married and then eventually adoption...

(Cody had a lot of fantasies he didn’t let himself think about too hard.)

But no. It's this... weird Vader-inspired bullshit.

I'm just so invested in Vader trying to help but making things legitimately a million times worse.

He wants to help :) Oh god, he wants to help.

Why aren't people more appreciative of how hard I'm helping them? - the Anakin Skywalker story

With less time to stew and also getting handed what he wants, Vader could absolutely flip on a dime the second he saw Luke being protected, and go from “I hate you” to remembering that Obi-Wan said he loved him, and now he must keep Obi-Wan safe out of debt and he just... he’s playing house. 

Vader throws Obi-Wan a baby shower after the pregnancy is confirmed. Bail is invited, because Obi-Wan doesn't have a lot of friends still alive. Vader decides Bail is top of the Obi-Wan’s Friends List.

This is the first time they've seen each other in two years. Obi-Wan is heavily pregnant despite Bail knowing full well he didn't have the plumbing for that before the Empire rose. Cody is there and emotionally exhausted but more lucid than most troopers. Luke is running up to Leia because New Friend!!!

....there may be MORE of the 212th and 501st at the baby shower, with “kill all Jedi” orders revoked, of course. But it will keep the children safe!! And Cody and Obi-Wan can see their surviving friends!!

Cody: I'd be much happier to see my surviving troopers if they didn't all still have chips in their heads. Obi-Wan: I feel much the same. Vader: [404 error]

Bail and his family might be there at blaster point, but aren't you happy to see them, Obi-Wan??

Obi-Wan's endless trauma is honestly somewhat curtailed by the incessant need to facepalm at Vader’s bullshit

Obi-Wan and Cody both outwardly have a very "there are much worse people I could be stuck with in this situation but obviously I wish I'd had a choice, no hard feelings" attitude at each other.

Internally, Cody is suffering because this is NOT how he wanted his crush to be realized, and Obi-Wan is just suffering, period.

Cody: How did he even choose which of us ends up pregnant? Obi-Wan: He thinks I need to be protected, and that he needs to keep me safe. Cody: ...he does realize that you're better at-- Obi-Wan: Cody, he's completely lost it. No! He doesn't realize!

I feel like over the course of the year or two this plot unravels towards Palpatine getting murder-deposed and Anakin getting locked down, part of the driving force to Vader not being Vader anymore is that Luke actually really loves Uncle Obi and always starts fussing and going "Ben's sad" whenever Vader dismisses what Obi-Wan wants in favor of what Vader thinks Obi-Wan wants, and Vader can't deny his child anything.

Luke cries because Palpatine Feels Wrong like, once or twice, and Anakin goes “oh, okay, assassination time.”

[sideprince]

OH. Sorry! That was my bad reading comprehension maybe 😂. I guess because even on my first reading of DH I immediately understood that Snape's love for Lily ran deep it just didn't occur to me that people might read it negatively. The whole incel discourse continues to baffle me because the most obvious marker of an incel/"nice guy" is their expectation of the relationship being transactional. They provide friendship and acceptable behavior and expect sex in return.

It was about 3-5 years after Deathly Hallows came out that the femimist discourse around incels and "nice guys" was prominent, and I think part of the fandom retroactively imposed that on Snape, maybe to answer the feelings of discomfort that came from what you talked about - that Rowling wrote Snape unkindly and judgmentally (and I have a post somewhere from a while back where I even talk about how we missed so much in Snape's pensieve memories about the bond between him and Lily and why she considered him her best friend for years too, so I'm very much with you there). I remember feeling frustrated about it, not even in defense of Snape, but because it changed the context of what was being discussed about the transactionality of how incels objectified women. The common example at the time was that women aren't vending machines that you put politeness into and get sex. The projection of these ideas onto Snape were frustrating in the same way a lot of internet discourse has become: they were reductive and more interested in finding an excuse to hate something or someone rather than addressing a problem and protecting vulnerable people.

The fact people misunderstood both the concept of why incels were dangerous and misogynistic and that Snape wasn't a real person but an amalgamation of choices that represented an author and her perspective was honestly kind of infuriating. It derailed necessary conversations and also twisted a work of literature without holding its creator accountable. And then the Elliott Rodger shooting happened and the stakes became even higher, but people still didn't seem to get it (Rodger was a 22 year old who felt he was owed attraction from women and because he didn't get it and was lonely and took no responsibility for his own role in his interactions with others, he went on a shooting rampage that killed six people - incels practically deified him online for it).

And that's the crux of it, isn't it? Incels don't take responsibility for themselves - they don't examine why they have social problems, are depressed, might have mental health issues etc., and instead blame everyone else for them. Which is the direct opposite of everything we see Snape do. The other thing, of course, is that you can't have a transactional relationship with a dead person - Snape couldn't have been expecting sex from Lily because she was dead. So while I definitely get your idea that people read the Prince's Tale and were left feeling uncomfortable, I still think it's ignorance and a misappropriation of a very real social theory with real life consequences that gets twisted when people use that discomfort to label Snape an incel or obsessive etc.

And for what it's worth, this is also why I have issues with arguments around this where people defend Snape as if he were a real person and try to convince others of what he was thinking and feeling. That misses the point. The point is that the author made clear statements about this character's choices, and those choices directly contradict what we as a society know about incels and dangerously obsessive patriarchy driven men. In arguing on behalf of a blorbo in that situation, you're actually doing nothing for the more relevant discourse around incels.

Why do you think a large part of the fandom sees Snape’s love for Lily as obsession ?

Cinema therapy said it well, Severus left Lily alone when she asked him not to be friends.

There are a lot of books that I’ve read with male characters having life long crushes on one woman in their lives. Yet Severus Snape’s love for Lily is considered a obsession because he still harbors feelings for her after nearly seventeen years after her death. Because he took a piece from a letter she wrote to Sirius. Because he did everything in her name.

because a large part of the fandom are teenagers.

one of the great privileges of being a teenager is being allowed to be dogmatic about things which are rather less straightforward in reality. i enjoyed that part of my teenage years thoroughly, and i hope these fans have the time of their lives doing the same.

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

I agree with alot of things on your blog, but when ever you bring up the male gaze i am always confused. For context, im nonbinary and bisexual, but have been having major questions about my gender and sexuality lately. Regardless, even before i started questioning myself, the whole thing about the male gaze always made me feel guilty and disgusting for my attraction to women.

If someone is not a woman, or not only a woman, can they still participate in the male gaze. Or is it something specific to people who are men and men only. If someone that is sapphic likes media about wlw, knowing that the media was not made for them but for men that fetishize people like them, is that sapphic person participating in a variant of the male gaze? Is it possible for someone that is not a woman to like or appreciate women without partaking in the male gaze? If so, in what ways are they partaking in it, and how can they prevent themselves from doing so.

I want to make it clear that i am in no way disagreeing with the concept of the male gaze, but more so confused on who and when the concept is applied to.

So "the male gaze" is a film/art analysis concept, basically the idea that the expected default audience of a work is straight men and that any portrayal of women in that work is sexualized/objectifying for the enjoyment of that expected audience, for the "gaze" of those heterosexual men.

Some feminists (including me in the past, I don't anymore for clarity's sake) have extended the usage of this phrase to talk about the way men in real life expect that women in real life should only exist in men's awareness for the sake of those men's (often erotic and/or visual) enjoyment. It's mostly used to denote a specific flavour of objectification.

All of this is to say, objectification is the problem under discussion, both in film and in real life. Physical attraction isn't the same thing - when you find someone physically appealing you don't have to also treat them like that appeal is the whole point of their existence.

Do you see or treat women as objects to possess or to use, or whose purpose is your personal enjoyment? Do you prefer to ignore the fact that women are human beings just like you, with their own complex motivations, needs, dislikes, and experiences? When you look at women, are you seeing people or objects?

"The male gaze" isn't about being a man and looking at someone, it's a specific form of objectification in media made under patriarchy.

It's about hierarchial social forces, not every individual man. Even if you were a heterosexual man, you wouldn't be doomed to reenact this objectification upon the women you encounter. It wouldn't be unreasonable to accuse female filmmakers of catering to the male gaze sometimes either - but you just consuming media that objectifies its female characters doesn't automatically mean you are objectifying those women.

Think of this objectification not as an inherent quality based on gender, but as a specific form of patriarchial dehumanization that people of any gender can choose not to perpetuate.

Whatever your gender is, even if you eventually land on "man", being misogynistic isn't fate, it's not hard wired, it's just expected behaviour you can choose not to go along with. You will always have a choice about objectifying women, your gender won't change that. Even women have to decide not to see or treat other women as objects.

And your feelings about women aren't tainted with objectification automatically just because you find them physically appealing. Attraction isn't objectification, and the idea that objectification is an inherent part of being attracted to women is just another way patriarchy justifies misogyny.

If you want to make sure you don't get sucked into a mindset of objectification when you consume media that may objectify women, it may be helpful to consciously analyze the media's choices as you consume it. How are the female characters treated differently to male ones? Who gets more interiority? Who gets more agency, whose choices influence the story more? How are the camera angles or physical descriptions different? Do the female characters seem to exist only or primarily for the sake of an expected male gaze?

(A bonus round to this analysis could engage with how the expected audience affects how a piece of media treats lbt+ women/women of colour/disabled women/fat women/sex workers etc., the way the casting choices do or don't submit to misognynistic and otherwise oppressive beauty standards, and so on and so forth.)

[sepublic]

Marcy’s Condition

           I’m scared for Marcy. Seeing her so wounded, I just-

��          I really am afraid. Afraid that she’s going to need not just emotional and mental therapy, but physical therapy as well… Which, we don’t know how successful Andrias’ procedure is going to be, but still. It really sucks and haunts me how Sasha has that scar on her face, as a permanent reminder of what happened in Amphibia, of Reunion…

           But not to compare pain, but Marcy is somehow even worse- Because she might just have that ENTIRE gaping scar on her chest and back, and… Remembering how she almost died, how she THOUGHT she died. The pain, the unimaginable horror and agony at being impaled. The reminder of everything that happened in True Colors, the pain and desperation, the betrayal… I can legit seeing it become an actual, medical trigger for Marcy. Sasha at least managed to cope with the scar on her face, good for her…!

           But Marcy… I can easily see this breaking her. And it just leads to her always trying to cover up that scar and not look at it, which, is easy because she can accomplish that with any regular shirt, but still… It’s just the entire concept of bodily autonomy being violated, of being marked like that, and it worsens with the idea of Andrias turning Marcy into a cyborg, and/or his master possessing her. To already have her body so grievously hurt and wounded, to then be operated on like a test subject, to be controlled and puppeted with this entity inside her… It genuinely sickens me.

           This girl suffered, and there’s always that permanent, visual reminder of it. At least with Sasha, you can argue how she brought it on herself, as a reminder of how she tried to kill Anne’s surrogate father and why this mistake backfired; It’s a learning experience, although trauma is trauma of course, so that is to be said VERY lightly and carefully. It’s not like Anne MEANT to scar Sasha; But Marcy… Marcy didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve to be impaled by someone she trusted, who took advantage of and manipulated her… 

          She was afraid of confiding her fears in with Anne and Sasha, and she found that in Andrias; And now, she’s likely to be even MORE terrified of opening up because of this! Especially with how Andrias has the AUDACITY to literally gaslight Marcy in her final moments, as she realizes she’s going to die and is dead, by saying “Look what you’ve made me do.” As if he hasn’t emotionally manipulated her enough, to imply Marcy’s violent death is all her fault, and/or that of the friends she loves and didn’t want to lose, was so afraid of being rejected by. Because I guess her soul hadn’t been crushed enough!

           Not to mention… Getting impaled like that, having a burning blade through your spine… I’m just really afraid that when this is all over, IF Marcy gets to recover and heal; She might be paralyzed. She might be plagued with physical health issues for the rest of her life, because she’s missing an entire chunk of her spine; And, hopefully Andrias’ procedure can give Marcy’s body a full recovery… Ideal scenario, no scar, even! 

          But I can’t help but feel like being possessed by Andrias’ master, THAT could leave its own physical toll on Marcy’s poor body, and it just agonizes me to see this girl be violated like that, emotionally and physically. It’s depressing how Marcy briefly treats others more like NPCs in her game than people, because now SHE’s being objectified, losing her agency, in a way that is so much worse and totally undeserved.

           Marcy doesn’t deserve to have to live with physical health issues for the rest of her life, for what happened; She’s a kid. She doesn’t deserve to be plagued with echoes of pain and physical trauma that constantly remind her of what happened, even when she’s not directly looking at the visual mark it left behind. And I’m just scared that when this is all over… I can see Marcy being bedridden, being in ACTUAL medical therapy, because I have a hard time imagining her being able to function without that.

           What if she becomes physically sick and ill, still feeling the repercussions of her wound or possession or being modified against her will? I don’t want to imagine Marcy looking at prosthetics that Andriasgave her, for the rest of her life. There’s nothing wrong with needing physical aid, or medicine, or therapy to get by in life; But for Marcy, it could serve as a reminder of issues that came as a direct, unfair, result of her time in Amphibia; A loss of carefree health she once had… And she doesn’t deserve to be haunted like that.

          I don’t want Marcy to be plagued by health issues, she’s gone through ENOUGH already, having the rest of Marcy’s life be permanently riddled and restrained because of her wound, it just… It genuinely leaves me in anguish. I don’t want to see Marcy in a wheelchair, as a permanent, haunting reminder that is intertwined in every aspect of her life, of what happened… A reminder she literally can’t escape because it’s her own body, and it’ll affect just about every breathing moment for her.

           I don’t want to see Marcy struggle to breathe from damaged lungs. Or have her struggle with meds –I know that feeling- or constantly need a device for physical aid, something to be hooked up to often. I don’t want to imagine Marcy sometimes lying in bed at night, placing her hand over her chest, so she can feel her heart beating, to relieve and reassure herself that she’s still alive. Not after feeling her heart stop beating when she was first impaled… She’s so young, she has her whole life ahead of her, or should, and she had that violently ripped away from her, barely got to live with that kind of normal life before it was gone for good. She deserves to just breathe, carefree, and feel the sunlight on her face and enjoy life.

           As a disclaimer, I don’t want to patronize people with disabilities or injuries. I don’t want to turn physical conditions into some inescapable tragedy that can’t be moved past, can’t be healed from; There are so many people who have managed to adapt and continue living as always. I’m sorry if I did that… But Marcy’s whole condition could be a brutal reminder of what happened to her, of that horrible thing that wracked not just her heart but her entire body. She shouldn’t have to suffer for that, for the rest of her life…

           And I’m terrified for her mental health. Of her suffering from actual PTSD, being triggered by things that remind her of that moment. Of having nightmares and waking up in a cold sweat, heart racing, as she reaches out for Anne or Sasha for comfort. I can’t handle that thought, the idea of a kid in that sort of pain… It’s so unfair and she doesn’t deserve it. I can genuinely, plausibly see Marcy becoming depressed, becoming somber and morose for a long while, before she can finally heal and become happy and excited and curious in things that open way she does; And GOD, I’d be inconsolable if she felt suicidal, because how do you move on from that? Thinking her life wasn’t worth it without Anne or Sasha, that she literally can’t handle it… Combined with the possibility of abuse in more ways than one from her parents, how THEY won’t help, if they’re even allowed near Marcy after all this.

           Does Marcy have anyone to even turn to when it all ends? I hope she does. I can only imagine her being constantly terrified of being alone, and needing company just to get by… She really deserves a therapy pet after all this, maybe Joe Sparrow could help. It just… It just sounds like Marcy’s whole life has been wracked with this kind of pain, and I don’t want to her pain get any worse, to see it get physically chronic. Any kind of physical pain could easily traumatize and push Marcy to her limits… And, there’s the possibility of good representation for physical disabilities, but also, I don’t want to patronize anyone, or speak over their voices, so again I apologize if I did.

           I guess this just stems from me wanting to see Marcy’s pain be acknowledged and addressed so she can properly heal from it, can be validated and told that it was terrible and should’ve never happened no matter what… But maybe I can find relief in the denial that it didn’thurt her this badly, that Marcy is fine and doesn’t have to deal with that to begin with, because wouldn’t that be better for her? I dunno.

           It’s undeniable that Marcy is going to be emotionally crushed after this… But does she have to stay, or become, physicallycrushed as well?

I just…

           SOMEONE GET THIS GIRL SOME LOVE AND CARE AND THERAPY ASAP FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE AND LET HER BE WELL AGAIN!!!!!

           I just want Marcy to be able to recover and heal… I genuinely hope and wish her emotional spirit will at least be able to move on after this, that she can still find joy and excitable fun, and get to be a kidagain, with her best friends like old times; Only better, because she’s at least grown. God, these girls and their trauma, and the inevitability of how it’ll haunt and hurt them… It leaves me inconsolable.

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #1

So I was scrolling through Tumblr the other day (a regrettable mistake as always), and I had the great pleasure of seeing this joyous post.

*deep breath*

Not gonna lie, posts like this make me real pissed. Pissed because the person who posted this exists in a space where they feel comfortable enough to post this online. Pissed because these posts are so common and often face little backlash. And pissed because there’s nothing better than allosexuals condescendingly explaining to asexual people why they’re dirty attention whores who invent their own oppression. Ace people deserve to be defended against this horseshit. Young people see these posts, and it’s extremely damaging to have your identity be nothing more than fuel for people in discourse to mock you and demand you bled in order for them to notice your pain.

Anger aside, many people do not see why this post is wrong, so why is it? Let’s unpack this clusterfuck of bigotry:

“would love to see substantive evidence of systematic “aphobia” that isn’t actually just misogyny, toxic masculinity, or rpe culture.”

God damn, we are not mincing our words here XD. A few things: systematic in bold, which tells you if you do not make a blood sacrifice on the altar of queer pain you will not be taken seriously. Potential nitpick, but systemic and systematic are not the same thing. I believe systemic is the word they’re looking for. Systematic implies a lot more intentionality that can be hard to prove. Systemic merely means that systems, in their current state, do aphobic things, which they absolutely do.

“Aphobia” in quotes is absolutely rich. Not only will this person refuse to acknowledge systemic aphobia, which is only one type, but this poster casts clear doubt upon the mere concept of aphobia in and of itself. We love to see it.

There’s a lot to unpack here. The statement, as clearly condescending as intended, is sort of correct, though it doesn’t mean a whole lot. Systemic oppression is about the systems in a society (government, healthcare, etc) discriminating against people. Systemic oppression is not bigotry faced on a person-to-person level. In short, systematic oppression is something a person experiences in their overall life, while personal discrimination is experienced on a personal level by people who are not singularly in control of the systems. This post boils down the negative comments ace people face into being called “weird”, which is an understatement for sure, but calling a gay person weird isn’t systemic oppression either.

It’s still bad and discriminatory.

This is such a snotty way to dismiss aphobia as some mere, insignificant comment with no meaning as if it doesn’t reinforce society’s painful aphobic views in the same way casual homophobic comments reinforce heteronormativity and society’s hostility toward gay people.

Ace people face discrimination in healthcare, most notably, which is systemic discrimination, but the systemic discrimination of asexuals really ought to be its own post if I’m to nosedive into it. Even if ace people faced no systemic discrimination, it wouldn’t make this point anymore correct. Discrimination is a perfectly valid reason to feel disregarded by society, and often only ace people are denied the right to feel this way and are instead gaslit into admitting what they face is no big deal and they’re just making it up for attention.

The experience of being pressured to have sex when you’re allo vs ace is very different. The vast majority of allo people do not plan to be celibate their whole lives. Many ace people do not want to have sex, ever. “Waiting for sex” in much of western society and in Christianity is seen as pure and honorable. Yet being asexual and never wanting sex is seen as a deviant disorder and people are accused of robbing their partner of sex forever.

There’s really a specific flavor of sexual pressure that is unique to ace people. Sex being to “fix” someone or because they “just need to try it”.

In this respect, aphobic sexual pressure is better compared to that faced by gay people and lesbians. Lesbians especially often can face this same struggle, men pressuring them to have sex because they think lesbians just need to “try it” or to “fix them”. I can imagine this poster would have no issue acknowledging lesbophobia being the root of lesbians coerced into sex with men, yet she does not give ace people the same.

Imagine if someone said (and knowing our fucked world, someone probably has): “Lesbophobia doesn’t exist. It’s just misogyny. Straight women are coerced into sex too!”

It’d be pathetic bullshit. Toxic masculinity, misogyny and many other issues can all tangle into combined messes with other forms of bigotry. Lesbophobia is an experience that deserves to be recognized apart from misogyny, even if the two are linked. Please stop erasing ace people’s experiences with this when it’s not the same thing.

Honestly, though, this post, as trashy as it is, if anything, is perhaps, really asking: Is there any type of aphobic experience that’s inherently exclusive to ace people?

I still wager to go say, yes, yes there is, but I must make an important point first:

Most experiences of queer discrimination are not limited to queer people.

Homophobia and transphobia are both experienced by cishets in certain instances. Feminine straight men can be victims of homophobic harassment. This does not disprove the fact that it’s homophobia just because a straight man is the victim of it. A tall cis woman with broad shoulders and a lower voice may be the victim of transphobic remarks or comments. The basis of these comments is rooted in transphobia, however, so the fact that the victim is cis does not erase the transphobia.

People who argue that experiences ace people complain about can be experienced by allosexuals are not poking a legitimate hole in doing this. Certain experiences related to aphobia can and are experienced by allosexuals. If you do not acknowledge this, then homophobia and transphobia aren’t real because cishet people have sometimes experienced them.

Despite cishets sometimes experiencing queerphobia, most of us acknowledge that their experience of that bigotry, however unfortunate, is not the same as that experienced by actual queer people. It’d be quite homophobic for a feminine straight man to claim he knew just as much about the gay experience as an actual gay man. Similarly, when allosexual people relate experiences that were rooted in aphobia, it’s overstepping a line when they claim asexual discrimination isn’t real because they experienced elements of it too.

Cishet (cishet including allosexuals) people do not experience their doctors telling them their sexuality might be a disorder or caused by trauma. Allo queer people can experience this with their sexualities too.

“using sex appeal to sell products is misogyny, it is not engineered to gross sex-repulsed people, it is meant to objectify women.”

This is a strawman thinner than my last nerve. Uh, what? What ace people are you seeing that literally think sex appeal was engineered to gross-out sex-repulsed people?? I don’t think this is a core argument??

Yes, sex-repulsed ace people sometimes complain about sex appeal in media being uncomfortable. But that’s it. Every time an ace person shares a discomfort of theirs doesn’t mean it’s the entire basis of their oppression. For the love of God, let ace people discuss their experiences without being blow-torched over not being oppressed enough with an individual discomfort. 

BONUS ROUND

(This was in the tags)

“Completely vilifies celibate individuals” 

...no…? What…? Huh…? 

The most charitable interpretation of this vague accusation is that the poster means celibate people face aphobia as well, due to not wanting to have sex. I have no idea how this “vilifies” anyone, but that aside, as said before: people who are not queer can face aphobia. Also worth noting that society treats celibate people way better than ace people, which is really another example of aphobia. Celibate people can be told they’re missing out (which could be at very least related to aphobic ideals), but they’re rarely called broken. Celibacy is seen more as a respected, controlled ideal in allo people, but when ace people want to do it, they’re just mentally ill.

Anyway, the post was aphobic trash, and it needs to be debunked more often. Mocking ace people online is not a good look anymore, guys. Don't be ugly.