#its the truth and its scary
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imo the funky special effects in old movies and series look better than most of the new stuff's cgi
#it had to be said#its the truth and its scary#movies#yes im looking at marvel#and gorilla vs kong#that one was terrible#star trek tos#back to the future#et the extra terrestrial#2001 a space odyssey#star wars#tron 1982#indiana jones#the neverending story#labyrinth#gremlins#idk im just listing the ones i can remember at the moment but im sure there are much more
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dead man walking fanart for the lovely @pizzabox-box!!!
[sometimes the things you want end up happening in the worst way possible.]
#moon's art#pizza tower#pizza tower fanart#pizza tower game#pizza tower au#pizza tower au fanart#dead man walking fanart#dead man walking au#peppi-no#peppi-no fanart#fake peppino#kinda#this one was actually really fun to make#also go read the comic it is very good#as someone who has struggled with depersonalization and other mental health stuff for years#its honestly really comforting (and a little scary) to see a character in media that so perfectly reflects my own thoughts and feelings#which i guess is a little odd to say about a pizza tower au#but it's the truth!!!!!#he means so so much to me right now#thank u pizzabox for making this au
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For fanfic purposes, I enjoy the parallels of switching the romance narrative from “We deserve each other” to “I don’t deserve you” for angst purposes and also I think there can be something touching with Fiyero finding beauty in Elphaba’s looks and Elphaba being intrigued by Fiyero’s mind. I want both of them learning to love and accept the part of themselves they’re most insecure about, because to accept to other’s love for them they have to acknowledge and accept the many reasons why they love each other, including that.
#hollypunkerspost#he sees her looks he acknowledges them and its his truth shes beautiful to him#fiyero ‘mr depression with a smile’ ‘mr self depreciating jokes about how dumb i am’ ‘mr i hope you can accept me the way i am now’#fiyero 🤝 captain kirk ‘green means go’ (im sorry)#fiyeraba#fiyero tigelaar#elphaba thropp#my thoughts on writing and also mentally ill fiyero is my headcanon and also theres a whole plot thing going on with that#anyone else ever seen return to oz?#mombi… the wheelers… 😏 so fucking scary man
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So the interview saying that Asc Astarion is "still him" (as we already know) and how ascending him is basically Tav confirming to him "yes you should be in fear".... I've seen strange reactions to it. Or rather, strange reactions about our reaction lol
Spawn weirdos and Fixers: "the Asc girlies aren't gonna like this, no no no! Hahahaha they're going to deny it all! This will destroy them!"
Asc Astarion fans: *giving the interview actual analysis and consideration* "Yeah that makes sense, he lives in a dangerous world and so many people could be after him. It would make sense for Tav to fear for him and want him to recognize that there are very real threats out there. And to help him ascend is to tell him that those fears are real and he'd do well to take out insurance against them (ie. ascending). And while that may lead to unhealthy habits (paranoia for example, especially for vampires), it's a valid and healthy thing to recognize in moderation if that's how you want the narrative to go."
#lol why do they think we disagree with it or something#its an objective truth they live in a scary world and he isnt wrong to fear or recognize that fear as a threat#ascended astarion#astarion#baldur's gate iii#bg3#actual asc fan
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kind of hate talking to white people about the trump presidency/republican majority. unfortunately i live in indiana so it's not like i have a choice.
#i cant think of a good way to phrase things. sorry#sorry @ my white friends. i know you cant help it but unfortunately even if you are not saying anything Wrong#we are still coming at this from very different perspectives and you kind of just Dont Get It in ways i will never be able to verbalize#and yes it is scary as a queer person#but now imagine that terror and imagine combining it with the terror of being latino in the us rn#being mexican + the child of mexican immigrants.#and yes they are legal citizens but its not like fascists have Historically cared about the truth behind their claims#about a person being part of the group they want to get rid of#idk. i cant phrase things right.#im just fucking terrified in ways none of my friends are and probably wont ever be#it is so so isolating and alienating and im scared !!!
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todays (and yesterdays) falklers! lots of traditional doodles today as ive been attempting to get better at it 🩵🐇🧡
#signalis#signalis falke#signalis adler#truth be told i need to work on trad art more but oagh its scary#ESPECIALLY when trying to draw characterinteraction#you never know how good you have it untill you cant make a new layer to resketch#a part you dont like#myth.sketches
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I'm at the painful "confession" scene during the kage summit arc. It really is so emotional, but also... hm.
When I was younger, like 13 or so, I was a big Sakura and Naruto shipper. They were the first pairing I read fanfic for even. And in a way, I do still enjoy the two of them together... but it's moments like these that really drive home the fact that it Doesn't really work in canon. Not the way that it's set up.
As Sakura puts it, "Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke! That's all you think about!"
She's told that Naruto has feelings for her and decides to use it to convince him to stop going after Sasuke. She does love him, but not in the way she's trying to confess. The love they share is one of comradery, not necessarily romantic. The love of two people who have gone through such pain together, and who have leaned on each other throughout it all. And the fact that she's turning around and saying she loves him "simply like everyone else", now... it's trivializing. And the fact that she's trying to convince him of this, the fact that she thinks she Can convince him of this, is pretty hurtful. They've come a long way from when they were kids, Naruto the goofball vying for her attention while she yelled at him for being stupid. Sakura respects Naruto so much more than before, and Naruto respects her too. So the fact that she's still doing this... She's desperate, really. She thinks the promise he made to her to bring Sasuke home is what's driving him to let himself be hurt over and over and over again in the pursuit and protection of Sasuke.
But she's wrong.
That may be part of it, but it's only part. Naruto wants Sasuke back for himself, too. He let himself be beat up to avoid selling him out. He chases after him with single minded determination. Sasuke is his entire drive to get stronger, to catch up, to bring him home. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke indeed.
As it is, Naruto knows she's lying to herself. And no matter what she says, he will keep going after Sasuke. Because that's just the person that Naruto is.
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#i think. naruto and sakura could potentially work out... but probably in a poly kind of situation.#because naruto will never forget about sasuke. and tbh neither will sakura. at least in canon.#of course i think sakura would do well to end up with someone more level headed. like ino.#someone without all the Complications that those two have...#but at the same time. i still do really love the idea of two people supporting one another through thick and thin.#i like naruto and sakura as a pairing of mutual respect. which is why it doesnt truly work as it is in canon.#especially when it comes to things like the 'joke' punches. but that's Everywhere in this anime.#female characters' anger being turned into jokes. theyre 'scary' but its not Actually scary.#naruto taking punch after punch from her for being foolish. yet it's all just a joke.#tbh id want to do away with that trope entirely. sakura has a temper but she's a good person. a kind soul.#i dont like that kishimoto has her being casually abusive with one of her best friends.#yet another part of the misogynistic writing that i hate.#sure enough. as it is in canon it just doesnt work. but ykno what. 13 year old me is still here. and wants to think of a way that it Could.#all things to think about. i wonder if there is any poly fic with the 3 of them. theres Gotta be.#though that brings the question of whether it'd even fit my ideal concept of the 3 of them.#it's certainly not the popular kind of thing lol. most people pick one of the three pairings between them.#but ya kno what. ive always been a multishipper. and poly ships really enable that truth of mine.#maybe i'll look for some poly fic sometime. just to see if theres anyone doing it like id wanna see.#if it's just two guys fighting over one girl or something tho im Outta there.#and ALSO theres something to be said for sasuke and sakura's relationship when they were kids.#there was trust there. confiding. he respected her. & in the end. he thanked her for her care.#cant be Just the two of them tho. for me. bc that erases naruto's significance to them both.#it is perhaps another thing i'll want to write someday. just maybe.
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I think that Mlevens that love Mike might actually be crazier and more detached from the narrative than Mlevens that hate Mike
#not april fools btw#this also isnt meant to be mike hate#and im not talking about byler mleven multishippers#those people are sane#mlevens that hate mike are like#vecna voice ‘so close to the truth’#but are just too dumb to see it#mlevens that love mike try and validate all of his shitty actions by saying that its good that hes an asshole to his gay friend#‘its actually a good thing that mike iced out his friends and then acted wierd around will’#SCARY#anti mileven#byler
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crimson rouge banter
#i am NOT finishing this#but the audio fit nik so well sans the height i had to at least start it#(in truth they're 5'8 1/2 (the 1/2 inch matters) but i couldn't bear to deviate from the audio)#the inexpressive jokester they are who would deadpan this word for word and#rylan doesn't know them well enough at this point to know whether or not they want her to laugh or take it seriously#so its hard to make fun of them properly#rylan not being serious at all + mockingly looking at nik in their all black getup: wowww hunter anyone tell you you're /so/ scary looking?#nik completely straightfaced: no but one time a mother took her child across the street when she saw my facial scars so i could believe it#rylan listening to their heartbeat not waver at all: i see.#also! sidenote for clarity: in the lineup it's blane arden rylan with their canon heights and then lego nik#don't ask me about the lego representation it came to me in a vision and then when i finally had it out i couldn't remember why it was funn#side sidenote: arden's stupid face when she's outflexing nik has to be one of my favorite frames i drew#nik dobchya#animatic#wts#kaced
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tw i got triggered as fuck
i had a shit sleep and then on top of that this morning, like only 20mins after i woke up, my sister's partner suddenly exploded in anger, because my dog barked at our other roommate (who my dog is scared of). and i know sudden loud noises are a trigger for him (the partner) who also has PTSD but then he just, yelled and slammed doors and stomped around and. everything that triggers me, he did. and i know it wasnt to purposefully trigger me of course, and he's stressed and sick and overworked, and i know it's probably not really about my dog. but trauma doesn't care about the details, it just goes yelling angry man = dangerous = triggered as fuck. so i escaped and hid in the backyard and calmed myself down from having a panic attack... by dissociating lol. but thats what dissociation is, a protective (if at times maladaptive) coping strategy. and then eventually i went back into the house and hid in my room, thankful that the door locks (though I also know im not in any danger, he's not my stepdad). music + weighted blanket + comfort toy + dog + self soothing skills. feeling better but this is just gonna ruin the next few days for me, and I'll have nightmares tonight. my sister was also triggered, but she apologised on his behalf (annnnnd thats also triggering, it's too much like how my mum constantly was apologising for my stepdad....) and told him to talk to someone today, while he's gone (he left, thank fuck).
and its not even lunchtime 😞
#personal#hs' cptsd#no bold#i was on the verge of tears (and i never cry) thinking. nowhere is safe. but i had to keep telling myself (my selves.) -#- that hes not my stepdad. im not in danger. its scary and triggering but we're here in 2024 in my own house with autonomy and safety.#fuuuccckkkk my next therapy appt isnt until the end of the month. & i was already not coping and desperately needing a session and now this!#ugh. & it seems like its always either about me or my dog or both. no one seems to love us enough to deal with us. not the truth but 😵💫
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might go back to college in 2025. who knows
#i have been thinking abt applying. but im still not sure#im applying as a transfer cause i have an associates. so i have until march#i have been fighting with myself for years abt going back to school. but idk#truth be told i dont want to go to college i just want to Have A Degree. yknow#and like. i already have a job and do not Need a degree. i just want the satisfaction of completing something i started and never finished#and also its kind of scary. idk idk#who knows! could happen. or maybe not! idk! we shall see
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Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks#but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD#i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin#i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr#first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with#all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying#and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so#good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all#like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad#he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP#and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just#being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how#well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler#and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end#and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts#cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish#but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like#the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries#and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer#and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive#and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori#and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent#and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse#he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA#im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad#and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN#have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes
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God I so much prefer researching Habsburg history over reading about literally any of the other figures I'm interested in bcs it gives me genuine stress parsing through the giant amount of biographies, that have such a huge range of biases and narratives, and trying to decide which to actually embark upon. It's not like Habsburg scholarship is a small field or anything, but it's so much more limited than it is for someone like, say, Napoleon. For Habsburg stuff, I'll pretty much read anything bcs I'm so desperate to learn anything, and I usually have to go out of my way to even find books and papers
#everything carries the author's inherent bias obviously#but most habsburg books cover like. 500 years of history. so.#i loved the one random book i found which is just chock full of anecdotes#who the fuck knows if most of it happened but im taking it as the truth 🙏#meanwhile for napoleon im literally sweating reading thru people's reviews#trying to choose which giant ass book to embark upon#meanwhile the other day i came across a random habsburg book and bought it instantly#zero thought put into whether i might not like how the author portrays them or not#ill take whatever i can get 🙏🙏🙏#also i feel very trusting of many of the individual scholars#bcs they had to go out of their way to research a pretty under-researched historical figure#so i trust that they genuinely put a lot of care into it bcs its such an underdeveloped field comparatively#for other figures biographies are practically a dime a dozen#its not like charles vi where ill read any paper i come across bcs it feels like a rare treat#i genuinely have to put way too much thought into it 😭😭 its scary to me#catie.rambling.txt
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no but the way halloween (2018) restores to michael myers the identity of the shape and the boogeyman is just 🤌
#🐻#no but like#how much of his identity ISN'T michael myers#he's the boogeyman#the shape#that's what makes him terrifying#it's the enduring power of the urban legend#the scary stories parents tell their kids ro keep them safe from dangers they don't yet understand#the scary stories older siblings tell their younger siblings to tease them#knowing those are the same stories that scared them#it's the some of the same themes that candyman plays with#the boogeyman is never just one man#and there's always one or two grains of truth at the core of any urban legend#that gets warped or exaggerated or even completely changed as the story spreads and goes through generations#like a game of telephone#and this movie shows how when one emerges from a tragedy#that game of telephone eventually loses its tie to real loss and real trauma and real terror#under all the layers of legend there's a real victim with very real ptsd#it also showcases how a lot of true crime media does the same thing#erases the real pain and suffering of victims#it becomes a spectacle#until it happens to YOU 🫵#but anyway yeah#halloween (1978) and halloween (2018) are perfect and i love them
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i think im calming down. real life things start to hold meaning again
that in itself is terrifying... my brain isnt panicking abt my inevitable nonexistence anymore
well still panicking but the world around me doesnt feel so distant and unfamiliar anymore . its weird how stark the differenve is
idk . i dont feel good still
ill go eat something
#being bavk to normal is scary bcs i know the normalness is a lie#the truth. the reality. is the sickness i felt for 5 days#ill try to get better anyway . its difficult. i dont like lying to myself#deepthoughtsTM
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I think I just need to make lucky doodles my general art tag like I use it wayyy more and the difference between "finished" art and "doodles" is becoming swiftly nonexistent as time goes on
#lucky.pdf#i also need to use my art sideblog more. zzzz#in reality in full truth i must sleep... soon. its not midnight yet im fine#i woke up at 7 am today it was scary. like i jsut went back ro sleep for an hour but
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