#its the depression talking lmao
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loving hoshina soshiro means being content of being his mistress because he's married to his blades and his first love will always be his anti-kaiju duties. he could love you to hell and back but in the end you won't be able to compete against his responsibility to serve as vice-captain of the third division. it's not that his affection for you is lacking, but it will never be enough to put you on top of his priorities.
the fic is here.
#AND WHAT IF I STAB MYSELF#HOSHINA GIVE ME ONCE CHANCE#sorry guys for all this#its the depression talking lmao#once i get back maybe i can write some cute fluff but not tonight unfortunately#hoshina#hoshina soshiro x reader#soshiro hoshina#hoshina soshiro#soshiro hoshina x reader
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i realized they had the same birthday (dec 21st) so i was like "yoooo i should draw them together"
silly bonus:
#my art lol#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#utau#utauloid fanart#utau fanart#根音ネネ#nene nene#nene nene utau#oliver vocaloid#oliver vocatone#oliver maghni ai#i guess??? because that's his maghni ai design? chose it for fun and for color/composition purposes ig (slightly more yellow? and details)#don't know how to tag this... and since yuki only appears in the bonus doodle idk if i should really tag her#i don't actually know if oliver would be scared of nene or not aksjhgk that little guy doesnt seem scared by most things#but i just thought it would make for a funny side doodle so thats why its there lol#potential successor to the kagamines/iku doodle? in a way maybe... i should find more vsynths that share bdays and draw them together#fun fun fun... ofc its not the exact same day and year like tho iku and the kagamines tho (which is crazy); nene came out in 2009#but ya. showing penance in some way because i was too depressed to draw anything for oliver's bday last year lmao 😭 im sorry my boy#i mean i did do that shitty short meme video which i almost completely forgot abt but that doesnt counttt im talking art piece#this piece was gonna look way more different originally but i couldn't get it to look right so i went for something simpler#cause i was running out of time... and also experimented a little since this one's weird in that i did the colors first rather than lines#then did lines based on the colors and cleaned up the coloring after. and i was gonna add some more stuff to bg but got tired rip#so yeah maybe its a bit simple for my liking but im too tired to redo this again. i had to resize it bc i accidentally made og file huge#and it just wouldnt upload to tumblr lmaoo so apologies if the quality got crunched#IVE BEEN WAITING ALL FUCKING DAY TO POST THIS AND THE OTHER SHIT HAHAHAHEH... i couldve scheduled them but NOOo... oliver day
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You just made me realize for the first time since I've been drawing these guys. The person I have known the longest irl (met him in fourth grade and am still in touch with him) is a Scorpio. Holy moly.
#my characters#moe talks a lot#i guess i can do that tag#also im v sorry but this is gonna be the art of the day! i have lots of ideas and a sore wrist bc i lifted something at work poorly#so im just gonna drop this doodle and rest up#i hate that i never registered the one person ive known face to face longest is a scorpio and im a gemini#and yet ive had these guys for a while lmao#insane fact to realize and im not a fan! but oh well#hes also the guy who came to me ( a very single and asexual person) for relationship advice#on multiple occasions and tbh im so relieved he got married and doesnt bother me anymore with it#he used to date people that used anxiety and depression as a manipulation tactic and since he knows i have those issues#he was like hello is this normal for your brain chemistry#THAT ALL SAID gemini here is prone to anxiety and overthinking which is unfortunately what leads him to be bad at his power#which is telepathy.... and sometimes his thoughts leak and instead of reading minds everyone just hears his thoughts#which is my worst nightmare but yeah#its why scorpio is so determined to protect him cause like hey man those inner thoughts should STAY inner#and the rest of the zodiac is like yeah yeah thats fair we dont mind protecting gemini as priority
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mindless rambling in tags don't mind me
#not art post#rambling in tags because i can and its MY BLOG#anyway its about tdp *waits* ok for the three of you that actually care#someone retweeted one of my threads from 2019 after s2 dropped (imo the BEST tdp season) and i reread it#and tbh i am still right about viren's characterization#obviously canon changed some things but TO BE REAL..... i dont care what the writers say bc i had beef since s3#how am i supposed to believe any viren and callum parallels and callbacks when they..... havent talked since when?#and uhhh viren's demise lol i expected it but wow i am not happy with the lead up to it#more cool and eloquent people put it in better words on twitter and probably tumblr too idk i just say things and hope they make sense#anyway viren is still the very real traumatized angry severely depressed old man from s2... his life was just revealed to be so much worse#like damn. he was poor he was orphan he got divorced and then a stupid mirror started ruining his life even more#yes the mirror was the start of it why do you think aaravos revealed himself after viren's firey break down#aaravos went i can make him worse and ran with it#should viren go to prison? yeah i never once denied that lmao but god he and his family were really the ones to suffer in the show#at least viren is gone so i can just *plucks him out of the dirt and morphs him into my own oc* (im for real)#i got maybe more to say but this is long and im lazy and im not too smart so i will just move on#i will watch s7................................... i GUESS and if you find salt i will probably be there lol
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do people know that shadow was like. intentionally trying to commit murder suicide. or is that less obvious if you’re not a sa2head (where he absolutely 100% suicidal)
#like. I’ve seen people talk about it like shadow Didn’t Know and. guys he knew lmao. he was very much attempting suicide#like is it less obvious in the movie and I’m just biased bc I’ve played 400 hours of sa2#like. shadow is DEEPLY suicidal and he still is AFTER sa2 he very blatantly suffers from depression and ptsd#there is an entire ass song that’s literally just about his ptsd and how it copes. it’s awesome crush 40 killed it btw.#sonic 3 spoilers#< I GUESS#its literally just from sa2. and like. a core part of shadow the hedgehog as a character#like him having severe ptsd and suicidal ideation is Why he’s like that. i presume everyone who likes shadow KNOWS this#glad they showed it tho. sonic adventure 2 gets wild so I knew some parts would have to be changed#ESPECIALLY after 9/11 like you can TELL it’s a game that came out a few months before#bc Significantly More Mature games were forced to cut shit SA2 fucking revels in#which makes me hopeful they’ll do [REDACTED] having like the entire fucking dsm5 and not butcher it
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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one of the craziest bat bars like actually
#vee queued to fill the void#WHEN GOTH AND PUNK COLLIDE ITS THE HYPEST DEPRESSION LETS GOOOOOO LMAO#i never talk about kuukou and jyushi’s bond as leader/2gumi since i personally don’t think i need to lol#but the way their ideals just click together so naturally is so satisfying when the story bothers to show it lol#like i am prAyINg that we get kuukou and jyushi clashing over it like they’re both right but kuukou is still wrong lmao#like besides kuukou training jyushi in their debut track kuukou and jyushi haven’t fought yet#as of then that was indicative of their dynamic kuukou is more gentle with jyushi and more firm with hitoya#now tho there’s like………. bits in various places where they’re challenging each other#like when they were competing against each other at video games or jyushi standing his ground against kuukou’s chaos lol#i’m hopeful it’s leading to a confrontation between them fr on god no cap pls it’d be lit lmao#kuukou has won in their little matches i need jyushi to be the pupil that fulfills his wish#and gets to stand next to the man that helped and supported him lol he’s on equal footing with hitoya let’s fully lock in with kuukou#(a fun ichiro and jyushi parallel btw lol like samatoki was that figure that helped and supported him and he wanted to be his equal)#(both kuukou and hitoya are jyushi’s samatoki tho a bit more obscure on kuukou’s end)
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i dont have the right kind of mental illness for BBC merlin to actually make this but in my head there's an animatic of hamiltons "satisfied" involving merlin, arthur, and gwen that Haunts Me
#it haunt me#im thinking bout it again cause i got tunes on shuffle and satisfied came on#i love this fucking song#gwen is fucking. eliza.#the trouble is with merlin and arthur because like. it would make sense to have merlin be angeliica bc unrequited love but also not at all#it would be friends not sisters here but like like like#cause angelicas role better suits arthur for the song w/ being 1st born noble but likeeeeeeeeee. him n gwen aren't like.#the way hamilton talks 2 angelica is very merlin 2 arthur I think. could be other way but works best as merlin = hamilton kinda#the goal is fucking. argwen marriage merlin being depressed Just Like Canon Lads#i have like. parts of the song storyboarded in my head#the only thing i can think of is like. fucking. id be switching povs a bunch during the song to make it make sense#like uhh. arthur would be 1st and 2nd reasons. merlin would be 3rd reason.#it would start as merlin switch to arthur when they start talking then back to merlin for 3rd reason#which is WEIRD but thats the only way it would make sense I feel like????????????????????????????????????????/#with merlin its like. idk 1st and 2nd reasons don't work#ive considered doing fuckiing uhh#morgana as angelica and arthur as eliza and mmerlin as hamilton#that WOULD work best but also doesnt quite have vibes I want. i am more of a morgwen girlie idc about mergana#idk the ship names lmao#ALSO arthur would not mak e a good eliza. he is not all sweet and demure and whatever the fuck. so like#i cant win. i cant win but it haunts me sometimes it would be soooooooooooooooooooo#the love triangle drama. it lives in my head i had this idea like a fucking YEAR ago it Haunts Meeeeeeeeeee I can't escape animatic brainro#bbc merlin#i dont even usually post about my merlin bullshit thoughts#but im pullin an all nighter nad also ive lost my sanity I think#its like sinew sinewy sinewy. slipping. strerciing. ougghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i will now depart tumblr again for multiple weeks. mwah#lilac post
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#tw weight talk#im rlly proud in myself ive officially lost the weight i put on during my depressive episode this year lmao#im finally below 150lbs again. which is how i started the year but then i got Sad and it went to 165 ish#which isnt extreme or anything but i definitely felt more self conscious and worse in my ability to move or bend#its going to be hard to keep this up in winter (bc edmonton winter is miserable and i dont want to be outside) but hehhhh ill try#produce is also so expensive in winter i tend to go to starchy cheap foods but i guess Im Worth It and i should just spend the damn money
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maybe my ex shrink thinking i might be bipolar was right. or "early signs" as they put it idk she was also stupid and convinced i was addicted to adderall lmao
#tw drugs#idk maybe ill talk to my doctor about it but like wtf they gunna do?#tell me to go to therapy lmao#i hate psychiatry ):#ik diagnosis is like made up but the autism wants labels lmao#its like i have shorter more mild mania (mania not hypomania because i guess psychotic features are too scary for that) and depression and#mixed states so idk#maybe its cyclothymia?#maybe im imagining it maybe its all shit because it is. why should psychotic features suddenly mean it's a totally different thing? and why#those specific day cut offs and symptoms#and doctors don't even use criterias really#its all stupid#its all vibes based lmao#thats why my annoying fucking shrink was absolutely convinced i was “popping somebody elses adderall”#cause i cant sleep and i look it
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My cousins made their own troll Ocs and I drew them in my style.
They were very excited about it
#my art#not my art#both#trolls#dreamworks trolls#they had a lot of fun making these#i actually really love the color palette for princess i think my cpusin did a very good job on that#claw is something else#he is a unicorn troll#neon green was an interesting choice but hey claw is an interesting guy#is it obvious idk how to draw country trolls lmao#ever since i told them i also liked trolls we have had our own little club#im their person who they can talk to about it#they will also just sit and ask me to draw tiny diamond and guy diamond over and over and over and over and over again#they really like tiny diamond#but hey i love those little guys so i draw the trolls they demand of me#they also asked me to draw poppy and branch so they could color them#i still have to finish my viva coloring page for them#the younger of the two who made princess is really good at color picking and color matching#she colored poppy without a ref and its p accurate to her colors#the older one who made claw used the ref for every color but he got pretty close when he tried to guess#the older one also misunderstood me when i said id been practicing art since i was 5 and thought i was this good since i was 5#he was very depressed for about 15 minutes#it was really funny but dw i assured him that was not the case#but like for those 15 min he did not believe me#even his sister was like 'nono you didnt hear it right' but he was already in the emo zone#he was fine later tho and continued on making his troll#and also proud teacher moment but i had taught princesses creator some art techniques off handedly#not expecting her to remember any of it but then she did and apparent shes been using it ever since#im like omg i actually taught another human bsing something its insane
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Me when life
#IMMA VENT REAL QUICK BRO I’m. RAHHHHH#heavy topics ig#ANYWAYS girls when they’re feeling suicidal but don’t have time to deal with that#I’m very overstimulated right now#surely a large coffee willl help#IM TIRED BUT ANXIOUS BRO STOPPPP LMAO#it sucks. I wanna talk to counseling services on campus but#I don’t have time genuienly#and I go there a lot and ITS EMBARRASSING SHFFHHD HIIII#THE DEPRESSED BITCH IS BACK💪💪#like bruh#venting#vent tw#depression tw#I genuinely feel like I’m 15 again I’m done with life methinks#like not actually cuz I’d feel bad but like. you know what I mean
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took painkillers agaisnt my headache, i feel better now lmao
its fine to be critical of your stuff but man do i need to learn how to say just fuck it and go do it no matter how shitty you may think it is, people will always look at me weird for being weird anyway so destroying myself with self doubt about what i do isnt doing me a favor
#ganondoodles talks#personal#i know i usually dont spam with posts like these#but sometimes depression rears its ugly head and i gotta beat it back somehow#also thanks for the people that reached out#i know its getting tiresome since i alyways inevitably fall back into this depression anxienty mess#but i dont think im gonna get cured of that anytime soon lmao#“artist self doubt? in THIS economy??”
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just officially sent in my resignation for my fucking childhood dream workplace
#my boss always talks about her 'guilt complex' lmao. as soon as i have another job and dont need to worry about burning bridges#im sending this bitch a letter detailing exactly why she deserves to feel guilty for the rest of her fucking life#i hope she lies awake at night picturing my face. fully intend on letting her know how close i came to killing myself.#fully intend on intentionally continuously saying its bc SHE MADE ME anxious and SHE MADE ME depressed#since she doesnt believe she can make me anxious#i hope she has to attend therapy. i want to make her feel as guilty as she made me feel like fucking shit#fully just wish nothing but the worst for her for the rest of her lonely miserable life. i hope she realizes soon that everyone hates her#truly one of the people she considers to be a close family member also works in our department and hates her!#talks all the time about how awful she is and how horribly she treats all of us#i hope she feels that hatred every day of her fucking life and i hope she never sees true happiness as a result#until the day that my memories of my childhood refuge from abuse are no longer tainted by HER abuse‚ i pray she never knows peace
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I haven't touched life after in like 2 weeks but also in that time I've finished a 20pg comic for summer of lawlu so also I think I'm gonna stop being precious with life after and doing quicker pages cuz I did 31 pages of it in 2 months being precious which is.......so much longer than this comic took me lmao
#i keep feeling like oh no ive drawn nothing!!!#because all 20 pages of this are in 3 procreate files#and im not really just doodlin#cuz when i feel like not comic-ing im mostly going thru my ask box and pulling from there#also it's summer so im depressed and i write more so sorry for all the fic lmao#anyway im stuck in the tunnel omw to work#did u know that there is only one way for every new jersey transit train to get into nyc#so when one bungles up we all end up in a line waiting to get in#anyway what im saying is i finished my lawlu month comic that spiraled out of control#its literally one prompt#today theres a 6pg comic separate of the one im talking abt#shrug hi happy Thursday
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In my totk swap au when Zelda finds all the Poe Collocters and gets the Tunic of Memories she's like. Woaagg my girlfriends shirt...
And then she uses it as pajamas .
I also replayed the Lucky Gazette quest line and in this au I'm. Not sure how people would describe link? Like for Zelda they say they saw a blonde haired lady . Would Link have some other descriptor??? Bright blue eyes maybe? Either way Ganon's Link puppet would def be a . Mini boss fight. That'd be sooo cool omg.
#holly rambles#totk swap au#link is the gf here. link is genderfluid and i WILL die on this hill!!#anyway you know that one gif of princes bubblegumn ? with marcelines shirt. ya that one? yeah#let Zelda be a littke weird PLEASE PLEASE LET HER BE STRANGE#she straight up tried to get Link to Eat a RAW FROG.#also i just. live for weird scientist Zelda . love that for her#Zelda and her silly adventure! link and their straight up depressing one#Zelda also has collected an absurd amount of dragon parts. im talking in the hundres.#only later does she realize she was shooting arrows at her SO. lmao#also in this au link as the light dragon has the effect of curing gloom! fuse any dragon part to a weapon as be cured as you swing!#expect some doodles tomorrow of them. i wanna draw for this au more i just got. suoer demotivated after my last post wasnt seen alk that mu#kinda bummed me out cuz i worked hard on it but egghh h its judt like that sometimes#totk au
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