#its so upsetting that people are encouraged to “get help” but are not given any way to learn about different modes of therapy

[choixsimple]

The hill I will die on is that CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is just gaslighting and should absolutely not be the "default" mode of therapy

[thorne1435]

(1st off, i am a trans man) personally, it makes me slightly uncomfortable when other trans men center their own experiences. don’t get me wrong, we have a right to talk about our issues, but i can’t help but feel like there’s a victim complex going on when some guys say that TERFs are “just as dangerous” to trans men or that baeddelism is a relevant issue (while brushing the misogyny and toxic masculinity in the ftm community under the rug). the fact that you made a post about trans unity and the first ask you got was about how trans men aren’t supported enough by trans women? but like, is that true? is it not ALSO an issue that trans women aren’t supported enough by trans men?

Okay, I hear you, and I acknowledge that I (unfortunately) have fairly limited experience with trans men but I don't know if I like the idea of discounting what they have to say as "a victim complex."

They just want to be heard. And I think they have a right to be upset, given how little representation trans men are given in media. I never saw any discussions on transmasc issues until I came to Tumblr. Never saw it on YouTube or Reddit. Online leftist circles--and even online trans circles!--don't talk about trans men! So, y'know what? If they're being a little melodramatic about their issues, maybe it'll off-set the lack of any knowledge of their issues in the first place.

And also, I think toxic masculinity and misogyny are sort of part of being a man, right now? Which certainly isn't to say it's inherent to men, but society does encourage it. That's what I think should change about being a man. This goes back to societal misandry, I think. Toxic Masculinity is just a manifestation of societal forces that encourage men to behave in unhuman ways, and I think it would be immature of me to expect trans men to perfectly avoid that, in their pursuit of masculinity.

Gender is a performance. We are all looking for the role that makes us most comfortable, but the baggage attached to the roles isn't something you can side-step so easily. Cis people have an advantage on this front, in that they are capable of proving their masculinity or femininity via means other than pure performance. Society *expects* them to be men or women and that means they can gesticulate towards genitalia whenever they're called into question. (They don't always do that, and it's sort of transphobic when they do, but the ones who are comfortable with themselves might say something like that, all the same)

A trans man will uphold toxic masculinity the same way that a trans woman will submit herself to misogyny: it is in pursuit of the perfect encapsulation of the role. Unless we feel like we adequately perform the role inherently, we are inclined to tolerate--and ergo embody, to an extent--the negativity present in the roles we desire.

I believe that lowering the standards for who can be seen as valid in masculinity will alleviate quite a bit of misogyny, whether that misogyny be among transmascs or cis men. So, in saying that, I hope I also illustrate why I'm quick to jump to their defense while also tacking on my ideas about societal misandry and its toll on men.

On the subject of whether or not transfems actually don't support transmascs...I guess I wouldn't really know. I'm not in trans communities because I don't live in a place where that kind of community could show up. I imagine this problem is being blown out of proportion a little bit, but the ask I think you're talking about did say that it was sort of a Tumblr thing? And internet discourse is just...fuckin...so unbelievably shitty. So I'm not too worried about it.

I mean, I'm not going to immediately assume any transfem I meet is inherently misandristic or otherwise bigoted towards transmascs, but I'm still gonna go to bat for transmascs if they get shit-talked, y'know?

[gemini-sensei]

Bully!Hawk x Chubby!Alexopoulos!Reader

Fem!Reader ○ unedited

For as long as Hawk could remember, Reader was just Demetri's little sister. That was all she was. Being a year younger, she just followed them around and did what the boys were doing until she got friends of her own. Every sleepover, they had to include her in games because she just wanted to hangout. It was easy, but it was never anything more than that. As soon as she got her own best friend, she was running off to girly sleepovers and gigging behind her hand. She kept to herself, to her friends, and never did much to get in the way. She was the ever caring little sister that came around from time to time.

Then high school happened and the youngest Alexopoulos got hot.

She was hot in that pudgy and cute sorta way. Thick thighs, shapely hips, big bust. But she was shy and insecure. She hid her body in oversized sweaters and kept to herself. She was quiet, but never around her friends. They were an artsy crowd, drawing on all their assignments and carrying big fat sketchbooks around. When they made her laugh, she was angelic and caught everyone's eye. She thought she wasn't pretty enough for that, never seeing peoples admiring eyes. If she did, she quieted and hid behind her best friend. She was too cute for her own good.

It was unfortunate that her shy demeanor also made her an easy target for bullies like Cobra Kai, who were looking to get back a Miyagi-Do in any way they could.

Whenever she's alone, they crowd around and shove her between them, back and forth, making the poor girl whimper and shink up. It's like a game to them as they laugh, but there's no clear objective as to what they're doing. They pick at her hair, her clothes, her fat. She gets pinched on the flab of her arms or her round cheeks. They call her names and insult her ruthlessly. Some tease her by throwing food at her, packs of candy or little chocolates, laughing as she run away.

Hawk is among the group pestering her. He laughs as she gets upset, grinning as she looks at him for help but he doesn't tell his friends to stop. He joins in, pinching her arms and teasing her as she tries to get away. Sometimes he lets her go and they laugh as she hurries away.

Sometimes he messes with her on his own.

He catches her around corners, makes her late for class, stops her from leaving on time. He pushes her around, trips her up, knocks her books out of her hand. He takes her sketchbook and holds it over her head, telling her she'll have to do something about it to get it back.

"Please, Eli! Give it back," she cries.

His nostrils flare up. He shoves it into her chest and backs her up into a set of lockers. She yelps, but he hardly notices. "Its Hawk."

After that, she tries to avoid him, and he notices. So he makes it hard for that to happen. He catches her when she comes out of class, finds her at lunch, prevents her from leaving gym on time. He's a menace to her a d he's inescapable. He knows her too well.

The first te something happens between them, it's at a party. He was invited with all of Cobra Kai, she was dragged there by friends encouraging her to have a good time. Some hours in, she's alone, holding a cup of beer that isn't hers, and not talking to anyone. She's stuck herself to the wall to be out of everyone's way and as Hawk comes in from outside, he spots her. She's on her phone, trying to ignore the world around her.

He approaches and puts a hand on the wall by her head. She looks up and he smirks as he sees the look on her face. He takes the drink from her hand and chugs it as she tries to tell him it's not hers, but he already knew that. Given the chance to drink, she'd never do it.

"I know," he says, dropping the empty cup. "You're too much of a goody two shoes for that."

She looks away from him, but he grabs her chin and makes her look at him. She pouts and it's probably the cutest thing she's even done. He squishes her cheeks in his hand and laughs at her, but it becomes a soft chuckle as he leans into her. She can smell the alcohol on his breath and put her hands on his chest, feeling the lean muscle he's built up that she knows wasn't there before. It's a thought in the back of her mind, though, as she asks,

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to kiss you."

"You're drunk."

He scoffs. "I've barely had two drinks. I hardly feel a buzz."

Her hands on his chest don't do anything. He still leans into her, slowly. She can push him away if she wants to, he gives her the chance. He's inches away from her and asks,

"Can I kiss you?"

She stares up at him, up into his handsome blue eyes. The same eyes she grew up around and as he stares back at her, they are soft like she remembers them. She nods gently and he smiles at her.

Next thing she knows, they're kissing in the corner of a room at a party she didn't want to come to. Her arms are wrapped around his neck and he's holding her waist, eventually sliding his arms around her and holding her close. It's a head dizzying, heated, perhaps long overdue kiss. Her chest is exploding with a rush of excitement fueled by a childhood crush come back to life.

(Old draft that is technically incomplete but could be read as a finished maybe. I don't really remember what the rest of this was going to be 🤷‍♀️)

[manynarrators]

When I say this song has fundamentally changed how I hc the Devils Minions 70s/80s breakup to have gone down! I’ve been listening to it in repeat for days trying to figure out all my thoughts about it.

So I know as a fandom, the general thought is that Armand is the one to call it quits. Which, you know, makes sense as the person with the memory erasing powers. But if I may play devils advocate (yes, pun intended) what if it was Daniel to break up with him?

Hear me out, because I have logic, that also helps double as why I think the show making him a drug addict and not just an alcoholic is an absolutely inspired choice. It’s not even just the fun irony that Armand had the funky golden eyes. (Or the “then you wake up next to a monster” line being incredibly literal in his case!)

My first thing, is that Armand, historically, is never the primary driver resulting in major changes in his life. See: slavers, Marius, Lestat, Louis, Daniel in Dubai— so it makes sense it was Daniel back then too. If Armand had the prerequisite character development to make those choices on his own, it wouldn’t be Daniel in Dubai. Therefore, it’s logical to assume the same was true then.

But why, you might ask, would Daniel break up with Armand? Two interrelated reasons. Daniel is an addict, either with drugs or for vampire blood. It’s also really hard to get clean if you don’t change your circumstances in any way. The people are the same, the habits, the spaces… super easy to fall back into it.

Armand is both the toxic situation encouraging use, and also the drug itself. It’s enabling him, even if he does also try and take care of him. But how does he help? By giving him more blood because of its healing affects which just keeps the whole process alive. It feels good to be on it, and bad to be off, even if it is, ultimately harmful.

The breakup as Daniel attempting to get clean and turn his life around— and to do that, he can’t have Armand there.

If Daniel were the one to break up with him, it could also help explain why Armand’s emotions about him during the interview are both… characterized by the fond looks and attempts to soften some of the things Louis does (eg. the Parkinson’s moment) but also some more upset moments. This is someone who left him.

Armand, about Louis says he asked for his memories to be removed, what if it’s the same case here? Daniel asks for it, because he thinks it will be easier to get and stay clean if he can’t remember the addiction in the first place (it doesn’t work as well as he might hope).

Cut to Daniel being turned as falling off the wagon. Not only has he relapsed, but he, in some way, metaphorically overdoses. Vampirism does kill the person it’s given to, fifty years clean and he dies from it in the end.

Also, listen to the song and tell me it doesn’t work! Like there’s so many lines that are perfect, and if anyone wants, I would totally make another post just going through the song with a fine tooth comb as seen through a “Devils Minion breakup as getting clean” analytical lens. (I would be lying if I said I wasn’t working on a DM breakup playlist).

I am certain there’s more thoughts I am forgetting here, but tldr: Devils Minion as getting clean, and Daniel asks for Armand to erase his memories.

[zuwellynfics]

Headcanons for Original Obey Me Beelzebub, Simeon, Diavolo, and Barbatos with shy gn s/o?

Beelzebub, Simeon, Diavolo, and Barbatos with shy!MC

A/N: All of my favorites in one post hehehe…thank you for requesting! Always happy to deliver content.

Genre: Fluff

Beelzebub:

For starters, Beel is the sweetest guy ever. Point blank period.

With brothers like Levi, and in some cases Belphie, he got used to being around shyer people

Golden retriever boyfriend. Send tweet.

Loves eating with you! He’d try to cool for you but, well, nobody said being the Avatar of Gluttony was easy

Sometimes he just- kind of stares at you. Its very soft..

Will intimidate anybody who teases you for your shyness

Its not fun to be made fun of and he hates seeing you upset

Constantly tries to hold your hand. All of the time. Everywhere you go.

Likes to give you small little kisses on the corner of your mouth, or the bridge of your nose

Simeon:

Good old fashioned romantic

True gentleman too

Likely confessed to you through a love letter (although that is a story for another time)

He understands being so shy, its natural.

Looooves spending time with you at Purgatory Hall!

Will read to you with zero hesitation

Listens to all, and I mean all of your interests

If so inclined to do so, he’ll share some poetry with you. He’s fine with the usual writing but poetry is different for him

Talks very highly about you to Raphael, who has no idea who he’s talking about the first few times.

All in all? True romantic who, while he tries to not fluster you too much, is still very sweet and sappy.

Diavolo:

Literal royalty, spoils you to bits

Also very silly…no seriously, he’s always coming up with a new joke to tell you (which its Diavolo, its unexpected but he does have that softer side)

Loves you so much- its almost a little suffocating

Will crush you in a hug, with zero hesitation

Always greats you with a hug from behind and a kiss on your forehead, no matter how busy the day was

Lives to see you flustered, he thinks its cute!

He encourages you to get out of your shell if its something you want to improve on

But doesn’t mind you being so shy!

He takes care of social interactions in the event you attend a royal gathering of any kind

Just a silly guy, but loves you so much

Barbatos

Bakes for you constantly

Showers you with kisses, only in private

He’s simple, but has that romantic side to him

He himself isn’t the most outgoing person outside of tending to Diavolos needs, so is very content to stay away from people with you

Believe it or not, he prefers you hold him when you cuddle

It just feels safe

Quality time and Acts of Service happen to be his love language so get used to that.

If you ever get intimidated by any given situation he’ll immediately be by your side to help you.

[wherevenusholdssomeofficespace]

I just went through like... almost all of your posts. And loved all of them (mostly pnf and mml, haven't seen the other one yet).

But I came to ramble to you about a specific pnf character.

Stacy Hirano

Like. She's Candaces' best friend, down for anything, and doesn't get mad (much) when Candace goes to bust her brothers. Loves hanging out with Phineas and Ferb. She dated Coltrane, a band member, who barely appears again (I think, I remember him in like, 3 episodes (it has been awhile since I've watched it.))

She binged Sherlock books in a night with Candace. Tries to help bust Phineas and Ferb with and for Candace. Becomes president of... someplace.

Canonically knows Perry is a secret agent. Has helped Vanessa out in that one Halloween episode.

Just. Stacy.

I noticed you going through my stuff today and taking a break from my long day to look at someone appreciating my stuff certainly helped make my day!

And yes. Stacy is AMAZING. She's honestly such a wild character in her own right and its kind of hidden behind the fact that while she is Candace's best friend, she's not quite a major character in her own right the way Phineas and Ferb's friends are, and that honestly the kids side of things tends to be a bit under appreciated to begin with. So she mostly exists as an auxiliary character to Candace, but Candace being well, Candace, that leaves a lot of room.

On first glance Stacy seems like she's just Candace's cooler best friend. There to provide contrast on what a normal teenage girl is. Stacy's generally more fashionable, more chilled out. She's Candace's straight man. But like any of the characters she has her own moments.

We may not have seen any Candace levels of stuff from Stacy. But Stacy is pretty capable herself. Being a good skater and a Disco Miniature Golf Queen, being able to keep up with Candace on some level in some of her escapades, and handle the obstacle course. But also her just accidentally surviving the pharmacist apocalypse. She's also rather smart, somehow becomes President of Uruguay, puts together an elaborate home entertainment system. Though that said its kind of anyone's guess what she knows on a given subject, horrendously bad at geography, but has been shown to enjoy documentaries, reading Sherlock Holmes and knows when hieroglyphs were deciphered. She is at least able to keep calm in situations that others may freak out in, such as when she got bit by a spider and when Doof broke into her house she was relatively calm about the whole thing. Also relatively calm about the whole being on a ship in turbulent water fighting a shark thing.

Stacy has been Candace's friend since they were 5. As in they've been friends longer than Ferb and Lawrence have been in Candace's life. And they will continue to be friends into the future, truly a lifelong friendship. While we have seen Stacy get upset with Candace before, for prioritizing her brothers and her boyfriend, Stacy all things. Stacy does generally get the short end of the stick, such as in Run Candace Run. I think Stacy provides a sort of frame of reference for Candace's new relationships, with Jeremy and Vanessa in particular. They are people she thinks are cool and wants to impress. Stacy already knows she's a disaster, but is one that Stacy appreciates.

I LOVE her and Jeremy's relationships, what little we get of it. Jeremy is madly in love with Candace and Stacy is her long suffering friend. Both care for her a LOT but it manifests very differently between the two of them, but also very much the same. Jeremy finds a lot of Candace's flaws cute and endearing, Stacy calls her out. Jeremy encourages her in a sort of overly saccharine sort of way. Stacy hypes her up in a more "you're better than this" sort of way. But both sort of tease her with the same sort of fondness. The comfortableness they display with each other is nice. In Nerds of a Feather they call each other to ask about Candace. In the Curse of Candace where Jeremy teases her about taking Candace to a movie, both fully aware of how Candace sometimes dials things up to 11. I also adore the CATU scene with the two of the, where Stacy teases Jeremy about LARPing. Stacy is also the one who told Jeremy about Candace being Queen of Mars which also implies they talk outside of Candace which I love.

I don't think it's unfair to say that Candace isn't as good a friend to Stacy as vice versa, but I think this just has to do with the framing of the show, where Stacy doesn't have any huge wants. But when we DO see Stacy want something: for instance a trophy, Candace does so without hesitation even if she doesn't have the complete context. Also, Candace never holds it against Stacy for failing to do what she wants. I think it is also sort of sweet that by the end of the show that Stacy will just do her own thing if she can't get Candace to do what she wants, even in a normal friendship that's a sign of not being a priority.

With Stacy finding out about Perry's secret identity she really has found herself in a position to understand all sides of the mysterious force. We haven't really seen it come to fruition, but Stacy knows a lot. And I think this is great. Now, mind you, I am a firm believer that all of the teens are quite close to cracking the situation open, Candace I believe knows subconsciously, Vanessa just has to actually be invited over to the Flynn-Fletcher's once, and to a lesser extent Jeremy has taught guitar lessons to Doof and Monogram.

I've seen the idea of Stacy being like another older sister to the Flynn-Fletcher boys floating around and I buy it. Stacy is very often Candace's extra set of hands, attempting to bust Candace's brothers on her behalf. Stacy accompanied the Flynn-Fletcher's to England, and was Candace's Tree House Fight buddy. Stacy being an older sister herself also means Stacy GETS it, maybe she doesn't get Candace's exact situation. But she gets the "overly talented younger siblings who admire you for some reason even if all their attempts to get your approval really just makes you feel bad" thing.

Also besides knowing Perry's secret, the fact that she is Ginger's sister has allowed us to see more of Ginger outside of the Fireside Girls, which kind of puts her in a position of having a sort of connection to both the Fireside Girl plots, the Candace plots, and the Perry plots. No direct connection to the boys plots, but the fireside and Candace plots both intersect enough. She's kind of in a position to get to understand the whole mysterious force situation better than anyone else, aside from Perry, which I think might be interesting.

[nychthemeron-rants]

Daddy Angel AU

Niffty's mom:

Niffty's mother in this AU is a Japanese American woman named Hana Tanaka living in Brooklyn, New York. She worked as a seamstress in Angel's gang's territory.

Hana was a close friend of Molly's in life, and this is how Angel met her. Due to Angel being much more respectful to women than any of the other gangsters, being very charming, and protecting her and the rest of Molly's other friends from some creeps once she developed a huge crush on him. Eventually, everyone except for Angel figures out her crush because she isn't subtle, but Angel is too preoccupied and gay to think anything of it.

Then, one night, Molly and her friends were drinking at a bar that Angel's gang owned at the same time as Angel and some of the other gang members. Angel's buddies start giving him shit for never having a girlfriend and never pursuing women, and soon the teasing starts heading to "prove you aren't gay" territory. Since at this point its common knowledge Hana has a thing for Angel, they point him to her as someone who'd be easy to seduce. And she is.

After, Angel feels horrible and guilty. He admits he only had sex with her to get his buddies off his ass, and that he doesn't want anything more with her, that he views her as a great woman, but just not his type. Hana is crushed but asks if they can stay friends. When Angel agrees, she has him swear not to go around telling people what happened, given the repercussions of a woman losing her virginity before marriage in the 1930s. Angel swears.

A while later, Hana finds out she's pregnant. Still single, she panics and goes to Angel to see one last time if there is any chance he'd be open to a relationship. He says no, and when she presses, he says says that she's a great woman who deserves a man who will actually be able to love and provide for her, two things he can't do. She relents and leaves without ever mentioning she's pregnant.

Next that Angel hears of her its Molly telling him that she's moving to New Jersey. Angel is disappointed because he did consider her a friend but doesn't think much of it.

Meanwhile, Hana had told Molly everything, and Molly swears to be a good auntie, even if Hana doesn't want Angel to know that he's the dad. Over the years, Molly and Hana keep in touch, send letters, call, and occasionally meet up. Angel mostly hears and communicates with her through Molly. He even has seen pictures of her and her daughter, though he thinks its odd that her husband is never in any of the photos...

Niffty is born when Angel and Hana are both about 20, Angel dies at 35, when Niffty is 15, still under the assumption that Hana married and had Niffty with a husband that doesn't exist. Hana is upset by this news but had long since moved on and only mourns him as a friend and mourns that Niffty will now never get to meet her father.

Hana never marries. She raises her daughter, Niffty, as a single mother by claiming her husband died and she's too grief-stricken to remarry. Its extremely hard, but despite all odds they pull through. This is especially miraculous as Niffty has always been very clearly mentally ill and people had pressured Hana to institutionalize her. In fact, this threat is a large part of why she never remarried, a husband could send Niffty away without Hana's consent. Hana instead did everything she could to help and protect Niffty and got her all the way into adulthood.

She encourages Niffty to go to college, both to find a husband and to get an education so she has options if she can't find a husband. Unfortunately for them both, Niffty does find a husband early on and drops out to marry him.

Hana can tell that this asshole is bad news, but she can't get through to Niffty. So the marriage goes through. She makes her daughter's wedding dress.

Suddenly she barely hears from her daughter and after only a few years she gets a call that Niffty had killed her husband and had been arrested. And then in what felt like a blink of an eye her baby had not only been institutionalized after years of trying to prevent exactly that, but she had died from a botched lobotomy.

Wracked with grief, Hana moves back to New York to be with friends and family. There, she spends the rest of her life as a beloved pillar of the community and maintaining her friendship with Molly, serving as an aunt to her kids. She passed peacefully in her 80s and now resides in heaven, still friends with Molly after all this time. However, she is horrified by the knowledge that Niffty is in hell.

[artshineaura]

not sure if this is gonna get me absolutely murdered or not, but in my opinion...

VALVE DOES NOT NEED TO WORK ON TF2 ANYMORE

i love tf2 as much as the next person, but i feel like the tf2 community tends to forget that 10-13 years of a game being supported, officially playable and updated, especially an online multiplayer game, is an absolute miracle.

its been 17 years now and just like other game studios, (especially moreso in this case given valves "work mostly on what you want" structure) the devs should be allowed to move on to newer projects, rather than being stuck to tf2 forever.

"but valve is profiting off of the game while keeping it unplayable! they should shut off all the servers and turn off the microtransactions!"

while i would agree in any other circumstance, TF2 has a massive economy built around it and its items. if you take down tf2s item servers or mann co store suddenly, or even with notice, there are people out there who would lose thousands of dollars.

i feel like this kind of anger would be better directed at the fact that valve still continues to update the game with community content, none of which they had ANY hand in creating, not to mention, so much of the content in these updates, which again, they havent helped make at all, they profit off of by selling. *this* is what im upset about with tf2 and valve. not the lack of fix for the bots.

i think ideally valve would either stop with the community made updates, or atleast put together community made updates where theres zero paid content.

...HOWEVER, much like anyone else, i do still love this game and if another #savetf2 were to happen, i would 100% partake in it! and id encourage you to do the same if you like the game at all!

i would love to see a fix to the bots and maybe even new major content updates, and id try to push for that online! but i would not go about it with the mindset of "valve MUST fix and update this 17 YEAR OLD GAME!!"

ofc i dont want to make anyone mad with this post. this is just my opinion. if you disagree and think it really is valves obligation to fix the game, thats cool! i just personally disagree

[blue-ish-sky]

If anyone has the energy and time to spare, I could use some help.

I, like many others, emailed my MP about the genocide currently happening in Palastine. Today I recived a response. I'm trying to formulate my own response, but I'm struggling to sort through sources and find ones that couldn't simply be brushed away as baised. Any and all info would be really appreciated. I'm also going to put the mp's response under the cut incase anyone has any thoughts.

Trigger warning for incredibly infuriating, upsetting and callous things being said regarding the Palestinian genocide by Israel.

"The situation in the Middle East is extremely difficult, heartbreaking and we all wish it wasn’t happening. We all want a resolution as swiftly as possible and all wish that we were not in the place that we are. Whilst I think it is going to be extremely challenging, I hope that a way can be found as soon as is practical to calm the situation.

The challenge I’m afraid, though, is in when that happens. What is happening in Gaza is a war situation and, regrettably and very terribly, that means we have seen difficult days and that there will be further ones ahead. That war was created by Hamas, a terrorist organisation, indiscriminately killing 1,200 people and dragging another 200 back into Gaza to use as pawns in a political game. It is absolutely, utterly outrageous what they have done and they have caused the events which have ended in the place they are.

Whilst I understand the point you are making, the challenge I have is that Israel must, in my view, have the ability to defend itself. They must be able to look their citizens in the eye and confirm that they are not going to be murdered in cold blood by a terrorist organisation that is willing to execute grandmothers and then upload footage of that execution to her own Facebook page so her family can see. Israel has been very clear that it seeks to minimise casualties and it has made clear attempts to do so (including having been criticised for elements of that policy); it drops leaflets in advance of its operations, it has been clear that it would be safer for civilians to temporarily move out of the northern part of Gaza and it has people embedded into its frontline army operations, who do not report into the military chain of command but instead the Israeli attorney general separately, to assess the proportionality of what it is doing. Whilst war situations are always very difficult, it is trying to minimise casualties whilst focusing on the ultimate objective – to remove the terrorist organisation that is Hamas. That ceasefire and the suffering could be ended, right now, if Hamas laid down their weapons, stopped using hospitals as command centres, stopped firing rockets (badly) so they end up killing their own people and stop using the Gazan people as human shields.

You ask for a ceasefire. I would love to see hostilities end but, practically and logically, I don’t understand how that is possible. Hamas are bad faith actors. They behead people. They throw their own people off buildings. Is that who we should encourage the Israelis to seek a permanent ceasefire with? And, if a ceasefire is agreed, what conditions should Hamas be given? Because, if the past is to go by, all Hamas do is regroup and get ready to create the next terrorist attack to start another cycle of violence. They have literally said that they would repeat 7th October time and time again, given the chance to do so.

If you, like I, want peace in the Middle East, work night and day to get rid of Hamas. If you want to ensure that we are not back here every time Hamas find a way to commit new atrocities, support the removal of that barbaric organisation which kills its own people. If you believe in the long-term prospects of peace in the Middle East, start with the right of Israel not to have 1,300 of its defenceless citizens executed. I deplore the loss of a single human life and badly want the situation in the Middle East to be resolved – but the first and only way to do that is for Hamas to be removed.

I am sorry that we are unable to agree on this matter but I hope the above is helpful in some way. I want this situation resolved as quickly as possible and for peace to come to the whole of the Middle East. Yet, I cannot and will not support actions which simply will embolden terrorists in the long-run. None of this had to happen. It only did because Hamas chose to come into Israel, execute, maim, burn, behead, rape and kill. That is the reason for what is happening. If you are concerned, angry, frustrated and despairing of what is happening in the Middle East, blame Hamas. And demand with every sinew of your being that the action to remove them is quick, successful and allows a new chapter to open for everyone – and lays the foundation for peace in the long-term."

[bawdybean]

I saw you mention in the comments that you were also banned from the 30+ Fanfic Discord Server without warning or explanation. Would you be willing to share your story?

Sure why not. So I joined the server because I had several friends on there who were enjoying it, and then once I was there, a bunch MORE friends joined. It was nice for a bit, but I noticed quite quickly that there was one mod (Adela) who was... a bit aggressive. A hair trigger for correcting others but often did not follow the rules themselves- and that bothered me a lot due to previous fandom experience.

As an example, I invited a friend, and then left quite quickly because within a single day, Adela had come at them over their opinion on the ability of someone to write from a perspective they don't have (such as writing across genders etc). The mod apologized eventually and said they were very touchy about it because of a friend. Oookay. The flags were there but I chose to keep giving it a try. It is supposed to be a server full of adults (30+ is the whole point) and we were encouraged to act like adults- in the rules. But in practice, any phrase that any member or mod could interpret wrong was worthy of the mods reminding us not to do X Y o r Z because it might be offensive to someone. When I spoke up and asked that also maybe everyone could assume good intent as well? I was shushed and talked down to. I always felt that the mods were trying to "parent" the server. Adela in particular. One mod would tell me one thing and then Adela would come in HOURS later to correct both me and that mod.

Finally fed up with this I messaged the Server Owner Maryberry. I explained that I felt Adela was targeting some members of the server, and that I felt treated like a child, that ill intent was assumed in members actions first, but that Adela herself often did the things she corrected of others, even though they were not within the rules. I further explained that I had had a previous bad experience with a mod in a large server where I was a mod and that Adela bore a striking resemblance in behaviors. So in fairness part of it was me being set off by that. I asked if I was allowed to block a mod, because this is not explicitly stated in the rules but is the advice we/I would have given in much larger servers in case of a mod/member conflict. I also edxplained that several others had complained to me about Adela's behavior, including getting a DM from a server member I did not know, saying Adela was just like this and that Adela had treated her that way too, and she just wanted me to know I wasn't alone. I blacked out the persons name and passed that message along to Maryberry as well, naively thinking that perhaps they were too close to the situation and just not aware that they had a mod making a LOT of people uncomfortable. Maryberry asked if theycould tell Adela I had a problem with her, and i requested she not as I did not see how that would help in any way. They then requested time to think over if I should be allowed to block a mod. They decided I could, but that I would be at risk of missing messages that were important. I pointed out that I had a partner in the server who would relay those if needed, and that there was rarely if ever only a single mod on and proceeded to block Adella. Who continued to ping me with replies, respond to my comments (at times aggressively still), and all that came with that. I decided to stop speaking in the server because so often what I said drew attention from Adela, and with it criticism or unhelpful argument for the sake of argument. They have (had, idk if its still around) a public channel for asking questions and making suggestions for rule changes etc to the server, and one day someone was upset and requested a new rule that we not be allowed to make any jokes about any language we aren't a native speaker of (such as not being able to say: English can't verb, unless we are native English speaker. I chimed in that it might also be helpful to just assume good intent on the part of other server members and talk to them if they say something you feel is offensive since there is no real way to police if a person is a native speaker of a given language or not. And again a rule like that seemed unnecessarily "mommy-ing" of the adults in this server that claims to promote a mature atmosphere. Another mod responded to me, we all chatted in the channel things seemed fine. Adela came in hours later and scoured my ass, with a pinged reply. At this point I did behave poorly. I admit it. I unblocked Adela and DMd them that I had unblocked them specifically to let them know that I did not appreciate their behivior and that I was requesting that they no ping/reply/address me at all. I sent a screen shot of that DM to MaryBerry. I was not cruel, but I was BLUNT, and I did tell Adela that I did not appreciate her response. For transparency here is a shot of what I sent her.

what I then sent to the server owner

and the warning I received in response:

At this point I decided that the only way for me to be able to be present in the server was to be a lurker, watching and enjoying what my friends and partner participated in but not able to share anything myself. But I stayed because it was one server, where a lot of people I knew had congregated and so much easier than DMing 15 people to keep up with them. Then **4 months later** came the bruhaha that was referenced in part one of this blog. Adela broke rules again, it caused a stir and people spoke up, including me about this continuing to be an issue [mods not applying the rules to themselves or their friends] and retaliating against those who spoke up. One mod asked me in honestly in public chat why I stayed in the server if i did not feel i could even speak in it, and I answered honestly, that I stay because i know and am liked by many people here, and its nice to see what they are up to. Another mod suggested that perhaps I should evaluate if the server was a good fit for me since I didn't feel I could participate, and in that context it came off very much as "get out" to the point of other people asking as well in chat. I asked for clarification if I was being asked to leave the server of my own accord, and was told that no, that was a decision for me to make. I chose to stay, and was unceremoniously banned a day or two later without any further interaction from any mod, any notification, or warning. To be clear in the idk 9+ mo I was in the server I received one warning and I accepted it. As shown above. That was MONTHS before I was banned. When several of my friends asked why I was banned in open chat, the mods released their patented "we never ban without communicating why/warning/etc" and said that unfortunately I was banned for reasons "unrelated" to me questioning why the rules did not apply to the mods.

[fordp1nes]

my brain has been overloaded with a lot of different emotions in a lot of intensities that i'm Not Used To and it's been extremely. deeply. unpleasant. (yo uhh long ventpost under the cut. reader beware you're in for deeply suppressed emotions)

it's like. how does this kind of fucking thing keep happening? beyond the obvious exceptions (you guys) it feels like my friends hate me. i've been getting into like. EXTREMELY incandescent rages at the worst ones. they last like hours sometimes. and then a moment later my mood switches entirely and i feel like i'm about to cry. but at the same time, i never let myself actually say how i feel, because that would Cause Problems and i have a history of even worse things happening to me because i said how i felt in a way that was harmful. but this is hurting me RIGHT NOW. y'know?

the crying thing is really bizarre especially. yesterday i felt like i was about to cry at every single point in the school day. the entire goddamn time. but i didn't. there was a REALLY close call but i didn't. and thats because i (and Another Guy (You Know Who You Are (Hey Man (How's it going)))) have had an issue with a guy Literally Stalking Us. but its also because of other things but the guy who is quite literally stalking me is NOT fucking helping. the entire day yesterday i felt like he would come in at any fucking moment. i'm talking full hypervigilance mode. i haven't had to be like that in a while but oh my god. it's so much worse than it was online .

another thing that happened yesterday was people switching in at very strange times. we were dicking around with a friend during some free time in one of my classes and they took a picture of me (which i was okay with/encouraged). whoever was fronting (i don't even fucking KNOW who it could have been) put their head in their hands and then someone IMMEDIATELY popped right in and had to figure out wtf had just happened.

things have been very weird and emotionally skewed recently. it is fucking with us A Lot. hey uhh if you've gotten this far a) Sorry and b) give us a little leeway if we seem off or snappy or short with you. a lot of emotions have been Happening and i have basically uhh. zero outlet for them.

but like?? the bullying and shit has gone up by a factor of 5 and i have no IDEA why. last year practically nothing happened and this year Something Has Happened for pretty much every day in a given week. even excluding the stalker guy. people have been pricks before but it's never felt like my life/safety was actually IN DANGER until now. not to mention this kind of thing happening in classes where i SHOULD be safe. people are talking LITERALLY RIGHT BEHIND my back in my drama class. i don't know what they're saying because my brain is bad at processing words when i can't see who's talking. but i can tell when it's about me, and that scares the living shit out of me. someone who i KNOW is transphobic got moved into my drama class and it's extremely hard to function as an actor and AS A PERSON when i know they're sitting there. watching me. and this isnt even getting into the stress i feel as a transgender person for the 2024 election

the election is in november. i think it's nov 5 2024 if i remember right. i *just barely* miss the cutoff to vote for president. by a little over a month. and i've been upset over this for Literally 8 years at this point, but i've never been SCARED over it until now. there is hate speech against people like me and myself everywhere. i know (or i guess knew. now. that's a different story) multiple trans people living in different states where their existence is being deemed illegal. but i'm the only person IRL who acts like i'm fucking scared. i'm terrified! WE SHOULD ALL BE TERRIFIED! if ANY republican gets elected, in a little over a year my entire life will be turned upside down. i'll have to move out of the country. i've never even BEEN out of the country before. i don't own a passport. if someone gets elected that won't tolerate people like me, i'll have a little under 2 months to pack my things and leave. i won't be able to join my graduating class, because i'm a fucking tranny and i'm not safe here.

LIKE I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING FUCKING INSANE! LITERALLY! i've had minor psychotic issues in the past but this is causing me to doubt fucking everything i've been experiencing because a) nobody else is scared, b) nobody else besides me (and the Other Person) is getting bullied as intensely (I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M EVEN DOING WRONG????), and c) i can't confide in most of my friends on account of the whole I Think They Might Hate Me issue. i have had such bad luck with friends. especially in the last 4 years. i genuinely think i don't know how a real friendship is supposed to look or function, i've been mistreated and burned so many times. i already have issues opening up to people because of Past Happenings, but all of this is making stuff so much worse and i feel trapped and stuck. it's fucking terrifying. why am i the only one who is scared? why am i the only one who is being rejected?

THE FUCKING REJECTION! that's maybe the worst part!!! i'll wave at people and SAY THEIR NAMES IN THE HALL and they'll just breeze on by???? WHAT DID I FUCKING DO? NOBODY WILL TELL ME IF I'M DOING ANYTHING WRONG! they just breeze on by. it's like i'm fucking invisible. am i? AM I? WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WRONG? seriously! it's WORSE THAN A 50/50 that a given person i say hi to by their entire ass NAME will actually acknowledge me back in any way. this fucking sucks man. okay i need to cut this off NOW before i never finish this. i'll probably delete this when one of us gets self conscious enough to. good lird man.

[star-ocean-peahen]

*grumble grumble*

i just—grrrrr

mom's mad. mom's snippy because she's been looking after a small human with the attitude of a wasp all day. mom may be being slightly unfair to the medium human.

but DAD. really???? really. do you really need to stand there making gestures like "mom's mad right now listen to her" but not in a "mom's feeling upset right now" kind of way but a "your mom's being crazy again" kind of way?? you've definitely never taken any of your kids aside and tried to help them UNDERSTAND why people behave a certain way when theyre upset or EXPLAIN how to react to someone being mad and taking it out on you!! nah you're just going with a "your mom's fucking up and acting crazy again" kind of reaction. the medium human would not have such a problem with her if you didnt encourage them!!! you imply the kids are depressed and emotionally disregulated because she shut them out but you never modeled proper conflict resolution or emotional regulation!! why would you act like its HER fault when its BOTH of your faults?????

but NOOOOOO......................................*sigh* because you were never given these tools yourself and it's not fair to expect you to know how to do things you've never done. because its not actually possible for you to do better yet without significant work and support. because i love you and im doing a shitty job of showing it when i blame you for things out of your control. i just. i keep sorting all the things he does around me into "problematic" and "being a great dad" and it trips me up so much when he does something that makes me feel loved and makes me laugh and makes me feel like i have my dad but then a few minutes later he does something that i identify as a source of confusion and hurt.........................ugh. i hate this.

it's hard to reconcile how he's made me feel safer than anyone else ever could and how he's scared me + made me worry. Like, i have a very sweet and secure memory of him singing me to sleep but also i have the memory where he told me another country could hit us with a WMD at any time and because of where we live we'd be the first to die. that wasn't a necessary thing i needed to know at ten, if it was even true. but he's come through for me when i needed him so so so so so many times. but he did something that traumatized me. but we can banter and talk for hours and laugh and laugh and laugh. but he's the best teacher ive ever had. but i can count the times he's praised me for my work on two hands. but he understands how im feeling in really important moments. but he'll observe me get so upset im uncontrollably sobbing and do nothing. but he accepts the weirdest and most bizarre parts of me. but i have to walk on eggshells around him. but i know he's incredibly proud of me. but im terrified of disappointing him. but i know without a doubt that he loves me so, so much. but he's hurt me.

its. hard to know what to do with that.

[stellawolfe30]

Hey I got a question, as a more or less new artist trying develop their skills, I am having trouble liking the art I make. Like my motivation depletes as I am drawing, cause I feel like I'm not drawing right. Do you have any tips for getting past this? If not that's absolutely okay, just wanted to ask cause you're a skilled artist, and asking questions gives insight.

im honored you'd ask me this anon, genuinly bc....i went through the SAME THING.

so first off yep i am an experienced artist at this point in my artistic journey but that still means i have doubts...many. about my art. doubts never really go away, they always stick but i can say they do lessen.

now that thats out of the way.

there was a time where i HATED my art, hell still kinda do sometimes. just a couple months ago i hit an art block bc i was so jelous of others people's art that i just couldnt make anything i felt worthwhile. and even before that i used to constantly hate my art simply because i wasnt very skilled and still new to art stuff.

the best thing to do for yourself is to accept how your art is right now and continue learning. how i always overcome days where i absolutly despise my art (i do that alot) i grab a couple references from pinterest and from my favorite artists and start learning. when i see my art improving (and u need to keep an open mind to this not doubt every line) i feel better. i feel more confident.

you also have to accept that your art will NEVER look like thiers. not because of skill but because art is a personal thing for everyone. just like everyhuman is different your art will be different and beautiful in a brand new way.

Basically what I'm saying is, give yourself a break. take a moment to breathe when u feel like ur art isnt right. then try learning something new. when u see development, be proud and accept that you're still learning. if i would have given up when my art was...man it wasnt good, i never would be where i am today with my art. im proud of my progress and i promise you as long as you keep going you will be proud of it too. draw what u love and hey if u like my art i tottally encourage u to reference it. i did the same with other artists alot and still do.

also dont think too hard when doing art, trust me it makes everything worse. have fun while drawing get exited! when im upset and drawing it doesnt ussually end up right. so have fun with it and try not too worry too much when something isnt right. you can always redraw it and...please please please reference lol it helps SO MUCH

okay so its really small but ohmygod eeeewww

this was before covid like 2-3 years before covid

2019

Maaaan my art wasn't great. But here I am now..satisfied with where I am as an artist when I used to think I'd never get here. trust me all you need is patience with yourself and an open mind to continue learning.

wish u the best of luck anon

[epipenis]

i want them to suffer. i want to take back control. i wish id never gotten this far, this deep. i hate the idea that they think of me this way, that they’re better than me because they had a therapist telling to to do self care and about roll confusion. i’m so fucking mad and sad and hurt. i want to hurt them. but i cant. i have nothing. and its cruel. i’m just so so so fucking tired of feeling so incredibly exceedingly unappreciated. get out of my life. stop leaching off of the limited resources i have. do you even fucking realize for one second how much i’ve given up for you. how much i’ve begged and bared everything and lit myself on fire to try for you and you have failed me again and again and again and now i want you gone. and that anger and pain is so much stronger because i can’t get rid of you, i can’t have things go back to how they were, i can’t make you less selfish and ungrateful. i fucking hate you so much…. because i’ve loved you beyond what is even reasonable, or ultimately sustainable or healthy…. and it literally could never be enough. because you were never enough. and i’m a fucking fool for taking you on. i want you gone. i want you far away. and yet i want so desperately to have you see it. to have you appreciate it. at this point i just want to watch you suffer under the pain i’ve been carrying for so fucking long and literally dragging you along while i get dragged back. i’m worse off than i’ve ever been and you have barely made any growth……….. you’ve made some but it’s not even close to enough. it’s not enough. and you still dare to complain and burn the money you’ve been given. amanda said it themselves- not even if regard to me, but in regard to themselves, to jeff, ryan, rainey. “i don’t think they’ll ever realize how much good will they’ve burned”. i will never tell you these things…… bc some insane part of me needs to see you succeed because otherwise what the fuck was any of it for, and i think that could only make you crumble. and frankly i resent you for being so fucking weak that i can’t even tell you this shit. i can’t tell you anything. there is no room for growth or discussion. i always have to monitor everything i say. and you just blow your feelings all over the place. even when im begging, fucking begging. you still have to be in more pain. i hate you. i fucking hate you because i thought you were better than this and you just fucking aren’t. i hate you because you’re a reflection of all of my worst qualities and because of the pain i’ve put myself in. i want you gone. i don’t want any of the people who are supposed to be nice and to care for me give any more of that to you. i begged them to. begged. over and over again. and they gave everything even when they had nothing and i lost so much and you gave me so so so fucking little. i hate you. i hate you. i hate you i want to hurt you, emotionally, physically. i want to punch you. i worry that if you do it again i wont be able to control myself. don’t fucking touch me. how dare you be upset that i don’t say i love you. how dare you. i fucking hate you so god damn much you’re so weak. you ask for truth but you can never handle it and i always have to pick up the pieces im so fucking mad that you dare ask for patience again and again and again. you’re so like your sister. you’re awful. get away from me. how could you do this to me. you promised me it was worth it. and it just fucking isn’t. how could you fail me like this. am i really that meaningless. am i nothing. is anything i will ever do worth anything…….. i get you. because i trusted you. and i worked so so so so so fucking hard to help you figure out how to take care of yourself so that you could do the baseline and treat me with respect and trust and acknowledgement and love and gratitude and want and i never fucking got that shit. get out. get out……… i’m so mad because you tried…. because this was your best….. because i have cherished and respected and encouraged you and am grateful to you….. and it was t enough. and you will blow up again. do i ask for too much?

no. i have to believe i dont. maybe i didnt always ask in the best ways. maybe sowntimes too much. but you always gave what i didn’t want and didn’t give anything i begged for, and then acted burnt out. whose fault is that…… fuck. i’m so fucking hurt. how could i give away everything i have had to you. get the fuck out. get out…… even this pain wouldn’t have you realize it. you would be too busy playing the pain olympics and hating yourself and feeling judged. “i don’t have parent trauma” my fucking ass, fuck you, you’re so unaware. i want to kick you until you figure it out. because your stupid fucking bs has hurt me- so deeply. and even when i told you that it didn’t fucking matter and it had to be about you. is it because ‘i have things you don’t’. fuck you you selfish sinister neurotic narcissistic self centered traumatized and weak and helpless, hopeless, blind, stupid fucking bitch.

i hate that i tried to make you better when you fucking didn’t actually want it. not really.

and now i’m worse.

and i’m selfish. and awful. maybe i’ve only survived this long due to a saint complex………. kill me. but then again, i really believed in you…. and now i hope no one ever does again.i hope they all give up. i hope you never find someone to love you, hold you, make you cum, take you in, share their love, their community, i fucking want to burn your clit off. i want to tattoo on you the pain you’ve caused me so you never forget. i want to kill you and myself because i hate the idea of being this fucked and thinking this low of anyone. i just……… wish to god, please god, lord, savior, god, God. i wish this had t gone this way. i wish it was over. i wish you were better, somewhere far away, and i was happy….. i wish i hadn’t given up so much, i wish i could have it back. i hate you. i want to bite you. i want to choke you out. i want to tie you down and punch you……….. im nothing. i’m fucking nothing. and now i’m the scary and fucked up one. and now i’m the one you’ll work through in therapy. it’s me. i should’ve left a long long long time ago. but i didn’t.

take some responsibility. punch me, hard. do it first. so i can punch you back. i want to see you and hear you in pain. i want to be in pain. i want to be dead because i don’t want to be in pain and because i give up. i’m the fucking worst. i’m the tyrant. why didn’t you run. why did you have no one and nothing else. why are you still so sweet and tempting, why are you still so beautiful, why did you hurt me….. why did you hurt me. why. why. was i never enough. why did you do this. please just. fucking go away so i don’t have to hear you answer and i won’t even get a chance to ask because really want kind of sick unwell masochist am i to ask that question. at this point. i’m so hurt. i’m tired of begging. pleading. there’s no hope.

now i dry my tears and prepare for a war. what will i do. how strong can i be. what will it take. how far will i go. now that i see it, i want out. how do i sustain this. why. why are you like this. i hate you. you’re nothing. you are nothing. and it’s too late.

please hold me…………. don’t fucking touch me.

oh how things have changed. i can see the path walked a million times over, and im walking along side it. its littered with gravestones, id put a flower at every one. it’s frozen now. i can’t go back.

why couldn’t i have met you when you were better. would you have gotten better without me? am i really so se centered to believe that’s true? but then i look at how insanely fucking hard i’ve worked, and how little has changed, and i think……. maybe. and then i see you making progress. and i resent you for me. there’s no progress for me, when do you work on us, when do you help me. when do you stop thinking you’re so fucking perfect. you’re pretentious. and insolent. and stubborn. and childish. you are childish. no matter how much you know or what parent figures you have in your life or what you believe you’re doing and preforming. you are weak. and not in the ways you coddle yourself for. in the ways you praise yourself for.

no more flowers. don’t miss them. or i’ll hate you more. just leave. and never come back to this grave yard. not unless you bring your own flowers.

fuck you. for never helping pull the wagon. for dragging me down. for thinking to highly of yourself and so little at the same time. fuck yoh. fuck……… i want the tears to stop. i want to ache to stop. i want you to keep asking so i can keep denying. i want you to suffer. i want to take away everything i can. we’ve been down this road before. and i brought us back. and now. “whatever im going through” and it’s triggering you. i just……….. want to bite you. tie you down so you can’t stop me or scratch me, and bite you. i’m tired…………. im so tired. i want to feel the tired, that sad exhaustion and rest and peace in pain. but i want to bite you first.

ok. now that i’m sufficiently marked for inpatient. and you’re doing so well.

run good for you by olivia rodrigo. i told you one day it would be the song i played after we broke up. and you told me no… i should’ve known then.

💐

goodbye. i’ll miss you. and i’ll hate you for making me miss you. make it quick. give me a reason to hate you.

[rubyinasnuggie]

Random Headcanons No One Asked For:

-Both Ruby and Weiss are left handed

--Yang was 100% prepared to tease them about it when Blake very pointedly uses her left hand to write something

--Blake is ambidextrous

--which makes Yang the only right-handed one on the team

--until the fall of beacon oops

-Ren is fully color blind

--once baby Nora figured that out, she made it her mission to explain to him what colors are based on other sensations (sue me I love this trope)

--she describes pink as the quiet comfort they share in each other's presence

--Ren finally sees color for the first time when his semblance upgrades, and he can finally see the pink petals with Nora

-Blake likes to climb on things and find random nooks and crannies to read

--it turns into a game of reverse hide-and-seek when someone needs her: depending on how urgent it is the entire squad will drop everything and look for her

-team STRQ won the Vytal tournament their first year, specifically Summer was the champion

--Yang was more upset about the disqualification than she'd ever admit, because she secretly imagined Summer was out there somewhere watching the tournament, proud of her babies

-Tai pulled himself out of his depression by gardening: having a routine helped him, so he encouraged baby Ruby and Yang to get similar gentle hobbies

-Ruby raises chickens at home

--she very lovingly feeds them corn and calls them her ladies

--Yang affectionately calls them creatures and cluckers and other such rude things to get a rise out of Ruby

-Ruby deeply wants a cow

--this is her one and only retirement dream

--although honestly she can never imagine herself living past her 20s

-Yang struggled with picking a hobby, she gets bored easily and hates the expected

--its only post-Beacon that she understands the benefits of a routine

--thats why she ends up with a ton of chores, just some structure to help her through the day

-Ruby will drink any type of milk, but Strawberry milk is her favorite

-Sun is allergic to bananas but he doesn't know

--he thinks bananas are supposed to be spicy

-Weiss loves sour apple

-Pyrrha loves chocolate almonds

-Yang thinks fish are creepy, she just generally doesn't love the ocean

--she thinks Neptune is a little clown though

-Oscar gets dressed by putting on his left sock, left boot, then his right sock and right boot

--RNJR made it their mission to interrupt him during this just to see him walk around with one boot on

-Ruby likes to bake, it's one of the few solid memories she has of her mom

--one night Weiss was feeling homesick and Ruby taught her how to make mug cakes

--"its probably not that good compared to your cake butler, but it's pretty simple, and I like them!"

--Weiss secretly makes them at least once a week, even back home in Atlas

-Weiss has taken flight lessons, at one point Ironwood really pushed for her to become a pilot in the military

-Blake has a field journal of the different types of Grimm she's encountered

--team RWBY & JNPR have spent several nights sitting in a circle talking and adding to the journal

--while traveling across Anima, Ruby sketched and took notes on all the Grimm she saw, just in case she ever found Blake again

-Weiss collects rocks

--no, not crystals. actual rocks

--shes rarely spent time in the real outside, but whenever she has, she picks up little rocks and puts them in her pocket before anyone can see

-Jaune never actually stopped writing left and right on the bottom of his shoes actually

-Weiss had never been allowed to paint her nails as a kid, she'd always get weekly French manicures instead

--by the second semester at Beacon, Ruby, Weiss, Nora, and Ren would have weekly manicure nights where they'd paint each other's nails

--there were several times they'd rope the rest of the teams into it, especially during the Vytal tournament where they'd write team names on their nails

--during the singles round they'd write Yang on one hand and Pyrha on the other

--"we couldn't make it fit without cutting one of the R's!"

-Pyrrha and Weiss became each other's default plus one's for fancy events, to the point people began to speculate that the two were dating

--Jaune was somehow jealous of them both and it was very confusing to him since he had poor self awareness

-Yang cuts Ruby's hair, but after she lost her arm she lost the fine motor skills to do a good job, so Blake started to do it

-Blake is always there to help Yang with her phantom pains and residual limb pain

--she helps massage Yang's arm while leaning close and purring

--Yang cried the first time Blake did this because she's not used to being taken care of

-Nora never gets sick and is the designated nurse when a bug goes around the teams

--the electricity incident was the first time Nora has ever been bed-ridden

-Weiss took ballet as a child

-Jaune is actually pretty good at the guitar

-Pyrrha is not musically inclined at all its a miracle she managed to do the iconic JNPR shine dance

--jk but actually she's a decent dancer when she has the steps choreographed for her but she has no natural rhythm

-in the last few months before Pyrrha's death, she and Jaune would waltz on top of the roof together

--there were several almost kisses

--maybe a few successful kisses who knows

-there are occasions (obv extremely rare) when Ren actually takes the bulk of the energy from Nora

--this leads to thrilling game nights where Ren makes multiple 40pt remnant-equiv-of-scrabble plays while Nora naps

-Oscar is the only person who can beat Ren in scrabble, although it's very closely matched

-Oscar is amazing at chess and will play it against himself like a little square

-Yang and Ruby are experts at the tabletop war game they play in the library

--9 times out of 10, the winner is one of them

-Oscar is the only one who also knew about Compost King, which was very exciting for Jaune

--Compost King is a common game night activity while they were in Haven because its so hard to say no to Oscar

-Yang is a straight-A student and has always been

-Blake never had any formal education and she finds a lot of the classes incredibly dull or ineffective at teaching the material

--she's always the one convincing Yang to skip a class and lie in the sun-warmed grass with her

--she still gets Bs easily

-Oscar is a very fast reader and will devour any book he's given

--his aunt would frequently bring home books from town just to keep him entertained

-Ruby has suffered from migraines and nightmares her entire life, post-Beacon they only got worse

-Weiss shops at local dust stores whenever she can, even though she could get shipments for free

--however she does have Ron Swanson's "I know more than you" energy when she's shopping

-Blake and Ren will sometimes take naps together

--not cuddling, just occupying the same general space

--wake them up at your own risk

-if Ruby isn't engaged with something, she can start to scatter and dissolve into rose petals

--its a very slow process and someone has always snapped her out of it before she's fully vanished, but Yang is worried about what would happen if no one caught her in time

-Ren is afraid of horses

-Blake hates being cold

-Yang naturally radiates heat cause semblance duh

-Weiss glued the tiniest gravity crystals to the underside of Ruby's bed to ensure it never falls

-JNPR likes to push their beds all together so they can sleep in one big pile

-Nora can only sleep if she's holding someone's hand

Hope u guys enjoyed! These are in no particular order, sorry that I kinda jumped around a lot 😅

Feel free to reblog and add your own ideas and headcanons! ❤

[boldlyvoid]

36 Questions to Fall in Love

Summary: When Derek bets Spencer that he cant make someone fall in love with him in a week, he doesn’t expect Spencer to marry the girl the next day

warnings: strangers to lovers, blind dates, betting, talks of: drug use, drug addiction, abusive marriages, rape, sexual assault, abuse, attempted murder, mass shootings, parental death, love confessions, elopements, opposite of slow burn

word count: 8K

A/N: this is based on a request I received a while back about this article

Derek was a betting man, to say the least. He knew Spencer was from Vegas, he also knew Emily couldn’t say no to a challenge and that Rossi had enough money to burn. Betting at work was the best way to have fun when he worked there, and now he can’t stop.

“I’m not saying con a woman into loving you, I’m saying let us find a girl and let’s see if she can fall in love with you, take a week off from work and just spend time wooing her, and in a week, me or Emily will hit on her, if she turns us down for you, then you’ve won.”

Derek explained it like it was simple, and yet the mere thought of being set up with someone was horrifyingly nerve-wracking. But he got Spencer to agree… unbeknown to him that he had another bet going on the side.

You see earlier that day he was invited to Penelope’s apartment, her younger sister was moving in for a little while and they needed a big strong man to help move the boxes. And like Penelope, Y/N was really chatty and overly friendly really fast. It was like he’s always known Y/N Garcia.

She explained to Derek how hard it was in California to find good men who want someone to love them, she’s tired of guys thinking she comes on too fast, she wants someone who wants to settle and have kids and be a dad. Not a Vain narcissist who only cares about what the city can offer him.

“The last guy I went on a date with literally ran when I mentioned I read a New York Times article about 36 questions to make you fall in love… I just want a person to love? Is that really so hard?”

A lightbulb goes off in Derek’s mind, and Penelope almost reads it.

“Spencer.” They both reply with the same cheeky grin.

“I bet you, you could be as insane as you say you are and he’d still be in love with you by the end of the week.” Derek teases, and the way she smiles shows just how interested she is.

—

Woo her.

The words have rattled around in his brain every second of every moment since Derek said he found a girl for him.

She was free on Saturday, all Spencer had to do was tell Derek where she should meet him and all Penelope had to do was not mention to Spencer that she had a sister, it was up to Y/N when Spencer learned that fact.

She’s already there at the restaurant when he arrives, he’s not sure what he was expecting when Derek said he found the perfect girl but it wasn’t this. He was thinking it was going to be a joke, that either no one would show or Derek was hooking him up with some hot blonde who was way out of his league.

She was beautiful in a nice dress, her makeup was stunning and she looked so content sitting there, waiting for him. Starring her ice water with a straw, she wasn’t paying any attention to the room, she barely knew he was there.

“Hi?” He said softly, not wanting to startle her.

“Hi,” she beamed up at him, that same unsure look on her face. Neither of them was expecting anything from the other, but they were pleasantly surprised.

“Spencer Reid,” he says, actually extending a hand to shake her’s because it’s the chivalrous thing to do.

She reaches out her hand, watching him take it and kiss her knuckle softly, she’s so surprised. “Oh, um, Y/N Garcia,” she whispers the name and his eyes go wide.

“Garcia?” He panics a little, sitting down in the booth and facing her as her face drops at his reaction.

“Did he not tell you I’m Penelope’s sister? I knew Derek was up to something,” she looked like it was all too good to be true, upset almost.

“He didn’t, he probably wanted you to tell me, I mean this all so we can get to know each other,” Spencer shrugs it off, interested in seeing why Derek picked her of all people.

“I guess,” she smiled again, “so what do you do?”

“I work with Penelope, I specialize more in psycho-linguistics and geographical profiling.”

She nods in approval, “I’m a high school English teacher.”

Spencer laughs lightly, “what’s that like?”

“Interesting to say the least, especially in California. Every kid there wants to be on TikTok, no one cares about reading any of the books I ask them too,” she just shakes her head. “I’m worried about the next generation.”

“Me too, it’s almost alarming how many kids are unsubs,” he agrees. She’s so easy to talk to, he’s suddenly not nervous anymore and the waiter is coming to take their order.

He never even opened the menu, “what looks good?” He asks Y/N, nervous and she can tell.

“I think I’m going to have the lobster, let’s go all out?” She shrugged again, both of them feeling more adventurous than normal.

“I’ll have that as well,” Spencer smiled, keeping eye contact with only her as she handed the menus back to him.

They ordered sides and appetizers, stuffed mushrooms and fresh bread, it was amazing. They traded small facts about each other, Spencer noticed a lot of Penelope’s quirks in her, she was very friendly and kind and funny. She loved to tease him and make him laugh, his stomach hurt by the time their lobsters came out.

“I’ve never done this before,” she admits, putting on her bib and holding the claw cracker in one hand.

“Neither have I, but I think it’s fairly simple you just need to apply the correct amount of pressure,” he demonstrates by picking up the crustacean and cracking it at its weakest point before twisting it open.

He’s surprised he did it, so is she as she copies is movements and struggles a bit. “You got it, come on,” he encourages her as she squeezed so hard her hands shake but the shell does eventually crack.

She smiles like she just won the science fair, overly proud as they stare at each other. Enamoured already by just how cute the other was.

“So, what do you do for fun outside being a fed?” She teases between bites.

“I like to spend my time finding new things, I tend to go to the same spots often but I’m always looking for new places. I like the theatre, the old cemetery is nice, I’m excited for the new phantasmagoria to open this fall,” he explains all his interests as he cracks away at his dinner. “I just like to try and appreciate what’s out there, after everything I see.”

“That’s really nice, I’ve always wanted to go to a phantasmagoria actually, science magic is the best kind of magic,” she says it like it’s nothing, almost embarrassed by the interest.

“Me too, I love magic,” Spencer lights up, “I can actually do some magic, hold on.”

He digs his NA chip out of his pocket, showing it to her quickly before making it disappear and reappear behind her ear and she was so smitten, “how the heck?” She asked as she reached for her own ear, shocked at the fact he could do it.

“Do you always keep a coin on you for that?”

He thinks about it for a second, not knowing if he should tell her or not. “No, I keep this on me for support.”

He places it on the table, she picks it up instead and inspects it carefully, “2 years is a really long time, I’m really proud of you.”

He feels like he falls in love with her in that moment, she places the chip back in his hand and smiles, “it’s not easy to admit nor recover from, it’s something you should be really proud of Spencer.”

“Thank you,” he blushes, “um, is there anything else you want to know about me?”

She bites the inside of her lip as she thinks, “actually I was reading an article the other day that said there are a list of personal questions you can ask someone and by the end of all of them you should be in love with the person.”

He thought it was a good opportunity to take a sip of water, upon hearing the word love he realizes it was a mistake. He chokes lightly, coughing as he puts the glass back down and apologizes.

“Love?” He repeats the word.

“I’m going to be real honest here Spencer, I don’t date to get my heartbroken, I date to find my life partner so if you’re not interested in marriage or kids one day tell me now,” she’s very stern about it and he can tell she’s gotten her hopes up and heart broken before.

“I want that too, I just didn’t expect you to be so upfront about it,” he’s honest, because clearly that’s what she wants from him. “What was on the question list?”

“Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” She asks, remembering the questions easily.

“Wow,” he takes a moment to think about it, “alive or dead?”

“Sure, why not,” she shrugs.

“Probably biological Eve,” he comes to the decision rather quickly. “I’ve always been fascinated with the fact all humans can be traced back to one single women. I’m sure she was amazing, it must have been so interesting being the first women on earth.”

“That is the coolest answer anyone has ever given me,” she smiles, “I think I’d be boring and have dinner with Julia Roberts.”

“She’s a very talented actress,” he smiles, recognizing the name from Penelope’s movie nights. “Um, I have an eidetic memory, do you have the list I can just read it once and then we can spit it back and forth easily.”

She looks at him with wide eyes and a growing smile, “yeah hold on.” She takes out her cellphone and pulls up the article before handing it to him.

He reads it quickly and then hands it right back, she was amazed, surely it was a joke? “Would I like to be famous?” He repeats the next question to himself.

“No,” he’s very certain. “I’ve had some encounters with psychopaths who think they are my biggest fans, perfect match or my only rival, and it’s not fun. I’m sure being adored is lovely, but I don’t like the attention if it’s not from a good place.”

“So you want praise but you don’t want a stalker?” She dumbs it down slightly with a smile, “I definitely don’t want to be famous because I don’t like other peoples opinions about me.”

“That’s incredibly fair.”

“Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?” She asks the next one.

“If it’s for work or my mother, yes,” he answers it completely honestly. “I prefer not to make phone calls, so when I have to make them I typically spend the day before panicking.”

She smiles, “well, if you ever need someone to call tech support and pretend to be you, I am really good on the phone.”

“Like Penelope?”

She nods, “we spent a lot of time talking on the phone when she moved to Virginia for your team.”

“That must have been really hard, I’m surprised she hasn’t mentioned you yet?”

“I’m not really her sister,” she smiles, “I wish I was. I met her during a really abusive relationship and I didn’t feel close to my parents anymore, so my old name didn’t feel right either. Penelope and her brothers were the closest thing I had to family, so I took their name after my divorce.”

“That’s beautiful,” his smile is so soft, she wonders if he feels the same about Penelope.

“What do you consider a perfect day?” She moves on before she can pry into his personal life further, just to pry into his personal life further— in another direction.

“Nobody dies.”

“Even the bad guys?” She squints as she asks it, wondering if that was an appropriate topic for the first date.

“I’m not a fan of the prison system, and I’m really not a very big fan of suicide by cop, let alone lethal injection,” he explained. “Just because you’re a murderer or a psychopath doesn’t mean you have to die too, there is rehabilitation and a way to keep them sane and alive while keeping people safe. I just hate when people die.”

“Me too,” her smile is sad, “my perfect day would be having my parents back, I’d like to show them my degree and go out for ice cream and give them another hug.”

“We should have our perfect days back to back,” his voice is low, he was nervous to say it. “Cause then once you bring them back, I stop people from dying and they can stay forever.”

He sees her heartbreak as the tears well in her eyes, “that would be nice.”

“Um,” he clears his throat and then takes a sip of water. “When was the last time you sang to yourself, or someone else?”

“I was singing in the car on the way here,” she smiles with a sniffle, “I sing a lot actually. I’m always humming or tapping as well, if my mind is wandering then it has to make some kind of noise.”

“What is your favourite thing to hum?” He can’t stop himself from asking it, “I personally do the muppets, duh duh nanana, manamanah.”

She laughs again, and a tear slips out as her eyes close. She hurries to wipe it away, “I often find myself doing the teletubbies song, you know; ‘Tinky-Winky, Dipsy,’” she sings the words before humming the tune to match.

“That’s a good one too,” Spencer is really enthusiastic suddenly, the way he would be with Penelope. He was really comfortable. “If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?”

“Mind, because that’s how you keep a good body. If I can keep the strength and willpower to get up in the mornings and go to work and remember why I love being alive, I’ll be young forever,” she answers like it’s rehearsed.

“I was going to say I’d want my mind too, but the way you said it is a lot more elegant,” he teases. “My mom has Alzheimer's, you were honest about wanting kids and you should know that's genetic. I can also pass on schizophrenia and any other mental illness, like depression, bipolar disorder and most definitely anxiety—

“Spencer,” she reaches across the table for his hand, “breathe, that’s not scary to me. My grandma had it too, I’m not optimal gene-wise either.”

He takes a deep breath, “Sorry.”

“It makes you real to react like that, I don’t mind seeing that side of you. Fake strong men and men who compensate are the worst, in my opinion.”

“Mine too,” he agrees. “I am an anxious worrier, I barely sleep, I’m terrified of the dark, I have PTSD nightmares about my short stay in prison, and I cry a lot when I’m alone.”

“It was a mistake clearly? The prison stay, that is.”

“Yeah,” he nods, moving to the next question. “Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?”

She laughs through her nose at the switch topic change, “well until I was 19 I thought my husband was going to kill me, then I thought maybe it would be myself, now I’m content dying in my sleep when I'm old.”

“It is ever-changing,” he agrees. “I have died before.”

“What did it feel like?”

She doesn’t ask how, she knows he was sober, she knows he’s been to prison, she knows he’s an agent. It wasn’t a surprise. Penelope even almost died once before, it was an unfortunate part of the job.

“Warm.”

“Like soothing warm, like drinking a hot chocolate, or that uncomfortable warm like being in a hot car?”

“Like a hug.”

Her lips purse, she hums a bit. “Yeah, my answer stays the same.”

“Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.”

“You like to learn,” she smiles again. “You enjoy the mysteries and the horribleness of the world because it keeps you grounded. You love your mom.”

“We love Penelope, our hearts have similar scars, life has been mean to us for no reason,” he adds 3 more for good measure.

“What are you grateful for in life?” She asks the next question.

“I’ve never said this before,” he prefaces, “but found family. If it wasn’t for my team, no matter who was coming and going over the years, anyone who has had my back. Anyone who loves me in any capacity. That’s what I’m grateful for.”

“We’re not even through the first set of questions and I can see why everyone loves you,” she admits. Moving far too fast, doing exactly what Derek wanted from her.

To scare him and see if he still stays.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Spencer stops the questions, “I can’t continue if I can’t tell you this.”

“Yeah, what’s wrong?”

“Derek and Emily bet me $20 that I couldn’t get someone to fall in love with me, he wanted to set this up and then hit on you in a week and see if you picked me over him, and it feels like a really shitty thing to do to you. It’s making me feel like you’re an object more than a person and I feel really bad about it.”

She just laughs and he has no idea why. “He bet me that I could be as insane as I am with most of my dates and you’d still want to stay with me after a week.”

“You’re not mad?” He worries, by passing her words and the implications of it all.

“No, did you truly mean how you feel?”

“Yes…”

“Then I accept your apology, you’re really kind Spencer. I believe you when you speak, I trust you,” she explains her reasoning and he settles once more. “You’re the most real man I’ve ever met, I think.”

“Thank you,” he smiles again, reaching out for her hand once more, “do you want to finish these questions?”

“Not really,” she smirks, “I think they were wrong about all 35 of them making you fall in love with someone.”

“How so?”

“It only took me 9.”

It’s so absurd they start to laugh, making eye contact, they feel delirious. His hand in hers, she squeezes it lightly and he never wants to let it go.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

“Sure, did you drive?” She asks.

“No, I walked over.”

She gets up from the table and takes his hand once more, “well, are we going to mine or yours?”

“Are you living with Penelope?”

“Yours it is then,” she teases, bumping his shoulder. This was going to be fun.

Spencer pays for their meal and meets her out front, he gets in her passenger seat and gives her the directions. “Do you want to finish the questions on the drive?” He asks.

“Hmm, well, 11 is a long one, if you want to start telling me your life story in graphic detail? Or we can jump to 12 and you can tell me what super ability you’d like to wake up with?”

“Have you ever watched star trek?”

She’s not expecting that, it makes her take a double-take, she laughs lightly, “Yeah, why?”

“Deanna Troi can sense peoples emotions, I think that would really help with my job,” he explains it easily. “And in times like this.”

“I can just tell you,” she offers, pulling into his apartment complex, she can tell why he walked.

“You don’t have to yet, let it simmer,” he smiles softly, he’s not ready for her to make a decision like loving him when she really doesn’t know everything yet. “Come inside?”

She nods, getting out and taking his hand again for the walk inside. His house is green, and it makes sense. There are door wooden bookshelves and the distant smell of old books and spilled coffee, it’s dusty and old and very Spencer.

“Can I tell you some of my story?” She asks as she kicks her shoes off.

“Absolutely,” he follows her lead, “do you want anything, wine, water?”

“Wine would be nice,” she smiles, following him to the kitchen, “you know my favourite place to talk to someone is in the kitchen.”

“Why?”

“It's the heart of the house,” she smiles slightly, “that's what my mom used to say. This is where all the love happens.”

He loves her and he knows it already, she makes him happy and calm and if she’s in the heart of his house she might as well know all of his own heart.

“I was born in Vegas,” Spencer admits, pushing his life story past his lips before she can stop him or else he wouldn’t.

“My mom was a professor, my dad is an attorney, I have always been really smart and not so athletic, I enjoy chess and reading and I had big thick glasses as a child. My mom participated in a murder and my dad covered it up and that ruined their marriage but they blamed it on her schizophrenia when he left. And then I was left to raise her when she was supposed to be raising me. I cared for her until I turned 13, I left her during the weeks and my aunt would make sure she was okay and I would travel back and forth from CalTech and Vegas on the weekends.”

She can see the exhaustion on his face at just remembering it.

“I got my licence at 16, and then I took her car and it was easier. When I was 18 I put her in a sanatarium and sold her house and took a road trip with my friend to Virginia to go to the academy. He didn’t like it after a week and asked me to go with him to New Orleans and I didn’t— I met my mentor and joined the BAU instead. I was kidnapped and drugged by a man with DID… I died and then his personality switched and Tobias brought me back. I had an addiction to Dilaudid for a few months after, then I got sober after visiting Ethan in New Orleans.”

“Was he good to you?”

“Wonderful,” he smiles, “he was my shoulder to cry on for a long time and I didn’t realize how much I needed him in my recovery until we got a case and I had a reason to see him. I missed a plane and ignored my friends to just be with him. He’s the reason I got clean, not anything else… he told me that I was too special to hate myself, and he was right.”

“He was,” she smiles. “He sounds lovely.”

“And then, the first time I saw my mom after putting her in the sanatarium was because she told parts of our case to a man who lost his daughter, and he did a lot of messed up stuff… like he shot my co-worker. She was another special person to me—“

“I’m so sorry.”

He smiles, “she lived, don’t worry. I loved Elle, she was amazing but the bureau didn’t see that. She was a broken toy to them, we all become one eventually. I miss her a lot.”

She walks into his space and wraps her arms around him, giving him a hug as he rests against the counter, she makes no attempt to move back. Holding him in the heart of the house, close to her own. He holds her back just as tight.

“Maeve, she was another person I loved who got shot, she died. I see her sometimes when I sleep, she visits me when I’m in the most need. I’ll always love her, but she’s gone. The only other woman who claims to have loved me was a psychopath who is dead now too, she framed me for murder, had me drugged, kidnapped my mother and the list goes on and it’s not pretty. In prison she had a lot of bad things happen to me, I have scars that will never heal and a part of me was lost but I’m okay now.”

They have a moment of silence in the middle of their stories, she absorbs it while preparing her own, rubbing his back as her cheek stays pressed to his chest.

“I was born in California, my parents were high school sweethearts, they made me at prom. Learned that from the scrapbooks,” she laughs against his chest, “they were great and then they died when I was 14, it was a mass shooting at a mall, and I went to a foster home. I married the oldest son in the home after he groomed me for a few years… I met Penelope when I was 20 and she helped me get divorced and back on my feet and her brothers protected me.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry you relate to loss.”

“It's the one thing that unites us all, really,” Spencer’s voice is barely a whisper. “When you think about it, we’re all born and we all die, the only difference is how we fill the middle.”

They never get to that bottle of wine he mentioned, she pulls back and asks the next question as she drags him to his bedroom. “If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?”

“If I get to have kids.”

She drags him into the room and closes the door, “that was going to be my answer.”

“Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?” He asks as she starts to take her clothes off.

“Sleep beside the love of my life.”

“I’ve never woken up beside the love of my life,” he replies with a soft smile and follows suit, getting undressed down to their underwear before climbing in bed.

“Greatest accomplishment?” She asks as they settle in, laying her cheek on his chest once more.

He takes a moment to think of everything he’s done that has been good, and one really stands out. “there was a case a few years back, we found a bunch of kids who went missing and returned them to their families and gave answers to the families of children who didn’t make it. Days like that feel like a reward.”

“Getting divorced,” she pushes the words out quickly.

“Most valued friendship?” He asks, knowing she doesn’t need to explain herself.

“Penelope.”

“Derek.”

“Most treasured memory?”

“When JJ placed her son in my arms and told me I was his godfather,” his voice is hushed and she knows it’s because he doesn’t want to cry. “It's the closest I’ve gotten to being a father so far.”

“I got an end of the year present when I was first starting out, this girl told me that I was the reason she enjoyed reading again and it was the reason I started teaching, I’ll never forget her. Tammy Brownlee, she graduated in 2009 and we’ve been Facebook friends ever since.”

“Most terrible memory?”

“My parents dying.”

“You’d think mine would be dying right?” He asked, she nodded against his chest, “it was actually being held down by 3 men, getting a sock shoved in my mouth while they beat me.”

She kissed his chest softly, “I’m sorry, I know that feeling. Mind you, he was only 1 man, it’s not a good feeling.”

“If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?”

“If it’s definite; not like a chance or a cancer statistic, if it’s like this is the day you die no ifs and's or butts, then I’d just continue as normal and have 1 really awesome day right before,” she smiles against him. “Make the most of it all.”

“If I was dying a year today, I’d ask you to marry me.”

“Already?” She laughs, thinking he’s kidding.

“You want a nice husband and a kid? I will be good for you as long as I know you, and I’ll have as many kids as you want me to help you make.”

She’s silent as she thinks about it. “What does friendship mean to you?”

“Someone who is there for you even when they don’t want to be, even when it’s hard,” Spencer whispers, thinking about his friends.

“It means hacking the government and voiding a marriage and changing someone's name so they can escape,” Y/N whispers. “don’t tell the feds she did that too.”

“What roles do love and affection play in your life?”

“I crave it and hardly receive it, but I give it out like it’s a sample at costco,” she snickers at the example she gave. “It’s something that people have always admired about me and yet it’s also the thing that scares people away. When I love, I love hard and it’s full and annoying and you will feel suffocated sometimes, but just tell me when and I’ll back off.”

“I don’t know how to ask for what I need,” Spencer whispers. “But I need someone to love me like that.”

“The next one is to alternate 5 good things about each other,” she rests her chin on her hand as she looks up at his face in the darkness, “soft.”

He pauses for a moment, bypassing the easiest one and saying pretty, instead, he says; “you’re honest.”

“You’re very caring,” she replies.

“You see beauty in the world still.”

She smiles at that one, “you make the world beautiful.”

“You are beautiful.”

“And you’re handsome, that’s my 4th,” she keeps track in her head.

“You’re true, to your heart, your promises, everything.”

“And you’re real, you see the world for what it is and you don’t try to change it for the better. You want to make it manageable,” her explanation is the longest one yet. “Was your childhood happy, and do you feel close with your family still?”

“I write to my mom every single day and I drop the notes off weekly, and no,” he doesn’t want to cry, but he feels like he might again. “It was liveable, I made it.”

“Mine was happy until I was 14, then I was alone, I have 1 living aunt and she is strange but I get a card from her every Christmas,” Y/N adds. “I’d like to think your lack of love and my need to fill the world with what I miss from my parents will make a really good family dynamic.”

“Me too.”

“How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?” She asks, “I think I know already, but it’s the next one.”

“She hit me a few years ago because I made her take some medicine, she hit me once when I was a kid too…” he whispers them so that they stay a secret, if they can’t be heard else where then they don’t exist in his mind. “She was a wonderful mother but the worst memories stick out the most now. She’s forgetting everything and all I can remember is how hard it’s been on me, like a bad son.”

“My mom was my best friend, and I still talk to her every day, I bring her and my dad around with me in my necklace,” she pulls the chain on her neck and shows him the little jar. “Mom, Dad, this is Spencer. Spencer, this is my mom and dad.”

He holds it in his hand and tips it gently, “nice to meet you.”

“The next one is weird,” she changed the topic again.

“Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling…" Spencer says it verbatim. “We are both feeling understood.”

“We are both hopeful.”

“We are both falling in love,” Spencer ends the feelings with the most prominent one.

“We are,” she agrees with another smile.

“Finish this,” he insists on moving forward, “I wish I had someone I could share…”

“The rest of my life with,” she whispers this time. “If we become besties, what’s something I should know?”

“I think I’ve told you all the important stuff so far,” Spencer thinks hard, pausing for a moment. “My butt is ticklish?”

It makes her giggle, “that is a good one. My sides and the bottom of my feet are ticklish too.”

“Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met,” Spencer reads the question back from memory, “don’t be afraid to be too honest.”

“I like that you know how I feel but I hate that you’ve been hurt. I like how you listen to me, and I really like how comfortable you make me feel. I’m almost naked in your bed right now and I know you’d never, ever hurt me, and I haven’t felt that in a really long time.”

“I like that you are indulging me in the dream of becoming a husband and a dad one day… most people say it’ll happen but they never picture it. No one has ever said yeah id have your kids. I like that you know what you want and you’re actively looking for it.”

She moves up so she can hold his face in her hands, “only 7 more. Is it working?”

He nods, “my most embarrassing moment is the time I had a wet dream on the work jet.”

She laughs and then covers her mouth in panic, “I’m sorry that’s not funny.”

“It is, it’s fine,” he smiles. “I was dreaming about kissing this actress we helped, she actually did kiss me in the pool, so I guess it was bound to happen.”

She leans in and presses her lips against his, holding his cheeks in her hands his wrap around her waist as he holds her there. She peppers smaller kisses to his lips before pulling back, “we both cried in front of each other already today, so next question.”

“Tell me what you like about me already?”

Her hands trail his chest and down towards his boxers, he’s hard again from just kissing and she smirks, “this is promising.”

His hand on her back unclips her bra, “I love boobs, not even going to lie. They are my weakness.”

She pushes the straps down and tosses her bra aside, pressing her naked chest against his, she moves on. “What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?”

“Being called insane, saying I'm seeing things, or acting crazy, those are things I don’t like to be told because they make my anxiety worse.”

“Noted,” she smiles. “I talk to myself a lot so get ready for that.”

“Okay,” he smiles, she’s way too easy to be real.

“I don’t want to mention my last husband from here on out, I think if I get married again I will never tell anyone I have a first husband,” she’s firm in her words.

“Technically, Y/N Garcia has never had a husband,” he reminds her.

Her face lights up at the realization, “you’re right.”

“If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?” Spencer asks.

“I regret not screaming at my ex before I disappeared but I wanted to live.”

He hums, understanding how it feels. “There isn’t anyone in specific I’ve wanted to tell this to, but I wanted to kill people when I was in prison. It made me really angry being in there and I let myself dream about killing people who hurt me and then I almost did kill someone.”

“Remember what you said about bad guys?” She whispers a helpful tip, “even the worst people deserve to have a chance at life. And you’re not hardly as bad as the worst people you’ve met.”

“You’re right,” he agrees. “Thank you.”

“This place burns down, what’s one thing you’d run back inside for? Outside of people and animals…” she asks the 3rd last question.

“The book Maeve gave me.”

“The girlfriend who died?” She confirms, and he nods. “If my place with Penelope burned down, I just want my necklace and I don’t take it off that often.”

“The next question is interesting,” Spencer thinks about it, “Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing, and why?”

“I’m glad I wasn’t at the mall with my parents, if I saw them get shot it would hurt more,” she whispers. “I’m sorry you had to see Maeve die like that.”

“In a way, I’m glad I saw Maeve get shot, otherwise I wouldn’t have believed it. She never felt real to me and then she was dead…”

She just hums, “Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it,” she whispers the last question.

“Also, ask your partner to reflect to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen,” Spencer adds in the second half.

“I need to find a place to stay now that I’m here, I don’t want to keep living with Penelope. As much as I love her, I want my own place,” Y/N admits.

“I think I’m in love with this girl that I just met and I don’t know if it’s too soon to ask her to look for a house with me?” Spencer pretends to sigh, “she’s super cool and I think we’d make some nice kids. I would love some advice.”

“Has she told you she loves you yet?” She teases.

Spencer shakes his head. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, too, Spencer,” she replies, leaning in one more time to kiss him.

It’s deeper this time, she breathes him in and rests her forehead against his as she breathes between them.

“How did that work?” She whispers, truly amazed at how easy it was.

He shrugs, “it’s a good questionnaire.”

“You were really honest, your heart is really pure and I would like to get to know you more, but I feel like I know everything?” She shakes her head while she talks, overthinking all the things she has learned, “I don’t even know what could be left?”

“My birthday is October 28th?” He whispers, “we have a lot to discover yet.”

—

When she doesn’t come home in the morning, Penelope knows she’s at Reid’s house. She just doesn’t expect to walk in and find them naked in Reid’s bed, out cold and cuddled together with their clothes all over the room.

It looks like something happened. If only she knew the truth.

“Oh my god?” Penelope’s voice wakes them up and Spencer scrambles to make sure they are covered by his blankets.

“What are you doing here?” Y/N shouts as she wakes up.

“I came to see if you were okay. I expected one of you to be on the couch, I didn’t think it went this good?”

“We just slept in the same bed, I promise,” Spencer turned bright red as he panicked, “we just got to know each other and talked all night, in what we normally sleep in.”

“Uh-huh,” Penelope smirks, “so I take it the 36 questions worked?”

“Perhaps,” Y/N smirks back at her sister.

“Do you use it on many people?”

“No one has made it past the first question,” she smiles at him instead, kissing his cheek as Penelope watches.

“That’s my queue to go, um… yeah, wow, I didn’t see this happening so fast,” Penelope is shocked but in the best way.

She leaves just as fast as she arrived and Y/N settles back into Spencer the second she closes the bedroom door. “You know, if she’s not going to believe us we might as well do it? If you accidentally get me pregnant then we can move fast and no one will question it.”

He laughs, “accidentally, is the key word there.”

“My parents made me at prom after crushing on each other for 2 years… I think knowing each other for 2 days isn’t the weirdest way to start a family?”

“Honestly,” Spencer lets out a sigh and her happy mood drops to a more serious one. “I was a little worried that we’d wake up this morning and you’d change your mind.”

“Why?”

“In the heat of the moment, learning everything about each other and saying I love you was really exhilarating, but I have a hard time believing it,” he admits, “not many people mean it, or stay around after they tell me they love me.”

She cuddles back into the crook of his neck and holds him as tightly as possible, wrapping a leg around him for optimal coverage, “I am staying right here, because I love you, Spencer.”

“Okay,” he whispers. Sounding like he still doesn’t believe it.

“I love you because you’re honest, you want what I want and you’re truly kind. You’re friends with my sister, you’re smart, you would make a great dad, you won't hurt me, you are really nice to cuddle with, and I know you mean it when you say you love me because it’s not a word you use lightly.”

“Are you my girlfriend now?” He wonders aloud, “cause if you really want to have a kid, I have my mom's old wedding ring in my closet, and I would rather be married to you before we do that?”

“Okay,” she whispers, tears welling in her eyes as she hides her face in his neck, “the courthouse is literally just down the road?”

“We can get breakfast together after?” Spencer adds, rubbing her back as they plan, he wasn’t scared anymore.

“Penelope will kill me if she’s not there, can we have her as our witness?” Y/N finally sits up to look at him, pulling away to sit on the bed, still shirtless.

His smile while he tries to keep eye contact with her is so funny, she giggles a little as she hides her nipples behind her palms and cups her boobs.

“I’m pretty sure she’s still in my living room,” Spencer giggles, “Penelope!?”

She comes back in then, “yes?”

“We’re going to the courthouse to get married, wanna come?” Y/N asks with an embarrassed smile.

“Yes!” She cheers, “I’ll go get you a dress!”

And then she’s off again, this time actually leaving Spencer’s apartment. “What if we don’t tell Derek, and let him hit on me next week anyway?

“Then you can say ‘sorry I have a husband,’ and he’ll body slam me to the floor,” Spencer laughs nervously, “the whole team is going to be so pissed they missed my wedding…”

She frowns, “send out a mass text, tell them to meet us at the court house, it’s their day off right?”

“You’re right,” he smiles.

This was going to be interesting.

—

Walking out of the courthouse, hand in hand, she’s in a white dress, he’s in a suit he’d probably wear to work, Penelope is crying and the whole team is waiting outside for them.

At the bottom of the courthouse steps, they all clap and cheer, throwing rice at them like an old movie, Spencer’s smiling so hard his cheeks are burning. Y/N introduces herself to everyone, hugged over and over by everyone she should have met 15 years ago.

Derek is tapping his foot, waiting for Spencer to come and hug him, “what the fuck?” He asks as Spencer steps into his space, wrapping his arms around him and shaking his back and forth.

“Nice try, I’ll give you $20 as a thank you,” Spencer teases as he pulls away. “She is perfect.”

JJ and Will are busy talking to Y/N when he turns around, Mike and Henry not far behind them. Spencer walks over and wraps Henry up in his arms, the kid was growing way too fast, Spencer loved him so much it hurt sometimes.

“Y/N, this is my godson,” Spencer introduces them, “Henry, this is Y/N.”

She gives him a big hug too, “do you have any cousins, Henry?”

“No, but I was 8 when Michael was born,” he smiles, “and I’m getting old enough to be a good babysitter?”

Spencer laughed, messing up Henry’s hair quickly with a smile, “I’m sure by the time you’re a cousin you’ll be great.”

They take a group photo outside, Spencer and Y/N in the middle, everyone was smiling. It was the first time all of them had been in a photo together, the entirety of Spencer’s found family. Now they were Y/N’s too.

She hyphenated her last name, Y/N Garcia-Reid, and their kids would share the same one. He was not only about became a father thanks to Y/N, but Penelope would also become an Aunt once more. It was like a gift that kept on giving, seeing Spencer and Y/N create a little family of their own.

—

She cried her eyes out when she met Diana. She wasn’t expecting to be so emotional, but then Diana was lucid and very welcoming and sweet.

“It’s going to be a pleasure having you as my daughter,” Diana smiles, thinking it was just a nice thing to say.

Y/N cries and holds her so tight Diana almost can’t breathe but she lets her hold her as long as she needs to, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome?”

“I haven’t had someone to call mom since I was 14,” Y/N whispers, “if that’s okay?”

Diana hugs her just a little too tight in response, “you can call me mom whenever you want.”

“Just until you become a grandma,” she whispers again as she pulls back and Diana’s attention snaps to Spencer.

“Are you trying?”

He nods, “we want kids, we’re not getting any younger.”

Diana wraps him up in a hug and he almost falls off his chair at the sheer force of it, she was so happy for him. She knew this was all he’s ever wanted; because he would be good at it, he had all this love in his heart, and he wanted to show his father how easy it is to stay.

“You’re going to be a great dad, Spencer,” she holds his cheeks as she pulls away, “I’m proud of you.”

He cried. It’s all he’s wanted from her, and now he has everything right here in this room.

—

When they find out they’re pregnant after the first try, it’s really funny to them. It was all working so well, it was a little too much for them at first. They were looking for a house, she was looking for a permanent teaching job but Spencer convinced her to wait until after the baby is born to go back.

They name her Morgan Garcia-Reid as a thank you for Derek’s little bet, and before she’s even 6 months old they’re pregnant again. By the time they have 4 kids under 5 they take a break and just enjoy their little family.

To think Derek gave them 7 days to fall in love… and then they lived happily ever after.

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